[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's fucking it. But look at, but what do you think that real estate costs? I mean, if you think of lower Broadway as probably the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I used to see, I used to see clips of me with you talking about guards and like, look at this. And I was like, what do I have to do with guards?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's weird, what's weird, not to interrupt, but like I, so I do this VIP thing before my shows and I'll, then I'll, where like 50 fans will come in and pay like way too much money to see me like talk and sing acoustic songs. And I'll hear these people scream like, where are the bodies? And I asked, and one time I asked, I go, what the fuck are you talking about? They're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Tom's thing, and I'm like, I, I know Tom, I don't know what this is, he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he did one thing that he was in on the joke, it would be no more fun. And they flip them. And they flip. They all would be like... That's no fun anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if it got big enough that, well he's probably so big that I wonder if it got big enough that he heard somebody yell it or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there any like YouTube footage? Yeaah. Oh yeaah. It's fucking- He's pulling it up right now. I wanna see, can I tell you my Josh story? So usually, I play, so when I play a show and if the hotel's close enough, I'll take off my cowboy hat and my shades and no one recognizes me and I'll put on like a hoodie and walk back to my hotel when I play the moody. And I heard this, you know, Wheeler!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The craziest thing about Garth is he was the biggest guy in music when music was the biggest. Back when there were, I think CDs were probably what? Seven? Remember how they were fucking 17 bucks? And he was selling millions in a fucking day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you imagine her going up to the boys like, uh, your band name has changed, you're the Miami part machine now, and we've got this guy up here, he's gonna fart over here. And I'm like, fellas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so he went from the horn player to the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These billionaire kids are always talented, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She turned 30 million and, she turned 30 million into 100 million?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I'll change, sometimes the biggest thing I'll do is I'll change underwear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes balls don't recover, you know? That's true. Yeaah, they can re-corrupture them. That looks like something that may, he may not have kids. I don't know if that's a bad thing, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna yell at you, but instead I'm gonna go take a couple deep breaths.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I tell you one too, that I don't know why it's still up, so I did this song Puss in Boots, I don't know if you remember, we did a nude version and a regular version, we did one where the girl's titties were hanging out, then we did the clean version, we put the dirty version is still fucking up, and no one knows, I don't know why, it's just... On YouTube? Yea, and hopefully this doesn't, uh, tag you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it just, but it just has naked tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I think it just got, they missed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you get the point. Yeah, there's a bunch of guys who, uh, if you wanna, a guy with no hair on his ass, you gotta, you gotta guy. You gotta guy, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is education. I feel like all these, these videos should be evidence that the first video should be down. Yeah, right. It's like, that's not education.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be cool to just like, make a music video with just his ass. Yeaah. And just like, apparently you're allowed to show it, so. Damn it. Before and after. Let's switch it out to something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which got more views, the tits or the balls? Uh, I think the balls did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, those things happen all the time. You'll click on the wrong thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel sick though. People just, these kids just want content so bad. They want views. They really do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, but I think there's probably, there's gotta be a rule about it, cause when they give me blood, like, before they put in that thing, or like, when they take like, blood sample, I can't go, can I have that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda why, here's my big thing of the past year, not to bust in with my own shit, I'm off social media. Completely? Yea, well I have someone to upload my shit, I'll make videos and say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are my videos doing? I don't fucking know. What are the comments? Who gives a fuck? I just don't, it just helped my life. I just feel better. Cause I don't have to, cause I feel like my, I don't think any of my favorite artists


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally. And then, then I would, I don't want to be in the studio going, oh, this kind of sounds like that song that people, like 10 people told me to suck my own dick, you know. Then I'll be like, fuck, you know, it'll mess with me. And I've just been not having to worry about it all the time. You know, I don't know if you know, but musicians have the, have the four artists apps where you can see your, your streams and stuff. And like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I deleted those cause I can't, you can drive yourself fucking crazy. Like, what was this? Oh, I got more streams Wednesday. I'm going to do what I did Wednesday. There's no fucking, nobody fucking knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some song went viral off my last album. It was just luck. No one, it wasn't better than the other songs. It was, it caught on with somebody that day who probably had a bunch of followers and then it just goes, who the fuck knows. Anyway, I would recommend it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just confirmed it yesterday, uhm, I'm not gonna go through all the dates, but I am doing, uh, I think 20-something dates, and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one that stuck out at me, cause you were talking, I heard you talking about Portland, Maine. We're doing, so I saw on the list, I saw Nashville. I said, I don't want to play Nashville. No, this is Nashville, Indiana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck are you talking about? What? I'm playing Nashville and, like, you don't play the, I play the weirdest fucking cities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's very rare for me to have a city on a tour where I've never heard of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I do hit more kind of small towns around the big cities and tends to be a little bit better for me, but nothing that small. I mean, nothing small enough that I've got to be like, I think you're making it up. Sure. Yeah, that sounds like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it'll be a couple months. This last tour before was the first one I did where I actually, I think you do this. You know, or do you only do weekends?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this last one was the first one where I left for like three weeks at a time and it was fucking crazy. It's brutal. Yeah, it was, I came back. I'm just like, I don't think you guys remember that I'm falling apart. I can't do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my only issue with weekends though is, how about, they always go, how about just weekends? And when's the bus leave? Wednesday afternoon? Yeah. And then, when's the, uh, when do we get back? Monday night? Yeah, and you're like, that's the whole week. Tuesday is the week. So how the fuck is that a weekend? That's true. So I just figured, let's just stay out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't do it. Yeah, I should probably start moving back to that, but the hardest part too is they go, when they go, yeah, I mean, like Austin, for example, Austin's stuff plays sell tickets on a Tuesday. I was like, then what the fuck you book it for? Exactly, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're our Saturdays. My favorite was, I met a musician once, he was like, he had heard the promoter at like 20 shows in a row, he said, this is more of a walk up town. He said, after about hearing that 20 times, he goes, why don't you just tell me that, tell me that I suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's like, after hearing so much that this, people don't buy tickets here that you show up at the last second, then of course they never do. He's like, just tell me I fucking suck, instead of pretending these fucking excuses. Boys, you know, on a Wednesday is tough, man. No, no one wants to see me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what do you- now it's just kinda giving me the creeps. What do you tell your doc that you- I want my tongue split?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I liked your idea of the, uh, the, what'd you call it? The skull? Yeah, that'd be so badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I do have to comment. My wife is in the lobby and she, she loves the part. She loves the middle part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She seems like an older lady who heard there's mine to be made on TikTok and she's just like, I'll talk about when I shit my pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think she's hurt right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bitch in these ubers so much. Yea? Yea, I know. You know what I think- She's really fired up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great title, again we are. Thank you so much. Uhm, always a pleasure to see you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love you too. Tour. Don't have the dates yet. Spring tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knows, he knows guitarists too. Oh yeaah. He said G was his favorite chord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why wouldn't it be bad to put out a conversation? It would be interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, because it's of the same sex, so it's abnormal. But that's not an argument.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and because right now they're trying to erase that history and put on a fake history. And so I don't want the younger generation to forget real history. Otherwise they're not going to appreciate America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people who hate men, liberals, and some, uh, Republican women and others. Republican women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only the Republican women. What is the purpose of the attack of our men? Why is this attack happening to men?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know men who have been attacked, but real men, they can overcome that. But weak men, they are able to be destroyed. Like with Donald Trump, they're trying to destroy him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you? I prefer to be strong so they can lead the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you believe that racism exists? Of course. Do you have any proof of that? Yeah. Give me an example. A proof. Proof that racism exists? Right. Are you serious? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the wifo sat downstairs because we weren't allowed to sit together. But it was fun up there because we had a better view.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guarantee me that the Asians probably make it more than the Black. That's my guess. Do you know why that is? Is it true? Yeah. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you do that, dad? How do you just target? He goes, don't marry anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm here with Obi. How old are you Obi? 67. What did you do for a living? I pimped whores across the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, alright. If you were 20, would you do it all over again? Oh yeaah. In a heartbeat. In a fucking heartbeat. I'm able to go any place in this country I wanted to go and do anything I wanted to do when I get there. The girls did their job and I did mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All kind of drugs, everything. That was part of the lifestyle. I meet somebody, she wanna screw, we screw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I start dating after that. And it's like, well, if going out on a date with a guy makes me a slut, then that's just what I'm gonna be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And yes, we all sleep in the same bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're at Thrupple. We've mastered the art of sharing everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're a throuple. Our selfies are always wide-angle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know you can love more than one person at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode is brought to you by Satva. Go to satva.com slash the shit to get $200 off your next order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that amazing? He's been working on your accent for years. He's been with us since he was 19, very young. So that's when he started practicing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one night in Las Vegas, and then I go to Salt Lake City Pootah, I've added an early Saturday show, so come see me there, and then what else, you guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Madison, Wisconsin, Jizz, Conson, Comedy Club on State at the end of October.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, those look cool. You look like you're a rapper. They go, go, uh, turn me up in my headphones, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He spent a fortune. This cost almost a million dollars to get you on Orlando news. And then you took him out of farts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you think it has to do with your diet? You've had a lot of changes in your diet recently. You inform me now, every time you come into town, I make sure to stock the house with treats that she likes. Starburst candies, you eat those before bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just so you know, we are celebrating your 100th birthday. Yes. Uhm, this Sunday and we're gonna have food brought into the house and... Normal food? Well, nothing but your favorites. And I asked Jane, what does Charo love to eat more than anything? You know what she said? Chicken. Chicken nuggets and french fries. So we're gonna have your birthday catered like a toddler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, when we were uhm, in Hawaii, one of your favorite subjects, remember New Year's, New Year's Eve in Hawaii?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember that guy? You haven't seen him since my wedding. That's my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On tourism, we're trying to help the economy of Columbia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A holiday rush means more mailing and shipping for your business, but it doesn't have to mean more stress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sam's.com has been helping businesses like yours save time and money for 25 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No lines, no traffic and no waiting. And you can get huge carrier discounts


