[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you're like, we're a grassroots organization and then there's really a billionaire giving you money in the bank. That's, that's AstroTurf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're still adding a lot of fun words. Air fryer just got added. I mean, they're keeping up with the times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doorbell camera, a lot of fun stuff. So there were 171,000 words in the English dictionary now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oxford Dictionary is 273,000. Well you gotta think, it started with 42,000 back in 1755. Yeah. And we're up to 172. So we've been adding words like crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For compound words? Yeaah. Nah, there are singular words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you're right. Yeah. There's, there's a space in there. Yeah. It's, you know, that's why they call them entries to clear up that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever hear somebody just say, I just love the smell of an old, I just love the smell of a book?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're like, I can't do you the kindle. I like, I love the way a book feels. I love the smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's a word for the, the, uh, Bibliosmia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the smell of old books. There's a real word for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mothballs and all that kind of stuff. Longest sentence ever printed. It's in, uh, uh, kindly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be fun. I'd just love for you to do the audiobook for it. Oh, we might talk about the next one. I'll talk about that video game that you did the voiceover for. Yeah, that's crazy, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that they just let you, it sounded like you, they were just like say it in your own voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so cool, man. Well, Les Miserables. You never see that movie? No? Okay, the book, there is a sentence, 823 words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Long. It's a long sentence. That's a run on. Longest one ever printed. President Theodore Roosevelt, we talked about him here on the podcast before. You're familiar with him. He read...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they're probably a little like same length as the books now. It's not like books have gotten that long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might be able to, a couple, you know, an hour or two. Be able to knock one out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this dude. He just wake up, sit in that little wicker chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Americans don't read the most in the world, if you can believe it or not. If you had to guess what country reads more than any other country, what would you guess? England.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta think about what are the, that's a great guess. What are the situations that would cause you to read a book?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we'll talk about bizarre books. Or, you know, remember Harry Potter, the forbidden book section? Uh, there, Harvard owns a book that is bound and human skin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just an old book and it was published sometime in the 1880s. They confirmed with 99.9% certainty that it is bound in human skin. I don't know why they're not a hundred percent confident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if they get it wrong, they want to be like, well, we told you we weren't a hundred percent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The book's been sitting in Harvard's library since the 1930s and has a note inside of it from the donor who explains that the book was bound in human skin. People have used it to memorialize the dead or the still living.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Among other reasons. Uh, they said they got the skin from the back of a female mental patient.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whose body was unclaimed after dying from a stroke. So they just scraped off her back and made a book out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a picture of this book? I mean, do we want to look it up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one says debunked. What are these facts Brian's giving me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they were 99.99% sure. We pull up an article. It says the Harvard bound book and human flesh isn't actually bound to human flesh. It's sheepskin. Well, that's what they want you to believe. Cause they were probably getting some flack for having a human skin book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does say sorry folks up top. That's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I go around the comedy, er, country for comedies, I get a baseball at every park. So I have one of those for all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I collect baseball cards. That's another, that's a fun one by the way. Uhm, it's back. Yeaah. It's back. It's very, yeaah. The market's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you're right. Probably. Some of them probably should sell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spoke a book out loud to my mom and she wrote down the entire thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's probably 30, 40, 50 pages when I was a kid. And I mean, it makes, my mom still has it in a binder. She wrote it all. It makes no sense. It's the worst story of all time, but I was so into it. I remember being in the backyard saying it to her and, uh, I need to find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which she'd write one book before breakfast every day, two or three of the evening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need to find, I think it was called like pickle nose eye beetle. Like it made no sense. I need to, I think I'll text my mom after this and I'll see if she, she can find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all the book stuff I got. That was fun. That was way better than reading a book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he learned more. You know, we probably could have read a book in that time, a shorter one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't think it's just looking at it and then remembering it. It's like you're reading it in real time, just that fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is that her? Yeah, uh, Tristan sent us this video. I can't figure out where, where to go to it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, you look it up. World's fastest reader. I guess she does it on the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's hard to make sense of, but that's the world's fastest reader from Thailand. Look it up. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, it's a website that I built from scratch, but it looks like a MySpace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aaronweber.com, Aaronweber.com was taken. Yeah. I had to get Aaron Weber comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm 30 now. Oh boy. It's about time for a real website, you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Made me smell better. Makes me more confident. They got body wash. They got deodorant. Uh, they get it all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every man Jack uses responsibly made packaging and their products are all cruelty free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are men's care, naturally derived, outdoor inspired. Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or EverymanJack.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I recognize the girl the next day and she didn't recognize me. I've had that happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I guess as a kid, you just listen to adults.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're afraid you'll get, you're afraid you'll get in trouble even if someone else's parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in this case, her friends, who parents may have been fine with it, even didn't watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, we s- I read one on that episode, but this was the one, the Life Hacks episode was the one with Caleb Elliott as our guest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, were you? I don't know. No, I'm saying 4.5.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that was your whole reason behind Let's Go Folks. Because it would make it 100% sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty on a recent podcast is saying, I hate the word folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you heard about this new, uh, reading style? Bionic reading? No. Supposed to change the game for people with dyslexia. Oh really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, where they, they highlight, they put in bold the first couple of letters of each word in a sentence. It's supposed to help you move it along and, and not get stuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First couple letters of each word or bold. I think it's supposed to help you see it better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see that's a narrow, I think you have trouble when it's spread out, don't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's arguing in his first trial, a jury got dismissed that shouldn't have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And therefore that led to him losing. And then, yeah, and then I guess he lost his appeal, uh, later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, can I mention I have a new favorite NFL football player?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we all should. Unfortunately, he's not a tight. He's an Atlanta Falcon. Nate Landman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Oh wow. He, uh, he plays for the Falcons now. He just signed as an, uh, undrafted free agent. So I'm going to be rooting for him to make the team. Nate Landman. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He follows us on, on uh, Instagram.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm smelling so good now. I mean, I'm married now with a child. I wish I'd known about this before, cause the ladies now, it'd be a totally different game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Body wash, deodorant, skincare, I got it all going on. All in one, body wash, just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyman Jack works great without any of the harsh chemicals like parabens and dyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can be abrasive to your skin and leave it feeling dry. They use as many.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clean, naturally derived ingredients as possible like activated charcoal, caffeine, green teas, coconut oil, and shea butter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Need something else to feel good about? Here's three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're a National Forest Foundation partner and their products are all cruelty free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyman Jack's men's care, naturally derived, outdoor inspired. Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or everymanjack.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was looking into it. I feel like of the four of us, I'm the only one to pull off being a spy or secret agent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, James Bond did that. He did? I mean, I guess, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The letter blew up. What's your favorite from all those movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Bond, Jason Bourne, Mission Impossible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he makes cameos in British films and he's just a huge star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Austin Powers is another one that funny spy movie. He kind of makes fun of all the spy movies. I think I like the born ones the best. Those are great. Born ones good. Some of them are just a different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, those seem like I know, but seems like the most realistic to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except the one with Jimmy Renner where he's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, it's not real real, but it's not like James Bond where there's some secret car or gadget or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the spies have been around at least since biblical times. There's a story in the Old Testament about Moses sent 12 spies into the promised land to scout it out before they went to invade it just to see what it's like in there. They went undercover for like a month, came back and reported what they found. So a lot of people consider them to be the first spies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a TV show a few years ago that was very popular with the Americans. Uhm, those were Russian spies living in America as everyday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, the FBI was on to them, so they were watching them for years and they finally busted them. One of them was a Russian model.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they were just living around the Northeast, New Jersey, New York City, stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the FBI found out about them pretty quick, so they were just watching them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people are like, this guy's been my neighbor for like a decade. Wow. He's a Russian spy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they watched them for 10 years, but I think they lived here for like 10 years before they finally


