[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Buy this kid a new bat, dude. God damn. He wasn't big enough to hold any, to hold a heavier bat. Who knows? He couldn't swing a heavier bat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uncut champs, uncut champs. You were really good. You, let's, let's just, I mean, let's just go to another sport real quick. You were, I'm going to build you up cause you're my team. Okay, I'm going to gas you up a little bit. Pickleball. Because you were good at soccer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like really fucking good at soccer. Guys like me, I couldn't play soccer. I was not fast enough. I didn't have the wind. Okay? I'm a 40 year old pickle baller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, we both dropped around the same time. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. You know you can do all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you do get a chance to pick your seats, so you don't have to sit there if you're not ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you engaged? I think that I'm just basically speaking out of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, I enjoyed that part. Yes, it was, it was thrilling when the ball would come to your part of the stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll call you afterwards. I'll let you know, man. It's cool name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, I'm happy to get out there, man. I'd be happy to play ball with you all, and I know I'm the best one here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, you're talking specifically 2002 Oakland Athletics, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you are. You are. That was a special couple years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no soundboard today because, uh, young Blakey is... You are so dumb! ...missing in action.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't, they don't help with the kids or they're, cause your parents are a little older. Is it hard for them to keep up with the youngins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my parents are, cause I waited so long to, not so long, but like, I don't have kids yet, and my parents are starting to get a little older, and I'm like, I think they're past the point of really wanting, they want to have grandkids, but like, they don't want to deal with a little ass kid. They don't want to chase them around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In there, and so by the time I was knowing who the hell that one was, she was super old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My grandmother had my mom at 40, yea. Is she, was she just a throwback having a kid very old? She was the, the youngest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she was the youngest. It was like, uh, whoopsies. Right. Uh, it was a whale. And, uh. And how's the genetic trauma with that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a whole other episode. Well, yeaah, oh, Kyle. Thank you. Thank you, Kyle. Hey, welcome back. You've been gone for a month. Thank you. Having a meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice dude. Hey, fucking arugaloids unite. Cool. Your, your king is eating, uh, is eating your snacks. I'm eating a cucumber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we haven't. This is the first time I've heard someone say this before. And I think a little bit bullshit, but it's sort of like if your mom... No! No, dude, think about it. Well, if your mom is like an anxious person...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so explain that to me, cause I don't, I guess I don't even know what the fuck that even means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah. That's, that's his house. He's just got a new little setup. It seems... Nah. But the hunting hat and the no shirt... Seems like he threw it together. This is not his normal. Well, he, are you still not running AC? What's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Fievel Goes West or American Tail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, give us that hot gauze, dude. Two months later, baby. Who was the hottest dude there that you saw that just stopped your heart?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh sure, I met him a few times, yeaah. He's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A soft tissue issue. You went to a doctor, you got a cat scan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, so, and is this, was this like a badass point that you were diving for, or this is Old Man Injury 101?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who were you wearing? Who were you wearing? Oh, so it's a little tighter than...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that you were eating snacks in your cool, uh, slow motion photos that they take at the Emmys. I thought that was tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a bagel. Yes. Oh. Correct? I believe so, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's very- Well, I definitely don't think it is a charity. Here's what I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so, so there's like, you could just be like a rich guy from, uh, Alaska who's just like, you know what, I'm going to this party and you pay a thousand dollars and you go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all. That's it. Is Matt kind of a dick, Kyle? Or what's the deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he's nice to you. He wasn't nice to, uh, our friend Anders. Well, I'm Kyle's best friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get to meet him with you, great. He's like, good, I'm gonna shun him again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember we were outside, Blake remembers this, we were outside some house and we were pissing in a bush and then you get mad and like try to tackle me and you're like, you're pissing too close to my friend!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was like, I'm, I'm his new friend now. Back up off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not that guy, pal, trust me. Yeah, he was like, mmm, never, never seen it, not a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That time, it was at a, I think it was at a Comic Con party, and I met Rob McElhaney. Then I don't remember. Don't remember. Yeah, well, for sure. I definitely don't, barely remember, but only because Rob sort of shunned me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like talking to Charlie Day. Whoa, Sunnybeef. Damn, this is gonna go viral, bro. It was like, hey, do you know Rob? And I'm like, oh, hey man, great to meet you. I'm sure it was more like, Robby, baby. Right, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember being so bummed, uh, and then I remember being like, I guess I don't like him. And then later talking, like months later talking to Charlie, and uh, he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, he had no idea. Oh yeah. Who you were within that moment. And I think he just saw your guys' dicks. Oh yeah, my bitch!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this something like- This is just your buddy Pat's list that he made in his basement?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was great live. I was not feeling that. I thought it was an absolutely insane song to bust out. I like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disagree, keep it short. Make it All Star Weekend. Just say you get 30 seconds, say thank you, or get 30 seconds and if you want to do a quick 30 second song, I guess okay. Do a sketch! Yeaah, do a song!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Will Arnett, Will Arnett. I'm sorry, I was getting the Oscars and the Emmys confused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's, that's on, that's on, that's on Will. He should have pulled him off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you have to get up. That's right, that's right. But they should have talked about it. They're a duo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys see the celebrity beef that I was embroiled in the last few days?