[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over quickly and you know, it's, it's, it's fairly clear who's going to win from the outset and stuff. Like I don't know. It's like, I can't remember the last time it was ever really close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean it was just an observation, I was just surprised. But you can see how people will just, I saw a lot of people saying how anxious they felt and how they had like dread in their stomach and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like yeaah, if you're immersed in that culture and that's what you're being bombarded with, well fuck, I'm not surprised if that's how you feel. It's scary. That's unbelievable. That's too much for anybody to handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's just time-filling. Like you know, sometimes they just have nothing to talk about and they just invent stuff that they make you think is worth hearing. And when you actually think about it, it's not worth hearing. Like it's so, so


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. You know. Flax, just as well you're not doing it. You'd be fucking six feet under all that stress. Oh dude, it would kill me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is a thing, not even just with the humble, but with everything, right? Is sometimes you reach out to people because you might want to like do something with them or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever and you just like get no reply back and you see like lots of people saying the same things and stuff. It's just like, it's almost like an industry standard or something, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he going to be reformed in two years time? I doubt it. He'll probably do some more jugging while he's in there. He's probably just like refine, refine his craft, you know, to master it. You know, get some burning hot pitch in there as well and whatnot. Like Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, unless, unless you, unless you truly belong there, try not to go. But if you're, if you're like some sort of homicidal maniac, maybe you'll like it in there. You know what I mean? The rules are different for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst has already happened. I'm in jail. Might as well just have fun while I'm in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, generally I think the first season is regarded as very good, which it is, and it's short. It's like seven episodes or whatever. The second season starts off pretty good, but there's definitely a noticeable time where David Lynch is a lot more hands off with the series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and it starts to sort of go everywhere, um, like later on mid, midway and then later on into the season. Uh, but then he sort of comes back at the end and the last kind of episode and the way that it finishes off is fairly good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but listen, the first two seasons are just the beginning. You now have to watch the movie Fire Walk with me, which is like a kind of like a bridge between, uh, season two and then, uh, the most recent series that came out in 2017.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The 2017 series is amazing. It is the best show I've ever seen. Okay. Honestly, it's incredible. And it's, it's a, it's confusing. It doesn't, often doesn't make sense. I've watched it twice. Okay. All the way through there's like 20 episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and you, you just sort of form your own theories about how everything is and stuff, but oh man, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, I mean, it's, I think it's held up well, actually, at Twin Peaks, but it is, it is a little bit jivey, like, you know, like the fashion, of course. You can't help but notice it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of like, I mean, this is the first, really Twin Peaks was the first, um, uh, like drama series, you know, like, like we're so used to now binging through right on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was a long running series on TV, uh, well not long, it was like two seasons, but like there was enough episodes sort of thing, and there wasn't, at the time there wasn't really anything like it, you know, it was, it was like, it was like a, it was like a stretched out movie that was on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's, it's, it's meant to be, it's a story, it's a story about like a small weird town with a, with a, with a criminal element, like undercurrent sort of thing, right? But then, but then the larger series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean a lot of this stuff is filler that kind of goes nowhere, but it, it, it is, it's like relief in between like the meaty bits of the show, right? Like the, the really interesting parts of the show to me are when you, when they start dealing with like the, the, the black lodge and like the, the sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, you know, like the kind of like paranormal or like spiritual elements of it sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well the newer series focuses on that stuff a lot more, which is good. Because I think originally they had this sort of rough idea of what they wanted to do with it. They planned for the series to run on a lot longer than it did as well. So like the original series and then the second series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all feeds into this project blue book stuff and everything. It's all meant to tie into the United States government investigating UFO sightings and stuff like that. Like a lot of it, if you read the books, there's two books written by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The co-creator where it's kind of like FBI dossiers, like, you know, where like they've compiled more information based on stuff that you've seen in the series and stuff. And a lot of it is meant to link back into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These, these sort of like, uh, you know, like Indian burial grounds that are like, like spiritual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's meant to be, it's also meant to be left a little bit for you to interpret it how you like too. And this leads into some very, very, very, very deep rabbit holes on the internet where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, uhm, have analyzed and analyzed and analyzed the, all the movies, all of the shows, everything to do with David Lynch, to try to, to really discover the true meaning of it all. And there's still always grey areas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something that, you know, like I have control over it. Like as, as a person in the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so rare, you know? Normally everything is wrapped up nicely in a parcel and almost too much so, uh, depending what movie you're watching. Sometimes I like just being sort of like left out, uh, of the joke a little bit or, um, you know, like I went back and watched this, this series a second time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and, and I made an effort to go through it like with a fine tooth comb. I, I was like analyzing every bit of dialogue, you know, like I would rewatch scenes just to see if I missed something and stuff. And I kind of, I kind of pieced it together more so than I did just watching it the first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was really satisfied with it. Like I just found that such an amazing experience. I've never done that with another television show in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or just feeling away, like, and it doesn't even need to be like a tangible thing either. It just like, maybe it makes you feel uneasy or maybe it makes you feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a setting and a theme that like when I watch it, I just feel like I wish this would, I could watch this every day. I wish it would never end. Like I just, I, I, everything about it. It's great. I just, it's by far my, my, my most favorite sort of TV movie, everything. I just, it's just awesome. The whole thing is great. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the opposite, honestly. I think it's hard to do well. I think it's hard to do well. And I think David Lynch does it very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the best. Uh, I don't, I can't think of anything else that I've seen where I've, I've, I've sort of left thinking, okay, I don't really get this 100%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel maybe a little bit like, like Lewis said, left out or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, I agree with that, like generally I do agree with that, but in this context, you know, the little man who speaks backwards and stuff, uhm, you gotta remember that this series was designed to run a lot longer. Oh it was, yea it was. So there wasn't enough time for them to explain this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know they're gonna cancel that show. But again, he's not the type of guy who is just going to be cancelled and then wrap things up nicely. You know what I mean? He's like, he will just stay the course. If he's got this idea of what he wants to do, you'll get half of it or you get none of it or whatever. I don't think he's gonna compromise on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like risky, I guess, and well, a risk that got the show cancelled as well, because it was just too weird, you know, like the ratings dropped off, people couldn't follow, uhm, they basically had to change


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were never supposed to know what really happened to Laura Palmer. It was meant to be the point of the show was like, you get close to finding out and then it's not that or whatever. But in the end, because the ratings were so low, they were like, we need some sort of closure on this and they did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, me too. Wholeheartedly. 100%. If you haven't seen it, you need to get on it. It's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Bodega Book 2? Bodega Book 2, there's always room in my life for Bodega Book 2. What are you talking about? Uh, Flax, uh, before we end as well, because it's about that time, uhm, do we, any, we used to do Bodega updates, or have a Bodega or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good luck with the rest of the election. Watch devs. Watch devs. I think by the time we record the next Triforce, uhm, the winner will have been announced, but as it stands now, still no clear winner. Indeed. So good luck. This is Dan Rather signing off. Dan Rather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've done it. Just like every other major news network has been doing 24 seven since the third, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like now the fifth. They're still at it, still like interviewing. We, uh, we managed to get an exclusive interview with little Timmy to see what he thinks of all of this, uh, big, uh, big boy election, uh, Timmy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these ones are like bigger than, like we, you know, we've had builders before and so you get the occasional big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They never betrayed their body, so their body rewards them. Those of us who spent 20 years sitting in an office chair at a computer, you know, whether at home or at work, our body is thinking, one day my friends, one day I will have my revenge and you'll have to make this noise, when you pick anything up or this noise, when you get up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've definitely put on weight in lockdown. I've just been chilling and snacking and oh my god, I'm hoping that after lockdown I will lose this weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makes me have like a proper lunch. Like we've had fish finger sandwiches, we've had chicken burgers. I'll at least have a sandwich. Normally I will just have a banana or something like that. Literally. That'll do me. I'll have that at about 11, 11.30 and that'll do me. I might have a snack in the afternoon, but then that's it. That's me till dinner time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and that was good, but now I'm like, I'm having, sometimes Mrs. Ethel, she'll be like, I'm making poached eggs for breakfast. And I was like, yes, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, second breakfast is a thing in this house. Like, very much. We like that. We live in Hobbiton. Yes. We definitely dine as Hobbits. Tonight we dine!