[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people think that, that I was a pesticide sprayer. What do you call that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get it. Could you have done it? Yeah, I could do it. I had a buddy that was an exterminator and you had to go into the house a lot. I don't really like that. I'm not into crawling under the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he cared really. I think he would just tell his boss he did the job and- But wouldn't they care? I mean it went out of business that coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I didn't ever got behind his logic too much. I just know he would go, I need to get rid of some of these chemicals. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was just renting, so I was like, yeah, dump it out, man, spray the house. I mean, I lived in a trailer with no insects, I'll tell you that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also see that you could rent, you could buy the Rodney Dangerfield classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep them in the fridge and they say dormant in there and then you, and you set them out and they start to come alive and just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just set him out on a flower? Yea, he just set out, yea, he kinda set the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Package whatever they came in, just set them out and they just as it starts to warm up, they come out and then you get your little pollinator boxes and then they start to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, put bees in there for next year, whatever they do. And you have a lot of bees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I don't know how well it worked. I might have kept them in the fridge too long. But some did come alive. I saw them come alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know why you would do ladybugs. I feel like they just eat your plants up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's it cost? Five dollars. Okay, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to order some ladybugs. I didn't know you could get them for five bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we all gave AG1 a try because we wanted to, uh, we wanted increased energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Immune system support for our busy lifestyles. And boy, are we busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In fact, in Denver, people said they saw all except for Brian. They said, I can't wait for Brian to come here. So you gotta get out there. So that's more encouragement. We all take AG1 in the morning before starting the day and it makes us feel like we're doing something good to cover all our nutritional bases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's much easier to mix one scoop of powder and water once a day than to take a bunch of different things. It is the healthiest things you can do in under a minute and cost less than $3 a day. That's cheap.


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[Assistant] Since we travel so often, we also get the single serving travel packs, so we never have to miss a day when we're on the road. You get a free monthly delivery to make it even easier.


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[Assistant] That's a miss read. 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food sourced ingredients of the highest quality that have major benefits like gut and mood support, boosted energy and even healthier looking skin, hair and nails. Look at this hair.


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[Assistant] Look at this gut, I just told you it's fixed. AG1 has been part of millions of mornings since 2010.


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[Assistant] If you are looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens has given you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com slash Nate. That's athleticgreens.com slash Nate. Check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you do something like that, people don't really ask a lot of questions. They're like, keep the bunnies away from that guy. No, I don't do it like that. No, I don't do Easter. I do Passover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I just do a very simple thing. I just read like, uhm, you know, Exodus where they talk about Passover and then I, where, where Jesus has the Last Supper and, and, you know, talks about, I mean, a lot of people, they don't know for sure, but they speculate that the Last Supper was a Passover meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you just eat lamb, bitter herbs, uh, I do grape juice not wine and then unleavened bread and I just read that stuff and then we eat that and that's really about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true, but they have the matzah crackers and that's what, so then after Passover you have the feast of unleavened bread. So for a week, you don't eat any bread with leaven in it. You just eat the unleavened bread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and they're good. I mean, the mozza crackers, you do some cheese, you do some peanut butter and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, well, you know, I don't know how to make this, but this, the matzo crackers that I buy are just like, it's almost like saltines, but a big square.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where do you get unleavened bread from? Well, you get them any grocery store. Yeah. Yeah, it's more like this one with the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're on it right now? No, no, it's uh, the Wednesday. Well, it will be today, tonight when the podcast comes out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A week after. So for a whole week. For one week, yeaah. You feel different?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it. I mean, I've been doing it for years. I mean, people, I mean, none of my family does it, you know, I mean, not my immediate family, my wife does it with me, but I mean, like, you know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, most people think I'm crazy for doing it, but I like it. I think it's fun. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't, I don't think so. Um, but you know, I used to do it even like in, when I was on the road, I do, I've done it in hotel rooms. I did it at the condo at the Grove one time, that cabin in the woods. Me and Dan Whitehurst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I like it. I feel like there's more fun stuff in there. In King James they talk about dragons and giants and, and you know, and some of the other versions they really, you know, they eliminate a lot of that and really kind of water it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can read, uhm, and it'll be like, you'll go like verse 18 and then verse 20 and then 19 will be gone altogether.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they say Ethiopia has, their Bible has the book of Enoch in there too. The Ethiopian Bible has that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they charging money to look at the building that holds it? I don't know how many people are fine in Ethiopia. Yeah, that's what I mean. Why lie? If they don't have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like they say that the Smithsonian will do that. Like it kind of swoops in and will scoop up everything and then take it like, and then speaking of Indiana Jones at the end of that movie, like the first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He donates whatever he finds. I forget, I just watched it, but I already forgot. But whatever he finds in that, he donated to them and then they put it in a crate and then you see them stored away in the deep depths of this giant warehouse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think they know. I think people in there are like, oh, it's a mystery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's, you know, the Smoky Mountains in Gatlinburg, for all we know. You know what I mean? That could be Mount Ararat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I got a little, I got a book with a bunch of those. Enoch and uh, Joshua.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's from the goat of like, uh, they would put all the sins of the, of the community on that goat and then push it over a cliff. An actual goat. Yeah. Something like that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, she didn't mean cuss, she meant like swear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like sometimes when I'm, when I'm on the road, I'll go to the grocery store, like for the weekend and just eat in my hotel. And it is amazing how much trash. That is true. I mean, you get the bags, the packages, the, I dunno, if you're eating fruit and you got all these rinds and peelings and it is- Well, that's all biodegradable. That's fine, right? It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at home I compost it. You know, I just put it in a, in a bin and it just breaks down over time. But in a hotel, you throw it in a bag. You don't take your trash home with you and do it there? I don't. I would like to sometimes. I'm like, I got all these eggshells. But, uh, but you know, it just, you put it in a plastic bag and then it never breaks down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, when I used to drive, I, I have kept, uh, stuff like that and I would just drive it home with me. Yeaah. But it would look weird, you're right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. What you got all this fruit for? Oh, I like a compost. Yeah. It doesn't... I'd tell him that I'm powering my car with it. Oh, that's good. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're reusing them, right? But like how? Like how you recycling those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to just burn it. I mean styrofoam just disappears like that. I mean it is gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that seems like the way. Tires, not so much. Tires are tough to burn, but plastic and, and, and styrofoam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought I'd put it in a styrofoam cup and then pour it into the lawnmower. I poured gas in it, it just ate the cup up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caps. So they can't recycle plastic grocery store bags?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're working on it. I mean at the Publix, they have a little container where you can go put your plastic bags in. And that's what I always do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After it fills up so much under my sink that you can't possibly get another thing under there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We ordered groceries today. It came in paper bags. I'm okay with paper bags. I'm like, just give me the paper. I'm okay with it. Give me some good handles though. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here's some book covers. Looks like trash now, but you can, you can work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're killing us with ads. YouTube is full of ads. Uh, even iTunes like the people will do an ad that I know is on the podcast, but then it'll be like an extra ad that iTunes has just put on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, your website's wild. You got a lot going on. You don't have to pull that up Aaron. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what? I went, I found the dump in Nashville and uh, took some stuff there and you know, I went down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we left and I was telling my wife, I was like, that was an amazing experience. I said, I got more trash. I think I'm going to go back there later today. And she was like, well, I'm not going with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I loaded up more stuff and I went back a second time, same lady, way different experience. She was like, what do you got back there? And I was like, well, I got some trash or whatever. She goes, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you had it in a bag, I, I, I wouldn't charge ya. And then I had to pay her like 10 bucks. She was telling me not to dump my, she said the cardboard thing's full. And I had a bunch of cardboard. That's really why I was there. She's like, it's full.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then so I'm like over there by the cardboard thing, I see it's not full. People keep coming and throwing their cardboard in there. I'm like, what's going on around here? So I go over to the lady, I'm like, I'm not trying to break the rules here, but I can fit my cardboard in the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she let me do it, but she gave me a lot of attitude. It really changed. I was going to leave a review, but I decided, you know what, at best it would be three stars. So. So people leave reviews about dumps? Yeaah. In the Nashville, Davidson County dump, there's a lot of reviews.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I gave her, I didn't mind giving her the 10 bucks. I don't even know, it just seemed like that was, she was just like, go ahead and give me 10 bucks. Yeah. What's the 10 bucks for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess because I brought some trash not in a bag. I had it in a cardboard box. Yea, but what is it? Where does that money go? I don't know. I think to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had peanut oil for two years that I was going to do a Thanksgiving. It's just been sitting in my garage and there's nowhere you can't take it anywhere, but they had a place for old oil. And I'm like, well, it's new oil. I'm still going to dump it in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got rid of a lot of stuff. Like where is that old going? The ocean. They say they're recycling it, but where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of oil. Just out at the dump. They bury a lot of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have glass containers, they have cardboard, they have, I mean they have all kinds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's been pictures people share, I've never seen this myself, but there's been pictures people shared where they'll show, uh, you know, like a container and it'll have two openings and one will say recycling, one will say trash, and then you lift up and it's all just one big trash can. No, that's Elena's airport. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, after you get so many cans, you could recycle, you know, you get like 20 bucks for a giant bag of cans, but it's like, it's something. Yeah. And I'm into that, but it's just like, I'm not into doing all these things for, for nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A pit that just goes in. Essentially, yeah. Trash and volcanoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, build it up. Maybe we can move there. Start doing some farming out there. You know what I mean? Do a little compost on top, starts turning into some soil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using this stuff? I don't use any of that. I mean, I just, you know, I figure they're gonna find what they're gonna find out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they go caller number 10 to win free tickets. And I was thinking 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about caller number two? You know what I mean? Cause I'm sitting right here. Yeah. 10 people did call thankfully, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that this weekend? I had a corporate gig. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I had a corporate, I'm working. Well, he was sitting right there. He goes, so you're calling number one. They would hang up on him. You're calling number two and they would hang up on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because you're so nice and you went and sat in the audience. I would have left. I would have been like, Mom, I'll pick you up in a bit. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a great club. I'm home this weekend too. I may, uh, I may pop into a new material Monday or something at Zany's, but, uh, I don't know that, but I may.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm doing stuff, uh. Well I did a corporate gig today, so. You did? Yea, I did today, yea before this podcast. Oh really? Yea. Oh wow. At 1.30pm. Huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I walk in my dog and he just like, you know, he'll have treats for the dogs in the neighborhood and he just slings it out the window. He nailed me with it. It was like four treats and he just nails me and keeps going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. My dog like it, but it kind of stuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, sometimes with so many erasers or care products options, it can be hard to decide. Try something new. But Harry's makes it easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They give you better razors than in-store options at the best price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used the Harry's body wash, used it at Bridgestone Arena. Took it with me. It got me, uh, you know, it gave me the confidence I needed to perform in front of 19,000 people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The starter set is a $13 value for just $3 at Harry's dot com slash Nate. Includes a five blade German engineered razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and traveler cover. Harry's makes great self care products, makes more great self care products than ever before. Shaving cream, sleek,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] aerodynamic weighted handles that look great in your bathroom and give you precise control with each swipe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and they're still offering no risk trials. So if you don't like the shave, it's on them. Save the hassle, set up your delivery and get the best quality shave with Harry's.


