[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our teacher and coach when we worked for the National Lampoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lemmings, which is a touring sketch group that we did, the, what, one or two summers before we ended up getting workholics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, doing Workaholics, but for the first time we actually were just doing comedy full time and that was sort of what we were concentrating on. Great guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also you can see like, the craziest...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, homeless people. Like, or maybe not, they might have a home. Talented.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was either you could pay to come in and see us or there's all this kind of really fun, free,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entertainment right outside, or might cost you a buck or two, but you're gonna see Spider-Man playing a banjo doing backflips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I remember we would have like, twelve page long sketches. Where it's like, they don't need to be this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some of the live sketches would correspond with what we needed to play things on the video screens at certain times as if we're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was, remember, the DJs were the spin doctors, remember, and then we- Exactly, doctors, pandemic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. I know, that was the best because then they like couldn't kick us out even though you could tell the security's like, you know, get these fucking comedy dorks out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's people in shiny shirts. Blake kind of fit in because he was rocking, um, Affliction. So like he was kind of fitting in but the rest of us were like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure, funniest person. And we were like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my dad really fucked with Star Trek. He would, uh, with Captain Picard. That was his shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, uh, l-literally know- yeah, probably those sexy ass aliens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big ol' titties. It was before, it was before like, we had internet, so he probably was... If I know my dad, Dennis Devine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think it was because they're sexy halfish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad was down there, for sure, jerking off, allegedly, to the hot alien babes. Whether, whether they had gills or no gills. The carnations. The carnations. That's for sure why he liked it. And also, um, Captain Picard, bald, white guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda looks like my dad, like, you know, if you squint hard enough, they could be brothers or something. He's probably like, yeah, I'm Captain Picard. I'm like a cool ass dude. Is it Captain or is it Lieutenant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and that's why America doesn't give a fuck about Hollywood anymore. It's cause we give awards to movies that absolutely no one has seen. Yea, I mean these guys are running on Duncan. No one watched that movie. Shape of Water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm waiting for the, uh, I will fuck your girl sketch, cause, damn, that would be too funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the fact that you, Kyle, you gave him the role of sound guy after this guy has been garbage on the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did, uh, Creed? Was Creed the soundtrack?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna be just as emotional during the Hollywood video documentary? That's the one I wanna watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I had my accident when I was a kid, the main street movies, the like local non-chain


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the first I was, like my mom was getting something at a grocery store and it was right by where I had to stand next to my mom by the checkout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like porno magazines, and they were like down low, like by me. So I just grabbed one and opened one up, not even thinking, I'm thinking I'm just looking at a magazine, and I just saw...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stopped, dude. My heart stopped. I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It like, it stopped my heart. I like put it back right away and I was petrified that my mom saw me look at it. But then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the rest of time that we lived by this store, I would always be like, hey, you want to stop at, in, in this gas station? We could always, we could always just swing by that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they were gonna show nudity. I was like, they have to. They have to this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have to this week. They have to. They've been teasing it. But they just kept showing stockings. They kept showing those silk stockings. Which did it for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that might have been, uh, you might have went behind that velvet curtain at your local video store and saw that. Pizza, pizza. How many licks does it take to get to the center?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched Entourage, uh, during the quarantine at the beginning of quarantine because I just love, uh, really well made comedies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, they had a spinoff show, a cartoon, that it was Johnny, Johnny's Bananas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm assuming that it's the same there. Durs is like old guy, right? And so Durs, probably someone that was Durs's age, uh, also wrote for Entourage and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then someone's like, uh, Johnny's Bananas, and then it makes the show. And that's how television is created, kids. That's like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good ass writer's room right there. Yeah, there's zip-zap-zopping all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Oh really? Orange Coast Community College, OCC, uh, it was a great community college that both, that all three of us went to. Both Blake, Kyle, and myself. So it's called OCC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like fuck that shit early slime. Yeah, you know, I mean OCC OCC rocks


