[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe if you are a flower shop, maybe you don't do flowers on Valentine's Day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fireflyers here on New Year's. You want fireworks? Go to a Valentine's Day fireworks stand. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could have said that in a more clear way. Pagans are us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not the, uh, you know, the small business owner here. It's big flowers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then on the 14th, boom, big time. It's chaos. No, they have to have it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's probably not a lot being ordered, but on Valentine's day, you're getting hit up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that I disregard, what I was saying was, if you have kids...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't get divorced. If you have kids, if you don't have kids, do whatever you want. I'm not saying that, I'm not saying that from a biblical standpoint. I'm saying for the sake of the kids. Okay. That's what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Jesus loves to protect the kids. Yeah. So that's, that was my point. I mean, I get it. I, I love, yes. I mean, it does sound very inconsistent and I like this joke. Matthew McCraw is very funny, but, um, yeah, I mean, I'm just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you've started a family, right? And now divorce is breaking up the family. If you're just two people and you've went down to the courthouse and you got a license inside. It's just paperwork. Yeah. Go ahead and separate that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. That's what I'm saying. Good. I'm just saying, I, I, I don't know, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My main point was, you know, stay married for the kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and a movie called Serendipity. You see that one? I think so. John Cusack, Jeremy Piven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a movie I watched, uh, what is it, uh, everything I hate about? No, it's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, what about the, uh, how about them apples part of the scene? See, I feel like that ruins the, the part of the scene. What about it? I like the whole thing where he takes down the guy in the bar by being smarter, but then the, do you like apples? How do you like these apples? I just, I don't like that, uh, kind of joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like how Casey Affleck moves up front and that's like really how fast you are forgotten. Like you're like, all right, he's gone. I'm up front now. And it's like, you quit a job. You always think people are going to remember you. They don't. They're like, can I have your shift?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. HBO back in the day, like you just turn it on. You got no choices. You can't record anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'd love to. Gosh, I love this stuff. Our next partner is Athletic Greens. I think all of us are trying to take our AG1 by Athletic Greens every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gave AG1 a try because I wanted increased energy and immune system support, especially during the cold and flu season. I take AG1 in the morning before I start my day and it makes me feel like I'm doing something good to cover my nutritional basis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is much easier to mix the one scoop of powder and water once a day than to take a bunch of different things. It's the healthiest thing you can do in under a minute and costs less than $3 a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also get single serving travel packs, so I never have to miss a day when I'm on the road. Do you guys also take the travel packs? Yeah, that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you don't even have to mix a lot. So let's say for some reason you got weird taste and you don't like it. You just, you just turn it up and it's done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so this, every scoop has 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food sourced ingredients of the highest quality that have major benefits like gut and mood support, boosting energy and even healthier looking skin, hair and nails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, if you could just drink something that does that for you, why not do it? That's what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, different sister, different sister. I've not spoken to that sister by the way since the wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, AJ one, AG one has been part of millions of mornings since 2010. If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, athletic greens has given you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs for your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's athleticgreens.com slash Nate. Check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be honest, I don't like any headshot of myself. I wish I do have some mugshots out there. I've never been able to find them. I would like to. You do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I got, you know, I got arrested when I was a young younger guy. Yeah. So they're out there. Yeah. Hmm. They're going to be worth something someday. Yeah. I'd love to find them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say I've learned something from the podcast. I learned that about the moon. I was under the impression that the moon did a little more spinning than it does, but I still don't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, like what they think it is? I saw it. It's real C.G. Halligan though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they said there's like a rabbit shape on our side is like a rabbit shape. There's like a rabbit holding an egg. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rabbit holding an egg, that's where some people say we get the Easter bunny from. Rabbit holding an egg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comes down, drops off eggs, we gotta find him. Right. Before he can get back to the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, some people say that when the astronauts landed on the moon, that they were greeted by aliens. And that's why we don't go back. Because they were like, you're not welcome here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did watch it. I don't watch a lot of comedy specials and I watched it and it's great. Thank you. It's very funny. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it's like, it is like that distinct laugh is re- it can be really hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw some runway fashion show with it, although models were not wearing the dresses. The dresses were like in front of them or sideways or upside down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if you're wearing that, what he's wearing right there, are you thinking, I look good? Or do you not even think about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's easy to be on a bike, but like you hit a hill and it's hard. And I rode one of these, just yours around the neighborhood. It's so great. It's so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Dusty, you're the callback king, right? Well, I like callbacks. I like them a lot and I think they can add a lot to a show, but I do also know that I've tried to force them a lot of times where I'm like, in my head, I think, oh, this is going to be great. This is going to be, and then you do it and it gets no reaction and you're like, oh, okay, this is too many callbacks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So especially ending on a callback, it really have to be sure it's going to be right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm at, uh, helium in Indianapolis all weekend. So it's going to be really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Wow. I mean, it was, I mean, oh, Charlie said it's uppity. Uh, I talked to a guy, uh, this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if the wife kept coming in for the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard out here. It's hard out here for left handed people. It's tough. I'm sorry man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They love saying that, don't they? Tennessee gets one real student athlete and they just beat it into the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, it's pretty, I mean, it's pretty impressive, but it's just like Tennessee. What have you ever cared about academics?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's rocket scientists and brain surgeons. Those are the two that we think are the cream of the crop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's a shuttle scientist gonna do? Take you on an adventure?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I believe in the American spirit. I think we'd figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Burn up? Yeah. I wonder if it was built to come back down or maybe they thought this'll just, it's a one way ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's orbiting around there. Yeah. So it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if this has ever happened, but in theory it will come back around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd have to go the other, actively go the other way to stay in place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was picturing you like a cart girl on a golf course, like you go and meet people on the trail. No, I had a win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So hold on. So if you're diabetic, you can just go off the rails and have McDonald's and you won't die from it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've already solved one. I'm fine with them, man. I'm good at word search.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see the video, the animation that that guy made of the graduation ceremony? Uh, yeah. Dude, that was like the coolest thing I've ever seen. That was so awesome. Do you remember the name of it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what this guy did is they sampled all of Nate saying people's names from the comments and then used them in a, in a sketch where, where you're reading off names for a graduation ceremony. It's so good. Did you see this Dustin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm guessing Pratt, he was probably born in 92. Yeaah. Yeaah, okay, that makes sense now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. The landslide brought them down. That jacket probably helps out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sometimes it's like if people like, yeah, you could Google the answer to it and say, well, then the podcast would be five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You know what I mean? If we just Google the right answer to everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever get jealous of a name because of how the sig, how cool the signature probably looks? Two S's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could do something cool with it. Two S's and then two T's. And then another big S right after that. You could have some fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess in effect it is Brian Bates. It's two syllables, but if let's say there's some theoretical perfect English speaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would say it three. Brian, Brian Bates, Brian Bates. They say to tell the syllables, you put your hand under your chin and the amount of times your chin touches it, Brian Bates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if I were saying Brian Bates's shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could not get me to hold a possum like that. Nah, me either. I do not like possums. They look evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're actually like good for you. I think they eat tits. They're good to have around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think anyone would do that. Oh, I kind of remember maybe the beginning of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody told me early on when you start stand up, you can fall into one of the four C's, they told me. Cruises, colleges, clubs, churches. And people make the mistake of like they just fall into one and then they don't exist in the other rooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, it's just one syllable that's different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that you like to challenge us on stuff and then you don't even defend your side. You just go, alright. I think your side spoke for itself. I defer the rest of my time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're not talking, we're talking about real life, dude. See, that's the problem. You live on paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think you have, you can say something unique about movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is like the money laundering that goes into this art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I commission Dusty, if I pay you $5,000 to make me a painting, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I get it. And then I have my friend Brian who...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will, people think, I mean, a lot of these paintings, we're like, why is that a 70 million dollar painting of just a red square? Like that's why, because this is, this is money laundering about the world's richest people. I've never heard that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, I could tell all of your jokes word for word, but I didn't come up with them, right? It's like having the idea, the first one to do it. Is that, that's more important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Storytelling's an art form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's drunk people right in front of you and it just feels very, you're in a mall. You know, it just feels silly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This past weekend, which just made me think like there's like this venue. It was like such a big show. It felt very like regal. It's still this dude in the front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said something like, I'm not dumb or s- I was just trying to lead into a bit and he goes, That's a matter of opinion!