[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think the post on his Instagram. And then you're like, all right. And then so after every commercial break and they come out and the commercial break and they go, all right, everybody, four minutes and 30 seconds commercial break. And, uh, so we would get up and go do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, someone would get up and people would go to the bathroom. I stayed the whole time. And then, uh, you went to the bathroom once at the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we, when we went in, we, so we do the red carpet. So they have, we, next time we will be like, we want pictures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got at least one picture, but we don't know where it's at. But it was like, we didn't get a ton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Views were, did I squint or not squint? And that was, uh, that's my model looks. Uh, yeah, blue steel was like, is he squinting or not squinting? So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Best dressed, I got best dressed in, uh, or I got a list of like, here's where the best dressed, so I was in Huffington Post, best dressed, L-E-L-L-E. L Magazine. L Magazine. And then, uh, some other, what's the other one? For the Dillard? The Dillard series?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, so yeaah, so it was, it was, it was that. And then we did, uh, uh, so yeaah, I mean I was like, already on the, you know, best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're basically like, you know, whoever worked at Apple will be staying in this section.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we go eat it there, we went to one other part, eat it in this section, saw the guy from Million Dollar Listing, uh, one of the British guys, which we were fans of him, that show, uh, and then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, you see, I mean, we're kind of sitting behind Shaggy the raccoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you see some, like all that kind of stuff. I'm not the best with music, so I obviously don't always know who everything... Brutal Mars was very funny when they did their... That speech was very funny. Kevin Anderson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that guy, that was very funny, uh, and his was, his was great. And then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're seeing, it's fun to see like the true diviness come out. And you can see, and it's not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the artist. Usually I would say it's a lot of it's not. I'm sure some of them are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, uh, and then this lady was like, once she ended up being drunk, they said, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I heard, she's my client. She goes, I am relaxed. And they go, but you gotta, you gotta relax. She goes, you relax. And she wouldn't move. I mean, she's talking this close to the security guy's face. And she goes, why are you relaxed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so if they, if someone said something, you know, it was like, oh, they were rude to her. You're like, no, no lady, you were unbearable. You yelled at them and was a problem the whole show. You multiple times were just, the whole show was you trying to get up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a ton of moving around and there's a ton of like, you see that world where.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, you know, a lot of people think they're important and it's, oh, it's wild. And I, and look, the artists, I obviously do think that is not like them. You see a lot of people that are somewhat near.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure they know the artist in some form or they've got this ticket or they did something and you feel a lot of like, you know, like what's that word where entitlement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a wild amount of entitlement going on. And you can just feel it. And it's all people that you're like, did you, like none of us are anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, and then some of them, you're like, you're not even, I don't know a performer. I don't even know, like, you're, I don't, you just maybe know a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, there's a lot of that. That's fun to see. I enjoyed it. I really did. I would go again, like, just, uh, just the whole thing was very neat and to see it all work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Quest is like, he's the, he's like a s- the normal dude. Uh, the Osborn, the brother Osborns, they're both normal dudes. You know, I just said very quickly, they had a crazy whole day. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, there was so many, like I'd walk into a green room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our purpose, we would just go sit down in the middle of the table, eat pretzels. I mean, but yeah, I'd walk into some and you're just seeing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He actually had a great- Good for him. He was very nice and like, or like it seemed, but you could see sometimes backstage, you could see a little, like you could see him, you know. It's kind of fun to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you're like, cause I like to think that they're not all like this and it's in this moment and so it's, but it's, it is kind of fun to see. You know, when you get into this business, you always hear about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just says, well, they're blew it up and they said, well, they wanted, they wanted a, they asked for a blanket cause they were, cause she's a, they're a nightmare. And you're like, well, it's very cold in your green. I'm always cold in there. That's why I wear a sweater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, and maybe get a blanket. They sold the show out. Like, I don't think it's crazy, you know, but then they, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can go. Thanks. Thank you for coming. Thank you, Laura. Yes. Hope I helped. You did. You did. Uh, alright, and finally, let me wrap it up. We're closed with the big news. You got time? Cause we're past. Yeah, yeah. Uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the, I mean, this is the thing that I think is more impressive than me being nominated for a Grammy. More rare. It's more rare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Bates has a baby. Wow. Eleanor. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lovely, lovely, uh, girl. Little daughter you brought in. Yep. It's been a whirlwind, I imagine, for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. In time. Yeah. I mean, they have like a good thing now with that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know that's hard, like, uh, especially when they do have a, you know, if she's eating good, she's sleeping good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, you haven't had a kid till they've peed or pooped on you. She's done both already. Yeah, so you're in the system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not like trying to, it's cold, or it's hot, or it's raining, you know, whatever. It's just safer. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well. Oh, that's awesome man. Yeah, that's uh, but that's uh, yeah, that's awesome. The fact that you did that, I know a lot of people do that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, very awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. It's, it's, uh, yeah, it's a whole, I mean, there's nothing better than having a kid. So it goes, you know, young watch dances with wolves together. Okay. What's that? What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to Coopertown Elementary. Played these drops and yeaah, that's awesome dude. So it's, uh, look at this, you're a different man now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, she just sleeps all the time. We have to wake her up. Like, oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we love it, dude. Everybody was excited. Uh, everybody's happy to have you back now. Thank you. Yeah, it's a crazy thing. Uh, Aaron, anything? Nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. It was legit scary. I would lose it with my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least it's like, that's the borderline one more and you're like, it's not good. Do you know these people now? Like would you know their names?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Except the lady losing it. Oh yeah. She did not have a good time. She did not. Did she do whiskey? Ah, I think she was looking for something. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that is crazy. Yeah, that was a fun weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. Well, this was a big one. So we did good. Everybody's back. Uh, thank you for listening. As always, I'll, uh, I'll be this week, Poughkeepsie, Buffalo, Syracuse, maybe somewhere else. Check out the tour dates. We announced some more baits you got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in June. Yeah, in June. Wise guys. Uh, alright. Uh, thank you everyone. As always, we love ya. And, uh, see ya next week. See ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? Would you move to a new city? Start a new family?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Through Upstart, you can pay off your existing debt quickly with a personal loan so you can tackle your next big financial goal. Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you're more of an East Coast guy. You're going to want to stay closer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say the Kid Nurse 1970, I agree Nate is one of the best in the game, but to win a Grammy you have to be the best in the game and the Grammy's determined he is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you can, you don't even have to play the audio for it, but basically it was, uh, he took the guys, he took Pepsi to court.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they wouldn't give him the jet. And then they said, it's unrealistic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, they, the judge ruled in Pepsi's favorites unrealistic for you to think that they would really give you a jet because the commercial is a kid who shows up at school in this fighter jet. And he says, it's better than riding the bus. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The judge said, this is a case of puffery, which we talked about in our advertising, where no one's really gonna think that this is real. And then he argued, a judge shouldn't be deciding this, but a jury of the Pepsi generation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he kept going back and forth, but the judge finally ruled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In favor of Pepsi. And then Pepsi changed their ad from 7 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Points to 70 million points. Yeah. But then put just kidding, like just to be safe. This guy now lives. He's a, he works for the park service in Washington, DC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't cash his check. He sent in $700,000 to say, give me this jet that he raised through investors and they didn't cash it. They didn't. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right there's a good spot. So there he is with his, the kid with his...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found the guy. I wanted to, like, I found his phone number. I wanted to call him and say, can you come in and walk out of the bathroom and surprise Nate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well now I'm on, uh, I do, uh, cameo and I go too far on, like people, like I'll do some research on them. Yeah. Do you really? Like Aunt Jenny said that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Vicky had her baby last week. Like I tell them stuff they don't know. I do some real research on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do have an outlet. We have an outlet. That's a good one. That outlet's struggling. Oh yeaah. It's a lot of empty storing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot to mention, when I got home, we got home to the hospital, I had to go pick up some medicine. We'd been in the hospital for four days. I was like, why did I smell gas? The squirrels had bitten through my gas line again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did everything people suggested, put out fake snakes, we put out mothballs, we spray, back to spraying now, this bonnet repellent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got like two, one by our car and one by our dad's car and her dad's like moving it now. He thinks, you know, the snake, he thinks the squirrels are onto it. So he's moving it, but he doesn't tell anybody. So I'll just be going to mailbox and I just jump out of my skin because her dad's moved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For many people, getting financially healthy means dropping the weight of credit card debt. But where do you start when it feels like you're stuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Upstart can help you pay off your existing debt quickly and easily with a personal loan so you can start living your life. Upstart does not look at your credit score alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It models considered other things like your income, employment, and other information provided in your loan application to help you find a better rate for your loan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can check your rate without affecting your credit score in just five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For loans between 1,000 to 50,000 dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash nate. That's upstart.com slash nate. Don't forget to use our URL to let you know we sent you. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income and certain other information provided in your loan application.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We met with a financial planner today. We're working out stuff for Eleanor and this was over zoom, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I zoned out for a while, and I'm usually pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. And I'm pretty good. Usually if someone like calls me on, like I can listen to the last thing they said and pick up on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But today, he said something I hadn't listened to for a while. And then Ruth was like, yeah, what do you think, Brian? And I could not pick up the cues. The only thing I could remember him saying was POA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, I was like, trying to think, what is POA, POA, which now I know is power of attorney, but I could not, and I was like, ahhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they always fall around the same time? Well, do you know when Easter falls?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the difference is I send him my notes, so tell him what you read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easter is the one holiday that besides the spring, I have no idea generally. Like every other one, you can kind of guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Meaning that- I'm listening. Alright. Uhm, it can be anywhere between March 22nd and April 25th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it falls whenever the first Sunday after the first full moon after the start of spring. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we maybe mentioned it briefly on the calendar, but Eastern Orthodox Church celebrates Easter on the Julian calendar. So there's this April 4th through May 8th, the range.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we maybe- But why, why, so what is that? I thought we talked about this on the calendar episode. I know like Afghanistan, they're different than us. They're behind, I thought they were like 600 years or something behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it the most? No, we're talking about there's more, uh, we're more Muslims.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've seen, being serious, I've seen people and at first thought is like, oh, they've got something on their forehead that they don't even know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was when I was living in Nashville and one of my coworkers and I'm like, should I tell him that he's got an ink on his head or just let him go about? And then I realized later that's a little cross symbol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so this is Holy Week. Every day is, yesterday was Palm Sunday. Wednesday, you know what Wednesday is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand why, so Good Friday is commemorate the resurrection, I mean the crucifixion. Right. Why do they call it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good. It seems like it should be called Bad Friday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like one of the disciples didn't watch the news that day and he showed up. Good Friday, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's just good because of- It's good he sacrificed. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Monday, Thursday, Monday is Latin for mandate and Jesus gave us a mandate to love each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Easter was a pagan holiday that the Catholic Church just kind of took over because they're like, we could get these pagans to get on board with us, we could add something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, Easter, it comes from the goddess story, the goddess of spring and fertility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We kept their brand name, but we run everything. So that the reason we do, I never knew this, the Easter eggs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the Easter bunny and all that. I always wonder what they're associated with. It's all about fertility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So eggs are birth. Rabbits are known to be good procreators, so they think that's where all that came from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, yeaah, so the Germans brought over the eastern bunny to the, to America in the 1700s, but it was their tradition there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they just kind of spread here. But the reason is because rabbits are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the white house does the Easter egg roll every year. It's the Monday after Easter. That started in the 1800s where kids would go up on Capitol Hill and see who could roll an egg down the furthest without it breaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It became such a tradition that 10,000 children did it one day on Capitol Hill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And congressmen and lawmakers were so upset that they were disrupting stuff and getting up, they were damaging the lawn and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they passed the turf protection law to prevent kids or anyone from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two years later though, the President, Rutherby Hayes, told the guards, just let the kids come into the White House backyard and do it here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's a big thing. They bring in bands and all kinds of stuff, celebrities. But that's how it started in the late 1800s. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Easter is the second best selling candy holiday in America, after Halloween.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 16 billion jelly beans are made in the US each year just for Easter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The largest Easter egg hunt ever, 500,000 eggs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Search by just under 10,000 children at Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven, Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Cadbury Eggs, you guys fans of those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a game in the middle ages, they said, where the priest would have all the boys pass an egg around and whoever at midnight had it in their hand got to actually eat it. The rest of them went home hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know the commercial where the kid goes, thank you Easter bunny, bark bark. Do you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it did actually. I'm sure it did. But chocolate bunnies is the most sold. And where do you start on the, on the anatomy of the bunny when you eat it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says 76% of Americans bought off the ears first. It did not mention the head as a whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say this, there are two artifacts from the crucifixion that are supposedly in museums now. The Crown of Thorns is at the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Wow. That's crazy. And it survived that fire from a couple years ago, the one that Graham talked about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then, uh, the Shroud of Turin, I think is how it's pronounced, which is the veil that was put over Jesus facing the tomb. It's, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's at some monastery or something like that in Turin, Italy, and it shows the outline of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's debated about whether that's actually it. I think they did some carbon dating and it showed it came from the middle ages, but, uh, but some people believe that... Have you heard of this, Aaron?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, have you heard that? I never even heard that. And I, I mean, I don't know if it's how authentic it is, but it's on display at the Cathedral at Notre Dame. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that is really cool. I would love to go to the holy lands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so that's Easter. I can answer any questions if anybody wants. Are you like an expert on it? Yea, I'm an expert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, let's move on to taxes. Do you know what tax day is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is generally April 15th. This year it's April 18th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I thought too. Now in Washington DC this year, Emancipation Day is on the 15th, so the IRS moved it to the 18th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a day to honor all the Patriots that have served throughout the years. But in Maine and Massachusetts this year, it's on the 18th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You file your taxes, you get, you can get an extension if you want by six months. And I think if you request it, you automatically get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you still have to pay taxes on that farm given to you, by the way. It's inheritance tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Jack Swigert, one of the astronauts on Apollo 13,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Forgot to do his taxes, had to call down to Michigan Troll to ask them to call in for an extension.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they thought he was joking, but he's like, I'm serious because I forgot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you get a refund and you don't claim, you have three years to claim it. So this coming Monday, April 18th, if you had a refund in 2018, that's your deadline or you lose it. And there's $1.5 billion worth of unclean tax refunds waiting for 1.5 million Americans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it says 1.5 million Americans who did not file their tax returns that year. I don't understand how they know they're getting a refund if they didn't file a tax return.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like some people I get, like if you moved and you didn't alert them and they can't find you, then it goes in the department of treasury. You lose it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went for two years to Jackson Hewitt because it was very close to where I lived and they just hired seasonal workers. And I mean, it was scary. The first year I'm like, this is crazy. These people, I'm giving them all my information because they look like they were just on a work release program.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the next year, again, I rolled around like, I ain't gonna go. I mean, they're right down the street. I probably got that one bad person and I went in there again. It was the same thing. Oh man. And I'm like, I don't feel comfortable coming here anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, now I have a real accountant, but for two years I tried them and I mean, I think I knew more than they did. Did it work though? I mean, they fixed it where I got a refund.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was owing and I was like, that's weird. I get a refund every year. And then I was like, oh, I left one document at home and I live next door. And when I came back, he's like, I fixed it. You're getting a refund. Oh, that's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy specials, stuff like that. She says movies and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They find ways to loopholes and ride it off. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, even individuals, I think they can get into a different tax bracket because they have creative accountants. They can find ways to move money around and things like that. There is, I mean, I have the tax brackets here. This is for, I think a couple filing jointly. If you make less than 20,000 a year, 10% is the bracket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is federal income tax and then it, I mean it just periodically goes up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the excess of 628,000. So basically 37%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone who makes over 628,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the tax brackets range anywhere from 10% to 37%. Yeah. Again, this is for couples. I think it's different for individuals and different things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta make, uh, I think $10,000 to have to file, or $25,000 as a married couple. If you don't make that much, you don't have to file.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless you make some money from self-employment, which is only $400.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's from self-employment like what we do, I guess. But if you work for a company and make less than $25,000 a year as a couple, you don't have to file.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 80% of the federal government is funded by income tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Started in the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln started it to raise money for the Civil War. 3% tax on income over $800, which is roughly $23,000 today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm sure it wasn't a quick process. He probably sent people from the federal government to different towns and then they told their people and it was like a trickle down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so taxes have been around since 3000 BC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start in Egypt. Old Testament talks about giving


