[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has, he, he videoed, like he, he gets his phone and records his advances, so he's like very, very like, like procedurally asking her if it's okay for him to put his...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jerry Seinfeld level comedian, like, you know, one of the most successful all time or whatever, but I hate when they start like talking shop about it and like sort of saying like, this is how it should be. And like, you're not really a comedian if you're not doing this, blah, blah, blah. And it's just like, all right, you know, that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A comedian, a comedian can't, uhm, hide behind a studio, like a musician can, sort of thing, right? But you can't just teach it. A musician can have support with like a studio band who might be exceptionally good, which could make all the difference, sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A musician can hide behind studio technology as well, like voice changing effects, like all that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you can like, I mean, like they've proven time and time again with like X Factor and Pop Idol and American Idol and stuff like that, that they can just manufacture these people out of nothing. Uhm, and make them successful, but a comedian has to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think uhm, I think, I think like in Eddie Murphy's case and maybe in other comedians' cases as well is that if they're lucky enough to start from a young age and work clubs where more established people are working, they'll almost take them under their wing and like sort of, you know what I mean? Like with Eddie Murphy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Richard Pryor had a lot to do with Eddie Murphy. And Eddie Murphy used to say that he thought that Richard Pryor just didn't like him because it was kind of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, a sign that Richard Pryor was like almost done sort of thing. It's like, oh, here's this new, new, new black comedian who is basically going to replace you, Richard. And he was like, oh, okay, cool. But like secretly like, ah, fuck this guy. Like, I'm not ready to like give up my crown sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just was in too much stuff and yeaah, I just don't think he got many more sort of big opportunities after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a thing, that's a thing with women, right? They, it's like, it's, it's harder for women, I think, in Hollywood because the types of roles that they play and stuff, you know, like they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're either, they're either young and like hot and all the magazines want to do like bits on them and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, or they're like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't really want to watch Daniel Craig. Full stop. I don't care what he's doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's because in kids TV and kids cinema and stuff, the good studios make movies that not only appeal to children, but they have very subtle adult humour in them as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like an in-joke sort of thing, right? Because you grew up in a time where that joke was made or it was popularized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simpsons was designed for primetime TV and I remember when it came out, it was, everybody wanted to watch it. Like kids, kids especially, but it had lots of adult humor in it that kids just didn't understand the references or whatever, but they still loved it. Like it's one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's that formula, right? Pixar does it really well, like, lots of, lots of studios do it really well, where they, they can appeal massively to children and make this thing that children just want to have or, you know, call their own or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it just has lots and lots of adult humor in it as well. That's subtle enough for kids to not pick up on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes it, uh, entirely not tedious for you to have to sit through two hours of it with your kids sort of thing, you know what I mean? Simpsons is no different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think comedy works best when it's on the very edge sort of thing. Like, like, you know, we do find, like, upsetting things sometimes quite funny and especially if it's presented in a clever way or like, uh, you know, it's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's odd, isn't it? Like I think, I think it's easier to watch comedy when you're not like, uh, affected by any of the stuff being discussed, right? And it's probably a lot more difficult when you, when you, when you take it more personally or are affected by the stuff that happens, you know, like I, like I can laugh at a prison rape joke because I've never been raped in prison. I've never been to prison before. So sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not the funniest goddamn thing I've ever heard, but like, whatever, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like there's a whole, that whole segment of uh, Norm MacDonald on uh, on that YouTube channel. And just the prison rape jokes from Saturday Night Live and like his earlier stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the thing is, okay fine, you've unfollowed him, you've unfollowed him off the suggestion of somebody, but you haven't, you haven't unfollowed him for like, the pure reason, right? You've just unfollowed him because it's like, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you post something on Twitter that's even remotely funny and related to Father Ted, great. That's why I followed him in the first place, because of Father Ted. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't hold a strong belief on that though, like, you know, like, like, I, if, if, if that offends somebody, uhm, to, to laugh at that and they're around me or whatever, I, I would apologize, I would say, oh, sorry, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To falsely support like, like trans rights and stuff as well by unfollowing somebody on Twitter because as much as I support somebody's right to be who they are or who they want to be and freedom and stuff like that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are things that don't really affect me. I'm not going to be as passionate about them as somebody who is, who is affected by it, you know, or, or living that life or whatever. You know what I mean? I think there's, I think there's a lot of, uh, like almost like false support, um, for,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and being like overly sort of supportive about something that they have nothing to do with or whatever is, is, is, is not, it's not a genuine thing. It's, it's, it's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sales or something like that. And it doesn't feel nice. It doesn't feel good. Like, yeah, we should be on top of that stuff too. I wouldn't expect somebody to support, uh, me with, with, with just about anything really, but like, you know what I mean? Like it's, I don't know. Like I, I think, I think just, I think it's important to just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be yourself and not get caught up in the hype of everything, you know what I mean? Like, just, like, and don't be an asshole either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do my best. I think I'm a reasonable person. I don't think I'm overly offensive to any one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, happy-go-lucky sort of, sort of person and- A live-and-let-live kind of guy. Yeaah, and I think, I, I think- Or live-and-let-die. I think that's, that's enough. I don't feel like I, I need to do more than that. You know what I mean? James Bond kissing Judi Dench. Next Bond movie. Let's do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's 85 guys, holy shit. Oh man, can't be, it's tough nowadays isn't it, it's tough. It feels like you have to constantly just say the right things and not say the wrong things or whatever and I think that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the media that we consume, a lot of the stuff that we read is very, you're meant to believe that it's the vast majority speaking, but it's like anything, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, it's what happens when you don't, um, live, live in and around Bristol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our hairdressers, our hairdressers are open again, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's fair enough. This whole year is a write-off basically. I think it was Rob Delaney was saying on Twitter the other day, he said this academic year is a write-off and the expectation that people should be at home, homeschooling their kids on top of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look great today, Sponge. Thank you, I will absorb that. And then you can say to Sponge, jeez, you're fucking stupid, Sponge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I mean it's, I think it's, it's human nature, like, like these days I don't think people take that into account, we're expected to be some sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, uh, robot or, you know, we, we were, we're expected to have some like, you know, uh, perfect programming somehow or something, but people are, people always have been and always will be different and fucked up for different reasons as well, right? You're not wrong. It's impossible. It's impossible to get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be right or get it right or live up to like a standard or other standards or whatever, you know? I think the best you can do is just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be yourself and uhm, did you know that they're rebooting Bill and Ted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really does look bad. Yeah. Fuck me. It caught me by surprise. I was looking, I was watching trailers the other day from, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say that zoomers would be eating that stuff. That seems much more recent, a much more recent fad than, uh, than it would have been for millennials, right? Like, like avocado on toast is what like within the last decade that became


