[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids toys, cause that's his thing, right? And they're like, Oh, you've got a box from I haven't put out yet. And he's like, Oh, I'll have a look. And then he buys the whole box and it's got, you know, all these jackpots in there. But I mean, actually the whole thing I will say is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like kind of, I don't obviously do it here and no one even considered knocking on my door, but I think, and also there is a lot of fear around it, right, that oh, you know, sending your kids out, you know, they'll get abducted and, you know, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, it's more of a, if the actual community is putting effort in, because you have like your street parties and stuff, don't you, where they shut off the roads and have their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, have a kind of, everyone in the community kind of gets a little note through the door saying, oh, 29th of June, we're having a street party, bring your own beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before we carry on, we are sponsored by ExpressVPN. Thank you very much. I actually did use ExpressVPN this week. I was in a hotel and the internet there would not let me connect to a certain website, so I just used VPN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yes, you can use ExpressVPN. I do. I recommend it. It creates a encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so hackers can't steal your sensitive data. You don't need to worry about like blocks and stuff and you can, you can use, you can go to other countries and use, you know, Netflix America version and watch the shows there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yes, please secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash triforce. That's expressvpn.com slash triforce. You can get extra three months free. There you go. If you're not using a VPN, you should do. Alright, on with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of, what kind of mad, bloodthirsty, cultist version of sci-fi is this where the space elevator is covered in dead bodies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, they only live a week or whatever, however, fuck knows how long they live. But, y'know, if you could press down your entire lifespan into a week, y'know, everything would be much, y'know, slower, slash quicker, whatever. Do you know what I'm trying to say? No, I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a nice one. I enjoyed it. I was listening to an audiobook. What was the theme of the puzzle? What was the picture? Like anime or something? It was what my mum bought it for me for my birthday. It was, uh, flowers. It was lots of yellow and red flowers and pink flowers. Like a garden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, it's heaven. Holy crap. Uh, but no, I'm, I'm fascinated by, by what you get up to as well, the, the, the situations that you get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the dads and everyone, I dunno, it's all really interesting, I think, it's really interesting. But it's always, you always, everyone always wants what they don't have, right? Like, you wanna be me, but I wanna be you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a stra- it's a funny game, Dota, isn't it? Like, I love and hate it, and I dunno, it's just, I do- I have been playing it, and I'd like playing with Sips, but I- I know what he means, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it feels like when you play an unbalanced game, it's like you either stomp, which isn't really fun, or you get stomped, which isn't fun. How is stomping not fun?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Darkest Dungeon 2 is terrible. I can't stand it. Imagine if Slay the Spire took like seven or six to seven hours for a run. That's where it is at the moment, right? It's so slow. There's like a minute of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Driving a cart between each point on the map, and it's, after you've done it once, you're like, that's fun. After you've done it a hundred times, you're like, this fucking sucks. Why am I driving a cart forever? I'm not waiting a minute between each fucking battle, those battles take long enough anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done too much damage to you. Everything just takes way too long in the game. And then the itemisation is so bad. Like, sure, like, I'm sure the pros are all like, oh, this is a really good item. But half the items I found were like, this gives you 10% bleed resist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' 10% bleed resist? I wouldn't give it, I wouldn't equip this item if it gave 100% bleed resist. Do you know what I mean? Like, and then the other item I got was, oh, you regenerate 15 health per turn. And I was like, oh, well that basically means that guy is now unkillable, because of the way the game works. So it's like, items that are absolute shit, items that are absolutely broken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just completed my playthrough easily, the first one, because I had this item which healed my guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's nice to see it again, but like, where's the new stuff? Like, where's the new fucking stuff? Like, sure it's a new game mode, but like, and the graphics are nice, cause it's all 3D and it looks cool, and the enemies are, some of the enemies are new and cool, but man, it just takes so fucking long! Like, Darkest Dungeon 2, no. I just, it actually made me want to start off tip again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know, like, I'm just not a fan of, of, I'm a fan of Darkest Dungeon, I played a lot of it, you know, and I bought Darkest Dungeon 2 thinking it'd be nice to do that again, but no, it's, it's not good. Uhm, I was so bored. Shame to hear. I was so bored. It was so slow. I guess I'm just used to playing games that do the same thing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't realise Adrien Pies was co-op. We should, we'll play it with, I'll play it with old Duncan then. That sounds good. Cause me and him used to play Adrien Pies together. Yea, you can play it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you're used to, I suppose if you've got that right click and move and navigate the map.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You be your own decision maker. You choose your own future. You pave your own path and carve your own way through. Make your own town. Make your own roads. Melt your own space elevator with corpses on it. Write your own flying fantasy book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it is very easy for that to happen though, for like, you know, YouTube's talking about someone and then you hear one thing and you're like, I believe this totally. Right? So for example, uh, I don't know if I can tell this, but I was on a whole, did I say this? I was on a whole day with some folks and one of them is, is working at a work, is a published author.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I need to know. Okay, fine. I'll type it in Discord. Uhm, I'll just type it in Discord. No, don't do that! Why, I'll delete it again. Alright. Okay, there you go, I put it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, and I believe it because this person who I was on a holiday with is a publisher also at that publishing house and, you know, I believe that this is true now, um, and it's amazing the stuff that you just, that can ruin your legacy, you know? Yeah, well. Once that all comes out, which I'm sure it will. It's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I, uh, was, was, was okay. And so I didn't have a chance, I called the plumber and they came round, and of course they didn't come round. They said, oh, I'll be round, I'll be round, I'll be round, I'll keep promising they'll be round. They didn't come round at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, for fuck's sake. So the next day, uhm, I was like, obviously still haven't had a shower. And I'm like, what am I fucking gonna do? And the, the, the problem's like, don't worry, I'll be here, like, 11. So I was like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my partner, I was like, can I, can I, can I go, you know, to the, to the office and, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still wasn't fucking here. I was like, you're fucking joking me. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he turns, finally turns up, and of course he can't fix the problem. He's like, I got all to some parts. So I'm like, I've been like two days, and I'm like, I really want, like every hour I'm like, I really want a shower, like more and more. Uhm, I just, I just, it's, it's almost like, it probably wouldn't have bothered me if I wasn't thinking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is, it was just out of my control, and at that point I did go to the office and have a shower, because we got this shower desk, which is by the way, the fucking smallest possible footprint cubicle you could possibly imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a vertical astronaut fucking shower or some shit where you fucking squeeze your way in, you get the shower and then you can't really even like bend over to like, like dry yourself and so you have to sort of try and lift your legs up to put socks on again. It's a disaster anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is this thing, this study, well that's not a study, there's this thing called, uhm, micro-morts, right, which are one in a million chance of dying, okay. So, it kind of is a way to measure the riskiness of day to day activities, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's kind of an interesting idea because one micromort is roughly equal to living one day at age 20, right? Okay. So if you're 20 years old, a whole day, you have a one in a million chance of dying, of something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still people do get murdered from time to time. You do get a murderer or two once in a while. Uhm. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so for every 40 teaspoons of peanut butter you eat, uh, that day, you've got an extra one in a million chance of dying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the point. I think, I think generally eating 40 teaspoons of peanut butter gives you an increased chance of dying by one in a million. Okay. It gives you one micromalt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think, I think the idea of this is that it just increases your chance of dying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, it kind of is a way to track the riskiness of an activity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are cumulative and some of them are not. Like, the riskiness of living a day is one, but the riskiness of eating four teaspoons of peanut butter over a year is also one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uhm, in the same way, eating a hundred charred steaks is also one. A hundred? A hundred, yeaah. In a day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well let's just calculate. So you're like, let's just say you've got one in a million shots of dine every day. So over a year, that's the 355 micromorts, right? How many peanut butter did you eat over the course of a year? Teaspoons or steak?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're talking like 1 micromort per month, so you can add an extra 12 micromorts. So you're at, so you go 365 as your basic, but then you're adding 12 more, that'll cost you 377 micromorts. Right. Uh, so, so, so other things- So what are my chances then, doc? Well, there's a lot more. There's a lot more things that can kill you, right? Okay. So, eating a thousand bananas, that has- Okay. That's another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but bananas have particularly more because of the potassium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, it's 20 miles is quite a lot of steps. I think it's probably about 50,000 steps or something. It's a lot. