[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I want to bring back? The first deodorant I ever used was Brute. And I want to start using Brute again. Cause that shit is for MAN ONLY.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you guys think? How did they get the branding of Old Spice? So okay, there's a ship on the logo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're saying like they're bringing spices from the like the old world. Do you think that the first deodorant old spice ever made was like way back in the day made with some like really crazy spices?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I wanna hear more. When did Old Spice start? Because the branding is off the chain. It makes me think it's been around forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the history of Old Spice, uh, was inspired by his mother, this guy named Schultz. He started it, and his mother had- What year? Uh, she was an old spicy bitch. Popery. And he named the fragrance Early American Old Spice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Model T Ford. So that was 1937. So they're thinking, hey, we got it, we got it. Uh, that sucks. Why does that suck? Why does 1937


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's uh, Why is that sussing? I thought Old Spice, they have a ship because they, and it's saying spice. So what do you think of when you see a ship and spice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what they're playing, Ders. You know what they're playing into. Hold spice with a ship. It's like spice trade. Cause actually I don't. It's spice trade. Yea, I have no idea why you're planting your flag. Spice tray?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Outport, uh, can't remember the exact dialogue from work hall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the mid-century, they started to expand and evolve and they were, it was really starting to sell very well. Then they were bought out by Procter Gamble. They made that big money in 1990 for Mojo Dinero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then. Yep, that's when they got me. It was over. They rebranded again as the man your man could smell like. And I don't even know what that means. That's fucking weird. That's like the dude you wanna fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your dude can smell like him. And your guy can smell like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And with all that said, I'm switching to brute. I'm sorry, I'm going back. I'm sorry mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should make a- Old Spice should make a flavor called Brute. And it should smell like Brute. And it should be in green. I bet. That sounds lawsuit city. Is Brute even in a- Who made Brute? Polo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is what I was saying, because Brute was green and square. Polo was green and square. It's, it still is. It's for sale right now. You can buy it at Amazon, Rite Aid, Target.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to let you guys in on my mind here. Like, Brute and Polo. Yea, you could get it in all different sizes. They were both the same green. They were both the same green.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I watched- I feel like I watched that documentary on like Disney, so it's gotta be real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that I think about it. Comedy bridges a lot of things, man. Yeah, I was like, I was like, I was sick. I was like, ah, he's a big work-aux fan. We should work with him again. And then he is, then his text talks about, uh, like eating, eating girls and wants to like fillet them and shit. By the way, did you see, uh, Ders comes in handy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His family was like wild, dude. Yes, insane. They were all vampires. His grandfather was a Russian spy, uh, that rolled with Reagan. He was like Reagan's homeboy and he'd like go to the White House and visit him and shit. And he, all of his phones were tapped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he would like get these guys, and I'm not saying if he had Reagan in his pocket, but his thing was, and he would get people to say things on, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And by the way, I was like, my grandpa didn't do shit, dude. My grandpa should have been extorting more people. Yeah. My grandpa wore brute. Yeah. My grandpa was just like a mailman. I'm like, you didn't extort anybody, Gramps. Man, we could have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to wear it to junior high and I never got one compliment from a girl. As soon as I switched to Old Spice, chicks were like, you have swagger. Yeah, that's when you get the compliments. Old Spice is a better, are you a swagger hound? Do you remember when you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, so it's, I mean it was just like the fragrance was like way, way, way too strong. Kyle definitely froze in the weirdest look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was too much for me. I remember my girl, I asked my girlfriend to not use it. I'm like, it's too...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, uhm, Bed Bath & Beyond was like the same era as, like, what was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what was the, the candle shop that used to go off? Yankee Candles. Yeah, Yankee Candles. I feel like those were twin mall stores. It was just a candle shop that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a mall thing. I feel like we hung out in a lot more malls than you did, Ders. It was a lot of hanging out in malls where we're from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're, you're the streets of the country club. You were spray painting things. I was out there in the streets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because a street is paved doesn't mean... A lot of tiki torches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Portland, Oregon, that's where we're heading after Austin, Texas. Portland, I mean, I got some family there. We, maybe we leave the deodorant at home because Portland can get a lot kind of stanky. That's what I like about Portland. It gets funky. Yeah, they need some brute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I love Portland. I haven't been in Portland in a while. I actually have had some really. And those are Doolene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of weird, whereas like Austin is like the weird part of quote unquote weird part of Texas, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's cool about weird is just, it just means you accept people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just as like girls with septum, what do they call that? Sceptum? Sceptum? Deviated septums? No, with the piercing right there. I feel like every girl in Austin and Portland has one of those. And that's what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all it takes. Maybe, dude, while we're there, I know Kyle's not here to speak for himself, but he should definitely get that piercing. A septum piercing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we all, do we all get that for the Austin Portland run and then we can just take them out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never. Septums are notoriously, yeah, because think of all the dudes who do like massive amounts of coke and their septum just like dissipates, just disintegrates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a major thing about coke dudes who do a ton of coke is the middle of your nose, your septum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It disappears. We keep Austin weird. It doesn't, it's not like your ear where the hole will close up after a while. It doesn't, but even then it doesn't fully. That's a bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that shit is sick, dude. If you do that, I will be so hyped on you. I think we all need to. I'm not gonna be the- I don't like it. I think it's dumb. Well, you go first. You go first. A big ol' door knocker. Like I said, yeah. I will go first if you pr- You first, Kyle second. Inspire me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go first if you guys promise to also go. I'll go as soon as you go first, Kyle go second, then I'll go third.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either, either we all get, we have to get some kind of piercing. Oh, in Austin we're pierced. I feel like, dude, I feel Kyle is going to be come back fully pierced. He's, you know, he's going to have two nipple piercing. He's going to have a tongue ring just bored out of his mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that's Portland. Portland, we're hitting Piercings. And then, and then we go to the beautiful Paramount Theater, and I looked up this theater in Oakland, California. It is beautiful, dude. That is a pretty, pretty theater. We just talked about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's up to our Bay Area boys to, uh, to help us sell that bad bitch out. We are Bay Area-ish. Oh yeah, no problem. Trust me, there's, there's gonna be a lot of people from Clayton Valley there representing. Come on, let's go. And also my mother and my stepdad. And Leilani from my mom's work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us how, yeah, how you really were. That's also what I want. I feel like let's do that in Chicago. Let's do that in Oakland and then let's do that in Omaha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I really remember is the way he smelled. Like, uh, like my grandpa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With his brute deodorant and polo cologne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oakland's gonna be crazy. They're just all gonna talk about like, yeah, he was like, he had really fucked up teeth. He had like these giant thick glasses. He had a major blow up after, uh, after high school. Now he's hot AF, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, should we dress up like uhm, Marvel characters like it's Comic Con or what? What should we do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that might endear me to, uh, the Marvel, uh. That's true. You guys have beef, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had a real dust up with Marvel, where I've sort of taken out a context about me saying that they ruined comedies, blah blah blah blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I stand by what I, I stand by what I said. I stand by what I said. But, uh, you know, they get, those Marvel fans get real riled up. So I am gonna dress as, uh, what's a good Marvel character to dress as?