[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I watched the highlights. It feels like there was three scores and that's what's tough for me about soccer. It's like those feel like the highlights and it's a long game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, eh. Who did Messi play for before he came here? Barcelona, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you really gotta have the money. You're like, I need money to just live a life because I can't even be out here in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember hearing a story about Kevin James, like wanting to browse around like a CD store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he had them shut down the store so he could walk around in there. And when people were saying that they were acting like Kevin James was being like such a jerk that he had to shut this store down. But I'm like, I imagine the guy just wants to browse around and look at some CDs. He doesn't want to be harassed the entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I saw her before. She's like, she always talks about wanting to see Johnny W and she was like, finally he's doing a show here. She was like, I'm going tonight. And it would have been that show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been there, but I don't remember. But yeah, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there are some out there like that where it's just like, come on guys, just put some signs up. Like especially trying to find, uh, the Uber lanes sometimes like where Uber and Lyft are at. It's like, we're all doing that out here. Let's make that very clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or are you like Nolan Ryan almost had a no hitter and then I stopped it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I just think that for your own personal baseball pride, you're like, yeah, you had a no hitter going till I came up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These two things where they try to jack up the price on those like this, you know, though I forget what it was. I wanted to watch some football game in a hotel and it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was DirecTV or something at the hotel and they had, the guy comes on and he goes, Hey, we want this. We want this program. We're in negotiations right now. And it's like, yeah, they try to jack it up on them. So DirecTV tries to throw it back at him. I think being like, Hey, that's not us guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. That's what they all do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I don't respond, it's because, uh, you're not saying my name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feelings, feeling, but I can't, you know. I do that too, like also like my, I have a friend named Will and I have to really keep myself from going wheel. Wheel. You know, like if I just say it, a wheel will come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta really be, I gotta really focus on it. Will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] G'day, mate. G'day, mate. That's the best Australian accent I've ever done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate this perspective though, because just being in Miami and you like, they're like, everybody speaks Spanish, right? They also speak English, but they're always print out like the G has like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waa, like a, almost like a W sound in some words, like a wava fruit. Yeah. What I would say like guava. And I'm like, you can't expect me to do that, right? You can't expect me to suddenly know that my, my letters make different sounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You say Lebanon? Yeah, I don't do Lebanon. You refuse? It's not that I refuse, but I just, it just, it looks like Lebanon to me. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure. Uh, exactly. I'm cultured now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh, you mean air travel, like not having to go through TSA? Oh yeah, it's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love, I love freedom. I get excited about it. Yeah. I mean, that's you. Yeah. I get excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good answer. You know, Peggy emailed me that had that had sent that in last week. We settled on that. We would say that they had been here since the beginning of time. Oh, that's a good, like, let's not put a number on it. Oh, okay. I like that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's there. You know, I guess she's there investigating the elevator right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to think that she did the inspecting, but now that she's gone, no one else can handle it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's nationwide. Yeah, that one is. Bart Durham though, you know, is not looking good these days. And even so much his ads are now like, when I see him on billboards, they're like cartoons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, there's, there's a part there. Akima Nostopolo used to do that. The strong, they got him the hammer. And it's Charleston, South Carolina. Akima Nostopolo. That's a fun name to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know about a mile. I think I do a pretty good AG1 read, but Aaron is the best. Best ad reader I've seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The legit make stuff. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw McDonald's in Little Havana outside of Miami, and they had, they told me that they had, instead of apple pie, they had like some sort of Cuban dessert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tough to find water in there sometimes. I feel like I go in there looking for water and they're like, there's a lot of sodas they're trying to get me to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are their name Bram Sous? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean they got the good stuff in there. They don't mess around. There's probably some generics. There's probably a, a, a general cola.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, or maybe even General Pepper. I bet they have. I wonder if those companies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, at the beginning of this, I mean, Brian said he goes, and we know fast food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even I go McDonald's on this. Yeaah. I mean, I don't know if Captain D's has made the list and I feel like Long John Silver's and Captain D's are about the same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? They had a good jingle, but I don't remember it, but I feel like they had a good song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going Bojangles all the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Bojangles also has great breakfast. They have a good, I used to get a, I like an egg and cheese biscuit from Bojangles. They got a little Bo rounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that scary looking character? Yeaah. Yeaah, with the ping pong head? Yeaah. You don't like him? I'm not getting me to go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, uhm. Is that shirt come with shoulder pads? Well, I don't, well, probably, there's probably a, you know, a feature you can add it. It's like a box. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't, it's really,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got this in, uh, Miami. Little Havana. I need to get one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm just, you know, I'm going back to the bracket here. If this is the late nineties, early two thousands, I say Arby's, but Panda Express is pretty top notch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You know, at the grocery store, when they offer the deal, like it'll be like two for five, it really is just one for 250. It's just to trick you into getting more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what I don't like about Panda Express. I feel like when you used to go to the mall, you would have a like Chinese restaurant in the mall that felt like it was run by real Chinese people and it felt like it had some authenticity. And now this is a chain and they're taking over all the malls. I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the donuts. I like to get an old fashioned and a glazed at Dunkin' Donuts with a coffee. Delicious. Old fashioned donut with a coffee. So good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would look up the Dunkin' Donuts specifically. Yeah, see that donut, that's like the one in Kentucky when you're going to Lexington and you get off the interstate and they have that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, gas station there that sells donuts and they make them in house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's good every time I'm like, ah, I think I'll stop and they used to give me a free donut with every fill up. If you got gas, you got a donut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in Kentucky, like you get off the interstate going to Lexington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish these two restaurants would kill each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I wish Duncan and Subway would kill themselves in a fight. You don't like either one. And then, it just, we not have anybody to challenge our beast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then there was a thing about their bread. They were, people were saying their bread had like, uh, yeah, they're, and they rubber from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody told me one time that they changed it to KFC because they did, the chicken wasn't real. So they couldn't call themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken. I don't think that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to a steak and shake one time on the road, me and you. I forget where we were at, but it was like the slowest service in the world. It like took forever. There's rumors that's happened a lot everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With steak and shake. Yeaah. Specifically steak and shake. Oh yeaah. But you know where it's not a problem. Chick-fil-A. Yeaah. That's worst service? No. Oh dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's 80 people in there. Well, it's communist in theory. They claim to love the workers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you can't just go shopping everyday in communist countries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. And Cuban people, they're- Popeyes versus Dominos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate that when a place will do that. I go try to order a place the other day and they go, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just outside of our delivery range. And I'm like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a joke? No. Okay. That's a fact. You laughed in a way that I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to know how Savannah Mercer felt about that ad raid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in the South and sometimes in Georgia, in that area, you know, you'll think a name is a, is a girl, but it's a dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Savannah's pretty. What area? Savannah, Georgia. I'm not saying it exists. Like I worked with a guy named Ashley one time and Ashley was a pretty firm female name. And, uh, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My grandmother loved Burger King. That was like her favorite spot. We had a, my brother-in-law is from Michigan and he had a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the trailer park people for the first year, we were like going out for mother's day and he got really pumped because it was, and my grandmother wanted to go to Burger King.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where she liked to go. So for Mother's Day, he's used to these really nice dinners and we went to Burger King. He said that was the first time I questioned what I was doing in Alabama with this family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] White Castle has the good shebang. I'm gonna say, for me, I'm gonna say that White Castle has crystals and I'll go with it. I'll go with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's on the 7 out of 10 of bombs. Not bad when it comes to, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great. Frozen custard and great burgers. If the box was just, uh, said dirt on it, I would pick it over water burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like how people pronounce it, Wattaburger, if that bothers me. I would have went Wattaburger, but. I think Wattaburger used to be great. This is what I've heard from people. What happened? Texas chain, and it was really good. And then a company out of Chicago bought it and then franchised it out bigger. And now the quality has gone down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was in my hometown, but it was like the worst experience. In Hermitage? No, no, in Opaleca.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a biscuit and gravy and then I would put gravy on the loaded omelet. They're the first one that did like a real hamburger. Remember when they did that? Yeah. Thick burger. They had chicken for a while too. They used to have a monster burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Frisco burger label. Yeaah. Frisco burger. Their Frisco burger is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're trying to do that. That's what we're trying to do. Like get back to being a hut. You're in a lot of strip malls now, you know, get back to being a hut. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. We've been, we've been saying that, but I feel like we've been eliminating all the chicken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they might, they might. Well, Wendy herself may have a gun. We're going Wendy's here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think we could wrap it up real fast here if we're just gonna stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. McDonald's is all over the world. Hardee's changes their name in different states. Right. They don't even have the convicted. Yeah. They're like, ah, we're Carl's Jr. sometimes. We're whoever you want to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They almost priced themselves out of fast food, I think. Did every one of those have a drive thru?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, I got, uh, I got, I fly American Airlines a lot. I got myself into the Admiral's Lounge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I mean, it feels fancy. Anybody can do it. You know what I mean? But it, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your take is more inspirational.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they said, our dad told us, go to college or work fast food and we started a business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then she picks it up and starts eating it, finds a finger in there. She thinks it was Wendy's. Her friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couldn't be kind enough to be like, no, that's my finger. I just cut it off. They let her run with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then there's a guy in the back, missing a finger. So you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he have it? Does he have it? Does he have it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love to see the trial lawyer like break, like interview people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't imagine there's a tone going on in most of the places in Alaska.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need to go. It's the seventh largest in the country, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well I'll also be up in that area. I'll be in Portland, Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This weekend at, uh, part of the Portland Comedy Festival. I don't know the venue, but it's gonna be great. I'm pumped to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, never been. I'm going an extra day just to kind of check it out a little bit. Never been. So pumped. Yeah. It's a very cool time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were having lunch or whatever. People were talking about it. And now he's suddenly too good for us. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's like, uh, listen guys, I'm moving on. You can keep the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he's having plastic surgery of some sort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty just called you fat, so I'm sorry about that. What? I didn't. I said that I, you know, I like to switch seats when I can. I'm not a big fan of that angle. And, uh, Aaron was like, I like the coverage. And I said, well, Alex is bigger than me. Oh, there you go. I didn't say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, fat. I didn't say you're a brick wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no one ever brings it up and I actually had made the joke enough and people didn't seem to get it to where I finally stopped being self-conscious about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you did great. Thank you. You did too. Ah, thanks. You've done my show a couple of times. People always like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get in there. I like to get in there. I like to go at it with them. I love to do it. That's one of my favorite things. Because I don't think people expect it. And then I come in with some heat. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I do want to address it a little bit because a lot of people thought that I was somehow making fun of people in wheelchairs and I think you took out a clip and I don't think in the clip it said we were talking about Southwest Airlines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's my complaint is that you book, you know, you pay extra money with Southwest to get an A boarding area. I'm like A1, A2, I've paid all this money. And then suddenly tons of wheelchairs come in with people with them. And I said, sometimes I think people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. Yeah, that's true. Sorry. I was wait. All right, here we go. Let's see if I can find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so that's one. So that's one documented case of faking wheelchairism. Here's one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason that people think they're faking it is because other people have been faking it. It's not my fault. Sure. And I also want people to be able to board early if they're, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get five wheelchairs, and then every person after that, you give the eight customers ten dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the wheelchair people, Southwest. It's like, don't have me book an early flight, spend all this money, and then you're letting tons of people board in front of me. That's my complaint. It's about Southwest, not people in wheelchairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm boarding American Airlines, it doesn't matter how many people board before me, my seat's secured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But with Southwest, I've paid money to get on the flight early and now I've been called ableist and a jerk and all kinds of names now because, uh, you know, I feel like Southwest is ripping me off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just feel like it was left out that, uh, that I was talking specifically about Southwest, because if you're American or Delta or United, y'all have an assigned seat. So it would be weird for me to complain about wheelchairs getting on. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, you know, I want people that need wheelchairs to get them and I want them to board early and I want no one to harass them and think they're faking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and speaking of like military stuff, you know, there are people that they'll, they get the whole military uniform and they go out to events and they pretend to be veterans. And there are people that go out just to bust them on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So people are faking things for benefits out here. And it only hurts the people that really, like, like someone faking being disabled hurts disabled people. Sure. Not me calling out the fakers. Right. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was in Columbus, Ohio, a city that I love. I go there a lot and, uh, there were hot shows. I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My old friend that I started comedy with, Derek Humphrey, uh, did the shows with me. It was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We started doing comedy years ago when I was a big drinker and it's fun to do comedy with my old friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a nice, sweet guy. And we had a good time. Funny too, but uh, we had a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you tell why he was banned? Uh, I, I don't know really, but, uh, I just saw it on the wall and nobody at the club really wanted to get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they banned him from the club. Yeah. They were like, we're doing you a favor to not hold you back anymore. Theatres are calling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in the green room? Uh, in the kitchen. Uh, not the green room. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well you're like, you're not allowed to come to this mall at all, but no charges. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, is there something that's happened to the Komodo dragon? The reason that we have them at the zoo, like were they injured and we rehabbing them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just wonder, like, why do we have them in captivity? Have we just captured them and locked them up? Or, like, cause you know, if you're at a zoo and you're like a bird and your wing was broken and now the zoo's rehabbing you, and you're in the exhibit, but one day you will have freedom again, would this Komodo dragon be free at some point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, interesting. Gary Goldman's great. He had a joke about grapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pink cactus, not where the Komodo dragon lives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. Thank you, Kate. Uh, this wa- I don't know why I'm thinking her yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, cause it doesn't sound like it's starting well. This was the most unhinged episode to date and I dare and dare I say my favorite. Oh, okay. Thank you, Kate. Needed some more time on Miracle though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Teen Wolf's not a basketball movie. I agree. It's a movie about a wolf, a werewolf family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy's real good at basketball. But that's not the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've never seen Miracle. I would like to see it though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Jay Gare. Oh, these comments are from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Reviews, and NateLynn at natebargotzi.com. Jay Garrett Ball, Aaron Dusty, and Buttermilk killed it this episode. We already knew


