[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny cause I went to sounds game recently and I just saw some dude from like the Tennessee lottery throughout the first pitch. I was like, I could do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Nobody wants to do it. I watched the dude do the first pitch and nobody's paying attention. I mean, nobody's watching. It's the mascots catching it. But I'm like, I want to do it. Is there even a game that night? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The mascot has a catcher's mitt, the rooster gets down behind a home plate. They don't even bother. And I don't know what the rules are. I think they tell you, you can't. I would love to pitch from the mound. I think they tell you, you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't go up on the rubber. I've never seen it. Bush did it after 9-11, but he can do it everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that would be really funny if I could get them to, get them to put that on the jumbotron. You have to wear, like, uh, I don't know, like a brown ribbon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, that's kind of a cool, it was, it was so funny how easy it was to, you just never think I'll just ask if I could do it. They're like, sure, go ahead. But I'm pumped. September 7th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, we're playing Memphis, so I'm going to be there. You want to come Brian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'll be there. Yeah, you should. Yeah. Every time Nate shows up, they're like, hey, we're just going to let Nate do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy festival. This is, yeah, well it's, it's really cool. First of all, it's really cool to do. First one up there. It's a big deal. Well, it's alphabetical, but yeah, that's fine. I'll take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. Now there's a line in my bio that says, you can hear Aaron on the Nate Land podcast with Nate Bargetzi and Brian Bates where they tackle important world issues like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fast food, uh, Rhode Island and so. Well, I said in my bio, they left out the last part of that sentence. So the last letter of this deadline, the last sentence of the deadline says, you can hear Aaron on the Nate land podcast where the three Nashville based comedians tackle important world issues. And then it just ends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I've seen that one too, yea. Yea, there's a lot of good stuff being made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you have done it? I guess you would have had to if everything else fell through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a lift at 3 AM in Albany today. No problem. So I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally this morning. This morning I took a lift at 3am in Albany to the airport. I scheduled it ahead of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's been a week there last month. I loved it. I had always wanted to go. I knew very little about it, but I'm excited to talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes sense, because I said it several times when I was there, is everywhere looks like a Bob Ross painting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my only reference for an artist, so maybe there are other artists that work better, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you laid it over the continental United States, the most western part of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most western part of it would, if you put the most western part on Los Angeles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most eastern part would be in Florida. I mean that's, that's how big we're talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you'd have to maybe tilt it a little bit. Oh, okay. But some random tour guide in Talkeetna, Alaska told me that, so I'm gonna defend it till I die. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And there are, there were parts of it, man, where I was out there and I was like, I've never felt so desolate. No people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so big. Uhm, the scale of things was overwhelming. Where we would be looking at mountains and we'd have a tour guide go, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How far away do you think that mountain is? And we'd look at it and be like, I don't know, a mile or two. And they're like, that's 80 miles away. It's just so big. You just have no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they got cities out here, man. They don't have cities. Though they're not cities, but they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone lives on that. Yeah, somebody lives on it. Chuganodak Island, dude. Right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet there are scientists that live out there, people that take care of the land, stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, that Unimak Island that we were just looking at, 64 people live there. Right here. Okay. 64 people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want me to like check out, okay, so Attu Station here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what just happened. Attu, jeez. It doesn't want me. It doesn't want me to change. So like one of these?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got into Anchorage and then worked our way up to Fairbanks. So we only really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tackled like one corner of it. Juno's kind of its own, its own thing, like you said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We took, it's called the Alaskan, I think it's called the Alaskan Railroad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We took it from Anchorage to Fairbanks and we didn't even get out of this bottom right corner of the state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there were hours where the train conductor would go, all right, we're about to enter a dead zone. There's nothing out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing. And you just, just go and look nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, as far as the eye can see, it's, it's so, it's hard to comprehend how big it is and there's just nothing out there, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that was actually the coolest part of that, uh, taking the railroad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it's the last whistle stop train in the country? That's what they told me. I didn't fact check that at all. But they said it's the last whistle stop train, meaning that locals have a right to literally


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whistle and get the train will stop and pick them up. This is like an old, old fashioned looking rail like train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're sitting there. It looks like there's nothing. And then every once in a while, this like mountain man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would come out of the woods and stop the train and hop on and you could like peek through the woods and see their homestead out there. We're talking middle of nowhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there are people out there that just, for whatever reason, just want to get away from everything. They just go out and live in the middle of nowhere and they can flag that train down and hop up to Fairbanks for whatever reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't know if they actually whistle or if that's just, if they flag it down somehow, but that's what they call it, a whistle stop train. So every 45 minutes or so the train would stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't say don't judge a book by its cover. I feel like I can judge a movie by its poster. Is this movie terrible?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we took, uh, we went in the Denali National Forest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is a third of the size of Tennessee. That's how big it is. So big. And there's only one road going into it. So we took a tour bus on this one paved road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right into the middle of it and then we took a, we took a little bush plane out of it. Lucy and I. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, look, you're lucky if you see kinda one grizzly bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So just don't get your expectations up. You're lucky if you see, if you see one. And we saw one that was about a couple hundred yards away, just kind of sitting there looking at us. And we were like, there's our, there's our bear sighting. That's fine. Then we turn around the corner and there's a mom and a cub on the road right in front of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the, the bus driver pulls up kind of as close as she can right behind it. And we're all watching it. We're like, this is crazy. It's like right there. Right. And then the tour guide goes, nobody looked, but there's another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a, another adult bear comes up from the back of the bus and confronts the mother and her cub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the interaction. It's like the mother cub is defending, mother's defending her cub to the stranger. And she scares that one away and it runs away. And this all happened, like I could reach out and touch them from the bus. It was pretty wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could open the window of this bus and reach out and touch the bears. No problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We pull around the corner, two bears are in front of us. Okay. And then the other bear comes from behind us and kind of comes around the side of the bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't acknowledge us at all and the brakes kind of squealed a little bit. I thought they were going to be like, what are y'all doing here? But they didn't at all. It's a weird feeling like we're in their home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? It's not like a zoo or a conservatory. It's like this is where they live and we just pull up in this school bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they just- And they're fine with it. Yeah, they seem totally fine with it. Was the bus packed? It was, it was pretty full. There were like 25, 30 people on it. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know what? I wasn't taking many pictures. Lucy was taking some pictures. I felt dumb. Everybody's up. I don't know. I probably should have taken more. I got a couple of videos of seeing the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And kind of stood up and got in its face. Yeah. And just kind of let it know, hey, you need to turn back around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And they kind of just looked at each other and got up. Was the other one on its back legs too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They weren't standing, they weren't like bumping chests, but they kind of got up, got up at each other. Okay. Yeah. And the other one turned around and ran. Yeah. Kind of cool to see. Yeah. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just out there. It's, it's crazy, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so people had that kind of money back then, a few people did, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mined for gold in the, in a river. I didn't catch anything, dude. I mean, obviously I would have told you by now if I had come back with gold, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was doing it and I was like, this is just a waste of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, yeah, we heard that it was like some girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Working at this place, she was like, yeah, I heard somebody got some last summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go out and you do it the way that they would do it back in the day, right? With like a pan that you scoop up stuff and you sift it through. It felt like a colossal waste of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had like time to kill before that plane ride. We're in the middle of Denali National Park, nothing else to do. We'll try to mine for some gold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And nobody caught anything, obviously. Yeah. Just got our shoes all wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It got pretty cold, you know, obviously the higher up you go, the colder it is. So by the time we got to like the middle of that, it was pretty cold out there. It was thirties, forties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was sunset was like 1.30 and then sunrise was 3.30.


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[Assistant] So it was just only a couple hours where, and it only got partially dark even then. So we just, it was just broad daylight.


