[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Losing his status as the best basketball player in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And ever since then, a few people have come along and been, uh, big underarm throwers. Anyway, the whole podcast is about it. It's really interesting, but it basically shows how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the bandwagon effect I guess it is of this swinging wildly between one idea and another. And all it takes is enough, you know, certain people have low thresholds where they're very flexible and willing to change. Uhm, and I'm sure in basketball a lot of people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. So I think that, you know, it's, I think it is interesting how stuff like that, like possibly some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this dream vision you have? What do you do? What do you mean? You've got an office overlooking Central Park. You're a B-Shock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's probably more, it's probably only about 30 years old, so yea, this re-envisioning of Lex Lut- I don't think he's like an underworld mob boss, he's kind of this, in plain sight, CEO, evil billionaire, isn't he? He's like, uhm, he's like a Elon. He's like a bad Elon. Elon. Elon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, that's hilarious. It doesn't mean anything to, to, oh I love it. That is, that was something, that was a thing of beauty. That was beautiful, yeah. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I might get back into it, actually. I've been meaning to, cause I've got the Jeremy Clarkson gut growing. Nah, you're not, you look grand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, it does see you. No problem. No problem. I dunno, it gives me a good, it, it's relaxed, it relaxes my mind. It's nice. Being in very loose fitting clothing. Right. Yeah. I know it's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm glad I tickle you. It's nice. Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. It's nice to hear. I had a very positive week. I saw Simon for the first time in six weeks and we recorded a peculiar portion. He's actually fine. He weirdly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's been, cause he's been streaming so much, uhm, playing Final Fantasy and all sorts of other games with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] with folks. He's actually been, I think, not, not, not happy, but obviously better than, um, you know, cause I think it was, initially in the lockdown it was quite lonely for him. Oh yeaah. Because he's limited sort of, he felt like he was a bit more vulnerable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, shit, though, uh, so it was good, though, we, uh, we, we did a peculiar portion, which will be a podcast. We're actually sort of re-re-engaging peculiar portions to be more of a podcast now. Oh, right, okay. Uh, which will be part of our pickaxe network. Oh, yeah. Of good podcasts. Oh, great. Yeah. Uh, that will be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We might get Spiff to do a podcast, I'm interested in doing a little podcast with Spiff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the tax is always enough. Spiff's always looking for an exploit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's something to do with moving your channel over to another email or something and it just deletes the channel or something, doesn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the world of YouTube and that. Anyway, there's some interesting stuff in the works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully there'll be some, some good stuff to show off in future. Yeaah. Some good podcasts to do. I'm recommending people outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're back. Triforce is back with a vengeance. That's right, baby. You heard it here first. See you next time, everybody! Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The machine, the animal himself, and he's like, yeaah, night after night. He's gotta fuckin' be there, he's gotta turn it on, he's gotta deliver a mind-melting weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, if you think about musical instruments, I know that, um, Jean, uh, our eldest, she, um, she, she played the cello for a couple of years at school. Uhm, but neither myself nor Mrs. F play any kind of musical instruments, like I think Mrs. F played the violin or something when she was at school, but none of her, none of her parents. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what I'm saying, like, if you think about it, that all those, all those musicians say, yeah, you know, my dad was a guitarist and my mom sang, there was always a lot of music around the house and stuff. If she came home with her cello, she was playing and I was playing and Mrs. F was singing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I can't help her. It's boring practicing on your own, just playing the fucking cello day in day out. So she quit. And I thought, that's fair enough, because I would have done the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I have some friends of mine who are really into sailing and, and, um, surfing. And all their kids are great swimmers and sailors and surfers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That game to me sounds like the worst thing ever. And you're saying it's your game of the year. I'm saying it's very rare that we agree on a game. I'm happy to say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hadn't played that before, I owned it, but I'd never loaded it up for some reason. Loving that, really enjoying that, I think that's a really fun game. Uh, what else have I played this year that I enjoyed? It's like four years old. Yeah, no, exactly, I'm just super late to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but can I just, in defense of myself, there is a reason for that. It's not that I'm a creature of habit when it comes to specific games, it's just that I don't find a lot of games that are actually good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I do find a game that I really like, I'm like, this is it. So for example, this year, Teardown was my game of the year. I absolutely fucking loved it. I think it might have come out last year. But I think I played it this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played Hell Let Loose, uh, Hearts of Iron of course, Golf with Your Friends, which was, uh, well, frustrating. That's not a new game. I played, uh, Humankind, closed beta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] U-Boat, that was, uh, that's good, that's always getting patched. Griftlands finally came out, I think, for release, that was good. Tainted Grail was quite fun, I played some FTL, again, great game. Tear Down, of course, uh, played Out of the Park Baseball 22, which will be of interest to about three people who listen to the book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was fun. I played Slay the Spire, of course, it's a classic game. Voxel Tycoon, which I'm waiting on that getting good, but I see some potential there, I quite like that. I dipped into Banner Saga a bit, but I got swayed off that by other things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sherlock Holmes Crime and Punishment, we finally finished that. Played XCOM 2 again, of course. Uhm, I played Moving Out with You. I remember that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to play stone shard, but it's brutal because if you die, it undoes like an hour of work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, but that's it, I would go the other way and say that you are a creature of obsession, but that obsession lasts for a week, and then that's it. I'll see you literally streaming one thing, but like you're binge watching a series, and that is that game, and you're like uuuh, and you're all over it, and then you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does. It happens on Reddit. There's a, there's Hale Corporate as a subreddit that shows Reddit posts that are literally, hey guys, who's enjoying a refreshing coke today? You know, stuff like that, which is just blatant nonsense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you'd get it more because you're a much bigger channel, so it's a bit different. But I do get people who's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's names are their channel. Um, and also people popping in and saying, hey, I sometimes stream this game over at blah. And you just think, come on, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there is a storyline to Death Stranding and delivering the parcels has a purpose, if you expand that to just delivering parcels, who gives a shit? What's the point? Or are you literally, literally just want the gameplay loop of delivering parcels even if there's no goal, there's no growth, there's no-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think that a lot of these games that are like sandboxy, there's not that many out there that are like Minecraft, let's be honest. It's quite unusual to have a game like that. I mean, if you look at, say, a lot of the games that I was listening to, XCOM 2, if it was just, you just fight aliens over and over again, it wouldn't be an entertaining game. The point is you're building towards a final goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The end game of Rust is you beat the server. That's what people are doing. That's why we fucking lose at Rust. Because the guys out there speedrun the good techs, take out all of the, uh, AI sites like the world of Rick and shit like wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You play on those servers with those clans, their objective is to beat the server by being the biggest clan, take out all the other clans and knock them back to the stone age so that no one can challenge you, you win, everybody quits, waits for the next fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not for me, but I understand, I would say it's probably the best game of all time. I honestly think that. Because of what it's done, because of how many people love it, I'd have to accept, yeah, Minecraft is probably the best, most successful video game of all time. And it's so basic, right? It's so strict.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Return? Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful, dreadful. Sorry, Van Dam fans. Be honest. You like his movies because they suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. He's all dreadful. Honestly, he is, he is a butt hair away to Steven Seagal territory. That's all I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he is this fucking close to Steven Seagal. And that guy, in the 90s, same deal, had made a bunch of fucking movies, very similar. Shit. Shit. And he's a fucking shit. Shit. Shit. He's a shit. I'll sing it all fucking day. Van Damme and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he's not second rate. Let's keep going. I don't know how far down the rates go, but somewhere way down the bottom someone's gonna cast Van Damme for a film. Tenth rate, maybe, maybe twelfth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they might be. I think some of them might be. And that kind of info gets around. You know what I mean? Other criminals are gonna talk about it. You go to prison for armed robbery and there's some guy in there who also did robbery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's behind the counter, I'm guessing. I don't think, cause the thing is, you go into the bank now, I think you'd be lucky even to get that. Because it's not like in the old days you'd go in and every till, as it were, every single slot was filled, cause that's where you did your bank in. So you'd have to queue and there'd be a bunch of people. Right, so you had to go in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, that's the time to do it. They didn't have CCTV cameras, they didn't have those fucking exploding ink pellets, they didn't have those automatic closing doors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just smack the bank manager in the nose and get him to open the vault. Job done. Like, that's what they did for decades. That's how banks were robbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's it for? That's moronic. I mean, when people have their kids' names or something, you understand that. It's like a sentimental thing. Having your own name and birthday tattooed on a part of your body you can't even read. What's the point? That's just love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I watched it on one of those really late night movie channels where there's just all kinds of shit on. He's like a pickpocket who lives in Paris or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the bit I remember. He's on a wall, wearing some weird garb, and some people have come to talk to him about something. I'm sorry I'm so vague. It's alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The film jumps from scene to scene. It's like, this is, this is, when these films get made by these washed up, uh, former so-called stars, like Jean-Claude Van Damme, and I'm gonna go hard here, I'm gonna go hard. What happens is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's the thing, these guys get rolling in there, and he gets executive producer, and he's like, he's in it, and he has a massive amount of say in what's in the film, and what makes it and everything, and these films are horribly edited, they jump all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check this one out, or you can read it, people. Are you sure? Alright. Yea, go for it. This is what it takes to be a proper actor, alright? Michael Caine, Michael Caine, spent eight years of his life walking around trying not to blink. That was his acting technique. He spent eight years trying not to blink. Earning him the nickname Snake Eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a solid acting technique. Kane says he put the book down thinking, don't blink. You must never blink. And then proceeded to spend the next eight years of his life not blinking. Master Wade, I've noticed that you've been blinking a lot mate. Master Wade. You mustn't blink. Master Wade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Popular in France should be on people's gravestone when their career is over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels good. I saw our local kingfisher the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got my sixth tomorrow, uhm, so yeah, it's uh, it's good, it's very hard, it's been extremely, extremely hard work, but uhm, it's a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now just at the end of May, I'm hoping, and I remember thinking when we were in the middle of lockdown, I thought, fuck me, summer 2021 better be an absolute belter. Like I want a banging three or four months summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just beautiful days, uh, occasional rain. That would be nice. Uh, but we ain't gonna get it. We're gonna get one week of good weather and then it'll be shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I loved it. It was, it was a good year. Uhm, it wasn't as nuts as some years, but it did have some absolutely corking Eurovision stuff in, from the German entry, which was arguably the worst song I think I've ever heard at a Eurovision. And what did it win?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was bizarre. It was bizarre. They had a giant, a woman dressed as a giant hand for some reason. And, I mean, I'm not speaking German. I didn't know what the point of the hand was. Maybe they referenced it in the song, but I didn't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Graham Norton was on good form, uh, the Italians were mid-table and then they went to the public vote and they'd suddenly won, um, and cut to the lead singer doing coke off the table in the middle of the arena, um, and then getting busted for it later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, we didn't just get nil point from all the judges and juries, we also didn't get a single point from the public vote, so we got absolutely nothing. Oh, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can. I mean, the Ukrainian entry was legit like a Ukrainian folk song, uhm, and it was an absolute banger. If you haven't heard it, go and look it up. It's called Shum, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, by a band called Go Underscore A. Uh, yeaah. And the lyrics are nuts. But I looked up the translation of the lyrics. Let me read this to you. Lyrics. It is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like this quite sweet spring song, but she looks like a vampire queen surrounded by gremlins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they did like the full, let's go back and revisit some classics, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] BOOM BANG A BANG by, uh, Lulu, Brotherhood of Man's Save Your Kisses for Me, Save All Your Kisses for Me, that one I guess, Bucksfear's Making Your Mind Up, that was Bucksfear's, and Katrina in the Waves with Love, Shine a Light.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were. So it was Switzerland, France, they were like neck and neck through the jury votes. When it went to the public vote, like the bookies' favorites were France and Italy. So France, they had a good song, it was a good performance. She was, she was very, uh, like eye-catching, like she was, she was, she looked like that classic French singer. She had the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was beautiful, but she had this look about it, like with the short haircut, with that slightly curly kind of French look, kind of slightly wild but manicured, she had these amazing eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyways, it was great, but uhm, a couple of people I know on Twitter and a couple of articles I read, the argument that we always make is, oh we're never gonna win cause I hate us. Uh, France hasn't won for like 50 years or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, I think if you just have good performance and a good song, you're in with a shout. The problem is, like you said, we're thinking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What will the Europeans like? And that's almost impossible to gauge because it's like a billion people in Europe or something like that and you've got all these different countries and they're not, they're not, it's not like the people out there only listen to umpah music if they're from Germany and only listen to picking guitar if they're from Spain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do alright, but they're not, like, owning it, and it's not always the biggest country that wins, like, uhm, I honestly think it's a lot fairer than we make out, and I think quite often, a pretty decent song


