[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same week, different party where we were playing beer pong against John Benjamin and some other people and we were losing badly and they're like, aren't you guys like the party guys? And we're like, we're not good at stuff though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This isn't even, this is kind of an impression, but it's an impression of an instance. Okay. Volcano nacho.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry I called IU, U of I. I was offended.


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[Assistant] I'll give a shout out. Alright. Okay, yeaah. I have a nephew.


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[Assistant] Well, Adam and I sometimes have bet, sometimes in the past. I like to bet on like, whose shoe smells the stinkiest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, me talking to my grandpa, that was subjective, yes.


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[Assistant] My boobs are fine. Stop eating! It's not your, it's not your ass? It's not your butt?


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[Assistant] We're doing some Foley. Some Foley work here. It's tough with the carpet, but I think we still picked it up.


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[Assistant] It's the Nasdaq. It's like that. That's the other one. Oh, I got it.


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[Assistant] Is it because you stick your, it's because you can stick your ass out backwards.


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[Assistant] When his dude was just kinda watching like, yea, nobody's here.


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[Assistant] Well actually I stand corrected, maybe now is the time to do the butthole.


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[Assistant] I'm getting thumbs up, so let's jump in the line.


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[Assistant] Amy Todd and the Giant Rat of Sumatra? No.


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[Assistant] Is that, was that the college one that you did that? Is that the one? Huh? Anyways.


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[Assistant] I'm too fat for this, and it barely fits, so I couldn't wear clothes under it.


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[Assistant] I would love to take like great minds and look at their dicks. That's what it is. But what makes the world interesting is nerds with huge dicks and dorks with perfect tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's hot dude. It's a- that's a sexy frame. Like, cause I don't know what's happening below the frame.


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[Assistant] Did you say hairless like a dolphin? You guys dir- wait, do you don't-


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[Assistant] You don't have any chest hair? You don't have any hair, Anders?


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[Assistant] I get that, I'm gonna go make some goulash. Look how wide Kyle is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god man, alright guys. Kyle, your shoulders are so wide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same, same with you buddy. Dude, thanks. No, look!


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. You're fucking-


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[Assistant] Truly. I'm getting closer. I'm gonna get a little closer to the camera on this one. So then I can't see everything. Brought to you by Truly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Adam, even Blake doesn't know. So let's just let it, like to see if this is level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got great posture. Although I think you're, I think your collarbones are supposed to be flat, right? Collarbones are like true good posture. Your collarbones are supposed to be level. Like we all have huge. I'm going to move my mic. You guys tell me how to move. It's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't have much. Can you guys, can you guys level? This one's for the people listening. Can you guys level your collarbone so that they're flat like this?


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[Assistant] Am I doing it? Damn, but Blake's biceps are something else. And you see how jacked you look now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do I look extra jacked when I do that? When you do that, you look great.


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[Assistant] Oh, like, like, is this a wolverine pose? Is that what that is? Like, oh.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. And was it played by the guy who they found out? The hiker? The hiker guy?


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[Assistant] The first in a long line of fucked up movies.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was about that. Yeah, me neither. Nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was the dude, yeah, producers, please open the- He was also the dude from Arachnophobia that was like, Kanaima, sounds familiar. He was in a bunch of shit. Oh yeah, I know who you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a huge story. What? It was a huge story.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a bummer. Never hike. Never hike. Never hike.


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[Assistant] Crampons are the spiky things that you strap onto your shoes when you're- Oh, was this dude like, like, uh, like climbing shit? Or what- what's- oh. I think he might have been like ice climbing and then like they found him after the snow. As a ninja?


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[Assistant] Great, great movie cover. Let me look up this guy. Movie's pretty good.


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[Assistant] Like one at a time, right? It's like, oh, now I gotta cut this one off. Now I'm cutting this one off. I don't know if that's- And then was it a dream? I can't remember either, but I have seen it. Cause I was like, this is right up my alley.


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[Assistant] Allegedly, allegedly, right outside in our cars.


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[Assistant] Was Paris before, oh yea Paris was before Kim K for sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Did China have one? Oh, there was some wrestlers. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you feel a heart attack coming on. Oh, dude, she, she was, uh, China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] China had a cocktail in her. She was like, she had anxiety drugs. Sorry, you broke up. I heard China. Oh, China had a bunch of drugs in her system when she passed. It was an overdose. It looks like on. Uhm, that sucks. That's a bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, that's the, that's, this is the tale as old as time for wrestlers. I mean, what they put their bodies through. Yeah, tragic. Uh, the pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And being a woman in wrestling is just awesome.


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[Assistant] And I've got my copy, I've got my copy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I'm sure it's good. That's the one where Hogan's like, I was in character or that was his like, there's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll be able to tell the difference. That's right. That's right. So it doesn't count.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My clothes wi- I wonder too. The last stop. My clothes will be staying on, Tor. They will be staying on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless it's hot. If it's really hot. I might have to rock suspenders just to like lose everything on top of the suspenders. Just to like have a little variety on stage. Not to like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, your doctor could snap a pic, yeaah. Oh, the doctor from last week. Yes, okay, I remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I've never sent- I've never- Is this- You keep saying this when you send me dick pics, and I'm like, again? And you're like, it's sorry, dude. My bad! He's just like, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] D-d-d-d-d-drop. My bad. My bad. Oops. Interesting. Interesting. Who else is dicks? That was it. We saw Arnold's, right? Or did we see Dolph's? I can't remember. Arnold's. We saw Dolph's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not okay. That's rude. That's pro- that's rockin' the North Pole. How- how was Dolph's? I remember them all. That's invasion of privacy. I wish I never saw Dolph Lundgren's dick in that- in that way. Mhm. I'm not even saying I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this whole like, oh, I got a picture of your dick? That's fucking wrong. We can all agree. That's ethically wrong.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the fappening? Fuck the fappening, dude. That shit was fucked up, man.


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[Assistant] Yeah, a little bit. We're talking out of the year and a half or so that I worked there, uhm, 8 hours to 10 hours a day. I'm thinking 30 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fix, fix, fix his blackberry one time. Of you, you and him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, tight. Yeah, you just- Yeah, the door was open. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I think that was about it. 30 minutes. You know, okay. I was like a grocery getter. I was like a sandwich shopper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was not cheap, you had to like go to FedEx, or not FedEx, you had to go to FedEx Kinko's. Kinko's. Thank you, Kinko. And like print shit, and to print like a few scripts was like $30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean yeaah, not everyone's paying like 600 bucks for like a laser printer that prints like 8, 12 pages a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just, I'm still rocking with it and it's fine. Oh, that's a racket dude. Cause they like auto do that shit. Yup. It totally is. Cause that shit's expensive and I buy it. Let's go. Now what is toner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, I go, well I'll buy it until it really starts to run out. And now I have like all this ink from two years ago. It's a racket. It's a fuckin' racket, man. And it's probably gonna go bad and then Shaq's schleppin' this new stuff where you just pour it in yourself and I'm like, use it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, Shaq has a pop of Murphys? I mean, by the way, isn't Shaq the person whose dick we want to see the most though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like what's your, what's your reality? You know what I mean? Like that's not a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm over here like, no. Well, I thought that's about, isn't that about average? I don't think seven is, is average. Seven? Oh no, the average is... Six and a half, seven? No, you can't just be like regular seven. You can't just say that on air in public. You can't just do that. That's not cool.


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[Assistant] Even if it's a big penis. Sure. Okay, now we're, now we're talking.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, right, yeaah, yeaah. Then why aren't there funnier movies? Uhm. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] My, my dick's gotten bigger. By the way, but like we're all joking, but that's definitely like a pretty cool confidence booster. Okay.


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[Assistant] It's beautiful and you are somebody. But to be honest. Yes, thank you. What's cool about Shack is that there's no way it's five. Shackadelic. There's no way it's seven. It could be nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna see it? I don't think, no matter what size Shaq dick is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not. He's chilling with his dick, and that's what he's been doing his whole life, bro. He's all good. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Like I wouldn't be shocked if you, if, if, if it turned out to be 14 inches, I would believe it.


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[Assistant] If he didn't show, if he didn't show it, he's like, I'm not gonna show it.