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it happens all the time, and I have a joke about it in my special how someone in the audience thinks they're at an Adam Levine show and they think, my god, he looks horrible, did he gain 60 pounds and lose 11 inches?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and then it went fucking nuclear, dude. Like the craziest post I've ever posted. My boy went viral. Has like six or seven hundred thousand fucking likes on Instagram and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should have branded a bunch of things, like, on the side of the post.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have the boys some clout, baby. Jaguar. Mhm. Samsung televisions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we need is debate. And then now I'm getting like weird backlash hate of people being like, how dare you, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maroon 4. I remember I one time was at that Halloween party and he was sitting at the bar and I go to him and I'm like, hey man, my name's Adam Devine, it's one letter away from yours, I always get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, that people mistake, they accidentally put my name instead of yours. Sorry dude, I'm jet lagged right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, uh, I'm like, you have to get that sometimes too, right? I get, I get at you all the time. And he goes, literally never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And that was it. And then there was no other, there wasn't more of the conversation even a little bit. And I was like, very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get it. Hey, you know what? Apologies, uh, Adam Levine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. Well the, the bummer is, uh, uh, it's not a bummer, it's, it's, it's awesome. My, Adam Ray, my friend is getting married, I'm in the wedding, I'm going to, uh, the wedding, but it is the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, for sure. Grandma is probably gonna come dressed as a bird loving grandmother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, you could do an Arbor Day. Yea, that's a great one. Do an Arbor Day and then do it in the Redwood Forest. Thank you. Okay. Hey, guess what? We're honoring the trees, getting married here under this beautiful big ass tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, no, no, it's cause, it's cause you're, you're not going to, to, eh, a Ray's wedding because of it being on Halloween. You want to spend it, and Halloween's important to your kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it out of work. No, no, no, I get it, I get it, but I get, I get Halloween because people have kids and kids love Halloween and it's important to them to go trick-or-treating and shit. Right, right. Uh, but no one gives a shit about... Arbor Day? Easter? Like no one gives a shit about Easter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was a big deal. Dude, I guess what, I'm Christian as fuck, dude. I'm so Christian, I'm Catholic. That's even more Christian. Never stops talking about it. That's even more Christian than just regular Christian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, there's like white rabbits, like that's cute. That goes with like a wedding theme. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of boats have two of them. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm embarrassed for him. It's all good. I'm embarrassed for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he busted it out and for sure it was warm, it was hot. And so he was, he immediately regretted it. I get that. I never regret fuzzball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you beat up a special needs kit, Anders?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe, maybe it's different in California, but I will say in the Midwest, no one gives a shit about swimming. It's so far down the rung of sports that you even care about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dutters. But this is high school, so not a lot of them are that shredded yet. Exactly. It was just me. Oh, that's what it is. Ders, were you the only one that swam collegiately from your high school? That means college, right? I don't know. Good word, Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there was some, there was some like really great, uh, baseball players and really great, uh, football players at my high school. So there would be like weird guys that would just come that are not affiliated with the school at all that are like just 50 year old men who like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either went to the school years and years and years ago or just like came around because they heard they like watching the sport. Were there ever like weird guys at the side of the pool just watching you stroke that water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Swam at the collegiate level, uh, Wisconsin, big school, so you like, it was a real swim, it was a real thing that you were doing. But you, it's not like you were an Olympian, you know what I mean? It's not like you were a goalie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Walk right up to the biggest swim meet in the fucking country and stand right by the pool. Stand on the deck. People love him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always just thought, uh, swimmers were long and lean. That's true. Like torpedoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Yeaah, dude. Kevin is not just not that tall, he's very small. Yes. I tower over him and I'm pretty small. These are things I'm not denying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to be able to do backflips and shit. If Kyle had to do gymnastics that means you had to do gymnastics, Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the one I could do is where I tuck my one leg back. It's like the jazz splits. So it's not a full...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're basically kind of landing on your leg. Yeah, it's Rockstar Splits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tore my meniscus at our house, I believe on my 21st birthday. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50 yard dash, mile, and shuttle run. I love that Dyrth remembers it. I just remember like sitting reach and pull ups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Sure, but you're still like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I don't know, I'm not around kids, I'm asking you guys. Because I was thinking that today, like all the dumb shit I would do, like, I would collect all of like my baseball and basketball cards, and then for fun, I would like put, I would categorize them differently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the, for hours. Depending on the day, it'd be like, hey, I'm doing, I'm doing all tops and all Don Russ together. And then it'd be like, I'm gonna go put all the players together. And then it's like, I'm doing alphabetical order or whatever the fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck? I loved that shit. And that was like my fun thing for the day. My dad thought I was a psychopath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I bet now, if you just gave me an iPad and I was the same age, I'd just be playing for a game or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, steal the bacon. No, like what grade? We play king of the mountain a lot on like this snow, uh. Let's go grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy that that was just the name of the game and we all called it that and you never thought of it being a bad name. It was just like the name of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that game was invented in the 50's when queer meant different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember playing one day and I was wearing a tee shirt that was my favorite shirt. It was a shark attack shirt and then there was holes ripped out on the side like a shark