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, yeah, but I'm the one talking right now. I kind of snapped out. I kind of lost my cool. Pretty much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's easier because you have the benefit of it being in the moment. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's hard I'm sure to come up with stuff, but like the bar for a joke is so much lower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little did you know you were meant to be a state of comic in the back of the room. Yes. Making fun of everyone else in the room. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's find out. Totally. I mean, just don't put a lot on it. You know what I mean? Kind of ease it up on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pull the blood clot out. Your blood clot's been healed for days. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to thank you to Viori for sponsoring this episode of Nate Land. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VioriClothing.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a new outlook on performance apparel. It's perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're sick and tired of traditional old workout gear, it could be worn for any activity, running, training, yoga, but also great for lounging or weekend errands. Viori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners only.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VioriClothing.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is v-u-o-r-i, clothing.com, slash nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but you can enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Free returns. Go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori Clothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't find a good article about this. Big Bird? No, I mean look, you can see yellow on the TV, but there's not actually yellow pixels on TVs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, okay. So those are, that's red and green. Looks like the red and green's in trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's 45 there. I see all those. Oh really? I feel good. Yeah. I feel pretty good. Oh you do? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess it's Tom Brady. You would never guess that's Tom Brady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There probably is a rush to get it done so that you can sell it to the news stations quickly, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to ruin the reveal. Do you want to set this up at all? Like what, what is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love they didn't even try to put eyebrows in on the sketch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll take a lot of time shading his neck so that the lighting is better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good question. Or do you think it's just the police artist that, or police artist? Either just a policeman that can kind of draw?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says only about a hundred, this is as of six years ago, this is an article on some website.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only about a hundred full-time sketch artists remain on police payrolls in the United States. It's a dying breed. Most police departments now rely on part-time contractors for suspect sketches. Others just use computer programs where you can create sketches from preloaded facial features.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is closer than the other one. At least got the proportions of his eyes and everything. Yeaah. Yeaah. I don't know what these little lines on the cheeks are for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that's a real problem? You're talking about just the boredom?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's usually where you did interesting stuff. Right. Came up with an idea, wrote a joke, wrote a song, something. Yes. Not anymore. It's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think all innovation comes out of either boredom or desperation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I was getting open, I can get open AI chats to write jokes in your voice. Oh really? It's awesome. Yeah. You want to see that real quick? Yeah. Yeah. I'll pull that up. It'll take just two seconds, Brian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a fun thing to play around with. Now what do you want to hear a joke, Nate, to write a joke about? Give me a topic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is right a joke in the style of Nate Bargetti about, about farming. Farming. Chickens. Farming chickens. Alright, I'm not saying this is going to be great material, but it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a joke. Let's do a stand up. Well, try to do it. How do they? I think cause I've done this where it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like the, the rhythm of it. Cause I've done it. I did one when I was just trying this out. I was like, write a bit about style of neighbor gets about bagels. It was like bagels. I mean, how do you even spell bagels? It was just like a bit about how you couldn't spell bagels. It wasn't even about bagels. I was like, Oh, this is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think based on just some of the responses, it looks like it's, it's, um, this has no, not this is by the way, this is the chat open AI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says there's no, this has no information past the year 2021.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think it found, or I think you can look up some of like the transcripts from your specials.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can hang this in the Louvre or whatever. And I'd be like, Oh, I guess I don't get it, but it must be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half the money? Said she had to go to a psychiatrist to deal with all the embarrassment and fallout from this. That makes it a lot less fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, and it was, it's tough to look at, but apparently, uh, it was getting a ton of crap on, uh, online because it's like a mannequin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's like, God, I wish I could find a better picture of this. It's Sean Taylor at Memorial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But apparently the family of this guy all said they were really happy with it. Which I guess is all that matters, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is, if you look, it's like a wiry mannequin and then like, just pretty much that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dang, that's cool. Yeah. Where are you guys going to be this weekend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, at the end of January, I met, uh, Good Nights Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina. And then the next weekend, we got a fun little, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, we did. February 3rd. Yeah, February 3rd. We're gonna be in Lexington, Kentucky at the Lexington Opera House, right? Yep. Dusty, Dusty Sattlinen. Brian and I are there as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always say it like you're differentiating it from another city in the same state. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Aerospace, whatever that is. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they took it. They went out and they found where I buried it and took my knife. Wow. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] R, you forgot what bench you did. I mean, all of these are possibilities. Yeah. But I believe they took it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, well maybe, maybe. I got a pretty good success rate though once I was going to the Preds game and I hit it, uh, the knife in an alleyway downtown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have a specific spot, but I do hide things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really seems tough to listen and study.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Who asked you to call them back? Imagine getting a call on your birthday going, Hey, give me a call back. Yeah. And then you call them. They go, happy birthday. Yeah. It doesn't make sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I won't switch now, but uh, yeah, I was on a plane. I had my aisle seat. I like an aisle seat. That's where I want to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and the middle seat was open and the guy and his wife came and he was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you mind switching with us so I could sit next to my wife and I was like, where are you at? And he's like, I'm at a middle seat right there. And I was like, nah, I don't want to do that. And.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he tried to pay me and I was like, I just really just want to, I just want to keep this seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Why did, and did he try to switch with, I guess they weren't giving it all. I guess they weren't. I don't know, I was just, in the moment when she started crying, I was like, you know what, I'll just be a nice guy here. And I regretted it the whole way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he pay you? No, I didn't take his money. I wouldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know for sure. Uhm, I did think about it later, but I, I was so mad at the guy that I was gonna, if he tried to pay me, I was gonna refuse just out of anger towards him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what that would have done, but that was in my mind. I was so mad at this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, she just was, she started crying and I'm like, this is not that long of a flight. Yea. You know? I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like having an O-R at the end of that sentence. It's almost like emphasizing you're like, uh, wheeled out of the or, but then the sentence is over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't remember exactly, but I think it's about a kid in a tent. I mean, and it's like, I don't know. It's just to say, I remember hearing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I agree, you can't, it's like you can't define a word with the word. You gotta just be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't need to prove it. I mean, it's already been done. And, uh, and, uh, you know, a lot of people are crashing rockets trying to prove otherwise too. You know what I mean? You like Mad Mike though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna, I don't know who that is, but I'm not going to be getting in any rockets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, you know, I'm not saying anything. I mean, people are making a lot of wild assumptions about me. I mean, I'm just, I'm not saying anything, but I'm just saying, um, that, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Show me where it's curved. Yeah, I mean, he crashed a homemade rocket. You know, that's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people crash. NASA's crashed a few.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, maybe we didn't land on it. That's all. I mean, that's a possibility. And maybe it's not there. Yeah, maybe it's not. Who knows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember Garth Brooks had the song, The Dance, and it had, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a fun audiobook actually to go, listen, you finished this on your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fiction is the fake one and then non-fiction is the real one. It seems like the non would be the fake. That's why I think I get messed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I think because you can't just say fiction and truth because just cause it's nonfiction doesn't mean it's the truth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. Oh man. I get right into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're upset. Yeah, they've made prints. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of war. Yeah, we're like, Thanksgiving's wrapped up, now to the war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you know about it? Well, I mean, it does seem like that pretty much that's what Christmas is now. It's like, you know, we say, you know, we add up like a religious touch to it, but really we took on all the Saturnalia things. Yeah. We took the fun stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The wise men came and brought frankincense and myrrh and gold. That's why we celebrate. Yeah. And cause we, we decided, well, these guys brought Jesus gifts. So what we'll do is now we'll just give gifts to each other. Right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's good. That's a good time. The least fun ever was happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they might have been having a good time. It's just been recorded as we weren't having fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's pretty much what people did for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Elon Musk used to talk about, uh, Neuralink, where he said AI would be so advanced that we would need to, uh, plug in to download to, uh, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was 10, that would have, I don't know, uh, Ninja Turtles, GIJOs. What year were you born? 82.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I love Ninja Turtles. Ninja Turtles, GI Joes. I mean, that was, I had the little, had a little Ninja Turtle sewer set where you had the city and then you could go down into the sewer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well that's what I always say, it's like, it's not that we didn't have money, we didn't know how to spend money. So I had, we lived in a trailer, but I had the Ninja Turtle sewer set. Is this the sewer set right here? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess so. I also had a He-Man kinda set like that, so it's, oh yeah, look, this one up here, yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I used to have, yeah, I used to do a joke about it, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, about uhm, I got shot in the chest with a BB gun when I was like 5. You know, when I was playing He-Man. And I was like, I put my sword up, I was like, I have the, by the power of Grayskull. And then my cousin shot me in the chest.


