[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is getting embarrassing. I think, oh wait, are they, he gave us, this is a big one, Matthew. I feel like this is a test for me to see if I have brain damage. Like this is all just words that are just trying to see, yeah, he's got, I'm going to have a gout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After telling me I need to calm down, I left about 10 minutes later. I got a letter from the doctor that he was leaving the practice and taking a select group of patients with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, you don't, does he break up with, does he have to write a letter to all the other people? Like, do you have to tell them or does he just go, they go, you can either tell them or not tell them. He goes, I don't want to tell them. He goes, oh, you know what? I'll tell one. Let me write one. Dear Matthew Carr, I'm rethinking my life because of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all right. That's it. Thank you guys so much as always for reading, uh, or for writing on the comments. You can always, uh, write them. We read them. I read them and, uh, the long ones are, long ones are tough. Yeah. Multiple sentences we get, we get rolling, but got through it another day. So today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking, you talk about calendar. I mean, we're talking about nothing. But so we, we, uh, uh, Brian had an idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with, uh, going through, uh, let's talk about the states, you know, and I don't think we're not going to just do a complete run of every episode of states, but we're going to, you know, we're trying to get through all 50 states and, uh, it'll be fun to learn about these states. I'll be able to have some guests that are from states.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you can hear us talk about your state. Uh, and we've been kind of keeping, we do a random, we did a random state picker online. Uh, one way we might do a bowl. I'm not sure where we draw names. We're just still figuring that out. I don't, we don't want to tell y'all before cause we,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, you know, we don't want a bunch of stuff added into this. It's like, the idea of this is to let us go through it and be as stupid as possible. And then you get it, as always, you get to tell us next week if you're from this place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you could be like, you guys are nuts or maybe you guys get it. Uh, so, uh, we did the random state thing. I think we posted it on the NateLand, uh, Instagram last week or social media. And so the first state up is Rhode Island, which is a good state to start with. So we're going to learn a little about Rhode Island. I've been to Rhode Island.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've done shows up there. Is there a comedy club?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy connection. Oh yeaah, yeaah. In Providence. Yeaah, Providence, Rhode Island. I've been to Providence, I've been to Rhode Island a ton actually. I was thinking of Maine real fast in my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's what I, honestly, I put, as we were talking Rhode Island, I'm picturing Maine. Providence Road, I've been to a million times. Uh, we go, there's a great comedy club, Comedy Connection there. It's in an old bank and they have a big safe. The green room is in the old safe, the vault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. And so, uh, but a great club and, uh, we would, last time I did it, the Falcons, because it's near where the Patriots play, and so the Falcons stayed at the, there's a hotel at the mall and the Falcons were all at the hotel. So Matt, Julio Jones and Matt Ryan, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, Providence got a little cool little walking area. Their downtown is very cool. Uh, yeaah, I've been there a bunch. They have a non-stop flight. Uh, I want to say it's to Providence. This could be Connecticut. I'm not positive. But from LA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, it was like every Thursday and I, uh, cause I took it once and I remember just like, what are the odds that you can do nonstop from LA to Providence?


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[Assistant] That's, you know, doesn't make sense. Like New York is nearby. You just think you'd have a layover and there's one flight because it could be Connecticut. I could be messed up, but it's, there's a lot of money up there. Uh, so a lot of people fly to LA, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's bought at the wrong province. Pretty far off. Did I talk about this before? There's a, uh, there's a Japanese restaurant here, you know, that I go to in, uh, Nolensville, if anybody's, and it's a good, it's very good. But they get, uh, there's a new, there's a, one in New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched a guy sit outside and wait for his order and he's like, they go, we don't have your order. He goes, did you call New York's? You know, and he looks, he goes, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he had to order again and call the New York place and like, yeah, dude, I'm not going to make that order. Like it's, uh.


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[Assistant] That's a lot. That's a lot. I've been to, I think everyone, I just can't remember, I've never been to Montana, North Dakota, and maybe I've been to North Dakota, I've been to so many places I forget, Alaska, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to say that's it. I've been to South Dakota, uh, and then, yeah, I can't, I can't remember. I think I've been to, I think everyone but like North Dakota and Alaska and Montana. And that's it. Those are the three I want to go to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's where, I mean, how many people work there that don't live there? There might be a ton. You don't, cause if you don't, it's 40 miles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Long or wide, long, whatever. North to south, it's 48 miles. So, yeah, I mean, you're in 37, I mean, you could just live right outside and go drive and you'll be 15 miles to the middle. You know? I mean, you would, you could easily not live in Rhode Island.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's crazy. New Jersey's that packed. And Rhode Island is, and Rhode Island as well, that packed. Yeah, that's crazy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, they might not like it. Yeah, that's something to hang your hat on. Welcome to the small state in the U.S.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to get there and go, this reminds me of the road in, uh, in Greece. He's like, when were you in Greece? 45 years ago? I mean like, I've been coming here for most of this time. He's probably mad. He's like, I could just stay home!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine just that long of a travel. I mean, how long would it take them to travel? That long of a travel just to get here.


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[Assistant] And then, and how frustrating would it be to be next to that guy? And he goes, you know what this reminds me of? That road in Greece. And they're like,


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[Assistant] That, I mean, it's gotta be, that guy's a nightmare. Just to go.


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[Assistant] That's like what the Indians got for it. What's the whole, what's the process like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ben Johnson. Love what you're doing here. Reminds me of a place at home actually. Anyway, uh, we'd love to make an offer, uh, for this land. It's purchasing a big


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and the phone was in minutes. He's like, this is for, yeah, he's like, like, you know, we can make phone calls back home now. What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like how much he was like, once you can just contact him pretty easy. He goes, yeah, we got him on the phone right now. You want to talk to him? He's like.


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[Assistant] They usually didn't even go back home. Settlers.


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[Assistant] So your job was a settler. You were like, I'm a settler. So your job was like, I'm going to go, nice to meet you. I'm going, I'm going to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not a, you know, like, I mean, he would, like, if you, if we told him the story, how quick we would brush over it, he's like,


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[Assistant] Once you get back, yeaah, I mean, when your boat, you know, yeaah, your boat lands up and you're like, uuuh. You just get off the boat like a plane.


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[Assistant] Guy wouldn't let go of that Providence plantation. He goes, no, no, it's still doing that. You're like, yeah, but.


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[Assistant] Someone's just, cause they go eventually, look, you gotta pull someone aside and go, hey, it's 2020, can't say anything anymore. And no one's calling it.


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[Assistant] As their bird? It's a, it is a chicken? Yea. It's straight up a chicken.


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[Assistant] Why would they make it, I guess, yeaah.


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[Assistant] I bet by the time the guy that said our bird, why do you even have a state bird? I guess every state has a bird. Uh, I would imagine when they made it the chicken, it was before they realized like, Oh, I could have done an eagle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four years later, someone's like, you know our state bird is a hawk. And you're like, we have those.


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[Assistant] You mean you don't do that? He's like, no, you don't want to be, what do you mean, a chicken steak?


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[Assistant] The eagle's much cooler, but the turkey is, you know, we're all kinda big. A lot of us have gout.


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[Assistant] We had an eagle, I think on, in our backyard. Did I ever say that? I don't know. In our old, in our old house. Oh. A bald eagle. I remember that. A nest, uh, put a nest in. You gotta, you just gotta let it, I mean an eagle.


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[Assistant] Can't touch him. Can't touch him. And you gotta watch TV and watch what he wants to watch.


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[Assistant] Oh, not of, not of America. For Rhode Island. That's something though. She gets to say, you know, that's, you know, she's like, I was the first woman governor of Rhode Island. And I bet everybody goes, oh, like America. And they go, she goes, no, Rhode Island. I bet everybody, I bet if you talk to her, she's like, oh, that's all the time. I was the first woman governor of Rhode Island. Of Amer- of America? No.


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[Assistant] Cause then, then it just, no, just Rhode Island. She goes, ah, that's cool, man. That's what they say to her. That's cool, man. Defeats the purpose. Defeats the whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're just naming stuff that, we're looking at a number. It's not a, we're not, it's not a conversation about it. It's, if there's, there's over a million, was there less than a million there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are enormous. Well, that's when everybody thinks we're all too crowded. You're like, go to Wyoming. There's, there's room. There's plenty of room. Go to these other places.


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[Assistant] So they can't buy alcohol? No. They rejected the idea?


