[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta make sure. And then you're like, and it goes worse than when you guessed. You're like, yeah, yeah. He reiterated. Yeah. He was like, dude, I'm not going to. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wanted it to be confirmed. He wanted it to be now. Yeaah. Yeaah. We, we had, with the college one, we had, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going off of being the, uh, opinionated. I thought of it this weekend. Like I don't, I saw this Elvis clip, so let's play this Elvis clip. It's changed, it's back to what I wanted it to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I saw that this weekend and I was like, I gotta get back to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not that I wa- I don't think I'm going too crazy, but it's like with the co- it's like I, you know, what does it matter? Like that's not why you're here. That's not what my job should be. I'm an entertainer. Maybe my job, maybe I'll want to do that one day. You get older, I think. And that's why it gets hard. Especially like it's easy in my act, cause my act is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're writing it and I'm creating like, so here it's a little more free flowing. So it's like, you can end up like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, being like, wow, college, like all this kind of stuff. And you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's everybody, something's gonna work for everybody. You're gonna go to college and you're gonna love it. Or you're not gonna go to college and you're gonna love it. Or you, you know, it doesn't matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, you can feel it where you're like, alright dude, you gotta calm down. You don't, I don't know anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like you're reminding yourself, so I'm hoping to be, look, I can't promise that I'm not gonna say anything ever again. I hope not to. But I'm trying to get, I am working on it. To be just back to being fun. Cause it's like it doesn't even matter if they agree or disagree. Cause it's like it just shouldn't be, that's not why you're here. You know, does that make sense?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's all like internet, like that's, and I, look, I don't think we really, I think these comments are always great and people, I think we do, it's, uh, I think this is all real people, like some of that, you can see something, if you get something that kind of gets a little into the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] mainstream, like it's kind of out of your people that are aware of you. And then that, that kind of stuff starts happening, but that's the stuff that's like, it's like, who cares? Like that's, that's just like, there's people that are, they just, this is what they do. They want to argue or they want to do this and that's their thing and they want to do that. And that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, it's almost like you gotta quit or not. Like, it's like, alright, well then, you realize like, alright, they're there, and it's hard not to, but then you go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who cares? Like it's, it's, they're, that's gonna happen and they're trying to get either you riled up or get into some argument or even if it is like they're taking it like that with the troops and they could even be on your side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of whatever, and you're still like, alright dude, like, it's like, what do you, like, what do you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not think that. Yes. But the people that type it, you know, it's like, cause they're just, you know, whatever, like it's, yeah, like, you know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's, yeaah, that's where I thought of it, I thought of it before I saw this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I just don't like, it was like, I'm getting too, I was worried about it. We have a physics episode coming out too. I don't, this was before I've claimed this. So just so people, I don't think I did anything in physics, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might've, I don't, I might've, I don't believe in, you know, being like I don't believe in physics or something. But I don't know if I did anything in physics, but I was worried about physics. But that one's coming out, so that one. That was a fun one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all very, yeah, I don't think anything super serious. I don't think I'm getting crazy, but it's, it just was like, all right, I could feel it leaking towards that way. And I'm like, I need to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need to back it back down. Cause my act is not doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, that's what I don't want to do. I want to be. And like, and then getting that clip was like even more of it was like, oh, this is, yeah, it's like that. That's what I want. That's what this podcast started. That's what it was. It, but it's hard not to think your opinion, Matt, you know, you think, well, let me get my.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go more, just make it worse and worse. Just the opposite. So then I have to then get, I'm a guy that has to give his opinion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, look, and maybe one day I will. I feel like if you, if you ever one day, like, you know, you get older, say I'm in 15 years, I'm like, ah, you know what? I want to stand up for something, blah, blah. Maybe I will do that. I have no idea. Right now. I know that's not my, my thing. So I got to calm it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There'd be, or I would like dumb stuff. I, look, don't just go through everything. You can't go and pick and be like, well you did it. Like I, I can't promise I'm not gonna, I'm not perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As, uh, no one is except Bates. And then, I said, you're the only perfect one. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Uh, but. That's true. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I might not be perfect on it, and I might still. I'll keep an eye on it. So bear with me, but I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the solar stove is the best fire pit I've seen. Again, it doesn't, you don't smell like, uh, you're around a stove. That's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It never gets better than that. You don't have to wash your clothes. I truly love it. There's no set up. Just unbox it and enjoy. A little Firestar wood. You get an awesome fire. The fire looks great. There's something great about sitting around a fire. It's nice. You do enjoy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, upgrade your backyard with a solar stove, fire pit. It's the perfect way to get outside and spend more time with family and friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Solostove fire pits, they're brilliantly engineered and built to last. They offer a lifetime warranty and a 30 day free return policy. Right now, you can get big discounts on all fire pits during Solostove's Labor Day sale and use promo code Nate at solostove.com for an extra $10 off. That's solostove.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Promocode Nate for $10 off on top of their incredible Labor Day discounts. But hurry! The Labor Day sale ends September 11th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like instead of where your microwave goes, you should just put bricks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be pretty fun. Just brick it up. That would be, I think it sets a tone for when people walk in the house. And they go, is that brick? And you go, what went there? And you go, microwave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to Nashville, so I got a Nashville soccer jersey on, uh, and a hat. It was a Nashville soccer game, uh, with, uh, uh, my brother and, uh, we said they're sweet, uh, they, they, they're, they're company, it's company, GLD, like they have, uh, they actually had, they got a place and it was awesome. And, uh, it was the, that's a, that stadium's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. It was, and that, that stadium was, it was very cool. I saw your video. That stadium was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, the intro is crazy. I mean like the, the field looks different every time the lights go off and on. It's just, I've never seen that before and I was like, that's such a cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, Vandy was supposed to, I think, play there. That would have been awesome if Vandy played there. Yea, they were talking about it. Yea, that would have been, it would be such a different football stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it would be, you know, it's just a different kind of thing. But that place was super cool and, uh, they won, uh, beat Austin, who apparently is number two, is a big win for Nashville soccer. Uh, so yeah, I think, I think I can get into soccer. I'm, I'm, I'm gonna try. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little padding. It'd be like, that's what they would tell you. Aaron, you can't touch it with my hand. You're like, Aaron, do you look like you're the only one wearing that or do you see other people wearing that? And you're like, well, a lot of us have the same shirt on it because then you can't touch it with your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if they go, you gotta use a door. And you wouldn't be like, well just use the doggy door. And you're like, well let's use a regular door. Like that's at least a better chance. Yeaah. It's like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say it about football. I don't think soccer, it's a long field. It's a game of yards. It's a game of running. And, but I, it's kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of enjoy watching it. Like it was, you know, I mean we scored, it was, we won 3-0, but you get over the scoring because you just kind of like the, it's, you know, it's kind of a nice, it feels like it's like kind of calm, it's like back and forth, and then once they get down there, it's like, it's just like rapid, it can become rapid fire of them trying to score, and you're like ahhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, it's pleasant. I watched one on TV recently too, and I just caught myself just like really, I almost like not, like not having the fast pace was nice. It was slow down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go, you should get into sports. And you go, all right. And then they're like, not that, you chose the wrong one. They go, you let me choose anything. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that could be it. Yeah. It was fun. I enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vanderbilt's 2-0, I mean, we're rolling. Alright. Got a good matchup this week against Wake Forest. We're gonna see, uh, we're gonna really see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. That would be awesome. You gotta be pretty famous though. I mean, it's like, they... Sometimes they have some... Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, Nashville's gonna have a lot of country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, I mean, how famous does it get? It gets a little more. It's, uh, you know, uh, yeah. I mean, the people they usually get, they're pretty big. Brad Paisley or somebody like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did Paul Feinbaum's show once. Wow, that's big. I love Paul Feinbaum. No, it was here. It was at Vanderbilt. They were doing it and I went down there and did it. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's funny is like the radio callers are almost like the first internet commenters. Yeaah. And he like, no one takes the radio callers like that serious. Like no one outside of, you know what I mean, those guys do, but it's like yeaah, they're able to like kind of brush it off, but we take the comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think a regular person has ever dealt with that. Like a radio personality is like, yeah dude, people call and hope I die every day. And like they say the craziest stuff and they're mad we don't do exactly what they want us to do. They're probably pretty used to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then now, like, video comments, or, well, it's a person that's not used to it, is you can just have a video go viral and you're like a guy that works at


