[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How our skin is aging, uh, worms and poops, uh, my dad got on here, you guys gotta see Big Dennis D, uh, the hairless hero, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had poor internet, and then instead of trying to get back on, he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck it! And, uh, and- Fuck it! And it's just our- And it makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not raising them. Yeah, those children are wolves. Human wolves out in the wilderness, just obviously eating garbage and getting worms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to, a big shout out to Dennis D, who's just sitting over there, uh, looking at Instagram right now, uh, for getting on the podcast, first guest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Denzel, Dennis Devine, any woman named Denise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Denise is a strong name. Not a lot of Denise's anymore. I feel like there's not a lot of- It's no Simone. It's no Simone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that name kinda came and went. I feel like if we do the, uh, this is important, uh, drag show live, uh, which I think it'd be fun, I think it's a good pitch. I'll bring my dad out as Denise and full heels, full, uh, six inch heels, the whole thing. He's shaking his head, hell yeah, he's excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, a buddy of mine, listen to this, a buddy of mine's brother, racist. So a buddy of mine's brother, full blown racist guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just had an affair with a black girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How they found out was the, they sent


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sent the black girl photos and sent the photos and the kid was looking at the iPad and all of a sudden the photos came up on the iPad and took it to the mom. Those photos are him in full on cross dressing. He was like a full on drag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it leans too hard one direction, you're like, oh, something else is behind that. When you hate something so much that you're, there's something else happening there. You hate yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was 2000, uh, we were talking about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I get too real right out the gate? Just get too real with you guys? What's up? Do we have a choice? Three of my best friends. You do not, because I am speaking to you now. It's Dean Roland. Real talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to have, uh, there, it's kind of almost mandatory to have groomsmen in a wedding, and I need, uh, uh, you guys to be my groomsmen. Will you, uh, say yes to that? What do you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's the rules with that? Uh, yeah, I think there's, there's gonna be six on my side, four on Chloe's side. So, uh, so there'll be two extras.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nine is gigantic. Nine is like when you, uh, when you get married at 18 and just all of your high school homies, like Fat Tony, Big Steve, Little Rob, like they all have nicknames and they're all in your wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there might be some history back there. Part of me thinks it's like, I know your friend Thomas, he's a, uh, loves a good renaissance fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And LARP-er. Yeah, so, so part of me is like, he's, he's taking you down this road of the Renaissance and giving you extra facts when you're walking around, you have your big ass cup of mead, Blake, I'm looking at you, you're holding a turkey leg, and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Search engine that you can type in anything you want. You're like, is the best man, the best man at fighting and it'll go, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're finally gonna have sex. We're gonna go with just more of like a, a current day, um, marriage. Yeah, we're not gonna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't say it. Nooo. I don't know. I don't know. Blakey and I know that's- You just saved your life. Uh, how sad that makes you. Well, I, cause, uh, you know, it's still COVID times. We're getting married next October. I'm going to be in Charleston until at least August.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your stomping grounds. I hope that's right. You didn't, you didn't come, uh, when we sh- shot the, uh, stamina special there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spent two weeks down in Mexico. That'd be sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you don't want like, uh, you don't, like, you know, in case the bachelor party takes some weird wild turns, you don't want people to be like, on your wedding day, being like, uh-oh, there he is, Cinnamon Adam, or whatever weird nickname I got, and I'm like, I'm not Cinnamon Adam! I'm not!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A house somewhere in like Big Bear or somewhere fairly close where we could all just, uh, you know, do dude shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we're talking. I would love to make pipe bombs with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever. You knew exactly what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just starts sucking on the barrel? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I knew, uhm, never really, never really liked the guy, but he, uh, he threw a bomb over into my driveway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just like a bottle full of shit. So I kicked it and when I kicked it, it exploded and all the chemicals got in my eyes. And I had to, like my dad had to lay me in the ground and just hose me in the eyeballs with, uh, piss, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and I remember it like for sure hurt for a little bit, but I remember I never liked the guy. So I made a bigger deal out of it than, I mean, for sure it was dangerous and he shouldn't have done it, but I was like, I can't see. I can't, I could see. I can't, I don't know. I can't see it. Now my dad's like, you can't see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go! You guys are too much. By the way, our let's go, uhm, how a few episodes ago we shit on let's go the entire time, awesome, still stand by that, still think it's way overused, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was listening to the podcast today. The new one just dropped. Let's go. And how are we doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a humdinger man, treat yourself. I gotta check it out. Uh, but we start the podcast off with a, and I'm pretty sure it's Blake, going, let's go! Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the let's go attitude. So when YOLO died out you were like, who am I? What do I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was talking with me, you guys rudely interrupted. You guys got zoned out, I'm having a whole conversation over here. I know I did, I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty interesting, cause I didn't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I have a few people in my life that are Q and honors that I'm just like, trying to wrap my head around. Nice, let's go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck they're talking about half the time. And I don't want to- Kyle looks way too serious right now. Yeah, Kyle's like, yeah, well, it all makes perfect sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm glad I did, um, fully their, uh, you know, it's an insane...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rabbit hole to go down. Uh, but uh, yeah, the queue clearance, right? Is that what it's called? The podcast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm Q. It turns out I'm Q. Isn't that the name of the person, Q? Yea, listen to me, I'm Q. And they've got a Q clearance, which I guess is like a really high clearance in the government, so it's me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, and I'll admit, uh, cause a lot, like, Q isn't taking credit, uh, and isn't like coming out and being like, yo, I'm Q. Uh, it's me. Adam is cute. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, could you say that again? Because, uh, I, Adam Devine, am... This is hard to say. I am Q.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just wait, next week something will happen. No, they will, they will arrest her. Any second now. I'm Q, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, and it's mostly like, no one really, really close to me. It's mostly just like trying to figure out...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also ride my bike up through Huntington all the time and there's like a van that's parked there with just a giant queue and a Blue Lives Matter flag and a giant Trump flag and I'm like, who is this guy? Is he just gonna like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Step out of the vehicle with an AR15 and just unload.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what, what even it was about, which it's, when they break it down, it is truly insane, but I understand that people want something to believe in. I understand why, uh, conspiracy theories take hold because they don't want to believe


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, to totally change subjects, um, I am Q. I'm Q. Let's do that. Yeah, good call. Let's do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure SNL writers listen to the podcast, install derzies, ratatouille, controlling someone having sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it, if it was, if it was, uh, like dick in the box or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a dick in a box. Uh, then you'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I wonder if, uh, how funny will it be? We just gotta plant a bunch of Easter eggs here on the podcast. So they, I'm like, welcome, please take these bits. I'd love to see them on SNL. Like that would be fun for us. Uh, so like I will fuck your girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If everyone could turn it off, except for if you are currently employed at SNL, please listen up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, a few weeks ago we did a bit, uh, that was an-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will fuck your girl, and it's an owl who will fuck your girl. And then, and then every time you ask, like, did you fuck my girl?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're getting paid. Okay. Bye SNL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To do this, do we want to kind of help them along, or are we just giving them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the owl's facing away. The owl's facing away. The owl's Keenan Thompson for sure. The owl's facing away and then he turns his entire head around slowly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that's weird. That's, that's, I hope that's why you got cut. Cause they're like, okay, cut. Uh, hey, Kyle, I love it. Love it. I love, I know on work vlogs you guys do like fun improv runs, but uh, there's no weird, there's no weird ad funds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I also feel like all four of us could just go to Ted Danson and be like, Ted, and he'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this NCIS, uh, New Orleans seems like a fun one to be on. Like the, the like country guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He always talks like this. Well, he does. I mean, it's not like... He hasn't asked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure, but also, so do British people and they play, uh, Americans all the time and people that are from the south don't always. Yeah, they do. They steal our roles. They don't always have the thickest accent you've ever heard. You know what I mean? Like for sure you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dial that up or down but he, he can't. He's always full, full tilts that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Kyle, you're, uh, you're improv-ing. All great stuff. Love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I remember I was, when I was doing stand-up way back in the day, like when I, when we were all still living together and I did, I remember I came home and told you guys, it was like the most insane thing where I kind of knew this producer just from doing stand-up and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He calls me, he's like, dude, would you ever be on a dating show? And I'm like, no, man, I don't want to be on a dating show. Like I'm trying to be like a comedian in my own right, not just like a guy in a dating show. And he goes, not just a guy running QAnon. He goes, it was a pilot for a game show. And he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll get 500 bucks, it'll only take the day, and uh, if you want, I won't tell anybody, you can just play a character. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say what? And I went and did this pilot as...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played this cool guy that talks like this. His name's Mike McCoy. He's chillin', doin' whatever. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All day long, for 12 hours all day, I stayed in character as Mike McCoy doing this thing and when I signed the paperwork for To Get Paid, I signed it Adam Devine and they're like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Mike, you have to sign your real name in order to get the money, and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, well, Adam Devine's a perfectly good stage name. That's like a good name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's, you don't need to switch it. And, uh, and it was very confusing the, the whole day. But I ended up winning the game show because the producer, like I was just being a fucking lunatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to his, I went to school with a guy named Mike McCoy and uh, he kinda, he talked like this and he was just kinda the coolest dude of all time. Like he was, when we, when we were in eighth grade, he was dating a freshman in college. What the? Like a hot chick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so I just was like, he's the funniest character alive, like just this guy who's just too cool for fucking school. So that was one of my earliest, uh, earliest characters and I did it on, uh, on this weird game show. And I actually ran into the editor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of the- of that game show at the improv one day and he stops me like I- after I got off stage and he goes, holy fucking shit, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, what's up? And he goes, dude, I was the editor. The, the game show was called, uh, not the game show, the dating show was called Going Down. And it was where it all takes place in like an elevator. It was a really bad premise. Thank God it didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, they were like, he was like, I cut, I was the editor of Going Down, and I thought you were the craziest motherfucker I've ever seen in my life. I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so glad that you're not a real, that Mike McCoy wasn't a real person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be cool. Okay. All right. So let me go. Wow. That's dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go ahead. Let's, here, go. So, oh, I saw what I'm about to go. Let me read something. Uh, the Marine Directory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, see, the backstory of my character is I'm from the country. You know, I'm from a little village, uh, but I moved to the village.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] London town, uh, and I've been there for 12 years, and then just within the last four years, I've actually moved to Los Angeles, and I love it here, mate. It's beautiful. Uh, the sun, the women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and I won't be rude, just no matter how bad it is, I'm not gonna be, you, you I think were no, prepared to just shit on my accent. Right. I'm not prepared. I'm, I will shit on it only if it's, uh, horrific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Cause it sounded like you were like talking to a child. Like you're really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you sounded like maybe you weren't from, you were from a non-English speaking country and you just learned how to speak English in England. Right, right, right. Uh, and you were having a hard time reading. Let me try it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I feel like I would, yeaah, I could have a burrito right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I can't. No, I said Kyle's Kyle. I've said on the podcast before, Kyle is my favorite actor of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he's the best actor out of all of us, yes. And he is my favorite actor of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I like that you guys, I like that you guys like Ethan Hawke. That's fun for you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be. It might be. I don't know. I never really looked that into it. I've never loved Ethan Hawke that much. I know you guys do. I don't dislike Ethan Hawke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I know an Ethan Hawke movie, I just don't- Of course you- Training Day? Let's just start with Training Day. Okay, yeah, that's a Denzel Washington movie with Ethan Hawke tagging along.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like, I don't dislike Ethan Hawke. I'm just saying, he's not... You know, we're talking about my favorite actor, it's Kyle Newichick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, that movie looks wacky as hell. I was like, I don't know if I can get on board with an entire movie like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it also looked like they shot it just like in one room with like multimedia, like things projected on him and on the wall behind him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this, the guy that did it, he's, uh, older dude, 61, Michael Elmeriada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you say it, for sure. Didn't butcher that. Oh, say that with an English accent? Yeah. Oh, Michael Amiriada. Amiriada. Cool. Uh, yeah, and it seems like he's done a ton of stuff all pretty, pretty artsy. So, if that's your thing. What else? Anything else? Anything else that we would know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I wonder if we sound like we're from, you know how like when English people say the easiest American accent to do is like a Texan accent? From the south, yeah. From the south, specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if we all sound like we're from some certain part of England, where they're like, oh yea, you guys are all... Westonshire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen that. Fred fucking rules at that shit. Yeah, it's stupor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fred, if you're, okay, everybody else turn em, turn, turn it down. We would like to talk with Fred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we would like those scenes back because you definitely stole them. Thank you. Everyone can turn it back up now. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, maybe that's why I think you're so good, is you, uh, you're like a natural, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then do you flex on him because you're the director and you're like, what the fuck did you just say to me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate that shit. It makes, it makes me like dislike the NFL a little bit. I'm like, just let people say Super Bowl. Oh, it's Uber, sorry, it's Uber Eats. It's not Grubhub, it's Uber Eats. Just let people say Super Bowl. It's fucking bizarre that everyone has to say the big game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we gotta, we gotta get that from your mom and then rebrand it, reproduce it, and sell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Through our merch. Right. Like T-Swift, how she re-recorded all her shit. Which, by the way guys, we have merch. I feel, it's cool seeing people out there with the merch on now. I posted the other day, like, some girl that kind of looks like Goons, uh, dancing, uh, in, uh, uh, this is important sweater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really cozy. Nice. You juice it out or, or was it able to, uh, sop up all that new checks stank? I dug it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, did you ruin it through three days of constant wear or was it able to handle that, that uh, pungent aroma?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say, this year I've gone more, I've gone longer, cause I'm a shower at least once a day type of guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gone, I've gone like two or three days in the quarantine where I just didn't. Uh, and, and it is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a nasty ass smell. There's a reason that we- Did you work out those days? No. No. It'd be like- It'd be like- That'd be gnarly. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but I've definitely worked out and then didn't shower right away because I know I'm gonna do a workout later in the day. Like I do a morning and then it'd be like, yeah, and then, and then halfway through the day I'm like, I'm gonna... Two a day, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My nuts, uh, they don't, uh, have sweat glands, so. For real? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, any take backs, uh, put downs or giveaways, guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, hey, uh, I don't believe that, Blake. I bet we're all gonna forget about this, uh, within a week, and you're not gonna blow anyone's mind. Much like we forgot about the Grammy bet that we made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well we, we have hundreds of dollars on the line, so Blake, when you figure that out...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See who's uh, who owes who what and uh, and let us know. I would also like to take back, uh, my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was trying to throw it away a little bit, but then sometimes certain words I'd get tripped up on and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't come back next week with it, uh, being better. I definitely will forget all about this, uhm, until I listen to the podcast and then in about three weeks from now, I might bring it back up on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have a hard time remembering what the fuck, uh, we've talked about as well, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, hey, maybe you should apologize for this. Like, possible things that they want us to apologize for. Like, hey, you know what? Me saying I'm cute?