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stamps.com is my absolute favorite sponsor. We've been using them for years. We did our merchandise with stamps.com and it made everything so easy. Get your business ready for the holiday rush. Get started with stamps.com today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sign up at Stamps.com slash mom for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to Stamps.com slash mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So why, why did you keep in touch with Pierre or did, what happened? He live in Lima.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you dare. Oh no. Oh no. I wanted you to go to Alan Martinez. You took me there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, hold on. Have you ever removed hair from your body using Nair, the product Nair? This is a hair removal video. It's not what you think it is. It's on YouTube. You can watch it on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've never done waxing? No. Don't you wanna see how clean and smooth he looks? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I shave. Yeah, I shave. I'm a shaver. I'm not a waxer. I'm afraid to be hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can find quality guys that aren't gonna leave or cheat on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I like about these guys. I'm just saying if I were single again, this might be the pool that I would go to. Nice dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's a drug dealer, entrepreneur, drugs, drugs. Okay, drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He likes fab bitches, so that's cool, the bar is very low for me to keep my weight down, which would be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Luis, his eye contact was a very intense stare. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what I mean, you're sympathetic, like you're not, you don't consider that to be a crime worth like putting somebody in prison for. Like I think murder, like is murder where you draw the line? Yeah. Like you, but you would date these guys but just not the murderer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying for the sake of like conversation, like you have to choose one of these gentlemen. If I have to choose? Yea. Oh gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is kind of cool for him though, daddy, when you think about it. What an ideal sitch. Like if he's like king of that jungle, you know, like he's like, I'm the gayest motherfucker in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's so around dudes all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, do you want to watch some TikToks? This is my, I love the segment because I curate these, uhm, TikToks from the app. You know, I love it so much. Uhm, these are just special people that I really enjoy their work on TikTok. Are they clean? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I like it. I think I wanna do some too. I like that she kept her eyes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, she's a diagnosed sociopath and she gives incredible life advice, like how to infiltrate a man's friend circle and get a man to fall in love with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. She's a sociopath. Notice she doesn't blink? Like that's why she's a sociopath. And she just tells you her secrets. So that's- She's basically teaching people how to manipulate people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that? I need it higher up and then I need my boobs higher too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what they do, right? Do you know how veneers work? Do you know what they do when you get veneers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's excruciatingly painful. So listen to me, Charo. They shave down your real teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real shaving down. See that nub? That's what my tooth looks like under.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's look at the dentures. Between $300 and $500. Much more economical. But all they have to do is rip out, they pull out your real teeth, and then they give you the dentures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where, can you google where the word Salmon is from? Like, what's the origin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No he's right, it'll fuck her up. It'll mess up her head so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think she does stuff with guys? Like does she have to give up sex to get stuff you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say that I enjoy the topics of a 10 year old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay? That's how stupid I am. Guess how fucking retarded I am, Tommy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was at lunch with my friend and I go, we're talking about direction. She's like, I don't know direction. I was like, well, all I know is North never eat soggy Wheaties. And she goes, North isn't up here. It's straight ahead. Is that right? Like where's North then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never eat soggy Wheaties. But like, does that make sense, Tom? Is this Nor- this is Norris?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] North is up there. I told you, it's right there. This is north? How would you know it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you feel like a son is different though, a bond? Like, they say that the birth of your first son is your last love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] News 6 viewer. We're excited about this. She has been an avid viewer. We're told for more than 60 years since News 6 hit the air today marks a very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life feels like hell without a girlfriend, someone to talk to, always think about, to make me a better person, and to bring the best out of me, and to enjoy the best for every young years together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, looking for some pen pals to write and uh, share what I got with, which is plentiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh! Oh no. I like him. Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to focus on putting a smile on your face. Making you laugh. If you'd like to get to know me, go ahead and hit me up on JP. Hey, but don't you worry, we'll get to that talk this shit later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So with that, women speak the language of emotions, men speak the language of logic. You will never win a logical argument.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Typically the best way to approach that is to simply back off and to isolate her. Raising your voice is not effective. Abuse is not effective. Hurting her in any such way is not effective.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Demonstrating your value by withdrawing it makes it all the more potent to a woman your point of view.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I showed at the Village Underground, the comedy cellar, sister, I've done three in a row there, I just keep going. I got like an OCD approach to comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I felt this one was much more silly and sort of relaxed and I do a thing, I can't watch myself do comedy. I just really can't so I don't, I just try, I just go, you edit it and they're like, well watch this cut and I try to watch it and I just can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they ended up leaving in a bunch of, uhm, stuff where I was like, that worked, that bombed, that was weird, how you guys doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm having nightmares of this. When we broke the show, I'm like, Burt's gonna come out from behind the wall. No, he's not, he's not. And, and shoot me. Uhm, no, we had a big beef, it's all squash, you guys are good now? We're great, we were great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half an hour after, it all was fantastic. But then it got built, cause Ari came on, Ari that fucking pimple came on, and he brought it up, and then Mark Norman mentioned it on Theo, so it became like an internet sensation. Yea, it did, it did. And then in my special, cause it was about pizza and Thai food, and then in my special I had a bunch of jokes about ordering pizza, and all these people were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we got in a tiff, but we worked it out. But you settled it. We settled it then and it was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The short version is, uh, Bert ordered Thai food and I ordered pizza, and he got very upset about it, but- Because he'd been drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I can give you a try, try to do a bridged version real quick. But basically, yea, everyone, there was like 15 of us, it was Norman's match at the party. Everyone's banged up. I don't drink, so I was like the sober guy. Everyone's banged up and there's some other accoutrements going around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were trying to figure out what we were going to eat and some people were like, let's get delivery. Bert didn't want to get delivery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we were like, DeRosa was like, I'll cook. We got to go to the grocery store. I'll cook for everybody. And then I was the one sober once I was like, all right, I'll drive to the grocery store. And Bert and Joe were like, we'll go with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were both banged up. So I tried to get Ari, who's kinda like the... I'm close with Ari and I was like, he's the bridge between us. But then stupid Ari was like, I'm gonna take a shower first. So while he was showering, somebody came up with the idea to get Thai food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then Bert was like, we'll go to the bar together, we'll hang out at the bar while they're making the Thai food. And I just said, I don't want to hang out at the bar, but I'll drive you there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I drove Bert and Joe and Bert really wanted me to hang out and I was like, no, no, I'm dropping you off. I'll come back when you're ready. So I went back to the house. I started a charades game. We were all playing charades and then Bert texted and said, I'm ready to be picked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to be fair, I think Ahri said that and Burt probably didn't remember. He was like, oh yeaah, he may have let us wait. I believe Ahri put that out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to be on Bert's side anymore. I mean, on this bad side. But, so I drove over and then at this point...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get in here. And to be fair to Bert, he just wanted to hang and connect, I think. But I was like, I don't want to hang out at the bar, I'm hanging out, we're playing charades. So I went back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I came back a third time I drove there and this time they left me like in the car for like eight minutes. And so I texted Bert and was like, dude, cause now I was getting furious that I was being treated kind of like an Uber driver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other problem was, in this time, when they decided to eat Thai food, I'm a very picky eater, I'm a child, I'm a boy. And so I just turned to this guy, Chris Allen, great comic, and I was like, I don't really want Thai food, I kind of want like, pizza and wings, it's a party. And he's like, I'll eat that. And I was like, I'm just gonna order a bunch of that. So it's here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I should have said, hey guys, Burt, I don't like Thai food, so I'm just gonna order this additionally. So finally Burt and Joe came out, and I think another problem was DeRosa came out first, and I was like, Joe, what the fuck? I've just been sitting out here, I've driven here three times, and Joe went in and told Burt, List is furious, and I think Burt was unhappy about that. So then when he came out, he was very mad at me, I was very mad at him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyways, then he got in the car, and the other problem was, I hadn't told Bert that I was ordering pizza, and so when he got in the car, I was like, he was mad at me already, and I was like, I gotta get back, the pizza's getting delivered. And he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, I said, nobody wants your Thai food, which I did not say. Everybody did want Thai food. That's why I was like, I'm just going to order this pizza quietly. Uhm, and again, I believe he thinks I said it because he's stuck to that story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but we worked it out then and there and the only argument that Bert has is that I never said thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are, you delivered Ty for me. Yeaah. But I think the main thing that bothered him was that uhm, I didn't communicate. And when he got in the car, I was like, the pizza, the pizza's coming. And he was like, he was really furious about it. But again, we were fine that night and hung out and talked about this thing. And I love Burt and I think he's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We started off rocky. By the way, the first thing that happened, I don't even know if you remember this, he showed up, I think he didn't know I was there, but he brought a bunch of cigars, and he was like, I'm not gonna let fucking Joe List pick cigars for everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I was like, what? And he was like, oh, hey, you piece of shit, like kind of busting balls. And so we got off and I was like, he doesn't like my cigar. And then he was shitting on my baseball swing, which by the way, I recently found my baseball camp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played for a day and I'm taking live BP and I hit many into the ground, but I made contact with every ball, hit many in the outfield. At one point they were like, go opposite field. I did. I also switched around and hit from the left side. How many 41 year old comedians can hit from both sides?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Burt is a better hitter and player and athlete than I am, and I will, I certainly will admit that, but I think I have a pretty beautiful swing and I'm happy to post some videos or photos.


