[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I think generally like, generally Japan is, is, is the same but different, right? So it's, it's, it's all these things that I've said but a lot of stuff that's very familiar and comfortable and you never, I never felt threatened, I never felt like I was, I was in a foreign country and I was lost, I never felt like it was anything different because, because of the Western influence, right? You walk, some, some streets I walk down,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] were literally all just, it looked like a street inn in London, you know, really nicely put together street in London. It was like, there was like a Paul Smith, a Burberry, like I said, like all of these flippin', it was just English shops all the way down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and western shops and then you go around the corner and it's all western shops again and American shops and, and, like, there didn't seem to be many Japanese chains, if you like. It felt like most of the chain stores that you saw again and again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I bought two t-shirts. One said, I speak trapanese. I don't know what that even means now. And the other one I bought said, stay lit. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking hilarious. So the other big thing I did was a lot of walking around, right? I didn't really get any buses anywhere, I never got a taxi anywhere. I used the subway quite a lot, but I mostly just walked to a station, got on the subway, got out, walked around. So I did a lot of walking, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was nice, the weather was nice, uhm, comparatively, like I was shorts and t-shirt, but I was the only guy wearing a fucking shorts and t-shirt, you know what I mean, everyone else in all the locals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Generally, like, I think they do, they, it's not kind of good to stand out necessarily from the crowd. At least that's the impression I got. Certainly I was, I wasn't necessarily someone who was weird and stared at because this tourist is so prevalent, uhm, that, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no, I think I walked around a lot of, Kyoto was much different. I mean, Tokyo was everything in everything. It's London and New York and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shrines and temples, you know, we went, I think I saw about 50 or 60 shrines and temples as I went around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like sort of like the cultural sort of like capital. It definitely is that. I mean, I think that it was one of these places. It was originally, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like, as much as, I mean, it was still bombed into the ground. Um, and, you know, that's why most of these Japanese cities are grid-like, like the American sort of cities. Yeah, well they start it. Yeah, well, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, let's not talk about that side of things, but, man, it was, um, it was fucking, it was great, like walking around Kyoto was lovely, I really enjoyed it, I'd go back definitely, like, lots of really cool places to see, lots of really nice shrines, really nice temples.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, you said to me, like, that you were trying to, your wife wouldn't let you get a vape, right, and you were trying to convince her, and you finally managed to convince her by saying, I'm only going to use the vape when I'm away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to eat lemon tarts or drink pink lemonade, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking hate that. I used to, my parents used to book the flights at that time and I, getting up at 3 fucking a.m. was just horrific, especially in winter when it was freezing fucking dicking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome back! How you doing? Oh man, it was a good podcast last week, I enjoyed it. Oh yea, it was the best one. I think that's that. I'm ready for a brand new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast with me, Lewis, and Pirateflax. Hello. And Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked it. I sort of didn't really feel like going after last time. I felt like BlizzCon was a bit of a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bit of an Overwatch-centric event, it felt like, and it had become, like that was, like a lot of new people had come into Blizzard and there was sort of a bunch of the old guard, sure, but kind of mostly new Overwatch players, and I'm not a big Overwatch player, I know a lot of people are, and they're very into their Overwatch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it definitely is divisive. I think people don't necessarily play all Blizzard games. They either only play Overwatch, or they only play Hearthstone, or they only play WoW. And I think that WoW is one of those games which, if you play WoW, you don't play other games, it feels like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, although, Duncan's been playing Destiny 2 lately, cause it was on the Blizzard launcher, and uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Blizzard are really, I don't think Blizzard, don't think Blizzard like buy back their shares from, oh well they brought back their shares, Blizzard actually brought back their shares from Vivendi I think, they were owned by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It said you could, well what he said to me was you can complete the game in 6 hours and I didn't really understand what that meant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think anyone ever plans this, right? We're humans, and it's a bit like taking drugs, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ask people why they take drugs, and it's just like, I do it because it feels good, because I like it. I don't know, I can't explain it, I just like it. And there's certain things that we're organisms that have evolved in a way that we have to survive in the world, and now we put into this thing where we're sat down in front of a video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think originally, like in World of Warcraft for example, the way it was originally built was that you would gear up in order to be good at killing other players. So you'd kill the enemies, the monsters together in order to get the very, very good gear that would let you kill the other faction and be really powerful and be overpoweredly powerful, right? So back in the day,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very quickly, like, people realised that PvP and PvE were very different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any game, you know, any book, any story, you know, you get to the end of it. What's the point? You've read a load of words. But it's not about getting to somewhere. It's about the journey. It's about having a nice taste.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chat room, basically. At the same time, this game has a subscription fee. It wants you to come back, it wants you to keep playing. There's not an end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is, there's built in to be not an end. It's like, it's like if a movie...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're enjoying the experience, but I think that sometimes people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, don't realize that this is what's happening. And so they get sucked in to this, this thing. They get, they get trapped in, in the games. Like too many people I think play...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of, you, you have to be careful not to be sucked into one of, to be one of those people who spends an insane amount of money on a, on a free game. Sure, but. Uhm, and doesn't really get anything out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just saying that like, I think that for example with something like, uh, Wolfenstein, right, or Doom, those games have, sure they keep bringing out DLC every year or new expansions or new versions of them, but at least when you play


