[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Off Concord Road, there's one right on the corner. And so it's like, I gotta make a right. So, uh, that one you just kind of, it's almost like you're just going through and I think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The amount of time I'm gonna, the least amount of time I'm gonna spend is that's, that's the least amount of time I can spend. So I would do the gas. You'd like take it right in there. Or if I just, if one's on my side, you just kind of figure it out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But does the other gas stay in the bottom? Old gas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't ever get full, or mid-grade is that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you get like new Cadillacs or whatever, like a new SUV or they, I think they tell you the, the high, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Browse the jerkeys, man. That's so funny. I mean everybody's like, you might be the only person that used it as if it's a map code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would Bucky's be for trailer park living?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That big one in the back over there. You got a big semi. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chuck her back there trying to pay for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is good. Wawa was the first one that I was like, oh wow. And you can make a hot sandwich and you're like, this is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well besides gas. Inside the store. Inside the store. Gum. It's gotta be cigarettes. Gum. Tobacco. Hold on. Hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're putting $5, I mean, you can't do that anymore, but I put $5 of gas in. Just enough to get me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you want that to stop, you gotta start taking a bigger picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's like a Gatorade. It's like what you give to a teen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was furious. Yeah, you were against it. Furious. It's going to change your life. Well, it's, I mean, look, the audacity to go like, yeah, I drink a lot of soda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they were just, like it was in, that was insane. It was only like a certain amount of ounces. Oh yeah. I agree. Everybody was furious. The nanny state. Yeah. So it didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it were fast, I'd be into it. If it was fast, I'd be into it. The thing with Sonic though, you're looking at a menu. So you're gonna have to know exactly what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the age that you think you start filling the tank up every time? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like when you're, when you first drive, you're never filling the tank up. But then you do hit an age, I guess you've gotta have like a real job. Yea, you gotta have some money. But then you start filling it up every time. Probably like mid. I mean, do you fill it up every time? Close to 30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want more of a Bucky's, but I'm sure that place would like some hot tea and some free wifi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when you play, I don't play video games a lot, but we have one on the bus. Everything's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to play the game now, it's like, yeaah, you gotta, it's a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, like, uh, I'd want to, I'd want to get, like, is he going to get paid to? He gets paid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll show this video, uh, this is Lincoln. So, uh, they were all the guys that go on the road with me, uh, which has been, everybody I've started with, I've been around, I've known for 20 years and they very nicely got me, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hiking stick with a rain check to run it. And then they got a poster with everybody's or a picture of everybody's face on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Julian, Julian forgot Gary Veeder, so then they wrote another letter. Like it was, but it was very sweet. It was like a perfect gift. We forgot to put the hiking stick on the, uh, on the bus, so they had to get it through the airport. And so Veeder and Julian, two perfect people to try to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Enjoy and figure stuff out. You figure stuff out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all right. Sorry about my voice. We love you always. Uh, we got, I got, I'm about to announce the 2023 dates coming up. I also have big dates, uh, two weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fargo, North Dakota, Casper, Wyoming. I'm coming out there. Uh, I'm Blake and Cedar Rapids. Bunch of stuff. And this weekend, Greg Warren. This weekend, Greg Warren's special. I'm directing it, producing it with a hundred pound gorilla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come out to that Saturday night we're taping the show. He's there all weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so come to any of them. It's Saturday, we are taping it. Uh, we appreciate everybody that will come. It's going to be, I'm very excited. We're almost done with Mike Vecchione's special, so we'll know more about that, but it looks great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a great quote. Yeah, that's fun. Stress factor is a, that's a big one. I've never done either of them, so I mean, I'm pumped about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good. Alright, we love you. See you next time. Thank you. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetti and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The land emerged. Land emerged. And then dinosaurs just started popping up. Just boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they were around for a long time. Longer than us. And that, yeah, that a meteor came. Six months. Or an asteroid. Asteroid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would get high. That's how you become a manager. That's how you become a manager. I'm trying to do an herb garden. I got some, some thyme growing. Some carrots. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was more nervous about that buildup than going on shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did name the galaxy after the candy bar. Well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lady that gave me candy wrote a note and it said, Hey bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're like me and you've already mastered the English language, it might be time to take on a new one. Babbel save up to 60% off your subscription at babbel.com slash Nate. That's B A B B E L.com slash Nate for up to 60% off Babbel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Language for life. And finally, Nate Land has brought to you by Upstart. They've helped over 1.8 million customers on their path to financial freedom. Don't wait. Check your rate today at upstart.com slash Nate. Loan amounts may vary. Go to upstart.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a slight chance that something so crazy happens between...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it would have been silly for us not to talk about. So I feel like it is good to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happened when we were filming it. I was trying to make it. And then when I needed to make it for the video, it took a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. When I had to make it eventually, when I was trying to miss it, I kept making it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the line from Comedian where he says you'd never think life is gonna be long enough that we'd actually meet each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say, y'all, I mean, I'm from Alabama, both my parents use it, I use it all the time. I think it might sound forced because I had Nuncieate, you know, pretty well relative to what's going on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I do too. I'm sorry, it sounds forced. Tao is raised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say y'all all sometimes, which doesn't even make sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people's personalities and their vocabularies are way more flexible than people realize. Yeaah. I think you kind of become whatever room you're in. I think I definitely feel myself doing that. And I think a lot of people do too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I got the O with the dash through it. If you want that, that's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it co's a prefix, uh, incited as at the incident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It becomes, it eventually becomes part of their actual name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it may have initially been a pretentious thing to do, but it happened so long ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Brian's dog is about as big as his coffee cup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did an open mic in town last week where the stage was a pallet on a forklift. All right. That was new for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dog's gonna give you a tell if it's wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it clean. A dog would love its audience and the audience would love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all right, dude. I just wanted to talk to everybody about Babble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some summer travels coming up next summer. My brother in law is marrying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman from Brazil. So they will be getting married in Brazil, which means that's plenty of time to brush up on my Portuguese. You know where I'm doing that. Babble. We only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson so you can start having real life conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's plenty of time. Other language learning apps, the ones you've heard of, they use AI. Babel uses real people that speak the language and are language experts. Other languages to choose from too, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Russian. You can talk back to it. It tells you how dumb your pronunciation is and then you work on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel. Right now, you can save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to babbel.com slash nate. That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash nate for up to 60% off your subscription. Babbel. Language for life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Upstart! It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you have high interest debt. And sometimes it can be even harder to ask for help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where Upstart comes in. Folks, let's get to work with Upstart. Get our personal finances in a good place. With prices rising, it's not time to get caught up in a lot of debt. Upstart powered personal loans can help you pay down high interest debt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All online with simple, easy to understand payment terms. They consider other factors like your income, employment, and other information provided in your loan application to find you a smarter rate for your loan. You can check that rate in minutes!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For loans between one thousand to fifty thousand dollars without impacting your credit score. Don't you hate it when it impacts your credit score? So much. Just for looking at something? I hate it. This won't do it. You can receive fa- funds as fast as one business day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After accepting your loan. So don't wait. Check your rate today at upstart.com slash nate. That's upstart.com slash nate to check your rate today. Do not forget to use our URL and let them know that we sent you. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, my God, and then you miss it one month and it's dropped 30 points. And you're like, what is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just got a car. Yeah, they looked up my credit score.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all. Can we trust you to pay everything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The experience one. Equifax? Equifax, and there's one other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they can do an average. When I got the car, they just looked at one. And they're like, this is fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd say in the commercials, you go, do you want to live at your parents' house forever? You better check that credit score.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they're like, well it must not be good if you're worried about it this much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mine is on my credit card app. It's just right there on the home screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hard inquiry or a hard check is when a financial institution actually does like an official look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here's, here's an explanation from Credit Karma. They said multiple hard inquiries in a short period, if you're getting a lot of hard checks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a short amount of time. That could lead lenders and credit card issuers to consider you a higher risk customer as it suggests you may be short on cash or getting ready to rack up a lot of debt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if they're like, if you're checking on your credit score, if you get a hard check, then you're about to, you're about to go into, you know, you're about to get a lot of money. You're about to go into debt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here you go. Not to get too crazy, but the, the, the scary part is this, let's say the government starts looking at your number and then they go, you can't go to a grocery store if your credit score is under a certain number. Your kid can't go to college if your credit score is under a certain number. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think get things like get a loan or buy certain things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get throttled internet speeds. You can get banned from flights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm guessing the governments that are initiating programs like that are too crazy about protecting endangered species. You know, that's the way I think. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, maybe it is. I genuinely don't have any idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And ours is the Statue of Liberty, which is welcoming people to the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people have done it before. People have fought off bears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say if the bear left, I mean, I saw the revenant that's based on a true story by bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got boxed out by some geese on a hike in Bristol, Tennessee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This little narrow passageway, this goose just stood there in the middle and just wouldn't let me pass and it took like 20 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, even, you know, the stories I know about people that have killed grizzly bears, they had a knife.


