[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at Starbucks, getting my coffee, the kid, it was a kid, he had a cool hairdo, he looked like Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys. He had kind of a goth vibe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, that's cool, like I checked him out, and I was like, yep, alright bro. And then I look on his lapel, and he's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think cause I started liking him and then I was like, fucking nerd and I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this should be very interesting because I have a, I'm trying to say that goth culture is not as nerdy as Star Trek culture. I'm trying to say that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wanna see some of my TikTok curations? You'll need your headphone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So those are the basic, basic bitch ones, as I like to say. I'm on the dark talk. I like to find the outliers, uh, people that don't have a voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you're supposed to, you find the song you like and then like you lip sync it, cause they have the licensing to songs and then you sing along and you do like a funny little dance. But they're not all, they're not all nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, yeah, some people have special effects. Some people do it. So like, if you put a video of you dancing, like, do that, do that, then someone can like splice the screen and then do it with you. That's the normal TikTok. That is not what you will be seeing today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this one's my favorite. This is the lane of, we don't know how to use this app. And they're clearly like, they look like they're on a vacation maybe? There's the Danube behind them. I mean, just somewhere in Eastern Europe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That becomes a Dorito? Yes. So there's this whole dark lane of talks now, where it's people that work in the fast food industry and they're posting how things are made, and that's fucking Dorito, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you like about it, I mean, it's healthy, don't you want to be healthy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like a fit, like a fitness video, yes, from the late 80s. Fitness? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's VCR party, that's the, uh, VCR underscore party. So it is like these old timey... Oh, I love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is he wearing like a safari shorts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a long-sleeved collared shirt buttoned and tucked in. It's such an odd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there are some people that just like to tell, to wish you well. How are you doing? Hope you're having a good weekend. Hope you're having a good day. Hope you get outside, get some exercise. I think David's interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, see, I feel like you'd like to talk, bro. Do you want me to, are you on Instagram? Are you doing this? I gotta send you some talks, homie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't take it. Look at the belly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But it's not overpowering when I wear stuff, right? I don't ever smell you. Fuck yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of, uh, what are you, are you gonna go to a fine restaurant with him or? I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my goodness. That was a trip down memory lane. That's Joe Double. Wow. He made, uh, he made the first, like, I think fan made song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so, or at least the one that we played, I think, cause he made another song that was like, uh, your mom's house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the official song, it was like the first time a fan had sent in, uhm, you know, like a, like a fan made song that was, you know, produced and he wrote like lyrics specific to the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would play it as, I forget, as either an intro or a closing all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You say that. Mhm. How do you say that? Why do you say that? Similar. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Correct that you just say that. You incorrectly say that correctly. Mhm. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you found two brothers attractive, would you want to sleep with them? Uhm. To compare notes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could be different lovers, but they would be identical bodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kind of feels like it now that we're talking about it, everybody writes, I mean, you know, you can now choose to be X, uh, as your gender on a, on a driver's license. Yeah. Looks like we're, we're thinking of those folks before we think of identical twins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet, I mean, as a little kid it's fun, no they embrace it. As a little kid it's fun, you dress alike and everybody's like, oh yeaah. But then you, you get older I'm sure. I mean, the thing is they really are so close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's insane! That's really fascinating too. That's interesting. Because you're looking at the same person. Yeah. It's just, it shows you how much personality affects things. Because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same person with a different personality. You know what I mean? Yeaah, I do. That's the only difference that they have a little different personality. Now the weird one would be that there's identical twins who like share the same interests, have the same opinions, have the same voice. And in that case, I would ask somebody dating one, how could you, how are you not into the other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids, I have a lot of fun with them. It was actually, as much as they made me want to step in front of a bus over the last time I was with them, uhm, I have a lot of fun with them. Especially because we do a lot of like throwing around and like, I hold them upside down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Ellis, the older one goes, are you kidding? And I would go, yeah. But then sometimes I was, I was like, oh, I'm going to bite your fingers off. He goes, are you kidding? I go, no. He goes, you're not kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as a father of two boys, I have like, conversations that you don't get to have with them. Like what? Like I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's fun. So like when they walk by, like Julien will go like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, you ever get kicked in the nuts? I was like, uh, yeah, it's terrible. He's like, yeah, sometimes you got to do it. I was like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, don't do that man. It's gonna really hurt somebody. It's not okay to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's his whole, that's like his way of getting women. This guy would go, I remember we'd have this patio, like it was a covered patio, and like you'd be sitting there, you know, like on these benches, and this motherfucker would always go up to like some pretty girl and just start working her shoulders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this cool guy, uhm, he asked her if she wanted to get a massage because she had a nice body. And then he's like, this is fucking bullshit. And he starts walking away. This guy by the way, great hair. So nice. Good looking guy, right? Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy just asked me to leave. Bitch, I'm fucking working out. Mid-workout, bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. EOS. And there's like a, what is that? A line over the O?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It definitely sounds Canadian. Strong North American vibes with this one. Interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda like we were having this conversation, I think a week or so ago, about when Hollywood starlets age out, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like him. Secondly, when you're uhm, in the wrong, and you resort to using like the most, the worst insult you can say to someone, you usually know that something is off. Like he went from being thrown out of gender to be like, you touch kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vegas. His whole thing is to get banned. I'm guessing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, remove to file the motion, Your Honor. Uhm, yeaah, he could be on that, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also what's interesting is like a lot of people as in the majority of the population would be deeply ashamed of the interaction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean what I would do here, just so you know, we're gonna keep talking. I think you should take a look at one or two of these and let us know if we should bring it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I think so. I got something here that I bet you can't even guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by ExpressVPN. Using the internet without ExpressVPN is like taking a call on a train or bus on speaker for everyone to hear. Do you want the whole train to know about the used shoes and boots that you're buying to lick at the mall in public?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably not. That's for you and for your own pleasure. So here's what you need to do. You need to sign up for ExpressVPN because see internet service providers know every site that you go to, everywhere you go. ISPs can sell this information to ad companies and tech giants who then use your data to target you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of groups, particularly marginalized groups, in the last