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[Assistant] Get a $13 starter set for just $3 at harries.com slash nate. That's harrys.com slash nate for a $3 starter set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now is the sports coat, is that for the after event or is that boxing attire?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in my day, the NFL coaches still wore suits on the sidelines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. If you're, in my case, Derek Henry could be my son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, when I stole first base, the parent that was keeping the bug score had a race in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, the second word he used. I'm not old money. I'm not a. Oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had that from the opposite direction though where the headliners ask me, how are they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't want them to think that I, if I had a bad set, I don't want them to think that I think that was good. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. So, I find myself saying, I think they're just really excited to see you. Or something like that, because... Sometimes they are. They are! They may very well be true, but instead of saying they were terrible, and I don't want to really say I'm terrible, but I also don't want this guy to think I think that was a good set. It's hard, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents watched Johnny Carson. Yeah. And I'd be on the floor playing. And I feel like this was George Carlin. Wooden toys. It could have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it was George Carlin, although the joke I'm about to tell doesn't sound like a George Carlin joke, but I'm there playing, they're watching them, you know, whatever. And he said something about, you ever been at the grocery store and you look in someone else's?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of the first jokes I remember. Little things like that will just stick out. Cause I got it as a kid, like, other people's food is gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I recorded it on my phone. The whole thing? So, I'll sell you a bootlicker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm trying to decide, do we want to go over those poll results or do the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we have any, like? Uh, we've got more comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, at the time of this taping, we're just on YouTube, 420 comments, and I think it's the third most ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mark Norman was on. Number two was the Calgate. Most of those were directed at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and then this one. And uh, but there's about four things that everyone's saying, which if we go over these poll results, we could just cover them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People lost their mind over, I didn't even notice it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I took Cheetah last week, but based on people's feedback, I've switched to Wolf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, everyone is really obsessed about the way he's pronounced. Well, some people, hyena, the way you say hyena. Hyena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Nate was in that class, how many days before they caught on? Maybe this guy. They may never catch on. They may never. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's another one, uh, polar bear tiger. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People just point out polar bears are meaner than grizzlies. They're, they would be a grizzly in a fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now is the wolf, is it a grey wolf, the one that we're looking at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, this one really got people fired up. Maybe even more comments than his wolf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Platypus, as so many people point out, they have venomous hind legs. Wow. So we did not mention that last, we didn't know that, but we picked the anteater, but they're saying platypus has venomous hind legs. They would use that to defeat it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I am curious how they use that in a fight, the venomous hind legs, but I guess they know how. I think it might have just been the male.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know, I thought we had a close argument last week and we finally win Anteater, so that should be enough to sway it the other way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a big occasional comment saying you don't know how mean barn owls are, and somebody sent us a video of a barn owl swooping in and stealing an eagle's baby from the nest. It was pretty crazy. But, I mean, it's pretty dominant. Overall. Overall, people are like, eagles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, somebody, somebody in Australia said... A Mew?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, well first of all, those are results. They still picked the line even with emu with a gun, but you got something going for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Nate, many, many people pointed out that in Australia in the 1930s, there was a war against the emus, and the emus won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were taking over, I think a lot of farmland. It was becoming a real problem. They caught the Great Emu War and the Austrian government, military went up against them and lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently they're making a comedy movie about it with Rob Schneider that's supposed to be produced this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, we're not changing it, but, and then the, I don't think I did the poll, but the Orca Whale, excuse me, Killer Whale, uh, versus Great White Shark, everyone said, there's a lot of video out there of Killer Whales killing Great White Sharks, just for fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Yeaah. But you gotta get those hits on social media.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had one comment saying, please don't do animal fights. It's not funny, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying that they're necessarily, they've signed a waiver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not saying that they even die, but they just fight until one of them taps out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And every country is being represented. That's right. It's like the Olympics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, all right, that cheating wolf, did we give it to the cheater? Oh, you just switched it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we've also pointed out, Nick, it's not like a college basketball, 16 versus one. Whoever put these together seems to put two pretty similar animals in the first round against each other. So some heavy hitters going out in the first round.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll use game time, and then they'll get the seats they want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not OJ, but Leslie Ilson's character, he like does something stupid and, and opens up a big gate in the zoo in Los Angeles and they're running around and the commissioner's like, do you realize because of your actions, baboons are running over this city? And he's like, well, isn't that a fault of the voters?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insane. Because they have features like us, it's just huge muscles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, May 12th and 13th, I'm at Mic Drop Comedy Club in San Diego. May 21st, Cap City Comedy Club in Austin. May 26th, 27th, Wise Guys in Salt Lake City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think they're really enjoying this one, but I think they want to keep going. Yea. Do some more brackets. People have sent us their own brackets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I, I, um, I, I was trying to negotiate with Nate and, uh, Dusty came in and undercut me. You know, I'm trying to keep it cordial, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I worry about that a lot, but then I realized I'm a little better sometimes when I'm messed up. Like I think I'm funnier when I'm, I kept putting in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wrestling terms, because I was like, oh, I'm going to be tired. I'm not going to wrestle well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I transferred that over to stand up and then I realized when I'm tired, I'm pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did a crossword puzzle? New York Times crossword puzzle. I was like, I don't have it. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be on tonight. This is gonna be, this whole thing is gonna fall apart. And then I was like, no, this has happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ten times in the last two months and you've been better when, when you're not, you didn't have it. And I also, I didn't do caffeine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For about three months before the special. And I was like, on the day of the special, I'm going all in. And I, uh, I went to, I went to the Starbucks and I got, uh, my buddy Tim, who opened for me at the special was like, I go, Hey man, I'm going to go grab this stuff. Will you get me a, uh, um, emperors cloud tea?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, which has two tea bags in it, and I was like, and get two extra tea bags. Cause I was like, I'm gonna bring them with me, and then before the second show, I'm gonna go again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get there and he gives me the thing. I go, uh, Hey, where's the other two teabags? He goes, they're in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In all the way. That felt good. Oh, it was great, man. I tell you guys, if you, if you're going to record something, get off of caffeine for a while and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna say something about this, and I'll get, when, uh, we were choosing music for the special, uh, I sent something, and Nate was like, hey, I gotta, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a better idea, I have a vision for it, uhm, I want this graphic and my guy has this, I'm thinking sort of like a Dick Van Dyke TV thing and I email back, this is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I do crosswords on the app, man. On the app, okay. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a hip, it's a pretty hip thing. As a matter of fact, I read that like the, who the, uh, the new people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I love it. I just wanted to make clear that Dick Van Dyken or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's the, uh, especially sports media, uh, having


