[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's if you use the QWERTY keyboard. That's what everybody uses. That's the line from the office. He said hit control P that's print. Not that the printer isn't plugged in. You're making some dangerous assumptions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are other ways you can lay out the keys for the keyboard. This is, uh, I don't know how to pronounce it, but Dvorak layout. And they said if you're really proficient at this, you can type like 75% faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because the math where the keys are laid out it's much more efficient that way we're all used to this one.


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[Assistant] Isn't that crazy? Yeaah. I thought about trying to use that years ago, but I think it's too late.


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[Assistant] I showed him control S B we'll save it. Cause I don't ever do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what they are? Save? That's like, we're gonna quit. Control Q?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not bad. Watch Legally Blonde recently. Yeah, I have actually. It's a great movie.


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[Assistant] Segway, but it was hilarious. So you're just going to slide that fast. I thought it was the greatest segue of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix, speaking of people that get good night's sleep.


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[Assistant] And I hate to throw them under the bus. I saw a picture of the curling team and they just look like normal dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they'd be like, this guy's not good, you know, but they wouldn't think this guy's from the FBI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have the best route of your life and you have to go there. Yeah. It was just an off day. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] What's the, uh, I don't think they'd let me in to watch any of those events. I feel like swimming or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So even though he won the heat, he didn't qualify for the next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See that's the thing you ask which event i would do i couldn't i wouldn't be able to finish that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could run a hundred meters, not quickly, but I can at least get to the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would have tapped out halfway through the first part of that. Swimming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's less than a mile. It's, yeah, 1500 is a little less than a mile. You couldn't run a mile? I mean, not, I mean, it wouldn't be pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the Antarctica's flag? Do they have a flag? I don't know. White. Snow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do have a flag. That's kind of a cool flag I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they, don't they just run it from town to town?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I've been, I've been a lot of places like, you know, the Olympic torch came through this town that came through the city years and years ago. Somebody ran it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it looks like, it looks like people, this is a fierce debate going on among fans.


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[Assistant] Richard lester's horrible 1983 mass superman three counterfeit kryptonite infected superman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so he's already infected by kryptonite. That's what enables him to get drunk. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Johnny Walker, red labels, gosh, and then Joe was just a mean drunk to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, Alabama would be a pretty low seed, I feel like. Yeah. Yeah. New York be number one. New York, California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, the Olympics started in ancient Greece. We should do that by the way, instead of the Olympics. What? State Olympics? There should be a state, there should be state Olympics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like, oh, this guy's onto something. He kinda changed the game. Some guy shows up. He was freer. Hey, where's your tunic at, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of like people who get hot doing stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went to Athens and like, saw, like, read about it in a history book or something by that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So quick. I believe he said that. I'm not doubting you. You call me a liar, Aaron? Yea. I'm saying, I just, he, I mean, that guy's Super Bowls and World Series and NBA Final, the 100 meter dash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'll take care of it. What country? Is he an American?


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[Assistant] It's the most, I gotta be honest, I've been watching sports my whole life. Springboard diving is the most exciting event I've ever watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like you put the, you put the big fat dude at the end. It's like the anchor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That might be Alabama might have a chance. If we do that in the state Olympics, we might have a good shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a different kind of strength. Nebraska would do really well in it. Yes, it's like that. Holland. Hey, yeah, exactly. Farm guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went in deliberately. I was like, I want to take all the hardest classes just to put on a, just to say that I did. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was doing all that. I wasn't taking weightlifting though. There was a limit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could go back, uh, baseball, go back to like, uh, you know, before the sport was invented, I could beat them back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, that's true. What about you? Do you have one? Weightlifting?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the history of the Olympics. Where everybody's five foot one. Yeah. And they haven't had protein their whole life. Yeah. Could probably take them out. Something. Yeah, I don't know why. Very malnourished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she's about my age. They'll be the Olsen twins for me. I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm thinking about the Olsen Twins. Yeah. They were like, they were like newborns when they were on full house. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I remember watching that and then they had a bunch of their own shows and movies and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this looks like my guy, dude. Yeah. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I literally, just the first city I saw, I just yelled it out that that's where it was, but I didn't even confirm that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They built all that infrastructure and they can't even go there.


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[Assistant] So we do have our facilities open, so you are able to come in person anytime. We're 24-7. And you can cancel in person at one of our terminals with a team member.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if you happen to have moved out of state and you're no longer near our particular location, you may be eligible to transfer your account to a location that is closer to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as people making sure that things were going through the proper way and it was just becoming an issue on not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All three of our whys voted for hello folks. Oh, did they really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Based on the comments I read, there was a few that said there, after you wrote on let's go for a few weeks, that is don't like the about face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them said they just don't like Let's Go so much, they just can't even say it ironically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And his church was clearly a type of church, community church, and he's kind of a very old conservative church like mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't planning on whispering massacre, like, but I said, can't stay, just can't stay and you go, good night. And then I'd lost all confidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, some people pointed out the reason it was discontinued, some pretty major plane crashes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said that last week, right? That would be your, when we're talking about basketball, the guy who holds everybody back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think it was Mike Hargrove who was a long time manager who was the player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he got into an altercation with the fans and Billy Martin was the manager and they ran out there with bats and then the fans swarmed the field and then the Indians ran out there with their own bats to defend the Rangers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that one picture of the guy on the ground there. That's a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was one player who was involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's one player that he has exactly. We're going to wait a week to find out. There was one player who was involved in this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I thought those were your drinking days, so you would have probably gotten them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very true. I for many years, the single guy would get 20, $25 gift as a wedding and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I didn't progress over time. I mean, I was doing that up till two years ago and then my wife's like, we gotta up it a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I looked it up and, uh, stock market was just way down that day, crossed the board.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That video is pretty amazing though. If you kept watching, he does, he like boops the guy on the head and just totally messes with them. But that wasn't George Foreman. Yeah, that was, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, alright, that makes sense, but at the same time...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wouldn't say, uh, what time does Titans play today? They're going up against Jaguars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think Ken Griffey Singer actually signed with Marshall, but I think he was about to, and then he got a minor league contract and needed the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was a Vandy fan, it made me mad that I see some non-Vandy fans post, congratulations Vandy on your next national championship. They're saying that like, because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, because we got a rest pitcher for an extra day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a, uh, outdoor event Saturday, charity event, uh, Anthony Lee and Cooper are big fans of the podcast listen, and, uh, it was fun, but it was obviously outdoors, it's so hot, people were, there was bouncy houses, people were spread out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to his credit, Anthony, without even asking, he just gets comedy. He got everybody to come move to the front. Oh, great. So it would all be up for even move the chairs up so they'd be a little bit more in the shade. And then when I was done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how we all have examples of crazy things we have to follow? When I got off stage, immediately after...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was some guy there whose wife is struggling with cancer and they went really down on their bills. They gave him a new car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was parked right behind this, behind this page there. He starts crying. Then that guy gets up, tells this incredible story. Everyone's totally forgot about me at this point. How he died once, but God brought him back from the dead. He had a reason, a purpose for it. Everybody's crying. And I just told Anthony, thank you so much for not putting that in front of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Uh, there are five vital organs essential for survival. Can you guys guess them? The brain. Your turn, Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the lungs. Yep, you need at least one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What this is, you can still live a fairly normal life without one of your lungs, a kidney, your spleen, appendix, gallbladder, tonsils.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it goes on some of the things. And if you find yourself artificial replacements in medication, you can remove your stomach, colon, pancreas, celery gland, thyroid, bladder, your other kidney. If you want to keep going, you can remove your eyes, nose, ears, larynx, tongue, lower spine, and rectum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When Elaine went with him to sign his thing to not stay alive, she's like, yank it like you're starting them over. Like starting them over. Cause this says supported by machines and intensive care unit. They could also take away your skull, heart, and your remaining lug lung, at least for a short while. Yeah. Man. You could still go to the coffee shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, most of these stuff, spleen, pancreas, gallbladder, I had to look up what they even do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By breaking them down and saving any useful components.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the space in your body. My heart's right next to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm giving you the good stuff off the top. Are some parts of our bodies that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm done. Uh, some parts of the bodies that we don't need, scientists say because of evolution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Used to be when we were, uh, only eating plants that the appendix served a function, but now it says it serves no real function.


