[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If someone walks in and goes, I think I'm going to be at the Olympics, we'll go get a boat ticket right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it is, Merry Christmas to them, I don't know, yeaah. I mean, they gotta go, their school starts back up. Are they not in the regular schools?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they, they just say, so they don't, so it's not 2021.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how many, so they have, what's that, so they just keep going around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they keep sight. Yeah. So it's not like they have to. It kind of looks like that graph we looked at last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dragon rabbit, tiger, ox, pig, dog, rooster, monkey, goat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that would be so wonderful. January 5th, rooster. What's today's animal? That's a 25 bucks. Today's a penguin. Okay, so October 11th, penguin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they just, they're just like, we're doing our own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, 1390, like, so if you go, like, that's crazy. It's just 13, what is it, 1399? So next year is 1400 for them. Yep. It's a big year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's a big even one. They're just getting out of the middle ages. I bet they're doing all the, like what we did in 1999 and 2000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it was, uh, we were all scared of 1999, 2000. Oh yeah. Millennium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny that you would think that at least they'd be at the same number of us, like 99 there and like, there could be 1400 next year and we're 2021. There's no rhyme or reason to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why you don't date any of them because they're so old. They're old because they're, I mean, what do you got to meet? You introduce them to your parents? Uh, when were you born? 1384? Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That just means someone right now. Just, I mean, can you drink here yet? I don't know, were you born in 1360?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you were not born before 1360, you're like, I mean, my daughter can drink over there. Like, or maybe she can't. No, she's from the future. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One guy. Just one dude. I mean everybody's affected by it. Just one guy just walks in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was off. It was off. Yeah. Cause there's no year zero. Yeah, cause they didn't, why didn't they do zero? Uh, I think- Cause no one wanted to say zero that whole year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They wouldn't write a date on anything? I don't know if people were even writing, I guess. Were they writing? Yeah. Were you paying for stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say then they were, were they doing calendars then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you're, you're this, the system's running about the same. It's not like there's cars the next year. So a guy that's 20 years old at one AD is 21 at one BC. What's he doing? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I don't need too much, you know, him getting some tiring about how he's probably mad at the calendar change. You get too old, you get a guy that's 60, he's like, this is ridiculous that we're even doing this. He can't even think back, you know, too young doesn't care. He needs about a maybe 40 year old that goes, what's your opinion on it? And he's like, well, I'll tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Maybe they weren't making big calendar announcements. Yeah. You know, like it wasn't, it wasn't a big deal. You know, the newspaper came out and it's like today's today's this day today's that they were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all that's- Yeah, there's a lot of that. When were you born? A hundred sons ago. And you're like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? How old is he? 16 moons old. And you're like, oh wow, he's a little baby. Uh, 52 moons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't even worry about it. When did it get here? It felt like it got here pretty quick. I felt like I didn't send it that long ago and they go, you know what? It is quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the grand scheme of things, if you don't know, if there's not a number being thrown at you that goes, this is taking a long time, you don't know. I sent you that letter and you're like, I got here fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm a big fan of the Mayans though. I love what they do. Uh, yeah. I remember the Mayans calendar, like everybody, I remember people talking about the Mayans calendar. Uh, but they just, you know, got tired. 2012 they go, you get it. They should have wrote, et cetera. That's what they should have wrote. 2012, et cetera. I can't keep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they should've just said, they know it keeps going. By the time it gets to 2012, they're gonna be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But I mean, we didn't make up the BC. They made up the BC, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So why would you all of a sudden be like, well, we don't want, you know, you're like, well, cause they, they won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much BC talk is even going on in people's lives that they're so upset about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they just go before common, like if you're going to change it, change it. Don't just write off BC, be like change it, be like to complete, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy could be solving cancer and he's being a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should be 12,021. So that's what we're gonna do, man. We're gonna go change all the counters and be it. We gotta tweet everybody out to say, hey everybody, start writing 12,021 on your checks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all he'll say. Don't ask any more questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, it's, we, it was always like, can you name the starting lineup for the Kansas City Royals with a gun to my head? You're like, who, what kind of friend do you have that's got a gun to your head going, name this, name the shortstop of the 1989 Kansas City Royals. And you're like, ah,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's that into sports? Maybe we'll try it again. Bring it back. Kansas City Royals. Try it tonight. That's a good example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's no, I've only ever known in this code. Okay. Eastman got, got the raw deal. That's those old airlines that they used to, uh, there's some old airlines. My wife's dad would always mention some airlines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, like, it's, it's like Southeast airs. It's something that you're like, I've never, and he's like, I flew it all the time. It was like a main airline. It just went away? Yeah, it just goes away. I mean, you know, uh, what was the, god, like there was one on continental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that? I've heard of it. Yeah. Continental. I used to fly Continental and they switched to United and then they're all gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they combined them and now- Oh, they combined them. It didn't just change things. I was like, Continental was the first airline that I actually had some status on because I was starting to fly a lot and I would fly them a lot. And then United was joining and then they, they joined them and then they kind of weaned me off of them. And then it's just all United.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why. That's the great finish of what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The code, I mean look, I'm sorry that he died that way, uh, but, uh, he looked like he had, let me know, my work is done while wait, oh, in his final two years, he was in intense pain caused by a disorder affecting his spine. So he was in a ton of pain, that's why he did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But why he would not be listed with the Kodak? You've never heard of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is because that shows you if you got something going that's good as they did Eastman and Kodak, they got a good thing going and he goes, I kind of want to do this calendar. That's like someone that gets too rich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going, I have no idea by the way if any of this is true, but this is just what I've imagined. So if you're listening to this and you're part of the Eastman family, you might be like, that's not true at all. And you could be right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I bet the Kodak family loves hearing it to be honest. But they, if you, but that, that shows you right there that that hurts you. Like I would imagine that someone that gets so much power, that they, and they get so crazy, they go, you know what, I'm going to start my own calendar. And then Kodak's like, you can't, that's going to just, just do the camera stuff, dude. That's what we're doing. That's what we're really good at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not good at a calendar thing. Just cause you're rich doesn't mean you're smart, you know? And then he goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never. Never seen it. This is like, this was like his Festivus. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Couldn't keep it quiet, try to get it, try to make them start using it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's like one thing if you're doing it on your own, like, hey, I made this new calendar and you're like, but you start making everybody doing something like that and now your name's off. No one knows who you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He needs to come back in two weeks. Oh, sorry. Uh, and he needs to come back in seven Wednesdays from now. He just uses Wednesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, come on man, that's what you, that you can't tell me that plays into why his name is not on. He's just, he's like a guy that came so rich and famous or I don't know if they were famous, but they were, you're, you're, you just got a lot of money back then too. He was born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, 1917, like all that stuff. So he's, this dude's got just, he's just gigantic wealth and he gets-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then his name's off, just use Kodak Films. Yeah, I bet Kodak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's the month we have to be off. We're closed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you, so you just looked at the calendar and if it was blue. You gotta go to work. It's like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hit nail wall. Like that's just like caveman's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When your day, when you see the color yellow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just come up with a better, I know that's what, but we try to keep getting off the system and then it's like, it all kind of comes back. It does. Well, we got a pretty good thing going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but that's like, are people working that day or do you have to do stuff that day? Like that's, that's the, I think these people, they make these new counters, they don't go in. So what do you do on that day? It's like, well, we all stay at home and you stand at, you stare at the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, I don't, you know, it's like, they don't think, alright, but everybody's gotta live a regular life. Like, they don't introduce holidays. Right. Holidays would be, is the idea that these people think of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, where do you go? Where, where, where do you, where do you go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you throw the idea out, and then you start doing it, then I guess you can start with your company. But I mean, how do you get it, how do you, if I want to start a new calendar right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how it starts, yeaah. We want to do just our own calendar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it said, like 1 a.m. would be like, well, it's technically tomorrow. So you want to get rid of like technically tomorrow. Yeah. But I think you got to pick a time. Well, I would say 5 a.m. 5 a.m.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see like 2am, 3am, I don't know. Midnight it starts over, the next, it's technically part of the next morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like when you wake up, doesn't it be like, well now you start on the first part of the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I think I would say, I would say I like everything. I would say I would like to change it. They go, great. I go, what do you want to do? I go, I think it's pretty good actually. And let's keep it the same and then people will cheer. I would change daylight savings. That would be done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it. I would just do that. You'd get rid of it? Yea, get rid of it. No, keep it. Oh, keep, yea, yea, whatever you do to make it a better one. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] March 21st? I think so, yeaah. Oh. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you want it March 1st. Yeah, I'd like it maybe April 1st. So you can wrap that around your big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. But you'd rather be watching. I thought it was all just, I thought it was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you always get it earlier. Like, you know, it's, you're never like today's the day. Like in March sometimes, you know, I would do groundhog day more serious. I would take it more serious in my calendar. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, cause I'd want to, I'd want his opinion on things. So I would, it would be not just a funny holiday. It would be something we take seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And make the, instead of it being 28. Yeah, if it, if it sees a shadow, we're going to make that word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you work in the boundaries that you have. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Is it, y'all didn't just leave with it open?