[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a flash. Like life flickers by fast sometimes. Do you ever stop to think about that, how fast time goes by? I dunno. I'm just like, I'm gonna blink and I'll be an old man, I think, tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, time is passing. I wouldn't change a thing. I mean the thing is time passes faster when you're busy and also when you're enjoying yourself. True. When you're not having the perception of time, like if you're bored and there's nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you're waiting for something. Yeaah. An hour can stretch on forever. Oh yeaah. Or you load up Rimworld and suddenly it's like four days of your life have like vanished down a hole and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's another. It's a, it's a trial, but it's, it's, I don't know, like there's a certain happiness in getting things done, especially if you like finish it or something like that. You know, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you get the same satisfaction from those kind of open-ended games as you do from putting down, like closing the last page of a book and putting it up there and being like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed all these games, but I feel like The Witcher did suffer a bit from that Skyrim thing, of a, you have to save the world, the world is in peril, and by the way, if you'd want, you could wander around for 22 weeks, just pissing about, just doing anything, helping out, a gran, you know, digging a hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do prefer the ones that let me set my own pace. I don't know, gaming is, it's really interesting. It's a bit of something for everyone. And I encourage you to just try everything until you find what makes you happy. But yeah, I used to get a lot of pleasure out of finishing games. I think back in the day,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And more recently, you know, I was talking about Wolfenstein and Doom. Yeah, those experiences were very, very good. Um, you know, you just, you, you played through the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there wasn't too much side action going on, not too overwhelming. Cause sometimes it's like, there's too many choices sometimes. If you're, if you're arguing with your significant other about where to get food, if you give her two choices, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it's much easier for her to pick, whereas if you give her 15, it's like, yeaah, you're overwhelmed with choice and you can't decide at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, it's like, it's like, as a vegetarian, I find it very easy to order from menus now because there's only two choices. So I'm like, oh, I'll have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not talking about you at a steak restaurant, uh, so it's like, you know, going to Morton's and go with you as a vegetarian. Yeah. Them looking at you like down, down their nose like some Victorian school team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not, it's not really real either is it? Cause I've seen like, I saw how, how it's made. It's kind of made incredibly artificially. You know, they actually like, it's almost like with a giant printer, they basically just get this big load of pink ink and a big load of white ink and they just literally kind of splodge it out onto this, this thing and then slice it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I suppose American bacon might well be vegetarian, a lot of these things are, like chicken, chicken pot noodles are vegan, I think, actually. It's just power, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't even ask if my name was, you know, I'm that kind of guy, just love and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh cool, well I'm terribly allergic to cats. I've learned this mistake, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's, it's kind of a deal breaker. I mean, that was, that was why me and Hannah broke up. It was like, you know, she wanted cats. I didn't want cats. Well, I couldn't, I couldn't have cats. I was, I was infertile for cats, I guess. I was unable to conceive cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a basement garden flat. It's got a garden. I've got a garden. Yeah, why don't you get a fucking hat stand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You stride out of, you rise out of your bed, fully erect and nude, and you walk over to the window, you pull the curtains aside, and you hold up your cup of tea, and you sip it, and you look out at the birds, frolicking, enjoying their mealworms on the nude bird table. That's not far off the way it is, it's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and you just, you open your window a little crack and you sniff the morning air and you're like, ah, life is, life is good. Is that the average morning?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You make the Mickey Mouse pancakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everyone runs downstairs. Oh, it's heaven. I imagine it just is this track. Oh, have you seen my slippers, young, young lady?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, young child. Oh, look what's in the newspaper today. It's like, it's like, oh god, let me, oh, you sit down outside and put your feet up. Oh, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh. It's wonderful. It's a wonderful dream. It's everyone's dream. Did you, I mean, what was it like when you were a kid? Did you have this warm family kind of environment of things like that? Like that Whiston Castle that woke you up in the morning? Do you have any of this stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in that day and age, like, that must have been really boring. Honestly, it was hell. Seven years of like an hour and a half to school every morning was, was, was hell. And I vowed never to get a bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate homework, I hate all of it. I'd have this routine like where, cause I'm still the same today and I'm sure a lot of people are like, it's the way you wake, where you have multiple alarms to wake yourself up, right? So you wake up and you're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I've, I've, I'm kind of awake, but uhm, I'm gonna, my alarm's gonna go off in half an hour, so I'll, I'll, I'll sort of doze for half an hour and do that. So when I was a kid, it was, it was sort of the other way around, so I would wake up in the freezing cold, my, my room, for some reason my room was like freezing, freezing cold, so I'd get up, put a dressing gown and slippers on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd go into like this, um, soft chair, like near the kitchen. Yeah. While my dad, I don't know, cooked something, like made some porridge or something and passed it around. So I would wake myself up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over the course of about 20 minutes lying there in the kitchen, freezing cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, we would, he would send me off about, you know, quarter, quarter seven or something. Man, that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'd learned Latin, and you know, all of this...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, I mean, I have these sort of cosy, I guess, memories associated with being a kid. And I wonder a little bit what your kids are going to have as their cosy memories associated. But I think that sort of whistling kept that routine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that we're just not very good at dealing with it though. You know, you are very aware, it's like, where you live, if you live somewhere that snows all the time, you are completely adept at dealing with that. That is totally a normal thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it just feels like it's built around that. Certainly when I went to Vancouver, uhm, you know, it felt, it felt like, sometimes it felt like I was at a ski resort in a way, because you'd walk into places and you'd realise, oh okay, this place is built.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've not had a hard time, you know, we've, but also I think some of these memories are good, good in a way, P-Flex, you know, like huddling up around the TV and heading off early when it's dark. I mean, it's exciting for a kid to be able to do that stuff, I think, and fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I wouldn't change it. You know, I think it's, it's, it's formed a part of who I am and the memories are positive in, in general. They're not negative really. It's okay when you're a kid also you sometimes you get used to it as well or anything. You know, people get used to stuff. This is all justifications.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not really talking about that. I'm talking about someone who chooses to live out in the sticks, right? In an old whistling barn house or whatever. And they're not poor, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I dunno, maybe, maybe that's a thing then. Maybe, maybe, I mean, I, I, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would have been nicer to have the school next door and just to, you know, wake up, roll out of bed at, you know, quarter past eight, pull some clothes on and then, you know, in the nice hot weather. Oh, you know, and eat a banana on the way and oh, you know, pick a fresh fucking orange off the bush as you walk in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gross. So what did you do? Just get a plastic bag, kind of cover it up, scoop it up and chuck it in the bin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. That's pretty funny. And then your wife comes in and wakes you up in the morning. Time for school, honey! And so you're like, oh, I don't want to go to school today, mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna, we're gonna just keep, keep looping you up and dealing with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, so honestly, like, man, I think that is something out of a horror film though, a little bit, like, creepy, creepy child kind of doing weird stuff to you, making you a shrine. Did she have like a circle of candles around you or something as well?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These stupid urban myths. It's weird how these things perpetuate themselves as well, right? Like, uh, like the whole Michael Jackson removing his rib thing, uh, to give himself a blowjob. Except for it wasn't him. No, that was Marilyn Monroe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, oh yeaah, the, the currents in the room aren't just, I'm not, you know, the, the, the spirits aren't talking to me or something. Oh, it's absolutely incredible. The way they claim to it is amazing. Yeaah, so that was this million dollar paranormal change. I watched, I mean, he's a really old man now, he's like 88, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he's been around for a long time as a big sort of debunker and I guess he's sort of retired now, but I watched, I do remember watching a documentary with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quite a while ago and yeah, he went, I think he, I think they would, they would do, they went into some, some churches where they were doing this, you know, healing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if it's like actually, you know, taking people's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Money on the belief that they'll get cured. Oh yeah, that's, yeah, that's, that's a bit different. His wife was telling, so he, cause Jay's already managed to tap into the frequency that they were using on their earpieces. So he was able to hear all of the little instructions that she was whispering in his ear. Oh, it was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, you come to like, I think, I think the magicians know this though, and they also build this into their acts. So in a sense, like, you, you come up with a solution, say, oh, he must, he must just be, this must just be a plant, right? Or this, he must just be feeding, giving this person the specific card he wants to give them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy we were watching, you know, he picked these random people out of the audience and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, after the show, you sort of, we were all walking out and you know, I watched these people quite closely. I was like, uh, cause I had an idea that there was this like old, this old couple and I thought they must be plants, right? So I was, I was like following them around a little bit afterwards, just like watching where they went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she wasn't expecting people to just, you know, catch her. Yeah, I mean you gotta kind of expect that somebody might catch a glimpse. I don't think she realised that it was like the area that, I don't think she realised that you could see what she was watching from where she was sat though, cause she was up against the wall I think, but there was like a glass


