[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. And so like that line is unbelievable. I get like his cough and like I can see how I don't take it as serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just, it's a, and I just think about that line and the idea and Jerry hold, I just watched Jerry holds the keys. He goes, come on, you'll go for a run. You'll go for a run. And he's in the back. He goes, this ain't where, and then he's coughing. He loses his shoe. He runs off. He got big head. They call Lane big head. So they go, she's at the Old Mill restaurant and he's, and they, he's walking by his coffin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the lady runs out, hey, you need some help with some big-headed woman that's trying to like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the Andrea Doria. That's Andrea Doria. That's George's maybe greatest thing ever. Where that guy, he gets in there and the stories are extended and he goes, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, another one that's my favorite is, you look at that, the vet, dog, that line, and then the other one with, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30, 40. Brilliant. He goes, I got astonishing bear attacks. So he goes, takes it and watches that. And he goes, it took a long time. Then he goes, when he walks up, that old man's moving in the boat and he goes, ahoy mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He walks out and goes, oh, by the way, uh, where my fiancee, uh, died from, uh, envelopes that I bought, that poison thing. He goes, all right, thank you. He walks out and they're like, you know, and he goes, ah, it's my thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one that, uh, that everybody talks about, that is one of probably the best speeches of like, uh, the sea was angry that day, my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you watch that whole episode, it's not good. George's is good. Again, George's is great. He's a marine biologist. Jerry lied about that. And like, he's like, I don't know how to be a marine biologist. Like architect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he has to act, you know, he's like when, uh, uh, what's those islands, uh, Galapagos, Galapagos, uh, islands. He goes, yeah, turtle. He goes, mainly turtle stuff. You know, and then Jerry has that great line where he goes, you know, he's like working on like whales, cholesterol. It's like, you know, they're the biggest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole episode. Right. And so that's where I think Andrew Dory is. Like everybody's storyline is pretty amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and so like that one is like a big one for me, but I mean, Festivus is actually- Festivus is a killer. The strike. The strike, I mean, when he jams his coat in the, uh, when he goes to sign back up for work and he goes, where did everybody do? He goes, I think everyone got other jobs. He was kind of like, what were you going to do this for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, and Jerry makes that chicken dinner. He goes, uh, which is was, he goes, he goes, do you make this? He goes, ordered in, still effort. Uh, and then, you know, because we don't hang out anymore. He's got an ulcer. Like it's that line. That's unbelievable. That one, but the strike, but the strike was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he comes in to work back in that bagel place, he goes there and he puts his jacket in the, where they keep the bagels. His winter coat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't put it on a hay hook. He opens, slides open where they keep the bagels and jams in the corner. So if you go buy bagels, you're like, I'll get that. What's that? You're like, that's that guy's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all come together at the, that's where she makes the bet on the horses. Then they bring them over the different lighting and then, uh, they bring them all over and you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Two-Face. The Two-Face. Yeaah. And they all go, Elaine Bennis, we get a lot of phone calls about you. Yeaah. And then they're there and like, what are you doing here? And Kramer's like, it's a Festivus miracle. And then he sits there and brings, uh, maybe my second, my favorite


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not main character, uh, the, George's boss. Oh, Mr. Krueger. Mr. Krueger. I mean, unreal. I think that guy just died, dude. Really? I think he died in a weird way, like- He committed suicide. Yeah, they found him like in dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Forest, yea. Woah. He went on a walk on his own or something kinda crazy. And, but he, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he's probably my favorite off character. Like that's not a main one, just unreal. Like, you know, it's like, yeah, he's great because I'm not too worried about it. Like when he goes, they go, but no one's, he wouldn't do anything. He's eating, he's out there eating him and George or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we gotta do this, Tiff. I'm not too worried about it. Yeah. He goes, the human fun, he gives that to the human fun. Oh, that's right. And that's a photo. And human fun is festivus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, now the photo one's a great one too. That's a great one. He comes in, that's the slicer. That's the slicer, right. So that's. Cause he had the mole. The mole. How good is the slicer? That's great. The slicer episode's unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, the guy just, the guy could just flip out, like, why'd you break in my office and all this stuff. They don't have the character do that. The character just goes, huh, you lost, like, he's fine that George tried to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's where you got the big coat? Big coat! Big coat! Big coat! Big coat! So I'm insane? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's interesting. That's not one that you would think someone would say is their favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like that one. I would say the smooshy, I didn't like them saying that the whole time. Like sometimes when someone's doing something that kind of feels weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that, uh, she's just hitting all over it. Like it's a, yeah, it's a, I mean, that was a huge one. Yeah, that's a great, I really liked that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kramer said that a lot. A great character is just someone that's like, that's almost how you just, like, he's like, he's gonna put you in a horrible situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Season seven, I get it. I just don't like that eight, nine get just no love. No love. The Marlboro Rye is another one. Incredible. Incredible that they, did they take?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the best. It's perverse. Something's missing. Something's missing. Something's missing. All right. Uh, and that's where they do, I mean, man, I would, you know, I say Frank and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, their whole family is my favorite thing, but that's where like the Krueger is, he's more of like, he wasn't in a ton of them, but that was the best like, come on character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's awesome. All right. We got it. We did. This was much longer than we thought. I think we could keep going. I honestly think we're having you back and maybe you'll be our special Seinfeld episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] King Griffey was huge. Barry was like, not what he became. King Griffey was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had an outfield that like, could they have made that trade and not really given up that much?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would have been a very wacky trade, but they were trying to figure out how they could have done it. I mean, I don't think there's any way, but such a funny, just kind of quick line. Two biggest athletes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She must have been some doll. It goes, it must have been some doll. She was. I mean, Festivus is phew. Yeah, that's up there. All right, George, wrestle your father.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't think they're underrated. I mean, even as a married couple, they were very good together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Jerry Stiller too, like in everything he did, uh, I mean Ben Stiller, I'm a giant Ben Stiller fan. I love Ben Stiller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, I think he's someone that sometimes people kind of blow off and you're like, dude, I'll watch anything that guy does. He's another Ben. Would love to meet you sometime. Giant fan of, uh, Tropic Thunder, but I'm now watch his Heartbreak Kid with his dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm a, I saw him at a restaurant once. That's the closest I've gotten. Yeah. He walked into the restaurant and we were hanging out and I was like, he's one that I was like, I just, if I really like someone, that's the one. Those are the people that I can't say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I just stare at and I'm like, golly, I just want to talk to this dude. Like I love everything he does. Like if you feel like they fit with you, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright. This was uh, Norman. Thank you buddy. We got you in. Sold out weekend. Norman's about to, if you can go check him out. Norman's, uh, it's about to get real for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You almost did, but it's, uh, they, I think you're, you're, you're, you're, I mean, obviously everybody knows you're amazing comic. I'm not saying I'm even above you. Like you're, you're with us in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm older than you. Uh, but it's, you're, it's like about to be, it's about to start theater. It's going to start coming. It's going to get crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's nice, but I think it'll go as whatever you want to go do. Maybe you want to just do clubs. So you do whatever you want to go do, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, yeaah, I think you can do whatever you want, man. Selling these clubs, it's not easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not easy to sell out clubs. You have a giant audience that wants to watch you and that loves you and you're a great, great comic and so it's all, it's all coming together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So, alright, uh, I don't know when this is going to come out. Go to marknorman.com, right? Your website.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so yea, very funny. Everybody that knows you is very funny. Uh, a lot of late night stuff. You want some clean stuff? Yeah. Norman, just watch all his late night clips. For tonight shows. For tonight shows. Uh, so yea, and then you can check our stuff out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As always. As always. Uh, alright. Aaron, we'll be back. Uh, thanks for doing this special episode. Thank you. I think it was a fun one. It was a fun one. Great. Alright. There you go. All the Seinfeld people. We did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so obviously it's not broken down by age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, Aaron's having a great show. I'll say it. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rock thing? No, no, no. I mean not even close. Do these rocks when you hit them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't really talk about everything macaroni? That's our catchphrase. The macaroni's ready. That's our let's go folks. We don't talk about macaroni. We talk about Italian stuff. Italian stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you not see people going upstairs the whole time you were there?


