[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're like, shit, there were people building pyramids in ancient Egypt when this coral was just a little nubbin' on a rock. And now here it is, four thousand years later, this majestic coral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, we're just, we're the scratch on the surface of life up here on the surface. Most shit is happening in the ocean, deep down. And it's like, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of fucking people consider themselves business people or entrepreneurs and what it means is I'm a bit of a wide boy and I've, I sold a few used cars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've got my nose in a few shitty businesses that are gonna crash and burn like most businesses do. If you were a fucking businessman, and you were as good as you say, why aren't you out there doing it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you want a fucking TV show with Alan Sugar? Why don't- I mean this- they should go on there and be like, this is what I wanna do, and I've got some big ideas, but I haven't got the capital to get it started, and I need some guidance and experience, and I really wanna do that, and I think you'd be a good guy to work with. But second of all,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fucking Amstrad was the worst. My mate had one. It was like a shameful thing to have the Amstrad CPC as opposed to the Spectrum or the fucking Commodore. Commodore 64 was the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they, it's all set-top boxes for like digital TV and satellite TV. A lot of those were made by Amstrad. And they fucking suck. If you've, if you've owned...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of those set-top boxes a few years ago that crashed all the time, didn't fucking work, miserably slow menu, horribly small hard drive, probably made by Amstrad. They're just junk. It's junk. And he says as much. He says, I just make


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he's the absolute rags to riches tale, right? But the thing is, I don't know why you'd want to work with him. That's all I'm saying. I'm a self-made man, brilliant, go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not a character, it's just him. But it's, it's so, he's so, he's one of those guys, the problem with it, with people who've done that self-made, I had enough and I know who I am, is they never stop fucking telling you about it. Like they're fucking obsessed with how successful they are and how fucking great they are and you should suck their dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, they all, all those guys are real guys. Yeah, yeah, I didn't, I didn't realize. My mom watched it, she said, oh, I hadn't thought about those names in years, but yeah, they really, like, Richard Speck, like, that was a big one. Yeah. Like, I kind of feel like it's, it's really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the things they said was that the nature of those crimes is a reflection of some change in society. I don't know if it was in Mindhunter, if it was an article I read about Mindhunter, and about how-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so it's gonna be, I'm gonna be driving down like 8 o'clock or something like that, so I'll get down there pretty late. Cause I gotta wait for Mrs. F to get home and then I'll load up the car and everything and off I go. So that should be great, cause sometimes driving to Bristol is, is wank, like it's just busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what I used to do, when I, when, when Babi Flax was, was a tiny Babi, and we, we were having the loft redone so we'd have somewhere to put her, uhm, the house was complete, completely torn apart by the, the, the work that was being done, and Mrs. F was on maternity leave so she took


