[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Burn that paper. That paper's so gross.


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[Assistant] Well, because of you, your mom's house listeners, because of you, the genes that investigate on the interwebs, you have found the Try It Out Guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Therefore, we have found the Tried Out Guy. And, this is a YMH exclusive, we're getting him on the phone, right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At midnight, right? And then it makes, what time do you discover it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how does that work? So some guy goes, I'm a hot black guy. And then how does the exchange start?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know it, it's Robert Paul Champagne, is that correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it is, cause you said, I'll see you guys at Coney Island, um, performing, and I was wondering, so you perform karaoke for people? Is that what you're saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say, now is your opportunity, if you wanted to put it out there, why don't you tell our listeners what exactly it is you're looking for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how do you feel about drugs? Are you open to people using them or do you have a strict policy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You keep saying that phrase. Have you ever heard that phrase, ho, homie on out, homie on out?


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[Assistant] And I did find it interesting too that his perspective about men at a jail, I mean look, we've had a few guests of our own that have been in prison and jail and they're not these demons.


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[Assistant] But due to the magic of the mommies, this is because of you guys. This is because of your-


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[Assistant] And you know what I, what I realized this morning is that we haven't even come up with a name for him. Like, Terry is Uncle Terry. Yeah, yeah. Uhm, you know, we always had these names, like the Try It Out guy was so out there that we, we didn't even think of a name for that guy. It's outrageous.


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[Assistant] You know, and like I've, I've seen Tom Cruise in public. I've seen.


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[Assistant] The only other YMH celebrity that has refused to, to, to come on the show or even really acknowledge us is King Ass Ripper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terry is, yea, he's more accessible. King Ass Ripper is just a mystery and I feel like we'll never really know what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is such a special day for mommies. Such a special day.


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[Assistant] Mommy power. Guys, this just goes to show the mommy power out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to tell you, the level of excitement I felt this morning, we woke up at 6 this morning with our children, and that was the most exciting, is finding this guy's account, looking through his stuff. It was like Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird because you'll notice on his profile there's well lit photographs.


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[Assistant] A powerful episode. Uhm, you'll see in this episode, Mommy C freaks out because I grew up adoring Scott Thompson.


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[Assistant] Really great. And he, if you're in Los Angeles, he's performing his live show every Tuesday night at the Virgil, um, here in Los Feliz. So get tickets to that. I should plug it now before.


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[Assistant] Alright, here with us today, I'm so excited, is the fantastic Scott Thompson collab for him.


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[Assistant] And I just have to say, we've had so many celebrities come in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this is a very fabulous place. But uhm, I think everybody knows you from Kids in the Hall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my friends and I found you and it was like, it was just a miracle. Cause sketch comedy before then felt kinda lame. Like SNL, okay, you know, but you guys were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, so there's Kids in the Hall. Amazing. My mind is blown. All of a sudden, comedy can be cool and edgy and you guys are just, you're Canadians, so you're different and weird. And then there's Scott Thompson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's because look, I grew up in LA, I wasn't like a stranger to gay people or to cultural, whatever. But you were like...


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[Assistant] The courage that it took to come out. And not only that,


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[Assistant] As, as you said, a gay man of your age, cause you guys had it so much harder. You had to open all the doors now. Yes. That these boys can grow. No, and they have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not so keen on his butthole, but cum is like not my favorite.


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[Assistant] But I'm afraid of it because I'll tell you, it's very hairy, it's very hot. I've, I've grazed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm afraid. I'm honestly afraid. I'm afraid of poop on my fingers. I am. I'm not gonna lie. I'm afraid of all- Look, he takes nasty dumps too, Scott. You don't know. Of course he does!


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[Assistant] Okay, okay, okay. So you think I should put my mouth on his b-hole?


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[Assistant] Wait, let's talk. I never, I'm a square. Can I tell you why I'm a square? In part because of the AIDS epidemic and I went to college at the University of San Francisco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I have some professional questions to ask you. Comedy. Comedy. You keep referring to- You guys said it would be like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, now back to my technical question. You were referencing your show earlier and I just want to say one of my favorite lines that stuck in my head since I was 15 is when my friend Opal asked me to coach her lesbian softball team while she was away fighting in the golf, I said sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now Buddy was based on- He was based on a real- A lover.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and Buddy Cole, by today's standards, I think even back in the early 90s standards was very shocking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I agree. Kind of this SJW culture now is a remix of the 90s of when we did, we started political correctness when we started using words like European American, African American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there were retarded people, retarded people.


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[Assistant] Well Anne, you and I discussed this a minute before we started rolling, I feel like gay men and women, because we're marginalized, there's a certain...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, which the irony is, if you've done those rooms, you've done, I've done black rooms, latino rooms, whatever, AA rooms, they can take a joke. And they laugh the hardest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's one of the most interesting things. It's so interesting and it's kind of taken off the table now for stand up. It's considered, that is the, it's so taboo right now. It's so difficult. But Buddy, Buddy doesn't give a fuck.


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[Assistant] You know, you've had a pretty eventful life.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I've only, probably, I only know the tip, but.


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[Assistant] First of all, I just, I have to ask you this question, because I heard an interview you did a while back, and you


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[Assistant] Okay, kids in the hall chat, I have to do it. What's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? My favorite sketch was running faggot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so let's talk about the origins. For those of you who hadn't seen it, uh, could you describe running baggage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because the character solves all the world's problems. Like, hey, what should we do? Uh, these guys over here, we're in a war, should I go shoot them? And you're like, or you could go talk to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should be, if I am offended when guys make jokes against women or something, and they, remember who the fuck was it? And they're like, but you're a comedian before you're a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Someone can make a joke about, like we play that drop, stupid broad, women are stupid. I don't give a fuck, it's funny, it's stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. It is. I mean, and I will say podcasts like this, comedians like my husband, myself, and Joe Rogan, and Joey Diaz, were completely not social justice. But let me ask you one more question about kids in home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we used to live in Silver Lake. Yea, I do. I just love men. Yea. We lived in Silver Lake and uhm, we used to go to the bear gym. Bodybuilders. The bodybuilder gym. And those bears, they would just build a musk and then they would, you know, the fans are blowing. I do, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, are there still public places for gay men to hook up? You know, like bathhouses. Do they still do that stuff? Yes they do.


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[Assistant] Well let's talk, without question, let's talk about it's the height of kids in the hall, you're in the US, you guys are touring or whatever. Is that your peak time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you wear? Is it shorts? Are you thinking easy access? Like, do you have to dress? Cause you're like, some guy's gonna pull my pants down by the tree. You have to be strategic.


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[Assistant] No, no, you need some privacy.


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[Assistant] Oh, I know. I've been pregnant with two boys, and the first time I was pregnant, I go, it's a boy, I know it. And she goes, how do you know? Cause I feel angry, I feel like I'm gonna fucking fight somebody. And she goes, well, the testosterone, she goes, it makes sense, there's testosterone in your blood right now. That's how they detect the sex of the baby, they take your blood.


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[Assistant] It's everything. It is absolutely everything. It's.


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[Assistant] There wasn't any other trainers, there wasn't anyone to teach me, so I had to go out and learn and put together the ideas. Well done Seeker, go to present for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Deep Dink, for this gimme your attention instrumental.


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[Assistant] You can give it a shot. You can go to TomSegura.com slash tour. Uh, the next cities I'll be hitting up, uh, Louisville.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the 28th, you might be able to get tickets to that. The 29th is sold out. Pooeyville? That's right, Pooeyville. Indy and St. Louis Tits are sold out. Detroit is sold out on June 1st at the Fox. The Chicago Theater.


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[Assistant] Uh, June 2nd, the early show is sold out. There are still tickets to the late show in Chicago. That is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 2nd. So if you haven't gotten, that's my fourth Chicago theater show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 13th at the, uh, Carpenter Theater in Richmond, Virginia. And then, well, the tour just keeps on going. So I'm, I'm all over the place. Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas City on June 30th. And then I go to Appleton, Rockford, Peoria, Cedar Rapids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go to TomSkaer.com slash tour, check those all out. Of course, hitting Toronto, Winnipeg, Vancouver, Calgary, and uhm, heading over to Europe as well. So if you want to see me in Budapest, Berlin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are all on sale, uh, three of those are already sold out. So...


