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[Assistant] Airline's gonna be like, well, you have to have, you have, you have to have the thing that said you took it. So then they forced, so now you're, you, well, you can't travel. So stuff will just get taken from you unless you have proof that you took the vaccine.


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[Assistant] Which is, I'd probably take, I'd take the vaccine. I don't, I don't think I care that much. I would take it, but I don't like getting told I have to prove it. I definitely don't like that.


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[Assistant] It's like almost like how you're being told, but anyway, that's a whole different podcast. Uh, we're getting into that and conspiracy stuff. Uh, when we do want to conspiracies. Uh, all right. Uh, we're going to read some comments. These are from YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Apple podcast reviews, and always you can email naiteland at natebargetzi.com. First up, Matt Oregon. I feel like I know this guy. He's commented before. Yeah.


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[Assistant] There's so much gold in here to comment on. I don't even know where to start. Love the podcast and love you guys. It's been said a ton in the comments, but it really does feel like I'm just hanging out with my buddies while listening to you guys. Keep up the great work. Thank you, Matt. That's what it, that's what it is. Just a couple guys just hanging out.


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[Assistant] Wade Cleaver. Aaron is 1000% too smart for this show. Wow.


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[Assistant] When Nate or breakfast take a stance on almost anything, I can feel Aaron's seething resentment while he's trying to figure out how to dumb down his response.


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[Assistant] Also, good night, Nate. Listening to you read is like hearing someone start a new sentence every two words.


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[Assistant] All jokes aside, love the show and keep up the good work. I could argue that he doesn't love the show. Uh, I mean, that's... He seems like a good guy to me, man. Is that true? Is that true, Aaron? I don't know about 1000%. Wade Cleaver seems like a made up name that you would have made up and wrote a comment. Wade Cleaver.


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[Assistant] You went to Notre Dame, you're big time, you know, you're super smart.


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[Assistant] Caught catfish with your fist and you noodled. Is that what y'all did after this? Yeah. And Wade went out. Y'all went noodling. You go, you were fishing. Where's your poles?


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[Assistant] Uh, I would, I mean, maybe I would try it if, if I'm there, I don't think I'm going to search it out. If anybody doesn't know noodling, it's you put your fist in the water and a cat is in a catfish bites your fist and then you pull it out with your bare hands.


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[Assistant] So I would do it if the, if it all was there and it was happening, I would definitely try it. But I don't think I'm going to go.


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[Assistant] Natalie Walter, Aaron, please don't punish us with camel colored jackets. Now after what we all went through visually last week, we've acclimated and it's truly sick to take that away from us. They like the colors.


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[Assistant] It feels like a young, your age that's being cool is what it feels like, you know, that's like, look at my cool brown jacket that my dad wore. And everybody's like, wow, your hipster parties that you go to. That's, is it, does everybody have that jacket on when you go to hipster parties? I don't see many people with that jacket, dude. When you and Wade are out partying, do y'all.


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[Assistant] Well, your noodling is how you really are. You don't let everybody, they go, what'd you guys do today? You're like, ah, not much, man. We didn't, you know, we, uh, we didn't do anything. And then you, hey, you know, I won't wear the jacket anymore.


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[Assistant] The brown one? Yeaah. Do you wear, do you man? If you want, if you like the jacket, if it's comfortable, then you wear the jacket. I do like it. Was it at Brooks Brothers?


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[Assistant] We're trying selling stuff like that anymore, like that's too nice. I've got a Goodwill. Where'd you get a Goodwill?


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[Assistant] Okay, it's kind of Goodwill. Uh, it's basically the step before. It's the step before Goodwill.


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[Assistant] Bob Hafner, next Netflix documentary, Nate Goes 30 Days Without McDonald's. We starting now. I mean, I couldn't even start. I, well, I had Chick-fil-A before I got here. Uh, that's a good idea. Yeah, going 30 days without McDonald's. The opposite of Super Size Me. Yeah, the opposite of.


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[Assistant] It would have to be all fast food. If I go 30 days without fast food would be, 30 days just eating home cooked food would be, that would be tough. That would be tough. It would be, I need to do it though.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm going to have a heart attack. That's what I've been thinking a lot lately. I just eat ice cream every night and I go, this is not good. And so I just think about that and just do it again the next day. Just see if it happens. I think sometimes maybe if it happens, it'll, it'll wake you up and wake me up. So I'm just kind of, it's, I'm waiting for Stephanie Crandall.


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[Assistant] The part where Nate talks about shamefully eating in your car in the back of a random parking lot, then throwing away the evidence so your family doesn't find out was spot on accurate.


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[Assistant] Uh, and, you know, get rid of it all. Hide it all away. That's why trash cans out and about the wild. You always see trash cans in the wild. They're always full. It's all fast food. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They're, they're huge. I mean, yeah, that's, uh, yeah, everybody, I like that everybody does, you know.


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[Assistant] I think more people do it than not. I think it's a, I mean, that's what I was saying. Whenever it makes fun of fast food and you're like, people are there, man.


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[Assistant] People are going there and I don't think it's just, you know, just, they think it's people are like trailer parks or me. Like it's like, but it's, it's, you know, McDonald's is good.


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[Assistant] Nate Aaron in Breathe Right makes every episode great. The reason McDonald's Coke tastes the best is actually because of the way they filter their water. Every McDonald's restaurant uses state of the art reverse osmosis.


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[Assistant] That's what I thought McDonald's would want you to do, is they want, you know, everybody thinks they know why and they're like, ah, maybe. That's what McDonald's would say. He says that to McDonald's and they would go, maybe. Yeaah. Maybe, yeaah. Probably a little bit of that.


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[Assistant] It's in your head, Nate. It's, I know, but it's not all in your head. It's not, it, it comes from their doing stuff. Something's different with the coat. It's not, and it's the cup.


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[Assistant] If you've ever had Coke, you go to a restaurant and you get a Diet Coke in a glass, you know, like a real glass, it's not good. And that's almost any soda. But if you get it in those red Pizza Hut cups, you know, or those plastic cups, it's way better. And so it's how you.


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[Assistant] The cup plays a big factor into it too. Everything plays it. It's all, I don't think it's just psychological. I don't think you're in there going, this is only good because-


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[Assistant] That day's gonna be a big day, man. Be prepared for that day.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So that's, that's why they, it's a, it's a big deal. So when it's, when they clean it, it's like, yeah, we're not doing this again. Cause it's, I get it. If I work there, I get it. I get, I get why I would never turn


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[Assistant] Figure out a new way. You know, something's gotta change. You go to Sonic, you never worry. Sonic's like, yeah, what do you want? You want ice cream? We have it. 30 degrees outside? We have it. And I'll get it.


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[Assistant] And you're not, you're never scared of it, not, you know, the only time I've ever had Sonic where they didn't, they were out of ice cream.


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[Assistant] That was the only reason. It wasn't, the machine wasn't broken. They were just out of ice cream. For a guy to have a website is not good for McDonald's, but they're so focused on the Coke that they're losing sight of the ice cream. But you know, McDonald's is doing good anyway. So.


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[Assistant] Bryce Hockenberry sounds like one of Bates' names. Bryce Hockenberry, my girlfriend manages a McDonald's that has multiple lanes. I'm not sure if it's everywhere, but I know as far as McDonald's, they have cameras in the speakers so they can see who is ordering what and know which order goes out the window for who.


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[Assistant] Alright, that's pretty good. Yeah. How to do that. That's what I thought was something to do with cameras, but you know, I went to Chick-fil-A before here.


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[Assistant] And, uh, which, uh, they gave me record coke instead of diet and that's, you know, it's always annoying. Uh, Chick-fil-A does a good job. They also, when I was in, I was in the big long line and they were walking the food, you know, they like walk your food back, but I was that person where they walk, they almost started behind me. So I had to wait.


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[Assistant] It was like a long time. And I mean, people are just peeling off behind me like, Oh wow, that's super quick. Their experience was, they go, it's unbelievable. And my experience was I had to wait for all these, it was just me getting food and I was all these gigantic bags going into vans, you know, where you're like, Oh God.


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[Assistant] And they, and I had to sit and wait the whole time.


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[Assistant] So normally they're, normally they're good, but I thought, you know, that's like, if you ever, you ever go ride a ride at a theme park and you're at one part and they go, all right, this new lane's open. And then like the guy right behind one guy is really gets no benefit, but 20 people get a huge benefit. And that's what I felt like that guy.


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[Assistant] When I was 17, I got to discover student credit card with the intention of maxing it out and making payments to build my credit. The day I got it, I told a group of friends to meet me at Hooters and they could order whatever they wanted because I was buying. We literally hung out for hours, each ordered multiple entrees and ran up a tab none of us could actually afford.


