[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is our sport. You're not part of it, Ders. You're too tall. You're six foot three. You're a big man. You're out. This isn't your sport. If you, if you were more athletic, you could be in the NBA, but you're not, okay? Yeah. What are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just said, I said eight feet. Eight feet? Then you just have big man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my knees would explode, my hip would shatter, my groin would tear in half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Blake is always in cosplay. Either he's dressed as like a cool rock and roll dude or a skater. That'd be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, so, who's that guy from The Bear? I will let you. Fit, funny actor. Jeremy, uh, Alan White, or what was that guy's name? You know, The Bear? Tim Allen. Yes, he's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, he's hot. That new show, The Bear. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Are you trying to look like him now? Because he's wearing a lot of tank tops lately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've noticed, and he's considered the hot boy, and I could see, I could see. Bro, we need paparazzi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, I think you're way more handsome than him, Blake. I think you're way hotter. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. He's more brooding. You're just like a more likeable funny guy. He's more like that intense. Yeah, I wanna hear what... Right. You know how women like guys that seem like they, uhm, are mean? Are gonna kill themselves?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know if you want to hear his deep thoughts. I think he's like standing on the edge of a cliff and you have to talk him down. And if you talk him down and then he marries you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or he dates you, he'll fuck your brains out. And that's why I think women like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It starts with the hair, I'll tell you what, it starts with the hair. It starts with- I don't- and none of us- none of us have that, Blake. None of us- Yeah, it's okay. Uuuh. None of us have the brooding, like, tough guy. Uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You punch through a wall and then the next day you have to like dry wall it up and repaint the room. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, after, yeaah, he kinda makes, I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. And, uh, Now you want to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and he does a really great job, uh, on that show too. He was always a super, really nice guy. And, uh, it's good to see him do as well as he's doing. And he's great on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, we're not in charge, Ders. We can't just put him on the bear. Like, we're, yeah. Dude, Ders. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just barf in this bag. Geez, dude. I haven't gotten sick like that in like since you're a kid. That's, that's wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right. It's like very cold, blue eyed, blonde hair, kind of beautiful, stern, beautiful people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oslo. Yeah, so were people kind of, uh, cold? Everyone minds their business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa! My people! A home! Uh, alright. Yeah, that seems like a derse thing, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No man, I will throw up. Yeah dude, I mean, all, all food, if you just go like, all food's delicious, just, then, then it is, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how, that's how, uh, living in Berlin was like. It was like, we were like, wanna seek out, like, real German food. Right, it's tough. And the couple times we did, we were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I ordered like the beef whatever and it was just a bowl of soup with like beef in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And have you ever been to Italy, Blake? Or just briefly you went to visit Kyle when he was shooting in Monaco, right? Yes, I went to Italy and it was- Or not Monaco, to Lake Cuomo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the fact that you've never been to Italy is, is kind of bizarre. I feel like that needs to be your next vacay. Yeah, what's up? It is, uh, it's my favorite place for sure, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, did, I mean, what was it like traveling with all the kids? Was that just sort of mayhem?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit, like. Cause they don't give a shit about any...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they don't give a shit about any culture, so they're not like, they're just like, oh, an old place, cool. Like, do they care?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Hehehehe, a little funky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems kind of nuts to take three kids all the way over there. Did you come?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole time where you're like, God, we're so American. Like, shut up. We're so loud right now. No one else is loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's, it's almost as, we have militias, right, but like obviously not everybody's in a militia, like, and you don't really know anyone that's in a militia, but you know that they're there and they live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So drill music, Blake, explain that to me, cause I don't really know, they just call people out, what do you mean, being like, Blake's a bitch, fuck him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the police like listen to this and go like, okay, well now we- Yes. Well that seems stupid though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then it ends up being real and then these guys end up going to prison. Uh, some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So was it just you and Emma? Did you have anyone else? Did you have anyone else there to help take care of the kids? Cause I feel like that's the move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but there's like a lot of, like, whatever happened to that serial killer that he like had multiple like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like torture chambers underneath his house. That guy that looked exactly like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ten years ago. Yeah, so it was a Saw movie, Saw movie underneath his house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders looks exactly like him. Yeaah. Yeaah, exactly like him. Yes, exactly like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, hey, no more doors for you, buddy. Yeah, that's the one place he's banned from. You're banned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I'm, I'm sorry for anyone that like, uh, is a musician. Uh, I'm sorry that Blake's trying to steal your, your style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your skateboard, rock and roll, comic con?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, then it's, it's like, it's like being a Christian or it's like being a Catholic. You just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you talk to the priest and say, Hey, I did a ton of nasty shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love, please Liquid Death, send me some stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are teachers allowed to be like stoned now since like weed is legal? Can teachers just show up freaking stoned?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I used to have teachers that rolled in smelling like booze all the time. Maybe now they roll in smelling like the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like a kindergarten teacher could be stoned probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, that was weird. That like scared me. Yeah, she was like painting glue on her face. I remember being like kinda frightened by that scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It did have scary parts like the clown, the dead clown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just have a pair of roller blades that are tied together by the shoelaces and I just keep them on my shoulder. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude, they're terrible. They make your ankles feel like they're gonna snap every second you're in them. They're bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, are those the rollerblades with the ratchets? Straps instead of the laces?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Kyle and I, we were, we were indoor hockey players, so it was all laces, no ratchets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, okay, so this is what it was, is like, your brother, we were all very hammered at the workaholics house. Baby nooch. Was this pre or during workaholics? It was pre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, but barely, but barely. Like a little before, barely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for anybody who knows Baby Nooch, he's built like a frickin' tank. But he's one of the most agile men you'll ever meet. Almost like Beast from the X-Men. You're just surprised at the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, Kyle does have good dexterity. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, okay, okay, but, but Baby Nooch was a goalie in hockey. Like, he was, he could do the splits, he was like just, he was dope, he was actually really, really good. But one day, you know, it was years out from him, from us playing together, he was still claiming he could do, like, the splits proper. So we had the idea to prove


