[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is, I'm just going to assume about clean comedy, but did you see the, uh, we were talking about the Ranker. Ranker did the top clean, best clean comedians of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Henry Cho, Nate Land alum. Yeah. Ryan Hamilton. Very funny. Jim Carrey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that sound guy just said, you guys ready? And they're like, I guess we're starting. And they get started and he just meant, let's do a sound check. Wow. I mean, that is a great story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard a lot of people say two times the speed is the way to listen. Oh yeaah. Because it sounds normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, sometimes we get stuck focused on problems instead of the solution. We've talked about it on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem solving mode when faced with a challenge in life. When you learn how to find your own solutions, but when you find your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A therapist can help you become a better problem solver, making it easier to accomplish your goals, no matter how big or small.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can help you talk through that thing that you may want to share with your family or friends. We're all talkers and we know the benefits of getting things out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp is online therapy that can, you can get by video, phone, and even live chat on therapy sessions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Live chat only therapy sessions. It is much more affordable than in-person therapy. You can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And switch therapists anytime. If you don't like the therapist, just keep...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try another, another therapist. I think it's a great for anyone to try, no commitment, easy to get started. This is kinda what you talked about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. And these therapists are there to help you become a better problem solver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make it easier to accomplish your goals no matter how big or small. So when you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash nate today to get 10% off your first month. That's better h-e-l-p dot com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I've got one that, uh, you got me started on. What's that? Adobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. All right. This week we're talking about the Dakotas. Both. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there used to be one thing, just the Dakota Territory. And then, uhm, the South did not like the North. The South had some of the bigger...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The southern part of Dakota did not like the northern part of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Southern part of Dakota did not like the northern part of Dakota. Southern part was more civilized and they said the northern part was just some wild maniacs up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So they finally like, all right, let's just split it up and we'll make a North Dakota and a South Dakota. Then they get into a debate. Well, who gets to join the union first?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Benjamin Harrison was the president then and he's like, I'll tell you what, I'm just going to mix up. I get the document you signed. I'm just going to mix it up, not look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'm not even going to know myself and I'm going to sign it. And so no one truly knows which one became the 30 United States and which one became the 40th state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's cool. Is listed as North Dakota just because it's alphabetical, but, but that's why they did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a conspiracy theory that no one lived in North Dakota. That if you drive up there, you just, you hit Canada. But I think that's been debunked. I have been to Fargo and Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I remember we were in South Dakota, Sioux Falls. Mm-hmm. Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Have you ever been to either of the Dakotas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I haven't been to the Dakotas. They said they had more grassland than any other states. So I'm guessing it's just a lot of open fields. Probably. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thought that's what that, I wasn't 100% sure what a grassland meant, but North Dakota State's football team won five consecutive national championships between 2011 and 2015. Took a year off, then won three more in 2017, 18, and 19.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Carson Wentz, quarterback for the commanders now, I guess, played there. So they're very small school, but they just dominate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm thinking about the, uh, the, sorry. The Badlands is in South Dakota, but uhm, I'm just getting the, is it the Black Hills where Mount Rushmore is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that started, the local historian wanted something to promote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dakota tourism, because nobody's coming to South Dakota. So he was like, what if we carved aside this mountain and just do some local figures?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a lot of famous Native Americans from there, Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some local people, and then the sculptor, I think, eventually is like, nah, we gotta broaden it more than that, so let's do Presidents. So, do you know the four Presidents up there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now in Superman 2, the villains from Krypton, they came and destroyed Mount Rushmore, and then they put their faces on there, but there was only three villains, so one of them, they just had to just destroy and leave destroy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, each president represents, George Washington represents the birth of the nation, uh, Thomas Jefferson, the growth of the nation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Abraham Lincoln, the preservation of the nation and Theodore Roosevelt, the development of the nation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all 60 foot high head carvings. Now there's been some rumors about a fifth, fifth person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it started all the way back in the 1930s. They wanted a woman. Oh boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talked about Susan B Anthony and then the sculptor said, well, that rock over there on the side, that's not good rock. So let's just leave it. Let's just leave it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last sculptor, or carver, they call him, just died a couple years ago. He was 98 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's been talk over the years about John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then a few years ago, there was some rumors circulating that Trump wanted to go up there. And he tweeted, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never suggested that, but however, based on all the many things I've accomplished during the first three and a half years, perhaps more than any other president, sounds like a good idea to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was the famous Native American, uh, who this has been under construction for 70 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just says it's near it. But that one... Yea, look up the crazy horse one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when finished it will be the largest sculpture in the world carved into a mountain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think that's just maybe, I don't know, but when they were done, it's supposed to be him riding a horse and pointing to his tribal land. Here's the thing, nobody knows what he even looked like because he refused to have a picture made of him because he thought it stole his spirit. Yeah. So I get that. They're just getting it the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I just read there was no photo of him because he refused to have pit. Going back down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They keep, they keep, uh, needing more funding and, and that's why it's, among other things, it's delayed so long. They just, it's all private donations for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so it's, it's taking a little bit longer to do it. Now, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Topic. I always like to people do it. I was like, who'd you be on your Mount Rushmore presidents? It always takes on a few minutes to, to think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I miss what you were saying. You want to finish building off so when years from now people will...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I went to the Chicago Field Museum and they have a T-Rex there, Sue, and it's 90% uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've seen the head. I can't prove that that's real and that they didn't make it, but at the Chicago Field Museum, there is a head there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. See there's some ribs there maybe missing, but some parts, but she's pretty comfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but anyway, it was discovered in 1990 by a woman named Sue Richardson, and so therefore they named it Sue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the, the badlands, which you were asking about. I've been there, I've seen that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two things from that museum, that and then the movie with Val Kilmer where the lions were hunting them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like at this point it can't live up to your expectations. I don't think it. I feel pretty good though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it, some of those sips in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the Badlands National Park has some of the most unique fossils of anywhere. They have found a three-toed horse, a saber-toothed cat, and a dog-sized camel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they also have the mammoth sight of hot springs, which is, uh, all these wooly mammoth bones they found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they've left them untouched. They're just still there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate to watch, so South Dakota has more bison than any other state. And I was Googling whether a bison could beat a bear, which I think you talked about. That's one of the ones that can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even say fighting because the bison's just trying to get away, but the bear's on its back and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really like to watch that now when the bear, in this case the bear won. It was kind of a small...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bison. And I just don't like to watch them when they actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get taken down and die. It's just... Yea, you don't see reality. Yea, that's a baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look, I understand that way life happens, but I still don't necessarily want to watch it if I could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they just did the proper things to preserve them and make them, well you can't hunt them and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I think they almost decimated them. And I think the American government even encouraged it because they were trying to wipe out the Indians, excuse me, Native Americans way of life. So they kind of encouraged these fur traders to do it just so they, Native Americans had a finally like, all right. Also probably tough if you're building a village.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we'll go to your grocery store. Go to Ted's Montana Grill and get a bison burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they're just, I think they kinda keep themselves if, if, unless you mess with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is why deer is everywhere now because so many neighborhoods get developed and pushes them out and they gotta go somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was surprised that, uh, the Dakotas don't really have bears. I thought of that as a big grizzly bear country. They do have some black bear that are just starting to migrate there, but do not have bear for the most part. That's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the, the number one, uh, North Dakota's number one leader in wheat production. That's not an animal, but, uh, I don't have any other animals. Sorry. Okay. He's no more. I'm a coyote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] North Dakota and South Dakota are the fourth and fifth least populous states in the country. Uh, you might want to guess the top three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the what? The least? Least amount of people. And what are they? The top two? Uh, fourth and fifth, the Dakotas are. Oh, of least? Populous states.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good guess, Alaska, Wyoming, and Vermont.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think though it's just very subtle hints they're thinking. Just like when gas is $3.99 or anything, you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you don't think we know it's four dollars, but psychologically, some of us. Yeah, but I don't, I don't, I still don't think people are flying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The geographical center of North America is in rugby, North Dakota. See, that's a great one. Yep. So they've got a geographical center.