[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he just went and was like, if I pay you cash, can I get a discount? And then he got, he said yes across the board. People were doing it for a fraction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've told you this story multiple times. I worked for the show Extreme Makeover as a logger. They let us go to the dentist to get the zoom whitening treatment. When I was there, they x-rayed me and the guy goes, oh you have like 17 cavities. And I was like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and so then I went to another dentist that was covered under that dental insurance and he was like, you have no cavities, you know, zero. And I was blown away by it. And then, even though you know that story, it happened to you also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened was we, so we moved to a new neighborhood and so we have to do, we have to discover all kinds of new stuff again, right? New restaurants, new everything you used, that's only, you know, it's kind of fun but it's also like bummed out if the place you used to go to you liked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we went to this Thai place together like a few weeks ago and then we went again and we called on the way there to request the same people that we had the first time. Well yours was available for you but mine wasn't. So I go, okay, well I'll try whoever's available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the massage, we go to the lobby and the lady that had me the first time goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last time I go, yeah, yeah, I asked for you. And she looked at the girl that just massaged me and she goes, yeah, yes, for me. And then she looked back at me and she goes, so next time, you're me again. And I was like, oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the other lady, you could tell that she was higher up on the chain, cause the lady that had just massaged me, put her head down and was like, uh, totally cowered to herself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would go, it's, you know, they're so different. The first one massacres me. But I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it depends. I mean, I tend to feel like if I had to pick one all the time, I would go for the really aggressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not joy, I feel like the others, if it's less than that, I always feel like nothing's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should mention by the way, speaking of Barge, is that uhm, well first of all we should mention that our Patreon is going to launch June 1st. June 1st.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We will have Patreon, which is going to be, uh, an additional thing that the show does. Uh, added content, added access, bonus episodes, bonus features, whole bunch of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 1st, we'll get into the details more as we get closer, but we're building all that stuff right now. We're very excited about it. It's basically you make a monthly donation of your choice and you get all this extra content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also fam. Where did the, uh, sorry. Also fam. Fam. Uh, fam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was looking at the wrong thing. Is this, uh, oh, I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should mention that uh, that my uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New football podcast Chargers of the Game is out. It's on iTunes and Stitcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Episode two, now that if you're listening now, just came out as well. So two episodes up, the newest one, we talk about the draft, we talk about some NFL news, and we also have an interview, a conversation I had with Travis Johnson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Texans, and he's a Florida State graduate player and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sometimes he has really crazy dumps. I know. Sometimes you go like, oh, okay, it's a little there and doesn't really, but sometimes they're massive and you really, it hits you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, apparently later, uhm, maybe later this year, you'll get logs, which are, you know, they smell, but I think it's gonna be different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me see what else we got. See if I have something else to show you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we're done now. He's the one that introduced it to me. Blame blue band. Blame them. I closed it. Okay. I promise. I promise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a deliberate, the more that I learn about vocal fry, the thing that stands out is that it is a deliberate action.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are learning and then repeating a forced


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, greats. I think maybe one of my, it's gotta be one of my favorite artists of all time. And that would be the great...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, uhm. He needs seeds. He needs seeds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff here, some of his lyrics and some of his songs, uhm, we've been dying to play it for you, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't him, but that's just kind of the world that he's in. Uhm, do you understand what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you understand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Similar, maybe not with the music, but certainly a performer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sticks on deck, we got a lot of that. Uhm, where was it? Oh, it was texted to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We mentioned that last week, and we got a lot of messages, some of them very insulting, uhm, saying, how could you not know that? And then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How could you not know that? And then 10 different versions of what they think it meant. Uh, a lot of people said like the Xanax is ready. Then people said, dude, sticks on deck, there's guns, like there's guns here. I have guns for sale. Then people said, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sticks on deck set, a guy wrote, dude obviously it's a photographer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Look, so we had Xanax, guns, uhm, a tripod, and then somebody was like, no, it's money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Anthony Heath? Uh, I know, I know, I know. I didn't think this was happening right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget the bike shirt. Please go to TomSegura.com. People are loving the bike shirt. Please get that. Support your jeans. Anthony Heath here with the closing song. I'll let him set it up and take it away. Jeans, anything else you want to mention? Before we go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I've been in and out of jail, you know what I'm saying. I did a little bit of everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do, I do. So guys, come out April 1st and 2nd to Flappair's Comedy Club in Burbank, California. Uh, April 1 and 2, April 1 and 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Natural, it just happened. It's like your mom's house dictated that. And then May 27th through 28th, the Comedy Store in La Jolla, California. And also, generally I'm at the Comedy Store on Saturdays, 8 o'clock show. Not all the time, but that is my jam. If you're in town and you're like, I want to see Christina, I'm usually at the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, for sure. And uhm, you threw down the gauntlet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See? Skypunch. Skypunch. Got it. Bam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I don't know how you're gonna fight this guy, he's got all the moves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you really are in love with Crazy Lokes right now. It's really normal. What's the fascination with him so much? Why down the Crazy Lokes rabbit hole?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about his style appeals to you the most?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's so much happening with crazy looks. You know, it's like, you know, there's like people who are like, I'm a writer, director, producer, actor, like he's that guy. He's that guy that can wear so many hats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's not that good. So uhm. He only moves his mouth too. Everything else is perfectly still. You notice that? Yeaah. Like no blinking, just kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it just, it just affects his style. Remember that kid that he did the rap battle? And he was like, you're like, um, Rosie O'Donnell at a bisexual baby shower. That guy, he actually was really good at rapping. It doesn't mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he was really good, so, we don't know. Crazy Logues could surprise you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could, you know, tap into some creative place that you don't know about because of his autism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I thought you, don't you put grills on when your teeth are kind of bad? This guy's got great teeth. He doesn't need...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm looking at this Bristol stool chart today and I think I had a type 2 sausage shaped but lumpy. It was a little lumpy. What was yours?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horrendous. And then you farted in the bedroom. I couldn't go in there. It was just bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All that, see? See, but I asked you yesterday and you're like, I just had some chicken breasts on the plane and, uh, you didn't mention bad eating at the club. The night before. Now the truth comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, I think the dipping sauce is, it's what pushes, like all the mixtures of those strong tastes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now walk me through, now you were in first class, obviously. Yeah, of course. Diamond medallion. Yeah. And were there a lot, were there a lot of people waiting? Cause on those short flights sometimes people stand in line and it's horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh I know, I smelled them all. And then I made you eat pizza. We ordered a pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time I talk to you, we're having a nice moment, we're cuddling with the kid or the dog, like we're having a nice family moment and you're always like, I gotta shit. I gotta go, I gotta take a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though, I've also, um, read things where a lot of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I did some shows, I, I went, uh, I did the Ice House, I did the Comedy Store, I did Flappers, had lunch with Sarah Burns, who's been on the show, we had Mexican food, that was pretty interesting, and hung out with the kid, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad came over with, uh, my uncle Steve and that was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice house, this is nice. You know, they don't really, my family's not very effusive. Nice, that's as good as it's going to get for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's really into Ellis, boy, my dad really. Look at this kid, this kid wants to move. This kid's gonna be walking soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody in my family thinks that the kid looks like you and everybody in your family thinks the kid looks like me. Isn't that weird?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, yeaah, that's right, yeaah. Hungarians are great at chess and polo. Water polo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty Hungarian. That's just standard, dude. Cause if you smile, they see it as a sign of weakness. Like Eastern blockers, if you're like, hi, I'm Christina. They're like, this girl's fucking retarded. They think you're retarded and weak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like whenever we go to restaurants and a waitress would be kind, like, hi folks, can I, like, what is folks? Fuck you, don't call me folks. Like they're just so upset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and like, they get super mad and like, did you, uhm, leave any room for dessert? Or like, when they ask you that question, like, like they're so offended by it. It's so funny. I guess in Hungary they don't ask you that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's a little softer because he travels and he's like kinda more hippie leaning a little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes to India and he went to Goa and like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a trip, man. Especially hanging out with your family, where you guys are a little more normal and Americanized. Like I didn't realize how cold my family was. Just like ice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeaah, that's okay, that's a possibility. You know why I heard the porno industry happen there? It's because the Russian mafia, once communism ended, the Russians came in and just started doing all that business there. They took over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huge deal. And he's doing like this Q&A with the comics afterwards in the audience, I guess. And our friend, Brian Redban, raises his hand and goes, I have a question. Do you wipe standing up or sitting down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hilarious. I think it's so funny. Apparently not a lot of people agreed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Seriously. God, how much money does that guy have?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people were mad. People weren't happy about that. A lot of comics were upset with Brian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, I liked watching them bicycle tandem. Do you think they rub them out together at the same time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Creepy, they're like, uh, what is that movie? Jack Nicholson, The Shining, The Shining Twins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she's fully resigned to momhood. You can see here, she's wearing the hoodie, but she's still tying it. It's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's the thing, okay? Okay? You don't have to be a supermom, I'm not saying that, and I'm not shitting on her for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm shitting, here's what I'm shitting on. Just try. All it is is work with what God gave you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also a little Lady Di circum, that's, you know what it is? I think she was going for Lady Diana, 1980. And, you know, it looks dated. It's a little dated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a feathery look. Yea, this is the ultimate, I don't want to touch a dick ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I wonder what Claire's butthole smells like this season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, my friends and I were like, we're going to go, we bought tickets. And if you're not really participating in something like that, it's so fucking uncomfortable because the room just smells like a hot diaper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were young and like hip looking, and I'm like, you guys are definitely from here. And they're like, no, we just moved here from Birmingham. I'm like, pfft, good for you, dude. That is huge, you know. We have like one listener in Birmingham.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We literally had like 10 boxes. I'm like, baby, what did you do, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what, oh, I couldn't see that. Yeah, he's cleaning up the streets. I think that's what that metaphor is. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time travel. Wow, that kind of ruins a few episodes of our show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not. They're making this sound like you bidet as opposed to using the toilet paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there are these, these little figures down at the bottom. I guess they kinda look like, like flames as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say maybe those are often


