[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, that is good, but it's like, that's, it was such a niche thing for just us. And I'm like, that's cool that they let that happen at the Emmys. Normally they're like, yeah, but people won't, not everyone will get it. So you can't do that bit. I'm glad that they let Keenan do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hating something toxic, butt cheeks. Does he know, does he say, does he know the word toxic? Like, ugh, like. Daddy, daddy, please stop touching butt cheeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he know toxic is like smelly or bad? Like, uh, my butt cheeks are toxic. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't deny it. I think I like that video more. She was very sexy in that video, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I know that one. Not like toxic. You said toxic and I knew exactly what that one was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There. Well, then we'd have to pay Brittany for it. And I'm sorry bitch, we're not gonna, we're not gonna pay it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did any of you guys take a hard stance against, uh, Brittany and you guys were, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like she didn't have as many hits. She was a little hit factory. Yeah, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, this is such a, you know the song, this is just a classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh sure, yea tall, long hair, yea yea yea, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not classic, yeah. I love that you, uh, are so on top of 2 Chainz shit. You have an album from just a handful of years ago. That's great. I don't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the hit off of this album? Give it to me, Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All he wants for his birthday is a big moody hoe. Well, you, I mean, Blake, you're not massive. You didn't know what the hit songs were on this album.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, as soon as we wrap up here, I'm playing that until I have to go to bed in like 30 minutes. Uh, I have to wake up at 5am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kinda sucks because that's the only place he could do it where he felt like he could be alone. He had to rent out a baseball stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I d- I don't- I don't think I've had the meatloaf at Cheesecake Factory. When I go to Cheesecake Factory, which isn't- which isn't enough- You don't listen to 2 Chainz. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Just as like a guy, you just don't go like, I'm making an aquarium day or I'm going to Legoland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, treat yourself. But you gotta have kids to take to. So you're like, I want to go to a place that I want to go to, and then maybe they'll like it too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would agree. That is, that is wildly famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I guess it, it's been discontinued for five years at Chili's, the awesome blossom. So it for sure wasn't as iconic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When was the last time you went to an outback, Blake? You're like acting like you have stock in outback or something, like you really need them to like skyrocket here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So okay, so hey, here we go. Here's the, you want to read it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, is there, where's the, where's the Mountain Dew Code Red movie? It's, it's military based?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know I had the rights to it. For two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the rights to the greatest beer run. And then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I lost the rights to it and then Peter Fairley got it and then he cast, uh, Zacky, Zacky boy and not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, it is a really cool story. There's a- the documentary that they did on it, cause it's based on a true story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's tons of beer here. I mean, it's a fucking insane story. Didn't they have a shit ton of beer? Yea, you, I mean, in the movie, I don't know how real it was, but in the movie Forest Gump, they had pallets of Budweiser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was me when I was seven years old looking for a scout. Coming to theaters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, when that came out. Oh yea, Kingpin I think might be one of my favorites. And something about Mary, my god, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when you get a laugh on the edit, that's, that's very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we're not- now we do a podcast and we're not even in the same room. Guys, I miss you. I miss my friends. And when we are, don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My microphone is fucking up. You guys are- My headset is so fucking loud right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys have any take backs, apologies, any epic slams or giveaways?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this was like a celebrity card that you got? Yeah. What are we talking about here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true, that's true. And is the Outback going to invite us back in to sort of clean up the reputation? Because the last few experiences that we've all had, pretty do-do. And I have a soft spot in my heart for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, chilies, I truly love eating net chilies, still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they ask you to leave. What would happen? Cause you're bringing outside food in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's done, everybody stop! Another episode of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so what Kyle's projecting is that he doesn't feel like he could get back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gotten to a place where I'm not thrilled with my weight, where I'm like, ooh, I should probably lose ten. But I've never been like, I've never laid down in bed and been like scared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you did the, you did the drip when you got COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blow a bag. To get the blood alcohol level low so they could hit the road. Right. Whoa. I love it. That's science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. No, you look at your friend and you put it in his- at the same time he puts it in yours, you stare at each other. Ready, set, go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to say like, gaha, I mean something else, and to be a mama and go, alright, 12 year old person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't know the shit by ten, and then you turn twelve, and everyone's like, wait, what grade is ten?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's junior high. Junior high was way different. So wait, cause I went to middle school or junior high in fifth grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you, you say, okay, now that you're at, now that you're in middle school, now that you've changed schools, now that you're with these older kids, now you can do it? You don't want to prime them so they already know shit before they get there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, fine, as opposed to, you cannot listen to that. And now, you know what he does? He goes upstairs and he listens to it secretly, and then all the- and then what other secrets? What other things is he hiding because he thinks I won't approve? Well, he's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you don't have to drink with your kid to have them have a couple drinks. I mean, look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go, I'll go, if we're, if it's just the family, and we're having some burgers, we're barbecuing, and my kid wants to have a beer, I go, why? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so they paid the lawyer. Long haired lawyer? Was it a long haired lawyer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, for sure. Everybody did that. Everyone did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what I'm saying is $800 doesn't seem like a lot to pay a lawyer to get you out of how many, what were these fines? That's wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was grounded half of high school for sure. Cause my grades were dog shit. My parents were like, until you get A's and B's, you're grounded. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we're not gonna, we're not even gonna ground cause it's pointless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only way they're getting ground is if I fucking Donkey Kong punch them on top of the head and they go into the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My move is I sit them, if we're in whatever room, I sit them on the- Oh, you gotta take away the iPad or whatever, right? We don't do iPads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I sit them on the stairs and I say, whatever they've done, let's say they like, called like their brother name or they hit him. I go, uhm, you stay here. Get on the stairs. Until you're ready to come back and be with us and not hit, like, your brother or whatever. I take the example and I go, you come back when you're ready not to be the person who does that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None whatsoever. We didn't either, but we didn't want them. Like, they didn't encourage it, and then so we were just kinda like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can cut things. You can notch wood. You use it to cut ropes. Notch wood. Yeaah. That's what scissors are for. What the fuck, you are so embarrassing right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might have been on the, it might have been in California. No, this was later, this was later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't have to be Cub Scouts. I don't think we'll, I don't think we'll do it. I think we're so, dude, we're in, we're in soccer play, playoffs right now, it's going down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they won their game the other night. They were down 4-1.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Arnie fuckin' tagged this ball and scored. Uh, I was s- Oh wow! Nice! Game winner? Super stoked. It wasn't the game winner. We won when the other team, some kid kicked, uh, left of the goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're looking at the clouds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're figuring it out. And by the way, there's always one or two absolute studs on every team. And my kid's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, my kid's not that either, but when they went into the penalty kicks, I was like, is he going to get picked to shoot the ball? And he was, and he fucking tagged it. And I was like, oh, dude, that's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just start eating, start eating right now, can we watch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fingers! Why, by the way, weird man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'd be like, they'd be like, yo, whoa, guys, what are you, you see what we're doing here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so there's one in Burbank. Where's another close one in SoCal, Los Angeles area?