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[Assistant] First of all, we'd never seen YouTube. It was the first time any of us had seen YouTube. And he played, uh, I think it was like Storm Patrol or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I remember for Lonely Island, uh, seeing Stork Patrol, I think was the video that I saw, and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, I was like, oh, this video's hilarious, these guys are hilarious. But then also I was like, holy shit, what is this platform that you can just push play and a video will actually, this is how old we are, uh, that a video will actually play? Because what we were doing is we were uploading QuickTime files, links.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sending it to people and then people would have to wait like 20 minutes to watch our like 5 minute long video and it sucked and no one did it.


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[Assistant] It was like music was super loud. Jillian was writing for SNL that season. Remember it was the season we were writing Workaholics and we weren't sure if Jillian was going to be able to do it because she's now a writer on SNL and we weren't sure if scheduling was going to work out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, go to like the SNL after parties with her and stuff and we're like, oh hell yeah. And so we go to New York to visit Jillian and we go to the after party and Andy Samberg's there. We're all fans and it was cool. And she introduces us and the music's loud and he's sitting across the table and Jillian goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Andy, this is my friend Adam. Adam, this is Andy. And I go, hey, I'm Adam. And he goes, no, I'm Andy. It's Andy. And I go, I know, I know, I'm Adam. He's like, it's Andy. It's Andy. And I'm like, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then we had this same agent at that time and my agent called me that next week when we were back in the writers room at Workaholics and he was like, hey, uh, Andy called me and said that you guys almost got in a fist fight because he misheard you and thought you were calling him Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know it got that real. Yeah. And then, uh, and then he was like, yeah, he just wanted to, and actually we squashed it there and he was like, oh, I'm sorry, people call me Adam all the time. It just bugs me. I thought you were doing it to like shit on me. And I'm like, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was talking with, uhm, some band, I'm blanking on the name, uhm, they wore cool hats, they're really tall, uh, Arcade Fire. Yes, the, yes, the lead singer is huge. And they're in a circle, and I like just chum up with them and like try to get in the conversation, but I'm so drunk and I just remember


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, thank you Ders. Uh, his look of disappointment. Jon Hamm has the best look of like, I'm so disappointed in you. You're such a piece of shit. I'm moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and he just looked at me in that look and I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, just disgusted by me and I'm like, wow, there it is. Over back. Wow. He is talented. Look at him. Over back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, for a solid four or five hours probably. And, uh, I went with once with Chloe. We were in New York.


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[Assistant] And clocks her head back like a classic big Chloe laugh and she.


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[Assistant] What's so fun about those after parties is just weird shit that would never happen in life would happen at those after parties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a 21-29 Clippers. We're up 8. Uh, it's just started the second quarter. So, you know, I will get to watch a lot of basketball. How about that last game? I'm happy about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jake Crowder passing it over Boogie Cousins, had inches to spare. If he messed it up in any one direction, he was just gonna clank off the backboard or clank off Boogie Cousins' hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sopranos is pretty slow too though. Like, I think you just don't like slow stuff.


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[Assistant] But Kyle, I was just talking about how me and you, we, it was like, me and Kyle, when we watched like six seasons of The Shield together, and we would call it going to work. We'd be like, hey, you ready to clock in? And it was like ten o'clock in the morning, and then we'd watch all day long, until like six, seven o'clock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I kept telling Walter, Walton Goggins, uh, cause he was on, he's on the right's gemstones.


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[Assistant] I just want to say congrats Chloe and Adam. I love you both.


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[Assistant] I did, but I definitely asked my homies like, yo, am I glowing? Cause I will go home.


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[Assistant] Why his religious family fears he possessed by the devil?


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[Assistant] Didn't uh, didn't uh, our buddy Thomas told us that like the whole purpose of groomsmen was like you picked your friends who were the best sword fighters just in case somebody rolled in to try to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think it is? Your best friend. The groomsman? What, your boys who like do your makeup for you and shit? No, it's just your homie. That's what it is now. We're talking about the beginning of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was something romantic about it. I thought it was pretty cool that you pick your boy who could like fight to the death.


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[Assistant] And then just show up swollen face and sun burnt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, if you don't lose some teeth during your bachelor party did you even do it? Did you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just do the, what was that shit? The anarchist cookbook or whatever? We just download that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty sure you could look it up immediately. It's weird that the web became the dark web. There's no control.


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[Assistant] That's like those times in the movies where the dude's got the gun to the guy's head and the guy just goes like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, you know, it was, it is tough for me and I am... What do you think it is? Let's should go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I would, I will say that I have grown to really enjoy podcasts. Not only ours, but you know, there's a few that I check out and, uh, yeah, I'm into them. Did you say I will say? I will say. That's also funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say. Yeah, for always, every day. I will say. Adam's scared of him, dude. Do not get him started. I did wear a bird shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I like to listen to the podcast POOG. It has, it's with Kate Berlant. It's just these two girls like talking about just the exact opposite of shit we talk about. So that's kind of refreshing. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so good. It's my favorite thing in the world. It's excellent. Uhm, I used to listen to that like QAnon anonymous one just cause it was. Oh, I just, uh, I just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. That was like, when he was still kinda young, I feel like those were the, the pizza gate years. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, you know, I wasn't too bum- I, I saw it happen in live and I was like, whatever, like if it is the case, like, it's all good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a CSI or like, uhm, Law and Order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, those are the hardest roles, right? Where you just have to, you have to memorize so much jargon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God. She fell, she fell in love with Mike McCoy.


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[Assistant] I'm trying, I gotta get into it, like, what, it's like, I gotta, I gotta get into it, like, a little bit, like, you know, we go over there, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not bad. That's not bad if I'm talking.


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[Assistant] Worse than, worse than anyone knows why his religious family fears his, he's possessed by the devil.


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[Assistant] Listen, if you want the honest thing about Us Weekly, I don't look at any of it except the back page. I really love the 20 things you don't know about me. They do a different person every time. That's right. It's 25 little facts. That's horrible. That you never knew. Yeah, 25.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if this was kind of like a, you know, like the voice or whatever? What's the one where you turn around to see who the person is? The voice. Yeaah. What if they did it with like an accent competition? That'd be kind of cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I wish people could have saw how you- Dude, that was good. Did you see how when Adam dropped out of character, it like left his body a little?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Was it something for children that you were reading?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't say it. I think they don't, I don't think they say it. Corn. Yea, I don't think they use it in any of their traditional dishes. I don't think corn is available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, you gotta do it. Let's hear your break us off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, true. I wish I had this specific link but there's this dope ass YouTube video of this guy who's like a pro accent dude and he just kinda like walks along the map of England with like his finger and switches up like his inflection and everything. It's like crazy and you hear what all- That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's, uhm, it's pretty discouraging when you see how good some actors are. It really makes me feel pretty worthless, uhm, and just being on this pod with Kyle, yeaah, it's, it's tough.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I think his dad was Irish or something. Am I tripping on that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. Cause that's the commonwealth, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what's the deal? I thought the whole thing with the Super Bowl this year is like, no commercials or some shit. Like, didn't Budweiser pull out?


