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[Assistant] Then yea, that would be good. Alright guys, that's another episode of...


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about smuggling cocaine in hippo's asses.


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[Assistant] You savored, right? The board was fucking sick, actually.


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[Assistant] It worked so well on Durs. Like, cause you had a sniff in there. Like, I did? You have a sniff where you're like, yea you're like, and it really feels like you're crying.


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[Assistant] Let's hear it. Join the club!


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[Assistant] I thought it was gonna be, I thought it was gonna be Yerba Mate. Thought it was gonna be something there.


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[Assistant] Exactly, exactly. They're gonna need to put some gold bricks on the ground.


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[Assistant] Does it have like, does it, is it pineapple beer or something? Cause I've heard German jizz is like.


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[Assistant] Now Isaac has to go back, Isaac has to go to Germany and get you Mata and bring it back now.


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[Assistant] Fuck that mo- that show's gonna be about. It's just about her, like, like, coming up with the idea to have, like, the pink card. I know. And like, yeah.


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[Assistant] The Pam and Tommy. He and Pam and Tommy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was hard to tell. He wasn't really putting anything on either. He was just kinda doing Jay Leno.


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[Assistant] They don't, they don't fuck with you. Yeah, they don't really fuck with you either. They kind of like, but they are not fun to see. Like I used to do rope swings in the Delta all the time. Like just fucking.


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[Assistant] Yeah, those are fucking bad news bears. Those are bad.


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[Assistant] Yeah, encounters with, with creatures in the water. But Ders, you're in a great position because you can swim hella fast. So you could probably beat most of these creatures. He'll beat the, he'll beat the snakes.


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[Assistant] Did you see that guy race that snake? Like the rest of us are just like flopping around so scared.


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[Assistant] Like on the Ozarks, do they start on the Ozarks? Like are they there?


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[Assistant] Right, cause they're reptiles. They're reptilian. Oh yea, they like to chill on rocks and shit and get like sun tins and what not. They're Florida.


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[Assistant] I don't remember that. When was the fucking pandemic?


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[Assistant] Quastrophobic movie, I mean those- yeaah. Yeaah, that's fuckin' cool.


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[Assistant] I almost, dude, I almost did a movie with hippos, the fucking cocaine hippos with Pablo Escobar, and I was imagining that shit, and it was like fucking crazy. Cause look at it.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, the whole thing was that Pablo Escobar had a, like a zoo. And he had hippos that protected his estate. Wow. And those hippos are still supposedly out there.


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[Assistant] No, I'm just, alls I'm saying is I had the chance to visualize it and look at it and hippos would make a great creature feature. I'm just like, they're with you bro.


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[Assistant] From a cinematic perspective, hippos are scary as fuck if you play them how they are. That's what I'm saying. Creature feature? Yes, baby.


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[Assistant] Has there been a rhino, has there been a rhino creature? I never thought about that before. I never have worked on any movies that I did.


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[Assistant] Right. There we go. Now that's a great like direct line Blake. The bear needs our help. Fantastic direct line right there.


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[Assistant] There you go, that's a take, and that's a take.


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[Assistant] And that's a take, and I like it because you went all the way through. You know, it was a good job.


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[Assistant] Wow. Dude, that was a story of three, that was a story of three friends that were going to Medellin, okay? And then the hippos came in in the third act.


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[Assistant] I don't know, that's the first question I have, how many people, what's the dynamic that's gonna carry the story?


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[Assistant] The title and just the premise is great. I just, am I the addict that, that the bear takes? I don't know anything about the story, but I just want to know, am I the addict or am I the bear?


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[Assistant] I've read one really good one. I've read one really good one. Get ready to read two. Alright, I'm ready to read it.


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[Assistant] I didn't even get there, I know. I was just kinda like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. But this movie that I just watched everything everywhere all at once is fucking fantastic. You should go see it in the theater. You should go see it in the theater.


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[Assistant] They just call it massive talent now. I mean, yeah, listen to those two titles, Everything Everywhere All at Once and The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. That's insane.


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[Assistant] Of course, that's why we did it, I know, I know, I get it, I get it. Wait, do you?


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[Assistant] We just need a date. Just give us the date.


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[Assistant] But you could also spend like 10k, you could also spend like 20k I'm sure on some fucking special ass drums.


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[Assistant] We're on, we're on, uh, take backs and compliments and dead ringers and stuff, right? Wouldn't mind licking, licking his rim shot.


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[Assistant] Like a dead ringer, I said Keanu Reeves. I swear you were on that pod though.


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[Assistant] Yeah, this is a weird asterisk, man. Okay, fuck, Blake, Jesus, I don't know, I wanted to, no, I wanted to compliment both of you guys, and if I can't compliment both of you guys, I'm not gonna compliment-


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about Chico's


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[Assistant] I preach. Or do we want, or do we establish we want strangers? Sorry, yes.


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[Assistant] For some stuff. Yo, the Rose Bowl the other day, they had the, uhm, B-2 bomber flyover. Weeks and weeks ago. Weeks and weeks ago. Uh, that thing is fucking unreal. It's just-


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[Assistant] The Stellbomber is just like a black V wing with like no vertical wings on it or whatever that's called. It's, it's like a spaceship. It's like from another planet. It's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy.


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[Assistant] So that you can, or they can break the sound barrier.


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[Assistant] There's like college teams. Is it Smashball? Smashball, yea.


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[Assistant] So this is what paddle ball is. Paddle ball is what they would play in the winter at the country clubs.


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[Assistant] Are you talking about like squash? 9-11. Oh god.


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[Assistant] And there's a cage around it and you can hit the ball off the cage, but there's a tennis net. The paddles have like little holes in them all the way around.


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[Assistant] Golf has like the right set up where it's like, hey, we're gonna go golfing and drink and be out on like a beautiful thing. A disc golf course is like, hey, there's this weird park. If we bring a six pack, they've set up all these holes.


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[Assistant] Let's each go, 9-11 or 7-11. Or 3-11. I'll go first, 9-11. Or 3-11? 3-11. Or 9-11, 7-11, or 3-11 go.


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[Assistant] Uh, technically, but it wasn't like, uh, somebody's gun went off in their backpack, and a kid got shot. Oh really? It wasn't like a fucking...


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[Assistant] I'm reliving the matrix and fucking killing people that were mean to me. It was just like, whoops. Hey dude, your gun went off and shot a kid.


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[Assistant] We're older though. The kids, it's second nature. As soon as they feel like something's about to go down no matter what it is, phones come out and start recording if you're like under 30. Like if you hear people shouting, you just, you start rolling.


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[Assistant] I mean, the school shooting that happened, what, uh, several weeks ago where like they had kids filming it in the room and the guy rolled up to the door and was like, hey, it's the police. And then they were like, he was like, what's your badge number? And he's like,


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[Assistant] I got my badge right here, yo. Or something like that. Every kid was like,


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[Assistant] I don't know, is it their best movie? I mean, look, it's, to me, it's their most like- I don't know, cause Fargo's great. Fargo's amazing. Fargo was a game changer as far as like, tone in movies, right? The Big Lebowski is such a singular, like, what else is like it?


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[Assistant] It was like a big Christmas gift, I feel like. Parents were like...


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[Assistant] This is a thing that we're connecting on and you're like, I like two of these songs.


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[Assistant] Who was the star of it? Isn't somebody like, wasn't like Tom Hanks in an episode or something?


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[Assistant] Very 30 Rocky, so if that's your thing, it's super funny and the people on it fucking nail it.


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[Assistant] If you know the name of one show by the way now, you're winning. Cause if someone asks me what I'm watching, I'm watching a ton. I'm watching everything. And then you ask me what I'm watching and I have no idea.


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[Assistant] They gotta make something up, they gotta make something up, cause it's, what do, like, nobody's finishing these movies or shows.


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[Assistant] Exactly. But you believed Arnold. I don't, I, look, I like, I like watching Ryan Reynolds more than The Rock. Uhm, but those are two people that I never really...