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just saying that most commentators in sports commentary school, they must be like, I don't care whether you think you're right or wrong. You just have a take and you have it hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if they call him out, the game's over. But it's like that thing with the Cubs. They had plenty of chances that game to win it, and then the next game they got killed. So we were whining, but that guy got death threats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either that or, either that or the guy kinda realizes, like, you understand that you can't see the bass, you're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be great if there was nine pictures without the bass all by the same guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what I, like, I do think those guys all have to say, they have to take a position and take it hard. I think they do that in politics too, which is, there's no room for the middle. But I think like my brother, when my brother, he used to ref little league soccer games when he was in college. And he said, he was like one ref for the whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not umpires, man. Baseball umpires make about 400,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was when I was living in Texas, I was in, you know, out of college and my friend was reffing and he called me like late on a Friday. He's like, hey dude, there's a tournament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, all right, it was an all day tournament and I'd wrestled in college. So I kind of knew the rules, you know, they probably had changed it or whatever. So I showed up and I went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right away, I went and bought a referee's jersey, you know, the black one, but I bought


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never ref'd one match after. It was awful, man. They were, they were yelling at me and they were like, that's not the rule. And I'm like, yeah, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're gonna come at you hard. That guy gets no respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, I noticed. Sign me up coach. I did, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A thing on BET early in my career and I, uh, a comedy thing and I went on tour with these guys for a little while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, man, I'll tell you who gets zero respect in the comedy industry is the DJ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a rough, that's like being a professional wrestling referee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The right thing to do. When I was on that BET show, those guys would, they'd play music coming up to the stage and all those guys, I was like the only white guy that season on this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is embarrassing, but I just went to have a sleep study.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go in and they hook like a bunch of wires up to like a hundred wires up to you and they put a thing in your nostril and they put a thing in your, in your mouth, a tube in your mouth and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I pee a lot. I just do. And not just because I'm old. It's like I always did. When I was a kid, I just had to always pee. My dad was like, are you kidding me? So immediately I'm like, well, what if I got to go to the bathroom? She's like, well, just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just laying in there and there's a camera and you say, I gotta go to the bathroom. They're listening to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just go, even if I don't have to, cause I'm like, well maybe I have to, and I'm just, maybe I will have to, or like, just, just in case, that thing, just in case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whenever I wake up, I just go just in case. So uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm freaking out. I'm like, oh no, this is going to be bad. I go, what if, what happens? She goes, well, we come in and we unplug you. And, uh, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in there and I'm trying, I'm doing my crossword puzzle, trying to fall asleep and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lady comes over, she's like, over the announcement, she's like, are you biting the tube? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm biting the tube. She's like, well, stop it. You don't want to bite the tube. Like, okay. So she comes in like an hour later. She's like, I still can't sleep. And she's like, Hey, you're biting the tube. You got to stop biting the tube. Like, okay. I go, Hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as you're in here, let's just, let's do the bathroom thing, you know? And I mean, it's not where she just unhooks a thing in the bathroom. It's like five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me to go to the bathroom to get unhooked and I go to the bathroom, come back, it's another five minutes to put me back together. And I'm like, oh no, this is going to happen 10 times times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's like, I'm not gonna sleep, and I had a show the next day, and I was like, this is, this is bad news, and I told her right there, I go, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This may not go down. And she's like, what? I'm like, I, I don't know, man. I'm going to try. I'm going to try my best. I try for another hour and I just say out loud. I'm like, I'm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, I'm leaving. Like I can't do it. I can't do it. And I, I left. I just left and I felt like such a coward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I did, I did the at home thing and that didn't, it was inconclusive. So they're like, you got to do the big one. So I emailed them back. I was like, man, I'm sorry. I just freaked out that night. I had a show. I wanted, I wanted, I can't let this beat me, man. I want to try again. So I'm, I may.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brother Matt does whatever he wants to do. He just does, he's one of these guys who does whatever he wants to do. And he one time, he's diabetic and he was going in for a big surgery, like some hernia surgery. And he's like, hey, you guys, my blood sugar doesn't feel right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're fine, trust me, he goes, I'm leaving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he just left in the middle of his surgery. He just pulled his, he was like, I'm leaving. They're like, you can't leave. This is a big deal. I was like, no, I'm leaving. So I had that in the back of my head. I'm like, well, Matt left surgery. I could leave this sleep study, but I left that. I left it and I feel like such a, I mean, there's people that are in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, and that was in my head. Can you not take something, I guess? I think maybe I will, maybe take a melatonin or something, but then that probably affects your sleep. They're not getting a true read on your sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna try again, and this time I'll just stay awake for the whole time if I have to, and I'll get up and pee ten times if I, I'm like, I don't wanna, I feel like now I let it beat me, but uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's fine. But on the seventh one, I'm like, you're not, it's not going to be fine with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So God just made it so 90% of the world of people had to have a machine to like, yeah, but that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he saw me at Starbucks right before and I was like, this guy ought to come in. You walked in, I knew it. No, he asked me, he's like, is your dad a snorer? I'm like, yeah. He goes, yeah, you're definitely. Yeah, that's what he did with me too. He goes, we got to go through the stuff, but you know, you got this man. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure I do, because I think if I sleep on my side, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to, uh, it's just when they're that, that sure about it, I get a little suspicious. I went to this dentist one time and, uh, so I was living in LA a long time ago and he was like, Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people have it. He pulled out like a people magazine. Look at Mel Gibson.


