[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do want to hear, Blake, after watching all the interviews back to back to back to back, how is this, what's your take then? With Kanye? No, no, no. Okay. A take on what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, both bangers, that's exciting news and those are both bangers. Can you hit that high note though for Take On Me? Yeaah, I was gonna ask the same question.


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[Assistant] Hellos. Oh wow, she's a singer. I mean, I know she's on the show, but she's also an accomplished singer. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Peacock is fucking killing it. That's my favorite streamer right now. Okay. Wow, they overtook HBO? I love it. I love that you love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And T-Cock just has too many funny shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that- The Jack Knight Show. Sorry, I can't remember the name of it. But that show was super funny. Bust down. Bust down.


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[Assistant] Oh, dude. It's hilariously kinda weird. I mean, I think it's super dope that you're doing it, but when you watch it, it's like, no, it's epic. And up next, we've got this float, and they stop and perform, and then it's like a super duper commercial brought to you by Cottonel Poo Poo Paper. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Huge. Dude, the Snoopy, the MetLife Snoopy? Are you gonna meet? Exactly.


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[Assistant] Dude, Kyle, he might, he might shake his hand, Kyle. That'll be his story about shaking hands. Dude, that'll be amazing. Snoopy rocks. Dude, if you meet Snoopy, and I'll be like, Snoopy does rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever thought about doing live action Snoopy? Oh, yeaah. Dis to Gallagher. It's another dis to Gallagher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna love the way you look.


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[Assistant] I doubt it. I don't think. Cause I remember like Dave Attell hosted him one year and I was like, whoa, all right. I mean, the check must've been right. I don't know, man. Live shows are stressful, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, there's so many now. They'll give a, they'll give, you know what? This is a good one. There's so many now?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna start from the bottom, cause the first ones are like actor, actress, supporting actor. But then at the bottom...


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's lost, it's lost it's lost the juge. Do you wanna know?


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[Assistant] Hang on, let's just, these are the categories. That you don't know these people?


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[Assistant] Hey, uh, sorry if, sorry if I'm real quiet. Dersi, we've lost Dersi. He's so deep. He's so deep. Here's, alright, let me just, I'll say a couple and then I have a legit question. Like there's MILF performer of the year. You said MILF or MILF?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if it's a performance piece, then hell yeaah, then I would win. Why is the best gay solo, if you're solo... Yea, how do you, what constitutes... You're just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing gay about being solo. Yeah, what's, what's gay about it? I guess you have to talk about sucking a dick. If you talk about sucking a dick, are you gay? No, here's what I'm saying. You wanna hear it? Or do you actually have to do it? No. Thank you. Okay, good, good, thank you. Yeah, that's not, that's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To even think that we could get close to being the winner in any of these categories that you mentioned is insane. I mean, obviously comedy is the one we're going for.


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[Assistant] I actually now, I didn't see his point on that until now, and now I understand, because this is- Yeah, I'm actually coming around. But, but Kyle, I- But this is where you're wrong, Kyle, because I've been doing this for 41 years. You've been having solo sessions. I'm ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are the little TVs that you watch that the cameras are actually filming, so you're watching it in real time. No, cameras are not filming the monitors. Yep, they're not. It's the image that the cameras are recording. No, they're showing what you're filming. It's so you can monitor what it's filming, so you can monitor what's being filmed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I get that. That's like, you know, the girl next door type thing where you're like, you know what, give her a shot. She got destroyed on that one. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think that's like she's not getting the attention she deserves. She's like really putting in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, yea, the girl next door. She has, but, but like the full on like porned out like... No, I'm not saying it's a girl's next door. I'm saying... She doesn't need to be. Doesn't need to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm saying this is a person who is really, like, fucking a lot of people a lot. All the time. Oh, you're saying like the effort. Like, hey, you know- Yeah, like they're putting in a lot of hours and no one's watching their videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I guess I'm just saying like, it's somebody who's kind of, um, like under the radar, like girl next door, I guess is what I meant, under the radar as opposed to like fully out there porn star looking. Girl next door means something different to me. This is like breakout, right? Like unsung starlet is a breakout. No, I think it could even be someone who's been- But why had unsung is what he's saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, if I found that out, that would definitely change my- It would be an honor.


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[Assistant] It'd be an honor. Yeah, that would change my whole thing.


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[Assistant] There's one thing I know, it would be an honor. To be asked. To be asked. It would be an honor to be asked. It would be an honor. It's an honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How? I'd watch more. Adam, your algorithm just doesn't go there. Well you can look up funny, you can look up funny on PornHub. The gigs and the ha ha's? The chucks? The gigs? You can throw funny in there when you're doing a search.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is news for Adam, uh, cause you've told your Peter North story on the podcast, right? Adam moved to LA, recognized a guy, thought he was like an actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Best solo, best solo guy. That's a whole fascinating, cause you're like, oh I know this guy as maybe my favorite penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, you can be way more famous, you get paid way more.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause you're like a, a, uh, you're more sought after. Like, I don't care who's fucking these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like on the gay side, they'd be like, I wanna see that guy. I don't care about the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it got too wholesome. It's like you have to have each side. If it goes really wholesome on this side, we have to balance that shit out.


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[Assistant] They're nor- they're Norwegian, and I look like one of the dudes in it. Yeah, you do. We'll post that picture right now. It's fucking crazy. Todd, will you Google images? Aha. And then you'll see the guy I look like and the dudes. Morton Harkett? Not the main singer, the other dude. It's not Horton Markett?


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[Assistant] Okay, this guy looks like me. He looks more like me than I do.


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[Assistant] Nope, that says fun facts about Norwegian band Hot Life Norway. Oh boy.


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[Assistant] Hang on, ready? Let me look at this. Let me see this. Not that one. Let me get... Where are you guys looking at this shit? We'll post the picture for everybody listening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess he kinda looks like you. No, it's not, it's not that. He looks like you. You look like him.


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[Assistant] Send the link. Yeah, come on, Jers. Just show it to the camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be, early apology over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, no, dude, have you ever watched- Is it red night going down or blue night going down? Down, down, down. Red, down, going down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to jinx anything, but. Oh yeah. That's a really, that's a tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When's the last time you guys- She lived in the basement. Good s- cool story!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When's the last time you guys been to Medieval Times? It's been like a long... Ders, have you ever even been? It was super... I've never been because of this. Somebody...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like in 7th grade you got to go, and it was like half the grade went the first Tuesday, and then the other half went on the Thursday, but somebody took like a shit, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah. Springfield. That sounds real. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had a bad day. No, but here's my question. Are they good?


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[Assistant] People? Because you expect them to go ballistic because you're familiar with people going ballistic, but they don't and you're like, oh, you're like a good person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They both work, but fly off the handle is the term.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's alright. Did you like it? Like you needed to? Like you liked it? And then the parent- and everyone goes, nooo, you might be one of those kids, dude. Yea, but then- Whereas I know Blake is not. Then at night that kid fuckin' watches them sleep in plush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know that I- I don't know if I have like a big red crackle. I think it's only fun size. It's only fun size. Yeah, cause Crunch Bar, Crunch Bar brought it. Right, and do you even see full size Crunch Bars anymore? Not really, you used to a lot when- in the 90s. Oh, oh my god, you couldn't miss them. You could not miss that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then what happened when Whichamacallits came on the scene? I like the commercial, but I never ate it. I fuck with Twix. Whichamacallits are just better crunch bars.


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[Assistant] No, it's very different. It has, it has caramel.