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we already knew Dusty isn't sure about the moon landing or the curvature of the earth. That's your words, not mine. But now we find out he thinks silent G's are a hoax as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, one guy wrote a comment with a lot of silent G's amongst the other letters, you know, in other words like though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just refer to them as flying insects or nociums.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spilled my morning coffee when Dusty said, get it! In regard to deborning a plane. Totally worth it. Except cleaning up this mess is taking more time than it should because I'm still crying slash laughing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. Well, it's nice. It is. And, and it's like, you know what I was, uh, getting, I was going through security in Columbus, Ohio, going home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was a pilot in front of me and the line was taken a really long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was just complaining out loud about it. I kept going on and on. And then we finally get through and the pilot in front of me goes, he goes, Hey, are you dusty sleigh? I was like, yeah. He goes, I was at your show last night. Are you serious? I was like, Oh, I'm sorry about all that complaining I was doing. He goes, Oh, I thought it was hilarious. Oh, so I'm crushing it in the tea. Yeah. Ashley Yoder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As someone who was born in the 90s and is a female who doesn't want sports. I think you're supposed to say watch sports. Doesn't watch sports. I loved Aaron's references to the Disney Channel original movies. I could relate to every category of sports movie because I had at least seen the Disney movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know that this is not watch. I think she doesn't want them to exist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grant Morgan, Aaron pointed out that Remember the Titans and Sandlot were not historically accurate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he aware that Joe Montana, who was on the team at that time says that Rudy is completely made up and almost nothing is true other than Rudy got in the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would write a true movie and then, uh, a network exec would be like, well, uh, they would ask us to put things in. They would go, oh, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would not have been able to play against black players in the majors. However, he would go barnstorming, uh, in the off season where he would compete against black players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I took theology class in high school that was based around watching movies like ET and The Green Mile and discussing how certain characters were metaphors for Jesus and what lessons we could learn from them. I think Aaron would have really enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nailed it. Yeaah. Cause he was healing people with a finger. Yeaah. He was. You guys seen ET?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's because they're, they've crossed over to the dark side. And once you're on the dark side, there is no, it's no coming back. Okay. All this is very accurate. Princess Summerland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Part of what made Rocky so great was the music. Think about it. Bill Conti's score and the songs like, Gonna Fly Now just pulled every emotion through the movie. Fantastic. That is true. You know, I always think about that scene in Rocky where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's arguing with his, you know, not yet manager, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] in, in his apartment, Mickey. Yeah. And then they get into the fight and then he, he basically kicks Mickey out and then he runs and then Rocky runs to get, or he walks away and then Rocky runs to get him. And then I think a real soft piano starts to play. It's so emotional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to show that movie to my nephew when he visited one time. You know what he did? Fell asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just, uh, I was so bummed because I was like, I really want to share this movie with you that you've never seen. And he fell asleep and you can't be like, Hey, hey, wake up. Watch this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that witch, if you scramble those letters up, you can get switched there. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Generally, I generally get my useless information from this podcast, but on the question, why do they call pants a pair of pants? I already knew the useless info. Originally, pants were not one piece of clothing, but two separate legs