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[Assistant] I feel like once you've gone to heaven, it's hard to connect with people on a friendship level if they haven't been also to heaven. That's so true.


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[Assistant] Uh, I do not really know, but on stage, I use the term partner on stage. So I can, so people can, you know.


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[Assistant] Are you a fan of those videos? No, this is my, I'm afraid this is my first time watching a video. Yeah, cake shooting is a, it's a whole plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the crumbs burns. So you're doing this pants-less, no undies.


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[Assistant] You know what plug she's talking about. A buttplug, I'm presuming. Because this is another one I wouldn't, this wouldn't have been my first thought. Because it's just, you're not saving that much time by just saying plug. So I feel like I would be specific. Buttplug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. And it's, it's, it's very normalizing also. Yeah, exactly. She's not like, guys, I know this is insane to stick things in your ass. She's just like, when I do it, it's what I do.


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[Assistant] He got serious there. He was smiling and then he got serious for a moment. Yea, cause he knew he had something there. Yea.


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[Assistant] So it's gotta be minor, I'm gonna say maybe uhm, I don't know the prison system too well.


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[Assistant] You know, she's doing characters, being a little silly, and then being like, nah, I'm just kidding, how was your day? I mean, that's what I'm looking for.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, she was like taping stuff to her for her band. Yes. It's the guys that rope a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was thinking this too. I think this guy has a, just a lot of things. I think he's been mixed up in the wrong crowds. I do think he's a manipulator and a bit violent. I feel like he's been violent specifically towards women. I'm going to say aggravated assault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really like her way of holding the phone. She's just doing her own thing, you know? And she's prison hot. She's not really out and about hot, but like very prison hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still like the other girl better. This girl's trouble. I don't trust her as far as I'm sure. Oh, that's what I sense too. Lots of trouble.


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[Assistant] The earrings made of cum are literally less gross to me than the yellow liquid. Male cum.


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[Assistant] That's cool shit. I'm gonna do that. Kinda. That one makes at least sense. It's like a fa- it's like woah, look at that. These ones kinda make more sense to me than- I like the ones


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. No, I like to isolate, but yeah, for maybe, maybe 28, 36 hours, I like to go. I don't do drive-thrus, I like to go into Starbucks, get my dopamine, some eye contact, really chat it up, you know. We need, we need people, guys. Yeah, we need people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I'm not a swinger, but I did go to, uhm, Palm Springs and there's a lot of swinging there and my wife and I watched like a B-movie called Palm Swings right before we went. Nice. And, uh, Tia Carrera, is that how you say her? Yeah. Tia Carrera, she's in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's a really fun, funny movie because it's, it's kinda like softcore porn and it has a fun plot. But I thought they really missed an opportunity to put some levity in there. They all put their keys in a fishbowl and then they pick it out. And there should have been a moment where someone gets like a really fat...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, pretty autobiographical, yeaah. The mother, my mother is very nice. Mother in the movie is very crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Appreciate that, that's very nice. Did you have a fun time working on it? I had the best time of my life, literally. I mean, it was amazing and we went to Lake George and stayed in a really nice house. I swam in the lake every morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I had a bunch of friends, Tony Vee, Nick DiPaolo, Chris Walsh. He was great in it, Bob. Bobby Kelly, it was really, uh, such a good actor. The happiest time of my life. It's been all downhill since then.


