[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we signed a contract and now we do have to say this over and over again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but Kim doesn't look, she looks wildly different. Uh. She changed her makeup routine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, you feel a little bad. Yeaah. Just help the guy. But almost like, do you almost, but then have you seen the photo of uh, Don Jr. getting polycharged with Donald Jr. Get it. Just posing in like a flannel shirt awkwardly against a log.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yeaah, that one made its rounds a while ago. And you're like... Smoke crack? I'd rather have my son be a crackhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mhm. Rob Reiner directed it. American president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is not Bullworth, no, it is a different...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I haven't seen it yet. I'm sorry. That's a good, I was actually, we watched a movie last night and we watched GoldenEye just cause, you know, the outlaws is coming out and I'm all excited for it and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Pierce Brosnan is obviously the star of GoldenEye 007. And I realized I was like, I don't know if I've, it was so long ago that I saw the movie that I don't even know anything about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I, cause I saw it like probably in 1995.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, or he has aggressively hitting, hitting on them. It's like, you've never had money pennies. Like, well, you've never had me if my memory is correct. And he's like, not yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, but are the new Bonds, I'm not a real Bond head, so I don't really watch when a Bond comes out, I don't jump on it. But I know Blake does. Yes, I'm a fan. Are they, are the new movies just as horny as the old movies? I feel like he's like broken. Action movies now, right? He's broken now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that sucks, so he's not even, it's not even fun anymore, he's not just, yeaah, it's, no. Sorta like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's buffer than ever, which is pretty fucking cool. He's buffer than ever, which is tight. Yeaah. Yeaah. Because, Pierce in that movie isn't pret- he's not buff. He's just like a- he's just like a handsome man. Lean. That wasn't what Bond was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just, he's just smooth. But, but he can still beat everyone's, he can still beat everyone's ass dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't know, I haven't seen the movie, but I'm assuming it's, it's all about his sexuality, right? It's all about his sexuality, I just- It's like a, it's a sex addict.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a fun movie where I'm just, yeah, you're trying to- You guys should fuck each other. Well, we kissed!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't, that wouldn't be what I would do in that moment. I'd be like, holy fucking shit, that was so crazy, we almost died. I shit my pants. I'd be covered in my own diarrhea. I wouldn't, I wouldn't just make out with this woman I just met.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want it to be horny's happening and then you just cut to like a curtain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want, I want people to be so horny in the audience, they just start whipping it out, flicking the bean, cranking down, right? Right there in their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and we gotta get back there. We gotta get the action stars to be a little hornier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to thank for my 4th of July party. I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was gonna go buy, I always should buy like, literally thousands and thousands of dollars of booze for people to drink. Get em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hit them up. They sent me so much booze. They sent me, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. I got Tanger Ray, like cases of it. I got cases of Johnny Walker Black. They hooked it up so damn hard. So thank you Diageo, the liquor brand for sending me all this free shit. It was the best. And by the way, if you guys have a party, just know that I'm going to be coming with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was this week. For a second, I didn't know. I didn't know. And, uh, I think that was this week. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. And I didn't know that we were or that I was. And I'm so happy when I looked in that fridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was the Hines right there. I was like, I'm part of the team. Thank God. Yes, there and there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, Heinz 57 is a steak sauce. It's like a steak sauce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's 1957 and Heinz is the brand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think what it is is you start to eat a little. My family, we ate garbage meat and, uh, we had to have the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The steak sauce all over it. Uh, the sauce. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom, I remember my, she would buy the knockoff A1 sauce, and she used to, my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never knew. Years and years he was. Wow. I hope he's not listening. And you know she never like changed the bottle. So it's just like the same, like it expired like in, in 1989.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I might be there. Yeah, I'm gone. I'm out. Oh, it's in like two days? You know, I go, I'm hosting, I'm not hosting, but I'm playing in the major league baseball, um, celebrity All-Star game. But what sucks- Oh, that's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be like just a, uh, a coach or some shit. I don't even know how they're gonna use me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exploded on the mound? Dude, I wouldn't, I don't even know if I might, I would be able to torque my body hard enough to get the- Oh, Bunt, it's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, but then the running, dude, I'm in bad shape. I'm going to have surgery in just a few weeks. So like, I, uh, I can't. They're going to put you on a third base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, I'm going to get, I'm going to get into fights, I'm going to yell at the ump, I'm going to kick dirt, it's going to be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The space needle hit me up, which was kinda tight, like the space needle Instagram handle. I was like, yo, what's up? Roll through. You better get a dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm really jealous of you. You better tell him to bring the principal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spreading the good word of the outlaws coming out. It already is out. It's out at, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well damn, yeaah, so someone needs to let us know when our episode is coming because, uh, I would coming, because I would love to tell the people when we came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you say that? Yes. Wow, very good. Points all around. Points? Points? What was it? It was for Scantrons. Yes, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've talked about everything on the podcast. We're tapped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's right. They fucking try and take her head off. Like, that's scary, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And their eyes come out of their mouth and stuff. That shit's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the build up. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm catching your ferv.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in the hullabaloo. It's in the hub rub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got the fat base, but I like em. I think they're, uh, they're good. I dig em. Yeaah. Good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really hard to part, I gotta grab it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fervor hits! Here comes the fervor!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I kinda remembered you in an era when you got close before, cause I remember talking about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you the Larry Bird of our friend crew?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he's ballin', but then he's gotta lay on the ground. Is that you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you ballin', but you gotta lay on the ground? Is that what he did? Would he take a break? Would he take a break? Well, I was hit by a cement truck, so I think, I think- He'd lay on the side of the court when he wouldn't be playing. Cause his back, his back was all fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, do you think this is gonna be, this is like when you get, when you're knocking on damn near 40. Yeah. You're like, is this the rest of time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's my question. Do you think 18 days straight out of nowhere?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so we lost, we lost both you guys to anxiety? Cause the other day I was like, none of my friends have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you have giant trees over your house, it's like, yeah, that's a normal thing to consider. That's a regular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Adam, as a compliment, I would argue that you ain't have it then either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you overcut- you overcame your fear, now you eat salads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good movie. I played it for my kids and they fucking loved it. Really? It holds up? You think it's good? No, it's, it's one of the worst movies of all time, but my kids watched it and thought it was hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Blake, since you're the guy who likes to remake things almost, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fast food war, what the fuck was that called? Where it was like burgers fighting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Adam, I don't know if you're down to take a trip somewhere, but you should just go to see my guy and just see if it works. Who's your guy? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bodywork guy that I go to once a month is just, he's just a fuckin' magician. Bodywork guy? Uuuh. And if you go in there with something wrong with you, you leave and it's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is, he's not even up in LA. He's like outside of LA. That's what I was saying if you wanted to take a trip. It's so funny. I was there, I was there last week and he goes, do you want to schedule another appointment? And I go, yeah. He goes, okay. Got an opening in June, first week of June. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just works on like triathletes and people who work to, who work out at the old gym I used to go to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he gets people ready for like, Iron Man, ugh, my light died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's wrestling, it's yoga. I feel like I know this guy. Next thing I know is he's got anxiety, hates wrestling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he was on hard, he was on hard times and uh, getting through some stuff and got clean, got on some yoga, saved his life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just forget to take them. I remember when I, for Workaholics, when I did a body slam on like a garbage can and I cracked my ribs. That's right. Same season. They gave me like those horse pills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The south mouth? The south mouth? Shout out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just forget to take them, and then like the pain hurts, but I'm like, yeaah. And I like not taking pain pills, cause then you know, like you can, your body can talk to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. So your face looks better. You don't look large.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're sharing a trailer. You don't have a trailer either. Little M&M's?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like when they, when they do the turnaround I could, uh, just go over to my chair. Which is hopefully a low chair. I don't even think I could fall asleep in a high director's chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got the legs now, but like, he's also like mean to that wife who's like, good to meet you, Forrest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He loses, he gets his legs blown off. Okay. And then... Right, I remember he carries him, I remember that. He's mad that, uh, Forrest saved his life because he's supposed to die in battle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bizarre, we'll try and post it. Yeah, let's post that shot. Hollywood. He was supposed to die, and he's pissed, and then later he's an alcoholic, with long limbs Lenore. Wow. Ders. That's right. Go off, Ders. