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[Assistant] Into my life that hadn't been there. I was selfless as a father in those kind of roles, but on a grander scale with other people.


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[Assistant] He brought that level of selflessness, made me aware of this level of selflessness. The ecstasy almost of caring for other people more than yourself. You could see how it could become an addiction in a war setting. He taught me those things. He's a great example of how to age.


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[Assistant] It was daunting to have that weight and responsibility. Never thought that we could have those repercussions. Two things I think with the band experience get forgotten. One is we're intricately tied to 9-11. We had premiered on the 9th of September and then the 11th happened. So we're intricately wound with that.


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[Assistant] I'm always amazed by the fanbase and the people. And I have to tell you that the Band of Brother fanbase is so respectful. I've never had anyone come up in any obnoxious way. It's done with such dignity and respect. Raj, it's not like other gigs, it's not like an actor gig. They don't see me, they see Bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're being respectful to Bill. We've channeled these people. That's how it should be. I'm not surprised by it because we always need these kind of stories of ordinary men and extraordinary people in extraordinary situations. That's never gonna run out. We're going through it now with the pandemic. And I will tell you this, Bill said to me once, I had always told him, Bill, they don't make men like you anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he said, see kid, I told you they would, only now they're wearing cop and firemen and EMT uniforms.


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[Assistant] Doing the same thing we did. Run it into a burn and build in the same people. Told you.


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[Assistant] And it was profound because he had an understanding of human nature that I did not. And when the shit hits the fan.


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[Assistant] Roger, thanks so much for having me. It's always an honor to talk about this project and the men of Easy Company and all my brothers who are so brilliant in it.


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[Assistant] Plus, there's like a ton of really good flavors, tropical punch, wild orange, strawberry, watermelon. And now, you know what I'm sippin' on? None other than frosted grape. My personal favorite, because I've only just tried one and it actually is pretty good.


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[Assistant] For more, go to zoenergy.com. That's Z-O-A. Energy.


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[Assistant] Welcome back! We dropped that Hollywood right away, baby. And why'd you drop it? Yeah, why did you drop it? Because that's where we're up-


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[Assistant] Do you remember when you first moved to Cali- or I guess when Ders and I first moved to California and Blake moved down to LA? Mhm. When you first saw the Hollywood sign you were like, oh my god.


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[Assistant] This is magnificent. And then you're like, Hollywood, I can't wait to just see you, be there, see all the cool people. Like it's going to be, maybe eat a baby, maybe be a little baby. I can't wait to get elite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you get there and then Hollywood is like the scariest place. It's like, I, like the first week I was there I saw stabbing.


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[Assistant] Have you ever seen anyone, uh, get stabbed or and or murdered?


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[Assistant] Honey, put your head down. Walk faster, walk faster. Walk faster! Right. Uh, I saw, I saw multiple savages. One I saw downtown, and then one I saw, uh, on Hollywood Boulevard. Jesus.


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[Assistant] Well, I feel like Ders doesn't, I feel like Ders doesn't hang out in seedy places. Not that I was hanging out in seedy places, but you have to buy, you have to buy your fentanyl somewhere. Yea, right. Or sell it, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so I was just walking, it was me and Austin, like literally our buddy Austin Anderson, and I think it was us, and it was one of the first weekends that we were in LA. I get the allegedly button. Allegedly! And we walked down the Hollywood Boulevard, we were like, let's just go drive up to Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Walk around Hollywood Boulevard, see what's up, cuz you were-


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[Assistant] We were down in Orange County, we drove up to LA. I had just been in LA for, or in California for a few weeks and we walked down the street and all of a sudden we saw these kids.


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[Assistant] running past us. And we were like, like dead sprint. We're like, oh, what happened? We walk up and someone's like, oh my God. And then there's just a person like bleeding out, laying there. And we're like, oh, this guy just got stabbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get this little Kobe Bryant shirt over here. That's cool. Wow. Cool. Go, go Dodgers. Uh huh. Look at little tiny


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[Assistant] I feel, and I could be wrong, we could be a week off, uhm, because we're stacking some episodes because people are working and doing things. Uh, this might be the week that my son is born.


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[Assistant] Hello! Yeah, dude. Yeah, so pretty exciting. Pretty exciting. Welcome. Oh my god! We already have, we have little tiny shoes. Look at this, dude.


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[Assistant] These are not vans, and they're very soft. I'm like, it's...


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[Assistant] My boy ain't fittin' in that. My boy's not gonna fit in this. No, my boy's gonna be bigger. Yeah, now we have like a full closet of clothes. I'm like, this kid, what's gonna happen is he's gonna come out.


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[Assistant] Not fit in any of it. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Adam, what the fuck? You know, I, cause you're like, they wear these clothes for like maybe a month, right? And then until they're on to the next one, I'm like, we're really, we've got a lot of options, I feel. But, uh, you know, it's better to be over prepared. I recently, I was telling you guys that I, I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I drove the route that I'm gonna drive to take her to the hospital. When she's ready to go and I went to the parking lot and was like, this is the parking lot. Right, you got the go bag and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then I went through, I like got the ticket to be like, is there a lot of parking? And I'm like, oh yeah, it's tons of parking here. And then I go to get out, and then it was like $2, and I was like, I just came in. And he's like, that's two bucks. I'm like, dude, you can't just let me.


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[Assistant] And I'm like kind of arguing with the guy a little bit, but then I was just like, yeah, I guess I just, you know, I didn't need to drive in here.


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[Assistant] Birthing suite or whatever that you spend like the most time.


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[Assistant] No, no, we all want everyone there, uh, to party. This is in South Africa.


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[Assistant] I'm like, how do you angle to get those, those rooms? You know, cause those are the dope.


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[Assistant] No, you can't. I've told, I've asked. I've been like- Really?


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[Assistant] I already came, you better serve. Yeah, second come. Well, how do you think the babies come out? Pressure. That's true.


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[Assistant] Fucking cool. Our doctor was like straight up, if it doesn't come like a few days after, we'll just induce it here at the hospital. Okay.


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[Assistant] These are factors. These are factors. They're factors.


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[Assistant] Well, that's tight. That's just like a fun way to- I mean, salad's kinda whack. If you want some- a pizza sounds fun. Like- Yeah, I want a fuckin' cheese steak. You know, your- your super pregnant ass wife doesn't want to eat a salad. She wants a hoe.


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[Assistant] She wants to have, uh, yeaah, something fun to eat that it's gonna induce. Although... She eats like a ninja turtle. She wants ice cream on her feet.


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[Assistant] I don't know if that's helpful. And then for the first year, his name will be Poopoo.


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[Assistant] Well, you gotta, you gotta make, you know, these are family memories that you cherish and then you say forever. And then you go when he's like, brings his like fiance, he's like 30 years old, he brings his fiance home and, uh, you're like, well, when he was,


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[Assistant] Cause I'm old now, dude. Cause yeaah. Poo poo get in here! I'm like, eh, we called him poo poo for the first several years of his life. Oh my god, that's so cute. Why? We called him bloody diarrhea. We called him bloody diarrhea poo poo.


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[Assistant] And that's when I go, and that's when I go in the freezer and dig out them, the poo poo, and show her the actual experiment.


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[Assistant] You got the vapors. Yummy. Dude, but the high is fucking crazy, bro. You see shit. Have you done it? Have you done, uh... No! Well, why are you saying it so you don't know?


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[Assistant] Hey, the thing about this podcast is everything's true. We don't exaggerate. We just tell it as it is. Okay.


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[Assistant] A convict. Convict music. Yeah, eh, Con and Young.


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[Assistant] Here's what we do, cause you know on the live podcast,


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[Assistant] So it was hard to do things like that, but what we could do is if we do an in-studio live show, that we sell tickets online and we make an event of it, and then we do, we have a segment where we do shankum.


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[Assistant] I didn't throw Todd under the bus.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, which, so it's the rental house. It's, yeaah, and, and we believe you, we believe you Todd, and it's not your fault. It might be the baby eater, Kyle Newacek, uh, who's not, who's not here to defend himself.


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[Assistant] And if he was here, he could defend himself and probably we would buy his defense.


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[Assistant] And then we're going, I mean, that is a good idea, right? About doing a live show that we sell tickets online, make an event, and then plan like five or six, maybe we, I'll oil Blake up for the MeUndies campaign.


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[Assistant] So we're talking like basically like a tel- I'm so th- I still want my spoils. We're saying like a telethon.


