[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm furious, and that's waking me up. Because I'm just like, what is this door slamming? Just when we're done enough again, phone rings. A very polite Scottish guy on the other end of the phone goes, Oh hello, just to let you know, there's going to be the Wi-Fi test at 11. And I was like, for fuck's sake, so we're fine. Just as we're done enough again, whoo!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would have a wedding and all I would invite is porn stars. I think that would be pretty fucking hype. That after place would be something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They wanna, they want the game to appeal to people, right? They want them to appeal to the young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't appeal to the young in a way that a marketing guy can see. They don't understand the dad peel. You know, the appeal of the dad, the dad peel, they don't get it. So to them, it's like, this person is old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was not postman pat, but it was a delivery guy. And it was this guy that knows that I'm always at home. Cause I'm working from home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Burger, Burger Duke. The Burger Earl. The Viscount of Burgers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of Red Dead Redemption 2 I noticed. That's all I've done since I got the game on Friday lunchtime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally all I've done. I haven't loaded anything else up. I've just been playing that non-stop. It's been crazy. The day I got it, I did a 13 and a half hour stream where all I did was play Red Dead 2. It's incredible. It is honestly mind-bogglingly good. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's actually not that bad. Like I, I don't know why people have complained about it. It's, it's fine. Like it's, I, I have had no problems and I never play console games. Like, like I said, I knew it's four year old