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing? Yeah. I feel like I'm the thing, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and also real world dress up like MTV real world Puck. Was Puck the one that uh, like slapped that girl? No, that was Seattle. That was real world Seattle, remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the, in the peanut butter after he picked his nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How cool is it that reality TV was so new at that point that all of us were watching the exact same show and can remember dumb little things from... But, you know what else was weird? It was like the first time you were introduced to like, gay people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On your tv like being gay living like truthfully like out loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I didn't have a gay brother, but that was a lot of our introductions to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is fucking cool. It was a great introduction to like all walks of life. That's why real world was fucking cool. It was the real world, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I read some comments on, uh, our, like, I was watching Family Feud, our little clip of it, and I read some of the comments, and every, every girl was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Dyrs's brother is the hottest. Oh my god, he's so fucking hot. So if you're ever wants to jump ship and try to fuck girls for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go lucky. Yeah. Well, that's what it is, is they know that they're not going to fuck them. So they could throw out that, they can hound all that swagger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeremy Allen White? Just say the Bear Guy. Jeremy Allen White, yea. Bear Guy, Bear Guy, Bear Guy. Yea, yea, the Bear Guy. Okay, so San Antonio, Texas. Oh damn. Oooh. Sperm me, baby. I don't know if I've spent too much time in San Antonio. I don't think I've spent a lot of time in San Antonio. It'd be cool if, uh. I've never been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I have been to San Antonio and I did walk the river walk now that you mentioned it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, true. And then all of our parks in LA, like, Runyon Canyon is just covered in dog shit. Like, there's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just every dog in the city just goes there and catches giant dumps and then no one picks it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeaah. Yep, who was in, uh, who was in Mike and Dave need wedding dates. A very funny actress. Yep. Game over, man. Okay, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't think Riff Raff lives in Houston anymore. He probably- No, he's a- he's a Vegas boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never are. And then we're in Huntington, New York, and I think that's a little upstate, is that correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing about this tour for us, we're like just. I like none of us have looked up any of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet there's a lot of stories about that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. It's gonna go off, baby. Strong Island is what a lot of people say. And Becca, our producer, saying that, uh, he wasn't in school at the same time, but he is beloved. So yeah, obviously, obviously. For sure, no doubt. Yeah, I feel, let's get Riff, let's get Raph out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get raff. Uh, then we're going to New York, Newark, New Jersey, which I haven't really thrown down in Newark before. I would love to get my Newark on. Get your Sopranos on? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that where Sopranos took place? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think you're right. Just right across. Okay, let's all wear suits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like good luck with that. Or, or if like someone just misspoke and they're like, yeah, I'm from Newark. Right, and then it's stuck? Newark? And they're like, yeah. Fuck, I meant to say New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they're like, well, this is what the city's called now. Too late. We wrote it down. Ben Franklin wrote it down. It's over. Yeah, they drive me nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is, where's it come from? It's actually the same guy. It's Christopher Columbus. He fucking stopped in Newark. That guy was a fucking moron, dude. He's just naming. What is happening? He's like, I think I'm in New York and then it's just Christopher Columbus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, fuck him. No. No, I'm sorry. I love Italian people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strong, strong take. And then we're going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. New York, New York City. New York City at the beautiful Beacon Theater. That's a big bad bitch. I'm really excited for New York. That's gonna be a bang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the... That's probably, that... Hit up, uh, some cool dive bars. I like, um, Josie's is a cool dive bar. I feel like that show is gonna be like just Kyle doing an Alicia Keys set, where it's just Kyle and a piano, and then we're kinda like in the background a little bit, but it's just Kyle just playing his heart out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's gonna be Kyle in a piano. Fuckin'. Isn't Blake funny? Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just playing his heart out, and we're gonna kinda... For more comedy! Admittedly, that Alicia Keys song...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up top, two bee stings? Also be there, and I think you're gonna be there, and Ders is gonna be there, and maybe we're gonna- But it might be a lot of Kyle on piano!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mostly us talking about our butt holes. I don't know if we're going to take a departure for the New York show. But also, also might be Kyle in a piano.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] P.A. I like every, like, Ben Salem. I feel like there's a bunch of towns that are- That's Philly. That's basically Philly. I- Is that right? Is that right? We kinda- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like our Philly date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How we chose, uh, the, the, the venues or the places that we're going to is these are the places with the highest concentration of TII Nation listeners. For sure. Really? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you are like, why aren't you coming to Florida? Well motherfucker, there's not enough people that listen to the podcast in Florida. You guys are on some other shit. That's crazy. Cause I, I have so much love for Florida. The fact that they don't listen, I'm a little pissed. That's fucked up. Naples! They don't love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, in West Florida, I would love to do a Key West date. That would be insane. Yeah, that'd be fun as all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe go missing. It's a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's for sure what would happen there. One of us would never come back. Well, he died. Oh, it's an amazing time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I've been to Tulsa. There's a very good steakhouse. I cannot remember the name of it. I wish it would come to me. Tulses!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yes, you go out into a field, you meet it, you look at it in its eyes and say, I shall eat your haunch. Kyle, Kyle rides it. Uh huh. He's crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's not skip over Kansas City too much because I know Sean Malto and his friends are going to come out that way. Come on, tap in baby. Oh really? Wait, is he going to be out there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shoot, he makes the pilgrimage all the time, dude. That's the way to go. I love that. He has to come, and if he does come, we have to demand that he comes on stage and do skateboard tricks. Oh, he has to. Don Malto, very famous skateboarder, very cool, fun guy. I feel like we need to put him to work and have him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we build a little ramp and he, he does, he does some stunts. Yeah, let's do a little demo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just feel like at every stop there should be a piano and someone should just really play their har-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I will definitely get, let's, uhm. Well, the fun part will be like every city we go to is just finding like a one weird fun thing to just do to make it a little different, to make it stand out. Most of the time it's kissing each other and then pulling our wieners out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, that's not a bad idea. I bet I would, I bet I'd be the one to stay the longest and then immediately have to go to the hospital because I cannot warm back up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a corpse. He's a corpse. He would just like sit in it and go... No, cause he got in my cold plunge and he was a big ol' bitch about it. Yea, he was a bitch about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, really? When you're a bitch about something. You were there, Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You not remember that? It was just- I don't remember I was bl- Oh, that was before the Urbine show and I was blackout. Well, why don't you cry about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we, uh, we for sure can do all that stuff, and I'll take you guys to some good food places, and... I wanna see the window that someone, some girl jumped in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we can drive, we can, if I can remember where it is exactly, I'll drive, uh, drive past it. But, uh, you're gonna be like, oh, this is, when I went to Blake and Kyle's hometown, Clayton,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Conchord. Oh, sorry, Conchord. Who was it, Clinkin'? Uh, Conchord, but Clayton and Conchord are like right next to each other, right? Yes, very close, but we are Conchord. We claim Conchord. Yeah. Conchord. Yeah, so when I visited them in Conchord, I was like, oh, we grew up in the exact same town. It's just like- Yeah. Suburbs. Suburbs. It's just suburbs. Suburbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I was like, oh, we did the exact same, that's why we get along so well. And I think we clicked initially as we literally, it's the same restaurants, the same town and just- Quiznos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why does that blow your mind? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Run. Yeaah, we're doing a lot of shows. Well, what's cool about it is, some would say too much. Uhm, this, a lot of say, yeaah, our wives and girlfriends say too much, but huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I think we have to get it in because I truly don't think there will ever be a time when we'll all be available to do it again. And who knows maybe, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The strike ends and someone has to go back to work and you know, it's three of us, but I truly think that this will be the time that all four of us can get on the road and be together and do a string of shows, which will be really, really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm actually, yes, I'm very excited. Like it's, and it's going to be a blast to meet the fans of all different shapes, sizes, smells, you know, and dude, it's crazy. Like I cannot wait to meet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go across country and like fucking meet fans that maybe have been rocking with us for like 20 years. Who knows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would comment on every YouTube video and he said, and he's like been with us the whole time. Adam, you know it. You know it. That is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've done stand-up tours, and so this is gonna be your guys' first time, like, on a proper tour. And it is really cool to meet some of these fans that have been fucking with us since the mail-order comedy days. They've watched our videos and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then to see us progress and then do workaholics and then kind of fail miserably right after that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure we're all going to catch new COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, it was amazing. Yeah, dude. I can't, I cannot wait to see how much COVID we get. Like how, what the, is it over, under two, two of us get COVID?