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's already like a shark bite on it. It for sure wasn't that great. I think I just made it to the end zone twice in the game and normally I think I got my ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we play with, with, with like little uh, safe zones, like touch zones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you should know, Blake. You obviously used the same one, dude. Bend over, show me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I guess everybody's scared to play. And Blake was really bad at the game. They kept throwing this ball at us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why you always call me the tech boy. I'm not the tech boy anymore. I just. Sorry. Tech man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, well hopefully my audio stream changes now. Okay. Okay, great. So that's okay. Cool. So my audio stream is coming in clear right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello. Uh, I do find myself making that choice to not correct those things now. In like professional situations. Yeaah. To just let that go. It's very hard to just let that go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not how it works. Go ahead. You mean it broke it in or it broke it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those were Facebook days. I wonder, yeah, we all had to agree on it because it cost dough, dude. We didn't have the dough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was, I can't remember if there was two, there wasn't two, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do everything yourself, very easy to steal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they- no, but they did! Ders reminded me of the burritos, like, you're talking about the grill packs and I'm thinking about the burritos now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what is this now? Sorry, you know, I'm just, I'm visiting Canada. What's going on up there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know they're a ball, but their tails are tied? It's just their tails are tied together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bowl cut in seventh grade? That was more like a butt cut and not like the bowl. Two thousand and late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I was jumping in, maybe I was eight, you know, but third grade I think I had the bowl. I definitely had the tail when I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, interesting. Just so it wouldn't, it wouldn't close. That's wild that you couldn't have an earring if you were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were specifically like a Raiders parka. I have it in my head. I remember when those...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like thin crust. I'm a big thin crust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine how white your head is. At seven? No you didn't, don't lie to us, don't lie to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a week it's been. It's been one week since you looked at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean I used to wear like vintage t-shirts that I would find at like thrift stores of like a, uh, like Sadie Hawkins dance from like 1983. Like old t-shirt that I'm like, this is kind of funny, you know? I mean ironic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there were cool, uh, there were like, homers, which was like a cool record store in Omaha, but for the most part, especially when we were like, younger, like 14, 15,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we saw her at a, uh, like a soccer, uhm, tournament. Sure. And I remember thinking, and she came up and was talking to me, and then I remember thinking the whole time, like, she's gonna wanna see my dick. Science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The movies at the mall I liked because then your mom could go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she would, she'd bail to go to her JCPenney's to try on her blouses, or get her hair did, or whatever she was doing at the mall, and you, and then you're, you're able to go, uh, get your fucking red Robin, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, mine was student council and, uh, and, uh, drama and improv and that kind of stuff. That's how I got to know over kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first one. It was like a lot of, there was a Chinese restaurant that they just like didn't care what the shit we did. So like we, we, you could get a plate of fried rice for 80 cents. You would just eat a fucking bucket of fried rice and sit there and then sit there for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The basic sensory function of MSG is attributed to its ability to enhance savory taste, active compounds, when added in the proper concentration.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because it's, it, it does, it like truly makes you addicted to that thing. It must, you know how salt. It's like an additive that isn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That isn't an actual food. So, so I think people were like turned off by it. Maybe there's a medical issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we, we, it was a lot of like hanging out at like Chinese restaurants like that, or there, do you guys remember fazoles? Which was like fast Italian food? And they would give you, uh, if you would buy like, it was like a 3.99 cent salad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, because they all got the Oculus Rifts and it's too good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would just buy a new TV. I remember specifically on multiple occasions a TV repairman coming to the house. I remember our VCR breaking. My dad took it to the VCR repairman. That's fucking weird. That doesn't fucking exist anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents threw away, on their move, they moved to Lake of the Ozarks from Omaha, Nebraska. On their move, they threw away all their old VHS's. Cause I was like, oh maybe, I was like, let me dig through your old VHS's when I was at home visiting them this past year. And, uh, they had none. I was pretty salty about it. They didn't have this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because my grandfather, uh, or my step-grandfather, he was a golfer, and so we had a bunch of dwarf on golf, like tapes around, and he'd be like, here, watch this, and leave us alone, and then I'd watch it, and I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are there any take backs, any giveaways, any epic slams this, uh, this pod? It's been a while since we've epic slammed anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were talking about Chinese food so much that I swear to God my house smells like Chinese food. I'm the only one here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like immediately, like who's the most pumped? Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, you can summon Corki Romano that quick?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you kidding me? The only reason he's underrated is because he had to live in the shadow of Will Ferrell. But other than that, he was, he was the headliner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Undercover brother? This dude is killing it, dude. Of course we need to talk about that. We always need to talk about undercover brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, no, Chris Katana's kinda making a push right now. He's been in some things, like he's in... It's all reality stuff, but he was like in... Like Dancing with the Stars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he was also on the new dating game, which was bazaar. Hosting? No, he was a contestant. You could win a date with Chris Catan. Oh, that's tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was Mr. Peepers, right? I think we've covered Katan before on the pot. Then how is he still alive?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. Damn. You're saying we've covered him? May he be dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Well, alright. Well, Adam's not here, so this would be probably the time when he was frickin' chippin' in about Katana and how he influenced his comedy. Jesus. Guy basically ripped all Katana's moves, if you ask me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roast back on Comedy Central. Right. And they need to kick it off with the roast of Adam Devine. That would be sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bad, my bad. I just got a clock in for a damn hour and I'm already asleep at the wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks, I'll just, uh, yeaah, I'll kinda sip my coffee and you do the rest, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check a look. Yeah, so I'm reporting live. Okay, let's hear it fellas, but I'm recording. Check a look. In the closet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude. This is just where it lives. But you're right. Yeah, Budweiser sent me this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, uh, cool, cool Budweiser costume. So this is probably exactly why they did it. They knew one day I would be in the closet doing a podcast and I would pull this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you guys, do you guys think we could kinda get a few things, uh, on cam and I could kinda depop, raffle these off to people? You know? Like anybody wanna buy a Budweiser costume?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not you guys. I'm asking the audience if it starts at $50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you want to buy the Halloween costume? I'll say, I'll buy it for Fish Box, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, parts on TV. Cause I don't really remember what that movie was about. It's underrated. Tell you that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, what's up with buff comedians? Speaking of Adam, Jesus Christ. Speaking of them. This is the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for $50 you could have this Budweiser Halloween costume. That's $20 guaranteed up front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well he rewatches all of his highlights over and over and over again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like this idea. If it doesn't exist, we might have a gold mine. And where does it stop? Can you do four people? That's what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like being, like stage diving into a crowd and they're just pushing you across the entire sea of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it, no, not really, I, I, you don't really feel the individual hands when you're, when you're growing, going across that sea of, sea of hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what about the feet? That's the one massage I like. I don't like massages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a bangla-dash, bangla-dash massage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Bangladesh, for sure, it's gotta be. Bangladesh got the best alphabet. Sick. The Bangladesh font? Bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No points! Wait, have you guys ever done, uh, acupuncture?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happens when the toxins start to release during acupuncture? Is that just farting and stuff? Was that what it was for you, Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No doubt, no doubt. Very infamous, like really gnarly dude. I think he killed like a lot of people, but when they like, when they like x-rayed him, I don't know if it was his corpse or it was just when he finally got captured or arrested or whatever and they examined his body, they found like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, everything's been done, because you had, somebody had to find out that it was even possible, right? Right, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were two like punk dudes. I don't know if they got hit with the ooze, but they were definitely people on earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I always had assumed that the reason that they were not the bad guys in that was that maybe...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they- they couldn't, uhm, make Rocksteady look-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look right, like a rhino head seemed really hard to make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just thought maybe they like tried to make them and then it just looked really fucking stupid and they're like, we, we gotta come up with a different-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then Casey Jones straight up crushes him in the fucking garbage can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, no, they're dumb because I did it. I did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like this dude with like skin over his mouth and like blades coming out of his hand. Like it wasn't right at all. Like sometimes Hollywood just- Now they're kind of learning their lesson on like no matter how much the audience knows like the, the uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The property, you gotta service it correctly. Cause somebody's gonna be mad at you. Like the fact that they had Deadpool the character in a Wolverine movie and he was just a complete fucking whiff of a character was just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first one Hugh Jackman ever did, the main bad guy was Deadpool, and it was Ryan Reynolds, but it had nothing, no like Deadpool anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the whole thing about Deadpool is he never like shuts up and I think maybe they didn't want to give like Ryan Reynolds lines? Ryan Reynolds lines? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they sealed his mouth and then they made like knives coming out of his hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, now I feel like, well, with like COVID and all that shit, so many movies got held for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, and they could've like re-tinkered, like, didn't I hear that the Top Gun movie's finally coming out? And that shit was done in like 2019.