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[Assistant] You think it's ridiculous that any single human being could be degree-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't think any human being who's ever lived could take a grizzly bear in a fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the town of Hart County, 110 miles northeast of Atlanta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I strangled a Bobcat, I'm sure I did. Yeah, the Bobcat was rabid by the way. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was weak, but if you get bit or it gets on you at all, you could get rabies. I bet you had a rabies shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the juicer. Shake and bake. Barry Sanders could evade a grizzly bear. I bet so. I bet Barry Sanders could tackle it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is really cool. And they say, Hey bear a ton. Cause they run into grizzly bears nonstop, but they also all have an air horn on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me ask you this, Brian. The grizzly bear comes at me and we kind of square up and then I yell as loud as an air horn and the grizzly bear runs away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it say? If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. Yeah. That's right. It's good to remember. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is 9% of men say they could take on an elephant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was, the case in India was an elephant escaped from a nearby wildlife sanctuary. It was like 10 minutes away from this, uh, little city. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was like a wild elephant on the, on the loose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It attacked this woman, killed her and then showed back up when they were doing the funeral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy. Now I'ma go ahead and get outta here. It was a 70 year old woman too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a bear walking through Alaska, Katmai National Park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, these anacondas are, I think if it gets near you, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never heard to pee yourself if a shark comes? Uh-uh. I think that's just what you do. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of the, I thought that was common knowledge. I mean it's wrong apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in a, I went to a public pool at a hotel. Yeah. Recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just thinking about that the whole time. There's probably so much pee in this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the whole life. If the pool were as big as this, if you care if somebody pees in a hot tub and you're sitting in a hot tub, doesn't that feel weird?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does she, did you know the, the gorilla was thought to be like Bigfoot until the early 1900s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not the only place where erosion has happened in the world though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in a Phoenix, Arizona CB live that I'm at the Dania improv.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Daniel Beach, Florida, and then Arlington Drafthouse in Arlington, Virginia, August 12th and 13th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a great weekend too. I got my Kentucky former hat because I went to Lexington, Kentucky and it was the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land people came out, they brought me gifts, I got candy from a lady, I got coffee that they said was rat poop free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From some people. That's nice. Yeaah. I got, uh, what did I get? Opalika Bulldogs mug that someone brought me from my high school. Wow. They said they found it on eBay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. Yeah. Nateland people really showing up and I appreciate it. They're, they're the best. Yeah. Lexington, Kentucky was awesome. All right. That's enough of Dusty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe if you're old and you're bored too, it's like opening the candy takes a while. Yeah. And then it's all about, you get a lot going on. Yeah. You get to dig around in your pocket. You get the changes in there and you find it. That's part of your day. Yes. Part of your day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's cause it makes a lot of noise and people will look at you and you can go, Hey, just so you know, I am still


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in one of those glass, where you lift the lid off and there's just candy. And this is, you're not surprised by this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He probably opened this to tell us that he didn't like it and then we all started saying how much we liked it. No, I love these candies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whose house is this? Obviously not listeners of the podcast, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the grease is in the hood, a lot of people think you have oily hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, that was bold. He was asking for it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if they go and they get out, he could just say, I thought you'd be faster. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't feel like I'm more convinced now that the first base coach is useful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were a green team, the Eagles. Oh yeah. High top trucker hats. I was into it. Probably where I picked it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd just be on that seahorse all day. Just riding around the ocean, checking it out. And like, this is a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like this one, this guy to the right here, yea, he's got that little fin. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sit on that. Really just tie on. Okay. Yeah. It'd be tiring. You're almost like standing up. It's almost like a segue. Maybe you ride in the curl of the tail. Maybe you just hold you in that tail. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm thinking a little saddle that fits inside the tail and you just ride along the bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like a good Q-tip, don't you? I do love a Q-tip. Oh, I like Q-tips. Yeah, they're great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. There you go. All right. All right. What's the moss on the trees? Did we talk about that? I can't remember if I saw