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a hoax! Well, uh, any tape backs, any apologies? Seems like Kyle gave up. He, he, he chunked out and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I hope we see you. And I would like to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so this is a weak and some change. Not, not the strongest beard you've ever seen, but you know, it's not, it's not nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, really? Slap Britney Spears?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they not know it was Britney Spears because of the accent? Do you think that's kinda what happened? Like, like, do you think that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's fucking weird. No matter how it is, you're backhanding in the face. Is that what it said? That's, that's not right. It's never right. It's never right. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you've been there, Blake, but probably for like a after-party of a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I do love that people just are like, I guess we go to catch. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been pretty bad lately, like the people who will get all the pressure put on them, whether it's Zion or whoever, like, people get injured, you know, it's a total bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, yep. Unaware of this. Unaware. What, what, what's the deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, fucking, don't even, hold up, hold up, don't even, if you have Sriracha right now, don't even sell the bottle. Sell fucking drops. Sell Nealsworth and fucking break that shit and make more cash, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dimebags, exactly, Ders. Dimebags of Sriracha, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heinz 57, baby. Heinz 57. Oh yeaah. Oh yeaah. Guilty. No, I'm uh. Guilty as charged. No, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, guilty. I don't- I honestly don't know what-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, mustard, I think French's is kind of holding it down, I think, I think. Yea, but if you get Heinz mustard, it tastes the same as French's. That is kinda true. Well, just yellow though, does it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys ever do this little snack with mustard? Do you ever take like just regular potato chips and dip them in a little mustard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get them pre-dusted. Honey mustard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the thin sticks, dude. Those are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Adam. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, Adam. That's it. That's you got me. Where does he come up? Where does he come up with this stuff? No, when I was a kid, I used to like to act like they were cigarettes. I used to be like, this guy is sick and twisted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuh. Ash anyway, after you take a little bite, then you could do the little ash and some crumbs would come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bite the salt off with your little front teeth. You don't suck em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that like a Lil Wayne lyric? You wanna suck the brown off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thicker, the thicker, they have thicker, uh, pretzel rods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like a soggy, limp pretzel. Nah, no. Unless this pretzel bites. So wait, hang on. Do you like to suck them until they get soft and limp afterwards? No, they don't get limp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's probably the newest delivery system for pretzels, right? Yeah, that's the new sh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that? Yes. Okay. The worst has got to be the nuggets, right? The little pretzel nuggets? I'm not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not- Yeah, I mean when those are soft, they're cool, but when they're hard, I'm like- Oh yeah, those are the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, these are definitely the newest incarnation of pretzel, uh, pretzel food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, peanut butter's a good, that's a good one. That's a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Pretzels and hummus. Yeah, for sure. Why not? For sure. This is crazy. To me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta tell you though, if Adam comes back with pretzel buns, boy, I might die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, can you explain to me, like- These are better. Explain to me what's going on with them? What's the deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude. When? When I get that, I'm traveling with that bag, bro. That is my fucking bag. TSA is gonna have your ass. You're now? Well, step right over here. Ah, they're gonna stop me, dude. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, it comes with, dude, just sent you money? Yeaah. Tons of money, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you guys are gonna get my Oscar vote for sure. Yeah, they're paying off. What is that? Is that a DVD?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a DVD from Netflix? I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I send you my address? I remember when you texted. I did, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now Blake, what are we, what's the, what are we doing here? We're drinking a lot of water, I've noticed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe the amount of water you're supposed to drink per day is your weight converted to ounces halved. They're not converted, but just pounds go ounces and then half of that. This is important. Does that make sense? No. Will you explain it? Pounds go ounces? What? That shit's important. So if like for me, I weigh, I weight. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're supposed to drink a fuck ton of water. Yeah, you're supposed to drink more than you would think. I'll tell you that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did hear that you are supposed to wash them after every... You rub a dog's asshole on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should. The amount of bacteria that's growing inside of that thing, you'd be surprised, playboy. Yeah, but it makes you stronger. You eat it and then it's in your body and it eats. Yeah, dude, who gives a shit? You're fine. I like that. I can get behind that. I'm into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, what is even an example of an answer to that question?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I'm not eating out. What's the one that you would? What is a public toilet that you would eat out of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just any library. No, it's a doctor's office. That's not public! That's not public!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're fucking don't understand what public and private is, dude, and it's fucking pissing me and Adam off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't think you can, I don't think you can just go to the Apple store and- Of the Apple stores I've been in? But we just said Target. There's no bathroom. They don't have bathrooms. Well, I'm sorry, hang on. We said Target. Target has bathrooms. Right. Well, they do. Apple stores have bathrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I also think that technically both of those are private bathrooms. I think you need to be purchasing something. So then, then Target's gotta be off the table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Starbucks, Starbucks is like an exception to the rule. Would you buy a laptop to take a shit somewhere?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the House of Repres- the House of Representatives. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The word we're looking for is like communal bathroom. What's the cleanest communal bathroom that you would eat off of, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is eating. This was eating out of the toilet. That's what we were talking about, which is just nasty and gross and shame on us for even talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about like a Sephora? Oooooh. Can you use, can you use the bathroom at a Sephora?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sephora? Sephora's gotta be 30. Adam, you gotta remember, he's a coastal elite, right? He gets things before we did in the Midwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't remember you being that zitty in-in college. Well, uh, uhm, I don't know. You were a zitty boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, we did cause Adam, I used to borrow your stridex pads and shit. I remember we used to do that. Oh yeah, I had stridex pads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to get like, I never got like zits zits, but I would get like razor bumps. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mmmm. Yea dude, I used to- I would get like a rowdy...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh, open source. Tell me a little bit more about the open, open source.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you mean, has anybody specifically, like, capitalized on this within the business world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we want to talk about how we did an episode of, have we talked about this on workaholics? We did a whole episode where the guys are like obsessed with Dr. Pepper 10. And this was in the making sure no women in the office were drinking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were reading a review of the episode and it was just like, fucking giving us the hardest time for like, such an obvious, uh, like ad. Like sell out. Yeah, look at these guys. Promo thing and we're like, we didn't get paid any money. Nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the triple, the triple thick burger that you guys had to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Tripp, yeaah. Was that a real, that was real sponsorship? Double beef? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna send us $150,000 towards the budget, we gotta do it. Yeah, actually, we're kinda tied to the bit. Yeah, we have to do this to shoot the end of this episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ready? I think it's the Wendy's Swiss Melt Triple Thick Burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a swiss, it was a swiss, it was a mushroom swiss melt triple something burger. Pizza pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, every time, every time, yeaah, this is so stupid, who wrote this shit? Yeaah, it's real mouthful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the exception of Kendall is the only one who's normal or no? But it is a muscle and you can, you can work it out, right? You could work your ass out to get to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just assumed it were implants. Blake, you've seen the like before and after next to each other of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never really watched the show, but I remember, I watched uhm, I think I feel like that talks about this too, but like, she was on like Leno, like showing her sick old Corvette, and she was like very cool, and I was like, oh, she's cool too? Fuck. Yeah, they all rock, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't believe that. That was just the first one that came to my mind. I don't think, I think I have to say the Copulas, bro. The Copulas. Super family. Oh, great answer. Great. Yeah, that's it. I love it. Copulas. Okay. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of tendrils out in the Hollywood. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And did you guys finally watch Carnal Knowledge? Tell me, uh, how, what'd you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the one where Boris is like- It's with Boris and he's clicking the pen? