[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were a lot of shows, well last time was in 2007, right, and they didn't really feel, people didn't really feel the effect until about a year and a half later. Yeah, because everything would have been back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it like, I don't know what the process is, is it like, I guess it's part of the production, like while they're writing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you need writers? I guess it's not as impactful in movies because of the way, I guess, you just need- Yeah, usually a script is- Minus script changing or script, script doctoring, but I guess they have writers as well. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the best voice I've ever heard you do. So the other thing that happened while you guys, while you were away, P-Flex, was we got a new fucking king.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone went mad, um, and was obsessed with all of this garbage. Royal fever. Yeah. Oh man. Um, I dunno if you watched any of the twelve hour televised ceremonial nonsense, uh, PFLAG sips?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all very religiously leaning and also very traditional leaning because the last time we did this was 50 years or 60 years ago, even longer than that probably. And so as a result, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've tried to, apparently King Charles, as he is now, like took like four hours or something off this, you know, out. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charles is negotiating with the church. So Charles, we need to add all of this nonsense that's been, because it's tradition and otherwise God's going to be upset with us. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I prefer Eurovision, but you know, the coronation's fine. We'll probably have another one in a couple of years. It's not going to be long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's in the, uh, office as well. Oh, what character does she play in the office?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know who that is. No, I do. She's in stuff. I recognize her, sure. I watched a bit of Yellow Jackets, which I quite like. Yellow Jackets. Oh, is that the one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like lost only they've got flash forwards instead of flashbacks. So it's like, there's all these, um, this sort of teenage soccer team get stranded in Canada in the wilderness. And then there's, there's like flash forwards to when they're all late mid forties or maybe early forties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think they planned it quite carefully, i.e. they didn't, I guess this is a writing thing, right? They didn't, I don't feel like they knew necessarily who was going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Darryl in The Walking Dead, you know, he was intended to be there for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Norman Reedus. He was only supposed to be in it for, you know, an episode or something, but then he became, you know, the main character basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe not. Maybe he just, maybe he, maybe he, maybe he leaves. Maybe he leaves. I can't remember. But he's, according to the Wikipedia article, it says he's still alive, so I'm not sure. The comics are different to the show anyway, they obviously don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to have it holed up today. It's not one of those things that people say you should re-watch, you know. I see a lot of people saying, oh, how good Star Trek The Next Generation is and it's worth a re-watch and all this stuff, but I don't see people saying that about The Walking Dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lost Must was great. Really enjoyed season, season one of that. I watched, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's some good stuff out there. Uhm, I don't know, it's hard to, it's hard to keep track of it always. It's almost too much, honestly. Uhm, was it the party the other night with some people chatting about this sort of stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think the story goes that, like, I don't know if, I don't know where he got this from, but, um, she said, he said, oh, he thought she was a six, so he said eight, and she slapped him anyway. She slapped him!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then there's also like personal taste, there's sort of subjective, and there's also like age, you know, because if we were just measuring on a generic, you know, like age group, how is anyone over 35 ever going to get to be a 10, you know, kind of thing? Because it's relative, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's like a test though, like, I mean, there's a lot of questions that people ask on first dates, because in a sense you are trying to get, measure someone up, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have a, do you have another question? Tell me a random fun fact about yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there's this, well, it's the classic thing where people only want to talk about themselves really. And also the other thing that they, not that they recommend, is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of a creepy thing. They, the pick up people, Jeremy, they always say things like, oh, you should talk about something that's like exciting, like, like climbing in the Alps or something, or some holiday, right? And so that way it's like, cause then people tend to just chat about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Similar things, oh yeaah, that reminds me of a story that I have or that reminds me of an interesting that I did and if you, if you do, if you couldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's my, here's my theory right now. And this might not be true again, but I feel like everyone is now, online dating is a thing. Okay. And- It is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a woman or man wants to have a date with someone, they will usually go onto an online dating and if they're, say, if they know what they're doing or they're vaguely attractive, they will get hits, right, from people and they'll talk to them and blah blah blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Approaching someone in the street or at work or in any kind of IRL scenario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's starting to become borderline unpleasant, right? Because it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, like, I've been single for nine months now, and I haven't been on a single date, and I'm not keen to do it, right? I'm nervous about it, but I'm not nervous about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's good things and bad things about being single, there's good things and bad things about having an apartment, for sure. And I think that you just have to find a healthy balance. I think it's just, I think as an honourable man, you know, or I feel like there needs to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if, I dunno, I'm just, I'm, I'm pretty committed to something once I've committed to it. Even if, even if like, like too, too, for too long. Do you know what I mean? I almost like feel like I don't want to take advantage of people or at least be, or, you know, I dunno, I'm just not, I just want to be happy in myself. I don't look for that like fleeting pleasure, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how the thing you're most interested about a one night stand is the entomology or whatever it is of where the word came from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kind of looking forward to it, honestly, which is weird to say. I've been sick for a while and I'm like, let's just fucking see what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. We need to, we need like a, uh, we need to purposely lose a recording so then we can have like a really interesting The Lost Recording, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, wait, like long after the podcast is done and maybe like we're all dead and stuff, they find like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in the record store and I found a long lost recording, a missing podcast for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was pretty salty though, George Harrison. I think he thought a lot of stuff was crap, even though it wasn't necessarily crap, you know? Maybe. Like me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he would too. George, if you're interested, if you're out there, uhm, we've always got a spot for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could get a hologram of him, like all those bands are doing now. Oh, like Hatsune Miku, get some Japanese, uhm. Abba are doing it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe more commonly known. Although I suppose it depends on the part of the world that you're in, maybe Hatsune Miku is Trump's Abba in different parts of the world. I'm sure it does actually. Troubled me to holograms soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys enjoy, I just want to say a little callback to the last week's podcast. Did you guys enjoy all the research I did on UFOs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had lots of emails come in about Wisconsin, and as you know, the big wigs, the big boys out there are always selling your data between each other and stuff, so all of those Wisconsin emails coming through to Flax mostly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About people saying that there is a common theme. I don't know if you noticed when people would write in, they always said that tourism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sold the data to say these guys love Wisconsin, um, and they've identified that not only is that our email address, but we're also the hosts of this podcast, and they tied the two together. We're talking multiple millions, uh, in fees here for all of this data.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's, that's good. That's a good way to start the email because oftentimes if that's not anywhere in the subject line of the email, I just delete without reading because I know what's, what's coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and if it's not Wisconsin, let's face it, it'll be Pennsylvania or Luton or some other place that I've mentioned in the past. I mean, there's dozens of people that live in these places and they all seem to think that, uh, emailing me to complain about it is the way to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take it up with the tourism board is my advice to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was terrible, yeah. In the Netflix series, The Crown, there's an episode- That's where I first heard of it. Yeah, same here. That's where I'd first heard of it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No, no, she, she, they, they kind of criticized her because it took her a while to actually go out to the site to, you know, visit and, and lend support and stuff. It was, it was a couple of days. Perhaps her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, she's very much, uh, you know, like she, I think it's, it's, it's all to do with her sort of progression into becoming more, um, personable as a, as a monarch or whatever, you know? Like at first she, she had these ideas that she, you know, she had this very specific role and she didn't stray too far from it or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, you know, a couple of these things happened and she was, you know, she kind of doubled back on herself in some ways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He couldn't, yeah, he couldn't figure out which one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got those, you get those like weird like sweaty dreams where you, like it's impossible to solve. You know, you're like, I just need to use this composition, but it's not working and stuff like that. Like your mind won't let you have it. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to think if there's examples of, um, like real arseholes that have been, like, assassinated over the years. I mean, like, I know Mussolini, they, they, they publicly hanged, I suppose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I know, like, there's definitely some examples of, like, uh, I know there's- Oh, I'll tell you who was assassinated. Fucking Osama Bin Laden, there you go. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a guy who was shot dead in an airport, uh, and it was the father of a son that this guy had kidnapped and abused over the course of years and years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a gun in his boot, went to the airport where he knew that they were bringing him through or whatever, cause there was like press and stuff there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were very lenient. They were super lenient on him, yeah, because he'd had no prior anything. He had to clean up the airport terminal. He wasn't deemed a dangerous person or whatever, he was just acting entirely out of rage and grief or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't mean to be offensive or anything, but, like, my... I find British people can be quite eccentric. I find Americans can as well. And I mean, equally, Canadians. I've known some eccentric Canadians as well. You are not fucking wrong. No, we're very eccentric. I'm not surprised that a quarter of people would believe this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly don't mind it. I don't mind what you believe in, I don't mind what you spend your time doing, as long as it's not hurting somebody else, and as long as you're happy and having a fun time, I mean, more power to you. Carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The minute you start being aggressive or mean to other people or hurting other people or whatever, that's when I don't agree with you. But you can believe in whatever you want and do what you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll be like a, it'll be like a, it'll be like a honey trap. We'll have them on and we'll be like, yeah, yeah, very, very interesting. Okay. Well, uhm, thanks for coming on the show. And then as they walk outside, all like the police are just waiting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different states probably have different laws as well on that kind of thing. More worrying is the balls that have been developed on these people to read a random ad and actually turn up. Right. I mean, that's clearly not a first time. That can't not be first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely traumatize you though, like you would never, it would change you, you would never like view the world the same way again, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny to think though that all these people that, all these teachers that I had in school were, at the time I was like, oh what a fucking idiot, these people are so stupid or whatever, I'm the same age as them now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell her to do a portage instead. It's more fun and uh, you probably get more out of it and uhm, you just do it on your own. You don't need to do it like with, you know, there's nobody on that island that you uh, that you canoe to. It's just you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There must be, like, weather APIs that you can just pull all this data from, but- Yeah, but where's it coming from before that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think it follows, it follows him in the aftermath and then there's like some retrospective stuff. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, welcome everyone, welcome, welcome back. I really commented that intro, didn't I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, it's the alpha male energy that I give out, you know, it's the powerful masculine, um, vigor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was the Oscar's 15th birthday party last Friday night. We rented out this little bar. I guess it's one of these sort of wanky places that people is kind of around the back and I get the impression that it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It isn't a normal bar that people go to, it's kind of off the beaten track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got like these paintings hanging on the wall that you couldn't buy, they've all got price tags on them, do you know what I mean? I reckon local artists sort of, you know, give them to their place for free, and then with the idea that you're supposed to be able to buy them, and so- Wait, you're jealous of the local artists! You were tempted, you were tempted, it sounds like. They're like two or three grand each, these things, and they're like, not that impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I will. Um, no, but they had the, they had, they did a TikTok function earlier in the day with, with official TikTok, which I feel find,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is kinda weird, because obviously there's a lot of plus ones who we know quite well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, so it was kind of weird not having them there. Um, and then the few people there who.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, I haven't, I haven't seen for a while and who came along, like just managed to sneak their way in. Uhm, it was just really nice. It was really, really wholesome. Rich gave a little speech. He said to me, you're going to need to do a speech, Lewis. He told me this the day before and I spent the day thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should I prepare something? I asked Piri and I was like, what should I, what should I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Pyram was like, they don't really want to, you don't have to do a comedy set. You know, you don't want to stand up in front of them. They don't want, they don't care. Just say something cheesy, wholesome, inspirational and nice and, um, and say here's to another 15 years. So that's what I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would flood the whole building. It would be one of those things where I'd have to have those industrial fans to like, dry the building out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well then you gotta go, that's right. Anyway, the next day after that we played board games, well, Damien P. Flax hung out, played board games, we did cowboys, we did some zoo building, it was, we played some games, it was great. And then the day after that we did, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The task box viewing of the new task box episode that's coming out tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we played, we played, um, we did the new games night. We played the new, we played a minutes game. What were we doing in this game? Filmed that for games night. That took so fucking long. My God. We started at 11 and finished at seven. Yeah. And then we went to the, me and Pirran went to the wrong bowling alley. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, normally when Perian's down, I like to try and like give him to other people, you know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but now I've been around, I don't know, somehow I got glued on to everyone. I've had a really nice week actually. Everyone is exhausted though. Everyone is like telling me like, I don't want to do anything else. Please, uh, stop. Um, let's just have some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well we said we'd pick it up again. So anyway, that's, that's what we've been up to Sips. It's been a crazy week. Nice. And yeah, on top of that, I'm trying to do Jingle Jam prep, which is a nightmare, but it's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's kind of soul destroying. I've told you enough about it though. Let's move on from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I feel like a staycation is when you put a tent up in your garden, or when you, you know, pretend that you're going on holiday but you don't leave the house. Like, I think a holiday in the same country you live in is just a vacation, that's just a holiday, right? Stay at home. It's like a break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is that what that is? Yeah. People actually put that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, overly chirpy, I'd say. I don't mind. Again, I think that's not a red flag to me, either. Staycation, not a red flag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not chirpy enough to get with. I've, I've met a few people recently who do casually use things like hollybobs and stuff like this. They talk much more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have useful energy and vigor about them. And it makes, it makes me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Want to have that, but I don't. I have the same energy as you two right now. Uhm, the kind of slightly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Holly Bob sounds like one of them, yeah, like, like in chat, one of them was that you start using ironically and eventually it becomes unironic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this, what are these people, I guess- I could snuck anything I've ever done. This is a more accurate representation of someone than their pictures even sometimes, right? Like, if you can really get insight into what someone's like from that kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really drives it home. Go on, carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if I, I think, it depends who you're hanging out with, right? But you do tend to mimic their speech patterns. And I feel like I could very easily see myself slipping into these weird ways of speaking unconsciously, uhm, just to fit in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But sometimes go the opposite way as well and order very weird, very Englishly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After cancellation of Hot Mess Festival amid diarrhea complaints.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes that, that fucks with your mind though, right? Like you think that you are like a Buzz Lightyear doll or something. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you've, you're a kid, right? And you've seen all these even more lifelike dolls in the supermarket. You might think that's where you came from. That's like a more plausible origin story than whatever the fuck actually happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think kids are obviously taking a risk, aren't they? They're always going to be like, what happens if I, you know, if I push this, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You only did 50% in the first two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeah, so obviously the idea of this podcast is that it's kind of relatively timely, like a lot of the time we record the podcast and it'll go out the next week, but the mailbag has been a real help to fill in those gaps when you guys are away, or I'm away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think actually, do you know what it is? It's really just luck. Like a lot of the time, we got a little bit ahead and then we went away and then we got a little bit ahead and every single time it just tends to be, we've just, just got enough podcasts to cover us. Every time we got exactly the right amount. We're not really trying. A lot of the time, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This podcast is treated fairly casually. We don't stress out over it. If someone can't make it for whatever reason, we're just like, okay, we'll do it next week. Um, but, and so we're not intended to be a hundred percent. It just is, it's luck. So, but thank you for noticing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate you noticing because I'm proud of it. I'm actually really proud that we've managed to be consistent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just going through the motions with it now. You're just trying to poop it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Wow. That sounds great. That's like, you know, sheep brain. Yeah. That's like good. That's like kind of good weather. They can like cook that all up on the barbecue, right? You get it fresh. Yeah. You could barbecue that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Halloween season, we're brought to you by Manscaped, who have taken a step up from last year's Ball-o-ween to bring your face the cleanest shave it's ever seen. So this season,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No need for toilet trouble, Manscaped's all new Handyman is the best way to get rid of that stubble. Featuring a compact design and next generation skin safe technology, the Handyman was designed to give you a smooth finish without the mess of a traditional shave. So get the sweetest treat this Halloween by going to manscaped.com


