[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To stinky foot funk and dry skin with the manscaped foot dust or get 20% off and free shipping with the code mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At manscaped.com, your balls will, thank you, get 20% off free shipping and a free travel bag with the code MOM at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping and a free travel bag at manscaped.com and use our code word MOM. Here you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I am listening to, this is uh, Cuban Links by Trash Beats. Thanks man. Uh, real quick, quick update.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about. I don't know, there might be a few singles left. May 17th in Riverside, California. May 18th, I'm in Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan. Uhm, and then May 28th, Louisville, Kentucky. We added that show because the 29th is gone. So you can go ahead, try to get tickets to the 28th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The May 30th, I'm in Indy, uh, the 31st St. Louis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 1st, I'm in Detroit at the Fox. There's a few tickets left there. And then Chicago, uh, June 2nd. The early show is sold out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Late Show has tickets, that's June 2nd, that's my fourth show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Chicago, and from there I go to Richmond, Virginia, and there are tickets available for the Late Show there. The rest of the tour is all laid out, TomSegura.com slash tour. Hop on those tickets now before they're gone. TomSegura.com slash tour. Gene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming through with all the fun facts today. I'm very excited about today's show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uhm, we have, we basically have two people who reached out to and we just said, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was awesome. The fucking dog's tits. It was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I go, you wanna park the car? And they were, they would just fall out of their seats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kinda scared me because we have insurance, but I started to think about, you know, the people that work here, and the fact that, you know, I mean here's the thing, I really feel like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the spy that we gotta be wary of is Chris again. He's in that other room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course he should at this point. Otherwise it's like his own kink. He's like, I love my longing dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would pay, by the way, would Josh be down for like a high end nude shoot, photo shoot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well we need to, we need to get it locked down so we can announce it soon because people are asking me everywhere when you're coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that it was, here's the thing, like there was the moment where he answered and we actually spoke to him. And then, you know, it was like that the moments after that, like did that just happen? And then honestly, you know, we, we do these teasers every week. We put, um, you know, highlights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the show, up on social media, and you know, depending on what it is, there's a, there's a feedback to it, you know? We did a teaser the day before, on Instagram and on Twitter, and I don't think we've ever had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That type, like people were like, what the fuck? And it got like 300,000 views, like the little Instagram teaser, and there were thousands of comments underneath it, like, you're not serious. Same thing on Twitter. And I go, oh wow, like the, the people are really actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Engaged with this and then the, the feedback when it came out was nuts. And then we actually, just to go back, we actually had him on again last week, little follow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is good. Right, which is your, you've, well you've now heard that too. But this is our first time really kind of basking in the glow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, yeaah. I had all kinds of people messaging. And I actually think there's this, uhm, you know, people were writing and posting and this video, Chris O'Neill, uhm, is a listener, posted this, and like it best summarized, I think the feeling of us and of so many listeners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was it man. That's like the perfect summary of like, this is essentially utter and complete nonsense. And we're all like, it happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not just stories, but going live. So I think if there's a mission for us this week with regard to Robert


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is like, Hey man, can we, can we go live with some stories please? Because the stories are where he thrives. That's him on set. You know, you want to, you want to see him really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do solve a sudoku puzzle and be like, oh this goes here and this goes with that. So maybe we could tell him to hit reply and then comment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please come back and do your stories. Let's ask him that. Pretty please, go live. Go live, go to Insta Live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I one time told our therapist, our therapist, my therapist about things we do on this show and try to show him videos and I just saw him like his eyes kind of dart and he was like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no. He was basically, I, you know, I think it was something along the lines of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he wasn't, he, uh, I was surprised. He, he basically was more, uh, bothered by it than I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, mhm. And then I was like, I mean, what do you think? Cause sometimes they won't tell you what they think. You know, a therapist will be like, well, this is about like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I could tell he was like, yeah, well, I've encountered it a number of times. And I go, and he goes, it's insanity. This guy is insane. And I was like, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, you know what it is? I think it feels, sometimes there are people who, it's generationally different. Like, my grandparents, you know, when they were alive, if you saw how they interacted or spoke, it doesn't feel like, it is from another era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's a more formal way of interacting and like they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just talk differently, you know, and, and it was like, and how are you? And like this is to your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, to like, to the grandkids, like, I'm fine today, and that's very nice, you know, it's a very pleasant day, and like, she kinda has that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's the thing though, is that it doesn't feel like, it feels like it's from 50 years ago. That's how I read it, you know? It's like, that's how somebody would go on a date, uh, in the 1950s. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you like a girl, just be like, do you prefer sweetener or Splenda?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm thinking that she'll be like, I don't know, fucking sweetener. But see, you got the conversation going. That's what you need. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, what I'm saying is you're not gonna see it, like a 24 year old girl is not gonna act like her. No. The difference is that that woman's 50, she looks great, she looks fantastic. She looks amazing, they both do. She looks 50, she acts 80.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know by the way, all these like super romantic dates, and it took like five of them before like, before they actually kissed, like hands were on thighs, they were like feeding strawberries to each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, I know, finally like on the fifth date of all this touching and then she was like, mwah, and they kissed. By the way, I hate watching people kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm saying usually if you're, you know, aging along with the person, you're not going to be like, how come I'm still 24 and hot? Like, you're also 40.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the, of course those two, the two oldest ones are an amazing show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways. That's smart by the way. I'm happy about that from a production standpoint. Just, you know, put good looking people on shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The illusion you're trying to have when you shop online is that you see someone who looks awesome wearing it, and then you go, I want to look like that person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He even made an instance where he's like, I know Tom's looking at this right now going like, oh, you look like shit. I look fine. He looks worn out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, yeaah. He's been partying. Yeaah, partying non-stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's gonna be, by the way, I think, you know, this is like this big tour for him. It's gonna end with a kidney transplant, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gonna have a fuckin' nurse that accompanies him on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're different colors, but I don't know if he's actually... This was, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know when people like saw that picture, they're like, did you guys do a workout contest? Like yea, a few months ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I showed that picture to Ellis today and he was like, he drinks too much water. And I go, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta disagree with you so much though. Are you kidding me right now? No, cause I'm looking at this photo right now, and I, if you tell your, like if you go like, that's not a famous guy, that's just a guy, I don't think you go like, holy shit that's a fucking good looking guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I've seen all his movies. He's a great actor. And he's a good looking guy. I don't think that he's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, shit your pants. Oh my god though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying, I think that dude, if he wasn't a celebrity movie star, you wouldn't freak out about how hot you think he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just gonna go out here and say it. I think he's very average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think he looks like a normal guy. This guy, Gosling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm not, she's not like your favorite, but are you like, she doesn't deserve to be in this scene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would. You're so dumb. She speaks to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is at Latin. Is she Peruvian? Is she something like that? She might be. You're sausage. Look up her, uh, her nationality. I feel like she...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that'd be the kind of thing I'd be like, oh, you're, you have Latin parents? Me too. And then she'd be like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just trying to be friends. Who cares? Just trying to be friends. Uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see here. Do you wanna fart? Fart, fart harder than your... What are you doing? I'm looking up something. Okay, we're all set. I wanted to make sure the announcement was cool to make. So we have, because Mother's Day is coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm planning big things for you, but I just wanted to say for our fans of the show, we have a super big fat sale, uhm, use the promo code MOM starting May 9th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, at midnight goes through May 12th at 11.30pm. We restocked a bunch of items. There's signed posters from my last few tours. So like the private jet one. There's new items like the water champ socks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did, it's the third time, people love the Water Champ bottle, there's the new bike stuff, there's the, uhm, Don't Prolapse Your Anus, Doctor Drew's, bunch of stuff, so, and there's gonna be even more items by the time this airs, that are not on there now. Merchmethod.com, slash Tom Segura, has all of our stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, there'll be new items by the time you hear this and everything will be 20% off in the store. Happy Mother's Day. Use that promo code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mom at checkout. Speaking of those shows, don't forget that on our YouTube channel every week we put up Dr. Drew's show, Dr. Drew After Dark. That video drops on Fridays at noon, I believe, correct? And then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, The Great Sickle Cell. Ryan Sickler's show The Honeydew. That drops on Tuesdays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just did one with him a couple weeks ago, where I told incredibly embarrassing stories, many of them actually completely turned