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[Assistant] It is bizarre to walk out at midnight and it feels like three in the afternoon. It's bizarre. You feel like you should do something. I, you do feel like, yeah, I feel like such a lazy, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, yeah, like native, native Alaskan people. I think they're called. Yeah. Induence, indigenous people. Yeah. Yeah. They're at, they're everywhere. They're all, they're all over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guy, some local, he told me, I would never have thought about this. He goes, you know the worst part about all that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, what? He goes, I got to mow my grass so often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good point. Maybe this guy is just totally making stuff up to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people up there, it's, it's funny, it's a good mix of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people I met were, they, they came to Alaska, they came up here for a summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just stuck around. Like I just couldn't leave. Like the sheer beauty of this place. I just had to stay. A few people grew up there, but most people are like that. We were in this town, Talkeetna, that had no government.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None whatsoever. And I'm talking to this dude who's got a Korean war veteran hat on mustache. He just looks like prototypical Alaska dude. And he goes, y'all might've noticed that we don't have government here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's just the way we like it. Everyone's like, Oh man, somebody goes, what if somebody commits a crime or something? He goes, we take care of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just a different breed up there, man. They just live life differently in some parts. And you understand the appeal of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're like, we don't, we don't have a mayor. There's one town, the mayor was a cat because they, cause it's just a cat that hung out at a general store that they all is stubs or something. They're like, that's the mayor. We don't want a real government. We don't want a police force. We don't want to fire firemen. You don't want anything. We'll do it all ourselves. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, some people come up and try to start stuff. Next thing you know, their car's on fire. They leave. They just get rid of them. See.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They handle stuff themselves, man. It's kinda cool. So murder's legal then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be so easy to get away with murder. Up there. I was thinking about it the whole time. Not the whole time. Lucy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have other people in the plane with me. I have to push them out too. And then I have to land the plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sitting, I sat on that Bush plane, very small plane. I'm very uncomfortable and I'm sitting shotgun. You know, they have to distribute the weight on this plane. So I'm sitting shotgun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very precise about, you have to put on all your gear and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was worried about that, but I had actually lost a bunch of weight from when I submitted my weight months before that. So I was able to show up and they were under budget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, Oh man. Look at this. I'm still the biggest on the plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, it's the front of a small plane. There's buttons everywhere and I don't know. And my knees are like pushing up against these buttons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I told him, I was like, I asked the pilot, I go, can I, what do I, he goes, yea, I don't touch anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It said, uh, something, something that did not look like I wanted to hit it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what a wing, propeller wing or something. I was, I don't want to hit that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he, he, he is giving, it's a scenic thing. He's swooping around, he's jumping between mountains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, parts of it are for sure. And you can, you can see like a storm coming and I was like freaking out. He didn't even phase him. He just like drives right through it and then he'll come down and I'm like, we're getting too low. I thought you were about to clip the side of these mountains at some point. Pretty wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you go, I mean, it's so desolate. That also helped me appreciate the scale.


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[Assistant] As we're flying over places that you can't get to, there's no road out there. And you look down and there's just nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as the eye can see, it's overwhelming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'd like to visit there regularly, but I don't know if I wanna live there. Everything's super expensive there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's so hard to get anywhere, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, I just had a root canal done by the way, but I needed to have it done for like a year. And so I had a toothache when we were on our way to Alaska and I read a story about a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who went hunting in rural Alaska and got a sudden toothache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was so bad, and he was so far away from everybody, he just killed himself, because it hurt so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I thought about that the whole trip too. On this plane, if it crashes or something and I get a bad toothache, I'm going to have to kill myself. So it's a fun trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I Googled, I was worried I had an abscess tooth. So I Googled abscess tooth and then I found that story. No, it just happened to be about Alaska. Like I'm on my way there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's another thing to, to think about being that far away. You know, like a town with no, I understand how it's romantic to be in a city with no government, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'd like a hospital nearby, you know, in Alaska.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do, yeah, there's some comedy going on in Anchorage, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're in it, you're like, this could be anywhere. This could pick this up and put this in Nebraska.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is that where you stayed a lot? For the first couple days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Downtown. And then we took the railroad and that's when you stop in these smaller cities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They looked like what you'd think, I mean, dirty face, huge beards. That's not what I was thinking. What were you thinking? Suit and tie? That's what I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Denali was what the indigenous Alaskans called it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I think McKinley was running for, I think it was running for president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At some point it's like, just name it after me and they're like, alright. And nobody really wanted to there. That's what they say there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you how recently it's, it's some of the museums we went to whenever they had McKinley written, you could see they had like put a piece of tape over it and then they wrote Denali over it. So it must've been pretty recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, is it obvious? They're like, yeah dude, it's obvious. If you see it, you know that's the one. But we never did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The park, and that's where Denali, the mountain, Denali's in there. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to a Iditarog, this guy Dallas Sevey, who's one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did a rod in like, I think, three or four times. He had a bit of a dynasty going there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to his like compound and did sled racing, dog sled racing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With his dogs, yea, me and Lucy. You like mush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't, we didn't mush them, but we're on, uh, we, I had, we had four of them hooked up to us. You're on the dogs. We're on the dogs. I will say for me, they broke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they broke out the Iditarod champions for me. The dogs that they're like, this one won the Iditarod last year. I was like, yeah, I need, you need the cream of the crop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Dallas CV who's won the, I did her out a few times and that's one of the dogs. This is what it looks like. See these little things, these little like chariots back there. You got basically hand breaks and they say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they're, when the dogs are running, you gotta keep those handbrakes at least halfway done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if you totally let go of the brakes, they just let loose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to sprint, those dogs, that's all they want to do is sprint. And I let them go a couple times, and we really got rolling. I was like, oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But every time I'd break, I was kinda, you know, I was bad at it at first. I'd never controlled dogs before. I hit the brakes a little awkwardly, like all four dogs and you just didn't like turn around and look at me and like, what are you doing, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, yeaah, yeaah, I'm learning it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Some of them are just like mutts, they said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're so friendly, dude. None of them bite, you walk right up, they jump on you, they just wanna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Haven't done a justice talking about it, but today, but it, but it was like, it was, it's overwhelmingly beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I just stopped taking pictures cause you're like every, I could take pictures all day. Yeah. Cause everywhere is the prettiest thing I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You love, I knew you would love the wave. You just go, you go there for the wave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you were, if you didn't think this was legit, let me just tell you, investigator Kyle Shaw of the Rocky Mountain Sasquatch organization inspected the footage personally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying, I'm not saying, I'm not saying it's not. Okay. Yeah. That's not a bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks a little overweight. It's like, it's a chubbier one. That's why I get caught.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I recommend it man. It was awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. 43 people lived on that. Probably that's probably who it was. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Attu station here, 43 people live on this island and they're American citizens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up everybody. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. I'm Nate Bargetzi, Sidney with Aaron Weber, Brian Bates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know 2 out of 3 men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they're 35?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeps offers a simple stress free way to keep your hair with treatment starting at just $10 per month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com slash Nate to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash Nate to get your first month free. keeps.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, biggest shout out today to Helix Sleep. Take a two minute sleep quiz and they will match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life.


