[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got loaded up Northgard and I was like, I was trying to get like a multiplayer game and everyone's got like this rank and they're like, all of them have like 10,000 point rank or something and I've got like 17 after like four fucking games and I'm like, how have you got fucking like 10,000 points, I mean you must have played like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thousands of fucking games of this game. Like every, I'm just, I wanna know like from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there is like a game that you, for some reason, keep finding yourself going back to, you play it all the time, your, it's your thing, like, well like, what, what, what is that game? And cause there must be, it must be, there must be these people, these people who do this in every fucking game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, I just clicked on Steam. Duncan has just downloaded a game called Fortify, which is a base designer for Rust. Quickly plan your base with lots of helpful tools.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could throw bombs at it and see where the C fall would hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a balance to be held? Like can you have like a vault? Like a, like a high, high value like treasure room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, mate. Mate feels, feels a bit like I, I'm not, I'm not the right kind of person to say that. You don't say mate. It's kind of, you know, you have to be a bit more woke to be able to say mate. But no, uh, uh, dude, dude's the easiest. Say man, it's always like you're complaining. What about when girls call you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like there's tears, tears of like, of laughter. You know, it's like we've always had it. You know, you can, I think, I think a lot of the times this is how language works, right? You're looking for a shortcut. Everyone always wants to, don't have to say long things. They don't want to say, well that was awkward. They just want to say, you know, motorists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's just taking a shortcut, right? In terms of language. Like, you know, you know, no one refers to you as Christopher or whatever. It's Chris. You know, it's, it's like, it's, and it feels awkward to have these like a mouthful of, you want it to be quick. It's like, it's like belay that order, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that wasn't really a complaint actually, that was more positive than I anticipated. I thought, I thought that story was going, like you took your eyes off of for a second, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless it involves some Mission Impossible style, you know, like rope from the ceiling where you get to dangle over an alarmed floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you piece of shit. So Windows, I think is like democracy, right? It's the worst one we have, but it's the only one that we can, do you know what I mean? It's the worst form of thing apart from all the others.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read a thing this week about how, like, cause people, there was this thing on Reddit, I sometimes read Reddit, I don't know, I shouldn't, it's terrible, it's full of crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About how like the Greeks were kind of the original democracy, right? Ancient Greeks. And they actually really gave a shit about what people said. And it really didn't work. It kind of led to like the downfall, right? The democracy that they had where they actually asked people what they thought, cause people, the general


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are very knee-jerky, they're very kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean Windows, it feels, I don't know, it feels like people who work at Microsoft probably just like, they're like, they have to kind of justify their job. They're like, oh, I'm going to add this new, I'm going to work on this new thing. And you end up with this terribly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Loaded mess of a product and it seems like everything starts off like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone should just shut up and put up with how miserable they are. It's very British. I don't know, like I was thinking about this today, like this morning, I woke up and I was like, it's sometimes like rare that I get like super excited about stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was trying to, well since then I was trying to think what made me excited. And I realised it was like, uhm, partly like doing stuff with friends that is difficult. Like, you know, like winning a, like, P-Flex, you know what it's like when you win a Dota game that's been particularly hard for, when you're going back and forth, you know. It's a relief. Kind of winning against the odds, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's only really like, I'm surprised it's taken so long for traditional movie stars to filter through to basically, you know, an industry that is bigger than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was smart enough to make jokes that are actually like jokes. Cause there's always like this, this is Twitter, like kids write jokes, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I get it, like that's a really interesting thing cause, cause does that mean that the things that we're trying to avoid our kids doing now, they're going to be encouraging them to do in like 40 years, you know, so like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A parent's gonna be trying to force their kids to play Fortnite and like, you know, get them into it. It's like, you're allowed to take all your synth drugs if you play two hours of Fortnite, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I guess more, more like, it's always happened, I guess, like, you know, back in the day, you had to, if your parents were, were, were into, I don't know, playing piano and they wanted you to be a piano prodigy, then at the age of four, you'd be encouraged to have piano lessons and they'd encourage your parents to encourage that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's like, I don't, I'm not a parent, I'm not even hoping to be one, you know, it's a scary thing to have that responsibility and like, you know, make a decision. Do you want, do you like, what do you encourage your kids to do? What's gonna, what's gonna mess them up? I don't know, you just have to sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess just be, be sensible about it. Uhm, but yeaah, as he lands. Sounds, sounds like a good one, P-Flex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I can't say that, but I, I feel like, I feel like I want to express that I always double up. You double up your door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I came back, uh, home yesterday, and I put the key in, and the door just opened. Right? It wasn't like, it wasn't locked. Okay? Was the hair that you taped across the doorway also missing? Uh, I don't do that, but I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now no one else had been visiting, no one lives with me. There's no one else there. Okay. So I assume, I, I, I texted my cleaner. I was like, have you been in today? She was like, no, I was in two days ago. I was like, yeah, but did you come back around or anything? And she was like, no. So I was like, okay, that's the only other person who has a key.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was lying in bed last night thinking, should I be worried? Someone obviously has come into the place today. I think it was, I don't know, but I assume it must be the landlord because he's the only person who would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well my place is such a shithole, it's like the garbage temple, you know. Right, okay. That if they did come in they would have left like a trail of cleanness through it, you know, just to push their way through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I assume he has a key, I don't know, he's never come in. And also, he said these are the only keys when he gave them to me and I had to get one cut for my cleaner. But, he must have a spare, right? He must have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, right? I think I am going a bit mad because, well, just madder than usual, because I watch so many and listen to so many like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things about murders and true crime and crime stuff. I love it. You listen to true crime podcasts. But at the same time, I'm slightly beginning to think it like is making me more suspicious about things that I shouldn't be suspicious about. Right. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Yes. There was that, that show I watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About the serial killer, uh, it was on Netflix recently, but she basically watched, um, so he tried to kill someone who'd watched all of The Walking Dead. Okay. Right. And so she was a very paranoid woman. Okay. She was like ready to fight zombies, basically. And so when he attacked her, he ended up getting fucked over. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well she was also a vet, so she was quite used to dealing with like, yapping animals and stuff, like quick physical moves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, so I think that all contributed though. So I'm saying what I am, I feel like both, at one stage I'm very prepared for any crazy stuff to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm very on edge, you know. I think a lot of people just say, oh, the door's open, no worries. But I'm like thinking, do I need to get a little camera now? You know, I'm like, I'm like going to start beefing up my, I'm a bit worried, you know, but at the same time I'm thinking, is this just madness because I watched and listened to too much of this stuff and I'm paranoid that there's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a pretty low murder rate, that's true. There's a bit of a stab at stabathon going on all over the country. In London there is, yea. Well, London, yea. But yea, I mean apart from that, I mean if you're gonna get stabbed you can kinda see it coming, you know, no one's waiting in your cupboard, you know, or there's no ghost ships


