[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it tongue-in-cheek like it's a lifetime movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, now you got breakfast. You know what else is cheap? Eggs. They are. Yeah. Yeah, but the other's free. That's all I've been eating, just free. Saltines aren't free. You can't go into a diner and just pick up an egg off a table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I looking up? I thought you would go to like, uh, a fact checker. Or like something that- Is it Snopes? Yea, who answers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, what it is. Ridge wallets. Ridge wallets is back. That's right. And they're not going anywhere. No they're not. Except for in your front pocket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a Ridge Wallet story. Okay. I was at Subway, getting, uh, a wrap. Uhm, because only we're at a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chicken, rotisserie chicken with spinach and pepper jack cheese and guacamole and the guajillo sauce. And the guy who was taking my money, he said, hey, what is that thing? And I said, it's my wallet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable! Yeah, they're the future. They really are. No, but hey. The Saints. Yeah, thank you Ridge Wallets for sponsoring this podcast. And hey, if you're in the market for a fancy new wallet, go check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for asking. Alright, you're welcome. I'm done today. Hey. I'm good. Guess who made their debut appearance?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Niebz Gaming in some fashion. Me. Finally. No. Niebz Dog, Harley. Oh, Harley. Ohhh, guess who didn't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? Bear. Bear's- Bear's been on Nieb's game plenty of times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, uh, Harley was on our Instagram page wearing the NiebzGaming collar that Jet City Rascal sent us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go Alex. It may have been Duralius' old one. I can get you a better one. Cause it came from Duralius and it's probably got like, all sorts of juices on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm trying to work out a deal where we can actually get some 4k Elgato capture card.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well I'll go next. If that's okay. Of course it is. Do we need to talk about another sponsor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at Subway, right, right, and uh, the guy taking my money, he looked down, he's like, hey, what's going on with those things? What are those? And I said, oh, they're socks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I sounded like Jerry Seinfeld there. Where do I go to find these socks? That's pretty good. That's pretty good Jerry. So I told him where he could get them, and the link's in the description, but if you want me to say it, it's Tribesocks.com forward slash products forward slash Neebs Gaming Green.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So who has comments next? Oh, I have comments and they're from the Subway guys. Nope. Take me home country roads music video. That turned out really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, uh, making that and then adding you guys in. Everybody sang on it! I know. That was a blast! Simon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know Tom Gates? Uh, yea, I went to school with him. Yea? Yea. Well, he left a comment. Okay. He says, I gotta say that I'm very impressed and I have to get something off my chest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never commented in one of your videos, so here goes. I'm extremely impressed with Simon and his new positive outlook on life. Simon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It actually feels like you care about what you're doing now and it's definitely reflecting on your work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our next comment from the same video is Addy. As always, incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of all the channels I watch, Neebs Gaming is the only channel I feel puts effort and love in their videos. I don't just feel like a subscriber, I feel like I'm part of the Neebs Gaming family. Your videos are amazing, keep up the fantastic work. And that's the thing, look,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get, I get really really passionate about this. I don't like saying fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like saying community, I like saying family because once you're in, we're not letting you out. Just try to leave us. It's like a cult. Yep. Can you help us move?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should have a thing though that, that people identify like, this is a thing you do in the Neibs gaming cult. Like wear some sort of a cool robe. Or like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's not too bad. Next comment, same video, is from Tony. Says, God, I wish y'all would sing more. Love you guys. Well, I'm glad you wished for that, because you're gonna get it. Whether you like it or not. Cause we're gonna do more songs. They love making music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys are, are way better editors than I am. What I can do well is make music. Yes. And so if it works for the channel and people like it, I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm still gonna like, you know, cut videos poorly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and just, yeaah, bash my head into my computer trying to make something good out of shitty battlefield footage, but hey, more music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would say the song itself, that song took me like no time, six hours total for everything. Really? Yeah. Everything. Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was quick. Yeah, that was, the thing that takes me the longest to do is the drums, actually. So it probably took me an hour to do the drums because I have to map it out with this program called Superior Drummer 3 and uhm, that was it. The guitar part was easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a very easy song to play. Um, and then having you guys sing on it and then throwing it together, mixing it. Yeah. About six hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that I wouldn't, I couldn't throw something like that together. I couldn't throw something like that together in three hours and I would want to experiment with some of the other plugins. No, I would want to make it great, not good. And it would take me some time because I've never done anything like that as far as scoring. Why don't you try? Because I'm busy making songs that mean something to people. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, Simon's singing the next song, whether he likes it or not. See? You son of a bitch, don't sass me! See, okay!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I'm making songs, I'm not scoring, I'm not scoring stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that our next comment? Yeah. Uh, same video. Uh, he's got a great spelling error in here. Okay. He says, I love this dong so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to tell my dad that one. He's going to like that. Uh, next comment is from Alcatraz. That guy on the internet says, this sounds like if God and John Denver snorted a fat line of coke. That's pretty accurate. That's what our song sounds like. Yeah, that's interesting. Yep. So, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Denver and God just hanging out doing coke. He's just, and you know, cause John Denver is hanging out with God right now. He has passed and I betcha God was like, Hey John, come here. Did you hear, you know what I've always wanted to see you do? I've always wanted you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I found on the web for was John Denver a cokehead. She said it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen people on cocaine fight and it's like, it's not like fighting them when they're not on cocaine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they fight quite different. Well I'm sure, you're a raging bull. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An old friend of mine contacted me the other day, we were big Beavis and Butthead fans, and I guess- I was too. Mike Judge has a new show out called, uhm, I think it's like Tales from the Tour Bus? Okay. And it's animated, he animates it, and he's talking about these, like, different artists, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like Rick James and all sorts of people, but uhm, it's Cinemax. I haven't checked it out yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are episodes. I don't know how long they are, but they seem like they're fairly long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] George Clinton, Rick James, there's two Rick James episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I should know about this. North Ridgeville is right next to Elyria, where I grew up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, oh, okay, I didn't know. There were plenty of skunks around there. I had a dog that got sprayed by a skunk several times. Uhm, and yeaah, you'd always, uh, smell, you know, any roadkill that was there. I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom had a, my mom had a pig as a pet when she was growing up and I said well, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell me about it. He's like, well, we had a, it was very small and then it grew and then, uh, and we killed it and ate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ask her how it tasted? No, but they named it. Oh, they named it. I forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy hopes he wins. I got Penny here dressed up as a clown!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually worked at an art gallery in Santa Monica and, you know, we saw a lot of interesting things come in. Uhm, two in particular that I thought were cool. Well, one was just, one was cool. Uhm, these guys in Cincinnati, they had a machine that could actually heat up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, metal. Large, large pieces of metal or iron. What they would take, it was a machine, they would heat up, um, sections of railroad ties, and then they would twist them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, make them into these sculptures, the sculptures. Yeah. But then like put this really, really like glossy paint over it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] would find paintings of landscapes, just regular paintings of landscapes and then paint in his own atomic clouds into these sceneries


