[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, so you get out, I'm sure you can go, you can soar down a mountain. That's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had one of the great, uh, the great actresses, great grandmothers, of cinematic history, Chloris Leachman, in Game Over Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did do a thing with, uh, Fozzie Bear and, uh, Miss Piggy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we're talking Sesame Street, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, admittedly doing, when I did that thing with uh, Fozzie and I think it was Miss Piggy, uh, like the people that, the puppeteers were so fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were just funny as hell and cool. I'm like, man, what a cool gig that they've had for 50 years. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if it's just something cool, like, I mean that's why Rugrats rule too. It's just, like, giving a voice to these babies that can't talk, and then they, like, that's why Rugrats ruled. It's like when they're around the parents, like, goo goo ga ga, and then as soon as the parents leave, they're like, yo, this is what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a rug rap boy all the way, and I think that's okay. I think what happened


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what it was for me is when Rugrats were the hot shit, I think Rugrats might be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, uh, a little too young for you, Ders. I think that's why you were- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I watched on a plane, yea, and, uh, it was fucking awesome. It's all about Nickelodeon at that time when they started to make original programming and started, uh, with You Can't Say That on Television, which was like a Canadian show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fraggle Rock was my shit. I loved Fraggle Rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rap syndicate from another world. The wizards poof pow surprise. What's with your eyes? I'm so hypnotized. And I still am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I wrote that draft, and then gave it a day, slept on it, and then came back and looked at it in the morning light and was like, ahh, nah, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a, it was like the bachelor party and everything and then like a few other things where I was just like kind of drinking and eating a lot like a pig and I was like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two weeks ago. No, but a month ago I stopped. Okay, just checking. And then two weeks ago I got COVID. I got COVID. Oh, right. Whoa, wait, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breakthrough and, and everyone that I've heard that has had a breakthrough, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, oh, it was nothing, dude. It was like, it was in and out of my system in a day. It fuckin' knocked my ass to the ground. For like three days, I had a fever. Oh my god. I was like all fucked up. I'm like, today's my tenth, my tenth day. I'm ending my quarantine today. And I'm, I'm fine, finally. Like I'm finally fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm so glad that ours wasn't that bad. And we're both testing negative in everything already, so that's a good thing. But I was, for a minute I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, everybody would have. Everyone would have. And we've already paid for everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like talking to Chloe, I'm like, how do we get our money back? Uh, especially for like the booze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, cause the, the fuck it, you know, it's like a lot of money for the, the bar tab, and I'm like, well, they're not, like, they're not just gonna throw away the alcohol, they're gonna keep the alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last four or five days, I didn't want to then, like, slide back into sickness because I just wanted some delicious Ashlands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this live? No, I think I got it on work. The last week of work I had on The Righteous Gemstones, I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was all night shoots. So I think my body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just run down, and I was around people with COVID before. Just casually?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I had everything. I had 100% all the symptoms. I was like- I don't know what they are. I, I, I had a bad temp. It was like 102 or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a big hot, I had a headache for like days and days and days. I'm still like pretty tired. The diarrhea was unrelenting. And it only lasted for one day. But it was like, I was like, I'm gonna shit my pants. I'm going to shit my pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just like, I watched five seasons of Friday Night Lights. Uh, that's all I did. I just, I just turned my brain off and just watched Friday Night Lights for like a week straight. Uh, yeah. But, but I'm back now, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you've gone out to bars and restaurants and stuff. If you're around a certain amount of people, you're around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And especially, I was in the South. I was in Charleston, South Carolina. Right. And there's a lot of unvaccinated people in South Carolina. And, uh, you know, I know for a fact I was. And I was like, am I superhuman? Cause I hadn't gotten it yet. Right. That's a cool


