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[Assistant] Tried out for 100 nights, risk free. Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by GQ and Wired Magazine.


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[Assistant] Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash nate. That's up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows at helixsleep.com slash nate.


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[Assistant] And thank you, uh, Magic Spoon. Growing up cereal is, uh, obviously one of the best. He loves cereal so much. And Magic Spoon makes it.


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[Assistant] It's just easy. It's a thing. Look, you got breakfast, you get a, you don't get to worry about eating unhealthy. You're like, I make a bowl of magic spoon and then I'm off. That decision of breakfast is gone. Make a good decision and then you're eating good. I'm trying to do that now. Uh, uh.


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[Assistant] Zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. Only 140 calories a serving. It's keto friendly.


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[Assistant] It is, I need Magic Spoon. It is a perfect option. Go to magicspoon.com slash Nate to grab a variety pack and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code Nate at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they will refund your money. No questions asked. Remember.


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[Assistant] Give your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash nate.


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[Assistant] And use the code Nate to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You probably should. Yeah, yeah, but it's all the important stuff. You're at least getting your vitamins. Hey, at least do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I was thinking about it too. I was like, oh, maybe I'll learn with, uh, I was like, maybe I'll do it with Harper. Like, you know, and I was like that, I was, you know, I was thinking about, like, as we're doing it. Well, you can. You're fine with English only? So what do you feel about, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this week, so we have, so Bates, I think we have Bates, uh, you know, he did, he worked for us, he worked last night, uh, helped us, uh, I was on vacation with Cole, so I know he was doing nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he looked up all the stuff we were talking about today, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are we talking about? We're talking about fad diets and exercise. Oh yea. Oh yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so big of part of this is, uh, some of us are, you're gardening now, right? Yes. That's a big part of it. Yeah. Uh, and then Mike, you're weirdo that fast and sleeps upside down. And, uh, what else do you do, Mike? I feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yours is, you've always been out of the 18 years or whatever it's been, uh, you've always been like, you've always been on something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, the doctors get an eye on you. Like they're like, how's he doing? I'm a tank and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They go, you're, you're getting us to Ohio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's so many kids removed that like, there's, if, if ye, if, like if you could ever meet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do want your, I would say like if you could change your family for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't know, a hundred years. Like if you could be like, I hope our family is your, your, your legacy of your family name and your family keeps making it go higher and higher and higher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a great, uh, Kurt Metzger joke where he said, uh, when they first, because when they first heard about it, he goes, what is it? He goes, it's, oh, it's real people that died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have that and he goes, when I first heard about it, I was like, wait, do they catch that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go, we have to alter it out every now and again. Uh, no, it's like- I wonder what the gift shop is like. Here? Yeaah. Yeaah. Probably a t-shirt. Yeaah, it's a lot of clothing. I think. Yeaah. You walk in there and you go, do y'all sell coats here? Like you just feel like you want a coat when you leave? I feel like I've seen too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, but yea, you're, you've been a, you've been a, uh, done all the diets. You used to cut weight. Yea. When you were, you were wrestling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you have a food line. Didn't you have, were you the depression? When were you born?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, you just got bread. I made it to the world where there's a food line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's almost finishing something. It almost like trains you to finish something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back then, you know, it was like people are starving, like you have the luxury of having this dinner. So eat the dinner. Don't, it was teaching kids not to be like, you can't, I don't want peas. And then you're like, there's a kid out there that would


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like respect the fact that that's even here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's some of that should still be taught. I'm not saying you have to jam it all down your throat, but like, I don't think it's bad to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we did that too. Like, like when you, when you grow up, obviously you guys grew up wealthy and when you, when you grow up, uh, with, uh, with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like every night's chicken. Yeah. And then, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why I don't like, that's why now, like when I go eat food, like I can, uh, I don't, I just don't, like I like good food and we go eat at it, but I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could somewhat, I don't need to go eat at a nice restaurant. It would be wasted on me every time. Like if I can go sometimes and appreciate it, there's a lot of times you're like, it would just be wasted. Like I don't appreciate this food like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone, you know, like someone that loves food, like Travis. Uh, like Travis, like, you know, they worked in restaurants their whole life. So Travis, like, loves food, this is so good. So his relationship with food is like way different than mine. Mine's kind of like, eh, trying to get the job done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done stuff like that. I'm better at that now. I'll actually go and like do something, but I used to, I used to be like that, but I've gotten, I've at least gotten a little bit better with like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I just take medium rare. Like it's a very well done was like the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, no ketchup, yeaah. You know, you don't get ice in your wine. Uh, what's others?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They give like a little one and you're like, what are we doing here, dude? What do you think we're going to do with this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're basically, when you wrestle, you're trying to fight a weight class below your natural weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was telling him, so I saw Michael Chandler when we were on vacation this week, he was like in the pool. And I noticed him, he's a UFC fighter. Uh, great big time fighter. And so I saw him and I was like, you know, I get excited when I see a UFC guy. So I like talked to him for a second and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he, like he knows, we talk about Greg Warren a lot. Right. Who's a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a very, very funny comic. And so, he's from Missouri, Greg Warren, uh, people don't know, he's an All-American at Missouri. He wrestled and his face is on the wall. Greg Warren's the real...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did their, uh, yeah, so like, but he, like the fact that he was like, he was like, oh yeah, Greg's the real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever have any YouTube, do you have any fights worthy of that? Like did you ever get beat up? Like have play go against- I had a guy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, and you don't even know what happened, like you're just, you think like, oh it's going good, then you're like up in the air, then on the floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is it speed or strength? Like would you feel, like would some people be just like, oh, this guy's just stronger or is it speed or like they're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think there is a mental, like, there's something that makes you want to.


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[Assistant] Go that crazy. There's something that's not, that's, like, already your path is chosen.