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little bunches of flames underneath it, or maybe more just the creative energy that's coursing through his veins all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could also just be, you know, that having to be, having to be this, this adult, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] April 1 and 2 for reals guys. Flippers, comedy club, and sperm bank. One night only, April 20th. Hey man, 420. Hey that's Hitler's birthday, did you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shop using our Amazon banner. If you're shopping on Amazon, I beg you, use your momshousepodcast.com. Go there, click on the homepage as a banner, and just do your shopping as you normally would. That's all you have to do to support our show. Thank you, goodbye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy goes, uhm, is that Kane's story real?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the bank, you're a super fan. You have a fan there who works at the, at the branch we go to. Oh yea?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, is that Kane story real? And I was like, it sure is. And we have a t-shirt for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, somebody- You should tell- oh. Oh, shit, Biscuits. How can we get that to stop happening? Someone wrote in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us how, cause apparently it happens on Joe's show too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, cause he asked me and I was like, I was delirious. I'm like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but the very first time we did it was like near Fairfax, wasn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So great. And we started doing that and that was the same year we started, like when we pulled into a stoplight and there was some pedestrian standing there and you farted in the car, remember? And I would yell at the pedestrian, my husband farted!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a fun, my favorite moment with you ever in my life in the last 15 to 47 years we've been together. Remember that time we were eating brunch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you ask the busboy in Spanish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go, you just said, I have to shit, where's the bathroom? Yes. But say it, say it in Mexican.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so- I didn't remember him- the phrase, yeaah. That was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it fits me perfectly like a glove. I think it looks better on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you wear this, just get a good look at what you've been wearing. That's why I put it on today. So you can feel the experience that I've been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I know you're not cheating on me. Because there's no woman in the world that's gonna lay you wearing the jellyfish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you say that? So retarded. That's so embarrassing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She felt good about herself that day, like you know when like... Confident, right? She was like, I did a good deed by talking to that really nice, retarded boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, they would have just thought that you were like an eccentric millionaire. If you're in first class, now you're just the eccentric guy with the jellyfish sweater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I just point out that you were hacking coughing last week? And you cough like an old black guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all black dudes cough. You ever heard an old black guy on the bus cough?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not what you were doing. You're so gross cause you do it in a two step process, like you bring up the phlegm and then you work it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who can watch those fucking dumb shows anyways? Who the fuck is watching Good Morning anything? Have you tried watching those piece of shit morning shows? We do them for a living.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they do that? Why do they make the morning shows extra upbeat? Like, don't you prefer to listen to someone that's at your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speed, like what, they should have more, like us, like, hey guys, it sucks, I'm awake, fucking hate it. I bet you hate it being awake right now too. Anyways, here's the news, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good morning show I could get into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's so patriotic. I had no idea that America goes the fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we, are the puppets gonna come out from fucking, yeah. Really crazy. Matt and Trey Parker are gonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a world full of jeans, only summertime isn't that crazy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we were sitting on the couch and we're looking at each other like, wait, is this really fucking happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see, I didn't get the very first, sorry. This is, this is all we got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That really bothers me. In a world full of only some know how to fly, isn't that crazy? It's crazy, never gonna survive unless we're a little crazy. Like alright, pick a different word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's not a cool song, but it's kinda cool. This part, this part, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are counterculture and he was, he was not counterculturing. Your dad was very... No, no. Yeaah. He went to Vietnam voluntarily. Yes. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why we're saying, hey Hitler, are the genes? Like, I love that it makes no sense to people outside of the, with the bombs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were, and also our son was on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't believe it's finally happening. After how many years of doing the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it could be happy birthday to you Nicholas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she is, she is asking Adolf Hitler for help. She is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that for real? $600 per set of keys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause then we decided, cause that's where we found them last time, was pockets. So now we're convinced that it's in the pockets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I pulled a bunch of clothes aside to donate, and now I have to go through the bag of donation pockets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, so you left the house, and you put the heat on me. You're like, you have to find these, you have to find these. So I look, I tore apart, I went through your backpack. You did?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I put my hand through everything and then finally I look in the kitchen, by the oven, on the floor, and it's there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause we have a little hook we're supposed to put them on with the dog leashes and we didn't even look. So, you know, someone tried to put them up, they fell down, probably me. And then I just ignore it like I always do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there you go, we got the jeep keys. So the saga is over, guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, no, dude, this week. Tomorrow I go to the dentist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my mom mouth is beginning and I'm really nervous about it. Whaaaaat? Yea, I haven't been brushing or flossing as much and I- Yea. Yea. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So tomorrow I go in for my cleaning. Hey Hitler, and we'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. I'm preparing myself, but I'm gonna wear my earbuds during the cleaning and I'm gonna listen to podcasts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, cause hours fly by with that kid. You're just keeping it alive before you know it, you haven't showered, you haven't shit yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, you get pregnant if you drink Starbucks lattes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little suspicious how anti-gay he is, you know what I mean? A little, I really hate sucking cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You heard differently. I don't know if the earth is round. I don't know if that's the truth about Starbucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think when people hate on a group that much, there's something going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those delicious testicles and succulent penises. You know what I mean? It's a lot. It's a lot. His hatred for the gays. Little suspect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi mommy. Hi mommy. That's really nice. I wish you hadn't told me the story behind that clip, but I still like it. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said you got some emails, people telling you you were crazy for laughing at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. It is funny how he says that though, I do like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, just out of it. She was alive when Hillary was around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's two quid. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Okay. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. But it's like, it's not how the queen talks. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? They laugh at their own shit during their set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, I feel like he's one of those, you know what I'm saying? You go to, like that kind of thing. You go to the gym.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to go to Southport. I did the two quid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's the prices in Lancashire? Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a dad- these are all dad jokes. Uhm, I could- Ugh, I love that guy's laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lancaster. Okay, and could you, I mean, could you explain the jokes? I just don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The laugh is amazing. Do you do stand up comedy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. You look like, you sound like Michael Caine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish people would do that to American radio people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly. Yeah, they're really young girls. I don't think they knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, for me, okay, uhm, the 9th of March.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Mary Lynn Rice Cub, Joe Rogan, Greg Fitzsimmons. What? Yeah, we're doing a fundraiser for, uh, Mary Lynn's kids' school, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it should be really fun. It's the Comedy Store on March 9th. Please come out and help us raise funds for these, these stupid kids that are stupid and they need money, I guess. For books and things. If they even have books anymore, it's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These poor white kids, okay. And then, uhm, uh, April 1st and 2nd at Flappers, Flappers in Sperm Bank, California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Ventura Comedy Club. Get your tickets now, the link should be up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uhm, the 27th of May and the 28th I'm at the La Jolla Comedy Store in La Jolla, California. That's fancy San Diego.


