[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so inappropriate. And I would have to like, my dad, and I'd be like, dad, can you put a bathing suit on? And he'd be like, no. And I'm like, but my friends are coming over. And he's like, okay, well tell me when they're here and then I'll put on my bathing suit. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, and he, it wasn't like he had a boner or anything. It was just flopping and I just was like, I don't want to see it. So I had to tell my mom to tell him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, could you please cover your genitals in front of our little girl, and then eat it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He needed to, because he didn't want tan lines. He wanted the complete tan, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get extra dark. So insane. Your mom was a big tanner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, my dad too had big chunks of his nose removed and it's such a bummer cause a tan really does look good. It looks great. It looks so healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. So cool. I'll try it. I'll try it. You wanna do it with me? Sure, I'll try it. Cool. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they start you off gradual cause the lady when I called in, she was like, well, we're gonna, we're gonna start you off kind of slow and then like you progress. But I don't want to look orange or too fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've publicly shamed people not to usually say this stuff out loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember my dad saying, like, every dude, this was like normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to that same effect, like, the dudes will be like, you guys are so fucking retarded. Yeah, yeah. He has no feelings. No, yeah, everybody, everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Babe, I like his intense sunglasses. It really makes you look like you're going fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without Nadav, we've, uh, gone through different emotions and stuff. Uhm, it is sad, but I have to say on the bright side, Annie got a pretty great desk out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, might I compliment you any? Your desk is way cleaner and better than Nadav's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be cool. Hey, can I tell you, I had the most fucking retarded Piszczyński effect this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, you're gonna, I mean, you know, you know, I'm such a fucking idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't wash my hair every single day, okay? So what I do is I'll put my hair


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a ponytail, and then get under the water and then my hair, the tips will get wet, or I will shower like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that my hair doesn't get wet, right? Like that. And then I was watching TikTok and this girl goes, I put on a shower cap and my hair doesn't get wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin... Bro, you can- Did you realize- It's hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just didn't know they, I didn't know you could, like my mother nagged me to. And then there was a free one in the hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really bad. You know, okay, I was, you know how like, sometimes in the airport, you'll see a black lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she'll wear like a shower cap, what I don't know, right? Over to cover the hair. Why do they do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they haven't had a chance to have their hair done, so they're covering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I thought that, oh, but, but shower caps are only for black women in the airports. Not for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I did. I did. I swear to God. Or I was like, this isn't for me. This is for, like, this is for other people. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Babe, you've known me for 20 years, have you ever seen me use-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That because of the lack of the shower cap and I would put my hair in a ponytail and do this, whenever there's a rain shower in a hotel,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I could use the rain shower every other day if we had one. But I cannot use it, like, if I'm in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I have to wash it and then dry it, and then I style it, it's a whole thing, man. It's a whole fucking thing, and you want your oils in your hair, it's good for your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll make sure to share all my dumb stuff, all my dumb thoughts with you, you got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I want to hear Eni's cap report now that we're talking about crazy thoughts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're afraid of us and that's why they're, they pretend to be your best friend and their food source is also you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, in fact, slavery, we're so anti-slavery, it's in our DNA. Like, we're such good people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa, my dad was such a bad slave owner that he wouldn't even let our slave sleep inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's like, you have to let the dog in, he's going to die. And then my dad would also like use the hose to wash it. It looks cold. She's like, you have to put it in a bath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And leave Elvis in the backyard. With just a bag full of food. I swear to god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he's like, oh, come check on Elvis every few days, my mom and I. And we would come and check on him and he'd be in the backyard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alive? This begs the question, why my mother?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's how slave owners used to see their property too. They want people to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you burn your last piece of toast? Did your avocados go bad? Or is the hot sauce bottle empty? Try grocery delivery from DoorDash. You'll get everything you want delivered when you need it right to your door. You've trusted DoorDash to deliver your restaurant favorites and now you can get grocery delivery that actually delivers too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll get exactly what you ordered or will make it right. So sit back and enjoy quality groceries just like you pick them yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With easy substitutions right in the app at best in class customer support, DoorDash delivers groceries exactly how you want it. Get 50% off your first DoorDash order up to a $20 value when you use code MOMFALL at checkout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Limited time offer, terms of play. That's 50% off, up to $20, no minimum subtotal, and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code MOMFAULT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget, that's code MOMFALL for 50% off your first order with DoorDash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm talking about? You suck a duck, suck a dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is exactly what my stepdad sounded like by the way. Same vibe. Can you find it? This is 100% my stepdad. Fuck you suck a dick. This is his accent too. You think this guy's Indian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because this is every day. Because these guys say this stuff enough to people that it's no big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I swear, like, why is that? That would insult people constantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suck my dick, suck the dick, fuck you. They're always fighting with people. This could be like an everyday thing, man. Dude, maybe that's an Indian thing. Are you Indian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, like, my fucking step-family, my step-dad would talk some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it was another Indian guy, that guy talks me shit. I feel like this is a cultural thing. Really? He talks me shit. That's why he's so fucking calm. He does it every day. You suck my dick. No, you suck my dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, can you replay the whole argument? I feel like I'm missing pieces of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, this is an Indian thing. Same vibe. It's the same fucking, same shit different toilet as they say. This must be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck your mother a thousand times. It's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all these fuckenling. Kakistani.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, my Indian stepdad was born in Pakistan and then he spoke that and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, turns out I texted my stepsister and he started his life in Pakistan, but then because of the war or whatever, his family moved to India.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Canadian by birth, American by the grace of God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I, this is so true and it got me thinking about, I know you probably already saw Taylor Swift live a few times. I never saw Taylor Swift live. You know you're not a huge fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did Prince change his name to a symbol? Was that because like, so they couldn't write about him in the media? Or was that a thing with his record company?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't stop thinking about how soft that guy's hands look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like looking at her, I think her body's nice, I'm not aff- like it doesn't feel awful, but I- that guy was just awful, and he was so rough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like, it's, and it's also tacky to kiss and tell. Yeah, definitely. And like, why the fuck, you really think Barack doesn't have people sign NDAs and shit up the ass? You know what I'm saying? Like, even if he is a homo, he's like, bitch, sign this before you suck my dick and let's smoke some blow. Like, he's not stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, and also Tucker's got really good hair. Does everybody notice that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's an Instagram account where you can penpal an inmate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you don't have a friend on the outside giving you money, you're fucked. Or can you add to your own JPay account? Can you earn money in prison and then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we're talking about is because I saw a TikTok where this lady's like, if you're going to prison, you need a skill. And like drawing is apparently a really good skill to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's cute though, yeaah. Look, Danny's got a smile on his face. You're feeling her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dimitri is an entry-level criminal. He's fucking with cars, maybe trying to steal some cars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I disagree, Tom. First of all, I think this is actually, in terms of face art, pretty interesting, pretty good, better than most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well like, also, did you know there's a trend now where straight people are calling their spouses partner? So like, a partner, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but now you call them partners, so I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about. Is his partner a guy or a girl? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please, please wait again. I have to, I, so I found this on TikTok and I watched this clip about 50 fucking times and every time it made me L's, LOL's, LOL's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is what I eat in a day as a fat person, not on a diet. So there's a bunch of fatso's out there and then they record everything they eat in a day. It's fucking fascinating. It's so much like this one girl I follow, it starts, it's always crap food too. It's, it's never just like, Oh, I made fettuccine and I ate a whole bowl. It's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go to Starbucks and I get two orders of the egg bites, right? So the Gouillere and bacon, not just two, so they're eating four of those fucking things. Now it's already a thousand calories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I have ramen noodles for lunch. And then I drink three diet cokes. And then I have candy. And then I have two bagels with cream cheese. And then for dinner it's a pork chop. And you're like, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bagel with cream cheese, that's, so that's already. A London fog, I don't even know what that is. Then ramen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bowl of broth, for me, if I ate half of what this woman is eating in a day, I'm already fucking fat. She likes being fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but, but white guy magic I don't believe in. I think we do magic more. It's just some fucking guy with a pentagram necklace. I just know this motherfucker muster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they, you know what they do? They mind their own business and they're just doing their thing and they, they're kind of just indifferent to people, passersby. They don't try to like, hey, come here. They don't. They're like, if you want to go, not, they're cool, they're nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a fun trip, you guys. We went everywhere today. Yep. We found out, well, we found out a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you know, Hungary outlawed the study of. Yeah, gender studies. And gays can't have kids now, I think in Hungary. Can't adopt or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boopity beep boo saw the luxury mattress. I just had a friend stay the night at my house and they slept on the luxury firm king size and they said to me, Christina,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check it out. She said we're looking for a king-size mattress. I said you got to do sod food. Did you like what you slept on as a guest? Then just buy the dang thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what you can do is go to Saatva.com the shit right now to get $200 off your next Saatva.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Juicy, big, fat, king-sized mattress for a fraction of the cost. Why? Safa doesn't have ridiculous overheads. They don't have a showroom. They don't have to pay some sales guy to fool you into buying something you don't want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Saatva's product is so good. It's made right here in the US of A. They do a 90 day in-home trial. Let's say you don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Send it right back. Sotfa.com slash the shit for $200 off right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you are. Can I say something? You know what I decided? Is that I'm gonna prioritize sleep over everything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, okay, let's say I set my alarm and they're like, you gotta wake up and do things early. And I'm like, yeah, but then I'm tired all day. So what if I've worked out early? Now my whole day is a wreck. I wrecked. Your immune system goes down. Everything goes down. I went to bed a little too late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's very funny. I mean, I think her timing is impeccable. Her point of view, you're like, oh my gosh, you're so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we tell them what we did for her birthday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was thrilled, and she was like, oh my god, I am so happy to have this food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My father's still around. I think emotionally they're about three years old apiece. They are emotional toddlers, my family. And there's two ways you can go when you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Folks are like that. You can become enmeshed with that. You grow up and you go, but I have to take care of them. I'm responsible for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? You devote your life to trying to make them better and make them happy or you realize


