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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, but, but it's more about my kids because that's frightening, you know.


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[Assistant] It's not even about that. No, I'm not trying, it's not about making money for them. It's just about hoping things work out for them, right?


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[Assistant] I mean, I'm hoping, my wife hopes, but it's terrifying, you know. I mean, just look at all the things you think about with your two kids.


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[Assistant] I used to say ABC, anything but country, but now my kids have kind of got me into it, and they play it all the time, and so, yeaah, there's the song, next thing you know, that's really good. As a parent now, you'll listen to that, and go, okay, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in Pittsburgh, they'll say like, Yen's guys going downtown, hanging around Southside. Cheech yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said you guys going down to the south side and hang around and did you eat yet?


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[Assistant] You kind of grew on me, yeaah. Did your wife have one? Yeaah, she grew up in Texas, yeaah. Oh. Do your parents talk like you? No. Do I what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I try to stay alive, that's a good point. I've abused my body for a lot of years, now I gotta make up for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, played rugby, played sports, you know. Drugs? Uhm, I've done drug, I did drug some when I was a kid, but not so much. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for real. I had some friends that really got fucked up, so I was just like, nah, I don't want to go in that direction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Bud Light, Tito's and soda. That's kind of my go-tos. Do you drink?


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[Assistant] Probably when she was six, we couldn't get rid of her. Uhm, my middle daughter really wasn't into it and my son, probably when he was four or five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nope, just not into it cause everybody's gotta get a tattoo.


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[Assistant] Get a sleeve. Get a sleeve. That would look pretty cool. What would this sleeve be of?


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[Assistant] But yeaah, I wouldn't like it if they got tattoos, honestly, but uhm.


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[Assistant] And since I don't do manifest, I didn't, I didn't like barge in on your manifesting so you get all the manifest energy.


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[Assistant] I'm protecting you, Bobby. I'm protective like that.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, cause I mean, I've done lots of interviews, this is very unique, I like that.


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[Assistant] Which one of the companies that could benefit that you think fits your audience the best?


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[Assistant] I'll make you rich. No, I don't want to make that commitment. Cause you'd be like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, how about that, uh? I think I was the first person to play Mr. Mercury.


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[Assistant] Two decades. I think I've only played maybe two Brits. I find it really hard because it's just a completely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's two completely different characters. When I play an American, I have a little bit of a easier swagger. And when I play a Brit, it sounds fake to me. And then fans write in and say, love Ross McCall, dodgy British accent. I can't win. So I have to stick with the American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone who knows where I was born, it's a place called Greenock. I was brought up in a place called Port Glasgow. It's a very working class area, still is to this day. I love it dearly. It comes with a bit of grip. The crowd you ran around with were always a little bit boisterous, should we say? We're always getting in increments of trouble.


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[Assistant] And the one thing that sort of steered me away from all that nonsense was my love for film. So I would sneak off to the local cinema.


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[Assistant] On the planks of wood that were in there and there were the hot bulbs in the floor which were the twinkly little lights in the ceiling. And so I would pull them out and I would lay down and I'd watch films for hours. And I ended up watching Goodfellas and I was just mesmerised. I look at it now as an adult and as a writer and I can see that that was my first internship in writing. It was the first time I actually listened to something and went


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy, wow. This is an incredible piece of script.


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[Assistant] I left that cinema and I felt ten foot tall.


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[Assistant] I guess you would call it either just an egomaniac or someone who is vastly confident or just highly deluded, but I for whatever reason was like, if there's an American role in the UK of my age group, I've got the best American accent and I wasn't a big head, but I certainly had a vibe of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course I'm in this. This is an American show. It's with Spielberg. My agent was either the smartest woman in the world or she was a tough gambler because I'd heard about it early doors and I nudged her and said, hey, what's going on? Everybody's talking about this show. And she goes, I'm all over it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She goes, I want to wait until it whittles down when they start getting rid of the surroundings and then, you know, going for the kill. And I was like, well, don't miss out. That's a big gamble. And she was like, trust me. And I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was at the Anthony-ium Hotel in Piccadilly in London. To go and meet Tom Hanks. Look, I was a massive Forrest Gump fan. I was a massive Saving Private Ryan fan, big fan. You know, I mean, Tom is the quintessential movie star of our generation. So I was elated. Then the nerves kicked in. And then it's like, all right, how do I be different?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just cause you're meeting him doesn't mean you're getting this gig. And so I remember just researching. I went to the local library, days of dialer.


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[Assistant] I wrote down the Paratrooper song.


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[Assistant] And I knew that it would never serve me.


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[Assistant] Typed that I didn't want to go and dress as a soldier. I'm not that guy. And I just had this bag of notes and he's like, what's that? I'm like, it's all my notes.


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[Assistant] Mr. Hanks, he was on a break from Castaway, so he had the beard and the bandana and we read and he could not have been kinder and sweeter and nicer.


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[Assistant] Great job, kid. So I left that one. Nice job, kid. And then I get a phone call saying the executive producer, Tony Cho. So you had Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks and Tony Cho.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was his development. Steven was there as entertainment muscle, creativity, but it was really Tom was there a lot. Tony was there every day. Tony was the one that was really keeping it ticking along.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this point had given me a speech to learn, so it was a monologue. And so I went in, I did the scene, and at the end, he said, Ross. And I said, yeah. He said, where you from? I looked over my shoulder and I went, Yonkers. And I winked. And I walked out. Yeah, I got the joke. That was it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to think that, for sure, in little Rossy's head, at that point, you need an American in the UK, Ross LeBron is your guy.


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[Assistant] A lot of it comes down to, okay, we're gonna shoot it in the UK and in Europe.


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[Assistant] Then there are tax breaks that need to happen and certain things. So you need to hire a certain amount of people from that country in order to let that country allow such a huge thing. So they knew, okay, we can only hire X amount of Americans and we have to hire X amount of UK.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's a few of them for certain had that kind of vibe for me. I always felt American. I just had a strange little American swagger.


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[Assistant] So I never came up against it. Most of the yanks thought I was American anyway. Everybody really stuck with the accent. Even the people that had some dodgy accents were sticking to them. For the most part. But there were some that would really hold it. And it wouldn't be until, you know, we'd be out drinking in a bar. Eight months down the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'd be like, all right, I'm gonna drop my accent and I'd start talking to somebody with my British accent and be like, that's a terrible British accent. Why are you doing a weird British accent? So I couldn't win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did not, no. Me and some of the boys have actually laughed about this. I'm a Scotsman with a dodgy English accent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing an American paratrooper, speaking German.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of with a tinge of an American accent still within that German. It was all done by parrot fashion. Every script came through was all in English.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I would learn the meaning of what I had to say and then it was all translated for me and I would have to learn it. Well, you know, listen, I had wonderful translators. I could go to them and say, look, if I take a break here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] chunk of German dialogue, and I knew it off by heart, and I'd been practicing, it was on, it was on, it was on, and then I got a call the night before we shot from the translator panicking, saying, it's wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's wrong. What we've given you is wrong. It's this. That was a very panicky late night.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, all of it was all syllable by syllable, yeah.


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[Assistant] Joe was 130 and I got down to 135. Now listen, I was a skinny kid anyway, but I wasn't that skinny. I guess all of us, we were the fittest we'd ever been. Bootcamp really just started getting us in shape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember giving that quote in a magazine at the Chateau Marmont in LA, but there was an element of truth to that for sure. Even to this day, I hate cardio. So getting told, yeah, you've got to run five miles a day. That was horrifying. Everybody at bootcamp had a monster to face. Some people were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how I'm gonna fight people, I don't know how I'm gonna do push-ups and sit-ups, and all of that was fine for me. Running was my Achilles heel. And we'd been given a letter typed out from Dale Die, Captain Dale Die, dated in the 40s, explaining what we could bring and what we couldn't bring. And all we could bring was running shoes, sweatpants, a green towel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couldn't be any color, we had to get a green tail. And the rest would be provided for us. And so I remember saying to my brother, I said, I don't know if I've got a decent pair of running kicks. You know, I've got Nikes that I wear down a pile. And he's like, ah yea, you know, take mine, we're the same size shoe. I said, alright, great. I stupidly didn't try them on until I got to bootcamp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was half a size smaller than me. So I did bootcamp with trainers that were like crushing my feet.