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, it was interesting seeing like, what people would come in with, what went for what, and that was actually the art gallery where I played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or actually held it because it was strung backwards, uh, Jimi Hendrix guitar. It was being auctioned off there. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, yeah, you wanna, you wanna hold it? I was like, no! How much do you think this thing's gonna sell for? He's like, eh, a couple hundred thousand. I was like, yeah, I don't wanna hold it. He's like, nah, it'll be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I held it and I held Jimi Hendrix guitar. That sounds cheap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, I didn't see that coming. I don't remember ever. Would you do that? I don't, I never, I don't remember that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we've only played that one level, but I already like it way much more than Battlefront 1. Just because of like how, I love the hero system, the hero system's fixed. The hero system didn't work at all for me in Battlefront 1.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you just buy them with points you earn. It's like perfect. Yeah. So much easier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you had- I felt like Walker Assault. I mean, Walker Assault was kinda that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you stay on book, you end up like Jesse Wellens, poor guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. To me, I, man, I wish they would like, you know, get rid of a lot of these speakers. I mean, some of them are fine, but I, you know, just show me the games. Just get to the games. Like, I mean, I get they want to come out there and say things, but anytime like, uh, anyone gets up there and just starts talking on board. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I'm usually, I'm nowhere near interested in a Need for Speed game, but this one actually looked like stupid fun. It looked like they had, they brought a little, uh, Burnout 3 into it. When you wreck the cars and it goes in that slow-mo, that intrigued me. I usually have zero interest in a Need for Speed game, but for once I'm kinda like, I wouldn't mind trying that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and go underwater, yeah. I mean, the exploration looks neat. I'm curious, you know, I don't know how the final game's gonna be. I guess it looks like either Destiny or The Division, something like that. I mean, I hope the enemies just don't turn into bullet sponges. I hate that, I hate it so much. I hope there's like an end game there that's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I hope not. And also, like, I feel like games like that have like a cool world and a cool story that never gets resolved. Like Destiny, I couldn't tell you what Destiny was about. I really don't fucking know, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, but I beat it. Like, that's the thing, I was like, I got to the end of the game. I know, that's the thing, the end of the game was like, hey kids, buy the DLC, and I'm like, fuck you. Like, I don't want that, I want to get to an end that's like, okay, we've wrapped up this story, and now, oh, maybe we can have a sequel with the same characters and we can continue on, but wrap up what the fuck you're trying to tell me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing that really, like, Master Chief sticks out. Yea, even he looks gen- like, if he were to come out today though, he'd look generic. Of course. Like, I think he stuck out at the time. But then everyone's kinda done that Master Chief design since then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gross. I don't want to get in that. Yeah, okay, go by yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, Anthem does look cool, I'm excited about that. Outside of EA play, what did you guys see that got you a boner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I hope it's, I hope it's good. It's, uh, it's Microsoft, uhm, and it's Rare, which Rare has, uh, they did a lot of Kinect games recently. It's taken forever!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, Sea of Thieves? Yeaah. That's a good thing, I think. Yeaah. Yeaah, it was on E3 last year. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I don't mind a game taking a while, that means hopefully they're putting a lot into it, and it's gonna be good. So, but yeaah, Sea of Thieves caught my eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the setting, the setting's interesting. That's very intriguing to me. It's ballsy on Ubisoft's part, but very, what's ballsy about it? Well, it's just kind of like the middle America. I mean, usually they set these games like, you know, in some third world country or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fuck yeah. Yep. Spider-Man. I'm interested in Spider-Man. Spider-Man looks awesome. Insomniac doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slingshot. Yeaah. Yeaah, or like the old one, spider, I mean, everyone always goes to Spider-Man 2 because it honestly had the best swinging system, but if you did the double, it would just attach to a building and you could hang there. And then, oh, you could let one go and then swing that way. It was really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great. Anything else? Simon, what did you see that you were really interested in, game-wise? The new Mario? The new Mario looks awesome! Does it? Yea, it really does. I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was a lot of fun. I guess the big, the big gimmick with this one is his hat. You can take his hat and, oh there's an enemy, take your hat and throw it on top of the enemy, and now you can control the enemy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they make good games with that character. The character doesn't need to be anything because it's basically you representing that character. You control the actions of that character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a new one? Yeaah. They put a God of War trailer out last year. I saw the old one. Yeaah, well no, this is still, this is the new God of War. I'm not, it's like they're going Logan with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it feels, it doesn't feel like, I associate the God of War games, you remember the one we played, with just big crazy action. And they seem to have lost that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, oh shit, it's Kratos. Oh, and he has a kid now. I should run. Yeah, I'm not gonna try to fight him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that was great. No, I was happy that people from the community showed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was the same night that he ended up staying out until 4am. So this was pre when he came back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you could have thrown a, I could have thrown a baseball and hit it. I remember, yeah, watching the sunset from up there made me very happy. I love it. I'm a woman sometimes, I love a good sunset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just like put my hand on his back like, whoa, hey man, I'm getting by ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it mostly for playing music and also asking what the temperature is outside. It's just a Siri. Is that it though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love being able to walk into my house though and just going, Alexa, play Pandora. And boop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's Alexa probably just started playing their Pandora radio that's listening to this. It has one in their house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like in, uh, South Park when they had all those devices. Yeah, Cartman had set it up where, like, he would tell Siri to do something, then Siri would talk to Google, and Google would talk to the Alexa. Like, this is a big chain of just these devices telling each other to cuss. It was fun. They'd pass the buck. It was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a few years out, uh, for sure, but I would like to see where it goes. They released a tech demo not too long ago, uhm, they basically made a planet, it's all procedurally generated, but it looks like Coruscant from the Star Wars films, like it's a city planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it looks really cool and the tech behind it is really, I mean, you can, you know, fly right down to the streets and then zoom back up to space and the city just looks like it's covered in lights. But you need a $14,000 computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kinda reminds me of like where Ark was like 5 or 6 years ago, where it's like, oh this is game out, looks kinda cool, you can ride Raptors and T-Rexes, that could be something, and then you look at it now, all the dinosaurs and all the things they've added.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, internet. I'll look it up. But yeah, I'm looking forward to see where Star Citizen ends up, but I think it's several years from being- It's a bull-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does it pull you? Yeah. So it pulls you along.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause yeah, it would be fun to like, yeah, grapple on and now you're, you're riding this thing. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's no timeline, would you, like the GTA videos sometimes take a week and a half to produce. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I should, I should read, uh, it's kind of related, I have a comment that's very similar on, uh, the Sharks in Recreation one where I guess you left, there was like a piece of tech gear in one of the chests that you didn't grab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the movie where, like, no matter what you do, you're gonna die? Nope. Or am I wrong in that? Nope, that's, uh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, it's like, you have to choose a response, and when I played the game, like, I would be like, you know, question him a little bit, and then he was just like, come on, like, I was always frustrated, like, I would never do what this character does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I feel like is, uh, like, you know, that one neighborhood ran into with the mansions was pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like wherever we move, there could be our houses, but we have like the one place, like we have the, this is the, the, where we retreat to. This is the horde night, like a common area. Yeah. Where we all go and like this is where we survive the night. That way our houses don't get damaged because the zombies won't attack the houses. They'll go for the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I got a comment here from, uh, Mason Sanford who says, do a review on Mario Odyssey because I really like this review. This was from my Shadow of War review.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, Nintendo doesn't like YouTube content creators, uh, what they want you to do is you have to sign up through their MCN to even, like, produce content and make money from it. Meh. And yeah, fuck that. Because yes, Nintendo, I would love to review your games, but you make it too hard! And you love the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I held the tablet in my hand. Yeaah, I didn't bother like setting the tablet up on like in front of me. Because you can attach the controllers to the sides of the screen. I just played that way. It works great. But yeaah, I'm very impressed with that system. Just the mobility of it. It's very nice. I don't like, I have to buy a charger. You have to buy their charger of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean the Switch, well now the Switch is getting a lot more attention just because they had those good first party games. Yeaah. Uh, the Switch sold Buku's, so now they're like, Doom's going to the Switch, Wolf and Star, like a lot of uh, Skyrim? Yeaah. A lot of good games are going to the Switch, which is great. Nintendo needed a badass system like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good for you Nintendo, but you know, hey, get your shit together when it comes to YouTube content creators, would ya?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, come on. Uhm, this is a content also on the shadow of wuuh review, uh, that says great review and I stand behind you 100% on the whole loot box thing. It's a horribly efficient way to get young people addicted to gambling. Thank you for your comment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, all it's gonna take is like, you know, a couple of kids, and this has happened already in the mobile space, but it's gonna just take a couple of kids to get a hold of their parent's credit card and just buy the shit out of these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just one of those things I want parents for sure to be more aware of it. It's like, yeah, there's a system in here where, you know, little Johnny fuck up can buy more things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, like, if, if these systems are in there, does that mean, okay, now this game's automatic, automatically have to be rated T for Teen? Yeah. Or M for Mature? They should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my vote. That's just kind of the argument. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, I think T for teen is a reasonable, like, that's middle of the road. You have to at least be a teenager to understand, like, yes, these are chance systems that you're paying to. Does anyone look at those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, it's an interesting, it's like, I, I, I get the industry perspective of like, you know, these games cost so much money now to produce that we, you know, we're trying to make a return. And it works. Yeaah, it works. But at the same time, it's like, if you make a good game, people are gonna buy the shit out of it. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like Zelda, like I mean Zelda needed to sell like 2 million copies to be successful. That's a lot of copies. It's a huge risk when it comes to a publisher. But they made a good enough game where everyone was like, I gotta play it. And it sold 3.7 million copies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I mean, people are willing to play a really, really good game. They're willing to buy a console. So I mean, I don't buy the argument that it's like, you know, oh, we have to put these in the games because, you know, it's the only way to make money now to recoup our investment. No, the way you do it is you make a good fucking game that people want to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Xbox One X? Yeah, it's a stupid title. It is, but- Really bizarre branding. It kinda reminds me of the Wii U. Like, what is it? Is it another-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know if they were just trying to chase that 4K thing. It's like, oh, 4K is the latest thing. It's like, we gotta beef up our systems. We gotta make a more expensive system for the nutters out there. It's like, oh, I gotta show off my 4K monitor to my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are definitely a lot of people. I enjoyed the conversation too. Let's stop. Let's talk about Linenmore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Matthew Frazzetto, uh, left a comment. This was on the Ark episode, uh, Sharks and Recreation. Uh, that said, Never thought I would see the day that Simon saves Neebs multiple times in one episode. Simon, you were the hero. Lifeguard Simon. At that episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is also on the same, uh, video said, uh, Digicide says, uh, guys, I need to know, I'm begging you, how do you do those amazing effects when one of you is in the distance? I mean, literally what are the settings? Please good sirs, inquiring minds must know. So I'm guessing this guy might be an editor and he's looking for some tips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you're in like a cave or something, some reverb. So delay and reverb are the two tools. Depending on your environment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, behind a door. What do you do for the underwater? That's a low pass. Low pass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we have Bluehost and support for the show is brought to you by them. And I'm going to talk about Dollar Shave Club right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They make their own high quality personal grooming products for your hair, face and skin. Dollar Shave Club has all of your bathroom needs delivered to your door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] body cleanser, butt wipes, and a month of their best razor for just five bucks. After that, replacement cartridges ship for just a few bucks a month. Don't miss out. Get your starter set for just five bucks today exclusively at dollarshaveclub.com slash Neebs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's dollarshaveclub.com slash Neebs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Dollar Shave Club. Yeah, I just signed up with them. Oh. Oh, see, there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they get crazy views in a short amount of time with very minimal effort and, and it's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] InsaneWarlord00 says Simon should have his own series where he plays games without help from the rest of you, and he has to review it.