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[Assistant] That's exciting. I can't, I mean I got the date but I don't think I could announce it yet. Okay, okay.


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[Assistant] No, I actually recorded that in Detroit before I came. I still got my studio in Detroit, so.


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[Assistant] When I wanna, you know, but I got a little small home studio. Just to, you know, do demo stuff. But when I run a really light tap in, I go home.


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[Assistant] Cause I didn't have any intentions on that. I didn't have any intentions on that. I still love weed. Like I wanna smoke weed everyday. But it's like...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I just performed in Red Rocks this past weekend. How was it? And you know, you know, Denver is, like, just being in Colorado, that fuckin' air and shit, like, I always had to get, like, fuckin' gas masks or some dumb shit, oxygen tanks and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starting to make me feel like I definitely made the right choice, obviously to live, but yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's been done for some time. It's been done for some time. But, you know, when I had, uhm, I used to work on albums and stuff, and it, you know, it'd take a few years or whatever, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, that's what I'm saying. I was used to like, you know, going in and just making records real quick and trying to get an album out as fast as possible, but when I had worked with Q-Tip on You Know What I'm Saying, I just learned so much from him. And then it's all about the posts. Like, he pretty much put these songs down and pretty much ideas at that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you know, my dad used to listen to A Tribe Called Quest. I remember being like, taking me to school every day and he listening to Tribe. That's how I got up on him. So just being able to work with him was like, you know, trying my best. But he even pulled me to the side one time, like, you know, he can't be coming through here drinking all the time, stumbling around every goddamn way. Really? Yeah. So like the last, I remember like the, probably like the last few weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in some sense. Because, I mean, you know, you always think like drinking and smoking is gonna help with your creativity and some type of shit, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I would, I mean, as far as like me, um, recording vocals, I would always like lay stuff down, a little tipsy, but then come back and redo what I'm sober. Yeah. You know, so, but you know, I'm still drinking and stuff in the hotel room while I was writing, you know what I'm saying? But when I would go record, I'd just make sure I was sober.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It always feels like that, like when you feel like you done with the album.


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[Assistant] Sometimes you just gotta stop yourself, because it's like a Rubies Cube in some sense, you know? You can make one song that'll just change the whole trajectory of the album, and I'd be like, ah, it's going this direction, then you wanna make some more songs, then you make some more, you gotta have a cutoff point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what I was saying. But that's what you feel out, right? Yeah, yeah. So working with him, he just taught me to art a post. Like you can lay down these ideas, but just keep going over them, tinkering them, figuring out new ways, figuring, just think to yourself, like you only got one chance to release it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you got all the time in the world before you put it out. Cause once you put it out, it ain't yours no more. You know what I'm saying? So put your best foot forward and show some love to the record. You know, it doesn't even matter how long they've been sitting around. Cause I would think like, man, you know, you record a song and you let it sit around for two years and you like, it might get dated, but if good music don't date itself. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And another thing that I learned is a lot of times, you know, you make these records quick and you put them out and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's almost like, yo, you seen me go through it, I helped you, now I'm at the end of the tunnel, you know what I'm saying? I beat the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I just literally got, uhm, so inspired by that new Nas album. Yeaah. Cause he's 50. Like the whole album is about him turning 50 and just like, cause you always think like rap is like a young man game and like. Totally. You know, you age yourself out, but then you're hearing somebody like him at 50 years old at the top of his game is like, oh my god. And he's big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this one is the best. Yeah, cause it's pretty much celebrating him turning 50 and we pretty much watched him grow up in hip hop. And then hip hop is turning 50 this year. So it's like, this is hip hop's baby, right? Yeah, it's baby. Yeah, that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's called Magic 3. It's Magic 3, but yeaah, pretty much. He's been putting out, yeaah. It's, it's, it's crazy, cause even me, I be like, man, you can't be putting out that many albums that quick, but when you listen to him, you realize, you know, cause a lot of people, you know, you make music for monetary gain at this point, and now he's just so up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can get back to not even caring about him making money off the music at this point and just have fun. You can hear it and it's coming through and you can hear it. The dude also fucking looks 30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I started going down a deeper path of just depression and drugs and all that stuff to, you know, cope with what I was going through. And, but then it got to the point where it started, you know, me realizing what I'm doing and started to be more about self-help and stuff like that. So it was like every time I was making a song, it was turning it to something else, but then it got to the point I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't even worry about it. People going, so let's get into the point now. I'm more comfortable with being on stage singing those sad songs. Cause before I just wanted to see the crowd damn near jump around and beat they self up. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But somebody told me, and they really stuck with me, was like, anybody can go on stage and make motherfuckers jump around. But when you can go on stage and sing songs and got everybody undivided attention and they just looking at you like, oh, and they really feeling that shit, you know, they can take that home. You know, they take that home with you and it kind of helped them and changed that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that one song she made, 15, that was a weird one for me, man. I'm like, man, I don't know about this, but man, that's a little creepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And comedy is one of those things, just like music too, where you can, you know, like you say, it's all about being funny and haha, but where a person can leave from it and be like, man, make them think about shit that they got going on in their life. You know, it could be taken as a joke, but it could really, you can take that shit serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At this point in my life, you know, I'm not, I'm not scared of it. It's just the fact that I respect it so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was more so, it was something with the record company, but I think he was like trying to like, it was almost like he was trying to take a stand and like, you know, cause I guess the label probably owned the name or something like that. And he was like, you know, I could release this music under a sign and it's all mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you know, you can sign a record deal under a name, and then that label owns that artist, and you could just totally recreate a whole new persona. Like, MF Doom used to do that a lot. And he'd just sign another record deal with somebody else under another name, just put out another album. That's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how he finessed the record company. Yeah. What did he do? Cause he pretty much, um, I mean, you know, when you sign record deals, they sign you to an amount of albums. And I think it was something to where like, you know, he had his last album on the label. I mean, he owned, like he owed him one more album and he just pretty much put out an album with pretty much like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Learning about how he, you know, used to perform in those high heels and how hard he used to go and he ended up fucking his back up. And his hips. Yeah. And he ended up starting to have to like, you know, take Percocets and be on so many drugs. And it got to the point where.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he started just, you know, you know, you get, started buying drugs off the street type shit. He ended up getting caught up with some fentanyl and that's the way he died. And it's like fucked up shit. Like Michael Jackson and Prince died from drugs. It's like, that's the most crazy shit to me. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like some tranquilizer type shit, like I be watching those YouTube videos about King's Intent and shit, and that shit just like, yeaah, drugs is not the deal right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That definitely didn't seem pro. It did not seem pro. They give you like mad training and shit before you do that kind of shit though, right? They should, unless you like- It seemed like something was off with the wind or something though, like he, he just didn't- I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything just pauses and goes slow as fuck, man.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm pretty sure, but you probably have to give it to somebody outside to put it on there or some type of shit. Cause you're not supposed to be doing shit in there. But I'm pretty sure, you know, selling, they'd be fucking selling a snacks or, you know, stealing shit or like, you know, motherfuckers would start day on the side hustles, like braiding hair or doing makeup. That's what we're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like she was really doing some extracurricular crafty ass shit. Like figuring out how to sew shit and all that type of shit. I was like, ah, that's kind of dope. They up in there with some drip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's definitely what he's about to find, but the fuck that part is, he can definitely find him some fat bitch in Idaho that's about to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About to drop self on a JPEG, come visit him and shit. Be like, this my man. Uh, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That's one of them chemsex motherfuckers right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That ain't no tattoo shop shit. They'd just be hanging around getting high and they'd be like, fuck it man, just do this shit. Fuck it. Do it to my face. You know what I'm saying? Draw lines on my face, man. That motherfucker getting double fisted. Yeah, he's getting fisted. I think that's the fist in my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the best, man. Cause now they got me thinking about that shit. They be like, you know, swingers, they be in the grocery stores with the pineapple upside down, the cart. Now every time I'm in an HEB, I'm looking at motherfuckers' carts and shit like a fucking weirdo.