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[Assistant] Every day, on top of doing these five clicks, everybody was like, nah, listen, after the first click your legs go to jelly, but then you're alright. Never happened. For the entire bootcamp, I was breathing out places I shouldn't be breathing. It's my worst nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I call him Dale now, but Captain, at respect, I'll always salute him when I see him, but Captain was like...


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[Assistant] My stepdad, we became really good pals. He was really good to me. And he was good to all the guys. All the guys are his sons. Whether or not they had a hard time with him or not, he loves his boys. And we all knew how to drill. He drilled us beautifully. We could march. We were soldiers, man. We really did. We got there from a bunch of ragtail actors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got in line and we knew how to soldier. One of my greatest compliments from Captain ever was he took, I mean, it's a shame for the other lads, but he took like five of us to one side and said, I would go to war with each of you. I would trust it. And I remember just being like, really like, wow, that's big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he would call me Bolt. It came from when he was in Vietnam. His right hand guy was his driver in Vietnam in the Jeeps. He said Bolt.


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[Assistant] Saved his life and he said, personality wise, I reminded him of him. He still calls me Bolt to this day.


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[Assistant] Good and bad, when he goes up to take care of the Commandant on episode 10, that's factual. They sent him, they knew he'd be the guy that would go and make sure that happened.


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[Assistant] There was a lot of that came to the forefront after the show. We started hearing from people that were connected to Joe.


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[Assistant] So that was unknown to us at the time. Yes, we categorically, for as far as the show went, played him from what we knew, from Dr. Ambrose and the guys. Everybody thought he was Jewish, presumed he was Jewish. That was something that I really wanted to bring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the show, and so it was very important to me. And actually David was really helpful to me when we were at bootcamp.


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[Assistant] We would buddy up together, and my question to him was about his faith. You know, I'm a Catholic boy, so I was intrigued to find out more about the Jewish faith, and he was brilliant. I said to him, look, can I ask you really personal?


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[Assistant] We shot episode one, two, three, five, four.


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[Assistant] And I knew that in episode 8 I had a lot, episode 9 I had a lot, episode 10 I had a lot.


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[Assistant] Then rewrites started coming in very early on and there were one or two of us where they just started growing the world. Four and six were.


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[Assistant] Probably my quiet episode, but the rest I had at least a couple of really intense scenes.


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[Assistant] So they were giving me beautiful moments. Episode 3 with Tipper, episode 5 with a rifle reload and getting shot in the neck. So I was gearing up to this big thing that we knew was coming.


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[Assistant] What you were given to do in any particular episode. A few of us were lucky enough that we had real meat that kept us busy. There were a lot of guys that really didn't and they had to sit by and patiently wait.


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[Assistant] I think we were doing episode five that Tom Hanks was directing. So we'd done one, two, three, five. So we're in episode five and Tom had come over and I'd noticed that I was getting some extra scenes in Tom's episode, which made me very happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember one of the writers, one of my best friends now to this day, Eric Bork, I met him for the first time during episode five and he came over and he singled me out and he sort of took me to one side as we were walking to set and he said, Hey, I just want to let you know that back in Los Angeles,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People have been watching the dailies and dailies are everyday something's shot and we shot it all on film and it's all sent away and people screen it and, you know, before they do any of the post production on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a few of your scenes have been really talked about. And one in particular was when Leapgot goes in after Tipper gets his legs blown off. And actually they ended up using that image.


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[Assistant] At the beginning of the show where Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks have their names. I knew that that was like a real pivotal scene for those guys.


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[Assistant] And I think it was one of the first billboards they put in Times Square as well, that same image. And so I was sort of getting a sniff that they were liking it. And so I ended up having a chat with Tony Toe, we were in between the scene. He said, how you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just said, I'm doing good, how's, you know, how am I doing? And he came and he sat down and he said, you know, he says when we're all watching stuff, we're starting to see who pops. You pop. And then he stood up and he walked away.


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[Assistant] In going to visit one of the camps in Europe.


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[Assistant] Now historically and humanely I wanted to go and I declined in that moment because I knew


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[Assistant] Well, history knew that Easy Company and the other companies that actually did find these atrocities.


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[Assistant] Didn't know what they were. They had no idea if it was Germans or Brits. Nobody knew.


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[Assistant] Some guys really broke down at it. Some guys soldiered through it. I think everybody was just like...


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[Assistant] Various museums. And Banner Brothers from the top down was just A++. We had the best set designers in the world at the time.


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[Assistant] The best prop masters, makeup, hair, costumes, directors, everybody was just the pinnacle of the industry.


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[Assistant] Well that's in three parts and that goes back to having the best of the best. Part of the casting process were they did go out and cast.


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[Assistant] Folks who were slightly emaciated. I know they had doctors that were dealing with a lot of the meanings of these people because there were some people with eating disorders, some people that were just emaciated through illness, some people were emaciated just through


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. And so that's in animatronics. So there is somebody there with wires and that's a body double and, you know, moving the legs and moving the arms and a lot of the corpses that you saw around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] were made in the prop house and it was just devastating. It was so realistic.


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[Assistant] Everybody part. It wasn't just like a rubber mannequin. Just an atrocious sight.


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[Assistant] That killed me. And I thought that actor was wonderful. I mean, what a great scene partner. And he crushed me when he said it. And I just thought to be asked to then go back on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And say, actually guys, no, you need to go back in, I can't let you out. You gotta go back in.


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[Assistant] It was always written as, oh, he delivered the news and got on with business.


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[Assistant] And I just couldn't allow that to slip. I needed the human element to come out of this kid. He sits down and puts his hands through his air and he breaks down. That was like a last shot of the day, quick, you know, eh, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, do that again. Listen, you know what I mean? So a tough emotional day. And also just a chaotic day in the sense of filmmaking. You're there with now 200 people. I mean, you know, you're doing this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two hundred people, your German lines that you've memorised.


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[Assistant] Yes. Yes. There was so much respect. I think that's the best way of putting it. From everybody.


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[Assistant] From the AD, to the director, to the DPs, to the camera guys, to the crew, everybody just respects. Now we also had a job to do. So you're doing that job within those...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guidelines of just, we know what we have to do here, and it's just respect.


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[Assistant] I show this episode in my class. I have kids write to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Saying, I didn't know about this, I didn't know about this, I love the show, but this episode in particular. So to be involved and to be able to tell that story in a way


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That has affected people in the way it has. I'm hugely honoured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was bringing families closer together and then I was getting military personnel come up to me all over the world. I was on set once doing a show in Albuquerque and I was shooting down there for two years. The character gets written into the second season and I'm waiting to meet that actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm shooting a scene, I see this guy loitering around, and I give him a nod, and he nods back, and I know it's the actor coming. And I go over and I say, hey buddy, I'm Ross, nice to meet you. And he was just, I said, you okay? And he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, I'm a veteran. He said, I've been fighting in Afghanistan for years. I'm now an actor. He's a wonderful actor. He does tons of stuff now. And he said, I've been watching you and your guys on a TV screen this big for my last three tours in a tent. And I was like, boy.


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[Assistant] That just shows you. And it's not in awe of me, it's in awe of the show. Band of Brothers has an impact of the greatest storytelling of the greatest generation.


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[Assistant] Even you saying that makes me want to cry. And I mean that. Genuinely. He's a big part of my life, that kid. I'm older than him now. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so every year his birthday comes around, I like to smile about it. And I still have my fake dog tags, but I still got my Leap God tags. I've still got my jump jacket. And it's not because of the show I have that, it's because it's a connection thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lived in his boots for a year, longer. Realistically, 20 years later, we're still talking about it. But for a year, I was 100% Corporal Joseph Deacon.


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[Assistant] To me, it's a legacy that needs to be held high and respected.


