[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was buying like fucking ice cream after school with some money and he came up with a little pocket knife and put it in my belly dude and was like, get me a fundip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ahh, I'll bleed out for a fun dip! This was like, like, I'm getting good grades. Yea, getting great grades, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Let's post a picture of Kyle at that time with his little glasses. He had his glasses, yep. Big glasses, cool fucking like Sean from Boy Meets World haircut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was really saying, Kyle, will you be my friend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they are. They're looking for the love. It's all about the love. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Adam's like the layers behind layers. Well, no, this dude, this dude wasn't looking to stab me. Adam, you're wrong. Just even from my, my story because he didn't want to stab me. The dude wanted fun dip because I gave him, I got a couple of fun dips for him and he took the knife away. So he just needed that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that bullying or is that just like? Robbery. Yeah. He's lying that. Yeah. He just, he's a stick up kid. Yeah. I was held up. I was held up. Yeah. That's not a burglar or a burglar. That's not bullying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bullying is like a constant demeaning, like, picking on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there are levels. Oh, so what's the... It goes from middle school into early adulthood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I get all that shit. I guess, so when it becomes violent or criminal, it's no longer bullying because it's not sitting in the- No, not violence. It can still be bull- that's still bullying if it's consistently happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, it's not the one-off. It's the one-off that makes it not bullying. It's the- Yeah, the one-off is that you just got robbed, bitch. I'm just looking for that, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I like how Adam used that as an example about bullying before, like two minutes ago. He's like, it's when you hit somebody with a book all the time. I know, Adam is just making sure that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember a kid who like didn't have any friends, I don't know if he was new or something or whatever, but like, I don't know if he was bullying me, but he was always kind of talking shit and like being annoying to me, like kind of constantly, uh, and I could, even since then, that I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude's not a dick. He just really wants your attention. But I still think one day I like, fucking hit him in the face or something. Cause you were pushed to your edge. Cause it just got to a point where I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to be your friend. I kind of don't like your vibe. This is not the way to approach it. If I'm friends with you, what is this friendship?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, was it like when you guys were doing brosephs? Like way back in the day, and we were like brosephs? Like behind stage or in the scene? DONKEY!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's just who I am. He wants to know. Yeah. And then it's done, but you want to know exactly where your line is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, did I stand up to my bully and then we're friends now? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Aww, that's a happy ending. I love that story. Comedy cocktail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, I'm s- I- Yeah, Hollywood and Hyland, man. We were trying really hard. My god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was ready to like, take back the punch, but now it seems kinda warranted. Like it seems like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I wanna say sorry, I wanna say sorry I crossed the line and got physical after warning you what sounds like several times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not like Kyle who like attacked you because did not, he really didn't like you in a moment, uh, personally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam Wuhan Divine! Wow. I'll show you a wet market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get that, I get where he's at. Adam, you just reminded me, we touched on this either in person or on the pod and never circled back to the Corvette conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Adam knows. Oh, that's Fergie. Is that Fergie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, and did you last very long? Did you last very long or no? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And did you take crypto or did you take US currency, like what currency did you sell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, exactly, but NFTs are digital and anybody can look at it except you hold it. You have the, you have the true one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Okay, alright. Who?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tim Robinson. So they were also in the same car because you guys been kickin' it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, you have to go watch this episode like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a birthday party on the, and he's like, who are you? He's like, I'm just a documentary filmmaker. He goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright man, welcome. Uh, wives are in there with the kids. I'm hanging around here. Do you wanna see my house?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all related to the business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, let's go, hang on, I'll show you the, I'll give you the tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what, are you cycling? What's, what, what is the fitness routine? Is this CrossFit? Is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Slyther? Yeah, that's an old movie, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that music festival? Like fucking... Stagecoach. Stagecoach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm at the Ivy! Fuckin' this hooker! My insta-live! Be sure and tune in! Imma get ahead of it, y'all. Imma be real honest, I just- Dude, people- yeah. CSI Phoenix coming out! Check out for F- F9!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Motherfucker, when was the last time you had an RC Cola?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we are writing a Workaholics movie. Spoiler alert. Yep. Yes sir. And some- I love Durs's writing and sometimes I quote his writing and he's mad at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I was the one who said the joke and then you got upset. And also I'm not really upset right now, dude. It's weird that you're getting so butthurt by it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we, I don't even remember what we said exactly. We just like said a fake number and said it was our number and then as if we share one number? Is that what happened? Well, don't we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I gotta go back and listen to that episode because I do not remember the number, uh, that we said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you have that number, you're, I mean, either you're the coolest guy alive or this has already happened to you to the point that you got a new number.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't think 187's a real area code, is it? Uh, we just fucked someone's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Penal code 187 in the law code of the state of California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what was so cool about that last, uhm, or when we were talking, that episode where we were talking about Norway, and like, no, it was the Netherlands, and none of us knew shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, we, we kept it simple over here in America. We're Americans, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that being said, Dutch is kind of a cool...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Name? Like for your people? Dutch? That's kinda tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes it is. Ooooooooh. Shorn my boy at O'Neil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't they show like, uh, they had like nude playing cards? And that stopped my heart as a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, kids are still really horny, but now... Kids are still horny, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now they have porno in their pocket, Kyle. That's true. They don't need, they don't need a deck of cards. The movie wouldn't make any sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think so, aren't they saying that like the youngest generation, this new, what is it, what are they calling the generation after millennials? Gen Z?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so we were the last, millennials were the last cool, and they don't have sex. They had sex less than the millennials and then less than Gen Z.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were the last cool generation boys. We were cool, yea. Sorry about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're on brand for, for your, uh, clothing company. Bored teenager.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was a limited drop, dawg. You're not gonna just dump that in Hot Topic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's a Blink-182 shirt that, what does it say on the back? I missed the old Blink-182? I think so. I think it says, I like. Oh, I like the old Blink-182. And then it's photos of us. And that's an official merch drop from the band, Blink-182.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty freakin' sick. They reached out to us, which was a true highlight of my life as a millennial. As a millennial, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to her about that. No. I mean we dated for a few years. Uh, okay. Yeah. So no, she was like my girlfriend and we dated like into college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think I, I think I never said that ever again. And the next time I told that story, I believe was on, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy Central had that show, uhm, the... Secret Girlfriend? The Goddamn Comedy Jam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She called me the next day and I didn't even, or like after it aired and was like, yo, what the fuck dude? Like, what are you doing? You're putting my name, and I'm like, wait, you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have talked to her? Yes. Yeah, that is my bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even think about it twice I just said it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you were going so slow dude. Yeah, you were really hemming and hawing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, the teacher just told, would be like, okay, Adam reads now. Okay, now... But then what happens when you get to the end?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes dude, so brutal. Oh yea, but you have to do that. That wouldn't work for us because we, uh, What is this? We don't do this shit live, you know? I feel like that only works with like streamers, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and then, and then like you're on your, you, you literally watch the guy as like the SWAT team breaks in and like points guns in their face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There has to be. This is, that's a SWAT team. I think if, if you, you just have to be a really good actor, you have to be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now is that the afterwards or is that the, that almost feels like the aftermath. Oh, the shady aftermath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a millennial, I say after math. Thank you. Thank you, Eminem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really fucked up. Like, imagine, you swat someone and then something happens and they murder someone. You know what I mean? They go in and they kill somebody. Right, I mean, here we go, we got something coming in, but for sure. Oh, here's some aftermath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I did, yeah. But I thought you could popcorn at any moment, I didn't know those rules. You're supposed to popcorn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The snacks, dude. Yeah, they're diesel. And all the snacks that they, that they're swatting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The swatting guys, the swatting dudes, yeaah. Guys have to snack on for protein.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what do you know the inside scoop? Like how much that, for instance, cost?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're at their like kids soccer match and they're in target, uh, buying deodorant and they just have to drop everything that they're doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we need to write a movie where we get the call. I want to be in a movie where I get the call and have to drop what I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then by the time they get everyone, the village is just destroyed because they like went around searching for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a really, like a really fat guy comes into a sandwich shop and we're like, we have to go find, we need more help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He bakes the bread. Oh, and you definitely have to say that a lot, Blake. No more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought, I thought, uh, they like, didn't have enough sandwich guys, so they had to go get more sandwich guys to come in and work the shift because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those don't even exist anymore. I know as millennials we have an affection for malls, but these gens- What doesn't exist? Malls? For brick and mortar?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I thought you were saying... Oh no, because it's, uh... We shoot the Righteous Gemstones at the mall. We took over, like, the Sears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you walk through the mall and it's like, there's so many stores that are closed. It's like, it's desolate, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Melrose is really popular and then Beverly Center and then people are at the Grove and then people are on Robertson or whatever. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rodeo Drive. Well there's, yeah, there's like an outside kind of mall now, which in Nebraska. Right. Those are hot. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That really doesn't make any sense because it's cold as fuck. Right, it's so cold. For like nine months out of the year. It's so cold there, check the runzo prices. So cold. You get a cheap cup of chili if you, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Why? Why was it? It works, it works in warm climates like in California. I was amazed when I went to, and I'm like, oh, when I saw schools were outdoors, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That blew my mind when you watched like Clueless or whatever being a midwestern kid and then you see like these kids are going to school but they're outside and it's like summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel, I feel me and you, we were grove boys. I still love- Yeah, we were. Fuck with the grove, dude. I love it there. I gotta get over there, dude. I gotta go hit that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, really? It's like Mario Lopez's like deep ass dimple, uh, broadcasting live from the Grove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well the Grove is like, uh, Los Angeles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the most well known outdoor malls and it's, uh, it's designed