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tiny babby flax and lived down in Bournemouth for like three or four months or something like that. And I stayed up here working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think it was like three months. So I've stayed up here living in like the building site of our house. And when I finished work, I finished work at about midnight and I would drive straight down to Bournemouth in my Saab 9-3, which was just the best car I ever had. And I would be able to drive down in like an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flap. Like just foot to the floor, all the way down, and I, the only thing I would see is trucks, like postal trucks. That's it, just carrying the post. Not a single other car. And that spoiled me, because now that's all I expect. Every time I get in the motorway, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, in those days I drove much too fast. I went on it, I got caught speeding one time, unsurprisingly, when I was down in Kent and they pulled me over and they, like I was driving along at like 40 because I thought it was like country roads but I was still in the town by like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half a, half a mile that the speed limit stayed. Because there were houses behind this big row of hedges. You couldn't see the houses because of the hedges.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using the laser weaponry that I've got here, detected you going at 40 miles per hour, in what is a 30 mile per hour zone. Now I'm cautioning you, and I was like, yea alright, I said yea, well I did it, I fucking admit, it was me, I was driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they made me go on a course. Oh, did they? They said you can either have three points on your license and a fine, or you can pay to go on an anti-speeding course. And I was like, well, fucking go on the course then. So I had to go, it was like a full three or four day course in Ealing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Mrs. F had to take a week off work, cause like, it was right in the middle of the day. Oh god. So she took a week off, I had to go to this course, it was a pain in the arse to get to, and you have to sit there in this classroom for like two hours, like for three or four days a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're the ones, it's that, or those older guys especially, doing the fucking drink driving. Oh, I've been doing it my whole life and it's no problem. My dad used to do it, and like, no problem. We'd go to the bar and I'd say, how are we getting back? He's like, I'm just gonna drive. I was like, you've had like four beers. He was like, everybody does it around here. It's like, what else are we gonna do, get a cab? And they were like, ha ha ha, laughing. I was like, please, yes, let's, let's do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's how they are. Like the older guys are like, I'll speed if I want, I'll drink drive if I want, who the fuck are you to tell me? But he said the safest drivers we've got are young people. Like young people 17 to 24, 25 are much, much safer statistically than older drivers with all these fucking years of experience. Which I thought was really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not necessarily drink driving, but things like skidding, taking a corner fast than they should, not re- not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Responding to stuff that's happening, uh, like stuff like that, those might be accidents caused by younger drivers, but a lot, lot less of them are speeding, hardly any of them are drink driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just thought it was really interesting. Like he was literally saying, you are the fucking guys who've been caught speeding right here. He said, this is not an uncommon sample. It's almost all older people getting caught. It's not all these younger kids. They're not the ones driving like maniacs. I thought it was really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fact our roads are much safer, younger people have been brought up with this whole culture of you do not drink and drive, and alcohol is the number one fucking cause, I think after tiredness, or it's tiredness, alcohol then tiredness, tiredness then alcohol, one of the two, of accidents, right? Drinking is a fucking disaster when it comes to driving. So, when you're driving down the motorway, you'll often see like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caravan at the start of the road that's had an accident or a car's gone into the back of another car or whatever. But that's, that's more like traffic rather than bad driving. That's just fucking too many cars on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's just not paying attention. That's, that's the problem. Whenever I go to the States, I see fucking, oh my god, one time we were driving to the airport, it was raining so bad, visibility was about 10 meters, alright? Just rain was that heavy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With 2.8 deaths per 100,000 to our 2.9, so it's pretty fucking close. The number one safest place in the world to drive?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I don't understand, right? I can't, if I'm an employee or even a self-employed like I am in this country, I cannot just say, hey, uh, my business is located in the Cayman Islands. So anytime I get paid anything, you know, I'm working at McDonald's. Oh yeah, please forward my check to my bank in the Cayman Islands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, why should I not be able to benefit from that system as well? If everybody did it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be fair, but there'd be no tax paid. So, the fact that these massive companies, wait, I mean, Apple is, by the way, the richest company in the fucking world. Still not enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the other argument is that rich people pay most of the tax in this country. They do. Of course they do. Because it's percentage based. Exactly. But I think it's like 70% of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it is. You're right. It is. And I think that should change. I think it should change. But the thing is, the reason these papers are important, my mates were like, how is this news? And like Sip said, it's an open secret. Everybody knew it already. You know, everybody knew people were hiding money offshore. But now that we can name them and actually say, point to them and say, it's that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pressure. They DOES put pressure on people. And eventually, as names start to come out, we can actually really examine this and, and, you know, once it becomes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm wondering if, do you remember that episode for the Fallout Boy episode of The Simpsons? Where the editor says, it's alright, we can do it all in post. And he cuts it all together and there's a shot where he goes, I think they are creeping up on us Fallout Boy. And it cuts to a shot of Millhouse just in a normal room, sitting on a stool. He just goes, yes. Like is that gonna be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but is it right? That's the question. Is it right? It's not right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys see, you know, you know this Priti Patel, right? The cabinet minister, I think she was a foreign minister, right? Or a minister for foreign development or something. She goes out, she's done this thing, uh, that she shouldn't have done where she had these meetings without revealing them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, you know, essentially she was having meetings as a minister of the British government without telling the British government she was having these meetings. That's a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's on her way back, she's gonna be fired when she gets home, cause she's on holiday or something, she comes home, she's at the airport, there's fucking a billion press camped out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, they're all shouting, put your arms around the big fight! Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. She gets in a car and they're driving it straight to number 10 to get fired by Theresa May, no doubt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna have live shots, we're going out live to our chopper in the sky over a motorway watching a car. I mean it's fucking ridiculous. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Ronson wrote a book about it, didn't he? John Ronson's book, So You've Been Publicly Shamed. That's very interesting. Which is about exactly what you're talking about. So, if people are interested in it, read that. This has been going on for over an hour, my friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's catch the bad guys. Let's catch the bad guys and not tar all the regular folks, I think would be a nice thing. Oh, by the way, one final thing. You guys, you've watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, right? Oh yea. Right, you know Larry David's friend Jeff, his chubby friend Jeff, right? That's his name, is it Jeff? My mum thought that was Harvey Weinstein.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the lead up is gonna be 99.1, 99.2, 99.3 all the way to YodCon and then the 100th episode will be very special because it'll be recorded live in front of 5 people at YodCon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think to celebrate 100 episodes we should rebrand. At episode 100. So we'll just call it something totally different with all new branding and we'll get some cool sponsorships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we'll get some, we'll get some new Patreon stuff, like we'll just completely revamp it for the 100th episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, we cover most of those things on a weekly basis though. That's why I'm surprised we haven't. Yeaah. In our own special way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my second, my second bullet point is I intensely hate women as well. So I was hoping that we could, you know, those are two things that I'm up for talking about at length this week if you guys are also up for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple of things to weigh in on in the realms of hair, but I don't know if me and flax have much to offer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Falling into maybe the same trap as Game of Thrones with like this just crazy amount of hype leading up to the end or well, it's not even really the end, but it's just like something special that might not be able to live up to all of the hype that we generated around it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, thanks so much. And thanks for all that continuing influx of images of people en route.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guy was working in a metal shop. Like, uhm, this big, fuck it. Yeah, it's like, uh, like, I guess, making, making pieces of metal or something? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. This was like, uh, I don't know. It was like, it looked like some sort of foundry or something. It was, it looked interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not service oriented and they don't do crunches and stuff, so people don't tend to walk out from them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my favorite first world problem. My hand is too big to reach to the bottom of the Pringles tin. That's the best one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like that time Kramer had those Cubans rolling up pancakes in Seinfeld. Remember that? Fuck me, that was funny. It was a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like a lot of British, uhm, British sort of like territories where they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do I want to go to jib? Hit the jib. So is it jib or is it gib?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta save them all up now, Lewis, for YogCon. I forgot. Yeah, we're gonna be doing the 100th, the official 100th episode live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've thought about, I've thought about Tupes quite often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When your hair is like thinning as well, your head burns very easily when you're in the sun. You have to be very careful. There's nothing worse than getting a sunburnt head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so weird about sunburn, isn't it? It's like where it burns, it retains the heat of the sun for days and days and days. Like your skin is hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I do that, like if I get a sunburn on my arm, and I can feel my skin super hot, and then if I run it under cold water, my skin is still super hot, like underneath the cold water. Yea, what's going on there? I don't know, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if it would actually. I think, I think it's one of those things you just power through. You don't do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must have blown up from me outside. That's the system they use in a little place I like to call Mexico City. Their entire sewage solution or whatever. I guess it's an old one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it receives all liquid waste. It doesn't matter where it's from. So it's like residential, commercial, industrial, hospital. It all goes into the same place, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this, so, so the solution is every time this thing gets blocked up or gummed up or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got like two or three- for the entire city, okay? Like there's fucking millions and millions of people living in- there's like two or three-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Train-certified like shitdivers, basically, who...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they go down there and the visibility is just nothing. There's just like big logs of shit floating around like and stuff. So this guy goes down and there's a blockage. He comes up. The thing that was blocking it this time...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I'm pretty sure that parts of it are sinking though, cause then they have like a, they had like a school building collapse not long ago, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's prone to like a lot of sinkholes and stuff. I might be wrong though, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an interesting place, it's really big. But uhm, but the biggest, the biggest city on earth is now Tokyo. It has like 38 million people living in it or something like that. Tokyo was really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. I've been watching this show on BBC One, I think it is, called Earth from Space. Man, it's really interesting. It's awesome. It's like all these pictures of Earth from Space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a plane. What a, what a marvel of engineering that thing is. Holy crap. It's huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm there. Yeah, I know, I noticed last time we were in Bristol, you do watch a lot of YouTube. Like every time, every time you had any downtime, you were just sitting at a desk watching YouTube videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, you know, it wasn't bad, it was uhm, it was, it was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was too predictable. Cause everybody knows all the Motley Crue stories. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the, all like the old, like, like, you know, big rock band tales of, um, you know, partying and cocaine and well, heroin, heroin. My God. Holy geez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of, so a lot of heroin in there. So much heroin in the dirt. Turns out, yeaah. Uhm, but it was pretty good. And then, uhm, and you know what I started watching recently, which is fucking awesome, and I don't know why it took me so long to get around to watching it, because I really liked, uh, season one and season two of, uh, Twin Peaks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did a season three 25 years after, right? And it's fucking really good. It's really, really good. Uh, I think I'm on episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six or something, but there's like 17 episodes. So it's a, it's a big long thing, but it's just a continuation of the weird and wacky story of Twin Peaks. But it's, it's super fucking good. It came out, I think like two years ago or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, it's, uh, I highly recommend it if you like, if you like David Lynch stuff and you like, if you, and you like Twin Peaks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in Twin Peaks, yeaah. If you watched it when you were like young in your teens or whatever, I'd recommend watching it again now just to get like a better idea of like, the story's pretty neat. I think the, I think like the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how to really explain it. I think the thing I like the best about it is the sort of, the David Lynch sort of style of presenting a story but leaving it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Open enough for interpretation, not really spelling everything out so that you're interested enough to seek out more but it's not too far one way or the other sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeah, it was like, it was interesting up until the storylines just fizzled out or just, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a couple of shows that are weird, like Lost I really like the idea of, but it just got really silly in the end and I just couldn't watch it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Parts of it just got, just felt a bit weak and I, and I, I didn't, I just stopped watching it. And then there's this other show that I watch called The 100. No way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really like the idea of it. I like the setting and the theme and stuff. Is that like six seasons of it? Yeah, well the sixth season is being aired now and I just finished watching the fifth season because I just waited for it to be on Amazon Prime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of those stories about human nature being really shitty, but then you have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess Game of Thrones is different in that way because it does kill off a lot of characters. Like, I mean, how many, how many, like, big characters were killed off throughout Game of Thrones?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' hundreds, right? But, you know, like some shows will never kill off a main character, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a show like Game of Thrones will kill off a lot of main characters, and I think it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With them, their storylines and like, in a lot of cases, like their families and like their interesting families are just sort of like left to the dust as well. You never hear about them again because they're no longer relevant or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a huge thing. There's like two episodes left and then it's done. I'm kinda looking forward to it being done, just to get the closure and then move on with my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think overall it's been a really good series. Like I think even, even with the, you know, like the most recent episode and maybe the last like two seasons or so being viewed as like weaker seasons or whatever, I still think overall it's a fantastic show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, he's gotta go check on his, uh, on his prize collection of, uh, the Bill DVDs. Just all this talk that Bill's got him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife doesn't want to have a, uh, my wife doesn't want social media accounts, right? Like she doesn't want to be on Facebook, she doesn't want to be on Twitter or anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So listen to this, the other day I was in the kitchen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the kids were listening to some music on Alexa, right? I can't remember what song it was, but it had a really great bass line. And I was doing like this air bass, but it was like, it was kind of like, uh, doing like Elaine Bennis's dance from, uh, from Seinfeld, you know, that episode where she does this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing this like stupid like dance like with this like air bass guitar and stuff and I knew the song


