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[Assistant] He went up there and bombed. And then afterwards, like, you know, I, I didn't say much to him after his set, but after the show, he was like,


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[Assistant] I go, dude, like somebody was gonna tell you that and they might not have even been as nice about it as I was. I said, but you think you can just get on?


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[Assistant] Like fucking Bill Burr's show and just be like, ah, I'm just going to do fucking crowd work. I go, you can't do that shit. And he was like, really? I go, it's not like this was like a showcase thing. Do what you want. You know, there's 20 comics going up. Fine. I go, but like, this is not that show. This is a weekend show. And, um, he was like, I guess, you know, I just, um,


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[Assistant] Of course, of course. I can imagine though if you're that guy, the anxiety he probably had for days.


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[Assistant] That's the other one is when they uhm, sometimes they're like Saturday, the MC will be like, do you see the set? And I go, no, not once, not the whole week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've been, uh, by the way, we've emailed, we put out there a bunch of these questions that originally we put out, I think, like, how do blind people know when they're done wiping? And then blind people would write in and tell us, or like, how do deaf people wake up in the morning? And then last week we asked about how do cops...


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[Assistant] How do cops handcuff a one-armed guy? Like when they have a one-armed guy?


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[Assistant] Hey mommies, I'm a police officer on the east coast. I'm explaining to you how to cuff a one-armed perp. First option is to cut off one hand and put the other cuff


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[Assistant] The only restraints that would be considered acceptable are the metal shackles that would cuff his hand to the front and have a long chain reaching around down to the ankles. They are loosely cuffed together. Patrol cops don't carry shackles, so we just shoved him into the back of the van.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hope this helps, and thanks for the great podcast. Justin, well thank you both, Brim, and Justin for the...


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[Assistant] I see that thing this, uhm, this morning where the widow of the, of the soldier that died was on, like, Good Morning America, and she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Q-U-I-P. You don't need a big, expensive toothbrush to get the oral care you need. Get the same


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] refreshing, clean, with something simpler that'll give you the most, the best brushing experience you've ever had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The new company that's refreshing the way people brush their teeth, Quip, is an electric toothbrush that packs premium vibration and timer features into an ultra slim design that's half the cost of bulkier brushes. It's basically like Apple designed a toothbrush, but without the big price tag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go for right now go to quip, getquip.com, g-e-t-q-u-i-p dot com slash mom to get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash mom.


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[Assistant] G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash M-O-M. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Greg, we're big dental fans here. We like knowing what's going on inside people's mouths.


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[Assistant] Before we get to the detail of this, how are you a regular, like are you good at oral care? Do you floss?


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[Assistant] Dude, it's ruined a few, like, people that I want to hang out with. Yes. It's all I think about. Yes. Their breath. One of them, like, I, like a friend, and I'm just like, I don't know, it's weird, like I can't bring it up.


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[Assistant] And they'll be like, haven't been to the dentist in 10 years. And then they go, because you guys talk about it all the time, I just decided to go. And we get the full range. Some people are like, I had 26 cavities. And some people are like, you wouldn't believe it, I haven't been in 10 years. Nothing. I'm fine. So anyways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where we're both, they're like trying to make oral care more a part of the conversation. And we naturally did this, been doing this for years. Like we just bring it up because I think we're just, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Don't brush, don't do anything, never, and you're like what? It's just, I don't know, it's like one of those things that you take for granted that someone's probably gonna take care of it, and a lot of people don't.


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[Assistant] I, uh, I've asked, I always ask, whenever I go to any type of medical professional, as soon as you get that rapport going with like the nurse, I'm always like, tell me some wild shit, like what, what, and they told me that like, I go, what's the craziest thing you see here in the dentist's office? And they're always like, oh, it's old people who have neglected their teeth completely.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I always, uhm, the one that I always tell is like the, uh, the pretty, like, they're like, you're pretty funny. And you're like...


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[Assistant] Would you, would you honestly walk up to another human being and qualify a compliment like that? Like, would you approach a woman and be like, eh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not bad looking, you know? It's like, like the way that you're saying that is such a shitty tone to say like, you're pretty funny.


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[Assistant] It's so funny to see how threatened men are. Uhm, in all aspects, like on social media, I was thinking about like,


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[Assistant] Obviously skew more male followers, but like.


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[Assistant] All the fuckin' hate, all the shit talking, it's all guys. It's all guys, it's like, unprompted, they're just pushing their issues onto you. You know? It's like, whatever they're attacking you for, sometimes it's like,


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[Assistant] Oh, you know, you have this, uh, nice fucking shirt asshole, would you, and you're like, what? Yeah. What? Yeah. You know, or it's like, yeah, you think you're so fucking funny. What about some guy wrote me, like I did some sarcastic posts and he was like, easy to say when you have success and your wife has, makes money and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, did you pick up on this, uh, the David Cross thing? Did you hear about this? Read about it? What happened? How he was accused of being racist, but like, in a tweet?


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[Assistant] I don't get what this person's doing. That's what I thought too, man. And the other thing that I, I wanna say, like, yea, we have to give some sense.


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[Assistant] The person, the comedic actress was I think, I think it was at a bar.


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[Assistant] And then challenged her to a karate fight. And I was like, yeaah, I, you know, I just thought like,


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[Assistant] Don't you think that like, if you know David Cross, that he is actually playing, like playing the part of that stupid person in an improvisational moment? Like that's how, I was like, wouldn't that be like automatic?


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[Assistant] Right, right, right. 100%, yeah. Uhm, and I just felt like, I don't know, I mean, I'm not Asian, so I don't have the right to like, say whether or not it's offensive, but I'm like, but I am a comic, and I'm like, yeah, like, if, if he came up to me and started


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Like you go along with it. Sure. And to recount it 10 years later and be like, ah, that was so painful. It just sounded like, I was like, are you serious?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The answer is no, unless it was like, blatant racism. You know, like, to tell that story, like, we met at the bar before, like, you know, as a, like, as a cast, and then, like, to take all the nuance out of the conversation, and then be like, he was racist to me.


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[Assistant] Well, she was, no, she, this woman is actually talking about how, how she said that like, uh, that she'll fight your ass even though, uh, I'll let her say it, so.


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[Assistant] That's a character. Yeah, she's a real hood ass chick right there. What does she look like? She's, uhm, I guess, I think...


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[Assistant] When I was growing up, my mother's Peruvian is we would always refer, everyone would refer to the Colombians as like the most savage, you know, cause of like the cartels and they're like, they're so violent.


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[Assistant] And then they were definitely, I mean, they look like fucking kindergartners next to the Mexican cartels. There's so much way more savagery. And the Mexican cartels like fucking will kill a whole kid.


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[Assistant] That's like in uhm, way like, but I'm saying like, left over. Yeaah. You know?


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[Assistant] He's real. They sent him some more videos of him, so.


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[Assistant] I'm not sure what is wrong with that women's wrestling guy because it was truly one of the worst experiences of my life. In movies, they often show acid and mushrooms as terrifying, inducing terrifying visuals, which they don't for most people. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened. My stomach felt like it was on fire.


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[Assistant] I could not tell what was real and what wasn't. I was talking to people I believed were there and I would look back and they were gone. When I would walk into a different room, I would think I was somewhere else on a different day.


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[Assistant] Considering this guy has done this a lot, he must be a special kind of crazy. Keep your dosages low when experimenting with drugs or new masturbation techniques, Dr. Lee's.


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[Assistant] It's America's fault. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] He also thinks it's really stupid. Like it's really lame to want to have traditional sex. Oh. And to like, like.


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[Assistant] I didn't realize, that last one, by the way, is solidified, the level that dude's really... What do you think? Well, I mean, the 10-12 Benadryl is not a good sign. Did you? Yea, did you deny?


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[Assistant] But the end there when he was like, fuck you motherfucker. Like that's...


