[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody? There's no celebrities that would invite you to their place, that you would drop everything for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Oh, I see. So would you rather go somewhere with someone you half know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's think of someone famous that you have heard of, that you don't hate. Like, it can't be Elon Musk or anyone like that. It has to be some- or Tom Cruise. It has to be someone famous that you don't think is a dick. Right. Right? Who's that? Like, maybe Keanu Reeves. Like Keanu. Keanu's having a party at his mansion in LA, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's what actually we did when, when I went down to, uhm, Beelzebub Fiends is, is we spent the day in Brighton as well. Oh, you made a trip with it. Yeah, and we went and had a meal, we walked on the front and, you know, some of my friends were there and we had a really nice lunch and it was just, it was honestly the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The party was like the reason, like the thing that you can't miss, you know, like the effort. But then the day after where you're slightly hungover, uh, having a nice lunch with laughing with people you like, that was what it was all about. That was the, that was the real, the good, the good chemicals, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I don't know, I was kinda just like, slightly just out of, like a fish out of water the whole time at Bale Delphine's, you know, like, it's like everything was just like, weird. I'm like, what is happening? I love that you went to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've nailed the M. Night Shyamalan thing of slightly badly made and badly sort of put together movies that have some hook or some twist. I mean, that's what made him famous, but he always picks interesting things that even if the movie's bad, you still come away from it being like, that was interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember watching Old, which is his last movie, uhm, which the whole premise of course was, you know, people suddenly start getting old, and aging weirdly on a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on a beach. It's kind of weird, but I think it was like, I mean, it feels like these are like one-shot comics or something, you know, like, like a graphic novel that was kind of quirky story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, it's almost like a Black Mirror episode, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was fine, I remember watching it and thinking it held my attention, and that's honestly all it needed to do. I tell you what I watched on Halloween, I watched the talk to me with Simon, the one with the hand. There's these teenagers and they find this hand and they're using it a bit like drugs to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of fun and funny and silly, um, and it's honestly like, again, I really enjoyed it. Like, it's quite low budget, kind of silly horror movie, Australian, I just liked, I liked it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's all a movie needs to be for me. I understand the whole rotten tomatoes thing of either I liked it or I didn't. Like, I don't need to have like a percentile, I don't need to give a movie a percentile review of how much, you know, what I, all the nuanced crap and all this, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand, some movies have moved me, uhm, for sure, and, you know, I get it, and some movies you step away from and you're like, damn, that was a good movie, and others you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I think a lot of successful movies this year are full of comedy. You know, like, the Barbie and the Mario Brothers movie and Guardians of the Galaxy. I mean, Guardians of the Galaxy is supposed to be the more comedy-lite... I mean, certainly the latest one this year wasn't, was it? It was a bit of a misery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, right? I think it is, sometimes it's a proving ground, right? Like, a lot of movies came out, and if it wasn't good, we wouldn't be talking about it, right? If Indiana Jones and Ghostbusters weren't good, they would've just been forgotten, like the hundreds of other movies that were out there. In the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not only that, but like so often you can understand why the theaters are like, well, people like this, let's make another one, but then they don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Proven writers in, they get script writers to write them a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're not going off an originally written story that's already pre-, and I'm not saying


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've diverged from comics or at least like graphic novels where they'd had this sort of already written planned universe that felt good and people were positively responding to. And they're now sort of doing these originals that, and they're scrabbling around thinking, well, what do we do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and, and I think, yeah, it's just sometimes these, they're so lukewarm, these, the newer movies. Like you said, P-Flex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have, they're a rollercoaster. Modern movies don't have the time and the nuance to tell, like this, you know, drum...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is interesting that the two top movies this year, Barbie and Mario, are based off basically toys. You know, and children's IP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If people still had BlackBerrys, would it have been a budget?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't realise just how much I remember from that time. I'm like, I could name all the people on the England football team, you know, I could name all of these people, I was like, oh my god, it's them, oh my god, it's this guy. You know, like, it was kind of weird how much you osmosis'd back when you were a teenager growing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a bit of that, it is a bit. Actually, they all come across quite nice. Just before that clip actually in the documentary, there's this bit where the dog jumps up on Victoria's lap and she's like, oh good, I've got a dog here to make me seem more human.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and David's like, you know, shall I get the rest of them? Just to, you know, help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm gonna wait until it's all out actually, because they're trickling it out aren't they? Yep, once a week. Alright, cool. Well that's some great catch up. We caught up with Where We've Been, all the movies, everything else. I'm on holiday next week, so we'll probably do a mailbag. But thank you everyone, we'll see you soon. Goodbye! Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last time I went somewhere, we were in Cologne around Gamescom, I was with Ravs and a couple of other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to a bar to have some big brewskies and we had to wait at the bar, but we were just chatting to the bartender and all the bar staff while they were just doing everything else and they eventually got to us. And honestly, I think that's been my experience with standing and waiting at a bar for the most part, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get trusted, yeaah, they get preferential trusted


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's true. I have two guinea pigs. We got them, uh, at the start of the summer. My kids wanted to get some guinea pigs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we got two guinea pigs and, uh, for the most part they go outside, uh, except for when it's like raining or like the weather's really awful then we bring them in, but. And their names? Uh, one is called Cozy. I didn't pick these names, by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the other one is called Midnight. My kids picked the names. Very emo. Guess what colour Midnight is, by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it's so incredible, eh? Kids are just insane. Alright. This is, this is great. Do you like him? What? My, my guinea pigs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, they get really excited that, well, we haven't had them that long, and at first they're very, I mean, they are very sort of timid, jumpy animals, y'know, every little- They're rodents, aren't they? Yeah, every little sound, y'know, they are preyed upon, so I think instinctively they just think that there's always a bird coming in to kill them or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it could be, yeaah. But uhm, they, uh, now that we've had them for a while, we have them like, in, in our kitchen on the floor temporarily until we have a better spot for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got some, we got some, some plates spinning. We'll have a spot for them soon, but for now, they're fine in the kitchen on the floor. Like in a cage, obviously. Uhm, but they, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They very quickly now recognize noises of the kitchen, which means that they're going to be fed. So every time you open the fridge now, every time you rustle a bag or anything, they go insane. And like they, they whistle so loud. If you look at them while they're doing it, their ears like move, like their whole face like lurches forward. They're like, whee!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, they go outside, they can graze all day outside, we got loads of grass, they love dandelion and grass, they eat more or less the same stuff that Terry does, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no. They would, yeaah. Yeaah, they'd get under the shed or the deck or whatever. God, yeaah. Cause they, they're, they're, like, because they're so worried about everything, they're just looking for any shelter. But they've got like a little hutch and like a run sort of thing. But it's, it's big enough for both of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, it's quite good because they, they keep the grass trim where their enclosure is and they poop so much that it just fertilizes the, re-fertilizes the grass as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the rest of it is just, uh, hell. Just average growth. Yeah, and then there's this like perfect patch where they, where they are, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, but it- this always happens, like it's such a good example of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'll grab on to something that he thinks will make him sound good or he'll be relatable to younger people or he'll be relatable to like a, you know, a minority demographic or something like that. And it almost always backfires because it's not genuine in the first place. They don't have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't have any knowledge. They have done no research or anything. They're just turned up so that they can look good by standing up and clapping and, uh, and appearing to stand for something. And they don't, you know, they're just, they're just charlatans, all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but at the, I remember first hearing, um, Google, like this is way back in the day. I mean, this is way back in the day when.