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[Assistant] You have a feeling it's starting to ease off. Uh, you can't account for it. It's just a gut feeling, but everybody had that feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Dick in that Chuckie costume? Come on, we're all thinking it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I finally have had some time to be in my house and I, I hung two things. So, and one of them is behind me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, this is some art by my friend Skinner. It's a lot of, uhm, monsters from the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual. So it is a lot of fun. It's... Oh, that's a lot of fun. And, and you like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, I just freaking smoke weed and stare at it for freaking hours, dude. And monsters, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you guys, uh, the fans, go ahead and, uh, send in your votes for what gets the chop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From that, Cat Williams. That's a tough one to pull from, cause it's three hours of gold to mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that sounds like he promoted pretty well if he has strippers going through telling you to take your seats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to. I'm the one who told him to go do club shay shay. He listened to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he's a pretty prolific guy, but I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, also super funny dude, bro. Dude, arguably kind of the same comic. Kat and Kyle Mooney. But kind of the same like, yea, kind of the same vibes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I just think that, uh, you know, Kat likes to have a mystique and be mysterious and I do also think he has the comedy to, to, to back it up. But yeah, he's a bit of a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if somebody at the live tour hit Kyle, you don't think Kyle would have definitely gotten a car and left?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might want to rewatch the three hours again, just take some notes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moving right along. Okay, do, uh, I read a book. Moving right along. Okay, so Kyle, how's that, uh, is it affecting your body? Yeah. I don't know. It's alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your blood is pace picante, bro. New York City. This dude's blood is classico.


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[Assistant] We were gonna retire the points, but they're still here today. Type Spaghetti-O.


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[Assistant] Oh, wait, what? Oh, that is a tough one. I've gotta-


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[Assistant] That was our second stop on the tour and that theater was so gorgeous, like, it had me a little shook. Was that so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember being in the airport and you're like, I'm not gonna talk this weekend. I'm like, that's not gonna be good.


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[Assistant] Thank goodness. You little cat bastard.


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[Assistant] I've definitely had people in my lives that have got hip surgery, but they're all so old that when they talk about it, I do not listen. At all.


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[Assistant] And I'm gonna go ahead and get in protective mode.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, they walk hella cool. Just wide. My boys got a waddle. Got that walk. They look good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck? I do not remember Columbus. What the hell happened there? That was when Kyle Gass was at that show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kid Rock's presence is near. I'm sensing Kid Rock.


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[Assistant] That was Halloween and we all had the costumes and it was just a blast. I don't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I went right back to just being drunk around him. It was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, the other one I really liked was Kansas City was rowdy, dude. They were so freaking hyped in Kansas City. That crowd was... Kansas City went off.


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[Assistant] That crowd was fucking nuts. That was a good one.


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[Assistant] Herding cats? I'm in. Yeah, that one was off the chain. Yeah, it was like stepping on ca- Herd. Herd. So it was like ripping cats in half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks like you got a hand grenade down there, bro. What the hell? Is that a good shape? It's like a Cornish game hen. Hen? It's like a Cornish game hen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole trip was fucking cool. It's cool to see all the cities and like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we, they said we broke some sort of record. Yeah, they're like, holy shit.


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[Assistant] There was that dude out there just in like a Texas flag speedo and a cowboy hat and neither of them were coming off as he shredded the waves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a boxing glove in his pants or is he just happy to see me?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna talk shit about everybody. You did, and I appreciate that. Thank you for the coffee. Shae Shae Radio. Yea, we went and got you. But now that I know that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that was delicious. That was very good. That was good. The bread. The bread. Oh my god, the bread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what were they? They were turnovers. They were turnovers. They were, I believe they were, or popovers? What the fuck were they called? Yeah, popover I believe. It's something, but they were delicious. It's something. Yeah, it was bread. Yeah. Tasty! It's bread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Popovers, turnovers, something delish. Yeah, I was gonna call it bread. Um. Yum, yum, we like that.


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[Assistant] And for that we're grateful. And we are very grateful. And Kyle does LSD, so we're not that far off.


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[Assistant] Just for the bit. Just for the bit. I ate the bone. It's in the commercial. No, he really did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd like to, I'd like to do it more. It'd be cool to go to the desert with you guys and like really get after it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even- people always tell you how gross mushroom- like, it's not that bad, you just fuckin-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, you're talking about shi-taki.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then- But also, those are slimy. These are just dry, it's like even beef jerky that gets you fucked up kind of.


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[Assistant] In five, five months, they're gonna just bust every store that sells it. It's gonna be RAID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, it's really cool to see the side of you, Blake. Thanks, man. I'm getting super political this year. That's my... Yeah, polychar. New Year's resolution. Pocha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy. I think he's been kind of lost to the 90s and it kind of sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simba's not dead? Yes he is. What? I don't know.


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[Assistant] But he's still live, he's still one of our best. If you haven't watched any of his movies or stand up, tap in cause the guy is a-


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[Assistant] Yeah, it does. Ohhh, so- And this is why I'm voting! So...


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[Assistant] I like that. Let's see. Special epic slams. What else is it? Compliments, take backs. Compliments. Did you pull any cat quotes for the board? I'm still working on that. Okay, cool. This was like a week ago. Still working.


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[Assistant] I didn't know if the board was still a thing or if we were cutting the board. I was getting...


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[Assistant] Yep, we got that one. Oh, this one from Ders. That one's gonna hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different speed. Stop crying about it. Jesus Christ.


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[Assistant] This is automatic. I've got a thing for guys with lasso's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who gives a fuck? Westboro, yeaah. Something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come out to Atlantic City and teach us how to play. Oh that would be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you drink Zoa energy drinks, it gives you big Dwayne energy. The swag, the confidence, and energy to help you conquer your day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still basking in that glow. But we've been working on not letting it go to our heads, which I appreciate.


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[Assistant] Our producer. Our producer is one of the voters. Okay. Did she vote for us? That's the question. Anna, drop it in the chat. And she says... Circle yes or circle no. And there's nothing coming up. And she said yes. Okay, so there's one vote.


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[Assistant] So I wonder if there's like three voters and, you know, we got one in the bag. She works with us. So, you know, I think, uh, I think it was kind of stacked in our favor. So lucky us.


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[Assistant] No, never ever. I also just, uh, got an email saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want to re-up your membership to the academy? Okay. Uh, the television academy?


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[Assistant] And I'm like, yeah, it costs like 200 bucks, so I'm like, yeah, I guess. And I also was like, I didn't know I was in this shit. Yeah, what the hell? You're part of the academy? What are the perks? I literally have no idea. I don't know how long I've been in it. I don't know how many times I've said.


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[Assistant] Someone might've said yes on my, my behalf and just is paying this thing.


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[Assistant] And I don't know if there's a single perk. Like I should at least like get like a free Hulu subscription. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like at least hook me up with some Netflix shit.


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[Assistant] Uh, I would say Paramount Plus, I literally never watch it now. Yeaah, that thing, what's on there? And they're garbage, they're garbage to me.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I'm kinda hyped on that. Don Stewart. Don Stewart. It's Don Stewart. I think we did talk about it. Or did we just talk about it in our lives outside of the podcast world? Because I don't like- I think we might have talked- Cause all we talk about is Comedy Central. Yeaah, we can't stop talking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, what we talk about is our old bosses. Uh, yeaah. Yeaah. I mean, it's fine.


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[Assistant] Kills it, that could come, that could come in and like revitalize the show. Cause you're just like, yeah, okay.


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[Assistant] Right. But where do people watch it? Is Comedy Central still a network? Can you still? On Paramount Plus. That's why I brought it up. Yeah. Oh, you gotta watch it on Paramount Plus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can watch like his, you can watch his like monologue or whatever you would call it. Like his real, like the big chunk of his, of his written stuff. And that shit is always frickin' fire dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me help you. Well, I, I might have, uh, taken a crucial misstep in promoting our show because I posted a video of, uh, and it's not, it's not a real, you know, he's not actually sucking on my titty, but I posted a video of my son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause, cause if you're doing that I'm coming. Just shooting rockets out of his teeth. For the bit. For the bit. He'll have teeth by then.