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Red blush. Yeah, yeah, but it was really fun because you're doing it with like a good friend. We had a lot of laughs. So check it out. The honeydew every week, Monday, audio Tuesday video and Dr. Drew's show audio Thursday video Friday at noon on your mom's house podcast, YouTube channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always a good time, always fun to welcome a friend, a staff member. A writer, producer. A writer, choreographer. A very hilarious stand-up comedian who we are fortunate enough to have here. You know him as the guy who can never come. It's Josh Potter. Ooh, it's a remix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do remember going over there after we were dating for a while, but yea, there was just different things. I mean, we basically, we just missed the window on, I mean online dating had started, but it wasn't like now where it's apps. Only freaks were doing that. Only freaks? Yea, it was real fucking sad losers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or just like people who have zero capacity to say hi to someone, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, yeaah. It's like how nobody can navigate, you know, how to walk three blocks. Yeaah. Just like, how do I, I gotta put the address in, like, no, you could go there, make a left, and they're like, woah, woah, woah. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the red flag to you for dating? Like when- Like if I want to keep it going? No, I'm saying like if you were like, oh this is like, I'm interested in this girl and then you go there and you're like, ehh, I don't know if I can handle this. Like what is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause you're gonna have to like sit next to her and she's like, what? I'm just doing a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they had to actually do the re- like figure out whether what was going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anybody who's ever mentioned though, she's just like, what fucking whore is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, she knows already, okay. She also does this thing where if I'm like, oh yeah, and that's when I went out with so and so, uh, you know, in, in whatever this city. She's like, oh, is this one of those fucking whores you were with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your bunghole? You think bunghole? Nah, it's probably your cunt or pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. But this is one that like the wheels were moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do not want a piece of this, I'm telling you. She is a volatile, unpredictable, very, you know, just a wild individual that you don't want any part of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This bitch travels Africa alone looking for heroin? Like no, you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I, with this, one of the reasons I wanted to do this, uh, you, you are booking your tour, right? Yes, I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's another reason we wanted you to come on the couch today. What's that? Well, we have to tell you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both. Okay. Some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first? I always love the bad news first. You do, right? I knew that would be that way. Alright, here's the bad news. Oh boy. We need you to get on a plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what would be fun too is you go, you come bearing gifts. Something tells me that maybe a second person should accompany you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I don't think so, but I think it's best to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, here's the thing though, I don't just wanna report, I need recordings. So I need audio, I'd like video, you know. You think I'm just gonna spend time in there without something rolling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The good news is, if the U.S. State Department allows you. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get a passport, I'm inviting you to do the European tour with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was in 2008. Was that before your arrest or after?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when do I go talk to Robert Champagne? Way before then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll meet after this. God, I hope I don't die. We'll meet before this. We'll meet after this and we'll figure out a schedule. Okay, cool. But, uh, Robert, there's gonna be a guy coming over and I hope you're excited. 2395!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am so excited because this rarely happens where you get, you nerd out on something and you reach out to somebody who is responsible for your enthusiasm and entertainment and we were able to make it happen. So sitting with us now, executive producer, writer of the hit series,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to tell people right away that if they haven't watched season 1, look, there's going to be a spoiler alert. Press pause, go watch it, come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's start here because there's so much to talk about. It's such a, such a great series. Um, there's different stories about how it came about. Can you give us, like tell us the origin of how this actually started?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you knew, like, we're gonna pitch to this team of these four executives. Yeah, like, we're going to HBO. Let's pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was your choice for, like, bringing this out in the, like, how did you do it in the pitch? What'd you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So okay, so now, so amazing pitch idea, you get the show is initially, as far as I understand, uh, produced by Lifetime, is that right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're a year in development at Showtime, you guys, uh, part ways in a nice way, and then you go, okay, uh, lifetime says, hey, we'd like to make it. Uhm, so then it's like, this is, this is where it's gonna live, right? Is that, that's, but that's it. Obviously you're like, this is where the show's gonna live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did you know from the get-go that it would have its window at Netflix? That's an understood thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. But I mean, when it's, when it's airing on, like, I never knew about it on Lifetime. Obviously there's also- You don't watch that much Lifetime. I don't watch that much Lifetime. But I mean, there's also so much content, right? There's so many channels. It's like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember like the way that I learned about the show was Twitter because I opened Twitter one day and uh, the Netflix account had tweeted about it. They said like 46 million people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, I mean what, what, it has to be a thrill that like you've been working as a writer, producer, and you know, putting out good work, but then you hit, when something like hits beyond your imagination, what's the feeling like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw the tweet, and then I didn't go watch it. What happened was, like we have almost like a same routine every night where we're in bed, she always goes to bed before me, and I'm flipping through, and as I'm scrolling through, I see the card, and I go like, oh that was the, the tweet was about this. I was like, maybe I'll just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I, I go like, I'll just start it. And that was it. I mean, once I just, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate it so much. That's what I appreciate so much about the series was, one thing was that a lot of TV now, I feel like they go, well you know, this thing has to have legs to continue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On and on and on, so we can't, like you can't have that many things actually happen. You can tease that something will eventually happen, but then when you see, I mean we can, we've already given the spoiler alert for this, talking about obviously season one, but like when you see that he follows to the house, you imagine in your mind as a viewer,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he goes to Peach's place, that like, okay, he's just gonna sneak out. You never imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there'll be the confrontation and a shooting and, you know, like that's actually, you're like, oh my God, how is this show going to go on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When she finds the box in the bathroom, she can't possibly put it all together because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the whole thing is up. So like every time those things are happening, you're like, no way. And then eventually when you build to the second to last and last episode and he's basically got her kidnapped and holding her hostage, you're like, all right, in your head, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, cause you know there's a season two announcement that came. You're like, all right, she's going to forgive them. I guess next season will probably be about like how, how they, they, they make, like she's going to make up and not, and maybe they'll tease how the charges press. Like you're running through these things in your mind. You are never going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no way that it's gonna end that way. Right, right. It's just like, it's a thrill as far as entertainment. Like that's what, I got so hooked on the entertainment value of the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other, the other fascinating aspect to me about it is that, is that you, this is like a thing now where obviously this is something that audiences love, which is a quote, bad guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you cheer for. It's really bizarre. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you kinda go, like from my thing you're like, it's the thing about the human condition too is that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have layers to a character, like Joe, uh, you end up going like, obviously he's doing these bad things, but then there's parts of him that you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, so you end up, it's like the Walter White, uh, thing, right? Where it's like, the end of, the end of, uh, Breaking Bad, you know, a lot of people are like, why does his wife have to be such a bitch about this shit, man? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking, my jaw dropped at the end of season one. I was like, no, like that's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I messaged you that I actually did a movie, I worked a couple of weeks on it, and I got to work with Elizabeth. We worked together on the movie, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's great. And then, um, so this is us on set, but then I was like, I gotta do a shout out to you. So I have my you, uh, tip of the cap. Uh, go ahead and pull up the other one. There it is. You see it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could see, like on, when we were doing, man, she's the type where she'd be like, yeah, hi, you know, just like friendly. And then they'd be like, and action. And then she would do this thing where like you're in the scene, but you're actually watching her. You're like, oh shit. And then you do your line that I cut and you're like, what the fuck? She's like, was that good? And you're like, uh, yeah, that was perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The early calls are the worst. The early calls are the worst. When they're like, and you'll be here at 5.30 and you're like, God damn it. And then, and then you do, um, the, my favorite is like hair, makeup, go to set. And then it's like 11.30, like we're going to get to you here in a second. You're like, cool. Seven hours later. This is awesome, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, I love the, um, storytelling devices you use of the technology showing, you know, and the way he narrates things and you see just like the, the graphics of, you know, logging in and it's a great way to share the story too. But there's a little bit of a fascination with everybody knows the feeling of the fantasy of looking at someone being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I like to do at Whole Foods though? What? Is like when they go, would you like a paper bag today? I go, you don't have plastic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, our good friend Chris Delia is in season 2. Yeaah, he's wonderful. He's the best and I can say it because it's in the trades and I texted him immediately. I was like, you're in you and he was like, he wrote back, uh, he's like, it's the only thing that I've like, uh, I've ever been like a big fan of and then I get to work on. That is very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Like now you're probably going to what, like 110 countries or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does. And by the way, that scene, um, it was like, I don't know, there was such like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An experience watching that scene. The way that she handled it like an adult. Yeaah. That was also unexpected because you're like, how's she gonna take this? And she took it like such a grown up, I don't know, I felt like it was almost a lesson hearing her say it, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, yeah, you know, it's crazy cause you end up cheering for Joe. And she's like, well, yeah, but like, you didn't want me to die, right? And I was like, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we have, we have a clip to show, right? Is this, uhm, Billy Bobby Brown?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for people who don't know, Millie Bobby Brown, of course, is the star of Stranger Things, the other Netflix show. Yeah, she's a fantastic actress. Let's see what Millie said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, just making a fool of myself at that age, which is totally normal, but I'm saying I'd be cringing at that now. Seeing all the posts of me saying stupid shit and you know, just acting a fool. That, that to me, I'm glad there's not as much of a record of that as there is today. I mean, I hope that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It becomes almost a shameless society. We're all like, alright. Like now there's a thing of like, there's always public shaming. You said this and people act like they've never said something outrageous and you know, they love to attack the person for saying or doing something. Then you go, I mean part of your mind goes like, how are you not thinking of your own stupid shit at that point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the whole phrase like that didn't exist before when people are cancelled. Like you're cancelled now. You know what I mean? Like that's the thing that is done now. Like if you express an opinion that like it might not be a great opinion, but people express opinions on things. There's people right away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ready to be like, and that's how we are done with you. You no longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I actually, I, I couldn't stop when the whole idea that the, you know, everyone's shamed now. I think the one thing that happens is like the bigger you get, the more exposure you get, the more comfortable you get with people fucking hating your guts. They don't actually hate you personally, they actually just hate


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like something you said or your public persona. You stopped like when you're, when you start getting that exposure, you're like, Oh my God, like you internalize it and you're like, Oh God, someone fucking hates me. And it feels badly. And then the longer you experience it, you're like, Oh yeah, they're just, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're barkin' at the thing that I barked out and it's just like, it's noise. Right. And it starts to affect you less. Yeah. Emotionally. And you're just like, meh. Like, you know, you put out, we put out specials and someone, you get all these people that love it and people are like, fucking hate your thing. And you're like, yeah, I know. Like, some people are gonna hate it. Some people hate your show. And you're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you gotten, have you gotten the cool thing of, like, you go like, oh, I, uh, yeaah, I wrote, uh, you. And they're like, that's cool. Have you seen Ozark? That's a rave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me ask questions. Go ahead, ask questions. Uh, uhm. Have you seen his butt?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in a character, a guy, I have a wife, and uhm, I chop her up, and I uh, put her in the oven, and I eat her, and then I meet someone new, and uh, it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, do you know by the way that one of my high school friends' father dated Anne Rice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At what point do we get a tease of whether or not there will be a season 3?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on guild, get it to fucking gather. No more packaging fees. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 16 writers here are watching this. That's true. Um, no, but look, I, I really want to thank you for responding to my direct message. Oh, thank you. For giving us your time today. We're huge fans. You're a brilliant woman. This is such a fun show and I really appreciate you coming here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, are you, do you binge on anything right now? Are you watching anything awesome? The last thing I binged was Russian Doll. Have you guys seen it? Yes!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've been trying to make this happen, I don't know if you remember, I tried to make this happen when we were in Silver Lake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody who follows the show knows me, knows that I love football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to do a podcast just about football. I loved that I had the chance to play football as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everybody, not everybody even has the, that thing where you can say you played against or with somebody that made it. And I did. And I've made, I've talked about it. It's obvious, I always got cool points because it was such like a unique.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know what I mean? Some people can say like, I played with Jerry Rice. You're like, alright man. But like, I got such cool points because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy that I played against who definitely made it the furthest is now sitting here and it's Heath Evans. Whoa. Dude, this was like, I wanted this to happen so badly because you don't understand. You have the burden of having played college football and in the NFL for 10 years. And for me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Chuck plays on that team. Like, you don't know their name. Dude, as a sophomore, I remember being a sophomore in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're playing, we both went to these small Christian schools. I had moved to Florida from Milwaukee. I go to this little Christian school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We actually had really good players that are for a small school. You know, we had seven kids on my senior class played college football. So it's pretty, pretty good talented to him. But you know, there was a pretty wide range of talent on the opposing teams. So I remember sophomore year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy gets off the bus, he's the only kid on their team wearing a tank top. You're wearing a white beater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's walking like this, and we're like, who's this guy? And they're like, that's Heath. Like other kids knew his name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because like, he looked like a big strong kid, but you're not like, oh my god, like what, what made me shit my pants was, so I played center, which means like I snapped the ball and I played defensive line. So both sides. He played linebacker and running back. So I remember playing center and he lines up over me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right over me to like, as soon as I snapped the ball. And I blocked them, but I was like, I have never felt the impact, like nobody else hit them. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I remember even, uh, junior year playing against him. His team was garbage, but he was so good. Thank you, Tom. Thank you. But his team, so like I'm saying you could blame, you could, you could,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could make plays where you end up near him and then you had to pay the price of getting to him, but like, I remembered one time