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's some Care Bears shit. Give me rust, baby, if you want an open world post-apocalyptic experience. Rust!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was trying to make it seem like it was part of the process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, he gave the other guy a look that said, are there any serviettes? And the guy gave him another look that says, no, they come on Friday. You're too early.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you just told me I was walking back from work the other day, I bought some chips and someone just reached in and took one. That's the story. Took 30 seconds, Lewis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna know what happened to me last night? Halloween? Me and my two girls went out trick or treating with some friends of ours and their kids and everything. We went all around and we did all the trick or treating. We came back, Mrs. F had been holding down the fort, giving out sweets to the kitties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, my youngest was a devil woman, so she was the devil as a woman, so she had lipstick on and painted her face white, she had weird black eye makeup on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my eldest was like, I wanna be a princess, but dead. So I was like, okay. So we painted her, my wife painted her with a dead face, like blood and zombie stuff on her face. So she was like a beautiful Disney princess, but dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my youngest was basically the devil if the devil was a woman. That was the ploy. So we went out and did the trick treat and it was great. Lots of kids had some cool costumes. We come back, Mrs. F wants to go to bed so she puts a load of sweets in a bowl and puts it out the front with little science in it. Help yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which a lot of people do, and the kids go past, and you're not answering the door, but take the sweets from the bucket. Someone just robbed the whole bowl. Oh, that happens all the time. Some fucking kids. Yeah, they robbed, but the actual bowl, like, was gone. Yeah, I know, yeah. This wasn't just like, this was like one of the bowls we use for mixing stuff. I don't know why my wife used that, but she did. They took the whole fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not dressed up. They're like 16 years old and some of them have even knocked and said trick or treat and you go, Oh, I'll get the sweets. They go, no, no, no money, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're little kids. I mean, it's like, you know, it's a bunch of little six and seven year old kids. You don't want to be out too late. And also you don't want the older kids cause they're fucking trouble. They come down from Feltom and Hounslow and they're just animals. So they come down and just, you know, steal stuff and throw things at cars and, and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think the other weird thing is I see my neighbors and I say more to them on Halloween or if it's really snowy and everyone's out of work because they can't get in and the schools are shut, people are out having fun and you think this kind of interaction with your community should be something that we're not seeing as like a novelty, but it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, especially when you, when you have kids, your kids and their kids will play together and stuff. I mean, yeah, like my, so we, I've had neighbors that have been really, you know, not super close, but we've gone around to their house for a party. Yeah. Kids play at each other's houses and stuff and you can rely on them. We're going away. Can you feed the cat? Can you keep an eye on the house? That kind of stuff. It's, it's helpful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we got it in Costco for like 15 quid or something. I was like perfect, that'll do us for Halloween and everything else. Now I've just realised we can stuff them in party bags. Bingo. Good sh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To sort of congregate, we stuffed some pizza in the kids so they wouldn't moan too much. And then we took them out. And while we're in the house, we're drinking Prosecco, we're having a chat and everything. And uhm, my friend went to town on the Halloween decorations. She had loads of stuff all over the house. And one thing that she'd bought was this skeleton with a little sheet hanging over it. It's about the size, it's about twice the size of an action man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like 30 seconds of hideous high-pitched shrieking and terrifying noises, and the kids were whacking this thing and whacking it to make it play- make a noise, and in the end I was like, I cannot stand it anymore, and I turned it off. Now her dad, who's like an older guy, he was really getting into the Halloween thing, he watches me turn this off, and we're all saying, oh thank god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two minutes go by, he sneaks around and turns it back on. Doesn't say anything. Just turns it back on. The kid's just whacking this thing again. I was like, this is driving me off the fucking wall. Like it was unbelievable. It was the worst noise you could imagine. Just didn't care. One kid, there's like a piano there. The kid's just bong, bong, bong, bong. I was like, my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they don't, they stop listening. Like they're just opening the front door if someone knocks on the door. They're just opening it. And they're doing the trick or treating. These kids are like six. I was like, kids, do not open the door without a grown up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think it would actually be viable to have a recording of me saying, stay together please, stop, wait for us to catch up, wait, stop, and just have that playing all the time. And I could just have a chat with the person next to me. That's honestly what I think I could do. And you know, they'd listen about as much as they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop! Do not touch that! Put that down! Don't talk to that man! He's just on a loop!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like last night one kid, my daughter came up and smacked me on the ass as she occasionally does. All the kids started punching me. Like they were like, get him!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is like, I used to get 20p pocket money. 20p. But I could buy the Beano and 12p's worth of sweets. Every week. 20p! If I gave my kids 20p now, they'd laugh at me. Goodbye, I can't even buy Palmer Violets for that. I can't even download a free app!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Bravo. What a, what a bodega. What a bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Canada, that's for sure. That's true. I want to know everything about Canada. I want to know about portage. I want to know about poutine. I want to know about, about people being polite. Everything beginning with P. Okay. All of that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you get any benefits from having the kids along? Did they, did they, were they sort of nicer to you? Yeah, you get to board them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like they are dealing with basically a, a, a ticking time bomb. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Which you can't actually say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did anyone else bring their kids? Like, did any of these other guys from school dance?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. I think the politeness thing is also, I think the people think Canadians are polite because it's in comparison to Americans, right? Whereas, like, in comparison to Brits, we're quite polite generally. Like, we're quite nice. And also, but we also, like, I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Easter bank holiday weekend just passed and it was sunny, like we had like three or four days of sun. For some reason the heavens opened and blessed us with like three days of weather that was enough for- It was beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really like the quintessential, like people just came out of the woodwork and everywhere was, was packed. You know, I walked through in the evening and there was just a bunch of people singing and playing their bands and so they weren't busking. They were just like people playing in the middle of like kind of the centre of Bristol, like various areas. It wasn't just necessarily in the nice areas, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it was, it was very camaraderie, I dunno, it was very, it was very kind of sense of community, like sense of Britishness, and of course there's always like gonna be a few...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weirdos around, and homeless people, and drunk assholes, and football fans, and you know, I don't know, it's, but you know it. That's the thing, I think I've talked about this a little bit before, like, it's, I think if you, if you weren't like part of this culture, it would feel very scary. Yeah. Much like it is in America, whereas I think that when we go to America, because we're not used to it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What everyone else sees as part of the furniture, we see as a bit on edge by it, you know? An existential threat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From last summer. It's so easy for me to picture this scene, you know, cause it's so associated with definitely like my childhood as well, the barbecue is very quintessentially English that on a hot day, you know, your dad goes out there and it's the, you know, he's got his shorts on for the first time. Had a cider in my hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's alright. I, I don't run cold enough to like manage shorts, honestly, sips. Like, I'm, I'm, I can't do it. I can't deal with shorts. I'm always like- Oh, I love them. They're so comfortable. Holy crap. I love just wearing shorts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So often Sips, you are just thinking as you have shorts, just you're dreaming of taking the pants off under the shorts and wondering if people will know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see like, I could see you, with like a handkerchief with little twists in the corners on your head, sitting on a nudist beach, and that's the only thing you're wearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just slightly too young, guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can totally see the allure of that though, having like, that's a very American and Canadian sort of self-preparing kind of, you know, survival attitude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's for a brand deal. And I bought a bunch of these things that I uhm, I had a couple, and man, they were all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like 2001, 2002, so I'd come back from uni and I was like 17, 18 or whatever and I was helping out at the longer medieval fair, okay, so I had long hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, so this, I'll maybe show it to one day, but it's like, basically I've got this really strong Essex boy accent, and it's really, it's weird, so it's weird for me to see it, but as we were watching this thing,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was more interested in all this stuff that I recognized and there was a lot of people, um, that I recognized. But because like I was at the medieval fair and a lot of the people were kind of old people, a lot of them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's dead. He's dead as well. So it's like, it was just a fucking litany of like corpses. I was like, God, this is a bit fucking depressing. I didn't really realise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, well, you see, um, you know, you see some, some World War II footage or some footage of, of anything older than that. And you realise everyone on that is, is going to be dead now. You know, like, um, it's kind of weird to see like that sort of stuff and think about it like that because it's not the instant thing that you go to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a jarring feeling going back somewhere that you, to a different life. It's almost like stepping into a different sort of period of time and like trying to, but being a different person, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it like, it's like going through a car wash, only much more elaborate? Was it like going on a fairground ride for them, but there was food at the end, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was exactly the same in certain places in Japan, like uhm, they used to, all these arcade buildings, like the Sega buildings, this huge arcade in Akihabara, wherever, the sort of arcade district.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The buildings in Japan are all, cause they're all crammed in and all like, they're all kind of high rise buildings. Like the arcades are like a five story building, but they're not that big. You know, it's like a room and then there's another one above it and another one above it and every room above it smells more strongly. It's cause of all the smoke rising up. And the top one is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, imagine what it was like when they were still smoking though, cause it must have just been full of like, you know, they need to have like a chimney on the top to like fucking let that shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like a big wake up call for everyone. They're like, what am I doing? Yeah. Yeah. It's the worst, isn't it? Up until that point, you were having a great time. Absolutely. Holy shit. So, so you would just say, I mean the thing about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that's what they're used to as well, probably. That's just the way it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're used to the drunken kebab run at 3am, you know, and that's just how they do, how we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you have to be up for spending all night out drinking with the lads, you know? That's for some people, other people it's not for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think you've got to enjoy it in your own way. I think that's part of the reason that I kind of, I enjoy Blizzcon, but I think I prefer to enjoy it sat on a sofa with popcorn, you know, and like, you know, I can like turn it, I can pause it and turn it on and off rather than like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you just have to learn these things, right? And at different times in your life, I think you want different things. And also if you've got different groups of friends, they, you know, sometimes you just want to tag along with a guy who's leading the way through, you know, a drunken stag weekend in Berlin as you fucking get wasted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you, what would you do? Like, were there a lot of people streaming, like, from, like, as you went around, like, on their cams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. Yeah, it's hard to like entertain the crowd and like keep a show going almost and like just plan something that's kind of, and have it hosted well. You know, bearing in mind it's in Germany as well, like Gamescom's always tricky to know whether you do it for the German crowd or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it feels like, is it for the streamers? Is it for the fans? Like it just feels like, I don't know quite who it's from. I agree that they should do it and I think that it just needs to find its feet and I think that way it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not gonna like, we don't really know what we're doing, we're just sort of gonna wing it, and I'm sure it'll be hopefully not terrible, but you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just not involved. You need to get sips running like a Beaver Tales. Beaver Tales stall, yeaah. Yeaah, and like, um, period, you can do like a bodega, bodega stand, you can dress up, get a picture with bodega, how about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno. It seems, it doesn't seem like a breakfast drink to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As you can imagine, because pretty much every one of those cartons is, is tetrapack. So yeaah, they made a fortune. There is a very funny, uh, video. Do you remember that show that used to be on? You know the way nowadays you can just go to YouTube and find funny compilation clips of newsreaders fucking up or people falling over or whatever. Back in the day, all we had was Dennis Norton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going on behind them? And then they'll cut to the clip. So there's like an intro for every clip and then he sort of, uh, assesses each clip when his video goes, well, my favourite part of that, like, you know, it's like you're having a conversation with Dennis and watching a list of his YouTube favourites. Nowadays, we don't have any presenters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For that kind of shit, you just bing bang bosh. Out it comes. I've forgotten what my original point was, but it was a good one. It was a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But before that, there was a guy on the Dennis Norden laughter files, I'm sure you'll find it if you look hard enough, of a guy demonstrating how easy milk cartons are to open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he has to get a pair of scissors out, and it's spilling all over the fucking place, and he keeps taking little snips here, and he's like speaking in German, and the guy watching is like, mmhm, mmhm, yeah, yeah, and he's like, and then he goes to port, and it just fucking floods out, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if, because of the cold weather, maybe having it in a flexible bag means that if it gets cold and freezes, cause we used to get milk delivered, like milk bottles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So your milk is fully frozen when you go to get it. Um, but yeaah, so I wonder if it's in a bag, obviously the bag can expand and contract slightly, whereas the glass bottle is just completely inflexible, so the milk has to escape somehow, and by god it does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a silver top for full cream milk. It was like, I think it was a hashtag blue and silver for, uh, like semi and gold top was like the extra creamy super special milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I think the difference is this was obviously...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was before supermarkets were a thing, right? And people I think didn't go out and buy, also you just generally didn't buy huge things of milk. You'd run out of milk and people need it for their cereal and by god in Britain for their tea, right? So you go through a lot of milk and you have it, a couple of bottles delivered every other day or every few days or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sets you up and you get orange juice delivered as well and then you could get eggs. So you could basically get the stuff that you needed that you maybe hadn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This made me laugh because I imagine that a lot of the people who don't bother to comment just listen to the podcast and enjoy it. But a lot of the people that listen- Oh they don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They actually did pour hot oil on people, and molten tar, from windows above main doorways. And then this guy says, if it happened it would have been red. Just like Lewis said, in the podcast, oil was very expensive and most of us didn't have enough of it. What was used was boiling water and heated sand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's literally what it refers to, it's not, it's dark because it's like, it's like trying to find out what happened and it's in the dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it was like a millimetre of snow on top of the cars, that's it. Because it rained, then the rain turned into sleet, then the sleet turned into snow, and then it stopped, and then it snowed again that day, like really fairly late in the day, and at that point I was upstairs, I was doing some writing, and I hear from downstairs,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you'd name them Terry after Terry Wogan, because if Terry Wogan was an animal, obviously he'd be a tortoise, very slow, deep voice, very chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just know this my friend, from chips to curries to meat and even desserts. Yes. The Tefal active fry original.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well I did something reasonably interesting on Sunday. I went, uh, I went for a meal. I went for a very nice meal at Hefston Blumenthal's restaurant in Knightsbridge. Oh. So my friend Blitz, that guy you might know, he comes over to London from time to time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I immediately thought the Ori-, the Mandarin Oriental is kind of like a super old fashioned name, because I don't think you'd call a hotel the Oriental these days, I guess. But anyway, it's still called that. Well, what would you call it? Mandarin Hotel, maybe? I don't know. I think the, the, I believe the term Oriental is, is considered, um, out of date. Right. Um, yes. But anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marble, staircases, amazing carpets. You go to open the door and there's like three dudes opening the door for you. Good afternoon, sir, good evening, you know, blah, blah, blah. We got into the restaurant, great bar, the bar was amazing, fantastic cocktails, and then we sat down for dinner. Genuinely phenomenal meal. Like just, just stunning. Every aspect of it was beautiful and perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was, I, I looked at the menu and it all sounded good, but there was steak and chips, and it was triple fried chips, which is something that Heston Blumenthal invented, triple cooking chips, right? And I thought, I've never had a triple cooked chip in my life, forget about the air fry, I wanna know what this is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's obviously, I don't think he literally just fries them three times, there's obviously some process that's going on, but they're triple cooked chips, they were unbelievable. And the sauce that went on top of the steak, it was like a really, it was not this slab of meat, it was like a delicate, perfect piece of meat, beautifully cooked, sauce was amazing, chips were amazing. The dessert was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's the waitress, or the wait- server, or whatever people call them these days, the waiter, she comes out with this fucking jug of liquid nitrogen. And I'm thinking, this is the point where she's holding a jug of- of potentially deadly chemicals. If she threw it in your face, I'm pretty sure you're gonna- you're gonna die, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know where they freeze him? But I didn't, I was okay. But I imagine if she'd poured more, and a lot of it had spilled onto my sock, I would have lost a foot. And I thought maybe this is a good idea on paper, but I'm not so sure it has a health and safety standards up to par. But the ice cream was very good, so fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It came with a sauce, it came with a mushroom ketchup, which was very good, and then, uh, this sauce, I can't even remember what the sauce was, but it was amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't pay. My friend paid. So Blitz paid. Cause I paid for the Italian meal. I mean, I would guess with the cocktails that we had beforehand, I think you're probably looking at 600 quid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interestingly enough, Mrs. F, last, last week or the week before, was in Beirut. She went to Beirut and then she went to Abu Dhabi, both, both on business. And when she was in the restaurant, she called me up and she said, what does, what is Occidental dishes? What does that mean, like Occidental?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was, I said to her, that means like Western food. She was like, okay, gotcha. So she asked for the Occidental menu and got something off that. But she had no idea. Like, so they still use an Occidental, but we can't use Oriental. So I guess maybe because we're not offended by the term Occidental. I mean, I've never even heard of some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, you know, the word Chinaman, people don't use that word anymore. So there are words that people don't use, they sort of passed out. Not just of fashion, but they feel so old fashioned, you assume that the person saying it is probably racist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's just the kind of people that tend to use those words and complain about them disappearing are the exact same kind of people who say, you know, they shouldn't be over here anyway, stuff like that. Like those sentences seem to go together. So I think that's one of the reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Mrs. F had that. She had that because her grandmother used to make brown bread ice cream. I remember it. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the 97 student card is very like, not grimy, but you know when you have something in your wallet and your wallet's always in your back pocket and you sit on it all the time? It's got like that fade on it sort of thing, so it's harder to take a pic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing is, when I was in high school, they didn't have digital cameras, so every picture I have of myself from an early age is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just going to say, yea, it's impressive that that came out in 87. That's nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't need to talk about the holidays because everybody just does the same shit all the time, right? Like we don't need to talk about the- What have you done since? What have you done in 2019 of any note whatsoever? I got one. Listen to this, alright? It ends in a tragedy as well. This is quite the tale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played Dota, okay. I played Dota. I played 13 games of Dota and I won them all. Okay. I was on a huge win streak for 2019. Nobody had ever beaten me in 2019. And then I made the mistake of joining a game with Cock Wobblemyster and now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now my, my perfect record has been tarnished. I've got one loss and I haven't played since. It hit me hard. This was maybe a week ago. But also I've been playing in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been playing an anime gacha game as well, which has taken up a lot of my time. So, but, um, yeah, I don't know why I did. It was a low prio game as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, that new, um, Imperator Rome, um, game by Paradox is awesome. You guys seen any of the, um, like the dev stuff about it? Fuck it, that's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christine, in a film based on true events an awkward but ambitious TV reporter struggles to adapt when she's ordered to focus on violent and salacious stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever crap is on, he's one of those. It's nice though, sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. I thought it was like, cause my wife was telling me about it, she's like, there's this fucking stupid ass, like Netflix, I don't know what they're doing, like why is Sandra Bullock going around with the blindfold on, doing stuff, and then they've had to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had to release a statement that said don't fucking go around with a blindfold on in your everyday life because it's dangerous as well. So I thought it was like the true story of a person who decided to do everything with a blindfold on or something. Yeaah. I thought it was like a real life sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By two guys who were like, yea let's watch this. And I was pleasantly surprised, I thought it was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, like, it was a bald guy with glasses basically, and it was just quite funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a new fence. That was finished. No, no, you know what? That was finished before Christmas, so that's technically a 2018. Yeaah, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of those things like they, you know, this stuff happens a lot, right? Where something that works well in Japan and you go to Japan, you expect to see that Japan is fine, but it doesn't work like in the West, right? Like, uh, out of Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't need to roll them up nicely and make sure that the gap between each rolled up shirt is the same and stuff. We don't do that here. This isn't Japan. You know what I mean? TAKE YOUR GUN!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. We have a system in my house that revolves around leaving all of the clean washing in a basket, in like a big lump, okay? And you just pick through it for the stuff that you need. Every molding, naked. Every goddamn day. And it goes fine!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come to my house and if you don't like that, well, you can just fucking go back to your own house. That's all perfect with rolled up sausage shirts or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think, you know, there's a lot to be said, you know, if you have a tidy workspace or you have like a tidy home or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll probably not be as mentally unstable or whatever, you know, it's like, uh, there's like a link, right? To like your mental state of being and your physical messiness and stuff. I don't know if it's a huge link.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna leave a plate with like fucking spaghetti bolognese sauce drawing to it like in the middle of my living room. Disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's a lot of emphasis placed on objects, like, like, you know, things that you buy or whatever. You shouldn't be attached to these things in the first place. Like, if your house burns down, they're gone. You know, like, you want to get people out of there, because you should care about people. But like, you know, if you're fucking, uh, replica