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We weren't in Los Angeles, so I didn't really know the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people were real riled up on the internet, you'd see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I personally really like the Grove, but some people hate the Grove. Some people are like, ugh, the Grove. I fucking hate it there. And I'm like, oh, well, I think it's incredible. Like, I truly love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I thought that was a weird... Clean? I was like, you just explain his politics and if his politics suck, then fuck him. But, uh, I thought it was a weird leg to stand on because I personally would love if LA was The Grove. The Grove is the fucking best, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not if, not if Rick Caruso got his hands on it. It would be. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. That's like- That's so many street teams going out at night and uh, and putting up his posters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it was, it also was because he, people have, people hate super, super rich people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Eat the rich. For good or bad. You know, I think he just is a super, super fucking rich person. And I think people fucking just hate people with too much money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have zero, yeaah, I don't know about her. I don't know, fuck the Kardashians, but, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, Chester is a cool fuck- way cooler than Chet. Like, infinitely cooler than Chet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you know what's tough? Looking. His, like, 28-inch arms. What's not tough about a British boy? Like, that's the playoff. Is he jacked? Oh, he's so jacked, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, Chet came right out of Tom's, or uh, sorry, Colin came right out of Tom's dick. He is 100% Tom Hanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he is obvious, obviously, and he like is built, they look the same. Look at current Chester Hanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't even remember how it was. Yeah, but you, your palate is like, you eat nothing but like chicken nuggets and uh, shaped like dinosaurs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh. Dude, I'm telling, I'm telling, we blew it. Be careful what you wish for. We did blow it. We blew it. Right, right at the, that was episode like five maybe. I went all in on Keynes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was saying we should have got, uh, a franchise. And then when they finally came to LA, they took it over, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, get yourself a machine. I got a machine. You got a small pellet machine? Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Rick Caruso, shit bro, ballin'. The fr- the freezer that- that's all it makes is the little tiny... Wow. ...pebble ice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This tiny little, like that, that big, the size of a, I guess smaller than a dime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is hella good. Oh yea, dude. Any, any drink I find. Any beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eddie, you could just lie, cause we straight up don't know, but... Well, it was probably... Have you been within a year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, RC, I think I had one this year. I honestly, I don't know if I've ever had an RC Cola. Are they delicious? With that ice, with Combo, with the crunchy ice. Okay, so you're saying I gotta get some for the house. Yeah, I mean. Gotta get some RC Colas. Get an RC Cola, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's, uh, it's like a little, it looks like a little, like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, uh, it looks like a cabinet that you open up. It's like a door. And then you scoop it and put it in your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always making it, dude. It's always making and melting and waiting for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I wonder, dude, after we talked, we did luggage talk last week, and I was talking to Ramoa, my Instagram, I got on it after we were done potting, with so many luggage sponsored ads. Like, immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fucking insane. And normally I'm like, because my sister explains she works for Facebook and she's like, they say that they don't listen. It's because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For instance, I, uh, a buddy of mine works for some clothing company that I've never heard of. A men's clothing company. And I was at a bar and I was talking with him and then about like, oh, where do you work? Oh, cool. You know, that's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cut to the later that night I'm on my phone and I'm getting sponsored ads for his company. And it's because our phones were in close proximity together for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta stop hanging out. That's why I'm getting this death. That's why I'm getting all this. Yeah, that's, that's, that's what you're explaining to, to your girl. That's, I don't know. I must've been, I was, it must've been near someone that was looking at weird porno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know if it's porno specific, I know, I was talking Facebook and they own Instagram, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they do not listen. It's the algorithm. Right. It knows your needs before you know your needs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, man. Yeah, for sure. Cause it certainly seems like they're listening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, is this you coming out? That's totally cool. That's totally cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, did you guys ever have, did your parents ever ask you if you were gay when you were a kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The seventh grade or something. And I didn't have a girlfriend because I'm a crippled seventh grader.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're gay, you can, it's totally fine. We would love you no matter what. And it would be perfectly fine if you came out. And I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A weird thing to, at that age, like wait to ask if your kids are like in the high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in certain order, they like wanna save the biggest gift for the end, so you don't open up, you get the Sega Genesis or whatever, and you're like, you don't give a shit about any of the other presents. It builds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, are there any take backs, apologies, epic slams, um, sick giveaways? Yeah. Dead ringers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smash, smash that follow button, I think the kids say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I eat all the time on the pod. Step away. Mute, mute the mic. Mute the, mute the mic. I'll lean, I'll lean back for the mic. You just have to be okay with- Eat the mic! You have to be okay with being hated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's not, I don't mind that because I don't mind hearing somebody chew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did have a thing the other night where, uhm, I was out to dinner. Speaking of manners and why we have certain manners. Nice. Oh, speaking of, speaking of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out to dinner the other night at an Italian restaurant. Buca di Beppo. Maggiano's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And then I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how people eat noodles at other places. Here, in the Western world, we're told that you gotta like, swirl it, bring it up to yourself, be very careful, and you're like, why do I not just spoon feed it, like, get way down? You don't got different utensils though, man. You got base level different utensils, cause you're going chopsticks first four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's hard for anybody. I'm sure it's very easy for them. No, I mean like, but that's why you're down there close to the bowl, because you just keep slurping it up. Okay. You know, and otherwise- I'm sure they're good enough to lift it up to their mouths.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we good? Like a dessert fork and then a soup spoon. Yeah, you guys know what's going on with those or? No, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know the little forks for sound, the big forks for dinner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what we're talking about, is that someone would say those are poor manners, and you don't know your manners, and that they're stupid. True. That's correct. Yeah. Exactly. That shit is dumb. Right. So I'm gonna chew food on this podcast. Correct. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes me hungry. Honestly, it makes me hungry. And like, I like to eat. That's what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to walk down this path. I didn't want to walk down this path though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying bare hands. No, I'm not, I'm not saying bare hands. I'm not saying bare hands. I'm not saying that just to be clear. Goodbye. I've just like interacted. So it's not a, there's no point in this anymore. We can. Adam grabbed a bare handed one to get the string out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now let's walk all of this back now. Let's walk all of this back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The girl who plays, the girl from White Lotus Season 2 who plays the assistant to Jennifer Coolidge. Oh yea. Haley Richardson. The craziest Penny Divine. Ooo. Yea, she had the craziest Penny Divine vibes for me. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why's that? Just cuz- Huh. Yeah. She just seemed like a young version of your mom. Huh. Wow, that's eh- Interesting. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she was rocking, like, androgynous streetwear. Yeah, I think she was good. I think she was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go. The actor said she purposely dressed herself poorly in order to show her character's sort of confused place in life. Yea, but the brands were all like, but the brands were all top. Yea, she was all street-weared out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stuff she was wearing, like, you can't readily get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which is a good choice. She had on that like no problemo. Who is that? Aries? I don't know who makes that, but like all these were very specific street wear brands. And I was like, Oh, she's really going for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This seems like her character. She was like trying to help her boss, but super drunk and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, can you pose that question in any other way?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the scariest snaps, by the way, is a nice person being pushed to the edge. That's, that's when...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fair enough. So you're trying to get like early twenties pictures of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom had a perm for a minute. I would love to try that. Can I try that? It's easy to try, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. That only lasts for a little bit, right? Like, cause if you keep losing your hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's Samuel L Jackson, bro! It's Malkovich. Malkovich is the best. Is Samuel L Jackson...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but he puts on... Oh no, it's fuckin', is it Michael Keaton? It's, it's Michael Keaton. It's Michael Keaton. It's Michael Keaton. He puts on wigs.