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[Assistant] Cause they know you ain't ugly. When they see a motherfucker ain't ugly, they're like, oh, he here to make fun of us.


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[Assistant] But some things we just can't let slide. Joe Biden used a straw.


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[Assistant] Now if you've seen me on The Five or on Primetime, you know I recommend that all men refrain from using straw. It's unbecoming. The way a man's lips purse.


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[Assistant] The size of the straw is just too dainty. The way your fingers clasp on it. No. Come on. Straws are for women and little kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me ask you this, how do you feel about this? Getting pregnant and having a baby doesn't make me a woman because women don't own pregnancy just like they don't own periods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now this doesn't mean that motherhood or womanhood doesn't exist because it very much does and it's sacred. And do you know what else is sacred too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trans and non-binary bodies and experiences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they may say they're supportive. Most of you, your significant others have said, if they said anything, I'm supportive. That's a load of shit. But you want to believe that they're supportive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get on that fucking wall, you gotta cut out 99.9% of everybody you know.


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[Assistant] I have to take my family to visit my family of origin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Florida, and uhm, just mentally preparing for a few weeks from now.


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[Assistant] What I'm more concerned with is I like my anti-Thanksgiving food Thanksgivings.


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[Assistant] That's my favorite thing, but now we have to, when you go to someone else's place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think getting together with people is great, but I like throwing rib eyes and lobsters on and being like, yeah, this is what I want to eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, people do this, they say this, the same shit about like camping. You know, when you go like, they're like, well, you need to go camp, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're pretty good. No, we'll have good food. But you know, it reminds me of what we did one time. We can't say too much because we don't want...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so from that event, while we were at the event, I got on the phone and made reservations at a restaurant. And I told people, I was like, don't tell anybody. And then we all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Left the event with family and went out to eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not to, I don't wanna say too much, but I'm, I'm kind of understanding of your father's feelings on that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your dad had this funny thing too, cause your dad used to own a forklift business. So like, you know, it's a very specialized thing, something most people probably don't think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, when you're in the business of needing one, there's only so many places you can go, so people would go to your dad's business and be like, I need a forklift, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, I think he was like, yeah, if an Arab person...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Calls or stops in and they go, how much for this one? He goes, it's already sold. And they're like, what about this one? He's like, that one's sold too. He's like, yeah, I just, I don't do business with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess probably people are thinking, you know, a mechanical thing, almost like a car, right? They go, car's 30, you go, what if I give you 28, and they're probably approaching it the same way, and your dad's like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's my new favorite media personality of all time. Of course. You know, it feels like a character. It reminds me, like, uhm, Stephen Colbert used to do a character on Comedy Central.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a purposely ignorant kind of, you know, super right wing guy. The audience is in on the fact that it's a character and this feels like it's like the greatest troll job ever. Except this is a hundred percent authentic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old century? Yeaah. This is Victorian. But like, I love like, you know, sometimes he says things and people remain calm but you can tell they're like, oh my god. But she right away was like, you can't fucking do that. It's like, he elicits such great emotions from people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another thing is, he's never left uhm, you know, the funny, when you have this real perspective, he's never left speechless. He always has the last comment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's so grounded in what he thinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she's speaking, she's saying the truth, which is, that is an absurd notion. And then he just goes, why, because it's hard to train him? Like, he always has the follow-up. It's so great. I mean, it never-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a way you're actually, you're giving some pretty sound advice right there. Yeaah, that's what I'm saying. Yeaah. Sometimes you need to get clocked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do. Most, you know, as a boy, you learn it, I think, earlier. Yeaah. Because you're surrounded by boys, right? So you're always in this thing where you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in school and, you know, you have like little, even if you don't get in a full out fight, you have like tussles, right? Like kinda like almost fights and you, and then also in sports, you know, you get like thrown by somebody and you're like, oh, like it, it, your brain kind of registers like, oh, there's people that are bigger and stronger than you. They can fuck you up. They can fuck you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men also witness many more fights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see, you see a guy mouth off and get fucking dealt with. And then your brain also goes like, Oh, don't forget that can happen. You know, like that happens throughout your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's still dudes who still test it. Like sometimes you're like, you're testing this boundary right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you'll see something really crazy, like a really small weak dude, usually alcohols involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you'll see it, you'll see it, fuck it. Sometimes the restraint is what the bigger guy will be like, you know, it's like pat it on the head. That's really nice when, yeah, for sure. They'll be like, hmm, back off, stop. And then sometimes the guy, it's like, no, I feel like killing you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people also come up in that chaos of like, very combative and like, provoking fights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. So the real lesson here, I think for women is just like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, seriously. No one to keep your stupid mouth shut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ordered over the phone, over the, on television they had like a commercial for stop snoring, you know, wear this mouth guard. So I ordered it, I started wearing it right away, and within like a year,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at a dentist. I mentioned he was like, you know, what's going on? I was like, oh, by the way, I also, I wear one of these. And they go, you know, we make custom ones. Like that's what, it's a very common practice and it keeps your teeth from grinding and it also prevents snoring. But the, the way that it prevents snoring, people snore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For different reasons, uhm, sometimes people snore nasally, sometimes people's tongue falls back in their throat, but like the most common one is that a lower jaw opens, right, you're unconscious, you're asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a custom one made, which is nice, but you know, they're made of plastic and then every few years you're like, it looks terrible and you get a new one. So I was just, this became my regular routine year after year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and by the way, I would go to the same, hey, can I get a new one? Sure. And they're expensive. They're like 500, 600 bucks or something. But you'd be like, yeah, it became my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My comfort, not only did it reduce snoring, which was obviously going to help you from hearing it, but you also, when you're not snoring, you're sleeping deeper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're waking up all the time snoring. Yeah, you're waking up when that's happening and you're not having as deep a sleep. So I would feel more rested. And sometimes, you know, if I forgot it at home, I mean, I would have you like, hey, overnight me this thing to this. Because it was my security blanket. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about that, like 2007, all the way into like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twenty-two thousand twenty-one twenty-two. And all this time I'm going to that no one's saying shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We move here, I'm seeing this dentist for the first time, I've just met her, we just moved here. Does the cleaning, oh yeaah, you know, your gums look great, and then she just casually throws out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, has your bite always been like this? And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you know, your bite, has it always been like this? I'm like, what's wrong with my bite? She's like, you know how like your teeth kind of meet in the middle? I'm like, no, but I have a, I have a slight overbite. And she was like, no. And I'm like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I pulled your lower jaw up and I made my jaw move and my teeth move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's crazy is unless you have like a dentist like the one here who clearly along this path would have said something to me, they'll just keep selling you the thing. And so now she's like, yeah, she's like, I can't fix it. So she sent me to an orthodontist. I've never been to an orthodontist. I've never had any like aesthetic stuff done to my teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he was just like, oh yea, we have to move. And then he told me, he's like, hey, we're seeing this more. Like people are coming in with this more. So I've been wearing Nash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that my jaw and teeth can move back to the position they were in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yes, it is, because I go for follow-ups and he's like, you know, they measure it in like millimeters, but he's like, it's working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's wild, dude. That's pretty wild. What's your dental update?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That does bother me. That's why travel days are kind of the worst. The worst thing about travel day is when your shitting gets interrupted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to get up hour and a half before so that I don't want to feel like, Oh my God, I got to run out the door. I like to sit around a little bit, take my time to wake up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can wait on coffee a little while, but I just like to like, yeaah, I like a slow wake up. That to me sets me straight for the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So relax. I do. I like, I like to wake up like that. I know. I don't like a rush of a wake up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That kind of eased my way into some sunlight, you know, daylight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it to happen within the next 45 minutes. A lot of times I do wake up, like I said, gradual, some sunlight, and then coffee, breakfast, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, interesting. A lot of times breakfast is what sends me into their shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty cool. Uhm, I think you'll enjoy this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the son of a co-founder of the nationally renowned Bucky's convenience store. Hey, Bucky's my favorite. Very famous here in Texas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was arrested Tuesday in Travis County, faces 28 separate state jail felony charges of invasive visual recordings. Mitchell Wasik, 28, was released one hour after being arrested on a $10,000 bond per charge for a total of $280,000 in the condition he not contact the complainants according to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Travis County Jail Records. A woman reported she and a few friends were visiting the lake house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Mitchell Wasek when one friend who works cyber security for the Department of Defense noticed a charging port with a hidden camera plugged into the wall of their bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The group of friends left with the camera and on its micro card found dozens of videos of themselves and other people in bathrooms and bedrooms at the lake house as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As at Mitchell Wasick's Dallas apartment, they were unaware that the recordings existed in the bathroom and the bedroom and indicated they did not consent to being recorded or photographed. According to the affidavit, a warrant was obtained to review the contents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the camera and found 68 movie files containing at least 13 male and female individuals being recorded using toilets, showering, changing clothes, and or having sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Additionally, as David states, the videos were found to have been recorded in multiple different locations dating back to 2021, which included a downtown Austin condo, a vacation home in Telluride, Colorado, both owned by his parents. According to property records, Amazon records also link purchases of spy cameras.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To Mitchell Wessek, I gotta say, I totally get it. I think it's, uh, it's probably a fun thing to get involved in, although it sounds like it's against the law.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I would like to see that, I just don't, it doesn't arouse me, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Really? See what comes out. Yeah. See how it looks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The holidays are the busiest time of the year. Don't get stuck worrying about shipping orders. Let ShipStation do the heavy lifting so you or your team can put your time, money, and energy into more important things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to those inevitable holiday returns, ShipStation automates, recommends exchanges, and gathers customer feedback. So even if they bought the wrong size or color, they'll still have a great experience. I mean, the best part...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see which carrier is taking it. It really is centralized and easy to manage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he was in the shower, I believe, when he was locked up, and he saw this guy's, this guy showering across, you know, the shower stall, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that he was mesmerized by the guy's ass. And then he went over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he just said he's gonna give him a baby, you know, that's how good it felt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't just come into someone's ass and make a baby. No, it's not worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't even know if the other guy consented to it, you know.