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well for sure, uh, the people listening to this podcast have no fucking clue what you guys are talking about. Well let's get into, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd say you're the oldest soul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's got the youngest soul? Who's the youngest soul in our crew?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us about, uh, like, when you told me about, like, uh, how we're all moon dust and stuff. Tell us about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Ders is a weird one, cause it's just talking about his soul. It's cause for sure you meet Ders and you're like, that's an old soul type guy. But then you find out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can't read a clock and he doesn't brush his teeth at night. And there's like a few things that you clock with him that you're like, I don't, I can't, I don't know this guy. I've known this guy for almost 20 years, still don't know this man. Like we just found out just the other day that the guy doesn't brush his teeth at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DiAngelo, possibly? Yes. Please explain what that means, uhm, because I don't- I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, during that time I wasn't listening, I was listening to like, cool music, like, Maxbox 20. I'm sorry. Uhm, Fastball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what does that, what does that mean, Neosoul?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's, I think that's right, is we're, is he's 40, but now that we're getting to the place that we're damn neat, we're almost 40, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're just, he's starting to make a lot more sense. It's all starting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all starting to make more sense now. In our 20s I was like, I can't figure this guy out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then now it's all starting to make sense. Now I'm like, maybe I shouldn't brush my teeth at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buy quip, because quip is much cheaper, uh, it lasts longer, um, it's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. I like how proud Kyle was. Kyle was so proud when he was like, you just need a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they take that off. And then they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They take, they walk in with it, they take it off, they hold it, and then when they're done, they put it back on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that, I know that it's about to get cancelled and like, they don't want to do the running the bulls anymore and people are like, the bulls are, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if the running of the bulls, uh, is that or not. But someone eats the, the, the, the meat of the bull? Yeah, for sure they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like it's just a thing that I've seen forever, eh, you know, uh, in movies and television and stuff, and I just was always like, oh, that would be like a cool thing when you're all old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on your deathbed to be like, oh I did all this crazy shit in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To have done it, yea. To think about when you're like all old and you're just going like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're just not one of those old people that are like, Oh, I sat in my house for 40 years and then I died. You know, you're like, I did this. I like climbed a mountain, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have people died? Do people die when that happens? People have died, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, speaking of, did you guys just watch Bad Trip? Have you guys seen Bad Trip yet? Eric Andre's movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was there any take backs, apologies, uh, or epic slams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They saw that tight little afro and they, they weren't liking what you were throwing down, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we like it if she was too hot to be in a KSC, is that what we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There wasn't a compliment in there for any, the three of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each one of you almost every time, I compliment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got nothing. You don't take back nothing. You stand by everything you said. I forgot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even when you went on that, uh, uh, on that racist rant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I'm constantly just sitting in my room just playing the soundboard thinking about you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember when they'd say like, if you wear green, you're horny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because subliminally, it makes you very, very hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, since I'm on set for Woke on Hulu, I'm being paid to wear the Hulu has life's live sports jersey everywhere I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little dusty, yeah. Yeah, I kind of didn't think about this, but Atlanta is sort of a magical place. I didn't even, I forgot until I was driving on the freeway and I saw this big installation that looked like a torch and I'm like, oh shit, they had like one of the sickest Olympics here. It was like, yeah, that was a dope Olympic. Remember that shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, someone did mention that the other day when I was watching. They're like, it's getting very close to where we could actually get some kind of celebrity death match going. That would be so sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, it would be a bonus if the people fighting I actually wanted to be dead, but uhm, just if you're putting your life on the line out there, a battle to the death, that's gonna be probably worth a watch, right? It's gonna be a pretty intense viewing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I'm all about the tension. I like it, I like it really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good to be scared to talk on a podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, why does everybody, so do the worms get transferred through clothing to other people in the house? Why do you have to boil everything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll say I never had worms as a child. I have not dealt with that, but in my life, uh, something I had to deal with was lice. Did you guys ever get down with, uh, lice? I never had a party with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would have to use this special shampoo and then these combs that are super, super like, like the, the, the bristles are super close together so that they- Fine tooth? Yea, very extremely fine tooth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Yeah. So that's how you get it. I mean, you don't necessarily have to be the dirty kid at school, but- Yeah, but that dirty kid brings it. But I remember Kyle- Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the funny things that Kyle told me, cause I was getting this lice and then Kyle started to get the lice probably cause we were just freaking hanging out all the time, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to that scary clown, Adam, he'll be apologizing at the end of the pod. He didn't mean to elbow you in the face and then squeeze both your tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how's uh, how's Houston treating you? Are they doing you right and all that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like the idea of you like, uhm, testing their, their sense of humor by doing like pranks on them and stuff. And they're like, sir, if you could just, this is, uh, really serious stuff. Yeah, there's nothing funny about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I do, uh, man, I honestly like, you know, I've had a lot of like, experience with cancer in my family and I, I do believe that half the battle is just keeping like that positive attitude and like really just, you know, being able to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're super stoked to have you as the first and only guest on This Is Important. That's right. There you go. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, it was just good to see him. You're right, I keep getting all of my news through you. I never actually went to the source to reach out to Dennis D, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what were his other movies? Clean Slate, Good Concept, movie, kind of forgettable. He was like a detective who every morning he forgot everything. Check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was more like there was like a love story and like, I don't know, I just never see like, Dana Carvey as a romantic lead. Yeaah. And there's just tons of weird sex scenes in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta check the- I gotta check the writing credits. I have a feeling he may have been in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I know is I really wanted to get the kind of pants he wore. He wore like those like red and black striped pants. I'm like, I've gotta dress just like Incintura because this dude is getting ba-a-ave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's I would say that yeah, that should be a sign that maybe they get off the iPad for just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, first I'm like, why is- why is Dennis using his sexy voice on us? Is he trying to fuck us? And then I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I actually went on an adventure last night, uhm, for my first time ever, I went, uh, to a drag show. Have you guys ever been to a drag show? Yeah, I have one time. I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, it was, it was very cool. I had a great time. Um, but like going, uh, there wasn't a theme. It's usually like, you know, lots of Britney Spears lip syncing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. This one was a little like, kind of like underground and like seemed like, you know, it was kind of like this was the first time the dude had hosted it, but he'd been doing it for like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this was the thing, I'm like, I go in there, right? I go down the stairs, and while I'm walking down the stairs, four, um, you know, four guys ask me, like, hey, will you take our picture in the stairwell? And I'm like, yeah, for sure, for sure, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I take the picture, I'm handing the phone back and the guy's like, wait, are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake from Workaholics? I'm like, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, I'm actually here, I'm filming something here in Atlanta, and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I could tell because you have makeup on your face. And I'm like, no, no, I don't have any makeup on. He's like, oh, yeah, you do have makeup on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so weird, so I go over to the other cast members of Woke. I'm like, this dude just told me that I'm wearing makeup. What's going on? And they're like, dude, you look fucking insane. The whole place is like lit with backlight, er, black lights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was picking up with the black light, so my face looked like it was glowing, like I was wearing glowing white face, or like, I was like one of the neon gang members from Batman Forever, if you get that reference. It was like, I looked insane. I looked absolutely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's here on the DL, but he completely, like, makeup'd himself out. I wonder if he's getting on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a Californian, you gotta put on some SPF, dude. We get hit by that sun, you're gonna get like, skin cancer on your face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I would say maybe get em, get em looked at, I don't know, I just don't think any kind of spots on your body are necessary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, any relation there? I gotta look into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be really cool if I came from, uh, really smart doctors. I'm gonna say no, uh, nobody in my family is a smart doctor. Just cause I feel like I would've got some of the trickle down knowledge and I'm a pretty dumb guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way I know I'm a dumb person is because if I meet someone dumber than me and it's very rare that it happens, it really sticks out in my mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm just saying dude, as a front desk concierge, there are just a few things you gotta know. I literally ask, like, where is, what floor is the garage on? Or how do I get to the parking garage? And they're like, I think maybe second floor? And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I checked and it was, and then I came back down like immediately after and I'm like, Hey, you were right. And they're like, what? I'm like, second floor, the garage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the magic of us is how collectively stupid we are. That's why I love us, guys. Come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. We would have the like tan off, and I would never wear any sort of sunscreen, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So you're saying, but like I guess the thing that would be good, like a stationary bike is pretty legit, but you're saying swimming in the water is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get out! You know our, you know where our knowledge stops. It stops with Simon!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like that would be fun to talk to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well cool. Let me take that back. I don't want to be inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is so swampy, dude. I hate it. I am keel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's very true, that's like the meaning of it is like the best man is your best swordsman. The person who has your back the best. What sort of? Yes. I don't think that's true at all. And then your groomsmen are also fighters. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, let me get the, let me get the real thing here going here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't lead it on though. But now I'm getting into something that's crazy. Like this is like in a time when marriage by capture was practiced. Close friends of the groom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you just do, uh, the bachelor party like a couple days earlier? You know, like just call the- do it right before the wedding. The night before. Like a couple days before the wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let's fashion some pipe bombs. That sounds cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, dude. Damn, that's crazy. The dude was making a chemi-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't listened to it in a while. Like, what's up? Like- Number one. We're number one. Is it still-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Ders, keep up, man. Wait, let should go? What are we talking about here? What's going on? I like what's happening. Let should go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I've, I've, I have definitely been where you were at, and I am like, I've done the research, like, I, I... Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they want to have some kind of meaning behind it all, you know what I mean? Like all the fucking hate and the violence and put a head on the, on the horrific things that go on in society. So that's, it's wrapped around, I mean at the bottom of it, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Child trafficking and- Well for sure, yea, they- Pedophilia. And you're like, well if you get there, if you dig and you get there, you're like, well- Well yea, for sure. I know, like- Yea, like if you have any kind of like, higher power, like you believe that people are controlling certain things and elements.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, and then they go, so are we, so get in here. One hundred percent, Anders, I know, I get, no I know, and that's where people really get hooked. That's what happens. That's, that's what's at the bottom of it, if you're looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and so everything else is just a byproduct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we got it on, we, we got it. They, they did something on, uh, on Murder Mystery because the guy's last name in it was Quince.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I put a Q pillow in there. It was Q on everything. And this was like, you know, three, whatever, three years ago, two, three years ago. And there was a post that came out that was like, Q is in this movie and they're telling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're giving us a message through the pillow placement of this shot. And I remember being on set being like, they're like, should we put the Q pillow right there? And I was like, yeah, it looks pretty cool. It's Quince. Like that's our character. That's where we are. Like it makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's face value, you don't have to, you don't have to go further than just the wordplay. You know, do five minutes on just the wordplay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's night time. Okay, what happens next? Good start. Good start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. We cast him, dude. Yeaah, that's sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you guys know that I was, I acted, I was in the final episode of the CSI, right? That's right, that's right. No. We didn't know that. You got cut, I thought, right? Didn't you? Yeah, I thought you got cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like to set? Cast had to go to set. So I came out my trailer and I like fucking sat in the van.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it running. Dude, I was so stoked, like I was doing, and I was like, nobody here fucking knows me, this is great. I'm like doing my line, just having fun with the guy who I'm doing it with, and then the dolly grip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude Bill was pushing Dolly and I'm like, what the fuck, I know this guy and his fucking- Oh, we know Bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's a great job. Don't we know a guy on the show? I remember one time I was on, uh, on... On one of those CSIs? On... no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just figured maybe the headphones were a clue. I thought I'd just tell em, you know? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kept him up at night. I like that. He's like, dude, oh my God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked how, I liked how like, thick you went into, into certain parts of it. You know, I thought it was really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I moved to... Keep going, give us another, give us another reading.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it sounds like he's really got a cool character going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright mate, yeaah, mate, alright, kick, gimme your fucking money, alright, alright, shit, thanks for your fag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you want? What are you looking at? Kyle is the most talented actor of us all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a weird, uh, Tesla movie. Have you seen his Tesla?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, Ethan Hawke, Adam I appreciate it, but I did turn, I did almost watch an Ethan Hawke movie the other day and then decided not to after the trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, the, the new Tesla movie that he, that he made where he plays Nikolai Tesla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was bizarre, dude. Like I was like, what is going on? I need more. I need more. Why bizarre? Why? Well, it had like weird interviews, mixed media, strange, like modern mixed with back in the day. It felt like it was like all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drive or uhm. Drive. Or what's the one before it with uh. Too old to die young. Watch it. What's the one before it with Tom Hardy? Drive fucking ruled. What's the Tom Hardy one? Eh. Monster? Not monster. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bronson. Yea, Bronson was like really stagey. Like it was like, it's like a movie that was conceptualized for the stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I can do that a lot. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, see now, Natural Born Killers, I was talking about that the other day, that's Oliver Stone's most artsy flick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] JFK's pretty wild. No, not as wild. Not as wild as fuckin' natural born killers. He shot with every camera. Natty Bo? I call it Natty Bo. Go ahead. He shot with like every camera. He had every type of medium on that movie. And he was just like firing. That shit was bizarre, dude. But that had like- It's just- It's just bananas, mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unreal. Yeah man, he just showed up and rolled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't do it enough, I guess, you know, if I truly am your guys' favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I work with a lot of Brits. I've had conversations and I have looked like a complete fool when Luke Evans is like, now should I be from this part of England or this part? And I'll say, do them both for me and I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They both sound the same to me. And then he's like, no, this is this and this is this. I'm like, okay, I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Luke Evans. That's a, the Brits are, those Brits are fucking solid ass performers, man, I love them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got a different, uh, they're definitely a different type of craft for sure. That's why they come over and they snatch that shit. They take our fucking rolls. Cause they fucking, they hit it. They come to work and they get it done. Well thank god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but this one was fuckin' tight, dude. Wayne and Garth back, they clicked right back in. You've already seen the commercial? How'd you see it? I, I, it's like a Grubhub something, you can look it up, I saw it yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I'm a DoorDash guy. I was like, look at these guys. They're fucking like, clicked right back in. It was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom has a shirt that she bought online that has like all workaholic shit on it and it's like, I didn't, that's not even- Jet Set made it? Yea. Jet Set made it. Where'd you get that mom? It's like got the MOC logo on it, like the mail order comedy logo on the end, she's got a sick ass fucking tank top and I'm like where did you get that? I want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was at the end of quarantine and I definitely was pungent. I was pungent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really hot. Really hot. And it's just frustrating. Like, it's like, that's why I went back to boxers. That's why I stopped wearing sacks some, some times of the year because they got, it got too hot. You know, you gotta wear something a little more breathy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once the stores are open again, it's not all on the internet. I know. The first thing we're going to do is go shopping, mate. Let's do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, copy that. Cool. After it airs and you listen to this, then you'll bring it back up. Yes, correct. We know the cycle. Um, after hearing you guys talk about my performances and I appreciate that. I really, and you know, I want to compliment CSI for cutting me out of the last episode because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that were out there, I don't think it was a good performance. Lit a fire under you, didn't it? I don't think I had enough to latch onto in that role, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's why I like acting. I like acting because when the roles come from the heart and I think that that's what shows. Sarah? I agree with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No man, I'm really trying to wean myself off the let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I just had that, remember they would have like that spot cream for acne where it was like skin colored or skin tone. That's makeup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it was like, uh, oxy clean product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one thing I do remember about all those, uh, the pads and stuff is the smell. To this day, I can recall the smell of the oxy pad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, vulnerable, uhm, it just sends me back to a time when I was very, very self-conscious about how I looked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's your NOS. You just click in. Hold up, I'ma pop this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she scarred you physically and emotionally, and I think you guys have a lot to talk about. Yea, we do. But, Ders, didn't our little like, your zit videos, you kinda walked me down the path of I feel like I discovered like, bot flies from you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys, listeners at home in your car, wherever you are right now, this is not for the weak stomach, like these videos are gnarly. Botfly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it anywhere? Wherever they are on Naked and Afraid, they be getting those things on that show a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you got to. You really got to. That shit is so nasty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I will be honest, I'm, I'm pretty surprised that I haven't caught a whiff. I was in the car with Corona one time and I thought I had it the next day. Oh, for sure. I, I tested negative. I went directly to a testing site and... Right. Nice. Thank you, God!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Kevin Durant, the basketball player, has had it like five times. They keep pulling him out of games like, he's got corona, he's got-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, bring em back. Yo, I gotta go real quick. Yeah, I got that rona.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is actually from UHF, but it's a play, it's a play on uh, what was that Richard Dreyfuss movie when...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He like sees aliens and he's making his mashed potatoes. Third encounters, whatever? Yeaah. Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. Close. Close encounters of the third kind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me give you a great list. Every Richard Dreyfuss movie. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna go out on a limb here. He's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, the shark's dead, all danger is gone. It's like, how do we end this thing? We gotta wrap it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Kyle, I don't know if you recall this, but back in high school, I was doing a student film for drama class that Teddy was in and we were in the back of this dude's pickup truck and it was like kind of a horror movie or whatever and we had to skirt out and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see in the shot, the truck gets on two wheels. If that shit would have flipped, we were in the bed of the truck. We would have died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we would've straight up, uh, died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they, do they still have, uh, cause like when you would get your, uh, your permit, right? And then you would get your license and you couldn't drive with anybody in your car except like your mom or dad, right? That's when you have your permit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The movie theater, if you're working the popcorn machine, you're walking home with some zits. And I'm talking like, it's not the deep zit, it's like just the puss zit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, my, my zits were right where like my mustache ends right now. Should've been, right. Corner, corner of the mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, cause I was about to say, what did that do to your hickey game, bro? Oh yea, like a girl who just sucked the puss out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so you, so you guys, yea, you guys didn't have a hickey bro at the school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, now that I think about it, I definitely have, like, all my, like, high school girlfriend love letters. I should crack those open. They are, they're heavy as fuck, too. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. That's what I was about to say. It all gets boiled down to a Popozow lifestyle, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, do you remember how hard we, like, just bro-ed down with the cast at MTV's Teen Wolf? Like, it was like, any time we would cross paths, it would be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that whole layer, but the whole thing was like every year it was on the roof of the Hard Rock, uh, San Diego Hotel, and they have a pool there, but they would cover it with like a sheet and light it up Entertainment Weekly, and I'm like, yeaah, I'm gonna jump on it and swim, and the kind of thing that wraps up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As fun as I had at those parties and I would never take any of it back, it's like, if I would have been 30% more sober, we could have been connecting with some of the coolest people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember, uh, there was like a Harry Potter panel where someone stabbed someone in the eye with a pencil. Yeaah, I remember that. But our whole thing was our fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please be careful, I have a feeling that's just going to explode in your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, that would, that'd be hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, I love em all, uh, I will compliment my buddy Kyle who-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Durr still needs to apologize before we leave. For what? I don't know, you haven't done your apology yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I had take backs. Yeah, there you go. There you go. He has spoken. And guys? What? Guys? What's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think it's more of a pre still or more of an after celebration thing now? What is the let's go? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what I'm saying is they get the, they say it after they get the tokyo time. Before or after. You could get toketos at a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well you were on the fucking prom court, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never did either of that. Never washed them, never put them in the freezer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you talking about when you were a toddler? No dog. Kyle, what you just did is you named a brand everyone knows. And then you named another brand that no one's ever heard of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although, your jeans back- your jeans back in the day? What'd they say on the fly? What? What did your jeans say? What'd they say, Adam? Oh, J-Jabon? No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is the movie where like a rat goes through like some sort of like thing and it comes out the other side all like crazy and mangled with like a white eyeball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did she have like, uh, gloves on and stuff, or did she use like forceps?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, this is going somewhere that makes me uncomfortable, but answer him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Did she make the mouth, did she make the mouth of your penis talk? She did not. She didn't play any games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None of the top of a hot water bottle is kind of, um, long, I guess you could say. So you could just put that on there filled with water and then do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slide into Blake's DMs if you ever used it for that. Okay, so. Giving yourself a rubber munging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Land seed. A man seed record. Man seed record. Give it to him, Blakey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does your dick look like a sick dog, kinda laying there like, taking deep breaths and like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the actor from Breaking Bad, like the DEA guy. How crazy is that? Oh, the bald dude? Dean Norris? Yeah, Dean Norris. I watched it recently and then his voice, his voice cut through cause I was like, I know that voice. And then I looked at him for a second and was like, holy shit, that's homeboy. Never knew cause the face is all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was a little, it was like out of, it was out of nowhere because I had forgotten and then I was pumped for you man. This is great, this is great news. Yeah, this is really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, there's a weird, I mean I guess that's probably changing now, but I do remember like when you're an assistant in Hollywood or whatever, and I guess more industries, like you listen in on all the phone calls. Like you're listening just so you can hear like if something's getting set up or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. There would have been an antler in your heart of hearts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but like, the way he handled it, I was like, okay, this dude's chucking cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but Adam, what you're ta- what- what we were talking about is what animals you could beat in a fight, and now you're saying like, well these animals aren't- won't fight you. But like, if you were in a fight with one of them, cause like you could have a bear that also- Doesn't wanna fight. Is around people a lot and isn't gonna eat you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rejuvenate it. You spray it on your tongue. You spray it on your tongue. Oh. What happens if you spray it on Kyle's cock? If you break off an antler, like it has something in it that can rejuvenate, like regrow really quickly. So like when you break stuff down in your body, like muscle, I'm guessing that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's part of the challenge. The part of the challenge is fighting it to a death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's keep, uh, let's keep tapping in. And Kyle, I'm, I'm sure I'm next buddy. Oh, right. I'm sure, I'm sure of it. You gave him the strength.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, kind of, we'll figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is pretty cool. I got my first one, uh, in Oregon. I was at some lake in the middle of nowhere. Your first one? Yea, it's like for the podcast. Somebody, my first, hey man, the podcast is great, yes, as opposed to like, yo Workaholics, oh and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but I'm just saying like they, like the time gap used to be like 20 years, and then slowly after they just ran through shit, they were like, alright, it's been six years it's thrown on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How would they make a real bear do that? I'm like, this is what we used to have to do. Like some crazy guy would train real bears named Bart that was in like every bear movie and like wrestle this bear and put on John Candy's costume and like fight a real bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think I remember the cover being like a shitty cover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the end shot, where they all come out from the trees where they were hiding, those were real, but the one in the kitchen was a costume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam is saying he loves people being called king and queen. And I'm like, you know what? I don't need that. I don't need somebody calling me king and queen. Cause it clearly is like some sort of like support system thing where it's like, I'm gonna put you on. And I'm saying, I don't need to be called a king to make myself feel like I'm worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I gotta say? It's been a, it's Olympic week and people are in the pool, they're breaking records, they're winning, they're losing, people's dreams are coming true, their hearts are breaking. There's been a lot of, I'm gonna grab the person I just beat's hand next to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm gonna hold it up like they're a champion too. And I'm cool with it, someone did it like really early on and now it just kept happening and I'm like, what? Why does everyone keep holding everyone's hand up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lil Peep, I listened to him right after he passed, I'd never really listened to him, but that one album he had, uh, before he died was sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quick story, quick story. In college, uh, a buddy of mine was visiting from his school with his like wild ass friends that were like crazy. Uhm, yes. And we all went out, we had a good time, they were being insane and we got home and he put his like boot up and we could see like in the groove of his Timberland