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wins, I mean, it's obviously tends to be a little more, sort of more populist kind of songs, if you like, that are a bit more sort of like obvious. Sometimes it'll be a good song that doesn't win, and you think, well, at least, you know, it was a good song, they gave a good account for themselves, they got a decent score.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's enough. Like, we're just thinking we need to just pick something that those stupid Europeans will like and just writing this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think most often than, if you're a decent singer-songwriter and you come up with a good tune, why the fuck would you waste it on Eurovision? I guess is the way they see it. I don't know how much money you get for winning Eurovision or any? I don't know if the record sales are big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm sure that Morrissey was going to write a song for Britain, for Eurovision, uh, but changed his mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they wanted to lose because they had done it, I think they'd won back to back, and Father Ted did an episode about this where they were like, we have to lose, send in the shittest song we can find, because if we win again, this is going to cost us too much money, is he going to pay to put this fucking thing on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's why they entered Dustin the Turkey. Who is like, I guess he's kind of like zig and zag and roll on the rat. It's like, if you live in Ireland, you'll know him. You know, he's probably had a novelty record, pops up on telly, you know. And now we're joined by our correspondent, uh, Dustin the Turkey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's weird, he kinda reminds me of Michael Scott from The Office in that he's desperate to be good at something. He's a bit different from Michael Scott, but they both have the same drive to be loved and to be successful, but they don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched the film this week, the worst film that I've seen in a long time. Right. For many, many reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My one was Army of the Dead by Zack Snyder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so bad on so many levels and I've watched a few Zack Snyder films. I haven't seen Punch Drunk Love, I think, which is one that people talk to me a lot about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, it looks awful, like the trailer made me really not want to see it, but uhm, I remember watching 300 and thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I was a big fan of, it's based on a Frank Miller comic book, right? Like uhm, yeaah. And I was a big Frank Miller fan at the time, so I was like, you know, this is pretty good and pretty close and all the rest of it. And uhm, sort of captured the essence of the comic in a lot of ways. Uhm, but it wasn't perfect. But it was alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Driving through the desert, there's an accident, the zombie escapes, and it runs to the nearest city, which is Las Vegas. This is the opening scene. Cut to a very long opening montage sequence of Vegas being overrun by zombies,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's like zombie elvises, there's zombie cabaret dancers and all the rest of it. Now at this point I'm thinking, maybe he's gonna go for a kind of action comedy thing. It's zombies. It's Las Vegas. That has to be a comedy, right? No. The film is played dead straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've actually found something on my desktop that I'd kind of forgotten about, and I'd written, uh, Zack Snyder's Lord of the Rings, uh, after seeing Army of the Dead. I was obviously so angry I went and wrote a summary of the key moments from Zack Snyder's Lord of the Rings, if you would like to hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there are a few things that you'll notice. These are the things that I think Zack Snyder is obsessed with. Anyway, here we go. Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Zack Snyder Cut, a 17 hour film, summary of key moments. Because Army of the Dead is over two and a half hours long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scene, scene one. Enter Boromir, played by Henry Cavill. He is topless. He is lifting some heavy barrels of mead and sweating in slow-mo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's your usual drink, Gandalf. Thanks, says Gandalf, giving the barkeep a weak smile. You're the best. Lingering shot of the barkeep. Lingering shot of Gandalf. A sunset. A montage of people coming and going in the bar as Gandalf drinks his beer slowly to the tune of You're My Best Friend by Queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. How has he got his hands on my script? That's the Snyder Cut. Fucking worthless piece of shit director. If you're a Zack Snyder fanboy, please stop listening to this podcast, I hate you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she turns to him at one point to Dave Bautista's character. This is pretty much her only scene in the film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say this though, you don't get many 18s made these days. Like, you really don't. And I think it's that one scene that made it an 18. Cause I've seen a lot more violent films, with like, all kinds of gore and everything, and they're not 18s. So, it was kinda weird that it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, there is an interesting moral quandary that the hero in this game, you, now basically kills downed enemies is pretty fucking brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've tried to make a point to my kids that uhm, I hated, I hated school and I hated doing my A levels and then I hated university.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was awful. I honestly think they'd given up and they didn't actually, not at any point did they encourage you to do something you actually wanted to do. They had obviously been told, whatever you do, don't encourage them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to do something that isn't like a really, you know, uh, straight laced tie and shirt career. Cause that's not what we want to represent. And you'll annoy the parents or whatever. So you give them shit advice, because let's be honest, the most important advice you're going to get is from your parents. And they're the ones who are like gatekeepers for what you want to do and stuff. So I've just tried to say to my kids, look, just do all the subjects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone and welcome back to this triforce podcast. I always said special triforce podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's gonna be a live episode, but also, we don't know what we're doing over Christmas, so I thought, since it's nearly December, we could record a special podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That will go out if we happen to miss a week, okay? Right. And if we're consistent...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've got some Christmas quizzes, and uhm, I'm gonna quiz you two. I love a quiz. Oh, my favourite. Fuck I love quizzes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, man. Holy shit, this guy is ready to rock and roll. So we're gonna begin with general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should. They should. Uhm, well I was always told they move, as well, because originally I was a Libra, but I'm like, apparently now I'm more of a Scorpio. Or a Nacho Libra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So imagine someone went to the ITV and were like, hey, I've got this great idea for a quiz show, you know how everyone loves those coin pushers? We got one of them, right, and the contestants have to answer questions, and if they answer a question correctly, they get a coin to put with the coin pusher, and then any coins that come out are worth 50 quid each, right? So, it's that, they've got this giant coin pusher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's one of the, I mean, they, they give away next to nothing, uhm, on this quiz show as well. It feels like it's, you know, people at best are gonna win, like, maybe a thousand pounds, but at the end, they can gamble it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly what I thought it was. But no, it's basically ITV's version of Eggheads. So, obviously the Eggheads became little celebrities on their own, and I think that's still going. Have you seen Eggheads? You know how that works, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's that, so one guy comes in, and there's five what they call chasers, right, where these are quiz experts, and they've all got, like, scary names, so one of them is called The Beast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, this sort of happened in quiz shows, like, with Pointless, I remember I used to watch that, and they would allow people two chances, right, if you got knocked out in the first or second round in Pointless, you were allowed to come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ten cats does countdown is still, I think they've done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's move on with the quiz. Oh man, okay. Which country, Sips Imperium, started the tradition of putting up a Christmas tree? Oh, uh, Germany. I'm gonna say Norway. Oh, that's a point to Sips. Hell yeah, baby!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This question was actually in, uhm, a recent Minecraft map that I played. Oh. No, not Minecraft, a recent TTT map. How many ghosts show up in A Christmas Carol?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well you both get a point for that. Ay, nice. Good deducing. Good deducing. So that was like, you're working together now, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. In Home Alone, where are the McCallisters going on holiday when they leave Kevin behind? Isn't it Paris? Oh shit, yes they are, yeah, they're going to Paris. That is, it is Paris!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your teamwork. This is a versus, head to head. Sips versus Perian. Which of you is more Christmassy? Which country did eggnog originate in? America. Okay. I'm gonna say fucking Germany again. It is not, it is actually, raw Britannia. BOOM. Oh my god, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I'll make a note. I'll look at some of that as well. I'll tell Daph. Bless you, bless you. How many gifts were given in total in the 12 Days of Christmas song? Gonna have to do some quick math here.