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially the last decade, that was a nice verb. Particularly the last decade have had, basically felt empowered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A stigmatizer mislabeled, uhm, stereotyped by the general public.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I bet you can't guess which group also feels this way. Would you like to see?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen! Nah. You say a pedophile, everybody goes, he's a bad guy. You say a minor attracted person, people don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean he's making a lot of good points. And there's one area that I feel like we just don't understand completely and they deserve to be heard. It's maps. You know? Minor attracted peoples. You get what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should be calling rapists, you know, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was thinking you need like more like an acronym, you know, like G-W-H-N, you know? Guys who hate? No. Like shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. What happened here? Did we find a good one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy is fucking, he is making videos for the show. This is Home Run Alley. They're 15 to 20 seconds long. This is called Nympho Cell. Too ugly for any girl. Jim Maxing won't save him. Neither will Hi IQ. What in the fuck? Give it to me. Give it to me, Mark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, and he is looking for confrontation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really is like Fedsmokers Reborn. The fucking criticism you can make of a Fedsmoker video is how fucking long they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy gets right to it. And I gotta give him credit. I think it's cause of his age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fedsmoker's like, I just parked, and now we're gonna walk in the building and see who's here, and you watch them walk all the way up, and you're like, come on man, I wanna see you yell at somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making, the fact that he's just like, give them a chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to understand where they're coming from. Nobody wants to understand. Nobody cares. Like you're actually, you're literally the only group of people. Think about being in a group where a lot of people feel like it's okay to kill you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst people in the world agree that it's okay to kid- and they do. That's true. Like when you go to prison, they're like, are there child molesters here? And they're like, if you kill them, you can- that's fine. You can free reign. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's put him in protective custody because other murderers and rapists will be like, I'll kill that guy that touches children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's trying to reframe pedophiles. Everyone knows that. He's like, everybody always throws their hands up at pedophiles. So we're gonna try to call them minor attracted people now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, you see that guy in the news? Yeah. Pedophile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he's two seconds later, got that pedophile. I'm like, pedophile? Yeah. How come you, how do you not say these words?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You'll like this one. It's a nice change of space, really. Change of speed, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so that's a Lyft driver. And this guy was recording and said, can you go to the speed limit? Cause she was flying. She turned around, saw that she was being recorded, pulled over on the highway and then started fucking freaking out right there. Like really freaking out. Look at her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was wild, she threw the bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went over to his section where he was, or went over to like the rear passenger seat. Would she scream? This is so nutty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. You think I'm gonna deal with that? I got it all on camera too, everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seemed like, well we only saw part of the video, that part's true. But it seemed like he was just saying, could you slow down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of flags. Yeah. Or flags in places where you don't need a flag. You don't need a flag. Like on your steering wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the amount of fucking stickers that I see, it's usually a certain type too, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But there's also, by the way, that person in their 40s. There's that, there's that person where you see them too and you're like, oh cool, I get it man. You've seen all these bands. That's great. That's great that you, that you like music. And then there's the person that does advocacy with stickers and it's usually like a super liberal where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it'll be, it'll say like fucking save the trees and then Bernie Sanders and then, you know, don't drink so much water and conserve this. Like, okay. That's their entire trunk and rear bumper is covered in this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you feel like you're doing something. I don't know. You're definitely putting an identity. This is who I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Balls homie! It's the, it's the equivalent of doing the opposite like Biden or Obama in like a real red state. Yeaah. You're standing out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean in, in, it feels like here doesn't feel obviously like the as dramatic, in Los Angeles that feels like some wild shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was that one, um, Trump, uh, rally or truck rally with, with the trucks and the, uh, flags on Ventura. And I was like, everybody here is, likes to risk that life. You know what I mean? It just feels like such a hostile place to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A real fucking Jay, who makes the videos, the, the, you have a nice body, you wanna massage that guy? That guy's like, are you slut life? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I cannot imagine spending time. I'd be like, you realize we're wasting our life right now, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents don't do it as much as they used to, and they both do it differently, but it would always, my eyes would just glass over, and I would just be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know that my mom would do a much more emphatic sales thing. You look at all the things in your life, they are all because of God. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. She's like, do you thank him? I'm like, yeah, every day. She's like, you do? I'm like, yeah. You wake up and you offer your day to God. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't want it. I don't want to be a part of this. I don't want to learn what you're teaching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, thou shall not take the name of the Lord. That's some fucking bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and god damn it. Like, that's one of the best expressions ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuh. College football. Oh. Honor thy father and mother again. Come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thou shalt not commit adultery given. Thou shalt not steal, of course. Good. Thou shalt not bear fault witness against thy neighbor. What's that? Snitches get stitches kind of thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a weird commandment. That's something you should be able to reach on your own if you get there. To command somebody to not be in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is brought to you by whoop, the personalized digital fitness and health coach, monitor your recovery, sleep training and health with personalized recommendations and coaching feedback with whoop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can upgrade now and get the 4.0 for free and right now whoop is offering 15% off when you use the code mom at checkout. Go to whoop w h o o p dot com enter m o m at checkout to save 15%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guys just shouldn't grow a facial hair. They can't. Listen, you get what you get in this world. Yea. Right? Uh, true. I mean seriously. I know. There's features I wish I had. Me too. There's things that I just, like, you don't get to grow a fucking mustache and beard. Never. Because you know why? You can't. You fucking can't, you redheaded prick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is that a black person gave you a compliment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, black compliments are so much better. So much better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's definitely, there's things that you can get complimented in from a black person that just are, it doesn't compare. I mean, black compliment on your fashion is huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, certainly like the sense of fashion that is unique and that, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That stands out, and you know, they're style setters. Like, black culture sets style standards and- A thousand percent. All of us kinda go like, okay, yeaah, is that cool? Okay, cool. You know, so like, the list of the- write these down, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, these are like the coolest black compliments. One is for sure, and this is not in the right order yet, but I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One is your fashion. How you're dressed. Let's talk about your shoes. If you get- Oh my god. That is another level though. What you're wearing is one thing. Your shoes being complimented by a black person is above your clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. Yeah. Shoes. Uh, another one, like for us, it happens, and it, let me tell you something. It never gets old. And that is a black person telling you that you're funny. It's probably-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty much like the apex. I still remember some black compliments after shows that are burned into my memory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One was, I was leaving the Miami Improv, which was a notoriously tough club to work. Yes. In Coconut Grove. And it was tough. It really was. But meaning like, you know, they papered the room. It was, uh, they didn't police the room. It wasn't like, oh, we're going to listen to your show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember I had this set, it was a wild set and you know, it just, it went well. I killed and I'm out there selling something, hawking something at the time. I think it was my first CD. Thrilled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this dude came out and he was eating a, like a Caesar, like a chicken wrap. As he was eating, he was a black dude probably like in his forties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can feel like the rest of the room is like- Don't care. You don't care? Yeah. And then you see a black face and you're like, okay, this is good. Yeah, they're laughing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, black person's approval of your musical choices? That's huge. That never happens to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're picking teams in like middle school and high school. Oh, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, I can, I can remember this. So I used, I played a, this will make people laugh, but I used to play a lot of basketball. And I remember playing in college, pick up game in the gym. They got like, it was a pretty competitive game because it was a lot of football players playing basketball. So it was like off season stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So like they're on the collegiate football team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're playing pickup basketball. So they're big guys and they're athletic guys. They're just not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember one time, like I have a decent jump shot, you know, so I remember one time I was just, you get in the zone sometimes when you play basketball, you're just hitting things, like shot after shot. I remember this kid, he played corner, a position in football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, and somebody, they left me unguarded and he yelled at the other guy. He's like, you can't leave Tom unguarded. And I was just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, sometimes, I don't know if you ever get this, I'll do shows where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody will be like, you need more, uhm, like diversity at your show. I'm like, yeah, I don't pick who comes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you, you can spread that around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not like, not sorry, we looked at the list and you're not allowed in. It's, it's just what, whoever bought the tickets, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there was a woman breastfeeding at the show, at the club, and I was like, is this supposed to happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I forgot the other one. When uh, when black guys tell you you have a big dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another black compliment? I feel like a black woman telling me I'm attractive just hits different too. Really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, just like, if you like, just the compliment or being like hit on feels different than, than... Some old boring white bag of bones. Yeah, some white broad. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I remember being at Flappers with you. Yeah. And the black guy walked up to you and was like, what's up? And you're like, oh, I'm Mary. He's like, that's cool. And he had his phone out. He's like, let me get your number.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Uhm, Annie made a good point. What's that? Go ahead, Annie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it is. That's what it is. So, it's not like tokenism. It's not like, oh, the, oh, a black person is it. It's that, as a, you know, somebody that lives in this society, you feel like when any of those things are told to you, that it's, that it would only be told to you by a black person who means it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like you feel like, you feel like the person is only gonna be like, you're funny as shit because they really think that. Or they're only gonna be like your outfit's super dope like because it's not like just to be nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when you kill, doing stand up when you kill at a black, for a black audience, you feel like you really earned it. You're like, they gave it, they give it up when you put on the good show. And I feel like all those compliments fall into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also, it's also credibility. Because, uh, Ashley is saying like, you know, you look really good, right? Those are nice shoes. You're like, yeah, but you're not a fucking shoe expert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Somebody like actually being like, you're good at basketball. You're like, you don't fucking know about basketball. You don't even know what you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember this. That's cool though. I like that. Cleveland one time. When like at a, like a moment of like transition where it's quiet. He goes, oh, this motherfucker put me to sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that. Like everybody could hear. I was like, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't think it was on before the pandemic either, was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But did that version stay on the air?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever see that fat Asian dude who sang Whitney Houston there? No. That was wild. There was this young, chubby Asian boy. He comes out in a tuxedo. I think he was in a tuxedo. And he, I think he said, saying, I will always love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that is not the Apollo. But that's also not the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, cause he did it, he did it at the Apollo. So it might be the same boy. You should look for it at the Apollo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter the form in which it's presented. You just see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whose claws are not trimmed. No. And I don't think is tamed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could do a list of our, uh, our, our, what did you find it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do love that all the videos are called Asian fat kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode is also brought to you by Fight Camp. Get a gift that the whole family will use and can use. You know what Fight Camp is great for? Exercise. Of all ages and abilities, getting out that stress, that tension, that aggression that you feel. You want to let it all out. Nothing like working out on a heavy bag. Why not get a gift?