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, but we give, well I guess depending on what bracket you're in, you're in a bracket where you give 40%?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in the New Testament, one of Jesus' disciples, Matthew, was a tax collector.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tax collectors were despised during that time because they would either cheat people or because they were working for the Roman government, you know, hurting, uh, the Jewish people who were under Roman rule. Yeah. So they were despised, but he became a disciple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so there's different types of taxes. There's negative income tax for people who make so little money that the government gives them some back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause if you're getting a refund, that means you've been paying in too much to the government. That they're keeping your money that you deserve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I mean, I always worked for a company that took it out as you go. So it didn't hurt that bad, but now I pay quarterly, self-employed. I assume you pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, uh, used to be a beard tax. So you guys will have to be paying more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this was a beard tax. This was the ruler of Russia in 1698. He took a tour of Russia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he thought, oh, that's the style. That's what's cool now. So when he came back home, he's like, guys, this is where it's at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta start going clean shaven. That's what's in style now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it didn't catch on too great, so he started taxing people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't there, I can't remember, a player that was pretty famous that, that was a deal, like he didn't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Billy Beane loved telling Jeremy Giambi he was being traded. I mean, he loved it. Tells him, the guy's about to cry, gets up out of his seat and Billy Beane immediately moves over to the seat. He was just sitting there and sits in it. He loved it. But he's like, you got to tell him direct, just get to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went to prison on tax evasion. They can never get him for all his murders, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the Elliot Ness, the, uh, what's the movie now with Kevin Costner, Sean Conner? Tombstone. It's a great movie. The Rock. But now it's Escape Me. Uh, I don't know. Alright, anyway, that's a great movie. Willie Nelson had so much back taxes, he owed 32 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Called the IRS Tapes. Oh really? The IRS Tapes who will buy my memories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the profits went to paying off the IRS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Many of his assets were auctioned off and purchased by friends who donated or rented his possessions to him for a small fee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of friends are those like, I'll give it back to you, but you're going to have to pay me a little bit. Well, they had to pay for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he got in some bad investments too and it just kind of spiraled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude. Wesley Snipes spent three years in prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I noticed from the episode of the office were they hired Martin. He was in prison. He described it was better than working at Dunder Mifflin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I heard crazy stories about like they had to do cavity searches and stuff like that when they, when she first goes into prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a property tax, which we all know. Sales tax. Tennessee has one of the highest sales tax rates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the highest, I looked up all the states, 7% in Tennessee and then the city you live in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can tack on. So like for Nashville it's 9.25%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the property taxes have skyrocketed. Oh really? Yeah, because they just did a reassessment and, you know, property in Nashville is so expensive now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people can't pay your prop- can't pay their property taxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting by, you're old now, got a fixed income, but you live in some hot new neighborhood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they do a property value reassessment. You may have to pay so much more property tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you get money in from Medicare or social security and your bills are all kind of lined up where you can't, you don't have any extra money to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of like, yeah, you kind of know what you owe and you kind of know what you get in and stuff like that. But if there's a major change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the president has to pay his taxes as well, but uh, he gets a non-taxable travel account for $100,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a non-taxable entertainment account worth $19,000. I get the travel account, but 19,000 for entertainment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's do it. England used to tax the number of windows in a house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then after that houses began to be built with fewer windows. And then people started suffering health problems from lack of air. And so the tax was finally repealed. Why would they do windows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Texas has a poll tax where they tax strip clubs and things like that. The revenue goes toward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was one guy that thinks, ah, this would be funny. Yeah, it is a little, it is funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then Sam Adams, uh, was Boston's tax collector. I'll end on this. He was Boston's tax collector in the 1700s, but he was terribly uninterested in his job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he would just overlook tax debt from people who were having problems down on their luck and stuff like that, which made him kind of like a working, uh, a Robin Hood for the working class in Boston. He was like, don't worry about it, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But tax collectors were personally liable for uncollected taxes, so he had to make up the difference. And by 1765, nine years later, he owed more than $8,000, equivalent to $1.5 million today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he did finally end up trying to go after some of the uncollected taxes, but not with much excess. And his well-to-do friends ended up having to cover most of his debt. So he was a good guy, tried to help him out, but things got out of hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So maybe he wasn't bored in his job, he just didn't want to do this job, and they made him do it, so he was like, I'm not gonna tax these poor people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, now it's just a website. Yeaah, just click it. Something and like, you owe us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would recommend going in late on a Saturday afternoon right when they're about to get off. Cause they'll get it done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Justin, you need some chin work. It's an audition tape, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I try to do the hip hop pose sometimes where it's like you cross your arms and you chin up and chin up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you wanna be like, listen man, I'm so happy, but just trust me, if I would've perf- like, smiled, it would've been way worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also there's tricks to it, like I have friends of mine that are like, IG people and they like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, I did a full on conversation about how it took her two years to figure out how to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. She sent them to me. She's like, she's like, these have been long since been taken down. But she goes, this is the evolution of it. And I was just like, oh my gosh, you can't tell somebody's like, oh, this is awkward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been my whole life breaking even. It's just, it's gonna break even.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you something, he's going to be saying that for 30, 40, 50 years. I like it. Cause once you get into like somebody with autism's repertoire like that, it's there forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I would find a better showbiz name, that's for sure. Just sounds like a guy who's going to do your taxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, not even good taxes, like an H&R Block guy, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think accountant. I don't think accountant. It just, it just feels like a guy, like a, like a, somebody started a new life. Yeah. And that's where they started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw your name on a few li- like those buzz lists about people that they would like to see on it. I saw that, but I, I don't know. Yea, that's like someone, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, you were, I remember for a couple years seeing, cause I messaged them to you. But it was like, I remember seeing you on lists and stuff. That I would, that people that, like, people that I knew that wrote different things, like you were, I feel like you were always in the conversation, whether you, it was real or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this, is this, is this like Father Abraham's son? This is where you went right here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also can see you being the guy that like, you go and you're walking around and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a bunch of guards come up and like, hey, what are you doing? You can't do this. And you're like, no, no, no, the guy said it was okay. And they go, what guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so, but it's, now it's mutually beneficial. Like, you're, you're both, you're both at a point, like, hey, we're both like, I mean, it's not like they, I mean, early on, it took a chance on you, obviously, but like, now it's the boring way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like sometimes even just putting in something new or trying to find like a new line or like I'm gonna, I'm gonna move, I'm gonna flip flop these things or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or a lot of times a good crowd will pull you out of that too. Or you walk out and you just, the volume or the way that you can feel their energy. Like, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bigger or louder even. I've had shows like the show the other night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that floor creaks more and more every year it comes out. Pretty soon it's going to be, we have to reinforce it or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just going to sheet out. I mean, that's the greatest thing. One time we're going to come out and there's just going to be a, it's going to be as a fedora on a mic stand with a light on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean also just, I mean, it's not like they're saying it's bad, it's saying that they're not, like they're strong people, and I don't even understand the idea of being like, oh, like, I think it's on an individual basis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I, I feel like it's like why, why are you, why are you assuming that we're all on board with what, where you are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't understand what he was, so he shook his hand and he wasn't supposed to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it is really, it's really awkward when you misunderstand something like that. Like that happened to me, I was at a club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, there was a show going on in a server.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, she had her mask on and she was like, she, she pointed to me and I go, I was, I was, I guess I'm hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then when she said something, I didn't really understand what she said. And the way she looked at me and go, I'm, something's not right. And I go, what did you say? And she goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want some fries? Like she, like she couldn't eat the french fries. So she was offering me fries. She can only eat the chicken nuggets. And I took the one third of her meal. I took it and just right in her face and left her and said no to the french fries. You thought it was just handed out hors d'oeuvres? Oh yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What just, I mean, I, I, I felt, I was, I was like, oh man, this is so, I, I can't, I, you know. And of course I had to be, it wasn't like I was like a small dude, like, this is like the things like, oh this happens to me all the time. Yeah, yeah. Like, like I can't wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is definitely the facial hair crew for this, for this particular topic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's what's killing books is the internet. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like biographies are like, I, I, it's easier for me to read biographies because I feel it's easier to jump into the story and they start so much quicker as opposed to like, you have to, so this is to set up a whole world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so a biography is like, it's the world that we live in now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know how many words I butchered in Harry Potter? Oh my gosh. When I went to see the movie I was like, oh, so that's how you say Hermione?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also because there's books that have, readers can be bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the other part too, is you'll have a book that could be an amazing book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if the person reading it is not performing well, then it's not good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like some of the best audiobooks are because the guy reading them, or lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe just, maybe instead of like, cause also the books that you're talking about are really big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do know it takes me longer to read things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, hanging out with my girl and she's like, read this article.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can tell their speed and you're like, let's just, you know, they're done. They're doing something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never been to a library where we're like, oh yeah, this is my first edition of the letters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I did, I did, I said the phrase hated it, but I, like, other than that Helms Deep battle, which was amazing, I was just like, man, I'm good. Call me when you got some wands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know. Nate was like, Nate was, Witton got that book. He's like, man, this book is amazing. I wanted a book. It's gonna be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, I go, oh dude, like it looks interesting. I'll, I'll get it. And so I got the audio book and I spent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 18 hours of my life listening to that book. And it was amazing. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing. And so I called Nate like two weeks later and I was like, hey, did you finish the book? And he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause every time we open up, he's gotta look at the book to get the Xbox controller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you have to have, that's a misconception. I think you can be memorial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Memorial Day is about remembering. Past and present.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not- No, that's- that's not- When you do Memorial Day, they say all the troops stand up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have recommended, uh, they were a buddy of mine, or somebody I knew rather, was having a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Passed away, and they were like, let's take suggestions of things we should do to remember them. And I was like, I don't know, why don't we do a fireworks show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the most bait, they were like, let's do something out of the box. And they did everything exactly normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if you went to a funeral with fireworks, you would never forget it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want me to do fireworks? Oh, I want all of them. I want you to, I want you to have the tent on the ground and then throw a road flare in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna tell you something, if there's anybody that knows where to find illegal fireworks, it's the Smith family. Really? Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you, my dad would not shed a tear during the whole process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean people, people buy them from St. Patrick's Day, in Florida they were shooting them off for New Years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She just has a photogenic memory, that's all it is. It's not reading, it's being able to recall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that? No, cause I, this, this is the most stressful episode of this podcast that I've ever done. All we're doing is talking about reading.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like also like there's a lot of times you read books and they get like really frustrating. Like I read Elvis's biography. When I say read it, I mean I listen to it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I looked it up and it's like 18 hours long audiobook. And so I'm, I'm again, I'm, I'm investing in my relationship is what I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for 18 hours, I mean, this is like two, two road weekends, you know, like I'm investing the whole way. And then, uh, I'm, I'm sitting there and I'm like, I gotta be close to the end. And he's getting on a boat to go to Germany.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in the military. And then the book just ends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, bro, you didn't even get to, what, Vegas Elvis? He's going to Germany. He's, he's, he's famous but it's just like, it's still just like bubblegum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pink suit. Soda fountain Elvis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And... Did you download the whole book? Whole book. 18 hours. And they didn't give anything fun. Nothing like that. He's not even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the most infuriating, I spent 18 hours, I mean I was so excited to get to the crazy, I mean like I want him to shoot guns from an airplane, I want the fried peanut butter sandwich Elvis, Chubby Elvis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact that the guy's like, he got halfway there and he's like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys, did you guys get like Christian books when you were, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a, it was really popular when I was in middle school and high school, or more middle school, but there was like Christian authors that would find like, they were like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like there's a guy in particular that I'm thinking of, his name is Frank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Peretti is his name. And he was like the Christian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stephen King. Oh. So he wrote like supernatural things, like one of those books that he wrote that I was like, that everybody like in my school like passed around was like a book called The Oath and it was about an invisible dragon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the best part, whenever you were in a strict household, something was like, it felt like it was breaking the rules, kinda, but you're like, oh, it's Christian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a, when you go, we go to the school library and there was a wait list on it. It was like three weeks deep to get that book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm down with the tongue thing for sure. I can't believe that one didn't catch on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I just think of like whenever I'm having to like read something out loud, I write it the way it's spoke, like in my head, the way that I, like I just imagine him, that guy's like been trying to get people on board for months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well didn't they add like the skirt thing? Like one of the Migos' like fill?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on board with that ad, that's for sure. Oh my gosh, so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You make a homemade pizza? No, no, no, not a whole one. But like when you get, when you get pizza, you got a few slices left over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it's weird that there are terms now and not words, cause I feel like doorbell and camera both are in the dictionary. It's weird that they're turnt like, now we're putting things together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's not like, like the doorbell camera, or blank check comp- like those are all separate, like, like that's- Yeah, you're not really making up a new word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just glad you guys are on board. I mean, I airballed that Memorial Day thing so bad. No, that's alright. Everything else after that I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like the Kindle. I, if I have read books on iPad, I read uh, Gucci man's biography on the iPad. Oh, it was unbelievable. His biography is one of the most exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he did. I mean, I mean, I'm sure he had somebody peeking over his shoulder every once in a while. Right, right, right. Uh, but, I mean, his biography maybe jumps off quicker than any other biography that I've ever read. Like, it starts from chapter one, it's the most exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm, I mean, better than any chapter. It was, it's bananas. But it's also like cool cause he's like, again, like the biographies are great because you watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who are great and influential become great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not just, not just a guy walking down the sidewalk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, he's a chubby guy, nobody reads with a vest, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or maybe like Denmark, Sweden, some place like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently whoever wrote this is a fan of the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, it's like, it's like when people collect books like that, they just want the, the rarity instead of like what's inside the book. Cause like they've printed new versions of these books. They're like, I want a first edition. It's like, what is that? Like you're not reading the first edition. It's just like, you just want something cause it's like old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You better get rid of him before he falls out again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think also like with time, just, I mean, I just think of fires, storms, floods, just anything that, it doesn't matter how much it's produced, you give it enough time and eventually it's all gonna disappear. So anything that survives and is rare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like every person has moments like that where it's like, I'm either gonna be great or I'm gonna be a lunatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've done uhm, you know, on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was doing a lot of walking for a while there. Yeah. Yeah. You get into some suburban neighborhood and then you start wondering, I don't think I should be doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think I started doing some walking. I did a lot of walking in my 40s to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like, yeah, you know, well, yeah, my neighbor at the time was like, are you going for your walk? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're saying you're, you're gonna designate your friends, you're setting them up to take the fall for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to the movies now. They should, they should, they should be able to look at all the groups of people. Well, that guy's a convicted felon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Depends on what fell off that truck too. That's a good point too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't that go against some sort of confidentiality thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you go to Walgreens, you can't see over, whereas you can see the whole store at CVS. Which, uhm, if you're like me and you live where you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can see the back of the story. That is true. Why is that? Yeaah. I don't know. It was a choice. I was in the sort of retail business for a while before I did comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they, they are the only ones that do that in the pharmacy chains. Like Walgreens, you can't see aisle to aisle. Um, but if you live in the town where you grew up and, uh, you know, maybe you run into like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like you see somebody from high school, you don't really want to, you know, really hang out with or whatever, which, you know, most of the time I enjoy seeing people, but if there's somebody, you can, you know, at Walgreens, you sort of duck behind the aisle, but if you're at CVS, like, word up!