[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just before we go quickly, I just want to say I went to pick up my kids from school the other day and the weather was glorious and I was wearing my shorts as usual and one of the teachers commented and said, Oh God, you're a genius. What a great day to wear your shorts. I was like, Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you guys are still locked down and stuff, so you haven't been out to places, but here it's easing and we've been out to places, like we've eaten in a cafe recently because they're open again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We took the kids to like, uh, like this indoor sports activity thing, uh, because that's open again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one thing that I've noticed about all these places being open again, like everybody's, uh, you know, understandably, you know, worried about COVID and stuff like that, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the businesses that are opening, uhm, the, the guidelines are very strict about how they can open, what they can do, and they have to follow it, right? Because if somebody comes by and finds that they're not, then they could get in a lot of trouble. They could get fined or closed down or whatever. So you have all these people working,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I-I-I hope that like, off the back of this, that some of this stuff comes through. Like, I wanna see people wiping stuff down a lot more and cleaning the toilets a lot more and stuff, because what the fuck else are they doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was also very surprised at the, the, it's a newer place, this, the place that we went to and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The toilets there are instead of like, you know, like a, a big open men's bathroom and a big open women's bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just all separate toilets. Like there wasn't even a sign to say like who could use them or whatever. It was just like, there was like 10 of them and they were all separate. They all had their own door and stuff. You'd go in, lock it and stuff. That's gotta be the way forward, right? Like there's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that has to be the new setup from now on. You know, like there needs to be like a thing where, you know, if a place opens, they just have to have toilets like that. I don't like being near other people. Me neither. I don't want to be standing next to another dude with his dick out pissing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that this is like, you know, you hear this and you think, holy crap, how has he done this? And then you, if you like sort of read between the lines, it's like, yeah, I've only been doing it for like a day, but this is the new me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But man, it's too, just too far. Like, I can't, I can't think of any reasonable way for me to get there that I would enjoy. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes I think, ah, I could go like on a cruise in a, nah. I, I not do it. I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna cruise all the way. I don't wanna do it. If I'm cruising anywhere, I'm going to like the Bahamas, baby. Like I, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hadn't considered that, that side of it, but honestly, this, it's, this sounds, I'm gonna say all that aside that this is true. This is real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never get the hair wash and shampoo at the barbers. They just bust out the scissors and they start cutting. And it takes them not much time because I just don't have much hair left, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you go to Tony and Guy once on a Monday and that was part of your new, the new you? On a Monday I only go to Tony and Guy and I drink only carrot juice. But I've only done it for one Monday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think they've been studied. You know, I think they already know quite a bit about lizards, but I guess maybe they just think that this little guy is gonna, you know, just sort of like fill in some of the gaps maybe where we're missing some knowledge. I think this is true. It's too boring, like, to be a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This thing will return no data because, uh, lizards, uh, believe it or not, probably aren't stupid enough to think that a robot lizard is a real lizard. And, uh, cause it won't smell like anything or whatever magic lizards use to like differentiate stuff. It's just going to have, it's going to be empty. Like it maybe has like a little SSD on there. It's going to have nothing on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's just gonna be empty all the time. Yeah. Right. No data. I just wanna say I've gotten them all right so far. I told you I was good at this. Yeah, you were very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, she, she's pretty hardcore, like, you know, she just, the minute there was like a sniff of drama, she's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, they should just rebrand to Deck. Honestly, I don't know how Ant has made it back after all the shit that he did. It's crazy. Like, where's cancel culture when it came to Ant, who is fucking drink driving and almost killing people? You know what I mean? Maybe that's a hot take, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you believe that I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is still going? Like, man, ITV know how to fucking beat a dead horse, it's crazy. They are the kings. They are the kings out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting, isn't it? When you consider that that is in the papers in the first place and yeah, how did it get there? But then it makes you think, what the fuck else are they putting in the paper?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, Shane strikes me, if you ever needed a face to put to the term tone deaf, like, you know, when somebody says something and you immediately think, Shane's face is the one for me. I would think of it every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just, I'm just deflecting because I know that I am pretty tone deaf, but I, you know, I want somebody else to be more tone deaf, so I'm- He's very tone deaf. I'm exaggerating it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The World of Warcraft April Fool's that one year where it was like, was it Pandaren Pizza or something? Where people thought that they would be able to order pizza like through the game while they were raiding or something like that. And back then, obviously nothing like that really existed, so people were like kind of excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was something that could happen, but uhm, yeah, now it's like, well, it has happened, I guess, in a lot of ways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're Romanian? It's, uhm, it's a Romanian, all, it's Romanian manufacturing, it's a, it's a, it's a Renault company, uhm, but it's like a, like a, like it's like a budget company. It's got Renault engines and everything else is like, uh, is like meant to be budget but scalable sort of thing. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got the, they got the duster, they got the, uh, Sandero, they got the, uhm, they got a whole bunch of different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay yeaah, but what if she did some healing, but then like entered a CSGO tournament and got like 5 360 no scope headshots like back to back, then that's the modern day equivalent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Justin Bieber announced that he was pregnant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like, uh, there's like, like, like pranks and jokes and stuff like that have been sort of like all year round popularized on YouTube and shit like that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not coming. The only time I ever honk my horn is as a joke. If my kids aren't paying attention, like they're in the living room and I'm just leaving the house and I can see them, I'll honk the horn just to like get like a little bit of like a whoo, you know, like they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'd have a field day over here, like the culture over here for driving is like you flash your lights at everyone. Even if, like no matter what, it's just like, it's like cars saying hello to each other over here. It's just the done thing, like it's lots of light flashing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not what polar explorers do. This is why Scott of the Antarctic died. Because he thought like you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know Sir Ranulf Fiennes, the explorer, who, as far as I can tell...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you call this lake? And the guy's like, oh, uh, we call that one. And he's like, cause it's called Lake Victoria now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, didn't the French have a different name for the channel? They call it something else, right? Yeah, they call it the squeeze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. So when they were doing that, at one point I think they had to get their GPS thing out and they couldn't work it with their gloves on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he had to take a glove off just for a tiny bit to get this thing working and then put his glove back on and in that short time he got frostbite and lost- that's why his hands are all fucked up from that. Like he's got stumpy little ends of fingers because he lost more to frostbite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, as we're talking about exploration and how, let's be honest, just saying I was the first one to do it on foot, I mean, is that worth losing your fingers for? And if so, what motivates someone to the point where, for the rest of their life, they're gonna essentially have a disability that they only have because they did this stupid going out there thing? I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just feels like, yeaah, because the spirit of those explorers that wanted to go out and do that stuff is obviously, it's a human spirit. It's alive in people. But when there's nothing left to explore on Earth,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sad thing is that that kind of stuff would be the, the last bulletin on the news. And it would only be the regional news. So it would be like, and now on, uh, Anglia tonight, uh, you know, here we, uh, Randall Fiennes managed to, uh, take poo at the bottom of a hill that had not been put down before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were no- no pictures, either. No, exactly. Like it was all just... They have located some moon lamps!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw it, it was on a, he was on a breakfast, like one of the breakfast Good Morning Britain things, and that was when he told the story about how he had to take his glove off to do the GPS thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I, can we, talking of TV shows and celebrities, I, I, uh, I was skeptical about the TV show Masked Singer when it, uh, when it came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's actually pretty bounce, and it's, it's very funny. And what happens is, they have the celebrities, like 9 or 10 of them or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when you see the unveiling, the fun of it is that you get as the audience you're watching and they give clues about who it might be and they'll talk about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, uh, he was just, the songs he chose to sing and the way he sang was very obviously Lenny Henry. Uhm, but Sue Perkins, uh, of Great British Bake Off fame and, uh, Mel and Sue fame, she, she was great. She could really sing beautifully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so, Kelis, uh, you know, my milkshake and all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. He kinda looks like, um, a budget, um, MacIntyre. He's like budget MacIntyre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not busy, which is quite difficult if they're mega mega popular and famous. But equally they have, this is the other tricky bit, they have to be able to sing, or at least reasonably. They can't just turn up and go, and I will always love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, the weird thing is, like, um, Ross on Friends, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's actually a good actor. He's a good actor. I really do like him. So anyway, we got Sophie Ellis Bexter. She went out in week one. Uhm, then Mel B of the Spice Girls. She went out good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So number four was surprising. Glenn Hoddle was on it. Glenn Hoddle the footballer and former manager, England manager. He was a giant grandfather clock, which was bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he does so much stuff, so much stuff. He's funny, he's very funny. So this'll get you. Viking, that was the costume, Morton Harkett of Arhar, and he sang Take On Me as Viking, like so you didn't know who it was, but people were saying it's Morton Harkett, it's Morton Harkett. But it wasn't a very good version of Take On Me, because he's quite old now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think it's awful that she still feels the need to hide it. She must feel so self-conscious, it's a shame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. So get this, alright, so let's look at the Masked Singer, season by season. I watched some of the reveals. Here are the Season 1 of the Masked Singer. Of America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so these are the people. Antonio Brown, I do know him because I follow the NFL. Okay, so Antonio Brown's a really really really good NFL player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just you wait, just you wait. Rumour Willis, who as far as I can tell is Bruce Willis' daughter. That's pretty much it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joey Fatone, or Joey Fatone? Oh dear. Who was in NSYNC?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is now kind of a chubby bearded American looking lad. Glad it's night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Like, Layla Ali is like, uh, Muhammad Ali's daughter. Dr. Drew Pinsky, who apparently, I guess if you're American, he's well known. Um, Paul Schafer, who was of course in the E Street band and he's Letterman's band leader. Uh, Sherry Shepard, I don't know who she is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, Kelly Osbourne, of course we know, Patti LaBelle, very famous singer. Patti LaBelle, yea. Michelle Williams, who I think was in Destiny's Child. Anna Gastea, who you'd recognise as, she's been in loads of Will, Will Ferrell movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well part of the fun in this, part of the fun in this of not just having singers is that these people can sing. Like you'll hear, like for instance, I didn't know that Sue Perkins could sing. She sings beautifully. Right. But she's really scared of singing publicly, so singing behind the mask she said like meant that she could