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was my whole childhood. Those were all shows that were on. Popular at the time. I watched them. Like I was, I was, uh, I was the target demographic for He-Man when He-Man came out. I was a five year old kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get those, get those toys and buy them all, collect them all. It was, it was exciting though. I like, like when I look back to the stuff that was coming out when I was a kid and everything like GI Joe, He-Man, all that kind of stuff is awesome. God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lucky, lucky, lucky to be a kid in that era for sure. Do people still have?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean there's certain things that you just have to have reserves of. I mean it's not gonna kill you to have two tubes of toothpaste on hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just can't believe you got to the point where you could not brush your teeth because you had zero toothpaste. You can't get to that point. That's rock bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what you should do? If you're wondering what to do with that space, fill it with empty mason jars, okay? And then, when people come to visit your place, you can show them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like mosquito spray. You know what I mean? Like you're- Right, for friends. For people, yeaah. So you're like, yeaah. You wanna mess with this? I don't think you do. I got lots of empty mason jars in my... pantry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some of those people have had COVID and they're celebrating. They've gotten past it. So they're now like immune to it or whatever. That's what they're doing. They're just going around and slapping each other on the back and stuff, you know, like they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They find, they find other people in a similar situation and it's party time. You know, they, they're, they're done. They've done their.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've done their bit. They're, they're, they're past it. They don't need to worry anymore. So that's the, I think in some cases when you see people doing that, that's what's, that's what's happened. You know what I mean? They feel, they feel okay about everything because they've, they've developed like the, their immunity or whatever through having it and surviving it and stuff. And now they're out there slapping each other's butts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, egos and principles aside and stuff, flax. If you really cared that much, you would clean it up after them. I'm just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably why it's there in the first place. They didn't have one either, evidently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did you just leave it there though, when you left?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be, yeaah, but at the same time, it's like uhm, I think if you're gonna do that, that's gotta be like your only thing to do, right? That's enough to do. You don't, you wouldn't wanna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was, they opened up the, uhm, they opened up barbershops and hairdressers here last Friday, uhm, as part of our lockdown exit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we, well, it was nice because we went, we were, we were in town because like I said, the lockdown is, is easing substantially over here. So I took the kids- And you turned to each other and you said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Littering and just, you know, just doing all that kind of stuff. So we were walking by or close to where the barbershop was and I thought I'll just go check. I'll just go see what's up. Like they just opened yesterday. So, you know, it's probably going to be busy. Let's just go look and see what the deal is sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get there and it's empty and I was like, well, that's kind of weird. And I look on the door and there's a sign that says, you know, we're only doing appointments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We still have to social distance. Everybody's wearing like hazmat suits and stuff in there. Um, and uh, so I said to the lady, like me and my son really need a haircut. Can I make, can I book an appointment like for as soon as you guys can, can like fit us in sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, yeah, yeah, we'll, we'll put you in for like what next Thursday in the morning or something. I was like, yeah, okay, whatever. That's fine. Um, and then one of the ladies like in the back sort of pipes up and says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the person I'm waiting for's appointment is, is 10 minutes late. So I can do one of you right now because I'm not just waiting around. You know what I mean? Like if you're going to turn up 10 minutes late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the dream, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So I was like, okay, cool. Uh, you know, just, just do, just do my son. Um, you know, get, get, let's get him a haircut. Cause it was like really like in his eyes, everything. He saw this guy on the Instagram.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so she, so she starts cutting his hair, she starts cutting his hair and I'm thinking, oh great, I'm glad that we came and checked this out, like it's good he's getting a haircut and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then this other lady pipes up while my son's getting his hair cut and she's like, Oh, my appointment is also 10 minutes late. Do you want me to cut your hair? I didn't, I didn't even say anything about me getting a haircut. She just took one look at me and thought this guy needs a haircut really bad. Uh, I was like, Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. So I got my haircut too and it was one of those, those sweet little victories, you know, when you're just like, fuck me, like I just completely, um, lucked out. I like, I took the opportunity and now I don't have to turn out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Later in the week to get my hair cut or anything. I just, I'm ready to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People want to, people want to prepare for when they can go out again. They want to look good, they want to feel good too. People have been locked down for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fitting room takes on like a, takes on a whole different meaning for me. Like if I'm forced to go into a clothes store, I need a room where I can just go in and have a fit. Cause like I'm inside in my head, I'm in such, such intense amounts of pain. I hate going clothes shopping. Like I hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate being dragged into a clothes store. Man, it just, it's so boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A big part of clothes shopping and a big factor into the system of purchasing clothes is returns, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, say you order something online, you order a shirt and it gets down and it doesn't fit. You can return it and they'll normally pay for the postage and everything, credit you back and then you can just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife does it all the time. Like every day something, there's something, uh, parceled up ready to be returned. Like it's crazy. I can't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't remember the last time I went to buy clothes and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It turns out that most of the clothes that I currently have are clothes that have been given to me, right? I think as a dad, you accumulate shirts a lot. Shirts and t-shirts. Nobody knows what to get you, so they'll get you like stupid novelty shirts. Like I got a fallout shirt for my birthday, uh, which is really nice for my kids and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before that, at Christmas, I got some sort of shirt to wear. So now my, my drawer, my shirt drawer is just filled with shirts that have been given to me. Like, I, I never go online to buy clothes, I never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go clothes shopping. I only go if I absolutely, like it's like a complete and utter necessity to do so. Like I'm out of clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, great. Did it fall out yet? Because, um, unusually, uhm. Was it, is it actually thoughtful or is it just, like, I remember one year for Christmas you got me the art of erotic dancing, a DVD, which I still have in here and it's in its shrink wrapping still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, that was a nice gift. Honestly, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, fuck, I better go open that box. And I just thought it was going to be a bunch of junk in there, but now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, jeez, you've stolen everything! You guys can give birth to other life, uh, you can do everything, we can't do shit!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Yeah, no, it's weird, uh, it's weird how that imbalance exists, doesn't it? Because the, like, men, I don't think would ever put up with it, right? Like a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but women seem to constantly make an effort in all areas, right? They've got more options! They do, but they still go the extra mile, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm at that point with the police now. I have no time for them. I can't be bothered. If they're knocking on my door, they can speak to somebody else. I'm not talking to them. Cause it's all these geeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like hibernating the whole time. When he's on a boat, if he's ever on a container ship or a boat or whatever, as vampires, that's how they seem to get around, even though they can fly. It boggles your mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, probably not. There's all sorts of weird stipula- it's like Curse being a vampire, right? So there's lots of downsides to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's such a stereotype and it's there for a reason, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else? They could turn it to a bat. No, vampires. Well, yeaah, I suppose vampires, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're right, okay. Like you're meeting someone and you're not sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were ready. So we're in week three of the lockdown at the time of recording. Yep. Uh, it's, it's started to get to a few people, a few people going mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's amazing how much nature going out into the, into nature. I read a study this week that said that people who spent more time with nature had higher like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's like an investment, like you put out, you put a bit of time into that, but you get more time out of it as well. I get really sluggish and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like slow when I'm home all day. Maybe it's like a hibernation thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're not supposed to go out. Um, but you know, they, they did say that it's okay if you have your daily exercise, which I obviously never have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This whole thing really has brought out all the little Hitlers, um, who were in their little fields. And you know, all those awful CEOs and assholes and all those sort of people who...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a lot of reports of people like, like people complaining about Easter eggs, like going into corner shops and being like, you can't sell Easter eggs or like being behind someone in a shop and saying, you can't buy an Easter egg or literally shop assistants being like, don't, you can't buy this because it's not essential, mate. It's not essential. I bought a couple the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's that make you feel? Yeah, you're a dick, aren't you, mate? That's what they say. That's what they like. They're, they're like, I mean, we're not living in like Bear Grylls stuff, like essential, right? What is essential? It's obviously different to other people. I think avocados are pretty essential for my, for my happiness and my health, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like obviously human life is sacred. Don't get me wrong, I don't want people to die before I say what I'm about to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, on the grounds of it's killing people. Do you know what I mean? Like, like if you're, if you go outside, um, you know, to walk your dog or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're killing people, do you know what I mean? You're, you're the, your people are dying because you were so selfish that you had to go outside and it's like, it's kind of, I get it, right? We need to guilt trip a lot of idiots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was into not going outside because, you know, they're having parties still and, you know, I walked through town yesterday and it was a nice sunny day because we're having this sort of mini heatwave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's loads of people out. Loads and loads of people out. Like