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a comic when I was first starting out. It was really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he told me this trick, uh, he said, listen to your set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do it while you're washing the dishes or, uh, something where you're not thinking. And he said, you know, on the internet or driving, I drove a lot back then and he said, you'll start to get used to your voice a little bit more. And, you know, and it was really helpful for me. Because I just didn't sound natural back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 75? And then cut it to an hour?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, I mean. It's hard to do. I'm doing old material if I'm doing United States. Me too, me too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, that just brought back awful memories of when you said, you know, those laughs are there. When I remember when I first was, I got some feature gigs on the road before I should have been doing it. And you know, you go in and you're like, all right, I don't, I don't have 30 minutes, but I do have these six giant bits that always kill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I did some gig in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know what I did, cause now if that happens you just throw in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some old, I got enough material always to cover it. I don't know, I don't know what I was doing. No idea. Cause it was talking, you know, you know, probably terrible crowd, you know, the crowd work from a place of weakness is never good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. That's great. The older comic, uh, typically, uh, you say something after when they tell you the joke. Typically you comment on, oh, I thought you said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is 3.2% alcohol versus whatever. It was like low alcohol beer. And I remember, you know, being in the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That's what you have to do. You do one of those things like Nate did and then you go do a corporate gig and they read your bio word for word without the irony. Did I perform for the troops? Yes. But so did you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, uh, my buddy, eh, real funny comic, Tommy Johnigan, uh, he called me accidentally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he, when Heather was about to give birth to their first child and he called me, he's like, I go, oh, he's like, hey, uh, man, I didn't mean to call you. We're on our way to the hospital. Heather's, uh, uh, Heather's water just broke and we're going in. I go, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Missouri, if you're in sort of the, uh, middle of the state, uh, you would say, uh, Missouri.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Middle state, say Missouri. Yeaah, you'd say Missouri if you're from more of the rural area, but if you're in St. Louis or Kansas City, you'd say Missouri.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were in St. Louis? Yeah, yeah, I grew up in St. Louis. I was born in Springfield, uh, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, yeah, that's where the best pro shop is. Man, they have like, uh, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They eventually die and they go, we'll just make it a museum. You go, ah, that works. More taxidermy at this point. But yeah, it was, you know, it's all animals, uh, that you would find that are indigenous to Missouri. It's pretty cool. And then you get to the end and there was a shark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel like this guy that, you know, the guy that started the museum had this like really pure vision, like it's Missouri, Missouri, and then just people kept coming through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to see a shark. Where's the shark? I brought my family up here. I'm paying 20 bucks to take it. I want to see a shark. He's like, well actually sir, it's only Missouri. No, no, no, I want to see a shark. And then there's some moment where he's like, just, just put the shark. Well you need a headline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that? No, it's not even our thing, man. I mean, I think, you know, we got, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Missouri Mule is, uh, you know, that's a thing. The Missouri Mule. And, uh, there was some beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be. I would think it would be. Like I remember there was a beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember there was a beer my dad drank called Old Missouri and it had a picture of that mule on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's sort of a dichotomy. You have St. Louis in Kansas City, and you have the rest of the state that's probably a little bit more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Missouri in the, yeah, yeah, I should have worn my St. Louis shirt. It's got like, uh, the, the artists are, we have, our city has a flag and it's got the two rivers coming together. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's pretty neat. Yeah. With the French fleur de lis. It was founded by, uh, the French.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we are, I mean, it was, uh, Augustus Shoto, and I can't remember the other guy, it was his father-in-law that founded St. Louis, and I think that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got this idea during uh, um, covid that I was gonna like maybe do like a one man show about Missouri or something. So I read one book. Then I got onto another idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But uh, I did learn a little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was a bad call. It was one of the worst calls in history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we, we were, we were winning that game. Yep. And, uh, I think it would have been the third out. Yep. Uh, the final out of the game and, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of their guys ran to first base and, uh, the umpire Don Denkiger called the guy, uh, safe and he was definitely out. And, uh, the guy was getting death threats for about 20 years. Yeah. Don Denkiger. Yeah. People take baseball pretty seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, here's the thing I need to admit, like, because it's like that Bartman thing with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they screwed up in this ending a couple of times after that, like the Bartman theme. Uhm, but I remember what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her dad was a big carnal fan and her, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her mom's sister, so her aunt lived in Kansas City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She called, you know, to kind of give him a little, she wasn't a real baseball fan. She was just a nice lady. She called to give him, you know, give him a little bit of ribbing, you know, like general fun, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I mean, I remember when I was living in New York, my, my, uh, mom and dad came to, uh, the city to visit for like three or four days and, and, uh, Cardinals happened to be in the NLCS that, uh, week and we went, there's a bar down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somewhere around 33rd that was a Cardinal bar, which that's the coolest thing about New York is you have these places where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, it's like I'm back in St. Louis. It was one of the funnest things ever about New York. So I took them there and they loved it. And, uh, we were watching the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, they lost to the Giants in a terrible game and, uh, you know, I don't, me and my dad got in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was, my mom, you know, was there and it was, I just like, why do we waste this time being mad about baseball? When I had my parent, my mom, uh, you know, passed away a few years later. So I'm like, why, why did I sit there arguing about baseball and mad about baseball when I had my mom in the city with me, you know, I was like so upset that day about the Cardinals is stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, she loved it. She loved it. I mean, when she talked about it, she's like, that bar that had all the, I mean, they loved it, but I just think about how silly it was. And then I, I'm a big college wrestling fan and I'm a Missouri fan and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I've had, my dad and I, that's one of the things that we share. My dad was a high school wrestling coach. So we go, you know, we went to the big 12 tournament this year. We got a lot of stuff and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we always wind up arguing about stuff, and I'm so passionate about the arguments, and then on the way, you know, after I drop them off, I'm like, what am I doing? This is my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy was, that guy's name was Tim Krieger. He was a two time national champ. And he, I think he got second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were some days when I lost three, I think. Yeah. Like this guy killed me. This is the one. Yeah. This guy was. Yeah. Why are you showing this one? It's the only thing on the internet. Yeah. It's probably the only match that. No, it was the first reason. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's plenty of you winning. This guy, this guy murdered me. There's a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wrestled this guy, not in this match. I wrestled him earlier in the year that year. That's at the big eight championships. And I was a freshman and my coach was when he's Wes Roper and he was one of those guys like, you know, he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Warren, I don't care who this guy is or what he's done. You go out there, you take it to him. You don't show him any respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got out on top of him and I think it was a second period or something and I had this move called the leg szezeski and it was pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guy named Suzuki. Yeah. Yeah. This guy named Tim Suzuki. Yeah. Um, and, uh, I was pretty good at it and I got it and he, I think he had a bad leg. I wasn't doing it because he had a bad leg, but I, uh, I was wrenching him pretty good. Yeah. I was still getting beat, but I was wrenching him pretty good. And he like, it was like, ah, and they had to stop the match, you know, when he went over to his corner to get taped up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I went over to my corner thinking, yeah, you know, Roper's, Roper's going to be like proud of me. He's like, yeah, he's like Warren. I'm not sure I would have made him mad like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, cause he was like basically like, he was, he was hurt. He was going to cruise through the match and beat me about eight to five, you know, eight to two or something and just sort of take it easy. And he was, man, as soon as, as soon as we got back out there, it wasn't like he, he, he ripped my head off, man. It was a mission at that point, man. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty rare that, uh, that people get pinned in division one college wrestling. It happens a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this dude was like, yea, but I mean, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, Clarion's school? Yeah, Clarion's college in Pennsylvania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vecchione's a maniac. You know, he's one of the funniest guys I know. And a good guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a good high school wrestler. I think he either won the state in Florida or got second in Florida. He was. Yeaah, he was a good high school wrestler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A top three program, you know? I mean, he, and he was, Florida was not a great wrestling state. I mean, he was a good wrestler. And you know, Vecchione, if you've seen the way he writes jokes, he's like, he's just like, okay, I'll just work as hard as I can and I'll be there. But like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He should have gone somewhere to some mid level, you know, and they would have brought him around. Like he goes in and immediately there's probably like fifth string behind like some of the biggest recruits in the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't have gone to Penn State and I was a guy who, you know, I started wrestling when I was five years old. My father's my coach. You know, I had probably