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the tight end is like, he's big enough to, to, he's an offensive player, he's not a defensive player, he's an offensive player. He's big enough that he can act as a lineman, but he can also act as a runner or a receiver, so he's like an extra option for the quarterback. He's like a big lad, they're almost always big lads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you, you can use them in a variety of different plays. They're very useful. And a really good tight end can really tie an offense together. Any Americans out there agree with me? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now, now it gets tricky, right? Because then we've got Brett Michaels, the lead singer of Poison. Uhm, and I, I, I recognize the name, but I wouldn't know who he was then. Hunter Hayes? Not heard of him. No. Jackie, Jackie Avancho? I've not heard of her. No. Uh, Barry Zito, a former Major League pitcher. Uh, I, I hadn't heard of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A rapper called Bow Wow. I don't know. Jess McCartney, who I also don't know. And then Candy Burris, which vaguely rings a bell, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But those people are probably famous in America. Sure. They might just have absolutely no sort of presence over here. Yeah, yeah. Much like Patsy Kensett for example. Not Patsy Kensett. Palmer, yeah. Patsy Kensett from East End. Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer. Most British people, especially over 30, know exactly who that is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know dude, this show is huge. Yeaah. Like, it, it, but you know, this show is, is, is very big. I mean, it's amazing that they get this many celebrities really, right? I mean, it's like, it's pretty nuts. Yeaah, but this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So get this, this lineup is really gonna solidify our point, okay, that a lot of these people are people that in the UK we wouldn't know, but then a name will pop up and you think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, I know that name and it's like, it'll be an older name, right? So Buster Rhymes went out week one. Wow. So in week two, Mickey Rourke


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After completing his performance in costume and while being interviewed by the host, he complained about how hot it was in the costume and just took his mask off before the judges could vote on who was gonna go out, thereby eliminating himself from the competition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a fucking idiot! That's Mickey Rourke for ya. Then a guy called Brian Austin Green who was apparently also on 90210.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so Lisa Hartman Black, who I don't recognise that name at all. Clint Black, who was a country western singer, I don't know him. Lonzo Ball, an NBA player, I don't know him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Mr. Judgmental, eh? Well, but, but, at the same time, there's like South American nations like Uruguay that have won the World Cup, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was, I was around on uhm, when the match was happening, I wasn't actually watching it because I was in the recording. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well, it just, no, it felt like, it felt like there was this energy. I see. I've talked about this a lot of times, because I spent, uhm, I went on my French exchange when World Cup 96 was going on. Right. Oh no, France 98, sorry. Not Euro 96. France 98.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does something that gets them like, I don't know, vilified for years for missing a penalty, and that's, that's, you know, whether it's David Beckham like, getting a red card at the World Cup or whatever, you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean? That sounds like the most mad thing to say. Isn't that what every footballer wants to be? No. That's the dream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think it's just that the game has changed though, and you know, the nature of the way that people now defend and play and play?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. We've talked a little bit about this before, didn't we, with the American teams buying up, American investors buying up, like, Wrexham and stuff. Right. Can we talk about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It comes unavoidable at certain times of the year, and you get, it's very easy to get swept up in it, like, cause it's such a strange energy that everyone has.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have, it's been going every two to four years since we were born. Like, I remember when I was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, it is this weird, nice, like, almost like that Christmas morning, like, positive feel, you know, of something familiar that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fun and kind of different and yeah, it's not long enough that you have to, you're right, P-Flex, it's like, it's like, you go through these sort of, this idea of oh, we could win this tournament or whatever. I don't know, when you start thinking about it, like, what is it, you know, you might win a game, who cares, uhm, it doesn't, it's suddenly less


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should just, it's best not to think about it, just go with it. Um, but everyone gets wrapped up in it and it's this strange thing, like energy that permeates people that you wouldn't necessarily think were interested in it. Or people who've actively showed dislike for football before, suddenly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This stuff has been inherently very closely tied to masculinity, right? It does feel...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I go into like, I was in WH Smith the other day in a train station and I was looking at like the new books that are out, right? And there's so many of them which are this, a full face pick of a bearded, good looking guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be uncomfortable reading that on the train. I would, I, me sat there, could you imagine me sat there holding, holding open this book with this sort of, you know, hard, me of all people. That's what it's called or something. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, I don't know. I don't, it feels like a trap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's a lot of them now and they're for derbrates. And I'm just thinking, like, the other things that are for derbrates are like, you know how there was like anti-vax marches? They're for derbrates. There were these guys, two guys, who went on anti-vax march and they saw, uh, Chris Whitty, do you remember the professor, in a park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never had that. People come up to me and be actively yobby though, like, woah, woah, no one's bullied me in the street necessarily is what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else? I think the other thing that's very der-brained is, uhm, the amount of people who turned up to Clarkson's farm's farm shop that he opened, right? Oh, of course. What a money spender. Clarkson opened a farm shop in his farm in the Cotswolds. And of course, there's hundreds of people blocking the road for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 miles, you know, to go to it. And I'm thinking anyone who drives to Clarkson's Farm farm shop, you, my friend, are a derp ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So just, just so you know, just, just you are. Like, it must be just a string of people who don't have a brain. They don't think about what they're doing. Why are you doing that? Don't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a really cool idea. I think, I think more, I mean, I understand why if you're patching like Windows or Microsoft Excel, people should need to know what's changed. But in a game, like, yeah, why not keep it more, um, exciting for fans to find out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I end up reading the patch notes and losing all my excitement by the time, you know, I'm at the end of them. Especially with Dota. God, the patch notes usually takes me like two or three hours to read through the fucking things. Are you guys using the internet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using the internet without a VPN is like taking a call on a public bus on speaker for everyone to hear because they know every single