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You barely, I mean, I remember like Netscape communicator and Netscape navigator, but there wasn't like much emphasis on a, on a, on a browser or a search engine, right? Like you'd, you'd use these things like, well, you'd use Yahoo maybe as your search engines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There wasn't a huge like emphasis on it like now, you know, like now it has become very much like, oh, Google it, Google it, Google it. But back then, I remember, I distinctly remember I was working in an office, like I was like basically an intern in an office. I was still at school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, uh, more like job experience than an actual job, but I was with a whole bunch of like older tech people. Like it was a, it was a tech company. And I remember this guy saying like, oh yeah, if you use google.com, you can, you can find out about that. And people are like, what do you mean? Like, what is that with Google? And like, I remember everybody being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Google, what the fuck is that? Like everybody was just like, what is this? And then fast forward like five years. Oh yeah, fucking Google that. Oh, just Google this. You know what I mean? Like it, it didn't stick at first. I really remember people being like, this fucking sounds stupid. I don't want to use this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like younger generations, that's all they've known, right? Like they would've heard their parents say it, they would've heard it on TV, it's, you know, it's something that's mentioned in television programs all the time sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Web crawler. I, I, I, it rings a bell. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like us. Like us, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, like my knee-jerk reaction revolves around something sexual, but like, if I think about it more, I think like, I don't know, maybe I wouldn't, you know, like maybe for like a couple of days that would be pretty fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know if I would use all of my wealth and power to make like, um, you know, a gigantic orgy. You know what I mean? Like, but like a long running one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like the Hugh Hefner of uh, of his time or whatever, you know, like he just built a mansion dedicated to, I, I don't know if I would, if I would go down that road. I'd be tempted for sure, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if though you did all that and then somebody, you know, pissed you off down the road, and you harbored huge resentments because you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking bought this guy his fucking house. He gets to live in my village or whatever. I'm going to the council and we're going to vote him out. And then all of a sudden you've got a Woodbury situation like in The Walking Dead. You know, are you going to be that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, I don't think these things ever work out though. There's no, there's no example of any of these things long running. Where everybody sort of, you know, transitions into older life and, you know, there's harmony and stuff. These, these, these things always go bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people get old and crusty and they just don't want to be around people and they, they become themselves quite insufferable as well, like it's, you know what I mean? Like I don't think humans age very gracefully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it would be fine until somebody's like, alright, it's fucking time, and you're like, wait, what? I... no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm not Hank Scorpio, I haven't set up Globex Village for everybody, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you uh, what are you poppin' these days? Centrum 50s. Centrum 50 plus?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the big boys. And vitamin C. Yeah, we got vitamin C in there too! Holy crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't really suit like a pencil mustache, like a Brian Ferry, y'know? You've got the right face for something, like, you could pull it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spiff is a prime example. Spiff seems unable to grow facial hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you get more, uhm, from growing it out and then shaving it, growing it out, shaving it. I think if you just leave it and you don't really do much with it, or you're constantly shaving it short, it seems to not come in thick and fat next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just clicked a button that said, yes, I'm happy. And it's true. I am happy because I'm looking at Zardi right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marks out of ten. Uhm, I had fun, and the restaurant had a great vibe, but as a date, five out of ten. Would you meet again? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How, uh, was, how was it, um, reading this after the fact? Like, uh, had you been briefed at all or did you just look at the article to see what she thought? I mean, obviously you must have assumed that it didn't go amazingly well, uh, because, you know, she probably, she probably didn't stay in touch or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it must be kind of weird to read through this after, right? To see like what somebody thought, because like a lot of these questions are, you know, things that you might not ever get much feedback on. You just kind of have to guess what the other person is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're uh, when you're dating, Lewis, like uhm, you meet somebody you go on a date, like what uhm, no matter who it is, are you just like, do you just kinda go with the flow and have like a pretty good time? Or do some people naturally just put you off and you find it really difficult to have a good time even?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like I watch, uhm, I watch, say, say you're watching like, uh, you know, like blind date or like married at first sight or something like that. You get, you get people who seem...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, to, to go with the flow more than others, right? Some people, they, they, they get in there and they're, they're matched with somebody and they're put in with them. And you could just tell straight away their back is up. They don't want to be there. They don't like the person. They don't even want to give it a chance. They're miserable, whatever. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of that. I just, I just, I, I noticed, I just noticed that some people just seem...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if I was on that, I would go with the flow a lot more. I'd be like, let's just see where it goes, y'know, like, I'm not gonna be overly defenses up, barriers up, sort of thing, like, I would just- You have to be. I suppose you do have to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, it's weird, it's kind of, it's a, it's a, it's a strange, um, standard, a double standard, because like, I feel like it's probably okay for most women to say that that's what they want, but it's probably not okay for men to say, I want a blonde with huge tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very, it's a very sort of specific culture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you put like in the pants, uh, like a little dick hole and then you could stay in, in your fursona and squat in a corner and, and just pee through the dick hole?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are, yeaah. So we went to, we went to seek them out. And while we were looking for them. Sounds so wholesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We happened across, uh, an enclosure filled with little monkeys. Little tiny furry monkeys that had, uh, like pink chests. Like, uh, like pink bear boobies on their chest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just sitting there and then all of the other ones are just, you know, they're, they're eating leaves or sitting around or whatever. So this guy, he, so we stopped to watch because we just thought these, these guys seem kind of interesting. We've never seen them before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the big guy gets down from the wall and starts doing this thing with his mouth, like his teeth are clenched but his lips are like flapping, kinda like if you went like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were laughing because I'd never seen anything like it. Cause he was going up to all of the other monkeys and doing this to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we thought, you know, whatever, it's like a comedy routine or something like it, it seemed very funny, uh, until he basically turned one of them around, uh, mounted up and you had to see this guy in action.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was his his his legs were completely spread out wide bolegged like he looked like he just entered a saloon in the wild west. So he mounts up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like 45, 55 minutes sometimes. And you just think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the, where, you know, where's the common ground here? What's the average? Because you can't say that the three seconds versus 55 minutes straight, it doesn't add up, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you should've seen that, there were so many people, I've never, I've never been crying, laughing so hard around lots of people like that. Public people. Yeah, yeah. Who were watching this monkey. And everybody was the same, like, they were howling, it was so fucking funny. There were these old ladies next to us, and I've never, they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we're, I think we're done after this one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just gonna be like that guy who was like, I rely on tips and you, and you didn't tip me when you went to Japan. Cause I'm pretty sure I went to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the Australian Tourist Board obviously were like, no mate, it's real nice over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This little shit town in, in bumfucknowhere in Australia, on one of these north-south roads where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insanity, you know, they're all super weird people. And uhm, they all hate each other, it turns out, these ten people who live in the middle of fucking nowhere. And one of them disappeared. And it's this whole mystery over who killed him. He went missing, everyone hated him, but any of us could have killed him. I could have killed him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeremy, they're all fucking, it's honestly really really worth a watch, um, and it honestly like quite endearing, uh, so, didn't make me wanna go to Australia though, gotta admit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That's great. Bull sharks swimming in the streets. That is, that is, I love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine, like, do you know what I think's gonna happen? You're gonna land on the beach in Australia, and they're gonna tell, because you're gonna have, like, the pheromones, or whatever, that are, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, positive. And in my experience, you know, Australia is very upbeat folks, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, they're different generations. One of them is ten years older and much angrier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I assumed you always have been kinda half joking about this, though, right? You're not super serious about actually being scared. I think they're pushing him into being serious, though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. I feel like, I kind of don't believe you a little bit, though, in my heart of hearts. I think, Pyrrhon, you're a big ol' softie, and we could, y'know, if we got you in a five star resort and we said, don't worry, we're not gonna go camping, we're just gonna drive around the land rover...