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[Assistant] It's funny you still have your wisdom teeth because the reason it says that we get rid of them is the human brain grows larger. It reduces space in the mouth, crowding out the third set of molars. But over time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean where is this? Come on. Well this is prehistoric man they're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Great books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, goosebumps make your hair stand up on your body, which makes it seem larger to predators. Kind of like when a cat's hair raises up on its back. It's to scare away predators.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they don't serve a purpose to scare people off. Well, maybe they do. But generally speaking, that's not what they're used for now. Male nipples. Most men don't need their nipples anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every fetus starts out as a female, and eventually testosterone causes it to either become male or female.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, uhm, it's the one where Jack Black, Bates Gwyneth Paltrow, I can't think of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The average person produces enough saliva in their lifetime to fill two swimming pools.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it doesn't have to come out to count, just this love in your mouth that you swallow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50% of your hand strength comes from your pinky finger.


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[Assistant] We're the only ones. According to... According to this. Yea, according to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go some, at least straight down or forward. He can't just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your liver is the only organ that can completely regenerate itself. If someone donates their liver to someone, their liver will grow back to its original size in about six months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I googled, could you donate a liver multiple times and I couldn't find an answer to that.


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[Assistant] Your body sheds about eight pounds of dead skin a year. Most of those cells settle as dust in your home.


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[Assistant] Well that seems like one of the easier ones. It seems like it makes sense, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's at the world record, 100 meter dash in 2009. That's the fastest. But if you went 15 miles an hour, uhm, for four minutes, that'd be the four minute mile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 15 minutes, 15 miles an hour for a mile would be 4 minutes, I should say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but when Floyd Basher broke the four minute mile, it never been done. And then right after that, a lot of people started doing it, but that was a big milestone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now someone's broken, for two miles, broken the eight minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is even more impressive. Somebody did 2 miles in 7 minutes 58 seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close to Katie. Uhm, as a general rule, a person can survive without water for only three days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, people who have had hunger strikes though have gone...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who've done voluntary hunger strikes have gone up to two months without eating. One guy died in prison after a 66 day hunger strike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can go a lot longer without foods than you can without water. How long could someone go without sleep? The record? 264 hours, which is just over 11 days. Man. Can you imagine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So sleeping, uh, a 17 year old high school student set the world record for longest going out sleeping. That was the guy who went over 11 days. Uhm, but after three or four nights without sleep, you will start to hallucinate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember once staying up in college all night to do a, finish a paper and turn it in early that morning. So it was probably close to 24 hours. But that's it. I need a lot of sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but they did a study on some people's sleep habits and found if you regularly got four hours of sleep at night, that was the equivalent of adding eight years of aging to your brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long can someone go without breathing? Permanent brain damage begins after only four minutes without oxygen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe stop at three. But what's the record of holding breath? So the record just, just got set. March of this year, a guy in Croatia held his water underwater for 24 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, I held his breath on the water. Yeah, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 24 minutes. He held his breath underwater for 24 minutes. That's longer than an episode of Friends, they said. Or any sitcom. What? What was the record before that? I don't know. David Blaine's done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said he trained his heartbeat to slow down and yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says most people can hold their breath somewhere between 30 seconds and two minutes. Navy Sails can hold their breath underwater for two to three minutes, sometimes more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like in his fifties or fifties six. There he is right there. But he did it to raise awareness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so how long could a person live?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A recent study said that even if you survive...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All diseases, like if they cured cancer or everything and you didn't get hit by a bus, the longest our bodies can just hold up is somewhere between 120 to 150 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a lady in West Virginia who holds the record for recovering from death.


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[Assistant] She was declared clinically dead for 17 hours after doctors failed to detect brain activity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her son stated that her skin had already started to harden. Her hands and toes were curling up. They were already drawn up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's Velma Thomas' but not the one that, I don't think that's her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's not her. That's not her? Well she was 59 in 2008.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, unless she really aged when she came back to life, that ain't her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, yeaah. Uh, so how much exercise is good for you? Oh jeez. Alright, here we go, Aaron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do moderate runners have lower risk of death than people who don't exercise? But in a surprising turn, people who ran too much actually had a greater risk of death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, scientists believe weight lifters have reached their saturation point by how much we can lift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the record for heaviest deadlifts, the guy lifted, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 580 pounds from the floor to, uh, over his head. He lifted over a thousand up to his thigh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More than half of your bones are located in your hands, wrists, feet and ankles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, every second your body produces approximately 25 million new cells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, that's true. That's true. About 60% of your body is made up of water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, do you want me to wrap this up? Yeah. Uh, like done done? Yeah. Uh, there's anywhere between 60,000 to 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body. Okay. 160,000?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, it's a list of celebrities who apparently just get to eat free at this restaurant and it's pretty crazy company you're in right here, Nate. Simone Biles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This article said that a bunch of, you know, Hollywood keeps calling and they want to buy it to make it a movie set. But they don't want to sell it to them because they don't want the history of the area to be destroyed. So they want somebody authentic to buy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So yeah, so it's at least like a whole block. Yeah, it's gotta be one whole section.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the Grand Canyon. Yeah. It's so big. You don't even care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems so silly when you look at the earth as a dot like that. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things are so far, so far away. So if you had to guess between the earth and the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The moon feels pretty close, right? Too close. How many planets do you think you could fit between the earth and the moon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I go way high. You could fit all of them. I thought it was amazing. You could fit all the other planets between the earth and the moon and you still have like 1600 miles left over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah. So your surprise is that few.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jupiter's bigger than all the other planets combined. Yeah. Jupiter is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's wild to think about? No sound in space. You ever think about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're still gravita- mass will still have gravitational attraction to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know a lot about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a big one at the center of the Milky Way, right? I think that's what's at the center of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything, nothing, light can't even escape from it. That's cause the gravitational force is so strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the closest, the closest galaxy to the Milky Way, anyone know what's the Andromeda galaxy is the closest one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's still pretty far away, but it's moving directly towards us at 68 miles a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the width across Rhode Island, 1.8 of those per second. That's how fast it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this is, so it's not going to hit us for another 4.5 billion years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give or take. Give or take a few seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's going to combine with ours and it's going to become.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The milcomeda. Milky Way and Andromeda is going to become the milcomeda galaxies. But they think the stars in these galaxies are so far spread apart from each other that the galaxies will combine, but they think there's an excellent chance none of the stars will actually hit each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they're that spread out. That's good. There's that much room, but it'll combine and a lot of planets will get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably thrown out from gravitational force they'll just get ricocheted out just from gravity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would be a lot more going on. I mean, we'll probably be, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll be done way before that probably. 4.5 billion years. The earth will have, the sun will have exploded by then probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No sound can exist. Well sound, sound needs something for it to travel across, like air, and if there's no air out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sound, those vibrations have nowhere to go. There's nothing to vibrate. You'd still, you'd still feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not absolute zero. Actually, I was looking up this earlier and I don't want you to think that I'd know all this. I just, we were looking during lunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The coldest temperature and the hottest temperature in the universe are both on earth. In the whole universe, we've created them on earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They haven't, nothing's been that hot since the Big Bang, they think. We've created it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolute zero. How do you get to that? I don't know, you just put a lot of ice. That'll know how you get, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then everything, so everything's expanding out from that explosion. So theoretically, if you were to take it all back, that would be the center of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's when they say the universe is expanding and everything's constantly moving. That's cause it all started from a singular explosion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just a collection of, of, of, of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That just exploded, uh, at the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if he can't explain it enough for you to write it, then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got all kinds of telescopes. How many satellites are out in space?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, yea I looked this up, there's 500,000 pieces of space debris floating around the Earth's orbit. You got any pictures? I don't have any pictures of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's going at 17,500 miles per hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, it could be, yeah, you're like, it could become like a real problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you said either you said they halted production of it cause of COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not gonna watch a video of somebody throwing up in space or anything. Viruses don't spread the same off earth, this says. Oh, that's nice. This is too long for me to read right now, but it looks like something interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they pay for that. It's also where these people are. I mean, where would, where else would they be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember, did you ever see Apollo 13, the movie? I think so. Yeah. Remember they all get sick on that, on the flight back like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of them got really, really sick.