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And use the code TRIFORCE for 20% off plus free shipping. It may be spooky season but you don't want to scare people with your scraggly beard. Give them something to look at with Manscaped's Handyman. For wet and dry use, feel free to bring this anywhere and everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Compact design and airplane friendliness make this the perfect travel tool on the go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being able to shave up to three days growth without the mess of a wet shave is priceless. For wolf men with a little more scruff, Manscaped's Beard Hedger Pro Kit


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has everything you need to tame your mane. This cordless trimmer has a rotary wheel that gives you 20 haircutting lengths, all with a single guard. So no more drawers full of extra add-ons collecting cobwebs. Halloween costumes may take a lot of effort, but beard grooming doesn't need to. You can get 20% off and free shipping with the code TRIFORCE at manscape.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use the code triforce. For a look as sweet as candy, get yourself the Handyman from Manscaped. On with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's going to go to the wild place? You know, people look up, people go to somewhere and they look up the zoo and they go to the zoo. They're not going to look up the wild place. What's that even?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's miles away, it's just gonna be school trips going there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you should make up your own rules as long as you spiritually believe you saw the essence of that country. That's fine. Right? Like I don't, I don't like the idea of just being in the airport. I think you have to get out of the airport. Do you mean? Yeah. I feel like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind the stay the night rule, but I also think that you don't necessarily need that. Like if you've walked around Vatican city for the day, you've fucking seen 90% of that country. That's more than any other fucking country you're going to see in a day, you know, or whatever. I mean, I haven't seen 90% of the UK, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could 100% the Vatican city quite easy, right? Go to all the pubs. I think you could. Go to all the museums. Do you know what I mean? Like you could, you know, check out a lot of it. Um, have a walk around and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whereas that's, that's, so I guess, you know, I don't necessarily agree with the overnight camping bit. I think you just have to feel a sense of, of, of, of awareness. You know, I've seen this a couple of, I've seen a couple of, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People on the dating apps have got like country counted tickets. They're like, oh, 76 out of 148 or whatever. And they're very proud of that. And that's, I think it's a fun idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These guys, they're almost like little toddlers. You have to keep them safe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Those, those three are, are exactly the kind of people I would imagine would be doing this sort of dark tourism stuff. That's kind of what it is, isn't it? It's like going to Chernobyl or something, you know, or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this lunatic, there's this lunatic on YouTube who's this Ukrainian guy who's Russian speaking and he visits Chernobyl with his mates and they, they mess around in the reactor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's absolutely, they drank some water from the flipping under the power plant. Like insane dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, one of them, one of them went to the doctor with, and they said he had light radiation poisoning or light radiation sickness. And they said, drink some peppermint tea. That was the fucking thing that the doctor said for them to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, that is uhm, that is, who is doing that? Like, ugh, it's crazy. It is, it's- How many views do they get though? God knows, quite a lot if we're talking about it, I assume. We're pretty late to the party. You know, if we've heard about something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting in on this. It's a new trend. Literally, I mean, the sarcophagus, I guess, has been built deliberately for this exact reason, to stop idiots breaking in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes people like to just do fun, jokey, silly stuff, like two. Two, I think I could easily see someone like, you know, fucking a YouTuber like Max Fosh or someone, you know, do this as their thing. Oh, I made a fake sorting hat profile and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that one where you match with strangers on video and there's always, there's some, there's always viral clips about people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then also like sometimes I think when you're on Tinder, it's all very serious. It's very much like, Oh God, you know, it's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was pretty fun. That's good. There's a good, there's a good, um, someone in chat says big Russian Vladimir. This is, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this Russian guy who dresses up like a proper pink, pinky-haired girl, anime streamer, really cute. And, um, and he speaks with this like really light girly voice for a little while, but then suddenly he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but yes, oh, big fan. So I think sometimes people just get a bit like overwhelmed by the seriousness of these day insights. So I can imagine swiping on something that's a silly profile at sorting out. There aren't enough of them on there to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's very sad. Yeaah. It's uhm, it's very soul-crushing. I think it's very hard to handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my God, it is chivalries on life support for sure. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, thank you. Like bits of sheep that have been hit by, hit on the train tracks nearby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if, if, sorry, we'll wait. By the way, this commonly happens during the podcast. I don't know whether it gets cut, but this commonly happens that Sips just leaves for some reason for five minutes and then comes back and says, sorry, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bin man got stuck in my head or some dumb shit. Do you mean, oh, sorry, sorry. The, the builders who are doing the sewage line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I needed a cup of tea. You know, there'll be, what do you think it is going to be today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'm so excited. I want him to come back right now. Away we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. We thought you were going to go, fuck me. Oh man. Oh, the delivery guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you got the cold hard facts. The crinkling. Yes, Simon. Thank you. Um, I think that's, that's likely that to be the case. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's hard, I heard it was hard to get the suits off, is what I'm saying. So it's a little bit like, you're trans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe your furry fursona is not yiffable, Emma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, I don't actually even know. Is it like the sorting hat again? Is it like, you know, they wouldn't want to actually have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, what if you like put, you know how stuff comes out of the sawing hat, like sometimes like, um, like swords and things, like sawing hat seems to keep things in it. I don't know if you know the Harry Potter lore. What if you put the sawing hat on and it just, oh jeez, like ran out from all these people who'd fucked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think that's actually not a date then, is it? They're just, you know, that's just fooling around with your then partner, I assume girlfriend or boyfriend at that point. You're not dating him. Well, I guess you're not dating him, but that's not like a, I mean, that's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would not fly early on. But months in, maybe you could get away with it. Two months! Judge the room though. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, anyway, e-either way this, I'm trying to make excuses for it, but either way this is terrible. Do ne-never do this. This is insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone, we loved you, thank you, this was uh, this was like, it's nice doing lives and it's basically the same, same shit. I get to see your beautiful faces when we're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. I've obviously been dating lately, I haven't had any bad dates, but I would love to tell you if I did, but that might be because I'm too picky. Maybe I should just start going out with anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's already hard when you're seeing someone, right? Because you are scared about that in the back of your mind, right? You have to be safe out there, everyone. It's always awkward as well to talk about it. Is this something that you're thinking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being like, oh, just fuck it, I'm just gonna be celibate for the rest of my life, do you know what I mean? It's one of those things, isn't it, where you're like, people are gross and they've got gross illnesses, and they're gross anyway, I'm just gonna sit in my fucking apartment and just watch porn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The take is, it's never gonna be romantic to say, you know, we should be tested for these things, right? But I think you have to wear protection until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for both of you, until you can both get tested together, or at least like, not together, but you know, at the same time. Cause I think then that opens up intimacy after that, right, and comfort after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's bizarre, the whole thing. Okay, I can understand the karma, like, the idea of fate, like, someone is all spiritual or whatever and they're like, well, you know, you obviously got bad juju.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there's, um, this thing with bars sometimes where they have this very shitty chic thing going on where they have all mismatched furniture, a load of different frames of things like haphazardly on the walls, they've got like old rusty, some old fucking rusty weighing machine or piano or hookah or something weird, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they seem to be over, you know, they'll have really expensive cocktails there, do you know what I mean? 20 quid for a cocktail. And I think those places you can sit in for a drink, but you wouldn't wanna spend the whole night there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You let her in and it's like, oh, more of this, like, alright, fine, you can leave now. Jesus. Uhm, that's a bad one, dude. I feel like there's a lot of this. Cause you can't, you can't know what someone's gonna be like. No, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you gotta imagine, there's all these podcast listeners to this podcast, listen to us rant about garbage shit, day in, day out. Do you know what I mean? So, maybe, like, one of our listeners would be the perfect person for her. You never know. Oh, maybe. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a list of red flags, I was saying to Pyrrhon earlier, like, I told you someone on the podcast, having a camper van, or at least, like, not being grown up enough to still basically be on their gap year, and I don't mind, like, a couple doing like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A gap year type holiday before they get married or something like that. That's fine. Especially if they didn't do it when they were, you know, fresh out of uni or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just about to go to uni or whatever, but I feel like some people are still on their gap year, they've never stopped. They're all just, or they're like, clearly a party person who is clubbing all the time, or all the contoured makeup, that's one. I know, I have a lot of red flags, actually, but I'm slowly learning more and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a pretty unusual one. I mean, I think it's more, you're more likely to see people who say things like that, they don't have any filter. Do you know what I mean? Or they're rude to like, servers or whatever, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, I don't know, it goes hand in hand with that, right? Like, that kind of lack of awareness. But if you've got someone... I think that actually, to me, shows more that they're just not interested in you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, do you know what I mean? Cause I think if someone is interested in you, they're gonna be trying to be nice to you, right? Or from both sides as well. I think you shouldn't take any shit from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what the first date is for, right? Because then you can squirrel that away and be like, eh, alright, I'll just have a nice chat with this person and I won't, I'll say thanks, I won't see you again. You know what I mean? That's fine to do. Because you never, that's, you never gotta get a real picture of people until you meet them. True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard, it's hard, it's actually really hard for men on dating sites, so if you're struggling, I feel fucking sorry if you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the things I've been on have been pretty miserable and awful, so it's tough, right? But uhm, I've also had some good outcomes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on a date the other day, all the dates I've had have been through Hinge, by the way. I was on a date the other day, and we were in this place, uh, she recommended it, it was like a restaurant, and uhm, so the waitress comes over, who she knows, and is like, oh, another date!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would period do? Simpson and period are gonna love this! I genuinely think that if you have something really embarrassing and awkward happen to you, like what I told you about in the last mailbag, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could either keep that inside and feel bad and awkward and embarrassed about it, or you could just fucking... Let it out. ...tell everyone. Yeah, yeah. And laugh about it and make it into a fun... And it's not always the case, but mostly the case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you can, a problem shared is a problem changed into... A problem enjoyed. A problem enjoyed, yeah. Changed into laughing. A problem enjoyed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, he's really like, y'know, dived deep into that world, isn't he? Brave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, what was I doing at 19? Not that, that's for god damn sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what you're supposed to do, is it? But, you know, I think a lot of people get suddenly freedom, right? University or college is like, the sudden, I'm living on my own, I can do whatever I want, I can see whoever I want as much as I want, kind of thing. For me it was just playing, uh, MMOs. Mostly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeaah, and I didn't hate it. I didn't, I didn't hate it. Uhm, man, these are some, these are some fascinating fucking chats we've had this week. I'm really enjoying this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think it's, I think I am annoying, because I'm allergic to nuts, I'm allergic to a few other things, I'm trying not to eat certain types of, like certain things, and it's a pain going to a restaurant with me, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was talking to someone who also had some other allergies, do you know what I mean, and then they were like, imagine we're in a restaurant, and I have to explain all of my allergies, you have to explain all of your allergies, are we just like the fucking most Karen couple ever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what happened to us, remember, in Sips, when we went to Morton's with you, and you couldn't even eat the fries because they had bacon on, do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People you're with care sometimes that you're having a good time and they- and this is what I've run into sometimes, is like, people worried that I'm not gonna have a good time with them because I can't eat anything. I'm fine, I can just eat a fuckin' banana, you know what I mean? Like, I'm cool. But it means it's tricky, really, because I think sometimes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I love it when people just organize stuff. I think it's a very attractive thing. And I think generally other people find this attractive too. When other people are like, oh, we're going, I booked this thing or we're going here or we're doing this. But the worst thing is to be, oh, what shall we do? Oh, I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Like it's always just so nice if someone has taken the initiative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, some of the nicest things are the ones that weren't planned, or some of the happiest days of your life were not planned at all. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Like, uh, like my kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no. Okay, so the way this works is a little bit like the Nigerian prints with the scam emails, right? They are deliberately badly spelled because they want idiots to fall for it, right? It prunes out all of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Specifically looking for a pick-up hook-up. Right. By being that sexual in his first comment. Right. Noted. And that was why you'll get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes some people are looking for that, you know. If you, if you say, if you said the first message like, ah, I can't wait to spend time on my ranch with my dogs. Do you know what I mean? Or whatever. I'd know something like, like really, or like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking forward to our kids' first day at school! Again, it's gonna like, it's gonna have a deterministic effect on who's gonna respond to that. Interesting. So yeah, it's a common thing to think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's insane. That sounds terrifying, but also, uhm, a known threat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think the prankers aren't necessarily on skateboards. Do you know what I mean? That to me doesn't gel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, maybe they'll be on rollerblades? What's the difference? Well, you know, there's a cultural difference between skateboards and rollerblades. I guess, but I mean- They're very different. Very different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That must be her thing, maybe, but she's saying it can't be her thing. Very strange. We all want what we can't have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awkward. That is, cause that's what you're constantly second guessing yourself, you're like, oh no, oh no. What do you reckon his mum said to him after? She seems nice. SHE SEEMS NICE!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mailbag. It's the mailbag. That's right, we're away this week, so it's time for some questions we recorded in advance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, okay, so the three, the four, the four of us are going, oh, her man and her mother lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was going, I was going anyway, I was, I always try and go away somewhere for a week before a single jam. Oh yea. Usually with someone. Right. But sometimes on my own. And uhm, in this case I was just going anyway, so I was like, oh damn, I'll just, I'll just stay near you. You just invited yourself to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, basically. You just tacked, you just tacked on. I kinda elbowed my way in. It'll be fine. It's fun. It's nice when there's more people to hang out with. Um, the option, nice to have an option. Anyway, that's uh, let's get on with some letters. You want some baggery? Yeah, I'm a bit worried. Bag me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was not personally, however, the guys at Loose Cannon have long been friends. They used to do our, um, drinks at the Jingle Jam, uh, during the cocktail, not sure we used to have that little bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where some barmen would come down and do drinks for us. I remember that. They were super, super nice guys. I'm honestly amazed that their, like, independent cocktail bar is still going. It survived Covid, it like, is, yeah, it's hard to keep a bar in a sort of slightly, what I imagine is a tricky location.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's like, it's, it's nice, but not, but not well trodden, I don't think. Like, particularly. But it goes up and down. I think sometimes it's like, fucking, death zone there, and other places, other times, so many places, I think everywhere, every city has them, like, you know, where you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, I posted on, I posted on Instagram about it. Uhm, so yeah, we got up, we got, we haven't drunk the last one from last year, but Ravs is going to open it during the night one of Jingle Jam. Wow. What do you mean? Because, well, Ravs won the bottle of Bollinger last year, but he didn't open it at the time. So we're going to open it on the night one of- No, no. That's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got a few, like, fun things to do during Jingle Cats, I think that'll be one of them. Crack and open the old double magnum F1 style, spray it over everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a Jamaican Kush. It's like a, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd be great in like, the North Pole, you know, where the girl force wins, gives him the boner and then the icebreaker cracks through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a classic American pie style idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got two things. So one, shout out to all the gentlemen who have a boner, but you know, it's just unnoticeable. You know, I, for me, I'm never like, I don't think people notice. Uh, do you know what I mean? So that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's always a little bit of a trouser bulge anyway. I feel like my trousers are loose enough that I don't, I'm looking down now and I'm thinking, would people know, I mean, maybe, I mean, they could see the outline of my phone in my pocket, I guess, if they're looking for it, but like, I dunno, I've just never had that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it depends how raging it is though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I think, I think don't worry too much about it, like, it's, it's a nice thing, I think. Yeah, there you go. And you're lucky to have that, uhm. Problem. Yeah. Problem. Not a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, no, but like, in Japan, McDonald's and Starbucks, that actually is their name. That's Korea. Ma-ma-Macadonald. Macadonaldo. Macadonaldo. And Sta-Stardabucksu, or whatever it is. Like, it is actually called that. Is it on the signage? Well, yeah, it's in the- it's in kanji, pronounced like that, or whatever. Interesting. Yeah, so it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're like in awe of this thing. It's insane. It's not très grand, it's train grand. Yeah, it's train à grande vitesse. I always thought it was très, très grand, like very fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is exactly- I did this, uhm, I would stuff the papers in front of the telly and then my mum or my dad would drive me to the road and sit in the car at the end of the road while I went up and down doing all the papers and they were just sat in the car waiting for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They drive you home again. I think it was more of a lesson, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Oh man. It's almost like being asked to look after someone's cat or whatever, except, can you look after my job for two weeks? Yeah, we didn't, we never did any like, pet city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her genre of music. She's the voice of her generation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's changed though, and I think a lot of people have grown up with her, and I think the fact that she kind of, again, we don't know how, you know, these days people are very aware of their image, they have a very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think, I think it feels, she feels a lot more genuine, like Taylor Swift, right? Though I think at least she gives, gives that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of like, I dunno, she seems like a very positive vibe though, a lot of good messages, not like, embroiled in controversy, doesn't have any really weird takes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am only messing with you, but I think often you do get people who are obsessive fans and they're blind to, they're in the minority.