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, more than you think. If you travel 200 miles by car, that's one micromort. If you travel a thousand miles by plane, that's one micromort. And if you go rock climbing once, that's three micromorts. Okay? So rock climbing, quite dangerous. However, it gets worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you scuba dive, that's 5 micromort per dive. Scuba diving per 5 per dive. Uh, if you run a marathon, you've got a 7 micromort increase. Yeah, well I mean, there's a lot that can go wrong during a marathon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go skydiving, uh, it's 8 if you're in the UK or US, but 10 globally. So obviously more people dive skydiving. You're more likely to die outside the UK or the US if you go skydiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, riding a motorcycle for 50 miles, that's 10 micromoles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have a general anaesthetic, right, where you get knocked out for an emergency operation, that is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even worse than that is using heroin. If you use heroin once, you get, that's a 30 micromort increase. Just from one, one heroin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think all of these stuff would probably help your karma. Giving birth is tricky, because it's on here a couple of times, it's got different stats for what kind of way you do it. So Caesarean has the worst chance you can die. There's 170 micromorts involved in Caesarean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I haven't mentioned the, um, age related issue here. So obviously when you're age 20, you only get one micromort per day, right? But that goes up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's still, it's still, it's a 6 in a million. It's not a big chance. And even that increase from 1 in a million to 6 in a million, you know, you still don't, those odds are alright, you know. I'd play, I'd go to the casino with 6 in a million, just to, you know, it's not a problem. But when you get to 75,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The chance you'll die on a given day is a hundred in a million. Which is suddenly, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, probably. So on average in England and Wales, about 24 people die per day, I think. Well no, basically half a million people die on average in England every year. And there's what, 60 million people? So yeaah, there's a lot of people dying every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So 1400 people die a day in Ireland and Wales. So I think on average the micromorts, it varies, but yeah, the chances of dying as you get older get a lot worse. If you're 90, it goes up to 500 micromorts per day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like that. Especially if you're mountaineering in the Himalayas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so some of these stats might be interesting to you. So, so obviously playing American football is 20, but if you served in the US Armed Forces in Afghanistan through the entire year of 2010, that only increased your micromorts by the same equivalent of playing one game of American football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10,000 micromort chance of dying. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, compared to things like the Spanish flu, which had like a 3000 micromort calculation, Covid was like three times more, over three times more likely to kill you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, but, so talking about this idea of a dead man's switch, do you, obviously people prepare for their death by writing a will, uhm, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we need to, like, do you need to do other stuff, though, too? Like, you know, have a little button on the side of your computer that wipes it like they have in those movies, you know, like one of them Amazon buttons that orders new kitchen roll or whatever. You can use that on the side of your PC to wipe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe you have like three people who you, you, you can trust, and they're like trusted emails, and if they send like a death certificate to this thing, the men in black come round to your house, and they're like, we're here to collect Pirian Flax's computer, and all the magazines from under his mattress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. I, I think peep beans people have probably died of fake


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope Mr Muller's family can draw some comfort from the fact that his death will be a warning to other charity fundraisers not to push themselves to the limits of endurance, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like you said, I think the micro-morts, the minus-morts that the beans give for your heart probably undo the danger of murdering your wife in an accident. Or a bean argument, yeaah. Or a argument related to beans. Gosh, a bean-related...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that sounds awful. Uhm, and I'm sure it's happened, but that one actually does sound legit bad, P-Flex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very sad. Uhm, but yeah, look, here you go. Eating baked beans can re- reduce your risk of early death from any cause. Because they contain plant proteins, you know, instead of meat proteins. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I admire those people who focus on like, making one thing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was because one sip of Pepsi was nicer, but when you have to drink a whole can of it, it becomes sickly sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this was the whole thing about the Pepsi challenge, right, and it also led to like new Pepsi. It's really interesting all that stuff about, because they made, they basically ended up making their drinks sweeter and sweeter because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any consumer tests showed that people liked Pepsi more and they liked it sweeter, but they did, yes, when they drank one sip. But, you know, it meant that, like, the can was just undrinkable. And you can't really do that in a consumer setting. You can't give people, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, they're gonna get more and more fucking fucked up by it, right? It's like, they're eating it every day. They're gonna eat the harder and harder stuff. They're gonna be like, immune to the sweetness and the deliciousness of barbecue sauce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, okay, if you're, imagine you are like, you've dedicated your life to ketchup, okay, and it turns out that one day, someone brings in this sauce, and it's amazing, and you're like, oh my god, this is, this is blown my mind, this is the best sauce, we need to, we need to get this into production, right, then you find out,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would that be part of the bean spill? You know, I mean, when you go out, do you need to do this WikiLeaks sort of bean spill? I like it. I kind of like it. But the problem is, is that the danger is of course that if this is all centralised, you know, it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think you're some, again, a man in black style. I, I think it's all a marketing gimmick, right? And first of all, anything like this, eh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has to be incredibly consistent. The whole point of Coke and the Heinz ketchup is that they taste exactly the fucking same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the recipe has to be incredibly clear and easy to follow by a lot of people in a lot of different manufacturing plants. It hasn't got one manufacturing plant for Coke. It's manufactured all over the fucking world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Secondly, it's manufactured locally to local tastes, right? And so Coke is used, you know, we use sugar here, they use corn syrup there, it's used, it's different recipes, different things for every different country and it tastes different all over the place according to where it's needed, especially with fast food restaurants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so it's not, it's a fun story that is just clearly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should have grown up and realised that it's bogus. Anyone in a coke factory knows what the fucking ingredients are to make coke. It's sugar, some fucking vegetable oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, ugh, like, if you're writing that email to PFLAX right now, stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just delete it. I don't wanna hear. I don't wanna hear about how Coke is actually some kind of holy grail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bing Crosby's last words were Coca Cola. He said, he just finished a round of golf in Madrid. He shot an 85 and said, that was a great game of golf, fellas. Let's go have a Coca Cola. And then he collapsed and died of a heart attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, nine people were killed by lightning strikes on golf course between 2006 and 2016, and then if you have a heart attack on a golf course, you're incredibly likely to die, because there's no defibrillators, you're miles from anywhere, and there's no way to respond quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this is it, the golf, the exercise of, of doing the golf decreases your chance of having a heart attack, but if you have one when you're out there, you're much more likely to die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, huh? Interesting. Interesting stuff. So maybe do golf, but maybe don't stand near trees when it's raining. When it rains, just go home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, that's what it's called, that's why it's called that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's terrifying. Nature. Good old nature. I always forget, like, how, uhm, how badass it is. It is nuts. Until I'm like, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really is, yeaah. It's badder, especially, well, especially when it's fucking coming in through your fucking ceiling on the old bloody boiler pot. Speaking of that, I better actually go, cause the plumber is still due, uh, over five days later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep a journal, keep a diary, I wanna hear, I wanna hear from you guys. Alright, well look, thank you everyone, uh, see you soon, we love you, and uh, be good to each other. Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, uh, my youngest daughter has Covid as we speak. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say, number one, Tommy, it's working for you, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Laughing face. Tommy laughing face is like, I mean, that's clearly, I don't know, it could be an email, but go back a little longer and there are, there is no thumbnail and he's obviously decided, you know what, thumbnails is the way to go. And he's right. Thumbnails is important, but it just makes me laugh because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He needs some, some new headshots. Because the- I'm looking, Minecraft's funniest YouTuber talent show, We Ruin MrBeast's $10,000 Minecraft mod, and Minecraft's funniest YouTube pungent games. It's the same exact picture. Come on!