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[Assistant] There's nobody on the planet like you, so why would you buy a generic mattress built for everyone else? Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash nate. It's up to $200 off on mattress orders and two free pillows at helixsleep.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And thank you to Viori for sponsoring this episode of Nate Land. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Viori.com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75. Uh, welcome everybody. I feel like my voice is, uh, tired. Phil's tired. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think I was starting to lose it. Your voice is, yeah, I'm not losing it, but it was like, it just felt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so yes, thank you everybody for listening. Uh, as always, let's start with, uh, some comments, uh, from YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Apple podcast reviews, and email naiteland at natebargetzi.com. Audra Mayberry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, right off the bat starts off the comments about the rep, about the wrestling episode and mentions the famous wrestler under the taker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw someone post that and I mean, but y'all didn't, no one caught it in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the name of the guy that wrestled him, uh, with just the red trunks. Cause that's where he was the whole time. You were under the taker. That's what someone would try. His friends would have said that. You should go by under the taker. What's that? Well, you were under the undertaker the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just getting everything in there, you know? It's like when you forget to pack something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When Aaron said apple-ness, Nate gave him a stare like Michael Scott gave Toby when he asked him, why are you the way you, why are you the way that you are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Appleness. Why did you say Appleness? You said what makes an apple an apple. Oh, Appleness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did have to look like my boy. Why are you the way you are? Because of the apple-ness. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they would say in philosophy. Right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I sat there on the wheelchair and a couple of people asked me if I was okay. I guess a lonely teenager in a wheelchair with no family around is caused for concern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, my grandma survived and we used her wheelchair to cut in line the rest of the afternoon. I had the, uh, same thing. My grandmother, uh, rode, uh, like that, that ride. I don't know if it was that one, but it was one, uh, I mean, she was at the time, like in her seventies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she, and she was down. Like we had, we had people that didn't want to ride it. And then she was like, I'll go. And she rode it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I've done it. Yeah. You just kind of go up and then it goes out then just drop straight down.


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[Assistant] You don't like going straight down? No, I don't like going down, the elevator.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was just in Miami, we had the elevator, it was really fast, very fast. I liked it because it's very quick. Right before we get on the elevator, are these other, this other,


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[Assistant] So there's like one person with a mask on and two don't. And that one is just mortified. Like they're, I mean, you have to let a lot of them go, but I hear the guy.


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[Assistant] When you get out. Yeah, exactly. After you're done with it. Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to get on the elevator then.


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[Assistant] But Evan, that guy, yeaah, he said he has one, just dropped. From the third floor? From third floor.


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[Assistant] Three floors is a lot. That's a pretty high up, man. And I'm sure there's something in an elevator that makes it like, there's gotta be something grabbing it. Like, I don't think it's a clean cut. There's just so many chords back there, but he says, yeah, you see the drop.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And then you don't know where the floor is at. I mean, you'd have to, you'd have to have a number, the number has to be like three, two, one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's elevators are, you know, claustrophobia. You can feel it a little bit. Like I always just think if I get stuck in one, it's like, I mean, I always think about that. Sometimes you, uh, I'll think about like in elevator to be like three people, what if we got stuck in it forever? We have to start over. Like, I'm just looking at all of us.


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[Assistant] Like who's going to be the leader? Right. Uh, three of us on an elevator locked in there.


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[Assistant] I look up to see if you could open one. But there, uh, it's, uh, uh, I mean, Dwight in the office and they got, he peed in the corner immediately in the first 30 seconds. He's grabbing his


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[Assistant] I always think with claustrophobia too, like if I got stuck in there, like say it's like, uh, you know, like four people in there that you don't know. It's like, I didn't have to tell those four people like, hey, just heads up guys, I got claustrophobia and it's just a ticking time bomb. I'm going to lose it. I'd have to quickly say that.


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[Assistant] I mean everybody, you know, then you just probably elevate the stress of the whole elevator.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I've seen the videos. There's some that get stuck at the very top. I think, uh, like just we're about to go over the hill and they're just up there and they're up there for a long time.


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[Assistant] And that's enough to make you not, you know, it's like if someone doesn't want to ride one, you're like, well that does happen. It doesn't happen a lot, but it happens.


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[Assistant] It shouldn't, I mean, your, your odds. I was like thinking some stuff with those odds and stuff like that, you're, it's almost like, if you look at it backwards, you're like, you'd have to be pretty lucky to get on the one ride that hangs out upside down.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to be, cause if you think of it like that, you're like, what are the, uh, like say if you were riding in that roller coaster and you're like, I'll give you a million dollars if you're the one that gets stuck upside down.


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[Assistant] I mean, there's people that do it, but the odds of you doing that are pretty low that you get to be on that one.


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[Assistant] You know? So I think that with like airplanes. What are the odds? You're the one that goes down.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's just like, you know, I mean, now if you're in it, you're like, oh, then you, then you're like, I won. So then as it goes down, you're at least positive attitude going. I did it. I did it. I can't believe I was the one.


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[Assistant] Melissa Miles, Nate's short rant about the inappropriate use of let's go is my favorite Nate rant to date. My 12 year old says it while watching Clemson football, but he also says it when I bring home his favorite snack from the grocery store.


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[Assistant] Like I understand as a parent that you, I would be like, alright, let's calm it down.


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[Assistant] Uh, where did I hear it? Oh, uh, I was watching a golf thing, uh, with Keegan Bradley last night, like players lessons. They have a great thing on golf channel. Uh, and he said, let's go. He had a shot. He goes, let's go. The people, I don't, they, they, they do, they just don't know they're saying it. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, I'll tell you, he's got till 13. 13, it's gotta be a wrap. You can't be doing that no more. You gotta stay, come up with your own phrase.


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[Assistant] That's what you gotta do. Just come up with your own thing. See if that can catch on. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Let's go has been, you know, I mean, it's unreal and it's over. I mean, Tom Brady says it and then everybody thinks, well, I should say it too. I've never, I've never ran on it. I've never ran. Like, it's like, you know.


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[Assistant] It's, yeah, it's, yeah, I don't know. It's tough. Sarah Rapp. Nate, it is elephant shoes, not elephant foot. Elephant shoes. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think you said I love you. I thought you said olive juice. Uh, that's what I was, can you imagine if you did that and someone knows that you're saying olive juice and you're going.


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[Assistant] You're like, just say it dude, why can't you say all of it? He goes, I don't have any by the way. You can't just buy all of these. I guess it's in all of us already. That's where you, so I guess you can buy it.


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[Assistant] You should buy olives and then there's the olive juice. The juice is in there, yeaah. Do people drink, I know pickle juice people drink, do people drink olive juice?


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[Assistant] Sonny Collins, has anyone verified that the dad scoring tickets for a son who made good grades is not Gary Veeders' dad? Now the guy is asking for a ticket for his wife, when's it gonna end? Could be Gary Veeders' dad. He's back in the system.


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[Assistant] Fun fact, Spielberg's people approached the makers of M&Ms about using them in the film. They declined, which is why it's Reese's Pieces in the film.


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[Assistant] I mean, I'll be honest with you, Eminem might be like, yeah, we're fine. Like Reese's Pieces are, it's not the go-to snack. No.


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[Assistant] We're not giving them, there's someone named Reese that's like, no, they're, they're mine. They're my pieces. They're my pieces. And you're like, no, they're Reese's, Reese's pieces. Uh, we're watching ET tonight.


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[Assistant] All right. Yeah. Yeah. Cause Harper's starting to want to watch some movies with real people. Yeah, that's a cartoon. She's like, you always show me cartoons. That's good. And so we said, all right, show ET. Uh, first movie I saw at a movie theater. It's crazy. You drove in one.


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[Assistant] The Nate Land theme park would have a deal that costs $10 a month for a season pass, but the only way to cancel it would be...


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[Assistant] I like that a lot. Yeah. Uh, uh, my buddy Justin, uh, text me and said the whole, uh, the whole theme park would be, uh, leg day. So it'd be all, it's all just gradually uphill.


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[Assistant] And so by the time you get to the end of it, you don't, you don't realize it was leg day until the next day you wake up. You're like, oh, my legs are killing me today. It was leg day. It's all leg day. It's all leg day. The whole thing is leg day.


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[Assistant] Matt Parrish, at the Nateland theme park, there would have to be a Ryder game called Don't Shake That Baby in one fell swoop. Yep, that'd be good ones.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess so. I bet it'd be something like the baby's asleep and you shake it and it cries. It's the only way for the ride, I guess, because, I mean, it'd be pretty tough to play a game.


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[Assistant] That's like, so the baby's crying the whole day and you're like, well I don't wanna. And that'd be a brutal game.


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[Assistant] To imagine you guys sitting in a rocking chair and it's just welling. You've just got a litter of kids, like babies there. You just pick one up. You imagine that you gotta pay that guy more that runs that.