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Better qualifications coming at it. I'd wrestled in all, you know, Vecchione was a good football player in high school. And, you know, I'd,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wrestled all year round almost. I mean, so, uh, but yeah, he's a, he's a mad man. I was like, why'd you go there? He's like, well, I just, you know, I wanted to go to the best place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't as prevalent as it is now. I mean, uhm, I think there was some publication where I was mentioned or something, but Missouri wasn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usually you had to win one of these national tournaments and usually in high school there's a big junior national tournament. I did it after my junior year and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't place, but you know, I won probably like 10 matches and still didn't place. And I lost to some of the same guys I lost to in college. Like, you know, like, uh, and then my senior year,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to West Point, my freshman year of college, so I didn't do any of that stuff. I was in basic training that summer, so I went to the army, uh, for my whole first year of college and then transferred to Missouri.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Oh, I'd love to talk, I don't know Shane, but I'd love to talk because we did, what he and I did then is pretty rare. Usually if you make it through the first year, you stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's pretty cool. I had no idea, man. I loved the talk to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In shape, like wrestling shape by any stretch, but I think there's some, I remember, um, you know, when I first moved to New York, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, this guy just was like, uh, behind me. He's like, Hey man, what are you looking at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and, uh, I'm like, you know, nothing, you know, nothing, man. I just, and then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got nothing and then he's, what are you looking at man? And I was like, hey man, nothing man. And I just kept walking and he sprinted up and he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got my face, and uh, and uh, I said something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he punched me like it was a pretty, like pretty good shot. I mean, I was dumb enough to like, I could not have set my chin on a tee more clearly. I was like, where are you going to hit me right there? You know, and I, uh, and he punched me in the face. Um, and, uh, for about, it was probably like a four second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'm like on top of him screaming at him and then within about 5 seconds I was like, I'm about to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get out of here man or whatever. And there's this dude, of course there's some guy with a cell phone, you know, taping it and he's like, yo dog, why he hit you? I'm like, I don't know, man. He's crazy. He's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You a champ, dog. You a champ. And, uh, and I, and then it was over. And like, if that happened in the suburbs where I live in St. Louis right now, it would be on the news or in the paper. Like, but people in New York were like, ah, that's, yeah, that guy probably deleted the video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To New York, but I knew this guy's a wrestler, so I knew I'd like him. And I called Beck Young and told him the story. And then I called somebody else and they were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so. So you know how to do it if something happens. I think if some, you know, now, if it was a kid that could rest, like, up until about, I'm 53 now, when I was in my early 40s, maybe late 30s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad was still coaching and I could go with really good high school kids, not college kids. And then a few years later I was up in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just haven't done it and I was up in Columbus and the club owner there, Dave Stroop, uh, Dave's friend of mine, a great guy and used to wrestle and he, uh, he, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Had me, his son was at some wrestling camp and I went to this wrestling camp and I was showing, mostly just like trying to make him laugh and showing some, showed him some technique and then there was a college kid there and like an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so funny. So yeaah, I can't go with somebody that knows how to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 out of the last 11 championships or something like, and that guy that coaches there, Cale Sanderson, it's all about that. You hear those guys talk like, we do a lot of play wrestling, you know, and they, and they do a lot of sparring. When I was, uh, in college, it was, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you're drilling, you're practicing technique or you're going full out live and you're just, you know, trying to tear each other's head off. And that, we did too much of that back then. Like we just, cause I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I could have been better, you know, like if I, I'd stopped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's almost the equivalent of a comic who stops writing. You know, like I was going to practice every day, I was trying hard, I was dedicated, but I'd stopped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Working on new technique and, uh, I wish I could go back. You know, my, my intellectual curiosity just sort of drained out of me. Cause probably cause I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dreading the fact that we're gonna beat the hell out of each other for the next, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was just getting through it, you know, and uhm, you know, I've been in places like that in comedy and I look back and I'm like, what was I doing? I wasted that whole