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's so many little addictive hooks that keep you in and hook you in and kind of in a way, like for me, diminish the experience slightly by nature of giving you that addictive quality. I don't know. That's my personal feeling on that. Anyway, these games are very addictive, beware of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's because it's not greatly well designed though. I think that if it were more aggressively designed, it would be very effective. And I think that we will, you know, I feel like with games, we've talked about this before a little bit, but I see it as a thing which,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, it's never that, right? It's always one guy who's poorly paid, overworked, doing the food, right? Cooking the food. And he's like, I can't, I'm sick, but I'm gonna have to go to work because I need the money. And he goes in, and he's not very well, and he sneezes on all the food, or whatever, or maybe he doesn't, maybe he does his best, but that's how everyone gets sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Yeah, so it's just naturally found in fresh water. Yeah. It's scary. But I mean, I don't think it can kill you unless you are like weak, weakened by like- Yeah, I mean-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It happens a lot, because there's like, I went to Bath, uh, the Baths, Baths Bar, and there's like a big, um, you know, the big baths there. Yeah. The Roman baths. And, um, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, they don't let you swim or touch or go anywhere near the water because it's got this, uhm, amoeba in it that's like the brain-eating bacteria that's called brain eating amoeba.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, what the fuck is this? But it's like a real thing, the brain-eating amoeba, like, gets into, um, called Naegleria fowleri, it's called. Right. And it gets into, like, sources, and once it's contaminated, like, a source,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. It's unremovable, right? So they can't get it out of this thermal bath. It's there forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think a bunch of kids like died of it. So it causes meningitis like symptoms. I think if you get it, like that's it, there's no cure as well. You're like, you just fucking die. Just eats your brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, talking about rats, like they say that you're never like 10 meters away from a rat or whatever, don't they? In London anyway. Yeah. I don't know if that's true these days. Most big cities I would assume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, biodiversity is decreasing as well, but like generally biomass. Like, so for example, like I live in, um, Clifton, right? Which is this sort of slightly nicer area of Bristol. Oh yeah, what's your address? I live in the basement of this place and, um, I got an email yesterday from the estate agent and he said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want me to read it actually? Sure. I'll read the email, because it's kind of worded in a way that is quite annoying. So it says here, Hi Jen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was the source of this rat, right? Like I've caused some sort of rat infestation here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember I was sitting in uhm, in London outside the cinema waiting for some guys to turn up and I was in one of these like parky square things outside waiting. I was there for about half an hour. Anyway, I was having like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] McDonald's chips. So I sat outside of McDonald's basically on this square. Right. And there was these, these bushes, uhm, behind me. So a little wall, a circular sort of bush going around the square.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, so it was like a circular bush and then like grass in the middle and obviously like shops and stuff around the outside. Anyway, I, I was like, I looked around and I saw this like movement out of the corner of my eye as you do. Like when you see like a spider, a massive spider run across the floor or something in your place, like that happens all the time to me. Uhm, in the basement I get a lot of creak, creak, creaches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so uhm, I looked around, I thought this thing, and it was like a whole family of mice. It was like daddy mice, mummy mouse, and like three little mice. Like, doing, just running round this like circle, and like nibbling on all the bits of obviously McDonald's rubbish and stuff that people leave in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In there. And I was, I wasn't freaked out by it. I was like, Oh my God, that's so adorable and so, so nice. Like to see like animals actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The apprentice is one of those things that ordinary people, ordinary UK people, when they come into the office and they work around the water cooler chat, the equivalent of that, they talk about the apprentice, they talk about Strictly Cup Darts, and they talk about Bake Off, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's infuriating to watch. To just say something about that point, like, everyone in, it's the same thing in, it feels like the same thing in politics and business, it's just a thing, it's like, it reminds me of that fucking song from ages ago by Shaggy, It Wasn't Me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes they're showing you that they haven't got you a good hand and they're just saying, I've got you, I've got you beat. And that's enough, often, just to fucking convince people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just sells this shit to other shit companies, right? So he has these business dinners or golf course meetups with other CEOs who are like, yeah, we need to order some new folds for our entire company. All of our warehouses full of un-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Underpaid, you know, phone, phone, annoying phone ringers or whatever, you know, harassing phone call guys, need new, new phones. Let's uh, I'm ordering two thousand of your, your phones. You know what I mean? It's like, it's all idiots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I think the whole, the whole Apprentice character couture of him is not too far from the truth. Oh no, that's him, yeah. But I don't know, I think they make him look a lot more confident in the Apprentice. He's always been this del boy, wide boy, like a-hole, you know, you can't get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm glad we got the c-word out because that's just all I'm thinking about, like watching these shows, like this whole experience. It's just, it's just so awful. No wonder we play video games all the time. Fucking get addicted to video games. Just don't try to get, cause I think I prefer doing that. When I watch these fucking TV shows, man, it just stresses me out so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's set in like the sort of at the dawn, the late 70s, the dawn of sort of criminal psychology and profiling of the first, what they call, originally I think they call them sequence killers. That's it, yeaah. They coined the term serial killers in the show, which is quite...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfectly cast. It's just, it's excellent. It's really cool to see, it's really nicely done, the sort of late 70s with. They capture it perfectly, they really do. Back in the days where you could literally go to an airport and just get on a plane like it was a bus or a train or something, you know, you didn't, you didn't like have to go through hours of all the security stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I, go on, you tell your story in a second, but like, I, I, I completely, I completely understand that mentality, right? Because when I was driving home, all I wanted to do was get home, and I didn't care, I was like, the weather's like terrible, who cares? I've got a car, I've got, I'm on the road, you know, I'm in a modern world, nothing bad can happen, but honestly, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just fucking driving like a lunatic through the most dangerous weather conditions ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because people just think they're invulnerable. Being inside like a tonne of metal, you know, behind a windscreen, you know, makes you think that you're... I think sometimes driving a car, at least when I was driving, sometimes didn't feel real, like felt like playing a video game or something. When you don't, you kind of detach yourself from reality. And it's also fucking boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, you know, I was sitting in my car like fucking doing like a hundred on the motorway and just like, and I like not really aware of like what I was doing, which was, you know, rocketing along in that fucking ton of metal. Anyway, what was the story about a car flipping over in front of you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These things that are totally legal, 100% legal, because they're just loopholes, and bam, we pay 3% tax instead of 50% tax. Why wouldn't we do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand that, like, ethically, morally, like, it's 100% right, you know, but, but, but, you know, it's easy not to, because it's legally not a problem. This is the problem, like, I think that, that, that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That we're in a situation where the richer you are, the less tax you pay, right? Yeah. And it's always, it's kind of, kind of bullshit, but it's, it's, it's, it's a systemic problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate that phrase though, that rich people pay most of the tax. That seems to me to just be bullshit. But also rich people have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the classic, the classic problem here, Sips, is that there's no smoke without fire in some of these cases. And like, you know, this is like, a bunch of other people have come out to say, yeah, Kevin Spacey


