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[Assistant] That when you do these celebrity golf tournaments, cause you get just paired with a group. A lot of times they won't know me. And so I think you get, it's a little bit better now, but it was definitely, I mean, I've done it where.


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[Assistant] I, you feel like this group is like, who do we, like it's the lowest payment they did. Yeah. Just like, hey, you did one, right?


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, I've seen him on, uh, YouTube and stuff like that. He used to work at channel five. They just use your regular job as the credit. You know, he used to work at channel five. Oh, he did? Yeah. He was a producer at channel. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's cool, man. And that would be very funny to use. They use your regular job, day job as your credit. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we have credits now. Nate land podcast. No one knows my name. No one knows your name, but it's, you know.


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[Assistant] You're going to be the most famous one on this podcast. You're not going to be like, I can't go to the bathroom in South America. What does he say in South America? Ricky.


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[Assistant] Seinfeld reference. I forget so many things. I can't even go to the bathroom. Uh, so, uh, yeah, it was a fun weekend. I drove, uh, I drove up from Nashville to Columbus, Ohio, six hours. It was a nice drive. I think I needed, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good drive is not bad. I needed a, uh, like a loan. I mean, just, there's music on the way, podcasts on the way back and just, I mean, that took a long time. Did you buy a new album to listen to in the car? Yeah, bought a new album. I did. I listened to the same songs that I, I'm not a venturer.


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[Assistant] I try to listen, I listen to, Taylor Swift has a new album, I listen to hers. Yeah, what'd you think? It's fun, yeah.


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[Assistant] She's doing well. I like, I, I don't, I don't always move on with music. Like I'm not always, I'm not searching. I listen to what I listen to and when I'm in the mood to listen to it, I want to listen to these songs and then I don't.


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[Assistant] I'm never looking for it. Never, never going, Oh, what's, I got to catch it. And then I can tell pretty quickly if I'm going to like it or not.


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[Assistant] We're in, uh, also, uh, wanna let everybody know that, uh, you guys are doing shows.


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[Assistant] Uh, I have a drive-in tour that's going to be all over. Uh, we're going to Scranton, starting in Scranton PA to Houston, doing 20 cities.


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[Assistant] So come out to those driving shows, some of these places I've been to, uh, I, look, I think you gotta look at these as we're gonna, I'm gonna put on the best show I can put on for you and you gotta look at it as it's bring people out, sit in your car or watch outside the driving. It's a pretty unique


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[Assistant] Time and I think that's how, uh, these are going to be done. I think they're going to be fun. And, uh, we recorded a little something to air on, uh, on the drive-in shows. So, uh, it should be fun. So I'll be doing that. Uh, Aaron will be at Zany's in Nashville, September, what'd you say? 30th?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Your first album is, uh, you know, I was told when I recorded my first album, it's, it's a check mark into where you were in your career.


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[Assistant] Cause at first I didn't want to and then they were, and it was the best thing I ever did, uh, was record that album. The album helped me and yours will help you and your, it's a good thing that you're doing it. Cause sometimes you tend to think, ah, I don't know if I want to do it.


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[Assistant] Uh, so yeah, go get that. And, uh, uh, Bates, you will be in Lebanon at the Capitol theater in Lebanon. Getting too big. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Did you offer tickets to the guy that bought the CD, just free tickets? I should, shouldn't I? Yeah. She'd reach out to be like, he threw you a bone, uh, about getting that CD, that auctioneer. Yeah. Yeah. Get them. Maybe going to invite that heifer. Uh, he should bring the heifer out. Cal, the.


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[Assistant] Uh, that'd be fun. Well, that's good. So what is it? October 3rd? September 30th. Erin is there. October 3rd is Brian Bates. Lebanon. Uh, so if you're here in Nashville, go check all that stuff out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright, uh, as usual, we're going to start with, uh, some comments. I, uh, people have been asking where, where are we getting these comments from? Uh, we make them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The comments come, they come from YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Apple Podcast Reviews is where you've, where Brian has grabbed all the comments from. Also, we did set up an email and we believe this is the email that works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] naitland at naitbargetzi.com. So if you want to send any comments through email, you can go to naitland at naitbargetzi.com, uh, or go to YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Apple podcast reviews, uh, and we're, we're going to try to find it and put it out there.


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[Assistant] Nate, Brian and Aaron, y'all are a breath of fresh air as a mom of two kiddos who just went back to school. Some levity and break time is a must.


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[Assistant] And listening to you guys is a great way to relax. There's definitely comedy, but also some nuggets of genuine life advice. Love it. Thanks for showing up every week. That's very nice, Katie. Congrats on the kids going back to school. That was a lot for the parents, for them, you know, moms specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with kid, I mean, dude, cause they got pulled out last eight, you know, March and then straight up just rolling through, you know, you don't get that.


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[Assistant] Summer, I mean you don't get, you know, the rest of the school year, I mean it's like two months of just, and the kids are just home, running around.


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[Assistant] It's a lot. What kind of genuine life advice are we giving?


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[Assistant] I bet there's stuff, nuggets. Like she said, there's nuggets. I don't think she's, you know, I don't think she's going to.


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[Assistant] We said the opposite. Yeah, some dumb thing we said. And you know, and that's, that's like, I'll give advice. Anybody who asks for advice, I'll tell them everything.


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[Assistant] Well, you know, it's not all about the mean ones, it's about the nice, nice people should get a voice. Absolutely. Call me Brian. I appreciate it. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, David Daniels. Hey y'all. I just wanted to say a big thank you for the quality comedy and for giving me something real good and funny to listen to after long deployment to the Middle East.


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[Assistant] Thanks Nate for serving the troops on your USO tours. It means more than you know to us. God bless. Well, God bless you for doing it, for serving. Uh, it's, yeah, it was amazing to go over to the Middle East and, uh, I mean that, yeah, I mean that guy had to be over there for a long time. Uh, so yeah, thank, thank you for doing it.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've been over there like six, seven times. Wow. That's great. Uh, yeah. Like Kuwait, Iraq, Jibouti, Bahrain, uh, Jibouti when we went, they, we drove around.


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[Assistant] That was the first one I went to and they took us, uh, downtown and they said it all shuts down at noon.


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[Assistant] And then people get crazy. They're hooked on some kind of chewing tobacco or something that makes them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like see things. Hashish, is it? Maybe.


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[Assistant] I don't think I found that out til later. Uh, I found out right now. Yeah, I was gonna say like 10 seconds ago. And I was there.


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[Assistant] Jaden S. I was nearly the victim of Brian's sports story when I laughed myself unconscious. After Brian's attempt on my life, I made a huge lifestyle change and have been getting back in shape almost 30 pounds down.


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[Assistant] Still love the podcast, not only will I not get Brian's name wrong, but I will also be able to point him out in court.


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[Assistant] It's crazy. Yeah. 30 pounds. Congrats. Congrats, Jake. That's awesome. 30 pounds down. That hasn't even been that long. No, that's a quick.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Jayden, you're probably worse off now. Well, I think it's more how much you shook him. I mean, can you imagine, I mean, he must've watched this and then went and cleaned his pantry out. I mean, that's unbelievable.


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[Assistant] That could borderline be offensive to you. I mean, he took it. I mean, that's talk about motivation.


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[Assistant] I don't know, he's, sometimes you can drop, you know, I lost weight, and you drop, uh, you drop quick, a big chunk, and then you stop. And you plateau. And then you plateau.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yeaah. And it just, I mean.


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[Assistant] Fast food, you know, I'm trying, I just can't wrap my head around eating good.


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[Assistant] I love like candy. I just, I mean, when I, when I talked to a guy about trying to eat good, I told him I eat sour, like worms, sour worms. And he was like, really? And I was like, you don't, what do you not get about it? He's like, huh, you're just like an adult and stuff. Like you, I'm like, yeah dude, I can eat a bag of them every night.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and I just, it's a, you know, a problem. I had ice cream last night. Uuuh, what are you gonna do? I gotta get over it. Good start eating good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Matt Kosinski, Nate Rantz today had me wanted to run through a brick wall. Great advice for anyone to better themselves. Love the podcast a lot. Bon Bon and Aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bon Bon, what do you, what name do you think you're going to make it as? Cause it's not going to be Brian. It's going to be something else. Bon Bon I like. You like them all. That's why this keeps happening.