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if there was a river like hundreds of thousands of years ago and it died, you know, it got, I don't know, dried up or whatever. Could a ghost ship go up a ghost river?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, if you've got any weed, or like you smoke weed, they mention weed like instantly. It's such a kind of global, you can't think Holland without thinking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You prepare, because now it's all legal in like Canada, you, you, you were like, if you had that infrastructure ready to go, you could have just been like, bam, new marketplace, expand, expand, expand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good. I've been enjoying like actually going through, um, games that have more story in lately as well. Weirdly, I used to be the other way around. I used to be very much like, I just want my games to be mind numbing and repetitive and just, you know, but now I kind of want to either think or have a, have a story be told in a, in a decent way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was, it's a combination of things, but I think it's just a time, time, time mainly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, playing Obra Dinn last year and then playing like a bunch of games since then that have had like really good stories or just been like better than a movie or TV show, you know, just kind of like, I've just finished playing Observation on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I can't, I can't even name like so many set in like the near future, mostly people go mad with, with, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's always the risk though. It's like, oh shit, something's so good it's ruined everything else for me. I think that's a nice problem to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's the same, guys, it'll come back to you, don't worry about it. I think it is a strange, like, for me, like, it's difficult to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a psychological thing, like sometimes doing things that are, you know, are good for you. When you do, like, when you read a book, you're like, damn, why don't I read books more? And like, when I do like yoga, I'm like, why don't, why don't I do this like more regularly, you know, and stuff. It's like, I always regret, like, and then I forget, you know, I don't know. Sometimes silly, isn't it? Like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it like gambling? Do you know what I mean? Is it like you're, you're, you watch this thing and it could be a, it could be a lunatic, but it could just be a boring old woman, traffic stop, you know, who's just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's interesting to me is like how almost all of these, these like big crimes kind of end up getting busted by someone making either like a stupid mistake, you know, so just, it almost like I was watching this thing yesterday and it was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they had been a little bit smarter, you know, if they hadn't just like kept a souvenir from each of the, you know, people that they killed in their house, they'd just not been so stupid, then they would have gotten away with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not like, I'm aware that that's like not, those people get caught because they are not, you know, completely hinged. But, but, but at the same time, the mafia, they are quite smart with how they, you know, do crime and therefore they persist today in like many forms. You know, it's like a billion dollar, a trillion dollar industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that if people are smart, it's incredibly easy to get away with it. That's the scary thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's always like a weird thing for me though, right? Like if you, if you, if you're confrontational, if you're like, if they say, can I search your vehicle and you say no, when you've got, when you actually have nothing in there, I think that's going to cause more trouble, right? Is it not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, also it's not just dumb people who get caught, it's people who kind of get sucked into it for some reason or people who are desperate or people who are forced into it by someone else or tricked into it by someone else. Yeah, there are lots of reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, that is enough podcast for today. Thank you everybody for listening. We'll be back next week, hopefully with some, uh, more stories, but we'll probably just be in the dead game for the week. I'm sure I'll repeat myself a couple of times. Don't judge me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I, I feel like you've got like some little pills and a scroll and stuff like that. And, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you just get shit-faced and accomplish the same thing, like inappropriate happiness, yeaah. That's one side of it. Anytime I'm drunk, I'm fairly inappropriately happy, like, uh, in general, I would say, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a different kind of, yeaah. That's crazy to think though that you're taking something that can alter your, uh, state of mind, uh, so intensely. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're walking through the hospice with like constant jazz hands, like you can't stop, dressed as a magician doing jazz hands with a top hat and smiling. I think you can do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's the intent behind it though, right? You can't mask like swearing because like you, you, you are intending to like, the intent to swear is there, but you're just like sort of covering it up with like, with something else, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're still sinning. Yeah, you're still sin, like if you're not, you're not supposed to swear. If you're a true Christian, you shouldn't be swearing. And, but masking swears with like PU55Y or like the P155 and all that kind of stuff is, you know, like you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your sinful intent is apparent, is all I'm saying. Like, mask all you want, but I see through your cloak of lies and tricks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think early on, I think, I think throughout Hitler was totally insane. But early on, I think he delegated more. And I think the problem later in the war for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, not for the rest of the world, but definitely for them was that Hitler got more involved with getting in the way of the strategies and making dumb, even more dumb decisions sort of thing. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think his, I think his craziness just started enveloping like all levels of command sort of thing. Whereas early on, I think he had strategists and generals that just sort of said, we will do it this way. And then they just went and they did it and, and, and it was fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, they were, they were shit scared of him because he was actually insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Hey, have you guys seen this show that's on, I think it's on BBC One on uh, Friday? It's called The Goes Wrong Show. Have you seen this? Or heard of it? No. Fuck me man, it's really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, yea, but so every week it's like a different play, but it's like, there's all the, it's just, it's dumb slapstick, but man, it is really fucking funny. Like there's been, I think three or four episodes. I'm not sure if it's like just the first series or whatever, but I've, I've really liked it. Like it is just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very innocent, you know, like there's just lots of like stupid shit like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like props like being handed to them by like, you know, some dude, you know, like some, some, some like stagehand or whatever, but like he manages to like get in, in shot and stuff. Like it's just everything that can go wrong goes wrong, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You open a door on the set and it leads to nowhere. So the guy, but like all of the actors are like totally committed to seeing the play through no matter what happens sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really, it's pretty clever, it's pretty funny, like, uh, you should check it out if you haven't seen it. It's good. I've been laughing a lot at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's like ex-SAS guys who do like this thing where people try out and they do the same sort of things that they have to do to get into the SAS. They have to do this shit where they fall off a cliff backwards into water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, they just fall off a cliff. Yeah, that sucks. You just fall off a cliff backwards with your arms crossed and if you can't do it, you're out. Like it's super unforgiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting though, because it's like the hardest, it's like, I think it's the, the hardest like test to, of, of any organization.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting. I've only like half, like been half watching it. Like I'm not like super into it, but it's pretty good. It's alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, like, officers are like that, but then the trench boys are like, oh, pass me my fucking chocolate, right fucking now, fuck you, fuckity fuck, fuck motherfuckers, like that's like, but like the SAS guys even more so, like it's actually staggering how many fucks they can fit into one sentence. I thought I was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the thing, like, a lot of people don't realize, like, uhm, like in World War II, you know, everybody says that, like, you know, aw, France just, like, just, just keeled over and gave up, sort of thing, but, like, France's military were fucked by the time World War II broke out, like, they, they had...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were the best, but they had, but they had very low numbers that they couldn't afford to lose, because they'd had generations of soldiers, like, wiped out in previous wars, sort of thing. Like, the death toll from World War I itself, for France, was like, insane, for like, the army obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would have been, but I don't know if it was as bad. And I, and I think, I'm not sure, but I think the population of Germany is more so than France, or maybe it was back then. But there was definitely factors involved with France saying, we just, we just cannot afford this. Like it was absolutely cripple us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, how is anybody, how, how is anybody, like, people are just guessing about this stuff, right? Like, you know, like, I'm a certified historian and this is my hot take on this, like, nobody knows, right? Like, it's not like there's a fucking CCTV camera there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like it's just like, a lot of it is just a fable, right? Like it's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like on his way up the hill and everybody's like, go on, Pauldy, go on, go on. And then he's like, right, that's it. And then he takes out one of his pills that his doctor gave him and the Popeye music starts playing and he pops it in his mouth. And then he starts being inappropriately happy with all the people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all guilty? Yeah. It's like, it's like the dungeon master with all of the fucking, with the bulletproof plan, right? Like nothing, it's airtight, nothing can get in, there's always like, it's always like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, but, what about this? Oh, I have a reason for that one too. And this, oh, there's a reason, like, fucking, you can never get around it, like, you can't, you can't fuck with God, he just, he can just do whatever he wants apparently, and just, that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tears are streaming down my face for that one. Man, I was so moved. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and they killed 42 boys. Uhm, another one that always gets me is uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we got it this time, and he fucking does the ultimate sacrifice and jumps off of the wagon. Ah, fuck. That tears me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I think it's good that you're in touch with your emotions, though. I think more people need to be, like, and I think if you're incapable of experiencing emotions, maybe, uh, maybe it's time to get yourself, uh, checked out, you know, like, uh, do some, like, uh, sociopath screening. Yeah, I think people can be too cynical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, so uh, so the TLDR here kids is don't join the cadets. Uh, it's uh, unless you want to have bottles shoved up your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what happened when he was in cadets and they visited the SAS training camp. That's what happened to him. They shut the bottle up his butt. Alright, we need to volunteer. We all do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, he had like the brain of a 90 year old with dementia. Like he was, it was so battered from like pile drivers and just, just from, just from wrestling, like concussions, like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, over the years, uhm, and they, and they think that like that mixed with drugs, he just like fucking went off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, there's a lot of, there's a lot of people, like, just, just playing devil's advocate. I mean, yeah, gun laws, there, there are gun laws in America and there are a ton of people who responsibly own weapons, uh, like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the problem is, the underlying problem is, in America, not just America, a lot of the West now, is that there's this looming mental health crisis that nobody is able to even fathom how to deal with. You know what I mean? Like, and it just gets worse. Like, the West...