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had this like, um, like B yellow jacket stripe pill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like stuck in his boot. Score. We were like, yo, what is that? And he pulled it out. He goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this is my friend's homie and like he rolled up to college with him and he rolled out with us to a bar back home, different time. Huge fight. The people working at the bar that like we know, he like bit the dude's face. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and like, people were like banned for life, it was not a good thing, and we were like, yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Comic Con, several years ago, Rami Malek came over to our table at a restaurant with Christian Slater to be like, yo, like, I watch your guys show, workaholics, like, love it, and he's like a younger dude, so we're like, for sure, you're right in our demo, man, like, what are you doing here? He was talking about the robot show, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Agent par- agency party or one of those, I don't know, some thing, uh, at some big restaurant and I see him and I go-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah. And I go, what? And he goes, I think maybe you met my twin? And I go, oh yea? And I was like, oh yea, I met your twin? That's what happened? I met your twin? I met your fucking twin somewhere? Wait, what? And he goes, yea, and then he points across the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's Egyptian, right? I haven't gone to Egypt. There's not that many Egyptian people in our media here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're surrounded by Egyptians now? That's how I roll, dog. I didn't know that. Okay, wow. Is he Egyptian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, that's cool. All I know is that the, we have the big T-Rex named Sue. I think that's our claim to fame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so you, so things for you are based on monetary value alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone just put in our chat, Persian rugs can be up to $30,000. They can be up to 150, I guarantee you. Some of the size of these rugs where you're like, whose living room is 60 by 40?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cool, it is cool, like if it, like these things had a life before you, but like, get me in that rug business dude, where like when people die you just roll through to the estate sale and scoop up some rugs and resell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, you know what, I'm sorry I went so hard at the people raising each other's hands, like, do your thing. I know that we're in the do your thing era, so I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's automatic for those dudes. They automatically go right into the fists like boxer photo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my dad would always come in and say that. Eggs and bakey?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She would just go to my stereo, turn on the classical station, crank it, and leave the room. That's tight. And I would go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it was brutal, cranked, not like pleasant, like super loud to be like, get the fuck up out of your bed and turn it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But tell me, tell me y'all got the box with the cream flavors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, with the banana and the peach? So banana was garbage, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blueberry was good. Peach off the chain. Blueberry off the chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you were like, was he affiliated? Like did you write for the newspaper? Did you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then you have like a messenger bag with how many, I mean how do you, break this down because where I grew up, men driving cars threw the newspaper out at the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so this was during the weekend, not the week?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if that is a good play on words. What does that even mean? It takes a champ to stay in line? I think it thinks it's a play on words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is gleaming the cube rollerblading? Or is gleaming the cube BMS?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let's zero in here for a second. So let's zero in on baseball movies, period. What are, what are the top? Field of Dreams. Off the hook. Baseball movies. Field of Dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Angels. But hold on, but like is Angels in the outfield? Uh, Major League 2. For sure. Major League 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the number one? What's the best baseball movie? Major League? Rookie of the Year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little, little big league. There's one, I'm just, I'm putting it in. I never got into Bull Durham, and then I watched it again, and I didn't get into it again. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I do know who everybody is. Right, we know who staff is now. Like Adam, you're definitely the catcher, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, are you the new- are you the new kid with the long hat, Blake, who like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think that's why they cast him though, cause they were like, oh, this guy looks scary, there's no way these kids will connect to him. He'll scare the kids, uh, this is where Disney, we have to scare them up top. I do wish it was like Gilbert Gottfried, originally, who was like, don't touch my baseball!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how long, why do you think they've been together for a long time? Yeah, I thought it was in relatively new relationship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you don't know. I mean, you gotta remember, it's a time thing. I think he, like, I think he worked a lot. I think he was, I think he worked a lot. I think he was always at work. This is the 50s, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kid didn't have interest in it either, because at the end, isn't he like, you like baseball, right? No, he loves baseball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he like baseball at the beginning of the movie or does he just go to the backyard and see these kids playing baseball and is like, all right, I got to jump in. Yeah, I think that's what it is, an attempt to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even get why it was a big deal. She was like, I was the one who played baseball. I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Because dude, he- Why didn't you just tell him? Sorry for flipping to that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, remember when we thought we, I think it was season one Morgaholics, we thought we were going to create something, or we did create something for the show where it was like a fleshlight that goes into your iPad and then you watch movies that kind of like, the picture of the iPad shows what you should be fucking right. You watch the POV porno. But then we went online, we went online and it existed already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, where are your, we are your woes, and you've been running through the six without us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about a woadie? I'm not woanin' into that trap, okay? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's the temperature there? Cause it gets cold as fuck in Chicago. It's got the lake effect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it sounds gross. Is that not a pierogi or a pasty or whatever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're known for obviously like pancakes and waffles, but they had like this fucking crazy chili menu. And I hadn't been there in years. They did? And I was meeting somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get in there, I look at, they have up on the wall, they have these like, uhm, these plates that have like the names of the chilies up on them and with like descriptions and I'm like savoring it. The waitress comes over, she's like, hey, what's up? You been here before? I'm like, it's been years. I'm ready to get some XYZ chili or whatever it was. And she goes, we don't have chili.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, what? She goes, we don't have chili, we haven't had it for a few years. And I was like, do you have all the plates up? And she goes, we kept the plates up. And I'm like, but so why? Why keep the plates up? Cause the guy who like made all the chili died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's actually great. Meet maestro. My mom calls him that, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we're good in their time. Jokes that everyone fucking loved for 10 years, but now you're like, can we move on? Right. It was like, uh, it was just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still send some whiteboard candidates to, uh, our old showrunner Kevin Etton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just when you're like, you keep hearing shit and you're like, oh okay, so everyone says, cool, cool, cool, now. You're like, done. Whiteboard. If you write that in a script, it's like, you're, you just couldn't come up with anything on your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, that's, it's fine, but if you're a writer and you're getting paid to like create shit, I feel like you should at least expect a little bit more of yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do think it is funny to see, like, an animal flying through the sky. Like, what is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. Oh, this? My smoothest friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Duh, like what the fuck. It was the person who loved to debate, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna argue, let's get dinner, but, uh, you could say it. Anyway. It's all good. Oncan noodles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Kyle's going to be beating his fucking me with the Oculus Rift all night and we had to throw a whole stick in the spokes. Yup. And yes sir. Flipped you right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys don't get to hear this, but before every podcast, Blake, uh, he's got a clipboard, he gives his little pep talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we there? Is it time for take backs and apologies? I think we're, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or was it an epic slam? Were you trying to make us feel stupid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. If you don't play the soundboard in a dream, you better wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's a D-DH. I think he does. I think he does. I think he does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say, just to piggyback on what Kyle's saying, except to say that it goes without saying, I enjoy my time here. If I ever say it out loud, you guys know that I'm probably over it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's, you know, it's great. He's right though. Cause my mom called me, my mom called me today. She goes, I love you. Psych. And then hung up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, before we made a full decision.