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[Assistant] I mean, can you, I mean, could you just be like, the other places are like, wait, we can just say no? Like how do you, they're like, yeah, just say no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, why would you, you would just say, yeah, I would just say no.


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[Assistant] I mean now, looking back, yeaah. They go, yeaah, we should have said no. Al Capone would have not got going. Al Capone like, I'm gonna start something crazy. Like, oh, we're just gonna say no. He's like, oh, alright. And then he just becomes a banker. You know what I mean? Like he has to get a regular job. Like he doesn't drive it. Like he's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's, it's just a apartment building. It's like a parking lot now kind of, but it's where the building used to be and that's where it was. Uh, so.


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[Assistant] Then you saw it right before everybody else. You could actually know you're about to get shot versus the other losers that had no idea that it was coming.


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[Assistant] Uh, so yeaah, actually I bring it up quite a bit, uh, in large groups. I go, uh, you guys looking around, see what's going on versus not. Let's see what's going on. Uh, yeah. I mean, I would imagine it's, you know, but I mean, anybody can be paranoid, so it could be an


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[Assistant] Uh, I think there's a lot of, I think where that stuff is like getting weaned out though of like, you know, what was I, uh, you watch like,


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[Assistant] The way men were along, like your dad, our dad, your grandparents and all, like the way like families and the structure, it's so different. And to now.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's true too, and there's a lot going on right now. Uh, but that's something that, I mean, if you're in the forties, yeaah.


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[Assistant] And you go tell your neighbors, what do you do? Oh, I stay home with the kids. They might fight. They might fight you and try to take your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I always think that you, you wanna, well, and that's the, the balance of, there's more love, which is good, that you know, I know with, uh,


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[Assistant] You know, it's like with our daughter, it's like, she sleeps in our bed a lot and like there's just stuff that you would never be done, but still a lot of parents don't do that. Uh, I mean, there's a lot of still bad parents out there. Uh, but yeah, it's definitely, it's, it's a, obviously a gigantic difference of,


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[Assistant] And it's just getting, you know, I mean, it's gonna be all women working, just dads at home. It's all gonna flip.


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[Assistant] Just whacking them, closed fisting. Wife, kids, everybody.


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[Assistant] Secular? Yeaah. That's you say, what'd you say? No, I said cyclical. I said cyclical.


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[Assistant] Is that what they do at colleges, trying to be like, make you feel a little smarter than the regular folk?


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[Assistant] Is that all it is? That's all I got out of it. That's what I think college is. And they just want you to be a little, so you can be a little high brow. And when the, you know, just a blue collar guy like myself walks in with his lunchbox and you go, Oh, that's the world's secular.


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[Assistant] Do you want, do you want food? Are you hungry?


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[Assistant] A lot of people named Gregory because of Pope Gregory.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, see, these are, we're back to these stats. If this shows up, that's insane to me and that these people shouldn't have these jobs. There should never be someone that gets paid by finding the most Greggories in the state and I hope we don't have it. I swear, that is insane if this person has a job.


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[Assistant] And, cause there can't be, that's his, what are you doing at work today? Uh, you'd be surprised how many Gregory's there are in Rhode Island. They go, oh, okay.


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[Assistant] I know, that is true, but the person that finds this out, is there a number?


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[Assistant] It's not a, a, an easy. Uh huh. How many, what's, how popular of a name is Gregory? I think it's pretty popular man. Yea. There's a lot of Greggs.


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[Assistant] That, what is it, 20 point, 23 percent? I don't even, there's not, there can't be. And that's just a person that's, they, if it's 99.77 percent of people with the first name Gregory as their male, that .23 percent,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, uh, it's one person and they're a nightmare. It says 21 people are named Gregory Bayer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, hold on. So, uh, who do, where do we think a lot of Gregory's? Well, I know. I know. Greg Garcia, that's badger, he's a Gregory, uh, guest book. Right now and who? Uh, where, uh, he's from, he's from, uh, East Coast. So it's East Coast.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause here we are. Graphs are terrible. Graphs are, dude, there's no reason for a graph. A graph, there is zero reason for a graph. You can just type it out and just say where it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New Jersey. I could see that. Yea. A lot of Greggs.


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[Assistant] No, but I feel like every, I feel like there's multiple first factors. Oh, in the same town? Yeah. Maybe there's not. I don't think there is.


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[Assistant] We're the first Baptists on this land right here. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Of Rhode Island. But if she's the one that's trying to tell you, she's the one that's trying to tell you, you go, so this church is the first Baptist Church of America, and I'm the first woman of, you know, first woman governor. Do you have America?


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[Assistant] Wow, that's where they go. Average salary. $22,000 a year. Whoa!


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[Assistant] That's a good amount. It is. They should be getting better. Like that's how they probably got great schools. I'm sure they do.


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[Assistant] So they're actually going down. Oh buddy. This is from Wikipedia.


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[Assistant] We have a graph problem, dude. That's uh, I swear. There's people love a graph and they want to make graphs. Uh huh. And it's exciting and it's fun and you get it. It's like designing a house. Like you're like, Ooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, right? It's nice and simple. Nice and simple. Just, you know, obviously this chunk is gigantic and this part is not.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So they don't work everywhere. And in Pygraph, to be honest, how big is big? You know, how little is little? You don't know.


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[Assistant] Why do you, what is going on in 1801 that someone's like, I don't, I can't write my head around what you're saying. He goes, I got to figure a way to let these people know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many, they're like, we're going, we're trying to go across the country. He goes, but you're not going to make it. Most people don't. How were any stats kept in 1800?


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[Assistant] How could you ever track someone, I mean, I had 1800s, they're riding dinosaurs.


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[Assistant] Because I got, I mean, you can pull off some of the log cabin on the side of the house and draw it on that. I don't know. Like he's like.


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[Assistant] I know, but, uh, and the joke was like being friends with Shakespeare and he, he just, uh, look up the, look up a word that he invented cause I'll, I'll see, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the, what's the word he actually, so swagger, he, so let's say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, uh, so he invented skim milk. So let's say he invented skim milk's word, right? And so if your friend's a Shakespeare and you're just over at his house and he's like, you guys want some skim milk? And they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that made a lot of people uncomfortable when he tried to tell them that because they were unaware that he invented that word.