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doug Robinson, what are your thoughts on this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to really be doing something physical. That's why I think chess is out. Everything else I think is a sport. In this category. My, my opinion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I like what you're saying, but I do still think there needs to be a physical aspect. And somebody commented about NASCAR. Did I think NASCAR? And I think you have to be very, it's very physical too. You're driving, but you're driving really fast. And I think it's a lot of intensity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I think, yeah, I mean, you gotta, you know, you gotta be able to handle it. It's, you know, of every race and movie we've ever seen, they have a wreck and then they have, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, but I mean, you need some upper body strength too, I think to turn the wheel. Yeah, I think so. Cause you're going very fast. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is just, you know, these are my opinions. I just think that you're not a chess guy. I like chess. Do you really play chess? I do. I do. I don't play it actively, but I do know how. Okay. And I've played it. I like, uh, I like a speed chess. I don't like, because I feel like if you play people that are just no time limit,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to, I like to just move. Let's get it going. Like, you know, we don't need to, it don't have to be so fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a minute to think about it before you move on. You gotta get that little clock. I'd love to have the clock, yeah.


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[Assistant] Can you imagine though, you're hanging out with, uh, uh, a UFC, you're hanging out with Conor McGregor and you're like, I'm an athlete too. Uh, I play, I play chess.


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[Assistant] I don't disagree that they're not great competitors and they're not smart people, but I just don't call that a sport.


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[Assistant] I used to, when I used to drink, I would hang out at the pool at my apartment complex and I would be, I would be, you know, pretty buzzed up and I would challenge people to race people in better shape than me and then beat them and it would really upset them. I'm a great swimmer.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying I'm ready for the Olympics, but if I get a little time to train, I'm going swimming.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying I'll win, but could I pass as a swimmer?


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[Assistant] Okay, uh, Jake McCleary, I'll admit, I used to be, I used to also be on the Dump Dusty bandwagon. However, one episode he said that the best Applebee's he has ever been to was in Orem, Utah. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Applebee's is five minutes from my house, so I took that as a sign from up above to give this dusty guy a chance, and now he is my third favorite person on the pie.


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[Assistant] Well, that's where Utah Valley University is. Oh, UVU. And I went down there, the Wolverines, and I went down there to do a show and they were like, meet us at the Applebee's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was a bunch of people there, and I, I was like, kinda in my head like, jeez, Applebee's, huh?


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[Assistant] And it was really good. The service was great. It was very friendly. It seemed very clean. I had salmon. It was delicious. Yeaah. Just all around a win. And you knew about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you knew about this already. You knew about this Apple base. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring that up. I will say this though. I had one of my first drinks as a 21 year old in an Applebee's. It wasn't in Orem, Utah. It was in Opelika, but I had quite a few Long Island ice teas in a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Applebee's in Opel Inca, Auburn area, and I got real sick.


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[Assistant] Think of how good that'll be for us. You know, Nate's on SNL and then he comes back, the podcast gets even bigger and we're just here.


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[Assistant] Alright, last comment here. Shalane Brower, as a proud Utahan, I love hearing that Nate and the guys enjoy-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a proud Utahan, I love hearing that Nate and the guys enjoy coming to Salt Lake City. Did you know the Sandlot was filmed here in Salt Lake?


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[Assistant] I'd love to hear a Utah episode, but I don't think we're really churning out famous comics that could be guests.


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[Assistant] Well, you are famous. You bet you got yourself a dry bar. Multiple dry bars.


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[Assistant] I'm glad we're talking about Utah because I'll be at the wise guys in Salt Lake City on New Year's this year. Very exciting. So I'm glad we're talking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, uh, Mormon people walking around, Mormon women in, in just, they just were dressed real classy-like, not like the, you know, just the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to my wife about it so much that she started like harassing me about how much I loved Utah ladies. But I just was like really impressed by it. Uh, and I just, I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, an ocean thing, or any kind of water.


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[Assistant] Oh, see, I do. I think there's some, a lot of, there's a decent amount of country songs about Utah and, uh,


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[Assistant] Who's the guy? Marty Robbins. He sings a Utah Carol song. And it's like, you just think of...


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[Assistant] And I believe things can erode, but I believe that they exaggerate it. They're like, if ever they can't explain something, they go, oh, millions of years that eroded and it became this, uh, kind of archway. But before that it was, you know, somehow this little part didn't erode with the rest of it did.


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[Assistant] That got, that got caught up and it used to be a whole...


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[Assistant] Oh, how about it? Is, is there polygamy in your family tree?


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[Assistant] You know, if they had a man that, you know, had a lot of money and he could, you know, he could really help out with the kids. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Wanna tell us about Helix Sleep? I sure do. This, thanks to our friends at Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode. Uhm, I have a Helix mattress and Helix pillows and I love them. The mattress is great, but I always say, I mean those pillows, I will not sleep without the Helix pillow.


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[Assistant] I love, last night I, now I have to fall asleep or I lay in my daughter's bedroom until she falls asleep and then I get up and go and I left the pillow in there and last night I risk waking her up.


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[Assistant] To get the pillow. It was worth it. Even if she woke up, it was worth it to just lay back down on that pillow.


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[Assistant] Genuinely is the best pillow I've ever had and uh, no one can ever change my mind.


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[Assistant] Taylor mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses including the award-winning Luxe collection, the new Helix Elite collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, Alex, and uh, and even- You realize that's how I entered the room, right? What's up, fatty?


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[Assistant] And even a mattress made just for kids. Take the Helix Sleep Quiz and find your perfect mattress in under two minutes. Helix mattresses are shipped straight to the door free of charge with easy no contact delivery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, take, and it is fun. They come in, they're all wrapped up. They're real small and then you open it up and this thing just unfolds. It's a lot of fun. They offer a 100 night trial to try out your new Helix mattress and offer a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the bottle.