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, arrested him. Wow. Lived here for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd go there, they'd catch me, they'd tell me some stuff, and I'm like, you know what, that's some good points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pull the letter out that little slot, read the letter, then roll it back up, put it back in. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess there's some way that they could tell that it was an envelope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but they have a lot of, they have a, uh, a shoe phone. That was a real thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Director of the CIA, uhm, was complaining about they didn't have enough cool devices like in James Bond. And they made stuff just because- James Bond. Because of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a real thing? That was real? That was real. A guy was strolling in London and he felt a twinge in his leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. Pathologist found a tiny metal pellet lodged in his leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He might have gotten medical advice quickly about being sick. I don't think the first thing you ever think is that bug bite on the back of my leg was what caused it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, remote controlled insects, that's another thing they do. These dragonflies, like, that look like real dragonflies, but they can have little tiny cameras on them to spy on people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know right now, but that's been around since the 70s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it was first launched, it proved unwieldy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even in light winds, so it was never deployed on a mission. The winds would catch it. Just blow it away. But, uh, but yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw a movie where, with a spy movie with Helen Mirren, I forgot what it was called, but they used dragonflies or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, exploding pencil case. This is back in World War II when people still used pencils. It had a time delay detonator, so you could set a pencil case on...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess someone's desk and then be out of there before it exploded. It's like you can just do a bomb if you're gonna do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Glove gun, that was a real thing. Had a gun on your glove. You reach, shake someone's hand and then you shoot them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During World War II, the prisoners of war were sent bicycle playing cards and the ace of spades had a hidden map on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To help them escape. You had to dip it in water before it would come up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, maybe they got visited by someone that they could speak privately and tell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's clearly some things I don't know the answer to. Maybe they would think the whole deck, it takes a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe everything I just said was incorrect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This says the ace of spades according to this. Sexpeonage was a big thing. Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Russian, beautiful Russian women being trained to seduce, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess anybody, just men that come over there. Is that movie good? I haven't seen it. Oh. You guys seen it? I haven't seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you think it's a lot easier now to be a spy, probably? Because, I mean, they used to have hidden cameras, like, on their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buttons of their coats and stuff. Now everyone has a phone. Everybody's a phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was reading where now they get to people by, they create fake


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, conferences like educational conferences where the scientist and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People go to, they think it's a real thing, but it's really created by like, any country can do it, but the CIA does it. And they put it on, and then once they go back to their hotel room,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the CIA, when they get alone with them, they'll come to them and try to convince them to come with them. To escape, like, to come to the US and be, you know, under their surveillance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, like if there was a Russian chemical engineer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They might put on a fake conference in Europe somewhere and they think it's a real thing and they come and speak or whatever. Soon as they get away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they can get them one on one. The United States will come to their hotel room and be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we want you to come to the United States. They pressure them somehow, you know, into coming and, and if you don't, we're going to do this, this, this or whatever. Or they just try to like brainwash them or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just try to convince them what you should be doing. And both countries do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a big, that's, so that's how now they recruit people, someway just like that, scare people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a spy that was so dumb, he was like a double agent and they were about to catch him and there was a meeting set up in the New York Public Library and he got lost in the library and never made it to the rendezvous where they were waiting and he finally just left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they didn't, they didn't arrest him because he couldn't find where he was going. Oh, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the new thing now that's going on is this thing called Havana syndrome. Oh boy. You know this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is just the last few years. People in U.S. diplomats in Havana, Cuba started saying they had this weird, they got sick and this weird, uh, vibration.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Going through the years and they didn't know what was going on. At first they were like, Oh, it's just nothing. But now it's happened a bunch of different places, including on the grounds of the white house. Like people have gotten sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't know who's doing it, but it's happened a bunch of different places. They think Russians maybe, but it's become like a big problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think maybe they're just trying to steal information off their laptop or their phone and they have a way, some type of device that pulsates a signal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's just causing the side effects, is that? But they don't know. Maybe they're just trying to make people sick and mess with them. But it's happened on the grounds of the White House, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it first happened in Havana, Cuba and at first they're like, you guys are just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it was on the White House grounds, uhm, and I guess the grounds were pretty big. Somebody, I saw this on 60 Minutes, they were walking into the White House and it was like paralyzing to them and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they got real sick. One guy was just in a hotel room and he said he saw like a white van outside his window and it affected his, him and his wife and their kids. Oh, um, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, maybe they're just testing it before they do it on the president. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a spy who found out four months before Pearl Harbor that Japanese were going to attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Pearl Harbor and he, uh, he alerted the CIA and they didn't believe him. He wasn't from America. He was from another country. They didn't believe him. And so they ignored it, but, uh, he was right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what you could do though. You could tell them a bunch of other stuff's about to happen before that and they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would believe you. We better say something good. Look up sports scores, everything before you go back and say, look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said Nostradamus predicted 9-11. He said two still birds would fall from the sky in a metropolis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then people debunked it said, still wasn't even a thing during the time of Nostradamus. So they don't think he really wrote that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this guy, the one who told him about Pearl Harbor, was the bassist for James Bond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was friends with Ian Fleming, the guy who wrote James Bond, and he based his character, they think, off of this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She like, was a typist for them or something, but, uh. And then she got into cooking? Yeah, much later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I think there was like a rumor like, oh, Julia's child used to work for CIA and everybody's like, no, it's just an urban legend, but it was real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. She's 41. She's in the Bourne movies. Mhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the point. The Israelis said, we can't do that. We don't have that power. This was just, they said, this is just the thing. We track sharks migrations. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think this is a little bit like, uh, like you said, the Nostradamus thing where people just believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, the Procter & Gamble thing on Phil Donahue. I think just enough people hear it and then they just, it just becomes a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've tried numerous times to use animals for their service. Operation Acoustic Kitty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was where they're planned to turn cats into portable spying devices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's out there. That's like in the movie, uh, Citizen Four, where Edward Snowden's talking about- Harrison Ford? Citizen Four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he's talking about all the steps people spot on and then the fire alarm goes off in the hotel room while they're doing the interview. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. And they're interviewing him. Oh, is it good? I'll watch it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and he's did some secluded play and then while they're interviewing the film crew, the alarms, the fire alarms just going off in the hotel. And it's just like, that's weird. Like what's going on? He's looking like looking out the window and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's like people always talk about, like you asked, do people get ad pop-up ads? Are people spying on us, these companies? And it does seem like you've.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you're just being in your house talking about something and then next thing you- I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You haven't even looked anything up about it, you've just been talking about it in your house? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the CIA during the cold war for a while used mind readers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 12 million pages of records got declassified, but they were using-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, it's like when the Supreme Court issues some big ruling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's multiple pages and then the news reporters have to come out and immediately tell you what it said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have to really, really read fast or just skip to the back and try to find a summary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, they use these mind readers, they're called, it was called Project Stargate, and the program was finally shut down in 1995.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they would use these psychics, they called them remote viewers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, famous episode of The Tonight Show, he comes on and Johnny Carson's producers have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come out with their own spoons and their own stuff and it stumped him and he was like, Oh, I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it tonight. Well, he just wants you to do it. And he's like, I just, I don't, I don't feel strong right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I watched the clip last night. He's on Johnny Carson. He's like, I'm just not, he's like, this scares me. And they're like, well, we just want you to show what you can do. And he's like, I just not feeling very strong right now. That's kind of mean. That's what he said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe Google him and Johnny Carson, see if I got my story straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so anyway, so this is a program called Project Stargate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was declassified in 95, or they ended it in 95.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a long time to see if they could locate people. Maybe the CIA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it Mr. Rogers that there was a rumor that he worked for the CIA or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he shared secrets with her, which these couple shared with the Russians. And, uh, they were first people put to death for being spies. This was, uh, back in the fifties, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were just this American couple and a lot of people thought they were falsely accused and that they really weren't involved in it. But uhm, want some information.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her brother worked on the Manhattan Project, which was building the atomic bomb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He shared with her some of the secrets for making the bomb. She shared, both she and her husband shared it with Russians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were, they were getting paid to do it. They were like Russian spies, but, um, but they were supposed to just this American family that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no one was suspected, but they got caught and they were put to death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? It was just him sitting, Yuri Geller sitting down with Johnny Carson with a bunch of stuff laid out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Indeed has how to become a CI agent or how to become a spy CI agent. Can earn a bachelor's degree. How long you go to school for that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CIA normally requires applicants to have a GPA of 3.0 or higher. That's not that high. No, so, so far, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't have to have it, but they would like you to have a specialized field like security, technology, foreign affairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Become fluent in one or two foreign languages. Arabic, Korean, Russian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to complete a required testing and medical exam. They want you to do a polygraph test and do a credit check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the NateLann Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, join the affordable e-bike revolution. Go to electricebikes.com and use code Nate to get a free foldable mountain bike lock with any bike purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a free bike lock when you use code Nate at L E C T R I C. So it's like, you know, electric.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, uh, shout out to our sponsor from the makers of Helix, the most comfortable mattress ever, comes all four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can assemble all the furniture yourself in minutes, no tools needed. Right now Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at Allform.com slash Nate. That is 20% off all orders at Allform.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast, as I said before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we are here, uh, me, uh, Brian Bates here in Weber and we have Dustin Chafin with us. He's back. Uh, me and him are on the road. We just got back from, uh, somewhere, Tampa, no, Tampa, Florida, Orlando, Fort Myers, Fort Lauderdale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we're heading up to, uh, next week Providence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Port Chester, Huntington. All around Albany. Albany. Yep. And so, uh, yeah, so we're having a big little run and then LA.