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[Assistant] Okay. When you say ramifications, I like that. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that. I don't think that. They don't. They don't. I do not think that. This is what makes the world interesting. I tweeted this a thousand years ago. This is what makes the world interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what makes the world interesting is nerds with huge dicks and dorks with perfect tits. The fact that that exists just keeps this crazy world swirling.


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[Assistant] It's like, well wait a second, where did he get, where did she get those? And where did he get that? What are you doing with that there? What are you doing?


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[Assistant] I thought he wore like the most traditional garb for- I think it was pretty traditional garb. For post-colonial, uh, India.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you're out in like the sticks and like you weren't part of like the British bullshit that took over and like wearing suits and shit like the western bullshit.


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[Assistant] Yes, I feel like- What do you think, he was the Ralph Lauren of that era and made that shit up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great show, great show. Tony Shalhoub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A war previous to... Colonialization. The colonial, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it is. I think it actually is bigger because yeah. And when we get to Medford, we're going to, we're going to see it. He's joining us on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that clicking? I think, I think that what you're talking about is your pubic mound grows as you get bigger. Correct. Gather fatty tissue and so then the base of your dick is stuck in the sunken place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, and then you uncover that, and then you uncover that.


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[Assistant] It's unflappable. Adam's looking for a surprise, right? You're looking for a surprise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, so did you watch last night? Yeah, unbelievable, very cool. Uhm, what was your favorite part? Just the part where he pulled it out. I know, it was just like, okay, that's 12 inches right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, who's, who's? What dude, what? Who's hog? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Maybe... Who do I want to see? I don't want to see anybody living. I would want to be digging people up to understand what the hist- I would want- Right, okay, well Blake did the same thing, that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think historically... Like Napoleon? Really? They, they found, they... Oh yeaah, Jimi Hendrix. There's a woman who made molds of him.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it wasn't- And she needed, like, extra plaster. Of all.


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[Assistant] Dude, I've never seen this Hendrix dick. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Uh, you can find it. It's online.


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[Assistant] Oh, it's a whole documentary, dude. It's a whole documentary. This is...


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, yeah. She was in, oh, it's DeBarge.


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[Assistant] Let's, let's go. Reykjavik. Oh, so it did, so Jimi Hendrix, yeaah, so Jimi Hendrix had the biggest plaster caster. That's what it's saying.


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[Assistant] His was the biggest of the documentary to be crushed. What a bummer by the way.


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[Assistant] Well, gotta be an amalgam. Yeah, that's so cool, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well no, I'm, yea, it isn't obviously, but like, uh, I feel like that, that woman was not young, or maybe she's old now, I don't, I don't fucking know. Anyway, you're right, we should have the comedy plasterer. Who? Who, the plaster caster woman? Yea, that would be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The plaster castor woman has passed away. She passed away in 2022.


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[Assistant] You wanna make it to 80. You wanna make it to 90, dude.


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[Assistant] Yeah, how do you keep, by the way, you have to keep a boner for all that time to, cause she's doing the plaster on you. That takes hours to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just telling you, I imagine there was some sort of technique.


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[Assistant] Can you get the fuck out of my way so I can grab some Ben & Jerry's? I don't think I would recognize her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I loved watching Wheel. I love Wheel, dude. I went to a Wheel taping at Cormac Place of Chicago. Yes, a kid in elementary school was like, Hey, do you want to come to a Wheel of Fortune taping? They came to Chicago and we went and we sat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was that far away that you kind of are understanding what's happening. And there's no speakers. It's just kind of happening way over there, but you're there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I would wheel over Jeopardy all day. Wheel over Jeopardy. For me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. What do you think is your like, what's your bread and butter as far as trivia? I'm per- I think I'm the opposite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as trivia goes, uh. Yeaah. You mean, so short. Jeopardy is a trivia show, essentially. Yeaah. Yeaah, but they talk about everything on that show, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have like a surprising like, oh, I didn't know Adam knew about that. Cause most people would say pop culture because that's kind of unavoidable. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But better there than, uh, Wheel of Fortune, where you just have to spin a wheel and say letters and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Wheel is so much easier than Jeopardy. Jeopardy is... Jeopardy is so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you good at knowing how much things, like the first question?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, Cotestant. Oh, that's cool. Cotestant. That's fuckin' dope. So Drew, so damn. Wait, was that before Family Feud?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you did the prices right with Drew Carey, but still couldn't remember Bob Barker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, but it comes from the same- No, no, uh, Chloe guessed a good one, which was Regis. Yes. Yeah, that's a great one. And then it was, uh- Oh, from Millionaire, I didn't even, you know. And then it was Drew Carey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it went to you guys and we had already had Bob Barker in the pocket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, yeaah, it's hard. Family Feud is hell of like, that's gotta be...


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[Assistant] Anxious as fuck, like- It's gotten harder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't say it's gotten harder. They had the easiest shit for us. No. No, it's not hard.


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[Assistant] And you're like, air? Ding ding, water, great. Oh my god, I couldn't even let some of my kids watch that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I couldn't watch your dad talk about a ballgag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your dads talk about ball gags.


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[Assistant] It's gotta be good. It's gotta be good. I don't think it's shocking, but I think it's, it's healthy. It's vibrant. And it has six buttons going down the front of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said regular. I would think it would be over six. Well, it has never, ever, it has.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything else, Kyle? Anything, Kyle? I just want to make sure it's been said. All these stones have been turned over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I'm good. You guys, it's good. It's been nice talking with you guys. It's been good. Blake, what are you drinking out of that glass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then your way of solving it was to spike a pizza slice up my ass.


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[Assistant] That's probably the saddest one is like kid fail versus like kids getting wrecked and crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Fran is behind us. Fran is behind us. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did? No, I didn't. I'm just kidding. I didn't. I didn't. I'm paying. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a movie as well, right, with Bradley Cooper?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Black Knight is the best movie. Black Knight is amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Is that like the ship with the lasers in the room? No, that must be the next movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Tom Cruise is literally doing the set pieces. He's doing the shit.


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[Assistant] You literally haven't seen any of these movies. That's why they're better. You can't say this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But bonds switches it up. You switch bonds. That's kinda fuckin' cool. It gives you a whole new breath of life. You get to invest into a new act.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, fuck off, mate. I think that'd be cool to see an old ass James Bond. Let's see what he can do. Nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're saying, uh, 007 James Bond fix-a-dent? That would be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know what I was trippin' on? Cause I got these little kids Spiderman glasses at, um, Walgreens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a wide brow. Which, by the way, Marvel, thank you. You guys talk all this shit about Marvel, but look what I'm wearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need to make a really funny superhero movie. That would be awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's Mi- Mystery Team is with uhm, the, the Donald Glover and Dominique Dierkes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I really like that rumor about Paul Pierson. He always has to like defend it. They said like, remember when he went out on the wheelchair?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's part of the game though. Marathoners, that's part of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to hit the nausea real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes dude, it, it, it's, it's, it's a tornado outta nowhere, you fuckin' melt down and then you're kinda fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You will know it as soon as it happens, cause your body, like, I was Instagram, I was doing pull-ups, I was sitting in the sun reading books, and then fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was. So, so I put on my running gear. I'm like, I'm gonna take a lovely little run. I'm feeling so good. And I tied my shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then all of a sudden it's just my guts were just like had to evacuate and it's crazy. Did you get that hot mouth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell me if it works. Cause that shit went like a tornado through the fam. It was crazy. And it happened like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still like, feel, I mean, this was literally like, last night, that I was, this was happening, so I'm still a little fucked up, but, feel way better, way better. Wow, weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get in there and teach those kids how to spell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I hope you don't get it, man, cause that would suck. I have never been violently ill on a flight. That would be a terrible experience, I feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was brutality. That's the most sickest I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and then your way of solving it was to spike a pizza slice up my ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, he like, he like kinda looped it up a little bit. Yeah, actually held my cheeks open and then Adam was like whoop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy, man. Yeah, well, I mean, we're all just kinda sitting around, so might as well just take the show on the road, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did anybody get- did any of you get one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm kinda pissed that I didn't get a, get a long sleeve with the naked grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yes, I talked to him, he's mad interesting, like he has the craziest stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that dude was really rad. All those stories of like, military guys have the craziest fucking stories, dude. It's really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, me too then. Uh, he's the man. Flo Grober. What a solid name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About my father. Not in theaters. About my father. Hey, we can't talk about that. And we cannot talk about that. We cannot talk about it. Can't talk about it. Can't talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We won't be talking about movies anymore. We gotta have our system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, this just follows Patrick Mahomes, it's like, he's gonna win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please. The only way to consume this is important. It's so much funnier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at political news and shit, poly news, bro. Probably getting all polycharged. Yeah, you know it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Adam, when you said that one joke that went like this. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, all of your board drops were just like fucking came on fire, dude. They were come on fire. Oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what up? I got my kids in here, I'm sorry, but I got two-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dang, what's up dude? Chillin, here's a little bro right here. Say what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yup, Wilbro right here, a little chick. Uh oh. Oh, alright. Yay!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, come on guys, what are you doing? Hey, you guys talk amongst yourselves, I'm gonna figure this out, okay? My kid's grabbing a reins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usually would come to the door and like a g-string at some of the houses she was showing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or not American pie, American beauty. Yeah, I was like, I was like, wait a minute, dude. Yeah, this is. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Creating universes between movies is excellent. Were we talking about that yesterday, Blake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the part when he realized he couldn't get through the door, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's in the other one. Once we tap into this universe and all the storylines within it after Linkovich. Yes, of course. Yes.


