[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a social joke where we've been back and forth at some amount of time to the point where I, you know, probably


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a reaction I didn't expect, but even so it was under the knowledge that, you know, we are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got some new folks in the office as well, um, because there's some new folks coming in. And, and one of the most awkward things that happened was, this guy introduced, he was like, oh hi, he introduced himself to me. And he said his name and I was, I sort of half


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard half heard it and I wasn't sure what it was, so I was like, oh sorry, what's, what's, I missed your name. So he said it again and it was a really weird name. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I wasn't sure, again, I wasn't sure what he, if he, what it was. And so I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna say, how do you spell that? Or is that a weird name? Or like, what? Because it sounded like something


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me type it into chat and you can tell me whether it sounds, are you in general chat? I think this is, this is their name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overall I'm feeling very, very positive. Got my jab at the weekend, and yea, like, it's all, it's all coming up Lewis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can check out our Patreon if you want, um, and you don't have to, but the episodes go up there. And we're available, new episodes on Spotify, every Wednesday. There you go. Adios! Adios! See you next week! See you later, bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' awful. Uhm, and I was like, oh my god. So I went to bed really early and I just could not fucking sleep. Woke up at like midnight and then I woke up at like half one and then like three and then five and just lying there for like 45 minutes at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All sorts. It's really not stuff you want to put in your body. So when they say, if any, first of all, whenever anyone talks about harmful toxins, and how you're gonna shit it out your ass, and like, that's basically, the dirt's gonna give you diarrhoea, you're gonna shit everywhere, and they're gonna say, no, that's normal, that's all the toxins. I mean, it's normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's a guy here, Peter, talking about leeches. Because I was saying, aren't you meant to fucking burn them off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and he said no. Uh, if you burn in them, it's likely to make it vomit or expel whatever bacteria is inside it into your bloodstream, which can be dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? You'd fucking, that's what you'd be doing. You wouldn't have to continually be setting up more shitty companies selling mud or fucking crocodile teeth or whatever for, for help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just hate it. I'm a serial entrepreneur. I just can't help setting up businesses. But if any of them were any good, they'd take up more of your time, homie. Why are you spending so much time setting up new ones? It's cause you, they all suck. They all suck, is what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is important. When you guys get a drive through, do you eat it in the car park in your car?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. You go to the driven through, not the drive through, you are driven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a disgrace. There's a disgrace. They sent people over here to kill people in our country and then they were like, oh, we didn't do it. And they absolutely fucking did. They get away with it all the time. Bloody Russian government scum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, see here's the thing, the Novichok stuff was developed by the Russians, right, the Novichok group of nerve gas agents and whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well geez, you know, anyone can shoot anybody. But access to these nerve agents basically means you're almost guaranteed to be a government of some kind. So it's kinda stupid to do it unless you deliberately wanna send a message saying, hey, in your base killing your dudes, you know, it was definitely us. Cause you know, if it's a Russian nerve agent, oh I wonder if the Russians did this. Killed a Russian, there were Russians in the town, I wonder who it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are we going to do about it? Are we going to invade Russia? Because this is the whole thing with Ukraine. I was reading about this over the last few days. Obviously he's setting up to invade and we're saying please don't do that. And all sanctions. But we can't really put too many sanctions in because we need their gas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a pipeline that runs all the way from Russia, all the way through Germany, all the way to us. We need the gas! We need the Russian gas! Without it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the thing is, from their perspective, we have been adding new NATO members further and further east every few years, chucking people in. If Ukraine gets into NATO, that basically means that what the Russians see as their mortal enemy, NATO, is on their fucking doorstep. It's no different, really, from when the Russians put missiles


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's mad. It's mad. And if they did invade it, what would we do? If Ukraine was in NATO, we would have to fight. Because the whole ethos of NATO is an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. So if Germany got attacked, we would all be at war with whoever had attacked Germany.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gradually creeping up to their border, and then what? I mean, I don't think there's ever gonna be an attempt by the West to invade Russia, but why should they believe that? It also helps, I think if you're a politician like Putin, to present this strong siege mentality kind of, we will defeat the evil forces of NATO, look, they're creeping right up on us, we've gotta be strong, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It promotes a sort of strength, uhm, within the country to, to hold off the evil western invaders. Maybe that's a part of it too, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then this isn't- Supermarkets don't throw out bottles of fucking high-value perfume. Supermarkets throw out dangerous nerve agents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's fucking Dragon Knight, and it's like, you've got a bunch of born heroes, I think Drow is in it, I think Marauna is in it. Where's my- where's your Venos? Where's your Tinies? Where's your Pudges?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But here's the thing, is that they found out, they found out how to make decent superhero movies. The people involved, you know, they cracked it. How can we make a fun movie that still feels like a comic book movie, has superheroes and shit like that? They figured it out. People are gonna figure out how to make good video game movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it just chess? It has to be, what else could it be? Fucking like, uh, it comes with some pills that you take and then you have-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy called Wes Watson, he has a channel called Penitentiary Life, Wes Watson, and he is an ex-con, he did ten years in some very hard prisons