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[Assistant] If you, if you need to come to the first LA show, I'll be back there for the, uh,


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[Assistant] Netflix is a joke festival. I got a show May 3rd. There's a few tickets left for that. So, uh, but that's where we've been. And then what, so what about, where are y'all?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the Vecchio on taping was great. The crowd was awesome. Uh, I know a lot of people that's in this podcast came and people were just so supportive and it was so cool to see. Cause it's like this thing that I want to try to create. It's nice to see people.


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[Assistant] Like help us. And that was a big help. I mean, people come cause they know who Mike is. Mike destroyed. I mean, it was wild. Like he did, it went as good as it could go. And, uh, I directed whatever that was. Uh, I think I liked it. I liked it. Yeah, I was directing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well it was like, you're almost like, uh, I'm probably, there's probably more you're supposed to do as a director, but for my directing of it was like, you know, think of the opening, like helping with the, we designed the set, like, uh, some locations of cameras and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the 800 pound grill, they're so great. And then they know how to like call the cameras, like let's go tight shot on this. Like I don't know that stuff. Uh, so I let them, I was like, y'all do that. I don't want to be, uh, you know, a cowboy shot. That's a big one. Never heard of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Haven't either. So the point, it's a shot, it's a, it means you're shooting like below the kneecaps and then, uh, up above your head. And so it was made for like cowboy movies if they were like doing a draw and you want to be able to get the whole gun coming out. So they call it a cowboy shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got a few cowboy shots. I kept saying the hero shot. I've only heard that. I don't know what that is either.


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[Assistant] Uh, but it was, I can't wait for everybody to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it really was great and it's just, you know, clean and it's, it's the clean that we want to do clean that you don't know it's clean. And that's what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Mike did and that's what it was and it was awesome. And so yeah, thanks again for everybody that came out to that.


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[Assistant] I was in town all week for the festival. Oh yeah. Yeah. The national comedy festivals this whole week. Yeah. Just wrapped up, saw you at the Ryman at Arsh Fier show. That was a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. They, uh, I was announced on that show, then they said I can't be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I was with, you know, like everybody at home, we all have our friends that are, you know, probably going to hell.


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[Assistant] It's like you're trying to build this not perfect world of just being, yeah, some of my friends are crazy and they do crazy stuff and I would do anything for them and some of them are not and some of them are living life the best way you could live life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should be mixing with all of them and you just be. It's like family. It's family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta love it. You gotta go crazy. But that art show, my agents got there like you can't have your name on it.


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[Assistant] You know, cause people might come and they don't know and they think, oh, I'm going to this neighbor gets his show and they don't realize like.


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[Assistant] But yeaah. And they're all funny stories and it's all, it's all great buddy. So it was fun. The National Festival was great. And it's doing great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just want good comedy. And that's what you want is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a, it's our buddies Louis J Gomez. He started this whole thing, uh, you know, Christine, Rebecca, Trenton, like so in its, uh,


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[Assistant] It's a wild thing, but there's the most love I've felt in that festival than outside of a lot of festivals.


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[Assistant] And it's people that like, I would always, I came up, I was doing all those shows that were dirty. I was doing all that stuff. That was all this edgy stuff and everybody would just embrace it. They're like, yeah, Nate's clean. Like we don't, we just want funny. We don't care. Those are the least judgmental people, which is kind of crazy. And then it's kind of the ones that want everything to be politically wrecked. That's the most judgmental.


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[Assistant] And they don't want anything out. Like that, his, the group that goes to that is it's people coming from all walks of life and they're just the nicest. And, uh, yeah, it's cool. It's cool to see that. Like when Gaffigan went up, they, like, they love, it's like, they can't believe Gaffigan's here. And then they, you know, so it's fun.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, yea, well we would see a couple times when we were driving, uh, to get to the venue, we would have to drive in front of it. And which was kind of cool because you get to see the crowd go in. And it is like, you always just sit there and you're like, I mean, I'm blown away that people are showing up. I don't even understand how I, you're like, I have to know them, I guess. Like.


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[Assistant] In Tennessee? Yeah, and it's an incredibly humbling experience to even just see as people walk in. And it's old, young, it's people with tattoos, it's like,


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[Assistant] All this kind of stuff where you're like, they're there for whatever reason. They either, it's like you're funny. Some people like the cleanest. Some people like the not politicalness, not the heaviness. It's just this, whatever it is. And it's cool to see.


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[Assistant] And that's what it all should be. And everybody makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. I make a ton of mistakes.


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[Assistant] If you do too at home, unless Jesus listens, uh, then yeah, we're all just, you know, we don't judge you. I love it.


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[Assistant] Is that? The Nashville Comedy Festival is going to be, it's great and they do it every year and it's really building into something that's really nice and a lot of comics come down and more people in Nashville are knowing about the festival and it's going to be, it's just going to keep going and it, I really do love it. I love that we have a festival here.


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[Assistant] No, no, uh, we're, we already got a clip of it to look at it, but we've got to edit it. We've got to do stuff. I don't know where it's going to be. It can be on YouTube. We can try sell it somewhere else. There's a whole process to it. I'll let everybody know when we know. I mean, you know, hopefully three to six months, there's an idea of where, but I, you know.