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[Assistant] I believe last episode you were saying that I'm the best liar. Ders is the best liar because you actually believe him when he says stuff. I'm a trickster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember playing with my family as a child, like my extended family, and I was like, oh, a lot of my family is really stupid. Because I was crushing at Boulderdash and everyone else, I'm like, no, you, I don't, I can


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's too much or too low? Too much. Kyle, I lived with you for...


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[Assistant] Technical books? Are we talking books that we own? Cause I, I have shelves that are full of books that I don't- Oh yeah, my book collection is poor. I don't read all kinds of Ray Bradbury shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, do you- are- do you think you're dyslexic or something, Ders? Is that what you are? I know I am, for sure.


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[Assistant] So your teachers, also your teachers kinda suck cause they didn't like hold your feet to the fire. Well what do you think I got?


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[Assistant] Thank you. It is amazing that we have all become...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all have become writers because usually- Titans of industry. Usually, all become Titans of industry. And usually it's great readers become great writers because you're supposed to- and good actors watch everything that they can get their eyes on. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] They just practiced. They put in the hours. They're outliers, man. They've been fuckin'.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's so crazy to see someone that's, like, great at school. Uh, like, Chloe is just so fucking good at school. Just, like, crushed school. Like, never got to be in her life, went to Columbia, fucking aced at Columbia, just is a- and it's like you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I have a book with every script printed out. A giant, uh, notebook. And, uh, she read the entire- I'm reading a script for this movie that I'm about to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on page 60 when she was done with seven scripts.


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[Assistant] She read seven scripts by the time I read like sixty pages.


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[Assistant] If you wanted to just take a second and take the headphones off, put the microphone down, and then just walk over to the thing, click it on.


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[Assistant] I want that icky. Dude, I don't know if I'm buying it. I think, I think what you're doing is you're trying to build hype using the podcast. You're building a little hype for the movie. You're being like, dude it was so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I don't think Jack or Jillian are in the second one. I didn't see the second one. Ghost pimples.


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[Assistant] It's, it's pretty, yeaah, it's good. It's for kids, but it's like, it's fun. Fun movie.


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[Assistant] I bet, I bet it's great. Can you tell me more about it, Adam? I can't remember. Like I said, I know I saw it, but I can't, I, uh, Snapchat memory, I don't remember it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Jack Black plays R.L. Stine and he like has, there's something in his desk that can open the portal and let all the monsters out into the town. And, oh man, you gotta tune in.


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[Assistant] Oh, I have like a big ass TV at the end of this bed.


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[Assistant] In and out of my, my morphine sleep. You use the books to like, prop your legs up. You're like, these are great. I'm like, absolutely quit giving me these books. I like, had to tell my mom, cause she's like, what should people give you the gifts? Well, we're getting a lot of these books. I'm like, yeah, knock it off with the books. Like, snacks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's, that like, little kid scary shit. I don't even really love horror movies, it just doesn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember my mom, uh, the book fair was coming. I'm like, oh snap, I made a little list of all these cool books that I wanted. They were usually about like little boys lost in the woods and they had to fend for themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is one of the sixteen. And I like made a fuckin' cool little list, and I'm like, oh hell yea, I'll get some, get Hatchet, get other books that I don't remember right now, and- Where the Red Fern Grows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Outsiders was sick, but I made a list and my mom was like, nah. And I'm like, what do you mean? And she goes, it's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was like, this, it costs too much, just go to the library, and I'm like, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna buy these books. She's like, and then she goes like, where are we gonna put em?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then other generations aren't gonna know what the hell Calvin and Hobbs is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they, the agents called and they're like, hey, uhm, it looks like you're gonna get an offer for Clifford the Big Red Dog. And I was like, fuck that, I don't wanna do Clifford the Big Red Dog, like, but they were gonna pay me a lot of money to do it, and I'm like, well maybe.


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[Assistant] And I'm like, I don't know, I really don't wanna do it. I was like, that seems cheesy, I don't really wanna fuck with it. And then, uh, they didn't give it to me. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was pretty salty. I remember talking to my agents, I'm like, so there's no offer then for Clifford?