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[Assistant] I mean, Bon Bon. Welcome to the stage area. Bon Bon! You say, I mean, you could be.


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[Assistant] I'm dancing somewhere named Bon Bon. Now imagine the disappoint. Everybody please welcome to the stage Bon Bon. And then you walk out on stage and like, oh god.


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[Assistant] And then some guy's like, just wait. He has to just wait. Uh, Maria Alvarez, shout out from a stenographer.


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[Assistant] Oh, Aaron. No. This whole job is writing it, but they just say it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it kind of surprised me. That's how I look at it. If I don't know a word, that's what, just understand that's what it is.


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[Assistant] It was super exciting hearing my favorite people acknowledge this profession exists. We don't get a whole lot of credit, but this was enough to get me through my felony day. Keep up the good work. You keep up the good work. Wow. Yeah. She's, she's doing it. And, uh, lady, like we said.


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[Assistant] We said it's probably a field dominated by women. Yeah, that's true. And so, we like to.


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[Assistant] They're just, eh, eh, like chick, you know, just like peckin'. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What'd that guy, no, what'd that guy, is that when you go golfing, you're asking, what'd you get on the last four holes? You just, that's what the man has to do. I'm, hold on a pass. I stopped a while ago. Uh, get that witness back up like yesterday.


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[Assistant] Just a long drawn out. Alright, what did everybody, what was, alright, Judge, what was your name? I didn't get that.


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[Assistant] Michelle Moore on the subject of closed captioning. I am a closed captioner and every time I listen to you guys, I think of how much of a nightmare Nate would be to caption.


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[Assistant] Love the show and look forward to it each week. You guys are awesome. PS I vote for Bart to permanently change his name to Breakfast W Bates. W is of course for worried. Worried is still amazing. Breakfast W Bates. People like breakfast.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, like see, this would be a nightmare. So don't, don't give me any like...


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[Assistant] That I'm, you know, too hard on making some fun jokes, having a good time. Hmm. This is, I have a daughter. You're listening to this podcast. She doesn't listen.


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[Assistant] Uh, well she's a fan of Bob Ripple Pants. Is that where all this started? No. That was the first original name.


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[Assistant] They're the ones that went off on it. I didn't go to the listeners. Yeah, how about you guys? You guys are bullying him. It's not me.


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[Assistant] That's great. That is, uh, amazing.


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[Assistant] I mean, God, the confidence it would say, maybe he just saw you.


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[Assistant] Uh, I mean that's, you know, that's like drives you.


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[Assistant] Still went out to eat after, didn't you? Still didn't even. Ate at the club. Ate at the club. Didn't even faze you. That's the thing. You get to, you get past it. Eating bad or like, I mean, you know, if I eat bad, I do this stuff. You can just go. No, you can't.


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[Assistant] You can't bully me into doing something. You know? Too smart for that. Caleb Hales.


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[Assistant] I've been using short clips of Nate's stand up for, hold on, let me start it again. I've been using short clips of Nate's stand up to start our teacher professional development each week so far this year.


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[Assistant] We use the before guy and weight loss ads for goal setting, iced coffee with milk for clear communication and dead horse for not being afraid to ask questions. I'm going to eventually need some new material to share. That's awesome. That's a, you know.


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[Assistant] What's he doing? Professional development. For teachers. For teacher. Yeaah. To start a teacher professional development. It's like seminars. Dead horse for not being afraid to ask questions. That's pretty smart. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Uh, that's cool, yeaah. Well hopefully you will get some new material.


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[Assistant] One day, Caleb, when we get back out there.


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[Assistant] And do some stand up. Uh, thank you very much. Brian Lee. Uh, it's funny to watch how many times Nate touches and moves his microphone. I just keep yelling stop it when he does. Well, I know, I don't know. I'm a fidgeter.


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[Assistant] It feels, I like it. Yea, it feels like you're doing something. You're touching, you're doing something. I guarantee you Brian would, uh, be here doing it to you. Brian Lee would be, he would be like, you know, messing with everything. Uh, Krista Hobdy.


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[Assistant] That was the quickest retraction I've ever heard. I mean, well, I've read them now. Okay. You know, is that, you know, uh, but that's the one. I remember them making us read that book.


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[Assistant] I have a little joke about Harper Lee in my act. Fifty-five years after the first. What year was it? 2015?


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[Assistant] This one's called, uh, the J-Bird Lives song.


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[Assistant] Corey Martin, there's nothing better than laughing until you cry and your bombing stories made it happen. Thanks for such a fantastic podcast to break up my week. One question I have, how do you all feel about competition comedy shows? Seemed like the winners don't stay around. Just curious what your take on that is.


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[Assistant] Last comic standing or the stuff that they're doing now. Uh, I'm fine with it. I'm not, I'll try to audition for that stuff. I didn't get on. That was the last comic standing was the one that was like one that really hurt me that I didn't get on, like hurt my feelings and you know, it was like sad.


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[Assistant] Cause I thought being clean, I was like, I'll be, I'll be built for this and, uh,


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[Assistant] I mean I went in it the last time I went into it. The other times I wasn't expecting the last time. Something a lot of people don't know.


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[Assistant] The bigger you get into comedy, you would get audition times for those. So like, they'd show the people waiting in line. I waited in line. I mean, we spent the night once at Caroline's.


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[Assistant] We all stood in line, we got there 9pm, 10pm. I remember Hannibal Burris was there, he came, uh, we were all there and we just moved to New York.


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[Assistant] And it was pretty cold out and we had a van, my buddy Dustin Chaffee was there, like all these comics were there.


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[Assistant] And then we went in and auditioned the next day. I did not get it. But it's like those were when you waited, but then the longer you got, the more you got into comedy. And again, this is, and some comics don't like it that you can get audition spots, but that's what it is, man. That's why you stick around.


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[Assistant] And that's why you wait around and do comedy. Because then you eventually do. American Idol is the same way. They get those people.


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[Assistant] One, a lot of the big ones you see, uh, they're really good ones. They're good in audition times. Because if they're that, some of them, if they're that good, they're not going to have to, they're not going to, you're not going to see them and be like, oh yeah, I was just waiting in line for 12 hours.


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[Assistant] Uh, so the later you get, but so then the last time I auditioned for it, uh, Geraldo was the whole, the host and, uh, I went in and thought I was gonna just nail it and, uh, did not.


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[Assistant] So, and here we are. But I'm not against them. I think they're, you know, I don't really watch them. I think I have a, it's hard for me to watch them.


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[Assistant] But, I think they're great and they have made a lot of comics. The first last comic standing was wonderful.


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[Assistant] The first few seasons of it were amazing. And I think that those guys actually, you know, Rich Valls.


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[Assistant] Uhm, you know a lot of them, I mean Amy Schumer was on it. Ralphie? Ralphie.


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[Assistant] Uh, so, you know, an AGT, Tom Cotter, uh, made it for an AGT, Gary Beter made it. Uh, so I, yeah, I'm, I like, I like the competition shows and I think people do like them. I, you, you hit a point as a comedian though, you won't, you, you wouldn't go on it. Uh,


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[Assistant] And so that's the only thing is like some of the guys, the more they get, you get your own fan base. You're like, I'm not going to do it. Uh, for no, you know, reason, just because you're like, it's just doesn't fit in what you're trying to do. Uh, but yeah, Mark Warren, Aaron looks like someone that wants to drive a Wrangler, but settled for a Honda CRV.


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[Assistant] Yeah, this guy almost nailed it. Exactly. Could you be a, like a real Southern dude? Can you do anything? Nah, it's just not authentic. No, it's not authentic.


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[Assistant] That's where we're getting at. No one just goes to Notre Dame, man. Uh, you're, we're slowly gonna pick it apart. He went to MTSU. I didn't go anywhere. He went to HSU.


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[Assistant] Oh really? Yeaah. It's a huge campus. I just remember. No one wanted me. I went to Austin Peay. I went and you go look at a college visit. I didn't ever even got really pushed to go. I just would like tag along. And they were, you know, I'd be like, Oh, what are y'all eating here? I was asking whether.


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[Assistant] Cafeterias? Where's the cafeteria at? So what do they do? Do you stay on campus? Like I just know nothing. When people talk about college and they're-


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[Assistant] Talking about majoring in minor, I mean I have, where'd you go to grad school? I don't even know what they're talking about. I don't understand when someone says, well I did my undergrad. What is that? What's undergrad? What is undergrad?