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they, North Dakota has a giant buffalo sculpture, the world's largest buffalo monument.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, uhm, and the world's largest Holstein cow you met. All right. Named Salem Sue. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got a, we got a big buffalo. We got them all, man. They got a highway. The Enchanted Highway has the world's largest scrap metal sculpture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a 32 mile stretch where a guy said it was boring, so he's like, I'm just going to build some metal sculptures along this way, just to make it happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if that's kept up, but a lot more people moved there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have the fewest, this kind of surprised me for whatever reason, fewest reported UFO sightings. Wow. North Dakota's had to go to one and two for fewest reported sightings. Of course there's just not a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Built in 2008. Before that, tall destruction of the world in North Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In New York, which is the tallest building in the US, is what, 1,776 feet? Wow, I didn't know that. And this was 2000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the second tallest one's also in North Dakota, TV Tower. KRDKTV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's why it is so tall. People are so spread out there that you gotta really get on up there. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, now I mentioned that the center of North America is in North Dakota. The geographical center of the United States is in South Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The place in Kansas claims it, but they don't take Alaskan Hawaii.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Consideration now that Alaska wire here, it's in Belfort, South Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about the Louisiana purchase during the old west episode, but I don't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the most landlocked area of North America from either coast is also in South Dakota. Like further, it's over a thousand miles from either Pacific Ocean or the Atlantic Ocean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Washington Pavilion, where you're performing. I'm going to Rapid City. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're performing at Washington Pavilion. Yes. Uh, it's haunted. Ooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the rumor is that they were doing some renovations back in 1997 and a guy fell to his death in the elevator shaft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people say that his ghost will ride with you on the elevator and disappear before you reach your floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's cool, but he just wants to join you. Does he talk or something? I don't see him or do they say? They see him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess so for him to come out. Uh, some famous people from South Dakota, Tom Brokaw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Is it, I don't know if South Dakota's, is the Dakotas considered the Midwest?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I generally know what the Midwest is. Dakota's I'm not sure. I think it's like, I would just think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of the, or many of the great news anchors come from the Midwest because their voice, because it's in the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not skewed southern or northern, it's kind of neutral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's why I was asking, cause Tom Brokaw's South Dakota, which I'm not sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Brock Lesnar's from South Dakota. He looks like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was thin. I don't know if he was small. He's maybe tall, but he's thin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do take speech classes. Yeah. There's been times where people have changed your Wikipedia just because of something from the podcast, just to kind of make an inside joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Uh. Aperture desk job? Aperture desk job. Oh, yeaah. So, uh, Deadwood? Did you ever watch the HBO show Deadwood?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hear it was great, I didn't see it either, but it's set in the town of Deadwood, South Dakota. It was one of the famous towns of Old West. Gold Rush happened and they were just lawless there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just anything went, Wild Bill Hickok was killed there. But it's a famous tour site there because it's just like the wildest of the Wild West.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I don't know where is that either. But yeaah, I think I saw that too. It was very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we talked about this in the doppelganger episode, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they made a fake post movie poster called Dakota with you and Lou Tom, Lou, what's his name? Lou Diamond Phillips? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I wish I could show it to you, Dusty. There's a guy that looked just like, I think you've put in Dakota and Lithamate grass. Maybe he'll come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that movie poster they made, they put your actual face on his body, but it wasn't that different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the Dakota Wars went on for a while, and uhm, the last major battle was the Wounded Knee Massacre, where 146 Sioux Indians were killed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 31 U.S. Soldiers. There's a move, or mini-series on HBO, Buried My Heart at Wounded Knee, that was pretty good. I watched that one, I guess it's based off a book, but, uh, yeaah, it's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was pretty brutal back then, just everything going on, but that kinda ended the war with them. Dakota is a Sioux word that means friend or ally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think Mount Rushmore, they're like, well, let's do something to honor you guys. And they're like, all right, we want our land back. And they're like, well, we're not going to do that, but we'll do anything else. And they've offered them stuff and they're like, no, we just want our land back. It was called something else. That Mount was called something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six grandfathers or something. And then the, one of the rich people who donated to the cause, his last name was Rushmore. And he was like, what if we just called it Mount Rushmore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The number one's date for powwows, which is kind of like a homecoming for Native Americans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number one place to go for a powwow. Yeah. Uhm, but I didn't know powwow was really still a real thing, but it is. When they get together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's never been a president from either the Dakotas, but there has been a vice president, Hubert Humphrey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. Now you want to do it? Uhm, George McGovern ran for the president, uh, for the democratic party in 1972. He was from South Dakota, but he lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a law, that's the closest they've come to having a president, the democratic nominee. There's a law in South Dakota. I don't know if this, I want you to investigate when you're there. This can't be still dumb, but I couldn't find otherwise that hotel rooms are required by law to have two twin beds in every room, two feet apart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we'll find out. See if you can get a king bad if they say nope, it's against the law. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That last one, I mean, go ahead and do the last one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, Sturgis motorcycle rally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every year in Sturgis, South Dakota. That's big. It is a big one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, people are very upset about it, but it's a huge, huge motorcycle rally. Davis Rodman's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, first surviving set of quintuplets was born in South Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] South Dakota once again. Four girls, one boy. Imagine having five kids at once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, the having part would be tough. I think, were you talking about the having part?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a woman, in this case, that literally birthed them and she had five kids, but I just meant...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, everyone put their mask on. Well, Dusty was, I was listening to Dusty's podcast during the pandemic and he was like, I don't care if you want to wear a mask, don't wear a mask. I don't care. I'm not going to make fun of you. So I showed up at Zany's that night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll walk in the green room, Desti goes, Oh, it's Bane from The Dark Knight Rises and immediately made fun of me. So pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you go to Sioux Falls and you gotta at least ride that elevator to Washington Pavilion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See that north part's what tricked you, Dusty. You just assume it's cold up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright, is that it? Yep, I think I'm in, uh, so that's where you are this weekend. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm doing a show at a church in Yatkinville, North Carolina this weekend. And then, uh, I got my dry bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taping October 22nd and then Comedy Catch October 28th and 29th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Price picks is the easiest and fastest way to play daily fantasy sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, his wife, uh, her hair, I guess was hanging over the seat, the guy behind him and the guy put his knee on her hair, like, you know, to pin it against the chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they got into a, uh, not a fist fight, but they got in a big argument. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I mean, I don't, I wasn't there, but he said the only reason it's touching the guy is because the guy's taking his knee and pinning it against the back of her chair. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people believed, a lot of people said, I could, we should give him another chance, but I could see him doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a lot of people say this was their favorite episode. And I'd say, because of Greg? And they're like, yeah, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty said they were like tiny oranges, but those are tangerines. That's a tangerine, yea. But we're talking about nectarines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how'd they get the apple and the peach get together and make a nectarine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I didn't know it was Arizona, but I saw that movie, uh, there was a movie about it, fire in the sky. And, uh, there were some loggers and, and they saw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the end of the shift, a bright light and he got out of his truck and went and it sucked him up to the spaceship and he was missing for a few days and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His buddies they thought had killed him and they were being investigated and then he just shows up and says that aliens abducted him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think in the movie he fights with the alien, like kicks him or something. I don't think they have other humans up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So as always, buddies took a polygraph test and all passed. So there you go. T-bone. T-bone. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was sick of logging, so he was like, I'll go on this spaceship and tour the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had you read that, so now we both murdered it. Uh, Gila is a Gila monster, apparently. Gila?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I guess I said the Gila monster was poisonous and, uh, a reptile expert, Jesse Rothacker said they're not poisonous, they're venomous and there's a difference, which I did not know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said it would hurt very bad, but it's not poisonous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the pedia part I get, I guess, like encyclopedia. Wiki, doesn't that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Guys, I did some liquid IV this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says, uh, I've been using Liquid IV before a workout. Alright, that's not true, but I did have Liquid IV this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prize picks, prize picks, I'm all into daily fantasy sports, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My fantasy team lost this weekend, unfortunately, but, uh, the Titans won the first game. MTSU Blue Raiders took down Miami. How about that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, they were ranked 25th. It's the first time they've beaten a ranked team, so very excited about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, prize picks allows you to basically pick whether something's over or under. So like, Derek Henry.