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because like, if I click on YouTube, I guarantee you half the videos it shows me are either channels I've recently viewed. I'd say there's a good, a good 5% of the things it shows me. I'd literally just watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 28.1 million viewers, his profile picture is just like a goofy black and white smiley face. Yes, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, here, I've got a question, hold on a sec, I'm gonna bring in, I'm gonna bring in an opinion from the target audience, cause this is a rare opportunity, my daughter is actually in the house, cause she's off poorly, I'll get her to stand at a distance,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of these guys, like the Tommy in it, doesn't do a video every day, and I think that that's quite important, because I think a lot of these people, when they get to a certain point where they're big, they do a video every day, and that means the quality really drops off, because you just can't do something, like they, like, if you look at-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's plays over and over and over again. I think they kind of want something, either a group of people that they enjoy watching or they want to see something like, uh, like Spiff. Spiff has always come up with some game he's broken. He goes away into the Spiff Labs and comes back with something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unlike Marmite, which is a love or hate thing, I also don't mind a more slender tush, like that's fine too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? I'm not picking one thing and objectifying it, and I'm not objectifying women, it was merely a comment on butts and their largeness, or the lack thereof, and the fact that you can give a take.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a pound a month, right? Or something cheaper. It's like £10.99 a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they were, and then they stopped making games, so yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I got a PS4 for uh, for Red Dead 2, right? Like that was it. That was enough of a game that I was like, I am gonna buy this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh it was. But my PS4 has sat, where is it? It's on a shelf around here somewhere, for years, like whenever I finished that, that was the last time I tried it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did play that Spider-Man game on the PS4, and that was actually really good. Which one? Uh, but I thought, I can't remember, you web slinging around, you fight people, you upgrade your lag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like, obviously being a console game, it's gonna be quite arcade-y, and I just think, I've done that, and alright, I'll be able to do more of it as the game progresses, but there's not a storyline there that I'm interested in, and it's just, it's not enough. It's not enough. Like, especially because there's no multiplayer, it's not like some strategy game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I fucking have not been playing this game this week. Oi! If anyone out there plays...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just get the computer to do it. I just get to fucking come up with it. Like I mean, even in hearts of iron, the tank designs now, I don't really know what's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Let me tell you what the difference is. It's the kind of people who, like when I stream and talk of, pop up in chat and tell me the ammo I'm using is like 3.5% less efficient than someone else. That's it. It is min maxi. That's the level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's my problem with Ultima and Dreadnoughts. If anyone in the YouTube comments I've been looking, my torpedo boats won't fire their fucking torpedoes. And I'm setting it to aggressive and I'm shift right clicking the enemy. They ain't shooting this shit. What is going on? Please help me. I just want to fire my torpedo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the fights, it can be, like this fight yesterday, and I just looked up, I was like, god, it's quarter to seven, like I've been doing this for 45 minutes and just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zoned out, watching my ships plink at their ships, and it's like popping up report, ooh, that will ricochet, ooh, partial penetration, that did five damage, for like 45 minutes, these ships just chugging, we're following them, we're catching up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe every 10 minutes we gain on them by half a mile maybe? Like which, and this is at three times speed I'm running this. Just chugging towards each other, trying to get in range to fire our torpedoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're in heavy cruisers, they're doing like 18-19 knots, so it's a very slow race, you're gradually catching up to them, get into a Peter range and the lads don't fire the torpedoes, what the fuck, please help me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're mostly negative. It's really frustrating. Well, I'm looking, it's actually mostly positive for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here, I think here's what's happened is we, we've reached a point in, in the capitalist system where people have no fucking idea what money is for anymore and, and how value works and we've lost track and you have some people who have so much money that they could afford everything they physically need and they just don't know


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck money does anymore? Because the price of, like a company tanks and all of a sudden their share price goes up, company's doing great, share price goes down, nobody knows, the markets don't know, people are just gambling all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Purely speculation, it's just become speculation. All we're watching is the- the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gambling. Online gambling is in everything. And all these fucking NFTs and all these fucking cryptos, it's just gambling under another name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I'm not kidding, I think it's fucking awful, and it drives me up the wall. It's pure speculation. Everything now is speculation. People are buying virtual shit in case it's gonna be worse. They're like, oh yeaah, this is the bit, this is gonna be the next bit. They're fucking jerking themselves off. They're in on it. I know. You don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like people just discovered the idea that if there's only one of something and people want it, it's probably worth money. Like, this is not a new idea. There's a reason that original Van Gogh paintings sell for a lot of money. Like, this is not some fantastical new idea that they've come up with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at least that's a real thing with a sense of history and culture and importance, not a picture of a fucking monkey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they're saying that, oh, this token goes up in value as the price of that thing goes up in value, then that thing is the thing that's worth something. Like, this is like those stupid CDOs that they had. If you've ever watched The Big Short or read about that crash, the book The Big Short by Michael Lewis is really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole point is that if I have a bond,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like a clump of bonds that has a value. It's gonna pay out to me a certain amount, and it has value. I bought a load of debt, essentially.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now someone else is betting that this debt is gonna be good. And they are able to create a security based on that bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then someone can bet on their bet and so on and so on and so on. That's all we're doing. It's madness. It's creating gambling on the value of a thing and then that- that gamble has value. And you can bet on the value of that thing's value. It's ludicrous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm sure there'll be people saying it's very simple and you're just not smart enough to understand and period and you're wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got cameos in it, so the main character is fucking Sylvester Stallone who's a million and three years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Believe it or not, Van Damme plays the bad guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger is in it briefly, Bruce Willis is in it briefly, there's, uh, Jet Li is in it briefly, it's got a couple of other actors, I don't know who they are, but they're just big lugs, uh, it's got Dolph Lundgren in it, um, and then- Chuck Norris is in it, Chuck Norris is in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, this one goes everywhere. She says to Stallone, please help us. You've gotta help us take them down, please. And he says, sorry, we've got business with them already. And leaves. But then they don't leave. They just stay. But so he says to her, he does his best acting where he looks sad at this story about how their kids have been taken and made to work in a mine. And he just says, oh sorry, yeah, we can't help. And in the next scene they're helping them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, Arnie says to Bruce Willis, I'll be back. And he says, you're always saying you'll be back. I'll be back. And he goes, and as he's leaving, Arnie says, hm, yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. And I was like, what is going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's look up how old Sylvester Stallone is. Alright, he's 75. Jesus Christ. So he is in this movie, and there's this much younger, very attractive Asian woman in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. It's so stupid. It's just unbelievable. But yeah, I honestly couldn't recommend it enough. There's a bit where Chuck Norris kicks a guy into an x-ray machine because they're fighting at an airport. And then when he shoots him, we cut to the x-ray monitor and you see his skeleton convulsing as the bullets slam into him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, how could you not enjoy that on some level? Stallone's big plan to get into the mine is to fly their plane into the tunnel of the mineshaft, the winds get ripped off, the plane almost blows up, they all almost die, and he's just like, how am I gonna get in? And he goes, you gotta plan. He says, you gotta plan, that's not gonna get us killed. And Stallone's like, mm-hmm, probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are definite moments where it does. Like it's not just played for laughs. Like there's some tongue-in-cheek stuff in there for sure. But a lot of it is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything's making us cross right now. We feel old, the movies with people even older than us are still getting made, crypto is a thing, NFTs are a thing, the world's going to shit, there's gonna be a war with Russia by the time this podcast goes out, it's a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what, the uh, the tremor was felt in East Anglia. It was picked up on like, people's home monitors that they have for monitoring these kinds of things. People have all kinds of weather stations for monitoring shit in their back garden, I think my father-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not- not so- I mean, John Scalzi's collapsing empire stuff is quite good, uh, I've been enjoying that. And, uh, it's- John Scalzi wrote Red Coats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was quite a fun, um, book about the life of the red, the red, red shirts. I think it's red shirts actually, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They ca- they say to old people, we'll give you a brand new young body, your brain is gonna go into it, but you have to serve in our colonial marine forces for X number of years, and then you'll be free. Uhm. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is about, uh, this empire that is connected, these huge hubs, these orbital habitats. And they're all joined up by this sort of ethereal sort of link, uh, that's like a hyperspace channel. And the, the issue is, and you find that this isn't a spoiler, this is what happens very early on, they find out that these channels are moving. So the planets are gonna be cut off from one another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the empire that has stood for x thousand years or whatever, when these, when these sort of pathways move, you can no longer travel. They don't have FTL travel, they have to use these special pathways. And when they collapse or change direction, you're fucked. Like how are we ever gonna get there again? You're never gonna see this planet again. Which is not uncommon, we've had this before, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slow, slow ships to turn up with a new gate. So they're reconnected to the Empire. What's changed in the meantime?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they've lost touch with the society that they're a part of. I mean, imagine if a huge chunk of Britain just floated off into the ocean and we had no way of communicating with them and then we brought them back in. What would they be like? What would it change? You know, would they suddenly feel like, wow, actually we're a separate thing now. So it's quite interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but his books are really good, and if you want something more lit- more literary, Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall trilogy is exceptional. The- the, uh, the final part, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Mirror and the Light, uhm, came out a couple of years ago, so you can read the full trilogy now. It is exceptional. It is exceptional. Every page will have a passage on that you will just have to stop and put the book down for a second and marvel at what a good writer she is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm enjoying this morning? After, well, I had to go do some, uhm, some, some, uh, time-sensitive dad chores today because our Tommy Tippie Perfect Prep machine, uh, that we use to make, uhm, bottles for the baby, the filter is due to be changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had, we had to run out and get a new filter while I was there. I got some diapers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a shot of scalding hot water to kill the germs that may be present in powdered formula. So the idea is that the perfect prep machine will start by deploying one hot shot


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of like, uh, really, really hot water. Like it, this, it coils it up and just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makes, makes like a, it's like an ounce of super hot water, and then you add however many measures of formula you need to, to the hot water, stir it up a little bit, press the button again, and then it tops it up with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not, not really, no, it's, it's very different, but. So anyway, so I went and got that and then I had to, and then while I was there, you know, as you do, I just ended up getting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's actually called Ice Age, and with the uh, with the voice talent of Ray Romano, amongst others.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ray Romano. Ray Romano from the Bronx.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's me, yeaah. If I'm around, if somebody like, uh, who is a lot smarter than me is talking and people start laughing, that's my cue. I will join in and laugh too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I don't know what's going on, so I just need to make sure that at least I'm pretending to fit in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That side of the triangle exists for a reason. Being awkward to your personal trainer, having questionable views on retail establishments and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Triangles of power that form to make one very powerful triangle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, when we're working through all of these problems, uhm, in real time on the podcast, and then we solve them, which we often do, because we're pretty smart guys, uhm, it's a case closed, put the stamp on, boom, into the void.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hit me with another one. Can I just say as well, the mailbag could be a bit better. That so far it's not been great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that's a good question. What made us start the podcast? I think we just thought that it would be... We were doing, we were playing games and stuff together, right? The three of us? We would do like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, you, you don't, you, you don't get unless you try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was, it was weird because at the time, I don't think we really thought too much about it. It just seemed like a fun thing to do. But like, like a lot of things in life, I don't know if you can relate to this, but it, uh, it was easy to do, but enjoyable as well. And it's never been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, it's never been something like, oh fuck, you know, I've got to do that this week or whatever. It's always just been like, yeah, I'm just, I'm ready to go catch up with the guys and see what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that's why it's kept going. Cause none of us actually find it to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like a pain or an overhead or anything like that. We just all like doing it. We have a time to do it. We can plan things around that time that we always do it. And man, we've, we've recorded a lot of them too, right? Like we're well into the 200s. Yeah, it's insane. So, uh, yeah, I think that's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is probably the longest I've ever kept anything going. Really? Like, uh, and I don't even really think about it much, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just one of those naturally fun things to do that we just kinda do all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know what I was talking about. Now that I'm 75 years old, I look back on my 40 year old self and I think, jeez, could have done things a little different there, buckaroo. Maybe, maybe better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, probably not actually. I'm perfect. So, you know, it's, uh, we were just talking about, um, uh, one of the, the mailbag question, Lewis, because you missed it was, um, what made you start, uh, doing this podcast and what keeps you still doing it? And we said, um, that it's just fun and, and, and I wouldn't say after this. And I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's one of those things where it's not, uhm, it's not a pain in the ass to do, right? It's just, y'know, we sort of plan our weeks around it and stuff, and we cover for if we're away sometimes. I don't have many friends. It's easy. It's easy, fun, laid back, uhm, talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell her, tell her I love her as well. I'll tell her. While you're at it. Thanks. Lewis, is there anything you'd


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not even making the most of it, I think it's just kind of accepting it and then, you know, trying to have a good humor about it or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't think his sperm would probably be fine too, you know? Cause I mean, just because he works at printers, it doesn't make his sperm any less valuable. He's still, he's put in the work, he's qualified, he just happens to have a shitty job off the back of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is a big philanthropist. Uhm, if you look him up, he does a lot of charitable work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I think he does tons of charity stuff, like, cause I was reading about him, just, for no reason recently, uh, it just so happens, but yeah, I think he still-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No idea what that is. I don't remember, but his character was very popular from Forrest Gump with war vets, who had had amputations and stuff like that, because of his depiction of that character, and a lot of them would come up to him and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, thanks for, thanks for portraying that in the way that you did or whatever. I found it helpful and stuff like that. And I think this happened so often that basically he set up sort of a charitable foundation to help these people out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two groups of enthusiasts, one around Star Wars and one around Ghostbusters, and any time there's anything, like a street party, or like uhm, during the summer they do like Battle of Flowers, like a big parade and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These guys are always there and sometimes they even turn up to like corporate events and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's just a bunch of guys who dress up with like, they got really, really great stormtrooper costumes and all sorts of different ones, right? Like they got like first order ones, the speeder bike ones, uh, there's like, I'm pretty sure there was like a emperor's imperial guard, like the red one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there was a pilot one, you know, like the Darth Vader-ish looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a kid in my grade one class who dressed up as Spider-Man for Halloween one year. He came to school. We had to wear our costumes to school. He came to school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, the, the pants didn't fit very well, so you could see exposed his tighty-whities, and every once in a while, like if he bent over, you could see the crack of his ass, which was like, kind of immersion breaking, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the last season, the thing with the last season of Game of Thrones that people didn't like was the urgency of it, right? In the sense that they would skip a vast amount of time very quickly and nonchalantly, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of string are you using? Like, I'm just imagining you like a little bit of sewing thread with a magnet attached to it. Like, what are you using? Like some, like some- No, no, no. It's like a fucking- Fucking titanium wire? It's some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, having a weapon that could, uh, that could spoof the metal detectors. He made himself out of resin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He made it out of resin and stuff but he really struggled to find a blueprint that didn't include any metal whatsoever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's the one. And then it turns out that when Clint Eastwood gets into the line of fire, the thing that saves him is a Bible. Or is it his badge? On his heart. He's gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, he's a busy guy, he's a man about town, you know, he's out there in Twickers, like, you know, he's got his pimp cane, and he's going around to the local butchers, and Mr. Butcher, and he's going to the bakery every day and stuff, like who could be out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could be doing anything, I mean he's got two kids to look after and stuff, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think uhm, I mean, I come from a country where hunting is a big deal, and there's enough guns around that and stuff, and it's whatever, but I think if you can do that, if you are a gunsmith, that's your job title, and you know how to make guns and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like that's, that's pretty cool actually. Like, and it is a little bit weird too, I don't think I've ever met somebody who, um, who does a job like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's obviously like, uh, a place for, for somebody with those skills, right? Like, I mean, there are professions that rely on, on weapons, you know, some people need them for like pest control, some people need them for all sorts of reasons, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess is that a thing in the US? I've never considered it. Like, would you take your gun in to get it repaired? Cause I'm sure they break. Like, they jam up and break and stuff. Like, where do you take that? Just back to the shop that you got it at and they can repair it? Or what? Cause like, I wonder if it's like an iPhone, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wouldn't that just be a postman? Well, it depends. Like a courier is kinda like a postman too, but it's like a bit different, right? So maybe a letter carrier is similar to that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, these are, the thing is, like, uh, I mean, I don't go on these rides because, not that I'm scared of dying, like, I'd just be sick all the time, or whatever, but, I mean, it's, it's, it's, I think it's gonna happen, right? Like, uh, it sounds bad, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're relying on people not waving their arms where they're not supposed to and stuff like that. You know, like, accidents are gonna happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a long time ago. You know what, actually, I played Happy Wheels on YouTube in 2011, it must have been? No, no, 2012 for Father's Day. I did a Father's Day special, so that's a long time ago. It's like 2012.