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[Assistant] But any time, play SIX of the characters.


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[Assistant] Oh wow, I was gonna say the lady killers. Can you name any of the characters he plays?


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[Assistant] Wow, good knowledge though. Thank you, thank you so much, thanks. Good knowledge. Shall we, shall we, I'll do some more general Christmassy stuff. Yeah, great quiz by the way. Yeah, good job. In which ocean is Christmas Island? Billy. Pacific. No?


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[Assistant] I mean, people get their names changed all the time when they get married. So it is a thing that people do, it's not that hard. You know, like, you gotta change your credit card to get a new passport or driving license, but other than that, like, well, that's probably actually a bit more than that.


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[Assistant] Maybe he's got like, loads of investments across the world under Leslie Sebastian Charles and it would be a real ball ache. Leslie Sebastian Charles is actually a pretty good name. Strong name. It is a very strong name. Very masculine. Which of Santa's Reindeer has the same name


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[Assistant] What is the god of love? Oh, cupid. Vixen. Oh, well done, sits. Got in there quick. Oh yeah, a cupid. A cupid.


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[Assistant] Okay, good. Here's a question that might catch you. What is Frosty the Snowman's nose made out of? It's, uh, made out of a- wait.


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[Assistant] Six! If your MMR is lower than six, you're in trouble. It's almost.


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[Assistant] Which horned figure is said to punish naughty children at Christmastime? Oh, uhhm...


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[Assistant] Oh no, that's even worse. That was a harder question than I thought, actually. Which angel, just checking your biblical knowledge, visited Mary? Oh.


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[Assistant] Okay, next up, December 26th marks Witch Saints Day. Do you know this? It's the saint associated with Christmas time.


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[Assistant] No, close, very close. Is it Saint Hubert? No, it is Saint Steve. Of course it is.


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[Assistant] Can I look that up? Saint Swithin. Maybe you're right. No, Saint Swithin's Day is Friday the 15th of July.


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[Assistant] He became Bishop of Winchester. Unlike other religious figures, he chose not to be buried in a prominent place in Winchester Cathedral, but instead outside in a simple tomb where the sweet rain of heaven may fall upon my grave.


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[Assistant] Uh, the legend says after his remains were moved inside, uhm, there was a great storm, and it rained for many weeks after. Well, there you go.


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[Assistant] The poem, the old poem goes like this. Since Swithin's day, if it does rain, forty full days it will remain. Since Swithin's day, if it be fair, forty days it will rain no more.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, yes. I've been watching Seifelt and I love that observational style. I mean, I guess it's just been blended into regular comedy now, but there was a time when it was that so obviously like, hey, what's the deal with her? What's the deal with Oprah? Is she fat or is she thin? Make up your mind!


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[Assistant] What's with her? I just love that. That's, that, cause people don't, it's such a strange sentence. What's with, like, you don't hear that anymore. Have you, um, have you been watching?


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[Assistant] We all shop online and we've all seen that promo code taunt us at checkout. But thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. I've been using Honey to do a lot of my last minute Christmas shopping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And more often than not, I've actually saved a whole bunch of money. Uh, it searches for coupons. It's just a Chrome add-on. You can install it very, very easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Support this podcast so you can join honey for free. Join honey dot com slash triforce. That's join honey dot com slash triforce. You can get it for free. You can look it up. It's very easy to find on the internet. I recommend it. Lots of people are using it. So thank you for the sponsorship and enjoy your savings.


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[Assistant] The Triforce Podcast is very happy to be sponsored by ExpressVPN. I use ExpressVPN on my phone, on my iPad and on my computer. It's on almost all the time whenever I'm browsing. Uh, they say that going online without a proxy these days is like changing while leaving your window wide open.


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[Assistant] Uh, so yes, I feel more comfortable, I like to browse more anonymously, uh, when I'm on the internet, and I recommend you do too. So yea, you can secure your online activity today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash Triforce.


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[Assistant] I recommend ExpressVPN and I use it, uh, you can get an extra three months free at expressvpn.com slash triforce. Thank you very much for their sponsorship. And, uh, yeah, stay safe out there, lads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in which, uh, oh, you know this one. In which country is it tradition to eat KFC for Christmas dinner? Japan! Uh, America. You're right, it's Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Japan. It's mental. It's crazy. They all order, it's a whole thing, KFC specially set up a pre-order menu and they prepare everything for Christmas Day, and a lot of families have it, and it's become a viral, kind of, me-me tradition.