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[Assistant] I believe he, he is on tour right now with his, is it their, their sketch group from UCB New York way back in the day. It's like him, Cordray, they're called like Naked Babies. Thank you from our producer. Naked Babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're on tour right now. Corddry also balled. Corddry. Corddry. And then who's the tall guy who always does, he plays ADs, he played an AD on our show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He played an AD in what? Seth Morris, Seth Morris, yes, Seth Morris. Seth Morris. Ah, yes. He played the porno AD in whatever that episode was where...


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[Assistant] Blake, aren't you doing, aren't you doing some top secret work with them and maybe he could be included in that? Oh yeah, that's a good idea.


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[Assistant] Like, like make strong blood, like just give like extra strong like secret or the ooze kind of blood.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I bet you get a tummy ache. I bet you get a tummy ache.


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[Assistant] Dude, this is why I fucking love my guy. Damn, dude. That's tummy ache central, dude. Do you think so?


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[Assistant] Wait, I'm sorry, you're not supposed to swallow blood. You can't make me feel like an idiot on that one. What do you mean? Why? People can ask my name.


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[Assistant] Yeah. What do you mean you eat blood every day? What are you talking about? Burgers. Raw burger.


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[Assistant] But there's not blood, that's not blood in the meat, that's fat. No, this is like, yea, this is you saying I'm taking, I'm taking blood out and I'm gonna drink this other human's blood.


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[Assistant] Blood orange. We got some blood orange cans. Yeah, blood orange.


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[Assistant] Like, that's like Arby's meat, right? Isn't Arby's meat liquid and then they cook it? I think it's Whopper Whopper Chicken Nugget. I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was on like, the Kinski show, whatever the fuck that was. Anyway. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kaminsky method? He, he, his, his family, uhm, owned a bunch of Arby's. Andrew Rannell's. No, different guy. Rannell's rap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this is a nice, nice guy. I can't remember his fucking name. He was in the Andrew Payne movie, uhm. Andrew Payne? Election. Alexander Payne. Alexander Payne. Alexander Payne in the movie Election.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No! Pine. No, uh, not pine. No, Nick. I think it's Nick something. Klein. Klein? Klein. Chris Klein?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, Calvin Klein. Calvin Klein! Okay, anyway, his family owned a bunch of Arby's, and he says that the meat arrives at your plate at the restaurant in a bag. It's Chris Klein. It's Chris Klein.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, what is this mean? I've, I've never really, I'm gonna be in the odd man out here, I'm gonna be in the outside, but I never have liked, even when I ate meat I never really liked Arby's.


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[Assistant] I think Arby's is already down there. They got the best icon, they got the hat, they got the best icon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got the best hat, the best sign, they got the hat, it's sick.


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[Assistant] It's, it's up there with the other commercial fuckin' ones you have where it's like, uh, uh, Diarrhea. Mini cheese sirloin burgers. Who cares?


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[Assistant] That's what Todd says. I don't think, no, I don't think it was Geico. I don't think that was Geico. Todd's wrong.


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[Assistant] Because this was about, like, calling Collect and having to, like, sneak your name in there so you didn't have to pay. I used to do that all the time when I'd be at the movie theater. Yeah, it was like, I feel like- I'd call my home and be like,


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[Assistant] They'd be like, say your name with a tone, and you'd go, DAD I'M READY TO GET PICKED UP, PLEASE. Right, exactly, you'd squeeze it in there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Joe and Anther are like, okay, cool dude. Awesome catching up. Cool. Yeah, did you, did you need validation or what?


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[Assistant] Are they fucking banana? No. Very different? I think they actually are banana peppers, dude.


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[Assistant] No they're not. Look, I'll be right in the middle here. They might be different, but they're not very different like you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But just like a cucumber is, uh, a cucumber is a pickle. I think, uh, uh, a banana pepper might be a pepperchini. Just this is interesting.


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[Assistant] You gotta take the crumb shot. Uh, the crumb shot. Thank you. I like that. Yes, points. Thank you. Thank you. Toasty! Toasty!


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[Assistant] Is this real or is this fake? This happened in like the 80s at the Olympics. And this was before our time or? Pushes aside one of the officials and like gets his son's arm.


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[Assistant] And like walks him across. What is this then?


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[Assistant] Leave him alone. Leave him alone. I'm trying to listen to Anders. It's the best commercial.


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[Assistant] Is the longest running hit ratio jack-in-the-box? Like, like the batting average, like the commercial campaign that just fucking rocks?


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[Assistant] Jack is the guy. He's the guy who worked for Jack in the Box, right? I haven't seen Jack in a minute though. I thought I just saw some Jack shit.


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[Assistant] He started writing his own commercials and was like, I like my show. Woah, this is interesting!


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[Assistant] The pickle. I was like, I'm going to be a Californian. I'm going to fit in.


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[Assistant] Oh dude, the raisin thing, yea, cause the raisin was just to try and sell the raisins.


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[Assistant] Where did? California. California had a great rate. It went to wine country. They went to wine country.


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[Assistant] I eat raisins at least twice a week I eat raisins. But I used to eat a lot of raisins. What's wrong with fucking raisins? Raisins rock. Yea, raisins rock.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it fucking goes. Ants on a log, man. That's true, but that's a snack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, be hyped on raisins. Raisins are off the charts. They're good. And to answer your question where the California raisins went, they went to wine country. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're the Napa Valley raisins right now. I think that's what happened to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, quintessential. Sun-made. What did I call it, melt-made? Like, when is Sup- Supreme is gonna do some raisins real soon. And, and was, uh, was-


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[Assistant] I think it was a, I think it was an agricultural thing. It was a ag, it was a ag thing. It was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Pepsi, Ray Charles, you got the right one babyyyyyy, uh huh. Yeah, uh huh. That was, I was like, is this like a real song? And it was just like about Pepsi, but it was as good as any song.


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[Assistant] We used to drink milk like crazy and people stopped doing it. Me too. Like nobody drinks milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember when I was, uh, an assistant at Bones and like the writers room had a birthday and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we're talking. And, uh, they were like, hey, go pick up the, uh, cupcakes. So I went, got the cupcakes, brought them back to the writers. And then I went and I got milk and a bunch of like paper cups. And they were like, what is that? And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's milk for like- For the cupcakes, yeah. When you have the cupcakes, they drink the milk. And they were like, uhm, get the fuck out of here. They made me feel like a fucking idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, we don't have milk here. We don't have milk. Yeah, fuck milk. Milk's over. We don't have milk in the fridge. We don't have it. It's all soy, milk, or... This is why they needed an ad campaign.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it's, it's no, no milk. Yeaah, gotta, gotta bring it back. Soy, isn't soy just as bad for you though? I don't know, I like to drink, I personally drink like just unsweetened almond milk because it's just, I feel like that's what I can fucking trust. Go off. That's a waste of water!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's why you gotta get, that's why you gotta get the unsweetened kind, because they'll say... If you get the unsweetened, it tastes dookie!


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[Assistant] I'm a chocolate milk guy, I like that. I stay having a bottle of chocolate milk at the crib.


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[Assistant] Dude, no, no, no, you who, wait, oh I'm thinking a Nestle quick, I'm thinking a quick, sorry, I'm thinking a quick.


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[Assistant] I think it's a similar tummy ache, I think so. Yeaah, I think that's good.


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[Assistant] I had a Yoohoo within the last five years to just be like, what was this? And it was not good at all. It's so bad. It tastes like hay. It's disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I used to fuckin' slam? Did you guys ever- That's not accurate, but- No, it does not taste like hay. Try it, it tastes like hay. Did you guys ever fuckin' slam strawberry quick?


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[Assistant] I was also a tang guy. I was a tang guy too. I like the powders.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of healthy options, way more healthy options than when we were kids, I think.