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[Assistant] Like I almost like, they are wired to, I thought of it with like drinking, with like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I always think like, gambling and drinking is like a good, like, gambling to me is like how most people would drink. Where they're like, I could do it, I like doing it, it's a fun time to go do it, I don't need to go do it. If I don't do it for a year, I don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but if we're going to Vegas, it's like, oh yeah, let's go. Let's uh, I'm excited to do it. And then you're like, that's the point of going, but then I can back off and we're drinking was like, sometimes you would be like, all right, well I would, I would go out and we drink and I didn't know how to like, once I started, it was like, well, I wasn't going to stop. I was, we'll just keep going until it was not like I could go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so my relationship with those two things are completely different. And I always think about that with, like, cause it's like, oh my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With gambling, it's like, oh, that's, I don't have a problem with that. I will never, I don't think I'll ever have a problem with gambling because I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one is like a little different, like you would see these UFC guys and you think like they get somebody in an arm bar and you're like you might break their arm and they're fine with breaking that person's arm. Where most people would be like I'm not gonna break, I can't, I don't wanna feel your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they are like, I want to fill it. So if you don't want to tap, I will just break it in front of everybody. And like that want to like, there's something that's like, that makes that person like, that's all they think about. Think about with comedy. Like with comedy, with, so with, with wrestling was like, it seems like you have the want and the talent and the everything to get to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically the highest level that you can get to. And then, but then there's a separation of going like the way you want comedy is the way those guys want wrestling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're willing to give up everything for comedy and go down this road and like go do the worst of the worst and do all this kind of stuff. And in wrestling, there's at least maybe a voice in the back of your head that's like, I mean, what are we doing here? Like, you know, at least some hesitation. Like, so like there's like, that's what I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have the wiring to be that, but I didn't, but I don't know if it's for wrestling. It's for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't, yeah, I agree with that. Like I wasn't aware to, I wish I was, that's what I was thinking about back in high school. Like I wish I would have been more aware. I'm always amazed when I hear kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they talk about their plans and where they're going to go to college and I'm like, I wasn't even, I was just, I was day by day. I went to school that day, I went home and then the next day I went to school. Like I never thought forward. And so I never did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it wasn't until comedy that I was like, oh, and I like grasped onto this thing that I was like, well I will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I became obsessive over it. And so maybe it's like, that's what you gotta do. You gotta find your thing that's obsessive, whether it's wrestling. It doesn't have to be a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entertainment aspect to it or something. It can be whatever. It's your business or it's, I mean, it could be marketing. It could be, but I want my own marketing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the obsessiveness of being like, I want to be. You got to find whatever can make you whatever, like when you're no matter what you're doing, you're always thinking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're always like, you know, you don't, if you turn your brain off and be like, oh, I clock out, I'm done working. Like that's a, when you're a pesticide job, you're like, you don't care. Like you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, you're ready to go. So it's like, you, you gotta almost like see, well, what's your thing that's going to be like, I'll do this for the rest of my life. I'll do it for free. And you don't want to do it for free, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you have the mindset of doing something, like these wrestlers would be like, you know, they're just wrestle a dude in this parking lot. Like they just have to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like comic. We're doing good in comic. You're like, I'm alone. Right. Like there's a, there's a, there's an awesomeness to it that's like, dude, I'm by myself with this. Yeah. No one's, you know, here. Right. It's great. Right. There, uh, I get that mind, the mindset of, I was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this thing about? Like I think I've never like thought too far ahead. I think when you're becoming a system of two, it's about like they're only like, I would think the wrestlers and I think it was stand up is like, you're only thinking about that fight. And like, so you're only like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what you see what happens with football teams when they lose or in March Madness, they lose because they, they kind of look past someone. And it's like, that's the part of a mental aspect is like really being like, do the thing that you're doing at that moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry about what it's going to become and lead. If you don't do this, it will not become this. And so that's a constant reminder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about earlier about working on, is like being the moment, like try to, when you're telling jokes on stage, really be in the moment. You're like, nothing will come good if this does not go good. I can, I can dream all day. I have 20,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three hours of a day to dream. And when I have one hour of that stage, uh, that needs to be, cause those dreams have no chance if I don't deliver for that one hour. And you got to train yourself to like do that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, but like just being in the moment is your, your, cause your focus is there and so much people's focus is your mind's a million different areas. And if you can train your mind to get in that moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, you're, you're going to be pretty great at what you're doing because you're, you're only thinking about that. Like that's, that is a great, with Tom Brady and them coming back like that. It's like, that's, you could tell the Falcons, your borderline like, yo dude, we're going to, like, we might win by 50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then so they even that kind of dreamy kind of like you're half like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they get to go and go, this is the only thing that matters is today. Who cares about where this is going to lead, whatever, it doesn't matter. None of this stuff happens, whether you do it, all that matters is right this way. Right, what's the downing distance? Just get this, this is what we got this one play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if this one plays great? Let's try to make it great. And then it's like, but that is draining to do that. And so like that's a gigantic like training to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just mentally, you know, just to keep pulling yourself back into the moment is, I mean that's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that, I try to sometimes change up even little words, words that don't really matter in a joke, like the ands, the these, or the rhythms, or, it's like sometimes those change a little bit in my jokes, and that's to kind of give you that, like just so even when I'm telling an older joke, I kind of say it like, it's a little different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The main points are all there. I don't know if a person saw both would even think they're different. But to me in my head...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, well, the other day I went over, like I might say, I usually would say like, oh, I went to the mall. And then I say, well, the other day I went to the mall. And like, it's that simple of a thing. But it's like, because I set it up with that rhythm, well, now it's all kind of like, you're kind of off balance because you're like, it's not, I'm just not stuck in the same, ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you just change it up a little bit like that to kind of keep you like, you know, refocused and be in the moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you should go, well, how do I make it better? It's like, but then it's like, I figured it out for that, for those words that success works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't mean it works for the next success. So then the new words that come with the new jokes, you're like, well now I've got to build a whole new, it's like everything's got to keep like, and you got to keep that mindset. And that's when comics gets stuck and they do the same act for 50 years is because they go, yeah, it works and it still does work and you get laughs, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just, it's always just, you built it up to this high level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you just ride it out and it's like, you just didn't know, you know, people come less and less to see you and you have a good life and you do stuff, but you don't, you just, you never make it to the, to, I don't know where they want it to make it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's about me being funny, you being funny. Like, you gotta learn the years it takes to learn for you to be funny. What makes you funny? Where it's, the jokes can be funny, but you can be unlikable, you can be a lot of things. And what is you, what is funny about you? When people watch you, what are they like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's just, anything he says I think is funny. You're like, that takes a long time to figure out what that is. And I don't even know if there's an answer. Like you just go, I don't know, man. It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever it is, it is. It's hard to describe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's, you know, it's, uh, I'm not saying about me, but I'm saying like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but it's like yea, you're just constantly got, you're doing something. So you're just like, it kind of keeps your appetite. I mean, besides the unhealthiness of smoking, you're like, that's, I mean, it's true. It would make you scared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty active. Oh well, that's good. Your weight watch is the key. That's the big one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're, uh, no. I'd like to see that they both come knock on your door and they're both, they just both turn down the driveway together and they're like, and you're like, hey, you know, who wants to go first? You're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard, it's tough to follow, you know, uh, I imagine I'd let the Girl Scouts go first. I'm like, I don't want to, you know, maybe it's tough to follow, but you'd like, at least I got an angle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So funny to see. Wait, why does they have to go? Why are you picking me? They just go by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just look at the outside, what your house looks like, you know. Got a lot of stuff in the yard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should do it all the time. As you walk to it, it opens and you just walk in, go sit like a cock. I would even, I would make your front doors not even be able to open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a shake for lunch, dinner. I mean, it's like, it's like all the, all the diets are just like, yeah, dude, just don't eat like a little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say do a sensible breakfast and then do your lunch and dinner. That's what I, I think you gotta be, look, you can wake up and be a lunatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're gonna do a diet, but then you gotta be good, then from there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean I think, you know, you're gonna be, I mean I guess, you know. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But why did y'all just go with the name AIDS? Why did they call AIDS AIDS?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's an acronym, yeah. Yeah, it's tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, we're not even using the eye. You know, they had to talk about it. He goes, what's a why? And I go, but it's, it's just not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's like the, I think it's probably watching this kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you basically do anything, you will lose weight. That's all, like all this stuff is like, that's why this stuff-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of can keep going because you're like, yeah, just do something and then it's, you're going to lose weight, but it's hard to beat you. You want mentally, you want to like, it's easier to wrap your head around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, a specific way. Like, it's just, that's what you think. You go, well, if you give me some way to do it. And then, oh yeaah. It's a goal, almost. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we, we taped the stand-ups. And then so it was me, Vecchione, Soder, we all just did like an Airbnb and it was like this awesome house. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we, so we just, and it was right when all this was going, like it started. Now people don't talk about it that much. No, but it was on the cover of People Magazine. Yea, yea, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a big story. We never saw him. We never saw him. Never came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember it. I don't know, I can't tell if I ever, I don't remember if I ever had it, like I was younger, so I don't know if I would have ever ate it. I will say it looks disgusting. Yeah, 91% fat free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like almost a kind of a mindless way to do it, which is good. It's like, it's just like, like he'll eat when he goes and eats with us, like he'll either be not eating at the table or he'll go eat with us and eats a normal, like eats with us. Like you'd be like, Oh, what's your special? I'll try that. Like, you know, and so you're, you're getting to do a fix of both. You just have a feeding window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it? Uh, I don't even remember. We, uh, Honey Nut Cheerios I think was probably the most, you know. Did the bee get ya?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no. Suck in, or? But. Flavor? Yeah. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We loved it though. I think we ate it the most. My dad used to make me have to throw it away in the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would always say you should save it, but I'd always dig in. I would save it. Really? I would save it. Yeah. Dusty, what was your- Y'all were gonna have Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we were never a big bag people either. We were, we did, uh, we would do name brand. Yeah. And which was nice. Uh, my parents did a great job with that. Cause I mean, people talk about bags and so you're like, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it definitely would if you ate. I mean, if you, I think if you ate, you're, so you're gardening, you're making your own food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time. You have some time? Yeah. Growing. Yeah. Like the herbs. Oh, yeah. Man, I didn't know there was an herb called thyme. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the lamb at? Tell me the last time you walked by a lamb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lamb live sheep before the age of one. Good, nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A gyro. So maybe we do need to at least respect the name a little bit. The fact that we're eating this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Shepard. The Shepard makes the choice. The Shepard makes the choice. Yeah, you are, uh, you all be eating and they're like, oh, and then they go, you will be coats. Really a much harder part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. He goes, you could have been a sense. He goes, I know. I appreciate it. That I'm not. But why would you not just cut our hair like in the summer? Like it's, it's cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't look strong in the after picture. I bet he could dunk right when he got it off. Like just the fact that his calves are jacked after that. Like he just goes, he runs through, touches the top of the barn door and they're like, look at you. He goes, like a new man, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they weirdly only walk on like sharp sides of mountains. Like they won't, like sheep are never just, you never, you know, like, hey man, why don't you find like a flat area before you can't see. And he's like, ah, cause I've been on this mountain for, side of it. It's the steepest mountain. That's what they do, right? Or is it rams? What's a ram?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a, yeah. They would like, would they be at the Famer reunion?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like so little. I know. You're a little distant. You're too far. So like a goat, a ram, and a sheep, they're at the family. I mean, they're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, we're close, I know what the goats are doing.