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[Assistant] Something tells me there's not much of a choice in this situation. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's known to have, uhm, snatched a bunch of booties when he was locked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, there's a reason he's doing interviews. This isn't just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, uh, maybe it's a little different when you're locked up. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that was a fun story to kind of wrap up the first half here. Why don't we take a quick break?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we are super excited to welcome to the studio, don't forget that the new album drops December 1st. It's artificial intelligence. It's Esso of Zarfax everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still remember, I still remember the day when I woke up, you know, you're just like straggling around and then at some point you open your phone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see all these mentions, and I'm like, what the fuck is this? Everyone's like, oh shit, oh shit, you gotta mention, you gotta mention on the new Zarface album. I'm like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I start like, I'm immediately like run through and it's, I mean, it, it is like, honestly, it's one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. The shout out. I'm serious. I'm bizarro. Thank you. Yeah. And, um, and I was like, this is why that really felt to me, like, you know, everyone has these things, like I've made it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, that was like, oh, I fucking, this is the shit. No, it really is the coolest thing that ever happened to me. And then to make that even cooler, you guys were like, Hey, can we shoot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, music video with you guys. And so for people who haven't seen her or don't know, you can just go on YouTube and look up Zarface Bizarro and uh, it's a fucking rad music video. It came out so good. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you ever stop and think about the fact that like, you basically, I'm saying as a whole mate, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you've built, like what you've made. You know, this is what you wanted to do with your life and career. And now you're at whatever, eight albums with Inspect the Deck as your, you know, your co, your guy, right? Like you're a group. So you and George obviously, but like, but it's fucking crazy, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, actually I was a, I was about to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, I don't want to give away, I was about to do something with one of the big wrestling organizations. Okay. This is like a couple of years ago. Yeah. And the person who was most excited to do it with like the guy who reached out, who's a wrestler. Yeah. He got hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's kind of fascinating that you're performing in a medium where the whole thing is say words and you're supposed to say these written words but then there's a magic word and you have to, you have to dance around it even though like that's part of what you're supposed to be saying. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't believe that it was happening. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I'll call you back sometime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know what you have to do, right? You have to take that knowledge and at some point just kind of drop it into a song. You know, like, I'm running like the cows in Europe, like that kind of thing. That has to be a lyric.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ray Spock, the Dutch. Cause probably trivial, like little, like bits of knowledge that you pick up from conversations, those find their way into songs sometimes, right? Absolutely.


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[Assistant] So true. Yeah, mispronouncing things. Also sometimes you like go back and you're like, that doesn't really rhyme. Like something doesn't rhyme, but that makes that lyric stand out. The fact that they were like almost forcing a rhyme or just accepted that something, but kept it in. Yeah, definitely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. It happens in stand-up a lot too, like where you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you can like take a new position. You're like, Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dumber, like the, the funnier thing is to be dumber in this situation. So I'll, I'll, I'll embrace that. But sometimes, yeah, sometimes you try to embrace the way you made a mistake and then that can't be duplicated sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and in the moment slang, do, do the, do rappers and black people have a newsletter that tells them here's what the kids are saying?


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[Assistant] Mark in your head when certain, you're like, Oh, this expression is a thing. You know what I mean? Like it feels like anyone can look back through life, but I feel like you would have a better perspective on it because your job is words, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's interesting. So cause, so your thing is that if like kids are saying it and then I say it, then I sound like a guy trying to be a kid? Yeaah. I think so. Yeaah. I think so. So does that mean you stick, you try to stick to the either slang that you grew up with or just that you're hearing other adults say?


