[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I worry, I worry that I'm gonna do something like bang my head or knock an eye or spike an ear in such a way that when all this super advanced VR is out, when I'm in my eighties, there'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever like bang your eye in just such a way? And I'd say, yeah. And I said, well, then you can't use this system and it's the best VR experience ever. But I feel fine. It doesn't matter, sir. I'm afraid you've had knock eye, spike ear syndrome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm having sex with tons of people in VR and it feels like the real deal and I'm in a war now and I'm a spaceman and I'm just sat there watching fucking Judge Judy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just move! If you're so attached to your computer, that the only way you can stand up and move around is by having to stand up and move around whilst using a computer. Yea, then get a fucking VR headset. Go and have a walk around the block. When you get lunch,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go out and get lunch. You know what I mean? Like go and do something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something! Like I saw one guy that in order to get around his exercise problems had fitted out his computer with an exercise bike so he had to pedal to power the monitor, right? If he didn't pedal, no power for the monitor. So he had to pedal to play. I'm just thinking, why don't you just take...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One hour out of playing the game and go for a bike ride. Enjoy the world around you instead of just going, oh dude I've been grinding in WoW all day. Just take a fucking break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you're avoiding a problem. It's like, it's like, rather than actually just come out and say, I have a problem playing this game so much that I'm just never moving, then why don't you just set a goal for yourself rather than trick yourself. You shouldn't need to trick yourself in this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was crazy, I mean, I don't think people, like, imagine if you're 16 now, you've pretty much grown up in a world where smoking isn't a thing that everybody does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But everybody fucking smoked, like my parents smoked, all their friends smoked, my teachers smoked, you could go into my dad's office and there would be people sitting there smoking in the office, like it was just, it was like Mad Men, they weren't joking in Mad Men when everybody's fucking smoking, everybody fucking smoked, like everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of wonder if it was the Boy Scouts and the Girl Guides and stuff that popularized it as well. Because a lot of people that wouldn't have done it otherwise, like a lot of town kids and city kids, probably had access to it and thought actually this is a lot of fun. Although why they'd think that I don't know. Camping is the fucking worst, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half-assed, that's how I do it. Like, fully half-assed. I get the tent, I put it up, and I'm like, this thing's missing a couple of poles, but fuck it. It leaks. And then it's like, I just dump it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like genuinely, I mean, Canada's so friggin' big, that there's nowhere they're gonna police it and say, you're not allowed to camp 1,000 miles from civilization, so there's gonna be like a park ranger there. No. Like you've got a ton of land, whereas in the UK, but if you just pitched up a tent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a, I'm a, I'm a city dweller. And I, the idea of being that far out in the wilderness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda scares me. Even though I'm way more likely to be killed in a big city than I am out in the wilderness. The idea of being stuck in the wilderness and being tracked by some kind of murderous villain. Yeah, but I mean that's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd be like, you know what, so few people take the time to really appreciate what I do. You've changed my opinion about victims, possibly forever. I'm really, I'm glad you saw the effort I put into this craft of mine. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, if you think about it, I've got a problem with crusts, okay? I still cut the crusts off my kid's sandwiches even though they don't even ask for it anymore. Cause I can relate. Cause I don't eat the fucking crust, well the crust sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's why you've gone bald, P-Flex. No, cause I was forced to eat them then, Lewis. Wasn't I? Would you not have eaten the crusts anyway? You didn't like them? What's up with that? I like crusts. But if you have a really good bit of bread, right? The crust is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what is the crust? The crust is the burnt exterior. You buy a loaf of bread, like your average hovis, you bring it home,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do like French bread. The crust for French bread is really, really nice. But that's the thing, if it's a good crust. Yeah, but if it's a good crust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, like, I get the Hovis Best of Both worlds, which it clearly can't be. I mean, it's promising a lot, but I like the way it's called Best of Both. It's kind of got a kind of a white bread thing going on, but it's also kind of got a brown bread thing going on, but without just being that overbearing, covered in fucking seeds, this is healthy but bland brown bread. You know what's really nice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a, I had a delivery last night, right? From Okado. The Okado guy turns up. Okado is, is waitress. Yeah, yeah. And he, he delivers it and he's like, there you go, Gov hands me the slip and he says, only one item missing this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I thought, hold on a sec, fuck that, and I grabbed the pita bread and I marched out to the guy and I said what the fuck am I meant to do with this and I threw the pita bread in his face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tip it in. No part of my body touches it. So I'm just like, what are you complaining about? She's like, it's disgusting. I'm like, I'm not touching it. Look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever I'd go see my grandfather in Ottawa and whenever we'd go see him, the milk comes in a bag and I was like, wow, this is so weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like an avocado shortage going on in New Zealand. Oh god, that's like my lack of hummus. An avocado shortage, gah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There'll be like a music festival. Now we've had word that there's some bad avocado going around. Don't take the bad avocado. It'll give you a bad trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I like that. We love tangents. This is the home of tangents here. This is tangent, Sanskrit safe place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just meant to be an entertaining film and I think, uh, if you read a lot of blogs and reviewers and stuff like that about, about films, a lot of them try to deconstruct it all in a way that I, I don't think, I mean, everybody wants to be the guy who comes up with the clever deconstruction of like a Kubrick movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what? The Star Wars movie is just like a roller coaster or whatever. Just enjoy the ride and I don't think you need to read quite so much into it. If you want to do that, fine, but don't be disappointed when...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, I mean, there's two movies, I've, I must have seen them 50, 50 to 100 times easily over the last 30 years of my life. Every single time that I turn on and it's like Die Hard is just starting, I'm like, I ain't going anywhere for the next two hours. I'm just gonna fucking watch this movie. But I don't sit there thinking, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm there for the snappy, yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers, that kind of shit. I mean, he isn't even, like, wearing shoes for half that movie, is he? No. Most of the movie. That's one of the key parts of the film, is in fact the lack of shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was always one bit, he says to the other German guy, shoot the glass, in German.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy looks at him like, huh? And he says, shoot the glass in English. And I'm like, really? Like, wouldn't he just said it again in German? If I, like if I said to you, hey Sip, shoot the glass. And you went, what? I'd go, she's the Finster! And you go, oh right, shoot the glass. Yeah, I didn't know in my native language what you were talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just transparent that the audience needed to know what he was saying. But then why not just have him shout, shoot the glass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first time I saw it, my mum rented it for me from Flix, which was the video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched that, she'd rent that, she'd say, you know, if I was poorly, she'd say, do you want me to rent a movie for you? She was great when I was sick. So she'd go and rent me Die Hard, and I'd watch it like three times. Because I was a kid, kids do that. You just watch the same thing over and over again. My kids do the same thing. My four year old is like, frozen, just finished. She's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'd watch it again and, uh, and, you know, then it was on TV, recorded it off TV, like he said, it's a Christmas movie, so, you know, I'd have them at Die Hard. And I'd watch that, and, uh, that was like one of the, my little collection of movies, is like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alien, Aliens, Predator, Terminator 2, a bunch of movies like that. That was the video collection. And those are the ones that I've seen. And they're the ones that pretty much any time they're on I could sit back and watch them. Even though I've seen it a hundred times. I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they build the game around that multiplayer stuff and they're like, we're going to add new bits. And obviously think how much money they must have put into developing that game. I mean it was beautiful. It was a really beautiful game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, at Obesee, the amount of detail, just in rooms where you're just running through, you look around and I think, it's not like there's just, oh, this is an off-the-shelf room. I'm like, wow, this all feels completely like something they hand-built like the entire...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, I kind of feel like if your numbers suddenly plummet, your plan for going forward of, it's alright, we'll cover the development costs because with this framework, yeaah, but from this, with this framework, we can then release a bunch of add-ons and we'll make enough money to cover all the costs and make some profit and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if they bring out a game that's meant to have a shelf life, and does- I mean, like, I'm with you. If a game comes out, like The Witcher 3, or whatever, and it's like, they have the expansions, and then it's like, plummets, and everybody, Witcher 4, you know, fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So by the time this goes out, I will have already done this. But anyway, what I'm gonna do is go up there, because York University, some guys there in some kind of digital lab thingy, are building some software to do with esports, and they wanted to talk to me about it, and they said, would you like to give a talk about esports while you're up here? And I was like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm going up there tomorrow to give a little talk to some students about esports and stuff, because I guess they think I know something about it. I'm not going to tell them that I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, by the time they see this next week, they might realise post-talk that I obviously didn't know what I was talking about, but I'm gonna do it anyway. And one of the things I wanted to talk about,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, I was thinking about the future of e-sports, right, and the fact that it's gonna be big money and all the rest of it, and all these big companies are getting involved, and like, I know that Comcast are sponsoring a team, and all these traditional sports clubs are like, sponsoring a team, like the Mets have picked up an e-sports team, or with someone Lowe, the Yankees or whatever, blah blah blah. What is the one thing that these big companies always, always seek to do,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just like they're doing with the Oculus Rift and the Vive and all this is they always want to narrow down access.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my concern about esports in the future is that there's nothing really stopping ISPs from doing deals with these big game devs and saying if you want to play