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, the journey is, I mean, I only had like a four hour flight to the Canary Islands, and I don't travel well, I get like fucking carsick in the taxi on the way to the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, get like, all stressed out and like, anxious with all the people around going through security and all that bothers me, and then on the plane it's really noisy and my fucking sinuses all like, swell up, and I get this like, air pressure thing where I get this terrible like, headache, and it doesn't even go away, and so I got to the fucking place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind being the driver, it's just being the drivee is... just doesn't agree with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Christmas, when you give someone a gift, you want them to enjoy it immediately. There's no long setup or batteries required or assembly that makes anyone frustrated. There's so many reasons that I love aura frames. But honestly, like, the quick setup might be my favourite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I set mine up out the box. You start by downloading the Aura app for free, which takes no time to get the frame ready. And then you can set it to your wifi and get pictures uploading immediately. All your grandparents have to do is unbox the frame and plug it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting AuraFrames.com today and get $30 off their best selling frames with the code trifles. That's AuraFrames.com promo code trifles. The frames sell out quickly though, so get yours before they're gone. Terms and conditions apply. On with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I like that. I like those little quirky quirks of like cool ways to like solve, uhm, problems, you know? Yeah. It's really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think Sips might be able to get into Wu Tang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sizzle. Sizzle. Cause then it- it's even more of your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that sounds cool though. New mainline. That's not brandable, is it? But it sounds cool, it sounds really cool to foreigners, doesn't it? Yeah, to foreigners it sounds great, yeah. I'll take the Shinkansen. It sounds exotic and interesting. It just means new mainline. I'll take the shithansen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half the fucking real estate in London is owned by Russian oligarchs. It's insane. Like, a new tower block will come out and it'll be fucking empty in there, because it's all owned by Russians, and they use it as vouchers to hide all their fucking massive wealth. It's disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How interesting to me is, like, the idea of ads in video games, like, right? Because Ubisoft had a thing recently where there was, like, full screen pop-up ads coming in the cover of one of the games and they were like, whoops, we turned it on by accident, lol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a thing that, you know, advertisers or games are always thinking about doing, you know, especially like free to play games, or like, if you can squeeze ads in there in a way that is, you know, fairly organic, that's like kind of... I don't mind, like, necessarily, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He comments about their appearance and asks, do I look that old? Uhm, you look older, but if I said that, he would lose his mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's this, I read this great one on here, it basically said, my father said to me, my 60 year old father said to me, he prefers older women. And, you know, they assumed- How fuckin' old are we talkin' here? Like 65s, 66s, whatever, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 99% of the time, but every once in a while he was a real ass. Right. About five years ago, my dad, 75 at the time, said to my mum, also 75, who had decided to stop colouring her hair, I married a brunette.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's amazing how people can look in the mirror, and I did this this morning, look in the mirror at my grey hair and wrinkles, and think, oh, you know, I don't wanna date a woman who has grey hair and wrinkles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Very special episode today. Very special. Historic. As one of our members is going to be sounding a little bit different today because of flooding, meaning that the dad garage is out of action and we've had to bring in their son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring in their, bring in their replacement, uhm, from the very excellent Zero Degrees podcast, and Yokscast of course, and my, my wonderful friend Harry, welcome Harry to the show. Hello, how are we doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in the day, when I was only like three or four, there was a big storm called the great, the great wind. 1987. Of 87.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a big wind that hit, um, the south of England, and one of our trees in our garden blew over and crushed next door's greenhouse. Oh my god. That's what I remember from it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not, this is not really, like, we don't have proper scary American style, you know, hurricanes and actual things that, like, Boba has every week, you know? Uh, I think each hurricane that hits Florida does more damage than this ever did. There's like five of them a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they've all got similar vibes, haven't they? Old man with a moustache, you know, used to be on the BBC, you know, semi-famous just because we grew up in the 90s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hopeless old doddering old man on Dad's Army. But actually he was quite a young man. Did, like, um, I think he even did like a Christmas number one. Probably. Um, it was like, Winifred's school choir, um, there's no one quite like... Grandad. Grandad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, the world was a smaller place back then, you know? And so everyone heard of everything, right? Like, you couldn't get away from it all. Uh, it was the only thing that was on telly or on the radio, and everyone listened to the same couple of radio stations or watched the same couple of television shows. I guess even in the UK we didn't have cable TV like the Americans did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the classic. It's the Italian-American, slightly racist chant that probably wouldn't fly these days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Yeah, well he doesn't think of his thing as a comedy song. No. His one hit wonder. Uh, that's, that's pretty, I sort of semi expected it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're right, things like SNL, I saw the Barbie parody they did, it's just Pete, with Pete Davidson instead of Ken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There must be something, she dated him, so there must be something to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, novelty songs, they were this, they were this thing, there was like a Mr Blobby one, there was all sorts, but now I guess it's more built into things. Like Bo Burnham, or like Comet, like, you know, things like this, right? Tim Minchin is another guy that does a lot of those, doesn't he? Love Auntie Donna so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, yeah, he's... But I don't know if any of, like, the real popular bands actually did novelty songs. I don't know if any, like, 80s, like, rappers did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean that's the funny thing, I can't remember when I read this, but if you do something for Christmas, it can sometimes make you immortal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure that's happening at hippie sort of places all over the world where they have their yearly festival and this one couple of guys have been running it for 35 years and every tradition for him to get his guitar out and sing it around the campfire. Yeah, absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I'm sure it happens on a small microcosm as it does on the mega version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amazing. You see this sometimes in like 80s and 90s TV shows where people have got these names that just are old person names now. Like Ross, or... Arthur. Or Joey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but they wouldn't name you after the nerdy one, would they? Do you see what I mean? I feel like they've accidentally destroyed... If you're writing a sitcom with a nerdy character, you kinda have to be careful not to ruin people's lives with that name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've watched a lot of Adam Curtis stuff and I always feel like it's a little bit bollocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same thing that happened with that viral video about NFTs that came out. That killed NFTs. Like everyone was like, have you seen this viral video? Was it line goes up or whatever? Everyone saw that and every NFT person out there suddenly just was like, oh, they changed their ideas from NFTs to AI. It's like AI is the new thing. Do you mean anyone you asked about NFTs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think, no, they, they looked, they woke up one morning and realised they were in the fucking Nazi death cop, whatever, with the skulls on their helmet, and they were like, oh shit, we're the bad guys. Look at, look at what I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, imagine you don't understand it, knowing everything you know about how this works. You know, you are, you have a deep seated knowledge of how the internet works and what's on it and what's out there. Imagine what this is like for people who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they're all like, he connects like, Kennedy with fucking Bitcoin or something, do you know what I mean? He'll have some, he'll have some like, there'll be, everything will be interrelated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you've, I guess what I'm saying is it's interesting that this thing happened and this thing interesting happened. Is that a coincidence? I'm always like, probably, but he's always like, this is caused it, you know, or this is on purpose or this is related. And I'm, I'm kind of like, you know, it is fascinating that he digs through all this archival footage and finds these connections.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well of course, because it's reassuring to think that everything is connected, not just random garbage that's happened in a random order, you know, it's kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want to have that gre- like, like when a- this is why conspiracy theories happen so often, it's because we want to believe that there's a, a higher pattern when something awful happens, uhm, you know, we wanna, we wanna think that it was a rational thing rather than just the, the bad, just chance or, you know, uhm, idiots or, or crazy people. I do, I do find it entertaining that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, she just brought you four meals and a bottle of champagne?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my question is, I've tried this sort of thing before, and the seats are, they don't like, line up so it can be comfortable to lie down across the gym. They've got the bumps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's why they can't, there's like a, they can't give two fluffy big plush ones or else they'd end up with the laundry just jammed full. So it's kind of like a how small can we make this blanket while also, you know, keeping it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because the Americans who like to, they get, I get to England and it'll set my thermostat to 18. That's like a standard thing. It's like, and if they don't have aircon in the hotel that they can set to 18 and sleep in the cold, freezing fucking cold, then they go crazy apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, yeah, I think that's why it's so fucking cold, but yeah, I've got my like, plane gear set up, like, pretty much sorted now, and it makes the whole thing a lot more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a big fluffy hoodie, like you said, big fluffy pants, um, comfy pants, like trainers, and then I have like usually some sort of extra blanket or like cushion in my bag that I bring in with me just to like kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, so there's a way you can prop yourself up, or like, support yourself against a window, or, you know. I've done enough of the trips where I've like, fallen asleep with my head against a panel, like a vibrating...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they give you this in uhm, I haven't done a, yeah, they always give you like a little pack with the toothpaste and the toothbrush in there and stuff like that. Uhm, so you don't need to bring those yourself, but it's nice to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like snacks as well, like, like, chewy sweets and some crisps because I don't know about you guys, but my fucking head feels like it's going to explode when during like takeoff and landing I get like such