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[Assistant] You know, I wanna apologize to the listening audience for my, uh, British accent. If you guys can just give- I'm gonna take a week and I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna blow your frickin' minds, guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the Grammys never aired, they got delayed. Oh, it never happened? No, they got pushed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, to my knowledge, I think they were pushed, like COVID pushed, like they haven't announced anything yet.


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[Assistant] I don't, I, I don't know. I don't know. As, as an audience member of yours, I don't know. That's why I like you. Well, that's why I like acting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seems like a decent, uh, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dyrs's knowledge of, Dyrs's knowledge of like MTV VJs is remarkable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, feels like ten, feels like a decade younger, but we, uh, a few years younger. And you also had older brothers, so I feel like you, your knowledge of things that are older than us is, is way beyond us, cause sometimes you'll drop a name, much like Caduce, I have no fucking idea who that is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. If I had to guess who Caduceus is, it's Q-U-D-D-U-S, and if that's just my guess?


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[Assistant] Oh, I saw him at an audition for like a, like a Pepsi commercial, like way back in the day, like 0405. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. And I was starstruck. I was like, look at this skinny motherfucker. He's getting it. Pepsi wants him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, encyclopedia knowledge of...


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[Assistant] Well, I'm at my parents house. I'm in Lake of the Ozarks right now. You could tell by the fun, uh, my mom has so many signs talking about wine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like every inch of her home is mentioning wine or how there's love in this house or something. Snapchat memory.


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[Assistant] No, my mom did go through like a real Bible verse phase that lasted like three years when she was like going to like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bible like, like she'd go on Wednesdays and they'd talk about Bibles and shit, but really it was like a way for her to like make new friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was mostly like just a way for her to buy new merch. So every week she'd come home with like a little new like angel figurine or like a thing that to hang on the wall. God merch. Merch. Dude, the God merch game is, the Jesus merch game is out of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was all the souls. It was every type of soul that they could. They spun them. The Jesus merch game is unbeatable. I don't care. All other merch game looks to the Jesus merch game and like, how do we get this? They say Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Christians buy merch. They have t-shirts, they have shit on their walls. My mom for a while had a whole room dedicated, the guest bedroom of her house, it was like all over the house, and then she got a little less.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and there's just Jesus shit all over. It's a tiny, it was my sister's like bedroom growing up. It was the size of like a large closet. It was like fucking small. It barely fit a twin bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, that's the only way I could do it. I could, I could do it now is I have to have, uhm, those, those, those Jesus paintings that for sure the eyes following you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or they're just up in their merch game, they're just like, how do we spin this off as many times as possible?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was a mastermind, right? And he was like, he was like, I'm gonna take my Christianity and make that scratch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, where they're like, uh, they think like God wants them to be super rich. So any way that they can spin off ways to make money off of Christianity, it's good for God because God wants them to be rich. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What other Christian bands were there, there was like Jars of Clay, who had like one, yeaah, that had like one banger, that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, his uncle might've like, like, might've played on their softball team or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, dude, uh, MTV, man. Well, Adam's from the Midwest. Adam's from the Midwest, you can tell by the signage. That's gonna leak, and I'm from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm in the Ozarks right now, dude, and it is, uh, absolutely insane how much country is on the radio. There's like two other channels that aren't country and then like 25 channels that are just country music. And I'm like, how are they not getting enough of it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You know what I mean? Like, I'm squinting my eyes, I'm licking my lips, they wear like cool expensive hats. They look like, we wouldn't know them, they would go to like a cool nightclub, they'd go to like Delilah's in Hollywood. You know what I mean? They're like, hits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you so country, Blake? When did you get- How did you get so country?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, uh, there's no rock music anymore. There's not like a real- Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now country is essentially like, there are some songs that I'm like, that doesn't sound that country to me. That sounds like a rock song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That hits that note. It makes white people feel good. It really really does.