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[Assistant] I mean, pretty easy to invent words when it's 1623. That's true. I mean, everything you do, you just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna start using it. Let's all start using that now. They go, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I would do it without that. I would be like, let's just get that celery salt and the chopped onions on the side. No chopped onions. Celery salt on the side. You know I want to make a restaurant, uh, it's called No Tomatoes No Onions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, might just be, might just be me, but the idea. Especially the onions, I think. Is, uh, no tomatoes, no onions. And that's everything we got. One hamburger, lettuce pickle. And they go, oh, can I get to, can I get tomato onion on it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No twins, no onions. I wasn't aware of that. This is unreal. No muffin tops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever ate, uh, a garbage plate that's in Rochester, New York? No. It's just, uh, there's a bunch of stuff on it, like fries, like it's, they're famous for that. When I went there with Mark Maron, we, uh, opened, uh, he was like, we gotta go get the, you know, who told me to go actually was Fallon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I did tonight's show and we were talking, I was like, and I was going out with Marin and I was like, we're going to Rochester. And he's like, you gotta get the garbage plate. It's like the best thing ever. And so I was like, all right. And so then I told Marin, I was like, we gotta go to. Is this an action?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Just nonsense. What is that? I don't know. Just a bunch of stuff. I don't know if I do that upstate New York. I thought there was like, yeah, there's like fries and potatoes. Just a bunch of stuff on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how gout got started was the garbage plate. That was the first tipping off point. Is tipping off point the right way to say that? No? Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jumping off point. Jumping off point, bro. No one tips off a point. If you were standing on a point, you would tip off. You'd turn around though, if you said it. I'd turn around. You'd turn around, tipping off point. What's that? It would be enough to go. I know what you mean. Yeah, you would know what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's a tough drink. That's a tough drink to have as your steak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. There's a lot of explaining going on in Rhode Island with their stuff, their main stuff. Like a lot of, you know, what's your bird? It's a red hen. Wow. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, what do they say? It's just a red. Rhode Island red. It's just called a Rhode Island red. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen one of those. You'd be surprised. You've seen quite a bit of them. It's a chicken. It's a regular chicken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't let me wrap my head around. I thought I were eating pancakes. My head has got pancakes. You know, I need to be, if you're throwing some different food at me, I need to just tell me, just say, Hey, this is going to be a little different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If everything, they go, yeah, could be the grist and the 16, old, old 96 or is that from, uh, Uncle Buck? No, not Uncle Buck. Uh, the great outdoors. You ever seen the great outdoors? No. Oh, with John Candy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, oh dude, he eats the old 96er and eats this. He goes, oh yeah, they get a free meal if he eats it. And it's just giant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. But you have all those DVDs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go like by just a box of them, then he goes, what's in there? And you're like, I hope something good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you do that? Just to... I like to be able to watch them. To the DVDs. But you do it for the DVDs because you just, it's fun to have a DVD collection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even know what's going on. Do you ever think that you throw in one of those DVDs and if something happens in the world, you're just like, you have no idea that it happened. You're in your own little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, I feel like if something happened, they could still get you quicker that way. Yeah. Netflix, they could, you know, something could pop, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's an art school? What do they do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does that mean I'm just like, yeah, am I in the closet of a, of a actual room? I'm not a junk. Could I be a, I would go talk to, I would, I would do it. Yeah. Oh, I would love to do it. Would you teach a comedy class at Ball State? I'd go like Michael Scott, just rip his, rip the pages, rip the pages of his, and go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I do higher than that? Why can I go to this room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jokes, writing jokes. Talking about comedy, writing jokes, the idea of it. It all would be regular life stuff though. That would be, it's all of it, cause it's like the aspect of writing jokes is, I mean, I think you can, you gotta figure that out, but you gotta do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but go do it. I mean, no one could get anything. That's why I think stuff is getting worse. Cause I think people are not doing stuff as much and they get, they get thrown in. Like journalism is, you don't, I mean, you just start a website. That's why I think it happens, honestly, cause they don't have to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up through the, you know, system. Like, their system is like, well I've been writing a blog since I was 14, so they think I've been doing this 10 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what I was thinking about because we're losing that. You're losing that going through like someone, you know, working at an office forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just having to get coffee and to like building up, like that person is a lot better at what they do because they have had to learn it from the ground up versus now anybody can write anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y'all teach it over here. That's, uh, you're, well, that's one of my favorite episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it's one of my favorite because that one too, he goes, where he goes, he goes, well, Ryan's, he goes, he's never made a sale. And he set a fire in there. Like that was like a very honest being like, well, Ryan thinks he knows all this stuff, but he's never, he doesn't know how to make a sale. And then he goes to Pam's art, art show, which we're talking about. And that's the sweet, one of the sweetest moments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shows, that's the perfect, if someone said what is Michael Scott's character, I would show them that episode. Yeah. Is to go, he's, it's this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, uh, that's pretty crazy. So the mafia just is gigantic up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a headquarters, I mean, do you think they have an office, like a regular office? They called it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you walked in, it would be like a regular, you know, what's the upfront?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just finished the, uh, the Irishman. Irishman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I mean, every time you started, you're like, I guess we were at this part. Like, I don't, you know, I was, I was a year younger. Uh, and you know, yeah, Jimmy Hoffa, uh, I looked up stuff to look it up after, but he, uh, yeah, I think he is, his body is not buried somewhere. I don't think, uh, you think


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[Assistant] Well, I looked it up and he, they say that he's, he, that one guy wrote a book that, uh, do you paint houses? There's a book called, uh, do you paint houses?


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[Assistant] Or, uh, you know, and he, and so he said that's, that's what he said happened. But there's other people that don't. But I don't think he, cause there's a guy that, uh, not too long ago.


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[Assistant] Said that the guy that killed Jimmy off is still alive and he's in, but he's in prison. Uh, yeah. Uh, but you know.


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[Assistant] Uh, but there was also, I mean, that's a, that's a tough sign to follow. Yeah. It was like right before that, cause they have, that's a serious sign. And then right before it was drink cherry Coke.


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[Assistant] What is graffiti? Why do they feel like you gotta do it, I guess?


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[Assistant] It's, it's about, I think there's a, I think there's a game to graffiti. Like it's to see how, cause you ever see where it's like under a bridge and you're like, well, how did they get there? And that's what it's like. Yeah, that is. But then you just go, wow, how did they get there? And then you drive on and never think of it again. So then you're like, well, was there really worth


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[Assistant] Is the, is the risk of death worth me going, how did they get there?


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[Assistant] Yeah, what's, yeah, Banksy just pops up all over the world. And they've reported on the news. Like Banksy has a new. It's a big deal. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. We would do, we should do one on art. Cause I mean, there's... Yeaah. Yeaah. You could argue.


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[Assistant] I'm from Lebanon. I don't, you want to buy this art? We ain't going to do it. You don't want to buy any of this? We ain't doing it.


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[Assistant] We bought, I think I could get into the idea. I don't know, but if I had art, I would want a real painting. I don't, I don't, I would, yeah, like, uh, if you bought a Picasso or something, you buy it, just, I'm buying it, just say I have it.


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[Assistant] That guy lived. Yeah, that guy lived. Uh, yeah, I figured they're going to go after Picasso's. Like, you know, the way they cancel everything now, you don't want to buy something old.


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[Assistant] He said some things probably, and that comes out, and then you look like an idiot.


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[Assistant] I thought he would have been like, he's 400.


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[Assistant] What did he, did he, did he get paid a ton of money? Was he worth money?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Now you get it? Yeah. Now we're just, now we got so many people that are full of themselves. That's why half this art does really good. Cause someone goes, no, you don't really see it for how I see it. We just got enough of those people and there just wasn't enough. Cause back then you had to go to work. You had to get work in a farm. You're like in some, you know, your dumb teenage son wants to,


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[Assistant] Look at this painting I did. It's like, what?


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[Assistant] Setting a record. Hey, at least you get a slump. You get it. You get it in that game, you know, come out of it. You come out of it. Yeah. It got so.


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[Assistant] How many? You're not gonna say how many? Uh, 15. I mean I don't know how you don't


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's your first game you go to and you're like, this is what it is. You're like, it feels like this, but shorter usually. That's what baseball goes. It always feels like this, but it's usually not as long, but it does feel like it's never going to end. That's kind of baseball.


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[Assistant] You gotta stay, I would have definitely stayed. Yeah, you've been one of the 19? Oh, easily. You can't.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta be like, I gotta see it out, dude. Like you gotta, you know.


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[Assistant] If you have your, if you have your kids with you, then, then yeah, you, you go, you leave. I get it. And it's free, but it also be, I mean, if you get freezing.


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[Assistant] These are all names that I feel like you grew up watching.


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[Assistant] That's what it honestly looks like. And I actually kind of now think it's actually kind of perfect. I mean, I don't know how on point it's supposed to be, but it is on point.


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[Assistant] Because if you ran over a dog's face with a steamroller, it would start to look human.


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[Assistant] Yeah. See what I mean? This guy gets to, he's the same as Picasso. He's like, oh yeah, we're both artists. No, we do.


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[Assistant] Stuff a little different. He goes, have you seen my work? He goes, I have. And have you seen mine?


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[Assistant] I bet there was, no, this was a different, the longer, that longest game, I bet there was some deep talk.


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[Assistant] In that one, I mean, just some guys that goes, I don't know if I can do this anymore, you know, and then, you know, the 17th and he's like, you know what, but this is what I love to do.


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[Assistant] And so I don't see why I shouldn't write it out, you know, and then the 20 painting, like, I don't know, we just broke up. I don't know if it's going to work out. It's ridiculous.


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[Assistant] But like a steamroller, now am I crazy? What is it? Is a steamroller a train then?


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[Assistant] I mean, as steamrollers, I mean, that's, uh, who are we playing tonight? Uh, the Johnson Rakes. Like what are y'all just doing? What'd you go in a barn and just named everything that was in there?


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[Assistant] That's why you don't come out. I make you uncomfortable, dude. Yeah. I think you're unaware about what a joke is.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean the fact that you're called the Steamrollers.


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[Assistant] And you just seem like you get steamrolled the whole time.


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[Assistant] I know, but that's just a sign. It's just very funny to be like, we steamrolled them last night. Hey, what do we call the steamrollers? Cause that's what we do. And then it turns out you were the one that gets steamrolled that just anybody's there is like, I'm going to, can I, how do you activate yourself to play as a coach?


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[Assistant] He did it right before his 46th birthday. A 46 year old man is, cause I can't watch this anymore.


