[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Some people auditioned for the part, Adam Scott. You guys know him? Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He auditioned for Jim Halpert, Seth Rogan auditioned for Dwight Shrew, Eric Stone Street auditioned for Kevin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Vince Vaughn Reese Witherspoon and Steve Burns in it, which I had no idea. And then I didn't see him, but she said Brian Bogarder was in it just as a small role. So I guess that came out before the office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't remember. John Krasinski, uh, when he auditioned, he was waiting in the room to go in. A man eating a salad asked him, are you nervous? And he said, no, not really. You get these things or you don't. What I'm really nervous about is the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the British show so much and Americans have a tendency to really screw these opportunities up. Just don't know how I'll live for myself if they screw up the show and ruin it for me. And the man responded, I'm Greg Daniels, the executive producer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a story that almost doesn't seem real, like too good to be true, but I guess it is. Oh, I could see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When Krasinski got the part, he auditioned, he met with different paper companies, employees to learn about the role.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he went to Scranton just to learn about the town and the footage you see at the beginning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the open of the show is shot by him. The grainy footage of Scranton and stuff. He shot that just driving around Scranton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do so many things that an actor would say, I could never do that as far as just the commitment to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Phyllis was the casting agent for the show and then they said, you should just be Phyllis. And of course she was. Before that, she was an NFL cheerleader and a burlesque dancer. She was?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. She said she loved football. She could watch the games, dance and look at the cute guys across the field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they, uh, you would do those auditions for your pilot and sometimes you would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to me and tell me who I was auditioning. It's always for the parents. It's people from my generation and I would always be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know him from Dallas. It's J.R. Ewing's brother, Bobby Ewing. So it was always people that I would, I would have been the one of like the first person I knew, that's him, we got to go with him, but he used a little, uh, restraint, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the episode where Jam proposes to Pam, they wanted to use a real rest stop on Merritt Parkway, but it would cost $100,000. Plus they wanted to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they built a replica of the parkway in a rest stop. The shot ended up costing $250,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Greg Daniel says it's the most expensive and elaborate shot we've ever done, but it's also the highlight of five years of storytelling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe I'm getting mixed up with, uh, when Michael leaves and Pam runs the airport and says goodbye to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't hear what they say. And the producers told her, just go tell him what you would really say to him. And she did. She said she was real tears and she just told Steve Carell that she loved him and would miss him and goodbye to him. And they just let it roll. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in the show finale, they kept Steve Carell so secret that, uh, they kept it out of the dailies. Didn't want anyone to know at the table read, they had Creed read Michael Scott's lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, I think he has a, that's what she said and stuff like that. I mean, it's very few lines, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I'd heard the rumor that he, maybe it was just a rumor, but it turned out to be true, that he was coming back. And then I was disappointed he didn't say more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I agree on the Seinfeld episode with Mark Norman, you said how it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The show kinda tanked, and some people really defended it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I totally agree with you. Oh, the office? Yeah. Oh, they thought it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, people liked it. They were like, the characters finally got to develop more after he left. I feel like they changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I totally agree with you. I think those last seasons tanked even before he left the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, Season 7, even before he left, there's some that were, to me, getting, not as good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my favorite last ones that he did was when they go to the board meeting in New York City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the shareholders, they're all furious at him. And he gets up there on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, we're going to come back with it. Was it a 45 point, 45 point, 45 point plan, 45 days, one point per day. And they, they're cheering you, you, and he runs back on stage. Like he's special. We will also be completely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Spader was just supposed to make a cameo, but they liked his energy so much they felt like it brought something new to the show, so they made him a regular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that kind of did a little bit of everything. Nelly was for a while. Andy was the replacement. Yeah, Andy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] D'Angelo Vickers. He was pretty great. But that was a short lived thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were supposed to do an office spin-off for Dwight called The Farm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they just decided to pass on it. But there's an episode, one of the last episodes when he's, I forgot, he's like looking at the will. Do you remember this with his cousin or something like that? It's when the show to me has gotten really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it just went nowhere. There's a couple of episodes they've now removed. One where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does the shrewt Christmas and his friend shows up in blackface and they've taken that scene out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moe's, because Moe's is one of the main writers on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cousin Mo's. Michael Shura, I think is his name. And then Comedy Central, when they started airing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The office, they took out, uh, diversity day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which to me is ridiculous because the whole thing is making fun of, of people that don't get diversity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you gonna do, right? Uh, Jim wore fake hair. At least she moved on from it. It is great. That was a funny episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that might have been like the second episode that ever aired. I think it was. Yeah. It was that first season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jim wore fake hair in season three because he was shooting the movie Leatherheads. So John Krasinski wore fake hair, excuse me. He had to shave his head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Krasinski and BJ Novak were high school classmates. That's pretty crazy. Oh wow. Played little league baseball together. Oh wow. John Krasinski was in BJ Novak's play that he put on and Helms and Brian Baumgartner went to the same high school as well. They were a year apart in Atlanta. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and the one where, uh, the gay witch hunt where Michael kisses Oscar, he wasn't supposed to do that. He's supposed to just hug him, but he just improvised and went in for the kiss. And Oscar said he just went with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Scrantones was the band who wrote the theme music, recorded the theme music for The Office, and they're the band that's on the booze cruise episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I wanted to just ask what, before we wrap up, what's your favorite episodes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I like, Business School is one of my favorites too. I like the ones where it's sweet, Michael moment. It's, uh, the one where, I don't know what it's about, where Jim throws the party at his house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the dinner party is often considered the funniest and I do love it. I love it when he pulls that teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I didn't like it, well I mean for obvious reasons, but usually he'll find a way to dig himself out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the office got robbed and he offered the Huey Lewis, I mean, uh, Bruce Springsteen ticket. He doesn't have them. You know, that's a little bit like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's more than incompetent, that's just outright lying to get caught. Usually he'll find a way to... But didn't he? Someone got him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's maybe your thing about when he had tickets and was offering them to, uh, holly. Yeah. To go to, I forget who it was. Counting crows. Oh, counting crows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The real places in Scranton that they reference, Alfredo's Pizza, um, poor Richards, the bar they go to, that's all real places. You've been to Scranton's, some of these places, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen the video of when accurate show ends and they go on like a ball field there and the real Scranton and do a reunion and they surprise everybody with Steve Carell coming out. Oh, it's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It gives me chills just thinking about it. Cause people go nuts. Oh, really? Yeah. He comes running out of the dugout. Where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. At least some of them didn't. It's pretty fun to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but they put a warning, this is a fictional place, please do not try to book a visit here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stress relief episode where Michael does CPR training and they do it to the beats of the BG staying alive. A person who watched that episode remembered it and successfully saved someone's life. That's awesome. Yeah. Is that great? That's such a great scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She gives him a number and he's like, well, how many is that per hour? And, and, and John Chris, he's like, how's that going to help you? He's like, I'll count ahead and then I'll divide. It makes no sense, but it's, uh, it's very naked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the episode where Jim pops Dwight's fitness orb, it was a complete accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I don't know how that, I thought he used scissors to pop it. I thought he did too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when he's, Jim's consoling Dwight in the staircase and then Jim gets up and walks away and Dwight reaches over. He's gone. That was completely improvised. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] According to this. Steve Carell left the show after seven seasons. He was still adored by the cast so much that he'd always been number one on the call sheet. When they left, they retired the number one and didn't appear on the call sheet ever again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm sitting here with Brian Bates, Aaron Weber. Welcome, uh, to the show. Uh, excited to have you here, as always.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life is busy and your wellbeing is important. Athletic Greens make it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day with just one scoop. Athletic Greens has given you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of Vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. That is AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as always, we will start off with some comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if they record, like Tonight Show sometimes records on Thursday for Friday, they don't go, we recorded it last night everybody!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what we're doing, all your comments are generic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They're doing, no, the ones that are like when we have to record like this, like a backup one just to make sure, uh, this is where we get a lot of comments that like we, that don't always like fit in or not like as timely or whatever, or whatever they could be. Yeah. So it's actually a good thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Ry Givens. I love the fact that if someone were to ask what's the appeal of this podcast, I can tell them, well the host is a dyslexic comedian with diabetes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the co-hosts just had a stroke and the other co-host is a young man with gout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we measure things by Rhode Island. Keep up the great works guys. You're making the world a better place and uniting us all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Ernie's Pharmacy and Wellness Center. Wow. Dude, that's so cool. That's such a cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you want it to say? That's so funny. That's so awesome though. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Ernie's Pharmacy want to supply in Musk. Musk-a-gee. Musk-a-gee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's likely the very thing that helps them be so creative. I'm an educator. I've been teaching for 18 years. Dyslexia is still very misunderstood and is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. There's a book called Dyslexic