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[Assistant] It feels, it feels to me just like, uh. It feels like chicken noodle soup washing over me. It's feel good music, where just like, you just kinda feel good about shit, and it's, you're not thinking about anything, and you're just like, yeah, I'm just gonna drink a beer and sit on the dock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, that is a fucking timeless banger. Well that's when I thought music was gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Guess what? Every rapper from the South is going to pair up with a country star and that's going to be music for the next 10 years. That's going to be it. Like every rapper is just going to pair up with a doofy white guy in a big cowboy hat that can sing great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, are you also just because she's like super hot? Does that also do something for you? She is kind of a babe, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, look at you. She looks like something that every male would like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea dude. Too many times. Too many times. And then I'd roll it right into Creed and we'd have just an afternoon in our fields. You know what we were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, and that's one of the things I'm, I'm talking about doing while down here at the Lake of the Ozarks. There it is, right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. I don't know, you can't play him, but you can accept him in your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get, there was like a biker rally or some shit? Like, there's a strip here that has all the bars. It's called the Bagnol Dam strip. And it has all the bars and restaurants. Sorry, one more time? The what? Bagnol Dam strip. So it's like a dam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was like an active shooter, like someone just came to shoot it up, but I think, I think it ended up being a biker fight. Yeah. Wow. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to have your level of bachelor party. I want someone to get arrested. I want, uh, I want there to be like an almost fight situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people going missing. I want to, I want to pick someone up from the, uh, the drunk tank. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I'm sitting at my parents kitchen table right now. We, this is a great place we could set up all of our microphones. We can do a communal podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoever wants to tell a dumb story about me from back in the day can come and get on the mic and tell a quick dumb story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might get real out of hand and I might have to like censor some of these dumb stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on. It came out hot and heavy. That, that stream was like. Yeah, that's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude. Yeah, they're not, they're just the regular bars and I'm like, the more insane the name is, I think the more successful it is here. So I wanna, I wanna start like a restaurant just called like Cum Buckets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet someone, I bet someone somewhere has done that throughout all of time because people are so fucking gross and so weird when it comes to sex stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is all comedians? Yeaah. No, it's the guy, there's always that one friend. It's Caduceus. It's Caduceus. That one friend in the group that like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it's just like, uh, da- Oh you guys got him. Is it new fam? It's fairly new, this kid is filming this dude and he's like, you're not that guy kid, you're not that guy. Yeaah. And uh, and he goes, so wait, you're that guy? And he goes, he's like, you bet your ass I am. Oh yeaah, he's like, yeaah, I am. What's the context?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck, I saw that, I'm like damn. I never use Twitter unless it's just to shit on, uh, companies that have wronged me. Um, and I love it. Oh, wronged you. Yeah, I burn Twitter to the ground, I fucking hate the thing, but, uh, so I only use it to shit on companies. And for that, it's pretty great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, dude, I've been traveling all day. I had to get up at like five o'clock in the morning East coast time to go to work. Worked all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it gets to Kansas City at 11pm. We've, uh, we've called, asked if the rental car, I was like, I'm afraid it's gonna get closed down in Kansas City. It's not like that huge of an airport. Right. I'm like, gotta make sure that this rental car is there. And then we're like, yes, we make sure that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one's there. And I can't get the rental car. And I'm like, well how do I? And so I'm just like, well I guess I'm gonna rent another car and I go to every other rental car place. I go to Budget, I go to Avis, I go to National, I go to Enterprise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and there's lines and I stand in every line and I get to the front and I'm like, I need to rent a car and they're like, we're all sold out, so sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, but they're like, you should have made a reservation. I'm like, I did with Hertz. They should have been there. And so then you can have a gold membership for Hertz, right? And with that, you could just get in a car and drive away and they just charge you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I go, well okay, maybe that's what I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you steal a car? Yeah, kids are like, so dude, I tried. I got in a Jeep Grand Cherokee and just took off and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And get to the gate and this guy's like, can I see your information? And I gave it to him and he's like, you can't take this. And I'm like, but I'm, I'm going to, because I paid for a rental car and they're, they're just not here. So charge me, charge me for, but I'm going to take this car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I ended up getting, I'm walking out and there's like one rental car place that I didn't go to that doesn't even look like it's open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, I'm like, do you have any cars? She's like, only Chevy Equinoxes. I'm like, sure, whatever you have. I'm like, why are you shitting on Chevy Equinox?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was saying I'm going to visit my father and the fact that I can't go see him is on you. You lied to me and said that you were going to be there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say that. And it worked. I got, I got, uh, they paid for my car, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, no, somebody would have to, like, be in true trouble. Like, if, like, his girlfriend calls him up and she's like, I'm currently getting roofied and you have to save my life. Uh, then, yeah, okay, then go save her life. That's very detailed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's known for sending out nasty tweets and we can't have that as a company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, and I went over to the guys at budget and they, they like, they knew me and they were like, shit dude, so sorry, we can't, all the, they're all reserved, we can't give you, and I totally understand that, I'm like, yea, don't give me someone else's car, but if there is a car there that you're just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, I did, but I was like, I don't want to, it's like a windy road. I'm like, I don't want to be in the back. You have to wear, Uber is still like, you have to wear masks in the car. I'm like, I don't have to wear a mask in the fucking car this whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I'm like, if you choose not to get the vaccine, that's on you, dawg. You deserve to die! No, you don't deserve to die, but like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like for sure, get the best care that you can, but if you choose not to get the vaccine,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very possible that you could get sick and you would have to go to the hospital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like 96% or something that you can't get sick, right? Isn't that like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was so hard having to drive to a place twice. That was honestly the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was someone's story that they posted some article that I didn't do any cross-reference, no, none of my own, uh, research. No, I saw someone's story and was like, and that's a fact and I'm talking about it on the pod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, so polychar. But you know what we do? Uh, we're obviously very polychar, but you know what we should also do? Polychar. Throw in some Jesus stuff, so this merch can really sell. Yeaah, Jesus and polychar. I'm polycharred for Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a ride? They took us on a ride. They took us on a ride. Where they're like, hey, we're gonna give you a free bike, come on this, wear jeans, come on this long bike ride, and uh, hey, get the second vaccine shot, make sure to wear jeans, come on this long bike ride, we're gonna give you a bike, and then they don't... No sir, I don't like it. ...give you a bike. They fucking punked your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a helmet and some gear. They didn't wrong you in the way... You guys weren't... Well, you were a little inconvenienced. You know what? Fuck them. Let's take them to task. Hurts, don't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pinpointed some shit. Just really dug deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I learned a lot this, this podcast. I did not know munging and I feel like the mung club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See? See? And if that gets confused, guess what that is? Pretty polycharged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and also, I would like, uh, to start off, take backs and apologies. Let's go. Uhm, a few, a few episodes ago. I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to say, hey, honestly, they, they, they paid for the, the, uh, rental car that it did end up getting, which by the way, this rental car from, they didn't check, you know, normally they walk around and look at it to see if there's any dings and dents. She didn't do that. There's so many dings and dents on this fucking Chevy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm like, I didn't do it. I haven't even driven it. I only drove it here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, by the way, I wasn't done yet. You just took- I was still on- I was still-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pug was something else. Yea, evidently. So it was a cat collar and men in black were like, he was wearing like a little amulet or something around his neck and the whole universe is in his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's just off enough that they were able to do it I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right. We're definitely going to it. That's right on the strip that there was an active shooter last night, so. Oh, awesome. Gotta go there? Yeah, we have to check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's my text chain, right? It's my bachelor party. You notice I'm not really jumping in that often either, just cause it's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's great about this is like, that's for sure like a, that's for sure like a thing that a 40 year old man would do after had been in the business world or whatever for a long time and you're just like, hey, I'm already