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[Assistant] Eventually the waitress brings the bill and I confidently say, I'll take that and drop my newly received card. The waitress looks it.


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[Assistant] Looks at it and looks at me and says, we don't accept discovery.


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[Assistant] Something back then I didn't even know was a possibility. We sat quietly for an hour waiting for mom to come bail us out, who afterward made me pay her back immediately and coincidentally also did not accept discovery.


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[Assistant] Oh, that was a pretty little fun. Yeaah. Got a little story there, blag.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's a good little story. We also had a Discover card. That was one that my wife got.


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[Assistant] And I mean, I would just be like, nobody takes it.


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[Assistant] Everywhere I did there, we don't take Discover and you're, and I kept, we had it for, and I was like, I can't have this credit card.


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[Assistant] I don't know. They might charge more or something. Like everybody takes Amex. Amex is usually, but Amex charges more I think or something. So a lot of people don't. That'd be one that they don't want to take Amex.


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[Assistant] But discovery was just a problem, man. A discovery. Like everywhere we went was just, we don't take, I mean, eh, it's enough that you notice it. You know what I mean? It's not, oh, okay. It was enough that you go, are you kidding me? Nah, we don't take discovery. And you're like, ugh. And then you're just done. That's very funny. Ordered that much food.


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[Assistant] Brock Lobster, these are all your names. You know, Brock Lobster, Nate spending 13 times the national average on fast food is like Michael Scott going bankrupt for attending multiple magic camps and buying premium bass fishing equipment.


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[Assistant] That is 13 times the national average. I should be, that's why I'm the greatest average American.


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[Assistant] Which, uh, little might be the title of the next special. Really? Yeah. We it's, it would name it as special is, uh, it always, it's a hard to do. And, uh, and then, so I don't know if I was supposed to say that, but you get it. Nate land. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, uh, well, NateLand listeners, just don't say anything to anybody. Just everybody be cool about it. Don't post that in the comments because I don't think I'm supposed to say it, but I think it's going to be the greatest average American.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it worked out. Like I was trying to name it and I had all these other names. You always want to name your special. And then they always end up being like, no, they just got no Tennessee kid wasn't my choice. I think my manager chose it and they want it to be when people see it. You know, if you're Kevin Hart.


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[Assistant] Bill Burt, you're a name that, you're so big, everybody knows what they're getting. They know the product.


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[Assistant] And then for me, yes, a lot of people will know what they're getting, but then people that might not know me, which should be a lot of people, they, why, why would I, what is this? And that's the greatest average American's pretty.


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[Assistant] It's pretty good. I know. I thought of it when we said it and we posted the clip on Instagram. I was like.


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[Assistant] Man, I bet that could be the special. And then they, and I was going to tell them and then they reached out and said, Hey, what about this? And I was like, Oh, that's awesome.


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[Assistant] Uh, the lucky ones, which is part of a joke that I do. Uh, I like the lucky ones. Yeah. And, but it's about a joke that I do in my act. Uh, one fell swoop is a, it's my closing joke. That could have been one.


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[Assistant] I just thought about comedy, just straight com- like being the comedy pot- the comedy special.


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[Assistant] You know, just being like this special is about comedy, it's not about anything else. All this political stuff. I like that. I like the comedy special too. But the Greatest Average American is, is pretty great. Yeah. And uh, so I, I, I think it's gonna be that. I can't tell you where it's at either. That's another thing that's against the rules.


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[Assistant] You can probably guess, but don't, also don't post.


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[Assistant] We did the math this summer and according and accounting for Sonic five days a week, spending about $6 a day as sometimes one of us would give breakfast to you. 50 weeks out of the year, my dad has single-handedly spent at least $31,000 and $31,500 at Sonic on Coke.


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[Assistant] This isn't including any dinner stops, milkshakes, or anything outside of his morning Coke. Wow. $31,000. How many years?


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[Assistant] For 21 years. So for 21 years, he spent $31,000 on just that coat. That's amazing.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's, you know, $31,000 just on soda. That's unbelievable. You know, but.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he likes Sonic Coke. Sonic's got good ice. That's their thing. Great ice. Uh, and I don't think McDonald's Coke would go good with their ice.


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[Assistant] I feel like McDonald's is, their ice plays into it. Interesting. So Sonic does have good, good, uh, soda products and the ice is really good.


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[Assistant] What was it? Company here in Nashville? On Music Row?


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[Assistant] So you did marketing and they don't, how do they not pay? It's like a real business.


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[Assistant] James Elam. I can relate to the Ronald McDonald story in third grade. Ronald McDonald also came to my school. I have no idea why he was there. I just remember midway through the assembly, he lost his voice and my principal had to come in and read the rest of the presentation while Ron just set off to the side.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's unbelievable. I love it. That's unbelievable. James Elon, he should be a comedian and they tell that story. Yeah. Uh, that's a great story, man. I mean, that's the guy, that's got everything. I love everything about it. I love that he's set there. The principal had to continue to read it. A, to lose your voice.


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[Assistant] Something else was in the play. I don't think he just lost his voice. Ronald McDonald can't be talking that much.


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[Assistant] You know, I've had one time on stage where my voice was kind of gone and I still did the show, but I was sick or I was just getting sicker coming over being sick.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so he shouldn't be losing his voice. Ronald, Ronnie might've had a bit of a night the night before, is what it seems like. That's like the thing, the idea when you see, you never think about it, but for kids, when they see their teachers out in public. I mean, that's a big deal. Like teachers have to be careful because they're, you don't want, you know,


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[Assistant] You can't really see the parents either. The parents almost don't want to know you're...


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[Assistant] That you're a regular person, if you're a teacher. They don't want to be like, oh, I saw you at Hooters.


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[Assistant] Him just, I mean, him just eventually just walk off to his grave. Like he's like, there's no reason for me to be here. And just in the middle of the guy, he's like, and so Ron, I'm like, uh, okay. Yeah, you're fine. Uh, yeah. All right. Yeah. Why does he not just leave either?


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[Assistant] Why didn't, why can't he just leave? It's like, all right, you want to just go? He's like, I actually need those papers. Okay. All right. Well, let me just read it and then I'll bring them to you. He's like, there's a, is there like a green room or something? You're like, do you call me like Jerry?


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[Assistant] Come on. You can call him by his real name at that point. Johnny, just go sit in the classroom. Take your wig off. Cool. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] He's like, this is embarrassing. He's like, I know. It's embarrassing for all of us. Here at the Ronald Ma, Dick Donald foundation, Tom Morse, I comment every dang episode. You read every commenter's name. You finally read one of my comments and say, some guy said, my name is Tom Morse. I need to brag to my friends, please. And thank you.


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[Assistant] We were trying to do it kind of quickly, Tom. And so we just breezed through it. But Tom Morris had the comment about the, last week about the golf.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So thanks for that. Thanks for this, Tom. Uh, all right. I think we're good, right? Yep. Yeah. Uh, that's it for today with, that's all the podcast everybody. Uh, so, uh, yeah, we had, uh, you know, this was a, uh, you got Thanksgiving coming up. We got,


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[Assistant] We had a sad week with, uh, so my grandmother, uh, passed away, uh, and she was 87, uh, she was, uh, she was in bowling hall of fame. And, uh, so lived, lived a good long life.


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[Assistant] Long life and, uh, we all went to the funeral and, uh, it was funny with the funeral, but this is the Barghetti. So this is the family. If everybody knows Tuesday, Tuesday was there. My uncle was there, wears no shirt and tuxedo jacket. I mean, just such a fun,


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[Assistant] And then little Bob grew up to be six, eight and we're like, yeah, we've already committed to the little Bob name. Uh, my cousin Chris, I mean, every, you know, like Gabe, everybody was there and, uh, Paige and trying to not miss anybody. My brother, my brother's sister there. It's funny though, my brother.


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[Assistant] He teaches at a school and, uh, they do a lot of mission work. Uh, G-O-D, uh, is the global outreach development. Uh, that's who these guys all work with. Uh, so he, uh, God, yeah, global outreach development. Yeah, they're G-O-D, but they said G-O-D cause they're not being as.


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[Assistant] You know, they're not above God. You said it with disdain. Yeah. God. I know.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Did y'all ever say God? Y'all don't say God, you say G-O-D. Yeaah, G-O-D International.


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[Assistant] Uh, hello, we are God and let me tell you something, we don't need your business. My buddy, John Paul, who builds pools, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Laura, I'm, I'm just totally backyard living and he does, he builds pool. Very funny. His dad. You've told this story. Oh, I did. Yeah. So John Paul, we taught his whole thing, but if you might add this here, his dad also has a pool company and he, he's now his competitor.


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[Assistant] Uh, and, but he was, his whole thing is he goes, we were talking and he's like, look, I don't need your business. We always joke that John Paul says that. And I try to say that he tries to go, anybody, he goes to his house.