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turns your workout into an interactive experience.


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[Assistant] Get an additional pair of gloves for free and save over $200. Go to joinfightcamp.com slash house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joinfightcamp.com slash H-O-U-S-E. Check this out, you ready to see some shit? Mhm. This way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember, uhm, well, tell me if you know who this is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I tell you something I just realized though? I wouldn't feel that great about a compliment from him. No. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's got a lot happening. But I mean, if he was like, I like your shoes, I'd be like, I gotta go, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I uhm, I don't think that was his angle, but I'm-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. I'm running through some stuff I wanna show you. Okay. Uh, this is on...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't even call it a roller coaster. It's a ride, but like at a fair. Okay. Check this out. This is so rad. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a matter of like, it's rare when you, like that Sully thing, you know, when it landed, that was like, birds hit both engines or all four engines, whatever you had, all immediately after departure. That's more rare that you would lose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they are, they, yeaah, they hit planes and go through engines all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at basketball camp at University of South Florida. Okay. In Tampa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember that it was happening, I remember in the morning, like we were all, uhm, it was the summer after freshman year going into sophomore year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were like, OJ Simpson. We're all like athletes and like, we all know him from football and the movies and stuff. Uh, you know, he did something and they chased him and they gave us like a summary. We were like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did this thing and uh, wasn't good? You should have listened to the police. When you guys practiced hard today, we were like, what the fuck are you talking about man? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very excited. It's gotta be good. Think it'll be good? Oh, it's always good. Alright, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you find, while we're doing this, the crocodile, the gator that bites the woman at the party?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes to roll and the roll is going to rip it off. You know, she is so, this is why they say training takes over. She so knows what a gator is going to do. She rolls with it. No. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's like, it's an enclo- it's an enclosure. And then there's fucking kids and everything watching. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy runs in, who is not an animal guy, and she's like, sit on his back, pin him, like she's telling him what to do. And then she gets out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was just like a dad that was at this thing. And it's one of the wildest things, but it always makes me like, you watch that thing and you're like, why would you fuck with these guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he just pissed on you right now. What if he was hungry right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's telling him what to do right now. She's coaching this guy. She's like, do this, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, isn't that wild though? And that's a lady who works with that gator probably every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to maintain that, like, and see how she knew to like, wrap her legs around her right away? She was like, hop on him, hop on him right now. I wanna keep my hand. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, that's fucking, how about this guy who's watching, he's like, uhm, do you want me to put my hand over you, or what should I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you should have to be like fatter than she is to get one of those. I think so too. I think like in a store they should be like, I think you're just being lazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could do this. You could walk around. You can use the exercise. Actually, you need to walk around. Yeaah. You're not past the point of walking around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's like completely all the organs are there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're doing a great job. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like that movie nightmare scenario where you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The westerner that ends up in this and you're like, I'm hungry and they're like, today we are eating, you know, maggots and brains. And you're like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is pretty cool. You didn't like that? I liked it a lot. Yea, I just, I don't understand what's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're getting ready for the, uh, uh, holidays. Yeah. Most, um, especially Christmas when baby Yezra Skye was born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm doing later? What's up? I'm making a house call to, uh, Patio Callahan's place to see, uh, if all the proper Christmas stuff is set up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can also do a thing like, uh, where you set a budget, you know? So everybody who's exchanging gifts goes like, hey, we don't spend more than, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. And it feels like a cool way to say thank you, you know, to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love you. Love you. We say Merry fucking Christmas. Merry Christmas around here. I'll fucking say Happy Holidays. Love you. Love you. Love you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it looks like it's a chain. They're all over the place. In America?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going on his, uh, on his YouTube page. And he said, I am now banned from every club on the Las Vegas Strip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boy, these video titles are pretty interesting. Oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their actual words, uh, examples of misandry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So everyone's just hating him. This couple let me smash with another random girl we met. That's a cool title.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, combative handicapped boyfriend subdued by girlfriend. These are all really crazy titles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Combative handicapped boyfriend, subdued by girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we have a couple of action jam-packed ones that are like 15-20 seconds long. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, he's also doing it on other shows. I have him on Lopez tonight doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I mean, I'm just, I'm just terrified to say I really don't think this kid performed at the Apollo, but I, you know, I'm just, I'm just still Googling over here looking, looking for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I'm offering a challenge if I want to find Donald Trump's phone number. Cause I can give Donald the best sex of his life. Better than the lot of you. I give Donald Trump ass emotional damage. I want Donald Trump. I love Donald Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By spending three hours in front of a mirror this big?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, so, show- Now I'm low. Now I'm low. I can't hear. You turn it down? Yes. So turn her up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can hear my whole, I don't like the voice. Oh, you don't like it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can start preparing another one of these then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know. You don't think I know that? Yeah, this is, and I want to be so entertained.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I'm so fascinated with the looks of your wife. I'm trying to ignore your introduction. You're gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am a lesbian. You were mentioning that... I said I look like a lesbian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she knows more than me. When I hang up she says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I said, well, she goes under Maria Segura. I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you like some of my tea? You keep moving your chair by the way. This is ginger tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to look at us and you know where she's at. Now, this is the part that matters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she couldn't get over how delicious that chicken was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said that's not you and if it's not you and I'm right, you pay me 500. Your answer was okay. And I said okay, play it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he doesn't cheat, then you have to prove to me that he doesn't cheat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you are, if you are smart, and you are smart and you are my son, there has to be a part of me in there. So, I number one, I don't lie, and number two, when I make a bet, I am very careful with my bets. And when I told you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One was doing the manicure while the other one was doing the pedicure. And the third one, who works in your house, brought me coffee with cookies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had got out of the store and told me, let me know when you're done. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's convinced if I go to Chanel and those expensive places, I'm going to look younger. Well, it didn't work. You do, you look fantastic. Well, guess what? Everybody was busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I just wanna bet that he was jumping in that thing. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number one, when a person falls that close to the train for real, it's hard to stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think Christina Thom is getting ideas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see how she reacts and according to her reaction we know which one to use as a base. Talk to Christina who would really approve it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, we were really good with her. We gave her all this stuff. She has all the cosmetics that she needs, even when we bury her, she looks nice. That's true. Let's get rid of her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need ice. The only way I can get up after this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still have it. Can we go to Neiman Marcus after this? Oh sure. What do you got your eye on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was really considered the woman. Christina, she brought me the whole, it's true or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now your tattoo's looking bad. Okay, I want to make a public question. Go ahead. And you better dare to answer because this is going to be recorded. Give me a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number one. Number one. Go ahead. You told me, you told me when I got in your house, I have a skirt that I think you like. Yea, I do. I changed my mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what we should do? Do that wig with the black hair and the red lipstick. Like Cruella? Yea. And I come all sexy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you, I have another idea. Big ones. No. Big ones. I gave you a solution that I find out. You get two space, and you graduate this, and you leave the two space there, and you go like this. It's all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it would have to happen to me. It would be frustrating. But you know what? Life is not sex, eh? No. No. It's a lot more than that. Yeah, true. Sex is just pfft. It really. Well, I can tell you this too, it's only sex. They look at each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she told me. No, I did tell you I don't wear pants, that's all. Yeah, that I wear pants and he sleep naked, so what is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, actually it's a dream marriage actually. Because I adore my husband and I don't want to cry here. But the one thing that we did is we never hugged each other and he was always suffocated. Yeaah. That's so annoying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you know? We talk to them. Liars. You both practice to say the same


