[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, they will lose it over time, I believe. The material on the disk will degrade. Which is why they use magnetic tape for very long term storage. A lot of big banks and big organizations still use magnetic tape because it lasts a long time and it doesn't fail. So you just have to hope it's all backed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dysfunction. It's like erectile dysfunction, but for facts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I, when I, uh, when I went to- Why don't you go fax yourself, uh. Go fax yourself. Fax off. For Mrs. F's bonus one year at one of the companies she was working at, uh, they didn't have any money to give away as a bonus, so they treated us to, um, a meal at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant in Chelsea. Uh, and this was like- Did it not cost any money? Huge deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean basically they couldn't afford like a full bonus. So her boss said, look, just go to the restaurant and I'll pay for it. That was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to put down a deposit and you had to fax them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I thought, why would you fucking have to fax it? Who has a fax machine? I realize it's to keep the riff-raff out, isn't it? Because if you live...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hand to mouth, relatively poor, and you're gonna nip in, shove Gordon Ramsay's food down your face, and then run out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It worked though, because it was packed and it was, it was a really good meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, if you invoice someone and you're a company, especially the bigger the company, how quickly would you expect to be paid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, how come I'll do work for an organization, even some fairly big ones, and it's like three or four months?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't get it, they've got the fucking money. Pay. The fucking bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did open all hours as well. So these are all shows that were banned in my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to watch some keeping up appearances, uh, you need to play some poker and tell me if you won or lost and if you felt like it was a game of chance or if it was a game of skill. You need to try and find some natural resources for the people of Scotland to utilize to enrich themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you have a problem, this is the new topic for the next mailbag. Please send in your problems. Don't make them all toilet-involved, okay? And, you know, try to keep them broad. And broad-minded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, let's do that right now. In fact, Tom, you don't need to even change anything. This is the intro to the podcast now, with the marks. This is for you. This one? Yes, that is the intro, because I want people to know what Tom has to put up with, and how tyrannical Lewis is about the marks, and doing them correctly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, speaking of these cereal types, I, I, I was, uh, I noticed I had a pop up on my TikTok, uh, messages to say that I was followed by Dorset Cereals. Nice. Which is a brand of cereal I have purchased and enjoyed. Why the fuck are they following my stupid TikTok?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, because this is, I was reading about this today, I realized by the time this goes out, the queue may have died down, so apologize if it's not. Well I don't think she'll be lying in status.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she has to stay there until the queue dies down. She's gonna be there for years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a question for you. Do you think the amount of sort of control, obviously, that there's been around pretty much every other major royal, uh, but we never hear anything about the Queen, do you think that's just because there's, it's like, it is assumed that whatever she does just gets swept under the rug? Like, completely?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I do have a question actually, and I would like, if anyone wants to, to email in, because, uh, Sips, uhm, Lewis and I were saying beforehand, we've got a lot of emails for, in the mailbag, so I thought we might do a mailbag episode today, because we got some good ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of the things I would like to know is, I've been reading some stuff about people blaming the queen


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And saying that she has blood in her hands and stuff like that for the colonial policies that happened on her watch as it were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like she's like, actually has much authority.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just curious, when people criticise the rulers for being out of touch and costing us money and what the fuck do we still have this for, I get all that, I understand all of those criticisms, I am completely ambivalent either way. Like, when the queen died we were actually filming something, and I was like, oh, the queen's died, we went, oh. And then got back with work, right, when we got on with our jobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like, it was weird, and it was obviously a big news story, and I understand my mum was very upset, I understand people who were very upset, I'm not judging any of that. I'm just saying, what exactly could or should the Queen have done when she's not actually like a Crusader Kings style monarch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean the most we've heard lately apart from heard dying was Prince Andrew being a nonce. Like that's about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She never shuts up about it. She's on fucking, on Facebook I see her messages on all these articles about it. She fucking hates them. And like, I was like, what are you doing? Like, what have they actually done?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of your previous correspondents, or definitely a listener, might have been an ex-boyfriend of mine, and she wanted to say hello to Tom the geologist. Tom the geologist was an email that we read out. However, Hannah works in forensic and criminal justice, so if we have any questions,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About justice, the justice system and criminal justice, we can ask, ask Hannah. We have a new segment on the show called Ask Hannah. So do you guys have any pending questions about criminal and forensic justice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a, here's a, here's an actual sort of legal question as well, uhm, that you might have some experience with. How often are criminal cases resolved by a deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, yeaah. Alright, we got a next email here. This is from AwfulPlayer. So, uh, they're in the right place. Um, this is an American lad did jury duty, uh, says that their experience was different because they were given printouts of the legal definition of all the crimes they were being asked to rule on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Criminally because it relies on average people to make very important legal distinctions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine how much stock you would put into the opinion of some random stranger you might meet in a bar, then put a group of those people together, let them decide one of the most important things that could probably happen to you. I would say a solid 80-90% of candidates tried to get out of jury duty, with most reasons involving I'm really busy or I just don't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It came down to a distinction between intent to do harm versus accidental harm. We had seven members, six primaries, and a hidden alternate who was let go before final deliberations. I would say out of the seven, five have made up their minds almost immediately. When it came to final deliberations, four basically decided already,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But myself and another person insisted we at least do one last review. We did end up finding the defendant guilty of the harsher crime, but most of the jury wasn't really that interested in having a thorough review of the evidence. They just wanted it to be done so they could go home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would really wanna see the process and wanna be involved in it and try to make as good a decision as possible. But most people, you know, they don't give a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it might have just been a bad jury that the guy was on, the person who emailed in. It might just have been a bad jury. It might have just been one of those times when it sucks. But I read a book, it's called Homicide, A Year on the Killing Streets. Yes, that gets a great