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[Assistant] They were wearing a suit to play in to begin with.


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[Assistant] And then he goes, 46 year old NBA game. You're like, God, he made the NBA then? You're like, no, he activated himself.


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[Assistant] Uh, but every old picture you see is always like a family that's like, your eyes are wide open. You're like, yeah, cause they're like, oh, what is that? It's like a wizard in the room. There's no like, Hey everybody, Chi. Like, it's just like, you know, they


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[Assistant] Alright. Uh, the ex-game started there. They don't use all the stuff, all the area they have. Uh, it's Serena Williams and that's about it. That's about it. There you go. Alright. Is there other? There's a few other people. We'll put in a Steffi Graf exhibit later, but.


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[Assistant] Roger Federer, I mean he's in the back room, you can talk to him if you want to talk to him. Uh, just ask him questions and stuff. He's there.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's a weird, you're like, uh, you know, another period, uh, it's a small show, something there.


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[Assistant] Cable network. Oh yea, I think I've seen it. It's shot in Rhode Island. Okay. I had more fun trying to guess what the show was.


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[Assistant] There's, alright, alright, we're- Wrap it up? Yea, we're close. Start, yea, start. Now these people have been steamrolled enough into this nonsense. Is this the stuff you don't want to get to? Is this what you're talking about?


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[Assistant] What? No. Shiva Mason's a comedian and her dad's Jackie Mason. Okay. So like the Mason family?


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[Assistant] Given an observation of the 150th anniversary of the event by Richmond and Edna Kent. What is that?


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[Assistant] May 25th, May 25th, 1826 to 1976. Wait, that elephant lived?


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[Assistant] So this is a plaque to the, this is an anniversary of the plaque.


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[Assistant] Why do they, why would they not just put the date it happened? Why do you put the, is this, you don't put an end date on a plaque that's represent, like it's going, it's basically that plaque is saying, we've celebrated this event enough.


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[Assistant] We 150 years, we've talked about this elephant. They got murdered and I'm done. We want to move on. So here's a, here's a plaque that says we did it.


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[Assistant] We've, we've given enough to this elephant. We've thought about her enough.


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[Assistant] What happened? And then someone just walks up, well what happened to the elephant? That's the person.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Why'd you bring that elephant? Well, that place I went to, you remember, you remember road grease, obviously. He goes, yes, there's a zoo there, they had an elephant. I thought let's do a zoo here. I brought an elephant because I don't know if we can even, this is the smallest state, we're not even that big of a state. Can't just throw a giant elephant in the middle of this, it went out of the room. And he goes, yeah, but I mean I brought it, I can't send it back, you know.


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[Assistant] Let me just put it out on a raft. What do you wanna do? Imma shoot it. And that's how I got shot.


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[Assistant] And we're going to memorialize it for 150 years and then that's enough. You know what? I'm not against a plaque that ends, that goes, and that's enough. We've talked about this thing and they should have more plaques that.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I like that plaque too. Good for you, Rhode Island.


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[Assistant] Whoa, whoa, whoa, he starts walking faster. If I can't stay with you, then I think we got a problem.


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[Assistant] They just have to walk alongside them. I'm starting to, I'm jogging now. And so I think you're going a little quick, don't you think?


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[Assistant] Johnny Cakes. Yeah, Johnny Cakes. That's how Johnny Cakes were made. Uh, Rhode Island. I'll be honest with you, I thought at the beginning of this, I was like, yeah boy. I mean, that second you started reading stuff, I was like, I didn't even, I think we should cancel this podcast.


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[Assistant] I mean, honestly, I was like, what on earth? Well, we gave it a try.


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[Assistant] Alright, uh, thanks everybody for listening. Uh, I wanted to say this hat, I've been wearing this hat the whole time. Wilson, uh, our boy John Augustine, uh, is a professional golfer now, signed a deal with Wilson Golf.


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[Assistant] Nice. Got a hat. Ah, that's awesome. Uh, yeah, AMX is the first golf tournament. I want to say maybe the 23rd, the week of the 20th or something, January, will be his first professional golf tournament. He's trying to, he will be trying to play good to get his, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, but yeah, they could just say California tornadoes usually don't happen in California, but the guy was pretty lazy and the story had to get out. Uh, as always, we love you guys again. Be normal. Yeah. Don't drive yourself crazy. And, uh, thank you as always. And we will talk to you next week.


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[Assistant] I have to tell you something. And I was like, okay, what is it? And I thought, gosh, here's this guy gonna tell me.


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[Assistant] It could be any number of things. I was like, what could it be? And my mind is racing. Like he's got, I don't know, something wrong with him. Something's weird in his family. Well, that's true. Just like, what could it be? And he was like, yeah.


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[Assistant] He was like, I wanna be a stand-up comedian. I was like, oh, okay, alright. Do- okay, good, do that, okay! Cause I just never heard anyone say anything to me like, I wanna be a-


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[Assistant] Singer, I wanna be a whatever, even living in Nashville, so.


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[Assistant] It sounded like a secret you had kept. Had you told anyone up to that point?


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[Assistant] That was after that. That was after you told me that. Oh. You had that job. And that's when you were like...


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[Assistant] Not right then, just because it was so new. And I was like, you should go do that.


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[Assistant] We were just dating. And I was like, you should go do that and let's, let's see how it goes.


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[Assistant] Committedly see how it goes, but see how it goes. And then, you know, Chicago's an easy flight.


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[Assistant] I had money. You know, I had money enough to fly there. I think we did it every...


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[Assistant] Three weeks or four weeks or six weeks. We had like an interim and we would alternate and it was easy because he was coming to see his family anyways. Right.


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[Assistant] It just kind of kept going and going. You know, I was like, I'm pretty persistent. So I don't know. It just.


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[Assistant] That was like a bit, that was a big deal. I was like, well, well, you know, it just, he kept making it and making it and making it. So I just have having to have conversations with myself. Like, well, he's really.


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[Assistant] He's doing this. You know, like, what am I gonna do? Where's my place in this?


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[Assistant] When you did a show and Jeremy and I came up. Jeremy Haro.


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[Assistant] Came up and watched and I was like, okay, this is funny.


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[Assistant] Yes, yeaah, just daily, you know, banter, yes.


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[Assistant] I know it's kinda like to come up here and let's see if you like New York City.


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[Assistant] Who would ever want to live in New York City? That's crazy. It's too big, it's dirty, it's...


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[Assistant] Expensive, like, who would ever live there? And then they'll like-


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[Assistant] And then he said, what happens if I was there?


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[Assistant] And he said, what happens if you don't like it? And I was like, I don't, like, I guess, like, do we break up? Like, what's the, I don't know.


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[Assistant] And then we went around and you could tell that like the vibe was cool and it was exciting. And I was like, okay, this would be exciting.


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[Assistant] But that day, actually you had the ring that day.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, no, not the first time. No. Like the time where he was like...


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[Assistant] I had gone there once before, but the time where it was like, okay, you either have to move here, you know, or you have to figure this out. We've been dating for a long time.


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[Assistant] I was in corporate, I was at the corporate office here at Applebee's. I was a marketing coordinator.


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[Assistant] So I had just gotten hired. I graduated college and that was my first job out of college. So the president of the franchise group here in middle Tennessee thought I was hilarious and crazy because I would argue with him about politics and he would be like, who is this girl? And then he hired me right away. So.


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[Assistant] That I said, I don't know, I guess we, you know, I guess we just ended. If this doesn't work out, he had the ring. I didn't know that.


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[Assistant] And so he said, I said, what are we doing today? Should I shower? And this is critical for women. This, this I'll never forgive you for. He said, no, we're not doing anything important. So just wear whatever, you know, do whatever. So I'm super casual.


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[Assistant] So I put on like jeans and a sweater. It was snowing, sleeting, snowing.


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[Assistant] And I just like barely did my hair and then he proposed on a beautiful carriage ride and had a beautiful lunch planned at the central park boat house with like champagne and like a whole thing.


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[Assistant] But you know, you're not trying to give up.


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[Assistant] You may have told me that. Yeah, I called your dad.


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[Assistant] I think we just had Cameron that got super far away, luckily for me, so.


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[Assistant] But it was a great, I mean, I was completely shocked.


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[Assistant] I thought it was like a, like a second try, you know, like okay, like this is...


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[Assistant] And then I thought it would come after, somehow. Yeah, completely.