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[Assistant] That's the one difference. So different. No, crunch bars were straight to the point. It's just some crispies and some chocolate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or it's like the, uhm, texture of it is kinda like the same as like onions, like slicey. Alright, and I gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, he said Almond Joy. Yea, yea, yea. No, coconut. Coconut is. Coconut is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, one of the reasons I didn't like onions as a kid wasn't just cause the taste, it was like the texture. It's like it had like a feeling. I don't know how to describe that. Yeah, you sure don't. That is apparent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That almond makes up for it. You get that nice crash. No, but then, there's mounds. I don't like mounds. Yeah, mounds are fuckin' trash. If you eat mounds, you're a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almond Joy's Got Muts, Mounds Don't was the whole ad campaign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chocolate is like, yeaah, I think it's like the grown folks. It's like when you start to get into like coffee and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my mind, isn't dark chocolate like super close to what coffee tastes like? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you do, and I'm saying doesn't it taste like coffee? It tastes like coffee to me. Not to me. It's bitter. Yes, it's bitter. Bitter. We're talking about bitter things. These are bitter. Yeah, and when you drink bitter stuff, it's very much like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't even make a noise. You didn't even make a noise. The bit is that you say a thing that doesn't make a noise, then you make a noise, then you didn't make a noise. I'm chunkin'. I'm chunkin'. I'm chunkin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about all he wants


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. That's good, dude. That's very good. That's a top 10 percentile, man. That's good. That's good. But here's what happened, and you-


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[Assistant] I get that dude. I get that. You have that competitive nature in you.


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[Assistant] That's why we gotta get that weight down. It's hard on our legs, it's hard on our heart, it's hard on our soul.


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[Assistant] Yeah, just had a question. I was like, when you're running, like, and doing that, and doing the triathlon and stuff, like, how fast are you running miles in? Like, what is your time on that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now here's a question. Are everybody wearing shoes? Are there, is there anybody who does it barefoot?


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[Assistant] Yeah, what is this about? You have neuropathy? I- no, I think- Do you have neuropathy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sounds like neuropathy. Happy harvest season.


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[Assistant] Is that the sponge? The little bag of worms? Yes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's my favorite. That's like if you roll out on that thing, like if you roll out on the band and shit, it just hurts so fucking... We talking so ass?


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[Assistant] Wait, what was that? Who is Rick Floor? Rick Floor. Rick Floor?


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[Assistant] I don't know who that is. You don't remember No Pigeons? I remember the song, I just did not, I don't remember the artist.


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[Assistant] No, seriously though, why would they? Cause is that what it sounds like? No, but is that what it sounds like? Do they go, we don't want no pigeons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a buster. Is it a buster? It's a buster.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay.


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[Assistant] Nooo! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Take it back.


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[Assistant] AWQW. That's dope. That's dope. That's dope.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well play it. I like songs that are called marijuana.


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[Assistant] She was 2000 early to the pandemic.


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[Assistant] It happened. And Sudeikis, in Sudeikis' bit, happened.


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[Assistant] This is what stopped me in my tracks. Kel stopped me in my tracks. Like this is one of the only photos I have of the night is a selfie with me and Kel. Mitchell, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woo! I was hyped. I stood up and standing, oh, like, this is happening, and nobody else was standing.


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[Assistant] It was so dope, dude. That was the best thing that the Emmys did. That was the best thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were like, oooooh. Well, he said something, I can't remember what it was, but he said something about like either burgers or orange soda. And I was like, I don't know. Like good burger. I think it was a good burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well what's better, uh, I was gonna say Jeannie in a bottle, that ain't her.


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[Assistant] No it doesn't. No it doesn't. I like this track a lot.


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[Assistant] Play that one, cause I need to know, I need to be reminded as to what this song is, cause I think Toxic is her best track.


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[Assistant] I know, I'm just reminding you guys that she was much more better.


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[Assistant] And that's uh, Christina Aguilar? That's what I think about all the time when you guys pile onto me, that's what I think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drake, he's out here, man. He's in Toronto. I gotta keep it a hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then yeaah, let's do it. Let's do it. In November, I'm coming back out there. I'll be in LA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need meatloaf information. Adam, let's hang bro, let's hang. Has everyone had the meatloaf? I'm back there, I'm back there beginning of November.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I always stuff myself with the brown bread. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well what's good there? What about the bloomin' onion? The bloomin' onion was bomb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bloomin' Onion is our icon of appetizers created in 88 by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember thinking that everybody was gonna have Australian accents and they didn't and it fucking bummed me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Essentially the same shit. I think I've had, explain to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had that. It's not as good as, not as good as a bloomin' onion though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so Scotty's Steakhouse actually, am I tracking this right? I wanna track for our listeners. The, the Scotty's Steakhouse made the, made the, made the Bloomin' Onion in the 70s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I just want to track this for the listeners real quick. And there's a place called Scotty's Pub in Comedy Cove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Is that rea- no, I know, and like the Beanie- Yes. The Beanie Baby movie too is like coming out, it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's hard to do. The funniest movie ever. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, like even just like being in a fucking room with people watching the same movie and you're like, yes, yes, like we fucking, that was funny as shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, that would be awesome. I would have loved to hang out with- What's that Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, I miss you guys. I miss you guys too.


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[Assistant] They would be pretty upset, I'll tell you what. Do you think they would say, we know what you're doing? I think you bring any food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that part is not part of the prank show and now we're like woah woah woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guns N' Roses, and they were, uhm, really butchering their own songs, uh, R.I.P. to them, but uhm. They're still alive. They're all dead to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all dead to me after that performance. Wow. Uh, I honestly didn't know it was them until you mentioned it. And then I just went back right now, Blake. Blake mentioned, oh you saw that video? And I was like, I thought that was a bad cover band. I honestly did. No, it's them. And then I looked and I'm like, oh that's Axl Rose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you meet, meeting like, uh, like McBride was that way for me. I always thought he was like a decade older than us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So have, uh, what is your, have you fucked around with it? What's your favorite one?


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[Assistant] Real estate. I'm just saying people are saying that. What are they saying? They're saying it's taken up a lot of real estate. Now you're able to quicken up the, so you can still get it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, hold on, let's see. Let me see here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like that is a noise that will like open a horror film. Right. Where you're like locked in a basement somewhere and then you, you like through a floorboard, you see like a woman up there and you just hear her going, ehh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess this would be a horror movie. Uh, this guy's still in college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I also, uh, am in possession of a high school diploma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Hall of Fame. I know I blaked out on what is called a Hall of Fame at our college, Blake. Yes, absolutely. I didn't even graduate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I just shake my head, but, uh, very, very, they are successful, and the kids seem to like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Showed our buttholes or, uh, poured it in a jar. Would we make a lot of money? Because people do. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you have a lot in the chamber ready to go. Yes, the supplies there is the demand there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd say the smaller the better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like a lot of times when people do stuff like this, these little like when actors and celebrities do these little kind of prank things, they take the money and they give it to like an awesome charity and what I propose is we take it and we all buy like either hot air balloons or jet skis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, what's that? Roll on the floor laughing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, for sure. And she goes, what do hot air balloons mean to you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't think she's smart. She goes, I'm not going to go Omaha or like, I don't think she's going digging through the, the, the, the crate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And invited me to, to, to perform on the MTV Movie Awards with him. And then we landed in someone's backyard, and they ran out, gave us champagne, and then they were like, hey, would you like to, as they're folding this up,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she, she is a massage there. She's not, but she doesn't, it's like kinda chiropractor-y. She like hurts you. She's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With my neck, she'll like r- she'll like mess with my feet and my neck will feel better. It's all fucking bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if it's the middle of the ocean? Well you can only go when it's blowing inward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda see auras now a little bit, and I'm not seeing hot air balloon for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you outside? And then he just walked inside. We were outside. Oh, well then that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't give a fuck, and I was like, wow. Well, and he was an extra, essentially?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I don't know, I'm just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we sell multiple sizes. Maybe the smaller are a little cheaper for like college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, big balls. Well, that's kind of ruining. Well, it's a really cool about it is that it was just a little