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[Assistant] No, I think they're gonna be able to go off later in life on sugar and shit because they're not going off when they were kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, well no no, this is like a newish, like last 10 years type thing, and it's like a skinny bottle, kind of horrible for kids. Yeah, let them chug it. But it was marketed as like, this is for hydration, and you're like, no it's not, this is sugar water.


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[Assistant] See, I didn't really get that shit. I had a box of raisins.


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[Assistant] No, do you remember? I had a box of raisins in my lunch almost every fucking day. Like, that was, that was my sugar. Yeah, that was it. I remember getting raisins, and you could blow into it, make it whistle. Oh, hell yeah, you could. Wow. Anders. Points. Nostalgic.


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[Assistant] And they're good. It's not like when we were a kid, what was the thing when we were kids like? It's, but it's not good for you.


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[Assistant] Like pizza was the vegetable when we were kids, do you guys remember that?


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[Assistant] Right, is this Otis Spunkmeyer cookie or what?


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[Assistant] What do you mean? Like it just doesn't taste good? You mean like the food? No, no, no, no. Like it's just not good for you at all.


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[Assistant] My point is that this is like a free lunch, so like, if you're in a situation where like, this is the only lunch you're gonna have, shouldn't it be like, something that's decent for you? As opposed to like, you have an option to buy lunch or bring a lunch, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying if it's free, shouldn't it be at least healthy for you? Because generally this is for the kids who don't have an option, right? But if you have an option, bring your own shitty food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I think that these are better though. I'm like, I think that they're more nutritious than when we were growing up. I think. But, okay, let's stop comparing it to when we grew up as just like, healthy, pure chicken patties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember hot lunch had like, you had like two vegetables and like there was in the thing and you had to peel the like, uh, cellophane off, right? And the corn was all wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're giving away free cheese zombies. Dude, cheese zombies, there's a couple of them out here. In the bay. Really? Some cheese zombie shops, yeaah. I thought there was only one. I think there's two now. I think there's two.


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[Assistant] Like, no, it was the fucking sickest. I'd be down to do that with you guys in an HP. What are the boundaries? What are the boundaries?


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[Assistant] I sort of have to drink and then take Zquill right before I go to bed in order just to sleep at night. So, uh, keep him coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the best. I'm so glad that we did that interview. That was such a weird day. Uh, because it's Larry King. He was like-


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[Assistant] He was 80 at the time, and we were interviewed by him, I don't really know why we were, but, and then he asked us- He interviewed everybody.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I feel like he didn't know who the fuck we were even a little bit. And it was kind of...


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[Assistant] I didn't know who a lot of people were. It was, it was hilarious that we were on there. Cause his interns were kinda choosing. Was that his thing? Is he just didn't know anything about people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it definitely felt like a, like his young producers were the ones steering the ship at that point where he's like, I don't give a shit, let me just do a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's right. Where's Paulie Dee? Cause he was the one that, the Jersey Shore guys that like, was actually doing something outside of the, the show. Like he's, like was a DJ and was making like a lot of money for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, also like, you realize that like, how many Hard Rocks there are?


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[Assistant] So. Yea, or were. At some point, you're like, they're running out of shit, right? Like, cool shit, they're like- Yea, you're right, you're right, that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like why the laptop showed up in that one. They're like, who can we get? And Pauly D is like, I'll give you my old laptop. And they're like, great, perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then it's cov- the walls are covered. I'm saying that, that they are digging in the crates for cool shit to put on their walls. And I bet Pauly D has a publicist or someone that was just like, we'll give you his laptop. And they're like, yeah, okay, we'll put it next to the men's restroom. Like, we need something there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're back with a new season of their show, and it's coming out soon, which, hilarious. Cause they're older than us, so now they're all mid-forties, late forties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, we'll see if she still has it when the show comes back out. Coming soon. Jersey Shore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's one more. There's like that big, thick, yeaah, the cock diesel.


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[Assistant] Oh, were they? I thought they were shirtless and oiled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if they were wearing collars, they were poppin' em. They were popped. Okay, then yeah, you would've fit, you would've fit in then, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, someone could Google this quickly and find out for us. What is the name of that other girl? I can picture her. Sandy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She definitely has dark hair. My guess is pretty Italian. Yeah. Pretty Italian, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so that means, that means our producers weren't listening and we asked. Oh, who's the third? What is, who is the name of the other, not JWoww, not Snooki, but the other girl from Jersey Shore. The show that we're talking about. Jersey Shore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so it was kicked off and allowed back. Oh damn, that's always the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, now everybody is chiming in. There's, there's like six different people.


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[Assistant] Uh, for the past year. And now he's going back on the reality show. That might be a real, a real test for him. Yeah, that could be a trigger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole time he's just like, that's a bad decision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Well, I think it's probably, well, produced. I think it's probably coming back if the writer's strike happens. Uh oh. Hollywood Minute, Hollywood Minute. Hollywood Minute, ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood Minute. Which they say it might in a few, in a few months. Hollywood Minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reality TV will be ushered back in because they technically don't have writers, uh, and


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[Assistant] So I feel like it has gone away. Like now it's just like The Bachelor and like the big, the big hitters. And now it's like more like game shows, The Masked Singer or like variety shows, stuff like that. But there was a time when like there was a million


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't the other one? Well yea, I mean, you do a reality show with any family. I mean, same thing happened with Hogan. It, and with young people involved, they can't. There it is. Yea, they can't handle it. That being said, Blake, it's not like everyone got a conscious and is like, conscience. Who cares?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And suddenly you're like, well now we can't do that because these families are gonna go off a cliff. Yeah, that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. And now, and now kids are doing like...


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[Assistant] The hype house and like David Dobrik and all those kids are like just doing their own thing on YouTube and essentially they're doing reality shows of them and their friends.


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[Assistant] Being so connected, it was so, I just got back from Indonesia. Yes!


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[Assistant] There was 15 of us. Segway. Yes. And, and we, I, it was the first time in my life


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[Assistant] That I absolutely couldn't get cell reception. For like a week straight. There was nothing you could do.


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[Assistant] Indonesia is like, maybe the prettiest place, I mean, for sure the prettiest place I've ever been. But kind of the sad part is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like, uh. Okay. Okay. No, there's like a lot of trash. Like there's a lot of like, plastic. And I've never been like the type of guy. Who gives a fuck. Like, that would like see a plastic bottle and be like, fuck.


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[Assistant] Out of my life. I'm like I need to be like one of those guys that carries around like a metal canister of his water because- Right.