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is that King of the Hill episode I was watching, I think. Yeah, that's what they said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'd be Dale for sure. I always think about myself being, he's a, he used to, he sprays pesticides and is into conspiracies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the time. Every time they say glyphosate causes cancer, I go, oh, I remember that we had that. And what we sold. You sold it. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does Michael, what does Michael Capella think of me to think that that's punching down? You know what I mean? That seems like he's punching down at me right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think there's any flights that go over Antarctica either. There's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, like, you know, it seems like you would, if you wanted to go from Australia to South America, you just skip right over Antarctica. Yeah. But they don't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's build a little something down there. Why don't we have like an Antarctic resort?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was this guy named Admiral Byrd or something and he had a thing where he said he flew and found a lot of land in Antarctica. Like not with, not with snow on it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He said like a land the size of North America down there. Oh, interesting. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really is great. I love it. I'm into it. Did you have some today? I did have some today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, 160s is low. Like I've been 160, like when I quit drinking, I went from like 220 all the way down to like the 160s. And yeah, but I was, yeah, I was drinking all the time, eating all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and doing nothing, you know. I would, uh, yeaah, I was really bloated looking. Yeaah. 220. I know, that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the heaviest I got. I don't think I was there long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. But cause then I quit drinking and I started biking everyday. Yeaah. There's probably a big picture out there somewhere. Yeaah. But hopefully it's tucked away. Hopefully it's hidden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to sell pesticides again, but uh, I would do it. Yeah. Yeah. You already have, you already have all the stuff that comes with it. Yeah. And I'd be, I'd be better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was never gonna tell anyone about Brian smoking cigars, but I'm excited that you're telling people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've seen people go through an entire pack of matches trying to light it, but I had a real lighter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I mean, he got, I don't know, about this much through the cigar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was not going to tell people about that because I was like, it was a, it was a struggle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just felt like, hey, Brian's just a good person and he never smokes things and that's very good. Yeah. Yeah. Not a bad thing. Yeah. Uh, all right. It's candy. Sorry. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here we go, comments again. Well, 30 minutes of cigar talk. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fun. Even somehow they do many M&Ms and it's like, it's somehow, it's like the exact same thing and you're like, this is better somehow. I don't like the many. Do you not like them? I like the many.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's like a, a gut drink, but it's, um, it's got, uh, it's fermented. Yeah. So it's got, um, the suds, whatever you call that, like carbonation somewhat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I used to just drink so much coke as a kid that I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, I can't do it now. I mean, I like to have one, but I like it to be rare enough to when I have it, I'm like, oh, that's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, we used to keep cokes under my mom's bed, room temperature all summer. I would just go get them out of there and just drink them room temp. Why would you keep them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are the kids that don't get it? Are they like, this is great. Oh, they love it. Yeah. They love it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once you start to eat bad too, you're like, well, I've already done it now. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I never drink again. Because I feel like if I had one I'd be like, oh well it's gone now, I've already broke it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe a scientist was trying to make a little name for himself. He was like, you know what? I'm trying to get a little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then the green M&M guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really want to make them more human-like, just oughta give them a torso. You know, or a separate head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All candy, all chocolates, better frozen. This is vanilla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I even lived in Charleston for a long time and did not eat that candy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it look like? Wouldn't you think that dance was named after the city?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does look a little bit. I don't think, I don't want to criticize it, but I am not interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh Henry. Well, the name, Oh Henry. Well, what can I get in you? And I'll take a Oh Henry. Yeah. I think you don't like the name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only candy bar that's mentioned. Yeah, that would be maybe the most upsetting thing possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think you're getting a hundred grand and it's a candy bar and they all laugh at you and it's like, that is devastating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's devastating. As a poor person, that hurts me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very good. I love a cherry coke at the movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought the listener might wanna hear the crunch, you know what I mean? It just seems unnecessary to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think chewing into the microphone is what people are looking for. They were, people were really dying for a candy episode. They were like, so I think they want to hear some crunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wanna think that you gotta, you do the peanut butter, then you do the chip, and then chocolate right over it. I feel like this is crumpled up chip in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying I think they should, that's how they should do it. I'm just saying you're disappointed for no reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did have some trail mix with the M on the M&M. Oh, you have? Yeah, just recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a ball jar, you know, that you had to open and then there was, uh, plastic around it that popped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mike and Molly. Milk and Magnesia. No. Yes, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't really push Murray right out. They probably got Murray out. Murray brought in the red food dye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine going home and your parents are paying for MIT and your dad's like, well, uh, what have you learned? Well, we just built a machine to try to open Oreo cookies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you just lay, I mean, I've not done this for nine kids, but I think if you just lay out the bread and then go through with the meat and then go through with the condiments, then it's probably, I'm not saying it's not hard. You're bringing a system. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I thought, uh- I used to get into a rink pop though, I forgot all about them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The banks, yeaah. I don't know why banks give you candy. I never understood that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it were something bigger, if it were donuts, then people would take a bunch of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't make the donuts last. You can never give out treats like that. People will take several.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people will take, I used to give it when I, at my job, I used to give away hats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People would always be like, can I get another one from my cousin? And it's like, no, you can't. I'm giving away hats. And then they're mad. And I'm like, I just gave you a hat. Now you're unhappy with me. Cause I didn't give you two. Yeah. People like hats. Yeah. They love hats. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean my dad worked for Aflac and he had the little ducks that you could squeeze and it would go Aflac, Aflac and people could not stop wanting those. Yea, I believe that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, my dad worked for AdFight for like 20 years. Oh, really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. I mean, he's all about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he used to tell people that he did the, the voice of the duck. That was a big thing for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then he got fired because he made some jokes about, uh, Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And apparently Japan buys a lot of cancer insurance from Aflac. So they fired him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big Red was the one where they had the commercials where people were making out all the time. Chewing the gum. Like, you chew the gum and someone kisses you. Yeaah. Yeaah. That was the Axe body spray of the gums.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what happened when the red food dye was causing cancer, they started crushing beetles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to like the little smarties that would act like I was taking pills or vitamins. That's what I did as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was selling it as fairy floss back then too. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he changed the name, that seems, it'd be hard for me to change the name if I made 1.7 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At a fair. It took a while, but I think- Oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, no, I'm against this. You like it? I'm not a big fan of it either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as, yeah, going into that, I was like not, not liking it, but it got really good. And I was even looking at mailman as I was, as I was eating it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Or people on the road in small towns can't help but buy that shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then people have it at their house and they're like, oh, I got it from a comic. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean you gotta practice before you jump right into. Uh, Pop Rocks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How old were you when you started Westwing? Seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're always like, oh, we busted it. And it's like, well, did you though? You didn't do it on a human. It's a great idea for a show though. It is a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and people believe him. They think that, oh, Bill Nye said it. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's just, uh, yeah, I guess you break down or something. That's get a smooth Snickers in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A guy with a keyboard like that, I think he smoothed that Snickers bar out at home. I think he licked it, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you waste the whole throw up bag for uhm, just a little piece of gum? If I need to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to go to Bolivia, North Carolina to the Odell Williamson Auditorium on Saturday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the NateLann Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life is busy and your wellbeing is important. Athletic Greens has given you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of Vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. That's AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go, folks. Uh, you know, uh, when I was in Paso, which had been a couple weeks ago, uh, when this comes out, we're having a, uh, uh, oh, I'm sitting here with Dusty Slay, Aaron Webber, uh, Brian Bates, uh, died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where'd he get frostbite in July? He'd be the guy to do it. Uh, no, Brian, we had record two, uh, uh, so he missed, uh, both of these, but he will be back, I believe the next week. He'll be here strong, doing better, strong like a bull. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's already got its bearings. That's gotta be a tough way to get born. If you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean you're, it's gotta be the only birth that's like just, it's chaos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was this your first like time? Was it like your dad's like, Hey, can you give me a hand? You're like, yeah, I don't want to do anything crazy though. It's like, well, this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't have car facts for this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet they sell it to people that buy a farm that shouldn't own a farm. And then they're like, I'll take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. It is. That is such a crazy way to be born. Just to, you come out and I mean, you're in it and you stand up and just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Big J, we used to start when we would fly, we'd always do these, uh, Big J would always, like, you're, oh, and you're gonna fall asleep on a plane and then like it bumps and someone wakes you up and you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just sore. He's just, trunk is all, uuuh. He's gotta shake it. You think an elephant ever shakes his trunk out? I bet it's like, oh, yea. All the time. Cause it's just, you want to, you know, just be like, when they stretch, do you see it go straight out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just goes, yeaah. Like does the trunk just go straight out and he's like, you know, and he's just like, uuuh. Stretching feels great. When you see an animal stretch, you're like, that's a nice stretch. I did yoga this weekend, this past weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody feels good. Yeah, stretching feels good. Yeah, yoga is supposed to be, you know, it's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell ya, he's like, no, no, no, it's like, you know, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barry Sanders did it. And you're like, well huh? Yeah, yeah. Barry Sanders did yoga. That's why he could wiggle. Wiggle like he did. Uh, by the way, I'm sitting here, my people might be able to see it, of a Kenny Chesney shirt on. Went to Dan Shea Chesney, Kenny Chesney concert. Big Kenny Chesney fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. He's in shape, man. That's why I bought it. And it's, uh, he has to be. He runs around. Kenny Chesney was the back, the song, Back Where I Come From. I'm an old Tennessean. I would listen to that song. I've always had a big fantasy of like getting to do a show, then him playing that song afterwards. Cause I would listen to that song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I moved to Chicago and like, I'm just, no one's from here or I'm not from there. And I listened to it for every show, New York every time. If I ever went out subway, I would always just listen to that song just to like remember, you know, just to be like, all right. What was your song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you just hadn't, you needed it to feel like you're almost like Elise was talking to someone. I would hear someone like me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before I went and talked to everybody that's not like me. Yeaah. Now all these people are my best friends of my life now. Big Jay, I mean, it's, I got a group that's of people that you would, it's crazy that we would be together. People could see us meeting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm with big J and Nick and you know, Louis and like, you're like, well, I don't know how this guy's. What is this crew walking around? That's comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Sam, let's start with the comments from you guys. Sam Fister, Feister.