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] League of Legends 2, you have to have a Comcast box. You have to be a Comcast customer. Just like if you're in the UK and you want to watch Game of Thrones on TV, you have to be a Sky customer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exclusivity in gaming, not just through the console you need, but the actual connection you have to the internet. I reckon that's what's gonna happen to esports, I reckon it's gonna fuck it right up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but look at Dota, right? Dota was a mod for Warcraft 3 and was played for like 10 years. Around the world loads of people played it. It was really big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it wasn't until, I mean what, are we at TI6? So TI6 is coming in, uh, August of this year. The International is like the big Dota event. And it's only started in the last six years. Like TI1 wasn't like a Valve sort of massive event the way it is now. It was relatively small compared to what it is now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, when they did Dota 2, they obviously just thought, like somebody somewhere thought we should do a friggin' big tournament for this and that would be awesome. And only then did they really realise the potential that it had as a sport that people could play and all the stuff that would go along with that. Whereas then you suddenly had all these companies like two or three years ago saying, holy shit, MOBAs are big, we're gonna make one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were fucking awful, they were all fucking awful and they just tried to shoehorn in all this stuff and tried to appeal and nobody cared because they already had the exact same thing and they made their game identical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, like all these other new games that come out as eSports, what was there that was exactly like Hearthstone? I guess Magic the Gathering, but Hearthstone was like a much more accessible, and the UI and everything was much better designed, it was much prettier game to play, Overwatch is kinda like, I guess like a cross between


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any of those FPS sort of e-sports and a bit like a MOBA as well because, you know, you've got teams and heroes and abilities and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was something again that was slightly different and new. A lot of the companies that try to get into esports try to think at what's, look at what's working and copy it. Yeah. But that, that's the thing. It's gotta be something new, but also kind of familiar. And I think that's, that's the way all these games have gone that have been successful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they make a huge amount of money from the items that are related to the big tournaments. Yeah, that's true, yeah. Because like, you've got the compendiums, right? So every time there's a big tournament, the compendium comes out, that's when Valve makes its real money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, honest answer, honest answer, who fucking cares, it's League of Legends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and they actually complain about that a lot. I know I read a forum one time where they were saying, how the fuck did this idiot Pirian Flax get an announcer in Dota 2, and we don't have anything like that in League of Legends. And why don't they have like, the workshop and everything like, the money that you pay to play League of Legends goes directly to unlocking the heroes or whatever. Like that's pretty much how it works, as I understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I streamed it, just cut it into chunks and uploaded it. So, I mean, I did, you know, it's not as polished as, as it should be, but- No, it's fine though. The thing is like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if you, if you do want to start as a superpower, I would recommend, um, Nazi Germany purely because you've got a lot of options and you are, you've got so much in terms of resources and manpower and stuff like that, but you actually can go a bunch of different ways. And the, the, the tree that like, you know, when you go to national focus,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The major nations have a customized focus tree for them. So for instance, you can go allies with the Soviets, you can turn against them, you can go buddies with Italy or, you know, there's a whole bunch of options. With the minor nations, it's a default tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you, you can focus, but not in the same way. So you don't get the same historical things like Germany's got the Anschluss of Austria, which is where Austria just says, hey, we're German too, and taking the Sudetenland and stuff. So it gives you more of an insight into how the war's going to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you play as a minor nation, your role, you're almost taking yourself out of history because you can do whatever the fuck you want. If you play as the major nations, you can at least get an idea of how the war goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For later games, because I think you need to know how the game generally plays out. Although in my games generally, at the, when you get the early editions of Hearts of Iron 3 and Hearts of Iron 4,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that kind of stuff happens. In later editions, they tend to iron out some of that stuff, which is a shame because it's, I like that bonkers stuff that happens. It keeps you on your toes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, honestly, I think, I think if you played as one person plays as America, they actually would have quite a bit to do because you do have quite a lot to do as America. Not so much fighting in the early years, but you've got to prepare for it and decide which way you're going to go. Were you going to go after Japan first? Were they going to go after Europe first?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Watch Dogs 1, I completely, completely skipped that. But I have, uhm, I bought the expansions for Witcher 3, and then I realised that I hadn't played Witcher 3 in a year. Because I think when I was in the middle of it, I went to TI last year, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I had no idea. I'd forgotten all the controls. I didn't even know how to use my sword or anything. I was like, oh shit. So I considered restarting it and I got about half an hour in and I realized I remembered all the quests and all the things I'd had to do and the amount of hours I'd put into the game and I was like, I really don't want to have to do this all over again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's difficult, isn't it? Yeah, so I reloaded back at my save and I just, I'm getting back into it now. It is such a, such a fucking good game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh, it's a great game, Sips. It really, it really is a beautiful game. And I, I got, yeah, it's a lot of fun. The combat is hard. So a lot of people were saying, oh, you should play it on the hardest level because otherwise, uh, you know, uh, it's not the real experience. You're not allowed to play


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well so like, if there was a show about esports, do you like a sort of hosting for that, you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that would be good. I mean, I've always thought that I could do something like that. But I prefer talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just, their, their only thing is that they're stupidly enthusiastic. Like they're not funny, they're not, they're not saying anything clever, they're not saying anything that's particularly gonna stick in your mind. They're just like, alright guys, yeah, Call of Duty, woah! And I'm like, I'm sure I could do better than that. Like, I'm sure I could do better than that. I mean, I, I feel like esports at the moment. It depends, I mean, they're, they're appealing to an audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they're all like, god, this is embarrassing. Cause these guys are way too fucking old. They're not cool. Kids don't like people that just shout at them. I don't think they want people that are cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just used my top room, I've converted that. By the way, people keep asking, why does Pirian have a hospital bed behind him? Because the bed in my spare room is a bit hospital-beddy. It's just the angle, it really doesn't look too much like a hospital bed, I promise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deepwood's campers are my targets. I will, I will portage across the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have a cross beef interest, like you're not concerned with the beef between East and West?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I listen, as anyone who's ever watched my stream will know, to an extremely wide range of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From like the classic hip hop stuff to like trance and dance stuff to say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cats and dogs music where they like replace the words with meows and barks. Like I'll listen to anything. If it's good, I'll like it. Like I'm completely non-judgmental about the singer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the band, or the scene, or whatever, like, I'm not like, man, Justin Bieber never made a good song, cause I really like that Sorry song that he did, I think that's a really good pop song. So I'll fucking listen to anything, and if I like it, I like it, and I, like, I know a lot of people like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm into this and I'm into that, but I'm definitely not into any of things specific. I'm into, I'd listen to a lot of music, a lot of new music, uh, some old stuff and, uh, yeah, I'll listen to anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Triforce. Well, it's like not even Triforce this week though, is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, it's like another, like, Triforce on the road, but we're not actually on the road at all. Uhm, and the only thing difference, the only big difference this week is that period flax is at Heathrow Airport and might be back in time to join us, but maybe not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think uhm, you know when you're going through the airport and you have like those desks and like the barricades.