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[Assistant] Are the flowers blooming in Houston? Remember that? I've seen that movie. Was that the codeword? That just meant, yeah, do you have the measles? And he's like, nah, they're not. I don't have the measles.


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[Assistant] Goldie. And the story? I think the girl's name, right? Goldie, and she has locks.


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[Assistant] Ness. Lake Ness? Lock Ness just means Lake Ness, doesn't it?


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[Assistant] About the origins of the, of the universe, how it started. I should know a lot more about like the Big Bang Theory and stuff just based on that class, but I don't remember. I retained very little.


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[Assistant] I did 20 minutes of rudimentary research before this, so I feel pretty good about it.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, but I think all of them, Mars is the only one that we actually have a, the ability to go to.


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[Assistant] Well this has nothing to do with this and this is a graph, which I know is your favorite.


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[Assistant] This is the graph of the y-axis is the size of the planet and the x-axis is, uh, the temperature. You get what I'm saying?


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause it's just showing you how big it is compared to earth and how hot and cold it is compared to earth. But this is so far away. This Kepler 186F is like light years and light years away.


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[Assistant] Now, but you read the labels on the axis and that's.


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[Assistant] You entertain quite a bit. I'm saying this, Mars is the only one we can get to. The other ones are way too far away. So we just, Mars is our only option. We gotta go, gotta go live there. Gotta go to Mars.


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[Assistant] He was so committed to get this film made that he cut his $20 million salary in half.


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[Assistant] This is brutal man, often considered one of the worst films ever made. 3% on Rotten Tomatoes. I love Barry Pepper too though.


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[Assistant] It's a 12% audience score, which is still not great.


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[Assistant] 91%. You got a 91 on Rotten Tomatoes audience score. The critics didn't even bother, but now they're going to, now they're going to start to.


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[Assistant] Oh, this is a, this is a Brian Bates trivia fact on your IMDb. Oh, you got a trivia fact? Yeah. AKA breakfast in some circles.


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[Assistant] I am DB TV, which is where the show Brian and I did. Oh, that's right. Maybe that's why it's on there. Cause I don't know. Yeah.


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[Assistant] That's coming out fairly soon.


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[Assistant] I have no idea. I mean, Farrelly's relative. Yeaah. You know, in the next two or three years.


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[Assistant] Do you think music has gotten worse or do you think we just remember the good music?


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[Assistant] You can go back five years here. You've had a couple of peaks. What happened March 3rd, 2019? Tennessee Kid came out. Nice. Oh, nice. And then this is probably the, uh,


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[Assistant] You did Fallon and standups in that same, in that same week.


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[Assistant] So I would guess The Rock would be number one. Cole Hauser.


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[Assistant] Not bad. I feel like I'm going to be in the millions for sure for seeing all these.


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[Assistant] Yeah, crashing Howard Stern. Howard Stern. Do you want to look at the?


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[Assistant] What was the highest you got? The highest I got was $120,000.


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[Assistant] Sorry dude, it's a chin. Yeah, they pull up a gorilla. I mean, he's got a chin. It looks like a chin. Looks like a chin to me. Type in grill. Do they have chins?


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[Assistant] She just died, she died over 20 years ago. She couldn't vote until 4 years ago.


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[Assistant] This one is a podcast review. Okay, got it.


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[Assistant] So I quoted Nietzsche saying God is dead. That's his famous quote. And then Aaron looked him up and Nietzsche died in 1900, I guess. Right? So he's basically saying God told you you're dead.


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[Assistant] But what's standard size for a can, like a can of coke?


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[Assistant] It does look great. T-shirt. This is the Intrepid Long Sleeve Polo. I got the t-shirt underneath it. It looks good.


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[Assistant] Dan and Shea Twitter page, the picture is just a phone number. It's 615, old school. So do you or Dan answer that?


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[Assistant] Arkansas guy, 6'1 at a high school, goes to what, central Arkansas? Yeah, UCA. And ended up 6'8?


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[Assistant] Yeah, Mississippi Valley, that's a tiny school. It is, I guess I just- No one's even heard of that.


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[Assistant] Someone compared you to Hitler last week as far as playing golf. They said, who's more fun to play with, Hitler or Nate?


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[Assistant] This is fairly, yeah. It comes from Akasi, which means land of the down river people. I was going to say that.


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[Assistant] I think when French settlers came, the Native Americans called, they lived down river, so they just called them the down river people.


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[Assistant] Half the state called it Arkansas and half called it R-Kansas and finally the state legislature had to define the pronunciation and they decided to call it Arkansas. So it gets a law now to call it R-Kansas. It's against the law? They passed a law, yea.


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[Assistant] Did you ever have to cast, ever have to castrate cattle?


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[Assistant] I mean, usually you have one bull among a bunch of cows and the rest of the male calves you castrate them. So they can't reproduce. So that means, you know, just cut off the genitals and then they just do it and then they would just throw it.


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[Assistant] You know what the biggest employer in Arkansas is? Walmart.


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[Assistant] Some famous people from Arkansas, Bill Clinton, from Hope, Sam Walton.


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[Assistant] Didn't grow up in Arkansas, but moved there later. Bentonville, Johnny Cash.


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[Assistant] Glen Campbell. Wow, I didn't know Johnny Cash was there. Johnny Cash, yea. When did he die? 2003, I think. He's dead? A while ago. Yea.


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[Assistant] Yep, you're right. Smith. Joe Smith. Uh, I don't know. Yep, great guy. Billy Bob Thornton. Oh.


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[Assistant] Probably the most popular one. Convenient. Yep. For Billy Bob. Yeah. Really worked out.


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[Assistant] Do you ever, uh, do you ever remember when Clinton was president?


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[Assistant] You don't remember at all. I do remember. But he was present till 2000.


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[Assistant] Arkansas is the only state where diamonds are actively discovered in mind.


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[Assistant] Cause y'all just thought one day you're gonna stumble on. Have you ever been to the crater of diamond state park?


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[Assistant] That wasn't there. You pay to go there and then any diamonds you find you get to keep.


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[Assistant] The three largest diamonds ever found in America were found in Arkansas.


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[Assistant] He said he almost didn't show that one because he thought it was nothing. They called him in the back office and said, you found the second largest one we've ever had. That's crazy.


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[Assistant] The world's first cheese dip was invented in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Now we're talking. To this day, the World Cheese Dip Championship is held in Little Rock each year.


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[Assistant] No, there's a couple more. The world championship duck calling contest is every year in Stuttgart, Arkansas.


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[Assistant] Uh, you ever heard of the Falc Monster? I went on this. Falc? F-O-U-K-E? Falc Monster? The Southern Sasquatch? What the Falc?