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[Assistant] Des Moines, Iowa, man, those guys live across the street from my buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think those masks, the expensive masks are probably the more restrictive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that you can't, you thought you couldn't walk across.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, barbecue's tough. I've, I've gone in the middle of a session.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not the best paper towels. You know, I was, Procter & Gamble had Bounty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't sell it, but my partners, my teammates sold it and it's a big difference, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if you, if you were wanting to set yourself apart as a barbecue restaurant,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's one way to do it. You put bounty paper towels up there and right away people are going to start coming more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, you, you may not even get a rep to call on you. You might've just go to, uh, uh, Sam's or Costco and just buy a giant bunch of bounty, but I'm telling you, you'd make your mark. I've been in some restaurants or even hotels where it's like, man, this, this is Charmin. This is, they, they went above and beyond and you're like, this is a, this is a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been getting into ribs a little bit, but yeah, briskets, man. That's it. That's it. That's something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good, it's a good plot. I mean, nobody, I read the book. I saw the movie and I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch the show. And I certainly don't think I thought this was a documentary or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My senior year in football, I came, I was the only year I played football and I was a center and we played at Bush Stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it was tough. It was very tough. And I got a lot of, uh, pictures of shelves, empty shelves from your listeners and, uh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what happened was there was, there was 14 jars, uh, across the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Salmonella. Salmonella. Salmonella. Salmonella. Yeah. Yeah, uhm, and, uh, and we took it down. Okay. We took it all down. It was gone for a while. It's back. It's back. Uhm, and I don't feel good about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, man. I mean, I, you know, I don't know, but it, it hurt him. Okay. And, uh, and it happened, um, just this past year in 2022, uh, Skippy, uh, they found some metal particles in their peanut butter and they shut it down. Okay. Now that doesn't make it right for Jif. Okay. This has been happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was man, it happened, okay. But I feel terrible about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pour it out. Citrus Hill brand. Yea. You know, back when we had Citrus Hill orange juice, we, you know, they'd say. Citrus Hill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't do that well in that business. Like we, we, we got beat up, but I'll tell you right now, everything that you enjoy in orange juice today, we came up with everything, everything, you know, free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. Citrus Hill, Citrus Hill. Wow. Okay. And then, you know, now, like, let's say you want a big jug of orange juice, right? Uh, like, uh, you know, Trop has the big white, uh, jug and Minute Maid has the big orange jug with the handle on it. It's a 96 or, uh, sometimes a 128 ounce. We were the first ones to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're the first ones that plastic, Joe. Fortifying orange juice with calcium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did that. Okay. Yeah, we started all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think so. I mean, it may affect, well, I mean, I- Is it just a black eye on the, on the legacy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My buddy John Brazzi is their number two guy. He's the COO of Smuckers, who owns GIF now. And, uh, I just couldn't, I knew what he was doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eric's laughing like, can you imagine what, what the pressure that was on him, man? It, it took, it took a toll. It took, uh, I hope it didn't, but I mean, it took Peter Pan down in 2006. Those guys were a major player and they are not now. They are no longer even, they are also ran.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, a Skippy, Skippy, I think if anybody had helped Skippy. Yeaah. But, uh, yeaah. Maybe Skippy had something to do with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did. I shot it there for a reason, man. It was, yeaah. I shot it there because that's where it just made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was always number, the green can, it was the number two in the flavor profile all the time. Well, we had a right crisp, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they introduced it came out in 68 and, uh, uh, which is the same year I was born, way after Ed McMahon, uh, or no, Dick Van Dyke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, uh, were doing really well. Gangbusters, okay? I think it was called Pringles newfangled potato chips when they first came out. And, uh, the, uh, the government said, hey, you guys are made up of corn and soy and wheat and potatoes. You're not made of a hundred percent potatoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you can't call yourselves potato chips. You have to call yourselves potato crisps. Right. You know, because it was like a big court case. And we did. And we did. And people were like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We still like them. You know, you know, they're still good. And the government is like, you know, they're not made of a hundred percent potatoes. And people are like, yeah, we kind of figured that when they were uniformly stacked on top of each other in the perfect shape of a horse saddle. Come on guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they, yeah, they were, there was like a famous lawsuit and I think something, and then it was weird in Britain because we call ourselves crisp, but in, in, in London, that's what chips are, is they're called crisps, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what you're, you're saying they're their own thing and they are, but I think let's, let's have a party, okay? And let's serve Pringles and say does anybody want any potato chips? And you give them Pringles and people are gonna be fine with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is its own thing, uhm, and then that, uh, you know, and there's been some imitators out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They own 90% of that aisle, Frito-Lay, and they basically put all these, I think we talked about this last time, they put all the regional chippers out of business, okay, and then the one person they were gunning for was like, this is the last person we're going to take down as Pringles, and they came after us with this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, uh, stacks and, uh, it didn't work. I mean, they carved out a little market share because I'll tell you another thing about Frito Lay, man. Those guys, they are, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, Bates, I mean, it's a valid concern, okay? Nothing's perfect in the world, okay? So you gotta ask yourself, uh, do I want that? Do I want to live with that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather have that, or would you rather buy a bag of chips, uh, that's half air, okay, it's half air, and you want to talk about broken, with the way Aaron treats his chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all vinegars, man, that's a great, that's a great bursting with flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same, same time vinegar. So we introduced these in, oh, I'd say probably 96, 97. It was this and pizza-licious. And everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody thought salt and vinegar was going to be the winner. Pizza-licious was pizza-licious. Slots in at number five, right out of the gate, man. It's because of kids. It's because of kids. Me and my friend, Gene Williams were the only ones in the brand that were like, no man, pizza-licious is going to do better than salt and vinegar. Gene called it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, by the way, I didn't say there was never going to be a crump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes, man. You think that's really nice. Why, by the way, which is why Pringles, uh, are giant internationally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because before we started making plants, uh, we have a bunch of plants all over now. We started shipping these things. We were shipping them to China because they could make the trip. You can't make it. You can't send a bag of lays over to China. You get smashed up. Yeah. You got nothing. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Well, okay, first of all, I work for Procter & Gamble. So, Smucker's not really. They sold the brand to, uh, to Smucker's. Alright. After I left. Procter & Gamble's out of the food business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's just go through your house, Nate, and I'll show you 90 items, 90 items that you have that Procter & Gamble makes, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it smuckers? Is, is, does smuckers make uncrustables?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would bet, yea, now it is Jif, or Smuckers has their own peanut butter now. It's like a, it's not my thing, but it's a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect sandwich. Yeah, that is, I mean, I get the, I get that that's a good thing, but I'm not a jelly guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More of a peanut butter purist, like I would say, get yourself a nice, like a, uh, uh, loaf of Dave's Killer Bread or one of these like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good grain bread. Put some jif on there and then, you know, now you got, that's what Leanne ought to be asking for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what ha- I mean, I've talked to her in a couple months, but what, has she gotten that big that she can't spread? I know she's doing well. Borderline, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good drink, man. It's a good drink. And, and it's, you know what? Remember when you would get the, those 20 ounce plastic bottles that we all get if you're on the road, man, you grab a 20 ounce, uh, sodas that, that, uh, plastic? As old as time. Yeah. Um, they used to be glass. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the eighties, and the first one to come up with the plastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was Dr. Prepper and 7up. They had every, Coke and everybody was, uh, was glass. And then those guys were the first one to have plastic. They had, they must've been like a patent or something. Cause for about two years, I was like, well, I don't care what I'm getting the plastic. Even if I feel like a Coke, I'm getting the plastic. Cause it's just, it's got a better feel to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we had the, that was probably right on the time when we, uh, had the fish, fish or nut acquisition. Uh, what was that? Uh, you know, fish or nuts? No, I mean, maybe. It's like a kind of a competitor of, of planners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, cause we sold, uh, we sold Folgers. Yeah. And, uh, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that is the one category where I feel like I couldn't go back and be relevant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there was no Keurig when I sold it, man. You're talking, I feel like I'd be a, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I don't know, uh, I don't know anything about that business anymore. It's embarrassing. I could go, I could walk back in and be selling peanut butter in a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I would just need to know the price points. I need to know, eh, what are we, uh, what are we advertising? Yeah, like back in the day, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lowest price point you're going to hit. I mean, 18 ounce, that's the main size. You know, that's, that's where all the promotions happen is 18 ounce. And you know, you want to fight for, it was, it was a fight to get the back to school ad and a very aggressive ad back then would have been two for three. You go two for three on an 18 ounce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stock up. It's not coming back till next August.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six months. You're eating peanut butter that's been sitting in the back room because they bought too much and you're not eating a fresh product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we didn't do quite a, we played some games. I'm not going to say I was innocent, but we, yeah, but, uh, but we played some games, but not like they did. Yeah. I mean the, the true, in the cake mix business, the true, uh, Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines or Betty, I had Duncan Hines and Betty Crocker and Pillsbury, Pillsbury, especially the ones that played that kind of game. I mean, it's, it's like, they're selling them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three years worth of cake mix for the Christmas ad. It was embarrassing. Yeaah. You wanna eat it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why we failed, man. I think we just didn't know how to be a food business. We're more of a soap company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tide would be its own company. Tide would be a Fortune 200 company by itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a rap. Yeah, and we got kind of treated like game over stepchildren. Like yeah, that was a food beverage rep, then you had the paper rep, bounty, Charmin, uh, Pampers, right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Giants, okay. And then you had the health and beauty like crest, scope, that kind of stuff. Uh, you know, and soap was, soap was tied, and then like cascade and that kind of thing. So food and beverage, we got treated like stepchildren.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and we got abused in some ways because the, the, the, you know, they could take it out on us. Like the Tide guy would walk in and be like, yeah, you're going to take this because you need Tide and, and, and there's no substitute. Okay. And then I'd walk in there and be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy would be mad at the tight guy and he'd take it out on me and be like, hey man, I can get Maxwell House instead of Folgers. You know? You're not that big of a player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope not. That's a serious thing. You know, I don't think so. I mean, I'm not going to say anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just, you know, it'd be, it'd be a cheap shot to be that I think that some of these guys are doing it, but uh, no, I don't think so, man. Now, the retailer might, I mean, that was like an old, uh, Simpsons episode, I think, where like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Apu was talking about like, you're like, okay, this is the time of the day when we go change the expiration date. Yeah. I think I can't remember what the episode was. Yeah. I would imagine some of the, uh, some of the retailers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a maniac, like not being able to finish a sleep study. That OCD type thing is not because of my experience in the business. Because again, most of our stuff, they all have, like the package stuff, it won't have an expiration date. If you notice, you get your peanut butter, it'll say Best Buy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a best buy date. So this, this product is best buy, you know, March 10th, 2025. Right. Okay. That doesn't mean you can't eat it out. It's not going to kill you. It's just going to taste.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's not gonna hurt you. Right. But I, you know, you've all had like, I get it in that we weren't, I get it with peanuts, man. I love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love peanut, like dry roasted peanuts, man. And every now and I'll just, I'll be, come on, man. There's something up here. This is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of do too. Yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe on, like what, you know, spices. That's the one thing I wonder. I like spices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only use this spice every now and then. I gotta go buy a whole other thing of this spices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Between the two legs? Man, I don't. I did know the 630, but I don't know the width. You wanna make a guess?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you bring in those, if you, if you would bring it, if you crop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That museum underneath is really cool, man. That's a museum of western expansion. It's really, really cool. Wow, that's neat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I didn't know. Man, God, that reminds me of like one of my favorite norm bits on, uh, on CenterLive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The news, when he's doing the update or whatever, he goes, some guy, he goes ehh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snake man? A guy that calls himself a snake man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Attach such suction cups and climb to the top of a New York skyscraper. Just like a snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nooo, I don't think- Doesn't? You're thinking fried mozzarella is a different thing. Yeah. Cheese sticks? Apples?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I just traveled on that, there's nothing. I-70? It doesn't, yea, I-70. There's nothing that would let you know that that thing's coming. Oh yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the New Madrid fault, of course in Missouri we don't, we don't say New Madrid, which is how it should be. It's New Madrid. Uhm, yeah, that fault is real close to St. Louis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things shaken in LA when I lived out there, but I don't ever remember like this. I just feel like, Oh, this is a little weird, but like you didn't think it's an earthquake. No, it's what do they call it? It's like a.