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got in the backfield and hit you and tackled you in the backfield and this was another thing he did. I need to see the film on this. I don't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember being like, first of all, like my head hurt so bad and like I, you know what I mean? Like I made the tackle and I'm like, I'm on top of this guy and I'm like, why's my head hurt man? Because it was like, he hit so hard, even like on a, on a losing play. And then he would go, that was a great tackle man. I was like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kill them with kindness. Dude, he would do this all game long. Great block, good effort. Like, pat us on the head and we're like, what the? Oh my god. You know, it's emotional warfare. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, how, okay, I have so many questions for you, but how, all of us who sign up, let's say, you play Pee Wee, right, you're in Little League, you have the fantasy of like, the NFL. So, I was four. So you were four, and you're like, I want to play professional football. Yeah. And then you must have, were you just laser focused forever on this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys ever have the thing though, when you were at, cause, so we played at, like I said, these smaller schools, smaller division in Florida. Did you guys ever have that thing, especially as you were getting better, like, hey maybe we should send them to a bigger school where they, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how, how, like, here's the thing, like, cause you always wonder this, like, when you, you observe or watch football and recruiting, sometimes you see a kid dynamite at a lower level school and you're like, yeah, but what about when he, so were schools hesitant about you? I don't know what your recruiting process was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So, first of all, did you know that our, so our best player actually went to Syracuse? Really? Yeah. There was a, if you ever look. What was his name? It was Arderral. Arderral Thomas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember that name. Yeah. Yeah. So if you, if you, if I showed you the thing, you would, you would recognize him. He, he was by far, and he played with McNabb and those guys. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But okay, so here's my question. So I'm, I know the, the, the games you're playing in, in 2A football. Yeah. So when you get to Auburn, like, and you're finally playing with like these. Tequila spikes. Yeah. First day of practice. Beasts. Okay. Are you like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you're the, you're so, you're so separate. I mean for people, you're so separate from everyone you're basically playing around and with and against. And then you get to a place where it's like, it's a bunch of top tier savages. So, I mean these guys are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, first day of pads though, because I, I'll tell you this, I mean again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether you were hitting him or he was hitting you was completely different than hitting other people. Seriously, like, I mean, felt it in your jaw. You could feel in the back of your, you felt it in your chest. You're like, Jesus Christ. Like every time it felt like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It felt like a Mack truck, you know, it's just like, you just knew how to hit and you were a big strong dude and it fucking sucked. Yeah. But I helped you up and told you good. Yeah. Then you're like, good job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, so like, is, is the first time though you hit spikes, you know? You're like, oh man, this is. What 20? So. This isn't St. Edward's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, but there's gotta be a point, I imagine that like, especially when you get, well probably on both levels, but like when you first arrive in big time college football, that there's gotta be, you know, people on every team maybe, every year who are like, oh shit,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is more than I thought I could handle. Oh yeah. And then, but then there's the flip side of it is like, is there's a day, maybe it's that day where you go like, all right, I can handle this. I'm going to be all right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate everything. MJ's famous, uhm, Hall of Fame induction speech, you watch and you're like, he's still...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like my, my all time highlight is against Benjamin. Cause I, I'm telling you man. Do you remember what year? It would have been my junior year. So 96. Okay. So 96, I shed the blocker running back comes at me. I hit him. I ripped the ball out of his arms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go the other way. And then I get a second one later. So I strip two, two guys and I, and then the best is at the highlight of the time where I strip it and run, I run off to the sideline and the Benjamin coach just takes his headset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, seriously. And they were dirty. They were dirty. They were racist. I can say it. They were super openly racist. It was all these like country boys. And then, and I remember like the speech we got from our coach before that. And they're like, these guys are not playing around. This is before the game. We're like, what kind of speech is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they were like, they would come to the line and we have, you know, there's a black guy on this side of me, a black guy on that side of me, and they're straight up like, like saying crazy racist shit. And by the way, the guys on our, those two guys on my team were like, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would they even stand up for themselves? Dang. No, they were like, uh, well they massacred us. They massacred us. My junior, my senior year, we had a closer game and then we met up again in the playoffs, but we lost every time, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, so I told you this in the lobby there, but like, your success, it's funny, like when somebody from like even the area, or like a team that you play against, it became a thing where, you know, I go off to school, I'm not playing football, but we're all,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From different cities, I mean, when you go to college, you're from different places, and then, you know, we would be watching sports center, or just talk, watching football games, and I'd be like, oh, that's, you know, we played against him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then as you, you know, you get drafted in the NFL, I still remember like talking to just like high school friends being like, you see Heath, man, he's in the NFL now. Isn't that crazy? I mean, that day for you and your dad must've just been like the most amazing feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So draft day though, uhm, are you home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now when you finally, okay, so the jump from 2A to Auburn is enormous, but do you feel then, because you're playing obviously three years of SEC ball, you feel pretty ready then for the NFL?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have, because you played, first of all, how amazing it is to have a 10 year career in the end. For people that don't know, you know, people, the average career is two, three seasons. So you're playing more than three times the average career. Do you have, uh, from your memory, people who you're like, man, that sucked to always face this guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know one thing that never, like you don't understand, like when you play like the little league stuff, you, you, you watch, you're like, how is this possible? Is that you see these guys in the NFL who are obviously the biggest and fastest and strongest guys with no leg pads. You're like, how does, how do they survive?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, you're in, you're in Seattle. Let's, the big, obviously everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's it like, here's the thing that becomes like cliche almost, is that people be like, well there's the patriot way, what's that? It means everybody does their job. But like, is it really the fact that people go there and they just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You either are buying into a certain way of doing things, or you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now what's, here's the thing, cause like, that's a great explanation, but I always wonder this about somebody who's as successful as him, or like, you know, on the college level you see like Saban, Urban Meyer, stuff, is you go, alright, so these guys,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, have their system, they stay up late, they don't go home like, like the other coaches. How are the other coaches not adopting or mimicking this well enough after this time? Like, why does it only work here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, by the way, Brady gets it then in meetings from Belichick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember that uhm, it might have been that, so maybe the year that you were there, I'm not sure, or the year that you guys went 18 and 1, is uhm, is that the year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, uh, he had like 50 touchdown passes, and Moss had like 29. All kinds of records. So, I remember that the following year, I might have some details of this off, but Moss had insane numbers, and the next year,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like week three or something, he had, he said something in the press about like either catches or contract or something, and then next week he was gone. And you're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, do you realize by the way, you telling me the FSU part, you and Randy Moss could have been FSU teammates. Yeaah. It was very clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, I saw your workout stuff on Instagram, like is he going back? Like you look, you're jacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, uhm. Nobody looked at that one. This is uhm, we're both South Florida high school football alums. This is a clip of uh, did your coach talk like this was in, this is a high school football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that is, uh, Miami Northwestern High. It's a well-known, uh, school. And that guy's son, uh, played in the NFL. That coach, that's, that is Tim Harris. Coach Tim Harris. And his son, Tim Harris Jr., I believe is his name, uh, corner in the, might be still be in the league. He ended up coaching over at, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Booker T, which is also in Miami. And then he ended up being a Keynes, uh, DB or running backs coach. Um, yeah, this speech is one of my favorites. I always think about it before a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Famous, what was the, um, who was the Eagles head coach that was, uh, a black head coach? Herm? No. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it wasn't with the Eagles. This, god damn it. I figured Josh would know. I tried to think, was it like a speech?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the Cardinals, there was a pregame, like, this dude looked no-nonsense. Uhm, there was this, one of the guys told me, a former- Denny, Denny, uhm- Not, not Denny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man. Crown him? You wanna crown him? No? Uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I remember that speech. This speech was not broadcast. Okay. And the whole thing would have been beeped out. Yeah, the whole thing. Well, the, the, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The version I was told was that it was halftime and this coach, everybody was like looking around and talking and then everyone got quiet. He was just staring at them and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He told them that the other team was fucking their mothers and their wives, and they were like, uuuh. And he said, like, it got- Crossed the line for a few people. You would have crossed the line for me too. Yea, I'd be like, what dude? And then said like he had zero respect for any of them anymore. And then he was like, alright, second half, let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Uhm, and then, Holmgren, you played for Holmgren. I did. I heard that uhm, I was told that on the, I guess it was the game, maybe it was the Superbowl or the game before the Superbowl that he played in last? Was that, are you on that team or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so when that uhm, at that halftime that he had just in the locker room unveiled like a million in cash and was like, get this money. Oh my gosh. And then, and then I guess, you know, players were like, yeah, let's get that money. But then they didn't get that money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a, here's a Ray Rhoades, uh. Yeah. I want her to see who allegedly, and I'm saying allegedly. R-H-O-D-E-S is the last name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do any fat, white, offensive linemen have a big dong?