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[Assistant] Over my brother's school and Henry's golf course, they kind of back up to each other. And so Derek and then we'll get like, they get sheep like all over there. Cause there's just a herd of, I mean, goats or, or maybe it's sheep. They do sheep.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's random. They go, uh, no, I think they have sheep, right? And so they, and they're just wandering. You go play Herman's golf course and there'd be just, I mean, a giant herd of sheep. They'll just be out there and they just let them wander.


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[Assistant] It's the sexy version. You never heard of it, right? Or something. I've heard of all these, you know,


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[Assistant] That's where that cuts off. Yeah, that's it. That's good.


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[Assistant] Uh, well yeaah. A lot of fun stuff. You know who didn't hurt his self? It's uh, Chase, my merch, uh, the guy that sells merch. Which by the way, we were saying, uh, this is like a, hold on. Uh, my voice, I think it's still the same.


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[Assistant] So, uh, we did, so Chase, so people think, a lot of people think Chase is my son.


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[Assistant] Like, so if you see, if you go see Chase, if you go see the, the, the, the guy that sells merch, he's 22, I think, he's never heard of the South Beach Tide, I don't, like it's like, he's like so young.


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[Assistant] And, but a lot of people, they think, because he, I mean, you look at him, he kind of looks like me.


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[Assistant] Uh, which is very hilarious to think that of all the personal stuff I talk about on stage, I just wouldn't talk about my 23 year old son. Like I talk about my dad, my parents, I talk about my brother, sister, my wife, my daughter, and I just never mentioned.


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[Assistant] Like that, that's, by the way, I have a 23 year old son that we just kind of keep on the back burner.


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[Assistant] So if you, but we wanted, we had, he, he, he just always laughs at the fact that people say that to him. But if you go by merch, I'm not telling you, you look, you don't have to, I'm not forcing anybody to do anything.


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[Assistant] If you're buying merch, definitely bring up, like, oh, you're Nate's son, right? Like he never talks about. Just say that to him constantly. Even if you don't buy merch, maybe just go by and say something that we're going to see how long it takes till he will come back to me. Don't make it, don't say you heard it on the podcast. Don't make it a big deal.


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[Assistant] And I want to see when he will eventually go and like, if he figures out like, how are they, it's becoming more aggressive. It's becoming a problem, honestly.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you know, cause I, there is, it is, it's so funny to think I could have a son and just never, never brought


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[Assistant] And out of you, you're like, what is he talking about? His life? He only talks about his life.


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[Assistant] By the way, I have a son that's 23 and he's selling merch for me.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, well, hopefully we have baby baits by now. We do not know yet. Uh, but, uh, we, uh, pray that everybody's safe. Everybody's doing good. Uh,


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[Assistant] Next time you see Bates, he will be a father, which is, uh, very fun.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm out on the road. I'm, uh, you can go check everything out. Vecchione's, everybody's on the road. Vecchione's on the road. This is Zainy's, Nashville, Tennessee. April 19th. April 19th.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, as always, we love you guys, uh, we've been gone a while. It's nice to talk to you. Thank you for, everybody's been coming to these shows, everybody's been so nice and I've got to meet a lot of folks. Uh, and we appreciate it. Uh, keep, uh, baiting in your prayers and, uh, we will see you next week. Baits will be a new man.


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[Assistant] Sitting up taller. We love you.


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[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


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[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


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[Assistant] We had a few people say that he sounded like David Kechner or Todd Packer from The Office.


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[Assistant] And then like Travis with Jay Cutler, how he can stand and then he met him and it was like Keith Hernandez and Newman.


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[Assistant] I think the, is it the red clay down there on the golf?


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[Assistant] I think he listed the cheerleaders name. I took it out because it was kind of hard to pronounce, but I think it was a specific guy on the team that cheerleading squads it.


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[Assistant] What pills do you have to take so many that you have to keep up with?


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[Assistant] He's driving around. He's driving around. LASIK? Is that an option?


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[Assistant] I think Colgate, you'll Colgate your apology because the last episode you're on, you're like, it looks just like quarter zone.


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[Assistant] Was it Harper's Bazaar magazine for that date?


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[Assistant] Well, I looked this up because I thought this doesn't even sound real, but it is real. Uhm, is real. Uhm.


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[Assistant] They, uh, brought Pepsi to the Soviet Union. Soviet Union money was no good at that time. So they're like, we got to give us something else. So they gave them all this war equipment and then Pepsi sold it to some Swedish


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[Assistant] It's probably old equipment and then they just sold it to this place.


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[Assistant] And then the next time it was too much, so they're like, you gotta give us up more. And it was military.


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[Assistant] You're the only one who, I mean, those are all totally different people from the Grammy nomination. So you're the only one that's doing multiple nominations.


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[Assistant] I mean, I went back to my seat and there were still people in line beside me.


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[Assistant] Now there were two on each side, but in two long rows on this, it was a big foot, but my row, it was all the way.


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[Assistant] I got a coffee like at five o'clock before the show and Leah said, I can't do that. I'd be up all night. And she says, is Nate.


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[Assistant] I said, Nate will have a diet Pepsi at midnight or just whenever, right? Like you never stop.


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[Assistant] And they're just, everyone have just been shooting the camera out. He's like, turn it around and shoot it back toward us. And there's a picture of...


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[Assistant] Just how small and insignificant you are. And, and what, so who was out there?


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[Assistant] That's, uh, one of our, uh, Voyager 2, one of our, uh, spaceships that we've sent out. It's now left our solar system.


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[Assistant] We've talked about this in a previous episode. They put gold-plated records on there.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And it'll go on, they think, for, you know, centuries.


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[Assistant] Forever, like, it, it, it don't hit nothing, it just keeps going.


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[Assistant] Yeah. But he wrote this thing about how everything in the history of mankind, every life, every heartbreak, every, it's very well put. It's happened to that little beady pale blue dot. You start thinking about it and it's pretty crazy.


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[Assistant] Deep Impact and Armageddon came out almost back to back. I don't know if I saw Deep Impact.


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[Assistant] The universe so big, there's a lot of numbers here, you can be like, there's no way they know that. And you're going to be right, I think, because you're like, how would they know this? So the universe is 13.8 billion years old, according to scientists.


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[Assistant] The big bang happened 13.8 million years ago. And then everything's just been expanding out.


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[Assistant] Some Christians believe the Big Bang, but they feel like God still did it. He was in charge of it.


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[Assistant] It's still taking time for it to even get to our eyes. That makes sense.


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[Assistant] The sun's 93 million miles away from the Earth, so it takes sunlight 8 minutes and 20 seconds to reach Earth.


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[Assistant] Like if, what's out there? I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah. Balloons expanding, there was something before it got there. So what is that?


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[Assistant] Well, I guess we named it the solar system. But I feel like that's like galaxy or planet.


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[Assistant] Hey Aaron, I'm here. There's 200 billion trillion stars in the universe.


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[Assistant] And when I went to Australia, you can see planets there that you, I mean, uh, stars there you can't see here.


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[Assistant] I think that's right, because we're in a different hemisphere, so you can't see it.


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[Assistant] This philosopher, uhm, said that he thinks we're simulation. Elon Musk says he thinks there's an excellent chance that this is just one big, like The Matrix. Have you seen The Matrix movies?


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[Assistant] You know, Neo and a few other people, they take the whatever pill that shows you the truth and...


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[Assistant] That's how he could learn Kung Fu or how to fly a helicopter, whatever. They would just upload a program to him and he would immediately learn it.