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Approach to dealing with mental health is still terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the help for people that need it? And how are they getting to the point where they're doing these things? You know what I mean? Like it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got a huge population, like it's, you know, these are, these are, these are, these are just things that you hear about in the news and it seems like it's happening all the time, but really when you look at it, it's not actually happening all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and they don't have the social systems, like, to, to deal with, you know, there's, there's, there's, there's people that have gone on to commit crimes where they, they should have probably been in some sort of institute, uh, under, like, close supervision, like, as a, as some form of threat to themselves or society, and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those places exist in America, but they're private and they're expensive. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is they say happiness comes from within, right? And you can truly be happy within yourself without any external sort of like factors, uh, contributing to like your unhappiness, right? You know, like if you're a monk or something and you, and you meditate,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All day long for like six months by yourself, you're going to be happy, right? You're going to find inner peace and you're, you're, you're, you'll probably be happy. You're doing this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the minute you finish and you go to the store to buy a KitKat and like somebody, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's kinda like a psychologist, but he, he does like, uhm, these seminars on like, you know, like self-awareness, like inner peace and stuff. It's, it's fairly interesting stuff. I'm not like massively into it, but every once in a while, like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and he was telling the story like similar to what I just said about this, this monk and he was like desperate to find, to, to reach like this, this, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] State of mind, this, this higher state of mind where he just like, you know, not, nothing in this material world bothered him anymore. He was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After six months of meditation, he got a letter from like the local council saying that he had to go down and collect something or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's like, okay, great, you know, like I'm spiritually attuned. Nothing will bother me or faze me. I'm just going to float down to the office and fucking stand. So he gets down there. There's this massive fucking snaking queue, like out the building and everything. He's like, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fine, I'm just gonna stand in the queue, wait my turn. He's there for like three hours, he finally gets to the till or whatever and then the person at the desk is like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, actually you needed to fill in form 1C, uh, and what you've done here is you've filled in form 1F. So you're gonna have to go off and fill in form 1C and come back. And at that point, he just fucking lost it. Like, after


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is other people, is what it boils down to. Amen. Hell. Hell is other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all have the exact same cadence, like when they're doing the live report.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you just become another professional news guy. No, you're not gonna stand out. No one's gonna say, oh yea, it's that guy. Like, do you remember there was that weatherman? I'm gonna do a Triforce Classic thing. We have definitely spoken about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rain that in, rain that in, sir. We've done 99.2 episodes, sips, this being the 99.2th. You know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, you know what I like about this is it's a fixed time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also, I think three people is also the right number if you think about when you think about a marriage or a date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this, this one weather guy, he was in the UK, he might have been on Sky, and he would come up, he was a bit, he had a bit of a Bill Nye thing going on with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, is he someone's uncle? Like it's just weird, but it kinda threw you to the point where you weren't listening to the weather, you were just focusing on this guy's weird sort of character. So I think that's part of it, is if I come out and say, you won't believe it, some guy got murdered, holy shit, it was right in your neighborhood, you're gonna come out and say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, sadness today in a small neighborhood, and when father of four, Ben Mercer, was found dead in his cabin. You know, so you gotta do it in that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they had, they had character. Like, anyone remember Walter Cronkite? He was a, he was a newsreader. I remember, but he wasn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're in a Bruce accent, George Allagaia, shout out to George Allagaia. You know, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fiona Bruce, honestly, she's got a commanding presence. She has gravitas. Like, she looks like she's in complete control. A fucking bomb could go off in the studios and she'd be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it felt, it felt like some piece of, um, Asian theatre. Propaganda. The way she spoke. And, uh, you know, she would really shout. And sort of, she was really proud. And like, it was all good news. It was always all good news about how great everything was in North Korea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just imagine you're reading the news in North Korea. There's gonna be some guy there with a gun just waiting in case you happen to go off script.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like honestly, that was the biggest surprise of my life when we heard a chat with him and he said, first of all, and I thought he was going to say, this is no good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, I honestly thought the first thing he was gonna say was, this, this is garbage. You've gotta go back to the drawing board with this. But he was like, first of all, loved it, thought it was great. I was like, what? Like, I could not believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They open with, it's garbage. Like, and then he gave me a huge list of things to change that were all like, that's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also, I had no idea how bad my grammar is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when I was looking through the edits, it was like all these grammatical changes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, with kids around. So I'm trying to do one thing and another thing, like, at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I assume that whatever money there is, we have to pay whoever publishes the book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so yeah, whatever. I mean, I have no idea. I just hope it'll get screwed over. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know some lawyers. Mrs. F knows a lot of lawyers. I'll get them involved. I'll take this to the fucking Supreme Court, Brindley, if I need to. Yeah, yeah. And you Terps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then they cut back to him for a final quote. You know, like, preferably something funny that he says. And then they cut to local law enforcement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some guy, they shoved in front of the camera, sheriff or whatever saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't even represent if it's unavailable to speak about that at the moment, but if you buy the book, you'll find out more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all I have to say. And I'll like throw something, kick something over, punch a photographer, Bjork style, storm off. I've always wanted to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, Mrs. F uhm, took part in a company pub quiz. Wow. On Tuesday. Nice. And she, her team won it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her team won the pub quiz, which I was very excited by. And the first thing that I asked her was, can you give me the questions? And she gave me the questions from the pub quiz. So I've got like a shitload of questions here. There's loads. I'll give you an example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it used to be the sun, uh, last year it was the sun, this year it's the metro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, look on Wikipedia, which has 2019. It goes Metro, then the Sun,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In 2018, it wasn't even in the top 10, so what did the Metro do to become so popular? No, you're definitely looking at the wrong figures. In 2018, it was second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm gonna post this, look at this. Whatever, whatever you're reading is out of date. This is up to date. There, I've posted it on the Discord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. The Guardian has halved its numbers. The Sun has halved its numbers in a decade. Anyway, question two. Criminal gangs were cleaning up from parking meters in London earlier this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a household utility thing? The clue is in the question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have the, um, Richmond and Hampton team, football team. Wow. And they play down in Hampton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we have, uh, the Harlequins, which is the local Twickenham team. They play at the Stoop, which I could walk to. If I was into rugby, this would be ideal, but I'm not, so I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is, I've lived here for 15 years, I probably should have gone at some point. The most exciting thing to happen there in recent memory was Elton John did a concert there. I missed that as well. But I could hear it all from my garden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, that fuck, so when he played at the Stoop, that was part of his farewell tour, and I fucking missed it. I can't believe it, I could have easily gone. So that's it, yeaah, it's gonna end in England in 2021, he's doing that's it, three years, that's it, and then I'm gonna retire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, did you not see, you know the guy, what's his name? The lad who played, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, did you see the weird thing he posted where he sort of talks about himself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause he's fucking weird to me out. He's like, he's like Joffrey walking around in real life. You know what I mean? The dude looks weird, he's creepy and weird, and I just don't like him. And that's, it's completely unfair. I'm really sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that I don't like. I don't know, there's just something about the guy that freaks me out. That's fair enough, man. Who cares? What, what do you not like about Queen? Queen? Why do you hate, why do you hate Queen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is incredible. Like, he's an amazing performer. But when you're 43 fucking years old and you've listened to Queen...