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[Assistant] Model, not bottle. Unlike a lot of mattress companies out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix supports military first responders, teachers, and students by giving them a special discount on site. By supporting Helix, you are allowing them to support us and Nate Lang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix.com slash nate and use code helixpartner20. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with Helix. Better Sleep starts now. Wow.


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[Assistant] No I haven't. The name really drops off there for it, doesn't it?


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[Assistant] I think, I think Loch, a Loch Ness-like creature exists. I think so. Some of these lakes are so deep, the oceans, we don't know what's going on down at the bottom of the ocean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's why the Loch Ness-like creature is so upset. He's like, you're just killing things in here. And he's like, you're not gonna, don't be putting no more whales in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's too bad. You get kidnapped for a year and then you're like, well, still gotta get a job. But now she's like a celebrity, right?


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[Assistant] As a matter of fact, Aaron has quite a story about french fries that I still think about from time to time. Oh yea, I've told it on this podcast.


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[Assistant] I made some of that fry sauce at home. I like to make my own sauces at home. Put a little Worcestershire in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watch Restaurant Impossible a lot, and uh, this guy-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the guy's name? Robert Irvine. Robert Irvine. Yeah. Irvine Improv. We're friends or I'm at least friends with whoever run to social media.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, the, you know, he was showing a guy making his special barbecue sauce, and one of the ingredients was barbecue sauce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what happens when it's like, you have to pee real bad and you're watching the movie and you're like, oh, I'd really like to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to miss part of the movie. So are you really in the movie if you're just in your seat like this going, oh, I gotta pee real bad. Are you really in the movie?


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[Assistant] My stepbrother growing up would tell me that's what they would do at school. They would dip in class and just spit in the carpet, rub it in with their foot.


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[Assistant] But like, because I feel like you can hang on to a thing? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but skiing seems, uh, I dunno, like skateboarding is too, I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I do, but I, you know, I like to move. Well, and, and I think you also got grips. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not alone on it. You're like a bike. I mean standing. Oh, okay. It's like, it just feels like I'm gonna fall off from under me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure. If I, you know, if I grew up in the snow, I mean, but you know, you grew up in Alabama, you see snow once every four years maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I would not like to do that either. I, you know, I, I roller, I used to go to the skating rink a little bit growing up and I fell a couple of times and I just, I didn't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Utah's doing pretty good at football this year though, huh? Yeah, they are good. Yeah. College football? Mhm. That's not a pro Utah team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, yeah, it was, I mean. And he's just on the run from the, from the law.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I particularly enjoyed his time in, in Jacksonville. That was my favorite time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I really did start to like him after Jacksonville. As an Alabama fan, I never, uh, enjoyed him because I...


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[Assistant] Uh, and then he coaches there for a while and then he goes to Jacksonville and just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really bombs it and I, I just, I liked him because of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I came home, uh, and my wife was wearing a mask and gloves to pick me up from the airport and I made fun of her and then we didn't leave for two weeks. We didn't leave the house.


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[Assistant] I mean, listen, I abandoned all that stuff pretty quick, but in the beginning, I took it very serious. In the beginning I was at the Hermitage Home Depot, only person in there with a mask and gloves on.


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[Assistant] And then two weeks later, I'm like, alright, I'm done. And then all of a sudden, everybody's wearing a mask and I'm walking around without it. You know what I mean? I'm like, let's take it seriously until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're into that, right? Man, I started watching a YouTube video on Skinwalker Ranch and I had to cut it off. I was like, this is freaking me out, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they, this guy was talking about like a giant, I watched, he's talking about a giant wolf. He said he bought the property and that like the, there was chains all around the house and there was bars on the windows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, at night, they saw a giant wolf out there and then they saw these like, like tall, slender, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Humanoid looking people come and I'm like, nah, I can't do it.


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[Assistant] Did you go to the- They, for the record, they attacked you though. They said, what, did a picture frame fall off the wall? They did that too.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I'll be at, uh, Des Moines, Iowa this weekend at the Funny Bone in West Des Moines, Iowa. It's a great time. Been there many times. Pumped to be there.


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[Assistant] Since this was a Utah episode, I'd just like to say again, I'll be at Salt Lake City at Wise Guys downtown for New Years. It's gonna be great shows. Really a lot of fun. I haven't been there in years. So come see me. Don't make the book a regret it.


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[Assistant] I can't wait for us to ride as Gotels. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Keep it going. Alright, we're having a good time. Alright, thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're already back. Well, this is how the Batesville podcast will always be, right? In what way? No, Nate?


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[Assistant] Well, well, if it's Nate land, Nate's here, but if you're introducing it as the Batesville podcast, it will always be this way. That's true. I don't see Nate signing off to the Batesville podcast while he's here.


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[Assistant] Oh. You guys like a zoo? I'm not a big fan of a zoo.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I feel like when I was younger I liked it, right, when I was a kid, but now I always feel like all these animals are locked up.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I feel like there's a natural instinct.


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[Assistant] They spent the collection. Yeah. Well, mice breed. I like that guy from the green mile. Make them do tricks. Well, yeah, a little bit. I mean, mice really get at it though. You know what I mean? They have kids and, uh, I had so many mice and they spend their whole lives trying to escape the cage.


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[Assistant] So when I let them go, I turned them loose in the woods.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we'll do jail tours. What if they had jail tours? I know they have jail tours of empty jails, but what if they had like, like, you know, jail, active jail tours? Well that wouldn't be nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I did a, like a, I tried to do a, like a big brother program one time and I think I got rejected by the kid. Like I think the kid was like, you know what? I'm good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give advice, but I was probably hungover, probably smoked cigarettes on the way. Where was this? Charleston. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] But I was, you know, I feel like a good influence, but maybe he stopped it or maybe other people were like, he keeps coming back smelling like cigarettes.


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[Assistant] You know, just good old advice, I think.


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[Assistant] I don't agree with this guy. I'm just saying I'm not totally a zoo guy, but I don't agree with buying them up and then just turning them loose.


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[Assistant] You know, they let that, they let him go and he didn't know what to do.


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[Assistant] That's the closest we got. We don't have like a human zoo. Now that would be something.


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[Assistant] Well, you know, there's a, a man that apparently has changed himself into a border collie. Have you seen that?


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[Assistant] It does look like like an old man the way standing up and his like his backside is just straight down. You know what I mean? Uh huh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, let's do a little where we've been, where we're going. I, uh, I went to Austin, Texas this weekend. Had a lot of fun. I did, uh, a theater called the Paramount Theater. All right. Hot show.


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[Assistant] My buddies Alec Parent and Drew Harrison with me. Yeah. Hot, hot show. Very good. And I also, yeah. That's sick. Look at that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it felt very good. It was awesome. It's a big theater. The last time I was there was 2018, I did that with Bert Kreischer, so.


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[Assistant] The comedy mothership, here's a picture of that. Yea, I did the little boy bruh.


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[Assistant] Now, like we always, we talked about this so many times, but we're always like painting aliens, like they're just like these wise, uh, powerful, intelligent being. I think they're just.


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[Assistant] That landing's the tough part. How was that club, Dustin? It was great. Yeaah. It was really good. Like if I lived in Austin, I'd be trying to do that club every day. Well, I think they all are. Yeaah. Yeaah. Those comics there. I mean, it was really great. I mean, it was both, it was sold out well before, uhm,


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[Assistant] Well before the day of the show, there was no, not a single comic listed on the website. It just sold out on its own. Wow. And it was great.


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[Assistant] Even at night it was in the high 90s. Austin is a hot place.