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[Assistant] Cause the girl grows up to be the bedazzled woman, right? Isn't that what happens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, right, Elizabeth Hurley? The Fraserverse! She was good, the young girl was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I love Elizabeth Pearly. Dude, she- Oh yeaah. Is that who I'm talking about?


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[Assistant] The cover is just her in a red dress with like the Satan's like pitchfork above her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But where's Brendan Fraser in the poster? They were just like, you're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Monkeybone? I thought monkey, no, Monkeybone, he's an artist, isn't he? He like draws and then his characters come back to life and get him. It's like, like Roger Rabbit kind of or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I was wrong, her tail. Wow, so yeah, he just did a hell series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Though that issue of Variety from a long time ago where like a bunch of studios like took out, um, full page like thank you Brendan Fraser for being like the best actor in The Mummy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember this? Is this? Who? What? What? I feel like we experienced this together and it was wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here's the real Fraser. Oh yeah, this is true. This is right. And then- Okay, who's gonna read it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tons of times. You're not gonna take, uh, and I've apologized for that, but like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's a taint. No, no, no, hold on, this is a little bit more specific. This says it's a taint touch. This isn't just a squeeze of the ass cheek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unacceptable. Unacceptable to me. To me. Yeah, that's unacceptable. Well hang on. Am I crazy? And I'm not making light of this, but like... Okay, okay, seems like you are though. Wasn't that just called like a goose back in the day when it was like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends on what the vocalization was as this happened. Now, we need to know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, you're right. Ders, I think you're right. This was a goose back in like the 70s and 80s, but- I feel like this is a goose situation, yeaah. Did I just say goosing is funny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter though, it doesn't mean it's still acceptable behavior, it's unacceptable. I'm not- what is happening? What I'm saying is that- Nothing dude, nothing. I'm just clarifying. This- it's crazy to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean you like it? Which part? You like stopping it or you like the tap itself? Talk to me brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is that just called a cup, uh, a cup check? What are we calling that? What is that? Yeah, it's like a cup check. It's a sack tap is what it is. It's like, oh, I gotcha, I know where your sack is. I don't know what it means. What the fuck does that mean? Why is it a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You love- it's how you- Adam shows he loves someone. Yeah, it's how I show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how I show love. Yeah, is it like a display of uh, of dominance? Is it a dominance thing? Is that what it is? I'm tacking, I'm tapping your sack, I'm dominant? Well, I don't know, to me it would just be like- I feel like the more we read into it, the weirder it's gonna get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what is it? What is happening? I'm just wondering, cause it has happened. It has happened. I mean, you know, it has, it happens. So what the fuck is that shit? Who's doing that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should have said I flew into Nice and that was nice. You think so? I was kinda thinking about it. I thought I just did the straight forward one, you know what I mean? What's the joke? Alright, go ahead. Oh well, I'm still jet lagged from it, so that's why, yeah. It's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that's not his vibe. No, no, no, no, no, no. Uhm, let's see here. No, the vibe is, we just kind of hung out, my brother and I, and we met with a lot of financial people to, uh, you know, figure out, you know, other avenues of financing films and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw the red carpet of the Marty Scorsese flick, which was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that was like the biggest upset is like, some of these tickets are going for like 1200 bucks if you can get them, but that's my biggest...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my biggest like bummer of the whole trip is that I did not get to go into the theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And watch a fucking movie. How do you do that? Is that like, do you just go on Ticketmaster? Or like, can't you finagle through agents? Yeah, well, what's the deal there? No, you're getting em. Have you fired all your representation yet and moved to the farm? Isaac.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I had an opportunity to do 1200 for the Marty Scorsese one for balcony seats and I was like, I'm not gonna do that. Cause it was just one available and me and my bro were hanging out and we were also getting dinner with the distributors so we were like, well we're gonna go hang out with the distro people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that was kinda wild, like, being like, okay, wait, you hear all the news, and the news is essentially, the movie got this many minutes of standing ovation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda was weirded out. There it is. There somebody's opening line.


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[Assistant] You know? Well, we need to know the numbers. Yeah, dude. Yeah, Game Over Man would crush. That'd be sick. I bet it would've. You think Game Over Man would crush


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they would understand what we were doing. The first penis we cut off, uh, they would have- They would have been shouting in the theater. That's what they need, bro. Yeah, this is where they watch, like, Antichrist. There's a couple dicks getting cut off in that movie, or at least one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If anything, it's like right up their alley. Yeah, that's camp!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, at Cannes? No, you couldn't, there, I- Oh, like on the red carpet? Set up a booth? There was no, you can't get marijuana. You can get CBD there. It's like California, probably 10 to 15 years ago, is what it is. What is CBD and why is it a fact?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be interesting if it comes out that CBD is just totally false and all a placebo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't feel any better. No. I don't- I don't feel anything when I take CBD either, just mainly because I'm used to THC though, and I'm like, well it's not changing my head, so I'm not like- Yeah man, me too, dude. Yeah, that's the good shit. Get em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've kinda been back on it. Yeah, no, he called me. He sent me some weird texts. He's like, it's true. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's all good. I like it. Yeah, this is true. Have we ever talked about Blake's driving on here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable. How he punches his steering wheel because he's so frustrated about missing a turn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude's reading scary stories to tell in the dark. You don't punch your, uh, you don't punch your shit anymore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He tried to A to Z it. Durr snuck in, uh, Durr snuck in a reference, Durr snuck in a reference, and I got totally psyched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, sorry, Adam. Yeah, I just saw the scary pictures in my head. We're talking about children's illustrations. Dude, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you reading, Ders? You guys, I'm reading a book. Bullshit. What's up? What's up? I don't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've owned it, I've owned the book for like 20 years. I bought it at like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a trip. It's like, it's nothing at all like the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. I'm tired of pretending I've seen stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's your gripe? No. On workaholics, when we had a fortune flamester on and a guy with like an ice cream cart like rams into her car, the guy who did the stunt was on set that day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was losing my shit because it was Chico from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Running Man. Yes. He's the guy who drove the ice cream cart, right? And I was like, yo, like, can I get a picture with you? You're a legend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the net, but TV network is also like the government. So it's all like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very cool, but the book is really different. It's kind of similar, but you can just enter it if you want to. And then you're just being hunted around the country and people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell? I'm like, it's read by Stephen King. It's a Stephen King book under a different pen name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just like, oh really? Right, he had a few of those, right? I'm like, what? Yea, he wrote like, Stand By Me. Stephen King wrote so many fucking books, bro. I mean, my god, I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has, I think he has zero memory of writing Kujo, right? Isn't that something that he actually has said? Right, cause he was just, he would slam like a case of beer a day, right? Yeah, and do an eight ball of cocaine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 76. Isn't Green Mile like 8 books or something like that? Like that's like- It's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was embarrassed to buy it? It's gotta be like, uh, maybe it's a money thing. And by the way, I don't know what to compare it to, cause I haven't read a book in, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, do you think, you know how a lot of people watch movies after, after they were books and they're like, oh, the book's way better. Do you think there's any possibility that you will finish this book and be like, fucking book, dude, it's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I mean, like, can you walk this backwards? Can you walk this backwards?