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's unbelievable. He is a real, he gets off on doing it in public as well, you know. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeez, I don't know. Everyone's got their own, their own little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I, I, sometimes people do just volunteer this information to you. Like I was talking to this guy and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, my girlfriend, she fucking loves eye contact, like permanent eye contact, like never, eye contact throughout, like all the time. Right. And I know this diss person as well, and I'm like, I'm like, it's changed the way I look at her now a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, let's just suppose I am. And it's an evening and I'm like, Oh, I've just, just got out of the bath. I like my, you know, show a bit of skin. I think it's very easy, right? To do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you have a lot of trust in people, especially romantically, you know, you think you're in love with someone, especially when you're young and you're like, well, you know, I'm going to trust this person implicitly. He's never going to leak. She's never going to show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I, I, I did speak to a woman, uh, who was very, very close to consider, very close to actually have, have being in porn. Like almost, almost went down that path. Like she knew people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who had done it before, she knew, she had like a friend who was like, oh you should get on this, you know, you just have to do this and this, you know, they'll take you to this place, this is how it works, you know, here's like someone who's, you know, here's one of the videos of someone who's done it before, you know, it's like one day,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a couple of thousand pounds, you know, and you know, she was like at that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, you know, didn't have a job. I didn't have any money. I was, I, you know, but I eventually ended up not doing it because I felt like, you know, it wouldn't, it wasn't right for me at the time or whatever. And, you know, I was like, how, you know, that will like follow you around your whole life. How would you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was like, well, when I was, you know, when I was young, like when I was 18, I, it was, it was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that it is very tempting in many ways, either as a thrill or as a kind of, uh, just a quick source of cash or you know, or a thing that your friends are doing it and they have told you that it's safe and stuff and so it's easy to end up just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You two were like, oh yeaah, like really enjoyed this. Oh my god. Well no, it's weird, it's weird. I guess like, uhm, I don't, I don't, uh, when it comes to porn, I haven't watched porn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I haven't. And I feel good about that. It's been a good thing. You feel wholesome? No, I don't know. I think, I think porn, I read a thing about how porn is very bad for your brain. It's like, it's basically very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't believe in stuff just willy-nilly. I didn't, there wasn't a spiritual advisor who came to me and said, oh, Louis, if you continue


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. I'll stop quanking it now. I didn't, I didn't actually, you know, I've been thinking about you naked every day, Mystic Meg, but now you've told me I've had a revelation. No, it's not like that. I did, it was an actual thing that was, was convincing. And so, you know, I've, and I've felt better for it. I haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I, I, God, I spent a good 15 years of my life, you know, watching every possible content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if you're going to try and do that right, you have to try, you have to pick kind of a quiet kind of, um, you're trying to, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I added some new emotes to my channel recently because people are complaining, you know, you have to, I've subscribed to BTTV, um, which is better Twitch TV for anyone that doesn't know. And it's like a website that adds a load of extra stuff into your Twitch channel. So you can subscribe to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I think it's interesting that the acronyms or the names of those emotes have now become things that people just say. Like, we were talking the other day about something and someone said...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I thought, can we not just say I was really nervous? Like, people have languages being compressed into, what single word or even syllable can I use that expresses an entire emotion?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did we manage on the phone then? Phones have been around for a hundred something years. You can hear the tone of voice and stuff, it's different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that this is a man who spent too much time in Twitch chat. Roffle, he'll say, and I'm like, was it funny? Cause you're not laughing, you're saying Roffle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, the other day, my six year old, uh, was actually ruffling. Like it was, like, adults don't do that. But if kids find something so funny, they'll fall on the floor. She was rolling on the floor and laughing. And I thought this is the actual ruffle. This is where it came from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People type Roffle far too casually, because I saw it in real life, and let me tell you something, most times when people type Roffle, I don't actually believe that there anything like as close to that kind of hysterical laughter that she was, uh, she was in. Well, and I'm gonna have to do that one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. If you call someone a pussy. I mean, if you ever, like, old people tend to refer to, like, do you remember Mrs. What? Mrs. Slocum, whatever her name was. Mrs. Slocum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the vaginas, right, the vajayjay. The vajazzle. There are very few that are sexy. Like pussy is probably the closest we've got, and I know some women that hate that word, but you're not gonna se- I mean if you said- I mean it depends on the kind of sex you want to have. If you said to me I want you to destroy my cunt right now, right? If that was the- Holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need to engage in some sexual activity with my penis. We need a good, a good phrase that you could say, like, uh, I just said do you wanna have sex? Like that works for me. Yeah, that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause let's say you're a bar with a girl and you wanna say, I mean, you could just say, hey, would you like to come back to my place and have sex? You could say that. And I guess if she wanted to, as long as you didn't say something too stupid, like, I wanna get all torn up that ass, you know, something like that. And she'd be like, that doesn't really seem appropriate coming from you and in this setting since we're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but that's the thing, sometimes those red flags don't come up until really late. Like sometimes you'll know someone really well, you'll know them for years and suddenly they have an opinion that you think, holy shit, I didn't know this person at all. Like I really thought I knew this person and now it turns out that I don't because of one thing they've said. Like if I'd had a friend for years and they suddenly say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there are, I mean imagine if someone just suddenly said they're a flat earther and they always have been. You'd be like, what? I didn't, what are you talking about? And they'd be like, no, no, it's a conspiracy dude, the Jews run everything. You'd be like, oh my god, like this never came up. And now it turns out that this person's crazy. The Jews run everything? Holy shit. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is just a laugh, we're just having a conversation. You don't need to fill reddit up with some comments and some fucking bullshit. So just shut up and listen, alright? So, and you might love something, you youngers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Generally speaking, when I'm walking around, I'm looking at other dudes, you know, and I see them and I'm like, most of them are not in great shape. You know, they're like me, they're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't have a stick up their arse. In London, and a few other places, if you even talk to a woman, she's like, get the fuck out of my face. If you go, I mean, we went out to Manchester, right, a whole bunch of us, and the girls, they just started chatting to us at the bar. They were like, oh hey, where are you guys from? You're up from Bournemouth, blah blah blah, they were chatting. And there was no assumption that we were hitting on them, we were just having a chat with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She'll assume you're hittin' on her, or she won't want to talk to you. My mates, my single mates have found it much, much harder to get girlfriends in London than in other parts of the country. Like, easier parts of the country. I didn't want to put it that way. Looser parts of the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the boundaries of their life are defined by that relationship. And especially when you're in a marriage or a long term relationship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you tend to structure certain tasks and certain responsibilities between you. Just, you know, in some ways, especially traditionally, the woman would do all the housework and stuff like that. That's not the case anymore. It's still, it's still not, not even in general. Even when both people work, women still do more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Housework every week, that's like statistically, but in terms of like responsibilities, there are certain things around the house that I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are certain things around the house that Mrs. F does, and it's rare that she would do one of those and I would do the other, right? So if you suddenly, and also she knows certain things about, you know, when birthdays are, is a prime example, right? If we ever split up, no fuckers getting a birthday card ever again. I have no fucking idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, because at this point, because we're so codependent, what difference does it make if it's in my name or her name or she's responsible or I'm responsible? It doesn't matter. Because we're one. We are joined as one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think it's, I think it's the opposite. I think marriages is the best thing that society has ever come up with. And I think the lack of it is actually a big concern. I'm not saying that I'm not a religious person. So no, but marriages, it makes a huge difference to the quality of life that you're gonna have and your children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you know, the funny thing is seeing your parents argue, not like screaming and throwing plates, but arguing and discussing something and having differences, I think is a really useful thing for kids as well, because they understand how to argue. And they understand that people can have arguments and still be friends. Of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was a single parent and I've seen exactly how hard it is. I know exactly how hard it is. So I don't think that promoting single parenthood is a good thing at all. I think it's really bad. And if you want to look at the poverty rates and crime rates and drug use rates and alcoholism and everything is worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are YouTube compilations you can watch of kids giving adoption certificates to their sort of step parents. So, you know, their father has left their mother or vice versa and they're being raised essentially by someone else's like their surrogate dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, especially kids, really, really, really need parents around. Especially both parents, I think, is so important for the reasons we've mentioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, people are taking more time, I think, to have careers, especially women are having more time. So the average age is now 32. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I quit, I mean, my job finished very quickly after the baby was born, like I was like, I worked for a few more months and then I was done. And just looked after the kids ever since. I don't know, not just, you know, I do the fucking Triforce podcast and, uh. Well, yeah, I mean, that's a- that's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean this weekend she was away, so the weekend just gone. She took the kids down to Bournemouth for the weekend to see her parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went to the shop on Friday, and I bought a load of supplies, and I bought meals and stuff, and they were all, you know, not, not, I didn't just buy sloppy stuff, bought a hell of a lot of booze, so, you know, that counteracted all the good stuff. And then you played six games of Dota. And then I literally just sat and played Dota for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though, my eldest daughter, my eldest daughter is just as bad as me when it comes to games in terms of just wanting to play them all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she, her mentality is exactly the same as mine, is that she'll play a multiplayer game, doesn't really mind if she wins or loses, she tries to win, but it's not like this devastating, crushing, oh my god I'm so frustrated, like my mate used to bite his Xbox controller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or at university or whatever, but there always seem to be these strange people that are around at 10am on a weekday morning or 9am on a Monday. They'll be like, I can easily get four guys that just want to play Dera. So, but some of them are like, so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he was, he was really trying and he's actually improved. Like you can see him getting better while he's playing. And he only plays Witch Doctor. It's the only hero I've ever seen him play. He's called Yee Man. He just plays this hero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it makes the games a lot easier by having him. You know what I mean? Like he, he puts you in a lower skill bracket game. And it says at the beginning, a little disclaimer pops up that says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please remember to be patient and understanding with newer players. That's what Dota 2 says to you now when yee-man and guys like that are in the game. Which I think is fantastic. Uhm, so I don't mind playing with bad players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he walks into just blind, uphill, there's a hero there that kills him, he's like, oh, fuck me! Like, he can't, oh, this game is so bullshit! Oh, he can just kill me! Because Dota is not a fair game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes your hero will just die to this hero. That's it. This hero kills your hero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's nothing you can do about it other than not be in that place. Or, you know, you have to be already winning the game and be more farm than them. And I think most games try to keep it even. If you look at Counter-Strike, if I have a pistol, I can kill a guy with an AWP, right? It's just that's the way the game goes. You can just out-place someone. Dota is not like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dota is very different. Your hero sometimes just kills the other guy and there's nothing, you've just got him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think for a lot of people, and I think for you Sips especially, that's very frustrating. Yeah, for sure. Because you play a lot of games that are a lot fairer, and you play a lot of single player games, it's not the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, a patch will come- I mean there's a patch tonight, right? There'll be a patch tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That changes the game again. And even the guys who sped, the pro players, the very top pro players have an understanding of the game that varies between team and person. So Captain A, Captain B, Captain C will all have a different appreciation of what they think works and what doesn't. And how, and they'll, like, you'll hear them talk. There'll be a team that's doing great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If this was a game where you could have perfect understanding, there would be a mathematical


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck off, or this guy's such a tool, and I'll be like banning that person and then realizing my mistake and unbanning that person, but I hardly ever try to look to Twitch chat for advice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the worst thing for me is that now that I've played with a lot of the guys in my chat that like talk a lot, I've played with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know they're terrible. And they're lolling and saying, oh, you should do this, you should do that. And I'm like, how fucking dare you, dude? You suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like I was playing the other day, I was playing Counter-Strike, yea seriously, I was playing Counter-Strike last night, and this guy's in chat telling me all this stuff I should be doing, you're wasting too many nades, you're doing this, you're doing that. I was like, can you shut the fuck up, I'm just playing CSGO with my mates. And he was like, well what's wrong with some advice? I said alright, imagine this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I like? I like playing games with Tom, because he's a very funny guy, but he does also understand games, like he's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not like some mega tryhard, but he definitely knows how to play. You know what I mean? Like when you play games with Tom, Ben is the same. And they're both very understanding with people who are shit at games. I'm shit at games. So like when I come up there and we play a board game or something like that and Ben or Tom is in charge of it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, it's almost like trying to get the game to tell a story. Yeaah. It's like, let's see what story we can get from this game, because that is more interesting and funnier, definitely, and more memorable. If you have a really weird game, like if you, if we played SIV and all kinds of weird stuff happened, we'd remember that much more than just a straightforward everybody playing to win. Like, every month of our game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The act of, the closer you get to the water, the worse the restaurants get, but if you, there's a little, there's one place, I can't remember what it's called, I can find the name out of it for you, that does bread bowl soups. It's just like a bowl made out of bread. It's like the, the, the, the classic, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the best. The best chowder I've ever had. And I say that as apologies to New Englanders everywhere, but that is the best chowder. The chowder! Chowder! Chowder! Well there you go. Chowder!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for the sake of like three or four, three, basically I think it was four days, like two nights in it or something like that in Cornwall, I had to drive for ten hours. So basically a full working day behind the wheel of a large automobile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's okay. But I mean for an adult there, I mean some of the rides you have to queue for ages and it was like, this is garbage. There's no thrill here. It's just a very slow moving platform and the kids are like, even they are like, huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sips is the king, obviously, so they're there to see the prince.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, went to the Eden Project. Oh, nice. It was alright. Yeah. I mean, I live quite near Kew Gardens, so we're kind of spoiled for fancy garden centers, honestly. And, uh, Kew Gardens is magic. And I think that Eden Project is like Kew Gardens for people that haven't been to Kew Gardens. So you go into these big domes, which are very fancy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but the, the jungle thing is just kind of a lot of paving, you walk around, there's some plants, but none of them are particularly interesting to look at, it's quite hot in there, and this, it's semi, it's meant to be kind of educational, right? So it lays it on real thick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The educational stuff, like it's telling you about the farmers and their lives and the crops that they grow and stuff, whereas Q is just like, look at this amazing fucking bed of flowers. You're like, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So I felt that was better. And there's a thing at The Cube, at Eden Project called The Core, which is like, it sounds like the final level of some kind of shooter, but it's not. It's some educational center. And they had it closed because they were renovating it for the summer, because obviously Easter is, you know, it's busy, but it's not like they're big season, a big season is summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they did it right in the middle of, yeah, exactly, Easter halftime. They were like, yep, the run thing you all really wanted to come here and do is closed. I was like, oh great. So it was okay. It was alright. I didn't really see it, uh, at his best, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So one of the domes, one of the domes is like a jungle, it's different biomes, right? So one, one, one is like the jungle zone. It's a bit like, it's a bit like a garden center. The crystal maze. Merged with the crystal maze, exactly. Right. So one of them is like the jungle biome, one of them is like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weird thing is, do you know what, it brings me to another thing I want to talk about, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were, there were people that had obviously come to eat at that restaurant and some of the people that we had lunch with have lunch at that restaurant often, like they'll drive to go to that restaurant as if it's like really good. So I was expecting it to be really good. It was not really good. It was like super