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[Assistant] It's a southern Sasquatch that roams in southern Arkansas and destroys livestock and farmland. And it became famous in 1971 when it grabbed a guy on a hunting trip. And then they made a movie about it, The Legend of Boggy Creek. Are you serious? And it's becoming like a cult classic.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a low budget movie, The Legend of Boggy Creek, but it was like the number 11 grossest, highest grossing film of that year. Wow. And people have been claiming to see this monster for years.


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[Assistant] But they're happy for me. I'm sure. I'm like guys, I don't want to do this no more. I don't think it's sustainable. This is bad.


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[Assistant] Howdy folks! Welcome to Nate Land. I thought of that this weekend. I don't know if I like hello, I don't think I say hello something good. You say howdy more? Howdy folks. No?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Hello folks. Hello folks. Welcome to Nate Land. Maybe hello folks. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I think about it a lot. Uh, so, I like it. I remember, I know I forgot to say it a couple times and I'm, you know, I was thinking about that, I was like, no, we need to say it, like, that's fun. Welcome to Nightlane.


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[Assistant] I heard someone say, hello folks, welcome to the store. And I'm like, that's what we're doing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but like I have it with a joke that I'll have in the special whenever it comes out. Uh, it's one fell swoop. I've been hearing one fell swoop a ton.


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[Assistant] It's like I'd never, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say it. And then I've, I've just heard it a bunch now. You just hear that one fell swoop, you know, you're like, Oh, all right.


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[Assistant] Welcome, thanks for listening. As always, we love that you're here and we appreciate you. Everything, you know, we're getting close to the end of the year. 25th episode.


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[Assistant] Uh, that's what I said, we get to 27. Uh, no, no, I'm joking. Uh, there is no halfway, I guess.


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[Assistant] We're starting to grind it out now. Starting to figure it out. Uh, as always, we're gonna read, uh, start it off with some of you guys' comments. You can comment on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter.


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[Assistant] Apple Podcast Reviews, nateland and natebargetzi.com. Uh, always we appreciate the reviews you're leaving us. The five, when you click the five stars, it's like the, we like force you, if you ain't gonna click five stars, don't go click it.


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[Assistant] Tell me what we're doing wrong. And guess what y'all do. Uh, Austin thrift.


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[Assistant] This is the funniest episode yet. Surprisingly topped weather.


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[Assistant] I love how Bridge tried to convince Nate that there's civilian stations on Mars. Meanwhile, Aaron is over there busting blood vessels laughing. I laughed so hard at this one.


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[Assistant] I laughed so hard at this, I saw stars. And I did not think that's how this sentence was going to end. In my head, we were going down a different road. I laughed so hard at this, I saw stars. It makes sense now.


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[Assistant] When I started, I don't know what I thought it was going to be. I was going to say, what were you thinking? Yeaah. I don't know what it was going to be.


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[Assistant] Adam Rothman, Nate Aaron and Bo Staff always surprised me with how they find the funny in some of these comments. I'll read them every episode and be like, there's no way these are helpful to the program.


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[Assistant] Then they come out and crack me up talking nonsense. Too dumb for me though. So I'll no longer be watching. Goodbye folks. Is Adam out too? He's joking. All right. We're losing them every episode.


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[Assistant] I had my, uh, a friend said he wanted to fight him and I said, let me get eyes on him because Turler could be gigantic as a chant with Turler.


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[Assistant] I would, if they said you're about to go fight, turler.


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[Assistant] And we're not going to tell you if it's a man or a woman, you might be like, I don't know if I want to go in there.


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[Assistant] Either way. Yea, I don't know if it matters. I don't know if it matters.


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[Assistant] We will, uh, just write, uh, clever comments about your game. That's what we would do as a game to attack other games is we all write clever comments. Just pick a few to read if you don't mind. And then we hurt you in your heart. Uh, Jeffrey McClevey.


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[Assistant] Watching the show of my wife in about 30 minutes in she asked me if the guy in the middle was special.


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[Assistant] Without missing a beat, I told her no breakfast just always looks worried. Thanks guys, love the show.


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[Assistant] I mean for that person to comment that, so young.


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[Assistant] About me being your dad? No, about you be looking worried. The girl in high school? Oh yeaah. Senior trip. I mean, talk about, what is she?


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[Assistant] Gonna be president or something? I mean that just, she's on it. You gotta find out what she's doing. I know.


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[Assistant] No, I'm saying she picks up on stuff. She solves crimes.


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[Assistant] But I'm saying if you have to solve a crime.


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[Assistant] If she, if she was so aware and noticed that you're worried, like she picks up on stuff.


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[Assistant] So for her to pick up on, I'm saying like if she goes into a crime scene and they're like, what do you see? She goes, why's the, why's the kitchen not drawer open? She picks it up immediately.


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[Assistant] Yep, uh, maybe Atticus is related to Atticus Finch.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's how it works. Well, back then it did. They didn't, it wasn't last name. It was first name. Do you know that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, people were texting me, my buddy Justin, our tour manager was texting, like the spitting hot fire, the Chappelle sketch, die laying. Was he die laying in the Chappelle sketch?


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[Assistant] Dylan, I'm Dylan, the rapper. Yeah. He was stayed in the house. I spit hot fire. It's very funny from the Spell Show.


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[Assistant] It's like if a stop sign was just a little crooked, I'd be like, guess we don't stop? You know? Uh, if that makes sense. Emma Skinner.


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[Assistant] But he also gets so upset when he asks an even more ridiculous question like, do we have people on Mars? And Aaron and Brian try to calmly teach him something. Love listening to y'all.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I think their questions are ridiculous and a lot of talk about Mars, not insane.


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[Assistant] Am I hearing, you're not saying if someone's super busy as I am, I'm just slammed all day and I'm just hearing Mars talk.


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[Assistant] I mean there's aliens and no one cares, so I don't know if anybody's gonna care that we're on Mars. I bet no one cares as much as we do. We wouldn't hear about it. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying it's not going to trend on Twitter. I think big news is like us being shocked about anything is, you know, is over.


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[Assistant] Which we will talk about in another episode, but they are straight up talking about aliens. Yeah. And no one's really, no one's really like, eh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, would you be more surprised that a man on Mars are aliens?


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[Assistant] I know, but if they showed you an alien, I feel like you're not wrapping your head around an alien.


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[Assistant] Like you're, you're, you're, you're just going, all right, so there's aliens, but I mean, they straight up, we watched an alien talk, like it's a movie and you're going to see an alien.


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[Assistant] That's crazier than a man on Mars. I don't, what, what, I mean, you think we can do anything as humans where we keep going, like we're going to get a man on Mars. That's not going to not happen.


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[Assistant] Probably what will happen in our lifetime. I thought you were asking right now if you found out there was a man on Mars.


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[Assistant] I think, but even if they said, even so they said, hey, by the way, we've been keeping it a secret, but we have a man on Mars and to tell you about it is this alien.


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[Assistant] And he comes out, hello, I'm an alien. And we're like, y'all say it like that. He goes, yeah, we just say alien.


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[Assistant] Alright, yeaah, well that's, we're, we're talking about that. We're recording an extra episode today, so we're gonna talk about that after that. I don't wanna get too much into it. Uh, if y'all wanna stay tuned to that breaking news.


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[Assistant] Get broken here. The news gets broken here. I wish someone would come here for just the news.


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[Assistant] And they go, this is where I get it. I hear about it pretty late, but, uh,


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[Assistant] Emma Skinner. I already said that one, right? Yeah. She's the one that, uh, Nick Buback. Bu-back. Bu-bach. Maybe bu-bach. B-U-B-A-K. How would you say that?