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter what you do. So you may as well have fun with it and fuck with them and just be like, I don't care. I don't fucking care. I also had set up- I don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. We haven't watched our wedding video once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she's laying down, we're like, okay, we'll lay down on this whatever lounge chair and warm up. And she's like, my toes, my toes can't move. And they were like crippled toes, you know, they were all like scrunched over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta say, I love you so much. This has to be our fundamental difference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that I go for what gives me comfort and solace and I have a more, I listen, I do different morning routine. I check in with my, my soul. I try to meditate and try to check in emotionally. But can I tell you something? Can I tell you why though? Cause usually I'm up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my whole thing in life is to get me from here to fucking here. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think your whole thing is to get you from here to here. So you and I are just like, later dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? My whole thing is I'm overstimulated, I'm fucking over, I'm dysregulated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, I wanna fuckin' torture myself. I wanna push it to the limit, man. But that's also a guy thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just kidding. You know, I have straight friends that do it. Like, really athletic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'm not gonna be super stinky, but it's in my head. It's okay, I don't care, you guys can smell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much do you fucking love Jesse Lee Peterson?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I just miss this, I do love this generation so much and they're so amusing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I vote for Carrie Bradshaw, Tom. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, maybe you're one of those lucky motherfuckers that has a good stepparent. Nine times out of ten, it's not great. Yeah, cause that person doesn't give a fuck about you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then again, how can a garbage person attract a good one? Very rare. Well it happens though. Usually they come in pairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about it. Which women should vote?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it also predates probably when they could marry legally. So you, you couldn't say my husband, you'd have to say my partner, but now these straights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how they, yea, this is how they brainwash you into saying, no, no, these new, the new words. Yeah, the new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did your avocados get bad or is the hot sauce bottle empty? Oh no. Try grocery delivery from DoorDash. You'll get everything you want delivered when you need it right to your door. You've trusted DoorDash to deliver your restaurant favorites and now you can get grocery delivery too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With thousands of grocery stores to choose from, you'll find the best in your neighborhood and boost your local economy with each order. You'll get exactly what you ordered or will make it right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, sit back and enjoy quality groceries just like you picked them yourself. With easy substitutions right in the app and best in class customer support, DoorDash delivers groceries exactly how you want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get 50% off your first DoorDash order up to a $20 value.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you use code momgrocery at checkout, limited time offer, terms of play, that's 50% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up to $20 on your first order through DoorDash when you enter code MOMGROCERY. Don't forget that's code MOMGROCERY for 50% off your first order. Up to $20 when you try DoorDash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The holiday rush means more mailing and shipping for your business, but it doesn't have to mean more stress. Sams.com has been helping businesses like yours save time and money for 25 years and it can help you get ready for the holiday ramp up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With stamps.com all you need is a computer and a printer. They even send you a free scale so you'll have everything you need to get started. Get access to the USPS and UPS services you need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right from your computer, anytime, day or night. No lines, no traffic, and no waiting. And you can get huge carrier discounts of 2.84% off USPS and UPS rates to help your bottom line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get your business ready for the holiday rush. Get started with stamps.com today. Sign up at stamps.com slash mom for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com slash mom. Who are you going to vote for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a space alien? Can I vote for fucking Alpha Centauri? I mean, I don't know. Ugh, they're all dummies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the delivery of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It resonates some, I'm trying to think of any liberal male friends I have that are like, alpha dudes, do you know any? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But by the way, aren't the betas, hold on, the betas are the new nerds, the new geek, like isn't Zuckerberg a tad beta? He's a fucking beta. He's a rogue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like why? Every time I do like a women's fitness class, and I'm saying it's clearly for broads. Okay. Like you go on the website, it's a bunch of broads and Lululemon and you know, nice crop tops and they're all in their twenties and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's for chicks bro. Okay. So it's a group fitness, chick class, a hundred percent. You fucking know it. So I go to this chick class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's always without fail one dude who comes in and you're like, what's this motherfucker doing? And he's never dressed appropriately. He's wearing like dicky shorts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not even moisture wicking fabric, they heat the room so it's hot as fuck in there. And I'm like eyeballing, I'm like this fucking asshole. Cause this used to happen in LA when I would do yoga, same shit, different toilet, some weird beard comes in, he's not even wearing the right attire, he just came in off the street, he just wants to look at hot chicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I see this fucking asshole and he comes in shirtless with just the dickies. I'm like, you get to get your life and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we saw such an attractive man at the restaurant. And we were like, who is this? And I'm talking like jacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, this guy's a movie star. Who is he with? Cause as a woman,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the woman showed up and we only saw her back because his face was facing us and she was seated with her back. Her body was gorgeous and of course she wore like a fucking crop top so you could see her belly and we were like, let's see this broad's face. It was okay, it was like a seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. It was a date. They were drinking drinks during the day. Like they were like, ha, LOLing and flirting. And then I'm like, dude, she's not hot enough for this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] L-li-li-like who do you go- cause like, okay, let's look at like the most attractive actresses, let's say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just slow down. Just slow down for a moment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cause like the ultra hot, like Cindy Crawford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you call this? He's not a ten. Okay, what is he? Compared to Cindy Crawford, a supermodel. What do you want? He, he, he, he would literally have to marry another supermodel. No, that's weird. You're talking weird shit. But that's what I'm saying, homie. Tens don't marry tens. Who the fuck the ten marries? They always marry down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, super cute. By the way, you guys have to watch this documentary about the supermodels, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, and Linda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care about anything important. I don't care. I don't give a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Total avoidance. There's nothing worse than watching yourself. I hate it. To stand up. I hate it. Or even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like miscommunication. And to your defense though, Thai food's very specific cuisine. Like either you like it or you fucking really don't care for it. Maybe it makes your asshole explode. Maybe it's too tough on your stomach. It's like, it's a very unique thing. Pizza's more, everybody likes pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's cool they video. I mean, aren't you so pumped that people can just video this stuff right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what's neat about this is you don't, I guess you don't see people freak out at golf. It's a very tame sport, so it's kind of cool to see a golf freak out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Joe, do you call your, your wife your partner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's on TikTok, she's actually a fan of us. She is? Yeah, she's, she and I have made contact, we like DM. No shit. Yeah, she does these fetish videos, she's a fetish girl on TikTok. She's really sweet actually, and she's being quite sincere, like when she does her sitting videos. Those are the good cases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a fetish thing, like cake sitting. Depicting females sitting on their birthday cakes. Wet and messy with the food, food crush fetish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, you know, genitals and butt bean and delicious frosting. I get it. I kind of like it. I wish you would do a cake junk smush. I would like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either, I think soft, and then, you know, we'll take it further. That'd be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's really a delight. You guys, it's at C, the letter C, GetSnakey. She's on TikTok. She makes great content. Actually, she's a very sweet girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, every time we watch this, it just presents more and more to me. I'm noticing the piece of fabric there on the side. Is it because, hold on, that hat might be tied on like a do-rag?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a piece of fabric and the hat is always mesmerizing to me because you're like, it's just a piece of cloth that he found on the floor. It's a shitty hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Katite, may I present the argument against him being black? I think his facial hair would be darker, no? No, he's older. Oh, he's old. He's older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what strikes me now, cause again, this is something we've viewed over the course of a few years, is how this guy's responding to his nutteries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the best part is that, you know, in the beginning, he, he's very sincere in Sweden. He's young and he answers the question. Like who's the captain? He's like, Oh, it's a David Sheldon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause it does catch you off guard when some crazy person comes up to you, and he's so sweet that he actually answers Herc's dumb line of questioning, and you're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, can we do some of my favorites, the dating profiles for Joe? Oh, sure. I love this by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've, I found these, uhm, there's an account on Instagram of inmates in Idaho prison and they want pen pals. And it's them making their videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jose got in with a bad crowd, he's done some minor shit, and he has learned his lesson, and he's like, I don't want no trouble, I just want to get out of this shit. And look, he's with Jen Popp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not isolated, he's not doing some weird shit, like this guy is socially- Oh no, he's a demon. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, hold on, seriously? Are you guys being serious? Like if you have to choose an inmate, and you saw that, that really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, you guys, I thought this would be dick kryptonite to come into it like, like doing a gag. Why not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If women are tricky in the system, because it's usually a guy, who, like a bad guy they've dated, that will usher them into bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Women are not self-starters in the crime world. In my, in my, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drugs. Drugs. Clearly, duh. Wait, I don't have to think twice about that. She's on drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's so full. You know what? He lacks so much self-awareness. He doesn't even know what he wants. He's lying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not into it. It repuls- like, oh, maybe a friend, maybe I fuck you, like bitch, you know what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no one says fucking goodbye. Or when they, they touch their iPhone like this. You know, I seldom use this. I do thumbs, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's such a con artist. This guy's a real piece of shit. I'm gonna go big crime. Cause he didn't say how long he's in, like he doesn't disclose shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always the nice ones you think are normal and they're not, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a huge fan. I already like him. He reminds me of Rob Dyrdek. The skateboarder kinda. He's got like good, good vibes. He's like funny, light hearted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good time. I like him. So far he's my pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, he's the most violent of all the guys we've seen, and he's my favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm all in on Tyson. Tyson. Wow, I like this place. Woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was a prison ten. And by the way, from what I've learned in prison, it's hard to find makeup. Like you usually have to do your, you have to like light a match and use the black whatever part of the match to get the eyeliner. So she put in a lot of effort, she put an effort into her lighting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's a, she's a seducer. So hold on, do we like her or the girl that had the sense of humor first?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's what I'd do. That's what I would do too. I would be sucking off all the fucking security officers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Commissary. Campon. Commissary Address. Commissary Address. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Nice underwear, bras, shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for those just listening, this is a man at a salad bar of a nice place like a Whole Foods and he has the ladle in the soup container and he's drinking straight from the ladle and putting it back into the soup