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[Assistant] Believe are in danger because Ryan's always winking at the camera. So he never like really lets me in there and then the rock I just don't believe but Arnold when he's being held down in total recall because you're like he would just kick everyone's ass


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[Assistant] I'm gonna give flowers to the first Matrix, which I never really liked and I still don't love, but I watched it after I tried to get through the new Matrix and I have a whole new appreciation for it.


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[Assistant] That I didn't have before. So flowers to matrix one. www.whatismatrix.com.


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[Assistant] Yes. I love in movies when they explain things that happen in reality and then apply them to the rules of their world, which like validates it for the audience. That shit was cool. When he karate kicked at the end and then slowly swung his leg back like that, he hated it.


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[Assistant] John Goodman from Righteous. But that's a good question. Has the world gone crazy?


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[Assistant] Subscribe to it. Subscribe to Peacock. It's got all sorts of good stuff. Watch it and then you can cancel or continue. Hey, did you ever watch Girls 5 Eva, Blazer?


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[Assistant] I'm, uh, I'm this guy. Ba-dun, dun, dun, dun. We got the beat.


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[Assistant] Alright, would you then, since we're talking, uh, bukkake. Uh huh. Bu-cake. Bu-cake. Yeah, hot hot. We're talking bu-cake. Bu-cake.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


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[Assistant] Uh, who was the first person to do the r-r-r-row? Like what, where's that, who started that?


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[Assistant] What's crazy is the, it's the bum bum bum. It's not just like brr brr, it's the three and the long, like,


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[Assistant] Well, it got obnoxious, it became a punchline, and that's why we brought it back, I believe.


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[Assistant] There's no way I did that. There's no way I told you how to dress. You might have asked me, but like, there's no way you told me.


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[Assistant] If Michael B. Jordan came into a club with like his sleeves cut off, they'd be like, get in here. I actually do remember, this isn't a club, but this is a bar on the west side called Busby's, Busby's.


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[Assistant] No, but we can get there. Uh, I was there in line to watch like a Wisconsin game or whatever. Okay. And I'm standing like waiting to get in and there's a sign that says like, uhm,


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[Assistant] No hats, no flip flops, and something else. And all of a sudden this escalade pulls up, and I'm like 23, I'm out of college. And Matt Lionert, who's in college,


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[Assistant] Comes out of busbies with a hat on, with a tank top, with flip flops and then just gets in the escalator and drives off as a college child. And I was like, what the


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[Assistant] This was a year after the arguably the greatest game of all time where they played, uh, Texas.


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[Assistant] That was his look. You stole his look. From Ben from when I was a grip? Whoever your homie was who wore tank tops and he had the thing tied around the waist and he had like a grip truck and that was like your end. And he had a ponytail. That was your end game. You're like, I'm going to get a grip truck and live off of that. That was a legend.


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[Assistant] P90X? Ugh. Ka- We gotta post some of Kyle's P90X body.


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[Assistant] Big ups for working out bro, good job. Thank you so much. Why was the dude from Broken Lizard in the P90X videos?


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[Assistant] Yes, all what you just said. But I was like, isn't that the guy from Super Troopers who's just like, fucking thr-


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[Assistant] I mean, they, that, you know, that Ellis Island shit, they might have changed it. So do you think?


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[Assistant] Yes, that was a cult hit. I saw it in the theaters. That was, uh, did you really?


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[Assistant] Should we, let's give a couple flowers here, because the crazy thing that they were able to do with Super Troopers that almost no other movie can do is bring that sense of like camaraderie to the screen.


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[Assistant] The part where they're like slamming the, uhm, the syrup?


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[Assistant] That's not funny or cool at all, but when they were doing it, I was like, I love it. Cause they were like watching each other do it and they're like, chug it, chug it, chug it.


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[Assistant] If you're a pilot and you need to like, you're not flying but you're going somewhere and you sit kind of in the seat, right?


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[Assistant] Wait, they're saying puddle cruiser. Puddle cruiser? What the fu-


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[Assistant] I mean, one of our, our key grip, uhm,


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[Assistant] Oh, you're hilarious, right? Like, but he's behind the scenes, but he's as funny as you or funny or whatever, like, just a comedy machine. And we go, we gotta put you like in one scene. And we're just gonna give you, he's like, I don't really want to act. And we gave him one line.


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[Assistant] And then he goes, are you asking me? And we go, yeah. And he goes, it was, and we quoted, are you asking me forever?


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[Assistant] That's the touch he had. That family. Funny family. And then we had Kevin on as a police officer later. That's right.


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[Assistant] Do you remember this? Yea. And it totally worked even though the pants looked insane, but like. Yea.


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[Assistant] Yo, but there's another one where the guy who goes, I think it's the guy who's like, bear fucker. The guy who says bear fucker to, I believe, Eric Stollhounds, who has one weird leg, Blake, uh, who's fucking the bear.


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[Assistant] He is in a horror movie where they like go to some like weird Scandinavian island and then shit gets crazy. I just saw the trailer the other day and I was like, isn't that bear fucker guy?


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[Assistant] Well, dude, remember uhm- So they're going out onto different levels here.


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[Assistant] Two memories. Two memories. The woman's nipples.


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[Assistant] Ooh, I just watched it last night. It's the best television show ever.


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[Assistant] Inventing Anna from Shonda Rhimes on Netflix coming in February. February. Oh, okay, okay. It's the one I started filming before the pandemic. Uhm, it's finally coming out.


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[Assistant] I can't wait. It's gonna be fun. Uhm, I, it's gonna be fun trying not to be who we are.


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[Assistant] I'm going to take it and go, Hey, let's go Brandon.


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[Assistant] These two Arizona state guys were like getting chippy with each other and it was like going on way too long. We're like, they're almost fighting but not. And then some dare you some old like beer belly dad from Wisconsin who looked, who looked grizzled, right? Like a guy who you're like,


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[Assistant] I'm gonna fucking kick both of your asses, duh-duh-duh! Come on! Cut this shit out! Let's go Brandon!


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[Assistant] My 8 year old the other day, he started saying the like, uhm, to be honest. Like it was, if I'm being honest, everyone was saying, and then it became, to be honest, and my 8 year old says it, I'm like, this is fucking crazy.


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[Assistant] You would always say before a sentence, you'd say, if I'm being honest, da-da-da-da. It was the thing people were saying. And then they've shortened it to, to be honest. Honestly, who throws a shoe? It's all pointless and stupid.


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[Assistant] Right, like Gia, like how we always used to all say Gia.


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[Assistant] Our guy Lance Bangs is a homie of a homie, and my homie was one of the producers of it, uhm, my boy DJ Chris Holmes, uh, who just knows everybody in LA, and uhm, not exactly.


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[Assistant] His, one of his jobs was DJing before Paul McCartney shows. So like if you go see Paul McCartney, he's the guy doing like mash up of how of uhm, like Beatle songs that come together. Yeah. Wings, all that.


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[Assistant] I quit when they were like, we can't record in here, the acoustans aren't good, we gotta go, and I turned it off.


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[Assistant] What's the verdict on her after watching the documentary? Because obviously everyone always said she broke up the Beatles. What's the verdict?


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[Assistant] Are we still talking, are we still talking about the Beatles, Kyle?


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[Assistant] And is it true Ringo's first solo album outsold Paul McCartney's first solo album, I think? Something like that? Where you're like, huh?


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[Assistant] He's the, yeah, he's the guy who's about the business. He's the guy who churns out like the hits that are catchy that you're like, oh my God, this is such a good song. And then John is the guy who's like, actually my song is about more. Sure. And it's still good. And it's got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Uuuh, a few, a few months ago.


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[Assistant] Okay, cool. They uhm, they just basically got together a bunch of people who they knew to be in it and it was like, oh fuck, I'm down, George Harrison, this song, it's a fucking good song. Yeah. Uhm, I got to kick it with the three Debra's.


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[Assistant] What up? Now we're back together again. La la la la la.


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[Assistant] We're so close. I've had a cold for like, oh, two weeks now, and it just will not go away, and, and I've like, eh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every day that it doesn't go away, I check to s- I just look at the COVID symptoms again. Where I'm like, can you get COVID one month after having COVID? That's a pretty...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but yeah, luckily I- it doesn't seem like I have COVID, so. Okay, good. But I can't shake this goddamn-


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[Assistant] Well, I've been sick the last two weeks of filming, and they're just, they're, you know, cause I'm, I'm the lead of the movie, so they're juicing me. I feel like, I feel like Michael Jackson, where they're just like, I'm literally taking shots every day. Shots in my butt cheeks.