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I got it. I think I was just like, I was exhausted dude. That last week I was like having a hard time switching into nights. One night I got one hour of sleep and then it was like three or four days that week where I only got like three or four hours of sleep. So I think I was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I, if I wouldn't have gotten COVID, I would have just been regularly sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the first thing we need to do, start fucking again. Too sick, they're giving up fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, are you frickin' kidding? They're gonna want this. Do you remember when he would like bring his cheese guy on the set? I just talked about it the other day. Yeah. He's gonna like- He's a cheese guy? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, I remember, uh, DeNiro was, he like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd come to set, and he wasn't in wardrobe yet, and he was wearing his actual watch, and we were rehearsing the scene before we all went into hair and makeup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he goes, here, I'll give you my Watch Guy. And I like threw away the card immediately because I was like, there's no way in hell that I can afford De Niro's Watch Guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, well, just to reiterate, and I've told this on the podcast before, but I saw Robert De Niro backstage at some award show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he comes through and I go, hey Bob, and he stops and just looks at right at me. And I was like waiting for him to be like, oh hey, but he didn't say anything. And then I weirdly like stood my ground and didn't introduce myself, which is admittedly a weird thing to do. Uh, but I was just like kind of like, like deer in headlights style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I wanted him to go like, oh hey, how's it going? And then I'd be like, oh yeah, Adam, the intern, remember? Uh, but he didn't do that. He just stared and looked at me for, I swear to you, like 20 seconds of just like, looking at me and then he goes, huh. And then walked away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Italian wannabes, people some- okay. So, that's okay. Oh perfect, used by Italians to define Italian wannabes, people that wanna be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the COVID brain fog for me is like a very real thing. Like I keep, like I'm, I, I, we're starting work on the outlaws in like a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like, I'm doing last minute revisions on the script, trying to punch it up, add as many jokes as I can. And I'm just, I'm like, losing my place in the script. I forgot what I've read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll like try to come back to it and be like not remember the scene pro- I'm like wha- I've been working on this movie for like two years. I'm like I know it inside and out and I'm having a hard time just like wrapping my head around it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and I can't taste, that's another thing is I'm like, you pay so much for this goddamn wedding for the food and drink, I can't taste or smell anything. Oh really? Oh you have that, you don't, you can't? Oh yea, can't taste nothing, nothing. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's just like, the rest of my senses are like, ooh, that's something. That's a little, that is a flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I've tried, I've tried like a popsicle, it doesn't do much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no I didn't- I- I had a, uh, hemp necklace chain wallet, which was even crunchier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Multiple hemp necklaces that I would wear. I had a hemp bracelet, I had a hemp belt, and I had a hemp chain wallet. Just letting people know, like, this guy loves hemp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, that is not. If you know me at all, you know that I'm not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love two chains. I like when rappers make their, make their rap name before they make any money and they're like, they're like, you know what? I'm, I'm, I wear two chains. That's my thing is I don't just have one chain. I have multiple chains to at least two chains. And then now he's like, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is. Like, remember when, uh, uh, when, like, 50 Cent was rapping about, like, making, like, uh, 300,000? Right. And you're like, 300,000?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not like, rappers don't rap about making $300,000 anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three hundred thousand? You might have the COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do like it when, when the, when like hip hop stars get to the point that, like, like how Drake and Jay-Z don't really fuck with chains anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and they're like, they're, they've gone past, like, needing to prove that they have money, and now they're just like, obviously we're rich. I don't need it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's, also that is Beyonce's thing, is like, looking fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jay-Z's thing was never how good looking he was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's basically the rap version of King of Queens, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get your Rugrats ass outta here. Aw man, muppet baby. He's, he's kickin' with Bobby D, man. He's, he's aggro right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ludacris is the funniest rapper? I mean, Ludacris, we gotta give him flowers. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I have to, I have to give flowers to my buddy Matt Broussard, uh, uh, comic. Okay. I, I said, uh, on our last podcast, I, I said something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, about how Gen Z and Millennials, how Millennials, uh, I forget the joke exactly. You stole his joke? Yeah, essentially. Essentially, and he-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, and then he hit me up and he was like, hey, you said my joke, uh, next time could you, like, uh, you know, mention that as my joke? And I'm like, is it your joke? And I thought I had made the joke up, like, just in the moment. I thought I, like, just was spitballing and came up with that. And then I looked at his, uh, clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, sure enough, it's like basically exactly his bid. So I think I inadvertently stole-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I went back and listened to what I said, and I kind of butchered it, but it was essentially, I mean, COVID brain, but it was essentially,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's, like, millennials, we fought for gay marriage, and that was where we stood, and then Gen Z are like, yeah, but now we're all polyamorous, and we all fuck each other, and there's no such thing as gender. And then all the, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old guard that didn't believe in gay marriage for millennials are finally like, okay, the gays can get married. You guys win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Essentially. And I mean, I butchered the joke on our podcast. And again. And again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and, uh, and for a second I was like, I, it must have been like, where I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that idea is just kind of floating around. You know how that happens a lot in comedy where it's like it's just in the ether and two comics sort of have the same idea at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I went back and looked at it, and it was so close to his actual joke, that is definitely more well written, that I must have seen it, uh, the week before, uh, when I was shooting nights, and I must have, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like I took his joke, I did not mean to, and I want to give him flowers. He's super funny. I had him on House Party years ago, and he's a great stand-up comedian who deserves his flowers and doesn't deserve a guy's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snake in his bits, man! Which I did not mean to do, but I, I give him them flowers. I love you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he DM'd me. And big shout out to him too because, you know, I'm, I'm more established than him or whatever and I can see that it could be like a nerve-wracking thing for a younger comic to reach out and say something. And so like big shout out to him to actually just go, hey man, and he was very nice about it and very polite and didn't accuse me of stealing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially in the stand-up community, it's like, that's, that's the, the worst thing you can do is be a joke thief, and that is not what I am, and I, and it seems like I must have watched it the week before when I was doing night shoots, and it went in one ear out the other, and I just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't, didn't put it together that it was someone else's bit when I was just spitballing on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is funny, and actually go and watch his joke, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find him on the Instagram and watch, he has a clip up and watch the joke. It is very funny and he's much funnier than I'm giving that joke credit for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, as they say, motherfucking wizards never die. Poof, pow, surprise, what's with your eyes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't it Charlie Day's Luigi? Yes. Is that right? Yes. Yeah, that is right. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For letting last week, I needed, uh, well, you know, people were working and I had the COVID and it was nice to, uh, we had a down week last week where we didn't do the pod. And, um, you know, thank God, because I would have been a total fucking mess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so glad it said suck it and it wasn't the actual guy cause he would've come after us. Michael Buffer? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I probably did, uh, but so then his brother, fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, but he's, it's clearly far worse. We just lost all viewership. He just says, let's get it on, right? That's what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And he's like a little looser and Grufford like he has to like jump around the stadium, uh, the ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dana White. Here we go. Uh, doesn't follow me. Which is fine. Not a fan. Oh, look at that hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zero. I can't imagine what he could do. Eight snacks. But what would he be doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He ended up- And by the way, if you are one of those producer guys who sits on set and you're hearing this, you're kinda going, oh fuck, is that me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, recommending restaurants in the area that you've discovered because you have all this time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously lunch is the worst meal of the day. How could you eat? What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's eating, who's eating lunch for dinner? Nobody. Who's eating lunch for breakfast? Ask Lee Knowley. Breakfast for lunch is breakfast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the best, the best meal is, uh, third dinner? What was the Taco Bell ad campaign?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, here's what I know, here's what I know, here's what I know. I remember that you have farted and I have smelled it and that it has been bad. I don't know if I remember, I've heard Kyle's farts, I don't know if I've smelled them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I know, I, but that goes without saying, I know that they're 100% the worst. Blake, I don't know, I can't remember you farting, I assume you have. Do you guys remember me farting and smelling it? I don't remember you farting and smelling it at all. But do you remember Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, no, it's not very common. Yea, it's strong though. It's so good. I feel like women don't want to name their sons, Bruce. Cause it is such a good- Okay, go off. It's such like an older dad name. Meathead. Not yet a grandpa name. Grandpa names women love. Not yet a grandpa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if her middle name is Bruce and call her our Bruce Divine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I go Chuck Liddell and then I go straight to Chuck and Buck suck and fuck. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the one guy is like a weirdo, but the other guy is like a success story of the small town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The loser's like, I'll never forget you, I'm still in love with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is that not carbonated? Yeah, this is not carbonated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember that's how they pitched it to us. They were like, you can do whatever the freak you want, there's no rules, and we signed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm feeling a lull here. I can't wait to get out of this. What are we gonna talk about? It's about to get crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awkward. Hey, what happened? I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody knows this. Your wedding was amazing. I was working so I got there late. I didn't get to go to the rehearsal dinner and give a speech. Would I have been asked to give a speech?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, do you want the speech? Yeah, if you could. No, if you could. Maybe for the 69th episode?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To give you my earnest, my earnest wedding. Wait, earnest goes to Adam's wedding? Hey, I like you a lot, know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? I'm 100% on your page. I'm 100% on the same page as you. And I feel like that's completely changed because all I'm seeing from like comedy people on social media


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And by the way, I'm not saying you have to be like mean all the time, like, um, je-jezzle-neck or whatever, where it's like, that's the bit, but like, it's just being fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you say step back from that ledge my friend? I hope so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's how it goes, man. I wonder- Do you think people are being nice because they want people to be nice? You know how like psychologically you are what you want people to be to you kind of thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I just, I feel like people do it cause they want to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Given my time as what we might call a professional and it has backfired in the worst way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm saying, uh, if I do something, I don't broadcast it, but then I said, speaking of me doing nice things, I just did something a couple weeks ago, and instantly, it has become a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say this person's like struggling, been trying to do this for years, decades. Nothing has hit through. Let's say they wrote a pilot that was about something that was very topical that, uhm, people are talking about all the time now that I thought had social relevance. Let's say I gave them my email.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Immediately. Let's say, let's say I got a little busy with a family that's growing, and said give me a couple weeks. Let's say they didn't stop emailing me multiple times a day. Let's say, finally got to it, 10 days after I received it, uh, and let's say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not great. Atrocious. Let's say I took a day to read and then write an email, um, with corrections, suggestions, links to books online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, above and beyond. Like on Amazon, hey, this is, if you wanna kinda dial this structure in, you can read this, formatting, whatever. I send this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say I, I sent this back to this person, uhm, and I say, hey man, I'm willing to, let's say I said I'm willing to read your next draft, and they said, they go, it's on a laptop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And let's say I, let's say I email and I go, well, you sent it to me, so send it to yourself and maybe use that to work off of. And let's say they said, come on man, let's just get that money together. And let's say they email me the next day saying, have you found someone to buy this yet or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And let's say he says that he talks that way, he talks that way because he's real, and you know he's just joking, but what he's saying is still absolutely not okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even though the topic he's writing about is very socially, uh, it's a thing that everyone's going through, uh, places across cities in America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that being said, I don't talk about the things I do for people. But dude, I fucking was like, let's go, let's take a swing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst. And this person, let's say this person, has no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say things that were highly offensive to large groups of people. You could be a somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife works in that arena of non-profit and asking favors and getting, asking people to do things for you and she's not a pushy person, she's kind of like more of an information person, like who can inform you, educate you on the thing and make you inclined to want to help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she's surrounded in her field uhm, by people who are more sales oriented, who are more like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, convincers, you know? And this isn't her, this isn't where she works. This is like the field of people who are getting you to do things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And that's the business. Their job is to get them to milk you, to get the most out of you as possible. To milk your teats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if you had an opportunity with your significant other to get the milk, you want to get the milk, we've all tried the milk, but. You gotta try the milk, right? That sweet, sweet, titty milk. Why, why not? But by the way, get it, get it in the first couple days where it's called something else. It's called uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, you'll get your turn. Also, for every drop you take, you're taking one away from our Bruce Define.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not even dark, it's just, it's women if you want to not use, if you can't, if you're not producing and you don't want to use formula, you can buy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's not bad, but it's, yes, can't you buy sperm online?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we gotta get some fo- Can you mix that with some can?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, what's the name and let's shout them out so they can send us a box. It's called PornSperm. Artificial Sperm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you'll be okay, this happened to me in West Hollywood when I lived there years ago, when you make eye contact with somebody who you definitely, like somebody who's like shitting on the side of the road and you're looking and you're like oh my god and then they just, they turn somehow and lock eyes with you and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, it's not going to stop me from doing something similar in the future. Uhm, with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, read the whole thing. Right below the semen whatever is the bathing baby toy pipeline water spray shower game bathroom shower kids toy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, did you guys see the toy gun electric burst 80 round soft bullet gun on outdoor children's toys? Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. Dude, it's badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Luxury underscore geez booth. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't talk about the things I do, but maybe I just bought a whole bunch of things from this guy. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On that pass, there was a missed call. We all have mics. The mic was dropped, and now we don't know where the mic is and we have to stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why didn't you hit us with your bars? I was about to. I was about to hit you guys with the bars, but then when Blake tried to pass the mic, there was a fumble. There was a mishap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who coined it? Ooh, okay, okay. Great question. Now I know the topic of the episode. Hey, hell yeah. Okay, ready? Who was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Producer Anna just slid in the chat, guys. There was a sliding in the chat, and she says, though, no evidence exists pinpointing where the gesture which originated with rappers in the 80s first began.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so yeaah, so this, woah, okay, so he was really, he's, he's speaking about this from the grave?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if I- yes, I- we weren't quite born yet, but you were- Front row. Yeah, you were- you could buy- I was almost renting cars. You could buy a beer, for sure. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, at the reflection pool. Right. Mhm. And Jenny's there, she sees him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jenny in that hippie dress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that skip run. Well for sure, like, that's a choice. And she had to think about that. She was like, how would my character run? They're like, we only have like two of these dresses, so really have a very significant run. Whatever you choose. The sun's dropping.