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] FedEx. And then you're like, the country wants you to die. And you're like, oh, this is great. You know, it's like, now everybody gets a piece of that action. Where it used to be just, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, so you're gonna hear it. Yeah. And they're not a fan. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, it was a great one. That was fun. Yeah. Yeah. They, it's, it's, uh, yeah. Yeah. Look, sports talk's great. It's like, but I don't listen to it's, uh, I listen to music. I used to love it. It's pretty lame now. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I feel like I've seen that, yeaah. But are you one of the old, I mean what's the oldest fantasy league?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, he's from Clarksville? I believe so, yeaah. That's eight wins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot of work that you have to go to, like the ones that do get this correct. I'd imagine it's got to take over your life, which would be where the addiction probably comes in. And it's, uh, you have to be like just obsessed with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not in a fantasy football league. Uh, I haven't been for the past few years. Jigs, it's like, uh, you get, it just, it's a whole thing. And you're like, I don't even, I forget about it. I'm just taking a spot from someone that would want to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I do want the idea of it. You do, you kind of want to play. Like I was, you know, you think like, ah, I'd like to, it'd be fun to do it. You know, like you get some friends and you're, but then it's just like, am I, I'm going to just be annoyed. And the draft too is like, that's a whole, when that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Takes your whole night up. Mhm. But I mean, people that love it, like you have your group, like I do it, I do love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, what'd you do when you were like, you got fired from the... Or not, when you quit your job. I think I got fired. Your catch up was, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got cancelled. You were one of the first ones that ever got cancelled. They, uh, no, you quit your day job. And, but like that, that was, that was a catch up. You go back in and you're like, huh? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they would go up to him though and, you know, be like, they're trying to figure it out. Like it's this, you know, someones like, nah, I saw what he was doing. Like it's like, they're trying to, it's a lot of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well everybody is funny, I mean everybody can be funny, everybody tries to be funny, but you see it, you see it when you, the difference of a professional comic and, uh, not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What made you think of that one? Because it's super long. And so we've done it like playing cards on the road. And I've had, it's a super long song. And so I've had it, it's playing like on the speaker. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it where it was, I mean, maybe 27 minutes and you just, and no one's saying, cause it gets where they stop talking and they just start playing the music. And so you can kind of just restart it and like, you have no idea. And I mean, I just watch them and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally someone's like, hell, is this song? Like, it was like, it was like 27 minutes or something that that song played. And I just kept quietly. I just would wait till everybody kind of got like, ah, they got talking. You're like, are you kidding me? Just hit it then and then by me. And then it just, it's back in it, you know, no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it is. It's a fun one to try to do. Yeaah. Like to see how long, you know. I mean it's a Melanies joke where you talk about playing that song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the, yeah, his joke is, you never heard that Malini joke? It goes to the diner. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. He plays, What's Up Pussycat? Oh, I think that's the song. By like Neil Diamond or something. Yeah, and just keeps doing it and then goes through watching everybody. They just did it a bunch. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a jukebox is what drives some people to, they will go because of a jukebox. Cause it's like, I gotta pick some songs, so you go up there and you pick some songs and then you pick some songs and then you, like it makes it fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can y'all break a half dollar? You got two quarters up there? And they go, what? You have a half dollar? Because I only got silver dollars half dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, cause you can pay with credit card too on your phone. Oh yeaah. Well they do it, uh, yeaah, that could get, you know, uh, I had it, I had to get air in my tire this weekend and so they have it where you can just do your phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can do like apple pay or you can put a credit card in or whatever. That's kind of rude. But I wanted to get air. Now I'm talking about something that not jukebox related now. Uh, but there was jukebox there, but it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go to get air. You know when you go get air, you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The odds of someone getting air are basically zero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I tried to get air three times and had to, and had to go to a different place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a guy there, just got out of his, I mean, I mean, I'm pulling up, like it was like a time that they just, a sound went off, was like, everybody go get air now. And you're like, after three times, you're like, well, what do you want me to, like, how are this many people getting air?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you gotta be ready though. It's like, go take the stuff. I did it with, you know, I showed Harbour, go Harbour, get out, we'll show you how to put air in a tire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, you gotta be ready. I go, this can't be a, don't get out, put it in and then think about what you're going to do. You just wasted a good minute of your air. That's a nickel's worth. Now you have not the time for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See that's actually not lazy. I mean that's the, that's more work than, I thought you were going to agree how lazy it was that you just pulled into a tire discount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the laziness of you, like, you gotta go talk, you don't have to talk to anybody to keep doing this. And the laziness of that, you gotta, I gotta go be involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I understand that when you're like, I'd rather just, yeah, I got to drive there. What are you going to keep my car? You're going to blah, blah. You'd like, I'd rather just have a wreck on the road. Tire flies off and then I got to walk to the next exit alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you would rather risk that. Yeah, that's the gamble. And then you'd be okay with it. If it happened, you'd be like, yeah, it was worth it. I made my own bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. It's a lot. It's a lot. I bet all the money's gonna go to good stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does the money go? Oh, to the company, if they don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you can, you gotta be in a state that allows it. Yeah. If you're not in a state that allows it, it won't let you do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's what people have been doing. That's how they were doing online gaming when it was all illegal. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think greatness is about obsession. And so obsession is like, you gotta obsess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you gotta be kind of like obsessed enough that you never get tired of obsessing over


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then that's where you then, cause that's where it's the 10,000 hour, that kind of idea. You gotta do something that you would be like willing to do. So, I mean, they, they, they probably have the mentality or they have the drive to go do that. But like this dude just into like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I mean, you do, but it's like, it's like different, like, in comedy we could be, we'd be, we're competitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been very competitive and you do it, I think you do it kind of quietly, you do it in your own head, uh, and you're like, well, even though it's like a subjective, there's no really rhyme or reason to it, but you just see someone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone gets something and you think, I should be getting that. And you're like, well, then I've, you know, but I would take it as like, well, I gotta work harder to make sure that I cannot be denied that because I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so it's like competitiveness is, I know like in the, in sports you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in, in, in general to get where you need to go, you don't need that person to go down for you to go up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, I don't know, is that what that means? It's like, uh, yeah, so you just, and that's how you gotta think of it, you gotta think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I like, gosh, I wish that person didn't get that. And so like, I wish something would happen to them so they don't get it. That's a horrible way to think. Cause now you're even rooting for someone else. The only thing you can control is you. So you need to go, well, I need to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then they can't even like deny me. Like I can go stand there eye to eye with them and they go like, yeah, you're supposed to be here too. Cause you've done, maybe I had to do more work than that person did. That's just what happens. And that extra work pays off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like people are trying to be nice, trying to say something. Like it's like, but yeah, the headliner is due in an hour. Like you have, there's a lot of different options. The middle spot is usually the best spot because it's like, there's nothing to do with sweet spots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, kind of a perfect kind of thing. Uh, yeah, but it's, yeah, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you have, I have drive. Yeaah. Drive is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, it's, uh, yeaah, you gotta...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you gotta have like, you want all of these things, and then so you gotta be like, well how do I get them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it makes it easier, like almost to be like, this is how. And like, it's like things that are, you know, like, I mean, they're kind of whatever, like it's like, it could be some kind of like materialistic kind of things that you're like, I want this, or maybe it's a status you want, or it's, uh, you know, I want to be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I remember just wanting to be able to not have to take an Uber at the airport. I wanted to be able to somehow get to a place where if I get off the plane, they have my name on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, just cause it was like, you know, that's a lot better. Yeah. It's like when you do years and years of like, where's the, you know, I'm either taking a cab or you're gonna find the Uber thing and there's everybody up there and like all this and you're doing it every single week. Like you just little things that you're like, God, I can get just a guy that's like all that stuff's done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I just go to him and then I get in the car. And so like that would be, that's like one of the things. And so you're striving for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I have to get to a level to do that. And now I could, it's like, you can go broke and lie to yourself that you can afford it or you gotta get to a level where either someone's providing that for you or, or you can afford to go do it. And you just do little stuff like that. You're like, all right, now I'm there. And you know, if I get to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then that answers a lot of questions on the other side too. So if I'm at that level, that means I'm higher up as a comic, so all the people I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, but it all boils down to that person. And so it's like your career, your career is, even if you're in a subjective field like we are where it's, it's, you gotta get an audience and it's, there's no like, well this guy's the best or this guy, like there's no, not, it's not a sport where it's like he wins, they lose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's, it's, it's up to that person. That person has to go do it. And, you know, I think we're both in this scenario, like, uh, or like everybody, you don't, we don't, you don't grow up with anything that's like crazy that's gonna