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same girl, same girl, same girl. In South Central California, there's something called a drive by shooting. We're asking students at the school about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're, we're, we're doing, we gotta like go, a designer to like go pick out stuff cause we're just both busy. Okay. And then like, the bill? We're like, no. This is what? How does this work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, so stoked to just go to Creighton Barrel right now. I'll just be like, we'll do... Yea, just go do it, just go pick it out. Let me do 12 of these sofas instead of the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Banks failed, bro. The banks failed. Yeah. They're looking at your IMDB. They're checking variety. They know what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, season two, bumper, okay, we're getting some- Yeah, they're like, okay, he's got-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jersey Mike's. You don't go Jersey Mike's over Subway?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of Subway, every time I turn on Hulu, it's like the Jared from Subway monster documentary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bummer, the bummer about it is probably he just wanted pictures of her kids, but he didn't, he couldn't go out the gate, right? So he was like, let's go and like hunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna give a sh- I'm gonna give a shout out to Sven Gulli. Okay. Okay. I got a little- Alright. It's a bagel. I got a little poster back here. This is- Kyle gave this to me. I did. At Comic Con a few years ago. I hung it up, Sven Gulli, still doing it, holding it down in Chicago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just said it's like goofy, uh, commentary, like coming back from commercials for like old movies that cost a deep, deep, deep cable chain or nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, yeaah, so Sven Dooley was like an old long time, like a long ago thing, and then he took the reins from the OG.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hulk Hogan t-shirt, my testicle, Zack. Maybe an alien's, uh, orifice is like radioactive or something. You don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a second. Oh, that's not true. Well, you were too old when you skated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't wanna drink post Mardi Gras, you know? It's a bagel. I was like, I'm still like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like from now on. And then, cut to, it's 2am, I'm like falling into an uber. Like I took like 15 buzz balls to the face. Yes. Okay. Jesus Christ, man. Wow. Wait, real quick, shout out dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was like, you're for sure going to be out till two, at least. And I'm like, I'm telling you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Jennifer Pike and big shout out Jennifer Pike and why did she give us a didgeridoo? Music. Because, yeah. I don't know. It's music. It's music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It never bothered me, ever in a million years. In fact, I kinda stopped seeing it. It's just been in the corner of a guest bedroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've, yeah, I've, yeah, like the first, the first week I had it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it just lives in the corner of the room, and Chloe's like, we gotta get rid of this thing, and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I stopped seeing it. If you just keep things in the corner for long enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't remember. Yeah, who knows what the fuck that was about. That was weird that we're all banging pots and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happened in your neighborhood? Was that? Right. Was that Silver Lake area? It was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Ders, eh- It still hurts, yea. Fuckin' hurts like a bitch! Was Kyle being a bitch saying how much it hurt, or did it actually hurt a ton? Cause you were gonna go to a party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm always fucking it up and splitting down the side and chips fall everywhere. Cape Cod potato chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's inappropriate. Well you have a 30 year old, uh, woman, rubbing, having you split your legs open and your dicks out in front of her and she's rubbing it down, she's soaping you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y-you're vulnerable like that and, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you gotta get close to the urinal. Well, I feel like if they wanted they could just ask, you know? That's true, that's true. Good call, good call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, n-nothing. Like, like what everyone does in every video, you do literally nothing. You just go like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I uh, I like the videos of the people that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw one the other day of like a guy was dressed up in a bear costume in a bag, in like a bin of bears and then would just like aggressively throw something at people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it was kind of, it was funny, but like they were really hitting people in the head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it rides the line. It's like, I don't know about that. Like, I think I would be, like, even if you're not hit hard, if you're hit in the head, you're kinda just pissed off. You know what I mean? With paper towels? I don't know what it was exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it looks like he's, he's looking for a thicker cut fry right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you guys have kids, so like, you're eating fries and nuggets more often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's still plastic on it. I have an air fryer, I've never used it. I've had it for like a year. It's the best. There's still plastic on it and shit. Oh, it's the best. I love it. What do you do with it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I don't, no, not really. I don't eat like fries or nuggets or any of that stuff. You don't eat fries? You don't eat fries?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if I'm eating a burger at In-N-Out or something, I'll have fries, but like I'm not, uh, I'm not making fries at home. That's not part of my favorite fry. I think is... Yea, like a grilled cheese sandwich. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, like, I like them. They're not my favorite fry. My favorite fry I think is, uh, sort of controversial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a Burger King fry. Oh god. Just missed you at Top Snider yesterday. Burger King fry?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I have either, it's probably been a few years since I had a Burger King Pride.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I went to the uh, Apple store at the Grove, uh, copped myself a new computer, haha, no big deal, and uh, I just bought, and now we'll live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just like, I was like, I didn't want to buy another blue shirt because all of my shirts are either blue or green. And Chloe was like, just don't buy a blue shirt. And I'm like, okay. And then I found, and she was like, oh, the brown one looks really good. I'm like, but the blue one, she's, and she's like, well, you have a shirt that's blue, get the brown one. It's a good looking blue shirt. And so I got the brown shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't been, uh, in a store. I haven't bought a thing in a store in a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I'm gonna have Chloe go back to the ball and return it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, did you go directly? Cause I just walked into Todd Snyder cause I was walking back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and we just passed it, and I was like, oh shit, I'll just wander in here. Did you go to the Grove going, I'm gonna shop at Todd Snyder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been so cool if we, we never see each other at, uh, Monday night birthday parties, but we do see each other at Todd Snyder's. That would have been, that would have been sick, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brown's your color! Oh my god, brown really pops!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's too much trust. Absolutely insane that like, that's how you find fucking doctors and shit. Like, I've- Yeah, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's insane. I took, like, for my hip and groin shit, I just, like, asked one person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's who they suggested. Yeah. And that's who I went with. I'm like, there was no... I kinda looked them up. They're like, yeah, it seems like they're a doctor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like you try to get into, to, to some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't wanna show up to the fucking guy who like barely fucking passed the exams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I did see that she did like a roast of Bert Kreischer on her OnlyFans. Which, I didn't know she had an OnlyFans, but uh, sick, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well initially OnlyFans was for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was for, like, creators to be like, these are for my, for, uh, Like it's basically a Patreon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, it was because they were all Chinese spy balloons and they stopped saying that they were Chinese spy balloons because they don't want more tension with China. So they stopped saying it and then they're like, uh, we don't know exactly where they're from yet. We still have to do more testing. And then everyone immediately just went,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they're fucking aliens when they're like, no they're not. They're from China. China's been spying on us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously. The universe is too giant to not have something else. Do you think they're looking at us? They got poisonous orifices. Whether they're here or not, I have no idea. I do think- Are they looking at us? Are they here? Are they looking at us? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure. For sure they exist, dude. Yeah, man. They're carrying on with their day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who sings that? Oh, yeah. Adam knows. Yeah, well I feel like that's like warrant or something. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Dishwalla. It's Dishwalla. That was like, is that Dishwalla counting blue cars? Yes. That classic, dude. Hey, play some Dishwalla counting blue cars, Blake. Oh, Dishwalla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was just trying to be deep. I was 20 years old. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, people are really gonna wanna stick around for three hours for this film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you could also be a tryhard and not- I feel like I am a tryhard. I do tryhard at things. Me too. But I have nothing- I know that I have nothing philosophical to say. I think that I do. I'm not trying hard to make people think that I'm intellectual by any means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I thought tryhard meant like a person who like tries hard to do a thing and then like, it's not cool, it's cool, it's cool to like, it's cool to look like, like you just did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, have you ever seen those like YouTube videos of like the guy who just won't stop dribbling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they watched our American Idol sketch. I saw that sketch that you posted for Blake's birthday of you, uh, of him riding you like a donkey and yeah, he like, was in love with you or something. That was cool, that was tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were just pretty fucking great. Like, he was a good poet. When like Dish-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is going to transcend music who's going to be the nirvana of this generation. Is it like Frank Ocean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well also, Frank Ocean isn't as big as Nirvana was in 1993. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's right. Like the bands that sell out stadiums now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, aren't the Rolling Stones of like the 70s and the 60s, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we have to introduce him. When is it? Well, no, the thing is, is before we decided to tee off on them for 20 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we're just discussing. Dishwala would have allowed us to introduce them, but now, who knows, man. Oh, they broke up. We're selling tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am bummed that, uh, Blink 182 is gonna have to postpone their tour, because Travis Barker, Blink 182, because Travis Barker broke his finger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he tried, I think he tried. No, I mean they're gonna do like a, it's like gonna be a two year, like world tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fell asleep outside? Oh yea, Blake loves to fall asleep, uh, not in his bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I gotta take that. Like us kinda going in on Dishwala, like questioning how deep they are or not deep they are. Uh, I'm a big fan of that one song of Dishwala. Don't really know the rest of their catalog, but I'm gonna beef up so we can introduce them at the Libby Bowl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this girl who was the, the like, uhm, what do they call the person that sits you at a restaurant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going on? Adam's coming in with some star studded qualities this morning. Yeah, I like