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[Assistant] Shout out. Uh, I, there was like, remember that little like job business center that they had? Oh, the career center? Yea, little career center where they just had little flyers for random gigs. One was to be the scholastic book


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A nice 58 year old woman. Nineteen you say? I'm listening. Nineteen you say? And would go to these elementary schools and it was, you're the fucking king. You walk in with all these books and people lose their minds. It was awesome. What's up? You guys like books? Yea, I got them. What's up? I'm the fucking king.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And on a, a runaway hot air balloon and they couldn't, they, they like, they was just gonna float away into the atmosphere and they just kept fucking, uh, to their death. And then the other story was, oh, they're on a jet ski and they decide to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, there was, well you're not gonna be a porno, you fucking idiot, you'd be a porno star. No, you're a star, a porno star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, well that was back, I mean, I don't know what they're like now. How long are these stories?


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[Assistant] And then cast it and make a certain producing porno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what we could do is we could produce Workaholics, Workaholics the porno.


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[Assistant] He's read upwards of 50 bucks. He read Hatchet. I was hoping, uh, He read Hatchet. It was me and Edie, uh, Patterson from Righteous, Righteous Gemstones, and we were just raffin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, honestly, Spielberg, that'd be so dope, obviously, but I wanted John Lithgow to be like, you're the next Lord Farquaad.


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[Assistant] Farley's supposed to be Shrek and then he died and then they had to replace him with Michael Myers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oooooh. Donkey, release it. He wouldn't sound like that. He wouldn't, yea, they were already like, recording it. That's crazy. Donkey! Much like, they're gonna say the same thing about Ferdinand the Bull with John Cena. Yes.


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[Assistant] He was like, I like tried to, he wasn't talking to Spielberg, Spielberg had gone on stage and then I, it was just us back there with Lithgow and I'm like, I was like trying to say something to him and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, I'm gonna disagree with the community and I don't like doing that.


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[Assistant] I like respecting the community as much as I can, but- Don't do it, dude. Uh, no, cause I watched that movie not too long ago, cause I was like, we should do an R rated version, or someone should do an R rated, sort of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, tell that to lethal fuckin' weapon, homie. Woah, he did it.


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[Assistant] Well, it's also, yeah, definitely just the main actors, but... The next movie that we all do together, we have to promise each other that there's gonna be a lot of saxophone. Can we say that? Can we say that? Can we all agree?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Repeat, repeat, repeat. That one came on in the car the other day and I was like, something happened to me and I'm like, oh, who the fuck, and then I looked and I'm like, better than Ezra? My god. Uh, cause me and Kyle's, we kept saying that if we were to ever start a band, it'd be called Better Than Aerosmith. Aerosmith. Yep.


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[Assistant] I think I sing, Kyle, uh, is in place of all the instruments.


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[Assistant] For the album he plays all the instruments, but we'll probably bring a few other people in for our live shows.


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[Assistant] Well that's cool too. Spider webs. I would support that. I'm just a girl, spider webs. No doubt, it was something about that time, No Doubt was saying spider webs a lot, and Blink 182 was saying, SPIDERS. All the spiders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no, I take it back, Cheshire Cat came out in 95 and that album rocks. That's a cut though, that's a cut though. Yeah, yeah, that's a deep cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it was 95. And then I think the dammit came out like the very next year. Well why were you saying dammit came out in 94?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, Ska and Ponk are brother-sister.


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[Assistant] Wait, to be fair, they're all music, right? Let's listen to Blake. Blake is our in-house music savant. Yeah, they're all music.


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[Assistant] I think no doubt, my guess would be 96, Tragic King. I think it's 98. Oh, what is, what is your guess?


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[Assistant] It was released on October 10th 1995 so the end of October.


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[Assistant] He's in the third Pitch Perfect, and I think you know that, dude. Why does it say that he's in the first? It doesn't, if you go to his IMDB page. No it doesn't, I'm looking at it. Look in 2012. When you made the movie. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about? I don't know dude, I googled it. In 2017, Kyle. Yes? Slow it down. Okay. In 2017. And how many years has that happened? No doubt, drop in the hole.


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[Assistant] VJ. I'm excited to see that movie. Sean Baker's the fucking shit. Can we talk about his body for a while? No.


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[Assistant] And the intimacy coordinator, cause now- Oh my god, let's talk- The intimacy coordinator on set, uh, for the community, I'll explain it. It's, uh, it's some person that has to, like, come to you and be like- It makes you feel uncomfortable being like, are you okay with this? You could tell me. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. If it makes it way harder- What are you willing to show or not show?


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[Assistant] That's the end of the story, is this woman keeps hitting me up and she keeps texting me, being like, are you okay? I really need an answer. And I keep texting her, I'm only willing to show my butthole, no other body parts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, but that is the only part I'm willing to show on this show, so I'm hoping that they can clear that. The anus. The actual butthole.


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[Assistant] Harry and the Hendersons. That's your favorite.


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[Assistant] Here we go. So, uh, guys and gals listening out there, uh, don't upgrade to Big Sur.


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[Assistant] Don't upgrade to Big Sur if you got a podcast, cause it ain't gonna work with your Focusrite equipment, which is top notch equipment, uh, that we use every week, week in, week out. But it ain't work today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goodbye. I just remember driving through it and feeling like the world was on a tilt because it's like, it's just like a big mountain that just goes into the ocean, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thatch. You get super drained driving that drive too. Cause you have to be alert the entire time or you'll drive. But guess what?


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[Assistant] Do you ever watch those datelines where they like, it's like a dateline missing persons?


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[Assistant] And they keep trying to be like mysterious about somebody who just


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[Assistant] Walk, they said they were going for a walk and they never came back. What happened? It's like, they killed themselves.


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[Assistant] Deadline is, they're sad all the way to the fucking bank.


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[Assistant] We're going from comedy genius to comedy genius and just, uh, and by the way, is it like an origin story for Colonel Sanders?


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[Assistant] Yeah, like TV shows about just Pace Pekani salsa. You will get more. Yeah, please.


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[Assistant] Please! Or like, it always ends with a New York City line?


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[Assistant] Adam is saying Collabo, we're just talking about products, the show, right? Like you're saying, somebody said Sex and the City and Mr. Peanut, but it wouldn't be Sex and the City and Peanut, it would just be Mr. Peanut, the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? It would be Valvoline the sitcom.


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[Assistant] Every night, Adam would go to drink beers and write more stuff for the episodes and I would just go crawl under a comforter in my hotel room and record different lines for Baby Not to Say.


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[Assistant] Told our manager, I go, hey, let them know the next time they call there needs to be more money put in my bank and then I will continue.


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[Assistant] Fuckin' floundering. You gotta go, oh, this is gonna be bad, I should get paid.


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[Assistant] It's gonna start to be a big power play, I think. Like, I do think this will stay around. Where like, if you're a big actor or writer or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you don't really want to go across town to meet some executives. He'll be like, let's zoom. Or if you're a big time executive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're talking with some like nobody actor or writer. You'll just be like, why don't we zoom? But then there's going to be that weird middle where it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is that you will be like,


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[Assistant] Hey, uh, I'd gladly come to Santa Monica and see you and they'll go, I think we could do this over Zoom and you will know where you stand.


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[Assistant] I would say I'm a border, line border. Okay. I come and go because sometimes I just feel like you're asleep with the wheel and someone's gonna get hurt.


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[Assistant] This, like the city of Los Angeles, do you like it?


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[Assistant] They freeze their fucking asses off and sit inside during like coronavirus times and they're miserable. Whereas I'm out, I'm like out fucking hiking and shit. And they're like, sounds awesome. And I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, to be fair, there's no corona down there, right? That is true.


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[Assistant] But I know what you mean. L.A.'s got some rough aspects about it, but I fuckin' dig it. At the end of the day.


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[Assistant] Have you been in a bar? When's the last time you've been in a bar though?


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[Assistant] Right. And did you have one of those things under your pants wrapped around your thigh with like the spikes and you would pull that?


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[Assistant] Kids will be watching videos, they're like, Hi, it's a kids show, da da da. And then all of a sudden this character called Momo would be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck, this is scary as fuck. But that was real, Slender Man was real. You saw Momo, are you just looking at it?