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[Assistant] He's not. He's not. It's a different kind of guy. Everyone's like starving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys gotta watch running man like tonight. Maria Conchita Alonso is in the mix. It's so good. Yeah, I'll watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one that I've always wanted to watch. I'm gonna actually make a note. I'm gonna make a note. It's also super duper quotable as far as like when he kills people, every death has like a sick line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. I'm gonna make a note in the sick notebook I got from Cannes Film Festival. We should remake it with Adam as Buzzsaw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fuckin' love me some Home Depot. Yeah, he's like, I just wanna like, have people come in, have, like, solve their problems, like, come over here, aisle 12.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I'm about to grind some shit with a- Yeah, what were you, what were you doing at Home Depot, man? Talk to me about the, ugh, ugh, ugh. I fucking love tools.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here, dude, I had, I had the most insane, I had an insane day yesterday, right? So. Oh, okay. Two tail, uh, beverage fridge outside, yada, yada, yada, uh, crapped out on me, right? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a fucking, uh, grinder. And I'm just gonna kinda shh. What's the, what's the cabinet? What's the cabinet made of? It's cement. Oh yeah, so you're fucking, you got a mask and some glasses and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a quarter of an inch, or maybe half an inch. Oh my god dude, that's, that's pretty long. That's gonna be a, that's a heavy, heavy project cause you gotta go the whole width or the depth of the frig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to do this. Like this is what fucking people do. And I'm like, I'm already, I already have a beverage fridge. I'm already disqualified. I'm already fucking $200 deep. Right. No, Ders, I'm proud of you. I know I rented the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I rented the tool from Home Depot. Like a real boss. Oh god, I would have loaned you mine, man. Gosh, I wish we were neighbors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, jackhammers, like, or like, tractors, yea, like, uh. They have all that shit too, but- Oh, well fuck that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't do anything with a tool. You're not, you're not a tool guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'm buzzsaw. Yeah, I don't think he's buzzsaw. Yeah, I think yours is buzzsaw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he finish it? And then they had to come back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't think he had, I didn't think he had this many problems about it. I've talked to him about it and I didn't think he had this many problems. I don't think he would tell you. He's like, Adam, what are you talking about? I just had people come pour the foundation. Yeah, I didn't do that, but I did all the framing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I gotta, Ders, I gotta get the grinder out and grind some of my, uh, my sport court out there. Grinder? Cause I got a real thing happening in the backyard. Pickleball court's coming in, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got this company called Pickle Roll coming in, that basically like- Mmm, shout out to Pickle Roll. Shout out to Pickle Roll, dude. They're coming in and they're like- Yeah, I guess so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week it was just Morty's ground stuff. And then they're like, uh, pickleball. Allegedly! They like, clean up the concrete, cause it's super expensive to break up the concrete and like, roll, and like, and like pour new concrete, right? So that's like, I got a quote for that and I'm like, fuck that shit, that sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So these guys just like clean up your concrete and then roll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Does that make sense? Like a very thin, like, vinyl with an acrylic-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I'm talking about? I do, yeaah. You're talking about Sportcourt, I think, right? Yeaah. I'm talking about Sportcourt, yeaah. Sportcourt is... Yeaah, this is like the news... A name you can trust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda sport court thing, yeah. We'll see what's up. I mean, I'm really excited. I got- That is sick, dude. I got some cool colors coming in. It's gonna be sick. Oh yeah, that's way sick. Is it custom? Like, is it gonna say, like, Kyle's Court or whatever? Yeah. 2Ks, you fucking white supremacist? I thought about, like, getting- Whoa, whoa, what? Wow!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I kinda, I kinda don't- What did I just do? Yeah, I can't even tell. I don't know what you did, man. You just fucking- I don't know what is going on right now. Like, what you said earlier, what just happened, dude? What's happening, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Timberwolves! It just, it just looked the best. It looked cool to me. It means, I think it's natural color, so my wife doesn't want any unnatural colors out there. So she wants like, stone and... Oh, you're gonna let her boss you around? Blue and green for grass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get that. Wait, does she play? Does she play ever or no? She comes out, yea, she comes out and plays in the backyard a little bit. She's getting into it, so... She comes out. She comes out. She comes out to be like, why are you not inside?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One unknown. I got a ball machine. I have a ball machine, okay? I have a ball machine, sweetie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have friends? Is what he's asking. I have friends, I have friends, yes. And we'll be able to organize. And do they play pickleball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you live where they filmed, uhm, Scream, the first movie? Is that where you live? That's what I imagine. What, the Scream, like, where is that? Where did they film that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those rolling northern California, you've never seen scream?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No I have, I'm just trying to imagine the town right now. I think that's a little bit more s- Yeah, I can't remember exactly the town either. Bred out than where I'm at currently, but uh, but yeah, I'm out, I'm out here. NorCal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually did see this and I realized that I had only been out to San Francisco like one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable. I do, you know what's funny? Like sometimes I'll see, uh, like pictures or clips from old movies that took place in San Francisco. Oh, the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it, it looks un-fucking-believable. It was like the crown jewel of America for a little bit, I feel like. Yeah, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, no, no, ABQ, ABQ all the way. Yeah, no, not now it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sad for a moment, but then I was kind of like, well, yeah, it's an island. Look how the fucking buildings that are on it. Like it's going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything raises and lowers by like four or five or six inches every day. That's a loooong- that's huge. Oh, it swells. It swells. Dude, that's huge. That's called the tide, Tommy. No, but I'm not talking about like water, I'm talking about like- You're saying four to five inches? Are you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, is this a bit or is this real? Yeah, so if you lay in bed and just wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's saying that like the... Yeah, no, like so like the Sears Tower, whatever the fuck it's called now, Willis Tower, or whatever big building in New York, like it is six inches higher at one point in the day than it is later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? So the earth itself is swelling every day. And the producers are just quiet as a mouse?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, baby. Right, yeaah. What is that from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I mean I understand that. Well, my kids watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it is a different feeling than when you watched it. It's like- I had to tape them down. Yeah, it's like when we watched it, it was super magical and special. Now when you watch it, it's kinda clunky and a little bit like, you can see the difference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even now when you're a kid and you look at bad, or not bad, but, um, but old technology, I think you clock it. I think you're, I think you clock it. I think you're clocking these mechanical things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally. Oh yea, for sure. Like the first parallaxing? That was epic. I mean, I guess I do remember watching like, um, Clash of the Titans and like the claymation just looked janky. That's hell old. I know, as I'm saying, but I'm dating ourselves. I'm talking like- Jason and the Argonauts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that like, is that like Argonaut shit? Is that like Argonauts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well did they spread that? I didn't see it but my question is did they spread that out over the course of many episodes instead of just making a film? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the fad right now is you have to keep the people on your screen. So instead of- On the hook. On the streamer. Instead of making just a movie, they're fucking like, push it. And then it becomes ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, I will say that like, like to Adam's point, like I agree like graphics have gotten crazy and accurate and all that, but when they're, when it's like fantasy stuff, like it's hard to be like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's not like supposed to just be like a wolf that's talking, you're like, oh, that's a fake ass wolf or like the shark in Jaws at some point, like looks fake to you, right? But when it's like a made up creature, like a gelfling, it's, some of these things are so well done that you're like, wait, what the fuck is that? If you're a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, as a muppet, as a guy who works on the muppets, like the muppets are still hittin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we're number one or something else on, uh, Disney+.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or number something on Disney Plus. Yeah, well, hey, yeah, but do you know how many people have watched it, huh? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, let's see here, I think I might have something, cause I saw a clip online, it's a self, uh, hating moment. Uhm, yeaah, it's a new thing, it's a new, it's like self, it's just because-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But is that how you spell it? How we spelled it on the clip? I thought I'd try it. I thought I'd try it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like candy critique. No, I spelled it wrong and then they spelled it right on the clip, so that became the joke, which was funny. No, I know, but when I saw the clip...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strong hugs, maybe as we call those strong hugs. I'd love to watch, uhm, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, you know what is kind of fascinating about the dick tap is that it's a back of the hand thing, right? It is. Yeah, you flick. Flick of the bick. You go underneath? Who, no one's, no one's going, if you go open hand on it, like what, is that a whole different ball game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was fun. And then I think seeing Leonardo DiCaprio was probably the highlight. I put that on my Instagram though, you know what I mean? Like that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was sick, okay. Yeah, and I could, uh, I could zoom in enough to get a pretty decent shot on LDC, so that was sick. Hell yeah. Yeah. Fram life. Alright guys, well