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[Assistant] That's like worse than you, like if you run, it's a small world. They always say like those who that work there, like it's just all day that. I mean, imagine just babies crying and you got to sit there and you got to, you got to make sure.


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[Assistant] That would be a fun thing, but like, I mean, just imagine going to that, like, and you're explaining that ride to somebody, like, or that game to somebody. You're like, how would he might play that? You're like, you know.


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[Assistant] The guy has to walk around just hitting people, uh, bam, bam, bam, boom.


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[Assistant] They pull up a graph of it. Yeah, here's a chart. Here's a chart of, uh, how many babies are being shook.


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[Assistant] Greg Cannon, on every new ride at Nate Land theme park, there's a lady that leans over a guy and says to you, hey, you need to cut your phone off.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, you know I always get asked, that's an old joke, uh, people ask if I ever found that lady, and I did not.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I hope so. I've got another joke, uh, now in my new hour where it's another, uh, lady that did something. See if we can find her.


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[Assistant] It'd be interesting to see. I mean, we found that, did we talk about that? The Cape Fear Serpetarium. Did we ever tell that part? We found the kid that had to get bit by the snake.


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[Assistant] You used to tell them your act. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So like, yeah, the Cape Fear joke where the kid got bit by the snake, but I can't remember the snake now. Uh, Gaboon Viper? Yeah, Gaboon Viper. And, uh, there, we've found the story about that kid. And so like I, the doctor actually emailed.


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[Assistant] The guy that, the guy that was the doctor. That's why it's fun to do these jokes.


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[Assistant] Because it's like, it gets out. And then people are like, hey, and you know, and that doctor emailed and said that kid, he got on the bus with the snake in the bag.


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[Assistant] And was like, he was like white or whatever it does to him. And the bus driver, uh, knew about snakes, was into snakes and could tell.


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[Assistant] He's like, could tell something was up. And then like, was like, what was it? And then looked at the snake and was like, yo dude, you gotta go to the hospital like now, like you're going to die. And, uh, and I think the bus might've drove him to the hospital and then the doctor worked on him that day. And then that, that kid just ended up.


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[Assistant] He's like, I mean, just. Cost of doing business, dude. Cost of doing, yeaah. You get bit by a snake sometimes. Uh huh. And just keeps rolling.


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[Assistant] Sally Ann Jones, I was one of Disney World's first Princess Anna character performers. I think there were only like eight of us playing the role when I started, so I was part of the insane frozen craze of that year.


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[Assistant] I was cracking up when y'all were talking about the divide between the old characters and the new characters because that was totally true when I was there.


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[Assistant] Anna and Elsa were the, like the stuff.


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[Assistant] With, uh, lines up to eight hours back then. However, most performers play more than one character. I performed as Ariel as well, so I wouldn't say it's too hostile between the old and new.


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[Assistant] Princesses really do love their jobs and it was really hard for me to leave, to leave it to go back to college. I do feel so lucky to have been able to make magic for so many folks from all around the world. Yeah, she was in it, I mean that was the top. You know? Your daughter may have met her. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I bet, I mean, her whole, you just got people just telling her like, we were there, I think when you were there, do you remember us at all? And she's like, I mean, all these kids just blend in. She's like, I don't know, I remember one kid with all of your faces.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there, yeah. I mean, it is gotta be fun though. You just seeing these, I mean, you just, every kid that comes up. Oh, every kid, every kid that comes up is like, you're her. And then you're like, yeah. Yeah, I am. I am her.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, yeaah. Chris Ramsey.


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[Assistant] Kings Island had a meal plan where you can eat a meal every few hours at a number of the in-park restaurants. My buddy lived and worked just a few miles away from the park, so he bought a Kings Island pass as well as an annual meal plan. He would drive to Kings Island on his lunch break as well as after work to eat for free.


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[Assistant] This took a turn, which I attributed to his theme park calorie intake.


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[Assistant] Which I attribute to his theme park calorie intake. You couldn't say calorie intake?


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[Assistant] What like makes you, like with a word, like calorie, and then you're like, all right, great, we're done with that word. And then someone's like, what if we use it a different way?


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[Assistant] Just put a C on the end of it there. Like just caloric. Is there just a C? We'll just say caloric then. Okay. All right, that works. X worth. And then they type that out. Uh, yeah, I had a caloric.


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[Assistant] I would have done exactly what this guy, I would go there, that makes unbelievable sense.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so I feel like they caught on to that guy and then they just moved those people up a little further. Is it different now?


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[Assistant] It varies. So there's, there's some where you can tell you can't get to concessions until you give them the ticket. Uh, Hollywood, or uh, Hollywood 27. And Aubrey Mills. Aubrey Mills was like that. Aubrey Mills, you had to.


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[Assistant] Kind of wild back there, and they gotta be able to stop it at some, you know, they gotta stop you at some point. They have multiple ones some places too. They have like another.


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[Assistant] They, uh, we used to go see movies, two movies. That was a big comic thing.


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[Assistant] I feel, I think it's a big everybody's thing. During the day? During the day, like you would, uh, you'd do it all the time. You'd just go sneak in. I remember when I saw Paul Blart.


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[Assistant] And, but it was, that movie was sold out and two people had to sit on the stairs because we had our, their seats. And I, I mean, I, and I'm just not, I was like, we got to go. That's good. It's fine. We're already in, like, you know, they know someone's didn't pay for these tickets. And so it's like, you're like, you got to just act like you're there. And I mean, I think we were too old. I think we were just too old.


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[Assistant] But there, yeaah, we used to, that would always go see, uh, we'd always go see movies, go see a couple of them.


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[Assistant] What did you want to see? You liked it so much. It was a great movie, man. I don't think I ever watched them.


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[Assistant] They're pretty good. Yeah. No, I bet they are. Again, I think I was, my age was kind of just like. I was in, I was in third or fourth grade, fourth or fifth. And you, and your, your family stayed, everybody stayed?


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[Assistant] Yeah, they just dropped you off and y'all went in there. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, you're, so you're nine, 10 years old. You say you don't think Harper could duck out to the movie theater and watch seven hours in a month. Uh, I don't think we're going to drop her off. I mean, I, I get the idea of dropping her off, but I think you gotta be teenagers before you really, even if I'm going to come pick them up.


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[Assistant] I could see like, even if you go pick them up and you're like, hey, we're going to drop you off. And you're like, uh, just call us on the pay phone or something when you're, it's time to come. But I would, I bet it's, could you walk home?


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[Assistant] But that would make sense. That was an option. Yeah. An option would be if you got a buddy that lives nearby. So y'all went to his house and then would go over. You could go home. Right, we could. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I even have trouble always getting to the mad nays, especially on the road, cause it's always like 11 or new years and you're like never really up and running around by the end. And so like a mad nays pretty tough. You always go to like, you have to go like a two, like a two, a nice two o'clock movie on the road.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. At two o'clock? Yeaah. No one's in there.


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[Assistant] They're, I mean, that's the Seinfeld. Yeah, the movie.


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[Assistant] You know, they book those, we've learned it in the drive-ins, movie theaters, like they have, there's agents that like, have movies and be like, hey, we want our movie to come to your place. And that's how they like get, and they get them in. In the theater, the drive-ins specifically have to like, be like, we don't want it.


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[Assistant] You know, art's, it's not gonna do well here or something. And this one, I remember, cause in Louisville, the guy,


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[Assistant] I mean they were just begging him to take stuff and he was doing live shows and he was like, I'm doing shows and he's like, I can't, you know.


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[Assistant] It's a guy, I got this going on, we don't have the room for it.


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[Assistant] But drive-ins would have trouble getting movies because they want them on as many screens as possible. And so driving is only one screen.


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[Assistant] And so it's like, well, you gotta play there. But then with the pandemic, they were.