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has to fly the fucking plane, like goddamn man. That's fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Evil Knievel movie where he plays Evil Knievel and really does stunts. They're doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it with Tom Cruise? No, but it's with somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. Do you want, are you using real Beagles and they're doing real stunts? And is PETA gonna come after you? Or is this animated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wouldn't let go. Were you talking about the dog licking your butthole? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever been attacked by a dog, Kyle? No. Ever in your life? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was really young, I remember going over to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ever since I've kind of been a little bit afraid of dogs. It didn't like break skin or anything, but it was definitely like in my face going like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, yeaah, I handled the situation totally wrong, like first off I don't think you should freak out and just like run away from the dog. Start crying. Because then I think you're like playing. Yeaah, then I'm like crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, if a dog like bites a little kid on the face, that's so fucked up. That's just, that's just like my worst nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well what, you need to punk your dog, dude. Be like, YOU WANNA YELL?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you know what's about to have some drops on it that I need to go? I need to dissect that, uh, Johnny Depp court case. I know there's some good shit in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe. I don't know, there- we're not gonna- there's a lot of viral moments, I just don't know. I- I don't know, I gotta kinda comb through it. Where can I watch the court case?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many days are left with that trial? It's gotta be close to over, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's good. I was gonna think it was like slicing dice, but that doesn't make any sense, does it? Well, how'd it go in there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to apologize for getting a little stage fright on my Johnny Depp. It came out hot. It was really good. It was outstanding. Thanks, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, and also I'd love to keep plugging Woke Season 2 on Hulu. Tune in if you haven't watched it. It's a great program.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I saw a tweet where it was like, adults who go to Coachella are the same as like Disney adults. It's the same breed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like famous Maui residents or something like that, right? Aren't they, like, known for just being, uh, yeaah. Super beach people. The it couple of, uh, Hawaii. Mahalo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got it for when we're dining outside and we're dining outside there's like bees sometimes so I got it for that and I'll just be like, boys duck, duck and cover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it knows exactly what it's doing. Is this a thing that happens to everybody else on the cast too? Or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I finally went and saw, uh, everything everywhere all at once. Have we talked about this on the podcast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. There are very workaholics-esque go there set piece joke things. I like this take. I like this take. Fight scene, Kyle? The fight scene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would know it from like a Christmas story when the bully kid shows up, they play the wolf music. They do, yeaah. It's iconic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't there a version where there's someone telling a story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is so wild. But what's crazy is, people can post onto your timeline or whatever, right? Facebook sucks. I don't know. Facebook fucking sucks. I remember going on and being like, what are all these things on my timeline that other people posted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, flip a switch to stop that. But yea, that's why I dipped. Facebook got so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just trying to do too much. Instagram's like, you post a, a picture or a video. And then even they, when they came with stories, I was like, I'm never going to do this. And then because we do this every week, I'm like, all right, I'm going to promote so that my timeline isn't just like our faces constantly. I'm like, that's what I'm going to do with stories. And now I'm hooked. Now I'm hooked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow dude. And I told you I said this is gold. I just wouldn't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A stage big enough for a pickleball court. Ooh. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With beans, there's beans. You can, uh, there's like a photo booth with like, cardinals that get a shit on you, and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love it! What else, what else, what else, what else, what else? What else, what else, what else? What else, what else, what else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, go ahead. Maybe legit local restaurants that make this kind of thing and you're hitting the raising canes, like is raising canes better than like Jim Bob's Chicken Shack?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know, but like, I'm saying like, if you're down there, isn't like, the other, like, this is a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there another place that you went to that maybe we can franchise?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it was one million degrees out, right? Yea. Yea, and we'd be on dress skis. That was like a health thing, they were like, so everyone you have to drink or else we gotta close down. Did we have liquid IVs at the time? Shout out. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone wants to- Okay, okay. We're gonna have the address go across the bottom of the screen right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, let's do 10 minutes on just like, just the end of a podcast. Like, you think about the end of a podcast is like, it's so different than the beginning for me. I agree. There's a come down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't like the setup. I didn't like the setup. There was too much shit between us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was reading like a, one of those catalogs that comes to your house and it has like a picture of a woman with like the one on her neck, you know, and she's just like enjoying the vibration. And then it says like, there's like a quote from a, you know, like someone who bought it and her name is Gina, but I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she kills it. Mo? She was on our show. She sure was. Mo Collins. She came in hot. I love when we had guest stars who brought heat. They've been posting that picture of, uhm, dude whose name escapes me right now, but he was the junkyard owner. He was on- Oh, Mel. Oh, Mel Rodriguez. Mel Rodriguez. That's fucking sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who just brought HEAT and was doing all sorts of weird shit? LIGHT SAM-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. What do you mean? I saw pictures and I'm like, wow, you clean up nice and then you just had like the leather satchel on top of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, and he makes- he makes good stuff. I just didn't know if it was- It doesn't know- I don't know if it was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Connect, like this seven-point connected man's-atchel. And it's just kind of... Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wore that into a bank, security should stop. People think it's a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and shout out to, uh, the guy who played Waymond in Everywhere, All at Once, whatever. Uh, Goonies, from Goonies fame. He's short round and from Goonies and his voice is iconic. As soon as you hear him talk, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. Wait, wait, gotta see it. Gotta see that movie. We gotta know from our producer data. Yes, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, his whole thing, he's kinda like a Baltimore legend, I heard. He like just kinda hangs out, he's a scene-ster, just supposedly like a cool, weird dude. I've never been in a room with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think if you like, are from there and you're down, it's like, you really fall in love with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no way he made a billion dollars. I bet my life on it. I'll seppuku right here if I'm wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's like if you're like, dude, I'm, I'm, I'm on the fucking edge. I need to go now. I need it in the next two hours. I need it now! Film me, cause this may pass. I'm hard now!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess that's kind of, with most documentaries, it's after all the smoke has cleared and they want to just like tell their side of the story, but I feel like if, it must have came out before like Twitter was super hot, cause now if a good doc comes out, that shit goes mad viral, everybody watches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't go to the- But it got dark. Tickled, with no clothes on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it was bad. It was me and you in a room with Dennis Haskins. Oh yeaah. Mr. Belding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, remember Adam we also did that fucking weird ass sketch comedy thing that was called 72 Virgins and it was about these two like frat bros.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but I think what it was, like a lot of that stuff was practical, right? Like when they were like running down the hallways, that's all like wire work and shit. It's not necessarily all CGI and like the cameras that spin around was like a real like technology they developed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's for boy Jimmy. I think we may have like brushed upon it like a long, long, long time ago, but... Points!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. I listened, I listened to the Matrix soundtrack, I'm a good guy, alright, and I think it still goes hard, and I'm not gonna about to put it on a PA system and hurt people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if soundtrack is a top 10 soundtrack for sure. All time. And by the way, what's, uh, nobody touch...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's also not fair, that's hindsight. What the fuck does that mean? I agree, I'm just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're talking about, um, shit, what's it called? Not like renegades or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the, what's that, oh man, Ateeba would kill me. There's this reggae movie where it's like all like the greatest, it's like the most legendary reggae movie ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, Rockers Rocks. I like how you're like, I don't know what it is. If you haven't seen it? No, I forgot the title. I thought it was Rippers is Rockers. Yeah, fair enough. But it's like super, super legendary. Rippin' in the Rockin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's one of the top ten greatest most influential soundtracks ever. So I'm doubling down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so nervous and I just was farting so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was way off. It's one of the ones with the hard, it's got the hard plastic on the outside. You know the hard shell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta have a roller, for sure. Yea, get a roller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But is it a DWI? What's the difference between a DUI and a DWI? I think your D-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No thank you. Ders, just let him clean. Just let him come in and clean that fucking hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what the Mexican- These guys are joking, but I'm being serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did he come into the door? There are keys. There are specific keys. How did he come into your room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude, I'm down in Burbank. I'm chilling at my brother's house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice dude. So you're in, you're not in a trailer, you're in an RV. I'm in a, I am in a trailer. No, this is a trailer. It's a toy hauler. It's a, like, it's what he takes to the, he puts his motorcycles in here. Like dildos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Oculus have a seat in the car or no? Well he's got, I gotta sleep on the couch, man. I don't really wanna sleep on the couch. This has a bed. Because he's got the other kids, the kids got their beds, he's got his beds, I'm not gonna sleep like head to toe with my bro, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this is it, dude. I'm not here. But this place right, where I am right now is actually the where we were when uhm, my wife's water broke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, so much, so much. But I was nervous and I was very scared because we were displaced because of the fires too. I was really under the gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were bleeding out of your butt? Yup. I barely heard you, Adam, but I know that it's exactly true. Air babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, dude it was fucking hilarious. And it was so funny. Hilarious. Well that's when I knew when shit got real cause she was laughing up until we were on the way to the hospital and I was still farting and then she started to get really mad at how