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[Assistant] And that's all of us. That's, you know, Ari Shafir, Soder, Shane Gillis, uh, Jay, me, Josh Adamatters, Brian Dorfman, Owen Zaney, Sal Vacano, my sister, and then, uh, Mike Vacchione. And it's like, it's a crew, this is what I love.


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[Assistant] It's, this is a group that's, it's not, you know.


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[Assistant] You got a weird kid in school, go talk to that guy. That guy's probably going to be more, you know, just have a good group. Don't have a bunch of yous. That's almost the way you can have a couple of yous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let's start with the comments. Uh, Heather Waldridge, my best friend and I attended the live tap- live taping in Mike Vecchione's special and they were both fantastic. When y'all talked about fish being meat, my friend looked at me and said, it's, uh, Piscastrian. What is it?


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[Assistant] That's like a, yeah, church thing. It's like a religion. A pescetarian. A pescetarian fish. Yeah. A pescetarian sounds like is it being like, I don't know about this. Is that what that means? Is that how it's spelled?


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[Assistant] Was that that church goes in. Cause I thought Episcopalia. Episcopalia.


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[Assistant] That changes everything. I thought the church was pescetarian. And I like the idea that everybody walks in with a little like, you know. Oh, pessimism. The first five rows are empty. Like everybody's like, I'll sit in the back. I'll move. I mean, let me see if I want to get up. That's what I think.


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[Assistant] And then I thought, well, her friend went to, she grew up a pescatarian. The church. I could be in conversation with people and I think we would, we would be able to finish the conversation.


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[Assistant] Rewinds retro. Aaron was on today. He really opened up, opens up in front of a crowd. It was like a different person. There you go.


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[Assistant] Spencer Heaton, the fact that Nate said who, instead of what, when he misheard Brian say, cities cover 3% of the earth's surface, means that Nate thought Brian said an individual person covered 3% of the earth's surface. Not truly, Nate truly is an enigma. What's an enigma? Like a mystery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I am a mystery. Uh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I would've thought a group of people covered through vicinity, you know?


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[Assistant] Yeah, this stuff comes in and it's, it's, we got our own carnival. It doesn't all, you don't come out the same. You don't.


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[Assistant] It's not a, it's not a well-old machine. It's, I mean, people, some people are there, some people don't show up. William Ryan. Breakfast Bates needs to open the next episode with a bunch of hats from different pharmacies to let us know which one he chose. Oh, that's a good idea. Do you have an update?


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[Assistant] Which is nice. I think that's really, really what you're not there for the CVS, you're there for the people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you do want that. It's a whole, when you walk in, it's a whole thing. Like here comes the squirrel tack guy. They probably put that in because they have to just also know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you around squirrels? Like we need to know. And you go, I'm not only around them, they're after me. And it goes, good to know. Good to know. Uh, yeah, I'd imagine. Yeah. You come in. It's a, it's a thing. It's a thing. They know us for sure. Yeah.


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[Assistant] What if he didn't know? What if he just go, hey, what have you pulled? He goes, what?


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, literally read it last night. I have some like fact thing that gives you just some dumb facts. Snapple cap. Yeah. It's kind of like that. And there's an app and, uh, it just said that that's crazy. So you could get 150 seeds and just eat them all at once and it could kill you, man.


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[Assistant] Alright. Uh. Good way to go. Could, I mean, I mean, would they, yeah. Would they even know?


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[Assistant] I was like after, if you did that, they'd be like, everybody would agree, it was probably time for him to go. Uh, just the Eden seeds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would have no idea. You're like, I don't know. You ate apples every day, the whole thing. He'd eat 150 on the day. Nigga. Had a ton of energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Connor Knighton, before Nate moves his entire family to Oregon to live next to a giant mushroom. You should know.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yeaah, I've seen him. And he went down, so this is him going down to look at the mushroom? Mhm. And you like see it, so there's not a big mushroom?


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[Assistant] Like, it's all under. That would be one thing. Collectively it's one thing. So the ground is all mushroom.


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[Assistant] Oh, so I just thought it was a tree. That's crazy. Yeah, I pictured. Thank you, Connor. That would have, I would have, I almost went out there and looked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My husband just said, are the Alps not the same as the Appalachians? Nate, I'm so proud of you for knowing these were different mountains. I think I've already forgot that I did know that.


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[Assistant] It's close though. Yea, it's close. It's the same ballpark. It's all the same. I think it'd get your head in the right direction. I'd say, I have to ask when you get closer. Like if you got it, you getting it, I'd be like, just Swiss, Sweden, I don't know. Start heading there. When you feel like you're getting close, I'd stop at some gas stations. Swifty. Stop at Swifty.


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[Assistant] Sean Smith, Mount Everest and the rest of the Himalayas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Himalayas, is that right? Uh, are growing every year and there are some mountains that are growing even faster than Everest. The closest contender could overtake Mount Everest in just 241,000 years. So if Mount Rainier doesn't step it up, he could lose his place on the podium.


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[Assistant] Who was, I called that, I mean I just, I can feel science. When you're asked if mountains are growing? I mean, it's, I don't even, I have no schooling and I just.


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[Assistant] I got an instinct for like, I bet the mountains are growing. They're just going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's just saying. Yeah, yeah, it could lose it. Yeah. Mount Rainier is gonna, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Got no wifi. Well like 4 hours? Yeaah. I mean that's gotta be, I mean how long is that gonna take?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean why don't you just throw it. Push it like a clothesline. I mean, you don't have to hook them to a line. What if you just... Toss them off. Toss them off.


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[Assistant] Just do one that's like, you could walk up tennis shoes. Yeah, something that's like, you know, people know the name of it. Uh, James Mifflin, like Dunder Mifflin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The smallest country by population is Vatican City.


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[Assistant] They, they, they're the Pope's ad. Like people born there, like, or is it like only the people that work at Vatican city or like the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a kid that's like, I'm from Vatican city and then he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I mean, do they have to show a passport to get like, you know, or you-


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[Assistant] And then it's part, it's Italy, but yeah, but it's, so they make their own laws. They make their own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks! I didn't go to Notre Dame, but I believe Aaron's logic on counting rings in the tree is a bit off. If you cut a cross section of the tree, then counting the rings, you wouldn't double them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being that each ring goes all the way around doubling the number of rings would give you double the actual age. Sincerely, an Armachui, Armachui high school graduate. Where's Armachui?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things worked when I said that. And it's, yeaah. It's like 8. This one's 8 years old.


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[Assistant] Uh, why don't you know how old all these trees are? I guess it's just nice to know some.


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[Assistant] Yeah. But I mean, you'd have to cut it all the way to the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cat cook. When my dad was a boy scout, a park ranger showed us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you do it. You don't have to double it. And you don't ever ask, but would it, and does the tree get more rings?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it adds a ring, so it just grows and gets, so eventually, is it like real big and fat? Or does dessert, do they always stop growing? And if you didn't cut down a tree, are they gonna get like, if you have this tree, a tree in your backyard,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but so in a tree in your backyard, if you don't ever do anything in a thousand years, is that tree going to cover my whole yard?