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[Assistant] I think he ran for 85 yards this past Sunday, and this coming Sunday you can pick is he going to run over 85 yards or under 85 yards. I hope it's over. Uhm, but that's just one of the options you get. Cooper Cup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they have him down to 0.5 touchdowns. Basically saying, is he going to score a touchdown or not? You can just pick.


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[Assistant] Uh, over it or under it. No, I'm sorry, not over it, under it, more or less. These could get more yards or less yards. And you get it. So you pick two to five players and if they will go score more or less than the prize picks projections, you can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entries can be made in 60 seconds or less. It's that easy. Download the PricePix app or go to pricepix.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports. First time users can receive 100% instant deposit match up to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With promo code Nate. If you deposit $100, PriceBix will give you $100. If you deposit $50, PriceBix will give you $50. I think we got it. I always look at you guys because I want to make sure. Don't forget to enter promo code Nate at signup for instant deposit matchup to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gas stations. Boom. Alright. If you're gonna go get air in your tire, you're crying over here, Aaron. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty, if you're gonna get air in your tire, where do you tell Hanna you're going? Get it. I'm going to the gas station. Gas station. I'm gonna run up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people call them service stations, uh, in parts of Canada, they call them, uh, gas bars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, most of us call it gas station. There is a difference between gas station and convenience store. Uh, 7-Eleven convenience store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. Uh, bodegas in New York City are technically convenience stores. There's like 10,000 of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, some gas stations aren't convenience stores. Some just sell gas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think when cars first were invented, from what I read, it was kind of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quick come back. Uhm, it's kind of like what electric cars are now. When they first get it started, they're still trying to figure out, well, how do you keep them running?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they would like sell gas like at markets and stuff like that. You just go buy it in a can and then finally they open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, actual gas station. The first one where you pull in and like pump it was in 1913 in Pittsburgh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but at first they were just trying to figure it out. Kind of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take it home. Cracker Barrel had charging stations here. You're like, just try to figure it out. Yeah, take it home. They don't have them anymore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they do, but I'm saying now there's a lot of places for charging stations, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's for like, years from now when everything's electric cars, they're going to be like, Cracker Barrel is one of the first places you could go. It just seems weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a tourist in New York City, there was nothing more exciting to me than to go into that little bodega right around the corner from Letterman to see, I forgot his name now, but the guy that Letterman always talked with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some state, well, now I guess it's down to, New Jersey's the only state, the whole state, you can't pump your own gas. They have, someone has to pump it for you. Oregon, up until 2018, they pumped their own, he had a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't pump your own gas, but now they'll allow counties that have fewer than 40,000 residents to pump their own gas. But if you're in a big city, you still can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is why the wall is, is there because they're afraid somebody will pull off with a pump so attached to their car, Aaron, or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they think people now are too, too distracted and...


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[Assistant] I always got nervous about that. They had some do's and don'ts that, and the only thing that I have done is don't get back in your car while it's pumping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said don't do that. And in Massachusetts, uhm, they don't even allow, you know, the locks that, that most of us use. They don't even have them there. Or I guess they didn't at one time because it's very cold there, there's a lot of static electricity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a chance you get back in your car, some static electricity builds up and causes a fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wouldn't it be, take more time to go to another gas station than just sit there? It's not about the time. It's the principle of that lock. You lost a customer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess air is coming out of your tank while the gas is going in. There's another little hose within the hose. No one ever points the hose to look at it, but there's a smaller hose that I guess sucks air out and it builds up and it can tell when it's full.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I may have told the story on here before about a comic who did that and it overflowed. Roger Keese. You know Roger Keese? No. And, uh, I mean they had to like call 911.


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[Assistant] I don't know, but he said he was in line and somebody came in and was like,


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[Assistant] Call 9-1-1 and then like, can everybody get back? And they had like bringing a bunch of sand and just all this stuff. Did you call 9-1-1? I called the fire department.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're having a good time. Yeah. Do you talk on your cell phone while you're pumping gas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's never been a fire caused by a cell phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are signs that say no cell phones, a lot of gas pumps, because it does cause static electricity, so it could happen, they say. So you shouldn't have any electronic equipment around a gas pump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Static electricity. There are videos of people getting in their car and getting back out and fire start. Or a balloon, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it just starts talking all of a sudden. I mean, I've jumped out of my skin late at night. I think I'm the only one there and then the local news anchor. So, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, uh, I always let it get to the E, the light comes on, and then I fill it all the way up, and then I just do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're right. 87, 89, 91. But I didn't know this, but it's just the regular and the premium coming together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The warranty, they said the warranty may not, they may not honor it if you damage your engine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The early days they would sell gas in glass containers so you could see what kind of gas you're getting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Food in there. They have a strategy how to build gas stations. Uhm, they say that the best place to build a gas station is right after you go through a light at a four way intersection on the right hand side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was good. I mean, I just ran in. I was going to Knoxville to do shows and there's one in Crossville, Tennessee now. Maybe we've talked about that.


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[Assistant] I got a glimpse of it, it's, it's, it's a big ass thing.


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[Assistant] I was with Angela this weekend on the road, Angela Johnson, and she said they did the same thing. They stopped that same bunkies and just used the bathroom. You don't go walk around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I was, I wasn't late, but I didn't have time to, to browse. Five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Car, bathroom, car. I mean, the bathrooms are way in the back of Bucky. So I'll walk through and saw it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was incredibly busy in there. Everybody was going to Knoxville for the Tennessee Florida game and the lines were long at the checkout line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the first convenience store to stay open 24 hours was the 7-Eleven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in Austin, Texas, after a University of Texas football game. This is like the 1960s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Students kept flooding in and people at the game and they just never could close. They stayed open all night and then they started realizing there's people that want to come around the clock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they started opening around the clock, 24 hours. And then they were like, oh, games are only once a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now there's 150,000 convenience stores in the United States.