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it will leave a mark on the floor of your, of your test clothes. Like it'll stamp the ground and then we'll have the proof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know how this can be proven very easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My boy stamped the floor and that yellow paint stayed on the floor for the rest of the days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the one with Mel Gibson, where Mel Gibson, like, is in like a, like has a deformed face and like the kids are afraid of him and then like he falls in love with the, with like the neighbor or like their mom. Do you remember that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best movie ever. She had no face! Yeah. Born without a face. It was so good. That was a great film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not at 425 exactly, but it was, yeaah, it was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, five, five years later, smoke has settled? It's dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's adult. No, it's adults. It has to be adults, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, John and Kate Plus Eight. Legendary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know Adam, you have to revisit her line of work because she was very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm playing the voice of the audience. There is a possibility that people listening just think that's a superhero name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I stand with Lex. Oh no, maybe not. I don't know. I haven't looked at what that dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in the guild, Kyle. Kyle, you're in the guild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are the people who tell you what you should do? Shooters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I think that's the official name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew when you guys were saying, I was like, that's not clicking as what I was thinking, but guidance counselor. What a cool job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm just saying, if you can come up with a terrible idea about a man in some sort of position of power, yes, it has been abused. It has. Well for sure, but why in the news?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to tell you right now, brother, you're going to work at the waterslides. See ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Adam is pointing out the fact that in a lot of news stories there's female teachers who are getting busted for sleeping with their...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How, how close are they allowed to get to it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you never get to meet the person or personality or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they don't get to answer a question kind of like love connection where they're like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're reaching a point where dating shows are getting really wild. Did you ever see that one on Netflix where it was like they made you up like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, uhm, it was like prosthetics, like lizard people and like big like, but not plushy like. Their mouths could move and all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes sense. Probably isn't called that. We're probably wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Todd, make that my, please make that my intro on, on the pod, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I feel like with jokes like that, at least when I was a kid, like even watching like Naked Gun or Ace Ventura when he like gets fucked by the first, yeaah, in the first scene, I didn't know what was happening at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's gonna be weird when, you know, they're, they turn 30 and 28 and they're like, yo, remember when you made us watch that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still remember it very well. What I really wanted to go to bed and you were like, no, you have to stay up. That is something that stuck with me for a very long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't that like start up? Yeah. Isn't it like the samurai scene?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in the skyscraper and it's just like some dude like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a katana, and doesn't he like cut some dudes stomach openers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I'll go, I'll go with the first rated R movie I ever saw. Ders, you're going to like my answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna get you sucka. It was my first rated R movie and that is a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're under oath. You want me to, you want, why do we have to real talk this? What is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put it in a Ziploc bag and then I'll put the part of the Ziploc bag in my mouth. Okay. And kind of like taste it and then I'll smell at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Cameron being the animals and like right there next to him and they're just like in this space and he's like using this giant head to be a placeholder to like sniff him and smell him or whatever and then it's fucking sick dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You waited in line for the sex show? You fucking creep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, now we're coming in. I was about to say we're coming in kind of lukewarm here, and then, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Masticulate. What's the freeze part though? What's the freeze part?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so you were, you were backed up. The freezing is constipating. Is that what that is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what that is? Yeah, I would imagine I would be more like in Adam's camp. Mhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were thinking about it. You were thinking about what people would be thinking, what the angle is. No, he's trying to say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, Blake put that up. I think Blake, was that in yours Blake, in your 10 post?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, the costumes, Adam, I don't know why you would ever wear anything else than that king's outfit for the rest of your days. I thought you'd pull up today wearing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's kind of comical to see him dress as a king. It's like, alright. But for you, it's like, that's right on. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was perfect. Everybody saw it and said it was a perfect fit, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe when they came up with the pictures of the Bacchus, when was that? When did they start cartooning this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if that's what they do, yea, if that's what they do is they dress Bacchus's every year, and this was the one, and they're like, you're it. Like that means something, that means something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, they weren't ahead of that. They're like, people before were sore. So we've actually made the guy three steps higher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A robot hand, thank you. A robot hand? I have a, I have like a, I have a three foot grabber, and my son has like a one and a half foot little toy grabber too. Kyle, you're Bacchus next year, you're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably. What do you mean? He has a dueling parade out there? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh guys, tell me how Mardi Gras works. My grandmother loved it. My grandmother loved Mardi Gras. She always told me about how much fun she had in Mardi Gras. Release the twins. Oh boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I can imagine that as soon as they whipped out, phones just go WHOOSH.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're not talking about, like, uh, little shooters. It's so sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just remember going for, uh, only like 48 hours for house party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She left and was like, I'm going to just be part of this thing. And everyone's like, how do we do this now? Our production experience in New Orleans was, uh, a handful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or that's Adam Devine, yeah. That's a cool flick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Legendary. What night was the fuckin' peak? What, like, did you guys progress properly or how do we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people can sit there, buy tickets and be like, Oh yeah, sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Mike Hart. Mike Love. Mike Love. Mike Ra- Mike Rao.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What song were you moshing to? Wouldn't it be nice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God only knows. Dude, wish they all could be California girls. California girls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never, you know when I was a kid I never understood that song. What do you mean? I didn't get it. Oh really? I got it. Why didn't he switch it to New Orleans?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because, Duke. Because the song is California Girls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Look at Adam, a man of the people. But actually sing it though. Ada- California, New Orleans? I don't know man, it might sound a little weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish they could all be California girls, like, that got rid of all the, the farmer's daughters or whatever the fuck it was, the East Coast girls and made them California girls. I didn't realize he was saying, I wish they could all be here in California. Oh, you thought it was like some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you, did you realize that's what it was? I'm just, my mind's being blown right now. I'm kind of like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I just never really gave a thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohhhh. Yeah, because it's like, with the way they talk, they keep their boyfriends out at night. Wait, so no one, no one knew this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohhhh. Or he wishes California's spirit was everywhere. Or he's doing that. So this guy's like a horny old dude. Yuck. Oh yeah. He's dead, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were like, yo, are you from here? What the fuck? Sorry. Sorry dawg. This is what I wanna know. I want these moments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where'd you put your clothes that you were wearing? What happened to those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Noooo. Wow, you really lived that life, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just throw t-shirts away? Damn, you just left them on the ground in the fucking jail? Your t-shirts are like $5,000. Yeah, he's got $5,000 t-shirts he's just tossing out. I'm still gonna send it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. But like jazz, jazz jam bands?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just a jazz, that's just a jazz band, no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but he's saying jam band and that to me is like, fish. And I'm like, really? So they're playing like that kind of music there as opposed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And DM's from people you know, or just strangers and you're like, gotta just follow my nose. Gotta follow my nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look at, by the way, I do love if like the old lady walks out, throws her titties over her shoulder, shows over and just limps away. And then you, you look in the door and there's just like 12 dudes exhausted on the ground. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is where I need to go. This is where I need to go. It was the Eastern European porno with like the dudes in the room who just fucked through the hole. Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Water is ice, dude. Ice has water in it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's important to let the people know all of Bacchus. That's your groove!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I'm proud of Bacchus. I love Bacchus still. It doesn't change anything to me. Thanks Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, you, if people are trying to shake your hand and you're like, I'm dragging ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, Darren Criss is the guy who's the mix of all three of us, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that right? Wait who's Darren Criss? I don't know who this is. I found a picture of him that looks like we all had a baby and it's him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is that your go-to food of choice when you're in the islands?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a wet sandwich? Is it, or is it pretty dry? Oh. A shrimp po' boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like a wet, wet juicy, uh, yeah. Shrimp's gotta be a little wet though, doesn't it? I feel like shrimp carries a lot of water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect! We know how you feel about those. Yes, po' boys rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what you said to Chloe who was standing in the bathroom with you? That's not okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, what's cool is there's a couple out there that does that and you know they throw down. Oh yeah, they're fun. They're a fun couple. Hey bitch, uh. Where's my bitch? Bitch, get in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you could get it hard bitch, I'm listening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And hopefully it spurs like a renaissance of movies that fucking go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just very like how, very like how a bear would probably do it and take their shit and then amped, amped up. Do you guys, do you watch that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instagram, there's an account on Instagram called Nature is Metal. Do you guys know about this? Oh yeah, huge fan of Nature is Metal. I think I've heard of it. Oh, it's just fucking brutal. Like, there's so many brutalities that happen in nature. It's like, fuck. So it's videos of animals killing people or other animals?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, video of the turtles eating the mice and the fuckin'... Oh yeaah. Oh yeaah. Oh, right! I mean that's, that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda, I mean they're saying metal and I'm thinking that's gotta be the video that started it all, right? I think it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly the archetype of what this has expanded from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dang, he blew the wad for the end of the pod. No man, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did. Uh, this is a long time ago, right? This was when we were shooting House Party. This dude came out like, you must have been, you were on fire when we were shooting House Party though. Oh yea. You know, like you were out till fucking, I don't know if you slept when we were making it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we got, we got the Bounce Queen of New Orleans coming in to do a video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just take, and we don't have a lot of time to shoot it, so it's like get the energy go, Adam, and Adam, when you start up, it goes. Yeah. Probably did like four takes of it, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the 90s, around 95, we had a sea chain. Derivative of... It's New Jersey House, uh... Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bounce music scholar. Right. Right. It would be fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's doctor, that's, that's doctor John. Oh dude, do you remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's on like, they have so many great, uhm, street performers in New Orleans, like everywhere, like Royal Street? Royal Street is straight up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though, I feel like there's an infrastructure, and by the way I'm talking on my ass, but I feel like there's an infrastructure in New Orleans for those people, and 30 years after being the crazy person playing jazz in the back of like a fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Donut shop. Everyone's like, you know that's the realest dude here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that I have, I have the lyrics to California Girls up right here and there is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're almost there. The west coast has the sunshine and the girls all get so tanned. I dig a French bikini on Hawaiian island dolls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must be in the way that he phrases it. That makes sense, because I butchered it. Okay, here's the key. I've been all around this great big world and I've seen all kinds of girls, yeaah, but I couldn't wait to get back in the States, back to the cutest girls in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then that's it. Then it just repeats that. And then it just repeats that. Both those verses get repeated? And then it just repeats, I wish they could all be California girls. So it- Hey, and that's why they were so successful. Just the simplicity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's, he's saying that American girls are, he wants American girls to be California girls. Right? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get it, bro. Hyperice. Sponsor. Yeah, I got a lot of Hyperice going on over here. Hyperice, send us some shit, Hyperice. Please, Hyperice. I want those leg things. I want the leg sleeves. Oh, I got them. The Normatex? I got that. Dude, I got that. You have them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shout out. How in the heck is everybody? How's everybody feeling? Nicholas! Shout out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're getting your strike infor- yea, if you're getting your information here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's cool, Adam. There's a typewriter out there that people go to and you type a message of love. Right, Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yes. That's Joseph Stalin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Well, that's kind of which loops back to the WGA. That was kind of the quote that came from the bro. Which, which bro was it that gave the evil quote where it's like, oh, they'll come back. They love their job. They do this because they love to write. They love to be creative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, very recently for this strike they were like don't worry it won't last long because eventually these people love to write and be creative so much that they will, they'll come crawling back if we just, just wait it out. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said buried or married in an American flag? Oh, I thought he had a sick American flag suit on when he got married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, dude! That's crazy. Nobody knew you found them? No. No. He hasn't told anybody yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this is what death becomes-ers about. She's actually really young. She has a serum.