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goliath is similar, but the detective is an actual giant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, I'm not wrong, cause here's an example. You guys make TV shows that have like 117 episodes per series. Half of them are gonna be shite at least. Star Trek Next Generation didn't need to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half of the fucking schedule, half a year's worth of schedule with this and think about the reruns and they're like, yeah, that sounds great. We can stick that on on Thursdays. We've got a slot open there. It's much easier to just pump out mediocre stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was so refreshed by his style of streaming because it was like, like I like to think of myself as not being the kind of person who's like, don't forget to like and subscribe. Oh, thanks for the bits and all that kind of stuff. Like I generally don't sort of do that so much. He takes that to the next level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, oh, apparently I was raided. Whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it wasn't, it wasn't even knowing. He literally doesn't care. Like the dude just did not care. It wasn't an act, he just said apparently I'd been raided. Sigh, whatever. I was like, wow. Oh, you may hear some drilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's also interesting is the music that these lads listen to is not what you'd expect. It's a bit like, they've got a classical music station, but for sort of easy listening jazz, that's their go-to channel. Like it's not, it's not what you would expect. It sounds a bit like, it's very elevated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would expect that or Kiss, Kiss FM, very popular. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything with banging tunes. I remember when we were having the work done on the house, we were having the kitchen done. The lads, they got, I don't know where they get it, but all the builders that I've ever had working for extended periods come with a special rugged radio. It's like a radio in a roll cage. It looks like a roll cage for like an off road vehicle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A radio, you know, you can get a little shitty radio, no problem. But they've got this, it looks like they want to use it as well to like prop up a foundation or something, just in case. This thing is huge. And they would have that on, and there was a channel that, I don't know what channel they listened to, but they, if a real banger came on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it would be easy enough. Let's look at a thesaurus, right? Let's get our thesaurus up here. Let's bring it back. I reckon we're gonna be able to find out what the next hit words are gonna be. Right. So let's look at quality. Yeah. Cause people always generally like to have a word that's like quality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh mate, oh wait, no, quality, I need, I need a different value in status, okay. So, uh, these are all synonyms. Superbness. Oh mate, that is preeminence. Preeminence, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, anyway, you know the way sometimes that, that, if you wanna say something is good, you'll use the antonym for that, like, bad. That was the one in the 80s, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's bad. So I'm thinking- Michael Jackson. If something is really, really good, you could say, mate, that is normal, rather than exceptional. You could just say it's normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to get political because this is not a political podcast at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't care what side you're on. If you look at what Dominic Cummings did, it's infuriating because we've all, I think, I've generally not noticed that many people fucking around and not following the rules. And when we are told not to break the rules and we don't break the rules because we're being civically minded, I think that's laudable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's something to say, oh, what are you just giving up your freedom now to try not to spread a virus? Ooh, what's wrong with you? Well, Dominic Cummings didn't give a shit, did he? And he makes the whole thing look like a fucking joke. So that's what pisses me off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of course, that's what I'm saying, it's not political. And the fact that Emily Mattis, or Mattlis, whatever her name is, she started this news show on the BBC saying, uh, like it was a rundown of how pissed off everybody was and what happened and they're saying, oh, this broken partiality rules. I don't believe it did. I think that was a national sentiment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think the BBC as a national broadcaster should reflect that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you'll find many counterpoints. Michael Gove, who they wheeled out of his fucking shed somewhere to argue that it was alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In other news, uh, one of the things I've been doing in the afternoon, after I finish streaming, Mrs. F is working, she's in, she's in the, she's set up a little office in our, in our room, and uh, I'll lie on the bed, and, and if she's not busy, I'll chat to her, and keep her, keep her company. One of the things I like to do is put shit telly on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it really did take a big downswing. Lewis, uhm, I just wanted to say, you know I do respect you greatly as a person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, she has to do this and they're always calling her a boss. Exactly. You know, it's tedious job sometimes. She's got to wait for some data process or she's doing something mind numbing and she's just in there on her own. So I go in there in the afternoon, we'll hang out and we'll chat and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I put the, normally put the telly on. She loves location, location, location, for example. Great show. I love Kirstie also on that, so I'm happy to watch. And we're sort of chilling out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's daytime, you're meant to be an old person if you watch some telly during the daytime. So the ads are always very specific. Shoes, chairs, mattresses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, yeaah, it does wonders. Here are the adverts. You tell me whether you would want to buy this, okay? Alright. This is a pair of shoes. You can buy them as a pair. Me and Mrs. F of course said we have to get matching pairs of shoes. They've got a special curved sole. They're huge. Do you remember that old meme video?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A police officer in that had these massive clumping shoes. They're literally, they look like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in the advert, they always have middle-aged or younger people walk around wearing them saying, hey, you can feel like me if you wear these shoes. But they're obviously for old people whose, whose feet are so fucked up at the, in their seventies that they have to have massive comfort shoes. And now let's say the after they've been for a walk, now they want to sit down. Well, you can't just sit on any old chair. You need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The egg seat. Which is a seat that is like this rubber cushion that you put on a seat and you could put an egg on there and sit on the egg and the egg won't crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got you. Now we're just talking about Calgon. We should get some money out of the Calgon guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played car mechanic simulator 2018. I actually did. I played it for like 6 hours straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only problem is I found, I felt like eventually it did get quite repetitive and the car didn't have enough bits that were interesting enough to fix. Like a lot of the time you literally just look for the rusty bit, take it off. There wasn't really much analysis and sort of like, what's the problem here? It wasn't like puzzle enough. It was more just time passing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Because I played Landlord Super, uhm, I played that, which was, it was fun. I haven't gotten around to that yet. Very much, very evocative of 80s shit Britain. It's quite simple at the moment, but it was fun. Building the house, it is, it is a challenging game. Like, it is gonna test your patience at times, but it was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I washed a lot of dishes. You wash dishes, you get four quid an hour for washing dishes. No way. Yeah. But yeah, so then you come, you have to buy bricks and tools and I fucked up my foundations so that the concrete I poured was like the weakest concrete possible. Oh no. I don't know how to mix concrete, unfortunately. So yeah, that was a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For Dota, uhm, there's no TI this year, it's been canned because of the correct words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's really good, it's a really good battle pass, so I've been playing a lot of Dotes because of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' massive. Two TIs worth of prize pools. Uhm, in one. So I assume that the following year will be the first year that the prize pool is actually lower than it was the year before. So that's gonna be newsworthy, but with an asterisk, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, the core of the whole MILF thing is essentially, I guess, kind of sexist because the implication is, oh my goodness, it's an attractive middle-aged woman, as if that's like surprising. Um, now I understand that the whole, the whole gilf thing, like a grandmother I'd like to fuck is, I think that's more of a fetish because it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some deep sea psychological thing, uh, going on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the whole thing with MILFS is, I think unless you are, uh, uh, 18, 19 year old, early twenties,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're our age and you're referring to women as a MILF,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kind of ridiculous because what you're really saying is that you would like, it's surprising that a middle-aged man wants to have sex with a middle-aged woman when it isn't. But I guess it is still kind of surprising that a young man would want to have sex with a much older woman. I suppose. Whether that's society's hangup or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do say Hot Mums. I like the term Hot Mums, I think it's slightly more endearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think the interesting thing is the counterpoint to all of this is, and I'm gonna say lads, it's a three word phrase, wet ass pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wet ass pussy. Have you, you've heard of the Fuhrer about Cardi B and uh, what's her name? Megan V. Stallion?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so this song came out. Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion brought out this song called WAP, W-A-P, and the song is about wet ass pussy. And their pussy's, you know, it's so wet and such a, such good pussy that, uh, the song is about how these fellas are gonna do pretty much anything to get with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my favorite lines is, in other words, you're gonna bust a nut in this wet ass pussy, right? You're not gonna be able to help yourself. She's really selling her pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's a, it sounds like a fantastic product. Now, Ben Shapiro, that little twat that does, uh, sort of, um, a podcast of his own, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he, he read the lyrics to this in a very, he was very unhappy with wet ass pussy. Uhm, and he said that his wife, who's a doctor, uh, feels that this is clearly some kind of medical condition, which I think is just a little hilarious. Like a bacteria.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which means that Ben Shapiro is like, yeah, but Ben Shapiro is like, honey, these women are singing about having a wet pussy. And she's either deluded or she's like, oh yeah, that's a medical condition, Ben. You know what I mean? Like she's trying to let him down easy. Um, but yeah, it's, it's so funny. So because of his...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am a big fan of, uh, Nicki Minaj and Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion for the precise reason that they're extremely hypersexualized and their songs don't give a fuck about what you think. They're just gonna sing about wet ass pussy, which I think is hilarious. I was smiling the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you find it, uh, do you find it uncomfortable because it seems like smutty and dirty? Like looking at someone else's striptease that they've paid for, like you're looking through a keyhole at someone else's striptease?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if it was live, it would be a little uncomfortable. But at the same time, I'm a big fan of looking at beautiful women shaking their butts, so I just think this is fucking great. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'll be the funerals of the future. Now get down. Do you think, you know, you know that, uh, that video of the, the guys, is it Ghana where they did the, the, the, the, the coffin carriers and they do that dance? Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think that the equivalent from what you're talking about would be that it is carried upon the butts of twerking women to the grave and then lowered in to the, to the, a sombre rendition of wet ash. I'm sure there's plenty of dirty old guys who'd love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm watching some gifs, there's, it seems very gratuitous. Yeah, a little bit. Uh, there's lots of, she's looking out a window, and she's sort of hanging down, looking out the window, and you're looking right down at top, and then she turns around to get something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, the song Wet Ass Pussy is empowering because these women made it, they wrote the song, they performed the video, they're gonna make money from it, it's their thing. Sure. If you have a bunch of dudes making a video game and they put a female character in and they're just like, let's just have her bend over some more and pick up some stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if you wanna do, if you wanna do the empowering, if you wanna do it, go for it. But I feel like if, uh, if you, I mean here's the thing, maybe some girls really like being booth babes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, it's a dark road. Shout out to a guy on Twitter by the way, Pete, who has kept me and I think Sips in the loop with everything that, uh, Liz Hurley's done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were looking into it because of, uhm, I remember you said to me that I should look into getting some, uhm, AC. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The office here in the, in the loft conversion, as I said before, it gets very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very rough. It's rough. I remember my dad, I was talking to him yesterday actually, and he was saying he came over to England a few years ago, uh, to see us, and he stayed in a hotel that had no fan, like not even a fan, and it was like this kind of heat. And, uh, I mean if you, especially if you're coming from the States, it's incomprehensible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But, I mean, this is how most people live, isn't it? You just get on with it. I just sleep with just a sheet or nothing and just lie on my bed in sweat and eventually you go to sleep and you wake up a little dehydrated, but you know, you get by. It's alright. Just make sure you're properly tied when you go to bed. That seems to help a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just look like a dick. That's the problem. Cause you either look like this is your first time at a wedding and you're eight years old and you go, oh, you've got a little bow tie. Or uhm, alright, so Lewis has just posted a picture of George Clooney wearing a bow tie. That's cheating a little bit, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so it has to be joy. It can't, it's not like the Russian blyat, which can mean a bunch of different things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let me get this straight, you're watching other people stream talk of when I've been streaming it for nearly two weeks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I would never play any of those board games and any miniatures battle and anything like that against people I didn't know. In a serious context, yea. Because most people that do play those things are awful people. It really does change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my favourite thing is only two of those four. That's a problem. Which were the two? What were the two? No one's gonna pay me for it and the world doesn't need it. It's masturbation. Nobody is gonna pay me for that and the world doesn't need it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that like their equivalent of saying cheese when you take a picture or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Do you suppose that living on, as they do, a small island or series of islands, sorry, uhm, and having such a large population that this kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very etiquette heavy language and society really is the result of we've all gotta get along and have words to make sure that we show respect or we're all just gonna fucking kill each other. Like do you think that's, that's where that's come from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think the respect for one's elders things, I think a lot of that comes from, I'm ignorant as sin about all this stuff, but isn't it like Shinto has a big belief in ancestors and stuff like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, bear in mind, people in Japan have lived longer lives, like they've had longer lifespans for quite a while. So I guess culturally you've got more older people. I know that there is an awful lot of older people in Japan right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, cause you know, it's not like they're clustered in very large cities in Japan, cause I guess a lot of it is quite mountainous, like you couldn't really spread out in Japan, it's quite a mountainous country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although I did watch one, it might have been Korean actually, where they have, uhm, these, uh, pop stars, you know the way they have, they have a lot of female pop groups in, in Korea. It's like a big J-pop, K-pop. Yeah, idol, idol groups. Right. And a toaster pops toast up and they have to catch it in their mouth when the toast pops up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they have their face over the toshion, have to try and catch it in their teeth when it pops. They obviously don't know when it's gonna pop, so they put it on the timer and they go ch-ch-ch, and they have to try and catch it. And the bread hits them in the face a lot of the time, and they'll do an ultra slow-mo with it, with like, Santa Fe, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I wonder if that's because of the etiquette and the politeness. It's entertaining to break that down and have these kind of clowny, jokey, uhm, presenters who make fun of people when that's the opposite of how you are in day-to-day life. I wonder if that's part of the reason it's so popular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's one called AK Bingo and you have a disgusting looking insect in a tube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have girls on either side of the tube and they're blowing the insect away from them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So would you describe the place as having wabi-sabi or is it more of a feeling? I think it's this sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, it would be hard to translate and the meaning of it, you know, it would be multifaceted and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, English is a very descriptive language. If we need to describe something, we can, you know, we've got a ton of words to describe things, lots of words that have the same meaning in slightly different contexts and stuff like that. There are some words that we must have some words that are just kind of like, oh, it's kind of hard to explain what that means. And I'm just trying to think what they might be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the 20th of January 1754, very specific, in a letter he wrote to his friend Horace Mann, Walpole explained an unexpected discovery he made about a lost painting


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, they're hovering over a pit of eels. And if they get one wrong, they have to eat the eels and they're dropped in them. And then, uh, someone poos on them. There we go. That's how you make it a proper game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but again, you're using another new word, bling, uhm, to sort of, uh, explain another new word. So yeah, it's a tricky one. I mean, if you bl- you know, add some bling on there, I mean, I've, uh, you know, people bling everything. Even vaginas get blinged up apparently, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some wet ass pussies with bling. That's how, that's the most bling pussy that you could get. Holy fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also not being funny, but there's nothing to her. Like, what are you, what are you showing me? It's like, there's nothing there. Is she showing me her lack of a cool butt? It was disappointing. And she has a tongue like a snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this, is this Leanne Le Harvis doing her cover of uhm, gosh what song was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, which is god awful. But it's not their song. It's not their song. Here is a good cover for you. Leanne La Harvest doing a cover of a Radiohead song called Weird Fishes, which wasn't a really, well it was an okay Radiohead song. Her version is absolutely phenomenal. Better than the original, incredible. That and it is a completely different