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give it up for fucking Donatello, okay? Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a new record. Quick, Blake, talk about dicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks bro. Adam, your July 4th parties are like Al Qaeda training centers for alcoholics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, super patriotic, right? Like, Jack Ryan, like the African...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like an Amish, he's like an Amish dude, he's just looking at the frame. Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're next. Smart. He's like, now I work out for 45 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I was talking about how it's like Sandler in uh, in murder mystery is like essentially doing a story that should be for like a 30 year old. He was like knocking on 60 when he did that, no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, we're just a couple, we're like together, like we're- Just a young couple. Yea dude. The hill- For me it added a layer though. We're wondering if we should have kids or not, and it's like- Hills move?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was in the screenplay. What is it? Is it should we get married or whatever? There is a like existential like thing about the relationship though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, but just to, just to circle this whole concept, big natural cause, I wanna drown between two big natural causes. Two big natural causes. I'm trying to die of big natural causes, brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Related to this, in high school, remember? It was like, if it was your birthday, you got punched as many times as like... Oh yeaah. Did you guys have any friends that were like, or not even friends friends, but like people that found out it was your birthday and they're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? And then it was, but it was like real. It was like I got seven more coming, and you're like, we just have two classes together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, just regular girls, right? And then some fuckin' porn stars are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some, some perverted genius was like, well, I gotta go with this. And he, I'm pretty sure he doctored a photo of like, one of them like down, giving head, and then the other one's just like looking off, and they're like at a party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's, that was the point of the whole picture. Yeah, yeah, that's- Okay. Yeah, when, when your conjoined twin wants to hook up. And I don't know why our producers haven't produced this picture in the chat, or even just- Because it's not real, Anders. Even just the one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From what I remember it was like a sketchbook and the kid was drawing like scary sketches, right? Okay. But then the like, Babadook itself was like, the sketches, like the sketch come to life crawling up the ceiling and you're like, it just looks like a bad like liquid TV something or other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Adam, imagine if a giant charcoal drawing of like, came to, came to life, yea. He'd be like, where's my eraser?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys ever see the picture of the Babadook at a party and it was like giving someone a head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they do an encore? What was the highlight? Give me the, give me the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a... Ronda. Ronda Kardashian. Cap in my knowledge. Cruella. Daphne. Daphne Kardashian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ready to be amazed. Did we talk about all this already? Cause I'm like, did I mention here on this podcast that I was in an elevator with Travis Barker in Chicago? I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys seen commercials for Lil Jon's new show? Speaking of yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Siamese twins? There was a famous pair of twins that were Siamese like a hundred years ago, and so that's where it came from. Yes. Yeah, it was from, now it's just cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You honestly don't know when it became Thailand? Okay. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, are you up first? Go ahead. Uh. Oh, we have to say this? Yea, and your best Sammy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a grown-up thing. It made you feel like you were an adult, to be like, I'm into the Rat Pack.


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[Assistant] And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I bought this. I own this. And like in the fine print, you agree that it's just yours. You can't like forward it onto anybody.


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[Assistant] You can't buy it on Apple or Amazon. Like you couldn't go to Best Buy and find that, like you can't get that.


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[Assistant] Uh, but they were just like in limbo. Nobody mind. Go stream it now.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, baby. Mark Hoppus. He just sounds super honky, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I bite my lip and close my eyes. I mean like the stooges.


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[Assistant] What's going on? Rancid. Adam, give me one rancid song. Dude.


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[Assistant] Oh, so you think it started in ska music before... I don't know, ska sounds very American.


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[Assistant] You have to right click with my fucking dude. What are you


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[Assistant] Is it like a sweater material? Cause it looks, or is it like cotton to look sweater material? No, it's...


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[Assistant] It's like a tank top. I thought it was like kinda like woven or something. I was like, did we? Did we do that?


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[Assistant] It's a tag. It's, yeah, cool. That's tight. That's tight. I love it. Well it's hard. I can't touch it. I can't touch it. You know what I mean? Can't touch this.


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[Assistant] Oh, like a nighty? Like a nightgown hanger?


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[Assistant] Wait. Dude, me and Ders are a- Let's see that lip piercing. Yea, pretty tight. Ders, we're dual Travis?


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[Assistant] So Blake, you wore undershirts under your crocheted outfit.


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[Assistant] Was the under color of the shirt like complimentary? What was the whole color scheme? Like was that a part of it or just an obvious cover up of your nipples? What's going on?


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[Assistant] Nah, I- Yea, but there are, there's weird shadows and stuff that happen. I like seeing some


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[Assistant] Yeaah. He's a lizard. He's a lizard. On the rocks. Yep. Reading his comic books. Yep.


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[Assistant] Well that's what it was, it was back in the day, it was in search, you'd have to spend your summer searching for the perfect tan. And that's like what you're looking for, you know? Perfect! Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Did they ever buckle? Did they ever buckle while you were out there?


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[Assistant] I'm just looking at these pictures, it looks like- The answer's Wham-O. Like, yea Wham-O, you did it bro, you did it. It's the 70s and it's Wham-O, but there's no place.


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[Assistant] It's like a little bit smaller, it's like bigger, it's a little bit bigger than my dick's worth of water.


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[Assistant] They were just Instagram. What were they? What are the shoes you have? What are the shoes you have? What are they? They were called Aragatos. Oh sure, yeaah.


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[Assistant] That's, that I'm actually a little bit jealous of that. I think I could use one of those little vibro pads.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Hyper Ice does the, they do the Thera Guns, right? Yeah, I'm all over those things.


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[Assistant] Normatech. Wait, what do you call them then? If it's not called a theragun, what is it? I don't know what it's called. A massage gun.


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[Assistant] I know, but what would you call that? A massage gun? A massage gun.


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[Assistant] Or, uh, a propulsive therapy. Okay. Yeah. I caught a massage gun.


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[Assistant] Not pro- not propulsive. Dude, I love my fucking dick puncher. Like, I love it.


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[Assistant] My shit is crumbling. My body's crumbling. I fell in the competition. I fell in the kitchen on the court when me and Blake were playing pickleball. And it was like...


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[Assistant] What happened? I don't care. Let's talk about it. We're talking about how our bodies fail. Like, we were playing, we were playing pickleball and I fucking, uh, my legs just went out. I went for a slam and my legs fucking dusted. They betrayed me, dude.


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[Assistant] I was running forward, I took, well I was, I moved, I took, I guess I took three steps forward, and then, okay, it's a Paula Buell song, was hitting the ball out of the air as hard as I could to put it away, to get the fucking point, and I did it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so overhead, overhead smash and I did it and then my fucking legs just buckled and I fell right into the fucking kitchen.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, I'm doing some stretching, I'm doing a little, yeaah, I smoke a lot of weed.


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[Assistant] So, so hear me out. So, but tournaments are, I'm learning that tournaments are a totally different animal. Like they are, they're playing.


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[Assistant] I was, well, actually, Anders, I'm thinking after this tournament, I was like, well, I don't think I'm ever going to really participate at the entry level anymore. That's what I was participating at because... Wait, you're just going to go straight pro?


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[Assistant] What do you mean? Well, there's different like rating systems and I think where you play is where your mind is, you know, there's certain strategic levels of the game and stuff. And I feel like I want to be at the 4-0 level and that's where I'm at. But I've been competing at the 3-0 level.


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[Assistant] Every time with partners who have been in the game for less time than I.