everywhere, there's tons of people all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is one character in it who I think is supposed to be based on a real guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Brad Pitt's character and he is like a doomsday kind of guy. Sure. Um, who's gone off the grid a bit. And one of the statistics that he quotes, and I don't know whether it's true is that, um, you know, if, if unemployment rises by 1%,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think it's more to do with just people when they've lost their jobs, they get less money than they have, they can't pay their mortgage. So they get made homeless or they get, you know, they get, um, they can't pay for proper food and proper diet. So they struggle or they're, they're, they're, I don't know. There's like hundreds of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to keep yourself mentally healthy because I think sometimes like, you know, this, this is, this is impactful too. And, and also let's keep the Easter egg. I'm saying the Easter egg industry is going to boil up our economy. What goes out there and buys an Easter Easter coming into full effect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of players playing first person shooters. I mean Fortnite. Yeah, it's the biggest genre, right? CSGO, even Call of Duty, the new thing. Also even, even Minecraft. Think about the first person combat game. Even Animal Crossing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think you know what it is though, I think for me playing Animal Crossing has been a little bit like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It's like, imagine, okay, this is a really, really weird example, but I went to Italy and had like some really nice, like, I don't know, fancy pasta at like authentic restaurant. And it was like, it was like, like nothing I'd ever had. And it changed the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought about pasta, right? Okay. And then I came back home and I had a Sainsbury's value pasta salad, right? And the person in front of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the person at lunch was eating it next to me and they were like, oh my god, have you tried this pasture salad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play for an hour a day and you slowly build up this thing and it's really cute and it's really heartwarming and it's really, it's really nice, especially for people in the lockdown who are like, want to, want to create and build and stuff. And it's very safe. It's very friendly and it's very incredible amount of tools. You can like, you know, customize everything. Um, but yeah, it's like, it's like totally


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally awkward, totally slow, totally frustrating to control for me. You know, so kind of AFK gaming as well, right? You could totally do like two other things while you're doing it. You can watch TV and have, look after kids while you're playing it. As you know, it's, it's like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not what I want out of a game in any way, shape or form and the kind of games that I've tried to get away from actively over the last.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a few years, uh, those kinds of games that hook you in and make you come back every day and don't have an end. So they're very like skinning on you. I've tried to like this, this week and this month really, well, the last couple of years, I've tried to play games that have an end. I played, I played Metro Exodus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This week, I really enjoyed it. Nice. I played uhm, What Remains of Edith Fincher. Never played that before. Oh yeaah. I really enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so you know, I've, I've in this, in this sort of lockdown, I've just, I've been, I've really enjoyed those experiences and I've read a few comics and I've read a few books and I've played Animal Crossing because I felt like I had to, uhm, to, to be in on the hype and I think that's been the least enjoyable thing I've done this week. So I think that's my review of Animal Crossing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds like a solid 9 out of 10. However, I will say about Animal Crossing, it's a very nice social thing to do. A lot of the time, you know, I'm on there and I'll be chatting to someone and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simon. Simon's been playing it a lot. He's built really some loads of really cool stuff. He's got a really cool line and Nina's been playing it. But I've got like 20 people on my Switch Friends list. That was the first thing I did. I added everyone to my friends list and then I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So that was, that was a nice thing, but actually I've been playing games with people on tabletops and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should, you should, you should do that tabletop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But imagine, imagine, you know, it's like you're holding one of those grabby hands or whatever, one of those long distance grabbers and you're trying to, it's really awkward. Imagine if you had to like eat your pasta with like a grabby hand, one of those litter picker up. It's like even like VR, you know, when you pick things up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a fucking VR game waiting to happen, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's all these hot girls like surrounding the Google car and kissing it and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how we choose our partners too. Yeah. Well, we, well, we, we find someone whose butt smell we can withstand. Like, if they've got really strong butt smell, then it's going to be like, mm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the main guy's got a glass eye and he's a bit sort of weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then sometimes they do the same thing where this did really happen by the way, cause some of the stuff's really interesting. He was on like a dating site or whatever and he just put on there like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a guy, you know, I'm a medical doctor with 150,000 pounds of student debt who doesn't want to work in a hospital but also has a glass eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, that was it. You're the exact person I'm looking for, someone who's honest. I like that. Uhm, which is, so there you go, just shows that, you know, you can get away with anything if you, if you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not backed up by anything because the one scene that they do is they, he has like, um, the character has like a stripper telling him that she's got five houses. And he's like, okay,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, a lot of the time they don't know what they're buying though as well. And so for example, what, what housing is the classic example is like housing is very, very solid. You know, it will get you like not very many gains, but like 1% maybe a year. Okay. And it's, it's, it's for so many years, it was a rock solid investment. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that means that what banks can do is they can take derivatives out, which means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What exactly somebody is, um, and that's, that's, that's, that's how all this finance system is all kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's taking the wealth out of the future. So, so the way these governments are sort of printing money and selling these treasury bonds is they're taking future tax revenues to pay for it. So it's like the next 30 years worth of tax revenues are being invested into solving this crisis, which feels like a bit of a gamble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think, yeah, it's, oh, it's such a complicated and a really interesting world. You know, I was just into a podcast about the stock market crash of, um, 1987, which is black Monday. And man, there's some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some like really, cause that was when they were first having these computer sort of algorithms, you know, and that they were kind of, they were very basic, but also they kind of went a bit, they were a bit sort of haywire. Um, and there weren't like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, there weren't sort of any circuit breakers on the stock market. There were these things called like stop loss orders. So basically like as soon as the stock would fall a certain amount, the computers would sell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so that would cause it to fall more, which would trigger more computers to sell as these only stop loss orders. And so that's why the, the, the, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gosh, man, you're allergic to the idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no, like, yeah, it's a funny old time, funny old time to, to, I was thinking about that as well, P-Flex earlier, actually, the idea that, um, you know, how, how are all the drug dealers going to get their, how are all the drugies going to get their fix and stuff? Yeah. Well, I think apparently they are though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder what impacts we're going to see out of this. Are people just going to switch to like, I don't know, a lot of people have already feel like a lot of businesses have already, now they're able to work from home. Maybe they'll be more efficient.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like everyone I've spoken to has done more exercise. I mean, I'm interested to hear what are people, are people happier, like working from home, um, like than in the office or, or at least temporarily, I think they probably are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I feel like I'm even like just for some reason, eating healthier, doing a bit more excess than I was, giving a bit more of a shit. I think it's because it's sunny, it's suddenly sunny as well outside. I just feel a lot better than I've been in the last few months. You know what I think's made a big difference?