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[Assistant] Oh no, I said, I said, let's not do, no, no. I said, let's not do jokes from the movie, from the script.


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[Assistant] I think it's a, I think, I think it doesn't do us any favors.


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[Assistant] I take it back, say them all. Keep them under wraps. Say them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, how about we try and not do jokes from the movie script?


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[Assistant] And nobody else had a problem with it. Why'd you have a problem with it, pal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm liking this. Yeah, hey, I'm just asking questions, looking for answers. Right, cause you did phrase


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just trying to find out why you think it was you being reprimanded.


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[Assistant] Okie dokie. Just like they said, let's not say any phone numbers this episode.


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[Assistant] I don't feel, I don't feel reprimanded, I feel like that's a good suggestion.


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[Assistant] Yeah, she got ripped up by the... I think other people brought it to my attention. Or maybe it was Blake. Uhm...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think, unfortunately or fortunately, this person has an amazing phone number. And we said that phone number on the pod and she got blown up. Although she did say she now hates podcasts because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, many podcasts have said her phone number as like a joke and then she gets blown up.


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[Assistant] I bet our producers are gonna find out. Uhm, but yeaah, when you're at AT&T or the Verizon store and they're like, so here's the numbers we have and you are offered that.


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[Assistant] You gotta sit with that for a second before you go, I'm going to commit to this lifestyle.


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[Assistant] I didn't know those codes were called penal code. I figured, isn't penal like once you're in jail?


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[Assistant] You're penalized? Ah, yes. Yes, yes.


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[Assistant] Don't have seven names for your one country though. Like don't be the Dutch from Holland, also known as the Netherlands. It's too, it's too crazy. It's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dutch is a great movie, uh, starring Ed O'Neill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what was cool is the whole idea is that a new boyfriend of a kid's mom is sent to pick him up and drive him home from prep school for Thanksgiving and to like get him to follow the rules. He's like, I'll show you pictures of naked women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's our horny. I don't know if, uh, the step dab.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I know they sing about, uh, they sing about all the small things, this for us, that's a big thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you probably haven't seen this person for a long time, but soon after, like, when you would go back between college or vacations, did you ever? Should I tell everyone her phone number? Yeah, let's give her a call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever run into this person and be like, do you remember when that happened and that song came on? And she was, did you ever?


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[Assistant] Breach? Broach? I don't know if I ever...


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[Assistant] Was it live? You didn't call back to be like, and let's edit out the name.


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[Assistant] Right. And what about your management? Your management didn't flag that?


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[Assistant] How do you just click on the SWAT team and listen? People call 911 and say, Hey, I just saw someone building a fucking bomb or like cleaning guns outside of the school.


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[Assistant] Is it afterwards different than the come down? I thought we were just explaining the come down, which I feel like is the afterwards. That's a little different.


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[Assistant] No, you can't because then if you're a terrorist, right, if I was going to be a terrorist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, I would say, hey, swap me. And then like I'm free and clear to do whatever the fuck I want.


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[Assistant] Oh, here's some aftermath, right? Kid is like sitting by the front door when they get down, you know?


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[Assistant] Here we go. In California, swatters bear the full cost of the response, which can lead to fines up to $10,000 if great bodily injury or death occur as a result of the swatting. Dude, what? Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta pay the cost of, cause I don't know if the, some, some places the SWAT team is like on call, right? So I don't think they get paid and let, I would hope so. No, no, no, I mean like, there's not a SWAT team.


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[Assistant] Until they get called or summoned or whatever and then they come together.


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[Assistant] Like Armaged- like Armageddon, where like, they're all getting the call. Oh yeah, dude. Great moment.


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[Assistant] Where's it from? It's not Mr. Bean. It's the Se- it's the Seven Samurai.


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[Assistant] There's no phones! There's a village getting- well sh- okay, I was like, the pigeon? I don't know what he's talking about. Hey, I don't- I don't like no pigeons!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a village being terrorized by these people and they're like, yo, we need somebody to fucking help us. And they go to all these other people to like, hey, will you come help us protect our village? And like, it takes forever. The movie's super long.


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[Assistant] It's crazy. It's hella long because they gotta rope all those samurais if they just got three samurais. Yeah, we could cut that down.


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[Assistant] How about we just do a movie called The Three Sandwich Guys? And we all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well like, let's say there's a, we're at a mall, we work at a sandwich place at a mall, and like there's another store in the mall that's getting like ransacked, and they need to gather up three sandwich guys, uh, not to be confused with samurais.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's one guy who you don't think has a skill, but he just eats a lot, and then guess what? He eats one of the thieves. He eats an entire thief.


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[Assistant] Well, there's sorry. Sears went out of business. That's different.


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[Assistant] I remember when the Beverly Center was like the shit when I moved to LA.


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[Assistant] The closest mall we had was an outdoor mall. And I, it was a fucking nightmare. Why?


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[Assistant] And people do know what the Grove is because they broadcast like extra live from the Grove, right?


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[Assistant] Yes. Who cares? Developed Americana. Adam Glendale? Yes. Yes. Everyone was like, what do you want LA to become? Like the Grove? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you, what do you want it to be? What, what do you, what's your idea of L.A.? Does it have to stay exactly what it is now? Can you not accept like time happening and things change? And by the way, I'm not even a Caruso guy, but- Yeah, you are, bro. The idea, the idea that someone's like, do you want L.A. to become The Grove? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You came in, you came in thinking you could win, obviously, from outside of politics, and then it was like, no.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the OC dude. Everybody likes Collin. Collin somebody people like, yeah. Collin Rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They both did. Yeah, they both did. What do you mean? Oh, you mean like it's obvious that they're father-son? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, I sent you guys a picture the other day of me going to Cain's and man it was packed. And fucking Burbank?


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[Assistant] Nope, these two writers from SNL. Uh, oh. Son of a bitch.


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[Assistant] It's crushed ice? It's not just crushed ice, right? It's tiny pellets.


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[Assistant] And I'm pro- It's not, it's no rup- Oh, Kyle's pissed now. Kyle's fuckin' pissed! So, Kyle just left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you emptied it out, if you emptied it out, you had a party, you emptied it out, you needed to put the bin back in, how long are we talking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, he looks it up a bunch on his phone, and so you guys are in proximity, so it leaped to your phone. Wait, what? Really? Really? This shit is leaping?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh. Uh. What? I was like, why are they asking me? And then I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's, what are the, how, what is this? Wait, Terz, are you gay?