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was just, it was what it was, man, and I remember it vividly, you know. It's a bagel, baby. When did the farting stop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wild man, wild. What is it, television? Univision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The shit that they film. You're just talking, you're just talking IA though, out here, like whoever Ayatzi is in Mexico. Is it the same?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember the time when we were shooting and we were driving and then the cops like somebody like ran a red light or there was what it was and they couldn't. We had to stop production because they were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We never went- we never went and found that, did we? I don't think we ever-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I kick it on Google Earth all the time and just fucking walk around, dude. You guys don't do this just to pass time or something? Nothing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's two different stories. This one, we were playing- Same guy. Yeah, this one, the, the- Same guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it ain't yummy, I know, but I mean like that, those times are actually pretty yummy in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you would cut off the bottom of a two liter and put the bowl on top of it with the foil and then fill your fucking sink with water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The belly button is the true cum gutter of the body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, what was his, what was his workout routine? What was his video? I just remember his head didn't look like it was part of his body. It looked like it was clip-arted on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I like that. But, John based out, he wasn't, uh, who was the dude Billy Blanks? He did the, uhm, the karate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tybo. Which was a game changer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was John Basetow? He was just like, git like me? Or did he have the rack, or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids commercials for toys used to be so sick where they would show like the action figures doing things they for sure didn't do and they definitely got your boy a few times. But they had to start saying like, this is not what the toy does at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, remember they would set up like huge things for G.I. Joe's going down like zip lines and shit and now they have to say like doesn't come with the zip line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] FUCK! Spent the whole goddamn time, goddamn time setting up the war?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, do they have to do that for food too? Because like, whoppers don't look like what they look like in the commercial. Does it have to say like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're at a bus stop and we do a straight up Carl's Jr. commercial where it's like, there's a girl at the bus stop and she's like, nice buns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you couldn't do a big bite, you had to kinda like, just kinda, just take a little nibble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It was piss- piss me the fuck off, I'll tell you what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I have either. And you know me. You know that I would and I haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, you want us to guess or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tostada is just the, it's just the flattened taco. It's just a shell that's flat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Tostada is a flat, is a flat tortilla, like crispy tortilla with everything packed on top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that is not a tostada, that is a taco salad in a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a taco salad. Which by the way, did you guys hear the HUGE news in Mexican fast food? Yes. Should we tell them? Should we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's fuckin' cool. Like, for real stairs? On stairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how much, maybe Taco Bell wasn't even paying her, maybe she was just so fucking hyped on hearing, like, through the wire that the pizza is coming back, but she announced Mexican pizzas are back at Taco Bell. Everybody, get out there, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did it have the lime sauce? Did it have the lime sauce?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so dope, man. I hope Kevbo gets to write more movies after this as well, cause...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we haven't talked about a lot of stuff. It was crazy, like being in sort of that pod stasis, cause you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you don't realize the pace of the breakneck speed at which news comes at you now and the shit that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does that train your penis to do though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, uhm, is it ultra-violent? Is it, is it intense?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is bizarre. You're that into egg hunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just, it's become a tradition that I tap in with now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I've only seen it once. It's fucking, it's just super brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, you get the rock to be Jesus in a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll bail all the time. I need to get Colin Farrell on here too, from his sex tape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Well that's another thing that happened while we were off pod. What? The Tom and uh, wait, what's, Tommy Lee and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys remember the first time you saw that video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude, there's a few out there. There's a few legendary sex tapes on the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it gets a pretty legendary shout out in your wedding episode of Workaholics, so there was some truth to that, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's wild. So he just hooks you with like this funny little romantic comedy and then three quarters through the movie it's a fucking scene where a kid falls out a window? Right. No, no, no, no. It's like a passionate...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a great, that's a great pull. That's a great pull. But anyway, there's a moment in the movie where there's like this ghost outside the window, where the baby's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do anything for love. That was a pretty- that would be a good revisit show. It might be a little sad now. Whitney was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like singing like the national anthem, which one was that? Was that a Super Bowl? Oh my god, that shit is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I wore that. Probably at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, I would hope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really, I was a Maya guy. A Maya child. I was a child of Maya. I thought she was such a babe. I still think she's a babe. She's so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot for, for, for the entire, not just musically, but just as like a visual artist, Lil' Kim is the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do have the bear coat. I have to, I don't have to, I have the honor of throwing out the first pitch at the Oakland A's game this weekend. What? And I'm wondering if I should...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the barricade doing it, but I'm a little concerned at just throwing the ball normally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll give a special shout out, uh, well, one to the A's. Thanks for having me. Hopefully it's a success. By the time you guys listen to this, I will have thrown the pitch, so I hope it went well. Is it gonna be a legit throw or goofy fun? I'm trying to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, see, but that gives me a padding where I can be like, I was joking. It was a joke, you bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, if they ask me for a catcher, I'll see what he can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well my final shout out will go to everybody watch Woke Season 2 now on Hulu, baby. I've watched the season, I'm, I love it, man. I thought it turned out really, really good and I would love for everybody to go view that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this, you know what's wild about, these are Funko Pops, right? These are Funko Pops that Durs is unpacking and they are beautiful. Should I unbox? You should probably unbox them. I'll save them for later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, actually, I do want to talk about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just cry in person. We got an email from Funko and they laid out all our characters for approval.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sent us, all three of the workaholics crew, we're in our ties, we got like our little red solo cups and stuff, and then, so it's like Blake, Adam Durs, and then the fourth one is just Kyle Nuacek. Yeah. And it's like Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went back to them, I'm like, make it Carl, make it Carl, and let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like that just deaded it. They just pulled Kyle up entirely and never made it. Yeah, I think it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's your name? Maybe I've never seen this. What's your character's name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, two hundred. Sixty-nine!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, huge fan of Mountain Dew. Sometimes brands swing and miss, and I think I'm predicting a miss here, but maybe I take a sip and I am one over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mouth really hurts already. From what? I got a little bit on my tongue. Oh, so you're a bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That boy scrubs. Is he swishy or he walk? Like, strutty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you bring this to the mall with half vodka in it. Half vodka?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't, we can't, we can't go luggage again guys. I'll quit the pod. I'll quit. I'll walk out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually the donut shop I went to most recently. It's called Donut King, and it's in Burbank, and it rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know what donuts are now? I was thinking maybe it was a chocolate bar. Or Long John. Where was it? He would have said chocolate bar. Okay, okay, okay, if you're gonna grill me. Dough. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it a cake donut or was it a- What's the other one then? What's the other one? Yeah, you tell me. It's like the- I think it's like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cake are the dense ones, and then the other ones are the sourdough. Like a powder. Yes. It soaks up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was wrong what we did to you though. Oh really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A toilet donut. No. Eat a donut that's been soaking in a toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, that would be a dream. I love Steve Harvey, he's such a good host.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's science. Uh, if you have time though, go on YouTube and just watch, like, Steve Harvey, like, greatest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, cause he will, a lot of the stuff he does doesn't make it to air, cause he'll like roast people for like upwards of 15 minutes, and it is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, I heard that like, shoot days go really long because Steve loves to joke with the audience. And he'll like- My daughter's birthday was today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. She's got a point. She's got a point. Bro, you don't tell Monique to stop. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, she is. She was queen of comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, fancy. Is that, you have to wear like 3D glasses for that? I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I would love to. You don't think Cocktail is his best movie ever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's not in Jaws. The Australian bro is so cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Truly do not like this beverage. I love Mountain Dew, but this flavor, I can't even f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello! Hello! I would like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would stick my dick in that can. I would fuck that. We should do a game where you have to guess whether it's an Axe body spray flavor or a Mountain Dew flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, this could be a sequel to Cocktail. This could be a scene in Cocktail. Yeah, I like that. I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you know what a song I have that like, when I hear it, it just puts a smile on my face? It is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that comes on in the grocery store, I'm dropping the milk and I am dancing a little bit. I'm doing a shimmy. Dropping it? You're dropping it? Well that's, yea that's a, that's a mess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His voice is super solid. He has the coolest name ever in rock music. Yeah. Uh, Doobie Brothers. The Doobie Brothers? That's pretty good. I mean, that's good, but that's... The Doobie Brothers is great, bro. To me, that's the greatest of all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's not his hit, right? Doesn't he have a bigger one than that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take me home tonight is pretty damn big. Yeah, that's the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's a deeper cut, but shakin' is a fuckin' banger by Eddie. What's shakin'? What does that sound like? Hold on, lemme, lemme, lemme, lemme pull it up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like to eat bullshit. There's, there's no way. Wow. Nevermind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a fun prank. Wow, that is a fucking, that's a royal ponies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, how come we don't go on a couple vacations together? Like let's all go to like Greece or something. Well that'd be great. I feel like we can barely