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[Assistant] I think that if you love me, you love me. No, you think that the more people would see me, they'd be like, my god, I hate him so much.


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[Assistant] So uh, Jackson Hawkins, all of my comments are commenting on comments from last week. Jackson Hawkins says, the first Neibs gaming was a scrap


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[Assistant] Uh, Jacob, uh, Jacob Heller says, Hey Neves, are you going to play and games, I'm sorry, are you going to play and games like Overwatch or Destiny 2? Sorry. Well, it's, it's hard cause it's not words.


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[Assistant] Well, he's running for office. Alright. He's running for this office. Make Niebz Gaming great again.


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[Assistant] Uh, Pierre Lascoff says, guys, I know you're working really hard on getting this new 7 Days to Die content out, but is there any way you could just tell us it's too difficult to make cinematic videos with and instead do Empyrean? Thanks. Nope, they're coming along great.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's been an unpopular choice here at least half the time for me. I understand why you want to do it.


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[Assistant] Piggy Plays says, which one of you guys are the, and then in parentheses, another way to say donkey of the group? Donkey. And get into more arguments because they are punny as fuck. Play Terraria.


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[Assistant] Mhm. My wife still thinks I'm a carpenter.


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[Assistant] Speaking of good jobs, good job to Bluehost for sponsoring us. Yeah, that is a good move, Bluehost. Probably the best career move they could have made. Ever. Let me tell you about them.


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[Assistant] Bluehost is a top rated website provider that powers over 2 million websites. It has everything you need to build the website you've always wanted and gives you the freedom to design your website the way you want to design it without being limited by templates.


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[Assistant] It's simple enough for beginners and powerful enough for even the most advanced users. And with fully customizable templates and third party app support, you get total flexibility and control.


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[Assistant] Plus with a 99% uptime guarantee and automated updates, it's truly reliable and offers maximum security including malware monitoring and protection and automatic secure WordPress installs.


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[Assistant] Not to mention with Bluehost 24x7 tech support, online resources, and expert services, you'll have all the help you need to succeed and save time.


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[Assistant] Bluehost is the best tool to build, host, and manage your website. And it's been the top recommended WordPress host on WordPress.org since 2005.


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[Assistant] And now our listeners save 50% when you sign up at Bluehost.com slash NeebsCast. That's Bluehost.com slash NeebsCast. Thank you, Bluehost.


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[Assistant] Oh, uh, you know what, I forgot one of my comments. Hold on a second. Uuuuh. He already clapped for you. Yea, I know.


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[Assistant] Will you just let me try to get this? Uh, Ryan Romero says, I like the more genuine adventures where they get into spontaneous moments versus the staged videos like this one. And this was on Birdpocalypse, you know, our staged video.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and we'll have like today on our schedule, we've got pickups. I know you record stuff and then you go, you know what, for this transition to work, I'm going to need a line from Neeb saying this because... So that technically is a script. That is, well yeaah.


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[Assistant] Listen, a lot of kids look at stupid stuff. I mean, it's probably really good for little kids. Why not?


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[Assistant] Those were always part of the mod videos we did and I don't know if it would feel out of place. Well guess what? I read your comments cause you emailed them to me. Right. And then it made me think of the video that I'm editing right now. There's a part where you guys are going up the ladder cause you're about to go and, and, and shoot people off of the top of the building.


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[Assistant] I know, and then next week I'll be like, ah, maybe I want to do it. It's like a very severe mental problem.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I know what it feels like. When I came to the office the other day, you were in panic mode. You don't even know what real panic mode is. That's like panic mode super light for me. Right, but it's still panic mode.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's th- I don't understand, cause it seems like- Yeah, I'm confused. Yeah, cause it must be another planet. No, it's- it's-


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[Assistant] Fuck him, right? Like I don't understand why, I mean like he's there for a reason, but has he done anything for anyone here when it comes down to being entertained?


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[Assistant] I've been on a phone. You don't have time to punctuate when you're on a phone. You're right, you're right, you're right.


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[Assistant] Just like, yeaah. Or the fall asleep in the back seat and their eyes are wide open. Watching my daughter sleep is pretty funny sometimes. Yeaah. She'll fall asleep on the couch. Yeaah. Like before I go to bed. Yeaah. She'll just toss, turn, throw her leg up. She's dead asleep.


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[Assistant] I just re-read that comment and it's not my fault I didn't understand it.


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[Assistant] We're hitting the 900 mark. What are we gonna do for a thousandth video? Are we gonna make that a thing? Do people do things?


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[Assistant] Hey, you know what? I'll get mine. I'll get mine going. Are you going? Yeah. Hey, print out mine.


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[Assistant] Basically, when we play GTA, I can, uh, Rockstar has a built-in editor. I can hit F1 and record whatever we're doing. Uh, when I do that, I can hop back into that footage and then pick whatever camera angle I want. Move the camera and do all kinds of stuff. It's pretty much the best thing ever, isn't it? It's awesome. I wish every game had that tool. Yeaah. It's amazing.


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[Assistant] Uh, the reason for that distance was on rock stars in, because if you go far enough and you know, you can, you can see behind you a lot of the times it doesn't render a good distance behind you. So you'll see cars disappear. And if like people are running the, they're, they're like not fully animated, but for getting wide shots and things, it's great. There you go.


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[Assistant] I tried to watch, uhm, the original Star Wars with my daughter, and the only version I had was my neighbor's blu-ray. But as soon as it got to the part where he added all that CG shit, my daughter goes, that looks fake daddy.


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[Assistant] And shout out to our Patreons because that went way better than any of us expected. You guys are fucking awesome.


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[Assistant] Sure, uh, this is from CBent182 that says, uh, it's from our GTA video, Simon doesn't seem to like car doors very much.


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[Assistant] Uh, this comment is from Subnautica and from Elma. Elma asks, Have you guys ever thought about making a similar series like this but with The Forest? The Forest is a really great game and should be checked out. It runs good, looks good, has good story, exploration, building systems great, different weapons, interesting enemies that are creepy and deadly.