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[Assistant] That's good that your mom did that. Why did you react that way?


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[Assistant] It's too late. Wait, are you saying that when you were growing up, your parents delved out the gifts and like you, they decided? There was an order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I feel like, uh, this is gonna air right after the holidays.


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[Assistant] You guys think we're more fun on YouTube or is it more fun to just listen and imagine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tonight, it's Butthole episode. Sign me up. The Hemis and the Fishers.


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[Assistant] But like Odd Future, Odd Future got interviewed by them. Yeah, he's just an old dude


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[Assistant] I believe there was a certain executive at Comedy Central who would show up into our writers room saying it loudly, but it was like a thing.


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[Assistant] Whale's not ours. Hilarious. That makes it so much less cool.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was at a Hard Rock Hotel and you know they've got all sorts of memorabilia on display and it was like, it was like-


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[Assistant] Eddie Vedder's guitar, fucking David Bowie's jumpsuit, and then it was Pauly D's laptop.


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[Assistant] And you're saying like, well, they ran out of stuff. It's weird that they only had a laptop.


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[Assistant] I'm saying why do you think they would be running out of like musical memorabilia?


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[Assistant] I just wanna get this out there, I'm never gonna shit talk about Snooki because Snooki went on Monday Night Raw or one of those things and did a fucking backflip


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's, there's like a Vinny, I feel like. Okay, Blake said he can. Go ahead. Yes. Go ahead, Blake.


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[Assistant] Cocteasel. That's his name. Cocteasel. His name was Cocteasel.


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[Assistant] Affliction? Affliction, but the hair situation was the crazy thing. The bloomin' onion joints?


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[Assistant] Cause Italians, Italians kinda went away for a little bit and then they brought em back.


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[Assistant] No, you might actually be stoked about that. Ange? Yeah, I knew there was an Ange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Angela Pervin- Oh, so her name is Angela Pivarnik. Wait, who's that?


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[Assistant] There's four women. There's four women. Angela was kicked off and allowed back.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? We going right past that? Wait, no, uh, no, what, what, what is that, Ders? What was that show? What was that era? And like, they would all have to speak- Was that the same one where they'd have to speak with- Is it Celebrity House?


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[Assistant] Well, it's not like reality TV's gone into error. I'm saying like, reality TV used to be like, flagrant and dangerous.


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[Assistant] I'm just talking about the ones that seem like it's icky. The ones that seem icky seem to be gone. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. And I want those motherfuckers back.


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[Assistant] Dude, that's wild. I was gonna ask, did he recognize anything out there? Like, that's mine! Oh, okay, I'm chunking? Yeah, what the frickin' heck, dude? But, uh, I guess I'll have to save that joke. Am I chunking? Oh, there you are. Oh, you're back, you're back. Out of it. Dude, you froze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was almost positive you were going to circle back to some sort of cause.


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[Assistant] I know, I thought so too, that it's like, I want to be able to make a dent on these. You were like, it really kind of struck me and I, I want to keep working so I have a platform where I can speak. No, yeah. Yeah, trips on yachts around the world for sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that makes sense. Hey, they swung ya. Yeah. Man, I gotta see your Instagram discoveries page.


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[Assistant] What was the show, the show where uhm, Anne Hathaway and, what's the homeboy's name? Fucking, actor dude who we were talking about as Dick on like the second episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The like, the housekeeper comes in to wake him up and like lights a bong for him as he like rolls out of bed and he hits it. Oh shit, who was that? You guys gotta watch the WeWork show, it was, it was pretty good.


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[Assistant] I don't, but it's the, it's the, the, the, Kyle, I mean, we're just gonna say stuff we all know. It's just familiarity.


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[Assistant] You can, I think you can do that on your, like in your dials of your Netflix or whatever it was on. I think so.


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[Assistant] I know that, but- Yeah, what does that mean? Like a remake is a remake of s- intellectual property from everybody- for everybody at home who doesn't give a fuck about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but they're still the same script. They go off the same script though, pal. I think you can take liberties though, can't you? I know, but what you're saying is that Fast and Furious was a remake of a movie? Right. And it's like, was it a remake or they were like, good title, let's use the title again and make a totally new movie? Right, and nobody knew the title when they


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[Assistant] Or maybe we had the one out in Arcadia, guys? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Hey, I love Singapore Airlines too. Let me get a voucher.


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[Assistant] Do we want to just give one minute? One minute to just kind of discuss how Tom Cruise was not nominated for


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[Assistant] A role in which the movie's decent, right? The cast around him's fine.


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[Assistant] Tom Cruise alone makes this world real. Everything is carried on his shoulders.


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[Assistant] Happy, uh, happy, uh, week after Thanksgiving, guys. Post Thanksgiving. The come down. Wow. Post Malone Thanksgiving. Yes.


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[Assistant] How was your guys Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving was a big holiday for us as a little friend group.


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[Assistant] Was that right? He had us segregated like that in social media standings? That's crazy.


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[Assistant] Dude. Why, you're just trying to lord? Then one of us is gonna feel real bad. Well.


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[Assistant] Who's out? Who's out, Blake? If it's four, is it us three? And then another person? There's four. What do you mean? Well there's four, but you're not in your own top four. You don't put yourself in the- Yes I am.


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[Assistant] I think it was, yeaah, I think they like double dipped for West Coast, they like ran it right back or something.


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[Assistant] Legit. I tried to tell you baby. Millions of people. Along the parade route. Like millions. That's kinda cool. Yea, they said there was like 3 million or something like that.


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[Assistant] No, no, it's just, it's so awkward dude, because it's like- Oh, so you're just waving the whole time until the performance? It's like an hour and a half or maybe two hours of just waving. Like legit, your shoulders hurt.


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[Assistant] Sorry about that. I'm sorry about that, Adam. And I will fucking bonehead got in the gym the day before, did a shoulder workout. Well, they got to be


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[Assistant] This ain't real, Bam. Are you saying people were just like, I fucking knew?


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[Assistant] Just like, were they like, were they like, ow! No, well, yeah, and mel- and having like full meltdowns. It was cool to see, to look in the crowd and see like, I would say 90% of people are truly having the greatest time. Like the parade, this is what they live for, they love this fucking parade. It looked awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd look over and, and I would lock eyes with a workaholics fan, which you could tell that they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah. Oh nice, that's very great, very good. Much like hot girls here. Uh, heard some type buttholes. I heard more, uh, just, like, keep it tight and stuff like that. Where they're, they're trying to, they're PG, they're PG-ing it a little bit.


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[Assistant] I'm just saying. No, I get, I get it. What game was on that you, that you were jonesing for, Blake?


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[Assistant] No, that, it was Sean Paul, it was like, uh. No, that's Pitbull. No, Sean Paul's a different man.


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[Assistant] Your face like legit hurt from smiling. It was very fun, but at the end I was like, oh, I could, I'm not going to smile the rest of the day. And then I was just like, oh, dude, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, we performed at the very end. And then I started cracking beers as you would say, but I did. I was like drinking martinis and whiskey and a lot of red wine. It was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cold as fuck, everybody was wearing gloves and shit. No, I think, I think 100% of everyone lip syncs. Yes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, she's not from them highlands. Uh, but it was, it was, uh, truly...


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[Assistant] Like, an event, like, I got legit starstruck when I saw fucking Snoopy, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's hard to do, okay. The minion one, that thing was huge. The Ronald McDonald one, that thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you wearing your meta glasses? Were you in the streets?