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is the largest man that I've ever seen. He is so huge. Like just beyond ripped. I mean he's clearly pumping himself full of something. He looks like the Incredible Hulk. Like he's that fucking big. His videos are a combination of him talking about his time in prison and encouraging people not to go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And saying how shitty it is, and all the terrible things that'll happen there, and I've got some tales about that, but with-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's obviously got this fitness guru, um, self-improvement spiritual thing going on because he is barely containing his rage at all times and he's trying to channel this into something positive. And I think he's barely keeping a lid on absolutely fucking losing it at any second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you watch his videos, they're all the same. He's always sitting side on to the camera, sort of turning his head towards it, and he'll do videos like uhm, he'll just say, PRISON GANGS! These are no joke. And when you're on the yard, YOU MIGHT GET BUSTED UP!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so let's say, here's one, here's one here, I looked up some inspirational quotes, he reads a lot of these, alright, that are obviously his version of inspirational quotes, so he'll say things like, but he'll randomly shout on certain words, and when he shouts,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But his whole point is that the prisons are run by these old lifers who have been in gangs forever. They are there in prison forever. Like they have literally got like 120 years sentences or whatever. They're never getting out. And when you come onto the yard, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he spent so much time sitting outside in the prison yard, working out, so he is huge, his skin is all burnt to fuck, he's covered in tattoos, and he's just legitimately terrifying. But the rules in these American prisons are, it's so divisive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The white guys over here, the Hispanic guys over there, the black guys over there, and everyone else is just kinda left to it. Like, you do not mix. If they're playing basketball in one yard, like the black people are playing in one yard, the white people do not- even if their ball goes over there, they wait. Until they bring it over to them. There's no trespassing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they just have to decide. Like, one side will say he's with us, and they're like, okay, he's yours, whatever. Like, he will have to make a decision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I'm in for ten, you're only in for two, so I'm gonna give you some jobs to do that'll probably add time to your sentence, but I don't give a fuck. Cause I'm here for ten, you're only here for two, so fuck you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you five, six years added to your sentence. Go and kill that guy. Or go beat that guy up. Or whatever. Cause they don't give a fuck. Like they never think, oh we gotta help this lad out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he says he knows lots of guys who've gone in there with just two years and they've ended up in there for 15, 20 years because of all the shit they've had to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to survive in prison. Cause if you don't, they'll fucking kill you. So you go in, like he said, you go in for some bar fight, you think, oh, it's only two years, this'll be alright. Before you know it, you're doing fifteen. Because you had to murk this lad, beat this other lad up, juggle a couple of juggings, and then throw you under the fucking bus. It's so, so horrible. If buses in prison. They do, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To say, these are my initials to remind you of my name, and then this is where I'm from. And they separate the gangs out based on North California or South California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's recently got out of prison. One of the things he talks about is that you don't give away anything about your mental state when you're in prison. Like you keep your face completely passive, you don't raise your voice, you don't say anything really, you just chill. Because if you make a big animated move, he said there are so many people in prison that are out of their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not gonna be like, guys, let's all just sell that and they're gonna have a fucking meeting about it. No. These rules have existed for a long time, and when you join, it's like a, it's like a, it's continually handing the set of rules down to the next generation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. No, I don't think it's just literally blind violence all the time. No. I think a lot of the time it's, these are the rules, and even if you didn't know them, you broke them, and so much of it is about, cause the thing is, I don't think any of them want to be in a prison, right? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the rules are very simply in place of dividing the races so that there's no chance of people having any kind of arguments and that you know where everybody stands. This is this area, that's that area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you think about it, if you have a large group of people who are bounded by one common factor, which is that they are all the same race, then at the very least there's gonna be some kind of cohesion there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it gives you the mentality of one group versus another. So creating that us versus them and then having a fine balance means that there might be less infighting in that group, although it's still gonna happen. But if you just had everybody mixed together and let it settle down in little smaller groups and all the rest of it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone who doesn't belong now, you know, they're a big problem. Some guy who's essentially not in any gang or group is gonna go nuts. He's got no one to calm him down. He's got no one to talk to. That's how you get violence. And also, the rules exist to stop huge fights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, they know where you are, cause you have a specific cell, they know which yard you're on, so, you're just basically biding your time. But he says things like, there's a sort of flow of traffic on the yard, you do not ever go against the flow of traffic, because the guys in the turrets with the guns...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some drunk guy is giving you a load of shit and you crack him one and he falls over and you're suddenly in prison. And he's in a state prison, right? Like, he's in there for, you get two years for whatever, I don't know what the equivalent would be, common assault or battery or whatever. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting, I was talking with some of my Discord lads last night, we were watching these vids and talking about the cycle that this must create. Because this guy's come out, and he's an example of a guy who is at least attempting to turn his life around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then his point is that when you're in there, you will be getting more time because to survive in these tougher prisons, you have to do this awful shit. So suddenly what was gonna be two years and maybe you get back on your feet turns into 10 or 15 and now you're fucked and you've lost everything on the outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prison being a horrendous place, like for serious criminals, is no deterrent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For regular people, they don't think that prison is a thing that's gonna happen to them. I really believe that, that they just think, oh, people won't understand, it's no big deal, but the law is not compassionate in that way. It's very specific, and you can be stuck with a huge sentence for what seems like a minor crime,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the, the, you know, you might have a terrible defender or the prosecutor might be shit hot. They might have decided to crack down or whatever you've been found guilty of this month. You might just genuinely be really unlucky. But most people that go in are not doing ten, fifteen year stretches. They're doing one, two, three years, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they get, they hand out sentences all the time, especially in America. There's loads of jail, fucking loads of people in America have been to jail. They've got the biggest population in the world of prisons, like 2 million people or something crazy like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But his stuff, there's always going to be a ready supply of customers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think it's just, it's just weed. Oh, there's the door, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all of a stone, oddly enough. It's based on a book, apparently, I mean, it's all of a stone, so an awful lot of it is just made up, uhm, and changed, and yeah, it's not, it's not true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, if you, if you treat it like just a fictional political thriller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] JFK is really good. If you treat it as anything remotely factual, it's absolutely bollocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because it is fascinating. And there are genuinely a lot of questions, but there's so much misinformation, there are a lot of very crazy people. I went to Dallas and the spot where JFK had been shot, and there were a lot of people selling their own books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit of analysis, but uhm, you know, you can go to the exact spot. Oddly enough, there is an X painted on the road where he was shot, but you can see where the old X was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, it's a, it's a, you know, it's weird. There's an X, like this is the spot, but there's another X, like three feet further down, that's kind of faded, so they obviously repainted the X, they just stuck it on the road somewhere, it's not like, precise, but anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but there's like, you can go to the grassy knoll and peep someone's written on the fence, better shot from here and stuff like that. Like it's all, it's all become a big meme, right? But there are, there are a lot of guys that look like, like if you imagine in your mind the archetypal conspiracy theorist, Vietnam vet era guy, he's still got like combat fatigue jacket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got some old busted up Levi's, really heavy shoes, weird beard, you know, he sort of comes up, he's got the inside scoop right here, and he's got like, there's the fucking door again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is what, what, what, I just wanna make one very quick point about conspiracy theories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that when people wonder why people do this stuff, that is their angle. And I don't want anyone to be confused. I doubt anyone that listens to this podcast is because they're all incredibly smart people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fact is, if you dig and dig and dig and find these conspiracy theory videos and read all these books and all that kind of stuff, they're not doing it out of the goodness of their fucking heart. They're doing it as a grift. This is their way to make money and there is the FUCKING DOOR AGAIN!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's just, so, you know, Mrs. F has had to go into the office a few times a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a couple of times a week, and it's always like on a Tuesday, which is a bad day because we have our food shop come on a Tuesday, and there's normally like some fucking stupid parcel the kids have ordered comes on a Tuesday, and then Thursday,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fucking Thursday sucks because the cleaner comes, so they're going to let her in, then the dog walker, then there'll be some more fucking stupid parcels. That's exactly what it is today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, here's a crazy detail, just very quickly, here's a crazy detail. Jim Garrison, who was the prosecutor, basically brought the criminal trial about JFK, and I think he charged


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like the hero of the Oliver Stone movie. If you read about Jim Garrison, he wasn't particularly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who hypnotises witnesses? Like that's insane. So it is bizarre. It is such a bizarre story. And the more you dig, the crazier it gets. One of the things was a guy had an umbrella.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it didn't come out, the Zapruder film didn't come out for years, like it was not released, it was kept as a secret because it was so horrific, and it was part of the evidence and everything, it didn't come out until the 70s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't. If it rings again, I'm legit ignoring it. Like, I'm... You do that. I'm with you. Well, actually, I probably won't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, first of all, it's two-parter. First of all, she's, she loves another podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't just talk about prison, we don't just talk about parenting, we talk about all kinds of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I was hoping it was gonna be like GeoGuessr, and someone that was playing GeoGuessr spotted him and called the police, but no, it was, they just figured it out. I mean that's one way to hunt down Sicilian themed restaurants. Speaking of which.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's a dual type fairy flying Pokemon introduced in generation 2. Uh, it evolves from Togepi when leveled up with high friendship and evolves into Togekiss when exposed to a shiny stone. It's a dainty bipedal Pokemon that is small in stature. It is white with a red and blue triangular ring pattern on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I think there are 100% people who are wanking about Pokemon. 100%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here, we're gonna buy all these shares using this loan shit, and we're gonna invest this from here, and we're gonna cross-pollinate this, that, and the other. It's all bullshit. So they own it, but there's no fucking way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To keep the heat out and then at night you open the windows and you let the warm air out and the cold air in. So I open, we've got like those Velox, you know, the dormer windows in the, uh, in the loft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they sort of, they tilt at like, you know, pretty mad degrees. So I open these windows at about 8.30