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've, well sometimes when I do that, that's called a Valsalva maneuver. No, it's not. Isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well whenever I do that sometimes it completely fucking feels like something in my head is gonna explode. So no, I try not to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can do it gently. I do it all the time. But every time, I used to be fine when I was younger, but now if I try and do it, it like, just, it feels like I'm fucking about to like, smack, like rip through a fucking sinus or something. It terrifies me. Don't do it too hard. I have to be gentle with myself. Yeah, well I go ham, I go hard. He's not, he's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've not seen it, we must sound awful, but they are fucking crazy as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People in America are not the same. They're basically the people that we have in mental institutions here. They're just on the streets instead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Queen Square is the nicest address as well, in central Bristol. And he was having a great time smoking crack in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would always be watching Frasier, like 7th, 8th, 8th, and it always hooked you in, right, because it was such a interesting show, it's such a good show, and I would always have to run for my bus, I remember, because I was watching the end of this episode of Frasier, or my dad would cut me off, he'd be like, you better go now! You're turning it off!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it certainly does in those central areas like Saint Lloyd and San Francisco, you know, that, that is like, you know, if you had to put a pin on the word Seattle on the map and you actually go to where that pin is, you know, that is, there's going to be 15 homeless people piled up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that's what often happens. Yeah. Like, we did that in Vancouver, I remember. We were just, we were like, oh let's go for a walk, and then suddenly, like, there's literally needles in the road. That's the bad bit. Yeah, I know the bit. And there's this queue of crazy people, and you know, and you're like, oh no, and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's got a great, he's got a great voice, right? He's very friendly. He's got, he says, cause he's Irish, isn't he, as well, right? He is, he's very Irish, yeah. So, that, that, everyone loves the Irish accent, especially the Americans. They can't get enough of it. It's true. Do you know what I mean? It's very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interestingly, when I was in TwitchCon Paris, uh, a friend, I met this, um, person was chatting to them and they worked for Airbus or whatever the fucking, I think it's the French equivalent of Boeing, right? The big, huge European plane manufacturer. And his, he, in his spare time, he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has like a collection of 3D printers that print stuff in metal and stuff like that. He's got this like whole, it was so, he was such an interesting man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, apparently you can make these crazy things. And he was like saying how it was his hobby, but then he was going to start making them use it in the, in the factories as well, like take it through into their business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, so yeah, you can build like these incredible pieces. Apparently it's the future through the printing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder about this because like the, you know how on photocopiers and printers they, the manufacturers of them have to build software that means you can't print currency, right? And so it's like, it recognises if you put like a £10 note in Photoshop or in a photocopier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, no. Adobe and all these people have, have, have relate, they're legally required to put in money recognition stuff. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's this whole thing that you can't do, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is kinda weird that our printers aren't good enough to do money, like, real good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure it's possible. I heard there was a bunch of North Koreans, like, doing really good counterfeits as well, of money. Really? So apparently, like, countries can do this, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They call them super dollars. It's a very high counterfeit US $100 bill. And apparently since 2011...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've been in worldwide circulation from the late 1980s. Wow. Yeah, there was huge amounts of them done apparently. And North Korea is the possible source that people have talked about as where they've come from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wouldn't surprise me though. That is really, really interesting. Well, I guess they, they, you know, the hundred dollar bills, a lot of them get into a briefcase. You know, at least it used to be a lot more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, uhm, I'm sure we'll hear about, uh, the- well, the thing is, Pirian always tells me, and Harry, and other people, all these things at the pub, and he says, oh, I can't tell you this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it sounds like they were the same offices that I went to when I was there, um, with Sips. And it was nuts. Like, yeah, but this is what you expect from a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Valve have one of the highest ratios of amount of money made per employee. That's one of these metrics that they use to measure these companies. Like the average Apple, they have like half a million dollars per employee or whatever, but it's actually like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine how much they have to pay for it, you know, given that it's like 800 pounds per earn of coffee. That must cost them an absolute bomb. Plus they got the gym, they got laundry on site as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, yeah, it's uhm, and yet, and yet, people, I know many people who've, who've gone there, done it for a year and been like, nope, I'm leaving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a different world, um, but yeah, I'm, I'm, yeah, god. We could talk about it all day, because I remember it was such a... Such an interesting place. That's such a peak behind the curtain. That is a real...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what it is. I mean, it's weird that we all have our own, like, because Sips has a friend at Valve, and I have a friend at Valve, and then we've got our Jingle Jam contact at Valve, who we're quite friendly with, and then you've got your friends at Valve separately. So it's weird that we do have, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you think of them as so private and secret and difficult to, to kind of be in touch with, but actually we've all got...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not for everyone. Like, I think that their systems and the things they, the way they work is very unusual and different and unique. Yeah, for sure. Holy crap. Barry, thank you for joining us on this episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well we'll see you next week everyone. Hopefully Sips will be less flooded then and everything will be back to normal. But I might be going away on holiday and so Barry might come back and cover for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was that, uh, and the internet, I couldn't stream for like nearly two weeks, because the virgin media were so fucking useless. And, um, what else? Oh, and I had a terrible cold the last week as well, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I got really sick of people. Listen, let's say you're trying to be helpful, which is the, the, the, the pleasant way of putting the kind of help I was getting. People trying to be helpful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The day before I'm gonna go pick up, uh, Big Mama Flax from, from Bournemouth and bring her up for Christmas, which is like a thing we do every year, god help us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the boiler stops working. It's making awful noises.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this plumber comes and he fills up the system and the water, when he turns it on, the water just drops out like straight away. So I was like alright, but this is new, this hasn't been happening for a long time, this is brand new, so the boiler's got no pressure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So because I thought he could have just isolated it so we just had hot water and he isolated the hot water from the central heating but he didn't do that or he couldn't do that, I'm not sure which. So essentially we were left with no hot water and no heating over the Christmas period with my mama.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So behind the fridge, in the wall, the pipe coming down from the boiler that goes to the downstairs area, something had come loose. So he smashes open the wall with a hammer, cobbers some of the floor up with a hammer, and there it is, and this pipe, there's just water like foaming out of this pipe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, it is insane. Like, if you look up how many planes are over,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if, uh, yeaah, that is actually interesting. I was gonna say maybe they can't track them, but there is one. AIC-111, from Delhi to London, flying right over Russia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard the whole birds aren't real thing, where they think they're all CIA robots or something like that. Which is like, I think that's kind of a meme. But there are people who believe it. Uhm, but I haven't heard the planes aren't real. So what do they say to people who've been on a plane?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He moves too slowly. Fucking get a wiggle on, son. He's just, he's put on a bit of timber, and now he's just sort of like, sashaying his way around the set, barely doing anything, and he just turns up at what they're all in this one fucking town. Poirot's a jet-setting genius, he's all over the place solving crimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my, my, uh, my wife and my youngest love. LOVE traitors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But given that there's money at stake, I honestly think it's one of the biggest miscarriages of justice in game show history in the UK.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched the first episode of the second season last night, or the night before, as I'm sure you did. Let me tell you something, if I was a traitor, that lad with, what has he got, he's got one leg or something like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see. It was never mentioned by anybody. It's a classic Mafia play. If you think, like essentially you can't trust anyone in Mafia, right? And this is just a jazzed up version of Mafia. If you have the guts to vote your fellow traitors out, especially when you have confirmation, as you did in the traitors, in Mafia you don't have confirmation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I thought we could basically do like an EastEnders style thing, where you have once a week an episode goes out and we basically script like drama around the office and other locations so we'd have the pub