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[Assistant] To build a pool and they ask any question, he just goes, look, I don't, I don't need your business. All right. And his business cards just say, I don't know how you got this number. Who gave you my number?


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[Assistant] And I love the idea of that being your business motto is everywhere you go. Hey, do you mind building a pool? Look, before we get started, just a heads up. I don't need your business. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need you, dude. I don't, you know. Hey, thank you guys for listening. We don't, I don't need you to listen to this podcast at all. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how this podcast gets started. I don't care. These are be plugged in. I'll talk to myself. All right.


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[Assistant] But, uh, anyway, so my brother, he always ends up having, doing, uh, a lot of the, my dad was always doing it, like any kind of pastor work, any kind of, you go be a minister, we need a minister. My dad would always have to do it, read the scripture and all that kind of stuff. So my brother gets there and Derek, uh, has to go read.


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[Assistant] Uh, he, my dad, he's gonna just read a scripture. My dad, he was, Derek's gonna read a scripture, uh, at the gravesite actually, not at the funeral. And, uh, so the person comes up to him and just goes, all right, so how do you wanna do this?


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[Assistant] And Derek's like, ah, I don't, I'm just reading like a scripture. I don't, he goes, you know, when someone just is not going to take that as an answer and they go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. So how do you want this service to go? And my Derek's like.


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[Assistant] Oh, so I guess I'm in charge of this service now. I'm giving the eulogy. He had to go up there and my dad talked, which was a very moving, great, he was very sweet. Uh, so my dad did that book of it and Derek just goes up and he goes, uh, he just said what was happening. There's a, there's a woman there named Di.


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[Assistant] Uh, there's friends with my grandmother and she always sang karaoke. She wanted to sing. So we didn't, there was, there was no hiring of a singer. It wasn't going to be a singer. There was, she just goes, I would like to sing a few songs and we go, okay. And so she sang.


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[Assistant] She sang two songs and, uh, Derek just goes up and goes, so, uh, made a little joke because I guess I'm the minister for our family. And so I'm going to read some scripture and then Di is going to come up and sing a song. And then my dad's going to talk. Then Di will sing again. And then we will go.


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[Assistant] Like he just told him, yeah, just going, here's the plan. Here's what we're going to do. Derek read the scripture.


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[Assistant] And then he said, die, please come. Die sings, uh, you know, amazing grace, something. My uncle Mike starts clapping, which is no one really does at a funeral. She gets dead. I mean, there's, there's maybe 20 of us in this room and, uh, he's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we all start, everybody starts clapping for, my grandmother's right there, you know, and then she sings again.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, die comes back up at the end and then we can, then we start clapping. My dad looked at my uncle Mike is like, what are you doing? You don't clap at a funeral. Like it's not not a concert. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can't not clap. I mean, poor Di is going to be like, well, what happened the second time? You don't think I brought it? And then so she clapped again.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, yeah, and, and then, and then we went and, uh, we buried her. Uh, so that's it. It's a Barghetti.


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[Assistant] It's a Barghettos man. It's a fun. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. There's always something. It's always, I mean, you know, my funeral, I hope it's something, something just doesn't work out. I love it. It's just a free for all. Like you, you doing it? Put together, put together real quick. Derek just had no idea. We all drove up me, Derek and my sister Abigail, and then just we're doing, I guess we're doing this.


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[Assistant] Uh, we didn't, I didn't, I didn't go, but everybody else went. Harper went and, uh, all the nieces and nephews and Derek and then they, uh, they all went bowl. That's great. Yeah. So that was good. And they did bowl good. Uh, so, uh, all right, uh, this week we are, uh,


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[Assistant] I believe we have a ton of questions. We're bringing the producer of this podcast that doesn't know how to separate being a wife and producer sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we have a very inappropriate relationship as a producer on the podcast and it's not, uh, it's not good for business. Uh.


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[Assistant] Laura Blair. It's Laura instead of Laura. People get mad about that. And then people, I mean her. Uh, when we did, when we shot the special or when we did the pilot, it was, uh, it was Laura.


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[Assistant] I changed it to Laura. That was, yeah. Did, do, is there any pilot questions? There was. Okay. So we're waiting. I'll get to that. All right. We can fire it. So me and Laura, do we need to talk about how we met at, uh, at Applebee's? We worked at Applebee's together.


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[Assistant] I was 21. She was on my 21st birthday. And, uh, we met at Applebee's and we, uh, and then we've been together since then. I live in Chicago. And then I was in New York for two years.


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[Assistant] And then you, we got married in 2006, right? And then you moved to New York with me. October. October.


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[Assistant] So you guys dated that whole time? Yep. Dated the whole time.


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[Assistant] And then just like every, every relationship on earth. But when you moved to Chicago, were you guys dating? Yes. And then, so my, she, before I ever started comedy, when I told her I wanted to go do comedy.


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[Assistant] Uh, I mean, you or my parents would have been, you know, but my parents were great with it.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I think it's always, you know, I say in my, when I wrote where I would be in 10 years.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, we have it, like, for my senior year in high school, I was like, where are you going to be at 10 years? I think I said playing in the NBA.


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[Assistant] Because I always wanted to play basketball, which I technically did. Nashville Baptist Association, uh, did play for the NBA. Oh, that's fine. Truthfully. Yeah. NBA is a, uh, and then I said, I want to perform at Zany's.


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[Assistant] And so, but I, I, I, like, I don't ever, I guess there was, when I look back, there's a lot of stuff. My dad always brings up, he remembers the first time, uh,


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[Assistant] I told a joke. I forget what the joke was. And I was like five. One was the spider. That was the first joke I remember was.


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[Assistant] I remember, hey, there's a fly, uh, he said, wait, there's a fly in your soup. And the waiter says, don't worry, the spider on your bread will eat it. And so I thought it was so funny. And then my dad always just says that I broke it down. Why it's funny. Like here's why it's funny.


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[Assistant] And so, I guess I was fascinated with these jokes. But in my head, I don't remember, there was never, you know, I think people think, is there ever just a big...


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[Assistant] Decoration like I'm going to do this. I've always wanted to do this. I've dreamed of it, you know, my whole life. And I don't remember that. I was never, it was like, I was never trying to do it. And then it just.


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[Assistant] I was, but I, there was so many things that were leaning to me wanting to do it. And so it was always there. And then one day me and Michael Clay and then we were going to move to Chicago and he wanted to go to Chicago. Cause I was like doing that, I was reading water makers and I was telling, uh, Trey, Trey Pearson guy with his, and I told Trey, I was like, I think I want to do comedy. Like I knew I was doing a job that's like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, I do. I am good at that. If I put, if I want to do something, I will figure whatever it is.


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[Assistant] If I want to figure something out, if I want to get something, if I want to buy something, if I want to do anything.


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[Assistant] I will figure a way to make sure I can end up doing that.


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[Assistant] Uh, and so yeah, it was like, yes, it was like getting all my ducks in a row. I wasn't doing comedy here. I didn't do that, but I moved. I was reading, I read, I delivered pizzas at night.


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[Assistant] I, I read water mirrors of the day and I went and delivered pizzas tonight and just would put that money away. So I would have, you know.


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[Assistant] I feel like Michael's is a good saver. I don't know if he had $10,000, but he had, he had way more than me. I got, I was like, got 500 bucks, dude, let's hit it. And I just had nothing, but I was like, this is good. And, uh, so I remember doing that and then I started. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It was, it was just, I needed someone that goes, if someone would have been like, I heard Denver's got a good comedy scene. I would have been like, okay. It was just.


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[Assistant] I don't know why I didn't start here. I just, I don't think I thought, I remember he said, Michael.


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[Assistant] Our Trades was like, hey Michael, Trey Pearson, such a big part of this, uh, he did so good with, I feel like he was a, he's a guy, they have a ton of kids, they had kids very early and he, I feel, you know, and Trey lives a wonderful life and, uh, did our t-shirts for a little bit and like, so, but Trey,


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[Assistant] I think was, is a guy that's like very supportive of someone that if they go, hey, I wanted to go do something, he's like, you should go do that. Just a very, he's a perfect person that was just


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[Assistant] We, I don't know if that would have ever come up. And so then he's like, y'all talk and then me and Michael.


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[Assistant] Start talking, Michael's like, I want to go to Chicago and you know, he knew second city was there. And so I go, okay, they, I want to do it. I'll go to, I'll do second city with them. And I took second city classes for eight weeks improv. I didn't love improv improv is I didn't like that. It was too many people involved in the comedy.


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[Assistant] And I was new, I was going to be clean. And so, you know, improv when people are bad at comedy, their first way to go is dirty.


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[Assistant] And so every improv class, I feel like it'd be just somewhat dirty or whatever. And it was just like, I don't like this. Uh, I want to do my own thing. And then I took a class, comedy college, uh, Jim Roth still does his class.