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[Assistant] If you could, no, we don't want to add that, we don't want you to be thinking about that, we want you to think about


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[Assistant] So wide. It actually doesn't, it could be a stunt person, but you're here.


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[Assistant] For using numbers, like kinda staring, numbers are flying around on the screen.


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[Assistant] Well, it for sure is, but I can see Durz. Durz is looking for an experience. When he goes in that candy aisle.


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[Assistant] He's looking, he's looking for something, uh, special. He's not going tried and true. He wants that. Thank you. He wants that weird off, offshoot.


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[Assistant] Bro, I love paydays. Why is payday a specific Home Depot treat?


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[Assistant] You treat yourself. You are a ginge guy on a plane. I, uh, I drink- Yes, I mean, Kyle, a lot of people.


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[Assistant] No, I'm like that, I do a Bloody Mary mix, and sometimes I don't even throw the vodka in there. You know, sometimes I just like the Bloody Mary mix. But never just in life, never in life, only on an airplane do I do that.


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[Assistant] Oh, so what do you guys, what is your, you go to a movie, what is your go-to?


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[Assistant] Went to a movie today. What? I feel like that is the one where you always kinda pick the same thing. Cause I get the same. Oh yeaah. I got a line up.


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[Assistant] It's half, uh, Dr. Pepper. Half Coke, zero. There we go, that's my guy. Fuck with that crushed ice. Small popcorn.


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[Assistant] And large, one of those very expensive Dasani waters.


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[Assistant] Like, I dunno, that's a weird... If anything, I think the more fun thing would be like, how many shits did you take today? Can you get over...


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[Assistant] Well, that's not what I said. Pretty universal. Pretty universal.


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[Assistant] What do you mean? You haven't been to a movie yet? No. What? Like, you go to every shitty dive bar in Los Angeles. Those are sanitized. Oh, they are.


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[Assistant] It's okay, but you're just sitting, you're not like spitting in other guys' mouths like I know you do at all those West Hollywood bars that you go to.


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[Assistant] I've seen the old Dune. The old Dune's fine. It's not like, remarkable. I don't- I didn't see Dune. I don't know what this movie's about. Like, and the commercials don't do anything for me. They don't explain what the fuck the movie's about.


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[Assistant] Wait, you do think you look like Timothy Chalamet?


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[Assistant] Okay, I wear red boots. Okay, I think you know I wear red boots, and you're stepping on my look.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying make them green, just don't make them the same exact shade of red that my boots are. Blue! Do you want a blue? Sure, blue, blue. Fuck you!


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's dope. And what are his real powers?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like they should promote that more, you know? Yeah. I feel like they should let people know.


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[Assistant] You just gotta look. Oh, you do have to dig deep to find that promotion.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, we love Jack, that's the man. Yeaah, Jackie Quaid. He was in the last, the very last, uh, episode of Work of Small Dicks. Yeaah, that's right. Yes he was.


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[Assistant] He passed away recently, right? Didn't he pass away? He did. He did. RIP. RIP. Here's his flowers. Give him his flowers. He was great. Awesome. Absolutely. We blew it. We didn't give the flowers earlier.


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[Assistant] Rance. Rance, which is a sick name. Which, dude, like those old names, like,


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[Assistant] I-I-I named my son Rance. That's tight.


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[Assistant] Yeah. None of us are plugged in enough to TikTok. Oh, you guys gotta get on. They're probably, they're probably very famous. They're hosting SNL next week. We just don't even make it.


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[Assistant] War with grandpa that also starred De Niro?


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[Assistant] Well, Tommy Lee Jones is basically the coolest motherfucking actor of all time, so.


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[Assistant] No matter what he's in, I like him in it. He's great. I mean, he definitely seems like the meanest guy of all time.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, him and, uh, Lebowski, right? Jeff Bridges. And, uh, a very home companion. Obviously, he ripped, he ripped a knife.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's one of the four stories.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. That was crazy. They were so, he was legit, who was that actor? Cause he was legit very scary in that role. And did he do much else?


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[Assistant] We don't have guests. Rob I think would be a great second guest, uh, to the podcast. I think Rob Reiner and no one else.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today,


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[Assistant] You look like a girl at a wedding who like cried and is now just hammered on the dance floor. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I mean dude, I saw, and this is not a Shots Fired, cause I love this man.


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[Assistant] Don't own the capital, baby. I believe it's a visa. Uh, but capital one.


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[Assistant] You're, you're under 40. People don't know you had those power lines as far as you know. This guy's gotta be 70, right? Yea, but you have to have power lines. They gave him skin of like a baby. It's weird. If I was that old, I'd have been like, yo, give me like something, please.


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[Assistant] Right, there's like the corkscrew, there's like the zigzag.


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[Assistant] Uh, I bought a tang of chicken, and uh, I got my own tang of eggs growing in the backyard.


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[Assistant] I think it's just if you're out there on the sticks, you're cold, you want to heat things up a little bit? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Definitely not sexy, but like, I guess it probably feels okay.


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[Assistant] Just say the thing that you never heard for fun then.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And why is it called that? Yeah, do we know? That's a great question. I think it's like a band name. It's just fuckin' sick, dude. Spirit of the Rhino. There has to be something.


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[Assistant] There has, it has to be some spearment. Wait a second. Is this yes from our manager in the sidebar here? Like hella quick about the strip club? Is it being national? Yes it is.


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[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I mean, I'm watching Sopranos and I'm kinda like, so is every strip club guy working there, like, a part-time murderer? Or are they just a guy who's like,


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[Assistant] Who would walk around, I believe, HBCUs and like interview college kids about like whatever, and it was hilarious.


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[Assistant] I do remember being, watching that video and going, you know what, I'm gonna watch this all the way through, cause like, it's not a big deal, I'm not like, homophobic, yea, these guys are out here, they're taking their clothes off, so, women take their clothes off in videos all the time, I can sit through this, I can enjoy it.


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[Assistant] Hang on. Okay. Okay. Okay. Crazy with his daughter and Alicia Silverstone together and they go to like a strip club and like dance and for Blake, there's that farmer guy who takes his shirt off.


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[Assistant] And there's the gas station guy who might as well have been you.


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[Assistant] It's your hot neighbor, she wants to, 90, okay, thank you, 1990. She comes in, she puts, we've been over this, four years at that era, huge difference. Puts the tape in the stairway.