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[Assistant] Will you expand on that? People were like, bad timing, bro. People were like, bad timing. And I'm like, bad timing? What are you talking about? It's like, I just had a kid. Do you say something else in his bad timing? He's now, he's now my prop. Uh, I just had a child. Uh, no, and then like reading the other comments, I guess it's because like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bunch of celebrities are being outed as pedophiles, but I'm like, I don't think that that's real. I think that's just conspiracy theory, like bullshit. No co-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that many more in Hollywood. Uh, I mean maybe. Maybe. Percentage wise. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] My algorithm is out of control, dude.


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[Assistant] I don't even know that that's a thing, dude. Mine- and by the way, it's- now it's not even-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my algorithm thinks I'm a, I'm literally a breastfeeding mom. I think it does. It's all like breastfeeding stuff and like little kids, shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't get enough, dude. I can't get enough. Uh, well, it's basically our entire lives right now. There's so much milk everywhere. So, you know, having a kid, it's a wild ride. Suddenly you go from being able to do whatever you want to suddenly you still get to do whatever you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a little, like, pizza restaurant that's right down the street from our house that's like a little stroller walk away. And I'm like, that's my angle. I'm like, I think we could make it there. We could, you know, get a pitcher of beer, watch a game. Blackout. Blackout Tron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think you just leave them in the stroller, right? And then you hold them, and then you also hold them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh that makes them very sleepy. Well it's an indoor pizza restaurant, it's not an outdoor.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of sun. No, shaded from the light.


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[Assistant] When we did it, Chloe's like, ah, people are gonna come after you for this. And I'm like, I think those people are dorks and I don't want them following me or liking my shit anyways. Hey, now we're talking. Cause they won't. And then now that it's happening, I'm like, yeah, I should have probably not done it. Oops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. So that's the, that's the bit. Have you tried? Have you honestly tried? Well, I'm, I'm expressing. I'm expressing. Am I? Express yourself. I'm pretty fat now, dude. Coming back from Austin, I was the fattest I've ever been.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're saying, I would say I enjoy California tacos more. It's a different version. That's just straight up like.


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[Assistant] It's just a super hairy ass crack. Hey, Anders, thanks. Thank you. I'd like to give you my thanks.


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[Assistant] They stamped it. Yeah, I would believe it. Well, I mean, I feel like Texas, everything's bigger, so it's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The meat is chunkier, the tacos are bigger, and I enjoy that as a, as a obese man. Sure. As a man who technically- As a wide mouth man. As a man who technically right now is obese, uh, I enjoyed it. You saw me house- Not even technically.


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[Assistant] Yeah, literally, literally.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. You went to Torchies? Well, well, I didn't go to Torchies. I, I had the late flight. Oh, that's right, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tacos are way bigger too. I would have ballooned. I would have gotten past 210. That's... Yeah, yeah, no. By the way,


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm 201 right now, so the weight is droppin' off, man. It really, it really is. You know what the best diet that I found? What's that? Starvation. Because that's what I'm doing. I'm so hungry. Are you? I'm so fucking hungry. What do you do to subside the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you microwaving this shit? No, they're overnight oats, and then I ate that, and then some blueberries, and then a salad with some chicken breasts on it.


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[Assistant] Well, cause I haven't been able to work out for a few months because of my fucking elbow, right? What the hell? Now it's an elbow?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, back in the hip, I could work out at least upper body, and I could do just some different shit. The elbow, I got tendonitis in it, and it fucking kills me so much, I just got a shot in it the other, uh, yesterday. What? And I'm hoping, I'm hoping that that hurts. By the way, I've gotten shots in- I know how to cure it. I can cure it for you, pal. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's where they take your blood. And what is PRP? That's where they take your blood, they spin it around, they take all the white blood cells out, and then they inject just the white blood cells into the injured part of your body. What the hell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you never had it done? I've had it done so many times this past year.


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[Assistant] Out of the, yeaah, out of the spinal, actual the, the fluid in the spinal tap is clear, it's like water, it's fucking bizarre.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was fucking real strong. And, uh, and then I've seen my body melt like a candle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hanging over the... the... the...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm built like just, that's my whole body, it's just like one. I'm built like a thumb. Yeah, just my whole body is just that.


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[Assistant] Like a lot of bodies you're skinny legs and then you V out a nice taper. Yeah, you're one. I'm one size. Yeah, one direction. The whole way down.


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[Assistant] I've been your size before, I've been 165 pounds before.


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[Assistant] I was 165 and I didn't wear smalls. I wore mediums. And those, I had to throw those all away.


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[Assistant] I didn't even keep them. I'm like, these are going in the trash. I'll never get back to this.


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[Assistant] Well wait, you said that you do buy medium. You said, so you lied to us to be cool or something. I don't know. Do you want to see it? Do you want to see my underwear? Well, you keep talking about it. Yea, you keep talking about it. We'd love to see it.


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[Assistant] Seven years ago. Ten years ago. My god, I remember when they gave us the stance underwear. Jesus Christ.


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[Assistant] That's really good to know. It's good to know. And what's cool is like, I'm finding myself growing out and I'm like, I'm not gonna buy extra large underwear. Okay.


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[Assistant] I'm too, I'm too short to, or refuse. I just won't, I won't.


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[Assistant] Yeah, mine are pants, because my pant game...


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[Assistant] It's just do not fit me. I'm not built for pants. You know what I'm really excited about? Uh, is now the style is like straight leg.


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[Assistant] Yeah, blousy. But then, but then, if I wear that, people are gonna go, oh, he is obese. Like, he's hiding a lot of thighs in there. Like, his thighs are really filling that thing out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oops, oops. Yeah, we might've, we might've drank a...


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[Assistant] I haven't seen that. I have seen, uh, people, like, do walking lunges up and down the aisles. Really? Oh yeaah. I've seen that, I've seen that more than one time. I've seen that more than one time. Was it fucking Jillian Michaels? Who is this?


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[Assistant] Uh, we were, we, it was the best dude. They put us on this like big ass private yacht. It was the fucking best cause it was during COVID and they're like, you can't stay at hotels. It's too dangerous. We have to put you on this yacht. We're so sorry. And we're like, oh, oh man. What? No. Oh no. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuh, local beers, uuuh. All the drinks you can handle, uuuh, no.


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[Assistant] That's, that's, that's a wrap. I remember you doing that. I remember being, Durs is being like really hot right now. I remember, I remember thinking that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have my mic on, I have my mic on, uh, and it's fine.


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[Assistant] Attacked by a shark. Bit, yeaah, you gotta get bit. Which, which, remember they kept telling us, like, in our 25 year history or however long, no one's ever been bit by a shark. So you guys are safe, don't worry about it. Cause we're free diving, or we're in scuba tanks, but we're diving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, uh, with sharks. There's no cage. We're just with sharks. They're everywhere.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that, it was, it was in that moment that we thought the mama shark was gonna, uh, come attack. That I saw Durz's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're trying to swim under the water. Ders was like a fucking dolphin, dude. And we were just with, uh, we weren't scuba diving, we were just, uh- Snorkeling. Snorkeling at this time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then jumped up onto the deck, the platform, like without the ladder. He got up there so fucking fast.


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[Assistant] Super aggressive. Super aggressive. But the baby, guess what? You know who's near the baby? The mama. Mama. And so we-


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[Assistant] So essentially when you're filming, for people that don't know, when you're filming, if you don't cut for lunch, cause it's like a union show. You bought it. Then everyone gets like time and a half or whatever the penalty is. It's fucking cool, man.


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[Assistant] I was very scared, yeaah. I was a little scared.


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[Assistant] Wall lunges up here. Well, that's why they need to have a gym in the back. I, I do, I do that too a little bit though, cause I hate the, the, the bulkhead. I hate the bulkhead. What is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the, oh, that's the first seat? The, the front, the very first seat, they call that the bulkhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's rules, Adam. Cause you can't stretch out your legs. And my, my legs, they like, you know, I got some bad legs. I got some real doo doo legs. If I can't stretch them out, you gotta get that tat. They'll cramp up and it's a whole fucking thing. So yeah, I will. I, I don't like that about myself, but I'll put my feet up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The shoes are on. The shoes are on. Socks on or off? This was the shoes off. This was the shoes and socks off? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Oh, well that's a no no. Yeah, yeah. That's a no no.