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such a stereotypical, horrible thing that's reigned in Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want to spend ages going to court or accusing some big named guy and get yourself blacklisted, you know. It's, it's, the whole culture unfortunately is one of silence, which is, which means that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it needs to be broken down and people need to be able to speak out about this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not just falsely accused people either, of anything, because you know, then it turns into some sort of witch hunt, where you know, it's like, oh, she's a witch, she's a witch, blah, blah, blah. It needs to be, it's really tricky, but the whole- It's tricky, yeah. The whole fucking thing is just a horrible mess. The timing of it is an idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this stuff does stick with you for a long time and doesn't, doesn't go, doesn't heal quickly. And I think that people are affected by these, these assaults and things. So we do need to like, it's such a difficult subject.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's so dumb. We all sounded like dads now with this political chat. Nah, 24 hours!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I agree, like, the problem, it's, it's, everything is, is very inflated. It's such a difficult topic too, and it's so easy to task someone's name or, or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The three P's were sorely missed. Uhm, I can't really eat poutine because of the beef gravy. Uhm, it's too cold for portage and Canada's changed a lot in the last 10 years. People aren't as polite as they used to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just joking. It's not that bad. Well, it's the same as it's always been. It was a nice trip. It was good. Like I said, I hadn't been back for quite some time. The last time I was in Canada was for an overnight stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one night only in Ottawa for a funeral. So I didn't really get to relive any of my childhood. I didn't get to go on any trips down memory lane or anything like that. Is that why you grew up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was a good trip. It was nice. We had like a mini reunion. A whole bunch of dudes that I grew up with made the trip up. A lot of people that I was friends with and still am friends with and grew up with don't live in Ottawa anymore. They've dispersed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, some of them live in Europe, funnily enough. Uhm, and then a lot of them have moved to places like Toronto.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Montreal, which are more exciting than Ottawa. More exciting lives. Yeah. So they've moved, but they came up for the weekend and we had some nice parties and stuff. It was really good. Uh, I saw my parents. I saw my brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We rented a car so I was able to drive around and see stuff that I haven't seen for a long time and park behind schools that I haven't parked behind for a long time and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty good, and uhm. The priorities. Yeah, it was, no, it was, it was, it was a really nice trip. My kids have never been on a long-haul flight before, so that was new and exciting, and they, they liked it. They, they liked watching TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, in the, the, like the little TV that you get the seat in front of you, like on most aircraft nowadays. So they enjoyed that, and uhm, and they were pretty good, you know, considering we were, when we traveled, we, we were awake for sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you get to board the plane earlier than everybody else, cause I guess people just don't like kids and how long it takes people with kids to do stuff, so they let you board earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pretty much, yeah, which you can't actually say in an airport. No, you don't have to say the words, uh, but it's universally acknowledged that that's the case. And going through security lines as well, everybody seems to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've got kids, they just usher you off into like a nice, a nice empty...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, they didn't. They really wanted to. Like every time I was about to go, uhm, my kids would look at me and I could see like the marijuana leaves forming in their eyes and they'd say, dad, where are you going? And I'd be like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, one, one, one, like my, probably like my best friend growing up is a dad. But, uh, and he lives in Montreal now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so he drove down like on the weekend, but he didn't bring his family with him because his whole family were going to be coming down like the next weekend anyway for Easter. So they're like, oh, we don't want to do the trip twice. So he's like, okay, I'll just go by myself, which was fine. Makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could go and party and stuff. It was pretty good. So uhm, but no, none of my other friends have bothered to have kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, when I first moved over here, I thought about it because I was, you know, like when you live somewhere and you're used to the culture and you're used to like how things are and how like, you know, living and accommodation stuff is set up. You move somewhere else and you're like, ah, fuck, I wish I could just go back there. It's easier. I understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a different culture, isn't it? They just do things differently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of, yeaah, so like, it's a little bit different, you know, it can get very intense very quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I have some of those too and anytime I've ever tried to have a barbecue with that set up, it's always...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what kind of dad I am? I'm the shorts all year round kind of dad now. This year, this year especially, I have worn shorts like all year so far. Wow. And track shorts as well, which is even worse. Wow. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once you, once you take away half of the, of the, of the, of the pants and you're, you're with shorts, you kind of get to the point where you're like, maybe I don't even need to wear shorts or underpants either. Like you can see how people like really like just being nude, you know, thousands of years ago. It is very liberating, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the shorts too, I'm sorta, we have to be getting closer to accepting people just walking around fully nude in society, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he was like a fucking shoe salesman. He was like that. It's true life. This is the joy. This is the joy he gets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he doesn't though. That is how discontent works. Everything that used to be nice and fun to you ceases to be because you're so miserable, right? That's how it works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, fucking American TV is still the same when we were over there. Holy shit. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how you find shows to even watch. Like, how do you people know where to f- watch shows? Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over here it's so easy, there's fucking four channels, like, you just, you find something and you put up with it. But over there, there's like a million channels and holy shit, the fucking infomercials are crazy as well. Like they have not changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stuff they advertise is so bizarre too. It's always like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know, like in America, like especially out in the suburbs, people have a lot of disposable income and they're bored I guess and they buy like lots of weird fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and so you just get like these weird commercials where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They boil up the water and they'd have like a fucking like green film forming at the top that they'd have to scrape off the water before they could use it to drink tea and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's before you had like emergency rations and stuff, right? That's what you would have to do. So, you know, maybe just like, uh, eat them and enjoy them and, uh, and not, not take water from no man's land. It is crazy that we expect that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but we're talking about like, you know, like the sort of like quite early 1900s, like are you saying that other countries were like super advanced in the field of dentistry, giving people braces and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, I don't know why, why, why is it just British people who have this, uhm, sort of like street cred for having bad teeth when like probably everybody does realistically have them. But I guess some countries are just like more proactive with like preventing like the crooked teeth through dentistry or whatever. I don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Oh yea, tell me about TwitchCon. I missed it, so I wanna know. This is the European TwitchCon, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he did this like sort of thing where he like, you know, like with his hand, like pointed a gun at me sort of thing, but not like in like a showmanship sort of way. And he's like, uh, my friend knows you so you get these for free. I was like, what? Your friend knows me. So I looked behind him and the guy who was like, you know, making the beaver tails was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you know what's really weird though? Like, as much fun as I had and everything, at points in the trip, I felt like, a little bit, I don't know if you guys have ever had this, okay? Like, cause maybe you guys live closer to where you grew up and stuff. Like, I've, I moved away from where I grew up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so for me, going back after like 10 years or even more in some cases, I always like everybody that I knew that lived there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like I thought, oh well, you know, it'd be funny to see like if it's changed or whatever. It hasn't. It's just the exact fucking same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, for a split second, I thought, maybe I could go in there and see, uhm, Steve. And like, like, like Steve is, Steve's like fucking 40 years old now, I don't even know where he is. But like, you know, in my mind, he's still there. You know, that's the last time I saw him was in that school, so he must still be there, just doing the same old shit, right? But there's no way he is. So like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Part of my trip was like a little bit depressing at times because I'd go, I'd see these places or I'd drive by like, uh, you know, like my friend's like old house or whatever. And it's kind of sad to think that like, I don't know, like my friend and his family used to live there and now they don't. And that's gone forever, right? It's impossible to get that back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels a little bit like it was a different you almost. Yeah, yeah. So like there's times where I'd be driving around or something like looking at like my old neighborhood and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, yeaah, it's really, it was really strange, but like, yeaah, I don't know, I guess like, I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was a weird one. I don't know, like it's probably a combination of being like jet-lagged and tired and stuff too. Like sometimes your mind like not plays tricks on you, but you're not like thinking like how you normally would sort of thing. So maybe I felt like a bit more sort of like, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, my kids, my kids favorite thing that we did the whole time we were there was we went through a drive through at Wendy's and we got chocolate frosties twice and they fucking loved it. I did too. Oh my God. It was amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, I think they just like, uh, are obsessed with chocolate, so like, once like some frosty, chocolatey, um, ice cream thing came into the backseat, they were like, yeah, fuck, this is amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Well what's the point of it though? People just go and meet their favorite streamers, is that it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think like, you know, I think, I think fair enough, you shouldn't be able to smoke like in restaurants, you shouldn't be able to smoke in office buildings and stuff, but I don't know why there's like all these laws now where you can't smoke near a building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it should be a blanket ban. There should be a bar where it's like, this is, this is part of like the things that you can do in our bar. Smoking is one of them. If you don't like it, don't fucking come. You know, go somewhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys ever been in a nightclub where you've either stayed right to the ends and you're literally one of the last people to let out and they turn on all the lights or there's like a fire alarm and they turn on all the lights or whatever? Oh it looks so bad. Oh it's fucking so depressing isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause the lighting is like king, right? Or the lack of, I should say. And like everything is painted black too, right? Because it just, you know, to hide the, you know, cause it's already dark and there's a laser show and smoke and like techno or whatever. You don't want that. You realise the woman you've been dancing with is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you look up and there's always fucking beige ceiling tiles from when you used to be able to smoke in there and they're all stained with the smoke and stuff and oh, it's so fucking depressing. You realize that the stickiness, the floor, it's just like a big wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's not bad considering one of you out of the four streams regularly, so like, that's a pretty good turnout, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before we, uh, before we wrap up, cause I sense a wrap up, uh, is, is imminent. It feels like a wrap up, yeaah. Can we, uhm, can, can, can I get your thoughts on if you've seen, have you guys seen this, this tweet about, uh, un-datable