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why not have a robot do his job instead like most things these days? So they put in these automated ones and that probably broke down preventing everybody in the airport from getting through that one hallway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally five steps after that will be customs, which is a huge control point. You know what I mean? Airports to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so, I think it's fine, like Malta's- I think it's fine. I think Malta's a pretty credible country? Island?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure, I'm sure while he was there, he really soaked in the historical facts about Malta and everything. I mean, he did go there to play poker, so. I'm assuming he at very least googled it. The likelihood is that he got off a plane, put on his poker face, probably won some money, and then flew home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe he won't tell us about it. You never know. If he turns up, right? If he turns up, we have this responsibility now to hold, hold down the show. Remember like a couple of episodes ago, we talked about how we were never going to change like the cast on the show and already we're screwing it up. We're one man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it always on the same weekend every year? Like did we go to it this time last year? Yes, I think it is a similar sort of time. So this time last year, thereabouts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're just sporting like the fro, you got like your mustard stained wife beater on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sure it wasn't me? I mean, I'm, I'm pretty, I'm pretty gorge myself and I'm 6'3", so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice. So, so immediately you developed an attraction to him while you were talking to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, cause you saw some Civ stuff, right? And he's gonna be like, he's gonna be frothing at the mouth. Cause he'll wanna see if like his ideas made it into the game. Did any of them make it into the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I haven't actually seen, I was reading a thread about it and I noticed a couple of people saying that it looked very-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've just been spending all your time talking to hunky 6'3 men outside of your office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the event like? I mean, cause I went to, I went to an event for Overwatch, okay. It was like last year or maybe even longer ago. Uhm, we went out to Blizzard, me and Duncan went out to Blizzard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sat us in their like little cinema thing and showed us footage of McCree at the time. McCree was like the new hero that they were working on. It was like Chris Metzen and Jeff Kaplan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking to just like a room full of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it, and it was pretty good. You know, like, Jeff Kaplan and Chris Metzen are like, obviously like, pretty passionate about Overwatch and stuff, and it, it was pretty good, but like, for Civ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I just imagine guys with like fucking pocket protectors and like tape holding their glasses together like, yeah, well, you see the thing is, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had to put in a nutrition mechanic because of people, you know, and like I can just imagine a whole room of people just falling asleep and stuff cause Civ's like a cool game, it's fun to play and stuff but I think the people that must develop it must be like super duper nerds. Well you want them to be too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, XCOM 2 I thought was gonna be like my game of the year this year, even like it came out early in the year sort of thing and I thought, what's gonna top XCOM 2 later? It's been fantastic. But like I played Stellaris, that's been really fucking good. Like I really enjoy it, I think it's really well done. Overwatch is out now, I've been playing that. I wasn't like looking forward to it or hyped for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, have you played Doom? Yeah, I played it with Simon while you were away. Oh, of course you did. He was fucking crouching around like he was playing Fallout, like he was sniping the aliens with his pistol and stuff. He was too scared to manmode it. You know what's kind of disappointing about Doom?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to play Doom 1 and Doom 2 back in the day with my friend on like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Connect modem? You know, like, remember that? Like when they were DOS games?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, we used to play it, and it was really fun. You could play it on different difficulties and stuff, and it was awesome. Like, it was a really fun way of playing the game. And that, they don't have it in the new one. Kinda sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, you finished the campaign, is there plans for DLC, like more, more single player stuff, or are they really focusing on the multiplayer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like one of your top recommendations I still haven't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on, I'm thinking of the most horrific experience I've ever had. Alright, hit me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're playing Leafs awkwardly at like 1 in the afternoon and stuff like that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, that's pretty standard for parenthood, but just actual crazy people go through with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what Doom needs to do is add screaming babies to make the experience that much more intense because it does bring out something in you, doesn't it? Like the sound of a screaming crying baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you say that you don't believe in heaven and hell, but what if you find yourself, uhm, you know, what if, what if your idea of how everything is and your idea of reality and stuff turns out to be wrong, okay? Say, let's say you die tomorrow, for argument's sake, okay? You get hit by a bus and you die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank god, even though, you know, there will be an evacuation, your bowels will definitely evacuate because like your body goes into like some sort of like trauma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like on your way for lunch, right? So it's like one o'clock, okay? You're hit by bus and you're dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, okay, so you're dead, okay? And, you know, like, when you're thinking about dying, right? You're like, I wonder what it's gonna be like when I die. You're like, is it gonna be like when you're sitting there and you're playing an iOS game in a chair and you're tired and you just, you know, you sort of nod off, you fall asleep?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you don't realize you've done it and then you sort of spring back up and you're like, oh shit, I must have fallen asleep. I, I think that that's what it's like to die sort of thing, especially if you're like in a hospital bed and you die of like old age or whatever or you know, whatever causes you to die when you're, when you're old as hell and you just die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like falling asleep, right? But then, what if instantly you like wake up again and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm dead, but like, you're trapped in like a really small ventilation shaft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can't really move and like you're just like, oh shit, you know, like you're claustrophobic as hell and you're trapped there. And at that moment, do you think you'd think to yourself, fuck, if only I'd believed in heaven and hell because clearly now I am in hell for whatever reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, do you ever think about that? You think like, ah maybe I need to like make amends with God and stuff just in case I wake up after I've died and I'm stuck in a ventilation shaft or whatever is like the worst possible scenario for you, like your own personal fresh hell. Do you ever think of that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you say all this, but the fact is you wake up after you've died and you're stuck in a snow avalanche for the rest of eternity, no way out. I mean, that's fucked up, man. I don't, I would like to avoid that somehow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but do you think that like, after what I said before about, you know, worrying about what's gonna happen in the afterlife, do you think that that's like a big motivator for people to become religious in the first place in this life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think, I think in my case, I think I could be scared into being religious though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody had concrete proof that, you know, if I, if I don't like do my prayers and do some Hail Marys or whatever it is you need to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I could end up waking up like in some sort of, you know, bunker with somebody I didn't like for the rest of eternity or, you know, stuck in a ventilation shaft or stuck in an avalanche or just like really cramped into like a tight spot, you know, buried alive in a coffin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be like, I'd be scared into it. I'd be like, whoa, shit, yeah, tell me what I need to do so that I can avoid all that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a pool? Yea, god. Actually, I don't know, but that wouldn't be so bad. Waking up and floating through space, like in a capsule. I'd be okay with that, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think they are though because they're scared though? Because, again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the flip side though, imagine you died and you went to heaven and you thought that heaven was gonna be like holy shit incredible and you got there and it was like just kind of okay, like not that many naked chicks here, like I thought there'd be way more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it would have to be, it would have to be alternate realities to suit each person, right? Like each person would have to have their own ideal sort of thing, right? Like as a reward for living a good life, like that's how heaven should work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but in his heaven, he would be a 21 year old hunk. But in your heaven, he would still be your old ass granddad. He's kinda stunk, but you love him anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's like a big sort of communal like, you know, it's made of clouds and there's gates and stuff like that. Like I don't think it's like that. Unless it is. And then you might get there and you might be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is some bullshit, like I don't want to fucking wear a toga. You know, I don't want to go to meetings about beards or whatever they do up here. Like I want to do crank with like bitches. A lot of people, you just want to do lines of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you allowed to be lusty as hell in heaven? So like, you know, cause they sort of preach to you in this life, like, you know, don't cheat on your wife, don't do this and stuff. But then when you get to heaven, you're like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, all I've ever wanted to do is snort coke out of a prostitute's ass crack. I'm like, I know that that's cheating on my wife, but now that I'm here in this heaven, can I do this stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, again, I mean, the Bible was written a long time ago, so I think they tried to write it in such a way where it was like a catch-all, you know? So it's like, you know, they tried to be really, really generic in this teaching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't stick your dick in any hole except for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You went home and you, let me guess, you had like a full fucking night's sleep. You're kind of jet lagged, but like still, there was nothing really pressing. No, nobody's like asking you anything or getting you to do anything. Like you probably just like, you woke up in the middle of the night, you're like, ehh, I'm a bit jet lagged. And you, you looked at over at your.