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[Assistant] Uh, B12, but then also like this new, uh, it's basically like a Z-Pack that I take in my butt cheek. Uh, and then are like,


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[Assistant] Our giant medic is the guy that does it, so it like feels like we're doing...


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[Assistant] Like drugs or something? Because it's weird because I have to take it in my ass cheek, but we do it on set so it's always like us ducking off into a corner and he whips out a needle and just injects my butt cheek.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's, uh, he's like, he's a nurse, but he's, but he's, hey, hilarious. He's, uh, he's, I, I mean, 6'5", like, 350. That's so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, he's like a house of a man, so it doesn't seem like- I've never seen a nurse this-


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[Assistant] Well no, I remember, I remember we didn't hire writers in the workhawks writers room because they, because we were convinced they were too large for the room. We're like, they're too, it's too small of a room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now, but now we could because of, uh, because of the Zoom room. Yeah, we could get, uh, we could get the biggest writer's room in the biz, babe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, should we talk about the elephant not in the room right now? Again? Well yeah, I feel like we ha- I guess we should because they're probably like, wait, what's different about this week? The community's probably abuzz right now. I feel like the community's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bagel. Yeah, and are we afraid now that, uh, like, you know, I don't wanna say dead weight, but uhm, the weight that has been cut, are we afraid the podcast is gonna be too good now? It's gonna soar?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like, we found a real nice pocket with Kyle, with the four of us, of just sort of middling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, just kind of, you know, just sort of not doing too great with the podcast. And now I'm afraid we're gonna, now we're gonna have to compete with the Rogans of the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we'll be right up there, you know, with the other shows that are big. I'm sure there's other big podcasts. There's gotta be other big ones. There has to be other big podcasts. Uh, probably about murder. People love murder podcasts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now, our podcast is gonna be too good, and now we're gonna have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be a runaway freight train. And I'm nervous for that, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. So now that Kyle quit, he always called him a bitch, but is quitting a bitch- Kyle betrayed me? Is quitting a bitch- Was this a bitch move? Move? Or is that an asshole move leaving us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he started another podcast. If I had to, if I was a betting man?


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[Assistant] No, I think we, the three of us are steadfast. We're not going anywhere. We're, we're, we're the rocks.


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[Assistant] I think the only way that we would stop the podcast is we are just too physically busy that we actually can't find the one hour to do the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't, I do not think, uh, I do not think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it was. What happened? I didn't know. I'm not privy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you're right, it is different. Uh, that being said, Blake, if, if you were to die, just know for a fact we would do that. And, uh, I guess prep your parents, like let them know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let them know now, like, hey, if I were to die, uh,


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[Assistant] Adam and Ders are gonna talk about how I need to have my stomach pumped from gobbling too much jizz, and I didn't, and that's why I died.


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[Assistant] I suffocated with the amount of- I drowned in jizz.


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[Assistant] And I just come up and I'm just gurgling blood. Weird wild stuff.


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[Assistant] I feel like I'm not much of a prankster, I feel like you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I feel like you guys would joke for a solid three minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once it starts to near towards five minutes, the bid has run its course, we're done laughing about it, uh, you guys have, have, volleyed the ball as many times back and forth as you can until you're like, alright, he needs to, he needs to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know those weed PSAs that you're like, the kids get stoned and then they like find a gun and they're fucking around and then it's like, uh, you just hear a gunfire and then it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jimmy died that day. You know, uh, and essentially it was, uh, us, it was, it was us having a gun, we smoke weed and then we shoot each other and blood just squirts out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the person just laughs really hard and then we just go back and forth shooting each other until finally, uh, one, my buddy shoots, or I shoot my buddy in Austin Anderson in the head, and he dies. Right. And I, uh, then finally I realized that I just murdered my friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we would, no, I remember it was after our first day of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of Improv Class at Orange Coast College in Coastamesa, California. Go Pirates. And Go Pirates, and, and I, we did like, you know, it's Improv Class, you get up and basically you suss out who's funny and who isn't funny right away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say yes, no, instead of yes and. I say yes, no, you be funny now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but Blake was, Blake was super funny, and then afterwards, uh, I went up to him and I was like, I think we should write together, and I remember we were standing in that back hallway of the, the black box theater, and you were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I was like, me and my friend make a bunch of videos. And this was before, this is how old we are, this was before YouTube. So we were just making videos and then, you know, get, showing them to friends and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we went over to his, uh, uh, new check's apartment and watched all their videos and then they watched all of our videos and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up is right. I've never said the R word, uh, in front of an actual person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she'll look at it. That's the top one? Yeah. Does? Evidently that many people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oooooh. And then it just kinda jumps to other stuff. Have a kid, uh, does Blake Anderson skate? That's the second one up. Uh, have a brother. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause that's what happens. Yeah, obviously. It's a young man's game. Well, for sure you have to start when you're 13 years old. When your bones are rubber. Right. 13 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the kids, all the kids that, uh, just won, all the girls that just won skateboarding in the Olympics. We're all like 13 year old Brazilian girls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, almost, it's almost up there with swimming. But Blake, you can dress like it, dude. Yea, I try. Yea, I try. Yea, that's literally the second one that comes up, is does Blake Anderson skate? I would say probably cooler than does Adam Devine have down syndrome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does Anders Holm, well no, I have, does Anders Holm have a kid, married, you know, sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know a book I, uh, read? Wow. Can't read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At a Hudson News? No, it was, uh, Shoe Dog. I listened to the audiobook when I am out on my bike rides. Shoe Dog. It's fuckin' awesome. It's all about, uh, the creation of Nike. You're talking about Bowerman? Yea, Phil Knight and Bill Bowerman, who was the track coach for Oregon, who, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He coached Prefontaine and then Phil Knight before that and, uh, started Nike with him. Yeah, right. It was fucking awesome. It was really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't read, so when I read something and it's good, I won't shut the fuck up about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, since we got the bike, the specialized electric bike, finally was able to take it out yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went fucking forever. Rode for like 45 miles. It was fucking awesome, dude. And it was so cool cause it still felt like a workout. Uh, but then I just went so goddamn far. It was awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went way further than I normally would go because normally I go to about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 25 miles or so. Right. Is about my limit until my knees are like, alright buddy, fucking wrap this up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I love that when your nipples all pop out. Yeah, do the nipples go on the inside or the outside of the strap? Ah, that's a great question. Well, it depends on how you got some wide-ass shoulders, then your nips are on the inside. Oh, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's cool about that bike is, you do, you are able to just, mmmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, uh, it gets mad hilly over there. It's extreme. And some of these hills I see and I'm like, well absolutely fuck that. Uh, no way I'm gonna go up that hill. And now I was just like, WAP WAP!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't really tell that it's an electric bike unless you like really look at it because the energy pack, the battery is what they call them, is on the inside of the bike. It's not like the other ones where it's chunky and it's on the outside and you can totally tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's built in the frame, so you just soar past people, and I'm like, the whole time I'm like, this motherfucker thinks I'm pro. Look how fast I just blew him out of the water. And I'm like, he might be a bike scout. He might be a scout. Who's eyeing me and is like, I gotta get this guy on the Olympic cycling team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a, dude, this is, it's a crazy world. Well, the road bikes, road bikes are expensive. I don't know, I bought a pretty mid-level one, I think it was like two grand or something. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's, that's just some like rich guy shit. Because unless you're like truly in a race,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter. It's like just for exercise, right? So like, it doesn't really matter if you go that extra little bit faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just like a guy who like is just lifted way too much weight and then just passes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you think, uh, we should start a fitness empire together called flexercise and then make shirts that say, uh, do it, lift it, detach your rectum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That means, yeaah, that means you really, you really, really went for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you are now, I mean has the rock ever detached his rectum?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, well, he hasn't posted that on the gram, so we don't know if it's real. And if he- Cause he doesn't realize how cool it is. And if he hasn't, then maybe he's a bitch. Maybe he is a bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gained, I gained some, yeaah, I gained some weight. I uh, I'm shooting this movie right now, and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm getting all the production stills, the still photographers giving me all the photos. Oh boy. And my god. Yeaah. The first few weeks I'm like, I had a jawline. Right. It was real tight, it was right after the wedding, I was looking pretty good. Hot as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Ellen Barkin, who's a co-star in the movie with me, told me that I need to stop riding the bike. She's like, your thighs are too huge. It's like, they're giant. They're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, this is my, this is God's gift. These meaty dogs. I'm like, feel em, touch em. And that is sexual harassment at work, but I was like rub em, feel em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Action! Dude, they just G-checked out the gate? Yeah. Uh, admittedly, I lo- I love my meaty ass thighs, dude. I love that, uh, that when you see me in pants you're like, that's an oddly shaped man, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, uh, the, the, in the waist, well until I recently gained ten pounds, uh, but the waist of my jeans are skinny, but then through the thighs, I like can't fit them through my leg through the hole. You know? I feel bad for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little exercise on him, baby. Squats with just like dumbbells, not like super heavy weights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Admittedly, I think I, I think I was going a little extra, I was putting a little extra juice on it too, because I was trying to be cool in front of you, Blake. Were you really? You're my cool friend, I was trying to be cool. You were really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am, I am very, I'm a, I'm a, uh, fat, fat strong guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, how many Carstens are there in the NFL?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people were, people were lit up that, uh, that Khaleesi ended up being, spoiler, a villain of the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I got, uh, Omaha, Omaha Steaks hooked me up. Yeah, what the fuck? How'd you get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, I worked for Omaha Steaks, I've talked about them on, I think, uh, Cold Air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then, from then on, they were just like, yeah, whenever you want, if you're ever having any sort of holiday get-together or whatever, hit us up. And so the last couple years I've been like, hook it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love that for you. I, I mean, I don't know. I, I, I also worked for them when I was 16 years old. So if you, you might have to go work in the call center for, uh, for like six months to a year. I feel like Blake would. Yeah, I can see that for Blake. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so, uh, so I'm gonna go shoot, uh, this, this, uh, show in Berlin, uh, and now I'm reading, maybe because of this new, uh, transformer variant, Omnicron. Omnicron. Roll out! I might not be able to go to Germany, that would suck, dude. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] January, February, March, April, May.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, definitely not February. I'm like, looking at temperatures, I'm like, the average temp is like, negative ten. I'm like, oh, sick. Oh, god damn. I mean, whatever, you're from the fucking- God damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How fat do we think I'm gonna get while shooting this show? That's a real cute beer and bratwurst. Rotund. Rotund. It was like, remember when I, uh, it was after shooting the first Pitch Perfect, I came back


