[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, dad life. Christianity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I for sure, for sure should come up and do, I'm excited to do exactly that. I was thinking today about like his first birthday and how, like, send little flyers out, like Bo's Rager, his first Rager, you know, and then, uh, all just get blackout drawn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do feel first birthday, you gotta do like fireworks, like go big on the first. Cause that, that birthday, you know what who is for? It's for, it's for mom. It's for mom. Yeah, it's for mom. Throw a party in her, in her honoring. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's shaking it, patting it on his butt. Yeah, just not looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I, uh, I sneak Zoa into Chloe's drinks, so it's coming through the breast milk. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Your boobs are huge. Yeah. I wanted to go through the whole process cause he could only, the big rule,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cause I had pickles out and I was like, maybe we feed him a pickle. And Chloe's like, you can't feed him a pickle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is next, next level. And it's just sliding around like a cup of coffee. Have you ever dr- I've drove, uh, I drove all the way, you know, where I, where I live, all the way off the little peninsula.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, everybody at home knows where he lived. All the way up to the top of the hill. And you know where I live. That's a long drive. That's a few miles. Sure. And, but it's a straight shot. There's no turns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cup of coffee stayed. It just stayed right there. And it was one, I was at a stoplight way up the hill and somebody- At that, on that incline?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goodbye. I should have said it was my Zoa energy. Ah, blew it. Well, of course, and you gotta keep that in a Yeti Tumblr. My green coffee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like a lot of families have like in disarray because they can't afford, now they can't afford diapers because moms have too many Stanleys, just a wall of Stanleys and they're running out of gas on the way to the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just really want Yetis. What's your deal with Yeti right now? You really want some. Yeaah, are you a Yeti guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that true? Is it more expensive than Stanley? Stanleys are a little cheaper. And you know that for a fact? I think so, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought Stanley was more expensive, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you not ever put anything into a... Blake has stacks of red cups. I drink from my hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I know you, you, you just used, uhm, plastic, right? You just, no, you're straight plastics. Alright, here we go. Glassware. And plastics. Yes, I, I, one used plastic. He's one used, she's thrown them out, every, every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A Yeti 64 ounce, and that's a big... $65? That's a big bitch, and that's $65. Stanley's 64 ounce. Oh dude, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is 60, but that being said, Jesus Christ, give me a little love. I said $7 and you said, and they're five. They're five. Last time I checked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, I'm mad if I'm yeti. I'm pissed now. I'm pissed now. If you're spending $65


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if you're spending sixty dollars for a Stanley, just five more bucks if you're spending sixty already. Five more bucks if you're spending sixty. If you're spending twenty and five more bucks, that's a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, this is the- It was, it's sort of like when, uh, when my dad was just like covered in Carhartt his entire life. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stanley Quencher's, maybe I should buy one. I wanna be a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, come into where? Your home? Wait, where, where was this? No, no, no, I was at the Chateau Marmont, having a Hollywood, big time Hollywood meet. Oh, nooo. Okay, hello. Dude, I love going there. I, I know it's like kinda bougie. Yeah. That's where you're meeting your specialist? Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, cause it's so, it's so Hollywood, it's so cool and like classic. It really is. But, so I'm there having this meeting and this guy comes in and he's dressed like a fucking bozo the clown dude. Yeah, okay. He, he just is wearing like leather trash bag pants. And they're very, very blousy. And then a tank top, black tank top with a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With like a puffy vest, but his like bellies kinda showing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no he, he like went to one table, sat for like a minute, got up, went to another table, was like shaking his head no, like looking at the table and stuff, went to another table, and then finally found the table, which obviously was the table, the back corner,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're scouting tables for Kanye West. Yeah, you're going in the back. You go to the back corner. Yeah. I don't know why he tried the front chair. I'm like, that's a bad chair. You don't want that. He's, they're just like us. But I had no idea what he was doing. I thought he was a lunatic. And then a few minutes later,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. I understand that that was confusing now. My, my, my B. It was my B. No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's a chair scout that he sends before. A chair scout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like, if there's like a booby track there, he's going to get snagged. He's going to get snared in this booby trap first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he, uh, you know, he sat in all the chairs, he-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sat in all the chairs. Then Kanye comes in. Okay. Also dressed like a fucking moron. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and then I was like so vindicated, I'm like, he did dress, Kanye did dress this man. That's all Kanye's bullshit that he's pushing now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, hand me down? Yeah, just the, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just dressing in trash bags. That sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it has to be six figures. You're working for Kanye. You're not making less than six figgies, right? You have to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, I hope. Is that a Yeti dirt? I hope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the Figgies go, it's gotta be six. If we're talking Figgies, it's gotta be six of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I got a raise. How much? I don't know. Vicky, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop acting like a bitch and ask for your figgy. Well, I got fired. And so then, uh, Kanye comes rolling in. He has a full grill now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A mouth, a mouth of... I thought maybe he was about to start cooking some asada, baby. No, a mouth of just bedazzles. It's really, it's fun looking. I love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, dude, it's wild because his pants look like trash bags, his face looks like foil, he's always ready to do some work around the house. This boy's ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This motherfucker is a tool, walking tool shed. Yeah. The hell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, dude, the people that he was with, uh, he rolled with a guy that was like a little older, uh, he seemed kinda, he was also wearing all black, but he seemed a little normal, y-you know, first


