[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you think it's a coincidence that the Consumer Electronics Show and the Porno Show are happening the same time? Like, they're going upstairs, they're checking all these gizmos and gadgets, and they're seeing what they can do for next year!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, it's not the forefront. It sounds like the scientists are at the- Dude, you wanna know how we got on the moon? They're right behind the forefront. The business, the business, that's fine, the business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've been here for billions of years. We've been here for a few hundred, a few hundred million, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Genesis, yes, great band. The other morning, the song... Oh yea, he's a mean dude. Tell Me All Your Thoughts On God came on. Tell me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder. No, I know. It's just coming up. Kyle, I don't know if you ever read it, but I wrote like put trend, put trend to screenplays, but like I want, I have the hindsight to go. Yeah, that was pretentious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't know that was three hours. I was just like, this is what it has to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys. Listen to his voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's not what he's saying. That's not what tryhard is. Tryhard doesn't mean like effort. Tryhard means like you're trying to really tap in. Like you're really trying to say a truth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's just a master. So now imagine if that guy was trying to tell you about, now imagine if that guy was trying to tell you about the art of basketball. You'd be like, you're not the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all I'm saying is, I just don't know if these are the guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was like, I was like, do these words really land? But I think like when that, when that, when that came out though, when I was, when did that song come out? Like what? 97?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that it landed with me when I was like fucking in middle school. I think it landed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, lightning crashes, lightning crashes. Lightning, but I would argue those guys pulled it off more than Dishwala. Nirvana. Well Dishwala's name was a little bit like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, look. Who cares? I just wanna say, I listened to the whole song all the way through, and if, if anything, it's, we're talking about it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I'm not saying dishwall is bad, I'm just saying are they really saying anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't hit, doesn't land for me. Good music, I know the songs, I can't turn them off, but like, I don't take it seriously. I can't turn them off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, and by the way, people are going off, teeing off on me about turnstile. I didn't say turnstile was bad. They're good. They're just not the fucking giant level that bands were able to be back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, stone-tubble pilots, like, and were culturally relevant. There's still rock bands, like, uhm, that sell out stadiums.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To tell the guy who said, tell me all your thoughts on God, all our thoughts on God, would be sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn right man, I need my boys up. Adam, do you need an alarm clock?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, say them all. Go for it. Let's do it, Air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no. No, keep them under wraps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we forgot him. Funny how that works. Come on now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does somebody have the 187 area code?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think horniness levels have dipped? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think we are from peak horniness and now they've dipped down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, uh, for a long time, I didn't drink, smoke or have sex either. I'm like right there with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, that's like when you give out somebody's like information publicly and then like say you could give out their address or their name or their telephone number.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to popcorn Kyle, you're, yeaah, you're hogging dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it was when you were reading aloud in class. You didn't have to read aloud in class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it one specific class or was it our entire like school district that made every teacher say popcorn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to do popcorn in your class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have to take every single call super seriously? They can't be like... Of course. They can't say, are you joshing us? Of course they have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gotta be hard to get the fucking swats into you. You, you have to be super convincing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, what's the come down? Does the switch stay on to see the diffusing of the situation? Like does the swap go, oh boy, not again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, what, you could only get swatted once in your life, right? If the swat keeps showing up to the same house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and then you're immune from swats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, how, how much does a, does the swat showing up cost? Oh my.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they're in the back of the truck watching all the surveillance, they are snacking food. I'm talking chex mix. I'm talking banana chips. I gotta imagine there's also


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, say Stevo, what's the average cost of taping yourself to a billboard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that squatting costs more than a billboard stunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that's like, cause you gotta get like the pigeon, right? Or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, you son of a bitch. I'm not saying anything stupid today. I don't like no fish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You three, come with me! Nah man, we need at least four more dudes. Okay, on to the next village.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what is the other one? The Ridiculous Six. The Hateful Eight. Three Amigos. Three Amigos, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seven Samurai. It's dope. It's, uh, Kurosawa. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's black and white. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I think I've seen that movie. It's hell along.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in and out in 90 minutes. We could cut that down. We could get a super cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what we do in California that's super sick is like the fake, the fake snow in the outdoor malls. Oh yeah, we do. Or they'll just dump a bunch of like fake snow. That shit is cool, dude. Yes. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the snow, I've never gone to one of those events. Is it real? It's highly toxic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucked up, dude. To lose? That's just people saying they don't like you that much. Like to your face. It was close, by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, by the way, I got that. Thank you. I'm not saying dumb things today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that tough sounding though. Chester sounds very like a little British boy to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you guys are sweeping Colin under the rug. That is his brother, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you're half, half foot in Tom, half foot in Chester, you're all feet into Colin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I think he's the per- I think he's the perfect mixture of both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't say I have, that sounds gross as fuck to me, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it tastes like fat. Right, just like super savory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone listening to the pod took the idea. Be careful what you wish for because fucking Keynes like took. No, I don't know. I won't. You better because Keynes came to the block and the block is, is fucked now. Is hot. There's so many cars in the street. Like Burbank is like locked down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes. Traffic at a all time high. They got the drive through spilling into the street. They have armed guards because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They actually pride themselves, yeaah, they pride themselves on their ice because they have the cool, like, palettes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, they're not gonna, they're not gonna let you open up, uh, you know, Bomberman, the video game, before they've given you the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I wanna, eh, if I said anything dumb, I wanna take it back cause this was the episode where I didn't say anything dumb. I don't think I did. If any of the producers heard me say anything dumb, if we could just scratch that, that would be sick. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wise words. Also, you can, you can just mute it and then chew and swallow. It just manners. And then, and then when you are done chewing, then you, uh, unmute it and start talking again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, admittedly, one of my favorite parts about being in Japan is slurping because- That was Indonesia, Adam. Yeah? Get your slurp on. Because my, my, uh, wife absolutely hates


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When people chew with their mouth open or slurp or anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She'll, like, stop watching a movie or some shit. Pizza, pizza. And, uh... She'll stop watching a movie? Yeah, if, like, they're all doing it. Really? Like, she couldn't watch The Sopranos a lot with me because she's like, fuck this, this is disgusting, because they're just... Always smashing Gabagool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, she can't watch it. So but, going to Japan, I went to Japan and when I came back, I'm like, honey, this is how you eat noodles. This is the polite way to eat noodles. With the udon in Japan, you're supposed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is interesting. Uh, 100% don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes, it makes Chloe absolutely disgusted. She's like, ohhhhh. Jealousy. She's like disgusted by it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I do it too when I'm really hungry and I'm like, if I'm watching, like a lot of times I'll eat dinner in front of the TV and I'm just watching something and I'm just shoveling rotisserie chicken in my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pick it up. This bro is sifting. He's sifting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to pick it up to see if it was the string. Where were you shitting? In my toilet


