[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he needs to get a lighter and clean out the hair in his ears. Maybe he's just got really hairy ears, but he can't hear. Like, I don't know whether it's the years of going to like Glastonbury and listening to loud music or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to this really fancy burger place, right? And they were like, oh, how do you want your burger cooked? And he was like, well done. And I said, you can't order a burger well done because it would be just black, right? Burgers default is like- Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you roll. I usually have, I usually go with medium rare, but I mean, I, I, I've had to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, the amount of people who I go to a steak restaurant with and, you know, they say, oh, I'm having it well done, please. And then they hate it. And I'm like, well, you fucking, I told you, I warned you, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know what you're doing. You know, if, if you're in doubt, say, how, what does the chef recommend? Okay, that's the, that's the, that's the safe go-to, right? Because they're never going to say, well done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. So that was like a warning sign, right? And so then, you know, he said when we went out to this really fancy sushi place, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing about sarcasm is it doesn't have a smell, and we were like, what do you mean? So, we smelled it, right, and it smells like wine, it's quite got a good smell, and he couldn't, he couldn't smell it, okay? So I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I love Dunkin' so much, right, it's, I, I just don't know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether his senses are all just like slowly disappearing one by one, right? And then after the sushi, okay, we were talking about how nice it was and he said, he said, ah, the tuna was so delicious, it was like eating a Wotsit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today, Duncan saw a woman watching porn of herself. Right? So he walked by this woman, he was in the hotel lobby, watching porn on her laptop of herself. Well that's what he told me. Now, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a common thing. She's got a, you know, a cam, whatever. She does her own little channel. Maybe she got like a memo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a joy to get out of the routine, and I know you guys feel the same way right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there you go. Holy crap. That's a, that's a shining accolade. I'm gonna have to put some time into it I think because I've never played any of the Heart Survival and I'm a big World War 2 fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have bought 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 games on Steam in the last week and played none of them. Actually I did, cause you told me last time I should play shopkeep, shoppykeep? Shoppykeep, yea. Do you remember? Yea, it's good. Do you remember telling me to play that? I loaded it up, I bought like 3 red potions, I put them on sale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't paying attention. Two of them got stolen. Yeah. Uh, I was like, oh shit. You gotta chase after people and kill them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I had like, I'd made like two gold on it or something, and then I could only buy it, and then I played it for like another hour, selling this one red potion over and over again, and then I quit. Because I didn't know what I was doing! Was I doing it wrong? Probably. I think I was doing it wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm afraid I've had no time, but I will do this week, especially when you come down to it, so we'll play a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a good time to end or do some questions from the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Who wants to go first? Well, it used to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ham, mustard and tomato. Man, that was, I used to love it, but I've stopped trying to eat so much ham and stuff lately, so I haven't had one for ages. And I've been eating more like hummus on pitta, which I'm a big fan of now. So my favourite sandwich at the moment is pitta hummus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with a bit of, bit of salad in there and a bit of tomato.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sandwiches are magnificent. I remember outside my school there was a sandwich shop which I guess probably shut down now but it sort of served some of the offices around the place and they did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I'd really like? I'd like people to take pictures of their sandwiches, okay? I'd like people to make the peanut butter and raspberry jam. I'd like people to make, um, my, my, um, quad, quad club. I'd like people to take photos of their, of their sandwiches they've made and share. Yeah, let's do it. That's a nice thing to do. Sandwich gallery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not particularly a sweaty guy, but that's because I have trouble getting hot, I think. Like, I'm quite thin and, and uhm, I, I seem, I think I must have some genetics where I, cause my, I think, I think I have some genetics from,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From hot countries than this, because I can...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well maybe you should go and call an ambulance and make sure he's alright. I'm gonna go do that now, yeaah. Or make him a cup of tea. Have you offered him a cup of tea yet today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always make anyone who visits me a cup of tea and a biscuit. I don't even drink tea with milk and I don't even eat biscuits, but I have a special, special thing cupboard where if someone's coming around to fix something, cause they're expecting it sips. Aren't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just shove a note through under the cupboard door when you're done. Yeah. Right. Okay. Uhm, cool. Fine. Right. Let's, let's leave. Great. Thanks for joining us everyone. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you next to an ostrich farm or something? A lot of eggs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if, what if Sips is actually a battery hen and he just hadn't noticed? He's a sentient battery hen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pooping out the vids 2016. And on the back is a picture of you shitting out a YouTube channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For god's sake. It's like frothing out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it about other people's emissions that offend the nose so much? I've always thought like we must have evolved as, you know, as a society, that we're living in with other people, you know, there's going to be smells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I feel like having kids now, I'm so used to the smell of shit and puke that I just, I just don't care anymore. Like I just, I'm beyond caring. It doesn't matter to me. I still don't, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to get it on me, but at the same time, I mean, I've had to clear up a lot of puke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my time. I've had to clear up grown up puke because Mrs. F can't handle her drink and will sometimes come home loaded. She hasn't done it in a while. One time she was sick all over the kid's bedroom door. All over the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, they're, they're cuter. Alright. Alright, okay, fine. Here's one of my favorites. She, she drinks champagne very quickly. This is her problem. She doesn't drink often. So, she goes to this work function. This is, we're living in Wimbledon at the time and she calls me from the station. She's like, mmm, pick me up. Mmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm picking me up. I'm like, okay, she's fucking hammered. I'll walk down to the station and pick her up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So go down to get her, and she's just leaning on a wall outside the station. She's been sick all down her front. Okay, and she's still got everything on, like she's got a coat on, a work bag and everything, but it's just like, it's almost like she was coming home from work and someone just got a bucket of puke and just went BLAM right in her face. Wow. So I was like, this is not a good look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to practically carry her home, it's like a half mile walk, and I'm just walking, and she's just, she can barely walk, right, we get home, I have to get her undressed, I have to clear the sick out of her hair and everything, she crashes and she's fine, she's like, oh thanks for looking after me, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we go out another time, maybe a couple years later, I'm coming home on the train from Waterloo down to Richmond. And she's like, I need to be sick. And we're like, there's no toilets on this train. So I said, well, you're going to have to be sick in the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was just me and her. It was just me and her. So she's being sick in the adjoining bit between these two cars. And there's this older businessman sat there and he's appalled at what he sees. Rightly,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She hasn't done it in years, but it was her thing for a while. Like she'd say, I'm going out for a work tour. I was like, shall I prepare the plastic sheets, your majesty, for when you get home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want the, the fishermen to serve it from a line. Yeah. He literally serves it by moving the fishing rod over. You unhook the fish and that's the fish. Yeah, right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The producer comes in, pitching it to the studio. Okay guys, here's the pitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega part DOS has already been written, of course. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, of course. Are we, are we going to be... The adventures of Bodega is up to you. It would... Grace, man, honestly, if you turned