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[Assistant] Movies are closed, so it was all driving, so it was like just trying to get...


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[Assistant] In high school, I was at Kings Island with my dad, brother, and cousin.


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[Assistant] My dad lost his keys early in the afternoon on a ride. They told us we could look for them when the park closed. When was that at? Midnight.


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[Assistant] We wandered around freezing until the park closed only to find out we had to sit outside the front gate until the workers searched the ride. They did again and again. No luck. Meanwhile, we sat alone.


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[Assistant] Eventually they told us they couldn't find them and all the park employees left. Security gave us phone numbers to taxis that didn't pick up out there and we left too. We were stranded and left completely alone outside. We ended up calling 911 for a ride to a hotel.


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[Assistant] Years later, the single car ended up in our mailbox, the single car key ended up in our mailbox in Kentucky without the rest of the keys set. Worst night of my life. The fact that they found them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you don't believe that they got the key? No. Security gave us, uh, yeaah, years later, the single car key ended up in our mailbox in Kentucky without the rest of the key set. I feel like someone did it as a joke or something, that they print all that sort. And I believe all, like the hanging out, that's crazy. Yeah, it is crazy.


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[Assistant] I mean, just think like back then too, no, there's no Ubers, there's none of that stuff, like it's, uh, you know.


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[Assistant] It's crazy. Yeah. Like you, I mean, you're just, you had to call. Yeah. Like taxis were, you didn't even know that they were a thing.


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[Assistant] Like outside of New York, like, I mean, yeah, someone that's like, if you met someone,


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[Assistant] In any town, basically I was in New York and you were like, I started, I started a taxi company. You'd be like, why? Who's taking them?


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, at the airport, I guess they've been rolling. That's about it though. That's about it. Yeah. Maybe people use them more. I mean, I remember, I think, I remember people saying they were going to call a taxi, but I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah. The new wife. Oh yeah. Erin, is she still, she still likes them? She's, I think she's wearing them today, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great Viori. You can wear them all the time. You wear, they're, they're great. Ordering online is very easy and everything has a great fit to it. Do yourself a favor and get your own Viori. You wore yours on stage. You still wear your Viori. It looks good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makes it look so, they make it so it looks great in everyday life. Not only in the gym, but so many people are still working from home. So if you're worried you can look nice, you feel great, you can run errands. It's always great that you can


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's, you gotta dress up at home. Like, you know, that's the hard part when everybody works from home, you end up wearing, like,


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[Assistant] Just nothing. And it feels good to like, you put, get up, put something on, be productive.


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[Assistant] Fiori is an investment in your happiness for our listeners. They are offering 20% off your first purchase.


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[Assistant] Slash Nate, that's V U O R I dot com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns. Go to Viori dot com slash Nate and discover Viori clothing like we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeps offers a simple stress free way to keep your hair. There are only two FDA approved medications that can prevent hair loss and keeps offers both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's pretty crazy. There's only two and then they offer both. Convenient virtual doctor, consultants and medic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like better than Mirama Seinfeld where they, he was ordering the hair stuff. Yeah, from China. China put it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a much better way. Keeps has more five star views than any of its competitors. Prevention is key. Treatments can take four to six months to see results. So act fast. If you do it now, think about where you're being six months, you have hair, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you feel about all this? You're wearing a hat today because you're so nervous. You need to get some keeps.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com slash nate to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash nate to get your first month free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] K-E-E-P-S dot com slash Nate. Keeps helping men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeps helps men keep their hair and prevent hair loss. If you've already, if you're already entirely bald, keeps is not the right solution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially that one, like when you get bald, like at the top right there. Yeah. Like that's always a tough one. You always see that sometimes like on TV and cause everything looks good on TV. Then they get a wrong angle and it's like boom. It's there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's who this is for right there, man. You got a little, you start to go bald at the top, keeps.com, slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big shout out to also the Helix mattress. I know some of you are sleeping on some old mattresses at night and you deserve better than that. So give yourself an upgrade. Go online and get a Helix mattress like we did. We love our Helix Dusk Luxe mattress. It's soft and still firm. It's very comfortable. Like I always say, we have, we've had


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[Assistant] Every comic comes in, they always sleep on that Helix mattress. They, everyone have loved it and our sizes that we've had sleep on it have been the most variety that you can possibly have. Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preference.


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[Assistant] To the perfect mattress for you. Everybody's unique and Helix knows that so they have several different mattresses, models to choose from. They have soft, medium, firm mattress. So if you're looking for a mattress, take the quiz, order the mattress, then you'll be matched to and then the mattress ships free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it, like we always say is, uh, just the greatest thing to open. Just so fun to open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't ever need to go to a mattress store again and no one's going to stores anymore. It's like better, even when you go to a mattress store, you can never like you lay on it and you're like, this is good, right? And you're like, I don't know. Like you can't tell. So you go do this quiz. It will tell you to do it. If you don't like it, they will return it, but you're going to love it. Just go to helixsleep.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes two minutes to take that sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10 year warranty. You get to try it out for 100 nights. That's, I mean, that's risk free. That's why you do this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hundred nights, I mean that's a long time, you can really try a mattress out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we do it with pillows. We are, we always have trouble finding pillows. So it's like, you, you know, it's like, you got, you got to try a pillow out, like see, cause you end up, you don't know. It's hard to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helixsleep.com slash Nate for up to $200 off and two free pillows. Alright, uh, this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we're actually doing some little different. We have, uh, no topic. No topic. We're gonna see if we can just do it without it.


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[Assistant] No, no, I like going, I like letting them know. Uh, I like to see what's going to happen. Uh, you know, we've had a lot going on and a lot of stuff's happened, so we're like, you know, that's what this is about. It's about trying things. We should be able to do.


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[Assistant] Yeah, at the, uh, there's a wedding gift. So someone said, welcome, welcome to marriage. Here's some jeans.


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[Assistant] Khakis, I wore khakis a lot. I remember, khakis were cool. Like I almost, I wore em, I wanted to wear some on stage too, uh, I'll go back to some khakis.


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[Assistant] Yeah, khakis are fun. I always wore them, uh, like it was a very southern thing to wear khakis. Yeah. I think cause you wear khakis in a t-shirt and that was like, uh, I think that's pretty southern khaki shorts.


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[Assistant] People would wear khaki pants and a t-shirt. I remember when I was like in high school, that was like a big, we had to wear khaki pants on, uh, I think we could wear jeans. We had to wear khakis on, Wednesday you had to wear like a tie. But, uh, but we, khakis and a t-shirt was a big, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's crazy. You, you have lost a ton of weight. Like from the beginning of this podcast to like when you, like when I saw it the other day. And it's like, it's a pretty.


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[Assistant] I said that to someone the other day. I was like, it's like a feeding, I think some people say it like that. It sounds like your feeding window.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I want to, I know it made me, I want to try the, cause I was like, uh, I had to buy, I didn't, my clothes went on my, uh, bag didn't make it. I just had to go to the store to buy some stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and there's like this cool store, but it's, uh, called Gray, G-R-A-E, if you're in Omaha, it's a good store. They, uh, they were very nice. They stayed open, let us, cause they were about to close and we had to go straight from the plane cause we missed our, our flight was delayed, so we missed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we had to get another flight and then, uh, so I had to go there and buy stuff. And I bought like these, uh, hoodies to wear on stage. And I actually liked what I was wearing. And then it's like, I wore, I posted, I had a picture of it, like on my Instagram. And it's like, I just, I was saying my dumb fat nipples.


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[Assistant] Just God, they're the worst. They are the worst. And like, I was like, I got it. You know, I've done good with no sugar, but then I ate ice cream at the end. Something fell upon me. Like, it's like, it's just a nightmare. It's like, you're just eating. I mean, I, like I, the other day I realized, I mean, I think I had three hamburgers.


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[Assistant] Like it was like just you're on the, like being on the road is just, nothing's, uh, you can't eat anything.