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[Assistant] Break it down. So the reason one- the reason one time became slang is that- Don't get me in trouble. No, no, no, no. The reason one time became slang is that if you're in a car, and you see police,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can look at them one time before you elicit a reaction from them that would make them suspicious. In other words, if like there's a cop over here and you can look once, looking once is okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they call it the one time. But if you look more than once, then they're like, why does that person keep looking over here? You're, you're, you're eliciting the suspicion by keep looking at them. So you get the newsletter too. Well, that's, I got it. I got the book about the newsletter. I read the book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so lyrically maybe he can grow, but I mean he has the right kind of cadence, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, you know that, um, Nadav, uh, left. He's doing his own thing now. We have, here's him on his first Patreon upload.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's dope. But wait, what were some of the cants like that you started? Cause that's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This speaks to the fact, and I think this goes for comedy as well, is that when something gets so big and so popular


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the genre actually has no boundaries anymore. And meaning that, and also because of the way that technology works that everyone can upload.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, either their songs or their, or their, their routines and they, they put them up and, and you just get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're just like, here's the thing. What's, what's really good will always get the attention of the masses. Like it's something that's like really good. And then there's everything in between. And some people, there's somebody who's like, I love this. You know what I mean? Like this is my shit right here. But it's, I mean, I get what you're saying. Cause in,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In comedy, it's like, you know, it had like, these are the boundaries of comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now then there became like anti-comedy and you know what I mean? Like the anti-joke and there's really subversive stuff and there's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super alt stuff, and there's countries, and there's, there's songs that are funny, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's massive. It speaks to the fact that, and hip-hop's like, I always remind like, when I talk to somebody who loves hip-hop today, I'm like, you know when I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ice cube and then like that was it. That was it. That was all that was available. And then now the genre is so, so massive that there's just endless amounts of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you do the thing or did you have the temptation when you started to do really like x-rated songs, you know? That feels like a young man's kind of- I know some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a hip hop question for you. This is something I've thought a lot about and I realize I haven't been able to really ask somebody, certainly not a professional, about their opinion on this. So that when hip hop started,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very easy to, because, you know, things obviously become more complicated as they evolve. It was very easy to imitate the early day rappers, right? It was very much like ABC one, two, three, you know, like, like it's, that's how it started. And I was, I was trying to think of who.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like the first people that it became, wow, like almost difficult, in some cases almost impossible to imitate. And I was like, you know, I think


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[Assistant] There's definitely some rhyme schemes that Trash came up with that I was like, that's actually complicated to duplicate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could say E40 on some things for sure too, that's not an easy thing to imitate. But then that Busta Rhymes took the, and ran with it as far as like, okay that's not just something you can just repeat easily. Right, right. Who do you think, or does that line up for you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ODB stories, I mean, I'm sure you can get, you probably know, but like, the stuff that I've seen in interviews, how they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, showing up to sessions and then, and also being like, we don't even, it's not like, hey, go in there, let's talk about this. They would just like, in some cases, just hit record and see what happens. And he would just go off on these things that were like magic moments that you captured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard Pharrell, uh, tell a story about when he did a song with, with ODB. I forget the name of the song right now, but how he said ODB was like, what are you going to do? And that Pharrell was like, just do your ODB shit. And then he's like, I don't know what you mean. So Pharrell did his impression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of ODB to him, he was like, do that. Yeah. Oh, okay. So like he was doing him to him. Okay. Do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the cool thing, and this is for real, he's fine. He's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This shit I never understand. I never understand, hey, you know what the fun thing is? I'm gonna stick a limb or my head into a predator, a deadly predator's mouth. I don't get what the fun is here. I really don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, cause they're German? Yeah. Uh, cause the Nazis trained them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that a dog owner of a German shepherd needs to tell that German shepherd what their grandparents did? Like they think they should be like, you shouldn't be proud of your lineage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've attacked, you've attacked black people in Mobile. You've killed Jews in DACA. Do you think that's something that you should tell that dog? That's such a good idea. Let them know what their history is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm on flights and things go wrong, it just doesn't like, it doesn't make my heart race a bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been on some, you know, I fly a lot, like you, and I've had, you know, if you fly that many times, you're gonna have, so I've had a couple wacky ones. I had one in particular last year on tour that was, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, hey, uh, I don't know if we're going to be able to land because of visibility. Cause there's like really bad weather. And I was like, Oh, cut the shit. Like we're going to fucking land. And then they go, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if, uh, if the visibility isn't there, and then when we were approaching, I'm looking out, I'm like, oh, you can't see a fucking thing. And we did land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And right before he was like, if we can't land, we're going to do one, a pass, try to do it again. And then if we can't land there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I thought that whole thing was gonna come off and just flatten them. Yeah. Oh, you took your headphones off. Yeah, I took my headphones off. I'm looking at you. Yeah, no, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. Everybody's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, my favorite's the guy that's six feet from her. He's just like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, that person is suffering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, the album comes out December 1st. Will there be a tour that follows this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey! You just watched an episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was almost deformed looking big boobs. Huh, cool. I had to be real big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why'd you think that was me? Uh, just, cause like, it wasn't worth the time. You know, just like, I don't have time for this. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? You know what I will say? What? There is someone that we don't know about yet. Who? Ohhhh. The new guy. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did notice that about, I mean, multiple things, but yea, posture. Posture was a huge one actually, yea, like, I would have to do the thing, you know, you pull the string or whatever and it would go up straight. It's funny, yea, you don't have to do that as often if you're just, you know, eating or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About like, I think I recorded a weekend, on a weekend I was recording two days, I ate more than 10,000 calories in over a weekend, which was pretty nuts, and it was all garbage, it wasn't like, yeah, good food, it was trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Order, uh, the full order, I'd probably do three burgers, the spicy ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, three spicy chicken sandwiches. Okay. And then, um, fries? Yeah, that's about it. I think that's about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well cause I've done it, I mean obviously now, I think the hardest part about eating healthy, I've tried it in the past and I know I always failed because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it still happens now that if it's late at night and I don't have anything to eat and I'm like, oh, what can I eat? The only fucking thing that's open is McDonald's. Yeah, sure, sure. In and out, fucking pizza. So you get, I would just eat shitload of pizza and then I'd be back on it, you know, the next day. It's like, well, there goes the healthy fucking cake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, no, like, uh, there was a day where I caved cause maybe she was doing something or whatever and I had some pizza or something and not only did it feel bad eating it but then the next day I woke up and I like, I felt like I could feel the gunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100%, yeaah, I think you're all thinking that, yeaah, everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a whole bunch of, like, so there's a space escape room where you're like an astronaut in like the ISS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normal sized? Straight sized. Oh, it's cause you don't want to use the word normal. Like normal size is implying that she's not normal. And she is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, uh, it's almost like you're in the Matrix, like things move as you move. That's cool, I like that. And then there's people coming in trying to kill you so you like throw stuff at them and they shatter like glass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's one for Tom, I think there's like a battle arena type one, where you go in and just, bodies just start coming at ya, and you could tear off arms and start beating them with it, tear off their heads, start throwing at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we could get you some rigs too, cause I know that there's some two handed guns, probably an onward that you, that you play with, that it's kinda hard to get the sights, right? You can get one of those, like, things that magnetically come in, so it just always stays straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we use that too. What do you say? They're wired in, they can't hear you. Cause they're, everything, like every sense is being overtaken there. It's just like you can't talk to someone in real life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I've dropped five pounds since last time you saw me. So overall, I'm like 25 pounds down. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's do a little Garth Request thing, okay? I'll bring my guitar, you bring the songs. Let's have some fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, she said as long- as long as I'm cool with it and it's- and I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is playing football though. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah. Uhm, I uh, yeah, that's tough. My question for a lot of these videos that are unearthed