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[Assistant] It's working, it's getting there. It'll be, I think it'll be good by the time it's showtime.


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[Assistant] Anything you want to plug, Jean?


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[Assistant] Who I used to work with. Alright, here it is. It's showtime.


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[Assistant] If you're doing this shit, there's no way. I think there's a lot of people who are like, ah, it's the weekend, I can finally, you know, run around the trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you can train, you can train your nose, you know, you can train it to be, uh, sharper. So he's saying, you know, if you want to have a,


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[Assistant] This fucking guy who's saying this, that's the same guy that just, like he was making it sound all academic.


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[Assistant] And now he's like, run your finger along your fucking asshole and learn what that smells like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Howie's a, a, a famous germaphobe for people who don't know, like he really would not want to get involved in pup play.


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[Assistant] Let's learn more about this pony, uh, festival. Cause it looks like there's a horsey pulling a pretty big, uh, cargo right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he looks like he works in accounting. You know who he kinda looks like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pull up Gary Ridgway. I think that's his name. And, uh, tell me if-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time he brought his son, uh, with him.


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[Assistant] Do you think, do you think they ever like, the ho- the per- the person horse is like, oh my leg and they're like, shut up you fucking horse!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Give me, like, uh, what is it? A fucking... What is it, a chalice?


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[Assistant] Uhm, when he's standing there next to- yeaah. See the way those eyes of his are kind of-


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[Assistant] Not, yeaah, not just dead, unaware of the space around him. Yeaah. There's usually a term for...


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[Assistant] He's saying he's a rebellious horsey. He's a wild horse. So you actually do a good horse. Ready?


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[Assistant] That's why it feels so good. That's why you keep doing it. It feels great.


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[Assistant] It's not, it's not, we're not supposed to be like, look at you, you fucking idiot.


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[Assistant] Nah. They're not rich. Nah. They're spending this instead of shit they should be buying.


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[Assistant] Then what? Then I'm a fucking stupid horse without a harness. That's a good point.


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[Assistant] Wow, that uh, YMH fartmike twitter account is really going to celebrate. Somebody started a fartmike account and they keep tabs on the farts and a running tally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sent me the worst fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. It is such a depressing... What's going on on TikTok?


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[Assistant] That's all I'm seeing when you, you send me like, and there's also like a bunch of like, not like fat people, like 500 pound people laying on beds like, ahhh, and then a fucking song clip plays and they go.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, is this a fuckin', is that what that is? Is that a TikTok?


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[Assistant] Don't you know who I could see doing this if they made an effort? Is Josh Potter. I feel like, I feel, if we get him that shirt and those jeans.


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[Assistant] My first ever, probably only sing-along. I've said it on the show before.


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[Assistant] And here's the thing, you're all around one mic, and I mean, we're all singing, but I guess I'm singing harder. So when you play the tape, you just hear me. It's just Tommy. Yeah. And, and it's, I'll just say this.


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[Assistant] I was like, can you give her a little boost?


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[Assistant] Oh, uh, I like my, I work on my wraps and, uh, you know, I got jewelry. I'm wearing, uh, cool stuff. Adidas sent me a grip of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shout out to Adidas. I was in Portland. By the way, my shows in Portland and Seattle were the dog's tits. Thank you everybody who came out to those. They were amazing. But when I was in Adidas, they invited me to stop by and like tour.


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[Assistant] And it gave me a really cool tour, the nicest people, uhm, thank you Jordan, Jacona and John. Uhm, the three J's. The three J's, they, they really showed me like, I don't know, it's so cool, like seeing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How they, there's different departments, here's how they, uh, the concept department, and then there's like secretive areas, and then you see how they lay out, you know, from, from design to actual execution of it, and you know, you see the, uh, what's it called, like the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, oh, that's a cool plug. And then you're like, you farted today.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but anyways, I wanted to say thank you to them, cause that was very-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically learning that for years, uhm, people have been saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, oh, Tom's crazy. Tom's a psycho. He likes his coffee a certain way, but.


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[Assistant] So people lean into that, but then the thing is, it's, you know, it's kind of theatrical. Then Christina shares a real life thing that she thinks is just, you know, throw away comment and everyone's like,


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[Assistant] That is a through and through psychopath. I mean, she obviously is void of emotions, has no remorse, doesn't have empathy. All these things lying in your check marks. Okay, well here's what the fans are saying.


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[Assistant] Just so you know. So here's uhm, for people that don't know, Christina revealed a week ago that uhm, she just started drying off after showers with howls.


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[Assistant] Because, wait, wait, let's be clear about something. First of all, I cannot believe I never noticed this, but she said she's been getting dressed wet for 40 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about what some of the listeners are saying. So, here we go.


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[Assistant] Or just about when you're in a damp country like the UK, I say to each their own, I knew someone who wouldn't use a towel, but a hair dryer to dry themselves.


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[Assistant] Todd and Christine, it was upsetting to hear all the hate Christine was getting for not drying off. This is something that I have done my whole life and believe this to be completely normal. Yet all the staff here at the insane asylum where I live thinks it's totally crazy.


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[Assistant] It amazes me that out of all the people here who seem to be bothered by wet socks and unnies, I'm the one who was court ordered to be here when all I did was cook my parents into a stew and eat it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was from Joe. Uhm, no, people are, hey friends, I just wanted to show a little support for Christina regarding Tawagazi. Uhm. Tawagazi? Tawagazi, like Benghazi? Tawagazi?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As stupid as I know it is, I blaze on past the drying part of the showering. I do about 33% of tallying off. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife constantly berates me for being damp for the hour following a shower. My shirts have wet spots an hour after I put them on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regardless, while I usually have unwavering support for Tom in all aspects of life, this truck too close to home regards Damp Sam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, someone else wrote, finally there was someone out there like me. I literally get out of the shower, put my hair in a towel and wrap a towel around me. Yes, that's what I meant. No drying off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I would have that. Fuck, do I now have the energy to dry off? Ugh, Johanna. I mean, but then, you know.