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to tell you Blanca's conversation in the limousine that you sent out with the guy that we already know. Out of the blue and with no need, she started telling him, you know, I went to church on Sunday one time and this guy tried to kiss me on the lips during the piece. He said, peace, peace with you. And I saw the guy wanting to kiss me and I really did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, and so when I left church and I was listening, I swear, this has nothing to do with driving here, no? And then we left and the guy says, would you like to have a coffee with me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy couldn't get less so Blanca came and told Dave. Dave was really excited that somebody else won her, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, he had a crush on you. So they went back to church. The guy still goes to the same church at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess what? What? He has a girlfriend now. What? And guess what she told your driver, Tommy? You're not looking at me. I'm listening, I'm listening. He doesn't. Yeah, but that's pretty rude. I'm looking at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where am I? And the what? Who says what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And guess what? He says, now she has a girlfriend. The poor guy is driving us here. Who says, why in the world would I care for this story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said why don't you bring it, spray it, and the thing is you, and we're all happy. I didn't bring it, but it was bad. So I have an narcosensors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what, I don't know what. I have the aluminum, no. Aluminum? No, uhm, the pink peel. Uh, pepto?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gas plus, I think. Gas plus. Gas plus, then they have pepto plus. You're right. I have two alka-cell cells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I'm like, new person. So far, so far. Whatever comes is from this side. I am new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one is safe. This one was an extra one. I said, no, no, no. She says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are going to take me to New America and it's very inexpensive. I don't want that $500 thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, I ain't with no dinner. When the guy show up and put me a piece of ground meat and cook, and I keep looking and say okay, thank you, and I left. That was dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh. Which is good to see. She knows tick tock. It's all there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I have a watch? I can. This is, I only have Rolexes. I think you don't have a normal watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we please say Christina? Don't look at me. Okay, Tommy. It's your son. Negotiate with him. Can I please get the eyewatch? Yeah, sure. Go get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is Charo, the real mom at your mom's house. Keep back, hold your nuts and listen to this real ass new shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Brabant, your people killed Christ and YOU need to pay the price. Ask for forgiveness or you meet your maker NOW.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bye bye. Like that? Bye. To the people who listen. Bye bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop calling me Chomo. I fucking mean it. I'm sick and tired. I'm not no Chomo. What is wrong with you people? I'll get you back for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh boy, you're gonna pay the price. You see, I'm not no chomo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My buddy hurts. What's nice about this knife here is, uh, the tip's been broke off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So today, we're about to cook some hog toenails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next, get a pan on medium heat. Add some olive oil. Good amount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put the lid on and let them cook for about 15 minutes on medium. You gotta flip them halfway. You can't let all-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's here. YMH Live 7. If you haven't got your tickets yet, get them now. Livestream.YMHStudios.com. We have special guest Joe Rogan, Unc Shine, who I spent time with. Some wild surprises and some heavy stuff that's perfect for Thanksgiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that ShipStation is easy to use. Everything is in one interface, and you see what is, uh, has been ordered, where it's going, and how, uh, to ship it out. You have choices. ShipStation works with all major carriers, international and local, including FedEx, USPS, and UPS. Make this holiday season a little brighter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ShipStation use our offer code YMH to get a 60 day free trial, just enough time to handle the holiday rush. Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top and enter code YMH. ShipStation. Make. Ship. Happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh huh, that's a ghost crew that made those. They made a bunch back in the day. I think they were Portland based. They made like five just bangers for us back then. They're old songs now, but man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, why is he saying greasy? Right. And then eventually, like this is when, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, he got asked so much. One day he was like, I think it's just my Kentucky twang. Like he thought it was playful. We were like, no, you're saying it all stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't it funny that he and Pat Sajak, who like we grew up with, are like big, insane, they're maggotards. Like they're like fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And things change, like things will change and have changed in our lives and will continue to change. And he didn't like those changes. I don't like changes. Changes are not cool. Especially changes to what people look like in my neighborhood. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, by the way, that's one thing my father has never changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's old, and he probably likes Chuck Wolverine. I don't fucking know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you do, you do none of the actual work. You just show up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's John, he likes the carpentry. He's a big fan of the Chicago Bulls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way his experience did not rub off on his children. We all like Vietnamese food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I made sure to sample a few, uh, Vietnamese women in my time, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I wanted to see what he was so upset about and I was like, feels good to me. I don't know what the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yep, I already know, yep, I know what you're gonna say. Your dad wasn't in the war either, so that's kinda interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, fucking all-inclusive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tyler Flores, that's who this is, uh, it's American Combat Alliance and obviously a listener, uh, was watching this and I think probably had it recorded and amazing, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a shout out. Post victory. So congratulations on winning your fight. And then there's one more clip here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, congratulations man on winning and on doing the right thing and plugging the show with subtle references that are not so subtle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've been, now you are fixated on it. I love that this happens over the history of doing this podcast, is that one of us, and it's usually me I feel like that gets obsessed with it. Early. Early and you're like, Jesus, you won't stop. And then it finally fades away and then it'll be one that bothered you. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you were not into, you're like, ugh. And now you're like, oh, I think about Leo all the time. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's an amazing peak into somebody's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was cool that we talked about it at breakfast. Who else was at breakfast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yesterday. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. No, we don't talk about. That's what I was like. Were they there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Feels like 137 years. It does feel longer than that, doesn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kept saying yes, there went tasake. He said, you want some more? I was like, yeah, he's like, this is a different one. I go fucking let's try it. Let's do it. And then it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they were all like, you know, considerable pours. And then by the, I mean, I was lit for the second half of dinner. And then when I was done and I was like, oh, I'm definitely