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[Assistant] Well, there was an architect that Neo confronts at the end. That's just a white guy with a white beard or whatever. But yes, that's what I was about to say. I think that to me that seems like God.


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[Assistant] Don't think there is a God in that, but now they're like, no, I think this is a simulation. There is someone behind it. Well, that's kind of what.


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[Assistant] Glitch in the matrix, because some stuff had been happening.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but no, they like, they really feel like if there's a architect where it could be his kid with a joystick just messing with this.


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[Assistant] So it's, yeah, so when all that weird stuff started, I mean, weird stuff happens throughout history, but those are the examples they gave. Tom Brady making a comeback against the Falcons.


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[Assistant] Another movie about to come out, the Spider-Man, new Spider-Man movie is about parallel universes.


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[Assistant] And some people think they're parallel universes, alternate universes.


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[Assistant] One example that they excite. In 1954, a man showed up at the airport in Tokyo.


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[Assistant] He, uh, his passport showed him from a country that did not exist. It's called Turrad. And he said he's from there. And they said point it out on a map. And he pointed it out and it was near France and Spain. He could share, he could speak different languages. They couldn't find it anywhere. So they thought maybe something's up.


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[Assistant] They put him in a hotel room and guarded the hotel room until they could figure out what to do. The next morning, the man's gone.


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[Assistant] And he was on like the sixth floor or something like that. He was completely gone, disappeared.


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[Assistant] So people are say maybe somehow parallel universes, they got crossed up and he ended up in ours and he's in a world in that world where it's called a different country.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, if we're all on the same timeline, I guess, FutureThem might know, just like Future Us might know, but... Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, the argument is there's multiple of us doing different things. Just one decision we make and another one lady said that she came home one day and she had a different boyfriend.


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[Assistant] She thinks it's because of a parallel universe, but I think she just...


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[Assistant] The universe is just so infinite that it goes on forever. I don't even know why parallel universe seems like a big thing. It seems like if it just goes on forever, eventually it will be another one of us out there.


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[Assistant] Because the reason there's life on earth, they say, is because it's just right. It's not too far or too close to the sun.


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[Assistant] You would have to change the whole atmosphere to be able to live there. That seems like a lot.


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[Assistant] They're also talking about terraforming where you like spray stuff in the atmosphere, kind of like global warming, but it causes it to be more like us. You dim the sun. You dim the sun. You just bring a lot of plastic up there.


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[Assistant] I mean, some Christians believe that's proof that we're special and that God just created us and that's why there's no one else out in the universe. I don't think those have to be mutually exclusive.


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[Assistant] God can make other living creatures and still be God.


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[Assistant] All the previous villains that all the different Spider-Mans have fought all somehow come into ours because the worlds have opened up.


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[Assistant] It seemed like it would be easier to go to the past. Yeah, your memories are already there. Then go to the future.


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[Assistant] Time travel is theoretically possible. It's, it's kinda happened, travel of the future. The faster you go, the slower time speeds, time happens. So uhm, they put two clocks, we have one on Earth and one on an airplane, and the airplane traveled around the world, and when they got back, they were slightly different.


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[Assistant] The faster, Einstein said the faster you travel, the slower you experience time. So that one clock's staying on Earth, the other flew in an airplane.


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[Assistant] After airplanes flew around the world, they compared the two clocks. The clock on the fast moving airplane was slightly behind the clock on the ground.


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[Assistant] So the clock on the airplane was traveling slightly slower in time than one second per second.


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[Assistant] And we've talked about those astronauts, Scott Kelly, Mark Kelly, the twins, and talk about how one of them was shorter after he got back.


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[Assistant] The one that was on the International Space Station going 17,500 miles per hour, uhm, his time slowed down, so.


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[Assistant] He was six minutes older, or the other one was six minutes older, now he's six minutes and five milliseconds older.


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[Assistant] So in theory, if we ever could get poor, we can fly at super, super speeds. We could.


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[Assistant] Because we'd be traveling so fast that, like, in the movie, uhm, what's the Matthew McConaughey movie?


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[Assistant] Where he goes out and then he comes back a little bit later and his daughter's grown. I don't know if you saw that movie or not.


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[Assistant] But that was the reason they were, I think that was cause of gravity. No, you'd love them.


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[Assistant] National Institute of Standard and Technology placed two clocks on shelves, one 13 inches above the other.


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[Assistant] And measured the rate of ticking and the lower one ticked slower because it felt gravity slightly stronger. I mean. So that's why you're aging less than the rest of us.


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[Assistant] In the movie Interstellar, one hour on a planet near a black hole is equivalent of seven years back on Earth. So that's why they had to get on that planet, go as fast as they could and get back, right?


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[Assistant] Bad news baits. Yeah. Bad news baits. It's a couple of theories. The big freeze. Boom.


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[Assistant] Well, I think everything's just separating from each other and eventually we'll be all too far away from any heat source.


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[Assistant] No, not an inch, but we couldn't live on any of the other plants in our solar system because they're either too hot or too cold.


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[Assistant] What happens in Arizona becomes Alaska if it's freezing.


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[Assistant] It's the big freeze, we're gonna get colder. So he said Alaska would eventually start feeling like Arizona.


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[Assistant] Another way they say we could time travel is, uh, wormholes.


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[Assistant] Which, I barely understand, but I saw a show where they talked about, basically,


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's not bending space and time, but it's using- Close.


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[Assistant] Air shoot where, like, you shoot the thing up, but I don't think it's quite that.


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[Assistant] Work some stuff out. A win. I thought we were going to get along with it. We could destroy them.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Those are the two big theories on the weight.


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[Assistant] I was going to say one theory why we haven't found anyone else. And I threw this out when you said civilian station. So it kind of got.


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[Assistant] Whatever, but that advanced civilizations out there probably did something to destroy themselves. Nuclear weapons or something dumb that...


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[Assistant] They wipe themselves out. So that's why we can't find them because, or why you haven't heard from them because at the time they get advanced enough to let us know, they're gone.


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[Assistant] But there's somebody here doing something. We've seen those images, right? What?


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[Assistant] I'm talking about the spaceships, the tic tacs and all that.


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[Assistant] So, would you rather, would you rather be aliens or China and Russia have something so advanced that they're way ahead of us? Probably aliens. I mean, I think, you know.


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[Assistant] But if they're here, then they could easily just wipe us out if they want to. We don't know their motives.


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[Assistant] I'm with, uh, Henry Cho this Saturday in McMinnville, Tennessee at the Park Theatre.


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[Assistant] Seinfeld, postmodernism is a late 20th century style and concept in the arts, architecture and criticism that represents a departure from modernism and has at its heart a general distrust of grand theories and ideologies as well as a problematic relationship with any notion of art.


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[Assistant] Well, we've got a lot of medical issues at this table right now. I have gout.


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[Assistant] Brian had a stroke two weeks ago. Nate has diabetes.


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[Assistant] It was. It was found. It was found in the alley. You found it? No. It was an alley cat. Yea, somebody found it in an alley in downtown Nashville.


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[Assistant] I just got to meet her. They're darling. I mean, they were so talented. Very talented. So you're walking out to Shotgun Con?


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[Assistant] So when you want to sell out a bar show, here's what, I don't even know how to do that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I like it. All your ones for this year were correct, right?


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[Assistant] And the don't look up thing. The asteroid is like the, no? No one's on board.


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[Assistant] I think that might just be rugby actually. I know it's rugby is called the pitch.


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[Assistant] And then they add stoppage time to the stoppage time too. You can do, you can do it again.


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[Assistant] And he's, he's a comedian who opens for people. So he was, I want to get there and see the opener because I've been that guy. So he's trying to get, there's a big line outside and the show starts and people start freaking out and the concession stand lady goes, everybody don't worry. Don't worry. It's just the opener show hasn't even started.


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[Assistant] I heard you and I quoted you saying this so many times, heard you on a podcast where you called Lavelle Crawford the triple threat. He's a triple threat. What does that mean?


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[Assistant] Is it the recording package? Yeah, yeah, this is it. So I said best.


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[Assistant] In 2019. We go back to 2014, like Weird Al had a, you know, his music album was nominated.


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[Assistant] The Marlins, who went on to win the World Series.


