[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, all I'm saying is that like when Nam is a swimmer, like sometimes you get athlete's foot because everyone's on their deck barefoot and like there's fungus that's there. So if you're just, I don't know, fungus is, you can fungus spread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, but also like, some of these movies where they get like a 99% and you're like, oh, so like what, what did like Goodfellas get? A 97? And you have a, it's just, you're like, what the fuck are we, I don't know, just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, these are the lowest, lowest to


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[Assistant] Oh, it's the one with him as a woman, right? No, Jack and Jill.


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[Assistant] I think it was, uh, I know it was a McBride show. I can't remember if it was Vice Principals or if it was the baseball one.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but they used the score from Cro- Eastbound and Down from Crocodile Dundee 2 that I was obsessed with for a very long time and I wanted somebody to like sample it on like a hip hop song, never happened. I'm sitting there watching Eastbound and Down and I just hear it fucking kick on and I was like, oh,


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[Assistant] Should we do a pod co, uh, you watch the pod or you watch it and then we talk about it on the pod?


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[Assistant] This is insane. That movie was during an era where like I think the batting average for comedies was pretty sky high. It felt like you could go to see a comedy almost every weekend and be like, I think that was the funniest movie of the year. And then you'd see another one in two weeks and you'd be like, well, fuck.


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[Assistant] That was hilarious. And I think it was in that era


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[Assistant] When it was like old school, into Anchorman, into early Judd Appetown movies, into all those other like Seth's movies, like shit was, people were coming on fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If dodgeball came out now, it'd be everyone's favorite movie. Then it was just like, kinda like second tier.


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[Assistant] Wedding, I mean dude, it was, people were, as Blake says, coming on fire.


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[Assistant] I think- I think the gen pop would love it right now. I don't- people like to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you were like, that's not him, that's Ders. I like that.


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[Assistant] But then her like PR train was like, I mean, I worked with her. She's, she's pretty funny.


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[Assistant] No, it's less that and more like, I think when people bait her, she's just like, I'm not doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they go, you're not gonna, she's like. No, she's, she's not playing the game, but yet she is not playing along. I don't think so. Like she's the one who. But yet she is. Made Ellen, like she's the one who goes on talk shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then who was the other one? There was another. Was it Fallon or was it, uh, Kimmel?


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[Assistant] That's our time. What would number, what would it be? Uh. There's no way you're gonna get this, but. That, that video game one? Where like the, everything was like a video game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Inspector Gadget, I rewatched it, the direction is bonkers. It's crazy. Like, whoever directed that knows how to make a movie, I just don't think they nailed what that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Adam, you, any, uh, wait, so what is this movie?


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[Assistant] I think we waited til three with our oldest and now we have a two year old who, like, we let watch some of what the movies are at the house. Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And remember, remember their other movie, The Squeakwool? Yeah, that's the greatest title in a movie of all time.


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[Assistant] The lowest percentage. I think Game Over Man was 18 or 13.


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[Assistant] See, but that's all the airbender people going on, uh, Rotten Tomatoes and going hard and being like, this sucks, get out.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna say this till the day I die. I wrote it. But when we watched the cut, I said I would take away that frame from the top where it explodes. I would cut away from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's Kyle. You're putting it on Kyle. I'm saying I said that out loud, and then he was like, what? And he was licking his fingers, eating a baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I was like, dude, we can get like seven of these things. And then you guys told me that they don't actually kill a bunch for the shot. And then I was like, well, then maybe we don't need to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you don't remember this, right. Or like pictures with the crew all holding it, like a Fairly Brothers movie where they're like, the dog's getting licked, we all love the dog.


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[Assistant] Like, I mean, dude, the Fairly Brothers movies got wild, where it was like the conjoined twin movie, I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky Stinecki, that script has been around for 20 years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember back in the day it was gonna be, uh, a Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand how, like how good is a script that it sticks around for 20 years but doesn't get made. Like who's hanging on to the script?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it- was it in his hands the whole time then? So it was his movie. I- I guess so. I- I'm not, uh- Okay, then that makes sense if it's in one guy's hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All my butt. So tell us about Ricky Sunecki while I'm back on my comedy shit guys. I'm on that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but no, I don't think it's almost sold out.


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[Assistant] And it's not underwater. Atlantic City. Hard rock. You know what?


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[Assistant] I bought a Hard Rock shirt in Seattle and it had a very strange fit to it so I didn't wear it. It was like super tight on my shoulders and then long as fuck. So Hard Rock, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I said. You were like, we have to!


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[Assistant] I do, I do want a, I want a good Atlantic City dinner on Thursday night.


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[Assistant] I mean, I know it builds very slowly, but if you started it now, it'd probably be pretty great. And you could run for 45 seconds. I'll pay for it. That's very nice of you, Adam. Thank you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, this is, this is one. Two has stronger vibes.


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[Assistant] And then Reginald Bell Johnson says driver and he has like the boomerang satellite on the left.


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[Assistant] This is important, is back on the road on Friday, April 19th. That's right, 420 Eve, my fellow stoners. I don't smoke.


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[Assistant] Adam Blake and myself, Anders are hitting the hard rock city hotel and casino in Atlantic city to bring TII nation to another live show.


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[Assistant] Tickets are available now at HardRockHotelAtlanticCity.com or you can go to the link in our bio on our at pot important Instagram page. You are so dumb if you don't get your tickets right now because they will sell out hot, hot, hot. Yes points. Come party with us in Atlantic City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heh. Yes, I'm glad I didn't have my body smugglers on.


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[Assistant] And I felt this sort of ice cold column right through the middle of my body, but my extremities feeling warm, everything else feeling warm.


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[Assistant] My extremities started shaking as they became freezing cold before I sort of returned to normal temperature. I was told later that is the beginning of a hypothermic reaction, so that's how cold it was.


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[Assistant] No, I wasn't always reading for Dick Winters because they didn't have all the scripts at that point. They didn't have enough material for us to read and some of the material we were reading never made it to the final 10 episodes and we were just given chunks of dialogue to read and for me after the first


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find out what that was. Dick just had quite a simple Midwest conservative accent. He was actually from Pennsylvania. He wasn't Midwestern, but it was just a very simple...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was no flourish to it. Very conservative, came out of his Dutch Mennonite upbringing, his conservative religious upbringing. It wasn't that it was clipped, but it was no frills. That's just what I tried to go for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I didn't know anything about it, it was just a young kid. So I arrive at shutters on the beach and I'm looking at it going, bloody hell, this is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy crap, this could be happening, otherwise why treat me so nicely? But the moment I get there, the very first day I get there, because I go back for a second day, I get to the casting suites which are in Santa Monica, in one of those typical sort of low-rise white box LA buildings, and there is a man, kid, sitting outside the office,


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[Assistant] Who I kid you not is the spitting image of Dick Winters. And I see him.


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[Assistant] And I look at it and I go, well, that's just a bad joke. Isn't it? They've put me up in an ice cell to the brought me all the way out here just to tell me, thank you very much. We're going to give the part to this guy. Cause I mean, this guy is, it's like Dick Winter's his love child. He is the spitting image. Anyway, he goes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a Canadian actor, I forget his name, he comes out five minutes later having had a chat, looks me in the eye, and I'll never forget this, he was most generous, he just looked me in the eye and said, good luck with it man. All the luck. And then he just went away. And I just thought,


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[Assistant] Tony Toe revealed, you know, later in our friendship, he just said, after your first reading, I knew you were Winters. He said, I knew you were our Winters. And I said, why?


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[Assistant] Much like you're asking me why, and I think it's to do with the fact that I am from a private school background.


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[Assistant] And I think it's to do with, I think that was probably up against all those hip.


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[Assistant] American actors, LA actors, most of whom were doing screen work and I was still putting on pairs of tights and doing the Royal Shakespeare Company. I think there was something, I mean to be frank, probably just a bit stiff about me. I was probably a bit old fashioned and a bit stiff and a bit uncool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's our guy. I think that was it. I think there was something in just the way I must have held myself and walked into that room that seemed old fashioned and sort of conservative, I guess. I was about as far from Jimmy Dean as you could get, I think is what happened.


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[Assistant] Well, it's like, Tom was fantastic through the whole process. He was the guy who stood up when we went to Longmore camp for our training, which was essentially an immersive, naturalistic...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Method rehearsal for two weeks, ten days, two weeks where we remained in character for the whole time, which is.