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[Assistant] Okay, that makes sense. So I just thought, yeaah. Yeaah. Completely shocked.


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[Assistant] I would say my dad was like measured, but he's a, he's a retired military person, a lieutenant colonel from the army and he's a preacher. So I think he thinks, you know, money is not the end all be all for him.


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[Assistant] So, it didn't really matter about money for him.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he still loves him. Cause he loves that dry humor. He's a David Letterman kind of fan.


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[Assistant] She is kind of an old school company, so it has to be super jokey, so.


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[Assistant] She, uh, she thinks date is funny, but she's-


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[Assistant] I think she was the most skeptical of the bunch though. Yeah. And so I think my cousin gives it to her to, to answer the next question. Like the, I told you, you know, like,


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[Assistant] Where after we moved back to New, uh, to Nashville is when he told me that.


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[Assistant] He's the one that really kind of calmed, he went on his own to Zanies and saw you at some point later.


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[Assistant] And he said, he called my dad on the phone and said, don't you worry about her. It's gonna be fun.


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[Assistant] And I don't know if my dad was at all, but you know, he was just saying like, he's really good. Like she's going to be okay.


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[Assistant] I think it was about being in New York and I saw like a lot of New York comedians just performing in New York and kind of like getting in a little bit of a comfortable spot.


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[Assistant] And I thought, how many years would you just perform in New York and not actually start kind of to branch out and tour?


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[Assistant] Cause I just didn't want to be in New York that long. Cause I was like, oh god, this way. You know, it kind of starts to wear on you a little bit.


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[Assistant] And we were broke at that point and it, you know, New York's not that fun if you don't have...


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[Assistant] Some spending cash. We probably have lots of stories about being broken.


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[Assistant] I was in marketing, so I did a bunch of kind of small marketing jobs and then someone gave me, I saw an ad in a paper.


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[Assistant] And it was for an event planner. So that's really what, I just saw this job and I was like, that's what I want to do. And I got hired and past that I was golden because it was a travel job and I had my own fun and it was late, you know, late nights and so.


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[Assistant] I didn't ever have to like wait on him to get home or anything because I had my own thing going on.


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[Assistant] Yeah, any concern that I had, I kept to myself. Just because it, I knew it wasn't helpful.


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[Assistant] Well, just any, like, day to day, like, where's this guy? You know, just any concern, any personal thought. I just knew it wasn't helpful, so why say it?


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[Assistant] You know, why bring that up and kind of discuss like details that either may or may not come true. So just drop it and see where it goes. I don't get credit for that either.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. I think I was like, yes, what time are we packing?


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[Assistant] Cause we also had enough money to like put a down payment on a house finally here versus California. We were saving, saving, saving.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I worked at a hedge fund actually in New York City and so when they offered me the bonus, a hedge fund bonus.


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[Assistant] And it's a good time. Like people, people don't think about it enough. I've heard it time and time again that people go to Zanies and they're like, why don't I do this all the time?


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[Assistant] Because they have fun with their friends or girlfriends or a first date. That's right.


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[Assistant] Really great first date. Because if your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't laugh, or depending on what they laugh at, you could be like, this person's not for me.


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[Assistant] Like the club I was going to be at last. Yea, I would come on the weekends because I obviously had to work. And then stay at one place and he could go. Yea, like James, Carla. And there would be other wives, yea, there would be other wives or girlfriends there who were super fun and hang out with him and then.


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[Assistant] A lot, because she was our neighbor too. They found our apartment. I'm sure you've told that story.


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[Assistant] They were great. She's an awesome cook and he's a lot of fun. Obviously we're best friends. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And Jay was married at the time. He had a child, which, uh, loved her. And so it just.


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[Assistant] I started throwing up. And my mom was like, get out of the house, get out of the house. And I was like, Jay, are you home?


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[Assistant] Can you take me to the hospital? And Carla said, don't take her anywhere but Long Island Jewish. And so he took me all the way out to Long Island to that hospital and I was okay. I'm still alive.


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[Assistant] So he would have, I never had any doubt that our life would work out, whether he chose not to do comedy or kept, found a job or some other career path.


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[Assistant] But, he's a worker. His whole, his whole family is just dedicated.


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[Assistant] To working, just like my family. You know, they're not lazy, they don't have a lazy bone in their body.


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[Assistant] So driven, motivated workers. So we would have done some, you know, any.


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[Assistant] What do you call that when someone picks at someone? A humor. What kind of humor is that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so I pick at people and that's my love. Like if I'm picking on you, I love you. So him picking on me or saying things about me is like, oh, he loves me.


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[Assistant] Hey, you should let me be whatever I want to be. Cause then you could just have-


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's always been fun. There was one time a friend of yours came. The Sons came.


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[Assistant] Ashley and she goes, Oh, he just said he wanted to murder you. And I was like, he doesn't mean it. He's not really going to murder me. So it's fun. Like she was like, Oh,


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[Assistant] I can recognize it from other people, but not from us. Like if, you know, you guys are his mom and him are, I'm like, oh, it's going to be a joke. But if it's me, I'm more in the moment.


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[Assistant] So, he is very analytical. I'm very observant.


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[Assistant] A lot of fun, but day to day, you know, you're talking about a fence, a house, who's paying this bill?


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[Assistant] I tell people that if a comedian does voices, then they're probably a lot of fun, like in real life. Cause then they're kind of like goofy.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So he's, he's, he can be fun. I don't know what I mean. I don't live with him. So, but when I see him, he's gregarious and fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same thing. People ask your mom the same thing, and she has the same answer. Like, yeaah, he's very quiet. Unless you get him, you know, talking about comedy or magic or sports or, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try to be calm through it, try to jump in where I can. He has to get it out.


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[Assistant] It's because I also have to do that with Harper. She'll go on rants about her own stuff. So I've already been like, uh huh, yes. Okay. Really? No. Uh huh.


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[Assistant] You have big things. If I want to big yes. You have big ticket items.


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[Assistant] You're good. You're not like, you know, I've heard people are like, oh, he's constantly buying this or that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that also keeps you occupied when you're touring. So when you're not touring, that's when I get a little antsy.


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[Assistant] Cause then you're like, looking at things and thinking about things.


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[Assistant] Part of part, like, she gets bored, something's being added on. A pool's coming, a deck is coming, a new room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Nate is a completely different person I feel like than I first met.


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[Assistant] But not in the good old boys sense, like shooting and hunting and all that. But just like simple. Just like a wholesome.


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[Assistant] And it, it just like moving to New York and getting a career and getting older and getting wiser and he's just kind of come into his own. So imagine kind of like, I don't know, he's become a man, like in a, you know, everyone changes, I feel like, but his has come really full circle. He's just so wise and intelligent.


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[Assistant] Way more than I ever gave him credit for at first.


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[Assistant] You know, he knows how to use words and he talks. He can talk things out. He can talk. If I have a problem with Harper that really needs like a long reasonable explanation, I call him because his family, Abby, your mom, not really your dad, Derek, you guys are all like big talkers. If you get a text message,


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[Assistant] It's a half a, you know, it's the whole phone long. I could never even.


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[Assistant] Two sentences tops for me. I'm like, yes, no, you know, and they're just good with their words. They're very wise and very heartfelt. So I feel like simple to like extremely complex, but I don't think there's like a good or bad.


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[Assistant] Cause I don't have that. I'm pretty, I'm very simple, very calm, very not complex. Just like this table.


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[Assistant] That was crazy and the New Year's Eve celebration.


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[Assistant] The Jimmy Fallon Grammy party. Was it a Grammy party? I think Emmy. That was crazy. Cause we really, you, you didn't even feel kind of


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[Assistant] And so we just stood in the middle of the room and we were kind of dancing and trying to, and you know, he knew a couple of people. You knew David Spade.


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[Assistant] You know, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, everybody around us and that we're dancing at the end and Eric Stonestreet was actually there.


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[Assistant] You knew the show, but you weren't as into it at that point.


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[Assistant] But I high-fived him and I thought, oh god, that's so crazy. And who, uh, Bill Maher was dancing.


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[Assistant] Joe Walsh's birthday party, that was crazy. Yea, so a lot. Yea. A lot of stuff.


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[Assistant] And to be fair, it's during COVID. And so generally you golf during regular people's workout.


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[Assistant] You know, nine to four, whatever, you know, actually not nine to four, but you know, whatever time.


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[Assistant] So you're gone during the middle of the day, which is no problem, especially she's in school. I help you with this podcast and other stuff. So I'm busy.