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A fact, he was like, I'm not putting on the trash bag pants. I'm not wearing the trash. I will wear all black, like all of us. And I was gonna give you another piggy on the paycheck, but. Yea, but I'm not wearing all black.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, two girls that looked like they just walked off the set of, uh, Idol. That HBO show. They were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the show was bad, but for whatever reason, I can't watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they were, but they were, it was less than that. It was more, there were more clothes than she, I've seen her wear. I don't like you guys telling me to show my tits. It was, it was wild for like a Wednesday meeting at the Chateau. This wasn't Wednesday clothes. You know what I mean? It's not Wednesday clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's the best. Yeah, I know. I can't, I can't believe I'm kind of two for two. Cool sightings recently. You don't normally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Catch those sightings, you know. I know. What the heck? Yeah, I don't know what's happening. You gotta see easy in the flesh. I'm gonna, I'm gonna real, real run. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've seen the- Remember when he was my neighbor? Remember when he was my neighbor? That was crazy. That was wild. That didn't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That didn't last long. That didn't end well. Well I guess it was his first uh, Hollywood house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he was in the process of like moving out when I was moving in. Like there was only like a maybe three month overlap or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta, I gotta go. I gotta go. And then, you know, it was a lot of like me driving past and paparazzi's looking at me thinking like I'm gonna be somebody cause I'm driving right, like slowly right past his house cause there's that curve right there. And then- Nothing makes you feel worse. And then they put their cameras down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say if I was gonna make a swing, like fashion choice, it would be those Dwayne Wade glasses. Oh yea, the little flip ups? Those like- Dwayne Wade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that our thing? You know how like when you get older, like a lot of actors or comedians, like they just kind of get a hold of a thing and they're like, I'm the glass, like Howie Mandel's glasses game is super.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, for sure. So cool. Super strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's killing it. Like maybe, maybe that's my thing. I have like sunglasses and then I do a flip ups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, no, I mean, literally, the costume show was on, and then A Different World came right on afterwards. Yes. Oh, that's a one-two punch. I think for the most part,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my bedtime. Mama was tucking me to bed, and you know. You were asleep. Yeah, I'm a little younger than you, so I think I didn't have... She's like, sweet. I didn't have the time to watch that one. It was about bath time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, see? And you knew exactly who he was talking about when he said Dwayne Wayne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, don't put words in Blake's net mouth. Did you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, see, dude, I literally just thought of who was saying Dwayne Wade twice. I'd never heard Dwayne Wayne. Not once. I always, every time, the thousand times I've heard that song, I thought it was when Dwayne Wade became Dwayne Wade. I thought he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm learning something. I'm learning something. That's cool. Uh, well, did he start those sunglasses? Was that literally...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was he the first one, I mean he put him on the map, right? He, he crafted them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay. What were those? Like the Hitler mustache. Yes, much like that. That mustache was fairly popular at the time, like people had that mustache, you know. I don't know if they did, did they? People were rocketing? Charlie, Charlie, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And during that time. Cause you watch Boardwalk Empire and there's people with that stash in board- Yeah. Oh really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The light was hitting me just right. On Tura Photos, it looks like you rocked a Hitler mustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that is kinda cool, and I wondered like why so many guys with like shaved heads, uh, were coming up to me and saying, I really love your mustache. From like, that happened a lot. That happened a lot on tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't see it. I know it won an academy award, but. I don't know. I don't know exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, I, I truly had no idea what you were saying there, Dyrus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what is, what is that? It won an Oscar. Oh dude, I don't watch that shit. It did, for best-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Rogan's is a show about sports, Isaac said, and also a popular podcast, and maybe, because I know you listen to all of them, so yea, you're probably thinking of Roganhead. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're back! Were they, were they not for a while?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess I'm off everything. Uh, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, in that chair? Dang, I gotta look her up. You guys watch the Grammys? You guys are so... We watch award shows. We're award winners. Dude, live television? Dude, the only award show that I livestream is the... The Nickelodeon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] iHeartRadio Podcast Awards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's just called Idol, dude, and it's not good. I'm not gonna sit up here and say it's a good show, but for whatever reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we're on a good one. We were talking about, we're on a good one this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you know that's the truth. If you were Kanye's level, would you, uh, would you have a chair guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he's not in- he's no- we're- I know I'm only like three tables away from him. Right. We're not in the same world. Right, it's- Right, we're not even in the same- we don't live the same life. Even a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure guy. What kind of guy would you employ then? Yeah, you want a guy. Oh, what's your first, what would be the first guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, would it be Adam? Uh, I would have a, and I'm about to go there. Cause if I start my production and I'm not feeling that well, I might pull the trigger on this. I want a physical therapist in the trailer. Ready? So that's a hot guy. I think that's the same. That's the same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ready to, hey, it could be a strong woman. It could just be a strong woman with some strong hands, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, I think so. I have a, I have a physical therapist right now, Sam. She's a woman and she's absolutely fantastic. Okay. Shout out to Sam. No flowers. Strong hands. Yeah, you gotta have strong hands. Are you positive it's a woman?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ask? Yeah, I think so. She has children. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't ask, I didn't ask, but there's tells, there are tells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to marry either of you. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I would have a physical therapist on, on hand. Or like a massage therapist or someone like that. I think that would be a good, a good guy to have. Just ready, ready for a rubdown. Ready, ready to really get in there and, uh, and dig. I mean, it's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, like, my psoas, I guess it's all my psoas. I guess I have a thickened psoas. Really? You got a thickened? Great ass! They're like, it's, uh, hyper, uh, hypertreed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, essentially, and they think it's from the cycling. And it's strong and really, really tight. And it just yanks everything out of place. It's tight and it yanks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You know how Brett Farver like pulls his leg back twice and then go play a football game? That's who I thought I was, and it turns out- Yeah, for sure. He would just grab some grass. I'm not- I'm not that guy, pal. I'm not that guy. Right. No. You're not. I'm not that guy. Goodbye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I have, wait what's that thing? It's called, I think it's like Soaz release or something and it's just a piece of plastic and a U shape and then two like basically kind of like balls or ridges that you lay on and it pokes both sides of your hips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm going like four or five days a week and they're just digging in there trying to release it before I leave for Charleston because I don't know what my physical...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even though you haven't worked out in months. No dude, I haven't worked out in months and I haven't ridden a bike in a year and a half. And I'm still so, so tight. And they also think the, uh, the fasciculations have something to do with it too. So I think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's what, uh, I told you guys, that's what, uh, I mean, when I tell you guys every little detail about my health, the fact that you don't remember every detail really upsets me. Cause I've told you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might need to pull that for the board, keeping your psoas tight. Psoas tight? I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You get it tingled, yeaah. Mine's a power wash. Mine's, yeaah, it's wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It shouldn't, it shouldn't feel interesting. It should feel like white hot pain. Uh, and then. Really? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I want a so as release her on call ready to release so as is and help help me help myself. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So basically, I will say the one bummer about that guy is you always, you then would always, always have to smell gyro meat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well. You act like I haven't thought about this, Adam. It's kinda like- I do like the smell, but I feel like all the time that might-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That might not be a good vibe for you. I think you would end up getting fired off of sets. Really? Yea, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you, you could, you would read that then? You'd read the emojis? Yeah, that, that could be kind of cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just translated it. Okay, well I'm kind of, I'm a little bummed, I am a little bummed about mine because mine was like a very real one. I thought we were trying to go real with the actual guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, I'm being real. I'm being very real. What are you talking about? I think we're being as real as it gets. I'm being very real. No, no, no, no, no. You guys, you guys were doing, you guys were doing chucks, chucks and gigs. Nope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I feel like you would have a different guy if we are being real. Blake for sure wants a hot guy. That makes a lot of sense for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That goes without saying. That goes without saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, easy, easy. I thought you were gonna say like, stone cold Steve Austin, like- He kinda is. Do you have eyeballs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I did not watch it only because everyone that I knew was like, you don't have to watch that one. Don't watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was. And the vibe was he- he gets- I hate vibes, dude. I'm- I'm- I'm off vibes, I think. You're just like, uh- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a lot. This one alone has a lot. We fucking went at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think we figured that we got to the bottom of everything in this episode. Yeah, that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I do like, I do like that, uh, like, uh, like, calling slots loose. Like, who was the first guy to say that? Like, they're loose. Right. That's kind of a very sexual undertone. Provocative, sure. Yeah, loose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, over there like a day or two. Yeah, a couple days. I mean, uh, I'll pull some slots with you. I never pull slots because I don't even know when I win. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's go find a fun, maybe we find like a fun game, like a Wheel of Fortune type game. You know how every once in a while there's one of those and you're like, hey, let's play this one. Let's uh, let's do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, we should have a slot machine. Or like, pinball machine or something. Like, yeaah. I was like, the fact that, you know, we were a very culturally significant show. We could have had a slot machine. And you know what you do to the slot machine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, the fact that that show that's been on for like 25 years, that's still currently on and they've made like 5 movies, the fact that they have a pinball machine, that doesn't make any sense to me. Yeaah, that doesn't sound like a good move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you blew it. You blew it! Or was it Isaac that blew it? I can't tell. I don't know. There's no way to tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That being said, I love Isaac, and he did show us, uh, his tits on a couple occasions, in Oakland and in Omaha, so. Yeah, we've seen him naked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since I can't watch the show The Idol, uh, all the time, I gotta see Pink Nips, uh, in other places, you know, and that's Isaac. So that's the guy you would have, the Pink Nipple guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I already have that guy though, it's Isaac. It is. And we love him, bud. And we love him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, shitting, yeah, shitting on him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Shitting him down and build him up. I mean, I, I guess, yeah, that is true. And, uh, was that another episode of? This is important. This? It is! It is!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Means in the morning, you will report to me that you made it across the river. Into German lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, Adam, you hit someone in the face! I think they're blind! You have to get out of there! They're calling the cops!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, why are we not selling that many tickets? And it leads me to believe like, uh, you guys asked friends, and they were like, nah, we're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have like a line up of Houston, uh, cause Yance is a Houstonite? Oh, she is, huh? Heyyyy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so cool. That's actually fuckin' sick. I like my dad's, uh, when you drop it. Drop it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, so like we had like a notebook full of questions that we're asking the doctor, right? And it was just all like serious questions. I can't remember any of them now, but we had all these questions and we're asking one after another and it was a COVID time so we weren't allowed to be there. So we're zooming in and we're just asking all these questions. My sister and my mom and myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes, he goes, I got a question. And the doctor's like, what's that? And he goes, can I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was only exclusively trying to finger bang and buy weed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we just talked about this, but I have a cold plunge at my house and I just got out of it and then I was trying to get in the shower and my wife walked in like right as I'm butt naked getting in the shower and she looked at my dick and she goes, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good question. Who out of the four of us would die sober by accident?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you cannot drown, I said land, you fucking idiot!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I thought it was like by an accident that you caused on land. I thought that's what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My teeth are so like tiny little chick lit like George W. Bush teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I'd rather just chew my teeth down to their just gums. Yeah, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, my parents didn't have to come home one time and my parent, my dad got tackled and to the ground and they put cuffs on him because they thought I was a school shooter. What? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're blind! You have to get out of there! They're calling the cops! And I'm like, FUCKIN' ZACK! LET'S ROLL!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you were fuckin' wild in high school. Yeah, he was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a bad scar here and I'm convinced that's why my mustache doesn't connect right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if I run, cause I ran into Adam Levine before and I was like, dude, my name's Adam Devine. Your name's Adam Levine. It's one letter off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're reading- Is that a different story? A different story. No, no, no. This is the- Oh, oh, when they raided the house. This is, this is what she said. They came in and they were like- And then she tried to like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, and she goes, it just felt like I had to give my daughter a chance at a future, and so it was sort of like my daughter's future. She said that twice. She is so dumb. Which meant I had to break the law. What does she know, one word?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not. It is. No, it isn't. It is. There's only one way to find out. No, it's not Carnegie. It is. It's like the Appalachian Mountains. You think it's Appalachian Mountains, but it's Appalachian. Is it? It is. Oh boy. Uhm, let me... Isaac, do you know how to say Carnegie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Carnegie was the way we all say it, but that's the wrong way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nathan Edwards asks, which one of you would make the best naked grandma?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I feel like we never had any, like, true throwdown dragouts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally. Yeaah. We got him. I miss Linda. She's a great person.