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[Assistant] Just, just a moment. Most people spend, how much time would you say spend in a grocery store and a convenience store?


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[Assistant] Before I told that story, y'all would have said I spent all day in there. That's true.


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[Assistant] 80% of convenience store food is purchased, I mean that's purchased is eaten within the first hour. 65% is eaten immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, millennials, I'd be you, right? They buy at least one prepared food from a convenience store each week, meaning that's their meal. You're more than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It beat out Firehouse Subs, Jersey Mike's, and Subway for best sandwich. It is a really good sandwich. It's famous once the Gobbler made with turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds like it. What do you guys think is the number one item bought in a convenience store?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that would be snacks. Not that specific. Oh. But, so you'll say snacks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tobacco's number one. Alright. Snacks number three. Uh, snacks are actually number five. What else is there? Drinks were four. I said drinks. Number three, lottery tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two most famous convenience store drinks, both from 7-Eleven. Slurpee. Slurpee. Icy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, well I see something in itself and then the big gulp. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] 32 oz is the big gulp. And then they did the double gulp, which is 50 oz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, they had the monstrous team gulp, which is 128 ounces.


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[Assistant] So they used to do Slurpees and Big Gulp. You have to do it behind the counter. You couldn't do it yourself. You had to take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Became such an issue that when Michael Bloomberg was trying to ban sodas in New York City, they called it the Big Gulp ban.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a limit on how much beer you could buy? Or alcohol?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every July 11th, 7-Eleven gives away 500,000 gallons of Slurpee. Hmm. In Australia, it's, it's November 7th because they write their calendar backwards. Oh, really? Yeah. That's fun. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Slurpees were so big that the Simpsons, they did a parody called the Squishy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was, it was made by accident. It was made by a Dairy Queen worker. His freezer.


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[Assistant] Stopped working, so he threw a bunch of soda bottles into his freezer. And then when he got them out, they had ice in them and people really loved it. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, oh, what do you call this? He said, I call it the icy. And that's how icy started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then when 7-Eleven bought the rights from him, they changed it to Slurpee. The name, the Slurpee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The world's largest convenience store, Bucky's in New Brunsville, Texas. 120 gas pumps, 83 bathroom stalls, a thousand parking spaces. I need to go see that one. 31 cash rushers. Parked right by the bathroom, got in and out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paying at the pump is a relatively new thing. Yeah, I remember not doing that. My mom still doesn't. Yeah. She doesn't know how to do it, so she'll just go waving. She doesn't care. She gets gas like three times a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but they thought that would cut out all the buy and all the stuff because if people weren't going in anymore, you know, it was really cut down, but it actually had the opposite effect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause now the lines weren't as long for everybody and having to pay gas. So the people who are really into buying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff just made a day of it and it actually picked up sales


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, I think we talked about a previous episode with all these electric cars starting, convenience stores are actually going down. There's fewer now already than there used to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they'll eventually either fight away or they'll have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Change. So what they're talking about doing is maybe one thing is I guess most people who have electric cars, they have a level one charger. They're talking about installing level three chargers, which can charge your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause now it takes a long time to charge a car, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where you come, there's a lounge, espresso bar, free wifi. So that's kinda what you're thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So convenience stores will either go away or they're just going to have to totally change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way they do things. And we've talked about Harper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pumping gas and you know, stuff like that. I know she's already been with you to pump gas before. But our, our daughters...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they, that's 15, 16 years from now. Who knows?


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[Assistant] Yeah, California said by 2035, selling all electric cars. I'm more into DVDs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see where NASA crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid?


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[Assistant] To see if they can make it bounce a different direction. So if one ever came toward earth, they could, uh, divert it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said it'll be a while before they know for sure if it changed course, I think.


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[Assistant] Those are probably not convenient, so those are gas stations, right? Those are strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's Watertown, but you put a little R in there. Water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's Thursday, I'm with Angela Johnson in Memphis. And then, uh, Saturday, I'm with Angela here in town at the Ryman Auditorium where she is taping her special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm going to be opening her for that, and she's doing two shows at Ryman, that'll be fun. And then October 22nd, I'm recording my Drybar special in Provo, Utah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make sure you, as a waiter at like a fancy event, walk around, some pigs in a blanket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same. This is a special white hat episode.