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that helped me see my parents, my parents went and earned everything. They went and got everything and they, and then you just see that aspect and you got to go get it. And then that's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you realize too, when you do pass people, and then you realize like, I don't really have a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that I feel sad for them, but you don't have any emotion towards it. It's not like you're there like, I want them to know I passed. Like, you realize how stupid it was that I let them, that I made that whatever in my head. Cause I'm like, well I don't care about it now. Why do I not care about it? Is it because I'm doing better? And it's like, why don't they have any emotion towards it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're like, all right. But I mean, I say all this saying you do need this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That stuff is stuff that you can make up in your head. That like keeps you like, you have your weird thing. I want my name on that when I get picked up. How do I make that happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's, and I, and I don't want to do it too soon. I don't want to do it too late. I want to do it when like, and that's a, it's a good way to do something that's not as like on someone. But I have a very hard time with doing the other side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do that stuff, that, that person, then you pass them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get excited that I did show em. Yeah, cause none of us are perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, man, they're like families awesome and all this kind of stuff. And then a lot of that's not real. Like they're going to, like they're in fights, they're in whatever reason. And, and it's like, well, is it going to make you happy if you, you know, are you see that they get divorced later? And then you're like, you, if you can find yourself like you feel nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You feel good about yourself and you're like, well that shouldn't be the case. And then you, but then you have to realize, you gotta realize, yea this stuff's not real, like they're, they're posting you the highlights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope it falls down. Yeah, but of course you do, or you want to find, I want to find a weakness, I would always have that. I'd always have it with comedy, like if there was other clean comics starred in, I would be like, and if I found, and if they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I don't know if I should have done that, but I like, I shouldn't have done it, but it's like I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that all the time, like I would just catch someone that was clean and I'd be like, golly, I feel like I'm not, you know, I'm competing with this person. I'm not going to physically do something to them. I'm not going to try to mess with their career. But the second I saw them show the weakness of this, I just was like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. That was probably the biggest one. Uh, moving to Chicago, New York, I mean, you're young and like, it's like, you say you're kind of like, you're dumb. I don't have a, I don't have a career.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but yeah, moving from LA to Nashville was. And, but that was a big motivation. Anytime you start feeling uncomfortable, it's time to make a change. You should always feel a little uncomfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't, once you start feeling too comfortable, it's like you're just sitting in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comfortableness, and it's nice, and it will, the world is passing, every second you're comfortable, the world is passing you by. Someone's learning something that you're not learning, someone's out doing something you're not doing, and I mean there's gonna be, I'm not saying everybody has to live in this state, if you're, it's, if you're, if you're trying to get to some kind of thing,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a big thing to think of. Like you just can't be, anytime you start going like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have to really do anything right now. You know, when I moved New York to LA, that was, that was one too though. Cause it was like moving out there. Cause then I started doing, I wasn't doing shows every night and at first I was like, ah, it's nice not to have to go up every night. You know, I went eight years of going on stage every night and then it just felt, then I felt a panic of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm just sitting, I'm like getting backwards. Like I'm not, I'm getting less funny. I'm getting like, you know, I'm not in the rhythm of it all. I need to be, you need to be in it. So yeah, I think about when you falling on the ground, if I got pushed to the ground right now, it's going to hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, but if I, but if I wrestled every day, I could still at 43 fall on the ground every day and feel okay. Cause I would be hitting the ground every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when you don't hit the ground every day and you're like, I don't want to fall because you're like, it's going to hurt. And so it's like that. You got to be in it and just like, baby, just getting beat up every day and around it. And if you're not doing it, other people are, and they will pass you and they will pass you by and you'll be, you'll get so defeated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you're never gonna get to go catch em. Cause it's gonna, you're, you're, you're just gonna be like, why, I mean, how, why did they get? Cause they kept going, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably the hardest thing for, uh, uh, I was specifically probably our two wives, but it's, it's the, yeah. I mean, 11 o'clock, I can just be like, here's all, I mean, last night I was like, I looked up dogs because I was like, I thought,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, I'm sorry for everybody that's had a dog and I've quietly, I've never said anything to anybody, but I've, uh, in my head I was mad that you had a dog. Out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I don't even have a dog yet, but, so let me see. Let me get one, then I'll say I apologize. Right now I'm so mad. Yeaah. I'll still be mad. I can still, cause I'm not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. I, I just thought about getting like a dog for the, like to have us on the bus. You know, it's like a bus everywhere. And like, I was like, I just want like a little buddy that walks next to me. We've got Holly. Holly's kind of, Holly's here with everybody and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, just a little buddy that's just kind of with me and I was looking at like basset hounds, like those are, you know, fun and I can't get too big. Like Nick has, like the dog's too big. It's a lot for Nick. Like, uh, so then it's like, I'm trying to get a balance of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it may, you know, it could be a bulldog bound, you know, like or something. I don't know. I just look at it like adoption, like all this stuff. Bastard hounds are super fun. And like, you know, that little thing just jumping in bed, bunk with me and just, you know, you're like, it's like kind of that. You got your little buddy. And so I was like, I went down a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what I did before that was looked into if I should start learning how to do MMA. Those were my two searches last night. And I get down a hole. I'm watching videos. I mean, I finally get off the dogs to go like, you gotta wrap it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm just trying to watch a movie or something. And then I, then I start watching YouTube videos on which MMA I should do for self-defense. And I'm like down this thing of like, do I want to go learn Jiu-Jitsu? Like in theory, I want to learn it. Then I'm like, do it. And I woke up today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do I want to learn jiu jitsu? Like there's so much stuff I want to, like I do want to go hunting. I want to learn how to hunt. I want to learn how to, you know, shoot a gun more. Like it's like, I've never done like a ton of like proper like, or whatever, you know, go learn stuff. And then it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That nodes a little jujitsu and has two guns. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, well the way to go is you get a German shepherd. Oh, that's the way you go. Because that's the other one. I thought I was like, if I get a German shepherd and you get them trained, I mean, that's better than a gun. This would be, you would have the protection to be German shepherd that, I mean, they're like so obedient.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I should have told him that night. That'd been nice. I think I did. I think he did. He sent me a Facebook message. It meant a lot at the time. I would never say this to his face, but that kid's got something. Bates, his years are probably when you quit your job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deep in my 40s. When I'm gonna do all that. That would be the part, that's your odds of the parlay. So you did, you made it. That would be the bet, would be the odds. Cause if you're like, alright, if you're 20 and you're like, I'm gonna have a full-time job, married and a kid, you're wearing a winning money if you're gonna bet on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I mean, I never had, yeah, all the jobs I had, I could go back to. That's why his is, is, is pretty big. He was old, not promising.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost 20 years. Wow. And he went in there and goes, I think I want to be in front of the camera. And they go, uuuh. And now he's back to radio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I agree, I think it makes you stand out. Yeah. You're your own thing, and you're always reminded, cause you know when people go, I'm gonna go to Chick-fil-A, and then you're like, it's Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you forget, like, I mean, I've had that a million times. So it's like, I think the, it's, you're not even, you don't even count Chick-fil-A as in with McDonald's or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's its own category. It's looked gracefully at. Like, it's like, you go bring Chick-fil-A in, uh, and you're working in an office, people are like, ooh, I should've got Chick-fil-A. You bring in McDonald's, but I mean, they're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well hard, yeah, Hardee's, Carl's Jr. Hardee's, but like the Hardee's is, uh, I think they had their heyday. I think it was, they were- They got a hot breakfast. They got a good breakfast. They got a good breakfast. They're a good, yeah, go to their breakfast and after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. That's crazy. It is, that is a, that's a giant gamble too, cause you think you only have 35 million, so it's like easy to be like, well I'm gonna keep it. And then he's like, no, no, no, I'll keep playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you would think, yeah. Just to be like, you know, just go to Hardee's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to get a low carb burger once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anybody that's like, wants to have some idea or something, or someone's gonna tell you like, I don't know if that's gonna work, that idea's gonna work. When someone just says, I don't know if it's gonna work, just go, you gotta just try it. Like you gotta just see, unless it's shown to your face that it's not gonna work. Cause it's, that's a, what are you talking about, like even like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that works, you can do it. Not saying it's the best way, but like, that's, if you told someone I'm gonna do that, they would tell you why you can't. And you just gotta be like, just do it, and then you will learn why you can't. And then once you learn why you can't, you will then go, I know, for me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt terrible eating Oreos, you know, but I lost 15 pounds. So then I just put it together and was like, all right, well, don't eat Oreos now. You make it real food and then they're blah, blah, whatever. But everybody starts with, everybody wants to give a, uh, everyone say, no, no, no, no, you can't do that. That's going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that Fred Smith one's exactly that. They go, here's a C. Cause you're like, nah, that's ridiculous. You're like, well that guy just doesn't want to think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's clearly not, but if the professor wanted to like have the conversation and talk about it, he probably could have been talked into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just love that there's people that are, I'm gonna quit pesticide. Come on man, you can't. Don't throw your life away like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been awesome with him. Phil, uh, I mean Phil Rosenthal, when they did Raymond, he was, they didn't want him to be the show runner. And he was like, well I'll just quit the show. Wow. And then he held his ground. Everybody loves Raymond. And they put all that purple in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can put it right next to each other. And then, uh, but it, like, and people live up there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's about twice as, about twice as tall. It's still very big. It starts getting like, they start, I feel like some of these tall buildings, when they start doing this, they're like, put a pencil on top of you, like, alright. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this even, what are we doing? You know, they get, it gets so like pointy and they're like, eh, we got like five points on top of each other. And you're like, I guess it's the tall. And you get to tell people, they go, what? I mean, I live in the tallest building in the world. Wow. I'll floor you on third. But it gets points. So it's the tallest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I could do it. I'm not playing that in the heat before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well. You gotta do it in one day. Well, I guess that's true. Yeah, three hours. So it's like, you know, it's six, it's 12 hours. So you gotta have it, you know, you gotta do this in the time where it's gonna be. You'd have to start like right when sunrise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so you got four, yeaah, so if you say that each round takes you four hours, you know, that's 16 hours, right? 