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crack on, Mrs. F knocks on the door at about 11.30 and says the bed is absolutely soaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but it was alright. I mean, it dried eventually, but it just, it took me a while to get off to sleep because it's hard to sleep when you're sleeping on a wet bed. Your brain is telling you this bed is wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Influencer thing. Where you then, you have the actual influencers who are just attractive people that go and take pictures in fancy locations of them doing cool things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, I want a job, I want to work for you. And, uh, you know, Paul Axe or Axe Paul, whatever the hell his name is, I have no idea. Uncertain name here, you know the guys, like the ultimate chud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's them. And he was like, bro, just, you know, why don't you get your friends and make some TikToks and get viral, get big. He's like, no, no, I quit my job. I was making six figures. I quit my job to come work for you. He's like, did you sneak back here? He's like, yes. He's like, well, no, I don't just give out jobs like that. And the guy then posts his reaction. He's like in tears. What have I done?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think that the Fire Festival is kind of like a group of people who think that this will make some great content and great pictures and I've gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it sounds hype, but everyone that goes seems like that guy. Like, it's not like you seem to have many just regular old folks. It was all like these influencer types who were constantly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insta-ing each other, you know, it's like real, it's like that vibe. Going to an island run by big picture idiots with no details and no, no, nothing. It was, it's unbelievable. It's the perfect storm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of just everything that's wrong with that culture, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's also kind of cathartic because I don't like these kind of people, you know what I mean? I think a lot of people dislike them, so watching them have a terrible holiday is kind of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have spoken before about jugging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, this is a new chapter in my, and I would suggest if I may, our interest in prison culture and prison life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this new chapter is, one word for you, pruno. Do you know what pruno is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they get like a base of something like orange juice concentrate or something of that nature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Wikipedia lists apples, oranges, fruit cocktail, fruit juices, hard candy, just sugar, and high fructose syrup, and they put bread in because the yeast in the bread helps the pruno to ferment. And they get it all in like a jug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And wine. I thought, I love this so much. I love the idea of these prisoners. They've been locked up. They're, you know, murder. They're in there for 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sucks. I can't get my hands on any wine. Don't worry. Don't worry. You're new here. There's a special recipe that I'm going to teach you called Pruno. Now, it may give you botulism, which is apparently, they've been doing quite a few botulism outbreaks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bum wine, which is also, sounds even worse than toilet wine. But of course what they mean is tramp wine. Like, it's not actually from your bum. And nor do you ferment it there, nor store it there. They mean, they mean bum as in homeless person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See now that sounds like a hell of a drink, right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do. So if you look at Russian life expectancy, this is the chart that I'm looking at now on Wikipedia. In 1994, the life expectancy of Russian men was 58. That is unbelievable. That is so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has improved now. In 2014, it was 65. So, uh, well done. You've added another seven years. Oh, that's actually good. That's actually good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is progress, it has been getting better, if you look at the charts now, it's up to 72, but China's overtaken them, and the US is ahead of them again, but Russian women, their life expectancy has been 10 years or more greater than their male counterparts, for pretty much the last


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 or 40 years, even if they also had a dip in 1994. What happened in 1994?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a big decline between 1986 and 1994 of Russian life expectancy plummeted. Was that post-Glasnost? All the shortages and everything's going tits up, I guess, and then it gradually got better from there. That's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always forget, so it was November 9th 1989, so it was almost 1990, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, give it a bloody good shake, and then you just, we actually store it in the sort of under stairs toilet area, cause it's like, out of the way cupboard. So I'm thinking it is almost like prison wine, cause we do keep it in the toilet. Uhm, and like Lewis said, I have no idea what's in this syrup, it could just be mushed up polo mints and god knows what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Mrs. F is a big fan. Like it was honestly, I know it's a dad thing to do, but she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I remember my friend of, from Triforce Tassim, uhm, we, we mentioned before, Ben Richardson, who, uh, of course is Anna Kendrick's, uh, boyfriend, or partner, uhm, he had a solo stream, and I would go around to Ben's house,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was very exciting to me that he had a SodaStream. This would have been in the 80s when they were like a big thing and we would make SodaStream and it was, it was thrilling and it was also incredibly tedious. Like it's definitely not as easy as just going and opening a thing of Coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't even think it's, it's not, it's not any better. It's like demonstrably worse than, than, than Coke. But I think it's like half the price because-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I only found out, I looked him up while we were talking about him and I discovered- Oh right, our old friend. And I was like holy shit, I've been trying to get in touch with him for years, he never responds to my messages, I don't blame him. Just tweet him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I guess if you think about it, kids have no agency at all. Like my kids have to ask, can my friends come over? They ask. And I think, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at least you're free to make your own decisions. And I think kids obviously have some innate desire, that human desire to be free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think about it, most of them have done like an advert. Most actors have done an advert or two in their early days. But to have, uh, to have been a stock photographer, well that dude is everywhere. Like he is everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I've got a question, cause I was watching, I was watching Sips play it for about ten minutes, um, and it looked like a lot of blasting rocks with a laser, picking up stuff, blasting rocks with a laser, picking stuff up. Is there, is there like, any peril? Like, do you need to build the fences, or is it just, you just build stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did, um, they did used to bring out patches on cover discs for magazines, uh, once, once the PC market was, uh, established, you could, there were patches, um, that would come out. I think people kind of forgot that. And there were also, whenever you'd buy, there were also a lot of utilities on the front of those, uh, on those discs, especially if you got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were other magazines, I think there was one that was just a PC magazine, it wasn't for gaming, it was for people that were like programmers and shit, and there were lots of utilities and free programs and trial versions of things. But they did use to release patches for PC games on cover discs. That was the only way to get them, most people don't have the fucking internet, so you had to get them from a magazine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It certainly wasn't the way it is now, where you get like, roadmaps that you can read and interactivity with the devs. I mean, U-Boat, which is a game that I play, uh, from time to time, I'll play it for like a week solidly. They're always patching that game. Like, here's a whole new patch! It's like, blam! And it's like a ridiculous amount of content. That never would have happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know that whenever I'm playing an early access game, or we're talking about an early access game, people in chat always complain, Fuckin' early access, wait, uuuh. I think, you know, you don't have to buy it. Like, wait. You don't, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Baldur's Gate 3 has come out, but it's early access Baldur's Gate 3, right? So I'm not playing it. I'm gonna wait. And there's another game, I think it's called Death Trash or something like that, which looks really good. And my friend played it and, uh, it was Munt who played it and he was like, it's great, but it's not finished yet. I was like, cool, then I'll wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel you, because the game comes out in October or whatever, and it's not until March or April when the third big patch comes along that it's actually any fucking good. I'm with you. I understand. It's frustrating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I also think that we want so much more in our games now compared to what we wanted 20, 30 years ago when we were playing PC games and Amiga games or whatever. It needs to be so much more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it's much harder to develop those big games without any money coming in for potentially several years at a time. That's how it feels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like people say, I love this development team. They listen to the player base and they make the changes and all the rest of it. So people love that experience. That the, if the community comes together and says, you guys should add this, this is really important. If you like, there's a groundswell of support saying, yes, that's right. You should add this feature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, okay, cool. And they add it. And I think people love that because they're helping to shape the game in a way that the players actually want it to be shaped. Because that can be a hard thing sometimes for a game developer to gauge, is, you know, they've got a vision of the game, but everybody plays it and they're all asking for some quality of life, you know, or whatever. And these changes happen, so people want that relationship with the developer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say this, I will say this, when it comes to early access, I, I, I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of understand why people have a problem with early access. What I have a problem with, I think a lot of people have a problem with, is when a game is released, they state that it's finished, but it's clearly not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't know. They think I actually hate vegans. I don't. So my dad makes this point. Why do they have to try to trick us? And I said, what do you mean? And he's angry that vegans pretend that it's a burger when it's actually a giant mushroom or whatever. They call it like vegan chicken and it's like, what is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vegetables are beautiful. What's wrong with just a bowl of vegetables? And I was like, think how boring that would get. And that's the way they treat vegans and vegetarians. Plant-based eaters, quite often, Lewis, like at your wedding. Oh, vegetarians, yeah, just a bowl with some fucking vegetables in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this scammer pretended to be Keanu Reeves, tricked women into thinking they were in a relationship with him. They sent a necklace and earrings to this aunt. This is the, the, the article I'm reading.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they also asked for 10 grand. This is from an actor whose supposed net worth is supposed to be $360 million. So he said, could you send me $10,000? And they sent the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's sad, but people do get scammed into relationships. It's horrible. But I could at least understand if she'd been scammed by, say, some younger guy and she was, you know, sort of wooed and swept off her feet and all that. But to actually believe you were dating Keanu Reeves online and he needed 10 grand and some bitcoin, come on. You know, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. If you're listening to this, it means we're probably on holiday this week, uh, and we're gonna go through the big mailbag of stuff you've sent. The big ol' mailbag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he said, Well, we're getting there early-ish for some shopping. Do you wanna go to Nando's at one? Right? Right. Hell yeah. So I said, Don't normally go to Nando's. But sure, I can meet you wherever. Okay? And, you know. That's impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knows, and so he said, yes, I know about that, but apparently they do have some vegan stuff on the menu, according to my wife. I just checked their menu, uh, we're going to do some shopping first, so we'll meet you there at one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just get some chips. Yeah, I'll be fine, I usually get chips. Well, you might be cooked in delicious chicken fat, you never know. Yes, yes, chicken fat chips. Look, I'm not that bad, I'm just, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's coming, he's coming to my town and he's like, we're going to Nando's and I was like, are you sure? And he's like, yes, we're going to, that's basically what happened there. He was like, I like Nando's, my wife likes Nando's, we're going to go to Nando's and fuck you. That's what happened in that fucking text.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what the difference between those is, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the kind of people who don't know what the difference is. Don't go, I guess. Yea, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a man, he's a, so Mark Landis is this famous American painter who basically is, is quite, um, I dunno, he's, he's, I think he's like a schizophrenic, but, but he's on medication and he's a bit, he's a bit of a weird guy, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the whole trip. Every piece he made up. Sorry. We went to this glass museum, we talked about it before. That was all he said. And so Mark Landis, he basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Copy. He was very good at copying pieces of art. A really, really good artist who would find a picture of a piece of art, do a copy of it, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As kind of a troll, but as also a kind of weird way to get his art into museums, right? So he never, it wasn't illegal to do this, you see, and a lot of museums didn't do their due diligence and didn't check it was real, and just stuck it up on the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, and added it to their collection. And this guy, sort of in the early 2000s, found out, because he'd been offered this piece of art by Landis, and uh, he'd googled it, or whatever, and he found that, you know, three other museums claimed to have it, you know. And so, he sort of slipped up really in that he,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He kinda got a bit hooked on it because everyone was so grateful to him. Right. They were sort of, they took him to a nice dinner. You know, they didn't give him any monetary rewards, but he sort of gained...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just gains charity and sort of friendship of these, these people that he's been giving these things to. And those are the things that count the most in this life. And he was like, he basically would stay at home watching crime channel and old movies, TVC or whatever the old movies channels on American Cable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very heroic thing to do, really. You know, fuck over all these, these, uh, bistro-ian