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, so you can't, but the whole point of this study is to say that it's not always, that 6'5'' doesn't mean- Oh no, most times it's the opposite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, most of the time it's the exact opposite. See? There you go. Now uhm, one other thing before we wrap up, there's actually two things. First of all, money wise, because we were talking about this. What's the, like, I have to go back to like, you and I are the same age, we graduated high school together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You enter the workforce as a professional athlete. So you go from being like, I don't know, probably like splitting pizzas with guys or something at Auburn to being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a check, right? And you're 22 or something? I don't know. 22.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, what's the dumbest shit you bought? Did you buy anything stupid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're an athlete, like, do they just ship you, like, you're just telling what you want?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been bigger checks? Yea, much bigger checks. Yea, dude that's awesome. Uhm, you have anything else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Alright, here's my special treat, ready? I was able to get footage of us from my senior year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fantastic. Gang tackle. So there's 89, that's 89 you see. Okay. He's the one that played at Syracuse. Awesome. 78 played at Howard. I'll give you a few guesses about, about those two guys, why they played at the next level. Alright, keep going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this is a highlight? Alright. But Heath, you take it from here, okay? You call the play. Alrighty. So we got time sitting with three techniques.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened on this play, vividly. I remember that I talked to my coach, Coach Chuck Harbin, and I was like, I'm just going to bull rush this dude. He was like, yeah, blah, blah, blah. We talked about it. I did it. And when I sacked the quarterback and I got up and I looked, I was looking at Cecil Fielder. Oh wow. Cause he was at the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right because Prince, you remember his son Prince Fielder played in the majors for a while. He went to our school for two years. So Cecil used to come to games and we would be like, holy shit. He would always come in like a Viper or like a F430 or something. And so that's what I actually remember that I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sack them, then I look and I see Cecil Fielder and I'm like, what's up Cecil? Like raising my hands at Cecil Fielder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. And this is all we can find from senior year. So, is that you? This is me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay, okay. This was probably, yeah, this was, so I'm playing center and you're kind of how I remember standing over center trying to ruin people's lives. Oh my gosh. Alright, let's see what happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I see, that's uh, George Williams. Who was 22? That's George Williams. He had a loud mouth. He did? Yeaah. Yeaah, he was a country boy, talked a lot of shit. He had a loud mouth, I remember him. Yeaah, he was, he talked a lot of shit. Yeaah. And uhm, he drove, he drove one of those, you know, every Florida, especially like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and by the way, so the quarterback from our school also was our kicker, and he got a full ride to Virginia and never kicked. Isn't that wild?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was the first full ride kicker there. Get your school paid for. This is you. Shit, I hope that- I don't think we're gonna actually see you smoking us. Look at this old T formation. I know, but that's Heath right there. Oh boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll give a Rocky Noble credit. You got the recovery. Rocky Noble. Rocky Noble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't remember not getting high fives. Until your boys pointed it out. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, fellas. Is that it? That's so rude. Yeah, so that's all we can, there's obviously, if we could have gotten game tapes, we could have really shown your highlights, but they just, they sent me a highlight of the year and they don't go like, let's find Heath Evans' best place for this. It's smart, it's smart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the earlier years we beat you guys worse than that, the year before, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the, in every game. Yeah, cause I think, cause that was, that was the 96th season, right? No, that would have been the 90th, the last season. Well, you're right, 96th season. 96th. You're right, you're right. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are you doing? Like, are you just- Oh wait, you guys gotta show that other video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, what do we have? This is another funny video. So, uhm, yeaah. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, so you see he's got a great sense of humor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll, uhm, hopefully see a lot of these things you're talking about, right? You'll be promoting it here. Everything will start here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, his soul and his body are absolute garbage tanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. I really appreciate it. If you want to see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also, if you haven't subscribed, please do. It helps feed our cats. You don't have any cats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we have a few quick things that have been added since we recorded this show. So here they are. Durham, North Carolina. The first show at the Durham Performing Arts Center sold out, so we added a second show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is going to be 10 PM on September 14th. It goes on sale this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wednesday the 22nd of May at 10am local time, that's Durham, North Carolina. Go to TomSegura.com slash tour, uh, for the direct link to those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, also we're adding a matinee show in Dublin. Uh, Dublin, Ireland, we are going on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sale, uhm, a Memorial Day sale, it'll be from the 24th through the 27th of May. That's MerchMethod.com slash Tom Segura. If you go there and use the promo code JEANS, J-E-A-N-S, you get 20% off everything in the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So go to MerchMethod.com slash Tom Segura, use the promo code JEANS. Jane, did you have to add anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva Luxury Mattress, the only online mattress company that provides free delivery, setup, and mattress removal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From there, uhm, you'll see Tulsa's almost sold out. The Late Show in Wichita, June 28th has a few tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, added show in Kansas City. That's June 30th. You can try to get tickets to that. And then the tour rolls on. Go to tomscura.com slash tour and get tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only additional one that has come on since this last recording is we added a second show in Winnipeg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got a bunch of stuff celebrating Robert Paul, 23.95, uhm, and for people asking, of course, we are giving him, uhm, a bunch of stuff, and, uh, merchandise, we're giving him gifts, we're buying him gifts, and we're also gonna give him cash money, something tells me he's not big on checks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bank. But we are gonna hook him up. So, uh, of course we would never not take care of our good buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now it's amazing and we have lined up the best guests and some of the best


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Content that we could find for this amazing episode. So this shit is big time. Let's go ahead and kick it off. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the cool things we're gonna be doing, uh, since we've just surpassed episode 500, is every week now, the intro will double. From the previous week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like next week, it'll be like 3 minutes and 15 seconds, and we'll build it until it's an hour long intro song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, how long you been not giving up? Long time? So you're old school then. I guess that's what you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone, someone today who's young could be like, don't give up on me. That's an old school idea. It just feels like that's not accurate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it just screams criminal. Like everything about this guy says unethical, immoral, reprehensible, felonious behavior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're making a real choice, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's struggling to get that thing in his mouth. I feel like we're out watching black.com or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, he won me over with that one though. I like that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, oh well, first of all, I like the message, but then when you threw the idea that someone could be pissing right next to him, it took it to another level. But that is a good message.