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[Assistant] I went to Terry Black's barbecue, I went to a couple of Tex-Mex places, had a brisket taco in the morning, and that's what I'm all about. I did pay


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a famous barbecue place, Terry Black's Barbecue? I think so. Okay. I did pay $36 for three strips of brisket and some coleslaw.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I had three strips and I ate two of them and none of the coleslaw and I was stuffed. I mean, it was great.


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[Assistant] I had, I had, I had, at the Mexican restaurant I had queso.


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[Assistant] And had a little ground beef in it and guacamole. Oh yeaah. Mixed it up. Big time. By the time, I was full on the queso.


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[Assistant] I fill up on chips and salsa every time I'm at a Mexican restaurant. Oh yeaah. But we ordered a sweet tea and the guy was like, we have unsweet tea, you sweeten it yourself. Right? Real condescending. First off, I'm like, this is Texas. I don't know why you're treating us like this. But even in the north,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the only difference is you're putting it in there for me instead of me doing it. Yeah, I'm just asking you to mix it up a little for me. Yeah, just do a little something. Try to earn it before you ask me the question of whether you want a tip or not. You know what I mean? It's like, come on.


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[Assistant] Well, I was with such a big group of people that this would be really awkward. Uh, and they were all there like for my show. So I feel like they would all be like, well, do we all need to leave or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but it's like, yeah, this guy was pretty rude. Uh huh. Like he asked, Drew Harrison ordered like a chicken enchilada and somebody else had ordered steak and the guy was like, how do you want, how do you want it cooked? Chicken enchilada. He's like, I don't know all the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? I don't want raw chicken. And the guy goes, so you don't want the steak then? He's like, I've never wanted the steak. Relax a little bit.


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[Assistant] School, it's not like snook, sounds like a secret, like we snook in.


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[Assistant] So you could be orange, I'm guessing, or green or blue or gold. Yes. Yes.


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[Assistant] It is wild sometimes, like I'm sitting around at the house after coming home from a gig and I'm like, just a


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[Assistant] Few hours ago, I was across the country. Yeah, I always feel that way too. Yeah. I was in Denver this morning.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that would have been a trip that you might not ever come back from. You probably wouldn't. Like if you go to De- Hannah says people back in the day, on the frontier, when someone would leave, they would stand out and wave to them until they completely disappeared. Because they'd probably never see them again. Yeah. Wow. And it might take a long time for them to pass over the, whatever they pass over. Horizon. To the darkness. Well, maybe.


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[Assistant] Out of the frame of vision. You don't believe in a horizon? Out of the frame of vision. Well come on, what's the horizon? Amen.


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[Assistant] Zoom lenses have proven that, you know, when somebody is out of your vision, you're like, I can't see them anymore. You can zoom in and they come right back. They're still there walking or driving. However, they're okay. However, they're going about voting.


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[Assistant] That's pretty exciting. I did it one time and they didn't take any photos of me.


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[Assistant] That's how I, that's how I felt at Joe Rogan's club. I always feel like any, like the cool clubs.


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[Assistant] I feel like I'm like, I feel like I'm like a road comic all of a sudden when I'm up in there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I never have a problem. I did the main room at this comedy store one time and I came, I was first. There was no host. I was first on the lineup. I came out. There's a little step. I tripped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, I'm open, I already feel like an outsider and then I trip.


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[Assistant] And I pulled it together though, it was a hot five minutes, but I, but it did not start with it.


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[Assistant] Well, I've met him before, but he did come to my show in Austin. Yeah. Big fan of Jesse Daniel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's great. He lives in Austin or just outside and, uh, he's great. How do you say theater? Theater. You say it that way too.


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[Assistant] That's what happens to accents. Once you become aware of what you're saying and other people around you aren't saying it.


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[Assistant] Y'all is like that for me. I used to say y'all all the time. And then I just kind of became aware that I was saying it. And I don't think I say it at all now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, like Hannah said, would say A, uh, and then she says pasta instead of pasta. Pasta? Pasta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. And now she's like really become aware that she's saying pasta and I think we're going to lose it. And I'm, I'm sad about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever see, like, old school Tennessee people will say, wash. Instead of wash, wash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is wild. Like, like I met someone in Charleston from Tennessee and it was a girl probably a year younger than me. And she was saying Warsh.


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[Assistant] And I, I'm from Alabama, I'm like. I almost don't.


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[Assistant] I mean, I have to believe that. I just don't think it's cool enough to be like making that up. I think it is. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does that have to do with Jesse? He's a music. Oh, okay. Oh, buying tickets. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Do I say that? Yeah. Let the day come on in. That sounds like something I would say one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since we are so busy, the only way we buy tickets is last minute and Game Time has great prices on last minute tickets and flash deals. Game Time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all sports, music, comedy, and a thirder near you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like the Game Time app because they make it so easy to see the seat views right there on the app.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Event cancellation protection and job loss protection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Game time is the place for last minute ticket deals. Forget planning months in advance. Game time has deals on tickets right up to the day of the event. Get exclusive flash deals on tickets for football, basketball, baseball, concerts, comedy, theater, and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The game time guarantee means you'll always get the best price. If you find tickets in the same section,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And row for less, game time will credit you 110% of the difference. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, that's a deal. Snag the tickets without the stress with game time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code NATE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very exciting. Alright, yeah, let's do some comments. That feels good. Alright, let's get into the comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Matt K. Where do these comments come from? Oh, these comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and naitland at naitbergazzi.com. Or DM Brian Bates. Which many people do. I know. But most do, actually. Matt K.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never related to an episode more


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[Assistant] I was a beverage vendor for seven years and I'm a paint vendor for Home Depot for the last six years. And I feel like I could sit down and talk for days with Dusty and Greg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I used to talk to the paint people all the time in the Home Depot. I love the paint vendors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vowel spar and, uh, that's all I can remember, but. Sherman Williams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the paint people. The paint people always seem fancier than me.


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[Assistant] Well, there is a bit of a Mandela effect out there on that. Some people say it used to be Home Depot and now it's THE Home Depot.


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[Assistant] And they're like just trying to cover it now. Now we're, we're just Eagles. I'm going to see Eagles concert. Yeah. It sounds crazy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I was not looking forward to comment reads with Nate missing, but Aaron didn't disappoint.


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[Assistant] Love seeing Dusty and Greg on their first day. It was adorable and entertaining. Alright. He did do a good job and I'm sorry, Jasmine, that I'm reading them this week.


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[Assistant] Parker Jones, can we have Nate walk Aaron through how to properly dismount an episode? That Aaron Land ending was rough.


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[Assistant] Esquivel something like that. Greg and dusty may repeat jokes, but at least they add value other than being the butt of the joke. That'd be a harsh comment if I knew that.


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[Assistant] I mean, some people don't even read comments, but you have to read them and put them together.


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[Assistant] Well, I went through a lot of the comments, comment by comment, kind of answering their questions. Cause some people, I don't know, I can't get into it, but, uh,


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[Assistant] Alright, Aaron Brauner. If a significant portion of your total compensation isn't in the form of bonuses or commissions, you are not a salesman. You simply work in sales.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, that's true. You're not necessarily selling it to the store. You're trying to get the customer to buy your product over the other product.


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[Assistant] And there is, uh, you know, there's not, well, there is bonuses. We did get bonuses, but not commissions. Um, and I, yeah, I mean, I'm not out here. I mean, you know, I don't know the difference in working in sales and being a salesman. I didn't go door to door being like, you got a lot of weeds out here.


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[Assistant] My official title was, uh, seasonal merchandising coordinator.


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[Assistant] And then they restructured the company and I became known as a district manager. There you go. But the pay was still the same.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, it's like, but the sales part is like you're trying to get the customer to buy it, but you're also trying to get the store to order more. So sure, the store already carries it, but I don't know if there's anybody going into a corporation going, Hey, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, Tyler Hodge. Balderdash Bates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has never been more on point with his family's love of Crossville, Tennessee and Mariners Point.