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, is there, has there been a, a song that is a, a song that like, uh, like a dance? Yeah. To the left, to the left, to the left. Now walking in and down. Now walk it out. Like Tootsie Roll?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what's the most recent one? Well, Superman was like 15 years ago now. I think it's that one. Oh, there's hella recent ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the one they always play in New Orleans. I was just in New Orleans this past weekend and I heard that like 25 times. But I don't think that's the newest. That's an old wedding song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a decade ago, you old fuck. Yeah man. God damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His name's like... I feel like it was Justin Bieber did it 15 years ago and then it just looped right back around and all the kids are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That name is hard as hell. Noah Centro, right? What? I like listening to you guys guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He used to, uh, work out at the gym that I would work out in, in Hollywood, and he is so sexy. Okay, fair enough. And how was the hair? Is he the guy who kicked it off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he's in the skit. What's his name in the wizards? Not Mariah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the writing was, was really bad on the show, uh, is the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they were vertical, I think they were lateral. Yeah, they do that, they do that too. They do that in the videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Met Sergeant Slaughternikov, of course, he handed me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is where the story gets weird, is your dad meets Sergeant Slaughter on a golf course, and he goes, shut up. Put your clubs away. Come to the trunk of my car. I have an action figure to give to you. Right. To give to your son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So who, what other, what other stories did Tim, uh, did Tim tell you growing up? You wanna call him up? You wanna call him up? What, what celeb, what other celebrities did, did


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from your dad's connection with Jason Kidd. Yea, it was like trick- Starting lineup. This is cool, your dad was super plugged in. Yea, dude. Are you kidding me? My dad's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we know you wanna play with guns. We know you do, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was your weirdest collection?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I would collect Pez and got like really deep into Pez and had like a lot of Pez shit, had Pez t-shirts. It got to a point where it was like a little strange, where my parents were a little bit like, is he gonna like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not being to girls cause he's gonna try to fuck his pez or something? Cause he-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet your, uh, presentation was... Perfectly. It was gorgeous. Your house was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I remember Austin having tortoises. Where did we have tortoises?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were like, nah, I'm good. No, I said that to my parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too much. And those are like the really wrinkly, exactly, like nude, nude looking dudes. Yeaah. They have short hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but where's the conspiracy? Or she realized that if, yea, if she got malaria, she wouldn't have to have a dog. She could use that. She could lord that over you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poor guy. Seventeen. I mean, we're on a podcast with Bob.


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[Assistant] I'd like to give flowers to my mother's dog, Sadie. Always a total spaz. Lived to be, I think, 15. I want to say 15, 16. That's what she was. You can't say spaz anymore? Why not spaz?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cunt is really bad here, but they're still saying it all over there every goddamn day. That's true, he's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, but, you know, she loved the dog, so. Shout out to Sadie. What kind of dog? Yeah, I don't know. I think it was a Monty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the dogs go to heaven though. And all the dogs that we've lost. And uh, tune in next week. 100 episodes, baby. Oh my gosh. Who would have thought?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Running errands. Fucking running errands.


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[Assistant] Oh tag team, you think I don't know what that is? I know what it is. Oh, I know what it is. I lived it, brother. Oh, do I know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, cool. Okay, Errol, that was another episode of... Well, I'm a, ay, let's buzz into the new year, baby!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up with this buzz ball shit going on, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said there's a nurture element. Cool. It's science. There's a nurture element too, obviously, but the nature element is very real Playboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the nature verse nurture, the, the, like, are you born this way or have you been around this behavior and nurtured to who you are? Well, Lady Gaga would argue. I actually was born this way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nature vs. Nurture is like the question that philosophers get deep on because it's like, are you actually like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nature, did nature make you a serial killer, or were you nurtured into being a serial killer? You know, that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? You guess what? What are you, what are you conceding to right now, Playboy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but no, Adam's saying yes, nurture. But it gets so deeply- Adam's saying yes, nurture, but we're talking about genetics. We're talking about DNA. So like it's all about where do your emotions come from? Are your emotions coming from your DNA or what?


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[Assistant] Are you sure? What's the, what's the Michael J. Fox movie where he's a dog?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, shout out to harvest season for all the weed growers out there. It's coming around the corner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shout out, that's around the corner baby, I wanna see some crops. Big shout out to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about it. What do you want? You want the scoop? What do you need, baby?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I just, I shook the hand of Arthur Fonzarelli, the Fonz, Henry Winkler, and I dug that. That was a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I got x-rays. I went to a chiropractor and they charged me for x-rays. My left leg is still numb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's probably just me, so when I listen to this I'm like, oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I don't normally, I don't normally do this but I saw like a wall and I'm like I'm just gonna hit, I bought some new pickle balls and I'm like I'm gonna hit it against the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like, we've been waiting to play. Yeah, we've been waiting to play. And then the other writers show up and I play a game. It's, I can't, I'm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I felt a fa-chunk, and then I, and then I pushed it very, I pushed it hard, I was really trying to win, and then it got to the point after the second game where I fucking like, I couldn't walk. I just couldn't walk. Could not walk at all. I was like, I'm done, I walked off the court, tried to stretch it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' dude. Fuckin' hurts so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know a lot about stretching and I was like digging deep into like... Shoulda called your boy. Playboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was trying to open the hips up. I was, I did know enough to be like, this is the fucking hip thing, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It did work out to where when I put on my tux that I haven't worn in years, I had a back brace on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, oh. You know, I got to wear a girdle. The back brace was essentially a girdle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, the tickets to that fucking party are incredibly expensive, I heard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You came in very late. You were very late to that party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's for charity. No, you don't pay for that party. You don't. But whoever gets you your tickets is paying for that. Cause it's for charity. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you didn't pay, neither did I, neither did anybody I went to, neither did anybody that went there, but there still are tickets for that party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like, uh, let's see, I've just been kind of like kicking it with Matt Barry to tell you the truth. Like we just kicked it that night and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I will say on, on Barry's behalf, I can't, I wasn't there in that moment that you had with him. I think there was a reason behind it. He was jet lagged, very sleepy and very tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then also I want you to know that the next night, cause I thought you were going to be at that party from the beginning. Remember when I texted you, I'm like, are you over there? Cause I'm at the FX party and I hear it and you're like, no, I'm not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? You kinda big-timed Matt now that I think about it because I was like, Ders is over there. Ders is over there. Let's go meet him. Let's go hang out. And then we got over there and he was like, is your friend here? Like he kept asking if you were there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well the thing about, oh no no no, this is what I want to say, the thing about that is workaholics means nothing to him, cause Matt and I go out and like, it means absolutely nothing. And when we're going out in Toronto,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it just didn't hit, it didn't hit over there. He's been, this is first time in American TV. He did Community, he did Portlandia, like he's done some guest appearances, but he's never been involved in American television, always BBC, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was more interested meeting you through me. Yes, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw those dudes at the FX party, at the FX, the FX party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I saw Glenn, Charlie, and Rob, I saw them all. I said, what's up, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, uhm, but I talked with Glenn and Charlie and when I was talking with Glenn, I was, he was like, man, I haven't seen you in forever. And I was like, I think the only time we've ever met was at Comic-Con.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like year one we went and it was like after we did our first red carpet and I told him, I said, you know how we got on the carpet. Nobody know who Workaholics was. They were all Matt Barry and us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His nuts are out. Those pictures are legendary, like first red carpet, like I think we did as a group.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, dude, didn't I talk to you at the bar? And he was like, yeah, you were like emotionally distraught at that party. And I remember like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you shook his hand and you said... I said, nice to meet you, I'm a big fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see that list? Where it was like, they were like, who's gonna be nominated? And then if not, here are the ones that are fucking next up. And you were on that list. So bro, you were fucking close as shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I got three guys talking to me at the same time. What's up? What's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like, uh, Emmy anticipation, something like that. It was like, watch out for this guy. And it was like, you were on the list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a big gripe. They were playing the music too fast. I was getting pretty fucking pissed at that. Especially when Jennifer Coolidge got up there to get hers and it was like, why are you- I would much rather watch Jennifer Coolidge speak longer than this. Then they shut it down and they threw on a Kia commercial for like fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he release a statement or anything saying that he fucked up? Cause how do we know he's not poly?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, sorry. I hope I'm adding something. I saw Paul Scheer. I saw Paul Scheer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got real close to falling in there, buddy. Be careful out there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess, well, you're right, Blake, you can do anything. You can do anything. You're right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You probably don't know what starboard is, bruh. I know what a fucking tackle box is, I know what portside is, I know the stern. What is portside then? Portside is the left side, playboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's, no, that's, that's, that's, oh, you're talking about the, uhm. Uh, yeaah, that was kind of like the wrestler, yeaah. Crazyheart or whatever? Was it Crazyheart?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I also like Tucker, a man in his dream. You ever seen that one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the time, I don't know, but I take it back kind of now that I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... Every human is shrinking. We're changing diapers over here, we gotta blow out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget about me. He says...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would have been a cool run. I think, wouldn't it be wild though if you were like, yea, you know what, I'm actually going to be doing this show on Broadway for a couple months you guys, I'll see you out there. And then you get on stage and guess who's your choreographer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And remember on the pod when you talked about it and you thought it was just because I didn't know the industry too well or the ins and the outs.