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[Assistant] Christina, listen. You're always damned. You need to get your shit together. Jake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No showering. I mean, there seems to be like all women doing this shit.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I figured she was the only one, but when I heard Kristen say she did the same thing for 40 years, it gave me very little hope for the future. Anyways, Tom, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. John.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and there's a lot of messages, I mean there's just pages of messages, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it is deeply troubling. That's all I'll say. It's deeply troubling. I would rather you tell me we're gonna start doing pup play and pony play than go back to not drawing off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, you know, this kind of bothered me the other day. So a few days ago, I just, you know, you can tweet out something that it's one of your lines. Something you've said before, right? I mean, you just have lines from your act or from life, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, there you go. I'm a damn homie. So the other day I tweet out one of my throwbacks. I mean, this will be a very familiar line to you. I tweeted out, show me how those big tits fart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for the diehards, the people who have been listening to this podcast for a long time, they know that that's, I mean, at least five or six years old. You can probably dig through old episodes and find it. Now, it came to my attention that like a year ago,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On one of those Tinder, uhm, Instagram, it's like Tinder Disasters where they do screen grabs of conversations that people send in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the ones that people, someone sent in is that somebody wrote, show me how those big tits fart. Right? And somebody had responded to them. So I looked in the comments when I, cause I got tagged in it a bunch and they were like, oh it's Thomas the girl, Thomas the girl. I was like, whatever. But then when I tweeted it, somebody was like, oh that's uhm, that's a Tinder line that you took.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, no, that is not. So I want to do a full investigative report. As you should. And I want to find the first time that that was said on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that they just, somebody on Tinder just said it, right, and they didn't say their source. I mean, obviously they heard it from me. What I'm saying though, is that now somebody is saying to me, oh you took that line, like, oh that's cool, you're a fan of the Tinder conversations. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? And I was like, no, no, no. So. Wrong. I need some home, I need some help with the homework. If anybody...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean like they're basically, you know, they're stealing. They're stealing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't know if I get credit on the year one dictionary. You're not, you're not, cause I've looked it up. And I definitely came up with that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not credited. You know, it's like, Hemingway gets his credit, you know, and it's like, kinda weird that here I am creating these things that are obviously finding their way into pop culture, and then there's no public record of that. I'm not gonna lie, it is, it's hurtful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I created it. It's like writing a song or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyways, if anybody out there, uh, any of our listeners who are like really well versed, you know, some of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The eight, nine year listeners can be like, you know what? I feel like you first said it around this time. Let us know. Send it in. Let's show these people that they can't just steal our intellectual property.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, you know, I'm very proud of Double Pipe Classic and I'm even prouder of Show Me How Those Big Tits Fart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I said it to you and then you were like, hey, it probably was something like, you're like, what was that nice thing you said to me the other day? You know what I mean? So I said it in our personal life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's one of those devoted listeners that are gonna find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's mushy purples related, he thinks. Yes. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look, it's just, it's something we're gonna have to, I'm not gonna be railroaded like this, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not okay to just abuse somebody. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Fart Simpson has done amazing prank calls for us. He sent in another one where this really made me laugh because he used me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty, it's pretty amazing. You wanna hear it? Yeah. Here it is. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If your belly button was a real button and you could push it once a day to make anything happen, what would it do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a hundred million dollars, here's a thousand dollars, read this shit to me. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather every time you cum, it comes out of your mouth, or it's two liter bottles worth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cum buckets. You wanna see a lot of jizz. I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, thank you Fart. Uhm, I think it's fartsimpson.bandcamp.com


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He played like a drop of me going like, haha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was great. And also, that person is a maniac for just rolling along with that whole conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She lasted two and a half minutes before she was like, is there anything you want to ask?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a husky Australian woman. Nooo. No? That's a gay dude, bro. I don't know, he's gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's not old. I think, I think she's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to bash out magic tricks at parties and girls would just be like lining up to go home with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cause chicks are dumb, but they fucking wish they could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sexy. Oh. We have different tastes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got to, and then he gets those, some of those cooch flakes under his nails. Cooch flakes. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess he doesn't care. I don't know. Good for him. Fuck. You guys are doing good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't, I've been tagged in some things and people told me to go there. Here's the thing, so for, cause people were on Instagram and, you know, a lot of people were, you know what was funny? This one was on the line. Where a lot of people, it was a revealing. People would watch it and they would go like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. And then other people would go, I don't get it, what are you pointing out? Like what's weird? And like yea, they didn't understand. And look, I'm, I understand, listen, Travolta is a great talent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure, cinematic treasure. I mean, he's done great work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, he's super famous, and the theory stays real, that if you're really, really famous, something fucking happens. You don't know how to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Connect, maybe, with regular folk as much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And internationally famous. Like, can land anywhere in the world and people will be like, I know who you are. Alright, here's a little taste.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the eyes are waiting for a blink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so there's that one. It's kind of odd, you could be like, whatever, he's singing along to a song. So I get it if you're like, hey, you know, just looks like you're a regular right-of-the-mill kidnapper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well because you know where this is going. No, I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I'll tell you something. Let's pull up the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay, this one is, if you don't understand why this is weird, then let me tell you something. You're off. You don't understand how anything works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what I'm saying though, what I'm pointing out is that when this post stops, that is not how we talk to the person right next to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the fakening also did a, so it's like, it's funny cause you can see their, their deep fakes are different, but uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the studio where we do the podcasts and, uh, you like it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something's going on. I know, I know what you mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We owe you a huge thanks. I called you in a panic so that people know. I called you in a panic and I was like, the guy that was going to help me with the build dropped out, I don't know what to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally, I, the first, you're the first person I call, I was like, and you, thank you very much, cause you hooked it up, you put me in touch with, uh, TJ, McDonald's, and then you also put me in touch with, uhm, what, your guy, is it Dave?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For people that don't know, I mean, uh, you guys really hooked it up with that. I mean, we were able to basically pick up right away and then, like yea, you had the contact at McDonald's and then there was the money to build the space. It was really great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember I was buying buckets, and I was like, you know, lean over the bucket, let's try to actually milk you. Let's milk these babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big ol' sloppers, man. Big slops, yeaah. And the nips get all, you know, thick and yeaah. They look like, just like chubas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's the thing, I don't remember how fat I was at his birth. I remember that like six months later, I got on a scale, I was like, this is the fattest of everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We started working out and he was like, are you, do you believe in Jesus Christ? And I was like, what? And then we're, you know, working out and then he tells me, you know, I would tell him things like, I don't know if I should do another set, like my shoulder hurts. He goes, ah, the Holy Spirit wouldn't let me push you too far. I'm like, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said that. Oh yea, and it got way crazier than that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, Jesus helped me get it better. But, uh, no, what happened was I would work out with him and he would, you know, he would just push me to my limits and then I would leave that place and be like, oh my, I must have burned like 10,000 calories and I would just eat everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly what happened. And I kept doing that. Yeaah. So, it was like he was, let me see, we had just moved. Remember that house that we rented after?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was a little bit after there where I got on the scale and I was like fuuuuuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started doing that and I lost a bunch of weight, but it was very necessary. I mean, I was, I was on a bad path at that point. And I feel like the pregnancy accelerated it, for sure. Yeah. Hila's at her fattest by far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you like milk chocolate, dark chocolate, all chocolate? I like dark chocolate. All chocolate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you like it mixed with things? Caramel, uh, sea salt, all that stuff? Chocolate caulk? Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, how did your family react? Cause there's always different reactions to the name. When you told them the name. They were happy, surprised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I tell you what else is crazy about pornography and racism? This is like one of the places, no no, this actually, I think it's, it's really, uh, uh, disturbing. That they, you know, people do all types of wild sex acts, right? And then the, the actors, the performers,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a thing if they'll say they'll sleep with a black person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why, it's like, it's this thing too, where they, they will, they'll make, it's also like a big uhm, to do, if they go, I'm doing my first interracial scene. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad said one of his buddies, an older guy in his 80s, keeps his stuff in a fridge and he has to inject himself. Now that's dedication.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I was saying was that men, especially, have such a relationship with like your self worth and your dick and what it can do. And if you're a woman and you're with a guy, you should just tell him all the time, it's great, or whatever, if you love him, it's great, it's big. I think that's good advice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you better, if you have a, if you have a micro penis, you really should be working on those, those munching skills, right? You gotta be like the expert. Yeaah, of course, but. I mean, you were saying you're a ball hog, right, that you love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And don't you get upset when your distance starts to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like getting into sports now, she doesn't do porn, she does uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Commentary. Oh, I'm sure people are going to be interested in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like too when you see like the real lean body and then the big boulders on top of it so it looks completely unnatural. It's not right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a couple questions for you guys. First of all, soft pitch. What do you think about going as Ethan and Hilarious?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you're banging them out all the time. You're on a roll. Uhm, what led to, you know, doing more videos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm like, I'm super, like, into your guys' content. That's crazy to us. I appreciate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As much as I want to. Really? Yea, yea. I'm just like nerding out, like watching these videos. But the latest one that you made was so cool because I actually remember you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and a lot of times huge influencers putting out there this image of themselves and then you realize that it is such a departure from what is reality. So you did this great, you guys did this great video, uhm, kinda highlighting some of those things. It was super entertaining and funny, uhm, and there's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to the first picture. Like, so this is her and Kanye at the Met Gala. Can I tell you one thing that actually is annoying to me? Uh, almost, it's separate from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This body dysmorphia nonsense with, you know, the stuff that she posts like all these other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that he is a fashion icon now and he looks like he gets to go to the Met Gala like he's coming to fix the air conditioning. So like you are supposed to be the represent, like the Met Gala is like a fashion show and he looks like he's changing air filters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a guy. Is that from the show? No, that's from, uh, polyamorous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So crazy. It's amazing that that's really, and then you actually got like a little bit of, uh, you guys had a little controversy from your video. You highlighted, uh, somebody who I guess does some of this. I mean, the whole video you were showing, but like, um, you called out, um, Trish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's her, um, like what is her origin or source of, uh, you know, fame, notoriety?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, look at this though. This is the, uh, what she does on tour. Full of laughs, eating, dancing, challenges, and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what do we have to show them though? Do we have a video you want to show them? Yea, we have a couple. So, here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, one thing, I don't know, have you guys seen, did you pick up on the trailer for Laquisha? No. No? Yes. Let's watch Laquisha. Okay, so, you remember, uhm, what was the old school one? What was the other one called? Soulman. Remember Soulman?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like a movie that came out, when would that have come out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like one of the big things too on the one we're about to see, which I'm telling you, 100% is real. This is a trailer for a real movie that is made and it's already finished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, what will be viewable at some point, uhm, somewhere is that uhm, it does have this element of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the story feels like it, like it's date, like you'd expect it to be from 25 years ago. Easily. You know? Okay. What's it called? It's called Loquisha. Loquisha. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a funny thing is, in the trailer, it says like, official selection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not so much, but it's starting to get like, you know, traction, traction for people talking about the trailer and people being like, what the fuck is this? That it might be, I don't know if it ends up being like one of those things like the room. And then the guy's like, I made $20 million from the controversy of it. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, definitely if you give people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying Tony man. Tony, someone's on the phone. And then they would scream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Instagram versus reality video. It's hilarious. Thank you. Um, and then we're, we're going to work on a loquisha screening. Yep. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 inch dick. 10 inch dick. I bet his dick is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. I really appreciate it. If you wanna see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also, if you haven't subscribed, please do. It helps feed our cats. You wanna have any cats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Saatva Luxury Mattress, the only online mattress company that provides free delivery, setup and mattress removal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bye. I can't tell who it's by. Coded holecat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, and then everybody has a name that rolls off the tongue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Late Show in New Haven on March 30th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, and there's a few tickets. I don't know how many will be available by the time this comes out, but you can try to get them. Late Show in Madison, Wisconsin has picked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still some tickets if you want to try to get into that. That's at the Orpheum, April 11th. Late Show, the early show sold out. Late Show in Milwaukee on the 12th, you can try to get tickets to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the Late Show in Nashville is the only thing left that week on April 14th. It is almost sold out and by the time this comes out it might be gone. Uhm, Bethlehem PA, April 25th, has less than 200 tickets left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And let's see, you can go to, the only show you can get to in Boston still is April 28th. That is the late show, April 28th. And then I added a show, or May 1st, in Portland, Oregon. Uh, if you wanna try to go to that, the April 2nd show in Portland is sold out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] April, excuse me, May 5th in Seattle is the only show left with tickets in Seattle. All the others are sold out. And, uh, you can go on down the line there. TomSegura.com slash tour. You can see the tickets in May and June. Uhm, we are announcing a bunch of shows. Uh, we're gonna make the announcement in April. So it's gonna be in about three weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to get tickets before anybody else for the second half of the tour, that includes all the Canadian dates, a bunch of US dates, some other international dates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sign up at my email, uh, website, go to TomSkaRow.com slash tour, and there's a prompt, and you put your email in there, and then we'll announce the shows first, and you can jump on them before anybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it and that's all, man. We just, we just, you know, just entertainment, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one other thing before we get started. Don't forget, this is your last chance. March 22nd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's uh, Friday 10pm. The Hollywood Improv has the great