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean he was just so off with the gift of tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is actually true. You should get back up. Don't let people tell you you can't do anything. And yea, I think positive thoughts bring about positive things. But especially if a guy's pissing in a bucket next to you as you tell your story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Tommy's an easy hang. For sure. This guy's a fun hang. He eats a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, you just, it would be easy, you know. He would, it would really be just like different stops at different bakeries and, uh, restaurants. And yea, he would pontificate. Drink a lot. The cigar smoke might get old. But, don't forget. Lots of sodium intake too. RPC is gonna be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unpredictable. In a predictable way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The women are stupid guy is fucking terrifying. I would take RPC over him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit. That's a problem. Four stroke eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. You guys are great. If someone deserves a lashing, we'll definitely tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] FGT RTD for girls that ride till death. License plate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so here's what happened. So my folks were staying at a friend's place, uhm, for a little bit and then I went to visit them for a couple days. They're packing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the evening and I, I, my mom's in the kitchen. Everything alright? Everything fine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so it's just episode 500 excitement guys. Uhm, so anyways, I, my mom is in the kitchen, okay, and of this apartment and then I, I walk in and I make some comment about her about like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you can't fart. Now, for those of you who've been listening to the show for a while, you know that I talk a big game about what my mom can do in the fart department. And here's the thing, like before you ever heard it live,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You heard stories about it, but my point about that is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I'm so excited about. You know, in life, everybody can relate to somebody talking about someone they know and a skill set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, you don't always get to see whether they can back it up. Or if you do, it's disappointing. Here's an example. Somebody goes, you gotta meet my friend Kevin. He's so funny. And you go, alright. And then you meet Kevin and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he just, you know, whatever, it's fine. You're like, okay, he's not. Or somebody goes, oh, you know who's like an amazing basketball player? Bobby. My friend Bobby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go play pick up one day, Bobby shows up and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bobby's. This guy's alright. Yea, Bobby's an average basketball player. No LeBron. Yea, it's like, that's, but, so it's like people always will throw that out there and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now I actually have the, the evidence. Like I've, you know, I've tried to get her to fart for money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, it just kind of has been this thing where like I, I was so amazed when I captured what I captured and also her reaction to it. Uhm, that I, it's been so hard to keep it from you, I haven't shown you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she doesn't know I recorded her until she turned around. Here's the other thing that's amazing about this, is uhm, you know, she forbid me to play this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was with her and agreed that I'll fly her to a casino.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put her up and give her gambling. All this, and I was like, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just for this 15, 20 second clip here, and here's the other thing I'll tell you, is that I'm sick of my copy written material being stolen. You know, double pipe classic is on Urban Dictionary, no mention of me. That's a phrase I came up with. Show me how those big tits fart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this time with this clip, I asked Blue Band to just go ahead and TMZ it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let's do volume up and let's let it rip for episode 500. This is huge. Here is my own mother. Char, and this is real. I, this is not doctored. People are gonna be like, oh you, you know, this is a sound effect. This is a hundred percent real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As she turned around and I thought maybe she's gonna fart, I reached in my pocket, pulled out my iPhone. Thank God the iPhone has that button where you can just hit camera. I forget about that button all the time. So the camera was, and I was just rolling and just, that shows you that God is real. Yeaah. Look at God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good all the time. This is a magical moment. Let's do volume up and let's, let's, let's watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I just, you know, it was, there's times, like there's morning and evening farts that are pretty impressive. And I just, I just was like, this might be a big one. I mean, now just so you know, she's, she's gone bigger than that before and longer than that for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Dude, guess what? We just, we just played, uhm, the mom's fart on the, uh, on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I mean people flipped out, I mean in the studio here they've never seen it, they've never heard it, I mean it was a pretty epic fart, you know, it was like a good, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and do you feel like you hear those, like those kinds of 10 second farts daily or every other day or weekly or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That, you know what, by the way, what's been happening to me a lot more, especially in these last few months as I've, you know, gotten a little bit old, now I'm 40 officially. Uhm, I've been shitting on flights a lot more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't like it either. But nature is telling me what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know what I, it's a, you know what's a good tip by the way? If you, uh, if you do have to shit on a flight, you know what you should do to clean up better?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you watching- Right, right. Are you watching War Docs, by the way, in retirement?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, is that Charo? Yeah. Can I say hi to her real quick? Please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mom, that was a world class fart. You just surpassed the king. You surpassed the fart mistress. You're number one now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you got your, you got your, I gave you that nice bag. You're gonna take a trip to go gambling. That's all on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the neighbors would love to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look, uhm, you are a legend. People are going to flip out when they see this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a 10 second part. I'm telling you, I've heard them twice as long. I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's been times where she's like, sometimes, you know, if, if not anyone else is around, she'll lean into it and then like put a finger up, like who's number one. I'm like, really? Yea, he's an epic man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of cool videos, you keep sending me cool TikTok videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hundred percent. This was really good. This was really good. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, let's go over these parameters real quick. It's a minute or less in the video. Make Josh come in the subject line. The email address is YourMomsPodcast at Gmail. There's no house. YourMomsPodcast at Gmail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make the video, explain why you think, I mean, you know, and obviously send in the video if you're willing to do it, you know, say your name, your special skill, why you should be chosen, and if you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean shit, we might have to do a Make Tom Come contest too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Oh yeaah. No no, I'm just saying like for fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big boners. Alright, I think we should mention that today's episode, Gene, is episode 500. It really is an incredible thing. I can't believe it. Yeah, it's just amazing. We've been doing this show since late


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, from the Silver Lake apartment to the guest house in Redondo Beach to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then before that we did it with Blue, with Red Band. The first one was Red Band. Yeaah, we did that in his apartment. Man, it's come a long way. We still love clips, uh, we still love acting like juvenile kids. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are, we still pull them up and we still, you know, I've said this in interviews, I've said it before here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the most fun thing I do is doing this podcast. It's just, I feel like it's a, I'm really myself on it. I get to hang out with you and be silly and talk about the shit we would talk about, you know, off mic. And that's kind of the most fun part. And now we have this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this great staff here in this amazing studio and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We still get to, to do whatever we want. We play the clips we want to play. We invite the people we want to be here. We have conversations and, you know, getting to hang out with other comics and now it's kind of spread out into like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's musicians and actors and just, it's become this whole thing, but it really, it's because of you guys, you know, watching and listening, so I don't want to be too cheesy, but thank you very much for supporting us and, and thank you for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Downloading the show, subscribing to the show, and letting us continue to do it, because it really is a blast for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think about sometimes how, you know, our kids are so young now, but when they're, you know, 30, they could be like, let's just do a deep dive on the fuck our parents were doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I will say too that, you know, episode 500 is a big deal for us and we have Brendan Urie, the lead singer of Panic at the Disco, who turns out is a huge mommy. So he's been listening to the show for years and it's always fun when you get like a celebrity guest who also


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool, uhm, we hope you enjoy it. And uh, yeaah, episode 500. Hopefully we do 500 more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, it is time to step it the fuck up. We've been having a bunch


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dirtbags, comedians, piece of shit actors. Felons. Fucking nobodies. And now we are graduating to the big leagues. I don't know if you know this, but this is episode 500. So this is a huge episode for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we finally are breaking into the big leagues. We're going to retire after this episode. Thank you to the great Brendan Urie for coming here today. Thank you so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's called a double pipe classic. Not one right after the other. No, no, no. That doesn't count. No, that doesn't count.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, there's the tweet of it. Oh my god. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what, you picked up on something that a lot of listeners have, they're celebrating how open and honest he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is what I like, and here's who I want to come over, and here's my address and phone number. Knows what he likes. I like a man that knows what he likes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got ADR, you gotta do that too. But, no, but like, do you ever think about like, so like, you know, in entertainment, there's these, there are the things, it's like making it as an actor, comedian, all these things where it's great, you always feel lucky, but like, the probability has to be the lowest for rock, like to be like, me and my band


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, were they, there's hating it and then there's like, you know, in some people's minds you imagine Mormon parents, uhm, being like extra strict. I mean, were they like, you're not fucking touring. No, they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you do the thing by the way, like have your homeboy come and then during the show he's like picking out the hotties like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But here's the thing, so being signed, like, that hap- you know, that happens to so many, and then you're like, I guess this is our shot, right? Right. And then, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the most part, that just doesn't pan out. No, I mean, it's such a shot in the dark. It is. It's like any of this shit is, right? You know, like putting out a special, uh, auditioning and getting a part. It's like, you, you just like, I don't know what's gonna happen. You never know what's gonna happen. And then when you, when it starts


