[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you're at a funeral, it's at like the really, really sad part where like, you know, they start playing like the Barry Manilow. They're like, oh, Sheila loved Manilow. And then, you know, it's not unusual. You know, it starts playing and everybody's fucking crying and everything. And you're just sitting there going like, shit, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not shit your pants right now, no! And you look over and your baby is making that face that you know that the shit is coming out and you're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on the other hand, if you didn't really like Sheila that much, or you're not a fan of Barry Manilow being blared across like a church, cause it's like modern day now, you know? Like back in the day, you used to go to like a church service for a funeral and they'd play like hymns and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, now they play like, El Divo and like, you know, like, popular songs, cause people like those songs nowadays, like when they pass away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, it's kinda weird, it's kinda awkward sometimes. So maybe you don't like the artists that they're playing across the church and your baby's done shit in their pants. Kinda like a free pass to get out of there, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, I think they used like reusable diapers, like cloth ones. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, yeaah, they boiled them up and bleh. I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're like, really like, eco-centric or whatever, I think people still do that. Oh, okay. I mean, I like the environment as much as the next guy, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. I like the environment as long as it's not shitting in my house. Pretty much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, being a dad would be pretty fun. And it cements my desire not to be a dad. No. It's fun, it's fun to just like see other people's kids once or twice a year. And, and then you're like, yeah, you know, that's enough for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like a little like uhm, pss pss pss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the ideal, I think. That'll get, that'll get really clean. That's the safest way to clean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your kids, I think. Little bit controversial, same time, and I think probably you could get taken to court. Today we have a man and a woman accused of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty sure never actually. I mean, you actually go out of your way to make sure you don't drop them. Even though people sorta say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then fucking, you know, straight away, you know what's coming next. Fucking, Sheila loved Manolo so much, now we gotta bust some out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Man, I feel so jaded, but like, I don't know, like, I feel like funerals are too tacky nowadays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This time, I thought Barry Manlow was black.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get over the whole train part, you know? Sheila getting dismembered under a train. It's kind of upsetting, but, you know, I guess like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like how much did you love Sheila? Do you think you want to go with like the all-inclusive mahogany coffin or you just want like a cardboard box with packing tape around it, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, we did a whip round and not a lot of people really donated, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went to, well you've been to a couple recently, haven't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been to a few weddings- They can pass like two, three years, you've been to a couple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan. Do you have any fun stories from those? Like did you accidentally have sex with the bride or anything like that, you know? Uh, ooh. No?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, honestly, when it's your own, it's different. Because it's like... You know, you do it because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do it for yourself to make things official and stuff, but you do it because you've got family and stuff as well, right? It's a celebration and people wanna like take part in that, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that a lot of the shit that happens at weddings and the things that are expected of people that they have to do and stuff like that nowadays, not only is it really fucking expensive and it's like a billion dollar industry, uh, so there's a lot of like pressure,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like consumer pressure for you to partake in all this fucking bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, yeah, I don't, I don't agree with that side of it. I mean, I think if you're putting together a little sort of party for like your family and your loved ones to get together and celebrate something that's nice or whatever, that's pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, like, if you're getting, like, a fucking Hummer limo with, like, neons on the bottom and your wife has been crying for two weeks about her wedding dress and all that kind of shit, it's like, well, I don't know. Maybe those parts of it aren't, like, the best. Although, having said that, a Hummer limo is pretty fucking sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm just joking. No, we got married. Well, I mean, partly. I think if we both grew up in the same country, we wouldn't have gotten married as young as we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's no green cards over here. Like, I still have a Canadian passport. It's like a, you know, it's like dual citizenship sort of thing, so. Yeah. Shit is shit. Yeah. Shit is shit. I have trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, so do I. But, uh, it's not like, um, you know, it's just, it's just like, uh, it's, it's not the only reason you do it, but it is definitely, you know, if you're not from the same country, it's something that you sort of have to think about at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, especially, you know, if you, if you don't want to have to like continually go back to your country of origin for stretches of time, only to then just come back and stuff like that. Like it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of annoying, like we had to do it for a while and it was like pretty annoying, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Jesus not want me to just get a ton of Nintendo games for Christmas? Is that not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I decree every girl and boy across the land shall receive Nintendo games on this day. Delicately wrapped and placed under the fireplace by an imaginary man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess they just get PlayStation games. PlayStation 4 games. They just get like Call of Duty and stuff like that, don't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Monday, we had a weekend, I was in the club, I was busting a move, like pretty hard, like I usually do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, yeaah, then I just broke my femur and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the rest is history. There was no base drop for me on this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have, like, a backup. You know, like, when you, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you lose a kidney, you gotta back up, right? Yeah. It's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's, there's definitely parts of your body where there's no backup. You know, once you've, once you've lost it, that's it. You're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My knowledge, my knowledge of a femur comes from, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roleplay games. Cause you always find one, don't you? You know, you always find one in a treasure chest, like, with other stuff. It's that classic bone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I never actually thought about it beyond that though. That's, and that's the truth. I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna know where you think it was. The knee bone's connected to the this bone and that bone's connected to the femur. Like it's not in the songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dem bones. I think it actually is just co- is it dem bones? Roll dem bones. Dem bones, dem bones, dem- but I don't know. Is that- that's not a thing though, is it? Dem bones? Uuuh. It can't be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The musical start. No, no, there's no lyrics to start with. It goes like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, wait a sec, that's not even... That's not it. That's a different song altogether. Man, for some reason, I don't know why, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever remember being scared of the Muppets when you were smaller? Do you think there's like a stage in your life


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you get to that's a bit awkward where you're scared of the Muppets and you sort of have to overcome that fear before you can fully embrace and enjoy the Muppets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, is that, is that something like Twilight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what I say is that something like Twilight, I mean it in the sense that Twilight is something I've heard about many times but I've never actually seen before and I have no intention of seeing either because I know what it is sort of thing and I feel like maybe Uncanny Valley is a little bit like, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't have that. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? Cause actually I get sexually aroused by them. Is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, when you said uncanny valley, I immediately thought, is that a computer game? Or like, it sounds like the name of a computer game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, yeaah. That's why I sort of mentioned Twilight because, I mean, that's kind of a crappy American TV show too, isn't it? From what I know of it. Like I said, I've never seen it before. What do you know about Twilight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's like Dawson's Creek with vampires. It's like one tree hill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With vampires. Instead of just normal 35 year olds pretending to be 16 year olds as they do in the American teen dramas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think 50 Shades of Grey was more like, mine and your mum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like vampires. I like sexy vampires. I mean true blood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the bad boy too. Yeah. So she's double dippin' in the love department.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, do you think that, when you watched it, did you want her to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of things though? Like, is it like, oh damn my abilities. Damn, damn these vampire tendencies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean it's one of these things that like I've never seen before and it's like kinda old now too, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would go see Blade, like I saw Blade in the theaters, and Blade 2, and I thought that was awesome. But like, I wouldn't want to see a vampire romance in the theaters. Especially with like my kids. That would be awkward as shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need to be careful. I need to be careful about the kind of things that my kids are going to drag me to in the future. Especially like, my daughter because, you know, I don't want to end up going to like, Twilight