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's similar in parts to the original, but she's put her own spin on it and it is absolutely wonderful. That's a cover. Is you take a song and it's like an homage to it, but it's not just trying to reproduce it like this godawful puddle of mud thing. Dreadful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mrs. F was listening to Spotify the other day. She, uh, when she's working from home, she sticks Spotify on in the, uh, in the living room there. And, um, and that was on and I was like, what? It's like, this wasn't, this wasn't, this was a cover? And she was like, yeah, that blew my mind as well. I was like, good God. Sorry, what was the song? What was the song again? Dancing in the Moonlight. We were just talking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very good. It's very good. If you're listening to this podcast, go and listen to it. It's an excellent cover. Her vocals are amazing as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's actually, I actually don't mind Lil Dicky so much. He's kinda funny, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when people put the album on by, uh, what's that band? Jack Black and Kyle Gass. What's that song? They do like that. Tenacious D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what the biggest problem is? It's a single punchline stretched out over three and a half minutes. That's a problem with all these comedy songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like essentially it's got one funny element. And that's it. And it's just boring. Fucking boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people listen to music that way. A lot of people put music on to filter out other things or they find it helps them concentrate. For me, and I'm sure there are other people out there, it is completely the opposite. If music is playing, I can't do anything else. I am listening to music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you have to let it in. Like, that's the thing, with background-y, like, you know, yea, there probably is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's by Ellis Regina and Antonio Carlos Jobim. It's the Ellis and Tom album. It's Aguas de Marco. It's a beautiful song. It's very, very famous in Brazil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, she sad, very sadly, Ellis Regina died very young of a drug overdose, um, which adds another layer of sadness to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he did, he did. Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell. I always forget their names. So Tammy Terrell, like, if you watch, there's like a very early music video of this where they're just singing to each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Marvin Gaye adored Tammy Terrell and she was fantastic. She was a wonderful singer and just brilliant. And she also died tragically young and it broke Marvin Gaye's heart. So listening to that song with that in the back of my mind, that always gets me choked up as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, cause it's such a beautiful song and it's so wonderful, the performances, and then knowing the tragedy behind it. Same with the Brazilian song as well. I feel like a song that has a background to it that is itself heartbreaking, makes it sadder. And also they're just fucking good songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, a lot of her stuff is very sad because, no, it is, it's true. I mean, the thing is, if you're separating the song from the story behind it, and just listening to it on its own, maybe it's not sad, but songs that aren't sad songs become sad because of the story behind them when you know them. It's a bit like expanding the story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, but that's what I'm saying. I think some people want to put background music on because music is very powerful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think a lot of the time if you just want to put background noise on, I think not engaging with it is at times healthy mentally. Because I do it all the time where I just put music on and do nothing else. And it gets me in such a state sometimes that it sort of, uh, leads to some, some pretty bad panic attacks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entire club cried and everyone applauded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now Chris Lovis will give a reading, uh, from the Bible. And you take the Bible up, but you've got the lyrics tucked in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, talking about dildos, talking about dildos, it occurs to me that whoever marketed the dildo has done an amazing job because it's, it's like women and dildos is not seen as like a creepy weird thing, whereas a dude with one of those vibrating vaginas that used to be able to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That dude, or a fleshlight, that dude's like a creepy neckband Cheeto does that. Or a dildo, maybe a dildo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know a few people who would be interested in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a heterosexual man. Obviously, the people looking at men's feet are probably gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, like, to me, if you look at, there's pretty much every single part of a woman that I would say, yeah, I really like that. Yeah, sometimes you see like some big hips who are just like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very dependent. It's individual dependent. I would also say if you're looking at a woman that's gorgeous, pretty much every part of her is also by extension therefore gorgeous. It's leaking out of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It produces beauty all over them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you don't have to see the rest as well. You know what I never like? You know, can I confess something guys? I look at porn from time to time. Alright, I'm happy to say that. I'm sure we've spoken about that before. I'll be honest with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is, I look forward to the conversation, when I can say, so you wait until I was dead, and then you decided to tell me I shouldn't have done that. Bullshit, there's nothing in the bible about porn just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, back to my original point. One thing I don't like in porn is when you're shown body parts, regardless of what they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without the context of seeing the person they're attached to. I don't like that. Right. I can't fetishise a body part. It needs to be part of a complete person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but my thing is I'm saying that this isn't a self-isolation. This isn't like people have collectively decided.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I disagree. I don't think it's human nature. I actually think society has changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the triforce podcast is an exemplary sort of idea to hold up. No, I wouldn't say so. Be like us lads, talk about dildos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not very good. I find a lot of these films, like, uh, I don't like when it's trying so hard to be a fruit loop of a film. It's like, hey, this will throw you for six, look at this crazy thing happening now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just weird scenes and you think, did you just like put a bunch of scene ideas in a fucking hat and then draw them out and just stick them in order and that's a movie. It annoys me. It annoys me. And I just, what the fuck is wrong with, there's so many modern films that are like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just pointless shit and just boring conversations where nothing fucking happens. It's film masturbation. It pisses me off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me give you a list of some of the characters you'll get in these films. This is how you know you're in one of these films. The main character is an unbelievably ineffectual shy person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And most of the film hinges on them being unable to say something because they're shy. That's the hitch for the movie. Is that you think, why don't you just tell them X and he's just like, uh, uh, uh, uh, just can't say, can't speak, can't say anything. So guys, if you're hanging a film off this,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brilliant film, right? So he wrote a book called On Directing Film and it's basically a series of lectures that he sort of transcribed in some, some essays about writing film and he complains about what this was happening in the 90s, modern American cinema and the way directors are making films.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. They're not made for audiences. They're not made for audiences. And that pisses me off. Because, for instance, Christopher Nolan, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let's look at Christopher Nolan, who's probably one of the most successful sort of style directors at the moment. You know it's a Nolan film when you're watching one of his films, okay? So, I like his stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw Tenet, it was okay, I think it was one of his weakest to be honest with you, but like if you watch Prestige, that's a fucking great movie. I really liked Inception, I really liked Interstellar, these are really good films, right? Uh, they're very long, they're very long, but they tell a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're thinking of the audience, but there is one thing that he does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is the fucking audio mixers on his films where he racks them up to like 11 and puts the dialogue in with all the sound effects is so loud you can't understand what they're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Downstairs, we watch a movie with the kids, and you have, one of you have to have the remote control at all times. Because when people are talking, you have to turn it up, and when there's any kind of action, you've got to turn it way down, or it literally blasts out the fucking speakers. So, your TV, like modern smart TVs, have this like dynamic range thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where it thinks it's clever, and it's like, oh, you need it loud for this bit? Okay, we'll fucking turn it way up. And the TV's just not smart enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the DVD or the Blu-ray or the streaming service you're watching it on sometimes also isn't smart enough with their mix. So the TV's trying to compensate and your soundbar's trying to do shit so the audio gets all fucked up. I think this came about because everybody thought that everybody with these soundbars and everything now it's about this home cinema experience. How many fucking people genuinely have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A home cinema, set up, with like, false around sound, no neighbors to worry about, and have everything racked up to 11. Very few people. I have, I, there's one of my friends lives like that, and I felt so bad for his neighbors, and he literally had fucking 10 speakers secreted around this room, and when you watch a film,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're delighted to be associated with this podcast with all the talk of poops. If you wanna Google that stuff safely, get on ExpressVPN right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How can I, how can I get on board this ExpressVPN train and also support the Triforce podcast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, but I'm trying to establish something here. Are you telling me that there is a point where it is not okay to take a shit at someone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't know who would be offended by that. I would love to see the comments on this on Reddit. If you've listened to this podcast, you've ever pooed at someone else's house, have you felt overwhelming guilt? And if you own a toilet and someone else used it, oh my god, how upset would you be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, but I, so if somebody went to the toilet in my house, and they were gone for a while, I would just think, oh they probably needed to take a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't think- I mean, this is the thing, but you guys are thinking, you're putting your prejudices in other people's minds by saying, oh, they'd be thinking, oh my god, they're taking a shit at my house. Who thinks that? It's a toilet!