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[Assistant] So people do their undergrad at one school and then go graduate. So they could be like, I went to undergrad at Tennessee, but I got my, my masters, so-and-so. Do they get a degree from Tennessee?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's all kind of ridiculous. As a guy that didn't go, I went to remedial classes. We were pretty straight. Community college, it is what it is. It's two years. You leave.


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[Assistant] That's it. No one's saying I did my whatever. We're honest with everybody.


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[Assistant] Batches degree. Yeah. So that means you just, nothing special. You just made it through.


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[Assistant] Josh Sternberg, I love the podcast guy's biscuit story about bombing in front of his mother at a livestock auction was gold. Nate, you have to bring your wife on the show so we can get her perspective and stories about what it's like to live with you. Yeah, we're have her on. She's here.


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[Assistant] Do you think, do parents get mad when you don't because you go into comedy and then, I mean, obviously you get good experience going to Notre Dame, people should go to college and then you do what you do, but I mean, you could not have gone, right?


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[Assistant] When you ran Hardee's social media accounts? I would love, I would have been honored to have run Hardee's.


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[Assistant] Oh, you did do that? Yeah. Uh, Nicole hears, hires H I E R S. I'm very interested to know Laura's maiden name after Nate had something to say about Sarah P's last name during the comments. Uh, can I get, huh?


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[Assistant] For Harp- for Harper, I get asked my mom's maiden name on everything.


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[Assistant] Uh, it does, it's Blair. It's Blair. Uh, so yeaah, she was Laura Blair. Uh, it's her middle name now. Uh, so, Harper, our daughter's middle name is Blair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I said, no, you're Barghetti now and your middle name should be Barghetti still. My middle name's Lee. And that's when we met Lynn Lee. We lived on Lynn Lee. I lived in high school. The street we lived on was Lynn Lee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might as well just go ahead and give my mom's maiden name and social security number. I mean, let's go ahead and just do it all.


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[Assistant] Uh, Connor Vincent, Nate, have your friend from high school who memorized screen with you as a guest on the podcast. I will. I will. John Paul, uh, backyard living, built pools. He, uh, does his dad, he worked for his dad, uh, precision pools in Mount Juliet. And they, uh, he would do that in high school. And then he went and started his own.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I always tell him though, I'm going to go to his dad. I'm a precision pools guy. I always, I always say, I don't, I go, I'm a, I'm original. I go, no, they, but they're, they're fine. It's not, he started his own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing, but they both do it. Both very good at making pools. Got the Wilson County market at the lockdown.


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[Assistant] Willard Garrett, you guys go a little too hard on Berkshire Hathaway. He's actually pretty funny, Berkshire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kenny O'Brien, I like the idea of Nate, unbelievable counter that can pop up on the bottom right of the screen. That's a good idea. That is a good idea. Unbelievable. That's an unbelievable idea. I say unbelievable a lot. Uh, alright, and I'm gonna try to stop it.


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[Assistant] You're going to, you're going to get the, all the stuff that makes whatever I do work. You're going to pick me apart. I won't do anything. I'm going to just be up here. Hello. I am neighbor. I just very not fun at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We say idiot a lot too. Everybody's an idiot. That's her. We don't curse in other ways, but idiot.


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[Assistant] Was the everybody, well, you're, that's just cause you're an idiot. And it's just yelling and people are like, you shouldn't be saying that.


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[Assistant] I'm like, we call it everybody. Like it's not even- It's a family thing. It's a family thing. Uh, Marty Wall, does it seem unfair that if a musician writes a good song, they can sing it for the rest of their life and people don't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even wanna hear new stuff, but if a comedian writes a good bit, he has to never do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know it is. I mean, if you write a good bit, I still, I think I could definitely see I'll be doing some bits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a very long time that people want to hear. But yes, I mean, very much so. I mean, look, I'm going to do these driving shows and a couple of these towns I've just went to. And, uh, so I'll have some new jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With it, I think I'll do a good show. I'm hoping, you know, people have only seen these, this act has evolved since I, I guess I did it last. But I mean, if I was a musician, I could just go to your town every two months.


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[Assistant] If you're Led Zeppelin, which I compare myself, I'm the Led Zeppelin of comedy. Uh, but I mean, if you get, if you, I mean, you have a good run. I mean, you could go play 20 songs and just go every year and people are just going to go, you know, I want to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's what a band has, just get it man. Like if you're Boston, you had your little peak of just being good in your run.


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[Assistant] You made unbelievable stuff, which is super hard to do. It's almost impossible to write these kind of songs where they become these legend songs. And then just, yeah, and be like, it is what it is, man. Now go collect that. They just collect money and do shows and people have a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last one, Louis Lopez. Since Nate and Brockworth saw the horse and old lady at the same time, who gets the bit if they both experience it at the same time? Does it normally go to the headliner or is it a called it system even if the opener wants to develop a joke from the shared experience?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, we both, I mean, I'm the one that saw it and brought it up, so I would have, in that experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, so, in honest, that one I saw in the one that said it, uh,


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[Assistant] And then coming up, you know, I don't know if we've had any, have we had any other jokes like that?


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[Assistant] Now, but what about like, uh, McDonald's? McDonald's is the one, my McDonald's story with Lewis. That, uh, I think I told it last week, but that, that is the one where Lewis takes a burger and he wants to fight that guy. That one had me, Lewis, and Dan Soder. Dan Soder is actually the one that took the bite of the burger. And when I told that story,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, we would always just tell it when we were on shows together. So if I followed Dan, or Louis would be hosting a show, and I would always bring it up there. And then Dan would bring it up. We all were, we all had shots at that story, so everybody could tell it on their own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I ended up making it actually into a bit. And I, but I would say, I said something to him. I was like, Hey, do you care?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I've actually turned this into like a bit and then I heard it. And once they heard it, they're like, yeah, yeah, of course. It's yours now. And then, uh, Dan's out of the joke. I didn't tell him cause it just got too complicated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, you're not as good as I am. Well, no, that's true. And no, that's not, uh, I'm joking. That was a joke. Don't get, don't write in, be like, why are you going to make Brian cry? You know, just, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it is a unique, uh, thing. But when you come up with a joke when other comics are there, you know, I mean, you just ask, you kind of say like, can I do that? Are you going to do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they try, uh, make it, make up on monkeys or something, you know, what do they try makeup on? Or they say these, this was not tested on animals. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Saying, maybe they put it on a chicken or a monkey and it just pictured like, say it's a monkey. They put, they're testing makeup on monkeys to see what they do. And then just seeing, you're trying on the monkey and he's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, he's like, he doesn't, so the testing is actually them, just the monkey's opinion on the makeup. He's like, I don't like it. It's too blue. I was like, what do you think I'm trying to go out? What is it? Two in the morning? It's embarrassing. Like it was something like that. I think it was to do with chickens though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something to do with chickens, but it was a, I love the idea. And then he never could just get it to, I'm going to tell him, maybe he should try to bring it back, but he could never get it to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I liked it and was like, I think I could do something with it.


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[Assistant] And, and then even say, he's like, all right, well, you try then. And, but then I never, you know, sometimes it's hard when someone gives you a joke, it's, you think you'd like the joke idea, but for some reason, if you didn't come up with it, you're just kind of, you're like, I don't know. Uh, I don't know if I can do it. So, uh, all right. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, it was sure nice seeing the teams back out on the gridiron over this weekend as we talked about the Titans. Very big, very big week. We won, missed four filled goals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, made one that mattered. Lucky for us, that was just one week one. There's no better place to get on all the action than with DraftKings, the leader in one day fantasy sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To add to this week's excitement, DraftKings has millions of dollars in total prizes up for grabs. If you haven't tried DraftKings yet, head to the App Store now because you don't want to miss it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You draft your line up and you feel the sweat like you've never before. Every run, pass, a catch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all means something in DraftKing. It's simple. You pick your line up, stay under the salary cap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And see how your team stacks up against the competition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they've been, DraftKings has been around since 2012. 10 million? That they've paid out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're doing really good. DraftKings is doing really good. Billions of dollars, man. That's unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Download the DraftKings app now and use code NATELAND for a limited time. New users can get a free shot at millions of dollars in prizes this week. Don't miss out on the week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like you can do it alone. DraftKings, right? You can just do it by yourself. You don't have to be, you know, I'm in a fantasy league now and it's, uh, I don't care for it. It's too much. It's, you know, they're, they're trying to trade, uh, with everybody and you gotta like do all this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't ask. So it's with David Spade and it's his, but it's his buddies. It's like his high school buddies. I was like, who's in this? Uh, one Theo Von's in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was like, is it like other comments? I go, who is this? He goes, ah, a bunch of buddies from high school. Like what? I'm just in your fantasy team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just doing your draft of your local high school friends. Uh, one guy already tried to make a trade, but I just didn't respond to it. I did another one with my high school friends and they, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, it was too much. The guy was, he was like last year.