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[Assistant] What's that? I like it. Is that a new character you're working on for your act?


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[Assistant] Guys, if you shop on Amazon, would you please use our banner? Uhm, all you have to do is go to your momshousepodcast.com, click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage, and just do your shopping as you normally would, and it kicks back some change.


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[Assistant] It's very exciting. Tom and I have been putting up little teasers for these episodes on our Instagrams.


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[Assistant] Or I also don't believe the, uhm, the proclamations of how much they love each other. Like, I'm just the luckiest woman in the world. My husband's a bit like, mm, okay, what's going on?


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[Assistant] So he's talking about busting nuts.


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[Assistant] He's only got butt two nuts to bust. I ain't got butt two nuts to bust!


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[Assistant] So, that's a shout out to Jimmy.


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[Assistant] Alright, ugh, so good. I like that Street Fighter though, that's my new favorite, you know what I'm saying?


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[Assistant] Who do you think has the most, you know what I'm saying? I know we did this one time where we tallied up.


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[Assistant] You know what I'm saying and then there's you know, you know what I mean, now I'm saying, there's so many variants on it.


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[Assistant] That guy was drunk in our old neighborhood. That was the really old hood.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I really like it, but it's too far. With baby genes, we can't be...


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[Assistant] Might be. Yeah, we never properly settled in here.


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[Assistant] We have a Pilates studio beneath us, and then this asshole next door. You know these dickheads who talk on speakerphone and they think everybody wants to hear what they say?


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[Assistant] I'm excited to move. Uh, we have hired movers. This is one thing we've learned as adults. Don't do it yourself. Do not move your damn self. You know what I'm saying?


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[Assistant] So it's going to be relatively stress free, I'm hoping.


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[Assistant] Do you remember, do you remember we gave away, I had a television that my dad gave me in 1989, and you forced me to throw it away, it was a Toshiba.


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[Assistant] Can I tell you what I liked about that apartment building? Is that there was a garbage chute?


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[Assistant] So you, it was, that's, that is the best. If you live in an apartment where they have a, just a shoot and you can, you can throw anything down, and we were throwing.


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[Assistant] No, and when we, uh, when we decided we were gonna move on up and out of there, we finally made a little bit of money, I'll never forget we got out on the patio, we had a patio.


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[Assistant] And we launched that champagne bottle, remember?


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[Assistant] Can you believe there was only one washer and one dryer for an entire floor of people in that complex? And how disgusting looking back that we shared.


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[Assistant] That's, uh, how you know you've, you're an adult is when you have your own washer and dryer. Yeah. And we moved into Silver Lake, I was like, oh, this is it, dude. This is big time. And it cost us, I remember I, I remember being like, oh, this is really expensive. You know?


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[Assistant] Another move. Here we go. Every three years our assholes itch and we gotta move.


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[Assistant] I'm so fucking upset about this. Uhm, about shaky cheese, did you hear this?


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[Assistant] I do, I love crab shaky cheese more than I like real shaved parmesan. I also take a shit.


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[Assistant] And also when I shit and I wipe, wipe, wipe, I just go to the shower. Those are two things everybody should know about.


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[Assistant] It's laced with exceedingly high levels of cellulose, quote, a common anti-clumping agent made from wood pulp.


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[Assistant] I think I have to stop eating it. That's really gnarly. I can't do that. I've been eating it my whole life too, just wood shavings.


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[Assistant] I'm really excited. And it's in the downstairs bathroom. So I have to shit down there so I can clean.


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[Assistant] So does it hurt every day? Yeah. You, you shit so much this weekend. I feel like every- No I didn't.


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[Assistant] It's not that it's abnormal, but your norm is that you're constantly shitting.


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[Assistant] No, it's not the diary, it's just that you're always shitting. Like we're watching Downton Abbey, I'll go take a shit. Or like, I'm playing with a kid, I gotta shit. You're shitting all day. Like is there a time you're not shitting? Yes.


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[Assistant] But you're talking about just the sweet treats. Cause there's sugar in like so much of our food anyways.


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[Assistant] I need like pasta and carbohydrates and cheese.


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[Assistant] Like, duh, no shit. It was like, no shit, dummy. Like, you really, it was rude.


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[Assistant] Wait, why especially me? Cause you say it extra shitty. What? Your extra, you get an extra attitude. Extra? No shit.


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[Assistant] It would warrant like a, oh, yeah, that's right. I've been thinking about getting her this.


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[Assistant] Especially at a wedding, like everybody's in a good mood. We just watch two people we love get married and we're all dressed nice. She's like, Oh yeah, your wife's pregnant. This is a happy time. And she just made an innocent suggestion and you were so like cantankerous, you know? No shit.


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[Assistant] Why is it so annoying when people tell you to do stuff where you're like, look, I do stuff my way, okay? Don't tell me how to fucking do it. This is how I do it here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially for me as a woman, I'm not very good at womanly things. I don't give a fuck about cleaning, decorating, uh, sewing, you know what I mean? I'm not good at these lady things. I just don't give a fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when other women come over and they notice that I'm deficient in this area and then I get schooled on how to be a woman, that makes me bonkers. You know, the curtains would be, I don't give a fuck. This is not my domain.


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[Assistant] I write shit jokes for a living. This is not where my energy goes, you know?


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[Assistant] Especially us, cause we're real, like, we're big on utility, okay? I don't know if you, uh, our couch that we got, it's a lazy boy.


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[Assistant] Well, I think too what's, what's infuriating is that it comes from a nice place when people are trying to give you unsolicited advice. So, you know, they want to help you.


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[Assistant] Because that's a trigger, we both have, my mother was very controlling, you know how you should do these things, and like, shut the fuck up.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I saw it in your face. That's the killer in you just came out. Oh shit. You're dork-sided.


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[Assistant] Oh, fuck them. I'm so sick of these neighbors. Oh, fuck me. Go fuck themselves too, big time. I'm doing whatever the fuck they want. Hey, I like this guy. Does he talk more about stuff? He talks all kinds of shit. I feel like he needs a podcast.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like you got like a dope ass ride, but your gear's all fucked up, you know?


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[Assistant] Oh right, yeaah, they're often not the uhm, how do you say, brightest people on the internet.


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[Assistant] What in the fucking nonsense is this guy talking about? I don't know. It's crazy.