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're saving up a shit and thinking I'll do a shit at Sipsis House, fair enough, but how are you to know that person's mind? Well, you never suddenly need a shit. You never think, oh gosh, I need to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but then, again, but then you're saying this person has to be a specific unpleasant person. If you say I don't want THAT person shitting in my house, that's different. You're literally just blanking the statement, no shitting in my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is the ultimate fucking poop straw man. This is a poop man you've built here. You've constructed an entire character that no one, no one could honestly say that that isn't weird. Yes, a guy specifically coming to your house to poop, of course that's weird. Who does that? But maybe he knows!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me this weakens your case, because what you're saying is that society should not have moved on from the 1920s. I don't even think women could vote in the 1920s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever tried pooping on an airplane toilet? It's really hard. For some reason I can't do it. Sometimes I really need to go. I don't know if it's the pressure. I don't know if it's my fear of turbulence. I don't know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What other rings would have been different if Aragorn's sword was just a giant dildo that had been broken by Sauron years ago in battle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, the dildo of Elendir or whatever the fuck it was called. Rubber. It's just a dildo in bits. They're just made of rubber. And the elves reforge the great dildo and Aragorn goes into battle with it. Change it. Somebody do that. Edit it so he's waving a giant dildo around. I'd love to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, here's the thing, you can't be that choosy. If you're letting someone put their dick up your butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How can you then be choosy about a root vegetable? Dicks are filthy. They're teeming with bacteria. They're fucking gross. Speak for yourself, P-Flax! They're disgusting. Do you know how many bacteria there are on the average Johnson? I bet it's a hell of a lot. And you're telling me that you're turning your nose up, or your butt up, at a carrot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying, oh no, Karen, cock for me, please. Cocks are filthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but I'm saying I don't put stuff up my butt, but if I was, I would be less choosy. Right. I wouldn't be thinking, well, this isn't very hygienic, is it? Neither's a dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really wanna, with my current fragile mental state, I don't think watching some recreation of horror is a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like Star Trek The Next Generation, it was like that. It was like we're gonna, this is like Star Trek The Next Generation, we're putting this diverse crew into space, this is like a great moment, and then that happened, it was terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whales is the pig's face and there's a dude riding it. I'm not even kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As in they, they, my eldest figured it out a long time ago. I remember I told you guys about the, uh, the tooth fairy incident where there was a series of letters being exchanged and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my youngest still believed in Santa until very recently, and then I think they figured it out when they asked my wife for something, didn't put it in the Santa letter, and it still magically turned up on Christmas day, ostensibly from Santa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, spoiler alert for any young people listening to this, uh, Santa isn't real, but they, they've sort of figured it out now, and the Tooth Fairy as well. So it's kind of a little bit of magic from their youth as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to know what is the oldest that someone's been, like, confirmed, scientifically confirmed, and still believing in Santa. I mean, people believe in all kinds of shit. I just wonder if anybody out there, if they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, believe it or not, I was 17 when I finally realized Santa wasn't real. You know, I've just, well, there must be some innocents out there who just believe everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been pushing my kids to believe in the Babadook. I'm telling them that's real. I don't even know what it is, I just know it's a horror movie. So I've replaced Santa with the Babadook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a friend of mine, a friend of mine that lived in South Africa had a home invasion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were home evaders. I mean, for one thing, they have, uh, sort of cages around the bedroom area. So that corridor leading to the bedrooms will have a big steel door that you lock at night so that if people do get in, they'll take all the stuff downstairs, but they won't be able to get to you upstairs. I think they might. Yeah, like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for the whole bedroom part of the house. So they had some people around to do some work during the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, as they're there, my friend hears them. He used to be in the military in South Africa. He comes downstairs with his gun, and they all leg it. And he steps out onto the front porch, and they're all just there, like three or four guys. And he points his gun, he says, hold still so I can shoot you. And that put the wind up him, and they legged him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause that is a pretty terrifying thing to say to someone. Okay, just, why don't you just hold there so I can shoot you and they all just took to the hills and legged it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, but the key is that we don't, we don't consider a human life less valuable than property. That, that's the key.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, defensive property and taking a life in defensive property is not a thing in this country. No. It's just not. No. Whereas in, say, I think Texas and a bunch of other places in America, if someone's trying to steal your TV, you can shoot them dead. And it's like, I was defending my property. Now, to me, that television is worth less definitively and objectively and in every other way than a human life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Mildred is an old lady. Just a wild guess. Mildred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same, same. I mean, and ours are like, because when you, when you have fire alarms fitted now, they're hardwired, they have to be hardwired so they don't ever run out of battery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, which is obviously, you know, a lot of big problem is people smoke while I'm running out of battery. Well, do you get the warning?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but here's the problem. Some people, when the warning beeps start happening, just take the battery out and put it to one side and be like, ah, we'll get that. So the fact is that by having them hard-wired onto the house power, you've got permanent sort of safety.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the Trump administration announced that it plans to give Kodak a $765 million loan for manufacturing ingredients used in pharmaceuticals in order to rebuild the national stockpile depleted by the COVID-19 pandemic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I guess they make this particular chemical that they need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, get a VPN baby. It's the equivalent to a metal door outside your bedroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I watched a video about this guy who's developed a hack. He can walk around with his laptop. He runs this program and this little bit of hardware. He can take control of any iPhones within Wi-Fi range of his laptop. I thought it was pretty scary. And it just made me realize.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he's a white hat hacker, not a, not a bad guy hacker. So he's, he's one of those guys who's like, hey, look at this fascinating security flaw you should definitely fix. You know, it's like, there's a, there's a whole bunch of people out there


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whose entire job is finding, uh, finding problems with code because it's, life is so complex. And on top of that, life being complex, computers are also very complex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the people that put them together, nope. The people that put them together often make mistakes and leave holes. Uh, and I just thought it was quite interesting that this, this guy found this exploit. And it's just, thank goodness one of the good guys found it. You know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My question is, if someone emails me and they ask a question and I give an answer and they say thank you, do I have to email back, you're welcome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At what point does, is it acceptable for me to just say this conversation is over?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, first of all, it's not like the servers that handle emails are idle and no power is consumed. Unless an email comes down and suddenly there's a huge spike. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. Email! Email! No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, how many flights compared to how many cars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, if you compare the cost of unwanted letters, think about they've got to be printed, then they end up in landfill or recycled, they've got to go through that whole fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I read a thing about flights saying that, I mean, for one thing, I think it's 1% of people are responsible for almost all of these fucking flights. Most people take one flight, maybe two a year, tops. And people are always having a go at people, holidaymakers are taking one flight. You get these business people flying fucking everywhere for these meetings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the problem is articles like this turn people off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the climate change thing and the flights, that was actually a thing. They had a big conference and the first speaker pointed out that all these people had actually flown to this conference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That beard hair enters the environment. There is beard hair in 99% of living creatures on the earth right now. It never dissolves. The beard hair is stuck inside a shrimp at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I got a question for you, Sipsy, before we go. On Monday, you and me are doing stocking stuffers, which sounds dirty. It's you and me from 11 till 2. What are we doing? What do you wanna do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright, we're playing Pr- Hey! Here's a hot idea, let's play some Prison Architect, because that's in the bundle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a multiplayer stuff, I've been doing that with the lads that I would have previously played like Hearts of Iron or Dota or whatever with. It was really funny because each of us would kind of specialize in something like my, you know, my boy Munt just went down the intrigue tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he had a ridiculous amount of intrigue, and if we needed someone killed...