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Star Wars Man. Oh yeaah, he comes up straight away. Okay, let's see. These are all YouTube ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Okay, now watch the video. Okay. It's like, you don't have to watch the whole thing. Just watch it for like 15 or 20 seconds or whatever. Just like, just to get, to get a sense of what this guy's reaction to this is, sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like I've been put like, I'm torn on the whole thing because I get being like loving something and being passionate about it or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on the other side, I've never reacted to anything like that in my life. Like I've never had, uh, uh, uh, what I would consider a very over the top emotional reaction to something so kind of that doesn't deserve it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. I don't think it's faked. I don't think it's actually faked. And like, so, you know, the whole tweet was sort of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little bit like mean-spirited, cause you kind of feel a bit sorry for the guy, cause like whatever, you know, like he likes Star Wars or whatever, obviously like to react like that, but it is a ridiculous reaction at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's not saying a word, right? I was like, I was just waiting for it. I was like, Oh, I wonder what she's going to say sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she, so she turns around and she's like, is this fucking for real? And I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess so. Like, how do you fake that? Like, he's, you know, he obviously really likes Star Wars or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, it was so funny. Well, just the delivery and everything was just perfect. Oh, god damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a very, like, uh, Eastern, Eastern Canada thing, like Ontario, especially, I think, like, uhm, we used to get, so I used to work at a grocery store and we used to get racks of these bag, bags of milk. They come in, so you get three small bags, which equals to about four liters of milk in like one big bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then, and these things would come in a rack with like, I don't know, 50 of these bags, and you'd have to wheel it all around, and it was so fucking heavy, and you constantly got your hands jammed in between racks because it was impossible to stop them once they gained momentum and stuff. Oh man. Oh god, run away!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. The bags would occasionally split, so these big racks had to be put on these, like, uhm, it was kind of like a draining platform, so like, in case there was a leak in the bag, it's like potentially four liters of milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leaking out of this thing, right? So it had to go on this, it's like a platform with a drain. And every week on a Saturday, if you drew the short straw, you had to clean out like the gutters underneath where the milk bags were. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. If there was spills that week as well, like all this milk would just be underneath these grates just chilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And turning orange and the smell was fucking unbelievable. You had to get these power washers and just like wash it all, unclog the drain and like wash it all down the drain. Fuck me, it was like the worst job. Yeaah. Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could get like this little knife thing to like snip the corner. I dunno, I always just like assume that in North America that was the done thing, but apparently it's not. It's like only certain parts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mother-in-law was saying that over here in, uhm, in Jersey, I don't know if this is the same like in, in England or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys ever get that when you, when you make a cup of tea and it looks like there's like a, like grease spots like on top of the tea? Like you ever see that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or they don't. Maybe they get really angry by it. Like it's their weekly rage out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So once I'd like to do a podcast, okay, and then go onto the subreddit and see a post that has just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 20,000 upvotes and it has some crazy like 15,000 comments and all the comments are just lol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like laugh, like actually people just laughing cause the podcast was so hilarious. It was the funniest podcast and they, and they don't even need to elaborate or anything. Just like, just lol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Guys, I, I, man, I have a lot of things to, to cover from the last, I've had a really busy week for once. Oh yea? Yea. What happened? Tons of shit has happened to me, okay? Okay. Where do you want me to start? Do you want the big news first? The big news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You bought a tortoise? Sperth-eyed Greek tortoise. Sperth-eyed tortoise. He's like two and a half years old. He's about the size of the palm of your hand. He's like really small. He's very active. He likes to run around a lot. He's got a little enclosure. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, he- Oh, spur thigh. Yeah, he likes to, he likes to bask. I got him a little basking light that he- He's a hand size. He's like, he's, he's like really small. He's, he's tiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I took my kids on like a typical dad day, right? My wife was super tired, needed a rest or whatever, so I was like, alright kids, get in the car. So like the one day that dad takes over, you end up coming home with a fucking tortoise. Well I didn't come home with it. There was a lot of like debate and discussion about it, but so I took them out to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, shoes on your feet that don't fit sort of thing. So she's like, okay. So like, let's find another pair that you like instead. She's like, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's like super particular, so it's like kind of, it, you know, it's like you're really like on the knife's edge sometimes, like, like she could just melt down and have like a tantrum sort of thing if things don't quite go her way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, I'm being like, very diplomatic, very careful, like, alright, they don't have these shoes, like, let's, let's pick another pair, I'm sure we'll find a better pair and stuff, and she, she, she's cool with that, she's like, yeah, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we go over and take a look and I'm like, oh, what about these ones? There was like a pair that were very similar to the pink ones, but they were red and they had like purple and pink on them and they were Minnie Mouse as well. She's like, nah, I don't like those. I was like, what? Like they're, they're pretty much, no, no, I don't like those ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, okay. And then she fucking picks up like a pair of Cinderella princess heels for like a, for a three year old. They're like, it looked like something that you'd wear like on the red carpet, like in Hollywood or something, you know, like it was just not, not sportswear. It wasn't like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's not going to be running around like kicking a ball or anything in these things. Like literally they're like shoes that you step out of a limo in and then you take them off when you're sitting at your seat because they're super uncomfortable or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So these are the shoes that she decides she wants. So I was like, going along with it, I was like, there's no way they're going to have her size. So I was like, oh yeah, excuse me. Do you have this size? They're like, yeah, of course we do. Yeah, here, here they are. Oh, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so fucking, so I ended up buying these high heels for my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well listen, I was in your camp, I was in your camp before I was recently converted. These, they never stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not at all, like they are super, super active. It's crazy. He was just tearing around like in his, in his cage yesterday, like all day. He'd eat and the rabbit's like really, really sluggish and tired out. He would just like, he would just keep, he did like 50 laps around his cage and then he had a little sleep and then he woke up again and did quite much the same and then fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I turned off his light at like 8 o'clock, but he'd already sort of gone to bed. So I turned off his like basking light and he needs a UV light as well, cause like it's just like for his skin and bones and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't own a rabbit. No, just the tortoise. Lewis was crowbar-ing in a rabbit for some reason. I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just flat out, he was just like so tired from doing his exercise all day and stuff. And uh, I came in, I came back in like later on in the evening to play some computer games. It was like maybe 10, 11 o'clock at night or whatever. He was fucking just like sleeping. He's just like whatever. Like not, didn't even startle him, nothing. Like he was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then this morning at eight o'clock or whatever, I came in to turn his lights and stuff on because they need like, they need the basking light and they need the UV light like on for like, you know, 12 hours a day or whatever. Uhm, so you turn them on in the morning and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't name him, or did you? Well, because he's too small to tell what sex he is. So, and the kids were like, let's call him Terry the Tortoise. And I was like, alright, yeah, Terry's fine. And then, you know, if it turns out it's not a guy, it's a girl, Terry still works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's already, he's, he's not shy either. He's not camera shy. Like, it was uncanny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'd flip away from the camera, he would, you know, and he didn't have any screen time, he would just go chill in the corner or whatever, and then every time I'd flip back to check on him, he would just come fucking racing out and start doing his tricks and stuff. It was hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He really, yeaah, he's, he's got that, he's got that built in razzle dazzle. He knows when to turn it on and turn it off and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, so it's uhm, so yeaah, the kids love him as well and uh, they can see him from, so this coincides with me, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some, some good news, boys. I quit vaping. I, I've just stopped. I just, I just kicked the habit straight up. I just, last Friday I ran out of juice and I said, no way, I'm not buying anymore. I'm sick of this crap leaking all over the place and having to replace coils and this and that and the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now that Terry's in here as well, I can't start vaping again because I can't subject Terry to like those vapors and stuff too, which means that now I can open my blinds in the garage. I don't have to hide away like some like, you know, secret closet