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[Assistant] And I say that, you know, had I made the full transition to He-Man, obviously it would have bounced right off.


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[Assistant] He caught his perfect timing. Yeaah. I don't think that's the joke actually, but, uh. Alright. But that's the truth. It's on making that fudge. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't told that joke since I've recorded it. Yeah, sounds like a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Castle Grayskull there? $228.


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[Assistant] I saw the movie Street Fighter on Christmas with my mom one time. You remember that? Jean-Claude Van Damme? Street Fighter? Yeaah. I thought you were going to say like the new, isn't there a new one? Oh, maybe. Yeaah, we saw the old one though. She loved that Raul Julio, whatever. Raul Julio. Yeaah, she loved that.


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[Assistant] I feel like they always betray me. Like I bought a mattress one time from a place and then they were very slow about getting it to me and then I tried to call and they were like, the number they gave me to call was like, oh, we only


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Process the online orders. You know, they made it really hard and then like, I bought a, a, a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just like, everybody's lazy. Nobody wants to do anything. I took the wheel off the suitcase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Into the store hoping they would just give me a new wheel. They laughed at me and they were like, you gotta bring the whole suitcase in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had to go home, put the wheel back on the suitcase, take them the suitcase, just so they could mail it in and then mail it back to me with a new wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, that's what I'm saying. I just want a replacement wheel. That's all I want. I never thought about it from that perspective. But I'll just buy a new wheel. I mean, I don't even, you don't even have to give it to me, but they didn't, they didn't have them for sale. Wasn't even an option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I never, no, I just was trying to follow up about he was trying to get rid of some pillows or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it just fell flat. Cause he had a good story about returning pillows or boxes or something. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you tried to follow it with that story? I tried to relate and be like, oh, I got a story like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gotten a few complaints about my hats. Can you lose weight in your head? People's heads being too big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if they're having to mention your head size, that means they haven't. Oh man, well, he's got a helmet on.


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[Assistant] Oh because, well they don't, most people don't. They're very good hats. But people say that, I've had people say that their heads are too big for the hat. And I'll go, well, you knew your head was big when you bought this hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, man, my head is huge. I'd like to get you a hat you could wear though. I would love one. I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna get some bigger hats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't get a lot of complaints, but I've had people say it.


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[Assistant] And I don't, you know, I'm not so rude to them, but that is kinda my... You, uh...


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[Assistant] It's not. I like that you say trunk though. That is how it feels though. It's like I'll do, you know, I go do comedy and then I sell out of my suitcase. Like it is like I'm a traveling salesman that's in a long pitch for my hat. It's been an hour long thing. And then I'm like, come get a hat. I'm out there with a cane.


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[Assistant] There's a couple of swans that hang out outside of the Lexington comedy off Broadway. They do, yeaah. I had no idea that was that pricey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the five golden rings might be the hardest just because people don't expect me to buy jewelry when I go into a jewelry store. That is for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The birds. They're like, yeah, I'll go tell this guy some prices.


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[Assistant] That's where you grab em. Yeah. I'll go, these are mine. They're part of my show.


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[Assistant] I heard it had really low users, like people aren't using the metaverse.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and even the term, I don't want to wait to be the next quarterback. It's like, well, it's not really a waiting game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know people that say that kind of stuff. I've been doing this 10 years and it's like, yeah, but you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, like there's this restaurant near my house. It's not fine dining, but it's pretty pricey and it's pretty nice in there. Uh, not in necessarily a nice area, but the restaurant itself is pretty nice, but then people come in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're just dressed so sloppy and I'm like, you really, you don't have to do a lot to look decent. And you're obviously got a little money because you know, it's not a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, fine dining, but it's, it's pricey. So you got a little money you're in there and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This brings the whole restaurant down because people, you know, you feel like you're like, Oh, I'm going to go out to dinner with my wife. You dress kind of nice and then other people are there and you know, and they're not looking good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the Outback is close to me, but that's, but no, they're, you know, it's a night. You've changed, dude. You've changed. You used to be that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, okay, and uh, well, we went to this, in Germantown, me and Hannah went to this restaurant one time, and we walk in, we were like, hey, we'd like to get a table for two, and they, they go, the restaurant was pretty empty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they go, well, we got, we can see you out here on the patio and we look up there and there's like four big tables and there's a couple at one of the tables. And I go, yeah, we'll take one of those tables. And they're like, well, we'll have to set you with that other couple at their table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a kind of like a community table, but I was like, nah, that's okay. And we left and I told my wife, I was like, they, they judged us, you know, cause they didn't think we were going to spend any money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we go to this other diner and they see this right away. They're like, get in here, you know, and we sat down and we opened the menu and we saw the prices and we go, let's get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, it was like, it was like a real moment of self-realization where we were like, okay.