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10, the movie or whatever. She's old enough to go see that kind of stuff. Hopefully she's just not into that sort of stuff. You know, hopefully she's just into, I don't know, Ghostbusters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, all the stuff my son's into pretty much, that'd be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've learned a lot of the world by playing video games. So like, you know, and I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. So I think, you know, more power to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, I'm a big fan of. Oh yea, you're a big fan of all that stuff, yea. But, why, why do you listen to that stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, I thought you said drink a coke. I was like, I immediately called bullshit. I thought you were going to tell some sort of stupid dad joke or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and so I feel like at the best of times, that's what, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, dinosaur bones are. Cause how do they know? Like it's crazy. How do they know where the bits go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if I found a bunch of bones in the ground, I would never be able to piece them together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, bearing in mind, I'm not actually trained in this field whatsoever, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we need to, I think we need to pronounce it properly too, because like if you just say femur, it doesn't do it a lot of justice. I think we have to call it the femur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Gary Drinkacoke or whatever his name is. Gary Drinkacoke. He's the, he's busy doing the bone wars. Dinosaur boy. He's boning it up. So yea. He's just like, polishing bones, having a coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is because they were so busy trying to have like a competition rather than actually taking science seriously. And that's a lesson to everybody. If you're in the field of science, don't have a competition. Stay true to the ideals of science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about a brontosaurus?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. That's how it, that's how it avoided, that's how it avoided all of the catastrophe that was happening on the planet. It just flew into space, just chilled up there for a bit. It's like, yea, no problem. Came back down when everything was fine, and to this day, of course, you can hear


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The terrifying screech of the pterodactyl in our skies. Just go outside. There you'll hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's why you need a submersible. But, what's the deepest like a human made submersible can go? Because there's a lot of pressure obviously the deeper you go. Uhm, and I think that the deepest that you can go is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he knows. He loves to go. Because he of course discovered the wreck of the Titanic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're joking, right? I'm not joking. Well, it's a funny joke anyway because, I mean, James Cameron, this is the same guy that made Angel, the TV series Angel, right? Yea. No way that he's been in a submarine before, okay? He fucking went to like the bottom of the Atlantic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I think we can agree that he has worked on a couple of dumbass projects before, but he's not been to the bottom of the sea. There's no fucking way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, way number two, discover a new, uh, breed of sea cucumber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think Cameron found one of these things and that's how he was successful?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He found a vent and he just like, you know, hovered above it or whatever and was like, hey! Fuck you, nature! Done it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's ruined my whole day. He's had some really good movies actually, it's true. Uhm, that's ruined my whole day though. Because I wanted him to just be good at making a couple of movies and not do other things. Like I had him pigeon-holed big time. As just like, uh, Cameron, stay in your box. Alright?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just stick to the movies, stick to what you're good at, alright? We don't want any more deep sea diving or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, cause he also directed, uh, Aliens, which was the second Alien movie, which was arguably the best in the trilogy. So Cameron has this ability to come in mid trilogy and make a good movie. How does he do it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you did. Oh, I thought he just came in out of nowhere. He wrote it. Like, who's this fucking little Jimmy here? Little Jimmy Cameron out of nowhere. This fucking blockbuster movie. Guns N' Roses on the soundtrack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I got a bombshell to drop on you. What about Team Destiny's Dialed instead of Child? We can make a theme song around that, actually. You know, remember that Destiny's Child song? We'd have to be Destiny's Dialed, though, because it's the only way for the DD to fit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, it could be like a tribute band to Destiny's Child, but check it out, okay? You know, remember that song? I think it's the Charlie's Angels, uhm, song? It's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These, those watch that I'm wearing, I bought it. But like we can, we can customize all that to like our own story. So like for instance, this garage I'm sitting in, I bought it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got any others? This pizza I'm eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could actually mix it up, yeaah. This tea I'm brewing. I made it. This garage I'm sitting in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's not very clean though, this is the thing. It's fucking comfy though, man. Yea, it's like the ultimate man cave. Well, actually I did clean it up a little bit, but then it got messy again. It's just the way that it goes, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need somebody to come in and clean it on the regular, but I don't really have anyone that can do it. So, you know, that may be something to think about for the future, you know. It's a little job opening. It's something you'd like to do. Bring your bubble over, hook up with some hot single mums and clean my garage. Okay. On the regular. I'll bring the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember the movie Gremlins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Joe Dante. No, you're gonna be fucking surprised at who actually directed the movie Gremlins, because I didn't realize. I watched it yesterday. It's Joe, Joe Dante. It's not Joe Dante, close though. It is none other than...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stefan Spielbergo. The one and only. Gremlins, motherfucker. Can you believe it? Not according to Wikipedia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what does Wikipedia know? Alright, I start with my own eyes. Steven Spielberg presents Gremlins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we both know that Steven Spielberg isn't just gonna sit idly by and present something without getting into that director's chair and doing the magic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without doing a good amount of direction. He's gonna get in there, he's gonna be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, Joe DiMaggio, I know that this is your film, but I'm Steven Spielberg, world-renowned director, and I think that I have a thing or two that I could offer to the production of this movie. Why don't you just step aside a minute, let me sit down, and let me, let me do this for a second. And, you know, the guy was just like, oh well, Steven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing is, is Gremlins is, of course, a, uh, a period piece that I really want to make sure we, you know, we, we, we really embrace the values of the Gremlin society and Steven's like, Joe, shut the fuck up a minute, okay? Now let me sit down in this director's chair and, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's when the magic happened. I don't know exactly what it is that happened because like a professional chef, Steven Spielberg, uhm, does that thing with his hand where he hides from your vision what he's actually doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Because it's secret. It's like a trick of the trade. It's drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and then he, he pulled it out of the bag. Or his ass. And uhm, and there's the story of Gremlins. How it became so popular, so big, because Steven Spielberg knows how to direct a movie, and Joe Piscopone, or whatever his name was, the guy you mentioned, that you thought did it, doesn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Stephen recognized that early on, and that's what made it such a big hit. Okay. Just got rid of the other guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember how awful it was when they would go in the water? Remember when they went in the swimming pool and they started turning into the bad ones? And it was like, oh my god. That was amazing, wasn't it? No, it wasn't. It was petrifying. Did you watch it with your kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. He was like, he was in and out of the room sort of thing, but not fully watching it. And then we stopped watching it like when it started to get really intense because you know, I don't want him to get scared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't like it. Yeah, but I remember, um, you know, we were watching it and it was like, fucking Spielberg, I can't believe it. What has this guy not done? Show me a movie that Spielberg hasn't had a hand in. Like, this guy, seriously, his contribution to film over the past, like, a hundred years has been crazy. Go easy, Sips. What? Go easy. I know you're fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just want to show my respect to, you know, arguably the biggest talent in the biz. Do you want to know something else about Spielberg? Four billion dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not surprised, you know why? Why? Listen, this is crazy, okay? George Lucas, when he was making Star Wars in the first place, they were doing the, you know, they were putting it together and it was scheduled for release and at the same time Spielberg was working on Close Encounters of the Third Kind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Lucas and Spielberg are like pretty good friends and, um, you know, they'd happen by each other's sets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's not, no, no, this is, this is, this is 100% true, okay? Okay. So, so, Star Wars is just like wrapping up, and they've shown it to like the executives at 20th Century Fox or whatever, and you know, they showed them the version where they didn't have the special effects in, so they had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, a shopping cart for the Millennium Falcon and stuff, and all this like old World War II plane footage, like for the dogfighting scenes and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're fucking crazy, man. And anyway, Spielberg says to George Lucas like, fuck, this is gonna be huge, by the way. George Lucas is like, nah, I don't think so. And, uh, you know, they're at the set of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close Encounter is the third kind, and George Lucas is like, no, I think this is gonna like, kill Star Wars at the box office. And Steven Spielberg is like, no way, George, like, this is gonna be humongous, trust me. So he's like, alright, well fine, you know, I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to release this movie. It's gonna flop. I'm probably gonna lose everything because I've poured like all of my heart and soul and finances into it. He's like, why don't you give me like 2% of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Steven Spielberg's like, yeah, okay, fine, that sounds like a good deal to me. And so George Lucas is like, okay, great, well at least, you know, I know that Steven Spielberg's movie's gonna be amazing and stuff's gonna do really well, so at least I'll have some money after, like, this all goes fucking down the crapper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Star Wars releases, George Lucas is on vacation in Hawaii with his wife at the time. Totally forgot that it was even being released that night because he was so disappointed and thought it was just gonna be a train wreck or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then they start watching the news and everybody's like losing their shit about Star Wars and stuff and going crazy and it's become this big phenomena and everything and it was actually released.