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so people can't peep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played a couple of games this week that were good. I played Phantom Abyss, have you heard of that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's like a full guys-y, mirrors-edgy running thing where you have to run through like a temple collecting loot, but because it's sort of, the idea is it's asynchronous multiplayer, so when you die, uhm, you couldn't, your ghost is saved and your loot is saved and someone else has to complete that temple that you just failed and you get your stuff back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels good to do it, but there's just not enough content at the moment, I don't think. I played it for a few hours and I felt like there just wasn't enough upgrades or anything interesting to do. It just, yeah. So I think it's got potential, and it looks interesting if you like that. I know Nilesy's put like 80 hours into it or something ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does feel like it could be 10 years out of date on the art style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it starts off quite hard but it gets easy quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They feel super weak at the start because you don't have any armour. But once you get armour they're unkillable, or mostly unkillable, so you can just sit them in the middle of a load of enemies and they do insane


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, you know, when you finally get to the boss wave, you can just one shot the boss with him, you know, because you, you usually move, you dance around. Uh, well, yeah, there's loads of, loads of different stuff to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Wow, well, I mean, they're not- I think you're the only person with this build apparently, cause you can't even get it on the kickstarter that I can see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, that's like, that's like smuggling cocaine. Imagine if that pierced and like how much of a, how much of a caffeine high you'd get from like an infusion of black men. Isn't that a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a, Google, is a caffeine enema safe to have? Caffeine, caffeine enema safe. Okay, well I'm glad I'm ruining my search. Amazon is gonna, my Alexa's gonna ask me when I get home, is like, you have one notification, buy coffee beans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, do you, do you have, do you have like Montreal smoked meat, or like fucking some butter tarts, or like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's that, the northwest, right? That's where Vancouver is. Yea, northwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, apparently, like, literally caused a... it's apparently a phenomenon called a heat dome that traps hot air and doesn't allow other weather systems to move in. A dome? And everything that's... and it's caught... a dome, yeah. It's caused a wildfire. Like, I'm just amazed that this happened in Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must be, it must be ridiculous. Like, it's like, it's not, it doesn't get that hot in the, the, the deserts around sort of, you know, Saudi Arabia and stuff, does it? Like, I mean, I know some places, like Ethiopia, some of the hottest countries on earth are in that sort of equatorial Africa and middle eastern region, right, and they, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Routinely live with very high temperatures, but I think 50 is exceptional, even for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you could go to this furnace creek. There's a thing called the Oasis at Death Valley, which is a luxury resort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We actually have a, a Borax museum at the, um, at the Death Valley. Wowaweewa. It has a museum that features Borax mining tools. Oh, Borax. And, uh, equipment from the Pacific Coast Borax Company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there's some models of 20 mule team wagon trains. Interesting. And some mineral specimens. Very interesting, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, sodium borate. Yes. Correct. It's used, uh, in, like, um, refining, like, materials, like silver, like, um, metals. Right. So it's here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Well, there you go. That's a good podcast. Thank you guys for joining us. You can follow Triforce on Spotify to get new episodes as soon as they come out every Wednesday. Until next week, hope you guys, hope we're still in the football. And, uh, yeah, why not, why not treat yourself to WH Smith? Get yourself a little book. Yeah. With a bearded man on the cover. Why not? Just see what all the fuss is about. Why the hell not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, just engage in some escapism with some hard man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe that's just your chill when you're bringing him up though, maybe the anxiety that you have, you're so serious about your first child that, you know, it's, it's, maybe that rubs off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see you were driving the dad van into it, you know, head first, with like, holding like, nappies in one hand and dummies in the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, like a baby is just the same repeat, like every podcast that goes by is the same old guff. It's just slightly different, you know? So yea, I know you guys have been enjoying it, it's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically the way it works is you've got a little pixel dude who runs around in a circle. So you start off as a little warrior with the sword, but eventually you can unlock other sort of classes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's, so it's definitely taken a lot of things, the things from recent years in terms of idle games, but also kind of auto battling. You know, the fact is that you can't control anything while the battle's going on, but eventually you do unlock


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's quite familiar in a sense, like the, the style of it. If you've played mobile games before, you've played like indie games before, and then as you, you've got to make a couple of choices like, am I going to try and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the music is something else, holy crap. Well, because he's an all-so-battler...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't really have, you kind of have to just judge how confident you feel. And then once you've gone into this boss fight, there's nothing you can do. It's kind of weird to like, you're like, well, go on, we'll go for it. And you just send him off and then you watch for like two minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, there is, in the top left. So a lot of times people, here's a hot tip, hot take, hot tip, sometimes people don't even like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It turns into resources, but also you don't progress the meter forward. Obviously that can make you weaker, but it's one of these games in the same sense as they are billions in that it feels to me like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People have sentences, s-s-s-senses. Sensei. Sensei. Yeaah. Yes, sensei. Yes, sensei.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Filling out forms for it before, but I must, someone must have done on my behalf or I must have done I've forgotten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you don't really have, it's quite forgettable. You don't have to put that much data in. It's like, what do you do where you live and who lives with you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's sort of it. Uhm, which is kind of weird because, you know, you think they could ask for a lot more information, couldn't they? They could ask for like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think about, uh, you know, how much recycling do you do? I dunno, how, how many times do you go to the toilet every day? Like, just, just, they could ask loads of stuff, you know, in the census, get, get, get some proper, you know, wouldn't have taken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably. That's exactly what it is. But it always gets marked down in history. Whenever you see these ancestry shows, you always see them going through the censuses and they're like, oh, we've got a James Barker here living in Hull. Yeah, but there's not another colonist history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like a little bit more info though, maybe not that much, maybe not that specific, but I dunno, I feel like you can't learn a lot about someone from just their, you know, name, job, and who they're with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? It's like, god, it's, it's, it's, it's this, I just feel like maybe they should have put a bit more, more data in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I haven't thought about it until now, but I've just, I just, I just felt like it, cause I had to put religion down obviously, and what came to my mind was, at the time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like such a fear. Everyone's doing it though. Everyone is sexting everyone, left, right, and centre. But the thing is, when you meet someone for the first time and you fall in love with them, you have no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about this before, I think, quite a bit, because we have, like, quite, we're quite confused about it. We don't think it happens, but I can assure you, it's, uh, the stream of self, self, like, pelfies and... Yeah. Sexy sex. Pelfie? Is, yeah, penis selfie. Oh! Some pelfies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got to think, I think a lot of dick picks are just not ter- not well shot. You know, I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, you know, uh, I'm sure the ladies will be able to verify this for me, but I think that a lady 99% of the time doesn't want to see an unsolicited dick, but there is a time