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ain't Mike Rowe, bitch! The time that I shit, I, I pooped, I pooped my pants and put it in the potted plant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what was that? Well, the string was hanging. I grabbed the string. In hindsight, it might have been... And it held on until it didn't? Yeah, it might have been...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You really did this. I'm not sure if it was a string because, yes, because I swear to God. It might have been a shoelace. You really did this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chloe goes on the internet. The internet is all going off on how her poor style and how bad she looks. Uh, and then she, that girl admits she's like, yeah, this is kind of my style. I don't know how to dress myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even when people are remarkably shitty. I don't understand. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom is still like, oh well, he was just having a bad day. They're fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's, that's when you know you've really fucked up. Which, I mean, she's done, she's did that way to me before, but I've never seen her that way to like, uh, just a person in our lives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She gets out and like pulls her shirt up as a pistol. No, my dad is, my dad is like, ew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I-I believe my mom's been like, uh, eh, idiot. Go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I didn't see, I didn't see Penny Devine in, other than like they kind of look a little similar with like a round face. My mom has a nice round face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She didn't have the poofy hair. At what age? Did she have big hair? No, my mom had like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 70. Oh, she had hair, like, yea, she had perm. She had like the flowy, Farrah Fawcett thing. Yea, but like when she was in her... Perms are dope. In the late 70s, early 80s, she had like long, straight hair. And then she got deep into perms. Which, by the way... Yes, we all did. That's a look, dude. I'm still in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you'll smell funky for a little while, but, and you might look insane. You can go right now. Cause your hair's like pretty stringy, right? I'll be back. Yeah, Kyle, I don't think you should do it, bro. I don't know if I would, yeah. All your hair might just fall out immediately, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't risk it if I were you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like my forehead's probably a little bit larger than it was too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you have to get it every like five or ten years or some shit, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think they do. I think you notice LeBron does and then his body just rejects it. Yea, it's like no. He has too many supplements coursing through him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, shave your head, for sure. I guess. Everybody wants to see it. Well, thank God as actors, like Kyle, out of the four of us, you're the- Hottest. The one who can lose his hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it's appropriate that, that it's, luckily it's you, I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like a bald actor, it really limits your possibilities. You can't, you can't play certain roles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I picture Samuel Jackson's head. But they're all old. I'm talking, it has to be a guy who's within our age range. You want a young, bald man? A 30, 40 year old man who's bald. Who? What actors out there? They're not there. There's not. What, like Paul Scheer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There hasn't been a movie where, like, you and your dudes, you go, you fuckin' smoke a joint on the way to the movie theater, uh, and you, you know, buy way too much popcorn, and you sneak in a bunch of Skittles and have a party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, feel free to post, uh, anywhere you please, uh, that you would go to the movie theater to watch a workaholics movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And essentially it's like the meniscus of your hip is what I've been told. And so that's torn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying I don't. Yeah, it's called a torn labrum and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did this shots call, I think it's PPR or PRP, something like that. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Where they take, they took my blood, right? And they put it in this,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the fucking shot, the, the needle was this long. It was five inches fucking long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I guess your white blood cells are what, uh, heals you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's just, it's just blood going back in you. I'm like, and you mix it with Jaeger. He gets sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We eat blood every day, G. Vampire's been, they stay doing it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, one, I don't think you'd get sick. I don't know if it's a great idea that you guys drink my blood, because then you would have my superpowers. I think you would get kind of... Thank you, okay. He doesn't want to share.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The A, I'm running out of my short list of Omaha actors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Chris Klein. No. Kevin Klein. Kevin Klein.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, fuck, fuck off, fuck off mate. Well, they're meat rocks, Arby's rules, and if it's bagged meat, that's fucking great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, uh, one of my- one that I say often that I feel like flies over people's heads is, uh, How to Baby It's a Boy. Yeah, that one's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that right? My god, that was old then. You had to stick your name in the, like, uh, it's... As fast as possible, yea, you had to say it as fast as, yep. Yea, so you didn't have to pay for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it is, it is a Geico commercial, uh, 2001 TV commercial from Geico Insurance, the, uh, new baby announcement, How to Baby It's a Boy. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Bob. He had a baby. It's a boy. Yeah, it is a 90's Geico commercial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the wazzup commercial might be that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can anybody else describe it besides you? Well, the fact that you can't explain it, or you, yeah. Uh, well, is no one gonna bring up, uhm... I know Colin mockery. Volcano nachos and how it changes a man? Cause that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well that was like the first time I remember thinking like I've made it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a Taco Bell Volcano Nachos and I was like wearing army fatigues and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a conversation with them not too long ago, actually. Yeah, they're good people. Let's get it. Let's get it together. Things are hopping around. How'd it go? They're like, yo bruh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, cause it tugs at heartstrings? Is that? Best commercial. And it's better than the Budweiser Frogs. Yeah. Oooh, Bud. Okay. Okay. Wise. Wise. That was a good year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The owner of Jack in the Box is the guy in the, the head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, supposedly, at least he was back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember that. On, on your green minivan. That was sick, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They peaked and now everyone just buy- I mean, admittedly, I've fallen off my raisin game. I don't buy raisins the way I used to eat raisins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's cause, yea, it's cause you put them in your kids lunch and you give them to your children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. But as an adult, you're not just buying raisins. No, it's raisin made. It's a kids food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, let's see these race again. Whip that hair back and forth like a tick tock. Okay, that's mad small though. Yeaah, classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's hard. California raisins, sun-made raisins? Or was California raisins a different thing? Cause when I think of California raisins, I think of sun-made, but is that not real bam? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess, I guess so. I think they were scared of a big soda. Well, and lactose intolerance? You know, cause that was on the tail end of the soda wars, and people were like, Pepsi, Coke, and milk was like, yo, but also drink your milk though. By the way- People stop drinking milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure dude. Yes, I feel like there's cows all over and they are drinking milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But are you giving, Anders, are you giving your children, your boys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, uh, admittedly I kinda wanted to be all up in almond milk, cause I'm like, uh, you know, it's fucking, it's not milk, it's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No, no, no, no. I take, no, I take a little offense to that. Yoohoo's fuckin' rocked back. I mean, I haven't had one in, like, probably 15 years, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they are disgusting. I think it's gonna give you immediate heartburn. It's not good. Now will it give me a worse tummy ache than when I drink my white blood?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, well I would do that, but I would make it chocolate milk that way. I wouldn't go strawberry, but yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the Hershey's syrup in milk, where you just like squeeze the Hershey's syrup, I would-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are the things, what are the things the children, I'm talking to you guys, with, with the young kids, what are the things the young kids are fucking up now? How we fucked up Capri Sun and Sunny D and shit like that. What, are there new drinks? They're a little, a little good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And do we think that their kids are gonna grow up like, like pussies or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the kids that didn't drink when they were like in high school or whatever, then they get to college and they can't handle their shit. Right. You gotta ease them into that sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that were like neon colors that with the plastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also are you, when you're parenting style, are you a little bit like, well I ate all this fucking trash, my kids can also eat that, or you're sort of like one foot in, one foot out, or you weigh out, and you're like, my kids are gonna be healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that was the best, when mom was, when mom was away, dad would, it was just pizzas all fucking day long, you know? It was like, oh dude, fuck yes. Dad will play. You're going out for breakfast, sandwiches, you're getting pizzas later. Their lunches are weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some gushers, and then my mom would put in straight up like little Debbie treats. It'd be like, it'd be like Nutter Butters. I would fuck up some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you would get and just fucking smash that with a, uh, you know, a chocolate milk. Oh hell yeaah. Call that a lunch, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My lunch was bad. Well, dude, it's never been healthy. Like, we used to just eat full on trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want to take five on that? Would you like to take back saying that food is worse now than in the 90s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it really kicked in the head a few weeks ago with not doing the movie, but I feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. I also would like to just go to a place and have it be easy, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no take backs? Take backs, apologies, giveaways, critiques.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, can you get a Twitch? Who knows? Who knows how deep I'm gonna go down this, this rabbit hole? I mean, now that I can't like, ride a bike or exercise in the way that I'm used to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might become, uh, obese and just play a lot of video games and just be a Twitcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there was the lasagna boys. Their dicks were shaped like lasagnas. Were you gonna bring me that drink or do we have to keep talking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it kinda lives up to the hype. We stole it from Snooki. Where are they? We're Snooki. I miss them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, the new season. She's about to just do a back flip just to open the fucking credits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the guess? Cause I'm, I'm floundering. Well, that's all I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had, they had the, the uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there has to be another girl. Like, maybe it's Rhonda. Ronnie and Rhonda or something? Yeah, there's one more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did. They did. Yeah, they did. They brought Italians back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dr. Drew or? It was called Celebrity Rehab House or something. I thought it was Celebrity Rehab, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think that also there's like, we found out that those types of reality shows are actually super damaging to like, the human psyche. Like, the Osborn family went off the fucking side of a cliff after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, off the cliff? She's fine, but the kids went kinda haywire after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people can go live now. They have the camera in their hand. That's, that's as much reality TV as that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Adam was- My god, this is- Adam was about to make a stance, he was about to flex his power, his mission statement, and he froze. That's big plastic that froze him before he could talk about it. Shit, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of sharks are we talking about? What kind of stuff are we seeing under there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that guy puts in some work. I'm confused as to, I don't know, I feel like you could say this about any show. Like, why am I watching it? I mean, it's just a, it's an informative story. Why are you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like what do you want? You want Jared? Jared from Subway Story? You wanna go dark?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but Taxi was a show about people driving people around. That wasn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. Plane! Is this thing on? Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like battle over land. Yeah. World War I? No, I thought that was, isn't that where like, it wasn't like Franz Ferdinand got like murdered, and then like we went to war over that, like Austria, Hungary and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, it was. It was like a Barbie doll. It's possible. No, it was a G.I. Joe, homie. It wasn't a Barbie doll. What the fuck, Blake? Dude, where was Destro? No, you're done. You can leave. You can go. Where was Destro in World War I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember, uh, what was that really popular show where it was like the game show and everybody's dying? The Korean show? Squid Game? Yes. That when it was, um, dubbed was terrible. I had to just read subtitles. I preferred the subtitles. The dub acting was bad. Bad stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pro, Sly is 75. Let's make a movie about the, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy who created Dave and Busters, that would be pretty freakin' sick, R.I.P. by the way. Did he murder some people? Or? Well he just passed away so we could maybe sniff around and find out why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he ate too many fucking chicken wings, man. For sure. I don't know. I just like, I think as the four of us, Dave and Busters, it just makes sense, dude. Well we had, what did we have, Snap, Crackle, Pop? Weren't you guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're two weeks out. Is this the Oscars? When are the Oscars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's real? I thought it was in a fat suit. I think a little bit of it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about my ass just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be Dumper and Merlin and it's gonna be you fucking the wizard. I don't want to hear this. This was a special moment for me and my family. I don't want to listen to any of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where did you have that? Like on your MySpace top 8 it was like work friends or something? Where did I first hear you say that? I'm like, why is it not on, why am I not on Dyrs's top 8? And it was like, well there was work friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, Adam, I woke up early. My kids woke up at about 6 o'clock and I was like, let's watch this parade. Fire it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, it was live. I felt like connected. I was like, look, this is happening right now. I kept explaining to Enzo, like, this is now, this is happening now. This is so cool. Did I watch a, I think I watched a replay cause I hit Adam up and he was like, just did it. So then I was like, okay, then it's in two hours or two and a half hours. I think that they show