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to like 35 theaters originally, but they had to re-release it later on because it was so popular. So they re-released it again and it made millions and stuff. And to this day, Steven Spielberg still owns 2% of Star Wars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true. Oh my god. It might be more than 2% even. I seem to remember 2%, but it could be more. So, there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Spielberg actually has, he owns some of Star Wars. And Disney's acquisition of Star Wars only covered digital distribution as well. So like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, that was his insurance, right? But then he just like, he doubled up, because I think- They both did incredibly well, though. Off the back of those movies, yeaah. And then they went on to do Indiana Jones together, remember? They were like, holy shit, George, Steven, I love you man, I love you too, we made so much money, what do you wanna do next? Fuckin', let's get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's gonna be said, Louis, neither are you. So, I don't know. I mean, or are you? Are you one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they do that in porn as well with stunt cocks. They try to find somebody with a penis that resembles yours so that you can have a bit of downtime in between all that fucking. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a s- I thought we were talking about like stunt doubles and then I started talking about stunt cocks. How do- what are stunt cocks though? I didn't think they were- I didn't think it was what you just said. It's like a standing cock, yea. But like, cause you've been at it all day. Hammering away. You need a little break. So they get somebody with a very similar penis to your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, the new season's coming out, like, pretty soon, so. Tough shit! You know what? Does it matter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not just crusher, but a crush. And I mean, it's a pretty typical thing to talk about, isn't it? Cause I think every guy who watched Star Trek The Next Generation had a crush on Deanna Troi. But, whilst I did appreciate Deanna Troi's, uhm, boobs. Ample.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also had a bit of a crush on Beverly Crusher as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you? I don't know why. Yeah, it was really weird. It was like an awkward one. Where it was like, you know what? I would let her give me medical attention. And I'd be pretty happy with that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe that's the thing though. Some people like that. People like that the mum thing, don't they? That's not to say that they're actually it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do? Yea. I think people- Well Picard needed a, uh, like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sock me off. My quarters, ten minutes. My quarters, yeaah. But uhm, yeaah, I don't know, I just think that like, I think that Deanna Troi gets like all the attention when, I think Beverly Crusher was like, you know. Engage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Beverly, you're gonna have to do that warp nine. I have other things to do today, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Jesus. Ah, shit. Uhm, so anyway, uhm, but yeaah, I think that, I think people should actually consider Beverly Crusher as a alternative to Deanna Troi, you know? I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a source, Deanna Troi can only be used so many times before you think, I need something new, I need something fresh, I need something exciting. And that excitement is Beverly Crusher. Doing the doctor bit. On my balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I wasn't interested in having a relationship with Beverly Crusher at the time. Okay? I was, you know, I was becoming a man at the time. I was going through puberty. There's a lot of confusing thoughts going through my mind, but one thing I did know for sure was that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? Beverly Crusher is a contender alongside Deanna Troi. And also the other one that Data used to be in love with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Dana Scully. Nice. She's back. Isn't there like a new X-Files? I saw people talking about this on Twitter, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I used to watch X-Files a lot actually, it was fucking good. So who else did you have a crush on from TV?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Princess Leia in this, in the metal bikini, which is everybody, everybody who grew up, uhm, around that time when those movies were coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the one you had. Who else? I'm trying to think. Who else was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Star Trek, I used to watch Star Trek, I used to watch a lot of cartoons and like, I don't know, they didn't really make like, not like nowadays where like, nerds obsess over like, cartoon girls and stuff, you didn't really have that so much, like, I don't remember any of that anyway. It's like, newer cartoons I guess they make like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people in the cartoons, they try to make them kinda sexy or whatever, but like, that's never really worked for me. I've always been more like, you know, Deanna Troy. Not so much Dana Scully, I gotta say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you say that. I mean, I think that there's somebody else you should be a little bit more worried about when it comes to obsessions with Deanna Troi, and his name is Jordy LaForge, and I'm pretty sure he actually attempted to sexually assault her in the holodeck at one point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi everybody, welcome back to the Tri-Fizzle-Pod-Gizzle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're back. Uh, it's me, Pyronflax, and uh, Louis. We made it, again, for the third week in a row. We're uh, we're really, we're really consistent. We're on a schedule. Uhm, much like pooping, right? Like you poop on a schedule. We recorded this podcast on a schedule too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I've got an adult diaper, so I'm good. Nice. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird, it's weird like the whole concept of an adult diaper though, right? Because adults, you know, like a diaper works on a baby because baby's poops are liquid. Because all they do is drink milk, right? But like, an adult's poop


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is not always liquid, like sometimes it's, it's a big log and that, that must be awkward when, you know, you just poop in a diaper and you just got this huge bulge sticking out the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really uncomfortable. Yeah. Like you, if you sat down with that in there, like would it just try to like go back up your ass or just smudge like all over your cheeks or what? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cracking way. I don't know, like if I ever get to the point in my life where I have to wear adult diapers, someone just fucking kill me. You have my permission, like I don't even think that's considered murder, like if-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you see me walking down the street and there's a big bulge in my- around my ass, and I'm wearing an adult diaper, just fucking kill me. Hit me with your car or whatever, like just- just end- end me. And you have my permission.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's exactly it. I listen to a podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds, it sounds fun. SIP 5, I like enough. I mean, I should join you guys again at some point, but at this point, because you guys have been playing so much, and I was only in like the first couple of games,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like a lot of you are just so much better at the game now that I'm just gonna be completely useless. Like, I was already useless to begin with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause last year when you went, you went to Florida after, right? And you were staying at 1259 Mulberry Lane in Orlando.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, from Seattle to, uhm, to Florida? Yeaah. You were gonna drive that? Yeaah, yeaah. Yeaah, it would've taken you like a week. Yeaah, yeaah, I mean that's the thing. It's like so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think anyone likes the middle though. That's the thing. It's really fucking boring. Like the midwest, you've got like places like Fargo and Denver and like who fucking cares? Nobody wants to go to those places. That's probably why your dad did you favors. Like don't drive through those places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I'm somebody who never goes off and double checks things to see like if they're real or whatever. So I was happy enough to go on the assumption that it was a true story and told everyone I knew. I was like, can you believe that's a true story? Like that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It isn't very clearly though, cause that's kind of believable. It's not like, it's not so far-fetched, is it? Like, I don't think it's like too far-fetched, but it's, it's clever. It was, it was a good movie and good story and stuff anyway. Yeah, and the TV shows are pretty good. I like What's His Face in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leisure suit Larry in the land of lounge lizards. Yeah, what was there was a couple of passionate Patty remember passionate Patty I played all those shit out of those games