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, should we save it for later though? It's up to you guys, I don't mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just makes me feel so fucking bad for the kids. Like there's no... They always get it when they're really little. My eldest had it twice, because the first time she had it, she had it very mildly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those with shingles may spread chickenpox to those who are not immune through contact with blisters. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you have a kid, if you have shingles and you're around small kids and you've been scratching your face like an idiot, then you can get all the kids chicken poxed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, when I started playing WoW, that was that thing about poop-socking. That was the first time I'd ever heard of poop-socking. Did that come about from a specific anecdote that someone pooped in a sock, or was it just something someone assumed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm just wondering if it's ever actually happened. Like if it actually came around from a real thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's an article here on techradar that says blizzard discourages wow poopsocking. Following the news of a swedish gamers collapse. This is not a new article, this is 2008.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, honestly, I feel like the lack of logic in going to a casino, which is in business, by the way, like they don't go and bust. These places make money because the games are designed so that they win. If you don't know that by now, after spending that much time, like do they not look around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at the other people at the casino and think, Jesus Christ, what a mess. What a garbage can group of people here in this building. And I'm just joining them. We went to Nice, right? And two things about Nice. First of all, we went to the casino because we thought we'd have a look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had these guys, all these locals playing there. When they needed to take a pee or they needed to get a drink, they put their car keys in the coin slot to say, this is my machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that means that they are valuing their place on that machine more highly than access to their car. Like their car is just, ah fuck it, it's just a car key.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's still gonna be 75% of whatever the legal requirement is. There's a sticker on the fucking machine that says this machine will pay out at a rate of 73% of whatever you put in it. So why don't you just take 100 pounds, take 27 of those pounds, give them to charity and keep the 73. How about that? If you want to give money away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is. So he had nine million quid. I think his name was Michael something. He basically bought a country manor and just bought a load of old bangers and would fuck up the land around the house having banger races and driving around crashing cars and demolition derbies and stuff. And just spunked the money. Just literally spunked it all. And he was like, I got no regrets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poor guy gets money, this is wrong. He should, look he's not, he's not investing it wisely in a portfolio. He's like, fuck you guys, I'm gonna buy stupid shit, I'm gonna blow this money and I'm gonna piss you all off. Yeah, and now he's back at the cookie factory. Back at the biscuit factory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, we're married. If she said to me, I'm gonna fuck Robert Redford for a million quid and you don't have any say in it, I'd feel like that was a bit more insulting. Whereas if she said to me, what do you think? I'd at least have the option of saying, I'm very uncomfortable with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying Mrs. F would have to ask me for permission, but it would be clear grounds for divorce if she just went behind my back and fucked Robert Redford, million quid or no. But if she did it and then said to me, I had sex with Robert Redford last night, I'd be like, what? And then she'd say, but he gave me a million quid, I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are we gonna spend this on? Because we're gonna, we're gonna, let's hit Vegas baby. I don't know though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, they always come in two times. Forget about it. What they got, what they do is actually they go, you know what, we got to invest our portfolio, Don, and we got to get some legitimate businesses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a real steady income boss, I think it's, uh, it's a good idea. Is it against the law? Nah, nah, it's all above board. You'd love it. Alright, this is a new direction for us, but let's give it a go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they became, like, we don't hear about the mafia as being a problem now, so they're almost seen as like a part of the past, even though there's still a massive problem in Italy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the other thing I think it is, is a lot of the reason the Mafia did so well in America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was because after that wave of Italian immigrants in the 19th century, they brought a lot of that with them, that sort of, that sort of omerta, and you don't talk to the police and the mafia is like a part of our- Yeah, it was a code, yeah. Yeah, it's a part of our thing. Whereas nowadays, neighbourhoods are a lot more diverse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like you have 10 blocks that are all just Italian immigrants as much anymore around New York. So I think a lot of the areas...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the people, the older people who would have kept that shit secret and sort of, you know, if they had a problem, they'd go to the local Don or whatever. That's gone now. That doesn't happen so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I mean, the whole tax thing, that was pretty much the way they get busted. Like, they found a way to bust them. Yeah. Like, you just prove income, and then you've got them on tax evasion, and then the whole thing opens up. And, what was the, was it the RICO, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. So you come in one morning, someone scratched off. What happened? Oh, I hated their last movie. So they're off the list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And squinted down the sights of his lasgun back towards his gretham stealth insertion shuttle. Nobody mooching about nearby, so he felt secure enough in his position.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the sun at his back, he'd learnt this trick in sniper school where he'd finished top of his class and all the other classes in the history of that sniper school and all other sniper schools. He settled into the loose soil of his hilltop vantage point and checked the lasgun pivot bipod once more. The action was as smooth as a slim hound's udder. With the pivot bipod deployed,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But those cabrones obviously felt the lore didn't extend to them. Bodega laughed to himself. Hell, he loved a good vape too. Bodega wanted to vape really, really badly, but it might give away his position, since he was using an advanced mega vape capable of blanketing a small moon in delicious vape smoke. Enough about vaping, thought Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, look, lots of people vape Lewis and as it happens Bodega happens to use a mega vape capable of blanketing a small moon delicious vape smoke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enough about vaping, thought Bodega. The smugglers were gathered around a collection of small remote controlled vehicles. Through the vision scope attachment of his lasgun, Bodega could practically smell the scum from here. Whatever they planned to do with those RC vehicles, it was going to be related somehow to their smuggling activities and it was surely going to be a thing a bastard would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega's famous lasgun, known throughout the galaxy as the best of the best of the best in terms of lasguns and one of a kind, was capable of a sustained beam which in turn was capable of penetrating the hull of any ship he'd ever shot it at, which was a lot of ships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bastard scum smugglers were laughing and joking and starting to fart around with their RC vehicles. There were 10 of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their hover vehicles parked up in a semi-circle. They sure didn't dress like smugglers, the clever bastards. Most of them had glasses on, which was weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello? Are you the park ranger? We have a permit to fly our drones as long as it's not a Sunday. Furthermore-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No need to take his finger off the trigger, Bodega simply played the lasgun around the smuggler's meeting point like an old man watering some plants. A drop of water for the grubbles, a dash for the clearforths, a good soak-in for the needy jup-jup tree. Although in Bodega's case, this translated into three more smugglers shrieking in agony as they were sliced into bits by the lasgun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Job done. He packed up and headed back towards the Gretham. As he got closer he noticed a group of men off to the south, close enough to hear their conversation. They wore black stealth suits and each carried a large boar omni rifle. Hmm, hunting season started earlier this year. Bodega gave a cheery wave and a thumbs up. The men looked pernicious for a moment before waving back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega climbed into the Gretham and blammed into orbit onto his next mission. The end. Wait, what were they smuggling though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I am happy, I am happy for Bodega stuff to be, I want, I want people to add to the canon of Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My only concern is perhaps people aren't aware of Bodega's full character yet. I don't know if I've written enough for the true Bodega. Like I think I'm getting an idea of what he's like. Add to it people, write your own stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, really stupid noise. His gun makes a really stupid high-pitched whee whee whee whee. Yeah, that would, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like, I'd like to know more about Bodega. Like the universe, go nuts. As long as it's got a stupid name, it's in. But I want to know about who gives Bodega his mission? Who told him to go and get those smugglers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just wanted the official qualification because it's hard to get work otherwise. Just paperwork. Just think how much the bureaucracy is going to be in the galaxy. Like there's a huge amount of bureaucracy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people need to justify their existence. If everything was done by computer, what do you do all day? You need bureaucrats. That's it. That's how people, you know, pay their space bills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know what, one of the, one of the common tropes you see in action movies is that the hero, they'll, everyone, they'll be somewhere like ridiculously hot, and everyone will be like drinking water, and someone will say, do you want somebody to be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm thinking, keep your fucking energy levels up. Stay hydrated, you idiot. Like what hero doesn't drink and eat? How are you going to fight without drinking and eat? It's not about being tough. Tough people eat. Look at fucking Michael Phelps. He eats a billion pizzas a day. He doesn't go, no thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my daughter loved it. It was the best day out she's ever had. I'm not even kidding. She talks about it all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See you my dear. Here, work at Tesco's. I'll see you in seven hours. Her current thing is Pokemon cards. I have to figure out where to acquire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh gosh. Wait, they don't just sell them like normally anymore? Is it long past? Well, everyone in school is saying they quote, stopped making them, but I can't imagine that's true. When I look online, like I can't find the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, Lewis, I want you to think of this as a relaxing thing for you to do. So don't you worry about it. Me and Sips have got it covered. We'll come with, with interesting shit to talk about next week. Literally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What feels like months? I think it's five weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The big thing was you doing TI, uh, the International for Dota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Malcovich, Malcovich, Malcovich, Malcovich, Malcovich. I enjoyed that film actually. I did too. It was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then SirActionSlacks had his sock puppet. He did, yeaah. So, I mean that was hilarious because I guess they hadn't planned for SirActionSlacks to have his own puppet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, I love slacks. I think, I think, do you know what? Like, yeah, TI was great. You know, I've known for three years that you and