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how many times do you perform it? Cause I know obviously you perform it live when you get to that main spot, but you stop along the way a few times and do it or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you hear any tight buttholes? Mhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, family. Let's fire it up. The tradition continues. Let's get it going. It's continuing in this house, and then, like, look it, there's Uncle Adam. Look at Uncle Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I know some for sure are, and I don't know some aren't, but that's lip-syncing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know dude. I don't know. Cause some of it, some of it's flagrant. Some of the lip syncing is off. And you're like, yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause Flula, someone had to do German for him, cause that's a whole character he does. He's from Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, this is how the sausage is made? I don't want to hear this. This was a special moment for me and my family. I don't want to listen to any of this. And Sarah Hyland, she's from the lowlands actually. It's a whole, everything's a lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're out there on the course for three hours, two and a half hours? Well they don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember being 9 or 10 years old and seeing fingerless gloves and being like, that's the look. Probably in like Ninja Turtles. Uh, probably Sam Rockwell. Casey Jones. Casey Jones. Casey Jones, thank you. They had the leather glove with the knuckles in the back and stuff. Just like, you mean biz. And then getting to a certain point in my life where I go, not a great look. If you delivered papers,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand how you can just discount that look. Like, it's good for, it's good for something. You know what I mean? Mountain biking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was our county, it's our county newspaper. Okay. Alright. You guys are from a place called Contra?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Contraband, contradiction. Contraband, contradiction. Contra...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Contra... Well, see, that's the root word, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's interesting. I bet it means opposition. The best part about this podcast is we don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, and what's the s- so you guys are from Contra County? Contra Costa. Contra Costa, so opposite Costa. So Costa must be- Costa might mean coast? Dude, Port Costa's up by fucking, uh, up by Martinez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's inland. Okay. It's inland. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. There's a Port Costa. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Contra Costa Times gloves came for delivering newspapers, which is a great look for paper boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you're like, well I have the glove, we gotta go back to the same place where I have the glove from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we're in a meeting for the Palace Hotel right now. We gotta hype it up. Balenciaga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some varvedos. Dude, I got varvedos. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What they're doing. The service is crazy and like, you know, I know like we're in a position of like, we, we, people know who we are, we have TV shows, but like, we appreciate the hookup no matter what. Thank you for the hookup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Broke, he broke the curse. First one to do it. He was wearing fingerless gloves on the float. Was he? Fallon was wearing fingerless gloves. Yes he was. Dude, I bet he was. I bet he was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Emma, Emma has like 60 cousins. Which is cool. Insane. Her mom comes from a monster family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another show reference. Yeah, I feel like it's a cultural touchstone. Go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead. And, uh, then remarried into a family of eight kids, so there were five and eight altogether. Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just eating, just boxes of cereal, gallons of milk. Rice-a-roni for days. The next generation is just crazy. They're getting hooked up by Kellogg's, my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Between 13 kids, they make a lot of cousins, man. I bet, damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The opposite coast, Contra Costa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, dude. That'd be sick. What did we- No, we didn't do any Thanksgiving festivities together this year, Blake. That was kinda sad. All we did was put- Yeaah, that is sad. That's- None of your peep- Wait, none of your friends who have kids still throw down ever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand that it's hard to sneak out, not sneak out, but just to be like, alright, I'm gonna dip out, honey, you stay here. But like on the next day, or like, if you're there for a long weekend to be like, alright, I'm gonna go do something with my guys. We could have if we were good at organizing, but that's kind of the problem, is like, is actually... Did you guys see each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake's out there. You and Blake play pickleball more than one time. We've played pickleball probably in Burbank, right? Probably 20 times together. Yeah. TK hit me up. He's like, when you come into Burbank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the family, they all had pickle balls, uh, pickle ball stuff up there, and like, everyone's pickle balling, uh, where they lived. Oh, that was in Oregon. Well, that's where it was created, right? In Oregon. Yeah, okay, cool. There I am. So then I went out, and they were, here's a paddle, and I go, what do I do with this? And I fucking served him up. And then you just won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was okay, but uhm, it was fun. I had a good time. Uh, the shorts, the shorts are mountain hardware, Kyle. I love, I love this for dirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good time. Here's what I realized, no matter how hard you hit that ball, it doesn't matter. Well that's the fun of the game because you get to hit it as hard as you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if I'm rocketing, when you fucking just blast a four-uh, forehand, it doesn't matter. People just are like, kuk kuk, and you're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need to kill myself. Did you only play doubles? You played doubles, right? I played doubles and then I played me against two people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, so you did two on one. That's a fun one. That's a- that's a- So you did enjoy it? Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But semi-pro isn't, it's no different from just regular person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have not talked about it till now and I've been thinking about it since he walked off the court. Like it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't even think it's games. I don't think it's games. I think it's time on the courts. Because it's already happening with Blake on the singles level, like I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a completely different strategy, right? Ones is, ones you have to have gas. I have said this straight up, I don't have gas. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, what are you talking about? No one cares, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went pesky. No, remember, I'm a pesky, I'm a pesky gentleman. He went the pesk, pesky bugger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? It was at your bachelor, at your bachelor party when we went out and I just was like, I just wanted to have something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was hungry and I just was like I like fish so I'm gonna go back to fish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was at the place with the Jaeger fountain? Yes, this was at the Jaeger fountain. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I missed, I missed fucking out. It's Easter, but yea. Bro, he was born in Bethlehem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, so Christmas is your favorite, but Thanksgiving is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think in the last couple years, 4th of July is my new favorite holiday. I like the food, I like the weather, I like that you got a cool- The food? Like just hot dogs and chips? Yea, grilling, just like grill, like burgers and hot dogs and chips and like, maybe there's a potato salad, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like, the whole year? I mean, dude, Thanksgiving's pretty tight because you are just grubbin' with your family and it's always tradition. It's sick. It's nice, it's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And they're, and they're like, yeah, there was a March yesterday and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a, is there a, is there a gin seltzer out there? Is that, is that something that is? I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is he a Tangeray guy? Tangeray... Shout out to Joe. What are we talking here? Is that your favorite bro of the Joes? Oh, that's a tough one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Joe Bro so much. I know, I know you do. Cause the hot one just quit it all, right? The hottest, sexiest one just like walked away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you quit being a brother? Why'd you say Nick? Why'd you say Nick? Cause it ain't Kevin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was pretty cold. It was at the end of the day. I added my head issues. Sure. It was at the end of the day. We had already played two and a half hours. I was pretty cold. I also did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cold for me and my shoes were a little loose. Okay? Okay. All right. Okay. What are you, what are your, what's your footwear? What are you playing in? What's your footwear? I play in pickleball. I play in Steph Curry's. Cause I was, I could, I remember noting that you had some super dope shoes. There's actual pickleball shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go all in. This is what I was saying. It's too late. It's too late. It's too late. I'll go all in without playing. It's too late. It's too late. It kind of is too late. Dude, Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx built a fucking whole thing on his property. Sure, sure, sure. No, but we need to go play, Jamie Foxx. Shout out to the best paddle. I want one. I want one back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's pickle juice with pickle juice. They already have pickle juice. Pickle juice is an electrolyte drink. Okay, but this will have alcohol in it. It's not gonna- I know, I know. Guys, I'm just, I'm just saying, it's like, it's 2000 and late a little bit. It's too late. It's 2000 and late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you play professional pickleball, congratulations. You lose!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I was watching it the other night and Emma walked in and she goes, are these people professional? And I was like, yea, she goes, and this is it? This is the thing? And I was like, yeah, well, okay, let's get on the court, though. Yea, I know. I hear ya. I hear ya. I hear ya. I'm not saying it's, I'm not saying it's, it's easy to become a professional. What I'm saying is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, you know this. And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for the way that my cock gets gagged. And I'm thankful that, hang on, let me see. What? And look, I don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A very calm ending to the show. Just this episode for once. Instead of singing it, we just kinda say like, and that was another episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of. Of. This is important. This is important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have like two less teeth than you're supposed to have or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want some nineties. Dude, all you have to do is pick out what color rubber bands you want. It's so fun. What color would you, what color would you get?