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does change when you wash it, but not ours. I guarantee it. Are you wearing a medium or a large?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am a man. Yes you are. Thank you. Alright, alright buddy. Thank you. Yeah, you are. Hey, I am!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's thisisimportant.merchcentral.com Playboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you think a fedora is a dad hat and a dad hat is not a dad hat. A dad hat is just cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yes, that's right. That's right. That makes sense to me. Generationally. That totally makes sense. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my grandpa wore dad hats more when I was growing up because my dad was like wearing trucker hats. So it's a grandpa hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like that's what our dads wore, trucker hats. So why do they call these fucking dad hats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tweed. Yeaah. Tweed. Ohhh. Thicc. Harris Tweed. Tweed. I'm thinking Tweed. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Which one of those movies has the, like, the third act, like, fucking sad moment where the dude slits his wrist with records? That's that. That's Swing Kids. That's Swing Kids. Swing Kids was heavy. That's Swing Kids, right? Yeah, that shit was too much for me. Too much. Oh my god. Well, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a little bit before. They still had them, but they were a luxury. I have like a 1935 jukebox out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think they were like new tech at that point. I think they were new tech. Hot new tech. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The old is new. Yeaah. So what I did, Ders, you know what I did with this fucking jukebox? I, uh. What, Kyle? I changed all the lights so the lights are on. And then I hooked up my Sonos. So now I can control the jukebox with the actual speaker from my iPhone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it comes out of that. But so, but the music is coming from the Wurlitzer. The music is coming through the Wurlitzer speaker from my Sonos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I'm using like the amp and the tubes of 1935 to play my Spotify.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeah, it's definitely not great. It's got like this like cool warmth to it. Just, just to be like, ooh, we're old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I really dig like mixing techs like that. I think that's fucking cool. Like a good tech mix. And is it the old little records? The, it actually, it plays 70, 78s and they're like these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plastic ones that are like, they're very hard. They're not even vinyl because it was pre-vinyl. Which is kind of dope. But I haven't got the mechanics to work. I've only got the, uh, the new tech to bridge with the old tech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the Drake commandeering of the jukebox, but I do not remember the Six Flags meetup. Not a bad commandeering. No, it was sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it only in Coov or is it also in Toronto and Montreal? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It had more of a bar set up and more of a club vibe, right? Didn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he did it three times and I love Chipotle. He's drunk on his power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I mean dude, your intake was at all time, I mean I don't know, but it was very high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take some like throwaway moments and flicks and then start that. Start your movie on the throwaway moments. Classic throwaway moments. That'd be amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit is so weird. Also it's very weird that like, that was normalized enough for Kimmy Schmidt to have that as like, the premise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, what the fuck? I never quite got that. Like, what the hell? Like, it's feels like something horrific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care if you were locked in a cage. It just never registered with me. I just never, I like it to be like grounded. I don't care about you being locked in a cage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, where's the gigs? Carl, what is that? You got one of my little, uh, what is that? What? What I'm drinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing. I smoke religiously every day for like, did I throw you off the wagon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, thank you very much for the cans. I didn't get back to you. I've been meaning to, but cause it kind of made me think like, what are, why, why am I stopping marijuana? Like what's up? You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I took a break in June and I took a break for, I'm at like seven months now with no marijuana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I've had them before, I have not had it yet. I'm actually having fun experimenting with this shit called dad grass. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just like pure CBD because before when I was smoking the CBD absolutely did nothing for me. Like nothing. I would not even fucking waste my time smoking CBD. Now I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm clean and so I'm like, well, let me rip it up a little bit. What does the CBD high feel like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. So now I'm onto the CBD dad grass and I'm like, this is actually kind of tight. And what is the CBD?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how I was too, I felt the same way, and now I- I- What does it do? What does it do for you? Well, I did it for the first time today, and it felt just like not very head high, just a little bit body, but it wasn't much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is cool, because I do have a two year old to take care of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was legit smoking so much weed when I was taking care of my kid, you know? I was like fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect. This is the way. I go outside and puff it. You just, you put it between his little toes. Perfect. Yeah, like it was, it was a lot. So I, I really, that's kind of why I peeled it back because I was like, ah, this is, what am I doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, I waited for it. Dude, when we went, I remember when we went to New Orleans, that was the first time I fucked around with edibles, like, in a major way because I had just quit drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, so I needed something to do because I was so fucking fidgety in New Orleans and I had these 200 milligram bars, like these little tiny doggies that I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two hundred milligrams? Yeah, they were called like Chiba chews. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like they were early chibachus and that was still when, before microdosing was the game. It was like how much can you fit into a small amount? And so they had put like 150 or 200 milligrams into this little tiny tootsie roll sized chibachu. And I fucking took the thing to the dome and watched, uh, the secret life of Walter Mitty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the whole time I'm like, why couldn't they get Adam Scott's fucking beard right? Like everything else is gorgeous, but Adam Scott's beard looks like dog shit. It looks like a ground wing. That was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, whoa. I was so scared though. So then the movie- Whoa, this got dumb. That's Penman show. Then the movie ended and I was like fucking- Crying? Thought I had to call an ambulance because I was so stoned. I was looking at my fucking eyes and it was like- You didn't run it back? Just run it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, it was scary. 200, that was a lot of fucking MGs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? I wonder if like the, I do feel like the 3MG cans hit me harder than like the 5MG gummies. You know, so I wonder if there's something that is different about the digestion of that. Liquid to solid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see, when I drank the cans, I didn't mix shit. I just was like, going for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to mix it with some Pixie Dust and Alize. I was gonna do a commercial for Cannes at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude I was, I sat down with those guys, they're cool guys, I was gonna do a commercial and the whole thing was going to be a placebo test, alcohol versus can. And like, and like, have people come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was gonna be like the effects of alcohol versus the effects of liquid marijuana and what that did to the same people in the same circumstance and how they acted. Like we walked fully down this science experiment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do have to have that as well. Yes. The control or whatever? You have to have the control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was gonna be a real thing, it was gonna be short, it was a big production for a very small commercial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was for comedy, but we were going to approach it very real. Those guys were like, we should do this scientifically, like you're saying, because we want this information as well. Like we do want this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was just gonna say that it was gonna limit the belligerence, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it ended up like the other pitch that I had for them was just everybody waking up like, like doing, like going running and shit like that and having like, it be like, uh, you know, like a medicine commercial where you're selling this thing and that makes you feel great and having those types of images over it. Very simple, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what Ders is asking is, is what about those morning? Cause some of the funniest fucking, some of the funniest mornings I've ever had is fighting through a hangover with my buds. It is laughing and fucking the bond of the hangover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm thinking about this because we all like camped in our fucking cars. We all like- Is that a lance in your pants? We stole a hammer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like fucking got wasted, found where they had the taps and got smashed, and it's just like, that's the funnest in the morning. The Rippin' and the Terran.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's all good, bro. I'm seven years, I'm seven years out the game. It's all good. Oh, yeah, that's a t-shirt