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am sure there is a time when sometimes, uh, a lady would like an artistically well lit, well shot shot of a dangus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the sort of garage, you know, when, when, is it like my mom and dad won't obviously send me anything sexual, but they'll send me a picture of them hanging out on a park bench or whatever, you know, just, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they sent me a wholesome picture of them in a garden. I sent them a wholesome picture. It's the same thing with sexting. If someone sends you a picture of their tits, then you're like, okay, what do I send them back a picture of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's, he's, there's all these girls, it's college, and he's studying, uhm, social studies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't have to, it doesn't start there though, right? It starts once people are much more intimate. I'm sure some people are just creepy and sending unsolicited stuff and shouldn't do, but I think most people who are doing it have gotten to a stage in their relationship where they're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, I don't think you could always assume that anyone you're sending the pictures to will instantly go to the next guy next to them in the pub and be like, oh, look at Jennifer Lawrence's tits!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, but at the same time, people are, you know, people do have, take a lot of, people take a lot of selfies themselves until they get one that looks really good and completely unlike them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, but that is, that reminds me of these like old ladies you see who are like, oh, in the fifties I was a right dish, look at this. And she's like, you know, a picture of her in a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, full, full piece bikini or whatever that stretches down to her ankles or whatever. And you're like, oh god, I don't want to, look, she looks nice there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what is on there, but I'm sure it's some good stuff. Yes. So protect your data and stop paying full price for streaming services while only getting access to a fraction of the content. You can visit expressvpn.com slash Triforce right now and get three extra months free. That's expressvpn.com slash Triforce. Thanks guys. And I'm on this show. Thank you. Cheers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh nice, oh. Where'd you get those from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh nice. So PFax, I noticed you tweeted me as if I had some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever said a dick pic to someone? You know, I wanna know what percentage of brands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually it must be awful to work for those authorities, you can see all of that stuff all the time, all the, you know, and they're just constantly going through like, can you imagine if your job was to like, be the FBI blackmail guy, and you just had to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon like, oh god, I reckon even back in like Roman times, people were fucking having like a dick pic made of their- A mosaic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My top tip for crime is don't involve any other people, the less people involved, ideally just you. Don't let anyone else know, just keep it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm glad you're supporting, uh, male talent. Well, there we go. Look, everyone be safe out there. Uh, I love you very much. Look out for each other and yourselves and why not, why not go and buy some vegetables and just buy and eat some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to the Triforce Podcast, Triforce on the Road, of course, this week because Sips has been turfed out of his, his home due to the mini hurricane. Well, I'm back though, I'm back, I'm back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Oh. What, the digital version? Right, the digital card game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think actually that strat is legitimate in some cases. So for example, there's some corporations who get cheaper big cards, and you wanna play a couple of big cards to start with, but you wanna play cards that give you stuff for the whole game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, we should play a game of Terraforming Mars later, or if you're still sick of being in the hotel or in P-Flex, I'd be happy to join when you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. I think he is like, he is chasing that dragon. He's playing a turn ahead. I'm struggling to decide whether or not to buy the cards, you know, in my hand at the start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a bit of that. You're exactly right. So I bought a game this week called Brass Birmingham, which I know is a big deal because I played it on Tabletop Sim once with some people. They were fiendish about it and they were like, oh yeah, we should


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does. Anyway, they have their own Discord dedicated to playing this game digitally. Uhm, so yeah, that's a whole thing. There's apparently another tabletop sim that someone recommended me, which is a slightly better, less 3D version. I can't remember. I'll be honest with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that realism attached to it, and that is frustrating, but I don't think it ruins a lot of these games. But also, people have put so many games on TTS now, that every game is represented in there in some way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's already the next... it was Talk of the Town a week ago. I mean, Ben's son got an email from the school saying, you know, all the five and six year olds have been playing Squid Game in the playground. And of course they're playing, you know, red light, green light, or something like that, but they're calling it Squid


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, talking about pushing yourself, I had went out for drinks with Tom Tuesday. That's challenging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I limped back home at like two in the morning, completely fell asleep and I spent


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just walking around in the days, I had a terrible headache that I couldn't shift, I just didn't want to do anything. I watched like half an episode of this TV show and I was like, I can't do this. I just, it's one of these reminders of getting, it's been a couple of years since I got drunk, but every time I get very drunk the recovery time is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I love the people that you end up meeting at these places though. You always meet new and interesting people at the bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were, where were we? We were at, we were at the Duke and there was this guy who came up to me and was from America, very sort of outgoing, very nice looking, very sort of friendly and lively and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he turns around and looks to this table, and there's a table with just a girl there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of shrugged at me, uhm, and I was like, you better go and just do your date, my dude. I didn't, I mean, I felt bad for her all of a sudden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'd wondered why he was sort of, cause when he was talking to me, he was saying, oh, you know, I'm a big fan, you know, I had to come and talk to you, and you know, now you're here, I couldn't resist, I have to ask you these questions. And I realised it's because he's sort of almost begrudgingly in his mind, like, making excuses for why he's abandoned this date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, oh man. But going back to Terraforming Mars, I think one of the reasons why


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of nice, right? It's because we're constantly surrounded by all this climate change stuff. Like I watched this video yesterday on...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] YouTube about how there's like a company buying up 30,000 gas wells that are all rusted and leaking methane everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which of course is money they've spent, do you know what I mean? They've already given that to themselves in corporate bonuses. So they, they built this sort of front company which they've planned to fail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sold all the gas, you know, things to anyways. Horrible. We're constantly surrounded by this horrible...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's good for home. Yeah. I love that. I read a little article this morning about how Prince William has set up this thing called, like, the Earthshot Prize. And uhm, so he's got 15 projects that he is supporting that are good for the environment, right? Which is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of a cool thing. Uhm, and I was reading through some of them, and I was like, hmmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are a bit weird. There's like a 14 year old innovator in India who designed a solar powered ironing cart. Right. Okay. Now I'm not sure what it does. I'm not even sure what a solar powered ironing cart is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, and it sucks in, I mean, is it like, it sucks in pollution out the front, and it's like powered by smog? I just, I just want to know more about it. I have no idea. Okay, so. You said iron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it though. Imagine if you have Ubers, but for other things like ironing, right? I could call an ironing Uber, or ironing cart, to outside the office, you know, so I turn up, hand my shirt over, you know, get nice and pressed before I go in for my big interview.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our student- we teach people how to really tailgate you, and then when you've pulled over, yell at you, and call you a prick. Yes. I love that honest inner-city school play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to gauge the room, you're right. Like, if you're with a load of your old office friends you haven't seen for ten years, you're not sure where the levels are yet. It takes some time. Someone has to push the boundary, and then you can push the boundary a little bit further.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not- I mean, I get it, like, I was there to meet my friend, and not her, but, y'know, I was still willing to include her in, she's just, I dunno, the whole, she was just off. And I was like, wow. Did she have a face like a smackdarse? She went to the school of cunts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being the head of a, running their own financial firm or whatever, and suddenly, you know, your other friend, who's still playing World of Warcraft, but is in his parents' basement, hasn't changed, fuck all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot more better than Romania, I guess, in the sense, you know, we can go out to the pub and do stuff and feels fairly normal though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although, yesterday, when I was recovering from Sanger, I was thinking, fuck, I really hope I don't die as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's kinda sweet. Yeah, it's, it's, it's alright. It's crept back in to Yogs, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we got fourth floor in the office, we got other groups of people in the office and they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And over time we've tended, we've, we started off like randomly, you know, kind of working any time we wanted because in fact it was nice to work at the weekend because then you could have Tuesday and Wednesday off and you could go into town when no one was there and you know, it was nice to have a weird schedule but over time families and other partners who do have jobs and kids at school and all this stuff has meant that we've just gone back to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the Monday to Friday kind of routine. And it's, it's just, there is a little bit of a Friday atmosphere in our offices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think really now we have Covid and flexible working, a lot of people have gotten used to the idea that they can stay home for a couple of days, they get the stuff done then, they come to the office and have a bit of a social time, we talk to people, have some donuts, bounce some ideas around, it's kind of a more sensible