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it was better before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not, but I'm, I feel like, you know, is there some light out of this or is it only, is it, you know, I feel like, I feel like maybe it's not just shit for everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, there's some, there's some happiness anyway. I don't know. It's hard not to talk about, uhm, all this stuff. It's fucking crazy really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the opposite. Like I was walking in the park yesterday and there was like some guy doing like some ground, like groundwork there and he sort of scowled at me a little bit. And I sort of was thinking like, is he judging me because like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, you know, happily walking through a park. Am I not supposed to be in this park? You know, is he, so I was like, I didn't want to look like I was having a good time. So I instantly was like, Oh, you know, better up my pace. Look like I'm doing my daily exercise or whatever. Cause I don't want him to judge me for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you know, better not look like I'm having a good time out there because, you know, got to take it all very seriously, you know, stiff up a lip and all that. It's very much that kind of war mentality out there. It doesn't, doesn't feel like everyone's actually having a happy, good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple of families, like, two parents out with their kids and their kids were like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't get too close to the fence, you know, like, uh, like, uh, it's, I don't know. It must be tough for people with kids as well. My son was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to destroy it. Uh, you know, and they're like, oh, and then like, that's, that's the interaction for like, that's like the only interaction you have in half an hour. Um, tell people what you're doing so they don't, so you're not cheating, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I always think that like a smile goes a long way to, to actually towards people. So many people you never fucking smile. And in fact, in some cultures, it's really interesting. They actually like, um, I was speaking about this guy who lives in, I think it's like Georgia with the Russians sort of, um, on the south of Russia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people there, he moved there and I think met, I think he met a woman there, moved there. And apparently that, that, in that culture, they just are not very smiley naturally. They don't, they don't smile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out in public, but even though they're quite happy and quite jolly and friendly and will make jokes and stuff and are friendly, very friendly people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they, but it's like a cultural thing where they don't, they don't really smile. And in America, it's, it's a very fakie, you know, waitressy kind of, or server, like, oh, you know, smile for your tips, fakeness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and that's not, not what I'm talking about, but certainly in the UK, we're kind of, we're not necessarily very upbeat people naturally. Um, but I think it's a, it's very nice to have a genuine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry. Uh, anyway, I was thinking about that kid thing you were saying. If you let like, your kids just do whatever the fuck they want, they're gonna eat ice cream every day and just ruin themselves. I guess, I guess being a parent is a little bit like having your kid join the army and he's got this habit formed rote thing where every day


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, and, and people in the army are not necessarily...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unhappy. They do have a very rigorous like regimented life of, uh, of habits and things. And it's, it's quite, it's not, I don't think it's psychologically very good because it's a little bit controlling, but I think it is like people get used to it and they, they don't hate it. They're not incredibly, it's not like they're in prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, where it's kind of this torture that they have to go through. It certainly feels quite nice to have this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking like uuugh, you know, but also we have to exercise, which we don't really want to do. We have to like sleep properly and not stay up too late. You know, there's, there's, there's so many things we have to do all the time and I don't think that you should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, feel bad, um, if you don't do all of those things, um, but it, but it is positive to try and, and, and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get them done. And I always feel better when I've done it. Like it's like, I really don't want to tidy up. But once I have had it, like clean the house, I'm like, man, I feel, I feel like this weight off my shoulders that I've done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I think, I think we, as adults we have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Police our own brain. And one of the things I've found myself doing, for example, which I shouldn't do as much is I've just been really addicted to like checking the news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's like a really bad thing to do. Like cause of this coronavirus, I've just been so morbidly fascinated with it. I'm just sort of scouring regularly, checking like different news sites for like updates and things like listening to the news and being able to use a lot more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Than I have ever been and I have noticed it this week and I've tried to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all negative. It's just the same negative stuff and it's not giving me any, like, it's not making me feel better. I'm not trying to hide from it, the reality, but it's not like a positive thing. So anyway, that's something which I noticed I was doing, which I shouldn't be doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Checking you're going to just, you're going to do that's the first thing you do when it's fixed. You're going to go in there and just have a shower, even though it will be like four in the afternoon. Are you going to just do a weird afternoon chat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I get it. Like I, I don't mind. I wash it multiple times per day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether you, cause a lot of people do exercise in the morning. They do a run or a gym. One thing I did yesterday was ring fit. It's like, it's like the latest switch. Um, we fit exercise thing. And so it's a video game with a ring and you put the controller in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not very good, but anyway, it's okay. Um, I tried it out. I had to, I put all my, my stats in my height of my way, my age and God, like it's sort of how, how much exercise I do. It's like not very much, anyways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started playing this thing and I'm, you have to kind of, it's like temple run, right? So you know when you're like doing one of those runners where you run through a map, right? Uh, but you have to jog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To keep yourself going through the map, uhm, on the spot. And if you jog faster, you run faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so you could sort of run, rush to this thing. You could jump at things by like boosting yourself up, uhm, squeezing this ring, and also, uh, when you fight


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to do, I'm not even joking, like, 50 squats to kill this boss. And I was like, fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I doing with my life? Just stood in my lounge doing 50 squats to kill like a fucking cartoon dragon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was really odd because like there's this dragon standing there. Right. And he's like, rawr.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like doing a squat and each time you do a squat, a little like fist comes out of the ground and like fists him up the ass. Jesus. And I was like, what the fuck? Um, and so he goes, ah, and then you do another squat. It was so fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I might do it again, but I just, I just felt like, anyway, afterwards I was really sweaty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but I'd had a shower already. And so I was like, I just had a shower and now I've done this exercise. Am I now, do I now have another shower? So I had another shower. I didn't write, but there's two showers already. You're saying that, I mean, you have to almost have that second shower that's required, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was always told that when you were doing yoga, you should always do it with like a clean body kind of thing. So you're supposed to like do the exercise with being clean. So does that like, I don't know what the etiquette is. A lot of people like you would say it's greedy. I think in a general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think comparatively, comparatively you are clean. Yeah. Speaking about showers, I knew someone who that was their sort of way to get off, right? They would use the running, the, the friction of the running water. They would spray it on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's, that is it, isn't it? Like, eventually you are paying, I would, I'd like to know how much that costs, because other people's fetishes, I'm sure people spend more than the cost of a shower to get themselves off. Oh yea, shower fetish has to be the cheapest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's like, especially since it's not private, you know, your internet service providers are legally obliged to pass things on to government agencies. Right, right. They are? Yeaah. Oh god. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interestingly, um, read an article a couple of weeks ago on Colony about a guy who, um, keeps disappearing into the bathroom with a stick of butter. Yes, I read that too. Yeah, it was an amazing post.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people have accused this of being fake, but I swear this is a real situation I'm dealing with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But one night, a few weeks ago, I saw him try to stealthily take a stick of butter from the fridge, which I pretended not to notice, and he took the butter with him into the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have noticed my boyfriend spending an hour or more of time in the bathroom. An hour or more? Ugh. But I never saw him take the butter before. I was very confused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where did all our butter go? I hardly used any this week and it's all gone. He pretended to not know and said maybe we just forgot to buy it. I said no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had four sticks before, now they're gone. He just acted like it was a mystery and said, guess we should order some more groceries. By now I was getting very confused, so I ordered groceries and made a point of saying


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, one day I saw him do it again. He took a stick of butter into the bathroom, was gone for an hour or so and came back with no butter. I couldn't believe it. So when I made dinner, I acted shocked that one stick of butter was gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know he has been taking butter into the bathroom. He got all flustered and said I must be mistaken. I said I had literally seen him take butter into the bathroom and come out without it and I knew he has been lying to me about the quantity of butter in our fridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He started apologizing and said, let's just not talk about it. But when he saw I was getting mad, he said, what if I ordered my own separate, private butter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, uh, okay, but what are you doing with the butter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, first of all, I think this is like, one thing is a little bit of a test, just to see how dirty you really are. You know, because some of the comments in this thread were very, like, very much like they went, they had some really messed up ideas on what he was possibly doing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, I, I don't know what, like, obviously, um, these things, these things get out of control, don't they? You know, people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I feel like you shouldn't necessarily, if you're into something weird, just fucking go ahead and share that shit with your partner. Like, what's the worst that can happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is, but I think the modern equivalent is probably like, I dunno, like Tinder date reports almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is very common, like, I think, like, people seeing people's, like, stories of, of this sort of stuff. And I don't know, like, it's like amateur porn though, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? People want to hear the real gritties. I don't think they do. They want to hear people sad and depressing. I don't think many people are getting off over these really grimy... I don't think they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I remember having to, I don't know, having to crap in a, in a wood or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon he's meeting these people online and meeting them in bars. I don't think he's going to, I don't think he's actually going to bars picking up wives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe she's the one who's leading it. Maybe he's not physically able. Like there's lots of little things that could, lots of reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a link to like that rubbery balloony fetish and stuff and latex and all these things?