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[Assistant] I'm kind of proud of the pixies, that's a good vibe, I'm into that.


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[Assistant] Okay. Alright. Big roar from the crowd, by the way.


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[Assistant] Happy. Like rubbing the top. Kyle, it's your turn to take the kids to school. I'm coming!


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[Assistant] Dude, I was at uhm, Starbucks this morning, and there was a girl on the phone, and she, like the music was kinda loud, so she was speaking loudly, but also she's from New York, so she was speaking loudly.


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[Assistant] And then I went back into like the ticket booth, you know, the people are like, how many or whatever? And I was like, oh, I gotta, I gotta fart.


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[Assistant] Uh, my favorite actor to work with, Daniel Stern. Oh, Daniel Stern. Daniel Day Stern. Daniel Day Stern, yeaah. He was just such a nice guy.


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[Assistant] And ate a Gouda fuckin' bacon, egg white sandwich like a skinny bitch.


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[Assistant] I actually just got it though, it's nacho typical pizza, er, restaurant. Nacho.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's the other thing is like as you get older you realize how many of your teachers were fucked up.


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[Assistant] Here we go, law of averages. What kind of science experiments did you do, Adam, if you didn't have any? Here we go!


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[Assistant] I've only been in this theater and then on an airplane and I'm out.


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[Assistant] I like to think you were on the news and it's like footage from the chopper and it's just you crying going


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[Assistant] But why did you stop there? I mean, if you're gonna lie, you might as well be like, wait, what's that? Wait, there's an attacker in the building, and he says, if I don't sell-


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[Assistant] Yeah. So wait, is that the whole study? They're like, hey, cavemen, uh, woke up early. And that's it.


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[Assistant] Adam, can you do me a favor? Do a- do a go big red for me. Oh shit.


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[Assistant] The, the, there's like a guy there and he just was wearing really super baggy...


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[Assistant] I constantly, I was Fernand the Bull, I kept recording it and they're like, oh it's so good, great job. And then a week later they're like, yeah we're gonna need you to come back in. And then all of a sudden they go, we don't need you to come back in. And I go, why? And they go, because John Cena is now playing Fernand the Bull.


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[Assistant] Because the show wasn't like, it hadn't even come out the first time we came, and we're giving interviews. I remember the first red carpet, we're just black out. You see it in our eyes, we're like,


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[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't know, well I didn't say eat it, but you know, kids be crazy. And so they're like, what does this taste like? And, uh, you know, kids got really


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[Assistant] And I just have to, I just have to go three city blocks and I'm like, now we gotta take the scooters.


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[Assistant] We don't want that fucking around.


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[Assistant] No, actually, don't call us African Americans. Call us American Africans.


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[Assistant] There we go. It also says, I also went to an all black school, I'm a white guy, and also into the same shit. Hey Evan. Yea. No you're not.


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[Assistant] So Connor Zatino wants to know, is it normal that sometimes when I shit, I cum?


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[Assistant] So she like put my feet in, she's like, uh, can I do this special treatment? I think you'd enjoy it. And I'm like, yeah, sure, I don't know. And then she put my feet in hot jelly and I go,


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[Assistant] I only remember, for whatever reason, music sticks in my head and I can remember if I start to sing something.


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[Assistant] We were about to fucking do it, but they'll never take!


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[Assistant] It was, it was a nice come up, she sat right between us and like, she was like this tall, it was perfect. Dude, you guys should have Eiffel Towered her in the back.


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[Assistant] Hey, before we move on, I do want to say the last 18 to 24 months...


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[Assistant] You look like you can do, like be really good at a lot of stuff. Yea, I look like I can skate, surf, play guitar, be a mad scientist, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Like you could have a garage or it could just be an aquarium.


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[Assistant] You know for a fact when you wake up as a young child, us.


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[Assistant] Your kids were watching. Nah, I think, no, this was like 2012. Woah.


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[Assistant] When did we go? We went with our kids. I was blackout drunk for that.


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[Assistant] It's like the same silicone that they make dolls out of and you wear it as you go.


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[Assistant] You don't read the Tyler Parody Bible? What the fuck, dude?


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[Assistant] We're gonna be on, we're gonna be on tour, flying to New York, he's gonna be front row, actually come in the bathroom with me for a second mate. I'm gonna take you in Bruges. Come here right here.


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[Assistant] I think she would do really well as Blake. I think she would too. She'd be like, she ready.


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[Assistant] That's really cool, and I support that.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... I'm the Jeffrey Dahmer of jizzing on every part of my room.


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[Assistant] No, he was pissing and you were puking. Next to him. And I was so mad that you were- By the way,


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[Assistant] There's that good ol' fuckin' Bay Area meat right here, you found it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, I consider that. I consider that to be fucked up.


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[Assistant] I feel like if I get on it, I just want somebody to fucking knock me down. I'm like Goro. Why? You don't want me to? Okay. Fuck you. Dude!


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[Assistant] We have not collabed on that just quite yet. But maybe we will.


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[Assistant] Now we don't have the power to open the portal. They come out when they want to.


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[Assistant] That's the movie. I want the Grandpa Joe spinoff.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they drink their own pee. Bro, that's insane. They call it the bubbler? No, they don't. Bubbler, yeah. That's Australia.


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[Assistant] Is that what you call it? No, everybody say awww. Awwww. Aww. Yeah. Thanks guys, I really love it.


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[Assistant] So you're saying that in, with human evolution, you think that the, the male hand should produce some kind of lubricant? You would think so, right? I'm thinking like, yeaah.


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[Assistant] It's crazy how many of our heroes, quote unquote, dicks we've seen.


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[Assistant] I got the yea dirger in like long sleeves. Look at this diamond.


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[Assistant] You see this thing? You see what's going on right here? I said I wouldn't do this. I said I wouldn't do this. Come on Dersh, show the chest. Kyle, your physique is insane. What do you think my name is? Dersh? Come on Dersh.


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[Assistant] Latitude? God damn. Wow, Terse. Yeah, dolphins don't have hair.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what's up? Well, they- they're Hollywood, dude. They're- they're laser and that shit. Oh, it's- oh, I see a little bit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, that had the plague. Awww.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. He's frail. You make durrs look like a child. He has a female's physique compared to you. Yeaah, and they're so bony too, Kyle.


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[Assistant] Dude, I wanna put a level across your back. Cause it's all in my head.


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[Assistant] It was a movie where, in the 90s, I, in the 90s, where it was about this, in the 90s, dude who cuts this chick's arms and legs off and puts her in a box. And that's the whole movie is like him, like keeping this girl in a box.


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[Assistant] Julian Sant, what, you're like saying like this is a huge story, no one heard that it


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[Assistant] Bro, I'm getting thrown back super hard to blockbuster video right now.