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[Assistant] Giving them something you could feel in vogue, right? Okay. Alright, alright. Remember that shit? Or like they're performing at like- A lot of silhouettes. Not like a burlesque, but like a very sens- it's a sensual video, you know? And the guy's just like, all the businessmen are like, it's getting hot in here.


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[Assistant] Some of them hold up, uh, Beauty and the Beast holds the fuck up.


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[Assistant] Remember when they used to cast people that you, you're just like, oh, you just sound right and you can say, now it's like, who the fuck am I?


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[Assistant] You just, you haven't pulled further too far down. Oh yea, now you've got CB4. You know, it's that whole, the whole California, it's straight across.


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[Assistant] If you watch a show, that person with the hat on will get like killed or something very early on.


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[Assistant] Uh, I remember being out at a club, I was out at a club with a homie, and he goes, look at this fucking guy, it's 80 degrees out and he's wearing a fucking winter hat. And I look at my guy and I'm like, you're wearing a winter hat. And he goes, oh fuck, you know what I fucking mean though. I was like, I haven't seen my guy in a few years, but he's a fun guy.


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[Assistant] But as a producer, don't you want Pete Davidson, super famous headliner, to be wearing the best stuff? Well what was sick? Well what was sick?


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[Assistant] Why don't you ask, do you want to, do you want everyone to turn their shit down and talk to him personally and maybe ask him for the hat? To just maybe send it to you? To Pete?


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[Assistant] So I keep it down, but like, the intricacies, I was talking about this today with some parents at soccer, some stand-up comedians that you might know.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and I was like, I feel like Santa in 15 years is gonna be over. I think a lot of parents are gonna be like, I don't like having this kind of relationship with my children where I'm lying to them about this thing.


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[Assistant] No, but I just think that the lie, it's gonna get weird and people are gonna pass. Dude, it's not, it's not gonna work.


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[Assistant] I know, but as soon as you- And by the way, not to put you in check, you don't know, bitch.


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[Assistant] We're watching Rock the Cradle of Love. There's a sophistication level that like, the, the lying is just, you gotta get in the leads with it. So I go, hey, go sit down and watch Kurt Russell in Chronicles of Christmas again, and, and stop fucking catching up.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I haven't seen him in, I haven't seen him in days, but there was a dad today who was very funny, who was like, uh, they converted to Judaism because it was just too difficult. Judaism? Judaism. To like, uh. Judaism. I've had a little too much of the juicism of the novel. Yessir. What you drinking there, Jersey? Happy holidays. Uh, I got a little Jack. Happy holidays. A little, well not Jack, but whiskey ginger ale.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Adam's gonna take a miss because what Blake's talking about is almost irrelevant. Uh, we watched the Elf on the Shelf, like, Netflix show. Is that real? So bad.


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[Assistant] Who is it? Is it Steve from Full House doing the voice of the elf? Who the fuck did they get?


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[Assistant] You started just swinging at the air crying. Like, uh, Cuba Gooding Jr., is that what it was? Uh, yeaah, I remember one year, Polar Express, we're all familiar, the kid asks for a bell, right? In Polar Express.


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[Assistant] I think I'm seven years old and I go, I'm starting to doubt it. Polar Express?


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[Assistant] So, the kid gets a fucking bell, right, and I go, you know what I'm gonna do this year? Cause I'm just starting to doubt. I go, I'm gonna sleep downstairs on the couch in front of the fireplace and I'm gonna ask for bells. Is this gonna get sad? So, if, so if he's giving me a bell, I'm gonna hear it.


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[Assistant] Holy shit, that bought me another year. A year later, my brother- Oh, dude, your parents are the shit. They killed it. They put on all the presents while I'm just fucking locked out right there.


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[Assistant] I, uh, yeaah. And you know how much water it takes to get an almond? Uhm, why did you cry? Don't tell me why.


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[Assistant] I'm not gonna give spoilers because it is cool, but like the end of the movie, I, by the way, let me just preface. I love Ghostbusters. If you don't love Ghostbusters, you're not gonna feel this way.


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[Assistant] It's like the kids are moving back to like, they like are kicked out of their apartment and like it's Egon's daughter and granddaughter, grandkids, and they move to Egon's like weird farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere to like collect a check and it turns out to be like this shitty


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[Assistant] And the person who's kind of like in charge of the deed is Janine Melnitz, who was the secretary, so.


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[Assistant] In the end, there's a whole, like, thing that goes down that I'm just like, holy fucking shit, this is heavy for me. Like, oh my god.


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[Assistant] We all know it. It is funny when you see, like, uhm, there'll be a meme that'll just be, like, a frame of something and it's like, if you're over 30 you know exactly who this is or whatever and you're like, yeah I know. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Right, and you're just like, man, got me through some tough times.


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[Assistant] No, wasn't that, what's his name? From Clue and Home Alone 2 and... Tim Curry? Or maybe I'm just thinking of Home Alone 2 when they do like a fade from him to... George. The Grinch. Tim Curry. Oh, Tim Curry. They do like a dissolve to his face in...


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[Assistant] Uh, there's been some real, I don't wanna do Shots of Fire, I just watched the new Home Alone movie.


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[Assistant] A lot of fun people involved in that, you know. In what, in what now? In the new Home Alone, which I believe is called Home Sweet. Home Alone?


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[Assistant] This is really good and obviously like, uhm, to go up against something like that is very tough. Like, that's a tall order. That's hard.


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[Assistant] There weren't cell phones. And by the way, if you can't do it because there's cell phones and da da da, and they have a bunch of things to like fix it and clean it up and like explain that away, uh, don't make the movie. Okay.


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[Assistant] Can I say this? Can I say this on air? Thank you! This is our golden number. Happy birthday, Anders.


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[Assistant] You know, you could even pretend like you're explaining it to each of us individually.


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[Assistant] I like, I basically- He's a collector. He's a hoarder.


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[Assistant] Okay, okay. So if you're a hoarder, if you're a hoarder, you're after things, like those are my things, don't take my things. Right, right.


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[Assistant] I could tell he was just trying to say stuff, but. But if you're following it, if you are following it, it's like things are stuff that have lost their value. That's what I think it is.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you know, there's something for everybody. Feels like a better kind of, like, you know, maybe a... There's something, there's something for everyone. Two girls for sure. For sure. Yeah, there's two girls one cup. Well, that's, that I don't, that I, I'm not endorsing that. Sorry, buddy.


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[Assistant] That sounds so nice going into a dirty bar and just fucking, I mean the only time I went when I was sober was playing the guitar and it would be so sick to just go play the fucking guitar loud as shit in a dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty bar.


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[Assistant] I wonder how long it's gonna last on set. I wonder how long they're gonna make us have to rock the cleanliness wear on set.


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[Assistant] I just clipped it to my hat so that I- Well, what's crazy is every place has a different- Couldn't take it off. Yeah, and Disney's different than- Every place has a different rule. Who you're working for.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well I don't consider a take back to the audience, I consider a take back only to you guys, if I spread information that's not true.


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[Assistant] I bet that's what's up. That's cool. Good looking out. Good looking out.


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[Assistant] No, you're using the mind, the part of your mind that is like the strategy of climbing, but you're not actually working out in that sense.


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[Assistant] The Beat Saber one is one where you actually have lightsabers in your hand. I have described this on the pod before, but you have like cubes, like starburst cubes. You know, they're candy coming at you in certain colors. And you gotta, you gotta slide.


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[Assistant] And you slice them in half with the direction that they tell you to slice them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a very hard game and and also to answer your question about sweating while wearing the controller you can or wearing the headset you can get like sweat resistant Stuff to put on it so that it's easily cleaned and you can also get a special It goes around the side like a headband, but you can get a special over-the-top Kind of see I want to look


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[Assistant] So this dude had a messy ass room, threw his goggles on, took out his chud. Didn't put the do not disturb thing on the door.


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[Assistant] You can still live the go-hard lifestyle without actually putting your body through so much go-hard abuse.