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, fucking Sephiroth body pillow burns in your house. You shouldn't really care that much. Who cares, right? It's just a fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sentimental things are on Google Drive. Like, I can't think of anything that's not there. You know, that's- Well I think you guys-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you have stuff in storage you might as well just take it to the dump because you pretty much said to yourself, I don't need this thing and I'll forget about it. Never look at it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. Those are the only things that would really inconvenience me heavily. Everything else is just like, who cares? I would just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not saying that I'm rich enough to go out and replace, but I'm pretty sure I have contents insurance on my house. So like most of like the usual crap. I could replace my bread maker and stuff and my Alexa. No problem. I wouldn't care. Like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's the beauty with insurance, cause if you don't have an inventory, you're like, yeah, I did have a gigantic, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, certain clutter can look like, kinda, kinda good, right? Like uhm, like you go into like some intellectual's house and they just got fucking books everywhere and like piles of papers and dissertations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess the basement was like more of a, he's turned the basement into a man's den now. He's a big outdoorsy kind of guy, but uh, in Canada that's like seasonal, right? So in the summer he loves camping and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think of all the lunch money that you could steal in very novel ways and stuff, like you could absolutely run rings around these kids with this knowledge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I would definitely capitalize off this freak occurrence where somehow I've teleported back to being an 11 year old with my current mind. I would totally take advantage of that in every way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you could lay a lot of groundwork in that time, I guess. You could do a lot of priming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, fuck me. Oh shit. I don't know though, you'd have to go through, you know like, when you're 11, I don't know actually, I think life is pretty good when you're- like your teens though are kinda tricky, aren't they? They're like- I don't know if I want to relive-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose, yea, you probably would be, but then what if it was like one of those things where like, at the stroke of midnight on the 31st of the 12th month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You will revert back to being a 40 year old. So you've got, you, you know, you got like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how the story goes, isn't it? Like, you can't go, you can't go back to being an 11 year old with your current mindset without there being some sort of catch at the stroke of midnight, right? There's gotta be some sort of transformation or, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's not do that. We'll stop, we'll put an end to the time travel right now. Because it's starting to seem like, it's like almost like, uh, it's almost like, uh, like some sort of conditioning or some sort of thing, like that maybe pedophiles use to like, you know, almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Justify their actions or something. And I think we should definitely avoid time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like an animal? There's one clean basket and one dirty basket? This is actually not a bad system. I'm surprised. I thought I needed sausage rolls, but this system of one dirty basket and one clean basket is just fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode was meant to be about reusing old magazines to make birthday and Christmas cards for your fam, but you know what? Just don't send them anything. Who cares? Send them an email card.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fine, it'll do. I would watch that. I would watch that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that, I saw that, and there's a guy, there's a guy who can't eat anything except for cheese. So like his, his dinner was just a mountain of grated cheese on a plate. Oh god, you'd feel so sick after eating that much cheese. I like cheese, don't get me wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he have a lot of clutters? I, I, I saw this thing about Donald Trump where apparently like before...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before they did The Apprentice, Donald Trump was like, uh, like a bit of a joke, right? They always made fun of him on Saturday Night Live and stuff. He was kind of like this washed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might have been billionaires sort of thing and everybody just sort of made fun of them and then they got the idea to go and do the apprentice. I'm sure I've said this before. They got the idea to do the apprentice and they wanted to, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They thought, oh fuck, you know, this guy's got a lot of money. We'll go up to his office and that can be the set. You know, we'll go into his office must be really nice and stuff. So they get to the top of the Trump Tower or whatever. And it was just like, they said it was gross. It was like hadn't been touched since like the seventies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's no problem. Warm beer isn't the end of the world for me either. I mean, don't get me wrong, a cold beer, there's nothing like it, like ice cold beer, but if it gets warm or whatever, it doesn't bug me that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, you know when they, when it has like the condensation on the side of the bottle, like cause it's so cold, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially when you live somewhere really fucking humid, like, uh, where I grew up was super humid, like Florida's pretty humid, New York's fairly humid. Those places in the summer, if you have a beer that's in one of those frosted glasses, oh, there is nothing like it. Fuck me, it is the best. Oh, jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another scene that I, that I always, uhm, I always associate with, uh, hydration and, uh, and feeling good after being hydrated is that scene in, in The Three Amigos. You know, when they're in the desert and they're all really fucking dry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's another scene in Three Amigos as well where this is like, I don't know if this is some sort of like Chevy Chase meme or something, but in every movie I've seen him in, he always seems to bite into something very crispy or crunchy or like stringy that he can't quite