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no. So I think some of the stuff they had apparently comes from something, but who the fuck knows. They don't go around cutting down plants and serving them to the diners. Was there an Arctic biome?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, see, there's, there was like, as far as I could tell, there was just two. That sucks. There's the Mediterranean one, and there's the jungle one. So, that's it. That sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, no ice biome, no lava biome, and also like the stuff outdoors, the gardens and things, it's all just plants that you can grow real easy in the UK because they have to grow them in the fucking UK, so it's like the same shit you see everywhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just happens to be quite a few of them. But also because it was only April, nothing had started growing yet. So like I said, I didn't think I saw it at its best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because a lot of stuff was just like, yeah, this will be ready in three months. And I was like, oh, yeah, of course. We did kind of come in April. The kids enjoyed it though. So, that's all that matters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna see the Great British tea off, and people just have to make a cup of tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not something we went for. We were in more fishing towns. Right. So, Mrs. F just, she loves a fucking holiday, that woman, right? She loves it. And she'll take as many holidays as she can. We've already got two more holidays planned this year already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool. So we're going away in May to somewhere in Essex that she's found, which looks nice. I've never been to Essex really, I don't think. I've maybe driven through it or been there. Whereabouts in Essex? I can't remember the name of the place, but it's nice. Some coastal town, I don't know. Clacton? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, not Southend either. I've been to Southend to watch some football. Bournemouth played Southend in the FA Cup a few years ago. Uh, we lost. But anyway, uhm, the other thing I'm doing is, my dad and his wife go on cruises a lot, right? Not my cup of tea at all. Never been on a cruise in my life. Uh, never looked at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's paying for my whole family to go on a cruise with him, with him and his wife. That's a lot of yeaah, right? That's a lot of cheddar right there. I don't know. Well, I would look into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one's not. This is the oasis of the seas. When it was built, it was the biggest cruise liner in the world. It's 6,000 people that it can hold. It's like 17 stories high. It's a town on the sea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mrs. F would still like to book another holiday between those other two- Well yeah, well you got a free one, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Consists of, like, my mornings when, like, recording stuff with you guys, no one else in the house, that's a holiday for me. Genuinely. Like if, if Mrs. F said I'm taking the kids away for a month, I'd be like, that is the greatest vacation of all time. I'm just gonna get up whenever I want, play fucking video games all day, sit around in my pants,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drink a shitload of cider, watch whatever I want on TV, make a big old noise, mmm, vacation time. I wouldn't even need to leave the building for a year. If someone said to me you're gonna be in solitary confinement, in this office, the office I'm in, they'll give you all the food and everything else that you need, but you cannot leave, I'd be like BINGO.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect. I'd miss my kids and my wife, obviously, but it would be worth it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so go to Colchester, and scroll down a bit, and there's Mersey Island. Okay. And it's, it's there. There's like a natural, of nature reserve, there's all kinds of, it's nice, it's meant to be really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, of course. I mean, when you say that, you know, you don't have responsibilities the way me and Sips do, I mean, I look after my kids, I make sure Mrs. F is happy, but I don't have people relying on me to keep a business going so that they don't lose their house or their flat or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really, but it gives you a really bad like headache as well after too long on the, on the trampoline. There's a place near here, it's near Heathrow Airport that's called something like Bounce or something, you know, clever like that. It's like a big...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a whole fucking warehouse full of trampolines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids had fun, you know, they're all sweaty and jumping around and everything so they're having fun. But there's a lot of fucking grown-ups there. An awful lot. It's like mid-week, it's like, it was like a Friday or something, and there's all these fucking grown-ups trampolining. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing with your life? Really? Some parents are really like that though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you feel like, like any of those things? I feel like you'd get in it and they'd be like, right, five minutes and then it's the ride is over. You'd be like, okay, 30 seconds in. You'd be like, this is all it's going to be for five minutes. Stuff like that always reminds me of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not biased. That's not biased. There's a difference between biased, which is where you buy the Times or the Guardian or the Telegraph or the Mail based on your political slant. I understand bias.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody that buys a paper understands that they're buying one that generally agrees with their point of view and the commentator is the editorial of the paper. Not the reporting, the reporting should be fact based, but the editorial element of the paper where someone has an article like you get some fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A loss of expertise. But the difference is if you have a committee of people sitting around going, we've got to come up with something, they're like, well Jesus, we can't hand that up to head office. Or can we? No, we can't. Let's, let's not, let's not take a chance that somebody won't like this and blah blah, won't like that. So they play it ultra fucking safe. That's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the big thing for me. If it's something I like, I'm happy to do it. But if it's not, I'm not gonna do it just to do it. Yeah. Anyway, like this podcast, I don't really like doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Covered in wet babes. Babes. Do you know how many, how many, uh... Favorite kind of babes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it say? Uh, it says, oh shit, what's that thing you made me put in it last week? I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure that's what was in my Tinder profile, but sure. No, we're going to go with that. Uh, so, so welcome back everybody. So this morning I went to the, the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, listen, it's Hannah and Shin and a bunch of people in the office go to the gym and Trott and Katie and everyone's going to the gym all the time and Humes has been doing it as well. He's had like, he's been doing it for a couple of months and it's looking, it's looking better. So everyone who's done it does look better. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought being 33 years old, it was about time for me to, to go to a gym and see if I can get into some form of shape. So I'm not such a weedly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The classic, the first thing, you know, he, he was, so we were like chatting away, blah, blah, blah. Like just trying to, trying to like feed each other out, like, you know, how much exercise do you do and asking me all these questions. And I was like, well, not very much. I walk into the office, you know, the back and I eat fairly healthily and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I practice like a bit of yoga sometimes and he's like, okay, good, good, good. And so then he says like, so what are you trying to achieve? I wanna lift the moon!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, well, I've got this big new girl, big fat new girlfriend and I want to be able to lift her up and throw her around. Right. And he just looked at me deadly seriously like, like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, determined to make him crack a smile or something, but he didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so today, right, today, uhm, he made me go on this cycle machine, which was like, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like really, really tough, like interval training, like I only did it for like three minutes. Cause basically like the only, the only session I've done is the first one, um, which was today. And it was basically just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, are you, are you a noodle arm? Yes. Okay. You can't like lift this. You can't do this. Like, like we're going to have to work on this, this, this, blah, blah, blah. Um, so I'm like, okay, okay. And so he puts me on this like bike and I did some training and I was like, I was actually, I was absolutely dead. Okay. I walked in today, like a baby deer, just like staggered into the office, like feeling like, Oh my God, I'm dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to like lie down. That's why I'm late to the recording. So I just had to, I got home, I was like, oh my God, I'm just, I'm dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he, at the end of the practice he said to me like, you know, when was the last time you got a workout like that? And I was like, when I banged your mum last night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I give no- I don't give a fuck. I don't care. I am gonna not change. I am gonna carry on trolling the fuck out of this guy until he snaps. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's in control in this situation. He's like rugby, rugby boy, he's got like tattoos. Are you jealous? Are you actually jealous of him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. Well, no, look, he's a very nice gentleman, okay, but maybe I do feel a bit threatened. Maybe, maybe, you know, I'm feeling a bit old, a bit like, maybe he's got this little kind of eye on me that I'm not gonna be able to like, you know, handle it because I'm like an old man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I meet people, okay, I don't know if you ever do this and you can kind of quickly tell that they're a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of what? Of, of, of me, of, of the octopus, of, of, of, like sometimes, it's mostly at somewhere like Insomnia, okay, like somewhere, an event where people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, maybe not in so many, maybe like a gaming event, maybe like a new game coming out or something like that, where I'm not necessarily like a big deal, but, but you know, I talked to someone and you can just see it in their eyes. They like, they know the way they look at you. They're like, oh, this guy, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the thing about Tinder, right? I feel like some of the people that I've chatted to on Tinder might actually know who I am. Not many, but some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the thing is we did a poll lately that actually shows that our audience is a lot older than you might think. Like, cause someone, someone posted on subreddit, didn't they? Like, I'm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm 24 and I'm like too old for the yoga class or whatever. And it was a massive threat because it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm a, you know, I'm a 45 year old mom and I listened to it with, you know, and I'm in like a six year old managing director. I listened to it, but it was like much more mature folks like than we realize, especially this podcast. I think this podcast has a much higher age audience than you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we were actually getting a kick out of that Minecraft. Me and Shein have played a bit of, uhm, a Minecraft more pack as well lately. Like, we don't choose to play it because it's popular, or it's because it's not actually Minecraft. We choose to play it because it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's actually like, the mod packs and stuff are actually a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was Duncan's birthday yesterday. Ah, happy birthday Duncan. How old was he? He was 30. He sort of kept it quite quiet. And the way I found out was on Reddit. Someone posted happy birthday. And I was like, oh shit, is it actually his birthday? So I texted him. I was like, is it actually your birthday? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll get you, I'll get you something. So I got him like a little present and I got him a card. Nice. You should have gotten him a gym membership.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I bought him a nice card, I spent like, spent a bit of time writing a nice message.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not gay at the end to make sure that there was no confusion over the issue. Cause otherwise, you know, I'm such an attractive, virile, 33 year old. Gym goer. Yeah. Getting into shape. He's getting- Gym going now. I can add that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, can we do some upper body stuff? And he was like, no, we're just going to do squats. I was like, oh, okay. So we did a lot of squats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so maybe that is it. So what you guys been up to this week? Anything happenin', happenin' with the, with boring dad life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He gets very sweaty. He gets very sweaty very quickly. So it's just cheaper, I guess. Yeah, I think he's a really sweaty guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, everyone seems to really like the one slice of bread bit of mayo smell of bacon so much that, you know what, we don't want to fuck it up. We don't want to add the other bread slice and bacon and the lettuce and tomato. You know what, we'll just leave it as it is. It's made enough money, fuck it. That's, that's early access in a nutshell. You never get the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree, like, I agree what you're saying about novel, novel things, but it's like a taster. It feels like you're going to a tasting thing and you like, you get, you get a little, a little taste of what, what's, what, and it's nice. Don't get me wrong. It's like novel and it's okay. And maybe that's what we need from games now, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you drive me around and it's just, y'know, had like two babies worth of puke like splashed around it for years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bear in mind you're in Jersey, so the fact is you're never going to be driving to Scotland, are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it was, it used to be a lot cheaper, and so when they made some diesel cars, they made them a lot more efficient, and so they were, it was, it was a thing for a few years, wasn't it, that diesel was the way, but now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how you basically equate electric edges with the future. You basically think it's gonna have a testicle on top of it and it'll make your hair go up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the thing about Jersey that I like is that because it's so close to France, it feels like sometimes the people, like whoever's in charge, the council of elders of Jersey have got together and be like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, well, does England want to sell us out their cars or does France? And then like France come over and like, hey, hello, we got some reno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've noticed like, as we've looked around, we were looking at buildings and a lot of the builds, not a lot, but quite a few of the buildings we looked at, I noticed had like a couple of hybrid or charge points like outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, obviously people used electric cars to drive in, drive into work or whatever. At some point. Had their, a point or two, you know, there was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now we know what Sips' dream car is, right? That's your dream car. What's your dream car, P-Flex? Is it like a lovely new Mercedes-Benz or like maybe a big Lexus or maybe like a Rolls or Bentley?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's controlled by the South Park dildo up the ass thing. I haven't seen that episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's controlled by that. So uhm, so what was your car history then, P-Flex? What did you start with? My first car. What did you learn in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry about this. It's the only way I could do the wiring though. You know, I have to either hear the, uh, sultry voice of a radio drama.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was, was, was, just to pause you for a moment, was that the day, this day sounds very stressful, was this the day that when you got home and had a shower you noticed hair coming out, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they had something like soul, soul beats or something that was like the one sort of tape we had in the car and it was like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking, cause I crashed into someone in the back and got stuck on a roundabout. I just drove into, this guy ahead of me just like, you know, it was clear. So I went and he didn't go. Totally fucked up his car. But I was, I was in my, my first car, which was the Ford Galaxy, which is a big mini van. So my, I just had no damage whatsoever. Sweet. But it turned out it was my old scout leader. I've told you that, haven't I? Weirdly. It was my old scout leader. Did they name your scout leader?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, they had to, yeaah, yeaah. Arkayla was the leader. Yeaah, yeaah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I've crashed into a lot of stationary things. I've crashed into walls and bins and fences and fucking you name it. We were moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, these are just, these are shit that happens, like pretty routine stuff. Well that was, that was a really good podcast, I really really enjoyed that. Have you got a bodega? I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, PFATS, I really like that actually. I like the way you did it. It's, it's, it's a tricky art, okay, to tell a, get, get, get exposition, get this sort of story out there in a way that is not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like just two people talking, right? The whole, the whole having floops angle and stuff really made it just a lot, brought it out, made a lot more interesting. Added like a little bit more depth. Thank you. I like it. I like it a lot too. You're doing, you're doing fucking great. I'm proud of you, man. Oh, you guys are the very much enjoying these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, well, howdy crap, that's all we've got time for this week on Triforce. Thank you for listening everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi everybody, ignore that intro. This is a better intro. Hi. What's up? My name is Sips. I got a wife and a dog and a family. One day my boss said, hey Sips, are you busy? I said no. Then put your hand on the left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing, I can't remember the lyrics to that song at all. It's a, it's an old Boy Scout song. It's a catchy one. Boy Cubs. You really owned it though. I was in Boy Cubs, uh, guys. I was in Cubs. Cub Scouts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I wasn't, I didn't have him in mind when I was saying that. Actually, I was thinking of Kevin Spacey. I was thinking about Kevin Spacey the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I don't even know if it's about self-control, honestly. For me, I'm just petrified of my wife, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I was, I was, I was, I was more sort of, uhm, I was, I was poking at the, uh, the whole Hollywood, uhm, thing. And, you know, how everybody- Who have you, who have you been messing with? I haven't been messing with anyone. This happened when I was, uh, a child and it comes back to Cub Scouts as well, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I'm in Cub Scouts, the Cubs, and uh, we go on a uhm, we used to do these things like, every year there was like a winter, almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like a winter retreat that you went on, so you went, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm, I'm eight, nine years old maybe, and uhm, we're uhm, we're playing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flashlight tag at night, okay. This is another thing that we did in the woods. So it's dark as hell. You know, everybody's got flashlight and you run around in the woods and shoot each other with flashlights and it was really fun. It was really exciting times. Everybody was having a good time and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like running to get to like back to the base or whatever, running really fast, you know, maybe horsing around a little bit, getting a bit too carried away or whatever and he tripped and he fell down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, and he was like crying and stuff and everybody was like really worried about him and stuff and I don't know what it was, like I was like a pretty, like a fairly tough kid, you know, I wasn't like overly sensitive or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just felt really bad for him, and I started crying too. I was like eight, right? So like, it was a little bit embarrassing, so I was like sort of like off in the woods in the dark crying because I felt sorry for this guy. And then uhm, I think it was Baloo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we'll take you back or whatever and that- I-I-I've never told anybody that story because I was a little bit embarrassed. I didn't want to admit that I felt sorry for somebody and started to cry, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I was like overwhelmed by the situation or something, so I just made up a story about falling down. It's like, oh, you don't seem to have any scratches or anything. I was like, oh yeah, I, you know, it was just a light fall I guess. I don't know what's going on.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I don't think I'm that rigid, but like, you know, you know, like when you're young and you don't really know what the fuck is going on, like most of the time, like I'm old and I still don't know what the fuck is going on most of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, uh, geek chic now, right? It's, it's, it's, it's cool to be a nerd now somehow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like a game like Subnautica, but you're on the moon and you have to build a base and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was definitely an experience. Maybe not one that I'd ever want to repeat again but it was, it was nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait, wait, before you move on, uh, without spoilery, without spoilering, uh, Star Wars. I felt like I should move on to avoid chatting about it. Well no, don't spoil it, but what'd you think? Good? Bad?