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sensible option. I had a, had a vegan donut the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's not vegan about a donut? Okay, plant-based though, you know, it's got, I know, it's just, it's just maybe, maybe an animal didn't have to die so I could enjoy a donut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And feel like, they feel like, people justify that in all sorts of ways. So for example, one way I heard was that he said, well, you know, I had a really bad draw and you know, I got really unlucky, so I thought I might just, you know, give myself like an edge and then I'm even again, right? Like, it didn't feel to him like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think one of the best things about terraforming Mars and these Euros is that you don't know for sure who's won until the very end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is good, and it's just too much for you to necessarily bother with, but at the same time, there are things where Terraform Mass has a very small amount of cucking. Like, you can fuck someone over by destroying some of their plants, but that's about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do have to have things for people to fight over, uhm, so we play the draft variant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because otherwise, if he just got lucky and drew that, he'd win. Uhm, so yeaah, the more, I think you do have to have, like, player interaction or else you're just four of you playing a single player game in the same room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, well, you know, it's an MMO, but you know, it's, it's, it's not, it's not what we're supposed to be doing there. You need to have some, not people getting angry with each other, but more people being like, you know, you're clearly ahead, so I'm gonna, you know, destroy you, this mind. Just cheat a little bit, just to get an edge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that we have, there's a certain honor system though too, and I, I just, I know I gave you an example of somewhere where you feel like the honor system is like, the karmic thing is rebounding, so I've been unlucky some game this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, generally, as soon as you've cheated, it does take some of the pleasure away. It taints your victory. I'm sure that these cheaters...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we need more carts? Like, more, more, cause this is the, everyone wants to call on their phone, someone, you know? And also it gets people outside, they can all be eco-powered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You opened yourself up for a bit of a fall, because one of the questions you ended on was asking them to say something mean about you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shout out to you guys for making it into these recordings through, through, through bad weather, and bad internet, and flooding, bad, wherever we are. Alright, thank you, lads. We'll take it easy. Until next time, BYE!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, listen, this game is so mindless though, like, you just, it's an MMO, right? So it's like, hey, deliver 12 hotdogs to Gary in this faraway place, okay. And I run there, and I deliver the hotdogs, and when I'm done, I get that overwhelming sense of achievement, uh, after delivering the hotdogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am too. I'm a lean, mean, uh, questing machine and squatting machine and tooth brushing machine as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I subscribed to this game for about 400 days. I got all these rewards for being subscribed and everything. Total play time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I paid a year's worth of subscription for it, and I haven't played it, so it's time to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what we're gonna do is, uhm, uh, boot it up again, go to the betas, uhm, setting in steam and go for build 41, which has like all the new stuff that they're working on. Man, it's great. It's changed a lot. It's really fun. It's really, really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then, yeah, and, and fight zombies and try to survive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's single player with multiplayer coming. You will be able to play it multiplayer. Uhm, I think the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, cause you can imagine, uhm, I think when I tried playing, uhm, multiplayer, we had it set up for, uh, when you joined, if you died, you were banned from the server, so you couldn't just come back, you know, like as a new guy or whatever. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah. So like, there's, there's, there's definitely things that you can do to, to make it a bit more interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if you play solo, if you load up a map and you play a character and your character dies and gets turned into a zombie, you can then create a character on the same map and go and hunt down your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to go for like the, the true hardcore experience, just make a new map every time you die and start from scratch. Which is pretty fun too. Uhm, but it's nice. It's, uh, it's got all the, uh, it's got lots of like really sort of, uh, deep, uh, mechanics and stuff. Uhm, and it's, it's just, it's just really fun to try to survive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but have you ever tried playing it like this, Flax? Every time somebody, uhm, annoys you, even if it's an animal or whatever, admitis- you have to administer a smokeleaf joint to them. Whether they like it or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who got into a gunfight and was shot in the head but didn't die?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were still alive, in a sense. Uh, like they were still breathing and just occupying a bed full time. And uh, people would come in and wash them and feed them every day and stuff. Uh, so one day we decided, hang on a second, let's make life a little bit more interesting for this person and force them to smoke a joint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's meant to be coming back. I'm not, I don't mean to judge, but I mean, I think if you take a break and you're in the public eye and you come back and you've packed it on a little bit, it's not ideal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm trying to think of a comedian that I don't like. Uhm, I'm not a huge fan of Lee Evans, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I feel like stand up is in a weird spot now, because unless you're going to comedy clubs and stuff, the only access you have to stand up is the big Netflix shows and stuff now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, sometimes it's context too, right? Like, I don't find...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of these people I don't find, uh, funny in certain shows, but then in other shows, they will be really funny if they're paired up with somebody or they have a good chemistry or whatever. Like they can be funny. Like some of these people, like you'll see them on something like Taskmaster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, you might not like them, but then you'll see them doing something different and it'll be like, oh my God, actually they're, they're kind of funny. Like, uh, I can't think of any examples of that. Oh no, that guy, the bearded guy, um, the, the, what's his name? Joe, um, Joe, Joe something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, he's funny enough, like, I don't dislike him, I don't find him, like, unfunny, but he's just like, it's kinda like, it's a bit, you know, slobby sort of stoner humor, right? But like, he's very funny in Taskmaster, for example, and I warm to him a lot whilst watching