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just leave the car door at the park. No, like just throw it in the back of the van. I guess we had room and we have six of us in there. It was packed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to do the three different ideas. Uh, while we have seven days in a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, just felt right, you know? Is it cause it's the moon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of them. Moon cycles? Is it biblical at all?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. So those were Tuesday was like, well, it's Tuesday, like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We ain't going to do it. Where are you guys from Lebanon, Tennessee? And we ain't doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would all just die, right? We'd all die for sure. I don't think we'd even know what happened. You'd be like just, you wouldn't even see the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like your insides would feel normal. Then it's just, yeah, it'd be, it'd be ugly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think we'd ever know. Do you think we'd just die instantly? Yea. I would hope so. Yea, I guess you're right. I'd rather die than die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you might have been like, you'll wake up and, you know, China's over here, like in the, you know, cause that map, everything just flips, goes with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Superman did, Superman did that at one point, right? He made it, he stopped it and sent it back the other way. We went back. So just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then, but then is everything going in reverse? And then we all start walking around backwards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm. Everywhere you go, you have to walk backwards because you're going to reverse. Never know where you're going. Where are you going? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would be jogging backwards as I say this, me and two guys jogging backwards. I'm like, I'm surprised I was jogging this much. Would you rather go backwards or forward in your life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're not going to remember, but you're going to say, are we going to eat? Are you hungry? You're like, I'm starving right now. So I hope I eat, go eat. And then you're just along for, I think you're along for the ride. I don't think you can ever, you ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You'd be like, well, I'm not hungry right now. And you're like, and then you would get, I guess you would go from hungry to, you'd go from full to not hungry or to hunger. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I lost my home. I left my wallet there. Oh, don't worry. I'll get it. I'll get it again. And you just, and you start backing out. That's how it would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think backwards would be tougher to do than forward because everything's got to go back, everything's already existed. Forward is like nothing exists there so you could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I did and apparently didn't follow through because it was to stop this fun. Uh, so I'm already out. No, uh, I, uh, no, I'm going to, I'm going to try to eat better. But this year is like, I've been working out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm trying to get a lot better at golf. I practice a lot of golf, especially this downtime. Uh, so for me, mine's done comedy related. I mean, I'm hoping once comedy gets going, I'll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to, I plan on being back in the road, but that's career stuff. I don't think it's really resolution. Like I'm just going to trust. I'm hoping that I'm going to write better material, tour a ton and get better as a standup. Uh, and then for like, I want to get really good at golf. I'm at like a four handicap. I'd love to get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I know how good good is. And so I know how far off I am. And, uh, so I would love to get, I want to get to a scratch at some point in my life would be great. Uh, which is a ton of work and then I want to work out and I've got to eat better. I know that because I I'm actually working out now and I'm not seeing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I feel stronger and stuff's getting stronger, but I don't see results. And that's because I eat. You know, I've had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Krispy Kreme twice since the Krispy Kreme challenge, then you can't do that. You can't do stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't do it as a joke and then basically eat the same amount again as a regular day. You know, uh, so that's my, yeah. So it's not, yeah, I guess it's new years. You feel like I start here, but I don't, I won't keep a, you know, journal or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's healthy. I think if you go to Panera, it's way better. I look at stuff, it's like if you go do, if I just stopped eating, like for me, if I stopped eating fast food, we'd be off to a great start. Yeah. Cause you just naturally can't not go eat as bad. But yeah, that's good. Yeah. All right. Sorry to do it. Yeah. All right. I'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have it with, I get it. I don't have it because I, there's my old joke. I want you to not do see my nipples through my shirt and I have a big problem with that. And, uh, so I would love to get that. I would love, I know my buddy, Graham K.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but Graham's got a great body. And I remember we went shopping once and I was like, he can just put on stuff like you can put on a mannequin. Where it's just, you know, it's, it's just do this. He's like, I'll wear that. I don't care. They don't care. I mean, you see kids, kids just wear, they can wear whatever. And it all just looks fine. And then the way ours drapes, yeah, it's pretty interesting. Drapes off some weird spots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. 66 days. That's, you know, depends on the counter you're using, but that's, it could be four years to two months. Two and a half moon cycles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cancel it, I think we, I forget why, maybe Laura did. Yea. You get Laura to do it, she'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would go, but I never think you're not big like Ralph.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot younger than Ralphie though. That's true. That's true. You gotta get started on it. Ralphie I think was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you worked out, you would be, I don't, I wouldn't look at you as like, I'd always say, I don't think if I saw you, I would never think of you as like, oh there's this fat guy. I would be like, he's just a big dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they would do it all the time. The fact that you gotta go in is, it's, I mean, it's brilliant. Yeah, it is brilliant. It's like, I kinda respect them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta go in and be like, I wanna, just go in and you should go do it now and tell us what happens. Okay, I'll go in. And you have to do it at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to cancel, please. This is the first day of the rest of my life. And then you're going to go out there and this is also still the first day of the rest of my life of just the opposite of not having.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad played full pad. In college? My picture up there is where I'm under his leg, he's like hiking the ball to me. Oh yeaah. That was, he went to Jveka and they played full pad and one thing I remember from that was, I mean I'm 5 years old and I would always go there and I'm wearing, watching my dad play so I'm wearing all the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Football stuff, my little plastic football stuff and I'd play on the sideline. And I remember this guy got hit in the face and he comes over. His whole face was just covered in blood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a different calendar back then. Our parents did a different calendar for a little bit. The Bargatzee calendar. Yea, we had a Bargatzee calendar for about two years and then, uh, our two, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we kept it, we counted one year as a sunset. I don't know. Alright, we're running out of stuff. We're good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine telling the other guys in jail, what are you in for? I put my son in a balloon. I told everybody. I told everybody I did. I put my son in a balloon. Did you? No. My wife went living.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just mad about it. I tried. A dumb wife wouldn't let me do it. He's like, I get it man, what'd you do? I killed my wife. You're like, oh, that's, you're like, oh. Alright, uh. Can I plug, can I plug a show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to Zany's everybody. January 13th. Yeah. Get your tickets, uh, limited seating. So get your tickets while you can. Yeah. Cause it's going to be, I bet it's already doing pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I don't know. How's that mural doing? Uh, we got a new picture and so I did a different picture and so we sent it to them and then so hopefully we used a picture from a newest picture. Yeah. Uh, so hopefully that'll be up. I don't know. So we'll see. Go watch, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the guest book. I don't know why. The work, the mural, all the works. Go watch the guest book. About to come out on Hulu. If you haven't seen it, it's a great show, Gregor. I'll see you. As always, thank you guys for, uh, listening. We truly appreciate your comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. And we love reading them every time. Uh, make sure you do all the stuff. What are you supposed to do? Do all the stuff you're supposed to do. And we can't thank you enough for listening. We'll talk to you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You compared it to a gymnast landing and then they like collect themselves. That's exactly what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Called out a lot for people, jesters, jesters. Yeah. You can say gestures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're still, we're still reading the definition of philosophy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, these are all Greek names. Ari? Yeah, think about Ari.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said that in that song. You know what song I'm talking about? I thought that was Katy Perry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a tough way to look at the world, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The father of... Podcast philosophy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to NateLand, I'm Nate Bargatze, sitting here with Aaron Weber, Brian Bates as usual, uh, welcome back, uh, glad to have you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm wearing a sweater, I get asked sometimes about this, but this is a buddy of mine, Adam Agee, a guy I golf with, he gave me a sweater. He's in a band, and he sings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that their logo? Yeah. Cause it's Adam Agee, AA. Oh. Uh, so I, uh, you know, I don't just, he didn't ask for this. I said I'd wear it on the podcast and, uh, he's good golfer. Really good golfer. Yeah. Better than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, probably right now. We're close. We would play, we match up very well together. He hits it very far. Very long hitter. Much longer than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I almost called him last week. I let him know. I was like, I'm getting close. How do you feel about that? You know, just chirp out there a little bit about golf. I like people that don't like golf stuff. We just, it's out in the open now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you go to the side where your back's to everybody? Or you just go to an end? Cause you're left handed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all open to be able to be hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you got sideways to hear a ball can shoot off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the tough part about being left handed is you have to face the right handed hitter next to you. Yeah. If you don't get the right direction. I'd never thought about that. And so you're just looking, cause like when everybody's, if everybody's right handed, everybody, you can see just the person next to you, but you're back. No, you know, that guy's probably looking at you, but you don't see him looking at you and you're left handed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when a left handed golfer goes to range, like at our course, our ball, all the golf balls are just already laid out there and they're in like a, uh, basket. And so they always have to move the basket over to the other side. And it's always a nightmare when you got to go there and you're like, why are these dumb balls on the wrong side? It's these left handed, these left handed people coming in ruin it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is, they have, you have to face each other. And uh, yeaah. As long as you didn't get one sideways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the... Oh, I've hit one through my legs before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a great video, uh, I just sent it to my brother, but a guy hits and he misses, it's teed up and it goes right under. And then he's looking down at the ball, keeping his eye on the ball and the ball just comes straight up and hits him in the eye. I mean, unreal. That's why golf is so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it so much and what makes it so funny is stuff that seems impossible happens and it happens to the worst. I mean, for you to be able to swing a full swing with a driver, teed up and make the ball hit you in the eye. I mean, you just can't, no one can do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't replicate it if you tried, you know? You just can't. Yeah. And for that to happen, that's, that's the, that's the beauty of golf is just you, your club, you hold it wrong, you dig a bad swing. Duffing it is, you know, you're at least like, all right, it went forward. Right. But I mean, it can go size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He was hidden in the net, just to quick tell the story. And he just, uh, was sliced it, I guess to his, he sliced it and all. And so like he's hitting, he's kind of hidden farther back cause he just took lessons. And so he's hidden farther back and the range is up. And so, but up to the right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he slices it and it just comes flying down the line.