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, and then the song ended and we were all like, oh, that was great, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, perfect, whatever. And then my wife just sort of gave me this look and I was like, what, what's up? She's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I just realized? And, and, and it's kind of weird. I was like, what? She's like, you pay the fucking bills around here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you need a life, you need some sort of life coach, I think, Lewis. You need somebody who's gonna like, just, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but the way that they make those microproteins is incredible. Like, it's food conjured out of nothing. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like, uhm, have you ever played, uh, Oxygen Not Included? Yeaah. You know that, you know like the mush bar, uh, machine? Yeaah. Where like that, you know, it makes like a bar of mush and it just sort of like poops it out of the machine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like that. It's like, it's, it, it, the process is incredible though. Holy shit. It's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just little tiny bacterias that they put into, uh, like a petri dish and they just grow and grow and grow and grow and grow and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just have this way of exponentially growing it and then they just create like tons and tons of this stuff and then they just like cook it and flavor it and make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make it taste like meat. It's fucking incredible. And it comes from nothing. It's like a little, it starts off as a little fucking tiny bacteria like, like microscopic and then, and then just grows into like these, these weird foods. You can get steaks, you can get sausages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get burgers, chicken nuggets, all of their favorites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea. I don't think they feed it anything. I think it's just, it's just a combination of, of like a temperature and fucking water or something. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put it into like one of those little like things that looks like a fridge, but you know, they can set the temperature exactly. And that's like the ideal growing conditions for it or something. It's like, they don't think they feed it anything. They get just, I think it just grows. It's like, it's, it's like, uh, it comes from like, uh, like a mushroom. It's like, like a tiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I felt like there was enough hype leading up to what should have been a hundred today and now we're adding another layer of hype. We're never going to be able to live up to this. It's just going to be disappointing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we can take pictures of where we do the live podcast and send them to people on Twitter and say, this is where I'm watching you from. And then we can be like, well, this is where I'm podcasting from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, what do you do? Do you go home and have a nap before? Because it's a Thursday, right? You take your kids to school, come home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He always makes you feel bad though, right? Cause he's always like, he always has some comment about how humans are so terrible and like treating these animals bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess he's a bit like Bruce Forsythe in the sense that he probably won't retire, he'll just pass away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. In the middle of filming a documentary. Exactly. It would be pretty sad, but. It would be like, fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poor D.A. Poor fucking D.A. Yeah, poor D.A. Poor D.A. Poor D.A. Why is he called that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Darkwing Duck was called DD, and uh, what was that? DW. Who was DW? No, DW was another duck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they called him, they called him DW, but I can't remember what duck it was now. Let me just get on with it. How many ducks were there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I was talking to my wife about this the other day and she was like, oh I cleaned your keyboard the other day. Oh my god, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, yeah, no, it wasn't too bad. And I was like, oh yeah, no, I guess it wouldn't be because I'd never eat food near my computer. I used to always when it was in the house, but now I never take food out there. So I don't have like any grimy hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To befoul my computer keyboard with, so, so it's pretty clean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get those like, I remember when I used to play WoW and I used to eat Cheetos at my keyboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I had like those congealed horseshoe shapes of like cheeto cheese. That was actually you, you were one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They tend to dress up as birds or foxes in my experience. And cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But their costumes are always very sort of big and elaborate. They're always very clean. You'd imagine they're like probably sweaty. Very well turned out. Sweaty in there for like sexual reasons, but also it's probably just really hot. They wear nappies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't understand that. Like, I think when you go for a poop...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's on board. Everyone's on board. No one is disagreeing with that. No ditto, nothing. We're getting rid of this waste. We're not going to get horny because of this waste or anything. We're just getting rid of it. And that's that. No, the dick has been contacted. He's like, I'm not interested. The dick is like, you know what? I've got no investment in that. Not our department.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys watch any ASMR or have you ever? Only unintentionally. Unintentionally, okay. Do we know if there's any ASMR that revolves around people like an adult wearing a crinkly diaper? I'm sure there is. And the sound of the crinkling triggers your ASMR?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's take a topic from chat. Oh yeaah, okay chat, hit us with a topic. No, no diapers, pooping, boners from pooping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No ASMR, we've covered it all already, so it has to be something new. Uh, Warhammer? Anybody? No? No. I, I, I give literally minus ten fucks about Warhammer. Minus ten? Blizzcon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need brand new stuff. Yeah, we need some brand- somebody hit us with something that's just gonna blow us away. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about, ASMR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I detest going outside, so I didn't prepare at all. I didn't get anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was just like, I'll wear anything, I don't mind, but. So mine is not ugly, I have a really, really good one. I need a haircut, I haven't had a haircut in a while. We can sort you out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just, I'm, I'm just, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm letting go. You're a hard working dad. I'm letting go. I'm just, you know, complacent, very complacent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that would be something we could talk about, the awkward conversations that you have with your barber. Cause they're always, they're always super awkward aren't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're from different worlds. They start off the... I think that, I think that, uh, barbers and hairdressers are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, that's what, that's what they say. And then you're like, yeah, I went to Africa. And they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never guess where I went. And then you have to listen about their fucking vacation for however long it takes for you to get your hair cut. And you're like, well I went somewhere better than that actually, let's talk about that. But no, you have to talk about their stupid vacation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay, what are you, 12? Like, you've been on vacation once in your life? You fucking, you have to tell everybody about it? Like, I heard the same conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I, cause I'm not like you with your personal trainer. I don't, I don't want to talk about too much. Yeah. I don't want to get in. I just like grin and bear it, you know, just get through it. And I figure, you know, this will be done in like 15 minutes and then I can just carry on with my life. I don't need to like pick a fight with this person or, or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you can go get a beard trim. No. Come on. What about like a manicure or pedicure? You can go to like one of those, those guys that, that do, do you like an old fashioned. They'll do me like a what? They'll do like the old fashioned thing. Oh no, no. I never clipped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why aren't I in YouTube Rewind? Good question. Why the fuck am I not in YouTube Rewind? Over the past year I had some real standout moments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess yeah, on Sips Live. What about, what about when we played, uhm, what was that game? Kingdom Come Deliverance. And we had the sex scene. That should have been on, on YouTube Rewind. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sips, sips reacts to bare tits in a video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about an Elvis wig? I think you'd suit an Elvis wig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It is really- Watch the rewind. Close. How long is the rewind chat? We ain't gonna watch the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could watch it, but if it's long and stupid, I don't want to watch it. If it's like a minute long, we could watch it. If it's eight minutes long. Fuck off. Eight minutes long of what? Well, you know how much we're worth? Eight minutes? We're never gonna get that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, are they gonna actually pay us to watch this? If they paid us, I'd do it, but I ain't gonna watch it the other way. I mean, I love money, so. We love money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so which is the most disliked video? Who are all those people on the front? It's one of mine, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pewdiepie, T-Series, Shane Dawson, KSI, Logan and Jake Paul, Comedy Shorts Gamer, Joe Weller, Colleen Ballinger, Joe Sugg, and Louis Brinley. And so, so many more. So you weren't on there either, Louis. What the hell? You're like the king of YouTube. Well, at least that's what I told my son anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So why are we watching it though, chat? What is the... It's just terrible. What is the hard art for watching it? Because you guys know that none of us watch this stuff in the first place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, because of how big he was on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woooo! He does toy reviews. Holy crap. That was my son. He just turned seven. He does toy reviews on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little channel called, uh, what's the name of the channel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now there are some, now there are some sharks here with not only hair but other things. Funny human teeth as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, this is like out of Red Dead Redemption 2 here, look. Oh I see, that's what your character looks like. You got, you got Trump's hair here. You got this dolphin with Trump's hair, I think. This guy's got a shark shaved into the back of his head, that's kinda cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it sort of drops off a bit and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing to do with sharks with hair at all anymore, but the top results are pretty damn good like this one here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's another one that my kids listen to all the time, like, I, I, I think they change the, like, Baby Shark they change the lyrics to sometimes too, right? It's one of those songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this one that my kids listen to and it's so annoying. It goes like, I think it's like, I think the one they listen to is Snowflake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be Snowflake. I can never like quite hear it, but it goes, Snowflake, Snowflake, snowflake, and it just goes on like that forever. It never stops. Like they have like the 10 hour edition of this and it goes on and on and on and on. It drives me crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People wanna watch. It's called Little Snowflake. Little Snowflake. Put it on right now Lewis. Little Snowflake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Donald Trump already looks like different to when he first started though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's more orange now. He was, he was always a little bit orange. Just imagine getting elected and being like, okay Mr. President. He's even more orange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all, we're so well trained on this podcast. Lewis has yelled at us so many times for, for things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ronnie Pickering. Who's Ronnie Pickering? Oh, you remember Ronnie Pickering? Ronnie Pickering. You remember him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somehow, I think I saw that. That was like kinda recent they showed that footage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what is, what is legitimately the highest viewed video on YouTube? Is it still, uhm, Gangnam? Gangnam? Style?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a slight flaking of feces from my butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That must cost a fortune, eh? Like, we could get him on here and it would be like, alright, we're really happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here he goes, crazy man. Hey guys. Alright, well anyway, so on to the next segment, without Will Smith in it, because, uh, it would cost like, yeaah, we'd get like a, like, each word probably costs like a million bucks or whatever, so, of course, I'm only worth two million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did, so when Drake went onto his livestream, did Drake have to pay to go on there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it was like, cause it was like, you know, the promos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me some money to come on my livestream for Christ's sake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find, uh, maybe this is just me being like a bit ignorant. Well, it is gonna be me being really ignorant. I find a lot of Indian music very whiny, personally. Lots of whining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not racist, I'm just saying, like, you know what I mean, like, it's like a little bit, I guess, like, Black said, they have a different tonal system or whatever, but like, it's definitely like instrumental. It's a style, right? It's like a style. Give me like Nickelback any day. I like that raspy, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to say for the record, don't give me Nickelback, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People dress like them, act like them. You know what? Britney Spears just had her birthday. She's a year younger than me. I think I look better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just gonna say it. I'd say your hair's better. I think I look better. Yeah, I think you've aged better. I think I've aged better than Britney Spears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't see me hit me baby one more time back in the day, but, uh, who's laughed now? You've done a lot less drugs. That's true, yeaah. I've had a less, less dramatic life for sure, probably, but still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, he probably just, he probably does nature documentaries in his sleep now, like he probably doesn't even need to think about it. He probably just like turns up and like somebody says like, okay, David,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do it. And then he just does a 20 minute monologue without even thinking of it. He's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah, because every other time we've had an unexpected guest, right? We had Duncan one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very interesting emails from some, uh, some people who were trying to bully their way onto this. We had to keep tight. So I hope you guys appreciate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you something. It's episode 99.5, boys. 99.5. We are closing in hard on 100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what happened to me yesterday? And this, this, this brought it back to home of me realizing shit. Maybe the internet isn't the only thing I need to worry about. The water went out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the whole day, there was no water in the whole of South West London. Like, not just me, it's like the whole fucking area. Some big, uh, I don't know what you'd call it, pipe, I guess, something, burst. Hang on, ships, ships, are they doing a ship pipe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some, some big turbine thing, I don't know, something, eeeeh, like this, somewhere, just went, and burst. Water everywhere, I presume. But it meant, not where you were. Not where we were. So the water pressure dropped to zero. Wow. So I, like, it was fine, I turned on the tap, I came down at 7.30, made a cup of tea, filled up the capital, no problem, off we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then when I went to get a cup of water just before we left, I was like, oh shit, there's no water. And the shower, I was like, oh shit, there's no water for the shower. And the toilet, I flushed it and then it just, there was no, there was silence. And I was like, okay, this is bad. So yea, I was out all day. So I went to the shop and I bought some bottles of water to bring back with me. Because I thought, you know, I'll have some, some drink of water for during the day and when the kids come home and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was a picture on Twitter of this guy in my area. This is just at the waitress, just up the road from me. He filled a shopping trolley with bottle after bottle of Highland Spring mineral water and I mean he must have bought 50 to 60