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[Assistant] But it's like a pod-a-thon. It's not a tel-a-thon. I feel like, uh, who did it? Uhm, Kreischer and Cigura. They did it. Okay. They do, uh, like...


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it seems fun, and then we could get the jank'em to actually jank'em. Okay, no?


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[Assistant] And if we're gonna do a guitar bit, the guitar will be there, it'll work. Okay? The guitar's gonna work because it's all in studio.


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[Assistant] I guess that's a good enough reason to do... I'm sure we should do something like that.


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[Assistant] Tuck in some fuckin' shit air. Is that what it is? The shit air gets you high? Cause if that's the vapors?


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[Assistant] The vapors. The vapors, baby. Well, it's just vapors, dude. It's just like smelling your friend's fart and wondering what they've eaten, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but what other things could we do during this live show? We could do, uh, we could do like a smack, a smack off. We could do a smack. What other vapors?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Ders would like, like hurt, hurt one of us. Like I feel like he would really hurt one of us.


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[Assistant] And the doobie trance, it's like in a hard part, it's like calcium built up in your palm, right? Yeah, I see it. I do see it. I don't really know what that is, but is it hard?


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[Assistant] Okay, yeah, so that would really hurt. That would.


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[Assistant] Also, I feel like you got longer arms, a little more power to come from. I feel like Kyle. Uh, actually, short story. I feel like it would have to be between Blake and I and then you and if Kyle were to ever come back.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. Or the guy from prison that we, the felon that we bring in that helps us with the jankum. You and him could go toe to toe.


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[Assistant] He's also, he's also leaned right up. You know? He's looking good. He's got a jawline. I'm liking what I'm seeing. I'm wondering if, I'm wondering if that'll hurt him. Oh.


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[Assistant] No, for the, our slapboxing, uh, competition.


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[Assistant] When I had it, I had an assistant for a while. Shout out Kyle Newch, or Kyle Walsh. And, uh.


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[Assistant] And he would then go and just make sure that I didn't miss any of them.


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[Assistant] They don't want you to be hungry, which is awesome. And then they bring you little snacks, little homemade, like little macaroni and cheeses or little corn dogs or little...


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[Assistant] Sometimes. And other times you're like, who's back there? Like is, is it just Blake back there making like mani sandwiches or some weird shit?


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[Assistant] What do you mean? You don't know what a hypothetical means?


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[Assistant] That Skyrizzy mixtape is about to be fired. Dude, Skyrizzy. They fuck it. Cause sometimes they blow, sometimes you're like, why not? Like, this isn't cool.


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[Assistant] That one's kinda hard, uh, it doesn't roll off the tongue, but every once in a while they nail it. Skyrizzy, you're correct. Skyrizzy is a liar. If that's not like a sexy little rapper with just like neon green hair or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Is that hypothetical? Who's, who's singing about, is that, is that, uh, your girl Ice Spice? Cause I feel like Sky Rizzy would be Ice Spice's direct competition, dude.


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[Assistant] No, she's gonna run you over, dude. She's demolition. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, is that old timey rap? We're talking new timey rap. Yeaah, that's, no, that's fucking, no, that's, we're talking new rap.


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[Assistant] The thing, everything moves, everything moves so fast. Remember when, when you're, like remember when you're in 8th grade, like the type of music that was popular, and then by the time you're a senior, you look back at like your 8th grade music, you're like, that was so old.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they did another Mean Girls, and then this one's a musical? Yes, it's a musical. And Tina Fey wrote it, apparently, so...


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[Assistant] But no, it seems like people, uh, are really fucking with her right now, so good. Hey. She was singing. Big, big ups for her for laying on the ground at SNL. I would love to lay on the ground at SNL. Take a nap.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and just, yeah, Studio 8H and just do, maybe that's where I do Jankum. Maybe that is the time.


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[Assistant] Sean Connery. If, if I was ever the host of SNL, I would be so serious in those moments. You have to be. You have to be Megan the Stallion. You have to try to out serious Clive Owen or whoever like actor, you know, Cillian, Cillian, Cillian Murphy.


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[Assistant] I feel like that's what, that, that's what Lauren Michaels has done such a good job of, is making the show seem, even though it's a silly sketch comedy show at its core, that's what it is, and like,


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[Assistant] But then he's done a great job of like elevating it and making it seem important.


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[Assistant] You know, if he was like... Yea, you know he was. He's pulling them strings.


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[Assistant] I wonder if, uh, if like, sometimes he's like, I wish we wouldn't have, I would like to play...


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[Assistant] Like, I wonder if some hosts, like, they don't have the gravitas to, like, pull off the no music. I feel like if- would that be cool?


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[Assistant] If one of us, if one of us were hosting, that's the first time they're like,


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[Assistant] Back, it's a, uh, it's a muscle relaxer, I believe.


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[Assistant] Artist, like they come in and they're doing some like weird shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to like have a fridge repair the other day, so, so I'm having a, uh, this fridge repair man. And he's fixing my fridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, it's a fine, just a minute, and, you know, and, uh, he, he's, he's like, ah, last time I was here, cause we ate, this fridge is like on the fritz, he's like, last time I was here, your wife was pregnant, I'm like, yeah, she's giving birth any day now, he's like, oh, he's total weirdo, and then he goes, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He also is like, uh, I mean, I think he's, he's Easter European somewhere.


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[Assistant] That's, that's funny. Haven't heard that one before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did that ever happen to you when you said your name and your child Mars? Uh, people kinda were like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect! I-I thought it was dope. I was like, yeah, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has Mars been in the wild and met other Mars?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that makes sense. Online. And as a, as a child, uh, you know, as a new father, I want a lot of advice. So yeah, don't let your kid leave the house for the first 10 years is, uh, Blake's advice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are so weird about being weird. Just, it's cool, dude. You're different. It's sick.


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[Assistant] I feel like, what about the names that were like, kinda bro-y names, uh, that everybody had? Like the Kyles. Speaking of. Who's Kyle?


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[Assistant] I feel like, uh, I don't know if Kyle was a bro name, Kyle was just the name of like, anyone that like, wore a lot of like, flat brim hats and like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, even though a few of my best friends are named Kyle, I love, I love Kyle's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I'm wondering if it was so popular, like, for people our age, no one our age is then naming our kid Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Kyle! Thank you, Kyle! No, I feel like I really get along with Kyle's. There's plenty of Kyle's in my life, but, uh...


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[Assistant] 37 years old and up. Please reach out. We would like to meet you. We would like to say hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You tell people that you're 40 years old. I feel like the three of us, we've always played younger on TV and movies and shit. And people are always like, at least speaking for myself, they're like,


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[Assistant] You're 40? I'm like, yeah. They're like, I did not see that one coming. I don't like you anymore. Everything you've done. I like you less now. Everything you've done sucks. So Estonia is right by two other countries that I didn't know even existed. Latvia. Kinda thought that was a fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. And then, uh, Belarus. Which I'm also like, woah, what is that?


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[Assistant] What goes on in Belarus? I bet it's off the chain. I bet there's some, what's cool is I hope, I hope, uh, like remember when Anna showed us her computer and you could see


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anna, producer Anna, uh, you can see exactly where people are listening to the podcast. You're like, oh, there's people in Iran that are listening to the podcast. Like three, it's like three people. Uh, is it Iran?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regardless, there was like people listening to it there, and you're like... That sucks for them.


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[Assistant] Every ten years. Hey, we're naming it Jaden. It's now called The Land of Jaden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's cool, it's cool that you're cool with that. Welcome to Jayden. No, it's cool that people in Estonia are probably listening to the podcast and big shout out to the people of Estonia. Absolutely. It's a real place and we would love to vacation there. Their flag is pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I've met him a couple times, one time we were at this, like- Now he's 32.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This bar, and he was like, yeah, so I saw you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You and, uh, Zac Efron, like, you, you guys, uh, it looks like you got in good shape for that movie. And I'm like, yeah, me and Zac were brothers in swole. And, and he goes, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, we're brothers in swole. It's loud. So we're kind of yell, I'm yelling this at, I'm like, we're brothers in swole. And I'm sort of dancing, you know, and, uh, and he's like grinding on him. What does that even mean? Yeah. And I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And we go, we, we work out together and he goes, yeah, no, I know. I said that. And I go, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I should have been funnier in the moment. Brothers in Swole. It didn't make sense.