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[Assistant] I'm sorry, nobody, let's get this straight. Nobody at Pornhub is interested in underage pornography.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was like 16 or 15 and then they had to like...


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[Assistant] So it's been happening. But this is a mass scale.


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[Assistant] But that's not that, hang on, that's not, that's not because they were all child porno, they're basically saying we can't confirm or confirm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. And now your video Vixens, your big box Vixen video. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bunch of like college age kids that are like, it's their side job kind of thing where it's like, yeah, man, it's pretty sick. You just bring snacks and you just click porn or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big Sur. I had to plug into my iPad, which is now at 4% battery, and I don't know how deep we are in the podcast right now.


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[Assistant] Yep, Steve Jobs. Come back from the fucking grave already, pal. We need you. Give us another port. He gotcha again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, so anyway, I'll let you guys know when- or I'll just disappear, I guess, at some point. Anyway. Yeah, you'll just disappear.


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[Assistant] But if they come on now, I'm like, this fucking band is good. And they were doing weird shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were heavy on bass lines is I think what Adam is picking up on here.


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[Assistant] Primus seemed a little angrier, a little less accessible, a little more metal, a little more speedy. These dudes were just more alt rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is I was mostly listening to hip hop then. Didn't, kinda skipped most of alternative rock. I think I was listening to like Soundgarden. Uh, mostly Soundgarden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, like, recently, in the last five years, whenever cake comes on, I'm like, oh yeah, from fucking MTV, when I would just be watching videos, and you can kind of pick up everything that's going on. And I'm like, I'm not turning the station.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lithium, I believe it's named after Nirvana's song, but it's, uh, it's the 90s alternative rock station on SiriusXM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure. Or just like a belly busters hat that says lithium across it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about, uh, but I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My internet's chunking right now. It's, it's just chunking like a mo. Oh, I love that. And what's chunking, man? Like, did you hear that or is it chunking too hard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. What catchphrases do you have? Should we talk about? Yea. What catchphrases are you...


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[Assistant] Uh, Kyle, you're chunking. I know, I'm- You're chunking a lot, Kyle, but uh- I'm gonna be chunking this whole app. Sorry about that. Okay, you're s-


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[Assistant] Oh, I, I filled my fridge with them. There you go. Uhm, because it was like I needed, I felt like I needed to drink a beer, but, uh. Yeah. But then when you're like. I love that visual. Yeah, but then when you really. I filled my entire refrigerator with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you could also just have a LaCroix, you know, or like something else with bubbles in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How am I doing guys? I moved, I moved a little closer to the router. Am I still chunking or what's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I mean, I don't, I don't mind it. I don't, you know, it doesn't bother me. It's just as an entertainer, it feels a little one note. You know what I mean? It feels like, I feel like I don't want it to become predictable. I would hate for our podcast to be like, you know, I've heard that episode before, so I think it's good to switch it up. I think that's just good from an entertainment standpoint, bruh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know if she did. I don't know if she did anything else except for that show.


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[Assistant] I'm sure Desi Arnaz had a fucking radio show or something like that that she was on. Desi Arnaz was a major player. He bought RKO Studios after the Orson Welles era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I think it was a different time and Desi was kind of the guy making the deals.


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[Assistant] Whoa. Let's get out of this one. Wait, but did you see that just came in? Patty Duke is Sean Astin's mom and you look like Sean Astin, so what is going on there, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you guys think you're younger than you are. No. No, dude. Get the fuck outta here. No, that woman is... How old is Gina Davis now? Look it up. Because I think you guys... Oh, she's for sure. I'm gonna say she's 53. No way! No. I'm gonna say...


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[Assistant] It's an Oedipus complex, everybody here got that. No? Ohhh.


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[Assistant] It has to be both. It's not just fuck your mom, that's just kink shaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I didn't mean that we all had it. I was just relating it to us in like, uh, a way, uh, but we don't. None of us have that. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kind of not true, but what's up?


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[Assistant] I'm getting more so, I'm more so getting there now. Like I just watched Citizen Kane a year ago for the first time. I had never seen that before.


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[Assistant] Because I wasn't interested in studying it, I was more interested in making the films, you know what I mean? And just the craft of doing it. But yea, you're right. Kyle, is that your argument? That you're like, I don't watch movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, I'll do that when it comes to actors and actresses. Like, I'll definitely be like, oh right, I remember him or I remember her, but not when it comes to movies and plots.


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[Assistant] I haven't seen that one in a while. Right. I can breeze past like an actor and an actress and just be like, yeah, or like this actor or this actress. Like you can kind of do that, but if- Or someone that I know. Right. Exactly. Or one of my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well, yeah, I think, uh, my, my, one of my top influential films is The Wrestler. The Wrestler, very nice. Okay, tight, yep, sick movie. That's, that's up there. Is what? What did you say? I'm an old piece of meat. The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke. Oh yeah, you love The Wrestler. Aronofsky, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? Uh, and I also love the big, the Big Lebowski.


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[Assistant] People obsess over it, you're right. There's Lebowski Fest, there's, there's all that stuff. Lebowski.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I saw The Big Lebowski right when I was making like stuff with my friends and I watched it and I was like, what? That felt like the most natural film I've ever seen in my life. Like the performances had to have been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is a testament to fantastic writing and a testament to the fucking best performances I've ever seen. Like all those guys made that shit feel right there in the moment. Very casual and just so sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The toe. Exactly, like how do you get that? I mean, that's just, that's just good performances, man. That's like PTA level performances where it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would actually go to, I think I would actually go talk about Paul Thomas Anderson and talk about either Boogie Nights. I think I gotta talk about Boogie Nights because that's like just fucking so good. Again, great performances, great shots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great story. Julianne Moore? Great tone. Uhm, it's like, you know, funny at times and fucking really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, that's the, that's his best performance of all time, right? I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Huckabee's was good as well, uh, for sure. Welcome to my dojo, I mean. Who, what's that guy's name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was gonna say wha- oh. He's peeking. So you don't like the latter half of that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a major cautionary tale. You should probably spend the next 10 years of your life just watching the second half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta rewatch that. I didn't realize you cried. How did you cry? Because you don't cry that often. How did you do that? Yeah, what did you do?


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[Assistant] I thought we weren't doing that today. I thought we weren't cutting each other. I thought we were kinda, you know, just- Yeaah. That's not a cut, that's not a- What? No, we're not picking on you. Shut the fuck up, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what's fun about this? Uh, your work, like working. Like that role s- Yeah, well working's cool, but if you just have to pick your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. Yeah, I definitely think if you took a turn into your fucking insanity, that would be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think you could turn into your insanity really well. And it would, it would be like not in a comedic way, but in a very dark way. It would be awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Adam could cro- I think it would work. Yeaah, I think it would work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What roles are we talking here? What movies? I mean we can talk about PTA's movie Punch Drunk Love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Uncut Gems? That movie fucking rocked. I'm gonna go to Uncut Gems next, but like, you think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, even, I said two and you know what they are, and so like he did a great job. And people accepted him as that. Nobody accepted him as that.


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[Assistant] No, you can, but he just is like a homie and I'm like, I back him up so I feel like I'm-


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[Assistant] No, I just think that like you are contradicting yourself in saying that he was good in, in uncut gems, therefore your initial statement was a little bit kind of...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I think you're being a hater. Yeah, I think you're sipping a big glass of haterade.


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[Assistant] It's cool though. That's our opinion. About your opinion.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I do love watching people put themselves out there. And I guess I do give them a tremendous amount of credit for even just stepping out of their lane in general. So like, because I think that that takes guts and takes like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just takes, it's a tough thing to do, so I, maybe I am giving people more credit than just the role at face value, or even stepping outside of their lane and taking the risk as a performer, because that takes guts, you know what I mean? It's cool, I like that.