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big bottles of this, it was piled up and he's wheeling them up the road in a panic and I'm like, we've been without water for like two hours and this guy's already like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They call it your septic tank, right? I'm not sure why, like, that was what my, all the old people I know. Right, I know, those are things you very-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but for some reason people always called it the septic tank. Like, I don't know why, like that was what my father-in-law and other people always called it, the septic tank. Even though it absolutely was not that. It was not that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well we just got like, uh, the boiler freaked out, like it didn't, it didn't know what to do. The pressure dropped, I turned on the water, it was like, ah, it just turned itself off. Which is a good thing, you don't want the pilot like chugging away with no water in there, so it just, it's just like, I'm just gonna shut that down. No, it's like, it's like Chernobyl. Yes, it was like Chernobyl, which is a great show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did it right because it wasn't, it wasn't like the usual Netflix series, which are 20 episodes long. And half of those episodes would have just been people having conversations that you've heard before in another show. They just slightly reworded them. It's just like, come on, man. Like it's too many cliches. Like it was nice and taut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you can't, you can't have a cup of tea. Luckily, I only put as much water as I need for like a cup of tea and a bit more to allow for, you know, some of it has lost its steam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought three bottles of Volvic because that's what they had in the, uh, the shop around the corner. And I thought that'll do. It'll be all right. And by about six o'clock it was back on. So it wasn't too bad. But it was like, you turn on the tap and it's like, pfft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never look at my phone during when I'm streaming. It's just, it's going away. If I get a phone call, I'll answer it. So there's another one at like quarter past nine, twenty past nine. Finally, they call me at ten past ten and say, the school's closed. Can you come get your kids? I was like, yeah, cool. I'll be there in a sec. Finished my game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just chillin'. And I was like, I was like, yeah, you alright? No problem. So they just had a date up. They had parents? Yeah. I mean, some parents obviously got the message and legged it back in to grab their kids. I didn't, I didn't get the call till ten past ten. Rocked up at half ten. And they said, where were you so?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was in Richmond, sorry kids. Yeah. I was like, and they were like, why'd you go to Richmond? I was like, you know, just do some shopping, nosing about. And they were like, huh. And then my youngest said, I thought you might have been playing Dota with your friends and not bothered to come to get us. I was like, no, that would never happen. But that was exactly what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's come up with her new thing. She's decided that I can't call her by her name anymore. I have to call her The Almighty Peb. P-E-B. I don't know where the fuck this name came from, but she is now The Almighty Peb. And she said to me that I was her head minion, which I thought I was happy with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to say something at this point. You criticized Lewis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For his story about being locked out. And you've just spoken for five minutes about a plug that was stuck in a plug hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So some, some ancient, some future civilization will, will find this mysterious ship with this cryo turtle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's rage inducing. You guys haven't played Football Manager, so you don't know, but trust me, it is fucking rage inducing. And then there'll be moments when it's genuine elation and it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's just one of those games. Like if you, I think if a really, a really good game should evoke rage at times because you're, you're invested in it. Like deeply invested in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched the, um, the EA thing on the Friday, because I noticed the EA have done their own thing just before E3, rather than go to E3. Even though I don't think that what they had to show off was big enough to warrant your own thing, like I think they should have gone to E3, but I don't know what the deal is anyway, whatever. I watched it and they had this guy presenting it, and whenever I watched these presenters,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I realize that even though, like, what we all do is very sort of in front of a camera and an audience and stuff like that and then, you know, I've done that live stage show stuff and I've done big audiences and I've done live streaming, I could never do that because they come on and they go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'd go out there and be, hey, welcome to E3. This is the game we've got to show you. I hope you like the trailer. Like that's it. You know what I mean? No hype. That's what a lot of people do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and that's what I'm realizing, that they probably get paid decent money for that. Sure. And everybody knows them, and I'm sure that when they livestream or do their fucking stupid podcasts, that it's real popular and people really like them. And I could never, I'm never gonna be that likable guy, and I feel like it's a big hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you gotta be hyped about one thing. Like, I can't believe you're just hyped about, I just love everything. Like, then I-I-I don't buy your hype. Like, you can't be excited about everything. There must be limits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get excited for things like Mrs. F is gonna be taking the kids away for a week and I can just fucking slob out for a week. That's genuine excitement. Like that's really edge of my seat, roller coaster level of excitement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did that about, god, must have been about 10 years ago with my, I think, my mate Tim, and we went to somewhere, I think it's called Alba Flairer, I think that's right, I might have the name right, and it's literally a place that's been constructed for British people to go and drink, uhm, and there's a beach. That's it. It's pretty terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but we're older now. I think being super excited for things is something that younger people feel because they haven't been let down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like everything seems exciting, like my kids now still look at toy adverts and think, that looks amazing. And they get it and they're like, oh, it's pretty garbage actually. Like they're still at that point where they get excited about stuff that I'm, I know to be suspicious. Cause I remember having those disappointments. I think as your life goes on, you get more and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good luck. Oh my god. Oh, I forgot, I forgot to say, uhm, on the last Triforce, I went to Birmingham for the Birmingham, uh, Dota tournament that we had at the start of the month. And I just wanted to say that an awful lot of people came up and said how much they liked the Triforce podcast. I want to say thank you to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also had something. This is the first time this has ever happened. I don't know if you guys experienced this. This, uh, very, very nice girl came over. She was in the cosplay competition. I don't want to out her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she didn't. She said, I love the podcast. She followed up with that. And I said, you are the first woman that's ever actually used what I thought was the gendered version of I have a tiny penis. Women could say they have a gaping vagina. And she did it. I was like, you're the first one. Because normally women say to me, I have a tiny penis. I was like, I gotcha. I really hope someone overheard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, jeez, my birthday now, I get the, I get a card from the kids, that means everything. Yeah. Uh, cause they, they write it themselves. Like I, I prefer them to draw a card or they choose a card, which always makes me laugh cause they're always really insulting. They choose the meanest card that they can. I'm like, cool. That's funny. My kid said, what do you care about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, talking of food, talking of food, this is a good segway into a YouGov poll that came out a couple of days, uh, yesterday actually, uh, the best classic British foods, brackets savoury, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they had god tier, top tier, mid tier, low tier, and crap tier. I have a lot of problems with this list. Because first of all, Beef Wellington is not low tier, alright? Pork pies and steak and kiddie pies are not low tier. To many people, Scotch eggs are not low tier. Bubble and Squeak is great. And then listen, listen to crap tier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's the thing. Mid-tier is chicken tikka masala. Because that's the actual only food that... Well, here's the thing, there was a guy on Twitter who was upset when we claimed that chicken tikka masala was British.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, if you look up the origins of chicken tikka masala,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when the first sort of waves of immigrants coming from India and the subcontinent were coming to England and establishing restaurants and things, that was when the big boom in Indian food, uh, I should say like South Asian cuisine really, uh, started to come out in the UK. And chicken tikka masala was a dish that they, I assume, devised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for western palettes and British palettes, because it wasn't too spicy, it was nice and smooth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's, it's all for the locals. I mean, I've eaten Chinese food in, in China. Yeah. And it's, I mean, for one thing, you can't really say Chinese food because it's like huge variants in, in cuisines and styles from all over this huge area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what we think of as Chinese food, you cannot get over there. Like, you have to go to a restaurant over here, which has a lot of Chinese customers. And if you go to Chinatown, you kind of get that a bit, but there's, there's a few restaurants around. There's one in Teddington, actually, which is shit hot. And if you go there on a Sunday for dim sum,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a problem. Cornish pasties, mid tier. Now, here's my problem. Some people pointed out that you can get some really garbage pasties and that maybe that's what people are judging it by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they shouldn't call it Cornish Pasty. Because if it's a Cornish Pasty, it's from fucking Cornwall, maybe Devon, and they're the fucking business. You can't put them in mid-tier, that really ticked me off. Right. So this whole list can fucking do one, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's a chip shop near me that's run by, I think they're Chinese. I always wondered why would you come all the way to England with all this un-doward knowledge of Chinese cuisine just to do fish and chips? I kind of feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you think maybe they bought it from someone else and they were like, cool, we can keep running this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what it reminded me of? You'll know this reference. Do you remember in Seinfeld when he goes into that restaurant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Twickenham we used to have bakeries and then Greg's turned up and the bakeries went out of business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty quick. Yeah, yeah. They were shit bakeries. They were pretty shit. Yeah, so you gotta be good bakeries. The Kavan Bakery on Twickenham High Street had to shut down. Had to shut down cause of mice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ain't gonna, I ain't gonna freeze a mouse. That's not cool. I can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Thank you for listening. Thank you for joining us on this adventure. Yes, thanks very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sips, P-Flax, you guys are also here. Uh, P-Flax noticed, um, at the end of last trifles podcast that, uh, it's been exactly two years since we started recording this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a great quote. I didn't realise that was where it was from. And I watched it like a month, I watched it over Christmas. Oh my god. So anyway, how are you guys doing? Anything happen this week that's worth commenting on? Just mundanities of your real life. What have you done?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a better run than two years though, right? Ten years. They were two years, but ten years. There was some fantastic stuff, actually. I saw this week, linking back to last week, uhm, that when Paul McCartney sold all the Beatles albums to Michael Jackson. Follow up to Triforce News.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Michael Jackson bought and outbid Paul McCartney for like 47 million or something for the entire Beatles count. But then it went up to like a billion dollars value and that helped like Michael Jackson through all of his