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and there's like a, like a scene that lasts about five minutes with him just like sort of eating this thing. Cause it happens in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation as well. Remember when the turkey is like overcooked? And he's trying to eat it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And three amigos, it was the bat. Remember they have to, they're cooking bats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome to the Triforce Podcast with me and Sips. Hello. And Pirian Flax. Hello. That's right, we're here. Hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should have stopped at 69 if anything. But also if we've gone past 69 we should probably carry on till 420.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you made it to Iron Maiden yet on your, you know, your album listening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're always like negative, right? They're always like two things that you, like two nightmarish things. Whereas what's better, Star Trek or Star Wars, is kind of like choosing between good things, as if you have to pick one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, oh, I don't want to lose either of these good things from my life. And in a way that's bad, right? It's a weird psychological...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It's for me like those types of, those kind of would you rather questions always sort of slightly upset me, I guess. Like in a way, in a way, like that they force you to envision in your mind, imagine a negative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Outcome. Right. And like try and rationalise which one you would have to deal with. Yeah. It's like, for a moment you're like, oh fucking hell, would be, it would be nice to have, I mean the cat's hands would be quite soft, but a dog's legs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Larry, hey Bob, wow, how was the morning's poker up the ass session? Oh, it was, it was horrible. The hot poker was right up my ass. Satan just really jabbed that right. Oh, he does that, doesn't he Bob? Yeah, terrible. Oh yeah, well, what have we got off of this afternoon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, being flayed alive over Satan's barbecue. Oh cool. Oh, normal, normal everyday day in hell then. It's like, it wouldn't be that. It wouldn't be that. It would be like fucking queuing up with some sweaty, stinky person with bad breath like behind you and you can't stop smelling them for like a few seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if this podcast is our own personal hell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, that's what it is. Yeah. And we have like a dad argument about something. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is like, every argument we have is from a 35 year old plus perspective, right? So there's probably, we're probably totally missing like a whole world of new research that's come out since we, we left school, right? Cause it's 20 years ago that I was, I mean the textbooks I had when I was at school were like 20 years out of date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a lot of it is bollocks. They're like, they're like, this, uh, Pluto's not a planet. The fucking, this dinosaur didn't exist. You know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Geez, like, a lot of stuff's changed, you know? Fuck. Climate change turns out not real. Yeah. According to the, uh, to the president. Can't believe it. Yeah. I mean, back in the day, 40 years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would they? So no, but the problem with would you rather questions is that like some of them are, some of them are shit, but some of them are always like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Supernatural, right? They're like, would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? You know what I mean? Like the dumb, the dumb kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like, hell has obviously, perceptions of it are basically what people at the time thought, right? Because back in the day, when Jesus times was around, like no one fucking knew about shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, they were, no one knew about shit, right? They didn't know about fucking iPads and guns and I don't know, fucking stupid shit like fireworks, right? If you, it's like one of the questions of the old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, right? And so back in the day, their, their simple idea of hell was formed from what the stuff they had, and that was, you know, burning to the, burning alive on a hot poker up the ass, right? Simple stuff that they could imagine, right? Whereas nowadays, hell is more imagined by like, you know, what we can imagine, and there's a lot worse we can imagine, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like god, just think about being talked to by, you know, a boring old woman for like half an hour. God, that's terrible. Terrible. Hell, hate that stuff. What about, what about eternally being stopped?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, like oh, or being transported to a room full of a big Magic the Gathering tournament and everywhere you, there's a butt crack and you can't get out, all the doors are locked, there's just butt cracks forever, sweaty butt, airy butt cracks of fat sweaty nerds everywhere you look, oh, nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well some people I'm sure, some sweaty monks are, you know, wanking off over that, and good for them. Maybe that's some people's idea of heaven. The thing is we can't know. We don't, we don't know. And the thing is that as we move forward in time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because here's one of those would-rather questions, like, classically, it's like, would you rather be transported back in time 500 years, or forward in time 500 years, right? Imagine in 500 years, we're all up in like, fucking Futurama, spinning spaceports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. So anyway, like, imagine what their hell is like. Their hell is like, oh, can you imagine being like, flapped on by a gribulon? You know, that's gotta be a bad one, right? But we don't know, that might be what hell is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it. I know that's not in the Bible specifically, but that should be covered. What we need to do is we need to update the Bible with all of this extra pervs shit in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sometimes worry about like how, cause my routine is like I get back home at like 8 o'clock or whatever, shove a microwave meat in the microwave and then just like eat it out of the tub like while I'm walking from the microwave to my computer. Like sit down, pay like no attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a hundred Brony dolls in there, rubberized in there as well, like piled up and just a pile is like a big pile of used Kleenex like nearby, just to wipe them down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, my place is a real hellhole. Sounds great. Sounds great, yeah. Oh god, you guys should visit, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, did you not? No, I never saw that. But you put the diaper on like I asked though. Yeah. And the handcuffs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you, would you rather have unlimited tacos for life or unlimited sushi for life? Oh, it's gotta be for me, tacos, I think, for sure. Exactly. Would you rather go back to age five with everything you know now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, know now, everything your future self will learn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather be able to control animals with your mind or control electronics with your mind?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanna be dead now. Just right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we have an update on Perian, the across the street, the illegal garage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna know what percentage of soil is made up of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should try standing up. You should try standing up for the, for the, like I do. I'm standing up right now. No thanks. Well I'm not really standing up, I'm kinda like leaning over. You're hunched. No, I'm quite, quite happy to sit. Thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck. Fucking neckbeards. I read a thing yesterday that said like, you shouldn't, this is some neckbeard, he was like, you shouldn't ever shake hands with a woman. And there was this whole list of reasons for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would, that would all be, that would all be bad. Just saying, just throwing that out there. Yeah, probably. Man, like, yeah, so I think like it'd probably be another 500 million years before we see like dolphins or whatever evolved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I grew up reading Philip K Dick and Arthur C Clark's short story anthologies, man, and they were fucking, some of them were garbage, but there was an idea in there, a little glimpses, a little glimmer of something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because it's April. If you sign up on the Patreon, uhm, you should have been charged for the first time. Only like, only a few people signed up for March, uhm, but a lot of people sign up in March and they get charged at the start of every month, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think 10 people bought a jug. So 10 people did a hundo. Wow. So if you guys change your donation back to like, or stop it, I'll get you, I'll get you some jugs sent out. So I've actually got, the jugs have been made and we've got certificates also. And I think we got, I think we got a hundred jugs maybe made total. So we're going to get 10 of them out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, thank you very much everybody. That's great. Yeah. And when we run out, I'm going to stop the hundred dollar tier. Um, so you can't sign up any- Jokes don't jug people, people jug people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. No liability. Jug responsibly. Thanks for the support. Thank you for the love. Triforce, podcast, Patreon. You can find it, just google it. Um, we're also doing a little bit of streaming, but you can find that as well. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast with me, Lewis, that's right, coming at you from, uh, from Bristol and also joined by Sips. Hey, how you doing? Oh, I'm pretty good. Uh, also his co-star, Timmy. Co-host. Terry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amazing. So we need to start our way, start our uhm, start the day right. You know, some people like a bowl of porridge. Some people, you know, like to just, you know, knock one out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds so nice when it's sung. So, so last week, uh, your wife sent you out to keep the kids occupied and you came home with high heels for a three year old, an air fryer, two haunted lamps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very close, but it's not sexy. No, it's cute. It does have relations. It's very cute. It's like, uhm, you see these, these calendars of cute things, right? And occasionally, for some reason, there's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dad holding his baby, and he's got baby soft skin, he's all naked, right, but he's like, they're both holding the baby in a way where it's like, not sexy. Right. You see with women too, like a woman holding their newborn baby, and they've got like a load of back skin on show, and the baby's back skin's there as well, and it's all pink and soft, and you know, and they're all like cute. Right, so they're beautiful pictures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that they're inviting people who don't fucking play. You know, what's better? Like someone who actually fucking plays the game or someone who, who they bring in just because he's a well-known name who doesn't play the game anymore, is into the game anymore. Like a lot of the people, you know, when I watch, it feels ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But look, talk about Apex, you know, that's toppled Fortnite this last week, it's had 10 days higher than Fortnite on Twitch, you know, how the might you've fallen. I mean, Fortnite's not going anywhere, don't get me wrong, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leo was telling me a story on Saturday, uh, about how she went into game. You know, the game the, uhm, was dropping the high street? Oh my god. And they have these, like, attached cyber cafes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's loads of kids in there playing Fortnite on these. It's like they have like these cyber cafes now and they've got quite a lot of them around the country. That's a good idea. Well done. In Bristol. And uhm, yeaah, so you can like rent a PC for like £5 an hour and uhm, just play games on it. And so there's these like five kids in there playing Fortnite in a stack, you know. And they're shouting at each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's like, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. These are like kids and they're like yelling, for fuck's sake, Jordan, you missed that fucking Loot Crate, you prick. Like this, you know. And I'm like, oh my god, this is like me playing fucking Party Dota with Pirian, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apex Legends has come out, you guys have been playing it all week. It's, it's this thing where I think it's bridged the gap. People are bored of, sick of PUBG and looking for something new and Fortnite players are, you know, thinking Fortnite's got this reputation of being a kids game. You know, we need to like, get off this stuff. You know, it's, it's kind of not cool to, to play Fortnite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. So I heard that they like paid a bunch of streamers to like switch over to Apex for a day and then it sort of just pushed everyone over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you allowed in with your Guardian 7 level plays, Sips? Have you got any kills? Well, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyway, what are you guys going to be doing this week? Have you done anything fun? Done anything in real life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so bread, beans, microwave, beans on toast. A job done. Sounds delicious. Then I can be back home playing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, like I think it's difficult. It's not like books, right? If you had a book club, then someone in that book club is saying, okay, we're all going to read this book this week. And it's something that none of you have ever read, right? Whereas if you're, if you're picking yourself a book, you will go to a shop and be like, I'll pick this up, but something I've never read. But with music, it's a bit different because you'll think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And even if you don't, you won't often, as you get older, you'll, you'll, there'll be a broader pool of shit you've listened to, and you'll be like, man, I liked all of this stuff, I'm gonna listen to fucking Pink Floyd today, I'm gonna listen to like, you know, whatever it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's the difficulty for me, like, honestly, like, so, I wake up and, uhm, my whole day is kind of struggling to fit music in, like, I'm, I was trying to get Alexa to like fucking, like, turn into like a clock radio to actually play music when I wake up and stuff, but I can't fucking figure that shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I have to necessarily pick anyway. Thank you everyone. So anyway, like then I'm in the shower and like I'm having, I'm getting some breakfast and maybe I'll be able to listen to a bit of music in that sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chunk of time, but then the thing is like at work and I'm always listening to a like podcast or like on the way, on the walk in, I'm always listening to some sort of podcast or something. Occasionally I listen to music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess when we're streaming or when we're recording, like it used to be back in the very early days that we could put copyright music into stuff, but nowadays not really. Some streamers do like listen to the radio and have like a remix, um, like an album going, don't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just don't listen to as much music as I used to and I miss it, definitely miss it. I guess like, I'm the opposite though in a sense, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm very much of the idea that there's people out there today making more music than ever. Some of it's really amazing. I just don't know about it. And occasionally what I'll do is I'll get like a top recommended, um, like the best albums of the year and I'll just make it into a big playlist on Spotify. So I've got like one for 2017 and one for 2018.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll occasionally just like have a look through and then it, you know, I can copy all the albums and listen through, you know, the albums and they're all totally meant of different genres. But I don't know if I really enjoy it. I don't, I've never really taken any of them from that and thought damn, this is an amazing album. I'm not someone who can recommend you an album, for example, like I don't, I'm really like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I was into music more. I guess I never did it and got caught into it very much at school. I feel fairly ignorant about it. That said, I respect it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could do it actually like fairly easy. But yeah, it won't like the teeth. I don't know teeth, they're tough. Like I guess like it's this thing where you see these like skeletons that are like completely rotted away and yet they've got like a perfect set of pearly white teeth and you're like fucking teeth. But in real life, you know, all of your teeth are like full of holes and cavities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what I watched on Netflix, going back all the way back to shit shit on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some, I watched this documentary that just cropped up because I was just like tabbing through stuff while I was playing games and I watched this documentary called Root Cause, right? Right. Which when I looked it up afterwards it had like a rating of like one, one out of five or like two out of ten or something and it was like oh fuck me I don't know why I even