16 hours? So I mean, you'd have to be, you'd have to tee off at 6 a.m. and the sun sets at, if it's a late day, 8 p.m., then I guess you're not really worried about the time. I think I could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, I think I could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd go, I mean, I could go up to, uh, yeah, I could go, I could go try it. I'd do it. I could, I'd like to try it. I'm not, I've played 36 and, uh, I know it's four and it's a hundred degrees, but I played in a hundred degrees. I hit, I hit a lot of golf balls. I can play. You hit better in the heat, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I still don't understand why, how can it be illegal to be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he won like, he won all of poker because of that? I don't know if he did it in the World Series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If someone, if someone says, well you're not playing the way, and I, like, they want to play it some way, they lose, and then they're mad that, you know, like, it's like, well you're not playing it the way I think you should play it, and you're like, well what are we doing then? If I, if I gotta play it like how, you know, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We play, when we play poker, like on the bus, it's like, yeah, it's a zoo. I mean, there's a lot of all-ins, there's a lot of, it's kind of chaotic. And that's the game that's being played. Not everybody, you know, we've gotten better at it, but it's like, it doesn't go the way you want it to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so if you're a good poker player, you'd probably be pretty frustrated, but then you'd be like, then why are you, then go, then get out of our circle. Like it's like, you can't, you can't be mad at like, cause someone's not doing something the way you want them to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then remember what it is, you're like, he's not using any, you know, he's not writing anything down. It's like his memory, it's like, how could you even prove it? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it, Pete Rose. Pete Rose. Uh, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feel good? Feel good? I feel great. Where you at this week? Yeah. Uh, this week I, uh, am Vegas. Las Vegas. Speaking of gambling, wow. How about that? How about that? I'll be in Las Vegas. Gonna do a little edge sorting. Little edge sorting. Gonna count cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what he goes, let me see that card. I look at it, go, that's stupid. Queen in diamonds always. I gotta remember, half of it's cut off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I would forget that much. God, which one was half cut off? It had the hole in it? Yeaah. Because, alright then, alright, AC Downs has a hole in it. They put a hole in em. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where I'll be there. And then Phoenix, uh, yeah, I got, I got there then, uh, California run, uh, Thousand Oaks, Long Beach, San Francisco, then Phoenix for the special, uh, be out there, uh, we're doing and New Mexico running up to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two shows on Friday, and then there's tickets for the late show on that Friday night. Uh, two warm-up shows, and then I will be taping the two Saturday shows. Uh, so come out to that then next week, Lexington, uh, Greg Ward, um, directing and producing Greg Warren's special at the Comedy Off Broadway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, October 1st is the night we are taping. Saturday, I think he's there that, uh, whole weekend. Uh, but come out to that. It'd be great. We'd love to have you, uh, come, if you can come, uh, support us doing that. We'd be appreciated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, we'll go check that out. Thank you all as always. We love you and we'll see you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Barghetti and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your echo dot or whatever on top of the roof. Telling me how it's going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you not seen a few good men? Very good. Oh, dude. Aaron Sorkin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he should have crossed the river at the end instead of eating those berries. Well he didn't know. That was the whole point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe. I don't want to give people instructions. I'm sure you're the only one that's figured this out, so. No, no, no. I don't know. I don't know. That's why I said maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I'm not on this week's podcast, but I still came in anyway to tell you about Everyman Jack. That's how much I care about it. Everyman Jack, men's care, it's naturally derived, outdoor inspired. Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or everymanjack.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know the difference. I just misspoke, but I love it. I'm now doing a sea salt body wash. It's great too. It's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can find them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, EverymanJack.com. It's kind of like the beach, Kramer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. It's body wash, deodorant, skin care on one. You can nurse your hair and your beard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can find it at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or EveryManJack.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land podcast. Shout out to our sponsor from the makers of Helix, the most comfortable mattress ever, Comes All Form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easily customizable sofas, armchairs, love seats and more. Allform delivers directly to your home with fast free shipping. You can assemble all the furniture yourself in minutes. Right now Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at allform.com slash nate. That is 20% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is way more eco-friendly than a car? Electric e-bikes. Electric.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Join the affordable e-bike revolution. Go to L-E-C-T-R-I-C ebikes.com and use code Nate to get a free foldable mountain bike lock with any bike purchase. That is a free bike lock when you use code Nate at L-E-C-T-R-I-C E-B-I-K-E-S.com electric ebikes.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome. Uh, here we are. Episode two, Dusty Slay, second episode. Yeah, we made it. We made it. 101. This is it. This is the new beginning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like people didn't like the first one. Start over. They, uh, no. We, we don't know yet. We had to record this one, uh, now. So we're, uh, well, cause it was Memorial Day or something, right? Right. We got Memorial Day coming up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fiddle-holtz. What would you say? I would say fiddle-holtz. Fiddle-holtz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to the Cubs Diamondbacks game on May 22nd and the giveaway of the day was an ice pack to support gala awareness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While everyone else thought the ice pack was a piece of junk, I told them this was the perfect opportunity for me to send in my first comment to the Nate Land podcast. There it is. That's awesome. That's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gabe Phillips, how do comics decide where to focus their eyes when doing their act?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate chose to look directly at me or my wife quite a bit. It was a lot. I'm convinced he was looking at me because he could tell I'm a fellow quadrigarian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I can't see anything. So I have those spotlights in my eyes. So I, I, I can't, I, I don't know what I'm looking at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but I do it for that reason. I don't want to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not looking at you directly. I do it so I would because I always had a hard time when the lights are not, when they're up. I have a hard time making, I don't want to look because of that. I don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, because you can feel uncomfortable and I don't want to feel, you know, some guys like it, I would always either look above their head too sometimes. I try to sometimes kind of stare at the back, especially in theater when you've got the upstairs, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you kind of stand stairs straight back, so it's at least. But it's hard not to be, you know, I try to look everywhere, but it's, I'm only going to, I mean, I don't move around a ton, so my eyes are probably always going to hit kind of the same spots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but yeah, I have, when I, when a comic has a spotlight in their eyes, that's, you know, you can't see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's, I would always, like in clubs, I would always kind of, always be looking like right, I was right above their head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it looks like you're looking kind of at them, but you're not. Uh, but yeah, and I like it. I like the audience. Very dark. I get the audience. Usually it's, for me, the audience is blacked out where it's as dark as it can be. And I have spotlights in my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot of, I would imagine your crowd is there before you show up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Forties. Forties. Somebody in their forties. Yeah, it's like a, yeah, you know. Okay. It's a new...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's, if I, I can't see you. It's not that I don't want to, that I wouldn't stare at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want you to be offended by that. So you don't want to see it? Your wife's attractive enough. You got a beautiful wife, Gabe. Gabe, I was looking at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's no, it's there, uh, yeah, I have it like that just so I can't see. And then that way I, I feel like you do have some personal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of things, but you know, that's what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for some reason they listen to her, I can't conceive of this since my dad used to let me watch R-rated movies like I was his weekend drinking buddy. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't wanna just, yeah, I have a joke about that. I'm not gonna tell you. It's pretty crazy though that you would- What a joke is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't want to lie to your parents. I mean, I don't, I still to this day don't want, I don't want to disappoint my parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean that, you know, that seems like that's probably a little, but that's, that's on that mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so maybe the mom kind of, she just said, my parents would just said, wait, why don't you come home? And then instead of saying, well, no one's allowed to watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that, yeaah, and if they, and I'm sure they listed, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you're a kid, if an adult says something, you end up going okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christina Barja, last weekend I went to a cabin in Minnesota with some friends and we did not have any small sticks or papers to help start the bonfire. We did, however, have a huge box of Doritos. I remember the life hacks episode and decided to give it a try. We used the Doritos to help start the fire and it turned out great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never knew this podcast would provide such practical advice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for the life hacks. There you go. How about that, Brian? We're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We might have reached the bottom. Yeah, we were just listing stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was cowgate. That was that episode. That was what? Oh, that was cowgate. Yeah. Oh, and I called you a cow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. Yeah. Right. Right. Just list. Oh yeah. Cause the life hacks was just like, put a different tag on your suitcase so you can locate it. Yeah, that's how it got started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like I said, I couldn't, you know, but it wasn't like a good topic to like be funny with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're in a cab and they're trying to have a nice fire. I don't know how they didn't have any sticks around though. They could have went and looked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They're in a cabin, so her weekend just goes from weeding a sort to fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I mean, yeaah. It is crazy to think who, we didn't have any small sticks or paper, but we did have a huge box of Doritos. What kind of party y'all having over there, Christine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Tanner Baldridge. Growing up, I did karate competitively for about nine years. During my last year competing at my last tournament, my age division was 18 to 35. I was 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two seconds into the fight, he kicked me in the face and broke my nose. He then proceeded to beat me up in front of his family and my own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Needless to say, it was not the best way to end my final tournament. That's when it got real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a grown man. The life experience too is just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, they just been through so much more. It's a different thing. I mean, yeah, he's like, he's protecting a family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just like, oh yeah, I was just like trying to do, I'm just doing some karate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he goes, I started when I was nine and then I made it to eighteen so I was like, alright, I guess I'll see what I can do. Up in the big leagues now though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rachel Cordell, this year her son Eli was on his high school's Scholastic Bowl team, which is basically Jeopardy for middle schoolers.