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm just thinking, you know, I, I just, I don't mind, you know, if you want, if you want to use butter or, or maybe, maybe you should just use butter that is less, um, harmful to the world, you know, maybe cause, cause butter, you know, uses quite a lot of water. Um, like probably more than a shower, I would say. So your problem with the butter thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're right. That, yeah. Also, you can't make a proper pie without proper butter as well. It just doesn't get the firm consistency that you need. This is the problem. Yeah. This is otherwise you get a little crumb. This is it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just, I'm going into this too deeply, but, but I'm just imagining, you know, that they turn around a business, you know, there's the load of guys outside who are waiting to come in and do the things with the butter and all the other stuff. And you know, do you know what? They need the big thick bean lady to do the hand jobs because she's got like big beefy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what we should be doing. We should be running the brothel like a proper industry. She could do like 50 hand jobs an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that I can, I can understand that. I can, I can appreciate it. I think that we're the same. You know, we get into something and we're really interested in it as humans. Like that's the thing we do. You know, we want to learn and be educated and get passionate about things. We want to find things to get passionate about. And if that guy's passion is had jobs, he's just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but that's part of the joy of variety of, of the spice of life, you know, becoming, you know, finding, he's always waking up and it's Christmas morning, you know, he's like bam, we'll go kayaking today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think when you're talking about experiences that are designed for a single player, like reading a book, then it's not unusual to do them on your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that when you're talking about something like, I don't know, going to play a football match and then like, you know, you need to bring a five aside team to that or whatever, turning up on your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that. That kind of alone together. I mean, that's the very much the wow kind of idea that you're playing a single player experience with other people. And it's also the best board games too. Those German designed board games where you sit around a table with friends and have very minimal interaction. No fighting at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Occasionally one of you will be like, oh, has anyone got any, uh, oh, you've, you've gone there have you? Okay, I'll do this then. It's like, you know, Jeremy is like, chill, chill as fuck. And I think, I think that is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You maintained that attitude. Okay, carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just really fun. You can like cook, you can put like some, you can make someone mess up the puffer fish cooking of their sushi and poison them with food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but there's a bunch of these games that were console exclusive, you see Death Stranding is one of them, but also Detroit being human, control, stuff like this, like stuff that was good last year that ended up coming out now on PC, either Epic exclusive or Death Stranding on Steam, but no Death Stranding


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I reckon, there's loads of really good games I can recommend to you actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you for listening to the trifles podcast this week. We'll see you guys next week with more drivel chat. I hope you enjoy your show. Hopefully we don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I view it straight up the nose. Yeah. Straight up the nose. Fuck. Oh, it gets it straight into the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can join the gang then, that was the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should get one of those hair nets, you know, like the ones that people wear uhm, when they're preparing food and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I think honestly what it boils down to is a lot of middle management is just terrible. Like they can't justify.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What they're doing, they can't manage people properly and the only time they feel like they're managing people properly is when they're just like micromanaging them when they're sitting like right next to them or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when I was working, it was the same thing. Like we was always like, can I work from home, please? I hate going to office. I was always asking to work from home or looking for some excuse to work from home. And there's always so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like impossible for them to like measure your productivity because like they wanted to make sure that you were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing stupid stuff, like not taking any longer than one hour exactly for your lunch and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like that's the measure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly how things were before though, because a lot of things depended on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly how things were before, right? Like there's so much that goes into it. Like people, a lot of companies need people to be out of their houses. I'm sure we talked about this as well, but like, they need people driving so they buy gas. They need people out so they buy lunch. They need people bored at lunchtime so they go shopping. Like there's so many businesses that depend on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The difference with this though is that the change is being forced by like an external thing, right? Like a virus that nobody has any control over. Of course change is inevitable, but the only change we tend to see is change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sort of threatens a new normal or whatever. And everybody's like, nah, fuck that. Like that's not the new normal. Like we're going back to the normal normal so that we can then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, you know, spin this and make money. Like some people are obviously, but you know what I mean? Like in, in a general sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a newer neighborhood. It was built in the eighties. So like, you know, it's very sort of like, um, organized and like laid out perfectly so that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're commuting home on that 6 lane motorway, there's plenty of places to stop off and buy groceries and fill up your car and stuff like that. So it's all shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sort of like modern, modern suburban and urban planning sort of stuff, you know, like you don't, you don't get that so much in Europe because a lot of the roads are really old, right? So like the way that cities are designed, town centers and stuff are designed are really different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got this big like six, eight lane road and then on the side, all you see forever are these like lagoon outdoor parking lots and these like outdoor strip malls, you know, like they'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll be like the token KFC or something or like a subway building like in the middle of the parking lot somehow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's so, it's so few and far between. It's impossible to get a decent spot. You know, like you have to, you have to park like at, you know, a multi-story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's very rare that you'll have really convenient access to like a building, especially like in, in like a city center, right? It's like, it's really built up high streets are usually pedestrianized and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, especially out in the suburbs, man, you can be like, the parking is insane. Like there's just like a little store that could fit like five people will have hundreds of parking spaces like allocated to it. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But all the cities in North America are really built up around, um, cars, you know, like there's, there's definitely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, even, even over here, like, uh, Jersey's not really a good example because it's such a small place, but like most, most roads you can sort of walk along, you know, but like you get to America and Canada and like, you know, highways and stuff. No, nobody's walking along a highway. Like you can't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like across, it's like across the road, but that road is just completely inaccessible to pedestrians. Like it'd be impossible to cross. There's no lights or anything cause people, you know, it's, it's, it's meant for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, through, through traffic or whatever. Uhm, and like, and there's no way you're walking underneath a highway because it's scary and gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like, it was like greasy sort of paper, wasn't it? It was like waxy, kind of waxy paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On this topic, my son is an avid reader of the Beano, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, they were doing a competition where you could win a, uh, Lionel Messi goal and like a ball and stuff like that. So he filled out the form and it's like a football knowledge. Yeah. It's like, no, it's like a little goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he filled out the form and sent it in. And then a couple of weeks later, this fucking, this thing just turns up in the mail with like a, like a certificate saying congratulations, you won the competition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he loves it. We got him like, last Christmas we got him like this like, you know, 80th anniversary edition of the very first Beano comic, like they re-printed some of them and stuff and we put it in his stocking for Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they have to print on a certain day and before that, everybody's just losing their mind. Like, they DAREY DO THE COMIC, OH GOD. Like, they just have to pull it all together. They can't do it, so they probably just end up submitting a bunch of unfinished comics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went through like a phase with Private Eye where I read it a lot for like a couple of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming back to magazines, I used to have a subscription to the New Yorker magazine, which I really enjoyed. I don't know if you guys have ever read that before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that was what parts of it, some of it is, yeaah, but sometimes they had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember this one edition that came out and it was like all short stories and holy shit, it was fucking awesome. Like I never appreciated short stories until