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are whipping their titties out. So I've busted the motherfucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I am, on my mother's side, the Blasics, but the Andersons are Irish, yeah, mhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was told it was, yea, like Czechoslovakian, but, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like I said, my dad said it's Polish, but maybe he's just trying to diss my mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing, I think it has negative connotations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it just turned into blonde jokes. And then we just started ragging on blonde people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, ginger, it- But what do you think it is? It's like, straight up like, red ass hair, pale skin, like- Like, shock top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe even you have some like little freckles going on, like it's a special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like Isaac probably has ginger. Yeah, I would say he's probably a ging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'll take strawberry blonde. That's hella cute. Or is that okay? Yeah, that's fucking hot. That's like, ooooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean, it has to be? Tyler. It could be, no, it could be Tyler. No, it's probably some old school name like, no, it's probably like Tys- Tyserius or something. Oh, it probably is Tys-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw the movie Gladiator at the drive-ins. We were sitting outside the fence. Like we didn't even pay for that shit, Kyle. Remember we sat on top of the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are drive-in movie theaters about to make a comeback? Cause that shit used to be sick as fu-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know. Guys, we fucking tried, man. This shit was tough and we just wanted to get out of the damn house. And Adam, just to stand up and let me honk at you, dude. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I've never 23'd in Mead. I don't know. I don't know the history of my family. I am just the first Californian born. That's all I know. And yet you embody it so well. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But fine! You'll be like, my first pet was Sydney, the dog, but then you- when you answer the question, you'll be like, it was my hand!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that Jamie Foxx? I might need security. It was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I'll say about Guinness though. I, I have a feeling it's better over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Ireland and all that shit. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Uh, well. I think Argenis is trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I heard their beers aren't cold over there. I've never traveled. Oh, it was warm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went to a regular-ass airport with the military? No, it was, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And guys, this is over 10 years ago. You got played, dude. I'mma tell you right now, you got played. And I'm so glad we got serious about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to say dude, the antenna balls, we need to talk about the significance of a Jack in the Box antenna ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I go out on a limb and say that Jack in the Box is kind of bottom tier fast food to me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, are you claiming that shoestring fries are like what you get at like freaks? Like the really like, like usually if it's a classy restaurant, they're like super, super skinny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well my favorite cut of fry and this is gonna, this is gonna kinda rock the boat a little bit. Oh shit, get em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Bowling alley, if anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they call it spread. If you go to In-N-Out, ask for spread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say I love it. I think it's fantastic, but it's a naughty purchase. You shouldn't be eating animal style fries every time because it's just, it's a little naughty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly dude, it's slobbed up. Hey, I want everybody to approach, approach your workouts with a pure heart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, it's like a kiss cam on the Jumbotron, it goes around the stadium, and instead of like a kiss cam, it's like this, this sanitizer bottle, and it starts squirting on you. And it squirts. So you like, act towards it. Oh, it's like on the Jumbotron, you look up and see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people are whipping their titties out. Yeah, it's, it's crazy. I don't think it's an inside job. I think it's just- Well, is it hot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, who owes us money? Well, Adam, you're not owed money. If you listen back, you are off the project. Ders and Kyle are owed a hundred dollars. Yes. I think I'm right. I'm owed money too then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe it's episode 17 of our podcast. I had a Grammy bet that Dua Lipa would win Song of the Year for, what was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a little beef with the, the bet. I could kinda blow it up, right? Because the Grammys were pushed. The song cooled down, okay? It was hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, I'm gonna pay it in NFTs, okay? I'll give you a Lebron highlight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, kind of made you the butt of jokes in my mind that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's now, it's just ubiquitous, it's all the time, it's constant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's just, it's whenever. It's people, people will say let's go, like, when they get their, uh, toquitos. At a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got them, they already ordered them. The game is you eating them, not you ordering them. The game is you, that's, that's. What about the, what about the waiting game? When the whistle blows, you start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't disagree with that. That's a brother, sister, let's go family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, Blake is our, our resident, uhm, champion of current phrases. Uh, the king of the, uh, the, with the finger on the pulse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not sweater vests, like, uh, like- Down vests. Yeah, down vests. That was like, cool. People would wear that shit. And then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember you telling me about like raw denim and you're like no dude it's tight and then instead of washing them you put them in the freezer and that's how you disinfect them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like toddler overalls. Here's my style. My style, like, it's different for sure than when I was in high school. I feel like my style solidified when I was in my mid-twenties of just like mostly basic t-shirts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, regular ass jeans. And vans. Sneakers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, I think if I was gonna get a blowjob, I, I ripped my pants off so quickly. It was never like a, let me take those off for you. It was, I was already butt naked. Like if there was like, it was gonna go down and it was like, and I'm butt naked. There was no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snap that off, do you remember? That was a comedy move that I had. I would bust that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's post surgery, he just had a big, big, maybe the biggest outpatient surgery you can have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could start at the penis. Uh, so, break it down for us, cause you were sending, you were sending... Yea, walking through it, yea. Live video...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or photographic evidence. Bloody bandages and shit. Pictures. Images. Uh, of you getting your dick snipped. And we couldn't really see what was going on, but it did seem like there was a lot of blood. And it was nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I was just thinking you're already down there. You might as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? He wanted to set the mood. He wanted to set the mood a little bit. They got the vibe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so alright, so setting the mood, setting the mood. Okay, so, okay, so the, so the women


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we're imagining, pretty sexy woman. How old was this woman, Kyle? Why are we doing this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How old was this woman that made the name of your cock? No idea. 60. So the sexy 60 year old woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it, cause it's shrink, everything's, everything's kind of shrunk up, it's hard to get in there. You're kind of cutting, zigging and zagging in a way that you don't want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, we got some sex. Let me get on it. Uh, okay, so to set the mood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He dumps iodine all over. No, she did that. Okay, she did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looked like a sloppy mess, admittedly, but I think that's just Kyle's dick. It's wide. It's the nutsack itself is like, bulbous. So it's just like a fuckin', it's like a, uh, like a, uh, uh, when you fill, like, hot water with something. With, like, that bag, you know? And your mom puts it, like, underneath the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that has anything to do, I think that's for people with back pains, I don't think that's like an anal sex thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you like comedy, I mean, Miles Davis, that's a little bit of a swing, but I could see maybe a doctor being into something like that. What if you just played Slipknot? Or it's just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's just fucking jamming you with a needle, he gets a little too aggressive. Do you think he would've?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so this was at a real hospital, right? It wasn't, it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, don't you, I mean, in case you want to have more kids in the future, you at least want that option, right? And if he can't find...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You lost my best deference, dude. Uh, so how do you feel now that you are shooting blanks? Is it, uh, do you have to, are we about to find out if the movie holds any weight of you having to jerk off two thousand times?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have to jerk off and ejaculate 25 times in order for your wife not to get pregnant when you have sex with her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When can you start blasting off to the moon and how quickly are you gonna try to go through these twenty five are you gonna are you gonna say yo let me set a land speed record and blast off twenty five in like two or three days or you gonna say I'm gonna spread this out over a couple weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did, did I tell you that my mom, that we, I might have told this story, but when I was in Houston, we go on a walk, and I accidentally, I got them an Airbnb, and I got them a, I couldn't help myself, uh, no, I got them this Airbnb, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was an expensive Airbnb who cost like 10 grand for the month. And I was like okay, you know, that's, that's gonna be a nice place for them to stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's crack some skulls. I'll let them know. No, and they, but it actually wasn't like, it was like in the, it truly was in the hood. And so it was crazy. I was like, what the fuck? Truly. And so we go on this, this hike and you like walk past like a legit, uh, like a trash, what, what do they call that? A dump?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and he's sitting in the car, just alone, staring ahead, and then I see a top of the head, just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I'm glad that you're, um, that you're cocky. How's it going now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now it's hurting. Excellent, very good, good, fair, or poor. Poor. I was feeling poor. It is feeling poor. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank God that didn't happen, but. Well, I'm, I'm very, uh, I'm happy that the surgery went okay. We were all a little worried seeing the amount of blood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle was, uh, live, he was texting us as it was happening, he was like, I'm going under the knife, then like two minutes later, I'm at work, and it was, uh, where I'm shooting right now, I'm not getting great cell reception, so it was coming in, like, way after the fact, but I could see when you sent it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm shooting in a, uh, pretty cool place right now. I'm in this place off of, like, two hours south of Charleston, South Carolina, for shooting the righteous gemstones. Beautiful. And we're shooting at this island called Fripp Island. What is it? Sorry, what is Fripp?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fripp? Like our guitar player? Is that named over a person? Yeah, what's a Fripp? What's a Fripp? I have no idea. I think it's a guy's name. Like his last name. Fripp. John Fripp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No joke dude, every day, like Chloe posted on her story the other day about it might still be up. Yea, this giant buck, like this big buck, this ten point buck comes right up to me and I'm like grilling and have like food out and he just stands like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having a real bonding moment with the deer and all I could think about was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he charged me, I think I could have grabbed the antlers. And I do feel, I do feel in my heart of hearts, I could have taken this deer down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cats actually scare me. At least, deer... I feel like deer don't wanna fuck with you unless...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, these deer on Fripp Island, there's no one hunting them. Uh, they're very chill. I think they're used to people, like, you go, I rent a little golf cart to toot around the island, and they're everywhere. Toot about, do a little toot about. He's been gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, I'm tootin'. And dude, I'm tootin' around the island in my golf cart, and they're everywhere. Like legit, every time you go out, you see two dozen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it depends, this deer, I mean you gonna look at this in the video, I'll send it to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those deer, uh, like will go on walks with their like little, little ass dog and the dog gets all protective when it sees the deer and will like chase after and then these bucks like drop horns and are like ready to fucking go and they're protecting their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then maybe, and then maybe they, they like murder, cause I haven't seen one like truly giant buck. I wonder if they then, once they get big, they slit their throats and everyone, uh, bathes in their blood or something on the, like some sort of ceremony on this island. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so here's a pitch. So when we turn 40,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then do a podcast where we talk about how juice inject we are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, for sure a skunk's gonna hose you right in your face and you won't be able to fight him after that. I'm still fucking it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would rather, I honestly would rather choose a deer over, it depends on the size of the deer, honestly, because they can be fucking giant. Yes, but I'm speaking as a California, I don't even know hog size. If it's a 200 pound deer, versus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I'm just taking the deer that was outside that was eating strawberries out of my hands


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let me see if I can pull it out. I could- I could beat the shit out of that deer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that would suck to have to murder because for sure you don't want to kill an animal that couldn't kill you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I mean like, cause you're not fighting to the death. It's a fucking goose. Yeah. He's just mad that you're in his territory, you just need to get out of his territory. But that's part of the challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so, cause I don't think that the goose would kill you. In any world, I don't- I don't see-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a dozen geese sneak up on you, you got some trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I didn't know what was quite happening. I was getting intermittent texts where I was like, I don't know if these are coming in when they're supposed to. I wasn't getting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was confusing for me, and uh, uh, I would like to thank you for feeling, uhm, open and honest enough to share this experience of this six-year-old woman manning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's the next one? I mean, I'm gonna be there next Tuesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got my first one as well. I was hiking, uh, in, where was I? Lake Hollywood? And the guy was, the guy was coming up behind me and I was like, hey, let's like move over. And I'm going, he's like, hey, I'm listening to you right now. Right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, uh, I think Ders and Adam are talking about Peru. And I was like, I don't think we ever, are you lying? I think we did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay, so he was telling the truth. Beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the quickest. That was so fast. He whooped his ass in the first round.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's Dobie Gillis? Hold on a second, what's Dobie Gillis? What is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been thinking about that a lot because I'm out here in the Sierras making this Indie film and there's like all these Sasquatch like, get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like Sasquatch exists in them thar hills. And I'm like, holy fuck, if I saw Sasquatch, that would be so scary, dude. So scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, the binge is the purge, but with drugs and alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, stay tuned for the one-liner next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like another good name for the movie would have been the wrong cougar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at him. But he's just always rolling with his twin to events. That's tough. That's hard to like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But can't you like, can't you do that? Isn't there some, you can go on an adventure when you're visiting Egypt, maybe it's not the pyramids, but you could go out there in the Sahara, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a scene I think about, there's a scene in that movie that's kind of cool where they were using like auto-tune when they were touching some orb and shit and I thought that was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys read Far Side when you were kids? Cause I remember my, one of my favorite Far Side cartoons was just like a dinosaur selling rugs instead of a bray of carpets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you raise my hand? They're filming us. Can I? Can you raise my hand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know if your parents didn't sing, no. No, we grew up together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good night, good night, you sleepy head. Oh wait. Get up, get up, you sleepy head. Get up, get up, get out of bed. Yeah, we had that one too. Not much of a song, kind of just a few words thrown together in a sing-song fashion, but I know I had a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But after you got out of bed, was there eggs and bakey wait- waiting?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yeah, brown sugar. What you do is you mix a brown sugar with that apple cinnamon. Oh, fuck. Call it a life. Actually, never did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a paper route. You did? Yeah, I, uh, I got in a lot of trouble because what I did was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got in a lot of trouble, uh, I did it for a few years and so I knew everyone on my route. And I told them I could give them like a huge discount, I forget the exact number, but they had to pay me cash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd go, hey, if you pay me cash, uh, it's half off or whatever. And they're like, okay. And then they'd pay me cash. And then I would just go to the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the, uh, grocery store, put a quarter in and then take all, all of the newspapers for the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there it is. There it is. And then go and just give them their paper. Genius. Yea, it was pretty awesome. How old are you at this point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I still had some, I still had some people, I only did it to the people that I felt comfortable enough proposing this. To lie to. To lie to. It was a lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, of, of giving the slip around saying, hey, for the next, the, you can sign up for another years of paper, years worth of paper for however much money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was like, but for half off, if you give me cash, you'll get your paper every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a lot of bicycling for me with front and back. And then I would have to go back halfway through and reload. How many people, how many houses? I want to say like 80, something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I did it till I was like 14, till I think I was like 15-ish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Brink, the movie Brink was very popular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Inline skates, yes. Clever play on words. Love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bullderm. Angels in the outfield. The natural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think, I think, I think it's a big blanket. It's a big blanket. And it's huge. Everyone can snuggle up underneath this thing. It's baseball movies. But that's the blanket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rookie, hey look. Bull Durham is probably the best movie, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you know what movie we should talk about a little bit on the pod? Uh oh. Is Paramount Plus's very own Workaholics movie!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we have to have baseball elements. Yeah, I want to talk about that. I would like it to be like a softball. And here's my pitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying we could have a Sandlot style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's how we broke it down. So maybe the workaholics movie is jit, we're just doing it's basically Sandlot, but it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, I like it. It's employees verse Mary Beth. Verse Alice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lights went out. I think I know who Kyle is. Benny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey 37 year old you can also flip out a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm sorry, I-I cast, I threw that out there, and uh. You got recast. P.F. Flyers? He had a better pitch. He immediately had a better pitch, and we have to go with that now, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you, you are, uh, squints?