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Jimmy Carr for example, I don't find particularly funny. Uhm, and I think like, kinda when he became more, more known or well known.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like when he was sort of like starting up or whatever. I went to see him live. He came over to Jersey and I went to see him. And uhm, and some of it was actually funny. But again, because there was an audience and lots of people around you laughing and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's We Will Rock You or something, where there's clapping in the song, okay, sure, clap along, like, you know, fill your boots, but like, don't fucking start clapping along to like, uh, Rocketman by, you know, Dave Bowie or something, you know, uh, uh, David Bowie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? There's some, certain songs it's okay to clap to, and I'd say most of them, it's not okay to clap along to a song, okay? If you're, if you're 55 years old and you're clapping along to a song at a concert or whatever, you need, some reevaluation needs to be done here, I think. Like, uh, that's not, it's not good. It's not a good look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, coming back to the topic of comedy and, uh, what you think is funny and not, uh, I started watching a show that was recommended to me on Netflix called I Think You Should Leave, which is like, uh, it's like, uh, American sketch comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, I've watched, I'm halfway through season two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And overall I'd say I've enjoyed it, but it's very hit and miss for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them I find absolutely hilarious, uhm, and some of them I just find not funny at all. Did you watch series one? Yes, I watched all of series one, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too- it's too cr- I don't mind crude humor, but it's too...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's like too, too crude, but like not, not, not at all funny either. I don't know. It's just, it almost feels like it's trying too hard. But then there's just these moments of greatness where you, you, you can sort of see past all that. Like my favorite one from season one was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The episode where they're in the, in the restaurant and the guy starts choking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's, because he's so starstruck about the guy that made the belt that he's wearing, who's at the same table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit like, uh, it's kind of, it feels a lot like, like Tim and Eric humor, which is again, not for everybody. Like, uh, some of the skits, some of the sketches that I found funny in, um, I think you should leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it is. Well, a lot of them are, not all of them, but like there's definitely like a theme of like depression and stuff in a lot of comedians, right? Because I think, I think, you know, probably it's, it's, it's like personality stuff, but also just the nature of what they're trying to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they probably just feel like shit a lot of the time. Because I, I'd imagine that when things go really well, they go really well. Right. You're untouchable. But then when, you know, you have a bad show and things flop or whatever, you must take it so badly. It must suck. It must really suck. And you're alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't watched all of them though, because I just, some of the comedians either I don't know and I don't really want to invest in finding out about them through that show, or some of them I just don't find funny enough to watch. They are very hit and miss episodes, aren't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is interesting for sure. I like uhm, I don't know if you've watched much about or like I'm sure you know about Richard Pryor but there's a couple of good documentaries about just his life and lead up to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It didn't. They were all over the place. There were loads of them. Well, people were trying to transport them back to England and stuff and then eating them along the way, weren't they? That famous Galapagos tortoises. Apparently their meat is very nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a terrible dream yesterday on the topic of rats. Sorry to derail what you said. No, I wanna hear about this. I was, I walked through my backyard and uhm, it was at night, cause I'd heard something outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, I looked over at the trench and it was like filling up with rats. They were coming like from under the fence and running towards me and I started running away. Yeah, I didn't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, I think one of them bit me, but I didn't, I didn't look at my foot to see if I'd been bitten. I had like a status indicator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this, I don't think, no, not overly, like, I just, something, something deep in my brain just decided, like, it felt like a bit of a mix of, like, maybe Zomboid and something else in that dream, but yeah, it was really weird. Do you guys, do you guys remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a weird thing, yeaah. That is weird. That is definitely a weird one. Yeaah, yeaah. I wonder whether it started with boxing, you know, cause a lot of people get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like a sort of silent film actor, wasn't he, in the ring? Cause he'd sort of been told, I think, that Uwe Boll was just gonna sort of, y'know, make a show of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You knocked him out on the first round properly, you know, you knocked him down a bunch of times, really pushed him a lot in the head. It was a bit overkill, honestly, it was a bit sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can try to open it up. Just to spice it up a little bit. Use it like an ice break, to sort of make friends. You know, you don't want to get to know him though, cause you won't like it, it'll ruin the good morning moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rich older dads on Jersey. Oh, I'm sure there are, yeah, I don't know any of them. I've seen this as the sort of thing that these older celebrities have kids sometimes quite late. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm always a little bit, like, uncomfortable with it, you know? Not from the reason, not from the angle that, you know, when they're a teenager their dad's either gonna be in a wheelchair or just dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then again, like, these old billionaires, they're living forever. It made me think of that thing from Silicon Valley, where there's that, they have those blood boys. Have you heard of this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well exactly, well it's a class of crazy scientists, but I think the whole point of it was that there was this idea, they learned from it that the idea was that you could extend the life of mice by giving them young blood, right? It was a thing that we saw a lot of happening with old Lance Armstrong, you know, when he was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of his main ways of cheating was that he would have these blood transfusions at every fucking rest stop, you know, either from his own blood that he'd...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Young 18 year old Hollywood boy blood, which I think is what, like, these uhm, you know, Peter Thiel, a big sort of famous entrepreneur, there was a thing, wasn't there, about him, I don't know whether he's one of the horrible ones, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he was reportedly spending forty thousand dollars every quarter on an infusion of blood from eighteen year olds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he also was taking these, like, hormone replacement pills and stuff, like, I'm fascinated by this life extensions stuff, right, because you do see these Hollywood celebrities who are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's incredibly fascinating. I think also, so barbaric, right? Like, when we were kids, we assumed that by the time we were middle-aged or old, there would be some sort of technologies invented, like a pill that would keep you young, or like preserve you, and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fascinating that, like, we have, that science has advanced so little in terms of age prevention. Like, even the hair transplant thing, like, hair transplants are all the rage, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, they are, people are, I've watched this thing about people going to Turkey, and getting them on the cheap, because Turkey is apparently the centre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they end up with having this like, like hairline, it's almost like halfway down their forehead, you know, they look like a kind of weird goomba or something with, you know, reduced forehead size. And then obviously 10 years later,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got this sort of stripey line, because they've had the front hair, and then they've got a line where it's all continued to retreat, and then they've got another load of hair that's left at the back. It's a very sort of strange phenomenon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but it's such a- people do these things to stay young, and there's this whole-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're using these from the age of about 12, you know, because, oh, you know, gotta make sure that you're always, you know, protecting yourself. That way when you're 80, you're not gonna look like, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I guess it's better now because it's- but it doesn't- I don't- you can always see it, right? You can see that plastic surgery face that they have. It is so like- it is so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simple, there's no, there's no, where's the, the cure for baldness was always like a wonderful idea, right, that there would be a pill for it, but no, it's just plucking the hair follicles out one by one, and putting them back in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a classic thing from, since Lawrence of Arabia was that, wasn't he? Right. You know, very famously went out into the hill tribes of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people knew about him, you know, during, you know, cause he wrote the book after the first world war, it was a very like, standard thing to, to drop these sort of upper class Brits behind enemy lines, sort of, you know, diplomatically pay or make friends with all these tribes, you know, or make promises.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and there's always this idea that you can get the local people to fight the battles for you. You know, certainly a thing in Vietnam and other things, rather than send troops ourselves, we can, you know, just send them money and planes and let them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We love all this stuff about the sort of, all the deceptions and the deceit and all these sort of strange little quirks in World War Two, you know, it really was like this whole thing where everyone was, everyone was getting involved in so many different ways to try and just win the war from, there was just everyone was thinking up-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an opportunity for them to capitalise on their own goals, for their own change. They've been looking for an opportunity, you know? I think, I mean, it's so interesting because so much history happens all at once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The goes wrong show. It's very much a, it's a very, like, it's always, it's a very throwback sort of show, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a nice way, that you haven't, you don't necessarily see a lot of, like, these days. You know? I dunno, it feels like we import so much


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. It's a comedy, yeah. Oh, you almost watched that, yeah. It's kind of like The Office, or something. I watched it as a, like, just a generic comedy. She loves it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, like, with it too, right? The teat-age testosterone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost scratched the surface, though. You know, I think that you certain smells, and certain sounds, and certain...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moods and, you know, and just sitting down with a book in front of the telly on like a cold night or, you know, there's certain times where it does evoke this kind of reminiscence and nostalgic, nice, comforting, warming feelings. It's certainly happening as we move into winter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm starting to get in the Christmas spirit. I hate to say those, that phrase. Well, I've started to see Christmas trees go up, and, like, Christmas lights and stuff, and obviously I'm preparing the jingle jams, so I'm organizing the streams, and I'm watching back old clips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm starting to find myself like, like thinking about Christmas time in a kind of positive way though. Like, like we always forget about Christmas quite quickly. I was sick of it after Christmas. We're like, thank God it's over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's all happening, and I dunno, like I'm getting a little bit wrapped up in it, I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you know, we've got to start thinking about recording Christmas episodes for stuff in advance and stuff like this. Cause you know, Jingle Jam is, is kicking off and so we want to do like, you know, some, some, some content that is Christmassy and we don't have time to do it while Jingle Jam's happening. So we've got to do it before. So I've got to be like, Ooh, I've got to think up. I don't know. We're searching for like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. You nailed it. Yeah. Which I dunno, like it does have a certain energy, all of it so, and even if it is tinged with stress, it's still like, hmm, positive, it's good, it's good energy, and it's good to be passionate about something, rather than the usual,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] P.S.A. stuff, like what's it called, public service and that type of stuff. Yeah, I remember there'd be loads of adverts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not doing this stupid, pranky, ballery, dumb content, uhm, and I hope that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I mean that's, I think times have changed, but uhm, I don't think people's stupidity has changed. And this stuff goes in cycles, right? Like, you know, it's gonna be, it's not until someone gets, like, injured, or some movement happens, that change will actually take place, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah they do, you can get more than that. They're all fucking garbage and really like, shit in both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it foams out. It just keeps, it's one of those chemical reactions. Yeah, I mean, I think it's generous to call it a firework, I suppose. A lot of this stuff is still around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need about, like, technology not advancing though, like, what, what, what the fuck have we got that's new?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather have your kids watching that than, like, the TikTok-er? Do you know what I mean? I would much rather they watch TV and TikTok, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Any day. Like, no, but imagine, like, instead of Paw Patrol on the BBC, they put, like, some young TikTok stars on there, you know, because they're so popular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's what I'm saying though, like, you know, we've always had corporations feeding us TV shows like Transformers that are clearly just made to sell toys, right? It's basically a glorified toy advert, like the Lego movie is, or the Lego Batman, and all this stuff is just a glorified toy advert, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's made by a corporation, and sure, there's people who are passionate who work for these companies, I'm sure, and they've made something that is fun and watchable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lego movies are great, they're fun, they're fine, right? But I think that, you know, what is worse, the corporate thing, or the unfettered creativity of random... Well let me just say one thing about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So alright, how about this, okay? Uhm, I read it today, I fucked up yesterday. I just wanna know how you feel about this, because someone sent me this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is the last thing, don't worry. Obligatory disclaimer, this happened today. I've been very lonely lately, both physically and emotionally. I have plenty of physical options, but I'm at a point where not having an emotional connection leaves me feeling kind of hollow and generally disappointed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I found this guy on TikTok, and he makes relatively risque videos. Right. After 30 to 40 reels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to his Instagram which led me to his Pornhub account. He makes videos very much geared towards women and I scrubbed through several of his videos until I found one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The part of the title that jumped out to me was Love Making POV, and I'm thinking to myself, this is the one, emotional AND physical satisfaction. Everything was going great, until the very end, when he says, and that's why I love you. And I started ugly crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was not expecting him to take it that far in the video. To be honest, I'm still kinda sad about it, but now that I've written it out, it seems a bit funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is, that is a today I fucked up comment. Like, and what do you guys, what's your immediate reaction to that? What was the fuck up? The what? Getting upset about it? Or... Yeah, it like, it like upset her. Right. Because I think somehow...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just so confused about all of that, that whole, there's so much to unpack there, but we live in a world where, you know, you can be lonely, you can stalk people from TikTok to their Pornhub account,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We live in a weird world, where billionaires hire 18 year olds for their blood, and they follow them around, giving them transfusions, and people can find a boyfriend on the internet, and get emotional fulfillment. It's bizarre. It is bizarre, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's happy, she's sharing this moment. I don't think it was like, a moment where she was like, what am I doing? She was just like, you know, didn't expect to, um, didn't expect to get such a reaction. I assume it was a good cry, ugly crying, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where they're the, they're the, the, the keepers of, uh, of the conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Women do it. I mean, I know if, if there's a group of women and I'm talking to them, whoever's got the biggest boobs is probably getting the bulk of my attention. That's all I'm saying. But I think in terms of social cues, I think a lot of women take their cues from the biggest boobs at the party. I think that's fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three eyes is no good. So if you were like Captain Kirk off in space and you met a woman, beautiful, perfect body, but she had one massive eye, like Leela from Future Armor, could you go through with it? Like, most of her face is an eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they've got to dig it out, and then they've got to dig down further to put the foundations down for all that. And I think if you're digging in London, any kind of digging in London, you have to have archaeologists and shit come in because it's like we're sat on top of thousand, two thousand years of history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's the drilling. I don't know if you guys can hear that drilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do wonder sometimes if these people just sold a house that they had for a lot of money and then went and bought some land very cheaply in the country and realised that they still had like a million quid left over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's what they did instead, okay? They hid the World Series of Poker behind a paywall. And you need to sign up to this garbage site that nobody ever watches other than at this two weeks for the World Series. If you want to watch other events, I guess it's about a month you sign up for. Uhm, cause there's a whole bunch of events, like Horse and Omaha and all the rest of it. There's a whole bunch of events in the World Series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but they don't do that. You've got to pay to watch the World Series. Now, this is like if Dota hid the international behind a paywall. If the World Cup