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we, we did, had to do like a red carpet for some shit for, to promote, uh, workaholics. And I came back, and you guys hadn't seen me the entire time I was gone, the three months I was off shooting, uh, the first pitch perfect movie. And I came back, and I remember Ders goes, holy shit dude. Right. Cause I, my head was just like 25 pounds heavier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're there for months. Yeah, I'm there for like four or five months or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well should we give, uh, uh, should we give flowers or take backs or apologies or giveaways now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take, yeaah. Freakin' heck, man. What is that? I would like to give, uh, Kyle Newacheck his flowers. You know, he was a, he was a big part of the podcast. For the first, however many episodes, 60-something that we've done. Kyle betrayed me! But then he betrayed us, and he lied, tried to hide, and he died deep inside, and I know the reason why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that is from Tenacious D. Kyle betrayed me and then he lied trying to hide and I died near the side. Yea, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me give you guys flowers. Fabulous furry freak brothers. Check it out on Tubi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Fred Siegel, if you're in Hollywood, uh, I haven't been, I haven't been able to go yet. But, uh, it looks, all the photos I've seen, it looks fucking phenomenal. It looks so cool. It was crazy. A whole, uh, Fabulous Fury Freak Brothers installation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what? We might be able to get a Kardashian on the Freak Brothers now that, uh, the homie, Pete Davidson, is boinking one of them. Wow, we're in love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure he's just really good at talking to girls. I would probably be pretty bad at it. Blake, horrific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. I wouldn't even want, that's the upkeep with that. It's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would you step in that? Wait, he's, Kanye West went on Instagram and said I want him back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, if I had to guess, and I know chicks, 100% of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Well, well, in the meantime, let's get him on, let's get Kim on Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. Yeah. And, uh, exploit the relationship now that he's in it. Adam, see, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm producing shit out of this. Yeah, let's get out of here. Uh, but yes, please watch Fabulous Furry Free Brothers on 2B, streaming now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you guys are looking to get an app, it's actually, you just download the app. Yeah, but it's free and then there's tons of shit on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it was just on TV. I watched like, I was hungover in my hotel room and I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This three hour movie with commercials.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah! Oh, was it a hoop? It holds up. Oh, Titanic's a good movie, too. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mmhm. Spoiler. Yep, spoiler. And that's how good of a movie it is. It's like you know, you know right away that obviously the boat's gonna sink and everyone's gonna die. Right. But you still care the entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we- I mean, we gotta cast Billy Zane in something. We gotta get on that Zane train. I'd love to- I'd love to work- I've ar- I've worked with Billy Zane before. I did a- a show- You're like, I'd love to work with him again!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, any giveaways, take backs, apologies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to, uh, I would like to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give flowers to you guys for sticking with the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're trying to be the biggest podcast in the world, and uh, uh, also watch us on the YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. That's more fun. We haven't, we haven't, uh, we haven't pushed the YouTube very hard, I've realized. But I've recently gone and looked at some of the clips. Super fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fun to see Blake's little smirky expressions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather have cheese buds in your butt wall? Yes. Or poop out your mouth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I'm saying is Kentucky's in the south, dude. The dirty south.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so weird. Well we, we always open up with like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do your kids, uh, any, and this goes for any y'all. Maybe not Kyle, cause I don't think his child, uh, is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like as a little kid, I didn't even think of like being an actor. I just thought like, yeah, movies are a thing that we watch together as a family, but like I want to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when I was like real young, and then by like 12, I was like, oh, I can't, you know, play baseball in the new wheelchair, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have that jock counter up top that tells you. I wish that's what the like button was called, jock counter. I know. It jumped on my jock. How many jocks do you have?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smash that jock button. Smash my jock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he buttfucked a ton of dudes on, on, uh, on stage, right? Did he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude, you have to watch the video. It's like, I watch, I like, I literally turned it on and I just saw a man bent over and him grabbing a dude by the waist and buttfucking him and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things have gotten advanced, dude. Things have gotten real sexual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's dope. Yeah, now like, women can just kiss all day long, people are like, we've seen it. No, this is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember when I was like, do you remember at the Camden Martinique where we used to live?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I had the, I had a giant poster of James Dean in my bathroom. Just cause I think I went to like Hot Topic and bought a bunch of posters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people like, I don't know, we had like some, it was like a theater thing came over to my house and like all the gay dudes in our, in the theater group were like, oh I didn't know you were a gay dude. And I'm like, I'm not a, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he's a gay icon and you have it like, it was like over, it was like basically over my bed. It was right there and I'm like, I didn't know. I didn't know. It's okay. I'm fine with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he's like a su- I should have just had that and like Wizard of Oz shit above my bed. And, and, and Lil Nas X.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think that's the difference between like our generation, like millennials. We're like, you know what? Yeah, uh, gays should be able to get married. And then this Generation Z is like pushing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So far forward, that like the old guard was like, no, gays shouldn't be able to get married, like fucking old people. And we're like, no, they should be able to get married. And then Generation Z's like, well, we're all polyamorous, uh, there's no gender anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is, I remember like, uh, she's like a West Hollywood legend. And she has like, she had, I remember when we first, when I first moved to LA, there was like billboards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's like billboards everywhere. And then, and then I saw, uh, I've seen her, you know, obviously just living there, you, you would see her out and about. And it was always like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure people give her like, you know, whatever her rate is, a thousand dollars or two thousand dollars, whatever, to like come to their party and be like a novelty and be like, look, we got Angeline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake Anderson, Blake Anderson and Angeline cannot be in the same place. That's too much hot energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you can, evidently you can pay her to take a photo with her on her corvette, which I think maybe we all do. Next time we're all in Hollywood together, we do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what would be really fun guys, uh, instead of like trying to make like a really good movie for like the next movie that we do together, uh, besides the workaholics movie, uh, we should do, we should just get a hold of like sci-fi channel and go, hey, we'll make your fucking silly little- Sharknado?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love croctopus. Let's do it. Croctopus is, like, eight, eight heads. Volcan, volcano beaver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know my homie, uh, Daniel Lewis, he makes these movies. He does that. He makes these movies. And he says he sells it in the room. What are we waiting for? Just like that. He sold a movie called Arachnoquake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's pitching sci-, he's in the sci-fi, he was doing another movie, and they're like, you have any other movies you're cooking up? And he didn't, and he goes, yeah, I do. And they go, what do you got? And he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and he's like, he's like, uh huh, and then he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like that's, that's a fun, that's a, that's a fun life right there. That's Hollywood. Oh yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, that is right. Yes, he had like, Ernest's estate and wanted to do something in the Ernest world, but then Ernest is dead. The Ernest P world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll get a hold of, I'll get a hold of my boy right fucking now, dude. Say that, say that we're, we're all in. We're gonna produce this film with him, where we're all starring in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just acting with a tennis ball and laughing as if it's earnest. The thing is you hit a roadblock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, isn't it like his twin brother? It's just a guy who looks like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, no I know I'm saying like in the movie it's his twin brother, right? It's not just a guy that looks like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, John Claude is the kind of the- What are we talking about? Yeah, no, actually when you say that, I see it. He's the jacked version of Ernest. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you guys, I mean, I thought you guys were like speaking as if you have real information on the guy that he's from Canada. Look, he's from, uh, Kentucky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smash that jock button. We're trying to dry that hair out for you, dude. He was really good friends with Robin Williams. Really? I like this. You know there's a huge, yeaah. They met at NASA. They must have met at NASA in the cafeteria.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there's a huge sect of our uh, of the community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] T.I.I. Nation of the Potta-isn't. The TIE Nation. Pot important community, uh, that for sure doesn't know who Jim Varney is, doesn't know who Ernest is, and they're so confused. And we've been talking for forty