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ugh, it's just awful. It's like music made by people that are recovering from a brain injury and this is what they come up with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, this is, I hope Mrs. F doesn't listen to this part of the podcast. I had a girlfriend when I was about 15 or so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was a bit of a nut, and she really loved Queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where when I'd go over to her house, uhm, that was all we would listen to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She- she only listened to Queen. And I mean, the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that was what I was into. It was like guitar driven, kind of rock and metal and grunge and stuff like that. And she was listening to Queen exclusively.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, exactly. And I'm not just saying it to be like a hipster and be cool. No, no. You know, I have a reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my reason. Can we talk about Bryce Dallas Howard some more? Cause she's fucking gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you watch, did you watch Bryce Dallas Howard? Oh yea, she's come up straight away. So, do you remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Yeah. So do you remember the episode where you go around and people upvote you on whether you're nice and they, you know, they give you an extra like or a dislike and you have a certain ratio and if you have a bigger ratio, you're more likely to get social advancement and all the rest of it. So she's angling for people to like her. She was in that episode. She was brilliant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was in that terrible movie that, uh, M. Night Shyamalan made. A Beautiful Mind. No, it wasn't that, he didn't make that. The Village.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she was in that, but it was a different one. No, it was, oh what the fuck was it called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, it was a fucking long time ago, I just quit my job and this was what I was doing was reviewing movies for a website.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, there she was on the red carpet. I was in the little press bit with all the other, like, guys. Were you bald? Uh, no, I had hair at the time. Okay. This was 2006, so I still had a bit of hair. How much? Uh, she was, she was, well enough. I mean, more than now. Look, I'm trying to pitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sounds absolute shit. So it is so fundamentally flawed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I, I had to, it's 109 minutes, I sat through the whole fucking thing with, uh, this other film reviewer who I knew called Rosie, and she was cool. And we watched this film with our jaws on the floor because it's so fucking bad. It is his, it is one of his, and there's many, one of his absolute monstros, monstrously bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not as bad as The Happening, which is the most hysterically awful movie, but it's fucking close. Like, it's a hair's breadth from being that bad. The only thing that saves it, in my opinion, from utter, utter awfulness is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paul Giamatti is in it and I really like Paul Giamatti and Bob Balaban is in it and I really like him. But that it's awful. And that the whole plot is so convoluted, you have to see it to believe it. I recommend watching it just to appreciate how


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking awful it is. And the fact that this was still, they were still giving this guy money. It cost 70 million dollars to make this movie. They gave him 70 million bucks and this is what he came up with. And apparently it was based on a story that he used to tell his kids at bedtime. Like he made this fucking shit up for his kids at bedtime while on the fly and thought


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my friend who's, who's, uhm, is Chinese, he told me that when they had the Olympics there,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In order to clean it up, they literally got a bunch of buses, rounded up all the homeless people, put them on the buses, drove them out to the countryside, and just kicked them off the bus. Nice. Like out, out, out, out, and then went back. They just left them to it. Like a dog. You know what I mean? He's gone, just let him loose in the country. They did that with the homeless people. That's China in a nutshell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they're just like, hm, there's a homeless problem. How can we solve this? Get him on a bus, dump him in the countryside. Done. That's, that's, that's what China's like, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, uhm, when people do the crash for cash thing, uhm, a lot of people, you can find videos all over YouTube. I've spent many hours watching dashcam videos from Russia and China seem to be the number one and two places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The car that did the hitting in the rear is at fault, like almost automatically. It's like if you're hitting the side, it's generally the same thing as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, because you know, it has to be the other drivers fault. Yeaah. In most cases, because you've gone into the back of someone. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, you just reverse into them and say, ah, you crashed into me, aah. But if you have a dash cam, that gets, uh, that gets stuck. I have a dash cam, but I need to get it installed. The problem is, took it to Halfords, they won't install it unless you buy it from them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I said, why? And they said, here's their excuse. What if something goes wrong in the install? We're not covered. I said, so you're telling me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That your guys that do the installing are so bad that they might break the dash cam during the installation. And he was like, we could open. I was like, so that's it. So if I don't buy it from you guys, you won't install it. He was like, yeah. I said, great. Cause most of the mechanics won't do it. They just like, all the ones around here go no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't know how to fucking install this. It's got all cables and shit, I don't wanna break my car. I'll fuck it up. That's just so fucking stupid, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's got like a little, it's got a little, uh, heating element. You put it in a bag with this heating thing, you add water,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spittlefields in London, which is where the Jack the Ripper murders took place, by the way. And we were there, there's like a market there, it's nice, it's all frou-frou and everything. And just on Brick Lane, there's this bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to bring your own booze, it's all underground and it's like a prison. You go in there and you put on like a prison jumpsuit and the waiters will smuggle


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The booze to you as if you're a prisoner and they're smuggling...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's like a warden that goes around and talks shit to you, you're in a cell and everything. And I was like, oh man, the guy said, yeah, but you've got to book it. It's like fully booked for like a month. It's like what? It's like super, super popular. Like people can't just go for a fucking drink. They have to pretend they're in prison having a drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go trash. Alright, we got lockdown. Wait, I'd like to leave. Not today! That's why it's fucking fully booked. They were literally stuck down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about a strip club where you have to strip? That's the experience. The strippers are the patrons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very heavy. Like when he does the stuff about the drugs in Huntington, it's just so grim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a fucking piece of shit he was. Fucking good riddance. I hope he never works again. I hope he ends up destitute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And broke, and I hope that, I really fucking hope that one day Jeremy Kyle gets busted for something, like, I don't even care what it fucking is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though, we should be, people should be ashamed of themselves for watching that shit. Because if it got no ratings, it wouldn't have continued. People were watching that, lapping it up, laughing at people who were poor, and not the smartest, and in terrible situations. Stop. Stop. Stop giving fucking Jeremy Kyle the audience he does not deserve. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my favourite, you know, Maury Povich? Maury Povich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, uh, in the case of Jackson Frithforth, he is not your son. Woo! You are not the father of the donces and shit. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do have cookery shows, but uhm, I don't feel like it's the same as we have here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the end of the book, not to like spoil it, I guess it's left open so that you can make sequels and expand on the Bodegaverse, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wanna do, uhm, would you ever be interested in doing a crossover with the Wackaverse? The Wackaverse? Explain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, sorry, carry on. Please, I knew this would be like this, like I wanted this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just think about it anyway. Is this book gonna be available in any other format other than just like a paperback book? Like are you gonna do a hardcover, like limited edition?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can do it for you. I can't, I'm just- No, I was gonna say-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I'd do it in one session. What if you're like, like uhm, you know, really like amped up for like an hour and you're reading it with like a lot of passion and energy and stuff and then you go off and you have like a two hour break and like a siesta and you drink a bit and stuff and you come back and your energy levels aren't the same and your tone is different? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you, how are you gonna do achieve consistency? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I'm just curious, like, I've never- I've never done- I've never known anybody who's done anything like this before. Me neither! Let's get Stephen Fry up in this. Stephen Fry! Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you know who you should get to read this? The guy that read the quotes yesterday at the public. The actor? Yeah, yeah. He would be great. Fucking good, right? Like, jeez, that would be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were people able to pre-order the book? Yeah. Okay, who's done that? Anybody?