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wardrobe and you saw your collection of turtleneck sweaters hanging up. You're like, you can't sleep. Maybe I'll just watch something on Netflix for a bit or whatever. So I don't, basically what I'm saying is I don't feel bad for you. I got two kids. Okay. Fucking man up. Stop complaining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he have sex with you a couple of times in different ways and sort of say there's like cameras here that we use to like monitor people in the cabs and stuff? Cause that's probably on the internet right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, on the topic of that, sorry to interrupt you. What? Outside of my dad garage right now, uh, like part of the road collapsed in, like there's a big hole in the road, and there's literally like 20 dudes out there, like paving it and fucking hammering it and doing shit like, can you hear any of this going on in the background? No. This is loud as fuck, holy crap. Sounds good though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's just like so interested in like the construction work and stuff or, well, the fucking total lack of. I mean, I don't, I don't understand how long it takes to fill up a hole, but maybe I'm just one of those typical guys, you know, who's just like, yo, just give me a hammer. I can do it. Pay me six wages for that. I could do it in five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in my flat. Yeah. Do you have a whole bunch of junk that you've collected? Like sort of stored and put arranged it into like organizational areas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just have like a ton of light bulbs in one bin and then like just a bunch of computer chips in another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's weird, isn't it? Because like when you move to a place, like when I moved into my garage, I was like, oh man, it's gonna be like really nice, gonna have this, that and the other. And in the end, I totally did it half-assed. It's not finished. And I just sit here in amongst like piles of junk that I haven't unpacked and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it can't be good for your mental health, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause didn't you tell me that you moved in and there was like a weird wooden spoon or something? But it was like spaghetti sauce like ingrained into it or something? Yeaah, it's like someone's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did your mom ever have a wooden spoon with like, where she drew like an angry face on it and threatened you with it? Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can't do that nowadays. Jesus Christ. Why not? Because, like, it's not the same as it was in the 80s. In the 80s, like, I think you could just about get away with, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, with the intent of hitting you with it, at least threatening you with it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I did actually. I got threatened to a couple of times, I'm sure, but uhm, I don't ever remember actually being spanked or anything, did you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who spanked you? Well, come on. My dad. What? So he's gonna like bend you over his knee and spank you? Like how long does it take to spank someone? Like two seconds?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty old school, yeaah. They're not allowed to do that anymore. Like most of them would actually have to do time in jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And of course, if you go to jail for doing something like that, uh, like, pretty much, I mean, if you get into jail and you've done that, like, the Aryan nation aren't gonna let you into their gang, so you're fucked basically. Like, cause you need to ally yourself straight away in jail with like a gang or whatever. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Otherwise your life is just gonna be a living hell. Even worse than flying on a plane with babies on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, depending on the color of your skin, but further to that, I think that a lot of the gangs are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we're not gonna let a, like, pedophile into our gang and we're not gonna let somebody who, like, canes children at school in our gang or slaps them with, like, a meter stick or anything like that. So you have to be- Or a wooden spoon. I mean, much like worrying about heaven and hell in the afterlife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, what you do on a day to day basis, you need to worry about because if one day you go to prison, that shit's gonna catch up with you, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Worry about prison. It's true. You know, you're always just like one paycheck away from going to prison, right? You default on your mortgage. What does that mean? You know, uhm, I dunno. It's like two, two catchphrases combined into one, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to prison is a long slippery mudslide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck me. Anyway, games. Can we talk about video games now? Yeah, sure. We've talked about them before, I guess, but it's like, it's very likely that Purion is not going to make it to this podcast, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty grim. I mean that control point's probably still not sorted out if like the guy's outside my house fixing a hole or anything to go by. There's probably five dudes wearing bright neon jackets standing in a hallway in Heathrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, I finished playing Stranded Deep, which I was playing for a bit. It was pretty fun. Uhm, it's like one of these like survival games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then in between that, I was waiting for Overwatch to come out because the open beta ended.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played it a bit in open beta and even though I wasn't really like looking forward to it coming out or anything, I wasn't like overly hyped for it or anything. Open beta was a bit different for me because I think the player pool was just bigger so it was just, the games were just a bit more enjoyable because I was playing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of enjoyed the tail end of the Overwatch open beta and I was looking forward to it releasing because I thought I'll play it a bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cause it's a new Blizzard game or whatever. So in between, I played a bit of Prison Architect to pass the time. Played a bit of Stellaris to pass the time. I played fucking War Thunder. Have you heard, did I tell you about War Thunder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's like a free to play like tank and plane simulator game. Uh, but it's, you can play it, there's like an arcade mode, which is like very fun and fast and stuff and you get like lots of extra lives. And then there's like a realistic mode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you run out of ammo in your plane, you actually have to turn around and go and land and like restock that stuff. Like, so the battles are a little bit longer and then there's like this ultra realistic mode where it's like even worse than that. Uhm, it's fun though, like it's, it's nice looking for a free game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's all multiplayer. It's like online. You can like make a squadron and do these tank battles or plane battles. And now they have like combined arms. So like occasionally when you're in a tank battle, you can hop into a plane, just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shoot some stuff or whatever. It's kinda cool. It's alright, for a free game it's okay. It's like tremendously grindy. They got like all the usual shit in a free game. Premium currency that you can buy and speed things up. It's free to play but it's not pay to win from what I can tell. Like there's nothing that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think they tried to get it out just before Overwatch to sort of see if they could convert people over, but uh, Blizzard's just too much of a beast, aren't they? They're just too big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but Stellaris is one of those, it's a, because it's paradox and it's, you know, there'll be DLC that comes out that'll just make the game. In three years, Stellaris will be fucking fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because we were playing on like uhm, they attack you if you attack them sort of thing, like we didn't have it on, they were like passive or whatever, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you just want to make a factory, you don't want to be worrying about, it's kind of like in Minecraft, like you just want to build stuff, you don't really want to worry about a creeper coming up and just wrecking your shit every five seconds, like it's not really the point of it sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's cool that there's creepers and stuff in dungeons or whatever, but you know, if you're going down there to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's just because we needed to free up some space, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm gonna play that. I, I, I enjoyed playing it with Simon. Like I played it, we did the steam streaming thing, so I, I, I could like hot seat with him while he was playing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and even just playing it, it was like kind of pixelated, a bit laggy for me to play. But it was, it was cool man, like I liked it. It's really satisfying doing those finishing moves on the aliens, like ripping their heads off and stuff. It was pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Seduce Me Too, The Demon War? That's out on Steam now as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Age of Cavemen, which uses all of the same sort of like art as Clash of Clans, which is a new thing now, isn't it? Mobile gaming has basically just become, how do we make our game look like Clash of Clans to dupe people into buying our game thinking that they're getting Clash of Clans?