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[Assistant] Of people. And he has to yell, BORR!


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[Assistant] Like people don't know where it's coming from, like they don't understand what's happening. As far as they know, everybody's hitting in line with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it just comes and there's a net there to try to stop it, but his slice was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the ball, which is crazy to think that you can hit a ball that goes straight and takes a hard right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then almost gained speed at that turn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean man, when you get, when somebody else four you on a golf course, you just, Ryan Malone, he's, he's like BWAH! He's a very deep four, we all love his four, cause it's very just like BWAH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a guy one day behind us playing and he was yelling for...


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[Assistant] I mean, it was every hole. And you're like, what are you, what's happening back there? Like, I mean, every, I've had fights, that's where fights happen. People hit into people. And, uh, I've, I've had it where I've almost, someone got into it with us, our neighbor, our neighbor hit, uh, one guy hits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ball goes on this tee box, my neighbor Dwayne, and he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes on his tee box, these people take it off, so they look at us and throw their hands up like, what are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, it's sitting there. You're like, I always think when someone hits into you, you always should go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't get mad. What do you think they want to hit into you? Do you think that they're going, I hope I get into a argument with this stranger? No, nobody wants to hit into you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so we have to go over there and we're like, dude, and I tell him that, I'm like, no, we're not trying to. He yelled four, you didn't hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're sorry, but obviously, obviously why we're not trying to hit into you. And then as we do that, my other neighbor, Felix, that's with us, he's kind of near us off to the side a little bit and he's hitting and he's hitting in an opposite direction. And I get everybody kind of calmed down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Felix hits it to the right and hits the cart with the guy's wife in it.


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[Assistant] I can't apologize for that one because I don't know what his plan was with that. But I mean, just to get the emotions calmed down, that's what I, yeah, golf is just, it's beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, basketballs don't shoot off in weird directions. Like, I just love the idea of like, it's just, you see stuff. The worst golf in the world could hit a shot that a trick shot artist couldn't do. Because they're just so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Augustine, who just played at the AMX tournament, he can top one on purpose. And so he'll do that when people come and they'll be like, hey, this guy's playing in the Masters. And they're like, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they all watch him at the driving range and he'll just top it and it goes just nowhere. And they're like, oh, that guy is playing the message. All right. So we talked about golf. Uh, can't help it. I'll have to start my own golf podcast and just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, uh, as always, we'll start off with comments, uh, from YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Apple Podcasts, Reviews, uh, or you can email us at naitland at naitbargetzi.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Max Parsons. Most people say those were simpler times when referring to pre-internet, cell phones, social media, etc. But not Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that how you say it? Neanderthals. Neanderthals. Neanderthals. When Neanderthals, there's no way they use that word to describe themselves. That's too big of a word. They didn't, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we, we call them a gigantic word. I'm trying to do a new joke about big words. Big words are just to make people feel stupid. And that's, and that's, and that would be that. And I might actually use that in the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pay for your, so y'all can say your education means something, so y'all talk different. Alright, Nate sees the simpler times as being when Neanderthals...


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[Assistant] That's like Bartholomew, like I have a real hard time with that one. Nate sees December times as being with Neanderthals, had to eat 10 hours a day to stay alive and gave almost a sigh of disappointment that things aren't that way anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the Seinfeld of podcast, a show about nothing, but somehow it's funny and I keep coming back for more. PS, please do more states. We are gonna do more states. Thank you very much. Uh, yeah. So yeah, cause I said it was, when they, 10 hours a day to stay alive. You said something like, but the winning, they didn't have anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a simpler time. It was a simpler time. Is that not a simpler time? For sure. That is the simplest time. You just gotta eat. That sounds like a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they don't know that. You know, it's not like they are living behind a Publix going, what's in there? And they don't know that just they can get, you know, well, you can just buy fish in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they had no idea. People don't, you don't know until you know later. That's right. You don't know what you don't know. Simpler times. Yeah. Kaitlyn McKinsky. Could be right. McKinsky or McKinsky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caitlin, I work at a university. My plan is to become a professor so I feel like I can help clear up the confusion. All professors teach courses. An adjunct is hired semester to semester and paid per course rather than salary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An adjunct. Still not, is that better? You're hired semester to semester and paid per course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She get cash after you get done teaching your class. They just walk up and give you a hondo. They give you a couple hundred, a little extra for Christmas. And you're like, ah, I appreciate it. This history has been pretty fun to me actually. I mean, just to get, you're just piece by piece. She wants to be a regular, a real professor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Oh yeaah, so that's the general idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they just like to bounce around. It'd be someone, do they, do they want to be a professor though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happy with what he's doing. Yeah. He does, he's not trying to be something that he doesn't, he's like, oh, I like this. I get to do my own thing, mix it up. Yeah. Okay. I wonder if they make as much though as a professor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so it's like a side thing, like she likes teaching. Yes. Yes. Okay. So what I'm saying though, it's not a full on, but if she doesn't want to be a full professor, she has no desire, but she's like, I still like to teach. Yeah. And it's, yeah. Okay. I mean, I didn't know we had an adjunct professor in this world. Oh yeah, we had a whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's like, you're doing it, and it's just, it's a good thing for your resume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That should come up with a better name. Adjunct doesn't sound, you know, I would almost, if you're, if I'm interviewing and you go, I'm an adjunct professor, I'd be like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lauren Alessa, Alissa, I'm from Las Vegas and I just wanted to let Aaron know that the casinos each have a signature fragrance that is pumped into the air vents so it creates a certain smell in the hotels. I'm assuming other places probably have this too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a very way to say it where you're just annoyed with the person talking. Casinos do it, I'm assuming other places too. And then you go, well I said other places probably do it too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're inventing just like something that's also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Already invented, but you're just like, what if we did it in tree houses? And you're like, oh, I guess that's never been done. And you go, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that said speak really, really loud. Microphone is broken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy was, it's like, uh, Beauty and the Beast. Uh, isn't he Gustav? Isn't it Goose something? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] They might have been abandoned. I asked our host family while the babies were sitting there alone, to which they responded, who wants to bring a crying baby into the store with them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These people literally left their babies outside unattended in 1988. Times have changed. Keep up the great work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've seen this. I've read something about that. Yeaah. They would, they just, it was, it was almost like it was that safe of a place that you could leave your baby. In Finland? In Finland. I think, look, if you're brave enough, I think you could leave a baby at a Walmart, Nolensville Road. I was just trying to make up something. I think you could leave it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think someone that wants to steal a baby, you have to be, you know, you might go, hey, we should steal that baby. And someone's like, that's a, what are you going to do with the baby? And you're right. And then they would move on. I think it's, I mean, people are stealing babies, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would have to, it'd have to be, you'd have to get someone that's prepared to steal a baby. Yeah. But I mean, I'm definitely not going to, I was not saying we should leave babies. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't in this confidence.