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[Assistant] I'm from northeastern Pennsylvania, but I went to Crossville with my grandparents and brothers every summer as kids. It's truly paradise for pickleball, putt-putt, and most notably, Nate's favorite sport, golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't think anybody was really making fun of, well, maybe we were making fun of Crosswell a little bit. It was just funny that you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You live so close to Crossville and you have a, uh, uh, what do we call it last week? Time share. Time share. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I also did sell a little bit back in the day. Did you know that? No, did you mention that when we talked about timeshare? Maybe I did.


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[Assistant] Okay. Atlanta I think was a bit closer lost than Birmingham.


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[Assistant] About an hour and 45 to Atlanta to two hours to Birmingham.


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[Assistant] There is a club in our- There is a club in our- Crown of Comedy. Crown of Comedy, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A plasma donation place moved in next to them?


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[Assistant] Yeah, like plasma donation makes every area look shady.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So it's like, it's unfortunate. It's kind of wedged in between. I mean, when it was a pool hall, it was a pretty hot place. Pretty hot. It was sketchy, but it's pretty hot.


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[Assistant] Alright, Matthew Howard, I really enjoy that the four of you found out that Dusty had a relative who was a literal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobility in England and the High Sheriff of London.


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[Assistant] But you were more fascinated by what was going on with the people's ties and the picture of his grandfather. Best podcast ever. Keep up the good work.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I actually want to know more about my nobility in London. I'd like to go back to London and try to, you know, see if I got some inheritance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. Thank you, Matthew. You know, you know what? My, uh, my sister's last name was, uh, Howard. So maybe I'm related to this guy today. Lori Peacock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. It's got extreme. Peacock maybe? Peacock. Peacocky. You ever remember those Peacoats? You remember those?


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[Assistant] You can't debate animal fights without knowing the St. Louis Zoo has to be in the top five. They probably house the winners. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Halfway through this, I got real confused. You can't debate animal fights without knowing the St. Louis Zoo has to be in the top five. They probably house the winners.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I wanna take my daughter to the zoo. I would like her to see it.


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[Assistant] All pumped up on selling chocolate using the prize catalog as the incentive. I hated selling it and never did very well. I lived on the outskirts of what was already a rural town, so I had about four people on my sales list every year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, you gotta, you gotta use what you got all the tools at hand if you're in sales. You know what I mean? If your mom can run it up to work. We never sold this, but I would sell other things and she would always just get everybody at work to buy it. I always


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would get like boxes of fruit. I remember us having boxes of grapefruit and oranges and we would do chocolate I think, but I don't know if it was the world's finest. It was, you know, pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I thought you, I was picturing walking around with a box like this. No, we never physically had it. Like they would order it and we would place the order for them and then it would come to them. I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you told me that Rebecca Ryan was sitting in class and some, uh, poacher of a chocolate salesman comes into these kid, 9 and 12 year olds and goes, buy all this chocolate for me and then you go sell it. Yep.


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[Assistant] I don't like that. I don't like that. It's respect. It's great for that sales. Respect the hustle.


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[Assistant] But kids are sitting around with all this chocolate and I know it's very tempting. So you're eating it up and now your parents are like, ah, well that's true. Yeah. I don't like that. I'm with the Rebecca here.


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[Assistant] Zack, today was officially my last day at my current job. I hope you, I hope you did a two week notice.


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[Assistant] I arrived a little early this morning and was just sitting in my car listening to the episode when Aaron told the etiquette at a cat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, that was funny. I mean, it was hard to even contain it when Aaron was telling me while we were there. Yeah. And a cat. The lady was very nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always sound like he's about to transition to an ad every time he says something lately.


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[Assistant] Alright, last comment, Gabe Allen.


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[Assistant] The earth isn't really spinning that fast because speed is relative. The fact that it is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So big makes the thousand miles per hour so unnoticeable.


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[Assistant] For comparison, spin yourself at a rate of 1 degree every 4 minutes for 24 hours and you will have spun once completely. The earth is doing the exact same thing.


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[Assistant] Cause if it's, if, if the, cause if, if I'm, if I spin slow like that to spin once every 24 hours, then I'm not spinning fast. So if the earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But how, how was that? That's what I'm saying though. It's like fast is fast. You don't get, it doesn't feel slower cause you're big.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but you're walking the, whatever the speed is you're walking is still the speed you're walking. Yeah, that's right.


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[Assistant] Right, but, but, but the point is like we should be able to feel something going that fast. Like if you're walking five miles per hour to the ant, the ant is like, wow, five miles per hour. That's really fast. I can't go that fast. Right. So, um, you know, so to that ant, uh, you know, but it's, you're still going five miles per hour, no matter what it's not.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Not really. I don't understand what's happening. A thousand miles per hour is a thousand miles per hour.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're not arguing that. I'm back, I'm back on.


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[Assistant] I'm, I guess we're just debating whether. I mean, it's not doing that. So it's easy. You know what I mean? It's just.


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[Assistant] It's just kind of hanging out. Not even hanging really, just resting.


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[Assistant] I wish I had known we would talk about this. I would have brought some, some videos. I mean, now again, you know, these are somebody else's videos. I don't know, but I've seen, like zooming in on stars. I mean, it's wild. They're like, they're like changing all the time and it looks, it's so wild. It doesn't look at all like the sun, you know? We're a lot closer to ours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the sun's not doing this thing. It doesn't like change everything about it because it's closer.


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[Assistant] Well, it's like, I think we should like be learning really practical things. Like, so that when we get out of school, we know how to do stuff. Like, people don't know how to pay bills. They don't know how to balance checkbooks. They don't know how to do their taxes. They don't, I think we should be learning all this stuff. I think you should know how to cook basic food for yourself.


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[Assistant] I mean, and then we come out very productive humans, instead of being like, we just come out ready to go to college. We're like, let's get in debt.


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[Assistant] They're, they're class, they're electives that you can, I think we should folk like, it's like.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, like calculus was a class that you could take in my, in it's like.


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[Assistant] Then take up a hobby. Yeah, it's like, I don't need calculus in high school.


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[Assistant] Like, let's go algebra. Let's do algebra one.


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[Assistant] If he doesn't know how to button his shirt, then the answer is yes.


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[Assistant] But I don't, I think these are classes that people need to be taken. Where they learn, like we took a sewing class. It was an elective, we took something, but you know, I know how to sew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, it was middle school, so it was a kind of a required thing. Really? So I know how to sell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a needle and thread, you know, I learned to use a sewing machine. I haven't done that in a long time, so I don't know if I could do it, but. That's pretty cool.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And I think, you know, can you do calculus? Not at, I don't even know what calculus is to be honest with you.


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[Assistant] Back to the big school, like, cause this happened to my mom too. Was that a real adjustment?


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[Assistant] I think it's a good look. I mean, you got a, uh, what is that? Yeah. I mean, there's, yeah, I like it.


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[Assistant] I've had a haircut like that. I had a haircut like that most of my life.


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[Assistant] My locker got broken into a lot. I lost a lot of money. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] How many schools did you go to growing up? Well, I was just talking about this the other day. It was weird for me because some schools were being built.


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[Assistant] From, uh, kindergarten and first grade and then the new school was being built. So I went to another school called Brown while that one was being finished. And then I went, I was the first class at Southview primary. So I did second grade there and then I did third grade at a school called Martin.


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[Assistant] Third, fourth and fifth, which would later be called Northside.


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[Assistant] And then I went to middle school, uh, Opelika middle school for sixth, seventh, eighth, and then high school, OHS, uh, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth.