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[Assistant] Do they get the job? I think a couple of them did, yeaah. They're good kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like I'm, I'm, I'm not about looking sloppy, but I'm, I never get, uh, I don't know that I've ever really owned a suit that was mine. Like I got some hand-me-down suits. They never really fit great, but I don't, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, once in a while I like, I went to Aaron's wedding and I got to dress up very nice. And that was a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or girls can be like, uh, to their friend, you look really pretty. And let me take a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But my wife's birthday is around Christmas and I, I usually, you know, I try to do a little better, but, uh. Our's birthday is, she's the 20th. It just doubled down? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two birds, one stone? Uh, the 23rd. Oh, you don't want to say it. No, the 23rd. Yeah. No, I don't want to say, I'm always...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's a thing with, like I feel like that I have the capacity for about four birthdays in my brain. And those are birthdays I memorized as a kid. And, and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's always a thing, like if I, if I have to, if I'm buying us a plane ticket or something, I got to put her birthday in and I go, I'll go and I'll check with her. And usually I nail it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said 21st and it's 23rd, but as I'm saying it, I'm like, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wichita is really great because the last time I went there, they were so just appreciative that I came there. They're like, people always skip us. That's what they said to me. And so they were so happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in, uhm, uh, this weekend I got a corporate gig, but then the next weekend I'm at, uh, Cincinnati at the Liberty Funny Bone. In fact, I just like that you told them that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you to our sponsor Viori for sponsoring Nate Land. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Vioriclothing.com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U S orders over $75 more on that later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You also gotta have a toilet in the middle of the room, so that the barber can walk around it. Like a circular bowl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. Very sad. I picture him an older man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather have a soda machine or a water fountain that makes Diet Pepsi? A water fountain. Like a water fountain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're both playing Jersey. They both play there. Well, speaking of getting, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how small it was. But crowds were fun. Anyway, so I'm leaving Fort Wayne and I'm like maybe a minute into the drive. The car just sounds horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I pull over, I mean, and I have one tire that is cartoonishly flat. I mean, it's not light on air, it's straight up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like it's been sliced. Yeah, yeah, it was awful. So, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're sitting there figuring out how to handle this. Turns out I had pulled over to stop in front of an armed security business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm outside like looking at it and this guy comes up, gun in his holster, he goes, can I help you gentlemen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I mean, now you can help me change this tire. He goes, just letting, and I explained the situation to him. He goes, just so you know, the cop, I called the cop. So this guy thought we were like suspicious out there in his front yard. The cops came, had to take to the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It took way longer than I would have liked. I mean, I had to figure out where the spare tire was. That took a long time. I don't know anything about cars. But then I went, I was like, well, this day is so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird the way it's starting. I was like, I went and bought $40 worth of Powerball tickets while I was there thinking my luck would change. It didn't. I didn't win. I would have led with that if I had. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's 2 billion. If it's 2 billion, I think it was like a 900 million dollar after that was the lump sum. And then you pay taxes on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lump sum of a 2 point, it was 2 billion dollars, the lump sum was 997 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let's say we don't, but let's say we lived in a state where you could claim the winnings anonymously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys take care of the gas station attendant that sold you the ticket?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the lady that sold me that she said, if you, if you win, give me, give me, give me 10 million. Right. But that's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's like, I'll give you a hundred grand or something. Yeah. Yeah. It's a polite thing to do. It's like tipping a server. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I think you would. I think it changes every relationship in your life overnight. I think so too. The dynamic of every relationship is totally different. And not only that, people resent you for that wealth because you didn't earn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just handed it, so people don't even like, respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we know a comedian. I don't want to say who, but we know a guy whose, his wife won the lottery decades ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they want a lot of money and he's just still just been a touring comedian. He's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I, I have to imagine that, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a comic at my level won millions and millions of dollars and just kept, it would be tough to get a feature spot. It would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get you better season tickets for the Titans. You know, I get you close down to the field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, just put some huge dude right in front of you. I would, I would set aside millions of dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there anybody currently? I got some linemen, some of the best linemen in the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all love our Viori clothing here. It really is some of the best stuff. It's very comfortable. It looks nice. You can wear it everywhere. Wear it to the airport. Wear it around the house. If you're doing, if you're running, if you're training, if you're doing yoga like me, you need to wear some Viori. It is a new outlook on performance apparel. Perfect if you're sick and tired of old traditional workout gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's so comfortable you want to wear it all the time. The website's very easy to order from. It's not cluttered or busy. Seriously, order something today. Viori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners. For Nate Land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not only will you get 20% off your first purchase, you'll also get free shipping


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[Assistant] On any U.S. order over $75 and free returns, go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori Clothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think I would be more immune to it than I even am now. I would go, yeah dude, I could, I could, I could buy you. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would show up to the podcast, but I'd have a crew with me. I roll it with an entourage in an escalator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still diet Pepsi, I'm still trying to stay healthy. Yeaah. Yeaah, would you get a trainer? That's the one thing, everybody who wins the lottery, 100%, they gain weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can do more West Wing references if we want. I can try to sneak more of those in, if the people are clamoring for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but I'll find some more tie-ins, just wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There he is. There he is playing young, young Joe Biden. He was only in his late sixties at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moana's way is a newer, it's a newer reference. It belongs from a long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had most of this album memorized. I used to perform this for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Family, family reunions and stuff. This exact out, my brother downloaded on LimeWire and I just, I wore it out, man. It's so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but this, this is a fun scapegoat for the more powerful people, right? They go, Oh, it was aunt Becky. And we all looked down there and they're up there still looking at her.


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[Assistant] But if I'm open, if I'm on another person's computer, I still go to Google. Cause it's the most intuitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's an anonymity focused web browser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. I had to be honest with myself. You were drinking beers legally when I was born. That was almost, yeah. Oh, cause it was still 18 at the time, right? Probably, right? I think it's a moonshot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you feel about that? I feel alright. I love not telling people my birthday. Yeah. Took it off Facebook. I got three texts yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From mom and dad, from one of my siblings, and then from my dentist office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple of them called later, but it was just like, yeah, back in the day when it's on Facebook, it's like, you're almost asking for it. Like just, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I get it. It's fun to only get the three. Yeah, I had a few.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who knew? My dentist, my parents and my brother. Yeah. They were on top of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know if this is what you were talking about. Astrophysicists may have solved the embarrassing problem of why there's so much less Helium-3 in the universe than predicted by standard cosmology. Maybe that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what Laura heard. What's going on with helium? There's a helium shortage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] MRI machines need liquid helium to super cool their magnets, but there's a helium shortage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever done the other, uh, sulf, what is it, the one that does the opposite, makes your voice really deep? Uh-uh. That one. Citrus? Like whip it? Yeah, it's not, not whip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's like, you're a man playing with children. Yeah. Pretty much hit puberty and you're going so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the last kind of unifying experience like that you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be ridiculous. It was funny how fast Rogan shot that down when he tried to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can also spring backwards as well, but just not very graceful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well in the book it's not a good thing that he can talk to snakes. It's not an admirable trait. It's something only bad wizards have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. He's good, but, uh, Valdemort, he's a horcrux, Valdemort. Why do they always