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[Assistant] Of all things. It's mental. Uhm. I love a Mimi. And, I can't believe it. It's very funny. Alright. What happened, oh sorry, when Santa got stuck up the chimney, what did he have in his sack? When Santa got stuck up the chimney, what did he have in his sack?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he, well, close, he was leaving, but what would have got in his sack when he got stuck in the chimney when they called him out?


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[Assistant] Sorry, I didn't know if you knew it. Which famous scientist was born on Christmas Day? Oh, Christopher Whitty. In 1642. Oh, not Christopher


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me that, give me that. Okay, next slide please. Uh, so, oh fuck's sake, I actually watched that update. Covid update.


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[Assistant] Whatever. With the next slide please. And I couldn't believe he was doing the memes! He was just doing, next slide please. As you can see, Covid is spreading throughout the known world at a rate of knots. Next slide please. And we're all fucked.


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[Assistant] What pantomime does buttons appear in? Buttons? Oh, uh... I do know this one.


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[Assistant] It is Sid Duretti, you got there, I'm gonna allow all of the guessing, and that puts you up to seven points. Oh no it isn't! Which is half a head of Sips, who is on six and a half. Oh shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, okay, do you, either of you, can either of you say Merry Christmas in Welsh? Uuuuhm, uhm... I'll give you half a point if you can say it in a different language to English. Oh, fillies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Welsh. Merry Christmas. Uh, no, closest. Well done on the pronunciation.


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[Assistant] I don't know if it was right. We'll find out when Daph listens to this. Uh, so that means you both get half a point. So hurrah. Sips you're on seven and a half.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, what a comeback. I might have been doing the scores from chat, uh, chat. If you're listeners, hopefully you're not following. What a, what a comeback, I mean, jeez, where did this guy come from all of a sudden? Round two, festive food and drink. Oh, here we go. What is traditionally hidden inside a Christmas pudding?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure. Uhm, which tin of chocolates would you find the green triangle? Oh, uh, Quality Street. Very good.


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[Assistant] Well, that's the one which I ate and had peanuts in, I believe, at least it used to. And this was the first major, um, anaphylactic allergy reaction I had in my life was to the green triangle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I was just, I just felt absolutely awful, I couldn't breathe, and then we had to call the emergency doctor out, and this was in the winter, so it must have been around Christmas time, we had Quality Street, and then I was, I remember I was stood outside my, uh, the front of my bungalow, sort of wheezing and


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[Assistant] Stop it! Oh, for fuck's sake.


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[Assistant] Alright, next question. In the film, Christmas with the Cranks, which tinned food item is Nora Crank fighting for in the supermarket? Spam.


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[Assistant] In food questions, Stollen is a fabulous Christmas confection that comes from which country? GERMANY!


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[Assistant] But I mean- He got there quicker than you. Yeah, I suppose.


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[Assistant] Uh, what, roughly, how many turkeys are consumed in the UK every Christmas? I wanna answer from each of you. I'm gonna say...


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[Assistant] Right, well you're gonna lose half a point for trying to game it. Oh alright, well then I'll give you a real guess.


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[Assistant] Well, but the other thing is that people want the crown, right? They don't want all the other bits, so you probably end up killing more to get, there's probably a lot of throwing away.


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[Assistant] What percent of the UK's entire Brussels Sprout sales are in the week before Christmas? 85%.


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[Assistant] When Ross can't find a Santa outfit, by the way, you've each got ten points, when Ross can't find a Santa outfit in time for Christmas, what does he dress up as instead?


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[Assistant] Who was killed off in 2012 Downton Abbey's Christmas Special Cliffhanger?


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, he survived World War I and the flu epidemic, didn't he? And then got bumped off in the Christmas special because he left, I think. He wanted to do other things, so they bumped him off. Anyway.


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[Assistant] But he was in the wrong decade. Yea, but still closer. He was technically a year closer.


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[Assistant] In the Vicar of Dibley's 1996 Christmas special, which actor guest starred as a character called Tristan Campbell who ended up proposing to Geraldine on Christmas Day. Which Doctor Who actor.


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[Assistant] There you go. Amazing. Uh, Switch Doctor made his debut in the Christmas special of Doctor Who in 2005. The Christmas Invasion. Christopher Eccleston.


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[Assistant] Hercule Poirot's Christmas special in 2005 featured which actor in the titular role?


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[Assistant] So, which Red Dwarf actor will be returning to Death in Paradise's Christmas Special this year? Danny John Jules. It is Danny John Jules.


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[Assistant] What the fuck? Here's one for you, Sips. Uhm, well both of you.


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[Assistant] It's true, it's true. Yes, exactly. Uh, in Mean Girls, what song do the Plastics perform to a risque routine in front of their school? I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.


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[Assistant] Uh, which Game of Thrones star plays the lead in Emma Thompson and Greg Wise's Last Christmas?


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[Assistant] Alright, well, uh, while P-Flex answers his door, we will say goodbye. Thank you, everyone.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it's all like, oh, you get to, uh, earn money while playing the game. I have a fucking job for that, alright? That's the way everybody should be thinking about this, is I do not want my leisure time to also become me worrying about the fluctuations of Ethereum. Can we just not?


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[Assistant] The thing that you're talking about with the Axie whatever, that's a good demonstration as well, because most people think they're getting rich by fucking breeding blobs, right?


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[Assistant] The ownership and all the money is still at the top. And as with all of these fucking things, like these fucking NFTs and all these cryptos, there's a very small number of people getting rich off it. The venture capitalist firms don't get involved


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[Assistant] Because everybody's getting rich. Because that's not how anything works. There is nothing out there. Whether it's the stock market, or NFTs, or crypto, or some fucking video game, where you can all get rich. Nothing exists like that.


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[Assistant] Once it's based on the idea that some things have value and there can be ownership, that's it. Some people are gonna have all of it, and you're gonna have a tiny slice of it, and they're gonna fool you into thinking, oh, you can get your slice by just breeding fucking blobs 12 hours a day. You can't.


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[Assistant] It's not that simple. All of this stuff, saying, look how easy it is to make money, it's bullshit. It's absolute bullshit.


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[Assistant] Like that's the biggest issue. Cause you have to come up with something brand new and do it better than anybody else and nobody's spotted it and you blow up as a result of that.


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[Assistant] And then you become known for that thing and that's how you stay big.


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[Assistant] But if you come up with some cool new idea and someone else sees it, they'll nick it. Because you can't, just like Vtubing for example, there's a million Vtubers now, they all think they're going to make it, but who's the biggest one? Code Miko, right? Isn't she like the biggest Vtuber?


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[Assistant] You know what he shoulda done, he shoulda livestreamed, he shoulda livestreamed his search every day, he's at the dump, with a GoPro on, and another camera set up while he's going through the rubbish, and it's a combination of him showing things he's found at the dump. Look at this guys, look at this, I just found it.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, I don't think it is, cause they do that with Magic the Gathering, when they find first edition Magic the Gathering boxes, these guys open it and they're looking for...


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[Assistant] Because the thing is, like, with anything, yes, it has an inherent value because of what it could have, like, there's a potential there, so it has value because of that, but then there are also special cards in there that if you get, bump the value up. Right. So, if he gets, like, if you buy some of these original Magic the Gathering cards,


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[Assistant] If you find like the black lotus or whatever that card is, you find a couple of those in there, you've made it. Like you've made back the money and then some on what it cost you. There are loads of videos of people opening with scalpels and surgical gloves on.


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[Assistant] Very carefully opening original packs of Magic the Gathering cards, hoping to find some rare cards in there. How they're centered makes a big difference, all that kind of stuff.


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[Assistant] But in our school, and I'm, again, apologies if I've mentioned this before, a big thing that we were into was the equivalent of sort of shove hate me on the teacher's desk at break times. That was what we did. So you'd get your muscle, and the idea was to flick it to knock the other player's muscle off the desk, and if you did that,


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[Assistant] If you look at these images long enough, I mean apart from the fact it'll probably break your head, you'll find they're all different shapes and sizes and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] And they've all got their little arms and legs, but some of them look like they're made of bricks, they're like solid bricks. There's one that's just a guy who's just an arch, right? There's one that's a pyramid. Those muscles were almost impossible to beat, because they're flat, they've got much more surface area in contact with the table, the desk.