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[Assistant] That's a lot. Yeah. He jumped around a lot. Oh, your military family. That's what I was about to say. All in the same town.


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[Assistant] So all these primary and elementary schools, we all came together in middle school. So it was similar to that.


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[Assistant] Absolutely. Matter of fact, the girl who told me that her boyfriend peed on her pee coat.


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[Assistant] Her last name was, her name was Lindsay Savage. So Savage and Slay, we were always like,


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[Assistant] Uh, God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood in middle school. Oh no, maybe, uh, elementary school. And I looked at the dates and that song was brand new at that time. Wow.


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[Assistant] Cause I was like, man, this song must be way older, but it was like brand new. I thought it came out after 9-11. Had a resurgence.


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[Assistant] Few albums, but it's like, I mean, when that song, when you got that song.


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[Assistant] 2010. All right. How about that? I'm the class of the new millennium here. Me. Oh. You know? Yeah. What does that mean?


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[Assistant] Well, first graduating class of 2000, you know, I think it'd be 2001 would be, well, that was the argument that 2001, but we're the first, we were the first class to not use 19, you know, the first 20.


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[Assistant] All the tw- 2001 kids made that argument. We were the first, cause you don't start with zero, you start with one.


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[Assistant] And I get it, but. Those are the nerds. It's like, you know it.


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[Assistant] No concept for getting an education. I was like, I'm just here cause they're making me come.


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[Assistant] Yeah, every time. I mean, yeah, there's always some nerves also always like, I don't want to go back to school. I'm enjoying the summer break. Oh, look at this. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you look like you've aged a lot in one year here. I remember all these kids, man.


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[Assistant] And your other buddy Walter or whatever, he's off the team too, huh? Wallace. Wallace, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Because of that? Just because, I don't like any of that stuff when they create.


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[Assistant] Well, I didn't see that one because they talk about, you know, the whole, uh, scene of what happens to Jesus. And I'm like, I don't want to see that.


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[Assistant] But god forbid somebody put it on film. Well, they're allowed to do it. I just don't want to see it. Okay. Like UFC for instance, right? Like I'm glad it exists. People love it, but I don't want to watch people get beat up like that. I can't handle it. Yeah. That's fair.


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[Assistant] Like even fictional stuff, for the most part it's okay. I actually, I like, uh, Quentin Tarantino the most because most of his movies, it seems so wild.


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[Assistant] Well, I hear nothing but good things. People love it. People are always telling me to watch.


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[Assistant] I don't think Jesus misses. He hits his thumb if he wants to.


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[Assistant] So what about going to school for the first time? Would you guys like, you had like a whole going to the, where would you go shop? Yeah, that's what I was about to ask. Oh, was it? Yeah. All right. Where would you go shop for your, uh, for your new clothes? Like what'd you like to get?


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[Assistant] Well, I like to get wild with it, but yea, when you're, when you don't have a lot of money, like you end up feeling self-conscious about your clothes that you're wearing to school.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like every Tommy Hilfiger was the, was the thing when I was growing.


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[Assistant] That was my thing. I was like, anything, we'll go to Sears, we'll go to K-Mart. Well, not K-Mart, we gotta stay away from those, but you know, uh,


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[Assistant] And so it was hard. So I ended up getting more creative with what I would wear.


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[Assistant] Um, you know, and so I think it, you know, created some creativity, but. But it would have been nice to just wake up and put the same thing on.


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[Assistant] Almost like a faded one. You could get away with being like, it's my sisters. I'm wearing it ironically. Erin said that, I think.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I had a couple, I had a Toby Keith shirt. I remember wearing, I think I wore it like one time. Didn't feel it. Nobody was making fun of Toby Keith, but it just felt weird. What was the shirt? It was big dog or something dog.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, there was a big dog, there was a, there was some other stuff, uhm, but there was some like big dog, like if you can't hang with a big dog, stay on the porch. Yeaah, stuff like that, I remember that.


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[Assistant] Well, that's why it's like any of those shirts I can think to bring up are all inappropriate.


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[Assistant] I had a lot of shirts like that. I would get in trouble all the time about shirts.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, like, you know, not an airbrush, but like, you know, I can't even describe some of the things that I had. I shouldn't have been wearing them.


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[Assistant] Nobody was monitoring what I was wearing. By the time I got to high school, I just was, you know, I was getting myself dressed and heading out.


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[Assistant] Even in other earlier school, my mom worked third shift. Most of the time I'd catch the bus before she even got home. So nobody knew what I was.


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[Assistant] I rode the bus, usually about half and half. I'd ride the bus to school, my mom would pick me up or the other way around.


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[Assistant] I'd ride, she'd take me to school, I'd ride at home. How do you coordinate stuff like that back then? No cell phone. I guess you just, you know, they would give you just the, you know, my mom would just be like, I'm gonna pick you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, or, or I guess you might call the school and say, hey, let Dusty know I'll be picking him up today or let Dusty know to ride the bus. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that was only like a week too and I got to come back. Okay, that's nice. Man. I knew I wasn't, I wasn't malicious.


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[Assistant] No seatbelts at all. I threw up on the school bus one time, uh, it was three to a seat and I was middle.


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[Assistant] And it hit the seat in front of us. It went all over the other kids. I remember the kid digging throw up out of the crease of his bag with a pencil being like, you're going to buy me a new bag. And I'm like, well, I'm about to get off at a trailer park here. So you just hold your breath there, buddy.


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[Assistant] Uh, what'd you throw up from? Just like general being a kid? Yeah. I mean, food was never good and who knows? I mean, the food at the school was always crap. I mean, it was.


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[Assistant] I would do about half, not half and half. I'd take my lunch sometimes, but, uh, but it, you know.


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[Assistant] I had a lunchbox as a kid. Do you remember what it was? They got a G.I. Joe and a He-Man. Those are my favorite two cartoons.


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[Assistant] I'm just kidding. For sure though, when you got older, it was like you wear one strap of the backpack and you'd rather give yourself back problems than just wear it correctly.


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[Assistant] But that was true. I mean, Hannah would talk about, you know, growing up in Canada, the cool thing was to not wear coats.


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[Assistant] Like if you were like cool, you would just be freezing to death.


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[Assistant] Primary school, but it was done by elementary school.


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[Assistant] Primary was first, kindergarten first, second. I don't think we had it after that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, all the way through. I did some sports, but for the most part it was, I was heading on to the house. I didn't do a lot of activities.


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[Assistant] I did Campus Life, yeaah. You know what? The Campus Life people from Orlando came to see me not long ago and I've been wanting to wear that shirt in here. Campus Life was like a Christian


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, kinda after school thing. And in high school, I was really into campus life. I loved it.


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[Assistant] And so 10th grade, I lived in a house just a mile in front of the school.


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[Assistant] So uhm, you know, so I would walk to school a lot before I got a license and


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[Assistant] It was great. It was so easy to invite people. I might just go down this road. Last house on the right. You're gonna be partying.