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'd known that I wouldn't have left it on kind of thing. Right. Uh, but it was about this like, guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who had, like, some, like, chronic fatigue or something. He was basically, like, a bit tired. And he was like, I tried everything. I tried parachuting, I tried, uh, he was from Australia, sorry, from Australia, I tried parachuting, I tried yoga, I went and had my chi cleansed, I had my butt


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On his, like, front tooth teeth, right, because he'd been punched in the face or something, and he'd had a root canal. Which is when, like, you, uhm, when you, the tooth's basically dead, but you kind of leave it there, because it's a real fucking ball ache to get it, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold out. Cause there's not really that many alternatives and the alternatives aren't really that great. You know, you get like a screwed in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? But they do like millions of them, and I was like, actually, do you know what? Like, they do do millions of them, and I looked it up, and I realised that I had been taken in by this fucking bot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really should have done. So no, I totally felt like a fucking sucker. Like, like, I felt like those kind of guys who dribble in the 9-11, there was that documentary, that, that plane documentary about, uhm,


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[Assistant] Like, oh fuck, I just felt like such a dangus. And it felt like I'd been tricked by Netflix, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Cause I, I was just recommended it, like, cause I watch all these other stuff about these, I watch a lot of documentaries on them, mostly about murders and stuff, but, you know, I was just, I just thought, oh, yeah, but this was interesting. And then it sucked. And then I was swayed by it.