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I work at a chain restaurant that has a drive-thru. For probably the last eight months, I've been greeting each person at the drive-thru speaker with, hello folks, so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There have been exactly zero people that have responded to let's go folks. Should I change my approach? Thanks for everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for everything, you, Aaron, Dusty, and Bunyan. Is that Bunyan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do for the fans. Uh, I appreciate it. You can start with Let's Go, folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe because L.O. folks, maybe they think that just would be, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, that's, that's another way to go. Uh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I work at a red chain restaurant that has a drive thru. What chain restaurant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking, I would think barbecuity. I think that's what I was thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but he doesn't work at one of the main, you know, like, uh, Applebee's. Well, they wouldn't have a drive-through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why it's like a barbecue plate, like Jim and Nick's down here. Like it's like, there's these barbecue places. Some of those have it, uh, Mrs. Winters, maybe they have those still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did have someone this weekend, they're in Paso. Big fans, they were awesome. They brought me to Milky Way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, they, and, uh, they, they, they were hello folks. And then one lady was like, I'm a let's go folks person. And it was like, oh yeah, it was nice. That was the whole point. It can be either one. It can be your moods. Hello folks is, it could be sometimes you're, you're 85% hello folks and then 15 let's go folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a, oh, a chain restaurant. It's called a restaurant. So it's gotta be a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate, I'm a manager at a small company, but I also recently completed a stand-up comedy class and am ready to make the plunge into open mics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our comedy teacher taught us that we should always punch up and never punch down. When it comes to making jokes about other people. But I have some employees that I would think would make for great comedy. What is your rule on the punching up or punching down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I always make fun of myself, so I guess I would always be punching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even like very successful things. I mean, that's just been done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're, you know, if it's like, I hate big corporations and you make jokes about that, like I get, like I get it. But then sometimes you're like, everybody's going to make those jokes. And like that, when I used to have jokes about defending Walmart, it was like, I would just want to come from a spot. You just want to come from the opposite way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's what you want to do. And then, uh, yeah, those people have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can make fun of those people, but there needs to be love. You need to show that you don't despise them and you think you're better than them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, you could maybe throw yourself in there with them. Like maybe all of us as a group, we think this. Don't think I work with these dumb people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's why they're being dumb. Like me and my buddies, we all work there and I think we're all dumb. And then now we're all dumb and you're dumb with them. And that's fun. Now you're a fun group instead of you being like, I'm better than them. They're losers. I say that. I mean, that being said, I say that about Bates every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, because, and that's also a good way to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you're making them, if it's about you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's better even for your, your, your, your right more if it's about you. Cause it's your experience. And that's what you're selling is your person, your point of view is what people are buying and how they relate to it is either, I would say they laugh with you or laugh at you. Either way counts as a laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you, you're really trashing the thing. It almost like if you went that far and said, these idiots that work at this place and they're bad, whatever. And you go, and then at the end of you're like, I worked there, I've worked there longer than they have. Like you, you have to do something that will save it to be like, yeah, there you go. Uh, Chad Stapleton, I just wanted to give a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanted to give a huge shout out to Aaron for his inspiration. I took Aaron's plan and started intermittent fasting. I don't eat after 1pm and I am now down over 60 pounds. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm now down three pants and shirt sizes. This is the lowest weight I've been in 15 years. Thank you, Aaron. Keep up the great work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, congrats Chad. Uh, congrats to everybody that's done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, yeah, you'll be all right. It's the road, hard you run those, you know, the, the Burt tours or that's, I mean, that's, that's chaos. That was so much. You can't. Yeah. Yeah. You have to, you have to, it's not, you know, you have to eat good. I thought I could tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Though, my energy, from eating good, we're doing the calorie things. Again, like I said, I've eaten, I'll just eat if it's serving size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still like candy. I still like McDonald's. It's like, but then I also know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I could go eat McDonald's, but a Big Mac is 800 and something calories. And then you're like, so that's, I'm right now eating 1800 calories. Well, that's, that's, I mean, I'm not going to get really much left. It might be even more than that if I just a meal. So it's like, I could eat that once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm probably gonna be starving later, but I also will be tired too, and I just know that. The day after my special, which we're shooting September 24th in Phoenix,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'll see, I'm trying to get down. I've been Phoenix that same weekend, by the way. Oh, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm inviting a lot of comics, all the comics, not all of them will be on the show, but it's kind of just like a, trying to make it a fun thing. Cause everybody's been. Can we talk?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so if, if anybody doesn't know this, the round is like, it's a special work of the stages round. And so the audience is kind of sitting all around you. Uh, no, I, so I've done a few shows at that Celebrity Theater in Phoenix. And actually a bunch. I've, I've probably, I've headlined it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think maybe twice, maybe three times. One was a part of a radio thing, but I did like 45 minutes. And then, so I've done it, and then I've done like probably Michael Finney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the, uh, I have the billboard up there, uh, comedy art, the dry heat comedy classic we used to do. Uh, they would do, they always did that at the celebrity theater. And so I performed, so I've been on that stage a bunch. I like it cause it makes me move. And I was never, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A big mover, so on stage, so it kinda made me, cause you gotta kinda face the crowd, so you just constantly always kinda like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, there might be one, but I don't know. Not that I know of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be okay. I mean, you know, it's crazy. We've added that third show, so I get to do a show with it, but we're talking about filming it and like how we're talking about shooting it, uh, is, you know, cause I don't know if cameras will, I'll make all the way around, but I don't know if cameras will be completely, you know, you kind of a 180 ish. So it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, so if this is straight ahead and the circles all around me, it's like, I'll go like halfway and I can see these people looking here and I'll go halfway. I don't know if I'll make a. Oh, interesting. It's more of a revolving door kind of, you know, kind of angle. I have a word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's why I didn't do it on my first special. Uh, there's, yeah, I'm joking. That's not, that's not a mean. You're like, yeah, I would like, yeah, I'm now that I'm not worried about it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would have definitely been terrified of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've just performed in this place a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I could ever get to arenas and be selling up tickets to these arenas, I would love to do the round. But you gotta sell a lot of tickets for that. But like to do it in the middle, in the audience, I think the round is awesome. You just kind of move around. I've always really liked it. And I think it benefits a person like me that's not a big, I'm not super animated. And so like it helps me get a little more animated. I'd like a stage that's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I don't, we won't have it doing it. Yeah. As stand-ups we don't, but when there are bands on it, it slowly moves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they just play and it just, you know, and it goes all the way around. Yeah. So you can, you can have a move. You could do that. Just be just slow. I don't want that to be too distracting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm borderline, I'm, I'm on team that guy over you. I was picturing like you walk in and see it, no one's sitting yet. Once they're seated, you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what are they gonna do? Stand up and then have to go stand on the other side?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could dance floor in the middle with just, oh, and they're not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you'd be, I thought you'd be past that by now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, alright, I guess. You would have asked. Especially if he's going to sell you out like that. You would have just done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would just do the show in the middle. If it's packed and they're all around, then it's like, you just deal with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that's a very nice hotel. Laura's like, Laura's family that worked there. That was like a very, yeaah, there used to be a, there's like a big history about it, I don't think we've talked about it on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like those situations, like yeaah, those are the worst when you get stuck like that. And sometimes in hindsight you're thinking it would be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Better if you could go up to the DJ and you go, Hey, let me just say something real fast. You're like, Hey, we're going to, we're going to do comedy, but not just yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y'all finished dancing, you're having a good time, I don't want to ruin that. Yes. Like if you just make a joke about it, it's all about how you're introduced. And then that depends on how the show goes. Cause you're like, yours is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, these people are like in a moving company before your show starts. And you're like, all right, there you go. God's all right, bring your headliner up. Uh, could we get, uh, we're going to get some different shutters on these back windows that we could get. Has anybody got a hammer and a nail? Some nails? Hammer and a nail. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy can't handle, uh, there's a little too much light going through on him, so he needs it perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you not only didn't get the job, but you, that your great great grandparents were some pretty serious Nazis. I used to comfort people going on interviews by saying the worst thing they can say is no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what the guy should have said. And so do you want me to go apply? Well, maybe I'll go see if they're hiring. Cause I guess I can't work here. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Logan Hurst. I actually had the opportunity- Well, I just wanna say that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody knows a dusty stance on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Logan Hurst, I actually had the opportunity to have dinner with Dennis Rodman a few years ago with a small group from work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we talked a lot about North Korea. He said that if we Americans had a chance to meet Kim Jong Un in person, and not through the media lens, we'd really like him because he cares about his people. Thanks for all the laughs over the past few years. Look forward to it every week. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great. Yeah, one guy is about Nazis. Next guy, like Kim Jong-un, good dude. I'm sure North Korean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I could see, it goes back to my, my theory with everything, is every person on earth is basically nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you, if you just treat, if you walk out, but, but go live a life and everybody you're going to encounter go, I bet they're a great person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm not saying it, but I'm just, I'm saying like in general. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your odds of meeting a murderer or something are pretty low. And if you do, it's not good. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, but it's your, if you, but if you go with the attitude of like, I think everybody's like, you're going to meet them, you're like, people get bad when they get in groups and that they, that's when, you know, but if you pull back side and you're like, I can't, you'd be like, this dude's the best dude in the world, dude, like, cause everybody's the best person in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how stuff gets solved though. Someone comes in and goes, everything should be free. He goes, it's a lot of work to unfree this country or we'll just keep doing what we're doing. We got a good thing. I don't know anything about North Korea. I mean, you know, we could be big over there. Uh, and they just can't write us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thomas Chandler, Nate thinking one nine was less than 110 reminds me of the A&W restaurant chain introducing a one third pound burger as a competitor to the quarter pounder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it didn't take off since the general public thought it was less meat and the same price. Uh yeaah, I wouldn't have, I don't think it would have taken off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're competing against their own burger. Is that what they were doing to you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, quarter pounder. Cause the one third is a quarter pounder. One third is more than a quarter pounder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No wait, one third of a pound. One third pound, is that how you say it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting a third of a pound burger and that's not even good. Quarter Pounder is a great name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So 1-3 is in between, might as well just do a half then. So yea 1-3 doesn't make sense. Cause there's not a good name for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I looked back at him and said, okay, thanks. Having never worked in the food industry before, they seemed to, that seemed a little odd, but thought, man, they keep a really good count of how much food they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was only supposed to be a food runner, but we got extremely slammed.