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nine months not, you know, worrying about my career, worrying about whether my career is it when I could have been writing jokes and you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's, that's a great point. I mean, and it's such a cool thing that we can all do. Like, all of us can do that now. We can always be like, I'm going to write this thing this morning. I'm going to sit down and work on this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were hanging with a crew that was, you know, the part of that though is like, you're around all these funny people. Cause I know you're, you were in your twenties in New York with all these monsters of comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That thing never ends though, the food thing. It never ends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. 50s it's even more pronounced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me 45 through 50 was the one where, well it was also, cause I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this day job for the first 10 years of my career. I didn't really, I did a little comedy, but I didn't quit my day job until I was like 33.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So 45, like right when I was in sort of a couple years in New York and doing stuff on the road and, and I'd done some stuff, but right around then I started, uh, thinking, man, I think I'm getting pretty good at comedy. And then that is right around the time when I started looking in the mirror being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turn this around, you know, you know, like I just started looking a lot different, uh, in like that. I kind of held it off like when I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate you saying that, it's more fun, and then I think about who I like, and then most of the guys I like are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are pretty experienced, although you see guys like him and you're like, this guy figured it out way early.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you don't have the badge. You know, every now and then it's usually outside of a comedy club or some sort of weird venue. I had a bad one in front of the Cardinals one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like some, it's a continuum. Yeah. There's, you know, which I hate to say that because there are, especially for someone like you, like there will be some magic moment. There could be this thing for you that completely opens up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always stayed close to the program and they would have me go do like, the coach and I are friends, and uh, back when Mike was wrestling there, I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he'd have me come in before practice and do like, uh, like 20 minutes for those guys to try to get him, you know, to get him a laugh before practice or whatever. But Chandler's insane because he was never a high school state champion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he was an all-American in college and then he's, you know, he's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, does he really? I thought he was in San Diego. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, uh, a lot of fights wind up in a wrestling match. You don't usually stare at it, but then those, he can also punch somebody. My hands are tiny. I couldn't hit anybody and do any damage. Like he can punch somebody and kick them and like, yeah, he's a, he's a really tough guy. So I didn't know you were a fan. So like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I hope not, man. Yeaah. It never goes good. NO!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one-year supply of Vitamin D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is athleticgreens.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was, uh, I came to your Becky Young taping at Zany's and that was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week on the live podcast, we talked about people from up north and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're the guys like when the lights come on, you play your best. Mr. October.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my father-in-law did some research and two of those pharmacists, uh, are leaving that CVS and going to a CVS down the street. So we may be transferring just loyalties to another CVS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they know our medical background, which is pretty extensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you would think she's a rescue the way she acts. She's so skittish about everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, we picked her up when she was eight weeks old, so, unless they beat her before her eyes opened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And obviously not all readers are good. So she's got some issues. We're working with her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you wouldn't say that's good, but you wouldn't say it's bad either, but when she does something like you want, you're supposed to reinforce that positivity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think it is. We got it at the same pharmacy. I thought I'd have to go to like the vet or something. They're like, they called it into CVS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watch CBS Sunday morning regularly for years, so. Is this the guy? Well, that's the guy he's interviewing, but yea, Connor Niles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, last week we talked about the Appalachian. I guess we talked about the Alps too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was way off when I said Greenland was the smallest. It's not even, I don't know where I got that, but Vatican City is much smaller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they stopped. That's a good question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long do trees live? Well Methuselah was, that tree was 4,000, almost 5,000 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a good question cause trees stop growing, but I guess they keep going a little bit out. I don't like you talking about trees like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But his question was do they keep growing while they're alive?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it doesn't, they stop growing in height, but they continue to grow in width.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've all started taking athletic greens. None of us eat very well. Nate's doing better, right? You're on the road. I'm crushing it now, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's great. I get up every morning, I make, uh, Eleanor's formula, put two scoops in, uh, baby formula and some water, then I take my athletic greens, put me in one scoop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true, that is true. The travel packs are great for when any of us are on the road. You can easily pour it into a bottle of water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now it's time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition, especially with cold and flu season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make it easy, Athletic Green is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your purchase. All you have to do is visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, that's athleticgreens.com slash Nate to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if a kid approaches you on the street, you sign up for something, then go to crew bail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An antique store in Fort Wayne. Yea, if it's an antique store, they'd probably be like, wow, is this some ancient glove? Yea. I mean, why else would...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some things that I just thought was a cool computer program that's considered AI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, like, uh, when they talk about how computers will someday be smarter than humans, I think about, alright, a calculator has always been able to add up something instantly. It is smarter than humans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, but that's a specific case, which we'll get into, but are you saying calculators are smarter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and they don't have uhm, logic or reasoning or a conscious yet. It's still someone programming you to do certain things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what they think it's going towards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So flying cars, for example, that's about to be a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in New York City, they're starting 2024. They're called eVTOLs, Electric Vehicle Takeoff Land. They look more like helicopters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they'll, they'll have pilots, but they're also going to be some pilot less because they said a computer won't make errors like a pilot would. So it'll be just self driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you even have to get to the landing, I mean, the takeoff place. So they send a car to pick you up just to get to that. So then you're like, well, if you're already stuck in traffic, why would I want to get in their car?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I guess if you were trying to get from one side of the city to the other, and the landing pad's half a block away, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. I mean, but you have to drive to it unless, you know, it's not like you're going to walk to it, but it goes from Lebanon to Mount Juliet. It's not bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's about the machine uprising, where they become smarter and more powerful than us and take over the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a lot of movies like that, but people are really concerned that's going to happen. Elon Musk, who just bought Twitter, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stephen Hawking was concerned about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bill Gates, all those people are really concerned that if we don't be careful, we'll program these computers. They'll eventually get smarter than us and then we're not careful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would a robot or a computer want to kill us? So you program it to cure cancer. We've been putting millions of dollars into cancer research for years, had no luck. You go do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go cure cancer. And then it decides, well the way to cure it is to kill all the humans. No humans, no cancer. Because it doesn't have-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] empathy or ethics. It just knows it's got a job and it's job is to rid cancer, so it just wipes all of us out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess I just assumed they're all going to be linked to the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2001 A Space Odyssey, that came out in 1968, and even then they were like, that's about a computer on the ship that...