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[Assistant] Go ahead, tee yourself up and fucking knock it out of the park, brother.


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[Assistant] No? People were, I feel like people were ugly back in the day.


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[Assistant] Zero. Zero. That I know of. Honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't act- I also just don't think my family is good about talking about their past. I think they just don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's probably like a pretty good chance that like, or wrestlers, pro wrestlers, I feel like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take it back. I take it back. My entire, three of my uncles made up demolition, the triple tag team. Yeah, those were my uncles. Demolition in WWF.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The podcast, like I was like, while you, while you guys were going through your rigma rule, I was like, uh, let me, let me text my mom and she said, yeah, sure enough, uh, demolition from WWF. Those are my uncles. Sure enough. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Howard the Duck costume. That movie's a trip, dude. It's a really good movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jers, this is a moment where I think that we as friends know this very well, but I don't think all of the world knows that Howard the Duck has


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude, it's unprecedented. These are really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Duck titties. Dude, derz, derz level duck titties, okay? Like, these duck titties are insane. Whoever made the cup, they're bodacious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're crazy. These are, these are upper level duck titties. Like whoever made this duck suit was on one because the Ariel


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I saw that as a kid, I lost my shit. I rolled my J bro. Was that the first time you rolled your J? Yea dude, right there. You're looking at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yes, he is. He's, he's in the background of uh, I believe Guardians of the Galaxy, because Howard the Duck was a Marvel property.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have not. Haven't seen it. Not gonna see it. You know what I saw? That was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I saw Dungeons and Dragons. I liked it! I liked it a lot! Uhh, I bet it was tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all Chris Pine, man. That guy is fucking charismatic. Dude, I- so hot. He's so hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chris Pine, Chris Pine. We, we, we, we pivoted, we pivoted. There are a lot of hot Chris's right now. All the- There's a lot of hot Chris's in the space right now. Uh, but there's Chris Pine, Chris Pratt, and who's Captain America? Chris Elliott.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my Chris. Why nobody think about that heart Chris, huh? That's an awesome Chris. Wait, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna go see the Super Mario Brothers movie. I got super high and watched, uhm, Mouth of Madness or whatever. Oh, I saw that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Movies are really hard to follow. Movies are so hard to follow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you didn't like Mario Brothers? Was it kind of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, uhm, it's just a lot of, uh, it's a lot of go-karting, I found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the first super crazy movie, like kids movie? When did it kick off? Toy Story was not super complex. Hell is simple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Inside out, was that the emotion one? I feel like the emotions one was like. Yeah, that's inside out. Yeah, that one was pretty hard to follow, I feel. I feel like that one was, was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was just conceptually, like, like, it was hard to explain to a child, but it was a kid's movie. But it was like, how do you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uhm, uh, it was just, it was rough. It was, it was a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never saw it. I'm sorry. And that's it? You've seen three Marvel movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can skip that one. One is, one is way better. Three, three I bet is sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't go to movie theaters. I watch movies, I just don't go to movie theaters. Why not? You don't like the experience?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to watch at my house. It's not that I'm not supporting the art. I like to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if they put, what if they put live sports in movie theaters?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are dope. All the, all the Spiderman's are, all the Spiderman's are worth a watch. All the Captain America's are worth a watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beetlejuice, you could spend time in the sandworm world and it could be really crazy or go like way crazy underworld.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a musical right now, Beetlejuice the musical, at Pantages, and I would love to go with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I started watching it last night. Riiiight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've only watched the first episode, he's a funny doofus guy. Like, it's not a bad thing, a doofus isn't bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think he's a doofus. I don't think he's a doof. Well, watch the first episode. He's kinda doofy. He's like, James Marsden, that's what he was in, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I meant like a, like a lovable, lovable doofus. Just kinda just going with it. Nice guy though. Great guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, but they usually do, Kyle's right, I'ma stand up for him, they usually do like casted shows now, they do the whole cast, but you guys are actually bringing on your family members. Yes, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know why Kyle's acting like this. Why? Je- Jealous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, I'm going wild. Perhaps you saw people living their truths, and you were like, woah, like maybe...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing I will suggest, Kyle, since you've been out of the game for so long, and I'm guessing, what, you had like all breast of chicken or something? All breast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what I would do if I were you. I would jump all the way in the fire. Like why don't you get like steak, get a cheesesteak. Just pitch that, just pitch that. I'm saying get your whole tummy gurgling guts. So you get the most like epic like steak, steak shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll take off fish sticks. I love a good fish stick. Very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm also on another list, and this is a number one, and it's also in New York. It's called Peter Luger Steakhouse. That's given number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam's a knife guy. Woah. So they have kind of like little dents. It looks like it's been through like a hailstorm or something. That's kind of cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I led you guys on a little, uh, wild goose chase, but what you really do is you go to your nearest farmer's market and there's usually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A knife sharpener there and they will get your knives real nice for you. Real nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, I wa- I'm trying to put this link in the chat because I found $45 night vision glasses, like- That's what I'm talking about. And they are fucking cool, but the normal price for like a good pair of night vision goggles is $7,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yellow's the hottest everyone, for those wondering if... Yellow's the hottest, red is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something that was happening where... I mean, maybe...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's about giving people, it's about giving...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hate speech a platform or whatever. That's what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, hate speech is not allowed in, in the United States of America. I believe they tear down like if you have a like hate speech website or anything, the government takes that down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I believe hate speech, there are laws against hate speech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and right on time. Well, what's really about his speeches, but how?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, it's uhm, it's, I mean, it's all very interesting, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's where we kinda ran into trouble is that's the thought we all had and then we didn't realize that we're all not on the same page. So you start to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, it's, it, it hurts to see a family member become a buffoon. It's not cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like the breasts. Yeah, I do the frog kick. Let's goo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They knew from online? Yeaah. Uhm, for sure lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, trust me, when you have a kid, you're gonna need to take a couple long drives by yourself, alright?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about this, it's dark blue with like a blue flame, like a baby blue flame on the side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, me too. Dude, honestly, I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is his character work. You know, when you're a bad guy, character, you never see yourself as the villain. You never see yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Return to Oz is the one with like TikTok. That is so scary. I think that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, that movie actually raised me. Yeah, that's super whoop.