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[Assistant] Cause it's the rings would be, you know, does it, the ring stop and then you're like, how do you know then? Like, do you, does it get a new ring every year? And then it just can only get so big and you know, that kind of stuff. It's a great question. Yeah, it is. Uh, do trees grow until they die?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kelly Callahan, learning that breakfast baits was the waffle maker offender was one of the greatest pieces of information I have ever received. I had to immediately go back and watch that section of Nate's special so I could hear it again knowing it was Brian and pictured his worried face once he realized what he had done.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You know, it's funny, I probably would have.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess we could have like played it out. I hope we played it big enough. I never thought about, you know, I knew it was you. So, yeah. It was a big deal though. Big reveal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big reveal. And that's what we did. We got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would all say that an electric bike is too expensive, right? That's what everybody's going to say. Finally, there's an e-bike made for everyone, electric e-bikes, and they just start at 7, uh, $7.99.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $800. They're the fastest growing e-bike company in the US. Uh, we have one. It is awesome. And it was very easy to do and set up. I was, I liked it more than I thought. And it's super, super fun. It's like riding a motorcycle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it goes like, this one gear ups like 20, 22 miles an hour, like, and, uh, you know, like in neighborhoods or riding around, like it's just very, very fun. I mean, it was honestly, when we, they sent it to us, it was like, uh, we're like, all right. And then you're like, where am I going to do this? And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a ride around the neighborhood, dude. It's like the most fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has pedals of will as well, so if you get stuck out, my dad drove it, like everybody drove it. Uh, I mean, truly, I mean, loved it. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to go, you know, I mean, you, you know, you, and BF pedals to bike. If you want to do the right size, but you don't want to get stuck out. And then you're like, that's enough, you know, and then maybe you should go out and be in the wild. You know, there's got all these green gateway. What's, is that the green way or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Uh, it's like you can go run on those bike paths, just be cruising around, just get some air. I mean it's, it really, I truly, uh, it's way more eco-friendly than a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A great way to explore the great outdoors of the city. I mean 45 miles, I could drive to Nashville and back. Yeaah. Yeaah. Get on the highway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, also shout out to all four. If you've been listening to this show, you've probably heard me talk about our Helix mattress. Everybody loves it. Uh, Helix left the bedroom and started making sofas. We have a great one, uh, in Laura's office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, uh, I sit in all the time. It's, uh, we, it's, we chose the armchair with the sand fabric with the natural wood legs. Uh, it's super comfortable. All form sofas are also delivered directly to your home with fast free shipping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sofas can take months, weeks or months to arrive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you need someone to put it together. All form takes just three to seven days to arrive and you can assemble it yourself. No tools needed. They have, uh, the, you know, the fabric is spill, stain, scratch resistant, all this stuff, the color of the legs, sofa size. It's just a great way to fit, you know, you can fit it anywhere cause you can customize it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If getting sober without trying it sounds a little too risky. Well, you get 100 days to decide if you want to keep it. And that's a good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, you get a good go at it. Yeah. More than three months. If you not love it, they will pick it up for free and give you a full refund. They even offer a forever warranty, warranty, literally forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to find your perfect sofa or chair, check out allform.com slash Nate. And Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at allform.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A-L-L-F-O-R-M dot com slash Nate for your new favorite sofa that is 20% off all orders at allform.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm eating on my calorie thing. The greens though are great. Cause it's like, you get all that, uh, the vitamins, you get it just, you just do the drink. Uh, I get it in here. Laura makes the drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My barber can help me with my athletic greens and uh, I just love how easy it is. It's really just pound it and then you're, you feel like a new man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is Vioria, uh, Viori and uh, I got this in some shorts that match this and it's like a jogging, but I'm not worried on the plane today. I'm a giant fan dude. Like this is, uh, it's, I don't know. It's just perfect. It's like your, your own world. It's great track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my mom does great. She'll get you out of everything. She's my true Bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, but I would go, they just cancel it on the app. Do it all through the app.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, someone's there. Is someone, what, what is the name of this place?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. What's that Seinfeld thing? Oh, the baseball uniforms. Is it too hot? Yeah. It's too hot. Polyester. No, polyester is too hot. Yeah, it switches to Titan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, polyester. Yeah, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And I believe you with Planet Fitness and that other thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why you do it. The odds of that are crazy. Crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, why would they not be smart just because they can't do it on their own? Computers? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you gotta hope that it really works out to the spot. Like this is going to be very convenient for like a couple people. They're like, it's the best. Everybody else is like, I don't know, you gotta, you know, take a subway all the way down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I mean, that's why you would, you would, it would need to be like, you need to live next to a landing pad. And then where you're going needs to be, like if you have work, you know, and someone could move to go do that and they're like, it takes them five minutes, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, but it's a thing now. It's like, they just, it looks. Cause that thing remembers you forever. Then you don't, you know, you think you're 20 years later and they're, these robots are crazier and it just shows up at your house. It's like the Terminator. And you're like, you remember me? That's how it started. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what the whole movie is. Yeaah. So it's, uh, yeaah, I need to watch that. I just downloaded Last Action Hero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. You can just do a whole Arnold thing. Yeah, I'll jump into Arnold a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, how, so you could go to be like, I, it's like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what if you were like, I wanna watch, is there a different order to watch it? Like the way you do Star Wars? Is it like, don't watch it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel like I wonder if it's, they look at it as like, uh, like cancer and surgery and doctors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what if it was, it was just one machine trying to figure it out and then we just don't let it, we keep it in a room locked up like a prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's just in there alone. Why does he need to talk to another robot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never seen that either. Is it good? It's a slow burn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I want to go through the whole journey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I guess they could self charge it. Yeah, they could figure out a way. They could figure out a way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but they are the weapons we're using. Like that's, so they just turned on us, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if it programmed and we had it, the war would be us. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would imagine if you're, if you're, if you're marrying a robot, you're in love with yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah. Yeaah, but you're talking something that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is you. And that like learns how to talk to you specifically. And so you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wouldn't even know how to have interactions with people because you would be, you're like, I love myself so much. It's so self entitled. It's the ultimate act of selfishness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a woman yelling at you makes you- An easier way to become a dictator. You're like, well, do you want to be a dictator? You go, I would love to, but that's so much work. So I will start with-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Building the thing that I want to do exactly what I want them to do every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's never gonna do that. I mean, I, I'm not gonna, she's not being led down the road where that's gonna become a possible, like, you know, you, uh, that's where, you know, I mean, the parenting has to come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't, I don't, I don't like doing stuff. Uh, dishes or stuff. Kitchen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, I don't think I'd want to take, you don't want to take, yeah, like, yeah, if they could do stuff. Uh, I don't want to take jobs for people though. Like, I mean, if it's, you know, you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'll, I understand the quickness, but I, I don't, I guess, so I'm, I'm using it there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure I would get very used to almost anything that would be like that, but I feel like, what, what are you going to do for jobs? Like, I mean, you could slowly get, I mean, the one thing good about a comedian, even though you've seen like the comedian robot or something, but I mean, like there's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, comedians are kind of your voice in your head. Right, yeaah. And so, like, you hope that, like, that's still something, you know. Yeaah. Maybe a song, like, there's still, you just gotta hope that people don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, not perfect is what makes human, what makes it so perfect. Right. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a point where you, everything can become too perfect and you won't, then enjoyment is gone. And so everything's like a transaction, everything's a business, everything's just give me this, I want this. Like so there's gonna be conveniences that you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like that art, like, I'm not, who you gonna show that to? Like, you, it's cool now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you say, I just typed this in and it printed it and you showed it and you have a story behind it. But once that's like, well, everybody does that. Well, then why do I care? Like if you show it to me, oh, you got one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. I agree. You remember the thing that you could, you had to mix your eyes and you can see it, you know, like Kramer. And then, uh, it's like that was like cool. Cause it was like, at least like there was a reason to be looking into it, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I don't think it would take away art because you're like, if you show me that painting and you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like seeing, like, I Got Tiger Woods, uh, autograph and it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably worth, that could be worth a ton now because of the story. Cause you're like, that's crazy a robot did it. But if that comes the everyday, your story is gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I own, yeah, like I, well they own like the picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I just, it's, it's flashy and fun and then I think it's gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you can't, the, the, the being in front of people, that's what I like doing experiences, like isn't experiences really big with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I guess Gen X or Millennial was like all about experiences. And so like with this kind of stuff experiences go away. So you have no experiences, then we're all just living, you're just asleep in a bed the whole time. There's no reason to even live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could see it getting out of control and stuff like that, but I, you know, you would hope, and now maybe the generation from generation, like they just slowly get like taken over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like the robot umpires in baseball. It's like, yeah dude, part of it is the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that it will kind of ump you got tonight. Imperfection. And then the imperfection and that you got to figure it out as an athlete and that you like that athlete, you figuring out how they're calling something is the talent that I'm paying to go see versus just straight up like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's either, you know, I don't know, it changes the game. Like I get the idea with umpires that people wanted everything to be correct. Uh, but you know, if they, they got rid of replay and all that stuff, you'd be like, yeah, it is what it is. Like, uh, I understand the argument against it. Replay is good. Like they, you know, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a mix, but if you're not, you're still buying people, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And our, and it might be that. I don't, I don't want my daughter to have that. I would not put that into her. I love the connection of humans. I love that. You know, it's, it's special. It's something that's like your heart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would imagine that can't, that's, that, the heart just goes away. So then you're like, what are you buying? Like you, then you can have anything. You have literally anything. You can probably 3D print a Lamborghini. So you're like, I don't get, or whatever, you know, you don't get the brain that you're like, the brain is like, the creativity is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like what's, that's what's cool is like the idea that you're going like, oh, this person thinks, I don't think like that. I love the way that guy thinks. And like, I don't, and like, so you're doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this all feels fake. Now, maybe 50 years from now, they've just been slowly brainwashed into like, this is all, you know, and then they can deal with whatever, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All they want is authentic now. Authenticity is, sells everywhere. I mean, this podcast does good with authentic, like everything entertainment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People just want to be talked to like a regular person. That's like when you see all these interviews with these coaches and like it's all the same thing and everybody's a robot in the sense of saying, I don't buy mine. And they have no real, like, just talk to us normal dude. Like, what do you just say what you want us to do? And then it's going to be fine. And that's going away. And, but that people don't like that. And so it's probably our duty as humans to be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this stuff's cool to play with and fun with, but you teach your kids like, all this stuff doesn't matter. It's like, we're here for each other as humans. And we might be fighting these dead gum things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can say like, write a description of the Nate Land podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it really just... You misspelled dust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that is crazy. Cause it does make you think, well what if, uh, yeaah, like if you, uh, yeaah, cause the thing, the world of stand up comedy has changed drastically in recent years and a big part of that is due to the rise of podcasting. In the past, stand up comedians would have to rely