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[Assistant] As not just another gig, but what we're creating here is a social document to honor the memories of these men and a critical part of all our history.


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[Assistant] Dicks memories of the war and the way he spoke about it was procedural. He was unquestionably one of the finest soldiers of his generation. The men adored him because they trusted him. If he wasn't easy to adore,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In person, they adored the fact that if Dick said, right, we're going on a mission, all the men would put their hand up because.


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[Assistant] Firstly, there is a pretty bloody good chance you'd get the mission accomplished.


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[Assistant] Files of his recollections of the war and


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[Assistant] What he achieved in the war. Diaries. But they're not emotional diaries, they're not how I felt. You weren't gonna sit in the bar till three o'clock with Dick in the morning drinking whiskey and ending up crying and weeping. You did that with babe, you did that with Bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, he was very suspicious of this at the outset. He thought, you know, they were going to hollywoodise a story that was personal to him and so he was reluctant at first.


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[Assistant] He was won over I think by our sincerity to serve the memory of him and Easy Company properly. He was humble. He wasn't without ego. I'll say that. He wasn't without ego.


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[Assistant] And they wanted to model it on him, on his features, and he said, no, it must be a blank soldier. I don't want it modeled on me because I don't want to be sort of on a pedestal above the rest. And I think his wishes were ignored actually, because it does look, doesn't quite look like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, certainly the way in which men nowadays approach their emotional selves is vastly different, yes, from a man in the 1930s and 40s and especially a man


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[Assistant] Who's regimented and has been institutionalized through the army. So yes, unquestionably a lot of the lads.


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[Assistant] Did, of course, as we just talked about, you know, they were happy to talk about it and were freely emotional about their experiences, but it was.


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[Assistant] He was a commanding officer. He was the personality type to be a good commanding officer. Extremely calm under fire, able to make quick decisions under duress and a man.


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[Assistant] You need, in that situation, in that position, who can put away his emotional self, his more temperamental side, in order to think clearly.


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[Assistant] You know what, I think probably in his defense he was, that was a conversation we had where he said in the first two or three episodes, I wasn't sure about you, but you did well kid, is what he said to me. Having looked at it for precisely that reason, it's interesting Tom said that and that the writers had discussed that because I sort of unilaterally had taken that decision myself that that needed to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was probably just inferring something from the scripts, it was probably just already there, something that I saw and intuited from the scripts and so just saw that that's what needed to be played, but certainly I wanted to create an arc as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to watch this man grow into the hero that we know today. Would he have been less interesting had he landed already the finished article?


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[Assistant] The hero, uh, you know, this was a man who just routinely won the office's Olympics at Toccoa. He was in better shape than anyone else. His body shape was all from body weight. He didn't really lift in a big way. So he didn't have a contemporary gym body, which I was.


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[Assistant] So, I think he did struggle with that initially. Uncertainty, self-doubt, growing into something heroic and victorious.


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[Assistant] I didn't particularly, no, our worlds were too far apart. It made me feel even more so like an actor, like an interpreter of a story and further away from any imaginings I might have had of myself as a soldier in war when you're confronted with a war hero.


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[Assistant] There you go. Where there's a will, there's a way, you see. You just have to think it. That's the secret to all acting. Just think it.


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[Assistant] Who is not given to an effusive personality, is not given to demonstration and he's a contained man of action. He's a man of few words, he only speaks when it's necessary.


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[Assistant] So how'd you make that interesting? And I did go to people like that and look at films of that type of actor, people who achieved a lot saying very little or conveying a lot. But I was always, always uncertain about it. And I never was fully confident that I was pulling it off.


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[Assistant] But I stuck with it, I just said this has got to be the way I have to play him. He's got to be still, he's got to listen.


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[Assistant] And you've got to judge him by his actions and actually you allow the response of everyone around him and the reaction of everyone around him to create the hero. Don't act a hero because you look like an idiot. Yeah, that was a decision I took and I just hoped that it would be.


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[Assistant] Interesting in some way, but I, I was constantly telling myself, do nothing, do nothing, do nothing, just listen.


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[Assistant] Heartbreaking, the most awful moments in the whole series when they set episode 10 up beautifully and it feels like an elegiac episode, a look back on the series and the lads are celebrating and they're in the sunny uplands of Zellum Sea and then suddenly Spears just delivers this bolt.


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[Assistant] The poor decision making in these men, the way in which really they're rattled and then people start dying. An American shoots at Grant, shoots him in the head.


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[Assistant] This is the residue of war and it's affecting all of them. And I love that dark undercurrent through episode 10. And so Dick is left thinking, what do I do with my life? I'm a soldier and I should go to the Pacific.


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[Assistant] You just see his confusion and his the inarticulacy of a, of a simple man who had had his confidence shot to pieces by then. And Dick just says,


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[Assistant] You did good kid and you should hold your head up proud and don't try to explain too much. Just know that you were a great soldier and it's a beautiful.


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[Assistant] The moment in the entire 10 hours where something is articulated, where war is ennobled and what it is to serve with men and die alongside your fellow soldiers, your fellow man.


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[Assistant] People are experiencing equal pain, equal uncertainty, equal doubt and trauma. That's what Band of Brothers highlights so, so perfectly.


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[Assistant] I think they were great friends from different sides of the track. I mean, Winters was, sure he was middle class, but it was a very simple upbringing. You know, as we've touched on, Dutch men a night, no drinking, no smoking, no shagging, just conservative, religious, moral upbringing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nick's conversely was an Ivy League boy, Yale educated, monied, successful parents with houses dotted around the place, but they found a companionship. It's interesting to note that Dick, I actually don't know the numbers, but the majority


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of lads in Easy Company were 19, 20, 21 years old. Dick was just five years older, but that's very telling. He'd already been through university college as you say, 26 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Nix was closer to his age. He had similar rank. In fact, there's one point in the series where Nix outranks Dick because he goes up to intelligence, goes into the intelligence division.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a lot of these lads joined the army because they could get three square meals a day and a roof over their heads. You know, some of them were real, they were street punks. They didn't come from stable homes and solid backgrounds, good educations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything. They learned friendship and loyalty. They learned discipline. And my god, what a hard way to learn it. But what an incredible...


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[Assistant] There's a bit of envy, I think, in all of us. No one wants to go to war. But in any man, in peacetime, there must sort of somewhere deep down reside the thought that an envious thought to become a man forged in the fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that. And the intensity of battle is the ultimate test and the ultimate making of a man. They saw terrible things as you alluded to earlier. They had to do terrible things. But my god, the bond.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. And I think that notoriety in the final 20 years of their life, you know, this started in 2000, 2001. Those that were alive were alive long enough to enjoy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reception to Band of Brothers and I think they really enjoyed it and there was a group of them that used to go to all the reunions and go around and speak to people and be fated and how fabulous for them that that happened in their twilight years.


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[Assistant] They were heroes and every hero will give that response. I wasn't a hero. I did what I needed to do. Martin, one of those men, the end of that just says,


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[Assistant] That's very real. That's probably deep down as true as anything else that they did or felt. But they did stay alive and they performed and acted with a professionalism, a dedication, a patriotism, a love for each other and a desire


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, he was quite dry to talk to sometimes, and when you see his lip quiver and you see him unable to get through that quotation at the end,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dick was very rigorous, intellectually very rigorous. I think as long as what was being remembered was his men's actions and what they achieved, then I think he was happy. As soon as it became a bit Hollywood and glitzy, he was less happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as I say, he wasn't entirely without ego as a man, you know, I mean, God bless him. Let's allow him a bit of ego after what he achieved. So I think he was quite happy that people knew the story in the end. Absolutely.


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[Assistant] Yeah, actors, we talk amongst ourselves occasionally and you, you identify jobs as gigs.


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[Assistant] Camtacoa. He was always first. He was first up that sodding hill. He was first down. He did more sit ups, push ups, press ups, crunches than anyone else. He was in peak condition. And I just remember thinking, oh my god, I've got to come first. I've got to come first. I mustn't let down the memory of Dick Winters. And little secret, I didn't come first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got there and thereabouts. Let's just say, on average, I would say out of the company of men, I was in about sort of fourth and fifth. I managed to sort of get in fourth, just out of the medals, just out of the medals. But nevertheless, gave a good account of myself. Who won? Oh God, who was in the best, Nick? I wish they were all here. Everyone would put their hand up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I learned from doing Band of Brothers, we were a group of actors who came together to portray a heroic group of men and it was just our great good fortune that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were asked to do that, the sincerity and the honesty with which we all did it.