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard to tell sometimes if you are sort of like drawing inspiration from something you've seen or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. You should do a short stories book where they're not all tied together necessarily. But that's really hard to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Laughin' at you. What are they called, those guys? They're doing the music and stuff. Oh, the uh, two other guys. Statler and Waldorf. Statler and Waldorf, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast, uh, coming at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all locked inside. For a second week, although it feels like this whole thing's moving so quick that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose I could order it online, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You know what I mean? It's starting to like, I found some toilet roll, so I'm alright with toilet roll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is the, this is the phrase I heard this week actually that, that, that that's the economy that we live in. Like everyone relies on people arriving just in time. Um, and, and, and so a lot of things are only, you know, pulled together at the last minute on the supply chain. And if one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a multi-window WhatsApp. Um, anyway, lots of stuff. So one story I heard this week was that the local circus who couldn't put on their show were applying for work on the farms, um, helping getting the harvest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit of like World War Two spirit though, like the local people getting involved in their community because they, you know, they're either bored or haven't got, you know, can't do their normal job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, yeah, all the Australian barmen. You're right. So that is it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no offence, but I said the Americans, but I think the average Swede has more common sense than the average American. I would hazard. Could be wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rebellious nature, it's like part, it comes part and parcel with the whole land of the free and freedom and liberty and all these things that are not what they think they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we get the dwarves to do the digging, or the potatoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm surprised because I think people are kind of fighting over that. You know, they're so crazy and stuck inside. They want to be like, ah, please let me be the one to go out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking happened to, uhm, Leo. She said to me last week that she went to buy some, I can't remember, something, and she was buying some makeup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she got it to the checkout and they said to her that you can't buy makeup cause it's not essential. And she was like so confused. She didn't know what to say. But afterwards, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Giving a robot an order to make ice cream and then you just leave the robot there and a thousand years later it's devoured the entire world to make ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't there a politician who took some, went home to his dad or parents or whatever and sat and wished him happy birthday at, you know, five, five meters distance outside on a chair and the police sort of instantly were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Non-essential travel, you know, you should speak to us when you get back or whatever. And he had to like write an apologetic tweet saying, well, let's take the bisexual


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the psychological impact, you know, it has taught a lot of people how to use online shopping and that is very convenient. And I think more people will be doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it does, but I think always people will need to get their hair cut. I mean, people already are going to have like, you know, long hair coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon everyone's gonna be, the dick's fashion is gonna be the, the big bun, the man bun. Big man bun. Just put it out there. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, people have been cutting their own hair. I don't know if they're going to be bicking their own heads, but they might be shaving, like doing the home hair cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, old Ben off scared about economy. Yeah. It's a classic. It's a classic thing. It could, it could be, could be, it's definitely, it's definitely, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's really what catapulted America into the leaders of the, of the world. You know, it was, was that role. I mean, that's not necessarily the same here. It's more, it's more that the things go in cycles of, of, of good times and greed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very similar thing today. You know, you've got awesome GM General Motors is making ventilators and you've got, you know, um, things like that happening already and, and, and gin distilleries are making hand sanitizer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's interesting to think about what, what we're, what kind of road we're in for. I don't think really anyone knows. I think a lot of people are assuming that, um, you know, this is just a temporary thing and then we'll, we'll just carry on again. But I think it's going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's going to reveal some, some bad companies. I think the government is scared that there will be a domino effect of people going bust, causing other people to go bust that are good. And it's about keeping floating good businesses that are having tough times, keeping them alive so they can not bring everything down unnecessarily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Europe is her, her face. And so it's like, that's where all the, all the volcano, like Vesuvius. When she was young, she had a lot of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's like a wacky gay hillbilly fucking guy. He lives in Florida with 250 tigers and a park and sells them illegally and all sorts of dodgy stuff and all of his friends who are involved in big cats are also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smoking reality TV producer in like a fedora who speaks in this gravelly voice and he's just so, even he's, he's especially one of the more normal people and he's so weird. Everyone's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was why, yeaah. Yeah, maybe. I mean, he's done. He's sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so Adam and Jo used to do the Adam and Jo show. It was a podcast that ran for a long time. It was very, very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of really good podcasts out there. I've been listening to a few podcasts on the old, ehm, on the old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, okay. Would you rather, are you okay, I mean, World of Warcraft is the ultimate single player game with other people who when you meet them, you don't want them to interact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Games than WoW, honestly, thinking about it. Also, I think you've got to understand WoW is built like a Skinner box. It's built to like, psychologically get its hooks into you so that you never quit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fair enough though, I suppose. Uhm, look, a little bit of anime never hurt anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my only tip is to avoid games that are built to, you know, free to play or, or kind of re resubbing, but games that don't aren't like movies, you know, like in a sense that they're, they're designed to keep you in like through various mechanics. Yeah. They're the ones I would stay away from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found out early on in the tutorial that if you just ran circles around the guy, he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is the Lord of the Rings banner lore you mentioned, Pflax?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I've, I've been playing Metro Exodus, which is good fun. I've been playing Doom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got Doom Eternal, I played the original Doom 2016, really liked it, got that. I bought, uhm, home my, uh, VR kit to play Half-Life Alyx, but my Oculus needs a display port, and I only have a laptop here, so I can't actually do that, which is a bit annoying, so I wanted to check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but also we played Tabletop Sim. I played a game of Dead of Winter last night on Tabletop Sim. And it was, took a while to learn, but it's actually quite fun. We, we, we, we pretended that we roleplayed that the coronavirus was loose and we had to stay inside the base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I, I taught everyone Catan on, um, tabletops in the other day as well. Yeah, they'd never played it. Like so many people would never play Catan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the one. This has been a sleepy one. Not too much shout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think they had a really tight-knit team of writers that they worked with a lot and gave ideas to and experiences to and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's so frustrated, right? It's meant to be a mechanism to calm himself down after he gets annoyed or stressed out or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's always in this like state of like utter fucking, you know, misery or stress. So he has to scream it instead of like, just say it. He's just about to pop. It's a great moment. So yeah, it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, big thanks to our sponsors, uh, Seinfeld for today's podcast. Uh, we weren't even going to do the podcast, uh, until Seinfeld reached out and they were like, Hey, uh, we'll sponsor you guys to do one, one last one. We're like, yeah, okay, sure. I mean, I'm sure we'd get the band back together for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So everybody was feeling like a bit tender and uh, I ate way too much over the, over the break. Couple times I felt like I was actually going to be sick from eating. Uhm, I wasn't though, luckily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, very close, very close. Yeah. Lots of heartburn and just lots of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lot, lots of waking up in the middle of the night with like what felt like a, a basketball in my stomach, like, you know, like slowly inflating, uhm, and making my, do you ever get that? I don't know. It's like gas buildup or something on top of like the mountain of food that you've eaten. It's like, uh, it's the worst. It's like a volcano.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of people get flack for that for letting like too many weeds like grow, you know, people that like you ever have like a neighbor or somebody on your road who just never like mows their grass. There's fucking like, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you think about it, honestly, it's, it's like the perfect home defense system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody's gonna fucking home raid you, are they? Like, they're gonna see you in their front lawn, they're gonna be like, that looks treacherous, I'm not fucking navigating that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then only to then get into your house and realize, holy crap, this place is full of junk. Like we would, we would never find the diamond necklace and the rubies in this. It's like finding a needle in a haystack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So actually I think it's a big brain play to be a hoarder and leave your front lawn to get like all shitty inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you like girl streamers? I'm not, I'm not, uh, I'm not being, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Girl streamers especially I find, because like you can imagine