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[Assistant] And this is on your YouTube channel, John, if you want to look it up. Who filmed this for you?


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[Assistant] So the story behind this, John, is somebody, somebody came over when baseball was just being invented and they watched it and they're like, I'm going to take this back to my country. And they go back and they completely botched it, but it's, but it's blossomed into a pretty popular sport. That's, that's a little different from baseball, obviously, but still essentially the same thing.


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[Assistant] That's a really funny comment though.


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[Assistant] More expensive? No, margarine is the cheap alternative.


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[Assistant] I ate at this place this weekend and I was like, I got a diet Coke and they go, we actually have it. We have our house made sodas. And I was like, God's take water. Yeah. House made soda. Yeah.


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[Assistant] The janitor at my high school, he's like the facilities manager. I always knew him as Ken. Ken Bilbrey. And I found out that


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[Assistant] Like 12 years ago, the principal started calling him Ken by accident and it just became his name. And now he, if you meet him now, he introduces himself as I'm Ken, I'm Ken Bilbray. That's just what he goes by. I mean, this is. He changed his name. What's his real name? I don't think he legally changed it. I don't know his real name. I've known him for a while now. He's just Ken.


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[Assistant] Uh, so y'all have breakfast Bates, Aaron, Aaron, the gout Weber. This is a guy, Logan Hamsley is a podcast fan. He made these, uh, by hand for us. So they're very cool. That's awesome.


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[Assistant] Gooberpile from Andy Griffith is a relative of mine.


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[Assistant] I was like, that guy looks so familiar. Yeah, it's Goober Pyle. George Lindsay. Gomer Pyle? Not Gomer. Oh, Goober. That's Goober right there.


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[Assistant] It's, it's the Mesa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean like Gomer's fame, Gomer's fame.


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[Assistant] Nine years. 180 episodes. You gave it up, right? I did. They didn't cancel you. You canceled them.


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[Assistant] Need a bit and sweat the small stuff about men and women. I don't think.


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[Assistant] But your last special you complained that that's all you do is legs. And now it's like, well now you know why.


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[Assistant] It was my first time doing something. I was with a cool group. You know, they didn't expect a big celebrity. They didn't care. They also didn't expect me to be good at golf, which was really nice.


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[Assistant] Well, just to speed things up, we had, it was automatic two-putt.


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[Assistant] I was gonna say I had a very funny moment with some podcast fans this weekend, opened for Henry Cho and Walhalla, South Carolina.


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[Assistant] That knew me from the podcast and i didn't know they were there until at the end of henry showed as a q and a.


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[Assistant] And I'm in the back just dying and nobody even knows they're like, what a random question to ask this guy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Henry was like, uh, I mean, I don't, I guess like, I don't know. He was like, what a weird question. The other ones are like, who's your favorite comedian who inspired you?


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[Assistant] You do have a golf tournament named after you, but. It's my high school though. Just messing.


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[Assistant] My group at one point goes, so Andrew, you're a celebrity and I go, well, that answers your question.


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[Assistant] For like a band? Did he play? No. No, no.


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[Assistant] Brian gave me that advice and I offered that every time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think he lives here. He's the only actor I've ever heard my mom think is attractive. Like we were watching the parent trap, but she was like.


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[Assistant] Well it turns out A Dog's Journey is the sequel to A Dog's Purpose. Oh, okay. So it's all part of the same movie series.


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[Assistant] It's a sequel to the 2017 film A Dog's Purpose.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're big. They're like big. You know, if they're bugs, I don't care. But that's like a big thing. It's like a big thing. With a face. It's got a face. Oh yeah. You're going to feel it. You're going to hear it.


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[Assistant] I was going to say the first name is hyphenated. Ryan, Ryan Carey.


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[Assistant] I get that it's a little different. I'm just wondering why it doesn't fit your definition of a game show or why you would think it would.


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[Assistant] Oh really? Yep. Oh wow. Preschool teacher. Did she won?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a family feud meets Jerry Springer.


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[Assistant] I was going to ask, cause we talked about this, uh, one of the last episodes, but you can, can you tell a lot about somebody by which team they choose?


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[Assistant] Great name. It's an all-time great name. T-Boon Pickens.


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[Assistant] But are any of them outspoken Arden Vanderbilt fans? No.


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[Assistant] Was the show that the earthquake was the highlight of the trip.


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[Assistant] So good. Can I say we'd had an, we are a weather episode. We had an argument over what is scarier, a tornado or a hurricane.


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[Assistant] But the weather that produces tornadoes doesn't come out of nowhere. Like you know that that's coming. But this tornado does.


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[Assistant] I grew up in Alabama, we had tornadoes. Nah, you're not better than them.


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[Assistant] Well, it was like a, it was a spur of the moment thing. It was like, you want to go get lunch? Yeah. He just, Justin just showed me this great spot. Let's just go there again.


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[Assistant] So it's a little bit better. Not to do some damage, but not to obliterate a town.


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[Assistant] I know of it. Patrick Swayze? No. Kevin Bacon.


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[Assistant] All right. I'm on that zany show as well. November 5th and 6th, gutties.


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[Assistant] In Greenwood, Indiana. There you go. Come out headlining. Come see.


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[Assistant] Somebody said that he would come home off season, I guess to French Lick, I forgot, and you'd just see a guy riding a bicycle around town, a six foot nine guy in short shorts.


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[Assistant] Our brains, self-defense mechanism, you only remember the good things in the past. You forget the bad.


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[Assistant] Well, these look like all different places around the country. So apparently this is a thing. Oh, it's a thing that everybody does.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't think that's all the same place.


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[Assistant] Can you imagine brushing your teeth in the shower, jumping in, I mean, you can save so much time.


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[Assistant] She was and, uh, my sister went and my wife and we pulled up and the guy at the guard shack said, hello folks.


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[Assistant] But I thought it was a good sign. We pulled in and they treat.


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[Assistant] Your dad called me that morning and he said, Hey, we're debating.


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[Assistant] And then he said, Oh, it's just the ground. I'm not going to, he's like, those tickets are too expensive. I'm not going to come to that. Somehow it's flipped. Like I was trying to talk him into it and we hang up with him just being like, I'm not coming to that.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, the show went great. Everyone treated it so good. They gave us a hat show print of, uh, the show. Very nice.


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[Assistant] And they gave me what, and my mom, uh, we got in the car, leave, and my mom said, I wanted to get one of those too, but in the gift shop, but it was $12. And she said, I'm not paying $12 for a poster that's going to, they're just going to throw away after.


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[Assistant] So, but we had, we had a great time, the show was great.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they treat us great. So it was, it was a lot of fun. Yeah. There's me with my mom and the reserve parking space.


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[Assistant] Yep. They, uh, they really treat us great. And my mom, yeah, she had a blast. So much fun.


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[Assistant] We could have, if I just asked the Opry, they would have gotten me another one. Right. But we were in the car drive. She's like, I'm not paying $12 for that. That's ridiculous. It's a piece of paper.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, it was, it was great, it was a lot of fun.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, this was just a radio.


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[Assistant] That's the closest I've come to like, I mean, cause you can, I think you listen to WSM radio. Well, obviously online you can listen anywhere, but I think their signal goes everywhere.


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[Assistant] It's like when we talked about how lightning is so much hotter than the sun, but you needed to hear an oven.


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[Assistant] Um, the art was mentioned. Yeah. What do you call it?


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[Assistant] I mean, I always come to the 2000s, but I know that's not technically right.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, now we're in the twenties. Finally, we're in a decade. I know what to call it. The twenties.


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[Assistant] So this was the, uh, 2000, the first decade of the 21st century.


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[Assistant] I was telling Aaron about this guy, the king in his court, have you ever heard of him?


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[Assistant] It's four softball players and they would just beat everybody. Just picture catcher, shortstop, first baseman and they never lose.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he, well I mean he would, this was fast pitch softball, so they rarely could even hit.


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[Assistant] I mean, they'd go over the cut, they're kind of like the Globetrotters except it wasn't fake. I mean, they really would beat you.


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[Assistant] She said he wanted to do just three guys, but he realized if they all get on base, somebody's got a bat.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I think they did it for, I think this was like during the 60s and 70s.


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[Assistant] I mean they lost some, but they won the vast majority.