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[Assistant] You've, you're suddenly, you, I feel like we're always pretty leaned forward when it comes to our comedy and when you meet people, you're leaned forward, you meet a pop star, suddenly you're on your heels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do. And admit, what you never know, like, for me, I didn't know Justin Bieber was gonna be at this bar I was at, this like club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, uh, I wonder if I could even, if they would even allow me into that club, because that's the club that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it? Dahlia's? Delia's? On, uh, what? Santa Monica? Delia's, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I believe so, uh, it was very cool supper club, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you say supper club, it's cool. Uh, you know, you see Drake there, you see, you see Bieber there, you know, you end up talking, meeting all these cool people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet now, cause I went there like eight, seven, eight years ago. Yeah. And I bet now if I showed up and was like, yo yo, ready to come in. They're like, did you say yo yo twice? You're not allowed. Yo yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he has a medical condition. Does he? Yeah, he's currently battling something. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. Hey, happens to the best of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No sir, I don't like it. He, he does have, uh, what does he have? I bet Anna knows, producer Anna. It says something like his eyes, his face, facial muscles twitch. It's too hot. Oh, Ramsey-Hunt syndrome, a rare condition that has paralyzed one side of his face. Oh my god. So yes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we should tell him just to wear the Murphy Lee mask and then let's party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he loved work, Alex. He was, he was stoked to meet me. And then less stoked when I said brother in swole. He didn't get it. Didn't understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, maybe he just didn't hear me and then upon the repeat it wasn't as good as the first time? Not sure. But a weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was at this club, but drinking like soda water. And he was like, hey, I just wanted to say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so sorry about the first time we met. Uh, I, I was making fun of you and I, I just, I, I feel really bad about it, you know, and I don't drink anymore and that's, that's part of it. And I'm like, I did not know he was making fun of me dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I met him at some party and I thought we were just getting along. Evidently he was like throwing shade at me and like shitting on me, but I had no clue. I did not remember him making fun of me at all. I thought we were just chatting it up. When he was saying clown boy, say something funny clown boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm so sorry about that. And I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was leaning back. You fat joed it when you needed the big punisher. I sure did. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams, guys? Hmm. What was I gonna take back? There was something I wanted to take back. Bitch, I should have wrote it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, why, there's no take backs for me, I would, I would, I would like to say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, our fans are both those guys, uhm, not trying to throw any shade, uh, not gonna give them flowers, cause that's dangerous to do, but I would, uh, I would like to say hello and I'd love to be invited back to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I did get John Mayer's number, uh, we exchanged numbers. He was a very nice guy, very cool. He was like, uh, hit me up sometime when I think we're talking about watches or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, I texted him once. Did not get that, did not get a response back. So, you know, that happens. Also, same thing happened with Chappelle. I got Chappelle's number. He was like, hit me up. There's a big party tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think even the next couple podcasts, uh, the baby won't be here because we are stacking them up so I do have a little alone time with the baby so I don't have to be working for a little while. And by the way, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what words I'm saying, I just can't say them. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. That's fine. Cause you know why? We're not about buzz balls. We're about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you drink Zoa energy drinks, it gives you big Dwayne energy. The swag, the confidence, and energy to help you conquer your day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to a store near you, like 7-Eleven, Costco, and more. For more info, go to zoenergy.com. That's Z-O-A.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, guess what? HUGE NEWS! This is important is going back on the road on Friday, April 19th, that's right, 420 ETH.


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[Assistant] Myself, Blake and Anders are hitting the Hard Rock Casino Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City to bring TII Nation another live show. Is it the last one ever?


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[Assistant] I don't know. Possibly. Tickets are available now at hardrockhotelatlanticcity.com or you can go to the link in our bio on our at pot important Instagram page. Get your tickets now because they gonna sell out. Come party with us in Atlantic City.


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[Assistant] Today on This Is Important. Well how much porn are you watching while driving?


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[Assistant] That's it. And, and what's cool to lord it over, you might think there's other podcasts that are funnier, but uhm.


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[Assistant] The people that have spoken are the people of high heart that uhm, we actually work for, so it could be an inside job, but hey, they didn't tell us that it is or not. So sorry.


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[Assistant] You guys see, you guys see my eyes, you guys see my eyes twitching?


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[Assistant] About, uh, Durst couldn't be at the, at the, uh, award show. Speaking of eyeballs.


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[Assistant] Is that trademarked? Is that like? I'm sure it's a little RPM.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's terrible. Way worse, way different than that. Oh, the same. Wow, it's the exact same. Yeah, I didn't think you were going that way. So it's melting, but burning.


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[Assistant] No, no, no. Another person, I don't want to mention their names, but they said that they had won, and they did win. And they said before, and so I was like, there's no way that we won then, because they told the winners to get them here. But we're so needy, and we just won a free plane ticket.


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[Assistant] Best overall. Which, by the way, I think, uh...


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[Assistant] Uh, probably right, right? The most, like, relevant. I think they should have won, like, most, like, relevant, if that's a word.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and everyone was crying. I'm like, yeah, yeah, for sure. Give it to them. And for sure they're not coming.


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[Assistant] It was the last award. We were already like six, uh,


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[Assistant] I would like to give thanks to Honders, or an early thanks.


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[Assistant] Uh, because Ders says thanks, like thanks.


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[Assistant] The eye pressure. Yeah, I would say that it's safe to not fly. I would, although...


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[Assistant] I think she's leaning into that, but I think that's, from what I saw of just the three hours we were sitting right next to her at the sports show, she never


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[Assistant] You know, she was never like cool and bubbly and like talking to people and interacting with anyone. She sat with her.


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[Assistant] One more Tito's. I wish, uh, I wish, you know, I wish we would have had any amount of heads up, cause they just said our, they just said we won and we're like, uuuh, and then we're, us chugging vodka sodas on the way up to the stage.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's a super nice guy. I talked with him a little bit beforehand. He was like, really cool.


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[Assistant] You might not have to deal with him. I know you guys have met him before, but this is my first time meeting him and


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[Assistant] Ders probably doesn't have to deal with this, but sometimes when I- cause he's tall. He's like tall, tall. He's like 6'5".


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[Assistant] He came down to my level and I was like, man, I really appreciate that because we wouldn't have had a conversation. He's too far away.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's like DeAndre Jordan. Like, I know DeAndre Jordan pretty well. He's a super nice guy. We like each other. Every time I've seen him, like out and about.


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[Assistant] When we try to have a conversation, it dies on the fucking vine every time.


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[Assistant] As you say, absolutely. Just drop a knee when you're speaking to me. Or put your hand out and let me climb on, and raise me to your left.


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[Assistant] And, uh, overall, the whole weekend was Trill. Yeah, absolutely.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Wilmer Valderrama, really nice guy. I don't know if I've ever talked with him, but I was talking with Isaac, uh,


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[Assistant] I don't like it when you have me show your tits, but uhm, I was talking with Isaac, cause he came over and was like, what's up man, wow, good to see you. And then we just started talking, he's like, heard you had a baby. And then we started talking about...


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[Assistant] Or maybe I brought up that I just had a baby, I'm not sure, but we just started talking, and then we talked for like 30 minutes. And...


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[Assistant] It was like we were best friends and, and, and I'm like, we for sure met before.


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[Assistant] And I go to Isaac, I go, here we go, tables have turned. We had to have been at some award show, much like this one, where I'm 36 vodka sodas deep.


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[Assistant] He was so familiar with Adam, he really roped him up.


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[Assistant] I don't know if you're in on that, Ders. I don't know if you're quite there.


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[Assistant] You know stretching for our big walk up to the stage.


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[Assistant] Miami? I think a producer could tell us, but I want to say CSI. I love that for him, where he's like, no more jokes.


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[Assistant] Well, I think he got, what happened was, under his NCIS. NCIS somewhere, or just NCIS...


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[Assistant] He went to the original. Just that. NCIS. Wow, okay. He's a bagel. Uh, I think he, he...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I, I do think, no, what it's gonna be, cause it's not a real boxing match, right? It's an exhibition, so. What is the difference for me? I don't understand. It's, I think it's the, a real boxing match is, is uh,


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[Assistant] Right. Okay, this one's just gonna be.


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[Assistant] Well no, I mean, you know, they were just guys making like silly dumb videos and then they...


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[Assistant] But no, you would have to be at least a runner, right? Yeah, that's what I'm saying, but like...


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[Assistant] We're the promoters, we get a cut, and we bring this to iShow Speed, and get him out of that weird fuckin' basement of, I'm sure his mansion that he's in, and say hey, go race.