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't even say the word. The dyslexic advantage. Nate sees the world differently. One of the reasons he pauses in conversation is because he needs time to process all he wants to say before he says it. Before he says it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just needs time to get it out. I mean, Erica, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she could just pause it. Now see what he did right there? See how he couldn't get that word out? He's gotta think about it. He needs time. I like Erica. I like her too. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Bates does not. No. So, uh, Jessica Young. Proud to represent the folks with my new custom plate. Hoping to get some let's go folks from fellow commuters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check that out. Hello folks. That's awesome, dude. Wow. They came to the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so cool. Cause they met, so those magnets, have you seen them? Uh, when we were doing the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, meet and greets that we would give you, we would give mangas to her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, just aggressively. It just goes, let's go folks. And then you're like, oh no. Yeah. All right. Uh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Joshua Clay Lot. I'm gonna need an episode on time travel because I'm convinced Aaron is dabbling in time manipulation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He obviously knew Roland the Farter and set for this portrait which ultimately became the logo for the Texas Ran Fest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just get right to it. Why not, man? That way the rest of the table looks like, well, he doesn't eat gravy and no one knows. Yeah. You're right. I do the most gravy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Micah Johnson, I'm from a small town about 45 minutes south of Montgomery called Troy. I've heard of Troy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm about the same age as Aaron. I've often wonder if we ever crossed paths on a field trip to the Shakespeare Festival or at the food court at the Montgomery Mall. Didn't hang out at the Montgomery Mall very often. What about the Shakespeare Festival?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, did you ever see, did you ever see some kids filming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that often. Is Troy a big, that's a little higher up town? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just say it, dude. He's already said it. So obviously, Micah, you were probably working the Shakespeare festival and you lived in the food court at the Montgomery Mall. So, you know, big money over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Family's helicopter flying over. Uh, has he drank out of his, whatever that was, chalice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Christian Berryman. In the episode of Lee Ann Morgan, Nate states that in his opinion, comedians that refer to what they do as are horrible and the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just watching comedians and cars getting coffee and Jerry said that his philosophy is that anything at all that you create out of thin air that people like is art. I know how much all of you love the great Mr. Seinfeld, so I was wondering if that statement would change your opinion on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seinfeld said it, I'm fine with it. I'll switch it right now. Uh, you know, it's like everything's not as like, it's, I guess, you know, I guess there is art to it. It's, but I think the goal of comedy is you shouldn't take yourself that seriously. And so when you start taking yourself seriously,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, uh, yeaah, it's an art form, technically. I guess you're being entertainment and arts and like you would be in that world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think as a comic, it's better to have the mindset of not taking yourself as serious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I get what he's saying. Like it's, you know, it is, and you would make, if I was with a bunch of comedians, a comedian walked up and said, what I do is art. Now if he's doing, I would be like, Oh God. Like he goes, he goes, my art. I mean, I would, I couldn't handle it if someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I think, yeah, I would think what we do is, I think what con comedians do is super hard, man. You're up there alone, like you're, there's no way out. I sneezed this past weekend on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had like, I was like the lights just bright in my face and I don't ever, I don't, I've never done it. I've never sneezed on stage. 1700 people just staring at you and I sneezed twice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I could feel it where I'm like, you know, don't sneeze. Cause it's like, that's, that's what I was talking about. I was like, that'd be, if you want to get rid of stage fright, just go sneeze in front of 1700 people with the light on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like there, it's probably like gross, break the seeds, stuff, like it's, I didn't know what, you know, and you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just kind of throws the whole rest of the set, you're like, you're like, I don't know what's that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just, I mean, people just were fine with it. It's not like people, a couple people left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're too comfortable, like is your body too comfortable on stage that you're just like, you sneeze cause you're like, you know, like before maybe your body would never, maybe that's a sign. Maybe, I don't know if it's a good sign or a bad sign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But maybe it's a sign that you're like, in a comfortable place that, cause I don't think your body would let you do it. If you were, you know, at the beginning of your comedy. I just don't think you could. You'd be too nervous. You'd be too nervous. Too much adrenaline, all that. All that. And like, so is it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too much, you know. Because you sneeze when you drive and once it starts, you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop it. Yeah, but on stage, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I can't tell if that's good or bad. Like you don't want to be where then you're like, is that the first sign of like you start becoming like unaware and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know that you're good. Like, you know, you know, like, you're, my biggest fear is, my biggest fear in comedy, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is well there's a bunch of me talking about dying alone in a like you know so but there's a few but like one on stage is comedian just for your career wise is that you worry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you're gonna be, you're not as funny as you think you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's like a big, like I try to always kind of try to be aware. It's what you always ask a lot of people ask the comics. I'm like, it's funny, right? Like this is not, I'm just not like oblivious and I think this is funny. And it's like, I know you can hear them laughing, but then sometimes people, they like you and then they're going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes they like you so they're laughing easier and then you want to be like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you always have that fear of like, I don't want to, I think if I keep an eye on it, cause sometimes you see, you can see comics just, they can just hit a point where they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just, they're just going out there and like, I'm not saying you don't enjoy the show, but you're like, they're not at the top of their game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're not at the top that got them to the top. Because they don't necessarily need to be anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't need to be, but it's like, so you're like, what do you, does that ever happen? And not like saying it's just to the famous comedians. It could be anybody at any point. If someone's doing comedy a long time, just the guys that have been doing it for a long time, you worry like, God, I don't want to, I don't want to just be doing a bad show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people are like, it's not that good anymore. You know, and you're like, uh, I think, in my head, I'm like, I think it's going amazing. Like, you know, so I try to always be aware, but maybe it's a good sign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that part of my act. I'll be honest, I needed the time, so it was good I sneezed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you've ever seen me have a coughing attack. It's like we were running pretty quick and I needed a stretch. Yeah. Uh, but I don't like, I get like, so what he's saying, like, look, everything I say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't take everything the most like, I would live and die by any of these statements. I'm saying all this off the top of my head. I can be talked and be wrong about almost every single one of these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get the idea of comedy is an art form. I know you're creating something out of nothing. That is a, it's a, you know, it's the most