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Museum owners, you know, who think they're getting some, you know, piece of work by Degar for free or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did we, why did we start talking about Mark Landis again? Because he watches the same TV as your mum, I think. Oh, that was the link. I see him, I see your mum sat in her living room doing her puzzles in the same way as I see


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was sort of, wasn't really very good at looking after himself, but his mum looked after him pretty well, and when she died, he just sort of carried on in his mum's house with all the stuff in the same place, and sort of got on with it. I think he's still going now. He did, after sort of getting a bit famous with this movie and stuff, he started doing his own stuff, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people became wise to the game as well and the internet kind of put a stop to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that's why I think I got it in my head, you know, because, you know, kind of everything feels like a scam, like, you know, there's so many people out there chanting stuff, and what's the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's, I mean, even like, adverts are a scam, right? Like, they all just trick you into buying something you don't want, and they give you this false sense of like, that it's gonna make you happy, or, y'know, you'll be on a beach with a hot woman, y'know, if you fucking fly with Ryanair, or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good lad. I think it's difficult, isn't it, to know what to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not my vision. That wasn't my vision. My vision was almost like that. Yea, like a camaraderie of people who are, like, willing to, like, shh, like, what a kind of, you know, there's a lot of people who want to get in a fight, right? Like at a pub. We always, there's a couple of people I know who are friends of mine


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, I've been in a mosh pit, and I certainly have been in my fair share of mosh pits when I was a teenager, you know, my friends were into-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least the gigs that I went to, it wasn't like, um, as super- sure, no one got crushed or like knocked down that bad, but it was certainly, um, we weren't all best mates in there, they were strangers, you know. And I think that, in a sense, the Capital Riots, I felt like it was a little bit like that, it was a shared


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just talking because I watched this documentary. I think if that mosh guy watches the documentary, it's like five hours, three hours at the Capitol, whatever it's called that I watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a look, because like, it's weirdly familiar, just, I don't know why it reminded me of mosh pits, but it did. Uhm, and maybe you might see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're doing a hundred kilometer circuit around, basically, I'm looking at it on the map, it surrounds the whole city of Geneva. Yeah, it's huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty crazy. Science is, these experiments are really cool. There's this big dark matter experiment being built. I watched a Veritasium video the other day underneath Melbourne in Australia. It's in a gold mine like a mile underground and it has to be that deep because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Otherwise, muons, which are these high energy cosmic rays, because they're constantly bombarding us all the time, but if you're a mile underground, that's enough to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need to kind of know that. And so that's why they're building it in the- on the other side of the world. Uhm, in the other hemisphere. So if it has the opposite-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then they know it's something to do with the sun maybe. Then they know they're detecting something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think a lot of science is done, and it doesn't look like it's useful on the surface, right? Like, a lot of, even ever since like back in the day, you know, like uhm, I saw this video about Prince Rupert's drop, which is this uhm, these, when you basically get molten glass you drop it into water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The engineering designer of these things, uh, you know, I watched, uh, there's the Adam Ruins Everything guy did a thing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might want to. Why are we gonna do that? I don't think he was there. It was, there's all this good stuff, and it's, yea, but a lot of science, like, even back in the day, like this Prince Rupert's drop thing was this guy, um, Boyle, who obviously did a lot of important stuff. Boyle's Law!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isaac Newton's time, yeaah. And I'm sure a lot of these developments were crucially important to developing all of the technology things that we can take for granted today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But certainly at the time, I think him fucking around with a few springs and doing them underwater or whatever, or pendulums, didn't feel like it was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool science, yeah. Yeah, cool breakthroughs that will change, you know, how we operate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess this is why I was dreading these emails, because I do see reddit posts and comments on the podcasts and they're like, Lewis is a fucking clueless fool, he won't take a position, he always either argues with sips