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[Assistant] Get out of town, man. There we go. That's awesome, man. Congrats, Steve. Congrats, buddy. That's unreal. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on board. People are commenting, let's go everywhere now after last week's episode. So I feel like we can't escape it anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go folks. I like it. That's the new podcast tagline. You think you're better than me? You think you're better than me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of pictures we had after we talked about this last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, at my shows in Chattanooga this weekend, I opened for Jeff Allen and immediately after one of the shows, he sold out every show, immediately after the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone ran up to me and goes, Hey, I watched the podcast. Love it. And then they had Jeff take a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you were funnier than the headliner or something and you're like, yeah, but if I were the headliner, you wouldn't be here at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you didn't come to see me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's a big thing on TikTok you'll see is people are playing video games and they're all talking to each other and they're just like telling jokes and then they'll make compilations of those jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My old, my old roommate texted me, how do I get in on this drawing to, who's to take Brian's mom to the, to the show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fine points get down to the brass tacks


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the nitty gritty dirt band. You heard of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I bought, I went to a concert with three tickets and one person didn't show up and it was the best concert I've ever been to. It was actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a third person didn't show up. So two people could spread out and I was like, Oh, at the Ryman. Yeah. I was like, this is how it's meant to be seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen them a few times, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said fishing hole, but I, you know, fishing pole sounds good too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's funny that she, so she looked up your special thinking. It was not going to be that good. Apparently. Yeah. It was blown away that it was very funny. Surprise she said. Surprisingly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, $4 billion in market value after Ronaldo shuns Coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think if the queen got rid of a coke, no one would care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, looser and looser like, uh, but basically, I'm basically just eating one meal, one meal a day and then just kind of snacking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, my knees don't hurt. I'm not falling asleep. I mean, yeah, I feel way better. Pretty wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then if you just tell yourself like you can't, like I'm just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can have those as much as you want. You can have diet drinks all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're increasing the strength of the air conditioner. You're turning the power off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda, I would know either way what they meant based on how it feels in the room. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me didn't in my house growing up. That's something I picked up from other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This decade that you both are from. Yeah, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, can I ask a larger question before we dive in? So when we think about the 70s and the 80s and the 90s now, these are decades that have distinct, they have personalities to them, like we have,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In our mind, we can visualize what they look like. Are you aware of those things in the moment?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you're in the 90s, are you like, oh, is this a, this is the distinct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where was that? The seventies? Mid seventies? First time you saw him in color.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Peter Jackson did that. Yeah, that movie that came out, I think it was in theaters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, five minutes into the first decades episode, we were like, ah, that all blends together, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The closed captioning wouldn't get that. That person listed it with the closed captioning. So that's, oh man. What happened with Kent State? Was it a Vietnam protest?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. And that was, this is the beginning of the seventies. This is 1970 out of the gates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, tough one for them to relist, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would want to be on the team just to be one of those guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the warmup jacket on that just reacts to stuff on the bench. That's every March Madness I watched. There's just guys, you're like, that guy's never played. All he does is hold their teammates back. Yeah, this guy holds it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got your wedding ring on. Yeaah, yeaah. Found it. Yeaah. That's cool. I left it at like three different places. Oh wow. And uh, found it. But that reminded me of 7th grade baseball. I played for the JV team, so they were like 8th and 9th graders, so I just never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would never see the field. And the coach was yelling at the, he was yelling at the starters at one point and he goes, do you guys want to play baseball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the end, like junior, senior year, or senior year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know of one my whole life. You know, I can't think of a major one. In the US? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said I was out when the guy was like, ah, sorry, I couldn't come. I was busy at work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the show Monk a lot. I've seen every episode of Monk and the premise of Monk is that he's this genius detective, right? But he's super weird. And.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like six seasons in, Monk has a theory about a case and they're all like, oh Monk, oh crazy Monk. I'm like, no, he solved a hundred murders in like the last six years and nobody still trusts him. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, yeaah. He's been right 100% of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They knew what was going on. I've actually, and I really regret listening to it, but there are audio tapes of this happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of his last speech and then you hear people, and I listened to it years ago, out of curiosity, and I wish I hadn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You hear people, yeaah, yelling and then they start to realize what's happening and they don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. To say the least, it's pretty, like, harrowing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there were people, I think there were people who were refusing and then they'd come up with guns and make, make them drink it. Oh really? Yeah. It was like way more violent and tragic than...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even it was in my mind. Mine it's this peaceful, like, oh, let's just all ship it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how do you, like, is it? About seven hours, that flight is. New York to London.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just watched the Bee Gees documentary. I didn't realize how big they were. I mean, they were about as big as it gets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't Jim Croce 27 too? I think. Yeah. One of the Rolling Stones was? Uh huh. Oh, I didn't know one of them died. One of the early on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen some of them, Ash. It's not like one of my favorite shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, yeaah, I guess so. I think it was more like Gunsmoke, one of those kind of shows. Bonanza, all those westerns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read an AMA on Reddit, like it asked me anything where somebody


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just gets on there and answers questions. This woman I think was over a hundred years old. She was born in like the 20s, I think the 20s. This was a few years ago. She was born in the 20s. And somebody was like, what did you think of like the hippie movement in the 70s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she just had such a unique perspective. She was already like an old, a middle-aged, you know, woman. She was over a hundred then? No, no, she was like under fifty. No, she was a hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So she was like, I was a grown adult and these, and she like hated these kids. They're like, they're selfish, they're annoying. Just to hear that perspective.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you only hear it from their perspective where it's like, it's all love, dude, like peace, peace and harmony. And they're like, no, these kids stunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost overrated band of all time, dude. No, they're good. Just kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know their name? Did you know their Eagles? They're not the Eagles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could, but that if you were just like, what's the name of the band? Eagles. Eagles. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I always call them the equals because it just seems to make sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like the Beatles, the name of the band is The Beatles. They're not just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did carpool karaoke and went to his old town. That was actually really cool. Went to his old barbershop and everything. Yeah, it was awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you being serious? Yeah. So he does have a connection to the Beatles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that really that dumb of a guess? I mean, it's a pretty big movie. We watched it at a drive-in theater 40 years later. It's doing okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot, we don't think of Star Wars as a 70s thing. Sorry, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, was it the first one was in the 70s and then the rest were in the 80s? I think so, yeaah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the exercises at age eight in a theater. It was right after this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just dodging punches, man. And then he does a little, little shimmy here at the end, mocking him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard to go back to a game after that, after fires and riots on the field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're not talking about bobblehead night still, you know, this is how you get people there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple episodes, a man's war in a couple episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not unimpressed. I'm just saying, I'm trying to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he just did the monologue and then peaced out? Yep. That's the way to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, this weekend at the Chicago Zanies in Old Town, June 25th through the 27th. Come out. I'm headlining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like you're talking to like your, like your wife won't let you go do something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up everybody? Uh, this is Nate Barghetti. This is the first episode of the Nate Land podcast. I, uh, you know, I, I did a podcast a long time ago, uh, very, very long time ago, right when podcasts were getting big and then we stopped it. It was basically like, if you like got a tip about Google.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you were like, ah, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but now we're doing it again. Uh, COVID has forced, forced me into a podcast cause I can't, I can't do anything. So, uh, we're doing it here. We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited to do a show. I don't know, you know, I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being. Uh, it's just us hanging out. Couple comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so I just figured, you know, we're here, we're all stuck in Nashville, uh, so let's do a podcast, you know, let's get it, let's get it going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, here we go. But yeah, now I'm thinking about my jokes. Yeah. How do you start your joke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just a picture of him. That's his image. Hello. It's just seven hands that go like that. Hello folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, and goodnight folks!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so, uh, Nicole's Butcher. And these all sound like stores. Do they not? Nicole's But, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] S-O-R-E-S-O-G-O-R-B. Sigorb. Sore Sigorb. Is that the real name? Sore Sigorb? You think that is the real name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope it's his name. Oh man. Sore. Get in here. You have to say the last name or you just go sore. And he goes here. Every teacher. I don't think you need to be any more specific. Sore. Uh, he just sits there and the teacher's like, uh, which one? Oh, I thought it was the other sore. Miriam Gregory. I've been a fan of the podcast since day one. Is that, you think that's right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you can picture a sore. You can picture him in your head. I feel like I've never, I don't know, I don't know what they look like, but I think I could pick them. If you said there's a hundred people standing in the crowd, one of them is named Sore, I'd be like, I feel pretty good. I could figure out who he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sor- well, it's not if it's Soray Sagorb. Soray Sagorb? Soray Sagorb. Like a ukrainian ballet dancer or something. Well, they could be big bands. Soray Sagorb doesn't sound as bad. That's what I'm saying, that sounds like a ballet dancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Soray. Soray Sigorb. That actually is a beautiful name now. And I want to name my next daughter that, I don't, we're not having another daughter. Soray Bargetse? Yeah, Soray Bargetse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if I find some little girl sitting out now on the side of the road and I, she lives with us, that's how you get a Sarray in your family. You don't, they're not born into that family. You find them and they, and they're, and they're, they're put with that family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the guy's name. T-U-R-R-L-R. Turler. Turler. I think that's his real name. I don't know. I don't. You don't? How do you not think of that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, you going Tyler? I go with his name is actually Turler, and he has to live with it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean there's other podcasts, like that's what's like, uh, that would be like if you're watching the Titans play and you go, it's just too much football.