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[Assistant] This guy was in the movie that I've never seen, but I remember the cover so well that as soon as I saw this word, do you remember the movie Warlock?


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[Assistant] I've never seen this movie, but the cover was, every time I saw it I was like, oh, this movie's about to kick fucking ass, but maybe it's too demonic for me. This guy is a legend. I didn't remember it, but I definitely


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[Assistant] Uhm. That sucks. Damn. Well, boxing, I feel like boxing in Helena was kinda like the first like human centipede. Like where it was like, oh you gotta watch this shit cause it's like,


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[Assistant] He loves her and he doesn't want her to leave so he cuts off all her limbs and keeps her alive. Okay, relatable.


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[Assistant] Oh shit, Taco Bell vampires. Remember, uhm, remember, remember breakfast, lunch and dinner was when, uh, Colin Farrell from his sex tape, when he was talking about eating the girl out.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Yo, shout out to Colin Farrell. You had a sick-ass sex tape. He turned it around. Did he? He's really kind of a- People don't talk about it enough. Yeaah, it was-


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[Assistant] It was 2000 and late. I think it was after, uh, when he was Bullseye for Daredevil. He was like, his star was rising hard. 2005.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder what, what is the sex tape drops timeline? Like I would love to know the years. So, Pam and Tommy was one. Kim, Kardashian, Ray J was two, right?


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[Assistant] Then Colin was, and then I feel like people try to get theirs in there, but they like, it was like Vince Neil or whatever. And you're like, I don't want to see this guy fucking.


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[Assistant] Legend. She didn't even ever talk. She didn't even have to talk.


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[Assistant] Like her first, like, I wanna say like her first five years in like the WWE, she just didn't even say a word. She just stood there buff as fuck, just holding the belts.


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[Assistant] That's a lot! Damn. Gawker didn't- they didn't learn after that? This is one of the-


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[Assistant] So Gawker was a trash ass fucking publication or website or whatever. Oh yes. They sucked. They were just stealing.


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[Assistant] His character says the n-word? What the hell? Yeah, his character is pretty racist. Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I'm thinking Salt Lake City. Do you think it's early on?


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[Assistant] Arizona is a live nude show. Arizona is completely nude. We're billing it that way. Live dudes.


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[Assistant] Allegedly! And that's why Kid Rock is fuckin'...


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[Assistant] It is fucking crazy. Sex, sex tape culture is fucking nuts. It's crazy how many of our heroes, quote unquote, dicks we've seen. Like that just didn't used to be seen.


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[Assistant] I've seen Brett Farbs dick, I've seen Draymond Green's dick, I've seen-


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[Assistant] He posted his dick. He had a really small dick. It was crazy. He had a really small one? Well, you know, it was fine.


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[Assistant] How much, how much, how much time did you have one on one with Bill Maher? Did you have any experiences just chatting him up or?


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[Assistant] This is documented. This is documented. What did you see in there, man?


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[Assistant] Oh, if you like, accidentally like, printed an image, it would be like, oh fuck, there goes all my ink, like tear it out, tear it out. Oh fuck, there, yeah.


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[Assistant] That's icy hot. What are you talking about? Shaq has a... Shaq works for...


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[Assistant] Wow. That's a trip, dude. Are you kidding me? That was like me and fucking fourth grade probably around. Okay, alright.


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[Assistant] You're saying if you had one wish to reveal a male penis, you guys are saying shacks.


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[Assistant] I'm not revealing it to be impressed, I'm not revealing it, I'm revealing it beca- I'm- For science. Trying to think of a person that I want to, like, I'm like, huh, I wonder.


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[Assistant] No dude, I've talked about this before. I think that historically it would be.


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[Assistant] Add a lot of important information to how society was formed, how people come to power, if we revealed


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[Assistant] Yes, I'm saying, does Elon Musk have a huge cock?


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[Assistant] Or is he, is it super small and he's like just out putting so much to get over his small cock?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. But nerds, you tend to think nerds have small, small penises. They don't. They don't.


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[Assistant] That's a great question. The overrunner on that is crazy. He's a big man, he's a big man. I'm like, Gandhi is hauling around a fucking hog, dude. Right.


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[Assistant] The BDE? The biggest dick energy, like nothing fucking, he was in-flappable.


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[Assistant] If it was exactly, that's why he didn't wore, he didn't wear traditional garb because he just had to design basically.


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[Assistant] No, Gandhi had a one of one style. Nobody was wearing that get up. Nobody was wearing that.


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[Assistant] You think you were wearing the like, the wrap and over the shoulder, like the...


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[Assistant] I think he was saying I don't need anything. He had a little more steeze I feel.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I feel like part of what Gandhi was, right, like his thing was I don't need earthly possessions, so I'm just gonna like tie this like kinda curtain around me and then like that's what's up. But also I'm gonna hide my huge laptop.


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[Assistant] I know what I, I know, but I'm just saying like just material.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, but that's also a, that, that's also a dangerous game, cause like, didn't th-


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[Assistant] Like I think they got like Jimi Hendrix cock and it's kind of small.


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[Assistant] Yes, she was a very famous, do we say, groupie? That's like a bad word now, but like.


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[Assistant] How do we pronounce this, Todd? Pamela Dabaris? Dabars?


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[Assistant] Yeah, probably. Wow. That's a fake name.


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[Assistant] We lost a fucking good one, man. Fucking shout out. She had a long life. How old was she?


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[Assistant] Yeah, are you a wheel guy? I think I did as a kid. I think I was a wheel guy. I never liked wheel. I never liked wheel.


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[Assistant] What's your super specialty? What do you deep, deep dive, you know the most about?


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[Assistant] What, anybody who has seen the Family Feud episode between Anders and Adam's families, the divines first of all.


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[Assistant] It was between. When your mom served up Drew Carey, I'm like, I know who it is now. Your mom pulled it and I'm like, that's what it is. But was that the last guess? It was a great episode.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was not hard. I think it's gotten way harder. They're like, what's a thing you know?


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[Assistant] It, it, well, it's definitely got way more sexual. Like, the answers are hella se- Yeah, it's got hella sex-


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[Assistant] No, I like that. No, but I wanna know. I wanna know.


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[Assistant] I mean, he is, he's European, right?


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[Assistant] I wanna apologize to anybody who was offended by Adam saying the national average was seven and a half inches.


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[Assistant] And you'll find out in Arizona, in Arizona.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I think it's just a cup of water.


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[Assistant] Points, points, points, points! Yeah, there's no wallet. Why even steal from me? I have no wallet.


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[Assistant] She's like, where's the bow in her hair? She was like kind of a, she's just like sort of a pop star. I don't know. She was really big. She has a lot of shit in Target. She was a YouTube, YouTuber who kind of blew up and she's from Omaha. Yes. What's the song?


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[Assistant] Yes. She was, but then what was kind of cool is she came out as being lesbian and then like that was like a big deal, but now she's like a, you know, kind of like a cool. She's from Omaha.


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[Assistant] She probably hated Omaha if she was like, you know, like a young lesbian girl and I don't know how accepting, or is Omaha super accepting? I don't know. I'm making shit up now.


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[Assistant] Okay, well, with that said, did your team, did your team, was she on your team? And we lost, and, and uh, yeaah, was it?


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[Assistant] The all-star game for baseball that they just started. Did you get to see like the, the bunt competition? That's like my favorite thing now where you try to bunt it in like little targets and stuff.


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[Assistant] I honestly think it was something that came over, they did it at like the Japan, Japanese like all-star games, is they did these like bunts and then I think people saw it on Instagram and were like, oh that's kinda cool, like it's like a little accuracy challenge and they're just trying to fail.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like they put these big targets out and you try to make it in the middle of like the, of the circles.


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[Assistant] Like I forget what game it was, but like Paul George, it was some overseas game for one of those tournaments and then like his leg just completely exploded. It's like brutal to watch and it's like, oh, that shit happened. Not even in a real NBA game. Like why am I risking the bag for something?


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[Assistant] Did you get to see a little bit of Seattle? I love Seattle. Seattle's so cool to me.


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[Assistant] You have fun in Oakland? You got hyphy or what? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I love cities that like, have identities. It's so fucking fun when you go somewhere and you're like, it's just unlike other places. They just, but it could be a little scary kinda walking past.