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's kind of like the way that things are going I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You thought it was something to do with transgendered people, but it's actually nothing to do with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dangers. And balls. And balls. And uhm, some, some vagines, some vajayjays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This looks like, you know that game that you had on your iPad where it was like you had to direct the planes in and show them which route to take to land on the runway? It was like one of the first like iOS games and everybody thought that like iPhones and iPads were amazing because of this game where you could like be an air traffic controller. Well, this game looks like it's that, but it's like in 3D. So you sit in the tower and you have to tell like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't even do questions or anything. I mean, to be fair though, we didn't realize that we were going to be doing this. We sort of just like off the cuff said, wouldn't it be funny if we started doing it and then Pirian just turned up and he hasn't turned up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he's obviously like waylaid or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now we've done one, we've done the whole thing without him. He might be pissed off about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have any. I didn't ask any. Do you want me to ask some right now? It's like, yeah. Okay. Do you have, do you have any questions for the Triforce?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There we go. Wow. Okay, I'm waiting for them to flood in. We'll just do them as they come in, okay? Alright, it's taking a little while. I think everybody's just like waking up. You know, Twitter's just gone off on their phones and there's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is my phone beeping? What does this asshole want from me now? A couple of people are retweeting that now. Uhm, a few people are favoriting that tweet. It's probably up there with some of the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we have one from Jordy, Jordy Zandhuys, uh, and he wants to know, what is our opinion on stroopwafels?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I uhm, they're like one of those things, to me they're one of those things where you're kinda hungry, you're looking for something sweet, you're rummaging through your cupboards and there's nothing, and then you just come across a pack of stroopwafels and you're like, yeah that'll do, and you eat them. The whole pack. Cause you're kinda hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have boxer size as well, so that goes a long way. Toning and just generally making me appear more of a hunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oil rubbing, yeah. Lots of, lots of boner sizes too. The wet towel, pump your boner, lift the wet towel, just make your, make your dick like better, harder, faster. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't really filter them much anyway. Uh, next question is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still don't know, this is from Epic Harbinger. Uh, did I pronounce that right? Harbinger? Yes. Okay. Sure. Harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger. Harbinger. Anyway, he says, I still don't know where and when to watch the podcast. Can we get a link and time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's taking a while. We'll go through a few, okay. Uhm, what, this is from Beyond Top Secret. What are you wearing, Lewis? And is it sexy? Also, Sips, please stop with dad jokes. I cry every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's used the, uhm, face with tears of joy emoticon. Or is it, is it an emoji? No, I don't even know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are those new? Cause like you used to have a pair of like cross trainers I guess?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like somebody's put like a one single paracetamol tablet into the front of my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like he's got a, it's like he's got a vajay, but except for that one little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, actually I'm wearing an apron that has ladies breasts painted on it because I'm about to do some barbecue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool, so yeaah, I mean if you're up for doing some fan art of that, we would gladly look at that fan art, so there's that. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one is from Epic Noah. These questions are really good this morning actually. Who's your daddy and what does he do? Uh, my dad's retired. I think Lewis is too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if he listens to any of this stuff, he'll be like, maybe he'll spank me when he sees me. That'd be crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like that. Only if you ask nicely. Really nicely. Really sexy. Ask him real sexy and he'll spank you for sure. Paul asks, why are you so inconsistent on new content for the weekly podcast? Well, there's a good reason for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We go away sometimes and we can't record it and we have like a set day and time where we record it because we're all grown ups with like stuff to do. If we can't make it to that, then we don't reschedule it and we miss a week. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm sort of like kind of going through them a bit. Like some of them are just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not even scanning them. You know what I'm doing? I'm looking at Twitter avatars to see which ones are the most interesting and then I read those ones. Cause some of them are pretty dumb. Like there's a picture here of a guy. It's not even a guy. It's like a, like a pink bunny rabbit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That looks like it's done in MS Paint, which has caught my eye. Mike Grimm. And the question is, China?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So, there you go. Great question. Yeah. Thank you. Uhm, anyway, last one. Oh, this is a good one. Chimple Sticks. This is at the top of my notifications. Chimple Sticks asks, what's everyone's favorite Seinfeld episode? Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kramer starts going nuts because he's like made a deal where he can get free chicken, uhm, and they can put the sign up and it's like that red glow coming into his room and he can't sleep and everything and Jerry had, they do a swap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the one where he's like washing lettuce and stuff like in, in the shower? Or is that different? You remember the one where Kramer has a talk show in his apartment? Yes! That was fucking amazing!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the commercials are always the same. It's always for like something to do with diabetes. Like every commercials. Like, hey, uh, you know how you have to do like a pinprick on yourself multiple times a day to test you to see what your diabetes levels are? Why not get accustomed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like it's like it's it's it's all this like weird shit around people having diabetes like I don't get it like every commercials like that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi everybody, welcome back to the Triforce, on the road. Once- well, I'm on the road. Nobody else is actually on the road. I'm on the road. I'm local and vocal this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. It needs its own table. Uhm, it needs like a little bib. You put it on, put it on the tank, and the tank can just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda like how an elephant uses its, um, trunk to like, you know, drink water or whatever. Do you not remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can go on the chairlift and you can go on the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even watch it explode, just, you walked away with your sunglasses on and that was it. What have you guys been doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, Pirian, you should play it. I think you'd enjoy it. I respect you, P-Fax, for making that stat. Why, why should I play it? Well, I think it's pretty fun now. I think they've, they've managed to find a good spot for it. Okay. There's some fun stuff in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wouldn't mind so much if it was like, oh, is that made of licorice? Like, you know, the underpants that are on the ground. But when you find out that no, they're just like a big pair of grandma pants with like skid marks in them. Exactly. I mean, we've all been there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but this isn't the same thing though, it feels like the same thing very often, you're right. But, you know, there's a bit of new content, there's like some new systems that keep things a bit interesting and stuff, like, I dunno, it's not too bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's really cool now. She stopped smoking. Do you know how close I was to reinstalling? I got a new laptop, uh, last week. You can't play it on a laptop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't think you realize, I don't think you realize how far laptops have come. Like my laptop is really fucking good. Your laptop is like twice as good as this computer which I have to record all my stuff on. It's powerful as shit. Yeaah, it's really really good. It's a nice one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On my team, sir. You know what's really good about it too? I can, when I'm done, cause I, cause at night, when I'm in my house and not in my dad garage, you know, I sit in my kitchen at the kitchen table, so I can like, you know, I've got a mouse mat with like a mouse, like I don't use the track pattern. Damn right. Cause that's, that's crazy. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, with a mouse, with two mice, you'd have to have two to make it look really cool. One of them obviously wouldn't do anything, but it's just to keep both hands busy, you know? See, I was thinking of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, think of like, if she's gonna play like CSGO or something, if it's right in the middle, you know, that could be like an aim assist sort of thing. That's true. Like a crosshair sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does that work? I don't think they actually do that. I think it's just been a long running joke forever that people could do that, but there's never been any need to actually do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even, but even then, would it help much? Because like a game like Squad would have, the ballistics and stuff are modelled in such a way that if you're hip firing it, it would just be stray so far off target anywhere, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, you were saying last time, it tempted me. Every time you talk about games, period, you're like, you're my guy, you're my tempter. Like, you mentioned Game Dev Tycoon, I started playing it again. Rimworld, I started playing it again. Like, when you mentioned Dota the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but like most of these games that you play or have played, I've played before and it just reminds me that they're good games, like especially if I'm in some sort of drought where I'm just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Genuinely, very, very fun. Like when you play it with a bunch of people and you organize and stuff, it's a lot of fun. Especially with Smithy, who's like really fucking hardcore. Of course. Knows maneuvers and flanking maneuvers. Oh we do all that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's great. It is, it's a lot like old school raiding. Remember when we used to raid, Lewis, and people would tell you to shut the fuck up if you were like telling, you know, what episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air you watched today or whatever. It's like, everybody shut up, don't stand in the fire, we need to increase the dots and stuff. Squad is like that as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only like it if a female does it. So like, if there's any raid leaders out there who are female, I will gladly shut the fuck up if you tell me to. You're a sub. There's just something about that that really just gets my juices flowing. I don't know what it is, yea.