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[Assistant] And a glass straw. It was crazy. Some of these, like, bottles that you would find, you're like, my god, this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like another boat that was, we were kind of on the same journey together. That's cute. And so we would see this other boat every, every day or two. But like really there was no other people. We didn't run into any locals. And you'd be like, hey, can we go kick it? Uh, so we were on like a yacht and we were like, can we go kick it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we'd go over there and it's beautiful. And then you kind of go around the corner and you see like where all the water bushes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there'd just be like certain spots where the, it would just collect all the, just for how the current moves. And there'd just, it'd just be like a little trash island over there and you're like, fuck man, this sucks. And right around the corner, it's pristine and it's beautiful. But then just like right around the river bend. The river bend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously. Uh, no, we did, we, we, like, Chloe and I were like, do you have a fucking bag where we can pick some shit up? But there was like, no, there was a- He's like, yeah, there's a bag over here. Throw the bag, throw a bag in there, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, there was no make it a dent in it. It was like, and you would pick something up and be like, yeah, don't even try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But besides that, like it was, it was like the prettiest place. I went scuba diving every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, since we did Shark Week together, like, it was cool to have, like, absolutely no fear of the sharks, and all the other people were diving, were like, well, there's sharks, and I'm like, it's fine. Acting like some bitches. You're like, this thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, they weren't too gnarly, it was like just like black tip, uh, like reef sharks, and yeah, so it wasn't too- Did you say the sharks had bleach to them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been the worst way to go. Fuckin' that sucks. We would have to do a PSA. That would have been the worst way to go. But it, it did make me go like, man I hope like I can still...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope I continue to work for another 10 years, cause I'd like to be able to afford to go on trips like this, like myself, with my friends. You know, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm like, no, turns out I don't. I don't want it to be hectic. I just want to wake up and be in a beautiful place and then just sort of lounge around, have people bring me food and then go swimming and go diving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what's funny is like, in Indonesian culture, uh, they're mus- uhm, a muslim, and they, like, didn't- Mostly, some art. Mostly, yeah. And they, like, didn't drink. Like, so, no, so like, you felt like a real alcoholic. When you're like, can I get another? And they're like, another? And you're like, really? Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, it'll be weird about it. Yeaah, I'm kinda gonna do this until I go to bed. Yeaah, I'm gonna keep having these, and uhm. Really? You-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, they sure did make a lot of those, like, startup shows. Like, I watched the Uber show, and then the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was called, it was, uh, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and it was, uh, on Showtime, and it was fine. It was fine. But I'm like, I sort of was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. Is this gay stuff, dude? Yeah, so like, the Uber one was like, he was kind of misogynistic. Uh huh, misogynistic. Right. Who, the Uber guy, right? The Uber guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was like the stiff, uh, I think I didn't finish it, so maybe it gets better, but I just was like, he's not- That's what I mean. Both of you guys, he got ousted, he got ousted. None of this shit fucking is good. He wasn't like a total monster, and it didn't seem like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you start, if you have a startup and you want a spinoff show,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I didn't know, I was just, I was fucking, I was bored and was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, if I can, I don't need to watch a show about a guy doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so shows are performance vehicles? Sure, I like Anne Hathaway. Is, is, is Jared Leto good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not called uber. It's not called the uber story. It's called text.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Battle for Uber. The Battle for Uber, it's in the title. It's, I guess it is in the title. Uh, the reason I brought it up was it's, it just, there was nothing to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I get it, and you would think... I'm so confused. You would think a juggernaut would go like, if we were like, and we have this hit show, Seven Seasons, and we're doing this movie, they would...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't sleep last night. And I watched the whole thing. I watched all of it. Because I was like, Oh wow. Because I commit to bad stuff. I, you know, I'll just double down on it and watch the whole damn thing. And it just doesn't get much better and you're just sort of like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it also made me, like, refresh my memes on what the fuck happened in World War I. I'm like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I feel like I knew, like I passed history class, like I must have known what the fuck was going on. It was the Ottoman Empire. Yeah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so we weren't, okay, okay. Late to the party. We were late to the party. And then when we came, we just fuckin' roll, fools, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a really good movie. If you haven't seen it, it's on Netflix, all quiet on the western front. And I guess they've made, I guess it was a huge book, and then this is like the fourth time they've made the movie. So uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, real dice roll. And what's kinda crazy is it's in German, but they dub it in English for us. So like, it doesn't quite match up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda, I got used to it. Like at first I'm like, it's gonna bother me. And then, and then I was, then it didn't, and then it didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Title, it's yea, it's a title reuse. It's a way different movie. It wasn't a remake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's only four of us and those are two names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, uh, we can go to, let's haul ass out to Catalina, that'd be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you never see it, Adam? No, I just watched it on a plane. The plane from Indonesia, dude, it took four...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All in pieces. No, I saw it all, but dude, it's four flights and it takes over 24 hours to get there. It's a true haul. But, uh, yeah, I watched it, but I was like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like half paying attention. I feel like I need to rewatch and like really invest. That movie is a fucking fever dream, dude. Yeaah. Because the internet was on and popping.


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[Assistant] Dude, I know we're like a group of real Tom Cruise lovers here and I talk, you know, to other actors and they like don't quite feel our love of Tom.


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[Assistant] But he is phenomenal, dude. He is like, every movie he's ever done is fuckin' infinitely better because he's in it. Does Tom have a stinker? Perfect!


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[Assistant] Like his streak is unreal. He's like a, he's like a Bose speaker.


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[Assistant] And I was like kind of like bummed that they didn't tell me anything about like my groin and I'm like, dude, this sucks. Like I can't work out anymore. I can't ride a bike. Like I feel like I'm just going to be obese, you know, and, and I'm just gonna like morph into this giant blob of a person. And he goes, dude, have you seen the whale?


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, and I go, well, you know, Brendan Frazier hurt his back.


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[Assistant] And then gained all that weight, like had to quit acting essentially because he hurt his back, uh, from doing stunts and stuff. And then he said no to a bunch of things and then things kind of dried up for him because he kept saying,


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, living legend, Tom Cruise. And we're not giving him flowers. Nope, not at all. No, no, no, no, no.


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[Assistant] We are absolutely not giving him flowers. No. No, no flowers given.


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[Assistant] Just love, love the guy. Yea, accolades. Yea, we don't give flowers anymore, we give accolades.


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[Assistant] The irony, the irony. Yea, never, it has been dead for 80 years. It's in the bloodline, Kyle, I appreciate it.


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[Assistant] Have we talked about this? Have we talked about this? I'm, I'm, I'm up for like, uh, doing the, the grill up here. What do you mean?


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[Assistant] I'm still inspecting to see if this is like a cash grab on the dentist part or if this is like, if this is me that I need to do this kind of a thing. So I'm still sussing it out.


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[Assistant] I could maybe do the Invisalign or whatever, but I don't wanna be


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[Assistant] Which you said? In the dental technology, yes.


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[Assistant] That's exactly. Blake needs to open for Adam now, Blake. Yeah.


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[Assistant] So why, when I was tongue in his D-hole. Adam, congratulations. Nice. That's what, that's what yours


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[Assistant] You just get a tugboat? Is that what happens? You get tugged in?


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[Assistant] I would love to do that now. That would be fun to do now. Just to do like the- It'd be super fun. Right.


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[Assistant] Right, like the continuation schools that they had, right. Like, uhm. Like gang members.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's whoop-wap, he's whoop-wap. Yeah, Gilliam Rocks bro. He's definitely whoop-wap. He's very whoop-wap.


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[Assistant] It's a show. Who's gonna click in on that show?


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[Assistant] I wonder what, what is it that they're not fucking with? What is, I wonder what it is they're not fucking with?


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[Assistant] I wanna watch that as well. I need to watch that. I love Coppola, man. I love his whole thing.


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[Assistant] I just don't think we know anything about this. I'm just gonna say it.


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[Assistant] Now is it just gonna be a year, is it just gonna be a year full of parties? Is that what it's gonna be or are we gonna have a collective?


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[Assistant] I just don't feel comfortable having my own birthday. Like, I like to, I like to, I don't like having birthdays, man.


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[Assistant] So is this a compliment? Is this a compliment to the shock giver? No, I'm bringing up another thing.


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[Assistant] Right, well documented. You have eight green toenails and what's the one that's like really nice?


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[Assistant] God. Oh, that one's nice. That's a nice tone. Dude. One next to...


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[Assistant] I knew about like, I knew about like nipples bleeding. That's a big thing with marathon runners, their nipples bleed. It's the biggest thing.


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[Assistant] Right? Bloody nipples, dude. If you're not bleeding out your nips.


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[Assistant] To protect your toes. Yeah, and teeth. What's up with those? What do you mean protect your, from what? What are you protecting? What are your toenails shunting away?


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[Assistant] There's a sink in the classroom when you're doing science experiments. Uh, no, we're getting to it. You guys didn't have sinks in your classrooms?


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[Assistant] I think what really fucked me up was this was a moment, this was the first time in my life where a person who was in charge of teaching me was, I was like, I was like, you're wrong. Why are you saying that word fucking wrong? This is second grade and you're saying warsh?


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[Assistant] I specifically remember a day when they were like, yo, we're adding bling bling to the dictionary. I remember that news story.


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[Assistant] Janky just got in. Oh, that's some bullshit. That's some gatekeeping. MacGyver just got in. Oh, wow. MacGyver? This can't be real. No, that can't be. MacGyver's a word? Yeet. Yeet is him. Oh, yeet got in?


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[Assistant] Get up for the dawn chorus. That is some birdwatcher shit. Who was the dude who just kept saying dawn chorus every fucking day? Exactly.


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[Assistant] Oh, we got a couple gatekeepers to the English language. I'm just saying Webster kind of fell off. Kind of? Yea, majorly. This is like, are you, you're an Oxford boy now? I'm an Oxford man. Ever since I heard they were first to bootylicious, which is a good word to add.


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[Assistant] Wait, what is that thing called? The Nutsack Elbow Skin. It has a really funny name.