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Voldemort, they call him he who must not be named, or you know who.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he was so bad in this world that they don't even want to say his name. That's how bad it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the seventh book they place a trace where they can track down whoever says the name, but that's not until the very end. But it's just out of fear that they don't want to say his name because he terrorized the world so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, great question. I'd say any of those insects. Any insect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, it's ants because they, they live in these huge colonies and it's so organized and if they could talk to each other and they could talk, I mean, it'd be scary. And there's more than people. There are way more ants than people in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is just spiders. Imagine going out in your backyard and hearing hundreds of voices conversing with each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You find out it doesn't actually love you in the way you thought it did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in Memphis, Tennessee tonight at Lafayette's Music Room. And then this weekend, I'm in St. Paul, Minnesota at Laugh Camp Comedy Club. Next weekend, I'm trying to pack out the small room at Cap City in Austin, Texas. Thanksgiving weekend, I'll be at Cap City Comedy Club. Come on out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, what? It's a rat. What are you gonna do with that sloth thingy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I knew that, uh, they would retweet my stuff once in a while and I was like, well that's very nice of them. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think the day should begin at sunrise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think that, you know, yeah, exactly. But I think that, uh, it just doesn't, you know, it doesn't work with our system the way we, we have our work days. If you're just a farmer, you know, and you don't have to pay property tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in a system right where we gotta like go, we have to go to work and we have to, you know, we have to be on schedules. But if we were just living off the land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would just be easy to be, hey, a new day, a new day. We got a lot of people for that. Yeah. Yeah. It would be hard to do now. You need organization, but I do think that they used to do a new years in April, right? And then when they changed it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone that's still celebrated in April were called April fools.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's really how April Fool started? That's what they say. It's hard to find.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, it makes sense though, where did April Fool's come from, right? But then if you realize that the, the, the, some people say there even used to be a 13 month calendar and they eliminated a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, people always speak in like absolutes about history, like they really know what went down. So I like to be like, I don't know, but I've heard some things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I feel like I had heard something, and I didn't know who it was though, but I feel like it was an actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really take some of that everyday man vibe out of Woody Harrelson. Charles Harrison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would have been, I mean, they used to say that at shows and I would come out, Aaron is now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, people used to say that they'd bring me up to stage and I'm like, I bet when you heard that, you thought I'd be a much younger comedian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just had like a song of the year or something with uh, wait in the car where he beats up, supposedly beats up a guy abusing a woman, so he's probably like playing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I don't think it's autobiographical. I think it's, yeah. It's called like weight in the car or something. Weight in the truck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the song's about a girl, he sees a girl at a gas station or something and she's been beat up. So he drives to her house and beats up her boyfriend. Goes to prison for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you would say- That guy had one rough night, he may be in heaven now. Yeaah. We don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you don't want the air time for it, they would just show something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't get the comparison a lot, but people do say it sometimes. He has a white hat that he wears sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's YouTube for highlights for me. ESPN is all, it's all emotion now. Everything. It's always a story line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're always like, oh, this game means this to this guy because of this that happened to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Way back. And it's like, well, it maybe means something to him just cause he's an athlete and he wants to win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes. And Canada was great, by the way. I do love Canada. I've been to Toronto a bunch of times. Very nice. Uh, we went further north, very cold. Uh, it was great. And then, uh, Raleigh was, I did New Year's at Raleigh. I did a countdown. Uh, lots of people said, Hey to everyone here. Oh, hey. So, yeah. Oh yeah. Hey, a lot of hay bears. And, uh, they were pumped. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my daughter had a stuffed bear last night that she kept.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Saying hey to me with, so I was saying hey bear. To the bear. She kept going, she was holding it. She's a faint. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. We are always happy to partner with Athletic Greens. Got it right here. I think, yeah, we all had a little bit. I think all of us are trying to take our AG1 by Athletic Greens literally every day. I gave AG1 a try because I wanted to increase energy and immune system support.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I take AG1 in the morning before starting my day and it makes me feel like I'm gonna do something good for my body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is much easier to mix the one scoop of powder and water once a day than to take a bunch of different things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the healthiest thing you can do in under a minute and it costs less than $3 a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I also get a single serving travel packs, so I never have to miss a day when I am on the road. You can just mix the powder into ice cold water and drink it first thing each morning. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every scoop has 75 vitamins, minerals, which they say we don't get enough minerals. Everybody focuses on vitamins, not minerals. 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food source ingredients of the highest quality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That have major benefits like gut and mood support, boosted energy, and even healthier looking skin, hair, and nails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens has given you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go through athleticgreens.com slash Nate. That's athleticgreens.com slash Nate. Check it out.


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[Assistant] AG1. That's what this is. Hashtag AG1.


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[Assistant] Wow, that's the most positive one I've ever heard.


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[Assistant] He's got another one out. I don't get it. Auto. I just think that. Oh, he's got too many movies.


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[Assistant] I'm okay, I mean, I like old Tom Hanks, but like, Tom Hanks is in everything. It's like, it's too much. It's like, I don't need to see Tom Hanks every other day. And I also don't like-


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[Assistant] Tom Hanks was at the Ryman one time while I was there. I did a joke where I said I look like Tom Hanks. I look like Forrest Gump after he ran for a long time and I was told that he really enjoyed that.


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[Assistant] You know what? I think Tom Hanks is great, but they just try to make him like, the ultimate like, just good guy. I mean, he was very nice, but it's just like, I don't know, it's an ultimate.


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[Assistant] Who else would you say? I don't know. There's better people though, I think. Joaquin Phoenix. Robert Duvall. Robert Duvall. I love Robert Duvall.


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[Assistant] I just watched some movie on a plane about him on a, on a train. It was some bullet train is what it's called. It's great. I didn't even hear about the movie, but Brad Pitt's so great. Also Tom Cruise is great.


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[Assistant] Even like, people like, like character actors like John Turturro, uh, well I guess you would say.


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[Assistant] But he's never really done a successful bad guy. That's what I'm saying. I mean, show me bad guy Tom Hanks.


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[Assistant] Well, I don't know, I just don't know why we always assume that we're the dumb species of the universe. Like, we're like, oh, if aliens came here, they're just brilliant, man, and we're just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, we, Aaron posted a clip of that on his Instagram and we were taking a lot of heat. Oh my gosh. People were so mad at me for just thinking of this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they all act like they're just math experts and they're like, it's, and I don't even know what those things are, but I'm like, yeah, I'm just saying a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can divide. Yeah. Divide nine. Three, six, nine. There's some real stuff going on with those. Yeah. A lot of things are divisible. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we find out Big Bird was about eight foot? We did find that out.


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[Assistant] You know, that is good though. My credit card actually reached out to me the other day and they were like, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you make both of these charges? And it was like two different, like I, uh, Apple things or whatever. And I'm like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] I don't know if I bought both of these things or not. I could be subscribed to things that cost exactly the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happens this time of year. I mean, that's what in Canada, that's what they were doing. We were eating, eating, eating, and then it was cookies and cake and pie. And I love that stuff. I try to stay away from it real hard, but it's delicious. Yeah. It's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know anything about that. I hate Southwest boarding process, but very vocal about that. But, uh, I didn't, I did not know this was happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I hate that boarding process. With no other airline, you're not dealing with that. You're like, this seat's saved. I'm like, oh no, it says right here that that's my seat. Right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, this lady had all the seats saved for her kid, but they were all running around and I sat down and. Oh, this is like at the gate. One of those seats.


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[Assistant] And then she finally confronted me and then I was like, so I was like, well, there's no one sitting here when I came over.


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[Assistant] So then I got up and then we could like board. Yeah. And then they tried to cut in front of me and boarding and then they cut in front of me. They were like, and then I cut in front of them again. I mean, it was a, it was a thing. Yeah. But, and then I had to sit next to the lady on the flight. Really? Yeah. How? We just, that was our seats.