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[Assistant] I came over on the Mayla- Mayflower, and you're gonna sit here and-


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[Assistant] The people that have been in space for 18 months and Nate follows up with the, what about the guy that was in space for a year? Like he thinks he hears more than 18 months.


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[Assistant] You're right. You don't have a kid. Don't start talking kid language. It is weird.


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[Assistant] A lot of people would, 18 months, you would still say 18 months. I think you go up to two years.


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[Assistant] You go, I think it's, you like, night, she's 20 months old and then you start, she's almost two.


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[Assistant] A year? We gotta wait 18 months? No, you gotta wait a whole year. Are you kidding me?


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[Assistant] Acido Rivardo. They call him Acid for short. Uh, Rivardo, his family, they greeted the Bubock family, they were already here. Uh, a friend of mine had young children who wanted a teacup piglet.


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[Assistant] She found a great deal for one costing about 1200 bucks. Not bad. A few months later, it turned out to be a full sized hog and she had to get rid of it after it bit one of her kids.


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[Assistant] I mean the few months are just amazing. I mean just everyday you wake up.


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[Assistant] Big does get, and they're just not cool. No. And I mean, yeah. And it bit one of her kids. Cause it's a wild animal. And you gotta, and then you're selling a hog.


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[Assistant] Just to be, just to go to be like, yep, let's get a little piglet to you're in the hog selling business. You got to deal with that.


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[Assistant] I mean, you're gonna try to spend 1200 bucks, you might want to try to get some back off of it. I'm sure someone's like, I'm trying to buy a hog. Yeah. And if you don't come up with-


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[Assistant] There's gotta be a ton of people looking for hawks, dude. Well, there's auctions. Yeah. And you go, but you don't, you don't, but you don't present the idea of going with the...


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[Assistant] Well, you don't go, I have to get rid of this cause it's, I'm afraid it might eat one of my children. You just go, I got a hog for sale. You're like, that's cool. How'd you get it? You're like, ah, just I'm in the hog business. And then they go, yeah, 1200 bucks. It's not that bad. But if she comes out of desperation of she's scared, you know, if you're like this hog sleeps in my bedroom and I don't get to go in there because the hog


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[Assistant] Dominates our house. It just took over the house. And I need it out. Well, now a guy is going to be like, I'll give you 300 bucks for a hog. And you're in, you're in a little tougher situation. Right. So I hope she went in it with, I bought this hog on purpose.


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[Assistant] You think would just be fine with it. Yeah. Sounds like the person you'd be selling the hog to.


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[Assistant] Oh, the Rivardo family? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they buy Hall Golf, huh? Uh, Georgia She-Hands.


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[Assistant] I'm an internationally certified professional animal trainer who deals largely with assistant animals. I'm not saying miniature horses should be on planes, but people so use them as guide animals for the blind.


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[Assistant] So the, so uh, miniature horses are...


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I don't, I mean, yeaah, I guess they're good at it. You know? Can they see better? Do they get it more?


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[Assistant] You do a horse full size, that's ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous, Aaron. Acido knows better than that. She's not gonna, I'm guessing it's a she. A friend of mine had young children. Maybe he bought it. Yea, I thought it was a he.


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[Assistant] That seems like a big, like to bring that up, and he goes, well I'm allergic to dogs, go. Okay, okay.


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[Assistant] And then just go, what about a baby horse?


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[Assistant] I don't know. That's what I think the conversation, if you're, if you're blind and he goes, okay, all right, he has to listen to you. What about a bait? What about a miniature horse? What about a horse? He goes, that seems, I don't know how they're going to fit in a lot of doorways. And he goes, no, don't come on, man.


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[Assistant] That's, that's an insane question. Probably makes the guy, blind guy feel bad. Well that's stupid. And you might, I thought you were just blind, I didn't know you were all so stupid. And you go, alright, alright dude, take it easy. This guy's not, he's looking at a wall, he doesn't even know he's.


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[Assistant] He goes, all right. And he goes, you know, you're not even looking at me. He goes, all right, man, what, are you a doctor or what? And he goes, yeah, I'm here. Fill around about waist height.


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[Assistant] What do you feel? It's your new, it's your new guide.


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[Assistant] Frankie. And then you walk out of there with that baby horse. Wow.


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[Assistant] And then you gotta deal with that, just the questions being thrown at you by everybody, everywhere you go.


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[Assistant] Horse pooping on the sidewalk. He's like, all right, man. It's not normal either. It's like, you know, it's horse.


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[Assistant] That seems crazy. They're about as big as the dog, you know.


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[Assistant] Well, so my daughter loves horses and we take her to this, uh, horse camp. She's learning. She works there. She goes and.


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[Assistant] Helps out and does all the work. She's obsessed with horses and, uh.


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[Assistant] But so she, I was there this weekend to get her and she, uh, they had to correct her.


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[Assistant] Cause they, uh, she went like low to climb, the horse was in the stable.


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[Assistant] And the rope, the little chain that keeps them from walking out, she went under it.


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[Assistant] And she told her like, you can't go, you can't go that low because a horse has irrational fears.


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[Assistant] So if you go low, they think it could be a mouse, coyote, like they will just start losing their mind. They don't realize, so you gotta kinda be tall. You know, just to teach my daughter that. Always kinda stand tall to a horse because they get nervous. But I mean, that horse is so low to


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[Assistant] So they already, the horse is just already get the signals. They're just bored and going.


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[Assistant] There are no streetlights. They get it. Like you said, they just get it. I like horses. I like the fact that they have irrational, like it's the idea is like, how are they as a guide animal? And it's like, they're actually perfect, but they can be unreasonable.


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[Assistant] And if that happens, I mean, it's bad. Right.


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[Assistant] Like is it gonna try to kill it? No. It's gonna run, it's scared. And so it's gonna be, like a dog could, you know, would just look. I feel a dog looks before it goes. And a horse is just, it's pure chaos.


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[Assistant] Patrick Branson. Sounds like old money. The Branson family. They started.


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[Assistant] Could have been, maybe. I had been stra- alright.


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[Assistant] I can feel the rhythm. I go into it sometimes. I'm like, well, that's not, you know, you're like, I'm out of sync. We sat trying to do this. And you're like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Yeah. I got started.


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[Assistant] I caught that ball wrong and then I was like, this is not good.


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[Assistant] I've been stranded in JFK airport for an entire day during a snowstorm and knew I wasn't able to leave. So I was trying to get my bag from the claim office so I could get some things out of it for the night when a bunch of really angry people came storming and asking for their bags immediately.


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[Assistant] I actually told one lady she had to wait because I had been there first when she got crazy on me.


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[Assistant] Inform me that they had all been sitting on a plane on the tarmac for 11 hours.


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[Assistant] This was actually the flight you mentioned at the end of the episode. I spent a total of, sorry, I spent a total of 27 hours in the terminal that I can't even imagine.


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[Assistant] Being the one stuck on the plane for 11 hours. I think they ended up suing JetBlue. I do remember them suing JetBlue.