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When is that phrase gonna stop? Because it makes it seem shady. Because I like looking at DMs, I'll answer a bunch of people, so you know, when I have the feel like it, I'll just go in the DMs and be like, uh, and I'll start answering people. Is that, is that us or? That's just Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, and that has toned down. That has, uh, that has chilled out. The, the, literally zero naked people now. Sorry to hear that. Oh, why don't you cry about it? I haven't seen any naked people in there, uh, for a while. And, uh, and I'm fine with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exciting. I gosh, so tiring. It was like a week of night shoots to wrap it all up and then I had to pack up my house and, uh, get the hell out of there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was too long, we were there for seven months, so. So no. So no, I feel like if I would have left. Uh, walked away when it exploded. After like, you know, like three or four months, like season one, we were there for four months and it felt like that was the right time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, aw man, I'm really gonna miss it. Seven months away from your house. Seven months? I'm like, alright, bye bye. I mean I snapped a few photos of like the nice view I had and like the photo of the house and I was like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I know, I'm just like, uh, I, I, yeaah, I feel the same way, and, and I'm sure it's even harder for you, you know, having, uh, like a young family and shit at home. Oh dude, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, do you make like fun, you should make fun songs to like make it, make you leaving like a fun adventure for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, go, uh, daddy's got to go to work to make a lot of money. So he can buy Barbie dolls and baseball cards for his little honeys. And then he go, boop, boop, booch, boop, boop, booch, boop, booch, and do like the Robin Williams doesn't know how to do hip hop with, with his hands dance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think I'm going to use all my pitch perfect skills to be a song and dance man for these kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're foraging, you're foraging. You get your electricity from the dumpsters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did bring a sign. I want to thank you for that. What did the sign say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't, I haven't been in Los Angeles in a long time and over, over half a year. Right. This is some new shit I'm catching up. Welcome back. Preganism and unhoused. That's right. Also, uh, unhoused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the exact same as homeless. Well, it's not though. It's not. I mean, why is unhoused a better term? Yes, you're right. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they, you know, they live in apartments or condos or trailers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, my uncle was homeless, or unhoused, and uh, he just said he was camping for like, three years. He was like, I'm camping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's kinda cool. Yeah. Urban campers. Urban campers. That's not bad at all. Urban campers is a way cooler term than unhoused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there was a, uh, this is weird, I was just in the Dallas airport earlier today, and there was a full on gaming lounge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're redoing it, they're redoing it. The Delta, uh, the new Delta wing or whatever they call it. Terminal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Blake, can you do me a favor and add just a little bit more to that Wampum Gangnam Style? You're getting me so jazzed for it. I wanna hear, you can't just say Wampum Gangnam Style and hit the first hit and then we bail. Let me hear it. Yeah. Wampum Gangnam Style!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we need womp, womp, womp, and then cut out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that's enough? I feel like that's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like when you're dancin' and then all of a sudden it gets like the best part of the song and uh, fuckin' Akko and Atiba changed the song on us. And we're like, aww, aww, we loved that part, we were so excited for that part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I would like to compliment all of us for each off the top of the dome coming up with legit fire movie ideas for our sci-fi movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that being said, uh, if they came out of, if they weren't zombies and they were just actual molten beavers that came out of a volcano, well yea, maybe a better movie. I don't know, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I got to open up for him a handful of times way back in the day before we got workaholics. And, uh, he was just the nicest guy, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just like, yea, just a very funny, very cool guy. Like no pretension. Didn't think he was like the hot shit or anything, you know? Just was, just was so cool. R.I.P. him. Wish we would have gave him flowers when he was alive. Fuckin, we're blowing him in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, yeah, no, fuck that shit, but real quick, let's do this comb your hair forward and then let's do this TikTok dance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just super hot, seven guys in a row, just like, I mean, in what world- You don't have one weird looking friend? Like, this is where the generational shift happened, where like, even good looking guys,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're talking about, those guys are legit very famous guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a party, uh, when I came back, I came back to LA for a week, like a couple weeks ago, and uh, my friend had a birthday party, and she lives like right by the Hype House, which is like a house where a bunch of like influencers live together and it was kind of a fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, their backyard just looks insane. It's just like neon lights, everything's set up to shoot videos. Right. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're gonna love this Rakan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember picking out the special songs, like the dancing and like the first dance, I remember doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love you too. Dude, that's wild though man, it's true. She's probably just pointing out something that's real and like, what the hell, they're gone. But they got to have that moment. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you got the, you got the picture. Got to our wedding. You got the memory. You get to remember them and think about them every year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we get married at the same place? Anders, we did. We got married at the exact same place. Is that a secret? I saw you posting the, or maybe Emma posted the picture of all of us standing up there under the oak tree and I was like, oh yea dude, I got the same framing of my wedding as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was, I mean, that's, that's worth saying. I mean, you, you had it there and then my wife was not at your wedding. And we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and this is interesting because Ders did it to me and I ended up marrying the woman who was not invited to his wedding, but at the last moment you were like, she could come because there was a hole, I remember when Ders said that, but we couldn't make it happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We love this girl, Clodog. You wanted to introduce her to Mama Bear, your mom, at my wedding, right? That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was when I was like, okay, you had been dating for maybe like eight or nine months and I talked to him. Maybe that I don't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, I remember that's what pushed me over the edge, where I was like, alright, you can come to, you can, she can come to the wedding. And you guys were fun, you guys had a blast. Yeah, we had a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Under the same oak tree as the homes. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember when we were, so my wife did not go to that wedding, but when we were touring with our wedding planner to pick the spot, we went to Calamigos Ranch and I was like, yeah, I don't know if we even need to go to Calamigos Ranch. Like there's other spots, like we'll be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We pull up, we go to one location, uh, and then here we walk into the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we walk into the oak tree and Marissa immediately starts tearing up. And she's like, this is the spot. This is it. Sacred ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they had, like I said, it's a factory, they were turning. They got money, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we had the money. It's not like we're, you know, look at this. Bro, you have money to give 100 other people steaks, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the thing, that was the thing where I was like, when they were like, yeah, you can do whatever, this meal, fish or chicken and then steak, but the steak is like an extra like eight bucks. And I was like, ah, throw it on the menu. Only the people that really want it will get the filet mignon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you did the dance and stuff, the first dance, did you have to do like any like trial dancing with your wife before show day? Oh, practice? Yea, practice dancing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to do it. I had to do like just basic dance lessons and learn how to- Oh, you did it. Yeah, I had to learn. I mean, I didn't have to. I did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it was nothing. I learned how to dip and I learned how to twirl. That was it. That was all we were doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? Who? Who? You can't do that. I'm sorry, Adam. Clodog. Who let the clodog out? Yeah. Okay, wait. Yeah. Alright, who let clodog out? Yo, it's gonna go off. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was blown away when I brought it out for Marissa. I was like, check out this dude. Look at what he does. It's amazing. You were blown away. I was astonished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did he do? What did he do in that moment? He said are you ready? And then what happened? I don't know this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it was like, it came from that. Like, it was like, let's do- Oh, it did come from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lots of adjectives and verbs, no periods or exclamation marks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's in a rectangle. I think it's a smaller version of tennis with a, mixed with a larger version of ping pong. And on a badminton, I think it's a badminton court with maybe a lower net. I don't even know how high the net is. It's a low net, I think. It's a low net, right? That's why it's tennis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you can't sit there? Is this what it is? Yeah, what the fuck? You can't sit there and respect a sport, like, well enough to just not talk? No. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh. Honestly, I want to sit there and watch the game and appreciate the athleticism and quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I show you guys something that I got the other day and I'm pretty proud of it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, got it in Maui, super pumped to be rocking a dad shirt, unironically. Like, it's fucking sick, cause like, when we were in our early twenties, we'd rock some dad gear. Yes, ironically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, it's not, and I'm just like, Adam, you don't know, but the other two know, like, it's fucking sick. Way to rub it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bogies? Bogies. Dude, I have a story about that from my wedding too that involves you, Adam, because, like, we shut bogies down. Yeah, we did. Like, we stayed until they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very, uh, wealthy part of Los Angeles, so you have, uh, great clientele there. It's just awesome to watch. So we shut it down, and everybody was leaving, and I was like, okay, see you guys. Marissa and I were leaving, walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was supposed to be, there was transportation. Everybody's like, have a great night, knowing we're about to go back. And... Give her hell, bro!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is this? And so I screen it, and I'm like, no dude, not right now. And then I'm, I can tell, I'm like, babe, here we go. Like, then it's all, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. I'm like, what the fuck? So I screen it again, he calls me a third time, I'm like, Marissa, just hold on one second, let me see what this dude wants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe something happened. So I pick it up and Adam's like, how the fuck are we supposed to get out of here? How the fuck