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[Assistant] Wow. I mean, it all, it all worked out. That's why in Southwest you could've got away from it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like I was sitting there and she had to come down and go, I'm, I'm in this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That lady looks like she's geared up to, uh, to argue with you, but I'm in for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cause they don't really have the guts to confront them in real life. So they take it to the internet where all their followers can back them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I complain about people all the time, but I don't, yeah, I wouldn't take their picture. No, this guy's verified to probably has a ton of followers. It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And some of the, you know, a lot of people that work at the airlines, it's so hard, they get yelled at all the time. Hardly everyone that's talking to a person that works in an airline is fussing at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you're rarely being like, Hey, great job guys. I'm just, I just want to let you know, I'm enjoying my flight today. Everything's wonderful. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I landed back from Canada. We landed and then we had to set on the plane for like an hour. And then when we got to the bags, we waited for like another two hour, hour and a half. I went to one of the guys that worked at the baggage. We had our baby and we checked our car seat. So I just talked to this guy. I was like, Hey man, you don't happen to have a car seat that I can just borrow. Do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was so nice, he found a car seat, let me borrow it, we ubered home, and then I drove back.


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[Assistant] But the, uh, but yeaah, I mean, I think, I do think it was like an old car seat that somehow no one ever picked up, but, uh, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever you got to use. Worked out great for me. That's what being nice.


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[Assistant] That's what I think. People just don't, sometimes if they're like, if their stuff doesn't come, they just go whatever and move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, like if you, yeah, if your stuff doesn't come or gets lost and you gotta fly home or you gotta fly somewhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a great business. It is a good business. Yeah. Yeah, that is a funny. I've never thought about it like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 and a half hours. I wanted to start, after an hour, I wanted to start a chant that said, let us off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like just let us off the plane and then we'll, I'll make my way back to the airport. Yeah. Just let me out of here. Yeah. I wanted to go, let us off. I was afraid people wouldn't, there was a guy playing the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A trombone. I was like, this is out of control here. Where's the guy playing a trombone? I would have probably filmed that. I think I may have got a little film of it. Just out of no reason? Well, yeah, they announced he was going to come up and play and he played a little song and I was like, all right, okay, great, great. But then after that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After we sat there for a little longer, he started playing again from his seat. And I didn't really mind it, but it was like, it's time to get off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time, one time something this. That's what Hannah was telling me. Like they used to, all these kids used to swim at this one place where she grew up. They used to swim. Like it was a big childhood thing for her. They all used to swim out there. It was great. Families would come. They had picnic tables and then a kid drowned out there one time and they wouldn't let anybody swim. And I'm like,


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[Assistant] It's like, that's a bummer, right? It's unfortunate that guy grew up.


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[Assistant] But don't take this away from us because that guy was a weak swimmer. You know what I mean? Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know, I just like, I think that is like, just let us swim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, you know, put, put a sign out, hey, people drown out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't be a weak swimmer. But you know, it's like, imagine being that family now, especially if you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other kids at school, like if that kid has siblings and now they're all like, oh, cause of your brother, we can't swim at the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know. That's the real tragedy in all this. Yeah, I'm just saying. The tragedy, you know, it's a big deal. Right. I get that. You know what I mean? Yeah, put a lifeguard out there. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, they pay. I mean, cause I don't want to ruin people's perspective of me, but if you fly a lot, the airlines will just give you things, right? So American airlines gave me an admiral's lounge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] membership. Yeah. So I could just go in there, right? And it's awesome. Yeah. And I don't even, I don't need it. People are not hounding me, but I'm like, I get free snacks. I get better wifi. I'm like, this is what I'm talking about. And it was just free. They were like, here, take this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean the airport, I mean, I, I boarded like on Thursday and then flew back on Sunday. By the time I came back on Sunday, this new bar had opened up where the Starbucks used to be. And it was just this awesome like wraparound bar. I mean, I don't drink. It's not going to do me any good, but I was like, this is awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean that's how I think they have some grocery stores like that now too.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause you would always go, why would anyone take that? Knowing, knowing what would happen. How would they even bring up to put in a chip?


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[Assistant] I'd be like, don't, I mean, I guess that's awful smell, but I'd be like, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty? You're about... I missed the first part of that question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what's happening, like the Toledo airport. Someone told me that they, they only have like two flights a day or something, but they, they said they keep raising the rates on the airline. So they're going to pull out too, like shutting down the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like movie theaters, apparently like all the ticket prices go to pay for the movie, like go to the studios. And then the only money that the movie theater makes is off popcorn and candy, which is why we pay 10 bucks a Coke. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy. The confidence.


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[Assistant] And then, but there will always be comic book characters, Goofus and Galant. It would be like, you know, Galant helps the old lady cross the street. Goofus pushes her down. You know, and it's like, it would be like just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it's like, uh, maybe don't name your kid Goofus and he won't be acting up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just, I just remember it from highlights magazines, Goofers and Galant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goofus doesn't even seem to have anybody to hang out with to eat that apple. He's all alone. Somebody's gotta take the last apple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check them out. Love to see you at a show. And I'll be at Zany's in Chicago all weekend. So pumped about that. And I think a couple of shows have already sold out. So we've added an extra show on Saturday at 4 PM show. So get some tickets and my YouTube channel. I got a lot of stuff. I'm ready to launch out to the YouTube. So, uh, subscribe to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, get rid of useless subscriptions with Rocket Money now. Go to rocketmoney.com slash Nate. Seriously, it could save you hundreds per year, guys. That's rocketmoney.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slash mate. Slash Nate. Are you wasting money on subscriptions? 80% of people have subscriptions they forget about. RocketMoney.com Slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm told, I remember people who would not buy Japanese made cars because of World War II.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was, uh, Jerry Glanville, football coach that would leave tickets at the game for Elvis. Oh, really? He would leave two tickets at every home game for Elvis just to come to the game and it was just like a thing he did. Who's that? Jerry Glanville? Yeah. I think he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a former football, I think maybe even coached the Wallers and the Falcons and, uh.


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[Assistant] And I think that's right, that he would leave tickets for Elvis at the game.


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[Assistant] Alright. I guess I got my guy wrong there. I thought it was NFL.


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[Assistant] Oh Dusty, I got a new conspiracy theory for you. Okay. I feel like you'll be on board, but I just heard this. So Tennessee has new license plates.


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[Assistant] So you can get, choose between one that says God we trust and one that doesn't. It's very small. But once you get it, the plates look different, like one has three letters and the other one has four and it's, the makeup's different. The conspiracy is the deep state's trying to separate us.


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[Assistant] People who, you know, believe in God who don't. Oh yeaah. Well that's not even a conspiracy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the ones that don't have it have three letters and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, four letters on the front and then three on the other side. Oh. That shows it the same, but that's not the case.


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[Assistant] These things are all linked. Of all those, yea, Taylor's was probably the shakiest one there. I'll shake it off.


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[Assistant] After we talked about that rancor thing for favorite or best clean comedian, at one time all four of us were at the top four. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] I think they think you're just trying to scam him. Like, let's get him by his oil here. Look at him.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it was, I feel like it was the nineties kind of when it took off.