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[Assistant] I, I mean, yeah, but I have been known to take them off and just go si- if I'm just in- Shoes off, I think is okay. Shoes off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No socks off. The socks have to stay on.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I always go, I lay her up, I'm wearing a hoodie, and then I can take the hoodie off, wear it as a little blankie.


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[Assistant] They can still do that. No one has ever done that, except for I do. It just won't see your face. I've done it like a dozen times. Every flight I've taken with you, I take photos and videos of you sleeping. And that is why these guys, I'm telling you what.


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[Assistant] Video picture. I want no media. This guy's an egomaniac, dude. I want no media of me like this.


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[Assistant] It's cause you're from California. It's fr- it's from your- you're from California, so you don't-


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[Assistant] I mean, Isaac will do this too. And Kyle. Uh, you guys will just like not plan for the weather even a little bit because you assume it's gonna, you assume it's gonna be 70 degrees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that might not be- Oh, that's right! They like said they were leaving, and then they found them just in the backyard. Wait, who knows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we make it five steps. It's, I'm actually so surprised that we haven't, uh, died, died some workaholics.


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[Assistant] I love that guy in the friend group. But dude, I thought, dude, okay, sure, but. No, there's gonna be some way I'ma find. Not me. I thought, I thought you run, I thought you run hot and you're fine with the cold. You wear umbrellas. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You're never gonna catch me freezing because I run hot and if I start to get cold, I'ma find a way to warm up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we had to strip down into our underwear to keep each other warm. And so we slept that way the rest of the night. So if you're ever for hypothermia reasons, you got to strip down and get in the, and I mean, even as a little kid, I'm like, this is an insane story that you tell me all the time. He's always coaching me to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you're like, yeah, okay dad, sure. And you tell me this a lot, actually. Yeah, this is a story that you keep bringing back. Yeah, and that's that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Anna, super quick. Joey and Michael, who fought over the same woman 13 years ago, now have, upon her death,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I grow my hair out, floof me, and I'm always going like, fucking get outta here! Dude, last night, last night was a movie!


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[Assistant] Nooo, no, no, no. Cause out of the three of us, you're the only one who's never directed a damn fucking thing, so. Yeah, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Money in the bank. No holes. The judge comes over all the time to tap in. Yea, no holes. Yea, judge is a good friend, he kinda swings over and is he a good friend or is he gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, of all the characters, why the fuck is the judge always popping in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. No, we don't want to get started. We do not- we do not want to get started. We do not want to get- Oh, so the swamp showed up again. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we'll take it to, uh, my one judge. Paramount Plus. I'm sure they have the rights to it, those little bitches. Any take backs? Any apologies? Any epics? Harsh language. Of course. I'm pissed now. Uhm, no, I'm waiting for it. That dumb thing you said? The other dumb things? Can you take it back? What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta double, triple down. I'm gonna, my next child, I'm gonna have two, and he's gonna be like four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the other child is gonna be on there. It's gonna be a whole thing. It's gonna be my new brand is breastfeeding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you did? Maybe they'll show up in Atlantic City. Get your tickets. Atlantic City! Ooh, Atlantic. Dude, I'm April 19th. I'm so stoked for this. It's gonna be a blast. Oh, it's gonna be wheels off, baby. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little far away. I've been to Atlantic City once and had a great time. And I think we are gonna have a blast once again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's underwater, right? Perfect. That's Atlantis. That is Atlantis. Yeah, you guys were thinking of that. Oh, shit, shit, shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I do my swim move again? Oh, I thought we were pulling up to Atlanta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sucks. That sucks that it's, it is, it's all on land. As far as I know. I think everything is in... Damn. That sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the fun thing that we do as a couple of wild boys off the leash for a one day getaway. We all treat ourselves to Hard Rock Atlantic City Letterman Jack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, exactly. We're all gonna sign it and we're gonna frame it to commemorate this event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put it behind you, like there's nothing, you're set up, I will say sucks, it's a bad set up. Yeah, you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good. I'm watching so much TV. It's kind of the best. This age is like, I understand it's gonna be, get real hectic, but right now, uhm, it's kind of the best. You just sort of sit on the couch, you hold them a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You feed him with a bottle. Yes, Jesus, Jesus. With a bottle, not out of my titty, it was a joke. Unless it's too far away, for sure, for sure. Yeah, come on, Jesus. Yeah, so it's kind of dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No take backs, any apologies, any, uh, giveaways?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Myself, Blake and Anders are hitting the Hard Rock Casino Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City to bring TII Nation another live show. Is it the last one ever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Possibly. Tickets are available now at HardRockHotelAtlanticCity.com or you can go to the link in our bio on our AtPodImportant Instagram page. Get your tickets now because they gonna sell out. Come party with us in Atlantic City!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but my favorite is, uh, dude, I think he's here. He was staying in our hotel. He's like, hey y'all, naked grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my favorite part. Dude, there was a rock quarry when I was growing up. You had to walk through a cornfield to get to it, and then there's this huge fucking rock quarry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, so Isaac's like, yeah, so fucking last night got away from us. And I'm like, what, what, what do you mean? And he was like, yeah, fucking, you guys went-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I feel like, uh, I don't know if I physically would have been able to shoot the movie because I've been in so much pain lately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I looked down and I hadn't been home for a few months. I was off shooting something and I came home and there was a fucking, uh, scorpion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what's your one homie that's always in the Jean-Claude Van Damme splits?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was an old actor that lived in my house, uh, um, Cesar Romero, and he was the original Joker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the historic Louisville hotels most famous ghost stories is that of the lady in blue. On July 16, 1936, 24 year old Patricia Wilson was found in one of the hotel elevator shafts wearing a long blue dress with long dark hair. A newspaper report listed her death as a suicide or accident. Or was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, the thing about the lady in the blue dress at the Seelbach Hotel, uh, is she committed suicide. So then, whatever the rules of the afterlife are, are like, okay, now you gotta like stay in this hotel. And I hope the Seelbach Hotel is dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this one's sad. The Chicago woman, she was 104 years old. You guys see this shit? She skydives from a plane. She was aiming for the record to be the oldest, uh, world's oldest skydiver. Okay. And she was. She did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she did, she did say as she was jumping out of the plane, let's go. So she was kind of a bro-grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What drug? And then what was your worst trap? It was mushrooms, and we were, we were, uh, sitting on my buddy's couch, I was like 17 years old, and I'd look over and there was a, like a potted tree in his living room, and it wasn't the tree anymore, it was Suge Knight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I'm like giving him a ride and smoking weed and he's like, have you ever smoked weed with embalming fluid in it? And this is after we've smoked the weed and I go, fuck, ew, no, of course not dude. And then he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This kid. So I go and I'm buying him cigarettes and then I just found myself looking at the oil.


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[Assistant] Justin G. It looks like Juds- Judson? Judson?


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[Assistant] Damn, I'm never gonna forget that. I'll take that to the grave when I die of diarrhea and you guys all laughed at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is she? San Jose Behave. Quiet. Everyone shut the fuck up. Mom. Hold on, let's pretend I'm seancing. Mom.


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[Assistant] Yeah, actually he could be a rapper. He would be really good rapper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it, like two? Yeah, it's the, it's the, no, it wasn't Issa Bagel Night. It was not Issa Bagel Night. I was, because I was here in the bay, and they had won the championship. I, I was in the car with my brother and cousin Feek. He's a rapper, he's like, uh, sick with it records or whatever. We went to this club. Okay, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not happening dude, it's like this is the, this is the after part. His hair is too short.


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[Assistant] The window is rolled down and none other than fucking Clay Thompson.


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[Assistant] Awesome, dude. Me too. That's dope. Yea, I was very sick. Very sick. I love it. Shout out to AJ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go. Start your engines.


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[Assistant] But Ders, you did actually puke.


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[Assistant] Yeah, don't really have a ton of time. But with him, like, I actually lost track of time sitting next to him because it was like, just the coolest, realest dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pastor Nelly. Pastor Nelly. It ends with Nelly. I'ma ride with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's gonna push me in a slightly different direction maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm uh, I'm saying that there's a difference between roller skating and inline skating.