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[Assistant] I think was trying to get Le'Veon Bell, I think I had to deal with more Le'Veon Bell requests than the actual Steelers did. He would just non-stop text me, dude. I mean, it was insane.


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[Assistant] Where I was like, you gotta, I can't do this. I, I, I quit playing. It was two years ago actually. And I quit playing because I was like, this is, I'm not, I didn't even really know the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coworkers, former coworkers. Yeah. Channel 5. They did it, I mean, before, how was it, before computers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's commitment. People don't even know now it's all on your phone. You can barely pay attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's y'alls, uh, your bigs, uh, what's the average score?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A score. Like mine, I lost. Mine was 180 to 145. We have two quarterbacks though. You start two quarterbacks. I don't...


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[Assistant] And I don't care for that, and uh, I was on stage, cause we did a night at Zany's when they did the draft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it, uh, it picked, I was the number one pick. He was not, they gave me the number one pick and I had everything really kind of going. But when I went on stage, I, uh, it picked Roethlisberger and Jared, uh, golf, groff or golf and, uh, as my quarterbacks and not good.


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[Assistant] Not saying that they're not good quarterbacks, but not, for fantasy they're not good. And I have two not good quarterbacks, and then I have like 40 receivers. Just sitting, I mean, just non-stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's too many people. I don't, it is like, as far as you're starting, I mean, two quarterbacks, two running backs, receivers, then you have the wide receiver, the one that you get the flex. It's, you know, it's like, ah, ah, this is a lot of stuff, but I'm in it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright. This, uh, so this week, we don't have a stand-up clip to play, but we saw a story, uh, and got us thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a New York Times article from September 8th about how the pandemic has changed grocery shopping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grocers saw eight years of projected sales growth packed into one month. That's unbelievable. Eight years in one month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shopping trends that were in their infancy were turbocharged. Uh, and the article goes on and blah, blah, blah. No, that's unbelievable. So this week we're going to do, uh, we're going to talk about grocery stores and we're going to let Brian, y'all, I can't read. So, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm always going to read comments, so don't be suggesting that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So give me something. Let me just, I'm gonna eventually just come in and do the comments and leave. With Holly. Me and Holly. Holly, let's go. Uh, but, uh, yeah. So Brian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, and goodnight folks!


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[Assistant] We had a Piggly Wiggly in Old Hickory that we used to always ride our bike to. Oh yea.


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[Assistant] You're dressed like you're going somewhere nice and then you had a flat tire. So you had to put that on to change it. That's how you get dirty. So how do you go? I think I got a hoodie in the back. Like that's how you're, you can tell there's a little collar of something. Where are you guys going? We've got a big night out tonight. Had a flat tire. So I put this on. I think you're going to a luau.


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[Assistant] You know where I went this weekend? Uh, Meijer. I went to a Meijer.


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[Assistant] I've never been to a Meyer. That is a store that's like, what do you want? We got it. I mean, a grocery store to, it's a target.


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[Assistant] And a full, which I guess Target's doing that now too. Yeah. But I mean, I've never closed.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't think I've ever really been in one. What'd you get there? Uh, nothing. I would go in there and...


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[Assistant] Uh, cheap car at Avis or something or whatever. Uh, so, and then they, it's just a fun car.


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[Assistant] I never had, uh, since there was like a six hour drive, I was like, Oh, you know what? I'll go. I'll rent a fun car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, so I rented a Tesla and drove it. So I had to charge it like three times.


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[Assistant] And you, I mean, you have to just go, it tells you to charge it like every, I charge it like Bowling Green, Louisville, Cincinnati. And that was then at the hotel in Columbus. Then coming back was basically the same kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they'd have like superchargers and there'd always be a target or a Myers. And you just go do that and go walk in there and just you'd have like 10, 15 minutes. It was, I mean, I enjoyed it. I just walked around these Myers. I've never, you know, I suddenly get anything. I just walked around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so, yeaah. I mean, uh, there were buyers in, one was in Bowling Green. I don't think they're here. Yeaah. But, Bowling Green, there was one, and uh, so, yeaah, that was it. That was it. I bought an LOL. A what? An LOL to kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I mean like, over the counter, that seems crazy to me. Go here, go read, sorry, I was jumping ahead to the next thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I love that. Like that, that you're just, there's no credit card, but they just are like, yeah, you're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I mean, that's exactly what these things were. I'm trying to think there's any, I've definitely bought stuff where.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I bought stuff where it was, uh, I didn't do it. I just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see that a lot. Yeah, I see that. Uh, yeah, they do, you know, Chick-fil-A does that where you, you buy the thing in front of it. And so my sister was telling us about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To pay it forward? To pay it forward. So a lot of times at Chick-fil-A, you're just get there and I've had it happen to me, so it happens a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, the person in front of you paid for this. And then you got to pay for, don't you have a joke about this? I do. Yeah. And then, yeah, so they're, so they pay it. Uh, they keep doing that. And my sister, when she first did it was just like, Oh wow. Thank you. And drove off. She was the one that ended it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it just like, she doesn't make any, she doesn't, I mean, especially at that time, she made no money. She had no money. She was, she is kind of who it's for, but it's really better that way.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Cause you accept a gift as it should be. Yeah. Instead of, but if you, I guess you can keep it rolling.


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[Assistant] Alright, that's cool man. Thank you. Alright, see you. I need to drive off. I mean yea, what if...


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[Assistant] Uh, I think I remember one time when I had it, the person even said, they were like,


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[Assistant] Cause the person ordering doesn't know. If you knew, I mean, then you couldn't even get what you wanted. Yeah. Cause you would feel terrible. You, you know, you'd be like, Oh, just give me a lemonade. Yeah. If everybody's going to do it, I'd rather just pay for my own.


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[Assistant] I mean self, you've been playing fantasy as long as self-checkout. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, got it in 92. I guess.


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[Assistant] In 2000s it was like regular? That even seems crazy.


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[Assistant] They force you to. Yeah. Bill Burr had a joke about that where he's like, you know, you got to go and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it should be. Yeah. Oh, thank you. That's funny. That's what it should be. Cause it doesn't, I, uh,


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[Assistant] My neighbor, I mean, cause you do feel bad cause it's like teenagers working in there. And so.


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[Assistant] Whatever man, like who cares, you know, but I, I was like, I just have a problem with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, look, I don't mind tipping or whatever, but uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, giving to a homeless person is better. They at least are sitting on the side of the road, like they're having a deuce and this kid, this kid, you do everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is you, so you walk in, you grab whatever you want to grab, you do the ice cream, you do all the toppings, you get the spoon, the napkin, you put it on the thing that it weighs it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, uh, puts the price, they turn the iPad around and then you swipe and pay and then they turn it and that's it.


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[Assistant] You know, you know what I mean? Like where you're, I'm fine with, look, I'm, and I, it's, it's high school kids, whatever, I'm fine with it. I'm not saying they're, but it doesn't, like, there's a point that you're like, alright man, you can't just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, you can't take full advantage of me that I have to, I'm paying, I'm doing it, I'm working!


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[Assistant] I mean, unless the place doesn't pay the kids or something, that's, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30%, like it's nothing. Where I get my hair cut, he does 30%. But I tell him, I go, I was like, that's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think I'd give him 30%, to be honest. I just do it. Uh, but it's, I, I, I have to do it because I made a point about how ridiculous it was. So then I realized because I stood, took a stand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will just pay to the third, I'll always do the 30%, but I do it so I can always tell you that it's ridiculous that you're offering 30%. I mean dude, 30% tipping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In, uh, I mean, places, can you imagine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, at what point are they, where should we be at? 50%. What point is it just like, just double that, you know, just do double and then, you know, tipping's out of control. We should talk, we should do an episode about tipping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you ever been in a self-checkout too, and they're- they don't- it's not open? How's it not open? It's a robot!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turn it on. Turn it on. Like yeaah, when they're like, ah, these two are not, these two are, are they tired?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they on break? Are they smoking? Are these robots smoking now that they need to go? Is it their one had to leave early?