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[Assistant] Because look at it, if you hit that thing, it's going flying. If you hit the bridge, the bridge was the only muscle that we valued at one pound. Because you could also just sell muscles to each other. And the kids who came in with cash, I never had any money because we were broke, I never went into school with money. Very occasionally 30p or something, I'd buy a couple of chomps. Or a chomp.


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[Assistant] There was a tiny bit of give to them, yeah. But they were basically, if you look at some of them, a very live, skinny little lads, those were useless. Even if the muscle looked cool, it had value based on how it would perform in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Yeah, this is a, this is, there's a lot of these around here in Twickenham. There's, there's quite a few. Uh, and yeah, it's like, it'll be like, uh,


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[Assistant] They're like, do you want to get some food? And I'm like, well, what do you mean? They're like, yo, come on, we'll get some food in. I was like, well, aren't we going to cook? And they're like, I don't have any food in the house. They don't have food. They just don't have any food.


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[Assistant] You know what they really need to make all this shit take off is a cartoon about these crypto blobs. That's kind of like Pokemon. To brainwash kids. Crypto blob! You know, like that. Brainwash the kids. Crypto blob!


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[Assistant] Alright, so here's some extra details, okay? It's 500 missing gold coins from this historic shipwreck. He's claiming that he can't remember because he suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome.


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[Assistant] I gave him to some trust in Belize, but I can't give you any more details on that, I don't know. So he won't cooperate, they're saying. So he said, oh, I can't remember. And they're saying, this is the federal judge, he created a patent for a submarine, but he can't remember where he put the loot. This is what they're arguing.


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[Assistant] Is that if he's lost it, then how the hell can he still do clever things? Like he must be, he must be fake.


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[Assistant] Alright, so he also, he violated the requirement that he assist the parties involved by refusing to execute a limited power of attorney to allow the Belizean Trust to be examined as required under his plea deal.


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[Assistant] And he is essentially stymieing that process. He would be out of prison by now if he simply complied with this plea agreement and cooperated. So, he's just stuck there. It's like this fairly unique case. Because I guess as long as he and the coins both exist, this is gonna continue because...


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[Assistant] Do you think you could realistically dad your way out of a wet paper bag though? Cause I have doubts. No, not at all. I imagine you're the kind of dad, and there are dads like that out there.


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[Assistant] When they're, when they're acting wild and crazy around bedtime and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] Or maybe cumratery because of all the weird, uh, cause it's very sexually charged I feel like boarding school, right? Like you're, you're going there at a time where you're just hitting puberty. So like you can imagine everybody's just jacking off all the time and stuff and like exploring.


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[Assistant] Exploring their bodies and sexuality, but away from home as well, which is kind of weird too.


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[Assistant] I always felt like at boarding school, the biggest bullies would be the teachers, right? Like I know we talked about whiplash briefly last week, but like I imagine most boarding schools to be like the movie whiplash with like just the crazy teacher or like headmaster that just psychologically,


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[Assistant] Other kids are definitely the problem. Bullies and stuff like that. The teachers just can't control anything.


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[Assistant] Like the dormitories for like the commonwealth games or something.


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[Assistant] I'm not thrilled about the prospect of school trips for my kids, like, we don't really leave our kids with anybody, or we don't really leave them anywhere alone and stuff.


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[Assistant] That's scary, yeaah. I was talking to my wife earlier about something I read on Reddit, and it was about people with street smarts. Explaining street smarts to people without street smarts, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's people, people who have experience living in like a really big city or living in like a pretty rough neighborhood and some, some like little tips and tricks for people.


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[Assistant] We don't really have to be overly careful about, uh, even locking our doors if we don't want to, like we do obviously, but you know what I mean? Like it's a pretty sleepy place, very low crime rate.


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[Assistant] Low, uh, like, there's not that many, like, uh, social issues, if you like, sort of thing, you know what I mean? It's not like, there's not, there's not big areas of, uh, of, like, people who are clearly, like, not, uh, earning as much as others or whatever, you know? Like, it's, it's a, it's a fairly affluent place. And my kids are being raised here as well.