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[Assistant] I actually found, I think I've tried quads before and I'm not good at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How big is an elephant before it can breed? Can they breed at the, when they're small?


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[Assistant] Wait, was this before or after Madea? Before. Oh!


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't like it either, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mine, mine, I would like mine to be Richard Packington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about if you did, what if you did your middle name and Hammy? What does that turn into so you take the numbers out? Hammy Patrick? Patrick Hammy?


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[Assistant] Here we go. Start your engines.


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[Assistant] Good to be here. It's really good to be here, Bay Area.


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[Assistant] There's always a few people that come when there's a crowd this size and it's like a girlfriend or a boyfriend or them they, whoever, that shows up, uh, and has not listened to the podcast and you're like, oh, what the fuck is this about? And then they watch us just sit here and talk to each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say that this is probably looking at our whole, uh, tour schedule that this is our most horniest city. Wait a minute.


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[Assistant] And then, and then, as it was ha- this is why I was like, oh, the Arizona's like one of the horniest spots, is as we were fucking, I heard someone in the window above, it was open, but it was the, like, mesh or whatever.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I know, I think we took off right away. I don't know if that was the move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My first, uh, car when I moved to LA, also a, not a gift, my aunt and uncle made me pay for it, a, uhm, like a 98 Explorer, and, uh, I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was almost a tragedy. I flipped it on the freeway and then I like, it was raining in LA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was going down to Orange County to do some stand up shows and I hydroplane and spun like five times like you see traffic coming towards you and then you're driving straight again and then you see traffic coming towards you again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you must be high on drugs or like drunk or something, right? And I'm like...


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[Assistant] And then I go, well can I, uh, use one of your phones to call the police? And they're like, nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So Blake, tell a very detailed story about how you almost died in a car. Ready go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me have it. I saw you in high school. You, uh, were sexy. You look sexy as fuck. Thank you.


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[Assistant] Wasn't, was basically crippled, but, uh, I looked super fast, and my mom was like, you have to get a haircut or you're gonna be grounded. Like, your hair looks fucking stupid.


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[Assistant] They're like, that's a great year I was born that year. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And uh, and so I pulled up and then I had my friend record my mom and she's out watering the flowers in her front yard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kevin Federline, Britney Spears, the woman that dances alone in her living room, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of Britney Spears, sure Blake, uh, yeaah, be supportive for sure, but also she's alone going like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she was married to this homeless guy that Kyle looks identical to.


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[Assistant] For sure. Hey guys. Hey guys. For sure. Right? Yea, there's no doubt. But also, she does need help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kevin Hart has like Fabletics. Right. Or like Tommy John's underwear or one of the many other things he sells. Like a company, not like a hobby? Yea, a company. We should, I mean, I'm all on board. I've never used body lotion, but I'm ready to be the body lotion king. Woah, that's like Pharrell.


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[Assistant] No, but I feel like we're known for looking more moist and young than Pharrell.


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[Assistant] So we got, uh, some, uh, cues from the audience.


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[Assistant] And then this man, this like 280 pound man was like,


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[Assistant] God, I wish we knew his name because it'd be so fun to call him out and have one of the students just be like, not even, I feel like high school students don't listen to our podcast, it's like their cool stoner parent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Baker? Mr. Baker, you good?


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[Assistant] Okay, Aiden Bledsoe, out of the TV show and Game Over Man, what are you most proud of making, entertainment wise? Kyle, you go first.


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[Assistant] I think it turns into Zombie pretty much in this world right away.


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[Assistant] You know, we rehearsed that scene for months, and uh,


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[Assistant] It's like a will-they-won't-they between me and my ex-satanic youth pastor.


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[Assistant] This one's, uh, I'll take this one. When is Eric Griffin, Montez, coming on the live tour? Said Zach D and Sam.


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[Assistant] Why aren't there any 2X Aruguloid shirts? Chonky girls like salad too.


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[Assistant] Where is Natalie Meyer? There she is. House lights up please.


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[Assistant] Blake is the big serial killer fan of our group. Who's your favorite? My favorite serial killer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that's my least favorite. What you just did is what my mom and all of her friends do on Facebook where they're like, what's your favorite type of ice cream? Go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome back to This Is Important, uh, joining us today is Adam DeVine, Kyle Nowacek, Blake Anderson. Hey! Hey! What's up, guys?


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[Assistant] Can I just say that I don't want to offend anybody. He was not wearing a curtain.


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[Assistant] I think if I was in the dairy section of the grocery store and she was like, excuse me, like,


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[Assistant] It's not between us, it's with us. Why do we stop? Don't.


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[Assistant] Wow. Wow. That's cool. Neither am I.


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[Assistant] What stadium were you at? What field were you at? Uh, Seattle. What's the name of that one? And did you hit? You did batting practice? Yeah. Did you, did you make contact?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it doesn't, the softball bat, the softball bat is like the same diameter for longer than a baseball bat. A baseball bat kind of.


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[Assistant] See, that's fucking cool, dude. That's like baseball practice shit. You gotta hit it down the third base line in order to get to first base. That's great shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love if they did like uhm... Either was I. I was a bunter. I did. I did a lot of bunting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how often is, is there, cause like pitchers can't pitch them for like, but they're just load managing constantly? All the time. What the fuck is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So with all these like lime scooters and stuff and basically like, you know, fast ass things, you don't have to wear a helmet. You don't have to do anything like that. You can just roll on the road. Like what happened? How is that a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sideshows, like the, the sideshows, the vehicles, all that stuff.


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[Assistant] Have you ever been able to find that balance where you can pull it up and fucking still pedal and keep going? Oh dude.


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[Assistant] I think I could find it. It's like, uh, yeah, it's just great. I would love to see you try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was also decent at a unicycle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this was pre-razor. That's important to point out. This was very much pre-razor scooter. We were getting the old scooters from like Toys R Us and fucking- Who's making this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like older kids, older kids, like you know people who graduated high school or high schoolers.


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[Assistant] So is this in response to juveniles or all of the tiny deaths? What are we responding to here? Okay.


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[Assistant] Somebody, some fucking, some fucking new DJ should start remaking Tchaikovsky and fucking Bach and just run that shit for how long those symphonies are and see what that does. That'd be sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is building on that. This is building on that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was two packs of the like orange American spirits, like at the end there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] American spirits were weird. They were like, it's pure tobacco, no additives, but I don't know what that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, dude, that's so sick. Yea, that's fire, dude. Just so someone can step on it. I got a buddy, I got a buddy that still rocks a chain. Well, that's probably his way of saying I don't have a watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can attach it to the belt loop in the pocket and actually I feel like at that time there was pants that were made with a loop that you didn't have to have a wallet. You could just connect it to your pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we talking about, uh, Leave it to Steve? What's the name of his show?


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[Assistant] I don't think I, I'm not so bad at connecting onto a baseball. You can't hit a baseball. I mean, I can hit a softball. Well, it was, it was softball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm only asking because I know that the game has, the game has changed in a way where there's no longer like skilled hits. It's everyone's swinging for the fucking fences because someone crunched the numbers and it was like, if you just go for a homer every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was only asking because for like the base, the basketball all-star game, it's like dunk contest, people still dunk. Three-point contest, people are shooting three-pointers. Is the bunting now like a fucking like, oh, they used to do this and now we kind of do it for fun on all-star weekend. I'm just asking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get the quickest guys out there and then see who can survive the pickle.


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[Assistant] But guess what, if I fucking buy $400, $600 tickets to go see the Lakers and Lebron's not playing because of load management or whatever the fuck it is, I know he's not usually that guy, but like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Like that was, not only was it like, he was amazing, but also, uh, whose other dude who he just went tit for tat with back and forth. Oh, uh, Aaron Gordon. Aaron Gordon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's his drink of choice? I think he was drinking like a...


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[Assistant] So yeah, Kyle, I was in Oakland for 24 hours. I went up there to a trail race, just did a trail race, got some dinner and got the hell out of there. Fuck yeah, dude. Uh, Oakland. Did you drive or fly? They're having a good time. We flew up, we flew up. Nice, nice. You had fun in Oakland?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my theory is like, smaller cities, they just let you kind of get away with it because it's manageable, right?