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[Assistant] Paul Emmy Mueller. Hearing Nate give advice about healthy eating because he feels better after his week of homemade steak and burritos is like listening to a newlywed couple give relationship advice.


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[Assistant] Paul, let me tell you something. We have gone off the rails. So, uh, people don't understand me eating just homemade steak and burritos is a gigantic step.


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[Assistant] If you're eating processed food all the time, trust me, it is huge. And I'm just trying to give, cause my problem with healthy, when people talk about eating healthy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, you know, people always say, they, uh, I might have talked about it, but eating fruit, someone would be like, oh, you don't eat too much fruit. No one's getting fat because they're eating too much fruit. No one is, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a big guy, like, what do you do? Like, I just have an orange problem. That's just not, that's not happening. But like real healthy people, I do get the idea. They don't, you shouldn't eat that much fruit because there's sugar in the fruit. But for me, like, eat all the fruit you want. Do whatever you want. The guy that's going to help me eat better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which is Kluge, uh, Matt McQuiston is a strong man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but he's, he's really just like, just getting, I'm just trying to get you to eat at home. He's like, let's just eat at home and then we will make adjustments from there. And that's what I'm saying to, there's a lot of people that don't, I don't understand healthy stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, it's just people who are in town, you gotta go eat with someone and like, it's, you gotta like, you don't realize how much you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we have, uh, a buddy coming in this week. I had Justin Smith stop by. He was doing a road gig. I'm starting to become the house. If the comic has a long road gig, I let him stay here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, I mean, we're good friends with Justin, and so Justin was driving to Elon. University's like a 17 hour drive from Oklahoma, so he came here and stayed, went and did the show, came back and stayed, and then drove back home. Uh, but like Justin was here, so then we go eat, and then you know, you have the fight, you just like have like stuff, it's like very hard to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For someone like me and I go, I really should just go, let's just get a burger somewhere. Like, you know, so that's where I'm going, but I do, I do, yeah, I get it. I'm not definitely not healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The UFC fight. Yea. Yea, McGregor. Great fight. Poirier. Great fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the other kid, the one, the one before him, Chandler, uh, he's local. Nashville guy. Nashville guy. Trains here. Uh, so yea, UFC is, I love UFC. UFC, you may tell you what UFC does good, what they do so good is, uh, their post conference is wonderful. UFC is becoming one of my favorite leagues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How open and like they just talk about stuff is no league does it. I'm so tired of NFL interviews and NBA, you know, it's like, how was it? Well, the game was like, whatever, but they say the same stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you going to do next year? They're like, I don't know what I'm going to do next year. And I get that they might, some might not know, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, there's no answers. No one gets any answers out of these. They ask them the same dumb questions. They answer the same ways. You interview Nick Saban after every- Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's he gonna say? Will they play hard? We didn't play hard? You're like, no one cares, dude. Like, give us something. Or don't do the interview.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they do it, uh, I mean, I watched a post, so Dana, Dana White goes, and he's, so the big question with UFC is Khabib.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to the post-conference, and they said have you, you know, every, the only question people want to know is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Khabib think he'd want to fight one of these guys? And uh, he goes, yeah, I talked to Khabib and Khabib just said, Dana, be, be honest with yourself. I'm better than all of these guys. It's a waste of my time to fight them. But Dana said that to us. Dana went from talking to Khabib and then told us.


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[Assistant] No league does that. If you're asking Tom Brady if he's gonna come back every week.


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[Assistant] There's not an answer. I don't know. I don't know. He's not gonna go. There's no answer. Maybe, you know. It's all this cat and mouse kind of game.


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[Assistant] With Dana, it's like, nah, nah, talk to me, man. He doesn't, he wasn't impressed with anybody. And they just openly just say everything. And that's, man, that's a, is a breath of fresh air as far as watching. I mean, I watched the post, I watched the entire.


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[Assistant] Uh, post-conference. I mean, it's an hour and a half. I just watch everybody come out. They call each other out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say what they want to go do. Dana says like, he, you know, he doesn't always like say what kind of fights he's playing in, but he kind of goes, yeah, I talked to him. I'm trying to plan it. Let's see what happens. See, you know, being transparent, right? That is, that's it. It feels great. And the UFC does a really good job at that. And, and they do a really good job of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having big fights, you know? Yeah. Cause I'm a, I'm a big fan of UFC, but I only know so many guys. I'm not as, I'm not into mixed martial arts where I know all, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody. I didn't really know who that Chandler guy was. But he had a good story and he was fun. And uh, alright. Matthew Gerber. Gerber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From the Gerber? The Gerber baby. What if that's, I mean, he could be loaded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. 36 Donuts is making wheels. No problem. Love it! Is there? Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And you said you can make wheels. Is that what you're saying? I said, I could easily make a wheel on Brian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Nobody did. I didn't say it would be easy, man. I said I'd figure it out. As you go speak to the town and go, I think I want to try to make a wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to make a will. And then you're like, we will make it. You're like, I just wanted y'all to know that I'm thinking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. You do it, you gotta be around enough different people to do that. So your network of people you're saying that to can't be the same people because they're going to see through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy that guy's real name. Uh, penguin, penguin is one thing, but how about how Brianna pronounces wheel? Wheel? How do you say it? Probably like me. You both say it the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weel. Weel. Yeah. Weel. Yeah, we don't do enough wheel. Oil. Oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you're supposed to say it. We say old. I gotta get my old changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say that a lot, if someone's outside of talks like me, they're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even say it. I go, I say motor oil. Cause I know that you're at least put that together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, we say tin-full. Yeah. Yeah, we just, that's how it is. Wheel. Well, I talked about, they had to change all the words for me on, uh, wheel. David Robertson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only know this because I visited my brother on a naval basis in Hawaii and we had to take the wiki wiki bus from Honolulu airport. It means quick quick. It is now germane to looking things up quickly online.