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't really matter. Like, but a comedian, you gotta, if you don't, if I don't get approval, it's going to be real bad. But then calling it art, I would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was with Seinfeld and he started talking about doing his art as me and him, I would be like, I would turn, I'd be like, oh god. Like you'd be like, come on dude, like we're just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I would say to his face, but in my insight, I would be like, like, yeah, it's like you don't, you know, I would do that with you. Like if I, if you just said that in New York, just come to New York and you walked into the comedy cell and I'm like, uh, I'm doing my art tonight. You would get ridiculed. Your borderline almost would get ridiculed so bad you'd quit comedy. It's like, don't take yourself that serious. That's what I mean. You can, when you talk about it in a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way of like, if you're doing some serious interview or if you're doing some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, yeah, I think what we do is, it is an art form, but as a comedian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should also, you should just be aware that you know you're saying that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you eat before you go on stage? How soon before the show do you have to be at the venue? I know you all have touched on this occasionally during previous episodes, but y'all can enlighten us more on what show days are like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm, I eat on stage. Yeah, you go. He takes a big bite of his burger, does his time, comes back, finishes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I eat, so my schedule can be bad. I usually wake up, we eat breakfast, usually it's 11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 12 or 11 is early for most comics. Especially when we have two shows. Your schedule, that's your, my sleeping schedule is like so whacked. When we were like just in uh, Indianapolis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Eastern time zones. We did one show in Indianapolis, then I drove to Evansville the next day and we just drove to Evansville as it came back. And so we stayed in Indianapolis the whole time. And so Evansville is the only part of Indiana that's in the central time zone. So the show, so, I mean, we don't like, we leave, we have to leave early because they're an hour behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you gotta leave it, you know, well, you lose it now. So we leave a little bit later going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 9 o'clock, you know, the show's done by 9.30, 9.45, uh, Indianapolis time. We go eat and then we go and, uh, by the time we get home, it's like three, the hotel's 3.30, 3.45 in the morning. And you're like, that was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you know, and you're just like, your schedule's so messed up. It's like, I can't go to, like, I can go to sleep, but I need like, I gotta lay in bed and like watch some TV or like, you know, like just kinda gotta be alone for a second. And uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So those were tough, you see, but eating wise, I usually eat breakfast. We try to find a breakfast place, like 11, 12, and then probably try to eat a little lunch, something, we sort of try to do something healthy, like at the venue, we get chicken and carrots and, or something that's kind of light, you want to feel like you eat something, you're like, I need to eat something, and I'll eat something like that around four, probably, uh, and then I'll eat after the show. So that's usually how, that's usually how it goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, so if you have to do it, you go eat breakfast, we might hang out, maybe go back, you gotta take a nap around, you know, probably two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One, two, and then you kind of go to the place, then you probably go do sound check, maybe eat some of that, eat a couple bites of that chicken, I get the coffee, sound check, and then I go back and get ready for the show and I'll come over kind of close to the show time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so that's, you know, I've eaten, you can't eat too much. I've eaten where it's too full and it's no good. What about the part about how soon you have to be at the venue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, I can be there. I can walk on stage when I go on stage. Uh, but you do sound check. I like to see the venue before, because usually when I see it, uh, during the show, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a lot of times I just go sit on the bus and like, especially the bus, it depends if, if we're in a big place, it's kind of a long walk to the bus. We're staying inside. But if sometimes the bus is like right to the door and you're like, well, I'll just go and sit on the bus. I will play, uh, some, I've been playing back doing that play golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2K or whatever, 2K 2019, the golf game. Uh, I do that a lot. I like to go sit on the bus and like kind of just, you know, just play alone and just kind of like just do something kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Calming, just have your nerves. But I like getting, like, you know, I know when the openers go up, they go up, I don't always see what they're doing, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watch the show, I've seen everybody, so I know. But it's like, I like to kind of like, kind of wait. I'll get dressed. And there's been times I'll just start getting dressed like 15 minutes before. Like when, it's like, they're like, Gary's, this weekend was like, Veeders up. And I'll be on the bus and I'll be like, all right, I'll just start changing now. And I'll start getting ready and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta learn what you like, you know. What would give the best show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Katie Betts, do you make your wives laugh like you do your audience? My husband is an engineer, not a comedian, but he's hilarious and he makes me laugh every day. With y'all being comedians, do you find it easy to crack your wives up? Are they used to it and they will laugh at the really good stuff? Have you ever used any of their suggestions or advice on a joke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for my wife, I always joke that she doesn't like my comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm too clean for her. She's a big Jay fan. Yeah, she's a, yeah. Uh, no, I, uh, I make my wife laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I do, my wife loves being around when it's like all of us comedians hanging out. She loves like being there listening to us because that's usually when we're like our best. And like, so me and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially all my buddies from New York when like Soda or Jay, all of it, Louis or whoever, like we all get together and like, she likes to be in around that. Like, and we're just, you know, cause it's just like making fun of each other, making fun of whoever. Uh, and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, I think I make her laugh more. I even, I've consciously thought of it too. Cause it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it can be, you know, this business of, it can be, get serious and get too much and too busy. And then you think, oh, I'm not making the person laugh that actually I need to make the most laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I try to sometimes be aware of that, but you know, but I don't know if it's, you don't go rip roaring like you do with your buddies. It's just weird I think, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. All right. Well, Lucy runs a comedy club. She sees comedy every night. She sees it. Uh huh. She sees more comedians than we do. Yep. That's probably true. And so, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my, my wife has told me some jokes. She'll send me some stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes like if it's a crazy story or if it's something, uh, she'll send it and then, uh, try to think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't think of a joke that she, I mean maybe there has been. She's a part of them all. You know, I talk about her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, she might have got something, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She tries to tell me something. It's hard. It's hard for them to get jokes in. My Abigail, my sister and my dad have a joke in right now. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it on tonight's show. It'll be in my hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all that, but the one about digging a hole. That's my dad and Abigail came up with that. And then I was like, that was one of the jokes they told me. And I'm like, that's actually a great joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a, you know, it was like, it was just like, it was really kind of presented and I was like, pitch the right way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pitched the right way. It just was, it was just very, it's like, it's just a very clever, like observation. I think that's even, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't know it, you don't have to go look it up, especially if you got to come see me, because I am doing this joke. But, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like if someone tries to give you a joke and they try to give you almost like they try to make it funny. It's like just give me the observation. Right. That you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I can kind of make it how I will be able to say it. Cause sometimes someone tell you a joke and you're like, it's very funny, but I just won't be able to deliver it like the way that it should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'd be surprised, a lot of stuff that you think would go in the act would never be in the act. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's uh, sometimes too much, if something's too wacky, it can, it's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, so it's usually something that might, that you would think is boring if someone said it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like they, you know, I have a whole joke right now about buying ice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's my favorite joke. One of my favorite jokes I've ever, like I, it's so fun to tell and it's like, but, like what, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about, you know, like it's just so weird, like, but it's one that hits so hard cause it's so specific. And it's like, you can tell that like everybody's like, oh yeah, that like, you know, whatever. It's a fun one. I love it. Uh, Kevin Allen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking about staying up to golf since you're already a world renowned for having your own golf tournament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you think about an all-star golf match play event with just stand-up comedians? I know you and Santino would be heavy favorites, but Ron White, Spade, Ray Romano are known to be pretty good. There's also probably some other great comedian golfers we don't know about, but thought it'd be a fun event, would be an absolute riot to watch. Yeah, uh, you know, we talk about all things comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Briefly talked about something like that. Doing some kind of like golf match play event. I think it would be fun. I would love to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, something like that. Santino is good. I've played with Santino. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spade's not bad. Spade usually plays nine holes. Ray plays a lot. Ray, uh, uh, broke 80 recently. Which was a big deal. He's never done it. Uh, and, cause he'll send, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's having a lot of chances at breaking 80 and so he'll send me the video of like his final putt and like you just, you're watching them, they just barely don't go in and like get all that. And so then he sent one and finally it went in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, he's around me, right? He's a good golfer, like. Henry Cho's a great golfer. Henry Cho's a great golfer. Uh, yeaah, so it's like, it would be, yeaah, I would love to do a golf match play. It should be to set it up and to be a matter of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, would you really want to watch it? Is it really fun? I mean the foreplay guys, Barstool, I'm such a big fan of them. They do some stuff like this. I think they're coming to something in Nashville. They're doing one of their events, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that might be. But now foreplay does like the Barstool Classic. Okay. And then so it's like a golf thing and I think they're doing one of the rounds that they're doing it is at Old Hickory Country Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, yeaah, it would be fun, you know, they play, like, I, you know, me and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Riggs, like, uh, we always, me and him text a lot. Me and him are about the same handicap. So I'm trying to get a match up. I'm trying to tell him like we should go play. Cause we're pretty, we're basically the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, but if I forget my swing down even more, I'm gonna kill him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he is. I think he just had a birthday. Who? Riggs. I don't know who that is. He's on the 4Play. The 4Play guys are great. Their podcast is awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Madison Hill, in college, we could camp out at new, uh, let me get this going again. In college, we would, we would camp out at new Chick-fil-A openings. They would give the first hundred people 52 free combos each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It started with us getting there five to six hours early and eventually we had to start camping out 24 hours early as the word spread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of our buddies traveled and did over 40 in two years, over 2000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the first hundred people, when they go in there, they give them like a card that's like, I guess they get 52 free combos. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's unbelievable. But it got so out of hand, you know, you had to just camp out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's, but then that's, I didn't know they, that's maybe the greatest thing I've ever heard. Like that one guy said he got 2000, 2000 free combos. That's so much. Now is that giving someone a fish or a fishing pole?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a ton of fish. That's like what Taco Bell should do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like being like, you can do 52 free combos and just be like, yeah, you can do them. I don't know what the rule is if you can do one a day or something like that, but the combo's a meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seemed like a homeless guy who's camping out anyway could just go get in line. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's, it's, it would be, yeah, I would think, uh, that's a better Taco Bell. Like do something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I give people like just an amount to be like, you pay this a monthly, you get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll give you 52 meals, use them whenever you want. You know, then someone could be like, all right, so you pay, pay a hundred bucks and you get a free meal a week, but that still probably wouldn't add up, you know, but whatever it is. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's cool. Ben Shaw. The last football game I ever played was the 1998 Independence Bowl. I did not play, but my pants did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our starting quarterback, Romario Miller, tore a small hole in his pants in pregame. So of course me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being in no way will play Scout Team QB. I gave him my pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He played amazing and we beat Texas tech. I retired and my pants went out on top. Look at that. Played Ole Miss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do like to, like, it's funny to be the quarterback, to be like, Romero's pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy just knows, oh, I got my pants. And they're like, yeah, obviously he's not good, man. So, I mean, you think that they don't have other pants and like, you're like, it's cool. Just like, we have some backup pants and they're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such a long walk to the locker room. Ben, you have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zero chance, even this, this is your last football game in your life. And I promise you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We will never get to the, we will quit before you get in this game, Ben. So you take those pants off. I'm surprised you even got them on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in a meeting and told the rest of the executive teams their retiree had passed away. I wasn't 100% positive when they asked for a name, so I gave them the first name that came to my mind. Everyone in the room was filled with shock and wanted to know if we sent anything to the family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If we at least reached out, couldn't believe he had died, was so young, etc.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After a few minutes of this, I finally felt I needed to say something and said, okay, sort of think I might have the wrong retiree's name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got several like, are you serious? Faces, and then I texted a colleague to confirm, after a short wait, I got the response was able to let everyone know in fact, I did have the wrong retiree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like Nick, some Nick would do. Yeah. Just tell everybody this guy's dead. And then once you question it, you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're watching people taking it really, really hard. You're like, this is a little bit more. Yea, I didn't think it would be this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I said retiree, and then they're like, and then he's, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our new partner has a product we have started using every day. We all started taking athletic greens because none of us, uh, eat grapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but we are looking for simple ways to be more healthy. This is a great, uh, start to the morning. I haven't, we, we have been, Laura usually gives us azalea greens before we get going. I've been drinking it in the morning and it's, it's really good. I mean, the taste is great. It's one scoop of powder with, uh, water, shake and drink. The travel packs are great for when any of us are on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can easily pour it into a bottle of water. It's just nice to be able to do it real fast, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, it really, after doing it, you do it a couple days and you're like, oh, this is good. And then you just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the different supplements yourself. The subscription comes with a year supply of vitamin D. Super important in the winter months. Right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, that is AthleticGreens.com slash Nate to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are, uh, uh, we're back to topics. I know people, I think we talked about, we're back to topics the original way. Oh yeah. So don't worry about it. I tried something. We felt the backlash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so we're back. We've been back, if you've been watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I've heard of all of these guys. So I would love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the first chief justice, maybe. Why didn't it ever take off though? John Jay. What do you mean? You know, I mean the other ones are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're big, big household names. Yeah, they're household names. This guy's an afterthought. John Jay is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I would think that when they invited, when they had parties they forgot to call him. And they go, oh my. Just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, don't take pictures, no pic, don't do any paintings, cause...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one wants to write. They passed it off on him. I mean, cause back then you had to write with like a pen, you had to dip it in ink. Yeah. And like, I mean, it was a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't have white out. They don't have, like it's, and like, you need to look at it. It's so liking this curse has got to be so drawn out. I mean, it's a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably a full on year trying to write that out. You gotta write it better than just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, this ain't like a regular thing. You gotta be like, you know, like really take it serious. Yeah. You're the best writer. Why don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Everybody just teams up. Yeah. John Jay's and yeah. And you're like, John, why don't you do it, dude? You need this more than I need it. Everyone knows who I am. Everybody. I'm crushing it right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like how, you know, like when you see, like when you think about that though back in that time, like that seems like such a hassle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like, you know, like right now you'd be like, just send an email. It's like a text, a text on where like you might write a letter, Melo letter, whatever, but like it would take, I mean, it's George Washington. I guess they were all there. They're all kind of in the same area, but it's funny to be like, you have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I guess that picture don't be in farther apart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. So it'd be a long, he's like, he's like, how about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just. I'm not. He would go, all right, I got it. Yeah, I'll take care of it. I'll take care of it. And I would just get on your horse, spend the night somewhere, wake up the next day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] GW loves it. Having a great time with you guys and the guy, it's awesome, man. He goes, well, write a letter. We'd like you to write a letter and make it a little more professional. And he goes, absolutely. I'm all over it. All over it. Spends the night, wakes up. Congress, it's real. Just, I mean, the stuff they were saying, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've done the route that Paul Revere has been on. Oh really? I of course don't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's, so that's, yeah, that's an, uh, it's about an hour. If he does 15 miles an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And he goes, uh, yeah, but probably an hour. I'm sure there's some stuff came up and I'm sure there's people go, what? And he has to stop and goes, the British are coming. And he goes, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the British. Is that what he's saying? The British? He's not the British. He goes, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The British! The British are coming! Where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here, like to you, they want to, they want to