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[Assistant] When I met her, you know, everyone's always like, wait till you meet my mom. Like that kind of thing. She was like, wait till you meet my mom. Please. And then we met at a restaurant and she was like, hello.


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[Assistant] And then she's like, I was at Bloomingdale's, and this fucking cunt saleswoman, and I was like,


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[Assistant] That's one of my favorite, like the psychology of like these fucking immigrants.


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[Assistant] Like your Indian step, like immigrated at like 25 or 30, like a grown man came to his country and was like, we gotta put these border wall, like he was like.


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[Assistant] My, uh, one of my friends growing up had a, not that this means it, but his father was Dominican, and they were like, I was like, what does your dad do? They were very wealthy. And import-export. Import-export.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, that was it. That was the most you ever got. Spending the night at his house. What do you do? Import export? Yeah. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, like the Spanish too, Spanish, like my other half, the fuckin' savages man. I still remember, I carry this with me, like those moments, those conversations, I was in this, I was in school in Madrid, like in college, taking a class, and they were like, how do you, um,


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[Assistant] When I write, the teacher, the professor wrote, you know, when I write United States, what is the first thing that comes to mind? And a Spanish student was like, imperialism. I'm like, yes. And world dominance and all that. And then they're like, what about Spain?


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[Assistant] And they said some other shit, and I was like, how about imperialism? And he was like, excuse me?


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[Assistant] You have like 600 million people speak Spanish 2600 miles away. You think it's because they just like the language? Because you guys fucking went in there and just destroyed the place.


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[Assistant] I love it. We're on the brink of civil war in this country. And listen, uh, we gotta wrap things up. Um, FitzDog radio, FitzDog podcast. So the show airs on SiriusXM as well, right?


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[Assistant] 101. 101. And then, uhm, the podcast, you've been doing that for a while now, it's fantastic.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Fitzsimmons is so good. If you love stand-up comedy and you're in any of those cities, you should 100% get a ticket. He's really one of the best. So go see him. It's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you've probably noticed the most popular ones are of black people being dramatic. This is Digital Blackface.


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[Assistant] So what's wrong with white people posting these gifs and using these emojis? Well, white people are not here for other people's entertainment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait lifting? Long time ago, when I was 14. And I've almost never stopped. Yeah, it's weird. And now it's become my, my like, my meditation. Now I do, well, it's not even, barely weight lifting anymore, but it's, it's, I listen to podcasts and I just sit and I just, I go into like a meditative state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you took, you would be a weird, early on in my career as a physician, I always thought that would be kind of weird. I remember I used to wear green sometimes.


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[Assistant] No, but I always had a problem with shoulder and arm fit. I've always had, it's just how I'm constructed. Yeah. And if I, wait, let this stuff gets big here. Yeah. And I remember a nurse came up and he goes, that's not Dr. Arms. I thought, oh, that's weird. I have to cover that all up. Okay.


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[Assistant] Alright, I will. I'd like to lose about 10 pounds first, but then I will. My wife, we were in Mexico last week and my wife posted a picture of the two of us and she, she's bionic, she has some insane genes, it's all just natural with her.


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[Assistant] He has this amazing way of just, just getting into something. He's such a gifted interview. And he follows his nose. It's from all his, it's from all his therapy and stuff and all his, all the tricks he's had. But I was, uh, this is the story I wanted to tell you. I was, uh,


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[Assistant] My mother just died recently, very advanced age. No, no, no, certain lives should be celebrated when people, you know, they live in your nineties and you've had a good life. No, everything's fine. Everything is fine. But I was cleaning up her basement and I found a stack of my old mad magazines. 1916, 18, 1972, I have a whole stack of cash of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I thought, oh my God, Howard loves these things. I bet he'd love this. So I went and I wrapped it up in butcher paper and I went and got bought a card and I wrote a handwritten note and I gave them to him.


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[Assistant] And I was just totally crestfallen when, uh, when the next day on the radio


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[Assistant] And, uh, and I told him, I was, you know, I was looking forward to him hearing that, hearing that he liked this gift. And I was just, just, it stung pretty bad. Of course it wouldn't be good radio if it didn't sting, right? It had to be real. And, uh, he, he would have been a mention became a 20 minute bit. That's his genius, right? Uh, but it stung, it still stung. And so Adam called Howard.


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[Assistant] So that came up on the radio today. So there you go. And you're going and Gary was talking about Gary that sent me a note. Listen to this. Gary sent me that tonight he got a text from somebody demanding an apology claiming to be me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. That's crazy. So the long story, it is crazy talk. Uhm, the long story is, uh, I, let's see if I can take it all the way back. I was a third year medical, fourth year medical student.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was in Pasadena, living less than a block from what was then K-Rock. K-Rock, back in the day, when you were 13, was this little shithole over like a dental office.


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[Assistant] It was really a horrible, like I, I wish we'd taken video and stuff of it, cause it was like never will be recreated this, this kind of an environment. And, um, they're doing, they're kind of working on a documentary on it right now. So yeah, and they're interviewing everybody and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, so it was, I would just, I was really getting frustrated with music and people started talking about the station and I, oh, it's up the street. How interesting. I started listening, getting, getting kind of excited about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People I knew that lived nearby were starting to go over there, new people. And this guy calls me that it was hanging out over there and he goes, Hey, they got this show in the middle of the night. Apparently two guys were just taking calls about relationships and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their program director told them they need to make it a community service show, right? They needed to make, cause they had community service hours, so they gave them midnight Sunday night to 3am Monday morning. Fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, but then they're trying to figure out how to make community service, and my friend, I guess, suggested me, or I'm in medical school or something, maybe I could, and they call me and they go, hey, I'll tell you what I want you to do, I want you to do a segment called Ask a Surgeon. You'll use big words, it'll be really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they finally, long story, they got me in there, I brought my textbooks, my gynecology textbooks, my infectious disease textbooks, I literally carried textbooks up there.


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[Assistant] Really not having any idea what I was getting into, but I was freaked out. And, uh, lo and behold, I heard these just amazing things coming, being presented to, to, was the poor man and the Swedish Eagle in the middle of the night and Scott Mason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta, we gotta talk about this. And no one had ever heard, in fact, we just were transitioning from calling it grids to AIDS. Yea, we were calling it AIDS then. But we weren't calling it, we hadn't identified the virus yet. Wow. We had, we had, just we're getting HTLV3, remember that? HTLV3.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poor man and eagle, and I was like, oh my god, this is like, I gotta keep coming back, and I was like, hang out. So I'd sort of hang out in the hall, and if something


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just thought it was important, and for 10 years I was doing what I thought was one night a week, community service. Really, I thought it was just interesting, it was like my social hour, I'd meet interesting people, we'd have guests in there, and it was just interesting and fun. Met my wife through there and stuff, yeaah. And, uh, and after 10 years of doing it one night a week,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me think about this. 80, late 80s I was doing, running the medical services in a psychiatric hospital. So I was also doing, I was doing an acute care inpatient thing. I was doing medical services in a psychiatric hospital and then an outpatient medical deal. And uhm. So much. But it was a lot. I was way working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now it was, I guess it was 8 years now, so it was 8 years of 5 nights, 10 nights, 1 night a week. They, they got a rating book on this show, they don't do ratings book normally, they have to ask for it or pay for it, and I'll never forget this, we got a 28 share.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Is that good? Sorry, I don't know anything about it. This is in a market where if you get a .3, you're doing great. Get out! And I remember I called the program director and I go, look, I'm, I don't really know much about this, but I think we're all participating in something here. I don't really know, but 28 seems like crazy to me. He goes, and I'll never forget this, it was Tripp Reeve, who was the general manager at Carey. He goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if I had any balls, I'd put this on five nights a week. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put it on five nights a week. And I thought, uh-oh. Cause I, you know, I was, I was working from five in the morning to 10 at night at that point. Severe, severe, severe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Susan immediately then got pregnant with triplets.