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[Assistant] Like in text? In text and stuff. Yeah. Don't do that to me. And I think your age, you probably, it's fun, right? It's kind of fun. It's like some kind of code.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, but I get it. Like, what's your 20, what's your ETA? Who's ETA? I think people, yeah.


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[Assistant] I would think, yeaah, I think I would probably answer time. I was like, what's your 20? I dunno, 15 minutes? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Well, then now, then you're, you're in the back and he goes, well, who's up looking at the 12th? And you go, oh, I didn't know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's a guy at 115, is he? He can price you to 12.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it takes me longer than I would like to admit.


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[Assistant] When I have to read a clock like that, but I, but I, in general I get it. And I'll catch myself just being...


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[Assistant] Do you think there's a camera? Cause a lot of cameras would be, that's where you'd put a camera. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, Caitlin Blanchard, the Blanchard family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever happened to the show that Big Bird and Aaron were on together for an episode? Did that air? If not, when will it and where can we see it?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm gonna get Greg. Greg's gonna come by, because we talk about Greg a lot.


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[Assistant] Greg, Greg Garcia, he listens to the podcast. Uh, yeah, he had a year. So he's, I remember reading this. He's, I saw the script early and it was like, he's unreal, dude. I mean, I'll tell you, he won't say it. He's, I mean. Very humble guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very humble, but I mean, there's not, it's probably the best writer I've ever seen. And he writes everything so quick. He created, my name is Earl and a bunch of stuff. I like a ton of, uh, uh, I can't remember them all.


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[Assistant] Wow. Eh, I'm rattling them off, maybe a couple other. He'll tell you. Ask him, he'll tell you about it.


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[Assistant] We'll be talking about it. We'll be talking about it. We'll keep you posted on that. They have ads. I've seen a picture. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, uh, Alec Mero. Hey Nate, new listener here. I recently turned 27 and also found out I'm dyslexic. Dislexic. Needless to say, a lot of things are starting to make sense. After eight years of special reading classes, it never occurred to anyone that maybe there's something wrong. After being told that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dislexia is genetic. I asked my father if anyone in the family has it. His response was, yeah, me, grandpa, your uncle and cousin are all dyslexic.


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[Assistant] On top of him not being good enough.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, that's funny to be, it's, it's all your perspective. It's this heartwarming story and he gets in and, cause it is, they're a mix, there's a mix of that go getter attitude, but then you're also like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, go put it into something you can be good at and you're going to be, you're going to, you're going to be great. But he maybe inspired a lot of people, you know, when they even move about them. Uh, Joel Matan is like, they didn't make a move about me. I did pretty good. Uh.


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[Assistant] Rudy, they go, they make a move on this podcast just about baits.


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[Assistant] That's it. It's when none of us are in it. It's on Neyland.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's kind of crazy though, like they make, they don't make a big deal about it. And it's Joe, my, uh.


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[Assistant] He won a, don't want to say he won a national championship. They didn't win the national championship that year. Where'd you do that? No. So they don't even make a...


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[Assistant] Movie about the great, the year they have and Joe Montana. I'll be honest, I could see Joe being a little upset.


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[Assistant] Eric Yates, Nate, I recently listened to your appearance on the 2013 episode of The Crab Feast with Ryan Sickler and Jay Larson, and you told a longer, fuller version of the concussion story, which later became the joke in your special. Nine years later.


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[Assistant] My question is, did you always know that story would eventually be a joke or, uh, in your act and did it take you that long to fully think of a way to make it stage ready or does something


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[Assistant] Did something just one day click in your memory that made you want to make it into a joke? The dedication it takes to never let such a great story go is truly impressive. Thank you. I'm the Joe Montana of the Rudy's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, there's, you have those stories, uh, I had that one. I actually told a version of that one on something else, but it was never that in detail. And it was on, maybe yelled at by a clown. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or something, but it was never the, uh, I never had it. And then it came back. It came back just because, uh,


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[Assistant] But I didn't really tell it. It wasn't really like, I knew I could tell it again.


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[Assistant] It was like, oh, he told me that. And I've, and I told it on, yeah, it was Crabfeast. He told it somewhere else. I told, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My cousin Tuesday, the wedding story with Tuesday, I told that on Marc Maron, like on the live. I did a live WTF and I want to say that's one of the first times I've ever told that story, was on that. And then I ended up telling him my act.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, sometimes, uh, sometimes you just need, you can't figure out, like, it could be a story.