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[Assistant] Uhm, yes, we have looked at the forest, and I think when Subnautica's done, that's kind of the one I'm eyeballing.


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[Assistant] Maybe. Unless we could, uh, GTA. I, I, I keep wanting to play in GTA now with this Rockstar editor.


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[Assistant] Because, I mean, I don't know how long the forest will last. I know there is a story going on in the forest, much like Subnautica, so there's a clear...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] End goal. And it's multiplayer, so three or four of us can play the game. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the building system in it's kinda neat. But yeah, we are looking into the forest. BAM. BAM. Done. Suck it. Nipples. This is a comment from Estevan Silves. It says, I need to know if y'all like NASCAR. I don't.


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[Assistant] I have zero interest in this race. I want to see these cars get fucked up.


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[Assistant] It'll be fun now, I mean, we're getting to the point where we can, you know, you can have remote control cars, but the NASCAR, so like, let's take the driver out of these vehicles and get rid of this whole pace car shit and it's, you gotta make it around this track. Hey, those drone races are insane. And you just wreck the shit. They are insane. There's drone races? Good, good.


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[Assistant] Alright, next comment we have from, uh, Grant Smith who says, Subnautica, Rick and Morty, and Game of Thrones are the reason I look forward to Sundays.


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[Assistant] Oh, I'm sure it is, dammit. No, I tried to watch the latest one, but I went, I went to Adultswim.com and there was like, you gotta sign in with one of these cable providers and I'm like, fuck you, and I left. So I, I need to either purchase it somewhere else, or go on Facebook and watch it. And it gets uploaded to YouTube like every second. So you can just watch it there. It was good. But no, I wanna see it. What's the deal with Facebook?


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[Assistant] Like yea, if we took ARK, it was like, oh, now you gotta sign in to your fucking cable provider to watch ARK.


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[Assistant] Exactly! Just put it on AdultSwim.com and like, they should be able to sell ads on that. I mean, it's a huge show. I don't get it.


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[Assistant] So, is that your last comment? I got another comment. Uh, this was from GTA, uh, and this is from Justin Dickey who says, Hey guys, pro tip, if you use the game chat when you're standing around and talking, your character's mouse will move, move, uh, when you speak. And we tried this on Ark one time and it actually, it turned out to be a hindrance for the editor.


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[Assistant] Right, it just seemed weird. We want to have that option of shifting our audio around whenever we please and not have to be dictated on what the game characters are doing. That's all. I mean really, we tried it, we didn't like it. Done. Alright, and I gotta get this one out of the way real quick. Uh, this one's from, it's just a long list of numbers. It's like number nine, isn't it? Yeah, and uh, where is Subnautica?


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[Assistant] Uhm, Subnautica is on hiatus until they finish the game. We can't move forward anymore.


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[Assistant] Next time we have to pause a series like this, we probably should just make a video explaining, hey, this series is paused, even if it's just a two minute. Damn it, listen.


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[Assistant] We talked about too, once Subnautica's done, I might take the whole series and just throw it all together into one long clip. Which I think is a good idea. So boom, there you go. Turn it on. Go nuts. When are we looking at the update? Is it October? There, right now there's, uh, Unknown Worlds is saying October.


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[Assistant] But it's a game, it could be delayed, it could be pushed back, we're just gotta see.


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[Assistant] We gotta make sure that first episode's really, really good. Because if it's not, then no one's gonna watch the show.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so hold tight buddy. Yeah, we're working on it. Yeah. You want it good or you want it now?


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[Assistant] No, he, uh, the main character in Rick and Morty, Rick talks a lot. Oh, I know. That's what I was just saying.


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[Assistant] Ho! They're not wheels! What are they? They're something else! Like a cup! They're not wheels! They're not!


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[Assistant] Yeah. Since what? Years. Since a commenting on, since one of these. Yes.


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[Assistant] It's just us talking. We should do a commenting on podcasts. Or a podcast on comments. I do.


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[Assistant] No, I didn't write this. Ready?


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[Assistant] This is very, very complimentary. High energy and very happy music. Okay, alright.


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[Assistant] Sooo, and I say so because there's a lot of O's already.


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[Assistant] So, it's funny now to have a super high-pitched voice like a little boy going through puberty, kneebs, and build, also record complete garbage.


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[Assistant] I'm just saying I usually look forward to scrap mechanic videos from you guys, but the quality of video has been going down in my eyes of course. I don't know. Hopefully you guys step it up, but I think there's an extreme lack of creative inspiration because you guys literally use the same type of jokes over and over and over again.


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[Assistant] And it's fucking old. Although that probably will only be caught by some of the more intelligent folks in this viewing audience. So we'll see how many are actually intelligent versus the moron.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I heard they were gonna call that Pixar movie Inside Me, but then they thought it'd be a little, so Inside Out.


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[Assistant] Why can't you just say it like, like your natural, you know, like American accent?


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[Assistant] So we need to do more of that. Fun fact, her name is what Simon calls his car. Sabra!


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Uhm, based on this comment, but not that it represents this comment, but it just made an idea of comment. Uhm, the comment section for this particular video.


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[Assistant] So just calling out everyone's mistakes. No, no, no, not calling them out. Them having fun with, uh, the comments and, and just seeing, uhm, you know.


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[Assistant] See, I think that if someone's like, you know, I really like you guys bring my day up, uhm, you know, I was having a crappy day, those kind of comments, and then ending that with a question mark.


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[Assistant] It's a good angle. It's a good angle. How does that work? Yeah, it's great. And it's not- It's all my idea. Cause Abshaw likes to, uhm, it was your idea? No, no. He likes to do, uh, solo videos. He's a rogue. Cause he thinks we're shit. Yeah, he doesn't. He's looking for a way to get out of the group. He started a band too. He does good with the solo video. I'm not calling him out, but I'm calling him out. Yeah.


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[Assistant] See? It's the tip of the iceberg. You inspired somebody. Right. Uh, Thicc and I met two people in our last capture event trip, the San Fran, that um, incorporate that in their daily life. That's awesome.


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[Assistant] You know what the good test is? Like karate chop shaped hand, you know, and just do a little swipe skis, you know?


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[Assistant] Hashtag swipe the card. Swipe the card, yea, get it trending on Twitter. Alright, that's like Superman at home, when you find out what it really means.


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[Assistant] I want it to be in a, I love that place. Feels like home now.


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[Assistant] Then take two minutes out. Bam. No! Cause it's other two minutes, they're too good. He's always looking for a way out.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he does kind of scar- He unhinders his jaw? He balls all his food into a ball and just puts it in the back of his throat and swallows it. He's on a mission!


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[Assistant] Yeah, when he gets here, we can ask him about his apartment lease signing.


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[Assistant] The worst is when you're driving and you go, okay, I'll stop at Bojangles or just anywhere and you go, okay, I'm gonna get that combo meal. And then you realize halfway on your trip, uh oh, I need a spoon for this one and I'm driving. Now I'm trying to steer and spoon food in my mouth. I need a spoon for my biscuit. Well it might be like the beans.


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[Assistant] I'm saying you gotta think this through. You do. Burrito. I can eat it with my hand. Chicken tenders. Hand. Biscuit. Hand. Beans.


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[Assistant] A lot of fast food is a gamble. I mean the reason I eat fast food is usually budget or convenience. Uh huh. But like you go to some places and man the fast food, the service is so bad they just don't care. You feel like you're bothering them being there.


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[Assistant] A place that pretty regularly has good food and good service is Chick-fil-A. Like, their chicken is thick and juicy, the salads are like fresh, there's not like three ounces of water in the bottom of your salad. No, they're all friendly and they're all going to heaven.


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[Assistant] Man, I tell you what, we're talking about service and fast food. If you ever get up in the morning, which I don't like to do, I was at McDonald's once in the morning.


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[Assistant] Those people are like so happy. Ed McDonald's, up straight here.


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[Assistant] Probably a Chick-fil-A manager that switched over there. This was legitimate happiness.


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[Assistant] Like, customers were coming in, they knew the guys behind the counter, it was like...


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[Assistant] You know, meat in the back corner and get some coffee. Well, the Hardys I've been going to lately, worst service. Just mad that I'm there. Why'd you come in? We were talking. Now I gotta take your order. This Burger King around the block


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[Assistant] Yeah, why not? It would have to go- I think it'd be like acidic vomit, like- Yeah, no, you were probably just- You're probably digesting, you're getting some nutrition, blah. Here's some like throw up. Probably.