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Non-Coming Josh Potter. The Great Cockroach Comedian. The Cockroach Comic. At the Improv Lab here in Hollywood, glorious, glamorous, Hollywood, California. At the legendary Melrose Improv Lab, 10pm show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Josh Potter's headlining. I know he's bringing, uh, Doug Mellard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a couple other people are on the show. Get tickets now. Go to Josh Potter's page or just go to the, uh, improv website. Uhm, and get tickets, man. It's going to be a really great show. That's that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is pretty neat. Yeah, it's like this spout that just goes off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to remember, I mean, you know what, I uhm, I always had a real distance on me, so I was, I was fascinated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, you're like, oh my god, yea yea. I mean, I don't remember if I can cite the first time, like, vividly that was the first time, but I remember being like, oh shit, this is a mess, you know, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was staying at a relative's house and you know, when you really, you get so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fire it up when you're 12, 13. So like I gotta jerk off. So I went in the bathroom and I stood over the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I jerked off and then it shot over the back of the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not like good ones, like time and like better homes and gardens. I was like, oh fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm saying I wasn't jerking off on a Playboy, it was a, you know, like a news magazine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I would just throw those boxers under my bed. No, that's not a good strategy. No, I know. They would just, it would just be a pile. Yeah, that's not good. And then one day they'd just be gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think she probably thought it was wet, like, you know, understood that there's wet dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think she thought I was in there like, I'm cranking this thing out every night. She knew. I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said I don't really, do you do it sometimes? All the time. Was that the end of her? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No. How quickly can Josh jizz?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw some emojis, yeaah. Yeaah, I went emoji style. You took that BDE that Brandon was talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a forward to your colleagues policy here. Where are those nudies? Oh yeah, no, they'll be at the weekly recap. Oh, okay, good, good, good. Were they good ones?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, all I want you to do, you know, my fingers are crossed is for you to finish in a nice lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spoke to a doctor about you. Oh yea? Yea, there was a doctor at my show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, yeaah, he needs to see someone like me and a therapist. Oh, together, two of them? That's what he said, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was amazing. It was beautiful. It was. Many people probably saw it on a periscope. They periscoped it. Because he was the prince of periscope. And uhm, it was like a really awesome