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[Assistant] And then you're like, you know, that whole story is like, you don't want it to be just a sad kid falling off a cliff. Right. So you just got to figure out how can I make it like all kind of be funny and not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not this kind of set. And so you just kind of, sometimes you gotta sit, it is, you do sit, wait, you just go try it somewhere and you can't figure it out.


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[Assistant] And then you just, you just, I think it just stays in your brain. And then you just end up one day something, it's kind of like you're saying, one day it does, something kind of clicks. Are you thinking about that story? For me, a lot of times it'll happen with, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm writing a new hour, cause when you do a new hour, sometimes you go back to some stories that have never made specials or-


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[Assistant] It's, you know, you could, I might have 20 something minutes or more of just like kind of random stuff that just never made something. This next special has a couple things that were always kind of my randoms, but they actually might make this special. I'm not positive yet.


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[Assistant] There's actually a place for them. You need a place.


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[Assistant] I remember, and I would try to write stuff down, and I remember just being, I remember thinking, I'm not good enough to tell this shit. And then I would just, just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know where I wrote that stuff down. I wish I would know. Yeah. Cause then whatever ideas I would have had, but there was, there was a lot of times I could say, I don't know how to do this. And so then I'd be like, it's very funny, but I don't know how to tell it. And so I gotta wait until I'm ready. And yeah, it's an adventure you get ready.


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[Assistant] As a product we have started using every day. We all started taking athletic greens. We all did it. Uh, none of us eat very well. I'm not eating a lot better. Kind of. I'm still eating. It probably, you know, I mean, it's better. It's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's great. You get all your stuff, you get it done. It's almost a good like build it into your like kind of morning routine. Uh, just get up and you make it and uh, one scoop of powder, uh, shake and drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, travel packs are great. Uh, it, it just contains less than one gram of sugar. I mean, just a lot of vitamins. It's, it's, uh, right now it's, it's cheaper than getting all the different supplements yourself. It costs less than three dollars a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, right now, it is time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition. It is just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it. No need for a million different pills and supplements. Look out for your health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


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[Assistant] All you have to do is visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate. Again, that is AthleticGreens.com slash Nate to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very good. That's a shirt that you could wear, uh, to a dinner party, you could wear it hiking. Or to a club. Or to a club. I mean, like, it's like that nice looking and it would be comfortable if you went out and... Doing a lot of dancing. Yea, a lot of dancing.


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[Assistant] I'm very glad I wore Missing in Maine because now I athletically moved this old lady's table cause, you know, the comedian doesn't want to spin. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, you know, for when we went hiking, we, uh, well you have all trails, there's like an app you can do.


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[Assistant] But you still think you should, you should probably have a regular map too. Cause it's like phone goes, like that first time we went hiking, we didn't have enough water. Everybody's phone's dead. Like you're like, oh, you don't have service. Like, you know, even though you can download it, you're like, well, you should still probably carry. You have the phone.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I have a real regular map, but I like a map. I did maps when I was doing my delivery stuff and, uh, when I moved to New York and delivered, I used a little map that was the book. Oh, the Unfoldable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, it had the spirals in the back of it. Oh, okay. But you would just go look at the streets and then know like, all right, here left. I mean, I read a map, like I could drive and just look at it. He'd give you a warning street.


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[Assistant] That much older is that you're like, I barely saw the end of it. You're like, that was like a game changer.


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[Assistant] Like I remember going on the road and like, you didn't print the, I didn't grab the directions out of the printer. And you're like, what are we going to do now? And it was like, how you got anywhere? You, I remember just having, you just have papers and papers of the directions on the MapQuest just in your seat. Cause you had to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember they, I remember people using MapQuest too, like after...


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[Assistant] Like, well, cause then after map questions, it wasn't, smartphones weren't first, it was the GPS system. Right. And so then I remember, but those were expensive. Those Tom Toms? Yeah, Tom Toms. I remember, I remember finally getting one. I remember like finally getting a Tom Tom and you're like, that's crazy. I can't believe I got one. Uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, but I remember a lot of people, cause you, even TomToms were out, it was like you started doing map quests cause it was just, TomToms were expensive.


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[Assistant] And he couldn't afford them and then they didn't able to get one. And then it was like, I, you trusted it so much. And then now it's like, yeah.


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[Assistant] You still should know, like it is a weird thing that you're like, that's the thing is like a map, you do want a map in the fact that it is, you're kinda, you don't like trust it, everything goes wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, yeah, I don't use it. I'm trying to think if I go downtown, I'll use it. Some of it's for just the traffic. Now you're using it just to be like, is there going to be traffic? Uh.


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[Assistant] But other than that, or if I'm trying to see how long it's really going to take me, I'm like, ah, that'll be 18 minutes. You know, or like, I'm trying to really see an exact, I'm late, you know, whatever. Uh, but yeah, it's, it is, you try to sometimes be like, I don't need it. And so while I do.


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[Assistant] Uh, the, I don't remember, yeah, exit numbers I don't ever remember.


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[Assistant] I think I got a good sense of air force. Like, uh, I can always feel.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I feel it. South is, should be behind us. East, west.


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[Assistant] Is that really North? Alright, boom. That's good. Yeah. I'm in my house, but like. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But it's like, I can always just kind of be like, yeah, it's that, it's that way. I can just picture it. I mean, I guess you could, uh, yeah. I think where we're sitting right now, I'm sitting.


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[Assistant] Exactly the way the interstates going. Yeah. Versus like I'm sitting in your seat, you know, then it would feel that way where I would be, I'd be like, it's East. But just like.


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[Assistant] I forget if we try to use a compass. No, oh, that day we were kind of, the one hike went bad, we tried, we were like, do we have a compass? And then,


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[Assistant] And that was a little tough, you know, cause you're, you're, you know, we were in, uh, Reno, like by Lake Tahoe, like in the mountains up there. So you're like, you don't, you definitely don't know where you're at and you got to kind of feel it. But yeah, I have a good, yeah, I think I have an okay sense of direction. I remember coming out of New York though, the subway, I would.


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[Assistant] When I first moved there and I came out of that subway, you would be like, I don't even. And I always think we're, and what's funny is I always think they're extreme. So I think where's my home? Like old Hickory. So then I'm like, which way is old Hickory? And like, you're like, you know, I'm like, well, it doesn't matter really where it's up. But it's like, to me, I know old Hickory south.


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[Assistant] So it's like, what way is home? Like if I wanna go home, I gotta go that, go that way.


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[Assistant] You get used to it though. I mean, it's a grid. The city's a grid. So, uh, and you end up, I mean, it would take me, I, when I go back, I'll be, I'm alright, but I like, I'm not, I wasn't, I'm not in it like I was.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you blew it buddy. I like that though. Yeah, you blew it.


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[Assistant] That like really worked out? I think that's why they call it a car. Is that why they call it a car?


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[Assistant] They called it cartography in who knows when.


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[Assistant] Uh, so mid 19th century, so that means, does that mean 18-something?


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[Assistant] Is that how they, they might have come up with car for...


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[Assistant] Yeah, mine would have said like, where did the word, I actually have a joke about this right now that I do on stage, but I, that I think I get sent down a dumb internet. And I think this is the internet that you get. Yours says Oxford, like, let me Google what I would type, how I would have asked this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, his wires are little. Oh yeah. We got it. We got it. Yeah. So I'll like, if I would've, if I would've sit here and had to Google it, uh, where did...


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[Assistant] And then I'm like, well, this is how they lose me. Cause they go, etymology of the word cry. I go, I didn't want to know what I don't know. I don't want to know that etymology. I want to know where that's what I would have said to this person. I don't want to know that. Where did the word come from?