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[Assistant] When you work at a, like, I worked at a TV station that has three shifts because they're open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I worked at the TV station that has three shifts, uhm, I mean, you wouldn't, if you worked, you would always see one shift, but you wouldn't, cause they would come in, there were some overlaps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But whenever I would change shifts, because I worked overnights, I worked mornings or days, and I worked nights, you would work all of a sudden people that had been there for years that you'd never known, and all of a sudden, you got a whole new group of co-workers, a whole new group of friends. Wow. Yea, the different world. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so basically we've had debates about can you call it we when you're talking about your team or whatever. In fact, the Kevin Nealon episode, we talked about that a little bit, but he's saying there's an actual term, uh, scientific term, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, guys. Are you wasting money? Just like that. Are you wasting money on subscriptions? 80% of people have subscriptions they forget about. I've got one. I've, uh, been paying, I think 20.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, you could be wasting hundreds of dollars each month on subscriptions, you don't need...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rocket Money. That's the app I love using guys. It takes care of me when I'm out there. It's called Rocket Money, formerly known as Truebill. The app shows all your subscriptions in one place and cancels what you don't want for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rocket Money can even find subscriptions you didn't know you were paying for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You may even find out that you've been double charged for a subscription. That's happened to me before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money today. Go to rocketmoney.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seriously guys, it could save you hundreds per year. That's rocketmoney.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He always calls and says, we need celebrity golfers to play this thing. And every year the same thing happens. I get out there and the group is so disappointed because obviously no one knows who I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every year, I'm not even the most interesting guy in our group. There's always someone who has something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you must be a good golfer then. And then I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you Google me, because they said they Google me, it comes up that I'm a musician. So they thought I sang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then they think, well, and cause it's always a bunch of great guys drunk, you know, just want to have a good time. They're like, well, that's okay. We'll just have some beer and have some fun. You ready for a cold one? I'm like, well, I don't really drink. And they're like, Oh God, this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're like, what is this guy? So making it even worse, the group in front of me, their celebrity, Larry the Cable Guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've never met Larry the Cable Guy. I see him standing there waiting to tee off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very unassuming, no one's bothering him, he's got his hat down, he's got his sunglasses on. So I go over to him.


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[Assistant] And he could not have been nicer. He was just incredibly nice and just.


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[Assistant] I'm like, I'm a big fan. He's like, I'm a big fan of yours. I mean, just so super nice. Could have been nicer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as often the case, with any celebrity comedian I make, I quickly name drop Nate. And I'm about to say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Nate and I were just talking on the podcast about how he says you're a good golfer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I say, Nate and I were talking on the podcast and before I could even say any more, he said, man, I'm a big fan of Nate's. Uh, I'd love to meet him sometime. And I'm like, oh, you've never met him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, no, I'd love to. I was like, you should be on the podcast. And he's like, I love that. He said this exchange phone numbers, you know, to make it happen. So we keep talking about stuff and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, you never met Nate? And he goes, no. And then somewhere along the way it kind of hits me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to be cool about, so I'm like, where'd you come in from? Because I know Larry the Cable Guy lives in Nebraska. And he's like, ah, I just came in from Ohio. So, but I'm thinking he could have had a show there last night. So then I said, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you got coming up next? Cause that's a common comedy thing. He said, uhm, he said, I'm going to the studio tomorrow. Uhm, so now I'm thinking, okay, it is somebody. Maybe, I still think it may be Larry the Cable Guy. I'm not sure. So we keep talking. And then finally it's time to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tf, so we separate. I immediately called Nate, and I was like, hey, you know Larry the Cable Guy, right? And he's like, oh yea, and I was like, well...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just told a stranger that, uh, you know, and Nate was like, you couldn't recognize one of the most recognizable faces in all of entertainment. And I was like, apparently not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. So the whole time out there the rest of the day, I now avoid this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I'm like, I don't even know who I'm talking to, but we're supposed to exchange numbers and set this up. It could still be Larry the Cable Guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I just avoid him the rest of the day, and I never see him again, and I get out of there. And then when I got home, I, uh, I texted Reno Collier and said, hey, who's the celebrity in the group in front of us? And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Cletus T. Judd. Oh yeaah. Who I've worked with many times and act like we're old friends because we are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know each other very well, uh, but somehow I got him confused. I must be the most racist guy in America. I can't tell two white guys apart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I was texting, yeaah. But we also talked out there. Cause I immediately went back to my golf cart and googled Larry the Cable Guy, Ohio. Hoping to find that he was there last night. But I couldn't find anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's the songs? Yeah, I don't know. I was just sent the screenshot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's an author. You were sent the screenshot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So the number one movie right now at the box office is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Black Panther Wakanda Forever comes out, so superhero movies are starting to take off a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Arthur Smith, the head coach of Atlanta Falcons dad has started FedEx.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that's Arthur Blank, the owner of the Falcons, but the head coach of the Falcons is a billionaire just from his dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, I think he was like governor or something when he saw it, or running for, this is like in the 70s, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Bozo, it's the number one clown, Bozo the Clown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. John Favreau was a clown and he'd never heard of Bozo the Clown. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And channel two news came and filmed it and, uh, at vacation Bible school, my teacher said, I saw you on the news and I mean, it made my year. Oh yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, maybe somewhere, yeaah. I'd love to see it. It's not clear, I'll tell you that. It's pretty blurry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what do you guys, what would you say is the most popular superhero in the world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would have said Superman, Spider-Man according to recent poll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm. Who's asking these polls? I know. Actually, I think this was Google search. Oh, Batman possibly too. Spider-Man was one, Batman two, Superman three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. So, yeaah. So originally Superman, well originally Superman was a villain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guys who created him was a villain, like a mad scientist. And then that quickly, they're like, you know what? Let's make him a good guy from another planet. And then they sold it to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sold it for $130 DC Comics for the right to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit, a little bit. They sued later on to get more money. So Superman at first could not fly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman, up on Scott, faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful locomotive, able to leap tall buildings, single bound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then this other competing comic book came along and they had Captain Marvel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the Captain Marvel. There's a Captain Marvel now. This is a different Captain Marvel. And he could fly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people started reading those comic books and they're like, this guy's even more powerful than Superman. So then DC were like, well, we're going to make Superman fly. So this kept going for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it got to the point where Superman was so powerful that people lost interest. Cause it's like, what's the point? He can do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could, you know, destroy planets with a punch. He could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, comics started to wane in like the 50s and 60s because nobody cares. Uh, Batman became more popular because he was a little bit more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Identifiable, I guess, in a way. And then, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marvel came along in the 60s and Stan Lee started creating characters that were more for adults, not just for kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's when Spider-Man came along and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to your point, the recent ones, they've gotten so dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there's no rescuing somebody from a tree or anything. It's just, let's get as dark as we can immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's Lois Lane, of course, but then on Smallville, there was Lana Lang, Sasko's sweetheart, Loris Lamaris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then Lex Luthor is of course his enemy. His enemy, yeaah. Cause your wife becomes your enemy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone who's played Superman, or at least up until recently, something really bad's happened to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] George Reeve who played it on the TV show, uh, he committed suicide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chris Reeve of course was paralyzed and died. Uh, some other people had...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. So we talked about on a previous episode, he died in a battle with Doomsday. And then of course they brought him back. When he came back, he had a mullet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That what, like in real life, what happened to him? He committed suicide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Hulk, they just kept making him stronger and stronger and stronger to the point where no one cared because it was ridiculous. There was World Breaker Hulk where...


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[Assistant] He would just take a step and the earth would crack in half and stuff like that. And people are like, what's the point? It became so ridiculous that it wasn't even fun. That's what I think are great about the Marvel movies. They all like, they all have a weakness of some sort.