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[Assistant] And we were just saying one, you know, one day they're gonna go to university and they're gonna go somewhere like to like Manchester or something. And like what the fuck are they gonna do? Like, you know, like I've never been to Manchester. I know parts of it probably aren't great or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My kids aren't gonna be used to a big city, uh, let alone having to worry about like, you know, what parts of that city are places they don't want to go and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I guess kids are a lot more versatile than that, especially like when they become teenagers, becoming adults as well. Cause you always think of them in the terms of, you know, they're 10 years old. Then obviously they're not always going to be 10 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But man, it still worries the shit out of me to think that they're just gonna be out there in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it is either, but I think it's a valid thing to worry about as a parent. Like, you know, you're unsure, right? Like, I grew up near a fairly big city and I have experience living in a city and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel like it wasn't a problem for me sort of thing, but I just, I just worry that like maybe my kids won't be ready for that or it's just another layer of, you know, things that they have to get used to or something. I'm probably worrying for no reason, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not only that, you have to put yourself into situations to acquire, uh, the white gold, you know, so you have to go seek out the dealers and stuff and that's going to take you, that's going to take you down some, some, some odd paths, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did you think about the tip of uhm, if you're walking down a road in the middle of the night and it's really dark, walk in the middle of the road. Don't walk on sidewalks or anywhere close to like the openings of side roads or alleys or whatever, just walk in the middle of the street. Like it's a fucking alien movie or whatever. It's pretty sensible actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about it, if you were the type that was lurking in an alley trying to grab somebody, you're not gonna run out into the middle of the road and grab them are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think maybe in the case of mugging, but I, I, I was more thinking like, uh, you know, people, people trying to grab you in down into like, uh, into like darker side streets and stuff to, uh, like assault you and stuff, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but I think if you're walking in the middle of the road, it's probably a good one because they're not even gonna really run out to the road to even talk to you in the first place, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was another really interesting thread relating to this and it was uhm, I'm, I'm assuming it was a woman's, uh, posting a thread saying, what would you do if you were walking down the street and a woman, uh, approached you, uh, with like utmost familiarity, you know, talking to you like as if you were friends, but you'd never seen this person before. Uhm, but obviously-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and a woman comes up to you and is being very friendly and like saying things like, oh, hey, it was really great catching or like, hey, what's up? It's you, you know, like coming over to you, like hugging you and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but apparently this is a, this is a, uh, this is like a sort of thing that people can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be weird though, right? Cause I'd like to think that I would be like, you know, in on it, I would know what was going on and I would be like, okay, this person needs like some help and I can just easily pretend that I'm friends with them to help them or something. A part of me would always be like, I'm getting fucking scammed here or I'm getting set up. Like what the fuck is going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's loving this man. Big shout out to the mailbag. Big ups. I think this week's big ups for the mailbag, because last week the mailbag delivered the gold, I feel like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you have the, but then, then there's like the carbon footprint though, right? Of, uh, of, of, you, you save space, yeah, but then you need more servers and more power and stuff, right? So there's, there's trade-offs too. You know, maybe we should not be doing this is what I'm saying. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This podcast for me is like, I'm in the movie Memento. If it's not tattooed on my body, we never spoke about it, honestly. Every week it's like a brain wipe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of socks getting wet, mine did get wet this week. Uhm, well, I was in my backyard and uhm, I got a couple of plants from the garden center for the greenhouse, cause like, it's the season now, you know, I wanna get some strawberries going and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just needs to, it just needs to get seeds going and then they can go outside. But yeah, it works. It's good for us. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Close. Okay, we'll carry on then. Right, so I put them directly into the greenhouse so that they could warm up and be cozy and stuff. With all your virtual high five. Yea, you didn't get a virtual high five for that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The next day I came out to water them. I went to access my outdoor water butt, which gets like, you know, drainage off of the house, you know, from the, like, from the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you call those things around your roof? Uh, gutters. It collects all the gutter water. And uh, I went to switch it on to fill up my can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was a brief delay, like, cause it hadn't been used all, like, y'know, it'd been dormant all the way through. Sure, it's probably full of algae or something. So it was all blocked up and I was like, oh shit, it's all blocked up. And then just as soon as I had that thought, fucking water sprayed everywhere, didn't it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Socks got absolutely soaked, and not just soaked, I was wearing white socks, there was a brownish tint to the soaking as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, if it's not Lego, it's like little Barbie shoes. You know, like, they always have these little plastic high heels for Barbies. Man, I step on those things all the time and they really hurt. Like, they can pierce the skin sometimes if they're, if they fall on the ground the wrong way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's incredible. It's like, I don't know how they do it. Like it's just, it's, it's nuts. It's been a roller coaster this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm surprised in 2022 that Hooters are still opening, to be honest. Like, that amazes me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they need a, uh, they need a, uh, like, uh, I want to say like a sister restaurant chain, but maybe in this case it would be a brother restaurant chain called Honkers and instead of women with big boobies wearing, um, like basically swimsuits,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys with huge knobs, like just the biggest tackle you've ever seen, uh, hammocked inside like a small speedo and then, you know, they serve you food and stuff. Like, I feel like if we're gonna go one way, we gotta go the other way as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brian Sanderson in his fucking paper chase, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but there's no, like, itemization? Like, you can't have a breakdown? Like, I wanna see where all my money went on this night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you drink that much at a strip club. Like every time I've been to a strip club, the alcohol is very expensive and most of the people that you go with end up buying one drink and nursing the crap out of it like all night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that's, I gotta, I'll admit, I've been to strip clubs, but I've never had like a private dance or anything. I always just thought that that would be awkward as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much, and only really there just because the people I'm with were very insistent on going. Right. Uh, I would never like seek one out on my own or, you know, like, like offer it up as a destination if I was going out with friends or whatever. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One year when we were all turning 18, we drove to Quebec, which was like 15 minute drive for us because you can get into strip clubs legally when you're 18 in Quebec, or at least that used to be the case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck me, it's, I, I don't know, like, I guess some people really do go to these places a lot or whatever, and, and, you know, really get dances and stuff. For me, I always just thought it would just be way too awkward, like, I'd never, I've never even thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe going for like a hike up a mountain. We could like hike up Mount Snowden or something like that, right? Or at least attempt to. Maybe even just turn up at the base and just decide not to or something. And then go to the pub. And then go to the pub and get a lap dance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, we've got double teamed on this one. So she comes home and she says, I'm a Catholic. Uhm, cause we said, you can't do that. She said, I can't, I can do that. I can do it if I want to cause I'm Catholic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get to the end of your rope with this stuff very quickly. Uhm, so she's doing some arts and crafts or something and she was like holding the glue, she was talking to my son and holding the glue but like the glue was tipping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, come on now, like you're gonna get glue all over the place. Uhm, and then she sort of- Catholics don't do that. She sort of adamantly turned around and she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what we're contending with. Fuck me, man. I love that. Oh, that's so good. I don't even do religious studies at their school, as far as I know. So I don't know where the fuck this is all coming from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get the Jehovah's Witnesses over here too. This is somehow a destination for them. Like, we get the door to door Jehovah's Witnesses over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine you get to heaven and for an eternity you have to work with Elon Musk to devise ways to rescue children from a submerged tunnel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you like it so much, I'll pay you money. I mean, man, I hate doing it. It takes so long and it's just like, ugh, god. Where is it? It's in the loft? Uh, no, no, you gotta buy a tree and you have to cut it so that it fits. Whaaat? Oh yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder what they, they should, they should just like maybe chip them and then, uh, you know, use those chippings to like, you know, they could sell it as like mulch or something? I don't know, like they gotta do something with all of it, right? Just like mince pie stuffing next year. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're lucky we have like high ceilings in our, in our house for some reason. And it's like eight feet or whatever, but I always get a Christmas tree thinking, you know, this will fit and then I cut it and everything and it never quite fits. So there's all these scrape marks on my ceiling where we normally put the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christmas tree, like, you know, just some old sap or whatever that comes off the tree because the very top of the tree always scrapes against the ceiling when I'm putting it into the holder and stuff. It's a lot of hassle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a lot of hassle, you know, you know what I mean? Like, I would be happy if the tradition changed and you no longer had to do trees, you know what I mean? Like, just like a, like a pole with some tinsel on it. Like Festivus is what you're saying. Like Festivus, yeah. Something like, just something easier, you know, maybe something a bit more modern as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a spider plant with a couple of bells. A lava lamp would be great. Yeah, something that just still looks really cool, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't as much faffing around to get set up, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and traditions evolve, right? Like, I mean, Halloween wasn't always Halloween like it is now. Thanksgiving, I doubt, was like always the way that it is right now, you know, Thanksgiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, it, it, like the, the essence of Thanksgiving is still there, I'm sure. But like, you know, things have changed a lot, right? Like the way that you prepare food, the types of food that people eat, all that kind of stuff. So come on, Christmas, get with the times. Let's have a little, let's change it up a little bit. Let's make it a little bit easier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 1576, see it's been, we've had long enough now. Let's change it. Let's like, get like a Chia pet that you can put lights on, or something easy. Something a little bit easier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, they should change that Phil Collins song slightly, so it's like, oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and tree of paradise. You know, like talking about you and your tree of paradise? Of paradise. Is it tree in paradise?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tree of paradise, yeah, so it could turn- that could become the new Christmas song rather than- Oh, looks nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, suck it Mariah Carey, you're done. Your days are numbered. Phil Collins is coming back with a remastered Christmas hit, and it's more symbolic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wore a lot of Christmas sweaters almost full time, actually. Like, even outside of Christmas. You remember, his wardrobe generally just looked like a Christmas dad's wardrobe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god yeah, he had like the, uh, he had like the Milhouse Van Hooten's dad hairdo like quite early on and stuff. Like, very... Simpsons energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't like candles at Christmas? Fake, what about the fake tea lights? They're okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we did this. Well, we got like a disco one this year. Sick. And the pumpkin just looked insane, like, uh, it's like purple and green lights coming out of him and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to get some of those, some of those find a flush bags, you know, like they made the wipes now, find a flush. Make the, make uhm, bags and stuff out of that too and then you can just flush a whole bag down the, down the toilet too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, this is great. Like, the bag must not be overfilled, either. That's another thing. I don't know about you guys, but like, when you're putting... No bulging sack. It says in the Bible, doesn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I bought a sofa, it's fine. I don't need to replace it all the time. DFS, come on. What are you doing to yourself? Like, what do you want from me? There's too many ads all the time for DFS. You know, like, let's change it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well you're not being very specific here, they all look...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all look like little Gilbert grapes, like with the hats on and stuff, you know? Like, I don't know, I can't tell the difference. Wasn't one German recently? There was a German one recently, I think. I don't know, my- Yes. Honestly, my Pope knowledge is not where it should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you one thing, God spoke to me, said don't believe the hype, and my God looks like flavor, flavor, flavor as well. Which is odd, I know, but it's just the way, the way it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a flavor-flavist, yea, through and through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, maybe I should watch that, the two- Do you think I'll learn more about, uhm, the Pope? By watching that movie? Cause I really don't know anything about the Pope, uh, other than like, I mean, I probably recognize him in a parade or whatever, but like, I don't actually know, like, much about behind the scenes, what goes into,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hoping, you know, like I don't know how the Pope is chosen. Well, I guess you guys just explained it, but like it, it seems interesting. Cause I mean, obviously the whole thing is still very, there's a, there's a massive following and, uh, for it and it's still, still hugely popular, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well, I mean, that's just, uh, that's just a dad thing, isn't it? That doesn't have anything to do with the holidays. It's just like- But we all do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I would do that any given day. You know, like if, if everybody in my house is like occupied like, you know, playing Nintendo or watching a movie or something like that, that's what I'm doing. I'm like, okay, I'm laying down and I'll probably fall asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I normally have some roast potatoes, uhm, some nice carrots, you know, maybe some sprouts, uh, like a bit, a bit, a bit of veggie gravy and, uh, you know, like some nice bread or something like that. It's usually fine for me. Can I let you guys in on a secret? Go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just supply and demand though. I mean, God, there's got to be more chickens than ever now. Like they're freaking everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the preparation of chickens to eat is automated now too, right? More or less.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys ever think about this, like, the food that we eat on a daily basis? Just take, for example, your average day and the food that you consume in that day. That's like pretty normal for you, right? Like it's not, you're not really eating anything out of the ordinary for you at the time. Imagine a situation kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We really take for granted like all this really nice, convenient food, right? But like, like it, it takes a long time to grow food as well. I mean I learned this from, from doing it in the summer. And you can fuck it up royally too, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you do, you're suddenly in the situation where you're like, holy shit, I have no food, like I'm, I have to eat berries out of a bush or something to stay alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'd have potatoes, but then again, like I said, that's providing you know how to plant them and when to harvest them and all that kind of shit, which I'd say the average person does not know any of this stuff. Uhm, so like, left to your own