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[Assistant] I feel like there's something, like maybe if they get them off the plane, it's like, now you're out of the line, you know, and so then you're going to get skipped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. What did they say? Like what's the max now? Four hours? Three hours? That you can keep them on a plane? Oh, I don't know. Um, yeah, I mean, it shouldn't be more than three. I mean, it really shouldn't be like filled out. You know, use reason. I feel like that's what these airports should just be logical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And go, do you feel this is going to happen? You'll be like, I don't know. I doubt it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if people would just tell people the truth, a lot of stuff would be bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For 11 hours, if you came out and was like, look, I think we can get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're probably going to have to sit here and wait for a little bit, but if you want to get home, if, you know, just straight up say if I take you back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And drop you off, we're out of the line, we're not getting out. If I stay here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we can, we can maybe get out. I can't promise you. If you just said that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we'll be in it. Just hang tight everybody. We're gonna run some paperwork. It's gonna be coming in 11 hours of that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you mind not leaning your seat back? I'm tall. She said, oh sure, I'm sorry. And leaned her seat back up straight away. It is important to know that I stand at 5'9". So you don't actually have to be tall for this to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yea, but 5-9, what are you doing? Why can't they lean the seat back? He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. Taylor doesn't like it. 5-9.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think me and Taylor could both lean our seats back. I almost started asking people to lean it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They go why? I don't know, you'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a buddy one time taking a trip home on a mega bus, super cheap, long distance bus service. About 30 minutes outside of Chicago, a hawk flew through the windshield, shattering it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They pull over and radio dispatch only to find out it will be two hours before they can send another bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The driver gets onto the intercom and says, okay, our options are either to wait for another bus or drive without a windshield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to take a vote by a narrow margin drive without a windshield one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable. That's, that's what I'm talking about. That's what these pilots don't do. Be like a mega bus. Dude, that's, that's great. We're going to take a vote. I'm a confident driver. I don't need a windshield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's not like you're going, well, what if a bird hits us? Birds are hitting. That's going to happen. If you can handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hawk going 100 something miles an hour, 200 miles, they're fast. Coming through, nothing's stopping it. That could happen, but I'll get a stick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's why the planes are not doing, learn something from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, 11 hours, that bus, he ain't gonna be on the side of the interstate for 11 hours. You don't hear that story. I mean, maybe they break down. I mean, look, people also get murdered on buses. There's a lot of stuff that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're thankful for, you're thankful you have your life after Make-A-Merce. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the driver would just say no if he didn't want to do it. So he's like, I'll do whatever you guys want to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that's, I mean that's awesome. They got back. Oh, they tipped that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's not, you know, that's like when people ask, do you tip them and you're like, I don't know. Maybe he drove without a windshield for two hours or whatever. 30 minutes outside of Chicago. I mean, that's unreal, dude. Just be two hours like, nah, I'll get us back where I take a vote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like $5. Yeah, something crazy. Sometimes $1. There was a bus in New York that was $1 from there to Boston. $1? $1.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I mean, I think it's something else is going on. You know, I don't know if they're making money. I don't know if you want to be on a bus, people that are only willing to pay a dollar. That's, you know, that it, there's a lot that goes on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like kids. It's either kids or just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insane people. Kids are allowed on these? Well, like college kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends of it, which way it sways it. I would want to know which way it's swaying. I would know if I want to go keep driving and then I'm like these four dumb kids are going to vote this out. I don't think their votes should count, but if maybe they're voting the way I want them to vote, I would argue for the kids. You know? Well, I get a say. It's an eight year old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna say, you know what they're gonna say? Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, thanks for everybody listening. Uh, we'd also like to thank our sponsor BetterHelp. That's Better H-E-L-P. BetterHelp is the largest online counseling platform worldwide.


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[Assistant] Professional licensed and vetted counselors that you can trust better help makes professional counseling available anytime, anywhere through a computer, tablet or smartphone.


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[Assistant] You, uh, I mean forget, you don't have to wait in an uncurved waiting room or making time to drive to the counselor. I know a lot of times guys, comics that talk, they go to therapy or talk to a counselor and you can hear the people outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, that's always kind of weird, like you're in there talking and then they're sitting right outside the door and then they can hear them and you're like, it feels very uncomfortable. And this gets rid of that.


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[Assistant] BetterHelp is committed to making sure you're, you like your counselor so they make it easy and you're free to change. Counselors if needed, it's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.


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[Assistant] As a listener, you're going to get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com.


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[Assistant] All right, this week we are, uh, you know, it's a big week this week. Uh, make sure Holly's not behind. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have, uh, Christmas. That's the big week. It's a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's this Friday. Friday. Lots happening. Uh, Christmas is a very, I'm a big fan of Christmas. Uh, I try to think it's my favorite holiday. I like Halloween a lot. But I do like Christmas. They're both great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Halloween's fun. I like Halloween just until, I'm sure when Harper stops wanting to dress up, I won't care as much about Halloween.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's the, that's why Thanksgiving becomes, I feel like once your kids get older, you love Thanksgiving. Cause it's more, everybody just gets, the whole family gets together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, and so you like that. But yeaah, it's like, favorite holidays really for your kids. And so, I would say it's Christmas, Halloween. Christmas is probably a little bit above it, maybe. Halloween's very fun though. Seeing what they're going to dress at, you go walk around the neighborhood, treating, it's a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christmas is, is, is pretty, pretty great. And, uh, we got a lot of stuff going on. You got, you know, Sam, we saw, we went and saw Santa Claus yesterday at the mall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he couldn't get close. He wears a mask, you know, Harper. So she just has to shout what she wants, uh, at Santa and he'd make a reservation, but he was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very good saying that. We had an elf. Well, so we have, uh, there's a lot of, a lot of parents know elf, elf on the shelf is a big deal. Do you know anything about elf on the shelf? No, I never had it in my house. Yeah. I don't think we did as kids. I think elf on the shelf came along later. Did you have it? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To keep Alfie out, not happy about it. And Alfie has a support animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it, uh, is that what, what are they called? Emotional support animal? Emotional support animal. Alfie has one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that? Uh, it's a, it's a dog, right? Looks like a dog. It's a little stuffy, Alfie. It's kind of ridiculous. Alfie takes this, I'm not happy with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think Alfie should be doing that. Is Alfie a pirate? Alfie's in a pirate costume right now. It's a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and Alfie's in a pirate costume right now and she, uh, she has a stuffy, she wakes up every day and we don't know where she's going to be. It's insane that she drinks stuffy. I don't tell Albright, I don't care for it. Cause Alfie makes messes. A lot of, a lot of, a lot of kids, elf on the shelves, they make a ton of messes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Alfie makes a mess, and uh, right when she, when she comes, the first day she comes, it's always a wreck. She rode on the window, it's insane. It's just, you just, we need her to get back, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so she made it in here. Uh, but it's a fun time and that's what like fun, you know, Harper wakes up every morning and has to find Alfie. And then so it's, it's, it's an exciting, exciting time. I always loved Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, growing up as a kid. We had some really good Christmases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our biggest, my biggest, our biggest Christmas as a kid, we got a snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't like love snakes. I mean, I love, I've always been kind of obsessed with snakes and I like snakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as older I've gotten, I've become less like I'm going to go catch them or I'm like, I'm not, I'm kind of over all that. Like I do like going to see them at the zoo. It's always the exhibit I like to go to. Uh, I like to end on it like right before we leave. I'm like, let's go check the snakes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I still use it. Say the best for last. And then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's, I mean, COVID thrives in those places. Uh, I mean, it's like, that's why we can't get rid of COVID because of all the snake aquarium. It's, uh, yeah, it's great. I love, yeah, the, I love the snake stuff. And then, uh, I like the lions, tigers, all that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bears? You gonna see that? I'm not saying I'm not a fan. Monkeys I enjoy. I'm not gonna spend a ton of time. I don't know. How much time do you spend at the monkeys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't you want to say, I mean it's kind of crazy how big the snake is. I guess if you're not, you don't care about snakes. I don't. Yea go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. First time you go in there, it kind of makes you, you don't realize it. You don't go that first time. Yeah. Well, you, I mean, you come out and so I went in there, I remember the first time and you start peeing and you just look up and I mean, it's just boom, right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's kind of cool. Everybody goes in there and wants to see it. Everybody wants to see the snake. Snakes are bigger draw than you think they are. Okay, I didn't know. There's dumb monkeys they just throw up in the middle as you keep passing because you're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you're like, I don't want to waste time for the monkeys. Throw the monkeys in the back corner, see if people will make their way back there. You're not. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The monkeys are in the middle because they're like, no one's going to search out the monkeys, but they're like, I'll walk by them multiple times, but I'm not going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Columbus. Yes. We went to the Columbus Zoo. Which is a big one. Which is a, yeah, one of the bigger, one of the more famous ones. And they, uh, and we know some people there, so we gotta, we gotta meet some cheetahs, we gotta pet some cheetahs and stuff like that. And, uh, the gorilla there though would eat its own, you know, poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you go in there, there's a snake in the bathroom and he goes, yeah, he's in here somewhere. I don't know. They don't ever know really know where it's at. What did you see at the Little Rock Zoo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, this is the king of the jungle. And the penguins. That's where I saw the penguins. The penguins. And then, yes, so, uh, well, I mean, Columbus Zoo, I mean, that's not worse than eating its own poop. A cardboard box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think seeing that is like, if you saw me in a car, you're, it's a dumb animal. You don't go, I don't know, dude, they're eating. I mean, Holly, our dog eats dumb stuff. They eat them. I mean, it poops and then right in its mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know, I didn't know that they did that. You knew that they eat it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's for, uh, so they don't get preyed upon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's, but they do it so the animals don't know where, like, cause if they just pooped everywhere, then lions and tigers could start tracking them down. Cheetahs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they got a pretty good system. I mean, I think if you buried it, they could, you know, it's a whole thing. And I bet you could still, you know, how far down you got to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather just eat it or would you always constantly want to be barren?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you have to, I mean, dig in, like it's a whole, you know, I gotta go to the bathroom and then you're like, I'll see you right back. You're like, yeah, go to the bathroom, it'll take five minutes. The digging the ditch I got to dig afterwards is going to be a nightmare. Yeah. Seemed like they could just throw it somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And run. Yeaah. It would be like go away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, man, we were trying to ask him one day. Uh, don't we have someone, we have a human talking to him? Don't we have someone talking to him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snake's not doing any weird stuff. You go to see a snake. If I take my daughter to a snake, I'm like, this is what they are. They do what they do. I take her to a gorilla. I'm like, I don't know what's about to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll try it again later. Not today. What's going on? You can't, you don't even want to know what's going on. I don't even want to see what I saw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I wanted one and it was like a good year for us. Like we made money. They made some money. I do a joke by now, my parents were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember I was like 22 or my parents were 22, 23 when I was born. So they were the poorest human beings alive. Uh, and so my dad had a bunch of shows on Christmas that year during December and I like actually made some money. So we got a better Christmas than normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I wanted a steak and my dad went and bought the steak from, uh, a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Dentons. And so him and Wayne go to buy this thing. I found this afterwards. And so they go buy this snake and, uh, they said they walk in the house and the dude has snakes just out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like snakes are hanging over the door frames and they're just everywhere. It's basically like, you want one? Like the guys, like he's saying it, like he's selling candy at a counter and just like, here you go. So my dad buys it and they drove back. It was cold. So he had to put it, my dad had put it in his shirt and like keep it against his body because it was so cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they drove back. My brother was getting a hamster. I was kind of afraid of that year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I was probably 12, so Derek was probably nine, eight, nine. And so he's getting a hamster. And so they had a big aquarium set up in the, uh, in our bedroom. And I was very excited. I think I felt something, I was going to get something that year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so in the middle of the night, I kind of, you know, you're barely sleeping. You're just so excited. But my dad came and put the hamster in the aquarium, like just trying to, I think he felt I was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he'd walk up and kid walk by and he's like, okay, what kind of snake is that? I mean, it's like a four foot red tail boa. Uh, so he just let it out in the yard and, uh, and then we would, you know, you had to feed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mice and you'd put live mice in there and, uh, you do frozen or live. We put live and one get, uh, have I talked about this or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've talked about this on here. You talked about some of that. Yeah. One got, one mouse was pretty smart and there was like a towel in there and he hid behind the towel so the snake didn't know where it was. And so my dad had to reach in there and get the towel and it did, it just struck