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[Assistant] No, I've tried singles. I've done it. I've done that in a tournament and I really actually liked it. It was fun because it was simple.


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[Assistant] You end up standing like 14 feet away from each other and just whacking the ball at each other, you know, like as hard as you can, just trying to...


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[Assistant] It's like, yea, below data point, bro. Oh, below data.


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[Assistant] And Blake, dude, and Blake can play pickleball.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you- you kissed me, bro. You kissed me, dude.


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[Assistant] It just felt right in the moment, huh?


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[Assistant] That kiss was huge. Yeah, well I think it felt right for-


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[Assistant] I think it felt right for me too because you can see my hand be like still and then I go in and I pull you in, you know, so there's a choice, there's a choice to pull you in.


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[Assistant] Did that, that didn't make it in the episode, right? Did it not? I think that hit the cutting room floor.


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[Assistant] Always an advocate for the triple kiss. That's Blake Henderson.


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[Assistant] Oh, it was the, it was the, what were those things called? The TCA's or something like that? Or Pallyfest? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, there's no, there's no real event. There's no real event. There's, and if that's what you mean by special, where it's like, yeah. There's no process.


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[Assistant] It sounds like a little water boy. It sounds like a little, it sounds like a little bayou. No, but water bot, water boy.


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[Assistant] I think probably Porsche engines, yeaah, there's gotta be.


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[Assistant] Also your squad who's around you taking care of the fucking, you know, taking care of the fucking cars.


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[Assistant] Hey, my brother, my brother who directed that said it was kind of a scary environment because you guys were trying-


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[Assistant] Major whoop-hop. Yep, whoop-hop, whoop-hop.


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[Assistant] There might be like a nice, oh, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg.


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[Assistant] Like this is orange County nurses who are like, did you see this fucking guy? Yeah. They're like, you don't


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[Assistant] These are technical terms for throwing around, but for people who don't.


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[Assistant] Here we go. Oh, this is our new weekly runner, Blake's wifi.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, we talked about how I woke up and said that my fly was open and my parents were like, what? Oh dear. Yeah. Yeah. But I was joking.


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[Assistant] It was like a Seinfeld joke and- Yeah, right, right.


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[Assistant] Right. And my mom's like, uh, what? I'm like, just kidding, I'm joking.


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[Assistant] But I thought, am I thinking of somebody else who woke up in a hospital or like maybe they were drunk, they were spitting at the nurse?


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[Assistant] Right, and you, you deserve it. I think that it's an art form, isn't it? Like, isn't that like an anesthesiologist, like a job where your job is to like...


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[Assistant] By the way, when you woke up was on the 405, you're like, we're done. I'm driving.


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[Assistant] Dude, it's like, does it hurt? Or is it like a, cause it's a, it's like braces. It's like a gradual thing that like moves your teeth, right?


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[Assistant] Uh huh, are you like benjening, Benjamin buttoning because it's like you're going from like kind of this thing to this...


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[Assistant] Man. You went from a thing to a thing. That's what it is, yeaah.


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[Assistant] In, in costume. Yeah. Which episodes are we going to be watching?


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[Assistant] With the eyeliner, right? Yeaah. Yeaah. That was...


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[Assistant] God bless America. Remember that dude? He had like a nice little career going. I bet he still does. Doing the, uh, the Barack impression. Cause he was like everywhere.


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[Assistant] Well, Paul Figg does that. Who, me? No, I don't own a blazer. No, no, no, no. I thought Kyle did. Like first week, he like wore something fancy and we were all like, what the fuck are you doing? And then you're like,


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[Assistant] The only meeting I remember getting in a fight with was somebody at Paramount who I was pitching this summer camp slasher to. And, uh, she was like, is it R-rated? And I was like, well, yeah. And she's like, but like, aren't the kids like 13 and 14? And I was like, yes. And then she just goes,


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[Assistant] Well, if you'd shut the fuck up and listen instead of, uh...


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[Assistant] Coming in hot. I, hey, don't come after me. I held your fucking torch while you were gone and talked about dicks for you. He did, he did. She was like, adults don't watch movies about kids. And I was like, what are you basing this on? And she was like, my 20 years in marketing. And I was like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. And then within 12 months, stranger things came out and then it came out and I was like, well, I, I, I could have made those, but, uh, okay.


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[Assistant] Always, baby. And for some reason Adam had a problem with that.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's, I remember now, I was like, that's not okay.


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[Assistant] Okay, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] I could, and by the way, I'm not saying it cause I go, I go, you're wrong. I go, you feel that way based on what? Like sell me on that. I would love to be, I would love to understand the same thing that you're saying the way that you understand it. Cause from where I'm sitting.


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[Assistant] My opinion is wrong. Oh, if I get like something factually incorrect?


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[Assistant] I'm not gonna change my opinion until I'm educated in a way where I go...


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[Assistant] I think my opinionatedness comes from my dumb brain, not understanding where other people are coming from and how they got there.


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[Assistant] How did you get there? I don't know, I don't know what you're talking about.


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[Assistant] Which has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that that's who it was.


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[Assistant] Yeah, push, push back. I like a little push back's fine. A little push back.


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. It's good. Healthy discussion. Cause have you ever, have you ever just been in a room where someone says something and you watch everyone go,


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[Assistant] And that's what's crazy to me. I know, that's weird. Like somebody was like, uh, telling me their friends, their friend created a show, or no?


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[Assistant] Uh, they were like, Hey, are you watching this show? And I was like, Oh, we watched a couple episodes. It drove me crazy. I hated it. Oh, my friend created it. And I go, Oh yeah, it's, I, I think it's a fucking mess. And she's like,


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[Assistant] I just told you my f- I just told you my friend created it. I go, I know, but like- That doesn't make it better! That's not- I'm not gonna tell you- Oh! No, it was actually-


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[Assistant] Would you like it if I started shitting on like one of your friends projects that was, and I was like, is it, was it bad? Is it your opinion that you didn't like it? Then that's fine. It doesn't, it's not going to offend me. Like, right. I don't know where.


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[Assistant] No, but I've always wanted to have conversations with people to be like...


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[Assistant] But again, I'll go, why do you think it was bad? And then they'll go this. And I go, and I might go, you're right. That's the worst part about it. I like all the other stuff. And I think that that outweighs it though, for me, you know, like, but to take it personally like that, when it's just kind of a, I don't know.


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[Assistant] I mean, hey, we stand on their shoulders. You know, different time, just different time.


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[Assistant] What? Isaac! My parents want to come to Chicago and bring, my mom's like, I want to bring my old stewardess buddy and her husband. Oh well, they've seen it all.


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[Assistant] These are all people in their 70s and maybe 80s. And I go, I go, okay mom, if you want to bring them and just listen to us talk about, I literally say the same thing, talk about buttholes for an hour.


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[Assistant] Hey, Chicagoland fucking show out. Let's go. Yeah, baby. Go out.


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[Assistant] Damn, son. And did we mention that we're having the entire cast of The Bear joining us in Chicago? Yeah, we didn't mention that. We didn't. Oh, and we shouldn't, because they aren't. And we shouldn't.


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[Assistant] No, but he, he looks like a young teenage wrestler. He's kinda got the like, he's a little guy, right?


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[Assistant] Cause their looks aren't gonna save the movie. I feel like that's been a...


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[Assistant] There's been a lot of look movies that have fallen flat and not delivered on like the stills that get released. Totally.


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[Assistant] Who was he in that? Who, who's he playing that? That's Dave Franco.


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[Assistant] Well, I can get behind that. Very funny in Mike and Dave. Thank you for saying it. Thank you for saying it. I'm more of a neighbor.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you think so, but then you, you never know. I do like, never know. He's on the bear, he's like in the alley, like squatting down, bent over, smoking and talking to people.


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[Assistant] Like that's a move. I don't know if I would do a movie and they'd, and I'd squat down to smoke, they'd be like,


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[Assistant] You should stand up. Or like, what are you doing? It looks, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Hey, when we get to Chicago, are you, are we going, we're going a day early. Are you guys coming over to my parents' house or what?


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[Assistant] I mean, Mustards is right by me. Everybody gets a shirt. You guys actually have a picture up in there. It's me and you guys.