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[Assistant] This is ridiculous. Why do you not watch the Titans? It's a lot of football. Why don't they throw in some other stuff? You know what? They should. They should throw in other stuff.


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[Assistant] It's like they're resigning. Like leaving a comment. He goes, he didn't even give us a two week notice. He just goes, like, it's so funny to think like, uh, you think he's at home and he's talking to his, his wife, his roommate, and he just goes, I can't listen to this podcast anymore. And they're like, ah, it's cool. So you go stop listening to it. I'll probably let them know.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Yeaah. Where was it? Oh yes, the guy we met yesterday. Yeaah. Sorry, I'm not a big, I don't like talking to the fans out in the public now. Yeaah, very nice guy. Yeaah. Didn't know my name, but. Yeaah, he called him Matt. Called Brian Matt.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Wasn't sure, and uh, went with Matt. And so, I don't feel like you look like a Matt.


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[Assistant] Letter Rip. Love the show, boys. I absolutely, absolutely disagree with Nate's stance on asking for a source. You should always ask for a source because reporters, broadcasters, journalists, and writers can literally report, write anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we shouldn't be, uh, to a point that a guy has to ask a professional newspaper for a source. Like you shouldn't be asking, they should be presenting, that's the point. They should be presenting the source. Okay.


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[Assistant] There's your big, here's the sources. I do get it. That's, the system is what's messed up.


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[Assistant] Okay. And then seeing a comment that says, Hey, what's your source is great. I think there's a mix of like the newspaper should be given sources. And then that guy, I bet that guy just goes around and asks people for sources.


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[Assistant] You know what? We should all just ask everybody for sources. Just start doing that. It's actually pretty fun to do. Just go and ask someone says anything or the weather's gonna be bad today. Yeah, what's your source about that? Where's your, I'd like to see your sources on the weather today.


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[Assistant] I'm, I'm saying at home, just start, everybody, family, friends, everybody just start doing that. Hey, is this 20, if you had Target, you know, is this 20% off? I don't think it is today. Well, what's your source?


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[Assistant] I do, that's all I ask, but I mean, get the dumber and dumber.


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[Assistant] Try to go and see how dumb you can ask someone for a source that confuses them. What can you do that can go?


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[Assistant] I got Outback last state. I ordered Outback last night and they, uh, I ordered.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what's his source? Yeah, what's, yeah, that's what I should, well, what's your source on this? Cause it was just the manager that called me. And then I want to hear him go, yeah, the chef in the kitchen.


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[Assistant] Thank you. Thank you. And then I move on. I go alright, then I'll take, uh, a ribeye. What if we were a heist?


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[Assistant] You know, us three. Three of us. Three of us. It wouldn't go well. I mean. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] What would we be? Who would be the mastermind? I think I'd be the mastermind.


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[Assistant] I don't think I'd want to take the lead of a heist, but I think with us, I would have to take the lead. I would think with our, the best, I would prefer to get a crew that I could maybe rely on someone else just cause it's, I'm such new to this, but if this is the only crew I got, I think I'm taking control.


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[Assistant] I definitely don't think you would be at the scene of the crime. No, I'd be the getaway driver.


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[Assistant] No, but you would, we would run out and then you would be like, I gotta let the car warm up. Like, and then we would sit, like you would, you have no sense of urgency. So you would, you would be a lot of, I'm getting over when I can. And it's like.


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[Assistant] But you don't make a scene. You gotta make a scene to get out to leave. You gotta make the scene. I would be driving to get us out and then I would be like, now you take over and drive.


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[Assistant] You know, so you're, you're now we look, we blend in more, but you would, we, you would get us caught. Cause you would, you'd be like, I gotta follow the laws. There's a, there's a red light and I'm like, I know.


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[Assistant] Getting, uh, snacks ready for us when we get back because I think we'll be hungry. Getting water for everyone. And I want some cookies. I want, I think we should do some cake. I think we should celebrate. And I want.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think I can, I can risk having you. No. You can't be there. I would be the only reason you guys wouldn't get caught. No, you'd be the absolute reason. You would, you would get something, you'd get it in the way. It would be, I can't have you driving. I can't have you in there.


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[Assistant] We don't want her to- Hey, there's nothing wrong with having the- the house-


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[Assistant] There's nothing that's not crazy. That's a job that has to be done. Someone's got to do it. Be the guy that does the job or it keeps the household. Are we splitting the money equally?


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[Assistant] You think he really, and I don't know who says it first. I think maybe Aaron says it to me first. It's kind of crazy. I mean, look, I, he ordered pizza, pizza was there, it was hot.


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[Assistant] I had my soda that I like. I like, I get it dude. I get, I get, I'm not saying we don't need the guy. I get why the guy's there. Do I think he deserves? He has zero risk. Say we get caught, he's just a guy living in a house.


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[Assistant] And he, he fits the, you know, it's gonna be like, oh, you live alone, sir? Everybody thinks obviously he lives alone.


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[Assistant] Alright, you're making some good points. CJ, Brian has resting confused face.


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[Assistant] Word is such a good word to use.


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[Assistant] Worried is such a good word for that situation.


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[Assistant] And then for them just to call you worried. God, that's so funny, dude. I still remember it. How, I mean, that's like...


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[Assistant] That's like professional stand up. You would try different words. You would be scared. You would try everything. And worried. Think about comedy. Worried is just a very funny word.


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[Assistant] And it's just such a description that it's not a strong person.


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[Assistant] He-Man is not worried. No. He's like, or like there's, you know, soldiers are not worried. Like they're, you know, they're confused. They're, they could be scared. Scared is okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Peter Bridge, when Bruce told the story about the woman, I like how it's now just, I mean.


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[Assistant] It's not even, I can't even find one that calls me by my real name. I looked and it's what's so, it's just how quickly it goes in. You know what I mean? Like it's not like where it's an obvious, we're making fun of a joke.