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the plane suddenly drops and you feel that feeling of your stomach going up, is that your organs sloshing about a little bit inside you? Email us in, because we do mailbag episodes, I'd love to know. I know there's some movement. Your organs do jiggle a bit in there. They're all like, strapped down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, my point is, where are these mid-range, mid-budget films?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where are they? They've disappeared. It's all or nothing. It's either an indie movie that costs nothing or some huge fucking 200 million dollar production. They're all swinging for the fences. They all want that one and a half to two billion dollar take.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played the System Shock remake, dreadful, really bad, uhm, it's just, just not a good game. It's just, it's too much like a game that came out in the mid-90s. It's like, why would you do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want to go backwards. It's like saying cars were better when you had to crank them to start them. It's no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people that weren't there, you can't claim nostalgia. You're just playing an older game from before we learned things. It's like saying, to me, it's the gaming equivalent of being an anti-vaxxer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Uh, today you're joining me, uh, Lewis, also Sips, hello, and Tyrion. Hello. Uh, hello. It's, it's a lovely rainy March day here in Bristol. Huh. Not raining here. It ain't raining here neither.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has to be pretty good to be a hand-me-down with teenagers, right? They ain't no charity cases. Indeed. They want new stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is cause people have got nothing else to do. Like, like Pyrrhus said, they're old, or they're like, bored, or they've got this tiny...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The box factory job life, and they care about fuck all but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ruby, the neighbour who parks at two inches into my allocated spot, which is not allocated in front of my driveway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because even though, but it's all we all understand, we've spoken to one traffic warden one time and told him...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, but I guess the whole problem is with this, is that the traffic wardens, A, shouldn't be getting into this kind of nonsense anyway, they should just put the ticket in and run off, you know what I mean? As soon as someone's up in their face, they should be walking away, like, they should not be escalating this or trying to talk them down. You shouldn't even be able to negotiate with traffic wardens, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no allocated space in front of your driveway. You are still parking on the road and you know you rolled the dice, right? Even though you're like, you're like, in the right, in your head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, if you wanna rip a ticket off your car and throw it on the floor, go for it, right? But they'll still send you the fucking ticket, right? Like, there's no-one's in the right here, for a start, with all these middle-class Twickenham livers with their second car parked out in front of their house, but still on the road. I mean, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one likes being slapped with a fine from a traffic warden, especially for something that they think is they're not doing anything wrong. I mean, it's like a massive injustice, and you can see why they're really mad about it, but actually yelling at a guy who's basically, you know, paid to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta invent some tickets. Yeah, so you can see like, everyone's shit in this, there's not an asshole here, but I do think that getting in someone's face and yelling at them is a real not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very easy to adapt into, you know, combine all these stories together that you've heard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, right? Star Wars, Indiana Jones. First of all, even today, a lot of officers still talk like that, right? Sandhurst, it's a very British upper-class military thing, you know, Prince Harry serving in the military, it's still a thing. It was really exaggerated in the 1940s, right, because there was this quote of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's still a lot of different culture, especially in the military of the time, you know, at least in the officer class. So I don't think it's completely inaccurate historically. Although, of course,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The conflict has to be with the people who are your bosses, or the people who are your rivals in doing it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, like, it's, again, this is a very, it is very possible that Steven Spielberg had a very patriotic American...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, kids grow up learning all the good things their country did, but they don't learn all the terrible things they did, because we got enough of that anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a American-centric upbringing due to listening to all those radio waves sent over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But your dog, in this instance, actually knows. Because your dog is your computer. Exactly. Uh, it's better to be careful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can gain access to and steal your personal data. But ExpressVPN creates a secure encrypted tunnel


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have. Uhm, you know you're on GTA Online? No. Which we've played quite a lot of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that happens. Well, I mean, we play a bit of GT Online while we're waiting to do playlists sometimes, and uhm, we've been doing it for like, playing GT Online for like ten years now, it's thousands of hours probably. It's just a fun thing to shoot shit with. But, you can't drive the train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna have to check that out, because it's great news. Um, there's some more heists and stuff. I mean, again, isn't it crazy that it's been 11 years since GTA 1? It's crazy. It is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Toyota have made a motorbike that looks like a Pokemon. Fuck off. Really? It's a motorcycle, uh, you can Google it. Toyota?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what, like a transformer? You know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, yeah, I don't really know... let's move on. The next thing is, uh, Andrew Tate has been re-arrested, right? Cobra Tate nicked again for being another


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, this guy accidentally blabbed, or deliberately blabbed that Andrew Tate had this escape plan to get out of Romania, or get out of, or UK, or whatever. Anyway, he got re-arrested. Which is great because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the back of another streamer's. I guess, like, y'know, they're all just awful, aren't they? But, in a sense, being awful to your friends. I guess that just goes to show, doesn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, that is it, uhm, okay, this one's weird, uhm, apparently, you know, have you seen, have you seen Madame Webb?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it? It's the new Morbius. It's the new Marvel superhero flick. Oh, I don't know. I'm so out of the loop with all that. The plot sounds like it's written by an AI. It's dreadful. It's just awful. Every line reading feels like it's on a zoom delay. It's just such a badly edited shit movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, she, that's alright. According to a new report, loads of people are trying to find images of Sydney Sweeney's bare breasts on ex-formerly Twitter. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She had a supporting role. She's not actually the star. Sorry. Supporting role. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently, like, trolls and hackers and nefarious people are taking advantage of the horny search and using it to fill Twitter with malware. So, if you're googling, uh, Sydney Sweeney leak, like, there isn't actually a leak, but malware people are trying to trap you into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's certain things that people will click on that trap them, and I think one of them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, try and get stuff that you don't want to pay for, right? Like, watch online, like, watching movies online, or download online. Like, just to try and get around having to actually pay for something. A lot of those links are exactly how they... They're the perfect traps, right? Yeah. She's got...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By designing and building a hyper-advanced building with green tech galore to try and get employees back into the office, only to find out that the wifi is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. So, it's apparently due to, like, the huge swooped fancy roof tiles, the building looks like some sort of futuristic nonsense. I've put a link in there, but if you can see it, it looks like kind of a weird cave or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so- Move on! You've embarrassed yourself. So, if that's the example of how architecture can fuck your wifi, you know, don't- just don't- just live in a normal house. Are you gonna say fuck my wifi?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next, next! Celebrity Psychic Debra Davis... Who? I'm looking around. Celebrity Psychic Debra Davies has bought an inverted commas creepy doll from an Edinburgh charity shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deborah Davis star of unexplained colon caught on camera. Not unexplained colon!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unexplained colon caught on camera has added, inverted commas, Annabelle... Is she a psychic medium? She collects haunted dolls, she has sixty...