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make sure you head on over to Satva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit. And you can get two hundred dollars off any mattress of your choice. Welcome in home. Listen up, we're back with another episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your mama's place. That's what a lot of times I meet people. They go, I love your mama's place. Uhm, the guy stopped me the other day and he goes, man, I love your podcast. I go, thanks. He goes, I was listening to your, your, um, your mom's thing with your, you and Bert. I was like, that's it. That's the one we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, yep, uhm, but thank you. Thank you all for joining us, for watching, for listening, for uhm, doing this while you drive, while you take a shit, whatever you're doing. Thanks for joining us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we had that place that makes salmon. We get it pretty often. It's very oily, not just the salmon. Like there's a, there's some, I don't know what's made with it. They put broccoli, but then they put like some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what's it called? I can't think of the word. It's like... Couscous? Yeah, something like that. Tabouli? But it's always very oily in there. I only eat the salmon in like a couple bites, but it's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my favorite thing is if this woman has a su- like support in this, get her out of that town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so he's taking us through the first step. Use your charm. Uh, it's a lot of compliments. Isolate her from where she has a support system and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You gotta study him. He always, he's giving, we've played him before. He gives, he's like, what did he, he did one, uh, advice, uhm, oh, big dick problems, that was a, that he did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he's really, I mean, he's young, so he's definitely, he's, I feel like he's had, um, a mentor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he's, eh, he had like an older brother or an uncle who was telling him all this shit his whole life. Yeah, yeah. He's a pretty young guy to be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very thoughtful. Chad was that? Or Josh? This is from Josh. Josh, thank you so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, uh, that is something we didn't really think about, that we could hit targets from across the room, across the shuttle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With every ounce of our might, Elon, are you gonna send Tom to space to come? Why doesn't he know about this yet? Seriously. He'll post a meme tomorrow if we hit him enough. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This might, this might be great promo for when my special comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a beautiful world. And uhm, Elon, I just want you to know that I'm willing to, to do it for humanity. I'm not, I'm not trying to get paid. I just wanna, I want, I want people to know what happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's two, there's two, I've thought about this. Sure. There's one if like, if I just get a space seat and they're not down with the cum angle of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to, I'm gonna have to like, get real backed up, stay aroused. Probably have to go up there with some good visuals, you know? Might have to bring, I don't know, something with some downloads on it. Just something to get my brain kind of in the mood. You know? Because in that case, I'm gonna have to, I think not wear underwear, you know? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if they're like, yeah, of course this is a good idea. Then it's different because then they, they'll arrange for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if they're like, look, we can't play videos because of, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone bent over. It's like 70's style. You just have to rip pages out of magazines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like an old mechanic shop, but we're up in space. Oh, the irony, being in this multi-billion dollar shuttle. I had to tape photos. Yeah, it could happen. I mean, there's only one way to make it happen, and that's for all of us to come together. Hit up the old E-Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yup. Let em know. We wanna go. I wanna come in space. By the way, uhm, I've still gotten messages every day about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the, uh, the production on that, the game, the story, and it got me thinking, you know, one-on-one is a really exciting fun thing for people to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there might be, is that right? Is that Murmur? Is that right? That there might be a one-on-one game between our very own Enny and Ryan Hall. That's what I heard. I heard you guys might play one-on-one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could, you're leaving the possibility open until maybe you wouldn't because you don't play a lot of basketball. You haven't played a lot of basketball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're still confident enough in your skillset that you could, that you're capable of beating him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think you guys should play for a cash prize, personally, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you wager? What would you personally wager where it's not, it can't be something that affects your lifestyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wouldn't play, like, one-on-one, it doesn't take that, don't do what I did, play to 11, don't play to 21. 11 is, can be over relatively quickly. Yeah, that's better for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you should bring it down to a little more, just slightly more economic level. That's a significant amount of money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys obviously both have to agree on it. I can say this, I mean, he, uh, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I think we should definitely have a, don't you think that one on one would be fun to watch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you are doing what the out of town game guy just did right now and you're, you're, you're inflating him up and I'm here for it. Get him going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so you've been paying attention, and he immediately was like, 10 grand. I'll beat him. When you said it like that. I know. When you said it. Personally, I feel like, I mean, I'd have a real problem with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we're not doing it tomorrow, and you would get clearance from a doctor to do this. Have to. Uhm, what do you think, I mean, you say, I think till 11 is, is what you actually do. Definitely till 11. Ones and twos. Right? Ones and twos. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you feel like, okay, I know you're like, right now, you're emotional, the competitive juices are going, and he's called you out, but do you honestly feel like that it's reasonable to bet that amount?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so we can get an answer to this pretty soon. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you think that's not as much of a fact? Like, most people would go like, this person has played this a lot. Why doesn't it affect just the heart? Like, just that heart thing? Oh, why could I win? Like, most people, when they go, someone has played a sport a lot that you haven't played, go, well that's obviously a huge advantage, that they're familiar with the sport much more. You don't think that's a factor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, that's the mentality. That's cool. So you accept though that he's much more... Likely to win? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Alright. This is... God, you're such an interesting guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you feel comfortable if he lost, if, if he lost, I'm just throwing, I'm just having this conversation, if you were to beat him, what's a reasonable amount as his boss that you feel like, you know, my employee could hand this over to me and I would not feel ethically challenged by this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would agree with this. Uhm, so then, you know, I mean that's funny, that's kind of an interesting one, like you doing his job, but what would he do if uhm, if you win? What kind of thing would you have any do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm, I'm into this. Let's just- We'll keep thinking about it. But like, let's, let's not kick this too far down the road. I want, you know, I want the wager and the date set very s- I want the, the okay from the doc first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. All right. We'll talk to you gentlemen soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that gets people in trouble, you know? That's what's interesting to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Join the 8 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped by going to Manscaped.com for 20% off plus free shipping with the code MOM. I don't know about you, but my nuts can always use a freshening. A little sprinkling if you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fuckin', I don't know how, this happened organically, and now it's my favorite thing in the world. Where I was in the hallway, like a week ago, and I, I had to fart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Barista I Love You, as we've been telling you guys that when you, you go to the drive thru, you order, say I love you, and we've seen the whole, a host of reactions. People don't hear it, people laugh, people say I love you back. I mean, it's a, it's a fun thing we've been doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda had us going in one direction, and then you took us to another place. Okay. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The friend of the show, he's been on, uh, where my mom's at. And, um, the great thing, he took it to another level. He did this in dining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, thanks, I love you. Now he did, he also did the cadence that you can get away with the most with, which is kind of, he goes, hey mommy, I'm trying to get it. So you kind of go with it. And even at the end there, he was like, ah, I love you. Like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of make, you can continue it and you do it in the same tone as your regular make sense order. And then if you do that, it kind of just fades along and they kind of don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, uh, he's, you know, he's painted murals and paintings and he's actually currently, you can see his stuff in Austin as he's painting things around town and an incredible artist, but he's currently painting a mural here at YMH Studios that is, I don't think we've actually shown the whole thing yet. Right? Not just bits and pieces. It's bits and pieces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, he gave a, he didn't do the thing. He didn't do, man, I love you. He said, thanks, I love you. So he did. This is what's known as risk taking. This is where I can actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pay off more or go the other way. What? What they did was completely shut down. They were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a laugh. That's a great laugh. She doesn't hear that a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we got two of the two best reactions you can get. Somebody laughing or someone being like, love you too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Learn how to dress, speak English. Yea, dipshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, let's take a quick break. Okay. And we'll be right back. Right back. We're back and you can go right now. This instant, this very moment to YouTube and check out the new special, Sounds Like Bruce, give it up for Jay Larson everybody. It's a great title. Thank you. That's a great title.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I don't know, like, basically, if you get a bit like this, you know, you can still come up with great stuff, but that is like one of those, like, you only get like one or two like that in your whole career. If you're banging out stuff all the time, you don't get ten of these. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a, it's such a good bit. I mean, and it's, it's in the, I'm so glad you put it in the special. Cause I remember you doing this when we would do like, like little rooms and you know, like showcase spots in LA. And it needed to be in a special, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool. Uh, mine was accidental and I tried to, you know, like hide it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you got good genetics in the fam. Old school. People are leaving the, living in their 90s.