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[Assistant] I don't know if I want somebody stepping on my balls. I think I'd probably draw the line there. Like, telling me to play better, shut the fuck up, and raid better and stuff over like voice comms is okay. That makes you hard. Yeah, but like stomping on my balls I think I would probably have like a, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't really like the last one much. It's not that I didn't like it, I just found it really fucking boring. And the guy's voice drove me crazy. It was so annoying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's meant to be, it's meant to be a party, right? And it's, it's the usual, you know, Warcraft in itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It tries to be serious, but is very silly at times, like out in the world, quests and stuff. And Hearthstone just magnifies that silliness big time, doesn't it? And so the idea is that Karazhan is back in fashion. You remember Karazhan, right, from the Burning Crusade? Oh, you didn't play it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, even if you knew what you were doing in that instance, it took fucking hours and days off. It was just a long ass ride.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, I mean, it just restarts the game, basically. A new expansion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they sell it at full retail price and everything, it's basically a new game. Like it, it, it, it, it pretty much nullifies everything that happened previously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't realize that you, uh, only played vanilla, so you actually missed the glory of the Burning Crusade, and, more importantly, you missed the glory of Wrath of the Lich King. Those, those expansions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's the, that's the new expansion introduced this, uhm, this sort of like system now where you don't get weapons anymore. You get one weapon. It's like the most insanely powerful weapon you can get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks fucking cool, uh, and your journey through the new expansion basically you can augment it and make it better with like runes and stuff. It's almost like your weapon has a skill tree in it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This week's episode will be called Wow Fever, I think, because we got the fever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've been dancing with Mr. Wowstone instead of Mr. Brownstone, and now we're addicted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The game is so well catered to that gameplay style now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you play the new expansion, it guides you through very, very carefully what you need to be doing. And then it opens up, so they have these things called class halls now, so whatever class you are- What did you call me? A class hall? If you're a lower class player,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the game detects that you're not of a certain class. You'll get thrown into like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for you, it's like, it's like a really shitty shack where like all the scrubs go? You're a clausome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, it's like a, it's like a, it's like an instance though, so, you know, like if you're a priest, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, no, that, I was, I was joking about that. Uhm, so, say, say you, say you're a paladin, right? I'm not a fucking paladin. He's a mage. Okay, so what are you? You're a mage. Okay, so you're a mage, okay? Horde for life, bitch! Okay, so you're a horde mage, right? So when you start the game- If you can't be horde-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can be Horde Paladins too, yea. But anyway, so you're Horde Mage, you start the game, and then you talk to some, some iconic magician from Warcraft who's like, oh fuck, we've got the biggest quest you've ever seen in your life, Buster Brown, we're gonna, we're gonna have to do this together, but first you're gonna need the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you go to this place and it's like, if you're a magician, it's like this big mage tower and it's got like- Sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically you get to a point where it's like, I can either go and do quests or I can just go off and I can do some fishing or I can go collect pets or whatever. But the game rewards you XP for like everything you do now. So like say you wanna go mining, you'll get a ton of XP just for mining nodes and shit. And you don't need to be a certain level to do it or anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've got the profession, you just go out and mine it. You can level up just mining if you want to. If that's what you want to do. Like it's opened up a lot. It's a lot less sort of linear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nax is out, and- And Goblins vs. Snombs is out. Goblins vs. Snombs is gone as well. But I mean, you can still play them in Wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that episode of only fools and horses where they go to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a big mural. That was, it's such a funny episode. Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's a bus and it gets lights on fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like an old robot in there and there's some people playing like Caravan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But then some places really, uhm, sort of work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that reminds me, actually. I've got a garden, okay? But I'm really fucking lazy. And I was talking to my wife the other day, and I was like, I approached this very cautiously, because, you know, we have a house, you know, we've got a garden, we've got all these opportunities to have this, like, beautiful,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Backyard space flowers and stuff like that and I thought, you know, I don't wanna like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to be like a big downer here and be the guy who's like, yeah, can we just like pave it all over so that there's no maintenance or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like I approached it very cautiously and I was like, you know, those flower beds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so next year we're gonna fucking get rid of all the flower beds and we're gonna turf the shit out of the backyard. It's just gonna be re-terfed, all turf. It's just gonna be fence to fence grass. No more flower beds. I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm the lord of, of hell some mornings. I wake up and I'm standing outside like on a mountain of snail shells and like, come to me my minions. All these snails are like fucking slithering up me and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are. We will. When the kids are a bit bigger, then we're gonna put some new flower beds back in and we'll have more time to make our garden grow. To tend our garden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A gigantic mountain of snail shells, like they're everywhere. It's like an infestation. Oh god, it's terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're cute though, like you learn to love them after a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No snail, no. We've got like these harmless wasps as well, lots of them. There must be a nest somewhere, but they don't sting and they don't get angry. They just seem to be quite happy sort of buzzing around, you know, eating the grass or whatever. They're not cows!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, so these guys are just buzzing around everywhere, and at first we were like, holy shit, we've got like a wasp infestation, we gotta call somebody, you know, they're gonna have to come out here with the spray and the fucking, you know, the death dome thing that they put over your, you know, like on Breaking Bad, you know, when they cover your house and fumigate and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but then we spoke to somebody and he's like, oh no, they're like, they're, they're wood wasps, or, or, it's some name for them anyway, but they're like, harmless, they don't even fucking care, like, they're not the ones that are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, this is a nature program, we gotta do this. If I'm ripping around back there with the lawnmower or whatever, they could care fucking less. They're just like, yeah whatever, get on with it, they don't get angry or- They just sit there on the fence. I don't think they even have stingers. Cause they're just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're definitely, they definitely have like that, that, that.


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[Assistant] I mean, wasps have become like seagulls, right? Where they don't give a shit about nature anymore. All they want is our trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, we found, we found mecha. No longer do we need to, you know, waste a lot of time and effort trying to catch fish or like, you know, go into a flower and extract the sweet nectar. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We found these big green things, they're called dumpsters, they're filled with shitty diapers and other things that we could quite happily feed off of and, um, land on and spread, spread the germs around, like the wasps would do that. They're all over it. Seagulls are the worst. I don't even know how any seagull is actually alive right now. What are you talking about? Like, they are disgusting. The fucking shit that they eat is crazy. They're designed to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh well, maybe they're, maybe they're different in other parts of the world. I know the ones in Bristol are, uhm, quite aggressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Massive, loud as hell. The ones in Jersey are like a fucking menace, like everywhere you go. If you have food, even if you're thinking about food, they turn up. Okay? There doesn't even need to be food available. They're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit, that guy looks hungry. I better get down there and just fucking pester him a bit, cause I bet you there's gonna be some food at some point. And then they're all over you. You have to do the thing where you have to put your arms out in the air and convince them that you're a bigger seagull and they fly away. You have to do that from time to time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go. Man, it looks like a fucking seagull to me. Just like the wasps. You're trying to tell me that that wasp isn't a wasp. It looks like a fucking wasp to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, last time you were over, Lewis, don't knock it, because last time you were over, I saw you sniffing a flower, and I remember exactly what you said when you sniffed that flower. What did I say? I'm lying, I don't remember exactly what you said, but I'm pretty sure it was positive. You were trying to trick me. No, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure as hell do. Well, yeah, well, well, fuckin', get a load of this, okay? The only thing, the only thing we had to drink besides lake water was fuckin' crystallized peach punch, okay? That we mixed with lake water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, you had to bring it in like sachets, right? Like big, big, but not like little individual sachets. It was like fucking, uh, bulk ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was two things, sorry, we got like massively off track, sorry. It's way gone. Sorry man. It's okay. But yeah, so coming back to seagulls again, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get that there's like these garbage gulls, but they, they are seagulls still. No. They've just been, they're like corrupted seagulls. Yes. Okay, yeah. They're like fell seagulls. Beware the fell gull. Ah, beware the fell gull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These garbage gulls have become, they've lost, they've lost their way, you know, they used to be seagulls, they used to be out there, they command the ocean, you know, they would eat fish and like barnacles or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me the diapers! That's it, yeah. They're like, they're flying over and they're like, they, they look at the sea and then the romantic music starts playing and they're like, remember back when little Jimmy used to just eat fish out of the sea and occasionally he would have a barnacle as well and then, and then like the music stops and he spots a dumpster and he's like, ah!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I'm not wasting this perfectly good burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasps and not quite wasps. Margate. We've covered everything. We've covered pretty much the birds and the bees. It literally actually talked about the birds and the bees. Yeah. Oh, that's what we should call it. Definitely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, hit a seagull. Fuckin' got an, uh, an infestation of wasps as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you just want to be around him. Yeah. When I met Lewis for the first time, uh, I just, I was just shaking his hand and looking at him. There's like a glow coming off of him and I was just like, oh, it is just such an honor to meet you, sir. It is such an honor and a privilege.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Oh wow, I didn't know this, he was in a syndicated TV series, it's name was Acapulco Heat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was H dot E dot A dot T. Hemisphere Emergency Action Team. Hemisphere! Sounds like a back...