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[Assistant] When Bruce told the story about the woman label, I mean, it's just like not like a breeze. When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him as worried, it quite literally made me pee. Those chicks just totally nailed it.


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[Assistant] He still gives off the worried vibe. No offense, Bryce. Uh, yeaah. Worried is, I mean, that's unbelievable. That'd be naming your album. Worried.


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[Assistant] It's the name of my life. Yeah. You really should do your next album. Should be worried.


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[Assistant] My next album. It's just you being, well you're going to have to do one now. The people are going to want to hear it. Yeah. Uh, you know, everybody go buy his first album. Still out there. And uh, but worried is a great name for it.


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[Assistant] Ace here, Bilbo's PBS pick is underrated.


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[Assistant] That's a pretty good choice for one channel. Thank you. Bilbo. I don't know if I should thank them or be insulted. Bilbo's a, I mean that's a crazy name.


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[Assistant] Aaron pointed out someone called me breakfast. Breakfast is unbelievable.


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[Assistant] Breakfast is as good as worried. I don't think it's on here, but it was in the comments. I mean, breakfast is unreal. That's the best one I've heard. Just to call him, I don't know, is breakfast coming up?


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[Assistant] Yeah, breakfast is good. I like how Brickles and Aaron are finding their niche roles in this production. Aaron, the reluctant genius and Brisket is the self-deprecating setup man. Brigade even smiled and laughed out loud a few times on this one. Wow, we got some life out of Brigade.


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[Assistant] Breakfast is moving around. Colin Lippard.


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[Assistant] Brad looks like the substitute teacher that desperately wants the approval of the full-time teacher. That's a great, that's like a real comment.


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[Assistant] You look like a substitute teacher that you walk in the teacher's lounge. Just like, Hey guys. And it's like, Hey, and then one of the real teachers, like you don't work here full time, man. I know you're here for a while because.


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[Assistant] Miss, uh, you know, whatever. Miss Smith is...


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[Assistant] She's got, cause Miss Johnson's going through a divorce and she can't be bothered by teaching, so, but you don't work here.


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[Assistant] Uh, Matt Kosinski, Nate Rantz today had me wanting to run through a brick wall. Great advice for anyone to better themselves. Love the podcast a lot. Bon Bon and Aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you.


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[Assistant] Bon Bon, what do you, what name do you think you're gonna make it as? Cause it's not gonna be Brian. It's gonna be something else. Bon Bon I like. You like them all. That's why this keeps happening.


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[Assistant] I mean, Bon Bon. Welcome to the stage area. Bon Bon! You say I mean you could be.


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[Assistant] How do you say it? Yeah, what was the exhibit? It was Penguin. Yeah, it was different.


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[Assistant] Penguin. I say penguin. Penguin? Penguin.


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[Assistant] Hey, what do you got going on here? I'm just penguin. I got a couple penguins.


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[Assistant] And we got bought, put a couple of penguins downtown, but the other day, the other night I bought a couple of penguins. You had seemed like a guy that.


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[Assistant] What are you selling? I got a couple of penguins in the back of the truck and they're in the ice box. That's how they're in the ice box.


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[Assistant] Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Hey. We're both here. She said it just like I said it. No.


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[Assistant] One's all white, doesn't have like that tuxedo jacket on? No, he doesn't have it. I did a uh, how'd you get that one?


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[Assistant] Got a couple, how much a couple of penguins, how much they go for? 50 bucks. And he goes, I mean a guy like that wouldn't know what it said. Like he wouldn't know that he can make money off of it. He goes, how much you want for the 50 bucks? Get on that. Are you crazy? 50 dollars for a couple of penguins, one of them dying the right color. Uh, then he said, uh, 25.


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[Assistant] And then they sell, that's a restaurant. You got, that's like two pine ones, two pine one burgers.


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[Assistant] Go type in, when you were typing that stuff in. Yeah. X out of the, here. Go Penguin P.


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[Assistant] I swear PR, uh, I don't know what this, we're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing.


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[Assistant] Oh, they want rocks more than sex. Uh, do, uh, do penguins have, uh, uh, we shouldn't be talking about. This is inappropriate. Yeah. This is, uh.


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[Assistant] I honestly, I honestly thought it would be like, that's what they call some other thing. And then penguins are nothing. It's penguins. But it's straight up penguin. If you got penguin problems, how much you want to, I love a guy selling that and a couple of penguins in the back. One's, one's all black. It doesn't have any white feet or blue. Is it? Let me see. Let me see. Is you kidding me right now?


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[Assistant] I mean, I think that's where the guy says that what's the, because if I get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be, we'll be just right. I charge $8 to get in that place. Get a couple penguins.


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[Assistant] Is that a hopeful thing? Yeah. Uh, yeah, so there should be other civilian stations that the planets blew themselves up. Yes. Is that what they think? Did you say civilian stations?


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't know. I don't think they're... Oh boy. Maybe they, but I hope something is called Civilian Station.


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[Assistant] That's what Earth is called. We are a station for civilians. Yeah, that's a good point. Drop off point. I think I'm ahead of the game. I, I feel like an alien talking to dumb humans a lot because people make fun of what I say. And I'm like, and I always just go, you'll see, you're going to one day use this civilian station.


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[Assistant] In all seriousness though, is there, so there's been other civilian stations, that's what we're gonna call other planets. Whereas civilians have lived, is what they say, and they're gone.


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[Assistant] Is it a drunk homeless guy that just shouts these ideas out?


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[Assistant] You can't yell at us about global warming and then this is the deal. This is, you're like, well, what's your answer for it? We're going to dim the sun or whatever it is. It doesn't make, I can't imagine.


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[Assistant] Shooting gases up in the air. Isn't that the main thing? The problem? We got too many gases in the air and they're like, I know, but they're not these gases. Uh.


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[Assistant] I mean, unbelievable. Can you imagine if someone floats that idea at a science table? That just came out. That just came out. Yeah. 2020. That's not some drunk scientist smoking a cigarette in a lab, you know, meme where they, doctors gave


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[Assistant] Maybe he was born with a cigarette in his mouth, like, but there was no rules. That's 2020. That guy's in the middle of a pandemic.


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[Assistant] Wow. And this is what he's gotten to. You know what? What if we dim the sun? You're like, Hey, why don't you not publicly let that get out that you said that? That's what someone should have said to him immediately. What'd you say? What if we dim the sun?


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[Assistant] Who do you think did that? Let's say one of the names is Dr. Khan, the other is Johnny Redd. Sounds like Johnny Redd's idea. You're right. Johnny Redd.


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[Assistant] Sore, go ahead, saw your hand up. What if we dim the sun? Sore? Save your work, Sore, and then get out of here.


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[Assistant] Say, say, you're unbelievable. Save your work. Sore. Sore, don't ever say something like that ever.


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[Assistant] What are you doing? What are you out of your mind? Dim the sun. You went to college. I mean like what? They're teaching you stuff. They're teaching stuff. There's not a dimmer.


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[Assistant] It's gigantic. Pretty big, man. It's pretty big. So traveling is a big deal. It's a big deal during the holidays.


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[Assistant] What's, is it the most, when's the, do you know like the most? Most traveled? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Why is Thanksgiving? I guess Santa, Santa Claus travels, so Santa's gotta come to your home, so that's, you know.


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[Assistant] Would that be the conversation comes up? Maybe man. And you go, it's my favorite secular holiday. And your family would just, you come from a smart family though, right? So you guys probably use, I guess I remember using.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's, you use it in, I mean, I don't, you know, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Just stomp on the ground when you want something. You know, it's like how horses talk to each other. That's how, that's how we, that's what goes on in our family, just walk in, just hear noises. You listen to the whale sounds, you're like, no, my mom's cooking something.


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[Assistant] We're not using secular, I'll tell you that right now. If I threw that around my family, we'd all be like, oh, alright, alright. Whoa, someone, someone's taking some online classes somewhere, aren't we? Oh wow, must be nice.