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[Assistant] So she goes, she goes, if you're out five minutes a week, it's not community service anymore. You gotta get paid. So she sent me in, somebody loved me, sent me in and I was hat in hand with, could you please, can I please get paid? I can't, we're having kids and stuff. And that's where it all got started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit of that. And then in 95, these television producers turned up, and I was doing it with Ricky Rachman then. Oh yeah, I remember that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. It's all, it was all kind of an exploration for me. It's like, I still thought I was doing kind of a community service cause there was nowhere for it to talk to kids about this stuff. And I thought there was just so much encouragement of bad, unhealthy behavior. I thought, well, we're just going to be here and be this advocate for decent behavior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, there's a long story there too, but eventually, uh, Ricky bowed out. He couldn't make a deal with them and they turned to me and they go, who do you want to do with this? And I was like, I have no idea. I'm fine. Just leave me alone to practice medicine. If you really wanted, I can do this on Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon and that's it. Otherwise, leave me alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I went out running one day and I'm, I was in a spot, I remember the spot where I was when I thought, God, I bet that guy that does Mr. Birchham in the morning could do this. We had met once before and I thought, I bet that guy can do it. So they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much, there's many details to get into all this, but they brought them out. They tested us. Everyone seemed to like it. Put us in a makeup booth and they go, you guys work out your relationship. We'll start filming in and out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect. I think it might have failed the Fox, that's absolutely right. And, uh, but one sort of memory I have about that first day of filming the pilot is our stage manager, Tracy, came up to us, she became our stage manager, we went, did it for like five years. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was with Adam. It was with Adam? It was the TV now. He hadn't even started the radio yet. We were just doing this podcast, this pilot for the TV show and we started doing the TV show before he came over to radio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Terry goes, how many years you guys been working together? We looked at each other and went, uh, we met this morning. And I thought, oh, that must mean something. That's good. That's significant. Yeah. I think that probably means chemistry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Wasn't that the big breakout thing? Yeah, that's right. And he was the guest on Love Line, the TV show. And this guy calls in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was clearly schizophrenic and dangerously psychotic and like in danger of self harm or harming other people.


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[Assistant] And uh, complaining about in a paranoid way about people who are trying to make him take his medication. And then Favreau goes, don't tell, don't let anybody tell you what to do. Do not take those medicine. And I went, whoa, whoa, you got to stop. This is dangerous. This guy's actually sick. Who do you think you are? I'm like, Oh dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the next show, I had a panic attack and, and I had to leave the stage because I was like, I didn't really, because I was still upset from this fight with Jon. And Adam comes into my dressing room, he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, get the fuck, get back out there. If I have to spend one more minute in this goddamn studio than I have to because of you, I'm going to kick your ass, get your ass in there. And he was like, and ever since then he's like, you see, I cured your panic attacks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My naive notion at 24 when I started doing was, is I wish I had, if I had had something like this, if I knew somebody with this fund of knowledge that I know have now have, what would I want it to know? And I retained that sort of naive posture for about most of the way through the run of that. They got a little more involved once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the, towards the end of the 90s, people were kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I used to hang out there for a long time before I started running it, cause, and that's how I sort of learned about it and stuff. So, about 25 years in addiction medicine. And, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sleppy Rehab came out of just somebody, a really good producer named John Irwin just came to me and said, do you want to do this? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, what a great, this would be really great to teach me about this, but this cannot be done. It's just not possible. You're kidding yourself. And he went to the hospitals and they looked at him like, she got to be nuts. And we finally figured out, I figured out a way you could do it, which I took my team and I put them under residential facility. I knew the director there and he wanted to do it as a long story. But in the course of all this, um, a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Professor at SC in the business school, he's actually a behavioral economist specialist and I put together a questionnaire. He was interested in sort of the business of, uh, entertainment and he and I had a conversation when he's my neighbor and I said, well, you really should understand the people that are the product, the people that are,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The celebrities and the actors and I said, they're all sick. I know they are because I talked to them every night and they have an inordinate tendency to have had trauma and other things. And he goes, well, let's test that because it was not published anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we sort of figured out a way to do that. We use something called a narcissistic personality inventory and everybody that came on loved one filled one out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We wanted to do politicians. That's our next study, frankly, because we know it's going to be the same. Uh, comics had more trauma. Musicians had more substance, right? Substance abuse problems. And we were able to show that overall somebody who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so, so we started looking at all that, and you gotta remember, you know, some people, you know, people that become, say, actors and say, have no discernible skill other than kind of acting, and they put it all on this. You're willing to risk it all to be celebrity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a pretty heavy bet. And they don't back it up with any other training or any other disciplines or work. They just, I'm going to be this and that's that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they are really famous, they have a group around them that insulates them from consequences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so they don't get more addiction than anybody else. Well, they do a little bit more, but per our data, but they're not worse addicts. It's just, it spirals out further because there's no one there to bring them back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people that I've met that are semi-sane had some other career before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, I was just a soccer player and then all of a sudden this weird thing happened to me. It's like, but I'm still that, just that guy like playing soccer and I like singing. It was good. And look, there is bewildered as anybody as opposed to, Hey man, this is me. This is what it's all about.


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[Assistant] Okay. Oh, Andrew Jackson for sure. Very much as a fucking Andrew Jackson was Yosemite Sam. I mean, he was, I haven't read anything about him, but he was nuts.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it worked out okay, and that's good for some of the Indians in the, you know, southern area of the United States, but it worked for the country, it worked out okay. Uh, and then I thought, oh my god, Teddy Roosevelt was a malignant narcissist. Was he? I did not know that. And bipolar as hell.


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[Assistant] He never took a meeting sitting down. You have to follow him through the park or he marched through a park and climb hills and stuff. And he would, everything was outdoors and moving and shit, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I thought, well, he's my favorite president. So I don't know. Narcissist, bipolar, good, bad, hell, I don't know. It's scary. It's interesting.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I have a weird preoccupation with reading presidential biographies because I just one day had a similar kind of epiphany. I was looking at the penny going,


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[Assistant] Letters were Lincoln was convinced he had syphilis. I think that's why he broke off the first engagement with Mary Todd. He saw a prostitute, became convinced, there's all this syrup, but he went by the river and there's all this, that's where the prostitutes hung out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, became convinced he had syphilis, dropped the marriage with Mary Todd. This doctor in letters reassured him, take this mercury, you'll be fine. You can go ahead and get married.


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[Assistant] And I thought, oh, that's right. And then he had severe vegetative depression. There's a story of him pulling, uh, Willie, I think it was Willie or Tad down the street in a wagon down Pennsylvania Avenue. And they said he, they found him at the, at the Capitol building, still dragging the wagon upside down with Tad, like a mile up the street. What? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he would just go on these vegetative depressive days. That's another thing, by the way, that I feel like- He was severely suicidal at one point, too. They, they, uh, what's the, who's the guy who used to sleep in the same bed with, uh, I forget his name. He had to go watch, had to put on watch with him, but I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's 50% of us have some sort of diagnosable. That's so high. Very common. At least in a lifetime we'll have a depression. I had a depression. I had severe, I kind of probably have a tendency towards it. I had panic and anxiety disorder and all that bullshit in college. Terrible.


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[Assistant] But I'm fearing now, finally, and I was a real advocate for this forever, but now I'm thinking we've over-medicalized it. We've overdone it now, where you're not allowed to solve these problems through living, and ordinary misery is no longer an acceptable component of life. That's right.


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[Assistant] Sigmund Freud, when he arrived on this continent, was asked a question, Dr. Freud, what do you expect to accomplish here in the United States? He said, well, I hope to be able to finally distinguish between true mental illness and ordinary misery. That's a great quote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great, that's great. I'd rather they do that than take a medication. Yeah, if you can do it with that, that's, that's overcoming ordinary, that's being, you know, depressive. That's not a major depressive episode, you know? And again, people I think are not schooled on the fact that they should expect to feel stable.