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I agree. Like honestly, some of those albums, really interesting, really interesting stories. There's a couple of really good documentaries behind them and like about like the wall of sound stuff and all of the interesting Beatles. If I recommend, if you're into like, even if you're not into it, I think there's some really interesting, I just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes watch random fucking documentaries on Netflix. Same. I watched one yesterday about cycling and doping called, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's the thing, like what they dope with is testosterone. You know, he's literally doing those. I mean, that's seriously like, I mean, I think he's also doing something else, which is also like an organic molecule. Like it's not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Necessarily like a detectable anabolic steroid, it's not like classic those things that made you just put on muscle like crazy, but were also incredibly bad for you and like made your testicle shrink and all that crap. But you know, I think like it seems like mostly if you, if you were born a man and it's almost like what you do is you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Beatles and your mum, and it's got you and your mum together. Do you think that your kids are gonna be like, in 20 years, they're gonna be like, listen to Take That albums and Spice Girls and like, connecting, reconnecting with your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Earth song. Well, cause he's like hugely popular everywhere across the world. He's like a global phenomenon, has been for years. Like, I think like if anything is united the East and West, it's like Michael Jackson's song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll be very defensive of Britney Spears. We're gonna- we're gonna represent our girl, you know. Come on. She was- she was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's cause we're the old fucking people who play these train sets. I mean, I don't have a train set, but I have a digital train set. I worry that I am becoming like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my friend's dad's when I was a kid, you know, one of them had a sort of train set. The other one, one of my friend's dad's was, was uhm, he worked at a gambling firm, like uhm, I think at Landbrooks or something, like quite high up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, was really into, to maths, mathematics. And he, he just did it kind of as a hobby and he was like always there reading like maths books and, and, you know, I talked to him about it because I did maths A level and stuff and I was quite, I'd done a bit of stuff and he, he sort of, cause he, I don't think he'd really done a lot of maths at, at school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and so he was sort of doing the same stuff as, as, as I was. And so we were kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I don't know, I just, I thought it was nice and, but at the same time, uh, so this week, okay, I've been watching loads of YouTube videos about, um, maths for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put on some balls, Lewis! What a mess. What a mess. Uhm, Jesus, I give up. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, I got some comics on my iPad and I was reading one of them on the, on the flight and I was reading, I probably already said this on the podcast maybe as well, but I was reading, um, Neo, Neo, Neo Comicon, the, the Alan Moore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Necrocom, necrocomicon thingy. Right. I think it's called that. Uhm, anyway, it's incredibly, I didn't realise quite how graphically explicit it was. It's like, very adult. Oh yeah, I think I was on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the problem I was finding was that I was like getting to a page that was a little bit dodgy thinking, oh fuck shit, people are going to see this, so I was skipping forward a page and it would get even worse, and I was like, ah! So I skipped forward another page and then I just feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even worse! Do you know what I mean? It was like, oh, it's like, do you know what I mean? Oh god, it was good though. Although I did have to like, go back and actually read it properly later, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I don't know, that kind of made the experience of watching it a little bit awkward. I think on planes they do cut out, like, key scenes. Oh, like the in-flight entertainment. Peggy was talking to me about how he went and saw Deadpool 2 in China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's just whole scenes that have been cut out. Yeah. And Deadpool just is there instead saying, hey guys, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this scene had to get cut out, but uh, we're just gonna tell you what happened. Uh, do you know what I mean? Like it's actually, they've almost like made the jokey re-cut of it to like for the Chinese audience. And it's also weird the scenes that got cut out. Like I think the scenes that got cut out were the ones where you had like the baby legs and stuff, you know, like some stuff that you don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty weird, but in a sense like it's not, it doesn't fit into a kind of normal, like whether it's, it's not nipple, it's not like vile, it's not blood, it's not like swearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a lot of western movies are made so you can, those office like, wake up and still like, be following it. You don't have none of these movies or even TV shows or anything really. You can just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I understand why they do it, but why do it with no safety? I mean, what, I guess like, do you really need that to live? Like, I guess like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing is, like, for me, like, they always talk about how addictive it is and they're addicted to the adrenaline and adrenaline junkies and they do these things to risk their lives. And I'm like, well, you know, if you go through this fucking, climb this entire mountain, like, without any protection on afterwards and you've done it, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you top that? You know, how do you like move on to the next bit of your life? And you don't just settle down and get like a fucking job in Starbucks after doing that, do you? But, you know. It's kinda nuts, yeah. How do you get your rocks off? It feels like, it feels like unnecessary level of, of, I don't know, it's not like perverted in some way. It's like me when I like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the film crew inputting into these people's lives sometimes can be very pressurising and cause problems in a sense that, you know, as soon as you shine the camera on someone, they start behaving