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like a scary looking guy. It was weird to me that he was the stepdad. I'm like, when I remember first watching, when I first watched that movie, I remember thinking, oh, he's going to beat his stepson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was pretty around the same time and was like, well, I know what this movie is. I thought it was a light-hearted, uh, baseball movie, but it turns out Dennis Leary's mean-looking face is gonna beat the shit out of this kid and then it's gonna be sad and he finds solace with his team of ragtag group of baseball friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, they've obviously been together, eh, his mom and stepdad, a little while. Uh, and he collects baseballs and baseball paraphernalia. He's never played catch with this kid? This kid has never played catch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pornos are the most, or uh, perverts are the most ingenious people around. If whatever you can think of, there's a pervert out there who's already done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see the chat. You gotta connect it. Todd is saying you gotta connect it. That is so sad. I've had some gold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. I don't even know what you're talking about. Alarm clocks, really? We might have to go in and it might be the first time we go back and post and add fun sounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what is that? What is that on your face, Blake? We hate to be doing this live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The six. Oh yeaah. The six, why they call it the six? With your woes. Yeaah, they say it's the six. Drake told us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the biggest musical artists right now, yes, and he's from Toronto, and his whole thing. And he is always, uh, why do they call it The Six? I don't really know why. Is it an area code or? What is, why is Toronto The Six?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, woes. I'm looking for woes. And woes, let's break it down here. Woes means, like, homies? Or like, chicks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. Oh yea, so negative 8, yea, would be 17.6. That is correct. Which actually, uh, pretty warm day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Runza's, which are restaurants specifically in Nebraska, uh, they would, they would sell a cup of chili.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For however cold it was outside, like every Thursday in February. And so sometimes it would be like three pennies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a, uh, kind of a hot pocket, but it's, it's, uh, ground beef, shredded cabbage, and onions. And it sounds gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's pretty similar, but, uh, but it's fast food. It's fast, it's a fast food joint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's a good way to explain it when people don't know... I think Hot Pocket's probably the best way to explain it, but... Oddly a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love, I love some good chili. Oh fuck yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're just like, well, I don't know, Tracy was great, but that kid that farted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom calls herself, and she's the only person in our family that calls her this, but she's been calling herself this for years and it kinda has stuck. She calls herself the Bean Queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because every, uh, every like family event, she would bring baked beans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually correct. If he called himself, ayy, I'm the jerk man, I'd be like, yeah, you're the jerk man. I love it. Uh, because it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just so we're not doing jokes that every other TV show was currently doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turn that on its head with, uh, he's right behind me, isn't he? And then the person was like, no, he's right in front of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's science. Admittedly though, Chappelle, if Chappelle did it, it would be funny. He would make it funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, Jack Black. No, they actually, at the very end of the movie, the dog comes back alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like did reshoots to make, because that was the note that everyone, they're like, I really like the movie, but then they killed the dog, and so they had reshoots where they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friendship is back. Yeah, our friendship is real percolatin'. It's boilin' over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, there was a, Blake gave us a let's go before we started to get us kind of pumped, ready to start recording.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And thank you for that. And sometimes I need it today. I needed it. So thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I would like to, uh, apologize.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I do. I have one. I would like to apologize to my boy Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was nice of you to say, but you deserved a little roasting for that. The highest praise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. Like when we, uh, like Stan Halen, the character in Workaholics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a character played by the very funny Will Greenberg. Super funny guy, and we wrote him as a character of Stan Halen, a guy that just sort of just does Anchorman quotes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a guy that isn't funny in his own right, but just, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, obviously it's satire and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would hands down the favorite character of like, at least-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. And that's Warren Brand. And that's also genuine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We look inward to each other. We really do. This is our, this is our brotherhood. This is our history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Step in and say, you were wrong, I was right, but most of the times...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important? Glorious Whompers!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nick Hexham, greatest rapper of all time. Adult Spider-Man costumes show your dick off too much? Let the rain fall down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, cause you're, you're about hashtag fitness and I'm just wondering if it like hinders or does it help?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just wear a puffy jacket, uh, wear sunglasses inside, you know, no one will bother you. Uhm, I think that'll be a good look for riding on an airplane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They pushed your balls forward? Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like the thong over the hip. Ooh, whale tails! Now that was some shit. Remember how short, low rise jeans on Girl's Got in like 2005? Yes I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And wait, can we just go to the origin story, uh, to use the parlance of where you have come up with the concept that adult Spider-Man costumes show your dick off too much? It's science. Caught him. We all know it's science, but is this from like your last Halloween? Have you been Googling shit and you're looking for the right one that doesn't show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You rock a, uh, a cup. Being a sex offender. Go to get a Voight cup from Big Five Sports. You know what I mean? There we go. Jockstrap. Okay, that's a great idea. A cop piece or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking disgusting. Wait, those bars, are they, are they related, those bars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the yellow lead better? Is that what, is that one right? What's that one? That was like the kind of jammy one. They're kind, it's a little nails on a chalkboard for me now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like jam, like jelly, and it's pearl colored, and it's pearl jam, it's jizz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone that like Chappelle had on, like Talib Kweli, Mostef, all those fucking dudes, that whole movement, early Kanye, like, there was good shit. You guys, I don't think you guys were looking for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My god. Don't fuck with Ludacris. If I may, I will just say that like, I don't know, I can't really remember what Ludacris was rapping about, but how he rapped. News a ho!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ripped. He was unfucking believable, still had the same voice, the fucking acoustics in this place were like, I don't know, it sounded crazy though. Shout out to Jane's Addiction. We'll take it. We will take it. Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, it's not our Alexis. Didn't we clarify that on Morgaholics?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. His last name is not Alexis. Yeah, it's, uh, Ardux? A kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are sent, we're sending this podcast into space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the thing was, it was so cold and he didn't have a jacket, so we don't know. Right in his-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are in a fucking whirlwind of co-labs. You will get everything your heart desires.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, absolutely. Look, we're talking about it. Everybody was talking about it. That's how you get Twitter to trend. It's like, it's just, it's great. It's a great marketing ploy, but it's, it's not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you wanna hear Mr. Peanut about him fucking people, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys fucking railed me for the one I dropped. Fuck y'all, go ahead. We didn't rail you, we just didn't hear you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sick of being criticized, alright? I need all my borders to report to the fucking insta comments and stand up for your boy, alright? Go ahead, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that. I like Border Patrol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's okay, yeaah, I mean, I- Au revoir! Well, what are the things that pull some of us to remain in Los Angeles? I mean, it is hard to... kinda...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and remember what we loved during corona, it certainly took away a lot of the stuff I liked, like live shows and fucking basketball and- Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Google Momo. Is it like this? Yeah, it looks like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's s- there's shit that kids watch that you gotta keep- He looks like the screen mask. Like, do you remember, uh, remember Slenderman or whatever and like kids would like kill each other over that shit? Oh f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, this shit looks like some Jun- Junji Ito shit. Ohhh, no. No shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why isn't this a major motion picture? This is the scariest monster I've seen in years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big porno. Big porno is back. Big porno strikes again. Is back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then why don't we just, why don't we just go live unedited?