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[Assistant] You ride the wheelie straight towards oncoming traffic and then whip away just at the last second. Oh really? I haven't seen this. This seems insane. How many kids


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[Assistant] A bike cage? Yeah, we did! At junior high, there was a bike cage. How high is the fence on that bike cage? It was high. It was like a box. It was like a, almost like a wrestling, like hell in the south. That's where we had fights.


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[Assistant] I also feel like I just saw Guar did one. And I'm not kidding. They're like full makeup. Yeah, they're also like plugged in electrically. So it just, it's just kind of just a Guar concert, but without blood.


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[Assistant] No, I would love to walk down this path with you. Cause yea, I don't see it as corny. What about it is corny? Just like the fake, like the audience kind of watching? Yea. The bookshelves? I just don't like it.


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[Assistant] Well, I think that, but that's what I'm saying is I think, like, juvenile has been such a source of, like, he is imprinted in the fabric of, like,


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[Assistant] Like, truly everybody knows Back That Ass Up. Like, everyone knows that song. My mom knows that song. He's so much ma-


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[Assistant] But it's so much part of the mainstream that like, yea, like every, like that everybody's gonna wanna watch that. And it's, yes, it's kind of going against what it originally started as where it's just like hipsters in a hipster setting doing hipster style music and now they're like,


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[Assistant] But there's also times when you want to hear music in a completely different style, like how they would do like Metallica with like the San Francisco Symphony and that shit.


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[Assistant] You haven't heard the disco remakes of the Star Wars theme? Come on, Kyle, this is done, dude. I have not heard that, but that's disco.


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[Assistant] Didn't they used to say that the most deadly and poisonous drag of the cigarette was the very first one?


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[Assistant] Against cigarettes. Yeaah, come on, be honest about it. They're not that bad. Cigarettes are fine.


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[Assistant] I mean, have you guys smoked like a, have you smoked like a Marlboro Red? Those shits is fucking hard, dude. I never did. I remember when-


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[Assistant] The vest? Like what is a, uh, it's like a theater kid, but he's not fully entrenched in theater. He's more of an outside creative. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's probably his way of saying, I don't have a wallet. It's kind of like the thing with like, you know, cars get bit all the time out there, so they just leave the windows down. So it's just your way of saying like, there's no point. Don't rob me. Yeah, I have no wallet.


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[Assistant] That makes a lot of sense. Wow.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, my god, how good did it probably go? It probably was like it.


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[Assistant] I was laughing. Yeah. Blake hit something.


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[Assistant] I can't pretend, well I like to be real with TII Nation, you know? I like to- I like that about you.


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[Assistant] They're not listening. You know, I don't see them that often because, uh, you don't post them on the Instagram, so I don't get to see them as often as I would like. No, no. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They're amazing. Oh, dude, I watch, uh, dude, Selling Sunset is...


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[Assistant] Your mom? The whole time I was thinking of Carol.


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[Assistant] And that's how I, yeaah, okay, well it's good, it's peak behind the real estate curtain.


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[Assistant] Uh, slightly different. Slightly different. Mina Sarvari's in both of them. It's a naked


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[Assistant] I don't wanna be Link anymore. And then he- I gotta be a person. And then the whale starts. And then he decides to eat himself in- in- inside of a room.


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[Assistant] Dude, I bet it is. It doesn't sound bad, I mean, therefore the first few years is probably way fun until he goes to leave, and he just, he's like stuck in the doorway, so I'm like, pfft, pfft, uh oh. And he can't get through, and he's like, ah fuck, that's when it would suck, when you can't leave through the doorway.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they left that part out. Yeah, that's- That scene, that's not a scene. That's the blooper reel.


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[Assistant] Ooh, I might- Is that a spoiler alert? That I- I- no? Well, I feel like you should've-


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[Assistant] You don't? I remember the cover pretty specifically. Yeah, it's pretty much the cover. Red dress.


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[Assistant] What? I thought it was, I thought he like literally like hurt his back doing stunts on the mummy and never fully healed. I swear to god this is what I heard. And it hits close to home for me because I'm like, I could star in the whale here in like 15 years.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no. Yeah, so I'm relating to Brendan Fraser. Definitely. The whale too. Yeah, we've already talked about this.


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[Assistant] Well yea, that's back when they used to do magazines. Right.


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[Assistant] Okay, so Fraser claimed that he was the victim of sexual abuse in Hollywood, alleging that former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association sexually abused him and he alleged that he had squeezed his ass and sexually assaulted him. Which by the way, like- Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I feel like nuttapping has just been around for... I know it's been around, but was it made upon...


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[Assistant] And I don't think it's more popular now than ever. In fact, I would say it's really on its way out. I agree.


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[Assistant] What's up, dude? Theater kids, let's- How was cons? Cans? Oh, can, can. Pizza, pizza. How did you- It is cans, right? It's can. We were correct in saying can. It's can. Cause this kid was in the theater.


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[Assistant] It's fine, dude. The joke is you, motherfucker. Joke's on you, mother. I wanna hear, dude, what, what did you go in, did you sneak in any cool parties? Any cool people? Did you hang out with anyone super interesting? What happened?


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're still clever about shit. Wes has gone home. He's halfway done shooting his next movie. Your hands are just bleeding.


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[Assistant] Dude, it's gonna be, it's gonna be fine. Good director, good writer. I feel like Cannes is a little bit, people are a little fancy there. You know, maybe Indiana Jones isn't for the fancy Cannes folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did that. Now is weed legal there? Can I sell can... weed drinks at can? That'd be a good cross promotion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet it does something, there's like the tiniest amount, but I don't know. I've been giving that stuff to my kids, to like, to rub on my hip and groin and knees, and I'm lathered in that shit, dude. It didn't help at all. I did it for weeks and weeks, and I was- It does seem like a scam, I'm like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you? Is that right? Are you on the- When he just flashed, he just flashed-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. When was the last time you smoked? Uh, uh, two nights ago. Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, he's telling the truth, guys. Alright, that checks out. Oh man, uh, when was it? Yeah, one friend standing up for him. Yeah, no, he's telling the truth, guys. I was with him. I saw him. I kinda been- It had to be yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true, I'm back on it, bro. Good job, Blake. I've been off and on it for years, uh, but dude, when did I last smoke weed? Yeah, Doris, when?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm, I'm on a, uh, all day, everyday kick lately. Nice dude. Yeah dude, it's pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it is illegal to drive your car in smoke weed because that's where I do it the most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the most fun. If it's not encouraged, why is he doing it? If you want to make your drive more fun, smoke weed. It makes it way better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'd be, you'd take the wrong turn somewhere and decide you'd live somewhere else now?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I know, hey dude, me too, Kyle, I'm tired of pretending, I'm over it. It's actually legit.


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[Assistant] The graphics were super duper, super duper bad because I do get thrown off when I watch. There's no graphics.


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[Assistant] That's fuckin' cool. Buzz balls? Is that real? He was, he was an alcoholic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, Stephen King has written, and this is what Google says, guess how many books he's written? Uh, a hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's over a hundred, dude. I'll say, oh, over or under 70. Over. Under. 69. 69! No, and here's where Google's weird, it says at least...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why, was he, was he like ashamed of writing these dopass movies? Bachman, Turner, Ode of Overdrive. Or dopass books?


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[Assistant] Yeah, totally. I'm just sloth. They're like, oh, Adam for sure should be Puzzle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big guys. God damn, they weight a lot.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you just have to be heavy. Okay. Alright, well I'm heavy, for sure, for my size. This is your whale. You're gonna do great. Oh, thanks dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh huh. You'd think it would be okay. But guess what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so you're going to grind the cement down? Grind for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, okay, so it's empty inside. Okay. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, then you can handle that, that's a, that's a for real bam.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well for sure you, you paid more to buy this tool than it would have cost you to just get some guy out there that already had it to do it, right?