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[Assistant] No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too? Would y'all do that a lot?


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[Assistant] I know. But would you, those words, I mean I just would love to be that.


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[Assistant] Like you bring your girlfriend over like from high school and you go, my family, it's great. Thanks for coming.


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[Assistant] And then it's, you know, it's like, uh, you know, it's like, hey, how you doing? What's your, what's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the little, the girl's like, what? That's the word y'all, you guys are gonna, you just run her off?


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[Assistant] And she's like, I thought you were like from Alabama. It's like, it's like, nah, it's my, that's my peep bop.


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[Assistant] Comes, has been chopping wood. Came over about two months ago.


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[Assistant] Uh, the wheel. Oh, you know what? No, I looked up inventions once, trying to write a joke about them. Uh, is it the, I don't think it's the wheel. Uh, wouldn't be fire. I mean, I would almost say, uh, lever. A lever. Like a pulley or a lever maybe. Like a fulcrum. What? It's a fulcrum.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. Is that what they say? Is that what you said? Is that what you say when you go ride as a kid? You're just a fun kid. You guys want to go fulcrum and everybody's like, Oh God. You remember riding the fulcrum a lot alone.


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[Assistant] Anyway. So what do you think he's gonna do? I think I can get through a dozen chocolate.


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[Assistant] Which I guess is, I did, it's like two dozen, it's a 22880 calories is a dozen chocolate. What was that? I don't know man, that's a 2880.


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[Assistant] Eight. So Bates and Laura are eight. So who could basically beat eight?


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[Assistant] And then, so I think a dozen, two dozen, so it's over under. Can you get to two dozen? This is the answer. Okay. That's, I think two dozen is the thing. Can I get through a dozen chocolates?


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[Assistant] And do I add some glazed on? I don't know. But those are, I think those are the highlights. Eight, two dozen, one dozen chocolates.


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[Assistant] We want, you know, my, our numbers are not excited. Larry did three and a half. I was, I thought I could do a dozen. Uh, I did chocolate. Start, I think I did four chocolate. Four chocolate. And then, uh, two and a half of original glaze. Switched it up. So I'm at six and a half.


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[Assistant] It's definitely tough, man. It's not an easy thing. You saying 36 is unbelievable. Yeah, that's true. Kyle M. Dear Nathaniel, I am a teacher in China and I can't go one more day without you using the word good as an adverb.


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[Assistant] The correct word is well. I've heard five year old Chinese kids speak better.


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[Assistant] One of them even has a guided horse, perhaps bridle path should be catching these. Where Kyle? Well, Kyle, how about I'll tell you, I don't even, not really sure what an adverb is. So how does that make you feel?


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[Assistant] Oh, I've read. Oh, here's an example. Incorrect. He plays golf. Good. Correct. He plays golf well.


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[Assistant] I say good, I do say good, I say good a lot, but I will say, I do know that when I'm saying good that it's a lot of times it's not good.


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[Assistant] But I do it, it's saying it different, which sticks out. I'm in a job of words. So he plays golf well. I'm not going to talk like that. That doesn't fit. It's funnier when I say it's good. Good is what's funny.


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[Assistant] That's what's funny. If it gets under your skin, that means it's probably a better way of being funnier.


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[Assistant] You know, but we're not competing for the same job.


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[Assistant] Exactly right. You guys have learned about the Crusades long enough.


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[Assistant] You think that's who invented them? Court jester and then in Chester drawers and he goes, I'll just change it to CH and then didn't even notice. Uh, we're going to sell Chester drawers on their website.


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[Assistant] Uh, what do you mean? Jester? I'm putting an H in there.


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[Assistant] Uh, Chris, I mean, those words I have trouble, like, uh, when there's, you know, there's a collision of sounds right in the middle of them, I have a tough time, you know? And there's a car wreck of noise in the middle of a word, I have a...


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[Assistant] I have a bit of a trouble, bit of a trouble.


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[Assistant] My dog met story in 2006 in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, me, my brother and two friends were walking in the back of an unfinished neighborhood in the black man community.


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[Assistant] That's crazy. Unfinished neighborhood and the black man can be like, Oh, what is this podcast? How you say that is super important. That's a very important, I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one.


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[Assistant] Oh, Aaron. No. This whole job is writing it, but they just say it.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, it kind of surprised me. That's how I look at it. If I don't know a word, that's what, just understand that's what it is.


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[Assistant] Onomatopoeia is actually not that hard of a word to say, but if you look at it, you'd be like, oh no, I don't know. Onomatopoeia.


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[Assistant] It kind of just finishes itself. You start Ana and you're like, well, I'm going to go ahead and get my Pia. Might as well do my Pia. Yeah, we're already down there.


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[Assistant] Matt Oregon, my 10th grade English teacher taught us that on a, on a mon, on a, what is it? On a monopera.


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[Assistant] That felt like I was like trying to jump over and not fall in the water, hearing that word. Rhythmical. Rhythmical. Like I just go, like trying to cross the creek and not get my feet wet. You got to kind of, the last one's a little bit farther. I'm like, I'll get there. Dimelza.


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[Assistant] Let's get started again. It's like, that way you describe the use of the knife and fork is how everyone in commonwealth countries generally operate their col- their colter- cut- cut- recovery- cut- recovery-


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[Assistant] Larry! Cut it out. Cut it out, Larry. How do you say it? Cutlery. Cutlery. Oper- generally operate their cutlery. Y'all re- I feel like y'all are making fun of someone that's got a problem. You know? No, that's very nice.


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[Assistant] And it went away and you're fine now. Yeah, I'm fine. Danny Pritchard. Aaron, your foot pain sounds like gout.


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[Assistant] I'm 66 years old and just started experiencing gout in my foot and it is an identical feeling to what you described. I'm much older than you. You're a big boy.


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[Assistant] In obesity is something that can cause gout. I'm sorry, dude. That's a, that is like, I mean, Danny Pritchard just said, Aaron, can I talk to you privately for a second and set you down and goes, I don't know how to tell you this, man.


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[Assistant] And just go up to the front and go, hey doing, uh, I think that's the cashier. Hey.


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[Assistant] I think you got your answer there, you don't need a doctor, you just mention it here. We got doctors on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we do. So you just say what your problems are and then they, I think this is, if gout feels like the higher percentage. Was there any other fun?


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[Assistant] Just nerve damage in general I think. A few others.


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[Assistant] And I would like to cancel my fitness plan with you as you might've noticed.


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[Assistant] I can't really remember even which building I signed up at. Never been. Also found out I have gout. So having trouble standing on my foot. You have the number? Yeah, I got it.


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[Assistant] You can't go, huh? You're, you're high risk.


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[Assistant] Handwritten is pretty, I mean, for them to see the handwritten, they're gonna think something's wrong with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they might give you more money back because they're like, this guy, this guy does it on a computer. There's a good chance they would give you more money back. What day would you do it?


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[Assistant] No, you put some time in tonight. So your calendar reminder will say 8pm.


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[Assistant] And I'll go, write letter to Planet Fitness. And then you will go and lick your pin and...