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[Assistant] Whoever's grocery shopping, just have them swap it out. Have you gotten, yeah exactly, have you gotten the patties and put them on the, on the queue? Cause they're pretty dang good, man. They, they feel like meat.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they come in, they're in the meat. They come in and then they stay in your intestines.


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[Assistant] No, it's not like a tapeworm, it's like fuckin' meatworms. It's meatworms.


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[Assistant] But yea, look him up, I mean, I honestly haven't checked him out since I stopped eating red meat, like whatever that was, like four or five years ago or something like that, but when I looked him up I was like, I'm sorry, what is this shit?


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[Assistant] It's an easy trap to fall into and I mean I'm guilty of falling into that trap for sure I mean whatever you eat will definitely like You know you got to eat right, but you can fill yourself up by other things if you have like a healthy portion of something You know yeah, I'm not into filling. I'm gonna feel it


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[Assistant] I'd like to compliment you, Anders, cause I feel like you need one after that story. And I'd like to compliment you, uh, tackling- That's- I don't want-


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[Assistant] That's the thing- That's just a bale. That's just Christian Bale. You can't hang with him? We started talking about heart attacks and I was like, oh shit, my body's working too hard right now. Your mush?


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[Assistant] I go to other airports and I'm like, wow, like what the fuck is this?


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[Assistant] Our gymnasts, like their shoulders and biceps are crazy.


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[Assistant] What are the logistics of that though? Like, yeaah, what's going on here?


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[Assistant] I think what I'm gonna start doing is just not paying attention to you. Fuck it bitch, what do you got? Nah, I'm just not gonna listen. And when you talk, I'm gonna just ignore you. Oh really?


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[Assistant] He was a little hefty back in the day, then they- your parents both got sw-


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[Assistant] It's throwing me. Hey Adam, we'll circle back to whatever statistic you had and just talk about these murals for a little bit. Well it's bizarre. It's bizarre.


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[Assistant] You know, if there's no accident that kills you, what do you think it's gonna be?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Or anybody. I don't f- whatever. Not like a train or whatever, like a car, but like, what's the thing you think's gonna-


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? They're feeding cows to cows. Like fuck. I think I'm gonna get mad mad cow. That would suck. Cannibal burger.


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[Assistant] So blame them, like the doctor said, like, don't blame them, blame those people. For sure. Cause that's what happened. Plug it up.


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[Assistant] He just, one tear comes down and you're like, dad's gonna be okay. He's like, no, no, I just thought of...


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[Assistant] Damn, that's what's up. Did he get the prognosis standing on an endo board?


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[Assistant] Everybody at home, at Indoboard, they're also known as bongo boards, it's like a piece of wood you stand on and balance over like a wooden cylinder, and you kind of rock back and forth and work on your balance.


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[Assistant] And we had one in the writers room at Workaholics and we wrote a bunch of stuff on it. Kyle?


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[Assistant] Click. Click. Allegedly we did this in the writer's room, and... Allegedly. Allegedly it was thrilling.


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[Assistant] We were going and going and going and going. I can't remember if it was a guy or a girl, but somebody was like, endo-boarding on it. It was a dude. It was a guy. Yeah. Yeah. It was a dude. And then we were like, and there's no sound?


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[Assistant] We were losing in beer pong to... We were losing in beer pong... I thought it was Kent. The drunk history guy? It was Kent and drunk history homie. Yeah, Derek.


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[Assistant] Well, so we had only one cup left. We had one cup left, we were losing, and it was like, we gotta do anything so they fucking can't beat us. You pulled your nuts out, I got on my knees and started licking at them.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, it is. We still lost. I think he still made the shot.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't laugh anymore. Everything got too real.


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[Assistant] I'm meeting these chicks who are like in recovery. We're all talking about, we're all identifying with our cancers and stuff. And he's like, I'm killing it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shake what your cancer gave you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you can hear like skin slapping on fouls and shit. Oh yeah. You can hear their dicks hitting their thighs. That's all we heard, it was just...


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[Assistant] I do love though, uh, I used to play like those, those street ball, the street ball, uh, on ESPN2 or whatever. And they'd be like some beach somewhere and they'd be like, check out this move. They played in slow motion on the replay and you would just see like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, the lyrics are next. I remember driving. I get, I know exactly where I was cause I was so shocked cause I'm not really.


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[Assistant] A lyric guy? I'm more of like a beat whatever, like if somebody like Tupac is kind of rapping, like the melody. And I remember listening to the lyrics like, and being like, well what is he talking about? And I'm driving around the reservoir in Silver Lake, hearing it like crystal clear for the first time and going,


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[Assistant] It's not even like a line, it's not even like a verse. He comes back from the chorus and goes back in on it and you're like...


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[Assistant] And I would like to say, all of those people are going to come to our houses now. With that said, you guys did see the armor.


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[Assistant] You know what? I'll do a first take back. You know, why don't we get into it? Uh, take backs and apologies. I will take back that it was, uh, aggressive to ask him to name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four songs, but I would have accepted, I believe we can go back and check the tape. I said, you can even hum it, motherfucker.


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[Assistant] I was just checking. That's cool. So check the tapes. But yeaah, uh, you know four songs. You could hum them. You could sing them. But you're also not listening to Blink right now a ton. And Blake looked like he was diving in pretty deep recently.


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[Assistant] Ready? You sing ABC's at the same time I'll sing Twinkle Twinkle.


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[Assistant] I watched the departed the other day and the accent's insane. The way they say cops. Cops. Cops.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're back on some bike talk. Let's sneak this in. Blake and I got invited to the specialized shop in Santa Monica to ride.


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[Assistant] Some e-bikes had no idea. We show up and the dude is fully geared out and is like, uh, you're wearing pants and just casual clothes. Are you ready for this two hour bike ride?


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[Assistant] It's an assisted crank essentially. Like it doesn't turn on unless you're pedaling. It just makes you twice as powerful or whatever. Um, and now the construction has started at my house again.


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[Assistant] And these other dudes guiding us were like hoofing it like out of the saddle and we were just like, they're like, you guys good? And we're like,


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[Assistant] But dude, I've been dropping those gummies. I take two gummies right before bed and have the craziest dreams.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you just build a character and there's like certain points for like dexterity and strength and-


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[Assistant] By the way, Kyle, it's not like uhm, you know, like we all have like our favorite friend that might not necessarily be our best friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Right, so you're his favorite actor, you might not be the best actor, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say Kyle would always be the most prepared. You were the most prepared on set always.


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[Assistant] Right, and then they have to like, operate on him and take all his blood and stuff, but it'll be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a take back or a thank you? That's a thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't hear it. Yeaah. Yeaah, we can't hear it. Oh great, that's because I have this little fuckin' stuff everywhere.