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he'd kill the King of France, and then he'd come and kill Maillard, then he'd kill someone else, and by killing just the right people, he went from being Brittany and having one province to the entirety of West Francia. He was just now the leader of West Francia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, here's the one thing you need to understand about multiplayer Crusader Kings. If you have like five or six people playing and you save it and resume it at a later time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not continue the game without all of you there. Because the AI will come in and be like, why am I friends with this idiot? And just declare war on you. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My buddy Plague was like, he couldn't turn up, he was like an hour late or whatever, so he cracked on anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's these slightly above, heads slightly turned, looking kinda cutesy, and there'll be pictures and stuff like that, like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like they always take the most flattering picture of their house or where they are that's possible. So I think the issue is that you're presenting this perfect version of your life and yourself. Uh, that's why my Instagram is always me looking grumpy in a pretty basic place. Right. Like in front of a sock shop or something. Because that's real life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't wanna lie to people. Most of the time, you're not smiling and happy and looking perfect. Life is fundamentally pretty boring a lot of the time, so is that not worth sharing too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, yeaah, I think it's a very different audience from what we can imagine. Yeaah, I think that's safe. We all do streaming or YouTube and we understand, especially, specifically around gaming. So the games that we like to play and what we like to watch, I think we just kind of, obviously everybody puts their own spin on it, but essentially that's a world that we understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but surely to you it makes more sense, as it does to me, than someone following someone on TikTok who just says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like it pops up on my subscribe list, new video, I will watch it straight away. And I don't know why. It's just one of those things I really like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've actually got YouTube open right now. Do you wanna, do you wanna know my recommendations? Yeah. This is what it's recommending. Omar sells a shipment back to Prop Joe, so that's a clip from The Wire, because I watched a clip from The Wire yesterday, and now all it's recommending me is clips from The Wire. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Omar sells the shipment back to Prop Joe. 1.4 million views, it's just a click from the wire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A guy playing a strategy game called, I think it's called, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, something where Jamie Vardy is making front of Casper Schmeichel, which is a Sky Sports thing. Billy Joel's You're Only Human, which was in the most recent episode of The Boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a lot of the clips where he goes, uh, just, uh, just one more thing, sir, I almost forgot, uh, where did you get that gun? And the guy's like, oh, you got me, Columbo. You know, like, a load of those I've been watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the third one is thrillers, and I don't know what that is doing there. And then baseball, fair enough, I do watch a lot of baseball clips. Strategy video games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's one called Scenes. I don't know what Scenes. I think it must mean Scenes from films. I guess that means Scenes. Nice. And then there's Escape from Tarkov. World War II. Stanley Kubrick. Golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] History. Apple. Apple. I don't know if that means apple as in the company apple, or literally apples.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then basketball, I'm not even a basketball fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it says Super Bowl, because I've been watching NFL highlights which are uploaded to YouTube. The season started this week. This is really weird. Then fantasy football, no idea why that's there. I don't do fantasy football, I'm not interested in it. Then podcasts, I think because occasionally I check in to look at the comments on a Triforce episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then recently uploaded, those are my tags. So I've got a, there's a clip from, there's a clip from Frasier Crane's funny moments part one HD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or I've seen it before and I just forgot, like there are clips like, there's that bit in the wire where the entire scene, it's uh, McNulty and, ugh, what's the copper's name, I can't remember, they go to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I clicked one, loads of Christopher Hitchens things, because I watched a Christopher Hitchens compilation one time, so now all I get is Christopher Hitchens things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but it's not just about atheism, like he talks about, I think Christopher Hitchens was a very, very, very interesting guy, uh, very intelligent, very well read. Great speaker. Great speaker. Wonderful debater. Great character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean he had a really good way of cutting through, like I always felt like his arguments had an absolute moral core that was inarguable. Like you couldn't argue against him because it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he'd studied morality and philosophy so widely in history, his understanding of facts and figures and names and quotes and things was ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So someone says something and he pulls them up on it and they just don't have a response. I will say this, a lot of debates are very tedious because it's kind of one-sided. It's like watching someone just, it's like watching Real Madrid beat a pub team. It's like that'll be entertaining once, but if they keep doing it, it's just like, geez, you know, give it a rest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think you need to have a lot of experience in, in debating and arguing so that when your opponent says something,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't need to think and fumble around for an answer. He's already heard this argument before. Like, the more you debate, I think, especially a specific topic like he has, he spent a lot of time debating, uh, religion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean everybody, the number one comment you see in these is that this is missing from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, here's my problem. If we're gonna say that politicians have always been, and I think you're right, they've always been, you know, career politicians and they got into it for various reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The coverage around politics has changed more than politicians have changed. I think politicians are essentially at core the same. What's changed is how they present themselves publicly because a lot of people are looking for sort of gotcha interviews. There was a period where interviews with politicians were very dull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we had a few scandals and a few terrible interviews where the politician's career was ended.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When did our coverage of them change? What, what was it that meant that suddenly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also is the little details he puts in, like the crowd is organized, you have marbles of the same color as the marbles that are running in sort of groups, they're like cheering for their marble. Jenny's marble run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, I think the guy's called Report of the Week, and he does one where he starts it, he goes, welcome to Report of the Week, running on empty, food, review. That's how he introduces the video. This guy, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So he does, he just reviews fast food. That's it. So it's like Wendy's has brought out a new chicken burger and there he is and he's got the chicken burger and he talks for like 10 minutes about the burger and about his week and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, that's, uh, Mrs. F is a very determined eater. Like she's not a conversationist. To her, she wanna have a lovely, like, we go out for a meal. I'm a very slow eater. Ponderous almost. I take the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She'll be chatting, so you'll put her dinner and she's like, I'm starving. You're like, what's for dinner? You give her dinner and she's like, oh great, I'm so hungry. She takes one bite and then she's like, guess what happened today in school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean to me it's like a meal alone. I'll just get on with it. But I'll normally be watching TV or something like that. Like I'm on the sofa in front of the TV eater these days. I don't eat with the kids, it's disgusting. I don't want to eat anywhere near the kids. The table manners are revolting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, my youngest is there and we had, uhm, chicken and leek pie, uhm, with mashed potato for dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my youngest starts crying her eyes out. And now, here's the thing, my wife is a very calm person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very logical, very cool, very chill. You've met her, she's very cool. She's, she's not an overly emotional person. But she will go from fucking zero to a million miles an hour if the kids are pissing her off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she will eat your dessert if you fucking leave some pipeline. She's literally like boom. So I cannot stand when my kids cry about stupid shit like desserts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it always annoys me that they're crying their eyes out about a mouthful of tiramisu, and it makes me feel like they're the most privileged little shits, and I'm like, I have zero tolerance for that. So I'm like, alright, if you're gonna cry, go to your room and cry. Convinced dessert up there. Oh my god. It's just an escalation. She's nearly nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But my 11 year old, she was never like this. They're just very different. They're very different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, but yeaah, I'm trying to break her tolerance for crying about every little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you think about, think about this, when my kids go to, when it's bedtime, they go up to their room and they are unsupervised playing for like an hour, an hour and a half and it's like their actual complete free time for the day. Like imagine if your job involved getting up at seven in the morning, you're told what to do from that point