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[Assistant] In Chicago and Milwaukee, uh, and I took his class and it was a great class and I'm not against classes. I think we've talked about classes, but, uh, someone wants to do comedy. I think class is good because it's, I think it just gives you something, at least gives you a start.


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[Assistant] You know, I don't think you need them. You definitely don't need them. But if you don't know what to do, it's good to go start with other people that don't know what to do. You know?


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[Assistant] So yeaah, so I just did that. And Chicago was going good, and I was getting up, right when I got, I was in the Chicago Tribune, right when it first, uh, cause they did a story on his class. And I mean that was a month into starting comedy, and I was like,


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[Assistant] In the Chicago Tribune. My name was in it. I'd like, my parents still have it.


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[Assistant] And it was, cause it was like, ah, that's crazy. Like, you know, your name's in the news. It's like the Chicago Tribune, uh.


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[Assistant] She was sweeping at Apple is I could walk you to the booth. I know the booth in the corner and, uh, and she was.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and she was sweeping, uh, like sweeping it up and then she wrote it like a witch and goes


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[Assistant] Like clicked it, like, like starting it, like a horse or something. Whoa. Motorcycle. Whoa. You know, Laura, do you know that cars, uh, and so, yeah. And so then I always thought that was, it was very funny and cute. And, uh, and so then that's when I knew I really liked this chick.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And then we went to, yeah, and then I asked you to marry me on, uh, the, uh, horse.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was like a whole thing. It was, we were gonna ask on the horse, on the horse carriage ride, and then go over to that, and they were supposed to have the champagne. Yeah, I feel like it was a package of something you paid for. Like, I'm sure my parents paid for it at the time. I had no money.


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[Assistant] But you know, you're not trying to give off. You think everything that you're doing is giving off, I'm about to do this. And so you're trying to, I called your dad that day. Did you ever know that?


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[Assistant] I called your dad, uh, and, and then, uh, I called your dad and asked, and then, which I, did someone just talk about that? I would want someone to call me, like a, yeah. I bet that's going away.


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[Assistant] Cause I don't think kids are respecting parents. It really just a matter of respect that she, Harper would have for, you know, as long as she takes us serious, then she'll show us the respect.


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[Assistant] But they're, uh, yeah, but you don't want to give anything away. So I wanted, but I remember.


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[Assistant] So, and we were on a horse and buggy ride. It's not like you were bundled up. So it's not that crazy.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, and then we asked and then, yeaah, we went to...


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's all you have is that you don't, you know, we didn't have, you don't have cell phones with cameras.


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[Assistant] No, that's been the hardest part. Uh, now he said yes. He's like, uh, he said, I know you know what to do and, you know, and just, I know what you know to do and very nice. Her dad's great. Very soft spoken and, uh, it was good with it.


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[Assistant] Show, that my first, uh, the first college I ever did, Belmont.


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[Assistant] Your dad and Beth came and they, uh, and they were there. And my dad, I remember being like, my dad's going to be there. And cause my, your dad saw my dad somewhere else and then was like, I mean, loved my dad.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's great. That was very nice for him to do. Yeah. Just to get, yeah, cause that was, there's always behind the scene, you know, it's like, I don't know. They're not, no one's going to say anything to my face.


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[Assistant] Yeah, brought the heat that day. Yeah. He came in and just watched from the back and then, uh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, everybody we had, cause we never had.


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[Assistant] You know, I was, people always ask, which I don't know if it's going to be a question, but people always ask, uh,


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[Assistant] You know, was there ever a time where she was like, hey, how long are you going to do this? Cause that's a question I get from most comedians is they say, you know, what about my girlfriend, you know, whatever, which I've said multiple, I think I've said multiple times. A, if you have some, if you have, uh,


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[Assistant] So either you're not gonna make it, or that's not gonna work out. And you gotta choose. And that's the, you know, this is a thing that's commitment. Something I talk about all the time.


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[Assistant] I think we're lucky for every single person that listens to this podcast. I'm extremely lucky that they choose to listen to what I have to say and I have to go perform.


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[Assistant] With that gratitude every time to them. And it's never lost on me. They could easily walk away. And rightfully so, I don't deserve them. I haven't, you know, I haven't earned it. Like it's their...


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[Assistant] I worked for them basically. And so if anybody doesn't have that mentality and you're just going to be like, wow, Sundays and Mondays, my girl just wants me to watch a movie. It's like, then enjoy not making it because you're not giving it. You're not, you know, sacrifice. You've got to make sacrifices to hopefully.


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[Assistant] Live a life that no one gets to live, you know?


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[Assistant] So that's what you get to do. And so you got to do that. And we, you only have to like one time. I thought it was, you said, well, how long would you do it? If?


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[Assistant] Laura's independent. She can kind of be alone. She's fine with being alone, which I think is another great quality if you have a job like this, is find a partner that can be by themselves.


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[Assistant] Because they're going to be by themselves a lot. I see that a lot. Like a lot of people, like they're girls or they're boyfriends, you know, it's like, they want to be like, no, they want to be around all the time. And you're like, it really can't be that.


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[Assistant] But just because everybody's gonna be a little different if you're like, hey, my girl's here.


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[Assistant] And then you're like, okay, and then you go start talking about comedy and you know, they don't care about it. Like we care about it. And so it's just going to interrupt stuff. Like there's just times you need to, you know, do like work talk or whatever. Right. And, uh, so that's a huge quality, something very.


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[Assistant] Well, Laura also is someone that doesn't like change much. So wherever we were at, she could kind of be just, she's never going to go, I don't want to do this anymore. She just kind of does it. And then when I'm like, we're changing, we moved to California. It's like, she just went with that. And then after two years there, I mean, even moving back here, I feel like I had to convince her.


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[Assistant] And she wanted to move back here and I'm like, we're moving, we're moving home. Like that should be the most exciting thing ever.


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[Assistant] Yes, she did save and she's, I mean, we had, she always had money. She's the one that had money. If we had, I mean, cause I was making nothing at the...


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[Assistant] She got, uh, let go cause of the 2008 financial. Oh wow. Yeah. It was in the job that she had was just over. Yeah. How long?


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[Assistant] I was there four years, she was there too. And uh, and then I remember comedy did really good during that time. I did a lot of shows.


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[Assistant] We did a ton of shows. People wanted to go out and laugh. It was just a sad time. Comedy does really good during bad times.


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[Assistant] I think I wish you would have came more now when I think about it.


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[Assistant] But when you're there, you're just, I mean, I'm running around. So I'm doing five shows a night. And so it is, you get off the train, seven PM is my first show and I'm not going to be done till one AM. And I am.


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[Assistant] You're going, right when I get off stage, you're like, all right, good night. And you're like, all right, I'll be back for the second show. And then I'm hopped in a cab or running to the next club. And then I walk in there and you're like, and then you go up and you do your 15 minutes and then you're like, all right, I got to go. And then, so.


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[Assistant] If she did come, she'd sit at the club I was going to be at last.


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[Assistant] Big J's, uh, ex-wife, and then, uh, but then Carla, yeah, so Carla, you would hang out with Carla a lot. A lot, because she was


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[Assistant] And then he goes, oh no, it's Jay. He's like, we found an apartment, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's her, Laura's, him and Laura, cause we had Dan Soder and Jay do a show, Bonfire, and they called one day to see, they go, who is, who's Laura closer to? And it's Jay. I mean, Jay, Jay was just there, Soder wasn't there yet.


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[Assistant] And Soda's very close to us, but Jay was, Jay and Laura have just been forever.


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[Assistant] Laura Barr. Yeaah. Yeaah. He took, Jay took her to the hospital.


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[Assistant] We had a gas leak in our apartment and she slept there all night and then had to go to the hospital. I started throwing up.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And then, yeah, he took her to the hospital. Yeah. It's crazy. And then with that lady, so in apartments in New York, if you don't know, you have, it'd be three family homes. It's basically a town home and it's broken up into three families. So your living room space would be, so our bedroom was, would be someone's living room, technically. And then we had a den area. It was a nice apartment. And then they're upstairs. So they just break them up.


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[Assistant] And so we would control the heat and air conditioning for the entire, the thing was in our apartment. So you could only, so if someone got hot or cold, they would have to ask us to do it. So there's a gas leak and the lady, how she handled the gas leak was to lock the box.


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[Assistant] And then give the key to the neighbor, like almost like we were the one that messed the gasoline.


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[Assistant] And then that guy just gave us the key. He was like, this doesn't even make sense. Uh, and so, yeah. And we had a guy that was a bit of a drinker that lived below us for awhile.


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[Assistant] And, uh, he had a big problem. Remember him? He would throw up.