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't come up, get off your fuckin' high horse. Leave Lewis alone! No, I'm willing to take your, uh, no, you've opened it up, PFLAX. I wanna take their, take their criticism. Well, here you go. Hello, period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, I watch a lot of pointless, right? If people said, name a famous artist on pointless, and then the little doodly doodly doodly doodly doodly dong, it would go to like 90%. Yeah, I agree. Like, if you said, that would be not a pointless answer. Everyone knows Van Gogh. It's so easy to say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a loofah code or something. Something to do with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found it. I found the loofah code. What is a loofah code? I think you use like a little loofah, a little rose-looking sponge thing that you wash with a bath, and you have a colour of loofah based on your preference. So like, white is novices and beginners, purple is voyeurs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pink is soft swap. People like to do it with others in the room. Actually, that feels like everything. Uh, blue is full swap. Um, yellow is mid swap. I don't know what that means. What are the differences on these swaps? I need more information!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they could do with knocking down a bit, you know? Yeah. They're too smart, is what I'm saying. Agreed. Knock a few brain cells out of your head by falling off your skateboard. Yeah, you'll be happier. That's all I'm saying. Hey, that just reminded me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There always is, but it seems to be, it's starting to get a bit weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, his name's Butt-Head. I don't think it's really for kids though. It never really was. No, it's not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's gonna be so weird, cause the show was weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was weird. I mean, then again, it lasted a long time. They did a season in 2011, actually, it turns out. Oh, did they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was like a rebooted season. And this is a Bob's Burgers movie as well, which is, which I keep being advertised to me constantly. So it's not a scam. But, I like Bob's Burgers. I don't know, there's like, I think there's just better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That does conjure it up straight into your mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what happens over time though, like, these people forget and they get things wrong and they just, everything gets slightly corrupted and changed and less funny or weird as a result, and people don't care when they're old too, they just fucking say whatever they want, you know, it's happening more and more with us. Indeed. Yeah, we just, we just don't care. Fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, thank goodness. Don't mention it. Jesus. Alright, well, uh, we'll see you next week everyone. We'll be back then with more of these podcasts. Thanks for joining us. Peace! Bye! Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it was like some kind of, it's called like a weather pit, or something like that. Someone out there will know. And it's basically, you've got a weather, and then another bad weather, and they get together and you get a pit of bad weather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, with Dustin Hoffman. Anyway, so back to Storm Names. It's Eunice, not Eustace. Apologies. And from the looks of it, the names go male, female, male, female, male, female. So the next one will be Franklin, then Gladys, Herman, Imani, Jack, Kim, Logan. Apologies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then this storm, I don't know how to pronounce this, it's M-E with a little inflection over it, A-B-H, so that looks like an Irish name. It's probably not pronounced Meeb, it's probably Maeve or something like that, so apologies to anyone if I mispronounced that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or Wolverine. He's called Logan. Yea, true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it, by the way, if we have, so we don't have, uh, Q, U, X, Y, or Z, the storms never start with those letters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, P is in there, you can have a Hurricane Pac-Man. And this way, if they name it Brian in America, when it gets over here, and we're on our B, we'll call it Brenda or whatever we're on. So it maintains the B, so we know it's Storm B of the season, Storm C, Storm D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate that, thank you, but they are a massive fucking pain in the arse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I hate it. They fog up, they get wet, they get smudged, you have to constantly be aware of things banging into them, you've gotta keep getting new ones, if you- you worry about your glasses. If you're gonna win holiday, I take like two spare pairs with me. Because if I'm driving, and one of my- I lost a pair, I got a brand new pair of glasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just, you know, it's like, you just feel like everything, you're constantly adjusting them, you're constantly cleaning them. It's a massive pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was horrible. We were in our house and there was a guy on the other side of the road cycling and just, we were all leaning out the window because we were drunk and just having a laugh. We were like the second story and there was this guy going past and we all sang bicycle, bicycle at him for no reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we went to, uh, when we went to Ibiza a few years ago for summer holiday, uhm, we went down to the, there's a big sort of key area there, and it's just teeming with yachts. Right. Yes. I've definitely spoken about this before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were just like dozens of these huge fucking yachts. There was one that was like a four story building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No no, there was like, it was like young people, like you know, kids going out to the clubs and stuff like that. And then there were other families like us, just regular folk, who were clearly not gonna go clubbing, but were just going because-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my point. It's just cause you don't like it. You can't, you can't write it off as what's the point. Like that's it. Like I don't like Celine Dion, but I'm sure for some people it's a fantastic evening. It doesn't, and I'm not saying you can't criticise Adele, but do we even question why on earth people would want to go and see a performer that they love?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, I got some news. Uh, we got a cat at the weekend. A new addition to the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] replacing her, and of course we wanted the dog to get settled in and everything like that, so now we're gonna get, uh, we've got the cat, um, and we got her at the weekend, she is, she is lovely, little ginger, half Persian ginger, uh, thing, she's very sweet, she's called Bonnie, and the kids love her, they absolutely love her. However,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Introducing it to the dog has been tricky. Right. And I've decided, I've done a lot of reading and listening to things and chatted to the vet and I chatted to a dog walker and a couple of other people about how to do it. Because obviously if she was a grown cat,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She would have had experience with dogs before. But this kitten's gone from the house where she was, uh, born and lived the first few couple of months was all cats. Like there were real cat people. Then she suddenly has a dog. So I thought, how am I gonna do this? I have to do it very slowly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the dog can look through and the cat can see the dog, that's their first interaction. Gave it 24 hours before I did anything else. And then I kept the dog on her lead and held her outside the cat's room and opened the door and they sort of looked at each other. And then I let the dog off the lead and kept her with me, kept giving her treats and she was very calm and very chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could. That would be hype. Uhm, just let them out. But it's interesting to see them...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] R-react to each other, like you're really seeing them try to figure this out. And the dog is, she's been really good, like she lies down and tries to look as sad and helpless as possible to show the cat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, I'm not a threat, you know what I mean? And the cat keeps hissing and then she'll come over and give her a sniff and then back up and it's like this really interesting dynamic between the two of them and I'm just kinda letting it play out with a supervised way. If anyone out there knows of a much better way, let me know. But I thought that very delicately was the way to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a fun little science experiment to see them try to get along. And what I've been doing is petting one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then going over and petting the other so they can see that I'm sort of involved with both of them. And when I'm petting the cat, the dog's watching me like, I see, you know, and kind of looking horrified. And then when I'm petting the dog, the cat is like, why are you petting that? And she, but she's also watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so, you know, I'm watching them both sort of thing, although cats don't really, they don't respect you the way dogs do. I mean, you know, they just don't, they just sort of, you know, they're a bit less.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, that's not safe! What if they're trying to get through to him saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll have to refer to Cessna, maximum altitude. Yes, please do, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a boring flight pattern, just going around and around while two people are boning in the back of your plane. Fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god yeah, but I'm just saying, I don't know if they've had sex, because they've got cameras all over that fucking thing and I'm sure they're on all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in a World Cup penalty shooter, you're on the pitch. You're on the pitch. It's the decisive penalty. It has to happen. They're not gonna cancel the game. This has to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he do- he do- he just do that thing he always does. Watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in 2020 he did Ascension. He performed the David Blaine Ascension stunt which involved him floating while holding onto a cluster of 52 helium filled balloons using a harness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're just talking about the Mile High Club. This is one way he did it. Ascension. Mile High Club is what he did. He got up there, jerked one off, and then plummeted to earth. Triumphant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the mile hand club. The mile hand club. They said that when he, um, when he did the levitating trick


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if they're at the right angle, it looks like your foot. It's a nice little trick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, with like some, some actors providing the, the left and right sort of scenery of him like five foot off the fucking ground, which is just him with a wire. Like that, that was one of the weirder tricks. The one that, my favourite is the one where he slaps, uhm, some glass and the playing card is on the other side of it. But what's clearly happened is the people in the restaurant have quickly stuck that card