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See? See? Oh yea, it makes me wanna- But you're wiggling and you're smiling? The rock and roll lifestyle? It makes me turn into fucking Momo, dude. I'm not trying to get down like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a soft spot for him, but other than that, I think you leave him there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really don't know. Are they a California band or uh? They sound like they might have been from like Cleveland or something. If I had to guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is a cover, right? What? What? Of who, Blake? I don't know. Or no, their cover was, uh, they, they covered, um. Yeah, they did, uh, I Will Survive. Oh yeah. Not great. I Will Survive. But I think Going the Distance might be a cover as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, you can't, can you believe it? We're like, we give you 3% to go and he goes, what was cake overrated? He's not even talking about the baked good. I'd rather talk about Adam's love for Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So much. I think there were lots of like, fucking, like, join the army commercials on like Comedy Central, and we were always just being told to go out and fucking drink Mountain Dew and go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Teenagers are having heart palpitations, it's just bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, right now you're, uh, influencing people to get fit. That is what you're influencing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, I wanna applaud anybody in this, uh, quarantine who has gotten fit, stayed fit, just good for you guys staying, uh, dedicated to the craft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want to unpack that? Like where your body dysmorphia spawns from or? I feel like he, oh yeaah, yeaah, let's go deeper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you're not fat at all, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Durs would probably say he hates it and it's ugly and it looks a little like unkept, but uhm, I think it really looks really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we, well we know we, yeah, but we know we gotta have the podcast and can't just be us like defending you the whole time, but Dyrs would probably be talking about your big forehead. I don't know. He probably would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't like it when he does that in front of us and I don't speak up because you know, it's just, that's the way our group works and we gotta kinda keep the waters still, don't wanna make waves. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and I want to compliment both of you for just enduring the abuse that Durz has wrought on this group for years now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, the abuse he has caused us, you know, it's like the pressure on it, and we've come out diamonds is what, it's a pressure cooker, baby. That's right. And I'm not the dumbest friend. Ders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if we get it sponsored by a car, we each get in like a Scion, we take a road trip and talk, it'll be, it'll be personal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying back in the day when like resources were thin and you're watching Nick at night, you gotta do what you gotta do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how's everybody's post-Thanksgiving chunk coming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, you, you hold the record. Oh, you were afraid to do a weigh-in before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say little did anyone know. Yea, a lot of people didn't know that. But we're bringing it to them. I deep dived into, I deep dove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, no one's saying you didn't drink, no one's saying you didn't drink a lot. You were drunk enough. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, drink, uh, water, or like, uh, some-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Then that's fine. I get it. Adam's working out online. You're doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. I'm podcasting now. I'm branching out. Podcasters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, were you the one who says flicking channels? Or is that Kyle? No, that's like flip-off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a crazy show, and now they're doing the Masked Dancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys think you could have a normal conversation with Future or no? A normal conversation?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks fuckin' cool. Yea, he looks like a Lynx. He looks like, uhm, he kinda looks like one of, uh, H.R. Giger's aliens has be- became a rapper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like 6'8 or something. I don't know if he's 6'8. He's not like two chains tall, is he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two Chains is like, the lanky ass dude. Two Chains is dope, and he can ball. But Future just, I feel like, yea, a converse guy. If I like, was in an elevator with him, and was just like, hell of a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so then I don't, I don't think you're gonna have a good conversation in the future either then. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you're seasons away. Can you say, have they come to you? Have they offered? Has Robin Thicke, does Robin Thicke have your phone number?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we're not doing that. No, no, we're not going, yeaah. No, no, no, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Groundbreaking, game changer, super hilarious, still holds up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else did she have? I know she produced things, but did she star in other things? Like did she ever cro- Lose the old ball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like did she cross over into movies or like? She must have done a movie. Uh, did she have a podcast or, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The puppet, she had her fucking fist up his butt and was like, talking with his, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was hot. Yeaah. I had a fucking crush on that. When I'd be homesick from school. Did you really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, for sure. Uh, and- Eww! Really? And Patty Duke. Patty Duke on Nick at Night, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patty Duke, The Patty Duke Show. It was about twins, but it was played by one, uh, one lady, Patty Duke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not on Pornhub like hitting like 60's sitcom bays. I think you are. Is that a category on the hub?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything is a category. Wow. Ticket to the hub. Weed art. Ticket to the hub. Uh, but I'm saying back in the day, when like resources were thin, and you're watching Nick at night, you gotta do what you gotta do. No, cause come on, MTV like Beach House is on. What are you doing? Yo, don't get me started on, oh say can you see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that autofocus movie is off the chain. Oh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keneer plays the dude and his best friend is played by, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Willem Dafoe and he's like a, he's like a gear head that's like a photographer and gets all this like early camcorders from Japan and stuff. And then they just started filming pornos and there's a great line where they're like sitting watching their fuckfest from the night before and he's like, hang on a second, pause it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, hey, it's a, what'd he call it? He's like, it's a grab and go or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, Gina Davis is unbelievably beautiful in Earth Girls Are Easy. Yeah, Gina Davis was super hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, but by the way, Gina Davis is like shockingly beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was 13 in a league of her own. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a whole circle bag, baby. Wait, Adam, that's your thing, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not what I'm saying. That's kinda your thing. And that's fine. Maybe that'll be the thing that everyone likes about this episode. Because we're not beating up Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I got news, if you fuck your mom, that's gonna kill your dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were the ones complaining that we pick on Kyle so much for, so be careful what you ask for, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, absolutely not. You guys ever watch, uh, you ever see The Graduate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, the graduate kind of kicked it off, I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See ya, bitch. Kyle, what are your five most, as, well let's do this two ways. As a director, what are your three most influential movies? And then just as a movie fan, what are your three favorite movies? Just so we can get inside that brain of yours and not make funny or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's, it's perfectly rated. No, no, no, no, no. It's underrated because the swing that the Coen brothers took with that fucking movie, with like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's insane. It's crazy. And for some reason you just go, it all works together. For some fucking crazy reason, all that stuff together works. And it shouldn't. There's like literally like the dude days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I'm saying it's like a film. I'm saying it's like, not like a, oh dude, we used to get stoned and watch that shit all the time. I'm saying like, what those guys did, they like created a whole new genre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From like, film critics. I think- You might be right. Stoner dudes are like, whatever, and film critics are like, Fargo, Miller's Crossing. And you're like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, but this is what I'm saying is you have that where you're like, oh, they're just recording these friends talking. Then you have Julianne Moore coming in and doing like that whole fucking thing and it works. And you have, uh, the other Lebowski being very performative. You know what I mean? And you have, uh, Philip Seymour Hoffman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very kind of doing his own different thing. And for whatever reason, somehow, Tara Reade steals the whole fucking movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking unreal, with like the vikings and like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know who killed it like in the same vein with Sharon Stone and Casino?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where it's just like, it's like the, the woman in the relationship who's basically like sticking her neck out in line for the guy and she's like, fuck this, this is insane, we have a family to raise and just throws it all into the fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mean like the wife of the king or like the actual I'm in charge queen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been doing it, I've been doing it for a few years, the water is warm, come on in. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not too hot. He's just, uh, he's home, isn't he? He's just home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I turn on everyone, and that's why ladies at the airport fuckin' flip me off. They're like, fuck you! That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro. De Niro becomes an intern for Anne Hathaway who runs this big like internet clothing store. I'm her husband. She's at work all day and I get lonely. Watch it on a plane. It's a great plane movie. It's probably being watched on a plane right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, daddy gets lonely, steps out, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anne knows. She confronts me. I apologize. She stays with me. Game changer of a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get real, let's get real here, ready? You ready to get real for the first time on the pod? I squeezed my nuts really hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, here ready? I'll get real. I had, I was like, yo, you gotta get in fucking gear for this. This is Anne Hathaway. It's a big movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nancy Myers, big writer-director, world famous. You have to step up, you have to deliver. Especially because in the audition, Anne cried when we did our one-on-one thing. She's so fucking gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's so good. She cries exactly when she's supposed to. And I was like, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, day one, I had just had a friend pass away, RIP Tripp Healy, my man. And I was like, just think about your homie, how much you miss him, start to cry, and like get into gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like five minutes before, as I'm kind of like doing my thing in the corner, I'm like, this is the fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Worst idea, the dumbest fucking shit, my homie Tripp would be like, what the fuck are you doing? Put the picture of him away and just go tell someone to put eye drops in your eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just like, this is so fu- I have a real friend who died. I'm not gonna use that to pretend to cry for a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I was sad, and then I was like, okay, what's the scene? And I was like, the scene is sad, you can be sad. And then I never cried, so they had to have someone like come, uh, blow the menthol in your eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's like a menthol, you know when like you have a cough drop and then you put on your fucking mask these days, uh, or your chewing gum with your, your SARS mask on and the fucking- COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but yea, it's, uh, it's part of the, it's part of the gig, so, guys. Of playing a bad boy. Come, come play the husband, the boyfriend, uhm. Dry your eyes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, you know. Oh shit, I hope we're rolling on that. Cause it's fun to play something different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, cause Adam's always fun and fun loving and like lovable and all that and I'm sure he wants to be the guy who's like, actually fuck you. And everyone's like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, in a, do you think in a movie theater people would laugh? I'm sorry, is America your boss? Wait, what? Oh, well. You're not, that's not, I'm not saying like, I'm saying do you think America would interpret him as a serious, scary guy, or would they be like, this doesn't work for me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you. I'm talking about the general pop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't, I never have. I think it sucks when he tries to be serious. What's the matter, what's, Adam Sandler does great in those


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, punch drunk love, I would have loved to have seen anybody else in that role.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uncut Gems was a better movie and it would have been an amazing movie. He killed it. Yeaah, he crushed. I also think he crushed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's my point, is that if he was killing it, I would, you would say that name of that movie, and I would go, oh yea, of course that one, and everyone else would too, but no one's seen that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tim and Nunket Gems, and everyone's like, he got snubbed for an Academy Award. It's like, he didn't get snubbed. He wasn't awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was fine. I thought, I thought he was fine. I just don't believe him in these things. That's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you said that I said he killed it in like good will hunting or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jim Carrey, the fucking man. And then you put him in like the number 23 and he's like, yeah. And you're going, no. That wasn't a great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I'm not a huge Sandler guy, like period. Uh, so that doesn't help either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I'm, no, it's a very limited lane. Like, John Candy in JFK, like small part, but it was like, woah, holy shit, this dude is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking Louisiana guy now, that's weird and crazy and he pulled it off. Some people would do it, some people do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing I would want to do right now next would to just be like what Adam does which is like the ridiculous friend of the person who's like crying about some girl. You know? I think that would be fun to be like the absurd dude who gets to say the most insane shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what it, my neck is too long. I don't know what it is. Uhm, no, I'm not saying people should stay in their lane. I think that it is a fucking, it's a, it's a hard needle to thread. Not many people can do it. And you guys think some people can do it, that I don't. I get that. Yeah, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what you're saying about people stepping out of their comfort zone. I don't think that that's that big of a deal. I think you are being a little generous with your like, hey, just cause you did that movie, I'm gonna give you props.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I would say to do some things it takes guts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if you're playing a real life person who's still alive and it's like an important movie, there's like risks involved with like fucking that up and feeling horrible about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. So let's, let's get into that, that guy. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was in a movie called, uh, Three O'Clock High, where he played the bully that was like, I'm gonna kick your fucking ass at three o'clock. He was unbelievably scary and fucking good. In Kindergarten Cop, super fucking scary. And then, he's in like all the Fairly Brothers movies and he's super fucking funny. That dude, that dude gets my fucking seal of approval.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because by the way, you can taste any beers and still drink beer. But hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not board members. The board members. Chairman of the board. Yeah, that works. Chairman of the board. Uh, my compliments are, compliments to, uh, the chairman of the board. Thank you sir.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet that is a tech thing. Probably back in the day, or they were lying, but it could very well be a tech thing. They were lying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn right. Oh, because time is money in California, dude. Oh, dang racket. That's on, that's that Tupac. That's what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time is money, baby. Hollywood lives here, alright?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, isn't the California Roll sushi as well? It is. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. No, that's the Philly. No, Jesus. Yeah, that one's wacky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the California roll got imitation crab and veggies. It doesn't need to be imitation. It doesn't need to be. Oh, it can be real crab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hollywood's dead. I'd rather not have Hollywood effects in my sushi, okay? Gimme that organic crab meat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shoot. Why do we have to do this? Why do we have to do this when I'm here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Kyle has that. Chad works. If you guys are cool with it, I would appreciate if we just called him a Chad while I'm here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just the hard K, it's the consonant, Skyl. It's my whole name, it's on my birth certificate, I can't fucking- It's the K, it's the K K K.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Just deal with it. What about it? It's a shitty sound, so. Fine, fine. I'm changing my name. Charles Javacheck. Thank you. My name is Charles Javacheck from here on out. That makes sense. That's how I always spoke of you anyways. Mr. Javacheck to you, bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How big is a dirt pile? Big, big construction dirt pile?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I don't know what to do. Also, what is that? Like why is, why not just- It's called getting kiled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm Charles now, but, but I do understand the rage and the aggression, but I hope to, you know, he should be able to curb that and just like, you know, play by the rules when you're out in public. That's everybody's land. We're all sharing it. It's public. Come on now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's not a real- We've fought for real, but that was more like- To you, Kyle was fighting for real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, anytime I fought any of my homies, it was either like drunk, but it was always under the fight club rules, where it's like, there is respect under the swings, you know, where it's like, I'm not really trying to hurt you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I thought about boxing, like I still kind of think about it, but I don't have the wind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like B-Pit and Fight Club? That's the bod. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what did, uh, what did Jeff Bezos look like before he got shredded? Was he, was it after and what was that timeline?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the drive, that's the drive you need to start a successful business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's a great business model where you know what you're good at and you just hit it and you hit it hard and you're confident in it. That's dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't we just start our own business instead of franchise something? Why don't we just come up with our own menu that's off the charts? That's harder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, uh, wet noodles? Yeah, I can bring the thunder in other places. Like, you're not gonna think about what I think about because you guys are all gonna be thinking about the meats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some bomb-ass cucumbers growing in my backyard right now, dude. I'm fixing to have about 50 of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get him. He eats all the food. It's a pretty big section. I just don't eat what? The meat, which is like three or four or five things. Turkey, pork. We're opening a chicken shack, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, lamb? How many meats are there? Hundreds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, how many meats are there? There's chicken, there's pork, there's venison, cow, there's beef.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the beef? Rabbit? Duck? Yeah, but how many, how many is there like 10? Chicken? Duck? 15 of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're saying we're gonna start, I'm asking if we're gonna start a franchise that involves Rhino.