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to pay to watch the World Cup. You know, people would just not watch it. They would do something else. And that's, and poker is a game that needs fresh blood. These poker websites and casinos and all that need people to come in and play games. Otherwise it stops existing. Like that's just how it goes. So the World Series of Poker is the best way


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, that's his name. That is his name. That is his name. He was an amateur player, he turned up, he played, he won the whole thing. This was headline news. This was like, big news. Chris Moneymaker, because that's just such a great name, wins the World Series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were playing for millions of dollars, and it was great. And then poker had a decline, because first of all, in America, they changed the rules so that you couldn't use gambling websites anymore. They banned it. So you had to do it with a VPN and all the rest of it, and a lot of people didn't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And of course, when you're getting paid out, you can't have a gambling site, I assume, pay into an American bank account. So it became a whole fucking problem. So the US government successfully shut down poker, this burgeoning industry. They shut it down. And that killed it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could still be a big game today. I mean, the World Series of Poker should be like the World Cup of Poker, and people should be tuning in and watching it, but they paywalled it. The other problem is, I have never seen slower play than I saw at this World Series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The time. It's called tanking. They tank on every decision. And by the end of it, the World Series of Poker Commentators were losing their minds and trying to come up with ways to speed up poker. They were like, this is awful. Why are they doing this? This is, they should have a clock like they do in chess. So they were coming up with all these new things. I guarantee it was not going to happen again next year. These guys were taking the piss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're sitting there, and they're shuffling their chips for like two minutes. There's no table talk, there's no chat. It was so dull. But there were some great hands, like it was, there were some great storylines if you just looked at the cards. But if you actually tried to watch the broadcast,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he was trying to modernize and come up with cool stuff, he just had no idea what he was talking about. These guys have no idea what they're talking about AND they're not trying to do anything. They're not listening, they're not looking for ideas, nothing. They're literally playing it like, I assume these guys have been working in casinos since the 70s. So in their mind, you know, that's not how you do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is tense, yea. But it's a great film. I love that film. Oh yea, it's a good one. It was very scary when I watched it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, pretty fucking weird. Uhm, but so there's a line in Lethal Weapon, there are two lines that I thought, okay, this actually is older than I thought, because you wouldn't get that these days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're discussing, so let me set the scene for anyone that hasn't seen Lethal Weapon and to jog the memory of the elderly like me that have seen it and might have forgotten. It opens with a girl, Amanda Huntsacker, falling off a balcony because she's taken a load of drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friends, or frenemies, or whatever, and them having to come to terms with this awkward partnership. 48 Hours started that. That whole thing in the 80s. That was the one that always buddy-buddy caught movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could see it was hurting Pirian at the time, but he was too professional, you know, and the power dynamic was there where Pirian didn't think he could speak up. Someone needs to help Pirian out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it is a very, it's very hard to be successful and I think it's very rare that you find people who can go up on stage and make thousands of strangers laugh and become famous for it. Yeah. Continue to write jokes and be funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I'm not, I'm not lying. Seinfeld, I love. But Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up? Has anyone ever really found it that funny? Like genuinely? I've watched his specials, I've watched his stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my, my kids were into it and we, we skirted around the, the cost issue by going onto eBay. And you can buy boxes of fucking mixed Sylvania family stuff, much cheaper. And then it has really good resale value because there's always people selling these giant boxes. So you can pretty much sell it for what you got it for. We ended up giving it to a friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ...is British. Netflix has been buying long-term leases in all these studios, Longcross, Shepperton, they're looking to massive expansion in the UK, Disney's got a lease on Pinewood, Warner Brothers owns Leavesden, and they're employing all these people, they're paying good wages, the British film industry, from the actors all the way down to the tea lady, I'm assuming, are very, very good at what they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that is what they are doing. That's why they gotta phone up the witcher. They gotta call him up and say-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's never that long standing, right? It's always kind of like a more recent thing and then he has to investigate. It's like, the Wyvern was a baby for many years and didn't bother anybody, but then it grew up and started eating the sheep and that's when everybody started noticing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they don't have a chance, but it's the street cred that they gain when they get back after a successful wood gathering or berry gathering sortie into the woods, you know what I mean? They get back, they haven't died, and all of a sudden everybody's like, holy crap, Gary is incredible, like how has he done it? So even a witcher went out there, didn't know how to fight properly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From what I remember about the Wheel of Time, wasn't there this thing where like, if they used their magic too much or they radiated too much magic, there was something watching them all the time and it could detect the magic and it was like hunting them down or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, basically, yeah, I remember there being, it's been a while, but I read, I think I read like one, one or two of the books and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To recall at the start, there's like some sort of, somebody's like trying to run a town, or maybe is running a town, or is the son of a town-runner. Where's this going? I don't know, I'm just recollecting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably closer to the, uh, the issue at hand, right? Like, you're probably just not used to drinking all night every night. Like, you have been for the past two weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One year of Hewl. You should do like a, like a YouTube documentary. One year of Hewl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, equally you do see some that aren't so jacked, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So speaking of Covid, I'm getting my boost this, uh, this week. I'm getting a booster jab tomorrow. Cause it's been six months since I had my last jab. But apparently it's been cut down to three months and it's rolling out over here. So I'm getting it. So I'm going to be triple, triple dipped. Wow. Congrats. I couldn't get mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would put leeches and shit on you too, right? To help bleed you out even more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the horse, uh, dewormer stuff of today. It's just the same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you pick it off, there's like a hole where there's like a lot of blood that comes out of them and it's like coming out of you. They're really fucking upsettingly gross. Like it's just the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was a kid, on a school trip, a school day out, and there was shallow pools of water, not quite connected to the lake. That's leech territory right there. That's prime leech territory. Walk through it, look down...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, those things really get in there. They weave right into your, into your skin. I don't want things in my skin. No, it's upsetting as hell. It's really gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, I'm sure there's a field like fucking super far away that you could've set up camp in, right? Like you get your pig farming operation going there. But then I guess you'd have like a griffin or wyvern or something swooping down. Maybe something. There's always something, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanna know how they, like, deal with their downtime, you know? Like when, you know, like the bad guys, like, like Saruman, for example. Like, you know, he probably reads a lot of books realistically, but like, what, what, what fucking color are his jammies, like, when he goes to bed and stuff, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just so intense, he just constantly like, wait no, but that's just the physical manifestation of his like, uh, of his- Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotta be like some Wizard of Oz thing, you know, where there's just like a, you know, some little dude controlling, like the eye or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, there's no way. And further to that, that guy needs to have a break sometimes. Like, or maybe there's like a- He sounds like a robot. There's like shift work. Doesn't he? There's a couple of them. Like a machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, to make sure that they got 24-7 coverage of the eye. But like, there's no way. There's gotta be some breaks in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why was Data allowed to fall in love with Tasha Yar in Star Trek?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but he still developed, like, feelings and was able to cry at one point as well. Like, I don't understand how that happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think there was ever a spin-off series just about Data? Like, you know. I think it would be terrible. He would just like go off and like start like Family Matters or something, you know? He would just start like a family somewhere and it would just like chronicle his life like dealing with his new found emotions and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could go all over the place with that. Imagine the first time they go on a family vacation, like they gotta take the shuttlecraft and go to like Disneyland or Disney Planet or whatever it would be in the Star Trek universe and the kids are in the back, like aren't we