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[Assistant] Do you ever fight Mike Tyson for a million dollars? Yea, for a million dollars when you fight Mike Tyson. And Jake Paul's like, no, but I will for 300 million. That's what he's projecting the fight's gonna make. Really? Which is, yea.


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[Assistant] The venue. Yeaah. The venue. Of the stadium of wherever he's fighting. It's probably gonna be at SoFi or something fucking insane. And did you say he's getting a cut of the merch also?


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[Assistant] No, we're not freezing our shit. You don't have to freeze your shit, but the tea milk you do, you do. In case, uh, I mean, I don't know why, but really I have no idea why we're doing it, but we have so much. I'm like cooking meat just to make room. I'm like, we have to eat six steaks tonight, honey.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I like to play some Blackjack, dude. I think that'd be fun. Maybe, maybe we talk, maybe we host a Blackjack night or something. Like after the show, that'd be kind of fun. You guys just lose all your money.


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[Assistant] Uhm, it is fun though. I never really know what's happening. There's like the line and the, you know, there's a ton of numbers. Yea, I never play but I want to.


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[Assistant] I guarantee you we could just get a table there and they could teach us how to play and, uh, we could lose a lot of money and that would be fun. All the money we make. All the money we make.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I can't wait to wake up next to my boys. That's gonna be fun. But you know what's crazy is we're just at the age that like anything goes just means we're gonna have like seven drinks. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we might like order nachos and ask for extra chicken on it or something.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I find myself looking at photos of him when I'm just like, in a, like, red light.


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[Assistant] It could really be a real thing. It could really work, yea.


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[Assistant] I forget. I honestly, uh, Nicole Byer we beat. Nicole Byer we beat her. Sure. Uh, she's funny.


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[Assistant] Radio silence sits. He took four duffel bags full of weed home.


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[Assistant] They come in hot. They come in- See, Blake, this is what I was hoping was gonna happen, that you fully revamped the soundboard. Oh yeaah. You retired a bunch of old soundboard clips because they are from the tour. We're back in our respective, looks like, it looks like a closet. Closet.


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[Assistant] So did you retire some of the soundboard that will never hear them again? Is that what you're trying to say, Beezer? No, I don't know. Oh, they're still, they're still there.


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[Assistant] A whole 20 minutes on retiring, uh, whatever one that we decide. Or maybe a handful that we decide. We're retiring these. We're no longer gonna do...


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[Assistant] The cause of diarrhea. Or whatever it is. I don't know if that's the one or not.


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[Assistant] That would be cool. I believe so. I believe we have.


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[Assistant] Ze- my son. Zeo's pizza. No, I feel- we let the fans decide, and then when we don't like what the fans decide, we just do whatever we wanna do.


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[Assistant] A very special episode of This Is Important.


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[Assistant] I just, give me the heavy hitters. I just wanna see- Yeah, there's highlights on YouTube. Yeah, just the highlights is what I-


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[Assistant] I think Kevin Hart had the best, like, comeback. He was like... What was it? He said, essentially, he was like...


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[Assistant] You're a legend. You're fantastic. You had it all. You can't blame anyone else for you falling off, except for yourself. You didn't do the press stuff. You didn't show up. You weren't there.


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[Assistant] He was just too cool. He didn't show up to the thing, and when you don't show up to the thing, they don't want to hire you the next time.


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[Assistant] I mean, he's, he is wildly fun. He's so good. He's amazingly fun. I mean, I told you guys about the time when I did New Faces in Montreal, which is like a big, they invite the 20 new comics from around the world and call them the New Faces of comedy, blah, blah, blah, and they, so I was,


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[Assistant] And as we're, we're like going and we're sitting in the back waiting to watch the show and we had just gotten done and it was pretty exciting, you know, cause we just, uh, did our sets and all of a sudden these women come through that are basically wearing lingerie.


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[Assistant] I'm assuming prostitutes, and they come through.


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[Assistant] Amy Schumer. They were masters of something, and they go, ladies and gentlemen, take your seats, Cat Williams is in the building. And they walk through the whole audience just being like, take your seats, Cat Williams has arrived.


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[Assistant] This was 06, I feel like he had it all together in 06 and then something, something slid after that. Better late than never.


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[Assistant] Well yeaah, it seems like he was doing pretty well of that, of, for that.


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[Assistant] What? And they like took him away and shit. Who did?


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[Assistant] And December 28th, 2012 was arrested on child endangerment charges.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, this. Yeaah, this. Yeaah. Deal, he's putting this shit out. Oh my god. Now this is on the wiki- on his wiki. Yeaah, I read all this stuff the other day. He's- he's a very troubled guy. He also like-


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[Assistant] That's what I'm talking about. He also got in a fight with a heckler and then just walked off stage.


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[Assistant] But you, as a professional, Kyle,


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[Assistant] You have to go, you kick the guy who caused the trouble out, and I have a job to do because these 5,000 people, or however many people were at that show, are here to see me perform, and I have to give them a show.


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[Assistant] I'm just saying, Katz, he's done a bunch of stuff like that, that that's the reason he fell off, and it's nobody else's fault, except for his own, because I think he was saying, like, he's been blacklisted from Hollywood, and Hollywood doesn't fuck with him.


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[Assistant] And you're like, well, there's a reason. And he called Kevin Hart like a plant, like they planted him there. It's like, well, Kevin Hart did it his way. You did it your way.


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[Assistant] We're talking about a lot of tour, being on tour, a lot of stand up stuff.


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[Assistant] Well, I also don't think Cat in the Hat is owned by Disney. Isn't that a Catrin Zeta Joe?


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[Assistant] Yeah, you quit caffeine? Cool.


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[Assistant] That's kinda crazy. Uh, yeaah, that's wild, dude. Are you, uh, you know, how's your water intake? That's what everyone always says, dude.


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[Assistant] That's funny. You're doing ha-has, dude. He's the comedian.


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[Assistant] Uh, well that sucks buddy. Yea, definitely, uh, up your water intake. What I like to do is I like to double fist you got some coffee and then, you know, chug a big ass glass of water.


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[Assistant] So we have, uh, a lot of, uh, I mean, what would you guys say, as far as tour goes, what was your favorite city? And why? Uh, go. What is your favorite city and why go? Fucking you guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that was way fun. I mean, there's so many fun times on the tour. I wish, I miss it already. Yeah, it was very fun. Pretty stoked to be home. How we just toured?


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[Assistant] I think I could do that forever. Okay. I honestly think I could do that for, and never do-


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[Assistant] We need you to talk on the pod.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I loved it. Besides the not being able to walk by the end of it, uh, and needing surgery because I fucked my shit up. I know, I'm like, did you remember?


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[Assistant] We all almost died. I was in so much pain, uhm. Yea, you trooper did. And my hip, I didn't even tell you guys, so they, I got a new hip, uh, not a new hip, but another hip surgery on my left side. Last time I got the right side.


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[Assistant] They found all the shit in there. They thought it was just a torn labrum. They were like, oh.


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[Assistant] They were like, this is the cause of your diarrhea. The cause of diarrhea. They found, uh, a bunch of, uh,


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[Assistant] No, they, uh, uh, cartilage had broken free and was floating in my hip joint. And they're like, that's essentially like-


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[Assistant] Did we find it? That's part of it, that's part of it. So we fixed that, and then essentially from that they're like, you'll probably need a new hip in the next five years, so I'm like sick, sick, sick. Okay.


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[Assistant] I believe it's like a full implant. I believe they like, take your hip out and put the new hip in.


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[Assistant] I think so, I think so. I mean, I don't know, I have not, I, I was just told this and... And what is it? Is it like... I'm gonna put, I'm gonna put off researching it for four and a half more years.


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[Assistant] Well, it's such an old person surgery, and so it really sucks. Cause I'm doing a ton of physical therapy, you know, and so I'm doing a ton of physical therapy and everyone there, like I'll meet young people and they're like, what are you in for thinking like knees or you hurt yourself playing basketball? And then I say hip and you see they like lose respect for me in the moment. The face change.


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[Assistant] So they take the, but they take the damaged part out, and then replace the, that new- The ramek? They just pulling your shit out the kiln? They say as far as- Yea, you got- Can they do that to my brain? As far as surgeries go, like in, in one of your joints.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's just kind of fun. Yeah, Blake, please explain what impingement is.


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[Assistant] Good answer! Good answer. Points, points.