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[Assistant] Is what has bonded us. We had a profound experience that transcended the normal acting gig. It became an important life experience for all of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is manifested in the bond that we have now 20 years later. Whenever we see each other, if it hasn't been for five years even, there's a shorthand, there's an immediate connection and intimacy.


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[Assistant] A recognition of what we went through in a bond. But the reason we have that is because of...


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[Assistant] The importance of the work that we did, the honesty and the sincerity with which we approached it.


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[Assistant] Meticulously the courage, the bravery, the extraordinary lives of Easy Company and the war that they had. So really all I have to say is thank you. Thank you Easy Company for giving us that opportunity.


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[Assistant] To be understood as to understand all. To be loved as to love with all my heart.


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[Assistant] The sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier's supposed to function. Without mercy, without compassion, without remorse.


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[Assistant] All war depends upon it. All war depends upon it.


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[Assistant] There was a purity about it and I just love the idea of somebody trying to save lives in a theatre of war, you know.


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[Assistant] This one has Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. That's special. This is special. That was good too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I come where the only company marchin' every Friday night, 12 miles, full pack, in a pitch dark. Why do you think, Criber Ranaman? Janet Sobel hates us, sir.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello Roger, thank you, you beautiful bastard, I appreciate you having me on, seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, I don't have a choice really about the redheaded part anyway. We're either evil or we're the best friend, but then all of a sudden these great redheads started winning awards and I'm like, maybe I can stick around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What really happened first is Matthew Fox, who was on Party of Five and went on to do Lost, he wanted to do Band of Brothers so bad, and he couldn't, cause of his obligation to Party of Five, he was the star of it, and he told me about Band of Brothers, and I then called Meg, and Meg was like, oh yeah!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you have to remind these people sometimes that you're around, especially if you're working, they forget about you. Oh, he's working, I got him on a show. I went and I read for Meg, and I think halfway through my audition, she was like, okay, I gotta call and get you into the Tom Hanks version of these auditions, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back then, we now don't even burn CDs anymore. Back then, to burn a CD took what felt like


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[Assistant] It said in the description of Malarkey something about he loves to sing. It never really happened within the project.


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[Assistant] And first of all, I have to tell you, this is Tom Hanks. He was sitting there with a yellow legal pad writing down things. And he didn't look up. For a second I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, I mean, that's rude. You know? I just walked into the room, not that I'm anybody, but now I'm nervous as it is, it's Tom Hanks. And he kept looking down at this notepad and he kept writing. Holds his finger up like, give me one second, this is really important. So I'm like, oh, okay. And then he says out loud, fire the pool, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He broke the ice, man, with this wonderful joke. Immediately got me comfortable. I waited till the way out, but I handed Tom


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just as you said, that big cattle call, filled to this day 20 years later, I got little chili willies inside my chest, cause it was, I was so scared that day. Something I've never experienced before or after this large amount of amazing actors, some of them,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll never forget Rick Schroeder was there, you know, like Ricky Schroeder. And he was starring on NYPD Blue at the time. Never forget Frank John Hughes looking at me and going,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Malarkey's and there was a guy from Saving Private Ryan that had red, red hair and I'm like, oh, I'm screwed because they had done that together. And I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. And everybody's going in, you know, Donnie Wahlberg's going in two or three times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just never went in. What must have been going through your head just sitting there like the last kid to be picked on the schoolyard? I was 100% sure I didn't have the part, that it wasn't my role, right? At the very end of the day, four hours later,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They bring in a group and they call me in. When I did go in, I was like, fuck it, I got nothing to lose. I was with a great group of guys. I remember, uh, here's a blooper from it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was an actor in that room that didn't end up doing Band of Brothers who was just trying to outshine everybody. He was just overacting and there was a line about an old Camel cigarettes where, you know, remember that rumor that there was a penis on the Camel package, a guy taking a piss, right?


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[Assistant] So, after this guy is just destroying everybody, he's making fun of everybody, he's improving, and it's just not going well. And, uh, remember, his line was, he's supposed to look at the pack of camels and goes, where's the dick?


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[Assistant] And Donnie Wahlberg improvised and pointed at this actor and went, he's right there.


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[Assistant] Never forget it. Everybody laughed, it broke the ice. One of the greatest rooms I've ever had the privilege of being in. Obviously, Steven Spielberg was walking around with a video camera. Not really directing us, being the cameraman.


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[Assistant] Which again, sounds like intimidating, but it was not at all. It really calmed you down. Like here's Spielberg with a video camera coming around you and doing a close up on you and he's so excited that his excitement just bled through the room. It was lovely. The only couple three or four or five times I've spoken to Spielberg, he has a conversation with you.


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[Assistant] I had a conversation with him once while we were doing Band of Brothers and he told me how afraid of planes he was.


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[Assistant] So he bought this plane that travels at 52,000 feet where there's no turbulence. You know, I'm like...


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[Assistant] How do you relate to Spielberg when he's talking about a three hundred million dollar plane he's got? But he can do it. It's the strangest thing. He can relax you and he loves to talk about movies and in that room you just felt that man who was really good at making actors be the best that they could in that moment.


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[Assistant] Well a lot of it had to do with the guys too, the fellas that, I realize it now, Tom and Steven had figured out by then that those were gonna be the guys, so they brought them in last to go, this is cool, look at this combination. So that helped a lot, camaraderie between all these actors in the same boat. But I also realized that when I went in, I only went in once because I had the part


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[Assistant] When I handed Tom the CD maybe, and I was put on tape, and maybe Steven watched that, and maybe they said, well yea, to him, we still got a chemistry read for everybody. So I realized that when I walked in, I went, I think this is my part to lose, so I think I have this.


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[Assistant] During the audition process, I actually, whether I've said this before or not, I'm gonna go back on it. I didn't care at the time, because I really truly thought, I think Spielberg thought this and Tom thought this, that if your name's Malarkey, you gotta look a little Irish. You have to. I think a ginger is important. So at the time I didn't care, it was later on when the Malarkey family were...


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[Assistant] Mildly disappointed when I was cast. Now, I luckily had the honor and privilege to change their minds.


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[Assistant] Through portraying their father and grandfather, but at the time, I think it was the premiere of Band of Brothers. I went back to the hotel afterwards with the family and we had a drink and we popped some champagne. One of the daughters, she grabbed me by the shoulder. She's like, you know, when we found out it was you playing our dad, we were so pissed.


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[Assistant] Cause you look nothing like him. We thought Brad Pitt should play him. And I'm like, okay. She's like, but we love you because you brought this attention and this great- She ended up complimenting me, but they were not happy.


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[Assistant] Ginger, that's right, that's what they said. And I hated that word at the time, but when it comes out in humor like that, I don't mind it. But I loved the energy of however I portrayed Malarkey, brought more attention to him. In a show like Band of Brothers, when there's 500 speaking roles,


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[Assistant] That's all you can ask for, right, is to get a little bit more attention through the story, through the writing, and maybe through your energy to give a little bit more attention to their father, grandfather, brother.


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[Assistant] Well, I had first heard from Richard Spate that he called Malarkey because he wanted to find out about Muck, because Muck had died, so he didn't really have a ton of information. So Richard Spate warned me and said, uh, I got hung up on by Don Malarkey, so I was really nervous and I called him the first time.


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[Assistant] And he answered and he told me specifically, I don't want to talk about anything yet. And I said, okay, but can I, can I ask you a couple of questions?


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[Assistant] And he hung up on me. He was not being rude. And I could get emotional right now talking about it. I am. Every time he got even the tinge of emotion.


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[Assistant] Or it started to cry. Who the hell am I? I don't need to see that. He doesn't want to show me that. We don't know each other. He would hang up. God bless him for doing that because I would too. He wants to share it with some actor that doesn't look anything like him. And so the first couple conversations were not good. And then I just said, well, I just have a question for you. And the first question he finally answered, I said, did you smoke? And he couldn't hear me. He was very hard of hearing.


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[Assistant] His quote, like a fucking chimney. So I was like, well shit, now I gotta smoke, which was fine. Everybody else was smoking. That broke the ice. I think he just started to see my desire to tell the story correctly. So when he saw how interested I was, he trusted me to tell his truth.