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all kinds of really, like the one with the fly where he brings it back to life. If you put a fly in the fridge, it goes into a little coma, the heat of your hand will warm it back up. I've seen all these tricks debunked behind the magic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you see the moment they make a switch of some kind, knowing when it's coming and seeing it, it's like watching people top deal, uhm, you know, or second deal from a deck of cards. When they're holding a deck of cards, you're looking at it, it looks like they're dealing the top card, but they're dealing the second card. When you know what they're doing and you're watching it, it's even more impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a, a, a big stage for like big artists. Like it is now, now it's like, wow, they're doing the shoot ball. Like that's like, you know, you, you pick a really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are the other ways that you could announce that you're done in such a kind of, like, serious way? I guess you could, like, take a shit on the stage? Like, I mean, there's, like, this weird shit you could do that, like, ruins it. There is. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is exactly like one of those sci-fi shows where someone lives in this beautiful house, and then like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They realise that it's all like, in their head, they're just living in like a concrete basement, yeah. It's like, it's just like, shit. It's all like, or it's all been artificially like, projected around, or onto their retina or whatever, so they see this weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is machine learning. So by the way, uhm, I know you're a big fan of Stanley Parable Sips. They've been following it a bit over the last couple of years, and they're doing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe, right, which is basically the Stanley Parable 2, it's kind of got, basically, but the thing is it's not really 2, it's in the same...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, it's got more script than the entire first game, and the whole point of the Stanley Paraboy is to kinda surprise you and be a bit weird and throw you off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they've been making these, um, like little articles, like talking and joking and writing about it, and they're so funny, but they've done this little one about using machine learning. Cause it's all the rage, everyone's... seeing Stanley Parable is quite...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got its finger on the pulse of what is circle jerky, right? In a sense. So like, this idea of machine learning and algorithmic automation and stuff is like, everyone's taking advantage of it and like, oh, I use machine learning to do an ice cream really badly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just really, it's the whole thing. So yeah, they've done a few, like, little, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little scripts that they've re-written. Do you wanna read any? Love to!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, I'll post the end discourse. You gotta do it in the narrator's voice, though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well you can do- you can- well, who can do it the best? Right, here's- You, probably-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I think it's a joke though. I think that's, that's written by the guy, the Davey Reed and who, who wrote this, he's writing the Stanley Parable. I, do you know what I mean? I think he, I get the impression this is like a kind of, um, slightly satirical look at it. So yeah, he's written this article, you can find it if you look for the Stanley Parable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so interesting, really, it's like, it starts off as quite a simple, like, kind of almost like a metaphor of, oh, why don't you just divide your work-life balance, you know, everyone should have, you know, make sure you turn off when you go home, kind of thing. But then it kind of very quickly becomes like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happens when you... It's almost like some sort of animosity, like you might start hating your other self. Which is kind of another metaphor, for those of you out there who struggle to just love yourself. If you can. I love myself as often as I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Um, but, but yeah, a really, really interesting show with like a lot of, lot of big questions too. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love these, like, moral and ethical questions, you know, about like, I feel like there's this thing around, um, dead, dead people, where you can't speak ill of the dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But some of them were cunts, y'know, and also like, some of them I didn't like anyway at the time. There is this idea though that they can't fight back, right, the devs, they can't defend themselves, and so in a sense,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Historians and kings and, or people rewriting history to suit them, you know, depicting the last king as bad or immoral or whatever in order to suit their own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People like Mao and some of these people who were not, I'm sure, perfect people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there was obviously Olympic and then Britannic. Britannic sank in World War II when it got hit by a naval mine, didn't it? And then Olympic carried on for a long, long time, I think, all the way up until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's quite a sort of interesting story, because they were obviously, most ships aren't made in a vacuum, they're made as, you know, in multiples, you know, as a class. And so, yeah, it did have other ships that were going before it, and after it. I think Titanic was just SLIGHTLY larger. Do you want to hear a little bit about the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was, um, but she was obviously, like, uh, look the same, was the same, had almost the same layout, I think, although I think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Titanic had a few different things. I think Titanic had, like, they'd remodelled some stairways inside, and they'd put that grand stairwell in that you see in the movie. That was quite an iconic bit that was added.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a lavish grand staircase, um, with three lifts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A Georgian-style smoking room, a veranda cafe with palm trees, a swimming pool, Turkish baths, gymnasium, and several different places for meals and entertainment. That was pretty interesting. Luxury was really the focus of these ships as well, it was like the concord of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if that happened back in the day, y'know, did these mega-rich men, y'know, these oil barons and the Rothschilds and these sort of people, did they have their own private, like, ships that they, with private pilots, and they drove them across, sail them across for them? I dunno, like, maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a little bit more scared of the dangers of flying though. It was certainly not until, you know, this time period is when that started happening, wasn't it? When, you know, there was people flying around, campaigning for president, remember there was that guy who was quite famously


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I can't remember his name. Really interesting story though. Oh, good. I'll remember it later. What happened to him? He died in a plane crash. No, I just don't think he ju- I don't think he won. He just didn't win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find the previously on serves as a good opportunity to quickly turn the light off or on or draw the curtains or, you know, do all the stuff. Cause you've set the thing going and then you realise that you've like, oh shit, I've got, I've got to get a drink or I've got to get this thing. And so the previously on, all the title sequence serves as this kind of buffer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's moments like that though, the thing is, I haven't watched all of Severity, I only watched the first episode, and there's a bit, the thing is, this is my detective brain, I don't know whether this is relevant, the thing is, it could completely be relevant, but there's a bit where, like, someone just casually mentions that, you know, one of the characters has an allergy to a certain thing, and I'm like, that'll come back. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's Chekhov's gun, right? Why even bother putting a gun on stage if you're not gonna shoot it, you know? And if it's not that, it's a red herring, but it does help to just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enhance the mood of, or the feel of something with small details, you know, it's, that's the way to get authenticity is to have little details that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is such channel surfing crap. So there's this thing, right, called myretrotv.com, right, which I can link to you now. Basically it's like this website where you can


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just type in, like, any year, so like 77, like, you can go to like 77, and it'll bring up like a TV and it'll just play, uhm, TV shows and music and movies and shit that came out in that year. Commercials, yeah. And like, shopping channels and all this crap. And you could just channel hop your way through


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That era. And it's so fucking weird. I was playing with it yesterday and it's just like, you can just, you know, enjoy this bygone era of crap. And even like, 20 years ago, even like the 2000s TV, it's fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you don't wanna be the fucking guy in the red suit with the fucking bow tie and the fucking top hat. No, not the bow tie. Not the bow tie. Not the top hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, if you're the only beacon of colour, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not gonna attract other people who are colourful. The problem is gonna be, you'll have to look at everyone else, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's quite funny because you'd think the red hen would be something like a warning for children. You know, warning! This red hen is one that shares with other communists!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want to do that. You know, they're lazy and they'll take your eggs, the stupid red hen and all the other reds, try to come into our country and take it for themselves, like they deserve it. Their father had owned that country for hundreds of years, and we weren't going to take it away and give it to someone who just, you know, didn't inherit it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think there's a very thin line between indoctrination and education, right? Like, you know, you've gotta teach your kids about, you know, in many ways you could say they're Elmer the Elephant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. And it's all in their subconsciously. Sure, they don't understand the heavy-handed metaphor that, you know, it is to represent, you know, people who are, you know, have a different skin colour and aren't being, you know, treated properly today, but I think that it does, yeah, it all stacks up, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And even from a very simple way, like, you know, they're different to me, that's okay. You know, it's not, they're different to me, we should expel them from the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was teaching, you know, people, or kids, uhm, lines from the bible, and I didn't know the... I think I'd be constantly confronted by messages that are wrong, or out of date, or just, just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is that these cultural things, these stories, these books that your parents read, they give them to their kids, they give them to their grandkids, they still teach them, and these messages still