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[Assistant] Wiki, wiki wiki bus. That's a very funny bus to take. Uh, you're not on that long, but it's fun to, fun to, by the time you stop laughing, you're off. Joseph Wolniski.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wonsky, Nate, a gasp is a breath in, not a breath out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kept excelling when reacting Aaron's gasp about the iPhone. It sounded like you were exasperated, not amazed. Reenacting. That was a lot of things during that. Yeah, I saw some people commented on, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, All Things Comedy posted that clip. And then people were commenting, I saw those, like they're like, yeah dude, were you not impressed with the iPhone? Like, the idea of people understand anything about comedy to go, yeah dude, what do you think? I'm just like, no, I'm not bro. I'm not impressed by the iPhone. I mean, my God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did, like, the whole, like, the podcast should just be like, uh, wow, I gasped. Yeah, you should have. It was a new iPhone. Next, next thing. Let's move on to the next thing. Uh, I mean, people just take the, they suck the fun out of life, dude. Like, everything's so serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bradley Gek, I would love to see Aaron call and try to cancel his gym membership live on the podcast. Keep up the good work, folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should do it. We should feel, we, we should, have you canceled it? No. And then, uh, yeah, I mean, there's no way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause we can hook up like the phone call and stuff and all that. Uh, yeah, yeah, we're, alright, we'll do it. Try to do it next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Magic Spoon! This episode is brought to you by Magic Spoon. I've been eating Magic Spoon. It's like cereal, like we've always said, cereal I ate as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk about eating healthy. This is a way to do it. This is like a trick that you feel like you're eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids cereal, the best cereal, the fruity, the cocoa, and it's easy, it tastes great, you guys have been eating it, you guys are liking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I, I, I love it. It's, it's, I mean, it's, you know, again, eating at home, which is my main focus in Magic Spoon is just, you can, you know, can't really be lazier than cereal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cereal is the easiest, healthiest. The easiest meal to put together. Yes. For sure. Just that, milk, do whatever you want. Water, if you were being a weirdo. Uh, zero sugar, 11 grams of protein, and only 3 net grams of carbs in each serving. 4 flavors, cocoa, fruity, frosted, and blueberry. It tastes amazing. I mean, I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low-carb, and GMO-free. It's all of the free stuff you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to magic spoon dot com slash nate to grab a variety pack and try it today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And be sure to use our promo code Nate at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product it's back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No questions asked. So make sure you go, do magic spoon. Look, start your day off. If you're going to do one meal, make it nice and easy. You're not, no one's around. You don't have to, lunch is always with someone. Dinner, you're always eating out. Just do a nice and easy quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Magic Spoon. That's magic spoon dot com slash Nate and use the code Nate to save five dollars off. We thank Magic Spoon for sponsoring the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple things that we've had happen, uh, uh, recently is, uh, we've noticed, uh, speaking of Wiki,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our Wikipedia page has been updated. Yeaah, that's so great. Yeaah, or mine. Yeaah, yours. Uh, on July 8th, 2020, Bargetti started a podcast titled The Nate Land Podcast, which is available on YouTube and Spotify. Bargetti co-hosts a lighthearted podcast with fellow comedians Brian, Boo Boo Bear, Bates, and Aaron, Like the Grill, Webber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The podcast revolves around the three hosts picking a seemingly benign topic like calendars or weather and then spiraling hilarious downhill to the point where Nate usually declares the topic the worst they've ever chosen or declaring himself confused and incredulously asking his fellow co-host questions about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything, everyday things. The podcast has been touted as a show about nothing and the hosts frequently make references inside jokes out of the TV sitcom Seinfeld and The Office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A frequent tradition is for Nate to open the show with Hello Folks, deemed the official name for Nate Land podcast followers. The first 30 minutes is usually dedicated to comments from viewers, listeners about the previous show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Typical comments are usually raves about the previous topic, people adding facts or correcting the group, and most hilariously, expressing their disdain for Barghetti, Bates, or Weber, or the show as a whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barghetti famously stumbles through, famously, stumbles through reading the comments, usually ending up with some rant or comic bit in the process. The show has received great critical acclaim with reviews doubling it insightful and lighthearted as well as ridiculously funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recently, Weber was fan-diagnosed with gout at the young age of 28.


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[Assistant] And his scary gout foot is now a running gap.


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[Assistant] And after having this name mistaken early in the series, Brian is now frequently referred to by the wrong name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My personal life, Barghetti currently resides in Mount Juliet, Tennessee at a home with no front door. He lives with his wife, Lorraine Baines Barghetti, daughter to Lula, brother Wolf, and dog, macaroni Barghetti. Warf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, man, that's a, that's a lot. That is great. That's funny. That's a very, whoever did that and it's really, really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I'm hoping. Uh, I did want to talk about eating, or talk about eating out like I eat out the other day. Uh, this has nothing to do with anything except, uh, chives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta, these places gotta chill out on these chives, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're throwing it on everything. Uh, yeaah. Everything. What happened? I had it on, I mean, eggs. It's just, it's loaded with chives. It's like I said, eggs and extra chives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it looks like I asked for extra. I don't, my tomatoes, no tomatoes, no onions restaurant that I want to open, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These- the people throw chives around like it's- You're gonna make it no chives too at this restaurant? Well, that's an onion. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, isn't chives an onion? I didn't know what it was. Yeah, it's an onion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, there's not a design in the chives, it is just plumped on there. If there's a heart around my eggs and chives, then we can talk. But they are just thrown on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are we, what are we at, the nicest restaurant on earth? No. I'm talking about every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to say no chives, I swear. And I could, I think I've had chives, I think someone's had chives on, uh, dessert before. On ice cream. I'm almost positive I did somewhere. That I could be making up completely. But in my head, it, it's, it happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they always give me, I don't think to ask. And now I've gotten better. I try to get better where I just go in and I always go, no chives. I know you. And then, cause we just act like it. Dude, chives were banned from this country, uh, not too long ago. And one of the greatest times of my life, the most free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and so they had to just get rid of chives. Cola or something? And I mean, I ate out every day with just complete confidence. I mean, I felt like a normal person not having to say, no, I don't want any something. I was like, yeah, just bring it out. As long as no chives are being thrown around. They throw chives and onion. And onions are tasty. It's, it's, it's not, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, was it parsley? Parsley is like, that's what you put on that's like a show. If you want to bring the plate out to be nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone could order no onions and they still put chives on it. Yeah. And that's because it's like just, wow, it's decoration. I don't eat direct, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, I'm ordering the food. Yeah. I'm ordering eggs. I would like to eat the eggs. Yeah. I don't, when you sit down, I don't think anybody's walked out of a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the plate looked, it was like, ugh, this looks pretty rough. Put like a layer rose on the plate. I'd be fine with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna do some plate presentation? Maybe don't do white plates, do different color plate. How about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly no one's, I just wanted the public to get it out there. No one cares. Everybody's just, cause you assume you're supposed to just be fed chives is what you assume. You're just like, that's, it is what it is. You get chives. They come with chives, but it's, it's like, you don't ever, they don't say it in the description. So I don't know to not ask for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's just like, oh yeah, we are just putting onions on everything. And it's a problem. It's a problem for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. A lot of stuff. Yeah. Big potato, you least know they usually, that's kind of goes with, if you want to. That's part of a loaded big potato. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like if you, but they, they throw it on stuff where you don't expect it. And then you're like, what are these doing? Do they throw in a pasta? Like, and they're just sprinkling and it's just, you can't get that out. You can't get that out. I'll just try to pick it out. And it's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you know, it's like when Kramer's chewing gum in the dough that he made, where it just like, he gets mixed in, you're like, yeah, you're not getting it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eggs are tough to scrape it off too. Cause then you, you know, you get them over medium, little yolk. It's like surgery cause you can't pop that yolk yet. So, alright, this is, but I wanted to make a point. I'm hoping there's a change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Today we were going to talk about jobs, kind of odd jobs that we've had. And, uh, yeah, you were, where'd you work at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bluegrass. I got a hat from them. I've wore it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll wear it again, but like, uh, there, yeah, I did my mid a.m. tournament. Didn't make it. I'm trying to do, I'm trying to do real tournaments. It was a very funny, we do this mid a.m. tournament. So if anybody doesn't know, and the other thing about golf, we talk about golf, anybody, like I could go try to make the U.S. open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you can go, you can go qualify in these, all these small areas. That's what open means, right? That's what open means. I mean, there's no, you know, if you want to play in the NFL, you're not just like, Hey, go try every year. And, but so golf, they have like amateur tournaments, mid-amateur tournaments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so mid-amateur is, is, you know, I'm about, that's where I'm at. And you try to make a cut and then you can go play in like the state mid AM. You play like a full four round thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I played in it, uh, last year. I'm gonna try to play in it every year. I like, it was so much fun. It's real, real golf, real tournament. You know, the rules are all birdied the first hole and then kind of crumbled after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but one guy we played with, he shot so bad. And I think he's a good golfer, it just wasn't going for him. And uh, I mean, he was all over the place, dude. And the 10th, we get on number 10, which is kind of by that restaurant, and they got water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no par three. He hits it into the sand, goes in the water, and then has to go back to the sand to place. Anyway, then like, I think goes in the water. I mean, he gets him in like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is the funniest way to put, like he just quit. Like he's like, this isn't happening. And just to go, I got a long drive ahead of me. Like he was like, yeah. And you're like, I'm going to get, he just left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he just left after, cause it was like it was over. Uh, but it was very fun, uh, to do, but yeah, that was at your bluegrass year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the cooks are just putting the plate up there and then you're going, and like, you know, I did it at Applebee's and, uh, and you just kind of look and you go, all right, this is ready. You know, table 35 chicken, whatever broccoli chicken, Alfredo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I mean, it's like, it's like people hang that poster on the wall when they're trying to be a professional ballerina when they're six years old and their toes are bleeding and it's going, don't show them all your hard work. But I would imagine, yeah, also running food is a long- Well, I was the Michael