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[Assistant] Her wife's, her, his wife's pregnant, so he had to get out of here. I mean, I don't under, how are they not always on? I should, they should never be closed. Never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Can you get gas? You can get gas whenever you want, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty sure you can, even if the place is closed.


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[Assistant] How are these self checkouts? I'd like to know that. Why are they, why are they, doesn't that not make sense? Maybe they just break or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh yeah, that's good. So at Myers, I saw, I didn't really, I saw a sign for it, but it seemed like you could do an app and scan and go, like, so I think you can kind of be buying as your,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leaving and then you just end up and I, and I thought, I actually thought of that as I walked by. So I knew we were going to talk about this this week. Uh, was that I thought, oh, I was like, I bet that's what's going to happen. Like that's going to end up being, you're just scanning all of it on your phone. And then, I mean, you know, there's not going to be people in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I remember when they first were doing it of trying to get that thing to weigh your food. I mean, just the problems. It's gotten a lot better. But at the beginning, I just remember it was a huge problem. Like you would just be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said it and never picked it up. It never, it's like, can't do it again. You have to get someone to come over. And you're like, oh no. And uh, whoever's sitting there to help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if I go buy stuff, I mean I go buy other stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'll buy my things. But sure, she goes and...


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[Assistant] When I was gone so much, I was never here, so there was really no consistency of going. But when I go, I always do self checkout. I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't know, I think so. I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you were in your formative years when I like, so like 92, I was.


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[Assistant] You know, I mean, 50, 14 or yeah, I was born in 79, I was 13. So I was not paying attention where you would have been out. So I was there, I was around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, just, oh. If I could, I would pay money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be able to watch you go through all these things for the first time. I mean, it would be my favorite thing a lot. It's still my favorite thing to watch him get on a Escalator. He gets on it with just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I mean, just like he doesn't trust it. Those have been around a while, right? I know, but he steps on it as if, as if like he's had something happen and he's like, all right, I'm back. And then like him and that's going to have a relationship and they, and he's been tricked by it before. And it's the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he gets on it, I mean, it's normal walk into like, just, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he steps on very, it's very, gently then he's on. It's like the first step is nice and calm and then the second step's immediate. And then we ride it and we get off, you know, then it's normal. And then we get to the end. It's like, here we go again. It's got to focus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm flying. I try to see if I can get on and off without any kind of big move, you know, without, so it's obvious. Yeah. You know how like, you know, when you get off yards, you see there's a, yeah, like a stumble. So I try to, I like to try to get on it and see if I can, it's almost like athletically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make yourself stay in one motion. And also we'll walk next to people, sometimes regular, to see how much faster they really is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's definitely faster. But I mean, some of those people, when you see them, man, people get on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a ride. I mean, they just block the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you can't get by them. And, and you feel stupid not walking on the walkway. Escalator, you don't feel dumb just standing there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on a w- one that's a moving walkway, you feel like a moron. Yeah. If you're just standing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he didn't use them, but he would, he would get going and to get, he would just jump off and just like run real quick with his feet to like, uh, like slow it down. I mean, it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I probably still have the video. We were re-posted on Nate Lampock. Cause I might, it's probably, I posted it on Instagram, I think. I don't know if I did it, but it was wonderful. Just watching him. Never really got it. I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in Deese, no. No, he didn't, you know, hello folks! He didn't figure it out. He, I mean, that's what he had to do is he, as he goes into a crowd, folks! Hello folks! Coming in!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I would just see you, I would lose you and then just see you just, I mean, it was, you know, a lot of fast and slow. There was never just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm saying him on the scooter. Oh, okay. But yes, DC's crowded. DC's crowded, but him on the scooter, it was either...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full on or it's, it's not working. There was not a, you know, like a comfortable riding speed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the effort he was putting into something that, I mean, I can imagine getting off an escalator and sweating. That's what it was. You're riding a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I mean, we were, I mean, we were just like, yeah, let's just try it. Cause I, the only reason I agreed to, I was like, let's try this cause no one's around. We were at an area where no one was really around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not, I do feel embarrassed by it, so I don't, I don't want to completely write it, but it's happening so much there that you don't feel out of the, you know, you don't feel that weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gotta jump and run with it. Yeah. That's the best part is just to see, he's gotta jump off and then like, I mean, if, like if you were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, catching a wild cow, like if a, if a steer got loose and you try to run and grab its horns and move. And then like, it was like that, like him jumping off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On when you go to the store. Yeah. That's what people are doing right now. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, maybe you're supposed to buy fresh fruit. You know, they always say to grocery, you're not supposed to go to the middle, stay on the outside. If you're ever eating healthy, if you're supposed to eat healthy, stay on the outside, don't go in the middle. What does that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Outside of the store. Not that you meant like outside of the tomatoes or something. No, no. The way it's laid out, if you want to do proper shopping, healthy, just do the outside. Don't go to the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they, I mean, the publics we go to here, you could, you could make a full lap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but they're saying- It's like a casino. Yeah, but they're saying, but just walk around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you, if you're trying to get out of, I'm sorry, it's not at the front inch. Ride a scooter. I mean, no one complains. They put, uh, they do, they have donuts in the back corner and I don't ever go, why do they put their donuts in the bag? Walk right back there and grab them. I'm excited about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they're going to get you. I get it. You can't get, I can't get through all that stuff either. Get through. I buy, I'll eat donuts, you know, whatever donuts they have there. They're right by the milk. I don't even care for, I forget milk. Where do you go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's your place? What about you? Uh, Kroger. Yeah, I'm Kroger. Wages don't have a, I do, there's a Kroger here too, we, we do, but we did Kroger. Uh, Piggly Wiggly when I was a kid, then Kroger, Mega Market. We used to be, I think they're closed. Uh, it's a Kroger now. You ever done, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I have done it. Yeaah, that's fun. Yeaah, that's fun. Uh, what's the other one, Aldi? Yeaah, Aldi. I used to always think it was Zaldi, with a Z, cause their logo I thought was a Z.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In front of the A, so I would always be like, oh, there's Zaldi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it's called Aldi, with an A. And I still think that. I also think when you go to the, uh, airport, you know, this is international.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is with the international Nashville airport. I always read it as until, so I always think when I drive there, until I get there, there's a, until right here, turn right here until now, or what, I don't even know why, but I, it's always reads it in my head. There's Aldi. I don't know why. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This? Yeaah. Yeaah. You thought that was a Z? I mean I'm glancing dude, I'm not, I don't study it.


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[Assistant] Totally like a nitty? No, let him look like it. He, that doesn't make sense at all.


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[Assistant] I, but where are you, I, even like, you're like, this is the first time I heard Disney. I don't, like, how do you remember the first time Disney wasn't in your life, just around, that you just know it's Disney? It was around.


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[Assistant] Like something that's like, we're going to introduce you. It's an amusement park. It's a kind of a big thing. Uh, and like your parents go, I want you to see this first time. We've never talked about it.


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[Assistant] That's how, that's how Disney was introduced to you. It's not just everyday life.


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[Assistant] They're both dumb. Well, no. Zaldy makes sense.


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[Assistant] And then Gizdy. Look, all of it, Zaldy's a reasonable thing. Mine's not a mainstream.


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[Assistant] Just like it's just in the middle is all clogged up. I mean, people don't care. People are, do not think about personal space.


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[Assistant] And they don't, I mean, they are, you see people, they are like cattle just bumping into each other and, you know, you ever hit someone else's cart and you're like, oh, sorry. Like it's embarrassing, you know. Do you have a strategy, shopping strategy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, zero strategy. You don't have a list, coupons? I've never been in a situation where I needed a strategy shop. It's never been.


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[Assistant] I feel like it's never, I've never been the main. Aaron? Chopper.


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[Assistant] If there's nothing more disappointing than, uh, if someone.