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[Assistant] That's incredible, like, like fucking Blockbuster, but for tools? Yeah, yep. Yeah, man. I did not know that's a thing that's real. Blake, did you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would break it, well you just have to know like who, who you are as a person. Like, I know that I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Break it, lose a finger, like maim someone, like structurally damage my home forever. Commit murder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I sh- I mean, I shouldn't, because I know this about myself. I know, like, it's dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has it sunk? No, no, no. He fully didn't do it right and he had to hire, like, spend a bunch of money to have other people come in and fix his mistakes, which is for sure what I would do and maybe worse. Oh, I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, other people, other- no, he like messed up halfway through to where they're like, if we don't finish this, their whole project, and then I think he had-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, I put up the mailbox. No, I think last time I talked to them I remember him saying that he totally fucked it up and needed people to help him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I'm putting myself in his camp. I think I would also, I saw him do that the whole time. I'm going, Austin, don't do this. You're going to, like the house is going to collapse on your family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Austin. And I know if I tried to build a home, uhm, it would also, the same thing, imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that all these like sub companies have sprung up out of the pickleball craze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll see how that goes. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. So what is, what is the material then, the Pickleball material? Is it like a... It's like a vinyl. Is it like a sod?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like a kitchen, like a, your mom's kitchen floor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, ask, ask when you're gonna be done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you have a court back there. You don't, like, are your friends close enough to where you're at? I haven't been to your new house, so I don't know how close you are to the homies. They come out. To what? What's the question? Are they close enough to quickly swing by and just play a quick game, or is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roll out that, uhm. Oh, dude, right after I, I, like, kinda was dunking on San Francisco, uh, a couple weeks ago. Mhm. Now, like, CNN's doing a documentary. Have you seen that? They're doing, like, it's like the fall of San Francisco or some crazy shit. Like, documentary on CNN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's not. They're doing documentaries on its fall from grace, but.


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[Assistant] The best city? Uh, it'd be like Austin, Texas or Nashville, right? I don't know, man.


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[Assistant] But I like New York, yeaah, but I wouldn't call it the crown jewel right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a smart kid, but I-I mean four or five- Kids know. Like how big does a thing have to be in order? Is it like a mountain stretches or is it like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Movies like that. Oh yea, Never Ending Story fucking rocks. I feel like someone, they could redo that movie and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't disagree with remaking movies like that, that like a whole generation of kids, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They wouldn't watch the old version because it's too old. It's like off-putting almost, you know? When they watch something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, that doesn't look real at all.


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[Assistant] Yea dude, because graphics have been so good, and like, video games are so good now, like, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. I remember when Super Mario Bros. 3 came out and I was like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like moved, yeah. Totally. Oh yeah, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like those movies are ripe to be remade to have another generation of kids fall in love with that story. Cause it is really cool, imaginative, or come up with an original idea, but no one likes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When does your, uh, King Kong, King Kong vs. Godzilla show come out? Uh, I don't know, October? Something like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, Season 3 is coming at you, dogs. Hell yea, dude. Very excited. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epic slams? Any promos?


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[Assistant] I know, you thought it was, we both were wrong and I confidently misspelled it wrong as well.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Ex hamster, dude. I feel like that's a little bit of a deep cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What cast will go, will go really far. Yea, sometimes, sometimes, and sometimes that, well, you know, that'll bite you in the butt a little bit, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you want, if you want to, like, hold my shoulders, or, or, like, hold my cock like you do with your friends from back home, uh, I guess that's fine. I guess that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then that's a fondle. Then that's a fondle. That's too far, yea. Yea, that's a fondle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brought to you by, uh, and I'd like to welcome Kyle back to the states after his journey abroad. Very exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there you go. Barry the Lee. Yeah, I saw that. And did you like get close to him or you were like a football field away? I was up on a balcony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was definitely drunk, I definitely took those shots, uh, multiple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you know that, uh, if you've gone to a live show, you know that we basically just scream at each other and the crowd. We just sort of stand at the edge of the stage and scream at the crowd for three to five minutes. At the beginning of almost every show, which I love the connection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really enjoyed that hat, thank you. I don't know if he was, uh, in what capacity he was giving me the hat. If he was the person that is able to give away such honors. I didn't talk to him, he just came up at the end of the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's locals, we say, methods. But if you're not a local, you would definitely, without a doubt, say Medford. Because that is exactly what it looks like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were saying that before we went. But that one was sick because that was the first show. We, you know, it's exciting for us. We didn't know what to expect. And that show sold out immediately. People were way stoked in Boston. And a lot of people dressed up, which is what I was so rock hard about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I mean, they could be viewing themselves.


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[Assistant] But you know what, we met those wizards in the meet and greet line after the show, and I will say they weren't the same.


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[Assistant] It's amazing that they take so much time off between opening up the portals. You know, before this it's been years. It's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of a sudden the lights change. It's like, I mean, you know, I thank them for coming because the people do enjoy seeing the wizards perform. And a whole magical portal has to open up in order for this to happen. So I understand that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think the Wizards are doing it for them, the people that haven't seen it before. But I do understand what you're saying, Durr, is about, you know, we've had, we've just hardcore conversated. Yes, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's, it's like, you know, we think like that their world is just better cause it's magical. But then they come here and they steal from us. And you're like, okay, well maybe they don't have dope things like sugar free Red Bulls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I noticed, uh, I noticed there was more people at the Chicago show, uh, to bigger theater, and more people by quite a bit, cause the Method show, I think was, uh, uh, was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was a, that was a very fun show. The crowd was loving it. And we, uh, afterwards we partied downstairs in the Chicago theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crazy, but that's Buff Joe's, baby. We went there and we, uh, did we go to Buff Joe's afterwards? After, after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cool to see, it's cool to see. It was awesome man. Childhood homes too. Just chill. Because, uh, my parents moved away. When we do Omaha. That was my street ball name. I can, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I waited until I knew which one. I also loved the vibe of it. It felt like you walked back into 1985. Dude, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not a fan of the just cash. Part of me really likes when it's just cash. Cause I'm like, look at you guys beating the system. Yeah. Yeah. We're coming anyways, where it's not, we're not going to come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like bowling alley still rock the RC colas? Yea, you can get RC'ed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that show is sick. I really enjoyed it. I loved, uh, it was wild because the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's in the round, right? And so we had to block it off because we're on couches. And what does in the round mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It means the stages in the center and people are all the way around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like a couple thousand people and the farthest away from the stage you are in the Celebrity Theatre in Phoenix is only 70 feet. So that's not that far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was hoping we were going to be able to do that.