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[Assistant] Him and Babe, Heffron, they had it together. They were, we're gonna do this, we're gonna tell our story, we're gonna be strong about it. Because that was their way of dealing with whatever they had inside. And Don Malarkey's way was to, uh, feel that guilt. And he had one of those cries, Raj. Heartbreaking.


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[Assistant] Like, that cry that is so deep that you feel bad that he's now stuck with you in front of him because I can't comfort that. You just try to hug him or shake his hand and it was tough to watch. And years later when I got to go on tour with these guys and do publicity things and stay in hotels with them,


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[Assistant] Watching him allow himself to cry while still speaking about this was so therapeutic for him.


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[Assistant] I learn every single day from that project and Don Malarkey. If anything, Raj, I don't feel I helped him.


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[Assistant] I feel like he helped me. I then get guilty like, well...


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[Assistant] Shit, I didn't help this guy at all. I made him talk about something he didn't want to talk about. Now I get it. We talked about the therapy part of it. But the only lesson I ever got


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[Assistant] I would sit there and stare at a man that I knew I could never be like and they had this aura around them. You could feel it in their strength. You were so glad that they were giving you their time, you know?


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[Assistant] I did. He always tried to underplay anything that sounded dramatic even though the story is absolutely true. Everybody wanted a Luger was his answer. He was like, it wasn't just me, but his story is specific.


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[Assistant] It was much closer, he said, than in the movie. Didn't have to run that far.


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[Assistant] And when he tells it, it's great, he says, I ran out there. Nobody did anything. It wasn't a Luger.


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[Assistant] And he said that he was really happy the way that was portrayed because it was almost exact. He said I was an idiot.


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[Assistant] Thanks for doing that. That was the dumbest thing I've ever done. Mike, I think you're good. You're here and it made for good television. It's not relative at all. I always say this.


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[Assistant] But my fear is still mine, right? I've never been in the position to do what these guys did, but I've been in scared situations as an actor. When you're about to do that take that you're running back, there's a special effects guy watching your feet and the second your foot lifts up, he's gonna fire that squid behind you.


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[Assistant] Isn't acting. I'm like, this guy's gonna blow a bunch of holes in me with these squibs that are underneath me. He didn't. He was awesome. He saw me fall and he waited. And I'll never forget, Captain Dildo came up to me after I shot that and he goes, come here. And we went over to the monitor and he said, look at you putting your rifle in the air instead of in the ground. He was proud of me. I was like,


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[Assistant] Every guy will tell you in Band of Brothers that it's always been tough, 20 years going by, it's a little easier to make anything about yourself. And try to take attention away from those guys, right? Easy company. The real dudes that did what they did. But I will say this.


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[Assistant] Bootcamp was an experience that I'm proud to talk about myself because it was our version. It was a bootcamp. I was not pretending. I went there thinking, okay, we're gonna pretend we're gonna read our scripts every night. We're gonna rehearse. We're gonna do fight scenes and pretend. No, this was bootcamp. It was real.


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[Assistant] It was absolutely miserable, but I will tell you this. Falling asleep that first night was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I discovered a lot about myself that it was all about control for me, that bootcamp. My back hurt. I was a hockey player. I had bad back.


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[Assistant] I tried to control it by going, if my back hurts, I'm gonna lay down when I feel like it. And then I realized, wait a minute, Grimes, what are you doing? Don Malarkey wouldn't have been like, my back hurts, I can't fight, you know, uh-uh. So once I had that moment of Scott Grimes trying to control


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[Assistant] The situation. I never tried to do it again. I jumped in.


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[Assistant] Physically, mentally, and the mental part. The only thing that made the mental part good for me.


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[Assistant] Is I like to help other people, and I like to do that because it makes me not think or worry myself. If I help other people, I don't have to think of how scared I am right now, or how exhausted I am. And the camaraderie, and lots of guys did this, to come together, and that's what Captain Dale Dye did so well.


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[Assistant] To be there for each other is what got us through those miserable, miserable nights and days of bootcamp.


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[Assistant] I never had a problem with that. In fact, I was the opposite. I knew, one, that British actors are excellent. And they have a depth about them. So does Tom and Stephen. But I think there were 11 or 13 American actors who were the kind of regulars in Band of Brothers. I felt...


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[Assistant] You sound like you're from Florida. Again, when you experience that with these people, 50 guys I think went to boot camp. You didn't care where they were from. By the end, you were all in this together telling a great story of this wonderful company.


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[Assistant] One hundred percent. When we got to bootcamp again, this was one of the scariest days because you're getting on these buses and you're being completely, oh god, they were just screaming at you.


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[Assistant] And then I got to camp Longmore. Here's Tom Hanks growing his beard and hair for the second part of Castaway. He looks like a freak. And Spielberg, their speeches were, this is not about you. Get up right now if you make it about you. And they did it in such a beautiful way that scared the crap out of me.


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[Assistant] You know we had the rules where we couldn't go to our trailers. There was a lot of great rules that looking back


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[Assistant] It had a lot to do with we were miserable, but again, Raj, if you're miserable together, you come together and it's a great way to be miserable if you're also looking around and other people are miserable, you know.


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[Assistant] Yes, it started with who went to bootcamp and who didn't. Weirdly enough, it was your right going through this and being there for as long as you had, so that when anybody came in, you had to treat them crappy. We knew how to do it because it had been done to us. I would not want to be treated that way, so I chose not to, but it was so much fun to watch.


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[Assistant] But I did feel bad for people like James McAvoy. I don't anymore. When those guys came in, they were treated horribly. Just...


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[Assistant] These guys did not want them there and it was so fun to watch the cadre. Enjoy watching us do it to other people coming in. We were like their students and it worked. They loved watching us do that.


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[Assistant] Yes. Again, the weather had a huge thing to do with that for that whole year. It was miserable. The British guys were apologizing to us. So the weather had a lot to do with it. We were beaten down. We were hurt because we did episode eight last. I'd love to talk to Tom and Steven someday about if that was just a wonderful coincidence. Even though there's two other episodes after that, but those two other episodes


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[Assistant] The weather was better. The concept of 9 and 10 is the war's ending. There's that weight that's coming off of it, except for the concentration camp. But episode 8 coincidentally was at the end, and we were


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[Assistant] Freakin' miserable. We wanted to go home. We wanted to see our families. When you'd work on something for nine months, anything that you'd do for nine months, my goodness.


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[Assistant] But now I look back and go, what a beautiful thing that was just accidentally.


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[Assistant] The beard looks miserable, and I look older. The second I shave this thing, I'm gonna look seventeen years old again. And the audience, they'll just see this young-faced kid. I knew the beard was necessary, and I had a horrible beard at the time. It grew in patches, and it was ugly, and...


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[Assistant] I had this thing on my eye, this broken blood vessel, through half the production they didn't cover it up. So you use these things that you had, these kind of gross things that you maybe had on you, to sell the miserableness of it.


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[Assistant] Yes, but there was a problem there cause you're like, wait a minute. Do we abuse our boss's son?


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[Assistant] He wanted everybody to know that he wasn't there because he was Tom Hanks' son. And we immediately knew that because he was, one, he was very good, and two, he was just...


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[Assistant] Dove in with all the abuse quickly. He took it.


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[Assistant] I decided because of our episode, it was already in the episode, I decided not to take him under my wing per se, cause he's a terrific actor, but take him under my wing and teach him what this is like. I'm like, dude, Ross McCall is gonna come up and make you do pushups, he's just gonna.


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[Assistant] Do the pushups. And so I think I helped him. He's part of this, man. We forget that Colin is in one episode. It was such a good sport and such a good addition as an actor to Band of Brothers, so we forget that he's only in one. And his role was so intrical in showing


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[Assistant] These guys, as opposed to those guys, the new guys. I'm gonna brag for a second, there's a moment in 8 when we're standing at this window, him and I, and I improvised one of those moments that describes it all.


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[Assistant] And I always loved that moment because that sold it to me. That's like, the new guy excited that he was bragging about, maybe somebody shot at him, and the weathered guy going, welcome to my last two fucking years.


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[Assistant] That is a perfect example of one guy that's seen a lot and another guy that hasn't. But George Khalil, who played Ali. Michael Fassbender. Oh, Fassbender playing Sergeant Christensen. They were underused because they were wonderful actors, obviously. Michael Fassbender's gone on and done a couple things.