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were really, really bad. Yeaah. It's like the golden age of adventure gaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How big was John Denver's boil on his ass cheek and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was really good. They were great games. That was the, those were the Sierra adventure games back when, when Sierra made games and didn't just publish them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's still a publisher. I think they still publish some games, but I don't think they have a thriving adventure game studio anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sierra, Sierra more recently, which is not actually recent at all, uhm, made Evil Genius. You remember that, Ken?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was an actual guy, an AI expert behind the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking crazy. And now he's working on Skynet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of, it can be really cheap if you're smart about it, but if you're really dumb and you stay in like, you know, overpriced hotels like in the city and stuff like that, it can be pretty expensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as I know, they're still going. I think they, I just think that they've.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] King's Quest, Space Quest, they did all the Space Quest, Leisure Suit Larry, those were like the big Sierra franchises back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, uhm, it's like D&D Lite, like it's really simple. Oh, it's super lite, yeah. Yeah, it's very fun though. I've never played it. Hey listen, uhm, so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a, we did a road trip, well we did many road trips as a family like when I was growing up sort of thing, but one of the road trips that we did


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was we drove from Ottawa to Orlando, which is like two, two or three days driving. And it takes you through like all the great Eastern States, like New York and like North Carolina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] South Carolina, Virginia, like states like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't remember going through it. It was all a bit of a blur. I was pretty young at the time, but I remember we got, we, we, we got into like Florida state and we were making our way down to Orlando. And I think it just timing wise, we, I think we had to like stop in Jacksonville or something because it was really late and we had to stay over sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyway, one thing I distinctly remember being sort of like surprised by, we were driving down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We stopped off at a diner to eat lunch and we got in there and was like, oh, table for four. Cause I had like younger brother or whatever. So we sat down and we were just sitting there like looking at the menus and stuff. And then two like highway patrol guys came in, you know, with the fucking aviators and like the weird, you know, scout hats and you know, big gun holster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had like the big gun holsters and like these like fucking magnums and stuff and they, they walked in and they were, you know, doing like the posturing and stuff and they're like, oh yeah, we need two tables please. And there's two of them and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was pretty young, I was at the time, I was like, well maybe they just don't want to sit together? Like maybe they just want to sit at their own tables, like they're on a break or something? Like I didn't get it. So like I watched them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, so they went over like in the corner of this diner, and there was two tables, and they both sat at one table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, okay, well, well, what the fuck? And then they just started fucking unloading guns onto the other table. Okay. So they, they actually had a gun table that just had like a shotgun on it from the car and like all of these guns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holstered guns that they took out and stuff and they just completely de-gunned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To sit down and have like coffee, and then there's just like this mountain of weapons on this table beside them. It was fucking weird. And then uhm, I sorta said to my dad like, oh is that what you guys do? Cause my dad was like a cop uhm, in Ottawa. And he's like, no no, we don't have like that many guns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So fucking alien to Canadians and I think the gun table was definitely one of them. Um, it was really weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they started giving them pepper spray. They had the stick as well. You know, they could do those fancy moves with the stick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need more guns. That's how you combat guns. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's crazy. And it's hard. It's easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, in Canada, there are lots of guns. Like, you know, hunting is a big thing in Canada. Lots of people have hunting rifles and stuff at home, but the control around them and the permit issuing and everything is a lot tighter and better controlled in Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whilst there's lots of guns, uhm, they're, you know, you're required to lock them up properly, you're required to do all this stuff. Because like, I guess in America, a part of the problem is that guns,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the times, you know, it's easy enough to go into a store and get a gun if you have a permit or whatever. I don't know exactly how it works, but a lot of guns are stolen from people's houses, right? And that's a huge problem as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having to lock them up properly or like hide them or whatever is like, you know, a thing that they do in Canada, so a lot less.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ended up on the streets, but I mean, I guess like gun crime is still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is as well and something that a lot of people don't consider is that there are a lot of people who just like guns. Like they just want to own guns and they like them and they think they're fucking cool and they want to shoot them at a target range or whatever and stuff and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I guess that's like, you know, something in itself or whatever, but you know, some people are like, very enthusiastic about guns as well, and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think it's, it's, it's one of those things that you like them, I guess, or you, or you really don't like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would, I would prefer to be harmed in a more personal sort of manner rather than at long, at long range. You know, like if somebody's going to hurt me, try to like gouge my eyes out or stab me or something. Don't, don't pussy out and shoot me from like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They don't go down easy either. Like one shot for a moose is pretty rare. Like that's when you need the Heathrow. Have you shot a moose?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moose, did you just shit in public? That's it, you're going down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just like one firm hand on the shoulder and the other one just fucking gouging his guts out with a knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hearts of iron for the same, the same old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really, really apparent in, cause we started another game, right? We've got the game that we played as the Scandinavian fascists, that's out now and going up on Team Double Dragon. And people seem to, actually surprisingly, people seem to enjoy it so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Which conflicts with yours of course, but you know, I'm sure we can find like a middle ground. Anyway, uhm, so we started another game and the, the AI being hilariously bad at times is, I, I find really apparent in that game because there have been some questionable decisions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're not allowed. You shouldn't- I- I don't even know why you would be compelled to consider that. What's the difference? Who cares?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well as somebody who visits Germany very occasionally, I can pretty much say that I think you're right, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I don't think that they find jokes about Hitler very funny because they're really sensitive and touchy about it. Understandably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so uhm, so Hearts of Iron IV, uh, I think we're unanimous in saying we're playing it to record it now, and we haven't been playing it much in our spare time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's okay, it's not that great. It gets a lot of hype and it's alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe. Yeah, I mean, nerds don't really go outside. We need a good, good game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, I've got, I mean, speaking of tans, I've got like the ultimate dad tan like on my neck though. Like my whole body is neon white except for the back of my neck, which is like fucking like brown as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much, yeaah. Like, so the sun doesn't reach anywhere else except for the back of my neck. Nice. Uhm, yeaah. And then occasionally if I have to be outside, like against my will, uhm, that's where the sun seems to like to go on me as well, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played it, Fallout 4, I actually finished it. I did the storyline, but I went with the Brotherhood of Steel and did their whole-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, cause it, it, the Fallout 4 endings, it turns out, are not the same as the previous games. You know, remember like in New Vegas and in Fallout 3, when you finish the game, uhm, you'd get like little, little differences in like that sort of like montage at the end, you know, it'd be like, the Lone Wanderer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Decided not to take his dog with him and instead...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The endings seem to revolve around sort of you either doing something with the Institute or something with the Brotherhood of Steel or something with like the Railroad who are like synth, um, sympathizers or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how I feel about that. I kinda like the old way, the old endings in the Fallout games, but it was still pretty satisfying. The Brotherhood of Steel questline thing was pretty awesome. There's definitely some very funny moments in there as well, like very Fallout-esque.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's, that's a, um, that's like a Nick Valentine sort of, a girl's gone missing and she might be a synth and you have to go find her sort of thing and it takes you to like a new location or whatever. Yeah. I mean, I've got it as well. I didn't, I didn't play it. I keep needing to go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, so the DLC that's coming out this month for Fallout 4, at some point, I'm not sure when, uh, but I'm gonna pick it up because it looks pretty fun, is the one where you build your own vault and, uh, people can live in it. Right, right. You can get them to do shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should be pretty fun. I don't think you build your own vault, but I think it's, you know, the whole settlement building thing applies where you can place furniture and you can have a vault. That appeals to me. I would like that. Like if I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it would be so fucking miserable, like it would be so bad. Like, I would not want to survive. I would just want to be killed in the explosions. Like, I wouldn't do shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would suck. It would really fucking suck. Like, the world as you know it would be not there. You'd have no fucking comfort whatsoever. Like, you'd just have to start from scratch with so much shit that you take for granted now. It'd be impossible. Like, you'd really fucking suck balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll, they'll, they're murderers and rapists and stuff and you're like, yeah, well whatever, they're raiders and it's a video game and fine, I'll just go kill them all. But like, fuck, if that was, if that was really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want that to ever happen to the world. Like I'm quite happy taking my kids to school, playing video games, enjoying electricity, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we would not live, uhm, past the point where we could resurface. Like, I mean, we're like in our 30s and 40s and stuff. We would die in those vaults. And if we had kids or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean Fallout 4, like, I don't think you need to wait for all the DLC. Honestly, I think that there's enough to do. Like the settlement stuff, they've released a bunch of DLC for like, you can make factories and stuff and there's definitely enough to do. I guess I finished the game as Brotherhood of Steel and I instantly restarted again because I want to finish it as like a, I want to do like the Institute route.