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[Assistant] I think she'd be willing, uh, specifically with drinks. I don't know about doors holding, but then from Phoenix we made our way to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because as we, as we've learned with, uh, with Bert Kreischer when we filmed that video of us, I was shirtless, I was talking to Bert, and then we're all working out. What we have to do is, uh, skate by, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, uh, I read an article that said he sold 750,000 tickets, and, dude, I saw that poster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wendell. Kayla Wendell. She made us cute little ashtrays. Thank you for sitting right next to my desk. And I'll say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I do not know, uh, it, it is, it's here and it is so beautiful and, uh, I'm so, I'm super excited. Thank you to whoever gave it. He can't hold it up though. What city were we in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was cool. And that theater was beautiful. The Terrace Theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did it right there. It's also cool to see, like, all the other comics that come through there, and you're like, motherfuckin' Fluffy is the biggest touring act of all time. That guy, cause he always has a plaque in every theater that we've gone to. It's like, there's, they just, they go, Fluffy sold this shit out 200 times. Yeah. Fluffy, do you think he just brings the plaque?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think, I think Big Fluffy sell some tickets. Gabriel Gleisius. We love Fluffy. Fluff Master General. Fluff Dog. The Fluff Master General. So from Long Beach, we go to beautiful Denver, Colorado, and then we wake up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's uh, from what I remember, I didn't say it this time, but it's in the like, cause I think it's spread out like fingers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you know what? You gotta fly through there. So sometimes you gotta walk through Satan's asshole to get to your destination.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, we went to some bar that we were like, it's like a super cool dive bar. And we did have a good time there, but it was like, we show up and it was just like two packs of girls celebrating their uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Engagements, yes. Right. Yeah. And, uh, and they're all were from Omaha, dude. I loved it. I was just, I was with my people there. They're like, Omaha, Omaha. Yeah. Omaha?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, not many of us leave Omaha, so when you see another Omaha out in the wild, you're like, look at you, look at you out here mixing it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we, uh, and you know what, what I was so proud of us when we were in beautiful Denver. We left at an appropriate time. You know, we didn't, we didn't close the bar down. It was like 12, maybe 1230.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Congrats on the Olympics. I think I was doing pretty good, uh, it was a real brown out. You know, like, I don't, like, I was definitely drunk, I definitely took those shots, uh, multiple Jager shots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adobe? Adobe. Yeah, you've heard of Adobe. Yeah. They've been around forever. Can y'all say Adobe? Uh, and it's, and it's, it's in the, like, the Microsoft Theater, I think that's what it's so called, or the, it used to be Kodak. Yeah. But it's like 6,000 people, uh, just fucking raring to go for Adobe, so. Dude, I love Adobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We partied until like 6am and I was like, I'm not gonna get on that flight. I'm gonna stay here and I will get another flight later or maybe tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, early morning flight, I said, it was a 5am flight, or no, 5am pick up, 6.30 flight I think, and uhm, I said, hey, I'm not, I'm not gonna make it, I texted our manager.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm already 20 minutes away, they're already on the plane. And meanwhile, I'm on the gangway, trying to, waiting to get on. And, uh, these guys were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just figured he slept in and got in the car late. I always get in the car late because we have a car service that picks us up. I do too. I do too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then we went out, my parents were at that show, that was fun, then we went to the casino, I lost, I forget how quickly you can lose money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lost like $200 in like 15 minutes and I was like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was good to see you. They were like, yeah, yeah, we had a, uh, 4 p.m. dinner and then just wandered over. I'm like 4 p.m. dinner. Okay. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and you know, lo and behold, a portal opened up there too. Dude, how crazy. It's wild that every city we go to, this damn portal opens up and then the wizards come out and out stage us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Kevin, it wasn't a special thing for us. That's how Kevin rolls. That is true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like when you're at Six Flags, there's a log ride so you can get wet if you want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Open only to fellow masons and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we go inside and it's just like nothing, but they say it's going to be a 30 minute wait. We're kind of in a time crunch because we were too busy checking out Cheryl Crow, that Cheryl Crow exhibit in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And then we, uh, we're like, oh man, and then we wander around and we see the most delicious


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they call me Warm Brown. That's your street ball name? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then, but there was a buffet that was so banging. It was like Thanksgiving had just dropped, but also Thanksgiving where there's fried chicken, and did I have the wet ham and fried chicken, and the mashed potatoes, and the gravy, and the green beans, and the carrots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, in your meal, your plate looked unbelievably sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like four, I want to say four or five of them. And if you're, uh, if you're in Ohio and you're driving around Amish country and you're, you're hungry for a full blown Thanksgiving dinner meal with fried chicken and milkshake and a salad bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, last but certainly not least, uh, and maybe one of the most memorable shows just because a true life hero came out to the show and then hung out with us afterwards for a little while. Kyle Gass from Tenacious D came to the show


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a raucous banging show. I really like that show because one of the stagehands kept being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's cool that the Wizards come for sound check, you know? Yeaah. That is wild. That they show up early, through a quick portal, do a quick sound check, and then they dip. We know their lyrics too, so it's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, the Santa, and then November 9th, a couple days after my 40th birthday, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, as part of, as the mayor of Titty City, I take that apology and I... Dump it up my ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we go to San Diego, California, all those people that are like, why aren't you doing more California dates, you dumb bitch? We're there November 8th, so show up, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. December 5th, December 6th, December 7th, December 8th. We do a New York run of Huntington, New York, the 5th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] December 16th, Saturday baby at the beautiful Orpheum Theater where I did my special there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a slice place. This is pizza place, but they're both Omaha based.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you don't throw buzz balls that far, cause that slime would kill anybody. But we've been throwing t-shirts, and uh, I think Cleveland was home base of Hotpockets, so they get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, as much as doing the show in front of the people, that's obviously, that's so damn fun. It's, uh, I wanna say I love you guys, and it's so much fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always like, dude, it's cause it always brings a smile to your face, no matter what you're doing. They can be listening to music and you're like, look at Blake go, just kind of jamming out right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So close. My hair and face has the porno. You're like, what movie is this guy getting into right now? You know, he dug in the delta crates. And he found some good. I do like to. I'm watching it. And you're like, look at Kyle sleeping, just mouth agape. So tired. So sleepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I'm well done. I will say I'm stretching more than I've ever stretched, and I think it is helping. Like, I'm every night before I go to bed, every mo- anytime I'm in my hotel room, I'm just- As long as you're not browned out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but thank you, thank you Blake. Yeah, it's uh, I just went to the rheumatologist the other day and he's like essentially


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the doctor that after you go to every other doctor in the fucking world, he's the one that does like the detective work to find out what's wrong. Uh, and- I still have to go back one more time and he might tell me, oh I have some horrible disease, but as of right now, he's like, I think you just broke your body. He's like, I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I think you worked out too hard, and you over-text your body, and you took your body to the limit because of your injury when you were a kid. Right. You just, you went too hard in the pain, essentially. Sorry about it. Dr. Brozarki's like, you went too hard in the pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One leg is longer than the other, which causes, which can cause a lot of problems with your joints and everything, and he's like, I think you didn't stretch as properly as you should have. All that bike riding and all that crossfit exercising I was doing, cause I was doing, I take like maybe one day off a week, and a lot of times I do seven days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might do some like quick lunches or just pull my leg back. And uh, and so essentially he's like, it's going to be a long process of just rehab, just physical therapy. I don't know how to be in physical therapy probably for months and months and months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I should probably mention is, uh, I'm having a child, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a moment of gratitude, yes. Absolutely. Huge news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's our freakin' new pod name, dude. Drunk Isis. That's pretty good, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Jay-Z took the hill. He moved it 10 years up and Jay-Z says the hill is now 50. So the hump is 40.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, it added a layer, so I want to commend Kyle on that decision. You want to peel back the mystery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, that's a Midwest 40, though. By 40, you already have, what, like, five kids? It's like... Right, in California, it's 50. In California, it's 50. Iconically, 50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, well, maybe that's what birthdays should be. It shouldn't be a celebration of life. It should be like, hey man, your time is coming soon. Every single birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where? You should have to run for your life for 24 hours while your friends hunt you. Yes dude! Surviving the game. Surviving the birthday is kinda like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're all black and blue. I had something similar. Like we would, my family would do the spanking machine where the whole entire family would kind of line up in a tunnel and you had to, and you'd put that ball gag in your mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I specifically remember going through the spanking machine. You crawl through all the legs of everybody at your party and they spank you while you, you go through their legs. But my mom,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was stupid, I shouldn't have cried, it was, it was only, I think it was a power cry, like I was trying to take the power back by crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess death is funny. The black balloons are funny, daddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that actually really is, so that will jump you, it doesn't matter if you have a stye in your eye or a bit of a fever, just rub diarrhea all over your body and you will. Right. Uh huh. You'll skip the gunshot wound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not his, not his name, uh. Yeah, that's the AR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, the, the, the image of the character is kinda scary. It's like this shadowy... What's the premise? I don't know, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got weird eyes. So this man wears a top hat and we're scared of this man? It's so bad. When's the last time you met somebody with a top hat that you could trust? That's like the most...


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, when the lights went out, like back on, I think they dropped I Love L.A. and like the crowd was so stoked on it that they actually put it into the setlist because it was such a magical moment for everybody.


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[Assistant] She's like, could you please not smoke weed around me? I'm, I'm with child. Right.


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[Assistant] Well, hey man, listen to the old episode then. What episode can we point them to where they could listen to that? Dude, I can't remember everything you guys have said.


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[Assistant] Yeah dude, I mean, I guess you retain the important stuff. Who knows? Let's go!


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't fuckin' know. Sam Hayne is the Celtic New Year, the end of summer in the harvest season. God, we're killin' it today.


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[Assistant] What? Okay, Blake, you have the floor. Yeah, Sammy Davis Jr. was like, I'm gonna go take a shit.


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[Assistant] I'm super homies with the dude who runs the Church of Satan. There's like a bunch of cool photos. And those are his words? Yes, I'm super homies with


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[Assistant] He was that as well he was he was jewish practicing satanism.