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[Assistant] Or like, uhm, you know, I go to Michael's Arts and Crafts, I used to a lot, and there's like the purple lady, where she wears all purple every day, and she's in there, and you're like, that's my thing, I'm the purple lady, and you're like, no, no, no, you've got a lot of misdirected creative energy.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like the snake guy who walks down the b- I'm the snake guy. Like, no, no, no. You're someone who's got this energy that needs to be directed to something productive.


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[Assistant] You know, there's so many ills in the world too that this guy could help. I feel like people like him, like if you don't have a direction in life, why not volunteer to hug, like,


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[Assistant] Adopted newborns or something or something. Like go feed the homeless or do fucking something else. Stop wasting your meaningless life with the fucking insane clown posse, you weirdo.


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[Assistant] I don't mean to talk shit about jeans, but they're really not that comfortable. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I said it, I'm out. I'm wearing maternity jeans, they're comfy.


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[Assistant] What happens is, maternity jeans, yea, they're real denim, but then right above your pubic bone area, they put like a piece of stretchy spandex-y cloth, so that-


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[Assistant] You don't feel like a fat load. You know when you button your jeans and it cuts your stomach in two? Cause you're fucking, you know, when you're fat.


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[Assistant] I just bought a pair of jeans that were too big like that and they were low and loose.


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[Assistant] Can I tell you what I really fucking hate? Light denim.


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[Assistant] Yes, uhm, who knows what's going on there. Sorry, I didn't expect that.


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[Assistant] So he could be with all the other asshole nazis in Argentina.


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[Assistant] It does go hand in hand. What's with smearing it on the face? That's a-


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[Assistant] Like this all started from, this actually came from a listener submission.


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[Assistant] So one of our listeners sent in his video and there was like 30 video views on it.


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[Assistant] The part of the water's part. Hey, can I bring up something before I forget?


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[Assistant] Yeah, she died of cancer. She was smoking and drinking and partying, you know? I don't know. She lived it up. She had huge fake tits, huge fake lips. She was really quite a personality. Yeah. But I'm sad. I really liked Big Ange. I thought she was cool. And uh, rest in peace. Rest in peace. Massage. Facial. Get straight. Do it in heaven.


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[Assistant] I know we met him in South Africa and everybody was like, oh my god, this guy's really famous. And I'm like, who? And then he's super nice to us. Oh yeah, he's handsome. I thought he was younger.


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[Assistant] He looks mild-mannered. Can I tell you who I'm gonna go for?


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[Assistant] He'll slay your cooch, you know? Like you really give it a prison pounding, like, oh my god.


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[Assistant] No, I think he's more like, he looks sweeter. He's nice, we met him. He's too sweet.


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[Assistant] I think Denzel beats it up and tosses it out, as you say. Oh yeah, that's right, there he is. Yeah, there you are.


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[Assistant] Isn't it amazing that people, like, uhm, uhm, the guy, Officer Brody on, uhm, Homeland, he's, he's, uh, is he an Australian?


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[Assistant] You wouldn't know, I didn't know the whole time I was watching that show. Okay, now here's the thing, but Danzell, I see what you're saying, that Idris is like newer and more enthusiastic.


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[Assistant] And what's his tagline when he jizzes, you know, the porno


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[Assistant] You always have to do it on the beat, right? Say hello to Hitler! Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Because he's been in the game longer, he's had so much poon.


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[Assistant] He's more creative. He's gonna make you do things like lick his toes. Really get in there.


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[Assistant] Lick his armpits. You might rub shit on your face, that kind of stuff.


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[Assistant] Oh she, oh yeaah, she gave a really crazy speech.


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[Assistant] She was like, this is what I deserve. I'm a fucking, you know, she kind of an asshole. Yeah. A little bit.


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[Assistant] She just was very arrogant and like, she was running the light and she was like, I deserve, I can say what the fuck I want, I earned this shit.


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[Assistant] Devastate somebody, if you want to make them cry, if you want to haunt their memories, you're gonna do Viola. You, personally.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's just, it's a style thing. Do you want to hurt somebody or do you want, you know?


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[Assistant] Well, I don't- I'm not as experienced as you are. I haven't-


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[Assistant] Done as much. I need a pig to turn me out, you know what I mean?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go with the other one. Yeah, cause she's kind of a bitch. I feel like she would just take over and I could just kind of hang out and not do much. So that'd be cool.


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[Assistant] Okay, finally. I've been dying to fucking do this one. Okay, so, would you rather? Okay.


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[Assistant] And his beard, like you know how he goes in the backyard and he licks in the dirt and he comes in and it's covered in dirt. And just, you smelled his mouth, like his mouth smells like a fucking fish market. And it's so gross. And his teeth are all cruddy. You gotta lick the fur around his mouth, his lips, and his teeth.


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[Assistant] Or, every time you gotta go potty, number one and number two, you have to go outside with the dogs. Every time? I let you out, I'm like, Tommy, you gotta go potty? Gotta go potty?


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[Assistant] The beard, the mouth, the lips, the teeth. You just kind of give it a thorough lick and it smells horrible. He's been drinking whiskey and smoking.


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[Assistant] Okay, so then one month of you peeing and pooping outside with the dogs. But it's every time I let the dogs out, you go with them. And you piss. And you shit in our yard.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I'll say. The gardener's gonna be like, uhm, you gotta pay me more for this, man. I cannot pick up human shit, dude.


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[Assistant] These are people shi- Well here's the thing, is that, he kind of doesn't pick up the dog shit.


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[Assistant] But here's the thing bro, is I'd make it nice for you. I'd put some toilet paper out there. I'd put like a stool.


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[Assistant] Cause I only shit once a day, not like you. You shit five times a day.


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[Assistant] I kinda wanna see you shit in our yard though, I think it'd be pretty funny. You're squatting and shitting.


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[Assistant] People are just too quick to say, uh, Connor's picking what he wants, Connor's doing what he wants. I am picking what I want and I am doing what I want. When you can rack up 400 million dollars in revenue for the company.


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[Assistant] I just want everybody to know that I love Nancy Grace. She gave me and Copper Cow a autograph.


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[Assistant] It's the thing to watch. And Bill O'Reilly if you're into politics. I had to have my teeth in when I talked about Bill O'Reilly. Because, you know, people won't listen to you if you're toothless. Now you know they won't listen to you if you're toothless.


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, I don't understand the internet really. I don't understand all this. I don't really know what the hell I'm doing.


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[Assistant] But anyway, uh, I just want to tell everybody that I love Nate's Grace and to watch her.


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[Assistant] We had the old like giant bomb stuff in the office.


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[Assistant] Someone did, uhm, everyone's been posting their Spotify raps, and it's been, first of all, amazing to see how many people, how many users. Shoutouts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely. Cause yeaah, we, we have a new show as well and we usually record it on Thursdays, go for Fridays and uh, we're like, are you guys gonna do Spot On from LA? And I was like, no.


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[Assistant] I mean... Overall, I like- as a- as a spectacle.


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[Assistant] It's a fun show, but there were definitely points in it where I was like, has it forgotten that it's called the Game Awards?


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[Assistant] And I genuinely wonder, because I noticed this year more than ever, Jeff was referring to it as TGAs.


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[Assistant] I get that Cimalu is a gamer, like he's done game awards before and he is in Stormgate.


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[Assistant] I mean, surprisingly, I mean, Matt Mercer was up there, but like normally you get like Laura Bailey or Troy Baker or like, I mean Ed Boone, I guess, and Vin Sampella was there, so I guess that was. That was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. She's not a gamer at all. Right. Hasn't played games since like we played games together when we were kids. Right.