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[Assistant] To me, if someone, you go to someone's house and they're like, you want some soda? And they, and they have like K, they want it just K. Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, it's in Kentucky. And, uh, it was a, he loves it. And so when we used to, if you could, if we could ever find it, Big Red, we would get it, you could get it to him as a gift. I mean, it wasn't easy to find. It's a little bit easier now. Uh, they had it, I saw it at a restaurant, like on a tap somewhere, like, you know, in the,


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, uh, oh, it's like, sure. It's, I mean, it's, you know, I mean, it's like orange, whatever. Uh, you know, if you get orange drink at the carbonated, you know, what is an orange? What's the orange drink? Like a Fanta? Yeah, like Fanta. It's like Fanta. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, part of the light. Did you do it? Maybe I do know someone that did it. If peanuts are around. You put them in your cup. I'll put them in.


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[Assistant] If you, you drop the peanuts in, like if you're, if you're having, is it as, is it make it special or does it, is it like, if you're having pizza and you get a Coke and you're like dump some peanuts in, do you know what I mean? Is it like its own thing?


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[Assistant] I saw someone that people would pour, uh, I remember once going to the movies with someone and they poured M&Ms in their popcorn.


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[Assistant] And I'd like, they just opened it and they, they're pop, you know, in a bag and they just dumped all the M&Ms in it and they would just eat that. Interesting. And I've never seen that. I'm not a big mixer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hot popcorn. Yeaah, I don't know, I mean, it's not that, you know.


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[Assistant] I'm not a big mixer. I'm not a big mixer either. I like, I like everything kind of how it is. I don't eat, you know.


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[Assistant] No, my strategy when I eat food, I go after what I don't, my least favorite on the plate. I start with that, get it out of the way.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I get, alright, my wife's making me these.


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[Assistant] I'll eat this nonsense, and then get to the...


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[Assistant] Thick of it. There's another nugget. Give it to the real reason we're there. There's a nugget.


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[Assistant] Yeah, my, my wife does all HelloFresh. So they order, you know, they just send you the meal, but you cook it.


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[Assistant] Uh, but yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, people, yeah, they're not going to go in. They're not going to go in these stores, which I might describe this in the future.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so you're, so you're not, uh, you're not checking out.


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[Assistant] I mean, yeaah, I mean, there are people, uh, yeaah, they're not gonna...


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[Assistant] Come in, I mean they're not gonna be going, we're not gonna be talking to anybody anymore.


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[Assistant] You should just go up to the robot and go, yeah, well, where is Jack? I don't believe your name is Jack. Where is Jack? And then see the robot have to back, you know, be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you gotta be getting caught. I feel like people are catching them so much now.


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[Assistant] Let me know. I mean, they're really going after it and there, there's so many cameras.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, to do with their friends, I mean, that's, you know, I don't know. There's, there's a disconnect, I think, with these, with those people. They think it's the store. They think, ah, it's just, who cares? It's, it's, you know, it's all make believe they're rich. It's a big, you know, so they just don't, I don't think they feel an ounce of care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's like, it could be, give us 20 grand and they're like, whatever. That's easier than...


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[Assistant] I mean, I think people could be doing it for that reason. Like they're doing it just to know, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, dude's not saying that he'd imagine these people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're doing something like that, it's not like you have money, like what are you going to win? You know, if they beat you in the court, you're not going to get money from these people. Like the, the grocery store is not. So yeah, you're just having to fight off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, so why not just be like, they want five grand. Okay. Then they get it.


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[Assistant] Uh, you'd have to really commit to it. I mean, you'd have to be willing to go down.


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[Assistant] I think that those people have done it before and they just know there's no difference of truly following her. I mean, I guess they don't think about the cameras. So.


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[Assistant] I mean, can you, Matt, I mean, just, I mean, you know, that, that would, it would take a lot to get over that. Uh, with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just knowing, you're like, I was walking around for five minutes. Like you just grabbed it and then, cause you would have, you should have just set something in and then accident. Oh man. I mean, just picture it there. I mean, that lady will never grab a grocery store the same, a grocery cart the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you always get the one with the squeaky wheel? Oh, do you? I wish I had the squeaky wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Well, I get with the, the, the produce. Uh, yeah, I guess, you know, you bring all that food in, uh, all the fruits and vegetables and they're coming from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Places with snakes. Snake climbs in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one I'd imagine, uh, had to come in, I mean, from outside. And then just, you know, I bet that's a, I bet that's a comfortable spot for a snake. A shopping cart. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they can bend through all the stuff. They feel very secure. They can feel like probably I can relax. I'm not hanging half on a tree limb. You know, like you feel, you feel good going in and out of the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not comfortable, it probably feels in the grocery store, it's kind of cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The floor is cold, animals love cold floors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what this is. Yeah. You know, in, uh, New York bodegas and they have cats and just cats are just, they lay on the food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you would go to, uh, LA, you know, where was, was it New York? New York to, New York was the first, uh, time you ever went to Target and you would, they, you'd put your cart in a, like, uh, like an escalator and you push it in and it takes it to the next floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you just, you would, uh, was it, I think there might be an LA too. I think LA had it, New York had it. And so you'd be, you'd have, you're at a Target or a grocery store and they have another floor cause they have to. And then you, you push your thing and you ride an escalator in the, in the, in the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thought my, like, thought you could ever, why would it ever do that? Yeah. And it was just normal for everybody out there.


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[Assistant] Uh, you'd go to bodegas and you just buy, you know, it's like going to seven 11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a local run bodega and I mean, I think people in New York eat, they eat out a lot and, uh, you know, it's a lot of, you can grab fruit. You mean people are buying pretty fresh stuff, but you would just go in. I mean, I don't ever remember. Uh, do they have groceries?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big chains? Uh, yeaah, I forget what they're called. Stop and shop. And, uh, yeaah, it's a real, it's like a Kroger, you know? And so you could go in there, but you just go to bodegas and buy stuff. They had cats. I mean, I just remember cats being in there. To go in bodegas and just a cat, like every one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what that's for? I think, I think plastic would be, I think not as- I just learned that. So if it doesn't hit, you know, so you can't walk up on someone and like you hit the back of their feet, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that can get out of control. You think so? I think so.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean the shopping cart could, could do some, uh, updating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have the ones with the kids that you, uh, it's like a race car and they sit in it. It's just fun when you have a kid to go be like, I don't even remember. And they get to drive it. I always stood on the front. My mom would get on it. I was always, I loved standing on the front of it and you ride it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they take you to Piggly Wiggly and they go, this is Disney land. You're like, well, I get to ride all the rides and you ride the thing outside. And, uh, where'd you guys go today? Amusement park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Took all the sites in. Zaldi's at Zaldi's went up. Zaldi's didn't have horses. Zaldi's is a place that is, it's for your dinos. You're lucky to find some dinos in there. They even have the ones below the dinos. Dinos is too mainstream in Zaldi's. Zaldi's is about just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd been great. That is, I mean, if I got, yeah, if you got locked in where we didn't get out on this, but if you got locked into a grocery store, I mean, I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know what my favorite food is? My favorite grocery thing burger? Tostino's pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love tostinos. I love making it. That's where you'd start? I mean, I'm just saying, I'm just, I just made me think of it. No, the pepperoni tostinos. Okay. Tostinos. Uh, it's almost my favorite pizza. I love it. Wow. I love it. I love it so much. There's no other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then, uh, yeaah, I would, I would go donuts probably. Go get some donuts. That's where you'd start? Yeah, chocolate donuts. What about you? You're locked in a store at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They would think you did it on purpose. Yeah. Do you think they would notice that a man was locked in there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it was a good time. High five him on the way out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all right, grocery stores. All right, we did it. Uh, that was it, right? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Uh, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you guys, let us know what you think, uh, this is Brian reading it.


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[Assistant] So Brian, Brian ran the show that time. That's right. How did it feel? It felt good. Yeah. It felt good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, as people drove off the road as it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, since the pandemic, the need to avoid infection has taught people how to get by on fever. At least I'm bringing some excitement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to bring some fun to it. Get some words you don't know. People have spoken. Yeah, they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Amazon is testing its first fresh grocery store where customers...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Grocery stores will become more of a pickup and delivery of, you're like, uh, in Seinfeld, the rabbi. See the folks at the, you know, in the lane. Lane always talks to that rabbi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 minute delivery times will be, will become commonplace with groceries even possible delivered by Jerome.