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's okay to like something and identify in a group of fans who also share a shared joy, that's fine. But I think if you're gonna start campaigns about someone you don't really know, then you need to reassess your priorities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, alright, good. I'm glad we brought it back onto the, uh, the dad chat. Yeah. That's good. No, I agree. I agree. Let's bring back, uhm, ACDC and... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ain't down for no scams. I ain't doing none of the scams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, he means, he means like you put like, oh, you know, some, some Taylor Swiss reference, you know, you're like, oh, like some song lyrics from a famous song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, up your ass, yeah. That's the one. I think that the one we got suggested is arguably worse. I mean, it's very graphic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, there's some real bad ones. That's a nasty one. It feels so uncouth, like, it feels like way more offensive than just saying swear words, right? Like, but yeah, I think some of those, some of those, yeah, like real bad. Alright, let's move on. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is, who is, who are these people, who are doing these, I guess, normal people, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is, Sydney's a massive sprawling metropolis with like 5-10 million people there, right? It's got a lot of people in it. And as a result, like, the central area where I was, in a hotel around the harbour, was quite nice. You know, I got a boat, I went around the opera house, I went to the beach. You got a boner while you were there!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just Australia. Everyone was just hanging out there, you know, just let it all hang out. No, it was nice. I'd been chickens and I had a nice time in Sydney. I'd go back. I would go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I didn't see the dumpy areas of it. You know, I wasn't there long enough to... No. Every, every city center, if you just stay right in the middle, it'll be quite different. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, we stayed in a different area of Paris for TwitchCon than I've ever been to and it was a lot shitter than the NYSEC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was not as, not as nice as some of the others, but it was still nice. Like actually, like comparatively, I didn't, I didn't hate it. But yeah, I think, I think if I were to go again, I would go probably not, I probably wouldn't go to Melbourne. I'd probably go to the Gold Coast or whatever. That's where I'd go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I think we should go, you know, as much as then again, I still haven't done the strip club like you said we were going to do for my 40th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should, we should share our experiences. You know, Perian can teach us how to go to a strip club, I can teach you how to go to Australia, Sips can teach us how to go on the car ferry, and then all the trains and friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, why not just get your husband or yourself to invest in some headphones so you don't have to listen to what the other person is listening. Then you can both be happy. Yes, true, that's a good point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they go. End on an apology. I think that's the best way to, to, uh, to make this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the Triforce podcast, I was on holiday for two weeks. Two weeks, man, how was that? I had, I've got like a golden aura of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where'd you go, Marbs? I went to Paris, uh, for TwitchCon. Oh, how was TwitchCon? TwitchCon was, was good. Right. Uhm, it's, I've talked about this a bit, it's strange because, you guys have been to some sort of TwitchCon event before, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, I go every year. I'm a speaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The main event, yeah. So yeah, I got there quite late, everyone else had gone the day before and done, like, some tourist stuff, but I, for some reason, got there late. And I missed the partner party, which is like, the thing that people go for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's got this weird dynamic to it, which I've spoken about a little bit, but uhm, where basically everyone in the room is a partner, right? So everyone has gotten enough subscribers somehow, or in some way to get to be partnered, right? Which I don't know what the limit is on Twitch anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had to buy our own tickets, it's not like we get to go there for free, you know, it's kind of... Twitch does want to monetise their partners as well as their audience, right? And so it's this huge, huge room, which is the partner lounge, right, which is supposed to be quite glamorous, but isn't really, there's a lot of people in it, like, I'd say, pfff, 500 maybe? Jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone, again, like, when you walk around and you're looking, partly you're looking for people that you might recognise, okay? Right. They're also looking at people who they might recognise. Yeah. And so you have this weird dynamic where you're not sure if people are looking at you because they recognise you, or they think you're... Looking at them. ...recognising them. Yeah. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's kind of weird, like, going around. Did you recognise anyone? Yeah, I recognised some big streamers. And I recognised my friends, obviously. I got there right at the end, though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was in like a greenhouse, it was super super hot in there, it was like, everyone was sweating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we went to various, we were at various other bars and parties, but that didn't really do the actual con.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of our guys in the group are actually quite socially competent, unlike me. And so they book all the book, y'know, make sure we're on all the lists for all these various parties. There was a TikTok party we went to, which is pretty weird. And also, like, the crowd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who they are. You know, you talk to someone, and they're a million... They're the experts throwing up. They've thrown up, or they throw up in every country in the world, that's their thing. And they've got a million...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's algorithm based, right? So if something's popular and doing popular, it'll be shown to more people and it'll just get more and more popular. Um, and we've got a guy, you know, Tom Bates in the office, he does animations that are really, really, really cool. And he's built up this massive TikTok following.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, over the last couple of months. Yeah. It's, it's, it's Nigel and Marmalade. You should check it out. Uhm, well you probably already know it. You probably already see it. I do not know that, but I will check it out. Yeah, they're really funny, they're really good, like, it's really, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just possible for people who are really talented to just, you know, get some stardom through the algorithm. I'm sure there's tons of people who are really talented getting no stardom, but, you know, that's just how it works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like if any time in a restaurant I get up and I go into the, I'm going somewhere where I'm walking around, they know I'm probably going to look for the bathroom. I almost, I'm like, I could just, the hand signal was just like, I tilt my head, I'm like, huh? And then they're like, ah, in the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna catch on. I feel like that's not actually that bad of an idea, but I also feel like there's nothing for it to grapple onto, right? There's no, y'know, you need to start with the trends, and then move into original content after you've got a big audience, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe more people need to use that to get out of situations. But the sticky dump excuse. Yeah, the really kind of over the top funny excuse, right? Just like imagine someone knocks on your door, and you're wanking in there, right? And they're like, are you wanking in there? It's a joke. And you're like, yeah, ha ha ha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to, but you have to like, it's hard, but imagine you weren't wanking there, and they knocked on the door, and was like, oh, you're wanking there, and then you're like, oh, you can lead into the joke at that point, right, because you're not taken, they didn't get it, they didn't guess right. Okay, how about this though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes there's a fine line between making a joke about some- like, imagine, as you just wanted to get out of a meeting, you didn't actually need a shit, but you could use the, I need a shit, like, as a joke, if you know what I mean, to get out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you could just, if they called you on that, you could just say, well, you know, I had some bad prawns or something. Yeah, just some really bad diarrhea. Yeah. I guess, I guess it depends, you have to be a certain level of confidence to pull this kind of shit off, is what I'm saying. And I don't think I'm, I don't think I trust myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After I went to Paris, I went straight to Corfu, uhm, where I went on holiday with some friends who were sort of, sort of an odd group. There's this, this couple that I met a while ago, Tom and Becky, they're really, really lovely people. They've somehow put together this disparate group of random people, there's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a couple of artists, a couple of Instagram people, a couple of ex YouTubers, uh, Sparkles from, uh, the Rock Band Area 11 and also Yogscast back in the day. Yeah. And a few other people who were in, in different walks of life. One like travel vlogger, blogger, one, um, another musician.