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[Assistant] A lady that gave me candy wrote a note and it said, Hey bear.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you know, and if you're hiking and you do a hay bear and someone gives you a hello folks back, then you know what's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, especially, you know, I mean, I love the Carlton character, but you don't see him in a ton of things, so it's like, he's like, nah, I'm gonna keep doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the, what would you say the worst game you've ever had was?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I wish you'd have called me. It is exciting, but yeah, I mean, it would be weird if you were like jumping up and down or something in here, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you hang out with country or relatives, do you ever feel like that you don't want to use big words?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if the big, like I don't use big words that's too smart, but I mean like sometimes if I'm like in the country, I'm like, I try to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody says, what up B-Dog to you? How do you match that energy? What do you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, for myself, I just have bird feeders at my house and then I'll just set out the back. This was mainly during the early days of COVID when we couldn't do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did, what did he say? He said, he said that he's an old guy. He goes, I'm about to get a new fence. That's what, that way you won't have to look at me anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I love the birds. I'm all about it. I wonder, yeah, that is two more feet. Can you not see in there now? No, and you're really not even allowed with the homeowners association to have an eight foot prophecy fence, but somehow I guess he got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, yeaah, I would risk it with the dog. I don't know that I'd be out there with the hawk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why, you know, I bought a Tennessee book of birds of Tennessee, so I'll see the bird, flip through, find out what it is. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Tennessee's got a lot of birds. Oh, that's good. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think any animal that would be a good opener would be tough to follow. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I mean, in a, like you're saying in a theater, it's like, yeah, it would be too many people, but in a club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, yeah, it's great. I mean, I, I come right off the stage, so I'm still in like show mode and then can, can do it. I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think it's great. I mean, it's hard, it is hard to have any kind of conversation, but it is fun to meet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank people for coming to see you do a show. I mean, I've definitely done many shows where I'm just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thankful anyone's there. So it's like now that people actually do come to the show, I, I, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When in the early days of featuring, I mean, I used to feature at these clubs and then, you know, it'd be like, uh, you know, I don't know some comic headlining that I don't know, in my opinion was not very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And no one would talk to me, and everyone would talk to this comic that I just thought wasn't good. So, it's nice when, now that people do talk to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time I was featuring and right when I came off stage, this guy was just, he came up to me, he was just raving about how good my comedy was, right? And I was like, oh man, I really appreciate that. And then after the whole show was over, he comes up to the headliner and now he's raving to the headliner and then looks at me and goes, ah, you were a little dry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we kept attracting the drunkest people in town. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I want to know though, was Mike thinking of jumping in that moment? What's the idea that everybody, when you go to a cliff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And she said, you should have shared that on what it's like to fight with your wife. Yeah. And I was like, well, I don't, I didn't, I do remember it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, and that's, you know, that's really what you look for with this sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, I feel pretty good about where my credit's at these days, but there was a time when I spent a lot of time thinking about credit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, I'm still paying my bill, but they're like, yeah, but you didn't spend as much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would act like that your credit score would get better just by checking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it could be. I think there's a soft check where you can look and it doesn't affect it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you like try to get a loan and then someone looks at your credit and decides that your credit's not good enough, and then you go somewhere else and then they check, I think you're like dropping because they're going well if these banks don't trust this guy, do we really trust him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause if you have a higher limit on your credit card, then your credit, your credit will go up. So it's like, it's almost like if they're like, you're allowed to have this much. Can we trust you with it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They always use the, they always use jaywalking. They say like, if you're caught jaywalking, they'll drop your, or if you're not nice to people. What are you not allowed to do? I think I like this. What are you not, what are you not allowed to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or not ride public transportation. Oh really? I think so in China, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tank Abbott, uh, MMA guy. I think if he got a couple of punches to the face of the grizzly bear, I think he'd take.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the fact that 28% feel like they can't take out a rat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing about a lot of these animals is you can't just go around kicking a goose. Like if you were down there on that trail and you, that goose was coming at you and you kicked it, stomped that goose into the ground and then some other hikers came, they'd be like, jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, my dad told me he knew a guy, that guy attacked by a fox recently. He was cleaning his pool and a fox came up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry. And he said he, the guy killed the Fox, but the Fox was tearing him up, was biting his legs and just bit the guy up. In the end he won, but he got eat up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause a lion is like, you don't know how to grab it. Well cats just feel like it would be, a house cat feels like it would be tough in a lot of ways, but then make it a lion. I know I heard of a lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read a story about a lady in Georgia that choked out a bobcat with her bare hands, and it said it was trying to attack her and her grandbaby, so she choked it out. And then I went to that town and did comedy, and I talked about that lady at the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next time I went back to that town, she came. No way. And we met.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Yeah. And what'd she say? Well, she just said, uh, I called her a hero. Yeah. And, uh, she said, well, I'm not a hero, but I was about to attack my grandbaby. You go to this town a lot, huh? I've been there twice. Yeah. It only took two times. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we went to the town. We did the show together in that theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. She came to that show. Oh wow. Well, we stayed at that cabin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stepping on a nail was a big fear for us as a kid, for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the idea that you square up with a bear and then yell like an air horn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just looking at the screen here, I see that there is a, some percentage that appears to be able to beat an elephant. Now that's the most astounding to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is true. A lot of gorillas in the circus though, do ya?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you Google it? Yeah. I mean, I love that elephant, that that elephant's like, nah, I'm not letting it go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I don't know what that lady did. Elephants have great memories. I'd like to know what she did. Yeah. Cause that elephant was like, nah, this lady does not deserve this funeral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just don't be in a swamp getting down to scoop a little water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're so fast that they catch you quick. You don't even get to get out of their zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That movie was wild. I mean, I said it already, but that changed my whole outlook on bears. I still think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can move a car like it's not with one hand. Butterbean in it's prime. Pops him a couple of times, that bear's gonna be like, well this, I didn't really bargain for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could a lion beat a bear, you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there's a comic I know that has a joke about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, you know, I was in, my sister used to work at the horticulture department in Auburn. What? At the horticulture department, they do like, I don't know, wildlife stuff, plants. What's the word? Hortic, horticulture. Horticulture. Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, I was a kid and I was wandering around in there and I went into this lady's office and she had this snake. I think it was a python and she let me hold the snake and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just hanging out holding the snake and then she gets a phone call and goes into another room and I'm just holding the snake. And then the snake keeps like, like almost like cocking its head back. Like it's about to snap at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was freaking out and I remember kind of busting into this lady's office and just giving her the snake and running out of there. I do not do snakes. Yea. I mean snakes are, that's the scariest to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snakes are so, what, there used to be this, uhm, this place we used to go to, they called it Ripville, but it was a, a creek that you would go, you would go, I mean my dad lived way out in the country, but you had to go further out in the country to get to this, uh, little creek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we would go out there and you know the creek was crystal clear and it had this like waterfall but the waterfall was all rock and it was real slick so you could slide down this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a big like nature waterslide. And then when you got down into the bottom, it was a little pool and then they had a rope that you could climb and walk up the rock.


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[Assistant] You know, cause I'm like, you know, I'd seen the movie lonesome dove and I don't know if you've seen that, but there's a scene where a guy falls off the horse and gets eaten up by all these water moccasins.


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[Assistant] And uhm, uh, Robert Duvall, Tommy Lee Jones. That's great.


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[Assistant] So I go, I'm trying to get away from it. And my friend throws a rock at the snake, which I thought for sure was going to send him my way. And it swam the other way. And it was like.


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[Assistant] Uh, I mean, yeah, Chambers County. And it was so great, and uh, that I got away. And then we swam out there the rest of the day. We didn't even... It didn't bother you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, yeah, wolves, yeah. I don't know. I don't even...


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I, I get nervous around people's dogs that are nice. Yeah. I mean, so. And dogs are just wolves. Yeah. At the end of the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like the wolf better. Fred's annoying. Wait, I missed it. I was watching footage of Ripville.


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[Assistant] I thought they told you to pee yourself. That's the only reason I get in the ocean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good advice. I think that's good advice for swimming altogether. Yeah. Don't pee in the water either, but. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I talked one time just by myself, hanging out, having a good time, and then a guy comes, and I think, well he's not gonna get in because that'd be weird, and then he got in.


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[Assistant] I had to stay long enough to make it seem like I didn't get out because he got in. Right. But I got out pretty quick.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I go into stall sporting events where the stalls had no doors on them. So there's just dudes in there. Just, I mean, I get it. I get it. You got to go. You got to go. But why does the venue not put up some doors? It's like, have some respect for us as a ticket buyer.


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[Assistant] I mean, I've been to bathrooms that say, one, I think in Auburn, uh, a long time ago it had, it was like a round urinal where


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[Assistant] This would have been years ago. Huh? This would have been years ago.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean that could be possible. I mean, none of us were probably interested in washing our hands.


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[Assistant] I used to live in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. And if, if I, when I used to drink, if I had to pee and my roommate was in the bathroom, I would just snake and pee in the kitchen sink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that when you were using that thing right there? Let's see. You see it in the back? I feel like it was bigger, but yea maybe.


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[Assistant] The look you gave me when I said I would, I would pee in the kitchen saying I wouldn't pee on the dishes. You know, I'd aim for the drain.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the tour company, yeah, that's a good, you're like in court, you miscounted and you're like, I think they faked their dad. Yeah. Honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, people loved it, like they used to love to like try to get monkeys as pets and then you would see that these videos of when animals attack and monkeys would just eat them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I'm saying, if you didn't know that the gorilla was a real animal until the 1900s, who knows what else is out there.


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[Assistant] Alright. They also say there's like a lot of caves in Oregon, like.


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[Assistant] There's some caves you can visit that they say used to be used for, I don't know, trafficking.


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[Assistant] Pretty famous that you can go tour. Okay. I think they used to. People were doing bad things on them. I don't know if it were bad, but they were transporting people for whatever reason. Oh, sounds bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think, uh, Tennessee's supposed to have a lot of caves too. The most caves. In any state. Yeaah, we learned that in the...


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[Assistant] There's some caves near my land. It's a mammoth cave though. It's a big one. It's pretty big. Yeah. There's some caves near my land out there that you can go, some caverns that you can go look at.


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[Assistant] I don't know if that's what it is now, but it, it, you know, there's a sign for it. You know, it's not.