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For fun. Well, no dental. Yeah, what do you mean? Dental work doesn't take that long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The polisher? The polisher. They put it in the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, where they're like, you want root beer or bubble gum? And you're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done whitening strips in the past, but I haven't done whitening strips in so long. They hurt my teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would walk up to the counter with my mom and like, you had to like check in to get your boarding pass. Right. And they would always, and they would always ask you like if you had like chemicals or guns or if anybody like had asked you to hold a bag or whatever. They would, yes. Yeah, and I remember being like, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're basically just like, like we should take you to another room and like not let you on the plane, but since you're a little fucking kid, like just don't say bomb jokes at airplanes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uh, it was, Chris Catan was her like little sister or brother, you say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're alluding to his Mr. Peepers character, which was a legendary character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, when you piss you're not hard? Bro, you can block it. Are you limp during movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god dude, it's so good. I don't even know what that is. Is that like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he looks more like he could be you at a young age with like blonde short curls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually really fucking cool. He's like a teacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, commanding respect from like, the bad students. It's a special ed class, but it's just like, kids who are like, just like, like not good kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're trying to make some moves, dude, and I was, yea. I love that, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure someone does, but I think if you come with- It's too hot of a title.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I thought his better movie was, he did Baron Munchauser, right? I used to watch that shit all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, where's this, where's this a huge shout out to our boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're saying that he doesn't like the stuff of his that's being remade?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said specific. Haha. Oh, okay, I see. So then, they didn't stay. The time bandits are little people in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not the bandits. They're not time bandits. We're kind of getting into that era, since everything is a remake now, where like the original creators do not fuck with the shit being remade, and we're starting to just be like, well, who cares whether they care at all?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It happens with uh, Alan Moore all the time, like he created Swamp Thing and Watchmen, and he's just always like, if they, once the shit comes out, he's just like, I'll never fucking watch it, I already hate it, I don't even have to know. Like he's like, the meanest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called Swamp Thing, I believe, but it's- It's not Swamp Thing something or other, but yea. Uh, I don't know, but it like, it flipped Swamp Thing, like it's completely like, it's an incredible way to think of it. It's fucking amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Gilliam. Gilliam. Yeah. Yeah, I ain't saying that. Uh, good. Yeah, Damien Scheisel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what does this story just suck? It's gotta be... There's just a scene with Shaq. Like, what if Shaq's in this scene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think that's when he was like church, Winston Churchill or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm terrible. I don't even know how many people I graduated with. Like if you try to throw that number out. What do we got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it might be, it might be my birthday as we're recording this, to be honest. Your birthday is today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, hey, Adam's flying around in an invisible jet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. Keeps us humble. Well, everybody run up the numbers on at midnight on Paramount Plus and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm totally fine on Hulu. Support your TII boys. That's right. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I hope you guys make Greatest American Hero. That'd be cool to see. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gentlemen, gentlemen. Hold up. They don't love you like I love you. Get him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our dicks used to actually drag on the ground as we, as we crawled through the forest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went in yesterday to the stages. I saw Pat. Blake was there. You jinxed it. You jinxed it. I did. I saw Grant. I saw, it was, it was feeling very magical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kidding man, cause I also like, I was trying to do a dry January, so now I'm feeling like I wanna just go to the local saloon, and just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I got- I actually have something I wanna try and I was hoping we could try it together. I was thinking maybe at the office. Oh, okay. Is this a buzz box? No, dude. I got these weird like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Supplements, and maybe our listeners know about it. Have you guys ever heard about like, kava root?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, you actually, uhm, drink it, but I just got it. I haven't tried it yet. From where? Where did you get it? Oh, this is a Kava root beer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes you feel drunk or what? What I heard is it's like nature's Xanax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it kinda, whatever that means, I've never taken Xanax, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, but it's also mixed with another, uh, plant. What's that? I think it's mixed with, uh, cra-cratum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hair, uh, was- Oh, Kratom. Kratom is like a hallucinogen, I think. I don't know, dude. I wanted to do it with you guys, and we're doing this one so early, I'm not gonna, like, start it now. Yeah, it's, uh, 10am, uh, doing the fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We make a indie movie. That's what we do. We shoot something. You know, this is just also throwing something at the board. We could go on a, oh, this is important tour. A little meme tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget the name of it, it's, it's uh. Because I can think of one that's very good. Which one? Reno 911. Oh yeaah. That show is hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that show is fun. When I just see- Off the rip? Cause that's such a like, clippable show. Cause it's just like, goes like person to person. Some of those fucking clips they pull from Reno 911 are so damn funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Lennon was like, nah. Tom Lennon you son of a bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, did they- did only Wayne Brady and Drew Carey, like, spin off from that? I know Drew Carey was before, but did the other dudes-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was tight. Guy with the glasses, yeaah. And the blonde hair, who was that guy? That guy rocked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you get those, uh, the cement, like slab, uh, ping pong tables. Those are fucking sick, though. Those are indestructible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but also a bomb cyclone. I read bomb cyclone. That is happening as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You cut, like a cartoon, you just put them in and then you pull all the bones out. I love rotisserie chickens, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So your body digests uh, rope very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's where AI misses us. They don't, they don't understand emotion. They have to read your faces in the pictures. They don't yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Everybody, you all have different stories. I'm so confused as to what this process is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I take a cold shower, it'll take my breath away a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it because you're like numb or is it because you're like, you're, you're, what's it doing to your muscles exactly?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just scanned your body, it just came back. Wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I hope that YouTube video, what was that? That was a... I have no memory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget how we wrapped that sketch up. I don't think we redeem ourselves. I think we kinda just pile on you and you cry in lights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, we could do that, don't they do a show in LA where you get actors together and you read the scripts that never got made? We could, we could do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, baby. This might be our earliest record yet. Not for Adam. Adam's in a different time zone, but Ders and myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't do it. Yeah, it's rough. It's really rough out there for- for go hard like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it's already hot as fuck. And you're not running the AC. Or you are, but it said- No, no, no, not during peak hours, cause Newsome said you can't run it during peak hours, so I'm flexing my power baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chill, please chill. So it's a lot of the father's adventures and you don't really cut to Nemo at all?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Oh, is there like weird makeup when he's older or is it played by a different actor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Opiates, yeah, uh-huh. I'm on the renegade force, yeah. I'm staying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see. Yeah, dude. Go ahead and sip the buzz ball. We call them buzz balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can flex your butt cheeks and blow out your backside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'm gonna blast off to BuzzKown. Yeah, blast off. This is uh, this is the earliest... Yeah, I mean I thought you had blasted off. This is the earliest recorded buzzball, warm buzzball consumed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fully customized. He spray painted it. What would happen if you kept your bird scooter or whatever scooter you use? They have tweets and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's open it up a little bit. We're not sponsored. To what else is there? Lime, what are some other ones? Lime, uh, livewire?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what if you kept it in your garage and like the guy keeps coming and he's like, where the fuck is this thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but isn't it all, isn't it also your job and this is where it got fucked up is cause, well this is like kinda what I heard through the grapevine, but Goons was living with our boy Greg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But part of picking up the scooters is that you're also responsible for charging them. So he was like charging hella scooters at the house. So the electrical bill was just going like through the roof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's charging like a dozen bird scooters a night?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's already 89 degrees outside. Jesus Christ. Alright, here's the global warming little tequila-rita to all my, uh, uh, TII. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh-huh, uh-huh. It touched my lips and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please, please do it for us. Thank you. Maybe we could have a virtual dinner or something, a supper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Glenn Stacy a person? Glenn Stacy is Spider-Man's girlfriend.