I read every short story in there and then I was just like obsessed with short stories for a while. Like I just would seek out all these short stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting articles, like I remember reading this article about, um, these guys who lived in Brooklyn who had like a beer company, but they grew like all the ingredients on the roof of their building and stuff. And I was, it is all right. Like it was, it was, it was pretty interesting. I kind of liked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is a while back. I think this was like before Reddit, like, but yeah, it was very much, you know, it just like every once in a while there was like some interesting articles or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reddit is the ultimate sort of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At all. It's such a small, small, small, small, really insignificant portion of the general population. But it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it's the everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So some of the negative feedback is not at all useful, but then some of the positive feedback is not at all useful either. You know what I mean? Like it's one of those things you sometimes you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if, say you make a TV show and then you asked on Twitter or Reddit or whatever, you know, what's your, what's your opinion? Like just to try to get like a general sense or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so off, like you can never get anything like good from that, right? Cause some people will say they like it, uhm, even if they don't like it, you know what I mean? Like just because whatever it's, it's you or something. And then sometimes the, the, the negative criticism is so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weirdly specific and not at all relevant or whatever, you know what I mean? Like it's just, I don't know why anybody would bother to ask on social media for an opinion on anything. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know a bit about the subject, enough to have an opinion on it, right? Even if somebody asked me, what do you think of this? If generally I liked it, I would just say, yea I like it. Whatever. You know, like, I would never go specifically into


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, points or like if I'm streaming and I'm playing a game and I played a game for like hundreds of hours and there's a couple of things about it that I don't agree with or I think are broken or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll mention, but that's like a really invested thing, right? I've played this for like 200 hours in front of a bunch of people and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You say, like I might say, ah, this is kind of broken or this doesn't work or whatever. And then people in the chat are like, oh yeah, that doesn't really make sense. It's kind of broken or whatever. Um, and then that's, that's just sort of like your opinion on it. But if somebody's on Twitter, like, what do you think of the new Marvel movie? And I saw it and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a big difference, right? Like, if your criticism is like of a, of a technical nature, and what I mean by that is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, maybe like the, the effects aren't like up to, up to scratch. The acting's not very good. Maybe the dialogue's not written very well. Maybe there's parts of the story that just aren't written very well or it doesn't like, you know, fuse together well into like the, the arc or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then yeah, okay, sure. Criticism, like I can agree with that kind of stuff, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not for you to change, right? Like it's, you're either in the mood to see a movie like that or like there's so many factors to it, right? You're in a good mood. You're gonna like the movie. You're in a, you're, you're in the mood to watch a movie on that specific genre or topic because you're into that sort of thing at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well actually uhm, I did sort of state to myself in my mind and nobody else that I had some talking points that I wanted you to cover. It needed to be a certain length and there were some other technicalities that you missed out on, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like that, I'm like that on a plane. I can't watch a movie on a plane. I'm constantly distracted and I just can't like immerse myself into a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't happen on a plane. I want it too desperately because I want the flight to be over at any given time in the flight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it just never, I'm always like distracted. Like there's a little bump or something. I'm like, oh fuck, what's that? You're like, I gotta stop everything I'm doing and really think about that for 10 minutes. What was that bump? What was that noise? I think something really good could just suck you in though, right? Like almost like put you on autopilot. My brain's just not ready to be sucked in by anything like on a plane for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I've got a couple of games here that I'm waiting to come out and what I've noticed, Flax, is that they do this thing, they do like this prologue thing, right? When the game isn't ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can play like barn finders, for example, did it did this recently. I know you didn't like barn finders. I didn't really like it. That was so bad. It was pretty bad. But so before the game came out, maybe a month before it came out, they did barn finders, the prologue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, you could play like 15 minutes of the game, you know, it was like basically some of like the opening cut scenes, the tutorial, and then you had like, you know, five minutes to play. I think that's a good idea. It's kind of a good idea, but it's such a, I don't know. It's like, I just want the whole game, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The top of new and trending on Steam for me right now is Kandagawa Jet Girls, which looks like it has everything


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't know why, like this stuff, well no, new and trending isn't like, um, curated for you though, is it? It's like, it's your queue, like the, you browse your queue thing, which I've had a couple of stinkers come up in my queue, on stream before as well, like this game called Perfect Lover. Cause I've got the, I got the filter off, so it shows the adult games and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what if it's, um, what if it's like, uh, a game like, um, uh, like, I don't know, like not, I'm not saying like a game by rockstar, but you know, what if it's like something like hotline Miami or whatever, like something that's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but what if it did accidentally come under one of those filters and then you missed it? It wouldn't. That's what I'm- It wouldn't. Alright, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh baby. Oh man, it is so good. Me and Six have been playing that. Hey, I played against, uh, I played against Krendor last night, Flax. Oh yeaah. We did a best of three. Man, my opening game was such a stinker. Fuck. I like dunked it in the water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find it super frustrating. Do you know what it is? Speaking of Reddit, I was reading this thread on Reddit yesterday about me getting angry at golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when I did lots of YouTube stuff, I never really played any competitive games. Most of the games I played were single player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, story, like, adventure-y kind of games that weren't frustrating. Or, like, management games, where you build stuff or whatever. I, like, I, I still play a lot of those games, but I find, more so now,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially with, through streaming because some of these games are great. Like PGA, like the whole career thing is really fun. And I feel like, I feel like for streaming, that's something that's like not too bad to watch. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's, the difficulty settings for your swinging and stuff like that is separate to the difficulty settings of the course, right? So people see the difficulty setting on the course and they're like, he's fucking playing on easy, he's so fucking idiot. It's like, no, no, I'm not. Like my,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The actual swing timing and everything, I'm not playing on easiest and that's the hard part of the game. The courses vary from like easiest to hard or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it doesn't matter because like as long as you're getting your swings timed properly, you're, you're landing the ball like where it needs to and stuff like that, that it's irrelevant, but like it's such a big sticking point for Twitch chat, like the difficulty that you're playing at and how,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found it hard to get into that too. And the thing is, okay, I know people listening to this right now are- Love Elite Dangerous. Yeah, absolutely. Jumping out of their seat, getting ready to scream at us and stuff, okay? I don't hate Elite Dangerous for the record. Not at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like all that stuff, but I find with Elite, you just have to be, you have to be in the mood to really invest in something for the long haul. It's not, it's not, it's not a game that is enjoyable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked, uh, freelancer. I thought freelancer did a good job of not being, uh, overly sort of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think it's, I think it's great. I just don't think it's for me. You know what I mean? And some people really struggle with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just think that you should love their favorite game or whatever and I, I appreciate that it's, it's probably great, but I just can't get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No yeaah. It looks like shit. You get that all the time. It just sounds like, and it's some game that is nothing like what you've described. You get that a lot as well. The latest one that chat tried to get me on is, I really enjoyed playing Hitman 2. A lot. And I was like, fuck I could really go for another game that's like Hitman 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then every game that they've ever wanted me to play in the past that I've always like poo-pooed and said, no, I'm not playing it. Now they've started saying, it's just like Hitman, you'll love it. It's like some fucking card game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought it was going to be dumb. I just thought, you know what? And I even tried it at one point and thought, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After people going on and on and on about it, I thought, oh fuck, you know, it's probably pretty good. This big triple A game or whatever. And, uh, I played the free version. I was like, I just don't get it. Like, I don't understand why people love this so much. But then when I really got into it, I was like, fuck, it just clicked. I was like, oh my God, I can see why people love this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder how much these games that come out change. Like, okay, look, I'm, I'm on Steam right now. Let me go to the front page here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'm looking at this game right now called Iratis Lord of the Dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks terrible, okay? This is me, okay? I come to Steam, I see a picture of a game where there's some dude with like some fucking tribal markings tattooed to him and he looks, he's got red eyes and long,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's six people, uh, from my friends list that own this game. One person has it wishlisted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what I was thinking about before though. I wonder like what the sort of concept of this game was like before they added all this stuff. Cause I feel like you have the core of a game where it's like I have an idea for a game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that idea for a game doesn't include all of the like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need somebody who's enlightened. You need somebody who's young, attractive, and just has a great idea. You know, like Bill Gates with Windows 95. That was a great idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so my idea, Dudes in Alaska is a great idea as well. And I'm young and attractive and enlightened and I feel like I could design the shit out of this game. All I need is people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, don't get me wrong, it's gonna generate a billion dollars, but it's not gonna cost a billion dollars to produce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, just a couple of million dollars and then we're on our way. We're gonna make the best