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could see that, you know, the diversity is still problematic in society because you ask, I remember this from a while ago, but you ask sort of little kids, you know, which of the dolls is the good doll and which of the dolls is the bad doll? And they'll point to the black doll as being the bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we still perceive that there's something, you know, something naughty or bad about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About, you know, there's still this, this cultural insensitivity that's built in, and scared, and people are scared of people who are different, right? Because, you know, the minority, minority people are always gonna be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be great. Let's write that down. So what do you think makes a good children's book? I feel like any messages that go in there, I feel like should be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta be careful. Yeah, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well there you go, that's some top advice from dads there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like when they were building the town, they built that in the very early stages of the town when they didn't have much money. As the town has now grown, they haven't bothered upgrading the bridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I feel like there was some craftsmanship that went into making it try to look nice. Now we're just happy with a fucking slab of metal that looks wanky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just put it in place down, but it just adds to the layers of, of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no attempt at, there's no little decorations around the windows, there's nothing about the brickwork that's interesting, it's just a fucking box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These houses that we're living in now were built for railway workers and they knocked them up because they needed some cheap housing while they built the railway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I have no way to pick her up. It occurred to me, you know, all it would take is someone to just nod off for one second at the wheel and the car's coming off the motorway at 50 miles an hour and plowing into anybody walking along this section of, of Jill Carriageway, which is, which is horrible. But also she was doing prank calls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Frank, she was, she was, when she was her mate, they used what they refer to as an old, tiny phone. In other words, a landline. They called it an old, tiny phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The landline number saved. They know all their mobile numbers and it'll pop up. It's so and so, you know. So they were calling on the landline, presumably to conceal their identity. But like I said, they called everyone they knew, and they announced who they were at the start of the prank call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, but I think nowadays, I mean, if you walk down a high street now, have a look around how many places there are offering acupuncture and, uh, and all that kind of bullshit Chinese medicine crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they're fucking everywhere. There's like four around this area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are lots of YouTube videos where people prank spam callers. Uhm, so like, they've got a target in mind now. There's videos where guys will take down these scam call centers and stuff like that, which are really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking about a very specific kind of person. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you want to live that way, you're more than likely quite a conservative person. You want everything to basically be the way it was when you were younger, you don't like change, you resent young people and think they're no good and they're ruining things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a lot of these people, they're wealthy and they just want to be left alone. Right. They want to shut themselves off from the world and pretend like everything is smashing and go and live in a resort with other old bastards like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would hate to be in a, in a home like that. Like I think she, she always says, oh I hate me with a bunch of bloody old people like me. And I'm thinking, like I'm not, I know I'm not old, old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna go windsurfing, that's cool, but don't make out like you're doing it with other people. I'm sure if you go to the pub afterwards, that's when you have a laugh. But you know what? You could cut the windsurfing bit out and just go to the pub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If this is what they want, if this is the way people want to live, and they are willing to pay to do it and they go to live in that place, fair enough. Some people just like a really quiet, boring life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to be fair, dude, you literally live in a garage and play games, and you're always telling us how you do basically nothing. Yeah, I know. So, in a way, if you are old...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That will be the way that people, I mean I can't imagine ever not being online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, in the future I'll still be playing games and I'll still be online and chatting with people and all the rest of it. But I could also do that from my house, but if, if, you know, you get older, you can't have stairs anymore because it's too hard to get up and down them, you go live in some fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, she, she's obviously, if you look at her when she was in American Pie, you know, she was, she was fucking hot as anything. She was great actually in, oh girl, what was that show called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not very good this year, this week, no offence lads, it's just these are boring emails. I'm not offended. No, I'm saying to the people I'm about to read their emails out. I don't know, I feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I just very quickly say, if you have an interesting email to send, people have been asking where to send them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's too late. I've already been signed up to all the fucking things you could imagine and somebody out there subscribed me to Rooster Teeth and they have been paying that subscription.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, I mean there's very few things that I would go through to retrieve a phone and I would say dipping into a fucking public septic pit of shit is on the list of things I would not do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a previous episode, when the Thames occasionally has a very low title, uh, ebb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you just see pocket watches and eyeglasses and sunglasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's from people that have been on a boat and have dropped something overboard. So someone goes to look at the water and their glasses slip off their face, gone. So if you go, uhm, this happened, this was in Richmond, oh good, four or five years ago now, we were there and the tide was like so low that there was no water. You could walk from one side of the river to the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all gold, just gold doubloons and things. Uhm, but yeaah, so it's a lot of, a lot of stuff, but there was like, wow, look, there's just glasses and watches and cameras and all these kind of things, like a selfie stick, you know, things like this that people just dropped in the fucking river. Uhm, it's quite funny. A golden YouTube play button.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was watching a video of this guy who does, I don't know what he, he had a term for it, it's like mud dipping or something like that. And he went out and he found all kinds of stuff, uh, on the Thames, but in town, like he was, he was in the city, he was quite near the, uh, tower bridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna spoil the end of the Avengers Endgame here. When he winds back, uh, the time so he can retrieve the stone from, um, uh, Vision's head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Red Sonja or whatever her name is destroys it, the red, red witch. He winds back time and everything goes back in that little bubble where he's controlling it. You could do that with the time stone. That's what Thanos should have been doing. Finding out, I'm here to find out how one shoe ended up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what it would do? It would completely set Antiques Roadshow on its


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was working on that for such a long time. Like, cause when, when, uh, uh, Papers, Please came out, uhm, I, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the game, where some big thing is revealed, all the little touches, I think he's brilliant. I think he's absolutely brilliant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, whenever I wonder why aren't there more of those games, I think it's because coming up with a really interesting story like that is so fucking hard that most games companies just can't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also recommend trolley problem. If you haven't played trolley problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really, really good. I streamed that last week and it was really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of people who are just a bit lonely sometimes, they just want to chat and they want to have a conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's very interesting being part of this community and group of people and all the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got pep in his step. He's all, he's all loose and fin-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine you wearing a sleeveless turtleneck to one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and my D&D group decided to take our campaign on the road. We went to Corfu to finish up the campaign that we were working on. Is it like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did it have all your favorites in there? Did you go, did you do like that Peter K bit where it's like you're on vacation and you just seek out things from home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's a decent chuckle to have when you're, when you're on vacation, right? You want things to be lighthearted, you know? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reapply a couple of times, yeaah, you can't just do it once. That's a common mistake people make. One coding is not enough. Like every couple of, every sort of like five hours or something, you need to reapply.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like kids, kids when they think they know everything, you're like, yeah, just you wait, buckaroo. You don't even know how to put sun cream on one day, you're gonna be fucked so hard and you're just gonna turn around and be like, why didn't I just listen to my parents? They were trying to tell me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not, uh, we're not there with the currency yet, but our, the currency we use is, uh, my, my kids both really like, um, like screen time, right? Like my son wants to play games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My daughter wants to watch like, uh, like these like, uh, Disney cartoon things on YouTube and stuff. Of course. And so we, we limit it quite a bit because we don't want them just like plugged in all the time sort of thing. So when there's a sniff of a chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get on these things, that's when we get them to do all the chores.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, oh, can I, can I play my game for a bit? Like, yeah, you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when it, when it's something they want to do and it's on their time, holy crap, they, they motor. So that's when, that's when we just stack everything up. It's like, okay, yeah, go clean the lounge. And then, and then as they're like nearing the end thinking, oh shit, I'm almost done this task. I can get onto my game or whatever. It's like, all right, go clean your room now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much uhm, what are we talking about? Like, what's the weekly allowance?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, here's an interesting, uh, stat or something for you. When the baby, when the baby was born,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which I'd like to say was, uh, almost exactly a year ago. She's gonna be, she's gonna be one in two weeks. Can you believe it? No way! I know, it's fucking crazy, eh? So uhm, when she was born, we were, we didn't make the same mistake we made, like, certainly for the first one. We barely bought anything for the baby because we, we, we're, we're, you know, seasoned veterans now. We don't,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't waste any money on a bunch of shit that we weren't gonna use or whatever because we knew exactly what we needed and stuff so we stocked up a little bit on stuff we knew we needed like, you know, nappies and wipes and all, like all that kind of, all like the immediate stuff, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had like a, like an off-brand box of nappy bags, scented nappy bags, which you need for babies, right? Because those, those diapers can really stink. So they're just like these little flimsy plastic bags that come on a roll. And then when you changed your baby's diaper or whatever, in case you've never