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[Assistant] I don't think, I don't, I mean I know everybody like thinks of it, when you have no consistency, when you're not at home, it's impossible.


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[Assistant] And the way our schedules are is like every, when you go on stage, you don't always want to eat before.


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[Assistant] And then when you get off stage, it's, I mean, if two shows, I mean, I'm done it. Then you don't always want to eat in the middle of the shows. Cause you're, I mean, you're still like, got like, you're kind of amped up. You're still, you know, it's like, you don't have this big appetite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, if you can get done at midnight, well, there's nothing open. Yeah. There's nowhere to go. There's not like a.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like, well McDonald's, I know sells like healthy stuff and you're like, you're not gonna just go there and be like, alright, I'll just get that every time.


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[Assistant] I've started doing that where I realized my, I can, I can eat something. I can eat a, like a pizza at eight AM.


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[Assistant] Like you go to the airport and like the pizza is open and you're like, I'll just eat this pizza. I feel like that's a, that's a line you don't want to cross. I feel like that's, that's where you get over and, uh, it's like, you're like, I shouldn't be in the mood for this stuff. You don't need to have breakfast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeaah. Actually, I might redo that as a joke. I'm trying to get like, uh, I need some more. I was on the road with the.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Laura's got to do that. Really? Yeah, Laura's got to, she's in the order that it's like, even if it's the act, like even if we're about to go, it's, you know, if it's like 11 and like where we, we have a, we're going to meet someone at lunch for 1230, it's like, she's got to


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[Assistant] And so you shouldn't, I don't think you're right, you should be like, you should be like, no, I can't, I could never right now.


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[Assistant] I like that you did, so I thought about doing that, you only did a 4 hour window. 4 hours and then 20 hours off, yeaah. How long were you doing, how long have you done this now?


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[Assistant] You were eating somewhat healthy, and you didn't eat any fast food.


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[Assistant] Well yeaah, that's pretty hell, I mean that's, you would have, you could have probably ate more if you just. Maybe. If you cut bread out, I think that's pretty big.


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[Assistant] I like the idea, I was telling someone, cause they were talking about it, like losing weight, cause it's always hard with people always, cause they're always like, just eat everything in moderation, you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea dude, you're like, it's just hard. Like, it's, it's, some people it's easy to do, some people it's not. Or like, you know, just don't go eat, you know, if you go to McDonald's or if you go eat somewhere, you eat a burger, but also get a salad. And you're like.


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[Assistant] You're like, I don't, my brain doesn't work like that. Like it's just, I go, I do it all. Like I, you know, and I figure like if I eat a burger, I'm like, well, I'm already eating bad. Might as well just do fries too. Like, you know, uh,


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[Assistant] I like the idea of the four hour window because it's, it's like at least putting some structure in a very non-structured life. Yeah. Like it's like you're whatever you're, you know, it's like, and I know everybody would say like,


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[Assistant] People are like, oh, that stuff doesn't work or blah, blah, whatever. It's like, it's like tricks.


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[Assistant] But Interim Fasting, a lot of people live their life by that, where it's like, you just kind of like do this window. I always thought I would do my window if I want to try it.


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[Assistant] And, uh, again, just have it like, like I go, I'm here this week, but then next week is like.


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[Assistant] Do another thing, like I'm going to three different time zones, uh, next week. All in, within three days of each other.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and so like, that's, you're, you're just like, it's, it's, it's, it's ridiculous. And if you just go like, I'm not, I can't eat. Then you just are like, all right, I can't eat. Like I gotta avoid food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, so then it's, you know, then it's not like I'm deciding. But then if I'm in my little window, it's like, alright, if something happens, if you eat a burger and fries, it's like, at least it's in that window.


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[Assistant] Not actually go see any of this stuff, just kind of, yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Uh, I don't know. I'm just along for the ride. Did you look at that hike? Pretty tough. He said a hike. I think Lucy did on my behalf. She was like, I think we need this.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Start at the top. Well, you'd want to go just walk. Yeah. Yeah. The planes will drop you off up there.


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[Assistant] When I did, uh, yeaah, I can't even remember what stories I told about them in Maine. I told that, right? Yeaah. Yeaah. The moose, they kill people. Yeaah. So, be careful with that.


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[Assistant] You think? I don't know. I mean, I think so. I thought I've heard that, but I don't know for sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like a bear everybody's naturally scared of and a moose people are not and they don't realize this is like hippos. Like, you know, like hippos are like that where everybody you think you're looking for the alligator. You'd be looking, you'd be looking for that hippo. The hippo is the problem. That's the, yeah, they're brutal and they can move too. And they're hungry.


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[Assistant] He's from here, right? Who'd you give that to? R.A. Dickie? Was he in your wedding?


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, well that's, cause I mean, yeah, he was, he's passed away.


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[Assistant] I don't think, I, I, I, I do, yes, I do think it is with that with Tony Gwynn, but I, I don't know if people, it's, that was so long ago. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But I think people are gonna, they just won't think of him. It's like, you know what I mean? You gotta be so popular that you don't ever go away.


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[Assistant] Like the way that people talk about Babe Ruth still now or Mickey Mantle now.


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[Assistant] I think they don't talk about Tony Guinn because they were at the biggest team. Like Mike Trout. Mike Trout could end up being done.


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[Assistant] There's people that probably don't even, they never even heard the name Mike Trout. And Mike Trout is arguably, people think,


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[Assistant] They might, Albert Pujols would probably be a lot of people like, Oh, that's like Albert Pujols. He went to that team, right? Cause he was with the Cardinals. He was a bigger team and like, there's going to be people that don't even know Mike Trout.


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[Assistant] I totally get what you, I get what you're saying, but yeah, I mean, if you're, yeah, if you're, I guess, if you're a diehard baseball fan and you're our age.


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[Assistant] Mike Trout or Chipper Jones would find this conversation good and we're talking about them.


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[Assistant] Did, so this was at your wedding, we're gonna show this, uh, you had the, these were given away. I didn't even see.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. Do y'all ever let up, uh, about the Notre Dame thing or are you pretty hammer at home as the fam?


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[Assistant] Well y'all started singing it real late. It was great to meet a lot of your family.


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[Assistant] I like to, I like talking to him. Your dad tried to get me to do comedy. At night. No. Yeah, he tried to negotiate with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no. I mean, they were, your whole family was wonderful. Uh, your dad was great. Like, yeah, I thought your parents, I thought, I was worried that they would be like, cause I always joke about y'all's family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like what if they're like, hey, your family is awesome, dude. They get it. Like they're, they're like very fun. And then your, uh, your cousins, they like all the jokes about your family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said you were, they said your family was very talented and it was always like, your, your, your cousins all had to like, it'd always be like, Hey, here comes the Weber family and you are like singing songs like the Von Trapp family. Yeah.


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[Assistant] You played piano during your wedding? Oh, uh.


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[Assistant] The wedding was, uh, uh, yeah, the wedding was very, very nice. Yeah. I missed the ceremony. That's okay. Uh, you know, yeah, we were there. I waited outside the gate till it was over. Seven minutes. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We barely, yeaah. Yeaah, I'm not, I was coming from Omaha is why I missed it. And like, uh, so, uh, we couldn't get there and we got there right when it ended. Uh, I was coming from St. Louis and I made it. Huh? You had a nonstop flight? What time did you leave? I have the layover. I left it, uh, I think I left at noon. Hmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the weekend. Pretty easy. Yeah. I wasn't done till pretty late. Uh, they, it was your weekend. Good.


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[Assistant] See, y'all just said soy. Neither one of you know what it is. It's not soy sauce. I get it's not soy sauce, but everybody, but like, I always think everybody was, you go like.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying you do this, but most everybody, well I am saying you do this, most everybody goes, they go, there's soy in the bottom of it, and they go, okay, you don't know what soy is, but everybody just says the soy.