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a little bit, I was a little bit self-conscious about it, so I was like, you know, I didn't want my kids necessarily like watching me do that either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a personal choice, yeaah. So now, so now I can open the blinds, which means that the kids can actually see Terry from in the house, cause there's like a window that they can go to and look out into the garage and see Terry perfectly from there. They don't necessarily have to like come out every time they want to see him and stuff too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's an internet phenomenon now as well on, on the webcam. So they could. Nice. It's more viewers for my stream, right? I can get the kids to watch my stream on mute of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, so just trying a couple of things, you know, like I thought, you know, if none of this works out, maybe I just play some Fortnite or something. See if I can, you know, maybe, maybe get big off that or like Apex Legends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like an expedition, it was like one of those like British expeditions where they have like a thermos with their tea and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always something really grim when like, uh, in, in history when the British discover like a turtle or something, it's always like, uh, oh yeah, Mr. Captain, the Honorable Captain Henry Ram's Bottom, uh, was mortally wounded at the Battle of Vindaloo and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's all fine and everything, but Terry's only two, and so far he's lived in my garage and the pet shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was handed down to like, uhm, many generations of my, my, my dynasty as well, and then he managed to survive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so listen, so we got Terry, okay, and now everybody's pretty excited. There's a big buzz around the house. Not only that though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is it like a pressure cooker? So even if you don't want to cut up your own potatoes and put like a little tiny bit of oil in to make really delicious chips, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you can just put in oven chips without oil and it'll do them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like using the oil that's already on there perfectly. It tastes like you're, you're having like chips from a cafe. Like it looks like a big fat vape, doesn't it? It's incredible. It's, it's, it's fucking awesome. It's so good. You could do other shit in it too. We've only like, it's only the tip of the iceberg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. We got it just because we wanted to make some chips, but now we're like, holy fuck, we could make so much more with this. We could put in like some meat-free chicken nuggets in there, we could try that. Onion rings, we could make those in there too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah yeaah, cause you know what it does? It like creates an oil mist and sprays it around. So it doesn't need the volume that you'd normally dunk them in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, and also, okay, there's more, guys. I've been so fucking- But there's more! There's more! So the ActiFry is great, man, everybody's loving it, the house is buzzing. We got this ActiFry, we got Terry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sky high. We've never been happier as a family. Like everybody's, everybody's going nuts, okay? But then, okay, for every, for every positive in this world, I truly believe there has to be a negative, right? So, we got Terry, everyone loves him. We got the ActiFry, everyone loves it, makes great chips and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we get these bedside lamps, okay? We like the style of this certain one. This is another thing that I had to pick up on the Saturday when I was out with the kids, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, this is it. So, so I pick up these lamps, I look at them and I'm like, hang on a second, touch dimmable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds great. No more switch or anything, you just touch it anywhere on the metal part of the lamp and it had like three dimming settings so you touch it and it would like come on and then it would be a little bit brighter if you touched it again and then it would be super bright if you touched it again and then if you touched it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It turns off, right? So I'm like, great, that's amazing. So, so we get them. I, I get the, the bulb screwed in everything. It like two seconds of setup. It was perfect. It was, it was great. Plugged it in. Good to go. It looks great. Bedrooms just like looks nice. Now we've got these nice, nice lamps or whatever. Cool. So like I'm a bit of a night owl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, like my wife goes to bed at a reasonable hour, like 10, 11 o'clock at night or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bloodshot eyes, I just had a real, real heavy session of fucking, uh, auto chess, you know, won a couple games, lost a couple, you know how it goes. So, uh, so I get in, I like lock the door, turn off some like, we like, my wife always leaves lights on like downstairs for me to come in and stuff, which is really nice, so I'm turning the lights off and stuff. How is this pitch black? Start walking up the stairs and all of a sudden, bing!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, oh, okay, weird, like I hope everything's okay. So I get to the top of the stairs, go into the bedroom, look in, expecting to see my wife like sitting up, like waiting to say hi or something like that. She's like in a fucking coma. Okay. But the light is on and it just come on. It's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, no response whatsoever, so I was like, alright, fucking, I'll just switch off the light. Man, I go to bed!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seriously, like six or seven more times that night, the fucking light, the bedside light just came on full blast randomly. Like I'd be turning over to like, you know, adjust myself in my sleep and get comfortable or whatever. The fucking light is on. I was like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either our house is haunted by ghosts who switch on these lamps in the middle of the night or there's like some weird radio interference around my house that I was unaware of or something but it seems to only happen at night because I left them plugged in during the day and they never switched on or off during the day randomly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then at night all of a sudden, it's just like a fucking switch on switch off at random.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, okay, listen to this. So I go to get Terry, okay, and I bought like, I had to buy all the lights and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tortoises are expensive, okay? And I don't mind telling you, I spent about £190 on gear for them. Like, it's expensive. You need lights, you need like all this stuff or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 190 pounds, I'm like, alright, cool, you know, the kid's really like and we love him and stuff, he's worth it and stuff, cool. So, the lady charges me 190 pounds, and uhm, I put my pin in, walk away, I didn't even check or anything. Later on that night, my wife is on internet banking and she's like, woah! I was like, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? They could fuck it up in your favor as well, right? They could. Sometimes, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's never happened to me before except for this time, so now I'll be super vigilant, but it's surprising that I was just going to go in and sort it out, but they phoned me before I could even leave the house in the morning. They're like, oh, sir, we're really sorry. We think we overcharged you. I was like, oh shit. Yeah, I know. We noticed I'm like just coming in to do it right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so you're right, oriental is considered to be a derogatory term now, and uhm, I think uhm, Obama signed some legislation to ban the term from being used in federal uhm, stuff, writings and stuff. So there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I struggle to get there on time. I've noticed. Pyrrhus started setting his alarm for 10.05? 10 past 10, because I figure it never starts at 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've done it consistently for months now and you're still surprised every day. I am. And you disturbed the Tribals Podcast last week with an alarm. I was very offended. I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't represent that carrier bag that bad. That carrier bag has got as much respect for us as the turtle. We should treat it equally. So David Attenborough rocks up at the studio in Bristol and he has a pint of milk. A full pint of whole milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is to get him all soft and he goes in there and he apparently does the whole thing in one take.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In like, an hour, they're like, they're like, but say this, and he does it in one take, say this, he's like the most professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a fucking absolute boy. He's a national treasure that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm here in the surrogacy again. And, oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, for those of you who are listening to the podcast, we're doing this live and Steve has set us up with backgrounds reminiscent of our actual, you know, normal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of surroundings. Because it's a bit strange not having your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comfy, natural surroundings, you know, the dad garage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's your like routine for normal Triforce podcast recording, right? Do you have a cup? Do you have a cup of tea with you? Do you have like anything supplied?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at all of the tiny animals crawling across his keyboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a cheetah on the side of a pack of Cheetos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bit of congealed Cheeto cheese. There is a tiger on the side of this box of Frosties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit, all these fucking other stuff as well, like, there's, there's, what about Coco Monkey, the Coco Pops character? I mean, Jesus, was he, was anyone to him? He's like a ottery kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm like, grooming themselves and stuff. I've seen, I've seen that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, oh, okay, it's just taking it one step too far, isn't it? Don't you know what I mean? Like, I'm okay with the fursuit, but I'm not really okay with them wearing nappies in the fursuit as well. That's another level of disgusting and it's too much for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, how, how much worse can it be? You know, like, yeah, like I mean, already like wearing a nappy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a fursuit, it's already to me like getting into a multiple, it's crossing over into like that baby fetish, you know, where you're like dressing up as a baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too much. I mean, I don't want to hear diapers, pooping, and boners in the same sentence. And I feel like it's too, it's too far. It's just too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we don't agree with what those guys are doing on the other side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is beneficial. It's like having computer geeks in the same building. You know, they help fix our PCs, but we don't let them anywhere near the content. You know, they're not allowed anywhere near the YouTube channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, fortunately, the second biggest stream on Twitch right now just so happens to be that exact poopy, poop Mr. Poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's have a reboot. Okay, new conversation topic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm thinking about ASMR. Neither of you are using, uh, wearing an ugly Christmas jumper. Why is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's not that you have a version to Ugly Christmas Jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're streaming like 12 hours a day. What could you do? It's like, you know, you haven't got time to go and get a haircut. It's tough. It's like... It's true, yeaah. There's no time to get a haircut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should just, we should just set someone, you should have someone come around and haircut you live. Do you know what I mean? And like, green me green, like give you a shave and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same thing. You were sat there, you're waiting, listening. Why didn't you just tell them I've heard this story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. So I mean, when was the last time you went for it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So d-d-d-do you ever think about toupees? Because they're the new thing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But hang on, let's just think about it. I don't expect you to go, like, full young person here. I mean, surely you should have, like, middle-aged man here, like, you know, balding a bit. Why would you do that? I think you should go from just, just, just completely bald to nearly bald.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So YouTube Rewind is their idea of the greatest hits of YouTube over the last year. It's almost like, imagine, you know, you make a channel trailer, if YouTube made a YouTube trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be like all the cool stuff that's happened, all the funniest best moments on YouTube. Right, is it absolutely hilarious? No, it's trash. I'm probably saying it's terrible. But they usually, I think it's bespoke, I don't think it's like clips of stuff that's happened, I think it's like originally made. So they get all the big creators, they pay them about a hundred grand each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they get them to like record some garbage for like 10 seconds and they clip it all together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that could have been in there, no? Well, I mean, it's not a Twitch rewind, is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so what we're looking at here is a kind of, if Pyram was like a hillbilly,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see, right, so it's literally sewn on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Elvis, are you talking just a little bit about greasy, like the Fonz kind of- Yeaah, like Ross- Like Ross from- Leather jacket. Like Ross Geller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like, you've got to be careful. You certainly don't want to wear any hats, because the Himmler thing is a big deal, you know. You know, you don't want to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the biggest people for a start. PewDiePie I'd guess. PewDiePie wasn't in it, neither was Logan Paul or Shane Dawson. Are they big deals?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's, yeah, I dunno, like, it's a different audience though, right? This is a whole, it's like, do you know what I mean? This is like the equivalent of neighbors, or EastEnders, right? Where we don't, we're not interested, but a lot of people like it. Okay? We don't have to be involved in this crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's a different side of the YouTube and I don't think we should be mad about people enjoying that crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It starts off with Will Smith. Why is Will Smith doing that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think any of those YouTubers got to meet Will Smith. I don't think so. I think they paid Will Smith hundreds of thousands of pounds to be in the first 15 seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey everyone, I'm Will Smith. I've got nothing to do with YouTube, but my son sometimes looks at it on his iPhone. Uhm, and I sure do like money!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's got a YouTube channel that's like 20 million subs because of just how big he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now! Go! It's just, it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Open it up. This is what we are, this is what the internet is now. It's just live streaming Baby Shark 24-7. Would you, if you were a furry...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a thing, they're a real thing. Scalies, look it up. They're like furries, but they dress up as like living stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's other ones too. There's like, um, featheries, I think of people who dress up as like birds or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, that is, that was the first, was that just automatic filling in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's, this is terrifying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what shocks- Trump's head does look a bit like a sort of sea creature. It looks like a animal, doesn't it? A little. Bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As an animal, okay, and they really believe strongly that they were an animal, okay. Surely it could just apply to anything at that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are we looking up feathery? Because I think featheries are, I don't know, there was another thing, isn't there, if you're interested in being a bird or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a live channel right now playing that non-stop and you can just tune it right the fuck in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like how people just want to fill like niches, okay, so for example a new livestream platform will go and someone will just throw up on there an automatic like thing, they've got like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, do you see, people are filling those gaps though, right? Because some people do want to watch that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see what's up. Super simple songs, Little Snowflake. It might be copywritten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snowflake! It just goes- it fucking never stops. Oh my god. You managed to last literally less than two seconds. Yeah, that's enough. It just fucking- It just triggers me so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this, is this a problem with like, is this, do you think this is why some parents just go mad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, uhm, I'm just saying, like, I don't know whether it's the same with Trump, because I think he doesn't do fuck all, but uhm, from what I've read on Reddit, oh, Trump has taken less hours and played more golf than any other president. Than any other man in history. But maybe he needs it, maybe it's too much, maybe it's too much to do, you know, maybe