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[Assistant] You're popular? Yeah, it was a hot year for me. I don't like to use the word popular, but, uh, I was cool. You know what I mean? Popular seems more douchey. I was cool. People liked me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ninth grade was really my worst year, I think, just in the way that I, and I don't think it had necessarily anything to do with changing schools to high school, but it was just like, that's the year I felt the most insecure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in my life, so it was a real turnaround for, for my senior year.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I remember there was a guy, I don't know if he was in 11th grade or 12th grade when I was in 9th grade named Rex Story. And I remember seeing that guy and I was like, this is a grown man. He's going to the school. He had a five o'clock shadow all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks to ZocDoc, we can now find and book in person or telemedicine appointments for medical or dental care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is helpful for people that are on the go or work different hours like we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever been on the hunt for a new doctor and you ask literally everyone you know for their recommendation? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you call their office and they have an appointment available. Amazing. But then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, the receptionist tells you this is, this perfect doctor doesn't take your insurance. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wipe your tears and head over to ZocDoc to find and book the doctor who is right for you and takes your insurance. ZocDoc is free!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a free app where you can find and book appointments online. We're talking about booking appointments with thousands of top rated patient reviewed doctors and specialists. You can filter specifically for ones who take your insurance are located near you and treat almost any condition you're searching for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These docs all have verified reviews from actual real patients, not bots. The average wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between just 24 and 48 hours. That is quick. Once you find the doc you want, you can book them immediately with just a few app taps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to Zocdoc.com slash Nate and download the Zocdoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash Nate. Zocdoc.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you got stabbed by one. Well I think that, it might have been that, it might have been a lead pencil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, you know what, I have a trapper keeper at home from middle school that I almost brought. But I thought, you know what, I bet people know what it looks like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It folds and then it has another piece that comes over and Velcro's on and then it has other little pockets in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the one on the far right. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I should have brought it. It's in such good condition. What's inside of it? A three ring binder with other pockets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I had, uh, card, comic cards from when I was a kid. Okay. Comic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love those. You'd comment cards for, uh, at Hyman's? Yeah. Any mean about you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really mean about me that, that I was able to get. Now there could have been some that I didn't acquire, but yeah, I mean, there would be some mean about the restaurant or, or funny or nice about me that I liked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, I mean, I saw a guy, a guy was like, give me a real attitude one time when I was working there and I see him pull the comment card out of the thing. So I take a pen out, click it, hand it to him. I was like, get it, dude. I was like, get it, fill it out. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's keep it from rolling off the desk. Oh that's what it was for. I think it would play that role.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about the mechanical pencil that you would twist and the lead would come out real far?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would twist at the end and then the lead would come out real far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever, like, cheat off people's papers or have other people cheat off your papers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like copying, like in class when you'd be copying off them. I was in Spanish in 11th grade. I didn't want to take it, you had to take one foreign language.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my teacher was pregnant and so halfway through the year she left and we got a substitute and this substitute, there was these two girls, Haley and Katie, and they would let me copy and they were very good at Spanish. They would let me copy their paper every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The teacher knew it was happening. They would just straight up let me copy. Wow. Nobody cared. Finals time came. The substitute wouldn't let me sit next to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just went all the way through it. I failed that test so bad. I had like a hundred in the class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I failed the final so bad I almost failed the class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? That was really, I, I don't, I don't appreciate her method. Cause it's like, come on. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not become, it's not been a problem for me to not know it. To not know Spanish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you're right. It could have played a role. You do one night in English, do the next night in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] End up, you know, going into a different field. I may be, uh, more successful in another area. You know what I mean? Who knows what road I would have went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Don't be like, you gotta learn, but you can't teach it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was hoping that would be a sponsor. That would be great. Yeah, that would have been perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I never have school dreams, but I will tell you something that happened. My mom brought up some middle school yearbooks to me and I had, I had seen this, the high school yearbooks over the years. I had looked at those, the middle school yearbook. It felt like it opened parts of my brain memories that had been shut down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I'm turning these pages and seeing this and it shook me up for a couple of weeks. This is about a year ago and I just was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just bringing back like not necessarily bad memories, but just things I had completely forgotten about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it just was like, cause I remember high school well, but I don't really think about middle school that often. Right. And he was just bringing that up. And I was like, this is weird. And I think I might've had a couple of dreams around that time. It shook me in a weird way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you peak in high school, it is, I think it is hard to let it go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, they're gonna, they're gonna go, you come in on Thursday, do a show on Thursday or the Friday sat, the two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday, you do an extra 15 each show. What would you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, block scheduling came in while I was in school, so we would do s- we were doing six classes a day, sometimes seven, for about an hour, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, after ninth grade in 10th grade, we went to block scheduling where we did four classes a day, all about an hour and a half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was great in the sense that like, you know, you'd have your, your two...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, main classes, your two, and, and then, and then you do that half the year and then the second half of the year you'd switch to four other classes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that's why you weren't class clown? Like what, cause you're like, there's immediate consequences if I'm getting in trouble here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I have a, uh, antivirus for my computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Norton that I don't even know how to find to cancel it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were fading them out. We were going, we, we started chalkboard when I was in school. And see, I feel like I'm the in-between. You are for us. You are. And then it went all dry erase. By the time I was in high school, it was all dry erase. Like a whiteboard. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smartboard? So is that like, will you operate from an iPad? Or was that like a TV that you could touch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about the, uh, what about the thing, the little, uh, looks like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could write right, if you had a, you know, erasable marker, you could write right on the glass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A cell phone was probably invented, but it was not prevalent. No smartphones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should do what Zany's does and have the yonder bags.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what happened to number one? What about pencil break? Do you ever play that? Number two pencils where you're breaking each other's pencils?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't a game. Well, yeah, not getting stabbed. That was never a game. But pencil break was, uh, you know, you could, you know, you snap and then also thump. Did you play that where you'd hold your knuckles out like that and you'd thump each other's knuckles? You ever do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to put pencils in the nose and then I can hold a pencil with my chin. You know, like, uh, I can't, this is not a pencil. I can't do this, but you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also been a long time since I've done it. Yeah. And then you do, do this. Mustache. Before I had a real mustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, yeah, I mean, to me, this is the stuff on the, on the bus. It was pencil break. It was thump. You didn't do that though. You hold your knuckles out like that. You try to thump it real hard. Oh, we would do that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No pencil, oh there's two, there's two different games. Okay. Thump and pencil break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm vandalizing a competition that's, uh, that's different. It's an evil corporation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? The city's water supply.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, pennies are down there too. Yeah, that's where they get it. You got, you know, copper is good for you. You know, his water tastes weird. Yeah. But I was in a Airbnb and they clearly had used too much fabric softener and I woke up in the night and all I could smell was, I couldn't even sleep. I felt like I was just breathing in poison. Dude, I had a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at the airport. I never, I forgot all about this until you talk about this, but this guy, I was sitting looking at the airline that was taking off. And this guy was facing me. He had big headphones on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was so hungover, he was making like these groaning, moaning noises. Very loud in the airport, like he was just in horrific pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He kept doing it. I don't know if he could even hear how loud he was being. Cause he had the headphones on. Yea, and his flight, uh, boarded


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And shut the door while he's just li- and then he finally gets up and looks around and sees what's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He starts losing his mind at the counter. He's like, I'm right here. I've been right here the whole time. As I do, you got to take those headphones off. I know. Yeah. You got to exist in the world. Yeah. Yeah. He missed his flight sitting right there, obviously in a lot of hungover pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is great. I appreciate this. I, I, you know, I hope this was fun because, uh, I, uh, you guys were making fun of me when I started talking about pencils and stuff, but to me that's when I was the most


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Game time decision. You may look at it. I think you look at the kid and you decide in that moment. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever see what women want? I did see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'd say it's up there. It's up, it's a great movie. It is really good. It's a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, uh, I was in town doing some shows. Yeah. Still working. Still working. Yeah. I haven't quit comedy yet. Did a show at a candle bar. Just people in there. Just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I get up and they finally come up and go, you need to leave. And it was like, he was waiting to be asked. He goes, all right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do people listen to one and a half times? Like some people who are like uber productive, I know they'll just to like maximize their day. They'll listen to these podcasts sped up. You want to hear what you sound like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm. Did a little video demonstrating that this does work. It does extend the range and I don't know the science of it other than.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What Google's telling me is that it uses the fluids in your head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a conductor, extending the range.