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[Assistant] They say some people believe that the water level was much higher at some point.


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[Assistant] Well yeaah, that's what caused. Well that's what they say.


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[Assistant] This river over millions of years carved through the rocks, you know, but my question is why have not all the rivers carved Grand Canyons then?


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[Assistant] We got one river that's carved all this time, you know?


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[Assistant] But like would it be, but there is a creek at the bottom. But would it not be grand? There's a river at the bottom. Even if it didn't carve it, even if it were just naturally formed that way, it would still be grand. Oh, of course. Yea, I don't think you'd put it together.


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[Assistant] But I think just the, the, the depth of it is like worth seeing. Of course. Even if it happened in one day.


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[Assistant] You know, Phoenix is, is in Arizona near that. And then you have like Phoenicia is Egypt, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, I mean, that's all. There's some dots connected. Oh, so you think Egyptians built that?


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[Assistant] Yeah. It's fun. It's super fun. And uh, I like it. Yeah. I mean, there could be, they say some people say there's caves out there that we don't know about and who knows what's going on. There's like all these underground highways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, uhm, so. And they exist. It's not even hidden. The highways. We're just not allowed to drive on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, really? Yeah, there's like highways where trucks can go and enter in and just drive, you know, for, I mean, and those are out there too. Where are those at? I don't know where there's mountains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you say trucks, any truck driver could...


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[Assistant] I don't know if it's any truck driver, if you're specifically, you know, on that route.


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[Assistant] It's hard, it's not the right place. Yes. Yeah. I mean, who knows what's going on there. Okay. But there's plenty of videos out there about it. But look at this. What is that? Who knows? Ancient pyramids of Arizona.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tennessee has the most caves. Gotta have a highway. Gotta have a highway underneath there. Actually, where I'm buying, where I'm getting the cabin from, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in Tennessee out towards Memphis. I don't know what, but on the way back on this back road, there is a, uh, a little cat. Now it's got a fence around it. So you can't get up in there, but there's a cabin with a hue or a mountain with a huge like dugout thing where clearly people are going in there with cars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to play real country. Just be like, well, I was just driving through and...


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[Assistant] Based on how I think this is coming out, I'll be at the Toledo Funny Bone, and then the next week, the Pittsburgh Improv. There you go. So, it's gonna be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks. Welcome to the NateLand podcast. Uh, thank you to Viori for sponsoring NateLand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VioriClothing.com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75. Also, hello folks to our friends at Helix Sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nervous about buying a mattress online? Don't be. HeXsleep has over 12,000 5-star reviews for a reason.


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[Assistant] Their 2 minute sleep quiz batches you with the mattress. That is a perfect fit.


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[Assistant] Plus you have a hundred nights to try it out risk free. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the Nate Land podcast, as always, uh, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay. Uh, we're, yeah, we're excited. I have Dusty still here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if we, cause we're having to pre-record this one. So what if we fire you and then next week you're not? I mean, well this, you know, this will be a good, good out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're out of it, but then, cause the next week will be live, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let's start off with you guys' comments. Uh, Chuck, uh, mullican, mullican. Chuck, mullican or mullican? Mullican sounds...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My daughter refers to this podcast as what dad listens to when he doesn't want to think. I like that. That's what we want to be. That's all we want. Keep your, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to keep you on my level, so when I take over the world, I've made everybody dumb as me. Yeah. I see. Tricked them. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put your hat on. Like a Luke Wilson. What is that hat?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. A little laugh, like, oh that's fun, you know. What's this guy doing? You can watch him feature all weekend at the, uh, Chattanooga Kit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Tim McPherson, watching y'all from Australia. Mate, I can't stop laughing every time you say dead gummit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it up guys, like a lot of other listeners, I've got a stressful job and I watch Nate Land because I don't have to think. Just fun stuff, most of it's so incorrect, it's hilarious, but no thinking required. No inappropriate stuff so I can listen anytime I want, no politics, whatever. It's such a destresser, destresser every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dadgummit. Dadgummit's good. We're bringing that back. Dadgummit is good. Dadgummit's good. Australia. Look at that. Uh, Micah Wimberley.


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[Assistant] I saw Brian open for Nate a few years back in Dallas. Nate was great, but I walked away that night mostly talking about baits. Love your stuff. It keeps getting better. All right. Look at that. How about that, dude? There you go. Threw that one in. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tough to say. So you're just bringing in your own comment?


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[Assistant] I just want to let you know that Erin is now a source. For my final speech of high school, I decided to base my speech off of Erin's Ted talk about failure. Erin helped me get a 98% on the speech. Thanks a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Will Matthews, in the last 20 years or so, the WWE has periodically featured celebrities to compete, what? How do I say periodically?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He periodically, periodically is what it looks like. Periodically featured celebrities to compete in matches at a special, at special events like Wrestlemania. Drew Carey, Johnny Knoxville, Steve Dogg and Donald Trump have all wrestled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If WWE approached Nate about wrestling a match, would he do it?


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[Assistant] And would his match be a singles match or would he tag with Aaron and Big Boss Bates? And what would the tag name be?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I probably would do it just because it'd be crazy, uh, to do it. I mean, that'd be fun, you know, just to walk out and feel that would be, uh, amazing. Uh, I'd like to be a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's why I would do it. I would do it. Yea, it'd be awesome. It'd be great. Yea, it'd be, you know, just feel that. You gotta be famous though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they have to, you gotta, everybody has to know who you are. Well, Pat McAfee just did it. Yeah, but he's in that world. That's true. You know, he's pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people that, yeah, I think a lot of his listeners are probably big WWE fans. And then Michael Wimberley comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm recently engaged and would absolutely love him to officiate or just attend our wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you for your consideration. I made a candy bar for a wedding. I never even heard of such thing. That's pretty great.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Oh yeaah. Yeaah. Oh yeaah, that's right. I remember that. I remember that. It was fun. Crispy cringy. He had a couple of donuts. Yeaah. Yeaah, yeaah, that's good. Yeaah. If you come for money like that, you can do stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have anything. We, I think we served like make your own pasta. I think that's honestly what we had. And I think people liked it because it was like very basic. Yeah, I would love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, yeah, I'll see what happens next September. Uh, I've never, uh, done a wedding. So, well, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the original point, that was the reason for comments, was to give you, cause we're gonna say so much stuff wrong, I don't want you to have to feel like you're going crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotten, it's gotten away from you. It doesn't matter. I mean, if, if, uh, you know, Braden.


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[Assistant] Again, go look at you, you can move this wherever you want. I wouldn't DVR show and just be like, why do y'all do the slow parts? You're like, I didn't move it to the parts that you want to go to. That's the wonderful thing. I mean, like, you know.


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[Assistant] We're reading these ads and uh, people, thankfully a lot of people listen to these ads and they support us. But you're like, I don't, I mean.


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[Assistant] Yeah, YouTube, everything's- Timestamps below. Timestamps below. You see everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go, just skip to the thing that you want and then get going.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's a, yeah, it's always a weird kind of, you know, if there's no outlet, then I guess I can see. Like if there's no like, well we can't fast, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When there, when there's, you can go around anything. You can hear just the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen to the last five minutes and then be done. Uh, Brian Botwell. I'm a professor. Botwell?