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And reach people all over the world with just a few clicks. I mean, that's a true point. This has had a big impact on the stand up comedy scene. I mean, that, yeah, no, it's, it's, you would, I would read that use, but oh yeah, that's like someone wrote that. But dude, what if you find out, how long has this been around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is true that like, I wonder if that could be, you're going to be like, well, how many articles have I read?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if someone's like, yo dude, I need a, an article on the effect of podcasting on standup comedy and you just do this, you turn it in and then that's an article and there's like the whole thing's fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With quotations from Nate Bergetzi. And here we go. We've submitted it. Nate Bergetzi, a stand-up comedian, has been quoted saying podcasting has had a big effect on stand-up comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes on to say that it's given a lot of comics a chance to be heard who wouldn't have otherwise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is because as Barghetti notes, podcasting has helped connect fans with comics they may not, they might not have found otherwise. I don't even know if I've actually said this stuff or if they're making-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the fact that you can just put someone's name in and the comments and their quotes are like, if you asked me, did you say this? And you go, I don't know, you've done it. It's not like you're like, I remember this one time I said it, you're, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would he write a book? Like if it was like, if it said, uh, write a, write a book about, uh, Nate Barghetti's career.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Down to earth guy with a great sense of humor, his act is sure to appeal. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you would just keep, oh, maximum length. So you could do, is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's crazy? I've never said this. My dad was divorced. I swear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, but that's what I mean, you're creating a James Dean that's, you're using a real guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the, the savior of this, is you still want, like this is cool, but you still want to hear from a person. Like the person, you're going to relate to a person, you're not going to relate to a computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. And so if a computer tries to be relatable, it's like, now, the article thing that you just showed, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be curious to see if, if people are like, are there people that are, cause it does, like people write long articles and you're like, how are you writing these? How do you just pump it on that? Like it's like, and it's, uh, and maybe it just figures out what you think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had killed at the open mic at the local comic cup, but when he got on stage he just couldn't seem to connect with the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As he lay in bed replaying the night's events over in his head, he heard a knock at the door. He got up to answer, and there was his friend, Nate Bargetzi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also a comedian, Nate was successful and Brian was always jealous of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The two men sat down and began to talk. Brian told Nate about his disappointing set and Nate offered some words of encouragement. He told Brian that he was funny and that he just needed to keep at it. But as they talked, Brian's jealousy began to boil over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The successful comedian that he has always wanted to be. He would be famous and he would never have to worry about money again. It was all thanks to Ney Varghese, the friend who had believed in him. Even no one else did. And now he was gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I like, this is, this is, if people want to know if you ever think I've been mean to Brian, this is what Brian thinks in his head. And this is me telling him, me encouraging him and he's jealous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he wants to eventually kill me. This is a hundred percent. I mean, that's crazy. The only part was you wouldn't visit me at my house. But if you do, I have a lamp ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes his life easier, but it will water down stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If people start figuring this stuff out, you're not going to go, like the second you were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it'd be like going to see Tupac and when they did the hologram, like you're going to go the first tour to be like, everybody's kind of like, yeah, I'll go see what it is. But then like, what are you going to do? You're going to keep going. And then it's like, well, now we have Benjamin Franklin up there and he seems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a disconnect. I want to watch someone, you want to watch someone that can do something you can't do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's why you're gonna see athletes, that's why you're gonna see all this stuff and it's like you're amazed at that, like I'm not amazed that a robot could jump from the bottom, from the ground to the top of the Empire State Building. You're like, you're gonna be like, oh wow that's crazy and then if it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many times are you going to go watch it? You're like, it's a robot. You're big, you know. They make a car run fast, you know. I'm impressed by, you've seen, you've seen Bolt beating everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, well that guy's so good and he's making no mistakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the computer's making no mistakes. It's like almost would be a draw. I guess there's a little, like some, I guess computer, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He probably could. Yeaah. Yeah, so now you got a robot, you're like, Kali, it's better. He goes, ah, he's gonna, he's gonna draw a lot. He'll be closer. You're like, then what's the point of this robot? You're like, I want you to win in four moves. Yeaah, I want you to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on his side. I mean to be like, he won the first time and then the second time. Why would they not let it go? Like if you believe in your thing, it's a robot. You know, it's not like, well, he's tired. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it would be like, uh, so they could never even buzz in, cause he knows every answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Cause you can't- The computer has to know all the answers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how like people always talk about like, uh, sticks and stones, break my bones, words don't matter? Like it's funny that words are gonna kill computers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like we've actually built like a society now where you're like words are not supposed to matter. It's like, it's the actions. And then these computers are like, it's going to end up, they're just going to be canceled because they like, they can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, is there, so is your conscious, your soul, like I guess that's what. Well that's the big question. That's the big question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it still frozen? Like it's in a thing? It's just his head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they go, I'll make him fit. He cuts his head. Just do the knees or something. Like, that's the main thing, dude. We need the head attached.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is it sad with this ki- well I mean it's gonna be frustrating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and they make it seem like he wanted, uh. Well, how did it happen then, if he didn't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, so you're just a robot. And what if, what if that's aliens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're an alien and you're like, and they come here and they're like, oh yeah, we used to be. Like, what did they come here and it's like us going to a history museum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like me singing songs. I don't know what these songs mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yeah. I do that with a lot of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of songs. I've memorized the words, but I don't know, there's no meaning behind them to me. We were merely freshmen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That song. What's that for? Uh, Verpipe. That was like a song we played like our senior year. Great song. Played it funny enough as a senior year. I always thought that was funny. But we sing this song, the whole, that was like, I hear that song, my buddy Moffat, we used to go to, Jeff Moffat, we'd go to his house. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, uh, and we would listen, we would listen to that song and we'd sing it. And I still love it. When I was young, I knew everything. And Shia Punk, who rarely