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like fuckin' Batman. Yeah, it's like Batman. Yeah, he's fuckin' Dark Knight Bond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sean Connery wasn't buff when he did Bond either, right? He wasn't ripped beyond belief. He was just a fucking debonair homie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can get behind that. Maybe that's, I feel like that might be something that needs to be injected in films. Like we should bring that back. Yeah. Why are we not, why are we not being horny? Why are, why are we not allowing horniness?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, motherfucker, roll gold. Was it Snyder cut? I want to slide on the Snyder, if you know what I mean. Hey, was it Snyder cut or what? It was the Snyder cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But shame, shame is about addiction. It's about sex addiction. It goes into the dark side. We don't want that. We want just fucking good, honest hornball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, who's the most iconic horny character of all time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the movie with, it's like the Englishman or the Gentleman or whatever, where it's like a- The English patient. Those, those British agents, and then he like saves the day. Oh yes yes yes yes. And he like, he's running to go save the day, and he's, she's like, you can't pull this off, you're not gonna save the world, and he goes, how about if I do, I fuck you in the ass, and she's like, okay. Oh, that's the Kingsman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then credits roll. And then credits roll, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that was like, that's still like extreme boundary pushing horny. We want just people who fuck, alright? We just want like- Right. Yeah, that's, that's right. You're right, Kyle. Like lethal weapons, saxophone, horny? Yeah, dude. Your boobs are huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But were they horny or did they just, did they make everyone else horny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I don't know. I don't know. So maybe 007 got into the nightmare of being a hot action hero and dealing with all the horniness around you. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gin, gin is tough. If you meet someone who's a gin guy, it's like... Like a beef eater, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody knows. I can't remember last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm stoked that we're all Heinzmen. I'm really stoked about that. That's a good thing for our crew. I'm, I'm happy too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very satisfying. Oh, this is like, that's a moment of gratitude. You're one of the 57. Yeah, this is a moment of gratitude. Yeah, moment of gratitude. 57 strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Heinz 57 is like a very specific sauce, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, me too. Heinz 57 is, is the one that's kind of orangish and says in giant numbers 57 on it. 57.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zippy kinda tangy. Oh, I don't know that one very well. Oh wow. I do know it pretty well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you're a fuckin' Worcestershire dude. I'm your Worcestershire guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, it's weird that we grew up, we grew up eating steak with A1. If you had it, you're like, well I gotta get the A1. And then you get us to a certain age and you're like, I'm ruining my steak with A1. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to ruin the stage. Like it becomes obsolete after a certain point in your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't had a one in so long. Is there like a smoky flavor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually kind of bummed. I feel like something magical could have happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that in Ojai? Was it in Ojai, if I remember correctly? It was in Blake's favorite place, uh, the something bowl in Ojai, California. I love it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the fuck out of here, dude. Get the fuck out of here. Are you serious?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me be your runner. Fuck, Adam, it might be worth it to just, if you hit a home run and then just died, I feel like that's worth it if your body just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you have to motor, you have to motor after


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It smells pretty good. Oh, it's the guy who says it? It's the guy who says it. It's the guy who-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please, please don't do the dance, you'll die, your hips will explode, you will die, you'll split into two people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, didn't they just make the sequel to White Man Can- or like a reboot or whatever? Yeah, and no one talked about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jack Harlow might just, I mean, I'm not saying Woody Harrelson isn't cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he was just kind of known as like a quirky guy, whereas Jack Harlow's known as like the guy who will steal yoga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, should we mention that every show will not have a spe-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like that. Where else is gay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, many, they call it many, many ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, is this a strip club or a bar? It's honestly, what is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, this is a crisis! Uh oh. This is a crisis in America, bud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of have like, uh, one little well that I dig on when it comes to slang and it happens to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My back was fucking up every time I was playing Pickleball. Like it was, it was always like a, and it's like a Netflix drop. And it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started doing yoga dude. I've been doing yoga for 18 days straight now. For 8 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's half a month, bro. That's big. But this is the longest I've ever actually said, you know what, I'm gonna fuck around and try and stretch. Okay, I'm gonna really try and do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The routines are, the routines can be set up where you can take it and actually feel your body and see how far you can go. You know what I mean? So you're your own master of your destiny or whatever, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do it on, no, I do it on YouTube. I do a, uh, uh. Is this DDT Yoga?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DDP Yoga is next right now. I'm, I'm yoga. I'm yoga with Adrienne right now. I'm doing- Who's that? She's got a lovely voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. My wife told me about Adrian years ago. Okay. Years ago. And I always kind of touch in, but I don't, I, I, I don't stick with it, you know? I just don't stick with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just doing it. I break away for like 45 minutes and do it in the gym downstairs. 45.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do it for yourself, okay? Understood? Asked and answered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take baby little steps. Yeah. And, and the third... Okay, take baby little steps. K is... The third is, uh, uh, I'm gonna take this from Tony Horton. Keep pushing play. Okay? Keep pushing play. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what he would say is every day you keep pushing play to his videos, to listen to him go, because once you start, you're in it. You know what I mean? You're in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what, what are you seeing, dude? Bro, just like prim- Like, like what? Like, like halos or something? Are you seeing halos around lights? I think that's like, uh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do too. I have this shit too blame it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, anxiety's like actually like a fucking hard ass thing to- when you see that scenario, it's a hard thing to get past that scenario. Like in your own mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, exactly, yes. Well yeaah, we're not there. We're not there. We are out in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a new, that's a new kind of thing for me cause I have like, it's a new thing to be able to like, pivot and move and be like, yeah, yeah, we're fine. Because it was always like, gotta fucking do this. I gotta be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, yeah, I've always come to you as this, when I get nervous or like the few times I did have to go on stage and I was fucking shaking because I'm holding like the paper towel or whatever, like those times I would go to you Adam and be like, bro, what the fuck is going on? And you were able to be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's a really good way to, like a good perspective of anxiety is if you clock what you're anxious about, like write that down and then look back on it and be like, well why was I anxious about that because now I'm here. And that didn't happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, Adam, I just got one of these fucking things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright. Oh yea, so you're coming in your pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit is so important. He, he loosens you up. That's what I need. I need that shit for pickleball, dude. I need that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you roll out, it hurts like a bitch, but you hope that it helps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's magic. I mean, look, you brought up DDP yoga, and I... Okay, let's go. Really am curious about DDP yoga, and I saw... Yeah, I mean I would think you are. I saw Tony Ho- I saw Tony Ho-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hurt, I hurt too bad. Yeah, what the fuck? I was hurting, I was hurting too bad. I don't know. It was, I was, I don't know, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was hurting too bad. I wasn't sure that I was gonna get much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Program. It's a yoga regimen. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Tony Horton is, there is a crossover video where Tony Horton is doing DDP yoga and Tony was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That was like season three, I think. I think it's season three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does it matter though? Does it really matter when you think about it? Does it matter if you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hollywood. That's a banger dude, that's a banger. It does hit. It goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, narcoleptic people will fucking sleep standing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? No. I can see like leaning against something like while laying down like on a bed or something. But then you fall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is all Durs on the, on the binocs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, I'll be in my trailer. No, no, he's running with me on an Indie. We're doing an Indie style. He's running with me on an Indie, with Snipes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing wrong with asking for low chairs because the high chairs are horrible for your fucking back, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I have an image of Gary Sinise walking at the end of the movie. Is he walk- Oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And at the beginning of the movie he has legs as well? I don't remember him at the beginning. What are you- With legs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, I know I should have this in my mind, but I don't have an image of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that means that your movie has to take place when Forrest was like off doing something in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need to tell what was going on, we need to fill the gaps in the Lieutenant Dan storyline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, homie, I got, uh- You can get couches made for a price point, though. You can get couches made for a price point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I got couches made. I got couches made. It ain't the worst thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, no, it's the inflation. The bank's failed. That's why your couch costs so damn much, alright? Jeez, alright? Alright? This is- oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, that's not the greatest ingredients, it's not the greatest breads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about your kids? Would that be crazy? Gosh, he had to, he had to stick with it for like a long time. That's a bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks like roast, he looks like roast Malone. It's a drumhead signed by, this is, we've talked about it on the pod. This is a drumhead signed by Christina Aguilera. I have no certificate of authenticity or anything to go with it. Authenticity. But I'm happy to give this away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, comment. Okay, that's cool. Uh, producers are the producers cool with that? Comment. Can they make that happen? A lot. And comment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely have done no research on this whatsoever. I don't know if it's real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody told me to fucking shave my shaft and they use scalpels and nobody taped my dick at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. If I were gonna still be, I'm sorry, I'm too old and not good enough to skate, alright? I can play pickle though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever tried to make sounds come out of it or is that just, uh, not something y'all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I saw this. Throw in shit. Throw in like, paper towels at people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paper towels, but they were kinda, I think it was paper towels or a football or something, but dude was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they did do the cauterization. We have to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's a hole. They didn't stitch it up. I don't even understand how this is working. This sounds really wrong. Sounds wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, Terz, the vasectomy has nothing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How does Forno do this? You can't stop horny, bro. You cannot stop horny. Once- Horny is the engine that always can. That's a universal engine. Yup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, we are. We are a f- we- yeah. Where'd we come from? We came from a comet. If it's the Big Bang, we came from a fucking comet. We exploded and mixed up, and then here we are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's, that brings up tryhard. Very good. What the fuck is this? Because what's wrong with being a tryhard? Dude, I, I would feel, yeah, I feel like I'm, this drives me kind of bonkers a little bit, but I totally understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I got it, I got it. I have the, I have the info. Kyle, Kyle's got it. I have the info, Adam. It's, they have one, they got one show. Kyle, you could open for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got one show, Saturday, July 8th, at the Libby Bowl in Ojai, California. Let's fuckin' rock, dude. Oh! We're goin'!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it still doesn't change that it, it was like effortless and cool to me when I was listening to it. It didn't feel like it was like, oh they're trying


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I willing to say that Dishwala is not as good as the band Nirvana? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who the fuck is that, right? Like, Blake, who is the, the artist? But isn't that what you like? Cause it's not pretentious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, no, hold up, hold up, hold up. No, no, this is just, this just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fell asleep outside? Not that day, but this was another day. Oh, oh, oh cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a compliment to America. We can go ahead and, and analyze, you know? We can analyze what is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might have lost her. I feel like this might be the, it's gonna pop this wall up. I feel like we're gonna pop em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a couple pair of Yeezys I never wore because they weren't really for me and then I was like, well, maybe someday and then now I'm like, eh, cool. Made some cash. Maybe never. Dude, uh, $40,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said it right. You said the correct word. You the sauce after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did see him on how to at John Wilson, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's stop. Let's go. Let's stop. Let's go. How do you know? You might not, you just might not be hearing the beginning of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's eating them. He's eating them and doing steroids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just didn't want kids to be like, he wanted to- You think kids are his target audience?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, the fucking- No, they're scared that once they get off the drugs, when they admit like, man, I did a bunch of drugs, I hope it wasn't that. Hey Blake, I'm with you, but that's- Just like when people get off steroids, they're like, I hope it wasn't the steroids. Guess what, homie? It was the steroids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I've seen pictures of you after P90X, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say this though, as far as like injury... So I will take tea. I'm gonna take tea. Yes, for injury prevention, I'm all about it. Testosterone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like for recovery and that kind of stuff, I love it. I wouldn't do steroids to like get humongous, but I would do it to know that like I can push my body to get into a certain amount of shape and not worry about like the muscles snapping, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have to do a shot to the butt or can this be administered any other way? Can this be like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't like needles. I don't like needles. I want any- What buddy is it? Text me. Who is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think, I think two things. I think when you're talking about in women in their thirties and men in their thirties, I think that's the case. I think women in their twenties are like, you gotta be in shape in your twenties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes! That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. If you have a body of a 30 year old in your 20s. Yea, but most women aren't 20.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The movie I haven't seen. Haven't. That a lot of people have seen is Grease. Oh, yeah. Oh god, that's a great- Yeah, I don't know if I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't need to be. Adam, Adam. How come you have roid rage? Let's go to the doctor together, Adam, and let's just get a consult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Adam, thank you for those checks, the checks you're sending. I appreciate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're my fans and my friends. I do think we should introduce each other as that to people from here on out. These are my friends? This is Adam, he's one of my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another night he was doing musical improv.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool. Honestly, I was like, right on, and you were like, yea I like it, and I was like, that's cool, I'm still a Fran.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so this lined up, in my mind I was like, oh, you've always been into this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes sense to me because I saw pictures of Kyle in high school and this dude... He was fucking cool, dude. Fuck. He had a look. He had a look. I know that he crossed over. You guys were kind of a crew, but he could step out, kind of mingle with the... I know the baseball players knew him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was crazy. When someone had a mustache in 7th grade and they were fucking like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just was so far removed from any world I was living in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the longest you've let your mustache ride, Blake? It comes in pretty thick. I have light hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, look, it's, it's a slippery slope, cause if you do the whole like using your jawline, then you come out of the fucking bathroom looking like Everlast and you're like, yeah, you look like fucking AJ from fucking Bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if we wore different clothes or like whatever, we'd just look like us. But if we put on the clothes of 25 year olds, it's gonna, it's gonna look weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you thirty? Oh yea, we were thirty. Were you ever thirty on Wargaholics?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, did I ever talk about how on the intern, uh, Nancy Myers was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Noticing how my beard was like patchy on one side and so they like used actual human hair to like fill in the dots. That's when it aired. Oh really? Yeah. And so then like I'm doing a kissing scene with Anne Hathaway and she's just like lucky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ate the liver with the, uh, those OC bros. It's a barbarian lifestyle! The Chad and JT dudes, and uh, they're like, we're on it, we're doing it, and I'm like, this is gross, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, it's, it's happening everywhere, in professional sports, like, you just know when to cycle on, you know when to cycle off, like. Well aren't there like, new shit coming out? Blake's right, we should just be like, yo, it is, people are doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, just a grab bag of Extends, tea, you know, whatever it takes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, just in case there's some sort of invasion or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should I watch? Is it worth watching? Greece.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was even like, that's the dude from White's Kids you know, right? You knew him from the back of his head? You see like his profile a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll let you know. I guess I gotta follow this up now because we are podcasting, so I'll let you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's how I kinda am too sometimes. It's about that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, happy Post Malone Thanksgiving. Cheers to that. Cheers to that. Here you go, cheers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they, or you could, could you shrink it down to just four? That's what I wish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a little pissed off at that because, you know, football's on at the same time and they kept saying like, up next, bumper. And like they, they said that really early in the parade. So we stuck on the channel. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Sean Paul, I would, I think I would take Sean Paul over Pitbull. I hate to say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Ders, you're coming in with some- yeah, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it wasn't Snoopy, it's just a balloon. No, but these are, these are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Contra Costa Times gave you a gift. Every year they would give you a pair of fingerless gloves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that your local newspaper? Contra Costa Times. Contra Costa Times. Kyle and I are from Contra Costa County, you know. Okay. That's where Concord is located and we delivered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know where that tradition started? Why they handed out a glove? Cause that's the only place I've ever been that has a drinking glove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Golden Glove, sir. The Golden Glove, baby. Was there bar merch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they even have merch there? I have a feeling a place like that would have very sick merch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like yeaah. Like I went to the gold room and all I got was this stupid Gucci shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, Bay Area Legend. What about, uh, what's that one? Joe Varvatos or whatever? Is that what it's called? John Varvatos! Is that one? Is that one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's rock, dude. That's so rock and roll. Yeah, I don't doubt. These are things I don't doubt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I went to the grocery store, I got hooked up with food. But they probably help you shoehorn a man. Dude, there's a total hookup at Ralph's this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's still hooking me up to this day. Oh dude. I'm getting those monthly hookups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't take it for granted. Adam, what suit did you wear on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I don't know what the unit of measure for a quarter of an inch is, but it sounds like a long way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did everybody get home or wherever to link up with family? Ders, did you see the?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm really, really butthurt about that. I hate that there is no friendsgiving in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a real reality check at this point. Like none of the homies stay up late at all. Like, like, especially being in like Concord or Walnut Creek, everything shuts down like 10 o'clock. It's a wrap, dude. Hey Blake, you know who to call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, the running is where Kyle gets rocked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my mom's dinner was gagging on the cock. Um, seeing my friends from high school, I was gagging on the cock. It was, it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is tough. The Thanksgiving parade's pretty sick. The whole freaking, yea, Thanksgiving, I think, Thanksgiving. Kyle's a huge Valentine's Day fan, isn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's also political. It's also a little political in there. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit is... Hard Rock getting at the pod. Yeaah. It's a headache city. A lot of seltzers besides Ashlyn give me headaches, so there's that. There is that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a really great night with Teddy, friend of the pod, got to get some chicken wings, delicious food. If you're out in Concord or the Contra Costa area, check out the Concord Tap House. It's a great spot to get a cold brew and watch a Warriors game or Sacramento Kings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gone from house husband to douchebag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wing is brought to you by Pro Meal Bar, Pro Bar Meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have. I have. I literally changed my shirt. Uhm. Okay. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About this podcast or like? No, no, no, no. About like acting. Cause I remember like, basically this. Basically this. Goodbye. Whatever set I'm on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost regardless, I'm having a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm never serious. Having a good time. I'm having as much fun as possible. I'm not like taking it too seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Haven't you been on set with people who are just like, serious? Anthony Hopkins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I'm not like, and there's nothing wrong with that, but like, or even doing like, um, like press, like the junket stuff, where like you sit on a couch with a co-star for five hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, together we're a match, but now that we've done it separately with other people, I've sat next to people who like, earnestly answer the questions about like, their character, and I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta keep it a hunnid. Love with Asperger's? Love on the Spectrum?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a great behind the scenes of, uh, my life on whatever night that was, Sunday night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't gotten any information about the car service to take me to the party tonight, and usually like, it's all set up, you get a car, they bring you, and like, that's your driver for the night. What did this bozo do? And he's like, uh, that's weird, didn't RSVP for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, uh, we got a sitter, Emma just got a hair blown out, I have like a fuckin' suit hanging in my closet, ready to go, like, she has a dress that she's ready to rock, and I'm like, we have a dinner reservation beforehand, we're going out, please figure this out. Yeah, it's a whole night, yes. Bro, we got several children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was touch, it was touch and go for a little bit and then, uh, he made it happen, so. So you got in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, you, you should've. You fucking blew it, dude. Yeah. And he, by the way, I was somewhere like our generation. He's like the next generation. There's a bunch of young people there now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a good time. It was a good time. Uh, saw a bunch of folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent. But so this party is usually sponsored by a few people who kind of, uh, throw it all together and this year 50 Cent was one of the sponsors. Okay. And so he performed, which was amazing and I guess Snoop Dogg got up there with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure it went off, but my man- my man- at this point my manager was still, uh... Did he bring out all of G-Unit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I guess FX had a party the night before the Emmys, cause that's what Kyle was at before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And don't forget, don't forget, dinners at 5 o'clock, 5.15.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about this experience on the red carpet, where like, you go to, you're like doing a legit publication, legit publication, like getting interviewed, and then you go, you're like, alright, like Cleveland tornado news? Sure. And like, you can tell that they don't have their shit together, but you're like, whatever, I'm here, I'll do it, like, let's go. And then mid interview,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just see them eyeballing, like, another more famous person next to you, and they're like, uh, like, wrap it the fuck up, and you're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as soon as she said it, I was like, yeah, people just seemed off their communication game. My conversations were weirder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like alright, we want to ensure the party and then also like kind of show that we're still caring about the people who care. Uhm, which is cute. That's very cute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've come to the place where I'm like, I feel bad for anybody out there rocking a mask by themselves alone, walking outside. Cause I'm like, oh, they're like trapped by their own fears. Outside of people who are like genuinely have like a thing where like if they get COVID they know they're fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when I see people still super masked in a place where like you don't need to, I'm kind of like, bummer, bummer that you're that, living in that fear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And then by the way, you get COVID and then you're in the clear for a few months. So production secretly is like, great, perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's outside on the grassy knoll. Whatever. Uh, it was good. It was good. Missed Fitty, but that would've been nice. Yeah, that's fu-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he gives off a vibe. I don't think he's got that, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just doesn't, I don't, either way, women or men, I don't think he's like an object of... He's too asexual? Sexuality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'm looking at this. Apparently he did it in Jumanji, but it was like a comedy bit, where he's like looking her face or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't think it's, I'm like, I respect it. I go, yeah, okay, fine, if that's what you want to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I think that this people in this position don't take those roles. I think they pass on those roles. And I think he's talked about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what's it called, uh, Captain America the other day? I was like, oh yeaah, this dude's been in everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, Adam, Adam, I'm sorry, Adam, Victor Von Fries, Adam, Victor Von Fries. Hey, yeaah, I guess that's his name, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, have you thought about doing like CGI headshots with different hair to be like, this is what it could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, outlaws. Cause it seems like it's a lot of work to always have it positioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quick question. Okay, go ahead. And Blake, this might help you... Make your grandma! Figure it out. Make your grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very kind of kinky, long, curly-ish hair, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we think he chemically straightens his hair now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, okay, so but, so by the way, if Blake's hair is that long, is it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but I'm just wondering, his hair looks very straight now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kinda did when it was long. Blake, I know. Also, relax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What that's I'm saying is like, chemically perm- perm that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's too many hair set pieces that we've raised. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you really think it was an era? Do you think anyone...