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[Assistant] Look, if you don't understand the supply chain of this green wash, you're a dumb phone, you video doorbell. Go microgrid yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on the cam for the YouTubers. Okay, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hangnails are the worst. Yea, cause you're just running for like 200 miles or whatever and then your nail starts rubbing, rubbing, rubbing sooner or later after mile 70 or whatever. Cracks off, you're bleeding, you're dealing with that. You're getting closer to God. You're running from your problems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your boobs are huge. Right, cause you're out there for a long time, your jersey gets sweaty, and it's the material. And I know you got some sharp dogs. Sharp ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went from showing our feet to this? Perverted!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. This is hot. This is hot shit. Well, so would you consider getting those, cause they're heinous, they're gross, right? And it would- Well, you're saying these are fake toenails that you install.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do it every year. It's a whole, like, segment on the Today Show or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's for sure the sort of, uh, side, it's the side hustle to LARPing on Gallentine's Day. You know what I mean, guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, if you don't understand the supply chain of this green wash, you're a dumb phone you video doorbell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be another one. It must be taste. I feel like if you said that to a youngster, they'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] White America to the value of the rear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all elbow meats and cankles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cool to be, if we are the first ones off Google, to be like, we started it. So in 50 years, when people are like, doing something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's going through the FDA right now. It's gonna take a minute, but just give us your money now. Give it. And, uh, we're not gonna Elizabeth Holmes you. We might.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's a now, or I don't know if she's, she would, became a billionaire because she started this company that basically said it could do all these blood tests in one little box and it would be like super fast, super easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ma-Mater le- and hey, R.I.P. R.I.P. Batman the animated series voice, uh, guy. Just died today. Not to date this. That is true, damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people say, 10-1. So obviously what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you guys coming down, uh, tonight? Are we gonna go on a party bus together? What's the deal? Did you guys? I wouldn't say I'd be coming. I'm gonna meet you guys at Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I love the yellow wolf drop.


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[Assistant] He says, if you wanna take a trip up here, Adam, I'll send you to my guy.


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[Assistant] And just as an all, just as an all hands on dick situation. Good job, good job. Please, let's get all the hands on dick. Points! Let me, I just want to send you to my guy to see if he can do it because he is absolutely the most painful magician of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd actually be a cool thing to talk about it at length about how bad it is and then do it anyway and kind of chart how you go from here.