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, did you have any friends that did this at all? Like the emotional drunks? You didn't have a crying friend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we would inhale the fumes. Yeah, that's like re-resin hits. Like resin hits. Did you guys ever, um, uh, rob anyone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, down there in Costa Mesa, down there in Costa Mesa, that's when I got busted for fucking having, uh, buying alcohol with somebody else's ID that I had found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was doing that for like a year. And then they found me and the cops fucking- What do you mean they found you? Well they caught me doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what I used to do? There was one liquor store on Harbor Boulevard that I could walk into after my job at Vanshoes and I could walk in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what I would do is like, as soon as I walked in the door, just spark up a conversation, real simple, like very casual and keep that conversation going until I was out the fucking door with the booze in my hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was like the cap or to say I'm an old dude. Give me my bruise and my smokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow, you had the, you had the backup ID too? Right. So you'd be like, oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was for buying without an ID because I did not have it with me. And I remember being like, oh, I fucking lucked out, dude, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I didn't actually use the other guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh yeaah. That's our- no, that's our marriage shot, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was on the other side of the lens. That's where my career started. It was like, I'm going, I would be with the guys who took the headshots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never paid for headshots, so if I got them, they were my brother who was taking the headshots or-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll take that and compliment you for investing in a great product. Like, to me, I love canned. I think it's a fantastic thing. I might not smoke weed as much as I used to, or ingest as much weed as I used to, but I still got great respect for it. Still love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's only a matter of time. It's a slippery slope with me. Yeah. Welcome back, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, I think that dream still lives with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a little space station maybe that you can go, like walk around, get a burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't care about space? Uh, we haven't even been to the bottom of the ocean. Hello? Thank you. I was gonna say it next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that won't even get you to Space Mountain. If we're just going-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm definitely not talking to the three dudes who would be on the mission to Mars where you never do come back to Earth because it takes you X amount of years and by the time you come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. That is a hit. Twilight was a banger. But if the space station has a killer burger, that's getting 5 star reviews.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in bro, if there's a foam party, if I get a live muse show, a killer burger, all inclusive $100,000. 100 grand. Your boy is there as long as I'm with a couple of my homies. I'm not going solo. This isn't a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, I'm kinda- I pride myself as kind of a chevron man. I don't know if that alignment is good. I haven't looked into the politics of it, but- Right, right. Okay, alignment. Okay, card reference. Hey, hopefully this rocket ship runs off of a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fu- you're- well you're in a- that's like old people shit. That's not even-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had little faces on them? Worse way, we switched gears here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda fucked with those, but you have to let them sit in the milk for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can't have them soak too much to where the frosting melts off, cause then you're just eating whatever the fuck-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cinnamon Toast Crunch is such a titan of the game. It's delicious in milk. It's equally delicious out of milk. You could just- Ice creams. Fist it. Right. Yeah, you could put it on ice cream. It's, it's, it's delicious. But, I kinda have a little sleeper that I've always-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you say Captain Crunch, dude, if you even say Captain Crunch, dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breakfast cereal poster child, no rules, mama got me what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know about O's? It's a yellow box. It was these...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a one of a kind flavor. It's almost kinda like a Captain Crunch, like honey vibe, but it had like granola in the middle. It was so fucking good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apple cinnamon Cheerios are delicious. Apple Jacks are delicious. Smacks are delicious. Lucky Charms are delicious. O's is a sleeper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're on O's. You guys will see, you guys will see, like, the streets will acknowledge that I am correct. I can't wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no. You guys are crazy. You guys are crazy. Team Cheerios was real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was later, that was a pivot. It was Team Cheerios, I think it came out during the Olympics possibly, and it was a co- Yeah, that seems, that seems real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Kyle, it was fire. It was good. I don't think it's as good as apple cinnamon Cheerios though, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's a, that's a weird thing where you think it tastes and smells like a corpse, but we can...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lemme, lemme, lemme give you the real competitor. Do you go Cocoa Krispies or do you go Cocoa Pebbles, my-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am too. It could be bigger than Trolls World Tour. I feel it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'ma be honest, when it came out, I didn't really give a fuck about it. Upon rewatching, that movie is really cool. Every, almost every single thing is practical. The sets, the costumes, the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like Goonies, I... What about it is the problem? Thought Sloth was cool, but other than that I took nothing away from it. The Truffle Shuffler, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I, maybe I was half washing it, maybe I was playing with Legos while it was on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we're watching Temple of Doom, which is not that great. No, that movie's fire. He pulls a heart out of a dude's chest. I'm down for that. Yeah, it's not a- Goonies, I remember watching it and it was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck are you talking about? When did Goonies come out? 86? Like 85? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I know what's up. I think I know what's up. I think I watched a copy that someone recorded off a television onto a VHS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I'll maybe re-watch it. I didn't like it. And I liked a lot of very imaginative shit. I'm down with the Henson Gang. I'm down for Labyrinth. I'm down for Dark Crystal. I'm down for Star Wars. I'm down for all these adventures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one right there, Rookie of the Year, baby. Great movie, I was in it, not a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe you had some kind of a duck tail haircut going on. A little long in the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Danny Glover, Christopher Lloyd. And that's when the angels uniforms were sick. They were like the California angels, hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my only experience with a movie set ever was that when I was on the tram tour at Universal Studios, they were filming Jingle All the Way and I was hyped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like. Bro, that's so tight. Everything was dressed like it was Christmas. I saw, what was his name, like Power Man or whatever. Power Man? Wow. That, like the whole thing about the movie is they're trying to get this, this toy. Like Power Man or Turbo Man or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know if it was Arnold, because at the finish of the film, at the finale, he dresses up as the character, and he's in the parade, and that's the shit I saw filming, so maybe I saw Arnold, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but like stage crew, let's be honest, stage crew cats in high school was a weird little bunch, man. They were already like, being like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, well, and you know, you know that sometimes you're in a scene where it's a love scene or whatever. You know, you're dipping into that. Oooooh. Wait, were you ever in a love scene in high school? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So what are you talking about? Wait, so what is a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we won the Diablo Valley Improv League Championship that year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, he would make me come out of my shell, so I did musicals, and I always told him like, I don't wanna do musicals, I fucking think they're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love to watch a great musical. I don't want to ever be in a musical. Like I told him that and he's like, you got to dude. You just got to. Music's in your bones kid. Let it rip. Yeah. He's just like fucking shut up and do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like your whole brand or I don't know whatever it's like what you are but like yeaah I'm really glad I did it because now I know I fucking don't like doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uh, just kinda go on the swing, just kinda be swinging around, looking cute as fuck, or whatever you gotta do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to apologize to the movie Goonies, you know, evidently I have a weird memory of it, maybe I saw it on a dirty ass VHS re-recording, but I will revisit it and sorry for all the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if I go back and watch it now, not even liking it as a kid, I'm gonna say it sucks ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, this is the flavor, this is the flavor right here, ginger peach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had that too. Everybody has a different one. Ginger peach is my new favorite for days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, hey, hey for, uh, 12 more free issues, uh, I'll tell you where Adam's getting married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We caught you in the act. What does that even mean? What is tying one on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a trickster. I'm a prankster. What is it, a merry prankster? You're Iago. Yes. What's that board game where you have to make up all the, uh, the fucking- The definitions? Yeah, the de- Is it boulder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was actually thinking, do you think we could pull all of our, uhm, books we've read together? Like how many books do you think we've collectively read as a group? Collectively?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this was the thing, didn't you say that like, you were definitely the type of kid who, cause in school you have to do a book report, you're supposed to read the fucking book and do a book report. I'm the type of guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what about good, uh, porno dudes? Well they fuck. 10,000 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to talk about Goosebumps. What was your favorite Goosebumps?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do actually remember the cover of the camp when it was like a camp counselor with a whistle and he's like got a weird smile on his face. The covers were off the chain. That's all I did. I looked at the covers. I didn't read the fucking book. Yeah, the covers were dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember book fairs, like the school would like shut down the multi-use room and then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Calvin Hobbs do America or something? That was Beavis and Butthead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like let Jamie- Kevin and Hobbs. Let Jamie Foxx be Hobbs and let, uh, Channing Tatum be Calvin and let's have a funny ass fucking romp, dude. I'm excited for that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like that scene from uh, is it the chase? When like Charlie Sheen, his car goes up into the sky and they're like fucking each other. It's like what is this movie? I love-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna rewatch that series so bad, like what the fuck was that show even about? It was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I love Cliffhanger. I only know one movie he's in. I think I know the worst one. What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I heard, I have heard. It was a joke. The rumor mill is, is that there is a Shrek cut of Chris Farley as Shrek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen Pitch Perfect, I don't recall, uh, Lith Galvin in that. Nor do I. No, he's not, he's not in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the- no, the community has spoken and they agree that movie holds the fuck up. I don't think- I- I- I'm gonna disagree with the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nooo. No, not emo. Well, like, no doubt skewed ska and blink 182 skewed pop punk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They are gonna, they're gonna perform- Skunk. Skunk. As you know, skunk music. They're gonna perform at the same, uh, festival.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, no, it was all Warp Tour. I said off the wall tour. It's all Warp Tour music. It's all Vans Warp Tour music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I looked at his IMDB and it said he was in Pet Sematary, but is that true? He's in the new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fight is brought to you by McDonald's. I'm also on his IMDB. Okay. He has 128 credits. I can't believe you guys even need to go on IMDB. It says he was in This Is 40. It says he was in TREASURE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's an old man, Google. That's like you writing what movies was John Lithgowen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so it might be great. That I can't say I've ever seen. Alright, I'm going to IMDB now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's no way Simon Rex is going away. He was a VJ. He was kinda in like porno to first start off, right? That was like his jump off in the beginning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, if we could shout out Yea But Still Podcast again, they have a really great interview with Simon Rex. He's obsessed. Hey, well, they're nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know what J-O is? Well, we're not being brash anymore. We're not being brash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you wanna know the real world explanation of it, it was, it, it is something that came from the MeToo movement because women were like, dude, they're making me do shit like sex scenes that I'm not cool with and I'm feeling very pressured into stuff, so now they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, here, here's what I, cause I had my first intimacy coordinator on Woke, and I was- And say that again? Intimacy coordinator on Woke, and I was coming from our world of Game Over Man and Workaholics where like, yeah, we're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'm not. Like, they were freaking me out. I'm like, I was pretty sure everything was gonna be shot above the waist. I'm like, am I gonna show my dick? They started making me think I was gonna do way more than I was required to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're here, kill your family. Oh, that's right. You always wear sweatpants now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not quite like that, you know, and, and, and I'm sure we're going to hear, uh, and see some things, you know, as the week progresses, um, you know, but definitely it was a massive blowout. I don't want to know. I don't want to speculate what caused it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, for sure, and watch, watch, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After this, see the tire just going back and forth, back and forth. That's how, when I saw that, that's how I knew it was a shock. Like it confirmed. Right. It confirmed like, yep, it, it's blown. And so, um, it can, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Danny, it could, it could be a, it could be a multitude of things. It could be something in the shaft. Like how do you know the shaft didn't break? You know, like anything is possible, you know, as it was something with the shock body, did something, you know, was there a loose part on there by accident?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nevertheless, like anything in SX, it happens at the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Worst time. Why most of the time? Because stuff goes wrong and stuff fails when it's under maximum load. That's what I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's, he's going to get some evaluations today. It's Monday morning. I'm sure that, uh, I'm, I'm hoping that is when he gets it further evaluated that everything is okay. Dude, you, you did your knees. I mean, that was a brutal impact that he took.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you watch it and when he just jars his knee, it's going to be right. Watch that left knee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we're going to do some, we're doing some investigating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On, on some stuff. So we'll, uh, we'll figure, we'll figure it out. Maybe get you some more info on exactly what happened. And also, you know, like out of respect to the shock or, um, suspension companies, you know, they probably don't want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone knowing exactly what happened, which I can respect that and things fail. I had a, uh, I had, I have had, uh, that happen before, not quite to that magnitude, but I've had it blow out. I've had a spring break like you did. Sadly, mine did it in the race at St. Louis in 2006.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, not, not to that magnitude like we've already talked about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's never gonna happen, but it happens in those tough G-outs. Uhm, you know, hey, we could also speculate and say, was, was part of this because the, the ground was so hard, you know, and, and it has less give. Maybe that's, maybe that's part of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you know, I mean, we can sit here and guess all we wanted to, but we ain't about guessing over here. We're about facts. We hope the best for Kenny. Again, it's Monday morning. Uh, I'm sure he'll be getting an MRI as soon as possible. Kenny, Kenny explains it on his Instagram.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talks a little bit more in depth of what happened to the shock, but Kenny, we hope that the results are fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] RV, I don't, if it's something bad, I don't know that, uhm, if the MRI has the result that we're hoping it doesn't say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I don't think that he'll let us know immediately. If he says something immediately, then that's good news. If he goes quiet for a couple of days, then uhm, that's probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's just, you know. It's a bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important, you know