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking video game that you see, Lewis is already putting in his bank details to transfer the money over. He's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, beavers and the landscapes, they generate benefit both people and life and wildlife because they help to reduce downstream flooding. The channels, dams and wetland habitats that beavers create hold back water and release it more slowly after heavy rain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They increase water retention, they clean water. Wow. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beaver's in Britain. The Eurasian beaver, Castor fiber, is a large herbivore. A mammal that was formerly native to these shores and once played an important partner landscape for prehistoric times until it was hunted to extinction in the 16th century for its fur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Meat and scent glands. Oh my god. What do you do with a beaver scent gland exactly? Rub it on yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're kind of cute, aren't they beavers? I'm just looking at one right now. They are very, very big rodents, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They look really cute. This one's got a bunch of nipples, uh, looks like. Can you stop talking about beavers and nipples? It's too early. They're big nipples though, I bet you. I like nipples and I like beavers, what can I say? You can probably draw a lot of milk from those bad boys, like they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, none, none of those milks. Why do I have to drink?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on though guys, think about it. How are you gonna get through the rest of your life knowing that you've drunk milk from the teat of a foreign animal that you have no business drinking from the teat of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in that case, I don't give a fuck. Just give me the milk and give me the money and we're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want anything to do with cockroaches or any byproducts of cockroaches. Me and cockroaches are separate forever, for eternity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to be anywhere near them. I don't want them anywhere near me and I don't want any of their products and I don't want them to touch any of my products. We're, we're, we're separate. There's enough room on this earth for both of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather, would you rather, uh, French kiss, uh, Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer? Which, which, which one is better for you to French kiss?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wouldn't, there's no choice there. I would just say, just kill me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a second season. Yeah, it's pretty good. But the psychologist, uh, the psychologist starts to slowly break down, you know, the one that's, um, seeing the, um, the brother-in-law and, and was seeing Ricky Gervais as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breakdown, like he's, you know, questioning whether he wants to be a psychologist anymore and sort of does like a reversal on them, you know, like Ricky Gervais character leaves altogether. He's just like, he has enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then the, uhm, the, the brother-in-law continues to see him and he just gets worse and worse and worse and he starts telling these two friends, Ratty and the nonce, and, and their sexual exploits off the back of going to the pub and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you're describing is, sounds a little bit like that without all of the fucking toilet stall blowjobs and fucking everything else that they describe. It's really funny though. You gotta check out season two's really good actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought all of his shows would be like The Office because I'd never really bothered to watch anything. I just thought, oh, I bet you it's just always the same. It's always awkward. It's always like whatever. And if you're up for that, cool. If not, whatever. Like I never really sought his other stuff out. But now that I've watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got like a newfound appreciation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the sixth, is that about the sixth EE?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Red Rising felt like it was, uh, kinda like a, like a teen, a teen novel, but it was, it was very good at the same time, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the line though, like, where's the, where's the, the line, like, uh, like the clear line between sort of teen or young adult fiction and then, um, full adult?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a claim that persists on this podcast, but is always denied by one member of this podcast, like an animal, snarling and frothing at the mouth every time we bring it up, but I think you're right, I think it was originally marketed for children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were talking, we were talking about names yesterday because I was making, it's not even a joke, it's not even funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think of some names that you think are, okay, sorry, back to what I was saying. Uh, when I get salty in video games, uh, particularly if I'm playing sort of like midday, like around lunchtime,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I blame the French. I always just say, it's gotta be French kids that are spoiling my good games here. Competitive games, Tarkov, whatever. I always figure like, oh yeah, they're done school for the day and now they're sweating it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My chat have picked up on this now and every time I die or whatever, they're like, oh, it's probably some drunk French kid killing you or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just goes on and on and on and then people come to the stream, they're like, why is this guy being so racist towards French people? I'm not actually, I don't hate French people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like Hunter or Chip or Buddy or Llewellyn, uh, you know, like, like those really American names that you wouldn't find anywhere else, you know, like you wouldn't, yeah. And then we were talking about English names, you know, like Nigel and Neville, um, and like Bartholomew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's just interesting, isn't it? As global as we're becoming, there's still very, you know what I mean? Like uhm, like in India, there's definitely names, Indian names that you wouldn't get really outside of India unless,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the person like left India, moved somewhere else and kept his name, sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, funnily enough though, we did a lot of work when I used to work at the bank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bomb names and villains are great, aren't they? Cause they're just so, they're not like at all exciting. It's just like something stupid, like the man with gardening gloves or, you know, it's just like, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, about China and names. When I was working at HSBC we had a lot of our stuff was physically located in Hong Kong and therefore was supported by a team in Hong Kong, a really big team in Hong Kong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in the middle of the night, sometimes at like four in the morning or whatever, you'd get a call from Hong Kong to say that like, you know, a batch job had failed or something went wrong, whatever. We lost a load of money. We can't find it. Well, no, but you just, these are things that you had to deal with you. So I'd have to wake up and I'd have to look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the point I'm getting at is they gave themselves Christian names, um, because for some reason they decided that this would make it easier for us to, us who were not in China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was always, I was always perplexed by the whole thing. I just thought, I'm more than happy to call somebody by their actual name. They don't need to like dress it up or whatever. It's just, it was just such a weird thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember going through like code that I'd have to debug like old source code where people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the person who would write the code in the first place, there was always a space at the top for you to put your name, what project you're working on, some sort of reference or whatever. And it was the same there too. And this goes back to, this went back like to the seventies when a lot of this stuff was written. Cause it's on like an old mainframe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there'd be just like guys called like, you know, Wendy Liu and like Johnny Wang and stuff like that. Like they would, they would use these Christian names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's, you know, like sometimes they would put like in, in brackets their, their full actual name, but they would still use these sort of like Christian prefixes or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mean these are names that have gone out of fashion sort of thing? Yes. Bertram? We had this discussion yesterday as well because now a lot of new babies are being called like city names or like they're being called like Khaleesi and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think there's a lot to be said for like shows, popular media and stuff to influence like names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, god, good luck to them, cause that's not a good setup for your future, is it? Like, if that's your name. I mean, it's an anagram for piss, so it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a couple of good ones here for you. Uhm, some ideas. What gender of baby are you thinking of having, Louis?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obsession, that's a name for a sacrifice. What about us? What, what about the name sacrifice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lego. Lego. Leggy. Lass. Lassie. What about Mace? What about calling your kid Mace? Mace. Madison. Maitland. Madison is another one, right? Madison is like, uh, like an American girl's name. Madison. Yeah, you hear a lot. I know quite a few.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Newman. Nelson. Newman. Parker. Packard. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Raleigh and Parker are definitely dog's names. You don't see many Ralphs or Ramses around anymore either, do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you guys think about this whole, um, you know, push to get people to use money digitally, like, you know, cards, like contact lists and stuff like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think phasing out cash is uh, is not, is not a great thing. I think it'll be a shame. Why? It's finally phased out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, because there's like a lot of little things about paying with cash, right? Like privacy is one of them. You're paying with a card, like people, somebody somewhere knows where you've been, what you've bought, what you're doing, you know what I mean? Like at least with cash, you can remain a bit private.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely some interaction that takes place that we need, we need to have some interaction with other people and I think exchanging money