kill you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did it go back down when those questions people also ask, uh, uh, uh, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can wind this up. Yeah. He goes, you know what? He goes, I think we'll be done with it about early July. And he goes, that's perfect. Fourth of July, right then. I've got an idea. We're doing fireworks anyways. We might as well just do the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh? Might as well have a reason for it. Might as well. What day was it for? It was firework day. Fourth of July. It's an invention of fireworks. Might as well throw this in there with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Golly, that is crazy. His is huge. But if you went first, he was like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, there's people that have no- Rob Morris. Joseph Hughes. Oh, there's Benjamin Rush. Benjamin Rush is on there. Like, what is, who-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was this guy's name even on the wall. It looked like it was his, it would be like his thing. He goes, he barely had to do anything with it. You could argue John Henke is only remembered because of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine if they, if they could come, if they come back alive and everybody's like, he's like, Benjamin Franklin and everybody's like, wow, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everybody, you're telling you why you know all these people. And then John Hancock, because John Hancock, everybody claps and they're like, you signed, you signed, you remember the day you signed that thing too big? And he's like, yeah, he goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That caught on. It became a whole, that became a whole thing. You're in movies. Everybody says sign your John Hancock right here. I mean, you're just a saint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all you, that's your, that's all your. Where's like Thomas, uh, Thomas Edison? Thomas Jefferson. We're serious about that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I don't know what you're asking me. I mean, that thing, I mean, you're just asking me to ask you this question? What's that like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well dude, John Hancock is hilarious. Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is funny, like I bet, there's part of me that thinks, I hope John Cancock was just a wonderful person and nice. And he was like, dude, I'm mortified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so sorry. He goes, I don't, I wanted to like, and you know, and it's also like, yo dude, like we can't rewrite this thing. Like it's a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty crazy. It's crazy that they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, doesn't Johnny Hancock insure, instead of insurance company, they made him or financial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of people that, it is impressive that they did a, like, you know, so they all just talked about it and came up with the best. It's a lot of people, man. It's a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do they, do they make a copy of this or is there one, I mean they can't make a copy, so is there one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of like the theme of Veep. It's kind of earthling. Well, it's funny to be the first. It's like, you're the first though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He also, uh, as I think you run off, off, all backed in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're typing everything out, you're like, what are we doing everybody? You have to write everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're sitting in letters, our whole life is writing. Let's get to the point. That's his main platform when he's running. Yeaah. Trying to save everybody time. He would love texting now. Yeaah. Just where it's like, L-E-M-K, like or whatever the, you know, whatever the, I mean he would just be like all about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on now. It's funny that they even like have this, how do you even have that story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They wrote a letter and he said, uh, was it like Ben Franklin? Like I stayed with John Adams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I had, oh you know, I don't wanna open the window. I'm vice president. And I said, you don't even respect the job that you have. You think you're above it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's when they're doing duels. Like that's crazy. That's so mean that you're like, those words hurt and literally people would do duels in the street and it was legal. Like a sticks and stones things. You're like, that's a little bit hard, man. Uh, wow. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it might be Elon Musk, like someone that's going to Mars and going to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I wonder if you think he really cared about this? Maybe he was too old?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like he could be like, I'll sign it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were around. They were around, but he just wanted to be carried in on a chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like such a weird, you know, I just got like a golf shirt on right. I mean, it, you would be like, what man? I don't even want to, I don't think I could even talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to you. Like he sits down and goes, I'd like to talk to you, like I don't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so that's how the, they said you can only do it twice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said Thomas Jefferson, like, was he, so they, so they probably all met, they talked about what they should do, this is just what they were doing back then, like they would just get together and be like, let's met up some rules, George Washington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just put stuff in, dude. I don't want... Don't ask questions like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a, you're the guy that had Thomas Jefferson ship up a, you said, you thought that was a moose antlers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How small were the animals that they thought that, that those like squirrels?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no picture. I mean, just like, it should have been like, will you come over?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll show you. And I bet if Thomas Jefferson heard me say that now, he'd go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should've thought of that, you know? He even wanted to go. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You wait here. I'll bring it here. I'll bring it here. Why didn't he just go kill a moose over there and just say, this moose is from there. What do you mean? Like, oh, they don't have moose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy to be coming to America, like you go to America and you're like, you just don't know how far it goes. Like you're just there and you're like, how big is this? I mean, it's, it's just, it is, it is crazy. Just even right now, think like back then, like if they could just be like, if you could show them a globe, they would be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow dude. Like I mean you had to be like, I had no idea that this was this much stuff out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They're like, I thought that was a lot. I barely scratched the surface. Not even. Yeah. It's not even, I mean, it's so much. I don't know why they didn't go get Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't that one of the, Nicholas Cage movies? Yea, what would you, where would you sell it? I guess you could sell it to like another country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, I mean, that's what you'd almost, you'd have to like, I guess you could sell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like you always see people, they always have to sell in the black market, you know, or something, but you're like, who's going to be, if you have the constitution, like you want people to know you have it, but you can't get caught having it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say give it, that's why I'd go to another country that doesn't like care. Like, you know, if you're like, you go get to China or Russia, you know, like y'all want it and they'd be like, yeah, I'll buy it. And then they're like, then you need a country that's going to be like, yeah, you want to come get it, come get it. Like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I think it's good, like, some of that, like, uh, like having that stuff, we, I would talk about, like, I, I, it's good to have that stuff. Like, where you gotta say, like, they should be like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we always say president. It's like, it's like, that's, that's a, it's not a bad thing to have some rules. Formalities. Formalities. I need a little bit of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always crazy how they wrote all this stuff now. I know. I mean, it's unreal. It's unreal that that's even, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that, that, that one would come into play now. Like it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's pretty, like, you know, when you hear about them, you're like, these dudes were, just had to be the smartest dudes ever. Like, you're like, I mean, you're so long ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you ever drink your drive and just get home as fast as you possibly can. That's the message of the fourth amendment. Is that what amendment is that fourth? Fourth amendment. Little tipsy. You're on the road right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gun it. Get to your house in the garage or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right after the speed limit. All the car stuff up top. Don't worry about the speed limit amendment. Cause you need to get in, you are drunk. And you're already driving a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So you can just always say, that's what someone says, I plead the flip fifth and they just don't have to answer. So you don't get, that's against yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should do it for like the way they walk baseball players now. Where they just don't throw the four pitches, they go, just go on ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a, there's a story, a reason that made me think this. So my managers are Brillstein. He wrote a book, Bernie Brillstein, uh, and he's, he died, but Brillstein was like a brilliant dude, like in Hollywood, like, and so, uh, Brillstein, it was Brillstein Gray, I think for a while. And then his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, then it was just, now it's Brillstein. And so, uh, Bernie Brillstein was like, coming up, he was like a good, like, I remember Giannis always told me this about when he read his book, like, he knew the, I'll just make sure, I thought Holly was behind me, uh, he knew, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would say, uh, instead of show business, it's, it's, it's show business, not business show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very pro artist, you know, the entertainer, whatever, he was very pro that, like being like, it's that, it's about them, it's not about the business. It's about, you know, the entertainer. Uh, but there was this, but he was like, great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fine with these studios again, stuff. And supposedly there's a story with, uh, uh, Ed O'Neill when he's doing, uh, modern family married with children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like the first season of it, like doing it, and he's, uh, and Ed, like, he, he's like driving, and now the show's like a hit, and he's like asking for, you know, because