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Left to your own devices, I think it's, I think that's pretty scary stuff. I'm not, I doubt it would ever happen sort of thing, but I, you know, just like entertaining the, the, the scenario sort of thing. I, I would be freaking hopeless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I guess that's why people were like going crazy getting the toilet paper and stuff. I mean, if you didn't have toilet paper, what are you doing? Using like some old undershirts or something? Like your duvet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close World War 2, it was, uh, it was, it was during the, uh, the rationing times and all that kind of stuff. It was, it was like that, right? Like lots of, lots of root vegetables, carrots, turnips. They had too many and everybody was sick of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to, yeaah, yeaah. Like even, even in, in Jersey, like when it was occupied during World War II, people were starving because, uhm, the supply lines were completely cut off, you know, when, uh, especially once France was, uh, was invaded by the, by the Allies and taken back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the Channel Islands were still cut off, so people had to learn how to make food out of what was around, and it was kinda gross, you know? They had to make like these...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, I don't, I personally would never want to be in a situation like that because I just don't have the skills to get by in that sense. You know, like I, I just, I'm too used to eating like, you know, cookies and stuff and I like them and uh, you know, what the hell would you do all of a sudden?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, you're never gonna have cookies again. Aw shit! Like, I don't know how to make those myself, for the most part, like it's a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? I mean, they had to though. They were starving, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people are getting like burritos and McDonald's delivered to their house and stuff. Like they probably think the same, right? They're probably like, God, that's gross. Give me some suet. You got any roast suet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get your, your bubbles all, uh, greased up and manicured perfectly for some sexy time over the Christmas vacation. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bam. Tone up your baubles big time. Bam. Very nice. Tone. Kaboom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey listen, uh, changing the subject slightly, uh, I went to- I took my son to see the new Ghostbusters movie on Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alex said to me it was the worst film he's seen at the movies ever. Well, I haven't seen a movie at the, at the theaters for quite some time. The last one I saw was Peter Rabbit 2, so this wasn't too bad in comparison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, my 9 year old son really liked it. At the end of the movie he said, this is the best movie I've ever seen. Uh, for context though, as I've said, uh, he's seen like 3 movies in his life. So, you know, that's gonna be, that's gonna be up there for sure. No, he liked it though. It was, it was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was kinda like in my experience going to see Terminator 2 with my dad when I was like 12, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not so much the movie, I think he enjoyed the experience. It was a 12a, he's not 12, so you know, he thought that he was like hanging out with his dad and getting away with something or whatever, so. Right, right, right. That side of it I think he really enjoyed too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the movie was like, it wasn't great, you know, like it was, you know, the original movies, it didn't do the original movies justice, it in fact just kind of ripped off a lot of stuff from the original movies, which I guess it would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean really, like, a lot of the key plot points from the first movie are present in this movie, which felt a little bit lazy and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there's parts like, there's this part where Paul Rudd goes into a Walmart that's just been haunted to buy marshmallows. And of course you see, you know, the marshmallow man. I don't know if you've seen the trailers, but there's like all the little mini marshmallow men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he runs out of the aisle because, you know, these marshmallow men start biting him and stuff and, uh, and the big fucking dog, you know, like the gozer dog from the first movie is eating, you know, some puppy chow out of a big bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starts chasing him and then does the thing, you know, like in the first movie when, uh, when, uh, what's his face? Lewis Tully. Lewis Tully is in Central Park and, and the fucking, the dog bursts out of the glass doors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does all that. It's like, it's like scene for scene exactly the Lewis Tully thing, but it's Paul Rudd, you know, jumping into his car in the end or whatever. And uh, you know, it's got like Gozer, the gatekeeper, the key master, all the old stuff. And it's just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels, a lot of it feels a bit half-baked, like the start of the movie is really slow, and there's post-credit stuff hinting at sequels and stuff too, so it's like, oh man, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all kids that are like the, you know, the Ghostbusters, but it's like Egon Spangler's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I feel like, like watching, I've been watching that documentary series again, cause there's been a new couple of seasons since I last watched it, but the movies that made us, and there was, there was like, uh, you know, Forrest Gump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back to the Future, Jurassic Park, all these like, you know, big movies from when I was a kid, I remember them being, coming out, being, being very big, very popular, big box office hits and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, I feel like now there's more Hollywood rather than