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[Assistant] I do remember like stuff shaking in my condo in LA and being like this is a little.


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[Assistant] Cause you know your neighbors, but I do know you. I remember my parents asking me like, well, what's your neighbor like? I'm like, I don't know what my neighbors like.


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[Assistant] Can you imagine what you guys, everybody in this room is a road comic. Do you think how cool that would be? I'm going to go to this New York and do a couple of spots tonight and then I'm going to come back to St. Louis.


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[Assistant] I agree with the scenes. But it would be like, you would be like, I know the New York Times would be like,


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[Assistant] I'm doing like private stuff. I'm gonna be a Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids in a couple weeks.


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[Assistant] There was a podcast we did a while back where there was a mention of like playing a video game where you have to defeat the final boss. That's what's happened. And the boss has been defeated. By who? You? I don't say it.


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[Assistant] I don't even know anything about golf, but I know Pebble Beach. You do? Yes. I've heard it before. Uh, do you know where it is? Nah, no idea. I imagine Florida.


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[Assistant] If I had to guess, I would say it's in Florida. No, it's not. But. It's in California. California. That'd be the second guess.


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[Assistant] Well, we're on what, you know, my biggest worry is that, you know, we're, we're going to read comments here and it's all well and good, but next week there'll be comments, uh, about this podcast.


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[Assistant] I went to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Well, since I was here last, I mean, I went to Mobile, Alabama. I went to Baton Rouge, Louisiana.


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[Assistant] It was great, amazing. And then I went to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I, um,


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[Assistant] Bought it, she had a lot of trouble figuring out, uh, Venmo, but she eventually bought a shirt for me.


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[Assistant] And then she went to the other comic and asked him if I was Hardy, the musician. So I don't think she was even at the show. I refunded her money.


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[Assistant] You rated? I did the next day. I felt so bad. She was pretty drunk, but I assumed she was at the show.


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[Assistant] And so I refunded the money because I was like, I feel bad. I feel, because she was like, she couldn't figure out Venmo. She handed me her phone to charge her for the shirt.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and then I dropped her boyfriend's house and now I'm in prison.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was great. I feel like, you know, I'll stop talking about selling out shows when it becomes, uh, so normal that it just happens all the time, but now it's not that normal. Uh, 2023 has been a good year so far. I sold out a mobile show with Louis C.K. a block away. Wow.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. And those shows were amazing. All great. I mean, it's been hot out here.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I was like, she's fine. Wait, wait in the truck. No, I carried her and, uh, she just kept sleeping. Okay. In the booth.


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[Assistant] Alright. That's a kill. With us. That's best case scenario, huh?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so it was good. Uh, my younger sister got married, uh, yesterday, uh, and did not invite me for the second time. She's been, this is our second marriage and she's failed to invite me to both weddings. So. Well, you gotta be glad, right?


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[Assistant] Really? Yeah, he proposed to her in my, in the room I do a podcast in. Whoa. That was the guest room, but they were, they were sleeping in there on an air mattress. And he just popped the question right then? Yeah.


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[Assistant] You'll get invited to that. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. I mean, so this is, this is number two. So I'm sorry about that, man.


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[Assistant] Well, you know, it's okay. I mean, I'm, I honestly, it's more funny to me that she didn't invite me. Yeah. Yeah, it is. You know, at my childhood church, they got married in.


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[Assistant] And my dad was like, well, I don't think anybody knew about it, but his parents came, so, and he doesn't normally go to that church. Somebody made him a cake.


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[Assistant] That's amazing. No, they come right out in it. I mean, Michigan was very snowy.


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[Assistant] Gave you this clock. Oh, yes. Waukesha, Wisconsin. Look at that. Yes. I got a, uh, I talked about this. I used to have a Hulk Hogan, uh, alarm clock. Yep. Now I do again. And now, um. Thank you.


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[Assistant] When WWE was still WWF, before they lost to the World Wildlife Federation, I don't know how that even happened.


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[Assistant] Well, I, I did. Well, I didn't look it up, but I did question it because I thought, well, this is such a nice gift. I bet whoever gave this to me could have made some money off eBay. Did y'all see that? Good. Yeah, I think it's.