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always thought, is it in Shia Punk, a rally ever took advice? That's what I was saying. In Shia Punk, who rarely ever took advice. I mean, like all this, now I'm guilt stricken, sobbing my head off. I've seen all this. I don't know what this, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no concept when I was, I'm not thinking about a story, I'm not thinking about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I'm not interested in it or if I care. Uh, I'm trying to get it, like I watched the Leonard Skinner, like some old Southern rock we were talking about this weekend. Like, I'm kind of like get one of like, you know, like I can see that music back then was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just so written out in that, like, I kind of like the, uh, I guess the art of that. I like that there's something, you know. Do you understand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just know that one part now because of the Neil Young thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, Neil Young was like, I'm pulling my stuff off Spotify because of Joe Rogan and Spotify was like, okay. Cause no one was listening to Neil Young. And then, and then someone was like, Neil Young's always been kind of like a problem like that. And then, or something. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the old sweet home Alabama, they say Neil Young something, we don't need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when I heard rebuttal, so I heard that and I like, I was like, oh, that's cool. Like, but I would have never, I mean, when I heard it my whole life, I don't, I never, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And half the cars, there's just no way. I mean, people are buying, you're, you're buying 2021, 22 cars now, 23, and they're not self-driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can do, they have some lane assist. Well, that's what I mean. Like some function. Yeah, that's it. We're getting loose here. Moving the goalposts a little bit, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Electric cars. But I think I will make sure she puts gas in the car. Like I want her to know how to do everything on her own. She doesn't even rely on anybody. Uh, stick shift. I think that's important. I want her to be able to do stuff on her own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I think I will make sure that she knows how to pump gas. Now, will she have a gas car or will it just be like, we'll buy an old truck that we have. It might be that. And then she doesn't have a gas car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe by then she could not have one. Cause it's hard to get to that point. You get to that point and they start having these cars that are like so safe and like all this other stuff and you're like why can't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want her out there like texting and all, you know, all this kind of crazy stuff that you can't always stop them. So you, yeah, then maybe there's like a Tesla or something, you know, I don't know, but I can't say that, but I mean, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're conscious, I mean, so if you're conscious as a robot, it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the robot just like, I don't, where's the plug? Every room he walks in, he asks where a plug's at. Like he goes, he goes, how you doing? Is there a plug near? And you're like, you're like, we, no one would even want to invite you. You're like, you just, you're just always, you go to a house, you plug in and you stay in that one spot. Stay in the corner. It's not even a long court.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Illinois has got to walk around with that worry of just, ah, my dad just, you know, that's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, that's it. That's it! That was fun. Uh, alright, uh, I will, like I said earlier, I will be at, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rhode Island? Rhode Island, New York, I think those shows are mo-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grab your tickets to that, especially if you didn't come to the show last time I was there. That's where I'll be. You guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. And the Common Orcs is the best. Yeaah. I'm excited everybody- Denver's one of the best comedy towns in the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's awesome. Everybody there, they're all just so great. Everybody that runs it. It's a, it's a, it's a good time. Dustin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that TJ Miller, that's why you don't want a robot. He ain't going to get another TJ Miller. That guy's the most original person I've ever met. I've known him since we started comedy over 20 or 19 years. 19 years I've known TJ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I, when I saw him the first time, I, I just thought, I've never, he was the first origin, like, I was like, this is the most original person I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should do a one on like originality, like Andy Kaufman, like I would like to really get into learn, but Andy Kaufman is, it's, it's, it's, it's crazy what he was doing. And, uh, and TJ's, TJ's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. As always, we love you. Thank you so much. Anytime you listen to this, uh, again, I try to, I've been saying more on stage and I'll say it here. Uh, I will never take this for granted that you guys, uh, listen to this. So, uh, we will keep, uh, uh, coming at it, I guess. And, uh, thank you. Love you. See you next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A regular price order of $125 or more, that is $35 off at M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N.com and use code Nate. Mizzenandmaine.com use code Nate. Also, big thank you to our new sponsor, Albert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, new year, new you, take care of your mental health with Talkspace. Visit Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month when you use promo code Nate at signup. That is $100 off at Talkspace.com, promo code Nate. And finally,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with 3 Day Blinds, they bring, uh, the show home to you. Get the 3 Day Blinds, buy one, get one for, buy one, get one 50% off deal on Custom Blinds, Shades and Drapery. For a free, no obligation consultation, just head to 3dayblinds.com slash Nate and use our code Nate. That is number 3, d-a-y-blinds.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I fell asleep and I got here and then soon I'm up. Uh, do I like, I don't know, I like snow I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my Abigail, my sister said, I mean, she was like, they got nothing in Old Hickory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to do some work. We were like, I need a, I need one to be just, you know, just right enough. Half an inch of clearance. There has to be a bridge. That's like, that's good. And he just goes all over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were, yea, I mean, it was fun being on a bus, cause it was like, you're just like, you're not having to deal with like a plane. You know, I mean, you're on a bus, so you don't want to get stuck or something, but it was, it snowed, uh, Rick here, bus driver, but I mean, he drove. He was great. Through the night, yea, he was great. I mean, we, I feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky Vento. He's just seen it all. Yeah, exactly. No, they get stuck. I mean, we got, we, you know, there's, yeah, you go drive up in Canada and stuff like that. I mean, they have to drive. The bus, you gotta drive. It's nice having a bus because it's nice just being like, all right, like I can, you know, I don't know, not going to the airport and then you're just in the bus and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you get, you just gotta get caught. I don't know if it's, if it's just me and like, if it's, I don't know, like, uh, you know what I mean? Look, I have narcos I love and like this one I just haven't started yet. You know, I'm having trouble like paying attention to them and having trouble like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Norco, but I don't know, it might just be, I don't think it's, it's like I'm just busier than I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's why people watch, you know, you go back and watch like Seinfeld and watch all these old jokes, you're like, you just like, you know, it's easy. Yup. Like alright, just put it on. Zone in and out. Zone in and out. Yeah. That's all, that's all you're trying to do. That's all we're trying to do. That's what this podcast part is. Right. That people zone in and out, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great episode, guys. The beginning was so relatable from Aaron eating a whole tray of brownies, even though he couldn't taste them, to the incredibly hilarious MRI discussion, like loading a musket to Nate's inability to stop eating sugar unless he finds out there's something seriously wrong. And Henard Cho was the icing on the cake. I look forward to listening every week, but this one was truly great. Thank you, Kristen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, number one critter. Henry Cho is very enjoyable. And now that I know how hard he worked and sacrificed prior to his family, I admire his character as well as respect his talent. He's just good people. Yep. He moved a guy. He moved everybody back here. Yeah. It's a big move. It's good. Uh, Kevin McAllister, 85.