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. No, no, not at all, man. Not at all. That's something that I like to do. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've often wondered what the, I've often wondered what the drunk logic was on the wedding night to be like, I'm calling this dude three times right now to see where the rides are. When they're obviously pulling up and other people outside know what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a logistical question, and to be honest, like Adam, I think at that time, we were doing Workaholics a lot, a lot of the logistics fell on my shoulders, and so you probably were programmed to just be like, oh, I need a logistic answer right now, or else I might die, or sleep in this parking lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Video Village Inn. That's probably what it was, and we had shot at Calamigos a couple times, so he was probably like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we filmed, um, at that- Biggest loser? Yep, yep. Oh, that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember the trick that you could do with a Sobe bottle when they were glass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. And you could fill it up to a certain point like to the bottom of the label and then hold it at an angle and take your hand and fucking pop the top of it hell of hard and the bottom would just fall out. The bottom of the glass would just fall out. Weird, wild stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Yes. It was the perfect amount of pressure to just pop the bottom off this bottle and it was just so sick. Chicks would- chicks dug it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got a machine head! You know machine head is, uh, fuckin' marijuana, right? Like green to red!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Green to red. Green to red. You take the greens, you light them up. I don't know. That's what I thought it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like it. Right. Better or worse? What's the difference? What's the difference in the recipe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says here that the Coke, the new version of Coke Zero in 2021 comes in the red can with black lettering and seems to be built around an ethos of being a bit more assertive, but rounded at the same tone. I love this. See, this is like Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy that this shit is working, and that's what we were satirizing. Like, here it's saying that the newest formula of Coke Z is said to optimize the existing flavors and ingredients of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sweetening combo, the sweetening combo of aspartame and asesofame and potassium is unchanged. So there is absolutely nothing changing about this recipe so it seems. Then buzzwords. I just agree. That'll get you better, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I think soda is kind of fucking gross across the board to tell you the truth. I barely drink it anymore. The last cans I had was at, uh, wherever we were for your bachelor party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to do an off-pod compliment to my wife for putting up with that type of behavior on her wedding day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's different kinds of strategies. There's lots of, you can play the intellectual or you can get out there on the battlefield. They're the people that tell the battle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like picking the music. Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm not like a music head, but I'm very specific about what I want at my wedding for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys wanna hear something funny? Here's a funny thing real quick. Uh, my anniversary, 10 year anniversary was just last weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's nuts dude. It's crazy, thank you guys. Emma's looking through photos of the wedding on her phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this was probably four year- three or four years after I got married and like the upgrades were substantial at this place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, practice? Oh shit. No. Oh dang. We're not really dancers and we're not, um, like big time extroverts. Like a lot of people will be like, we're doing a choreographed dance. Yeah. Like they really want to do a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked Black Eyed Peas before she got in the mix when they were like a hip hop group and then they kind of transitioned into, they wanted money. They were like, let's get money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It kinda brought her back for a minute, so like, you know, count your blessings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of like, bad shit on stage, this is classic. And this was something we showed in the writer's room over and over for a good week or two. When Lenny Kravitz was on the Today Show. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went like down into like a tuck and his pants ripped, his dick flopped out and then he jumped up without missing a beat and blocked it with the guitar. I was like, this dude is a true professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know we kinda moved on from wedding talk, but I think I brought this up off air the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My freshman year in college in Wisconsin, this girl who was a senior was getting married to this guy, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just a caveman at the wedding. I was like, Oh, that's cool. I didn't really know them yet. Cause I just got to school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was like asking him questions and then he was like, guess what I'm eating at my wedding? And I was like, I don't know. He goes, everybody else is getting steak and fish. I'm eating Arby's. So this dude, everybody ate whatever they wanted to eat and he ate like five big