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get to the end, uhm, in the Brotherhood of Steel line, you basically have to assault the Institute, because you find the Institute and stuff. Uhm, and same with the Railroad, you have to assault them and kill them all as well, because those are like the main rival factions, so there's big quests to basically get rid of them sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in the final big push in the institute or whatever, you know, you meet your son and he's created a synth of him as a little boy and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and you, and you find out that it is a synth and depending on how you're sort of like aligned in the game or whatever, like I, I was like a real synth hater in my, in my playthrough. So like right at the end, like the Institute is like about to explode or there's going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I picked that one, and then, and then he goes like really fucking sinister on you, like how fucking dare you, you're gonna leave me here, and then the dialogue ends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's crazy. So I tried to shoot young, robotic Sean in the face for Dissin' Me hard right before I blew up the institute, and I couldn't. I felt a bit cheated. But then, you know, you get to blow it up anyway, and probably dies, so it was all good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My man, I blasted through it too, like it took me no time at all to- Sounds like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Yeah. I started playing Hearthstone again recently as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you? I did, yeah. I don't know what. What are you playing? I don't know what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prompted me to play it. I had like no interest in it. And then I think I hadn't even, I hadn't even finished all of the league of explorers stuff. So like I still had cards to unlock. So I did all that yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I was watching, I think it was Strifecrow, I was watching him, I watched like one of his videos where he was playing, uhm, like some C'thun warrior deck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I didn't know, I didn't know anything about, you know, whispers of the old gods. I didn't really know how any of the new cards worked or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just thought that C'Thun was awesome. Just, just the way that, you know, you build up to him and you drop him down and he does shit and it's, I just thought it was really cool. I wanted to try it out. So that, that's what got me back in. Started, I made the C'Thun warrior deck and played around with that. And then, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I got Yogg-Saron out of a pack, so I made some weird homebrew warrior Yogg-Saron deck, which I haven't lost with yet, but I'm at like rank 20, so uhm, it's been really fun. Actually, the new cards just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And playing in standard is really nice too, like there's no Dr. Boom and piloted shredders and you know, all the dumb shit that really annoyed me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is, it is really nice. It seems to refresh the game and there's lots of really interesting decks and, you know, there's still...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was watching Kibler playing like some like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does actually feel like that sometimes. It's pretty weird, but oh man. I hear that that game's actually pretty good though, all joking aside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's my fault. It's my fault. I was late today. It's going to be a short one. All right. Um, questions. Fine. Let's do quick. What's your favorite movie? This is from Josh Williams, 98.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's your favorite movie? No, no. Fargo. Okay. Lewis is chatting with Fargo. Big Lebowski. Really? That's a pretty good movie. Which one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't say Ghostbusters 2 is your favorite movie when Ghostbusters is clearly the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking, I mean Vigo can fuck off to start with, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fucking hate, the hate slime of New York can fuck off as well. It's a, it's a good, it's good enough, okay? It's a, it was a good enough Ghostbusters movie, but it was no way better than the first. Yeah, come on, Lewis. Each shit. What was my favorite movie? For lunch, okay? And die as well. I've got to say, mad man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, are you guys ready to be amazed? Because my favorite film of all time is Kingpin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what else is really fucking funny? Office space. That's another one. I mean, that's a classic. I love watching. Like, every time I see it, I really, really thoroughly enjoy it. But yea, no, Kingpin is definitely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's been so long since I've seen that movie, I don't even remember it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that, what was that one that was fucking the baseball one that had Joe Buu in it and, um, Charlie Sheen was in it too. He was a wild thing. Was it Major League? Major League? Yeah. That was a good sports movie too. It was just like really like fucking dumb and funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Major League is pretty funny. Yeah, it's stupid, but it's fun. Slapshot. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just not this perfect comedy formula as well. Like it just, the shit that happens, the situations, like everything, the story is really good. Like it's just such a simple story and it fits into like an hour and a half, two hour movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I find movies are like that now too, like The Hangover, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is meant to be like the blockbuster comedy where like these guys fucking go off and like, you know, oh, Billy's gonna get married, let's go on a fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go have a bachelor party to remember and like a fucking somebody gets killed and then they, they tussle with like the cartel and stuff and it's like, Jesus, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why that, that would pass a pitch over something else that would probably be a lot more charming and funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and police academy is one of those ones where like, you look, you think back and you're like, fuck, those were really funny. And if you watch them now, they're not that good. They really are like kind of cringe-worthy. But at the time, man, they were so good. They were just so good. Yeah, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just a mound. Yeah. Now it's just, now it's just some rubble and some couple of stains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was talking like this for about five minutes, walking, walking past the puddle of bark. You block your nasals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's almost so much has happened that I can't even think of one thing that's happened. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of happenings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my big thing. That was, yeaah. Man, did they get, did they get Jim Henson to do those puppets of you guys? Cause that was crazy. He's dead, dude. I know, but like, he's got like, uh, you know, people. He's got people, right? He's a ghost. They preserved his legacy. They did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, did you have to do that thing when you met your puppeteer where he was like, he had to spend the day with you and get to know the ins and outs of you so that he could adequately puppet you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's more like, it's like speech patterns and stuff, right? They try to like gauge your flow or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, from me too, like I think you're really good looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like in really good shape and stuff. I was watching TI for a bit and it's like this moment where time stood still and then Dreamweaver started playing in the background with watery eyes and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa, wait a sec, wait a second. You got back from being away for two weeks to a house with no kids in it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next summer, that is, that has to be the thing for my family. Do it! It's great! Holy shit. This summer, this is like the first summer vacation that my son's had, like, cause he, like, he finished nursery, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And holy shit, you get, you really do get used to them being at school. And like, when they're home all day and not at school, it's like, wow, what the fuck am I supposed to do now? They get bored. It's really intense. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we kinda have that, and it really doesn't work that way. At all. Oh yeaah. Yeaah. It's just like, you open the back door and you're like, hey, what's up? No, I won't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially your small kids because their idea of having fun and playing is so fucking alien to adults. It's just like what? It's not heartwarming either. It's very repetitive, weird, intense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like that with, with books at night too, like when you read them story books, cause there's always a couple of books that they have that aren't really books. They'll be mostly sticker books or something like that, with no story and they're like, yeah, let's read that one. It's not even a fucking story, like let's read something good. It's just a safety.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy, isn't it? Like my son did this too. We had this book. It was just like a baby book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it had different pictures of things like that you would associate with going to bed, right? It was like one of those like typical baby books where it's like, let's get ready for bed. And then on one page it's like, let's brush our teeth. And then on the second page it's like, let's put our PJs on and stuff. And then there's this one page where it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get our teddy bear ready. And even when he was like six months old, he'd see this page with the teddy bear on it and he would just like, he'd just crack up laughing and like get all like happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like no other page in the book. So like we, it was really funny. So like every night we would just read him this book and he would laugh at the same page every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my daughter just started doing that too. It's the weirdest thing. Like it's a completely different book, completely different like theme and pictures and stuff. But there's one picture in the book where she's just like, uuuh. She just like goes crazy. She just loves it. It's really weird. But it carries through when they get older as well. And then it turns into like a fascination with pornography and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was not briefed on this, this thing about, like, I didn't think I could send my kids away on a camp. Now I'm like, oh shit, we can send our kids away on a camp next summer. Yea dude, do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, my parents were weird. Like they were never consistent. Like I went to a summer camp one year and never again. And it wasn't because I didn't like it or whatever. They just like, I guess they just thought that it didn't work or it was too expensive or something. No, it was the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Camp Abernachie. It was out in the sticks. So I was in the suburbs. I grew up in the suburbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there was no portage involved though. It was, okay, so out in this like, out in this sort of like remote