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[Assistant] You would hear him every morning. He would, it was like a construction work. He was like just a real union guy. And I mean, would come home loud, drunk, 2 AM. And then every morning you'd hear him just throwing up and then he'd go back to work.


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[Assistant] Just, and you're like, golly, the life that guy lived. Like, cause you could hear, cause you could open our door and there's these stairs that would go to his front door. And so it's like, you could just hear it. And it was just every morning. I mean, every morning, just like having, you know, like six or seven in the morning, he's got to get up early. Uh, yeah.


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[Assistant] I would have probably started like my own moving delivery company or I would have done something like that. I would have started something. Yeah. I bet it would have been something like that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it would have never been, it wouldn't have been a normal.


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[Assistant] Outside. Something that's a little different.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean I always thought about it, I was like, you know, if I ever went back to, or maybe went back to the water company, that's the only other thing I would have done. I think you're right.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, uh, but yeaah, you know, there was, there was definitely parts where, I mean I never had a crazy, it's been a very long career.


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[Assistant] And it's still going and it still can be frustrating and it's been very drawn out. There was never these moments of just, I keep, this is not working.


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[Assistant] It was always, I was still getting stuff. I got that first CMT thing like four years in.


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[Assistant] C.M.T. Comedy Stages is right behind me. And so I was like, I got a TV thing. So I did TV on it. So right from that moment, you're like, alright, I'm good enough to get on this show. So I'm at least doing what I think I should be doing. And then it just kept, there's definitely been very long, you know, drawn out.


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[Assistant] It's, it's not easy in building this. I've had to do it very slowly and build piece by piece, but that's what, that's what happens to Bill Burton. I think I've said that. It takes you longer.


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[Assistant] It's going to take longer, but you're going to gain fans and you're going to gain them for life.


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[Assistant] Cause you have to go earn every fan. You have to like do stuff over there. So it's just been that. There's been no just immediate jump. You know, it wasn't like you went from.


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[Assistant] You know, it was like you made, I was making a thousand dollars a year to then you're famous and rich the next, you know, I mean, PC people's careers, they, they get, they go from nothing to within a year they are.


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[Assistant] Mega things. And that happened. So that never happened.


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[Assistant] I remember, but I remember doing jokes where I had to at the beginning. They sound too mean.


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[Assistant] And so then people think, well, why are you married? And she's not taking them that way. But I just realized, oh, I need to deliver these in a different way. Cause that's not the point. Cause the point is, we're talking about one fight. It's not like, you know, if we fought every day, I would have.


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[Assistant] Much more material. But it's, it's, I wish we fought everyday. And then I would be able to just be getting all kinds of material.


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[Assistant] In a sense, it's, the jokes are, I mean, when everybody goes, you're either, I'm you or you, my husband is him, then we're not, it's not like you're,


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[Assistant] You're going, can you, if I was like, this person's a nightmare in my life and I'm pointing out problems that you're like, nobody has those problems except you, then we have a problem.


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[Assistant] It's not a thought that someone doesn't have. And so in a sense- It's a concept. It's a concept. And I just, these concepts have these names and I've had some of these experiences and so, but that's where we're, that's where it's at. But I don't ever do anything that would be, uh,


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[Assistant] I don't think I've ever done a joke that would be, I would tell you all the jokes too. Yeah. Before I would say I'm doing this about this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the one fell swoop one, which is new. No one knows yet, so don't say it, but it's, uh, that one is, is I think one that I knew. I think I even said it to you in the middle of the fight. I can recognize it.


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[Assistant] It's 30 seconds of fun, which is extremely insulting.


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[Assistant] I try to be, I'll tell her, if I come up with a joke, I'll tell you.


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[Assistant] No one's going to be in the, you can't as comedians, that's what someone always says there. If you are a comedian, they go, I can't believe you're the comedian. Those are going to be the comedians because


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[Assistant] There's a lot that goes into it. There's definitely guys that are like, if I go golfing and someone thinks, uh, and it's some golf course and they're like, I'm not going to be as funny as your buddy. That's a golfer that just does all these rapid jokes. That's super fun. That's a completely different thing than what we do. It's a, ours has to.


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[Assistant] Travel. My joke has to travel. It has to rely on different circumstances, different, uh, audiences. I mean, there's so much that goes into it. To make a joke work in 50 different states is a lot harder than I need you on this golf course and I need you to be in this moment.


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[Assistant] Like that's, you know, it's, it's just a much, it's a much long, it's very long. It's harder to do. Yeah. And I can go crazy.


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[Assistant] But everybody's gonna be funnier. That's not the... I don't think anybody is in a relationship with a comic and goes, oh it's just the greatest.


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[Assistant] Well you start performing, you start like, you know, it's like I'm not gonna come home and perform, you don't want, I don't want to perform.


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[Assistant] And they're good professional moments. They're a higher level.


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[Assistant] So when she does get it, she gets a much higher level concentrated funny than your average person.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well you would be- I could see that. Yeah, you would want realness. You would be like, I don't- this doesn't feel- that's someone you date. That's not someone you would marry and live with.


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[Assistant] Or she goes, I just want to watch this show and go to bed. I can't. No, barely. You do that. Well that's if it's very late. Well that's when they usually are. Okay. What time are they? They're like eleven. Eleven thirty. Yeah. And she goes, I'm just trying to watch this show. And then I just, I gotta go to bed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, some are about absolutely nothing. But you have to, like that's where comedy is.


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[Assistant] It's nothing. Yeah. And you have to be passionate about nothing. And that's, that's where it comes from. She does do money wise though with buying, she doesn't spend any money. I've never told her no. I've never had, I've never, I've never had the joke of going, my wife's spending all my money. Like it would never, I'm, it's her trying to stop me from spending. And I don't think I spend that much, but if I want to,


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[Assistant] We always, as we have business managers, I asked them and I was like, I was asked to go, am I crazy? Do I look crazy? Because they would see every comedian, ones in New York, Russell. Russell would work with every comedian and everybody always worked with him. Every comic worked with him. He had Larry Davis at a point.


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[Assistant] So it's like your, your, it's all your expenses because you're your own business. So every fight, every, everything.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that was, it started with being at home and being bored and like starting to look at stuff and being like, what if we move?


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[Assistant] And then, yeah, that's where, because if I get bored, that's why there's COVID, I've gone golf, that's why I do golf so much.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, that's my new joke that I do, where I can see who she goes.


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[Assistant] To want it, you just gotta change. If you don't change, you will not get it. If you don't have the drive.


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[Assistant] Yeah. What was like, what's one of the craziest things that we've done that you were like, I can't believe we're doing this?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's one of the questions. Who asked it so they can...


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[Assistant] And then we were going to, uh, it was just when we first met, I did a show and then we were going to try to create a sitcom.


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[Assistant] We went to the Emmy after party and because we got invited to his, you know, he was doing Late Night with Jimmy Fallon at the time. And so we got invited to his thing and then, uh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but barely. I don't know like I know now, but I knew him. Yeah, I knew his opener. And so we kind of, he was like, oh yeah, all right, man. And then he kind of went on.


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[Assistant] At the beginning, Modern Family was the, we watched together. That's true, we did. I was on the show, so I was, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Not three, I would find one, if you get one of them that really wants to do it, I would think that would do it.


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[Assistant] Cause LA time. And then, uh, yeah, so it's like you do that and then, and then I do do it cause the obsession, especially during this time, if I didn't have this, it would be. It would be a problem. Yeah, I would be doing other.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he flies everywhere. He flies, got his own license. Flies himself. Flies himself. He would start flying himself to every gig. I was like, so I was like, well, I could get my own pilot license.


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[Assistant] And then just fly to these gigs myself. Like why not do that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, we're going to figure it out. Why not? I mean, I still would maybe do it. If right now I don't want to give up golf.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Laura doesn't use, I don't, I don't use the bottoms of things and I leave them because I know she's going to scrape out.


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[Assistant] I always have different lotions in my lotion bottle. I'll just have multiple lotions because if she can put other lotions in, shampoo, anything will just be mixing on top. Nothing expires. Nothing can be wasted.


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[Assistant] I know, but so it's gotta expire at some point.


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[Assistant] But it's gonna, if it can get less, how can it not get to zero?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so the, the Katie Azelton was my wife. She was in the league.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're just, they, it's none of this is anything to them. And when we wrote this show, I did have everybody say, we always talked about it and, uh, Gerard Carmichael, who was producing on it, I think he used all their real names in his show and he's like, it's, it's fine. And I thought it was very,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last scene that we shot, we had to keep doing over and me and her kissed me and Katie, the actor, so we kissed and so we, and we kept, drew like,


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[Assistant] And then, yeah, and Harper's on two horses because Harper's obsessed with horses. And then they, so, but the last scene was the kissing, it was just like, uh, it wasn't a kissing scene. It was just like a, like a, yeah, quick, you know, married couple. Which is how we kiss. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, she, and so we had to keep doing it over, like, I mean, over and over and over. And Laura, she said, she almost just yelled, cut!