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[Assistant] There are several questions that he was able to answer because of listening to Nateland. Like who came up with Gregorian calendar?


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[Assistant] I don't think I even remember that. Uh, Gregory. Pope Greg. Pope Greg, that's right. His team ended up making it to stay. I would get it if they gave me multiple choice. I mean, I'm sure this is smarter than that.


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[Assistant] You guys played a small role in helping them make a historic run, so keep up the good work of teaching us random things, at least for the next two years while he's on the team.


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[Assistant] That's awesome. That's awesome. That's great. Little things, you know, we're just little stuff. We're not trying to change the world. We're trying to make the world better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went to Davison Academy? No, no. That's where I played on a carpet basketball. My old joke about playing for church, I played on carpet. The first time I remember seeing it was Davidson. I think I played it too somewhere else with Davidson Academy. I remember going there. They had carpet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, Andrea Monchufos. I'm a teacher and you're my first thing in the morning I listen while doing my workout and preparing lunch for me and my husband. I'm just laughing at 6am and saying my opinion out loud. I just love this podcast that I feel like a part of it. P.S. I'm thinking about Hello Folks being my opening line while entering the classroom. I like that.


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[Assistant] Give a nice hello folks. Good way to start the day. Let the kids know what's up.


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[Assistant] I think it is a good, yeaah. I agree. She makes lunch for her and her husband.


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[Assistant] I know, well it happens now as people say it, you hear of folks, and then sometimes I can't, like, I'm like, you know, but then you try to, you gotta guess if it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a guy saying it or they're saying it on purpose. Cause sometimes people can say it and just kind of, they'll be like, hello folks. Like they just say it kind of quickly and.


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[Assistant] And you know, they don't really talk to you or anything and then you're, so you, you didn't, you know, you're like, I don't know. I want to go up and like.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, that's the, yeaah. You could say, yeaah, but you say that back to em, yeaah.


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[Assistant] He didn't even know how to use it. He just talked it to us. Uh, Aaron. Oh, this is maybe from Aaron. Uh, I love that every name that Nate can pronounce, he immediately says after. That's a good name. That is true. Aaron is a good name.


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[Assistant] Jordan Lane, I was at a wedding last summer where a group of hefty folks collapsed a bench while the bride was reading her vows. The crunch of the woods snapping was so loud everyone turned around and started snickering.


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[Assistant] It was awful, but my favorite part of the wedding. That is, that's a tough one. You know, that's a tough one that's, it's funny. I get it. It's very funny. It's very funny. The bride probably wasn't happy about it if I had to guess.


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[Assistant] I mean, if that, yeah, but the broadest of broad, I mean, in terms of her family.