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Energy and, uhm, celebration, uh, and remembrance of that guy. I mean, the amount of people that showed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanted to pay respect or show love to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back and forth speech like that where he was, it was touching and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had, so at one point before we started, he had six beers in front of him, uh, and a glass of wine, and I was like, just, ahem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, they brought a few others, then we go to take a pee break, and as we're coming back, he's holding, like he has his hands like this, and there's just bottles sticking out, and he's like, ready to go back? I'm like, Jesus, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna run 10 miles today. Alright, right. Why? He goes, just to lose weight. I was like, you know, I was like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds good. Sounds like the formula most doctors and, you know, trainers recommend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brody used to always have this line when he was like, I was in hangover, hangover 2, due date, I was cut out of funny people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, so they're like, no, we wanna be here, and they're like, how fucking long is this thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. I think people would be like, did you have a family? Like they wouldn't even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, a comforting experience. A surrounding something that's obviously terrible. Yeah. But uhm, it was like to see so many people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about offstage, just wanted to make, like, you laugh. Yeah, I'm not like that at all. And I was like, fuck you! I'm not trying to make you laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the thing she's talking about, they said that like, one of his buddies that he started out with, they were like, if we ever, if one of us ever makes it, they used to do all these cable access shows together. One of us ever makes it in Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll bring the other one along. And like 20 years went by and then he got a Comedy Central show and on his own dime he flew that dude down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks. Thank you. Please don't bring me your fart and shit stuff. Thank you though. Yeah. Very thoughtful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, could be a great week, could be, could be a long time, could be a whole month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could really parlay your death into some sweet puss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you saying? I'm saying your R word at number one. Okay. And I'm saying that I would get a lot of pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a symbolic job. That's totally ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, it's ridiculous. I mean, a guy with no legs should be able to get a job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, that guy, you know, of all the jobs they could give him at the mall,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, make em, I dunno, administrative or something, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's also ridiculous is that I saw a guy who was also missing something this weekend. This dude, and I'm not kidding, you don't see this often, but he had, uh, no head. And I walked behind him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has no head, and I walked behind him, I took photos, I took videos, I posted it, and people were like, you're an asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, why? And they're like, well, this guy's disabled. I'm like, no, he just doesn't have a head. Just walks around with no head. I mean look, you can play this video. Oh my god. It's in the lobby there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So terrifying to see. That's terrible. From behind. That is terrible. It's uh, I looked it up, it's dropped head syndrome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, yeaah. I think maybe with him it's something else. But yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he never misses a quarter. He never stumbles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad just wrote, no head? Is this a question mark? Like, like it was a legit question. I was like, yeah. And he was like, oh. Like, that guy has no head? Mhmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Hey, this guy still has the, like, you know, the character and the desire to go out. Right. Oh, I would be a shut-in. Is there nothing you can do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't prop that up? Yeah. And then you just put a brace on at least?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you have to tilt your- Oh, he's fine. This is just a gag. He was just doing this for a laugh. He saw that there were kids around. He's like, you wanna see these kids freak out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it to make a point, to look up and sit straight. Alright? Posture is important everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were the biggest House of Cards fans, uh, for those of you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they've been listening to this show for a few years, so they, you know, there was the big scandal, Kevin Spacey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just turn and I just see, yeah, I need to put something there. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, Kevin Spacey was accused of harassing men on set and then he was accused of sexually assaulting men, young men, both many years ago and then, yeah, minors, one kid at a party and then another kid at a restaurant and anyways, it's a lot of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alleged, uh, sexual misconduct, okay? And then he was fired from House of Cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they still made the final season without him. And I gotta tell you, they should bring him back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would allow him to fondle me to, to do a scene with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, if they're like, you can do a scene with Kevin Spacey, but he's gonna fondle you, I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Spacey, he really does, or a great actor just elevates something so much. Yeaah. That it stood out, I was so excited to finally, cause we, I don't know, we got distracted, we didn't watch. I started watching episode one of the final season, and I realized like 20, 30 minutes in I was zoning out. I wasn't even paying attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you have like an unbelievable actor, it actually grounds it. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's just fucking, I don't know. He's uh, he should have done what he allegedly did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember, uh, yesterday on the way to the memorial?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and then I had that seafood! That's what it is. That's what it was. That's what it was. It was a mixed seafood dish for lunch. It had like a little piece of salmon, shrimp, uh, calamari, all grilled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, yeaah, farted and it smelled like people were in my asshole dying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bad. I didn't realize how rich he was. Uhm, this guy...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His name is Michael, is that right? Right? Isn't it Michael? Yea. And this dude is, he's gotta be, I would say in his 50s, and he's just posting pics of himself with money, with girls, he's like, I'm getting my dick sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, here's the amount of sympathy I have for you broke bitches. Money made Michael. He died his beard in that picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a picture of him where he says it's a new night which means a new pussy to be bought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Help, I'm at a girl's house and her boyfriend just came home. He's always out there doing scandalous shit, but he's, uh, he's always pretty happy, you know? Uhm, he gets, he gets, I don't know, do you have any of the other, uh, vids or photos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of this day I will go and support female sex workers near me. That's pretty cool. Black and Latina ladies do it best. So you're ugly and broke. Tough life. Praying for you virgins before I go to sleep. It's always the people with no money talking shit about me. So that's some of his tweets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How I found him? Uh, I just, I happened, a lot of his tweets, you know, for not having like a huge social media presence, a lot of his tweets get like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of retweets and likes, you know, like pretty substantial. Uhm, okay, he just died that beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder what kind of office he works at cause he's always posting from the office. Yeaah. Yeaah. I've been scoring so much with the ladies I might say fuck it and play for both teams. Oh, okay. So he's talking about sucking some dicks there. Uhm, what's this here? What do we see in here? This is, what does it say in the caption though? Can you read it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got the cheese, I got the cheddar, you little broke boys could never boss up. Uhm, can you make that picture bigger by any chance?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got you. So he's making his cheddar joke. That's what's up, dude. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you get it, that's how you get the right girl.


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[Assistant] Oh shit, there's a picture of him in a gi, like in a karate, you know, outfit. It says young me training to beat the pussy up.


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[Assistant] Got a grill, he's holding money, he's putting money in a seatbelt in the car. Yeaah. Look at that shit. But there's more, there's more, it gets better. It actually gets better.


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[Assistant] Just because my eye is messed up doesn't mean my penis is.


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[Assistant] Uhm, how about this one? This is him wearing an eyepatch. Stupid bitch from last night sat on my face and didn't even watch herself. This is the second time this has happened.


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[Assistant] It's a bitch button. It's amazing. How about this one?


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[Assistant] You can't tell what my penis is getting sucked on right now. And it's just a photo of him sitting on the edge of the bed with his chest up. Pretty cool. That's him showing that ridiculous kiosk watch.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's money, yeah. Although, if it's the amount that he says it is, those bands would be a little more full. But, whatever.


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[Assistant] You think he has an arrangement with his wife? Cause that was like a lady at the sink who was not this lady.


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[Assistant] He's just like, oh, I just fucked this chick. I don't know what that's about. Check this out.


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[Assistant] This is, you poor people can't do stuff like me. And he's at his sink.


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[Assistant] He's burning a hundred dollar bill. I don't know why people do that.


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[Assistant] Set a hundred dollar bill on fire? The fuck, man. Okay, this is his girl. But the music's probably gonna play on this, so don't play that. But yeah, he's in the car.


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[Assistant] Uh, he spent my day with her. I don't know the guy in the back. She says it's a friend. That's hilarious.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's just driving a chick who's like having fun singing and dancing to a video. She's gotta be 30 years younger than him.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Uh, so what is his handle by the way? The president of the rich guy club?


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[Assistant] Oh, he's a hunter too. Don't test me. Yeah, but I'm saying this could be, like, end up the kind of thing you're doing is like going out with a sugar daddy.


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[Assistant] I know, but it's like the same style. It's not like a new thing that he's embraced.


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[Assistant] Now, that's a nice grill. I mean, I think maybe a dermatologist...


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[Assistant] Maybe, but look dude, you're definitely killing the game. I mean, he's got hoes, he's got money, he's got Jordans, he's got diamonds in his mouth. He's killing it. For sure. When I'm in love, I can't think straight. Oh, now he's in love. Shit.


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[Assistant] Look, it's worth checking out if you're listening to the show. Give us the handle again.


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[Assistant] It's worth a follow, it is worth a comment.


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[Assistant] He is really enjoying life.


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[Assistant] No, you're not, you're not the type. I know. I'm saying, but that type of... I wish I were his type. He seems like he's a really cool guy. He is a cool guy, but I'm saying, I'm saying you might need a sugar daddy at some point.


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[Assistant] And would you be open to that arrangement if it's the right guy?


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[Assistant] Yeah. I'd rather be, yeah. First of all, if she's like, Hey, what's up with that gut? I'd be like, I mean...


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[Assistant] Talk about your, is that, uh, you remember how you, uh, were licking your lips at the Laker game?


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[Assistant] So, they're not gonna be in the postseason. What? Oh yeaah. What are you talking about? They're not good enough. So...


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[Assistant] But, this off-season, they're doing some stuff to kind of keep the fans interested, fans like yourself. So they put out this video, uhm, and you can see whether you want to go to some of their off-season activities.


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[Assistant] These guys, for those of you guys listening, they're wearing loose, fitting sweat shorts. And the whole thing is they just dance and their dick just swings around. And you can see how enormous their dicks are. And they all have- Is this gonna get flagged for the song? No. No?


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[Assistant] Okay, uhm, I mean I don't mind the dicks, I just want the song to get in the way.


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[Assistant] This is, uh, at the Lakers facility. Is it the Staples Center? Yeah, this is, no, this is in El Segundo.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, it's pretty cool though, the, it's really great.


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[Assistant] And we're back with, uh, a very highly anticipated guest that we are super excited about. We were teasing this earlier. Uhm, the Roastmaster General, Jeff Ross. Thank you so much for coming.