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, on the day of his birth, uhm, I came home that night, I left my wife and child in the maternity ward safely. You cried. I came home and I played open TTD on the Jingle Jam with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is so fascinating with the fucking underground tunnels for the ambulances and how the members of staff like, just like, uh, you know, like they got all those little like, it looks like fucking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. But that's what they do though. They spend a ton of money because it's still less than they would have to spend on lawsuits and stuff for people getting injured or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, amongst you as well, and they just look like parkgoers, there's like undercover members of staff for like emergencies and whatnot, right? Like, uh, yeaah, I'm assuming, especially in the US, right, where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, because it's like a big, a big place with lots of people in it. It's like, it's probably part of their security and stuff as well, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm assuming, I'm saying, especially in the US, but I'm assuming that it's probably everywhere when you think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I think I have heard it, but it's one of those ones where, like, you just, out of respect for the, uh, for the old, for the old joke, you just gotta laugh, right? You gotta give it its due, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What other pirates are jamming glass artworks up their ass though, as like their, as their MO? None, I would say. Well, they've all got some weird shit going on, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's our own male marshal, the maestro of male, uh, the master of male, the, uh, the purveyor of post, the, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't believe he fucking headshot me. I got head-eyes'd again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did all the people that you went on holiday with get to, uh, experience this, this level of ranting from you as well? Did you go off on one big time, or did you try to- That's why he's doing it now. He hasn't done it for a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We may all brag this is where we listen to your complaints about the things we've said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all dead anyways, they're down gone. Very litigious, you're right. Alright, well let's get on with it, what we got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, but some people consider the Dashboard to be a bit further forward, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well listen, you don't want to accidentally touch a button though, you know, cause that might throw a spanner in the works as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I mention the old tractors, how like, people were going back and buying the old non-digital tractors, because they're just, you can actually repair them, and not send them back to a factory in some weird country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like this, I watched uhm, there was a Tom Scott video this week, where he went out to this place in Germany, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then they were just over the winter when it was too cold to like go through the pipes and stuff because it might freeze and bust them. So during the summers, you just go in and it's a little shed and you turn all the cranks on and it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're very clumsy, if you're a naturally clumsy person, then, you know, or uncoordinated, which is like most of us are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're not pro athletes. My balance is pretty shit. Well, I am, but. I've actually got like a rough, my bathroom, my shower has a rough surface, which originally I was like, ugh, this is horrible, but actually, now I don't worry about slipping around in there. Oh yeah, you gotta have a rough surface.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think we want to encourage people doing this. Some people get really annoyed about this, and if your partner finds out, you know, it can be... I mean, look, we've all done it. And we're all still here. And I don't have athlete's foot. So I guess it's worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I guess the police, they'd get a tip though, wouldn't they? You know, it's not like it's hiding it somehow. It's not like you'd give the police a tip and they'd be like, pull the other one, mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they didn't want to say drug money, but I'm assuming it was likely that, but it's probably some sort of dodgy money. There was some sort of drop going off that was not a toilet related drop. It was a cash related drop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, where are you? Who are you with? Uhm, are you working? It's like, these are like little questions you can ask. Who's your daddy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I recall playing one, cause I got the Wii Fit board, which was obviously terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a classic Super Mario game, and it was Super Mario Galaxy 2. I was like, what are you fucking talking about? That came out, like yesterday. No, it came out in 2010.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's like saying that Skyrim, cause that came out 2011, right? Or Mass Effect 2, which we talked about, came out 2010 as well. And so do we consider Mass Effect 2, like, as a super old classic? No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2004. Yeah, well done. Yeah. I mean, that was really... God, I mean, I play Garry's Mod every week. Yeah, you do, yeah. Multiple times. And that is... That's nearly 20 years old. Yeah. That's mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not a big, they're not a big industry. They're not a triple A studio with hundreds of people. Blizzard, you know, they lay off 300 people every fucking month because they hire 600 people every other month, you know. Uh, the same thing with Riot. They've got like 5,000 fucking people working at Riot and they make fucking League of Legends. Valve's fucking Dota 2 team is like four guys in hoodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It gets off their arse from browsing whatever furry subreddit they were checking out. And it goes to r slash all, and it's like, uh oh, better unban this guy. Alright, let's get back to the mailbag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. That's alright. Today's episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can protect yourself and change your online location on your phone and iPad and computer to watch extra television.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can use ExpressVPN to unblock Netflix and other streaming services and access movies. The other day I googled what the best movies on Netflix were and obviously half of them weren't in the UK, but I could just change my location and watch them, which was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You missed an episode of that. Exactly. So get your money's worth at expressvpn.com slash triforce. You could use the link expressvpn.com slash triforce to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. Thank you very much. On with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ...of, of frustration and noobishness, you know, you were able to really enjoy a game, and I think like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's somewhat changed gaming now, I think. It's why there's this, there's this big focus in gaming of like, retention, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the idea that everyone, when you sell a game on Steam, you can see how long everyone's played it for, how long they, how much refund rate is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's all these little metrics that you track, like how sticky


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would I want to learn this? Like, ugh, it's annoying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then like I think the deeper you go into it, the more it kind of pays off. And I think that's maybe the case with Shakespeare. Like I can imagine a guy really hating Shakespeare and kind of being like, what the fuck are we, why is, why are we wasting our time on this? Like I can totally see that sentiment. But then I can see also like him being taken to one side and being given like the, the inside information, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of those dumb games that is so prevalent, in the sense that Scrabble and Monopoly are as well, and you learn those as a kid, even though they're shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, chess is just, it's nice that it has this enormous history and I wonder, moving forward, you know, what we will be, you know, what will be the thing that all kids know, you know, what will be the tradition. Super Mario, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Left corner, do you know what I mean? Such a bizarre move that you wouldn't even consider necessarily doing it, right? And so, it was like, uhm, they almost showed that he didn't cheat because he didn't behave, he didn't do the best move. Which is really weird, uhm, that we've come this far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't stand the glitch speedruns, fuck them. I also don't really like the constant fucking pausing of the timer every time


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone goes to a black screen or whatever, or a loading screen, right? And I understand why, but people abuse it by like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great, like going back to the main menu, or all F4 in the game, do you know what I mean? Anytime I see that I'm like, I'm not interested in this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a couple of good big YouTubers who do this thing where they do a 6 hour or 12 hour game cut down into like 30 minutes. And that's the thing on YouTube now, which I think has become the norm to see, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People making a table or people, you know, building a house or digging a hole or doing something in 30 minutes, you know, like with them sort of doing a little commentary of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think it's got multiple layers though, right? One, it's like, it's giving you, it's a game you love seeing, you know, and you're like, how have you broken it? So it's almost like a detective thing, first of all. Then it's, the second level is the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's going to teach me some tricks that I can use in my game. And then the third level is just interesting to see what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usually it's a very, very slow experience being done with the boring bits cut out, you know, and so it's almost like you don't have to play the fucking game, you can just enjoy it in half an hour in a much more bite-size