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[Assistant] Yes. Yes, this guy named Fazzari, uh, contacted me on YouTube and said,


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[Assistant] Hey, I'm a musician. I did a version of your intro. Huh. So I just thought it was cool. It sounds very different. He took a lot of creative license on it. Are you gonna play it? We'll play it now.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, his Soundcloud has a lot of, he usually does a lot of different style of music, just kind of like, uh, ambience kind of rhythms and kind of cool stuff. Check him out. Fazzari.


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[Assistant] Oh baby, yeah, that's right. You're not gonna do that. I'm not gonna say that. Oh, rarely. But you'll find words and phrases and stuff that you could possibly use. What if all your languages learn from songs? Like, excuse me, I'm gonna rock you like a hurricane. Well, I guess you had to pick the right song to fix the situation, right?


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[Assistant] Have y'all seen that DiGiorno commercial? Is that it on the music? No, it's still music.


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[Assistant] Going over to Hardee's. You're not wanted there either. I wanted to make truck nuts for bikes. How great would that be on a 10 speed, in the back of your seat? Just one little sit.


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[Assistant] Do you eat fast food? Who one of them is? Uh, one of them is, uh, Daniel from How It Should Have Ended. That's a good call.


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[Assistant] If you don't know how it should have ended is, it's uh, cartoons about the way movies should have ended.


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[Assistant] He's a real person. I'd like to get Richard Branson on. That'd be fun. He's the virgin guy? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Elon Musk. Yeah. I'll reach out. Okay, I'll reach out. Let's reach big.


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[Assistant] He writes those emails. Do the right thing. And he writes those emails with two fingers. I'm serious, I wanna see if you can pull this off. It's a fun challenge. Maybe our audience has connections. Ooh. What's that, degrees of separation thing? Like somebody listening right now, probably, is like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, like I could call this guy right now on my phone. They'd be on the podcast if I asked them. Or I could at least check.


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[Assistant] Driver says Neebs in his phone. Neebs in my phone, yeaah. He's looking at you like, hey, kick him over.


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[Assistant] He was a great character, Kingpin. Yea. I haven't seen season 2, but all through season 1, you could kinda relate to the villain.


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[Assistant] Is that his name? Yea, right? Yea, he's great. I'm not sure. It's the guy that played, uh, He was in Men in Black. In Men in Black? Yea. The cockroach guy? Yea, that's Dinafriel.


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[Assistant] I don't like one location movies usually. If they're done right, I like Die Hard. Castaway. I like Castaway. Birdman. There you go.


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[Assistant] When do you expect to have the Birdman writer on? In like three weeks-ish. Okay, I need to watch the whole movie. I own it if you'd like.


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[Assistant] Well, some people have cool stuff. Right. Like, oh look, their shoes come out of the ceiling. Yeah. Yeah. I want a shoe ceiling.


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[Assistant] That way we can, we can spend more time writing, and voicing, and not behind a computer constantly.


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[Assistant] We were mad at everybody, all these gamers getting all these views.


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[Assistant] I don't think what we expected though was to enjoy


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[Assistant] Had we never done this, there would never be a Kylo Ren Plays Battlefield. Nope.


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[Assistant] Been here since day one, boys. I remember being so excited when I found out that the Conquest and Kittens gag from that one Battlefield Friends episode turned out to be a legit gaming channel. You guys started.


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[Assistant] I've never forgotten how you guys would always put a smile on my face after a tough day. Proud of you guys making it to one million. You guys deserve it. A toast to the greatest group of guys and channel on YouTube!


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[Assistant] Piss! Can't wait to watch that new Duralis & Associates episode. Gonna keep an eye out for that! Yeah!


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[Assistant] Let's comment on it. I just thought you'd think that was funny.


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[Assistant] I saw a comment on the million sub video that said, because in there we talked about the animations we made, we forgot to even bring up action faction.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but we made it. But then I saw a comment that said, whoa, wait, these guys made Mob Squad? And to me that was like, yeah, there must be people out there that watched both and didn't make the connection. No, I wish I would have seen that. I would have saved it. Well, now we'll never talk about it.


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[Assistant] And I've seen a lot of those. Uh, went to check my subs and people had just somehow gotten unsubbed.


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[Assistant] And the other problem I'm seeing in the comments a lot is our uploads weren't in their notifications. Cause I've seen people like, what happened to you guys? Where you been? I'm like, we're uploading six videos a week. What do you mean where you been? They haven't got any notifications from our channel.


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[Assistant] You gotta play your cards right. That's fine. Hold on now. Back that up. What was that? I'll say three? I don't know, five. I said one. This sounds ridiculous. It's eight?


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[Assistant] Okay, so a C-130. I have a visual. I know what those look like.


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[Assistant] Yeah. How many times has a pencil been painted? The most in the world. Right.


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[Assistant] A dog running five meters on his front leg is not like, okay yeaah.


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[Assistant] So you're assuming he can bounce faster than someone can run. And is he naked? And this is without falling or dropping a ball.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he could do that. He should start a YouTube channel. You should? Cause every time he breaks a record it should be a video. We should try to get him on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was tried at a birthday party for a 12 year old.


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[Assistant] Oh, is that a video thing? If we're talking about what I want to see, those results with the apple were pretty disappointing. But maybe seeing a video of that would show you why it takes so long. Maybe. I'm going to say draw on that one. They're both pretty... What?


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[Assistant] Let's go back to this metal thing. Okay. The wooden watches. Yeah. I used to have a reoccurring dream that I was eating and I'm like, ugh, I'm never gonna be able to swallow all this crap. And it was metal. I was eating metal in my dream. And you just kept eating it. And then it's like you realize, wait, I'm dreaming, I don't have to eat this.


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[Assistant] All of a sudden. I did one, if you know someone that smokes, you take their cigarette and you insert a metal rod into the cigarette. And then when they're smoking, their ash never falls off. Oh yeah. Really long ash. Yeah. So I do it and I'm waiting. I'm thinking, I'm going to get some payoff eventually. They're going to be like, man, I had a crazy cigarette the other day. Never happened. Months go by. I'm like, Hey, did you ever have a cigarette with a long ash? And he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simon loves that. Barry could be involved with the new car Simon got.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, no, I wear everything, uh, on my feet until they turn to powder. I fixed my shoes though. It was in a video.


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[Assistant] Until he was cutting me. Oh, oh no. And then like, uh, going to kiss my girl if I had that hat on. You're bleeding? Yes.


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[Assistant] And then they pull it off their head and slice people up.


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[Assistant] The things you learn here. The human body. Welcome to science, folks. Uhm, I did get a good science fact on NPR the other day. They discovered the real reason that, uhm, birds that fly in a flock, like, uh, the V that one side's longer than the other.


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[Assistant] Yes. Oh, don't get, don't get started. I think it'd be a great destination. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, but then I got, uhm, a fan sent me a suggestion for a different meetup. It's like a Jimmy Buffett themed destination. Okay, so completely out of the question. Yeah, yeah, no. Throwing it out there. Is it Key West?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here we go, Steven Caldwell sent me this. It's the Margaritaville Island Hotel in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Welcome to Margaritaville Island.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Tennessee. Yeah, it doesn't work. Island? Yep. Book your stay now. No. No. Fuck you. Fuck all of them. Inspired by the lyrics and lifestyle of singer-songwriter and author Jimmy Buffett, Margaritaville Island Hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what a fucking honor. That was a hell of a party. That was so cool, man. That was awesome. Like, over a thousand people, uh, sit down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a new suit. You went and stole it off a dead guy at a funeral parlor. I did, it was cheap. I remember when I brought it up, it was like, you know, we should probably dress up, and you were like, ah, fuck that. Yeah, I'm wearing jeans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh, do you know that, uh, tropics, uh, I was reminded on that planet earth series, which is so badass they're making another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tropics is uh, three to four percent of the earth, but has 50% of all animal life and plant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have your rose. Just because we shouldn't forget to bring this up. The hotel. That first night. You remember what club we had? Yeaah. I remember, yeaah. The American Swedish Club. It was the America Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They add an overwhelming amount of either cream or milk or just plain water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I the only person you've seen that's had that? That trick? Yeah. I bought a little thing of that up at a magic shop in the Mall of America once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, let's spoil it. It's like this powder you buy and just like a tiny pinch if you throw it into any liquid within, uhm, Or hotel eggs. Or hotel eggs within, uh, I don't know, 15 seconds it turns completely to gel. Interesting. And then you throw the cup at someone like, oh my god!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a very uhm, one of our fans who I got to meet in London when I went out with my lady for my birthday, Sylar Bogdan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a, uh, a very successful magician out there. Really? Yeaah. And he's, he's fantastic. He did tricks at our, at our meetup. Great dude. And, uh, very good magician. So yeaah, if anyone, yeaah, you find him on Facebook and he's got YouTube videos and stuff. He's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we've gone from burps to sobs to magic to Sweden. God, where do you go from here? We just quit.