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were, you were very good at it. That's a big analogy. I mean, do you know that analogy is like, you only know that analogy from them at that restaurant? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm just wondering. You never, you miss, uh. That's the only thing I've used it for. You miss 100% of the shots that you take. Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott, Aaron Webber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that would be very funny to only be called bluegrass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bluegrass, yeaah. The only, the only, uh, all your references are just, like all these things. You're like, where'd you hear that? You're like, ah, this guy I used to work with. It's a big saying, man. Like, uh, uh, yeah, it's, well, I did like that about waiting tables. I love the idea of waiting tables. It is, it is the chaos of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're like in the world, I used to, I used to, when we'd wait tables, I was, you know what everybody's eating that you're serving. You kind of know where they're at, you know, that they, oh, they probably need drinks now. They probably need this. And so it's like, what's going on in your head? You couldn't even describe, like describe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your just brain is just like going and it is inside the kitchen is nuts. Yeah. Screaming, yelling, all this stuff. And then you go outside. It's like, hello. And you're presenting yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Did, uh, they, they could go eat downstairs in shorts. Yeah, they could go eat at the. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, hey Mr. Johnson, there's a, there's an Arby's that's about to close. If you want to take those hot legs over there. Otherwise, if you want any of what we're doing in here, let's class it up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I worked at a golf course. Uh, I worked at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hermanage Golf Course, one of my first jobs, Opryland, also Opryland Theme Park, and Hermanage were my first two, uh, when you're young jobs. And, uh, we lived down the street from, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Herman's golf course, we could never have played there. Growing up, it was expensive to play there. But then there's all these trees and then that street we lived on. So I could walk down our street and then cut through these trees to get to the golf course. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it would look like it's just like a poor person's entrance into this golf, you know, like how we got to go in, just like through, like I'm going like under a fence and thorns and then you're like, eh, age is in a parking lot. And, uh, so I worked at Herman's golf course and I would, we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do driving range, pick up the balls, cleaning carts. I loved it. I get the idea. There's a lot of retired guys that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, work at, uh, golf courses and I get it. I get it. Like they're just retired. You know, it's not like they need to really any giant income coming in. Just they like to golf. They like to be around golf. And I mean, I, I totally get it. You just get carts, you go, you kind of get help people out. You like, you like helping people out, tell them what to do. Like it's fun. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We worked there at the driving range, but I remember our driving range cart at Hermanage, when we would pick it up, they, the cart, so it's usually it's metal fences all around you because people are hitting golf balls, you know, and while you're driving around. But the back of our thing wasn't metal, it was a net.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the net wasn't tied down to anything. So if a ball hit it, it just comes in. It's, I mean, it doesn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fall, it stays in the net, but it just hits you. So you would just be getting hit all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would have to make turns quick, cause you just couldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you're like, I'm going to get drilled. They're trying to hit you too, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I, like, I don't, that's a, I don't try to hit the card.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all they're trying to do. Like they, you just watch their body turn wherever you go. Like it's, and they're trying to act like they're not, but you're like, I see you moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see you going, he's right. Why, I mean, no one, no one is practicing at a range going, I'm gonna go to the right side and left side the whole time. They kind of pick a flag and that's what they're hitting at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're just trying to drill you and you just BOOSH! And when it hits dude, and you don't see it, it just KEEEESH! And it just kind of goes. There's another driving range in Herman's, they put a car out there, which I thought was a pretty good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just set a real car. Just put it in the middle of the driving range and people just aim at that car, which is kind of, and that kind of distracts. That's like the red flag with the bull. If you're picking up range balls, you just got something else out there for all these maniacs to hit at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but I worked, yeah, I worked there. Uh, we had one cart break, almost went in the water, the lake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was fun. Uh, we're trying to pull it up down this hill. Now, it's one of the stupider, you know, I do stupid things, but just dumb 16 year old, the break yet, like the, it ran out of juice. And so it was down at the bottom of this hill. So we're trying to pull it up and there's a lake. And so we tied just like a hose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then both got in the first car and drove, which is like, why do you not want to stay in the other car to just press the brake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know, you're just 16 and so we both just get in the other car and then of course it breaks cause it's a hose and it's running down the hill and I have to run next to it and I get the wheel turn just enough to hit a tree. Otherwise it was just right in the water. I mean just in the water. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's a perfect, it's a job, yeaah, it's a job that I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wish I would have stayed at it longer than I did. I, you know, I mean, I was like 16. They used to have the LPGA out there and the Hermanage and I would carry the scorecard for that and stuff. Oh, that's cool. Sarah Lee Classic? Sarah Lee Classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I mean, I was walked there, it was like, it was, it was great. And so we would do that. And then I worked at OptiLand. I've never had real jobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I worked one sales, I worked in one office building, uh, and we were on a sales team and we would make sales calls and they moved me down to the mailroom and all my buddies stayed up in the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So usually the mail, you move up from the mail room and go to the top. And I was at the top and then went to the bottom. I mean, I remember riding in the elevator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I just went and worked with him. And where was this? At, uh, Lifeway. Yeah. Uh, I used to, when I, it was like out of high school and you were supposed to do just sales calls. And I just wasn't good at it. So they, they, they go, all right. And they moved me down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the mailroom, and I wrote, I remember riding the long elevator down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're going to Mailroom, you know, Mailroom's not on floor 19. You're going below where the lobby is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going, what's down here? That's where the mail comes in and you're going to be delivering it. And all my friends are at the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. I don't even really remember, but I think so. It was like reading scripts or, you know, whatever it was. And, but I just wasn't good at it. I'd love to see you do that. Yeah. Hello. Please welcome or please call something. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how you doing? Ney Bargetse, uh, I'm gonna come at ya. How do you feel about this word?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go, what's that word? They go, Neanderthal. I go, these aren't those times anymore. Uh, that could be a good selling call. Just to start spelling a word, if you just throw them off, they're like, what's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do sales calls still work? People call, you know, they call your phone all the time. Does that work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, uh, I can't do that either. Like you can't, yeah, there's a lot of people that can like, oh, I do like a different accent. Like it's fun to them to be this character and I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That separatist of Zuvia, there's the good analogy. That sounds like something out of the back of a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's a really good analogy. You can't separate yourself. Cause I, that's all I ever felt with all this stuff. I'm me, I'm me. So whatever I'm, it's not a made up person asking me, it's me. And I feel like you're going to be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you feel, you feel like the person's like, gonna be like, come on Aaron, you know I don't wanna do this. And you go, I don't know dude, they're making me, I'm sorry, I should never, I feel bad. Like that's what you feel as a person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did all, like, trucking kinda, I've driven like box trucks, my buddy, we worked at Hunter's Delivery, and we would deliver all these, uhm, I'd have to drive trucks there, which we scraped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The top, so the top of a truck, like a box truck, is aluminum. And so like, you were driving somebody's head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Driveways down the middle of nowhere and like you have a tree, you gotta avoid the trees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I'm