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[Assistant] That's always been one of your, and I'm, I'm being honest, Adam, you're really good at just pulling like the funniest name out of thin air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And I believe it. Didn't Durs have a really funny name for, uh, we did a guitar hero sketch. That was like one of the first things that blasted us off. We were in GamePro Magazine and we flipped the fuck out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think, I think that's a good thing to like, especially with now like nerd culture is like super hyper on top. Like you can be like, it's so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No I don't. Uh, it's what we call nerd baiting. And that was the first time I learned about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that is correct. Waterloo. Waterloo. From Iowa, and then before that, Ireland. The Mamps. The Mamps family. The Mamps, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I know what bridges is. Can I take a guess? Yeah, please do. Is it like something that connects two pieces of land?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm Adam Bougie. You guys were kinda like- I think we know what Blake's last name means. Hey, bitch. Oh, fuck off, brother. You're my dad. He's my son. And it really is that, right? Anders' son? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said I'm gonna tell you once and if I, if I have to say it again, I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you, dude. This is what your name means. No, it was tight. I was crying when he told me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, gather around, tell me your last name and I will tell you what it means.


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[Assistant] You know, home means, uh, those guys kinda came and went pretty quick, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they are? They are. They're kinda like starting to box. You'll probably see them in a fight soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, remember we were like talking about, man, we want like a, uh, a fighting thing where it's just like regular guys fighting. Then I realized we kind of have that. It's like social influencers fighting each other. Yeah. A lot of that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the other day, there was like a big one the other day that I don't think is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really weird, I mean I get it, but like the sport of boxing is kinda, kinda wild right now. Are they the same company that does the versus battles?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it was super sick because what was why, what was so weird and cool about quarantine is you'd be watching verses and the chat would legit have like, since nobody's at the club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, T.I.'s in the chat. Swizz Beatz in the chat. Like, and you're just like- Right, well, Swizz Beatz is the producer of it, but yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, but like, you're like, chatting and commenting along with the verses, and everybody's at home, nobody is out, so like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just cool knowing that no one- Hey, ATL and back down. There was something, because I get extreme FOMO, so like, knowing no one is having fun was very much like, it was very calming to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what FOMO is, correct? Yes, Blake, we know what FOMO is. Okay, thank God. I don't want to have the fear of missing out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, Adam, you go into these verses, you're like, oh, Luda's gonna mop this, bro. And then they start to pull out, like, the shit you didn't know, like, they were, they produced or they, uh, featured on. And then you're like, oh my God, that was a Busta song. Like, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so, it was either him or the- I know Swizz Beatz like went up against like Just Blaze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. They started to. That's why the Jeezy Gucci one was sick is they did it at a strip club in Atlanta and like that was like the first time you were watching like a, like people gather and it was like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's a terrible person. He sucks. We should stop. We should keep his name out of our mouths. Yeah, do not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you think Emmys is the excuse? You can miss pod for Emmy stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm in the same situation where I've like bombed some shit but I've done it multiple times. I don't know if that's just someone being nice to me or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like literally, you're making a meal out of every word we've ran out of tape. Like you're really milking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuh, it's a cruel, it's a cruel mistress, isn't it?


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[Assistant] No, he's just saying that you're very comfortable around Wiz. He's very inviting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I'm gonna shit on the cop car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. Eh, isn't that something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it? Leo Anthony Gallagher Jr. was his full name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also Leo, as in like the- Kyle, why do you say he brought us Ninja Turtles? What is making you say that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hit cartoon and was like, you should do a movie. What about a movie? That's no, wait. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seeker and ye shall find. Will Ron Gallagher, his twin brother, who Gallagher sued, I believe he sued his brother, correct? Hold up. This is great drama. For taking his act and going on the road with it. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now is Ron gonna go back out on the road? He could, he could. I would, I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if he was just a fan, if he was just a fan of it and he just were to say, well, that's not a dig to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am not doing that. How dare you. You are. Don't, please don't disc dead gallagher. Don't do that. It's just- Please don't disc dead gallagher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you know what the word yeet means, you don't know who Gallagher is.