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[Assistant] Come on now! No, the balloons were there. I will stand by that. Even the horse? The horse that was puppeted? There was a puppeted horse? It was so sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched the whole damn thing. Dude, I didn't get to see a lot of the floats. I only really got to see what was right in front of me and what was right behind me because, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we, I mean, fuck. Is it? I don't really know. We stopped right in front of, uh. Oh, green screen. You don't know. No, yo ho ho. Did it really happen? Did we land?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's augmented reality. Augmented reality, baby. We stopped, uh, right in front of Macy's, and then we, we did a few wiggles in there, we took a few turns, but. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the whole thing is- How cold, how cold, was it cold as fuck? No, it wasn't that cold. It looked nice, it looked real nice. Usually it's cold. It actually, yea, it was, yea, it was actually pretty nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was out there lip syncing. For sure, Kyle.


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[Assistant] I am 100% real when I tell you, cause I lie about a lot of this shit that we talk about, but I'm 100% real when I say that I saw someone with fingerless gloves and I was like, fuck, I wish I had scissors cause that's a good look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get the, the, you get the dexterity of your fingers, you can pick stuff up, you can look at your phone, you can do swipeys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, and no one knew that outside of that area. You gotta explain a little bit to the listeners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Against opposite contrasting. Interesting. I guessed that. I got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's the opposite again, it's the opposite coast.


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[Assistant] That shit's important. I like, I feel like more bars should give out drinking gloves, because once you put it on, you really feel inspired to really, really tie one on. Yeah, I could spend some money. If you got the gloves on, you're like, I'm wearing my gloves, I better put it in work. You know? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Cause it only makes sense to drink at that place with gloves on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you have to earn it? Ders, we stayed, uh, in the palace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Uh, mostly drank in the gold room. They have a room that's just like all gold, cause I guess it used to be like some rich guys mansion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was part of the original house. And it's this giant- Just the bar there, right? Gold bar, yeaah. And everything in it is gold, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they didn't give out drinking gloves? They didn't, yea, that was where I was kind of like... That's fucked up. That's, that's weird. You need a gold glove. The only way to elevate this place would be to give out cool merch, gold drinking gloves. Gold drinking gloves, exactly. Your gloves, sir.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, there's no merch. It's too fancy for merch, which sucks. Do they have matchbooks? Do they have a good matchbook? If it was like, you could have like Gucci.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gucci gold room merch or something. Obviously give it hype it up for the clientele.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was doing, uhm, Letterman before he retired and I slipped in right at the last few months and I forgot my suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like got on the plane, went there, and then opened up my suitcase. I was like, oh, I don't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he has the, and he has got a nice little beard to keep him warm now too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, he looks really good on the float. Ready for the winter. It was super fun. I took my parents, I took my parents to everything. I took them to the Tonight Show. I did the Today Show. I brought my mom and they just like awkwardly gave her a mic and made her stand there off to the side and then they just cut to her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, good on ya. And she, you know, she loved it. The family loved it. It was good seeing them, you know. And doing all the weird fun press stuff. Weird wild stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need that sweet cousin action. How many cousins do the kids have?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, dude. Dang. And what about you guys? Did you guys? I had four cousins. You guys go back to the Bay area. Yeaah, dude. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys do a friends, did you guys still get together and do a friends giving after the families do a regular giving? Or that stops at this point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I feel like we're probably getting to the age where like the- basically wives are going, you can't leave the family to go hang out with- to get drunk with your friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now Kyle, Kyle is down in the LA area a lot nowadays, but you guys didn't see each other down there that you guys waited to play pickleball until you're in the bay area. Well, no, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this for Ders because he was probably the most starch, uh, stark? Starch? Uh, staunch? Stanch? Stanch? Goodbye. The one guy who didn't want to fucking play the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. Do you think it deserves- Didn't get hurt. Does it deserve the hype? Sure. Yeah, I mean, it's- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't want this to be a pickleball episode, I mean this is a Thanksgiving episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and is that, no, didn't we talk about this, like, obviously, like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tide would turn quickly. We talked about that, how like you would win the first few games, but then they're just superior athleticism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, you gained 10 pounds? No, you would see it in my body. My body would change, and I feel like it kind of... I guess I gained 10 pounds. ...changed this week too. I did go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, pretty wild, but the batteries are currently out at the scale in my, in my house here, so I haven't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you don't eat, I thought you were full vegetarian, like you didn't eat meat. Is fish, that's allowed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And why, why did you choose fish? What, what is the purpose of pescatarianism?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember that. It's really easy. I remember it being like kind of a big thing and then we just got too drunk to like really signify, like to show it the, the revenants it deserves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved it. I loved it. Thanksgiving truly is one of my favorite holidays though. Everyone's just- Oh, it's the best. No one's exhausted from the holiday season yet. You know what I mean? It's- Right. It's like, it's the kickoff where everyone's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I love Christmas. I love, like, Christmas shit around the house. I like it. But, uh, I do love the fact that Christ is risen. Or was that Easter? Yeah, he was born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Thanksgiving, I always have such a great time. You know, I think it's like, cause you're not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think I have the best time at Thanksgiving. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My sister saw Mariah Carey and started to cry. Because she's like the perfect generation that just Mariah Carey was a fucking home run for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Nick is known as the hot one. Over Joe? Joe is the hot one. Joe is hot AF. And then the other one's also there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it. It backfired a little bit, but I'm excited to see this match.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well guys, why aren't we heavily invested? Fila on the dome. Let's just go all in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, Anders, guess what? But we won't, ours will be pickleball seltzer, okay? It's just seltzer that you drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You weren't good at anything else. Is it, do you think like it's at the same level of like a foosball or darts? It's like a, just a kind of a leisure game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stumbled when I was talking, you guys kinda laid in on me, and uh, yeah, admittedly, uh, I'm just an idiot sometimes, and I appreciate you guys, and thank you for holding me accountable. Every time I misspeak. For what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I said some shit earlier, I can't remember what the fuck I said, but you guys kinda went in on me. You said like, scrunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard a few, this is important, from the parade route, which was very good to hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Zuko, Zuko. No, no, Kaniki. Kanikidot, right? Kaniki. Who's Zuko?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go bumper baby. Beyonce tickets. $1600. Our producer just told us. How much? For some floor seats. $1600. Oh my god. Call Live Nation right now and do bumper sings Beyonce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd do it at $800 a ticket. Okay. Aww, who's going at $800?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's maps? Yeah, that's maps. Yeah, that maps by yeah yeah yeah's Cold War kids. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of a sudden we smelt this delicious like cotton candy-esque smell and we were like, what? Is there a cotton candy machine on the side of the stage? What's going on? And then all of a sudden these giant men came on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I wanted to shell out my ducats to come watch you perform as an average Joe, it's 1600 bucks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, yea, who are you trying to get? Who are you trying? Can we, can we come back? Can we come back yet, or? You can come back, yea, you guys are more than welcome to come back. Oh, sorry, yea. Hello, hey, hey, hey, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, sorry, dude. I don't know. Yeah, you didn't hear what I had to say. What did you say? A lot of interesting stuff about how I'm disappointed that she, uh, is charging too much for her tickets, dude. That didn't take that long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No way. Well to me I'm like, who do you want coming to your shows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If for 1600, you just want a bunch of rich fucks who actually don't love your music, or do you want- They don't love you like, I love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but if it cost $50, if it cost $50, it would still, you would still be like, holy shit, that was awesome. Like if, like back in the day when you'd go see a concert, I'd be like, ehhh. And it cost $5 to get in. Sure. And then the band blew you off the fucking water. You're still gonna leave going like, holy shit, last night was the fucking best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you have to, whether you say that or believe that... Is two different things. Yes, I believe you have to say, you are like, trying to convince yourself, but then if you go and the sh- I have no problem...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sucks. You can convince yourself that you are a Mark. Well I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was terrible! It was terrible! It was the worst! Yea, no, that, that suuuucks, dude. I mean, it- Yea, it was the worst. You have to just go, I'm glad- Yea, Kyle, what are you- What is happening there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yance is gonna put on a show. True. The team might lose. That's not what I'm talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've changed my mind on live music. Uh, it was a transcendent experience. And we're like, what does transcendent mean? It's cool that the killers did it. The killers did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, live music. You never liked that, because I remember, I went to a lot of concerts when I was 16, 17, 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would go like a few times a week to different shows. And I love that. I love getting squished and I love like having to squeeze out or like getting stuck in the pit and there's like a fully grown man there. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when you're 16, it's kind of fun. When you're- I understand. No, I never liked that. I never liked it. You never liked it, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well then that could be the same. It's transcendent. I feel-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Admittedly, I love Jack White too. I could see- you gotta drink that Kool-Aid though. If you just are like a- if you're just a hip hop fan or something and you don't really fuck with Jack White and you stumble over there, you're- you might be weirded out by that experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm team Jack White all the way. He, yeaah, he fucking rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coachella main stage. I bet, I bet. The guy's, the guy's a vampire genius. It was transcendent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, at Bonnaroo, and we were all there together, and it was right when, uh, Workaholics had just come out, so it was the first time, like, that was a really crazy Bonnaroo, because I felt like we were in LA, the show came out in April, Bonnaroo was June or July, I think June, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's only been out a few months, and none of us have really left LA. In LA, people are like, cool. And don't like us. And Bill will be like, oh shit, what's up? Yeah, and they hate us. Wee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people are like, oh cool, this show. And we're like, oh, we're getting recognized a little bit. But then Banaru was insane. And then Arcade, so I kept getting pass joints and I smoked every one of them that came my way. And I probably smoked like eight, eight or nine joints. And then Arcade Fire