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The TV series and then the wire and all the rest of it. So very interesting. And in there, the police, um, talk about the fact that you can have everything in place for a conviction and the jury just goes, nah, we, we just don't think so. And they just acquit or the guy is literally clearly didn't do it. And the jury is like, yeah, we just think he did it. And the guy goes down for it. So it just looks,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Random. And the jury is like the worst part of the justice system. And I think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hannah to confirm, obviously, our legal expert standing by, but I'm pretty sure that most people that were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the legal profession would agree, I would, I would assume that the worst element of any trial is the jury.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dealing with the jury is the most fucking coin flip element and honestly just a fucking bag of, bag of cats. Yeah, it's like a game, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what do they call it? Do they call it voie dure? I think they call it voie dure, which is like jury selection. Because in the States, you can come in and ask the jurors questions and say, we want this guy out of here. And you eventually settle on 12 people that are sort of, that you both agree on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that's like, what the fuck? And then their, their personal bias might come in to the sentencing decision and stuff like that. So having...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twelve, twelve people, however many are on the jury, uh, decide things in a way, since the law is based around reasonable suspicion and being a reasonable doubt, you have to assume that between twelve people, hopefully, the reasonableness would average out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like 99% of fucking court cases are probably simple, straightforward, legal shit around things like driving offences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So was this something that you, you felt like your doctor was like, we need an MRI scan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've done this for a decade, uh, and they say that e-scooters are the bane of their life. Because the number of people that have had devastating brain injuries from these scooters is unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he hadn't wiped yet, so he was just sat on the toilet with nothing else to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if, as he liked your reply, his poo hit the water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that? Well, if you let me read the fucking email, you'll find out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus Burnley were an unpopular club due to their traditional ground and spoiler tendencies. Much like shitty Bournemouth. But because they pass the ball a bit and are in the south, they don't get slated. This is from Lewis the Pompifan. PS, scumhampton and irrelevant Bournemouth. Both 9-0 embarrassments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you just think it's ironic, oh, this is proper football, I prefer this. Now that you're so fucking far from Premier League and you're dump of a town and dump of a ground and shithole team are nowhere near the Premier League now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that awful, gurgling, slightly painful stomach turn where you think, ah, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck me. Oh man. Alright, we got, we got time for a couple of quick emails. This is from Alex. Uh, we talked about call centering, being in a call centre, working from home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, y'all are right. Thanks Alex for referring to us as y'all, I love that. The calls do just come in. You get a beep, you better get ready to talk, most days you swamp from start to end of shift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, I can imagine dragging your kids to stand in a queue for that length of time. I'm gonna say it. That's bad fucking parenting right there. I'm sorry, but that is bad parenting. Don't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not kidding, but you can't put President Biden in a fucking bus. Like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's one to end on, a light-hearted one, uh, but one that I think I would like to hear Sips' take on this, I know what mine is. It's from Bradley, uh, this question applies more to period than sips. Apologies, Lewis. You often talk about your attraction to other women and say things like, big bazongas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've often wondered what your wives must think when they hear things like this from the room over. As a 25 year old, if my girlfriend heard me talk about other girls and their bazongas, I'd likely not have a functioning penis. Huge fan and cheers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I've certainly, I've been with Mrs. F since 1995, so 27 years we've been together. Uh, she has heard me refer to bazongas so many times over the years, and luckily she's a confident woman who is assured by the fact that we have been together for 27 years that me talking about other women's bazongas is meaningless drivel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not, I'm not like elbowing Mr. Simpson. No. Ugh, love, look, look at that bird's chebs over there. Look at the fuckin' chebs on her. Like, no. No. It would be a comment that we would make either as a joke or in person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's all perfectly balanced and normal, but for some people even noticing that someone else is attractive or has a large pair of tits is like, oh my god, that's so inappropriate. So I think some people are kind of quite repressed and terrified of noticing other human beings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just you. No, it's fair enough. It's nice that you get a personal email just to you. No it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've caught a chill, I've been rained on, I'm run down, I'm weakened, my immune system is, I've not been looking after myself, that's what it is I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they had the marks of, their little marks of love though, those things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we talk about this on the podcast? I can't remember. For some reason, loads of people I was hanging out with started talking all about their love language.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's this thing called love language which, which you're supposed to be a specific archetype. Oh right. What makes you fall in love with people or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How people express their love for someone. And it's kind of this slightly bogus-y ideas, but the five are compliments, like words of affirmation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, some people love that and some people love giving that, so it's different. Spending quality time, that's the second one. The next one is receiving and giving gifts, which is interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's, I don't think it's trying to force people to do something different, but I think the basically that he says that in order to discover someone else's love language, you must observe the way they express love to others.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is all bollocks. This is all bollocks, and I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it. He may be a cuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there is a lot of people who have, are unhappy in their relationships, but they're staying together for the kids or they want to stay together, but they've got distracted by something either, some sort of negative hobby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like, I dunno, just watching too much porn or God knows what it is, right? That's caused them to fall out of love with each other. And therapy and couples counseling is a thing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely an element of that p flex. You shouldn't try and be fake to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are, like, give us an example of some- I wanna find out what your love line, or your- you think your love language might be, according to this book, right? Give me an example of something that you do loving to your- to your wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like, a lot of people say their partner is their best friend as well, and I think that that is definitely something that I've


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Experienced as well, um, with my most recent relationship, but I think that was quite hard, um, to process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, you know, falling out of love with someone, but still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being very, uhm, good friends with them. I think it's, it's hard to, I think, yeah, it's definitely nice. It's, it's, I think some of the things you said, Sips, was really nice. Like, you know, that they won't judge you or be critical of you. You know, I think that's definitely a red flag when you see these people in relationships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's a bit of a mirror here, right? Like I think you, you obviously like the love language thing. I think you project your own insecurities onto other people and assume that that, you know, just cause maybe you don't like other people, they don't like you. I think like I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see why, and certainly I know a lot of people and there are reasons why I wouldn't like them, but I don't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that I, there's many people in real life that I dislike actually at the moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm very trust, I think I am very trusting and I, I always try and assume the best of people or at least, at least like to the point where, you know, even like a negative Twitter or a negative tweet or a negative YouTube code, some people can't help but rise to that fire and they, they read the worst into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read that that person is stupid or a child or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or a stupid child. Or yeaah. Like, or it's a bad joke. Or it's something I've done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the way we talk to each other, oftentimes, you know, people talk to me in the way that I talk to Duncan and Simon and joke with people like that. And, and obviously it's inappropriate like to do in person, but I never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm definitely overly trusting of people. I think I, I really do like give people the benefit of the doubt and it's led


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even that, that is, is they should have known better or, you know, they let their, they let their animal urges or whatever get the best of them. You know what I mean? I feel like in a sense it was more that they were just, again, a bit


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, forget that we used to be able to forgive people, but now, you know, uhm, everything you do and everything you tweet is written down and just there forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking forward to it, but take this with a pinch of salt, because people always exaggerate their stories to make them sound better, and then they tell those stories again and again, and then they eventually become corrupted, and they think that they've made that version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Sure. I mean, I think there's an element of that in everyone, right? Certain, certain childlike imagination. But also I think there's this kind of slightly addictive thing when someone is paying attention to you and they're like wrapped and they're like hanging on your every word. Exactly, yeah. There's this allure to like carry on going and this is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you make someone laugh, then you don't want to stop. You want to just keep, you know, it's, it's kind of this addictive thing, right? Uhm, it's this high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're absolutely right about stories getting better the older they get, so me and Simon...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went out this week for the first time in like five or maybe even like like seven or eight years. Like Simon and I are obviously very close friends, but we see each other about one afternoon a week where we hang out and do a podcast and chat about stuff. And it's about the right amount we can both handle of each other. You know, um, it's like we're not, we haven't got a lot in common.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Simon, um, had been telling me for some time, this is very unusual, had actually been communicating with me and saying, you know, Oh, you know, make sure you're free on Sunday at six 30. And so you, you know, warn me a week before, then he warned me the day before and then he warned me the day of, you know, as if I was like not going to turn up, but he wouldn't tell me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I was going to do with him, right? What we were going to do together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I turn up outside his place. Um, and it's in, it was, we went to the Bristol tobacco factory, which is a theater, old, like kind of old, very hipstery theater, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Brian blessed was doing a charity sort of evening with Brian blessed. So 80 minutes of him talking, basically kind of very unscripted. He's done a few of them before across the country for raising money for these Nepalese charities that he's involved with because you know, he's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's been up, he's been to Nepal quite a few times and he was actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sort of had this meandering, he's 86. Uhm, and he's got this huge, huge history. He was obviously in theatre and film for a lot of his life, but he became this adventurer. He walked the North Pole. And one of his stories was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was walking, and I know I shouldn't tell this because it's his story, right, but I feel like this is an example I'm using here. One of his stories is, he was walking to the north, and the eight minutes was peppered with things exactly like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable story. He was walking to the North Pole, okay, uh, as the oldest man ever to walk to the North Pole. He was 73, um, and he was with his little group and he was walking across the ice, the Magnetic North Pole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's this like rumbling and this sort of cracking and this sort of humming and it's like, what the fuck's going on? And.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the right of them, the ice starts cracking and breaking and it's a fucking red October, Russian icebreaker comes out, submarine comes out of the ice, right? And surfaces, uhm, and obviously they've spotted these guys on the, on the, you know, on, I don't know, satellite or something. They've seen them. So the Russians get out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they come over and, um, they sort of talk to their, these guys and one of them who's the officer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, you know, he says, says, looks at Brian, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you, could you say Gordon's alive? Um, and so Brian has to like, it's like, it's like, imagine you're getting recognised by the Russian guy. Can you sing Diggy Hole for me? Exactly, it's like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's obviously an absolutely banging story. Um, and I, I almost, it's almost too good to believe, right? If it wasn't coming from him, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's almost, it's almost too good. And there's, there's so many other ones like that. Like he's met, you know, these incredibly famous characters. He went to Bristol school. So he had spent a lot of time talking about how he was at the old Vic Bristol theater and Peter O'Toole was his friend. Uh, you know, obviously a famous, famous actor and how they would