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[Assistant] I would not recommend it because you get something called anticholinergic delirium from that, where you really can get very.


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[Assistant] Exploding head syndrome? You ever heard of exploding head? Exploding head is, you're, you're in, you're asleep and all of a sudden you get like this exploding sound and it wakes you up like somebody knocked you on the head. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah, it's called exploding head.


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[Assistant] So no, you know, when you go in, they don't even ask you if you have addiction, but treated for addiction before. They just, here's your marijuana prescription. And so that's bad medicine. I just, I just care that it's bad medicine. That's all. I don't care that it's medical marijuana. It has some utility for some people. I've recommended it for people. I just recommended it last week for someone. I'd much rather see somebody on pot than, than opiates. Sure. Much.


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[Assistant] And, uh, cannabis is just cannabis. I mean, why is that one? There be, there will be problems and Colorado is sort of founding and finding its way through that. Um, but problems in terms of also like, oh, just significant problems, adolescents getting their hands on people getting struck, getting addicted here and there, people having untoward side effects from it.


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[Assistant] Not very common, but I've treated a lot of it. I've treated a lot. It's very difficult to treat.


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[Assistant] No. Addiction is either you can stop or, here's what addiction is. It's a biological disorder of the brain where you cannot stop. Right. So if you can stop. You're addicted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you can't stop, you have an addict. You're an addict. If you can stop, you're either not an addict or earlier in your disease process where you still have control, please get control over it. Don't let it get out of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alcohol has unfortunate other category of the binge intermittent alcoholic, which is kind of a weird category.


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[Assistant] So, so what is a disease? You need to define disease first before you know. I'll check the camera for you here. So you have to define disease and then decide, oh, does this particular condition or disorder meet criteria for disease? So have at it.


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[Assistant] There's signs and symptoms, there's signs and symptoms. So somebody like me comes in and goes, those signs and symptoms mean pathophysiology here, mean let's look at his genes, let's look at his environment, see how that occurred. What do those signs and symptoms do over time?


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[Assistant] They, they, they, they grow, they progress, or they resolve, or they become chronic. They have, they have a, what's called a natural history. And then what does somebody like me try to do with natural history?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where people freak out is where's the cancer? It's in your brain. The cells are abnormally functioning in your brain. The pathophysiology is there and we know a lot about it now.


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[Assistant] And some of it's chronic, some of it doesn't get better. And so it's always there, loaded up, ready to go, if you re-expose yourself to the chemical.


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[Assistant] And so, and it goes, and once you have real addiction, I mean, bona fide addiction, volition has nothing to do with it. You can't choose anything.


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[Assistant] So it's treatable, but you have to get somebody in a place where they can't use their volition, where they're there, where they start to understand that any thought, any impulse, any, any, what we call stinking thinking, any desire I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is my disease, cause it might, all the, all the wonderful functions we have, rational, prefrontal and all that stuff, all is under the influence of distorted motivation, which is, as opposed to survive and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he does not have what we would call a high biological genetic burden. Right, okay. There are some people, they start and kaboom. I'm reading this book on Grant. Grant had real deal alcoholism. He was like Andy Dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even Joe Rogan was talking about how he felt better not smoking a pot, which is like, yes dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mind altering or brain affected substance every day and not have it affect something.


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[Assistant] It is, it is, but I, I, I push back a little bit against thinking about people that consume excess alcohol as not being disciplined. Cause some of the most disciplined people I know can still have a problem over here with the alcohol. And again, I'm thinking of Grant and Grant's stuff. Grant's super disciplined.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, if he got exposed, watch out. And he would spend long periods of time. He was committed to the essentially early AA, which were the temperance movements. He actually signed temperance agreements and stuff because he knew, he knew what he was dealing with. And it's funny when people have the real deal alcoholism, they know, they know exactly what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was pretending to have an orgasm. She might have been having an orgasm. I don't know how she got there. He might have been holding a vibrator or something. Who knows?


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[Assistant] Uhm, but first of all, we need to teach them both how to look into a camera. That's very disconcerting with them looking off camera like that. And it's not like they're bringing everybody somewhere, they're way off camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, look how dark the circles are around his eyes. What do you think that means? It does not look well. I was being drugged, man. He had slept in a month. And then I just smell meth. I can smell meth out of here. Oh, meth. Meth.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Really? See, everyone's trauma came out on the show, but for some reason people either didn't watch it or didn't get amplified or specified enough. I mean, like Jeff Conway's trauma was so profound, so unbelievable and ritualistic. And people are like, I wonder what's wrong with Jeff? You didn't hear him talking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every one of them. I always tell people, if you have bad enough addictions, you need to see me as 100% probability of childhood trauma. Now I'm not saying that all addiction has childhood trauma, I'm saying if it's bad enough that you need to come to somebody like me, there's childhood trauma, and it's bad. Jenny had horrible stuff.


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[Assistant] Everybody belts, and did they use the buckle end? Yea, of course, the buckle end. Oh yea, one time it was a bat. Oh yea, and the hatchet. Oh yea, and the bow and arrow. You know, and then it just starts, and they think of that as normative, and they needed it.


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[Assistant] That's how they get it and they internalize it. Like I was deserving of that, which is, which is the child feels so powerless that they flip it into I'm causing this. I'm making this happen to me because I need it because I'm bad. So that's the.


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[Assistant] No, you just need to deal with the trauma. Fundamentally, the way I think about it, the simplest way I look at it is that you need closeness of other humans to develop the mechanism for emotional regulation.


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[Assistant] That emotions if you've been traumatized are too prolonged, too intense and too negative. And the way that is healed is in closeness with another human. Unfortunately, when you've been traumatized, you don't trust other humans anymore and you exit the frame of closeness and you never go back.


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[Assistant] Until somebody in therapy finds their way back in with you, and that person holds that frame and just listens to you.


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[Assistant] Yes. It turns me into a gigantic mind reader. It does. I got to the point, I'm a little out of practice with it right now, but where I could, I could just trust whatever came out of my mouth without thinking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can trust whatever comes up. I could when I was really skilled at this. I'm a little bit rusty right now, but...


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[Assistant] But I, I would just, I would, I would do what's called, I would listen with my whole body. I would not listen to what they're saying because I know what they're saying is all bullshit.


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[Assistant] I was just listening to that whole body. If I felt something or heard something or smelled something, I would immediately go, I immediately go, hang on. I'm just, I'm not sure. Does this have meaning to you? I was smelling. They go, Oh yeah. Well, that's my dad was always making bacon when he'd fucking throw grease on me and burn me. I was like, okay, well.


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[Assistant] What is that? Because people lie so much. It's all compartmentalized and I'm literally picking up on disavowed, disconnected parts of the self that are crying out for attention, but are disconnected from that human consciously, but is there all the time creating all kinds of emotional turmoil in that person. And I sort of, they sort of, I pick it up.


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[Assistant] Yes, yes, that's what it is. But I, but I think, I think it's that that's sort of a, that's not a evolved enough way of thinking about it. I really feel like.


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[Assistant] There's so much information going back and forth between two bodies in proximity. It's really not just the brain. It's our entire central nervous system, including our autonomic system. And we just, we just can, we send stuff back and forth to people. And if you really listen, if you learn to really train yourself, and I also train myself to be able to know when people were not telling me the truth and I would just go.


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[Assistant] That's very nice, but you're full of shit. Stop it, please. And I could just trust it when that would come out of my mouth. And most of the time, most of the time they would go, how'd you know? And they'd go, I don't even know when I'm bullshitting anymore, but I'm glad you, help me. I need to know when I'm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, and I've been manipulated and I've been had and whatever, but, but you, but, but I can, if I do feel it, I can just go, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I watched the whole thing. You got some of that stuff came out in that too. Oh, it's fantastic. Same idea. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. Cause remember even when he met that first guy, he was like, well, how'd you feel about it? Didn't feel right.