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[Assistant] Go straaaight to McDonald's to like, to protein load. Well, we're protein loading.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to get some Shamrock Shakes, then we're going to hit the awards show and watch your brothers get some trophies. And every year I'd be so stoked sitting there in the audience like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they're mint. It's, uh, St. Patrick's Day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that's after the winter sports awards night in the city of Evanston, shout out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought this a couple years ago for like a Halloween situation. Haven't really worn it that much, but uh, cause the glitter comes off and goes all over everything. Yeah, that's a fucking nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They put YouTube on the map for like people looking for content, right? Do you think YouTube...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, whoa, and then my clay face turned into like a big giant dick. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you guys remember about Gallagher besides the watermelon? Gallagher had a brother who would perform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, yeaah, you think this show's funny, but they're huge polluters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the hard-hitting cues. Uh, yeah, well, not like, I don't think you can learn to be actually funny. I think you can learn the math of comedy. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think you can- I don't think you can be naturally- If you're not naturally funny, you can't just be naturally funny. Uh, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there are closeted funny people for sure. There's people who don't realize how hilarious they are. And I feel like all of us have had, have friends that I feel like we were the more putting ourselves out there to be funny people and then- Desperate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, you'd always have a best friend or another friend of yours that was secretly very funny but didn't let that light shine upon them. Right. Right. Classic friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Well you know, you gotta wash them. That's what you want. That's what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, they, but they pour like a silicon goo and it's a perfect mold of like a vagina or a butthole. Not that kind of mold. Perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all Blake's home decor, but Chloe found this giant box and was very weirded out, but they'd given us these boxes and I was thinking, oh, I'm going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, Kardashian cousin, like a person that I don't even know about, what, what that person does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, dude. Whatever works. And I like, I like that for you, I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't see that coming for you, but I like. You were, dude, you were in last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And most, and it's like three, it's three advertisements for deodorant and then like one pinup model.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, magazine for rich people. Ders put me onto it. Ders like, ooh, of course. Way back in the day, he was like, dude, I like to look at Robert Port and he would like showed me one and it is just like, it's insane shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was your first foyer into Robert Paul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Really? You had those? You were a subscriber to Dog Fancy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, I like that about being a child, you like, you don't have any idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember boys, boys life. Do you guys remember boys life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, dude, I, I already, I'm gonna give him flowers at the end of this episode. Boys Life Magazine. Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember. I remember. Okay, I don't remember that even a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I mean that is cool, and I do see that. I can see them wanting to take us down a peg or two. We're flying too high. They're like, fuck these guys. This guy, yea, you think this show's funny, but they're huge polluters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Totally Fine is the name of the movie. I'm totally fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. No, it's a mystery. It's a dice roll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he's working with some long, long stringy strands. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well lawyers, there's a lot of like really like shady lawyers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's not like the cream of the crop. It's not like, if you... Your boobs are huge. ...killed someone, you wouldn't call the guy with the long hair to be your lawyer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, after watching that documentary, did you guys feel, I felt, and I never feel this way, I'm always-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, the series. The series, yes. But that Netflix series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't- Well, no, sometimes you just give the fuck up. Like, if it's too...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was very well done, but it was like, that's another thing, I'm like, how is this motherfucker, he should have been caught so quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not anymore. Well no, now it's very easy. The difference is that it used to be like serial killers would just go one by one over the course of like 10 years and kill 20 people. Now they go into a fucking school with a gun. You know what I mean? It's a different- Right, but you're getting caught.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder what the coolest, cause I'm sure in Lawyer World, I love when we talk about things we know absolutely nothing about. Zero. I'm sure in Lawyer World, there is like, the party college. Oh, like, you know what I mean? Like, there's like, there's like, yes, I don't think there is. You will get a law degree, but if you go to Arizona State,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, maybe, maybe, but I'm pretty school, sure. But even if you, cause they're smart, they're smart people that fucking party their faces off. You know what I mean? Like, my, a buddy of mine from high school got a 34 on his ACT's and if you talked with him, you're like, this guy's thick as fuck. He can't even put a sentence together. And he would just, he drank like a fucking fish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but see if you're an entertainment lawyer you can have cool long hair. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if he's like a, a, a DUI lawyer where you're like, yeah, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think that they could, if they wanted to, they could have, it would be more of a slicked back, long hair vibe, a wet look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let it rip. It's way, it's way too long. It would never air on television. That, that length. That would be such an expensive commercial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, and I love that. What food am I? Like, if you're just a ham.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I would've gone something more California specific. Okay. I would've gone like your- By way of Iowa. Your human guacamole. Stop. Your human guacamole. That's what I would've said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you say peel down all the time to your sons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I was talking about how I saw him at a party and was too scared to talk to him even though I'm in that show with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, literally the season, the premiere had just happened, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Intimidating, but scary is like... He's fuckin' Gordon Gekko, dude. He's like an intimidating, scary guy. I mean, not scary, I don't think he's gonna fuckin' murder me, but I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in, I mean, in Falling Down, he's like, uh, Gordon Deco is Wall Street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Robert Duvall is also a really key part in that. I always wanted to see the comedy version. I was always like, I wish this was the same movie, but 30% funnier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what other movies would you really know him? The Game. From The Game? He's pretty fucking intimidating in that movie. Basic Inc.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well maybe he's just one of those guys that slid through the cracks for you and he's been famous forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever our manager's assistant calls and goes, hey, uh, I have Isaac and all the guys on the phone. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it's not on Paramount+, you drop the ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love, I love TII Nation. It's always like, uhm, they tell you they watch, they listen to the podcast or watch the podcast like it's a secret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda sick. Oh, there's a lot of people like that. There's people that they, like Netflix is the only thing that they consume. I've gotten that multiple times. People that are like- But that just feels like people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. I stand by that scene. People- I know, I can't do it without it. People, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's so fucking good. I love it! And you also have to- I feel like our tolerance of seeing male penis is higher than some people's. Like some people's are like, BWAH! WHAT?!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mostly dudes, and some women are like, I can't, it's disgusting, aah. Right, right, right, right. It's weird when people are so grossed out or weirded out about it. I'm like- Bro, Puritans. That means that you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wanna fuck dudes. Or like, it's like, it does something sexually to you. It turns you- Oh, if you don't like it so much. Right, right, right. It's just pure- Yeah, that you like hate it so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, someone like hates gay people too much, you know what I mean? They're like, UGH, WHAT?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, let's get into it. Let's get into it. Polycharged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's laugh at it. Right. Laugh at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I pulled my dick out not, not to be ogled and ogled, because that is the funniest thing in that situation to have happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Blake, where are you going? Dr. Ken has the funniest cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's been, that I remember seeing on, on, on, in a movie or a television show. In hangover? In hangover. What was fun?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a quail egg. Yeah, it was the best. And also, good for him. Put it out there. Bird egg. He got a quail egg cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was his real penis. Maybe I'm wrong. Me too. That's even cooler of him to, if he has like a regular sized cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should have given it a little Caesar do. Oooooh, and Edgar. Yea, I should have given it like a little mustache. Like, uh, Alex with three X's really put some time into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did flames and more colors. Oh, that's right. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then when they, cause we talked about me doing a prosthetic cock, but then they told me that it would make my dick look bigger. And then I'm like, well that's weirder than just showing my dick. Then, then, then suddenly I just have this big ass cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quite the run. He really is a good guy. He, I remember when he was on, uh, uh, house party when he was 19 years old and he was just the nicest kid. That was his first time on television. On, on, on Adam Devine's house party. Yeah, that was his first time on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. And, uh, yeaah. I got him plugged. That's right, he had come in from New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What uh, what city was this in? This was the season one of House Party in Los Angeles. Oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's some bones. And these houses were kind of, kind of hilarious McMansions, which was exactly what we wanted for the show, but, but P, P was the man. He's, he's, he's a good kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long ago, how long ago was that, Adam? When did we shoot that? What years was that? Dude, that was 10 years ago. That was 2013. Oh, wow. 1492. Why do they call them...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was always- Yeah, so how's Mark? That was a cool grocery store, man. Heather Graham was in there. Bette Midler was in there. Elizabeth Hurley. Who? What about Rodman? Did Rodman ever roll through on yours? Bette Midler. Uh, Rodman was in there. Kobe Bryant came through. Damn. I cut him meats. Oh yeah, you used to cut meats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. I was, I was a bagger and then I worked my way up and was, uh, uh, a sandwich artist in the Delicatessen. The boars had quality meats, dawg. Oh, delicious. Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, the workaholics movie, it's not going on paramount plus. We have some downtime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to use this time to become morbidly obese. So I am willing to eat all the boar's head, all the cheese, all the delicious meats that they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, if we, if we were on set, we would have, we would have time to kind of bat that one around, see like, cause that wordplay's really not working, how you're doing it now, but if we were on set, we would have the time to really hammer that out, and that's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, is it in the show? Is it in the show? If you don't know Chorg...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please do yourself a favor and look it up. And is it like easily look-uppable?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't, you're right, it doesn't sound...


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[Assistant] So now that we essentially have our spring off, guys, what are we gonna get really good at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I wanna do? I wanna become a golfer. I really do wanna become a golfer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like all, all of my friends are golfing all the time. I have clubs. I'll golf with you. Yeah. Let's, let's take up golfing guys. I, I want to be those because that's a, for whatever reason, people just accept golfing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As like a thing that you can go do for four hours. And they're like, oh, he's golfing. But if you were to go like, I'm just gonna smoke weed and play video games, that's unacceptable. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, I feel like the wives, they, for whatever reason, wives in society,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allow golf to be a thing. Right. So let's do, let's get into that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm gonna go drink beers in, in- Yeah, I'm gonna smoke blunts and- Uh, on beautiful vistas at golf- Yeah. On golf courses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you're not in beauty. We're gonna be at the RIV. Yeah. You're like in a rec center or some shit. You're at an old folks home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's a few hundred dollars if it's like a nice, if it's a nice course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that. I looked at country clubs around my crib. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the- the nuts to join. Okay. Is it six hundred thousand dollars? No, it's not six hundred. No, it's less than that. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what's the, no, what's the buy-in? He's talking about the buy-in. No, the buy-in and then, and then there's like monthly dues and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's so much more than 120,000, but. It's, it's not that much more. It's 200,000. Uh, really? Which is a lot to me, Ders. It's a ton. Yeah, that's a lot just to join. Of course, but the Riv, the Riv is, I think, four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, well is that, I mean, is the Palisades nicer than the Newport Beach? But then I think it's 30,000 a month. But what you gotta do, you gotta