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bully John Gilgud and like slap his arse and like jump out on him and stuff. And he met Agatha Christie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And of course Agatha Christie, incredibly famous as well. And he told a story about how Agatha Christie told him she had to get this custom pair of knickers made so that she didn't shave her ass on all the camels she was riding in the Egyptian, you know, excavations that she was going on with her, you know, 15 years younger than her husband kind of thing. So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So their sex life wasn't interrupted by the chafing or whatever. It was very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was, uh, and obviously he was in Star Wars, he was in, he's in everything, he's done everything. He was in Star Wars. He was in, he met, you know, George Lucas told him he was fucking boring apparently. Oh. And you know, he had to spice it up. So he was, yeah, he was, he was boss Nass in the- He was the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. So he's done, he's done all sorts of stuff, right? But one thing that, that triggered me was, and Simon like looked around at me at this point, because we were just having a good time, uh, he was talking about how he loves space. He kept going back to space. And I guess cause he's an explorer. I love space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck me man. So it was a wonderful, wonderful time. A very, I mean he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Brian takes himself very seriously, as you all have to, but he's also aware that he's someone who's basically said yes to everything for the past 50 years, and as a result has done a ludicrous melange of garbage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that's a, that's a thing you will know for, but yeah, obviously, uh, just so interesting and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also weird. He's a character, right? One of these old British eccentrics. He's very unique. There's no one quite like him. And you know, he's, I think it's his sort of old theatre background and this, this very, this idea of his booming voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's full of memes too, right? Like, you know, people meet him and they're like, oh, do the Gordon's alive. You know, it's very, um, almost like a, it's a one hit wonder with a couple of these things. So yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you met- Sarah Tock. Sarah Tock. Yogg Tock, from-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TikTok. So Simon and Sarah were like, this will be hilarious. Let's enter the competition. Let's make some dumb stuff. So they did. They submitted it. And of course they were the only person who submitted anything. So they won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the prize was to visit the Jaffa factory and see where the Jaffa cakes were made, which is obviously very funny to us, but also something we really want to do, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and obviously the competition is really designed for a taste master, right? The idea is to find some kid or someone in some eccentric weirdo in Britain. It's on TikTok, right? So you're looking for a kid really who is, who loves Jaffa cakes and wants to go and see how they're made in the factory, right? And it's a nice day out for him and stuff. Anyway, of course we want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we won it because we had the most views. There were like one or two entries by actual kids and they got no views, so they didn't win it. Maybe they would have done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I felt a bit bad about that, but not that bad. But obviously it was like, cause, cause Sarah and Simon and the Yogscast had won it. Like who gets the prize, right? Who gets to go? It's like one person. So we talked to the guy, the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guys, they were like, well look, you know, Simon doesn't want to come down to drive across to Leicester or wherever the Java factory actually is, you know. Why? Well, Simon doesn't travel very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not Brian Blessed, he doesn't just say yes to things. Anyway, we basically arranged it so it would be the local, the flagship store in the Bristol area, that we'd go there, and uhm, because they'd make all the Jaffa