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[Assistant] There was bits of it that I sort of were bullshit and I saw them at the time. I was like, you know, they were like red flags, German going off at the time. I was like, that seems like bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turns out that 96% of breast cancers are caused by root canals. And that just went over my head and I was like, oh, okay, cool. That seems a bit weird, but maybe people, you know what I mean, like for some reason that didn't actually-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is tough. Like, you know, I think when science butts up against ideology, you can end up with some real problems. Like, because back in the, uh, I remember back in the sort of fifties, there was this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking 60 or 70 years ago. Like this is not a fucking distant past. This is the ideology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello and welcome to the Triforce Podcast episode 99 point something.


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[Assistant] You know, I think, I think the difference between the UK, cause I've watched, I've watched all of it, like the whole thing up until Michael leaves. I don't really care for the show after Michael Scott leaves cause I think he was the lynchpin.


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[Assistant] I think that the reason it works for me as less comfortable, less uncomfortable than the UK office which was so cringy I actually couldn't watch it a lot of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the main character in the UK office is Ricky Gervais' character, whereas the main characters in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And pranking Dwight and making sarcastic comments to Michael. So it feels less uncomfortable because Michael is like this force of nature that runs around the office and does all this goofy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you always feel, you also kind of feel sympathetic towards him because he's kind of pathetic.


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[Assistant] He just wants people to like him and he wants people to be happy at work and all the rest of it. And sometimes he does the right thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whereas I felt like uhm, the Ricky Gervais character on the UK Office was just detestable, horrible man who never does the right thing.


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[Assistant] It feels a bit more downbeat, I almost feel like the ensemble cast, which is a very American sitcom way of...


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[Assistant] To Creed, right? He's like a real weirdo in the office. You're gonna have to work with him day in, day out. Like Ryan, the, the temp, he's sort of like been dropped into this and he, he, I think he, he's also another one of the eyes of the audience and he cannot believe that this is a place where supposedly people do business and it's like the best performing branch, which is also like a running joke.


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[Assistant] It might be 10. I don't think it's 12. Let's have a look. I'll Google it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Assistant regional manager, assistant to the regional manager, like he has to keep being reminded he's not the assistant manager, he's just the, he's just like Michael's toady. Right. And does whatever he says, but he also tries to betray him because he really wants his job. He's really good at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like he, he, he's gonna, he's one of those guys that really loves him. But he, he had a bit part in Juno, where he worked behind a store counter. He's, you see him pop up in a few things, but the problem is he's a very weird looking guy, so you recognize him straight away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Rainn Wilson, and he can't say things without you thinking of Dwight, because it's such a big character, and he did it so well that he's almost typecast as the character that he created, which is a shame, but you know, jeez, you've got nine seasons on one of the most popular sitcoms ever made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, you, you'll recognize him if you see him straight away. So the idea was, it's an American sitcom, the first spin-off that she is starring Dan Hedaya and Jean Cassem.


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[Assistant] And it was, yeah, Nick and Loretta Tortelli, who were like, for whatever reason, there was a spin-off show. Like, I honestly think it used to happen a lot, a lot more. Chicago Fire had three spin-off shows, which are still going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, do you think that Columbo had a spin-off show? Uh, probably, yeah. It did, called Mrs. Columbo. They made one series of Mrs. Columbo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jason Alexander and Michael Richards definitely, but Julia Louis-Dreyfus did Veep, which is very well received.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hollywood especially, I read about this, there are two phases to a woman's career in Hollywood. There's the, you're young and hot enough that people are gonna fancy you at the executive level. Yeah, she's hot, put her on a TV show. And then you get to middle age, and unless you're like a stunning actress who's like gonna carry on, there's like a dead zone. And then you can come back and play matri-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It was made in the 70s. Happy days was the Fonz and the Cunninghams. And the Fonz lived in like an apartment upstairs from the Cunninghams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was, uh, Nancy Walker played Howard Cunningham's visiting cousin Nancy Blansky.


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[Assistant] That was Robin Williams was a character on there as like a crazy guy and then he got his own show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this was like, Robin Williams was nobody in those days, and then obviously that launched his whole career. Then there was the Mork and Mindy animated series, which is technically a spinoff of Mork and Mindy, but there was Out of the Blue, which I've never heard of, Jimmy Brogan as Random, and Angel in Training, who's assigned to live with and guard a suburban Chicago family, which sounds bonkers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, which was an animated show, and Joni Loves Chachi, which was a short-lived show with, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's the way TV used to be, if a character was a hit, they'd pump a show out, spin off. You know what I mean? That's the way they did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dave Chappelle had a sitcom, a very short-lived sitcom, which was awful. Dave Chappelle? Yea. Yea, Dave Chappelle. It was called Buddies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedians Dave Chappelle and Jim Brewer attracted the attention of TV network executives with their guest appearances in one episode of Home Improvement. The storyline had Chappelle and Brewer play friends who appeared together on Tool Time to ask Tim Taylor advice on their girlfriends. And that one outing was so popular they gave them their own show. But it was awful. And if you watched an interview with Dave Chappelle when he said it was just terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was saying like, he was trying and he was, you know, he didn't understand how TV worked. And he, he, eventually the Dave Chappelle show came out and it was huge. Like it was absolutely huge. And the weird thing for me is that Dave Chappelle had been seeking fame and trying to go out there and make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they think that they know exactly what works. So if you're coming in with a good idea or you're really funny like Dave Chappelle and you want to do a show, they're like, uh huh, yeah, we'll take it from here. You know, we have, we have a way of doing these things and they have their own writers and their own producers and they really just want you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be the talent that walks around and says things and maybe people will watch it because you're in it. They don't actually want you to have a show of your own. A lot of comedians, I think, like Seinfeld, when he got his show, I don't know how much, I'd have to, I'd love to know more about it but I don't know, those early episodes, was it just him and Larry David and it was like, they just gave them complete control?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was heading up there on the train and I was waiting at Strawberry Hill Station to get the train up to, to, to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's got on and he's closed the doors and I suddenly realized that that was the train, my train for public use. I don't know what the fuck the message was about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What could we do on our Patreon that isn't degrading and that would happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on Instagram. I'm on Instagram. Realpeerianflax is on Instagram. I got messages from Triforce fans all the time saying hey here's a picture of me at work and stuff and I'm like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of them is that, the big, the Ein Gross that I got in Germany, which was great. And one of them is a double cider that you could get in Birmingham. It's a double pint. It's two pints in one. I've never been happier in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this guy's Instagram account. Sorry about the lemon soaring going on and my neighbors having a loft conversion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. You look down at picture number seven and look at that sort of weird cock-eyed smile that he's doing. Look at how many pictures he makes that that's his pose. Right. That's his photo pose. That's what I'm trying to combat with my surly dad pose. Cause this guy has a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're uncomfortable. You know what kind of comments I get when I post a picture? Look at this old fucker. He looks like an egg. Oh look, it's Himmler. Like it's just continual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't bother me, it's just part of it. You gotta have fun with it. If people are gonna find pleasure in laughing at your dome, or your resemblance to one of the, you know, prime movers in the Third Reich, so be it. As long as it entertains people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have it linked, yeaah. I just have it linked where it says, do you want to share it to Twitter? And I do. Where does, where do you link that? It's just one of the options. You just link it to other accounts. And when you go to tweet, it just says, do you want to tweet this to, when you post it on Insta, it'll say to you, do you want to tweet this as well? And I was like, hell yeaah.