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] version. And I just think that's so appealing. And it's definitely got that speedrun energy. It might not be a speedrun, but it's got the same vibe. And often speedrunners are pretty,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's far too many in there, and it's so hard to be original. I mean, I guess that's where Hollow Knight and these Metroidvania star games have really innovated, and they're great. And this is the Precision one, so the other version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's some brilliant games that, like Hollow Knight for example, yes, look, people say it's a Metroidvania, but that is, it's a 2D platformer, really, in it's core. Gentlemen!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, it's easy to be negative about these things and it is easy to see the decline of the high street as, you know, people and traditional shopping, you know, I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The online, you know, the juggernaut of Amazon has taken so much, um, from small businesses and shops and stuff. And talking about like the Hogg's restaurant, that thing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the, all, all making, you know, other things like, like, like movies or doing different things, making games. And that's why a lot of countries have put government, a lot of government funding into the arts industries. Look at South Korea's like kind of incredible


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the thing, it's really interesting, you know, we're always talking about games because I'm always sort of talking about games because we're looking at sort of publishing games now and, and there's a huge amount of money out there that people, especially governments are throwing at people like Canada is throwing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there have been some talks about this, to avoid what's called a race to the bottom though, because if you're not careful, you know, everyone just starts undercutting each other, and then no one's paying any tax, you know, so there's talk about having like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically what you could do is you step into the shed, and then you could spin around like in a VR game, but you can't actually step anywhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want one of these. It looks like it smells nice, of wood, it looks like a sort of lovely, um, place to escape the wife. Oh my goodness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There isn't a lot of space on any of the desks though. He's got like, I reckon you could fit basically two sheets of A4 paper on the amount of wood that he's free to work on. It's not a large workspace, it's so packed full of tools and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a t-shirt you can get, uhm, which, if you, if builders can wear, which makes, which is like a woman, uh, with long hair, and her chest is just like, just cut off above the cleavage, and the asscrack


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Part of me is thinking that we live in this dick pic world now, and people do want to show these things off, and so there's a good chance, especially if it's a guy plumber,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awful, I hate seeing it, but, and I usually, I don't know, I think a lot of people wouldn't say anything, right, and it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would feel like I was, I feel like really dirty about that though, d'ya know what I mean? If it was a woman's ass, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either, but in a different way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, imagine this big fat builder comes round, right, and he's in your workshop, and he's like installing a lathe or whatever, right, and he's bent down, and his ass crack show, and you're staring his ass crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the answer just has to just be, if you see something like that, just avert your gaze immediately. Uh, say oh! Oh my goodness. Oh! Would you like a biscuit? Would you like a biscuit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some people might just have slightly higher asses, do you know what I mean? And they just, they just... What, and they're all planos? ...are on show more easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, okay listen though, on that subject, I had some Jordans, it wasn't country crisp, it was like nuts and clusters or something. Holy shit, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the right demographic, he's in his 40s, he's got disposable income, he's got kids and everything. This is the type of guy that these places, uhm, depend on, right? Yeah, exactly. Flax is the kind of guy who would, who would seek out a local craft brew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blaz, how far away are you from your house to join the 12 hour queue to pay respects to the queen, uh, lying in state?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad would have probably remembered, uh, the king before. Yo, your dad is over seven. She, uh, she took over in 1952 and your dad is like almost a hundred, so like. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's definitely a degree of covering up, but I think also she, uh, just really took the job seriously as well. I think there's probably a couple of bits and pieces, but overall, like I don't think that she,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she had an idea of how things should be, and lived that as well, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what they say, right? They say, uh, even about politicians, like, they say the best politicians would never run to become a pol- a politician, right? Like, the best candidates. They're reluctant heroes, yeaah. Yeah, they would never wanna even do the job, right? Like, they- they've asked people, like, uh, in the past, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, for instance, I'm not saying that I would like Oprah Winfrey to become the president or Dr. Phil or whatever, but these are, these are big icons in, uh, in American culture, right? That people have often said like, Oh, what if Oprah was president or whatever? But she's even said herself, like, I would never, I would never even.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's just a very sort of like high ranking ambassador for all intents and purposes, right? She's like a diplomat. She's a cultural head, like an icon, but really like all she does is she receives important people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, but the argument that like they cost us money and all that, I mean it's like, in the grand scheme of things, it's like a fucking rounding error, the amount of money that they get from the taxpayer. It's not actually that much, like it's a drop in the pond sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with like the way all of this is, uh, like I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care either way, but like, a fact is a fact, right? Like, if you have issue with the way that money's being mismanaged, you should channel your anger towards the shitty government that's been in place for the last decade or so and probably not the monarchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think the last, I think the last queen that, that properly meddled in politics was probably Victoria, but, but even then, controversially, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the Prince consort at the time was like not happy about it and would like constantly tell her not to, but even then it was behind the scenes. She couldn't just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't really be outspoken on your views and stuff like that in that capacity even back then and that's a long time ago, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know it's front and center right now, like, you know, because the Queen has died and it's dominating the news in the UK for sure, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's not always like that, right? You hear about the Royals every once in a while, like if they monumentally fuck up or, you know, a new ship is built or something like that, but otherwise you barely hear about them, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that was 2019. That really awkward interview was years ago now, right? Like, and like, what- Yeah, but we still hear about it. Yeah, but the only thing that's really happened since is, uh, I guess Harry and Meghan, which nobody really cares about. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that makes me laugh all the time with the royals and people's perception of the royals and like all these gossip magazines and stuff like that is how they kind of try to equate them as normal people. And yea, they will be normal people in some senses for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really really different lifestyles, right? But then like, I love how these magazines always try to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, off the top of my head, I can't think of one, okay? Like, I was like, when are they gonna legalize marijuana in this country? How about that? Yeah, there you go. There you go, Hannah, answer that. Riddle me this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When can I buy some, when can I buy some, uh, weed legally?