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[Assistant] I'm a professor at a large SEC university and the conversation on peer review from a while back was just so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wrong in so many ways, right in others, and generally just a scattersha- oof. That's a beat moan. I didn't mean to do that. Scattershot of nonsense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, my parents listen to this, we can't, I didn't mean that. As someone who makes his living in the confines of peer-reviewed science, it just made me incredibly happy. I've recently started a project, oh, two,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started a project to better understand why comedy and horror, two things that seem like opposites, go together so well in so many ways. We've got some ideas, but I'd love to really know your thoughts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the both are extremes. Comedy is an extreme. Funny stories are kind of extremes. Like even though your story has truth in it, you can-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exaggerate it or make it, it's a bigger, it mean you're madder about it than you technically might have been and whatever. And horror is like, I mean it's Jason, like Friday the 13th, like which is an extreme of someone killing someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go, uh, how you doing? You go, yeah, me and my wife mirror. We just came in and I'm trying to look for a new mirror, a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of cracks. I want to get a new mirror. I'm not like, this mirror doesn't excite me anymore. And so, uh, yeaah, what do you got?


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[Assistant] He gave the real answer over there. Yeah. Nathan would love to hear about it. Uh, oh, I just did that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brian, Braden Kline, stop reading comp.


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[Assistant] Another one? He did it again? Micah Wimbley. Oh, that was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That only my cost, Costa Mesa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You run this town, you're the local hero. Uh, alright, yeaah. May I write him a letter? I did a zoom for him and I told him. Took him out? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. And I, and I, but I said, I will y'all bring it back. And I was, you know, and they were like laughing and I was just very. Like what? Yeah. I go out and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The office was closed, but the security guard took my letter, photocopied it and taped it to the CO computer monitor. Uh, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Uh, like you're not allowed to use the copier with my clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess he wanted to keep it to, maybe it was to mail it. He's like, I'll just photocopy it. I'll have one. You mail it. Cause he's like, maybe the guy's like, let's try to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do both. You should mail it in, but also we're photocopying.


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[Assistant] That makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Did you leave that out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you left out the explanation of... This guy left a long comment.


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[Assistant] When I started, I mean, you had to send VHS. Really? I was in that. Did you send VHS? Yea, I'm the older one. I went through that, the VHS and the real headshots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you would send, you know, the headshots were big. You had to get those. And then, I mean, my first videos, they might be in here, which I got to give them to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jim Roth from comedy college, I've been telling him, uh, they're VHS's. But yea, you would get that and you would just, you would mail it to the club or something for them to look at.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, and then it's like, I remember it was still like when email started coming around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would, someone would still be like, well, mail us. Cause you could, some clubs didn't really know email.


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[Assistant] And then you start going like, but I think email is like a little bit easier to do, you know, like, and you'd want to like say, can I just eat, you know, but it's not like I even really know how, or then a website came, you're like, well, just check out this


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[Assistant] You know, and then some would not know. The whole switch was pretty crazy because you just would see these ways come easier. And you're like, you know, it's crazy. And then when you get to like.


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[Assistant] Alright, Steve Crawford. I was catching up on them during a recent road trip podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And heard the small part talking about Ted Williams' frozen head. I think it was episode 96. And I thought you guys needed to hear some more details. Apparently at some point,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The can of tuna fused to his head. They couldn't get the can off by hand. So Lab Tech took the next logical step, swinging at it with a wrench.


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[Assistant] Unfortunately, the first swing missed the, uh, can, the foul tip.


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[Assistant] Ted's head sending piece of his head flying with an 01 count, he made contact on his next swing and knocked the can loose. That's crazy.


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh. I hope Ted comes back now and he's like, he's like, golly, dude, what?


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[Assistant] Where's my ear? And they're like, oh. What's this tuna smell? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Because I'm allergic to tuna now. I just eat it all the time.


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[Assistant] Pat Tillman, I mean like what he, he left his career and like did that. I mean it's, it's something, it's, it's special. And especially back then, I mean, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being aware that the keyboard player was not there, he asked the congregation if someone could come, could please come and play something, meaning guitar or keyboard. A random man, possibly under the influence of something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From the crowd jumped up and went and got on the drums and just started banging out some random beats. It was, it was one of the most awkward, greatest moments of my life. My dad learned a valuable lesson that day to always specific, to specific, how do you... Specify. Specify.


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[Assistant] Man, I was getting started the wrong way. And that's what happened. That happens in golf. Even one time you get started wrong way and you're going to get stuck in your swing.


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[Assistant] When I take it away, so yeaah, specify. If you go spee, then you're like, well I can't even, where to go? Speesify? You can't even, you don't know where to go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, specify who and what to play when asking. That's, uh, I mean, the guy at church was, I mean, the fact that he was maybe on something.


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[Assistant] You're throwing the people a bone. Like just cause it's a lot. It's a lot to do it.


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[Assistant] When you get saved, like that's what you end up doing. You go, you walk up there and go do it.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, the idea, yeaah, I guess it's a fun idea.


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[Assistant] Something unique to do. Yeah, it's something unique to do. Y'all should just do your act.


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[Assistant] It's like everything is, uh, I feel like music, there's a lot of that where it's, there is it. They're like, ah, we're going to play. I mean, you just got this safety net of just being like, I'm going to do, I can go play free bird. I can go play any song.


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[Assistant] And that you're going to know it. And then we just saw Kenny, I saw Kenny Chesney.


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[Assistant] He just, when you go to the bathroom where you just keep your hat down.


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[Assistant] Alright, uh, I can't even name the songs. Back where I come from, I wanted Kenny to play that.


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[Assistant] That's a big one. The fact where I come from is the big song is a giant song for me because I would listen to it every time before I did comedy when I moved to Chicago, New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it was like, I was just, from here, I'm not, I don't know anybody there, so I was out on the subway, I would listen to it, and just, it's like a reminder of home before you go out and get yelled at by, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A German crowd. And, I don't know who's ever got yelled at, but New York here performing for just everybody in the world and none of them want to be there. Uh, Jonathan Bailey, Nate, I'm curious if you've ever been called Nate Forghetsi. I imagine a P teacher yelling, hey, Forghetsi!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At a young Nate like the teacher on Seinfeld that called George can't stand you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seems like you must have at some point, but if not, I just thought you could use that name along with Bop It and Gowdy McBrien. McBrain. Uh, McBrain. Gowdy McBrain. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I was, you know, you told me I don't know how to read. So, but yeah, I guess if you want to also pile onto that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could call me Nate Forghetti. I don't think anybody, no one ever really, I don't remember messing with my name. Like Barghetti was already. It was messy enough, right? Yeah. I mean, you're just this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Southern like, what? Yes ma'am. What's, all right. Your name's already like, why are you here? You know, it's not, you know, Smith or Slay. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't imagine if you said Dusty Slay, if you named yourself Dusty Slay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We love our Helix Sleep Mattress. Uh, as we say, it was unboxed. Someone posted a video, I think, of unboxing it. That's how fun it is. We have the Helix Dusk Luxe. It is a medium support and everyone sleeps on it. Love it. We've had everybody, Mike Vecchione, a young Mike Vecchione slept on it last night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete, matches your body type. Everybody is unique. And Helix knows that, so they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, firm mattresses. Mattresses are great for cooling, cooling, cooling you down. And, uh, if you sleep hot, uh, oh, cooling you down if you sleep hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brian, I could see that. So if you're looking for a mattress, take the quiz. Order the mattress that you are matched to and the mattress comes right to your door, shipped for free. Try it out for a hundred nights, risk free. Helix was awarded the number one best mattress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, this is my jacket I'm wearing today is Viori. I wear it, I mean, everywhere. Uh, it's, it's a great, like, I like a jacket on, even when it's hot, even, I mean, you know, about, but like, I'm always very cold in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I put this jacket on and I just take it everywhere I go. I'm a giant fan of it. Uh, Viori is a new outlook on performance apparel. Perfect if you are sick and tired of traditional old workout gear. I had a guy cause I had the joggers on and this and he's like, ah, it's a good little outfit. I was like, oh, thank you. He's an older man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Vioriclothing.com slash Nate. That is V U O R I clothing dot com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns. Go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori Clothing.