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the perfect excuse- I can't, it's already in the system. Oh, cause the quota- As soon as you hear like the system, you're like, oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I only, I've only gotten pulled over like twice for not coming to a complete stop on a right turn at a stop sign. You know what I mean? How you kinda like creep and then you just go twice. That's my luck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strong. Hollywood's dead. Kill him. Oh yeaah, he's been wanting to, go ahead, go ahead, you've been wanting to talk about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I think that's the play on words that they're all having fun out there with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're driving into in and out burgers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quick question boys, quick question. What did we call the male Karen? Did we call it a Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause guess what happened to me two days ago? You got kiled? At the fucking park, I got kiled. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this Kyle, so this Kyle role, let me just tell you my Kyle story. So, I'm at the park


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Charles. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Okay. Uh, check to you bitch. I'm at the park here in Los Angeles and I'm with, uh, my kids were with another two families in our pod and their kids. Dang, rub it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like our bubble, right? Mom's always checking where you've been, who you've been with, where you've been traveling, yada yada yada. We're locked in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they find a pile of dirt, and the kids are all playing on it, so whatever. And then, dirt piles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This little dude, little guy, you know, like maybe two or three comes over, and by the way, we're all masked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and then dad rolls up. Oh damn. And he's jacked. He's 6'5 with like some Brokelys on, like gas station Oakley style, uh, and just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're awesome. Uhm, and he's just surveying the situation. And then the little man, you know, he doesn't know, but he comes over and starts like really getting in the grill of all the kids, and look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tiny kid? The little dude, the little kid. The little, little two year old, little two year old, no mask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could we get some space? So I go to the grandma and I'm like, Hey, does he have a mask? And she was like, Oh, we left it in the car. I'm like, would you mind like either having him play on the other side of the dirt hill or like going to get the mask? Like no big deal. What'd you say, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the problem? And I'm like, and then he deliberately rolls up on me like hella close. He's 6'5", he's gotta be 2'60", and he's jacked. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, okay, look, we're, we're just, and then his mom, grandma is like, no, it's fine. Like we should go. And he's, he's like, no. And he like starts getting heated. And I'm like, am I about to get beat up in front of my kids and my neighbors?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, and I'm like, yo, I don't make the rules, I'm just saying, like, and he goes, and the grandma's like, let's just go, she's pulling him away, and he's just like, he's like, yeah, let's get out of here, it's too fucking liberal here, and I'm like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so cool about it too. I was like, hey, is it, uh, you know, I'm like trying, cause I don't want any fucking beef, right? But if I see this motherfucker, if I see this motherfucker again, he might murder me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know when people give you like a five foot lift or a five finger lift up? If he did that to me as hard as he could and just threw me up, I might not come back down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about? But you fought Kyle. We talked about it on the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just found what the new thing is. It's called Athlean X. Athlean X. It's a Tony Horton looking cat. He's on YouTube and he does wild ass workouts and he just drops them. And, uh, like this video right here, I don't even know what the fuck it is. It's got 7.6.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like a normal dude, and now he's like a fucking centurion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's fine. Did we have canes, uh, Banaru?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They always like to say that. That's what they say about FedEx too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they just have tenders? There's no like, drummies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I told you guys a story. My homie John went to Brown's Chicken, which is a Chicago land restaurant with his homie when they were kids and my buddy John ordered some chicken, stepped aside and his homie goes, uh, can I just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get just the skin? And they were like, absolutely not. You have to order chicken and then you can pull the skin off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How fat was he? I think they were youngsters. They were like 10 at the time. And he was hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe just try the skin. You eat the skin, you can eat the skin off the chicken, huh? I'm not eating the fucking skin, bro. Dude, eat the skin, that's not even the meat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But look, okay, so let's open a- you wanna open a restaurant. It would just be what? Cucumbers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your slogan is, it's Carl Salad Bar. Come for the salad, leave with the canes next door, motherfucker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, you didn't let me get my shit out for that- for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead and list your ingredients again, motherfucker. People have shit to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we're talking about the best of the basics. King's. And whatever's in the receipt, whatever's in their receipt is good. Absolutely not. You're talking about a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a sprite this weekend that jizzed me out. And if you don't know what that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think kids fuck with McDonald's. I think kids think McDonald's is gross and unhealthy and McDonald's needed a shot in the arm with the youngsters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but there's alternatives now. There's better alternatives now. They're marketed better towards kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids back home go to Five Guys, dude. They don't fuck with McDonald's. McDonald's is sorry. That's kinda tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, my parents took my kid when he was two and he still talks about it. And when he drives by it, he's like, that's the McDonald's. I'm like, I know, bitch, you're going to In-N-Out. Damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I did, I was saying this to Blake when we were shark diving, I was saying to Blake that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've cheated death before, so like, you, you, you need to like kiss death. And that's why you fucking jump out of airplanes and go fucking, uh, demolition derby and shark diving and all that shit, cause you've cheated it before, you can cheat it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, what are you at? Movie idea. If you had nine lives, wait, wait, real quick, cause I know we've all had like moments where like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. It feels, when the windows are down, and you're just like, gunning it, and your senses are heightened, it is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they still put the little cookie around the straw? Was that them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that who does that? Or was that in and out? Who puts a little cookie, the little whole cookie, the little little sugar cookie around the straw? I don't know, that sounds amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it like flicks the dressing on you when you try and like take it out of the pile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does anyone have any, uh, take backs, apologies, or compliments from today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I want to compliment Adam on keeping it real AF with a good friend of his. Because, you know, tough love, uhm, is still love. It is love. And I want to apologize to Kyle. If you don't want to call the male Karens Kyle, we don't have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're just gonna be putting a straw in your butt and slurping the potatoes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know exactly. Which I also love. Trueee. Yeah, I happen to dig that. I actually don't know if that was like a universal thing or if that was just like our younger brothers saying that. Trueee. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Ben. Yea, cause it was Ben. It was Ben Bong. Yea, Ben Bong. Let's say trueee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, I'm just pop, just poppin' a little, a little of my pod sauce over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find that it gives you... But that's just me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be you. What was that shit, like that old ass commercial back in the day where it was like, I'm not only a client, I'm the president. Rogaine. Rogaine. Yes it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They for sure still exist. I, I mean, I mean, it was more of a problem with like PCs, right? And then like somehow like Macs kinda took it to the next level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. That wasn't the dude who like ended up like murdering somebody, right? Like his neighbor or something? He killed some dogs? Yeaah. I think there's a Netflix doc that's pretty trill about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've been getting extra, extra sun exposure too, which is just terrible for the skin. I have. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I would also agree. I would count on Adam going out first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said that about Gucci Mane, he was one, he like went to prison and then came out all nice and skinny and they're like, oh, he's a, he's a clone. He does. Good for Gucci! He looks great. If I could have anybody's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was like, his belly was, looked like it was gonna burst. I remember, I saw him like, perform before he went in and, you know, to prison, but I think he was drinking so much lean, that really like, makes your gut just, brrrr.