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[Assistant] Because I really don't burp. I don't know because it releases gas that is built up in your body from swallowing air. I don't swallow air apparently. You swallow air all the time. Especially when you eat or talk quickly, chew gum, or drink through a straw. I don't know how they don't come out of you. Do they come out your ass? Oh, I fart all the time. Well there you go. Most people burp between 6 and 20 times.


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[Assistant] In some cultures a burp after a meal is considered to be a compliment to the chef.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the thing, I think most parents are such pushovers in that department. Yes. Like, if it's there, that's what your option is. I'm not gonna make you chicken nuggets cause you don't like this. Exactly. That's how you gotta be. A lot of people do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every year cows in the USA burp about 50 million tons of gas into the atmosphere, majorly contributing to the greenhouse effect. The burps of 10 cows could heat a small house for a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, tonight we weren't supposed to do this, so I feel very unprepared. Hello everyone. Are you usually prepared? That's your job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm almost on my third. So you're one shy. You're one shy of prepared.


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[Assistant] That's how it ends. This is how it ends. When that chomp happens, it tells you how hard you chomp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm very careful though. I'd like to say that 9 out of 10 times, I don't do it a second time. It's all about preparation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only reason I didn't, uhm, I had a huge gap in my front two teeth, but I broke them out playing hockey. And uhm, because I broke them out, I didn't have to get braces, because they put in my fake ones without the gap. I think fake ones are a much better alternative to getting braces anyway, if that was the option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And this is why we should prepare. I've said this several times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, question, who, uh, who grinds their teeth at night? Not me? Well, I guess you don't know. Jesus Christ. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I chomp at night apparently. But I've got a, uhm, mouth guard now. But I bought like a cheapie from the drugstore mouth guard. But like, good ones. Like you play football in? It's kinda like that, but thinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, the, the, the Invisalign that just made me think of that because the expensive ones, the ones that last for a while and they're like, you know, all four, they're ridiculously expensive for what it is. It's fucking stupid. We're talking like four or five hundred dollars for this mouth. You think they'd be getting cheaper? With the technology?


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[Assistant] It's like, I'm gonna 3D print my own fuckin' braces. And he did it! That's gonna change the game, man. I mean, if he could turn that into a fuckin' business, hell yeah. What would you 3D print if you could? Like, that's a really cool technology that... A house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's crazy. Wow. So they've been 3D printing for well over 20 some years, like maybe 30. Yeah, no, no, they have exactly. So I mean, it's really cool. When are we going to get one for the office?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we're talking. That would only cost $97 to make a sandwich. Yeaah. With the right liquids. But you can make pizza. So how, please explain that to me. Does anyone really know? What do you mean? Explain what part of it? No, I'm serious. You can make a pizza like you can 3D print food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you're gonna have to have liquids that are essentially food that like harden upon being printed. I'd have to try this. I don't want that. This sounds awful. I saw something in the news like two years ago, they were like reporters who ate it. What was it? Pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I said, how did that happen? And they didn't get into it and it annoyed me. I'm like, tell me about the process here.


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[Assistant] That's not anything to make fun of. You can empathize with that. If you're to bite something, would you prefer your lip or your tongue bitten? Liiip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? But here's why I even brought that up. Because when I bite my tongue, for some reason, I'm like a, a gleeking superstar. Cause you get flushed with saliva. Your, your- Is that what it is? I think you get, when you usually, when you injure yourself, your, your mouth gets filled up with extra saliva. So it's just ammo. I get ammo. No, it doesn't make sense, but it does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to scrape the tip of my tongue with my teeth. Right? Unless I bite my tongue. And then it's game on.


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[Assistant] Is this a good subject really? No, it's horrible. No, it's awful. This is horrible.


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[Assistant] Yeah, completely unedited. All your stutters and the fucking dead awkward pauses that I cut out normally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, those are great. Anyway. King's Speech, great movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of ads, this podcast is sponsored by... What would happen if the McElroy Brothers were to turn their popular advice podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me, into a TV show? There's only one way to find out. Sign up for CSO.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're actually really funny. No, I know they're funny. You showed me some videos and I laughed at them genuinely. Please let me finish this CISO thing. Okay, but they're only on CISO. Please. Alright, fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I get through this? I've got things to say about it. Okay, go ahead. Plus, CSO has tons of great original series like My Brother, My Brother and Me, as well as an animated fantasy role-playing game starring Dan Harmon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really do like Dan Harmon too. Shut up. Okay. Access SISO anytime, anywhere on iOS, Android, Apple TV, and almost any other device. All for just $3.99 per month. No joke. That's a good deal. So what are you waiting for? Go to seeso.com right now to sign up for one month free with promo code Neebs at checkout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the best offer CISO has going right now. One month of laugh your ass off comedy free just by using promo code Neebs. That's S-E-E-S-O dot com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say twice at the end. I messed up the first time. Okay, that's fine. That sounds great. I like that product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I ever tell you my, uh, uhm, I'll tell you, it's just a quick, when I got bullied, there was this duo one grade above me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I became really good friends with one of them, but you know, when you're young and everybody's like establishing their ground and you know, whatever the fuck, you know.


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[Assistant] So on the bus I'd get picked on by these two and this one day I got off a stop earlier so they wouldn't pick on me at that, at my stop. Thought I was being tricky but then they got off with me and like the bus driver, he's like 90, so he had no idea that they like ran off after me like, you know, he didn't report.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're running and like in my mind I'm like, okay, they're gaining on me a little bit. I'm gonna turn into a ball and drop to the ground so they trip over me. And it worked. I like turned into like a square.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Armadillo? Yes, pretty much. So it was a quick turn and a drop. Yep. And they trip. Yep. Well, one, the one that was, uh, cause the one behind him, he would, it's, he became my friend. He, I don't think he ever had any intention, but he was probably trying to impress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fucking idiot. How old were you? Oh shit, I guess I was probably like, 4th grade? Okay, I was about to say 15. 3rd or 4th grade maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a funny memory of mine, but the hole in the plan was, then what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't get my ass kicked, but, uh, apparently my hat came off. I was wearing a hat. Oh god. Yeah, this is rough. This is rough shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They took my hat and they, they climbed the fucking, um, uh. Telephone? No, at the, at the baseball, uh, field. Yep. You know, in front of the bleachers, the fence that goes all the way up to the roof. Right, right, right. They climbed to the very top of that and hung it up there and I was afraid of heights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll, uh, drop this public service announcement right now. If you are listening and you're a bully, get the fuck out. Snap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Lowe's has got a ways to go until they catch up to the hairy teats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can drink beer in the grocery store now. They sell it by like the gallon. They sell different craft beers that you can take home. It's nice. Yeah, that's great. Alright, thanks for coming everybody. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we need to wow him now. With what? Right? Alright. I thought I was gay for three years. Three years? No, I was just trying to get a reaction. You can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you watched Brokeback Mountain, like I didn't want to watch it because I was like, you know what, it does though, when it is man on man, it does make me feel a little bit, I don't know, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing that I don't know from that movie. It was, it was well acted. One particular scene was like the wow scene. Like you guys really brought it. And it fascinates me because it's impressive, uh, performance wise. Like what was the most intimate thing they had to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it is to act passionate kissing. And have like saliva transfer. Well yea, well not even just that, but passionate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it added this strange tension to it.