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we just, it was just, they were so lovely, it was so nice, like, I dunno, like, it was just such a nice time, cause there was always someone who was, we had a little whatsapp group and there was always someone who was like, oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was bliss, dude, honestly. The resorts like, a little bit, kind of, little bit gross, like it's a little bit rundown, just in this like, seaside, cool food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would I put myself on a frozen vessel going into the north of the world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. That does sound actually doable. It was nice. I guess you don't go out on the deck very often. Well, as much as you want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Okay. Yeah, that's true. Uhm, that's what I'm bang-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I've always had a soft spot because of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I think Douglas Adams was a big fan of the Fjords, and remember one of the characters was very proud of creating them, or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Because, there was like, Earth was designed by this... was it Slarty Bartfart? I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he was, he was, and I, yeah, I feel like there's, there's something similar in New Zealand, the South Island, I think, with uhm, on the coast, which is very similarly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well god, that's my jam. Did you go from London? Did you fly to Norway and get on there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went, like, there was hair in the sink in the bathroom, and the sheets on the beds were, like, a bit, kind of, like, not, like, dirty, like, had dirt on them in places, and, like, d'you know what I mean? It was, like, kinda gross, right? A little bit gross. And I was like, why the fuck am I come back here? Because the first night, because I got in quite late, uhm, went, like, almost straight to bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, the aircon's like, really janky, so I'm like, hot, and then, the uhm, it was like, it got cool, it worked itself out, but, like, that first night, there were like, so many bugs in my room, like, mosquitoes, like, as soon as I would doze off, there'd be like this little, whee, in your ear, and you'd have to like, slap a mosquito, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were proper big, and I swear to god I killed about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which actually worked fine, uhm, I did have a problem with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it has wooden citrus in it, so that could possibly be something that scares away... They hate that shit. I think. Bugs, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a whole, so they got out and went in, you sailed to shore and got into this, went into this restaurant on the, on the, in the resort, which is a really nice restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, at the same time, both a shitty English resort, but also the billionaires are eating there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I guess that just goes to show that it's, it's, you know, what you get. Um, but yeah, there was like some interesting stuff. There's a van that drives up and, or I think he drives around the island, but he does drive up and down the beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like ASMR. Anyway, Tom said, I said, why not buy him from me if he's just, if he's creepy, I don't care. And Tom was like, well, I saw him pissing in the sea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, no no no, he was like, he was standing with his like, he just pulled his pants down on the beach, pissed in the sea, and then like, just turned around, as if like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all very like, it's not like, there's always, they're always like in these compromising positions as well, like leg spread, like, gooch on full display. And I'm like, I don't need to see old men's hairy gooches, like up and down the beach, left and right and centre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so, the next day, I thought, fuck it, I'm gonna walk the other way down the beach, alright, and see where that goes. And so I'm walking down the beach, and again, there's like another whole bunch of fucking nudists there, and I'm like, we've come to this resort by accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Balance. Anyway, so, it's, uh, it was, that was something I can't, I'm just glad I wasn't wearing my glasses, you know what I mean, because it helped, definitely, with the, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the, with the burned into my retinas issue. I don't need to see so many of the, so many old men's ass-crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think the whole, the whole, all of it is, none of it's good. Even like, when you look at it like, you know, the government paid out tons of money to, when they abolished slavery, but it was to recompense rich people for the loss of their slaves. Do you know what I mean? None of it ever went to the slaves. There was all sorts of horrible stuff that happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, this, this history is, is, is, yeah, it's pretty, pretty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty nasty. How many relatives, sorry, how many tiers up is this great-grandfather? Do you know what I'm asking, I guess, is how many, how many great-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but the mother side, like the mother, the matrilineal line is more reliable because a lot of people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if you go back like ten generations, right, there's gonna be ten different men, and that means there's much more chance that your father wasn't, that the man wasn't actually the father. But the mother is always the mother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it just a quick marriage to hush it up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always am dubious when people go back in line of like a long father line, like how much of that DNA actually is theirs. Especially since it's already like 130 tooth or 164, it's quite, quite quickly, you know, within like five generations, you've, you've doubled, you keep doubling your number of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, grandparents, right? So, it's like when people say they're half French or whatever, and I'm like, oh, your mum was French. They're like, oh no, my grand- my grandparents were French.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, this is pretty unpleasant to learn that you're descended from slave owners though, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ. It's hard to know. What a revelation. I don't know what I would do if I watched that episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't it someone like Benedict Cumberbatch who recently had a plantation that he sold or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he had a, the seventh great-grandfather of Benedict Cumberbatch had a plantation, and he, his family, could face a claim for damages over its historical lease to slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a place called Drax Hall Estate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plunkett, Richard Plunkett Earldrax, is a quadruple barreled surname, he is actually a current MP, he's also a captain, he owns a big slave, ex-slave plantation, and apparently Cumberbatch is a part of that family. And they're looking to try and get it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because he made money through slavery, that money stayed with the family, he was rich, wealthy, had a good education, was posh, was able to get theatre training, and that money has, down the centuries, given him this career where he's made billions. He hasn't made billions. There's no way he's made billions. He's made a couple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah. I feel like, yeaah, I don't know how- I don't know enough about this, honestly, to make it cool. That's difficult. It's a deep topic we've just waded into from talking about old men's gooches through to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's quite hot in Barbados, so I assume that, you know, he probably, maybe he, I dunno, was he in a cult as well?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes these Greek myths aren't really necessarily fleshed out. They're full of characters, but you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No. He ruins the meal. This is a Larry David thing as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The washing machine drawer, the little drawer for the detergent might be a little dirty, I apologise about that, the cleaner couldn't come in and finish the job, but also we've left some milk and sugar for you, like a fuckin' Airbnb harvest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you always see them in car parks? Like I get why you always see them in car parks, but at least, at least if you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, hello, hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. So energetic. Hello. This guy's full of video vigor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. Well your internet speed dodgy. You're talking to your MP. I am. Next week I saw about complaining about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you've basically got a whole family of Hellhouse Sickhouse, of the Leper colony, going, and you've decided now was the time to replace toilet seats, but you ordered some from America and didn't miss it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never even had to, I've never even considered, not even the back of my mind, that one day I might have to replace a toilet seat. You've never had to replace a toilet seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a respect thing, right, where I think I was like this growing up in my parents' house, I was not as careful with the house. No. Right? Because I didn't feel any investment in it, any ownership over it, any... Yeah, you take it for granted. Oh, of course. Right? And so I wasn't, of course I didn't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I weirdly did this the other day, cause like I've got a bunch of stuff, like wobbly handles and loose like bits of my, in my flat, and I got, um, I got, I realised my, um, little thing has a screwdriver on it, so I started fixing some of these screws, and then I- Your little thing has a screwdriver on it? My little pen knife thing has a screwdriver on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and I ended up like, cause I noticed the fridge door was wobbly, cause it's like a fridge that's built into the cupboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is the same, we've got this Fallout Boy statue, Vault Boy statue in the office, right, of the Fallout, and it got dented and dinged up loads and loads, and so they sent us like a little repair kit with like five, um, different colours of paint, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was like, oh, I'll just, I'll just dab this on, you know, cause it will surely be colour matched immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll put a little bit more colour on around the edge to try and like blend it in, you know? But I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not fucking visually very good at this either, like, and so before I know it, like, this, it's like, he's got, he looks like he's got like some skin disease now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I shoulda just left it, because, do you know what I mean, I think the Fallout vault boys look battered up, right, anyway. They don't look like they've got sauce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dance and dance. Dance and dance. Yeah, yeah. So uhm, well, so, anyway, I hope everyone gets themselves sorted out P-flags. Yeah, it is what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I've been thinking about this because I guess, like, for a long time, certainly when I was in a relationship as well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be the one organising stuff, you know, I'd be like, let's go to this place that I wanna go to, and I think throughout my life that's been the case too, like, if I wanna do something, like play a game, or go somewhere, like New Zealand, I'm gonna be the one organising that, and inviting people along, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's, that way you get to do the things you wanna do, right, usually. But ever since I've been single, I've kind of not wanted to organise holidays where it's just me, going away. Even with other people. But weirdly, to fill that void, I've made some new