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[Assistant] You think you'd be good at that? I think so. I've had people at the restaurant that I worked at do that to me. They go, sell me this fish, you know, like people like my boss. Oh gosh. And I'm like, Oh, well, this is awkward. I mean, I can sell it to the table, but I can't under pressure, sell it to my boss here. Okay. You know what I mean? I was about to ask you to do the exact same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, the way I sell merch is I, you know, I tell people I got the merch. You don't have to buy it. Thank you for coming. Don't feel awkward about it, but they are very comfortable. So I encourage you, even if you don't want to buy it, just come by and just touch it. And touch it. Just touch it. Just feel the shirt.


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[Assistant] You'll be like, wow, this is, I say, hey, don't, you know, if you ask me, should I buy this? I'll tell you now.


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[Assistant] But it's top quality stuff here. I don't know why you wouldn't want it.


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[Assistant] MacBook does have a feel to it, doesn't it? When I pull it out of my bag on an airplane, I'm like, this is cool. I'm like, wow, I am fancy. Look at me. Look at me on the airplane. Look at it in my laptop. I'm doing a spreadsheet, man.


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[Assistant] I don't, I like to sell right out of the bag and I don't like people grabbing my shirts cause I know how they're all lined up. I don't mind them touching it, but don't dig through there because I got, I know where everything's at. They put the shirt sizes very tiny. It's so small and I know where it's all at, but they'll dig through there and I'm like, what do you want? I'll find it for you.


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[Assistant] I get pretty upset with people in the merch line sometimes. I don't yell at them, but I'm like, just hold on. It goes, it changes quick. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, uh, I mean, good luck to you. I would just roll down the windows. I would just ride with the windows down from now on.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they don't do a good crash rap apparently.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I hit a deer in my truck in early November and I just took it today to get fixed. That's how long it's been taking.


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[Assistant] That would look pretty cool. Yeah. How'd you get here today? Should we do it? Aaron drove me. Oh. I shattered his passenger side window on the one. Alright.


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[Assistant] I just wanted you to elaborate on the plumbing problem, but that's what you're about to do.


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[Assistant] But it leaked and then woke my wife up dripping on her head.


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[Assistant] So I woke up and there's the water coming out of the ceiling.


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[Assistant] Now I went up there and I put a little pot under the part where it was leaking, then I had a roofer come out and he said, it's fine.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, maybe that's God is like, hey, stop using this microwave. Okay. Do you want to be productive?


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[Assistant] You can put it in the pan too. You can also pan fry that. You gotta clean a pan up. Yeaah. I like to use the same pan over and over again.


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[Assistant] Yeah, wipe it out with a paper towel, put it back on the stove. I don't think my wife cares for it.


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[Assistant] I'm fairly familiar with guns and not heard patina. Patina? It sounds a little like poutine that you would get in Canada.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and poutine is like, uh, gravy over fries.


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[Assistant] I think I add a little patina to my, you know, my, my palette. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. A lot of that Dr. Seuss though. I'm a big fan of Dr. Seuss. You don't think that's as weird as the Harry Potter? It's weird, but it's not witchcrafty. Okay.


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[Assistant] Okay, well, you know, the interesting thing here is everybody makes fun of Nate reading, but now you'll realize that I also can't read. And, uh, okay.


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[Assistant] I play trivia with a team that includes my mom, my brother, and some friends.


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[Assistant] You can imagine my excitement when the trivia host asked a question about zip codes since I had just listened to the mail episode.


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[Assistant] I know something about that. I don't know. Well, you know, trivia is deceiving like that. I was a trivia host for a long time and people thought, oh, you must be the best at trivia, but trivia is wild. I don't know who knows these things. Where would you get the questions from? Someone would email, it was a company.


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[Assistant] Uh, a lady, one time she goes, uh, it was a medical question and she brings it and she sets it down and she goes, uh,


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[Assistant] This is, this is right and I know cause he's a doctor and points back to a guy at her table. And then it was wrong. And then she got really mad at me and she goes, are you a doctor? And I'm like, well, clearly not. I'm hosting trivia at a burrito restaurant.


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[Assistant] Well, I like how you have to say it's not medical advice. It's medicals, you know, suggestions. Yeah. Suggestions. Yeah. I do love that. All right. Derek Cochran. Cochran. Uh, many years ago, I had a friend in prison.


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[Assistant] To mail me letters he would put my address in the sender's area and an incorrect address to where it was going.


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[Assistant] He would drop it in the mail with the incorrect amount or no postage. The post office would see it didn't have any postage, so they would send it back to the sender, which would come to me. So pretty much he was mailing letters to me at no cost.


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[Assistant] Pretty interesting that this friend is in prison and then ripping off the post office from prison.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, maybe, maybe not learning a lesson there in prison. Do they not give them any money to mail a letter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you don't get any money in prison. I mean, my friend used to mail me letters.


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[Assistant] Nate land trivia night. All right. Jeremy Fells. Ooh.


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[Assistant] With the NFL playoffs upon us, I find myself getting into heated arguments at work as a result of my belief that the NFL is scripted slash rigged like professional wrestling. Way to go, dude.


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[Assistant] Does Dusty have any tips for remaining calm when trying to express wild ideas with his unbelieving friends? Wow.


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[Assistant] There's not a lot you can do. I mean, people are ready to freak out on here. They don't want their beliefs challenged. They like to believe that they got good old NFL football. Listen, I watch NFL football and the whole time, I love it. The whole time I go, this is rigged. The whole time, every, like last night I was watching, I watched as the, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, bingles, bingles, and uh, bingles, sorry, bingles.


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[Assistant] Bingo's and the Chiefs were playing and they had one third down play where they were like, oh, we need to reset the clock. And then they ran the third down play, didn't get the first down. And then the refs go, oh, we didn't get the clock right. So that's fourth down. They go, we didn't get the clock right. Uh, we're going to need to redo the third down. And it's like, what is that?


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[Assistant] Well, that's what I'm saying. I think the game is rigged through the officials.


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[Assistant] Well, it's like, you just have, you know, you have the referees and you're like, hey, do this. And then they're like, and they pay them well. But to flip a game?


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[Assistant] That takes so much. I just don't think, I don't think they have the ability to necessarily flip it, but they sway it. So I don't think it could be scripted like professional wrestling, but it's you know, you make enough bad calls to ruin the momentum.


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[Assistant] Cause then immediately after that call, there was a pass interference call that was very weak and it kept moving it along.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean he, when I was watching, when him and Brady played in the Super Bowl, where Brady won,


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[Assistant] They were talking more about how they were like, Oh, it's great. We're witnessing, you know, one of the greatest of all time. And then one of the next greatest of all time. I mean, they would not stop. And my homes is incredible. I mean, the guy is unbelievable to watch, but.


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[Assistant] Even last night, they were like, he's one of the all time greats at such a young age. And it's like, how can you be one of the all time greats? I mean, you're like, obviously very good, but let's, you know, let's see where it goes.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I mean I don't know why they're doing what they're doing, but you know.


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[Assistant] You know, you know, there's so much betting. That's what happened to boxing, right? That it was so easy to rig a boxing match that, you know, the betting would get so, and then it's like, all right, you go down in this, in this inning. So, or whatever round.


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[Assistant] I just think that yeah, I mean, you can just, you can make a bad call, a bad pass interference call gives another team a first down and you know, and then the momentum is in their favor.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I don't think that they're necessarily being like, alright, we gotta have my homes win, we gotta have the Chiefs win, but it's like, would it be better for them, you know? Is the Super Bowl better if it's the, uh, Chiefs versus, uh, the, uh, whoever the other team is that... Eagles. Eagles, yeaah. Is that a better game?


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[Assistant] Uh, you just don't get mad. You don't ever try to convince people of what you believe. You just tell them and then don't try to make them believe it.


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[Assistant] Otherwise. Let them do their own research. Yeaah. Or let them believe whatever they want to believe. Doesn't matter.