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of schedules, I'm going to leave in five minutes. Do you guys want to keep going without me? Or do we want to wrap it up right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think anybody's gonna like take the risk of like casting Blake against type? Because let's face it, like that's a prejudice to be like, well there wouldn't be a lawyer with hair like that. And like, couldn't there be a lawyer with hair like that today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, although I explained the movie to my 8 year old and he goes, wouldn't that be better as like a short sketch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Wile E. Coyote versus Acme. And so it's like, are we allowed to even talk about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know if I did it, but the, essentially like, he gets hit by an anvil or something, or he's constantly, you know, he's constantly getting hit by these things made by acne, acne, uh, so then he sues acne and it becomes this huge class action lawsuit law movie about cartoons and like a shitty lawyer. I think it's gonna be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet there's a lawyer that looks like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, why don't you just write the DUI Lawyer movie to get yourself out of- Surf Lawyer. Surf Lawyer to get yourself out of the box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go off. Did you guys hear Elon Musk?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about Ted Danson's bachelor pad. Whatever porno does,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. You can't just deny the role that you've carved out for yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're fucking Cheetos. Yeah, yeah. Long story. Kyle, what were you saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, he's so, I know, I don't know what his deal is right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my back's fucked. I fucked my back yesterday morning again, man. Guys, Adam has another parade. Shut up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, no, that's Molly. That's Molly, right? That's fuckin', uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Serotonin is a happiness. It's yeah, it's serotonin was a tennis player at my high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't think about this when they were scheduling it. The scheduling is a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the weird part about testing. It's very chaotic because when you get to that level, everybody who is testing needs to get their fucking deal done before they test. And it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To New York that day, and I had to do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the Muppets got a Hollywood, Muppets got a Hollywood track though, I guarantee it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, not mad at that. Okay, not bad. What good Charlotte is it giving you? What co- Yeah, play some of the Charlotte, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's uh, is it the little things or something? Is that the song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cameron Diaz is a movie star. Cameron Diaz is in the mask, bro. That's her first movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the Good Charlotte song, the Good Charlotte song is, Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous. Of the Rich and Famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. Oh wait, what? But Uncrustables are what? Oh, Adam, Adam got RAGED. Oh no, Adam got unplugged!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen people who don't even fucking, they don't even heat these things up, they just fucking eat them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah, Uncrustables still contains hydrogenated oils.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They promote obesity. No, none of this stuff is good for you. Mono and di-glycerides that are not good for one's diet. It says it right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for example, azotocarbonamide. Dude, they, peanut butter and jelly also has all that shit too. Can cause allergic and respiratory reactions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The trans fat? Well, that's peanut. Uh, okay. The trans fat in the Uncrustables promotes obesity. Are you coming for peanuts now, dude? I'm not coming for peanuts. I'm not coming for peanuts. No sir, no sir. I don't think that is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that is peanuts. I think Blake's saying you can be allergic to peanuts as well. Yes. Let me see your peanuts. Yes. Yeah, which of course, but this is probably worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, any of that stuff that's like, any of that stuff that's uh, staying alive in the freezer, I don't think can be, it's not good for you, right? It's like, processed and alive? Who cares?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really just like, I can get everything on there. Okay, I will. That's kinda what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually am turning into like, when I travel, I kind of pack what I eat. Like no, like I bring it with me. I bring a food bag now. You will pack. I bring like a food bag so that I'm not like completely all over the place. I have at least like the consistent. What are you packing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you eat slices of it, you cut it into little coins and you pop it or you just bite into it? No dude, I eat this sh- I eat it like a berry. It's like a big berry to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you- and don't you just eat a whole? But don't you eat a whole blueberry? And you eat like, uh, don't you do that? Do you eat a whole?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got eight of them out there though. I got eight of them. I got some yellow golds and some regular fuzzies. And I'm sure you do. I'm sure you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bars. Okay, I bring, I bring bars. I bring whether they're like, yeah, I do that. These like aloha bars. Okay, shout out aloha. Or like some, the fucking egg, you know, the, the, just protein bars. Whatever I got in the closet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you got? What do you got? Okay. Tell us the chips, tell us the chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got a slicer in it, so you can, it creates two bowls just by closing it. This is fantastic. That's pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know it's not all, you're leading off with all the healthy stuff. If it's bad thing, it's gonna be, it's gonna be, like if it's a road trip or something. I know, you're a chip boy. You're a chip boy. I'm a hummus boy and a chip boy and a salsa boy. I'll do that if it's a road trip. Is hummus bad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's not a go to cause I don't bring that when I fly, you know, but I do bring fucking. Yeah, that would be crazy. So anyway, Kiwis bruh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying this is all I eat. No, this is just snack. I'm saying this is what I'm packing with. Adam is going in. So you're packing- You only pack- I'm saying this is what I'm pack- Show us what you're packing. I'm saying this is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, it's basically, sometimes if I'm there for like a week or whatever, I'll bring four days worth of stuff or three days, just in case I need to fucking, you know, handle. But I know I'm going to go out and get it for weight stuff. What is stuff food?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like if I, if I'm there for a weekend, I'm pretty much bringing my own food cause I'm not, but at least bringing my items. But if I'm there for longer, I will go out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it would always be in the- it'd be in the pool or whatever. I feel like I jumped in the pool with my phone a lot in my twenties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, but- I'm not trying to gaslight you bro, but that's fucking crazy dog. But now we have the cloud, right? So it's not really a huge deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well now if you lose your phone and you really don't know where it is. That sounds a little more whoop-wap than what I pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you text back within 15 minutes to your significant other? Like you're always texting back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I'm on this too, like where it's like, fuck it all, call my ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I'll walk into life on Reed because you know I fucking saw it. I don't have- I'm not gonna get back to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yep, okay. Wait, what are you talking about, Blake? This goes way back to his naked grandma. Huh? What instance? Yeah, what are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, oh, really? About, uh, yeah, that place fucking rocks. Yeah, I know, that's so sad. I had a moment there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's correct. That's correct. It's on Ventura right next to the baked potato.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly! Exactly! I'm so sorry, but that's why I have it on scene in red, because I want people to know-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when I'm texting so much with my wife about kids and stuff and it's just like, all day. All day. You're thinking, you're using scene? At a certain point, I just need her to know that I saw that shit, so it's like- But you're using scene as what Adam's talking about with the little thumbs up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I did for so long, I don't live my life like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. And obviously, obviously those are better than just the scene, obviously, but I think the scene still validates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that person who ever saw it is probably just like distracted on some other fucking thousand text message chain that's like fucking A and then forgot because we're all splintered as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, also you can reply to the text, which is really nice. That's good. The independent ones, if it's a chain, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, that's what the, that's what the, oh wow. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But isn't that the whole point of AI? People who are experimenting with AI know this is a fucking thing that's gonna happen. It will go crazy and we're still pushing it. So like, we don't care. We don't care if AI gets reached out there. We don't give a fuck. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that was like, so wait, Kyle, are you for it or against it? Cause you were like, I'm all in on AI. And then you were like, no, no, no, I'm just, I'm just like, not. I was kind of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna change Hollywood. It's gonna fuck with the way that we do shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a great question. That's a great question. I'm sure people are experimenting with it right now. I don't know if there's been any that are done with it, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think you will, I think that's gonna, that's gonna be the game though, with humans. The game is gonna be making this art that is obviously not AI. Yeaah. That could only be made by a human. We don't know how to do that yet, but that is going to be the fucking race.