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put on a hell of a show, and I remember just like, spinning through the crowd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when you're super high on drugs. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think we came late, me and Blake, and we came and met you guys just for James Blake. And by that time it was one o'clock and we'd been drinking since like 10am. And I remember, and we're in a church and it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the middle of the afternoon when I was not blackout drunk, I'd be like, this is great, but it was so late and I was so tired and drunk I was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, the loop shit's dope. Well, I feel like, I saw Reggie Watts do that shit in like, 04.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, Kyle, are you bummed that Yellow Wolf didn't transcend, like... I'm fine with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, look at you guys. Oh, well, yeaah, I guess you're, I guess you probably are right, and, and then, once again. I'll, I know white rappers, period. And then once again, he eclipsed, uh, Yellow Wolf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then now it's uh, yeah, that's what it is in The Last of Us. You can't watch it. Now it's like you're not allowed to watch it. The Last of Us, the HBO, that's based on a video game that I never played that looks like it's probably fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, I was just like, you know what? Wow, do tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, no, she hasn't posted that many of me. I think she, like, is politely going, uh, maybe he wouldn't want that one. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I got, yeah, I upped my linen game because that's cool. It was muggy as fuck. You had to have the linens and things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would assume yea, it's rugs, dude. I've never been inside of one. I don't know, I've never been in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, are those pillows good? So what was the controversy there? The controversy was just he was a Trump guy? And so now, like, his pillows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she got the gig of cleaning the church, and dude, the amount of weird shit that you would find, like full bag- like we went to- Used condoms? Yea, tons of used condoms. No, we found like full bags of Doritos and shit. Who's weed? Like full bags. Cause I would help my mom. That's not that funny!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, first communion, I don't know, some shit, we had to take a bunch of classes, and then you have to be confirmed in the eyes of the Lord. And, so, by the way, my mom taught these classes, my mom doesn't know shit about the Bible. Damn, your mom was in it. Nor did she study up. She just like, did the classes, and then would be like, I'll read this part, and then none of us would read it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to say he was a little bit late. Yea, maybe seventh grade, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Catholic. First Communion is second grade, and that is, yeah, that's when you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, I mean it doesn't, if you didn't grow up Catholic, I don't think you had to do it. I think you just assumed that you had to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, come on in, you're confirmed. I remember when I was a little kid, like, I, cause we had to, as a young Catholic boy, we had to, uh, confess. And I confessed, uh, that I didn't really, I was having a hard time believing. And the priest just goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, but like, that's shitty advice. Yeah, that's how- that gets us into a lot of trouble, dude. Fake it till you make it. Yeah, that's just sh- Yeah, that's just shitty advice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I know it's different. Dude, you've never been to a church? I've been to church with your homie Teddy multiple times. In LA?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell? Where did, where did, yeah, when he, when we all lived together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, wait, I, dude, I drive past Mosaic all the time because I live right over there. And, uh. Which one's Mosaic? Mosaic is like the cool one on Hollywood and La Brea. What is that? It's the cool church. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I keep saying her name. It's weird you even have to ask. You can't tell? Yeah, you can't tell? Yeah, yeah. I noticed that you didn't take acting classes, Blake. It's a bagel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leslie Kahn was pretty, uh, Hollywood minute. It was, it was, it was cool. It was cool because you ended up knowing people from those classes that still work today. Like I met, uh, well I knew Eric Andre before, but we got to know each other really well from doing those acting classes together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the annoying part of the class is, I mean, I get it cause it's repetition that's getting you better, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was one class, once a week, for like three hours or something. Yeah. And then- $300, god damn. And then you had to- Damn. Uh, rehearse with at least three or four members of, of your class, these scenes, every day. Yeah. You would have to go to somebody else's house, and rehearse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, and they were serving their kids, which I know that you guys do this because you guys are cool California people and, and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we've been here for 25 years and I bet I will do this too now. But at the time, I was in shock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a teriyaki chicken bowl guy forever. And then you're a California roll guy forever. Are you beyond that? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are you now? Are you able, are you beyond that? How's them taste buds tingling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is, it is the brown paste. Uni is the brown paste. I just looked it up. Uh, that we're talking about, like the brownish, orangish paste. And, eh, Uni is actually the sex organ that produces rose, sometimes referred to as the gonads or corals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't fuck with that. You know what, I've started to fuck with those little orange balls. Those, that's, that's Roe, right? Isn't that like, what is that? Yeah, that's the Roe. Yeah, it's caviar. That's a little salt bomb. That's what I thought it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just worldly, he's worldly. Omakase, they just give you what they want to give you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, well then, they only give you one piece of it, so then you, yeah, then you just say like- Right, that's what I'm saying, you just are like, uh, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you could tell him like, yo, I don't, I have a sushi spot that I go to regularly. And then I see, you see the same kind, you see the same guy all the time. Oh, he's the homie. And so you just, you say like, yo, I don't like this one. And then the next time he does the Iro Makase,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He won't, they're so good at remembering, they just won't put that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I just forgot it. Wow, weren't you there? When was this? Yeah, good looking house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other, the other night, Mike, uh, Lavanos, uh, had a, uh, like a, he re-did a New Year's Eve party at some bar downtown. That's fucking dope. Yeah. It was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a line of when I got there, like 100 plus people, I was like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bar? No, and it was, it was cool, but I mean, it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was just like a cool, it was just like a nice bar. It was a fun place to drink, but it wasn't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, but then the bummer is we got super, we got, well obviously we were drinking, we got good and drunk, there's a pizza place next door, we go next door,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, okay good, we're out of here. Then the chef sees me, and he's a big workaholics fan, and he's like, I'll fire some up for you. It'd be an honor. And I'm like, it's okay. And he goes, nah, sit down, I got you. And then he made us, there's uh, I think five, five or six of us total, six of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was so good, dude. It was so good. That's a dream. Uh, and then Mikey's buddy, his rugby buddy who has a fake testicle, pulled his testicle out at the dinner table and was showing us his fake testicle and we're poking it with forks and stuff. Like a nudicle? Wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what? He's like, he has like a fake- We're winding down and you're bringing this to the table? You were poking his- Yeah, he has a fake nut. He has a fake nut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you doing? Yea buddy, uh, huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You even sleep funny? This guy's so funny, he even sleeps funny. You slap funny? Oh. I fucking slap f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real, had stages that were starting to build. The stages are up. It's happening. The office was taped out on the floor. Like I saw it yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. It is. It is. And seeing us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so if there's any friends of the pod- Yeah, but people have other commitments and- If there's any friends of the pod that have big budgets, you know, studios-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so it's like the rice vodka or whatever, just a different way of for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm sure, and you know those dudes went off the page or off the like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like, I saw it but I never like watched it. It's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, they made a Reno 9-1-1 movie, what happened to the workaholics movie? Same, same company man, yeaah. Son of a bitch. I'm not gonna blame the Reno guys, but it's their fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About one, uh, yeaah. He's, no, he's, he's legit. I do like how they, they, they were like, and now we've got a new category about freestyle rapping, like, specifically just because he could, and then everyone else had to be like, fuck, what, what are we doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ryan Stiles was also on the Drew Carey show, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple bags, uh, Kyle, that's not how it works. Uh. How many bags of sand? Cause I'm just imagining all the sand over like years, just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa, Adam, slow your roll, bro. This dude is dropping mathematical shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The chemistry was chemical. Periodic table. But you know who had the best improv? The best improv rappers are from fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like over a foot long. No, no, no, no. You're saying you ate the rope by accident. No, he's talking- no, this man is- this man is talking about a rope. The rope?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's pretty standard, two days before you put it out. It goes through all that intestine, we're talking about like 50 feet of intestines. Listen, I'm not doubting like the rope taking that long, but if it takes that long to shit out what you ate, I think that's too long. No, I think that it goes through your one intestine then hangs out in the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because lunch just pushed, it has to make room for lunch. One thing you can do is you can eat corn. We need Dr. Brozarks. Yea, where's Dr. Brozarks? Yea, right, right, where's he at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Live shitting. But like, cause, and, and, you know, if you eat asparagus, it's like ten months. Different, different takes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rope probably went through like three dookies were like, yo, are you coming? And there's like, nah, I'm hanging. Well, what do we got, Adam? What do we got from Bro's Art Google?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I'm not sure what that is, but- R.I.P. Never to be seen again. Fucking sucks, dude. Well, unless you got a couple bags of dough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to keep it. You didn't flush it, right? You don't flush that. I did flush it. I wasn't gonna fuckin' pick that up. Oh, dude, no. That's supposed to go down a roof drain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was just in the toilet with the poop. No, it was just in the bowl. It was in the bowl. Oh, did you take a picture? So you showed the whole poop and everything? I wouldn't have done that. I would just tell the story. I think that's fine. Yeah, I would have taken the string out. Did you take a picture? Did you take a picture? Uh, no. Dang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you don't want to do that either. Cause that cross- cause then you enter a whole world where like- Where you're taking pictures of your shit. Suddenly you're taking pictures of your shit all the time. Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They will. Yet. They will. I wanna hear AI emo music. Remember the trend of people posting like, you had to post like the ten first photos that you pick or whatever, right? Right? Remember that? Which one? It was like, you just, you post ten random photos from your, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the first one was like, me like running. The other one was like, me like with you guys maybe. And then the third one was like, JonBenetRams. I'm like, that's weird. And then like the next one was something else. And then the next one was something else. Another JonBenetRams. And I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just kept being JonBenetRamsay. I'm like, guys, I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know where these are coming from. Uh, just trying to be part of society. Thought it was a fun idea. It's just a Google search. Don't judge me. That was cute. Hey, Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just chewed it and didn't break it? Yeah, I chewed it and sw- Kyle was still thinking about the poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I'm tripping. I'm tripping. I'm there with you. We're not, we're not doing it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My god man, this industry fucking- I was ready to do stunts again? Fuck. Bro. Dude, I was out scouting, I'm like looking at these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dick has a ribcage. It's starting to release. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's the like white, it's the white one. The Renu is the white one. There's like black, white, uh, gray. But sorry, it recycles the water though. I want a yellow one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you saying you're in the cold plunge and you're watching this? I was doing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was listening to music or a YouTube video, yeah. Yeah, I hold my phone up like this. Oh, I jumped in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I jumped in, got under, and then s- I just don't heat my hot tub and it's at like 55, 56 degrees and I get in there for like 7, 8 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Dude, me too, Blake. I'm right there with you. Take my breath away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And your veins, it's like, it's like vascular too, there's something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a lot. A bunch of stuff. It also, it also increases your tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I absolutely know that. Mine's not. I'm almost positive they are. Dicks are getting smaller. I'm positive they are. Yea, dicks are getting- Mine's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10,000 little feelers. Okay? Okay? Uh, see? Dude, I know we've talked about this before. Kyle, I gotta get my ball snips, Kyle. I gotta get a ref from you. Oh, you're getting it, Ders? You're getting, uh... Yeah, I gotta get it. I gotta get it. Cool. Cool. Pick your music right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But is it your whole body? Cause they're focusing on one region. Yours is the groin. Are you talking about like the body fat scan? Or like, uh... No, no. No, this is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I ruined it. Still funny. It mean, really mean, still funny. That's, I bleed red blood. Yep, yep, very mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did a sketch, we did a sketch show, a weekly or monthly sketch show back in the aughts, not the 90s. Uh, the early aughts. And it was just down the street from Ripley's Believe It or Not that had all sorts of kind of things on, it was the real deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, came down the road to like answer questions. She's like, I'm just down the street on tour over at the, uh, Ripley's Believe It or Not. I'm here to just meet people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, take questions. And she was like, you know, eight feet tall and, uh, big girl. And so I- There's a YouTube video of her. There is. And that's how we kinda set up the, uh, the sketch with a clip of her. And I came out with like a little itty bitty tiny walker. And like a dress on and like a goofy wig and like crazy lipstick or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, I was like, I'm gonna take questions and then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't, I think you guys do like a whole thing where you're like, Hey, we're sorry. You come up and you're like, we're really sorry. And then you like tore my dress off or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, thank you. Uhm, it's always fun to sit down with you guys, get some ideas, do some synthesizing and, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Betty Whitebat, Bob Saget, uh, we talked about, uh, Gallagher, maybe before or after. And Coolio, I think, didn't we mention, did we? Coolio we talked about. Yeah, it's nuts. It's not, it's not good, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not okay. Uhm, so, yeaah. Maybe no more flowers except for Paramount+. And I don't even know if that joke is funny, guys. But is it? It is. Is it funny when I make a face like this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, your face was what I laughed at. I didn't laugh at your words. Alright guys. But that was a bummer. So on that note...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a little kava. Yea, do some, do some katon, baby. Some kraton. Hey, now we're talking. Maybe do some kava.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Squirrely early. Uh, like for me, it's, it, they, the, like 6am. That's, that's squirrely early. I agree. And then, and then you get up, I've been having early calls all this week, so I'm, I'm wide awake. Look at you go. You know, cause I've been, I've been getting up at like 4 or 5am, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know it's been like an unbelievable heatwave in Los Angeles. How hot are you running the AC?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everyone's kind of like, yeaah, everyone's like, uh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's how I do impressions. I just say, I have to say like where you know them from, and then usually their name. So it'd be like 007.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put yourself in Nimet's shoes. You're used to, you know, swimming around, doing your own thing, and then now you gotta stay in the... in the school? I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm bummed that we've never been in an army movie. I think we might have missed, we might have missed, uh, our window. I feel like- Our Dunkirk? Yeaah. The window is like, in your 20s, early 30s, get in your army movie. Hang on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you got it. Yeah, I feel like this is the luck. I see Durz is gonna get, Blake would have had, Blake is, it's a very specific ward that Blake is in. He only can be in Vietnam. Yeah. I'm in Nam. I'm in Nam. And he's addicted to opiates. Right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm too tiny to play a, uh, uh, like a general, and I'm like too, I have too much of a natural kind of goofy personality to play like a, a hardened,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's just a fucking superstar. It's hilarious. Who wears those tight khakis, which by the way, that's why I don't wear khakis. Khakis look insane on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Walsh was, I think, trying to get some extra coin. He definitely said it sucked and he didn't get paid enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, we didn't say your dad, you had to chug it. Do you have to chug buzz balls? I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I loved, I loved that early success that we had that we're like, oh my god, we made it, we're in GamePro Magazine. Yeah, just kinda on the side of a page. G4 Network is talking about us. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exploiting the nerd culture. That girl's not a nerd dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my fake ID... Gunner Tor-Torfensen. Yeah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used our fake ID names quite a bit, I feel. Cause mine, mine was my workaholics character. Right. Adam Demamp. I was Devon Demamp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Adobe Photoshop 1, like the first time they came out with it. Right, just Adobe Photoshop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could take letters away or numbers away. He couldn't add something new and have it look good. So he could just rearrange the letters on the ID. So he had to use, like, whatever your name was, he could rearrange the name and make it a new name. Yeah. So I was Devon D. Man. Yeah, which is right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a, is a cooler, cooler name than just ma'am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were like looking up like the meanings of names, and like, the bridges is like, uh, people, it was kind of wack how people-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either they were, like, a well-to-do person, that they would. Yes. I would think it was church or something. That they were divine, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He at first was kind of like, I can only be here for 4 hours or whatever he said. Yeaah. 3 hours. And then we started improving and he was like kind of having fun and we're like giving him extra lines and jokes to say and he was like, oh, this is, this is fun. And then he was having a good time and he was like, ah, fuck it, I'll stay a little longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna fight each other. Oh, they're gonna be in like, uh, what's that boxing, like, that Barstool Sports does? Like, rough and rowdy? Is that right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barstool Sports just gets like fucking guys, just like the electrician versus the guy that works in the produce section at Ralph's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they asked me to, uh, uh, like comment on a fight, like be sitting there and being like, uh. Ringside? Yea. That'd be kinda cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, oh, old school. I'm such a dork. I didn't watch any of that stuff. I was- Dude, you didn't watch any? Mostly just like, kicking it with my family and like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scott Scorch vs Manny Fresh, which is insane. What a night. You know, I was in New Orleans once, this is like a decade ago, I think I was like shooting the first Pitch Perfect movie, and uh, Legendary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was a club on Frenchman Street, I think it was Maison, and we were up in the balcony, and it was like packed that night, we didn't know why, and we had to like, it took a lot to get in, and uh, Manny Fresh was the emcee, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a true throne, and they gave him like a plate of like 200 chicken wings, and he just sat there and ate chicken wings and watched mystical perform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sweetheart, I got three degrees. Yeah, I got three degrees to my murder. Uh, no, I think first degree. Life sentence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is Kyle's like first, like, you know, if they do win and he gets to go on stage, this will be his first foyer into that. So he's gonna, I think he will dress proper. The issue will be if they go on like- He'll have a leather satchel here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said this one's not for me. This one's not for me. I'm not gonna get this. I know I'm not gonna get this. You know I'm not gonna get this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, stews. Uh, I also have baked bread. No, not bread. We said soup. Soup is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how movies and TVs work. So the, they, so. I'm gonna buzz ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I performed at the Emmys a couple years ago, uh, and you look out and there's like huge stars, like sitting right in front. It's like Michael Douglas and shit and you're just like, oh my god, fucking, there's like huge stars in the crowd. But the MTV Movie Awards, it's just like you look out and there's just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then he, but that was his chest move. Well good for him, that's, that's the... That was his chest move. Woah, you're saying that was a clap back. Well of course. Of course, this dude knows exactly what he's doing. She writes huge, and then he goes, that's gonna make me unlikable. So I'm gonna go on my stand-up special and be like, now I'm like completely overrated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and then you're saying he's, he's hogging it. And now!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a pina colada in a can and it was un-fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. When is that? I leave next Tuesday. Now you don't have to come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, the skipper kinda jacked, right? Was he? Yea, he was, they made him like fat or whatever, but he was like old school fat. Oh, was he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the rich dude's name? The rich old dude. Was he like, perverted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm very excited, I'm very happy, I just taught something, I just taught my friends something about music, which I don't know if I've ever done. Usually they're the ones that tell me about new music, I'm usually pretty bad, I only know