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[Assistant] It's a trade like Hollywood Reporter and Variety Reporter doing their stuff, and if you get the big names, you get there, you get the ads. I mean, I guess. It's like, it's part of the ecosystem, it's the unfortunate reality of, part of it of putting a show together. Yeah, sure.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry, I'm gonna get hate for this.


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[Assistant] But anyway, yeah, no, Alan, we're getting, uh, like, direction, uh, art, and narrative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I get, like, they had Todd in the audience, and I know that was mostly for the Fallout moment. I mean, I guess. Yeah, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's inclusion because in 2020, like,


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[Assistant] And then I can't remember if they did that for game awards. Oh no, they wouldn't have done it because it was happening, but like, yeah, for 2021, that was just nothing because I had fun at all. And so I wonder if this is like the, not the make good, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a category that it was kind of jammed into because it adds to the redemption story.


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[Assistant] I'm, I'm genuinely happy for CDPR. Like, it's, that game, it's, and seeing Pavel and, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gabe up there and it was like, you could tell that award really meant a lot to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know, cause like a few people have gone there recently. Okay.


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[Assistant] I was gonna say, cause we were in the lobby of the hotel, we were meeting some people, and he walked past and I was like, they've won something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone at Nintendo was told...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were sat next to, uh, the Capcom team. Oh, nice. And, uh, when they were, like, they clearly didn't know when the Monster Hunter trailer was going on. Right. Because the poor guy next to me, every time Jeff got on stage he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, that's what I thought it was. Okay, cool. A show. That's cool. A series that I have not seen in, like, a long time. Oh, okay, right. I was gonna say you've not seen it, but I'm wearing the shirt. No, I have seen it. No, uh, but my friend Jen texted me and she was like, do you like evangelism?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yes, we all use AG1, and uh, here is your chance to start every day this season with a little gift to yourself. You can try AG1 and get a free 1 year supply.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of Vitamin D3K2 and 5 free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash friends. Uh, that's drinkag1.com slash friends. Check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I didn't hate that trailer. Well, there you go. Rumblings from the alpha is that it's good. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did not get its, uh, flowers. But I mean, actually it's kind of weird, like we were saying earlier that now all movies and TV shows are borrowing from games. And then in the superhero space that is kind of reversed because no one gives a shit about Marvel movies at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause Capcom were like, we got a big game. But I thought they said 2024 for that big game. So when Monsanto was 25, I was like, oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder, I- I'm- I really enjoy the Everton-Fackens dogma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was one of those trailers that's just trying to tug on the old nostalgia strings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was gonna say, like, with Persona, like, the re-releasing, the old hits, and I know that, you know, obviously the Persona team, whatever, but like, I really wonder how P3 is gonna be, like, reload. Because if they're putting Karen...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He also says, like, didn't he say it was the next stage in entertainment? He said something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starfield aside, but I think Xbox had a great show with it being attached to the Kojima thing, obviously, but also the, um, the Hellblade stuff. Still no bloody release date on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if it was sooner rather than later, they'd be like wishless now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The key art rips. Like, the hands on the face. That was really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you have, I assume you have to have Dave the Diver and then there's just like dredged content in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] End of the year thing. I mean, some of the stuff could- I mean, Xbox do it now. Like, PlayStation do it. They have like- Their showcases. Yeah, like spread throughout the year. Nintendo does it. It just feels like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as you can put together a good enough show, people will remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I'm going into early access. This year? Uh, 24? Sorry?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's wild. I heard a story years ago that a game wanted to have, and it was a Square Enix game, and they wanted to have a character hum a tune from Final Fantasy in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I told my, uh, my sister I'm getting the kids a Switch and I was like, I'll get you some games and whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My sister went, oh, they really want to play building games. And I just went, do not download Roblox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna mix emotions, but you know how you can have, you have the detachable, the detachable, upright mice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm the master of Asian accent, cause I dated a Chinese guy. Remember that comic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't look at those. People are like, what? You look great. You look amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really fun, really big club. Beautiful club. They really did a great job at the improv there. You're gonna like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we plugged mine at the Comedy Store, May 27th, 20th in La Jolla. Also, come see me, I'm at the Comedy Store here in Hollywood most Saturdays at the 7.30pm show. Come see me. Lineups are killer. I just did the show this last Saturday, Marc Maron was there. Judd Apatow, little indie filmmaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Dane Cook was doing spots. The store is on fire right now. Go, go to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing too, guys, if you've done it before, thank you for using our Amazon banner. But if you're shopping on Amazon, I please, please beg you, use your mom's house, podcast.com's portal, go to the banner at the bottom of our homepage, click on it and do your shopping as normally would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Joey came on our show back when your mom's house we were filming in our house in Silverlake. Yeaah. Old school. Old school. This was before I really knew him. I just, I just met the guy and he was telling a story about taking a shit on a tree in his backyard. You remember that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not like that, but you were like, uuuh, you were like, you just went, you went, uh, it looks like MacGyver. And then I just stopped wearing it for like a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was intense. And when I told you about that clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's funny though, as uhm, like all the black people I follow on Instagram, they're all lighting up this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know we get the, hey, let's go take a shower together. It's been a good few years since we've done that. And it starts off okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then my, so I'm like, okay, but I'll let that slide, I don't say anything to you. And then you spread your ass cheeks, you spread them, and you're not doing this as a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and all that I can even tolerate until you blue snot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm walking free and maybe I'd come in and...