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[Assistant] Honestly, the other thing is you give all this control to these big, to big tech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Facial recognition assassination of like high value targets, no collateral damage. But for some reason, it's scarier to me having a big spike


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy, this friend, a friend of his, uhm, worked for a big university and they do a lot of testing on animals at big universities, like drug testing and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These animals specifically to have like a particular genetic defect or whatever so that they can test the drug. So when they do this, they tend to breed like 10,000 of these guinea pigs, literal guinea pigs, that all have like, they're all missing their legs or they've all got no fur or they've all got one eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can't like sell them on his pets afterwards, because they've been genetically...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they've got these 12,000 guinea pigs, and sometimes when they do the medical testing, it works, like, first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they test it. Oh, it worked. And then they have to test it another like 30 or 40 times to make sure. Okay, well that works. Trial over. But you've still got 11,960 guinea pigs that you don't need anymore. You can't give away and you can't use them for another trial so they have to destroy them. So what they have is this big box with a door on it. And you open the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You put them in the cabinet, you close the drawer, and then it releases this gas that kills them painlessly. They just, like, they get hypoxia and asphyxiate, but it's like, they don't panic. It's like, you know, if you suffer from hypoxia at very high altitudes, you laugh and then you go to sleep and you die. It's terrible, but it's obviously better than just whacking them on the head with something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy's job was to kill the guinea pigs. And he's put them in one at a time like he was told. And after a while he turns around and there's this huge pile of guinea pigs still to go and he's starting to lose his mind all day long. He's just killing guinea pigs, killing guinea pigs one at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he starts putting in a few more each time. By the end of it he's putting so many in that he has to lean on the door to close it so he can kill these poor guinea pigs. And it changed him forever. Like he had to stop doing it. Worst job I could possibly think of. Horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. This one actually was going out on the 30th of October, so it will be Halloween.


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[Assistant] Listen up, so before we start recording, Sips was like, Lewis, I've got, uh, I've, I've, I'm coming to Bristol to see Ghostface Killer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were like, I bought four tickets in case they ran out. And I was like, okay. And so he was, then you said, I've got two tickets left. And I was like, oh, who else is going? And you said, you are.


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[Assistant] That's it. Two shows. I heard T-Pain had to cancel his tour because of lack of ticket sales. So I'm glad we're supporting these, um, late nineties, um, R&B, hip hop acts. What is he classic? What's he defined as? What's the genre?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was all grimy and dirty back then, but now it's like dog face emojis.


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[Assistant] I mean, they're obviously massively arthritic and a little wrinkled up and weird. They're like rubber, they're like rubber puppets. Um, I mean, they look like some kind of spitting image, but they, they were like, they're still


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just wondering like what age does seem to, does age doesn't seem to fuck over their guitar playing or necessarily their singing?


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[Assistant] Is that why people liked it? I mean, that's the thing with, with YouTube as well, right? And Twitch, the authenticity of the people is part of it, right? You want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Believe that you are watching one guy in his bedroom or, or it's like almost allowing one or two people to, to, to have their own freed ability to, to get out to the masses. I guess that's, I'm just saying that's the equivalent, you know, when it was like one.


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[Assistant] Guy from the hood or whatever. I don't know what I'm talking about. Uhm, you know, coming up with songs that were genuine, I don't know, or like affected by his small


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Area? It feels more pure, I guess? Like, I dunno, like, there's always been that though, hasn't there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like rather than the manufactured kind of way.


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[Assistant] It is amazing, like, how that, how those asshole contracts seem to be still a thing. Like, one of the things that we do is, like, I've always said, you know, all of our contracts in the orgs cards with everyone are literally not worth the paper they're written on. Because if you want to leave, we'll do the thing.


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[Assistant] I'm never gonna, but I'm never gonna be that asshole guy who's like, well actually in the contract it says you have to do this. It's like, it's just not worth it. Like, to rock the boat and just cause trouble for everyone. I don't see why.


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[Assistant] You know, it seems like, cause you hear about this, like, like, you know, like teenage, you know, pop stars get signed to like lifetime contracts and stuff and, you know, terrible exploitative things or their parents take like, you know, all the money and run off. It seems like a real common thing to happen.


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[Assistant] He gets really fat and starts turning like egg shaped. He's like Humpty Dumpty. He's on stand on a wall one day and he's like, just don't want to end it all. He falls off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's totally a cycle, right, and it does come out the other end, and some people can transcend the cycle, but I think yeaah, you're right, mostly it is someone doing it passionately, they love their thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not making that much money. So they have to then feel like they have to push all these sponsors and do all this stuff. Or even if it is very successful and they're already loaded, they still feel like that's the route that that takes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then eventually they, they slowly lose their passion for it until they find a sort of plateau of something that works for them. But she's probably different to the original thing because they've changed over time. You see it again and again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, now I'm getting into the mechanics of Fortnite and I'm starting to understand it. I'm starting to love it. You know, before I was just, you know, recording it for the money. But now, you know, I'm really, I really love, I really love the game. I love the players.


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[Assistant] You're someone who's very paranoid about that idea because you grew up with this like nirvana-y kind of fuck the man kind of attitude where, you know, selling out was seen as, and still today I'm very uncomfortable doing any kind of brand sponsorships or anything, but I've come to terms with it because for a start,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then the other thing is like, you know, you do one and it's actually something you're kind of into anyway. And it's like, well, I'm sort of probably going to do, I wanted to do something around this anyway. So.


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[Assistant] This is the kind of fucking chat we have at the pub, where we lament how old we are, and like how we're not getting off with anything, and how it was always all good back in the day.


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[Assistant] But no one else would, you know? That would be how it would be set up. There's a lot of people I really respect on YouTube, uhm, like I really love watching like Tom Scott's videos where he goes around the world and looks at weird shit like a toxic pit in the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he is very clever, and actually that kind of counts, like, for being a bit witty. Like, you'll find that sometimes clever people are quite...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you see it on QI'd stuff as well, like the smart people, sometimes, although they're not obviously very funny people, they are quick witted often. And I think he's got enough wit to keep it fun. I will say this, I know he does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, so that guy, that guy is a bit of a bit, I have a love-hate relationship. A lot of his stuff is incredibly weird and boring and crazy. Like, he doesn't really appear to know what he's doing. Cody? A lot of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's kind of gone a little bit less because sometimes Vsauce does like the most ridiculous math videos of all time and you're like, you've lost him in like two minutes flat, but it seems to be, it seems to carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is this, there is this thing, this jealousy thing. When I, I sometimes sense it, like when I see someone doing something similar to me and I'm like, why is that guy so much more successful? And it's like this little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This little jealousy, annoyed kind of, oh god, I hate how good this guy is. Yeah, I get that a lot sometimes. You hate how good guys are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is actually the very first thing they said when we sat down and they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got seven years worth of DLC here. What's, what's going to be put in? And they said, we're going to put almost everything in straight away. And I was like, exactly how can they, how can they, how can they put everything in? But I think a lot of the shit that was added in the DLCs was stuff that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they've got an opportunity to simplify the game a bit too, like for new players. I mean, there is, there is a certain thing with Paradox games that they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You invest 200 hours in learning the fucking thing. Uhm, so, so I think, I think having the knowledge that we have of CK2 is going to serve us well on CK3. I feel like I've not, those hours that I've spent learning it haven't been wasted because it seems like a lot of the shits