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Colleges? Like near Northridge probably? Like that kind of thing? Is that the route? The Papa Johns route? What franchise should we pop up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, after your birthday party, Adam, I went straight to Portillo's and got a milkshake and a hot dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but if you, if, once you have like six in your system, it stays there and it calls for more. Uhm, either you have diarrhea or you don't. But they have everything. They've got the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously they got Italian beef, but they got hot dogs, burgers, it's a whole nine yards, but then it has like the specialty items.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're chunking. Are you okay? Dude, we can't have this. It's only three of us, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, this is bad. If it's down to me and Adam, this is gonna be like a weird- The best podcast yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would, what would we really dive into, just you and I? What were you gonna say? Hey, Blake, what were you, what were you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you believe it? Damn! That's... Damn, that's sick. Kenya is... in Africa. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, if my name was Congo, I would be the coolest bro in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well that's not the one at the top, but go ahead, keep talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wait, what did- what was the one he wrote? Bleeding Love? That's the joint. Is that the one he wrote? Bleeding Love. That's the joint. Bleeding Love. Anna is saying Bleeding Love. Okay, I'm gonna play that. I'm gonna play that. Yeah, that's the joint. You'll know it. Wait, so this bro just writes-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so how does this dude tap into the mind of like, females so hard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even the thing that's tripping me out is he's not like writing for himself. He knows he's writing for other people. But here's what I think dude. Okay, you're the writer, go ahead Durz. Put us in the brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wait, I'm gonna play a little bit of Rumor Has It. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know it when it hits the hook. Rumor has it, yeah. Damn, I just played all the intros and he has some long intros.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, every person you named is the fattest paycheck as well. Oh my god, this dude has. Yes. Paul McCartney. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fine tatter. Hey, if you guys could just turn it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what's up, dude? Man, this is Blake from TII. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just saw this documentary called American Rap Star and I saw a little Xan there and you know, it looks like he needs a hit. He needs a hit right now. So if you could just write him a big banger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And get them to the top of the charts. I think the whole community would be very, very excited for that. So thank you. Everybody can turn up now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're, they're a super big K-pop band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six? No, no, no, it's way more than that. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Okay, who are the biggest groups? Wu-Tang Clan is pretty huge. That's a pretty big one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys are like shouting out big numbers, I'm saying probably the largest group as far as music goes is Wu-Tang Clan, right? It's like 13 dudes. Well, okay, hang on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that I do have a soft spot in my heart for Arcade Fire because if you remember like Sean Clements always brought in that. We had a very select few of records we would play in the Workaholics writers room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think the, the Arcade Fire album, The Suburbs came out while we were writing some season. That is, that is correct. And we would listen to that shit so, you know if you listen to a record enough, even if you don't initially like it, it starts to just click in your head like, oh, okay, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Sean and Kevin Etten had very different musical tastes from what I had. They liked, like, the National and they liked, um, Arcade Fire, which is kind of like white dad rock, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started to get an ear for it because we would just listen to it every day and I was like, hey Blake, you're a white dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, go off. Go off, King. You were in the room, brother, trust me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were a hot, hot band in 2010.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, okay, well, uh, this one's from 2002.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dang, I can't even go into his voice. Can I skip ahead? Anna, just let us have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't, that's not popular anymore. No, it was a time, it was 2010, 11, 13. Well I went to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard. It's hard to be. Hey Blake, shut up. Shut up bitch. Uh, shut up real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except for Kyle, as you can see, we're running and gunning without him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeping them alive. Yeah mate, I bet that's part of the equation. Like it's way smarter to just like blow up on your own. All you have to do is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Face your camera forward and do it or whatever. Like if you're in a band, you have all the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even going to the South by Southwest with each other before like it premiered, like at least we're rolling as a friend group. It's so sick that we have all these like collective memories. Cause even as I start to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cool when you guys remind me, we really have to keep churning it up because I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was really like not trying to hit the cloud. I was a little, uh, like thought they were like stealing my shit or something. But like, so there's like two years that I, you thought you're about to be in the family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, that's a great question. I think the butt hole is the one thing. Maybe we need to start extracting butt hole serum and putting it on the corner of our eyes to make the wrinkles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, now that I started to think about it, no, my thing wasn't that I was scared. Okay. My thing was that I didn't want to like leave whatever situation I was doing. No, whatever we were playing, I like didn't, I was like, oh shit, I have to shit, but we're playing kick the can or we're playing Nintendo. Like I'm not going to shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well now you're talking to like an older me. I was talking to me as a, as a kid. I feel like I knew you to be a tentative shitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, your whole bathroom routine is fucked bro, but go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you right now, third eye blind. More than the one that goes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, that one's weak if you reach for that. You could get four other songs from that album. That would go way harder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, you know, it's like the emo renaissance. So we've talked about it, but it's like basically like, you know. We started it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My chemical romance, all that shit goes like way hard if you start to drop that shit. Because I feel like, Third Eye Blind, we were little when that shit came out. Like, my stepdad. We were in 8th grade. He was Afrofetus. I know, but like, my chemical romance came out a little later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. But what's the one that's like, uh, closing the goddamn door? Like that one? Fucking people go absolutely maniac.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're a liar and you like all this music. Well, they're from Chicago. Those guys are from Chicago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would like to give an apology to The National. I know my boys came at you really hard, but uh, Sean Clements, thank you so much for introducing them to me. I had a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just, you were shitting on them too. I, I don't even. No I was. Dude, I liked it when it played in the room at Workaholics and I think it fed some of our greatest episodes. So I'll take that to the bank. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, these are the details. It wasn't working that well. When we get like, we get the text that we're not going to be able to do the podcast because Adam, from our manager, because Adam's gone to the hospital because he's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't get a twofer? The MRI didn't kind of scan that business, did it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New leg. We cut off this man's leg. I love the idea of you like, dying and them being like, it was a righteous death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that has- Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. So that's the- this is- this is- You said it was gojuice, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she is legitimately a practicing physician or physician in training. Probably on an internship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we really at a point where a person in that position shouldn't feel comfortable seeing somebody's body? Well I completely agree with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is not you, I'm saying people who are, who are the physicians. Like, isn't it their job to be like, this is what it is. This is it. This is, it doesn't matter. It's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does have the greatest ending to a show ever. It's the biggest fuck you. I laughed so hard when it ended. I was like, oh, oh, this is amazing. I can't remember what the ending is. It's okay. You can spoil it. I'm never going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't want to spoil it for everyone else at home, but like, just watch the last- What do you mean spoil it? The show came out like 20 years ago. If you didn't watch it by now, fuck off. I know, but people- I just watched it, so- Okay, fine. It ends like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, maybe or maybe not eyeballing Gandolfini who's becoming, uh, hyper, uh, anxious about like people double-crossing him. Is he gonna get killed? Is he not? And then, just in the middle of a moment, it cuts to black. Yeah, and then it's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it made me uncomfortable because it's so non-formulaic. I'm like, where's the fucking beat? And it, nobody watched it. Nobody liked it, or not liked it, but nobody kind of, it wasn't a critical, it wasn't like a popular success because it wasn't the cliche movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright. Yeah, well, he's in there. Uh, but anyway, like it, I just, I'm, and if you watch a movie from like the seventies or from another country, like where they're, they don't have to answer to all these executives who are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well wait, where's the callback thing that we set up and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, sometimes audiences are dumb. I'm also gonna say- And they wanna- and they wanna reach everybody. They don't want to just be some people. They want everyone to get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, what is this? And even, Kyle, hopefully you appreciate this as a director, even the language of directing now is so derivative and kind of like, let's check the box, let's just do this. I hate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you watch a movie from the 70s where they're kind of winging it and you're like, whoa, what's that shot? It actually kind of works better even though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want every film student to be like, hey, I got the deli menu, I'm done exploring the depths of filmmaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's funny man, writing the workaholics movie, I'm like, am I supposed to be hitting all these fucking boxes so it feels like every other movie right now, or am I supposed to just write what I know we dig?