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[Assistant] Did I tell you about the wife? I talked about this on the show, but I'll talk about it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi mommies, I was taking my regular dump this morning when I let out the usual pre-brown fart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think putting uhm, circumstances around a double pipe classic isn't fair, because look, they're like Haley's Comet, they come around so rarely. It doesn't really matter how one has a double pipe, or just that one has a double pipe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love her. She had that weird, yea, that weird affectation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's honestly stupid. Uh, but anyway, I think they just did it for the show. Like, not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is the new phone number. Not even new anymore. Maybe a year. And I keep getting random text and random voicemails. I just got this one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Saturday, 10.35 p.m., and all it says is, sticks on deck. The fuck does that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I thought, like maybe it's a sexting thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, sure. And then I, I texted my millennial friend and she said it sounds like, hold on. Sounds like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, okay, that's one excellent theory, uh, Brownlock, or she's got like maybe that the old number saved in her phone and there's two numbers for one person. You ever have that? Like a new one and an old one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the childhood stars. I can't, Cindy Lauper I would say is another great, he's 57, he was 57. But he was a genius level. Genius.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought he had maybe HIV or something and nobody knew. Who knows? We'll find out. He's so talented. He wrote songs for so many people too, which is the crazy part. It's shit that you don't even know that guy was responsible for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember, uh, Purple Rain came out. I bought the album when I was a little girl. Really? Seven or eight years old. I had it on, I had a 33 of When Doves Cry and on the back was 17 Days was another song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like this earlier stuff too, Paisley Park and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, there you go. But I really, I loved Prince as a little girl. I thought he was just amazed. He still is, was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, why not Justin Bieber? Take him, God. Instead you're taking the good ones. You know, and there really isn't a climate to nurture artists as weird as Prince now. If you look at it, it's just gone. Look at people like Patti Smith, like these weird androgynous people, Prince.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even Bowie, right? These gender non-binary, uh, people, if you will. It's, it's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] President Obama went to London and was taking, taking questions from the audience and a Pakistani person came out as non-binary to President Obama and that was on Twitter and we were like, what's non-binary?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally. I'm like, I'm Demi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So your son and I thought it would be romantic and loving to take a shower together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and then he blows snot. He puts one finger on one nostril and pushes the snot out of the other one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh I think, yeah, he's, well he's poly, he's polyamorous, bisexual, but he's non-binary. So he's not attracted to either sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was talking about the bathroom thing with North Carolina with my dad and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I noticed? Is that she will talk longer about gross things she doesn't like if it's coming from me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they tested her poopies to see if there's some kind of viral whatever and it's not that. She is just stupid and she's eating stuff in the backyard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the vet was like, you know what? Some dogs are dumb and just eat everything. So we had to get a special dog food to offset the fact that she will just eat horrible things and give herself diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I, uh, I watched a Hitler movie. Oh. On Netflix called Look Who's Back. It's a German film and it was actually pretty good. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it took a neat, uh, twist. I didn't think it would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, that's exciting guys. Pick up your shorts, do your shopping on Amazon, get on LinkedIn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. I think we covered a lot of topics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean everybody knows the answer to this, I feel like it's kind of a no-brainer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think he's got anything extraordinary going on down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of dick, I mean, what would be your ideal dick to have? Ideal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for watching, if you're watching, and if you're not watching, why aren't you watching us on YouTube? Silly jeans, you better get your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You know, the feedback has been tremendous in terms of your talent. So, let me read some other Twitter compliments. The Asian accents, they love that. They think your English is the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lucy, can I just be honest with you? Ever since I've met you, there's been many nights where you're out til 3 in the morning drinking. If there is a party, Lucy James rolls deep. It's not a surprise. Lucy shows up to rock and roll, my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy ruled. It was great. Terry's the best. Yeah, man. That was, that was surreal, Ben. Cause I, I have known of you on the internet for years and we've had tons and tons and tons of mutuals, but that was the first time that you and I actually met and spoke in person. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Brian, let's just kind of jump into it. Uhm, before we jump into Marvel's Spider-Man 2, let's start at obviously the first game in Miles Morales. What was it like to be handed the keys to the kingdom of Spider-Man at this point? Cause we hadn't had a Spider-Man game that people had really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it like to be handed those keys and just kind of given that blank slate of doing whatever you guys would like to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to the, the two Spider-Man and the stories, obviously you guys are masters at kind of balancing them. It really, to me, playing the game, it, it blew me away because I, and, and I say this with the utmost respect, it sound, it felt like I was playing and, and, or watching a really solid Sam Raimi Spider-Man film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That kind of, that kind of camera time because you know, everyone's going to want to play as miles for a little bit, but can't forget about Peter. I mean, that's, that's gotta be a tug of war that you guys had to kind of go through. It was really hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, not, not to cut you off, but I think one of the things that's that I'm most fascinated about Marvel's Spider-Man 2 is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How everyone is right and everyone is wrong at the same time in every


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I legit would fast travel after taking a break from the game and I'd boot it back up. I would fast travel just to get into it because there's, it's just so cinematic. Just the way the camera moves and pushing into the city. It's something straight out of, out of the films and it's just so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other thing about NordVPN is that they excel at amazing speeds. It's confirmed by various speed tests all over the world online that NordVPN is the fastest VPN out there in the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I specifically actually used NordVPN recently, uh, cause I was in London and I wanted to watch Tulsa King and I couldn't, so I used a VPN so I could watch the whole show. Let me tell you, I ended up really loving Tulsa King. So without NordVPN, I couldn't have done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny you say that, Ralph, because this time around, in my opinion, the side quests and like the, the kind of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Encountering of things is the most streamlined process that's ever been out of all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's, all of it feels light, all of it feels quick, all of it feels super like well earned and very easy to get through as opposed to like, we're going to have several stories, several, several mini quests or, or many, you know, there's, they're everywhere. It feels so much more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About like, taking a break from the main story, just to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, kinda like, hey, we just had a huge story beat, that was a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Branch out and go do something fun. Only one or two things. Not fifteen, not three hundred. Just like one or two things. Go check it out. And if you don't, you don't wanna do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go right back into the story. That was super refreshing to me, just to like, let the player


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also dumb thing I didn't figure out before it was too late because of my dumb completion brain. If you upgrade in the skill tree, the ability to track


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I flew all over the place to find them all, and then I found that afterwards that was a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To your, to your, to your credit Lucy, I did the exact same thing. No, no regrets because, uh, at some point in the game you unlock


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These combat challenges that are all super challenging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But doing them over and over again gives you rewards in those parts. And so that's where I was like, okay, time to beef up the boys. And that's where I got super powerful and upgraded all of my, my moves and my, and my health from that. But yes, I agree with you. And it doesn't, it didn't ruin it. It was still fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were just talking about Brian and one of the things I said to him, which I, I still think about since I completed the game is that this game is about people not communicating to each other. There's so much of this, like, man, if Harry said this to Peter,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, if they just, and it's just, it's, cause that's what life is, right? It's just like, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get mad at people, we get mad at each other cause like, and we don't know how to deal with our emotions and our feelings. And there's a high schooler who is Spider-Man who is more mature than most of the characters in this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're still just as immature and just as ignorant. And we were, we were 16, 15 years old and that game like kind of puts that in you. Like Speeder makes choices. That's like, that's what an 18 year old kid would do. That's what miles would do. And miles at times it's like, I'm the adult mentor in this relationship. And it's like, they kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, no pun intended to kind of sling their way through that back and forth. I just thought it was so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I definitely used it in tandem. Like I, I, I felt like the best way to get the best of both worlds was to use the web swinging and the web suit. And what I would often do is I would use the web swinging to get my momentum and then I would use the, uh, the web suit just to get those two


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like huge moves that like propel you high up in the sky and then forward. I'd use, I'd use those back to back and then I would just collide all the way. Cause I'd be too high above the city skyline to that point. And so I would just glide all the way through. Then once the building came by, I'd go back to swinging. And at that point, if you, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Upgraded your Spider-Man a certain way, you can make it so you can refresh those skills even faster. So I just found myself constantly launching myself, web, web, web suiting, swinging, swinging, swinging, launching myself. Like I just kept doing that and I just felt like I was speed running all over the city all the time. It was sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say, speaking as the completionist as that's my job, this is the most fun one to complete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so easy. It's so flipping easy to complete and the game begs you to do it all the way through. If you thought the first two were easy, this is even easier and it's a very well earned platinum. Um, it's not difficult by any means. It's just fun. And that's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's a good platinum trophy in my opinion. Are you having a good time? Cool. Are you done? Sick. There's a couple of different things to do. Like I beat the game and then I had one activity left to do. I did it and I got the platinum and it was, and it was based around like a lock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that was supposed to happen. So I was like, great. I completed the game without even thinking about completing the game. And that was so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it took me 31 hours to complete. Okay. And it was a very casual 31 because I loved it. Just swinging around and getting in fights and getting fast travel points by solving nearby crimes. Like I took my sweet time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of, one of the, not, not, not to get spoilers for spoiler territory, but there's two trophies that are about like visiting an old place from previous locations. And that was really great because you just have to think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My experience in the first two games and what I did and it felt really cool because like, Oh, it's in this district in this place. Yeah. I wonder if that's what it's talking about. Go to this place. No, not that one. Let me try this one. And you start like rethinking about the story of Miles Morales and Spider-Man. You go, Oh, of course that's what this is. That was just such a cool thing because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the world has changed. Like yes, this is the same New York from the, from the first two games stitched together with more area, but you have to actually think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cross streets and locations and previous set pieces because so much has happened in the chaos between all three games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the thing about Craving that was, that was really interesting is that it felt very Walter White-y in that, like, when he spoke, we listened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, whenever he was on camera, he was like, I'm gonna talk and I've got you for 15 seconds and this is my scene and this is what I'm doing. Find the fucking Spider-Man. I don't care. Go. Like, had this reverence to him. To the point where Venom shows up, you're like, oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, who, whose attention do I give? Who, who, who is the superior one here? It's, it's just so interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that I, that I've been kind of, cause my video just came out today when this podcast airs, and the whole thing that I kind of centralized on is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, because of the Sam Raimi films, we have, we'll forever have, with great power comes great responsibility imbued in kind of like our vernacular when it comes to Spider-Man. We never say that catchphrase ever again, because of Uncle Ben, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is clearly all of the themes of all the Spider-Man movies to a degree, right? But I think this is the first one that made me go, with great power comes great consequence. And that's what you see throughout this entire game, is that no matter how happy Miles and Peter can become in their normal lives or as Spider-Men,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For many cases, it's Craven. For many cases, it's Venom. Uhm, and in this case, like, there's an incredible scene with Mary Jane in that whole sequence where you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I think this is my favorite one, hands down, just because it's the most real for as, as, even though we're talking about, you know, gigantic Sandman and, and, and symbiote stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think, I think you're right, Ralph. And I think the other thing, sorry, this didn't mean to cut you off. Um, I think the thing that, uh, prior to kind of even God of War getting this, the 2018 reboot, we kind of saw a lot of the multiplayer