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[Assistant] Now that's, it's the only thing anyone remembers about the wedding. Yeah. I didn't remember who's wedding it was. Yeah. What if that's the, uh, well, the bride.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I would say like what if it's the groom then looks and he's like, wait, is that your family? Like, you know, she's like, she's skinny. How much older are they than you? 25 years ago, we got the same genes. Huh?


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[Assistant] Uh, well, I mean, what do you do then? Do y'all get up and stay seated?


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[Assistant] I would, as a church though, I would think those are pretty, the pews are strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are these just regular church pews? I mean, I'd imagine, I mean, it's, you know, I'd like to see the bench. I agree, in fact, let me see the bench.


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[Assistant] We're spreadin' out, and sometimes you go out there and we can go together. I go, we come in together, you know.


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[Assistant] Brideside. And three of you need to stay in the car.


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[Assistant] That her grandmother had it, but she couldn't remember if it was type 1 or type 2.


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[Assistant] So she asked the nurse, which one is the earned kind?


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[Assistant] I said in disbelief that she asked this while the nurse looked at her like Aaron and Buckwheat looked at Nate after he tries to pronounce a word with more than three syllables.


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[Assistant] And I'm sure that the doctor knew the nurse knew what she meant. Yeah.


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[Assistant] If she didn't, you're like, you know what I mean. And she's trying to be professional.


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[Assistant] With bionic reading, you read text faster, better, and more focused. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding the eyes through text with artificial fixation points. As a result, the reader is only focusing on the highlight of the initial letters unless the brain center completes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Initial letters and lets the brain center complete the word in a digital world dominated by shallow forms of reading. That seems like insulting. Bionic reading aims to encourage a more in-depth reading and understanding of written content. So you nailed that. Might've been better. I got hung up at the, it was a long one.


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[Assistant] I have troubled reading and, but I mean, comprehending it is the hard part. That's the part that, you know.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like, what did it say? I don't know. It's a speed test, baby.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I would have trouble like bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by.


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[Assistant] Bionic reading is the new method facil- I would have had trouble there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe we'll do, yeah, I wonder if we could do two sentences. One, not by, they can't be the same sentence though. And see which one I do better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Nate, can you ask your mom if she was dismissed from jury duty in the late 70s or early 80s? I work in the legal field doing case law research and I came across a Tennessee Court of Appeals case where the defendant appealed a conviction claiming he lost because the judge unfairly dismissed a female juror with the last name Bargetzi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason the juror got dismissed was because she said it would bother her too much to vote for a punishment if the guy was guilty.


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[Assistant] The dude lost his appeal and was sentenced to 25 years in prison. I mean, this has to be someone in your family, right?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, there's nothing bright about my mom, I mean, uh, if it was late, eh, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, my mom listens, so she'll be the one to tell ya. The reason the jury got dismissed was because she said it would bother her to mention over-punishment. It's just a female juror that, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll try to see. Is this supposed to all be confident-confidential?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be. Wait, so the guy got lost his appeal and sentenced to 25 years in prison? And he's saying he lost it just because of her? Mhm, I think so. Unfairly dismissed a female juror.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chris Nicholas. There's a Facebook group named Make Nate Barghetti Famous. It only made it to 45 members, so it's not doing well.


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[Assistant] Maybe if y'all mentioned, they can finally get famous.


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[Assistant] I know everybody on there. Yeah, there's two. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's funny. Noah Needleman. Can you see who created it? Rusty Greenman. Uh, yeah. All right. Well, they tried. They did the best they could. Hang in there, buddy.


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[Assistant] Uh, that's very, that's all very nice.


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[Assistant] Sponsored. We're sponsoring. Nate Land, yeah, Nate Landman. Yeah. All right. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he does? Oh, great. Well, I mean, yeah, we ripped his name off. Uh, Nate Landman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. Yeah. All right. That's fun. Yeah. We got a guy. We're making moves. Yeah. We got a guy in the NFL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all right, uh, we could all say that an electric bike is too expensive, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, there's an e-bike made for everyone. Electric e-bikes. And they start at just $7.99. They are the fastest growing e-bike company in the US. It is, uh, it's, they're so fun to ride. We get, they sent us one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean it is awesome. Like you ride it, it's, it's riding a safe motorcycle is what it feels like. And you just go and it's just, you know, you can just, we've had


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[Assistant] Kids on it and my dad wrote it. Uh, it's super, super fun.


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[Assistant] Uh, the bikes, they fold up, ship free, come pre-assembled, pre-charged. You can cover up to 45 miles at up to 28 miles per hour on just a four to six hour charge. I mean, you can get a far away. Pretty far. If you have one of those, if you live in a city, I mean, this is like the dream. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, like you said last week, you could escape the apocalypse. Just get on that e-bike. Get on that e-bike and go. And we go as a family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could go right at any, I mean, you know, if your job is within that, you charge it at work, then you get back. You could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 20 miles an hour, it's fast. Uh, join the affordable e-bike revolution. Go to electric, electric, ebikes.com and use code Nate to get a free photoable mountain bike lock with any bike purchase. That's a free bike lock when you use code Nate at electric. And it starts with L, L E C T R I C ebikes.com. Awesome. Uh, all four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you've listened to the show, you know we have, uh, we talk about Helix mattress. Well, Helix, there's making furniture. We have that as well. Allform is the easiest way you can customize a sofa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deliver directly to your home with fast free shipping. Sovas can take weeks or months to arrive and you need someone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To put it together, uh, the office, in Laura's office we chose an armchair with sand fabric with natural wood legs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and talking about we chose it as in Laura chose it, but it looks very nice in there. If getting a sofa without trying it sounds a little risky, you get a hundred days to decide, uh, more than three months. If you do not love it, they will pick it up for you and you get a full refund.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To find your perfect sofa or chair, check out AllForm.com slash Nate. And AllForm is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at AllForm.com slash Nate. A-L-L-F-O-R-M dot com slash Nate. For your new favorite sofa, that is 20% off all orders at AllForm.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so this week, uh, what are we talking about this week?


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[Assistant] And he goes, what is the numbers? I'll tell this idiot my number.


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[Assistant] I think you're, I think you're out of your mind.


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[Assistant] Meet you would throw it just in. I mean, they would, the only reason they would catch you is they go, we don't know what's happened. There's been small bomb attacks.


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[Assistant] Because you're just throwing notes on like, you can walk over a bridge and just throw it onto a boat underneath it. And then just, like, assume my dad, you get a lot of burn stuff. It's not that crazy, but it's just remarkable how much it's perfectly hidden.


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[Assistant] But it, yeaah, it's, it's like his whole, yeaah, that is crazy. He was in Scoot, I guess.


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[Assistant] His, yeah, it's crazy. This whole thing is just this Mr. Bean and this dude's like, I've never heard an interview with him. I've never heard anything.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause he's jumping on the people's roofs and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] But that's like, you see everybody, and people would really like, just ask him. He asked to tell you. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotcha. Yeah. A police officer does not have to tell you he's a cop if you ask. Yep.


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[Assistant] Spies Like Us. I remember liking that movie. Yeah. Spies Like Us was a kids movie. Oh, I love this line. No, no, no. That was Jimmy Chase. Jimmy Chase and Dan Ackley.


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[Assistant] Where, where do you think you could go? If they're listening, I'll do it. Maybe I can't do it now because I said that.


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[Assistant] That's a good time to do it. I got set on my podcast. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it would be, I mean it would be very nerve wracking, but it could be fun.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean to be a spy, you almost can't even have a family, I think. Right? Like you kinda gotta go get lost over there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean how does that, how do you don't, yeah I guess you feel it in your leg. I mean how do, it seems like how does, how does he get the tip to that guy's leg?