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[Assistant] Okay, well essentially it is, it's when your ball and socket, and it's supposed to be a perfect circle, and mine was shaped like an egg, so when it would get all the way out, it would catch on the socket. Right. So it would catch.


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[Assistant] Kyle, what do you think your favorite city, uh, both maybe to perform in and hang out in?


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[Assistant] We also recently, we also had just gone from, uh,


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[Assistant] Cleveland. Cleveland, and did the, uh, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh yeaah. And I feel like that gave us a lot of fun ammo to talk about all the cool shit we had just seen.


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[Assistant] Wait. Yea, we're, we're young crow hearts. Sheryl Crow, man. I mean. Yes. She doesn't get the love and respect that, that she deserves. Young Sheryl Crow. Woo!


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[Assistant] Already at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They did. They did. Yeaah. So, she must have been inducted before. Yeaah. Or they knew that she was going to get inducted, so they were like, hey, let's, let's give, uh. Let's grab her bell bottom. Let's make sure the, the young crow hearts have something to look at. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Let's get those little bell bombs on display. It was wild to see, you would see like a piece of clothing and it transported you right back to watching those videos in the late 90s. Like I saw the red fedora and I go, that's Kid Rock's red fedora.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I think I was standing next to Ders and you were like, how do you know that? And I was like, I don't know. I just know. And then sure enough, it was.


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[Assistant] I am an American badass, you understand? The illegitimate son of man.


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[Assistant] G-g-ghosts. She said no, that was, that was Cleveland.


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[Assistant] Columbus was the one that we had the tiny dressing room and the elevator, it was like four stories up, the dressing room. And then I kept taking the shitty elevator up and down, I'm like, I'm gonna die in here.


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[Assistant] The cool older guy was like, hey. Ryan Gass came and kicked it with us.


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[Assistant] Kyle Gas came. Yea, Ryan and Ryan. Oh sorry, Kyle Gas. Not Ryan. And his son Ryan. A lot of people don't know he has a son. Who's Ryan Gas? I think I went to high school with a Ryan Gas. Actually, I know I did.


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[Assistant] And dude, and also like our old friends from like way back in the day that we haven't seen in probably like legit 15 years came out. And it's cool to connect with people that there was a girlfriend group that we knew that none of us had ever hooked up. There was no like


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[Assistant] It was just like they were a fun group of girls to go hang out and party with when we were in our early twenties. And not that I didn't want to, they just, they just weren't interested.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, dude. Ange, Christy, Allison. We saw Mary in Cleveland.


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[Assistant] He's like, he's like, yea, have a nutritionist, eat really healthy, uh, yea, did a lot of acid on tour.


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[Assistant] Did you guys, hey, did you go on a little ride with that or what was the deal?


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[Assistant] So did you go to bed? Were you able to go to sleep or? That's my trouble with doing drugs when you're out. You're like, well.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was, my parents went to both shows, and uh, my dad was like, he blamed us. He was like, you guys really brought it in Kansas City. Would you phone in it in Omaha? Those are our last two shows.


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[Assistant] I mean, no, we weren't phoning it in, so the podcast was just us talking, like, you know, we, we, we had a- Right.


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[Assistant] Well, it's because, it's because, I think it was because the Omaha audience were a great audience. They were fantastic. But they didn't, they weren't as rowdy.


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[Assistant] I think they were respectful. They were like, actually very excited. Right. And were just a more respectful crowd. Which some crowds are more respectful.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we sold a lot of tickets. Like, oh ma, we were packed to the fucking brim. There was 3,000 people there. It was wild. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And I just feel like they're just a more courteous crowd.


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[Assistant] Uh, when Kansas City was just debaucherous, I'm like, I have no idea.


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[Assistant] And then we went and partied with, uh, my family afterwards. And, I mean, my aunt Patti.


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[Assistant] Uncle Matt throwing it down, Aunt Cindy was there, Aunt Julie, Aunt Julie who you rarely see throw down.


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[Assistant] Uh, I feel for me, I think it was fairly early on. It was that Phoenix show I just thought was wild, too. It was a celebrity theater show where it's in the round and, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah. It was way wild, which was just really fun. I was like, damn, this is, it was like herding cats.


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[Assistant] Matt's, no, Matt's at the market. Okay.


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[Assistant] I feel, uh, Austin, uh, Austin was the shit. Austin was the shit, yes. What was the name of that restaurant that I took you guys to? Jeffreys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, you knew where you were cause you flew there. We all traveled there together. You knew where you were. It was Texas.


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[Assistant] I think that Texas road was probably my favorite because we drove from. I mean dude. Just the driving was the most fun because then you stop at a weird truck stop or weird gas station. We all get out. Can we talk Waco Surf? Yea Waco Surf.


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[Assistant] So we stopped at Waco Surf, and it was, it was planned, but Waco Surf is like one of the, I think there's, they said there's two or three in the whole country, where they have these like, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, they said we were the greatest. It was cool seeing the guys right after word, right after us. They were like, oh, we get out. We're like, oh right, we actually did it. And then they're like, wow, good job guys. Wow, man, way to go. All right, we're up next. And then they turn on the music and it was suddenly like, yeah, and they're just ripping it up. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It was always, it was always the next morning, I would, you know, you'd talk to Isaac the next morning, and, uh, he'd, I'd be like, oh yeah, well, you know, we left the bar, went home, and he's like, yeah, and then Blake wouldn't leave my hotel room.


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[Assistant] I love that. Yeah, I drank, I drank in your room a couple, a couple nights.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it was fun. Like that, like in New York, when we were all drinking, I think in your room, and then the next day we had press to go do, like, much like Kat Williams, and, uh, and- Now you get it! And then you didn't show up, and we were like, where's Blake? And then you called, and then you were mad at us? No, he was mad at you!


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[Assistant] Then we went out to lunch after we went and did, yeah, after we went and did press, me and Blake went out to eat in New York and he goes, he goes, well, why didn't.


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[Assistant] Why didn't you like set an alarm for me? We were all drinking in my room. Like, why didn't you make sure? Why didn't you take my


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[Assistant] I was just doing a nice thing for Blake. So then we go to Austin, Texas. And Austin was radical. We had a great time in Austin.


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[Assistant] If you're in Austin, you gotta go to Jeffreys.


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[Assistant] I think there was only one or two places that wouldn't let us throw out buzz balls. Every place after we threw out buzz balls was pretty butthurt that we threw out the buzz balls.


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[Assistant] It was a problem. Yea, yea, yea, yea. We were pretty sloppy. But even the cities that like weren't the most fun cities to go to, uh, our fans showed up in those cities and were wild and it was so much fun. And big shoutouts to everyone that, that


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[Assistant] Yeah, that was wild. That was sick. It was like, it's like we were the fucking dead, man. Bro.


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[Assistant] I felt like the dead. Comedy, Grateful Dead, I'll take it.


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[Assistant] We also were given literal duffel bags full of weed.


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[Assistant] In multiple cities. Any, any California show that we did was-


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[Assistant] Absolutely wild. You want it? Yea, Adam knew a chick.


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[Assistant] He got, he took all of our weed and he was like, don't worry, I'll get it, I'll get it to you guys. I'll drive it down and I'll hook you guys up. Radio silence since he took four duffel bags full of weed. Can't reach him. Cannot reach him.


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[Assistant] He's a nua check, that's for sure. He's a nua check.


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[Assistant] That seemed to come a little mushroom head. I didn't know that about him.