slacks are like the kings of, of, um, of doing it and you did it. You did it great. So professional. Thank you. Exactly what it needs to be. I really enjoyed it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Boom. I'd like to see a picture of your, your favourite bookshelf for reading with your kids. What is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not sure you've reached that yet with, with the four year old. But that's why they, this is why they send kids off to camp. Certainly I was sent off to camps and things in the summer holidays, you know, for weeks and weeks and weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, they would have these sort of summer activity days, you know, you'd go and you'd pay a £2.50 or whatever and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you put, we, you know, I'd just be left there for the whole day. And I got to know Brentwood Leisure Center so well. You know, I played, I played squash in the morning and then we did some like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crapy hockey in the afternoon and then we played, you know, played outside or, you know, you did stuff. They had activities for you. Man, I remember. Wait, did you go every summer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went, I must have been from, I can't remember what age, but I guess from sort of six through 11 or whatever every summer. Yeah. I went to these activity camps and stuff every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I'm a bit younger than you. And for me, we went through this previously on one of the streams recently. I was talking about this with Tom and mine was Willow from Buffy. Right. So Alice and Hannigan. A little older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Any episode that she's in is an absolute disaster. That's a fast forward. I'm recording them, yeaah. It's retracting into my body. I think the thing about her was the actress who played her was Gene Roddenberry's wife. Really? And also, I think she does all the voices for the computers in all the Star Trek's. Oh god. So all the computers are done by that same...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like James Corden on principle though, and therefore I find it very difficult to watch his stuff, even though I appreciate that it is probably funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit, sips. Fucking TMI, Fred. Honestly, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you, you put your suit on, you get your briefcase, you walk into work, you know, you're, you're fixing your tie. Wow, I didn't have a suit and a briefcase. You go upstairs, you say hi, hi Janine, hi Bill, hi Mike, hi Chris, like all the people, they all like, they like, they're holding their cups of tea and they pass you in the corridor, and you drink a bit of- Hey slugger! Yeah. Hey, ah, good morning champ! Great to see you!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, you know, then you, you nod at them, you smile, you sit down at your desk and you start tap, like grinding away, tap it away. And then at five o'clock, ding ding ding. Oh, time to go home. You stride out. Bye Janine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I slide down a slide onto the bus. Back off, back off along Stridenhappily home, back in. Hey honey, I'm home. Oh, your dinner's ready. Oh, then the kid comes along. Hey daddy, look, I'll put you a picture of you. And it's like, you know, it's, that's how your life was. Now, uh, you wake up on the sofa, uh, with like a blanket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an art form, no, it's an art form to, um, appear. These toilets don't clean themselves, guys. It's a little bit like Scotty in Star War, Star Trek, right? Where Scotty comes back for an episode of TNG and he says...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. That is one of the biggest things I actually think that is not addressed at all in, in, in Star Trek. Cause most of these, the TNG was done before the internet, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The amount of times people have private holiday programs with literally sex fantasies featuring other members of the cast and no one thinks that's weird. It's really weird. It's so common though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, what else have we been doing? I went to Jamescom in Germany. Jamescom? Is that James Cordeners own convention? James, yes. Uh, we all have to worship and kiss pictures of him. Oh, it was magnificent. It was a nice,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've, uh, day one we went, uh, me and Duncan and Shin went, um, we had to do this, but we didn't have to. We wanted to do this thing to see the new South Park game. Right. Uh, the fractured butt hole. The what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get a load of journalists and just fart in their face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so man, it was, it was pretty funny though. So we went there and before we went there, I was uh, duck head and shin. You know that thing where you're out with your friends and you're like, oh, where shall we eat? And they're like, I don't know. Where do you want to eat? So I don't know. Where do you want to eat? They were doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I found a place on TripAdvisor that did really good herring, and when I suggested it to them as a joke, they said, oh, that sounds fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people were like retching and being sick, um, we were, we were just, when we had, we had the combination of fishy herringy smell plus fart smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't smell like farts. We kind of could smell farts. All the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and the worst thing that was, after all that, they lost the video, so they gave us a USB drive with our video on it, but it was empty. Oh my god. Fuck. I don't even know if there's gonna be a video of that. Oh my god. I recorded it on my phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's, that's really high quality shit. Yeah. So I don't know what I'm going to do with that. I might, I might put it out some way if I can tidy it up, but yeah, that was, do you know what? It was, it was a, it was a day to remember is all I'm saying, but holy fuck shit. Like I would do not recommend ever doing that again or at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really nice sets of cards, so we played a few games of that, had a beer, and then we went and played some other games, physical card games. It was really weird actually, so we didn't play a single video game at Gamescom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what it's called. If you see it on the front of these board games that you buy, you know, it's like Spiegel winner or something like that 2016.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very simple, but we're starting to do longer form ones that are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, maybe like longer, like three-quarters of an hour now, and I feel like if we're gonna do those videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't put them all on the main channel. It's better to put the first 15 minutes on the main channel. Then if people like it, they can go and watch another hour of it or maybe a second game of it elsewhere rather than, you know, having hours and hours of stuff on the main channel that doesn't really feel very good. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also I'd like to do sort of strange stuff, like I think if we went to Spiegel, I'm not even sure what it's called, Spieland, something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even, Spielen is, is game. Steven Spiegelberg. Spielen. Spiegel is the newspaper. Oh, Der Spiegel. Oh yea, it is. I can't remember what it's called. It's called something like that. Anyway, it's in. Oh, do you know what Der Spiegel is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. It is a German newspaper, so it's not, it's definitely not that. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but, but linking to that, I did actually play quite a lot of this game on Steam this week called Jewelist. Jewelist?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very hard to zone the model. I mean, it feels so hard to zone, you know, you start off, you get one mana per turn, you spend them on creatures that have three, four, when they hit each other, lives go down, you have buffs and burn spells and all that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've played it a little bit. I, I don't think I can, I don't think I can get into it too much, but I, I like the idea. I like the pixel art. I like the feel of it. And so who knows, maybe I'll come back to you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's interesting. That's, that's a little bit like Hearthstone, but it's on two sides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's two, there's a left and a right side of it. And obviously if you play a taunt minion in one lane, you won't be able to taunt from the other lane, you see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to all of these card games, uh, Gwen, the Elder Scrolls one, Jewelist, all of these games, and also to some extent other games that Blizzard have done extremely well. When they're coming into a world where Hearthstone exists, I feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I feel like it's, it's never gonna be that. You know, World of Warcraft still exists, it still does really, really well with a subscription model, and it's the only one. Sure, it's got microtransactions. Honestly, microtransactions, have you seen the, cause the new Deus Ex come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he would like to, I don't think he would like to be called bald. He's bald. He's aggressively resisting baldness. Doesn't matter. He's losing the balance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I quite like doing the quests. I built up a shitload of coins and bought the expansion with uhm, just daily quests and that felt...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has been a very, very long delay since Hero New Heroes came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they used to be adding new heroes relatively regularly and now it's been very, very slow. When was the last hero added before? Techies. Techies. Last year. A whole year between new heroes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and so a lot of other games that have used a newer engine, like even Heroes of New Earth and League of Legends, these are old games too now, by, you know, by any measure. I mean, even Dota 2 is, you know, came out in 2010, was the alpha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're talking about fairly old games here, but what I'm saying is that all the Dota 2 heroes have yet to use mechanics that the new engines would allow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so Monkey King is supposed to be a hero which will impact the game in a way that we haven't, hopefully haven't seen before. So new heroes from now should be providing innovative effects. So I for one want to see a hero a little bit like Flux from Heroes of New Earth, which was a really fun, fun hero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That pushed you, like, pushed you back, pushed heroes back and forth, so you could, you could switch between attacks, pushed heroes away, or pulled them towards you. Stuff like that. Fun, fun, he was a fun hero, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it would be good to see, it would be good to liven up the game a bit. It just feels like for me Dota like sometimes stands still a bit too much and doesn't get enough additions when they could be adding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The original Dota is still going and still patched, well trying to patch in-line, but I think I can currently, the original Dota is at 6.83, do you remember that patch, P-Flex? 6.83.