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[Assistant] And then that's why I go to when, what people also ask and that's where I head to. When do they start using the word car?


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[Assistant] My joke, the joke I have, just so people, I don't want to do it, is...


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[Assistant] I go into this, people also ask. I like, uh, I'll talk about Google and something. Oh yeah. I haven't heard that. Oh, it's, uh, it's a newer one. No, it's, uh, it's in my Eagle joke. Oh, but I've made it like, kind of like that's a, it's a joke. That's like really about, we had the Eagle in their backyard, but then the end, the middle of the joke is kind of about me not knowing how to Google. And so I've kind of like.


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[Assistant] Almost, it's like I've, uh, it was like finding something that goes in somewhere else. It just kind of works. And so it's like, it's fun to like, it's almost, I'm doing two bits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like you're, you're always doing two jokes. He like, uh, you know, I got one joke is about this Eagle and building a nest and another joke about me not knowing how to Google. And then so kind of mind them pretty good. Yeah. Two jokes intertwined.


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[Assistant] Like, it is everything that's like the most boring thing we could ever say. You're like, there's a whole West Wing episode about this, this is encyclopedia, fault this other encyclopedia. That's the only big word.


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[Assistant] That's the only, if you guys, if they said, say a big word, I would just say encyclopedia. That's the only big word I had.


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[Assistant] Big as Africa. I don't know. What are you sizing? I think if you count, I guess this is.


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[Assistant] But it doesn't make like, you think China is huge and all this and then you're like, oh.


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[Assistant] But maybe they just made it because that would be weird to look at a map like this.


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[Assistant] I was like, yeah, I like the gall on the gall Peter's projection. Uh, yeah, that one you're like, so you didn't want to do the top part.


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[Assistant] Well, he goes, I was just trying to like, I was like, let me guess, you forgot the top part. Let me just take a shot in the dark. You forgot the top part and you had to jam it in there. And that's why it's tough to see.


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[Assistant] I would think, that's what I would say to the gall, and then that guy is like, I took the time. I took the time. And, you know.


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[Assistant] And they would just say, why would they not, but why is the top part so jammed up there? Like why?


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[Assistant] They should more of a, uh, well that looks like there's, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like I would say in Africa, that's the hot part, and then that's the shady part. Is that not the trees? Yeah, that's all the trees. There's Arizona, it's like, come over here, we're hot, we don't have a lot of trees. And then you come over here and you're like, we got a lot of trees over here.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but we've already chose it. So now it'd be a lot to, or it'd be a lot to change it.


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[Assistant] Well, there would be a north because your compass is going to the north.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess it's technically on top, right? Cause it kind of reaches back around and then you go to green island. Santa Claus really chose a place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Falling north the whole time. You know how hard it'd be to go, go south. You're like a trick of this.


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[Assistant] This is like, this is college. You're in space. This is straight up what college does. There's, you learn no trade, no, you come out of college, you know nothing but to like annoy your dumb friends. You go and just go, but honey, it's all hypothetical and then you get all,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the rest of us are just stuck listening to you, but you don't, how are you not getting it? And you're like, cause I, you know, you paid 400 grand. I guess I would fight for it too, you know?


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[Assistant] Yeah, we should give it to him. It cost him half a million dollars to learn that it could be at any point.


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[Assistant] That is true. But if I tell you to come meet me north, I bet you know where to go.


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[Assistant] I'll buy into that. And there kinda is, I guess. I'm in a seahorse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. See a seahorse, exactly.


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[Assistant] I mean, in a way, like, it doesn't look exactly, but there's the great white is the, you know, the lion of the sea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, you, you know, when you go, uh, now that I'm a world-class hiker, I've been hiking a lot, uh, uh, dude, is this your, when you graduated high school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what do they do? They just check in with us every once a year and they go, where at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty exciting. Yeaah. I'm into that. I mean, how do they not have, like, they can't do this with satellites or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like why don't they throw a Roomba, like a, you know throw a few thousand Roombas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take your shoes off. You're like, you're a robot though. Clean up. Like they want you to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many people are making maps? I mean like, you know, is this, I can't even, how big is this world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they're like, uh, you kidding me dude, this guy's trying to, you know, already did the Rockies, buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what map are you, you know, what map are you doing? Is it like, is it down to the, is it the where's Waldo guy call himself a cartographer? Like what are we, where's, is there some lines being drawn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we're like, who's a cryptographer? Like, I don't understand, like, who's all making all these maps?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think there'd be a lot of fights because you're making the same thing over and over again. So you're kind of just being like, well, this is my new take. Like, I don't, I guess you could be, well, you know, the Rockies, this one, they go up a little more, you know, it's like, I guess like that. They built a road. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess you're updating roads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I wonder if you're in the map world, do you want to even be in the road world? Cause isn't Google like, cause you're like, that's just nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you'd be like, I just do generally, like if you went to Matt party, you're like, well, what did you, you know, what do you do? And he's like, I just do like state lines because I'm not getting into, nothing too crazy. He's like, I did rivers for a while. And then that's even, you know, just the politics and that alone is enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't want to go, what if you're driving and you can't find go blue and then you're like, you know, you're just lost for hours. Why would you be going to go blue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you just, cause it's part of the way you like, let's stop at Go Blue to eat. And then that, that kind of maps it out. And then you get to Go Blue and it's like nine o'clock. I think, well, there's supposed to be a town Go Blue and I was hoping there'd be food here. Well, by the time he gets the next town, it's 10 o'clock and everything's already closed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way you say stuff is, that is the difference of I think college and not college. What do you mean? Like you just said, you're like, this is kind of an artistic, what'd you say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's honestly what I would have said. And that's pretty great. That is funny that that's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying, no, no, you're saying it in like, I mean, I think it's how people have real jobs. You know, like how people are supposed to talk. You know, I don't, I'm not even making fun of it. I'm truly like, that could be where, why I didn't last in buildings. I didn't ever work in a building because I just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My thing was an outdoor cat. Yeah, it's like, it's a little bit easier to see it over this way. This guy just goes, this is basically it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like it, the way he said it, I liked it said to me better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he, the way he said that, I would follow that, I would follow him over myself who would say, here's a little bit easier way to look. I would, I would be like, well, that guy, I feel like knows what he's doing and talking about. And me, me would have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they know what the outside looks like cause they wouldn't, they sailed around it.


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[Assistant] It would be fun. Is there any unknown land? I think I should try to look that up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like when you're, uh, you're going to be like when, when you and your wife are in your sixties and then you go, my wife's from Canada, that you'll be like, what? Like people will be blown away by it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I think you're going to be far enough out in the bush. Oh, right, right. Yeah. That it's going to be. Your wife's four?


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[Assistant] And you're, and you're you, that you're like, you look like you were born here. Yeah. In the bush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well you led that up as, that she died. I hadn't finished reading.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's a, it's a very long, yeah, what at 20, yeah, it was a week or what is that? 20 times 7 is 140, so. Probably five days. Four or five, four or five days. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's she doing? How's she doing better? She still stays out there. About five days, yea. About five days. She just decided to stay out there. She goes, oh, so this one took a, says this. She's out there with Chad riding.


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[Assistant] Turn your volume down. This is a, this is a rough one. Uh, this girl make a wrong turn and uh, survive.


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[Assistant] Water in your hot car all the time. Isn't that bad for it?


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[Assistant] I always thought it was bad to drink if water's been sitting in your car.


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[Assistant] Avalanche warning. There's avalanche warnings, uh, in Canada. Are there really? Yea, cause it's snow. I mean, just, snow's like, it's, it's hanging on the cliffs. And you're like, how, you're, you're just like, you feel like you're always about to watch them fall.