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause usually, I really want to get into drugs more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to get into psychedelics more. Sure, done them. And uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I definitely want to do Ayahuasca, I definitely want to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wanna do it. Uhm, I also wanna do mushrooms. I've never done mushrooms. And everybody always tells me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good idea by the way. It is a good idea. I talked to a couple of people about it and they were like, fuck yes you should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I would smoke it, you know. I'd put it in a joint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe not, but still, no one's fucking knocking me out, I'll tell you that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the thing is like- I think you should go real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I actually have a connection stateside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I'm saying, I have a connection that's not, that I don't have to leave the country for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I could do it, I could do it at a place that's comfortable, not his apartment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm in. I'm in, okay. Uhm, I'm going to be doing them and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, like, I'm jonesing, you know? I feel like a crackhead now. I really want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're saying if we want to do a company team building with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, oh wow, there's only one person alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Very exciting stuff. On acid? I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanna, I mean that shit is made for me. I just love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is also brought to you by DoorDash. You ever pull into the driveway after a trip to the grocery store only to realize you forgot that one key ingredient for dinner. Now you have options.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the groceries you need or the backup meal you love from your favorite local restaurant delivered with DoorDash. We have used them countless times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially in a pinch or even if you're just chilling at the house and you want to have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Along with the restaurants you love, you can get groceries, other essential items delivered with DoorDash, get drinks, snacks, other...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code YMH. Don't forget, that's code YMH for 25% off your first order with DoorDash. Subject to change, terms apply.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. And so he drove here. Um, is this what I've been told with a partner? Who do you drive with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Emotional makeup is so healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a minute. I'd be like, what? At this age now, I would, there would be side of the road. It looked like when Fedsmoker was dead. Remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they would be like, that's Charo, that's Tom's mom. Except there would be just body parts everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who can you do a drive with, right? A long drive like that, it's a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. That's the thing about a long trip like that is it brings out, you know, you're, you're tired, you're around the same person. You, you run out of things to talk about. There's, you know what I mean? Like, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's just like, I'm trying to think who I've done long drives with and it is, um, friends I've done, you know, long drives in college. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, if you don't like that person in the car, that is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I mean music, because even if you're like, let's say you're like, I don't like this person in the car. So what are you going to do and put on music? And then you guys don't like the same or can't tolerate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And your, your car was so fucking slow and you drove like an old lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, careful, this, this girl can really purr, and I was like, oof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where? In Arizona? There is no fucking way. You literally, I'd be like, well, just send me to prison now. Let's not even start. I don't want to get in the car. Just arrest me. I know it won't last.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fight within a way that you don't fight with anybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know how to push every button. Family does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's who they are dude. And it's funny because like when people are around the people who you hate in your family. Oh my god. Everybody else, most people can't see how they're doing it. You know, they're just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, do you understand that you've never been busy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we all were like, fuck. Because we were like, probably two miles down the street. And uhm, there was like heavy traffic by that time, because it was like, and we were like, oh, and she was like, we have to go back. And everybody's like, oh, for fuck's sake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get, you know, I'm sure he just checks out. Yeah. Cause the things that infuriate their three children, my dad will just be like, yeah, what's that? So yeah, I think it's like not listening because of the three kids are like freaking out and he's like, huh? Okay. You're not paying attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she has a different way with each of them, but also, then there's also shared experiences. You know, we're like, oh, she's doing that to you right now. You know? Yeah. Sometimes I get those calls.


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[Assistant] Just don't say the thing. It took me 20 years to move halfway closer across.


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[Assistant] I should say though, a lot of what I'm saying about what's making me crazy about my mom is like pasta. It's not current. I've gotten along with her really well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, part of it is my own maturing and like growing up and learning how to deal with her. Like, you know, she's not like a fucking, we're making her sound like, you know, like such a demon. It's just that like she has a way about her that it can be challenging like to deal with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little wiser. I had more life experiences. I just came up, you know, I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's probably dealt with, came up with a way to deal with it. I also think she's probably chilled out some over the last few years. You know, she's gotten older. I think uhm, some of her fire and like whatever was driving her has


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She can still wear you out quickly, but I'm saying she's not, it's not to the point where there was a time where I felt like I couldn't really have conversations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, what I would do is, she would call me out on it too, cause it was pretty funny. She would go like uhm, uh, she goes, do you know what you say when I call you? When I go, what? She goes, I ask you what's going on, you say everything is fine. And I'm like, uh huh. And she's like, you don't tell me anything. I'm like, yeah, that's the tactic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a show recently, I'll just say that I was like, that show sucked. But do you know what I tell my parents? It was great. It was amazing. Everything's great. Everything's fine. Because if you go, it sucked, they're like, what happened? And you're like, uh, it sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, uh, did you do something to make, and you're like, okay, I don't want to do this with you.


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[Assistant] Cause I was in the, in the headspace. He was like, how'd you like it? And I was like, it fucking sucked. And he was like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, it's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I, I just want you to be happy. I was like, I'm happy. He's like, I just, I, I'm sorry. I'm like, oh my God, I regret telling you that so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, hey, can we eat some real fucking food today? She's like, a chicken and a french fries and french fries. Yeah. And then one 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have a french fries and a chicken? Like a tonic? Rice? And I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mean, like, chicken fingers? Chicken fingers. Juice. I'm like, this is a goddamn French restaurant that has amazing food here. She's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. We're always like, what's the doctor going to say? Everything is fine.


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[Assistant] Which is kind of, is the argument by the way for just like, just fucking do whatever you want to do. It's genetics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grandfather, ate red meat, drank, smoked cigarettes, smoked cigars, whiskey, beer, red meat like five days a week, died at 96.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Living the dream. My dad will be like, I haven't taken a shit in two days. I'm like, that's not good. He's like, yeah. I'm like, have you drank any water? He's like, alright, I'm gonna go. He's so upset at the suggestion. I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time I was with him recently and I was like, how about some fucking water? Like drink some water. And you know what he did? I swear to God, he had like a bottle like this and he went like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that, like the, the, the top sip. And I was like, hey, so how about the water? He goes, I'm drinking, I drank it. I go, no, no, you started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drinking that bottle half an hour ago, and I saw you take one sip. He goes, yeah, I drank water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best way to handle her is to just get her drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she loves that lady. Yeah. She, uh, you know, a couple of times I've gotten my mom really drunk. Like really drunk. It's fun. She's a good drunk. No, but like a couple of times I got her like super emotional. Cause she can't handle alcohol and we were like drink, drink, drink, drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is funny, I'll tell you that. She's very, very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've had that relationship and it's in a good place now. And I have, we have two small children. Instinctively, Ellis, whenever I face my mom's like, he's like, ah, I don't want to talk to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, I know you told him. I go, I didn't tell him anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am sorry. I didn't. Well here, this you'll like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of Charo, uhm, I received, I was put, uh, normally when Fart Simpson does a prank call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sends them to me, I listen to them, and then they're great. They're always fantastic. And I send them over to, uh, Nevada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This morning I got here and he said, I have a prank call for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is supposed to be a great one. I can't wait. So I'm going to, I haven't heard it. This is my mom Charo on a prank call by fart Simpson. Okay, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is brought to you by Whoop, the personalized digital fitness and health coach. Monitor your recovery, sleep training and health with personalized recommendations and coaching feedback with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every day, I know what kind of sleep I need to get. I know how I'm recovered. I know what I can do with workouts all because of the incredible insight and data provided by whoop. I'm just, I'm in love with this thing. I wish I, I'm trying to get this 4.0. I hope they send it to me because I really want one too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The all new waterproof device is free when you sign up for a Whoop 4.0 membership. For any members, if you have six months left of membership on your account, you can upgrade now and get the 4.0 for free. And right now Whoop is offering 15% off when you use the code MOM at checkout.