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[Assistant] Because if you're at work, if you're working, uh, uh, you know, cause I've had a lot of football discussions, uh, as a pesticide salesman.


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[Assistant] And it's different depending on the job. I mean, you could be in a Lowe's where people, they're in love with football and they don't want to hear it.


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[Assistant] Alright, that was fun. Josh Foote. Aaron claiming that God isn't with the boys in Ann Arbor is comical since Notre Dame stopped the rivalry series. I don't blame them though. P.S. Rudy was offsides.


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[Assistant] Where this, this movie, they're like, the train's going like a hundred miles an hour. They're struggling to stop it. And it's based off a true story. But the real story I'm told was that the train was like a runaway train, but going very slow and to actually stop it. They just had to run up, jump in there and shut it down.


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[Assistant] So there was a runaway train, but it was just, they just manipulated.


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[Assistant] Bit dramatic for me. Today's Gene Hackman's birthday. Is it? 93.


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[Assistant] You got that old video with Gene Hackman. I've wanted that to do better every time. I've shared it 40. Well, talk about that. We haven't talked about that on this podcast. You know, on YouTube, I got a video of me meeting Gene Hackman because, um,


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[Assistant] The movie Mississippi Burning, uh, was filmed


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[Assistant] Half of it filmed in my dad's hometown of Lafette, Alabama, spelled Lafayette, pronounced Lafette.


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[Assistant] And all the downtown scenes took place in Lafette.


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[Assistant] So Gene Hackman was down there and me and my dad and my stepbrothers were going around with a video camera.


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[Assistant] And, and he's like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, we start to go and he goes, I'll come out.


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[Assistant] And we're all just kind of standing there real awkward like, and then he goes, are you boys ball players? And you hear my, both of my stepbrothers go, yeah, yeah. And then you hear me go, I'm not. And they just kind of gives me an eyebrow rest.


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[Assistant] It was very nice. I've always been a fan of Gene Hackman.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I mean I like it, but I just feel like it's, I don't know, I think that I had seen too many like that.


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[Assistant] You ever see that boxing movie? Lou Gossett Jr., James Woods? No.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that scene in the tunnel where he's like, you're a hundred nothing. You're five foot nothing. Hundred nothing. Yeah, without a speck of athletic ability. Yes.


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[Assistant] Okay. You know, that's where I think Vince Vaughn's first movie was Rudy. That's where he met Jon Favre.


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[Assistant] And that's where they used to, uh, that's where they started doing stuff. From that movie. Alright. Matt Graves!


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[Assistant] As a fellow conspiracy theorist, I can't express how much I love the conversation about sending trash to space. I like that too. I appreciate Dusty's subtle comments of sarcasm just to play along, knowing full well he doesn't believe we've been to the moon or in space travel.


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[Assistant] But more than that, I love that the rest of you know it and egg him on with your subtle comments, your quiet snickering, and humorous reactions to his antics. Dusty, keep the faith. Alright? Well, I appreciate that, Matt Graves.


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[Assistant] You know, we're just having a good time out here.


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[Assistant] I feel like Brian does. Yeah, I do. For sure. Well, if space is real.


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[Assistant] Sending trash to space is the answer. That's the move. That is the answer. And you know what? They always say, oh, it's so expensive, but you know what we would do if it were real? We would just build a contraption that gets it to space. Okay.


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[Assistant] Our own little Tower of Babel, but it would be trash.


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[Assistant] A listener of the podcast I think sent me a video and it was showing like something about earth and it shows you and then it zooms out, goes into space and shows all the planets, but it's never a real video of leaving earth, going to space. It's not, it doesn't exist. There's no real video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it would take a lot, I'll be honest, but I'd like to see a video of straight up going into space. And then, and then it's like even the picture on the moon of the earth, the earth appears about the same size as the moon is when you're on earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the earth is much larger than the moon. So if you're on the moon looking at earth, it should be gigantic, but it's still very small. Like you're looking at the moon, but it's pretty far away, but it's the same distance as we are from the moon. I don't know if it is. If you're on the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even the landing, when we landed on the moon.


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[Assistant] Uh, apparently there's a video of us landing on the moon and I'm like, well, will they toss a camera out to an alien? Hey, give, give a shot of us Len. This is our first time. Give a shot of us here. I'm just saying it's sketchy as well.


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[Assistant] A lot of good points. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's sketchy. I mean, people dig into it. They'll go, like, a Kentucky farmer guy is correct. All right. D. Marie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number two, he calls out kids for doing dumb, pointless things such as waving at penguins. We need more men in the field and there's a teacher shortage to fall back on in case you get tired of the comedy grind. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you ever get tired of, you know, standing up in front of people and bringing them joy


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[Assistant] I mean, I was not, I mean, I was a good student, but I caught, you know, I was so mouthy. I always had to make a joke and it just seems like I would not want to be my teacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think kids are much worse than me. Oh yeaah. You get in trouble a lot in school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in trouble. I did some, you know, I would get, I was just a talker. You know, I always had to say something. So I didn't like. Were you getting laughs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they say that you can shoot a laser up to the moon and hit some mirror that we left up. They did it on Mythbusters. And then it'll reflect back on you. Right. Imagine


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're on a, like imagine that you're living on a planet that spins like this.


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[Assistant] And then a, and then you got a thing going around you, that's also spinning, but on that thing that's spinning, you're both spinning, and there's a mirror on it, and you got a laser pointer, that laser's going around like, like crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's supposed to, you're supposed to be able to target another thing that's also spinning, and then that reflects back.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean. It's not easy. It cannot be done.


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[Assistant] But you, but you can't see the laser, only the computer can pick it up and give you a little blip on the screen to let you know the laser has come back. Ah, well that doesn't sound very exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you didn't say it was great TV, but I don't believe myth busters, especially after you said that your, your uncle debunked their debunking. So I'm like, well, they're not perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were fun back in the day though, back before the internet existed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, Nick Ventura, I was listening to the podcast at work and several times during the ants versus human conversation.


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[Assistant] Uh, associates of mine would walk by and see me laughing hysterically to the point of crying, and the look of confusion on their face was priceless. That has to be the funniest conversation in the history of Nate Land. Keep up the great work, fellas. You guys are impacting the world with comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I felt like that too. Immediately when that podcast was over, I was like, that's the best one that I feel like I've been a part of. Yea, yea, me too. I mean, that was really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being like, oh, that guy didn't do it. And I was like, he's back there struggling with his glum.


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[Assistant] I understand what Aaron means about the ant lifespan. Yes. Let's say this war goes on beyond the average lifespan of an ant.


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[Assistant] Who would go to fight a war knowing before they ever left that the absolute best case scenario is they die a week later?


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[Assistant] That's not even considering the fact that the ants would have morals and ethics now and may feel differently about sending their children off to war. That's a great point. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think the male ants die after they find a mate. Like if they, if they, well, I guess they go for the queen and if they are successful with the queen, they die. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, maybe the male answer like, I don't want to go to war. Right. I got, I got one purpose here.


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[Assistant] Rachel McCartney. Oh, I got some family in the McCartney. I got some McCartney family, some in-laws.


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[Assistant] Who's gonna tell Aaron that fire ants can float? Growing up in Florida, we knew going in the water wasn't going to save you.


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[Assistant] The only fear is the army ants. Those are the only ones.


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[Assistant] Comedy bio? I should be. That's a great credit. It should be. I had a couple of fertilizer displays in there too. But my fire ranked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did know that. I believe I was trying to talk about the ant bridge during that episode.


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[Assistant] Bradley from Springfield, Missouri. I like that Bradley. Really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Puts it all in there. Yeah. Didn't put his last name, but lets us know where he's living. I like Springfield.


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[Assistant] One thing that was not brought up was that 25% of the world's population is under 15 years old and 10% is over 65 years old.


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[Assistant] So every baby, child and elderly person has their own 2.5 million ants to fight. I also think ants would target humans that have to do


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the field of pesticides first. Sorry, Dusty, but you're probably towards the top of their hit list.