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[Assistant] And that impression you were doing of me, that was a character that I was doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All part of his character study, Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Durst really has a beat on this guy. G-Money wouldn't remember Adam, given the stare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the only reason I'm, yeah. Look, hey guys, Blake is thinking really hard. Look at him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, maybe it's off where it had started on Broadway and then moved off Broadway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you like points now. Pre-workout for the first time in a month, you're rearing to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well did you hit a workout or? Well I took it earlier and I haven't taken it for like three weeks because I just ran out and haven't gotten to GNC, send me free shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too lit? A lit AF? No, it's, it's, I'm not lit AF, I'm lit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I'm hearing this for the first time too. A hundred and twenty whatevers and that one has like two hundred and twenty or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some jacked ass TSA dude comes over and he's like, he's all good guys, so we're going to laugh about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go to GNC and you look at the flavors of all these products, they are insane. It's like they're marketed towards 8 year olds. Half of them are like gummy worms and jolly rancher. Sour Patch Kids. Sour Patch Kids, like, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. I got a protein shake thing that was like Girl Scout cookie. Well, they're awesome.


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[Assistant] Oh, they're like weed. It's weed and pre-workout is what the game is right now. Those are the brands that are hot amongst people. Wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get into a zone, that's for sure. The zone, dude. You get into a zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, you do. You get into a fucking zone. If you smoke weed all the time and that's your thing, like, you fucking- Like, you can be intense? Oh, fuck yeah, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like for cardio or for polio or anything like that, dude. You fucking get stoned. I would like to see you going fast high just to see if you think you're fast high or if you're actually fast high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that so the in-between stuff is popping out, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I got two of those. That's what I'm saying, I got two of those!