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[Assistant] The doors of clubs just open with the loudest music you've ever heard blasting out of it, right? Like the streets are loud, people are on the ATVs just like popping wheelies and shit, no helmets, like 12 year olds, right? And it's great, it's a vibe, but I'm like, you can't do this in like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bigger city like Chicago, L.A. Phoenix!


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[Assistant] On some next level shit. In a way where I was like, you know when you go somewhere and you're like, man, everywhere's kind of the same, there's the same sparrow pizza everywhere I go. Yeaah. And you're in it. You just see the same. And we're going. But like we're losing the like vibe of cities, everything's kind of the same, you get the same food, same shopping, whatever, same kind of culture almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oakland is like, nah, we're still doing absolutely the opposite of what everyone else is doing. I loved that. I loved it because I was like, Oh, I feel like I'm somewhere else.


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[Assistant] Well it's definitely like, not shocking, but you're just kinda like, oh fuck.


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[Assistant] It's where you had bike racks, and then there was like a cage that was like 12 feet tall, like a fence around you, and then it would get locked up. So Peter, you'd steal bikes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause during school, people would just come and steal bicycles from our school. Like older kids.


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[Assistant] In a cage. Yeaah. So it's just double locked.


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[Assistant] Yes, and so five minutes after the bell, the cage is locked. You can't get your fucking bike out. And then like five minutes or like I guess when you're let out of school, the security guard unlocks the bike cage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it the new MTV Unplugged essentially? Pretty much. Now am I crazy? I don't love it because it's just kind of like, kitschy.


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[Assistant] How many people like juvenile that are like watching The Tiny Desk?


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[Assistant] It didn't seem like, uh, it just seemed authentic. It seemed real. This seems like a fucking kitschy kind of leg. Well, this is kind of funny.


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[Assistant] Here's my theory, here's my theory you guys, because we're striking right now and Adam can't do, uh, press, he's saying crazy shit like this so that it goes viral and they go, Adam Devine star of a movie we can't talk about went after Joe, is this what's happening Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, we just are all tapped out. Is it like, fuck, I'm starting in the pants and shoes. I'm like, are they wearing like dress shoes to school, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the chain wallet just so people don't steal your wallet?


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[Assistant] I don't understand how you guys have any sort of energy for this. Oh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Blake and I were talking about how it's just like, it's a young man's game for Schizzle. Uhm, and... Hold this guy now. It's like... Nope. Adam's 14.


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[Assistant] You, you totally understand that people are just getting milked. They're like, yeah, go out there for an entire year and play your album over and over and over again. And like these 20 year old kids in bands are like, yeah, sick. Like we'll become millionaires and like see the world in a lot. But you like, you for sure lose years off your life. Well, what's crazy is it, we've done it.


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[Assistant] We say method. Cause we're locals.


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[Assistant] So you think they were costumes, you don't think they were actual wizards? Cause that's news to me. They were costumes. They were costumes. They were not what I talked to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm over it now. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just a lifestyle for us. And I'm like, seen it before, not wowed. It is cool to see if you've never seen it before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I noticed, uh, Lamal, Lamal spells well, uh, he was like, he was like, hey, good to see you. And I was like, what's in your pocket? And he had like four, uh, red bulls that he just took out of our fridge. And I was like, what? I was like, just ask, you can have them. You don't have to take them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got that local tang, whereas the Chicago theater, fancy place, people coming in from the suburbs, a night in the city, maybe getting a fancy dinner beforehand. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, like, come backstage and down into the fuckin' under whatever, underbelly of the Chicago theater, which is just like not something everyone gets to do. I think that's fuckin' cool. And all the signatures, everyone who's ever performed, right? Like, the walls are ADORNED. Yeah. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause here's, here's the risk. The risk is, there's like, okay, everybody probably has like four or five restaurants in their local town that they grew up going to that they're like, this is the shit, right? And so if you're bringing your homies to one, you gotta bring them, you gotta like pick and choose. And I go, all right, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did the dude say? The dude behind the counter who looks like Popeye was like, you guys know I'm famous too, right? I go to the Cubs games, people are like, Buffalo Joe's, Buffalo Joe's. I'm like, fuck off. I'm not taking a picture with you.


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[Assistant] And for people out there who know what the fuck this is, Royal Crown Cola is served.


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[Assistant] Death row was definitely in the house. Absolutely.


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[Assistant] What are we talking about? The airport? They're like, there's a blue horse with red eyes. And it's fucking scary. And if you look at the airport from the sky, it's a swastika shape. And you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's how it went. I go and I work out and I'm like, I'm just going to go kick it by the pool. We've got a couple hours. So go out there and I set up and I jump in the pool and I'm like, whatever. And then I get out and the dude comes over me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're in a very nice hotel where they like really take care of the clientele. And he's like, sir, I'm so sorry, uh, this, these four, uh, Chez Lounge chairs are reserved for so and so. And I was like, okay. And he's like, can I help you move to a different chair? And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never seen anything like it. I think we, I've worded this correctly on the pod maybe, but like how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the beginning of, um, dream team with, uh, Michael Keaton, right? And, uh, Christopher Lloyd is like walking through the hospital. I've never seen it, but I'm going to say yes, 100%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys were, everyone's like, man, those shots killed me. I was like, didn't see shots happening. Oh really? We might have took yours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isaac was fully got though. He was just like flummoxed and he was looking at us like, he's not here, he's 20, and he goes, the thing that actually made me go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's 20 minutes from the airport. And I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, can we talk about one second, Masonic Temple, there's a dude there dressed in like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like the guy who like worked there or was a member there and I was like, is this what they wear? Is this the thing that they rock at their like cocktail hours?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. That's kind of a huge let down. I mean, it makes me go, okay, cool. Kevin is cool. But at the same time, I just wanted like Friday nights at the Masonic Temple to be a bunch of dudes in long chainmail t-shirts. That would have been cool. Just like talking about their jobs at like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. The temple. Let's go. It's not like the jobs at fucking like telemeric warp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't know, we don't know if that's definitely what happens, but it sounds like it's a place where you can like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looked like what would be set up outside of like a haunted house. Just a dude in a rocketeering coveralls that like is frozen until you walk by and he scares the shit out of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Will you set the geography here for people? Pickled beets. Pickled beets. Pickled beets. You walk into a vaulted 20, 30 foot ceilings and it's like a bakery with a gift shop on the side and then upstairs there's a whole store filled with knickknacks and paddy wax and an Amish quilt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the backstage guy who looked like a fireman who had retired and just taken this cool job to like make sure like everything was safe here definitely like heard us before like doing our sound check and was like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you make it Newark, you can make it anywhere. Is it Newark? What did I say? Did I say New York? Yea, but I'm just saying if you can make it Newark, you can make it anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] St. Louis, I threw Air Force One's, uh, BOLO style, if you know what that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, just fell short, hit the balcony, fell down. So we don't kill the man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, right, right, right. Oh, so you go home drunk and you just lay in bed stretching? No, I lay on the floor. Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, I'm in bed. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dr. Walker? He's saying that you, because, he's saying you have an injury from when you were a kid and you've pushed that, or he's saying because you had an injury, like mentally, you pushed it to the limit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you would never just sit like figure four style to loosen up your hips?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. I might do some like quick lunches or just pull my leg back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wait for you to be so flexible that like whenever we're just sitting around doing like, whatever, soundcheck, you're just in the splits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Salad baby! We did have mint, we had, uh, what city was it where we had the mint jelly with the fucking hushpuppies? Ooh, that was St. Louis! That was the bar