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just give one to Trump, just why not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all have nothing left to say. Okay, let's find a new conversation topic and then we'll launch into that as if it were just natural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you have to say that, that thing as you've said before, because if you don't say that, you don't acknowledge that you've said it before, and you make it, and then everyone's like, you've said this before, and they make it sound like you have. We're all, we're so well trained.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well actually, we only recorded the last of them for 50 minutes and I said to Tom, dude, you need to cut this down because it was full of crap. And it ended up being like 48 minutes or something. That's because Tom knows gold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This will be, this will be completely different now. Everyone will be bored about the Sentinelese or whatever. What happened to that? See, that didn't get carried on. You know, no one's heard from them lately, have they? They haven't been kicking up in the news. Any fuss?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I heard this morning, I heard that a British tourist was killed, murdered in New Zealand. Well, they haven't done the body though, right? The Prime Minister of New Zealand apologized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] North Korea, they don't need tourism. They're doing just fine without it. Aren't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not for Pickering Pickerels. We all have change. Positive change. Brexit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of the, uh, Somerset Pickerel. The little pissington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the walled. Yes. Very fricking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really interesting. I watched a thing about like Korea and how they've like geared up to like create viral stuff like that, right? Like they've built their culture as sort of an export thing. So whereas New Zealanders are like, okay, let's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a special guest, Will Smith is here, we've paid him $100,000, uh, he'll do anything for money, so he's coming in and he's just gonna fucking be here for 5 seconds and then he's gonna leave, just to try and get sub, cause the only way YouTube is gonna promote our video is if we have a legitimized pro celeb-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like an Indian channel, and basically I think the way it works, I don't know, citation needed, is that when you sign up to a new account in India, it pops up, would you like to subscribe to these channels automatically? And if you press okay, it puts you in. And I think at one point on YouTube, they had that in Europe as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you made a new YouTube account, it gave you like this list of recommended channels. It might still do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can auto sign up to these ones. G-Series I think is an auto sign up in India.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as a result, it's gonna, it's rapidly approaching to be bigger than PewDiePie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nickelback is possibly the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just like Twitch chat though, d'you know what I mean? I think, I feel like even if Twitch chat wanted to see Nickelback, they would still fuckin' go bot. Yea, that was Twitch chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rock, rock, rock and roll band members. Well, it doesn't hurt, but it's different. You know, if you like someone's music, it doesn't mean you like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chat agrees. So I mean, when you'll get to like David Attenborough's age, you're going to be like 90. Do you reckon you'll be able to like bash out an entire 12 hour stream in like an hour with a pint of milk? Cause I mean, it's like, rather than doing like taking ages cause you're an amateur now, right? But after 60 years of doing this more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, pasteurized. Thank- Wow, that was the one you needed to explain. See, this is normally where we-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. That's right, coming at you live from, from Yogg Towers where it's pouring with rain. It's like 10 degrees outside in like the middle of June.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the thing is, what they say is that, or obviously you've got a tank in your loft, right? Or have you not got that with like some cold water in it? No, no. No tank. Nothing like that. Once that's gone, it's gone. We have no tank. We just have cold water made. Alright, so you're actually just, everything


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought there was like a, like a system in houses where it stored a small amount. They call it your septic tank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently this was all real and stuff, you know, like, some of the most ridiculous things from the show are like, actually have a lot of evidence, or like, they were in the book that this, uhm, there was a book that was written, I think, called, like, Voices of Chernobyl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, talking a bit about this, this is a good topic because I sometimes get this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for example, right, like uhm. What do you mean exposed? Well, the other day I went to get a delivery, okay, from the street. Right. And obviously I walked out of my place and didn't bring my wallet, keys, and actually I didn't even bring my phone, okay, and I was down outside and I was like there holding the sort of front door open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that, that, you know how, like, anyway, long story short, I got locked out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I've done it before. I had to like, ring random numbers till they let me back in and I felt really stupid. It's happened before, uh, and it will probably happen again. And luckily someone answered, you know, and was like, look, I'm not in that case, I'm sorry. Cause I think the last time it happened it was on Halloween. Um, and I was like, ringing people, I was like, sorry, I've done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think your politeness overrules a lot of your, like, anxieties around that stuff. But I mean, sometimes, like, you know, sometimes, for example,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were confronted by like the vulnerability, uh, that you're, that you're in, you know, a bit like with the electricity or the power or the internet or like, you know, there's a lot of things that can