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's got sixty haunted dolls, she loves buying creepy haunted dolls, and she obviously is a medium, and knows if they're good or bad, and so she's protecting us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, vinyl records have been included in British inflation calculations, due to how popular it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So every year, the British government has to reflect current shopping trends, and vinyl has returned to the inflationary day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old, old country music. Cause I was thinking about this, cause we've been looking for music to put in our Fallout videos lately and it's like, I don't know what to search for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It started a little bit slow, but I, and I, and it's got a few problems, but I, I did enjoy driving around in the car. It's like 1980s station wagon, you kind of fix up and fall in love with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This world family car station wagon. Exactly, that's exactly what it is. And it's great. I played that a bit, I played a bit of, um, the new Civ millennia game, which I quite like, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll get you one, I'll send you one. Please! I've got the contacts. Alright, I'll get it to you today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, okay cool, I'll hook you up. Please. Alright. It's out, it's probably out by the time this podcast goes out. It's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until next time. Peace! Bye! Bye! Till then, goodbye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does that mean? It means sticking with something you say you're gonna do. I said we're gonna do ten thousand of these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why'd you say it was April 12th? Ricky, it's August.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's a vitamin Ricky B12, that's the shot you get in your arse with the needle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, crazy people pulling guns. I've seen you pull fucking guns how many times, Ricky? A hundred? Two hundred? No, fuck, not that much, really. Ricky, you pulled your gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The B lines, but I did get these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go, smart guys. Alright. Are we ready? The question is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Rexy, Recy, have you ever had duck sausage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mmm, no. Pi plane has two wings, Ricky. Pi, that's what Pi means, too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, I'll throw up if I do it. I tried. I think, I think I'm, uh, my stomach's too settled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so- I can do that really consistently. I was on holiday this week, and I won't tell, I won't say who this was, um, but I was, I was playing cards. Right. What game were you playing? Was it strip poker?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they've, they've, you think this is a simple game, but they've got all the, all the deep strats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, no, I mean, I love cards, I play, I used to play cards with my parents on holiday, you know, any time we were on holiday at a restaurant or, and, you know, to keep the kids from getting bored or whatever while they were waiting for whatever food we'd ordered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Benny. So I was teaching these guys to play Benny, which I really liked doing, and I dunno, you know, it was just, all those things. Anyway, this person, who I'm not gonna name, uh, was doing fine, the whole game, um, but then half, then about halfway through he turned to me and held up a card, and was like, it, it was a Jack, it had a J on it, uh, and said to me, what number is this? And I said, what do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I thought they were joking, and they were like, I don't know what number this is. All the other ones have had numbers on. And I was like, how did I manage to deal you a hand, for a start, with no jacks, queens, kings, or aces in it, right? But also, how have you got this far in life, not knowing what cards are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I totally, it just sort of blew my mind because I never thought, I just took it for granted. I guess sometimes people say, you know, I haven't watched Star Wars, or whatever, and I'm like, okay, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, it's old. It's old, exactly, and it's a meme that you haven't seen Star Wars, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you- do you think, like, there are- okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take your, um, your homegrown goose fat and butter on both sides, uh, warm, toast some almonds in a pan, and add the goose fat bread lightly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, brown. Broil it. Broil it. Using a fucking katana, cut the bread in half, and place between it some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, okay, you know how these days, because when I was away at Centre Parks, we didn't really cook together, because everyone had their own dietary nonsense. Spiff and Mango brought with them their own meals that they prepped. Really? They've got this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got this magic cooking machine. Oh. It's called a Thermomix. Have you heard of it? No. So, a Thermomix, a Thermomix TM6 food processor, hick, I found one on Amazon. It costs £1500.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's, it's, well this one does. It's a kind of all-in-one meal thing, right? So what you do is you put, like, the raw ingredients in, basically. And then it chops them, fries them, cooks them, mixes them, does the whole meal and pops it out at the end. And I was sceptical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A kitchen in a, like a 21 in 1, you know, kitchen cooker thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically Centre Parks is kind of very manufactured, right? It's like, they've taken a wood, or some sort of forest that was pre-existing, put a fence around it, and, y'know, you can't really leave that area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can walk around it, and there's quite a lot of cabins, and it's quite nice, and there are trees, it is like a wood or a forest, but it's kind of enclosed, right? And it's got everything you need there. You know, it says, it says, you know, when I rented this bike, and it was like, if you'd like a nice cycle, just take this route round centre parks, twice! And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, it's a 20 minute cycle, just a 10 minute, like, 10 minutes to cycle around the entire park. Uhm, and they recommend you do it twice. It's like, oh great. Right. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's not really the outdoors, is it? Yeah. Wait, what is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Center parks call all of their places forests, because that's their branding, but the place that Woburn was built on was actually a wood. And I don't think it's even that big. I think it was like greenbelt land that wasn't really allowed to be developed, but center parks managed to get permission because it's out sufficiently outdoorsy or green. And they promised not to knock all the trees down, which is fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just some trees. Just some... it's generous, is what I'm saying. If the name would. Mm-mm. Agreed. Anyway, I thought... So you were in a forest, probably. So I went to Send Pops at the cheapest time of year, the coldest time of year, it was actually that, it was minus three one day when we woke up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had, like, this winter wonderland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barbershop ones? No, they didn't. I think that's the Longleat one, or whatever, the one near Bristol. Oh, right. But apparently, this is the one, the smaller ones, and it was, look, the whole thing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The average, you know, one of the other guys was saying to me how their lodge, they shared like a smaller lodge between


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. I loved it because I was with all these cool people and we got to see loads of my friends, we played lots of games, we had lots of fun, it was great. But I think if I was with a family, I think I would have been like, kind of overwhelmed with just how many people were there. It's like, everything is built for throughput and capacity, right? The whole place is built for like, massive amounts of people coming through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I tell you what I did see, we got there on like the first day in the afternoon, and what happened was a squirrel, the fattest squirrel you've ever seen, came up and like tapped on the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Monster of a squirrel. It really was. And so yeah, you open the door, and someone threw out some bird seed or whatever, and it just starts chowing down and all that, and I was just like, damn, this monster of a squirrel. But then a rival came along, even fatter of all things, came along and started trying to wrestle the squirrel for the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the food. Oh, it was quite something. The nature was really in full force there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I saw some, some birds, there's mostly just pigeons, there's some ducks, but the lake was frozen. And there was this little pool of unfrozen area, where a swan is like ice breaking it, you know, for the other ducks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a big submarine, you know, surfacing. It's like trying to carve out a little area of empty ocean. No, at Centre Parks, I wouldn't go again, obviously. Why? I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who doesn't have kids. Oh, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not pulled, but like a hanging triangle thing that they can, that, you know, you can do trapeze stuff on, that kind of stuff, right? Uhm, and in the middle of this warehouse is a plastic sheet with a huge pile of dirt on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Earth, sorry, earth on it. You eatin' that earth? Is that it? Earth. That's the earth, right? And so it's huge, it takes up the whole space, and about a hundred people sit in sort of a couple of circles around this earth. So it's indoors? It's indoors, but we went on a freezing cold day, but they had had the heating on, so it was actually quite pleasant in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because they wanted to have this sort of, this sort of, so they know all these circus performers and so they had these people doing these like high wire acts and stuff like spinning around in the air, these uhm, they had a series of, uhm, like circus people, so it was, I think it was like six, five or six women and a guy, all of them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Professional acrobats, you know, cause you can tell they've got the big thighs and the big, you know, they're chucking each other around type thing, and uh, spinning around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, meanwhile there's this other lady who's doing like throat singing, which is really impressive, actually. She was really good. Like, just this one woman, um, just doing the whole soundtrack, the whole thing, and it felt like it filled a room, it was really cool. And she kept it going for ages. And then we all did like a series of things to bless the earth. Good god. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were encouraged to bring our own, um, like water from a local stream and stuff like this, and things to bless. So there was like an earth blessing, an air blessing, a water blessing, all this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we all did some chanting and some singing. Hell, you gotta do the chanting. And then we all, we did this thing where this lady took us through this sort of process where she was like, okay, I want everyone, cause there are a few kids there, as well, we want everyone to close their eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And stand up, and focus their, like, um, focus their attention, focus their consciousness on their feet to start with, and start making a noise that you think your feet would make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, at the top of her lungs, and then you work your way up to your knees, okay, so what noise would your knees make? And everyone starts making noises again, different noises, but the same woman's just going,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, cause everyone in the room's making noise, so you could just kinda yell into this noise. Mmm. Oh man. So she was lovin' it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the kids were loving it, um, so that was a thing, and then we, at the end, when the earth was blessed, they were like, come on everyone, come onto the earth. So everyone took their shoes and socks off, and started getting on the earth, and people were like rubbing dirt on themselves, rubbing like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was honestly like, you know, it was really good, I really enjoyed it. You know, it was a couple of hours on a Sunday or Saturday that I thought, I've never done anything like it before, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go into church as well, because you know, we were all singing together kind of. And I dunno, it was quite a communal thing. And like, the circle is nice with all of us sort of looking in, everyone feels kind of more equal. I dunno, it's quite a new age, a lot of new age people with a lot of different new age ideas, I think. There's no real shared...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't really a cult leader. And also the age group was tended to be, it was kinda like, I think the average age of people there was basically either kids under seven or eight, and then adults between, like I'd say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they did, I will say this, it's not bad, but it's almost like, you know how nerds like, smell bad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The nerds smell bad because they don't wash and they don't use deodorant, right, but these people sort of smell like they don't wash but they cover it with, you know, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Essential oils. Some weird, some weird smell. It's kind of, I'll tell you what it smells a bit like. It sort of smells a bit like damp outside, like a tent that's been in the garage or something. It smells like the outdoors, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's not bad, but, and each person smells their own different blend of it, because I think they have their own, maybe it is just deodorant or some perfume. Maybe it's perfume, in fact, maybe it's on purpose. I just don't know. But I did notice it, actually. But it wasn't, it wasn't unpleasant. It was just interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, not at all. Everyone takes it very seriously, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, Louis puts himself into these situations, and he's always very nice to everyone, and very kind of... he looks at them and listens to them, and almost, like, analyzes the sort of thing they say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well exactly. I sort of, I sort of, I sort of like, I sort of like, cause then I think as she looked at me she wasn't sure whether I was, you know, offended by that, but I sort of nodded, I was like, yeaah. It would have been weird if she grabbed your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of other people were dressed in the sort of, I dunno, oranges and browns and, you know, the kind of slightly- Robes, robe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, yeah, they did, they brought a lot of blankets with themselves, they prepared for this. I guess you could sort of tell, the people with ruffled hair and twigs and flowers in it, you know, were the more hippie types. And maybe I just looked a bit like a square with my moustache and my, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] into a Valheim style world multiplayer with friends, you kill and collect and harvest Pokemon, cut them up, shoot them, whatever, eat them, it's a whole mess, okay, and the Pokemon company said today that they're gonna look into it and see if it's infringed their copyright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I doubt it, you know, cause they look a bit Pokemon-y, but you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of Pokemon is just animal items and animal fruits and, you know, the Pokemon are so fucking random anyway that I don't think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I don't think there's a Pikachu in, or obviously a Pikachu in this one, and I think it's, there's a lot of drama about whether it's been used to make AIR or something, or the dev, but it's not a dev, it's a team of people in Japan, and I think they've previously


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, somehow AIR is the devil, uhm, which I think a lot of people are very upset about AIR at the moment, and fair enough, like, but I'm not sure what the threat entirely is. I realise, one, it's stealing people's assets, okay, and stealing people's work, to make other work out of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is definitely a minefield, right, the AIR thing, but it feels like there was this active...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, okay, this is part of evolution and humanity and everything in science, and Isaac Newton famously said that he was standing on the shoulders of giants to get his discoveries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well anyway, every single thing is copied, and I know it's tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for artists to be confronted by this idea, because a lot of them are creatives who are struggling to make money anyway, and it feels bad to hear that your, you know, your original work is being taken and manipulated to replace you, um, which is frightening, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless the government or someone comes in and bans this stuff or stops it, it's, it's like the fucking, I was saying yesterday, it's like, y'know, it's like people who are doing horse drawn carts are like, oh no, the car's coming! Let's ban the car! Y'know, cause otherwise all of our horse drawn carts are gonna go out of business! Oh no! It's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately the march of technology goes on, and this is here. Like, we can't put the genie back in the bottle. I feel like people trying to shut down AIR, it's not gonna work. Unless, and it's not, your campaign on Twitter is not gonna stop it. Uhm, or maybe it is. I dunno, maybe it will get banned. Who knows? I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think, I think that what's happened though over the last 50 years of gradual change is that a lot of wealth has ended up in the hands of relatively few people and yet the majority of people are being paid the same or living in the same way they have done for 50 years. A lot of the wealth, because of things, because of industry changing, like the internet, a company like Palworld


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That could not have happened. 20, 30 years ago. Valve made a billion dollars on Counter-Strike loot boxes last year. MrBeast, did you see he made a Twitter video that made, like, 250 grand? In ad revenue. These kinds of things, this is the world we live in, right? Where, it's silly setups, right? Where, it's- Yeah, you can make that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a global race to exacerbate the problem of the rich getting richer. And it's frustrating, but the only answer is a universal basic income. You know, if people are gonna be replaced, we have to give them something else, or else, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't envy the people who are. Have you seen the Disney holotile?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a treadmill, moving treadmill floor that you can walk on. Uhm, it looks hilarious. What's it called? Disney? A Disney holo-tile. It's like a VR, it looks like a little mat that you stand on, but you can like, you can walk on it, and it sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like that this has come from Disney instead of someone like Nintendo. It feels like a kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something that Nintendo would have put together, you know, a floor with like rollers that you couldn't dance on or something. And it's designed by this guy called Larry... Lanny Schmoot. Lanny Schmoot. What a name. Schmoot. Lanny Schmoot. Lanny Schmoot. Lanny Schmoot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon he just sounds like a fun guy, like, I'd hire him in a second. So yeah, the holodeck, we're getting there. Holy crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, other news, in an Italian province, they have ordered DNA tests for all dogs in order to trace and find the owners of dogs who are pooping in the wrong places. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've lived for forty-three years on this planet, and I feel like I've done an okay job, and I gotta say, I don't think I've ever taken an explosive shit on a train, on a plane, or in an automobile before. I don't think I've ever pooped on a plane, even on long journeys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's how this works. They're private, investible companies, so of course they are. They have to be. And the minute they're not, they're gone. So then you lose the service.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably the next big thing will come along too, right? Like it'll be replaced by something, uhm, before all that happens. So it's, it's always these cycles and these like, these games that like the big, the big boys play against each other and stuff, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well none of it is subsidized by the government. So, so effectively... It is. Not, not, not a lot of it. I mean there's like little bits and pieces of it, but it's mostly privatized. And the problem is now, is that uhm, because it's privatized and it's uh, and it's publicly traded,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's been invested in too heavily by foreign countries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically, every time you pay top dollar to travel on an English train, you're making it really nice for a Dutch person to travel on nice, subsidised public transport. Or a French person to take nice, subsidised train transport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, when I say subsidized, I mean yeaah, the companies themselves get subsidies, but they're not passed on to the customers. In other countries where it's still government owned or part government owned or whatever, those subsidies are passed on to the customers, so it's much cheaper to travel by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just, you know, the problem is they've just been around too long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were travelling back and we, I told you guys that we did, we went on trains and boats and everything. We didn't, we didn't fly. So we took a train back to Rennes and we stayed overnight in Rennes because uhm, at this point we knew that our boat was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we didn't make it all the way back to Saint Malo, which is where we would have taken the boat from. So we decided to stop in Wren and stay in Wren and then travel back to Saint Malo to, you know, just to, uh, just to sort of prolong getting to Saint Malo for when the boat was actually leaving, which is like two days later because the weather was so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when, when we were in Ren, we used the metro there and it is completely unmanned. There's not a single member of staff anywhere. Even the trains are, are like automatic. There's no people in them. They're just like these two, the two, three carriage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was pretty clean. Like you could tell it was like surveyed. There's cameras and stuff everywhere. Occasionally, like there'd be police men or women walking around, uh, you know, kind of like cause, cause they're train