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[Assistant] But I never, I saw you, I never saw you. The only day I've seen you


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[Assistant] You give us any form of credit card, you can pound tables. And I mean, yeah, we'll let you sign up easy to get out, write a letter. That's how they, they, they got you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the first call. I remember that. I watched that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He called, uh, oh, he was doing a keynote and then, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean maybe in the room and like I get, but you're saying in the living, in your living room on your television. How old were you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the matter? What's the matter with you gasping? Another grown man on TV?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scroll, I'm not saying I'm not wild by things, but I don't know if I'm gasping. I don't know if I've gasped at anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she goes, I don't know, maybe in the, you know, middle we can meet, but, uh, he goes, but I just, he goes, it's just going to be so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long is that kid going to live? She's like thousands of years. You know, I mean, and then he's like, why can't I keep him for my, you know, a hundred? That's about 80 years, 50 years left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I can't see him, see my boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, I can't see my, I can't see my boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just get it. Uh, start laughing. You're like, nah, I'm not going to say what he said, but he's there. That's funny to be like that guy just cheated on his wife, but it's pretty good coverage right there to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just make something up like that. If you can believe, like if he believes it that much, she just pointed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My heart is my boy up there and I'm gonna go see him every...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I have started becoming, I just don't trust, I don't know, I get nervous, I don't trust stuff, I don't know where stuff's coming from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe it. You know, I think it's fun when it's not- Yeah, those are our peers, those kind of guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know everybody's like, I do a show about Bigfoot. It's not harming anybody. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I'm talking about, it gets into like serious stuff. Yeah. Aristotle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the wheeze and the worry. The wheeze and the worry. To be arrived. Uh, you would, the clocks would be, uh, 10 minutes fast, so you're always worried that you're late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that something you do? No, you're worried. I'm saying. Oh, that's the worried ride. It brings, not the worried ride, like the whole podcast is just, you're, you're kind of like, Oh my God, we're going to miss our reservation. Everything just makes you, you just kind of worried the whole day. Oh, I see. Cause you always kind of forget about it. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We think gout's a bigger problem than people realize. And we're just, we just gotta, you guys stick your, you just pull up and your foot's just out the, out the window and a guy just starts poking it with a pin. And he's like, I think you're good. A little hang nail there, but besides that I'd get on. And you go, thank you. We check you for gout before you come in. That's your ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got a negative gout test to get in. We said let's go when we announced, because the social media and they posted my special date. They put let's go. And I was like, I was so mad and it was on my thing, but they, someone else posted it and I was like, don't, I can't stand it.


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[Assistant] I don't know, everybody says it. I just don't like when everybody...


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[Assistant] It's like I, it's not like I don't like the saying, I like the saying. It's now everybody is saying it.


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[Assistant] They're at their grocery store just going, let's go, save $20 today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it's built for. It's not built for regular people. Just doing nothing. You know, just going...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got enough gas to get to the gas station, let's goooo! You know, like that's not what it's for. It's, you know, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is our mission statement. Yeah. That's what's great is, you know, they always ask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some people, someone's like, what's your podcast? I'll do all these interviews promoting this podcast. And they're like, so what's your podcast? I'm like, I don't know. It's like, it doesn't matter. None of it matters. You know, and I might say that it's like an answer to a question that's never been asked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Celebrity Jeopardy. Yeah, that's what I'd say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in Pittsburgh. We did that and Aaron said, you want to take these scooters? And I'm like, I can't, I can't. Remember that? We were downtown and we went out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were on our way to PTI taping. Yeah. And by the time I got there, I'm just drenched in sweat because I'm so nervous and stressed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many podcasts I listen to, they reference you. I was just listening to Pete Holmes. He was talking about the Boston. He was talking about you. So I feel like a super fan of yours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You must have people, big name comics that credit you for, like, their success to some degree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you don't feel like you're getting your chances. Put a special out on YouTube. Anybody can do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it just came up on my Facebook timeline feed yesterday, 10 years ago. We did a living room gig. You, you gave it to me. It was your friends in Franklin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And me and John Thornton Jr went down there and did it and they paid me $300. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't realize that comedy's not good for them. Yeah. It's just not that it's, you get a band, you know, you get a deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What episode I missed was when you were on with Nick and on that episode, I think that's when he said, Hey, I'd love to play golf with you guys. So just hit me up. And I'm like, Oh no, I'm not there to shut this down that I have to fill out all these


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a show this weekend at a church, and I was bombing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I finally started getting some momentum. Finally got to get, get going, getting used to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, we were supposed to stop halfway. It was that time, but I just got some momentum going and then dessert break.


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[Assistant] Because of all the struggles, the problems of the world, for whatever reason to me to realize we're so small and sewing significant, it makes me peaceful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we talked about that quote last week from Carl Sagan and it was much well better said than how we did it, but it made me realize just this planet's been here forever. It's going to go on long after we're gone. So some of the stuff that we get so upset about, it's not going to matter next week.


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[Assistant] I guess I didn't think of gas as having gravity.


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[Assistant] Well, if you're out of way from anything with any mass, there's no gravity.


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[Assistant] And then 26% is dark matter. I don't know the difference, but they just discovered one of the, like proof that one of these existed. It's, it's invisible, but they say it's out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I guess they know exist because gravitational pull, I'm looking at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of gravitational pull out there and they're like, well, what's doing it? Because there isn't anything out there and it's dark energy, which is some type of invisible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Its gravitational force is so strong that nothing can escape from it. Luckily, the closest black hole is about 10,000 light years from Earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But better benefits because it's a bigger company, right? And yeah, it would be a lot more going on.


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[Assistant] I thought I read like outer space is 270 degrees below zero or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throw some public dots in there. That's so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really understand this, but it says there's no such thing as the universe's center. And I don't know how- Like the ocean. There's no middle of the ocean. I think there is? Where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a single spark or something just blew up, blew up, made the whole universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, and then you asked the question, well, like we did the last episode, well, who did that and where did that come from? And no one knows. Stephen Hawking, I think he said was content with just, it came from nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're about, uh, 5,000 exoplanets, which is planets outside our solar system. They're discovering more weekly, so that never keeps going up. We got just like a camera out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's so much space junk. I read of the day that we may have our own ring like Saturn someday of just space junk going around. Is that where recycling goes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, wasn't there just an incident on the space station where they had to get in because space junk was coming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in these exoplanets, now they think there's billions and billions of planets out there. Oh, you just asked about telescopes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're about to launch, so Hubble telescopes, the one that's taken all these pictures, all these great photos over the years, but they're about to launch the James Webb telescope, which is way more powerful than the Hubble telescope, and it's going to show us stuff we've never seen before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, this has been hung up because of COVID and then they got mad at the name because James Webb said some anti, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're upset about calling it after him because he said some stuff back in the day that they don't like now. But once they get all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put his body on there. Send him out of here. But once that gets launched, they say, we'll see stuff that we've never seen before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a filler county? Not in Tennessee. I made it up right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder, they had to do COVID stuff. Wasn't there a fear of COVID on the space station? Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these, uh, these exoplanets they're looking for, I don't need to see a video of it. Well, I'm not going to watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably what happened, like space.com, that school probably sent a press release to them saying, we've determined this in our studies, and then space writes the article.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About it, instead of space approaching them saying, Hey, you got somebody that knows about sick astronauts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those exoplanets, so they're looking for planets in what they call the Goldilocks zone, which is where it's not too hot and not too cold, because they think that's where there could be life. So they've found a few planets. Why do they call it Goldilocks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it uh, is it Scientology that the founder was from a planet or went to a planet or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's not a movie about Scientology. It was just written by the founder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] According to that, no, I mean, I think it's a, like a futuristic alien.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what do I know? But I mean, the way that's reads to me, it's just like he did it to just publish this guy's book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it was about Scientology.


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[Assistant] I think he wrote a lot of books. I think Elroy Humbert was an author, so he wrote a bunch of books and they made this one a movie. Then he started that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's four reviews from critics, but not enough for a consensus, I guess.


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[Assistant] If you only had a choice, you can only go backwards in time or forwards, what would you choose?


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[Assistant] On your birthday. That's embarrassing, man. I mean, I'd be, I'd give it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But compared to me, I feel like you both knew a ton.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well when you call him a giant, it's almost, it doesn't do it justice how big he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yeah. You know, the old, uh, offensive lineman that used to be called refrigerator Perry. He would not even be one of the biggest dudes on a team. I mean, it's comical how small he is now. So, but that actually holds up Andre the giant.


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[Assistant] You ever hear the saying, if you, if you haven't seen it.