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[Assistant] And then that's when people like me feel dumb is cause I'm like, God, I don't know what soy is. And then you go, hey, guess what? Nobody knows what it is.


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[Assistant] So this article says I don't know the details.


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[Assistant] Why would you write an article and in it go, long story short, I didn't really dive too much into it. I had to just do this article on the way out.


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[Assistant] They chew through the thing. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Where they don't like, tack you, they're just like, you know. And you can't kill em.


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[Assistant] We're going to see a nice drawing of that. I just want to see someone's going to draw you with a wet backpack with a BB gun in your camo hat looking for squirrels.


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[Assistant] They're working, I'll tell you what, a big, big problem. And it's one that you, you know, I feel like there's always like problems in, uh, like in the, in the country.


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[Assistant] Uh, some of them you're always like, I don't, you know, you're like, it's like almost like the tax pro or whatever some crazy stuff like that is, you're like, you don't feel.


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[Assistant] But this working is a big problem. They cannot hire people anywhere. McDonald's here.


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[Assistant] Has a big sign, big sign they're paying, you know, uh, off, like we need people.


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[Assistant] No one's, they, I mean, you go to hotels, dude, they're not, they, they're so understaffed and like, uh, getting a room clean, just not going to happen. Like, and some of it they say cause of COVID, but they don't have the staff. Even these, uh, you go to a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, the great restaurant we talked about, I think we talked about the hotel. Surdy.


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[Assistant] I think it was Sarity. I can't remember. It was in Des Moines.


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[Assistant] Downtown, great hotel, restaurant down there, awesome people. But he talked about like, people would see these tables open, and like, when you go by the restaurant, they don't look like they're busy, you know, and everybody's like, well you can sit people. And he's like, we don't have the staff to sit people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Covid and what it's about, like, we can't get anybody to work. That's a major.


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[Assistant] You can feel it dude, it's everywhere. I mean, at the Omaha, when I talk about eating at Omaha, it's like this one girl behind, and she's...


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[Assistant] And you, like, you have to go pay at like a counter, like a different store. Cause she can't, she's gotta cook this food. Like it's just, and she's just by herself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, table for four business meeting, please. Uh, we're from Hollywood. You're from Memphis, Tennessee. It's my favorite Andy Kaufman. Did I say that? It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the Jim Carrey movie where he's talking about wrestling men in the moon. Yea, men in the moon and he goes, he goes to, he's wrestling women, which is so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so funny dude that Andy Coffin wrestled women and then like would get people just furious that he's wrestling these women. And then he went to Memphis, Tennessee. Look up the Memphis, Tennessee Hollywood thing and he yells at me. Me and Soder always do it. He goes, I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, you're all just from Memphis, Tennessee. I'm from Hollywood. And just yells at him often. And the dude, they would be so mad that he said that it's, uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Oh, that's what I would guess is Jerry law law. Yeah.


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[Assistant] There's no way we're going to be able to play this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, I guess he said a Jerry Lawler. It's just so...


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[Assistant] It's such a funny thing to, uh, say. I mean, I, dude, him resting women is so great. Yeah, somebody commented that.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. They were all in on it. I mean, that's the fact that no one knew. Think back then. I mean, there's...


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[Assistant] You could do so much stuff. You know, now, like, there's a lot of stuff people don't know, like, on the internet, like, just with, you don't know the story, you don't know whatever, a lot of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of fake stories get kind of thrown out very quickly. Back then it's like this slow build of like he's just playing the whole country.


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[Assistant] It's, uh, on Letterman. I mean, I don't know if Letterman was in on it.


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[Assistant] I don't know if here, does he ever get the credit he should get for that? Like it's such a...


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[Assistant] So yeaah, I've never heard the squirrel thing though. Pretty well.


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[Assistant] You do in the fact that like, look, you, you do in the fact that it's not like you know her, like you're like friends with her, like, you know, it's like you're friends with her brother, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say her brother would almost could have an argument and say he would rather her not be there.


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[Assistant] But you do in the story of like, it would just be a zoo and crazy.