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[Assistant] There you go. Listen to that. We're perfect instruments. We really are. And if you've been injured, that perfection gets expressed in crazy ways. You know, like women that repeatedly go for abusive guys. If you're attracted to the guy.


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[Assistant] Definitely that's going to be an abusive guy. If you have that pattern, if you were abused as a child and you have that pattern as an adult and you think that's a great guy, guaranteed that guy's going to be. I know he looks nothing like and acts nothing like the other ones, still that's going to be an abusive guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The prostate doesn't move, the, the, the pelvic floor musculature contracts, but it has nothing to do with your prostate. And, and the seminal vesicles are what are holding the semen. The prostate is just a gland that's sort of slowly producing fluid and storing it in the seminal vesicles. It's not really any other activity.


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[Assistant] It's like two seconds of jargon. It's about 600 seconds or so. Who the fuck has time to do this every day? And I'm worried about that person's.


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[Assistant] And if, um, no laughing matter now, if, and if she's not just sort of being bullshitting, she's severely psychotic. I mean, that's psychosis.


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[Assistant] No, I don't see any of their phasers. It's just what she's talking about. It's so disorganized. It almost, it almost sounds, you know, delirious. Like she's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, crush injuries like that, those are common and they, they unglub the, oh, it's just the worst. It's the worst.


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[Assistant] One of Mo's bonks on the head would be six months of trouble. And it is funny when it's the three stooges alone.


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[Assistant] Yes, yes. So there was a quality of the reaction that was like, Oh my God, that's funny. And I was like, Oh my God, that's really a pin in a pinning pinning against the wall. I remember when I worked, I worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know because it was, it's unusual. We're not used to that, but it would have to be really studied. We have to see what the outcomes are. I, I'm a little concerned with the biological reassignments. Uh, the president, the American Academy of pediatrics just came out strongly against it. Um, is that being done? Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] Like they're being, if they say, I feel like a girl today, and even though I'm a boy, you better get on those hormones right away, the three year old. And, uh, concerning. And we don't even know the full medical consequence of that either yet. So it's all about.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, am I crazy? But, but I, this part I, I'm sort of agnostic about?


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[Assistant] I'm more worried with the way this guy's treating his children. It does not feel very connected or empathic. It feels very.


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[Assistant] Tutorial. Everything's very like weird and formal. Maybe it's just because the camera's there. I don't know. Right, right. Oh, it could be.


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[Assistant] Do you guys know Theo Von? Yeah, we know. Theo was, you know, he'll, he'll talk about being raised around that. Oh really? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. He does not have good feelings about what was going on there. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. All right.


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[Assistant] I just feel, I feel sad. It makes me sad. It makes me sad. What part of it? Just that we're failing people so miserably.


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[Assistant] Okay, he'll be fine there. He'll be fine amongst his peers.


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[Assistant] I was, I almost went to the Juggalo Convent, what do they call it? The Gathering? Yeaah. I wanna go to the Gathering.


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[Assistant] Well, people warned me off going because they said it'd be too scary that I would get hurt. I think that's a good, that's a good thought. I really wanted to go though, I really did.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. And he socially, like I said, I got sad. But to know there's a place, a home, even for him, amongst the Juggalos, I mean, that felt pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another one I'm in love with? This is just good comedy, man. Well, I'm saying, like, do you think, is there anything to doing that? Is there, like, should I be concerned about her?


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[Assistant] I thought it was him. I'm looking for my favorite picture here for you guys. Juggalos? Yes. My juggalo picture. I'm gonna find it.


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[Assistant] Well, maybe. I just don't want them to kill me if I show up.


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[Assistant] So that's sort of like the, uh,


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[Assistant] They never are seen anywhere without either a Mexican wrestling mask or that clown makeup on. Ever. They've never been seen.


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[Assistant] There's a little bit too much aggression and violence when they gather, but other than that, I have no quarrels.


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[Assistant] Yes. So they super get off on this, it's not just comedy.


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[Assistant] You know, there's a high degree of secondary enforcement. What's that mean? She gets paid a lot probably to do this. Oh yeaah. So it may just be one of those things.


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[Assistant] I think, uh, Susan says she's tired and she made a crappy dinner.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. Please, come on. Come on, Susan. Come on, she's missing such good material.


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[Assistant] Hi Susan, you're on the podcast. You didn't tell me that, hey, you didn't tell me that your mom's house is just these two sitting around watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't tell me that your mom's, hang on, you didn't tell me your mom's house is just these two sitting around watching fart videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the guy who farts on his dogs. That's animal abuse, right? Well, in our world, our dogs abuse us.


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[Assistant] I'm like, it was a serious workaholic though, so everything seems easy to me since those days.


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[Assistant] I've, I've, I don't, I'm not an expert in this area, but I've always had the sense that it was something to do with being force fed as a child or something. That it was too gratifying or maybe the breastfeeding was done in too aggressive a way or something. So they always feel like they're overwhelmed by it. And so that feels sexual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so the methane that's produced by the bacteria can be high volume, even if he holds it in for periods of time and then films it when it's time to go. He probably knows what to give him feed himself to get the optimal product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes swallowing air, sometimes people will swallow a lot of air. And some of you guys can suck in air. They can actually suck it like Will The Farter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Farts and shit are a sort of disconnected phenomena. What? Yeah, they're sort of disconnected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can be a little connected, but obviously there's some connection there, but they're, they're independent. They're not like... A fart will come out with the shit, but the shit still... Yea, and she said the farts push the shit out. And it's a little different. And the farts just come out. They just start getting...


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[Assistant] It's stalking behaviors and I'm not going to know when to leave or go. Give me one more. Give you one more. Give me, give me a high grade, no violent medical injury stuff that I'm going to be thinking about the surgical suites.


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[Assistant] You know, my radio partner, Mike Catherwood, sends me weird stuff all the time. He goes on the dark web, and he's very fascinated with, uh, people that diarrhea on each other. I need to connect Tom and Micah.


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[Assistant] And uh, there's a woman I ended up interviewing several times who was in recovery from this. And so she can talk about what the delusion is like when you're in it and how people get into that and how they get out of it.


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[Assistant] There are laws against the consanguinity in producing kids at that close. You can't do that. But, uh, I don't know. I have a question. Government overreach, we should get involved with that at all. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can with your siblings and with your mom, but the risk of trouble is there. Really high.


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[Assistant] Lessor so with cousins. As you get further and further away, it's lesser, and cousins is not that big a risk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Granny from Beverly Hillbillies? Yeaah. Pretty accurate, yeaah. What does she actually look like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Intrigued or I feel sad. Yeah. Those are the two feelings I get around. Like, like really people do that. And then I get sad because I know how fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean the stuff, and the stuff they send you, I'm impressed. I'm, I'm, I gotta get Catherine Wood in your, in your, my radio partner in, in.


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[Assistant] Uh, and so it, it's, you know, we live in a time where people have been abused, their body boundaries have been violated. They have no personal boundaries. They've come from no unstructured family systems. And you know, that's, this is it. And shame is, shame is the sort of.


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[Assistant] Just by being an uber narcissist. And that, I'm surprised that has not come crashing down more. So I feel like there's a push for it more lately. It's coming now. It's starting to come and it's been, I always thought that was the most extraordinary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a place of business, can you imagine that the person in the highest level of authority taking advantage of the person at the lowest level? That guy would, that CEO would go to jail, not only being a civil problem. And if his wife came at and then tried to abuse the intern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She'd be in trouble too. It's like, it's not okay.


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[Assistant] But I guess, like we said at the beginning, to be a president, you can't be all that healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no. No, no. I could see why somebody would say that's funny. See? Let's put it this way. First of all, they were not female.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need Julie to put a jacket on because we're all in white. I asked her before we came on. Julie, you need to put a jacket on.