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still the fucking same, but also I think that the wrestling with the UI for me was a big part of CK2 and we've changed a lot of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think they've, they've really just dumbed, like, like drilled down on that. I think the main thing about CK3 is that it focuses on your dynasty. And it's like, the idea really is not for you to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great, great grandson, you know, has got a fucking heir to the throne of Bavaria and this fucking guy's now, he's, he's sired all these children off in fucking Sweden and he's, you know, he's now going to take over the king of that. And before you know it, you've got like fingers in pies all over the fucking place. That's, that's what it's supposed to be. You know, you're supposed to be all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're rather than just trying to play s- slow expansion s- simulator and then, you know, you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man it was fun. Like a real, real civilization. I mean that was the, that's always the thing about power, isn't it? You think, oh I'd love to be the king, but being the king is like this terrifying position of power because everyone else wants to be the king and they're all looking to fucking put you down. You can't trust anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, you know, you're constantly living in fear. You know, often, like, people don't realize that, but, but, but getting to the top is like this, this position that you never wanna, never wanna be in. Uhm, so yeaah, that's, that's, I don't advise it. Anyway, wetzpaddots.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Source DK3 thought it was okay. Uhm, or at least looks good for now. Uhm, I think it's time for a re-event and a re-launch. And it seems like, the other thing is they've actually got, I don't know if you remember this, but there's a guy called John Schafer who made a game called At The Gates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but one of the guys who was working on it, or at least at the gates, I think has gone back and is working on CK3. And I think, uhm, he's added the same tooltips in tooltips model to CK3, which I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In love with uhm, basically it's like a tooltip and that you can click on things in the tooltip to like teach you the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And at, at the gates, that was the best thing about at the gates. It was the tooltips, uhm, within tooltips. What a game. That sounds thrilling. It's the same guy who's coded that. Look, just, I'm just saying, before, before we move on, tooltips with the tooltips, that's what it's all about for me. Uhm, fucking loved it. Uhm, anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so we went to ParadoxCon, okay, first of all, uh, when, first of all, when we were travelling there, I had, they, obviously, uhm, the flights were booked by someone, but I had to go from, from Bristol to Amsterdam, from Amsterdam to Berlin. Right. And Duncan was like, oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause Doug has sort of didn't realise that this is what was happening when he turned up in the morning. He was like, oh, we've got to go through Amsterdam, but they always lose my luggage. And I was like, I'm sure it'll be fine. Anyway, they lost MY luggage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was to do with the fact that we were, when we were on, when we got to Amsterdam, the plane we were flying had some damage on the bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were like, yeah, we spotted some, some panels damaged at the plane. I'm not sure we're going to be able to take off. So they were waiting on the tarmac for like an hour. And then eventually they were like, yeah, we're not going to be allowed to fly. So we're going to have to get new planes. So everyone had to get off the plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got to wait for a new plane. I've got a new plane. Anyway, a journey that was supposed to take like, you know, like three hours or four hours ended up being like nine or ten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we got to like Germany, uhm, and fairly late and I went and bought some spare pants and socks and a toothbrush, you know, just to keep me going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in Amsterdam? No, in, um, in Berlin when we got there. Um, but it was, it was late. And then we went to this, so that's how they put on like, um, a, a, a dinner, like a drinks and dinner for the, on the first night. And so starting at like eight o'clock at this beer house. And I was like, Oh my God. So it's, at this point I'd only had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I'd eaten, like all fucking day, was uhm, some avocado on toast. Okay? At like seven in the morning. Cause we'd been up since like six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, ah, just get some chips and salad, it'll be fine. So we got there and it's like this, this fucking, they booked out like 70 people's worth of tables in this beer house. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's beer everywhere, okay. We can order beer, but they're like, don't worry, we can order food later. So I was like, okay, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I not order it now? No. Okay. And there's one guy in this beer house assigned to 70 people. One type server. I don't know whether this is normal. Okay. And like each booking gets assigned a server. Do you know what I mean? And it's like the standard thing, like you're going to get this group of people. And, but, but when he was like talking to me, he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I don't get tips. I'm not gonna get tips or anything. So I was like, I just asked him like, why are you the only guy? And he's like, oh, it's policy or whatever. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so 70, what, 70 drunk journalists and like influences and paradox people in this beer house, one guy trying to bring us- That's ridiculous. Bring us beer, and then finally he comes around to take a food order. Oh my god. So I'm like, can I have some chips and salad, please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is I started making jokes to people about it, like to try and lighten it up. I was like, oh, so I went over to the thing and I was like, do you guys know there's only one guy serving 70 people here? And the people at the, at the front desk were like, oh yes. And I was like, okay, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool, I was just like, I was, I was like deliberately hinting to anyone who would listen to like a little stuff and like, like, but no one, they didn't do anything about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it, that's what it was. I think if they'd actually start serving us properly, we would have bought loads of us anyway. Um, so, like in, we went to, went to ParadoxCon and it's basically, uh, they, they rented out like a huge, um, ex ra- pirate radio station in east, in the east side, east side of Berlin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like from my limited amount of driving around Berlin, the East Side still feels a lot more run down than I thought it would be. I mean, I went and saw the Berlin Wall and did all the stuff, so I know about the history and the Cold War and blah blah blah, but it still didn't feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes that's the style. I, I, I can get behind it. I didn't hate it. I was just, um, just sort of Berlin's so, so such a, still such a dichotomy really. Um, anyway, I got, got, went to this place and of course, I think, I think a little bit like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause of course we've done YodCon and I've done a lot of this stuff. I sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only sort of saw mistakes really. It was, it's generally a really good, well organised con I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on, on the first day, it was, it was pretty empty. So there was like, cause it was like a press day and they were just all setting up and stuff. And then they showed us the game sort of before the crowds arrived. And because of that, I think without the crowds, the place was freezing cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and all we had is, uhm, like hot, hot coffee. Like, uhm, and there were no, like, room warms, warm rooms to go in. So anyway, we're all there in our jackets and coats, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the thing is basically the way it was is a huge open mega warehouse with a stage in the middle and booths around the edge. So it was kind of like, but, but it was just like five degrees in there. And so me and Duncan were just like holding onto cups of coffee and just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By about one o'clock in the afternoon, I'd had like five cups of coffee. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, uh, they're all, they're all fine. All the games are good, honestly. And, and you know, I had a nice time with everyone. Everyone's lovely. Berlin, Berlin's nice. And then, um, so they, they got, it got to like lunchtime and they, they sort of put on like lunch for us, obviously, which is very kind of them to do that. Um, but the lunch was lasagna. Right. Uh, that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can either have, well no, there was either lasagna or, uh, vegetarian lasagna. So you, you could have, you could have eaten it, but obviously I, I couldn't. So I had some lettuce leaves. Mmm. It's a carrot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was totally fine, um, I'm not complaining, but here's the bit I'm complaining about. So we, we got to the evening and, um, they, they had like a, a party, right, for us. And like, so, and so we'd like a buffet. Um, and so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fucking buffet was like, uh, little, little dishes with something in them. So like, you know, a strip of beef on like some leaves or like a strip of salmon on something, you know, just tiny small buffet things. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a large display of little bowls of a square of lasagna. And I was like, hmm, that lasagna looks strangely familiar. Is it all of the lasagna that wasn't eaten at lunchtime?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just googled up on my phone, um, local vegan place and went and took Spiff and Jose and a bunch of guys who went there and had some noodles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Milk is fantastic if you're a baby cow, but if you're a human being, a 36 year old man, it's not the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I'm not gonna be a dick about it, you know, sometimes, like, if, if, if, like, if, if I'm given a cheeseburger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna eat it, you know, when there's no, when there's no, when I'm given no choice, I'm just gonna eat whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I feel like it's, it's not, it's not good for you. There's this illusion that cheese is somehow healthy, um, and it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like milk. Alright, people think milk's healthy, and it's not. It's just simply not. I mean, to be fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's certainly, that's certainly true. Yeah. I think if you're, if your kid has a terrible diet, you should also. Well, I think every kid does though. That's the thing. But calcium is obviously the only thing going for it. And even that you get from other stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I took my advice from this guy called Dr. Greger who wrote a book saying how not to die, and he basically was just, he just puts together a lot of scientific studies on a lot of different people throughout history, whether it's people who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I've believed in. So you think I'm gonna die early because I eat cheese? Maybe I've been suckered in on the old propaganda bullshit. Let me tell you something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry about my vegan agenda guys, I know a lot of people feel strongly about this and I feel, I get it, like totally, I would have like probably even like a couple of years ago been like rolling my eyes at all this shit. It's, it's, I don't know, it's just something which I, I followed it as a religion and it could be, could well just be bollocks but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's fine. I think, I think everything, everything in moderation, you know, like eggs are not great, but you know, as long as you don't have more than one a day, you'll probably be alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've just become a fucking loner in events that just play single player games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I looked at like, basically we have to kind of submit the games for the Jingle Jam by the end of October. So kind of like, it's this thing that we've, maybe we can get an extra week out of it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at the bundle, it's so, it's been so, so tricky. So I had a spreadsheet and I had like my dream list of games for the bundle.