kinda like, you'd hear them sometimes, sometimes they would just kinda go over it and you'd just hear like a little bit of a noise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I'm hearing that as we're backing up and I'm like, you know, where you just go, I don't know. Uh, hopefully nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, so we drive to downtown, actually, uh, the block over, first ending from where that bomb went off. Uh, and we're delivering a thing up there. And I get, we get this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go to open the door and deliver this mattress and right when I open it, it opens up about a foot and it won't move. And I see sunlight inside the truck and I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I look and I mean, it is just, the whole top's ripped open. Just trees inside of it. I mean, I just wrecked the entire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, so we have to like get the thing kind of barely open to then get the mattress to deliver it to then we get up there and the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. It just, it's scraped on top of it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like something caught in, but it's like an aluminum. So it's not like this real thick and it just peeled it back like nothing. That was my, like odd jobs, like that was a very fun job that I had where, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I remember, I always say that I would go if I, you know, when comedy falls apart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like if I didn't do comedy and I had another job, like starting a delivery company, my buddy Jimmy Hunter did it. And he, I always liked that. Like he always worked for himself. We did a bunch of different stuff. We worked, we delivered for Sears for a little bit. We did Lowe's. You did a lot of odd things and it put you in a lot of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Hunter's delivery. Me and Jimmy were, he got, he was going to do some delivering. He would have all these trucks and he, so he had a contract with Lowe's and so they were doing it in Lexington, Kentucky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we would drive to Lexington and we went up there and we were training the guys that were going to start driving the trucks and then we would have came back. And so we're training these guys and we meet this one kid, he's 18, he's marrying a, we meet his wife, he said he's engaged about to get married and she's 44 years old and he's 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, you got so many, you're so young. Just be, don't do this. And, uh, but he's, you know, he doesn't care. Like, so he wants to do it. So, I mean, we don't even know this guy. We've been, we've kind of been working with him for a week. He invites us to his wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, you know, alright, I guess we gotta go. You know, we're like, I don't, I mean, we don't even know his last name. We don't know him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we go, all right, we're going to go. And so we're, I remember, forgive me, me and Jimmy are driving to, uh, driving to the pagan wedding and a train, we get stuck by behind a train. And so we, he calls them, uh, and says, Hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're, like, just go ahead and do the wedding, like, we're not gonna, a train just stopped and they go, we're gonna wait for you. You know, you wanna just be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just start the wedding, but it's a guy that's like, I'm sure people know these kind of guys. I don't think they really have any family or, you know, it's like, if you come in their life at all, you're in their life. And then, you know, it's a big deal to be at someone's wedding to be like, I don't know this person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we get there and the wedding's, uh, this, it's pagan. She's pagan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really know what pagan is. What does that mean? I think it's like nature. Like what was different about the wedding? Well, I mean, a lot of, I mean, the fact that 44 and 18, uh, I don't know. There's, you know, it's, they're just saying not typical Christian thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. I still don't know what it is. Uh, I knew I wasn't comfortable with it. I knew, you know, at this point I'm like, I've never heard of this. They might as well, they could have said anything. And so we go out to this park and we walk over, their friends like doing it and we all stand at one point. Oh, they asked me to film it. So I'm filming it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The wedding, which is insane, so I get like their camera, and now I've gotta film the wedding. Was there a lot of people there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, 15. Okay. And so I'm filming the wedding and, uh, so I'm going around filming it if I could ever, it'd be great. So we're filming it and then he puts us all in a circle and then he starts making some kind of chaining and going around the circle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I'm kind of like, I'm trying to get back, I'm trying to back out of the circle. Like I don't want, I don't want some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So their, their whole wedding video is just Jimmy being like, and like, and so I just kind of moved off him because I thought, well, I don't want, I don't want to make fun of their wedding day, but we are not thrilled with what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, so then they got married and, uh, we went to, I think, uh, Applebee's or Chili's, bought them, you know, took them all out to eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jimmy was a great guy. Like, he was like, that's where, uh, I mean, he is a great guy. Uh, but he, he's a, he was a very friendly guy and a very, I think I have some of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I learned stuff from him, like he was a very like guy, he took him out to eat afterwards, I'm paying for all this at your wedding, like that kind of like, no don't you pay, like I got, like that kind of like attitude, like always taking people with him. We met, I met him at Applebee's, he came to Applebee's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When me and Laura were working there and he would always sit there, like, they would always come there and drink beers after they got done. And so they all sat at this one round table. And I ended up working with him for a long time. I still talked to him, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I worked with him, like I met him at that table, like he's a guy like that, that's like, this guy, you know what, come, you should come and work for me. Like, that kind of niceness, uh, and just, it's, it's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just was, I don't know, it was great. And it was like, I always loved that. He just always like finding his own thing to do and had these trucks and would have to do it. I mean, we would deliver to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean delivering, let me deliver to my one ghost story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've talked about this sometimes on stage, but my one ghost story is we go to this old house in Belmont, uh, around the Belmont area, kind of Nashville area. And, uh, we're delivering this old house. It's a twin mattress, me and my buddy Jamie Mueller. And we.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm staying in the back of the truck, we go up, knock on the door, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy's not coming to the door, but I can see, since I'm standing on the truck that's up higher, I can see inside the guy's house and I'm seeing like a silhouette walking back and forth. And I'm like, the dude's right there. I mean, dude, it's a silhouette. It's, I'm watching a human being walk back and forth. And I'm like, I was like, I don't know how this guy's not hearing us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Read the door rail, knock on the door. It's insane. And he's just walking back forth. And so we go to leave, we put it, you put a note and we're like, whatever. And so we go to leave and the guy comes to the door and he's a towel. He's got a towel on and he's wet. And he said, I was in the shower and I just was like, I don't believe like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I was like, that's such a weird thing to say you were doing. I was watching you walk around. And then my Jamie goes in and delivers the mattress and he goes, uh, Jamie just says, Hey, this seems like an old house. You know, he's like, Oh yeah. He goes, this house was on unsolved mysteries. This is a ghost that lives here. I'm surprised you didn't see him. And so then that made me think I was like, that's what I was seeing. And like what I say in the joke on stage, it was like, that was either I was seeing a ghost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which happened or the only other thing that could have happened was that guy walks around his house in a towel, doesn't answer the door when people are knocking on it, but you can still see him. And then right before you leave, he pours water on his head and lies to you and says, I was in the shower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I don't know which one I would want it to be. I like both of those things. That's my joke. Cause I would like, I would love both of those things. Uh, that we got shot at, got caught in a drive by shooting, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I was about, uh, this all might be stuff I'm trying to talk about on stage coming up, just so everybody knows. But, uh, we, we delivered this old mattress in like Nashville, and I mean in the refrigerator, we were doing it in the refrigerator this time. And, uh, I remember we delivered this old lady who was a dead cat behind the refrigerator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we moved it and there's just a cat there and she goes, oh, that's where, that's where that cat's been. I guess like she was super old, I think was kind of not all there. And there's a dead cat that she just thought ran away and it was dead behind the refrigerator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we put the new refrigerator in just back over it. Cause we don't, we're not a dead cat remover. We just were like, kind of like, eh, just kind of put it back and you're like, I don't, you know what I mean? And then we, we, we go, we're driving.