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think these corporations need to, uh, start including some blind actors. Where's the inclusion there? Or I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CODA stands for Children of Deaf Adults.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's also a musical reference because it's a music movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shane. That was dude from Avatar. Love that guy. What the fuck was that movie called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so the, the premise is there's a blind guy who these kids think like has millions of dollars and they're gonna go into his house to rob him. When they get in there they find out, oh this dude was like a tactical marine back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I can work in radio and stuff. No, no, no. He would team up with someone and he would say, I want the shot like this. And they'd be like, just give me the deli menu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it Woody Allen who doesn't watch? It's a ton. It's a ton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that doesn't make sense to me because you're gonna edit later anyway, so what are they doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're doing rhythms. It's called iambictameter. I know, but the rhythm doesn't exist then and there. The rhythm exists in the bay, the edit bay. The bay, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't disagree, sure, in like a multi-cam for sure, but like, you know where I'm coming from as far as like, single camera, like, uh. The rhythm can be there on the day, but it doesn't matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter because the executive's right there saying I want coverage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need to hear anything to be honest, but like to not see things is, cause we, and by the way, we are more, we rely more on sight than we do on our ears for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, like how can you live without- That's fine. You can feel it. You can feel vibrations. That's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I'm just like, can you imagine not even knowing, and by the way, people listening who know blind people, maybe they know better than this, but like, and I'm not trying to fucking make their lives sound horrible, but like, you don't even know what people look like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, we only know people, people look like what we can see, right? Obviously there's other dimensionalities, so if you can't see them, you see differently. Wow. Thank you. Right? Wow. But. I've been closing my eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you imagine? But it's very rough to the touch, it means...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me say this though, this was one of my favorite things, when Jamie Foxx was filming Ray, they put like prosthetics over his eyes to just keep him closed or whatever, and nope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He started freaking out, cause he was just like, he lost sense of like where he was, his equilibrium and all that. Uhm, and then just a couple days ago gave us the greatest Donald Trump impression of all time. Both things related, that was real


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Trump impression that they posted the other


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you saw it, it's the best one there is and it's fucking crazy. If your whole thing is impressions, aren't you just kind of pissed that there's also another guy who like on the side can do it better than you and then gets Oscars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I like how Adam's like, his dancing, his looks, those are the first things I think of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so wait, after, after taste, what's the next sense to go? Touch? Smell. No, smell. Oh, those are kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You lost your taste, your sense of taste and smell? Mhm. And how was that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this water's delicious. It's like water. Yeah, this water's good. This goes on quick. No ice in these little cups of water, huh? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was hoping, I mean. You wanna hang out? The Malibu Triathlon is in a couple weeks? Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or what? Hey, don't be a bitch Blake. I'm training. I'm training. I started training 10 days ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's called a triathlon. You can try and show up. Uhm, but, wait a minute. Uh, Kyle, just to be clear here, Blake is a runner and Adam does cycle. Swimming in my background.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all I'm saying is that if we are all in town next year, cause it doesn't look like it's gonna happen this year, let's put- let's do this. Let's throw down. That would be fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what drives me crazy. So there's like a celebrity one. I'm the coach. That's like a shorter distance, but not that much shorter. I think it's like 800 meter swim, like an 18 mile bike and then a four point something mile run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, usually I don't do any camera work. Uhm, no, but I've been doing some swimming and some running and some cycling. Nice, nice. But I've, I like, will have only trained for three some weeks for this, but I'm saying, relay? I love it. Damage. Dude. We would kill people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's on the 17th of September, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like your boy, like your boy, Zac Efron. I don't know if he's doing it this year, but I know his brother does it with my homie, Connor Dwyer, who's like a Olympian dude, a swimmer guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what was, and what was channel 101? So explain what channel 101 is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I was saying it in 8th grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, do you want like us to answer questions from fans? Do you want us to interview people? Do you want us to talk about porno more?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yes! I just know that it's Paulie. Well, who's your guy? Janice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this actress always, you can see the wheels turning in, like just off of little looks, you're like, Oh my God, like someone else says something and then they cut to her looking and you already know what she thinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the fact that she's Don- John Titoro's sister, I think I know where John got all his moves from. Okay. John might be older. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, did you want to mention, uh, the lookalike that I sent you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, they came out cooking. That's just such a part of my life. Right. That's a real rebrand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the best transition we've ever had if Blake is really transitioning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could always get a bunch of like, instead of bins, you could ditch the plastics and put them all in their own CD cases, you know, so you just have your books. Or dude, stack them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these are bands curating bands, aren't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Road trip? Are they in an RV? Is that what's happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, dude. Felt. Yeah. I'm a dumbass. I've never heard anyone say I've seen fallen trees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the final word. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One, so much caffeine coursing through my veins at all times and also the nerves of like doing the first season of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or at least have Jillian's character at. Oh dude, I did, and then I did for like, maybe, that was like literally day one. I was juicing my pit so much. And then they were like, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess what? Like, Cynthia was like, I got, I got this for you. And, and I'm like, oh, this is insane, but I guess I'll just rock it. And then I rocked it for like, maybe two seasons, because I didn't know any better. And then I finally, like, she's like, ah, we don't have them today, I hope it's okay. And then I wore the shirt and I wasn't nervous anymore, because I'd been doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why I developed that, that demand swagger. I just couldn't put my arms down to the right side. They weren't that thick. They were pretty, they were, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've lived in Southern California for long enough that you probably always kind of liked Mexico, because Mexico's fucking awesome. Mexico rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? What's up? This is infinitely worse than luggage talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm just saying it's not, dude, it's all about the sweet content. And I'm telling you, as far as boring topics go, this is worse than luggage talk. I stand by luggage talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give us, give us the walk down of the day because it did, were you black out drunk at any point of that day? Because I was looking at photos and I didn't, I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, uh, put a pin in this real quick. Just followed AJ. I mean, maybe two days ago. I think I saw, uh, I think I saw your post about that and followed AJ. Um, but tell him, uh, he has a serious girlfriend now, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you haven't been to like a ton of like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I'm a, I'm a very big Clippers fan and a basketball fan in general. I feel like our fandom is probably about at the same level, but I go to these games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I do, I have like a, an absurd, like, I don't know, I've always been like this, I just think I can do things that I can't do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sucked so bad, but when I was a kid, I was like, oh no, I'm pretty fucking good. I could play, but also I stopped playing when I was in the sixth grade. So I did not have that skillset anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and that was number two, and so this is number four, so why didn't you go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just bummed that he doesn't, they've been on this amazing run. He should be there for every championship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what is there to do? I remember when we were in Vancouver, we just went to that one nightclub, like a few times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I remember being so drunk that they allowed us to stay. What's it code orange? Orange number five? It closed and then they, like workers were like eating pizza and then we just ate pizza with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say maybe even at all on that movie because we were working every goddamn day so it wasn't like that was that was a weekend endeavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this wasn't House Party or the first Pitch Perfect movie. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so fun about, uh, just working with your best buds and feeling so free, like the... Like we've all seen each other's dicks. You've seen each other's dicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like maybe the hair like encased it so I didn't really get a see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I would like to, Kyle, I'm sorry buddy. What's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't remember if I've seen your dick. Then I can't- You haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright! Ready or not, here we come!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm not talking. Ray from Ghostbusters. Thank you. I think it's Ray Stans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In championship fashion, they did, uh, they went on a three game run to win it all, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And those kind of movies are killing it right now. Like dodgeball, like those sports comedies from 20 years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's a band that's like that, that you've- Yeah, well who have you put us on? You've aban- abandoned. Well Kyle-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. Mom started pickleball. Let's not trip. But not specifically to Kyle. My mom, when I was home just this last week. Pickleball is an old person sport. She was like, have you played pickleball? And I said, uh, no. She goes, I'm playing now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, you just told us you were like in on the early 2000 and early. It's 60 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, uh, when your folks, when my parents visit, or Emma's parents visit, they're always like, I gotta go out and get the newspaper. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Vegas. Cause when I was in college you could smoke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the worst. You'd go to a bar and it would just fucking reek. And then if you were like, you know, I went to Wisconsin in the winter, you're wearing a fleece or whatever, you would for sure come home with just like a hole in the back of your fleece, like somebody bumped in or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This reminds me of when I used to play basketball, a game I'm not very good at. Yes. But like, I just was, uh, better conditioned, so like, I would get, after it goes a long way, 10 minutes or whatever, I'm getting all the rebounds because they're just like, so then I get more shot opportunities and then I'm winning. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I play speed golf. I'm like one of those guys who like runs, like hits the tee and then you run and like only play with three clubs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New work. I love new work. Shit, there was a sign. Can we get that sign out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that Shaq's favorite airline? Somebody super famous with a bunch of money. Whoever pays Shaq the most is, uh, Shaq's favorite airline. No, somebody was like, I like to fly JetBlue because they got the Smint or whatever it is. I was like, can't you afford to like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on the plane, you got a TV, you got a TV screen and it's live TV and you watch the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I do love the old school 80's thin dad chain though. There was something to that. I like that too. I like, uh. Where it sticks to the skin in like a wriggle. I see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he still goes down that road. He's never, by the way, he is never 2,000 late. He's always 2,000 early. True. To everything, but he's too early. He's so early that you don't even


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is, what's a Jimmy Eats world song? Uh, the middle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm happy it's back. I like Blink 182's music videos, cause what's funny, Kyle, what you're talking about how like, they made emo music and you were like, I had to pretend that it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were doing, they were spoofing themselves and kinda like, doing like the ridiculous boy band video, but like, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta watch that movie. Can't Hardly Wait was, I remember being like, I can't believe I love this movie. I don't know if I've ever seen that. It's pretty good because it tried


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It tried to kind of follow like the 80s and then the early 90s like Clueless type thing and it seemed kind of not up to par from like the trailer or whatever, but it was fucking good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys need any champagne? Cause we got the hook up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened? I was joking when I said seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of us get raging hard boners every time we do the podcast together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever do like, because that was the joke at the beginning of the pandemic that was like, and uh, I haven't put on pants in a month. It's been a sweatpants summer for me. I put on pants every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking cool. In the Wargaholics movie, Ders needs to, uh, Hogan his underwear's off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I got stars because Adam Ray is in, uh, Gaslight? Yeah, Gaslit? Yeah. Lit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew he loves Ghostbusters Afterlife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Germany, someone brought me, there was like, uh, autograph hunters, always just outside of the hotel, and they brought, uh, the Funko Pop, my character, and he goes, can you sign it, uh, your name, and then 2020? And I did, I signed it, and I'm 2020, and I go, you know it's 2022, right? After I'd already signed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy almost cried. He was like, uuuh. He had like traveled from like Hungary to get this goddamn thing signed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe a week ago in front of the display. Of this. Of the Mountain Dew Flaming Hot. Cause it, it really does cause it. Well, it doesn't seem like it's gonna be good at it. No, it says up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a hot summer day, when I'm on the blacktop, I want a nice blast of heat. Let me get my heat over ice. I bet it's gonna be fucking delicious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a lot. That's a lot of sugar. Hey, that being said, Love Mountain Dew, if you want to sponsor the pod, come on board. We're big fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was too, the blast was too intense for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It creeps, it creeps down your throat. It's a nice warm feeling that washes over you. You know what it is? I don't know why they're, they put it out at the beginning of summer. This is a winter time beverage. We're taking Christmas back. This is a around Christmas. You're going to grandma and grandpa's house. You bring your Mountain Dew flaming hot. You have yourself a night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I weirdly get told that I look like Elton, and Elton John's not known as a particularly handsome man, but I get told I look like him all the time, and I don't know how to take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of, all of our hair just reeks of weed. Cause that's, that's also our weed den.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I can. You know what? This mixed with vodka? That's a night. That's Christmas at Grandma's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also VodGuy never, unless it's absolute dog shit and you found it like in a shed. Wait, absolute?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, last night Blake and I went to a baseball game and then we drank at the Cha Cha Lounge. And I was the first one to go home, I was so proud of myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now are we going Samsonite or are we going R-Renova?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just at the Grove, uh, two days ago. They're no longer there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very niche. If your whole, if your whole brand is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so you can buy for your specific size cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horse ride a cowboy. You live in the country, you're out and about, there's thorns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I love it. You're like, shame dad-eating. You're like, drop your kids off and you're like, I've got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We really did. I wonder if we could win awards with that, we might be able to. It was so fun, just a glimpse into our lives a decade ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just said you wouldn't. The number has gone up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who cares about shame? What's the point of being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Well, just his looks, like he does, he won't even say, he'll just like give a look to the camera and then walk away and that kills the audience. Oh, for sure, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My daughter's birthday was today. And the crew was just like, god damn it. We were supposed to shoot two episodes in three hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I brought up D.L. Hughley to Chloe and some of her friends the other night. Yeah. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they didn't know who that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's how I read all my news. I read the headlines and then try to explain what the article is to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he's a king, though. He is a king, though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I'm- I'm glad we have all the facts and we're all just kinda dive- We're all just- I'm all about people talking. Tiptoeing into the waters. That shit's important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He re- he really is. You know, I got some, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From Intel on Tom, did I tell you guys about this? Uh, I, I just yesterday I had to record a song with Ryan Tedder, who's a, he's the lead singer of One Republic, and he's like a big songwriter, and uh, wrote like songs for Justin Bieber and Lil Nas X and Olivia Rodrigo and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had to go do a song for the bumper show that I did. And he was telling me that Tom Cruise, he did a song in the original Maverick, or in the Top Gun Maverick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Ryan Tedder, he wrote an original song that was in the, uh, where they're playing football on the beach scene. The hunkiest scene in the movie. Where they're shirts off, glistening pecs, abs. Very hot. They do a football one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, this is fucking stupid. You have no idea what's going on, but go ahead. It's a dog fight. But really sexy though, right? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yea, if only they were playing Pickleball. If only. He told me that Tom Cruise, he asked Tom, and was like, Hey, how do you stay in such great shape? I mean, you have to be so busy and- I'm a vampire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was like 150 grand for two machines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what he says he does and he has this new machine now that is kind of like a tonal. Have you seen those that are on the wall that keeps like the perfect amount of tension the entire time? But it's like this huge fucking contraption. And he says he just does...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's the trick. That's how Tom Cruise stays looking like Tom Cruise. 10-15 minutes a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't like it, uh, Maverick? Topcon. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I liked it. I just thought it was like, uh, very much in line with the first movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and our parents were like, what is Nights of Thunder? And they're like, uh, it's the sequel that they're making to Days of Thunder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well see, when we came in hot, we had a lot of energy up top, we were excited to see each other. You probably heard it. I, I want to take back, uh, Blake Knot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you wanna take that back. Or, Flaming Hot. Okay. Mountain Dews. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, what kind of fucking perv is buying dark temptation?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, they need to get the, the whatever that type, the marketing guy. I was going to call him the chief namer, but I don't think that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do actually think that the more intelligent you are your IQ level, I think the smaller dick you have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have all of these knock-off, like, Brave Little Toaster things that I never heard about that came out years later, like TV shows and sequels and- Really? Threequels and stuff, but the original Brave Little Toaster is nowhere to be found. Unavailable? Last I checked. I checked probably once every six months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The mom dies. Yeah, it fucking runs. Little foot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a sad, that's a sad flick. I think Iron Giant was a little scarier than the Brave Will Toaster for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just before. I think it's pre-Iron Giant. I'm gonna say it's- They were doing Pixar movies before Iron Giant came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Robin Hood is in the time when you would have voice actors doing voice actors and there was a very famous voice actor named Pat Butram. Butram, he has a star on Hollywood. His name is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, B-U-T-T-R-A-M. Just how you say it. You know, you don't spell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got a wreck, got a wreck from Divine. I think that's a wreck from every one of you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard, cause I had some rats come, I used to park all my cars outside before I had a garage. And rats would come up and eat the wires in the Tesla's. And now they're my friends!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't you have insurance? Yea, you have insurance on stuff like that. That's why insurance exists, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. That's true, because it gets bigger in their bellies. It's like a fucking alka-seltzer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a giant wheel of cheese. Yeah, hella twicks and like snickers and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could probably get it down to Ozarks for cheap too, huh? Weren't they using golf carts down at the Ozarks at your parents' house? Oh yeaah. Oh, and then just drive it up? That's a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just looking out for you homie, you know what I mean? You know, just thinking. Dude, I really, really, really, really appreciate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, rice cookers are off the charts, but I did learn how to make rice, like, good. The charts of? Of, of taste. And, uhm. Kitchen taste charts. Rice. Specifically rice taste. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, cause it's sticky. They make them sticky rice and that's kinda good, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I need is one rice. Rice is good though, cause you can pour, you can mix it, you can put shit on there, you can put, it's just a base bro. Oh yea, a little teriyaki. Teriyaki? Yea dog, some beef jerky. You could, oh, you could throw beef jerky in rice, I bet you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just butter too. Butter on rice is also dope. It's fresh. Ugh. Fucking good. That's white shit right there. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I saw you get back. My children are dead, but- I saw you driving the other day, Blake. I didn't even tell you. It wasn't the same day, right? I saw you driving, you were getting off the freeway. I was like, there he is in the green jeep. Were you in the green jeep?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's dope. I, I, I fully endorse what you're doing with the Jeep. I think it looks sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was before the jeep commander? No, I had the commander, but I got that before we started shooting season one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we integrated your, your Montez's car, the American flag car is in season two, which was inspired by Blake's whip. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you gotta go do it. You don't wanna have the convo. Dude, when I bought the challenger, it was off the showroom floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really stirred up, like I was on the phone trying to make the transaction happen as soon as possible. Uh, because I was- By the way, they're like- I wanted the car after that, like really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm the same. In high school it happened the most. There was like a big parking lot, grocery store parking lot by my house and if I could like, a few times I just made it there and then just parked it in the lot and then went home and walked home and got gas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so wild. Yeah, yeah, it was kinda like, well, I got no gas. I'm gonna walk or ride my bike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, whippets were just par, and also whippets were par for the course. If you were 18, 19, 20, harder to get alcohol, like you could go to a porno shop and get whippets. You could get pornos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you get box of, of, of the fucking canisters. Why? Why? Why? There was some trend amongst like a sexual community. Oh, cause like when you jizz, you want to be doing that, right? When you come, you, you take the whip at him and it's like, it just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could get a straight up cracker too. You could get a- What is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you only had to be 18. You could get- I had a cracker. It was like a gold cracker that I twisted. It looked like a bike peg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Congrats to the newlyweds out there in the air. Congrats. Enjoy it. Marriage rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to the club! Yep, yep, here you go. Welcome to the club! Welcome to the club. Look, it's a tough road, but it's worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so be it. So be it. I mean, I do think there's a core- That's one area, one person. Is a bagel. And this is a hypothesis. This is not God's honest truth. This is a hypothesis. I'm just stirring the pot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alls I'm saying, when I walk around museums, nobody got a hog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today we talk about fucking cornhole. Why does your dick feel so weird in me? Can we please fucking play some pickleball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was that song. You knew that, right? Yeah, that was the same song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, did you see flight? Did you see flight with Denzel? He fucking did some, that dude did some great shit while drunk. Great movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be actually fucking sick to learn how to fly a plane. Absolutely. Yeah, I feel like that's your thing. I think I could probably be very good at that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have the desire to fly a helicopter as much as I would have the desire to fly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Must be nice. Like when we're scouting for like helicopter shots and stuff like that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fuckin' cool. I think I've been in two? They don't just do drones now? No, we took a, we took real helicopters up. Goddamn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, you're right. Me too. I still did the paper route. Yeaah. I went right to Norwegian class and told everybody in Norwegian that... Yeaah, US history was crazy that day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I'm playing it. Now I'm playing Pickleball, and I'm playing it as much as I can, and I fucking love the game, uh, and I wanna play with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great cardio, great back and forth, good hand-eye coordination, and just a lot of fun with friends. And that's why I think we should do it together. Okay? Are you down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we've been playing, like, learning the rules. Like, you know, there's certain ways you have to serve and certain... I guess I'm wondering, I'm asking like, who are you playing with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's called Ultimate Smash Ball or something like that, like that was the brand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not the same game. That's the, these are, these are. You can't hit it off the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go watch it on YouTube. I go, I go look for like this, the specific PBA circuit opens. They have like, they're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This golfing is more fun than golfing, right? Not necessarily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got the fucking dude sweater right here, bro. Pendleton, baby. There it is. Yeah. Ready. Love that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. That movie is so fucking good. Yeah. Big Lebow. God damn. It's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It's got a special place in my heart, but I don't know if it's their best film ever made. Uh, cause they make great movies, dude. They make great movies. I mean, there's some clunkers, but they make great movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go back, check it out. Burn After Reading is super solid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you have to buy, do you have to buy Peacock? Blake and I were talking about this the other day. Do you have to buy it or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this is like, this is like how people are bragging about minutes watched now and it's like what the fuck does that mean? Are they bragging about minutes watched?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For 20! It's just the fucking algorithm, the robots are green lighting everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They actually do have Ryan Reynolds dressed as fucking Indiana Jones. Okay, yes, it's very nostalgic, but it's so dumb. What else did you take away?