it's the biggest show ever, like. And so this is back when, like, back then they gave away, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They gave, they gave like, uh, cars away and stuff like they gave. Like you would get like, if you, you could be like, hey my, Tom Cruise wants, eh, he wants a helicopter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I don't know, why don't you buy my helicopter if you think so. Like they, they would do stuff like that. And so, but like at O'Neill, the topic was alcohol, I think might be, I'm making that up, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ed O'Neill wanted like, he wasn't asking for any of this, but like Bernie was like, I'll talk. Like, you know, doing it to be like, I'm going to go get this stuff from my client. I mean, you know, Bernie would look at us like, you guys are making billions of dollars. I'm going to, you're going to give more than, you want to give something to this. This is, here's a reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, he's, they're like, alright dude, we're, we're in the pain or whatever. And he goes, he goes, he's not, well, it took a long time for you to say this. He goes, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, he wants, uh, I'm trying to think of this story exactly right. He goes, he likes, like, uh, foreign cars. And then, uh, wait, hold on, I want to make sure I get the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it, may, oh no, they go, maybe it's the money. Something like that. He goes, well how much money does he want? And Bernie goes, I don't know. He goes, I mean, I think I'll know when I hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was such a good answer to go like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's hard to say, but I think when I hear it, I'll, I'll know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it made, it was either that or the car was like, what kind of car is the one? He goes, I think I know one here, but they got him a car and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, cause he was like driving a whatever car and they were like, do you want your star to be pulling up? And like, and then so they got him like, uh, some new car. Like is this stuff that I don't even think Ed O'Neill asked for, but it was like, and then he went back and his clients like, he's like, dude, this is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That made me think of whatever that, I'll know when I hear it. Such a good way to say it. I'll know when I hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, just let me do whatever they want. You guys a little more worried about those people, you know? Hmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched that movie, Double Jeopardy. So Ashley Judd? Yea. Cause her husband fakes his death and then he's alive. Is that what it's about? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they had to give you a trial? A speedy, uh, within reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they came up with the word speedy. It's just like such a proper thing. I know, speedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, we need to do a, you know, it needs to be within reason. Say speedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you use it, I get all this stuff, like why would you not say like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where else would you use it and how do you use that word in any other sentence? Did you Google speedy in a sentence?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do speedy in a sentence click that question? Capitalize. The conference came to speedy in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the other ones are just still about, he's a speedy worker, the conference came to a speedy end, and then the other one is his speedy promotion is from Sheer Ability. It's, this is all written about the same guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a perfect example of someone trying to get in a big blown out argument of the word speed eating. He goes, all right, all right, I'll do it. I'll write seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll write it real speedy. Huh? There's one right there. I wrote it speedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope you have a recovery after reading how speedy this speedy recovery was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to punch you in the face and I wish you a speedy recovery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I see a lot of time, 19 and then top 7. But if you look- You're talking about like a 9.99 sale? Like that's why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do a top list, just type in a list. I don't, I don't think I've ever noticed, uh, if you go to like, they go top 100 list, top 10. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How we lose that vote. Tony Adams joke. That's a great joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I should be. I think you should throw a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's that theoretically when... That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think your feelings are hurt that you realized that we could all be Pope. And like you're, you thought you had something special going over us and you're like, nah, anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Weber family, if your last name is, if you come from a Weber line of people like The Grill, you, uh, cannot be Pope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's every traditional cry. Every day as they come in, he's just like, he just really cries and everybody, and they have to pat his head. Like, you know, like the way the what's that football team that walks down that thing and touches the rock, they touch the guy and they go, it's okay. It's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gotta be, there's gotta be some that are just, you know, ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not gonna be in my life, why would I care what they are? No tomatoes, no onions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like John Daly. Like John Daly wants to use a cart and you're like, John Daly's got his, sewed what he, you know, I mean, he's, is that what's the, whatever that is? He sewed what he reaped. And he, uh, John reaped. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, so he would do, but like Casey Martin was like, had like, it was something, whatever he had was like, it just was like, you know, like a not fair, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just hate it and he was that good of a golfer but he's like you could walk. Weber syndrome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it really? Yep. So you think you're smarter than you are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But how do they, how do they decide like not to do that or not? Who?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that like you reading stuff when I look at you and I go, come on dude, don't read. Like would it be like, is there someone like you? You know, if I'm like, sometimes when you read something, I'm like, where is this going? Is there a person that's like, I got this one and then I thought you would like it and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they don't get to choose, like someone comes up to them and goes, you're gonna do the golf thing. And he goes, I thought it'd be fun. He goes, I thought we'd do one fun. I thought we'd have some fun. Everything's so like Jack versus Jill and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Johnny versus Tommy and it's all these crazy things. You don't even know what this means. They just, uh, uh, uh, Morrow versus Clayton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, yeaah, they always say, would remember that trial, the this verse, and you're like, do people know these trials? I don't know any of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's a probably good one. Cause that's a little fun. Yeaah. You got a little like, they're burning a flag with a little like, that's probably was a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting one. That's an interesting one. Not fun, but it would be like, you're like, this is why we're here, man. And then there's, you know, it's like. That's why we play the game. Joe versus Streetlight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, slides versus Kevin. And then he's like, how's slides the guys lost? I thought it was like literal slide, like a slide. You're like, no, no, no. Kevin, I thought Kevin was trying to fight all the slides. No, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you could, you can, you can shout fire in the card or you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there have been like, so would that, cause that cause panic. But it's not specifically like, it makes it seem like it's like, you can only do the no fire crowd thing. You're like, what about a restaurant? You're like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot how he words it. So funny though. He goes, and the doctor said they did everything that they can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that, I like that they do that. Even though it's like I don't care that the kid, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is, you're like, you just wanna go, don't be an idiot, dude. Like, you're in school, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you say something at your job, where you're like, you can't say just anything man, like you can like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta go, you can't say anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you're taking something from, like, you're like, what do you wanna do, man? Like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's almost like the same thing though. It's like, they're doing what I'm saying. No one, don't be an idiot. No one's an idiot. This idiot did this. That doesn't mean we need to make a law. Cause it's just one person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, just like that. Turn that quick. Just turn that quick. You heard both sides. I'm practicing for my supreme fort. I'm at least show that I'm... The pope doesn't listen to both sides. Pope did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First Pope with a sponsor of Bass Pro Shops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How you doing? Aaron Weber, everybody. Uh, that's, uh, you know, he's wearing lures on his, uh, gown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got just on the backside of it, just a bunch of lures in case he's got fishing pole and lures under there and swings by a crick. First of, you know, has there ever been an American Pope? Could there be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just, how do you even get to the Supreme Court? You just like, you send it to your local?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then if it gets past, yeah, that's my guy back in my day. Judge Judy goes, this is too hard for me to decide. You go, all right, you go up to the next. Judge Joe Brown. Yeah. And then you slowly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, they keep appealing. They should do people's courts, should do like a real serious one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Laura knows that she, you know, this is people's court.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, welcome to my DVR 400 people's courts on there. We have 1% left because there's, I mean, there's 130 people's courts. Huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That 135, 135 people's votes is saved. Wow. And cause, and Laura just goes through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always like 9% DVR and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I gotta, I can't delete those, so I gotta, I'm like finding little nonsense I can delete of my like barely things. So with this library of I'm gonna, sure there's a streaming way to do this without.