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[Assistant] And we make a turn and we're driving back up this other street and we hear, uh, we hear like pop pop pop pop.


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[Assistant] And I remember seeing a kid in front of us and he took off running. I thought he set off fireworks because he was like bent down in the street. It looked like he lit firecrackers and then just took off running and he just took off running and we're like, what is that? And we like look in the mirror and there's a car has pulled up to a house behind us and just like they're just lighting up this house.


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[Assistant] And so they're just shooting this house and then we're in a truck and we're kind of, you know, it's a big truck and so we're kind of blocking the road and they shoot at us and it goes through the back of the truck, a bullet.


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[Assistant] It comes out to the top of the truck where I'm sitting, right over my head. Maybe, maybe, I don't know, this big, like, what is that, four feet, three feet, uh, three feet above my head.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, not, not Broadway, uh, if you got off Church Street, like, you know, left Church, not downtown Church Street, but you make a left, like, I feel like back in those, back in that area over there. That's crazy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, I would be blown, I would be blown away. Yeah. If it did. I hope it did. I mean, she would be in her sixties and he's, he would be, he's gotta be a little bit younger than me. I was probably 20.


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[Assistant] Sixty. Sixty-four. Yeah, sixty-four. Yeah, sixty-seven. Like, I mean, you know. And he's thirty-eight. Oh my gosh, man. And he wasn't marrying her for money.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but anyway. He was like, the Cubs winning a World Series, like, when he did it, when he got married. He's been playing that lately, they've just seen Brian, they were just like...


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[Assistant] Uhm, but. Do you remember hearing about dating apps first? And were you like, whoa. How did you hear about them?


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[Assistant] Yeah, everything was like a website. I remember making my first comedy website. Uh, yeah, like when you had to just do it and you just make it yourself. And it was like you had a website.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. When I was like 9 or 10. And POD, cause their actual band name is PAYABLE.


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[Assistant] I mean, let's just use- I was going through a phase too. Let's use POD. That's why they did POD. That is- Right. Who's up next? Payable on death. Oh god. That's a-


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[Assistant] Right. You're not going to be successful if you don't do, we'll just go by POD. You're like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Can we change it? What it's the stands for? They're good band. Party of dance.


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[Assistant] I love Creed. Creed's awesome, man. I'm a huge Creed fan. Uh, I think he lives here. Scott Staff.


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[Assistant] We're getting to this, you gasping is making more and more sense every day. Like it's just the stuff that all leads up to it of, uh, of being a child that gasped.


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[Assistant] I love the Cree. So I'm a big fan. I love Nickelback too. Everybody always actually don't like them. They're doing real good.


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[Assistant] Arenas. They're doing great. And every song is like, it's a great song. I'm not a good music guy. Anyway, that's what I always say. I love Nickelback, but I know all of these musicians now, they get mad. Like, you know, I don't know why. I guess cause it's, what is it? Vanilla music? Is that the idea that's why people don't like it?


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[Assistant] You know, it's the same thing. Same kind of thing. Yeah. But there's, but I would be like, I get why there's success. I say that if I don't, I get why they're as big as they are.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. If enough people like it and then yeaah. Yeaah, Dane Cook. Dane Cook got that, I never liked that. I never, I do distinctly remembering, uh, cause I was doing comedy when the, it was like Family Guy made a joke about Dane Cook and everybody kinda switched and then it all turned into like, oh that's all just trash Dane Cook.


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[Assistant] And it was kind of gross to me because it was like, you guys liked him.


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[Assistant] Now you don't like him because you're all, you're being bullies. All, everybody became a bully. Like that, you know, all of you turned. He was the great, he's selling out all these arenas. He can do no wrong.


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[Assistant] And then it became cool to hate on the guy. That doesn't make sense to me. That's like kinda gross.


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[Assistant] Like a year ago, like he's great to now he's terrible. Well, nothing's changed except you're trying to be cool or, you know, stay relative.


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[Assistant] Did you delete all of your, y'all delete them together? Like when Dave Ramsey cuts credit cards up? Uh, once we got married.


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[Assistant] Just see what's happening. You don't know. You could be like, I'm hot right now, baby. They're coming after me.


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[Assistant] I should just, I feel like your picture should stay up there just to float around and be like. It's working. That should be the goal, right? Yeah, it's working and then. Yeah. Yeah, but if it doesn't, then you're, you know. That's true.


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[Assistant] Are you supposed to be saying all this stuff by the way?


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[Assistant] It's almost, they don't know what, but they're not working with the army to know, so they just come in separately. It's like, almost like when offensive defense are playing against each other, we don't know what plays they're gonna run.


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[Assistant] And how, how fun is that? That's gotta be a fun job. He loves it. It's like the


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's a very fun job. I mean, it's very cool. And yeah, you're going to be a hacker and then you're going to do, you're going to do the government and you're going to do it under, you're not going to go to jail. Like you're, you know, that's like, if you were hired to be a bank, you know, the bank robbers, do banks hire people to try to break into their banks?


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[Assistant] I don't know if I, I always think I've batted now after golf. I had very good hands. Uh, Laura always talks about my hands. Yours used to be too orange. Well, they used to be orange. This should not, hopefully not now, but that was the middle of golf season. But now my hands are pretty beat up from golf. Uh, so now they're back to just real beat up. A hand model can make up to $75,000 a year. Is that what?


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[Assistant] Costanza, George Costanza was a hand model. Was that would have been his check?


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[Assistant] I mean that's, you know, a lady, uh, what's crazy is that story, uh, someone cutting your hand with a ring on a subway.


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[Assistant] That's a story that I go, I don't know if I believe it. Yeah, unless you made it up. I don't know if I believe it right now.


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[Assistant] A lady cut your hand, you know, I would want to know more.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I have good hands. I could be a hand. I could do it. I got, if I just quit golfing it would, all the blisters and that kind of stuff would go down. Yeah, callus fingers. Be a hand model and get out of this game.


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[Assistant] Uh, oh, so if you do it every, oh, that's what they, yeah, so they, if you're for set food and for, they did it for our TV show.


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[Assistant] I didn't see it. They have a knob. And so they turned down like, I guess like less likely one to 10. Like when are you interested in the show? Yeah. Not as much now. I'm feeling like it's crazy. They say, I don't watch those results. No, they, I could have, and they go, it just, it's not worth it. It's not worth going. It's like just, just here with the result. Cause it's,


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[Assistant] You want to just run through the glass like, what are you not getting? Yeah. I mean, you know.


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[Assistant] I honestly think that kind of idea of testing is like, there's no way that works. You're asking the same people. And so, someone that knows how to do those focus groups.


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[Assistant] That's how they're making money. Like, so they're, they're just going to do every one. And it's like, they become.


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[Assistant] It's not, I don't feel like it's honest. It's kind of like, yeah, what do you do here? And they're like, Oh, I know what to do. Just say when you like it, when you don't like it. Like they've kind of come a critic, like in a weird way. And it's a.


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[Assistant] I can't, I mean, look, I'm saying this because our show didn't go, but it's, I don't think it didn't go because of that. I think we did okay.


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[Assistant] Uh, and the networks are kind of aware of it. They know that it's like...


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[Assistant] Kind of taking the grain of salt. I mean I was in Sa- I remember I was in Salt Lake City when I got a call, uh, and they did- and they were telling me somewhat about the focus group.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, yeah. And I forget, I forget what our number was. I feel like I was getting, it could have been bad. Maybe it was worse than that because no one was really telling me. Now that I think back on it, I never got really straight answers and I bet it was bad. Yeah. Yeah. How are they looking? I mean, they're looking.


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[Assistant] It's good, we're not bad, it's nothing, it's where everybody else is. That's what they say. We're no different than anybody else. Seinfeld got, they, they're like, Seinfeld got a this. You know, and you're like, oh, okay. And like, so they just tell you that stuff. You've done focus groups, right?


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[Assistant] You're drinking 36 beers at night. So that's expensive.


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[Assistant] I haven't, but I knew that was, I remember, I mean, we, it was in the realm of like something I was going to try. I mean, I just was like, I don't know if I can do that. You can make like 75 bucks your first time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you don't have a ton of plasma right now as we speak. Right? You've given a lot of it up.


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[Assistant] Do you have to call him and tell him that you have a gout now? Do you have to call back?