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[Assistant] Cause you're gonna be waiting for them. I mean, they better go for the kids. Uh huh. And the old people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, we're, we're thinking that humans are just going to be sitting around waiting for the ants to come, but we'll be on the offensive. We'll be ready to go. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hamilton Provo-sha. Provo-sha. Hamilton Provo-sha. You think that's right? Provo-sha.


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[Assistant] Just hearing Dusty talk about trusting the government and his house being just fine against it.


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[Assistant] Any insects i can't stop seeing the parallels between him and dale from king of the hill making dusty a regular feature on the show was really added has really added a level of sophistication.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would not think those two sentences that you just said would go together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I appreciate it. I like Dale from King of the Hill. I think he's a little weak. Uh, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think I'm as dumb as Dale, but uhm, I am a big fan of Dale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've watched every episode many times. Okay. I'm a big fan. Big fan of Dale. So that's a compliment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll take it, but Dale is, you know, he's a little weak. What do you mean? Just not smart?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or physically weak. And, uh, and I'm not saying I'm, you know, ready to enter a bodybuilding competition, but he's physically weak and, uh, cause you know, uh, Hank always threatens to, you know, beat him up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he always backs down. I would not go for that. I'm not saying I could take Hank.


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[Assistant] I want the record to show I did not like swoop in and take the chair for Brian.


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[Assistant] If you hit it so bad, you want people to think that you don't know anything about golf.


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[Assistant] This is my, like, you know, you don't want your form to be good and not hitting it.


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[Assistant] That's correct. How, how did this swing do? How many did it take to get it in?


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[Assistant] I mean, I wouldn't even attempt it.


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[Assistant] I mean, there's a, a long haired guy that wears a white hat that seems to be pretty good at golf and, uh, people will tag me in his videos sometimes. And I'm, I'm fine. People thinking that's how I would be as a golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like he's- He seems very good at golf, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wears the golf outfit and seems to be crushed. Okay. I don't know if he's, you know, I don't know. He may not be good at putting, but driving, he seems very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, people tag me in that sometimes and I go, yeah, alright.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you know, I got nothing against golf. I know this is a very pro golf podcast, but, uh, it's not, uh, not been a big thing in my family. No golf clubs got passed down to me.


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[Assistant] Well, I could see what makes a bad golf course.


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[Assistant] But what makes one particularly good to where you go, ooh, I wanna play there?


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[Assistant] Yeah, like you don't cut the grass, nobody's getting rid of the moles.


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[Assistant] We had a caddy, that's how nice this was. Okay, alright, so that's what I'm talking about. Good course, you got a caddy out there, you get your own personal caddy, get a golf cart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever played, you ever, uh, signed up for like 18 holes and then like four or five in, been like, I'm pretty done.


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[Assistant] What do you do there? You just go back up to the clubhouse and go, we're done? Nah, you just leave.


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[Assistant] Only a few tickets left. Scoop them up. Scoop them up. Yeah, I mean, I've always done well in Lexington, so I'm excited.


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[Assistant] Well, if you're at like, if you're at Newport, Kentucky, where, where it just becomes Ohio. Cincinnati, yeah. Yeah. Then it, you know, maybe not as much, but. But that's basically. But Lexington to me feels like the very classy Southern city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Ohio too. I mean, it's like, uh, Illinois for instance. Growing up, I thought all of Illinois was, uh, Chicago. I thought that's what the state was.


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[Assistant] Um, you know, I didn't give it that much thought, but you just think of the state being like, oh, this is all Chicago.


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[Assistant] I mean, I can see that with New York state thinking it's all New York city, but, um, you know, then you get in Illinois and you're like, Oh, there's a lot of cornfields. Yeah. Yeah. New York state is the same way. I mean, New York state is gigantic.


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[Assistant] And New York City is a tiny little, tiny little plus.


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[Assistant] And we went there and then he made fun of me for wanting, uh, green pepper and mushroom pizza. He did. He wanted to get a certain, like, I don't eat a lot of pizza meats. And he wanted, you know, a meat pizza and I was like, well, let me get, you know, green pepper and mushroom.


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[Assistant] And the guy made fun of me about it, like, he said things that we can't say, but he was, uh, I was like, take it easy.


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[Assistant] But I liked that guy though. That guy was nice. And the club, that club closed. It did. Yeah. Yeah. Went out of business. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I've done comedy in Louisville in a guy's basement one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where I met Jeff Toy. That's who gave me this hat. And uhm, uh, we did that show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a very fun show though. Uh, and then we've, uh, yeah, I've done Lexington. I used to do University of Lexington, uh, Tom Sobel gigs. Uh, Kentucky. Yeah. Kentucky. Lexington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where uhm, you know, no, it would be like in a lunch room. So the show would be free for the students and then there would be food in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people would come in there while you're on stage, get food, and leave. I'm up there doing comedy. The show's free. You just sit down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much time are you doing? Uhm, when you headline, you do an hour, I think. And when you feature, you do 30 minutes. So I featured more times than I headlined. I headlined only once, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then fortunately by the time I made it to headline, I was on to better gigs. Yeah. I've done a lot in Kentucky.


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[Assistant] I feel like I think of like Kentucky Derby. I think of SEC. I don't think of the basketball team because I don't really like basketball.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, they're the best, obviously. Yeaah. But uhm, I think about that, uhm, whiskey. Bourbon. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I think about, you know, uh, you know, you think about hills and mountains and hill people. I do think about that too. I know that's not all of Kentucky and even some in Tennessee and some in Alabama. I get it. But I do think of bluegrass, um, you know, um,


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[Assistant] Let's get to some fat people. But you know, when, when, when people are very large, like in a way that it becomes immobile.


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[Assistant] Like, like when you bring a baby home from the hospital, they teach you to swaddle the baby. And I couldn't do it because I just pictured myself being wrapped up in that thing like that and not being able to move.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I, I don't know how that doesn't give people anxiety.


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[Assistant] But no, I wouldn't like that. I don't like stuff all holed in my legs. Yeah. So would, uh, Hannah swaddle your baby?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't think our baby really liked it. The hospital told us that she was going to like it, but she kept working her arms out of there. We'd swaddle her and we'd wake up in the morning and she had her arms out. And I was like, I don't think she likes it.


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[Assistant] That's why I don't, I like a tan embed. They say it's bad for you. I go, that's probably fine.


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[Assistant] You know, the, the, I think the mountains, I said that Tennessee was hard to settle because of getting over the mountains to get here.


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[Assistant] I was like, you're saying that this, uh, you're just doing this to pay off the bridge. You've made it a toll to pay it off. I'm like, well when, when we getting it paid off? Like how close are we to this goal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the last I heard, people had filed a class action lawsuit against them over that. Oh good. And I'm very happy about that. It's like, don't, I didn't ask for a new bridge. Exactly. And then you should put on the thing, give us a countdown to say this is how close we are to paying it off.


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[Assistant] And then each car that passes through it clicks off. And then we could go, all right. And then it feels good. But it just feels like you're robbing me. And I've had it, I've been upset with Louisville since. I am doing comedy there later in the year.


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[Assistant] I do still love them, but I've been upset with them.


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[Assistant] I feel like that could be incorrect. Nickel and diamond, yea.


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[Assistant] How sad it is, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I heard about this person. They're having a hard time. And then my dad goes, and then my son's out here just smoking cigars everywhere. And I'm like, well, I don't know how that's the same at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then my dad like brings up my aunt. He's like, you know, your aunt Becky wouldn't like that. And I'm like, my aunt Becky, I have not seen her in years. I mean, I like my aunt Becky, but I don't know that I've ever worried about my aunt Becky telling me not to smoke cigars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yeaah. Lori Loughlin. Smokin' and jokin'. That is cool. It's a fun poster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Yeah. I thought North Carolina was the tobacco state, but I was basing it off Aaron's logic that so Jeff manufactured in Kentucky and tobacco is, uh, second largest in Kentucky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't believe it. West Virginia holding strong.