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[Assistant] We were talking earlier about last night and what a beautiful night it was and I didn't want to even spoil it because it was so amazing that, you know, people would get up there and they would


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[Assistant] You know, tell stories about Brody and it was childhood friends, childhood baseball coach, roommate from college. Right. And these guys are saying, you know, nice things and...


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[Assistant] They only turned the lights on for the comics. I noticed that all the civilians... They didn't light them? They didn't put a light on. Comics had lights on, yea.


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[Assistant] Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I was looking right up at it and yeah, they didn't turn it on for any civilians.


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[Assistant] Anyways, and then right after you said it, they played the sound drop, uhm, of Brody saying, what is it, like, you get it.


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[Assistant] That was fun. You gave a great speech, man. Thank you. You're made for that. You should do more eulogies and stuff.


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[Assistant] He tapped you up right away, didn't he? He must have seen you and said something.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I can hang out, like hanging out with my friend's dad, who's in his 70s was like, it was a thrill. Like every other line was a fucking, you know, inappropriate thing to say that nobody says anymore.


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[Assistant] It's like took in what you did, for sure will remember you. For sure will like it, yeaah.


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[Assistant] But dude, I was gonna tell you this, cause I've always been a big fan of yours. I remember seeing you when I was starting out doing stand-up. Tom, I'm a fan of his too. No, no, me.


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[Assistant] I was pretty early in stand up and then, and then you were very, very nice. I had a lot of anxiety on the first night of oddball.


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[Assistant] And uhm, I saw you in the coffee shop at the hotel.


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[Assistant] And I also had a bad experience at one of the empathy, like bad meaning like I just didn't enjoy it. Right.


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[Assistant] That's nice. Yeah, that's aside from the fact that like, you're talking about like, how do you stay doing it? Don't you feel like, I always feel like you're the guy who's coming up with these most creative ways to do


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[Assistant] Like everyone does a special where it's like I come out and I just, you know, this is my act. And you're like, all right, that's what a stand up special is. But you've taken like a spin on it and done, you know, you did one at the border wall. You've done them in jail. You know, you're always pushing it though. You're always, you know, bumping mics is like all, it's all different.


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[Assistant] I remember in the jail one, uh, something about, in, in that, where you, they told you, they're like, oh, we told the guys, like,


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[Assistant] Is there like a kind of relief leaving though, even like you have fun doing the show or you're like kinda good to be out of there when you wrap up?


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[Assistant] What is your best, cause I mean, it's definitely not my lane, but what is your best, uh, advice for people who are like, oh how do I get good at roasting, you know? What do you tell people?


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[Assistant] I was like, man, this is so fucking funny. I love that man. We love you guys, just like you're the, you know, our favorite comics. And then, I don't know, watching the camaraderie, all that was great. The one thing that I was like,


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[Assistant] Holy shit, that I can't even wrap my head around, is that you eat before shows. Like that's one thing I can't really-


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[Assistant] No, yeah, me too, I just, I mean, I don't know, I always feel like whenever, every time I've eaten like, anything of substance on stage, I'm like, like I wanna burp, I feel like, yeah, I feel like I can't really.


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[Assistant] Where like you did, you parodied uhm, what's it called, that move?


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[Assistant] 10 years. Beautiful. I think you put in, you definitely will, like you, first of all you created like a little bit of a, like a specific thing going on which is good, you know.


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[Assistant] There's so many. So the fact that it's like, I think that you're the roast guy. People know that. And you at least give an element of that.


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[Assistant] It matters that you're doing it, then use whatever juice you have to get any and all guests because it's a guest-reliant medium. So, you know, don't ever feel weird about asking.


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[Assistant] Anybody, not that you should, but I mean the fact that you mentioned it, like, you know, you deserve to have those guests. It's gonna be a better product, so ask everyone, man. Thanks.


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[Assistant] Uh, here in the valley. Uh, that guy.


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[Assistant] Yes. That's a jam, dude. It's an AA show. He'd do it like once.


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[Assistant] Every six months I did it a couple times. Man, they're so game. They're so good.


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[Assistant] You know, did you ever get... I nailed them all. That's where they got their nickname from.


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[Assistant] I just had a flashback to another one of talking to you. I did the Melrose improv.


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[Assistant] And, uh, you know, I was booked on the show. It must have been like...


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[Assistant] Oh, six or seven. And I had, I had a great set, like a great set and you were on the show.


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[Assistant] And then, you know, people kinda gather afterwards outside, out front.


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[Assistant] And I just like stood next to you. And, and uh, you're talking to other people and other comics and I just like, just like stood kind of like waiting.


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[Assistant] And then you looked at me and you were like, you had a great set, that was hilarious. I was like, thanks man. And then I just kept staring at you. Wow. What's going on there? I just wanted to like,


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[Assistant] I think, I think I probably freaked you out. At a certain point I definitely saw you look at me like, alright man.


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[Assistant] Uhm, since we were, by the way, since Christina's fart was so disappointing. How dare you. Can you pull up?


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[Assistant] Oh. Whatever you have, whatever you have is fine. Didn't you say that we had to watch these? No?


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[Assistant] Oh, I see, okay. So let's see who we've seen. That's what you have here.


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[Assistant] I like, I like when they get playful with these things. Yea, me too. Like what are the bananas for? Oh.


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[Assistant] Well, get ready to re-rank everything, cause there's a new champ, cause I remember this vividly. This is really intense.


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[Assistant] What do you think that is? Uh, the one guy who wrote in about it, he said that the reason he has a fetish for it is because it's like the taboo thing to see a pretty girl having like a dirty smell, you know?


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[Assistant] So this was a public fart. That was really interesting.


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[Assistant] There's a guy that does that, but I don't know if you want to see that.


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[Assistant] For sure. Why? I mean just the way that it was so dominant and, and like there was so much muscle behind it and the way she was so nonchalant like, mm, oh my gosh.


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[Assistant] Who sponsored this show, toilet paper? Used to be McDonald's, but they left. So...


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[Assistant] That took nerve, a little bit. In the supermarket? Yeaah. A little bit.


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[Assistant] Hey, now uhm, have you been to Israel before? Yes. Did you perform there?


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[Assistant] Oh, I've seen those. Really fun. That's manual? Yea.


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[Assistant] Oh, I gotta see this thing. I'll show you a picture after. Okay, okay. Well this guy, is this in Israel?


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[Assistant] This guy would probably impress Jeff. Oh my god.


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[Assistant] No, I think he allows people to film him in like public places. And then, you know, cause there's, I think he's in Spain now, right? He's on tour. He's on tour.


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[Assistant] I would love to have him on. He would just do Staying Alive over and over though.


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[Assistant] Dude, what was that line? Uh, so funny.


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[Assistant] I think it's in the first episode, I can say it right? Please. You're like, you look like somebody who knows how to delete a hard drive.


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[Assistant] I saw him at a show like a month ago. I saw him backstage and he was wearing the same thing. And I was like, how's the manifesto coming along? It's good, it's good.


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[Assistant] That's gotta happen for the two of you. I mean, the two of you working together.


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[Assistant] That's, but never heard of it, seeing it right now. Really? On top of all the people that saw it before. You don't think it dies down? No, no. When you announce these tickets, they'll go way faster than they did last time. Really? For sure. That's nice to hear. Yea, definitely. That'll be good. Yea, you'll do some...


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[Assistant] Oh yea, and that's so, by the way, it's definitely so him. Yea, it's repeating himself. Because I, I, I, I've told this story before, like, cause I, I worked with him years ago, I opened for him, like I meddled for him a few times. Oh wow. And I was like, so, you know, so geeked, just like insomnia is on, you know. Right.


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[Assistant] It's just, it's everywhere and every comic coming up, you're like, oh my god, I love this guy, right? And, you know, all the shows are packed. He is fucking destroying it.


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[Assistant] Remember where it was? Brea. Brea. Yeah. I did, I did two years apart, two separate weekends with him.


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[Assistant] Like sick show weekends. And like, you know, so you do your Thursday show and you're like, holy shit. And Friday early show, you know, let's say most of that stuff. And then on the late show, it's the same setup and a different punchline.