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The banks aren't like, I mean, they're a fairly sure thing, but in a pinch, without cash, you have no way of having money or owning money that's like out of the banking system, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That and if you needed it or if it was worth something, you had the option, whereas everything being digital, you're completely just saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just gonna give everything to this company that, uh, is just gonna do whatever it likes as they've proven, uh, time and time again in the past, like, uh, with all their dealings and stuff like that. I don't know, I think it's a lot to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying all the money. I'm saying what if you had like 500 quid stored in a shoebox under your bed just in case sort of thing. You can't do that, right? If like we can completely eliminate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well look at when, uh, look at all the Northern Rock stuff when that was, when that happened. People lost a ton of money. Like, there was people that had money, uhm, above the amount that they would, uh, guarantee back for you, that would, it just disappeared. Like, overnight. You know? Like, life savings and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the same time, you know, like a lot of these banks are, are, are just companies just doing, you know, like they're regulated and stuff, sure, but ultimately,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're, they're just as, they're just as likely to screw up or, or fail as anything else, right? And when you think like how much you depend on storing money in there and maybe not all of it is even covered, it's, it's, sometimes it's a little bit worrying, isn't it? You know, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but again, again though, another worrying aspect of that, like the coronavirus is a good example. When you think of like the distribution, the logistics of goods and stuff, I mean, you're, you're,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like Amazon, Walmart, all of these big companies that were able to dispatch things to you that you ordered from your house, sort of thing, were like a lifeline for a lot of people, right? Like you wouldn't have been able to get around it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, these are, these are private companies that could just do whatever the fuck they want. You know, like it's not, it's not like the government had much to do with that or, or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, so, so what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's one of those things that I think the common perception is that they are these, you know, like, like if you never thought about a bank and you just, your wages went in there and you drew money out when you needed it or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would just, you would just assume that it's really safe, uh, everything's covered, nothing could ever go wrong or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if more people just thought about some of this stuff a bit more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would have a different take on things, things wouldn't be done so uh, fluidly and easily like by banks and by governments and stuff, right? Like I think, I think a lot of people just don't think about a lot of things and so a lot of, a lot of things just sort of like slip through the cracks, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll just call it something different. Let's just call it like, uh, a cappella, um, three, three, three men, one a cappella, uh, three guys, three guys, one, one, but we don't have to call it barbershop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Joseph R. Biden Jr. currently has 253 votes to Donald J. Trump's 214 votes. We're still waiting for Nevada, Arizona, uh, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Georgia. And it's close in all of those places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well no, it hasn't actually been declared. It's been declared by, uhm, by the Associated Press.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is with, with, with so few, um, things left, right? But I think today we'll find out, I think we'll find out in Nevada and Arizona at least today and maybe


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Uhm, I did a stream yesterday. Uhm, I did a couple of streams yesterday. Why, I do a couple of streams every day to be fair. But, yea, yesterday I played some games. I played some games with HatFilms and stuff. Just a normal day. It was pretty fun. Uhm, they had to finish up early and then I just didn't really feel like doing anything. And I was just about to log off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I have not been following the election. I haven't really been following American politics or anything, uh, up until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically like the day of the election, just out of curiosity, I just wanted to see, you know, what, what the future held for them sort of thing. It's a big day and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and so I, I did a, uh, I did a stream where I, I, I like learned about American politics or tried to catch up a little bit and, uh, and, and, you know, figure out how the process works and, and everything. Cause I'm not like overly familiar with it. I've never paid too much attention to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and uh, it was good fun. Actually it was, I, I enjoyed it. People were surprisingly helpful and not too, uhm, there wasn't too many people screaming in chat about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't saying anything like that, but it was just funny. There was lots of funny videos that had come out in the past couple of days. I don't know if you guys saw the little little pump, uh, when Trump called him little pimp and stuff. That was pretty funny at one of his rallies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His son did that speech and handed the mic over and Trump just looked like, you know, gave him an angry, sort of disappointed look. There's nothing to it, I don't think, but it's just funny. You know what I mean? I just think, I think from my perspective, I'm kind of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really, I don't have like a strong opinion either way, but I think I'd rather Trump not win because I'm sick of hearing about him. As somebody who doesn't live in America or follow American politics, he's just too, he's too prominent in the news because he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but people will lose interest after a while if he's not in charge, yeaah. And I think that like somebody like Biden will be a bit like Obama in that he'll be boring enough for people to not really bother with him too much while he's working, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of course, of course. And it's, it's not, it's not overly relevant to us. You know, it doesn't really affect us that, that much, but we hear so much about it because it is very sensational at times, isn't it? Like the things that he says and like he has these rallies and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? There's always some goof or gaff or some, some controversy or something. And like, I just, I'm, I'm just done. I just like, I'd be happy enough not to hear about it anymore. You know what I mean? So like that's, that's, that's what I'm hoping for. I don't really, I don't have like a dog in the fight, but I just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would rather not hear about it in future. So, so hopefully the most boring guy wins is what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I feel like there's so much poised against you in that sense though. Like I was watching, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't, I never watch 24 hour news, but I flipped over to watch, uhm, I put on the BBC 24 news channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, during, like, during, like, what, like, on the day of the election because I just, you know, I, it was just, it was relevant and I, I hadn't, like, had, like, that much, sort of, like, live information from it, so I thought, I'll just check out and see what's going on, sort of thing. Uhm, anyway, you know, it was fine, it was the usual, just time-filling, like, they were interviewing these, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does a lot of, uh, like, uh, political sort of commentary and stuff. So he had a really big stream, you know, the election and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there was like 250,000 people watching him at one point and it was pretty nuts actually. Uhm, and you know, he was flipping between tweets and, uh, and sort of like live, live, uh, conferences like across CNN or Fox or whatever, like all the American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Networks and stuff. And one thing I noticed that was like a little bit weird that I'd never really noticed before was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they kept showing these, these graphics of like, uh, of percentages, right? So you'd have like a picture of Biden with like a blue bar that had like, you know, 49% or something. And then you'd have a picture of Trump with a red bar that had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50% or 51% or something. So you, so at a glance, if you weren't really paying attention, you'd look at that and you'd think, holy crap, Trump's, Trump's winning, right? Like why else would they show a bar with a percentage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then if you actually listen to what they're talking about, those bars are related to what they're talking about and what they're talking about is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ridiculous. It's just, it's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. It's like, we took a poll to see how many times, uh, Joe Biden's mailman delivered mail to him while it was raining on a full moon. And we found that this happened 49% of the time as opposed to Trump where we took the same data.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it was happening to him 51% of the time. Interesting stats. I'm sure you'll agree. And you know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. And the whole thing serves to just make you more anxious. It builds up more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely some cultural differences, I think, in that it seems a lot less sensationalized. Like, I don't know, maybe I'm just watching the wrong channels during a UK election or whatever, but like the whole thing just seems to be