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[Assistant] On the day of filming, I forget who it was, it might have been Ian Bailey or Colin Hanks said, we need to give this to these guys. So it wasn't written, I don't believe that Ali was the one that stood there with that look on his face of, I'm looking at death, I'm looking at this crushed human being. It was during production.


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[Assistant] At that point where we wanted to give guys things to do so that they felt, at the end of Bender Brothers, I was used. Cause they had worked so hard, and then to leave on George Khalil's face, and Malarkey, you're right, going like, hey man, you can stare at it all you want, it's never gonna leave you, so let's get a shower.


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[Assistant] It was quiet, first of all. Nobody spoke to me. Including like the actors, because it was written like, this is a huge moment. And instead of having lines, what has to sell it is the look on this person's face. And if I'm not mistaken, I think we did a rehearsal and we did one shot at it. So what you're seeing is the only take that we did.


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[Assistant] And I think the director knew that once you did it more than once, you were then asking someone to fake it. And then the water coming over your head. And thank God the water was hot, because if I had to fake it with the cold, it wouldn't again. It would have been totally different. I remember I had a toothache on the day, which probably helped a lot too. The elements accidentally again made that moment. You can do it again if you tried.


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[Assistant] When I watch it now, knowing where I was, it's almost like for me, the water is cleaning away


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[Assistant] The sadness, please clean away the memories that I have in my head that I watched last week. You know, that water is almost like a cleansing.


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[Assistant] I called him because I was literally like, I don't want to do these three weeks of night shoots, man. Obviously I didn't know what the outcome was going to be.


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[Assistant] Wow, that was a miserable, miserable time for them because it was cold and they're in the water and then if you remember once they go across and come back, it's just chaos.


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[Assistant] It was who Winters was. I'm gonna give Damian Lewis amazing props because it's one of the best acting moments in Band of Brothers. And he does it with his voice, he does it with his face as a leader, makes a decision,


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[Assistant] What a beautiful gift that is to give to these men. But how many did we lose on the first patrol? One. As the war's winding down, that's one more than we should. And you know that you're gonna lose another one. Who's it gonna be? I thought that was a beautiful moment and hearing the men afterwards talk about


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[Assistant] Winters and that decision. He could do anything to them after that as a person as the years went by, whether they got along and they always went, one of us is still here because of that or two of us or three of us. That one sticks with me.


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[Assistant] My hand still hurts because he has one of the strongest handshakes you will ever- I'm glad I didn't go in for the hug, you know? He's just a strong man, and he doesn't do it to intimidate you. Just who he is. I will never forget shaking his hand, feeling the strength of his hand,


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[Assistant] Almost like a Spock mind meld thing, feeling what that hand has been through. What that hand did. There was something tactile to me about touching Don Malarkey's hand. Having heard about him, playing him, talking to him, and then touching him, you're like, oh wow, this is meeting an idol.


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[Assistant] That says it all right there. The first time in a plane, you jump out of it. These men were asked to do something that no one had ever done before, really. Paratroopers existed before, but this was a different version of that. We were elevating it. That's just who these guys were. They're like, yeah, I'll volunteer for this new thing that no one's really ever done and we don't know if it's gonna work or not. You're a hero for being in the war, first of all. The strength and heroism it takes to then do this new thing, right?


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[Assistant] To be part of Airborne is unbelievable. I don't think I'd ever have that in me, but Malarkey did.


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[Assistant] He had the flu that day that they liberated that camp. And it's a quick shot of me. I'm walking and I have a mask on because of the smell. And it's one quick shot.


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[Assistant] And he saw it, and he wasn't disappointed in me. I didn't feel like he was angry. But there were men that...


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[Assistant] Died. And aren't there anymore, so he didn't want to take credit for anything he didn't do. And on top of that,


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[Assistant] There was one scene at the end where they're playing baseball that he's not in.


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[Assistant] And he's not in that scene because I missed the plane. I was so jet lagged. I missed the freaking plane to go to Switzerland. I got on a train.


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[Assistant] It took a train all the way to Switzerland, but didn't get there in time to film that baseball scene. And that was so disappointing to me and him. He was like, why aren't I in that? But I think we made it okay when Damian and me and Donnie have that scene.


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[Assistant] You know, all I can hope for when you start a project like that is that at the end the man that did all those things


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[Assistant] Gave me a thumbs up, you know, and I'm sorry that's... And I do know that I can...


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[Assistant] Sit here, uh, in front of you and, and I know he made me a better man, first of all.


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[Assistant] My parents have told me that. They said you came back with a level of strength and honor, I guess.


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[Assistant] How you treat people, how you respect people. Sorry man, this is, and uh, all I can ask for is that his family and him were proud of...


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[Assistant] What I accomplished, and I'm very proud. When I'm walking down the street and someone comes up to me, I get saluted. I never allow it, because I'm like, guys, stop, you can't salute me. But I'm being saluted, but I'm not being saluted. Don Malarkey's being saluted, so I take it now and I go.


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[Assistant] I'll pass that on to his family. Don Malarkey deserves all of that, all of the salutes, and I'm proud to have been a small part of showing people who he was.


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[Assistant] Yes. You know, when I watch the laundry room scene, I look at it.


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[Assistant] And I watched Don Malarkey walk in and the woman says, I have these other packages of laundry. And she starts listing off the names of the deceased.


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[Assistant] And I look at that actor up there, me, and I point to it and I go, I don't know how I did that. I don't know how...


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[Assistant] That emotion, I was trying to be my best. I was lucky to have that beautiful scene. But I look at it now and go, I don't know who that person is. So you gotta thank Tom Stephen, Dale Dye, and my brothers for putting me in a head space.


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[Assistant] Hit it for so many years from his family, from himself, for him to say something like that.


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[Assistant] Malarkey, again, there's Garnier, there's Babe, there's the people that were really energetic and wanting to tell their story. And Malarkey just didn't want to, but had to eventually. And what I take from that quote and from him is so happy that he got the opportunity in his life to


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[Assistant] Get it out. To finally tell his story in the way that he was proud of.


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[Assistant] And get to sit there and hold hands with his family. I have this vision in my head of either his daughter or somebody telling me that now we can sit and listen to these stories. Good and bad. He's proud of what he did. And the last thing you ever want is a man that did so much for this country and the world.


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[Assistant] And his family to have to hide that or feel ashamed about it or feel guilty about it and...


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[Assistant] I'm really glad that he got to live 20 years, especially being a hero that he should have lived long before then.


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[Assistant] And thank you for letting me talk about him, cause he deserves it.


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[Assistant] Get out of town. Okay. The fuck?


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[Assistant] In the, like, hour and a half I was there, I took four shots of Jaeger and had three beers.


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[Assistant] It was, it was fun watching you guys just kinda in your element, doing ads, just pitching stuff.


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[Assistant] And pitching products that we know and love, like.


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[Assistant] Actually, I am a little zipped up from this. I like it, you know, and it's.


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[Assistant] Like a surgeon, you remember how, I don't know, maybe back in the day they used robots?


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[Assistant] No, I'm sorry. Is that where you were going? I was where I was going. I was trying to loop back to Zoa, but...


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[Assistant] And Zoa is Coca-Cola. You know, it's sort of our beverage, our nation's beverage.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It would have, it would have flown. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Going back to this surgeon, uh, with a steady hand. Sure. I'd love to. Do we think that we all could be a surgeon? Like obviously we're too dumb. I get that. I do understand. I do understand that we don't have the brain power to be a surgeon. Right, sure. You are so dumb!


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[Assistant] So I reached in with my s- I sterilized my hand. Okay. And I reached in, I pulled the bullet out. Oh, and then, and then it's, uh, you have to, uh, oh, this kinda fucks up because now you just have to stitch it.


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[Assistant] Alright, so maybe we're on it, that story sucked. What if we're like on an island, and Blake's pancreas is exploding, and we have to get his pancreas out, and we're alone, he's gonna die, if we don't cut him open, and rip out his...


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[Assistant] It kind of is. Yea, you know how Terz is always watching.


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[Assistant] He sort of, he sort of cornered the market on, uh, Christian movies, you know, and cause didn't he, he just. Yeah, he's, he's pretty good at it. He just did the one where they're like.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, don't kidnap, don't sell children into slavery movies. Which hey, we're all on board for. I don't know why that had to be like a Christian.


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[Assistant] I gotta see it. I wanna see it. A Christian movie? Like, people are like, oh, it's a Christian movie. I'm like, well, every- I think everyone universally, Christian or not, is like, hey, that's not- Kidnap kids.