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[Assistant] Well, there's no way to prove it, but from 16 to about 22, I took name all the times. We got, you can do it. I took, I mean I probably did an eighth of mushrooms, two to three dozen times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to me, I get it, cause doing a little bit of mushrooms is fun, and you're just a little giggly and stuff, but like. Yea, but Adam likes to go dark. Don't, I don't go dark. I go, I mean I'm on a different planet, but that to me is the point of doing mushrooms. You want to go see what Mars is like. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever actually tripped on mushrooms?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you have to go in, uh, protector mode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did mushrooms one time, and we were all highest kites, and we, uh, we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, oh, this is where like, uh, what, bobcats or whatever fucking cats, big cats are out in Joshua Tree. And we freak out, we're like, this is their home. This is like the end of the gray when he's with all those caves and they come out, all the wolves come out and murder Liam Neeson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. It's like, oh that movie rocks. But then we're like, we're like, oh shit!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in the middle of these caves. There's probably bobcats or whatever in these caves right here. And we're like, we gotta get out of here. And we get out and we run for what we think is forever. And then we sit down and relax and we're like, oh man, that was life or death. We could have fucking died right then. That was wild. The next day we woke up and saw how far we ran. It was like 30 feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went back, yeaah. And then we, the next morning we woke up and then like went back to see like- You're like, wait, why is there- Where we went. And we were like, oh, this is where we sat and those are the caves. We ran like maybe 30 yards. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, have you guys ever done, uh, you guys haven't, right? What? Mushrooms? Have you ever tripped on mushrooms? Yeaah. No sir, I don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking hate it dude. It sucks caring about stuff. I hate being 40. Yeah, it sucks. It's the worst. 40's the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's cause he didn't keep it going, but I think he's had a lot of health issues. I just saw some... He did, well he's passed away, but yes. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sinbad is 67 years old, still alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so he just, uh, he announced that he is recovering from a stroke. He had it in 2020. That's right. I thought he had some other stuff before that, but maybe not. I don't know. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That like, I guess he's had like a lot of tax issues. He owed like two and a half million dollars in personal income tax. He had a cha- uh, cha- chapter seven uh, bankruptcy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to sell like a two and a half acre hilltop home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says, well, it's another, it says file for chapter 7 bankruptcy. That is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The liquidation under the bankruptcy laws of the U.S. in contrast to bankruptcy under Chapter 11, Chapter 13, which governs the process of reorganization of debts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a liquidation, not a reorganization. We're liquefying this bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, dude, I would love if we're just sponsored by TurboTax. We just do TurboTax commercials now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you've been giving him flowers for years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very good. His thing was like he would like also improv a lot of it. Oh really? Yes. He was like known for just like going wildly off the cuff for like twenty minutes at a time. Wow. And then merandering his way back to his material. And then just going off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which ones that you would like to keep. That's a good one. And uh, maybe we do, we go through the board real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got it. Yeah, this is, hey, as Kyle said earlier,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And man, what a ride that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, we're back. Here we are. Here we are. Get your faces again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also, uh, I would love to cherry pick just a handful of dates. Okay. Next year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Monarch, Legacy of Monsters. It's on Apple TV+. My boy lookin' real good, lookin'. That's the sexiest I've ever seen Ders was shooting that show. I will say that if anyone puts a bunch of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like to think about my parents doing it but I'm okay with thinking about me being very sexual at that age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, jacked is like definition and a little bit of size, like gymnasts are jacked. Okay. But their biceps are swole. So jacked must be smaller than yoked. Yoked is so far very big. Yes, yoked is like, Isaac could be if he ever worked out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The neighbor lady comes over and she's like super salty about him building this like, this like junkyard sculpture and he's like this is art, I'm gonna sell this and she starts hating on him and she's like getting mad about it cause it's like ugly and she's got her like bottom lip out and he's like when you stick your lip out like that it looks like you got on a black turtleneck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, cause the motherfucker drowned, and I didn't think that was like possible, but it drowned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I have to tell you, have you tried ZOA Energy? ZOA Energy, it's a, it's a better for you energy. It's, uh, got great taste, it has electrolytes, BNC vitamins, and zero sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little known fact, Zoa is owned by none other than Dwayne the Rock!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Johnson! You know, it's made with caffeine from green tea, green coffee, and it provides a balanced energy with no crash. Plus, there's like a ton of really good flavors. Tropical Punch, Wild Orange, Strawberry, Watermelon. And now, you know what I'm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sippin' on none other than Frosted Grape. My personal favorite because I've only just tried one and it actually is pretty dang good. Cherry Limeade. Available on Amazon and at a store near you like 7-Eleven, Costco, and more. For more, go to zoaenergy.com. That's Z-O-A energy dot com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they look down and they see Blake Anderson on this rooftop and his chubby little friend oiling, glistening his body up with oils.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never. Oh god, I love Eve. Is that Eve? She's the one with the little... Did you steal my apple juice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're little, uh, tiger prints on our titties, right? Uh, tiger claws? Or paws. They're paws, they're like paw claws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a print is a, like a footprint, like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I thought we were talking Eve, dude. Suddenly we get, we dive. I think we're talking. Deep into like the intricacies of, I was talking titty tats. Titty tats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the best titty tats in the game. I can't think of a lot of other titty tats, uhm, just off the top of my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Chris Anderson, my uncle, yeaah. Was Chris Anderson, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I'm sure it was, there was just like an eagle's wings wrapped around his nipples or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Eve started the titty tat movement and then Rihanna finished it. She was like, and I see your titty tats and I one up you. With an underboob tat. Cause that's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The underboob is such a, that's a, what a prime, prime real estate. Because when you see it, you're like, I'm not supposed to see this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The underboob tat? Oh, for sure. I'm not supposed to see that. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there any dudes with underboob tats? I feel like that's a pretty strong move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's bring dude under boob tats. Uh, I think you, yeaah. I think you have to have an under boob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not supposed to see. No, that's tight. I love tattoos that play off the parts of your body, like when people make their belly button, like a dude like throwing his butthole and stuff, that shit I love. That's what you love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that is what I- I can see that for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've always thought about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could see you, I could see you transitioning and then finally being like a nationally ranked swimmer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Became a woman. Suddenly, you could do it overnight. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would tomorrow you be an elite? Because I know like you run and stuff and you like, could you be an elite athlete or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you, is it your age group? Cause I'm, maybe it's your age group.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what is that, like, waist size or what? What is a 21-22?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know these are children, so these are grown children, so these aren't the babies that Kyle may or may not be eating, uh, since he's no- since he isn't on the pod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, these are- Yeah, they're not, they're too old. They're too old for Kyle to be- These are developed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't, yeaah, you can really just up and decide and then, you know, flip a switch, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I couldn't, I wouldn't, uh, be any better. They'd be like, yeah, you're also not very athletic as a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, since I've had two hip surgeries this year, I would have said like hacky sack, like I feel like I could be pretty elite in a hacky sack setting, but uh, now these hips, these hips, they don't lie. They do not lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, if, sure, and if I go, uh, the female, female round. But dude, I don't know, dude. You've seen some of these, some of these chicks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my dream, I've said a million times, my dream body is a female.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dream is to slap women legally. Uh, no, my dream is to have a female cross fitter's body. Sure, yes. Cause the, I mean, the ultimate pot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a couple forms of light. Yeah, I feel like I could be okay. I could take hits. I know I could just get beaten to death and still keep coming back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is up with those like new fighting competitions? Like I saw one where you're both in like a phone booth. Then they have one where you fight in a car. It's like... Dude, you know what it is? You remember the movie Idiocracy? And how the end of the world and we're all just fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't look away! Well, you gotta, you gotta at least watch a, a clip. It's hard not to watch. Like, remember when we would watch the, I think it was in the Workaholics writer's room where they would have like the group fights? Like, where the UFC teams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we distilled everything down to just like, what do people actually want to see? Like the algorithm has figured out what people actually want to see. They don't want to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude. The grandmas in bikinis? Who sent that? Was that you? Did you send that, Ders? Yeah, Ders sent that. I think it was me, Ders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caffeine from green coffee and green tea. I did not know that green coffee was a thing. No, what is that? Does that mean the beans are just a little raw, a little not ripe yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Diarrhea. Pizza, pizza. Yeah, no, but these are good. Zoa, Zoa. Thank you, Zoa. We represent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was walking through Ikea the other day cause I just kinda, kinda love it there. And they were like setting up these, you know how like every section is just kinda, you're looking in another room that could be your house. This could be the room of your home. Yeah. Do you ever be like, man, I wish I could like totally jerk off in here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. Oh, I get boners. Yeah, or like, or you're with your girl and you're like, we could fuck right now, I bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but no, that's, that's correct. It's like, we've talked about this, like, how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a little cock back, a little quick, quick adjust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, pull it out right now. Not pull it out, but pull the memory from your bank right now. Can you remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no, there's no morning boners for you guys anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like those like, it's not in stock. I never expected them to be like a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like maybe in like 1996, it's a guy, but like, nowadays it's, I figured it was just automated, like, sit down in stock, we send this thing that says, hey Anders, so sorry for the inconvenience. Blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they even have to s- Why do they have to say that? Why do they even have to let you know that it was assisted by AI?