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[Assistant] It would almost been better if you were watching where it's like farther away. You've got a big TV. Nick!


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[Assistant] Nick is sitting, Nick was sitting with you. And Nick's like, it's alright.


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[Assistant] He was always on the couch. He was always on the couch. Yeah. And so he was, uh, Nick was there for that. It's funny that Nick was there for that and the other thing, but yeah, it was definitely weird, but that was crazy to go see that where you were portrayed on TV kind of.


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[Assistant] Is that crazy? No, yea, don't, yea, well if you're, yea, if it's like a, you're looking at it like a mill ticket, don't look at it as a mill ticket, go be your own ticket. And then you can be like, if he makes it, he makes it.


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[Assistant] And if he doesn't, you support him. She supported, the whole beginning was you supporting me.


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[Assistant] And then, wasn't that quick. Well not quick, it was like, but you've squashed me now with my earnings. Well now we make a point. Now we get some stuff done around here. Now he's Alabama.


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[Assistant] That's all I, as a guy, I don't know, I always think you need to make more money than your wife. If you want to do anything, you gotta make more money than her. I know, you're in trouble.


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[Assistant] Well, it's like, I can't, I mean, I've always done a lot, whatever. I've always done a lot of my own stuff, but, uh.


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[Assistant] Once you make more money, I realized like, oh, that changes a lot.


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[Assistant] I think as a guy you do want to be the provider and then you want to go, I want to go do these things and I'm in comedy so I'm having to go do, I'm having to do a lot more than normal. I'm not just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mine was to eat, like, you know, I'm going to eat. Why did you, why are you going out to eat this much or something?


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[Assistant] When I got her where she wasn't just like a hawk at the credit card. That's what I was just like, there's little thing I was like, if I could just get her to not just be


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[Assistant] And I mean, I was like, I just need to get to where she's overwhelmed with what she's looking at and she can't detect how much.


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[Assistant] She packed her suitcase that one time. That was the worst one. The worst one was, uh, she was two and she goes, oh, okay, I'll go with you. And she got her little Disney pack and just was throwing nothing and you know, toys. And she's like, go. And I mean, I was like, and this is,


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[Assistant] You know, now they can come with me a little bit, cause it's, I'm working on a bus, sir, it's just easier.


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[Assistant] And back then you're like, I mean, you're making $1,500, $1,200 for the week and I'm paying for my whole flight and sometimes hotel. And so you're, I mean, you might be making $600 and that's your money you make for the, maybe that month. It's like, you're not making a ton of money. And, but I remember her, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, when she packed her suitcase, I mean, I would have almost quit comedy at that point, or I would have just brought her and said, all right, well, she's coming and I'll figure it out. And she does really good. She does very good. She gets hard when I'm home for this, like, but she did good when I left this time of the day.


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[Assistant] She gets in a good rhythm. Someone said, uh, Tara, which brought up, cause I was, I did, I wish we would have had another kid and we just had a hit kid late and we were busy and it just didn't.


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[Assistant] Happened, uh, but having one kid, the great thing is with that, with how crazy my life is in our lives, is I have a relationship with her that I would have had a split up between two kids. And so how much I'm gone, and that was like always a, if someone, I don't know, maybe someone wants to hear that. When I heard it, it made me.


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[Assistant] It was like something I needed to hear and it made sense that it was like, yes, I get to have.


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[Assistant] Uh, wonderful relationship with Harper that is not split up.


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[Assistant] And I get to give her, when I get, when I'm home and my time is to her and her mom's time is to her and so she gets our complete focus.


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[Assistant] Can you still sing it? Can you do it for us now? Is it under the sea? Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?


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[Assistant] This was, you know, for someone to- Something in my collection complete? To hold their own. I love them. Disney's got such good music.


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[Assistant] I've married a horse that just doesn't ever quit eating. Laura eats so much. Laura's skinny and she just, her metabolism is through the roof. If she doesn't eat, she's going to die. She tells me that I'm going to die of a headache. I can't throw up. I'm going to, uh, and so.


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[Assistant] Laura is just, I mean, honestly, it's, it's just like a teenager that I'm feeding that just, I mean, just like eats her and Harper. I would say I got two, I've raised, I got two horses at the house that just eat out of a trough and just never stop eating.


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[Assistant] You wouldn't eat it. You would be like it's gross. It wouldn't be because I don't think you're necessarily full. It would be, it'd become gross to you.


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[Assistant] I have a bad appetite. So what you're doing with us, can we do it? Can we do eight? Sure. You're locked down for eight.


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[Assistant] Uh, she's coming. And then so Harper's gonna tell, come over here. And then, uh.


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[Assistant] She's going to tell a little story. Harper, let me ask you, how do you, people want to know if you hear a joke about you that I tell?


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[Assistant] So what do you think about, what do you think about a joke when I tell a joke about you?


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[Assistant] And I'll never make a joke if you don't want me to, right? Yeah?


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[Assistant] Yes, the McDonald's is your, is your favorite.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and your friends and they see you on Netflix.


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[Assistant] Is it weird that your dad's a comedian? No.


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[Assistant] It feels normal. My dad's a magician. It feels normal. So we, uh, she's going to end this one where you're going to tell a joke, or not a joke, she'll tell a story about, uh, something she did with Nick. Uh, uh, so.


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[Assistant] She said 922 is the joke police. She made, we actually have this on camera. She made up.


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[Assistant] She goes, I'm going to call the joke police. And she said the number for the joke police is 922.


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[Assistant] Bye folks. Bye folks. And that's it for us folks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bye folks. Thank you guys for listening as always to the Nate Land podcast. You get to meet my family on this one. So I hope you enjoy it. Hope you have a great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm wondering how long before I'm no longer amused by these and I don't see any signs of slowing down.


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[Assistant] Rockford, Illinois, one of the most dangerous cities in America. Oh yea? One of the worst cities in the country, yea.


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[Assistant] I'll try to step up, man. I was just trying to give some room.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You know, then that's like a admirable trait.


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[Assistant] Oh, like if he, he says he doesn't like that experiences fear, but if it was brave.


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[Assistant] Look, a lot of these words are just derivatives of the same word. Dwell, dwelling, dwell. That's all the same. Dweam is not a word.


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[Assistant] If we're bringing in other countries, I'm sure there are a ton. We're talking about America here dude.


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[Assistant] I will say anytime I have to give my name at a restaurant or anything like that, I always, I give a fake name.


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[Assistant] This was my junior year. Yeah. Junior year. That this happened. So my roommate was on the football team.


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[Assistant] And I remember we're watching ESPN and this story comes on.


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[Assistant] And he immediately says, this is nonsense. Because I talked to this girl on the phone.


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[Assistant] Wow. So he believed, so he was like, that's his gut reaction was this is nonsense. Uh, I know Manti, I talked to her on the phone at work, just in passing, like in the locker room, like, Oh, my girlfriend says hi. So did he never meet her?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never met her. It was like, it was just an online, uh, relationship. Yeah. And so then, you know, we're watching, we're like, this is crazy. And then just throughout the day, everything just kind of collapses. It was wild.


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[Assistant] This is a week after we lost the national championship game too. So this is like, this two week stretch is like, everything's falling apart. Yeah. At Notre Dame. It's all Notre Dame. It's all back.


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[Assistant] No, he, he had kind of found out what was going on.


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[Assistant] He found out the Heisman ceremony, actually. That's a crazy part of the story.


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[Assistant] That's right. This is the story that I've heard. I think I've heard him talk about it. He's at the Heisman ceremony and during a commercial break he gets a phone call.


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[Assistant] From her. Yeah. Who he thinks is dead. Wow.


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[Assistant] Brian's got the information in front of him.


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[Assistant] So this is, yeah. So he, just to set the stage a little bit, he, so his, his girlfriend died and his grandmother died on the same day.


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[Assistant] His real grandmother died and then his girlfriend died on the same day. And this became a national story because he went out and played and had like a great game. And then that becomes just a story that people talk about all season. That this great player on an undefeated team overcame these two losses in his life.


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[Assistant] Uhm, so, you know, she's dead and then he gets a call from her at the Heisman ceremony saying, I think she answers and she's like, I'm on the run from drug dealers and he's just like,


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[Assistant] I can't talk about this right now. That's crazy. They're about to come back from commercial break. Bizarre.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So they, you know, they caught the guy who did it. Yeah. A guy named Rania Tuasa Sopo. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And he was talking to her in just a girl voice. He claims to be...


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[Assistant] He would, he would, but some people don't think it was him because on Dr. Phil, he refused to replicate that voice. He's like, I can't do it with the cameras going. So I don't know what he was doing to get that voice going.