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He turns into this thing, I believe. Hold on, I'd like to give some flowers to Red Notice for the most minutes watched of any Netflix show ever made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I didn't know you had that. I didn't know you had that register, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's like this, this is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not trying to derail this, but just a quick fat sales story. Okay. Okay. I love fat sales. Cause it's turtle's restaurant, I think. Whoever played turtle. Oh, is it? It's Jimmy? I gotta go. Yea, he's an investor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who like got skinny and then has this restaurant? So I'm like, is he fat baiting? What are we doing here? Um, but I go cause I'm a dump truck and the guy who like manages it comes out and is like, Blake's dad is here all the time. I can't wait to sell him. I saw you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I do have, I think I had like a dumb tweet once where I was like the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was teet, was telling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, per six inch, per six inches. Oh, three per six. Let me hang on a second. So you get six per twelve. Yeah, it's probably about three of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, we can't give enough flowers to Subway for when they were there during the great 2008 depression recession. They saved lives, including mine. Uh, can't go in there anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find myself going to a Jersey Mike's if I'm gonna go that route. Yes, anything. If I'm gonna go like a quick sandwich like that or I'll go to like a local sandwich place and pay out the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. How many beverages do you guys have? I have an assortment. I have a bevy of beverages. What is that? Waterloo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the black card just means they're watching you while you're in there. They're like, you have to pull it out and shamefully be like, and uh, keep an eye on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you guys are ever at, uh, Disneyland or Disney World, and you see somebody in a group of like, from like four to ten people, I think it is, being like walked around by a guide. In a vest. Then they go in the vest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's 11 for up to 8 or 10 people. Uh, I just remember them being like, and uh, did you want to do this? Cause like, that's what so and so did. Some, some whatever, some other actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, oh, for sure, we definitely have to do that. And then they go to 11 G's and I'm like, I'm bringing my family of four. There's no fucking way my kids are worth that. Sorry. And we just got the fast pass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, shout out to my guy who, we got there, he saw me and he goes, hey, let me just give you that shit on your phone and you could just walk up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing that's gonna fucking change that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the car's ride is dope. It's fast, it's got some speed. For like a three or four year old, that's great. Well, three or four year old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one's going to see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a second. So we have a stab is that, I think I'm the only person who's seen Drop Zone, and you never wrote it though. You're like defending it, Kyle. You're like, how?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really long. A guy or worse someone from your family holding you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about? You can buy one. They're 70 G's. Actually. No way. Yea, if you get tickets at Disney, they're free for $75,000. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, they're real. They're just as real as those robots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you do? What do you do? They're being funded by the U.S. government. Like, they're for sure making Johnny Five. And if one of those things gets struck by lightning, we got a fun movie on our hands. Yeah, we do. But if they don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we don't have to send human people to go into a war? Yea, you send robots to kill humans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started watching T2 the other day and I was like, this is, this, like, Cyberdyne is online. It's go time. Cyberdyne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, is that the brand that makes it? Or what does ramekin mean? Or is that indigenous to the food industry?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a small dish. The term is derived from the French ranguin, uh, or a cheese or meat based bowl baked in small mold. Okay, yeaah. Hold up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] French onion soup. So basically, it's like Shea Lounge. Like we've just kind of bastardized how we say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just gonna say, Blake's, he's talking about people slamming it. When's the last time you had it, pal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that Arby's is Arby's as in roast beef. Woah. Which I learned, I guess like, 15 years ago, but some people, uh, you're learning it right now. You were today's years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of salsa do you like? What color, uh, do you like, like a, a smoky? The green. Oh, verde, verde.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was Cholula cause everybody just started gaffling that shit and they were like, okay, we're, we tried to be nice and now everyone's stealing our, our, our sauces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. You like the move. I'm so sorry. I misinterpreted that as exactly what I was talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's wild. Honestly, I don't even know if I could piss myself purposely. Really? I mean, how long has it been since you've just been standing there? Like you, we've trained our body and our minds to not do it. So to just like rip it, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, we gotta do this, we gotta go buy diapers and then on the podcast wet ourselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'd love to hear about it, but... You don't care about that? I'm just saying, I feel like it'd be very difficult for me to just grip it and rip it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit man, I had a blowout during the pod. Fuck. Hey guys, the look on their faces would be classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was kind of wild. That was a dark, dark period. I think it was, yes. Something about like fully gearing up to beat off just didn't seem right. And then I like threw it in the dumpster of my house and was like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know we're gonna hang up, I know I'm already- What movie? Top Gun? Yeah, yeah, Top Gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know. I don't fucking know what movie. Gosh. But I know in the middle of the night I'm just gonna go it was so and so. By the way, then after they gave us the ones that were like named after people, then we got the tanga eggs. Oh, the tanga eggs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Legit, we've talked about those before. But then we got this like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pleasure chest? No, this was a thing. I might have got it out of the box real quick, I'll say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to have like dexterity, you know what I'm saying? You had to have like a really tricked out Marvel card rating to be able to operate this thing. Yea, your dexterity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right in my dungeon master. Uh, but I used to do it because, um, I went to a sports camp, but I wasn't like a sports kid. So in the back of the bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DP to DND to ATM, uh, but the, the back of the bus was me and like the four other kids that were not like baseball kids or whatever it was. And this one counselor would just be like, we're playing Dungeons and Dragons. And he would just be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're this, this is your power, you're this, this is your power, you're this, whatever. Just like, real off the cuff. And then he'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it is, it is that. You go, you go, alright, these are the characters, now let's create scenarios for them and use the things based on what we've already agreed on. Are there, you know, strengths, weaknesses, da da da.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I know is that he rolled up on me and was like, he just flat out goes, so how many,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and so he has those cards. I don't know where we go from here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gave him a heads up before he went to school. I go, don't trade- You're gonna get your ass kicked. No, no, I was like, don't trade cards with anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care what they say, I don't care if you like the look of their cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know what you're doing yet. Don't you fucking trade cards? No, I was like, I was like, do not trade cards. Learn, learn more about this before somebody tricks you into getting their shitty cards for your good cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Transformers unsaturated fatty acids. Uhm, I have... Guys, what do you think the odds are Anna's really mad at me when we get off of this? Like there's an aside where it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the name of the tall tree? Groot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, this, in the comments, he's gray and red, he's- Bro, these guys are saying he's gray and red.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the best in our gym class. And then my homie, uh, Toof, Alex, we would go to open badminton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Wisconsin and go to these gyms and we would play each other and it was fucking, it was a good time. We had fun. And then these dudes from Asia, where it's a real sport that a lot of people play were like, do you guys want to play doubles? And we were like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta be part of the association now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's a pattern with you. This is a pattern. You're a searcher. We talk about you behind your back and you're a searcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, maybe you are Keanu Reeves to hearken back to last week's episode. You're the Matrix. You go in, you download it, you know Kung Fu, and then you move on to the next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not professional if you're not getting paid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, if we're playing, if we're gonna play Norwegian Poker, count me in. What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a memory game. And then- Yikes. Yikes. And then you draw cards and you basically try and get the lowest- you go through the deck and you get the lowest number. It's not really cards, it's like for absolute tiny children. Sure, that's cool. And you gotta take like a risk- Let's play that! Looking at the one- Let's play that!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't tell, this isn't for the pod. Sorry. What are you talking about? Madman!