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seeing all the tour photos now, now that we're, uh, back in studio. Yeah, baby. Our spare, our spare bedrooms. You think a real Kyle can break dance?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then you see- We wound that motherfucker up. You see Kyle just sitting on like the ends of the chairs, the tops of the chairs, sitting on the floor for some reason, sitting Indian style in the chair, fully reclined in the chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you're like, you're like three years or three months younger than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you're not 40. And he's like, yeah, we are. And I'm like, we're not. We're 36.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if he's pumped. I wonder what his first day of Fortium is feeling like. Well, if I, I mean, I'm, I don't know, cause we're, he's not on the podcast. He could be eating babies. We're not sure exactly what he's doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could be, as a liberal elite, working on a big time Hollywood production, what we do in the shadows. It's possible he's eating babies. We don't know, cause he's not. That's what he's doing in the shadows. Cause he's not on the podcast. See ya!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish he was. So we could tell if he was eating babies or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, too bad. I hope he comes back to us. We'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Gotta get him back from the, the repair shop. Do we? Yeah, I don't know. I feel like we're, we're crushing it dude. Yeah, crush groove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we add a new fourth member. Who would be the best new member of the pod if we could get anybody?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If we had Donald Trump as a fourth, and he was here every week, not Junior. No. No, Junior's funny. No, no, dude. It's either Donald. Dude's got jokes. It's either Donald Trump or Ted Cruz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish you wouldn't say it that way. I wish you wouldn't say it that way. And I'm like, well, would you endorse me to be the president? Cause that's what you kind of did to Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Skrillex hair? I did not know he did Skrillex hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I didn't catch that. What, just like mullet? Which I'm like... Nooo. No, it's like where you like keep it kind of like long and swooped over and you like shave under.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nooooo. Dude, imagine, imagine Ted Cruz, like... Cruise control?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel our producer should be helping us out here. No, stop. Stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He should have wrote a little TC in it. Dude, hey, okay, by the way, I've never really liked Ted Cruz just cause I was like, what a bitch. Like I can't, like if, if...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now he has this haircut. It makes me go like, well, he, he, he is kind of cool. Or do you think this haircut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The barber shop, it was like, yo, give me a cool dude haircut, I have to prove that I'm hip and cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah shit, I don't know, maybe that looks like they were shaving his head and then the power went out in Texas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I feel like it's Morgan Wallen, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's probably pretty... Sure, yeaah, he's a younger guy, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he, he, he thought he was- Siri, how old is Morgan Wallen? He's not 53. He's not 53.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, he definitely thought he was pulling up the stagecoach with his little side fade and was gonna get some fucking runoff Morgan Wallenpinocha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless they want me in Star Wars, I feel like now it's gonna be the thing of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm R2D2, they just spin me around. It's all AI. Or I just show up with like a leather skirt and like a chain and a necklace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how Jabba the Hutt is actually fucking Princess Leia? Is that the question here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but eye candy so then he could fuck. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know that Jabba the Hutt has genitalia, like I never thought of him in that way. No dude, you lift, you lift up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You lift up one of those folds and there's, there's a fucking horse cock in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hot, a hot cock. So you don't think it's the tail? I don't think it's the tail. I believe he has a penis underneath his folds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the- I think the folds have- You think under Jabba the Hutt's titties are his dicks. I don't think it's his titties. He has a belly fold that is covering his- Can we bring up photos of Jabba the Hutt? You know, just look up Jabba the Hutt, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, we do have a representation where it is his tail for sure. Looking at this photo, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like it's tail. Yea. And it does sort of look like a penis head. The very end of his tail. So yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe that's not even a tail, maybe he has these little legs he's sitting on and then that's just kind of his fucking cock laying to the side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say that the huts are gastropods and they reproduce asexually and do not have the correct genitalia for sexual activities in humans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What weird, what weird like backroom, like deep, deep reddit, sub blog, is deep, is Ted Cruz on, just creepin'. You know that guy's just deep internet creepin', troll status.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, he's a 4chan bro. He's that 4chan guy, man. Dude, I watched, uh, that show or that movie Dumb Money. That didn't get enough. I feel like no one talked about that movie and everybody was in it. Uh, Dumb Money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought the premise alone just sounded like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, I'd rather read it as an article. Like, why the fuck would I wanna watch a movie about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are your favorite movies, Adam? I do like, I do like biography type movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wrestler's great. But that wasn't a real person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that movie kicks fuckin' ass. Dude, Iron Claw, I wanna see it. People say it's great, I'm very excited. I know I'm gonna love it. Uh, my boy, my boy Zacchaeephron, our boy, Zacchaeephron, is in it, uh. Do you love him? Look in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most jacked anyone has ever looked. I'm like, Jesus, this guy like put on 30 pounds of- because he was kind of lean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, I think cause you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, yes chef. Oh, I knew. I feel like people were like, what's underneath the hood?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, Blake, you're not gonna get the Calvin Klein ad. Well, you know, let's- Bullshit, I could. You're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're not. I mean, it's not, that one's not, you know, like, we all gotta go, like, where I'm at in my life and career where, you know, Calvin Klein probably isn't gonna knock on the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I think your body's a little more taut than mine. Uh, but I do think a little you can be an underwear model. Let's talk to our friends over at, uh, me on these me on these. Sure. And see if me on these can do a very, very sexually explicit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. It's just you. I'm there on oil duty to make sure my boys all lathered up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I know that you would be uncomfortable with anyone else rubbing your body down with oils. And all I'm saying is I would be there. And, and by the way, this is my idea to get, so shouldn't I get the spoils?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Shouldn't I not get more spoils?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a question that I know we don't know the answer to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are some links all cute and perfect, and you're like, yeah, click.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easy. And then you send a link on like an email or a text to somebody and you're like, here click on this link. And then it's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like 40 lines down, you're like, what? You can't shorten this link?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, okay, the Bear star, Jeremy Allen White, Smolders, and shirtless Calvin Klein. Yeah, okay. But this specific picture, I feel like this is my vibe, where he's kinda like laying down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I thought you were saying where he's, where he's pulling the underwear down and you see like the top cock?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, Blake, you gotta take, we gotta go and take a lot of photos if you'd like this for a MeUndies campaign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Joe with the hot tail. This is another way that AI is taking people's jobs. Because there's a, you know, there's a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, the two links you sent, one was a redirect, and the other, I clicked on it, it says potential security issue detected. Like, come on. I know, not doing it. Come on!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's, dude, that's what, cause you're looking at it as if you're a horny girl and Blake Anderson is on a rooftop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're seeing him just toying, he's toying with his undies up there. And we know it's been established, we know chicks. We know chicks, dude. You need another four inches. And they're rubbin' one out because they look down and they see Blake Anderson on this rooftop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and his chubby little friend oiling, glistening his body up with oils.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, you said that at school? You were put, hey, hey, you were put on cruise control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I remember being at school and you remember that part in uhm, Ace Ventura where he's, where like the, he's like pushes the eagle and the eagle's like, oh yeaah, blow me. I said that to my teacher cause I didn't know what blow me meant. Oh yeaah. Sure? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, that is correct. Almost said starfish. I got a re-watch, I feel like that'd be a good, I don't know, would it be a good re-watch or would you watch it now and be like, this was comedy of a time? Or would it be like, this is a warm, cozy blanket, and I love being underneath it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How he was telling people on In Living Color that he was writing a movie about a pet detective and everyone was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it starts off with a bang. The whole UPS like sequences off the fucking chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did I see? I think my buddy Tony Cavallaro who plays Keith on the Righteous Gemstones just posted today about, uh, like a guy walking, he was wearing a black trench coat and he was walking like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the Jim Carrey head on each side and then he turns around and like does the eyebrow and like whips his head around and is walking. But then there's no mention of Jim Carrey. It's like this guy's just doing this walk and I'm like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no- he's not saying like Jim Carrey or like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing else about this guy is, it was like when you're walking out of, I forget exactly what it is, but you're walking out of a restaurant like this or something. And, uh. I love that hashtag. And I was a little, I was a little, I was a little bit like. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No homage, and the fact that, uh, that he's just, uh, he's changed the way people walk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, my, I realized that my wife, we like use her old Hulu account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As like our Hulu account now? Uh, she doesn't pay for premium Hulu, so we couldn't watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Emmys, dude. I was so disappointed. I'm like, what do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to buy the premium Hulu in order to watch the live shit. And she hadn't done that. And I was so salty. I'm like, we have to have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, totally, totally. Just follow along on Twitter. Better that way.