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[Assistant] You hate- you hate when somebody has an opinion that clashes with yours, right? Like-


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[Assistant] I'm gonna take movies for what they are though, like I'm at the point in my life now where going to see a movie, I'll go see something if I like the look of it, and it's more of an outing, like I don't, I don't hinge like an awful lot on whether the movie's gonna be good or not, like I don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the lowest is helping to build up or whatever, like, I don't, it doesn't bug me that much at all, actually. Like, uhm, you know, sometimes, sometimes it's nice to just have like a bit of a break from like non-stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it is, it is, it does get pretty messy. It's crazy, yeah. Fuck off. Fuck, I can't wait for the new book to come out in January. Jesus Christ. That's like next fucking month. Holy crap. I'm gonna clear my whole calendar, I'm gonna put some silky pajamas on, get some chicken noodle soup ready, and then fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I got some man flu guys. I must have picked it up like for my kids. My son's gonna be, it's his last day of school today for Christmas holidays. He's gonna be on vacation for like two weeks. So hopefully that'll be a bit of a germ holiday for us as well. It won't get like too sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be one of those bullshit, like, uhm, you know, RNG disasters where like, it's immune to like, penicillin and something else. Fire. And fire. And it thrives, it thrives in like, you know, mild temperatures and, you know, the ideal host is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had one about like, I think, I think he grew up like on a farm or whatever, so he's had a whole bunch of books about like, you know, discovering yourself, like living on a farm and stuff, and they're all like pretty, he's a good writer to be fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. Just a tiny dude. Alien spunk. E.T. Fuck me, E.T. is one of those movies, I don't know about you guys, do you guys have a movie like that where it just makes you, it reminds you of being sick and it makes you feel a bit sick? Do you have any movies like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what it is about that movie, I just, it, it just makes me feel so sick, like I can't, can't watch it without feeling like just terrible, like it just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still do, I get motion sick pretty bad. Like if I'm not driving a car, I get pretty motion sick and then I can't go on big roller coasters or anything like that either. They absolutely wreck me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went on the Pinball Wizard one time, I went on the Pinball Wizard at Alton Towers, and as soon as I got off, I barfed into a garbage can. It was terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You try your best, right, you close your eyes, you try to hold it in and stuff, and then you just get to that point where your body's just like, nope, it's coming out, like it's got to, and then bleh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause all it takes is to get sick like once, motion sick once in a day and then everything you do that day like that involves any sort of movement or moving you around just makes you feel even more sick. It's the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know about those drugs, like, I saw, like I said, this documentary, and they were talking to this guy, he was, he like, nicknamed himself the wizard or something, and he was like, making all these synthetic drugs, like in Holland, I think it was, he had a lab and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, he created a lot of these like early, uh, legal highs and stuff, you know? And like, and he would just like cook up these concoctions and put like, just like hints of like hallucinogenics or something in it, like, not, not so that you would get like completely off your tits fucked up, but like a little bit fucked up sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like, uh, I think the oldest person, uhm, alive is like 125 years old or something. Yeah, it's insane. It's like French, possibly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm wrong, she's not alive anymore, but she died. So okay, the oldest verified person on record is French woman, Jeanne Calment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a Japanese woman who lived for 117 years. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's me, alright. You know, that's the proof. The Japanese woman is called Nabi Tajima. She was born on the 4th of August, 1900, 117 years ago, and she's still alive. Damn. That's nuts, eh? And there's also another one. What's it? Well, okay, there's two Japanese people. There's also Chiyo


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems to be, there's three, three Japanese, four Japanese people still alive who are over 110 years old, uh, and two Italians, uh, and there's one American, there's one American here, Delphine Gibson. She was born in 1903, she's still alive, 114 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, she was born on the 17th of August 1903. So imagine sitting down and having a powwow with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do, yeaah. I just imagine that old Debbie from the 1900s all the way up to like, uh, you know, like born in 1901 and then living through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything that led up to like 2017. I mean that's fucking crazy. She lived through two...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] World wars, like, countless fucking conflicts, like, that America got involved in as, you know, she being American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird though, cause the world is like, we've talked about this before, I'm sure, the world's changed a lot since like the 60s and the 70s. I think like, uhm, in the 60s and the 70s, there was a sort of spirit of like, uh, progressiveness and, you know, like curing things and solving problems and doing stuff because it was like, really awesome and stuff and now,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's a, it's a lot more sort of focused on how much money you can make off these things and it, and it hamstrings the whole thing, right? So like, instead of curing diseases now we manage them and we, we charge people for the management of those diseases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, autism is like one of those ones a bit like OCD we talked about a couple of episodes ago where, you know, people claim to have OCD when they don't have it. And it's the same with autism. People accuse other people of having autism and they clearly don't have it because they display like one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Behaviour of like, an autistic person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ability to like, uh, reflect upon yourself sort of thing and you're probably sort of okay. Yeah. But like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About our competition, we need to rise above it. You know, maybe this time next year we're gonna be the top one downloaded comedy podcast and then Russell Brando is gonna turn around and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry about that guys, I know a lot of you were looking forward to it, but Flax cucked us, so we're fucked now, we can't do it, so anyway. Merry Christmas and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages, bring out your dogs and your cats and your other pets and your grandma and your aunt and your mailman and the milkman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understood it when I was like 10 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt the same way. Wrestling for me is a lot like seeing weird Al Yankovic play live at Blizzcon. I lasted about 10 minutes until I thought to myself, I'm either gonna kill myself or I have to leave this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you, you killed yourself, I think, actually. I killed myself, yeaah, I'm dead now. Yeaah. I'm a ghost. Yeaah. And I've come back to warn everybody not to go see, don't let nostalgia get the best of you. That's, that is the perfect case and point where nostalgia got the best of me. I thought, fuck man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just pretty cringy actually. I was, you know, when people watch you stream and they think that because they played, you know, 12,000 hours of a video game that you're retarded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you've only played like 20 hours of it, and the whole time they're watching you they're saying like, Oh my god, this is, this is hard to watch, this is painful. Oh dude, that's my life. I'm facepalming all the time. I can't stop facepalming, in fact my face has not left my palm this entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's 10 minutes of Weird Al Yankovic live for me. That's how it felt. So it was pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you were sitting next to Trump, remember? Not Donald Trump, Hearthstone Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the thing with fireworks displays is that they only last for about five minutes, realistically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's only a couple of things in this life that are 100% guaranteed, and one of those things is that a homebrew fireworks display is gonna be shit. Like, there's no two ways about it. Every time, without fail, it'll be bad. Guaranteed. Nobody's ever done a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, out of their mouths, or like, you know. There's a, I saw a GIF, I think, the other day of a dude who had like a Roman candle. A GIF. Like, and he was holding the stick in his teeth. This is after like a lot of drinking. Yeah. And it went off, and it just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine it just gave him like thousands and thousands of little tiny cuts all over his face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know where the fuck we got onto this from. It brings up this interesting point. Would you rather have 10,000 really tiny cuts on your face or just one gigantic gash on your face?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like little tiny paper cuts, but like thousands of them. Every square inch of your face is covered in these little cuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably. They'll leave like little tiny scars, like acne scars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the sex appeal afterwards, instead of, you'd look like Scarface instead of Craterface, which is obviously...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Scarface is a lot more sex appeal than Craterface. Yeah, Craterface, I mean, you're not, you're not, you're probably not going to bed any ladies with that. Well, you might, you know, like you might laugh them into bed or whatever, but like Scarface is definitely going to be like, oh man, you know, I'm in the mood for a bad boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's for damn sure. Like, first of all, his fashion sense is a train wreck. And second of all, he just looks like a bit of a fucking nerd, doesn't he? He's got like glasses and stuff and wears like a fucking cardigan, sweaters and shit. He's like a poindexter. He's like an adult version of Mr. Rogers kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really messed up. I think the whole adoption thing, I think when you're a female celebrity and you have a career in acting and looking good or modeling or whatever, I guess some women


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't want to have babies because it changes their body a lot. So like, at like the after math of having a baby is that you might be like a bit fat or whatever and it takes longer to get back to work and stuff so maybe that's why they adopt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a lot of kids. I mean two, two is a lot of kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess like anything goes nowadays, 2017, like, look, Woody Allen married his teenage adopted daughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there has like 14 kids, you know, John Travolta looks crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then, uh, what about like, um, Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay guys? Kids are called like Apple and like Banana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thaddeus sounds like a fucking Sith, doesn't he? Thaddeus isn't a name you change to, it's a name you change from, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to share with you guys of a recent RimWorld playthrough that I did. Wait, I did a Tribe playthrough of RimWorld, okay? So if you've never played RimWorld, you could do the Crashland one where you crash in a spaceship and you have some bits and pieces from the spaceship and you know some technology like electricity and stuff, but if you start with the Tribe


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't know how to do anything. They can make campfires and they can hunt and gather.