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[Assistant] Cause we're livin' in a trunk. We're livin' in a trunk. Come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I put a shit egg in my heart you say, vagina.


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[Assistant] Okay, 10 to 12. I know. It's not even.


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[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? I can probably handle a month with Nancy Pelosi. Okay. She's got a nice set of lungs, okay. She's had some work done. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holler at your boy, September 27th. Two shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Albany at the Funny Bone, first one sold out. Second one only had like 30 tickets left, so by the time you hear this, I don't know what's left. The next day, Reading, Pennsylvania, the, uh, Sandhander Performing Arts Center. The next day, the State Theater, uh, September 29th in Portland, Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the end of the week at the big ol' Sony Center for the Performing Arts in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, part of JFL 42.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the province you're from. Uhm, and I, I go from there, I'm home for a little bit, and then I go to Ann Arbor, Indian Appletits, and the Hard Rock, Hardcock. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Cumsino, and Northfield, just outside of Cleveland, Ohio. I go to St. Louis Tits then later in October.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then fart go North Dakota. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so yeaah, that's that. I'm very excited. Go to TomSkaura.com slash Tor or go to Christina P.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] October 8th, live- I said it. I said it. Okay, live by Pomcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, all right, Jane, a lot to get into. Let's get the show on the road. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The mad pooper, Colorado Springs. Sounds good. I thought for a second when I heard this story that it was you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. I think he died the week after he retired. He retired and then he died. Like a week later. Maybe a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. It is funny because you were the first person to point that out to me and I'd never thought about it. So one of those things you don't think about where you would walk by the TV and you'd be like, they allow this guy on TV?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd be like, what? And you're like, he's so ugly they would never let a woman like that on TV. Never. And then I was like, I started to li- the more you think about it as you watch TV, if you, if you've never thought about it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about it now and you're like, that's definitely true. That dude looks like dog shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other thing I, I didn't pay. Short skirts. Yeah, oh yeah, the little hotties on the sidelines. That's a, that's been a phenomenon for the last 15 years or so, but the uhm, and like, yeah, sometimes you're like, does she really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I look like shit. The other thing is, uh, their dad jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would even get into the point of just accepting their humor, like being like, oh, that's part of it. And now I judge it more harshly, like these fucking tools making their terrible jokes. And they're like, right, look at Scott, what he's doing right now. And then they're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is fine by the way, you can have separate interests, you know? Of course. No, I know, I'm just like, I feel like some people are like, you know, the whole, we do everything together or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we should, uh, jump into the fact that, I mean, obviously this young lady, uh, is in Colorado and, uh, we, uh, we were there, uh, I shot a special this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Denver, in Monver, Colorado, and it was an awesome, awesome experience. Great night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was scared going into the week because I was sick, the sickness that you know here in Christina's voice. Thank you. Uh, and I was anxious, man, cause you know, you're going into a taping and you don't feel good and you're coughing and your throat doesn't feel right and nasal drip. I mean, it was, it was terrifying. I mean, I really had anxiety about it. Not about the show, just about being sick, you know, and thankfully the day of the night before the show,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, I had considered canceling that comedy work show, cause I was like, what am I doing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm taping tomorrow. I don't feel good. I'm doing another show. I don't need to do this show, but I was like, I'll just do it. And I did it. And then I was like, I'm going to bed and I got some Nyquil. Took my meds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I got good sleep, like I got solid, you know, eight hours or something. Or I woke up and I was like, I don't feel like absolutely dragging, like I'm exhausted right now. And that put me in a good mental place that like I got good rest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was still sick, but I was, I was coming out of it, you know? Like I still, right now I just have like the lingering last effects of it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the, I had the, you know, the thought like, oh okay, I'm well enough to get through. And then you arrived, and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we got lunch and then it was like, okay, like the routine, you know, the day is getting going and we just kind of, we eased into it. We just took it easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then that night, I mean, that was nuts, right? Like those-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, I'm not an unbearable egomaniac to begin with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, you know it's funny as like we talk about things on this show, like I always make jokes, but like I don't like crowds and I don't like, I don't wanna fuckin', you know, I've had jokes in my act, like I'm all friended up and all this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you say those things in your act and you talk about it, then people end up, like people, I meet people after shows and they go, I know you don't want to meet me right now. Uh, I know this is your least favorite part of this right now. And I'm like, no, cause it's always super nice people. Of course. I'm like, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about just the masses, you know, like loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what'll make you hate people? Uh, going to an NFL game. We went to the Broncos game and like you just see, I mean, there's great people at the game, but there's just the loud obnoxious drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, scumbags that fill every NFL stadium and you're like, Oh my God, can they just put these people down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I was amazed by? The restraint that I saw these, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were throwing a guy out and he was wearing a purposely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who in society does that? Like who? Scumbags. Right. Dirtbags. We were just watching and I'm like, how out of your mind are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like double, the double birds. And like pointing to his dick. Fuck you, you piece of shit. And, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're kind of slowly walking towards like very calmly and they're like, and then he kept backing up and he had this giant oversized hat on, like not a regular cowboy hat. It's like purposely enormous. And then I look over at other cops in the, in the car and they're looking and they're like smiling and I was like, you're sitting there like, can we see him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I would like to go to a game if I could get a field pass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's good perspective, you know, like you see the game, but I feel kind of removed from it. I mean, you know, like when you go to like, whatever, a high school game, you know, you can, you can walk on the sideline or like close to it, you know, I like, I like being like down on the field. I do like it. And I know you can get that. I've talked to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, cause I kinda feel this way a little bit too, is uhm, everybody feels free to shit on LA, like it's like a, you know, and so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of times people are like, when I meet them, they're like, where do you live? I live in LA. They're like, I can't stand it. I'm like, where the fuck do you live? And then they, you know, they list wherever, Toledo or something. I'm like, is that great? And they're like, I like it. I'm like, yeah, I like where I live too. Fuck you. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it when people go, I can't do all that Hollywood stuff. I'm like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I really wanted to say it meaningfully, thank you to everybody in Denver, because that was, that was a thrill for me to shoot a special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a city that I've, you know, I've always told you I love Denver, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you guys came out and the shows were fucking nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, people keep asking me. I mean, they haven't told me they'll-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll give me ballpark. I know that typically they do the three to four month turnaround, but sometimes they change it up. So we just don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like, it's clearly a runner, so I could get if you're like, oh, this happened, you know, like I panicked, this emergency, but it doesn't sound like that's what's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm saying like, in the running I've done, I've still never had to be like, oh my god, right now, right here, I have to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why I have a theory on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Local news humor. Uh, this lady is totally getting off on shitting in public. This is the equivalent of a man who pulls his dick out, you know? It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not necessarily sexual. There's a thrill. There's some type of thrill going on. She likes, she likes taking a dump in public, wiping it there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either people seeing her and going like, are you really doing this? And she's like, yep. Or discovering it. She gets a thrill out of doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what? That's not supposed to be what you said. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She jogs and get her now. Any people that watch this in that community, I'm sure they probably have pegged her by now, I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're gonna, they're gonna trump up some charges. What's the charge?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, she's, that's foul, man. And she's shitting in front of people's kids, like, you're fucking, you're nasty as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Like all of them. Yeaah. They know, they know what this show's about man. They know what it's about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you're asking me like, I feel like you're asking me what part isn't funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing, everything is funny about it. It's funny the way he tells it. It's funny that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that happened. That that's a reality somewhere. All of it's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When she stuck around for the second show and then he started, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kinda hit her, I guess, when the drugs wore off or something and then she started crying. But like, it's funny that somebody would start crying and saying, I sucked that guy's dick in a show. I would laugh at that. Wouldn't you laugh at that? Like, she just did it. She volunteered to do it. You wouldn't laugh at that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I laughed, that's half as hard as I laughed the first time he told me that. The first time he told me that, I seriously could have used an oxygen tank. Okay. I laughed so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that there's no, uhm, suitable critique of that quality?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants his $40. He's not mad that she sucked his dick. He's mad that he hasn't been paid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am so serious when I say it's sad to me that somebody's like, I don't understand what's funny about that. That's what's sad to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the reaction. It's the reaction. And it's also that, it's also that like, uhm, what's funny about that, it's, it'd be like if somebody was like, hey, these people need to shut up. And then one of them goes and snaps their neck and you're like, I didn't mean like that. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, cause it's not real, it's a fucking movie, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm explaining what's funny to my mom or something right now. It's like, I mean, the look, the sound, the fact that the car kept going back up, the engines revving, the, the guy's yelling. How to say words. He's yelling in so much pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll be like, uh, hey, I want to talk to you about something. I laugh when super funny things happen and I'm, I don't understand why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of thing are you watching? Oh, it's this little known series called Narcos on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I think it's hilarious. Because you're not the only, like, my mother's the type to go like, oh, you just love these murder shows. And then you have to go like, hey, do you think that this murder show was made? And then you're just like, I hope, I hope this one guy watches it. I mean, you realize that millions of people watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Murders, murders, murders. I like it, it's entertaining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to watch those shows or shows of people screaming cause they, you know, got hit by something or. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I told you about that time I laughed uncontrollably in a guy's face when he told me a bathtub was dropped on him, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm laughing that hard, honestly, if I would really break it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Process what's going on. In other words, like when that guy told me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the bathtub was dropped on him and he was really sincere and like told me what it did to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it wasn't like, oh, I'm laughing at your misfortune. It was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't look at him and process what was going on, so I had to laugh. You know, like I laughed to deal with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, oh, I just thought it was funny that, uh, that I laughed really hard during that thing and that Joe was like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was laughing so hard at that and I looked at you and I saw you like with that expression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't experience it that much anymore, so it's kind of a thrill and, you know, usually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's snowing, I'm in a hotel or something and I'm like, oh, I mean it looks beautiful. It's like cozy and stuff. Yeah, I like it. I like it. I like the great thing about like extremes of weather when you don't live in it is that I only experience it for like 24 hours or something, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that blind people will save a shit ton of money on electricity?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See you in Phoenix in December, Tom Armando. Armando, I've never considered that, but as soon as that thought hits your mind, it's obviously you're like, Oh, that makes total sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, depends on your level of blindness. I've talked to some blind people that told me that, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's levels obviously of blindness. So there's people that actually are seeing shades and shapes and therefore like, you know, they sense light coming in that can affect, you know, where they see what their limited sight sees, right? And there's people that are totally 100% blind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh my god. So a Salome, uh, just to remind people, had not left of, uh, or the messages for Salome had not been left in a long time. And then, uhm, last week out of nowhere, it happened again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite part about the old, uh, Salome voicemail, there was this guy that would translate a lot of them. He told me, he's like, man, it is so inappropriate for like a woman that is obviously an older woman to talk the way she talks. She's cursing. Oh, he's like, she's so vulgar. She's saying things that like street guys say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's always giving uh, Salome advice. She's like, you know, put the, put bags on the fruit trees and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to do this and this medicine, pick it up from here, costs a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's like asking the LA community, it's like asking the LA community, find that blonde Amanda. Let her know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we need the, the Durka detectives to get it together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Durka detectives to get together and solve the Salome mystery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, an email that came in on your sneeze. Hey guys. It's Friday, September 15th. After countless hours long, sleepless nights, extreme night terrors keeping me from having a decent family life. I would like to address the research I've been doing on Tina's sneeze. If you listen very closely, she's saying Jada as she sneezes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My theory on this is after being told many times that when I was younger,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was obviously hurting inside and extruded Jada's name in a last ditch effort to keep the demons out of her mind and off her back. I hope this helps and I hope I can get some sleep now. It's been a rough month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I couldn't get the sound out of my head, stay high, tight, and definitely stay non-binary and white. Love, Sky. And white. I don't know, you threw that in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but you're also not married to the fucking Will Smith. Like think about being married to Will Smith. I picture, I picture myself married to Will Smith and he's like, uh, I just, whatever, slammed a bunch of hoes. I'd be like, yeah, that's kind of what I signed up for. You're Will Smith.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you? No. But I mean, that's not what I sign up for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a really good question. Uhm, I have seen some big old sloppy dicks in locker rooms and such. But to be fair, I've seen some small old dicks too, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any portion of the population, but everything is sagging. It's hanging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, the skin will hang on it, but it's still little, but like, you know, it'll have like sloppy or hangy balls, you know, like big sloppy balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta show you this, uh, I found a new star for you. A strong performer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, really giving people the business too. You'll like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like within 10 minutes you can feel the water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but what you just ate is triggering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were sitting in there with our kid in the playroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was like, uh, and I did like a little butt cheek lift and then my eyes bugged out. I was like, uh oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it was just, it was hot and I could feel my stomach going... I was like... I clenched and I was like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went out of the toilet, it was like opening a faucet. Just a brown faucet. Guatemalan faucet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. What you just said is, it can't come out that fast. But it's making you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your digestive system is going like, woah, we need to clear out this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like, interacting with other children and like, the adults that will be in those settings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For him to say, I go poo poo. Yeah. Oh, okay, man. Like I dump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check this out. I think this might be, is this in St. Louis Tits?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you get to, St. Louis is basically all dedicated to McDonald's. When you get there, like I want to see the Golden Arches. It is not. Yeaah, I want to see Ronald McDonald, this is where, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When people that you, that they don't fit the way they talk basically?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not from last week, that's from like three years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not a pimp, but it is a white guy who talks like a pimp. Uhm, but then there's, you know, there's other people that, you know, we've, uh, that like that, you know, that girl who's like, Oh, you know, uhm, what was her name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's, she's like ghetto though. You're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Asian chicks talking like that. I mean it obviously exists. This is in Houston. It's a, it's like a little convenience store. The Asian dude is behind the counter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks like all the customers are black, and he's talking mad shit to one of his customers. So we don't know what's leading up to this shit talking, but you get the feeling that the Asian guy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is justified, like that the other guy has, I don't know, started something, said something. But it's just wild to see an Asian dude, I think, like this, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that it's an Asian dude that is, but like, that he talks like that. What's your business?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like I even talk about it to a much lesser degree how people react to me when I speak Spanish and they're like, Oh, I didn't think you'd speak Spanish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's obviously people that look like me that speak Spanish, but they still react like, I just didn't expect that out of you, you know? It's like, when you hear...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude talked this way and he looks like this. It's crazy. Yeah, it's like stunning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn homie. Maybe that's just what it's like to live in Houston. You start talking like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna know, like, did you immigrate to this country and you showed up and you were like, oh, like, trying to figure out the culture and, and then you just were immersed in gas station Houston culture?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, native, but he- he sounds like a native English speaker, right? I don't think he sounds like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, again, that Asian dude was kind of someone who's like, that motherfucker got me fucked up. Which is like, real specific. To be like, for that to be part of your vernacular is pretty, you know, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like you, you don't just like hear a show once and start saying that. That dude has been immersed in this for a long time. It's wild, man. That is, I could watch, I would watch a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also people are just, most of the time, coming to get fucked up. So it's not like your people are like, hey man, can I get that book? No, it's hostile. Cigars, cigarettes, liquor and beer. Liquor stores.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, fuck, I need to pay for this gas, I need to go to the bathroom, and you're like, I need to get the fuck out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I pulled into gas stations before and thought it was so shady that I'd go drive to find another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's states that have, um, differing laws for counties. So you can have a dry county and then the next county over you can buy alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but it's big business. People make a lot of money. People make a lot of money. Uhm, what do you feel about, I guess this is a question about this, eating on the turlet? As we all know, there's a pretty popular YMH page on Facebook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've noticed recently there's a rise in mommies thinking it's okay to literally eat where they shit. I can't believe this is absolutely horrific trend is going unnoticed and widely accepted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even think like that. I just am like, what? I mean, why wouldn't you just go back to your food? Like just why are you bringing it to the toilet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, I'm not a big supporter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you should just, you should eat then shit, um, shit then eat, and if you, uh, have food that you want to eat and you also have to shit, just wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess we settled it. Eat all your meals on the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, uh, we gotta actually run this week. I have a very full day today and, um, I want to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exciting amaze, I just saw artwork, I just saw a trailer, very excited for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll be up very soon. It's an excellent special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you guys again for listening. Here is F A R T by Billy Robot. We will see you next week. Um, we have a great guest next week. Um, I'll, I'll just save it for who it is. Okay. I'll save it. Bye jeans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, why is Bert Kreisler so fat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you walk up to a rattlesnake, do you stand there? Or do you run like hell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh. And take a chance again, better not. Uh huh. And run? That's like, do I take a chance letting people in? Right. Or take a chance again and stab it in the back again? Oh, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just like a, it was just like fooling around and like a bunch of guys were around and we were just goofing off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually last year I was really confused and to me it felt like a contraction but nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why you bitches and people is mad, just because I say I'm black and Ancestry.com say I'm black