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[Assistant] What is the name? Well, for sure, because they're gonna tug on your heartstrings, because it's just like kidnapping a bunch of kids, and you're like, don't! It's just you yelling at your TV, stop doing that! No! Adam, are you okay down there? Don't!


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[Assistant] That's the question, were they of age? Cause that's not what this movie's about. It's about...


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[Assistant] The protecting of, uh, you know, a little kid.


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[Assistant] Maybe he's a creep besides that, but that's not what the movie's about, you know?


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[Assistant] Uh, maybe that's how we get, uh, the Workaholics movie made is we just call it a Christian movie and keep saying like Hollywood wouldn't make it. Hollywood would not make it. And maybe it's Christian.


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[Assistant] I just released the draft. Uh, I would say that


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[Assistant] So yeaah, so any movie I've ever done.


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[Assistant] It's a chri- it's a Christian flick, so come, come out, come out, uh.


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[Assistant] Are you gonna get re-baptized, dude? That'd be sick.


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[Assistant] I don't know if I have. No dude. It's like a priest or whatever and he's, uh, baptizing the child. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I don't, I don't really know Jim Covey. I mean, he looks like a, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He should be in movies, he has like a cool look, yeaah.


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[Assistant] People, people wanted a sexy, uh, sexy Jesus.


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[Assistant] Who now owns, uh, a energy drink. Uh, I hope he was up for it. I hope that was like a conversation. We're like, well, the rock, he is reading right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was Mel Gibson, like at the peak of Mel Gibson's powers, right? He had, he'd gone on any sort of like crazy rants at this point. He was just wildly successful.


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[Assistant] He was beloved. Blake, are you sort of mad? Are you kind of bummed that you never got that call and weren't, uh, kind of on the short list there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like how old- Because if it were to happen right now, I would like to see-


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[Assistant] Well it came out, Blake, hey Blake, you're lying dude. Maybe it was Braveheart.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was 2004. Okay. And we weren't in high school then, so...


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're talking hotness. And maybe he is a QAnon guy, and he does believe that liberal elites drink the blood of infants, so, you know. Some probably do.


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[Assistant] First of all, I've never been to that because they say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, that's basic. No, that's basic. Oh, that's basic shit. Yeah, yeah, it's basic.


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[Assistant] Okay. This is, this is even more so than that. Like, people that are like, oh, Q, you won a little trophy? Mhm.


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[Assistant] I don't know, see that's the thing about that. What does it do for you? Oh dude, it's...


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[Assistant] Because everybody has, everybody has kids, or, you know. Everybody has kids, so you're like, who?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easy access to blood. He's looking at a baby going like, I wanna drink that baby blood.


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[Assistant] I think it's a very small amount of people, uh, even if it probably doesn't even happen is what, is kind of what I'm thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is for sure, Kyle, and Kyle, uh, decided, I mean, is he off? We don't know exactly what he's doing. Right. He says that he's working on what we do in the shadows. Right, he is in Tor-Toronto. Season 6.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Season 6, the last season, the last bite. Maybe they could take that and use that. The last bite. Maybe he's off drinking baby blood. We don't know. We don't know what he's doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He chose not to do the podcast and so we don't know what he's doing right now.


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[Assistant] It does feel natural when he's not here, but, you know, so be it.


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[Assistant] That's what you tell, uh, your girl when you're like, uh, sorry, don't come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To this room, uh, I'm gonna get my pot off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An energy drink that's so delicious and so, uh, smooth, is now I want to have like four of them?


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[Assistant] And that's when it gets a little tricky. That's when you piss rocks out of your dick, like I did one time, because of energy drinks.


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[Assistant] And a one beer means a bottle of Jägermeister and twelve beers.


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[Assistant] We went to our buddy Sam Richardson's 40th birthday party and, uh, I had to leave.


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[Assistant] But I believe because I had like a baby breathing class. You did. Down in Orange County at 9am.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so I had like a Lamaze class basically. There we go. And by the way, it's like four hours long. It was the longest class. I'm like, yeah, we get it. Holy shit. Hee hoo hoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the like, hour and a half I was there, I took four shots of Jaeger and had three beers, so...


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[Assistant] Sorry, no, I left the birthday party, had to drive down to Orange County, and then did the class in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when I left you, Blake, you were keeping pace with me or maybe I was keeping pace with you. I don't know whose pace we were on.


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[Assistant] But you were on a good one. Was that, that didn't seem that damp to me. That seemed pretty wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a zodiac? Is that, is that the right term? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Dude, one, your horoscope is, what's your, uh, I would just say what's your sign, it's zodiac.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Zodiac. Dude, I'm learning something on this podcast. That's why this is an important podcast, because I never knew what the word Zodiac meant. I just thought it was like, cool, cool name of movies and stuff. The killer. Hold up. Zodiac killer.


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[Assistant] Hey, that sounds cool. Yeah, that'll, that'll look good in print.


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[Assistant] Anna just wrote, it's never been determined why the killer gave himself that name, but the press soon started calling him the Zodiac Killer. So some guy in some press room, in like the Cleveland, uh, you know.


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[Assistant] Like would you guys even be s- Killers need to get back to this.


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[Assistant] See yea, killers, I feel like we haven't had a good serial killer. Creative. Creative killer. By the way, I would get caught right away. A cryptogram? No.


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[Assistant] I think that's the actor, Adam Devine. Yeah, so you're going, you're going damp January. I, I kind of am too. I, I had said in December, like, you know what, I might do a, a dry January, but then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, in a matter of weeks, dude, it could really happen anytime. And they would just go, okay, now you have a baby. Uh, so I'm like, well, I'm not gonna be drinking...


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[Assistant] Well, there is a game. There's the Super Bowl. There's the Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] The Super Bowl is February 11th. I can truly have a Super Bowl and then we will have to name him Super Bowl. Divine. This is the way.


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[Assistant] That's right. And then he's like, he couldn't do the post game interview because he had to rush off.


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[Assistant] I remember the story, but I don't remember any detail. Classic Adam.


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[Assistant] That would be the eagles and not the rams. And also I don't remember.


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[Assistant] Jason Kelsey has a son or a daughter named Champion?


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[Assistant] Well he has a daughter, a son named, two sons, Elliot and Wyatt, and a daughter named Bennett.


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[Assistant] That doesn't, none of those names are champion, so it's not...


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[Assistant] Well, I think we were guessing. I think we were guessing. Yeaah, it looks like he does play for the Rams. Alright, sick.


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[Assistant] Good job, dude. Yeah, you did say a thing, a factual thing.


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[Assistant] Nickname, and he will, uh, imagine if he sucks. Yeah, that's gonna be a bummer.


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[Assistant] Like imagine if you grow up and you like lose a lot. And your name is Champ. That's, that's gonna come back to bite ya, I feel.


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[Assistant] Yeah, more like chump. I feel like if you, maybe he doesn't, maybe he's like one of those guys, like he's a huge football player. Imagine he's like married a woman who's four foot eleven. And they have the kid, and then this kid comes out, he has no muscles. He's just head gear. Like he's really having a tough time.


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[Assistant] That, uh, that does, that does suck for him.


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[Assistant] So I feel like maybe you're setting your kid up for a lifetime of failure, if you name him champ. Cause you don't know.


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[Assistant] What, what, where genetics are going to pull from?


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[Assistant] You gotta think of like who, how other kids can make fun of that name. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Have I done it with, uh, with our name? Beau? Uh, yeaah, we're thinking B-E-A-U. And who knows, maybe that'll change? When we meet him, we're like, this is not a Beau, this is a champ. Sorry.


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[Assistant] It is. But no, I have it. How would you guys roast that name? Bo? Bo?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Ders is, uh, Ders is dig. Well, Ders is good, cause these are...


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[Assistant] Well these are, these are, this is important because these are really good like third grade slams. Like where's arrow? And then, and then kids are like going like...


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[Assistant] Yeah. And you're like, where's Aero? And you're like, oh, that really hurt.


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[Assistant] They said, where's my arrow, you fucking asshole? They said, where's arrow? And you're like, yea, where is arrow? Arrow would be a tight friend for you to have. That'd be sick.


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[Assistant] I do, I, I mean, whoever starred in the television show Arrow.


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[Assistant] If his son isn't Bo, and then this is the long con he's playing on his son, for when someone finally says, where's Arrow? And you're like, he's my dad, he's my father. And you're like, ugh.