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I bet, I bet it's because there's a lot of money up there, I mean there's a lot of money in Newport Beach as well, but I think, I think that escaping the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles is more of a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause when I was looking, it was like. Yeah, so that's right in the wheelhouse. It seems like the nice ones are 250, 200, 160, 180.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a hot dog sweatshirt though. That seems like an insane amount of money to, then you still have to pay for golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was never the, uh, frisbee golf. I never went with the bag. I always just, either one or two discs. Yeah, me too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it, baby, and my orc. I'm totally down to live this life with you guys now. Let's become golfers. Let's do frisbee golf. Let's get way into hacky sack again. Real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, you're very good at that, Adam. Yes, okay, I'm rich. But the refrigerator game is on point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you're very good at it. And it's so nice. It's, it is my favorite thing about, I'm like, just always, always it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you would, uh, we're, yeah, we're old now, you can't just pound certain things, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a light bubbles, jam packed with nature's candy, no artificial flavoring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's still, I'm still dumbfounded that we're not currently shooting the workaholics movie. It's, it's, it's uh, beyond- It would be happening as this aired or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple weeks, couple weeks. No, we'd still be a couple weeks out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you should. Oh, that would be tight. You should just do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'd say even like eight thoughts. Oh, there's a new flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so I'm gonna be, I think by the time this airs, I'll be in Indonesia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think we're gonna stay on- we're gonna be like on the boat. I think we might like go to like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a dinner on some island at one point, but I have no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the weather, I'm looking at the weather, dude, it's, it looks like it's thunderstorms. Bomb cyclone. Yea, like, like air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might come back with like an ins- like an insane story, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be a news story. It might be a news story, yea. It might be a news story, yea. It could possibly be a news story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it's, it's for my friend's birthday party, and there's gonna be just a ton of us, uh, drinking and having fun on this boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snorkeling, as long as the weather's tight, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that does concern me. Yeah, we will see. That concerns me a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Chloe was kind of bummed when she was looking at the weather. She was like, ah, this, this might suck. And I'm like, well, if it's anything like the Bahamas, it was like the storm rolls in and it rolls right the fuck out. And it was kind of cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what I mean? Like, if you're able to hide from storms a little bit. Yeah, I like it. I would assume. I would assume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes you do, so far. I barely, I barely remember what Gilegids Island to begin with, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well I would've gone like, uh... Mission Impossible. Nick at Nite or some shit. That's where I saw all my old shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're hanging on by a thread nowadays. You used to be able to like, you're fat, but like, your whole body's hard to the touch. This girl looks exactly- You're a hard smoothie. This guy is Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm half man, half amazing. Blake is Gilligan. So which guy am I? I'm the skipper, is that what we're saying? Oh, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but his bangs are cutting, or they're swooping out from the front. Are you guys looking at something? Yeah, we're looking at Wikipedia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, they left from the Newport Beach Harbor. That was where they shot it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that, Durz, as our oldest friend, what was your favorite old show? Was it Gilligan's Island or was it... I got mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was very funny. It was very good. But Dick Van Dyke, uh, he was a comedy writer on the show. It was cool. I remember as a little kid being like, oh, you can just be a comedy writer and... I didn't like that show. Oh, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like 70's. No, that's not old enough. That's 70's. It's gotta be, it's gotta be before then. Oh, well that was my shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does seem weird. I think it's Netflix. Seems weird to me. It's uh, watch on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And apologies, any epic slams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, you do kinda look like Big Wet, Kyle. Did you see Big Wet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you look like Big Wet. Yeah, but you, I mean, you need to gain, uh, like five, five or six pounds. Yeah, five or six pounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good. How do you, yeaah, what does that even mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess there are freeze dryer machines, and you can just do it. Alright, hey, now we know. Alright, thanks. And that was another episode of... This is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, honestly, I mean, cause that's how I got, uh, the intern, was in the hotel room in New Orleans, super hungover, thinking it didn't matter, I wasn't gonna get it, and then they flew me


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, hang on, what? Uncrustables are frozen, right? So what do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta look this up. Can producers look up uncrustables? Cause now that you're saying it, I feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He unpackaged a Twinkie and then just put it somewhere, and it sat there for like six years, and it still was like squishy, and no animals had eaten it, no bugs had come for it, cause even bugs and animals were like, oh shit, player, what is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Space it out. Yeah, okay. Sometimes you gotta drink a six pack. Not every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The M&M's come in a box, so it's fancy!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a cool like, fucking, got it at some kitchen store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but who the fuck needs that? People are so needy to be fuckin', like, heard and responded to. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm saying that you, the, the, the thought that you have to do it, otherwise it's like a slight, it's like what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, you are Pauly Shore from Mancino Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Like if you see it, then hit a thumbs up so they know that you've copied that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, by the way, Game Changer is the, now you can do, you can swipe back for like, unread. Cause I would like read it and be like, I'll, I'll figure that out later. And then I forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be specific, just to let them know exactly what you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, but you can say and make it not formulaic and then it'll go, okay great, I'll do this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's all, that's all coming down the pike. It's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it would be, because if you just said this in the tone of workaholics, it would go, oh, so this stupid. You know, it knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, ooh, leave him hangin'. No, no, yeah, he sa- oh, he says it. He says it alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's always been your Achilles heel though, no pun intended. Like running-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Running is, uh, is hard on your body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, all three of you been to the doctor in the last two months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda made a joke about it on your Instagram, but I really have this question. Uhm, when you have the sand, you get out of the water and you run through sand and you have sand on your feet? It's all part of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are your sandy feet into shoes? And run?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would fuck me up so bad. Like running in shoes with sand. That would fuck me up so bad.