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[Assistant] That's why, that's why. Ohhh. iPhone, I have an iPhone. Okay, wait.


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[Assistant] Nothing means anything. You've completely lost sight of what it means to be a part of just regular society.


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[Assistant] I thought you were referencing, like, your aunt.


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[Assistant] Today we're talking about what 10-1 means on set. 10-1 is just simply when you have to use the restroom. Take a pee-pee. Uh, that's right. Well, specifically a pee-pee. Specifically. Right, because you're taking ten minutes to do a number one. No, no, no, no. That's what I assume. Oh, I didn't know that. No, no, no, no, no.


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[Assistant] I love when I'm not the one fucking up words. You're always given ten minutes to do what you're doing. You're just alerting the crew what it is you're doing. You're either peeing or you're pooping, but people need to know.


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[Assistant] Where did those numbers come from? It's from the military. Why are we repeating- By the way- The military? What do you mean the military? Talk to me, sweetheart. What's ten mean in the military?


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[Assistant] I mean, you're, you're taking ten minutes, but nobody uses all ten minutes.


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[Assistant] It is. It is very weird. Do you think that we're gonna get kicked out of medieval times tonight? Is that what we're going in, like, thinking, or? Hey, those four year olds over there!


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[Assistant] You have always claimed Shamrock Shakes, since I've known you. You loooove them. It was a tradition in my family. That's huge, man. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yes sir, absolutely. Look at that Irish.


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[Assistant] Bin Laden, that track goes, uh, it's a blap blap blam blanger.


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[Assistant] I bet they didn't get chipped off enough.


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[Assistant] Well, Isaac's claiming Gallagher's dead, but did he die? I haven't seen anything outside of Isaac has said it twice today.


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[Assistant] Yes, and he also, yes, on his stand-up show he has a giant couch. His stand-up show.


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[Assistant] I wish this were either a porno or the workaholics movie, which was kind of both.


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[Assistant] My kitchen is, which just got remodeled. Fully, uh, also raining inside. So, that's my life. And then...


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[Assistant] Well. Nothing. Nothing. No matter what they throw at us, we'll keep chugging along. Chugga, chugga.


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[Assistant] What? The issue, I feel like we had to talk about the elephant in the room, so right after I saw that my house was flooding, my second, uh... Not you, Kyle!


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[Assistant] The pachyderm. Yea, not Kyle, the, our human elephant. Human balloon. I'm a hungry, hungry hippo.


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[Assistant] Uh, well, you don't, you don't have to anymore. You could just be Blake Anderson, dude. Nooo! Yeah, yeah, sorry.


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[Assistant] Or just any community theater. Because we were ready to go, we were doing table reads, we uh, have offices set up, uhm, we were building stage.


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[Assistant] So that is one of the biggest bummers of it all, uh, is that all the crew that we've hired that thought that they're gonna spend this time working for us and getting paychecks from us and our show, they no longer get that. And that truly is the worst thing about it.


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[Assistant] No hangover. It gets you where you need to be. What is that? Is it alcohol?


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[Assistant] Kick it. I was excited to hang out with my boys for a few months straight. Yeah, what do we do now? What do we do with this time?


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[Assistant] Those, those, every time they try to do like, it's an improv show and the characters don't, there's, they don't know what's happening. It's usually bad, unless it's curb your enthusiasm, it's bad.


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[Assistant] What are you talking about? Well, I don't wanna shit on specifically the show I'm thinking about, but, uh, there are some, uh, improv shows out there now, and they're not that good.


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[Assistant] In the writer's room, and then they go do it, which essentially, that's, you're writing it with, with each other.


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[Assistant] Well, I get, I get the, it's kind of fun, cause you're seeing these people that they're in above their, they're in above their head, you know? They're like, I don't know what's going on, but that's fun for like two minutes, and then you're like, well I wish they did, I wish they would have wrote this, and I wish this were the workaholics movie.


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[Assistant] Who's your MVP or your fave from? Well that, that's a, that's a classic, yes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Ohio! Yeah, Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks. Uh, and that like, the weather there isn't that much different than Omaha. Okay. And I was like...


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[Assistant] No, I don't think it was, it was like a regular pool table that they just put in the backyard that was kind of a piece of shit.


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[Assistant] Evidently when they remodeled this house, like 30 years ago or whenever they did this kitchen, cause it's a 100 year old house, you know? Uh, they put the drainage for the entire roof in between two walls, in between the kitchen and like, oh what the fuck? My closet. So, then it got clogged because it is,


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[Assistant] Oh, uh, you know, should I say it? Cause insurance? Ah, fuck em. Uh... Wait, what? Wait, wait, what?


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[Assistant] All, yeaah, seven times I used it. And evidently a lot of that sand from the sandbags went down the drain. It got clogged.


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[Assistant] In terms of levies and stuff. Right. Sand is your friend. It's known to stop water.


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[Assistant] We're having rain terrorism. Uh, my, my other house, uh, is fully underwater, so. Bummer. Fully? Not fully. So by the way, I, I need to work. Uh, I have this time, uh.


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[Assistant] Matriculate? I don't think it. Yeaah. I thought that was like a math term. Matriculate? Like a foil. Like a matriculator? Like a front, outer, inner, last. Like you matriculate it.


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[Assistant] Okay. Yeah, I eat rotisserie chicken like four times a week. I fucking love rotisserie chicken. So I ate rotisserie chicken last week, and yesterday, when I took a shit,


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[Assistant] An entire rope that was about 14 inches long came out of my butthole, dude.


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[Assistant] I know, but when you said a rope, I was thinking with the thickness. But you know, the, the, the string, the rope that ties the chicken together. Like a dookie rope. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Dude, I was so scared when it came out. I was so scared, dude. You thought it was like a tapeworm? Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck it was. I was like- Did you pull it?


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[Assistant] And it just kept coming, dude. I'm taking kaba root.


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[Assistant] That's the thing I ate it last, uh, I ate it on Monday.


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[Assistant] I swallow it every Monday. This dude's eatin' ropes. So, yeah, so that's pretty good. Yeah, Monday, I shit it out Wednesday.


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[Assistant] It takes about 8 hours. Oh no. It takes about 36 hours for food to move through your colon. So, the entire colon. So 6 to 8 hours to pass through your stomach and small intestine. Food enters your large intestine, the colon, for further digestion, absorption of water, and finally, elimination of undigested food.


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[Assistant] About right. Dr. Brozark's up here. So the rope didn't take any extra time.


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[Assistant] That was so good. RIP Workaholics. Workaholics. Never heard of it.


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[Assistant] I remember when Paramount Plus was telling us that they not only wanted to do the Workaholics movie, but they wanted to have a spinoff TV show and all this other stuff. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] It's like nerd rope. It was like two separate pulls. Like I pulled it as far as I could get my arm down. And then I had to reach back up. Up your ass. Up your ass. And pull it again.


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[Assistant] He was dangling, dude. He was looking right at it. He was looking between his legs. Cause I was like, why won't this just fall into the bowl? Like, this is weird.


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[Assistant] That's life! Yeah, does it? You start to get a little riled up when you see it?


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[Assistant] Like it made one of those, we were at my wife's grandmother's funeral and there was photos from like the reception.


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[Assistant] It just got, it got mashed up in the chicken and I was just fucking going for it, dawg. I-I don't- And you just chewed?


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[Assistant] Fucking, we were, like. It's really weird. You have no, we're gonna start in just a few weeks. That, that, our whole schedules are totally fucked now. Blake just started his diet. My mom's gonna be so sad.


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[Assistant] My parents too, they were gonna come out and visit, uh, and see everybody on set. They were, my dad was so excited. Yeaah. He was like... Yeaah, I know. This was, this was gonna be cool. I opened up... He was asking about all the crew guys, all of his crew homies. Yeaah. If they're gonna be there.


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[Assistant] Dude, I've been, I've been, finally I'm starting to get my, my groin is starting to bounce back. Okay. I've been, uh, I got a, uh, physical therapist here


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[Assistant] Nice drop, Blake. I got a physical therapist here that's really really helping me, but it's so weird, dude. Like, I- he keeps the door open, I think, because it's so- You have to, yeah. It's so weird, like, how close to his dick he's rubbing.


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[Assistant] Because he has like goop on his hands and then he's just like digging into like my lower crotch, basically grazing my testes.