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's entitled and doesn't give a fuck. I always err on the side of the worst of humanity. I don't like to give anyone the benefit of doubt. I think he's a piece of shit. Selfish cunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like her at all. I don't like this video at all. This is what it's like to be a Burning Man. Just so you know. Like it's hot as fuck. She's not a Burning Man, but it's horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rose listening is just a guy blowing out candles with his farts in a tube. I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm impressed. This guy's got a series of videos where he uses his farts to do funny tricks. I think they're wonderful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just for people listening, her appearance is her entire almost upper part of her face is tattooed in. Fully tattooed in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But here's the thing, you guys are not thinking this through. Horse caca is just made of grass. There are some people that enjoy the smell of horse poop because it's so natural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horse girls love the smell of horse shit. It's just grass. Sean loves it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love the smell of horse kaka cause it's kind of fresh. They just eat nothing. They eat plants, dude. They're herbivores. They don't eat fucking hot dogs like we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also the 200 dollar one, it looks like a Stasi haircut. Like why is it like Hitler?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, what is that? Subdermal implant. What is that? So they put in, I'm assuming it's a form of plastic or something that you can put under the layer of skin so that it just creates-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Puffy, and she's like the swelling will go down. That's wild, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also, I mean, is that not dangerous to fuck with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They pulled back the dick skin bro, they cut off the dick skin, they pulled- I don't wanna see it! And they put the implant under the dick skin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your phone there. And no blinking. No blinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's fascinating. She tells you like, the tips and tricks of a sociopath, how to infiltrate male friend groups to get the guy to like you, stuff like that. She's really, really informative. Really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or live with like this woman does out in the desert, in the desert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you and me and the kids go live out in the desert with her and you use wooden toothbrushes and you find yucca. Get the fuck out of here. You already know the answers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joe, what about you? Tiny house or live off the land and brush your teeth like this woman?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree, I'm not a huge- I might try camping if it weren't hot as shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the desert is torture. I don't know why she's doing this to herself. There's cooler climates you can do this to yourself in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't do the, the dessert. I would do, I would do colder climates. Or like fuck the jungle. Like remember that show Alone Tommy? Yeah. Where they're out in like the wilderness. Like I would maybe maybe do that kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, guys. You know, they're severely traumatized. They have a lot of childhood trauma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's amazing, and they usually go down, if not from loneliness, not the diehards, but from like intestinal parasites, cause they'll eat beaver. They get sick. They get sick from the living off of the food that they catch. They usually could do it forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long would you last? Be honest alone. How long?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not, I wouldn't do it to anybody. That is the worst. Here's your last one, let's hope it's a nice one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He talks with his hands way too much in the videos, it thoroughly irritates me. And he's too wordy, but he does give valuable information about the lifestyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you got a lot of gangs in there that I was controlling. So when they see somebody that's gay like me and controlling people that they're scared of, there was a problem. They scared of a group of people that I control and I'm gay. So at the end of the day, I became like the Godfather. Daddy DeMarco. Gay Godfather. Gay Godfather. Daddy DeMarco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he's so special man, I like this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I start dating after that. And it's like, well, if going out on a date with a guy makes me a slut, then that's just what I'm gonna be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50 times right side, 50 times left side, 50 times front, 50 times back, 50 times down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look how aggressive, yeaah. Okay, how often am I doing this? You have to do it every day until you can control. Every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can see the hole there, the finger can go in about this deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your dickhead becomes so sensitive that you don't need lube, you don't need spit. You just stroke that dickhead this up and down four times. It's just hard. Better do it. And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick, thick, hot white cum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when he smoked with me, he put out his dick. I couldn't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off in four strokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Senator Obama himself was the one that initiated the sex act on the second occasion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not forget to go to sattvasaattva.com