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That actually is all we've got time for in this podcast today, because I have to go prepare for Insomnia 58, which is happening tomorrow. Oh god, nice. Uh, and we also started late due to P-Flex's jet lag, but we will hopefully do that next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll talk about this afterwards. We can't promise you podcasts every week. That's it. Alright, love you all. Thanks. Love you, bye. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello chums, and welcome to the Triforce THE podcast. How are you guys doing today? Sips and Lewis. Hi chum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a kid in year 8 who's allergic to peanuts, so this school is now peanut free. It's pretty incredible. I mean, that's the case in my daughter's school right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She takes a full hour to get ready. My wife is the same. She gets up at 6.30 in the morning to get ready to leave at 7.30. She takes a full hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the interplay between the two, uh, the two brothers and their father is just perfect. The only thing I liked is that when they changed Daphne from just being like this oddball psychic to actually being a character, I felt like she was a really tacked on character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the early series it was just kind of a bit silly and then I think subsequently they made her a proper character and she was really good, but uh, it took a little while for them to find her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a shame. But bear in mind that this is, this is my mate, he's a lovely guy, but to get ready for work every day, he watches the last 10 minutes of Rocky. Like just the last 10 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once a day is fine. Any more than that and jeez, you're gonna wear it out. Yeah. I think that's possible. I think you could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might call the curtains, I guess that would be about it. Do you have a window cleaner? In the olden days you'd take the phone off the hook, but nowadays you've got to, I mean, you know, that's the thing. In the olden days, if you didn't want to be interrupted, you just lifted up the phone and left it off. That's it. Nowadays you've got so many different ways of being contacted. I don't know how people find time for privacy at all anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I don't know if you guys get this sometimes, if you've been playing a lot of video games, uhm, especially ones that are quite detailed and involve a lot of focus, is that's all your brain thinks about when you go to sleep. Like I used to get this with Tetris. I'd go to sleep and I'd see the little Tetris shapes, which is quite a common thing apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what happens is I go to sleep and all I can see is tiny little troops on a battlefield or counter strike stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, did you guys know they, they used to, people used to sleep twice in the evening. They'd have first sleep where they'd go to, cause if you think about it, it was dark. Like this is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It gets dark around, you know, 6 or 7 or whatever, and you've got candles instead of artificial light. There's not much you can do in the dark, so people will go to sleep quite early, then they'd wake up in the middle of the night, maybe they'd pray, have a little snack, maybe they'd have sex, and then they'd go back to sleep for a second sleep and wake up at dawn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's way too hot to be outside in those countries in the middle of the day. I mean, nobody does anything. Like no, all the locals, no one goes out. They just fucking stay indoors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The words they choose to do that are very, like, a lot has gone into this shit. Like, it's not just, they haven't just come up with it. I remember the books when I was a kid were fucking awful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now it's like, it's, it's really clever. Cause the words that they choose for people are ones that like Biff is one of them and Chip is another one. So they're very, if you can sound out the letters and get those sounds down, it all flows from there. But, uh, one of them, there's a dog called Floppy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is kinda weird. It's just, it's just a few things. Biff and Chip and Floppy. I mean, who the hell has these names? Nobody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, I think they're going to be very fragile emotionally, and I think they're also going to be used to things being easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how wrong everybody else is and how, yes, this is the truth and this is the way things are. And it's affirming. And it affirms things that are actually often very negative and very wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that that's a big- the biggest problem with the internet is that it's given previously disparate groups of people who shouldn't get together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's very easy for them to get fooled by things that are presented as facts. I mean, look at Donald Trump, I don't want to talk about politics, but he did talk recently about how a lot of the stuff that he found out about Hillary, he got it from the internet. And Bill O'Reilly was on Fox News saying, did you fact check it? He was like, what do I know about facts? It's on the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] into these groups. Previously we were just kind of this large, disparate group of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because the other thing is people are so fucking lazy these days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's it. Halloween will be done online, all online. Please PayPal me a bunch of sweets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shove your e-card up your e-ass. I don't fucking want your e-card. I'm gonna send you- there should be a counter Moonpig website. So that if you get a Moonpig card, you can send them a card that just fuck your lazy Moonpig shit. That's all the card says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I found, uh, a couple of years ago, uhm, at Mrs. F's, like, her house, like her parents' house, was a bunch of the letters that we had sent between each other when we were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About 18 or 19. So this is like really early in our relationship, sort of love letters, I guess, but also because when we were at university together, we were at the same university for the first two years. Like we both left Dorset and both went to the same university, um, you know, as a couple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We lived together for the first two years, and then I had to go to London to do my industrial placement year, and she stayed on and finished her third year, and then I had to go back and do my fourth year, and she started work. So we were apart for like two years, and we would see each other in all the holidays and stuff like that. But this was obviously pre-internet, so there was no Skype, there was no, there was, we never came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when people hold their phone, like it's, with both their thumbs, they type them with two thumbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, but like, take a smartphone, and you know what, you see people typing on the keyboard, and I see them holding it so that their two thumbs are, so they're like, it's like a left hand and a right hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their brain is hardwired to dodge teacups at high speed and move with apparent grace, but it's actually quite a sad story about how they got there, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is 3rd of November 1998. So this is nearly 20 years old, this letter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is about three years after we met, this letter. So I'm in my third year at university, and she is back in Dorset. Uh, sorry, no, I'm in my fourth year, I've started my fourth, my final year, and she's back in Dorset, and she's living-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, we had it at university and, but none of us had it in the house. Like, uhm, at the house, in any of the four years I was at university. At no point did anybody have the internet in the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's when, so the PS1 is out, the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, yeaah, maybe actually. I think PS1, we used to hire one from Blockbusters in 1995-96, in that year when we were at university. And we would go to Blockbusters, you had to put down a £50 deposit, which was crazy money for a student. And then we'd hire it over the weekend and we'd play games all weekend on the PS1.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this was still PS1, N64, and I guess Dreamcast maybe would have been the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I like the way we, we, we date our history based on what consoles were around at the time, and what we were playing. 98, yea, now that was, uh, Super Nintendo was on the, on the wane. PS1, I believe. And N64 definitely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thrust it into a young child's hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you'd call them on their mobile and say, where are you? Oh, I just left them at the end of the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mrs. F goes to my mum's house. My mum's just left with the dogs. That's it. There's no solution to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is, this was before her first job. So she graduated university in that, so before that summer. So now she'd moved back to Bournemouth. I'd spent the summer in Bournemouth with her. And now I've gone back to university and she's trying to get a job in Bournemouth post, as a post-grad. So this was her studying for her first ever job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's also a letter from my mum that says, this isn't that old. This goes to show that my mum still sends letters and she sent it on a tiny scrap of paper, barely a six sized. And she's just included it with some photos. I don't know why she sent me physical hard copy photos. This is only about eight years ago. And it says, hope you like the enclosed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it always like, the shit auto patches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you can send stuff, but you can get refunds of stuff way more easily online, you can just send it back, and it does seem a lot, a lot easier. In the past, shit was broken all the fucking time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When Bodega got really upset, there were three likely outcomes. Option one, go blow up the nearest big thing. Could be a pirate base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could be a veteran's hospital. Didn't matter. Something is getting vaporised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Generally speaking, he went after baddies, like a veterans hospital for soldiers that had become veterans by slaughtering innocent people. Imagine a retirement home for space Nazis. It's still a veterans hospital, and it's still full of the shuffling elderly, but come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega was sat on a rock. The universe breathed a collective sigh of relief. The rock-sitting option was the one reserved for when Bodega wasn't just upset in a regular way, but in a really baffling, how-the-flav-did-that-happen way. For when he needed time to get his head around the problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This rock was on a tiny planetoid called Mu in the mostly