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it became this kind of slightly odd, not awkward, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had to, we were both treading quite carefully about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, not, not saying anything bad about Krispy Kremes, but not, also not just promoting it and not doing everything they, you know, not, not just completely going down the marketing spiel route, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we tried to be authentic as possible while being polite and while being nice. Cause they were very nice people, you know, this nice lady came down from head office who was obviously head of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel bad for those executives who have to, you know, be sent from head office to run some country, you know, some country's presence there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] GDC or anywhere. Anytime when I'm at the shops, I'm just thinking, man, I, I could just not be doing this right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I do, I do. I want to be reassured that if I do have to do it, I won't be scared off. Cause I think a lot of people talk about these things in a way that, um, I think my dad had a similar thing. I think he had a prostate biopsy as well and he was, he was like, oh, it wasn't as bad as I thought. No, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'd, I think I'd get a bonus on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're also deeper down the, the path of, of, um, your higher, higher risk, you know, cause they've, they've flagged up a few things with you, but let's hope they don't, um, go too serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like fucking couples therapy for us though. This is it. You're getting all of this stuff out. We should, you should be telling someone else this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been working hard on, on that and that's been stressing me out a bit. Um, it's been nice to be able to tell you about, about this stuff, you know, and just, just, just let out some of my frustrations with, with people. I think that, I dunno, I'm always quite, maybe we're too public about these, these things, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like I, I just, it's constantly like bewildering the responses that I get from people. Um, and so interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm just not used to, I assume this is what it's like for anyone who works in marketing or anything like this, but I just thought it would be more predictable. You know, I thought the response would be more predictable. You know, it would be like these people do that say, there's a group of people who say this, a group of people who have problems with this, but no, it's just, it's all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, there's already $900 worth of games in the bundle, so it's bigger than last year already. It might be our biggest year, I'm hoping. It's gonna be, it's gonna be... Well, don't hype it up too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, holy crap, I'm glad, um, I'm glad we did this. I'm glad we got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait till it's 100% released, thank you very much. Okay, well I think it's, there's a lot of gameplay there though, I did like, I did like 30 hours or something and I was fine. I think it was, it's good, yeah I'm hyped for it. The thing I've been playing this week is Rail Grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I heard of that. Yeah. Is that any good? It's on Epic game store. It's made by this Japanese company and it's basically a, it's, it's, it's a classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Puzzle-ly trained game, right, where each level, it's old school, right, in a sense that each is level-based, right, and so you almost start fresh every time. You have industries like coal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And power plants and, and iron and mines and steel and all this crap. And you have to link them together like Transport Tycoon style, but it's really, really quick to build the railways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way the game works is you get rewarded based on how quickly you do it, which isn't that fun, but you have like a prep phase at the start. So mostly you plan out what you're doing. You build most of the infrastructure straight away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, like for me, I like trains as well. A bit easy. Like steam trains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like a bunch of games on Steam called like, I don't know, Train Valley or something like that. Like there's a bunch of these games that already exist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it Train Valley 2? Yea, Train Valley 2 on Steam is basically rail grade but less pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I love those puzzles though, and I love watching choo-choos. Choo-chooing. Just gently choo-chooing along. Do the junctions, and do that. And it's all very, it's just very slick. And so yea, I recommend it. If you like trains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found it so addictive. I like the autobahn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the hot thing on Steam. There's a one called Soulstone Survivors that's coming out soon, which has been all over Reddit. And it's basically, you know, the idea is it's a Diablo meets, Autobattler meets this, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fighting like a broken combo. Yeah, that's cool. That's the cool thing, I think. That's probably what I'm doing wrong, is I'm not looking for those max level OP combos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I had a few of those. I had a few cuddles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think again, it's context, right? Like if, if you're the one who's brought it up and they've, you know, gingerly mentioned it, then that's the right response. Whereas if they've brought it up to you, they're obviously, you know, you can then like probe and ask them gently if they actually want to talk about it and let them open up about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it depends what they want, right? Sometimes they just want to not think about it, so, you know, they don't want to bring it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's not healthy. There's gotta be a mix of the two, right? You can't think about it and lament about it all the time. At the end of the day, the only thing that can heal is time. And so, you know, these, we, our memories,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, decay quite quickly and you know, within a couple of weeks, you're thinking about other stuff, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're quite easily distracted is what I'm saying. You know, going to cyberpunk or, you know, some, some, some, some, you know, run a submarine and, and, you know, we, we can, you need that, right? Sometimes as well to help you through the, you need to stay busy. You know, that's one thing they always say, oh, we've got to stay busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, because it distracts, but that's just the old, that's just the same thing as distraction, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a different kind. It's a good feeling to achieve things. You know, I've emailed a thousand people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, like, it all feeds back into, getting it done makes the rest of everything better, you know? I think I enjoy watching a movie more when I don't have the washing up to do as well, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All those subconscious hassling things annoying me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something, something that looks clean and functional. It's big enough for you to stand it and close the door. Yeah, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stephen King is 75 years old, one of the most prolific writers in the history of anything. He's written like, like a hundred books, right? Yeah, he's enormously successful. He's hugely, hugely famous. But regardless, I don't think him and Elon should be going back negotiating. It's ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fascinating, right? Because there, there was a thing recently where Elon had this, obviously this big court battle with Twitter, right? And he had to put all of his WhatsApp messages into his part of the lawsuit. They were sequestered or whatever. And you could search them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And look through what he was saying. And this is one of the things that he was saying in those things, uh, with some, he's basically got a series of mates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, yeah, you know, you put me in boss and I'll, I'll really sort this, get these guys out or I've got, had a great idea for, for, for how to monetize your, your Twitter once you get it, you know, and, and it's kind of like, you know, people are constantly pitching him stupid ideas and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, and he's talking to them as if they are his best mates, and maybe they are, but it all just feels like it's like one, like he's planning on monetising Twitter in a weird way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what was one of his suggestions was that you could pay to like send out a DM to everyone who is following you, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you were like a big, if you were like Pringles or whatever, um, you could,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope you're okay, my dude. And, uh, I'll get, I'll get Brian and Kirsty to chip in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I think we, I think, I think I do do that. I just don't know what it is off the top of my head and, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, the same things. I dunno, I don't like those. If I was that guy, I think I'd get sick of saying the same shitty little anachronistic things every day, you know? Like, it is what it is. That's one. If I was that Australian dad, I'd be sick of saying that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do feel bad though. But then again, at the same time, I'm like, there's already a, everyone's got terrible pictures of me. So I've lost any kind of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I think it's just best to just, just if you, if you feel it coming, just, just let it out. I feel like holding it in is more dangerous because it can just cause either a bigger or louder one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry, Sips, because I have been using the Aura frame. Uh, they sent me one. They sent one to you as well, P-Flex. They did. And it is really, really cool. There's a little app and you can put all of your photos on there. Right. And you could actually share it with family as well. So I shared it with a bunch of people in the office and everyone put in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. So from now through Black Friday and Cyber Monday, you can get $50 off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the best selling frame, uh, by going to AuraFrames.com slash Triforce. They are the lowest prices, AuraFrames. A-U-R-A. Frames.com slash Triforce. Get one now. It's a great gift idea for Christmas. Do it! Merry Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, I think there's a lot of interesting jobs. I mean, Driver is a classic, you know? Can be dangerous though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Season five. Was it actually season five? This stuff does happen, even today, like with the Russian-Ukrainian war going on, I've noticed a couple of people have changed their names from Russian names to more Americanised names. But like Chip. Or completely Americanised names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, yeah. So I, I don't know whether that's to do with what's going on or not. Probably not actually, it might just be coincidence, but I have, I do notice it happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, you know, something which people do try and fit in still with their, the culture that they're, you know, moving to or intend to be part of, to try and, as a part of a way to fit in and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My name is meaningful and people gave it to me and blah, blah, blah, but fucking who cares? Like you don't, it doesn't need to, you know, if you're going to be bothered, if it's going to bother you every day, like just don't fucking, you don't have to put up with it. You really don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, but at the same time, we are constantly exposed to this in fiction and it's worse and worse and worse. Everyone loves watching these horror films where multiple people are horribly murdered and chopped up in incredibly gory ways and everyone's watching some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What people want, right? Like people are interested in this horrible stuff and always have been. And since ever, you know, Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie, people getting popped off murdered and doing horrible things to each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poison each other. And, and yeah, I mean, obviously like it is weird because he was real. And I think that that's just more titillating, right? For some, for some, in some ways for, for people. I think people don't quite realize that he was real though, in a sense, like, and especially when I do think that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Netflix has become murder porn, but it's always been that. And is that really bad? Like most people do, even though they enjoy watching these murder things, that doesn't mean they're going to go out and do a murder. It doesn't mean that they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Asshole anti-hero, right? Where it's with a heart of gold, right? That's just such a trope in everything that, you know, everyone's favourite character in everything is that dick who is actually a good guy when it really matters or whatever, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that is obviously mainstream stuff and that's not necessarily the case, but, but I think certainly on the edgy edgier things, we've definitely got more anti-heroes. And I think that the danger of making Dharma into some sort of, you know, like heroic figure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's loads of them though. It's not just, this is the thing. It's not just one show. I feel like Netflix has just become the Dharma station. It feels like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where we talked about this before. I think this is just again, the next, the next, that was Richard Ramirez, wasn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit too much, yeaah. To you what, I watched yesterday that I quite liked was, well I didn't like it, but, uh, Guillermo del Toro's cabinet of curiosities, right? Basically, he kind of waddles in, uhm, at the start and says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's a strange place with the world, isn't it? It is a strange place, the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so the first, so obviously the update, it's sort of a horror anthology where it's like eight episodes and each one is slightly different. And, uh, the first couple,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I dunno, they held my attention decently. At least the autopsy one did. And it was super gross, super gruesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but quite creepy, but obviously cause it was sort of Halloween this week, I felt like I wanted to watch something. And there were a few things that were recommended on various things. And I was like, this is the one I ended up watching. And I thought it was okay. So yeah, like I like short stories because then I feel like short stories are a great medium for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think also the thing is sometimes I do this. I talk to people about stuff in the office or on streams or with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was, I saw, I went into your stream the other day, P-Flex and someone, there's like a load of clips and one of them made me laugh so much. What was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's your instinct to instantly try and turn the blame away from you. I'm sure when your gran handled your sink she was blaming something else and not her own turning it the wrong way or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. You, you got very, uh, you got very into the casting when we did the, the Gunter National, whatever we call it, the, uh, the Yogster National, the sort of 4, 14,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's my favorite kind. So I'm really sort of just kind of letting it wash over me because you can't get too into it, but you were really into it. Uh, are you doing it kind of caught up in, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the moment, and it's a very exciting game, it's an hour, there's a whole storyline if you're watching the game, it really does. Teams that are like way ahead and then come back, or teams that are blowing it and you can see them panicking in real time, it's thrilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're working with the worst caster in DOA. Let's just put that. I am the worst. Like, uh, you know, if you ever hear me casting in a big event, they've run out of people. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the regular Tuesday night scrub cast games. And we got Lyrical in, who's like a TI main stage caster, top tier caster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and he was just chillin', like, you know, he was just hangin' out, but he just effortlessly sort of, uh, steps in and casts the fight and tells the story. He's very good at it, and he's got a great voice as well. Uhm, so he makes it look easy. Is he American? Yeah, he is, yeah, yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who are blindly certain of themselves seem like psychopaths. Like generally, I think most people are sort of uncertain, a little bit nervous, they wanna make sure it goes well, they're worried about how they did, they're thinking about themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From afar, you think, wow, everyone is so competent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I always thought that he, he gives off this impression of just being this kind of, uh, sort of goofy guy who's just sort of turning up and having a go and everything. But I, I know that he does practice, rewatches things, comes up with lines ahead of time that he could drop in, like he puts a lot of work into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that the impression that some people have is you've either got it or you ain't. It's not like singing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you can't just practice and sing as well as Adele. We've spoken about this before. Some people just have that voice and some don't. So Owen absolutely has the ability to speak ridiculously fast and have that speed of thought and of knowing everything. It's incredible to watch him cast a long team fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like everything just comes flying out of it, but there's a lot of practice that has gone into it and, uh, a lot of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't conceal my disgust because I had one piece and I clearly didn't look happy, but I wouldn't say, this is bullshit, throw it on the, on the ground. He just said to me, what did you think of that pizza? And I said, do you want my honest opinion? And he laughed knowing that it was not going to be a positive review. And I said, I thought it was dog shit. But it was, it was, it was unkind of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Layed out. It was fucking enormous. There's like 5,000 miniatures, a billion counters, everybody's got like all these cards and decks and the board is huge, you've got this, that, it's all very complicated. I was like, oh my god. And I said, and I think it was probably the worst question to ask,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause, and then I'm getting messages, where are you? Come to pub. And I was like, I'm playing a board game. And they were like, throw the game, get down here. So, Lewis said, I was kind of dancing around like a kid waiting to get out of school. And he thought, and this was wrong, he thought I deliberately tried to throw the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that, uh, I could go to the pub, which is not the case. I actually made the winning play, Lewis, if you remember. We won the game, and then I legged it out of there to the pub as fast as I could, which felt kind of rude. Lewis was annoyed because I had agreed to play this board game, I just didn't realise it was going to take 15 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't try to throw. I did not try to throw. There was one point, Sips, you basically, you have a crew. What's the game called though? It's called Everrain. There you go. So you basically, imagine Cthulian monsters are coming out of the fucking woodwork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're getting on ships, and sometimes they get on your ship. You've got a crew of like a sort of a, you know, 18th century crew of a ship. You have to sail around, explore this sort of tiled seascape with islands and cities, and you can do various things at the ports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The crucial thing is you have to pay your crew. So I went into a port, I got some really good crew, and they're just like, you know, you don't have enough money to pay these guys. I was like, shit, what can I do to make money? One of the things you can do in port is gamble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you win, I would have enough money to pay my crew. If I lost, I would not have enough money to pay my crew. So I gambled and I lost. And I did it because I wanted the security of having enough money to pay my crew. I didn't have enough either way. I would have had to lose somebody. So I thought, you know what, let's go for it. And of course I failed. Uh, and I had never got any more money and I sailed off