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[Assistant] Yes, and it's hard to survive for the time it takes to research because they get lots of diseases and it's hard to make food and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was doing, I'm doing okay, like I've almost researched electricity and stuff and, and I'm doing okay, but it's the winter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's really, really the winter, okay? It's cold as hell, it's like minus 30 every single day. But everybody's got parkas and toques and stuff and they're fine, they're pretty warm. But then we have a toxic fallout which lasts for months, okay? So people are kind of confined to being indoors, they can't really go outside too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't like stray too far from the camp or else they'll get like lots of toxicity build up and they'll die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we had a volcanic winter, which is a volcano erupting a lot of ash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a dog called Polly that kept wandering out to get food because we're running out of food. So Polly would wander out and try to eat berries off of bushes and whatever Polly could find, dead bodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somehow got in a tussle with one of the townspeople who went berserk because things are pretty bad. There's no food. Everybody's really stressed out and unhappy and stuff. So this townsperson almost punches Pauly to death, okay? So Pauly is incapacitated in like minus 50 degree celsius weather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The nose, both ears, every leg, like the tail, everything has lost a frostbite. But somehow we managed to keep Polly alive, okay? So, he's like a triple. He's like, please kill me at this point. There's no, yeah, there's no, uh, Polly cannot walk. Polly can't leave Polly's sleeping spot at this point, okay? But Polly is still somehow alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't make a wheelchair for Polly. We can't do anything with Polly. Somebody has to manually feed Polly every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Paulie's been trained up and is linked to a person, so that person will be even more unhappy if Paulie dies. On top of all the other shit that's happening. They'll have a serious breakdown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think maybe it's something that you can do later on after you've researched some stuff, cause I remember giving a peg leg to a dog one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To Polly. So Polly also has uhm, has need for Lusferium now. Or, or Euthanize Polly, which I don't really want to do, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit of, it's a bit of a tough one, but uhm, man, I can't recommend RimWorld enough. It's such a fantastic game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get raided by a dude who has molotov cocktails and you're done, pretty much. Especially if your whole base is made out of wood. But uhm, so I got obsessed with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the good people have died. Like one of our best guys died mid kidney harvest and that's when we, we sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, we, we reformed the law a little bit to say that if you're already part of the, the community, you don't have to go through, you don't have to pay the price, because we lost like our best cook to, um, to, to a bad kidney operation. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, shit. No, it is, it is very fun. So uhm, so have you guys done anything of note in the last week? We're back sort of on track now, right? We recorded a podcast last week. We're doing one today. Yep. With, with any luck we'll do one next week as well. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If all those things were put together, you'd never go on one. Like the people who put them together, especially like the traveling sort of like funfair ones, you know, they just seem to appear in the space of a day. And you think, wow, that's crazy. How did this roller coaster get here? And then you, you delve into it a bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do like a panorama on it, like a investigative report and you find that the people who've put it together are not trustworthy at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they smell like cabbage as well because they're carnies. Man, they're those people who possess like this weird skill of being able to like stand on the roller coaster and jump from car to car while the roller coaster is going, but they're not good at anything else in life. It's really weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have like the drug b-sweats as well. It's not even just like normal sweating, it's like kind of like half withdrawal sweating and also, you know, rigorous physical activity too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I don't know about the autism and stuff, but I, I personally, my theory is that you, you might be having some sort of like midlife mental breakdown or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have any, any, is there, are there any people in your family who are Lebanese? Cause you do look really Lebanese.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm from Ottawa, Ontario. I grew up there. I was born there. I was born at, on June the 5th, 1980 at Riverside Hospital, which is still there. It's big. It's much bigger now. It's a much bigger hospital than it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chris Lovis Memorial Hospital. Tragically, he killed himself during a Weird Al Yankovic concert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is how we remember him. And that's how we like to remember ol' Chris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, my family aren't from Ottawa, like we just settled there. Like my parents just happened to be in Ottawa when they met and they settled there, but like their families didn't live in Ottawa or anything like that, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I don't know if this is the same for you guys, but like they were, they were both like military.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Family, so my mom and dad ended up living on bases all over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, uh, my great-grandfather was a field medic in World War I. Oh yea? Fucking, imagine that. That's risky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uhm, my grandfather tried to follow in his footsteps. Uhm, but he wasn't, he wasn't old enough to fight in World War II. Uhm, but he, he served in Korea. He went over to Korea whenever that was. Damn. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he uhm, he was like, he was pretty highly decorated. Like I think he, when he retired he was like a colonel or something like that. He was like, yeah, he's pretty high up. Fuck, he did pretty good. He did good stuff for killing the guys. Yeah, yeah, his good friends, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who lived longer than it, cause he died of cancer like quite young, he was like in his mid 60's I think? He died of cancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as his friend who was sort of of a similar rank and everything, uh, stayed on and then he's like fucking in his mid eighties now or something and he still does like, uh, he, he's still like a consultant cause he retired as a general in the end and he's, he's like still a consultant for like the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like a national defense or something, it's, yeaah, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still think that some of Weird Al's songs are very funny and stuff, but I don't know, like I think it was just, it's one of those things, like, you know, when you just, you get, you just get that, that bit older and you just, you're not into it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I liked it. Yeah, that makes sense though. I liked it better when you were that guy from Star Trek instead of like this weird international ninja that wears all black now that you've become. Right. So, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have actually, I've been outside, we were outside, uhm, last week I think? All day. It was pretty nice. We went to the park. The weather is finally turning. Uhm, we had a guy come over yesterday because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you remember when you were here, but there's a lot of weeds in my, in my garden. Like the grass is like very weedy. You know, like if you cut it short, you can't really see it, but when it starts to grow, lots of weeds come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember like around the fence and stuff there were like bushes and stuff that were never tended? They were like all dead and like there was like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a little, like, palm tree that was kinda dying and stuff. Yeah. So we got rid of all of that shit, okay? Like all the planters, everything is, it's completely gone. And we're getting rid of the big vegetable patch that was there as well. And uhm, we're gonna get a guy in to lay some new turf. But he has to, he has to do like a weed kill of the whole...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we're doing now. We have to get all that done. But it'll be good when it's done. We'll just have like a nice...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll look like a golf course, like a, you know, like a putting green when it's all done. We're going to get like, and we're going to keep it only the size of a stoop table. It's going to be, yeah. So like, it'll be good because then in the, in the summer when the weather's really, really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we could just lock the kids out of the house and they could play in the backyard. We don't have to worry about them eating weeds or anything or plants. Cause it's just gonna be turf and a trampoline. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a fire hazard as well, like uhm, you know, nobody, if there's a fire in the house, you can't escape out the window. You have to keep the windows clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like, um, like the burbs. You know that movie with Tom Hanks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's gonna be a murder mystery, like in your neighborhood any day now, based on your sleuthiness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's like where Nico Bellic lives. You know, he's just... Who's Nico Bellic? The guy from, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the last I saw. That accent was subpar thinking Lewis needs to do his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's London, they have street parties all the fucking time. It's like New York, they have street parties too, you know, like, they get hot dogs and hamburgers and they listen to loud hip-hop music and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't wanna, you don't wanna get chatting to your neighbors too much though. They're too close for comfort. You know what I mean? Like, if they corner you and you have to talk to them at length at any point, that is just gonna ruin the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if she sells it for more than you bought it for and then you could buy more beer with the money that, cause she's a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, on the topic loosely of Jersey and England and stuff, so you guys are getting a new pound coin, right? They're phasing out the old ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, very popular locally, uh, cause Jersey has its own money, which is, it's, it's pound for pound sterling, but it has like Jersey stuff on it and it's printed over here and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have, but we have pound notes over here. Which is awesome. Oh wow. Yeah. And they're fucking phasing them out now. Because of this new pound coin. Like they're just gonna adopt the new pound coin. Because apparently it costs too much money to print pound notes. How does it cost more money to print pound notes than it does to fucking do whatever they're gonna do with these pound coins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so fucking good though, like I wish they'd just keep them, but they're gonna phase them out now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're super easy to forge. So these new ones are gonna be like 12 sided or something and they're harder to forge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks good. So like, surely we're almost at the point now where things, everything should just at least cost a pound and no less. Like when are we gonna start getting rid of fucking like 50 pence and 20 pence and pence in general?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're fucking annoying. Like to put it into co- 2p coin is the size of a loony in, in like the Canadian dollar coin. And like, you know, fuck they're, they're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well where am I supposed to carry them then? I need one of those bum bags. That's why bum bags exist, because of track pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the thing is with that, okay, is that it's like all that shit goes into a computer and they can tell what you're spending your money on and they can fucking figure out your spending habits and then you start getting weird letters in the mail saying like, hey, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's so fucking random, you can't fucking trace it, like I know there's Mark Bills and shit like that, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? They can't fucking figure out your spending habits and shit. And like, they try to do it at airports, right? Like, with your fucking, you need to have your boarding pass if you want to buy something. Why the fuck? Like, I don't want you to fucking know who I am. Like, what if I'm fucking buying a ton of lube or something and I don't want anyone to know about it? You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a sexual terrorist. And then you're like, well fuck, I should've just used cash and I would've never been in this predicament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got like a Elvis hair, like really thick. He's bold, he's bold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's amazing. Yeah, he vapes as well, and you vape too, so. He does vape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a man at the end of my tether. I've been set on a mission. I'm retired but I've had to come back because these bloody islanders have been throwing spears at pigs and stuff. So I'm going in, just me, on me own. And I'm gonna fucking teach him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, I got it, I pre-ordered it, but it didn't arrive on the day that it was released. That sucks. Uhm, and then I've just been lazy to going to pick it up, so. I hear really good things about it. Which is nice, because I haven't heard really good things about other games that are coming out pretty soon. Which, like Fallout 76.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people are saying that it's, when they've played it, they thought it was pretty good, but now realizing that it's coming out in like two weeks, maybe it's not so good. I don't know. I mean, you gotta take some of this stuff, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's in Fallout 76 then? What's like the base building side like? Is it pretty cool or is it pretty simple? Like is there more emphasis on you just going out and doing stuff or do you spend a lot of time making stuff or what do you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and so if somebody else happens across your spot, do they see your stuff or not really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you stuck with those people like forever then or do you just, when you spawn in you're just on a new server and then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there, is there, like do you have to grind stuff? Like is there an emphasis on playing it every day or is it the kind of thing where you just sort of like work through some storylines? Cause I heard that there's not really much storyline at all. It's all just like sort of side quests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like, there's not that many NPCs, you get a lot of your stuff from like terminals and what not. That could just be a beta thing or maybe that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you know what would have been perfect if you walked in there and then there was two, uh, motorcycle traffic cops standing behind the counter for, you know, chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just chips. So they only sell chips, but then the guys that work there are chips as well. It would be the full package. I've never heard that phrase used to describe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you've never seen chips? No, crazy. California Highway Patrol? Yeah, that's a, it's like a, like an 80s, I gotta look. It was dreadful. Chips. It was dreadful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A tire though. Every chip shop I've been to in the winter has had a man really bundled up even though it's pretty hot in there when they've got the deep fryers going and stuff. They always seem to have a scarf or like some sort of coat on or whatever. And I think it's because it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to sell you just chips, yea, but they also want to give off that sort of like, you know, street food vendor vibe as well, you know, where it's like, hey, it's kind of outside, even though it's really not outside, but you know what I mean? Like, I think it adds, I think it adds to the experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends how hungry you are. If you're hungry, yea. If you're like really, really hungry, you know, sometimes like your, your, your eyes are bigger than your stomach when you're feeling really hungry. And you're like, give me the, give me the super size chips. And then you only eat like five chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think you owe it to yourself to finish, if you bought it, and you know, you don't want to waste, so. I think you have to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he turned around and looked at you, saw that you were staring, you pressed a button, and then you heard the doors lock behind you. And then they both smiled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know about you guys though, but I like, I prefer when they sort of get the chips, I don't like chips straight out of the fryer, like I like them after they've sat in the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. That's exactly it. They're too hot. I like them warm. I like warm chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were in France and this guy was like working in this place, but he was accosting everybody that came in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And most people couldn't understand him because they were all tourists, but because I understand French, I understood what he was saying. And he was getting, he was getting really antsy with people because they weren't lining up properly. And he, and he was saying to them, yeah, actually there's a line here, uh, because that's how we do it in this country. That's what he was saying to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was like, holy shit, this guy's really rude. But I just like, we were sitting down and I was telling my wife and she's like, oh, I can't believe how rude this guy is. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, yeah, I know. And like, none of the staff seemed to interact with him either. Like he was just like, you know, he's just this grumpy lone wolf guy that nobody...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can just imagine the post, the post editing that they put in with the ketchup squirting sounds and stuff like that. Everybody's laughing their heads off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should make a movie about this story and then at the end of the movie, the last scene of the movie is the man who is buying chips walking out of just chips with his cone of chips with an even spread of ketchup, you know, applied to the top of the chips and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He drops the cone on the ground and puts his, outstretches his arms and looks up in the sky and goes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rufio Romero Cinema Award on all the big ones as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right. So, so just chips, uhm, what would you give it out of five stars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you, I bet you're not the only person he did that to. He probably ate a full meal's worth of chips just by doing the same trick. It's like, he's like Saul Goodman. You know, it's got, he's like hustlin' out there. So like, when you walked away, he went back to pretend pissing, waiting for the next chump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To come down the alley, takes out his chips, then before you know it, that's a free meal right there, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, you know, we started doing flax cause we had the same, same issue. We just went to like a pound world and you can buy like a big plastic Halloween bowl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody knocked on our door at like 10.30 last night and I guess it was just like somebody chanting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a weird, it's a weird thing, isn't it? Stepping out, it's because the daylight savings and everything, it gets dark really early. So 6 o'clock, it's pitch black. You walk out onto your road, which is normally like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You invite them into your life and you don't know these people. The only thing you have in common is that you live next to each other. You know? I don't fucking need-