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[Assistant] It's not the first one that killed, it's not the second one that did, it's another punchline in there and I'm like...


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[Assistant] It's part of the lesson that you learned or what you figured out was like not to be reactive to him reacting. You kind of had to like take a breath and just allow him to be how he is and sort of navigate. And not fault him for it.


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[Assistant] You know what, for us though, and this probably helps other, uh, duos, like especially ones that only do that, like we're not competitive. I think it's a big thing. I remember talking to a couple married couples in comedy over the years who they like led with


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[Assistant] I had, when I podcasted with him last, I was again, like, just, you know, in awe. He's looking, he's like, do you ever blink? Like, shit like that. Where was this? I was at, uh, Kreischer's house. We all podcasted together. He doesn't do many. The two of us were just


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[Assistant] Making fun of us for the entire time, you know, because we were like, remember when you said this show? He's like, yeah, of course I fucking remember.


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[Assistant] Dude, you're gonna, in a year, you're gonna be like, oh my god, you're gonna be turning down shit.


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[Assistant] Just because you're like, no, my podcast, I can't step away from it.


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[Assistant] Mmm, we usually do like, I mean, there's things that like, the way that we do, cause there's, you know, we have to find these farts. So there's multimedia kind of things where we're always like, sharing in a group, videos, uhm, topics.


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[Assistant] You know, some show somewhere and then all these people are gonna be like, oh you love the bumpin' mics and they'll be like, no no no, I'm here because of your podcast. Like, for sure.


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[Assistant] I mean if you're like, if you enjoy doing it, that's the thing. I really truly do. So like when you enjoy doing it, it's, it's, you're having fun, like your audience and your fans appreciate you doing something that they can tell you actually like doing.


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[Assistant] And then how much fun would it be, like, I think, if there's like a stand- like if there's a couple of stand-out


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[Assistant] Uh, roast, let's say, you know, let's say, cause you've roasted Trump, you've roasted, I don't know, let's say whoever the brieber.


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[Assistant] You can do episodes where you're like talking about what's happening in North Korea with uh, you know, or you have Larry Charles and you're talking about this thing and it's like not really about roasting and then you do your thing at the end. Sure.


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[Assistant] But like because you're who you are, it's like, what if you did this week, we're going to talk all about the Bieber roast because


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[Assistant] You know, it got 25 million viewers, it was this, it was that, and here's people that worked on it. As a fan, I would be like, oh, that's an awesome one off for this week. The next week, you don't have to do the same thing. The next week, you can have Dave on and talk about how you guys were just at the same.


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[Assistant] That, by the way, for people that want to do a deep dive on, uh, Jeff, definitely listen to his, uh, Marin episode. That was a great one. Oh, thanks. I think I was his 800th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys, but one thing was disappointing. That whole episode, no fart clips at all. Not one fart clip. No.


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[Assistant] And there's another thing you'll find out, a lot of audiences love segments. So you bring up touchy subjects.


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[Assistant] And then there's a hot guest coming on. Dude, believe me.


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[Assistant] Your fan base is listening like, I can't wait till we get to touch you subjects. Yeah, I like that. And then roast them piece of these.


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[Assistant] Isn't it crazy how it's come back around? How like, there was a time where everyone had like a Michael Jackson.


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[Assistant] You know, kid fucking joke or something. Right. And then if you were to hear that joke a few years ago, you'd be like, okay. And now it's like refreshed, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Uhm, so download, rate, review and subscribe. Thick Skin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you should do Google play. It's everywhere. I don't have Google play. I don't think you got to get on Google play. What are you doing, man? Oh, Android's out there. Okay. Um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're the opposite of a lot of comics in that sense too, where all these shows you're at, you're like, oh it's so great, I can see so much family there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, who'd you lose your virginity to? Oh my god.


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[Assistant] That was crazy. That was crazy. No, I think you're going to have a great outpouring of love.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you got a lot of friends. Like you said, you're positive.


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[Assistant] We got this because we're like, yeah, stop having people over at the house.


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[Assistant] And Tom's not having it. Well, I'm like, I'm kind of, I'm like, it's funny, but it's like he's saying it and I'm picturing him, you know, with other teachers and parents and he's like, I gotta dump. And I'm like, alright.


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[Assistant] Always just talk about how much we would love that, uhm, Carlin, who was, you know, such a brilliant guy and would dive into these topics and break it down and you would just be so blown away by his intellect and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was actually thinking about this the other day, cause I think I just wear creams and grays and blacks all the time, but I feel like those are boring colors. It's like I'm happy that orange exists. Do you ever, do you wear it though? No, cause it looked horrible, you know, on me, but orange I think is my favorite color. Like I appreciate it the most.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's aspirational. It's aspirational. But I won't do it. Yeah, we won't get there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, we didn't even think that, uh, you know, we didn't even have that high hopes of, for the show. Like, just in general. Do you think it was a one-off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I thought that we could make this quick fire internet sideshow. You know, like, celebrities coming in, burning their face off. I thought, you know, even-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if necessarily it would have a host or that you'd see the host or that it would play that role in it. Like originally our idea for it was it for it to be this like swinging light interrogation show where it would just be like interrogating a celebrity and forcing chicken wings down their throat and they'd just be like fighting through these questions and the wings maybe by themselves. Like maybe I don't even eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was Tony Ayo from G-Unit who helped us workshop the show, and he was kind of like,


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[Assistant] And that was like unintentional that that worked out. Yeah, but it clicked for us. Like I remember the light bulb going off and like, oh yeah, like that makes a lot more sense. And then Hot Ones was born. Dude, it's an amazing show. Thank you Tom, I appreciate that.


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[Assistant] Well I think that it's such a competitive space, like the interview space is so competitive. So if it's like, you're gonna get eyeballs, you know, and you're gonna compete for those, then I think your show has to be that exceptionally good. And then I think the other thing that's played into that is the audience. So many people are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you know, it's weird that I come across somebody on the other side of Hot Ones, but I always do ask them, like, one, what was, like, the next couple days like, and then, do people come up to you in the wild and they're like, you know, cause-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It gets loud. You feel like that, uh, speaker feedback situation or something. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All over the place, like I feel if you're like an IG model chick, you product place with Essentia. Yes. Right? That's very specific and accurate. Yea. They have like a real online marketing strategy, I feel like that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] FedEx at UPS? FedEx. You know, like now I've been next day in some stuff lately and every time I hit the FedEx. I feel like in New York you hit a FedEx like every third or fourth door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, straws, I feel like there's a lot of bad PR with straws right now. You know, I feel like I'm a bad person if I use a straw. But then at the same time, I wouldn't, you know, like the metal straw situation or the substitute, like who has time for that? I have those. You do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then do you have to like think ahead and plan, you know? Like a straw is so impulsive, like there's just a million straws on the counter, you just grab the straw when you're drinking something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I know I'd have a hard time doing that. But then at the same time, straws are good because I feel like I have bad teeth. Like I feel on a genetic level. Really? My parents handed down bad teeth. Let's see that smile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they're just, they're softer and weaker than most people's teeth. But a straw, it'll help, you know? Cause like if you're drinking something, straw, it'll bypass the teeth, you know? You don't take on that contact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, okay, well I like when the people win it back. Yeaah. You know? Alright. Christina, what water do you want to go with? Some pro straw, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm playing up in that. I feel like if you pulled 100 people and you showed a picture of me and go ahead and put all the stats, go ahead and put the resume there, and then you throw one up of her, I bet 96 out of 100 are gonna say he's lucky to be with her, not she's lucky to be with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I bet it would be like in the 90s. Let's talk about What's Your Lady?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? Our first date was actually at your guys show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, she does like this sort of thing too. Not comedy podcasting, but she does like on air hosting and red carpets and eating stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. I think that, I think that, uh, are you reading about the cheerleading stuff that's like coming out? You know, I feel like it's such a tough job. Like they don't get paid, they have to pay their own Ubers out to like whatever retirement home they have to go shake hands at or whatever. You know, I think it's a tough gig being a cheerleader. And then I think, yeah, I feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to somebody on the team, you're, you're, you're outta there. Wow. I think it's like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know, but that's, but that was, I think you made me look cool because then you put my name on the list and then to the Comedy Store's credit, they're very old school that way, you know, they're very like, these are Tom's guests, you know, and then like three people come down from the ceiling and they're like, oh, let me show you your seat, you know, you know, like they're, they're very, uh, they're very cool that way. And then we, uh, went backstage.