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[Assistant] The SOAS. It is not okay. Groinus Maximus. Is what we believe. And then I went and got an MRI, cause it was, earlier this week it was the worst it's ever been. And it's because it was feeling, it felt good for like five days in a row.


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[Assistant] And my physiotherapist is like, if it feels good for like four or five days, try to ride the bike for a little bit. And so I got on the bike. I did like, how long did you ride the bike? I did like 13 miles, like nothing that far.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we know he can shit. 2023. Uh, and then, and then I did that, and then I did a cold plunge, and I think I'm gonna buy a fuckin' cold plunge. I'm in.


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[Assistant] I'm like, is the heat on? And she's like, yeah, it's set at 70, you should be fine. And I'm like, uh, uh, uh. Uh, but my hip and groin- This doesn't sound good. You gotta tap-


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[Assistant] No, no, no, you gotta have a hot tub right next to you. That's what- that's how you- Nah, just get out. Well, I went back- th- there was a- a sauna. I think I'm gonna get a sauna, too. I think I'm gonna get a renew. It's called Renew. Get a roof, bitch! I'm gonna get that- I gotta work. Two roofs! Damn, son!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Infrared? No, it's, uh, not sauna, sorry, the cold plunge is renew, and I think the jacuzzi infrared...


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[Assistant] I'm so confused. You know what I think it is? I think it's cause I can't feel temperature from my knees down. You're like a frog.


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[Assistant] So, so I think it is cheating a little bit. So the rest of my, there's less body that is feeling cold.


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[Assistant] Is this, is this your, yeaah, is this your lower half or your whole body? Your whole body up to your neck. Up to your neck, up to your neck. Yeaah. Oh, so you don't go under the head, right? Yeaah, I mean. No, I keep my hands out too because I'm like, fuck that, I wanna be able to drive home. No, keep your hands in. Cause your hands freeze up? Yeaah, your hands freeze up. You just keep, I, I usually, what I do is I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you just, but if you watch something, you forget how cold you are. And then you look down and you're like, Oh, that was eight minutes.


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[Assistant] Tell you what, Blake, if you are ever sore, like I'm sore all the time, like I think from my accident as a kid, like I think my joints... Everything's just fucked, right? So, and the way I work out, I work out like a fucking lunatic, so my body's just like, uh, fuck you.


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[Assistant] It helps with inflammation and with arthritis and it boosts your metabolism.


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[Assistant] I wonder if, I wonder if there's gonna be a whole generation of men that, uh, are gonna, like our balls are gonna hang lower than like our parents and grandparents because we're doing all this like getting them really cold, getting them really hot and saggy, getting them really cold back to hot and saggy.


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[Assistant] I know that. Dicks are getting smaller. For sure they are. Oh, for sure. I absolutely-


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[Assistant] You can't have four little boys running around. Three's enough, dude. You're cutting your dick off?


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you're predisposed to, to like a heart attack or something, I'd like to know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me, is that... What is that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so it was a real deal. We were a Hollywood attraction. That's right. It was.


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[Assistant] Damnit. How, how dare they? Fuck. How dare they.


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[Assistant] I guess we, what do we do, uh, we call the Wizards up, see if they wanna do another album. I will say that, Ders, you wrote one hell of a script and I was so excited to shoot it with you boys. I was, I was ecstatic. Rereading last night, getting excited, we were gonna do a, a table read tomorrow, with some of our writer friends, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you wrote one hell of a script or is he was very, very, very, very funny.


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[Assistant] They, they sure did, they sure did, but they got every spin-off that no one really watches, and the only people that do are my dad.


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[Assistant] The last, uh, flowers we gave was to Twitch, I believe. Yes. Uh, the DJ for Ellen, a great dancer, uh, he, uh, committed suicide and he passed away. And we have a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Long line of people we- Horrible track record. It's very strange. Bob Saget. Of we give flowers to and then people fucking die right after.


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[Assistant] Yeah, let's give, we'll give, we'll give Paramount plus their flowers.


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[Assistant] I love you dudes, and, uh, hey, till next time. We'll, you know, we're gonna get together and we're gonna work together again. I know we will. Yep, at McDonald's. Whether it's on Workaholics or something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's just, yeah, let's just go to Big Bear and hunker down for a weekend.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was there, but then when it was put together, it was just so fucking shocking and hilarious that it felt tonally correct with the film. Over the top.


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[Assistant] That's a dangerous comedy, okay? That's what that one is. That's what it says.


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[Assistant] It was the Mike Tyson house.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Boars. Boars, teenager.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no gluten. No gluten or dairy. Just enough booze, man. It's, it's, uh.


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[Assistant] They call these things hard smoothies, but wouldn't it be better if they were called rough smoothies? Huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but smooth and rough would be like directly, you know? Oh, rough sure. Only for this, only for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks like it's Adam. Ders is definitely the professor, 100%. Oh, and we're not talking


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[Assistant] He does. The caller is great, I love him.


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[Assistant] Completely confused me even when it came out, because it had, it was all 70s inspired, but it was made in the 90s. I thought it was an old movie.


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[Assistant] Dead ringers? Dead? I had a dead ringer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was like, even our, even our minds had fucked in that guy, right?


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[Assistant] Hello, last time I checked, Jesus makes water into wine. Hellooooooo. Yea dude, I fucking jacked last time.


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[Assistant] TROP HOUSE. This is tropical house mashup music.


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[Assistant] What, is that bad? No, no, that's just a vibe that exists. Oh, hello, that's, I feel like the most relaxed I ever am is in a W Hotel lobby. Really? I hate the W Hotel lobby. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the guy. Does he come out? Do they like do a little set together? That could get pretty crazy. I don't know. I've yet.


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[Assistant] That's the song. That's the song. That's it. Guess where it takes place. If my guess is Miami. Florida Keys. It takes place in the most drop house place you'll ever. Ozarks. Is it Lake of the Broke? It's Florida Keys. Nope.


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[Assistant] Is it the Bahamas? I don't think so. Okay, it's not, so it's Bahamas? He doesn't think so. Ibiza? Closer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was a great answer Ders, if this was Family Feud, that's up there. Is it Ibiza? I thought it was Ubiza. Ibiza.


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[Assistant] It's in none other than Croatia, babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.


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[Assistant] Yes, it looks gorgeous. I'm just Googling it and I'm like getting a boner over here. You've never... I don't know anything about it. I've never Googled Croatia before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think maybe we should do this. Right. Dude, I have never looked this place up. It's right by, it's bordered by Slovenia and Hungary and Bosnia. Who's hungry?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think they have a Croatia? W Croatia?


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[Assistant] How the hell did we get to the point where yea, where we were like, yo, alcohol is meh, like what party did some motherfucker just go way off the rails and they're like, we're done, booze is over.


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[Assistant] Let's take a decade off of not drinking. Who's with me?


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[Assistant] Beer's illegal man, you have to come over to my house and smoke.


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[Assistant] She's a- she was just a groupie.


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[Assistant] It does not, uh, yeaah, it's, it's, yeaah, it definitely, it definitely writes a lot of wrongs for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what was the last one? Donovan's brain? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, then Kevin Gates came out and had an interview about eating butt-like groceries and it was a firestorm.


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[Assistant] Damn, I don't think I've ever been jackblasted in my life.


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[Assistant] Yeah. No, the bases are moving and you're moving the goalposts. Yeah. This bros out here moving goalposts.


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[Assistant] Kind of like rock and jock basketball, how they had like two more hoops. What if we do rock and jock softball with two more bases?


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[Assistant] If we want to deep dive it, it's like kind of like, uh, the, the team has, is kind of notorious for like selling off all their players of value and they kind of were like building up this


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[Assistant] Is that what's happening? No, it's just their strategy. They just don't spend money. It's management.


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[Assistant] Wait, did we talk about that Savannah Bananas or whatever? We talked about that, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like this team out in Savannah, Georgia. They're called like the Bananas, I think, and they play baseball with like totally different rules, like.