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[Assistant] So that's kind of fun, but like if her, you know, uh, cousin is like, it just, if she doesn't, you know, her, I mean, her brother, you know, it's like, it's always about you. So, I mean, but you want your sister there. I mean, how do you not want that? But like, he could have an argument to be. Oh, you mean for his wedding? Yeah, for his wedding. I'm saying like for you, you do like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I know. But it's like, uh, but, but like her, I could see someone in her family being like, it's too, it's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try to sit in the back and watch and try to stay out of the, have it be very dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did good when y'all went around to the tables. That was good. You gotta do something like that. You gotta be in control of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the wedding is, the wedding day I think is like, it's, er, it's, most everybody it's like chaotic. They always tell you to eat. I mean, I don't think we, I don't even know if we ate at ours, like, or they, they make a plate for you later and you eat it, it's cold. Like you don't get, always get like this perfect meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why everybody gets, everybody gets, it's really, everybody else gets to eat this wonderful food and then you end up like eating a cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was great. It was, yeah, we always, I was talking, our wedding was, uh, which I've talked about it. It was like, we're, we're going to do like, I need to do a reception again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause Laura was saying like, like renewing vows or, or if you got, if we got like remarried or something like that, but she thinks it's the kiss of death to do that. Like we wouldn't, then you definitely split up. But a lot of people renew vows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a lot of people go to renew their vows. But what are you renewing your vows? I guess you're just like, you're still together. Like what do you, you know, it's like almost. I know people who join a different type of church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes sense. But just renewing your vowels out of nowhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not enough. You want more than that? There's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I would do a reception again. I would like to do like that. Like do something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, just, I mean basically just throwing another party. But like ours, like to do ours where we, we just, you know, we, we got married, we just, it was not, it was not that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so crazy. Like it was, and it's just like, we were so, we were, they were Harper's age. Like it was unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, Dorfman said to the guy that owns Zany's, he told me about hiring Lucy, and it was very nice, but he's like the story, like he met her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was a assistant or something in Charlotte. Yep. Uh, Heffernan, uh, which is a great comedy zones are in Charlotte and that's always, they've been around forever and he's a great dude. And she was like, just, he could see her passion for comedy and was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Hers is like, I had to fly down there. I begged for the job. I fought for this and you're like, well, we're in the middle. Yeah, that's true. Everything is always in the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's hard for people to give speeches too, like that. Like they're, when they do have to give a toast, cause they know it's just comics there. And so, but I always think when people, if you, if you, if you do give speeches that use, all the toast and stuff were great, it's like just be, we still laugh at like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't you say the driver was texting? I was watching, I guess he, I figured he probably texted to say we're leaving or something. Uh, but it was funny as you guys walk up and everybody's got sparklers and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As you're walking down the thing, it's this big like, uh, congrats and all this stuff. And you just see him. It's like a comic texting right before they go up. Where you're like, Hey, are you not in this man? Like you feel like the driver should be in it. Like be a little more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, as you walk down the things, you're about to be there, but it's, it's, uh, you know, you figure he would just be in it smiling and like, I mean, like, and then open the door and be like, congratulations. Did he say congratulations? He did. Okay. He said, congratulate, you know, it's like, or somebody you just see him. He was like texting. I mean, you're almost two of them. And he's just like, what's that? He's playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see people driving down highways with that stuff on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we get a lift, uh, we get right over to the hotel, I think. Yeah. That's a pretty good car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, those shows were all good. Justin Smith, uh, opened for me. Uh, I golfed with Larry the Cable Guy. Played two days with him. He's the best dude. She's a good dude. Uh. Good golfer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he played his best round he's ever played. He shot a 78. Wow. Uh, yeah. Putting was putting out of his mind. Long, long putts. Also speaking of golf, we had a, uh, Nate Land podcast. This is John Augustine. Finished top 25.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the, in a, in a PGA event this weekend. Oh, I didn't see that. Yeah, crazy dude. His first one, first cut he made in the PGA finished in top 25.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I was very excited. Like it's fun. I mean, I would say like this is, it's fun to while you're watching this kid, he does not have his card. He's not, you know, he's going to earn his way onto the tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and I mean for him to be, he was tied ninth at one point and, uh, just played, played terrific. And, uh, so it was fun to get a, like, you know, just getting to all weekend, like keep an eye out on him. I loved it. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like a very, uh, god, I can't, I'm trying to think of the reference of a question. Like, uh, feels like a very broad question that's like, why is golf? Why do people like to golf? I don't know. He's, he's not tall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be any link, but yeaah, he can drive it. Yeaah, they can smash it. Like, uh, he hits it like three, I think he was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Uh, and they just know how to hit it. They just hit the middle of the face. Like they just know how to hit the middle of the face. Yeah. Middle of the face is everything. Like, and they hit the middle of the face. So obviously the, and then some, but obviously the guys that are very long and lanky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get a ton more speed. That's why like Bubba Watson, all those guys are, end up being longer. John Daly had that, like he just had like very long smooth. I mean, John Daly is so good that it's, it's unreal how good, it's so crazy how good this guy is and just to be a mess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just a mess of a dude and, but he is, I mean I saw him hit not too long ago and like he's just right now his hands are just, he just is so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good. When he won the PJ Championship, his first major,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They supposedly, there's, I don't know if this is true or not, uh, but I played at the chorus, uh, Crooked Stick that they, uh, where they won that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And no one even knew who this dude was. And then it's him coming out and supposedly, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the, like one day this girl runs out and gives him like a big hug and kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the, uh, fairway and everybody heard something and everybody thought it was his wife and it wasn't. It was a, I believe a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the crowd he was bringing. I was trying to say what's the nicest way to be able to say sir. Uh, but he was like, you know, and I mean, then he just boomed on the scene and his son actually played that same tournament and, uh, not in a major, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he's an amateur and was the ninth alternative and finished second at the same course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah. So, yeaah. I don't know, is that, was that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Thank you. Could you compete in the air, be in the air force? My grandfather's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Air Force does a lot of crazy, they always, I think their big joke is the chair force. Like that's the, uh, but I remember going and doing all the USO stuff and, uh, you would talk to Air Force and Air Force always had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their jobs were pretty wild. Like it was, it was like, yeah, they're not just, it wasn't, you know, everybody obviously does different stuff, military, like army and like they're like in it. And the air force is like, they're just like, they do some pretty crazy stuff and like what they keep an eye out on is even pretty crazy. And now they're dealing with aliens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Air Force. And they go, we'd like to be a part of it. And they say no. And you go, well, air is in our title and they're flying in our air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they don't have, yeah, Space Force doesn't have merch. Exactly. Air Force is like, no, let's be, I bet a lot of Air Force went to Space Force.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a pretty, that's a, that's a statistic that doesn't need to be set. Like they go, in five years, they're going to be gone. And they're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think the show, I think it'd be better for them to go, in 20 years they'll all be gone. Cause obviously it won't be 20. But at least say 20, dude. You're just like, I'd be like, we're putting most of them down every day. I mean, the guy in five years. Here you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, do you think you would be? No, I'm past that curve. How old am I past it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but if they're, like you're saying you have to be a certain age for them to even try, like they're not going to do this to an 80 year old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be, I don't know all the details, but 100, 100, 100, some people will be living. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be home, be home. You should say go to, then go to Broadway afterwards and party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's good. Alright, let me change that. We'll all be home. Come to my show. We're gonna watch 60 Minutes live. See the, come to my show, then you watch the nightly news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, oh, the 10 o'clock? No, no, no, no, no. The 6 o'clock news. You'd be there early, probably catch a little bit of 5.30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a great club. It's a big club. They did, uh, yeaah, it was the first place I ever went up. They had a piano on stage. Not ever went up, but it was the first club I ever worked. I hosted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe they're taking it back and forth. I saw a fight break out in there too, Kyle Kanane. That's it. Zamey's Chicago is a great, it's an old club, it's been around for a long time. And, uh, they, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, uh, CalCanada was on stage and I was in the very back. It's a very, it's a long room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was in the back so I could hear them. And these, someone tells someone to be quiet, blah, blah, blah. And they just really get into it. And it's basically a fight breaking out. And it's so far back in the room and they're in the front. So like Kyle could, he could tell something's going on, but not, you can't completely because it's just too far back. And, but I'm sitting back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I'm just like in it. And then these two dudes, one was like an undercover cop or like, and so he's a police officer and, uh, they're just both drunk, you know, just, and then I get somehow I'm in the back of the kitchen and they're by the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just like in it. It looks like I'm a part of it. And I'm just sitting there like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and that like in the, in the cops came that were on duty and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the hard part. If you're a cop, if you get into an argument with a cop that's off duty and then he gets to be like, well, I'm a cop. And then you're like, well, what am I going to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but then you can't do anything. And then like he gets to pull that card to be like, well, I'm a cop. They're going to come out of all the people. You got to start fighting someone else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I'll be at Naples, uh, June 11th, 13th, and then, uh, Rain Check Tour. All on sale now, and we'll be adding cities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People keep always still saying, you coming here? Yeah, we're coming everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we'll be there. Alright, this was an off the cuff episode, so. Wasn't bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We will see you guys next week. Have a good weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you both did an arena this weekend. Did you start your set that way? Did you say hello folks out there, Brian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played golf this weekend for the first time. First time. First time playing 18 holes, like actually on a real golf course with my father-in-law. And there are a couple of times where we were hidden from the white, white tees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Something funny about golf is bad hit, bad hit. It's no fun. And then you get one good hit and I was like, all right, I'm in, I'm in for the rest of this, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I hit a house. I was hitting into the water. I was really, and I'm dude, I on the par four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a nice drive that had seven iron, nice hit. I'm on the green. I'm like three feet from, I'm about to birdie. Like a real birdie. And I just, I missed it by about 30 feet. The putt. I got so mad. On a three foot putt? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that their long pants in Charleston like an idiot? Why'd you do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought a bunch of golf clothes before I lost any weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had some long pants and like a big golf shirt and that's all I had. So it's like 110 degrees in Charleston.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see the first pitch that went viral this weekend? So many people tagged me in it. That girl, she's a gymnast or somebody who did like a backflip. Should I try something like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's Stubbs, by the way. This is the honorary mayor of Talkeetna. Oh. For 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll like this Nate, on August 31st, 2013 Stubbs was attacked and mauled by a dog while roaming the streets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mayor got attacked by a wild dog. That's Alaska for ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Clyde is a, you don't see that name very often. Clyde? Yeah. Bonnie and Clyde. Mhm. That's about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's probably drunk? Inebriated, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How you feeling about today? Prediction? Prediction for today, Brian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did you only get milk? Did you not get anything else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have all the games archived on MLB TV. I can go in and find that later. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. Yeah, right after a walk. That's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've noticed there is, there's an increase, there's a real backlash to Let's Go now. It's building. I feel like you're ahead of the game on that. Yes. And, uh, I love it. You've seen it after?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm seeing it everywhere now. People are talking about it's an epidemic. Oh really? Of, of saying let's go. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see this guy got shamed for it and shame drives progress. It always has.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've got a complicated last name, you can't stick them with a complicated first name too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's more, isn't that more regularly than down here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe not every other day, but I'm guessing you get more sunlight. You're gonna have to mow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fun to compare it to a state. I understand why they do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess they kind of, don't they lean in to be in the smallest state? It's like, it kind of comes with the territory. You're going to be used as a frame of reference for size, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And look, technically it is east, but come on, it's, it's to the left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why. Yeah. Alaska's extends further out than Hawaii. Pretty crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I like, Hey, what state do you think is closest to Africa? If you had to guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think very few people would get that. They would think Florida. I think they think it's too far north and I don't think they realize how east it is. I think they think Florida.