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[Assistant] I mean, well, I'm down 173. I mean, hopefully by, when this comes out, I might be, I could be in the sixties.


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[Assistant] No, I think they're both, you know. This is like, uh, seems like a WWF WWE kind of thing. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I don't think I like it. I don't think I like they're changing it. I think if you change it, you're, uh,


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[Assistant] Denouncing all the people that have seen it before. And they say they've seen UFOs. So you're almost being like, those people are crazy. So we got a new name. That, no, that guy's a lunatic. He saw a UFO, like, those people are crazy.


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[Assistant] That's really interesting. I would never have thought of that.


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[Assistant] I am the band. I'm the institution. You're the institution. That is true. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I think you're right about that.


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[Assistant] Well, we've known about it the whole time. We've known about UAPs the whole time and we're open about them.


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[Assistant] UFOs we never agreed upon. UAPs are different. It's just a little name thing, but I think that's what...


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[Assistant] And they, and they're, it's a, it's a salesman. It's like, uh, you know, it's like a way to, well, this person's like, wow, yeah, I never heard of that.


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[Assistant] Are you reading this or are you just memorizing? Well, I read it. Oh.


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[Assistant] You're looking down, but your eyes weren't at the paper. And I was like, I mean, that's pretty crazy. You've memorized all this stuff.


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[Assistant] That's so weird just to see the fog of war, current business activity and losing your new email address is all why I delay, which I regret.


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[Assistant] Alright, so what'd you want to know about the UFO crash? Alright, so, I mean, just like, that's your regular, it's just your regular, that's, that's someone else being like, dude, I don't know, I've just been slammed. I got a lot of shows, a lot of interviews, like, or something like that. You're just sorry I haven't gone back to you. And that guy's, that version of that for that guy is,


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[Assistant] The fog of war, current business activity, uh, and losing your new email. Anyway, about the UFO.


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[Assistant] That's the stuff they feel like with the government stuff. You're like, these organizations, like, they don't work together. Like none of them.


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[Assistant] You know, like you're like, I feel like that's a problem. Like you're like, y'all should be on the same, aren't y'all doing the same thing?


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[Assistant] You're trying to help and then they're all like, I don't know if that, like it's almost like keeping everything secret.


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[Assistant] And then it's like a battle between each of them. And so you're like, well, we're not going to get the answer. Y'all don't even tell each other the answer.


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[Assistant] And is there not like the president or someone at the top can't go like, well then you're, you're just shutting your thing down. Like who, like why can't they?


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[Assistant] Just be like, no, no, you gotta, you got to do it. Or like we're, you're, you're, it's shut down, now we're go walk in there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, okay, I get, you just talked me into that. I get that. So I get the reason for that. But it's like when they, but if they're not answering the questions of like some, like when this kind of thing happens, you're like, well,


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[Assistant] Come on man, we're trying to all work and be smarter together. Right. So, you gotta tell us or help us out or...


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[Assistant] You know, you're making your citizens, you're making them go crazy, you're probably ruining people's lives that see something and say something and then they just get made fun of and then they get just, you know, these, you know, it's usually poor people that live out in the middle of nowhere and like,


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[Assistant] You're like, well, they're either all crazy, dude, or you made them, you made the stereotype that they are crazy.


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[Assistant] But that, like, so we're like the trailer park of space, where they're just, people are just park, they're parking their own vehicles at our yards.


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[Assistant] And that's what the earth is. Just go like, well, I gotta get rid of it. Go, go dump it, dude. Dump it on those, those people down there. Or maybe they're like, let's see if they'll work on it. This is broke down.


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[Assistant] They work on any vehicle. And he goes, well, you got here. Alien sits, aliens sitting over there, can't speak. And he goes, generators. He goes, change the fan out. The fan, I don't know anything about cars.


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[Assistant] And you got to rely on yourself. Like a lot of it's like you, you know, it's probably have a lot of gut feeling. Yeah. Feel what you feel on the inside and just be like, I'm going to go with my gut on all this.


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[Assistant] Cause then if you saw it for real, you gotta be like, they've never said they, they, they would all deny it. They didn't tell you that this is something that like, it feels like no one's ever going to tell you. They're going to flat out say it to you. And so you just gotta be on like a gut, like kind of like.


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[Assistant] Get everybody as close as you can, your family, whatever, and do whatever and be like, I don't know. I don't know the answer.


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[Assistant] They're just put you in there cause you, and they put your foot on the gas cause you can't move your left gout foot. You can't pull it back off. It's just like a dead foot land and they're just making you drive straight into it.


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[Assistant] I bet they're like see-through or something. Like it's going to be- Like Predator. Is that what Predator is?


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[Assistant] Is there, is there any like supposedly pictures of a real alien or like, you know, like Bigfoot or is it always just like the ships and uh, what they're flying?


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[Assistant] A biologist, if you send him, you're like, well he's never seen that. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] If it's, if it's in, you're like, he's going to come back and go, I've never seen anything like it. It's not, they act like these people, like they're going to be level headed enough to go, oh yeah, times, alien time to now.


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[Assistant] No, no, yeaah. It's gonna like- That's me.


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[Assistant] He gives him a tack and he's like, ah, and he goes, uh, uh, trying to get hair samples.


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[Assistant] There's a lot more back here. I'll tell you that.


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[Assistant] The back hair was surprising. It's yeah. I don't know if it's like, cause they're still good padding.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, there's a chance that we could be, I mean, you know.


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[Assistant] In the middle of the road, I mean, why can't, you know, there's gonna be someone dumb animal that's gonna, aliens are gonna make it way, it's, you know, you just go and you're like, why are you here?


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[Assistant] The other day I missed an accident and had to do one of the turns where the cops hang out in the middle of the interstate. That's what I just had to do because it was like I added so much time. So I mean sometimes that happens. You don't think there's not going to be a mistake where the alien


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[Assistant] Because I don't know man, it's like the me that they talk to of that world. He's like, I, my parents, I live, we're not, I don't know dude, this is, this, this calls like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, he goes, oh, y'all got squirrels. He goes, they're robot squirrels, but they're squirrels. He goes, I don't know why we have them.


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[Assistant] I look, uh, Omega watches weird. I looked at Omega watch this weekend and they, they're, they, they're the ones they used in the Apollo 13 that they use. They're the only watch that made it.


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[Assistant] Uh, around when they, when they had to come back from space, like that's in the Tom Hanks movie where they were having to use the burst to get back and they did all the testing and out of all the watches, the Omega one is the only one that worked. So all the astronauts were.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, no one's, I mean, yeah, they don't even read those numbers. Like one guy knows them. Yeah. It's like his system.