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a few jet charters. It's amazing. I just want her to sign off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The drivers, first of all, they're always like super nice. A lot of times they're southern and they'll be like, well, uh, you know, it's, I would not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a city and then. Oh wow, wait two shows in a day or two shows? Two shows that night, right? So like two shows every night. So I'm saying like it might be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What'll happen is, it'll be Friday night, and I'm in Chicago, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Late show ends, it's 12 31 in the morning. I maybe ate dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how much of a role, like, you went from driving, taking turns driving a passenger van to flying on G5s. I know, that's fucked up. Pretty wild, man. Pretty cool. That is so fucking cool. Do you remember the first time you heard this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you guys put out this song, Me, uhm, and I think like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you make it a battle, like at a certain point now, I guess, you know, now I'm aware enough, like, just fucking put it down. But it's, for some reason, it's like, it's annoying, right? Like, you're like, I don't wanna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, as a producer, I produced this song once, I don't know if you've ever heard it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, this is a classic. Yeaah, this is a really good song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, uhm, like it'll happen after this and we'll be like, oh my god, you're so funny. Oh, thanks. Like I saw your specials. I'm like, oh, thanks. They're like, I mean, I just, I show it to all my friends and I'm like, cool. And they'll be like, uhm, is there a way you could get me in touch with Brendan Urie? I'll be like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True talent, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I told him, I was like, I guess, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You figured out like how to take, like, you can take it too far, but you figured it out at a young age. You figured it out before you didn't like fuck everything up. That's true. That's kind of a good position to be in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did this stupid, you know, fight scenario. It's like ridiculous, but yeah, it's like, yeah, you're just trying to make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to ask you, cause you mentioned it earlier, uhm, so are your parents now, I mean, like their son's a rockstar, is it like, are they like, hehehe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People say that though, when they go the direction we want to go in. Like, in layman's terms, is it like, we want to make this type of music? And other people are like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's happened to all of us. And it happens like as you get older and also like as you become more successful. Sometimes people just aren't even ready for you to be where you're at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, this show, it's episode 500, we have to debut some new clips. So, let's- Can I just say, it's such an honor to be here, and for 500, bro- I know, this is it, man. This is so exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a sensitive spot, right? Very sensitive. Oh my god, it hurts so bad. Now, here's the thing I wondered, like when you, when you start getting tattoos, there's like everything else, there's so many levels of artists. Yeah. So like now that you're Brendan Urie, the fucking rock star, I mean, do you just, do you put it, like, do you target, you're like, I want to work with this person, that person, or do you just go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're that guy by the way, if you're doing the tattoo and she's like, oh yeah, fuck, like fucking put it in my- Like are you gonna put it in your- I think you start getting worked up a little, you know? I think I'd be like, hmm, this is not a bad option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you ever, by the way, so, would you ever do another Regions tattoo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no. I've seen one on the ding dong, and I'm like, ooh, that looks like that. Oh, so


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, it's like, I think it's like the hot, like the worst it's done, the hotter you're like, this is a dirty shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to ask you, you've been here now for a minute, um, comparing what you went through in the last few weeks with Taylor and the me song video dropping and being here, what feels like a bigger thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, also, I mean, oh, you have something else to show? Yeah? What are you gonna show? Oh my god. The show, Brendan's Down. I'm so afraid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I normally wouldn't do it, but I feel like the opportunity is too good. I mean, I hope you don't get upset. Go ahead. If I were to gift you the fart mic, would you mail it to Taylor? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine if Taylor Swift was like, I got this fart mic from Brendan as a thank you for the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you feel like you be, like, I feel like it's another thing that actually raises your profile and, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you're feeling it, you start riffing between songs, and you can see, I mean I've been to shows where you see the, you know, lead singer just like being funny. I mean like, they're comfortable, they're confident, and it's like you have this adoring fan base there. If it's in you, you can just do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've seen the footage of it now, but I'm always like, when you watch a show, like a live concert, you're like, oh, so you guys before that will run through, will you run through and play in another room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you watch Hip Hop Evolution on Netflix? No! It's phenomenal. It is really really great. And one of the funniest parts is like, they get to, you know, the thing that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to just, I mean, thank you again, but yea. No, and then like, what a treat to have Brendan Urie stop by for our big 500th episode and also, you know, we've been exchanging messages for a few years now. This is really nice of you to come by, so thank you man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so that's it. Thank you so much for coming. Thanks, Gene. Thanks, Gene. We'll do it again sometime, I hope. Please, I would love to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with regard to RPC, Robert Paul Champagne, Try It Out guy. I initially thought that he meant that he did his own Try It Out video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it turns out he actually recorded a song, and I gotta tell you, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny when it came in, I'm like, what is this? I see it's an mp3 and I start playing it and you know, it's just the talent of a talented musician is always like, it's awe inspiring. It's like, man, that isn't, it's so different than like a funny person. You're like, that guy's really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. And then look, 99.9% of the time we just would have been like, you know, we'll just play it next week. But we're like, this is such a big episode for us and this is such an amazing song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that Brendan Urie wrote and recorded about Robert Paul Champagne. That we were like, we gotta get in here and we have to inject this song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks again to all of you, episode 500 and thank you Brendan Urie for, uh, showcasing your talent and lending it to the great cause of spreading the gospel of Robert Paul Champagne. Here it is, RPC. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have y'all ever seen a car with propellers on it? It was one of those. One of those wind cars. Well me and George, George you remember, we've fucked that, we had that, we've lunched. George off screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman named Caroline cabinet. If you matter, she's the sweetest woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She seems like light and filled with joy and she wrote this book that's inside this guy's head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From page one, he is, it's entirely inside his head, back walks in on the first page.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, this is why you're wearing those bracelets. This is why you're wearing that loose sweater. Let me, let me Sherlock Holmes the shit out of you. And I, um, Greg Berlanti, who is sort of a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm really addicted to it. I'm sending it to my friends. They're binging it like a TV show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you read it, maybe you'll get it. Call me if you get it. You'll also, if you get it, you'll get why I can't write it myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we did, with the help of our assistants, was lightly stalk one person in each room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, brilliant. Nothing you can't find on whatever social media or interviews or websites are out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That didn't happen though, you know, we get a list of who's going to be there. Um, this was, I mean, I credit and blame Greg for this brilliant idea. Um, but we, the point we were trying to make is that you don't really have to be Mr. Robot to stalk someone and get a lot of really specific information about what they get their hair done, where their kids go to soccer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Greg is a really nice guy, very warm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's eyes just got huge, but it proved the point that privacy, privacy is dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't actually even really need to be active yourself on social media. You know humans who are active on social media and if somebody really wants to they can, they can do a lot. You know luckily I think that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people are less unhinged than Joe. But that was one thing we- So, we went around, we sold it, that's what we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lovely folks at Showtime. We wrote a few drafts. We spent probably a year in development at Showtime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we just had a difference of opinion about the direction of the show and they were very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, friendly about it and we sort of parted friends and then with that finished script, lifetime picked it up straight to series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a common way that these things work is that you work with the studio and then the studio