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the guy, Sven Wexler, the guy I started with, comedy with. I lived in Chicago and moved to New York. He was on one, but it's, I think it's just like those kind of cases. Like it's not, you know, it's just, yeah, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like that. But I mean, you go to the Supreme Court, like, so you go to your, yours, and then you just like, and they say like, we don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's pretty hard. You'd have to have a really crazy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that would be, that's even more the one that I just flipped on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one's even, that's Saturday, that's all, like if that one went 5-4, that one you could...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could, that one, you're at least like, yeah dude, he was during school. Like hers, you'd be like, whoever was the one is like crazy. You're like, she can, she can post whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's have that float around. You always worry about that behind your back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I honestly did it when you go high, you go top, they got a gym at the top, high score in the lane, I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess like, cause you gotta work out, like diabetes is the real thing you gotta answer to. That's our heart attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A heart attack's your real answer, so if you wanna get right, you gotta go up there. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. That's it, Founding Fathers Supreme Court. Founding Fathers Supreme Court got to the bottom of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Figured it all out. Figured it all out. All right. Thank you guys so much. As always, we love you. Thanks for listening. Truly, truly appreciate it and we'll see you next week. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know bringing you out cowboy boots on still wear those same size, same size jeans, by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean like, if your dad is 50, then I mean, I feel like Brian's a little bit younger than like, he's not at all. I mean, but I mean like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he's not, he's not, he's not like, oh, you know, Werther's Originals 50. Thank you, Justin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like strawberry. I don't mind it. Do you do the carton of it or do you do the ice cream sandwich?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's no last name, so I'm very skeptical of that. She's on her own. She lives alone. I think it's safe to leave it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like smoother, no seeds. Whatever. Yeah. No, no jam pulp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a few dudes that are 21 pilots. 21 pilots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's, I think there's a lot of them that are like that. I just, I think it's just kind of like you, you have to make a decision. Do you want to be commercial or do you want to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want to play venues? I mean, DMX is a great example, but do you want to play venues where there's bars in the middle of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Tupac was never, never what, like he, I mean, I get into arguments with people about this. Biggie was. Biggie was for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Biggie was that dude his whole life. Uhm, but Tupac was, I mean, Tupac went to like an art school and was like studied dancing and that's how he met Jada Pinkett Smith early on in their career. So like, he was never, he was never that dude. He, what happened was he hung around like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real gangsters. Like Suge Knight was a real gangster. So he was just trying to keep up. It's kinda like a thing where it's like when you're around a bunch of real, like, pitbulls, you gotta act like a pitbull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never knew that. This is the most hip hop this show has ever gotten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wait till I get to you watch Executive Decision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, so good. Kurt Russell at his most Kurt Russell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the, well the series is Bananas cause we started cause he'd never seen any of them. And, I mean again, spoiler alert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the first, like the first Friday the 13th, it's not even Jason. It's his mom. Well, I just watched Scream with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, you know, so that's a plot point they reveal in that. I would've missed that question. Right. And so, and then the second movie, I mean, like, if you ask anybody, what's the most important part of Friday the 13th? Like, what's the most iconic thing? They're gonna say Jason and his hockey mask. In the second movie, he didn't even wear a hockey mask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wears a pillowcase with one hole in it. Like to look through. To see one eye. And then, and then the third movie, he doesn't wear a mask through three-fourths of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a whole part of the theme of Jason is like, whatever the title is, they wait a good amount of time before they get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While, while, while he's chasing somebody else around, you just go up there, give yourself a haircut. Oh my God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, there's that moment when like the crazy guy is going through and you get real small and you're like, if he just does, if I, you treat crazy people like, like a T-Rex, like if I just don't move, don't breathe, he'll just go like right past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of his mom. It's like the whole thing, it's like he, the whole plot is that he drowns because people at the camp were negligent. They should have been watching him and they weren't. So the whole thing is that he comes back and punishes people at the camp because it's like they, it's like a tradition kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, literally at the, at the beginning of these movies, they show the end, and I promise you, it's literally like at the end, like all these people are dead. And ambulances just show up, they just put everybody in the wagons, and they just leave. There's no, there's no yellow tape, there's no investigation. It's like, let's just get them all, and then we'll figure it out later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no way to get out of it. How do- how do they get that boat out of there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everybody keeps disappearing and nobody's like, hey, there's no red flags. Just like, ah, it's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, yea, yea. Every, every, every movie. It's like, if you opened an O'Reilly's at Crystal Lake, you would be a millionaire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or they, they do, they do dumb things where like, hey, so we're gonna, we're gonna have like a picnic, but we need some light. It's like, I don't know, why don't we leave my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll turn my headlights on for eight hours. Yeah. And then I get there and like, ah, gosh, somehow the battery's dead. I forgot to charge it before I left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of times, a lot of times that person that knows was in the last movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do scooters too. They're big on scooter culture too. They have these big wooden scooters that they, when young kids gotta get somewhere, they have these big, they're crazy looking scooters. And they just, they're not ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The buggies are weird too because like a lot of times they sit in the back, so it literally looks like nobody's in the buggy. The buggy's just kind of going down the road by itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the moment you're like, like I always have a thing in my life where I like, if I see something that's weird and I like, there's supposed to be somebody there, like even like on the bus, there's that thing where like, I see people and there's like nobody there and I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The rapture just happened. Like it's like, I'm like that because I grew up with those movies and stuff like that. There it is. Yea, that's a moment. It happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think especially cause like, cause I'm not in that, I'm not in that life anymore. So, but even like, that's like the one thing that still like sticks to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there was something so amazing about having a phone and talking to somebody, and then just, just doing that, just the, oh that person is gone. Just ending the call aggressively.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you, literally, we had a conversation and it was, it blew my mind so much that literally while you were on stage, I pulled by, I started redoing things that I, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, I feel more inspired by hearing you talk for 30 minutes than I have any other thing that I've ever read, any other spot, you know, any, any other like inspirational, anything that I've ever read, listened to, you know, I, it all went out the window and I, like, like I said, I pulled my thing out and just started changing, writing stuff down, writing, reworking everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean like, I think that like, that's even before, you know, uhm, I started kinda changing things up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I always, if you, if you're a comic and you use broad strokes, we're like, when you start using people groups, like, all these people do this, all these people do that, well there's always gonna be people in that group that are like, well I'm not like that, I'm in this group. So I always, whenever, because I, you know, I went to a Christian college and I always use the Jesus's parable, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying all these things are like this, but I'm saying in this instance, this is what happened. This is what I learned from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also good, I think that, I think a lot of times, uh, younger comics, and I'm experiencing this more and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I, the more younger comics that I meet, where people get so frustrated, they're like, I'm not doing the things that you're doing, or you're not doing the things, like you're not doing the things you want, and you get a lot, real focused on what's going on at your level. And my whole thing is, is the, the ladder above you goes so high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's unbelievable. Like most people in the scene that I came up in, they can't even see where I'm at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I look at somebody like you and I can't even, like yours, like, it's like, so the ladder just goes so high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's unbelievable. So to get caught up in like little small petty things are like, oh, this person took a joke. It's like, listen, if you're great, write another one. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't. Your vision should always be up and forward. Like if you get stuck in the mud, you're always gonna be there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can feel the connection. Like, yeaah. It's weird, even like, it's not even like a laugh. It's not, it's, it's, I don't even know how to explain it. But what, like, cause like the last show you did when we had that talk, I said the restaurant, which is Schlossky's. I do, I do a thing about getting a big sandwich. Schlossky's Deli. Yeaah. And they have, their large sandwich is enormous. And uh,