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[Assistant] Imma wait till they knock on my door on a show on my danger field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's gonna give you ladybugs. Like, how many times did he do that joke? And they're like, Rodney. No. Can't do that one. We did it. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your feelings are hurt. Was he exposing himself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. I guess that's cool. But at one point, women were in there and guys were just like changing and they were exposing themselves. Like, so was this his locker room or was this like his move where he's like, I'm gonna wait till they knock on my door and I'm gonna show them my danger field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember hearing it was like his balls were always out. Like he had long balls. How do you have your balls out without your dick out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they hung. I think Kyle's just, you're being coy. You just wanted me to, not gonna happen. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last guess. She is the final guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be honest, I was kinda stoked that like, we gave Conan his due before, it was like announced. Now everyone's like, here's a picture of me with him, I was there when, I love him. It's like, well, we did that without him announcing anything. So we're better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like that one storyline in uhm, uh, Game of Thrones. Didn't really watch it, but I just remember there was one thing where like a guy was tied up and he kept getting like his dick cut off and like beaten. Woah, woah. What's up? He kept getting his dick cut off? And then the guy came back and he was like, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, look, I, dude, after, look, I watched the first season like live as it aired and I was like, couldn't get into it. Then everybody watched the finale and I was like, I guess I gotta fucking circle back. And I watched three seasons and it felt like homework. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. The coolest shit was when the redhead got killed and I was like, oh damn, otherwise didn't care about anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's also, I also just didn't find it as enjoyable as I found it boring, right? Like there's, and that's a TV thing, right? Budget wise, although it had a crazy budget, but like pace wise, it's like slow for 20 minutes, crazy thing happens, slow for 20 minutes, crazy thing happens, slow for 20 minutes, and it ends on a crazy thing, and I just didn't connect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, uh, we cut his tendons off and like out of his body and then like tie it to some naked chicks, but then they like run away and like tear his tendons off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's a good show on Netflix that, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so basically there's a point in the FBI like in the 70s or maybe early 80s where they were like, hey, we want to, we want to interview serial killers to find out why they do it so we can catch people that haven't been caught yet. And everyone's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The end game is, sure these guys get to talk and come out of their cells, but then we get to stop people from getting murdered in the future. So it's pretty good. And the actors they got as the killers are fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't like the white blonde girls named Sharpay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even with Snapchat memory, who we gave like, the worst case scenario roll to where like, people come up to them and are like, quoting the worst fucking liner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what's fuckin' cool though, is that if Overback catches on from the podcast. And it comes back? Yes. And then if people find Romancey or Chester Tam and they're like, yo, Overback! And they're like, from, this is important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she did lead with her tongue. He's newly single. Right. Are you okay? I'll be fine. I just accidentally chorg him. Chorging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was gnarly. And the pass was good, by the way. The pass, nobody, there's a different angle I saw where he really threaded it right past the backboard. Crowder? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this other issue. So would you like lower your voice and be like a, uh, mind if I, uh, catch a fag or whatever? A cancer stick?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I can basically narrow it down to two. To two, okay. So I'm fifty percent, like I know, I know where it and when it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There has to be, dude. There has to be, like, the vibe that, yeaah, cause that little sperm was feelin' it and stuff, but that's the one that was feelin' it cause of the vibe, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, well, you know, what happens on set stays on set unless you have a podcast and you're talking about sex. Or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She definitely stunned it. Actually, well said. But that means that, well it was just, cause a stunner is where you basically like hold over your shoulder and then fall on your ass. So basically his dad was- Yea, so I would assume it was like- He was holding his dick on the shoulder. She was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because for whatever reason we had like taken an old box of pizza and put it in the road because we were obsessed with fucking like watching cars run over things. Right. Adam, how do you feel about that? I thought it was so tight. I thought it was so tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, but we would throw these pizzas in the road, like old pizzas, we would put them in the road and we'd be like, road pizza! So this dude who had hell of like, hits, we used to call him fucking road pizza. That was his nickname. It was hella mean.


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[Assistant] He's gonna cape fear you. No, he used to storm out of the, out of the house like angry and like scare us all away cause we would like ding dong doorbell ditch him and stuff and just terrorize him. Ding dong doorbell ditch? Ding dong doorbell ditch.


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[Assistant] Right, right. Yeah, that like is the premise of I know what you did last summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, I go over- Damn son, where'd you find this? What do you mean? How do you not remember- Wait. How do you not remember doing LSD for the first time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And zero, not even like a, not even like a haze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My father, it's his favorite drug of all time. Like, it's supposedly a great, a great experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also mixing it with like a high quantity of alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly like, what the fuck? I don't drink and I'm like, I kind of want to do LSD, but I would, for me, I would be coming at it from a very pure perspective of like just doing LSD for the day. But you're saying if I scheduled that and made an appointment, you wouldn't be there with me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not interested. Even in a tiny little amount of, of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to, I had to rock it for a week. So it was, I rocked it while we shot it and then I kind of fucking like cut off half of it and did this weird like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It was definitely a weird one. Uh, I'll try and find some pictures of what I tried to come back with. You're not gonna tell us? I can't remember. I know I kept the tail for a while. Like I had the tail in my hair as it was growing out for a while because my wife went to cut my hair and she cut the tail out of it and I got fucking heated. I was so pissed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't remember that part. Sorry, I'm not like totally versed in Shanghai Noon. I like the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a big, an ant that they ride or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just start looking in the mirror. When you left the stove on, did you, was the flame actually going when you had it on or was it just gas leaking out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just saying from a, from a builder's perspective, from a construction standpoint and all that, it's like he didn't, if a flame was on, which I think he said it was, it was... It's like the Olympics. You were all good. It was just burning the gas off. You weren't gonna explode. So that's good to know. You can, you know, hey, little window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Adam said that he- Oh no, that's gonna cost a fucking arm and a leg if you just burn it. Adam, you said you smelled the gas, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, like, something was up. I smelled something. We're gonna have to go back and check the tapes, I'll listen to you with my father, and we'll get to the bottom of this, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I dug that though. That was cool. If you were getting something out, you could kind of go through your index and like, you know, it's right there in front of you. You can pull out a piece of paper, hand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, or you got the cheaper one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are these roller bags that you're, that you're talking about? Like are they, I don't have a frame of reference of these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we didn't. This is a false- Blake's making shit up. Wait, you guys had friends that had laptops at school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the acid. It wasn't. The only bags that were rolling were fucking bowling bags, bro. That was it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's okay. He's apologizing. It's not about you. Yeaah, it only works if you accept it. Accept it. No it doesn't. I guess you don't have to accept it. I guess that's true. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I'll, I'll, I'll apologize to Blake for going in on his memory of high school. Something that I, my memory is not incredibly clear. Yeah. Um, and I bet you like after we get off this podcast, I'll think about the roller bags and find a memory. Um, if it is indeed true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like last year in high school, it's like, bro, you can't do that anymore, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, this is- Casey Jones. Very good, that's three. Is that what it's called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it might be a little bit of column A and column B. You're eating old food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that was probably like, uh, what's the shit you can get from spinach?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think you got the E. I think you got the E.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I think they're kind of sex toys. What? Like little massagers, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, all genitals respond to bristles. Yeah. Alright. In my family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allegedly. I also think that Durz has this cool skill where he can just take any road back to to Cumville.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, that is definitely a German scientist who discovered that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They cut it off and then they tie it or what's the deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might be confusing, like girls get their tubes tied and boys get their, their dicks nipped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the whole point. That just flooded me with memories. I actually think I did have that knowledge somewhere in my brain, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you're taking the road back to cum town, but come on now, I'm saying four best friends all get snipped and they go to a house that is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm already rewriting it. One friend gets snipped. One friend gets snipped. Kyle, the star of the movie, and his three best friends go with him to like a house in the desert to do his last 25 ejaculations. And they want to make each one special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a comp, it's like, you know, he's like coming to terms with like, he can never create life again, so we're like, let's treat each ejaculation like a, like a, like a birth of a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was a Kum-related album. No wait, we're not talking about Kum-