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they say it is extremely easy, it's the hard part is landing. Other than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How competitive does it get, Kyle? Like, are you, like, challenged? Are you playing against some young go-hards, some vets? Are you, like, learning with people? Like, what can we expect here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wrote a note. So at any point in time, we're allowed to drop off the pod to get better at a- at a skill. At a skill. At a reindeer game!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and they play, they play in some like treacherous like downpours too. Like nobody, nobody on the, like the golf course doesn't close. Disc golf goes hard through all elements.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. That's how I, we got into sorta disc golf cause I grew up with a crew of disc golfers and basically it was smoke a joint, bring the radio, you listen to a Primus album and you just freaking throw the B around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's kind of the vibe in everybody you run into is doing the exact same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I love playing cornhole, it's so fun, but it doesn't look like, do they allow them to drink beer while they play because you have to have a cold brew while you're playing that game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like now it's getting to the point where since everybody has cell phones, you can watch like kids, it happening in real time. Like they go insta-live while it's happening. It's just fucking, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're talking about kids who are just being held inside of a room, just waiting for the situation to either be over or change. It's terrifying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my house, I have to defend it. Which is why we made the episode of Workaholics where, you know, we're on mushrooms and we set up booby traps. We thought it was a real thing you could do is set booby traps to stop people from harming your friends and family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is so gnarly, that is terrifying. It's like, I couldn't even imagine that scenario as a kid and it would stick with you the rest of your life and it's just fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could Gilbert arenas it and bring a gun to the pickleball corner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True, but I mean, you know what I mean? Uh, Bart, Barton Fink? Barton Fink is fuckin' dope. No Country for Old Men was off the fuckin' chizzy. Yea, Miller's Crossing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was one I didn't get into, like people were like kinda flipping over that and I don't know. Maybe it's just like the time period it said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never stop. I had the soundtrack to Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't really, but for some reason I bought the soundtrack. I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really good. You know what else Sam Elliott's in? MacGruber. The best show of the year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not yet, but I am about to jump into that cause I love to laugh and it looks very funny. It was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you say 30 Rocky, do you mean like tons of jokes coming at your face? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that one, uh, really silly show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's her name? Rashida Jones. Rashida Jones. What was that show called? It was like a goofy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What that translates to is people are starting the movie, watching, everyone started the movie, but not everyone finished the movie. Exactly, like when we get our numbers from- Yes, so bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the two thousands. It felt like the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the, the, the, the ads for it were so mysterious and you truly didn't know what it was and going into that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you, you just had, all the answers came from the film. You had no expectations going in. It just was like mind-blowing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to, I would love to give some, uh, shout out and flowers to Arnold, dude. I, we mentioned him, but like Conan is like, watch that movie. That is a tour de force performance. Which one do you like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they're both great, but I'm a, I'm a barbarian guy. Barbarian is mine. I love it. It's just that movies aren't like that. That's James Earl Jones, right? Yes. So fucking crazy. Yeah. With the coolest haircut you've ever seen. Yes, and a sick ass giant snake. Just fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, no, but you must protect yourself from the virus. And you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alamo? Alamo? Alamo Shravelin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I do on it is supernatural workouts. Adam is powdering his room. He's putting dust particles in the air, if you know what I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta check that out, cause I love Kurt Russell. If you need to juice her back up, throw that on. I love Kurt Russell, god damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us why this is a way station over a truck stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the truck way station, correct me if I'm wrong, the truck way station is run by the state? That's correct. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I will say this, at a truck stop, you are competing with these hats. Absolutely, thank you. If that makes sense. Like if you're a, and those showers, you know, depending on how long, they only cost a couple, but if you're in there for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My neighborhood liquor store has, uh, the alien jerky? Jerky? Yes. On the way to Vegas, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I feel like there's a whole new genre of jerky where it's like, actually moist, it's still kinda juicy. I love that. That's the best. Or do you like it dry where you gotta fuckin' like, tear a couple teeth out to get into it? It's a delicate balance dude, cause there are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought some soy jerky by accident real quick. I was like buying a bunch of different brands and I grabbed like this, it was like a Carolina pulled pork and I was like, that sounds good. And I was crushing it and I was like, this is a little, this seems weird. And I looked at the pack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be an app. There's gotta be an app. There's no look. No, there's no look. There's no look at first. There's a look down the road. There's a look down the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're so new and sofangled. They're illegal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your grades are garbage. Maybe try some Adderall? And I was like, yea alright. And I went to like the team doctor. Uhm, uhm. That's impossible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Licked my ass, and then... Oh my god. Licked your ass? Did you say licked your ass? He's just checking it out to make sure it worked. Okay, continue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I did, but I did one and Blake is right, the guy, I went to the doctor, I went crazy and he goes, yeah, some people have the, uh, adverse effect where you like, it doesn't even you out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the whole, like you'd go to a party and there'd be like a giant coke tray going around, like a butler carrying it and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people keep dying that we talk about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what I'm gonna give them, but holy fucking shit. When, I think I was at summer camp. I was at summer camp and somebody had the tape and they played it and we would just be in the bunks like before night or whatever. And just losing our minds listening to these prank calls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, listen to it. It is fucking unbelievable. If you're 11 or 10, it's twice as good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Longmont. Like that's probably a street name or a place or something. Potion Castle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone has caller ID. But you can call establishments. You can get on Yelp and be like, I'm gonna call that donut place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, this wasn't a Britney and Dennis- Hank- No, no, no, no. Phone call to you? And he goes, uh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a young tooth knock out here too, it took like two and a half years to come, for the big dog to drop. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, they're fine. My brothers have like, perfect teeth, and so do my parents. And they just were like, we're not doing it. And I was like, alright, thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I got the veneers, the guy goes, alright, so here's the deal, like, I can give you veneers and you'll have new teeth in, uh, two weeks or you can do braces and you'll be set in like 18 months. And I just moved to LA and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A young man, and I was like, do I want to be meeting the people I meet for the rest of my life? Which is like. Just a celebration as an adult. And looking back now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's crazy is it took you six months to get that one appointment. Whenever you book an appointment, they're like, we can see you in three months. And then they're like, Hey, can you come back in two days? What are they doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys ever see that video where I guess like some dude broke up with a woman and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He put up a post around town where it was like, I just dumped this, like, or she dumped me or something. Call her number and do your best Wookie impression. It was on the news and she was like, so it's been nonstop for two weeks and she's playing voicemails and it's just guys calling, going, wah, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does she lord that over you for a little while? I hope she did. Younger sister pulling one over on older brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually like the scariest thing anybody could say to you, cause she might have been having some weird like visions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we start some beef with the impractical jokers? I'm Sal. I'm Sal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes. In BF Las Vegas, not on the strip, we were like on the outer skirts of Las Vegas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And yea, it was one of those moments when you're looking in his eyes and there- it's only truth there. Like this guy, you knew you were in a room with- Satan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, was this before UFC, or UFC was going, but that's before UFC even had like rules, like you could punch in the balls, you could elbow, you could like poke people's eyes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And looked cool. And he looked cool. He was a brawler. I believe he was from Miami. I think he might have represented Miami.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, then we would be con- that's kinda what Tosh.0 did, if we could shout out to our- our brother in arms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yes and it was the first time they had one and I went really crazy. I went all in. I ended up like sleeping in my garage, like passing out on the floor of my garage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but I thought I was gonna snooze in the back seat, but uhm, I didn't, I got there in like seven minutes, it was very-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why it was so weird for me. I thought I was being pranked. I thought I was on freaking special delivery all over again. I'm like, why am I on the Ellen show? Like, in no way. Yeah. I see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because Tiffany Haddish is in Freak Brothers, the cartoon Adam and I have produced for 2B, and uh, she had me there to promote Freak Brothers, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I got the email, like, inviting me to be on Ellen, I was at Adam's wedding. I had just had third degree sunburn. I'm drunk on tequila.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to think of what my first CD is. Kyle, do you know what yours was?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, what's up? You were saying you didn't have to do hand-me-downs because you were like the oldest, but did you guys ever get like hand-me-downs from like your cousins? I remember we would get like boxes from my older cousins in Iowa like geared up and I was always like, oh what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's kind of crazy. I was thinking about it. I know we've done this podcast for longer than a year, but I recall some of our first podcasts being right around Halloween time, so it's kind of our like one-year anniversary, guys. Congratulations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is a realization. It's awesome. Yeah, they're game changers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the displacement theory doesn't work. Well, does ice weigh more than water? Well, that's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well I'll give a compliment to Anders since he apologized and I do appreciate that from you. It takes a big guy to apologize. Uhm, just compliment you on getting your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will do a check. Happy 69th episode, gentlemen. Wow. To what do we owe the honor? My goodness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well it's attack, it's, what is it, it's attack with sarcasm, right? It's like, uh. It's that, but I think it's supposed to sound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't going to say a damn thing and then honestly all of the noise that was sent at me like are you alive? A lot of chatter. Did you feel loved? I felt very confused because I thought we were cool. Well to be fair, yes. I thought it was cool. I thought we talked about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, it was, it was, uh, call it a mental health break. I had too much shit on my plate and the scheduling was going nuts and we were finishing up Shadows and I was doing the last couple episodes and shit got down to the wire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, alright, I'm into that. I'm into that. Give me the asshole credit then. Was it, what was it for you guys? Okay, so what is that? Where does, where does, where do I stand? So where do I stand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it was kind of asshole, but not to you guys, more to the fans. And I'll speak to the aro-arogaloids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I will apologize because I feel like that's where I left people stranded. I think I communicated with you guys behind the scenes what was going on. And then you took it to another level for entertainment which I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I'm just like, you know, maybe I'm like yin yang, you know, maybe I'm like as much bitch as I am asshole and maybe that's the lesson here. Maybe I, maybe I showed you guys a little asshole. Maybe, maybe I showed you a little