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] AI probably can do us. AI can do us. AI can do, uhm, can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Software where it's creating people's voices because they have a lot of audio data out there that it can grab from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could make- I bet people can make us say some fucked up shit just based on our tones that AI is already listening to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe. I don't think AI could come up with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the weird things though? Yeah, is it the Waterslide Park episode?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the weird things though is like, the state of the industry is like, we're already doing all these algorithmic based choices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like they're all based on, on algorithms like this person has this draw, this person has that draw, and then even with the studio systems writing the screenplays,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all, everybody's gotta put their fuckin' advice into these screenplays that it already kinda feels a little AI-esque. Watered down. It feels like we're already doing this. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's nothing to be afraid of, we're just, we're already in it. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna start making stronger choices that, that say like, you know, this is a human that's doing this for an artistic purpose. It's not a robot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100%. That's going to be a marketing tool for. Yeah. And they're going to have the worst movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they'll be good. No, they won't. They're gonna be better than the robot movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. No, I mean like, do they exist like, from a visual level, say, make me a porno, that is this, is there an AI algorithm that will make you a porno? No, but visual, from a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, without any- Yes. What do you think, Avatar? Like, you- Well, I don't think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think ten years, ten years. In two years, no, I didn't say that you can't tell that it's fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not what I'm saying when I put the two years in it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they'll be able, this AI, but this is the thing, this AI will be able to grab any porno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Financially, no, but like in 10, 20 years it'll be cheaper. It's not going to take that much money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What AI will do, AI will scan the pornos that already exist, put new faces, new bodies on top of it, and make whatever porno you want with the same moves. New faces? That's actually an aggregate of the porno moves from all pornos. Is it real? It'll put it together like that for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's terrible. Yucky, yucky. Cause then we had to drive an hour to get to where we were and we were filming outside so we needed that daylight. Oh god. Daylight dependent bitch. Chasing daylight. And then I just got on that clock where I was like, didn't have to wake up and then woke up at four like, ready to rock! Where's my rock?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nemo's the kid with the one little flipper. I don't know, I just listening to like this anxious dad for an entire movie. Who was played by, uh, what's his name, Bob, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell me I was a good man. When they cut to the old him. So tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they cut to a different guy. This handsome, regal, old, blue-eyed beauty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me do the, the Paul Rudd, where the eyes go like this. You know, they go like, they slant downwards, like that kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's trackers, there has- Yeah, let's not just say Bird, let's talk about all the brands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has Olivia Munn, like, just denounced her G4 background? Does she even kinda look back or you think she's just moooved on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, she knew that and was like, I'ma slide in here. Do you think she's got a sick G4 tat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She should get one of those, like, uh, a nerdbaiter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact that you pulled Devon, you're like, I'll definitely be Devon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, mamp actually means mountain that cascades into water. And just kinda turns into mud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't rap battle like, uh, making up new stuff, but they go like, hit for hit. So it's like, out of the gate they'll be like, oh, this was like my number three hit, then the other person will do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're- So anyway, you guys exchanged numbers and what? Cool voice, uh, yeaah, he's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do degrees work? I thought like third degree is, like a third degree burn is worse than a first degree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'll start dressing like, uh, who's the creator of the weird, uh, Gilmore Girls and of, uh, Marvelous Mrs. Maisel who wears, like, straight up, like, tops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were like, okay, and by the way, for people listening, you're just in some room off some street with a lady and a person with a camera. And then you transform into this thing for two minutes and then you go and you go, hey, do you guys validate parking? Cause I'm on the street. Okay, don't forget it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying they got that, they got the skill set in the bloodline there, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, when you say prepared to improv, have you, did you already go, did you already have like two or three bits that you were like, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna take this line and do that, or like legit improv like off the cuff then and there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I definitely have a casting director who is huge and casts everything that I fuck up every audition for. Just generally, I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I didn't nail that one. Nope. And there's movies that I do want, and other movies that I'm like, it would just be good to be in this one, but I don't like, love it or need to be in it. But every time, I'm just like, I can't do this. And I even tell her, I'm like, I'm back, even though I know every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry if we're recording this one or not, this one's for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. We should, we gotta text him, we'll text him, uh. Well, the Emmys aren't tonight. They're Monday. But by the time this airs or whatever. Yeah, it will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got my 10,000 hours and then cum. Funny anal cream pie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, I'm talking about my other podcast called, uh, Isn't that something? Ain't that something? Isn't that something? The joke is that like, the most of the stuff we talk about isn't something. It's like, yeaah, so. Isn't that something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was he Italian? Just Leo. Was he Italian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He found, you know what I mean, he found it on himself. This whole time, why do you, his name is Leo, not Leonardo. You can extract Leonardo out of that, right? Can't you just... No, Leo isn't a name. Leo is not a name, it's always short for Leonardo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not. It's short for Leon. It's short for all sorts of stuff. You're saying they're just chopping off one letter. They're chopping off an N. I don't think Algar's name... Is that unheard of? I'm trying to think of another name that does it. Yeah, I think Leo could be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, why do you keep saying that? Week to week? I have, well, look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's fine. It's fine. Go ahead. You can lay into me. The cartoon was first. The cartoon was way first. What do you mean first? Before the movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And since it's just- I think he sold him his act, and then, like, he kept doing it past the- There was a deal in place, I believe. Go ahead. Oh, okay. It's all so weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all so weird. Yeah, I wish I knew more about this. Because they looked so similar, right? They both looked very much the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just for clarity, clarification, Gallagher got the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie made. Okay, so it was the movie. I don't know, but I'm at least zeroing in on that. I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the only clear thing about what you were saying before. Yeah, what do you mean? Well, no, Blake said, Blake said cartoon and I said I wasn't sure about cartoon or not. I wasn't sure which one it was. No, no, no, no. I wasn't saying Gallagher got the cartoon made. I said it wasn't rocket science to make a movie because there was already a humongous hit cartoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a fucking disaster, my guy. You're a disaster, my guy. Are you trying to dig on me? Cause that's falling right off me, bro. That's going straight to Gallagher in the grave, man. You're saying what he did was nothing. No, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm coming at you, brother. Gallagher's gone. You're in my sights right now. Okay? But that's not even directed at me. You're saying what Gallagher did wasn't shit. And why does that affect me? Are you trying to just yeet this off your plate here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's rough. It's rough to hear, and I wanna make sure that we're clear on what's happening. I would never do that. I would never do that. Well, we're clear alright. We're clear. Okay, good. Thank you, Anders. I trust that. I trust that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so yea, I don't know how he did it, but he did it. This is unbelievable. Our producers just sent us an article and the headline is G true Hollywood story, as in like Gallagher, but like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a whole network dedicated to Gallagher and we're just figuring it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna- That's what it sounds like. It's done!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree with you except for one pair of the wave runners are sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm saying that they like, I'm saying that they're not dumb, they like bad shoes. That's what Adam's saying, Adam's on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weird thing about hanging onto the designs and still selling them is that the kids who still rock with Kanye are like, well now the name's not on them so they're not as cool. And then the people who don't rock with them are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were designed under his name originally, so I'm not gonna buy them. So no one's gonna buy them. What are they doing? So why not just cease production and start on something else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I just- Cause they like the money. They like the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They will. They will. I don't think it's gonna- It's not a strong move. No. Yeah, I don't think they're gonna do it. I don't think they're gonna make the shoe anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I gotta s- I gotta see it to believe it. They could do another announcement. They love announcements.