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[Assistant] Hey, self-burn, sorry. Hey. Yes, that was a self-burn, so I already kind of was in front of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Kyle, I know you admit- I know you admitted it, you still didn't fucking land it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like what, for example? Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you gotta keep that for like leveling out tables and stuff around the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, just keep em. Just keep em. Dude, you don't sell them to Amoeba. You keep em. Dude, turn them into furniture or something. No, dude, I have too many. How many do you have? What's the, what's the count? Cause I, is this your whole life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, they're, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There must be something you can do with nine bins of CDs. Wait, what is a bin? You stack, stack them? I don't know. How, what's the quantity in the bin? How many is in a bin? What's a bin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you said what's in the bin, I think you said how much is in the bin and then Kyle, you said what's in the bin? I said what's a bin. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually think that Ders said what's in the bin first, if that's what we're arguing about right now. Is that what we're arguing about right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like around your entire house, you can frame like 9 to 20 to 64 CDs of different sizes of like your favorite shit by genre or by whatever. Like you could turn this into something dope also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on to CDs because I'm trying to listen to some Neil Young? Guess what? Not on Spotify. Gotta go to my CDs. Or at least to my computer. Joni Mitchell? Not on Spotify. Gotta go somewhere else. De La Soul! Finally back!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you get rid of the free willy soundtrack, you will never forgive yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I mean. We had a collection, Blake. We've gotten rid of a collection like this, and we got rid of our energy drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would buy that. But Energy Drink Collection, how do you feel about that? Okay. I mean, that's a good test of like- I'm fine, dude. Yeah, he's good with it. Alright, I'm not very good with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like letting go of something that you have a memory of is actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they go away. They go away. If you're not looking at this stuff constantly, they go away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I would argue that you appreciate the artist, and so you want the most money possible going to the artist, even though it goes to a publisher in a music publishing house, but like- Yeah, but when you do purchase- When you stream, dude, it's pennies. Pardon me, fractions of pennies that goes to these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, it depends, it depends I guess on how you operate. Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aren't you building your museum? Like what the, you gotta have all this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want the crutches from seventh grade. I want the grips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot that's how museums work. Oh, they're not actually relics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got the raw weed and jeans. I took a half rack of all my wardrobe from Orcaholics. Like I have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every like office wardrobe, like the green, the pink, and the yellow. I got one each of those. Love the yellow. The canary. The canary. I got like, I got a bunch of shit that I'm just sitting on that I think someday I'm gonna auction off when there's like, well maybe for the earthquake. I don't know. I gotta figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the whole Marie Kwon-do thing, right? Who? It's like you take Marie Kwon-do, that's the whole thing that she says is you take things out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, but you take everything out, so when you're moving, you're forced to do this in a major way. You take everything out, and then what makes the cut, you put back in the drawer, or whatever. And if you never wear it, if you never fucking care about it, if you don't give a shit about it, it goes in the bin. The trash bin. Not the savings bin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is put them, re- reframe your experience with them. Okay. And not literally frame, but like, you could frame some of these, you could, you could build, you could stack them into a chair that you have in the corner of a room where like you can read on the side like, oh shit, these are all R. Kelly CDs? I'm not sitting here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is change the way that you interact with the CDs. If you don't look at them now, maybe there's a better way to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then the back, the back one is trapped in the jewel case, it's gone forever. Oh yeah, you can't really get, you can't get the back one out, you're right. And if you got one like Midnight Marauders, that's where you really see everybody's face on the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird, wild stuff. No, I mean dude, I have a whole record collection and I don't know why I have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except for when I'm like, you know what, I want to remember when I bought this record and do something abnormal and listen to music in a different way. Yeaah. Yeaah. Like I want to actually just put a side on. And then I want to be like, in the conversation, like, oh fuck, I got to flip the side. You know, like I just want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying not that often. See ya! As soon as it gets over, as soon as the first side's over, he's like, I don't wanna flip it. It's really and truly, it's like maybe you get through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll throw a record on that I like and I'll do the both sides and then I'll be like, okay, that's enough. I won't put another record on after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like, I have it in my studio up here, so I put my records on like maybe once or twice a month. This is too long. Oh, that's a lot, that's a lot. Then you keep it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Blake, I'm telling you, keep em. Well that's the best thing about albums too, is you get those, you get those cool tracks. You get the tracks that you don't hear often. You'll never hear them again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the people who get rid of them, they are just creating this thing where we all feel bad that someone's able to like, just get rid of all their stuff. When really, you need to hold on to your bear, there's your bear!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. But that's on, that's on, uh, Serious XM lithium probably three times a week. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's no new music for them to get- to get listeners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not saying she doesn't go, but I'm just saying nobody listens to her anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have to be. That's the only way to get heard or make money. Well of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, uh, yes, exactly, yes, Oasis. Yeah, and that's what I'm saying is that they're not gonna make money playing current bands. They gotta play Oasis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well where the fuck do you go to discover music? But they're just playing when people used to go to the radio, they're playing that music to give them that feeling that we're talking about. When you go through your CDs and you hear the little tch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jack FM was like that shit when we were growing up. It was like, it would give you the fucking weird shit that you would get from. Jack FM wasn't around when we were growing up. Get em! When we were in like our 18s to 20s, like when we were in LA, like that was when it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was when radio kind of died. That whole thing was based in nostalgia. There was no new music. It was like you go there to hear the shit that you downloaded off of Kaza or LimeWire, bro. Yeaah, LimeWire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was what it was. Morpheus, Morpheus, yea. And Morpheus, yea. It was a random ass station where you went to hear, hear shit that you- Kaza. This motherfucker said Kaza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Mine's just staying on Marguerite. I can't figure it out. Lost the manual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is the closest, is there a Margaritaville in California? I was wondering this this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Walk of Fame, or city walk. No, no, a resort, a resort. Not a, not a, a resort. I want a vacation at Margaritaville, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't doubt it. You're right. Yeah, it was off-Broadway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's a Margaritaville everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody is related to somebody. Yes, that is true. Okay, great. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being like, my uncle is a beach boy and I'm seven feet tall and I play professional basketball. So we all just kind of roll. We just kind of all kind of do our thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember seeing that image as a kid and being like, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, when she eats that first fucking cookie or whatever. Fucking sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I got kids. I put that shit on, man. I got kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember that dude. Fuck yea, rip it up kids. Rip it up kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't remember- Adam, did you ever run- I can't remember if you ran the light at the improv. Did you ever do that job?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, so then you can get like, yea, cause you can fall into like, I don't want to do anything new. I don't have anything new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Total character. I love his whole steeze. Wait, who was the guy who opened for us a comedy cocktail who played the guitar who just had a set?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what were his songs? Do you guys remember his songs? I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had the joke, uh, where he was like in bed with his girlfriend and he was like, he's like, tell me what you like. And she was like, I like when people do this. And he was like, people? Like how many people? Hey guys, like I said, crushes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's awesome. You got some pandemic material?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I liked it back when people thought, uh, like I was a character and that like I actually might be smart underneath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This for all the dumbasses out there. Happened for us. So. Get on, get on your TikTok and uh, let's see what you got. TikTok your ass off. I'm a dumbass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on a second, are we saying like it has to be a call or text, like check-in texts are cool, right? I think a call is more tedious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Catching up, Cole. Oh, work friends, huh? It was like kind of a tap-in. You were just tapping in. And truth be told.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I hear a lot of people who are like very anti, like, uhm, group texts. I'm all in. I'm all in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've gotten, you've gotten way worse. It's inexcusable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's name, let's name names. Let's name names. Yeah, who do you want to apologize to early on? Okay, name names, okay. Yeah, go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who was the guy who was kind of like clean cut, wore polos, kind of talked fast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is always kinda awkward when people, like, add people that not everybody should be able to add to the group text. Cause when they're like, adding fucking, you know, whoever and you're like, oh, you just fucked up the whole vibe of the team and changed the dynamic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think emails are flawed, yeaah. I don't think you can just dip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think when you unsubscribe, does that re- I think that when you unsubscribe, it adds you to two different emails. Cause every time I unsubscribe- I know what you're saying, cause you click that link. Yeah, what the fuck? Then I get the weirdest shit coming from all directions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually considered the other day getting a new phone number and having an entirely new existence, but that seems like- Having two phones? Having this one that's just beat to death like everybody has and I'm getting- I got called by China Mainland yesterday? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it funny? What is it, boobs? Is it 80085 boobs? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without saying them, how many phone numbers do you have memorized by heart right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're defunct. Yeah, those are the only ones I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do kids memorize numbers at all? Or are they lost when they get kidnapped and they don't know how to call for help?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, go off, Kyle. Let's hear it. Let's hear it, bro. Here he comes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, go to YouTube. This is important. We are on YouTube. A lot of people are loving it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, like and subscribe, like and subscribe. Yes, and the comment section's on fire over there, so get in there and say, wassup? And when you're on YouTube, you get to see cool, uh, swag. Ellen swag. We all have that sweatshirt, don't we? Except for Kyle, sorry Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know, but I'm just saying stuff. No, I knew that, I knew that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, a ton of them are probably racist. For sure. Yeaah. A lot, a lot of it. What? It's for children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't fact check that guy to see if it was really him, but if that was really his dad, well then it all makes a lot of sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, this is important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks man, thanks man. I was just, just- Nay. Where's polychar guys? That's just what it is. I'm fully polycharred. That's what, that's what reciting Three Blind Mice will do to you though. It'll fire you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think she was doing it, like, one by one, like, uh, with the Gia team. Wasn't she? Wasn't she, like, doing it legally? Or, well, not legally, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, Little Miss Muffet sat on my dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But somebody had to do it first and break the seal. And he was the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, are you saying he's not that guy? He's not that guy, pal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's chicken? Yeah, you said he got like a special off of like Sundance or not Sundance from uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the big comedy like festival where people would get in Aspen basically sitcoms off of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was Aspen and there was some comedian named like Chicken and he got a sitcom and they were like, what did we do? Cause he was such like a character and not relatable at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought I heard it from fuckin' Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what, Blake? What about the one comedian who was like called the comedian with like the bag on his head? Do you remember that guy? He like always had a bag on his head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, uhm, what about that one dude, Joe Para? Is that, does he really act like that? He was on, uh, house party, right? Yeah, he acts like that. We met him and he was quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's him and Tim Heidecker's little like, side, side project. It's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who we fuckin' the shadows fame?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. And did he speak in an accent? He must have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine young Zeld walking up to you and being like, yo, my homie Blake fucks with your vision, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Favorite Mike Myers movie? Favorite Mike Myers movie? Uh, uuuh, that's a- Austin Powers, baby! Fuckin' very shagadelic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I'll take Austin Powers over to Wayne's World. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta watch Wayne's World again. It's been way too long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big shout out to Chris Saronik. Yeah, dude. I'll give my flowers to Saronik without killing him. No dead, no deadly flowers today. Never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Dude, big shout out to the Basis of Wetus. To Milligan. Matt Milligan? I don't know about this. What happened? Yeah, Matt Milligan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he was, he's, he heard us, and he's excited about the shout out. Oh my god! Uhm. I believe, uh. Yeah, Matthew Milligan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I get some compliments to all the boarders out there who are, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, who have been buzzer beating during the holiday season. I see you out there. I still need to get a reload. Buzz balls get at me. I need some buzz balls out here so I can buzzer beat with you guys, but I love seeing it. I love seeing your moms do it too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna talk to a guy who wants to make his, his drink his black licorice, fennel, cotton candy. This guy doesn't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I doubt it, I doubt it. Zero, zero consistency from that man. Don't think he got me anything, yeah. Sometimes you remember, sometimes you forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't, I drank for ten straight days, so I had people in- Months, years! Fourth of July, maybe? Yea, I had people come in town, and then, they, two groups of people coming in town, and they overlapped? Uh huh, two groups of people overlapping? And so it was, every day was just a, a fucking banger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also agree that how I drink is probably the more dangerous way of drinking because if you drink two or three drinks in a night