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yes, great movie. Lauren Lapkus. Yeah, when a couple wants to have a threesome and then they go search for the random person that's going to be in it that is not going to be a part of their world anymore after this one special night, but they just go find their unicorn and the search for a unicorn is real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was in that position and really adding a male to my sexual relationship, I wouldn't want that to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's how I'm, I'm taking it. That's how I'm taking it too, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like learned from him as we went too, as his character got bigger and bigger. Like he was like, uh, we wrote to his strengths and it just kills him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bill is in a movie. Isn't Bill like in Twister or something? Or Contagion? Or what's another movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was Outbreak. I think Bill was in- Yeah, yeah, he's got a scene. Cause I think he posted something at the beginning of the pandemic and it was just so timely. It was perfect. Did you say Twister?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like fucking too real. Here's the thing though. Here's the thing about that. That's super weird is like that cow in the trailer. I don't think is in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you walked in the room, I'd be like, hey, what's up, what do you need? It's been a second since, yeah, I mean, I think I thought I looked pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we had, on the, before the pilot, we had Hayley, uh, she did the pilot presentation, and then Gary Corden took over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another episode of... Adams, look at his bow tie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, my guy's a time traveler. He's ready to get this year behind him. It's been a rough one for Durz, but it's okay, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude. Yeah. What is it called? It sounds like a transformer name. Optimus. Well they all sound cool as-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause kids are out here trying to get them now cause it's the cool thing to do. Which one do you got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Omnichron. That shit sounds like straight up like a bad guy transformer. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, your, your king, Arugaloid, has left the building. He's betrayed you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For, for the time being, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we rename it? Maybe. Two assholes and a bitch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, dude. Is he being an asshole? You know, now that's a great debate right there. Speaking of, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's us. And you know, it's just like, you kicked someone off the island, but for someone over here who's just a little bitch in the corner, I'm like, oh gosh man, that feels like a real asshole to abandon me to these, these wolves of friends that I have. Cause I'm, I'm scared. Friend wolves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I still wanna play. I think it sounds pretty fun. It does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But guys, rest assured, it's TII or die, right? We're in it to win it. Who's the next one who's getting kicked off the island?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, let me ask you this, man. If, say, I died in a horrific, uh, event, would you guys continue the podcast as just the two of you? An event? Like, add a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what finally, I mean it was just a terrible, it was an accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I mean that is how maybe you would want, but I don't- if my parents, they listen to the pod and that's how you guys put me out, I don't know if they'd be like, yeah man, they fucking gave like a really great send-off. Remember when they said he like died from- Yeah, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't get it? Oh, you don't get it. Oh god, your dad was so funny. You're not even funny yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he's off camera, and we're like hearing the death rattle, you know, the last thing you hear out of a person's body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if it's off screen, it could be, yeaah, it's one of his pranks, maybe he's, he's punking us, but if it's on camera. Right, one of his classic pranks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, I don't know man. I don't know, that's a tough one. That's a tough one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was some- You did a sketch way, way, way long a time. Way, way, way a long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, what was that sketch you did? Go ahead and just, uh, try talking. It might have been with Austin Anderson where it was like, you guys were high and like shooting each other with guns. And it was that moment, like they're like prank, they're like happily shooting each other with a gun cause they're so fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure, I'm sure. It was one of the first reads from Adam that I was just like, wow, this dude is just comedically a genius over here where you're like, dude, dude, and he's like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each dude gets more concerned and real, and I'm like, oh, this is my dude, man, right here, this is my dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this was kinda while we were still courting each other to see if we, we had the chops, and I remember seeing that video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, come on dude, that wasn't it. I just didn't live in that apartment. Kyle was the closest to the school. I still live with my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't socially r-worded. I knew how to talk to people. What did you just say? Socially r-worded. I don't know how else to, what other word. Awkward? Yeah, awkward. That works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, dude, you're, you're, it's now down to four, think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, we have, does Adam Devine sing? Does Adam Devine sing in Pitch Perfect? Okay. Does Adam Devine have a brother? No. Interesting. Then it gets into does Adam Devine have down syndrome? Does Adam Devine have downs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, I mean, half of the battle with skateboarding is you have to be totally fearless. I'm not that kind of a person. I'm pretty fearful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Kyle like kinda tried to dust off the board. R.I.P. I don't remember who you're talking about. Yea, he started to like try to skate again, like he built a ramp in his backyard and like immediately, he didn't tell anybody this, but like fell and like broke his rib.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was just like done for. Cause that's what happens. It's a young man's game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Alright, I guess you gotta be stoked with the culture. Oh no, those, all those, man the women's skateboarding I thought was just insane, these Olympics, it was so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all, all of them are so much cooler than I'll ever be. Just like oozing swag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I think it would be cool if we like, found out that you were just like, a straight up British dude, but you didn't have like, Norwegian blood at all. It's like, wait, this dude is just, from Wales? The fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who are the, who are the sickest, most notorious, uh, Norwegian people of fang? Sick? Like, you mean like the guy who murdered him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this bro. He's about to pull out deep ass cuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so cool. Literally. That's fucking cool. But isn't that the whole, cause they're still based out of Oregon, correct? Beverson. And that is, so that's the reason why, cause like the football team, this is where I go. Laced, they're laced. They have like 800