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[Assistant] So it's like you go to work and you come home. So it's, and we have one child that can easily.


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[Assistant] Pick up and drop off one child. If we had two, it might be a little more difficult with activities and stuff like that, so.


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[Assistant] Crazy, but their husbands go into an office and work all day. So it's about the same thing. His job is other hours of the day. You know, he doesn't start taking phone calls until four o'clock.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like buying things or building things or we would have an airplane or he would be taking flying lessons. So it would be something.


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[Assistant] He, he had him full hook, line and sinker. We were getting him playing. I was like, oh my gosh.


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[Assistant] My stepbrother flies, so I think we could lean on him to be a pilot. He's about to retire sometime.


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[Assistant] I mean the dog medicine story is probably the closest thing to reality.


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[Assistant] That, I mean, that literally happened like that. Except the milk jug. That would be silly to put all the milk in it.


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[Assistant] I mean, I worked in a restaurant for a long time.


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[Assistant] I mean to this day, I smeary lotions, uh, shampoos if it's not all the way gone.


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[Assistant] Nothing can be wasted. No, I have, yeaah, nothing expires. Definitely not dog medicine. Definitely not people medicine.


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[Assistant] No, uh, food. I mean, eggs I could go over. Milk, no. Milk definitely. I mean, if it has a smell, it's more like medicine and lotions and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] So that one, that one you had was really pretty. That was- Was that weird though, seeing someone playing you? It was so weird. Well, that was completely my fault. Well, my fault and your fault. So he said, why don't we just use our own names?


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[Assistant] He thought it was very nice and like a, like a. My dad loved it. Oh yeah, he loved it. My dad loved it.


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[Assistant] Like I didn't really realize it cause he kinda talked me into it. This is where you have to really kinda be strong with Nate and trust your gut.


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[Assistant] I was like, I don't know, that doesn't sound good. Like you're gonna look at a lady and call her me and it's gonna be on TV.


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[Assistant] And then when I saw the pilot recorded, I had just like a lump in my throat. I was like, this is not good. You know, it just kind of hit me like you're looking at a person.


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[Assistant] As if they're your wife and you're an actor, you have to really sell it. So, and he's a way good actor. Like, I can't believe that television show never got me. But it was really good. And I was just like, oh no.


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[Assistant] I have never, I mean it was in my, I had to like stop it from coming out.


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[Assistant] Yeah, kind of. But there's not, there's not a person I would select or not select. I mean, I would prefer like an ugly person.


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[Assistant] Just to play me. The opposite. Cause you feel like he's not the opposite of what most people want. He wants like a hot nanny. If you pick a hot nanny, you're dumb. Right?


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[Assistant] I think you have to decide before you get fully committed that you're willing to see it both directions, bad or good.


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[Assistant] And just know that you could do both. I know you can't know that. I know things will happen, but I just think you need to like, just do your own thing. Just be your own person.


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[Assistant] If you want a bunch of money, go make it. You can make all the money you want. You don't have to depend on him to make the money for you.


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[Assistant] You may have to have less children or like less time with your family. You know, you may have to sacrifice to get what you want, but.


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[Assistant] It always doesn't have to be on the man, I don't think.


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[Assistant] Oh, if you wanna like, hold the, like, the balance of power.


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[Assistant] It does change. The power changes and you have to be-


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[Assistant] I don't think you can be ridiculous. I mean, if the person is not making a lot and spending a lot.


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[Assistant] That's not cool. I mean, everything has to be reciprocal and like reasonable. I'm not saying like, oh yeah, you're just, you know, you're just shelling out money for the guy for him to go do. I think there would be.


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[Assistant] I think there would be a point where you could see the person's not gonna succeed maybe.


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[Assistant] You know, until you, until I got a great, good job. So you did work. So if the person can work and


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[Assistant] You know, work nights if you want to do this job that pays nothing. So go work at Pizza Hut or.


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[Assistant] Deliver whatever. I don't think she'd make no money and no effort. Then that would be a deal breaker. But if the person's motivated, then you should be supportive.


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[Assistant] Not so much, just cause it was, it was one. One is, one is okay.


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[Assistant] I would say a little bit, but, you know, I got to her.


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[Assistant] So he made the sacrifice for us to have a more enjoyable life. So that was good.


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[Assistant] She, she sees other dads home, you know, and she gets a little teary eyed about that. So and so has their dad home.


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[Assistant] And I'm not frazzled. So I'm not like at my wits end when he comes home and throw, you know, throwing kids at him saying like, I've had enough, you know, I can manage one. It's, you know, that's very manageable for one person.


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[Assistant] Okay, I wanna know how this person knows this. Did you talk about this on a podcast or something?


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[Assistant] We had, we were friends at Applebee's and we, everybody was going out, because it's Applebee's, you go out after work. And so we had gone out after work, just friends. You know, maybe like, oh, that's cute, whatever. But.


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[Assistant] He put in the Little Mermaid soundtrack and told his friends to like shush-shush, um, listening to this song. And I was like, if anyone can put in.


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[Assistant] The Little Mermaid soundtrack and shush a bunch of 20 year olds, you know, 20 plus year olds.


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[Assistant] To be quiet while he sings it, I thought that was like totally confident.


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[Assistant] And like, you're your own person. These people don't, you know, tell you what to do. I thought that was cool. I mean, not cool, but like cute, cool.


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[Assistant] To hold their own. I love that. Disney, Disney has such good music. Yeah. And that probably his little sister listened to it a million times and that just said that he would listen to something she listens to. It was cute.


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[Assistant] I feel like I could, I mean I could eat three in a sitting. Three to four. You wouldn't eat it, you would be like it's gross.


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[Assistant] Right. It's like abbreviations, a very long word to describe something that's short.


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[Assistant] It's hard to imagine that much of the country agreeing on something.


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[Assistant] It's kind of a sweet moment when somebody opens up about stories like this, cause they're like...


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[Assistant] And he said he tried to chase it. I mean, this guy's insane. He ran after it.


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[Assistant] He's very anti credit card, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Big things.


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[Assistant] That seems a little theatrical. Why can't you just throw it away?


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[Assistant] I just, I'm on my first ever credit card. It's a good time.


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[Assistant] You just got it now. I got one of the, yeah, like two years ago. Yeah. I've had a debit card, but a credit card is my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. For a couple years. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I feel powerful in it, to be honest. This is what having a credit card will do.


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[Assistant] What a lean is? Isn't a lean where the government takes it from you?


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[Assistant] You can do it on a story. We can do one.


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[Assistant] So this is a dumb question for people that don't play golf. What's the difference between a scramble and just playing golf?


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[Assistant] He's willing to hurt his relationship with his son, just to have the best team.


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[Assistant] You'd be the guy, like the equipment manager they put in for one minute at the end of the season. You could have been that guy.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it's not that inspirational of a story in my opinion.


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[Assistant] No, I'm just saying it's like one of the, you hear that growing up. Oh, Michael Jordan got cut from the team and then you find out, no, he really didn't.


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[Assistant] No, I'm not disappointed in him. I'm just saying I don't like that the story became that he was wronged in this big way.


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[Assistant] I mean, maybe a year ago? The last dance? Did they talk about it in the last dance? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Maybe. I don't think anything Michael Jordan's ever done has affected my life in any way, but it just, it hurt a little bit to know that that story wasn't a lie.


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[Assistant] I feel bad for that coach. How was he supposed to know that this kid was going to be the best basketball player ever, you know?


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[Assistant] Would your dad have put him on varsity over you?


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[Assistant] In a game of one-on-one, I think I could take an 11 year old Jordan.


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[Assistant] I bet you couldn't. I think 12 years old, he's got me beat. I think I could take it.


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[Assistant] And he grew five inches over the next year. So he was probably, you know, eight, nine years old. He's probably pretty tall.


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[Assistant] He's probably 20 years away from losing to me. 70. He had to get into his 70s. He literally had to be in a wheelchair. And he probably still beat me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I've got the data here. Do you think there are more men or women?


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[Assistant] 2016, they, they did a, they found two, 2040 weather casters of those 2040.


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[Assistant] 1400 were men and 600 were women. It's almost, they outnumber them almost three to one. Men do.


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[Assistant] But I will say when I think of a weather person, I do think of a woman in front of the green screen pointing at stuff.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's right. That's right. Um, wait, Dolly, Dollywood was sold out.