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because I, this was a game that your brother played. Adam Newacek played a lot of these drinking games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like, we don't need a game to drink. We can just drink and talk with each other and have fun. And then as soon as someone starts to play a game, it's like, ah, I don't want to play this dumb game. And then as soon as you start to do it, you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they just put less of the syrup in. It's that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do forget that Blake was a theater major from Long Beach. I do forget that sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When someone says that's their truth, you're going like, well this person is a lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't looked at a YouTube video. I don't really know. I can imagine it, but I didn't realize would be that much starting and stopping because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I could do it without my knees not exploding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also, is this guy conditioned? Is he like a, is spank like kind of a jock or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love your guys' love for this game that I've yet to play or even look up, but we should start a professional team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Science. You guys are the only two that have played. I'm the one with bad knees who can't move laterally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, thank you. It's really spelled out. We're going to beat you a few times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] company to take us out, and this dude, Austin, took us out. They're red drums. They normally are like, I mean, they could be small, but you could be,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we tossed it back. I'm sure we could've kept it, but. Did you kiss it? Yeah, what'd you do? We were like, I'll see you around. No, I didn't kiss that one. That's like as heavy as my three-year-old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cool because that, that was like, we went out and we caught those right away. And then when we went back into town, I was so excited and I post it. And then every restaurant and bar we would go into, like a bartender would give me like a, that's a great fish compliment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a weird science to what you post. I didn't even realize that. That there's like, to post on story or the grid, but I'm like, this should stay up there, man. I want people to see this fish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it too. It seems like a lot of work though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we weren't, it was kind of the, uh, very opening of the harbor. So we were still like right off the jetties. So we were in the ocean, but not like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does. That does seem, uh, cause they don't make them anymore, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one had a phone, you just, that was like no, no flash. And everyone had one of those. Like everyone at a party, there was just like 40 of those around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Isaac, so he got this phone call, whatever his name was, and uh, they go, yeah, so we just want to connect Adam again with Eminem and Dr. Dre. And Isaac goes, oh hell yeah, yeah, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he goes, okay, okay. I stand, I stand erected. Totally. And then Isaac's like, what, uh, what is this in regards to? And he goes, well, obviously Adam, uh, was in the Slim Shady music video, um, with Dr. Dre and we want to connect them together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, like, it's at least 30. Yea, it was crazy, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just had a kid. Well, I don't know, part of me was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isaac told the truth right away and was just like, I had anal cancer, couldn't make it. Oh no, he wasn't in that. Adam was in like sixth grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they just got a bunch of extras and asked them are you willing to bleach blonde your hair to be in this video? Look at their faces. Look at their faces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't really have any take backs or apologies this, this app. I, I feel...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just dust you. You should pack your fucking DVDs up. You should leave your blu-rays out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throw it out Thursday. Yeah, uh, what's an S word for, for Saturday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that, that's just, uh, that's just the tip, right? That's right through the tip. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you so sure it's a cock piercing, not to change the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you so sure it's a cock piercing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very much so, very much so. Cut commercial. Makes me queasy, but go right ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, pierc- the thought of piercing my dick kinda makes me a little bit like a boop, you know? Like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just could, do you watch? Do you watch when it's happening? What the fuck bro? Like honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I could see the blood in the towel, remember? Great detail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my, oh yes I have. I remember I wanted to get my first dog, Gripster, some nudicles. Yeaah, that's right. Because, because I remember when I- Some big ol' nudicles. When I got him, um, neutered, I remember like he had the cone on and was just staring at me and I felt like a total asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're saying you would get an increase. You're gonna get your nuts removed? That's not what actually happens with the surgery. I, you know, you don't get your nuts removed. I still have my nards, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would, okay, so let's just, okay, I'm there with you, but why wouldn't you just get four? Why wouldn't you just get a quadra instead of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I remember they used to sell some shit down there, like kinda by the taco shop right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. I think they had like the glove hand seats too. Do you remember those? The glove hand seats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like- Yeah, Ders. Hey Ders, yeah. Am I an idiot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't. I just needed a bed because I was on a futon. That's right, because I was futon forever. And that was like my first bed because I was always a fucking couch dude in the room so that people could come in and watch the edits and shit, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, alright. Good job, man. Big ups. And that was it. That's all I needed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we all want to do movies. We all want to make this shit. Let's just fucking do it. And your dad had a bomb ass collection that he gifted to us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like this was like even like warehouse and shit, like, like he would get into some of those bins bro. Like you would get into the bargain bins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I have some screeners out. I think I keep the screeners like up on the hearth and then Hollywood, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to come home to Thanksgiving and deal them out and be like, okay, look, you can take that and then you give it to grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the dumbest, that's the dumbest shit. They're like, here is a big ass box for you to see the new couple episodes of Miss Maisel. Or you could just fucking go and turn it on. You could just fucking turn it on. I'm just saying. You didn't have to make that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should pack your fucking DVDs up. You should leave your Blu-rays out. Take a hike. Leave your fucking Blu-rays out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got that fucking hamster movie with Zach Galifianakis. T-I-M nation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. No, baseball movies are... Baseball movies are the best sports movies because they're so plodding and like you have lots of chances to... I mean, rookie of the year, I think. You have lots of chances to come back. They're long games, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slow action. Very, very dramatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, we're in a game. Yeah, we're in a game. It might as well be the World Series. If you're gonna touch on that with a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] National League. Is there running for the pennant? You're right. Right? You're right. Fuck yea, you are bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'll go pick up some, some Mexican food from the local spot. Freaking Los Panchos, baby. Let's get some of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, give it up for sick interns everywhere. Sick ass interns everywhere, pat yourself on the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all over the place, baby. Oh my god, the dip in the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my shit. When you say I've never been on a treadmill, I've been on a treadmill. I'm not saying I'm on one all the time. Hey boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were like tetherball poles, weren't they? Oh no, they were just poles like side by side. I remember it was like four of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Miss Rogers. And that's when you started telling me shit like that. I'm like, what are you doing? I remember even, I think I remember seeing you like up there and I'm like, he's doing his thing. But I was like a swing and a tetherball boy, you know, I couldn't be bothered with coming at that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, like if you want to just, you know, have an oh but no worrisome clean up, you can hit the button and go back to dust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what it's all about. Get yourself a turbo jet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what I realized was the crackdown in your house is kind of a power play, where you're like, okay, yep, that's, that's your room. All right, I'll leave you be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it is. I think it's like, don't even bother, I'm not done yet. If I, if you don't see the crack, I'm, I may be done. But if you see the crack, I'm fucking working, so just leave me alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't got this fucking, I don't got the picture yet, man. Where's the picture at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Blake, this is absolutely like, you should be running towards this. You should be running.