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bands that were popular between 1994 and 2004.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So last year we went to a PGA tournament, uh, on Kauai Island here in South Carolina and me and McBride and a bunch of people and we somehow got hooked up with, uh, somehow we got hooked up with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kygo's manager, Manager Miles, big shout out to Manager Miles, uh, good dude, and he put me on to, he was like, Kygo, I didn't know much about Kygo, I've since, now I know more, and he was telling me that it's called Trap House Music, and evidently, Kygo was one of the first people, if not the first people to kinda, uh, do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 101 master parties. You're there just to party. It's just you and, and your dudes and it's just you're throwing down. But I, uh, my first standup tour, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's exhausting. You're on the road for like a month straight. You're doing shows every night. You need to get a good night's rest at the end of the night because you're going to be on a plane the next morning. It's very hectic. Pizza pizza. Isaac put me up in W hotels. So every night I'm at a W hotel. You can never, you turn on a light switch and it'll just be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry. My bad. Okay, I didn't realize you were at the W. You should've said you were at the W. That's a vibe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, but they do a thing, uhm, the Palm Tree Festival, I wanna, I think it's called? WTF is that? Where they have like a big festival, Kaigo performs, and then they have like Jimmy Buffett perform and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have- I've not been to this festival, I've just seen it. I am intrigued. Since now I- I follow, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The manager miles in Kygo now. What's it called, Palm Tree Festival? I believe so, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's supposed to be beautiful. What do you mean, what's up with it? Yea, it's supposed to be a beautiful, awesome place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got reach. I hope they do. And you know what, I take it back, if I'm there just to party, if it's to go with you guys and we're just gonna go and we're gonna party, we're gonna do the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just have a great time. I'm all for the W Hotel. I don't need to see how to get dressed in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I don't need light switches to actually turn on the actual light and not like some inspirational quote on the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, it was, it was the fact, it was by the time I got week three in and I'm in a new city in a new hotel every night and you go to turn on a light so you can see what you're doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I drank last night. Have you guys ever seen this or had this? Pappy Van Winkle? Excuse me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Pappy Van Winkle, uh, I, I went and played cards at a friend's house and he busted out this bottle. It was like, it's like a five or $10,000 bottle of, uh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't know. And the card game was like, I like, I was one of the big winners. I won $200. So I don't know why he busted out this crazy expensive bottle of, uh, whiskey. He said it was a gift. So he's like, yeah, sure. Let's drink it. What card games were you playing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this his bluff? Yeah, it could be. His long con.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Blackjack is a hard game to play just with your friends, cause you know, no one's gonna be the casino. I know, I know. You gotta have a house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love that. Let's get it together, man. I would love to. Who knew this? I didn't know this. Playing cards is so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm surprised you guys haven't heard of this. I got deep into- I got deep into- Why is it so expensive? Is it a- It's very good, uh, and it's distilled like 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well he didn't, he was given it as a gift, so he didn't buy that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they only release something like 7000 cases a year and they only give it to liquor stores. Like they'll give you a bottle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Per liquor store, if you move all of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all of their other whiskies. So it's a big distillery and this is their nicest stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they will, they can't keep it like, it's on- Yeah, there's like whiskey collectors. They have like deals with, with the, the high end, high end collectors that are like, as soon as you get one, I'll pay five or ten grand or whatever it was. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think it's, uh, 10,000 and I looked it up and it seems like you can find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four or five grand, but then everyone on, and like in the, on the pages were like, well good luck actually getting it. They list it for this, but then actually finding it is, is much harder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you have to make it to consider yourself a bootlegger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it his father or his grandfather? I think it was his, his father, uh, was a huge bootlegger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, 18 I think back then? The day that it turned illegal. And you're like, well fuck. And then you have to go a decade without drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Wait, but here's the- I mean, yes it was during Prohibition, that's what Prohibition was.