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[Assistant] You wanna touch that one? I love that they stopped, they stopped, uh, selling Yeezys, right? Uh, but now they're gonna just take the name off of the shoe and still sell the exact same shoe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Double problematic. Well, everyone knows that they were ugly, bad shoes. I hated them. Yeah, they were terrible. To begin with. They were fucking disgusting looking. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Guys, guys, guys. I hated Yeezys. Okay. Okay, Anders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Yeezys are dead. Well, they are currently making the shoe. That's what the big announcement was, that they're gonna keep selling them without the Yeezy name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a conspiracy theory. I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know I'm about to sing that on the Macy's Day Parade. Take on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna sing that? I thought you were singing Looped Balloons. Can we hear? I'm singing Take On Me with a mashup of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's great. She's like wildly talented at singing. I had no idea. Cause you know, like you just like, you're like, yeah, yeah, we have good chemistry. We've worked together before. She'll, she'll be a great addition to the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the, the, just something to bust down. Yep.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's, that, NBC's known for like having funny sitcoms. They want to get back to that I think. And they're, they're actively trying to, yeah, they're taking swings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Performing at the Thanksgiving parade like Macy's? Dude, it's cra- I had no idea. I never- You're on a float? Did you miss? I'm on a float. I'm on the Peacock float.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on a float. Hey, shout out to Lonely Island. Thank you. There's like an 80 foot giant peacock, uh, floating above me. The stage is absolutely insane. There's 3.5 million people along the parade route. Oh my.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50 million plus people watch it live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. I watched that shit every year. It's just, you put that on. I literally have never seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? You've never tuned in? I've never seen it. I've known that it's a thing. My family doesn't do it. You just keep it on in the background.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea, I did not know it was such a big thing. Oh yea. But yea, we're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking Met- I probably will meet Snoopy, yeaah. The MetLife Snoopy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then 40 years from now, uh, when I pass away, someone will be doing their version of a podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's cool. We're going to be in New York, uh, doing that over in a, in a few weeks over Thanksgiving, um, which I think by the time this podcast comes out, it'll either be Thanksgiving or just after Thanksgiving. And, uh, my family's coming out. They're going to come, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, that is gonna be so funny to see my parents who like hate anything, uh, Nice. Nice? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're middle class, mid-western people. They're like, we don't need this. Fine without it. It's going to be so funny to like order room service and have my parents look at that bill and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've been in New York, right? They've been in New York? They have been in New York, but this is- Do they like it? And they think it's cool, yeah, but, uh, and I've put them up in a hotel, but this is- They think it's Yeet? Or no? This hotel that they're putting us up is in Midtown, and it's like super...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bougie. Bougie as fuck. Bad and bougie. Which I'm very excited to, for them to, uh, you know, be a part of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Home Alone 2, mhm, yeaah. It's Home Alone 2, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so Blake on our group chat, uh, just found that they do a porno parody of Kyle's show, What We Do In The Shadows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? When they go 10-1. When they go 10-1. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would it be, I know it's probably not a good look, but it would be very fun for us to write a hardcore porno and have it be the funniest porno that has ever existed. And then we would win an AVN award. I don't think you realize who you're up against.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well no, probably not, because I bet you have to be able to dick your- bend your dick back and put it in your own asshole. I bet you have to do- Right. That's what- that was my first thought as well, but I think you have to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I bet you have to do like weird things that we wouldn't even be able to physically be able to do. You want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, yes, okay, because the comedy... I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're definitely on set. We're definitely on set. We're on set. Kyle, you are directing. We're at the monitor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but which is like a weird award to give, like, well why not, like- No, you said girl next door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't need to be, it doesn't need to be girl next door. It could, you know, it could, she could be doing some dastardly things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is so long. This is so long, I gotta go. Kyle, I feel like you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bloopers. Oh, is it just like all, every year it's just a blooper reel that wins? Oh gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I usually put in dramatic, dramatic blowjobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other life. Admittedly, it's a much worse gig, I feel, to be on the male side of it. Cause you, I feel like a lot of those guys have to do both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, what a name. Dude, you Norwegians and your names, dude. You guys have... Yea, you guys got some gnarly names.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Morton. That's, I've never even heard that before. That's incredible.


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[Assistant] It's the link right there in the chat. Blake, you know how Zoom works. We've been doing this for fucking two and a half years. Oh fuck. This is good radio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's my, I think it's my, it's my birthday, or it was my birthday a few weeks ago. And, uh, we are celebrating it now at, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. I think, I think I might get to Joist, Jost? Jost? Jost?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna Colin Jost. Colin Jost. You're gonna Jost Chelsea? We're gonna joust each other, yea I think so. So I gotta make sure I strap on the, the, the, the back brace cause this is gonna get violent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a really dangerous flower. Yeah. Funniest person. That's a dangerous flower. Those are dangerous flowers to give.


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[Assistant] Well, that's cool. I mean, what a cool, uh, field trip to go on as a kid to medieval times. Like that's sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you guys ever shit anywhere, I did one time shit somewhere where I'm not supposed to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, go off, go off. It was, it was, I think we were like 15 or something or 16. I think we must have been 16. And my buddy was emancipated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From his apartment window, it looked over the gas station parking lot, and a cop pulled up. And it was New Year's Eve, and we're all partying at, you know, at his house. And I was like, I'm gonna shit on the cop car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually totally forgot about that memory, I'm glad that came up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But man, he, it really like bummed me out. I wanted him to be like, angry, you know? Stoked?