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The shit and get $200 off any mattress of your choice. They are the best mattresses I have ever slept on. They have incredible customer service. They have mattress takeaway service, which is yea, you get rid of that old dumpy, stingy, grungy spring popping out of the side mattress, they take it away for you, set up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're all new, amazing Saatva mattress and you get what you like. You want memory foam? Get that. It's a lot sturdier than I thought it would be and their line is called Lumenleaf and it's incredible. They also have a mattress called the Solair that vibrates and has a zero gravity setting and sits up for you so you don't have to be inconvenienced by, you know, engaging your ab muscles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fantastic. They're all great, and they're all high quality, environmentally friendly, and like I said, amazing customer service from them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to Sattva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit and get two hundred dollars off any mattress of your choice. Welcome to your mom's house podcast now in 4k. Oh my. You see every blemish that we have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Downtown Comedy Works? I'm in very retard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. Uhm, I got a couple dates. Let's see, I got...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We added a show at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas, September 2nd, and I'm doing the Falls View Casino Resort in Niagara Falls, Ontario on November 9th, uhm, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Later this year, I will announce, uh, some big 2024 stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some big shows. Big big shows where, uh, basketball teams play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Agent Jeans. Big black teams, and then I'll be all there all alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in the house, I'm like, where do I put, it's awesome. It's an awesome thing, it shows every city that I performed in. It's 3D. And then it has all the stats from the, like, the shows, the cities, the countries, tickets sold, the box office gross, it's all, it's humongous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in every city. I have to, I'm embarrassed, but I did not come in every city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe one in, yeah, one inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not as much as Manzal, what's his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll talk to you as I don't do it. He says I'm supposed to do 350 strokes a day every day, every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's the truth, I would have much more control if I did. There would be no such thing as like, I think I'm gonna, you'd always be like, come now, and then you would just come. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's probably better at the end. I think if it starts that way. Cause there's accident days. There's days where you're like sharpening and then you're like, oops. Too sharp. And then too sharp and then you're like, uh, and then you can't work out. So end of the workout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, what? He goes, come on man. You fart so much. He's very like, he's polite, he's very neat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like his room is very like clean. He doesn't like when the weights aren't put back in the same way. They're facing the same way. Kind of OCD. And he's not like, I've ripped horrendous parts in gyms with him where he's like, he's just like, oh, I don't even know if we're going to work out today. He just like walks away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, sometimes I do it, like, I'll arrive and I'll be like, oof, I'm not, he's like, no. I'm like, yeah, it's not good. Cardio stuff, it's much easier to rip in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say it right now, I'm down. I'm down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, that's not true. Once I get like home, showered, sometimes you get like that. But like in the immediate after, I'm saying like the workout just ended, I'm not like, god I wanna pull my dick right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is he? Uhm, where's his I'm gonna come now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, you do have a little, yeah, you have a signal that goes, oh hey, this shit's over. That goes on and you know. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ha! Like no, that's, I mean that guy's a porn star, let's be honest, that guy's a porn star. I wanna make sure I make it very clear, but I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when he, he makes it clear a lot of times in his posts, in his videos, he's like, you know, I'm a star, like I'm a porn star. I was famous. I'm like, yeah, I'm not taking that away from you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've known that you are a super talent. I think that's why you being upset bugs me. It's like, I don't want like the Hollywood elite mad at me. I don't want RPC. Like these are like super talented guy. Like he's, he is up there with like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in porn, he's probably like, I would say equivalent to like a rocko...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a performer. He's a very strong performer. Alright, let's, uhm, let's open the show. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude's dope, man. It's interesting cause he's, he's obviously super jack, but he has like that burnt, uh, skin hue where it's, um, it's kinda reddish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's literally talking about six tracks and you're like, Oh, I can see it through the shirt. Yeah, I'm here for it. You like it? Yeah. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all that's on purpose. This is not an accident. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if we didn't plan ahead of that policy, it would be any here all alone, I think, uh, doing everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, he's the best. Rest in peace. Uhm, for guys, what do you think? 185?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 150? That's pretty, pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it. Let's have the Fedsmoker standards here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're a lady, that's it. Gotchu. You gotta have huge tits. Kind of a nice ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Foreigners have different standards. Way different. Why different? We have really loose buttons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I would go to Peru as a kid, like it's like, you know, as soon as I was 20 pounds overweight, they were like, hello fat ass. Like that's how they would greet you. And they'd be like, do you want to skip food today? Like you're so, like they would go really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Spain, they said, you know how we, uh, I remember the lady I lived with, her son was older and he came by, he goes, do you know how we can tell if someone's American? And I was like, how? He goes, cause you guys wear pajamas to go out. Not wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the family with the kid, and then you're like, you see this guy in like, like slippers. Yeah. In a tank top and you're like, okay, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit. You don't have to wear a suit, but it's like yeaah. I think here it's, everything is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can have low levels of lactase and still be able to digest milk products, but if your levels are too low, you become lactose intolerant, leading to symptoms after you eat or drink dairy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is incurable in people, by the way. You can do things to treat those symptoms, but you cannot cure it. Here is the, your ally that uhm, got you thinking this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I can handle that. I might get it and then we throw it in the trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are people in society that Nadav is not a phantom, and he doesn't believe they have rights. Uhm, and those people happen to wear transition lenses. Uhm, I feel like that's a very long way of getting there, so I prefer to use the anti-trans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, some people wear transition lenses because they don't feel like, you know, going through the whole...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. And then, and then they wear the same glasses indoors as outdoors and the lenses help you out, right? The lenses transition for you. And I've pointed out today that I was wearing sunglasses and he was like, Oh, I guess you're bi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is a perfect segue, this is a perfect segue to a cap report that we had recently. We had a, we had a cap report recently, which was that bisexuality is ca-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said I have the perfect person to comment on this and he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has sent in a video uhm, kind of explaining it all. Why don't we go ahead and give this a watch and a listen. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do it in Brooklyn and, uh, Ian took me to get the best fucking fried chicken sandwich I've ever had around the corner from his place. Wish I could plug the place, but actually I don't because I don't want you guys to eat them all. They're too good. But, um, check out that podcast. Uh, it's up there. I think it's episode 50 of being Ian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if you want to check it out. He's funny. He's really funny. And he's legit. He really is. Uhm, the, okay, let's see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, episode 50, sorry. Episode 50, being Ian with Jordan, uh, is the episode I did with them. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, I'll just go ahead and say something. And by the way, we talking about it because it's just, I don't know, something to talk about, but nobody cares now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worrying of that was actually hard for me to process. Sure, I didn't understand what the guy was saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mean that part. It was like, the words after it, I was like, I don't even understand what half of these words mean. No, I know. He's also, I think, what, like a Harvard law student? He's brilliant. But I was like reading it and I was like, huh? But yeah, he goes, I, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I make love to men, I have sex with men daily, but in the imagination. And then he went on and on, and I was like, alright. But also, everyone was like, holy shit, and then nobody cares. Big nothing burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is wild. It's kind of a thing to chase now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy that we found, the educational, uh, remember the buttholdener guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he has, he's done so many cool things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see. Uh, let's see. He did, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy showed us, and he completely nared his asshole, and then I was like, oh, this has gotta be. If you missed it, I was like, this has gotta be like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bit or something, you know, or if it was up, it was one of those things where someone dared somebody to put something up and it's just gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And no, it's, it's, it's stayed up as around 40 million views and I was like, wait, what? So we reached out to our YouTube rep and we found out that if you're doing educational or documentary or artistic things, it, it basically means that you get special permissions that are usually not allowed in YouTube videos. And that's very, very much laid out by them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is why this guy's content is allowed to stay up on YouTube. And he gives like really explicit, obviously, uh, uh, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm almost ready to take him in because I poop all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I discovered, I was surprised that you don't have to be completely serious in these. Like he also is like joke, he'll joke around. But since the information is the education, it's allowed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now see, this is where this became very educational. Yeah. Because this is something that most people, myself included, did not know. And as he says it, you're like, oh, okay, don't put fucking a fire hose worth of water up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's uhm, yeaah, so there's so much, uhm, let's see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I right? Uhm, you know, but it got us thinking, and I, I, I really feel like we need to, uh, to do something about this. And that is, you know, why don't we do some YMH produced, uh, educational videos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think the only way to do that is to, uhm, have a doctor involved. And we happen to have a doctor that does shows here. So, why don't we chat to him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[Assistant] The promo code is YourMom. Don't forget, that's code Y-O-U-R-M-O-M.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But oh, so we're very excited. I wanna, I wanna tell you that uhm, I got so excited about this. We almost, I almost have not been able to sleep because I wanted to ask you this so much. So we found out through our YouTube reps that there are special permissions given to videos that you upload that are educational,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, or documentary or artistic. And one of the things that you can do in these videos is push the boundaries of what is normally not allowed on a YouTube video. And we found that there's a lane that we can, uhm, get involved in. And I thought it would be great to have you with us in this. And that is medical educational videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so what I was proposing was that you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sit, uh, come to the studio and we have a volunteer, like a real person, uhm, that you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would serve a purpose in that they're, they're not joking videos. They're, they're educational.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In this case, like, I'm not asking you to jack a guy off, you can if you want to, but I think if you were to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prostate stuff, uh, breast stuff, but like, it would be something that we would upload here, uhm, on our channel, and we would, you know, we would, we would clear it with our YouTube reps first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was wondering, would you be willing to do that? Would you be willing to, to educate the masses on how to do some of these things that are, that are medical? Uhm, but it would involve you and or, and a participant who, you know, is volunteering to, to do it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we'll get some fucking heroin out of here for Christina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I talked to him earlier today, uhm, his doctor told him that you really need to like make some changes and he's been making them. He's been, uh, he's not drinking at all. Uh, his doctor actually recommended, I know it's some, you know, some people find it controversial, a keto diet, but he's been keto now for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10, 12 days, he said he, he, he feels great. He's going to keep doing it. Um, he said he's going to, he thinks he's going to do his whole next, he's going on tour here. He's going to do the whole tour sober, he said. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way that I spoke to him and things that he said, I think he's actually really going to stick to this, this, this time. Uhm, and uh, he, cause he, he knows he needs to drop some, some LBs for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know, but maybe you could tell somebody how to prepare for a prostate exam, like as a patient, and what, like show them what happens during a prostate exam, like, Nadav could be on all fours, and you just go, this is what happens when you examine somebody, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also like, this guy has a very successful channel teaching people how to bottom safely, like be a bottom in a relationship and you could use Nadav for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, exactly. We're very excited. We're very excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, we'll keep it super medical, but there's no need to have like, you know, a not hot pair of tits in your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will protect you on that, and uhm, Kristina can pick the balls, I'll pick the tits, and we'll have a nice-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our guest today has a new special on Netflix called Soup to Nuts. You can see him currently on his You Don't Say tour, uh, in theaters, all over the place. Check out marknormancomedy.com for your tickets. It's Mark Norman everybody!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Dav, it's very- I'm so glad you're here, because Nadav is actually training to do the New York City Marathon in November. Whaaaaat? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, uhm, found out that he, well, you know, he was dealing with the fact that he's trans. Oh, okay. Uh, sorry, he's anti-trans. He's anti-trans. Anti-transitional lenses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he doesn't like when I wear transition glasses. And so I'm trying to make it a thing that people would just say he's anti-trans. Got it. Anti-transitional lenses. Right. But I'm saying I hate the whole- why spell it out? You can just get to it quicker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, and that's great, and then he's gonna keep going. Here's the thing, if he doesn't complete the New York City Marathon, he has to get a tattoo, which is against his religion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So his nickname among some circles is Patti O'Callaghan, if not Nadav Vitskowitz. And so I was like, you have to get, if you don't complete this marathon, you gotta get an Irish tattoo, like a chest piece or a back piece. Right, right. Uhm, and so we're, we're examining like different possibilities. Like this is pretty cool if you did this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is very cool. Uhm, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Callahan! Your patio Callahan. So, it's basically, this is a preview of what's happening November 7th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh right, cause you were dissociating that day. I remember that. That week. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you were like, you were like staring at lights like, what am I going to do? So. Hmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's a fair compromise? What's that? Marks, you let him pick which one you get. That's a great idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then again, do you wanna make the appointment? Because the appointment is made if you don't finish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy is a real fan. I'm gonna guess that this guy actually got this inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're trash. You're just trailer trash. There you go. But this is different. This is like, what you're talking about, like those people on that show, that's the West Virginia, you know? Right. The traveler, the Roma, the people that we think of in Europe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That are like, squatters that steal and throw their baby at you? That's, yeaah, that's totally...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. Yeaah, but those, like yeaah, that, that lady, tattooed on there, that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think being bi is legit? Because that was the...