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[Assistant] After the audio, and there's some clips out there that he released, I mean, you would just never in a million years think it was a guy.


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[Assistant] And then once you look into like the extreme lengths this guy went to to lie to Manti, he found this girl and he used her picture and then he actually reached out to the girl in the picture and got her to send


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[Assistant] Specific pictures with like, words on a... He, he, you know. Wow. What's that? Why did he do it?


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[Assistant] I don't know. He didn't try to get money? He's asked about, I mean, it's, you know, why do any of these people do anything?


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[Assistant] No, he didn't know him personally. That's, that's part of what they talk about on Dr. Phil. He's like, I mean, I think maybe, I don't know. I'm confused about everything. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But now that it's in your mind, but if you had just heard that, you'd have been like, that's a woman, right?


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[Assistant] I remember reading about a, uh, a group of Japanese soldiers. Yeah. Yeah. On an island, right? On an island, yeah. And it was decades, right? Before, and they just thought the war was still going on.


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[Assistant] Yeah. This was, uh, this really made me question things, but yeah, but yeah, she got, she got a phone call saying that her identity even stolen that it was involved in a drug ring and El Paso, Texas. And in order to verify her information, she had to wire money.


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[Assistant] It is? Yeah. And it's like a part of the zeitgeist. So I heard of, I don't know how this ends though. So I don't know what. Yeah. So the kids in the balloon.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's when the Scranton Strangler is driving by and they said there are three things we need to watch live. The Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral, I think.


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[Assistant] I don't know if he even did anything illegal. He was, it was just kind of a mean thing to do. Yea, it was mean.


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[Assistant] A recent example of that of creating a fake news story that Justin Bieber eating a burrito sideways. You ever see that picture? No. It's a group of guys, internet guys, and they, they, they wanted to create a fake story to go viral. Yeah. And they, they hired a Justin Bieber impersonator and they were like, what's the weirdest thing?


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[Assistant] And that picture of Justin Breed- Justin Breed- eating a beaver.


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[Assistant] No, you thought that. It was a thing. Yeah. It's a hoax. You played there. Oh, it's a hoax. Oh, it's a hoax. It's a hoax that I fell for.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you my favorite one. This is a video. It's a video on YouTube. You know, look it up. It's some guys who, who scanned a TripAdvisor there in London. They created a fake restaurant.


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[Assistant] And eventually they opened up their backyard one night and created a fake restaurant and tricked all these people. They served them like, uh,


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[Assistant] I mean, they made it their buy and- But the Steelers got-


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[Assistant] You look like you're wearing a Northwestern hat today though. Oh yea, this is a, some random school.


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[Assistant] Do you talk on flights Nick to people next to you?


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[Assistant] They show like the photo of the real person.


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[Assistant] I just ruined the fun, I'm like, you know, I'm going back to that other thing.


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[Assistant] But my favorite joke is the one where you steal your friend's hamburger.


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[Assistant] I told him back, you better not have or I'll call 922 the Joke Police.


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[Assistant] I was not calling 9-1-1, I was calling 9-2-2. By the way, my dad was laughing because he thought it was so funny. Anyways, I hope Nick was joking. Well, bye folks.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, as a, just a, as a, I appreciate the word play, but it sounds a little, probably.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude. I mean, I'm down. We just gotta, I just gotta be able to prepare for it.


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[Assistant] I saw you say something to Burke Chrysler about it on that podcast.


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[Assistant] No, I got a laptop when I was in college, but I've always had a computer.


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[Assistant] No, I'm trying to, the last thing I have with my parents is I still use their Netflix account. That's the last thing. I got off the cell phone plan. I got on, you know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're on my checking account, but they're not.


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[Assistant] It's on there because they set it up for me. Yeah.


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[Assistant] To make it so you realize, and some people were in the comments going, we got Aaron, Alex Jones, Weber going off about these conspiracies. And I just think, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How does she sneak a duffel bag into a movie?


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[Assistant] I mean you can put stuff in your pockets, everybody does, but a duffel bag full of stuff.


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[Assistant] That's awesome. I bet nobody said that to her in a long, long time. Chad just didn't care.


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[Assistant] Oh, that you're at a prom dinner. You're like, die. I ate before.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Chick-fil-A will ask you the name, but McDonald's is a free for all. They don't ask your name, but they get it.


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[Assistant] They do get it right. I think they, well, they can see it too, right? So they, they can know what kind of car it is. I don't know. I don't know, but I saw two women yell each other at a Chick-fil-A because they were merging.


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[Assistant] And the one was yelling, well, they're going to give you the wrong order. I was like, nah, I think they'll figure it out.


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[Assistant] She's like in there alone. She's like, I'm letting you know, nobody else came to work. So I'm probably going to leave right now. So I'm not going to make you.


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[Assistant] Hey, well oiled machine dude. It's so impressive what an operation they have.


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[Assistant] Well that's a good place to be, I feel like. Can you imagine just like having two sophisticated taste buds for the most popular food in the country? You know?


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[Assistant] I could do it. I just had to go through all my credit card statements from last year for my taxes. And let me tell you.


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[Assistant] It's pretty sad going through. You could, you could see, I could remember all like the, the weekends where I was, I went to like a steak and shake like three nights in a row and got the same, it's the same price. So I just got the same thing three nights in a row.


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[Assistant] And it's like at midnight, you know, where can I go? So it was tough to look through and just see the numbers I was putting up.


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[Assistant] You're a one man focus group. You could just talk to me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're one of the top unexceptional people in the United States.


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[Assistant] This is my version of that. In college, when we used to buy beer, we used to always get like Natty Light or Keystone Lights, the cheapest beer.


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[Assistant] And if you just look a little bit to the left, Bud Light is like a dollar more per case. Yes. And we could have had such, it's so much better.


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[Assistant] Oh, maybe it was taking the la- it was the laptop not being away. That's what changed.


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[Assistant] Oh, cause he was looking down. Right. Cause he had it on his computer before this, right? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] It changed, but he didn't do anything differently. But now we figured out something that's changed.


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[Assistant] The dollar menu, or the, uh, Happy Meal. Happy Meal.


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[Assistant] You keep that ice cream, I got a book to read.


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[Assistant] I think you get the option, that's what I just read. You get the option of it. Do you want a book or a toy?


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[Assistant] So you can get fries or apple slices. Yeah. I mean, who's making those choices?


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[Assistant] I'm hooked. McDonald's is low-key one of the most


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Morally good companies in the world. They're doing more to advance the common good than anybody. They're giving books to kids. They probably feed more homeless people than soup kitchens do.


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[Assistant] I mean, I didn't look up any of those statistics. That was a pretty loose statement. But they buy it, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like dude, if you're, if you're a homeless guy or somebody, you know, and you're low on money, dude, you go to a fast food place and get a burger for a dollar. It's the most calories you can get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not how I would word it. We have the highest concentration of homeless people as customers.


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[Assistant] And people would prefer McDonald's Coke over canned Coke, you know, bottled. It was the number one preferred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coke product was in a McDonald's cup from a McDonald's soda dispenser.


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[Assistant] So this article is arguing that a big reason why McDonald's Coke tastes better than other fast food chains is because the straw is wider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that more Coke tastes can hit your taste buds at once.


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[Assistant] So you're about three times the national average, right? If you think December is a typical month for you, it sounds like you think it's a little higher than usual.


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[Assistant] It would be a struggle to spend that much.


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[Assistant] I feel like you could do it. I think I could do it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well that's cause McDonald's workers aren't slave to the bone cleaning stuff all the time. They're actually working on getting their college degrees.


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[Assistant] Did they argue it was puffery? It's one of the few terms I remember from school. Puffery.


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[Assistant] That's what I was saying, I feel like it's all for appearances at this point, because if somebody found KFC's, they just gonna start another chicken.


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[Assistant] Well, I don't know if we're gonna, cause this is a little bit of a pivot from what I just think in and out is, this is my big theory on fast food places.


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[Assistant] This is what got me thinking about it because there's a Whataburger opening in Nashville and people are very excited about it because there aren't many Whataburgers. They're very, you know, they're in certain locations. They're not everywhere.


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[Assistant] I just think when it comes to fast food, people confuse scarcity with quality.


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[Assistant] Like, in and out is okay. I don't think it's as good as everybody says it is.


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[Assistant] I think if there were only one McDonald's, I think people would be raving about it. I think people would say when you go to Nashville, you have to try the Big Mac, dude. It's unbelievable. But they're on every corner. So we take it for granted.


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[Assistant] I'm saying if, if in and out expands and there are in and outs on every corner, we would not be talking about them the way we talk about them.