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little town or village, uhm, this area called Cumberland, okay? Uhm, it was like, it was probably like 20 minutes on the bus, like on a big yellow school bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They pick you up at your house like early in the morning and drive you out to this place. And it was at like this Cumberland Community Center, which was also a hockey rink. Okay. It was a huge hockey rink there too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was during the summer, so there was no ice or anything. It was just all, it was all concrete. So you could play floor hockey and we played floor hockey a bunch. It was like an all-day thing. But the, the things that I remember the most about it were that A, the tap water there,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For whatever reason, I can't remember why, but to eat outside these picnic tables and literally were swarmed by wasps like the whole time and it was awful. And then, so you went there every day and you do shit like arts and crafts or sometimes you play hockey, you know, sometimes there was like hikes through the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went camping overnight with everybody, like from the thing. So it was like, you know, it was a big mix of people, like kids and stuff all on their summer vacation, whatever. And you go camping in this huge field. It was like, it was like Glastonbury sort of like, it was just like this big empty field and you went like on a haunted ghost walk and then back to your tent and then you went to sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was just so shit. God, I would never want my kids to have to go to that. Like it was just terrible. I can appreciate that it was cool to like have your kids, you know, like go to this place and maybe do this fun stuff or whatever. Maybe I found it fun when I was young or whatever, but man it was, it was, it was just bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like, I think like people, especially people that don't have kids, they're very idealistic, aren't they? When it comes to kids, they have like, you know, they say that's cruel and stuff, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact of the matter is that kids are such fucking hard work and so intense that you do actually need a break from time to time and like, it's true. You're not, you're not, it's, it's, I think it's more cruel to your kid for you to be completely burnt out and worn out all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, you know, just to send them away for like two weeks to have fun. You know what I mean? Like, you're not, you're not actually providing them with any means of having fun or whatever if literally you're miserable because you haven't had a break from kids for like a year or whatever. It's tough. It is super tough. Yeah, it's super tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, like, like people that say that will say that and they'll be like, oh, you know, it's cruel and stuff. And then, you know, they'll just go like fucking watch movies until they're blue in the face and do something that doesn't involve kids. And that's good for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She doesn't understand, they don't understand the impact Deanna Troy had on a young man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, Deanna Troi was just meant to be sort of like the, you know, the, like, well she was like a doctor, right? She was meant to be sort of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deanna's only job, the only thing she needs to worry about is looking great. And you know what? She does it effortlessly. She just turns up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can feel the juices flowing. I'm thinking about Deanna. I'm thinking about her Starfleet uniform and I'm just, the juices are flowing. I can't even pronounce words anymore. I'm feeling lightheaded, you know? Like that's it. It doesn't matter what she says. Nobody's even listening. They're just staring at her boobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her uniform is unique because it's kind of like velvety. Did you notice? It's like a different color. It's like a cat suit almost. Oh my God. Yeah. I bet you she smells amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, like a lot of people are like, oh, you know, Princess Leia and her metal bikini, that was like my, that was my first crush. For me, I was like, yeah, whatever, you know, Princess Leia and metal bikini, that's pretty cool. But man, it, Deanna Troye and close second Beverly Crusher every time. I don't know why it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck. Yeaah. No, Alicia Silverstone. And then who? Yeaah, Christina Applegate. She was pretty good too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a pretty good song. Cindy Crawford is fucking great though. Holy shit. You know what else is amazing too? Like Kate Moss, like in her heyday, but like Kate Moss is still like pretty good looking. She looks great, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you put her up with like a younger model now, she still like holds her own, which is, which is, you know, impressive actually. Cause she's like, she's like mid forties now. I think she's 42 or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she's from London, and P. Flax is from London.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lives in America. Yeah, those are like the two breakaway English guys, or well they were now. It's like, I guess James Corden is the new one, isn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever seen the carpool karaoke? It's pretty funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too early to feel this sexy though. That's usually like great afternoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah me too, when I wake up and I've got mustard stains all over my wife beater shirt. Do you feel sexy when you wake up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can almost smell the room, it's so picturesque.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. No, and she's like, get away from me. That's one thing I don't suffer from is bad breath in the morning. It's only in the morning. I have, I have very neutral breath at all times. No, I'm not a smelly person. I just don't have stinky breath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing I will say about me though is that I get really, really sweaty balls and those probably stink if you were to smell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even need alcohol and drugs to be a train wreck in the morning. Like it just comes so naturally to me. I'm like a fucking disaster area in the morning. At least my breath doesn't stink, but holy shit. Like, and the worst thing is now that I work in the garage, like I don't really do much about it. I kind of roll out of bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eat some Alpine and then just come out here, like stinking it up big time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My whole routine has changed, like I shower like around dinner time now instead of like first thing in the morning and stuff. Dinner time shower. Cause who fucking cares, you know, like I don't even go out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now the Spanish fleet just plays constantly in the background while I just mosey about my lazy ass day doing shit like all out of order and nobody likes me anymore because I'm lazy and a piece of shit. I just sit in my garage all day being angry at wow recently and now it's really depressing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but the thing is, I'm always like that at first, and then if I'm there for a couple of days, I'm like, wow, this would really do my head in after a while. Why? Like it would really grind me down. I don't know, like it's just being around too many people all the time, like it's just too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know, like I've worked in offices before and there's definitely a honeymoon period with offices. Okay, like you started an office and you're like, this is great, you know, everybody's good, everybody's really competent at their jobs and stuff and nice and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we, we don't, we don't want, we don't want chatters here. We want fucking seat warmers here. That's what we want. We don't want them talking to each other. You know, we got to make it look like we got a lot of people under us doing really important shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And even weirder when somebody bursts into the holodeck and they find out that you're actually having sex with virtual them and it's like, I didn't authorize that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never got the permission form for that one. You know, Ryker's just in there getting it on big time with like, Picard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's like the ultimate, ultimate Christmas movie, isn't it? Yeah, I love it. Always on around Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't really actually do much games com though, didn't you? You like, you went out into cologne and went to art galleries and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I saw Kibler play in that. He did a couple of sponsored streams of it, but he was saying that it's actually very good and he liked it. It's a bit Hearthstone-y, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well look at Battlefield 1. The Battlefield 1 Ultimate Pass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, but they're looking at models that work and, and, and then making versions of that that don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's microtransactions in Dota, you know, like there's microtransactions in WoW, and I think those models work well because they don't actually take away from the game. You get the full game. You're not paying for extra features in the game. You're just paying as a fan for cosmetic things that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it taps into this like, you know, traditional