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[Assistant] By the way, when did it go from like, do you want to be a cheapskate and do 17%? Do you want to do 24, 29, or 36? And you're like, aren't I already paying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, have you guys gotten left hanging by an app? Like, what? Yes, I have gotten hanging. I go, yo, whatever. I order some wings, right? Yes. And then he goes, it'll be, it'll be there in an hour. Nice.


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[Assistant] Wife's out watching Barbie. Daddy's shootin' up.


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[Assistant] That was for the kids. No, no, no, this is just for me. The kids already had like, whatever. They had their chicken nuggies. PB&J? Something, yea, exactly. Fair. Ooh, that sounds good. And so then like, I'm sitting there and it goes, you got a new driver. And I go, alright, whatever it takes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then 15 more minutes goes by and it goes, we got a new driver. It's now been an hour and a half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I go, I go into the app and I'm like, yo, you guys just absolutely ruined my night. Now I'm eating dinner from somewhere. It's somehow like 10 PM at night. I gave my kids sleeping pills. I ordered food. I gave them shots of whiskey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, we can offer you $10. Well, you get your money back and you get like a $10 to play with or whatever. And I was like, I want $50 or I'm deleting this app. Good for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, uh, I can't do that. $10 is the max. And I go.


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[Assistant] You have a shot right now to keep a customer who will keep using...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DoorDash or whatever the fuck it was. And they're like, okay.


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[Assistant] This is like, yeah. No, this is like the text thing. I go, I go, you can get years of my money. They're like, dude, can I go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm not even texting a person. This is a machine.


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[Assistant] You can either send me a $50 reimbursement or you can just lose so much money for the rest of the existence of your company.


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[Assistant] Adam's a good mixer. And, uh, my buddy's wife works for them and she's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was like, you use, you use Postmates? You use like Uber Eats? And so then I go, alright, like I'm gonna move yours to the front of the line. I'll use this one. And then like, on my second or third order with them, I get stiffed. Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I agree. Market, market, markedly? It was markedly worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I believe I was a Papa John's guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I have also since had Papa John's and not been pleased with it.


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[Assistant] Costco? Is this pizza that you cook? No, no, I'm talking- or is this pizza that they make in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have to go into a Costco. You have to walk into a place. No, no. No, it's outside. It's outside of Costco.


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[Assistant] It doesn't scare me, Ders, because I bought- When something edible costs $1.50, doesn't that scare you?


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[Assistant] Yeah, Mitch McConnell keeps just, they're like, and Mitch, uh, he looks like a Star Wars character. What are you going to do like after this press conference? And he's just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, wait a second, how old is Ron DeSantis? He's like three years older than me.


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[Assistant] Into his defense, neither do I. Uhm, well that's the thing. With both of these guys.


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[Assistant] No, not at all! That wouldn't be a perk just to set the record straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me apologize to this person, this pregnant woman in the meeting at MGM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there was some sort of misunderstanding, I mean, it clearly... It could have been MGM, it could have been something else. I mean, Isaac Tepp put her in the chat, and I've actually met with her a bunch since then, and it hasn't been...


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[Assistant] Adam, you couldn't have said it more correctly. One of us will be working and we're rooting for you, pal. We love you.


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[Assistant] I, greedy, want that to happen, greedy, after the strike, greedy.


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[Assistant] I still know all, I still know all my lines and your lines, guys.


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[Assistant] Oh, flip that switch. It's 104 degrees out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TII, we love you guys. Nope. You don't want to miss this. Kyle, you're never gonna- Kyle's so close to becoming a hermit, everybody. You're never going to see him. This is going to be it. I'm gonna actually have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back when music was good in the early aughts, okay?


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[Assistant] Ders wants you to touch on it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's like, I'm good, I'm good with that. And then I suggested the Pitch Perfect 2 soundtrack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he said, hell yeaah. I like that. Let's get it started.


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[Assistant] And I walked out directly after the, like here in the end of it and being like, oh, that seems like a, like she's going for it. And then just seeing like security guards faces. I didn't see her. And then I just saw like security guards faces being like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude. That was really good. Really good.


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[Assistant] That's a quick find. Uh, well, whenever you want me to sing it, I could sing it. I could do the whole dance, dude. I had that one. That one is seared into the memory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The live tour is gonna start in like a few weeks. Uhm. Yes! We'll do it live!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll do it live! Yeah, so we're just a few weeks out from the live podcast where I guarantee you I'm gonna sing that song in its entirety every show. Every goddamn show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel, no, I was not there. I never saw it in the theater. I feel like I saw once and I think I was very young and being like, nah, this ain't for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Texas fervor. Well, you know, I just dealt with a lot of fervor myself online, uh, with Marvel. Uh oh. The whole Marvel thing that I talked about in the podcast a few weeks ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, because then they would have used, then they would have used Perver, our podcast and not the Yvonne's podcast when referencing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I see what you're saying, like, edging, like, the build up. Yeah, like. Sure. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like white men can't jump so they play pickleball.


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[Assistant] I think it's more like plotting. It's plotting hands. No. You're plotting something. You're ready for a takeover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I just got my, uh, my, uh, like a first physical since I was like 15 years old yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now what's Apollo? Jesus, you're poor asshole, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, St. Louis was just, uh, rated, uh, most dangerous city in America. We'll do it live. Let's, let's do it. Yeah, we'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure Nellie's coming. He's gonna be the guest in St. Louis. Cleveland, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Phoenix, Arizona, I mean, we've, we've promoted Game Over Man there, and that place is a- Oh my god. B-b-b-b-b-banger. Yea, Arizona rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck it! Yeah, okay, well cool. That's very cool. And I, uh, I mean, that's cool that we're gonna be in Long Beach. I haven't spent a ton of time in Long Beach. I've done the Laugh Factory there a couple times, but I'm excited to mess up Long Beach. Yeah, that's gonna be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked it. Yeaah. Denver rocks. Dude, Denver fucking rocks. It's a great city, it's super clean, uh, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are just names. Those are just fun nicknames.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Show your buttholes! That's not Arizona. We'll do that in St. Louis, which is in the Show Me State.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're, we'll juice up like Mark McGuire. Okay. And, uh, and have a good time under the arch. Uh huh. In beautiful St. Louis. What other things do you guys know about St. Louis? In the show me state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, barbecue. St. Louis is known for barbecue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's enough. The guy with the mask. Dude, Murphy Lee, that's a lot of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we go to, then we go to Cleveland, Ohio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh damn, that's so clues. Oh yeaah. Cleveland rocks, according to Drew Carey, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So after Cleveland, Ohio, we're sticking in Ohio. We evidently love the Buckeye State. Oh yes. Cause we're going to Columbus, and I don't think I've ever been to Columbus. Ooh. Oh. So this is pretty exciting. I've been to...


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[Assistant] Every other one of these cities so far. I love that.


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[Assistant] And then we're going to, uh, Indianapolis.


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[Assistant] That's huge, man. Wow, congrats, bud. And how many LBs did you drop, do you think? And have you been actively trying, or are you just playing pickleball?


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[Assistant] Well that's what's gonna happen, I'm just gonna be fuckin' thick with it. Yeah, you'll lead the way.


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[Assistant] We, we recorded together, or was it me and you Ders that recorded together? I, I don't think it was me.


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[Assistant] No, actually we got, we got good residuals for that because it was on, uh, it was on because they play it so much. So American Dad was a great, great gig. So what are residuals?


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[Assistant] So Louisville, Kentucky, I don't think I've ever been to Louisville. Louisville.


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[Assistant] Uh, I, I went there, uh, well I've been there several times since, but when I was shooting the Outlaws, we went there and I'd only been there one other time before that. And I walk in and the, uh, the


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[Assistant] Woman who's like in charge, the bartender, uh, lady, she was like, Oh, hey honey, uh, I saved your seat for you right here, baby. Sit on down. Uh, good to see you Adam. And then people are like looking around as if I come in there all the time.


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[Assistant] Whoa! Whoa! So you throw the can up, and then she takes her giant titties and goes, Uh huh.