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like you get a shot of like their, if they have a webcam, but no green screen, you can see like the room that they're in and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking weightlifter, like a, like a heavyweight champion of the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it about that, uh, plane crash, the one that crashed in the Ukrainian Airlines one that I think was shot down? I think it was shot down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they just emerge from the mist that they were previously consumed by and lost in? From the fog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're ever wondering what your average Tory voter looks like, that story like encapsulates them perfectly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the people like, I mean, in the, in, in some of those cases, I can understand that. Like if there is just no possibility of having children, but having that, those, those mothering or fathering or parental, I should say, instincts, um, and wanting to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, it's uh, so a man starts rolling down a hill and uh, gathers other men that stick to him into a big ball of men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so, okay, so it's like that episode of Simpsons with Lisa's petri dish and there's like a little world like inside, like the, so this man can make like, uh, people into like, uh, what are, look like little insects and he can make them like go through mazes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does it have anything to do whatsoever with centipedes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so he wants, so the idea is that they, so that, so one, so the food goes in one, one side, and then makes its way down the chain, but obviously the last guy gets like the worst fucking deal. So what does he do? Just sew their mouths to like the, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be coming around. Jeez, that's hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like an internet sleuthing thing, right? Like, and the person that they caught was active on the internet as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a slaughterhouse is, is, is like an abuse, like obviously, but like this is, this is somebody who's showing signs of being like a sociopath, which is, uh, which is very alarming as well, right? I mean, he clearly was. People can see that from a mile away and think, okay, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's dangerous too, like, you know, people with dogs when they walk them in the park and stuff and they shit, like even if they pick the shit up, if there's like a smear of shit left over, that can be really dangerous. Like if a kid fucking lands in it or something, you can't go blind doing stuff, like it's fucking crazy. You gotta be really careful. Yeah, there's all sorts of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And cat, cat shit especially is very, very dangerous, very toxic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's it. I think they are just simple. They don't really progress past a certain point. You could train them and stuff like that, but like, uh, usually, usually like however they are as like personality wise doesn't change much. Like they're hap, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I had a dog and like, he's fucking always, always, always looking for food. Like that, like just instinctively, that's all they do, right? So like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he, if he had some sense that like some food was being prepared or, or something, he would just be sitting there waiting for something to fall on the ground. Even if it was like scalding hot, he'd be like crying, eating like fucking burning hot dogs that fell on the floor or something like, you know what I mean? It's just, they're crazy. They're crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna make it, we're making a story now. Nice. Okay. We've moved into it. It's in a parallel world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No kids. Are we willing to spend 96 hours doing a wait around for the dogs after they go missing? This is what I'm going to ask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got my, uh, my Fitbit. Also you don't have any kids. I've got my wireless airpods, uh, and I'm listening to, um, I don't know, uh. Gucci gang. Yeah, Gucci gang. Really loud. So I haven't noticed that any.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you, what if you entered the fog and emerged on the other side and there you were? You found yourself in Narnia all of a sudden. Oh wow. Fuck, there's a lion there and you're like BORING! BODY DIGGERS! Do you guys do any ass to mouth here or, uh, can I just leave?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think most people that have dogs are well versed in a different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we can light a campfire, cook up that bacon, dog will be back in two seconds, just like the sausage people did. That's a good idea. The smell of food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never did, I was in uhm, I never went to scouts, but I did uh, cubs, cubs, like the one before scouts, you know, you had like beavers, cubs, so I was in cubs, and cubs you had like, you had those like fucking stupid ass long sleeve


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? You know what it was like? It was like World of Warcraft is now, right? Like, you log in and you play, like, Lewis knows what I'm talking about because he complains about this all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You log in and there's some fuckin' track pant wearing sweat lord with his fuckin', all of his achievements and his fuckin' achievement armors and mounts and stuff and there, there you are with like fuckin' the vanilla like clown gear. But no achievements, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People like the, the scout masters or wherever you called them had those fucking stupid jungle book names and stuff. Yeah, and like, and I was just at the back smoking and you know, fucking like, you know, trying to pick up chicks. Look, there's no girls there. Yeah, I was like nine. Too cool for this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, did you, so did you both regularly attend church as a, as a kid? Yeah, yeah. Every Sunday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to take my kids to church, like recently, like maybe two years ago or something, and fuck they hated it, like it was just, like we can't go again, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're like, okay, cool. We've got like a bunch of like food and we'll get some more stuff and let's take it and like it might be fun for the kids. There might be stuff for them to do there and then they can see what it's like to like sit in on a like, you know, mass or whatever they had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And stuff. And uhm, ah, fuck me, they hated it. Like, it was just too boring, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I like about, the thing I like about Santa is that he's simple, right? Like, nobody speaks on behalf of Santa, because with Santa, it's just like, be good all year. There's no Santa priests. Be good all year, and he'll bring you some presents, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But with God. There's no one making money off Santa. Everybody speaks for God or feels like there's some sort of conduit to God or whatever. The worst ones are people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like multiple murderers who are like on death row and all of a sudden they've like, uh, become born again Christians and they found God and they're looking forward to like his sanctuary and stuff. And like, I don't understand how it works, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, you know, somebody who, uh, is like, um, you know, like a victim of their circumstances, sure, but then goes on to like do some really, really nasty premeditated shit, like beyond rehabilitation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like strangling a cat or sowing people ass to mouth. You can't become a born again Christian for Christ's sake, like it's not how it works. Like what the fuck, you condemned yourself when you did all that nasty shit, like there's no coming back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regarding my inheritance of the throne, please bring me the Royal Parasite Ball and a glass of Royal Barocca. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. You should pinch your thumb and forefinger together and wave your hands in front of your face when you really want to appeal to someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More than words is all you have to say to make me feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's a great movie and it has a few sequences in it that are shot as if it's a single shot because like it is, they had to use very clever, uhm, camera work. One of the things they had, there's a scene where they're in a car in the woods and they're attacked from all sides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the camera has to be able to come in and out of the car and pan around the outside of it, still looking in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's there, like if you look at the behind the scenes, they built this massive framework.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To go on the outside of the car with all the jib equipment on and everything and then it's all green screened out and digitally removed. But it's incredible, I must say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] or like trip over or fart or something and ruin this entire shot and the rehearsals the practice everything has to be just right when there are special effects involved because later in that same movie there's a big extended single shot battle scene where there's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100, 100 plus people involved and special effects going off and it's, it's insane. It's amazing. It's, but I, I wonder if, like you said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It almost takes you out of the film because you're marvelling at this technological thing or if you just almost don't notice you've swept along by it because it feels so much more urgent and like you're really there. I don't know which it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's perfect, because I want to go see it. I might see it this weekend. I'll just go by myself and go see it. Because I like going to the cinema, like, middle of the day, no-one around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So were there films that people, that you, you guys had like, just one or two copies of, that always seemed to be out and people were always asking about them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because at that point, that's when Netflix died. Because Netflix started as a mailing DVD service where you, you subscribed and they would post you DVDs to watch. And when you'd finished, you sent them back. And only once you'd sent them back, uh, would they send the next lot out. So you made a wish list of films like, here are the 20 films I want to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, to save batteries on my Walkman, I used to put a pencil through the hole of the tape and spin it. That's what you used to do. If you put a pencil through the hole and span it round.