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty lame. Yeah. I think like, the season pass thing as well, I think there's ways of doing that where it makes sense. You know, like Fallout 4 when it came out, you could get the season pass, right? And they gave you a vague idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, 2016 or something like that. If you get the season pass now, you get them all, like, you know, and all together it works out slightly cheaper if you're just gonna buy them all anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and, and that's, that's, that's a fair enough way of doing it. I think that that's, that's fine. But if you don't get the season pass, you just have the option of picking and choosing the DLC that you wanna get. And they vary. You know, in Fallout 4, there's, there's, there's DLC that's heavy on story, like one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's one coming out next week that again is like a new like area with story and factions and stuff. And it's, you know, you probably get a lot more value out of that. You know, some of the season pass stuff where it's like, you could get exclusive access to a new map two weeks before anyone else and stuff. And it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really dumb, like it just, it just seems so fucking half-baked, like, I don't know. I don't agree with that at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been playing Fallout a lot. I've been playing, I started playing Hearthstone a lot again, recently as well. Been enjoying it though. Not like playing it the way I used to, just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just fucking around and having a good time. I'd play like five or six games a day. It's pretty nice. I don't like get too angry except for like when there's like a tremendous amount of bullshit involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause wasn't, wasn't the actual, like uhm, the, the roster of heroes used in TI, like, wasn't it like, like 125 out of 140 heroes were used or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's impressive, yeaah. I haven't played Dota for months. Geez, I'm kinda tempted to play it, but I don't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, Chum. Uhm, I'm good. I'm really good, thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dad sent the letter and actually thought maybe you shouldn't read it because he was being really derogatory towards me. We just had a fight and there was an emotional outpour in the letter. Did you read it? He was calling me flop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've taken it to a higher level now. If you've set such a bar, the next person who has to do an intro is gonna really struggle, I think. I have to do it in Japanese, the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. Ah, konnichiwa!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. I've been sick for like four years, constantly. Like, it's just the way that it goes. You just always feel like shit, health-wise. I'll be okay. I've had a bit of a C this morning, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't need to, we'll just keep it going, it's fine. You know, they don't just pause.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Starship Enterprise in space when Data has to like go to his room and cry a bit or whatever because he's developing his emotions? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole, the crew come together, teamwork, makes the dream work, and the shit keeps going. So, p-flax, don't worry about it. You gotta go downstairs and you gotta like put away your groceries or whatever, just take your fucking time. Because you know what? There's two guys,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first thing I thought was like, holy shit, she's a fan of the podcast. I can't believe it. Like my wife thinks that we're a bunch of fucking goons, but like your wife maybe thinks that we're cool dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm gonna say dinosaur chicken as well, cause you got kids and like, that's pretty staple I think. Some sort of fun shaped meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna guess a, either a refrigerated or a frozen pizza is gonna be in there as well. And, and another one for me, I'm gonna guess that somewhere in there is going to be some cider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think only really posh people get like the pre-mixed carton stuff because it's like kind of expensive, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Serial variety pack. I missed some of those. My, um, I disconnected from Discord for sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm gonna say that somewhere in there, there's gonna be a variety pack of chips, like potato chips. Like crisps? Okay. Yeah, like the little grab bags of like, you know, walkers or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cabbage. There's gonna be a cabbage in there somewhere too. Boiling cabbage. Old people love to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is she, is she a dessert sharer as well? Like, do you get that? Do you get, like, uh, is there an old person in your family who orders a dessert when you go to a restaurant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you wanna do is fuckin' eat dessert, right? Like, my son, we- we put like pasta in front of him, we put like nice-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, mashed potatoes and like greens and stuff and like all this really good stuff and like you won't touch it. It doesn't matter what you say to him or whatever, he's just like not interested at all. But then if you put like a cake in front of him, it's gone in like 2.5 seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just wants to eat chocolate all the time. He wants to have like a candy necklace and like a candy ring and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, you know, fair enough. I mean, I wish I could still do that. I would just be crippled with like heartburn and, you know, diabetes and whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what you mean. It's like, it's, it's, it's a pretty weird one, but getting kids to eat stuff in general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the older you get, your taste buds change too, right? Like, I used to be really fussy when I was younger, I'd only eat certain things, but now I eat anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, when I'm hungry, I'm just fucking hungry, like I haven't eaten for a while, sort of thing, because if you're busy or whatever, you lose track, or you go out, or something, and you just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would eat it, because I'm so hungry. Like, I'm just, I'm ready to go sort of thing. I'm not saying I would enjoy it, but I would still eat it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not only that, I would leave a little tiny bit at the end. I wouldn't completely clear my plate, because apparently that's good manners too, in some cultures. What, leaving a bit? Yea, leaving a little tiny bit is like good manners apparently. I know, I know, in China it's uh, it's kind of a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it should. I don't know why there's so much discrimination against farting. I mean, it's essentially the same thing. Yeah, but so does burping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but it's pretty satisfying, right? When you smell one of your own, you're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, okay. She says. Yeaah. And then so I say, Grandma?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I trudged all the way out here with my snowshoes and my pet polar bear to tell you that uhm, man I really like Wayne Gretzky. Like I just think that this guy is a great hockey player, he's really good, you know, he's done some great things, uhm, I was reading about him and stuff and my grandma turns around to me in her


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gingerbread log cabin with the comical voice that Lewis just did and she says, you know what? That's great. It's really great to admire somebody and look up to them. But you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now imagine them sitting on the can taking a shit. And I was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? And then I imagine Wayne Gretzky sitting there, pants around his ankles, you know, reading the paper or like farting around on his iPad or whatever, taking his shit. And I thought, I get it. You know what? They're just people. All these people that you look up to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do all the same shit that you and me do in their spare time, right? Like take a shit. Sometimes they make like really smelly farts. Sometimes they throw up involuntarily on the bus. You know, other times they trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know though, it has the reverse effect. Somebody that you really dislike or somebody who's really evil, you just imagine them, you know, like, they're not being particularly evil in that context, right? They're sitting there struggling to like wipe their ass like for the 50th time because they've taken a particularly bad shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, he's like trying to enslave the human race or whatever, but right now, he's just struggling like any other guy, taking a bad shit and just, you know, trying to get out of that bathroom as soon as possible to go back and play WoW or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They ran out of Anusol and his online order, they gave him a replacement which didn't do the trick and, you know, you just think, oh poor guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if it was like a family thing or like a generational thing, but I got the feeling that, you know, their idea of kids like, like my grandma was really nice. She was really, really great. She was like, she would always like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get me cool stuff, like on my birthday and for Christmas and stuff. Anytime she'd visit, I'd be like super excited and stuff. I got on really well with her. I used to like spend my, like Canada day, there were like fireworks and stuff. I'd go sleep at her house and watch fireworks and stuff. It was really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She came from a generation where I think that kids were like, uhm, you know, seen and not heard sort of thing. And I think it was like, one of those things where it was considered kind of funny to like, troll kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, if, if that's possible back then sort of thing, cause like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just get the feeling that she was always sort of like trolling me a bit. Like, you know, with like the taking a shit thing or whatever. But like not in like a super mean way. Like I think she just found it a little bit funny or whatever. I don't know. Maybe she was like ahead of her time in that sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never like, I never took it as, as that she was bitter. I was just, I think she was just like joking around and having fun, sort of like at my expense or whatever. And it was pretty funny, I was old enough to realize that. I wasn't like super young at the time. Oh, there's the door! Good luck gentlemen!