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[Assistant] That's cool. That's just a character actor that's trained and goes in wherever he feels like he's talented.


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[Assistant] Thank you. I would also like to apologize for the chunky wifi at the beginning. I know that all the aruguloids out there missed me for those five minutes. Uh, I don't know what was said. I don't know what was going on, but I was happy to be happy to be back.


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[Assistant] I did want to talk to you about that, Blake. I was bummed I couldn't talk to you about your freaking NA, man.


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[Assistant] Drinks a case a night. Can I compliment Blake for going for the December to remember going 30 days without booze is not an easy thing. So great job, buddy.


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[Assistant] Yes, I um, I OD'd on Quaaludes when I was two.


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[Assistant] Ready to swing on her. Being like, yeaah?


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[Assistant] What's it to ya, lady? And she goes, oh, I'll erase the ticket.


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[Assistant] They always say they can't undo it. They're like, they hit their little machine and they're like, oh, I've already printed it. I can't unprint it. And you're like, well, they've already printed it. I guess they can't unprint it. So now we know that they've been lying to us forever. Unless we've recently gotten some new tech that now they can undo it.


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[Assistant] Why did she undo it? I have no idea. She was just like, yeah, I was wondering if, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, oh, it is the symptom. It's cause the quotas, the quotas. Have you guys ever, uh, gotten out of a ticket or gotten in more of a ticket, if that makes sense?


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[Assistant] They call that a California roll. Yeaah, we called it a California roll too, in uh, Nebraska. And we were like, yeaah, in California they don't know how to FUCKING DRIVE!


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[Assistant] Why do they call it a California roll? And then I'm like, well, we were doing it there though.


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[Assistant] You know what? I know they eat babies. Yeah, I know, they're dead to me.


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[Assistant] It's the, it's the most easily, it's what you ease into sushi with as a California roll. And it's also what you ease into reckless driving with. Maybe that's why it's a gateway. The California roll is a gateway, uh, drug?


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[Assistant] Hollywood, baby. Okay, Hollywood's dead. Hollywood.


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[Assistant] I feel like it- Yeah, I thought it was a Kyle.


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[Assistant] Well no, it's not, it's not you. You're not a Kyle. I say you're not a Kyle. Like your parents misnamed you. I thought we settled on Chad. I thought we settled on Chad by the way. Hey, Chad's a good one.


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[Assistant] I've gotta, I'm gonna score some of those. I've been on the prowl actually, but yes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you might get your ass kicked, dude. Yeah, wear your big boots, bro. Wear your big boots.


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[Assistant] I get stuck in a tree. Yeah, when was the last time you've ever like gotten in a real fight?


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[Assistant] No, I, uh, to me, like, it was like truly, like, fourth grade. Like, the last time I truly was swinging on someone.


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[Assistant] No, that, no, you're my homie. That was the rage of a Kyle. I climbed him like a tree and held on, held on to him. That wasn't a real fight. I wouldn't climb a man that I'm actually fighting and koala clutch him.


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[Assistant] Well thinking, sure, I thought. Whenever I, like they say, at this gym that I go to, the trainer is always like, okay, so what do you want to look like?


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[Assistant] Uh, every like three months or something, he'll ask you, be like, what's your ideal body type? And I always show him photos of CrossFit women.


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[Assistant] Because that's exactly what I'm trying to look like. The CrossFit dudes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I do have a dude. I do have a dude because those CrossFit dudes, they're too jacked, bro. They're too huge. They're too thick. They're too meaty. I want, I want a lean, long, slender, shredded up CrossFit chick body. Well, you want CrossFit.


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[Assistant] Picture of a really fit woman. Really fit woman, not too big.


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[Assistant] Got that, that lean muscle, that, that lean physique, that's what I'm trying to get. A six pack. But, that, that being said, last night I did eat, uh, raisin canes, so. Oooooh. Oh baby. You know, I say that, but then I also eat raisin canes from time to time. Oooooh. I haven't had that in a minute, I love it.


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[Assistant] I stopped in Anaheim to get, I was driving home and I was like, I was like 30 minutes away from my house and I'm like...


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[Assistant] There, is there Raising Canes around here? And sure enough, Disney knows what's up, puts one right off campus, and I swooped in there, got, got myself six chicken tenders, some Texas toast, ooey gooey, please be a sponsor, Raising Canes, please be a sponsor. I will sponsor the shit out of you. How's the Texas toast, bro?


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[Assistant] The Texas toast and the french fries are phenomenal. It's fire. Yeah, that's why.


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[Assistant] Delicacy. Fast food. Evidently it was a LSU.


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[Assistant] Uhm, like master's student or something. He was getting his business degree and they have to write, uh.


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[Assistant] His thesis or whatever, I also didn't finish college, so I don't know what any of these words mean. Thesis? Sure. Main, his main thing. Yeah, senior, it's a senior project. And he wrote it about how he wanted to start a chicken tender restaurant that only served chicken tenders with good fries, good, uh,


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[Assistant] Texas toast. That's so fucking tight. And the, the, the guy, his professor was like, that's a stupid idea and he didn't


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[Assistant] He like failed that class, supposedly. That's like the folklore.


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[Assistant] And then, and then he goes, uh, off and starts it and god damn son.


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[Assistant] I know, that you think it's, it's much like In-N-Out, where it's like it doesn't have a lot of choices because they can just nail the one thing they do so well out the fucking park.


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[Assistant] And then it's bad. Yeaah, then it's bad. You gotta have a pro put it together.


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[Assistant] Have you guys seen the KFC, uh, only fried skin stands?


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[Assistant] That has to be illegal. Yea, you can't sell a bucket of skin. Oh my god. How high was he?


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[Assistant] Oh, I was like- Well, admittedly, the skin is so delicious. Who- who we kidding? The skin is great. It's awesome. It's the best part, but who-


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[Assistant] I will say, guys, we should start and, hey, I'm willing to pitch it to you now. We should be franchisees of Raisin Canes. I'm gonna look into it. We're buying a Raisin Canes.


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[Assistant] Yo, there's lamb chops? What are you, what are you talking about? Any type of animal is a meat. Any.


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[Assistant] I'm saying, well, it's got, I think that would be hard to get. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] All I'm saying is you gotta go to a Raising Canes before you shut this idea down. You're saying no to Raising Canes. Motherfucker, you haven't tried their


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[Assistant] This ain't Italy, brother. That's how you explain the most basic salad that you specifically like. We're talking- Didn't you hear it has spinach? Oh, it does have spinach and arugula like every other goddamn salad you've ever had.


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[Assistant] All I'm saying, Kyle, is get your- I've had it. I've had it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, because it wasn't, he had to drown out the disgusting salad with, uh, with whatever dressing.


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[Assistant] I'm Charles. A Raisin Canes. They're delicious. And me?


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[Assistant] Blake and Anders will franchise our own Raising Canes. And that's okay.


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[Assistant] We need to be involved in this business venture that we have all verbally agreed.


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[Assistant] And then we could say, you want that healthy shit? Take it outside.


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[Assistant] They're a Coca-Cola company. Coca-Cola products? Coca-Cola products, yea. I just had a delicious Coke Zero and that syrup hit just right. You know how every once in a while you'll get a fountain drink and just that syrup mix is ooey gooey and you're like god damn this is hitters. I had a


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[Assistant] Yeah, just Google it. Look at photos, look at videos, and you'll understand exactly what we mean by gist out.


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[Assistant] Well, no, because they're, Disney's, or sorry, uh, McDonald's whole thing is, is being very family friendly, forever. I mean, they're Ronald McDonald, they're the whole thing. Their last, uh,


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[Assistant] The person that they had a celebrity endorsement for was Michael Jordan.