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[Assistant] Maybe it comes out. I know, but it's like, does he have to go like fall on the ground, go sideways and then get back up real quick?


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[Assistant] Yeah, just, yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess like right there. And it just dives in there and you're like, God, what was it? I think you got bit by something. Bit by a bug. Because did you see anything around you? One guy walked by with an umbrella. Is it raining? You're like, no. It's like the day you would never need an umbrella.


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[Assistant] You know, he's like not even, he goes, some people like to keep the sun out. He goes, but the sun wasn't really out. Yeah, it was overcast. It was overcast. And I know you still get sunburned during overcast, but it wasn't that kind of overcast.


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[Assistant] It was a day where umbrellas were like, what's the point?


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[Assistant] But if you're doing stuff where you think a spy could kill you, I'd imagine you should be aware of any kind of weird feelings you get on your body.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what if it's a lower table? And then I do it. It's just a little bit lower and you're like, God, you know.


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[Assistant] It's like when you walk through a doorframe that's just a little bit lower than it should be and you can hit your head. Like it's like that. Like if you go on a subway, the first...


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[Assistant] Why? When did he say that? Uhm, Joe Rogan, he said it. Oh yea? Yea. Why would you work on mechanical?


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[Assistant] They're hard to, yeah, they don't listen, but, you know, that's why we're doing, uh, robot, uh, spiders. To kill the...


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[Assistant] Ah, you could wear some of those gloves. I mean, you could, it depends if you're, you know, if it's like a...


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[Assistant] That they keep sending them every week. How, I mean, it's like. How much go fish can you play? Yeah. Are they just putting it on the ace too? Uh, ace of spades. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well why would they, if it's gonna take a while, you're like, hey, if we're already doing the Ace of Spades.


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[Assistant] And he's like, no, no, no, no. It only works on ace of spades.


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[Assistant] We're going to have you guys out about two months before they would let you out. Yeah. Like they're about to get us done.


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[Assistant] So if I do your thing, it's going to be, I'll just be sent back in here. And he goes, we'll do the car thing again though. The car thing will already be in there. Something you can, you can get out. So I mean, it's perfect.


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[Assistant] Sorry, according to that, you nailed it. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for looking into it.


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[Assistant] 45% rotten tomato. It's not good. It's not good. But I don't, you know, send them what they know. They're called honey.


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[Assistant] Oh, every movie, you go, the real people that do the voting, I mean, every movie's, uh, Godfather 1. I mean, it's, they're all just the greatest movie that's ever been made. Like you look at like, I mean, you, it has to be bad for, oh, audience score actually is 49%. Nevermind. I made all that up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll be 98% of people like it. Go look at, I mean, Amazon will be, when you look at stuff, Amazon, it's, it's tough for a movie to not be four and a half stars. Cause they want you to buy it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's like the, but it's the, I mean, unless they're, oh, yeah, unless they're faking the user reviews. But I mean, they, it would usually be mismatched where it's like rotten tomatoes is bad.


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[Assistant] First review says that first his film seemed mediocre at my first screening. He goes, uh, it was okay, you know, but however, after the second and third viewing, now he goes, not about my choice, but by circumstances.


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[Assistant] The film sort of grew on me and I would rate this, uh, as one of the best films released this year so far. That guy flipped. I like this guy. He flipped so much.


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[Assistant] He goes, I walked out, he goes, I bought a ticket to another movie and then they tricked me. And they said, I was trying to watch Red Pharaoh and the guy thought I said Red Sparrow. And I go, dad, God. And so I had to go watch it again. And then he goes, so after the third time, I thought, well, I'm not going to that movie theater anymore, but.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they almost don't have to use a person as a spy. They could just be, you know, it's like if they can get someone's number. I mean, I would imagine the high up, the hardest people to get to, there's, it's going to be hard to get to those guys. But I mean, yeah, you just find a guy that like, that's why they probably would use celebrities now or they use like, you know, Dennis Rodman went over to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, yeaah, you're just like, I don't know, he probably just brings his phone over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but I mean, why would you not, if he's bringing his phone over there, why, you don't think they're going through his phone? He's like friends with that guy. So like, you don't think they're reading every single thing that he's ever sent to that person? Or when he goes and meets him, you don't, you know, it's like, they don't even need you. They don't have to go, hey, be a spy. Maybe they want a question to, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, our basketball team was a nu- you know, we were like a nuclear weapon.


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[Assistant] So have you ever got a speech that's, and you're like, I've never given a speech before.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you guys, I'm not allowed to. Do you mind if we just talk to you for a second about... Would you like to come to...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean at that point you think he would just go, you know, if he's truly dumb why don't they go, Jerry!


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[Assistant] So, alright. I thought you were saying someone put a chip in someone or something.


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[Assistant] Why would it be a, and this seems funny to be like, what are you doing? We're trying to like annoy them. They're nauseous more than usual.


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[Assistant] They really dove into it, they could like find out. All of them went to a concert.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like if it was like another country doing it, what would they do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, that's what I- What's like, what's their purpose? Yeah, it's like, what are, uh, like how do they get it in the White House? Or does it really need to be in the White House?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would ask to come back. I mean, if you were talking about you get the power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, I'm a regular guy. Guy from Montgomery, Alabama. I'm a kid from Montgomery, Alabama. What am I? And on top of all of this, is also just time traveled back here. So in everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing that would almost make you weirdly not say it, cause then if you said it, then you would be probably just in prison right now. Cause they would be like, well, you had something to do with it. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but I'm saying you can see people believe in it cause it's like you hear it. That's just like, it doesn't really matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The belief doesn't matter because it's like, it's just kind of like, oh, that's crazy. Like you're, you're, it's a...


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[Assistant] People still like conspiracy, kinda, you like something like that and then you go, oh that's cool. So your belief in that being real is like, you're never going to go look and see what's still around. But then it's like, if it gets popular and just one person that just goes, nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so yes, she just did that, alright.