uncharted BV332 Delta system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega liked this spot because the view was so insane it took his mind off his troubles. And it also had a really bizarre atmosphere that was alcoholic, around 6% proof. You could just sit here and breathe and get nicely loaded and check out the overhead vista of four galaxies colliding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sky on the dark side of BV332 Delta Mu was ablaze with billions of stars battling each other for supremacy and generally exploding while dragging each other's guts all over the darn sky. This was what gravity was designed to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pull things to shreds. Take the beautiful and render it down to its component atoms. It took the free and the liberated and made them its slave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega could feel the atoms of his own body and hoped that one day soon someone would spread them around the galaxy so he couldn't feel this pain anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, how the scriv had that mongol clogger not died at the pulsar sex pit self-defense massacre. This was Blatchman we're talking about, and he is a canny bastard, but still, that place was levelled fairly convincingly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega was glad Blatchman was alive. It meant he could kill him. And properly this time. By hand. One hand. And by the balls. Killing a man with one hand and applying lethal force via the balls only was something Bodega reserved for real actual bastards like Blatchman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just as he was flexing his right hand and grinning in anticipation of feeling Tan Blatchman's naked scrotum nestled in his palm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And secondly, that it might really upset Majesta if he were to do this. These were followed by a third quick follow-up thought, which was, flav that bitch. He couldn't bring himself to hurt her directly. But flav her, and flav that mewling blatchmanite she called a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were one of the forgotten peoples, and it had to be that way. For their own protection, for one thing. What kind of sex slaves would people turn them into? And what kind of conversation would any vagina-having species be able to carry on with a talking dildo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spend most of my time hanging out around here in my tiny hermit cave. You know how it is, of course. Apparently, we really, really resemble something called a dildo to most people in the universe. Rambled the creature. And strangers still, we even call ourselves dildonians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice chatting to you, good luck, said the dildonian. Bodega touched the brim of his hat and nodded once. Scriv, things could be worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He turned his head up once more to the cluster-flav of stars in the slow death-churn, and took a good hard tug on his mega-vape. He wasn't gonna take revenge on Majesta. He would kill Blatchman if the opportunity arose. But if he chased him down and killed him, it'd be no better than smashing galaxies together. All that would be left would be a colossal black hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You nailed it. You even put some German language in there. A little bit of education for the people who listen, who don't speak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, nothing. Honestly, it feels like no time since we did the last one. You sound sick as hell. I think I have a child snot in my area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, when you said, uhm, my wife would like you guys to do a favour, I thought, first of all, I thought, maybe she listens to the podcast, maybe she wants to shout out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that was what was running through our heads right there. And then the second thing after you sort of started saying she wants something, right? I was like, oh so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm up for it, um, fully up for it. No, I sort of assumed that, that she was gonna, it was gonna be something to do with the podcast though, you know, but no, it was literally you have to do the shopping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was completely ignoring his whole... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Man, it's funny though. It's a very domestic thing. People's worlds just carry on without us. So is she off somewhere? Working, doing, bringing up the kids? Your wife?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone here on the podcast is gonna, it's a shame you can't take the mic downstairs and like, you know, take us through this journey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lady, lady hygiene sort of product. Well I'm thinking if it wasn't, if it was urgent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lady products. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, something, something like a towel or something. What else do we got? Ladies towels. Yeah. Yeah. Hygiene towels. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm also thinking frozen stuff, right? Like frozen waffles, frozen peas. Chips, frozen chips. You're going to have a bag of frozen chips in there somewhere. Because you could imagine, right, that what would happen is if you told your husband to get shopping at the door, okay, he would


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sips has just disconnected from our chat service, so it's just going to have to be me telling you these four things. This whole podcast is going to be kind of just two of us, like, occasionally, because Sips is now gone. I guess you're going to leave imminently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, or, or, or, some sort of conserve. I don't know, do you have Nutella?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like that and also, uhm, I mean, I think that that's more likely than jam, marmalade or honey in your household. I'm just thinking that, maybe that's wrong. I think some ice cream, uhm, I'm thinking like lollies rather than


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, tubs, because it's coming up this summer, you've got kids, lollies, uhm, I mean these are the things that I would put on the list. I think also squash, I'm gonna go with Ribena though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mean like the little cartons, I mean a big bottle of liquid concentrated rapina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're also gonna go with the cereal that I think your house has is those packs of seven or, I think it's actually eight little boxes. Right. And you know, it's got one corn flakes in there, one, it's a variety. One, one Coco Pops, one Rice Krispies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay cool. It's alright. So did you have any other emergency bonus items that you think were on there as a wild card sips?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this is what happens, you know, like I stopped eating, you know, as you get older, you feel this creeping in, right? Like I stopped eating Haribo cause it made my teeth ache, you know, cause of the amount of sugar and stuff like that. Like at a certain point you just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did again like, I think as you get older you start feeling this creeping disgust for like, like the creeping criticism that older people tend to have where they seem to kind of criticize something that's fairly unreasonable, you know, and so it's like, you know, you've got a plate of peas there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the farting increases along with the healthy diet though. Sometimes you see this like skinny yoga girl and you know that she will be the worst, most stinkiest farting girl ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, how can a small, such a small creature generate such incredibly disgusting farts? Yeah, yeah. It's, it's, it's a weird thing, right? Like you see all these thin, beautiful Disney princesses, right? And you know, really hot girls on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reddit has gone wild or whatever, I don't know where you see them. Gentlemenboners maybe. Which forums are you browsing? They just think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thinner and more healthy they look, the worse their fart smell. You know what my grandma told me one time? It's diet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you've gone, oh, Gran, I want to play, uhm, Street Fighter 2 Turbo, mom, sorry. And she's like, oh, alright, fine. After a game of Street Fighter 2 Turbo. So you do a favor for your mom, you go out to Gran. He's trudged through the snow, the Canadian summer, still snowing, he's freezing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you, you trudge all the way through. It's like milk frozen to people's like doorsteps. I'm just trying to set the scene, okay? Alright. Get to her house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She lives in like a log cabin, okay? There's smoke coming out. There's like fur trees all around it covered in snow. It's made of gingerbread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not supposed to think about your role models like that. I think you're supposed to think of people who are kind of not as, not as good. You know, isn't that, isn't that what you're supposed to do if you like, don't like someone you think, oh, well, let's just imagine them, you know, taking a dump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's dry, you know, he hasn't got his shopping order of his new wet wipes or whatever just to give him that kind of refreshing, cleanliness down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has to record a podcast in five minutes. But the delivery is coming in like two hours, so he's going to have to tell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they see someone having a lot of fun, do you think sometimes they see young people having a lot of fun or enjoying something? You know, and they say, you like Wade Gretzky? Well, just imagine him taking a big shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that as you get up, you automatically turn into some sort of monster. Oh my god, oh well he's off. But I mean, I think, you know, generally people who are good in, in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life will be good when they get old. I think man, death is like something we should probably talk about on this podcast. Oh my god, do we have to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not quite how it works. So first of all, when you're young, you have no conception of death and you feel that you can't die, okay? And then as you get older, you tend to be reckless with your mortality in a sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People dive off stuff and motorbike around, you know, they feel invulnerable for a while. And then what that follows up on is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of this period of time when you have stuff to live for, like, you know, you're like, oh god, I hope I don't die because I've got to bring up these kids, I've got important things to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I think there's this, this level of acceptance that comes with, you know, I've