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a really good rig. The rig is way good. As soon as I saw it, I'm like, well, this one is better than what we pitched. Well, that's what we said. We said it would be better, but. And it was. It was. Eight years ago, it was better than the sketch we came up with last week. So that's our take back, our collective take back, am I correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who pulls a gun out? The dude who's like, uh, who's like, uh, no, the guy who was talking to Mike Tyson, like, I gotta fight you. I'm gonna fight you. And Mike Tyson's just like sitting there. No, it was just like fucking wild. I caught it in like some, some news fever dream that they all are nowadays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's huge. Uh, but wait, so yea, for sure, Corky Romano, but like, mango? Mango, dude, mango. This dude made stuff that was, that shouldn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'll say? I'll say I heard this morning that he's in town? What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm gonna just be the board today. You can sit back. Uh, thanks brother. Sit back in your short sleeve shirt section.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, I would leave it off. Yeah, I'll leave it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before it goes to market. Right. I thought it was like a football contract where you're like, okay, I'm gonna give you 50, 20 of that is guaranteed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, everyone listening, this dude is a schemer. He can't even fight it. He's like, oh my god, I was a normal guy for a second, uh, giving $50 to charity, but uh, you did an early take back, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you yes points me durrs, please? YES POINTS! Thank you. He's fuckin' comin' for you now. Jay Moore's gonna put you in a fuckin' full Nelson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I did read in their, it said no schemers. No plotters, no schemers. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My guy over here, he shakes beer and then he sprays it all over people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't remember. Yeah, I don't know. I never watch. I never watch. I don't- A lot. Stop it. I love you. I love you. Love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And isn't that the point? Isn't that what we're saying? Like you, you, you're just getting, it's like something is happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what, okay, so that's one. Then you got like, then you got two people, you got two people working, uh, each leg or like foot happening right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause listen, if you call a place, and by the way, I'm sure, I'm sure there's some place where they're just like, yeah, for sure. Like if you, a place you go like to a mini mall or whatever, they're like, yeah, you can have seven of these ladies. But like reputable places, can you go to a reputable place and be like, uh, can I get two people in here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Sounds like there should be. Is Bangladesh the dope letters? They got the sick- I think so. Yea, that shit's off the chain. On like the kickboxer shorts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Swedish, Swedish massage is, is deep tissue, right? That's what I was thinking, it's all layers of death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Aren't you getting- I think you're right. I think you're right. I think Swedish is where like, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like fluid and like, you, you can't tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I love how she sets this up. Okay, so. Swedish Massage uses long strokes. Talk about it. And light to firm pressure to provide gentle relaxation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so SNL, uh, it's a guy, he's getting acupuncture, and of course, the acupuncturists can be like, a goofy, is Sicily Strong still on it right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like she would be the acupuncturist, she's very funny. And then 80 Bryant, of course, is getting the acupuncture, right? Oh yeaah. She's so funny. And then so, uh, what happens, like an earthquake happens? Yeah, well that works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Robbery? What about a robbery? Robbery. Very funny. That's funny. We could beat that. Or something where she like, she needs a hug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, what if- Right, it's like, 80 or whatever her name is in the sketch, she pulls the mask off and she's like, Grady? That's the character's name, he's a guy named Grady. Grady, I like that. And like, they haven't seen each other in years, and she's like, well I've done a lot of work on myself, I'm here again to acupuncture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then they hug and the needles go right into her heart and she dies. That's the twist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they took the fucking things out. And where are they doing this? Where are they doing this? And for what? You mean where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you got some needles stuck in your dick, you're gonna be aggravated. Someone's gonna die. Yeah, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and it's an honor, it's an honor to be here, uh, you know, to even be in this conversation with these guys, the guy who just ate the pineapple, you're a legend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's so weird, I'm outside. That's our favorite fruit now because of you. It's crazy, I mean I can't eat too much of it, I get those cold sores, uh, but it makes my mouth itchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the pineapple guy. Uh, you're for sure gonna die. There's a lot of blood back here, and we just need to know if the pineapple can go-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's crazy is, they're just gonna do a sketch about a podcast who thinks that SNL's watching them and ripping their jokes. That would be so good. And then they're gonna do what we just did, and everyone's gonna be laughing at how dumb and stupid it is, and we're gonna go, it's gonna be a sad episode that day. We can't win. We can't win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, I don't mean to switch gears, but I definitely came into the pod today with this on my mind. I watched TMNT 2 Secret of the Ooze yesterday. Go Ninja, go Ninja.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, not great, not great, uhm, obviously Ninja Rap is very cool, Vanilla Ice song, but can we talk about the letdown and the disbelief you felt when you saw Toka and Razor instead of Rocksteady and Bebop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a switch, what do they call that? Uh, uh, bait and switch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super, Super Shredder was dope. Like, Super Shred- By the way, Super Shredder is on screen for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 seconds. Yeah. Kevin Nash. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, was it really? Yes. Kevin Nash is a seven footer, right? Yea, he's out there. I didn't know that. Big sexy. Big sexy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The columns, the support beams of the Doc. That's right. And kills himself. I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Splinter, who's like Mr. Lessons, fuckin' schools him. And even when he's holding him over the thing and the dude shredder throws the knife at him and he's gotta let go so he didn't kill him, he does himself in a smarter way than just bashing the dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're also like idiots. They're like stupid. They can't talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They just kinda go like, aren't they babies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says they're babies, but then later the scientist is like, the reason they're dumb is because I made them dumb. So that- Oh yea, no no, they're dumb because I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That this has to hit the theater. You're saying like a premiere day. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you- Box office drama.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cart, Cart Before the Horse, what a fucking, and it boned so many movies, it boned like the Girls Ghostbusters, cause they were just backs up against the wall like, we gotta make this movie now. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what's dope about that is that they did something on that movie that they know no one else is gonna do. Which is fly actual real planes and shit and like film that. So it's going to be an experience that like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know they're not up against, like, another Top Gun movie like it, or even fighter jets, cause it's, it's its own movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's unreal. Yeah, no, that's cool, dude. That's- This dude is out there for real flying fighter jets. And remembers his lines. Unless it goes really, really south. What if it goes bad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's got a death wish. Of course he has a death wish. Of course that's what he wants to happen. He wants to give everything to this. And if that's what happens, it will be an honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. CGI. CGI animated for sure. And like, he's like the kinda nerdiest dog on the block cause he's just like a beagle. Like, you know, he's like a German Shepherd. There's a Rottweiler. There's like a hot, sexy, long-haired Chihuahua. Oh god damn. You know what I'm saying? That's a guy. That's a guy. No, it's a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dots on a person and had the person run around on all fours? Wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, I feel like I talked about it, how that dog chewed the shit out of my arm and then like a year later I'm watching Django and I see the same dog like pulling apart a slave and it fucking triggered me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hungry like the wolf dog episode, and we had a Malinois, which is like a German Shepherd, whatever, but smarter, attack me, and it grabbed onto my arm, but we had my arm covered in like, something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and it's supposed to just grab the pad, but it grabbed my arm. Oh yeah. And I had fucking teeth marks and it was bruised for like three weeks. Damn, that's fucking crazy. And it hurt like a motherfucker, but I'm like, we're rolling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, man. Just in it to win it. That sucks, dude. Those dogs, they got the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, forget it. I don't think I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do like, you ever watch that Caesar dog dude show? Like the dog, whatever. I watched a lot of Caesar Milan. Dog talker. Animal rescue. He just lets Caesar Milan dogs bite his hands. He does?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause he's like, they'll nip. They rarely ever bite and hold on and like truly attack, but they'll like take bites at him and his whole move is to just be like, act like it doesn't hurt. Don't show fear. And then they're like, I fucking just bit this dude kneeling. Oh my God. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not good to each other. But why, is this sexism that the only thing I've heard out of this whole thing is that she's shat in his bed on purpose?