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[Assistant] And that guy's the most famous guy. He's that other guy, Alex. Uh, yeaah. I was either gonna watch, I'm gonna watch that. I thought about watching a few good men.


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[Assistant] Moneyball's good. Is it? Yea. Hmm. They're still a losing team, but.


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[Assistant] That's the funniest part about Moneyball is like, they still have one new thing. Yeaah. It's about like, it almost made, it changed, it's a, it's a, they're, which, I mean it's very real, but it is funny, like there's no, you're like, college, so they won, how many World Series did they win? You're like, nah. You're like, oh, okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, okay. And then see, he knows all the writers. Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Shane Penn wrote it and then, uh, there, but that's the, that's, that's a guy that just, he would just go work for a little bit in town and then just get enough money to be like.


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[Assistant] Like in the movie at one point, Vince Vaughn's in it. It's crazy. It's great. Zach Galifianakis too. And they, uh, he gives him 11, he has $1,100 and he goes, it's, it's too easy now.


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[Assistant] And so he gave away I think $1100, like $1100 was like too much, like he was like, this is too much money.


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[Assistant] You probably did in real life. Oh yea, maybe you're right.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, well he probably maybe even just got the wrong beat.


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[Assistant] I wouldn't do it now though. Like I don't want to do it, I never did want to growing up, but like now.


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[Assistant] I get like the idea of just being, just the.


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[Assistant] Not, you have nothing attached. You know, like, I mean, I'm not now your family, but it's like, you wouldn't, I mean, I wanted to have like, that's why the idea of like getting, if you ever get land and build something like for the family to be like, we're living not, I don't want to be attached, like rely on anybody.


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[Assistant] Your life can't be about you. I'm a big gigantic believer in that. It can't be, nothing can be about you.


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[Assistant] You, you, it's, the second it becomes about you is when it gets sad. And so people get depressed, people get, it's like you gotta realize like, oh I'm thinking about myself a lot.


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[Assistant] And I'm wondering how I feel, what I should be doing, what I, me, me, me. And the second you do stuff for other people, that's your whole life will change. Cause then you get to watch the enjoyment that they get and that should be your.


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[Assistant] That's the enjoyment of it all. That's what makes it fun. I think what stand up is like with us doing jokes, if you are just thinking about, well, I am not, I'm tired and I'm, I don't want to be on the road anymore. And I don't like all the I stuff. I don't like what I'm wearing. I don't like this. Instead of being.


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[Assistant] The joy of hearing the audience laugh and it's about them. It's about making sure they get to come and have their.


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[Assistant] Time away from the stresses of everything and then you get to give them that. And so as long as it's about that, I don't think you get tired of comedy. I don't think you get miserable and I don't think you get.


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[Assistant] I mean, you're gonna get, not saying you never retire, you get worn down, you get all this kind of stuff, but it always makes it rewarding.


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[Assistant] Not this past June. I know we counted from June 21 to June 20 or something. I did 170 shows.


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[Assistant] And so, it was so much, but that first, a good portion of that, where I was like eating bad, and I was, you know, that was it. I was just eating bad. And I'd be tired, just naps during the day, not really go do anything. But then when I started eating good, and I kinda tried to thank you, you gotta kinda somewhat treat this like an athlete. We don't have to be that extreme, but,


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[Assistant] Uh, my, my head's clear, my, uh, my energy is unreal. It's way more than it's ever been.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, you move around, uh, you know, I move a little more, not, it's like never crazy. It's just not my style, but to move too much. But it's like, you're just, I noticed, I mean, I don't, like before I could catch myself.


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[Assistant] Like really trolling off. And I can always like, in your head, you're just like, I'm just like, I don't know what I want to go, you know, you're like, you're just tired. Like that, I go back to one show and specific that I thought about.


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[Assistant] I was, I got frustrated when I was, I was like, I was wearing a jacket and then I was like, I don't like this jacket. And I was just thinking about that and the situation and I didn't like this and I don't like that. And then I'm realizing I'm like 10 minutes into my act and I'm like, this is not, and so I'm like, this is not about me.


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[Assistant] And you gotta get out, like this is, you're, you know, of, you know, you be a vessel, you be whatever you are, you're like, this has nothing to do with me.


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[Assistant] It's not about me trying to be great. It's like, I need to make sure this is good enough for the people that are in that room right now. And that's who it's, that's what you're selling.


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[Assistant] You're no different than any business that you would ever start. You're, it's about, I'm trying to make you


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[Assistant] Like what I am making. So you, you know, and then you get lucky. If it goes great, then you get to live. You get to do a lot of crazy stuff and get to do a lot of stuff. That's the reward, but it can never be about you. If the second it starts becoming about you and your


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[Assistant] How you feel, that's, you get down a sad road and like, and you're never gonna get out of it and you're gonna hate everything. Cause you're annoyed that like, I can't believe these, you know, all this stuff. And you gotta think of it too, if you think positive. I think of it too, I can be having a really good set.


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[Assistant] I was telling you all that earlier and I've, where your ego can pop up and you can be like, I'm a, I'm a pretty good comedian. You're like, I mean, I'm up there going like, dude, I'm murdering. Like I'm here and I'll be thinking like there's, I mean, come on, dude, I'm doing so good. But then I'll catch myself do that and you go, all right, let's chill it out.


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[Assistant] Because you're being great, so that's me being great.


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[Assistant] I hope it goes good. It could always go wrong. And just make it. If your life's not about you and about someone else.


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[Assistant] I think that's exactly what he wrote in that thing. If happy is sharing, if you're sharing it with other people, that's what makes it so great. And that's what makes it rewarding.


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[Assistant] You know, if you're a doctor and you're working on, like, you need it to be about, I'm here to, I, like, it's not, it's not like, cause there's times doctors will be like, you mean lives? I say, dude, like I am so important to Earth. Like he, they could really think that and he's right. But it's like, if you get too egotistical, like then you're, you know.


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[Assistant] Cause it's, yea, cause no one, no one cares. You know, we, we made a joke about it this weekend.


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[Assistant] About like when you get off stage, it's, uh, it's the hard thing with a comedy that's funny, the reality is like, uh,


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[Assistant] You're, you know, you're doing shows, it'd be 3,000 people, you can stay in ovation, show goes amazing, and right when you walk off stage, like, the first person to be like, pizza's cool.


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[Assistant] When I eat it, it's just ice cold and like, you know, it's just that we were joking that it's such a funny.


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[Assistant] We're pretty over it. But you gotta send us, that's where you too, you gotta, there needs to be the positivity backstage too. Cause you do need to have that. Cause that's, that's when.


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[Assistant] It is funny cause it is that, but there has to be, that's what I always say about foul.


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[Assistant] Even, when you do The Tonight Show and when you do Fallon, you're like that.


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[Assistant] The little of the, I know him and like, uh, as I know him, you're like, well, this dude loves it. He loves it. And that's the difference is this guy loves it. Jay Leno loved it. Like.


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[Assistant] They appreciated it. They loved what they got to do. They're like, I can't believe I am getting to talk to you. And they're more famous than some of the people they're talking to.


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[Assistant] And then they're talking to me like, and so it's like, if you have that attitude.


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[Assistant] And stuff where it's always like, no dude, we're here for you. And like, it's thanks for even doing it. You know, it's like just keep that attitude going.


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[Assistant] And that's the attitude to like, I think it keeps you, like, you know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you're, it can be that quick. Yeah. Like you're just kind of, it's done and so, you know, yeah, and you're like, huh, right.