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[Assistant] I think Blake's trying to say, what? Okay. I don't know if you could do both, dude. Sammy Davis Jr. tried. He really tried, man.


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[Assistant] No, it's very well known Hollywood lore that Sammy Davis Jr. was kicking it with the dude. I have heard this. I don't know his name, but basically the bald guy who was all like,


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[Assistant] This is the thing is I'm pretty sure like that the Church of Satan bro just had orgies and did cocaine and he was kinda like, we're riding with the devil. And then like Sammy. So he's kinda tight. Yeah, so Sammy Davis Jr. was just kinda like, this is like Rat Pack adjacent. I'm down to, okay, a famous Sammy quote. Okay, the quote is,


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[Assistant] Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity, so.


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[Assistant] Sorry. Hold on, everybody knows to get into the character you have to say his name for Sammy Davis Jr. Alcohol gives you-


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[Assistant] The jutting teeth. I definitely did the worst and I'll take that.


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[Assistant] Oh, yeah, cause it's a digital purchase.


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[Assistant] I thought that was because they were holding out for like a proper deal or whatever, but... No, it was like...


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[Assistant] Well, I've always said that Magic Camp is kind of the De La Soul of uh, kids movies.


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[Assistant] You don't know. Mark, Mark, aren't you here? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that was kind of the vibe, remember? Yeah, Great Britain. The Great Britain area. I feel like, uh, Bill-


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[Assistant] Uh, the Ramones kinda didn't do it, which is kinda cool. Yeah, that's dope.


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[Assistant] Dude, they're definitely kind of not doing a British accent. I'm trying to think of the punk band that tried to sound British in the, like, we're thinking of formative punk bands. The Ramones are probably the biggest American punk band.


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[Assistant] Iggy Pop, they were... Iggy Pop is hardcore Detroit, baby. Yeah, that's some motorcycle music right there. Uh, what about... I Wanna Be Your Dog is not British sounding. No, not at all. They don't have dogs in Great Britain, do they? No, they have dogs.


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[Assistant] Wow. Oh yeaah, yeaah, a little beef, huh?


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[Assistant] Ohhhh. Is that a sanction thing? Yeah. I think it-


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[Assistant] Dude, this is real shit. This goes all the way up to- Well, are you gonna post it, Ders? What's going on? He doesn't know if he can! I don't know, I-


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[Assistant] Such pussies. Such pussies. That's amazing.


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[Assistant] So now they're, they're fucking dead. Those are long gone, but they're coming back. Kyle's gonna, Kyle's gonna wear one next week. Those are, bye bye!


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[Assistant] I wish I could take back that moment and laugh through it with you because you're such a great mom and I know you're just...


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[Assistant] Kyle, do you have an apology? Maybe there's an apology?


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[Assistant] It's all water under the bib. It's all water under the bib.


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[Assistant] Wait, so, will you say these dates, so these people who think we're the wizards can, you can see, you can come and see a fucking portal opens up.


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[Assistant] Audience, they just start whipping it out, flicking the bean, cranking down, right, right there in their seat.


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[Assistant] God damn, I cannot believe it's Glom. Dude, I was just looking, uh, at my phone, and I got the weirdest headline, which was Victor Webenyama? The, uh, the, when, is it Wenbenyana?


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[Assistant] Wembenyana. The basketball player.


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[Assistant] Also, I don't know if Britney Spears is really looking how you remember Britney Spears right now.


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[Assistant] I would say maybe don't slap. No, you're right, I know, that's the... I feel like a, a ma'am do not touch him, uh, would probably suffice. A stern ma'am.


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[Assistant] He's protecting the future of the NBA. That is true. Hey, that is true. That is true. That is true.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I think it just happened last night, I don't know if, uh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause the food's not really that good and, and you're just there to like see famous people.


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[Assistant] Yes. What is it? A trap, but yeaah. Have you ever been to Catch Restaurant, Blake?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think you've been there. Yes, I think you've been there. This is in Hollywood or it's in Vegas? No, it's in Hollywood. It's off of La Cienega and Melrose. Oh, okay.


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[Assistant] It actually looks cool and it's like nice up there, but it is more of a nightclub than a restaurant. Like I ate there once and was like, it tastes like, this isn't, I mean, it's not like bad, but it's not particularly great for how much it is. You're like, let's just roll to the cheesecake factor and fuck some chicken littles up, you know? Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] We're people out of town that want to see Victor Webenyama and Britney Spears.


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[Assistant] Yeah, their bodies fail. Ja, Ja plays fantastic but can't stop pulling guns out. Dude, he's good.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, you can, you can flip that shit on, on the bay. You're, you're selling that on a Szechuan market. You're, you're going to sell some t-shirts. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess you would, what you do, okay, hey, college kid, listen to this. You need some extra coin, okay? Here's a little hack. You get, you make little packets of it.


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[Assistant] Mhm. Yes. Little sriracha packets. I love it. And you just, uh, dole it out like that.


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[Assistant] Guilty on the Heinz, baby. I don't know what, uh, what ketchup I am. I feel like I don't even... the fuck?


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[Assistant] Fair enough. So there's two ketchups? I like the classic Heinz, and then, and then I feel like I also have Heinz mustard too then.


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[Assistant] I don't mind that. I put that on uhm, I like to eat pretzel crisps and dip it into some mustard.


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[Assistant] Yeah, your, your tiny little taut mouth can't wrap it, wrap your lips around. Yeah, it's not the size of the pretzel. It's- But what about-


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[Assistant] No, they just look like they're, they're, they're flattened, they're like this.


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[Assistant] Well, I just was thinking, we're talking about all these, these products that we love. Okay, here we go. Well, pretzel products, pretzel products. And, uh, I don't know if they have these, cause they're pretty fucking new. They just came on the market, but it's,


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[Assistant] Uh, these are just vodka seltzers, uh, so it's not...


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[Assistant] Yeah, she owns, uh, it's called Fresh Vine Wine, and Nina and her friend Julian Huff, uh, they own that, that together, and uh. Smart. Yeah, they, they put these, these sick little bags together, which was kinda nice.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so we got stuff in the mail, baby. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, are you just red solo cup? How many ounces? Cause I fuck, I fuck a giant, uh, I fuck up a giant solo cup. No, you said you fuck it. Go ahead, you said you fuck it. And now we know. I fuck it. I fuck this cup. And my dick fits in there perfectly.


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[Assistant] Well, you gotta, dude, you know what you have to do to it? Wash it. Put it in the dishwasher and like.


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[Assistant] That's very smart. No, dude, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have it. I'm not done. I'm not done, okay? So shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. That's smart, Adam. I'm proud of you.


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[Assistant] Okay, it's a library in the Midwest, not in a big city, there's not a ton of homeless people. So smart. Because you're right, a library in California, it's just a ton of homeless people jacking off at the public wifi computers.


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[Assistant] No, no, no. Not even a smaller town outside of Omaha.


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[Assistant] Dude, public is a public, like the, like city council, like that is a public, cause you pay your taxes so it can run. Much like a post office, much like a DMV, much like a police station. So a poli- what about a police station?


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[Assistant] Dude, fucking bunch of cops assholes just fucking hosing down this bathroom.


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[Assistant] But it's not, it's not, uh, it's not public because you do have to pay to get into the stadium.


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[Assistant] More than Target? Dude, any time I've ever been to a church, I shit. Had to shit. Gotta get the demons out. Absolutely! Absolutely!


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[Assistant] You, you feel this? I feel like Sephora workers. Yeah, I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're wrong. You feel this?


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[Assistant] That is true. As a coastal elite, it hit there first.


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[Assistant] Oh, you, you came home all summer when we were at OCC? I didn't, I didn't know that. I think I would take large, large trips back. Yeah, you know.


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[Assistant] And so when you were there, you were like, so you'd go back from college.


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[Assistant] Is there? That was one of my favorite things in Workaholics when like, just trying to think of a funny way to like exit a scene and just, well, I gotta take a shit. And then you just exit.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean. I think it's just makeup. Yea, it's just makeup.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and that was a Carl's Jr. sponsored. Every once in a while we would do something, because really we didn't have that much money to make our show, so any time we wanted to do any stunt, we couldn't afford to do it. We had to get creative.