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what everybody does. Everybody calls it beanie. I like that there's a lot of toboggans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's cause it gives you, well, you drink out of it though too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eventually. It should be eventually a drinking family. That's fair. Eventually a drinking family. Watering your plants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you're like a nut job. You take your plants up there and you, you, you're staying in line with a pot. Like that's what you would be. There's a line of kids just waiting for the turns and you're like four back and you got just a plot, just a pot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you just set it up there and just turn it on and it doesn't, you gotta, you gotta bend it over a little bit cause the stream's not high enough. You get hit with some of those streams. I miss the little turn one was always good, but man, you get, you bend down and you get hit right in the forehead. Yeah, they don't have it calibrated right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, he's, he's getting better. If he slows down, if I slow down, we nail it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chase house. I noticed at his show the other night that the two guys that opened the show brought their own wireless mic. I'll say to you that Nate had a wired mic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a personal preference of Nate's or is there another reason behind it? Also I noticed everyone kept looking off to the right of the stage during their acts. Was there like a timer over there to keep track of? I don't know where, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I just have the stool and I lay the mic on the stool with my water. And so my stuff's all just kind of set there. And then, so the openers come and we just have it bring, they just bring wireless mics. Just cause mine, I do have a cord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I just do it like, it's like, so my stuff's all set up there so it's ready to go and then, uh, I come out and just grab the microphone. I like the cord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, we just did this show this weekend, uh, we didn't have, uh, this was, we have, we didn't have meet and greets. I've had some, so I did stop like doing them, uh, just cause I know some people asked, not a ton, but it was like, they're just, it became, it was just too much is the, is the main reason. It's not that I, we would, we would, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're doing two shows a lot of places. The meet and greet would take 30-45 minutes in between each show. It was just, I was doing them and it just ends up being like, it's a lot of time and it ends up being, it gets pretty hard to try to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean you can meet me now if you want me to. Yes, like you go buy a meet and greet ticket and you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just buy it on, yea, you buy, I think you buy it on their website. But I don't even know if there would be tickets for sale that are meet and greets anymore. Gotcha. Cause there are already tickets that were already announced from like COVID, before COVID. So I'm still making up some COVID shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So those shows that I'm making up, some of those still would have meet and greets. Because we were, we were doing them back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it's a first last name thing though. I'll, I'll stick with that. Maybe. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I do agree with Ken, uh, Kim Dunlap, the dental hygienist from last week, that Sour Patch Kids cause pH imbalances that can cause decay. It is my professional opinion that a life without Sour Patch Kids is not a life worth living.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Channel Zero, Nate, Batwing, and Aaron. I'm turning 40 at the end of the month and currently weighing in at 196 pounds. You've inspired me to join the challenge to hit 165. I always need something to focus on and there's a Tough Mudder in Massachusetts the same weekend as your show in June. Let's go folks. He's going to do the Tough Mudder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he's gonna try to get on channel zero. Channel zero. That's uh, channel zero. If we see him out after channel zero, he's like, he goes, channel, channel, oh, zero, four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you were trying to gain. You were trying to get to 200. You were the opposite. I think I weighed myself today. I was 180 something. I'm floating. I didn't even really started yet. Have you already started?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I went down, now I'm on the road, so once you're on the road, you're just, I can't eat, you're not eating as much, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just cause you're a go, I'll eat like during the day and then, you know, you only, I mean, your meals go down to maybe one or two. I probably eat two a day. I'll eat a bunch of junk, but it's, but it's like, I'm only eating junk. So it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where my meal comes from. So it's not eating and eating junk. It's only eating junk and then that makes you tone up a little bit. It doesn't get you down to 165.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I, I have people still come to the show and they're like, we, you know, especially when I was in Vegas, there's still people come to law shows. They're like, we didn't really know who you were. And we came. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they said they liked it. It's fun to get to perform for someone that doesn't know, you know, you gotta win them over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not the hour I'm doing now. Yeah. No. And the last one. Oh, okay. Yeah, the last one I didn't either. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the only one, the Tennessee Kid, I referenced the old, a couple of old jokes. So if you watch those, watch those two first, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My son is 10 and has written, and has written first joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My son is 10 and he has written his first, has written his first joke. He wants some professional feedback. My little, here's the joke. My little brother wants to be a stand up comedian, but he's kind of lazy. He's more of a sit down comedian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, that's not that people don't care. I think, I'm hoping people like, when they come see me it's like, you know, because I'm bringing a lot of comics from, that I started with and all that kind of stuff and so people find out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I, you know, when I opened for Chris Trockham, I saw a lot of people come to shows and that's where they saw me. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think, the one thing that I want to try to do is like, be able to like put, like I said, if we ever get video on some of these screens, be able to put like, whoever the opener is, is like, there's social media and stuff like that for people to follow. You know, people gotta remember their names and usually I try to post like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, I'll post something maybe today, like, you know, for the weekend, like, ah, thanks for blah blah blah, and list the two comics that came out of me. And that's what you do. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I, I mean, I hope. Well, who's the Oprah's? I don't think that's ever been. Well, who's the Oprah's? Because I don't know. Uh, uh, Alex, Alex's, Alex's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't heard, sometimes you have to wear it, they won't let you in. Like, I don't think I've had trouble this time around, but I've had it plenty. I mean, I think one time in Chicago- The Vic. The Vic, the guy, I mean, I was like, I had to show my ID and then they had to go get somebody. And before he wouldn't let me back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, well, how did you get in? Like he, I was at my own show and they didn't even let me in. Hannibal walked in like five people and they just let Hannibal in. I was like, how did you get in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had, uh, I was trying to think, where were we at? We had a bunch of places. Lexington? Lexington, Kentucky was great. All of them are great. Uh, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cincinnati was great. Chicago and then, uh, Davenport, Iowa last night. Uh, Chicago is special because we, that's where I started, you know, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where I started comedy. I don't know, some of those people don't know that, but I did. I moved to Chicago. I'm just going to be listening here. I've talked about it. I moved to Chicago first, me and Michael Clay, and we go there and we were doing it. Uh, I did comedy there for about a year and a half with Hannibal and Pete Holmes and Kumail Najiani. A lot of them were in the Chicago scene. Uh, TJ Miller. And so we, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were there and so like going back to Chicago was like pretty special. And then, uh, after the show we went to Jake Melnick's. And I had, uh, Jim Roth, I did a comedy class called Comedy College.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he still teaches a class and that's a class I took in Chicago. He came to the show, Steve Berger, another buddy of mine that was in my comedy class when we first started came to the show. It was, it was really, really cool. And then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Liz Zimbri with all her friends, Saul, Nicole, uh, but they, uh, I, but like they, it was like, it was neat to get back and see, uh, you know, and I don't know, just like in Chicago. Then we went to Jake Melnick's, the restaurant I worked at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, we went back out there afterwards and hung out. And I hung out with, we had, uh, a few people that we worked with, uh, came up there and we all just sat back in the back and like, just talked about working there. I mean, it was 20 years ago. It was 20 years ago, uh, to the, to the now, exactly. 2002 is when we started working there. And, uh, and so 2022, yeah.