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the end of the day, what is a race anyways? You feel me? Cause like, we all want, we all here in this world supposed to be equal. It's just in the past people was messed up and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, now, like, we, we should all be one. We shouldn't be looked at by race or they this color or they that. We should be looked at as one. It shouldn't even be what Ancestry.com said or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, or what they look like, or what their hair look like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, what did you see there? It says right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're- I am a triple D. Yeaah, so that makes sense. That makes total sense. But we were doing everything wrong, because I was using 34, and it's 30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the most stupid case I ever heard. Look at this, I can jump up and down and nothing moves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But guess what? What? It just happened to him again in his office. What? Why don't you tell them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cannot believe this story. Would you marry your grandson?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you went with a thousand dollars for food and sixty bucks. Yeaah. But I spent sixty bucks. But again, after I did that, I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, it's such a... A fear of this? I cannot describe to you. Really? Tommy, it's horrendous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I can put all the blankets I want? I mean yea, you can put blankets on, of course. Okay, if I can wrap up myself in 50 blankets then I keep that and give my sweats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tommy, I want to tell you about this. Those were good jokes. I want to tell you about this tape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want him to kiss me, to hug me, to, you know. Well, it just takes time though. Yeah, but I was here for six days. I know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. That was cool. It was called Stranger Bikes and it's by, uh, let's see, Snick and Steven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stranger Bikes, playing off the Stranger Things theme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess there's a big uproar right now. People are upset that they didn't renew Sense8.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't- I saw the pilot. That's the only thing I saw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, have an orgasm, just not ejaculate. Let the orgasm happen on the inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because you still have semen coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The expresso one makes me the most upset, because I hear, uh, servers and baristas say it. And they're like, and you want an extra shot of expresso in that? How do you work here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The math was, the hooker math was, you get like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, an extra hundred dollars. And she goes, so, get an extra hundred bucks. He comes inside, then, you know, uh, the morning after pill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sixty bucks, huh? Like I was telling you, if, if, if she had been like, and then for like a guy to finish inside, you know, I get another $400, we're like, well, you know, that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just to show you like what scumbags the, like that industry is run by. They don't even go like, here's 140, so the 40 you get to- The plan B is covered. You get to make $100. They're like, you figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they were going, I think we should finish it. Because if you notice they would go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like up and down, right? So like they would do one person who was like, it was a blast back then. And now I'm having, you know, I'm retired and, and, uh, yeah. And so, and then, so like, that's a kind of a sweeter story. Then you go to the, the guy's like, I have AIDS and you're like, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they go to the lady who was like, I had a lot of fun doing it and you know, it was crazy, blah, blah, blah. So I think we should, I think if we keep watching, we're going to get somewhere, you know, maybe fun. But it definitely wasn't hooker hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. His was like, man his HIV story, you're like, Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad was telling me about that, uhm, about some of these bodies you see on people. So like, if you don't know, Top Dog, who's obviously been on this show a million times, he was a competitive Olympic lifter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean from the time he was 13 till about 29 or 30 and he would working out 6 days a week most of his workouts were like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three hours plus. Like these guys were maniacs. And he goes, you know, I was in great shape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a two time state champion. I was ranked nationally. He goes, I didn't have a, like the body that you see some of these guys have. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I work out, I eat a steak, potato, and that was what he did. But it's interesting because you see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These days you see, uhm, crazy bodies, so, especially in men, like, super, uhm, sculpted, you know, statuesque bodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but it's also the era of like people taking growth hormone and, and, uh, and test, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, access to all these things. Because with him, like, I've seen pictures of him in his, in his, like, super competitive lifting days, and he looks like a super fit guy, but you don't see, like, muscles kind of falling off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have the same blueprint. My dad just took it in the direction of working hard at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I could, I could pursue it more. He, but like, we were talking about his workouts one time and I was like, fuck that dude. I mean, he was competitive, it was different. I mean, I wouldn't, I don't have the desire to do what he was doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He also had a group, this is the thing, they would lift as like a team, and he goes like, if you left early or skipped any day,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, the other guys would ride you so hard about it that you were like, fuck that. Like they would only go on dates after, you know what I mean? So if it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'll pick you up on Friday and you go like seven, I'd be like, no, nine thirty. After I'm done. Yeah, when I'm done. Discipline. Wow. So they were so, so into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did, yea, why it went to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, that's hot. Cause I don't feel like that is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Public relations. You're not part of the transsexual adjustment staff, are you? What's the TA?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instagram is my favorite social media. Isn't it the best? It is. I like photos. I like, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking at a photo and deciding like that's enough information for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like a nice caption, a photo, I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know one thing I saw that I realized is fucking super weird to me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I love cars, you know, I've always been...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In love with cars, since I was a little boy. I like playing with toy cars, I like car magazines, I just love cars. But you'll find somebody that has, you know, a photo, like let's say I found, oh this guy in front of his car. I'm like, that's a beautiful car. Go to his page, and his page is nothing but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, it's just like, it's too much. And it's also like, this guy defines himself entirely by what he has.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's basically, uhm, it's, it's, I mean I can say this, it's just like I had an audition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What were we talking about? We were talking about, well we were talking about the porno thing before the break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodies. Bodies. Uhm, and then I played this fucking guy. So do you want to know what that setup was for that? Why that guy was flipping out? So apparently, there was this, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, okay, I'll tell you what the thing said here is that the guy, there was an incident occurred at the International Longshore Warehouse Union in Longview, Washington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And reporters were there to ask about a hostage situation that happened weeks prior. So six guards were held hostage for a couple hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, after 500 or more longshoremen broke down gates and smashed windows in the guard shack. And this longshoreman is in no mood to answer these questions. So in other words, this is something that's been like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that's the gentleman who gets more upset. I guess you see that the cameraman, one of them, starts filming something that's printed out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like how that guy maintained his sense of humor. You're not in the PR stuff, are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think it's funny that the guy goes, unless you want trespassing, like not if you want to be charged with trespassing, like unless you want robbery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's under stress and it's understandable, but I think he keeps saying it. You want trespassing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The trespassing. You're gonna give you a shot of trespassing. With the shrimps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the shrimps, the sperms, and the expresses are gonna get you trespassing. In the library.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the, uh, he has a great disposition though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to pull these all the time. That's exciting to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's, he's upset because there is a buildup of people asking this that you don't get to see. In other words, usually when someone loses their mind, it's not over something reasonable, right? It's because something builds up over time. This guy's been asked these questions for six weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck you, cocksucker. That's my name. I miss the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking in another language in public, because you really have a secret to tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's total, like, it is that some people have, uh, total disregard for the world around them and for other people.