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[Assistant] They're not just two kids, they're your two kids. That makes it even worse.


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[Assistant] I just laughed at that. I didn't contribute. I just laughed. I just thought it was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about it this way, let's say you had an argument with a black guy in a pub, and you said, you called him, you said, you fucking N-word, and you said N-word, like you literally said it, you fucking N-word, like you didn't actually say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I think, the thing is I find myself swearing sometimes and I think that in a way it's lazy and ignorant of me to just use swear words, uh, when I could use a more colorful way of putting something, you know, some really put someone down with, with some cutting remark like referring to them as a nine year old Lebanese boy. Like that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's more cutting than just calling someone a dickhead. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] I think the only way to handle that, if you're letting something that someone said bother you that much, you're going away and stewing about it and thinking, oh shit, here's what I should have said. Just console yourself with the fact that what you came up with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you gain, for every 10 meters you fall, you gain, I think, is it 10 miles an hour? I could be wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fall a lot quicker than you think. Like, it doesn't take long to fall off a 12-storey building. Like, it's very fast, right? People fall very quickly. I don't think you'd have time to register the fact that you'd just gone splat. Like, that's it. It's just sort of over. I wouldn't worry about it, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awful. There's no, no action hero's big thing is blacking out at the worst time. Like it's like Arnie busts in there to bust out John Connor and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be really good. Didn't Deadpool blackout at one point? Yea, but under Jerez. Well there you go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends on the bear. Some bears you wanna play dead. Other bears, like I've heard, I've heard that people have had success by charging the bear and appearing aggressive and the bear is like, woah, maybe this guy knows something I don't and they'll sort of back off. Other times they'll just turn and just eat you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah, like many, many times. Really? Yeah, I've got kids- But you live in London, I guess, so. Yeah, I mean, eh, yeah, that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be like London, if you look at a map of the likelihood of being burgled, most of the work, most of the country is like green, right, as in really low chance. The whole of London is like yellow at least. So you're pretty much odds on that you're gonna get broken into at some point if you live in London.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd just get, uh, Mike's poopy screwdriver is what I'd weight him with. Oh, a poopy screwdriver. If you stabbed somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you ready? Oh, yes. Get ready, get comfortable. Hang on, hold on, let me just move the mic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is reasonably long compared to previous, it's two pages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega. Part tres. Or tre. I don't know how you say it.


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[Assistant] Five hours he'd been watching the pulsar sex pit and the only thing suspicious was that he couldn't find anything wrong. This wasn't right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Pit was a legendary hangout for every Laz, Slinger and Roid runner in the galaxy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of what could loosely be termed his compadres use this very spot to reminisce, catch up,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He couldn't pass up the chance to see everybody, even if it did feel suspiciously innocent. Too innocent. Like, way too innocent. 100% chance shit was going down here for that very reason. Guaranteed. 100%. Parking up, he ran a quick mental sitrep. Lazgun, cocked and loaded, naturally. Jetpack, ready to rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scramboots, humped to the max. Grabby grabby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega, said Bodega. A moment passed, then the door sprang open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, in the pit, said the vicar, grinning even more. If his grin extended any further, he was in danger of losing an ear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega headed down the dank corridor into the lobby, then descended a ramp towards the deafening sound of the pulsar sex pit in full flow. Music with so much bass, it was causing the planet's orbit to decay. Booze so strong, the toilets had to be reinforced with giga shields. And women, so betitted, Bodega had to wear


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He headed straight for the bar and ordered a pint of Mutant Ale. No sooner had he started talking than, BODEGA! screamed the man over the music, which the DJ promptly stopped. Silence in the pit. All eyes on Bodega. Pushing through the crowd, a huge Berkian approached. Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Been a while. Not seen you since, maybe two weeks ago. Been workin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Came back to wish you a happy birthday, Herc-Berc. Well, well, well, well, Bodega, back in the pit, said Herc-Berc, grinning. People sure were smiling a lot, Thor-Bodega. Too much. Too, too much smiling. Ain't no call for all this grinning and smiling, it ain't usual. We were hoping you'd come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me, Squiddles, Rhombus, Tregg and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember this guy, right? A huge man in a yellow jumpsuit stepped forward. Black skull mask and billowing red cape. Bodega couldn't see his face behind the mask, but he knew he'd be smiling like the rest of these humfunkers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit was about to get extremely real in this place, and many, many people were about to be separated from the body parts they held most dear. Bodega intended to get out of this in one piece, and if that meant the end of the pulsar sex pit and everybody in it, or even within sight of it, so be it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega knew three things had to happen with the next second or he'd be toast. First!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pit was full, so that was maybe 200 people. No problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He stamped down on the button in the heel of his right boot and waves of patented Happy Thoughts brain-musher poured out of the toe and blasted everybody within 50 meters. Half of the women end up on the floor drooling. The other half would become deeply acquainted with the inside of their own eyelids and spend the next year singing a song about a little flea named Peter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Second, he needed to nail the people unaffected by the brain musher, which was anyone with half an idea about bodega and what he was capable of, since they would have taken a dose of brain shield. That meant the five morons had set this whole thing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally, plan D, deal with Blatchman. No doubt he'd got something disgusting up his sleeve, that cape-wearing jumpsuit-adorned-pendejo-shitbird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scramboots propelling him across the room. He connected with Blatchman's jaw with all the fury of a man invited to a birthday party only to be betrayed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, was the grabby grab still attached? No, no, it just shoots out. Okay. And, and thirdly, the entire bar on its arse, one way or another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega did the decent thing and left. Lazgun out. He seared a hole in the ceiling and jetpacked gratefully to a height of 200 meters before hovering, setting wide angle beam on the Lazgun and raising the entire plate and everyone in it to the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty sure that he could, if needed, fire it out with like a line attached if he actually had to pull something to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, let me tell you something. There is a Bodega fanfic subreddit. I'm not even kidding. Someone set one up and all I get sent now on Twitter is drawings of Bodega, fiction that people have written set in the Bodega universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, this guy wrote an aftermath to part one, part uno. So it was like what happened in the bar after Bodega had gone, which was quite good. And he didn't kill one of the guys and the guy that he didn't kill tortured, uh, Floop the barman to find out where Bodega went. And that kind of sets up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, is that what it's called? Triska, Triska decaphobia. Yeah. And, um, I forgot and just did it anyway. Sorry, sorry to that guy. Um, or girl, probably guy. Let's be, let's be real. So, uh, what has been happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think if we do a quick straw poll of our audience, I think a lot of them are gentlemen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sexuality's very fluid. You can be attracted to all sorts of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really need to just stop you from going down this path.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cool, whatever you're into, keep it to yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That way, there'll be more, well cause look, you have to like, you know, say that you're cool with like these, these, these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've met like an alien race, okay. There's a good chance they're not just gonna be, you know, the Star Trek between five foot eight, six foot two, nice, nice teeth, you know, American accent. That's pretty unlikely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, we enslaved this minor race who go around cleaning up all the poop and they use it for energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They make decisions based on really dumb things. Whether it's, yeah, Vulcan or a robot or a ball or whatever. They're all the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I have a real problem with the Vulcans in Star Trek, okay. It's almost like, like the, you know, every, like the holodeck, okay. The holodeck is a liability, you know, waiting to happen. It's, it's gone wrong so many times. So many people have almost died. So many times it's almost like fucking destroy the ship. It's ridiculous, okay. It's super dangerous. And Vulcans are the same. They're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bullshit. Like, there's always, every sort of seventh or eighth episode, someone, there's some medical illness or some bullshit that's going on with someone, where they've gone crazy for some reason. And medical science is at a loss, okay? They're like, oh, their brain chemistry's all scrambled, what are we gonna do? We can't, the neural stimulator's not working. And the Vulcan is like, step aside. How about we try a mind meld? It's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just thinking of like a guy out of Mortal Kombat or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Girl slips, give us your dad basement dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my goodness. So let's move on to what games you guys have been playing this week. What have you guys been playing that's good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tough, rough around the edges. It is a bit, yeah. A little bit. A little bit janky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm annoyed about that. And then I bought like a series of kind of, um, RPG type. I just fancied like a dungeon crawly roguelike RPG sort of experience for a change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Simon came in this week and was chatting to me after we recorded Wailords about how basically he still plays WoW a lot. Yeah. Do you play, do you ever play WoW, P-Flags? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a memory trick. It's like a certain smell that does stuff. Yeah, there are certain elements in life that do that. Like the trick that jog your memory from a specific time and place, you know, when you were doing something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically guys, this is to all the listeners out there, if you are interested in something, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taking like a crate of archers, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, beautiful sunny day out there, but I'm playing WoW with drinking, just drinking Arches every night till I got fucking wasted. Waking up the next day, you know, going to work, sunny day, come home, play WoW and drink Arches. It was, it was a wonderful, happy time of my life. Just a syrupy, peachy, sugary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, wow, flavored mess. Man, I don't know how I climbed out of that hole, but I did. Eventually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You bump into fucking Xylus out there or, you know, you're saying guild chat, hey, does anyone want to do this? And it's like, you know, you just get together a bunch of random people, like, you know, like some random people from the office are playing and one of hat films or, you know, someone, you know, from somewhere, you know, some, someone you went to school with and suddenly you're in a little group and you're chatting away. It's, I don't know. It's like one of those, it's one of these really, it's really nice when everyone's playing the same game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, you know, I don't know, I feel that it's, the social passion is what's exciting for me. You know, I think that's why people like it and I think that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, there's going to be a bunch of us doing it then, and everyone sort of felt like other people were playing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think our attention span is short.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You basically were so salty that you couldn't play on the EU servers, you were so mad that you fucking literally made an account on the US servers and played there instead. Well I could actually log in and play, so it made sense at the time. So we couldn't play together, which was like super annoying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are, we are, we are often blinded by the allure of newness, uhm, in our culture. That everyone thinks that because something is new, it will be some, for some reason, better or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes, you know, that's not necessarily the case. No, I guess not. Wow. What a boring chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like the segment of the podcast where we like, we get serious about games. Cause we, games are a huge part of what we, what we do and how we, our lives may happen forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the thing, right? I think that you can have a lot of fun doing anything with friends, right? If, you know, if you, if you've just got a bunch of you around and you've got a, even like a fucking shit game like Monopoly, you know, it can still be a good laugh if you've got the right people around the table. Um, I guess why, why, we, we play games for a living and that's kind of a weird thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the, one of the things that I've been doing lately very much is playing the games that I really enjoy. You know, like you said, playing Hearts of Iron, playing Civ, playing certain sort of crappy walking simulators with Duncan, playing like these Minecraft mod packs. I've been playing a lot of games that I enjoy. What I haven't been doing really is the other sort of, some of the other things I would like to do. So I'd like to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the thing with D&D, right? I think it's a little bit like a superhero movie if you're not careful, where you can't die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Because, it's, it would ruin it. It's like, you know, you can't watch a Batman film, it's, anyway, it's like, oh, is Batman gonna die in this bit? Is he gonna, is Superman gonna die in this bit? You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that makes it better, right, because then you're more invested, you're more interested. I think high rollers are really, I don't know if you've watched any of high rollers, it's uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Sunday D&D stream which Mark Humes runs as a GM and that's very classic D&D and it's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's great, uhm, because all the characters kind of love their, all the guys love their characters and you can tell when they're interested, but I feel like there's no, there should be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well exactly, this is like, uh, I dunno, I feel like, I feel like uhm-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also feel like the problem with D&D is everyone's got so much health and healing and revives and recoveries and all this bullshit that, you know, someone gets stabbed through, you know, or bitten by a bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And York's Quest was this one where we kind of, the idea we had was this left for dead, safe for room mechanic, right? So if your character was stupid or unlucky or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having a character to start with but then having that grow and then being sad when they die but also excited to pick up a new...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the difficulty that I have is that when I wanna make videos, uh, for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, on D&D and things like this, I wanna have it be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 20 minute videos, right? I don't want to have it be a four hour live stream every week, you know, because I think that's, I mean, that's, that's what the D&D pace is pretty slow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of the nature of the dice rolling and the mechanics and all that stuff. But I think as you get more adept at it, more comfortable with it, you get better. And I think that with practice comes a bit of expertise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I guess I don't want to stifle the kind of energy and creativity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is a fucking amazing experience to like, just take on like a skin of someone else and play an exciting and dynamic and good story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With actual real fear, like if you, if you actually are attached to this character and you actually are feared of them, I think that a lot of the time people in D&D


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, alright, okay, point taken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can be like a Hmong man or fatty or whatever you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like a British prison would be, is a little bit different too, but I'm sure it'd still be overcrowded and gross and they'll be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess everyone will have English accents in there, you know, all the, all the other criminals from other countries will be extradited. It will be, it'll be a bunch of fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Social, social creeping. As you creep in on me while I'm sleeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was huge, like now it's not as, now it's sort of, it's kicked off that whole reality, I mean it wasn't just Big Brother, but that was like the big poster jug for reality TV. It really was, wasn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using real people. Like I think in the past people would watch things like Top of the Pops and stuff like that for their musical content and now that there's none of that on TV, people just listen to music online now that what people are interested in is watching real people sing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be honest with you, I think the teachers just think, good god, I need a cigarette and a cup of coffee. So they say, right kids, it's nap time. And all the kids think, yay, nap time. And they will go and run and they sort of have a little quiet time. Like sometimes if you go to the school during the day, all the lights are turned down and the kids will sort of- Yeaah. But they're not though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've often thought that of all the shows out there, uh, I've yet to see one that would be a reality show, like Time Commanders or something, I would go on in a heartbeat, right? That's not really a reality show, it's more like a game show. Like I wouldn't mind going on a game show, but going on a reality show where they have to watch you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there are so few real celebrities out there that aren't doing the thing that made them famous in the first place. Like if you're an actor or a musician or something like that, you're doing that thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these people were famous for being on a TV show. They have nothing else to do. So if they're not on TV, what are they? They're not famous anymore. They're not gonna be in the Daily Mail online section because they bought a new swimsuit. So they gotta stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's the thing, isn't it? I mean, they have a management person who'll be like, that's the person who'll say, right, we need to raise your profile, so we need you to do something. Like, their lifestyle is their job. I mean, I think if you look at, a lot of them burn out because it must be fucking hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To have to live your life in the, in the public eyes specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awful. I mean, if you look at what it does to them, eventually they just fucking burn out and crash. And I think as well, once they're not in their 20s anymore, and beautiful, then people are like, oh man, look how old they are. Then they just sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, she had the perfect story, honestly. She even, she even died, rounded it off.