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[Assistant] But it's the, I was not saying the name of the place cause I just wanted to, I wanted to get to where I was getting as fast as I could. Being efficient. And then he was like, you need to say, you need to say all these things that you just told me.


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[Assistant] But I said, but I said the name of the place and just in all my experience, I could feel the connection was different. I could feel it was different. And I can't say how many times you've given me something and in my brain, I want to think, cause as a comic, you're all, you're all, you're still a competitor. So you're always like, Oh, well he's, I can, I mean,


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[Assistant] He's right, he's right about a lot, but he's not right about this. And then I do, I always, everything that Nate's ever asked me or told me to do, I've always done it, even when I was like, I don't, I don't know about this.


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[Assistant] And at the end, but I mean, I'll tell you at the end, it's always like,


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[Assistant] The bob, the bobcat thing, that was like the first time I'd ever heard you say that. Yeah. What was it? The, the carpet. The, the, the plane and the Christian. Yeah. And he goes, uh, he goes, you stole it and you're like, I forgive you for stealing it. Yeah. Yeah. That was like the bobcat. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But we were at the, I was at the cellar and when you hang out at the Comedy Cellar in New York, there's only one bathroom in the place and it's downstairs in the showroom. So if you're upstairs eating at the restaurant, you have to go downstairs.


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[Assistant] And so you're always close quarters. So I go downstairs and it's a tell and, uh, Jeff Ross is on stage and they were doing a thing where they were kind of working on their, they did a special where it's like they bring audience members up and they roast them or whatever. And I'm walking down the stairs and as soon as I emerge, like you can see my silhouette in the door, I see Dave look up and I see his eyes light up.


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[Assistant] Which is a very, you're like, oh no. If you ever see a comic, like, if you've ever been in the crowd before, you'll see a comic kind of like lock eyes with you and they get, you're like, oh, here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes.


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[Assistant] And then I guarantee you, he peppered me with so many jokes. I mean, it had to be ten jokes on my way to the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom like, I gotta go, I have to go back, I have to go back.


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[Assistant] And he knows it's me because that light, for normal people, is like a little bit of a sliver. And this one, the door has to come all the way open. So he knows it. He knows it's coming. He knows a big guy's coming. And as soon as I come back, it's like he was waiting for me. He was always waiting for me. And then as soon as I come back.


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[Assistant] He just hits me with joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. Just making fun of me the whole time. And then at the end you're like, there's no other joke.


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[Assistant] They could possibly do what, there's no way he could top what he just did. And I get to the door and I'm almost out and he goes, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the six burro. And I was just like, oh my, the whole room goes bananas. And it's like, you ever get hit with a joke that's so, so crazy, you just stop and place. You're like, ah, like, just like he, like you got nailed so much.


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[Assistant] That's one of the reasons I, uh, uh, even the whole tour, like we're, we're playing these great places and it's so easy. Like when you do so many of those things, you're like, you know, you kind of lose, you know, this theater, that theater and it's just like, no, no, dude, dude.


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[Assistant] Elvis was here. Yeah. You know, you, you, you go on this wall and all these legends are behind you. Steve Martin was in the theater that we were in last night. Yeah. And Martin Short together. Yeah. You know, it took both of them to sell out the thing that you did. Yeah. You know. You gotta gas him up a little bit. Yeah. I make him give me, I go, give me a little pump up.


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[Assistant] But it's like, it's a thing where it's, it's like you, you also need somebody. You took the $50,000 friend. Yeah. It's like, that's what you, you, you gotta have somebody around you. It's like, dude, this is great. Enjoy this. Like enjoy the moments.


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[Assistant] Because you never, and, and like, I think it's something we forget to do a lot, is, I mean, like everybody at this table, we all have do, doing amazing things, you know, Mr. Opry over here, he's doing it just as much as you are.


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[Assistant] I, I, I, that, that's, you doing that is the most important thing. Cause my dad is like that. I mean, my dad has been very successful in business before, but it's like he always keeps his, his circles always just, just the guys are just like, why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? Why do you, why do you, why do you need a,


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[Assistant] I need a, I need a gold gun case. Yeah. And he's like, I don't know. And she's like, yeah, what are you, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] When I heard him say it, I was like, man, he's not wrong. He's not wrong. He gets it. I'm a little further into DXL than he is. So, but, uh, I, uh, uhm.


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[Assistant] I, there was a commercial where it was, uh, basically it was a, a farmer had to go execute the turkey for Thanksgiving and the turkey gave, uh, the guy a Bud Light. Yeah. And then the next shot, you see the guy at Thanksgiving dinner, there's a pizza in the middle of the.


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[Assistant] Like, I always wanted to have a Thanksgiving where it was just like, all the favorite foods. Just as a side dish? No, just everything.


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[Assistant] I mean, even like pizza rolls. I mean, just, just go crazy. It should be a table of insanity. Cause all Thanksgiving is like, I associate it with sports.


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[Assistant] And he's like, you know, next time, I'll bring you some brisket. And he's like, why don't you just cook? And my dad was like, I'll cook for the whole show.


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[Assistant] Like the whole venue, like he wanted to wheel it out and start selling things. And then my dad tried to get him to come do his venue. And he tried to get my dad to come, he tried to get Nate to do a field.


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[Assistant] The, the people that landed there, cause you land in it, like this is how smart the people that came here were, they landed and they were just like, we're just gonna stay right here.


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[Assistant] But they didn't have any, oh I'm sorry, you go ahead, you're the history guy.


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[Assistant] I mean, just put the, put the jug right on the table. Yeah. Yeah. Jug of sweet tea? No, just any, any, whatever plastic is on the table.


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[Assistant] Did you ever do the thing in New York where you would do it the day before to go see them blow them up?


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[Assistant] They do it, they do it in the park, so like the night before, and they do the parade, you can go and see all the balloons blown up before, and you can be like right next to them.


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[Assistant] I just think they should have the parade in like the, in the middle of nowhere. And that way like you can, you could go like real country with the balloons. Oh, go big with it. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's a good idea. And then to deflate them.


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[Assistant] You get like a, like a pumpkin cannon, like a big pumpkin thing, and then the pumpkins take em. You can get real country real fast.


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[Assistant] I did not know that Ronald McDonald's could get more terrifying. Yeah, but there it is.


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[Assistant] I mean that looks, that, I mean, that looks like the guy that competes with Jason.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it's also one of those guys cast but a lot of times are but that's what they're there for is because like it's because of the radio tradition because like that's why that whole thing because like it's


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[Assistant] Little things across the screen. How many times do you watch television with just with things going across the bottom of the screen?


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[Assistant] Voices in it. So you just watch the game. Cause like I can't say how much like additionally angry I get when I hear a broadcaster say something or like they say so many dumb things.


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[Assistant] Well they do that now, the raid, you listen to the raid, the home broadcast.


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[Assistant] But, I mean I'm talking just like, just inside, just, just...


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[Assistant] You just hear what's going on in the field. It's actually way more peaceful.


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[Assistant] Well also I think it's the thing, it's like, where, where were you interviewing people?


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[Assistant] Uh, I remember when that happened. We were on tour with Graham. And Graham's like, I'm Canadian. And then some woman goes, Happy Thanksgiving. Because it was Canadian Thanksgiving.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was hotter than one would think. Yeah. It always is hotter in those stadium seats. Up there. Yeah. Up there closer to the sun. Yeah. Near the sun. You're looking, your head's


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[Assistant] Vanderbilt has a 32 year old tight end who played 11 years ago at Notre Dame. Really? Walked on to Notre Dame, played 11 years ago.