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, essentially the studio is selling or renting it to the network. The network is kind of the buyer. So you have your studio and they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of things are enjoying second and third and fourth lives. Right. Because there, I think probably in the time that this podcast will happen, some new version of Hulu will be born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in this case, you know, I mean, it's kind of above my pay grade, exactly how they make that work. I'm not really in the legal, I mean, I read contracts when they send them to me. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, gender dynamics and stalking and turning and everyone at lifetime was in on that sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we, we knew that after it aired on Lifetime, it would air on Netflix, which is what happened. Internationally, it would premiere as a Netflix original. That's what it wanted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, the day bef- like maybe the day before they had shared internally what that number would be and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So again, Greg Berlanti came by the office and he's like, he was basically like, here, just stand right there. Cause I want to see your face when I touch your thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I've been working on shows that I think could probably be called cult hits maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, even Supernatural, which is a show I worked on for many years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's plenty of people who are like, I don't know where that is, I don't know what that is, that sounds like a witch thing or something, you know, it's not their thing. This is much more of a mainstream...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, when I went on social media, I saw all these memes with Penn Badgley's face in them. And I was like, oh, this is an actual moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That uhm, you know, it goes a little bit beyond the line at Comic-Con.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's, I mean, I don't think any of us are writing so that just our moms will see it. Right. Right. We want people to watch our work. This is a dream, right? It is, it is, yea. And it's also something I made peace with a long time ago that I have no control over. Right. There's something that's so much, that's sort of none of the artist's business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About how their work is received. It's like you do the best you can, you work with your collaborators, you put it out there and then it belongs to whoever finds it and responds to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea that it catches on and a lot of people want to talk about it, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I almost felt like an anthropologist watching that happen. I was very happy for all of the writers and actors and directors and everyone I work with because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to feel like their work is seen and they want to be proud of it and it's fun to work on a show that people know about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I come from uhm, I and many of the writers and producers do come from a background of network TV. It's a different era now in the last few years where most TV, a lot of TV is coming at you and it's like these beautiful 8 or 10 or 13 episode


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Packages wrapped in shiny paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little story and then Julia Roberts will be done. But that's not what it was like when I started in TV, which is over a decade ago. Most of the stuff was like CSI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where you had to really understand how to make an episode, how to cliff hang the episode, and make people wait for next week, which, you know, that model is going away, but we applied it to this because we really wanted an engine. We wanted people to come to the end of the episode and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The longer I do this, the less interested I am in just making a story that has to go on forever in exactly the same form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love working with people who are interested in seeing what happens next when they write themselves into an impossible corner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you have, you know, if you've been doing whatever your craft is for a really long time, you start to get comfortable with the parts that used to be the most uncertain and like, I can't go there because I'm not sure if I can get out. But then as there's, as more and more aspects of your craft become


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't ever want to say easy, but known to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I don't know if this is a w- w- a direct comparison to what the two of you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm sure there are aspects that like took a lot of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully. Someone will figure it. Someone always figures it out. And they tweet it early.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing around with that. We're exploring that. We're going like how far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that, you know, by midway through you're like, okay, I see what she's doing. This guy is unhinged. He's doing really fucked up shit. He's a killer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most conventional life for a woman in our culture and I thought for sure I was immune but I realized I love the great romance and built into that is an expectation that the guy, I mean to be really reductive about it won't take no for an answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But really with that translate, romantic comedy behavior is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This entire thing hinges on lies. Or that you just failed to mention to me that you're the richest man in Asia. Right, right, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had this feeling reading it because it worked on me, it worked on Greg Berlanti, it worked on the writers. So we all, and you know, Penn Badgley was very on board. In life, he is the opposite of Joe. He's like what Joe seems like when you first meet him. He's very sweet and thoughtful, well read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you know, that therapist was crossing a lot of ethical lines. Yeaah. Like, he did deserve to be, if nothing else, picked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So fun. Beautifully, our producing director, Marc Garcia, just shot the shit out of it. I will tell you, like, so early on, we did a screening in, in Austin at the ATX Festival. There's this cool theater called the Alamo Drafthouse. Have you guys? No? Anyway, it's cool that you can get a taco there while you're watching. It's very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did a screening and it was packed because, I think, uhm, largely because Penn Badgley has a lot of fans. And they were very interested to see his new thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it wasn't- I was so kind of- I'd seen everything so many times. I'd been in post and watching the episode a thousand times and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that was one moment in the whole process where I pulled out my phone to text my, you know, writing partner on this and just be like, I think we're going to lose them and never get them back. Because I was feeling the energy of everyone going, you know, and then by the way, he picks up that old lady's luggage with the same hand. And I was like, they're going to hate him. But by the next scene with back,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had won me back. I experienced the same thing and I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, this, again, I have this sort of philosophy when I look at it. It might make sense, it might not. But I like writing stuff that just makes me ask hard questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I do not have a great answer for you about why I would still root for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My intellect being so sure that that is the wrong way to feel and yet I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that's where I come from with it. It's like, let's explore this because this is so interesting to me about my own human nature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, how is a young woman like her supposed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's true, that's very true. I mean, and you know, the curtain thing specifically, when I was her age, I didn't have any fucking money for curtains. Right. And it was the last thing I was thinking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be honest with you, I was like, okay, so I walk by in my underwear, whatever. You know, you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She really has so many layers going on and she makes it so organic and natural that I think it's easy to miss sometimes because it just feels like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta say too, like, when you are on that set and you are inside the cage,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they need all four walls around you because they're made of glass. So you'll see all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was there for much of the filming of the last episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I walked in and she was walking into the cage to do her next shot and she basically spent four days in that fucking cage. I went in there to chat with her and they closed the door and I was like, okay, I might have a panic attack in here. Like it aside from everything else, it is actually really legit. It's legitimately frightening to be locked into a cage, even if you're surrounded by a crew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Infrequent that you would be somewhere physically comfortable. Right. While you're doing anything. You don't know how cold or hot or late or early it is when they're doing what they do and they just, they're doing so many layers of make believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That immediately leads to mind when you ask that question is that there is a difference between real life and fantasy. Of course, yes. And I am no problem with everyone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so many people being fans of a thing where the guy- I- I- I'm not super familiar with the Fifty Shades saga. Is it a saga? It's a trilogy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I have no, I have no judgement about that but I do think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's interesting is to play with where that line is and where it bleeds into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our beliefs about how men and women should really be in their real lives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, the job of the show is to extrapolate, to go from what he thinks, which is, guys like me are always getting jams like this, while he's like in her shower, while she's changing, with her panties in his pocket, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he's like, oh, I'm living that beautiful romance. And we're thinking, no, this has crossed a line. And so I just had a lot of questions about where that line was and what do we really believe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having discovered that I like this in my entertainment, I was wondering how much of it had seeped secretly into my life, and those are the kind of questions we ask ourselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't been single in a few years, but if I met someone I was interested in now, I would definitely go on their Twitter and see how they talk, go on their Facebook, go on any available social media. I would try not to be obsessive. I think I have that level of self-awareness, but when you're like, interested in someone, it feels in 2019, it feels like due diligence.