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[Assistant] They're like, is a bi man ever not gay?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. Do you think lactose intolerance is bullshit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, that's right, she's on her way. Sometimes you just have to go for it, you know? Let's go for it no matter what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that was pretty great. I know, I know. I didn't like it, I didn't like it. I actually thought it was the other one. There's another one. Uhm, it's a brunette.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, you know what I'm talking about? You showed it to me.


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[Assistant] Now, what do you think of somebody who is doing bi stuff while they're drunk? Is that legit or is that a cover?


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[Assistant] He also has like, I've told people, he's a ridiculous game that you would not expect. Really? Yes, for a guy, little guy, fuckin' dead eye, you know, does shoulder hair porn, like you're like, this guy. And then I've seen him pull chicks where I'm like, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is, I mean, it's all the stuff that you hear that you doubt when you're, I guess, young. I mean, it makes more sense to you the older you get, where he just, he doesn't, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apologize for being, he's not like, I shouldn't be here. So, you know, he, he approaches like, uh, yeah, like with some confidence. And he owns it. He owns it. He owns all the flaws. You own who you are. It always goes further.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like Josh would be like talking to a chick and then he'd be like, oh, your eyes are not deceiving you, mine is dead on this side. And then they're like, oh, okay. It's like, it's a conversation getting started. It's like more than half of the whole thing. So then they're like, what are you talking? And then he's like, yeah, this eye is going blind. And then you just see him talking and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comic, yea, and I think that's probably a Josh thing too, it's like he's meeting chicks at show, you know, they saw him at the show. Sure, that helps. So, you know, you have a great set, he's probably halfway there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how I met him. Same scenario. I met him at the Buffalo Helium. He opened the show and he's like, I'll give you a ride home. And he's driving me in this car and then it's snowing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so, oh, you did the special, by the way. Congrats on the special. Oh, thank you, sir. If you haven't seen it, Soup to Nuts on Netflix, you did it at the Vic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. That was the fun thing. Yeah, that is very, very true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh, yeah, she, uh, she never, she never learned certain things that like, oh, like, you can't, like, one time, she probably killed me for telling this, she was at the house. N-word? And, uh, oh, no, she's like, what does that mean? Like, you can get her to say it. But, um, she was at the house with a friend of hers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And another, like his older lady. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sitting there talking to them and she goes, you know, uhm, and then she says her friend's name, she goes, you know, so and so, uhm, has to go do this thing because, you know, her son is retarded and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just turned around cause I was gonna laugh out loud. And she comes into the room and she goes, why are you laughing? I go, cause you just called the lady's son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, yeaah, and you can see the lady, she goes, she goes, he, uh, yeaah, he has some problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, that was so fun. I just, I love, so sometimes, like if we're at a stoplight, and I see somebody with like, I don't know, MS, you know, like crossing the street, so it's like, it's a severe limp, I'll just be like, can you leave this guy's drunk, like at fucking 10 in the morning, and she'll be like, drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a, he's disabled and I go, nah, this is a drinker. You know, just to like fire her up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we were at the grocery store and this guy who's clearly disabled, bags the groceries, right? And we go out to the car and I go, something was off about that guy. And she was like, what? And I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, no, no, no, but like, I couldn't tell what it was, but didn't you sense that he wasn't all there? And she's like, yes. You mean the retarded? Like, no, no, no, but like you pick up on something and she's like, yeah, the retarded part. And I'm like, no, no, no, but you can just walk her into these things. Cause she's so gullible. Soon she's going to be like Michael.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he tells you like, come to, come down here, I'll show you what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, so you were out on tour, part, like you did some of the fully loaded tour. Oh yeaah. Uhm, so, you were out there front and center with Burt. Yeaah. A lot of us have been like, what is going on? Like, he looked like he was falling the fuck apart. He pushed it. He did push it. With the, cause you've toured with him also before, you did like European stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's amazing. So, cause I talked to him this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, yea, I'm down like 15 pounds. Wow! In like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 days. That's insane. That's how crazy he was pushing it. The 10 days of clean eating and drinking, 15 pounds for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we podcasted like, I think it was during that, and like, he was sitting here, we were podcasting, and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to drink or I just want to eat something. Do you know what I mean? But you said it like a fucking lunat- I was like, no. It was like 10 in the morning. I was like, what do you mean? He's like, I just like, I just want some food or something right now. I was like, these are cravings. You're indulging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I did the, uhm, Adderall Light by Vance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that doc, that doc gives me, like, anytime I'm like, I need this, I need, hey, I wanna, uh, I want an antibiotic just in case I get sick. He's like, no problem, no problem. I tell him I wanna try it. He's like, I told him that and he was like, nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. He said because there are, uhm, you know, possible, like it's possible that there can be side, heart side effects with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was like, no, he's just like watching out for your heart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That day that I tried it, I was like, this is good stuff. I'm actually gonna try to get some under the table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is like, wake up, knock this out, and then you're ready to start your day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We work out a lot in the mornings at the gym. Yeaah. Yeaah. But it's like wake up. I like to wake up and go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having the, I'll say this, having that other, like there's day, obviously I'm not with him every day. So I do things without him. It's such a difference. Like I didn't see him for weeks. I was on, we were traveling and vacation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first workout with him, I was like, this is way different than what I've been doing. Oh, really? Yeah. It was so much. I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I didn't think I was taking the, I was going to a gym and I was working out, but I was working out by myself. Right. When I saw him, you know, it's just dialed, I think almost, it's almost impossible to mimic what somebody else can push you to do. Almost. You know, like, his level of like, no, we're doing this circuit today, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, you know, like, and then you're like done with it. He's like, okay, now we're gonna do the second circuit. And then you're, then you're done with that. You're like, we're done. He's like, no, we're not done. Exactly. That kind of stuff. You're like, oh, I wouldn't have done that on my own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of. Well, oh, let me show him this first. This is uhm, cause he would, he is, you would be a good voice for this. Whether this is horrible or hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say this, I'll say this. I like the screams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do like to scream. I do. I do enjoy the screaming. I don't like that somebody got hurt though. That's not cool. Ah, shut up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew it, and you reacted exactly as I thought you would react.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's gonna recover fine. Steve Irwin died because that stinger went into his heart. Which is so crazy. Yeah, he was swimming over one and of all the places that stinger could have went, it went right into his heart. Holy moly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still remember, you see him all the time, but like for me, it's much less frequent to see him. Oh, he's the man. Oh my god. He, I just saw, I don't, I can't go, I saw him do new stuff. He came to, to Texas. And uhm, even like his stuff, by the way, I was, I was saying that like it's so fun to be around him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like, he'll fuck with you, but in a fun way. Sure. He was like, you doing the late show? And I was like, nah, I gotta get home, I gotta get up tomorrow. He's like, oh, you got a busy morning. Yeaah, yeaah. I was like, what? But it's fun. It's fun. That somebody's doing that to you. You're also like, oh god, I hope he doesn't hate me. I even remember 2008.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2008, I remember this. Cause every like a tell thing for me is like locked into memory.