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[Assistant] Remember? We went backstage and we chatted for a little bit and then Hannibal rolled through with Thundercat. So it was a good first date.


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[Assistant] And then see you Vaughn after that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And I think that's just good for a show to just always be cranking the knobs, you know, like people, I think sometimes people want like a very specific kind of viewer experience all the time, but I think that that's what makes it good is when it's like this sort of


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[Assistant] And then we'll take like a couple weeks off, I'll whisper to you after, Christina P. And then uhm, then we'll take just a couple weeks off and do it again, you know? It's on, it's on fire.


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[Assistant] And that's been such an education for me, because uhm, now that I'm thrown into this world, it's not like I was some hot sauce guy or chili pepper guy before all this happened, but it is crazy the range people have. You know, some people,


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[Assistant] Right, and even now, like, having done this so frequently, like, now I can, you know, the tolerance has definitely gone up a mile. For you? For sure.


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[Assistant] No, it's crazy too because, uh, you know, from the time that we put up the first episode with Gordon Ramsey, or without Gordon Ramsey, first episode ever, everyone's like, Gordon Ramsey's gotta get on the show. You gotta have Gordon Ramsey on the show. And then like that,


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[Assistant] Pressure was so loud all the time, like every tweet, people would respond to it as like, when's Gordon Ramsay on the show, my IG comments, like whatever. So there was so much pressure that like forced us both in the room together, and then you feel like you have these ridiculous expectations for it, but we're like, alright, we're just gonna throw the kitchen sink at him, just try to...


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[Assistant] Uhm, you know, just make this just the most outrageous experience. Then he went to Bristol Farms and like picked up all that stuff that he was like using, like the lemon and lime juice. He did? Donuts, yea, and he's just like fighting off the spice that way. He was really aggressive with it. Wow. Well the Brits, the Brits are, they have like a Real aversion, but like genetically they're Brits.


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[Assistant] The way that people just took with, like the way people took off, I don't know, probably like 30 million or something.


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[Assistant] Taller. I feel like, I feel good. I'm like a dick level, I feel good. Like I feel like I just have like, like one you draw. Like I feel like it's very like, like what they sell in the store. Right. You know, it's very, it's, it's like factory standard. Yeah. And I feel good about it. And then, uhm. I've seen it.


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[Assistant] But then, yeah, I would like to get taller. Would you like to have, like, hair, like surfer dude hair?


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[Assistant] I think I am like a people watcher of voyeur at heart and sometimes I find myself staring at someone and then trying to think about what it would be like to walk a mile in their shoes or something. Really? Yea, I start to like wonder what they're like or how, you know, if I see somebody


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[Assistant] I find myself thinking about it, I think a little bit more than your average person, your average walker by wood, you know?


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[Assistant] You know, in a lot of ways it is everything that I always wanted, and it's a small team, you know, which, and every time I talk to somebody else who's doing some other thing, I pop the hood on it and I realize, like, I'm happy that I'm in my lane doing my thing and not in that lane doing that thing. All the time. Uh, it's,


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[Assistant] Labor intensive obviously, we travel so much, there's so much research built into it, uh, the post production in the show, plus like the frequency with which we like crank these things out. The edit is like the key, one of the most


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[Assistant] Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. We worked so hard on that because I kinda just want everyone watching it to really feel that pain and those moments, you know, like I always think like the evolution of it is some


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[Assistant] I always think like it could be bigger than that, some sort of like oculus rift, you know, experiential thing is like when I look into the future and think about what the show could be or whatever.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but there is the wings. There is constantly eating death wings, you know. That's true. A give and a take.


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[Assistant] You know, conquered every single day added to this team. So now I love everybody that's around me and yeah, creatively there's nobody who's going to get in my way about anything, you know, like I could die on any hill that I want to and I feel supported by the people that are on the team and I'm really proud of the show and what we do and


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[Assistant] You know, you kind of want to soak in this moment and, uh, stay on track with it and maybe even try to help that train go higher and faster.


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[Assistant] Uh, but yeaah, I think about that all the time. Cause people, you know, like whatever, my agent or like whoever, they'll always be like, uh, what's next? What's next? What's next? You know, or like that's just people and that's in their nature. And I'm like, I kinda just wanna tighten my grip on just this thing right now.


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[Assistant] And he just falls into the show so effortlessly. And then we're having this like deep dive career spanning interview on Trick Daddy and he started to rock with it in that way. And then that ass eating part that you referenced is one of the, one of the moments we're most proud of at the show. Far and away. Eat a booty gang. Eat a booty gang. Eat a booty gang.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, my dad was- Sure, with the gifts he's getting him now, for sure they do. Right. It was a good Christmas for my dad. But yeah, like uhm,


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[Assistant] They've always been super supportive. Well, my mom passed away when I was in high school, but my dad, super supportive, even like coming out to New York, cause at first it's like hard to explain even, uh, you know, he's not watching YouTube and stuff, so he's like, oh, you're gonna do...


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[Assistant] And then, you know, once we got people like Ricky Gervais in the chair, once I did Colbert, like that was a big deal for him because he was such a huge Letterman fan. So like that being in the same theater and the Ed Sullivan theater, that was like, it was like, oh, okay. That's huge. Amazing.


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[Assistant] I know, that was, you know, when he spit milk on the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater, I was like, that was such the, such a top of Mount Kilimanjaro for me, you know?


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[Assistant] Well, I wanna go back and yeah, they've kind of hinted at it and I get like tagged in like the school's Twitter and stuff and then kids that work at the newspaper. It's a buzzing thing. Same with like at my high school. Well, what I think is weird.


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[Assistant] Is that I grew up in a northwest suburb of Chicago and I see that the like local newspaper there


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[Assistant] They've never said a damn word about me. You know, like, I don't know. You know, like, uh, the hometown has never been like, has never even acknowledged it. But, uhm,


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[Assistant] Whatever, like I'd love to go back to the University of Illinois. Uh, I think it's like, uh, cause that would be cool, I think, that if I were a student there now, and I watched the show, I think that would be like so cool. Like I think Hugh Hefner went there, some good broadcasters went to you, Roger Ebert.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the metastic tumor. And he's kind of philosophical with it too, like it's not just about the plant life. It's like that, uh, you remember that SNL, uh, Chris Farley, uh, like the, uh, doubles, you know, the bears, the bears, doubles. Down by the river.


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[Assistant] He'll persuade you, like, you know, I'm into it a little bit more. Right. When you guys play these clips, do the people in the clips ever acknowledge the hotcast?


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[Assistant] I think that if you're gonna do it, that's probably the way to do it. I think so too. Wake somebody up with just a bucket full of ice water like that.


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[Assistant] I'm not fa- I didn't grow up fancy. It didn't feel fancy. Is he a federal judge? He's like, uh, he works for the Human Rights Commission, so, uh, you know, civil rights cases. Shit.


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[Assistant] Wow. He is super smart. He's like, you're the wing guy, huh?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean now, yeah, but now, I think, but that's what's like kinda crazy about YouTube and the world and stuff is cause now Wing Guy makes more than the, the judge for sure.


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[Assistant] I didn't think that he'd want that. He didn't really put, you know, I didn't have that kind of pressure on me. I was like, you know, if anything, cause he worked so much. And then, so I feel like I was like almost had a latchkey childhood.


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[Assistant] The side of that that he shows is more of like he's proud of me. And, you know, he, it is good to have somebody whose opinion you can trust when it comes to stuff like that, you know, because whatever people will tell it. Yeah, exactly. So I actually liked that.