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you like mi-mix it with Fanta. You do it however you want, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess you could do a fego if you were a coding juggalo. Damn. That's a combo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure, I'm sure people are doing it. Fago is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't believe Kyle never became a full-on Juggalo. It is weird. You have all the makings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have to wear face paint, like, you remember, do you remember, there were like two dudes at our high school, Kyle, we went to the same high school in uh- We did? Concord, yes. Allegedly. Clayton Valley, let's go Allegedly. But there were like those two dudes who would always rock like, ICP like hockey jerseys. And I want, I always thought you could make a cool third to their duo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that was the coolest shit about ICP is they did wrestle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even, like I don't even think Ghost Rider has been a female in the comic books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I'm down, I'm- I love it when they flip genders of superheroes. I think it's fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wonder them. That is actually a really great idea. Wonder them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, I mean, they, Thor, I believe, they gave a run with, was she called Thor? I think Thor. I mean, Wolverine had like a daughter, X-23, and she was frickin' sick as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A whole She-Hulk, uh, link that you could, that you could click on. Yeah, I'm sure if you, uh, Google search, uh, She-Hulk nude, you're gonna find some good stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are their names hella dope? Because as soon as you get into those Scandinavian names, they're so rockstar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that due to- TOR'S DAUGHTER. TOR'S DAUGHTER. Due to- due to COVID?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well then I think they gotta try to put him, put him back, cause they get a little, little unruly or something. I don't know, that, that movie was pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was Snyder, I think it was... Yeaah. Well, then who did the Snyder- Oh, that was Batman versus Superman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's really just their abdominals, is that what you're drawn to, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I had to retire my free Carl shirt, but dang, it'd be nice. Do they still sell them on the internet? I bet you could find that shit on Grailed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sentence you to take a beer bomb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Performances like wha-whether it was like Johnny Cash or B.B. King or I'm like, yeah, I remember like hearing Cheech and Chong would do it, but like, it just adds such a cool layer to like a live album where you know that everyone listening and cheering is like, in prison for life. It's so strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's a great question. What were they doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it, I guess it depends. Yeah, I love it. Kyle's like a cool hand looser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a cool who wants to be a millionaire like game show. Who's gonna win my butthole tonight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they are. Can we make a bond together right now that if one of us goes to prison, we all go to the same prison! No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. To visit? To like say hi? Sure, promise. No man, we could be cellmates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, yea, and I believe that the court of law will uphold that. It's like, you get one of us, you get all of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about this? How about this? I'm tuning in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it depends where you're in prison. And I feel if one of us is going to prison, it's probably overseas, off, off of some dumb shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they've- all the prisoners have seen Pitch Perfect. They wanna fuck you, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the most hilarious stuff from all that, that terrible, like, maca- or, uh, Epstein shit is when they're like to his face telling him like his dick looks like a, like a little football or something. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit was hilarious. That's your hot button? That's like the best hidden camera show that you actually know there's a camera there ever. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta roast the dude, fuck him. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta roast him. I think every prisoner or person who's found guilty should have to go through a roasting. I mean, yeah, I think that'd be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If we're going by your terms of what doing well means, yes, I think I would be doing very well in a prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got a high booty. It's high, it's like royal, it's like a royal horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the, he is the VP on the ballot. I think, I think obviously it's gonna be Kendall Jenner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle's butt cheeks and how sore they are from all that hiking. He's a nature boy all of a sudden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how do you, is this a guesstimate or were you tracking your mileage here? How do you know that this is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you didn't answer my question, how long did this suppose it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's unpack this a little bit. Why at the 5 a.m. hour? Just cause it's cooler?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At 5am is a fucking absolutely insane time for someone to, for you to leave your house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's insane. It is. But sure. But for someone to drive over to your house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they don't live that close to you to drive the 30, 40 minutes to get it, that it takes to get out to your house at 4 a.m.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just w- just workin' those- those hammies out. Make sure they're all primed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, hey, really good point. Really good point. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Why the fuck are they, do they claim...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna get close enough to taze it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In all honesty, if it's just you, you don't have a taser, you don't have a knife. Could you fight off a bobcat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bobcat, it's not a, it's not a mountain lion. Mountain lion would fuck you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but, I mean, it's a ca- it'll back away from you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't go backwards in this scenario? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then- And he fingered a bobcat's asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The not the butthole. There's no, I haven't found anything about buttholes. I think that's just you wanna finger animals buttholes. Which one? The butthole or the mouth? The not the butthole. The butthole is weird. That's... There's no, I haven't found anything about buttholes. I think that's just you wanna finger animals buttholes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I would, uh, choke it out, right? Wouldn't you choke it out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why you have to, you have to shit yourself and then quickly discard your pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do dogs love fart so much? Like you fart, a dog will just bury his face into your asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was out on the trail. Uh, no, nothing great happened lately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck yeaah. Yeaah, dude. I'm out there, I put in like 25 miles a day, son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, when I first got the bike, I didn't want to be like all spandex, didn't want to wear, have like dumb sunglasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that whole thing. So I wear bike shorts, but I wear basketball shorts over top of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now I'm like, now I'm jealous of the more professional looking cyclist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That are out there that are just full spandex with the dumb helmets, the really stupid sunglasses. And now I look at them and I'm like, they look like athletes out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm coming around. I want to be, I want to be more like Anders. I'm going to dress like the Proud Boys. Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know anything because I'm new to the game. All I know is Specialized. That's the name of my, uh, that's the brain of my bicycle. I've heard of that. So that's all I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, specialize, hook it up. That's carbon fiber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not a lot of step, not a lot of step run. I remember when I first moved to Hollywood, I, uh, one of the very first celebrities I ever saw was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Jeremy Piven at Runyon Canyon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holding a bicycle over his head. Like pressing a bicycle over his head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if Piven had the glow, although it was like peak entourage time, so definitely it was like everybody was like, oh fuck, there's uh, Ahri Gold from, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I tell you who did have the glow. I saw the driver from blank check at the farmer's market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, God damn, this is, this is a childhood hero right here. He was fucking blinding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, remember when we first, it was like season one of Workaholics and we were writing at Hollywood Production Center, which is just a place that has a bunch of offices that a lot of people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was our Jamie Kennedy experience. It was like Brad Pitt just walked in. Both of us were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Immediately we're quiet, lifting heavier weights than we normally would. You just got on the treadmill and just fucking soared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jamie Kennedy might've, uh, overextended himself a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, wasn't he with Jennifer Love Hewitt? For a while?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone, probably including Jamie Kennedy, will agree that he's not like, he's not a stereotypical super handsome hot guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's funny, that's what that, those are the guys that- Like he, he, he won her over with, with the ha ha, oh god, gave me hope, I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really are. Women rule. The fact that they can look past all of our just gross shit, and if you're...