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tying gamers together via online games, and you kind of saw a little bit of a drought of only a few people who were doing these huge storage-driven, um, epics, right? And it feels like Sony, um, just kind of doubled downed on it and said, hey, we know we got Last of Us, we know we've got, um, uh, you know, uh, Uncharted with, with, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Naughty dog, but like, and yeah, we did have Infamous with Sucker Punch, but I think there was a bit of a lull where we didn't have a lot of that. And now it's, it's like Sony's big export. It has these single player, first epic story game, first, first perspective. One, I meant to say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different swings. Expectations I feel like have been a bit different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very curated 15 minutes, Lucy. They only made you play what they want to play because even the stages before that that are like in the opening area are even cooler than the ones that they let you play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New Super Mario Brothers and Yoshi's Island were mom and dad and they came together and they had a kid and this kid is called Super Mario Brothers Wonder. Uhm, it is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An aesthetic that you won't expect all the way through and through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are stages that have musical motifs that you are just a part of. Like you, you get the wonder seed and then suddenly like in the bottom right corner of the screen, it's like the name of the song and then, and then like a musical plays and you were like, and Mario's like, what the hell? And he's just trying to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every single stage has a wonder seed and what that wonder seed does is different almost every single time. You have no idea what's going to happen when you touch the wonder seed and it almost ultimately always ends up in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The physics changing the camera angle, changing the mechanics of the game, changing music, music. It's, it is just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You keep thinking yourself every time you get further in the game, how are they going to do it this time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visually speaking, aside from like, you're in a world that's about this theme, almost every stage visually distinct looks different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, Ralph. We're talking about Mario in the last 10 to 15 years. The very least, right? The 2D size scrolling aspect of Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New Mario Bros as a series came along because Nintendo was like, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna keep re-releasing Mario 1, 2, 3 in World on portables. People still love them on the Game Boy Advance. And then when they came to the DS and kind of the future of Mario, they were like, well, we've got the 3D titles. You got 64, you've got Sunshine and Galaxies on the way. And so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New Mario Bros as a series was kind of like a, hey, look, we're coming back to our grassroots. Mario in this game can turn into a big version of himself because of the big shroom. And this, and my new Mario Bros 2, Mario's gold. It's all about collecting coins and money is everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then New Mario Bros U is about the Wii U gamepad for some weird reason and poking platforms and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can become a, like a little, uh, acorn Mario kind of vibe, right? Um, so there hasn't really been a new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mario platformer, like new Mario, like Mario Brothers Wonder is the first true genuine platformer to move on from the new Mario Brothers series, and it already feels way different than anything that came before it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it- I think- Well, I mean, if you count 3D World, 3D World is- Sure. And 3D World and 3D Land, but those aren't like 2D all the way through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was not really a big Spider-Man guy and then became one. It's printing neck and neck at this point. Um, the most interesting thing about it in my opinion is it borrows a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From what was established in things like mario world and new mario bros where like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For instance, special world. Special world has kind of been a term that's been tossed around for many years in the Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, skill check about what you've played in the game so far. So there, I think there are like six or seven worlds total in the game and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each world has an off-branch secret path that takes you to the special world. And when you go to the special world, it's time to buckle the fuck up, cause it's gonna be really, really tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the second, uh, special world, I, I, it's a rhythm level where the platforms at first are like, showing you kindly like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then as you get further, you're going to learn how to wall kick and wall jump. And then you're going on and then the music getting faster and holy shit. The thing that there's lava rising above and now the platforms are moving even faster and now they're getting smaller. And now you, you just, you gotta go Mario. You have to fucking go. And it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're playing it in real time going, oh, I see what you're, oh, I, oh, I, I have to go and you have to just learn. And it's just so exciting because you've played levels like that in previous Mario games. And this game, there are levels that you play that teach you those mechanics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like five, five red stars is like, or, or four or five red stars is like, that's pretty tough. What does purple star mean? Like what is that kind of element? And it's designed to teach you, Hey, this is going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The badge system is fascinating because it's gonna create so many different layers of how to speedrun a stage, let alone how to equate to a stage you're struggling with. You don't need a badge to do anything, but you can get them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't, I haven't even been able to touch any of the online stuff cause, cause no one has like none of my, none of my friends, let alone like the internet around me. Like no one's got the game cause it's not out yet. Everyone's playing it and figuring it out. But, uh, yeah, it's, I'm very excited to check that stuff out because that was a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They fixed the new Mario Bros. Multiplayer issue, where like, in, where you, whenever you play Super Mario 3D World or New Mario Bros. U,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of the chaos is like picking up your brother and throwing him off a cliff. That's gameplay. That's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's fun until you're like, okay, let's play the game. And then you're like, well, I'm not trying to do that anymore or I'm still going to keep doing that. It's really annoying, right? Um, in this, in this case,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go, there you go. That's why you see conflicting perspectives. Uhm, but what I will say is, if you're playing with people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing really gets in the way. It's only additive. So you're not, you're not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Picking each other up and throwing them. Yeaah, you can share powerups and if someone touches them, like, okay, you stole it, but it's no longer like the, hey, let's fuck our friends over and throw them off a cliff. It's like, hey, we're all in this boat together, we're trying to get to the end, uh, it's crazy, it's chaotic, but it's fun in that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and you know why, Ben? Those stupid flowers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't really notice all that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Yeah, it's the same guy. You don't feel all that sad. It's very, I would say, have you guys been paying attention to all the Rick and Morty discourse since they've like changed from? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the point is that the new Rick and Morty actors that are playing Rick and Morty now are actually pretty good. They're like very close to what he sounded like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To your point, Ralph, Nintendo has always been good about, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Family and like content support of like what kids are allowed to play. Like my sister, my sister uses the Nintendo app to control how much my nephew can actually play his Switch. It's very well done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love it if they put so much time and effort into this, that why not go the other way? Where it's like, if you're a Nintendo Switch Online plus user with the Animal Crossing Mario Kart bundle stuff, you also get access to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope that for the next console generation they do take it seriously because this-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, they're missing out on the one aspect of, of, of their piece of the pie. They keep releasing these games that somehow have to operate like F zero 99 just came out and you have a hundred people playing F zero together and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen tons of clips of people having zero problems. I've seen lots of clips of people being upset because the game doesn't run well and they're plugged in on ethernet and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, I wish that if they just pay, if they just give a little TLC, just a little bit, put an ethernet port on my switch. I don't care. Like just give me that option. Cause yes, I can go out and buy an ethernet port, but their online stuff just isn't as, as cohesive as it should be. Totally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me just start off that Sonic was ne- no, I'm just kidding. Uhm, no, so Sonic Superstars is a very okay game. There's nothing offensively wrong with it. It does, it does feel like what would be like a modern evolution of uh, Ben's laughing. I just, I hope so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, hold on, one second. Let me, let me, let me get this, let me just back up a little bit. It's not the game, the game's not bad. It's not bad by any means. It's very fun, very well designed, very well thought out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, you, it's like looking at a crooked picture that you just want to kind of, just give a little, a little, a little straighten. And after a while it starts to slip back down and you kind of just do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Content wise, it's very robust. A lot of the level designs feel pretty unique. Like it's not just your fair share of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This zone or that zone from a Sonic game, they, they, there's a couple of those, but they really try to kind of stretch their wings and, and go into uncharted territories that Sonic really hasn't been in yet. Uhm, the Emerald powers are really cool, all, all seven of them. You can, when you get the Chaos Emeralds, you get a new skill that will allow Sonic to behave a certain way, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can make clones of themselves, which is like a whole screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can get a secondary attack, so like it changes the mechanic and adds it to Sonic, and that's effective for everyone. So Knuckles has a different attack, Tails has a different attack, Amy has a different attack, so on and so forth. Uhm, so all the power-ups are really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The music is either really great or really just fine. It's, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't, you could tell that T-Loops who did Sonic Mania and is amazing, he definitely had his DNA and blueprint in a lot of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you could also see the moments they were like T didn't do this track and T didn't do this track and T didn't do this track. And it's just super weird because the soundtrack is very Genesis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Inspired. Like there are stages where you're playing and you're like, there are no Genesis synths, it's very much a modern sonic song, modern flair, you know. And then there's one track that isn't a throwback to a sonic stage, isn't like a throwback to original sonic lore, anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you listen to the song and you're like, this is an eight bit Genesis track that is like on a roller coaster that's going really fast and it doesn't quite fit the stage listening to. And it ends up kind of becoming a bit of an unforgettable, very forgettable track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overall, like, it's, it's not an offensive Sonic game. It's a solid B. It's, Sonic fans, if they like these, if they like the platforming style, it's gonna be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going to enjoy it. It's just not Sonic Mania, which I think is like, that's going to be the discourses. Well, and everyone's always like afraid to talk about it, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people who say, there's like two red flags, if you hear someone say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like songs come a long way because of Sonic Oh six cut that shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just going with, with, with the expectation of it's gonna be fun. The multiplayer stuff is, is actually very great. Like, like, like Mario Wonder, none of what you do multiplayer wise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Collides or interacts. So, and you can play as, as uhm, all four characters plus a secret character in the game should you choose to be a completionist and get to the end and that kind of stuff. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone handles way differently. Of course, you have, you know, the standard three boys, but even Amy has a hammer and a double jump and that changes everything. Uh, when a character runs off screen, they automatically bubble like in Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where like, instead of the screen trying to catch up to them, they just run off the screen and then you can just press X and you spawn right next to them right away. There's no like, hey, touch the bubble to free them or, oh man, help me, I'm stuck in this cage, I need to be released. It's, oh, you're off screen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gone, you're not dead, press X to get back into the action. It's super quick in that way, which I really really enjoy. But is there a lot of that then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That said, kind of, you will have a lot of, it just depends on how fast you go, and what you're playing with friends, cause you're gonna be running, you know, you gotta move fast, so you're gonna be running a lot, and the thing is that the camera doesn't always know where to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was the biggest issue I had was I played the whole game with three people and every time we played it was like someone would run off and the camera would not chase them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another person would run off and the camera would chase that person. And it never really knew how to, to kind of solidify that. I imagine with a couple of patches and stuff, they'll, they'll figure it out. It's not atrocious, but if you are like, we're going to spin the, spin the game together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't recommend that, because they're gonna fight that camera. Uhm, the other thing is, there's a huge difficulty spike when you get into the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the very last fight, uh, in the, in the, in the, spoiler, there are multiple campaigns. There's like different opportunities to keep playing the game. It's not just one and done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of the final boss fights in all the campaigns are brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it? It's 60 bucks. That's the true problem. If, uh, yeah, I'm just to make sure I'm not an idiot. I'm going to Google it just to make sure, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's the issue. It's not a matter of there is not enough