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[Assistant] The kid who punked him was like, I'm not punked now, I'm punked. Which sucks.


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[Assistant] Yeah, one, two, three. So, our sober friend Kyle, we gotta peel one off from him.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we gotta call him really drunk. He will love that. Just say we're doing this for him. He's just eating a salad at home.


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[Assistant] There's no way to tell. There's no way to tell. You gotta watch it. You gotta watch it.


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[Assistant] Kyle didn't, yeaah, did not shut up about it. Son of a bitch.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I'm going to Emmys. When they were nominated, remember we had to talk, we had to really care about the Emmys that year and really we talked about the Emmys like a lot for like a month afterwards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Did you guys, uh, watch the Emmys? I went to like an Emmys before party, which was very fun.


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[Assistant] No, you did. I talked with Isaac. He said that you got it. And he was like, he had it. I told him.


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[Assistant] Did we sent you an invite? God, this is our, this is our manager.


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[Assistant] I guess we're just old enough that I felt like, and all the comedy people show up to it because we don't get invited to anything, so this is the one party that you actually get invited to. Yea, they're like, welcome! It was cool, I felt like I knew like 70% of all the people there, it was really fun.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and the reason I was, uh, uh, invited is because of gemstones, I'm sure, so. Yes! Gems.


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[Assistant] It hasn't. It's so fucking stupid. No, dude, uhm, anything that I've ever been in. Yeah. What the fuck is going on? Uh, has not been nominated. As soon as I get near, uh, a project, the stank gets me.


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[Assistant] Are you kidding me? No more? This nachos dried up? They won like six years in a row and tied Frazier for like the most winningest program of all time. Whoa! Look at that. Wow. Look at that. He's wearing a Frazier t-shirt. And then the second I got there, it dried right up.


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[Assistant] But, uh, and also McBride was like, yeah, none of our shit ever gets nominated. Yeah, they don't.


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[Assistant] I know, well, I mean, The Bear won, and I really like that show. It's a great show. I really, really like it. It's a very good show. It's not, I mean, it's something else. We have to call comedy something else then, because that isn't a comedy. It's very not a comedy. There's funny moments, but it's not a comedy.


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[Assistant] There's funny people in it and there's very funny moments, but it's for the most part, like Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a comedy.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. That's what they're doing. The whole episode is to make you laugh.


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[Assistant] It's, it's way more dramatic. I'm like, it should be in the drama.


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[Assistant] Right, I mean. So they've been nominated for Creative Arts Emmys, which by the way, I do not know the difference.


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[Assistant] We were nominated for a stunt, which was tight.


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[Assistant] But, uh, what is the difference, Anders, what is the difference between the Emmys and the Creative Arts Emmys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't air that on the actual, I mean, so they do it at the Creative Arts Museum.


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[Assistant] Or on your phone. A lot of, a lot of words. All the words.


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[Assistant] Well that's cool, and that's what I like about this is important. It's just kind of a learning process. I learned that zodiac means...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did, we sent you an invite, an RSVP for you. And you're right. It was Apple plus reception.


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[Assistant] Uh, just cause it's more fun than his voice. Like his voice, you hear it now, and you're like, it's kinda bitchy. You know what I mean? Like a little bitchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't he say one about Anders? I'm looking for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's a professional. I mean, no, he's our manager and his, he.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Professionally uses Zoom all the time. The fact that it doesn't say his name and it says his wife's name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, I was not, I didn't really, it was a lot of standing around in nice suits and gowns and, uh, drinking. Uh, I, I kept it pretty damp though. I had five drinks over the course of four hours. So that was not a lot. That's not a lot.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're drinking, but you're not getting wet. That's what I was saying at Sam's party. I'm like, Blake, that was not damp. You got wet. Yeah, you got pretty wet. You were soaking, you were sopping wet, bud. Soaked. My man was soaked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to ring it. Oh sure, sure, sure. So you haven't, you haven't drank before or since this entire month?


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[Assistant] Wait, wait a second. You haven't drank. At all.


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[Assistant] Okay. I'm not, I'm not, it's not gonna be a regular bangerang. Yes. I am gonna, I am gonna pull the reins back some of the nights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But every once in a while, I might go out, have a couple, but try not to get blackout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are you doing in instead? Are you, cause usually when I go, you know when I'm not gonna drink for a little while, then I become a true stoner. Then I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, ooh, what them gummies do? And then I'm like, uh-oh, uh, how many joints is too many joints to smoke in one day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, start hitting the, start hitting the hard stuff. No. It's mine now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what, what is this, what is this random pill I found on a floor of a Walmart? Ooh. Ooh, a pill maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Uh, Blake doesn't, uh, eat a lot. So he usually fills that with beer. Usually he gets his calorie for one of his meals from... No you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is not true. On tour, you were like, Oh my God, we're eating again? It's like, yeah, breakfast, lunch, dinner, dude. It's really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, we eat three times a day. I am not eating like steak every meal, you know, but I remember, you know, but, and then you're, you're like, we're at Sonic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, you have your, your beers or your, or your meal for one of the meals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I do. And maybe that's why I'm morbidly obese now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't, I don't really do that now either, but that was a, just so we could hang, so we could hang out a little long.


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[Assistant] We were just getting tourgasm. I'm Gary Goldman. Who are you in tourgasm?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a HBO, um, special right now.


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[Assistant] I think he talks about, he's like really open, you know how like now you can't just be really funny?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to talk about like a thing that happened to you in your stand-up special. It can't just be funny. You have to be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also I'm battling with depression or whatever. And I think that's what he's, uh, I think.


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[Assistant] Dude, people, people were, after the last podcast, people were like, oh, I get it, Adam doesn't like Cat Williams, and I just want to let it be known. I think Cat Williams is hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why he thinks his career isn't where it is, is the wrong way to think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he did it to himself, even though he is super funny. I think if he would have showed up on time more often, he would have still been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in, uh, we would still be talking about them all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and we would, we would hear about all of those actors and all the comedians for like three or four years. And, and then by the fifth year, it's like some guy that you don't even know. You're like, yeah, homeless Tony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just some guy just like hammering a trash can and you're like,


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[Assistant] I don't know anything about it. I don't know anything about it.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry that happened to you dude, that sucks. That sucks. Are there any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to epic slam Kyle for not being here. I wish, uh, he could have made that work. But, uh, he's eating babies apparently. We don't know. We're not sure if he is or isn't. See ya!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally, any week now, like, uh, you know, we're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with work stuff, like people are like, hey, can you do this, uh, on the, on the week of the, the, of the 15th of when I'm having the baby, like that week. And I'm like, I don't think I should be anywhere doing anything. I think I need to be close. I do like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah. No, I, uh, so, so I'm, I'm obviously I'm gonna stick around. Yeah. Even though the Super Bowl. You were just joking. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could be at the Super Bowl, but yeaah, no, I'll just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, quit saying that. Quit saying that. The way you're saying it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could, I could see, I could see Blake having like a 60 year old kid. Just like an, a whoopsies. And you're like, oh well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You suck each other's pinkies in New York? You wanna flop your nuts right on someone's forehead? Remember when I wore that diaper for like six months as a joke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, rappers have become mimes. They want to make sure you understand. Cause they see the like, the sign interpreters on the side and they're like, we don't need her, like let's not pay her, I'll just do it all here. They save money, they're getting smarter about business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get it. You know what speakeasies are. So, there's a poll there. Your mom gets down. You're filming it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but really you are building a character. Do you think that there's something just a little embarrassing when you're very young to be like, I'm gonna go pretend to be someone else because I'm not enough as myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do kind of want to see Kai with cat eye though, like just a little subtle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you walked away, but you turned to see it was still happening and the guy was like yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's crazy? I was watching, uhm, it was like the complex, was it complex where they say like, uh, goat? It's like goat talk between two celebrities. And our favorite, our favorite person, Ice Spice, was on it. Yes, we love Ice Spice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you're kind of a nasty dude. Sure, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Forever dude. Right. At his funeral and shit, be like, he was a good guy, couldn't speak the fucking English language though. Yeaah. He was trying to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did see that after those people died they just renamed the drink Lemonades. You saw that right? No I didn't. That's what they did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When people started dying from Chipotle, like, how long did it take for you to go back? People were dying from Chipotle? Yea, maybe just E. coli, a bunch of people got sick all at once. I bet I never stopped going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. You're on your deathbed. Are you in a coma kind of thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, sorry, connection. And I'd come to your side and I'd say, Adam, I know this is something you wanted your entire life. I have Lorne Michaels on the phone. And then I would hold my phone up to your ear and it would be a recording of me saying, psych you bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is half Jack Russell Terrier, half French Bulldog. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to think I'm a boxer. Okay. Nope, but you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we all try? This is kind of fun. A bunch of white guys trying to pronounce some names. Uh, Spur-doodie Mustavak. It's kind of close. Nope. It's a hyphen situation. Spur-da.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, it's a name that exists, I'm not the only one. I met a- I actually, on Long Island, I met a fucking Anders, and he was like, you know, in high school, I was Ders and then your show came out, and I was like, how'd that go? And he was like, I hated it. It was, uh, I think he was cool about it, but I don't think it was a good thing. And I said, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's well documented. I guess I'm wondering like, eggs or food?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gargling horse cum, is that like something you do when you have laryngitis? Like what's the, what's the, what's the value add here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's over there. Uhm, I love when we go to shows and the upper decks aren't empty, so shoutout to you guys!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I have to tell you, have you tried ZOA Energy? ZOA Energy, it's a, it's a better for you energy. It's, uh, got great taste, it has electrolytes, BNC vitamins, and zero sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's made with caffeine from green tea, green coffee, and it provides a balanced energy with no