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, yeaah, it's like a math problem. Uhm, it's like a Heisenberg though, so I think what- I think there was a Number Jacks episode about that actually. I guess what I'm trying to say is that people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he knows that the whole thing's happening, like, but, but, you know, does that mean that, that like, you know, maybe he was thinking, okay, I'm not ready to do it, but I'm, I'm under the pressure, I'm being filmed, I've gotta do it. Do you know what I mean? Like, maybe, is that positive? Is that negative? Like, what if something had happened? Would it have happened because they were filming? Would they be responsible if he'd fallen off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we'll be alright. But interestingly, if people do want more Triforce next week, it's possible that our main channel challenge will be out. So me and Sips and Pflux did a main channel challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well anyway, that's all we got time for, buy the jug! Well you don't have to, if you're a big Patreon fan, 100 bucks, if you subscribe for one month on that, that'll get you a jug, and I'll get them shipped off pretty soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, ice him up hard. Or a friend. Ice your dad for me. Yeah. Sure. Well there you go, that's our podcast. Thank you everyone for listening. Thanks very much. We'll see you all, next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, sorry, welcome back everyone. It's a triforce. Oh, that's right. We did 99.7. Coming atcha. On your dial. That's right, with me. Sips. Oh, how you doing, Sips? Wait, you're Sips? Oh, hey. And there was a comma. Oh, there was a comma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming up today, Sips tells the story about a plug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a kind of classy, like, upper class drug. Oh, me and Tarquin are just popping down in the Land Rover to get some cocaine from Johnny. Uh, Johnny's got a good stash. Just got it on a boat. Brings it in from Peru.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Parere, darling. Parere. And, uh, come on, one up, one up your nose, and uh, ha ha ha ha, all night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like first of all, loads of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not loads, but I hear about it seemingly quite often, maybe it's because I follow the kind of people who do this, but they go off into the jungle, right? Right. And they have one of these like, and they go into the jungle and they have like, Iowaska or something like that, like some kind of really crazy psychedelic thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Experience in the jungle and they always come back. Changed, changed my life. I don't look at anything the same way anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both at the same time terrified, but also kind of excited by this because like, like for those, for certain people, I've watched a few celebrities who've really struggled with like major depression and they've been like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In like a pair of straw pants around a campfire with loads of guys who fucking have got like, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a tree log, tree branch like through their nose, you know, and like two massive hooped earrings and they got like this really saggy face, you know, and they're all like sunburned and they got tattoos all over them and they're like semi-naked and they're fucking, you're breathing the smoke and you're like a thousand miles from anywhere and you're eating like caterpillars and you're fucking grinding up some thing off the back of a frog and fucking licking it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they like fucking so glad that they're not led hot like completely dead?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remind me what happened in the game. God, that movie's so stupid. For those of us who aren't 45 years old, Sips, what happened in Michael Douglas's movie The Game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horrible fucking drug-addled nonsense experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awful. Have you seen those Darren Brown things where he tries to convince a guy to, I dunno, suck his dick?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like in the jungle, like doing ayahuasca.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, you're right. Matthew McConaughey, I think I've seen him do it like hundreds of times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about where you put it up your, uh, in your gums, like up your top tip, top lip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we have to counterbalance your pro cocaine attitude with some anti-drug propaganda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there was a government-issued drug called Soma and basically, kind of just like, it was the idea that it was supposed to be like kind of a chill-out thing that would just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep people calm, keep people relaxed, like you don't see people when we get into fights or like, you know, I do know in the same way that alcohol kind of makes you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so for example, walking in yesterday, I was walking through the, the fountain area in Bristol, which is like the kind of nice central area. That's usually like people when the evening's like hanging out there playing music and stuff. It's very cosmopolitan. It's like quiet, chill. Um, and there was like this big police cordon around the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the ground and the loads of police like hanging around and stuff like doing some crime scene investigation. Uhm, and I looked it up and it basically it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three guys, there was a, there was a wounding, okay, so like, that's what it says, three guys were taken to hospital in like a, it was, it's called a wounding, but I guess it was like a stabbing or whatever. Uhm, but some, some guys had like obviously got into a fire at like four in the morning drunk and uhm, gone and like stabbed each other and stuff and it was, it was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying that, you know, it's not, it's not the same sort of culture as people staying at home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eating loads of chocolate cookies and like binging Lord of the Rings, you know, for the 15th time, you know, it's not kind of, it's not the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So with cocaine though, I mean you can see how it would be, you know, these high powered bankers and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys in, in like kind of the government might think it's a good thing to kind of keep awake or go through the spaces or sort something out or like, but honestly, like you think like they'd just be coming up with loads of terrible ideas. I guess anything like, uh, I, I'm, I'm very scared, for example, um, fall into a, hang on, let me see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why I found that funny. Sorry. I wanted to get this out of my head. I'm very scared to, like, drink, or, or, or do any, um, like, like, do any smokety weed or anything before I do any recording or stuff, or streams, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like, I don't mind like drinking on, on, on when I'm doing stuff casually, but I don't want to like make it a thing that's required. Like if you're drinking to fall asleep, do you know what I mean? Or if you're like, you know, taking a pill to fall asleep, it can very quickly become a thing that you have to do. Yeah, you rely on it. Which is scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. It's like an Indian takeaway, right? If you go to an Indian takeaway, they're not gonna like make it healthy. They're gonna put double cream in there and like all the fatty stuff and butter sauce. It's gonna be fucking delicious because they're gonna want you to come back and have it again. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I, I, so this week, right, okay, last week we did, uhm, we did a stream, a Triforce