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[Assistant] Like, he was doing it because he couldn't resist, but at the same time he fucking hated himself for it. So, performance wise, yeaah, it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was okay. But no, he was talking about spy shit, and like weird shit, and I was just the right amount of drunk to buy it. He might have been just- Cause that's what spies do, they talk about it. Oh god, no, but he was hammered and, and looking for, uh, looking for an event. Drunk spies. No, I saw your eyes. You told me after. He came out and he was like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a very blunt way of being like, okay, so how did you get involved in the situation? And she's like, well, I told him I thought he was cute. Yeah, she pretty much went straight up. She was like, I am here to tell you what I want and I will tie you up if you let me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, then we, uh, we wanna talk about the other portion? YouTube? Yeah!


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[Assistant] Is there some sort of, is he a spy? He's a spy. He's a spy with that other guy. Shit.


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[Assistant] I want them to think about me, hey listen, he's good enough, we shouldn't fire him yet. That's what I'm going for.


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[Assistant] Are you one of those, like, not you, but like, some of these people that need to, you know, turn the bills around? It's like- In your wallet? In your wallet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The biggest mistake is befriending Neebs. I just read a fun fact, uhm, on the news. Is it fun? BBC. I thought, I thought it was interesting. Like news and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since Trump got elected, Americans applying for citizenship in New Zealand up 70 or 80%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it would be fun to find a place, like I always thought it'd be really fun if we had a show and we would travel like a travel show that you'd see on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The travel network. And it would be us going all over the world. Yeah, but no, we'd go all over the world and we'd meet like, let's say we went to Hong Kong and we meet like three, the three people that happen to like us that live in Hong Kong. We go there and we hang out. You show us the area and then we bring a film crew. Cause I just want to travel for free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Wouldn't that be great? Yeaah. Cause I want to travel. And we should get the company to pay for it so I can do it. You're right, absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we were in Kauai the, uh, the last day we went kayaking, but we could have paddle board and I was like, I just want to sit down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Take it all in and not focus on balance so much.


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[Assistant] Sit with the top pocket in my mouth. I think hiking is dumb. I bet, um, I'll bet I'm faster than you. Might be, cause I don't have four in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what? Well, it's stride. So each step takes you further. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you think that fast people are taller? Didn't work that way. It does. Look at running backs. No, I've known a lot of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going up? Like when you people watch it, like an airport, it's just interesting to see how certain people walk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very little, but guitar hero more. Yeah. I had rock band, we used to play it at my house, whatever. We ended up downtown one night, and they were like, okay, you know, it was basically like a karaoke machine, you know, instead they were doing rock band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've gotten like complex about that now, don't you? I mean, I don't blame you. It's good to notice it. I never did before. Uhm, so many people said...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why didn't you do the whole thing? It was supposed to be the whole thing, and we did it, and I pushed it to four fucking things that we read. Four rounds. We're just doing one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TSA guidelines now prohibit blank on airplanes. Ooh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me the judge, Sam. Alright, go. Alright, good. I'll give my shitty thing. Read it, and then, uh, and then, yeaah. It's, it's best to be read every time, and then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, TSA guidelines now prohibit pretending to care on airplanes. Oh, great one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I wasn't going to read everyone, but TSA guidelines now prohibit African children on airplanes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is from Duralius. Well, I didn't have anything that fit that. That's why we should have things. Neither did I. Yeaah. This is ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I now prohibit authentic Mexican cuisine on airplanes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, if you hit any of us. I can flick some cards. You can put out an eye. Oh, Jesus. I'm not picking these cards up. Jesus, will you stop it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. So I had an idea and I was like, I like trivia. I'm like, hey, you know what? I'm gonna put together a little trivia thing for the guys and we'll have teams two versus two and I'll be like the host and I'm intrigued. And then immediately it was met with negative response from Neebs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I've picked, I have four names here. I've picked two out of the four and I'm opening them up and there's going to be the team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pick the next name! Go ahead, high five right now. Make it, make it official. Dick!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so, we're gonna, we don't have buzzers, but I'm assigning, I'm assigning a Thicc and Neibs' buzzer sound to be boop, okay? You're gonna be a boop. I don't like that. Alright, what do you want? Ding ding. Okay, ding ding. I know ours. And well yours was gonna be eh, but. It should be eh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my example question. Okay. Example question. Okay. The example question is like, let's say for instance, I said, why does they think he, oh, he's always right without having any facts. Okay. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You cannot ring in until I finish reading what you think is correct. So are we not allowed to read what comes up here? You can read it, but let's just say, I say, okay, A, he's smarter than everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That should be how you do it though. So people can play along. Okay, we'll do it that way. Are you ready?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty cool. Yeah. I'm jumping right in. What does the word Atari mean in Japanese? A. Future. B. Excitement. C. Success. D. Joy. Ding ding. I will say joy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a prize too. Well, still, I shouldn't get a negative point after not hearing that rule.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, uh, I don't care. Do they get to go now? You guys wanna answer? We have a follow up, this is like Family Feud. Do you know the answer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we're gonna go- SCORE! We're gonna go through this really quick cause I can tell nobody's into it. It's like debate class. What classic fighter game features brothers Billy Lee and Jimmy with nicknames Spike and the Hammer? Is it A. Smash Brothers B. Double Dragon C. C. Snow Brothers


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[Assistant] I'm looking at it right now thinking I wish we had like five, because we don't. We've got fifteen questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna give you guys, if you buzz in, I'm gonna give you, uh, uh, maybe five seconds. I'll tell you when it's up to answer. I don't fucking know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What year was the first Super Mario Bros. game debuted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm gonna switch to something that I thought was interesting and maybe it might bring up something. How old was the youngest professional gamer signed to the MLG or Major League Gamers? A, 9. B, 6. C, 7. D, 11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eh, it's six. Wow. Six years old. Interesting. Okay. This might spark a little bit of conversations. This kid started playing Halo at two years old. He entered his first competition at four years old where he finished third place. And then he got signed when he was six. Okay. That's crazy. See, this is the trivia that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is fascinating to me. I get mad at that because I think parenting needs to be a little bit different than just, oh I've got a two year old who's playing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is impressive, but yeah, I hope he's, I hope he's in the outdoors doing something else as well. Oh, I do too. Okay, so we're not keeping score of any kind. Why don't I just read questions? Yeah, let's just go through them. Why don't we just go with almost like the how did they die? Just everyone takes their own guess. How much money do you think Rockstar earned with GTA V in the first 24 hours that it was released?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, something. Alright, this is interesting. The Sony PlayStation was originally created for what gaming company? Ooh! I know that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Microsoft. I kinda wanna go with Microsoft. Uhm, Nintendo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it A. Chomp Man? Or Chomp Man? I hope it's B. Dot Man? C. Puck Man? Or D. Bisc Man? I think it's Dot Man. Uh, C. Puck Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. So. That's interesting. Yeaah. Isn't it? Oh, hello, Pac-Man. Oh, something. Did you make up Biscuit Man? Yes, I did. I made up all of them, except for... I like that. Yeaah. You think that got lost in translation and was like, what's your game called? And he's like, well, Pac-Man. Oh yeaah, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, ah, I tried this game called Pac-Man, you know, he originally said