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[Assistant] Bro, honestly, I could be your personal doctor if you just let me crash on your couch, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't remember No Pigeons? That's kind of a deep cut. Sporty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huge Sporty Thieves fan? Kyle is Sporty Thieves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Dude, you know I can only play 15 seconds and I don't know if I can land on the chorus.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, we're talking about their Allen Street Cinema.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if she was. How would you spell Aquafina?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, yeaah, she's got a- she's got an album. Hold on. Oh, she has one called. She has one called.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, that was real rap for sure. Do you wanna hear Awkwafina? What? Her number one song is Marijuana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is a- Oh yes, yes, yes, I see what you're saying. He's on that track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna know it. You're gonna know it. As soon as I press play, you're gonna know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know the name of any album ever made, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two chains? You don't know what two chains is? He's tall, long hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, he rocks, he's got really cool, yeaah, his hair rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm a massive 2 Chainz fan. Absolutely. Massive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I think it's Drake. Now I think it's Drake. I think Drake really knows how to have fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, no, Drake finds ways to have fun. Remember when they like a helicopter? Well, this kinda sucks already, but remember he took a girl on a date at Dodger Stadium and just like had dinner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for people who don't know that story, like he had like a candle lit dinner, like on the field of Dodger Stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, stop canoodling and answer this question. Have you had- What? What are you saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, Outback used to have really good brown bread, but I feel like Outback kinda started slipping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bloomin' onion is the most famous appetizer in the last 20 years. Prove me wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, yeaah, I said, we're pulling up, I'm getting the ribs, I get the spiced apples, I get the fries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your boobs are huge. Wow, so they're saying they started it in 1970s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is basically our true crime pro-podcast where we find out and get to the bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the Dave Thomas biopic? Where's the Dave Thomas biopic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up with the, uh, the greatest last beer run or whatever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, Zac Efron. Why isn't, why, why isn't us, all of us in the movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, love Kingpin, my god. I mean, unless you go me, myself, and Irene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, man. I'm also- I feel like I've been- I feel like I've been chunking the whole damn time. I'm in a bad room. I'll never-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Burbank closed their doors. Oh man. Son of a bitch. I'm so sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and Durz tweeted about it, like with Mindy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I tagged on like, hey, their tater tots are actually pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright, let me think of a real resolution. I'm bad with resolutions. I've never made one that I stuck to. Ever. Even tried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You're not my 600 pound life, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, have you ever done an oxygen bar? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, do they actually stab you with a needle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say if it will take away my hangover, yes, you can fucking chop my head off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome back, happy new year. Hey, sign me up, I'm trying to be a frickin' EMT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was me. It's not Angels in the Outfield. It's Angels in America. That was, that was Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suggest everybody watches Infectomy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that you play if you can see it live or you can watch the HBO special which I believe Adam walked in on watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, you know which one mine was? This is a freakin' real poll. It was, uh, remember, whoop, there it is, by tag team, back again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell of a joke! You know, my mom thought that, uh, whoop, there it is, was whoop that ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what she thought, and she's like, I don't like this song. I mean, it is, it is, woop, day it is, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dadass. And maybe it is, by the way. After she said it, I'm like, maybe. Maybe she knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna know what the Saharie Hall is? I'll show it to ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sixth grade is so much different than fifth grade, in my mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, your dad wouldn't, wouldn't look at you or talk to you. That's a fucking, that will rock you. That will rock you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because sometimes when you ground kids in their room, like, that's their favorite fucking place to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't have a video game system and you try to play video games, you suck at them so bad that you just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, why did you- all you guys have knives though? You all had knives? Like a Swiss army knife? Yeah, what do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck it! But that was like, I was in college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] BB gun, but that's different from a knife. A knife is... What the hell are you gonna do with a knife?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a Boy Scout for one day, literally one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were tight. The whole, I think the whole reason I even joined was because like Hot Topic was selling like Boy Scout. You were like, yeah bro, that's sick. Were they really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they got busted, bro. They got busted. No, it for sure exist- well sh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chicken fingers? Can we get into this? Cause it's shaped like a finger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Portillo's franchisable? That's like a Chicago Italian beef spot or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I think Italian beef is fine, it's good, it's delicious, but like when I hear it, I don't go like, oh I gotta, I gotta get an Italian beef.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, Kyle, that's the whole thing about p-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like to get it delivered. If you're gonna go down that road, you're just getting it delivered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhuh, thank you. They delivered. That's their thing. It's tough. It's tough. But you still could- That's the whole thing about pizza. Pizza, pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well Adam, that's a great point. Since everything, since everything gets delivered now, are drive-throughs more empty at this point? Like people, cause people don't even leave their house. Hey, not, hey, not Keynes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. Well, not Cain. Well, they're an anomaly. Not Cain's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is everyone chunking right now or just me? I think you're the main chunker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure who's her dad. I can't. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aww man. I can't. Uh, first and foremost, uhm, I'll be recovering from the Malibu Triathlon that seems, I mean when this airs, it'll be weeks ago, but like, uh, that's Saturday, and then, my wife, very funny movie, uh, is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go ahead. Go, what's next? It is in Africa. Can you spell it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yea, Kenya's in Africa. She's going to see the great migration. She and her sister are taking, uh, their mom to, on safari for like her 70th birthday or something like that. How much? That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if I may, Africa's a continent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, she studied abroad in Senegal, so I think that's where she kind of, um, uh, That's her, that's her home base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For you to be Congo, for, is it too late to apologize? I don't want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so he played that one, what else? Okay, well, okay, this is not a closet. This is a bedroom. This is a bedroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what's fascinating, is that like, he's still a guy writing songs that women are singing, and if you go back and you listen to like, old songs about like, a woman who's singing certain lyrics about how she misses her boyfriend or whatever, and a guy wrote it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that kind of part of it, where Paul McCartney, it's like, hey man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wrote this smash hit for this person, so we're gonna give you one for that person, like, and then if you, it's like a batting average, if you kill it enough, you just keep getting opportunities, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that Canadian band? What's the Canadian band? Uh, Bear Naked Ladies? No, no, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have 16 people in total who've been involved over time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cannot listen to The National. Uhm, where was I when this was happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the national the guy who's like, he basically sounds like the crash test dummies? Little bit. Okay, yea. Little bit. Not for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there just no appeal to being in a band for youngsters? Like do you know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea of like getting together with your friends and doing something together, is that over? Is that the whole thing? Where it's like, cause in a band there's conflict, right? Where you're like, hey man, I'm gonna do this bass and people have to be like, actually we don't love that, let's go with something else. There's conflict.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our kids just like not down for conflict and they're like, skip that. They're, they're, they're conflict free. I'm going to be in my lab by myself playing all the instruments on a computer. And you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no man. But is that, is that part of it? Like what, or, or are people just like, hey man, I'm gonna get famous on my own and not split the check. Which is something we were always told where it's like, man, sketch groups are tough to like get people paid cause if there's six of you in this thing, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you, what is that? What do you mean this happened to you 10 years ago today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just, he wasn't scared of it, he just couldn't do it because he was eating fucking plain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be with toilet butt for hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right after someone else got up and it's still warm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I love it! Do you look that person in the face as they exit and you answer and kinda nod? That's our hot tub time machine.


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[Assistant] I like Third Eye Blind more than I like Arcade Fire. No, that's not- No, that is a hot take, for sure. Hot take, thank you, yeah. No, I don't think so. Like, I think those three songs that they have


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[Assistant] I like Jumper more than any Arcade Fire song.


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[Assistant] Like, as a DJ and someone who actually goes out, Blake, have you heard anybody throw that down, like, mid-model? Like, people are playing, like, hits from now, hits from now, hits from now, and then they throw on, cause I know, Smells Like Teen Spirit is like the new go-to, like,


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[Assistant] Closing the goddamn door is not fall- fall out way.


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[Assistant] It gives you the, uh, the ins and outs of the industry, the what's to do's and what not to do's. Pretty hardcore.


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[Assistant] And you guys, the fans, you guys all went in on us about yelling at Kyle. Guess what?


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[Assistant] Well, we, we had a lot planned. We had tickets booked. We had special guests. We had, what else did we have? We had like just a lot of secrets lined up. I did not know that. Oh yeah, no, it was crazy. So much. Kyle and I were, were on a flight to Las Vegas.


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[Assistant] Well, we had to cancel everything because what there was, uh, we had a medical emergency.


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[Assistant] And we're not talking TLC, baby.


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[Assistant] Yes but you do have a huge goblet of THC. But what are you drinking right now?


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[Assistant] Is that? Well, Ders, we kind of covered it when we talked about like gynecologists. I think it's like people don't trust like doctor, like it's, it's a little bit of going both ways. Like doctors are kind of like, I want to respect you cause I could be a creep. So I will, I feel uncomfortable.


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[Assistant] No, but Adam went in for blindness and then he whipped his dick out. So of course she's gonna go, whoa.


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[Assistant] But what sucked? I went in for my dick doesn't work and all I got was this stupid migraine.


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[Assistant] You guys know that there are like a lot of audience members get very pissed if it's not a happy ending, if shit isn't tied up. That's frowned upon.


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[Assistant] Wow, a Durs likes something. This is huge. This is huge. Durs likes something.


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[Assistant] Blake, who's homeboy? Uh, the guy who plays Kang the Conqueror now. He's a very good actor. What the frickin' heck is his name though? I like him. With cool actors in it.