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[Assistant] No explanation will suffice. If you have seen it, no explanation is necessary.


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[Assistant] I'm just saying, if you've seen Andre the giant, somebody's like, how big is it? You're like, do you just have to go see him? Yeah, you don't have to go see it. Just go look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They left in 2004, so he was playing. Yea, he was playing. Yea, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody gave me a great president fact this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They told me to tell you guys, uh, McKinley, McKinley's wife,


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[Assistant] I don't even remember when McKinley was president, but his wife would have seizures all the time. And this is before they knew what to do with that. So the way they handled this is whenever she had a seizure, they just throw like a napkin over her head and just wait it out. So this would apparently happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At like state dinners, like ambassadors are over and like the president's wife just starts having a seizure and then just pick up a napkin and put it over her face and just keep eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, they're the same shape. They're both chocolate. No, I don't think so. Reese's is Hershey. Oh. Eminem is, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me? We didn't get that far. We got to like the 1920s.


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[Assistant] Who thought we just had a loose retainer on the table?


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[Assistant] You said you go by its purpose. That's what determines a table. What is a table? Who determines the purpose? The creator of it or the user of it? It's another interesting question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's just, it's, it's just an example to illustrate the question of what makes things what they are.


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[Assistant] If it, yeah, it would just be a slab of wood at that point. So maybe a table is not the best, but usually an apple. Apple is used a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you, you can think about it like, what if I take away that property from it? Is it still that thing? If you take away the redness of an apple, it's still an apple, wouldn't you agree?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's uh, yeah. It's green apples. Yeah, yeah. So it's the color doesn't make it an apple. If you take away the sweetness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the shape of it. It's, you take away those things one by one. You start to realize none of those singular things make it an apple.


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[Assistant] That's the answer. That's one answer. It's pretty big one. That's what Aristotle would say.


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[Assistant] You're saying it has the essence of an apple that's independent of all its accidental properties.


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[Assistant] And where are we getting with this? Ah, nah, I mean, to where we are now. Nowhere.


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[Assistant] You feel, I feel like a lot of the stuff I start to say, I start to say it ironically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it just becomes unironic over time. And I find myself saying it, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. I'm trying not to do that, but like, if I say something's like, that's fire. Like I say it as a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then down the road, I'm like, I, I said that without thinking it was a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bounce has been around forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he wins a Super Bowl. Yeah, like a NBA player dunk, like, it's like a guttural, let's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty crazy. That just never made the, uh, yeaah. This is the mainstream 2005.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This happened in 2005 in Georgia. It was a Georgia national named Vladimir. Won't even take a stab at the last name. Attempted to assassinate him. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, it landed 61 feet from the podium. So not a great toss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 61 feet is like a pitcher's mound to the home plate. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Griffin, somebody sent him anthrax once, right? Remember the anthrax scare?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, what is, oh, so it's like a supernatural thing. It's not, I was thinking the breath coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think like Shawshank would rip the shirt off in the rain. Never seen it. Through the Rio Grande.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, the show? Yeah. Well, that's a lot of Aaron Sorkin stuff is just like, you, you don't even necessarily have to understand what they're talking about. It's just like professional gibberish. Yeah. Just to let you know, Hey, they're smart and they know what they're doing. Yeah. You don't have to know everything that's going on. Yeah. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a big part of it, yeaah, for some of the classes. It was a little bit like your bowing class. You know, you can change an F to an A with one line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did. And I want to thank everybody that reached out and a lot of people messaged me that had like engraving services and they had a lot of great ideas. I ended up getting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was just a time thing. Cause they were messaging me and I was like, I have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ship them what I want in gray, whatever. So it just would have taken long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, I feel like y'all are going to make fun of me for what I ended up doing, but I got them, I got everybody rare, uh, no, baseball cards for a player like relevant to them or our relationship. Like I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When found old rookie cards and autographed cards and got them framed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but it was interesting to me to kind of go through and find players that I thought they would relate to, you know. And hopefully it's something that increases in value.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure. For my brother, I got a Bo Jackson 87 rookie card.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know this for like sappy reasons, but they, I have their traits and both of them have the same traits that I admire. I don't know. I felt like something different to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, thanks. I've started, I've started collecting baseball cards. Do they know already or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's in a nice display type thing. You know the baseball card market is insane. You can't find baseball cards anywhere. Anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, a few, a few for sure. Some are crazy expensive. If you go like get a Mike Trout rookie card, they're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cheapest you can find is $2,000. Oh wow. For a rookie card from 10 years ago. Yeah. You know, it's insane. Target stopped selling them because people were having fights and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were storming the shelves. It's pretty crazy man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they're like 50 bucks a pack, if you were to find them. 50 bucks a pack. I remember when they used to be $1.50. Or a dollar. Yeaah. Uh, yeaah. Or a quarter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a fun, yeah. Yeah, remembering all these players and it's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got nothing, right? All this stuff. You got nothing. So your daughter gets everything. Yeah. This is the beast right here. Looking at it. It's the longest wooden roller coaster in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was, Opera Land was gone by the time I moved here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird. They, they set up shop in the same, same city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have been to there. Do you find that going to these places with your kid kind of, it's a different level of enjoyment for you? Yeah, it's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you get that level of excitement as an adult ever again or do you just have to get older and then live it again through kids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Second, third grade around that age. It's pretty much everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do they, so the, the theory being the older people with the older characters resent the people who get to play the younger, cooler, hipper characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's our big weekend for us. That's for sure. That's a big weekend. July 4th weekend, typically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Some time travel, time travel rides. Yep. Yep. There's a mountain that you have to climb maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they give you stuff you have to carry. It's a ride. They give you, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about the Twitty City in Hendersonville? Is that on there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I thought that'd be higher because they, uh, they're pretty proud of what they got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The racer. I thought this was the step by step roller coaster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you determine, how do you affect how fast you go? Do you just lean forward?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long is this roller coaster? It's like probably 90 seconds. Is that, that's about right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's eight point eight point eight and a third days of, of riding on that thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, maybe one day, we used to do our family reunion in Evansville, Indiana in a part of this complex. And it had like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Batting cages and mini golf and all this kinds of stuff, but there was a huge water park that was a part of it. I used to love that thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slides and all these crazy rides are probably so dangerous looking back. Yeah. We have bumper cars. You ever done bumper cars on the water? Yeah, bumper boats. You're just like inhaling gas. We got bumper boats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always make sure somebody bigger than you is doing it first. It's a good rule of thumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I've ever seen a wild rat somewhere. I know you- New York, they're everywhere. I don't- I think I've ever just seen a rat, like, in the wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With blood all over his face. The women next to him aren't smiling anymore. That's what I'm telling about. That's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I can name another male model. Not like him. I mean, I don't know. I can name Marky Mark, but that became something else. Yeah. Obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're talking more about his May oral campaign for uh, I can't remember where he ran it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, H. H. Holmes killed, uh, some estimate over 200 people. Yeah, that's total. He was getting busy. He traveled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was sued or sued over 50 times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other than being a serial killer, he's a pretty straight up dude. Like if you asked him, did you kill this? He would have said, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 1891 was he started. So he started, he was, okay. He was young. He got after early, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it super competitive, I bet, to get some of those rolls?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where'd they call the ugly stepsisters? Oh yeah, it's not. Talk about the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was awesome. O'Fallon was awesome. A lot of listeners for the podcast were there. Uh, one of them gave me a nice wedding card for me and my fiance. People are very cool. And then, uh, a lot of them said they're coming to see you, Brian. So get out to O'Fallon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did think about it, yeah. Headlining a rehearsal dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean half of my country speaks a different language than I speak. Might as well lump them all together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a, I'm a green card holder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's uh, I can get, I can't vote, but I can get drafted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, they picked the guys pushing 40. Yeah, like those guys are gonna really do a good job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Skates with guards when we're on land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With plastic guards when they're on land. Yep. That's how we get around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in fact we don't say ice skate, we just say skate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yes, it's understood that everything is ice all day, every day. In the summer, it's ice. It's ice. Everything is ice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I got, I got sent away to a bootcamp that was, but it was like a hockey centric bootcamp and we had like 350 people and 14 hockey teams and a lot of people made the NHL. A guy, like I'm 39 and a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guy who Curtis McElhaney just retired. So there was like my whole life, there was guys that I played with in the NHL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, one of them was. It was just, like a lot of times, their bodies are different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm having a, I'm having a brain fart right now, but he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he scored like 20 goals a couple of times. He played, uh, he played for the Montreal Canadiens. He played, he played for a couple of teams. I forget his name right now. I should have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, they're, they're just, it's just a different level. I got that. Like when they're, I mean, and he was also playing at a different level than me. So we would go watch them on the weekends and then, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No joke, in Canada, like for a lot of people, like my uncle, they live, we live downtown, but they live in the suburbs and then they had like one, like just like a kind of open field and he would go down there and just like, you know, it's like a Canadian dad thing is making a rink for your kids with like a garden hose and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause the thing about why it's so much bigger in Canada is because you don't have to be wealthy to skate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because someone's dad has a backyard rink and also every basketball court in a park turns into a rink. They put up like wood boards with like a little fence for glass in the back and they have like, you just go, all you have to do is get skates. And so for here you said that we had one rink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I grew up in Ottawa, which is the capital of Canada. It's like near, I guess, sort of near Syracuse, New York. Hey, let me throw out the facts. Oh, sorry. Don't get ahead. I know, I know my place, my place is skating. When we get to the skate question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if I was a goalie, I was not like, uh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you know, here's the thing, it's a lot, I figure, that's why, it's like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very similar to being a comedian. Same mentality. I don't want to depend on anybody else. I want to do my own thing. And you're kind of the center of attention in a way, like when it's in your end, you can swing a game all by yourself. You can, you can, if your team scores one goal, you can win. If you're like the, if you're like killing it. Yeah. And I love that. I love that. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, about 30. Yeah. No, I played this. I played, no, I played one. Like if you're a good goalie, you know, you want to be like at least under three goals a game. Usually like the best ones are under two and, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played, we, I made a team, and then we shouldn't have been AAA, AAA was the best, but we were like, let's, let's try, we had like, I was a AAA goalie I feel, and we had like two forwards that were, and that was it, everyone else was like absolute plugs, and uh, in Canada we call them pylons, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they're terrible. Like in America you call it traffic cones. We call traffic cones pylons. And if you're just like standing still because people just skate around you, you're a pylon. And uh, and, and we, my, my, my goals against average was like six. I would just get absolutely, but, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But my save percentage was like in the 90s. I was stopping a lot, but I was just getting absolutely shelled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was nuts. And I just remember my, I remember one game, uh, my old coach came to see me from like a previous season, which is like a huge honor. It's like that guy hangs out at a rink all day. He's got kids and he took time to go to a colder rink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like one played, uh, uh, division, uh, division two hockey in the states and he's like still like the, like the point leader he was at least a couple years ago. Like huge hockey fan. He came by himself to watch me cause he was like, we're going to watch Graham. And it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like how you're really trying to steer away from the stereotypes and I appreciate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, funny thing about moose is, uh, if you hit them, I've never hit a moose. I think I've seen a moose, a live moose once in my life driving. But apparently, uh, a lot of people die from a moose because they're so high.