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Into just open waters for the rest of the game, but I did manage to then win the game. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It took four hours and that was the halfway point. We could have kept going. Uh, and the guys were like, should we go for the full game tonight? And I was like, please God no. And I was like, well, it is my first time. If this is going to take eight hours, I'm not really down for that. I mean, that would have been until one or two in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you- they do close, but you can sometimes get a lock in, but we went to a karaoke place. Uhm, we were there till four, just after. Like, this was a whole bunch of us. Uhm. Were you up at like four in the morning?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it was great. I had a great night. Uhm, me and Rav's got some chips and walked home. Uh, he went, he went, he went a slightly different way. I had quite a long walk by myself, but I was humming away. I was delighted. I'd had a great evening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lewis is not happy about this. You drive the karaoke man to stay open. He wanted to shut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I paid him to let us stay out longer because I could tell that the evening still had another hour in it. Uh, but yea, it was a cracker of a night. But yea, Lewis was not happy because, of course, we had the dope to cast the next day. I was fine the first day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I messaged Ben, I said, Ben, I'm fucked, I'm not gonna be in tomorrow to do the podcast with you. And Ben just said, that's fine, no problem. But I didn't get to, I didn't see Ben again the rest of the time I was there. So I never really got a chance to apologize to him. That was the person I let down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I'd be intrigued to hear what listeners of the Triforce podcast make of these simple interactions and the judgements to be handed down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think overall we had a great time. It was brilliant. It was a really good trip down. I like having stuff to do. I hate it when I'm sitting around the office with nothing to do because I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time I've gone out to the pub and got drunk, I mean, I'm doomed. I am doomed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know this isn't a mailbag episode, but I thought this was quite a funny, um, epi- letter, very short one. Do you mind if I read it? Oh yea, go for it. This is from, uh, Tom, and the title is An Insufferable Listener. Okay. This made me laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately, my 60-something mother doesn't seem to understand that you guys can't hear her when she replies to or tries to correct the things you say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think we do. I've said this before when people pop up and say, uh, oh you guys go this wrong. I said imagine, like imagine that we're just at the pub or we're out for dinner or we're sitting on a park bench having our sandwiches or something and we're chatting and you stop