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[Assistant] Well it also depends, I feel like I'm the type of person that might go ballistic, depending on the- Oh, you would. I know, that's what I'm saying, that's why you expected it. The mood that I'm in. But, but uh, no, when I was punked, when they brought back Punked with Chance the Rapper, and they dropped a giant weight,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on, on my car, and it like exploded, and it wasn't my car, they got a car that looked exactly like my car, and blah blah blah. But, uh, I just, they expected me to like lose my mind, and I was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I was like, I had to leave super early the next day and Chloe to get me to go out a little later. It's like, please just meet my friends at this bar to like set up the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'd like to go and hang with her friends and I'm like, I really gotta get up early. Let's get out of here. Like I'm trying to go to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow and she's like, okay. And then we go and I'm walking there and now my car is parked in the construction zone and they dropped this giant weight on my car. My car just explodes and I, I, and then I'm caught just saying like, ah,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just totally dejected. I'm like, oh this is bad TV after they caught me. I'm like, if you would have just gave me the heads up, I would have acted like I was more mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry enough. I feel like in order for me to fly off the hinge or the hook or the handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It needs to be like a technology based thing that it keeps fucking up and I can't figure it out. That's when I'll freak out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if it's like an accident that something happens and my car exploded, I'm like alright, I have insurance, we'll get another car, it just sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how Blake is. Did you like it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you like it? He can't just get over it like. Oh, I bet you liked it. Yeaah. I bet you really liked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love a good crack. Yeah, do crackles exist outside of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little mini? I've never seen a full-size crackle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, in the 90s, it was all crunch, all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I actually do remember that too. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I kinda do remember what you're talking about, cause I, that was my favorite candy bar as a kid. Me too, I loved crunch bars. Really? And basketball is my favorite sport, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] KitKats still go hard, dude. Yeah, KitKats still. KitKats rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, kids don't really fuck with coconut usually, right? That's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, I think most kids don't like coconut. I think that's an adult flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I still, I can't get on board with some dark chocolate. I bought a dark chocolate weed bar. And I'm like, do I just feed this to, uh, like an adult?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I love coffee. It doesn't taste like coffee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever eaten butt to trophouse music though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what we were just playing and the vibe is fucking hella good, dude. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like chill, it's you're on vacation, you know, it just is kinda like. Yeah, it's, it's vacation, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not on the, the, I love this vibe. I love, I've been listening to like chill music 2022, chill summer. These are the playlists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give us another hint. Give us another hint. No, no, don't, don't, don't, don't. Wait, geographically close or like, vise close?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is an unearthed love for the W that I'm sniffing out right now that is kinda buried and was like fuck the dub and then you were like hold up wait, I actually dig it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'll test you anyways. Three weeks on the road will test you even if you're staying at the nicest of nights. You know? You're always moving. You got no roots. Your butt's always on the go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm better at blackjack. I am. I like playing blackjack more than poker, but I will play poker with you for sure. That just gets old after a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that seems about par for the course, but people are paying for booze?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's why it's called the boot? Yeah, the boot. That's what they did? The boot is the trunk? Yeah, the boot's the trunk. And then they would have the legs. And the legs are the wheels? Legs are probably the trips. Like the leg of the trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it was 13 years, bros. 13 years, man. 13 years, yea. What the hell? What's wild is it's, it's prohibition. The best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know that the roaring twenties was the same as prohibition. I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a little wild, because that's probably why all the parties fucking kicked ass, because it was illegal and there was no bars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wanna, do you wanna know why they did this? I do. In 1920, so it says National Prohibition of Alcohol from 20 to 33 was called The Noble Experiment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the fucking noble experiment, that's so wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And did you say sloppy toppings? Sloppy toppy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what was her deal? Why was she in Hollywood? What's going on? That changes the course of history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was in 1952 that she, that, that she married Reagan. So that's just, you know, the fifties were actually kinda tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you in denial, Adam? How do you- You can see it in her crazy eyes. How do you not see this as something that is probable that it's happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's shortstop. It's in between second and third is the shortstop. You just hit it. You just hit it. You check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's more, there's more, uhm, we need more bases in baseball in order to actually do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. It's the Billy Bean. Billy Bean set the precedent and then they've just kind of been rolling with it. You know, cheap and always moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, did we hear this? Yeah, we heard this, uh, just two weeks ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Cubs won a couple years ago. 2016, the Cubs took the series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not for me. I'm also okay with high-fiving. I miss human contact, especially in large groups of people, and it is awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, we are old, and there are lots of people younger than us. I'm just gonna say that, and it feels more like that. I feel that more and more every day, especially when I go out in the crowds, because there's not a lot of old people in the crowds. It's all the youngsters that are going out. Can you grab that for me, young man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what do you- I was talking about parties, I'm not talking about the pickleball court, I'm talking about like when I saw you play, uh, when you were at your thing, you DJ'd at the Comic Con, man, there was so many young fucking people there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so it's like Monaco. It's like, it's like Monte Carlo. Is it by Monte Carlo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he painted that picture, it sounded like Monaco, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it is near that. It's, it's over on the other side of the boot in Italy. See, Monte Carlo's on the other side. So yeah, I bet it's similar vibes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this, this, I think you guys would dig this. This is for you guys. I think you'd dig this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I mean it's like a million dollars for ten by ten feet by ten feet in Monte Carlo. It's like the most expensive spot on planet earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes, they have the craziest, most expensive shit in Monte Carlo. It's just, it's absurd. That's truly absurd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Ders, are you saying that these, are you saying that these are just like hot new tickets that people invest in and they get rich off it but they are absolutely not sustainable and nobody wants to live there after they become not a fad? Is that kinda...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, to like build a whole, a whole functioning like infrastructure, yea, that seems about right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. What's the quantifier? Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at these horizontal sky-crappers, bro. We heard you could drink here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking at these horizontal skyscrapers, man, there's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like one like horizontal piece that connects like two buildings together or something like that. It's like a walkway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean let's just keep it real, we're just gonna be sitting there fucking laughing. Nothing is gonna come of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instagram's always been, like, work to me, though. Like, I post, like, mostly work shit. Like, I'm like, okay, I'm in Comic-Con, I'm releasing a movie, I'm doing this TV show, and then I have a burst. And then, other than that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, the last time I was doing that stuff was when I was on- I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know. I definitely am. I mean, I watch him. So I just want to know if I laughed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Candy criticisms. Now this is just if anybody who can make this change if they're listening, but I'm a huge fan of Reese's, the cups, okay? I like the cups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I would think that they can fix this. They should be able to fix this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you so much. But sometimes if I'm just gonna buy it from the store and eat it in the car, this is when they're sitting on the rack, by the way. This is when they're at Home Depot. So I just go to my car. I just go to my car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today on This Is Important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you heard the Chipmunks at regular speed? The songs are off the chain. They're like the coolest versions of songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. I can't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which one did you want? Wear back? You wanted wear back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Axl Rose looking like a piece of shit. Okay, here's the pitch. Axl Rose goes back to college. It's Van Wilder. Welcome to the jungle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Okay, well that's what was cool. So like OCC, Orange Coast Community College, they called us up and they're like, yo, will Blake and Adam do like a speech for, what, what class was it? The commencement. Yeah. What year was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it, 2018 I think? Yeah, and they're like, you guys wanna do the commencement speech? And we're like, hell freakin' yeah dude, that'd be sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but I remember like when we were backstage, I was kind of dropping it like, yo, Adam, you never even graduated. And like the Dean was like, just don't talk to us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do, but you don't. You've never been on one, right? No, I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what the? This girl's all over the place. Why is she all over the place? And now she's like rubbing your shoulders?


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[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like when you get old, sometimes you just don't have control over it at that point. It's just kinda, it's kinda seeper.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like an old potion. I love buzz balls. And now they make big buzz balls, like huge ones. Oh, big balls.


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[Assistant] Those pre-made shots, like the, what were the ones in like the cans? Nah, I mean you could take them down.


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[Assistant] Pretty much, yea, they're like, they're like the pregame, like you hit those and then, and then you get the party started.


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[Assistant] So like the brass monkey is kind of hazy what a brass monkey is, right? Cause I heard a brass monkey was like, you go.


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[Assistant] Well, I, I think that the club brass monkey was not that. I think it was something else. Like a, like a shot with like whiskey or something. I don't, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it has orange juice, vodka, ice, and dark rum. That's what they're calling a brass monkey as far as a cocktail goes. But I always thought a brass monkey was you drink the 40 down to the label and then you fill it up with orange juice.


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[Assistant] What is that one? To the left, to the left. I mean, Macarena is a damn.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, that one's pretty recent. That's at least in the 2010s, right?


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[Assistant] It was also a cartoon. It was also a cartoon. I wanted to reboot that because they all look like dads and it would be really cool. The guy had a hard mustache. The sea dude, his mustache was thick as fuck, dude. I'm talking a real cookie duster.


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[Assistant] It is really cool, yes, and the bad guy is super cool, like his arm is a claw and he's like, his, his teeth are all fucked up. It was sick. He had a patch. Yea, that's kinda every 90's and 80's cartoon.


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[Assistant] Yo, you know who I was thinking about the other day if you wanna talk some 90s shit? Who, Blake? Is that rhetorical?