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[Assistant] And they had a mission, and then these astronauts are like, I disagree with Hal's mission, I don't think he's right. He reads their lips that they're trying to overthrow him, and then he kills them.


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[Assistant] So there's a, I think we talked about this on the future episode, it's called the Singularity, which is the point in our history where


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[Assistant] Futurist at Google said like 2040 or 2045, something like that.


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[Assistant] Facebook was working with chatbots, which you guys know, we've ever done chatbot.


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[Assistant] Go online, ask a question and it acts like it's a person replying. But they were trying to make it more personable. So they had two chat bots chat with each other to try to.


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[Assistant] They were doing shorthand just cause it made it faster for them. And then Facebook stopped it and said, no, for the purpose of this, you got to use English. You can't be doing something total like that.


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[Assistant] I mean, she's obvious a robot, but she has facial features and stuff like that, that she can do that.


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[Assistant] There's a robot expert that says by 2050, marrying a robot will be legal.


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[Assistant] Uh, but anyway, he was 31 years old, hadn't found a wife yet. In China, there's a lot more men than women. He was getting frustrated, his parents were on his case, so he built a robot and he married her.


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[Assistant] He likes that, but, uh, he's trainer to do chores around the house.


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[Assistant] There was a chatbot, uhm, on uh, Twitter that they tried to test by just seeing if he could interact with different people on Twitter.


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[Assistant] So in 2050, Harper will be in her thirties. She comes home with a boyfriend and it's a robot. Dad, I want you to meet Hal.


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[Assistant] I would like that. Is there any, I mean, what's a thing now in our life that you would like a robot to do?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was trying to think of an example that we have now that 50 years ago, people might have said, that's not authentic. I mean, I can't think of anything.


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[Assistant] Is that the same program that could write a story?


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[Assistant] So kids can use this to write papers. I'm sure that they are. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They're making like movies now though, where Warner Brothers has this, uh, deal with CineLytic where they use algorithms to predict a film's success.


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[Assistant] Based on the film script, and then they insert different actors in it, and then they can run an analytics thing to see how well it'll do, and that's how they help determine which actors to put in which movies.


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[Assistant] Apparently. And then there's another thing called Scriptbook that predicts how well a movie will perform based on the screenplay. So this is, they try to make this movie, 2019,


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[Assistant] They announced that the best actor to play this guy, called Fighting Jack, about a Vietnam War veteran, was James Dean.


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[Assistant] They said they searched Heimlo for the best actor and James Dean was the best choice. So he was going to star in this movie.


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[Assistant] It looks like this, this is Nate as Forrest Gump, someone on the Nate land, Chris Cosano posted this.


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[Assistant] So that's obviously fake, but then like that Tom Cruise on TikTok, you couldn't tell the difference.


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[Assistant] I mean, it looks so real. And now they're like, that's a national security thing. Cause you can make a world leader. Sure. It looks like they're declaring war. Yeah. Yeah. That's scary. That's when it gets really scary. Yeah. And, but the upside is, I saw this on, uh, 60 minutes as I'll watch that in CBS any morning.


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[Assistant] That's great, but the deep fake thing, the upside of it is, uhm, like there was some company in Asia that made, uhm,


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[Assistant] Some type of drink and they wanted Snoop Dogg to be the spokesperson for it.


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[Assistant] So, they paid him just to do his face of deep fake image. It looks just like him.


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[Assistant] And he gets the money, but he doesn't have to fly to Asia to make the commercial. So that's the upside of deepfake.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so Deep Blue was the original, but even before Watson, that's probably before your time.


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[Assistant] Deep blue play, Garry Kasparov, part of the greatest chess player of all time.


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[Assistant] In a chess match, Gary won the first time and then they


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[Assistant] We programmed the computer a year later, we played it in the computer 1.


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[Assistant] No, it was close. Like he won some, some, I don't know, what do you call it? In matches, games?


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[Assistant] But there's so many moves in chess, eventually you could out maneuver someone, right?


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[Assistant] Because this said the computer was searching to a depth of 6 to 8 moves and sometimes 20 or more moves in some situations.


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[Assistant] He said that, uh, Kasparov said he'd noticed unusual creativity in the machine's moves, suggesting that during the second game, human chess players can intervene on behalf of the machine.


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[Assistant] Basically they were calling the shots behind the scenes. IBM denied this saying that only human intervention occurred between games, which was allowed. Like in between games, they could do some tweaking.


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[Assistant] Kasparov demanded a rematch, but IBM had dismantled Deep Blue after the victory and refused the rematch.


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[Assistant] He requested printouts of the machine log file that IBM refused. I'm on his side. Although later the company published the logs on the internet. But they could have changed them.


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[Assistant] Few years later, went on Jeopardy, took on Ken Jennings, Brad Rudder, and he won a million dollars.


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[Assistant] So humans take, uh, a tenth of a second to perceive the question to hit your buzzer. Watson could do it in eight milliseconds.


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[Assistant] I don't know if he knows every answer, but I think they all basically know the answers. Oh, I mean, Ken Jennings, I think knows most of the answers. It's just who can get in quickest when they give you the prompt.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they one-signed. The robot got, I think he got Final Jeopardy wrong.


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[Assistant] That's not what we're talking about. I forgot what the question was, but it's like this US city, blah, blah, blah. And it answered, what is Toronto?


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[Assistant] So it got something wrong just because it couldn't understand it. What an idiot, dude. What a dumb computer. But then later, it went on the Urban Dictionary, Memorize Urban Dictionary, and began using profanity. And they had to wipe his memory.


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[Assistant] That chatbot that I was talking about earlier, it's called Tay, and it went on, it was made by Microsoft, and it was supposed to engage with people in a casual and playable conversation. Basically, it takes what they say and does whatever.


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[Assistant] But within 15 hours, it referred to feminism as a cult.


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[Assistant] Neither of those phrases had been repeated, by the way. He just said it on its own. Said the Holocaust didn't happen. They had to stop it.


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[Assistant] Then it accidentally got re-released on Twitter again during a test and it started doing, uh, pot jokes.


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[Assistant] Uhm, they don't know, they got a repetitive loop saying, you're too fast, please take a rest. Several times a second. So it just blew up people's Twitter feeds if they were following it.


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[Assistant] There's a, so there's a, so you asked me earlier about consciousness and there is a,


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[Assistant] Some believe that they'll eventually be able to upload our conscious to a machine.


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[Assistant] And then it can still be us, we'd be like a cyborg, a robot, but it would be our brain, our mind, all that. There's a company called the 2045 Initiative and they're developing, uhm, trying to develop ways to upload our consciousness to a cyborg, to a machine. I mean, they could laugh at each other and technically we could live forever.


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[Assistant] Well, that's the big question. What is a conscious? How do you describe what a consciousness is? A soul?


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[Assistant] No one can really define what that means.


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[Assistant] Now that's different. That's Alcor and that's where they freeze you and, and try to bring you back to life later.