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so how did, where did you see Dune? Sorry, did you actually go to the, to the scene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first episode of Deep Space Nine put me off of watching the rest of Deep Space Nine for life. It was so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ever since you mentioned Dr. Yui, all I can imagine is this, like, uh, urinologist who you, you go visit and, uh, he just says his, his catchphrase constantly. Yui. Yui now. Yui. No? Okay, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I often tell jokes in my house where nobody laughs, but I'm laughing. I find it funny. And it's just, you just get used to it after a while. I think most dads go through that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, maybe I can bust out my Yui joke on the weekend, you know, just in case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So somebody modeled the bad guy of Super Mario after the guy who runs Nintendo and decided that a fat crocodile was like the, was the way to go, pretty much? Or is Bowser like a dragon? Is he a crocodile?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I think Nintendo owns Sonic now, doesn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a nice present is to just take your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you're cultured enough you could own it though. That could be, uhm, that could be like one episode of the Data sitcom series. He forgets his- There we go! He forgets Tasha Yar's birthday and then, uh, he has to like sort of backpedal and then offers to take her out on a shopping spree. And out for lunch as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't it, there's one, there's definitely an episode where he like kind of fancies, uh, Deanna Troi as well and, and holodecks her. And then I think she actually, it's either her or Picard walks in on him, mid-holodeck of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're close to Hinckley, Hinckley C though, right? Hinckley B, Hinckley, Hinckley something, the big power stick. Yeah, yeah. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the Triforce hodcast, here we are, uh, for all of your favorite gaming news, uh, comedy, dad chat, and, you know, general thoughts, and meandering ramblings from three people fairly out of touch with the world, uh, in general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are definitely out of date, but uhm, I thought we could start off, because I've been reading about this thing called Axie Infinity, right, which is an online game, which is a little bit like Pokemon Go, right, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are, um, like, Philippines, Vietnam, and I think, um, Venezuela. Right. Okay. Where they have very dodgy economies, right? And people are looking for work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so there's this kind of weird, colourful,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like game where you have these like floating blob monsters, okay, there's like hearthstone style cards in it, like it's part of the gameplay is to do with that, um, but in order to play this game in the first place, you have to buy in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three, you have to buy three pets basically to start with. Okay. To have, to be able to do anything in the game. And then you, you play with these pets, you do games with them, you earn this sort of, this currency, this sort of, uhm, there's a couple of crypto currencies built into it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And each pet is effectively an NFT. You can breed more pets with your pets and sell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but because so many people want to get in on this and because it's like linked to real world currencies, you know, you can sell the currencies from the game and these NFT pets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real money, it's very quickly become like this, this weird kind of coo-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, um, because they're so expensive to get in, this is what's happened. Because it's so expensive to get in now, because these pets used to be like, you know, five bucks or ten bucks or whatever, they're now like fifteen hundred bucks, right? Wow. People aren't able to play the game, they have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, they have to apply to basically some sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, they don't rent them, they have, they call them scholars, okay, and they, because they, because renting is I think illegal or something, to stop people being scammed, but what it is is basically anything you make from that pair,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get like 70% of the profits, right? And so it's kind of like having, and so what you've got is you've got these kind of barons, right, who are hiring all these, who are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sounds insane. It's, it's, what world are we living in? It's mental. It's not got that many actual players in the playerbase, that's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, it's obviously, there's only so many of these, like, CryptoKitty things, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make more of them, it's quite expensive and hard in the game, because they're obviously creating new NFTs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, like, you have to spend a certain amount of gas, or whatever, or, like, Ethereum fees, right? Do you know about this? How this all works? It's confusing. I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate this so much. This is what I said. So passionately. I was looking at this before we started, and I said, I hate this, and I knew


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to some extent, right, we are aware that wow gold, or runescape gold, or whatever, has been a more stable currency than


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the, some of the currencies of the countries in the world, especially places like Venezuela where the hyperinflation has meant that it's been very difficult for people to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically everyone in Venezuela has a friend, aka them, who has set up a digital


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they've got a US dollar account, or PayPal account, and they pay for everything out of that. And they've put all of their money into US dollars, you know, overseas, digitally. And so the country's still ticking over, even though the hyperinflation is ravaging anyone who's stupid enough to not, you know, to try and use the actual fissure currency.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has exacerbated the problem, right? Because, you know, no one wants to use this currency. It's so unstable that it's just unusable. Uhm, and, and, and, you know, trying to pay for anything is, is basically the way it sort of works is people, you want to buy a hot dog and it's like 4,000 Venezuelan dollars or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. Um, but no, so there's this madness where, I feel like it's this incredibly... I'm worried about the... Well, but then again, a lot of these people are saying, you know, I didn't have a job,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I applied to this thing and now I can, I spend my day breeding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it's terrifying. There is, I mean, what you've got is you've got, like, people, like, venture capital firms investing billions into the top end, right? Into the companies that make these. And in the bottom end you've got basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who manage their, and whip their employees into, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get as much money as they possibly can out of their pets, and then they keep some of the in-game rewards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And eventually they can buy their own team, and become a slave master themselves. I mean, it is like a little microcosm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the real economy, though, right? And it's weird how quickly that happens, as well. Like, this thing's pretty new, but already it has the rich people taking advantage of everyone else, right? There's no way for you, as a little guy, to just get in at the bottom and start doing it on your own. You have to subscribe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To one of these big scholars, you're blocked out, you know? You have to, you have to take on this life debt. Uh, well that's what mortgage is, isn't it? Um, or death debt, I guess that's where it comes from.