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done everything. I'm, I'm, I'm tired. I'm, I'm, I think there's, there's that classic, uhm, trio of, of energy, which I love. It's like an XKCV thing where when you're young, you have loads of energy and loads of time, but no money. When you're, you know, middle-aged and you have a job, you have,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have all the time in the world, all the money in the world, but no energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's always something missing at all stages of life if you like in a sense, you know, you don't, you know, you don't see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think, I think we, we, as you get older, you get a picture of what it's like to be old, and I think being old is tough, you know, it's achy, you're, you're sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your bones and things are not as good as they were. Your reactions are not as good. Your senses are not as good. Everything is kind of a bit, it's a bit of a sad thing to happen. And I think that it is a natural thing to die. But I think that if you're, if you're going to die early, I have a, I have a really sort of, I can't remember whose quote this was, but I'm probably paraphrasing it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Death is a little bit, I consider to be death a little bit like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being asked to leave a party that's still going on, before it's finished, you know, so it's like, the party's gonna happen, the party's happening right now, you're at the party, the party's gonna carry on without you, uhm, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna have to leave, sorry. You know, it's a little bit tricky, it's a little bit like, oh, okay, you don't wanna leave, no one wants to leave, because the party's going on, everyone wants to stay at the party, but it's, you can, I like to think of it like a kind of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know. I don't think it's always like that. I think that's a very kind of conceptual thing. I mean, dying is a part of life and I think a lot of people, unfortunately, probably live by some sort of, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, a lot of people, it's very much tied up with religion because it's very, it's a very difficult concept to deal with, with, with dying. People like to imagine that it's not the end because that makes it easier. Um, you know, but then again, I think that people who aren't religious, which is increasing the proportion of the planet, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll see you in the afterlife. I'll do it again. You know, it's like, well, that's not the way to live. I think, I think that there is this, um, stigma around talking about dying and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, especially in America when it's so kind of, you should fight every single second of your life for every single, you know, you should, you should live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, for the next five years as a worm, rather than, you know, go out in a blaze of glory kind of thing. Man, I'm all about the blaze of glory. With people who have these, these big kind of. Yeah. Big tongue. Yeah. Sorry. So wow. P-flags. Let's move on to your shopping list. Oh my god. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought he wouldn't have put it on the counter, it's on the floor, in the hole on the carpet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, they're like walking down the street and people just grabbing them and stuffing them in their face. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty bad. I mean, little did I know that you were such Nutella fans that you invested in the highest, poshest, customized Nutella jars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, this is one of the, I'm already on edge when you're talking about toasters and dials, but carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, so just for people who don't understand this, so Sipsis Toaster has two different pushdown bits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, let me just stop you for a second. What you've done here is a very classic thing that humans and animals do, which is assign a cause


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty much me in a nutshell. You've got me there, Sips. I got, I got you bad. You got me. Nice. I got you. You got me there. That's right. So, we've done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50 minutes of bum chat. We're supposed to talk about games in this podcast. At some point we were meant to. What have you guys been doing this week or playing games or doing in your lives this week? Rust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's probably to do with the amount of info that could be transferred via the network. That's always the problem with large groups of people. It's not necessarily the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there you go. Uh, I've never played it. Sorry, I was just distracted. There's some building work going on outside my window. And it's like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I couldn't really play anything when I was at yours, so I only got back on Monday. So I came in on Monday and I played Bitfactorio with Duncan, which I'm still loving. Honestly, I like that game. If they can add some more mods to it, if they add some more stuff to it, I could just play that game forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, and uhm, I think that's just really good. We finished off our Master of Orion game, which was not great, but uhm, I'm looking forward to Stellaris and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I have? I haven't really delved into Europa Universalis and Nukes Created. They've always been at arm's length from me, I'm afraid. But yea, I'm looking forward to the Hearthstone Expansion. They keep trickling out these cards week by week. They've been doing it for months now, it feels like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full on promotion, like, you know, these Twitch streamers are supposed to make YouTube videos about it and they're getting like hundreds of thousands of views because people are interested in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You drop your Yogg-Saron and he casts like 10 random spells. Now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the game of buffs, right, but they're randomly targeted too. So if you cast it, cause if you're playing a frost mage, the likelihood is you're not going to have anything on your board, but they're likely to have some stuff that you want to get rid of. Okay. Especially at 10 mana. And so the problem is that when they look at the maths of this thing,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost every time he, maybe this will change, okay, maybe when we actually see it in real life, because people have made a Yog-Saron simulator, okay, uhm, to, to simulate what would happen. So, you know, I could just press simulate here and it's like, bear trap, okay, bear trap, cast on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you summon like seven wisps, great. Do you see what I mean? It's kind of, it's kind of weird, and uhm, you end up putting like blessing of kings on your opponent's guy, and like sometimes I think like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing Yogg-Saron, unless you've played, first of all you have to play like 10 spells, which is pretty, pretty challenging for most decks to play, because you only get 30 cards, right, if 10 of them are spells, sure you can like, you know, arcade into it, you can get some extra spells from some things, like play a dual-scraper and get an extra spell or whatever, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And man, I just, I just, I just don't think it's very good. So yeah, the other, the other old girls are quite interesting. I don't know if you've seen those ones, just like, but they're, they're interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am totally hyped up about it actually. I mean, the hype train that Blizzard have been rolling about this, uhm, expansion has really got to me and it's just, it's really exciting. I've been kind of following it the whole way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and I'm looking forward to it coming out. I think it will change the game in a good way. I think what they're doing with standard and wild is good. Yeah, I like, I like that sounds interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when it comes out, I'll probably play it for a couple of weeks before I get tired of it again. Uhm, but yeah, that's all I need, right? So I need a couple of weeks of wow, a couple of weeks of this, a couple of weeks of something new. You know, like when Civ 6 comes out, that'll be a couple of weeks. Maybe I'll put a week into Dark Souls, who knows, we'll find out. I've been playing lots of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we played like a little bit of it. It's kind of like a blend between Binding of Isaac, which I've been playing a lot of them really like, and Nuclear Throne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I think that Binding of Isaac is just a stronger game these days. After it got remade and all the additions to it, I think it's just, it feels to me like Binding of Isaac's a stronger game. After playing a bit of Enter the Gudge, I just didn't, didn't like it. Nilesy is the real person to, and he's playing it right now actually, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a little bit like just having all the package shit. It's like saying, okay, I want to, I want to, I made a game, I want to promote it. And then you give it to an agency and they say, okay, we're going to take it out to Twitch streamers and YouTubers, we're going to make billboards, we're going to do everything, we're going to do this, we're going to do that. But esports is just one of these other things which they do as part of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The release of a game now, and it's just, it's kind of done by the community people, they don't care, they don't really think about, maybe they'll add a few little spectator modes and stuff in, in backend to, to facilitate it, but really they don't care. I think Blizzard games, Overwatch and, uhm, Heroes of Storm are pretty clowny now, and like, they feel kind of quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't feel, they don't take themselves too seriously. Not that they've ever really done, but nowadays even more so. You know, here's the storm, it's very loosey-goosey with how like, you know, you can have like clown costumes and alternate world versions, like good versions of bad versions of famous heroes. It's nice, it's nice to have that, but it's, the Blizzard universe is very close to us. Anyway, let's, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go through the questions that the people have for us before we end this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's hear these amazing- So we record the podcasts on Thursday mornings at 10am, so Sips tweets out at 10am on Thursday. So if you want to ask questions,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't mind, I don't mind, but I think that, I think that we got, we got, I think we got the decent, I think that we got the format locked down. We'll see how it goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would work. But I think that what would happen is if one of us was away, me, if I was away, you know, you could fill in for me with someone else, that would be easy. But if Sips was away, me and you would record some Dota and if