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also it's fun to go somewhere with someone too, right? Yeah, I realised that, cause I saw my 2023 timeline or whatever, and all the places I went, literally the five or six countries I went, were all organised by someone else, or I was invited there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was sort of a first for me, really, so I've sort of realised, and again, this centrepox thing, it's not something I would ever go, and I know, I wanted to mention it because I know you go quite often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, well I don't really know what to expect, cause I think, if people don't know what Center Parks is, do you wanna explain it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, a little bit like, basically, I feel like a lot of the time what happens is these- they- because this friend group comes from a whole bunch of different people, and a couple of them-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't wanna say don't have much money, but I'm quite frugal with how they go on holiday, right? And so, they basically found a deal for, like, the cheapest cabin for a week, right? And, as a result, it's like SO cheap. It's like fifty quid between, y'know, each kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't- I think I'd have to- I haven't- I'll see, I'll see how it is this week, and if it's worth buying. When are you going?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I am going all day with a bunch of adults, I honestly do recommend it. I think it's interesting, the dynamic's interesting, often people don't, we don't really cook together as a group, or we don't really, like, take assigned roles, and people don't get up at any kind of specific times, or there's no scheduling at all, like, someone's neurotic because they've forgotten their meds or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually I'm going to the one which is like close to PFLAX I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on there. It was like 2000 to 2015. There was this computer system that sort of, um, went wrong with all the, with all the, it was installed on all the postmasters, and the people who basically ran a load of local post offices were accused of fiddling the books. Not just a couple though, over the course of 15 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, of course, with this sort of stuff, it's a capitalist, corporate, awful shithole, where the executives were given bonuses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For every person that they convict- convicted. It's appalling. Everyone who got prosecuted, they got a bonus. So of course it's in their incentive to keep it going. They're like, oh god, look at- every time I get- convict someone, I get paid. It's actually insane. And when this all news broke of it, of course,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, ten years ago or whatever, nothing was done, all these people are still in prison, there's a bunch of them in prison, turd down. Like, I'm stunned, cause I heard about this a long time ago, and I couldn't believe that people were still in prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know, it's actually such a, it's a really good example of a story of uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need this level of rage that you have just shown for stuff to change. It is frustrating and I'm optimistic, you know, I wanna be. I think that's my New Year's resolution to try and be more positive about things, right? And try and see that things are getting better and improving. But I think when things like this happen,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In order to make positive change to the world, you can't be positive, you kind of have to be pessimistic, you have to share like the dire warnings, like look,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, basically, I mean, I remember back in the day as a sad guy who kind of was very overweight, but also kind of originally he sort of made these joke videos as this character, Francis, who was kind of a big, big nerd, right? And the idea was that people kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like a big, I think he played, might have even played World of Warcraft, and he just would make these kind of ranty weird videos about his character being weird, and then obviously transitioned into a real YouTuber, but I think was continually struggling with his weight, and eventually got his stomach clipped, I think, that's the thing, the gastric band surgery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was the last I heard, and that was about five years ago. And then he went into the prostitute city. Great. What a fucking journey. What a fucking journey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Average fibre availability in London is fifty percent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could get kicked out of that place any time. Oh shit, yeaah, he is renting, you're right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you tried writing, like, on a paper airplane? It would be quicker. Have you tried pigeons? It's very tempting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll take most pictures, I'll send you. I love nature. I've been invited to an Earth Ritual this weekend. Well, it's, it's at the... I've got a little email here, I dunno if I should...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think actually, do you know what, I think on both fronts it might be fine now. Anyway, so I don't know how much to talk about random people. Don't mention names, that's the trick. I'm seeing someone who is quite into these sort of, these Earth things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I love that. And, and so this is like, it's kind of an immersive, innovative collective of, of acrobats and singers. It sounds shocking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got sent this, I got sent this email, right, it says here, alright, as this is a ritual, we want to create a sacred space and beautiful container for expression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So they're closing the doors, uh, like early, in the afternoon, right? So you go into this place, apparently, it's a large space and it's a bit cold, so bring warm layers and layer up. Optional. The optional list is great. You ready for this? Bring some water gathered from a local spring or river, okay? I ain't bringing shit. It's an earth ritual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring a container to take some soil and seeds away with you. They'll give you their stuff. They don't have any stuff, anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's bring an offering for the altar, which is like a pine cone, an acorn, or a leaf, et cetera. Et cetera? You can't et cetera that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they also spelled alter wrong. Bring some items for compost. And bring a mug for hot tea. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited for this, I feel like it's something so different to anything I would ever do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of just, I think it might be fun, like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause, cause, cause I do a lot of shit, you know? I do a lot of shit. Yeah, that's true. And a lot of it's the same shit I've been doing for ten years, you know? That's true. Yeah. So, I'm gonna go, go, I dunno, put my fingers in some dirt, and get a disease. Get dirty, mate. Is that what happens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get down and dirty, and then start my prostitute era. Hell yeaah. And start working through my bank balance with 5000 pound a night girlfriend experiences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twitch though, he's gonna do, he's gonna turn it into Twitch. Who is? Have you heard? Elon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Twitch just fire, like, 200 people or something? Well no, but he's decided that he's gonna... because he livestreamed some Diablo 4, didn't he, on Twitch last year. Are you serious? Yeah, for real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna have solar panels installed on your house. You're gonna be connected via Starlink and you're gonna be streaming on x.com to a new audience of muskers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, so, some news this week, uh, Sony have revealed a new car, obviously, the Japanese company, that can be driven by a PS5 controller. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just about the worst time to reveal this, isn't it? So yea, you can properly use AR as well to like, you don't even have to look out the window. It's got like cameras.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was a really interesting thing he did. Okay, do you wanna hear some interesting news from the last week? Yes. Uh, someone's dog, a Pennsylvania couple are shocked after their dog ate four thousand dollars in cash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The seven year old gold-golden doodle, uh, chipped down...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, they got the poo, and reassembled the money from it. Washed it, and are reassembling the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that is, that's a new story. Here's another one. South Korea have decided they are finally gonna ban dog meat. Unrelated story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently only 8% of South Koreans in 2022 said they had eaten dog meat in the last year. Uh, so it's really dropping. Oh, good. Interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a lot of resistance, apparently, still. The dog meat farms and restaurants have tempestuously protested the bill, and only as recently as last November, dog farmers threatened to release two million dogs in the capital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what, this is what our podcast producer is helping us with. So we can thank Sam for that. Thank you for sending us that. Thank you so much for this. And thank you to, shout out to the lovely Tom Hazel for editing the podcast for so many years. He's done all of them, I think, ever since the start. What a lad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, fantastic stuff, right, well thank you everyone, we'll see you all next week, uhm, where we'll probably have a mailbag or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh I see, so it wasn't, so this was all arranged by the paper as like a thing. This wasn't, they happened to go on a date and then they were recounting it after, this was all like- Oh yeah yeah, it's all through the guardian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were trying to do the best they could to do a matchup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a couple hours in is not really the best. I guess it's not an easy one to, cause I mean, you wouldn't want to just like turn up, oh hi there, hi, my name is uh, is Brenda. By the way, I have three kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty, pretty grim, yeaah. I've seen on a TV show, yeaah, I've seen on a TV show this exact same thing but just with a stick in its ass. Oh my god. Basically. So you eat it like it's like a, like a corn dog or something. So here you go. Stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's leave that one, uh, we'll send that one out and see what happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause the thing is, I feel like if you go on a date with somebody where you know you both share an interest, at least straight away you have something to talk about. So you kinda have nothing to lose, right? Even if you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, an hour or two, coffee, and then we'll have something to chat about. And if it's awkward as hell, I'll just pretend that I'm sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We always make that joke with uh, with my kids, like when they put too much ketchup or something, we always say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I feel like, personally I would go through with it, and I would just try, just to see. You know, like, okay, fair enough, it's not who you expect, it's not what they look like. What happened here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you might make a friend or an acquaintance through it or something, like, I feel like just burning, well, not just burning, I feel like nuking the bridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially if you do like what Lewis was saying a couple of episodes ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always feel like with a lot of this stuff, it comes back to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Treating others as you wish to be treated, right? Like, uh, if somebody did that to me, it would make me feel like shit. Like, I would just feel like fucking shit. And I think that is always in the back of my mind if I'm dealing with other people. I always just think, okay, fine, like, I could just leave and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could probably deal with that, but, like, I'm imagining how I would feel if somebody did that to me, and that would usually be enough to sway me not to, on a whim, do that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but I think, I think if you just, if you, if you're just a bit casual about it and a bit laid back about it and you don't, um, set your expectations too high or, and if you're not like overly keen and stuff, like I feel like a lot of that stuff, people pick up on it and it, and it makes the situation worse. You know what I mean? Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you can just kind of go with the flow a bit and, and just see naturally what evolves and if nothing does, then you know what I mean?