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, do we have to? No, I don't think we should. You know what, I think we should talk about instead. Bluff. I don't even know, but yeah, maybe, but like, no, I don't want to talk about death at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dying or the thought of death is like, holy shit, like I do not want to die. You know, like I still have a lot of things I want to do. I still have a lot of things I want to experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're older, I think, yea, especially if you're riddled with like health problems and stuff, you probably, I would imagine that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like me thinking about this in my own terms, I would probably be pretty fed up. And I think, you know, if you're not able to enjoy life and you're not enjoying life and you're quite elderly and you're plagued with like health problems or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you do get to the point where you're like, yeah, it's time for me to go, you know, like this, this will never get better. You know, I'm never going to be able to do the things that I used to do that I used to have fun doing or whatever. And like, it's a sad thing to think about, right? Like that somebody could be ready to die. But I think that like your brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe sort of convinces you that that's the case, sort of thing, cause like, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but like, like, older people, when they get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, to the point where, you know, like, it seems like older people could one minute be living by themselves, totally self-sufficient, be quite happy, just doing the stuff that they've done all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they get, they get a little bit sick and maybe hospitalized because of that, because they're very fragile. And then they almost just give up and die pretty much. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, would have been like, imagine like his wife got home and there was just a bag of like rubbery defrosted oven chips like sitting on the counter. How depressing would that be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a melted ice tub of Ben and Jerry. Oh man, man, it's just like slowly leaking all over the counter. Like, I thought it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get out the carpet and stuff. See, that's the kind of shit I'm talking about though. You make like a big boob like that and you get to the end of the day and you're like, fuck, what have I done? Like maybe I'm just ready to go now. Maybe like I'm ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all wilted away. We'll never be able to make like a Caesar salad now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, how do I recover from this? Maybe I can't. And that's it. You're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're ready to go. Your brain convinces you that now's the time. You've done everything. You've done the best you can, but you, you fucked up big time at the end there with Ben and Jerry. Hey, what's up? Welcome back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aha, man, your household sounds-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be a reddit picture of this where it's like, one jar says Katie, one says Billy, one says Fiona, and then one says asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But all the fish are made of chocolate though, that's the catch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how many, I mean, of the things that Lewis has thought were gonna be on the list, how many ticks has he got? Cause I'm saying none.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me guess, there's a big ol' box of Weetabix in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like hit and miss sometimes, and then other times it's like, yeah, man, I'm, we're feeling fresh and loose, let's just buy 20 bags of variety crisps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not eat Nutella with one's finger, Portia!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] P-flax, your cupboards sound a lot like my cupboards. And your freezer. Fridge, freezer. I mean, you sound like you got pretty much all the same shit I got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got like, uh, we've got like some like ultra healthy peanut butter, like it's like organic peanut butter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And man, it gets like, all the oil kinda like seeps to the top. So when you open it up, it's like really oily, you gotta mix it all up. I kinda like it though, cause when you're mixing it all up, you can smell the peanut butter and it just gets you ready for like, fucking peanut butter toast. Oh man, this is really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find it the ultimate dad thing. If I go in the kitchen, I'm like, man, I'm hungry. Peanut butter toast every time. Like, I'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three or four slices of that shit. I go big when I go peanut butter toast. I love it. It's really good. And quick too, right? It requires basically no effort. Especially if you have a toaster that can do four things at once. You're like, yeah, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had my toaster set the other day, okay? This is crazy. So we have the four pop toaster. Okay. And I had the dials set to like three because I like a crispy toast. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I had the dials set to three, but I didn't realize. That's how you like, that's how I like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a one to five, so it's like, it's like on the crispy side, okay? So I had them set to three, and you constantly have to reset them, because my wife sets them to like one, so it's like barely toasted or whatever, and that's just her thing. But I like my shit toasted. So I pop the toast down, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I wait a couple of minutes cause it, you know, at three it takes like a couple minutes or whatever. So I was like off doing something else. I think I was like just like washing some dishes quick or whatever. And then the toast popped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both popped at the exact same time and I heard a beep at the exact same time. And I was like, oh, that's weird. Like, what's that beep sound? I don't know. So I get the toast out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and this, this, this time specifically,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They both popped at like the exact same time. Same millisecond. Yeah. Okay. Very unusual. Very unusual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this happens and I'm like, oh whatever, you know, I eat my toast and do a couple of things. I come back into the kitchen maybe like half an hour later and like open up the fridge and there's no light. I was like, the fuck, like has the fucking fridge light gone? Like I can't believe it. And then like I tried to put on the kettle, fucking didn't work or whatever. It's like, what the shit? Like half of the kitchen is without power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the fu- it was the fucking toaster, the double pop at the same time tripped the fucking switch for like that side of the kitchen. It was crazy, I couldn't believe it. And the beeping sound was the fucking bottle maker for the baby powering down. It's like, it had never been powered down before or whatever. And it was like, beep! And like, and that affected it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, washing machine is, is probably on that, that switch, but it wasn't on at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, dishwasher maybe. It's really weird, like, cause the oven has a clock on it, but the oven isn't on that switch, cause the clock was still intact, you know? Like, that's usually the first sign that, like, you've lost power, right? You see the stupid fucking digital clock on your oven blinking. That's right. Because it's tripped or whatever, but it wasn't affected, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It had to have been the toaster, okay? I don't care what you guys say, I'm gonna stick with the double pop of the toaster. And it's so rare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well I'll try, but it's impossible to get that double pop, like especially when you want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but maybe it's like that constant like one minute it's using a lot of power and then the next minute it's using none sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't fucking know. I'm not an electrician. All I'm saying is that that's the only thing that happened. So it had to be the cause. Unless, like, maybe somebody threw a fucking EMP into my house without me realizing it. And then that caused half of my kitchen to lose power or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but like, you can't count Lewis's opinion on anything. He's so jaded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am uhm, I'm a broken man. He's a broken jaded man. And he's at that point in his life where he's pretty accepting that he's done. And like if the Grim Reaper showed up today and was like, Lewis, you're done. He'd be like, yeah, take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't bullshit on that. See the problem with Grim Reaper is I read this thing on Reddit about the Grim Reaper and I mean this guy is not what he says he is at all and here's a million reasons why. And then somehow talking about financials and the pools and stuff in there as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a fucking great game, man. I've also been playing Rust a lot this week. I joined Perion for a bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Checked out the orc's nest and stuff, it was very impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then I went off on their server to try to, to build my own place. I wanted to like build my own house and just go through like the, the throws of rust sort of thing and it was pretty challenging. I got killed a few times, I killed a few naked people, it was pretty fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I switched server completely and went off on my own to try to like, you know, make my, my own little kingdom or whatever. I recorded that as well, posted a video of it. And uhm, apparently like two hours later, everybody had seen the video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People went on, found my house, fucking blew it to smithereens, killed me, stole all my shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. But yeaah, Rust is great, I've been playing it a lot. I've been playing that a lot this week, and I've been playing Hyper Light Drifter, which I picked up too, which is very fun, so far. It's really weird and confusing, but it's like, very pixel-y sort of, uhm, I guess it's like, a bit like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, binding of Isaac in the sense that it's sort of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like uhm, sort of minimalist isometric sort of thing. You have like a bit of health or whatever and you have to dodge things and you know, figure out patterns of stuff attacking you or whatever. It's a little bit unforgiving, can be a bit hard. And you sort of progress through these like areas of this map and get to bosses and collect keys and stuff. It's pretty fun actually. It's nice. I like it. I would recommend it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so sorry. I'm thinking about how to pronounce GIF and GIF all the while too, so that you can team up on me again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just having a little toodaloo to each other. Anyway, Hyper Light Drifter is pretty good. It's pretty fun. It's nice looking too if you like pixels and pixel animation and art and stuff. And it's fun. You just go around and chop things with a sword and you get a gun and stuff. It's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to try and pick up Dark Souls. People said it's good. Too hard. Yeah, so that's officially out this week. It just came out like two days ago or whatever. By the time this podcast comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that sounds cool actually. I'll, I'll, I'll check it out. I like the break, the sound of Breaking Mad and that sounds pretty good. It's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I have not played a Madden game for so long. Like I think the last time I played a Madden game was like Madden 95 or something. It was like a long ass time ago. But apparently now the graphics and stuff are like, like fucking hyper realistic and they get all like that.