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[Assistant] Nah, I think you did. You killed it, man. Yeah, that was great. Thank you. You know, congratulations. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the first step to me being off the podcast. This is how it goes. Uh, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, we love you. Thanks again. Record, uh, you know, you're all rating, you're all your stuff. Leave your comments. We sent how to do those again, uh, which was Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, YouTube, Instagram, Instagram, and then Nate land at natebarghetti.com. If you're old school and if you want to mail a letter, we'll give you next week, we'll give a box. What is it? PO box. PO box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mail a letter. Uh, but thank you guys. Uh, honestly, we truly, we love you and, uh, we can't thank you enough for listening and we'll see you next week. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that they are after. Yeah. Yes. We, we now know that spirits are very, I'm, I'm becoming more and more a true true believer at this point. Oh yeah. Like my skepticism is pretty much out the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we, and we actually had it all to ourselves, which was horrifying. So much scarier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ghost hunting paranormal equipment. They give you some there if you want to do like a little ghost hunt. And we were getting so much shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a big antenna. And it's not a motion detector, like it's not like you walk. Well there are four lights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was actually, we have a ton, a ton of recordings from it, like audio recordings, video recordings, and we're gonna talk about a couple of them here, but we're gonna do like an in-depth


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at them and we're gonna hear the actual recordings on the Two Girls, One Ghost podcast. So after you listen to this, head on over there and go listen to the in-depth stuff cause you're gonna hear the audio stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Team member for life. Have fun though, but yea, team member. But we, we learned a lot too, like they give you a cool little backstory of certain things, and we got like a little more like insight into stuff, like they make sure to tell you, we've covered this case on the episode, when was it? It was 2018.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh absolutely. I feel like I know way more now than even when we presented the case. Oh definitely. That's why like we'll probably dip back into it at some point because I have more theories now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we covered it, and again, like, I feel like I learned more this time, like, just of things that, like, little nuances of the case that I didn't know before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they make sure to tell you that Lizzie and Emma, her sister, are not in that house. No. No ghost in that house is Lizzie. And you don't feel like, you don't feel like she is. You don't feel like she is. No. No. But they say they hated that house. They didn't like living there when they were there because their dad, you know, Andrew Borden, who is one of the victims.


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[Assistant] He was like, he grew up kind of poor. Yeah, he made his own means. He made his own, and so like he was very frugal as an adult because that's what he knew. That's the only way he knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, so you know exactly what they're hearing. Like, yeah. And their rooms are right next to each other. Like the way the house is set up is very like 1800s. It's like- You have to go into-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I can't say for certain what I think happened there. I just can't.


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[Assistant] A lot of people really think she did it, and they are really convinced she did it, and I totally get why. And then there are a lot of people who are 100% convinced she is innocent, and I totally get why too. I can see 100% both of those places. I can't sit in neither camp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, with the Jack the Ripper case. We were like five episodes into that.


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[Assistant] We didn't get as many, like, of the lights happening. I think it happened maybe like, I can't fully remember. I feel like it might have happened like once or twice. Well, and it was also storming, so it was hard to determine if the lights were maybe because of that or... But this time it was... Non-stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it just kept happening, it was relentless, the activity.


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[Assistant] Well we decided, cause like going back there, you start thinking about it, you start hearing the like actual stuff about the case, you start, you know, they have the autopsy photos there, they have the crime scene photos there, they are gnarly. You can see them on the internet if you want to, but warning, they are graphic. They're really rough. Very upsetting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you start hearing about that stuff and then you think about how people are either in one of those camps, innocent or guilty, there's rarely any in between or gray area. Except for all of us. People think that she did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All wrong. And we thought, wow, like nursery rhymes do have weird origins. Some of them are scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like commentary. Yeah, why not look back on a few nursery rhymes and see where they came from, starting with the Lizzie Borden rhyme. Yes. So Ash is going to do a little introduction to that. Yeah, I have a little intro that Dave helped me with. A little fancy intro. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but honestly, I think I s- I think I'm gonna end up becoming like a Lizzie-ologist at some point. We're gonna have- we're gonna revisit it. I think you might already be. Yeah, I think so. We're all invested. So I think maybe if you guys are down at some point, we might do an in-depth look back at it. Are you gonna write your own dissertation? Another dissertation is coming your way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we, obviously we did the episode, we did one at the Lizzie Borden house, you know, years ago, obviously, but I, we didn't go as in depth as I think I can now. So, uh oh everybody, strap in, it's happening. But right now I'll just give you a quick little overview. I'm going to give you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very interesting. It's an interesting one for sure. So as you guys know, Andrew and Abby Borden were killed in their home in Fall River, Massachusetts on August 4th, 1892.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, again, this is a huge Massachusetts crime. The fact that it happened like right, right in Massachusetts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's kind of obsessed with it, like we can't stop. It's never gonna go away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So true. We just are like, we're really focused on these things. But like Ash said, a lot of people believe that Andrew and Abby Borden's daughter, Lizzie, is the culprit. But she was acquitted. Have to keep saying it. She was acquitted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so we're going back to the Lizzie Borden took an axe rhyme. Like we said, it's Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother 40 whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father 41.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This seems to have actually been created very soon after the trials and murder because in the herald, the news herald on February 15th, 1894,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's only two years after the crimes were committed, and actually barely two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there is an article that says quote, a Boston lady who brings her children up very carefully and never allows them to see a newspaper found them on going into her nursery the other day singing Lizzie Borden took an axe gave her mother 20 whacks after seeing what she had done gave her father 21.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it started closer to the actual amount of Axe Wax, that did happen, and we have since almost doubled the number. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first thing that's, that I can think of that's wrong about this is Andrew Borden was killed while taking a nap on the couch in the front sitting room and he was struck with what they believe is a hatchet 11 times. But Alina doesn't know guys. We're not sure if it's a hatchet. They think it was a hatchet. They think it matched a hatchet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They found the like, head of a hat, like a, I think a handle-less hatchet on the property, but they could never determine it was actually the one. But there are thoughts that it could have been something else. Maybe an iron flat. One of those little things that was found on the stove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but Abby Borden was killed in the guest bedroom right up at the top of the stairs, and she was struck 18 times with a hatchet. So she got more than Andrew, and she was killed first, they believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Lizzie said at one point when they asked where Abby could have been, she was like, she was probably sewing. And there's a sewing machine in there. So there was like all these theories, was she sitting down when it happened? I don't think so. Doesn't make sense to me. But it's fully believed that Abby was killed first, while like you said, she was either putting linens away,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And came out when she was in the bedroom and struck her from behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Possibly waited in that closet again until Andrew came home and fell asleep, and then went down and killed Tim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, you know, and that all makes sense, cause like, no one else saw anybody else, so it makes sense that he would hide. Or she.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, then, when we stayed in the house this time, what made this wild to me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The words immediately that came through on our little like, you know, spirit box type thing, uhm, was dirty and then closet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as soon as they said closet in that room, I asked, did someone hide in the closet? And then she said startled. And we were like, did they startle you? And we didn't know any of the closet stuff before. We didn't know it before. Yeah, I didn't know that that was a possibility and when I found that out I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why in that room would that word come out? Cause it didn't happen again or before that in any


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shook me. That's a weird word to just be said in that room. It's so specific. It was like a minute after we got in that room too. It was like we were in that room, we settled for a second and then it was like closet. Right. Well and those words were not repeated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In some of the things that happened there, he was like, I have the chills. Like he was like, I can't exploit that. Cause he gets the uncut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that closet thing I just, we started, and the word strangled came out in that room too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we kinda, so Ash and I were sitting here and we were like trying to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I started, I was like, you know what, like, let me look at the autopsy report and see if anything in there can tell you. It's not detailed, so it's like, you're not getting a lot out of there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but there were contusions to the bridge of Abby's nose and her forehead, which are interesting. Uhm, and initially I figured


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My initial thought with that was like, okay, that was probably her falling forward after she got hit. Yeah. And she didn't stop herself using her hands because she had been hit in the head and incapacitated and just flat on the ground, you know, but, or maybe she fell forward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then was hit and it was like the force of the wax, like her face into the ground, that kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at the 18 wounds to her head, the first one was called the glancing scalp wound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was, seems to me like that would be one that was like quick and not aimed properly and just gotta get this in. Wasn't even as hard as it could have possibly been because it's a glancing scalp wound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like two inches long, uhm, one and a half inches wide, and it was struck about three inches above her left ear hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was interesting to me because it was said to be done in a downwards motion that did not penetrate the skull. So it just didn't go through the skull, just a glancing scalp wound about three inches up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do this quick and you need to incapacitate someone quick. So again, not hard enough to penetrate the skull but a decent wound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the temple area, which if you're hitting the temple, you're gonna be dazed and startled. That's a place you don't want to be hit. It's gonna like fuck with you hard. And doesn't that bleed a ton too? It bleeds a ton because there's a lot of like stuff going on in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But interestingly though, it was her left side, which to me would seem to indicate a left-handed person.