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad's hand didn't really bite him. It just hit it almost like it could tell that it wasn't the mouse. Uh, but I mean, they just move at like any like horses. They're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just move it, snakes don't have great eyesight, so they just kind of move. I mean, if you moved near the cage, or the aquarium, the glass, and the snake was in there hunting, I mean, it would strike at the glass. Cause it just, you know, it's on edge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's impressive. Well, we killed a snake and now it's the mouses. Yeah. And then we just keep putting different animals in there and whichever one survives, then we would move the other one out. And that's how we did it for a long time, you know? And, uh, so that's, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we had it for a while and it was, it was like, we're going to get to story after feeding the rabbits and we're like, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like, you gotta go buy like a $40 rabbit for it to eat in your, I mean your.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just throwing like, you know, it was like too much. Yeah, that's a lot. And then we, and then, uh, they sold it. We let it go. I was gonna say, how did it get rid of it? Uh, we let it go in a park and it's doing good. No, they, uh, we gave either sold it or gave it to someone. Sold it to acid though. Acid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, yeaah, a year, couple years, maybe something like that. I don't really remember. Uh, but had it for a little bit. I mean, they get big quick. Yeah. And so red tail bow is the ones you always see it. Like you got a pet smart. Those are, those are usually for sale there, but that was a big Christmas. Red tail bow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this, a garden hose? Y'all want me a garden hose?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. It's a delicate garden hose. No, I think it was just, they, they, they brought it out and it was, you know, and then you, we got it. And yeah, it was crazy. Have a snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, so you get up, and then, uh, what we do, what happens here, Santa brings three presents that are unwrapped, and, uh, those are all from Santa, then, you know, Santa brings different, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had friends that Santa would bring all their stuff. It's kind of, you know, whatever the parents say. They're, so in ours, and we do it here at our house, three presents unwrapped and then the rest are from all of us. Is that what y'all do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're that close to somewhere else? Not America?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You acclimated. Yeaah, I mean, you dove in. Look, I figured it out real quick. Yeaah, dude. I mean, like, just to be your grandfather came over and then you're like, yeaah, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you gotta be a little bit far, I mean, I, my, we're, I'm a little removed and it comes off as that. I don't think his family's ever not been here. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breakfast has been his whole family. I mean, they- Just from the beginning. Just the beginning. Right. It was the, with the Native Americans and the breakfast family was here. And they just, but I, I, I would, I'd imagine you seem like you're, now that I look at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you got a little Yugoslavia in it. You got something, you got a little something that you're throwing me off. And then, you know, and then if you, if I saw you on Christmas day and you're like, Oh, Santa came last night, I'd be like, yeah, he's got something, something's up with him. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do that, but we usually do a game, and we all would play it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents are going to mass, mass is just Catholic, right? So my parents were raised Catholic and then we were raised Baptist. And then, so my parents go to, I think they might do some mass now, but we never did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but we would do, Christmas would, uh, we'd get a play, in the morning we got a play with, uh, the three presents that Santa brought that were opened. Then we'd eat breakfast and then we'd eat the rest of the presents. You know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10, 11, 12. And then she'd be done. But we did have people that were, I mean, they'd wake up and, I mean, it'd be 6 a.m., they're already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Podcast is like, we should be doing that. I know. They're going to be like, let's, you know, let's just do it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we had structure where you would each, each kid's turn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And the parents are, maybe the parents are not really, uh, you know, remember our parents. I mean, I know now, like you don't, you end up now we, cause now we're have, we go to like Laura's family and then, uh, my family usually comes and spends the night two, one night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we wake up the next day and open presents and we each, the kids go, the kids take turns and then the parents always end up having a few, you know, but by the time we open our stuff, nobody cares. Uh, but yeah, I think we did it in order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, should have been doing it the night before. And, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, they go nuts. And they, uh, I could, I think, but that's the, maybe people like the chaos is that you're just, you know, tearing them. But did Santa wrap y'all, would Santa wrap your presents? Santa presents were not wrapped. So there was no,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she would, yeah, she would make, uh, yeah, I mean, you want, you're just dying to open those presents, but Santa brings some pretty awesome presents. So you're, you know, it almost makes you play with the same, you know, cause it's, you, you can get a kid anything and they, if it's, they can, they just want to see what's next. And then so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, this Christmas Eve thing is crazy. I've never, that's, I've never even heard that that would be a thing. But you had heard of that too? Oh yeaah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even heard of it as older. I mean like, that's like, what's the point of Christmas Day then, just to be with your family?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's one of the, like, when did all this stuff get started?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is my favorite word. Secular. Oh, that's what we talked about. As we open presents the day after Thanksgiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Isn't it supposed to, you know, the people just think it's July, right? I've heard some people think it's spring or summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too? Would y'all do that a lot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. But would you, with those words, I mean I just would love to be that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you bring your girlfriend over like from high school and you go, my family, it's great. Thanks for coming. And then it's, you know, it's like, uh, you know, it's like, Hey, how you doing? What's your, what's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the little, the girl's like, what? That's the word y'all. You guys are going to, you just run her off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comes, has been chopping wood. Came over about two months ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like your last time, it's like, it just, it's convenient. More than.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you change your last name because of the plant? That's what you could think. He goes, all right, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I married the plant while I was over in Mexico. You can do that kind of stuff down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a word I got to think about before I dive into it. I can't just breeze over it. Many cultivated varieties are sold in a six week period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they, they're often stated to be, they're highly toxic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on. Though often stated to be highly toxic, the poinsettia is not dangerous to pets or children. Exposure to the plant, even consumption, most often results in no effect, though it can cause nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. That's why you're having that. He's like, is it, you think the plan did it? I mean, it's a part of the system that's making where, where we're at is, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not going to say, if someone goes what happened, I'm not going to not mention Poinsettia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm also going to quietly talk about just your state of mind.