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he could do an hour and a half. I think he could probably give us like five minutes max. He's a busy man. He's a Scientologist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you have to, you have to worry because uhm, first of all, one man can't influence very much. My feeling on this is that if you got sent back 3000 years, you're likely gonna be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what happens is you're only one man, you know, there's gonna be wars, there's gonna be fights, you're gonna be, even if you're a charge or the leader or they find they can't kill you, as soon as they find they can't kill you, whoever's in charge is gonna lock you up in a cage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you wouldn't. I think you'd go insane. I think you would, I think you would literally go, cause you know what it's like for people who are trapped on their own in a cage for a long time. They go completely fucking mental. You would lose your mind. I think it would be horrible. I think that what you'd have to do is you'd have to be very careful. So I'd probably work like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I probably, I probably used my knowledge, right, to get some sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it could be like, I don't know, Malta or somewhere like that, some, some island where I'm like in charge, I'm the king, I've got, I've got my own private army.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would have to be, I'd have to be quite smart about how I said it. I'm like, I wouldn't be the king and monarch. I'd be like one of the members of like a council or like a cabal. Yeah, like worm, like worm tongue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. If you don't feel pain, how can you feel pleasure, Sips? Anyway, uh. I have one more. It's not a question though. Alright, fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Mia. Uh, and thank you everyone else who has listened to and supported the trifles podcast. Thank you to Sips. Thank you to Pyrimflax. My pleasure, my pleasure. Uh, wife. And forget for sorting the shopping out. And thank you, of course, to me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll alley-oop him, you dunk him, okay? Do you have like a... Please don't talk during the game. There's an intro right now, Duncan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He told me this really boring story about how he listens to them on his way into work every day and loves us and thinks that I'm really funny and Perian's really funny and you not so much. Uhm, but yeaah, he'll be really mad that he wasn't the first guest on this one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, see now you've truly become, you've truly become a man then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, not very many people say they have gigantic dicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that one when you were a kid? My dad could beat your dad up. What does your dad do? He's a pro wrestler. What does your dad do? Countin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some, yeah, some, some pretty substantial nappy changes. I haven't smelled any flowers. The weather's been terrible. Haven't really been outside. Um, today I traveled, which is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a real bad day today, okay. There was, uh, bad customer service, which is a huge thing for dads. You know, when the customer service is bad. Where was that? So you know it's going to be a bad day. Jersey airport. At the airport. So, we get to the airport, we wake up at like six, okay, because we had to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we wake up at 6, the whole day starts, it's fucking crazy, everybody's screaming and trying to kill each other straight away. And uh, we somehow manage to like have showers and dress the kids and feed them and get like some stuff packed. And we make it to the airport and it's like, it only takes us 10 minutes to get to the airport. So it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we go through security, which took us like an hour, because we had a fucking pram and like, million bags, fucking sink, and like, just all this shit. Uh, we get through and we're like, great, and we look at the board and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to keep them busy, right? Double breakfast. So we, so fucking double breakfast, we have another breakfast, okay? And there's shit, there's stuff everywhere. Like my daughter just, she doesn't eat, she just throws, she takes food apart and throws it everywhere. So like on the ground it just looks like there's been a war or like a fight or something. There's like bits of bread everywhere and like cheeto dust and whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just do it, just whatever. So, she eats all that sh- well, she makes a mess of that shit and eats some of it. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ten o'clock rolls around, and the update comes on, and we're like, oh shit, maybe it's gonna be another delay, and they're like, we regret to inform you that your flight has been cancelled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in the airport, but after a second breakfast, all the stuff was checked in, all the bags were like on the plane and stuff, and they're like, you have to go back and pick up your bags, and then you have to go back to the departures lounge to get like another flight sorted out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, so we go to the baggage reclaim, I took like a fucking hour. Oh, Jesus Christ. They didn't even put the bags in the fucking plane. Like, I don't know where they were, but they just took an hour to get back, so we're just like sitting there, the kids are like going nuts and everything, we're just like super depressed and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, so they book us onto like the three o'clock flight. And so we went home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so we get on the plane, everything is fine, everything's smooth, we get, we land in Bristol and we're like, okay cool, maybe this isn't so bad, you know, like we did some chores and stuff, it was alright. But, we were supposed to rent a car, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They come back and they're like, well listen, uh, we can't find your car seat, so we're not sure what to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then the lady's like, I'm, and I'm, I'm, my shift is done, so I'm going home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck? So we're like, well, so there's no car seats. And they're like, no. And we're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How the fuck am I supposed to drive a car? Just tell her to take your one year old to the roof rack. And she's like, I don't know. And I was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well fuck, can I have a refund? And she's like, oh yea yea, sure no problem. Great, thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if they could pick up the TV, they'd do it, like chuck it out the window and stuff. And then, uhm, and then now I'm here. That's been my day. So for now, jeez. So you left your wife just dealing with that. She was like, dead. Like I went into the room, she had the baby, and she just like, on the side of the piece, I'm outta here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, nice, maybe in a couple years maybe I'll also be able to do that. You'll get that friend. You'll get that. Right now it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had lunch. So, so you want to have kids now based on that story, right? Are you like totally, you're like, yes, my five year plan,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We never got that fan- I did a play when I was in nursery school and I played a cow who was like one of the extras, like I didn't get Jesus, I didn't get like Mary or anything like that, no. I had to play a cow. A cow? I had no lines whatsoever and my tail was a brown sock. And it was pretty bad. Pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to, yeaah, every year we used to have like an airband competition. And so, and, and it was almost like, uh, there was like a season leading up to like, the bit, the finals. So like every week there'd be a couple of airbands and then they'd get voted to go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like there was like this like, you know, you know Thriller. Yeah. You know how before the music starts, there's like a little bit of a lead up. Yeah. We did the same thing, but Ghostbusters. Oh, so there was like two girls talking. Okay. They were our friends. Okay. And they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then quickly, we devolved into degenerates and never did anything like that ever again, so. Spent the rest of high school just being clowns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything else from school. We just did a lot of- We did a band camp. We did a skateboarding stuff and then some just fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just did a weed once in a while and that was it. Did a weed. Yeaah, just one or two and that was it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had the big skateboards for a while and then we got the smaller skateboards and that was it. Oh shit. That's all we had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I remember one time we entered a Lego building competition. Yeah. Okay. And cause we used to play a lot of Lego. We were like 15 at the time. And me and my friend were like, that's pretty old for Lego. Fuck these guys. We're going to kill these guys. We're going to make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Starship Enterprise out of LEGO, but I didn't have like many grey LEGOs. I had like all the clown colour LEGO. So we, we started making like the saucer section and then we were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit, that's pretty good though. We used to, back before, like, you know, you know nowadays, like, at school in a computer lab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything's fucking firewall to shit, you can't go to certain sites and stuff. Back before that was like a thing, we had a computer lab, it was all these like old ass Macs and stuff, and it had internet access. And we had like this thing at school that was like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like this community portal and you signed up and you- It was like Facebook. Yeah, yeah. But like fucking years before Facebook and it was total dogshit and nobody used it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so we go into the computer labs, we'd have, we had a whole afternoon of Photoshop class, okay? This is when Photoshop first came out. So my whole afternoon was Photoshop, and you had to do all these like, you had to do all this shit where you had to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, clip out a flower and superimpose it on something and stuff. So we finish up all that shit and then we go around to all the computers and we go to like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not that bad though. I mean at least he didn't overclock a bunch of like expensive equipment. Yeaah. For everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it just, it never worked out. Did you, so was it just, was it a first bass night, or were other basses rounded on that night? Well, no, there were no more basses, no, of course not, no more basses were rounded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you understand the basics. Third base is like, your dick is out, and is like in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't, what, it's not a base, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you've, you've, you've, goal achieved if you're at the home plate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Knowing what I know now, my teenage years would have just been one long hardcore porno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it is actually. It's nice, it's nice reminiscing. It's nice looking back. It's nice, it's nice opening up the time capsule.