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[Assistant] Bro, cause I used to love G.I. Joe. That show was off the fucking hook, but you know who was so sick? Remember Destro? With the silver head dude? Yea.


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[Assistant] Yes, actually. That was a game changer. Actually, Sergeant Slaughter, somehow I got Sergeant Slaughter's GI Joe cause my dad said that he met him on a golf course.


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[Assistant] How hard do you think it was to get to Sergeant Slaughter in the 90s? I'm sure he was on golf courses in Southern California.


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[Assistant] I think that every pack on the back had this little square that you would cut out and then once you got like, I wanna say 20 or 50 or I don't fucking know. A wand leather?


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[Assistant] You, you would send that into Hasbro or whatever, whoever was making GI Joe, and they would send you Sergeant Slaughter, but it wasn't available in Toys R Us. You had to go through that process.


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[Assistant] I don't recall that, but he might have. There was definitely a dude who like had like basketball grenades.


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[Assistant] That's a great question. Uh, it might have- Synergy. Like, what came first? Uh, that's what I'm wondering. G.I. Joe. I think G.I. Joe. It was G.I. Joe? Yeah. Well, G.I. Joe, the toys definitely did. They were like Barbie dolls at first. Right.


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[Assistant] Uh, he did have a homie who knew Jason Kidd, the basketball player, so that was kind of like, I think I might have got his little, uhm, what were those toys where they didn't move, they were just like, they were just little stance.


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[Assistant] I just wanna play with toys. Wouldn't it be so fun to have a gun in your hand? You wanna football? Pray for one. You know what would be really fun? What?


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[Assistant] Okay, well Chevron released these car toys and they were a ton of them. They got like super collectible. People really liked them. They were sick. You could get like all different kinds of cars and I


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[Assistant] What were they called? Those were sick. I had that too. I had that too.


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[Assistant] I had something very similar happen when I had two box turtles. But we're talking about me right now.


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[Assistant] It was so hot and uh, it's just so sad. Anytime you go out and discover your pet just dead, it's- Wait, you recently found a dead pet?


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[Assistant] They were like in the fountain that didn't work. Like there was a fountain in the backyard that was not operational and I filled it with sand and then I put two tortoises in there. That is right. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But then one day I think it rained so I moved them to a cooler and I think they might have sizzled in the cooler or something. Suffocated. I don't know, it was so sad, dude. It fucking sucked.


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[Assistant] Dude, I am so sad. It fucking sucked, man. Tortoises are great pets. R.I.P. Frederica, R.I.P. those turtles.


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[Assistant] No, yeah, your parents called her, your parents called her and said, if you let him get a Sharpay, you realize he wins. And we're not gonna let Anders win.


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[Assistant] Uh, well, I'd like to give a shout out to Sydney, my black lab growing up. Wow. She was just a great dog. She just laid around. If you have black labs, you know, they're just the best. They're just so full.


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[Assistant] I just took it off a song. Because in uhm, in uh, England it's like, it's like really bad.


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[Assistant] Hey, shout out to all the dogs out there. You know, you've loved them, you've lost them, but they're always there for you. Shout out to Nate Dogg. Shout out to Nate Dogg. R.I.P. What a legend, man.


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[Assistant] Patrick Harris? Hey, uh, Cruella de Vildo, was your mind blown when you realized it was cruel devil?


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[Assistant] I'm not making up bullshit. What are you talking about right now? How is this?


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[Assistant] Exactly. But what did you think I was saying?


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[Assistant] Okay, so Adam, now we can have this actual conversation without so many sidebars filled with dumb shit. Okay.


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[Assistant] Well no, the cock is on the priest, the boner.


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[Assistant] The grass, like the reeds or whatever. Dandelions. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Okay, so in, there's the sex in the air, right? That's it, it goes in the air. But what's, there's one from Aladdin. Blake, do you remember the Aladdin one?


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[Assistant] I thought he was speaking directly to Jasmine when this went down.


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[Assistant] Okay, good. Here's what I will not show mine.


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[Assistant] You weren't a teenager watching Aladdin, bro? What's up?


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[Assistant] I can't remember, I think I said grow up, because you were watching a lot when you were a teenager, so I...


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[Assistant] I can't save anything. How are, can you honestly? Cause I don't know where we go from here now.


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[Assistant] No, those would not, those would not be the stakes of a child's film. Right? They would not be.


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[Assistant] Right, there's not a lot of cruel devils in these kids movies anymore, you know? Not a ton of cruel devils.


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[Assistant] Real it is? Yes. My son put together that they, that all their skin was going away when he was like, you know, that she wanted to kill them and like take their skin. And he's like three years old and he's asking why, like it's like, what, what the hell?


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[Assistant] Um, and it was like, yeah, I don't, I don't know why this is in this movie, dude. Like, no. He's like, do people take dog skin? No. Cause it's fucking cool.


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. Why do we have to justify? So they're trying, they're spending their time, what?


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[Assistant] I think it was well done, but I just was kind of like... Conceptually, like, what are we doing? We're spending the time to...


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're spending this whole movie to justify why we, why they made it so...


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[Assistant] Like violent, like in the first one where you're like, when you really think about killing 101 Dalmatians, that is a violent thought, you know? So now we have


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[Assistant] You thought Cruella was hot? She had something about her. Really?


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[Assistant] Announcers, they talk a lot, they're funny bro. You know how many jokes announcers get?


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's in Groundhog's Day? Yeah. Remember that shit?


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[Assistant] Okay. It still works. It still works. I mean, yeah, the tech is.


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[Assistant] Well, Durz's classics, I'm saying that as not like loaded, like fuck you. I'm saying like, yes, you would call that a classic because you reference it so much. It's a Durz classic, just like Daryl is a Durz classic.


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[Assistant] Dude, you guys, I have blocked this. I, I blocked this shit from my brain, but my mom, no, my mom was a substitute teacher.


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[Assistant] My mom did it for like probably two years. I forbid her. I was like, you're not teaching anything on my grade. She was on campus, but she was not allowed to teach my grade. She had to say no to those classes because it drove me bananas.


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[Assistant] She must have gotten whatever you need to be a substitute teacher.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, his knees are going out. What do you mean kind of? His knees are going out.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. I'm not a fan of the Nets. I would rather go back to the bring your gloves and protect your fellow next year. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] I can't catch a baseball? No, Kyle, you can't. Kyle...


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[Assistant] What the fuck are you talking about, bro? On the sidelines? You can catch that.


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[Assistant] Yes, yes, dude. I was a hot first baseman. I was on the traveling all-star team. I was hot.


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[Assistant] I was fucking good bro. Still put me on first base. I'm not going to let anything get by me. That's not going to happen. Okay? I can run all the plays and I can do that.


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[Assistant] I loved them. They were great. They were cool. They were my teammates. But it did start to get political. It did start to get to be like you had to be a coach's son to like, like kind of make it.


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[Assistant] If you're good. No, no, it was like coaches, it was coaches sons, especially when it came to the all star team. It was like, I remember being like, dude, what's going on? Every single player is a coach's son from different teams.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but when you take a third baseman, when you take a, let me talk. Because they've practiced.


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[Assistant] He's not a bully, he just say his full name. Say his full name. Say his name. Say his name, Blake. He just wasn't a first baseman, he was a- Say his name.


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[Assistant] I don't feel like calling out a real person for this, like.


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[Assistant] That's the first basement of the San Francisco Giants, and he was fantastic.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that happens, bro. I feel like that's baseball. I feel like that's baseball. That's baseball. That's what you do.