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[Assistant] I suppose, yeah, but like, I mean, I always say to my kids, like, in life, I think it's just a good plan or habit or whatever to have some sort of backup plan in mind, you know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Like kids I think especially have this ability to hype things up to levels that are impossible to meet.


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[Assistant] Uh, especially things that may not even happen, uh, and then they're just devastated when it doesn't happen. You just think, well, listen.


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[Assistant] This was never a for sure thing, and you were told that this wasn't a for sure thing. In future, you should always have, like, a backup in mind. Like, if this doesn't work out, then you can just say, well, at least I can just go and do this other thing that I wanted to do, or whatever, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For example, reached out to somebody and they haven't gotten back to you. Normally what I would do is I would, I would leave it for a bit and then I would do a follow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just in case, you know, like you said, they were too busy, they couldn't reply or whatever, just to gauge. And then if still nothing, then I would just move on. I would just leave it. Like there's no way I would just keep following up on somebody.


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[Assistant] You know, like I think silence says a lot as well, right? Like they're just like, if they don't, if they're not replying or they don't seem at all interested or whatever, like you just leave it. Oh my God. No, I'm not.


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[Assistant] They just can't get past, they can't let it go. And it's just like, how, how much are you going to try to force this thing that already is showing signs of not going anywhere, not working? You know what I mean? It's like you can't.


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[Assistant] I feel like if I, if I, if I used something like that, I would be like that.


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[Assistant] Funnily enough, it's The English Who Invented English, no?


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[Assistant] Yeah, they don't say London, they say London and they don't say England. They say England. Yeah, exactly. They have different words.


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[Assistant] I would say lasso as well. I don't know why. I think it's just like a throwback to being a kid, I think we just pronounced it that way.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of different pronunciations, but Maltese is not one I've ever heard an alternate pronunciation of. There's no Maltese, this is ridiculous. There's like, tomato, tomato, uh, potato, potato, obviously, um, there's some other ones too, I'm sure, but. But even in the UK.


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[Assistant] I'm good with Zardy, let's go with Zardy. The hero of the moment. He can have our big ups this week as well.


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[Assistant] Gentle, gentle, try that one.


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[Assistant] What about launched? Launched. Launched. Launched. Launched a date.


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[Assistant] Opening a new chapter in my car theft. Yes, journey.


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[Assistant] This person, who has done this, will be let out at some point. Surely they could just take pictures of that scene, or maybe even videotape what's happened in the back of that truck.


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[Assistant] That is wild. That is just insane. To be, I don't know how you get to that point in your life where that's what you're doing. Even to come up with that in the first place. Crack is a hell of a drug. Fuck me, man. That is really worrying behaviour, though, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing though, most people are like, yeah, I hope they go in and all the same- yeah, it does. That's prison. Cause like, most of them are animals and that's how they live in there. They fucking kill each other and-


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[Assistant] Oh my god, I was fucking ins- more insufferable than I am now.


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[Assistant] I'm just thinking right now how amazing it would be if Zardy, not only to the one person he dated, but to everyone he ever came into contact with, uh, did this thing where he was like, do you have children? And they're like, yes, too. And he would always just turn around and say, they are now known as Zardy.


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[Assistant] They're a new generation of youngins. They got expectations, they got standards.


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[Assistant] Uh, I watch safely from my window, and uh, I get the popcorn out as well. Well, dare I say it, but that's what's wrong with modern Britain!


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[Assistant] I mean, it's, uh, it's, you know, we're conditioned. It's a conditioning thing, right? You're just, you're going off the grid with it. You've been conditioned as well, but you're just refusing it.


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[Assistant] Do you ever think though, like, um, you know, like if you see somebody outside in an altercation, they're just about to get into a fight, how shit would it be? Okay. Bear with me here. How shit would it be if you went out with all the best intentions in the world to mediate and you got stabbed and died? That would fucking suck.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? It's not likely. Well, still, it does happen. I mean, I think it's still worth sort of considering, at least.


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[Assistant] Parking was not a problem. You generally had a driveway that could fit at least two cars comfortably. Not even just like wedged in so that it was annoying or whatever.


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[Assistant] There's people going by and checking this stuff all the time and issuing you with fines and whatever for breaking these bylaws.


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[Assistant] I don't remember ever there being drama around any of this. I'm sure it happens in America. They got like housing associations and stuff.


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[Assistant] And I think that it happens maybe more there or whatever, but certainly like in the neighborhood I grew up in Canada, there's, it was never, there's never any issues. You had your one allocated tree that was like, uh, two meters away from the sidewalk.


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[Assistant] And you know, like when they built the, the suburb, everything was built to those codes and stuff.


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[Assistant] Most people just didn't really do anything to break that, you know? I think a couple of times people got told off for having a, like an RV parked in their driveway or whatever, which is like a big no-no. Uh, but that's it, you know?


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[Assistant] My wife is always like, hey, can you throw those out? Like at some point? I'm like, well, what if I need them?


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[Assistant] I've reached an all time low recently in my life. I'm sorry to hear that. I know. Well, I got this pinched nerve in my neck which I've been to physio for and it's helping, but it's still quite sore. It's better than it has been. It's a lot more manageable.


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[Assistant] But my sleeping situation is I feel like an 85 year old when I'm in bed. I've got a pillow to this because I can sleep now, finally sleep on my side, but it's like aided sleeping on my side. I can't sleep on my back. It hurts too much. So basically for about two or three weeks, the only way I could sleep was like,