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[Assistant] Cause I remember I opened for him in 2005, I opened for him the next year, and then in 2008 I was in Las Vegas, doing what at the time was called the Las Vegas Comedy Festival. 2008 was an Olympic year, and he was like, ladies!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. It's always a ride. Let's see what she's got for you today. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the other fascinating thing to see about this is you, you just don't realize how much people have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this guy's like super lean. Like, you know, how lucky he is that he's so thin. And he's just like, I've been wearing butt pads for a decade and I can't deal with this anymore. I got to get injections. That's pretty crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember, like, how much she was on top of the world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, you see even non-celebrities, honestly, if you're willing to pay, like, there's people that have, they look like fucking cartoons. Oh yeaah. Their face is crazy. And that person's still getting procedures done. Oh my god, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, uh, I would not participate in this shit. I feel like she would snap my neck in a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was pretty, I mean, I'm actually impressed with her skill set, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She actually was, she wasn't just kicking him in the balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tears? Are we doing tears? Oh, that looks like that's about to not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, you know the funny thing was, my sister did this to me, like not exactly this on my 16th birthday, and I reacted very poorly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She took cake and she put it in my face. So I took it by the back of the head and I slammed her. And I was like, I was pretty big 16 year old. And I slammed her hard into the, cause like she had like half the cake on her. And she was like, what the fuck? And I was like, what the fuck do you think you're doing? I didn't take it well at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is, I feel like you know who you can do that to. Yeaah, yeaah. And like, she knew that I, I don't think she, if you would have asked her how will he react, she'd be like, oh, he'll react well to that. Sure. She knew, she knew that she was gonna get hurt, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so holding on for a racial slur. You know, isn't the thing too though that like for years, like you, you, you think when you're younger too, that like, they're like, oh, you're so upset, like hit stuff. But then we learned that like that actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing too is when she was like, there's shit on the walls and on the sink. And like, she's literally firehosed shit all over a bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice. So she was loaded up. I mean, what's the longest Eni has gone record days without shitting before? Uhm, are you back to your old shitting schedule or are you still going a long time now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Dan Pena. You know him? No, no. Oh, he does like this business coach stuff. And he'll be like, you're, you're fucking cunts. You're all a bunch of fuck. Like he does it at the seminars. It's great. He's really fucking fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is shit that like people pay thousands of dollars to attend. Wow. Yeah, yeah. He's uhm, he's pretty, pretty hilarious like that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are. Uhm, look, this is awesome. Uh, for people who have not yet checked it out, you need to check out, uh, Soup to Nuts, uh, Mark Norma's new special on Netflix. Go see him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on the You Don't Say Tour, uh, get tickets at marknormancomedy.com. And of course you can check out Tuesdays with Stories with Joe List and he, uh, his podcast, We Might Be Drunk with Sam Merrill. I've done that podcast before, it's very fun. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're, uh, you're doing it all, man. Hey, thanks. Living the dream. You're killing it dude. Appreciate it. Can't complain. Theater tours. You're doing the big stuff, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I'm not talking about the company training them. Why don't you, your job, why don't you switch your role rather than putting that responsibility on the company? Why not train the blacks how to work, how to act at work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why not? Cause she's a girl. Well, she doesn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell them what you trained. So I trained them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, you turned the damn car off. You were idling for- for like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sitting here trying to have my lunch and your car is so loud we can't hear you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, plane coming down. From the North Pole, taking off. Down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I went to Australia doing a nudge dive. Cape's Gown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And keep going. And now it's back upright, ready to do another nose dive. And then it goes like that, you see? Plane's don't fly. Upside down. And things are, well, it's flat. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And somehow I-I-I tumbled into the YMH universe, which is such a blessing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music video came out so good. Oh yeah. Mike Pesci. You guys, I mean, have been holding us down since that means hunts. It was fucking awesome. You should have been in the video Christina, but we, you know, he said no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah, you put the kibosh on the whole thing. I was like, I didn't tear my gum out and I was going to put it under this. Just throw it across the room. You know that trick, like when you're at a restaurant and they give you like frozen butter packs and it's too cold. So you slide it under your thigh to warm it up and nobody knows. I've never done that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you take that butter pack, you put it under your thigh, and you just continue the conversation. No one else knows, and they're all kind of like chiseling away through that cold butter. But you want something warm, so you use that thigh weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes it, you know, as though they'd microwaved it for you or something. Yeah, perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm amazed about mostly when I think about it is that inspect the deck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has more rhymes on Wu-Tang albums, I mean on Zarfe's albums than on Wu-Tang albums. Really? I don't know, cause we got like 10 albums. Yea. Or 8 to 10 albums, I forget, but, uh, I've never actually counted it, but you know, Dex not on every Wu-Tang. Of course when he is, he's killing it, but he's not on every Wu-Tang track, so if you did the math, I just think about it sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is crazy when I sit back and think about it, but I feel like we're always moving forward and so I don't take that time to really reflect on how insane it is. If we're doing Zarfe shows, we end the sets with Wu-Tang shows. So I'm like doing Triumph with Deck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm doing, uh, cream with deck and it just, uh, I don't deserve that, but I'm here and I just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, uh, my buddy John says you're the only guy that's employed and unemployed at the same time because I just kinda have a lot of free time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, no, I like, uh, I'm into VR, and I've heard you drag comic book shit, I've heard, you know? Yes. Heard you, Mystic Rick, I heard all this shit, you know, I just, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my favorite stories is hindered by that actual situation. Well, it's not, you know, it's just the first time Dec introduced me to Ghostface.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, this guy's not gonna know who I am, you know what I mean? And uh, I was kinda nervous meeting him and Ghost got up, he's like, YO IT'S THAT SPIDERMAN! And he dropped the word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was the greatest I've ever felt in your life because I was pitching a beat to him over, you know, the internets we hadn't met, but I had a beat where I was sampling Spider-Man and Ghost was going to use it and it was going to be this, you know, this thing, it never worked out, but he identified me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he's exactly like he is on the record. And it was pretty fucking awesome. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I think sometimes even mistakes in songs tend to stand out. If you're, if you're, I was talking to Danny Brown about it, if you, if you say a rap and you like the take you have, but you mispronounce a word, sometimes you leave it in. Right. And that's the thing that fans remember about it. And it gives it some type of style. So true. A thousand percent. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Duncan Trussell last night, actually thank you guys for getting me into the comedy mode, I appreciate that. Uhm, he had said, he was the, talking about somebody, he said, identified him as a master of history and the crowd laughed their asses off. And then he found the word he was looking for, which was historian. But then he kept going back and everyone kept popping for it. And I was like, is this part of a bit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like recording it, like I'm not, I didn't write that down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But those are the things that we're talking about. Normally I would think, oh fuck all that, I'm against all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too easy, but then it comes out and it sticks with people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, definitely, but there's a, there's a, I think there's a time and place for certain words where, you know, if I say something's cat, it doesn't, it might not sound as authentic because that's a word my son would say. And he's, he just turned 15 and you know, I don't really hear it come out of his mouth, but it'll come out on a text or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I think just slang that's in my, it depends on who you hang out with. Like if I, if I go on tour with, with a group.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of kids that are like 19, I'll probably come back saying something different. Right, right, right. I, I tour a lot with, uh, Vinnie Pass from Jedi Matrix. Dude, yeah. So I pick up a lot of Philly slang and then bring it back to Boston throughout the year. He's incredible. Oh, he's great. He's just one of the most gifted people I know. Yeah. Um, but when you say something like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't think of a good example, but for me, it's like, yo, fuck 5-0, fuck, you know, but now it's like fuck 12. So 12 is the new 5-0. 12 is? 12? What is 12? It's not new, but it probably is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so I haven't had, I haven't heard that code because I'm, I'm a family man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I said? I imagine it's, uh, do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a really fascinating one. Yeah, it is. And that makes a lot of sense. It's what I would have guessed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Or it's, it's like, uh, what's his, uh, Wolf of Wall Street, where he's- Oh yeah. Oh, right. Right. McConaughey with- Yeah. But it's packaged into a kind of like a Juggalo presentation. And, um, you know, he looks good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fire. Fire. Pretty cool. You know, I think there's, when I came up in making hip hop and listening to hip hop originally, there were so many rules. I felt like there were so many rules just by listening to the music growing up in it and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I became a prisoner of my own type of gatekeeping, in a way. You know what I mean? For a long time I was like, nah, you can't do this, you can't do that. You know, you can't say routine, you have to say bitch. Like that, you know? What were some of the cants?


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[Assistant] It's a Duncan? And I consider myself, uh, you know. Aficionado. Yeah, cause I, yeah. You are. You are. Oh, thank you. You are. Well, my aficionado judgement on this guy is fire.


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[Assistant] Uhm, well, I don't think this would be considered dope. You know what I mean? This is something that might get you thrown off the stage back in the 90s. You know what I'm saying? But now I think there's an audience for any type of hip-hop, you know?


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[Assistant] Oh, back then, I mean, you could count to every artist. You could. Just about, you know what I mean? And, and now there's a space for, for everything. And there's an audience for everything. For everything. And there are kids that have grown up listening to things like this that, you know, are entertained by it.


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[Assistant] That's funny, that's a, I'm going to blame 7L for that, because he's the one that put that on the record, and that's a, yea, that's a hit on that record. Yea, I like it.