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I know is people are throwing wine bottles and somebody dookied into bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also like, what's worse, throwing a wine bottle at somebody or shitting in their bed? Cause one is just like, uh, an isolated act, but the other one's like aggressive, like actual physical towards somebody, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I say, okay, like how'd it go in there? You're like, no dice. Like, thank God I used it right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Courts would often throw gambling cases out if no dice were in evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no dice, as I've come to have heard it, and probably used it once, was like, hey dude, uh, did you get breakfast at Burger King? I'm like, it was 11.05, no dice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not only is he a funny guy, comes up with good ideas you've already used, he can do one impression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, I never thought I'd see the day to see, uh, Blake just sell the fuck out. What a company man. This guy's just part of the system, coggin' the wheel. You should cut your hair. Why don't you cut your hair next?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and it looked insane. But let's really do it. No, but real, yea, like, actually do it. Real. Like, that'll be the last thing if we're like on the roof, we're just shaving your head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might want to go a couple weeks with just the sides long, like in the back. Like the whole, just the, yea, the top, top off. Top shaved buzz and the rest is just northman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like the hot chick thing to do at my high school. Yeaah. Like alternate, like a little funky, little vibe, like, listen to a lot of uh, L7 or some shit. Ooh, little portish head. A lot of veruca salt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Billy Eilish fell, right? That was the main thing. Did she? That's, I don't know, I saw a thing last night that said Billy Eilish fell. Pizza, pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, did we say this on the air last week about Coachella? Where you said it was compared to like going to Disneyland or something? Or was that all fair?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I was like, that's so spot on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, it's like, it's like, yo, who's gonna eat this fruit and make sure it's not poison? I need somebody to stick their thumbs in their dick and banana split that shit. Craig, do it. Alright, I'll fucking do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stay the fuck away. This is my solo verse you're not allowed in, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam doing raff? I was, I was rude, rude raff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we go ahead and spend some money on a bigger board though? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, this is, this is the concentrate, uh, version of it. And then I'm gonna- That's the one thing you can't do right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just what it looks like, it's not beet juice. Uhm, I think we're landing on blueberry, but it's still kind of up in the air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I were to get like a juice, or like a smoothie, I like blueberries in my smoothies, things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Dude, it's, it's out there. It's out there for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without these five women, the craze of Beanie Babies never would have gotten off the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were, and they weren't selling. And then these five women just kind of, just started collecting them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're done. They already did it. They had their moment in time. What's crazy is we were the perfect age for it. Like we were- For beanie babies? Our moms were exactly their age. They're all like in their mid 60s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it was, it was bacon. Remember when we were like, uh, bacon everything and it was on the board. Leaning hard into that movement. It was on the board, uh, of like hacky things that we don't want to do on the show. Uh, we're like, it's like that weird thing where it's just suddenly,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hotel or resorts or something. I never go with the water though. I 100% go with the alcohol drink to kinda kick that weekend off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the issue is they always give you like the, the like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, my uncle Matt was fighting everybody and uh, he's like a wrestler and my cousins are wrestlers and so Blake is drunk and he's thinking like, I'm also gonna throw these guys around. Yeaah, he comes from wrestling stock. And so, he's like, I'm from Iowa, uh, and- I thought-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, you're not, and he fights these guys, and the staff was like, comes running down and they're going, policia, policia. Like they're gonna call the cops. Really? And then, yes, and then we had to explain that we're all family and friends, and then they basically were like, well don't, this is a nice place, don't fight each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, I'm like, it should be palatable for, for humans. Or else we're just naming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said all my homies hate Twizzler. There's a market, motherfucker. I do believe that we're friends. And I like Twizzler. I've come from a Twizzler family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Glycerizic acid. Glycerizic. Glycerizic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I thought that was an interesting article Blake sent us earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird that they, that they, they published it five hours ago. The fact that they're talking, they're ranking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how bored people are on the internet, that they, they are like, well, what do we write about? And they're like, I don't know, let's write a show that's been off, about a show that's been off the air for four years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Workaholics main characters ranked by intelligence. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It says, however he proves to be one of the world's least intel, uh, shows least intelligent characters when these schemes don't work out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From his burrito restaurant to the various functionalities of his van, Carl's foolish ideas often underscore his lack of wits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? Okay, here's the deal with Carl. He's a future- You know what, Screen Rant, Alex, Gent- Gent- Gentile? Fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her goofy airheadedness is part of her funny character, but highlights her lack of wits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, that's what's so, I mean it's cool, I like, I like that they did it, you know, they're still writing about the show, but I'm like, we've been off the air for years. It's cool that they're just like, you know what, just write, just write a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, we're not coming out on Netflix, Blake. We are now Paramount Plus people. Uh, you gotta shout out the right streaming service if you're gonna shout out a streaming service. Correct, correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it goes, uh, Adam DeMamp, obviously, very, very dumb, uh, like prideful of his stupidity, uh, very fun character to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it says, yeaah, it says it pretty dumb. 401k.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he says, he says the reason that you're not as dumb as, as, as me, is you present several pretty smart puns in dozens of episodes. Oh, wordplay. Ah, he's a wordsmith, yes, yes. So that, that offers, that counts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think he's, no, it says he's the most likable. And then, furthermore, it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's difficult to argue he isn't the smartest member of the main trio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so we're dumb, we're too dumb to get the tickets and figure out how to get there. That has to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I hope so. Uh, I hope so. Big shout out to Alex. Um, Montez Walker. And then it goes to Montez. Smarter than Ders. I don't know. We never really dove in deep on how smart or dumb. Dude, he's smarter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we tricked him a lot. That's where I was like, is he that smart? Cause we tricked him often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the boys are up to something, Montez is one of the first people to notice they're scheming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard to argue Alice isn't the smartest character. It's always hard to argue for this guy. Uh, and we're colleagues. It's, it's hard to argue. It's difficult to argue this, it's hard to argue that. He must be arguing with a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, rank them from like, most likeable or like, funniest or something. Like, the smartest is a weird... It feels obvious, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we're, we're adjusting. I think people cared more about Zack's dick and, you know, there's more photos of, of this. It ended up not making the movie. It's on TMZ. I think because, uh, I think because it was obscene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? It was too, like my cock is just like, out and about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I didn't want to look like, uh, I didn't want- no. I mean, there was no- there was no winning that race, but uh- He's a god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to look like, and I still do, but I didn't want it to be like, I'm obviously the fatter older brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for Baywatch, that was after Mike and Dave and, and he, you know, he got absolutely shredded for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, no, for this, I think he was trying to, for Mike and Dave, I think he was trying to meet me in the middle. Like, I noticed him, like, at the beginning of the movie, he was working out all the time. And I'm working out all the time. And then I saw him, like, kinda step it back and not work out every day. And I was like, he's such a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, you can't really see the ridge so much as the perfect shape of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The value tub. Dude, and by the way, the red vine is so far, I bet Twizzler blows them out the fucking water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad was a, uh, worked for the railroad. Thank you. And we got Twizzler. It wasn't out of the price range. It's not like it was crazy expensive. Well, why don't you cry about it?