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[Assistant] And if you're not driving like a jacked up truck, uh, it'll just, the body just goes through the windshield and it will obliterate your family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're so big. Anyway, but yea, my mom was really into figure skating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was really, she'd always be like, look, they're just excellent skaters. Come watch this with me. I'm like, ah, jeez. He'd be like, look how athletic they are. And they're just, you know, they're wearing, uh, a dinner gown. And I'm like, how am I supposed to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, he's masculine, not just, don't worry, he's a, he's an athlete. He's wearing a woman's dress, I'm sure he is, and good for him, but I don't, I think, I don't know, how, yeaah, she's always trying to sell me on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the national sport of Canada when I was growing up and they, they, they switched it to hockey. That was like a, that was like a little secret facts. Sneaky fact you could put, you'd be like national sport of Canada is, people say hockey, no, it's the cross. And that's just another thing we took away from the native people. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're very- You're so spread out up there. If you see a, uh, like a satellite picture of Canada at night time, it's actually hilarious because all of the lights are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the U.S. border is, uh, like, uh, a five day drive wide. Yeah, so it's very, it's like spread out in that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's hard, you can, it's hard to tell where the border is there, but yeah, where the light stop is pretty much the border. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Edinburgh is in Scotland, but Edmonton, yeah, they got a big comedy festival in Edinburgh. So is Edmonton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like, don't ever hang out with that boy again. Anyway, Edmonton is probably the furthest north.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like regular city, they do have a summer and where it gets to be like, you know, it'll be like 90 degrees once or twice a year. Yeah. But, and the summer is probably three months long. Yeah. And then that's not bad. But the, but the, there's like people like my, there's like places up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we have provinces, which is basically another word for states, but then we have territories, which is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they have like 10,000 people in it, so you can't, they can't be like, have the voting rights of a province, right? So, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people live up there, and it's like a lot of, uh, a lot of, a lot of, uh, Inuit people, used to call them Eskimos, and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, a lot of people move up there to like work in government or work. My friend became a doctor and moved there because the government paid him extra money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're always trying to get me to go up there, and I'm like, it's beautiful. I'm like, no.


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[Assistant] Why? I don't, I don't like being cold, like cold to them. And they, there is like in this, in the winter, it's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's like, it could be dark for 24 hours. For like, I don't know, for like two weeks straight, it's like dark for 24. Why would I, I don't know, it just seems like hell. It probably is beautiful. I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be like, it would, I guess it would be the closest it would be going to like feeling like you've traveled to the moon or something, like an inter, like a different planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. Okay. 100%. I mean, the biggest examples I could, I could say that are, so all of Canada has a huge identity crisis. Uh, like if you ask a Canadian, you go, what is our culture? Uh, we'll say, we're not American, which is a terrible, terrible


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, like, there are two places in Canada in particular where they don't feel like that way. Quebec, which is French speaking, it's 5 million people, it's twice the size of Texas land, landmass-wise. The biggest city is Montreal, capital city is Quebec City. Quebec, so, all of North America


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, in Napoleonic Wars was, English and French were fighting for who, who is gonna win North America. And the, the base was Quebec City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a French. And I, for English, I think it was New York, I don't know. But that, but anyway, obviously, France lost, England took over, that's why America speaks English. But there are still vestiges like New Orleans, St. Louis is a French name, uh, Vermont means Green Mountain, whatever. There's like a million other examples.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they were, they got pushed back all the way to Quebec.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's where they still are. And there's millions of people there who don't speak any English.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say there's like 5 million people, I would guess 3 million don't speak a word of English.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, they obviously don't have an identity crisis. They know who they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like work with beckers. They want to separate something like a lot of them want to separate. They almost separated in the early nineties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, made their own country, which would be weird cause they'd be surrounded by Canada. Uh, and then Newfoundland, which is an island off the East coast. Yeah. Right there. And they.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were, they became Canada in like 1948. They were their own country. They fought World War II as Newfoundland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, uh, they, so they were, they were an isolated island up until the 1950s when there was mass media. They were cut off from the rest of the world. They speak with Irish accents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, like, I'm gonna do a terrible Newfoundland accent, but they're like, hey there, bye, how you doing there? Oh, going there fishing. Like they talk, they go down by the bay, oh, you're, and they go, oh, you're not, they go, if you're from, no matter if you're from America or from Ottawa or from France and you go there, they go, oh yeah, come from away.