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Although I do note that tabletop simulator has the one thing I really like to do when a board game is clearly over and you can flip the table in tabletop simulator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it might just pop into the head like, I could just turn this wheel. Like the idea of the crazy trucker who's got white line fever, and you know, his eyes are bloodshot and he's hopped up on amphetamines or meth or whatever the hell he's taking, I could just turn this wheel when he sees a car come any other way. But they don't. Luckily they don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why when I use public transport, I try not to touch any of the poles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He uses things like, I know one of the things he does is, if he doesn't want to talk to someone, or he wants to piss people off, he puts on a MAGA hat. Right now, obviously, in California, that's like a, oh my god, you know, it's like, that's really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. Like if you were opened Just Chips, a competitor to Just Chips called Not Only Chips or Not Just Chips and you sell chips and one other thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's toilet, like, in the men's room, and he's hidden something down the front of his trousers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this child comes in and he talks to her and he gives her a hug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because he's such a, he's such an unlikable character. But at the same time, there are times when you were really rooting for him because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the people he comes across are so fucking unreasonable and obnoxious, like everybody is. He is, half the people he bumps into are, they're all very unpleasant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apart from like a few people, but yea, they all jump to conclusions, they're very judgemental, you know, it's like, some of the stuff he's like, this is perfectly reasonable, and other people say it not that way. Like I love the episode where there's the soldier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so here's a question, here's a question for you guys, about stand-up comedy. So I've watched quite a few episodes of comedians in cars getting coffee, the Jerry Seinfeld thing. Oh yeah, sure. Which I really like, I'm a big fan of stand-up comedy and like a lot of the comedians and he gets writers on and stuff like that and actors that are all funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in the same way. Most of them just turn up, do a few gigs and they never really make it. There is a very small group of people you would consider successful stand-up comedians that can like really do well. Like there are a lot more singers and musicians than there are comedians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And learn how to be funny. Like, if you think about it, there are far more doctors, there are probably more, there are definitely more surgeons, brain surgeons in the world, than successful comedians. Like, you can, if you're smart, you can learn how to be a brain surgeon. You can learn how to be a doctor. I'm not saying it's not incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a lot of them, they're like, I had to work for like, I mean, see, Louis CK is a good example. The dude wasn't young when he made it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he'd been doing shit for a very long time, but the weird thing to me is there are some actors that seem to have this really great, uhm, career ahead of them, and it just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They stop being in stuff. Like I watched a thing about Ed Norton the other day. Ed Norton, uh, American history acts. He was the incredible Hulk. Fight club. Fight club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it felt like Ednaughton was in a lot of stuff. Ednaughton, Ednaughton, Ednaughton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the last thing I can remember seeing him in was Birdman. He was, he was playing a part in that as an actor who's a complete shithead to work with. And that's not that far from the truth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it turns out he's kind of a prick and a lot of people like, I'm never fucking working with that guy again. Because he's extremely particular about the way he does things. He wants to rewrite scripts and he wants it to have- he changes his lines a lot and just says, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing that, it's gotta be this way and everything. And that's it, like people just won't work with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think any actor that pictures themselves as the lead, whether it be a leading man or a leading lady in a film, if you can't pull off lead anymore, and you're not a box office draw, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's a real gamble. Like if you pitch yourself as...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if he's no longer the lead man, he's no longer a box office draw, but he's still gonna wanna be quite high up on the billing, he's gonna wanna be front and center on the poster, you know, he's gonna want this, he's gonna want that. And studios would be like, well no, we don't need you, we've got this other guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the only way back, and this is true, this is especially true, uh, for women, is that if you've been, like, the, either the lead


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Women in the- in the film like as the- normally in Hollywood it'll be like the love interest or whatever. You- you then have this 20 or 30 year gap where you're no longer considered like- I mean do you remember- what's her fucking name? Ren- Renee Russo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because people are gonna go, oh fuck yeah, Meryl Streep, I wanna go see her tits. She's Meryl Streep, you know what I mean? You're admiring her because she's a great actor. And she picks the right parts. I mean Megan Fox or whatever, she can't act for shit, I just wanna see her tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you get recommended the same video I did that pointed out that there are an awful lot of instances in Hollywood movies where women sexually assault men and it's seen as like a kind of a jokey thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh I watched that and there was a scene in there, I think it was Mindy, is her name Mindy Kaling? She was in the office, she was Kelly in the office, the annoying secretary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's, she's, she's one of the writers for sure. So, there's a scene, I think James Franco is passed out, and she kisses him while, while he's passed out, and he wakes up, he's like, oh help, but she's like, shush, shut up, it didn't happen, all this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the interesting thing is, if those roles were reversed...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would be like, this is entirely inappropriate. I mean, if the, if the male hero of a movie was sexually assaulting, uh, the female lead in the movie, it would be seen as like, holy shit, what the fuck, how did this get made? But it does happen a lot. There is a scene in Horrible Bosses where Jennifer Aniston rapes one of her employees, and it's played for, for lots. Like, it's a comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it is, it is weird, like you said, how it's seen as, uh, something to joke about, and I, I just think a lot of the time, these movies are not written by younger people. They're written by older people. And you see the same jokes popping up, and the same references popping up, and it's just, I mean, I'll give you an example. I was watching The Simpsons with my kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you look at the first few series of that, it was made in the 90s, bear that in mind, like mid 90s these episodes were coming out. There were references to like, things that happened 20, 30 years ago. Yeah, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm thinking these writers are older guys. Who is getting these references? Like these aren't written really for the audience. They're like, so I think the same thing happens in Hollywood. By the time you get established, by the time you're like the lead writer on a big movie and everything or a big TV show or whatever, you're older. So your references are gonna be older and your attitudes are gonna be older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, honestly, his stuff is, like he does that a lot where he pushes the line, but he does it because he knows he's gonna get a response.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's, that's what cancel, that's what cancel culture is about. I still think the main thing, the main thing to do is, if, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you gonna stop seeing that person because there's something you disagree with them about? I don't know. I mean, I know lots of people whose politics are wildly different from mine, or their opinions about all kinds of stuff are wildly different from mine. It doesn't change the fact that they're essentially a decent enough person that I can be friends with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every single aspect of a person's personality, because no one is clean. No one is gonna come out of it and you're gonna be okay with everything they say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, the cast is like, you can tell they've fucking, they've brainstormed the shit out of how to get the perfect cast for, essentially to avoid bad reviews on Twitter and in the media. It feels disingenuous. You know it's not from the heart. They haven't changed. They're just going with the trends. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon she could rock it. She comes out of a scene, a bikini, one of those big ones, the old lady bikinis, and James Bond is cracking a boner right there on the beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do wonder if people are as sensitive, uhm, as, as the current culture would imply they are. I think people are tougher. I do think we should definitely work towards not excluding people with language and stuff like that, cause it must be pretty shitty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As eggshell, you know, sort of trading as we are in regards to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the specifics of going and telling someone you're not allowed to do this anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things are pretty decent. You know, things are going okay. Change takes time. I think a lot of the time, especially from, I mean, I consider myself