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can kind of, that we rely on and we just totally take for granted. Hmm. Makes me scared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Which is obviously like a big, a big, a big event that I've been to quite a few times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is, cause I remember at BlizzCon, you know, we had the crowd kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know though, because I always thought those conferences were packed full of journalists, you know, but I'm beginning to think that there must be some shills in there. There must be. There can't be. And they must just be there to rile up the crowd and to make the crowd more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, I dunno, like, like, I think it's a lot of, I like, I like seeing that real, actual, if it is real, raw emotion and passion, cause it makes me jealous in a way that I'm not as excited as I was when I was a kid, you know, like when you're a kid and you're excited about new things coming out, it's like, oh my.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disappointments and, you know, reality. I don't want to say this, like, really, but what are you guys actually genuinely excited for? Like, what are you excited for? Like, with your significant other? Like, what are you anticipating?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm jealous, right? I, I, I want to be that guy who is passionate about Star Wars. I want to be on holiday. I want to be in Portugal. I want to be excited about stuff. I, I just feel like I need more. It's nothing really on my radar at the moment, which I'm like, I'm really anticipating this thing. Yeah, but we're older now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's like, so I heard you were, heard you were on a stag do, uh, in Spanish beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so old fashioned, sorry. Sorry to interrupt anyway. Yes, thank you everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a hangover from being a kid, you know, and having a special day all for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think it depends on first of all you, where you grew up, because I think in different parts of Britain people don't have these things. I never had cauliflower cheese really as a kid or growing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think needs to be added? I mean where's the cup of builder's tea? That surely is up there at gold tier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is like, it definitely does depend. Like I grew up in a little village and we had a little chip shop called Wong's Fish Bar. It was like a little Chinese chip shop. And they always, they sell chips, savalois, um, and some bits of fried fish, like pork balls and prawn balls and chicken chow mein. Chicken chow mein. The regular stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could order all the regular stuff, right? It was not Chinese at all, really. It was very anglicized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they like having their own business. I also think that often people actually find that these shops have been run for like 50, 30, 40 years now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to adapt to the tastes of the local people, you know. If you went and set up a fucking, you know, restaurant in, you know, uhm, that Chinese place that you went to with a hot pot and they love their spicy food, you can't fucking serve bland shit there, can you? You're telling me Greggs wouldn't go down a storm and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you think you got a problem, he's, you know, having mice, he's got snakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you've got like dependents, you know, they lead you to give them leaflets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, thanks everybody. Uh, that's the Shrivels Podcast, 9.5. On your dial. We'll have to end it here. Patreon, thank you. Uh, we'll see you next week. Peace!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm looking at a picture of Molly Ringwald, um, gives me good, good energy in the morning. Amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you, she wears a pink jumper in the breakfast club and ever since I saw the movie many years ago, I've been in love with women in pink jumpers, especially if they're fluffy and they're low cut. Right. I'm not trying to be creepy, I'm just pointing it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also got a lot of lol comments at your request, which I thought was good to see people listening. What may be, what interested me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people say that this always warms the cockles of my old heart. This old man's heart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It always makes me laugh when they have those hunk calendars and they'll always be like your firefighters and your policemen and your army dude and all the rest of it and then some dude holding a baby and I'm thinking this is clearly women who haven't got kids buying that calendar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cuz if there's one thing not sexy, it's a fucking baby. Cuz you see the baby, you think, oh god, it's gonna start crying, it's gonna interrupt us halfway through, it's gonna be a disaster, there's no way having a baby in the frame at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, uh, I was watching a documentary on Netflix, uh, I got partly through it and then I had to stop watching because it was so nuts. It's called Abducted in Plain Sight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is very different. This is very different in that they know the guy, he befriends them, abducts their daughter and takes her to Mexico where he marries her and she's, she's 12. And he then calls up and says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't come back because I'll be arrested. They get him in Mexico, they bring him back to the US, and the parents are like, well, we don't want to press charges.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also had a small bit of bad news this week, which you may have seen on Reddit. I don't know. It was the top thread on our Dota. I calibrated. My party MMR for Dota calibrated and it is embarrassingly low. What do you think? How? What do you mean how?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just, it didn't occur to me that these were calibration matches. It really didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm playing with any lads I can find in the morning when I'm streaming, and let me tell you something, I play with some utter shitters. Absolutely dreadful players, I'm not blaming them, alright, they're trying their best, I'm trying my best, apparently I'm not good enough to carry their ass, fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bless them, they're just not good at video games. Yeah, it's pretty funny. So the games are hilarious, I have a great time. But of course, the thread on Reddit was covered in people saying, this is why you shouldn't be invited to events. And I was like, damn, wow. That's harsh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went in to my kids school yesterday and I helped them cook. They have cooking classes on a Wednesday and me and another parent went in. We had to take a group of six kids to the school kitchen. I had to prepare a recipe. I had to get all the ingredients together, show them how to cook it. They cooked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was great. It was honestly, it was great fun. Uh, and I would urge any parents out there who had the chance to go in and help out at your school. Cause seeing the kids in that environment, it's very different. And you learn a lot from the way the teachers talk to them. They have all these little rituals and routines. Like if the teacher has something important to say, she claps three times. And all the other kids have to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I listen to a whole bunch of stuff. I listen to a lot of albums, a lot of new albums, and there is some amazing music out there, and it depresses me when people say, oh, they don't make good music anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's so wrong. And people saying music was better in the past is the stupidest fucking statement. And it pisses me off when I hear people say it. Cause they're like, oh it's all rubbish on the radio now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the stuff that stood the test of time and is still around. But you're ignoring 99% of the stuff that went out. Watch Top Of The Pops to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which they show again on like UK Gold or whatever, they rerun Top of the Pop sometimes, from like 1983. You look at that Top 40, and you fucking tell me music was better in the 80s, cause there is a whole river of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we've just forgotten most of it, and we're just listening to the good stuff. So shut the fuck up. Sorry, next topic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can say, Alexa, wake me up to brackets song name by brackets artist at brackets time. So you could say, Alexa, wake me up to wake me up before you go go by Wham at 8 a.m.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys. There's a bit of drama going on in my back garden right now. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, they're all there. All the tits. All the tits are back there. Nice. We get a big bag of birdseed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in tr- classical triforce style, I have of course told this story before. Get a huge bag of birdseed, feed the birds, alright? I've got like a table, with a little hoose on top, like a gazebo, I've talked about it, they can go and feed in there. Got a little hanger for the wee birds, and it's great, I put peanuts out and everything. There are some squirrels,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, they come in, when they're eating, the birds all wait. The squirrel fucks off when he's full. This squirrel is the fattest fucking squirrel you've ever seen, by the way. He's been eating seeds and nuts all fucking winter. At my, on my dime, but I'm doing it, cause you gotta support local wildlife, okay? This motherfucker next door, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, Net subsequently now bought a bird table. I can see it from my office window. And the birds are eaten from his fucking table. Alright, I'm livid. I'm furious. This is like competition. Alright, now his bird table brings all the birds to the yard. What about mine? Mine's, there's a couple of fucking pigeons staring at it. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got a very big, very fancy bird table. I'm gonna have to go bigger, and I'm gonna have to get a squirrel-proof one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if I squirrel proof it, that'll do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I figured all the birds that go and eat there will die. And all the ones that don't, it's like evolved forced behavioral evolution. The ones that don't go to his garden will come to mine. But then I figured like, you know, that's kind of the opposite of my mission of saving local birds, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you gotta help the wildlife, the insect wildlife, cause it's gonna be dead in a hundred years. I read that article.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Presumably you've got time on your hands because you're a murderer. Most murderers don't have busy days. You know, that's how they fell into this lark in the first place. I'm thinking, couldn't you just get all the skin off, get all the bones in a pile and just smush them up with a hammer? Especially the teeth. You know what I mean? I just don't see it as being beyond the ken of man to dispose of a body. It must be possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More trusting of each other, but we're not, we're less. We are far less trusting. I think you're exactly right. Because if you think about it, you can say you're an expert, right? You can say, I've studied this for 25 years, I'm an expert, this is the case. And people will say, oh yeah, what's in it for you? I don't believe this guy, I'm gonna believe a meme I saw on Facebook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this fucking anti-vaccine thing going around, right? This is getting a real, there's a political party in Italy that is about anti-vax, that is an anti-vax party. Right. Alright? That's a fucking issue. Like you're literally turning back one of the greatest advances in science in terms of saving people's lives. People have forgotten how bad infant mortality rates were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even 150, 200 years ago, if you go to any cemetery, you will see so many graves, which are like family graves. It's like the mum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dad, like 8 kids are buried there and most of those kids died before the age of 10. It's so grim. It's super, super grim. And that's been wiped out and now people are saying, oh no, it's poisonous. And there is no science behind it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can't let them do it because they are then bringing back things like measles in a big fucking way. There are now measles outbreaks where kids are dying or losing their sight because of some idiot, saw some shit on Facebook and believed this. So people believe, people will believe the wrong people and they'll ignore all fucking sense. It's disgraceful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you've got all these problems, people don't trust anybody, the news never shuts the fuck up, it's on all the fucking time, and people get weary of important topics real fucking fast. And they go, oh I'm fucking sick of it, just get on with it. And that's what they, that's what they want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Mrs. F the other day, bless her, she said, oh I'm sick of hearing about Brexit, just whatever's gonna happen, just get on with it. It's like someone telling you for two years, we're gonna have to pull your tooth out with that anaesthetic, it's gonna really hurt, we're gonna have to pull, and every five minutes they're telling you, just like, just fucking get it over with, just yank the tooth out, I don't care anymore, that's where we're at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are just sick to death of hearing about all the problems and the news because it's on five fucking times an hour. It's by design though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be watching the US office. I guess I'd never watched it all the way through when I watched it before. And I've just, it's all on Amazon prime and I've just had it playing in the background while I've been playing, um, path of exile and some other games. And man, it's like, I don't know, like it's just a great, it's a great show. Sometimes it, it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously some of it's incredibly awkward, right? But it doesn't necessarily fall into the trap of being just a bit of a downer sometimes. Like sometimes some shows kind of deliberately, you see things get worse and worse and worse and then they're just like, how much worse can we make this? You know, whereas I feel like the office like holds back, you know, before things get too bad, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a very different show, uh, uh, completely different and, and in good ways though, right? Like, like I read a big thing about how they changed the, cause the first couple of seasons of The Obvious US are quite not similar, but like, like not as different from the UK one, you know, and then they quite quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a time when the UK office was like, oh, it was the good one and the US office was the bad one. And then I think very quickly that that switched over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's similar, everyone has an idea, like everyone went to school and everyone has probably worked in some sort of office at some point and kind of knows, or at least knows people who are like those people in the office. I mean the people in the office are obviously very exaggerated versions, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you, you kind of see these people just out and about in, in real life. You know, you see like a, a happy Stanley, like, you know, laughing in a queue or you see like a kind of, you know, angry, like, um, Meredith type woman, like, you know, shouting with her