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[Assistant] Jonathan Majors. Who's John Majors? She's a fuckin' up next bro.


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[Assistant] Well, so what is that? Do you think that is a response to people thinking the audience is dumb as shit or that the audience through fits with like movies like ending


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[Assistant] Maybe that's, it's for the good and the bad though, cause I think if you give somebody, like maybe when people start to think too far out of the box, then you start to get movies that are just like, what the fuck am I even watching at this point?


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[Assistant] Like it requires skill to be a good director, but if everybody coming into like say, like directing school, like a serious man is like, I'm super heady. I know. And then you watch their product and you're kind of like, dude, you're.


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[Assistant] Hey, we're done here, man. Adam, when I heard you were dying, I'm like, fuck it, man. Fuck this industry, bro. I'm in the streets, okay?


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[Assistant] I would assume, just imagine what your sense of feel would be at that point, my goodness. Let your fingers do the walking, you know.


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[Assistant] But then you can't hear music anymore. Music is so essential.


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[Assistant] You're, you're actually startled by it. You're like it could be a gremlin.


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[Assistant] Well, that sounds scarier than, yeah. My god, that's super scary. Oh, you tell that to Ray Charles. Yeah, see? Okay.


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[Assistant] But smell is most of taste, isn't it? But then, but once you lose smell, you lose taste.


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[Assistant] I don't know. It seems real. What did COVID do? Did it take away your smell or just your taste? Both.


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[Assistant] Come on, I know Tyler Posey's still buff as fuck, bro. He's out here.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we gotta see that. What if they really, like, switch it up? That'd be sick.


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[Assistant] This is a, and I'm just throwing it out. What was The Boo? Remember The Boo, like the internet sketch comedy? Who made that?


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[Assistant] I need to revisit that. That was kinda like their jump off or what?


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[Assistant] I'm pretty sure that, like that, that Yacht Rock, the, the comedy, like, uh, sketch comedy show or whatever, that was the first time Yacht Rock was ever said. I think they coined that phrase. I actually thought that too. Yeah, I think that's a thing now from them. Really? Yes. Yes. I truly think that.


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[Assistant] And then you gave people points. I actually was the first person.


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[Assistant] Uhm, yeah, I guess, uh, what, what would mine be? A shout out or what? But, I don't know. That was legitimately scary. It was a reality check. It was. It really was.


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[Assistant] Take our health for granted, not, it's just fucking shit, dude. It shook me up a little bit, but I'm glad you're okay. Thank you, Blakey. Also, we're just, you know, it's the hundredth episode, we're keeping it a hundred. And go rate our podcast, like, five stars, whatever. If you're a listener, TI Nation. Yeah, dude.


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[Assistant] Because they do the deli menu, they do the deli menu, but we have twists and turns.


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[Assistant] Don't forget that, that one dude is in. He said honorage. That one dude is in Bruce Springsteen's band.


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[Assistant] 100 fuckin' buttholes. 100 fuckin' buttholes. You didn't do that one? Ew.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's a lot of extra, yeah. Right.


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[Assistant] No, I think that was in early 2000s when Fall Out Boy was raining the airwaves and they sort of ripped a page from Pete Wentz's playbook.


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[Assistant] I like, well that's what's the, the blessing, uh, and curse of working with some of your very best friends is you do...


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[Assistant] People that don't know, on a production now you have to have, if there's any kind of like kissing or sexual thing that's happening, they have to have an intimacy coordinator.


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[Assistant] Uh, who's there to just make sure everything's cool and everyone's comfortable with the situation.


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[Assistant] It's really bad, man. I'm renting this house, you know, and I can't figure out how to s- the goddamn- I wish my tech boy was here because I can't- The AC is set at 85 degrees. And I keep- That's hot. That's hot.


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[Assistant] No, it's a dumbass thermostat. This thermostat is stupid as shit.


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[Assistant] I have to pay for everything. That's the rub here. I'm paying for it anyways.


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[Assistant] If you're joining us now, AC Talk. We've moved off luggage talk and we're talking home talk.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it sucked. I was the only one to go, I'm willing to sacrifice the extra like,


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[Assistant] Yes, where there's like a food bar and like booths and checkered tablecloths.


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[Assistant] Clear it up for me. It'd really help us out if Blake could just explain the...


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[Assistant] That's a thing people are doing a lot, not like college kids are doing that, like to their parents at like Christmas dinner, their dad will be saying something and the daughter will just go,


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[Assistant] Like the seat looks hairy. That's how many rat hairs were stuck to it. They for sure, like, pissed all over the seat and then like, and then rolled themselves on it. They did hella classes.


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[Assistant] And then I kept it. Have you thought about, like, just going back to, like, way old school, Kyle, and just getting, like, a fucking sick buzz cut?


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[Assistant] I would love to see that, I would love to see- What else do you think about Kyle? Just, just go like seven year old Kyle, just get like the nice like, fucking boycott.


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[Assistant] Yeah it must have been a west coast thing because in the midwest that hits us in like seventh grade so we're like 14 13.


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[Assistant] What is it? I mean, yea, if he's not a rapper, if he doesn't have his ears pierced, uh, what, what had happened to David? How's he doing?


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[Assistant] I said Rat King first. Wait, hang on, hey Blake, give me those cards back real quick.


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[Assistant] You're currently on the cusp of it? I, I, uh...


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[Assistant] And, and then I was like, it can't just be the booze, that can't be it. And then I haven't drank in like two weeks, cause I'm trying to clean my act up, and uh, you know.


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[Assistant] Dude, if we're gonna, if we're talking diarrhea out the gate, I'm gonna let you guys know how I was feeling, because it wasn't, I wasn't feeling good there for a while.


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[Assistant] I guess I've never talked to them, so.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, you're talking about, I forget you like have fancy friends that say things like scatological. Yeaah, you're high brow.


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[Assistant] Okay, just won the fight, his name is Puna, and then...


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[Assistant] Dude, I don't know, I don't know anything about- Now he's gonna beat you up. And, and he, they said on the video, they were like, well, for people that didn't see it, he was like,


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[Assistant] Uh, do you wanna call anyone out? And he's like, yeah, I wanna call out Adam Devine, the actor from Workaholics. Yeah. And I was like, wait, is he getting, is he calling me out for like a fight? Because... That would be so scary. What are we, what are we talking about?


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[Assistant] No, I think he was just like a big fan. Someone's, like, a few of his friends were like DMing me saying like, wish him good luck.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. So yeaah, what's up Puna? I guess he's a big fan of the podcast. He listens every week. My main man Puna. Who knew we had a UFC, uh, uh, a lot of the UFC athletes are into us. At least one. Yeaah. That's more than I kinda thought.


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[Assistant] Or maybe we're, like, they've been hit in the head so many times that like we're the only, we're the, we're the level of comedy that they're, they feel comfortable with.


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[Assistant] Well, no, no, no, no. Blake says he has wrestling in his jeans. I do. Also, my whole family wrestled. Like, your... They're also from Iowa. I know he's gonna mention Bean from Iowa when he's not.


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[Assistant] I think, yeah, at least at one point, I don't know if it still is, but it for sure was when I was growing up. Yeah, it was, it was big shit. In Iowa, which Blake did not grow up in Iowa, he likes to- No, but I was-


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[Assistant] No, no, we never did. He always tried to out-Iowa me, dude. It was actually kind of weird. How could I do that? Dude, I don't know why you acted that way.