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[Assistant] Go to whoop, w-h-o-o-p dot com and enter M-O-M at checkout to save fifteen percent. This episode of Your Mom's House is also brought to you by Fight Camp. The holidays are coming up. We all know it's the most stressful time of year and I know the perfect gift to give everyone some much needed stress relief that is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fight camp. Fight camp brings the best workout in the world into your home and makes it fun. Learn to box and kick box from home with access to world class programming, elite trainers, premium equipment and smart technology that turns your workout into an interactive experience. It's incredible. They sent me one and I absolutely love it. But I always loved boxing workouts because if you've never done one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The intensity, the cardio you put yourself through just from working out on a bag. It's unlike anything else. If you've never tried it, you have to try it. You get incredible workouts with them. You can get one in as little as 20 minutes. Full body workouts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Incredible stuff that you can get your whole family involved in this. Uh, now is the best time to get your Fight Camp. Take advantage of their holiday deal going on now. If you purchase this November, you'll get an additional pair of gloves for free. Just go to joinfightcamp.com slash house to get an additional pair of gloves for free all November.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to joinfightcamp.com slash house. Joinfightcamp.com slash house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's really interesting right now about the weather here? Is in the mornings it's quite cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some might even say cold.


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[Assistant] Like you need something in the morning, like you need like a sweater or something outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then all of a sudden, at like 2 in the afternoon, you're like, I gotta take this sweater off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of, uhm, exciting stuff like that, Chris Larson, uhm, who's, we found out, drove across country with his mother, uhm, unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, if it's Thanksgiving weekend, you can still watch YMH Live 7. Perfect time. We're extending, we extended the period that you can watch it with, uh, through the weekend. So, it's a really cool thing to watch with your family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. For sure, yeaah. Uhm, wow, he's just hitting home runs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, if you're not following the most exciting, uh, account on Instagram, it's C-E-E underscore Lars, L-A-R-S, and that's our very own Chris Larson. So, uh, he's following no one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever see the person who like, I don't know, they comment or send you something and you go to their page and their last post is like three years ago? Yes. What are you doing? You don't post anything? Like nothing? Nothing. Why are you even on here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I really respect it, like that lane is my favorite lane. The thriller. The thriller lane is my favorite lane of film. Um, it is hard.


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[Assistant] The mystery, and then it's how you, the solving, the reveal. And if it's like, implausible, you're like, mm, if it's too, uh, easy to solve, what? Yeah, it's gotta, it's like to actually dance that line. It really is art. Same thing with like reading a thriller, like a book, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was good. And reading them is MUCH different. Also a challenge, but I'm saying reading a thriller is different than watching one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but then the reveal was that- I forget now. You do? It's been so long, yeah. The reveal was that uh, Bruce Willis, who he'd been having conversations with the whole time- Is dead. Yeah, is dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, it shook people. I remember that movie was like, that was a surprise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool movie. Uhm, he's made a bunch of movies. Uhm, and they're all, you know, like, there's some surprise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say this, I was intrigued, I liked the setup, I liked wondering, like you know when you start to go like, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then finding out what was actually happening. I don't want to give it away for people who might want to see it, but when you're finding out like what's happening, you're like, oh, that's a cool, that's a cool premise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a couple things that I bang up on that, you know, so I wouldn't give it like, I don't say it's like a 10 out of 10, but I give it a good like 7 out of 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's the thing. You ruined it. These movies, thrillers, can be like, like you can be like, oh my god. Yeah. For, if it's a 90 minute film for like 85 minutes, and if those last 5 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's the hardest thing to solve. It's like solving the puzzle. If they're not, oh my god too, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reveal is like, it's kinda like, okay, it's not the best, it's not the worst. It's not the worst. No, it's not the worst. There are definitely, I've seen movies where you're like, the fuck was this? You know? Yeah, you're pissed off. But this thing, cause you got to buy into the premise, which is an implausible kind of premise, but he does it in a cool way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a couple, he's one of these directors who has to be in every one of his own films. That's so weird to me. Which, I get it if your cameo is meaningless. Meaning, like, you're a bartender or something. And that's cool, and then you go, hey, that's M.D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ultimately, it's a significant, it's not like it's a huge role, but it's a significant character that I think the acting chops of a great actor could have given more to that part, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're watching it and you're like, what? Why are you giving yourself this part? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, maybe, maybe it's just like, I don't know, like most these guys that are great directors are not great actors. I mean, I love Tarantino. I love him, but he's not a great actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just. I don't know. Yeah, I mean. What abs.


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[Assistant] You ever see a picture of yourself next to somebody who's like standing. So much better looking.


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[Assistant] That's got, that's everyone who stood next to George Clooney in that period. I know.


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[Assistant] That's also, I think he comes from really good stock.


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[Assistant] Because for him, it's just that like, you're like, wait, why aren't you aging though? What's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean. But he's aged. He's aging. He's not aging poorly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? The other guys, some of those guys don't even look like they're putting on years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this point when, when your career is like, do people want to buy tickets to see you on the screen? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, last I would say real movie stars. Like a person who the name and the trailer people go, I will go. I'll leave my house. Him, Leonardo DiCaprio. They're like, they still have like that power that feels like it's over. Old school Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just dumped another 25 year old. I think she turned 25 and he was like, get the fuck out of here.


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[Assistant] He has, I just read a thing that said he's not dated a girl over 25.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the, uh, this is the way that Nicholson did it. Yea, for millions of years.


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[Assistant] Yeah. He's one of those, like he's beloved and, and like, yeah.


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[Assistant] He's a real star. He's like a real fucking movie star. He's an excellent actor. Excellent actor. Amazing actor. Yeaah. So funny. Yeaah. His balls are just empty. Empty. He walks around all day. That's why he's so fucking cute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No stress. And he always looks kinda doughy. Like kinda soft. A little soft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little dad boddish. And I think that, I think also he's like, yeah, I don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But maybe he has that like, stunted, you know, because he's a child star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So like, he probably didn't go through the, he definitely didn't go through the normal...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Michael Jackson's like, I wanna look at little boys buttholes, which is not good. That was weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll take some 24 year old puss and then I'll just do that forever. Yeah, forever. He'll be doing that in his 70s.