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[Assistant] Every single cutaway should be a new genre for sure. It's genre-bending.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And so say you do it at 18 and then you kind of undo it at 30. You know how, like, if you don't use a sink for a long ass time and you come back to a house and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it doesn't work great, what if you untie your shit and then like your shit is just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, there was one moment when you guys were pitching like the horseback thing or whatever. I went off into a section completely without you guys. I was just talking to myself. Scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wear sacks of underwear because it makes my dick look too big is my problem with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit of that, I'm thinking like John Claude, Claude Van Damme was a ballet dancer. He's packing a full, full on lap haul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, how is that? I don't know, he's just been a master for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a- it was a flop. That was like the first time I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People didn't like the Jim Carrey movie, like it failed. Like the news story for it was like, it didn't make enough money and I was like, I saw it in theater, I really loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even with that, even with that said, I do think it has gotten its flowers, like, uhm. Oh, it's got flowers. Like John Gabriel. Hey, it's getting them now. What's, what's Gabriel's podcast where he talks about movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be high and mighty even, but he was like reciting the movie like top to bottom, I was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so somebody's in the chat. Hi and mighty. Yeah, shout out to Gabris, one of the funnest Gabris. Yeah, love ya. And he was just reciting the movie. So it, it, I don't know if it's a comedian's movie or, or if people got around to really appreciating it, but super dope. And Ben Stiller directed it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, or did you, do you think you had the foresight of like, I'm going to release this weird documentary in like Andy Kaufman-esque, like this is part of the process and then later down the road we're gonna release it as the, like a long con almost in a way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess since you guys covered a lot of great Jim Carrey movies, I guess I'll just highlight one scene from Ace Ventura 2 when nature calls. Cop out. The Rhino scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, like the first time I saw Ace Ventura 2 when nature calls, I didn't like it enough. So I watched it every day on VHS until I loved it. And now it's burnt into my brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll give a shout out if we're talking comedy, giving shout outs. Man, I watched the first episode of I think you should leave on Netflix and I haven't watched any other episode except the first one, but goddamn if I wasn't crying watching it. It's very, very good. I gotta watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That first episode is... is very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, while we're here, you know, Detroiters, Sam Richardson is in like, I turn on my TV. He's got, uh, two movies. Just blast him in the, in the face. Sam Richardson, who was in game over, man, just the best dude. So flowers to Sam as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good to see you guys. Good to see you. And we're gonna have to come hang out. Yea, we're gonna have to come kick in the Ozarks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'll be a good time. We'll see if we can smash jet skis and destroy boats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, well I better let you guys get back to podcasting, cause that shit's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when your soul needs to jerk off and you got to have the chicken soup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would like to get down with it. Sickness and thickness. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kadoose. Kadoose. How are we spelling Kadoose? Do you know the spelling of that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You better have. Hashtag look it up and then when you're sure of it, prove that you've looked it up. Yeah. Right. Right. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the death? Is that when MTV started to die?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different covers, different holders, different versions online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just heartwarming stories. All it was was heartwarming stories, like good Samaritan stories. Where the sidewalk ends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're just heartwarming stories about good Samaritans and things that happen that can inspire goodness in people, which is why the Christian, uh, merch game adopted it because it appealed to their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would believe you were a profit made for making money?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds like it could be hit or miss. Well, it's fully, it's fully countryed out to, to an extent. Like, they don't, it's all crossed over now, cause I feel like Snoop was playing that festival a couple years ago. Snoop will do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say, that type of music hits a note where you're like, dude, I'm fucking chilling and I'm lazing around. You know? And I feel good on a Sunday. That hits that note.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all is made for our ear. It's like easy progressions, simple lyrics that are talking about like, you know, just feeling. Drinking beer. Yeah, drinking beer and floating. Yeah. What about this one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That dude, that Tim McGraw, Nelly track, like I genuinely loved that when it came out and still do. I thought about it the other day. That's a great track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, yeah, I would turn it on. I used to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100% I turned it on. When it first came out, I can remember, I can remember driving around with Adam and turning that on multiple times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Oh, acid baptism, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll get there. Yeah, we can do that. I think that can happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a shock, it's a shock comic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Have fun on that ride. Do you guys know anybody that has gotten the vaccine and is still contracted COVID? Cause I found my first acquaintance that that happened to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's your, you can carry it and pass it and then you, yeah, you're, if you have the vaccine, you're knocking it back if you get it. Like you're, it's not going to be full force.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what you hope somebody adds is you say you want a Hertz donut and then they say, what's a Hertz donut? And then you say, boom, Hertz donut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. What? No, dude. What? No, Adam. I'm saying I'm emotional. I'm saying I have feelings. It sounds like you're out of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in. I will press play. I will be the one pressing play. And hooking up the techie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we need to give out the prop. We need to somehow fabricate the prop of the flashy thingy so we can keep people... Just like a space, just a space pen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we talk about the big news of the week? What happened? Do you guys know what happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a lot of people were talking about like, storming capitals or other, uh, like riot events. Uhm. Inciting violence. I feel like, like, eh, people kind of blew over the fact that we got merged. Right. And here, this is important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do too. Me too, me too, me too. Uh, underneath just cause I like to feel, uh, how, I like my nipples really cozy. Me too. I don't wash them for a while as long as I can go without washing them so that inside layer is nice and soft and the nips just hit just right cause it's getting cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For your body type? Oh, allegedly it's a guarantee. I'm a medium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a medium, uh, only because, uh, my, my, uh, midsection could fit into a large. Let's say I'm, I'm a beefy boy. You know, I'm built like a little, uh, like a miniature truck. Like you take a regular sized truck and you just squeeze it down. But it's kind of the same proportions, just tinier. You're like an Azuzu trooper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An Isis truck? What do you mean an Isis truck? Yeah, they all rock a Toyota. They all rock on those Toyotas. Isis the terrorist? The group? Isis the terrorist group? Yeah, ketchup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like these arms, there's not a lot of length there, so if I go, then I'm a child. And I'm not trying to look like, I'm trying to look like a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dad hat is what, what I'm, I'm all about. Why do we call them the dad hat? Is it just cause, I mean, cause dads when we were kids wore hats like that? But I also wore hats like that when I was a child, like- I don't know any dad that wore a hat like that. Yeah, I don't know why we call them the dad hats. Why are they dad hats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Durz, Durz looked like he belonged there, so they're like, he seems cool. I don't know why they brought him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is like, uh, specifically like a Cuban grandfather. Actually, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad wore trucker hats, my dad wore like John Deere hats and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the winter you wore that. That's fuckin' tight. That's fuckin' cool, dude. That's really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's in, yeaah. Yeaah, Bale's in that. Yeaah. Christian Bale fucking crushes it. Having new shoes with satin laces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Newsies was way before records. Oh my god. Yea, there was no records, I wouldn't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Newsies time? No, there's for sure records in Newsies. When didn't records come out? What year are Newsies? That's a great question. It was like, it was like 1910 or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And why? Cause you like the sound of like kinda shitty bad speakers? Or what's the deal? What's the purpose there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or let's hear a holler at my guy. How long have you had, haven't you had this for years? What's up? Haven't you had this for years or is this a new thing? I thought you had this for years and years at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they had all like the big breasted women's, uh, that were in like the low cut tops and they were playing basketball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That was the first time I truly remember Drake. I remember somebody showed me that, uh, yea, she's the fuckabest. You're the best I ever had. I remember someone showed me that video and I'm like, uh, this guy's a star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I, I, I don't remember seeing it in Toronto, but uhm, or Ottawa. Cactus Club is basically, what would you consider? It's kind of a fucking Applebee's. It's like not that cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, I only went there a few times. Oh, remember how, whatever the food was, and there's a million of them, and it wasn't that cool? No, no, no, no, it's- I do. This is, you remember it, how you watch television shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yard house. That's what I was trying to think of. Yard house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So are we trying to start up a, move over to Keynes? We got a new franchise in our midst. Cactus Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if it's just orange flavored chicken and, uh, chipotle steak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Delicious. Love Chipotle. Ooh, Chipotle. You know what I did that I- I mean, if Chipotle's listening,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hook a brother up again. Yes. You know what they did a few years ago. Yes. That I completely, I've lost it, I don't know what happened to it. They gave me a fucking card. Yep. That said, uh, like free Chipotle for life, as much Chipotle as I can handle, like. For life or for a year? That's not diarrhea. No, it was, I got one that said that it was, uh, forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. A forever card. Chipotle's the bomb. It's the best. I love Chipotle. Yes. Yes. It's not diarrhea. Why do you keep doing that? And I, I could get Chipotle every day and then once a year I could get, uh, a hundred, uh, party for a hundred people Chipotle. And I used it all the time. And then now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not diarrhea. You're trippin'. I will say that I do feel it's not diarrhea. Yeah. Chipotle fucking rocks. No, and Blake's just- Blake just has the button. He has too much control. He's got too much power. He's drunk on his power over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lost it. That's right. That's it. But the thing is, is I always felt like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they 100% never knew. It was frustrating. Oh, like it was a big, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only place that they knew where it was was the Chipotle on Sunset Boulevard. Because I think they gave away enough to actors that enough actors would go in there and they were like, okay, we know what this is. We've gotta know the broke actor. Yeah, every other Chipotle, it was like a fucking event. I like using it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, get into my hotel room, like I lost my key, I like lost my wallet one night. And I'm back, coming back to the hotel, we were shooting House Party Season 2, and in New Orleans. New Orleans. And I'm like drunkenly back at my hotel, and I'm like, look, I did my madam divine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just, eh, I'm in the room of s- I got a room and it's upstairs and they're like, okay, you have any idea? I don't. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, just, here, just look me up. And they're like, what? And I'm like, look, look, I'll prove that I'm who I say I am. And I had them look, I had them look me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then they still wouldn't give me a key? Yea. I think it was because I was so fucking drunk, and uh, they were just kind of like, l-lording my drunkenness over me.