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So normally you get these things in like, uh, you know, if you get like Morrisons or like co-op or well, you know, whatever big, big like, uh, supermarket brands, you got like 50 in, in a pack, right? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this, so this was just like an off-brand thing and it had 300 bags in a pack for 2 pounds. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, holy shit, what a deal. I'm gonna get four of these. Like, we're never gonna run out of these. Oh my god. Right? So I was like, 1200 nappy bags. Like, we're gonna, we're never gonna get through this. And, uh, yesterday we finished the fourth box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. So, two weeks off a year, twelve hundred plus because there has been like some, we haven't just used those because there have been times where like some other nappy bags have like entered the fray or whatever. That's a lot of shitty diapers for one year. Holy crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not surprised that they gotta live with, uh, that they're gonna be living with us well into their 30s or 40s, because I don't know if you've had a look at the price of property recently, it's insane. I don't know how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotten to this point, I don't know how it can carry on, it's insane. Like, uh, over here, a one-bedroom apartment, it's like 400 square feet, 350,000 pounds. Oh, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's the best time to rent now, because I don't feel like rental prices have gone up in line with the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the prices go up so much, it's fucking insane man, like I don't know. I mean it's good if you bought over here I suppose, but like if you're just trying to buy, impossible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if you can turn around and flip a place for like a huge profit, like after a couple years, why not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, don't get me wrong, it's exciting when you first move into a house, but holy shit, it's a lot of work. Especially when you have kids, it's even more work, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know like, uh, you know like in those James Bond movies, the old James Bond movies, or any James Bond movie, he always goes to like places like Greece or whatever, he's always in these kind of like exotic locations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, he's always got his tuxedo on at night, he's outside talking to like, you know, some villain or some shit or whatever. Where's all the fucking bugs? Like, you never see him swatting his face like getting the bugs out or whatever, right? He's always just like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kinds of savings are we talking here on an aubergine? Cause I think my biggest outgoing on a monthly basis is definitely the issue I have around aubergines. I can't stop eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey listen, uhm, on the, on the topic of movies, uh, I would like your opinions on the movies that I've watched recently. I did not watch a movie for, it had to have been about two years. And then, uh, in the past, probably four days, I've watched like six movies. Okay. I don't know why, what prompted me to. What happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've just watched a bunch. I don't know if you've seen some of these, but if you have, see them. Okay, uh, hit me, hit me, hit me, let's go. The first one I watched was Hustle, starring Adam Sandler on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He then convinces to go back to America to try to make it in the NBA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty good. It was a nice movie. I enjoyed it. Which, uh, which led me on to watching Uncut Gems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know why, I think I just thought he was pretty good in hustle. Fine, I'll give uncut gems a try. I liked it. And then, following the sports theme, I then watched Moneyball with Brad Pitt and Chris Pratt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was really good, yeaah, I was surprised, cause I didn't really know anything about it, I didn't know if it was gonna be any good or not. Just gave it a try, and uh, really enjoyed it. Thought it was super interesting, thought it was great, yeaah, it was really good. Uh, I also watched 8 Mile with Eminem, never seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, he's been in all sorts of stuff, but he was the, the guy who used to whip himself in Boardwalk Empire. You know, like uhm, he was like the, the Christian guy. I don't know if he was like an investigator or something, but he was, he played the mum's boyfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who was also his uhm, M&M's school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find like Eminem just looks like a dad who's had a whole bunch of cosmetic surgery. He looks very waxy and plasticky now, to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he cut, he dresses up as Eminem and goes out. They do look oddly familiar, don't they? It's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I watched that. I said, you know what? Good news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I finally convinced my wife to watch Whiplash. She was so hesitant. And you know what the, what the kicker was? Cause I've been trying to, like I've been joking about it. I was gonna buy her the DVD for her birthday just as a joke and stuff. Cause she's just like, I don't want to watch it. Sounds like stupid. I couldn't explain it very well. It's alright, but it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, okay, well, if we're not watching this, we gotta watch whiplash. And she's like, those are the only two choices. I was like, yep. She's like, all right, put whiplash on then I'll try it out. And she's hooked now. She's like, oh my God, like we watched half of it because we got tired, but she's like, I can't wait to watch the rest tomorrow. This is great. So there you go. A whiplash converse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well, we didn't, we didn't know though, like, uh, cause we, we've, we're, we're at this point now with like all these streaming services, Netflix and stuff. I don't know if you guys have this, but you spend all your time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, there's been a lot of things that we've only watched for like two minutes and then decided, rightly or wrongly, that we don't want to watch it, so. So uhm, so we're in the middle of watching Whiplash, and the other movie that I watched, I took my kids to see on Sunday, Lightyear, the new Pixar movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was alright. It was just, it was, it was okay. It was just, uh, it was fine. It was, it was typically Pixar, but not as good as like other Pixar movies. Like, you know, so like not all Pixar movies are created equal, I guess. Like some of them are just way better than others. Lightyear was technically really good, like looked great, you know, like all the animation and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The story was just like, whatever, it was okay, and it was, and it was fine. There was like some funny moments in it, you know, it's the usual, like the sidekicks are all like the comedy elements and stuff, and it was, it was, it was pretty good. My kids loved it, so that was nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I got to just sit in a dark, uh, room and nobody really talked to me for two hours and I ate popcorn, which is kind of nice. But uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a woman Thor or something? I think I saw something about woman Thor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was something to do with like fucking his mom, wasn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look, I've had a recent one, from uh, Solaris Wesson, RE Triforce Mailbag 1, you mentioned Rebooting Saved by the Bell, it was in 2020, I watched the first episode and cringed so hard I couldn't watch anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And do the podcast on the day you get back. What's the problem?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, were you on like one of those 1830s holidays? But you were like, they let you in because you were older and they were like, you can come in young old man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know it's Calis-spera and Calis-smera or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a mountain sort of at each one, it's like, it looks like very Tolkien-esque sort of, you know, fantasy landscape. All these little coves and all these peaks, and it's just beautiful green. The water is that crystal blue that it is around there. It wa- it was amazing. But then, you kind of thought, geez, it took like an hour and a half to get up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we gotta get all the way back down. Like I just wanted like a big slide or something. Because the coach driving was genuinely terrifying. The coach driver, where he sits, the wheels are under him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's that whole front of the coach that just sticks out over the edge. So if you're sitting, we were sat near the front foolishly and every time he comes to a corner, it looks like the coach is driving off into space and then you're turning because he knows where the wheels are. He was so scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The joke that the, uh, the tour guide, while the coach drivers...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plugging away. Big Greek lad, you know, he looked like he knew what he was doing for sure. She told this joke that at the gates to heaven there's like a queue to get in based on who's done the most and there's like senior bishop is there and there's this priest is there and there's like a rabbi is there and all these senior people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, Peter's like, alright, let, let this guy in first. And this guy, just this regular guy walks in. He's like, why is he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very gentle holiday joke by our tour guide. People were like, hehehehe. Like that level of chuckle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so we're firmly at that stage where they get pocket money for doing annoying chores around the house and stuff like that. And they can earn money by doing extra things to help out. And we've started levying fines on their earnings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll want to buy a comic or a book or a toy or something that they really want. They also want to save up the money to buy stuff. You'd be amazed. You know, DLC is very expertly priced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean to be fair, they do get money for doing extra things. And for anyone saying that this is unfair, consider this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't fucking, they get everything for free. They get a lot of treats. I buy them a lot of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's buying them? Cause I see people moving in around here and I'm like, Twickenham is not cheap. Who the fuck is buying these houses? Like, they must have, a lot of the time I chatted to them when we had the party, the street party, I said, you know, what was the route you took to get here? It's a very subtle way of asking how the fuck did you afford to buy a place around here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, oh well we sold a flat in, we had, we bought a flat together in London and then we sold that and we moved out here. It's like, so, people who were like maybe in their th-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to be clear, Don't Look Up is not about space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, I'm gonna see the new Thor movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thornbox and a journey unlike anything he's ever faced. A quest for inner peach. Peace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] However, his retirement gets interrupted by Gore the God Butcher, a galactic killer who seeks the extinction of the gods. Sounds bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's my age. Let's look at this. He's, he's like my age.