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's on par with Arby's. That's like, is it all orange chicken? Two servings of orange chicken?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where in the opening credit sequence, there's like introducing people and this one guy goes like, my name is Mike and I like to eat dessert first. Like how cool is he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we had, we had Brace on the show. And he was, oh man, I mean, sometimes you get in a room with improvisers and you're like, holy fuck, look at this guy work. And Brace wasn't exactly that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, as in like, hold on, cause you're about to get braced. Like, brace yourself. He was like, he called himself a, he's like, I'm a Siberian tiger hybrid with the, and we were like, this dude is just improvising. He really couldn't finish the sentence, but it was, it worked, it worked perfectly. That's my impression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like one was a rapper, it was, it was unbelievable. This guy could not rap. It was unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it in a cage? Is it different than paddle ball? Can you hit it off the cage wall? Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, you hit it how you want to hit it. Tennis is one of the greatest, the greatest sports. It is so good. I think it's my favorite sport to watch. Really? Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, this is uh, Hey I need order in this court. This is the way, this, like, if you have a guy who you're cheering for, right? Yeah. Are you gonna be quiet when they're about to, when they throw the ball up in the air to serve? No, I'm gonna be like, HIT THAT SHIT BROTHER! Right, and he's gonna be like, can you shut the fuck up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they don't. Yes they do. They do. If you go there live, you hear how everyone's like cheering and stuff. Blake, have you ever been to a tennis event?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tennis, they also have big beers. Uh, and by the way, I'm not, I don't disagree with you about, um, how I do think sports can and should be just loud the whole time or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bye, love you guys! I did like how, like, uh, the festivities kept going. Even though we, like, went to go pass out because we'd just been, like, glad handing and drinking all night, people were still raging and getting lost and, like, stealing bicycles from the hotels. Oh yeaah. I remember that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's crazy, we have filmed, Calamigos, yes it's a wedding factory, we both got married there, but after I got married there, I think I was, we filmed Workaholics there, like two months later, when I got attacked by a dog. I think so, I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've filmed like Mindy Project there, like people be filming there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had filmed the Man Up episode there. Biggest Loser filmed there. And then the Sly Stallone, like, fucking, some sort of like American Gladiators wannabe type shit was there too. Titan. Yep. Challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll call you from, uh, yeaah. If you have to take the shoes off, I'm calling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it stays, it just stays where it is. It doesn't float or sink. It's like a lava layer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck yeaah, it was the sickest shit, dude. No, it was like some cool, like, elementary school science teacher shit where he's like, watch, I'm gonna dip this banana in the nitroglycerin and then shatter it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like throwing lighters and exploding them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like the king of Malibu, right? Who is? Gavin Rossdale. He just like had like a few albums, did it right, moved to Malibu and just kicks it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I guess what we're saying is send us, send it to us guy, at uh, at Coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was, I haven't had soda in years. The move is just less, like you drink a regular Coke, where you drink those little tiny cans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going CZ baby, I'm going CZ. When you have the regular and then you have the diet right next to it, it's fucking like, it's such a worse option but everybody wants to drink soda and not feel like they're drinking an entire glass of sugar and I get that but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You was about to say something mean. Yeah, I probably was. Uh, but I want, I want, I want to take back all, I want to have a taste test. I want whoever is out there listening to send us your diet soda product and we'll, we'll give our honest opinion about it. Okay. It would be cool to find a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... I got on my knees and started licking at them. Oh hell yeah, bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A whole new mean angle. That's interesting. That's interesting. Yikes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because the chemo knocks you out, right? That's the thing. The chemo's really rough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What station are you listening to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit. Dude, I remember when my cousin was going through it, I had the same statistic and I was like, oh, so you just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you have to kind of, you have to kind of combat it just as a like a preemptive measure. If you look at the statistics, it's like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Points. I honestly think I'm most scared of cancer because I smoked for so long and I quit that. Yea, you got it. And I fucking, you know, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. I kind of share that sentiment, Blake. That's like, it's like you have to, I'm like, am I combating it with how I eat? Yeah, I need to for a lot of the times because you just don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it like, is the red meat, uh, is that, uh, linked to cancer? Is that a thing? I think that's more heart stuff. Oh, that's the heart. Yeah, I think that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Well who knows what they're doing with the manufactured meat these days. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking about, I was thinking about that and I was like he can't use a lighter for sure. Oh, but guess what guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he, he was cool. Yeah, that stuff doesn't mess your lungs up at all. You're all good. But you gotta be careful cause the butane, right? Did you talk to him about the like sucking in the butane? Cause I know your dad likes to hit fucking pipes hard, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You thought he won a Nobel Prize but he just won a no-bowl prize?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it became the business, it's very hard to find those pure moments of joy because you're always like, should we film it? We should film this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's always, there's always like a turning point where it's like funny until it's not and it's like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I thought this was funny. I thought we could keep going. Like, let's go. Totally. Yeah. This is still fertile ground for laughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? The X gonna give it to you? The X gonna give it to you? No, that was me. No, I was genuinely singing the ending of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know that part? But what we would do in my car, we'd go through the whole thing, it's all about the setup, and then we'd say, next time won't you sing with a frog?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved it. Frog was the funniest by far for me, that's why I remember that. But it was like- It's a funny word. It was just that confusion attack at the end of a giant setup that fucking cracked me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will, you know what I will do, I agree with you and I'll do that. I'll do that with my kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds like you're saying co-op, like we're not, we're not at a REI. Co-ops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's hella hard, that's his only line. Okay, Kyle, call, action. Okay, ready, aaaand action!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but I don't deal with them. I don't deal with them. Feed the dogs to the snakes. I do the dogs. I do the three dogs and the two babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause at that point, it's all about controlling your dreams. Like back in the day when I, I've never done the lucid dreaming, but I did do some research and they didn't have a dream machine back then. But what you could do is have a friend with a flashlight when you go to bed, like trigger the light on your eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then you're like, and then you wake up and you're like, oh, okay, I was dreaming. Okay. And after, and after enough nights of, of that, you could essentially turn a light on, like put it on a timer and be inside of your dream, lucid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I've only done it like, I've only done it like once or twice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude, I'm, I, I, I'm stood by it. He's good. He's your father, dude. He can see through your shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, you put me, it's not even the favorite out of this group. Have you seen The Departed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big fan? Adam, come on. Your dad is correct. He knows you. He knows you're fucking with me. He knows you're fucking with the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every fucking day, like you guys, I'd just come in and fucking, you know, so I'd have time to like look at it. You guys were like, how many, how many hundreds of lines do I need to say today? I actually found myself. That's fucking tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ever want to run lines, bro, I'm here. You know, we can get on Zoom, I'll run lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, oh yeaah. We can do that, I don't care. I ain't above that now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to thank you on the heels of that, very genuine. I'd like to thank you guys for allowing me a little bit of a moment to talk about my alphabet, uh, joke when I was a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd like to compliment your sound today because we cannot hear your construction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tech stuff really pivs my biscuits, you know? Can you 3D print me some new testicles?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not for me. You guys sound like chipmunks. And I can hear myself repeat it back to me. As if I'm in an echo chamber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in an Airbnb in Houston and I bet they have the doo doo wifi. You know? They're not springing for that good wifi at the Airbnb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that would be so tight. Yeah, that would be cool. Just do some acid with my boys on the podcast. I've actually never done acid, but if I were to do it, I would want to do it on the podcast with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did ask it, I don't remember doing it. It was a full blackout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay yeaah. I've done acid. I want to do acid and remember doing acid with you guys, with my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I think that's what happens, dude, is you blossom. You open up and you become, uh, you know, just a flower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is Steve Jobs came up with the iPod mini and, and those like colorful, uh, apples back in the day that we had in like school, the like teal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you're like, oh, these are way cool. Mom, can I get one? No, you're, you're getting a Dell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they do it at the end? Are they like kablam? Yeah. And I know you tuned in for 4 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is why people tune in. Yeah. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you guys hear me now? There he is. There you are, there's my guy. Yes. Why, I turned it down because it echoes and then it drives me fucking nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, when I'm turning down, uh, but then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you guys hear me? This is a fucking nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys are saying every word five times and it's driving me fucking nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a tactic. This is garbage. It's echoey as hell. Yea, it's garbage. I can't hear you guys. Do we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. This is a nightmare. I can't do this. I can't hear you. I can't understand you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We tried something new. We tried to go to a different program to record and uh, it didn't work out. There's a reason why Zooms are our number one bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really good to see and hear you guys. I was kinda, I was losing my mind there for a minute. You know, tech stuff really pivs my biscuits, you know? Oh, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just wanna touch tips with you guys. I wanna touch tips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say, uh, I would like to do a tour and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody just sent me that, uh, clip again, some internet person of, uhm, it was Dwight Howard talking about one of his favorite moments with Kobe when Kobe turned him on to Pitch Perfect and they would watch Pitch Perfect together.


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[Assistant] I'm thinking of going to a Wuhan wet market and eating bats.


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[Assistant] Did you say it tastes like chicken? No, I said gimme the chicken. I'm sure it tastes fine. I'm sure it's okay.


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[Assistant] But in that culture, they do eat bats. Right. In that culture, they are chickens. Yeah. So when you're there, I want to experience their culture, and part of their culture is eating bats. In some places, humans. In which case, would you guys eat human?


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[Assistant] Yeah, he tastes like a human, I imagine you are, you taste like, like you're pickled a little bit.


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[Assistant] I don't know, because I think, uh, I'm like just a brick, a muscle, and I think it would be too tough.