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[Assistant] I mean, it doesn't get better than that. This is every basically, this is like every guy's hero. I mean, he's the fucking best actor, my favorite guy to watch in a movie. It's just phenomenal. And he's just like, I like young trim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he, he wrote the book. He, that's the blueprint that Leo's following. He's like, oh, like, do interesting films, make a fortune, and just, you know, stay healthy with young puss. Get laid. Yeah, yeah, get laid, man. Look at this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there, when you go to the floor seats, you know, like in New York and in LA, like Staples or Garden, when you're like those VIPs, they take you at halftime to like a VIP lounge. And so if you get that access as a regular person,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in that lounge with Jack Nicholson. Somebody told me that their friend, they were there with a friend. I forget who told me this. I wish I knew. I wish I remembered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they see Jack Nicholson and he was like eating a sandwich. And they were like, hey Jack, and he's like, yeah. And they're like, uh, you know, I love, uh, I love this movie. He goes, whoopty fucking do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, when you're internationally famous for like 50 years, you can't even pretend to be like, oh, you like my film? You can't. I guess it's just over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a whole thing that was trending about him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the thing was that he, there was like a memo or something that went out that like Steve Harvey, I swear to God, Steve Harvey was like, when I'm going from here to there, I don't want, I don't know if it was eye contact, but I don't have time for any conversation. But here's the thing. Everybody goes like, Oh my God. Um, you know, is that, is that the thing there? Memo to staffers? Yeah. Okay. So this is it. Can you make it larger?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take a deep breath. Ready? Okay. Uhm, where does it start? Harvey confirmed the memo. Where's the memo though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Essentially what it was is that he's doing a lot. What I'm saying is that I actually, as much as you go like, oh, there's the fucking balls on this guy, but he does like 10 TV shows. He has a nationally syndicated radio show. He's on the radio show. He's doing like all these things. And like when everybody knows you, like when you're Steve Hart, everybody knows you. They see you hosting family feud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't actually find the memo, like Steve Harvey memo to staff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good morning everyone, welcome back. I'd like you all to review and adhere to the following notes and rules for season five of my talk show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in. No one. Do not come to my dressing room unless invited. Do not open my dressing room door if you are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On my lenient policy in the past, this ends now. No more. Do not approach me while I'm in the makeup chair unless I ask you to speak with you directly. Either knock or use the doorbell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm seeking more free time for me throughout the day. Do not wait in any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment. I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway and do not attempt to walk with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're reading this, yes, I mean you, everyone. Do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment. Thank you all, Steve Harvey. I feel like I understand that this is a poorly executed


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The day before or the week before, this is all he was talking about, about like, people came in and then like, he's talking about it with his wife or like with his, somebody on like his executive producer and they were like, let people know man, you need to be, and then he writes this thing all emotionally, and then people are like, this reads terribly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the one though, Ellen was funny because it like shocked people because everyone was like Ellen's my best friend. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get that you can say that you're not attracted to him. I understand that, but you don't think he's good at that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be like, what's up? I'm trying to fall in love too, Chris. I love your face tats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the TV is so loud. That's one of the loudest I've ever heard. It's a full volume television.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what? He has a, uh, a kind of a striking... You don't see it? What? Similarity. To? Leonardo DiCaprio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Oh, his handle is Mr. Junk Food King.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's actually really pretty. Yeah. Um, and then, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And there's a real sad one to go. Oh, there's one more. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love an expert in something that fucking, you know what I mean? Like most of us have some general knowledge of a lot of things, just some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're only experts, like really expert in like one or two things. One or two things in life. Like I'm only an expert in one thing basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I just understand completely what, how to be a stand up comedian. How like the creative part of it works and how the business of it works. I could, I could sit with anybody on earth and give them a fucking lesson. That's true. That's the only thing that I'm a high level expert in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're kind of, I would say above me on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I have general knowledge of a bunch of things, but not expertise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, we gotta go, uh, our closing song for the week. Let's see, it's... I Know I'm White by Bruce Krisner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. Please continue to watch more. You can see all these where my hand's gesturing. You can click on those. And please subscribe if you have not yet. Hit the subscribe button and then we'll get your money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Saatva. Go to Saatva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash The Shit and get two hundred dollars off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well he's built in such a way that, uh, everything kinda sits back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I'm built in such a way that my balls grow out of my asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. That the fat covers his... He was very, very, very big and out of shape. Right. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, but even if you, yeaah, look at the size of his mouth there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not necessarily a glow up. There's like some real shitty photos of myself that we can pull up. Don't fucking pull them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, you don't need to have money to take care of yourself. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The difference is like I would just do it with like eating way too much food. Same. And then like, you know, Bart just drinks a lot. Yeah. And then when you drink a lot, you end up eating more too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time you have like that, you know, you start really pounding booze, you get like this insulin spike and then your body's like, you need to eat. Start just fucking housing food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. And you know what? You just fucking sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what we never, cause like we joke about like coke and like meth and everything. I know it's ridiculous, but what we've never like really talked about trying for real is like PCP, like angel death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's no such thing, they don't write benefits of PCP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a mind-altering drug that may lead to hallucinations, profound distortion, and a person's perception of reality. That's fun. It is considered a dissociative drug leading to distortion of sights, colors, sounds, and one's environment. PCP was developed in the 1950s as an intravenous anesthetic but due to the, uh, serious


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, neurotoxic side effects, development of human medical use was discontinued. So somebody was basically a pussy and then they stopped fucking with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, how, scroll, scroll. How does PCP use, uh, what are the effects? Here we go. Recreationally, this is what we want to get into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A blank stare, uh, rapid and voluntary eye movements, exaggerated, uh, galt are among the more observable effects, auditory hallucinations, acute anxiety, feeling of impending doom, paranoia, violent hostility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All good stuff. Well, that's like again, like I always point this out. Like if you're feeling that way, dial it back a little. You know what I mean? Like you don't have to do that amount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you get addicted to pieces? Like I said, probably not. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just get wet. Just fuckin' smoke it. Powder? Or like? Yeaah. I mean, you could shoot it too, I guess, or snort it, but I mean, I don't know why you wouldn't just like, sprinkle it into a cigarette or something, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they would probably give you like, you know, no one took like, uh, HGH, but everybody was on angel dust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's PCP man, it's the fun, the funnest drug in the world. Alright, opening clip. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is someone just born that way? Is that like a, like a disease?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has the innocence of a child, like a toddler. And he's, you know, what the hell is he? 16?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, and he's like, the train went choo-choo. He's all excited for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay? Yep. First announcement, here we go, big announcement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have added shows and new shows that are coming for the I'm Coming Everywhere World Tour. Uhm, Northfield Ohio on the 6th, January 6th, the third show has been added. Fourth show added in Los Angeles, February 5th. Uh, early show added in Long Beach, February 6th. Fourth show added in Toronto, February 19th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Early show added in DC February 27th. Wichita is added March 9th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Portland, Maine has a third show added March 17th. New show is in Vegas the 25th and 26th of March. Uh, big show in New York City, March 31st, the Hulu Theater at Madison Square Garden. Uhm, uh, Bakersfield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, April 28th, San Francisco, a third show, April 29th, Sacramento, an early show, May 5th.


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[Assistant] Excuse me, May 1st, Fort Wayne, Indiana, a late show, May 20th, Cincinnati, Ohio, a new show, May 28th, Columbus, Ohio, a late show, May 29th.