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[Assistant] Well now there's a, uh, the Superman comic book. His son has taken over. Jonathan.


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[Assistant] And uhm, so he's come out as bi, and the things now he fights is he combats wildfires caused by climate change, he stopped a high school shooting,


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[Assistant] And he protested the deportation of some refugees from Metropolis.


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[Assistant] But I mean, that's him just like saying I'm taking over the world and breaking these laws. And that's not Superman.


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[Assistant] Oh, honors the government. But this is John Kitt.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not saying Clark supports it. Clark's probably, like you said, he's rolling his eyes. Lois, this is your son. I guess I'm just saying, if I'm a protest.


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[Assistant] There's now, uh, I guess there was just a movie, an animated movie about super dogs or super pets. And Superman had a dog, Crypto.


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[Assistant] Right, but he's got a cape. For the purpose of the dog, I'd say he's right. There's a lot of superheroes who wear capes though.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it didn't make a lot of sense but...


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[Assistant] Bankrupt and Michael Jackson tried to buy them so he could play Spider-Man.


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[Assistant] But they, uh, I guess they figured a way to stay afloat and not have Michael Jackson buy Marvel. Because he was going to take his own spin on Spider-Man for sure.


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[Assistant] And all the villains that they all fought all came back too.


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[Assistant] I think so, probably so. I mean, they can just do whatever, but, uh, yeah, if you want to bring somebody back, just change the timeline of history. And maybe in the first Superman of Christopher Reeve, Louis Lane died.


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[Assistant] Yeah, probably warm out. I think maybe he wasn't supposed to do that. Like the big


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[Assistant] They came out back to back. There's a two parter there.


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[Assistant] They're great if you committed to the whole 19, uh, movies or whatever, Marvel movies, whatever it was.


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[Assistant] There's some real life superheroes, uhm, oof, there's a guy, uh,


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[Assistant] In, uh, Seattle. Phoenix Jones. And he's a mixed martial arts guy and he walks around in a superhero costume and he polices, uh, polices Seattle.


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[Assistant] I like that. What did he do? Does he still do it? I think he maybe, uh, they've, they've, police have convinced him to stop doing it because he was just causing more trouble. Making too much progress.


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[Assistant] No, I think he's the guy in Orlando, but maybe I didn't say it to you. There was a guy...


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[Assistant] Well, that guy's in Columbia, Tennessee. Columbia's got one. Oh, really? Yeah.


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[Assistant] But anyway, he just walks there. So there's, there's a lot of towns that have- How are we just breezing over this?


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[Assistant] What laws would they, I mean, you'd have to have some major insurance.


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[Assistant] The most people died in these buildings. And then Batman vs Superman, the next one, there's a guy who got paralyzed from their fight, if I remember correctly.


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[Assistant] Probably so. And they were multiple. They went to Congress, right? Try to stop Superman because he's causing damage.


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[Assistant] Matt Damon, he's been rescued from another planet three times and I think they said it would cost like a trillion dollars to do that.


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[Assistant] Wow, Martian and- Martian and then Interstellar and then there's one other movie. He might be a good- Is he in Interstellar? Or is that-


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[Assistant] I think he said turn over Superman or we're gonna destroy your planet. Wasn't that his message to Earth? Yea, he just wanted Superman.


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[Assistant] Well every time these superheroes show up, right after there's a supervillain shows up. So, you're right back where you started.


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[Assistant] I think I read one of these cities, either Metropolis or one of those superhero cities, they have like a insurance for the city. I got a superhero who lives here, so we're just going to have a hundred billion dollar insurance policy or something like that.


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[Assistant] What citizens agree to pay, uh, the taxes, whatever it is to cover it?


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[Assistant] Go to casino. So some unsuccessful superheroes that never took off.


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[Assistant] This guy, uh, carried trained bees in his belt, and he would turn them loose. His favorite bee was named Michael, and he would turn them loose.


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[Assistant] I have a bee named Michael. Even in his real life.


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[Assistant] He was the assistant district attorney, not even the district attorney.


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[Assistant] And he was eventually killed by some Nazis, so. Wow. That took a turn.


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[Assistant] This was a TV series that lasted for a while. He would go up against deadly sinful enemies and he would


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[Assistant] How many seasons is that? 19 seasons. Oh my gosh. That's hard to say that was unsuccessful. Wow. Yeah, you're right. It was, uh, the longest running shows on TV history.


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[Assistant] I look to some videos on YouTube. It's very cheesy, but they know it's cheesy, so they're not trying to... It's tongue and cheek. Yeaah, they're not trying to act like we think.


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[Assistant] He wanted to fight crime, but uhm, he didn't, he doesn't have any real super heroes power, but he's a good fighter. So he thought if he dresses up as a woman, then it'll be unassuming. That's his superpower. He surprises them as an old lady.


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[Assistant] And then they say, oh, look at this old lady. And then he like punches them. They're like, that lady packed a punch.


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[Assistant] So they, uh, you've probably heard, if you could have one superpower, flying or being invisible, which one would you choose? They did a poll. Scientists did some research.


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[Assistant] I would choose invisibility and then I wouldn't think about my nose muscle.


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[Assistant] L-E-A-D-E-R-S. So they say I'm a leader? This is like some Forbes poll or something.


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[Assistant] 72% chose flying. They want to be seen, they want to get stuff done. More followers chose invisibility.


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[Assistant] Yeah, company executives and then lower level people.


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[Assistant] How hot is your piss? Yeah, that's what it's saying essentially, yeah. Perjorative. What was that?


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[Assistant] If we had our own superpower, what would it be?


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[Assistant] I was thinking about you, Dusty. I think every time you raise your hand, we're having a good time, something happens.


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[Assistant] You know, there's a guy in India that's had his arm raised for almost 50 years. Wow. To honor his God.


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[Assistant] Really? Yeah. He's like, I want to do it just to honor my God. And he's, he's held it up for almost 50 years.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I read one recently where he's like doing it for 50 years. Wow.


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[Assistant] So yeaah, we got yours picked out. Aaron Galtman.


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[Assistant] Well, like in the matrix, you could just program your brain to do it.


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[Assistant] Not only speak it, but even the jokes themselves would make still make sense.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was on, uh, Netflix. Yeah, and he's pretty jacked. Luke Cage. Yeah, but he's not like, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess he is pretty big. I guess, I mean, I guess Superman is not jacked. He's big, but he's not like Hulk.


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[Assistant] So Marvel had the Avengers and then DC did Justice League and, uh, one of them was The Flash.


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[Assistant] But then in it, Superman racism is basically a tie.


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[Assistant] So then you're like, well, why do we need the flash then? You can't do anything. He's just a fast guy. We already got Superman. Nothing. Superman could do pretty much all of them.


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[Assistant] That's the X-Man. That's, uh, Professor X. That's what he does.


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[Assistant] They don't really fly, they kind of bound and leap a little bit. Enough. Enough. You get around enough.


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[Assistant] I tell you real fast, some really bad villains that didn't work out. The Living Eraser. I like that. The guy went around and just erased things causing chaos. Uh. Like buildings? I think you could erase whatever. Yeah. Just whatever needs to be done. Oh, people.


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[Assistant] Uh, asbestos lady, this is before people knew asbestos was bad. So that was her, her skill. And then.


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[Assistant] And then they found out that asbestos is deadly and can kill you, so they, uh, they diagnosed her with lung cancer.