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[Assistant] How does it capture the shark with a GPS unit playing on it's back? How does it tell the shark where to grow?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll be honest with you, I'm flattered that you think we could send a shark to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't- Is there sharks? Where are the sharks in Israel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How far, how would a shark get from Israel to Egypt? Where's the map? Like on that? Oh, right there. But I think this is a little bit like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, oh the Mediterranean Sea. At first I was, I said, how's the shark even getting to Israel? Oh, by the Mediterranean Sea? I had no idea Egypt had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had no idea. You should tell me, go, now you tell me, look, if you say Jordan is a shark from Jordan came over here, it goes, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, then we're talking. Where was this shark out? He was at a bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was at a bar eating next to me and they go, all right, I'm listening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How does that cost 20 million dollars? How on earth does that cost 20 million dollars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, the cat got hit by a car. Let's say that, so the cat's free. So we're done with that. And then there's no way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't know, the equipment? I mean, the cat has nothing to do with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the first time they tried it? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't even like go into a fenced area and go, let's give it a go. Well, I don't know about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like, you have to, like, where are they raising that money?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. At that, I mean at that, in the 60s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A normal cat and then walk away with it and then leave a microphone under the bench.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who are you even buying this from? Like you're not like, you're, so you're, that, it's like, you're paying for the labor, right? Cause this stuff is all made up. So it's not, they're not going to Home Depot or Radio Shack and buying this stuff. So it's in the sixties, all this stuff's made up. Like that's, you don't have a room that's got a bunch of stuff in it. Now what do you mean by made up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but there's not a room that's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, alright dude, what about building a thing for a cat? And you think the guy's in the room and he goes, I need like 20 million dollars to build me. You don't have any of that stuff in here, man? You don't have any piece? Like, they don't have metal and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want 20 million more, and they go, 20 million, 40 million. If we want 40 million, we're gonna do Ferret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's going, it's going. It probably, you probably say more, it'd be less expensive just to make every bench in that city be a microphone. And then just take a shot in the dark at which one ever they sit on. Just go, well, you know, spies like to sit on benches. They don't ever talk, like standing up, bench heavy group.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so let's just do microphones on all the benches. And you're like, are you crazy, dude? You go, well, all right, then hear, hear Johnson's idea. All right, I need $20 million. I'm going to put it in a cat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean even if it was somebody's pet, I mean he's not going to trust you after you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, more money than probably, yeaah, than stuff that's worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Well now we know. I hear it. So me and Bate here, you don't hear it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that we call you out for it. So Ben, we're talking about all this stuff, and weirdly right now, you see there's- Laura, see there's a white van outside!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. That's everything. You could never, yeaah, it'd be a weird way to have to live. Cause you gotta guess what's coincidence, coincidence and what's not. And you would think everything is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that would be tough. And then a lot of it you would because it's like how many coincidences do you have? Probably a bunch. Probably a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then when you notice them, you're like, so it's, your life is just full of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought, I mean, I didn't know we had to explain it after it was talking about it. That's the thing. That's why I got confused. You're talking about that. I just want to make sure it wasn't just me. No, it happens. Well, yeah, we talked about it earlier and then you brought that up there. That's the only thing. And then you're like, you know, like when you say something about it, you're like, I mean, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're part of the government. No, I'm not. You would be. Something doesn't work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If something doesn't work, yeaah. That's pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Southwest. But as a spy, if there's a meaning, you can't be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it said I need to be there at three and then you're just sitting in there and you can't, you can't adjust from your, I don't think you're, you're not a good adjuster. Like you have your system and then you go, you know. That's what I want you to think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, nah, I mean, I've seen it. You're doing a great job that it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like so many pages. Who's on earth? Is this 12 million pages?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I can, yeah, like, well, I'm sure that people, that are a read where it's like, you can just kind of like jump and you kind of, you're like, all right, I get the point of it. But, uh, did you, did it say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know how, I mean, obviously you gotta have a lot of people, but I mean, 12 million pages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's all, so it's all just stuff that's clicked. So they give you 12. It's almost like that's what they do. They give you this thing that's so long and then like now we declassify it. You're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's what I said about- Who's writing those bills? Is it like they go and like they, they just vote. Who puts the thing in the bills? All the congress people. They just say their things. Yeah. And they go, I want this and I'll get like an auction. Oh, right. We can start earmarking stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, either you're dumb and you really think I'm doing this, or you're being mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, it's still a form of entertainment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But who's believing that? Like I mean I don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously, just say that guy's an illusionist. Johnny Carson, just say that. Why do you bring the guy out and embarrass the guy? But I don't think he was calling himself an illusionist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter what you ever call it, like it's just, it's somewhat, it's like just don't, why does everybody have to be, you can just be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not debunking everything, but you gotta do it so that person feels it. Like that's the thing that I was saying. Like when you wanna make someone feel bad, why do you have to like make sure everybody sees them feel bad? That's true. Like it's like if they're lying, it's like then just go say they were lying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And they might've talked to him and they might've done, you'd like, I have no idea. But yeah, I mean, this guy's, if they're trying to say, is he a false prophet? I get like, I don't know. It's like, he's bending a spoon with his, like, what else is he doing? And then the CIA hired him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the whole world's watching that and you gotta be just, you make someone look like a fool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, you know, I don't know, you thought it was cool that he could bend spoons with his mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, what did you expect him to do? You brought him on as an entertainer, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So, like what'd you expect for him to come on and go, nah, it's all, it's a fake spoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, but it's, uh, but it's mean, but it's, it's mean, but it's mean, it's very, very mean spirited and Johnny's the, the king of the world at this point. And that guy's not, and you just were very mean to that guy. You hired him on to bit now, unless this dude is, I don't know what this guy was doing, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if it seems like it's, you know, he's bending spoons, I would think that you're just being, uh, alright, read some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Till they got out of their contract. Yeaah. With him. They could have done that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so yeaah, see that's even a weird spot too, like magician, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Revealing these tricks. You're like, yeah man, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're doing magic tricks, dude. Like, A, the sleight of hand, there's stuff my dad will do. He could tell you what he's doing, you're not going to see it. But it's in the idea that you like, it's like, to me, sometimes that stuff feels like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a guy that can't make it as one way, so his other way is to just blow that world up. And then you're like, well, that's not, that's not, you know, it's like a, it's a trick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're doing your own little side game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to indeed.com. You shoulda just asked for, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm out though. I mean, I'm already out, but it's down to me and Aaron. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have a better chance. I didn't do it. I have been, I googled how to become a spy. I don't, I think if you Google how to be a spy, you're probably not going to be a spy. That's what I was going to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it pulling your neighborhood? He goes, not in my neighborhood. But it's in the neighborhood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like getting in and out. He's like sleeping in people's garages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I use a lot of free wifi. Yeah. A lot of free wifi. A lot of it's in the garages. He goes, how do you get in the garages? He goes, the key is you got to step over the beam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget, it was when I started comedy, but they just called out of nowhere asking, I think it was like that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess so. I mean, yeah, it was, I think he's told me before and I keep forgetting. I would fail all of those things. I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't we do it the other way and see what's going on up there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You turn it around on them? Yea. No, I mean, why don't they have it to go here? You're like, well why don't you spin it and then go out in outer space. 50 miles? Outer space? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that high up? Alright, that's probably a good stopping point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, thank you guys. As always, I will be this week, uh, I'll be in, uh, Atlantic City, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beacon. Two shows at the Beacon. That's awesome. It's awesome. And then, uh, Northampton, Massachusetts, we had a reschedule. That's the one they, that show canceled on me the day before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of COVID. Yeaah. We were like in the, we were like it was the next day. So we had to reschedule it to June and uh, and I think we're doing a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you fill those, uh, those rooms up, you're good. I mean, next step is those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your career, y'all's, uh, Aaron's career relies on your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he can't go next after that, you're like, uh, this week I'll be at the funny bone. I'll be in the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm pumped. Yeah, thanks for having me. We're having a good time. And, uh, I, uh, yeah, people have been talking about it on Twitter, but I don't know, you know, I don't know how anything's doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. Oh, I've been on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I did Denver, uh, the weekend it came out. Yeah. And I don't know, people were like, I don't really do Denver. So people were like, oh, this is great for a Wednesday. And so I was like- Oh yeah, Denver's a great comedy town. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's, yeah. And then I did Brea, California, a bunch of people came and that was an improv. Yeah. Yeah. And I did Raleigh improv and I, way more people came than the last time I was there. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does feel different. Before, I mean, I got used to like being able to do a real weird show because it felt like a lot of people were there, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe they didn't know why they were there, and I got to go out and be weird. But last night, there was no room for weirdness. I mean, they were ready to laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, at certain points I was like, I've done that joke before and it's not gotten that kind of laugh. So I'm like, I don't know, do you think it's funny or are you just pumped to be here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate it, you know, they told me that you recommended me for JFL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just had some wind recently that tore up my canopy in the backyard. So wind is terrifying to her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was a real threat to us back then, but now I look out the back window and the tree is going like this and I'm like, I don't know what's happening out here. This is Tennessee wind. I grew up in Alabama. You know, it's different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jurassic Park was great. When I was a kid, they had us out, out digging around outside of the school. They were like, we found out there's dinosaur bones out there. We were digging. We found them. Oh wow. It was like, this is so great. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Jurassic Park. I loved, you know, I love, they started talking about all these different periods of dinosaurs. So then the names changed. Like I was in with the Brontosaurus and the Stegosaurus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Triceratops, Brontosaurus, and then they, they were like, there was a whole different line of them. And then they're telling us multiple meteors came in and destroyed the earth many times. And then these dinosaurs just kept coming back. But I'm just not sure I can get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm ready to believe that anything I believed as a kid is not true.