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[Assistant] I was at zany's this weekend with a preacher Lawson. It's fun. Did some shows. It was a good time. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Watch Notre Dame. Big win. Big win. Maybe the biggest Notre Dame win of my lifetime. Yea. Really?


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[Assistant] That's true. Without their star quarterback. But, I was thinking about it. Yea, it probably is the biggest Notre Dame win.


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[Assistant] 1988, three years before I was born.


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[Assistant] That's nuts too. So that's the biggest win. So it was pretty sweet.


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[Assistant] It's a big thing. If you walk around campus at like 3 in the morning, you'll see people. It's just when people walk back to their dorms drunk.


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[Assistant] From the bars, if you see a bike out, you just throw it up in a tree.


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[Assistant] Hilarious if you don't have a bike. I imagine if you have a bike, it's pretty frustrating. If you walk around campus in the morning, you'll just see bikes everywhere and trees. Wow.


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[Assistant] Well, they're tough to get down. He put them up pretty high. My buddy had a, uh, one of those two seat bikes, tandem bikes. That's probably tough to get up there.


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[Assistant] Even his roommate, they lived off campus, they'd ride to campus. Wow. On a tandem bike. They're on the rugby team.


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[Assistant] Be like Bass Pro Shops at Opry Mills, sort of the staple of the mall. Maybe you got to walk through it to get into the mall. One of those places.


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[Assistant] The mall walkers would show up early in big, big groups.


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[Assistant] If you can avoid words like that, I usually try to.


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[Assistant] But do you have that moment too, when you're in there? I had it. I was just in one where you're like, man, there's like a, it's a Lego store right outside this comedy club right now. It's a little strange.


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[Assistant] I went to one in Canada. There's an ice skating rink in the middle and they just had like a youth hockey game inside the mall. Yeah. And everybody would gather around and watch it. Oh, yeah. This is, yeah, this felt like the cultural hub of the city almost. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Now, Brian, what did you say? You said that's a glamour shot? You said that's best, that's best case. Come on.


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[Assistant] I did a fashion show in high school once. I mean, come on. I mean, it was, there's this tux company and they did a fashion show. They get seniors to wear their tuxes and do a fashion show. And then you got a discount for your prom tux. I remember this woman, the woman that ran the tux place, she gave me.


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[Assistant] It's one of those tucks where like the jacket is super long. I look like Penguin from Batman. Like that penguin. Who?


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[Assistant] The point is it was a ridiculous looking suit that they had me in.


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[Assistant] And I felt super, I mean it looked, yeaah, it looked like that.


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[Assistant] Well, here's what happened. I was so self-conscious about the length of this coat that I went and found another guy and I traded jackets. So I've mismatched the jacket. So I had like the normal suit and then this white, it looks so stupid. That lady was furious at me. She's furious.


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[Assistant] Not for prom. You just gotta model this, just walk out. It was so stupid.


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[Assistant] No, she still gave me the discount. She was, she, but she was so mad that I did that. She was like, that's the whole point is that you're supposed to. And, uh, anyway.


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[Assistant] We gotta find a clip where they actually say it.


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[Assistant] I saw that. They have a whole guide on how to start mall walking. It's uh, it's CDC approved.


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[Assistant] Activity for old people because there's no, you're not, there's no traffic. You're not going to get run over by a car. It's indoors, you know.


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[Assistant] I was going to say, I kind of feel like I caught the tail end of that, because I don't know if kids were hanging out in malls when I was in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember a little bit of it when I was in middle school,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Much of a thing. And I was here in Nashville, we have a good mall here in Auburn Mills.


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[Assistant] What are we, at it's peak? When you say mall, it's- I'm talking about what you think of, indoor. A large enclosure with different stores inside. I'm gonna get in America, or I would say $2,500.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And definitely not helped by what's going on now, right? Yeah, it's definitely speeding it up.


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[Assistant] What do you think that these malls are going to have to rethink? They're going to have to do more events like, like you were talking about. Stuff going on inside the mall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I'll go to the store with the intention of let me learn about or try on the product.


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[Assistant] And then I'll buy it online at cheaper price, but I'm just impatient. I always end up just buying it there. Don't you wanna try it on?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm bad about it, man. If I'm in a checkout aisle at a store, dude, I had to start looking around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll start, maybe I'll read this magazine, you know, get it.


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[Assistant] If you do it, if it looks good, you know, by a little word search book or something.


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[Assistant] Opry Mills is pretty crowded, but, but you still walk past stores and they're just like, I don't know if anybody's been in there all week. Yeah. You know, it's just how are these places making money?


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[Assistant] Let's go to a Louis Vuitton store somewhere.


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[Assistant] I remember I went to the mall with my grandpa once. We had no idea where we had parked and we walked around for hours looking for this car. Hours? Wow. Yeaah. Around the Montgomery Mall, which doesn't even exist anymore.


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[Assistant] We were just walking around the perimeter trying to find it. I remember that.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I don't like that at all. Why? That sounds like one of those things where they're tracking you and then they're, they're convincing you that it's for some greater. Oh, we're actually doing it to help you. It's like, no, they're just keeping track of where every car is. For what reason?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, they just want to know where you are. You know, they can keep track of when you're there, what time, you know.


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[Assistant] You don't think they're benefiting from that knowledge in any way?


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[Assistant] Somebody says, who is they? I'm like, maybe I made a mistake with this argument.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's crazy to think that a large corporation that owns a shopping complex


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[Assistant] I believe that. Yeah, a lot of scent marketing going on in malls in particular because they're indoors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of smells can get trapped inside like they can't other places. So we're just being manipulated in so many ways. Like food or other stuff? It's just sensory overload. Food, food especially.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you start to smell Cinnabon. That is by design. Cinnabon puts ingredients.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want it to get out and it increases their sales by, you know, a huge percentage. They have ingredients in their cinnamon rolls that are only there to increase the smell of it. And then they, they put the, the uh, the ovens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's in all the, all the cinnamon. They have ingredients in there just designed to increase the smell of cinnamon. And they put those ovens right in front so everybody smells them. Some places they'll go to vending machines and they'll take like little strips of artificially


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] chocolate smells and put it there by the vending machine. So you walk up to a vending machine, you start to smell chocolate and that'll increase the Hershey's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Starbucks, you like Starbucks. Starbucks has a, they have an Aroma Task Force. They have a division at the company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have a division of the company designed. Now look, they don't have anything on their website about. Oh, I'm not saying that. Yeah, I didn't think that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not the best vehicle for this information. I'm realizing Starbucks, they have a division of their company. They have people whose sole purpose is to, is to work on the scent in these places. Because if, if, if they weren't manipulating the smell and a Starbucks at all, it would just smell like cheese from the, from the breakfast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm not, I'm not again, I'm not saying it's an evil thing. I'm just saying that's what I think of when I go into a mall. It's just sensory overload. We're being manipulated in all these ways because it's influencing customer behavior. You know, even the music, when you go into a mall, there are companies, I used to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of them, when I worked at a marketing company, they were one of my clients. They would make playlists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they argued would drive customer behavior in a certain way. They said, we've got this playlist built out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That if you play this at your store, people will buy this kind of food. Because it's just, you know, if you get a pulse going or something, it's crazy the ways that we're being manipulated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they told people not to donate their clothes to Goodwill because they didn't want ugly and poor people wearing their clothes after the, and I remember looking it up and their CEO is one of the most weird looking people. There he is. That guy doesn't want ugly people wearing his clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. That's the Abercrombie fish guy. I think he looks nice. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entrancing. I've never heard entrancing used like that. It puts you in a trance. It puts you in a trance. Hey go entrancing is a word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I think some people, my guess is there are people that they're just seasonal workers. They're Santas. And then that's kind of the job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking a little more, maybe $10 an hour, a little more minimum wage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what's still appealing about a mall is there's no other...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you the one thing I'm snobby about is I walk up and down escalators.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they're meant to be, I think that's the whole point, is that they're meant to be walked up like stairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're holding a bag or suitcase or something, I get it, but if you're just walking, like at a mall, I'll walk up and down it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just so funny to me, you'll see people walking super fast at an airport and then they get to the escalator and you just stop. And I'm like, you can just keep walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm headlining the Stardome this Thursday night in Birmingham, Alabama. So that's tomorrow. What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got a great mall there, the Galleria and then Oh Fallon, Missouri. I'm headlining back door comedy club right outside St. Louis. We're just there. We're just there on the drive in torso.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda just keep throwing it out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't take me too seriously anyway, cause I joke around and stuff like that. Make it easier. Once in a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll get in a deep discussion about it. My kids don't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife doesn't believe it, but I've scared her enough where she will not sleep in a tent on a camping trip. So she, she has reservations, you know, just, just in case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta just be like, I believe in it. You might get banished faster if you just jump in. Yeah. Oh, from the conversation. Yeah, that's true. They might.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things rot kind of quick out there, but you find all kinds of bones out, you know, deer heads and things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing that that factors in is if this is true and if like the aliens are true, why isn't there any physical evidence? And the thing I keep bumping up against is there are forces at work that don't want anybody to have the physical evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, supposedly at Roswell, there was, you know, hundreds of yards of stuff laying around. And then you hear that there was, they cordoned the whole place off and they had, you know, hundreds of privates out there picking up every little scrap of it.