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were ear-wigging on our conversation. You were like, haha, that's funny, yeaah, these guys are funny, hahaha. Wait a minute! Excuse me, you've got that wrong! You wouldn't do that. You would never go up and correct someone you didn't know. You wouldn't go up and just offer a fucking actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is where I'll glean some knowledge by listening to these three idiots talk on a park bench. You wouldn't. So, you wouldn't correct us, but equally you wouldn't use us as a source. So therefore we don't need to be fucking correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I really, I'm playing a hard game like Tarkov and some fucking idiot popping up and saying some dumb shit. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna engage with them in a pleasant way cause what the fuck are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean, I must have driven a lot of viewers away but I just can't stand it. The usual kind of shit that people do, the same tired old jokes. This is it. This is the thing we talked about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, they are. And the biggest one, obviously, Sips' stream is considerably bigger than my stream. Has way more subs, way more viewers. I get it. People come in and say things like, hey guys, Sips has just started streaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So people found all these ways around it, they'd do like S1 PS and stuff like that, so I'd ban those where I can. Nice. And they would literally come in and say, Pyrrhen, do you know when Sips is streaming? When is Sips going live? Why aren't you playing lists of Sips? Did you see Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips, Sips? And I was like, can we not just turn this into the Sips waiting room channel? That's not fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if your dog got this fat, they would just lie there. Like I've seen really fat cats and they just like balloons, they could barely walk. This guy looks like, yeah, I'm ready for this. Look at the power in those thighs. He's holding it well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, she really likes, she likes that fantasy stuff. She, she loved Wheel of Time. Uhm, you know, she, she loves all that. Uh, so yea, she enjoyed it. I'm sure if you liked Game of Thrones and you want to see more of it, uh, go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which kind of put me off because I always felt the violence in Game of Thrones. I don't mind someone being like run through with a sword, you know? But when it feels- Oh, that's exactly-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was in Morbius, for fuck's sake. I don't like Doctor Who.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean also these are not, I don't think a Komodo dragon, although it's called a Komodo dragon, you couldn't really compare it to a fucking dragon. Like they would smell of like sulfur or whatever mechanism they produce fire, they'd probably fucking reek because they're big animals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what it's gonna smell like. It's gonna smell like, you know, old world sulfur and fire and uh, and just dragon stank. Just BO from a dragon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so what they're saying is there's so much gas around it that there's actually a medium for the sound to travel in, uh, because you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like the difference between going like, uuuh, uuuh, like that. Like that's an octave or a few octaves shift, right? So they're saying- You have to do that 60 times. Like way lower than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, super lower than you could ever reproduce, presumably, uh, with, with the, the human courses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's mad. I think about it all the time. Like every time I see a picture of space or I'm watching something about space, I watch a lot of space stuff on the internet. It's so bafflingly insanely huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mystifying and impossible to know and unreachable and fascinating that it just consumes you and I try not to get too deep into a black hole if you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of space stuff, cause I'll just disappear. And you end up giving up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it makes you feel very nihilistic about things and think, well what the fuck is the actual point? But then luckily Professor Brian Cox brings us back down to earth and says things like, you know, we are just shrubs on the edge of the highway of the galaxy, but without those shrubs,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I've, I've done this when we did the Rust RP, one of the, one of the recurring characters is Brian Cox. And the, like I ranted about how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't need to go to the fucking Gobi Desert to show me sand. He could go to Bournemouth Beach. It's much cheaper. This is at the licen- license fee pay- license fee payers expense. Don't need to have him in the fucking Gobi Desert just to run sand through his hands and say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mars has sand on it. It's like I don't need you in a desert. You could do that in Bournemouth or just in a room with some sand. Like we have sand here. So I kind of had an issue with the grandiose nature of the production of the shows. Whereas I think when David Attenborough does it, they've had to go see this animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get it, of course they have to go, like if he just held up a picture of that lizard and said this lizard lives on so and so, it would suck. I wanna see the actual lizards, right? And that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's talking about space. We can't send Brian Cox into actual space, so he has to find things on Earth that he can use to kind of demonstrate to us this is what it might be like. But he goes to these remote locations to do something with rocks and sand. You think you don't need to go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First class staying in a fancy hotel, no doubt, to do that. I had an issue with that. But his most recent series was very good. I think, Universe, whatever it's called. I really enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, big ups to that guys. Tom's mom. Tom's mom. God bless you both. Tom's mom has got it going on. Everybody remember that song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are our categories for goodness of war? Because obviously they should all be bad, but we're just, we need to figure out how are we gonna, how are we going to, uh, gauge them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we could exclude them. We could, we could take World War I and II out of the pool. I don't know how you guys feel about this, cause otherwise it's too obvious that World War II was essentially the best war, certainly in terms of like the movies and all the rest of it. Oh my god. And, and the vitalness of it. Like if we'd lost it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm assuming that we're gonna, is the, uh, the Ethiopian, Ethiopia Italy conflict, is that in there, or are we excluding that kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Wow. Well, not completely because they came back for Unix 2, surely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's arguably the most popular literary work in East Asia, but when is it set? Historical context, it's based on the events, uh, on historical events. Xuan Zhang was a monk at a Jingchu temple in late Su dynasty, early Tang dynasty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so this is whale, well after that, so alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, what, uh, what kind of technology are we talking here? What kind of war was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, how do you- I mean that's a lot of death of appointed sticks. I would have thought they must have had some contraption.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something called the gun. Alright? Which wasn't a gun. It was just called a gun. It was just a straight stick. Just a straight rod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then they had the kyang, which is a spear, but they had a whole bunch of them and they were all very funky looking. One that looks like a sword stuck on the end, one that's like a bamboo thing that's sharp on one end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, these were like, you hold them, you know, and then you sort of whip them about. And you could use them while mounted, on foot, or in chariots. So they had chariots as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Technically, technically, this is all history, by the way, just saying. But are we gonna, are we gonna include the Crusades as a war that we want to, to rate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you've got to take a break now then, and honestly, you lose a bunch of lads, everybody takes a break, waits for some other, some kids to grow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you would say this is fucking stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd go through some Reddit guide. Build level 3-4 to the Bowling Providence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're gonna have a war over a bunch of roses, it's just not worth my time. It's stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was just like a lot of roses died in that war. Fair enough. But, you know, you could just grow new ones. It's stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's 1525, so about 500 years ago. Five thousand peasants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gathered near Lake Pine to rise against the city of Ulm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A band of five companies, plus approximately twenty-five citizens of Leipheim, assume positions west of the town. League reconnaissance report to the Trutchesses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The peasants were well armed. They had cannons with powder and shot. They numbered three to four thousand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had a good position. And then all he did was negotiate with them. And while he's doing that, he's moving his troops into a good position. And then they just fucking ran at them with horses. And uh, fucking murdered them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the bad guy's there and he's confronted someone and the good guy's kind of trying to look over his shoulder to make sure his mate is sneaking up on the bad guy, that's literally what was happening. Like they're talking to the peasants going, yes, we'll give in to your demands. Let's, let's negotiate while he's doing it. He's watching while his horsemen are sort of creeping their horses up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, peasants. I mean, I know you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, there's loads of cavalry over there. But they didn't. Tragic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fucking people power, they tried. My god, they tried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's a proper war right there. Like, you ended up with something at the end of it. Not just a bunch of dead peasants and estates quo. I'm talking about, we're gonna go and over 40 years, form an empire that everybody's still gonna remember. Suleiman the Magnificent! You get that out of it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is Sir Francis Drake and all that, right? The Spanish Armada.


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[Assistant] I mean, generally speaking, when they talk about historical battles, the historians of the time would say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Romans had 500 million men and the Greeks had 7 billion men and they're like, okay, these numbers might be a tad inflated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that's like the population of Italy at that time. So let's wind it back and we'll say there's probably 10,000 against 12,000 rather than these big numbers. I wonder if the same thing happened with Chinese historical wars, whether the numbers were inflated by historians to make it seem more impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, like the translation, so that the average person couldn't read it, which was the whole thing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Martin Luther and all that was like, everyone should be able to read it. Wasn't that Luther? The Lutheran Bible? And he was like, why are people not able to read this? Anyway, this was all, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason they kept it in Latin was because there's no mention of popes and shit in the Bible, not one bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was all an invention of man. So I think the whole point is, as long as people can't read the Bible, the common person won't rise up and say, hold on a minute. It says nothing about tithing to my local fucking bishop here. There's nothing about folks in here. What's all this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let, let, let's evaluate two things. First of all, would one war have happened without the other? Arguably not. Without the American War of Independence, there is no American Civil War. Yea, of course. You wouldn't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that, that union was then under threat, and that, it was almost like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the American Civil War was saying that all the stuff that they'd done to form this independent country, to work on this constitution, to have the rights for individuals enshrined, the American Civil War was essentially saying, do we want to throw all of that away? And if that had been lost by the Union, and I'm going to say by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The side of absolute good by comparison to the, to the Confederates. If they'd lost that, America would have changed completely and almost everything they'd fought for as this beacon of human rights would have been lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel like the idea that Napoleon, I don't know if the French are still big fans of Napoleon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, that was, I think that was when he was defeated, and I'm pretty sure...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That that was it, cause he'd come back. Yes. So he'd sort of lost already, and they fucked, he fucked off, and then he came back and raised a bunch of lads again and was like, marched up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And then he got the, he got the king and he was like, listen, you got to put me in charge. I'm the emperor of France and we're going to fucking take over. I mean, the guy was a fucking dictator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a sort of, uh, cult of personality that Napoleon had, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also the naval battles of that era, the age of sail is my favourite, like I just absolutely love that era. It's fascinating, brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, yeah, the Charge of the Light Brigade very famously happened, uh, in that war, so, you know, that had a huge effect on, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was sort of a lot of question marks about whether we should be there and all this kind of stuff, like it was really a nutty war and very, very indicative of its time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean for, if you look at, we talk about the wars of the past and everything like that, they were unbelievably brutal. But I feel like as we advance now, it gets more and more and more dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was obviously a big deal for the people of India. Yes. But I think anytime there's a revolution and the revolutionaries lose,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we weren't, we weren't in it, were we on someone's side? Cause I know that you'd be fighting the French one decade, the next decade you're fighting with them like, were we with them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the French, you know, the French had that war with Indochina where they wanted the French out. We can't, we can't put all of that in. Let's go for the big ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a huge scar on the psyche of America. Huge divisions in society at that time. It was at exactly the right time where you had a youth movement that was anti-government


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, everyone still talks about things as America's next Vietnam. Like it was such a huge cultural event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've also got to remember that the Vietnam War was really the start of this American sort of industrial military or military industrial sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Way of running wars, where you had these vast defense companies that were born in that sort of era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These companies have been around for a long time, but they suddenly became empowered and become hugely wealthy and influential, and a lot of the wars that America was involved in after that were essentially