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's very much mundane office stuff, like people, like them arguing about cakes and, you know, birthdays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I even like, I know people who are Americans who are a little bit like Dwight Shrew, i.e. they kind of...


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[Assistant] I don't know, they're not preppers necessarily, but you know what I mean, they're a little bit off the grid, they're a little bit independent, like the American dream. Eccentric, yea. You know, like they, they kind of have these weird views that are, that they seem to just be very. He's a bit of a neck beard, crossed with a prepper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Yeaah, like, I don't know, like, Dwight is obviously an amazing character, yeaah, and I really like the actor actually as well, um, Rainn Wilson? Rainn Wilson. Who, he did, like, I think it was quite a short-lived detective show.


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[Assistant] He was kind of like a funny guy that they laughed at mostly originally. I mean, I think I ended up laughing with him, but a lot of the time he was like just, oh, I'm eating pizza. Uhm, guys, I ate it all. Sorry guys.


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[Assistant] Right. Yeah, like there's plenty of male roles all the way up. Like Keanu's never really, if anything, got more roles. He's more action roles!


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[Assistant] And, um, shit, you see it all the fucking time with other people too.


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[Assistant] It's been on for like seven years, so. Yeah, I know, well it's good.


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[Assistant] But sometimes, sometimes you think, like, whatever happened to this actor or actress, and then you realise, oh shit, they actually did this fucking show forever, and they just got trapped in that show. I imagine, like, when Patrick Stewart was doing Star Trek The Next Generation for like 10 or 15 years, you know, he was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause doing a TV show with that many episodes, you know, it must just be, just suck up all of your time.


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[Assistant] I remember as a kid, um, as like a six or seven year old kid, my mum would, uh, we, my mum was, my mum was a biochemist. So she, for some reason she liked watching Casualty. That was the only soap we really watched.


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[Assistant] So I always used to watch casualty and I remember fucking Charlie being in it as the character. I think it's not like a really very adult show, you know, there's usually a little bit of someone being sick occasionally or something like that. It's crap. Casualty's crap.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I think maybe she was like rubbing like, eczema cream into my scalp or something. Yeaah, yeaah, I just always imagine like- I was a very healthy child, you know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and uh, the braces, the trouser braces, whatever they're called. Oh yeah, yeah. Suspenders. Suspenders, yeah. So get this, get this right.


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[Assistant] So happy days, all I remember about happy days was that it was before my time, it was an American sitcom about people


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[Assistant] Didn't Dave Chappelle do something? Didn't, wasn't he like, I'm sure I read that he was in like an episode of Home Improvement or something and he fucking had his own spin-off show for like a season but it was just total garbage. Did I dream that?


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[Assistant] I can imagine how that buddies thing works, you know, cause we had a very similar situation where, you know, we wanted, we were going to look at making our own.


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[Assistant] He did like, uh, an episode of The Simpsons, uh, in 1992. It's like, oh my god, really? And it was, yeaah, that's quite an accolade. Yeaah, it wasn't, it wasn't a kind of low IMDB rating, but uh, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Like, what are we, what are we working with here? You know, a guy who wrote, his filmography is a Sonic the Hedgehog animation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This isn't really the right, can you imagine like, you know, Dave Chappelle doing a Chappelle show and the production company are like, yeah, we got a great script, got a great script from this guy, he's got a huge, huge filmography, famous, famous stuff. He did The Naughty Professor, uh, uh, what?


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, exactly P-Flex, like that kind of.


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[Assistant] It's definitely, it's definitely coming back around to the whole office sort of scenario really of just these kind of everyday life experiences that everyone is, is familiar with in some way or at least relatable. You know, it's that, it's that real life, like tangible, reachable comedy that


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[Assistant] I do feel like maybe, like, I don't know whether people are watching my, like, my, my brain or whatever, but I was, I was, I was fed like, um, it's like, um,


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[Assistant] Tom Clancy's, uh, Jack Ryan. Obviously, um, that's got bloody, uh, Jim from The Office in it. Yeah. And I've also, cause I saw him in The Quiet Place as well. Yeah. I thought that was good. Yeah, that was good.


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[Assistant] I talked about this a little bit before with Duncan, but basically I think it's like super good marketing. You know, she's not selling the bath water, she's selling other stuff. She's selling the Patreons, she's selling herself, like she's selling like, you know, her brand.


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[Assistant] It is just a masterclass in how to make, like, a modern, like, nerd icon. Do you know what I mean? For people on the internet who love anime.


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[Assistant] It's a masterclass, honestly. She's like following all the memes and trends and stuff, like all of the ahagow and all that stuff. Have you seen this? It's like, oh, if you haven't, then just Google it up. It's just, you'll find it.


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[Assistant] She's basically a real life anime, but I mean she's got like really good camera stuff like this. I think she has a photographer. This is way too lewd. Like some guy, what?


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[Assistant] From Belle Delphine to Magic the Gathering. This is the, this is the Triforce Potion. I wanted to change


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[Assistant] So I don't think, I don't think there's any actual nudes. I think she's never released a nude or a nipple or anything.


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[Assistant] I mean, she's already absolutely massive, but I think like, you know, I think it's only going to get bigger, I think. That's crazy.


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[Assistant] And also I think that you, there's a thing people do is when they...


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[Assistant] They see like, uh, a popular person, you've seen this, um, do, doing like a pose, like, like Belle Dauphine in her bath, right? Boring water on herself. You need to take that same picture from the same angle in your bath.


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[Assistant] Okay. Do you know what I mean? Okay. Like you need to try and, you need to see what she's doing and just copy it. You know, she's like leaning over with her sexy underwear. You're like picking up a child's toy.


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[Assistant] It's like, you understand, like, why you've had to take a selfie, but it's like, it's basically, it looks like those old people posts where you've been confronted with a thing which says, we now need to take a picture of you to get to this next stage. And so you just literally press the button, not really realizing that it's taken a picture of you. And then that's what you've uploaded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 7,000 followers. Wow. On your three bird shit covered pictures.