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why out of respect for people who are excellent at this shit, there's nothing that would, at this point in my life, five years of training or whatever, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I just, I have zero, I don't have that bone in my body, um, to like jump into something hyper passionately anymore. We're like, I'm, I just don't have your kids, you're going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gear and time. It's not gear and time. These guys are fucking... What else is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, skiing. Skiing is gear and time. Are you gonna be fucking- No, no, no, but- No, no, Ders-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said professional. Everyone here, you said professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you win money? Win money at a competition or your, your, your, your government is paying you to train or there is a money contract from a sponsorship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could become what you are in five years, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd say bring it on. Like look at these guys who play Spikeball now. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me five years, I'll be the best watcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I don't know. Maybe 20, if you asked me 20 years ago, I would have said like, uhm, I could get into those like tough mutters or whatever. Those like obstacle course things. Uhm, but these days I just, I don't have that speed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's all I care about. Like I was thinking like, oh rowing, but then like I look at people's times who were like in the Olympics and they're still like a minute and a half faster than my 2k. And I'm like, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything that's Instagrammable is, yeah. Yeah. Where they're like, hey, take a picture of yourself with mud all over your face and let everyone know you're a weekend warrior. Yeah. Perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was a thing at my summer camp where you'd go on a mud walk, right, through, this is in Michigan, so it's like, it's not a swamp as much as it is just fucking dank muddy like, uh, woods, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean maybe, but not really. It's not like, it's not- Are you wearing waders? No, no, no. That's the whole point is you just jack your shoes up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yea, you're, you're just saying maybe you jack off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and then you get fully muddy and then you walk back, because the little mud area was kind of off campus where the cabins are, and then you walk back as a cabin, you're all muddy, everybody sees you and they're like, oh shit, looking crazy. You like go and hug counselors and all that shit. Oh, that's cute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aggressive inline skating, bro. Did you guys see freestyle walking for the first time in person or on that? That's my thing. Or on the MTV special where the guy was a freestyle


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could get- I thought that's- that's not the way you do it? No. No. You can do- Freestyle walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause my kids threw on a movie the other day called the International Weenie Roast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Weenie Race International, and it's like a straight to streaming movie in the vein of like this cost no money, but in the credits it said Austin Anderson and we watched the first 20 minutes and I didn't see him yet, but I was like, is Austin in this movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Does he have like eyes that are far apart and like a swoop hair? Yes. He loves it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the all forward hair and it goes out. And yes. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I'm talking about something. I'm talking about something. I dedicated myself. Sure, sure. I got to a certain level after however many fucking hours, uhm, like whatever kind of specific physical things that gave me


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, any kind of advantage or whatever. There were still people that were so much more elite than me and I took 15 or whatever, 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is, now you're talking about, so, my kid just got the Guinness Book of World Records, and as we, when we were kids, it was really cool, it was like, longest hair, longest fingernails, fattest twins, now it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gina Davis, you know Gina Davis was in the Olympics for archery? Yeaah, totally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't some homies do this with curling? Where they were like, we wanna go to the Olympics, what sport do we think we have the best chance in? And they started doing curling and they actually made it to the Olympics? Or like, or went to trials or whatever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but this is what people do. This is what, so I know a handful, I swam with a guy in Wisconsin whose parents are from Poland, so he swam for Poland. Even though he was born here, he's got dual citizenship. So he was like, and he's very, very, very fast. I think he finaled at the Olympics, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He probably wasn't going to make the team if he went to the United States trials, so he like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forfeited that and then went to the Polish trials and was their fastest guy and went to the Olympics. A lot of people do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Adam's wedding, we were talking about something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you not hear about- Kyle, you heard about this, right? Your brother- I don't know. I don't know. Comes up and he goes, we were talking about something. He goes, I mean, shit, my brother, I always looked up to him. He had the world record for Pogo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, what? Yeah, he said you had it. And I go, what? When? And he goes, when we were kids. And I go, how old? And he was like, he was like 12 and I was like nine or eight or whatever. And I go, Kyle had the world record for pogo sticking at 12. He goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, no, he didn't. And he goes, yeah, no, he like, he like slept leaning up against the wall. The whole thing was that you just couldn't get off the stick. And I go, Adam knew a check baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your brother lied to you when you were super young and impressionable and you've thought this your whole life and he goes, no, it's impossible. I go, think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it does keep going. Like uhm, like how when you're sitting watching Big Fish and you're like, is this over? And nope, just, it keeps going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I'm not saying I couldn't get good at something, or even, or better than most people, right? But to be a profe- you're, you're pretending like there aren't people out there that are amazing at something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I would jump in, of course, bro. I'm game for just about fucking anything, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people know to like start it at a low volume now and then they're like, okay, is it like minute three? Let's turn it up a little bit. Cause these guys come in hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A jacket? It's a hat, brother! Yea, is that a jacket that you've wrapped over your head or it's an actual hat? It's an actual, like, it's a bagel. Like, uh, emergency vehicle, side of road, look at me, it's nighttime, bucket hat. It is very look at me and I'm glad you said that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what are all, let's name all the gas stations. Yeah, what are all the truck stops? There's the Flying J. The Flying J is hardcore. You can take a shower there. Yeah, for just like a couple quarters. Why do you guys know about this? I don't know about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TSA? No, that's like flying. I just know the f- No, it's just a big T and a big A, right? It's red and blue. T.A. Yeah, you're right. Yup, there's got it. Yup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God damn, that was my favorite bro. My favorite. That was a great one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got out to my liquor store. I love places like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It tasted good, but it just felt weird. Yeah, the key there was you were like crushing it, you know what I mean? So you were doing the damn thing on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was terrible. It was terrible. Ivory Spray?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll send it, I'll send it on the chat. Thanks, brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, so there's like, there's Ritalin, and then what's the other one that is like Adderall?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what it was? Like it was just floating around, people actually got paid in Coke? Is that like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm trying to remember, like, what were my good ones? What would, I remember calling on the radio, like Oakland A's radio, and I would be like, What about, uh, bungee jumping? The best one that Kyle did. No, I mean, I don't, there's a hole in my memory. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what happened? Bare-bottom spanking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, did you ever fuck with MM80s or M100s and shit? Did you ever fuck with the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brother got a hold of a couple quarter sticks of dynamite and had like a fucking M80 and he was all about explosives and we were making little movies so we were doing like squibs and shit and like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One, one thing that he shot that scared the fucking shit out of me is he put a catchers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like this, I don't know, like it went up the chest and then it went to protect his face. It went like this, you know? So he bent a piece of metal and then strapped the M80 right here and then lit it. So he was, I mean. So he had like a big sheet of metal. You know, we're filmmakers, we've always been relatively safe about this stuff, but it was still very freaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that was pretty brutal, like, I think that ended very brutal, like it knocked him out and I think there was even like, wasn't there like, they were pissed at him? Like yea, allegedly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My teeth are morphing. We all might need to get adult, adult, uh, not braces, but like Invisalign kind of thing. Did we all have braces? All of us? I did. No. I wore rubber bands, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what happened to my bottom, my bottom, I got the Will Ferrell bottom grill right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They take it off the roof of your mouth. They cut pieces of gum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was a woman, I wouldn't be a big-titted woman. I'd be a big-ass woman. Why are you putting on a brassiere? It's not happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, turn up the dog, cause I wanna hear you air rip it, Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let's, hey Kyle, do one more, that way Todd won't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember those overdrafts as much as you remember us being the party police?