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what you want to get rid of. So I've always said for a very long time that I feel like the ideas of the left appeal to people at a base level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have the worst salespeople in the world. And we cannot sell our ideas in a way that appeals to people even though sometimes they're in their exact interests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We sell it as this, you've gotta do this and almost like how dare you and you're wrong. And it's like, well, the right doesn't really do that. The right just says, hey, even they make all these promises, they lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm obviously not saying everyone on the right is a liar and everything, but a lot of the current right-wing politics that you see, and anti-progressive agendas and stuff, uhm, they make very easy promises. Which are, we're with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's much easier to believe that you were already right, that you were right all along, that you don't need to change, that this is some crazy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rather than saying, hey, maybe we were wrong about this and we need to change. For the exact reason you said is people don't want to backpedal. They don't want to appear that they were wrong all along. It's very brave to come out and do that even though it shouldn't be brave. I change my mind about stuff all the time based on new evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the whole point is that we changed. We figured it out, you know, and society should change in the same way. But instead it's seen as, oh, I can't say anything these days. And you just think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you can. You can see an awful lot of things these days. We're just asking gradually, and I would hope gently, some of these things are not cool to say, but instead everybody, everybody pushes back, everybody's arguing and screaming at each other, everybody wants everything to change overnight to their exact specifications, and you end up with a shit joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just bear in mind that this was just a conversation between three people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if we listen on all of your conversations, I bet you say some dumb shit too. This is just an unedited splurge of thoughts and ideas and conversation. And just take it as that. Don't think of it as some kind of manifesto.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in what way is inevitably people fancying female representations of video game characters, you know, mainly because most of the people playing games like that are dudes, right? Young dudes. So they want to have all the nude mods and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Path of Guardians or something like that? Yes. So I play that all the time, uh, we love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this is, this is just 3v3, there's only a mid lane, the map is slightly different, and you just have to, you've, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crazy amounts of money that you get. Yeaah. And you level up very quickly. And so, I know that Shannon, uh, aka SunsFan, and, um, a bunch of other guys at, um, uh, Doja Cinema. Doja Cinema made this, like Neil and guys like that. And it's brilliant because you can play a game in like 15 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if it goes past that, it's like, wow, you know, this is the longest game of Pog ever sort of thing. Like it's a quick game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fun. And the main reason they made it is so that you can try out heroes you'd never normally get the chance to play in a real game because you're like, oh, you know, I don't want to risk it. Like I've never really played Leshrac much, played thousands and thousands of hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thousands of games are dope, but there are certain heroes that I'm just like not comfortable picking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I know that it would take me 10 or 20 or 30 hours to even get halfway competent at that hero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I tend to, you know, pick the same kind of things and stuff like that. Whereas in Pog, I can play whatever the fuck I want. And I can try out all kinds of different item builds and see what's effective and practice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the first 20 minutes of the game, and much of the rest of the game, it's just me hitting creeps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I've won games at that where I've had loads of farm and I've got three kills because it's only at the end that we're so big. They were like, well, alrighty, I'll just come and we'll just win. Because, you know, I've reached that carry status where at this point my hero is essentially unkillable and we can win. And as a streamer, you're thinking, is this entertaining? Like, is it fun to watch someone just go whack, whack, whack and just acquiring money?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's, it's, it's just strange that we've suddenly decided after, we've been hanging out together playing games for like five or six years, and now chess is over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so we're just playing it and it's funny because what you're saying about, like, I think in a lot of games, chess is, chess cuts through all the other stuff and essentially most, most kind of games where there's some kind of strategy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are similarities to chess for sure, in that you have to think ahead, but most importantly, I find myself not doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think this might adjust the way you play board games. Is that if you only look at what you're trying to do and what the immediate threats to you are, you miss out on a huge amount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you thought, I'll just leave my lights here because if Ben charges them, they'll just pull back. But you know that Ben knows that. Like you know that he knows that your crossbowman will just pull back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he would never charge them. So he thought of something else. So in reality, you were thinking about what you were going to do, but you weren't anticipating what he was going to do. And the whole point of chess really is having to think about your overall goals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can't do that. And then you all go fucking crazy. No, I'm just saying that a lot of the time when I'm playing games, I do this myself. I'm thinking about what I'm gonna do. And I'm not thinking about what they're trying to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just patterns to him, isn't it? It's slight variations of a pattern. I think most games of chess, I know that if you look at the possible permutations of moves, it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the, obviously, the more the game goes on, the more it branches and becomes complex. Because there's obviously only a limited number of moves you can make on turn one. And then based on that move, you've now got these branches of possible moves, you know, for your second move and all the rest of it. So I think certainly when you think about the way he plays chess early on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As the pieces start to get taken and stuff, then the patterns start to dissolve, and now that's where the real skill comes out, because he suddenly needs to recognize...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's when the real skill comes in. Because a lot of people, I know, I've played against a ton of people and they know the openings and there's that opening you can do where you win in like three moves or whatever. I fall for that one all the time. Because I just, I can't remember. What's that called? Fool's mate? Fool's mate, I think. And you just go bit, bit, bit, win. And you're like, oh yeaah. It's like super bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if, if like when I play CSGO for example, what I'm enjoying about it is that even if they're better than me, I'm still gonna get a few kills. Just because occasionally a bullet's gonna hit him in the head or whatever or a good grenade or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know what, it's interesting, like I play tons of strategy games. I play sports simulation games, I play strategy games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's basically the only thing I get out of Blood Bowl. Is picking up the ball in some ridiculous situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And occasionally the thrower can pull off an amazing throw and people don't expect the orcs to throw the ball. Like if you play a big bashy team, the key to BloodBullet, there are basically two strats. You've got the squishy lads like elves and, and Amazons and stuff. And they're like, they're, the elves in particular, their whole game is based around passing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breaking into boxes and, uh, and taking the ball away and then just jumping away with it. And it feels frustrating because it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They seem to never fail, whereas orcs and dwarves and stuff like that, you tend to build them as these punchy teams that kind of slowly grind up the pitch and maybe score a goal in the game. But what I like to do is just build a lad whose


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lightning Quick has dodge, agi, as an orc, and then they throw the ball to him and he just runs and scores. And people are like, oh that's uuuh, you know, they don't expect it, they think you're just gonna come and punch him, but we're special orcs. So that, that's the fun of it to me, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you had corsairs and you had, uh, you know, they were like the human ships. You had elf ships, you had dwarf ships and stuff. The dwarves!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dreadnoughts. Like, or ironclads. Oh, Man of War is cool. Man of War. And they had ironclads. And you couldn't penetrate their armour at range.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were bristling with guns. So the only thing against them, as usual with dwarves, because it's Games Workshop and they love dwarves, is that they're a little slow. But that doesn't really matter because the board isn't that big. The objective is to fight, not to get to somewhere quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you basically circle around them, failing to penetrate their armor. Meanwhile, they're blasted away at your little ship. And if you dare to go close, you die. And they did it because the miniatures just came out, and it was like, we just announced this dwarf expansion and they're amazing! So, why would you ever play the game unless you were playing dwarves?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how much people like miniature painting. Yeaah, yeaah. Cause there's all those YouTube videos, I've talked about them before, where people just paint, uh, a thousand goblins identically, and people will watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The law used to be quite simple, like it just used to be, it used to be, you'd get the rule book, like I've got the old 40k rule book, and there's lore pages in there, which is just like some ancient text reproduced that talks about the emperor and where he came from and all the rest of it, and then one about the forces of chaos, and then if you buy the eldar


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And companies will produce a line of miniatures to go with their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Game system that they've come up with, and you know, some of them have varying success and all the rest of it, and they, I think a lot of people, when they get older, I certainly did, I was super into Warhammer stuff when I was younger, and then when I started to get more interested in history and actual,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, warfare and actual miniatures and stuff that were representative of, say, the British paras in World War II and stuff like that. Sure. You know, I was like, I was playing more those kind of games. And ancient battles and Napoleonic stuff. I love Napoleonic stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, there is actually, uh, another family that we know in the area, and we played Settlers of Catan with them, and we played Ticket to Ride with them, because we played with the old tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we were playing Settlers of Catan, and the other mum, uh, she, she got, she got completely boxed in, like very early on. The road's just, whoop, that's it, she was stuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great, I can't actually do anything. So she was like, I guess it's my go, and I was like, oh dear. She's not enjoying herself anymore. Cause Katana's kinda like that. And I played it a bit, and the other dad had played it a bit, and the eldest daughter had played it a bit, and my eldest didn't wanna play cause she's, I dunno, she's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real. But like, we play, uhm, uh, the kids play this as well actually, uh, Carcassonne, which is another classic, uh, German game.