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[Assistant] All right. The two thousands. Yeah. The aughts. It's the first decade of the 21st century and the first of the third millennium.


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[Assistant] So I had to think about that. It seemed like it'd be the second millennium, but zero to a thousand was the first, thousand to two thousand was the second.


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[Assistant] Actually, the new millennium started on uh, 2001.


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[Assistant] We talked about this on the 90's episode. You said you didn't have a job that would require anything to be shut down by Y2K.


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[Assistant] Uh, country in the world to welcome the new millennium. That's where it starts.


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[Assistant] It looks like a kid that was just drawing, uh, dots. Well, let's look up the time zone map.


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[Assistant] So the 2000 presidential election was one of the craziest in history. George W. Bush and Al Gore. It wasn't decided until over a month later.


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[Assistant] So Bush was sworn in in 2000, and then...


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause Gore's, Gore's campaign, uh.


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[Assistant] I was at the station, yeaah. But obviously, I mean, national news from all over, well, I mean, all over the world was in Nashville, uhm, because that's where he was.


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[Assistant] It was when I was working the news and we had heard that his mom had passed away. And they told me to find out and I called his house and he answered the phone. And I was so surprised he answered. I was like, uh, who's speaking?


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[Assistant] We had like, no, but we had like contact numbers, but you just don't ever think you're going to get the actual person, just like somebody there. This is during landlines.


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[Assistant] Uhm, alright, so, uh, Bush is elected president, uhm, and then a few months after he was elected, of course, we just had the 20 year anniversary, terrorist attack, 9-11.


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[Assistant] My wife was at the White House. Uh, Ruth worked for, uh, kind of Lisa Rice for the, and, uh, she was in the situation room when, when it happened. So they told her to.


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[Assistant] Gather, get our context together. They're going to try to, Bush was supposedly coming back to the White House at that time and they were going to meet with some foreign leaders. So she had to get the context together to arrange it.


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[Assistant] And then things just kept getting crazier and Secret Service came in and grabbed Connalisa and ushered her out and then.


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[Assistant] She was 25 years old. I mean, she just started there a few months earlier and her, her boss, this woman who's kind of like a mentor to her and like a second mother said, just give me the contacts and run. She said, I've lived twice as long as you have, so you just get out.


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[Assistant] Flight 93, if they had to take that plane down, they'd think it was going to go to the White House or the Capitol.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so Pope John Paul was Pope from 78 to 2005. People liked him, right?


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[Assistant] When he died, it was the largest Christian pilgrimage ever.


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[Assistant] For his funeral, 4 million mourners went to Rome.


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[Assistant] More heads of state now. Four kings, five queens, seventy presidents and prime ministers, and fourteen heads of other religions.


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[Assistant] Were they looking at us like social media influencers?


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[Assistant] Uh, music of the 2000s. Wanna guess the top selling artist? Britney Spears.


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[Assistant] That's a good guess, but yours is better. Eminem.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they had two of the top four albums of the decade.


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[Assistant] Uh, sports, athlete of the decade.


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[Assistant] Uh, Roger Federer third. Still playing.


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[Assistant] Yep, Michael Phelps 4th, Tom Brady 5th.


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[Assistant] I only mentioned Tom Brady because it's the two thousands and he's still going. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty amazing.


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[Assistant] The Lakers won four NBA championships, 2000s. Patriots won three Super Bowls. And the Red Sox won the first World Series in 86 years.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm gonna keep going, uh, right out of the gate of the 2000, January 8th, 2000, the Music City Miracle.


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[Assistant] Well, as I've told you, uhm, I was the guy yelling, get out of bounds, get out of bounds. Because I did not see the play develop immediately. I didn't think he was going to make it all the way. And all we needed was a fill goal. So I'm like, he's going to get.


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[Assistant] Uh, tackled and the time's gonna run out. So I was like, just get out of battle so we can kick a game winning field goal, but.


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[Assistant] They played Memphis and Vanderbilt. It was the first year at that stadium. First year they were the Titans.


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[Assistant] At the, uh, 2000 Sydney Paralympic Games, Spain had to return their gold medals after found out their basketball team, nearly all their players were found to have no disability.


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[Assistant] About how, we've talked about how that movie had no impact. Like number two is Titanic, with James Cameron.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what we talked about in the nineties episode. Hell, that's the number one movie, but people still talk about that. Titanic.


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[Assistant] Uh, Inventions of the 2000s. Oh. The Segway. The Snuggie. Well, I'll just tell you. Okay. Segway in 2000.


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[Assistant] Uhm, iTunes came out in 2001 and then nine months later the iPod.


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[Assistant] I was throwing out that the Red Sox won the first World Series in 86 years.


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[Assistant] Friends, friends-wise, I think it's final season.


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[Assistant] No. Sitcoms? This is just TV shows, period.


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[Assistant] Survivor, first year. CSI for three straight years. And then American Idol for the last four. I've told the CSI story, right?


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[Assistant] Reality shows just blew up and I'm still coming up to the 2000s. The aughts.


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[Assistant] Reality, like I said, actually the last five years.


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[Assistant] Alright, well all the big reality shows, Real Housewives, Bachelor, American Idol, all those took off. Still going strong. Last Comic Standing.


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[Assistant] Uh, some pop culture moments of the 2000s, uhm, the halftime show at the Super Bowl with Janet Jackson, the War Girl malfunction.


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[Assistant] The, uh, Sopranos and in 2007, one of the most unusual endings.


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[Assistant] I feel like I remember it, when it first happened, some people thought it was rigged, like they...


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[Assistant] When Michael Jackson died in 2009, TMZ broke the story. And that was, they said the first time, that was a shift from just your national news to, uh,


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[Assistant] What TMZ is. Now you see that a lot more other places, but that never happened before.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, I don't know this, Conan took over the Tonight Show June 2009 by January 2010.


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[Assistant] They moved Jay back in and then Conan left a few days later.


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[Assistant] Uh, this weekend I'm with Leann Morgan in Richmond, Virginia and in Baltimore.


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[Assistant] Not only is Vivint the best home security they are giving Nateland listeners, the best offer you will find. Go to vivint.com slash Nate and use promo code Nate for up to six months of free monitoring. That's up to six months of free monitoring. When you go to VIVI.


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[Assistant] Nt.com slash Nate and use promo code Nate. You can even call at one eight eight. I'm sorry. Hold on. One eight five five.


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[Assistant] Vivint zero and use our promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] Also with Scribd, you can get instant access to millions of ebooks, audiobooks, magazines, and more.


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[Assistant] Automated suggestions and hand curated picks make choosing your next book easier than ever. And we have got a deal.


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[Assistant] One, uh, two more, uh, shout out to our sponsor from the makers of Helix, the most comfortable mattress ever. Comes all form, easily customizable sofas, armchairs, love seats and more. All form delivers directly to your home with fast free shipping. You can assemble all the furniture yourself in minutes. No tools needed.


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[Assistant] Right now, Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at Allform.com slash Nate. That is 20% off all orders at Allform.com slash Nate. And finally, today is officially the first day of fall. Today is it.


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[Assistant] Fall is here, and it is time to get cozy around the fire with Solo Stove.


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[Assistant] Shop their Fall Event now at SoloStove.com.


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[Assistant] Get an extra $10 off when you use promo code Nate at checkout. They even offer a limited lifetime.


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[Assistant] Warranty. They offer a lifetime warranty and a 30 day free return.


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[Assistant] Policies, solostove.com, use promo code Nate. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast.


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[Assistant] We're excited to, uh, have you guys here. Have a little bit, uh, uh, the first kind of different podcast.


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[Assistant] Uh, so, uh, sadly, uh, Brian Bates is not here. Uh, he had a, uh, kind of a family emergency. Uh, I'm sure we'll talk about it at some point, but, uh, so he could not make it. Uh, prayers to, you know, Bates and, uh, his family and, uh, his wife's family and all of them, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, we were, we, Laura does not.


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[Assistant] But I grew up, and I think that's why I like things changing, cause my parent, we grew up just rearranging everyday.


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[Assistant] I mean, we'd come home and there'd be, the kitchen is now my parents, the dining room is my parents' bedroom and now we're eating in their old bedroom.