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, quality or, or love or effort put into the game. Cause obviously something like Spider-Man 2 is, is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $70, right? Like you can't compare, you can't compare Sonic Superstars and Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and, and Mario Wonder and Tears of the Kingdom and all these games and go like, this makes sense how this all works. Game Dev is one scale, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sonic Superstars is 60 bucks, and it is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's rough to sell that for 60 dollars. I think, I think if it was 40 bucks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's even pushing it. I would have done 35 to 30. Um, but I don't know. That's, that's just my vibe. Um, I'm mostly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love modern Sonic games. I love classic Sonic games. I pretty much like almost all the Sonic games. Uh, I like this one too. It's just, it's all right. And I don't think it's, it's that I'd wait, get Christmas gift or birthday gift or wait for a discount because 60 bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot for what this is offering. Um, to wrap things up, uh, cause I know we've been going along with it about this. There is a multiplayer mode that I don't know why is in this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is a, yes, there is a eight player battle mode where you, so this is kind of the thing that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so glad I'm not doing my video today, because it's like, there's too much to talk about, but uhm, in traditional Sonic games, you get the Chaos Emeralds, and then you get like, levels and lives and rings and stuff. There are no lives in Sonic Superstars, so you don't have to worry about death. Death is infinite, you come back, no problem. However,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get medals for your, for completing bonus stages, for earning a hundred rings. And these medals go to a shop. And in that shop, you basically get to purchase and create a medal avatar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the limited options of the avatar are pretty basic. It's like, you can buy all the parts for Tails and make Megatails. You can buy all the parts for Metal Sonic and make Metal Sonic. The same parts for Amy and Knuckles and the secret character and that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it doesn't go beyond that all that much. There's like, it's, it's very limited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know this because I farmed for dozens of hours to get the highest that I could at the time ranking in the online battle mode prestige setting. Because as you play this game online, you earn more medals to buy more things and you gain experience points to level up your account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there is like this prestige factor. You go from rookie to fighter to warrior, and you climb all the way up to grand master. And then you prestige to bronze rookie and your bronze fighter, bronze warrior, all the way up to bronze grand master.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And every time you clear a prestige, you unlock a really rare sonic thing. This sounds like there's a huge robust online mechanic and online ranking system, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, there isn't. What it is is you are playing for battle modes that get factored in three times. And it's either one of these four scenarios race to the finish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, shock your opponent because now you can shoot lightning bolts out of yourself. Uh, collect most of the stars or survive the environment around you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you play quick three rounds, whoever has the most points gets the most medals, earns the most experience points towards their prestige ranking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's it. There's nothing more beyond that. You can create private lobbies. You can do it with randoms online. This morning I booted up and tried to play and couldn't connect to anyone. The game's out at this point and I couldn't connect to anyone, but I could connect with my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the reason why my video's not out now, because I still have to get prestige.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Platinum, diamond, grandmaster, whatever the hell it is, because that's what I have to do with my job. Uhm, for science, because no one's done it yet, and there's kind of this weird dichotomy of, is it worth it? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But someone's gotta prove that they've done it. So that's kinda where my head's at. It's a very weird thing because the medals that you get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You collect throughout the entire story modes. It's like a secondary currency that you're constantly thinking about collecting and earning and then you put them into buying pieces for a robot that you play for a battle mode that quickly loses its luster, like, out the gate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The perfect Sonic game. Uh, so yes, I apologize for my, my indebtedness about it, but yeah, that's basically Sonic superstars. 60 bucks is a hard sell. Uh, otherwise, yeah, it's a fine game.