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, is that what we're gonna do? I don't think that's what we're gonna do. Alls I'm saying is, you just don't discount me because I don't have that part. I got- All I'm saying is- Other taste buds, my taste buds still motherfucking work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't say no, I laterally was just like, what if we started our own thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would it be? I'd make a bomb ass salad, dude. I'm telling you, salads are off the charts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen. Motherfucking cucumbers, player put some olive oil, and then player put some salt, and then player put some pepper. Let me give you your slogan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just told you what it is, man. Okay, yes. You can't help your dumb ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dressing is olive oil, salt, and pepper. He said olive oil. Olive oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pre-dressing. Yeah, it is. So fucking good. No, that's the shit. That's all you need. I learned that shit in- That's just how you get the lettuce wet, dude. Hey, so Carl, I guess you explained, uh, the most- That's how you do it in Italy. I learned that shit in Italy, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real, that's what I'm saying. You guys are talking about basic ass shit that is good. That's what you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good. Thank you. What does that mean? What does that mean and what do you put it on? You ever heard of a loquat or you too busy eating nuggets? It's a fruit based.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a fruit paste. Tenders. Tenders. I've never heard- I've never heard of a loquat, so blow my mind. Thank you. So, look at that. I just brought the motherfucking ingredient, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever he made was on him. I just gave him the bomb ass sauce. So if y'all want a partner. And you're putting this on like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying dude, y'all don't discount me cause I'll come with a fire no matter where, what corner I'm shoved in. Alright Kyle. Jesus Christ dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but there's no ball, there's no ball pit at the Five Guys. I don't think the Playplaces hold any water anymore, man. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm down, dude. I'm down. I'm looking for it. You know what I mean? I figure why not. You know what I mean? Yeah, hey. This is why we love you. Yeah, sure. Y'all don't agree? Y'all don't agree? No, I don't. But this is why we love you. What's your number then? What are you gonna live till? 150. That's tight. I'm down. I'll be there with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yeaah. They puke it up right away. Totally, totally. But thankfully he had that knowledge otherwise, you know, so, that's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a baby this one. I'll see you next week. So that means, that means you're on seven, at least. Damn. With that and the truck. You're getting up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've definitely w- I woke up in my truck like fucking after a really drunk night and that is a scary feeling having like, just been like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that was before Ubers, man. I'm often like jealous of what Ubers provided.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to have to go from Hollywood to Van Nuys and I would like get nervous because I'd have one eye closed and like driving. It's terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to do that because you have to follow the rules when you franchise something, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, it's fucked up, bro. But it has such a great natural spice. What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all good. It's all- Because of the Karen. Yeaah. I'm, I'm okay with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I changed my name to Charles. Charles Javachev. I'm all good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be part of my own original franchise, but you know, I'll be doing my own thing it looks like. But I would like to compliment all of you on, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? So like you guys provide a great game for me to try and get out of the corner and I love you all despite how fucking mean


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I really truly believe however you want to express your love to somebody else, do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys figure out what the mixer is for these seltzers? What is the alcohol in them? Does it vary?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a malt? Malt. There's barley. It's in there. Yeah, they brew it like they would a beer. So it's a beer, but it's just got what? What's the deal? What's the science?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Yeah, when I was a kid, like, the fucking Reese's Pieces peanut butter cups did not last the night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that 100% is like the why you had to eat them right away because they would not last any kind of heat. Like they were, they were soft, they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were soft. They could not stand. They wouldn't last for long. You had to eat them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did that ever, I never, I never got jacked for candy, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do remember wrapping a pillowcase around my wrist in case somebody tried to grab it though, like as a preemptive measure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think the one that you're speaking of primarily was dealing with like bulimia and the character trying to decide whether or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, yeah, it was all about a guy, me, who could not find love and decided to go to space and, uh, was really smart, like went to space, like immediately went to school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the whole goal of the character was to make like good music, but he wasn't very good at it, so he went to space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one can judge me in outer space. Yeah. And then I immediately found a, an alien who like we fucked like right away. It was just, you did. And you don't know if it was a girl alien or a guy alien. Androgynous, very.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I actually could release it. I have a really good version of it, but I also have the older version as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, yeaah, sure. Doesn't really have a title, but that's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam truly was like the Sandler sketch sex or weightlifting because he made the same sounds while pumping iron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it is about, it is about the workout with you, like you have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty cool. You get the workout in. That's great. Yea, that's the new workout in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, I'm all about the subtlety. You know, I think I always have been. I've never been a very great performer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never had it this long. Never. It's never been down to my titties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not for, not for, not since like 2014, something like that, um, six years ago. And it was, and I would buzz my head. I would get to the point where I would just buzz it. I've never like lived with it. Blake has lived with long hair for what? Over a decade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems real to me. Yeah, I've actually never let it go that long. How long does it take for it to turn into the tusk? 18 months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're a highlight. Well also, when your hair will go, your hair will grow longer if you like, get a little trim on the end, just cut off the dead end. So I bet if you do that with your pubes too, it'll grow longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's like a sunlight type thing, man. I think, I think you gotta have like dirt there for it to like seed in and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, every couple's gonna have their own love language. That's right, Plague.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's sick. You could, you can like, you know, do whatever you want out there, man. Whatever, however you translate love, it's like, go ahead and do it. As long as you're not hurting anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe doing a little bit of a show, but also they're doing a show right now. And then at which point I'm like, well, I thought that it was a great game to exploit if you are trying to put on a show. So that's, that was my thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, Durz, that is, I'm 100% behind you there, bro. That is fucking awesome. I just can't. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're on zoom for like, I'm on zoom for like six, seven hours a day. I do not even really want to look at my, my phone for longer or a screen for longer. It's just, it's debilitating bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the gooch. The twitch is the seam. The twitch is that seam. And then the tick and the tock. Or the left and the right. That's gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, speaking of, Blake, that's from Little Caesars, right? That pizza pizza? A legend. Of course. Yeah, I know, I'm just letting everybody know that it's from Pizza Pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but like, here's my fucking thing. What's up with the $5 hot and ready? I heard it's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I just can't believe it. $5 hot and ready was the best deal on planet earth, man. That was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Domino's has a salty ass thick crust too, which is bomb as fuck, dawg. Yeah, Domino's is what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pizza Hut, Kyle? I'm a Pizza Hut dude. Yea, for taste and taste alone, I'm Pizza Hut. I'm going for it. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Kyle said. I said the hut. I said, you're not getting better than a hut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck are you trying to help me and give me extras? I will say, I will say I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know if I've ever had Papa John's. Exactly. Cause it's not on the map. Like I don't know if I've ever had Papa John's in my life. I had Papa Murphy's, but that was a local place by where I grew up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then, fucking A, I changed my- I changed my whole thing. I'm all about Papa Murphy's cookie dough, baby. Not even pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cheeseburger, papadilla. So Papa Murphy's, Papa Murphy's doesn't count because it's like you take him back. Is that what's up? Because I like Papa Murphy's better than all of them. Kyle, what are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Why Blake? I think Adam left. Adam left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's had it. Why Blake? Why should I be ashamed? Huh? Because I had to go for the deals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking about taste and value here. That's what, that's what my two factors are. Not the worth of the company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never. Maybe it's a suburban, suburban thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had a bunch of dipping sauces. I know we've talked about dipping sauces here.