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you have to go to school and you're ferried from, from place to place and told what to do, when to eat. You have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom. You come home from school, you're told do your homework, tidy your room, you're given a list of shit to do. Again, you're under somebody else's rules. Finally, it's bedtime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, remember that essentially, especially when they're really little, they literally, their entire life revolves around spending time with their parents. They want to spend every single second. I mean, it's horrible to think of, but kids will even provoke an argument with their parents for the attention when they're very little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, believe me. I don't, I don't want comments telling me and Sips or that we're wrong or that actually this, actually that. If you've got kids...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you've agreed with any of this. Save the disagreements, because everybody does things differently. We're not bad parents, just because occasionally we don't want to be with our fucking kids. If you have kids, you'll understand the value of some free time. I just don't want to hear any fucking tips on parenting from a fucking 15 year old. Thank you very fucking much. Carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can definitely, you can definitely get to a point where they are nowhere near tied because you've done fuck all all day. That can be it's own problem. If you think you can tie them out, trust me, they have bottomless reserves of energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So isn't that the most tiring thing is standing in a shop waiting for someone else to finish choosing a fucking pair of shoes? Is there anything genuinely in life that seems longer or more tiring than that? There is not!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the worst, the worst thing is, it's not even as if my opinion is respected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So when my- when Mrs. F says which of these do you think is better, it's a classic trope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Namaste. Shit, I'm gonna have to get golf lessons in that case. Honestly, it's so much fun. It's so much fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll tell you why. I was very pleased, I told everybody. We're playing, we're on the driving range, which is like an outdoor, it's like a strip of astroturf, I described it last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was still waiting on that. Close to the back. So, I'm, I'm swinging the club and everything like that and at the start it's really stiff and awful and then he, he sort of helped me with the swing and he's like, do this, do this and by the end it's a really nice swing, like really straight and everything is looking really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, we're chatting afterwards and he says to me, he said to me the exact phrase, you looked like a golfer today. Right? Made me very, very, very pleased. The teacher liked my golf swing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, uh, did you ever see the senate hearings, I think they're called, where you get a bunch of senators out there and they like grill these tech guys about stuff. It's like senators failing to understand the internet, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know which side of the living room I'm on? That's all I wanna know. Now if I, if I got a cup of coffee and went upstairs, is the phone, do you know that I've got coffee upstairs? Uh, Senator, I don't think, uh, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah. Rithian told me that it's just, you just walk around a house saying, John Miller, are you there? Can anyone hear me? Like over and over and over again. And I thought, nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm actually gonna, my, my, personally I'm just gonna wait till it's finished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I tried streaming it on my old machine, it couldn't handle, the framerate was awful. It was just, my machine couldn't handle streaming it and playing it. And I thought, I don't really want to play a soft stream. But so when I got my new machine, smooth as a, as smooth as a gentle underwater current.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean the big CEOs have, I think once you've reached that point where you're huge, you've lost the impetus to innovate because it's not worth it. Yeah, it's just, it's all about making money and pleasing shareholders. Exactly. So it's like, we just need to make a buttload of money this year. How can we do that? Well, what's worked before and why take a risk?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's my question. So there's still a huge market for MMOs. If you look at games like Eve and WoW, there's still a large number of people playing them. Now what made those games successful and popular? Could easily work again?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a new broad large AAA MMO like wow, which appeals to a huge number of people, wide range of age groups and everything like that. Where's the next big MMO? Like why hasn't that- I know, what is it, Black Desert Online is reasonably popular, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People just stopped doing them. For a while, every studio was making an MMO.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wonder what changed that means that basically we haven't got a big new MMO. I mean, even WoW have been around for over a decade. People are still playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, didn't they try to do one for uh, Fallout? Wasn't that Fallout 76? Yeah, Fallout 76.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think the fact that some companies tried MMOs and fucked it up the wall is like, put all these other companies off, they're like, oh no, it doesn't look too nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The closest I've got is Tarkov, which gives me kind of an MMO vibe, in that I have a character, I grow skills, I have a hideout that I boost and there's quests and there's loot and you're fighting other players and AI and there's kind of bosses and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the closest, and I would genuinely like a new MMO to get stuck into. I've got a Discord full of people that if it was a good game and we all played it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, talking about MMOs, Richard Garriott, okay? So, I met, uh, a guy at Valve, this was three or four years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, Lord Britain. Yeah. So he built this castle. There would be this huge Halloween sort of party thing and he would invite these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like, I don't know, it could be a wide range of people, the people he knew, people that were like students or whatever, anybody that he would invite. And you came and it was like an adventure. And it had like pretty nutty production value. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my friend described this like kind of like a low budget film, so there would be people flying overhead on ziplines with wings, a sort of thing, like you, you had a quest that you had to do for Halloween, and I thought, that's fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I played, I played a complete change of topic. I played my first round of golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week on Sunday. And how did it go? You did nine holes? I did nine holes. Uh, it was easily the worst round of golf anyone has ever played. And I'll tell you why. I went down for my lesson and I thought my lesson was going to be me and my instructor


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I went down there and he's like, all right, let's get going. And I was like, okay. And so we went out there and it was just a standard lesson of us hitting the ball at the hole and him adjusting my swing for like 20 minutes. Then I was like, oh, and I got all my golf gear on and I have my clubs and I was like ready to play and I thought I was going to play. So I went back to the clubhouse and I spoke to the secretary and I said, look, is there anyone that's going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be bad at the game that I could do a round of golf with and we could just sort of learn together. And he was like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's bad. So introduce me to these two guys, and we're having a chat. One of them is like, in his 50s, he's an electrician, he's a big Northern Irish guy, and he was like, he was there drinking just pint after pint of lager, and I was like, okay. This is good, this is good, it's good stuff. The other guy is 16, he's incredible at golf, he's been playing for two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This other guy had been playing his whole life, and I was like, they said that it was gonna be like, new academy members, like, oh yeah, we only just joined the academy. I was like, right, I was kinda hoping it would be new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go to hit mine and it just rolls along the ground really fast. Like it just scuffed it on the ground. So ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. But it's vaguely in the right direction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they were just kind of standing there waiting and like, yeah, yeah, just get on with it sort of thing. And I was like, geez, I thought they knew what they were getting into. Like I literally said, this is my first round of golf. I've had a month of lessons. I'm going to be terrible. And they were like, oh yeah, don't know. No, fine. Don't worry about it. Two holes in they'd had enough. I was like, okay. So I, I, I just basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought, fuck this. I'd lost the ball. It had disappeared into some tree. I thought, fuck this. So I said, you go and finish it. No, you take six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. I'm driving home and I suddenly realise I've got like 8 missed calls from Mrs Anne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Mrs. F, I get home, she's like, are you ready to take our youngest to, to her drama club? I was like, oh, fuck. It was like 10 to five, starts at five, and I'd just forgotten. I'd just been literally the golf dad who's just out on the course, forgets about his family completely. So it was like double bad. I felt awful. So we quickly rushed to drama. We managed to get there in time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was just like a shit shit day, uhm, and for like three days afterwards, I was like really bummed out about how badly it had gone. I had all these visions of it going better and yeah, I'd fucking slice some shots, but I'd be able to hit the fucking ball. When I went to the drive range, I could hit it, like I was hitting it, but once you see all that grass, it's so, it's so intimidating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The course and all that grass and you see other people to the right and the left. At the driving range, the worst thing that happens if you mishit the shot is you just have to mishit a shot. Whereas here it's like now I have to go and hit that. Like it's in the fucking bushes and now I have to deal with that or it's gone onto someone else's fairway on another fucking hole so now I'm holding up someone else's game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just gonna go back to the driving range, uh, and hit some more balls and just try and get back into it. Maybe, maybe have some more lessons. Driving range is good, you should go do some mini-games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so much fun. It's amazing. It's got a computerized system that tracks exactly where your ball has gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is, the course was closed for like four days because of all this rain. Right. Uhm, and it's been so fucking windy and wet, I kinda thought, jeez, and also just, it's been quite busy this weekend. But I, I wanna go back to the, uh, the driving range and hit some more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figure it's either gonna make or break my, uh, my golf experience. It's like, if the next ten times I play, it's as bad as that, I'll probably quit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The interesting thing is, there are a few, there are a few things, like I've played a lot of Mafia, and there are a few things that people do in Among Us that are the exact same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is like a dead giveaway. The first one is that you will notice that people will in the in the voting period when you're discussing things if people suddenly ask some technical detail like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to