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[Assistant] So, uh, yeah, that stuff would work its way in. As you get older, you wonder, like, if you're connecting with, uh, the right, I don't know. Audience? Yeah, yeah. If you're really representing who you are. Right. And it kind of changes your lyrical trajectory. Sure, yeah. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] I think so. Plus it's easy to rhyme dick with tit and all that shit.


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[Assistant] I think so, I think there's a lot of, I think a lot of my, my mute, the rhymes that I come with start with the actual rhyme schemes themselves and then I'll, I'll come up with a story around it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, uhm, no, no, you have an idea of the rhyme scheme, like the different rhymes, things that rhyme, like, uh, uh, uh, Shane Gillis, Painkillers, or something, and then you come, then you come up with something like that, like, you know?


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[Assistant] That type of shit. And then you're like, okay, so how do I make this into a story? If you're doing braggadocio raps, if you're not coming from


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[Assistant] You know, telling a story, a vulnerable story, that's a, that's different. Then you're trying to tell the story and find the rhyming words, but if you're coming up with a...


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[Assistant] Uhm, Lil, uh, no, no, I'm kidding with Pipple. You guys, this is like I'm bombing at a show. No, no, I'm just asking if you agree with that sentence.


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[Assistant] But E40 as a, as a way that, you know, there's, there are people that, you know, if you can rhyme in the pocket, it means it's very important to some people, but there are a lot of artists that I think don't technically rhyme in the pocket that are,


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[Assistant] 10 times more entertaining to me. Do you know what I mean? Like old dirty bastard on Brooklyn Zoo. It's one of the finest recordings.


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[Assistant] Of all time. It's magic. The way he's saying shit. And I'm like...


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[Assistant] Absolutely, absolutely. And that's all soul, personality, and just, you know, him being him, which is, some people get too technical, overthink things.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. I mean, to get a performance out of- Pop shit, that's what it was. Yeaah. Okay.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's just one of these iconic people that, you know, there will never be another guy like that. Yeah, you can't just, you know. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I gotta, I gotta get a little crazier myself, like Seal would say. You know, and then gotta push through that, that glass ceiling.


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[Assistant] Yeah, oh thanks, well that's actually, uhm, a diss track to 7L. Nobody knows that, but I'm dissing him. Yeah, because we have a lot of communication issues. Of course, that makes sense. I'm like, yo man, just call me and we'll figure this out, or you know, or at this point just text me, but text me like, English.


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[Assistant] You know, you want to balance that with some degree of compassion cause you don't want that, you know, you guys have been on plenty of stages, you don't want to fall off stage. But that is, it's funny because


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[Assistant] You listen to those lyrics now, it's funny how, you know, they're, they're dated, but they're just like, it's such a, it's such a time capsule of, I'm not sure where she is.


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[Assistant] That's the best part, man. Uhm, anyway, what's next? Oh!


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[Assistant] Like unsanctioned. It wasn't like a Michael Vick thing. It was, uh, just two gators. They were just fighting and one was just biting the other's torso. And the guide on the airboat just kind of looked at it like it was normal. And I say, Hey, can we like go break this up or something? And he'd laugh. I wasn't really going to hop off the boat, but they were on land. You could kind of, and it's, you know, shallow waters, but.


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[Assistant] It's very dangerous. And before you get on the airboat, there was a guy that was kind of on that, uhm,


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[Assistant] Animal trainer situation where he would say, you know, he'd say, I know how these gators behave and what they're capable of. And that's why I can get away with doing something stupid like this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're off leash. I do think it's kind of a flex for a dog owner. A negative flex though, like, hey, my dogs are off the leash. It makes everyone else tense. Yeah, and then they go, don't worry.


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[Assistant] Uh, no, I think. They are Nazi dogs. They are Nazi dogs. I've met a lot of good German shepherds. I used to work, um, in the post-op at an animal shelter and I would have to, not a veterinarians.


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[Assistant] Traditionally, you're usually afraid of the pit bull, you know what I mean? But the Rottweiler was originally the dog that I had...


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[Assistant] Uhm, there's a bunch of dogs that are typically intimidating, but I know it's a cliche, but I think it's the owner. So if your owner is fucking Hitler, you're going to be a bastard of a dog.


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[Assistant] Well, you have to do it in clicks cause they respond to clicker training. So it's kind of like a Morse code of, uh.


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[Assistant] Uhm, shepards in general? No, shepards. I would love to. I've been trying to push my wife to get a German shepherd for a long time. But it's a different personality. You know what I mean? They're all business.


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[Assistant] They need a, they need a job to do. That type of dog is a working breed dog. So they're happy with the job. Like my dog, one of my dogs is a lab and he has to chase balls and bring the balls back. Or she's not happy.


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[Assistant] She's very open-minded and you know, I have this thing where I look at Rocket, who's a, who is a boy, you know, he's got a cock. Is that the word on this show? Yeah, you can say cock. And Pepper, who's a girl, but Pepper kind of presents in your traditionally


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[Assistant] Cardi B pronounced just really out there. Yeah. And it's like, Oh God, it kind of looks human. Really?


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[Assistant] But I, I just, I don't like getting into that area and you gotta, you know, you gotta...


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[Assistant] That's likely that she might be like that, but you know, I could, my wife likes getting in there with like, she's into, um, sorry. And, but, uh, popping zits. Sure. Sure. That's what women do. Picking ticks off the dog. So I mean, she'll get right in there. She's like an activity.


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[Assistant] And I'll go get the tweezers and then I'll kind of bow out of the situation. Um, but she'll get right in there and sometimes I have to help like hold up the ear flap. So it's precision. It's precision. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Absolutely. I know that you're a pilot now. I'm not, I'm not a pilot. I'm trying to be. You're getting into it, which is, which takes a big sack to do. But you don't like it. Oh, I hate it. Every flight. You don't like flying? The most, for someone that flies as often as I do. I was going to say, you fly a lot. Yes, every single time I say, Hey, thanks Josh. Um, every single time I say,


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[Assistant] I'm risking my fucking life for this. Really? Every time. I'm off, I'm the worst. You're on hundreds and hundreds of flights. Ask anybody I've ever toured with or anything. How's George?


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[Assistant] Bastard, he falls asleep on the plane. Yeah. Yeah. And deck deck will be decks like, yo man, sometimes when I get nervous about that, I picture myself as the pilot.


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[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Because I don't picture myself as the pilot. It seems like there's an episode, not most of my flights, but a flight recently, the landing gear, the tire popped on takeoff.


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[Assistant] And I was up in the air for five hours. I'm not kidding. Five hours before the captain addressed it. So I'm watching everyone in the whole fuselage, even the flight attendants and seeing who's nervous, who's not. It was like an explosion.


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[Assistant] When we made an emergency landing. Oh, you made an emergency landing? Yes, in Phoenix. Where were you flying to? To LA. Hold on. And what did he say? Yeah, uhm, he said, listen guys, I know a lot of you have questions about what happened on takeoff, but we blew a tire and we have to- That doesn't seem like it.


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[Assistant] And, uh, she was from, she might've been from Korea, but she had her, we started making small talk cause this might've been the last, you know, I said.


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[Assistant] What? Yeah, and I'm like, ah, and I'm feeling the plane turn around to make the landing, the approach. And as we're landing, he, you know, he's on the, he's on the mic and he's like, you know, there will be fire trucks below to put out anything. So don't worry about that. I'm like, oh, that comforts me a lot. Um, like, like, like my charred body and, uh, we landed in the, the, um,


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[Assistant] Fire engines chase the plane, and uhm, there were dogs out there, like, you know, police dogs, German shepherds, and uhm.


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[Assistant] And, uh, no, they didn't get hit by the, they, they, to help, they were there to help.