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[Assistant] It's better that way. It's kinda crazy. It is hard to, um, navigate these channels.


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[Assistant] Imagine you... Closing my eyes. Were cast in that movie.


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[Assistant] He's just a comic, you know, he's on In Living Color, but you didn't catch it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Once Bitten was kind of a nothing movie. You sort of just, you have- There's an Earth, Earth, Earth Girls are easy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you for sure are. Imagine you, you're casting a movie now and then somebody, Jim Carrey doesn't exist and then a young Jim Carrey is doing that. You would be like,


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[Assistant] That's the show. That's the show. That's the show.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they've, they've had a career for 20 years. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well that's cool, it's cause you like just, you know, you kind of, everybody has their lanes that they watch.


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[Assistant] And it's like when you go out and you're at a restaurant or something and then


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's the worst. And they're like. That's okay. It's fine. And they're like, what else have you been in? And you're like on the spot. So you're like, uh.


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[Assistant] Uh, any, uh. Is that green coffee, baby? Woof, woof. Give me Jackson Juicy. Any, uh, take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams or giveaways? Epic slam Kyle for having no respect for the podcast. Doesn't care about the fans. Uh, see ya.


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[Assistant] Yeah. No flowers to him. Never. Nope. And even though pretty mad at Kyle, not gonna give him flowers. Yeah, that's big of you.


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[Assistant] You know what that means. Big Dwayne energy. You can see the new commercial on Zoas, Instagram or YouTube channels. You have just got to check this out. They really went there.


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[Assistant] ZOA Energy is powered by Great Taste Electrolyzed BNC Vitamin Zero Sugar.


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[Assistant] Yeah, is it all through, it's all just like you, uh, Evo, you don't like send it in through the mail, do you?


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[Assistant] I watch them on YouTube. I'm kind of a YouTube guy now. I watch everything through YouTube.


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[Assistant] Everybody is so up to the second informed on everything that like, like what the fuck? Like how would we even know that like that Nickelodeon thing came out unless you're like constantly online


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[Assistant] I think you're really obsessed with breastfeeding, dude. It's pretty fucking weird. Like, get over it.


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[Assistant] Man, I just saw the visual and the visual of it was making me laugh.


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[Assistant] We usually been like seeking destroying like barbecue while we were there, but went back to trying Texas tacos.


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[Assistant] They're still the frickin' best. Texas tacos are so damn good.


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[Assistant] Well, I kind of feel like they were the curators of the breakfast taco. They kind of put that on the map, which is obvious.


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[Assistant] Actually. Like the big taco shop out there, it used to be like a trailer, was like Torchy's Tacos. And then it kinda like expanded and then I was like, oh maybe like Torchy's like lost its edge because it became like a- Okay, its edge. A chain or whatever. Sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but then I pulled up this weekend or a couple of weekends ago. It was- Have you lost your edge? It was so good, dude. Yeah.


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[Assistant] We don't have a centrifugal machine. Fuck that. Don't even. So they spin it. Centrifugal. They spin it and then they


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[Assistant] I mean, okay, for sure my undies are medium, but like, if I buy sweatpants, I'm going small.


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[Assistant] But I'm just saying Derson, if you're aspiring to the large, why not aspire to get in, fit into the extra large? Why not go that way?


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[Assistant] It's all strapped in, you can put the seatbelt on and do like the recumbent, it would be, it'd be fire.


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[Assistant] No, you said camera coo, you said camera coo. Cause you were like, guys, I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna go out back and like, just kinda jump rope and do some, do some free weights, uh, don't film this. Nobody film.


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[Assistant] I wonder how many of the takes that are used in Hollywood are right before a meal penalty.


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[Assistant] Oh really? Oh, when we were going to New York for the This Is Important live tour, we were on a fight with Killian and Omar Epps, so. Damn.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. That's a no-no. You gotta kinda keep your shoes on on the plane, right?


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[Assistant] Wow, he didn't even wear underwear. That dude is fucking weird as fuck.


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[Assistant] You're wearing shorts on an airplane, right? I do. I like to wear like a loose fitting pair of umbros and then uhm, longer socks, so. And why?


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[Assistant] Uhm, I get hot. I run hot and then I find- Go ahead, I'm gonna go get a snack. You go ahead for five minutes. Go ahead.


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[Assistant] I just find that planes get a little hot and uhm, I just like this. I feel like they get cold. Really? Interesting.


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[Assistant] I like to have something where I can completely cover my head. Cause I don't want people taking pictures or videos of me sleeping. I don't like that.


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[Assistant] Oh, so now you think people want to take videos!


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[Assistant] It's actually way warmer if we all take our clothes off and hug with no shirts on skin to skin. It actually is warmer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we, uh, we put in a little vial, we shook it up and yeah.


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[Assistant] Real quick, what was my two dads the TV show about? Was that about two dads who loved each other or was it like what was the premise?


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[Assistant] I've directed some stuff, you just haven't seen it. What? I'm not telling. What? I'm not telling.


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[Assistant] That's pretty cool. Is that garbage pail kids? Yeah, that is tight. Love the garbage pail kids. Love em. Put the kids back in the pail.


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[Assistant] I didn't realize that different sports had different cheerleaders. I didn't know that was a thing. That's cool.


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[Assistant] And you're like, those are my people. That's it. They're also choosing nicotine. I like that. That's good. Hey, well you noticed you're smoking. Did you see auditions are up?


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[Assistant] What's going on? How do you have nothing when somebody like were to lick or suck your tits? You have no feeling? I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Like Spanx? Yeaah. Like Spanx? Yes. Kind of, yeaah. But Spanx are not


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[Assistant] I don't think it's a million, it's not that much, it's less than that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's fucking stupid. He's like, I didn't know that you could go not full method, is basically what he's saying. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about?


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[Assistant] I think like, uh, yeaah, I think like, uhm, I mean I've worked with so many great actors, but the guy who I really love working with is Matt Berry. Okay. I love Matt Berry.


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[Assistant] You think like the bosses left the mapping session? They were like, can you guys just finish it? I got, I got kids, I gotta go. What about, this one's pretty big. The long one?


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[Assistant] Before the show we were doing a sound check and I just kept saying, YOU DON'T!


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, Long Island is a mixed bag, right? It's like a weird socioeconomic experiment on an island. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I thought you were like, beating off like, on cocaine.


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[Assistant] I think that when they figure out how to explain it, it'll be back. But what do you mean?


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[Assistant] I don't really game, but like kids my kids age do and every parent is like, I don't even give my kid real money anymore. I give him like cyber money to go buy shit in a place that doesn't exist. So all those kids growing up with that as their thing are going to grow up and be like, that thing's worth money to me. I get it.


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[Assistant] Wait, and by the way, the mom's name is Lynn. Oh really? Is what I just heard backstage. Jesus. But so sorry, so sorry.


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[Assistant] I like how half the audience is like, they can get sunburned.


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[Assistant] There would be like a little tiny ad for the Playboy channel and it was the same ad that came every week so I didn't have to collect it because it just came, so to speak.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but wait, this is like the circumcision discussion, like does your wife get a say in this?


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[Assistant] I think Sandy as a state of being after you're at the beach, like three or four hours later, not okay. I think Sandy Duncan is our best Peter Pan. Go ahead, sorry.


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[Assistant] Mmm, this says the page doesn't exist. She had it. Becca was on it. Anna's-


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[Assistant] Uh, what is the name Amos though? What the fuck is?


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[Assistant] Right. Uhm. Why is my shirt so tight? I think it's more a comment on your haircut. You kinda have like a... High and tight. High and tight, yeaah. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] This time after you hit him, back over the motherfuckhead.


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[Assistant] I like the hard stance of Ders like, use your kickstands, I fucking swear to God, if you don't use a kickstand, it's on site with me dude.


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[Assistant] I know why you guys wanted to change it to the Roughriders, because it's a condom.


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[Assistant] I don't have any caffeine, uh, and then I will either mix a little vodka, soda, and put a little Zequil in it.


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[Assistant] Well because that's the thing, it's like the guys that are a little bit bigger, you know when they get a little older they start lifting weights. Right. Like Dr. Dre.


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[Assistant] Or a whole miniseries about her, yea.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. I'm like, don't. Don't.


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[Assistant] This song came out and I was like, I think I've moved to the fucking country because they play music like this on the radio and I was like, I fucked up. I'm in the middle of nowhere and then it became the biggest song everywhere and I was like, okay cool. I'll see you guys at Halloween.