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[Assistant] It's science. Whoa! He smashes the can in between her giant titties. Oh my gosh. Yeah, dude. I'm so- Dude, Kyle, you gotta-


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[Assistant] Dude, I hung out with, uh, Mikey last night. We went and got sushi downtown in, uh, Old Japan Town, which I did not know was a thing in Los Angeles, but it is, and it's fucking awesome down there. That sounds badass.


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[Assistant] Uh, and then- I'm so jelly. I'm so jelly now, bitch. After we get wild in Hotlanta, we're gonna- That's gonna be sick. Kinda cool off a little bit, maybe chill out, cause we're hidden.


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[Assistant] Salt Lake City. Ohhhh. SLC, baby. Oh, very strong.


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[Assistant] It means a percentage. Less, less percentage of alcohol, yes.


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[Assistant] I think you'll be arrested on the spot and I would love that. I think this tour isn't a success unless specifically Blake is arrested. FUCK IT!


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[Assistant] Like, uh, Latter-day was just like in the 60s or whatever when the Mormons created this religion. Yeah, the Latter-day. Latter-day is like, yeah.


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[Assistant] Latter Day is for the boys merch for Salt Lake City.


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[Assistant] You know, I met KingGraphyJr. just a few weeks ago. How was he?


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[Assistant] Matt's in the Market was a restaurant we're gonna go to when we are in Seattle. It was so damn good. It was called Matt's in the Market.


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[Assistant] Matt's in the market. Kyle, what is Kyle doing? And, uh, Joel McHale took me there after the, uh,


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[Assistant] Fuck him, this is boring. MLB Celebrity All-Star Game.


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[Assistant] I use those restrooms, it's, they're nice, they're clean, and I think you'll enjoy jerking off in them.


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[Assistant] I eat because I'm unhappy. So I think, I think I'm probably gonna hit it, uh, you know, it's just I'm not gonna be able to work out or really move for a few weeks.


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[Assistant] Wow. Yeah, that's when you know that, that's when you know it's bad news.


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[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not quite there, but it's drooping a little bit more than my stomach. My stomach doesn't really droop, and it's starting to droop.


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[Assistant] If, if you're just sitting straight up- Don't do it while you're shitting. And your gut touches your thighs, I agree with Ders, that is when you're, you're a little loose in the cage, brother.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Kyle, I think you are, I think a good doctor would tell you that you are obese. I think a good doctor would let you know that.


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[Assistant] For days. So then they lose, they lose a ton of weight and then they're just like kinda jacked stacked dudes and you're kinda like, is that the trick? Well sometimes like when I went- That's what I'm doing, it's my-


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[Assistant] No, I'm proud of you. Good, good work. And that's mostly pickleball related. So, you know, think, hey. So shout out to Selker. Shout out to Big Pickleball.


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[Assistant] I would love an apology from Kyle since he sort of like zoned out when I was talking about Ken Griffey Jr. and you just sort of decided if it's


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[Assistant] But then if you have to wear it, you have to wear it back up, upside down and, uh, backwards in order to read it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, thanks. I think the families really did a great job of carrying the load. My dad was on a good one. Unbelievable. Yes, your father was very funny.


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[Assistant] The Children's Miracle Network Hospitals, uh, for, it's just a, uh, a group of children's hospitals. And we're not gonna stop.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I remember, I actually remember. Like, get me a fucking fundip. He was my friend.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


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[Assistant] Is that what you want? You want to just, uh, change what a cult- a culture's been doing for hundreds of years into-


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[Assistant] Like one of those cups that you, like a camping cup?


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[Assistant] It actually played quite a prevalent, uh, it was during the pandemic when at the very beginning when the hospitals were being overrun.


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[Assistant] Zero. Blake reaches out to me, not at all. But I guess your girl's throwing the party, so she's reaching out.


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[Assistant] So she reaches out to my girl and is like, yeah, there's like a little thing going on Monday. And I'm like, that's tough for me.


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[Assistant] So this is what, this is, this is what went down. I had a vasectomy that morning. Okay, alright, okay, okay.


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[Assistant] That's not gonna feel- They lost- The doctor- The doctor lost my balls.


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[Assistant] They fucking, they cut me open, yeaah, I know that. I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] So he does all like the local anesthesia, hits me with the shots, right? Which hurt like a bitch if I remember correctly.


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[Assistant] Just tanning my hide. And I can't feel anything, but I'm like. Were you knocked out for this? No, no, no. You're awake, you're talking, this dude's going on about like snowshoeing, and I'm like, yeah. What the fuck, bro? That's what Kyle's dude did. Remember hella cat?


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[Assistant] Ders, you texted me that like, yea, no scissors, they're ripping it open, and I thought that was an obvious joke. No.


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[Assistant] I got, I got, I got to do the Miles Davis thing. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't, he didn't take any requests. Damn. You didn't get a playlist. Bummer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's a Honda Ridgeline. But does it have to be in that specific spot or is it any moment, any, any? That's where it is. I mean, there's a fucking hole there now, dude.


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[Assistant] Alright, take your pants off, and you're like, See? This is strange. Yeah, for sure.


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[Assistant] So did they not have to iodine you? They didn't have to dump iodine on your fucking... There wasn't iodine, she just hit me with like soaps.


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[Assistant] She's soaping it. She's soaping it. I guess she doesn't have to. Every job has its perks. Kyle, is this adding up? And she, and she, and she's like, uh, and so then she's being totally normal. Leads.


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[Assistant] I want the biggest guy in the world to just go around taking pictures of peoples drivers licenses and dicks.


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[Assistant] Well there is the guy who like walks around on uh, social media, his videos are just like, bumping into people and then like, seeing what like, knocking their food out or whatever.


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[Assistant] I think it's paper towels, but it- Yeah, football sucks. Paper towels is not so bad.


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[Assistant] On the bottom shelf. I also like the version of that.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, oh, but when you go to the fucking- I'm part of my- like, uh, a restaurant opinion on In-N-Out.


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[Assistant] Just missed you at Top Snider yesterday. Burger King fries? They've come a long way. They keep changing the recipe though. I don't know if I've had the latest recipe. I don't know if I have.


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[Assistant] Is that your vest? No, this is, shout out to Amundsen. That's beautiful. No, I got a gift card to go there and check that out.


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[Assistant] What's going on? Sometimes you just gotta buy a... What?


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[Assistant] I went to, yeah, I got a gift card from somebody. So I was like, I'm on this side of town. Let's do this. Kind of struck out.


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[Assistant] Oh boy, I'm glitching. Oh, Ders will PAPT. Ders is frozen.


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[Assistant] Just to see if they could. He was like, let me try. And I go, alright.


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[Assistant] No, but I did ask, I go, what was like the R&D into like doing it this way? And he was like, yeah, I don't know. He was faster, he says, but there's no stitches. It's just, it's a whole, it's like the size of your pupil.


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[Assistant] Maybe I do have two. I know I got one. Yeah, show it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it just feels like you got kicked into nuts the first day you heard in the stomach.


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[Assistant] Yea, you should check. Maybe, uh, someone's ripping your nuts.


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[Assistant] But hey man, if the doctor's listening, slide in the DMs and tell me why.


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[Assistant] Great. And by the way, the doctor, the doctor, you're listening doc, uh, great job, great bedside manner, warm hands. Oh good. And he, what did he say? He was like, I got, he didn't say kung fu grip.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and by the way, sure, shaving like, shaving like your pelvis, but then they're like, and also get the shaft of your penis and your balls, and I'm like...


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[Assistant] Uh, it'll only take me a moment. That's insane.


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[Assistant] Uh, he was wearing like regular scrubs. Dr. White pants.


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[Assistant] If you're, I do feel like if you're in LA paying certain prices, like, and, and you can tell by their offices, right? Like if they're good, their office is good, they're in a good location, right?


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[Assistant] Like, these people have business loans and they need to prove that they can make the money back, so they're, you know, they're coming from, they gotta show their credentials.


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[Assistant] Cause if they were bad, people wouldn't be going and they wouldn't be able to pay those bills, those automobiles.


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[Assistant] If you're paying rent to be a doctor in Beverly Hills, like, you're probably pretty fucking good at your job, or you're really good at talking.


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[Assistant] I think she just, cause she did a different, there was another roast before that, but I think...


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[Assistant] You just set it up and you tell people to go there. And it exists for the event.