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even think they wanted to take many risks back then because a lot of these big movies almost didn't make it. You know, like if you look at the documentary, it's like they had budget issues. Nobody wanted to fork out the money to make these movies. Nobody believed in them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people didn't like the scripts, whatever, you know what I mean? And there was a lot of improvisations that had to be made along the way in order to get these movies out. Like, like Forrest Gump, for example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Tom Hanks and the director had to fork out money just to make it happen. Because the studio was like, no, you're done. Like, we're not putting any more money into this movie. They were like, cut out the Vietnam scene, cut out this scene, and they're like, we don't have a movie without these scenes. Like, you have to have them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, no, no, like you're, you're spending too much money. You don't want it. And now it feels like, it feels like it's still like that. They don't want to take risks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have this whole catalog of surefire, uh, IPs, right? That they can now just borrow from. So like whenever they, they just need to make some money, it's like, okay, let's just reboot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking box office smash from the 90s and you know, hopefully people are just going to be dumb enough to go see it and we'll make more money or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think cinema's dead. I mean, I think there's plenty of good movies coming out, but I think we're talking about really big blockbuster movies here, which seem to have, they're almost scared to make them, right? Because maybe the budgets are just much bigger now, or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's just a big support character, kind of like, kind of wise, you know, behind the scenes sort of thing, and that's fine, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was kinda coming though, like again coming back to Beard, Beard sort of predicted it right? Was always giving him weird looks and sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I also didn't like the coach beard episode. I mean, I'll watch season three, see how it goes sort of thing. I, I, I agree with you on, on, on, on a bit of it, not all of it, but uhm, but you know, it's uhm. That's how I feel. Yeah, no, that's fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks! Thanks boys! Oh man. I will check that out, or maybe avoid it, I'm not sure. I got other stuff to watch though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, you're really fickle with your respect, Flax. Like, it doesn't take much, eh? Just like, all the respect?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's all it takes, right? Then it's gonna have a new trajectory and then it's just, it'll be a narrow miss. Uh, we'll get a little bit of comet dust, uh, maybe, you know, like, uh, maybe like a skid mark on the, on the planet or whatever. But that, it's better than an impact crater and a massive tidal wave, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, can I just ask about the whole split personality thing, is it a real thing? Yes. So, but is it like, so people literally have different people inside them, it's not something they just, they're crazy so they do this, this is an actual condition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's just people, people that have no idea what their actual job is. Like the moment it varies even slightly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. You know what I mean? I don't care. So here's one for you guys. Talking about, talking about, um, picking your battles. Last, uh, I think, was it earlier this week? I think it was very late last week. My neighbor's motorcycle got stolen. Did I talk about this on the last- No. No. Holy crap. What, like just pinched right from- So get this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, my daughter sort of goes out to, to guides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as she's on her way out, the guy, she notices that the, the cover for my neighbor's motorcycle, which he, he parks in the road, um, covers it, locks it. The cover was on the floor and she thought, that's weird. And.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw a message from my neighbor on our little road whatsapp group and she said, uhm, did anyone see anything my husbands motorcycle is missing? And she was like, they must have stolen it in the last couple of hours. Everybody's checking their ring doorbell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is uh, this case is warm, we must tackle it before it grows cold. And I looked and there you can see these two scrotes, uh, in their tracksuits and hoodies with their masks on and everything. Coming along, and uh, they see the motorcycle, they wind up the cover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a look at it, go round the corner for a second, then come back, and one of the, one of the kids, he's, he's not old because he can barely get on the, the motorcycle, like his feet barely touch the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they, they, they can get to a park very quickly. Right. Or sort of like an area where you're sort of not on a road at all. Okay. So I have a feeling that what they've done is just wheel it off into the park. So my neighbour was like, I reckon they've hidden it under some branches and they'll come back for it at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the question. This is the question. I do not know. So whether it's just that easy to hotwire a motorcycle, uhm, whether my neighbour accidentally fucking left the key in it or something, I don't know. Uhm, but essentially they found it. So I was, like, stealing it was bad enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact they weren't even stealing it to sell for something important like drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or hookers or something. You know, they're just literally nicking it to fuck about when they're front evening and then dump it. And you think that's so fucking shit. Like that is really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly what they do. Uhm, you can see, like, when you see these lads walking around, you think, I've never seen that lad on my road, he doesn't live on this road, I wonder what he's up to. And it feels bad, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The point is, they are literally scoping it out. And multiple times, we'll have video that people have shown of like, they've had all their bicycles nicked from their shed. Uh, sometimes from the little lockable shed in the front garden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If something's about to rip, you get a stitch there. Stitch. It's not, you know, early. What do you hear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's not saying a stitch in time, you know, it's saying a stitch in time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you get, if you solve a problem early, it stops it exacerbating later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says it there. How's that on Wikipedia? I'd forgotten. So it is used in America as well. Apparently the original derivation was literally from people using French and then saying pardon my French, literally meaning excuse me for speaking French.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't hear that one. Well that means basically like, uh, giving something that's sort of, uh, fancy to someone who's not gonna make a use of it, basically, right? So it's sort of like- Yeah. Pearls before swine is like saying, you know, you show a pearl necklace to a pig, they ain't gonna give a shit about it, is basically-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It comes from the naval tradition of like, making sure you couldn't run up the white flag. You're nailing the colours to the mast, which means you're going to fly your colours, because when you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dreamt that uhm, I was on board a ship, and the captain of the ship was a Labrador.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the dog is the captain, he's got the full hat on, the regalia and everything, and the crew were like, Huzzah for Captain Dog! And the ship's coming along, and one guy's like, Captain Dog, we have spotted the French fleet!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's a dog, he just says nothing. He just stares straight ahead and they're like, Should we keep going, Captain Dog? He just says nothing. And then they keep going, and one of the lieutenants is like, Yes, their captain is right. We shall ride, we shall sail into them without changing direction. We shall pay them no heed. And they just keep going, they're getting blasted to bits, and a friendship comes up alongside them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Captain Dog sees a poodle, because it's a French poodle, as the captain of the French ship, and he jumps over to the ship, and the crew are like, the captain is boarding alone! And he just has sex with the poodle on the other...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although I sometimes, like sometimes you say, uhm, As baggy as a witch's sleeve, or a wizard's sleeve, you can say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that's what it means, is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So much of it is contextual. No one's ever sat down and explained to me what a lot of these things mean. You just get them. Here's a good one that I saw. This is one of the comments I think on the article. You could say to a really grumpy looking person that they had a face that could turn a funeral up a side street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, but, just as a change of pace, I just wanted to drop this out there for anyone interested. I played the Blood Bowl 3 beta, and it was dreadful. It was dreadful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they've come back somehow, apparently this is better, but it was really, really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But their UI, I don't know why they made some of the decisions they made, but it's really bad. Because it's really clumsy. Yeah, but a lot of people said, oh, it's because it's for the console version. But if you're looking at this UI on a console screen, or a Switch or whatever, you're gonna see even less. So, it was almost like they had never done a UI before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that bad. So it was actually insufferable. So I played one game. Oh and the first time I played the game crashed on me. And the second time I was just like, I'm done. This is just so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am, yeaah. Like, this is what, uh, Munt, my mate Munt actually said, he said it's weird because more often than not- Munticus. Munticus. If you have a game-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Thank you, thank you for joining us. Oh, no thank you. Wonderful, no it's wonderful to be here. No thank you. No thank you. No thank you. Okay, fine. Thank me, thanks to me. You gave in real quick. How are you guys doing? Pflux has rushed in, uh, late today, stuck in traffic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a police car that had a, had a tire missing, it was like, just had it's like, I dunno, it was very windy yesterday. It's gonna be worse tomorrow, as we record this. It was windy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Storm Dudley doesn't sound like he could blow much over. Neither does Eustace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same thing with fucking the Covid, though. I mean, people- all of these viruses obviously have actual-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just find it amazing how these things just make their way around the world, like, I always imagine it's one sick person on a plane, you know, sniffing away, and you see them, like, other people shine away from them, and they're like bleeding out of their eyes a little bit, you know, and you're like, oh no, this is how it gets out, you can't contain it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck. Could you imagine being named after that? It's better than KSI, I guess, that'd be weird. Or Wolverine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they do name storms, they do name storms. Let's call them foreign names, and that way we can be angry, and we can stoke the fires of our innate racism towards foreign cultures. Let's call it, let's call them all French names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why not? What about Quentin? They just don't. Cause otherwise it would just be Quentin over and over again and Quentin's will get really pissed off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a French name as well. So it happens. Yeah, Louis. Louis? There was a tropical storm, Louis. There was. What about Ted? Was there a storm, Ted? I'm sure there was. No mate, I'm the storm. I'm storm Ted. I'm just, I embody it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it would be Edward, I suppose. There's probably loads of them. Edward's fucking everything. You can't move for Edwards in Britain, can you? They bloody did everything. Built the schools as King Edwards and potatoes and everything. Your name slapped on it, it's like a cheap bit of royal branding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll just complain about something every day and not do anything about it. That's me in a nutshell, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 15 years at last. Every 15 years. Well, my eyes are back to normal basically now. I really need to wear glasses again. But I just like refusing. I don't have to drive, and I don't go outside. So, y'know, if there's a sign I can't read I just walk closer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is like, it is like a little bit of hassle, and it's not that bothering me at this point, but when it does bother me I will do it. But no, it's so freeing to not have to wear glasses, god. Like, one of the things that was worse was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of those sayings that says there is a good time to punch someone, there really isn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they have to be doing something deliberately arsy or annoying to me. I dunno, like, beeping, like, y'know, like, in a traffic light, but beeping a pedestrian, or like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people are like, punched, and like, like, like, I dunno, the whole TV bullying is completely different to real bullying. Real bullying is someone going,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That bothers you to the point where, you know, you're thinking about it all the time and you hate the guy. He'd had enough. And you're like, thinking about ways to just destroy him, um, but your ways to destroy him are, you know, maybe chucking his notebook in the river. Where are you going with this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some people hang around a place and look for this, though, right? I guess. I guess, like, most people, when they're out, they're going somewhere, or they're going to do something, or they've got something to go back to do, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of the passerby attitude where it's like, nope, sorry, I'm doing this thing. Whereas some people are just looking, they go out there and they're like, they're in a bad mood and they're looking for someone, some provocation, to justify their mind. I guess, yeah. They're just that little step, and they're like, oh, okay, this guy did this to me, and now I can fight him, or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Jeff Bezos, fucking Jeff, that's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a Jeff name, yeah. That's a Jeff. Uh, he's building a five hundred million, uh, pound super yacht. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well apparently it's one of these wireframe metal bridges though, and apparently it can be taken down, and so it's gonna be built up again and fixed and stuff, but apparently it's just cheaper, I guess, to do it that way round. And so the Dutch are obviously unhappy and have been egging his yacht. But where's he gonna park it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's just gonna fucking poke a hole in it and drop it into the briny deeps and then go down with his submarine that he's gonna commission and never look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, it's like the big dance culture scene, but also, no, like, it's one of these


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On you guys. So imagine you're a Covid protester, okay? You're mad about something for some reason. I'm not even really quite sure what they're angry about, but they're mad. And they're all out there with their umbrellas, it's raining, and that hasn't, you know, they've already put up with that, right? You know, that drives a lot of people off the rain. But no, they're New Zealanders, they're hardy folk. They can put up with a little bit of rain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see. So in fact you're very close. So they've been playing the Macarena. Right. Right. But also Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, they also played Children's Hits, Frozen, Let It Go, and Baby Shark, um, but then, a twist. Um, they were playing Banalo, Barry, Banalo, Barry Banalo's greatest hits, right? When James Blunt tweeted, give me a shout, if you need some help, use this.