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[Assistant] Like it'd be that much of switching. And I feel like when you just have a small house, you know, we grew up in a very small house. It's like, that was the only way to like, be like, Oh, look at it now. It's like a new house. Like a new house. Right. And so we did it. They did it a bunch. Uh, so yeah, it's, it's like, that's fun.


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[Assistant] Uh, and we have two guests with us. These are very special guests. Uh, one you know, Mick, everybody, Mick's back.


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[Assistant] So the, uh, our other guest is our great, great friend, Dustin Chaffin. Uh, we were roommates. Yeah, we were. We've all talked, which today we will talk a lot about like kind of comedy at the beginning. Uh, this is the start. This is the, all of us was the start. We've been, uh, very close friends for, I mean,


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[Assistant] Uh, so first up, uh, we want to talk, uh, uh, uh, read your comments from you guys. Uh, comments are from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple podcast reviews, and you can also email naiteland at natebargetzi.com. First up, Brent Cook.


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[Assistant] You know, like you do, you gotta remember that you're like, people are listening. Like this is a little more high pressure.


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[Assistant] of a conversation, then, uh, you know, just, you know, there's conversations where you're like, yeah, we should be doing this alone.


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[Assistant] I've said that on stage sometimes. Sometimes you try a joke and it doesn't work and then you're like, oh, you're like, I'm sorry, I should have just like, this should be something I should tell y'all like privately. Like, it's like a funny enough joke if we were just one on one, but not for a room of people, you know?


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[Assistant] This has to be the only podcast to mention 9-11, Katrina, and the Slanket all in one episode. I think that's true.


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[Assistant] Who don't understand? Slink it's the original. Before the Snuggie? Slink it was the one that started it all and Snuggie came in and was just big money and just said, Oh, I like what you did and you can't.


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[Assistant] Didn't you have one at one time? Yeah, yeah. We did a commercial for him. Me and Yannis. Yannis was friends with him. And so, I mean, this dude invented this and then Snuggie just, like, what happens is, like, people invent something. And then someone with a lot of money goes, well, I'll just use money to advertise it. So then, and he just swallows.


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[Assistant] I thought you meant he's a guy that looks like he likes cereal. Yeaah. I do love cereal, man. Yeaah. But no, that's right. He could be in the 1800s. Uh. Thanks, man. Yeaah. Kellogg, wow. You made that good because you took a turn at the beginning. I was like, what are we doing? We talked about Friendster.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and the whole thing, you know, down to the sweater is what I got confused on.


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[Assistant] It's because you, it's an easy, easy thing to pack. Cause when you go, when Nick goes anywhere, he packs this one backpack. That's a roller.


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[Assistant] And it's, if it's a one day trip to a four month trip, it's just that bad.


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[Assistant] And then he's, I mean, he's this, the, you're the most compact packer I've ever seen in my life. I've never seen you outside of that. And there's times you've been, you come to New York, uh, back before you moved to LA, you'd be there for, I mean, a few weeks and you would just have that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Joe Cicero, favorite episode to date. I couldn't catch my breath because I was laughing so hard when Nate was unable to properly pronounce disabled.


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[Assistant] That's always the point. I mean, I mispronounce disabled, so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there you go. We upped it up. Uh, Brian Lee, I paused the podcast to look up the Atlantic article on Nate, the nicest man in standup, only to then unpause and hear him immediately start making fun of an old one-eyed softball player. Great episode, guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, when I played church softball, well, I mean, it's crazy. These, these were the, these guys were like the best softball team ever and one guy's one eye. Uh, but they dominated, dude. They dominated. They would be, I think just them four, right, would play and they would beat everyone.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And he was so good. And the other guys you could see just jack stuff out. We think that guy rant covered the one guy we said covered first and he never saw anybody.


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[Assistant] So she, I told her, I was like, you gotta let me put it up there. Uh, and then, uh, yeah. So when it's softball, I went through a phase playing church softball. I played softball some in Chicago when I first moved there and then I played in church. Uh, you know, when you're playing with grownups and it's like guys that are like.


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[Assistant] Major league players, but I got the yips for a minute where I couldn't throw to first base and I would just sell it over. I'd be on, I'd either play short or second and I'd get a ground ball and then I couldn't keep it. I couldn't hit the guy.


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[Assistant] And I would just launch it and it would hit, you know, the open, there's no top on the softball field. It just hints there and falls in. And I mean, it's, it doesn't get more embarrassing than that.


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[Assistant] Read, read gross. Uh, Nate's description of avatar is why this podcast is amazing. It's like blue man group in space. Everyone nods along. Like what he said, wasn't absolutely nuts. Keep up the good work, Aaron, Nate and beansprout.


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[Assistant] Uh, they always call Brian different names. Gotcha. So that's where, that's where all that comes from. Uh, yeah. I still stand by that. It's like Blue Man Group in space. It's not bad. Blue Man Group did pretty well. Yeah, Blue Man Group, very successful. Avatar, very successful. Uh, Max Sigmon, Samon.


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[Assistant] Brian Lee was the first one. I like just, and Brent Cook, sort of Brent Cook. And I was like, this is going to be an easy day. And then got, got beat up by the next two. Then Brian Lee was like, all right, we're back. Got my head above water.


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[Assistant] And then now we're still just, and I think by the looks of it, we ain't getting out of it. I'm drowning. Max Simone, S I G M O N. The thought of Brian on the phone with Al Gore and ask him how far he can throw football killed me. Thanks Aaron. That was a very funny line. I think it was the line that got.


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[Assistant] It didn't get the respect it should have got here, but they noticed it. Oh, that's good.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna laugh from both of y'all.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's a dead serious comment. Uh, but it's a very funny line to just picture Bates on the phone with Al Gore. I called Al Gore and just, how far can you throw a football? And he's like,


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[Assistant] Would be a great line. Can you imagine just calling someone and just like writing, they go, hello? How far can you throw a foot though? Do you think they answer?


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[Assistant] Yeah, they go, excuse me, how far, you heard me, how far can you throw a football?


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[Assistant] What a great, that's how everybody should call someone and just go, how far are you going football?


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[Assistant] Annie, dead gummit. I'm an avid Aaron Land listener. Oh, well dead gummit Annie. I'm an avid Aaron Land listener who couldn't get behind the whole, aughts is actually something people say argument. But then I heard it for the first time in class today. He's becoming too powerful. Wow. Well, I liked that Annie, uh, disagreed with Aaron Land and then she, and now she's surrounded by it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's what you say when someone says, I call it the odds. Oh, have you ever heard of the odds? No, no. And you, you have the audacity, audacity. The audacity. The audacity. Good work. To go, uh, I needed Aaron's help on that.


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[Assistant] So think, we say two thousands, you're like, all right, I get, yeah, I'm round about knowing what you're talking about, but the odds were supposed to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it is, but it's being used.


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[Assistant] What if Annie, maybe she, I'd be great if her teacher was an Aaron Land fan too. Could be.


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[Assistant] Uh, Daniel Fitzsimmons. All right. I know that cause they're Greg Fitzsimmons. Uh, Daniel Fitzsimmons. Dear Nate, Aaron and bacteria. Never heard bacteria. That's a good one. I love the show so much. However, as an RN registered nurse, I was aghast.


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[Assistant] The water, soap and friction removes bacteria from your hand and is vital in maintaining sanitation.


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[Assistant] I'm there for that point one percent. I'll fight that point one percent. That's how much eh. Uh, Nick, you, uh, put, uh, cortisone in your mouth this time.


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[Assistant] So Daniel, what's your comments on if someone, uh, as an adult?


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[Assistant] You have water in your mouth? Not yet. So you do it no water or anything?


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[Assistant] So you'd like to blame your parents for being, why are y'all keeping those that close together? Was it next to the band-aids? You could have had a word with your mom and dad and said, Hey, let me talk to you guys for a second. Why do y'all keep these two things? Knowing that you have me as a son, why would you ever think that you would be allowed to keep those things too good? They know you the best.


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[Assistant] And I think I'm the, the, the third best. Third best. I would, I'm gonna go walk to your parents' house and go, hey guys.


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[Assistant] You know, I know Nick's lived in LA for a while, but we gotta clean some stuff up around here, alright? We gotta keep these things farther away.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's, uh, yeah, his parents, uh, his parents came to the show, uh, and you know, we've met him before, but I haven't seen him in a while and it was, uh, wonderful to go. His dad's going to come out on tour with us. You know what his job is? What's that? Podiatrist.