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[Assistant] You know, ruined Joel Roberts poinsettre.


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[Assistant] Well that one sounds like, where we're at today sounds like that story.


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[Assistant] We would celebrate Boxing Day, but that's about it. And we don't be ridiculous here. I text my buddy, Graham K. Happy Boxing Day. Every Boxing Day. I enjoy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have the guys that look like Santa all year. I mean, there's a bunch of old men that like, they just, they want a beard. I'm sure there's gotta be some guys out there that are like, I'm, yeah, I'm a little hefty. My hair's white. I want a beard because I am a little overweight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, I can't see just naturally the Santa Claus, like you would, I would think for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would hope that Santa would just be a little something different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they walk around. Yeah. And they just are going, I mean, I'm wearing overalls going to Home Depot in July and kids are like, are you Santa? And it's like, no, I just look like this. Yeah. I'm not happy about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you look up Krampus, I mean that's so, that's, and that's what they say, you know, that's the naughty list, is that comes to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cheat on your homework? Well, the devil is going to steal you from our family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No wonder where they're at as a country, I mean just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they? I watched Sound of Music last night. That's Australia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, why do you, how do you think they got into the spot that they got into? Cause of that. If you're going to pick a country that's going to do something like that, I'm not saying they're not doing great now. I'm sure we have people listening in Austria and I bet it's wonderful now they've, they've, they've turned things around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for you to get to a point to where that happens as a country.


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[Assistant] We made the children too nervous if they did anything wrong.


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[Assistant] Something that looks worse than what we imagine the devil looks like.


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[Assistant] Steals them from our houses and we never see them again.


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[Assistant] I mean that's just floating around out there. It's out there.


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[Assistant] You know what? This could be good to know because I'll go to Japan for, uh, Christmas. How fun is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in, you know, like, oh, we just do KFC. All right. Well, there you go. Japan. I didn't want to tell you what's going on in these other places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you go broom closet, cause then you think the witches go. Look in the broom closet, they go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on. This is a pretty big tradition. Don't waste your, that's cause I would think the witches go, the younger witches go, so check every broom closet and they go, come on, look at this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole world knows that this is happening. You think they're going to leave the brooms in the broom closet? No. You don't have a ton of time, so don't even search the broom closet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sweeping water is no fun. So you don't want to broom in a shower. That's a great, yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta be a certain height. Right. Yeah. Let's go set the house on fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Electrical thing with a broom... straw?


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[Assistant] You don't think that, where was that, what country was this? Norway. Hey, that's all they have is exposed wires. That's their, their whole world is exposed wires.


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[Assistant] Refrigerators and moved one, a lady had a dead cat back there. Yep. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to shower more than behind the fridge and I hope that a witch finds yours immediately behind a fridge and then also lights your refrigerator on fire just to make a point. I hope you get there and you go, the broom did it and the fireman goes, there was no broom back there. And you go, God, exactly. That's what I, that's what I would hope the fire department shows up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No windshield. You have no windshield. I mean, you can talk about hawks or just decking people off these buses. I mean, these brooms. Just oof.


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[Assistant] So you want to get your own broom to actually have some fun. Okay. That makes more sense. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I don't think he's saying his, I don't know if Santa's got going yet or maybe we didn't, we didn't do it last night, but we're about to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think, yeaah. Yeaah, I mean, you can look now and see if you can track him. But yeaah, it's, I mean, he's started going, cause he starts, he starts going, you know, like other countries, I mean, he's, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, not yet. Uh, Santa Claus is coming. It starts in two days. Okay. So, uh, what number do you have that's close enough to calling Santa Claus? She was trying to- Five-five-five film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, what are you, yeah, is there a number like, honestly, is it like eight, four, seven? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Hello. This, uh, yeaah. This is Air Defense. This is one of our main things that protects us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always heard that you can write a letter to Wayne Gretzky to Canada and just put Wayne Gretzky Canada and it would get to his house. Really? Cause they knew. That's cool. They know where he's at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, him and the, him and, uh, Santa, it's only two that you could write their names. North pole, Canada, they're showing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't even need an address dude. Don't even need an address. You could give a mailman, it's going to get through the post office system. Wayne Gretzky, everybody gets it. Yeah. Good for him. There's another guy, Wayne Gretzky though, that hates it. That's the problem. That guy, he's like, I've never got letters. If I get them, they're,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just not, you know, people have a hard time getting letters to me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Brian's, uh, breakfast has an Emmy. I do.


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[Assistant] How many Emmys? Just one? Just one. What's the story with your buddy with the Emmy?


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[Assistant] Just the night. They didn't describe it like that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] How great is that? I mean, he's like, alright, his odds are better of winning. When there's a tie and you're two of the four, you're almost guaranteed.


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[Assistant] Your percentage of winning one is 99% at that point. And then...


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[Assistant] I would, I would think about it all the time. It's a great story though. It's probably the story you could argue is better than the edge.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, you just, we have a guy sitting here that won an Emmy and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just trashed that other Brian. There's two Brian Brates we're talking about that has Emmys. And you've made fun of both of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah. The Die Hard Christmas thing, I'm so tired of that argument. You see that on, like, it gets argued every, it feels like it's all the time. And I remember the first time it was argued, you're like, alright, that's fun. And now it's like, alright everybody, quit it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On it, I don't know if, no one's really said anything, yes or no. And so it just kind of gets to nowhere and you're like, alright dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet if you went and started looking into the stats, you could find out. If we find out the guy, who's the guy that wrote down 805.


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[Assistant] Who, like, who wrote, who was the final? It's 805. And go, where did you get this? He's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel, he goes, my parents are not spending a lot of money this year. I asked how much they're gonna spend. I kinda went through it. I googled some stuff.