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rockstar one. But let's just talk. Because you know what we're gonna do? You know what we're gonna do from now on? I just realized this. We're gonna come in every week and we're not gonna have anything prepared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just gonna fucking go for it. We do everything that way. But that's not officially what it was. So, I don't have to fucking think about it. Which is great. Exactly. We'll just shoot shit. How free do you feel right now? I feel unbelievably free. It's much better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't know where to begin, so anyone? Day one. Dralius and I, for some reason, flew first. I flew out of a different airport, so I got there first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That third match that could have taken us to the winning plateau. I have a feeling that was our fault in a way. I feel responsible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were in a tank and it was coming like down to the wire and we were killing so many people around. I think we were close to the top of the board and we got hit by a shell and it killed all of us and then it said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But. You got us in a bad situation. In all fairness, I was putting us in a lot of good positions to get a lot of kills, which we did, so. I don't remember any of this. Okay. It was like a year ago. Yeah, I know, so long ago. It's like a Myrtle Beach trip. That was very funny. Is that out yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when I said Cologne in Munich, she looked at me all confused and then she said, oh Cologne. Maybe she thought you didn't say it with the right...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one lady that said very little, it was so much more than a little. That's the difference. If we speak very little of a different language in the states, that means we speak very little. When they say very little, they can pretty much have a full on conversation with you. It seems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That comes in handy. That's a lifesaver. Livestream was fun. Uh, next day we did a game capture day. So it was nice to get our hands on the game for a lot longer than we ever had before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're hanging out, we're talking, it's, it's all kind of a blur, but he asked me if I want a drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and I'm gonna ask everyone at the bar, Thank God people said no!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right in front of the battlefield booth. A little soiree. Yeaah. It was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was right there at the, um, screen that's directly in front of everybody waiting in line for hours. And I was like, I felt my, like, I was going to fall. So I overcompensated, which I'm sure most people do with their toes and everything. And when I left, my feet were exhausted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, ready to frickin' curl up and just go to sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had no idea how much I was like overcompensating my balance just so I wouldn't fall in front of this line. That'd be funny to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the VR stuff's getting crazy, which I love because I'm excited about the technology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a random RC car track that was pretty big that everyone was like doing these RC cars that drifted like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, just so we don't forget, you know how we noticed that the crosswalks, you hit the button to cross the street? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounded, uh, a lot like reggae music. It did. We sang to it. I gave you this clip so you can, uh, you know. Hear the TikTok? Hear us singing Bob Marley at a crosswalk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh yeaah. So let's see, night, uh. How about the Korean barbecue? Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's really easy to mess up, you gotta cook it just right, but this was marinated right, and we're cooking it right there in front of us, and it was fine, so. Yea, it was good food. The next day, I think, was that the day we kinda walked around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of everything on set board. Oh yeaah. It's easy. But the highlight of that joint


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. In my defense, I had someone whose name I will not say. Jeff Braddock. That Simon will say. It was like three, I was like, okay, I'm fucking done tonight. And he was like, I'm gonna go get a bottle of liquor. Yeah. It's three in the morning. Time to get a bottle of liquor in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it wasn't there when I checked in, but when I came back later on it was there. And it stayed there the entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nine months ago today, I lost my identity. I lost part of who I am. And how have I coped?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could go, it could stay, it could change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to compliment you the other night because I don't want your head to get too big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I know I'm being sincere, just look at, listen, listen, I thought I should take pen to paper and let you know just how far you've come and how proud I am of us as a couple and what we've built. But then listen, but then I pictured you reading it and being like, that's great. And then you just put it aside.


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[Assistant] I guess I'm harkening back to our poorer times together. You know why. Cause we've lost something in our house.


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[Assistant] I don't know if I want to bring it up this soon, but it's been reminding me of our poorer days. Okay. When we had to wipe our own butts.


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[Assistant] And the seat warmer still works. And every time I plunk down on it, I thank the Toto for still working with the heat. I'm thankful for it.


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[Assistant] And, I don't use a washcloth. I just do hand and soap. Oh. What do you think of them apples?


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[Assistant] Wait, this is a, this is a YMH exclusive. I'm your spouse and I don't even know this. What are you talking about? In the shower?


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[Assistant] So you've been taking in, by the way, I use those for my face.


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[Assistant] Come here. Stomps the learning. It's no good.


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[Assistant] I was going to write a letter to tell you how proud I am of all of our life together and what you've accomplished and what we've done together. And, and then I, I thought better of it. I thought, Nope, I don't want, I don't, cause I just see you. This is, this is usually when I give you anything. I remember.


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[Assistant] I am the ju- I tell you, do you know, I can't watch that movie if I'm even remotely depressed, cause I'm like, yup.


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[Assistant] We rewatched it together and I'm like, this isn't a comedy, babe.


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[Assistant] I know. I think because there's so many- I mean, he is trying to be a stand-up comedian. And if you're wondering what it's like to be a stand-up comic, that is exactly what it's like.


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[Assistant] For all the annoyances it was for comedians that were like, they hated that show. It was good for like,


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[Assistant] And his mother is a crazy person, which is probably why I relate so much to the Joker too, it could have been me.


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[Assistant] I'm like, and we came to the conclusion, we're like, why is it that like, every mom just gets more annoying with age?


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[Assistant] And I just see it in other people's moms that I'm friends with. It's like you just get more and more annoying with age. Whereas men get softer.


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[Assistant] It's nature's tequila. It makes you crazy. It makes you want children and the family and dogs like me. Like I want five dogs. I want to raise children. And what happens is it depletes you over time. Cause you're giving. You're the giving tree. Giving, giving, giving. And then by the time


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[Assistant] It's happening, Tom. I'm going to become the most annoying version of myself. Will you warn me if I become? I don't want to do that though.


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[Assistant] Cause I'm fighting against it, I'm taking the hormones.


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[Assistant] I exercise. See, this is why. This is, he's ignoring me. This is why women become annoying.


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[Assistant] What's the easiest choice you can make? Window seat over the middle seat? Your go-to drink order? Outsourcing business tasks you hate. What about selling with Shopify? Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business.


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[Assistant] Shopify helps you sell everywhere. From their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system,


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[Assistant] Wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered. I love Shopify. It's such an easy platform to use to really do anything you need to do with your e-commerce. We've used it before and I will endorse it fully for any small business owner. Shopify powers 10% of


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[Assistant] Go to Shopify.com slash mom's house now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash mom's house.


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[Assistant] One in five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2024 the year you finally check it off the list with Babel.


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[Assistant] Babbel is the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks.


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[Assistant] Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations and delivered with conversation based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. I've been learning Spanish on Babbel and it's been so easy and so fun and it's fun to even practice with Tom now. That's how good I am.


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[Assistant] Babbles designed by real people for real conversations. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now get 50% off. A one time payment for a lifetime Babbles subscription.


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[Assistant] But only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash YMH. Get 50% off at Babbel.com slash YMH. That's spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash YMH. Rules and restrictions may apply.


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[Assistant] I mean, back when I was 21, you couldn't just go online. I'd have to put an ad in a paper or something.


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[Assistant] And like, I don't want my kids to ever leave the nest, and this is kind of a cool way to have a business with them, why not?


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[Assistant] Well, this is the same thing as dads getting their daughter to the strip club. And we've heard that theme time and time again in the porno industry. This is, this is just, this is just a cool new twist on an old


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[Assistant] I don't know, but listen, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, you go to a German beach, nothing but dicks, and that's the norm.


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[Assistant] But we live in a time now where People Magazine has to pretend like it's cool. Like we have to think everything's cool.


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[Assistant] But hey, great actor. I like most of his movies really good. I mean,


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[Assistant] Start shopping now with Policy Genius to find a policy to protect your family. Getting life insurance today means you'll have peace of mind so that if something were to happen to you, your family can cover expenses while getting back on their feet.


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[Assistant] To help talk you through it. Look, I know life insurance is a bummer, but Policy Genius makes it so easy to compare your options. You've gotta try it.


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[Assistant] Even if you already have a life insurance policy through work, it may not offer enough protection for your family's needs, and it may not follow you if you leave your job. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year.


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[Assistant] For one million dollars of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical claims. Save time and money and provide your family with a financial safety net using Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com slash ymh.


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[Assistant] Or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash YMH. And you know some dummies listening to this going, guys, why are you so mean? Because you wouldn't even adopt a dog. Get a puppy at 81.


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[Assistant] Yeah, people, yeah, people don't get pets because they can't commit to a pet for 10-15 years, but a human child?


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[Assistant] Uhm, then again, I have seen Amazon wigs like that too. I own a few. It's hard to tell, but I think that he's showcasing it because he wants to.


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[Assistant] He's got a great attitude and I think if anything, we're helping him find the woman of his dreams. Cause now we're casting a wide net for him.


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[Assistant] I mean, there's not a lot of women in Anchorage, right? Or there's more women than men? I forget.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so that's what I mean. So we're actually upping his value.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he should continue it and I hope his girlfriend in Mexico works out. Me too. He likes them young.


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[Assistant] How do I put this? Well, for instance, sometimes when I go to hug you, you'll pat my back hard. Okay, buddy, thanks. And I'm like, I'm not a... Things like that. You'll fart. You'll fart in your hand and whiff it.


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[Assistant] I think there was like a four or five month window where you treated me like a woman. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Thanks. Does Burt see Leanne? No way. She bros down. He bros down with her.