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people, people think that the, I mean, it's a, it's definitely a luxury, but it is such a game changer. Like people think that it does the work for you, but it's just a pedal assist. So like you're still, yeah, you're still going for it. It just allows you to go places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's how stupid I was, is like, uhm, Specialized gave me a bib.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like put on it was the ones that like has the overalls. Oh, I love that when you're when you're nipping.


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[Assistant] I, I gave mine away and then I started riding the bike and like truly like 15 minutes into riding. You gave your bibs away. Yeah, yes, yes. I gave my.


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[Assistant] Fuck dude, like your, your tank is on fire though. Yes. It's on fire!


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[Assistant] It hurts so bad. You have to have butt tissue. Picker didn't happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds, so you're saying that if, if you're gonna get to the level where you pay 18,000 then just take out like a huffy and ride it so fast that bike companies have no other choice but to be like this, this person needs a free ride.


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[Assistant] That's like, remember, uh, it was like, uhm, isn't it Kenny Powers? Nah, I don't believe that.


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[Assistant] But if you turn into flexercise, everybody's flexin' like on the gram as far as fuckin' workouts go. Some of that shit is so funny when dudes are like just doing shit that's so bizarre at the gym. Where it's like they're like jumping out the pool with like wiggle weights and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Detach your rectum, and then we, and then we sell tube socks that are pink, and we, and you can buy those.


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[Assistant] Butthole inside out cuz you're pushing so much fucking


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[Assistant] You have to turn your asshole inside out. Otherwise, you're a freakin' bitch. Alright?


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[Assistant] Yes! That's a strong, steady dam. God damn, T-I-I or die, baby.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's getting to be your signature if anything. People are watching your movies for your thighs. They're gonna start having thigh shots in movies.


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[Assistant] No, no, no. He does lift. I was just in Atlanta. Yea, I work out my legs. Cause I don't do leg workouts, I just run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I did like a little bit of a leg workout with Adam and I felt like my fucking legs were gonna fall off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Dude, that shit is hard. That shit is rough. Well, did his rectum fucking detach? No, he's not doing it enough to where his- Then what are we talking about here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aw man, it was cool. I felt, I felt like my man's as strong as hell. Yeah. Thanks guys. I am, I am.


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[Assistant] It's from just now. I was like who is that? I thought it was like a quarterback for the Bangles or something. Bangles. Not the case.


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[Assistant] And then like, all our kids are named like Khaleesi and fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kanye. Yeah. Is there really Khaleesi's out there? I have yet to meet a Khaleesi. Oh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, did you have a lovely Thanksgiving or was yours just hectic and fucked up?


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[Assistant] You don't make any of the, of the dishes though, right? Did any of y'all get in the kitchen? Cause I kinda got in the kitchen this Thanksgiving and I'm pretty proud of myself. It's my first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, how much, how much do we have to talk about them until they start sending some stuff maybe, maybe our way for like Christmas dinner? Cause I would love to have that on my plate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, there's a lot of places that I would put in time just to get free shit. Wiener Schnitzel... Where? Wiener Schnitzel. Fast food? Schnitzel? Yea, how do you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the deal? Will you be there in October? Because I think Germany, I think, huh, Octoberfest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you gotta go to Germany in May. Actually, maybe you do, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Omaha is the Germany of the United States.


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[Assistant] This dude just started to slip through the cracks. Well even if Germany causes you to gain a lot of weight, I do hope you get to go and film that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, bumper was kind of, you know, a little more of a chunker.


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[Assistant] But I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what the scripts are like, I don't know if, you know, can you give spoilers? What do you mean?


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[Assistant] Yeah, please everybody. Please everybody. T.I.I. Nation, come on in. I'm ready to hear it.


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[Assistant] They're just rolly pollies, or they're just, just tall tent poles. Yea, dogs and cats living together.


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[Assistant] That's gonna be absolutely insane. Wow. To live, live abroad.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I hope it happens, cause that's gonna be an adventure.


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[Assistant] Oh, you gotta get on that. Actually, you know what's a really great rewatch is like Tenacious D did, uh, like had a show for HBO way back in the day. Oh yea, I watched that. It's fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Funny. Is it on HBO Max? That's a great question. I don't know, I just watch it, like, clips on YouTube, but if you could, and then I also think I actually have the DVD of it. Todd says yes. Our producer says yes.


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[Assistant] So T.I.Nation, run those numbers up on that Tenacious D show on HBO, cause that shit was fucking funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, you know what else is wild that I saw is that they pulled up with a bus to, uh, San Diego Comic Con yesterday. Like Comic Con is back. What the fuck? It's now? I didn't even know. Yeah. Comic Con is this week. It's like today and yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's Sephora. Yeah, all the Kardashians are there and then like we just kind of slid. Well, you know what?


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, I, part of me is like, I mean, whatever, I hope everything works out, I hope they're in love, I hope it's great, but like, now you have like Kanye West publicly going on Instagram, like I want her back, like the drama, the, the press, the fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, unfortunately, I just don't think that, like, the environment will allow it, right? You're gonna go in fucking sane. It's just too much, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's really easy to get. I thought it was gonna be a pain in the ass when I first heard about 2P, but you just fuckin' install it and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember, we were trying to, uh, cause you told me you watched Titanic and I was trying to remember what the story was. Why was Leonardo DiCaprio on the ship? He was coming, he was playing an Irish person?


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[Assistant] To Billy Zane, cause he hadn't been mentioned, but thank you Anders, cause Billy Zane is one of the best actors of all time.


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[Assistant] Love it. Great eyebrows, friend. Said he was good. Said he was fun. We're on the Zane train, baby. Let that be known. T-I-I or die.


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[Assistant] And with that said, TII Nation, please like, subscribe, tell your friends we need the listeners. We're trying to beat Sonny and Rogan at this point.


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[Assistant] I don't like that and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I don't like that Adam.


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[Assistant] Whoa, hey Adam, is this something that used to happen when we lived together? Like you would have your birthday and you're the oldest out of me, you and Blake, right? And you told me that like the birthday owl comes and visits you in the evening and gives you wisdom.


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[Assistant] Only on your birthday. Did you get any whiz? Is that a thing, bro? Am I like, am I making- I might have said-


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[Assistant] You can see the fabric so you know what it feels like. Oh wow. Ders. What?


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[Assistant] Adam, does it feel like your winter sheets? Does it feel like your winter sheets?


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[Assistant] Okay, so you guys know what I'm talking about.


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[Assistant] It would have a, it could have a plaid print. Yeaah. It was a plaid flannel, right? That's what you're saying.


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[Assistant] You're like mad at the guy. Look, I'm happy to jump into this, but I just wanna- And he's mad at you. This is 100% cotton.


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[Assistant] See, I think I have, I think I'm opposite, I think I have good style. But no taste. Horrible taste. Okay.


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[Assistant] Let him explore. My throat hurts. Yea, let him live his life. It's his truth. I'm not sure. Yea, it's his truth.


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[Assistant] I'm just living my truth. I am honestly talking about substances. I'm about to fuckin' take a melatonin. That's a sleep enhancer? Enhancer?


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[Assistant] Can you tell me again what it is? Tell me again what the concoction is. It's been a while since we ran down this. I forgot.


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[Assistant] That's not lean. It's a softened lean. It's like, uh, over the counter lean, right?


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[Assistant] But the Zquill, I bet you the product that's in it though is just named something else and got a different distribution channel.


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[Assistant] If you're sick, right, if you're sick, it's supposed to be if you're sick.


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[Assistant] Well what's uh, you say vodka sometimes, is that real ma'am? Or are you hittin' the vodka every night? No, it's every time. Yeah, that's what I wanna know, I wanna discern this. No, it's not every time.


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[Assistant] Why don't you skip the, why don't you skip, skip the, skip the workout, the free workout one. That felt like one you could get right.


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[Assistant] Are you sure you actually don't have the energy? That's my question because I know you bro. You fucking go. You don't need this shit. You're a divine, divine run at a high octane no matter what bro. We do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I gotta keep doing it. You don't though, bro. You don't. I mean, I know I'm on the grind too. It's fucking tiring. I get it, bro. I get it, doggy. You're working out.


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[Assistant] Great product. So basically sugar, cause that's got sugar in it.


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[Assistant] No, the only time- You're almost 40 years old, bro. You gotta start fuckin' lookin' after your bod. Bro, the set doctor-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, how long have you been only seeing the set doctors?