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[Assistant] And Indian Apple Tits, June 11th, a late show has been added. They're all at Pomsacre.com slash tour and they're on sale now. Thank you very much for your guys support. We're very, very excited about it.


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[Assistant] Well, this is an announcement. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize. You know, it was like a new thing. And then, I'm gonna send this to native. You can go ahead and save your dates.


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[Assistant] And the other wow announcement. Yeah. Are you ready for it? I'm ready.


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[Assistant] YMH Live 7 returns November 18th. It is a Thursday. It is the week before Thanksgiving. You can watch live with us or you can watch it on a replay Thanksgiving weekend, which will be a lot of fun for you and your family.


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[Assistant] And I got on an aeroplane yesterday for one of our very special segments. And uhm, just want to give you a snapshot, if you will. Uhm, I don't know, Native, if you've got what I just sent you via email, uhm, if you can


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[Assistant] So I got an airplane, and we filmed what I think is the game changer of all segments that we've ever done. Uhm, I spent the afternoon with the Uncle Shine.


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[Assistant] That was in his neighborhood here. Uhm, so he walked around his neighborhood and then...


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[Assistant] I took him for a very special surprise that we'll, we will get into later. Reveal on the live show. Yeah, yeah, the reveal, but it is, is the, is the hardest I've ever laughed. Yeah. While the most have ever been scared.


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[Assistant] It was such a roller coaster of emotions that I had the whole day. One thing that I do want to say right now, right now, before any of this, I didn't know, poor guy, poor Unkshine.


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[Assistant] The real account because there's all these people and there's people that are taking his videos that have ten times the followers he has. And that's so disappointing. So, if you want to follow the real guy, Unk Shine, right? This is our friend who we're all a huge fan of.


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[Assistant] It's The Uncle Shine and Uncles with a K. So it's T-H-E-U-N-K-L-E-S-H-I-N-E. I held his phone and I was like, let me see this.


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[Assistant] Not a new one. So, uh, anyway, that's the real account. So if you want to follow the real guy, that's the real account. That's the real account.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. There's people posting his videos that have like 20,000 followers.


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[Assistant] Not cool. So, you guys, if you would, give the real guy a follow.


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[Assistant] It's a very nice way of putting it. He said some of the most amazing things I've ever heard anybody say. Oh no, I'm not, I'm not. It'll be on the live show, we got Rogan, we have some other special treats.


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[Assistant] Uhm, there's a, oh my god, there's, well I had a Pajiski effect the other day.


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[Assistant] So I've been, uh, I've been working out a lot lately, and one of the things I also do is I go outside to go on these walks, and I found this, there's this walk by our house that has a, um, a hill, that's like, it's a notable, like it's a steep incline.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and I would say if you power through it, you could probably do it in like, you know, I don't know, let's say.


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[Assistant] 90 seconds or so, right? Like a minute and a half. And then you get to the top and then, you know, you continue on the walk. But that's the, that's the hardest part is that, cause it's a steep incline.


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[Assistant] So I've done it a few times and I'm like, man, I wish that was, that was longer, you know? Cause you could feel, you could feel the work in that hill. And then Sean came over the other day and I was like, well, let's go on this walk. I'll show you this walk I go on.


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[Assistant] We're walking, talking, and we do that hill. And then we go down, and he's like, uh, let's do it again. And I was like, what?


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[Assistant] What? He's like, let's just do the hill again. Yeah. Cause this is hard. Let's do it again.


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[Assistant] I was like, I never thought you could do it again. And he was like, why don't we do it like five times? And I was like, that would be so much more work.


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[Assistant] And he was like, right, it'd be like a good workout. I was like, I never thought about doing it again.


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[Assistant] And he was like, yeah, that's the first thing I thought is we should do it again.


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[Assistant] But then you can go down and go up again. What the fuck are you talking about right now man?


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[Assistant] You actually called me and you go, do you know what ATX stands for?


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[Assistant] I was like, uh, yeaah. Austin, Texas. How did you know? You were like, what have you been reading?


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[Assistant] Right, right, because there's some places where, I know what you're saying, the reason that, I think the reason that is that sometimes people refer to certain cities by their airport code. Correct.


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[Assistant] Right. X is also, isn't X a thing that's in a lot of airport codes though? Yeaah. But what's the significance of the X, you know?


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[Assistant] The very first result we found said, the X, yeah, just replaces the NWS. So it's like, what is the NWS?


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[Assistant] Right, but wouldn't you put like, what is NWS airport code?


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[Assistant] Okay. So the national weather, so it was replacing X is replacing what the national weather service would label it by.


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[Assistant] You don't even know this. I've done that walk several times.


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[Assistant] And several, several times been like, I wish this was a little harder.


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[Assistant] Like I thought to myself, well I wish this was like a longer thing so I get like more work out of this. You know what I mean? Like make it like a little more strenuous hike. Never occurred to me to repeat the strenuous part.


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[Assistant] Well no, who would look- you looked up Australia airport code?


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[Assistant] It was pretty great. Pretty great. Also, the, uhm, the, uh, what was it, on the latest one, there, uh, I guess we wouldn't, we have been, you know, we're talking about the National Weather Association, we keep talking about the weather. Yeah. So they sent in, uhm, weather update intro submissions.


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[Assistant] I'll be honest with you. That's amazing. Yesterday? Yea. A lot hotter than it's been.


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[Assistant] You're commenting on the humidity. Well, because for the previous like two weeks, it's, it's been cool. Yes. And yesterday out of nowhere, you guys wouldn't believe it was real hot.


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[Assistant] I love that we're in jacket season. They know jacket season is the best. Another submission for weather updates is by Brian Porter. So we can play.


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[Assistant] Either one of these whenever we have a cool weather update. And uhm, if this would play, here we go.


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[Assistant] Very good. Thank you both. Thank you guys for the intro music. We'll try to keep you guys updated on the weather here as often as we can. Uhm, there's something else that I wanted to play for you. Fucking shit. Here we go.


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[Assistant] See, what I thought was cool is that I've never heard Demon as a pronoun.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it was masterful. It was really great. I was there live.


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[Assistant] I knew something was gonna happen, so, because there's been all this like turmoil, you know? Yeah.


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[Assistant] And he, uhm, you know, I was backstage with him and I found out that he got disinvited from film festivals that his documentary was going to air at. And so, the show was Bananas. It was at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. Fucking sold out to like the rafters.


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[Assistant] All you guys together is just... I mean, so DJ Trauma, Jeff Ross, Donnell.


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[Assistant] And then I go up, I bring up Joe and then Joe brought up Chappelle and I knew because, you know, when there's like someone's in controversy, but everyone's there, I was like, this is going to be a wild reception and we all got wild receptions. I mean, they got, we got standing o's to walk to the states.


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[Assistant] It started off, he goes, uhm, you know, he said, it's been said that I was invited by the transgender employees at Netflix to have a sit down and that I declined and that is not true.


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[Assistant] He said, I will, I would meet with them, but I will not be summoned. You have to meet with me under my conditions and terms. So you know, he listed his terms were like, I think it was the place and time of his choosing.


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[Assistant] Cause we were standing at the stage, heard like the curtain call and we were watching him do that and we did that and we were like.