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need a guy like that. He put, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like lighter fluid or something down one of those spinny slides and lit it on fire. Yeah. Because he thought that planes would be able to see like the spiral of fire. What? And we were just like, what the fuck man, like why would you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was, he just reeked of like fucking gas and stuff like all the time. It was like, it was just fucking weird, man. Like, I don't know. I mean, he's alright, but. Shit. I don't think any planes would have seen that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you're itching to do your accent. You pretend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do a roleplay. Hello, period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, that's like almost everybody in the chat right now works at Pizza Hut. Everyone says they work there, yeaah. Well that's the podcast, so I hope you enjoyed the live podcast, we had fun doing it as usual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's tricky, it's tricky, but, but like we come, but we came back to the office yesterday with no videos recorded. It's tricky because you feel this pressure, you feel the stress and also it affects everything you do. You're like, oh, quickly better record something or better quick, better do something. And it results in worse content, I think. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plan, one of the resolutions really is to work hard to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's mainly because building work is going on in our building, right? And it's going to be really noisy. And, um, we, we, we viewed this nice place and it was like, oh yeah, this is really nice. It had, it's all, it's all modern office building. Okay. So what they do is they don't have any kind of ceiling. They just have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doors have fallen off, utility aged, they say. Period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She wouldn't use normal new bricks, no she wanted old, reliable, classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vintage bricks. Vintage bricks. You know, proven bricks have stood for years. Vintage rocks. Vintage rocks. They don't make rocks like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck. Asbestos is like super interesting actually. I was reading about it. It's uhm, it's like mined like, it's a rock. Okay. It's mined like a rock. I think the original,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The anecdote I remember about it was that I think Marco Polo had a, um, like a dressing gown or a robe made out of it or a cloth made out of it. And in order to clean it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would throw it in a fire, so, cause it won't burn, it would just burn off all of the stains. So he would like get it really dirty, covered in like tomato sauce or whatever they were eating back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It took a good amount of time for us to realise it was, it was pretty bad for your lungs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think actually it's, it's most of the people who end up getting problems with asbestos are people who've worked with it for a long time in the mining and they're regularly breathing in the dust. And the reason I think it's a problem is because it's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's this, this material made of, of graphene, which is, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, graphene like rolled up into tubes like a newspaper. What's the point of it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if theoretically, if you could find a way to make it very reliable, it would be a super material, much like, well, carbon obviously is graphite or diamond, for example, diamond is a form of graphite, carbon nanotubes are form of graphite, they're very, very strong, you know, stronger than any material that we have now. So it's potentially.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyway, apparently you could, it's one of those materials, one of these super materials that is very expensive to make, but potentially could be used to make things like a space elevator. But at the same time, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it's like, it's basically small plastic that's being sort of eroded down to sort of small particles of it over time and it's just super bad for you. So yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, spooky what we're doing to the world, isn't it? But asbestos was used very up until, well, I say up until relatively recently, but there was like, I think, I think I read like a thousand tons of it was released into the air when the trade centers went up for example. So, you know, like stuff like that, which is quite interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weren't you actually doing stuff around? Weren't you actually working on that? I was too!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y2K was just a big scam the whole time and it was nothing and it turned over and everything was fine and everyone laughed about it. Or B, those 55 year old guys, that whole bunch of guys did such a great job. They did so well. They robustly built and made protections for the system that it didn't cause any trouble at all because of those experiences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you've got to also understand that, yea, people don't think it's the future, okay? They really don't. Like, you know, imagine you were coding this stuff in 1985, okay? Yeah. 15 years away. That was my dad. Look at what year it is now. It's 2017 now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine what you'd be doing in 2032. Geez, it sounds like so fucking far away. You wouldn't think like that there would be a problem related to that year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I totally, totally see that as someone who's, who's, I mean, the problem, we have this thing in the office, right? And it's like, on one hand, we want the office to be really complicated and do stuff. We want to be able to like have any room connected to any room to hear it instantly. We want to be able to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have people hear their game audio, but also record not the microphone, you know, and we ended up having this overly complicated setup that no one knows how it works apart from Sam in studio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is on the one hand, it's, it's overly complicated and only he knows how to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the other hand, he does just bring in random people occasionally and train them up in about a day to know how to do it. So if we wanted, if me and Duncan, me and Duncan complain about all the time that we don't know how to use any of this stuff, but if we actually took a day out of our schedule, we would just be able to learn it. It's not actually that bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of those things that, that people latch onto, right? When you, when people, when people at work, right, they get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very sensitive about those types of things because they're very easy to pick up on. Okay. You can pick up on if someone's coming in late or going home early very easily, but it's very difficult to pick up on how productive they are actually at work, how efficient they are, how good they are around those other things. You know, someone might come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By like a country mile, but you'd never be able really to like know that they were, but everyone, everyone around the office would, would kind of be really annoyed about that guy and going like, Oh, that guy to do anything, you know, it's always coming in late, always going home early, clock it off, lazy asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, but, but, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to stay under the radar, you know, just make sure you turn up on time. And see the other classic thing they always say is be angry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like everyone in our office is kind of indispensable in the sense that a lot of people do something that we can't do and do it very, very well. And I think the way we've sort of tried to deal with that there's people kind of taking advantage of that is by just being...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have to return the next day to exactly the same place to kill those skeletons again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, but it replaced skeletons with supermarkets, and skeleton bones with nappies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the good one that I learned was that when you, what this, this was something I learned through raiding. Okay. So when you raid with people, you would, it was very addictive in a sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seemed addictive, but it wasn't addictive in that sense. It was like, you always turn up on time because other people were waiting on you and you didn't want to let them down. Okay. That's I think why, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still has these communities of people who raid together for years and years, even though if you asked everyone in the actual raid group, whether they hated it or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would all say, yes, I hate it, why do I still come? Oh, I still come because everyone else wants me to come. So you've got this group of 40 people, 20 people, however many people turn up every week to do something they each hate because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are, what, don't want to let the other people down and they don't realize that all of the rest of them hate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's this weird thing, okay, so I think that that kind of philosophy of not wanting to let people down is actually a much more of a big motivator for me to get out of bed in the morning. If I had to come in in the morning and do some work on my own, I'd be like, ugh, I'd just stay in bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's it, right? So I will come in and, and every morning and do stuff because I don't, cause I feel like, yeah, you know, I don't want to let Duncan down. I don't want to let, you know, Terps down. I don't want to let any of the people down that I've promised I'll turn up for this thing. And, and usually I have to be very conscious in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not hating those things too, right? And sometimes it's a bit strange because sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like an old wise man saying maybe, but it's, I think that's somewhat true. You know, I think that you don't, it doesn't matter how crappy the game is you're playing. Like how much did we, how much do we hate Dota like after a while, but we still enjoy it because we're there like shooting shit with friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That divinity with us was like, we were having fun because we were together, but the game itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was frustratingly like, I think I feel like that with certain other things that we do sometimes. And I think just being aware of those things, because if you have that golden combination of you're with your friends that you like spending time with and you're playing something that's fun, then you get really, really good stuff out of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's finding that magical combination. Like I think when we did the livestreams over Christmas, we, a lot of that happened, right? Like there were these, like when you did the Star Wars D&D, I think you really, really enjoyed that. That was great, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everyone, like, totally raved about it. And we, we did our, we did a D&D, Star Wars D&D as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with a completely different group of people and it was completely different to yours, but we had a, we had a great time, you know, and then when we did, when Sips came down and we played Stellaris, uh, it was, the game was pretty boring. I think we got bored of it and as a result, it didn't have that same joyous energy to it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it was, it was just not the right choice of game really. I think sometimes when, sometimes you have to...