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[Assistant] I know it, cause I've looked this up before, but. Do you know Nate? Yea, do you have a guest name? Yea, I'm gonna do the McDonald's joke. They have almost, they have almost twice as much as McDonald's, right? No. I mean, aren't they number one by a big margin? Oh, it's close.


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[Assistant] You don't even need a real kitchen, right? You just gotta have, everything's just right there.


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[Assistant] There's so many subways just tucked in the back of like a gross gas station. You know, they're just back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just all the, I don't know what that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waffle houses, doesn't FEMA use Waffle House reopening as like an indicator of, uh, when a hurricane hits a city, they look at when Waffle House is reopened to determine when the city's back. It's an actual metric they look at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember I went, I went to like a few months ago into a Waffle House in middle of nowhere Georgia and they were takeout only.


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[Assistant] And that was the first time where I was like, man, this pandemic's pretty serious, dude.


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[Assistant] At the Waffle House. The Waffle House in Georgia won't let me sit down like, wow.


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[Assistant] I did a weekend once I went to IHOP, Waffle House and Denny's back to back to back nights. It was a lonely weekend.


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[Assistant] I was thinking about that, but we're not watching like Nickelodeon. I'm sure he's still popping up in commercials.


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[Assistant] Ronald McDonald came to my school and taught us how to use a traffic light.


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[Assistant] I have a weird memory of that. Being a kid in the Alabama Ronald McDonald, like the top Ronald McDonald in the state of Alabama. Was he teaching you how to build one?


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[Assistant] What's green mean? Go! Yeah, I went to a technical.


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[Assistant] He taught us what the colors mean. I remember he said yellow means slow down and I've always...


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[Assistant] Every time I see a traveler, I think about, that's not really a good description of what yellow means.


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[Assistant] As kindergarten, I think maybe. Kindergarten. Couldn't have been much older than that.


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[Assistant] They're not really in a position to be snobby about it, you know?


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[Assistant] It's a mocha shake at Arby's. Have you had that? It's called a jamocha shake.


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[Assistant] I remember the Arby's next to my house started serving venison.


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[Assistant] And I was, I never felt comfortable getting that. That meat mountain sandwich is pretty, I mean, I don't know how you eat that.


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[Assistant] But it's no, it's no more safe. It's not about the safe. It has nothing to do with safety.


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[Assistant] What I heard, and I had a buddy that worked at McDonald's for a while, he told me that that's what they said when they didn't want to, when they had already cleaned it, cleaned it for the night. And so they're just like, it's broke.


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[Assistant] Eight and a half percent of all McDonald's ice cream machines are broken right now.


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[Assistant] No, he doesn't have, uh, he doesn't have any solicitation for, for money or anything. Some people are just, I mean, what a service.


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[Assistant] This was created probably for Catholics during Lent. That's correct. Because that's the only time we ate it.


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[Assistant] Somebody found a finger in a bowl of chili from Wendy's?


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[Assistant] What's up everybody? Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. Uh, hello folks.


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[Assistant] I am, uh, Nate Warghetti, Aaron Weber, Brian Bates. Uh, we are back. We did, uh, we, we did not do last week because, uh, we finished up the one night only tour. So thank you to everybody that came out to that. All the drive-in movie theater dates. It was, uh, I thought it was great. I loved them. Yeah. Yeah. You know, people, uh,


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[Assistant] You know, there's such a different thing and, uh, to get used to doing them and performing with, you know, people who are sitting in their, in their cars and they're kind of farther away.


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[Assistant] But I got kinda, I mean, I really got used to it. I liked it. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, uh, there, you know, you get, it's just fun. Like it's, you can hear the crowd, they're honking or for laughs. Uh, everybody did great. Nick, uh, I see Nick's not here, which we miss Nick. Nick was, uh, uh, amazing.


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[Assistant] And so it was, you know, fun hang. I mean, we had a fun hang. I was, you know, sad when it was over.


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[Assistant] It was, there was definitely different. Did you ever find anything out by your, uh, Aaron left a jacket.


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[Assistant] You haven't worn the NASCAR jacket yet on the podcast. I'm wearing it.


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[Assistant] I know, but you gotta bring it to the pocket. I mean, everybody would like to see it, you know? You're wearing the opposite jacket today. Uh, a jacket of a man that doesn't approve his son going to NASCAR is the jacket you have on right now. I mean, that is, you gotta come with that NASCAR jacket. That hat and that jacket don't go together. Uh, Notre Dame champs.


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[Assistant] Oh, women's basketball. Okay. Uh, a little false advertising right there. I mean, you know, something you grabbing something. You won the ACC championship. They made that hat for the, for just the ACC.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So they go, well, we got, so they just already had that hat made and then they plot, they've just put underneath it, ACC basketball. Yeah. And then, okay. Well, congrats. Thanks, man. You know, you guys did great. I appreciate it. You know, it's exciting stuff.


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[Assistant] It was, uh, I'm trying to think of anything we did special on the tour, uh,


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[Assistant] Where did we go? We went to a bunch of places. We filmed a lot of stuff. We golfed a lot, filmed a ton. There's some great stuff. Nick's going to be.


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[Assistant] The idea is, I was hoping to, cause we were filming all this stuff. You know, I've started filming stuff on the road and we post on my YouTube channel, The Road Life with Nate. And, uh, Mike Lavin, or The Homeless Pimp, go follow him on social media.


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[Assistant] Uh, he, we, we had all this stuff so we're, we're trying to see if we can put together


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[Assistant] Some kind of doc or something, documentary, not like a no. Uh, we're just trying to figure it out. We don't even know. Me and Mike are just talking about it. I'm like, I don't know. I've never done one. And so he's done something.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff and I think we can do it. We, we, we, uh, you know, we went golfing. Filmed the whole day of golfing.


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[Assistant] And that was fun. And Nick was out there on the card. And I mean, that's going to be, Nick's going to be the star of this documentary. Uh, Nick's the star of everything. He's so good. Uh, it was fun. And then, so we went from Houston and we all, you guys went back home and then I went and, uh, we taped a special. It is taped.


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[Assistant] I was, I was, I wanted it to be taped. I was so worried that something was going to pop, you know, something's going to happen and we're not going to get a tape it. And we ended up shooting a special for Netflix to two shows. Uh, it was, it ended up, I believe being really good. It's going to be very interesting to see the cut. Could have some different stuff in it.


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[Assistant] Some stuff I wasn't expecting to happen happened because it was outside. Yeah. And, uh, they had a hundred people, you know, the audience had masks.


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[Assistant] Definitely tough. You know, I got used to the timing of-


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[Assistant] You know, talking outside and the laughs being kind of delayed or not hearing them great. But when the audience wear a mask, you realize that's, that's tough because you can't see, it's, it's hard to hear them. And then you can't see their face. So you kind of start talking a lot quicker and you can't tell if like, do these people hate this?


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[Assistant] Cause there's no reaction. Even if I couldn't hear laughs, you could.


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[Assistant] You could see movement at the trucks or, you know, in the cars. You could see some kind of sign of enjoyment.


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[Assistant] The special, it was, it was tough, but we, uh, it ended up being good. Everybody that was, that did, it was awesome. And, uh, yeah, it'll be interesting to see.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it went great. It was definitely very different. Uh, there's some stuff, you know, I should see a, uh, a cut of it this week. So I'm very curious to see we get some stuff happen that I'll be.


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[Assistant] You know, I don't want to say, in case it doesn't, if it doesn't get in, I'll tell you. But, it was being outside, had some distractions and, uh, I'm hoping that it plays into it. I think, uh, you know, I don't know. I think it, I think it, I think it can and,


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[Assistant] You know, it's going to be very interesting. Hoping it comes out. I don't know when it's going to come out. I know I'll get asked a lot, but.


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[Assistant] You know, we're hoping beginning of next year, uh, it comes out sometime. So I'll obviously, you guys will know here in Dayland whenever we do it.


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[Assistant] But, uh, yeah, it was a good time. Good little tour. I have two more dates. Two more dates, uh, San Diego and Anaheim. If you guys want to come out, uh, to the Drive-In Theater, we're doing two shows up there. Nick will be with me there and Dustin Nickerson will be with me. Uh, he's a San Diego, San Diego boy.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and I'm so we'll be, uh, come out to those shows. Those will be fun.


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[Assistant] I'll be officially, and everybody that did come out, I mean, it truly was a big help for everybody to come to these shows, for that special, because I needed to get prepared for it.


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[Assistant] And so everybody that came, the audience that came, it was, uh, huge. So.


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[Assistant] Alright, well, let's get into some, we got a lot of comments, cause we'll read some from the Bigfoot episode, which we didn't have any, so this is gonna be a big comment episode. Uh, first up, amateur lurker.


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[Assistant] This is a great podcast if you're looking for entertainment that has nothing to do with the polarizing politics or controversial current events. I thoroughly enjoy Nate Aaron in Bread Basket.