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I have the same thing as well. It was my college, uh, I opened it when I was 18 when I first moved to California, my Wells Fargo. I also, it has a place in my heart because I love Wells Fargo. I love that they are known for ripping people off. Extremely known, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, here come these guys. Blake used to count his, literally count nickels and then take in a little sack of nickels and get like $23. Oh hell yea dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wellz Fargo has done shady stuff in the past, right? Have they? So do we think, yeah, they were like, they were, uh, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they overdrafting my shit? They were, they were, they were opening accounts for people, uh, without their like full knowledge of opening accounts. And then they had to cure charges because it had no money in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did it for, like, thousands of people. It's like a huge class action, uh, lawsuit against them. And I'm saying that, like, I know what the fuck it is, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was a woman, I wouldn't be a big-titted woman. I'd be a big-ass woman. You don't think you'd have, uh, cans? They all work at USAA!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, just speaking for myself, I would be, uh, up top two bee stings. That's what I would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a creep, there's a creep at the top, on the Wells Fargo pyramid, who's just only picking hotties with bodies to work at at Fargo. It's like Libra Crombie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. My Catholic, uh, elementary school when I was a kid, I went to a Catholic elementary school, it had a shitty, it was like a shitty school. Like really shitty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it had an indoor basketball court and the ceilings. Yea, but that school, that school, we're talking church. The ceilings were 12 feet high. You would, you would constantly be throwing the basketball under the ceilings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they would let you play like violent video games? He's gonna watch me J.O.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a late bloomer too, Blake. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, I once again, I think I was also way hornier than Blake too. Like I didn't want to just play the video games. I wanna do...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it was. I know I didn't want to smell, I wasn't like trying to smell, but he would always come up and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was named after a girl that lived in our apartment complex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was fun. Yeah, she was cool. Yeah. Uh, and we called her The Darkness, and I always thought that was a fun name. She had really, obviously, like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, it was, it was so black. So obvious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. What up? Hold on. Uh, Blake, hit us for something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm too, I'm too, I very much was expecting to get it in Italy because we had finished, each time I got it, it was at the very end of a production.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a nice pasta, drink some happy spritz. Yeah, wait, uh, but didn't get it. So yeah, I'm twice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they got, they got the very, very first wave. Uh, like before that we even really knew what COVID was. It was like those first few weeks. And then they got Delta and then they got the first Omicron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, dude. Oh, cause you just went, you just went on that batch party. That's where you got it from, huh? Oh, you got it in Vegas. Yes. Vegas baby. Damn. You got a Vegas baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll do it in the car, I'm not saying, I'm not gonna keep it for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I'll go to my nearest church lock-in and, uh. Get up a sleeping bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I drunkenly, uh, crashed a prom the other night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We s- we stopped in and saw- saw that there was a party and they're getting married at, uh, at this venue that we saw from the water and there was a- Who's they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Zac and Chelsea are. Zac and, Zac and Chelsea, right, right, right. Oh, copy. And so they, we were like, oh, there's a, there's a wedding happening right now, let's go look to see how they did it. We were at first, we were very drunk and we were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it became like a little bit of a photo booth where I'm just taking photos with a ton of kids in sparkly dresses and then, and then I was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was loving it. I was ready to, I was ready to throw down. Yeah. Uh, yeah, no, it, it all happened. We were in and out within five, 10 minutes. It was a very quick, quick turnaround.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah. No, I didn't get a bus out the tornado. It was right at the end. People were sort of starting to filter out. I think, I think they had just, were just wrapping up. Right, they were going to drink, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, you're not dealing with Quartz? I just dealt with it for three plus months. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, it was gas, it was gas. I kept going past the gas stations, and I'm going, god damn, gas is cheap as fuck here. It was like a dollar seventy, uh, and I'm like, this is cheap as shit, dude. Uh, and then I found out it's quartz. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought everyone was gonna be on the, driving on the right hand side. But only England does that shit. Only British.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cat Williams special. That happened, dude, that happened on our watch, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there's not a lot of, uh, cunnilingus back in the 20s, I bet maybe they really started to do things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Box all day out there. Okay. Were they? Wells Fargo? Okay, but then they're getting hairs all in their, in their mouths during the Wells Fargo days. You know, during the Wells Fargo days. Yeah, but they didn't give a fuck. Why did we start caring?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we do a live tour and we're at the Fillmore in Detroit and I want Ders to get his butthole lasered on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that seems like a proper amount of time to, to, to be able to see. Ten years? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I'm not scared of that really. It feels like it's such a normal procedure that I think I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brain's right. Brain looks good, Chuck. Looks good, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Orthopedic is not feet is it? That's bones. Orthopedic is bones. Oh yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and that, that is what, uh, I, I believe I would be an orthopedic surgeon as well, just because of all of my, my knee surgeries, I think I would, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you smell. Why? There's a ton of bones in the, in the feet. Why are they not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, those teeth look, those teeth look fine. Yeah, I think they look good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, uh, I'm starting to have that, that same thing up top. I used to have a gap in my teeth and now it's, it's pushing in and there's no, there's no gap and I'm afraid they're gonna start to go whoop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There goes your personality. And get all, get all wonky. I know. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's so sexy though. With the hairline down to his eyeballs. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also titties though. Let's not. Yeah, but also fake titties. Yeah, also titties though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to be like an ER doctor. Do they have ER doctors at children's hospitals? I think that would be very, for sure, rewarding. That would be so scary. You have children's lives


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you get to save kids' lives. Everyday you get to be like, oh yeaah, some crazy shit happened tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, none of us got that deep in new craft beer, so, you know, we couldn't. We couldn't. Yeah, we weren't allowed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, wow. My sister's gonna come over to have dinner. I know, I'm, I asked him multiple times last week, and then nothing. Not a great playoffs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From your mouth to God's ears. I thought, I thought Dallas was their, their biggest shot of getting knocked off and they're just handling them. And I think no matter who wins the Celtics and Heat series, they're going to, they're going to roll them. So congratulations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You're off the project! Sorry, that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I didn't have my tuxedo. Also, I got too fat for my tux. Did you guys all get these, like, free tuxes? I remember like a few years ago I was given a free tux. Is that where you guys got your tuxedo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, I also did, but I, uh, I can't fit in it anymore. I'm so, I'm so proud of you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know what I do is I ju- I drink, I still drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say every, I say the whole world, let's all adopt this. So we're going to say like, uh, like, like as the 30 people said, fuck Kyle in the preamble in the Sizzler reel, uh, maybe they should say, they should say, uh, let's go, um, Greg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder if you are like, what, I mean, you're, it's, you're kind of crossed up if you're like, your name's Brandon, but you're a huge Biden supporter. And is that a real thing? Anytime someone like yells at you like, let's go Brandon. And you're like, yeah. Oh, wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think people, well people are like, Kyle wouldn't betray and, and leave his friends, uh, he's not an asshole. Right, but he just apologized. Frick, see ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they didn't know. They didn't know that that was a bitch move and not an asshole move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think this goes to show that no matter if you are a bitch or an asshole, you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, I wonder how many podcasts Kyle is going to last because what he doesn't realize is that we're about to do a ton of podcasts this next month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't, I don't know. I think, I think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six. Because we're doing multiple. That's a good over under. Yeaah. I think six is the real number. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't start with this podcast. It has to be the next. It has to be 70. That's the first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he will not, remember that one time when that girl wanted to have a threesome with us, Kyle? Say what? And then we didn't, we didn't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I for sure would have probably seen your like, the back of your nutsack or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they just find like a, like, and the unicorn is just like a pretty slutty person that's willing to have sex with two complete strangers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? Lauren Lapkus, uh, was just in the movie, uh, that I did, uh, that Blake is also in, The Outlaws, and she's very funny in that as well. You know she grew up on my stream.