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Chris Rock. Chris Rock essentially was the one who put tossing salads on the map. Cause it was on a show that he was watching about like life in prison. He's like, I like to toss a salad. I put mint jelly in there and fucking blah, blah, blah. So they were talking about it in prison. I forget that bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, I can't remember the word. He was like, can you imagine when he's going to be a dad? And I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did uh, I acted as a medium between the two multiverses, wherever they were, but Toby had forgot his hat and couldn't find it and actually like, it was bummed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yeaah. And then they come in. And then we're supposed to, the first time they opened it, it was really exciting, even for me on stage. Yeaah. Oh yeaah. I haven't seen them in a while. Kyle cried. It's the eighth night, and then all of a sudden we're trying to close up shop, and these guys are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's cool. He big-times people. What was it? What was it? I remember it was, it was the suicide wings. I waited until I knew which one was the wing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, Boring Island is still rock. R.C. and Barks, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was given the opportunity, I would have, I would have paid it personal attention, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's probably about it. I think when I saw the videos online, that's about 10 minutes is it? Yeah. Is that fast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's also a really cool, there's a really cool entrance into that theater. You come to get to the stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, that was, um, where were we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who the fuck is Daniel Lloyd? Are you trippin'? Did you say Daniel Lloyd? Who the fuck said Daniel Lloyd?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, you could feel it. It was the most haunted place. Yea, you could feel shit, like at least just a history of ghosts. I don't know if they were there, but you could feel it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then when I was talking to him, that was when I felt the strongest presence of a ghost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was really in the moment I remember looking at you cause we all got to go to the buffet and we were very hungry and I came back with this pretty light plate and you hadn't had any.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Durz had not gotten his meal yet and he looked at my plate and he was very disappointed and he said, it's not enough. Yeah, it's not enough. If you're doing buffet, you gotta fill the plate. It's not enough. I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this November? Are you saying this right? Is this still November? Or do you actually mean December?


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, you played it flawlessly. We don't die, we don't die, we don't die, we don't die.


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[Assistant] We've talked about how Kyle produced the whole Purple Magic Wizard album for the most part, right? Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of it? Did you produce all of it? Oh yeaah. There's, there is a snarf on the beat. There is snarf on the beat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, also. And what, what, mad cobras? Let's get em out there dude. Let's get em out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's back on Spotify. Kyle went through a bunch of rigmarole to get it back on, on the Spotify. And it, I think, uh, wizards, purple magic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that produced one of the greatest all time albums. Uh, and it was for, for whatever reason was taken off Spotify. Yeah. Kyle was able to talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to go on a- Please explain. Someone gave the album flowers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucked up. And who knows, maybe, uh, maybe we're gonna see the wizards, uh, out on tour. Uh, you know, cause we're going to, uh. That would be really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe? Let's talk about the second half of dates for a second because we didn't- Okay. We went through the first batch and then we just, a few weeks ago, dropped the second half of the tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, baby. So we are going to be going to San Jose, California. That's just two days after my 40th birthday. So I might still be drunk. Are you kidding me? Fuck it! I might be hobbling into that one. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I could just put something out to the San Jose sharks, if we could get the big shark head that you guys skate out of and we could walk out of that on stage, that would be really cool. Yeah. San Jose sharks. Why don't you do all the promo for our tour? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sharks. Well,


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[Assistant] Furby, yes. Furby, we're Furby and Furby. If you want to bring your Furby from childhood. What is a Furby?


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[Assistant] Dude, when they first came out, it like, they kind of pitched it like it was real AI and you could like talk to it and teach it, but it was for sure like just pre-programmed with batteries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had younger siblings. I had a younger sibling. I don't remember Furby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa, well, Brit didn't want a Furby? I don't remember Furbys. I remember them being a thing. I cannot even picture it. It kind of looked like a gremlin. Did it look like, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they look like gizmo. They look like gizmo, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And wazoo also means, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're in San Jose, November 9th, and then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grand Prairie Texas at the Texas Trust CU Center.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Grand Prairie? Uhm. We're about to find out. Dude, we're gonna learn and then we're never gonna ever not know again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so it's in, it's in, it's in Dallas, so it's outside of Dallas. Oh shit, get your cowboys from hell.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a, it's a big suburb of Dallas. I think if you live in the Dallas area. Yeah, it's actually closer to the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our merch game is going to be kind of tight. We're going to have some really cool shirts. Uh, yeah, I'm pretty stoked on that. We got some shirts. We got some shirts, baby. Yeah, dude. Oh, dude. We just got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still a lot of people used to complain about our old classic, this is important, our faces on the t-shirt, but now the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Resolution is so good. Oh my God. This shit is fire, dude. It's well that, and then beyond that we have other different types of, I'm not going to commit to anything. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uh, other different types of t-shirts. We're going to have a little assortment. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And different hooded sweatshirts and all kinds of cool shit for you guys to bathe. Yeaah, it's gonna be frickin' sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna, you know, T.I.Nation stand strong. Cause I mean, admittedly it would be kinda cool if you, if, cause some of these are like kinda deep cut podcast reference to just be wearing that out in the world and have another T.I.Nation fan spot you and be like, oh yeah, you're, you immediately know you're gonna be friends with that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll pound. Yeah, absolutely. Uh, and then we're gonna mosey on down to Austin, Texas at the Bass Concert Hall.


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[Assistant] Yes, and also what about that little surf spot that, that mentioned us in the DM?


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[Assistant] It looks like we'll have a day off after Dallas, so we could probably go straight to Austin and have a day off in Austin.


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[Assistant] Surf, holy shit. Oh dude, we have to do that. I think that would be so fun on our day off, just trying to freakin' shred Austin.


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[Assistant] I don't know Texas that well, but my guess is that's 33 hours away. That's a 33 hour drive. And somehow still in Texas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Maybe we swing, maybe we swing through and are off.


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[Assistant] We're, let's just take ZZ Top's, uh, tour and then copy it.


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[Assistant] Well, we've already planned this one, so we're not going to change it to mimic ZZ Top, a worldwide Texas tour, baby. But can we spin guitars?


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[Assistant] Well, I'm mad. I'm a little bummed that we couldn't just with routing and with scheduling, we couldn't do...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the Carolinas, which I really wanted to go to. Charleston is my home away from home. And we also couldn't do, uh, New Orleans, which, uh, you know, being the King of Bacchus parade, uh, this year in New Orleans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a missed opportunity. I hope they don't revoke my crown, but... They won't. They won't.


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[Assistant] So Austin, Texas, what are we gonna do there? In Austin? Uuuh. Pickleball, I'm playing pickleball. In Austin, Blake. I'm looking at Blake, I know that he-


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[Assistant] I haven't been to Austin in a while because of COVID and all that. And like South by Southwest, I haven't been in a minute. There's so many good bars on what is it? Sixth Street, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shakespeare's was one of my favorites. I hope it's still around. It's gotta be there. Well, I just went to that TV festival for the Righteous Gemstones just a couple months ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's where we premiered season 3 of gemstones and we went out that night and we went to like a true honky tonk. It was sick. I was like, oh, this is tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, I think there's a place called the, it might be called the White Horse. It's kind of off the beaten path. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yes, so I went to South by Southwest and it was, uhm, I went to the Thrasher party. There's this bar, I think it's called Yellow Jackets, that has like mixed daiquiris and margaritas and shit. I take offense to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the best country honky tonk shit I've ever been to like.


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[Assistant] People were dancing, like the vibe was fucking cool, dude. It was tight. It was like people were like truly, what, like line dancing? Like, yeah, line dancing, honky tonk dancing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I drank a lot of tequila and drank a lot of Lone Star. Cause you got to. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, Filipino weddings go crazy for that shit.


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[Assistant] I don't know the names, they're all, they all kinda look the same, you just gotta watch like the coolest grandma at the party and she, and she will know every move.


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[Assistant] Women? How do line dance? And he kept trying to get me to dance with him. Come with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he get behind you kinda? Did he kinda? Did he kinda get it? And he's like...


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[Assistant] Yes, I know, I know a guy, I know a guy. Kyle, if you can grapevine right, and you can grapevine left, you're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be just fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're from a different world than we are. It's called Cotillion, right? Yeah, I think you're talking about Saw Cups.


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[Assistant] Fortnightly? What are you talking about? I truly have no clue.


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[Assistant] That's some country club shit. We don't know. We're, we're from, I mean, you guys are water trash and I'm a dirt person, so.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, dude. Do you remember, you remember when you first, I remember hearing, I think we've covered this, uh, hearing that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool water cologne had aphrodisiacs in it, and that's what women would, like girls would, they couldn't help themselves if you put some of this.