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[Assistant] They have like flaming bats and you can like, it's like bizarre. It looks fun as fuck.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well that's what they call the Coliseum, the last- You would just go there, there's things happening. The last dive bar. Yeah, you just treat the- you treat the stadium like your bar, that's the fucking coolest, but- I mean, Wrigley is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much does a ticket go for at Wrigley though? Up top? Nothing. Really? Yea, it's still cheap up there. That's dope. See, that's the way baseball games should be. They should be cheap as fuck. Like for the way ups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You shortstopped me. Cool, you stuck with the butt. Pucker up, this is my first base. P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pucker up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going to the wrong parties, dude. You need to go to the cool, like, old guy rules parties. You gotta hang out with Blake. Blake knows where all the cool old guys are. Kyle, you play pickleball.


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[Assistant] The grown men's is really, really off the coast of Croatia, baby. That's a grown man area.


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[Assistant] I'm saying it's probably a very, uhm, wealthy area. You're not gonna see a lot of young money out there. It's probably a lot of old dudes with big boats.


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[Assistant] That's what it's looking like to me. Very cliff side, very, very blue. It's on the Adriatic Sea? Is that?


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[Assistant] They just have Kygo cranking on the fucking loudspeakers. Hello. I love that.


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[Assistant] You guys have never been to Dubai, right? I heard like that's kinda like it out there.


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[Assistant] There's that many people that are that wealthy that they can afford to live there?


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[Assistant] Yeah, this place looks weird as hell, man, but I would go there. I don't know, but I heard, like in Dubai, you're not allowed to drink. It's illegal. It's like prohibition out there.


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[Assistant] You can only drink in hotels or something. It sounds kind of...


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, I'm trying to, you know, go out to a little bar, you know, go outside. What the fuck?


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[Assistant] So what, you have to be on Raya? They check your star meter, and if it's low enough, you can drink.


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[Assistant] KingBatch, you are not my friend. I am sorry, alright? So good.


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[Assistant] He also played at the University of San Francisco. Shout out Bay Area legend Bill Russell.


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[Assistant] How's there something you want to get off your chest before we, uh, hang up?


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[Assistant] No, we did that with, we did that with gum wrappers to look like the grills.


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[Assistant] Also, dude, best ass is hell is subjective.


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[Assistant] I was a hot first baseman. You couldn't concentrate because you kept staring at this adult man's ball sack. It was either a bit or he's a pervert.


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[Assistant] Cruella de Vil. That movie is fucking, would they ever make a movie like 101 Dalmatians anymore?


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[Assistant] Cool, I liked it, but it was, uh, it, it was less about how she's, the whole,


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[Assistant] No, no, no. I know, I know. I'm saying for a children's... And she's not gonna skin the dogs alive. Yes she is.


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[Assistant] When you're a little kid, I think it's pretty gnarly, but I like that, I like that about Disney movies. They like leaned into the gnarliness of like how, I think we talked about on the first-


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[Assistant] That's sick, gnar dog. And that's a fact. He cut it off himself. That's a fact, Blake. Thank you for spreading that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, when it doesn't, it doesn't spell cruel devil.


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[Assistant] I thought, I, hey, Kyle, here's, here's what I thought. I thought that... Yeah, so what the fuck did you think, you dumbass? That it was like a Disney, like, easter egg. It's not that. Where they smelled it in a way that it, that when you look at it written, it's, it's cruel devil.


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[Assistant] Dude, just, hey, Kyle, just say allegedly and we can move on, man. Just say it. I can't beli-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I wanna say that I don't even know if I ever put it together to me. I just took it at face value. I was like, yeah, that's your name, Cruella De Vil. Cause it's nothing.


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[Assistant] When it's not spelled that way, uh, cause I thought it was like a hidden thing.


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[Assistant] Oh, I thought it was when Scar laid down, like, in the dirt. It's, it spelled something out.


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[Assistant] You know Scar had some big swingin' nuts for all the casually deeds he did. Dude, Scar was crazy. Wooo, Scar was... You talking about the worm bag? Scar's worm bag was swangin'.


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[Assistant] That's bad, and you should go to the doctor. You should go to the doctor for that, but that's a whole other bag of worms. I have. We've covered it. It was cold. He couldn't get a good grip on it. It's fine. But, okay.


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[Assistant] The bee I thought, I thought it was the bee when they're on the balcony.


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[Assistant] I thought, here's what I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of, there might have been, there might have been... Let me see your hands, Adam. Hands up.


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[Assistant] That, it was the bee when uhm, the genie turns into a bee and is like going around and telling Aladdin to do certain things and then they're on the balcony and he's talking with Jasmine and then he like whispers to come out your glass. Or something like that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but at 12, you're starting to perk up. You're starting to be like, ooh, I think girls are pretty cool.


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[Assistant] Oh dude, what an epic slam. And, and that's a joke? Dude, say hey.


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[Assistant] Save that for when we do epic slams at the end. Because you gotta, you gotta bring that one back.


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[Assistant] Like 101 Dalmatians being all about like killing a ton of dogs, I feel like they absolutely wouldn't make a movie like that anymore. Like it's just not palpable to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not a ton of Cruel Devils anymore, and that sucks!


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[Assistant] Are they, when they watch an old movie like that, are they like, taken aback by how like,


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[Assistant] For the, on the Cruella movie with Emma Stone. That was a good movie and that was live action. It wasn't.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I like that that's even the name of the movie. Is 101 Dalmatians. And you're like, oh, I wonder why it's 101. Like, that's a very specific number. Oh, cause that's the perfect amount she needs to kill and skin in order for her to get the perfect coat.


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[Assistant] What's going on over there, Beezer? Your internet sucks balls or what?


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[Assistant] Oh, he's- Nope, can't hear ya. We cannot hear ya.


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[Assistant] Can't, can't hear ya. I'm glad, I'm just glad this didn't happen on the 100, on our very special 100th episode. Because I'm glad-


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[Assistant] Was a bitch who thought he was dying. And turns out he just gets bad headaches now.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Or would have to like go home. I remember back in the day she would like have to ex- We let her go home.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, we did. I can't believe it. That's insane. Does this work? Hey, there you are. How's it going, bud?


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[Assistant] Well, admittedly, when it's hot out, when it's like really hot out and your ball sack is, when you're not to really hang it, you're slapping the sides of your thighs, that's the worst, right? Thighs?


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[Assistant] Which, by the way, Mr., I don't, I didn't know what Mr. Belvedere was. It was a sitcom from Durs's childhood. Like the 70's.


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[Assistant] Epic Slam. Epic Slam. So it was a show about a butler or something from the 80s that derrs


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[Assistant] I-I-I'm gonna save them. I'm gonna save them here in about 20 or 30 minutes. I'm gonna-I'm gonna give some flowers.


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[Assistant] Wasn't Bob Euker in, in those baseball movies?


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[Assistant] But wasn't he an actual baseball announcer for the Milwaukee Brewers?


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[Assistant] Okay, so, but Mr. Belvedere, the reason you were telling this story...


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[Assistant] When you're horny, is that what you're saying? You're a horny 12 year old.


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[Assistant] I would, I would definitely remember that. That would be seared into my Snapchat brain.


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[Assistant] It was either a bit or he's a pervert. Yeah, it's a bit, dude. Or a little bit of both. No, he's, well, it might be both. It can't be both. It can't be both. It can be both.


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[Assistant] Nuts. It's not sexual. It's my nut. It's my nut.


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[Assistant] Do you do that? I like, cause I feel like I should have.


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[Assistant] Oh, there's literally- I've not even seen- I thought Sneakers was a- I thought it was like a movie about hackers? About shoes? About a kid who gets shoes who can play basketball? No, I thought it was like a movie about- That's like Mike, brother. That's live!


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[Assistant] But usually movies about hackers from the early 90s are sick. Since the technology was so dumb. They have rollerblades.


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[Assistant] Let's give our flowers to the movie Sneakers, which evidently is a cult- cultural touchstone.


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[Assistant] Do they, either you're like, oh, this guy.


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[Assistant] It's a degenerate who just, eh, is doing this for a few extra bucks. Or it was, uh, uh, not even a drug dealer.


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[Assistant] Or, or it was a retired teacher. Someone that was so nice and so cool, but something was a little off that made it feel like maybe that's why they couldn't get hired. They didn't wear underwear. They couldn't get hired.


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[Assistant] That's what a substitute teacher should be. And he became a fireman. Well, that's why it was so great having one of those fucking loony tunes in your classroom. Because they never cared. They weren't going to teach you anything. They were just going to tell you a cool story that they tell every class. Or they're just going to put on Hoosiers and call it a fucking day.