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[Assistant] Because if you're walking up behind her, you're not gonna reach across your body to whack her in the left side.


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[Assistant] You don't have near, and then it's like, but if it was a glancing scalp wound, was it a right-handed person? And they didn't have a lot of control, so they hid it.


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[Assistant] Because people point to the fact that Lizzie was right handed, but maybe in school she was. Nothing says that she was not ambidextrous and was just taught to be right handed. We don't know. Either way. Right. So it could have been either way. But then we were thinking, okay,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would happen if you were coming from behind. Uhm, but, and I do believe she was snuck on, snuck up on. I think so. Because the way she fell, it just doesn't make sense that she was turned to face on. No. Uhm, but the second hit was directly to the top of her skull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which if done by Lizzie, would only be done likely if Abby fell to her knees first. Which she did, right? That, that, well we don't know if she fell to her knees, she, she landed that way. She ended up falling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know if she just fell like crumpled into that position because also they moved her to take pictures so like.


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[Assistant] I don't think she would be able to get a good whack to the full top of her skull.


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[Assistant] And it wasn't done with her lying on the ground, because you're not, if she's lying on the ground, then her head is a little down. You're not going to get a good whack on the top of the head. So she had to have been at least on her knees. And again, she would have needed to be facing away.


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[Assistant] I was just, that's an interesting thing, so they don't. It seems like it all happens. In that one spot. In that corner, but also...


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[Assistant] The blood spatter is strange. It's like it doesn't seem like it was enough almost.


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[Assistant] Like we're gonna get to a point where it does penetrate through the skull in the autopsy report, but the pieces do.


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[Assistant] And when it penetrates through a skull, you're going to be pulling back out and it's going to make a lot come out. So it's going to spray a lot and it did stay in that little corner. So I think the majority of it happened in that corner, but it's just that thing of like,


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[Assistant] She definitely hadn't fallen down yet, when that second...


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[Assistant] Which kind of like works a little bit both ways because it's like...


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[Assistant] At first you're like, okay, well, because they're the same height-ish a little bit, it's less likely to be Lizzie because they were able to do that.


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[Assistant] But then if she fell on her knees it makes sense and she was found with her knees up a little bit.


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[Assistant] Kinda was whacked down more, cause to get 18 whacks and a lot of them on the top of the head.


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[Assistant] It was before you fell, and I don't think you were standing that whole time. I think you fell on your knees. To me, it's like definitive she was facing the other way and startled because, you know, like we said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like a left-handed person. She was found facing the wall.


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[Assistant] There's a surprise little thing in that, in that autopsy report, because before the head wounds, so before that head wound on the left side of her, of her skull, before even the one above that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was struck in the back first, which kind of confirms the turned around.


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[Assistant] Because it was somewhere above her spine in between the junction where like her neck and her body kinda meet.


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[Assistant] Either this person like ran out of the closet up on her or they might have like snuck on her. Like if she was bent down or.


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[Assistant] Getting something out of a drawer, facing the bureau and they just kinda like creeped up behind her and then whacked.


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[Assistant] Going in the direction of if it was Lizzie, she wouldn't have cared if Lizzie walked in the room. So if Lizzie walked up on her, she just went about her business if she was being like, oh Abby, blah, blah, blah. And then wha-bap. I think she called her Mother Borden.


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[Assistant] That's a lot. There's that. And again, like I said, I don't know, I'm no, I'm no longer convinced I have any idea what happened. So these are all just for both sides.


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[Assistant] And they need, and if they had the idea, I need to eliminate these two people, then I need to make sure this is done. I can't leave any kind of possibility that this wasn't done before I move on to the next one. You can take a little more time with Andrew. And especially if Andrew was out of the house in town.


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[Assistant] While this was happening, they could have. Which they, they had a little more time. Yeaah. And then they waited for him to come in and fall asleep.


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[Assistant] I was trying to think of any way that this would work and the only thing I can think of is could she have been placed in a headlock at any point during this and then the person kind of struck down at her.


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[Assistant] That's kinda what I thought. But that's also taking away a lot of leverage.


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[Assistant] They think it's a likely hatchet, but it's interesting that that's not even set in stone, but they really go with that.


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[Assistant] But back to the rhyme, just to conclude that, whatever you think happened, if Lizzie did it or not, the rhyme has remained and is very wrong.


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[Assistant] It's wrong about the number of times they were both hit. It's presuming an axe was used, which an axe wasn't even the thing that they thought was.


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[Assistant] But it's also, that rhyme is also assuming.


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[Assistant] Um, and like you said, when she went to live on the hill in Maplecroft, kids would sing it on her lawn and sing it on her front porch. Um, and again, if she didn't do it, that's like the most horrific nightmare I could ever imagine.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, so in, uhm, in a newspaper article called Bothering Lizzie, Grown Boys and Girls Unwelcome Callers at Miss Borden's. It was in the Fall River Daily Globe on May 9th, 1902.


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[Assistant] Well and what this is, is their parents telling them, that's Lizzie Borden's house, she killed her parents. It looks like they're the ones telling them, those kids aren't coming up with it on their own. No.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think you're right. And you know what? We'll go further into that when we revisit this case, because we are absolutely revisiting this case.


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[Assistant] But yea, so that is the Lizzie Borden Took an Axe nursery rhyme. Yes. And should I start with my first other nursery rhyme? This is my second noisery rhyme.


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[Assistant] This is an actual nursery rhyme, so everybody knows Three Blind Mice. Yes. The strangest nursery rhyme ever. It really is. It's pretty out front with the brutality and the weirdness, cause you'll just top it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, don't be doing that. So this is actually, this is definitely one of those Mary Tudor kinda nursery rhymes. It was produced during her reign. A lot of nursery rhymes, noisery rhymes came out during her reign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yup. And a lot of them are just like sensational and wild. A lot of them are supposedly talking about her unrestrained use of violence to reinstate that Catholic Church in England.


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[Assistant] Uhm, among those, three blind mice definitely stands out as one of the more explicit, like I was saying, it's just like right out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the rhyme first appeared in, I don't know if I'm going to say this right, Duduromelia? Duduromelia? I'm going to go with that. You went for it. I did it. Or the second part of Music's Melody, which is a book of poems and songs that was originally published in 1609. And this is what it originally said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three blind mice, three blind mice, Dame Lulian, Dame Lulian, the miller and his merry old wife, she scraped her tripe, licked thou the knife. Don't know what the fuck that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was written in Old English. And the rhyme doesn't specifically reference violence in this, this version of it. And given the language, it's like a little difficult to interpret actually at all.


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[Assistant] Did you ever see such a sight in your life as three blind mice?


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[Assistant] And in this version, Mary Tudor is supposed to be the farmer's wife or the person in a position of power. And the three blind mice are a lot of times interpreted as the three Protestant bishops that Tudor had blinded and burned at the stake for defying her attempts to reinstate Catholic power in England. Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's pretty gnarly. Now, interestingly, this rhyme first appeared as a folk song, and according to Iona and Peter Opie, they didn't appear in children's literature until about 1842. And in that case,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Willfully defying the crown of the church. So don't do that. Yeah, don't keep it that weird. Don't keep it that weird, I suppose. Because you can be blinded and burned at the stake, I suppose. Fun! I mean, you could do anything back in the day.


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[Assistant] Breathing, having lungs in your body. Being any kind of human. So yea, that's Three Blind Mice, really cute rhyme. Always thought it was weird, never sang it to my kids.


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[Assistant] I have to know everything about it, I have to like, like I, John showed me Ghost, the band, I knew the entire


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, truly, like, who made that first move? Good question.


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[Assistant] Roster, I guess you could say of like, I don't know, probably like six or seven podcasts that I listen to.


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[Assistant] And that's really scary because you have to realize that a lot of these people going out to these places don't know that. No, of course. How many places do you walk into and you're like, I know the building operator here and I know that this place is up to an A. Exactly, that's the thing.