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[Assistant] That was the best. Well the funny thing about, uh, shooting that show is we only shot for two weeks. We shot, uh, ten episodes in two weeks. Two episodes a day. I still gained enough weight throughout that production as you saw my body morph.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, even on the last few episodes of every season, you're like, yo, Jesus.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was, I was, you know, I, I go big. And with, with most endeavors. Literally.


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[Assistant] That's the IP. Turns into the scariest horror movie.


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[Assistant] Yeah, man. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that's how I feel. I mean, I'm here for the gigs and the ha ha's, and if you're not, hit the road, Jack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the Chucks? I'm here to laugh. Where's the Ha Ha?


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[Assistant] I sent you guys the little cans. Thank you, thank you for the can. Uh, I didn't know, I'm sorry Kyle, I didn't know if that was gonna, I, I, uh, invested in this company called Can, Cannabis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I didn't, I, I must, I just must have blanked and also sent it to Kyle, because Kyle, you don't mess with the weed anymore, but are you dipping your, your toes in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I smoke, I don't smoke like how you smoke, but I smoke, uh, almost every day I would say. I'd say at least five days a week. Uh, do you, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would it affect me? I feel like every time I've tried to just mess with CBD, I'm like, Apui! Give me the good stuff.


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[Assistant] I like it. Dude, it pops hot. It pops hot. Once you figure it out, it gets easier.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I, uh, no, a couple, like, uh, like two or three and you're feeling pretty good.


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[Assistant] Yeah. See, edibles, I'm like, I like to ease into an edible. Like, I have friends that'll just like munch down on a 25-milligrammer, and I'm like, I'm not, I'm trying to go to the moon, I'm just trying to sit on the couch and uh, watch a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, like, a nice, these are two milligrams, so you have two of these, and then you eat a little gummy, and you're feeling fucking great, you know what I mean? And not, uh, not on the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you're up around them. Well, I mean, that's a, that's a lot.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, and that's fun if you're like, I'm getting fucked up on edibles, which sometimes that's fun to do, but other times you're just like,


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[Assistant] I'm at the point that I like to be high, but I want to have the option.


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[Assistant] That in 30 minutes I don't ha- I won't be on the moon.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? And I can, I can go out, I can go and smoke a little more or I can have another little edible and just keep that buzz going instead of just, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I felt like my body was gonna explode. I like chugged like nine beers.


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[Assistant] He's just shredding down, uh, like on that skateboard. I remember like the cool CGI of him just like ripping on the skateboard. Longboarding.


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[Assistant] Just his beard, dude. The man in the man can't grow a beard.


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[Assistant] Well, you really weren't touching it a lot in the last pod, if I remember. I remember there wasn't a lot of... Dude, it was the can.


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[Assistant] Liquid? Yeaah, yeaah, I think the liquid you're just digesting a little faster.


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[Assistant] Maybe I've had that a lot. A few people have asked me that and I'm like, It's science. Uh, I'm not the brains behind this operation. I don't, I have no idea. I just like how it tastes and I like weed. And let me ask you this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, they're super chuggable. I mean, they're pretty tiny. Did you chug it? What I like to do, I like to, uh, butt chug it. Yeaah. Personally, personally? Perfect! I butt chug it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allegedly. No, I like to mix it with, uh, like a 7-Up or like a sprite or something.


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[Assistant] Only because I like more fluid. Like I like to drink. I like the act of drinking. So I'm like, the fact that they're so tiny, I'm like, I need some more fluids. What are they, 10 ounces or something like that? No, they're like itty bitty little. They're like little airplane cans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know that, Adam? I know, I've been talking, I've been talking with them about that. We, we gotta, you know, hopefully in this next year, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The company explodes and we have money for, uhm, commercials and stuff.


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[Assistant] And is this gonna be like a real thing? Uh, or, or is it gonna be like, scripted? Is it gonna be a funny commercial? Or is it gonna be just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what they, they're saying with Can, is there, sorry, go ahead, go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I kinda came, I kinda came on the scene when I invested with these guys and was like, they sorta pitched me on that and how they're like trying to get people off drinking and on to uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, exactly. It's good man, you gotta ride the wave. If you drink it through your ass, it's all G. Yea, I told them that I like to butt chug it and mix it with vodka.


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[Assistant] There is something nice about, uh, it's more, I feel it's more like for people that don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, like, there's like hardly any calories in it. There's 30 calories in a can. So like, uh, and also there's a light that has 9 calories. So essentially, you can drink those and if you're not trying to put on weight, unlike drinking, and you can go to a party and still feel like you're part of the whole social aspect of, you know, getting fucked up.


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[Assistant] And laughing and fucking- I'm saying- I'm saying that's what they're selling it for. I'm saying I also love that next day when like-


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[Assistant] You then go out and with your, with your, like the crew that's still there the next day and you go get breakfast or whatever and you're like, and I can't believe you did that. And then like the one guy who like fell asleep in the neighbor's yard comes, he shows up, shows up to the breakfast spot and everybody's like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, he actually did die. He was really drunk and he walked into the freeway, so uhm.


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[Assistant] Dude, hey remember last night when, uh, you pissed yourself and it was just me and you? Hilarious. You opened up your dresser drawer and peed in it? Hey remember when me and you were, uh, were just watching Shark Tank and you got weirdly way too drunk and started telling me that you love me and, uh, that you never loved your mom? Yeah, dude.


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[Assistant] We're talking 22 year old hangovers. Yeaah, those are fun as fuck. Where it's like. Yeaah, those are great. A nice 19 year old hangover. Those are fantastic.


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[Assistant] Uh, pretty youthful. Like I feel like it took us, uh, a long time when other friends of ours are like married by 23 and have kids by 25.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think we did, we, uh, we did a good job of hanging on to, uh, to our youth. I think, hey, for anyone listening, that's maybe 21 or 2, don't get married until you're in your 30s, and keep drinking and partying with your friends. Give me a hell yeah! Okay? So taper it off.


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[Assistant] That's really cool that you can do that. If you see neighborhood cars and you feel the need when you're drunk that you have to fight them?


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[Assistant] That's my shit. Yeah, then maybe you do have a problem and maybe you should taper off the drinking. Yes. Yes. Thank you, Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Kyle, you got a lot of emotions always just bubbling like right beneath the surface. Like something's always happening just that you're not, you can't quite grasp. I feel like that's what it is. But this isn't, this isn't just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean I have before I wouldn't say that it's it was like a thing that I did all that often like I've been in fights with my friends. I mean like


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[Assistant] I mean, I did do that one time when we- me and you got in a fistfight over Thanksgiving, and it was just like- Yes, that was the worst. We both just like beat the shit out of each other. Mostly you beat my ass, I believe. And I- I remember being like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there was that one time, but I mean that wasn't like a, and also I was 22 years old when that happened. Like I was, you know, 21 or 2. I think that's peak.


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[Assistant] I would love to throw this to the fans. Ders, what's up? Ders has never cried ever.


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[Assistant] I also didn't have, I mean, I guess it would be Kyle. Uh, I don't remember him crying a whole lot. I remember him like,


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[Assistant] Getting like, boiling mad and not being able to explain why he's so mad, and he's just like, YOU GET IT!


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[Assistant] Uh, no, they, uh, because it was just because of like a girl, you know, and that used


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[Assistant] That's valid, that's valid. Yeah, there was, and that was one experience, uh, and that's the only time I remember...


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[Assistant] At some point in your youth, if you drink alcohol, you're gonna have some kind of emotional outburst, whether that's crying or you're just like,