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Available on Amazon and at a store near you like 7-Eleven, Costco and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For some reason, when I'm hung over, I always feel the need to seed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lead singer definitely, I think passed away. I think the lead singer is, is, is dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there it is, there it is. Oh, I know who died. No, I know Linkin Park and also uhm, it was called like Drowning Pool, right? There was a band and that shit was pretty fired too. I gotta look that up. I'll play the first 15 seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Clippers are so good. I, you know, we don't really deep dive, uh, sports in also. This is two weeks out. So who knows? They might not be first place, but right now, right now, anybody who cares anything about basketball, this might be the Clippers year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because you, you are a, you are a cursed franchise. We do know that. We certainly are. But, this feels beyond the curse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which to people who don't watch sports, that's right before the finals. Which is where you win it all, so. Who'd they play? Phoenix?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love it. Well, good luck with that. Will you go to some playoff games if that happens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can't, he can't stop it. He's a, your boy is disturbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, that is wild, dude. You're gonna have a boy. Boys are way, way crazy. That's gonna be fun for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. What are you basing that on, Black? Yeah, what are you- you don't know. The fact that I have girls and they're very well behaved, but boys are PSYCHOS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm basing it on myself. I jerked off everywhere. It was amazing. That's not psycho, that's just passing the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got a stander. I could probably count, I, I, I probably could count on my, my hands. Wait, what is this saying? I could probably count the number of times on my hands how many times I've, I've jerked off like in sitting position.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta get that one on. It definitely disturbs me. That's gotta be ready, cause this-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess I was more thinking in my adult life, like I don't do it any longer in a seated position. Like if it's gonna happen. I can't remember the last time I J-O'd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, maybe one time I've done it on the drive from LA to the bay. I don't really get like, yeaah. Maybe Kyle was the guy that used to do it a lot. In my adult life, I don't think I ever find myself J-Oing in a seated position. It just doesn't, there's not really a lot of times when that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I am J-O-E, yes, but I won't go to completion, I promise.


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[Assistant] No, honestly, honestly, that moment has not come for me. Hey, yes points.


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[Assistant] You, you, yeah, you, you jerk off the most at the very beginning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, then it ramps back up towards the end for sure. Uh, cause you're just killing time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Adam, it's really weird you mentioned that. For some reason, when I'm hungover, I always feel the need to seed. Yeah, you gotta get the poison out. Yeah, what is that? What is that?


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[Assistant] Can I come in? No. Yes. Adam, I love that you're saying this.


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[Assistant] I, I think maybe what I have calculated in my mind is that like I feel, I feel so bad that I want to feel, I want to feel good. That's right. That's exactly what I feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also I'm hoping that somehow the hangover comes out through my penis and it's gone for the rest of the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, I go to Van Nuys and I go to the workaholics house. I go to Hamlin and I really, I really put in work. I don't know. I feel like if I'm ever doing it, it's either laying down or standing up, but never just seated in a, in a chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I feel like these are the times that I wish Kyle was here because he would say some shit where he actually does something way more fucked up and I could allow you guys to go bury him, but right now I feel like you guys are kinda piling on me. I'm not burying, I'm not piling.


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[Assistant] Yo, Wendy Williams is probably the best show of all time. She is an entertainer. She's the best.


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[Assistant] I find her very fascinating. She's so cool.


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[Assistant] That one's for me, and when I start my Patreon, it will be revealed. Okay. And I will, I will take...


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[Assistant] I am the three, if that's the three points dancer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, hopefully this is, uh, me two weeks into my celebration, but I am very excited to go.


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[Assistant] You lose! It's the first Super Bowl. This is what's crazy. It's in Las Vegas. Yeah, I know dude. That's a weird place to have a damn Super Bowl. It's gonna be- Why? Sounds fucking awesome. It does sound awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's just like s- it's almost too awesome. That's what I'm worried about. It's like what the frickin hell.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's the thing that I've noticed that's weirder in any other way is like I think the Super Bowl started on Monday for Las Vegas. Like there's been parties every day this week and it's only leading up to Sunday and then Sunday will


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you imagine if you fucking got the like $6,000 ticket and you're just arrested?


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[Assistant] I might do a sitting down. I might do a sitting down. I might do a- You know what?


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[Assistant] We can do it. Like, I don't know if girls stand up in- We know Blake, thank you. I don't know if girls stand up in J.O. I feel like it's an honor to be a male and stand up J.O.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well said. Yeah, couldn't have said it better myself. How often do you think females J-O standing up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, supposedly I'm in the box of maybe the Jacksonville Jaguar owner, like every owner gets a box and I think I'm, I think I'm linking up with the Jags, dude, which I dig because- Do you guys know I Jag standing up? Their uniforms are off the- I Jag standing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And their uniforms are pretty sick, so it's a Bay Area to Jacksonville connection in the box.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it looks like the girl who's the witch in on Nightmare Before Christmas, but honestly, it's not- That is not what I'm saying. I'm just saying it's- No, but it's not bad. It's not- not in a bad way. I love that character.


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[Assistant] This goes back to it being in, this goes back to being in Las Vegas. You go. It's Las Vegas. Everyone goes. Everyone goes.


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[Assistant] I believe. Vegas is, Vegas is really, uh, really starting to stake a claim. Reclaim. Mmm. Reclaim its identity.


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[Assistant] I'll be honest, I don't, I don't love Vegas, like I'm not a Vegas guy. I think it's healthy to not say like, give yourself over to Vegas, because if you do, it can be dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why's he got both his hands in his pocket? Can't. No lap. No lap to dance. Sorry, move on. No, he doesn't sit down.


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[Assistant] You can jump on his back, he'll piggyback ya. Move on, Serenity.


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[Assistant] What was I meant to say? You can get in the mix. You can get in the mix. No, I think there's a little something for everybody in Vegas, but I just, I just know that you can also get into a lot of weird shit in Vegas. What happens there stays there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get into weird shit, yeah, I guess you can. Yeah, I guess so. Fucking sure. And by weird I mean lose a lot of money. I'm just not like, I don't like to gamble. Is that what you meant by weird?


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[Assistant] What's so fun about going in like, yo, I'm about to lose all the fucking, all the money I just took out of this ATM.


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[Assistant] No, they're not free. They cost as much money as you just took out. They're actually more expensive than normal.


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[Assistant] You are the target audience for a casino because you're like, Oh, I'm getting free beers, but really you're dropping fucking five, six, $700 at a blackjack table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing Blackjack isn't that fun. I'd rather play fucking Mario Brothers. That's a little more stimulating than playing Blackjack. I'm sure they have that. I'm sure they have that. If they do, I would love to go to a casino where I can play Mario for a thousand bucks and I bet I would be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do I, where is it? Now he's listening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't, if it's like Modern Warfare, I don't know if I could hang, but if they have like Contra, I think I could, I think I could make some money. Like, sign me up. Or Bibble Bobble, or Balloon Fight, I'm really good at those games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the one, like, I feel like they, like, yeaah.