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, live stream, which, which, which period backed out, cause we were playing, we were playing path of exile, right? Now we're probably going to stop this, this stream of future because I want to, I, I'm, it doesn't work, right? Because we're all too different. I want to play like very different things to what P-Flex is sort of play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm weird, but anyways, last time we played Path of Exile and, uh, Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and I, I quit playing that type of game before because it kind of, the flashing lights and the repetitiveness of it made me feel a bit sick, but I've really got, it's got its claws into me this week. Have you been playing it? A week. Um, and to the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I actually have like, I've hurt myself, like I feel like my hands are sore. Really? And I don't know whether it's just muscle pain from working out, like the amount of clicking and button pressing and spamming. Are you some sort of baby or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, maybe I'm not used to it, maybe I'm not used to playing, like, maybe it's just my hands are like, I feel like an old, old arthritic man currently, with like, achy hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An old arthritic man. And if I went to the doctor in Britain, he'd be like, fucking piss off you idiot, get out. Whereas if I went to the doctor in America, they'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the strongest shit we've got, mate. Yeah. This'll fucking sort you right out. And they, they give me like, this is the double cocoa diademol, double cocaine filled paracetamol aspirin loaded with like, it's got coated in fucking extra painkilling juice. It's like, what? That's what they give you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was talking about how he has his Hollywood doctor weapon. When I was in Hollywood, I went to my doctor there and he said, I should try some of this weed stuff. And, uh, well, below and behold, before I knew it, I loved the stuff and I was watching Lord of the Rings all bloody night, watching my friend and having some ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose it's like the equivalent of a private doctor here, but I mean I've never really seen-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's British and chill back. Yeah, I reckon he comes back to Britain and then has his like stays in a little, a little country house and reads books in a little annex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've, I've, I've read this thing a long time ago that like some insane statistic of toilets in London have cocaine in them. So it doesn't surprise me that like, I think you can find trace amounts of anything on anything though as well. Like because of the way the world works, you know, small particles of cocaine will


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a bit like though, right? Is it a little bit like if you're doing VR, okay, let's have a VR headset and you've got like, imagine you're having sex with some super hentai sexy lady, right? You've got the full VR kit on, right? You've got the hat, you've got the dick attachment, you've got like the fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boobs, virtual boobs like that you feel. I don't know. I don't know. I don't do it. I'm not a big, I don't know. I'm sure there's all this weird shit out there. Sounds like you do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like the same as, okay, an MP doing cocaine, right? They have, they have all of the lovely accoutrement and it's all beautiful. It's not the same if I was like in a dirty fucking homeless alley with Darren Brown there at the other end going, oh, how you doing? Am I getting into your head yet, mate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and, and I've got my VR headset. It's like not the time. Do you know what I mean? It's not the time to do that. It's not, it's not the same. I can't be like, Oh, I want to have sex with a sexy Japanese. Oh, Senpai San Luis. Oh, touch me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think that they, in their circumstance, they're able to do it properly. And do you know what I mean? That somehow they're deluded into thinking that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is always the case in every single like thing. Like you hear about old Kim Jong-un or whatever going to Disney and having the internet and watching movies and like the, like, do you know what I mean? And, and, and that being like, you know, the people at the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Michael, you know, these guys said they had cocaine on them. I mean, that's like a confession that you were having cocaine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's good drugs, there's bad drugs, okay? Weed is now a good drug. Cocaine is still a bad drug unless you're a certain amount of rich or you work in the city, in which case it's a good drug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The 10 years before you spoke, weaver 10 years, you spent in prison with Derrick Brown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, uhm, you don't need, you don't need a very big dose. That's the other thing, a very, very small dose. It's like literally a tiny drip. It's much, much stronger than some other things, which you need a big old, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eventually, and so I think I don't, I don't know if you can find it anymore, but I recommend like, I don't recommend, what am I saying? I don't recommend you try LSD at all. But if there were a drug that I was like, had to try, I think LSD would be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Useless. Some of these things have interesting like uses. Like they always talk about using like weird stuff to treat weird stuff. Like, you know, but, but it's obviously such a kind of, once you make something, I don't know, like what it feels like once you make something available from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like increase the supply, you know, I think, I think, I think that's, I could be completely wrong about that, but I thought that one of the reasons LSD had kind of fallen out of favor was the supply problem. Uh, but maybe I'm completely wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've not seen all that, read all that, it's really interesting, like a rabbit hole of interesting stories. C.I.A. tested that on people. It had a lot of problems and people have dramatized it in lots of ways because it was kind of interesting, government, scary stuff, especially with all the drug out and stuff. Like so often TV shows go into this, like I started watching this show on Netflix and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bunch of dysfunctional guys on a spaceship, but they bring like a super powerful telepath. Nowhere close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have this like telepathic guy, but he's kind of like a chav. He's like a tele- like a psychopathic telepathic chav, okay? And he is just- the writing, just everything about it is just awful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I've left all of the intent- I've fixed the- the re- you've put ellipses in, you know the ellipses? It's, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but part of these being like very, very much like, cause I used to be an editor. When I read it, I was like, I'm going to go through and fix all this. So I fixed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just use Google Drive with Grammarly installed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry about promoting Grammarly, but I, uh, Daff, Daff basically spelled, used to spell every single thing wrong on the Yolk's Cast Twitter. And I was like, every time I saw it, a little bit of me would die. And I eventually got into this little Grammarly. Oh, it's been so much better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it's, it's nice because it like spell checks your fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twitter and your eBay auctions and stuff. And so when Daff wrote, when Daff was doing the eBay auctions for the charity thing, he spelled, um, I think he spelled a word wrong, but it was four, there were four misspellings in one word. Right. One word spelled always wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeez. No, do you know what? I am terrible too. Like as I've, cause I'm so used to using these, these tools that I sometimes just can't fucking spell shit anymore. Like I used to be great at spelling. I suck at typing now too. I'm really slow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so lazy though as well with typing, like I won't even try and type something incorrectly, I'll just roughly aim at it, and then usually that gives me a correction. You know, it's like, I'm getting slacker and slacker. I mean, you should see like some of my fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, pictures, I mostly just, I just, isn't it weird how now I don't really make notes, I just take pictures of stuff. I like take pictures of things to remind me. It's like tying a, you used to tie a knot in your handkerchief to remind you to do something, you know. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad still does that. He always has a handkerchief and it's, and it's got, not in it, he has to remember to do something important. Right. What? What if he forgets to look at his handkerchief?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] competitive game environment, like around the table. I just, every poker night I've done, I've just stripping with sweat and I don't know where it comes from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you get like, what feelings are you having? Are you enjoying it or are you anxious about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll get you a nice summer duvet. It's like a thick, thick sheet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, with Dickens, the Arrol C it's called. Yeah. Um, completely dried up. It's amazing actually to see how that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well that's it for the podcast. Thank you everybody. Uh, we will be at Yukon. We're actually probably going to be live streaming that from Yukon. I just wanted to plug that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyone who's a hundred dollar patron would have got a jug. Don't like, uh, you don't have to do multiple months of a hundred dollars if you don't want and I'll cut, I'm going to stop that, that tear on the patron as well, but thank you. Why? We're not making any more jokes. That's a limited. No, I think there's like 30 or 40 more on that might go on the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's a sign of respect though, like cause they've, cause it's uh, it's symbolic to their, um, to their life flame that burns so bright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, nobody wants to accept that their favorite thing could be causing them a tremendous amount of harm and pain though. So like, you know, that's why they'll look, they'll dig really deep and look for anything else that might be causing it. Was it a, was it a waxing moon last Tuesday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that, is that guy that had 7k viewers, is that his, like, is that all he streams all the time? Or was this just him, like, for 10 minutes? I have no idea. The 10 minutes that you happened to watch him stream, that's what he was doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a two-sided thing though, because yeaah, it sucks that these people are doing that in the first place, but like, who the fuck is watching this shit? Like, why are you watching that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They watch like specific stuff on YouTube. I would not let them watch like some other kid doing shit on YouTube, like, like opening stuff or, or like lifestyle type stuff. Like it's creepy and fucking weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awful. But you're kind of manipulating your kids just by having them on there in the first place, right? Yeah, yeah. It's tricky. As much as they would want to do it or think that they want to do that, exposing yourself out to the masses like that is something that you like need to think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're an adult and, and you've been around that for a while or whatever, you can pretty much cope with it, I guess, like if you're, if you're able to, but like as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. And you keep watching it as well. It's not like you accidentally watched it. You're an avid repeat viewer of garbage and you're supporting it and it's your fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll always come back though. Cause it'll keep coming back because there's an appetite for it. There's demand for it and people know it. So it'll keep coming back. Just removing it's not the solution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh it is and it isn't though, right? Like yea okay great it's regulated, but there's still fucking advertising, fucking gambling and bingo and alcohol and everything on TV, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we, we, we view TV, uh, like terrestrial or digital TV with like, with broadcasters and stuff as like safer than, than YouTube just because it's been around longer. But there's still lots of shit that goes on on, on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, is, is probably just as bad, but we just don't- You're probably right. We don't notice it as much because it's such a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, yeah, but it's still, like, still the messages get through. They're just, they're just a little bit more convoluted or, or, or better disguised or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, on YouTube, yeah, you could just be like, hey kids, come and gamble, spend all your money on gambling, kids. Like, yeah, there's no regulation for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, I mean the Daily Mail runs a, uh, column every day about like a kid who, who plays Fortnite and has to be fed meatloaf, uhm, through an IV by his mom to keep him alive and stuff. I know, but they keep fucking running it all the time anyway, it doesn't stop them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also what's so great about the wire, like it broke all like the conventional norms as well, right? Because that, because Carcetti's ass is never in a, in a sling. He was having...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, but yeaah, I mean, I mean, like my, like, I'm sure your kids are like this too flax, my son is like, when I grow up, I wanna be a YouTuber. Oh my god, yeaah. And you're just like, aww, just don't, you don't wanna do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of those boring looking jobs look kind of interesting though. Some of them really do actually. Some dude was in a dairy cooler. I can relate to that. I used to work in one. Like some guy was like listening to it in and amongst a bunch of like shelves with boxes on them. It looked like maybe like an Amazon warehouse or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anytime somebody mentions the word commute, like, you know, you know, you get those words that just always make you remember one specific thing. Yeah, like a trigger word. Anytime somebody says commute, I immediately picture Matt Damon and, uh, what's his face, uh, Ben Affleck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In goodwill hunting, you know, when he used to pick them up in the morning for their like construction job or whatever and their car was cold as fuck and they're smoking in the car and stuff.