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[Assistant] Oh, podiatrist, podiatrist, podiatrist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, they're, I mean, they're old new have new Haven. They all like with five generations from New Haven, Connecticut.


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[Assistant] Uh, they're big Notre Dame fans. Oh yeaah. Oh that's right.


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[Assistant] Felt itself being squeezed and thought, where are we? It's pretty dark in here.


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[Assistant] Over our solo stove and watching football.


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[Assistant] The Stolo Soave has been so much better than any fire pit, uh, I've been around. The smelling, when you smell like a campfire, uh, I like the smell of it, but you don't like it on your clothes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't even like it at night. I honestly, when we would go make fires, I would want to go take a shower that night. It bothers me that much. Uh, not with solar stove. I mean, there's no setup, just unbox and enjoy. Little fire starter wood and you can have a nice fire quickly. We have the bonfire version with a stand. It is small enough.


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[Assistant] To take to the front or the back or if we go to the lake.


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[Assistant] We can easily take it there. It burns down to white ash. So cleanup is super easy. Solar stove would be great for you guys in LA. It's a very easy thing to just put outside. Put it by the pool. Put it by the pool. It's like a fire goes up. Smoke's not going there. I mean, it's truly like my dream. Uh, cause I do like sitting around a fire, but I just don't want to smell like it. Uh,


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[Assistant] Solos upgrades great times without the fireside fumes. Like we've said, it's a premium grade stainless steel construction designed to regulate airflow and burn more efficiently. Uh, it's like portable. They are so confident you will love it. They offer a lifetime warranty and a 30-day free return policy.


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[Assistant] Get the perfect fire pit for those fall nights and make your backyard a destination with a spectacular fire pit from Solo Stove.


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[Assistant] Shop the fall event now and get an extra $10 off when you use promo code Nate at checkout. They are so confident, like I said, lifetime warranty and a 30 day free return policy. Just go to solostove.com and remember, you'll get $10 off when you use promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] Uh, also, uh, if you've been listening to this show for a while, you have probably heard me talk about our Helix mattress as we love it. Dustin slept on it last night. Oh, amazing. Amazing mattress. So good. Nick slept on it. Everybody slept on it. We love it. Love it. Uh, well, Felix, well, Helix.


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[Assistant] Uh, Laura, we got one, Laura put ours together, it was super easy. I mean, they delivered directly to your home, fast free shipping, sofas can take


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weeks or months to arrive and you need someone to put it together. It's a whole thing all for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes just three to seven days to arrive and you can assemble it yourself, no tools needed, which is just big.


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[Assistant] Not having, I mean that's just, you know, when you get something that's got all these tools, it's just a nightmare.


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[Assistant] Laura did ours, it's in the office. We chose the armchair with the sand fabric with the natural wood legs. I go in there and sit when she's yelling at me, that's the seat I sit in and she sits at her desk and talks down to me. Uh, and so, but I love it. It's just nice to have a nice chair in there. It is great.


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[Assistant] Uh, if getting a sofa without trying the store sounds a little risky, well, you don't have to worry about it. Cause you get a hundred days to decide if you want to keep it. That's more, that's more than three months. If you don't love it, they will pick it up for free and give you a full refund. They even offer a forever warranty, literally forever. I really think that is, I mean, it's just awesome.


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[Assistant] So, you can go to Allform, and Allform is offering, they're offering 20% off all orders for listeners at allform.com slash nate. That is allform.com slash nate. A-L-L-F-O-R-M dot com slash nate for your new favorite sofa. That's 20% off.


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[Assistant] All orders at allforum.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] Come back to a couple more of those. Uh, here we are. Jay Alberton. Alberton? Alberton. Alberton, probably. Oh, I think he's Canadian. Jay Albritton.


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[Assistant] Uh, my dad played briefly for the Toronto Argonauts.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Argonauts. I don't even know what Argonauts are. I've heard of it.


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[Assistant] Argonauts are a good name. So, Jay's dad played briefly for the Toronto Argonauts in the CFL when he was just out of college and was invited to try out for the Baltimore Colts in the mid fifties.


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[Assistant] But I think the sports accomplishment he was most proud of was getting a foul tip against the king and his court in the mid sixties. Wow. That's pretty cool. I mean, that's crazy. So that, so his dad's like a legit athlete.


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[Assistant] Uh, but that's crazy. He got a foul tip against the king. I mean, just a foul tip. Yeah, that's probably what caused this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he goes, he was not used to seeing that. Uh, that's how fast that, that's how good of a picture that guy was. Wow.


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[Assistant] They would come in and they'd be like, pick your best nine players and then they would kill them. Oh wow. Yeah. So it was kind of, yeah. I mean, they did a little more than Harp Gojars. I think they would let people pick their teens.


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[Assistant] Right? So they would like, I mean, if this guy's dad played against him, it would be like, so they'd go, all right, so this guy's dad played in the CFL.


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[Assistant] And then, so obviously you're like, yeah, we come play softball and he's like, yeah, dude, I'll crush these dudes. How would we not win? And then they beat them. I mean, I would go, they should get that going again.


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[Assistant] Probably, I mean, he was the best pitcher, but then you look at the other two big guys, I mean, I think they would, it would just be home run after home run.


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[Assistant] Uh, we actually probably need to look into that. I hope there's video. I hope there's video. I hope there's video too. Michael, uh, Michael Spirit Walker Mosley. Spirit Walker. Native maybe? Maybe. I know him.


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[Assistant] Yep. He goes by spirit. He is a spirit walker. Yeah. Oh, so that's his real spirit walker.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, it's gotta be tough for him as a comedian for if he goes, I go by spirit Walker. You're not like.


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[Assistant] And then say Aaron ends up being in town and he's like, Oh, I'm gonna come hang out at the show. And we're like, all right, dude, we'll throw you a guest spot. So you let him go up and he does.


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[Assistant] 7, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, whatever. And you're just like a buddy that comes in, you're like, yeah, we'll throw you up on the show. That's a guest spot. They're not getting paid. It's, but, I mean, you're, all you're doing is guest spots at the beginning. Uh, but it was very fun. And so like, so for, but a guy that's son 572, I have heard, I've heard you or Jay and all them talk about it. Uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, oh, oh, let me read. Uh, we'll go check out Michael Spirit Walker Mosley as a comedian. You should look up Rosie Black, who was the pitcher for the Queen intercourt softball team. They were also a four person team that would play against other full teams and beat them.


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[Assistant] I've seen them play twice at, uh, at, at Altus.


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[Assistant] I might look into this and get this going again.


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[Assistant] We got, we just have them do a tour. I'll link them on the bus. They just have them tour with us. That's what we go do during the day.


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[Assistant] I know, one Krispy Kreme challenge and then Aaron just- That's all it took. That's all it took and then he's down.


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[Assistant] I mean, 60, 70 pounds, something like that. I mean, not to say, it's not like he was ever this, he was just a big dude. Uh, and then, I mean, just, you can watch it all.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Things are really improving for all of us. Yeah. We'll go look into it. Is tie into, uh, sorry. All right.


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[Assistant] Wait, did I read that right? I love the way kids think they are left alone to be creative with things like this. It reminded me of last year when the coach of my 9 year old saw


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[Assistant] My nine-year-old daughter's soccer team gave them the assignment of thinking of a team name.


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[Assistant] When they all return to practice the next week to vote on suggested names like pink dragons and pink panthers.


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[Assistant] My daughter's suggestion was the one they chose. They were the Washington football team.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's so good. That's such a good name. I do. It's so wonderful.


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[Assistant] That's maybe the, one of the, a glorious thing of just seeing children and the pure innocence and what makes children so perfect is just let them choose their names. And what are they going to do? You know, I mean, shoot the Washington football teams, which by the way, I love that name.


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[Assistant] That's great. I mean, they're playing soccer, football team. She knows that it's called football. Technically she's right.


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[Assistant] If you're just gambling on that, you're like, well, I gotta go with the Washington football team, right? I gotta gamble on that. Yeah, with the frozen gals. I love it. Uh, McKay Potter. McKay Potter. Two last names. McKay Potter. You know? Does it seem like that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a, it's a big deal. That's how big of a fan he is. And that's what you think every time you see a pod.