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a big problem and Eisenhower warned about this. He was like, we shouldn't fucking turn into this because that's when you'll have politicians waging wars to make money for their buddies sort of thing. That is definitively a thing that has happened. That's not, that's not like, there's no political debate about that. America spends more on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's insane. But also, you are now, most people in the world, uh, sitting at home now, maybe even listening to this podcast, you're unlikely to be called up by some king or some fucking emperor who will thrust a musket or a spear into your hand and force you to spend the next few years fighting for them. That is very unlikely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Took a little bit of, uh, you know, refereeing oddness, but I'm happy to put the peasant's war over the puny people because just love those German peasants. Hell yeaah. You know. God bless them. You know, that kind of. They try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and they're just in, it's an interesting, the battles of the war, of the Napoleonic Wars were very interesting. We, we can't imagine fighting a war that day. It was just before like machine guns and stuff like that started to come in. So they still had like cavalry and things. And it was just, that's what you think of when you think of a war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're right. There is a lot to be said for the Vietnam War in terms of, uh, the movies and the media that came out of it and I think our appreciation for it also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife's cousin is married to a Vietnamese girl and I met her mum who fought in the Vietnam War and who shot down a plane and got a pension for it. I'm gonna have to say Vietnam because it's just so interesting. Defines a lot of modern wars, defines a lot of American foreign policy, changed America in many ways, and I don't think those divisions have gone away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, even though you could argue.


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[Assistant] Yikes. Don't worry, you get to win. Like is that a- is that- I don't think it's recreateable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, I'm, I'm doing good. My, uh, the, the plumbers are around again fixing the central heating. This is phase two of fixing the central heating ahead of another cold snap that's coming up. So, uh, we got, we got two, we got two radiators with blockages. They got the thermal gun out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it requires the radiator to be disconnected from the system. It's got to then be taken out into the backyard and have a hose fed through it to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quite the, uh, quite the, quite the ordeal. We had an electric boiler fitted, which I'm happy with, but there's been some issues with the change in pressure to the, uh, to the system from the old boiler. And that has caused a couple of blockages in the central heating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Uh, sorry, what was the thing in, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it doesn't have that on it, but it's got a little screen on it, and uh, it'll show hot spots in like red, yellow, and orange, and then cold spots in blue. And uh, you can see it's like red all around the radiator, but then right in the middle there's like a blue spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's happening is it's not cranking out the heat, you know, as much as we'd like it. And with it being cold and stuff and we got a baby and the dingoes and everything, like, oh man, it's just, it's no good. So they have to fix it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He scans a whole bunch of things with it. He scans, uh, he scans, um, what's his face? Rick Moranis. Yea, that's Vince Cole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when he's scanning him though, if you look at the computer screen, it's a demon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He took a break, but uh, he was much loved. Oh, hang on a second, my door now. I'll be right back, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything? Sorry I'm back. No, no, no. Oh man. I've just been informed that they found lumps in one of their radiators. Uh, they took it off the wall, and uh, they couldn't believe how heavy it was on one side, and they said there was lumps coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, an old one, yeah. Well, it wasn't that old actually, because we had it replaced. Boiled oil. Yeah, you gotta boil up the oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, it was an oil-fired boiler that we used to have, and once those things get going, they go. They go like the clappers, like there's no stopping them unless you actually turn them off, right? The old oil boiler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had the oil boiler but it was hooked into a whole bunch of older components and stuff and basically it wasn't too efficient because when it would heat up it needed somewhere for all the excess heat to go so there was one radiator in the system that didn't have a valve and would just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The electric boiler, which can, uh, curb itself somewhat. We can put a valve on that one now and now we're not gonna have a molten lava heater with all the other ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when they give you those, uh, when they give you those moist towelettes on the airplane and they're steaming hot, like they put them in those airplane microwaves before they give them to you. They're like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's too many grandmothers. I think at that point, there's no possible way that he's at all related, right? The spread is too much. If you've ever played Crusader Kings, the video game series, and you see those family dynasties, I've never seen a spread of 4,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just joking. Uhm, can I, can I say that, uh, as interesting as this is and stuff, and that, uh, I like, I love the review of Glass Onion. The occupant, sorry. Uhm, I, I've been watching a show that I've been enjoying recently called, uh, Inside Number Nine. Maybe you've seen it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I love how uhm, like you were saying with Glass Onion, I like how there's just familiar faces in all the episodes as well, right? Like they just seem to get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was just really bored waiting for her to fall asleep. So I grabbed my iPad and I finished off a vampire survivors achievement run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, uh, at a loss. I didn't really know what to do after that. So I, I, I, so I fired up the iPlayer and I was like, I wonder what's on TV. You know, like the World Cup's done. So you don't really have a go to anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, and inside number nine came out, I was like, what the fuck is that? I thought it was like political or something. I thought it was to do with politics or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I remember my mother-in-law saying that she watches it, and I was like, fuck it, I'll just give this a go. Like, I'm so bored, I'll watch anything. Put it on, I loved it. I'm, I'm, I'm almost on season one now, like, uh, it's great. Oh man, you got eight series. I know. Eight. I'm looking forward to it, it's really nice. There are some absolute


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the guy, the one I saw yesterday was the one with the actors, the Macbeth, uh, company. And, uh, and with the, uh, with the assistant and, uh, and the original actor who then becomes disabled and the other actor takes over. And that takes place in dressing room number nine. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never heard of it. Goosebumps is a similar format. It's a kid's, it's a kid's book. It's a kid's book and show. Yeah. But it's like, it's not, uh, it's like, it's little short stories every time and there's no overarching like characters or, or storyline or universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they try to fully flesh out a massive IP now all the time, right? Like it has to have backstory, lore, scope for, uh, prequels and all that kind of stuff where this format doesn't need any of that, right? Cause it's all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Black Mirror is, is, yeah, Inside Number 9 is compared to Black Mirror a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely more of that stuff. It has more fantastical stuff in it, right? Like, it'll be like, uh, if you don't get a certain amount of likes on, uh, social media in a day, you can't buy something, or yeah, or whatever. Whereas, uh, inside number nine is more based around stuff that could actually happen. Human interactions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where, that's where like, uh, you know, like, uh, extracurricular activities come in handy, right? If you, if you vape or you smoke or if you like to drink or whatever, you got all that time to do that stuff, right? In between turns. I, that's, that has to be the, the, the plus side of a board game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't even care, I like, I like playing board games for all the stuff that happens around playing, like the games themselves I can take them or leave them, but like if you're ordering food and like we can, you know, smoke some shangri-las or whatever, like I'm, I'm down, you know, like I, I just like the hanging out aspect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're cursed at the same time, it's a balance. They're little space goblins, aren't they, really? Yeah, they're the time is money friends of the Star Trek universe, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, the Star Trek was so ahead of its time and could see into the future.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. It does not look like a happy valley from the uh, the ads that I've seen. It looks really grim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a gas oven and a gas boiler in a flat I used to live in. Do you think I'm under, do you think maybe I'm unhealthy now as a result? We lived there for about five years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I had for dinner, uh, the other night? Flax. I had, uh, I had rice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this is what my whole family ate. We just had to chuck something together real quick, you know? Like, sometimes, uh, sometimes you just gotta make do. It's not an event eating in my house. Nobody really wants to eat in the first place. We don't make much of an effort, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like bored, just get it done. I don't wanna do it, yeaah. It just gets in the way of all the other things I actually wanna do, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought he was more, I thought he was more, I thought he was more of a techies guy. I didn't, or did he just pick windrunner because it was funny for the VTubers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it always runs the risk. It's an old game, right? They gotta keep it fresh. You gotta try to keep it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is exciting and interesting, but the, the likelihood of them actually, um, you know, putting out any of the stuff that they're promising on time is, is so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The previous two expansions which were bad have taken their toll for sure because long, long standing people who would normally play a lot of WoW that I have like on my friends list or whatever just have not come back. They're just gone. They just have moved on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It still has a fairly big community, but they don't release a lot of the retention figures now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They stopped releasing them after I think Wrath of the Lich King because people were getting really hung up on, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good, I have played it as well, I liked Final Fantasy, it's pretty good, but uhm, I don't know, it's weird, right? It's like, uh, it's what you're used to, it's comfort and all that kind of stuff too. I just go so far back with WoW that if I'm gonna play an MMO, I'd like to play WoW, and I'm glad that it's fun again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice to enjoy it again. Uhm, I prefer it to Final Fantasy for sure. But uhm, but, but WoW has these dips where it just sucks and nobody wants to play it. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Partly, but also Blizzard had such an incredible reputation before, uhm, the past two or three years, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but the interesting thing with Tarkov is that uhm, a game like Tarkov is very attractive for people who cheat, right? And people who cheat