appear as if they're involved in the discussion, but of course, when you're the imposter, you're not playing as a crewmate. You're not looking out for other people acting suspicious. You're just looking for opportunities to kill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they don't have an alibi, and because they don't keep their eye out in the same way that a regular crewmate does,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What they'll, what you'll find that they'll do is they'll raise some technical issue about the game. Right. They'll say things like, is it possible to get from so-and-so to blah-blah by vent? And someone will say, yeah, it is. And they'll go, okay, yeah, hmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or they'll say, well, which is the task that blah blah blah, or they'll say something like, uh, so we know that because one person died and we lynched someone, we're probably down to one imposter now, and people will say yes. It's all to make them seem as if they're part of the discussion, they're helping, they're moving things forward, but they're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that is a really good tell. That's a big one in Matthew. People in Matthew will say, should we kill someone, should we lynch someone tonight or not? What would be the right play? And they're kind of trying to deflect the conversation onto some overall meta discussion rather than talking about the fact that they were hiding out in electrical looking for a victim. Right, listen. That's a big one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very typical in Mafia games, if someone accuses someone of being a Mafia, they accuse them back. And it's like, it's very obviously not the play. Like, if you're accused, you should not immediately say, no, it's not me, it's them!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's like, alright, well what evidence do you have? Because he's got evidence. You're just saying it's him, it's not me. And that's almost always means that the person, if they just throw it right back at their accuser out of nowhere, that's normally a dead giveaway tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a fun game, like you said, I think it's, it's got, because it's got, and also kind of a meta builds up within the people that you play with. Like we played on Tuesday, um, with a bunch of the Yogs guys and it was very different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From when I play it with the guys on my Discord, like when I'm streaming it, it was a completely different meta game and the way everybody played was wildly different. It was bizarre. So yeaah, I think in that regard it's far more interesting than something like Fall Guys 6.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of need to actually be quite technically good at the game to be good at TTT, which is where I struggle. Like there's a lot of fiddly technical elements, and of course you have to out-shoot people. I mean, it's funnier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I just wanted to kind of sound like I'd been paying attention, so I just went, hm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're brushing the fucking teeth. At the moment this is a big one. I literally said to them, go brush your teeth. They're like, okay, we'll do it. An hour later I go down to the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go and I was like, you guys didn't brush your teeth, did you? No, we'll do it now. I was like, please actually do it. And they go into the bathroom. I still don't know if they bloody do it. I don't know if they go in there and have some kind of pact where they say, let's just wet the toothbrushes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you something, I, I spoke to a bunch of smokers about this and, uh, you just try and collect the whole set. Yes. Have you got emphysema yet? Yeah, there's emphysema. Well, oof, I'm really hoping for clogged arteries next week. You know, like they, they try and save up the set of cigarette cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a bunch of the kids in, uh, in my, my youngest's class, so she's eight, she's nearly nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the kids in her class, like, you know, similar kind of age, and, uh, they play Among Us. Like, they play it every evening. I don't let my daughter play it yet, but they play it, apparently just with each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was like, what if they're just playing with like randos on the internet? And I don't know if these parents out there know that that is, you just get into a lobby and it's just public and people just jump in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I've like, you know, told them all that on the WhatsApp group, but they don't fucking listen to me. They let their kids play whatever they want online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if there is a game out there with just 8 and 9 year old kids in, how bad is that game of Among Us? Like I wanna know just how bad is that game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's literally like the Dota in houses, but with Among Us. Cause I'm thinking, for a start, they have no voice chat. They only use the text box during the accusation time to discuss. They just use text.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, A, obviously people are just not spotting what's happening. B, how long are these tasks taking them? I bet some of the tasks...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've taken them a wee while. And also, like, are they doing things like stack kills? Are they, are they calling emergency meetings? Are, you know, are they, are they figuring out that if there's two people voting each other off, you don't just believe them both, you have to kill them both? Like, you know, are they believing each other just, and also, bear in mind that they're not fast at typing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my eldest has a phone, but she, she only talks to her, like her mates on WhatsApp. There's this huge WhatsApp group, and they do, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, she, you know, she, she takes herself to and from school. We gave her a little kid credit card thing that's like, we top it up with money. She, she can buy stuff in the shop and then everything, but we get a complete, like my missus have, she gets an email right away every time my oldest spends any money on her card. She's like, two slushies! I have words with her when she gets


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never, I never had access to shops at primary school because my mum, even up to my final year, walked me and my sister every day. It was like a mile there and back. She walked us every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, to school. And there were no shops. And for secondary school on the way in,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to start school before the shops opened. So it was only after school and there was no shops near the school. But if we walked out of our way to the other bus stop and caught a different bus back into the town centre, then we could go to the shop. And if I didn't have any money, sometimes a mate would give me some money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, going into the shop, I just remember the stop owner would be like, leaning on the counter, just watching us all like hawks. Yeah. Cause you get your kids as fucking magpies, they'll just take stuff. Oh yeah, but it was always sweets. Sweet, sweet, sweets. That's all we would buy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do they still do the thing where you have to call up? Cause this was pre-internet. I got stuck on Zelda, uh, late to the past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, I called up and spoke to a human being, got through straight away. I was like, uhm, I must have been about 12.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think back to stuff like that, and I remember as a kid, how embarrassing it must have been for my parents, but thinking back, they probably just had an absolute laugh. Like, I know stuff my kids have done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they've said or they've done and we'll just laugh about it because you just, you just know they're kids. But as a kid you imagine that adults are judging you so harshly, but they're really not. Like they're just, they're really not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was incredible, thinking back. I mean, I, I assume they just fucking knew the game inside out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a big problem with working from home, when there was people that were working from home, doing lockdown, didn't have anyone else around to sort of, uh, moderate their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basic empathy. If you can't look at another human and realize that the depths of you and the depths of them are equally deep, depths, deep, then, uh, you know, get your fucking sonder on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's uh, I guess people like to think of themselves, everybody likes to think of themselves as unique, right? I mean I know that consciousness existing, you know, you sort of live behind your eyes in this weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that just the general confusion of life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that we have this idea that everybody else has got their shit together and they don't. Nobody really does. Everybody's kind of muddling through trying to figure shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a lot of the time if, if someone does something that pushes them above the average, I think a lot of, a lot of the, the instinct is to think, ah, they're just so much better than me and, and, uh, and that's why. But a lot of the time people just manically overwork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Lewis, what is the emotion, if there is one? Go on. Sorry, first of all for interrupting you, like twice, I apologise for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but the other one is, uhm, for discovering that someone else was, say, as nervous or worried about something as you were, but didn't show it, and then when you realise that they were as worried, there's like a huge sense of relief that you weren't the only one who was worried or nervous. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a very long film, and you have a very brief cameo, but you don't get to watch the rest of the production. Like you just get to see a little slice of it, you have no idea how the film


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ends and you only have a vague idea of how it began and your role is a bit part. You're a walk-on extra that just walks through the back of the scene. Nobody's even going to notice you unless they pause or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was just a plot to drive up the sales of MineCamp. If you only have one book in the store, you know, it's gonna look great on the hotline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no point making an enemy for 10 hours. I never had to see this person again. So I'll just nod and smile and then put my headphones on and hope that's the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanna know what books he's fucking reading. Cause it's easy to read a shit book and think, well that was rubbish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually, I do read, but I don't read a lot of fiction. Um, I read quite a lot of sort of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either, uh, not biographies, but I tend to read books that are more based on facts and things like that. I find that investigative stuff quite interesting and things about history and stuff like that. Uhm, I do, I do read some fiction, but not a huge amount. But what I do find very boring actually is conversations.