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[Assistant] So you want the filet mignon. Okay, I'm more of a ribeye guy. And by the way, I know you said Blake has the nicest ass in the group. Oh yea, I understand, you're getting under my skin, yadda yadda. Dude, I saw this GIF the other day.


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[Assistant] Fucking perfect, man. I was like, I almost sent it to you guys, but then I was like, I don't want to send photos of my own ass to my friends. But, uh, I'd rather talk about it later. I'd rather talk about it in detail.


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[Assistant] Like if you send him, if you send me a nude, I've already, it's already gone.


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[Assistant] Now hear me out guys, uh, cause I think this is a really, really good idea. Since we're talking sending nudes, uh, to each other, which I'm like, I, I mean, maybe sure, but don't we want to take really artful, artistic, hardcore, porno shoot? Hardcore.


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[Assistant] And like maybe we started OnlyFans, where it's just real hot content from us, but, and then I kinda walked that back. I think what we should do is...


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[Assistant] Oh, it gets harder? And then, and then, uh, on New Year's Eve, uh, you, you bust? Yes. Yeah, New Year's Eve you bust. Alright.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and so I think that's like some really cool, uh, merch. Or...


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[Assistant] Exclusive? Yeah, but you could still, it could still be everywhere on the internet.


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[Assistant] I bet Blake would get the most money for his nude. That's what I think. I think you would collect the most coin.


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[Assistant] I think it was, no, it was me and Austin. And it was when I first moved to California and me and Austin drove up to Hollywood to like drive around Hollywood and see, see the sights. And we were driving down Santa Monica Boulevard. We were like, what should we do all day? And we're like, maybe we should just go to a movie. And we see that little theater. We stop.


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[Assistant] Here we are in Hollywood, let's go to a movie theater. Well, we drove around for like two hours and just were like, we don't know what to do, let's just go to a movie. And then we drive past him, we see it's Lord of the Rings, and we're like, oh, that's weird, that movie's already out, but we love that movie, let's just get stoned and watch Lord of the Rings. And we go, and it was Lord of the Cock Rings.


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[Assistant] Not what you were expecting, huh? It was that gay theater on Santa Monica Boulevard, which I don't know, it's called like Studs or whatever? Yeah.


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[Assistant] No, I get what you're saying, I understand, I've been told, specifically Magic City, I've never been, but I've been told that it's off the chain, and it is like a full-blown nightclub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now when you guys do this, would you release a photo of your butthole if we all took photos of our butthole and then they just took, it was just, we've, we split the butthole into fours and it's just-


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[Assistant] Well, you gotta stare through it like you're looking through a window.


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[Assistant] I, I, we do have to look into Magic Eyes though, because that's, that's a cool idea. I, we, we could do some cool Magic Eyes.


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[Assistant] I thought they were a little, I mean, I haven't looked at Magic Eyes since I was, you know, I don't know, what, 13 or something, whenever they were in the malls. Uh, I don't have books, like Blake has a library of Magic Eyes at his home.


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[Assistant] Hardcore porno magic eye. It's the wave of the future and we're selling it when we go on tour. That's uh, that's part of the merch table.


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[Assistant] Uh, watched SNL and forever, but I'm sure I'm, yeah, guarantee you, uh, they're.


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[Assistant] They're, they're doing bits about cancer dads and stuff now. And by the way...


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[Assistant] That was, that was, they, they were the group that, uh, stayed with us for a while, and then on, like, it was when Facebook had just come out, or my, I think we were still on MySpace back then, and we were on MySpace.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's in our living room and there's like five guys sleeping on the floor. It smelled thick. And, uh, anyways, so he puts on, um, uh, on MySpace, uh,


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[Assistant] Being in a band, uh, is hard work or something? What was it? Yeah, being in a band is hard.


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[Assistant] And then, but then in the video, like you can't really tell. It's like always like kind of on your back and you're like blurry and shit.


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[Assistant] Uh, and I was salty. I wanted you to be the star of that fucking video. I was like...


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[Assistant] Listened to the podcast, uh, a few weeks ago. Oh, meta! Yea, no big deal. I listened to it while I was on a bike ride, and your song that you made with Tommy Lee.


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[Assistant] You're musical, but I wouldn't say you're, you're not a musician or anything. So if you just made that, I'd be like, okay, good for you, Ders, you made a thing.


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[Assistant] But, he's a very successful musician. He should have been able to put something together that isn't total hot trash.


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[Assistant] It was, especially at the beginning of Warcoholics, it was like a, kind of a, it wasn't an uphill battle, but it was like,


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[Assistant] Hard for people to wrap their heads around that we wanted it. We wanted to look shitty. We wanted the house to actually look shitty.


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[Assistant] We wanted our clothes to be bad. We wanted our hair to look bad. We didn't want good haircuts. The whole thing. We were like, the cars should be shitty. Our clothes should be ill fitting. And they're like, yeah, but.


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[Assistant] I feel like you would tighten it up a little bit and we're like, you are going to be on TV and you're like, yeah, but our characters...


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[Assistant] We really fought them, and then like anytime like they made, uh, they'd like do Jillian's hair up nice, or something we'd be like,


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[Assistant] No, you don't like the strawberry filled, filled one? No.


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[Assistant] Fuck it! I'm not just gonna eat one, cause if I was just eating and was worried about my caloric intake, I'd eat fucking chicken and broccoli.


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[Assistant] I never got it myself, but I've been at like a party or something where they had it.


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[Assistant] You guys have, uh, some LA kids, uh, do they fuck with pizza in the same way that you guys fucked with pizza as children?


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[Assistant] No, because I remember, I remember being in like an acting class when I was like 20 years old and


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[Assistant] Like, that's a California kid thing. So I'm like thinking, if I have kids in California, are they gonna grow up just naturally being like, give me that sushi. Your kids fuck up the sushi?


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[Assistant] So I'm in Houston right now visiting my parents and I asked my mom to pick me up some hummus cause I like to like dip, uh, you know, vegetables in hummus.


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[Assistant] Like he'd never seen hummus before. Did he like it? Did he try it? I don't think he tried it. Uh, I think he was pretty grossed out by it. But uh, would- is hummus like on some-


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[Assistant] I wonder what weird shit we are gonna be, like, in the future. You know, cause we're gonna be old dads someday. Uh, if I have children.


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[Assistant] Uh, I, I, my, no, my hesitation was why would I hesitate, like, why would I not? And, uh, then I thought about it for a brief moment, and was like, fuck it. And nothing popped up. Why, why would I not? Why would I not? Cause it's like,


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[Assistant] Well, isn't it, uh, if we are able to clone these animals and then eat them, would we not?


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[Assistant] Go ahead. Would we not be able to, uh, would that cut down on like, the, uh, all the shit? No, no, no.


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[Assistant] Well, I would like to not fart if there was a pill or something where I never farted again. I would, I would do that. I don't.


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[Assistant] Well that's the opposite, because dogs, when dogs, when you fart around a dog, he will dive, snout first into your asshole.


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[Assistant] I guess I didn't know that. Uh, and that would be my first, uh, I would like to start the, the take backs and apologies. I'd like to take back saying that I'd give up farting because I didn't realize I had so much weight.


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[Assistant] Uh, on our relationship and our friendship. Uhm, and if it means that much to you guys, I'm gonna stay fartin' guys.


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[Assistant] And, and do we do the podcast from Lake of the Ozarks? Could be fun. I don't know. We have to. Logistically, it might be difficult, but, uh. I mean, it always is.


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[Assistant] It's like two separate- Yeah, no, they're like just kinda like on your eyes. It's fuckin' cool, dude. It's future shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and not, he didn't piss the bed. No, he woke up.


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[Assistant] Did you witness it? Uh, no, but he came out very proud of what he did. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what's weird is uhm, we all came out really hot day one, and everybody kinda has like, uh, stuff to do today. Like, actual work. Because it is the week. Middle of the week.


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[Assistant] I-I will say like, okay, I was definitely on struggle mode this morning. I did not.


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[Assistant] I, I did that. Is that not working? You can't hear me. Is he back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tap on your mic. Don't turn the mic up. Hello hello hello hello hello hello.