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like an exposed butt. An exposed butt. I woke up and there it was, right in front of my face. His exposed butt. I wonder if that's even grounds for a trial. I guess there must be quite a lot, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a game, right? Like uhm, you remember all the stuff that they had to go through with jury selection and uhm, all of the hoops and everything like with big trials, like the OJ trial, for example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they're, they're pieces to, you know, they, they want, they want people that they can say this person is definitely going to vote in favor for us. These are, these are people that we're not sure about. And then there's going to be a handful of people that, you know, for sure aren't going to vote in your favor or whatever, but you're, you're just trying to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're trying to assemble the board as, as, you know, if you will, like to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes with cases though, the, you know, like the, the, the evidence and everything just speaks for itself, right? There's no, there's no question. People are just like, oh, well, whatever, you know what I mean? Be crazy to not convict this person or whatever, but it's the, it's, it's the, it's the cases where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not, there's not an overwhelming amount of, uh, of evidence. So it's left to kind of opinion or like gut, you know, gut feelings about something. Those are the ones that are the most unfair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just like, like I know just from watching stuff as well, like, you know, like the staircase, making a murderer and stuff like that. I feel like those cases, especially the, the evidence is not like super straightforward. And then there, there is a lot of emphasis on the, on the jury being picked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Properly to swing it, you know, either way or whatever as well. There's a lot of like people coming into, into the, into the jury booth with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I remember even on the staircase, you know, they're trying to present this evidence that they found the murder weapon and everything and there was like so much evidence to the contrary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So, so it's like all of a sudden you have this like really, you know, smoking gun piece of evidence, but then it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's tough, like in the case of the Sierra case again, I'm just using it as an example, but like, the, uh, the, uh, the accused, um, uh, sexuality was brought into it when it had nothing to do with the crime whatsoever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but the fact of the matter is, is if you, you know, if you're doing jury selection and you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big cases like that, I'd say average, average cases that go through court are very straight forward though. It's like, you know, yeaah, here we have video evidence of you killing somebody, uh, you're guilty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might, you might have settlements or, you know, like if, uh, if you injured yourself at Disney World or something like that, you know, like you'd probably get a settlement before it went to court or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we, uhm, can I tell you guys, uh, something interesting that happened to me this week, in fact? Is it gonna be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I've never had before. Are you okay? Well, I think so, yeah. I mean, well, I guess they're gonna find out. Like, that's why they did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which part of you got scanned? My abdomen? Like my middle. So I had to go through the tube, uh, but I was like sticking out the other end, cause like my pelvic area was being scanned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like half an hour. But it can take longer depending. I think with, if they're scanning, like if they're doing brain scans, it's super loud. Yeah. I mean, they give you like headphones and sort of pipe the radio through so that it's, it's not so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, they got a really big MRI scanner in Jersey, it's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I just like some, like they gave me like a, like a, like a, a kind of like a loose shirt and then some pants, like some, uh, some blue, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like scrub pants, I guess. Were you naked underneath those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I just had my boxers. They said just leave your underpants, your socks and shoes on and then put this on. So I did. And, uh, I couldn't have any of my bling on. I had to take all my jewelry off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, you get on, they put you on the little bed thing, uh, sort of prop you up a little bit, put some headphones on you, they give you this rubber button in case you get like freaked out in there, cause it is like pretty cringy, like it's claustrophobic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that, and then they put it like, you know, like Jordy LaForge style, like right close to your eyes. So that if you look directly at it, the mirror angles out to the back so you can actually see the back of the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you, you don't feel like you're actually inside the chamber?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a VR visor as well, so there was like this, uh, there was like this nice like beach scene with like seagulls and like stuff flying around, clouds moving and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, when you get in there, it's loud as fuck. It's like, it's like beeping and revving up and you can hear it's like chugging and stuff. It's kind of cool. And then, uhm, they just sort of, you can, you got the headphones on. So the lady that was operating the whole thing and doing the scans was like talking to me like the whole time. So she'd be like, okay, stay still. This next one's going to take three minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it'll be loud, so, but don't worry, and I'll talk to you again in a minute. And then, so it just goes like, brrm, brrm, brrm, like making all these noises and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, but you can't move at all. Cause if you move, cause they have to do like this pre-planning for like the, for the scan or whatever. At one point I shuffled a little cause my ass was like kinda sore because I was just laying in the same spot for 20 minutes. And I thought between scans I could just move around a little bit and like adjust myself. And she's like, whoa, wait a second. Did you just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you just sit up completely? I was like, no, I just, I just shuffled a little bit. Like I was a little bit uncomfortable and she's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was a consultant. I went to my doctor and my doctor referred me to a consultant and then the consultant's like, okay, we're going to do this, this, this, and this. And then, but part of it was like an MRI and then there's like a couple of other things as well, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, I don't, like, I'm not actually, like, super worried. Like, it's something, but it's also, like, probably not super serious. But when I know what it is, like, I'll tell you guys for sure, but I don't wanna, like, unnecessarily- It's a new clutch of eggs that you're incubating. Yeah, it's all those, like, miniature Tonka trucks that are jammed up there too, I gotta-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just, the whole experience was interesting though with the MRI and stuff. I know like I was talking to Northern Lion because he had like colonoscopy and a CT scan kind of recently, which is a little bit different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, I mean, I've never had anything like that. No scans, like nothing, you know, like I, like I've had, I've had surgery once in my life and it was keyhole to have my gallbladder removed. But otherwise, like I've never broken a bone or anything, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my experiences in the hospital are fairly limited. So being in that big machine that I've seen on TV enough times or whatever, like, you know, in the Sopranos and stuff, you just think, holy shit, like I've actually been in one of those. It was kind of cool. It was neat. It's impressive, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a, here's a crazy factory, don't step out of line, and everybody does, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except for, except for Charlie. But then, even then, he's rewarded with scorn at the end, right? Well no, actually he does, he gets the, uh, he gets like the super tour, but there is a point where you think, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and with his granddad burping in the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely some crossover content though that you can both appreciate for various reasons, like, uh, you know, married at first sight and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't take big risks with your noggin like that. You've only got one. You only have one noggin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so the other day, uh, Ricky Gervais, uh, tweeted and he said, whenever you're feeling down about life and thinking that no one cares, just remember that you'll be dead soon and none of this will matter. Have a great day. To which I replied on Twitter, thanks! Exclamation mark. And he liked my tweet immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were just, they couldn't believe it. They just couldn't believe it. So there you go. Fascinating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I caught him while he was like, cause he just tweeted it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's already all jacked up because of the aggressiveness of this email.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys see the footage of that guard who collapsed at the Queen lying in state? You know how she's got all those guards around the province?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six hours they gotta stand there for, and this guy just fully, poor guy man, he just fully collapsed, face planted on the ground, like holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, imagine you, imagine you rocked up there, took your post and you're like, alright, you know, it's only six hours, I'll be fine. And then all of a sudden you started getting some tummy grumbles and you're like, fuck, I've got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you just got full on fucking, just like the initial pangs of really bad diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, imagine that. Just having to weather through that for 6 hours while you're standing on guard. Holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next thing ever. Yeah, so fuck you, Lord Sugar, and your dumb opinion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bellend, what a great word. Bellend, yeaah, I love that. I love calling somebody a bellend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love calling somebody a twat, I love calling somebody a cunt as well, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, there's the, there's a few things that are so satisfying in this life, you know, when somebody's just acting like one and you're just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just a whole new regiment of them. There's about eight of them. No, ten of them. Oh man, everybody stopped to look as well. This is kinda cool actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what, it's touching as well. When you see people coming in and they're like bowing to the coffin and stuff, it's kinda nice to know that people are-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a 12 plus hour wait apparently to get through. But they're expecting like fucking millions of people to go through. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, uh, apparently for the funeral, uhm, they, they've invited all these people to come and they said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when you land at Heathrow, we're gonna put you all on a bus to take you to the funeral? Like these are like world leaders and stuff. And Joe Biden's like, I'm not taking the bus. He's got his own fucking tank in the back of Air Force One and stuff, like he's gonna pop on the bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So interestingly with this lying in state business, uh, like for the Queen obviously and King and stuff, but apparently they also extend this to some Prime Ministers, like for instance Winston Churchill lied in state, uhm, when he passed away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does seem very unique, right? Like I don't think they would do anything like this for presidents in, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if I comment on somebody's bazongas, if we're watching TV together and I say, holy crap, look at those bazongas. And my wife would be like, yeah, she's got huge bazongas. Like, you know, we, we can, we can identify somebody who has like just a big pair of bazookas and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk about it together and it's not like, it's not me being like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, it's, like, it's always joking around. I would never comment, uh, hornily on somebody's tits. Ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you're like this with your wife, Flex, but me and my wife are at the point in our relationship where we will just talk about, like, how people look like, uh, regardless of their sex as well. Like, if we're watching a show and somebody's handsome, I'll be like, holy crap, that is a very-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In private, with your significant other. With a like-minded person. Exactly. And we do it all the time. All the time. It's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the main thing, if you're creepy about it, people will pick up on that and that's upsetting for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to, I mean, you have to read the room too, right? If your partner is somebody who doesn't like comments about other people's looks or whatever, you just have to recognize that and that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you guys were saying about the selfies and stuff made me realize, like, uh, recently, most of the people I've met, nobody's asked for a selfie, and maybe, like, maybe I'm just fucking old and ugly, you know? Like, nobody wants a picture with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess most people take a picture of something to post it somewhere immediately and then forget about it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I had, like, I took a selfie with GhostfaceKilla, and like, you know, I posted it on Twitter, but I've never looked at it again. Like, now that I remember that I have it, maybe I'll go back and look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, this doesn't sound great, but Atomic Snowglobe, if you're listening, I think you probably have, I don't wanna say weird, but a recognisable face. You got a big goiter, Simon. Didn't wanna say it at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think he, I don't think it's bad, I just think it's like, more, cause you know Ben is like a generic human being, right? He's like a very forgettable face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's a joke too. All of this is, I think sometimes people just leave an impression on you sometimes and that sticks with you. So, Tom McSnowgill, I hope you're doing well because yeah, big fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, the care and attention that man gives. Well look, I mean, I have had a couple of big long-term breakups in my time, and they've usually happened because something was wrong, right? And it wasn't like Hollywood, it wasn't this shouting and explosions or dramatic stuff, it was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's difficult to- So you've got to get perspective, you're very confused, you're very like, you're very sad about all of the memories that you've made together, and they're somehow tainted now, you're like, oh my god. Everybody handles things-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's a lot of disentangling of your lives, and you know, who gets Terry, you know, who gets all the DVDs, you know, there's a lot of like, you know, there's a lot of also like just, you know, you had a lot of thoughts about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fears for the future, that's what it is. It's like a confusion and this idea of what am I gonna do? What's gonna happen to me? Um, but no, you don't need to worry too much about that because you made it this far and, uh, and you will, you've got, you know, you've got a whole, you know, wait till you're 40 then, then stop worrying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. I didn't realize we had an audio message from him. That's so interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This has happened to me, uhm, so in uni,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, uh, good friends with this guy who was, um, just down the hall, and we used to play, mostly just multiplayer online video games together, pre- this was pre- wow, but we played Dark Edge of Camelot, and we played, um, Star Wars Galaxies together. Right, right, right. And he had one of those guidebooks, right, one of those, what was it called? Brainy Games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Oh my goodness. Oh, and it was, it was quite striking, actually. He was like, stood up, he had his back to me. Oh wow. Now listen, he might have been getting a bone, or she might have just been like, inspecting his pubic area. His pubic area, yeah. It might have been some other... She might have been braiding his bush, or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was like, like trying to hide, you know, like, I don't know, like a sudden emergency, like when your mum, you know, bangs on the door or whatever and you're like, ah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they have got the whole scenes where, y'know, it's him in the future, though, as well, so it does hint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's nice to have a refresh of that universe, because it was a good time. You had good memories with Breaking Bad. It was a good relationship that, you know, sadly was ended, and you want more of it, you know? And that's understandable. Alright, we've got the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well he was doing a PhD, he did a PhD in astrophysics then went into game design. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this the tail wagging the dog though, or the dog wagging the tail? Do you know what I mean? Like, has all of this, was this just the one, he dipped his toe into this world and then all of it consumed him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but do you know what I mean, like, every single one of those things wasn't chosen by him, it was just, he picked one, either the real ale, or going to that pub, and that changed what he drank, what he listened to, what he did, who he hung out with, and his job, and his whole life, you know? Yeah, but there's gotta be some influences in there as well. He was sucked into a hipster vortex, you know, and it was out of his control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's usually not a glass of wine. One time someone actually paid for my meal. Wow. The waiter came up and was like, oh, the guy on this table here has paid for your meal, and I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, so yes, if you did that, thank you, if you're listening, uh, anonymous fan. It was me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a whole, it's a whole, it's all of it in one small fifteen minute drive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We look, the reality is, is that, that we are not scared to talk about, you know, the embarrassing shit that's happened to us, you know? True, true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're real pioneers, and we're confronting this issue. Um, you know, and making people feel comfortable with the embarrassing shit that's happened to them. Like this anonymous guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy clearly was, uh, had healthy gut bacteria. Holy shit, yeah. A nice solid snake, yeah. And yeah, I mean, that shows good gut health, you know? And, you know, obviously he's eaten enough fibre, or not enough fibre, or whatever it is, you know, the right amount of fibre. Yeah, you don't even know. Just enough to warm the knees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was, I was cleaning these windows in this hotel in Magaluf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it just goes to credit, like, I wasn't crediting the organizers with no one dying, I think they were trying to create this illusion that the crowd was some sort of violent hooligans, when, you know, obviously, and obviously there were horrible things that happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder how, how much would it take for you to like get riled up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do provide some sort of windows and stuff for people to buy them, but of course all the scalpers are the kings of how this works, you know. They know their way around it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can just buy these and resell them for twice the price, three times the price, so easily. You know, it's, it's, and, and, you know, once a couple of people are doing it, everyone's like, oh, I can get on the action and double my money here. And before you know it, everyone's, you know, scamming left, right, center, obviously. Unless you have, like, proper registration, where people register with their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then move on to the next project. Like, they, they, and as a result, it's a really shitty situation for people who actually want to attend these events.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what you're saying there is such a risk, right? Because there's so many scams. Like, 90% of the people offering tickets either don't have them, or are just trying to get your money off you. It is so shady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too much of a risk, right? I'm just scared of doing it. And it's shitty, you know? It doesn't need to be that way. It also just kind of creates this different community of people who are actually there. Like the ones you've had to go through scalping and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, P-Flax is saying he's got a plus one, so he can get you in. How much, how much do you want for the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually I do have some, some gold bars in, in Singapore. Perf!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, that's the thing, actually. Um, yeah, I went there when I was in Singapore. But yeah, I've still got it as far as I know. It wasn't very much, actually. It wasn't even a proper gold bar, it was like a share of a gold bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause a gold bar's like, what, 40, 50 grand, so what you can do is you can buy like, a portion of it. A corner. A corner of it. You can buy like, yea, like a corner of a gold bar. Nice. Um, which is not the best way to do it, you should have sort of a more allocated storage, but I- Where do you store all your bitcoins? I thought it would be funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't have any of those. I haven't got any crypto at all. I never bought a single one. Right. Good on ya. You know, it's only a matter of time. But if I did store it, it would be on an external hard drive that I would lose. Of course. Like that guy that lost it in the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you're right. A cheese log. Look at these names for woodlice. On the Isle of Man, they call them a granny grunter. What? I know. They're called like a Billy Baker in Somerset. Billy Baker. A boat builder in Newfoundland. What the hell? Newfoundland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're called Charlie Pigs in Norfolk. They're called Cheesy Bobs in Guildford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't look cheesy at all. They're called Chucky Pigs, and Frawley Bakers, and Daddy Grandfathers, and Peasy Bugs, and Penny Sals, and Piggy Wigs, all sorts of weird shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would louse. Do you reckon people have just edited this Wikipedia page with weird shit? Yea, I think, I think it's a load of rubbish. It's just a joke now. It's mental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this. This is a crazy one. I like that. I like that Millie, thank you. I like to hear those moments where everyone is like, what are you saying? You spotted a cheesy Bob and nobody


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see both sides, but I think the, the Southern American attitude is very filled with honour and this kind of, I don't know, I just, I just feel like possibly different cultures might respond to it differently and, and Southern Americans do have an ever so slightly different