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[Assistant] And then you hear stories about the men in black or whatever, just coming to people's houses and taking whatever they've got.


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[Assistant] I don't think this thing could be believable if there wasn't an active element of suppression.


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[Assistant] Yeah, because you know, I'd say the same thing. It's like, well, where's the evidence? Where's the, uh, the videotape, uh, where's, you know, a body or something like that. And I've heard stories about people that have shot them, but they've, they've left them somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a story about these two guys that were fishing and it seems like Bigfoot's very territorial about fishing areas and, uh, they're fishing and this Bigfoot throws like a bowling ball size rock at them. And it really ticked off one of the guys.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and he, they made a beeline for this guy and they start throwing rocks and stuff at him. At the Bigfoot. At the Bigfoot. Which they thought was a, a black man in a.


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[Assistant] A very furry coat or something. There seems to be a little bit of a racial angle to it.


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[Assistant] And the guy had some busted ribs and they went to the hospital.


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[Assistant] And all these authorities descend on them, you know, uh, natural resource people, state troopers, all this stuff. And they're trying to tell their story.


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[Assistant] And constantly, and you hear this all the time whenever you're confronting the authorities about Bigfoot, is they said, you saw a bear. And this guy'll go,


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[Assistant] I know what I saw. It wasn't a bear. You saw a bear. No, it wasn't. You saw a bear. It went back and forth. So, uh, the guy got treated at the hospital, so the story goes, and, uh,


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[Assistant] They got released and, uh, the guy wouldn't shut up about it. And I don't know, some suits, guys in suits or something, just warn them, you know, things are going to get bad for you if you don't shut up.


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[Assistant] And, uh, they had a business and the phones were going crazy and their credit was going crazy and there was no record of them at the hospital. And it just sounds like if, if you get too vocal about it, some something's going to start intervening and, uh,


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[Assistant] Well, this is where I'm hooked in. I listen to these podcasts. God help us podcasts.


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[Assistant] I figured, well, there's obviously no evidence. So I'm going to listen to everybody's story. You know, if you're a detective and you have no physical evidence, you're going to get as many stories as you can and many, as many views on things possible and compare them and see if they hold water.


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[Assistant] And I've listened to hundreds and hundreds, like 300 of these.


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[Assistant] Like there's, can I mention the name of the podcast? One's called, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, Sasquatch Chronicles. Okay. And, uh, I think there's another one out there. Uh, I'll get to this other subject. Anyway.


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[Assistant] I like listening to somebody in their own voice who's an eyewitness has gone through this stuff.


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[Assistant] And it's very convincing and I'm thinking, okay, I'm about 300 people into this stuff. Teachers, policemen, ex-military guys, farmers, all telling these stories. And, uh,


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[Assistant] I'm going, if these guys were all lying, somebody hired 300 people, gave them acting lessons. Yes. To tell these really convincing stories. Yeah. And I'm going, well, what's the probabilities of that?


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[Assistant] So that's how I keep, you know, getting pulled into it.


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[Assistant] Right, they got nothing really to gain unless they're just attention freaks, which is what people say they are, but I don't get that impression at all. And you're kind of using your own judgment.


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[Assistant] You know, ehm, am I a good enough judge of character that I could tell when somebody's lying? And okay, if I listen to 20 people.


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[Assistant] Maybe they all were lying and I just, they, they goofed on me.


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[Assistant] But you get to a hundred, you get to two hundred people and you go, you know, my lie detector isn't that bad. If two or three of these guys are telling the truth out of hundreds, it's real.


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[Assistant] They don't find them. I kind of hope in a way they don't find them.


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[Assistant] Which we could talk about, you know, what would the impact, what's the motivation for the suppression if there is a suppression?


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[Assistant] And I think it's just, it upsets the apple cart too much. It's like, okay, here's a fairly intelligent creature on another evolutionary track that, that, that's here. You know, how does that fit into the story of Ruth?


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[Assistant] Now there is this thing called, uh, gigantopithecus.


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[Assistant] And, uh, there's like about three varieties of them. One is really big. He's like 10 foot tall, you know, 500 plus pounds.


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[Assistant] This is back in history. Okay. And all they have on this thing are molars.


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[Assistant] Some guy found these big molars in a Chinese, uh, herbalist store. Now they had the smaller bones and smaller molars and stuff, but then, then this guy came across these big things and extrapolated, well, this thing's got to be gigantic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but there were little ones where maybe there's a couple of rib bones and a jaw bone or something, but all they have on this really big one are these giant molars.


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[Assistant] Uh, so the prototype for this thing exists in the fossil record.


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[Assistant] So it's not like, oh, you know, we're talking about the Loch Ness Monster or something. This is something that we've got evidence has existed. And that, and we keep finding new things. The little, uh, the little, uh, what do they call it? The Hobbit.


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[Assistant] You have one of those in your pocket. You're like, I brought one of those in my. I've seen some of my daughter has adopted a dog that could pass for Chupacabra because it's so mangy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, let's, well there's an angle for you. If Bigfoot exists.


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[Assistant] He survived us. And people wonder why it's so hard to find him and why he's so worry and everything. Cause all the other stuff, you know, the Cro-Magnon guys and a lot of the Neanderthal guys aren't around anymore. And it's probably because we competed with him.


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[Assistant] They had a whole regatta of uh, yachts go up the whole lot.


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[Assistant] You know where to look for them. They went down the whole thing and they made a line and they all had sonar on these yachts. And they were spaced apart and they went from one end to another. And I think the story goes that they saw some big shape move.


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[Assistant] You know, that could all be, I don't know if that's substantiated or anything, but that would be the logical thing to do. And speaking of that, there's a group in Arkansas,


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[Assistant] And, uh, I think it's called the North American wood ape research thing or something. And they are putting time and effort into, uh.


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[Assistant] There's an area in the Ozarks they believe is a hotspot. They've had their little sightings and stuff. So they got this valley where there's this choke point where they know all the game goes through and they figure they do too. So they're stringing a whole string of


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[Assistant] These trail camps. They haven't done it all yet. This is still going on.


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[Assistant] I don't think they're gonna find anything, because I think these things have scouts, and I think they know every time you come into their area, they know that you're putting these things on the trees.


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[Assistant] You hear lots of stories about hunters and you say, I've hunted in this area for 20 years and I've never seen anything until this one day.


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[Assistant] Yeah, lots of hunters will say, I've been out there 20 years, I've never seen anything. But then you get the hunter says, I've been out there 20 years and then one day I saw clear as day. So this thing is elusive, you know, but.


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[Assistant] We were walking our dogs a couple of months back. Really late. I think it was like three.


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[Assistant] And, uh, all of a sudden we come across these two coyotes, young ones, and they were, they're really just mostly black, just, and there was such a feeling of, this is a wild,


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[Assistant] It's just so unusual to see. And then, and after I saw that, I said, well, this is how it is. You know, you're walking through your life, you never see anything. And then one day you stumble across something and your mind's blown.


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[Assistant] And a lot of these people, when they tell their stories, when they get to the juicy parts where they're scared out of their minds, you can hear it in their voice. You know, they're starting to break up. There's actually one guy, I think he has a, uh,


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[Assistant] I think it's shut off now, but it was called Crypto PTSD.


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[Assistant] Was a forum for people to tell their stories. And most of them say, I'm so.


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[Assistant] I actually named my dog Yody. Yody? Because when we got him, he looked like a little coyote. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But then he built bulked up and now he's probably why they were freaking out.