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[Assistant] Every time, like every time I think of commuting, I picture that scene. I don't know why. I don't even know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only time I've ever commuted that far in my life is to go to school. Like, and like, I had to go to school, I guess. Well, I mean, I had to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did that go? I mean, I didn't get an invite. Did you get an invite? No, but I don't think I think I've met Martin twice. Same, but still, I mean, it would cost you nothing to just invite somebody.


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[Assistant] I did my own. I did my own. I just cut straight to the point as well. There was no, I just said, baby, this dick is yours and only yours. I pledge my dick to you.


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[Assistant] And it's evolved a lot as well to fit with the multi-billion dollar industry behind it as well, right? So there's a lot of, a lot of fucking extras that get thrown into the mix so that they can, you know, just milk you for more money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, you can't just get a dress now, you have to have like a fucking dress, stand, humidifier thing for the dress to be- Yeah, all the bridesmaids


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you have to have like fucking little boxes with people's names on them with like one chocolate inside, which that's right. And there's a whole bunch of shit like it costs fucking thousands and thousands of dollars to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys have to do public speaking at school too? Like you had to, you had to research a topic or something and do like a speech on it? Did you guys have to do that at school?


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[Assistant] Well, imagine what how it feels like to be the spokesperson for like a company who's just announced that they've laid off everybody like right before Christmas or whatever. You know what I mean? Like imagine having to make that speech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I don't know, speak like I, like I remember at school I did public speaking and, and I felt, you know, like, uh, Eminem from 8 Mile, you know, with the sweaty palms. Yeah. Sweaty hoodie and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] But uhm, when you're a kid, your image and stuff really matters to you, right? Like the way that people think about you and stuff is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is much more important, but now, like, I don't feel, like, as nervous, like, in front of people or anything now that I'm, uh, like an older guy with kids and stuff.


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[Assistant] That's another great thing about having kids though, cause like you can get invited to like


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[Assistant] Stuff that you don't wanna do, like don't fucking put them in front of a camera and create more stuff for you to do. You gotta, you gotta be smart about this. You gotta like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chef though, like, Ted, Ted, Ted, you just ignore them and then, uh, Chef? Yes? G.E.?


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[Assistant] Worst vegetable, I think that the worst vegetable has got to be either leeks, leeks are pretty fucking gross, or uhm, I don't like fucking, uhm, I don't like courgettes either, like I find them kind of gross too. I like courgettes when they've been fried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's with a lot of root vegetables, you really got to spice them up like, or they're just so fucking boring.


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[Assistant] There was that show on channel 4 a couple years ago where they did that, remember? They'd be like, this man eats nothing but cheddar cheese and cheese and onion crisps and now we're going to make him shit in a box and we're gonna look at his poop.


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[Assistant] See just how unhealthy this man is. Yep, we can see from this man's poop that all he eats is cheddar cheese and cheese. Haven't done it. Haven't done it.


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[Assistant] Hello everybody, and welcome back to the


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[Assistant] Yeah, I suppose. Yeah, like, um, like, like, like how old was data? You know, in star check, he can't have been more than like 10. Was he like five or six years old or 10?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A 10 year old child. I think a 10 year old child will do better.


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[Assistant] Has anyone played a new video game?


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[Assistant] What do you guys think about, like, living that kind of, like, rural, like, life? Like, cause I've been watching a bunch of primitive technology on, on YouTube, obviously. I don't know, those videos are very... Yeah, I watched, I watched a whole bunch.


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[Assistant] It must take absolutely days to make a video, you know, or even weeks.


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[Assistant] Like, it shows like him going through this process to make a brick and it looks like it takes like an hour to make a single brick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's sort of, it's, it's so simple in a sense that he doesn't, doesn't really need like much explanation. There's another one actually that's quite good called, uh, John's Kitchen. And it's basically this guy in Japan who cooks things and he goes out and gets the ingredients off like his uncle's farm.


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[Assistant] Do you ever get taken with that dream though? But I think, I think we use sometimes video games to replace that. Like sometimes, you know.


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[Assistant] Like an Island Paradise Facebook game or some shit, you know, just sat like scratches that urge to.


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[Assistant] Hearing people's rough stories are pretty hilarious.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Duncan was telling me how he, he built this big amazing place. He was in there like just, you know, it was just at home. He was like, it was like, oh yeah, I was just, just doing some scrap salvaging or something. I was like, oh yeah. And then he was like, and I heard these rushes that land on the roof and then they dropped loads of C4 and they just blew with the whole house up and then came in, killed all of us.


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[Assistant] This, this happens, this, I am continually stunned by the dedicated communities to certain games where people, every game you go into, right?


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[Assistant] Dedicated people who are the fucking craziest people who've put thousands and thousands of hours into every game. Like this week, you know, obviously I played a bit of WoW Classic last week, and WoW Classic's this thing where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Already on retail, there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of people playing this game, but like so many of them have played only that game, it feels like, since ever. And they've all got so many fucking achievements and so many cosmetics and everything. What, in classic? And you go to, well no, but on retail, but on classic, you go on classic and there's like,