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are, but they're not, not enough to, to make them the money that they'd be looking for, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tarkov apparently is still worked on, but barely, because I think a lot of the work that they're doing on Tarkov, they're using it for some new game that they're making, which is apparently... Arena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want Tarkov to have a game mode where it's like a zero to hero mode. You queue in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a pistol, everybody queues in with a pistol. If you have, yeah, and then if you, if you leave a raid with like a ton of gear it's because you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, I'd much rather play that than Tarkov as it is now. Because like, it's fun, like, when a wipe happens for like a week, and then it's just, you're just playing against Robocop every time, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got, he's got the best loadout. It's the whole game is solved within a week because people just know life it and have no life since it was released or whatever. It's just not, it's, it's just not a fun game. Like, uh, so soon after a wipe, you know what I mean? It would be better if there was like, uh, the matchmaking was evened out a little bit more by giving people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next to nothing to go in with, and then the idea is that you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I would like you to know that I've been psychologically traumatized by Played Up, uh, a game that you, your company published. I got really obsessed with it and played it all the damn time and only just recently have kicked the habit somewhat, but I still yearn to play it again, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you can't blame them though. You would do the same thing though, that's the thing. You're criticizing them, but you would do, if you had to market something and, and you were making your own D&D, watch, you're going to make your own D&D and you're just going to become the new Hasbro, right? You won't even realize it's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I want people to refer to me as doc or doctor, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's manana, it's manana. Oh my god. It is, it is, I have never ever shaved my scrotum before. Yeaah. Let me tell ya, it's phenomenal. Is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was not apprehensive about the procedure, just to point out. I was apprehensive about this one aspect of it. Which is I didn't want to cut my nuts with a razor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she, uh, she's had a really late sort of blossoming to her career. And I think it's really interesting to see people, because she's been in so many things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I actually had a very interesting last Friday, and I thought you guys might want to hear about it. We're talking about actors, so it, it, it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she is a huge Stranger Things fan. She literally loves Eddie Munson. She loves Joseph Quinn. She, she literally almost went white and fell over. I'm not, no exaggeration.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. So I said, do you want me to get a picture with him? She was like, please daddy, please get that picture. And I went out to meet them and she kept messaging me all the way up until she went to bed, like every 10 minutes. Are your friends there yet? Did you see your friends yet? How's it going daddy? Just checking you're all good. Are your friends there yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, absolutely, so we got the picture. I thought we were just chatting, we were chatting about how great Southwest London is, because he's like from Clapham and everything. Just the nicest dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the embarrassing bit was, we all sit down for the meal and Asa's face is currently plastered on buses all over London because he's in some show. Right. Uhm, and the waiter recognizes Asa. Quite a young waiter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, who else was there? Well, so it was Asa, Joe, Alex, Blitz, and me, and then it was- That's the celebrities, and then all the- No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For whatever reason they met her, they went out for an evening with her, I think probably through Acer or something like that. And she was staying at a hotel and they went to pick her up and they were going to eat in the restaurant that's in the hotel. In order to get there they had to walk from the elevators to the restaurant through the lobby and she got stopped


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to go to his sleep, go to sleep, and then they call me a bozo. Sorry, I won't read any more negatively. I'll filter them, and if there's anything negative about sips in there, I'll... I'm fragile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I went there to run that, with Cyborg Matt, who people might know as, now he's the manager of Team Secret, he used to be like, just a community guy like me, did videos and stuff like that. And Asa and his mate turned up, they were 15.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And go to these games. So it was quite funny. But one of his mates that was there that night leaned over to me in the meal and you know what he said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they're in the UK, they're filming something. So they want to relax, it's Friday evening, they want to go out to a club. I was like, absolutely get it, go for it. Because we've already struggled to get into this other place and didn't get in, so, go Matt. However-


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[Assistant] I don't think that's true, the, the jurisdiction of the rest of the United States still applies, and, uh, I'm pretty sure that, that Vegas is, is, uh, many, many, many a person's ruined.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't be the usual one that we go to in Bristol then, because that is definitely a no-boos zone. Oh right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone in there is stone cold sober and just kind of stares at you.


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[Assistant] But I told her, I told her, I leaned in, this is just, just uhm, we've got friends staying with us right now, okay? So we're just about to have dinner, like they're in the living room, we're in the kitchen, I leaned over to her and I said, you know, I can't stop playing with this thing. And she laughed herself silly, cause it was like, it's just this funny idea, but uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since Jingle Jam ended. I feel like it was a long time ago, but it was two months ago.


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[Assistant] In response to you asking why people take pictures, in a way, I think without them, we feel like we're just on the edge of writing this surf.


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[Assistant] And I hadn't even, I'd just been chill up to that point, like I'd just been hanging out watching YouTube, playing some games, playing second, second front, which is like an unbelievably nerdy hex. Oh yea, you're telling us about this, I need to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's heavy. It's a dense one. So I was playing that and I did a core Cthulhu thing with my mates and stuff like that. But I still couldn't get to sleep. So what you're meant to do is try to center yourself on the present.


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[Assistant] The TLDR is still far too long to read. Oh my god. I just wanted to point out how funny it is. Every time we criticise Wisconsin, they point out, oh, but it's got these companies here. Yes. And they're so- Turns out they have very thin skips. Yes, and Jersey is very-


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[Assistant] Well, they would certainly resign before they got to the point where they were going to be like, uh, properly impeached or arrested or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose so, yeah. In Clarkson's case, yes, because he's just, uh, an entertainer, but it is worrying when it's like the, you know, so-called leader of the free world.


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[Assistant] Man, I have been dadding up a storm recently. I've had like lots of dad stuff to do generally, but there's a whole bunch of work going on in my house. The driveway's been torn up. They've laid some new pipes. The plumber's been in. Fucking drywall is going up. Like, oh my god, it is just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's chaos in there, but in a weird way, I'm just loving it, you know, like, uh.


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[Assistant] I just, I have people to talk to all the time, you know, and I can really just stand outside and like, you know, cross my arms and talk about really important things or like really serious things as well. Like what kind of drywall are you using? What sort of screws will you be screwing it in with and all that kind of stuff? It's great. So it's a real outlet for me, you know, like I don't get to do this stuff that often. So it's like, it's pretty great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, yeaah. My wife and my kids though are miserable as a result. Like, the baby is just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just drilling all the time. Like, oh man, it's crazy. It's good though. It'll be nice to have somewhere to park my 55 extra Ferraris. Cause that's the problem right now. They're just in a field, so I need a gold plated elevator access.