stations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, but overall it just seemed to work really well. Like everybody just knew where to get the tickets from little machines to go through, to, to beep the ticket through. And you could just walk through without even beeping the ticket. But I think that's what all the cameras are for. Basically, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they, they go back after you, you know, uh, retrospectively and say, yeah, you did not, you didn't beep in this, this time and we have you on camera doing it and we're going to find you or whatever. And maybe that's less work than just having a lot of people standing around, checking tickets, helping people through those gates and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it must be, yea, because there's, I mean, you could just walk through any of these barriers anytime and you don't even need to beep. They're just wide open. You just, if you have your ticket, you have like, basically you have travels loaded onto your ticket. You can buy like 10, 20 at a time or whatever. And then when it runs out, it tells you that you need to get more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever, but a couple of times we were kind of stuck and because we had like, I've got two kids and then a baby in like a, in a stroller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got stuck behind barriers with the stroller and stuff and then we just, we just had to go through and you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the same time, it was, it was lax enough where you could navigate it, you know, you could potentially get in trouble for not paying or whatever, but you know, you, you, you never really get stuck, you know, it was almost foolproof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is pretty impressive, actually. I mean, it's not a huge city, granted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's uhm, it was neat. I just think it was really good. Like a little bit different to anything else I'd ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so if you're on a train and you're getting ready to get off at your stop, they just decide to skip it? Fuck, that is crazy. That is so inconvenient to me. Like, I need to get off at my stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My name's Randy, if you don't know me, and uh, I'm real happy to be here today. I'm the special guest on the podcast, and uh, I'm gonna probably help host it. Uh, you know, uh, Mr. Lahey was in here about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, like I say, if you get along with people, it's a lot better because it makes life totally easy. And who doesn't want an easy life? Life should be easy. I don't think people should be fighting all the time. And I'm kind of excited because I think it means that Julian likes me a bit more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky, well Bubbles isn't here, but he said that the guys really liked me. Those chips are good. Anyway, I'm just setting the table here, and then we'll get things going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope, I hope everybody likes this. Alright, look, check this out. Burgers. Look at those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect size. Oh, I think everyone's gonna be very, very excited. There we go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give myself two burgers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. What the fuck are you doing here? What? Where's Bubbles?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm Randy. Right. We made up with Mr. Leahy sort of, not really. No, we didn't make up with Leahy at all. So what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me either. Bubbles can do it. Bubbles fuckin' got you guys here while he went and played with my fuckin' seal, whatever else he's doin', so. He can do your fuckin' show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many burgers you got left? You can stay here until your burgers are gone, then you're getting the fuck out of here. I'm tired. I haven't fucking slept this week pretty much. They're not bad. Actually a little bit cold, but they're it's like the right amount of meat to bun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, no, it's 50, it's the one year- No, that's one extra day, right Julian? Fuck off. Leap year's February 29th. So if you're born on leap year, you're four times as young as everybody. Is that how it works? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, this podcast is brought to you by Trailer Prep Boys merch.com. Go on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck on great shit like that. That's stupid. You know, I've got papers. Brought to you by Randy's shitty cheeseburgers, actually they're pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to drop burgers off to us every now and then, maybe that's a good start. Yeah. Maybe we'll talk to you a bit more, but other than that, man, you can go fuck yourself, Randy. And also, just so you know, don't fuck around with me because I've been in training and I'll fucking, I could really hurt you bad now. Yeah. Training for what? Just one of my goals. Julian's been telling me I need to set goals because my life's been so fucked lately. That's true. Say that again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, goals are important. If you don't have goals, then you're fucking basically just living. I've got goals. I was reading part of that book. Julian lent me, um, Arnold, uh, Swartz and Ager. Very good book. Yeah. He says don't say the word try. Is that what it was? Don't try. Just do it. You do. I might.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't say I might, say I will. It's just shit, you just train your brain to do things like that. I thought that was sneakers. What? Just do it. Just, would you shut the fuck up? We're talking about something totally different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean you're fighting a bear? No, I'm fucking that thing we were talking about last week. Guy in Ontario fought a bear. Yeah. He's doing his time to set goals, so I'm thinking why not combine the two. Fucking guy in mind of mine is a pretty fucking cool guy. Fought a bear. I wanna be that guy. No, Ricky, you can't do like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a good example. I said, you can't be going out trying to fuck you up and go fight with a bear. Why not? It's a win-win situation for me, Julian. Either I fucking meet up with a bear, fight him and kick the shit out of him, and I'll feel really good about myself, or the bear kicks the fuck out of me and knocks him down a level, you know, and then I gotta rethink goals and life. Or kills you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anybody can box a person, Rainy. I wanna fucking box a bear or a shark, but I'm not a good swimmer, so a shark's gonna be tricky. So a bear, at least it's- Sharks don't box, Ricky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy that, that little story about the guy who boxed the bear and the thing ran away, he got lucky. He obviously bumped into a fucking bear that was a pussy, right? That's probably gonna die cause he, it can't, you know, hunt like other bears cause it's, it's like him, okay? He bumped into a bear that's like him. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got claws like that, man. Well, I was fucking trying to slice myself with a steak knife and it wasn't going through this. Didn't even cut it. Yeah, but they got five steak knives in each hand. Paw. Whatever the friggin' it is. Ricky, this is not a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A broom with, I mean a mop with fucking salt and vinegar chips crushed on it. That's not gonna do jack shit to a bear. I also have this. It's my ninja shoe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he gets out of hand, you know, I'll give him a couple little shots of that, and then I'll set him back a little bit, and hopefully, again, that's not gonna do Jack shit. Problem I'm having is finding a fucking bear. I left a bunch of food out, something to eat it, but no bears came. Where'd you leave the food out? Just out back, trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When have you ever seen a bear in fucking Sunnyvale? Well that's, so now I've been going to the woods and I tried leaving a bit of food out in the woods. Didn't come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tried banging a chick there, cause I thought maybe that would attract a bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't come. Wait now, wait, you tried, why would that attract a bear banging a chick in the woods? I think some animals, if they smell like sex, they get some curious and they come and check it out. I know it with moose for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, one time I was banging Lucy and a moose came out and wanted to try to bang me. A moose. We had to run naked to the woods for about a kilometer. Rick, man. Rick, Rick, Rick. The animals are like a moose. It's smelling a moose vagina. That's why it's going for it. It's not smelling some chick's fucking, you know. That's two different things, man. It's two different scents. I hadn't been banging in a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get a nicer trailer or move, friggin' get your car replaced cause it's a piece of shit. Like that's a goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many cheeseburgers can I eat today? No. How many can I eat this week? Some goals that I have have been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instead of having two cheeseburgers with two buns, I'll have a double cheeseburger. Cause the buns, they give you the shit sometimes. And if that happens, it's cause of the wheat can make your shit go shitty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The right meat to bun ratio with meat and cheese.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the perfect type of burger. So if you have two doubles instead of four singles,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're getting the same amount of meat, a little less, mine just have, and put some lettuce on it, cause then you got roughage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The doctor says my sweat glands overwork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sweat keeps your body cool. So basically I'm the coolest person in the world. And it's one of the smelliest and greasiest and dumbest. I'm not dumb. I'm taking some courses. I'm doing it on the computer. What kind of courses are you taking? Well, I wanted to learn how to crochet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Banging in the woods was good, it's been a long time. Some people do that in a bad, Ricky. I met a girl at the four way stop, gave her the hook. Twenty minutes later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give her the what? Give her the hook. The hook? What's the hook? You know, when we pull up, before we start, you know, I'm just a good looking girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're trying to decide who's gonna let who go first and then she starts to smile and you smile. She gave you the hook. You went like that? She followed you? So I took a right, she followed me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went to the woods, I'm thinking, maybe I'll get two birds stoned at once. Try to get the bear here with a little sex scent. And, it was awesome. It was a good day, except no bear fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She followed you, you explained to her that you were also going to hunt a bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't tell her about the bear thing before. I told her about it afterwards and she was pretty fucking, thought it was really fucked up and she left. And that's why I didn't tell her before, I thought she might think it was a little weird. But it was great. Hadn't been banged in a long time.