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[Assistant] Funny or cool or whatever, you can, you can land a babe.


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[Assistant] Kyle's mom fart? Blake knows their farts so well.


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[Assistant] Well, I don't think that's a big, I think that's a big thing in your family. Yeah, I think that's just what


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[Assistant] Whenever I eat m-more poorly, that's when I'm womp womp.


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[Assistant] When I eat chicken breast and broccoli and white rice, I'm not fartin'.


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[Assistant] Are we trying to say that Dennis Devine didn't let it rip? I don't know. I didn't grow up with him. Dennis, Dennis D.


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[Assistant] Let it fly. You know he did. The whole Divines are big, big tutors.


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[Assistant] I'm just saying, me personally, I don't fart all that often. Only when I eat more poorly.


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[Assistant] That would be like if I ate- What makes you fart? Like a ton of pizza. Or like I ate- Dairy.


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[Assistant] So you're like lactose intolerant.


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[Assistant] Probably, uh, or when I, if I eat like, uh, Mexican food and it was like really greasy.


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[Assistant] Well, guys, well, on set, I didn't want to, I'm not admitting that I didn't claim it, because I would claim it, if I ever did, but you're not


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[Assistant] At the Lacoste store. Love Jason Schwartzman, so this really, this is a great one for you.


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh. Well, we gotta find some old, cause everyone is embarrassed by their, like, early twenties, high school, like, fashion sense. Although mine ruled, very baggy pants, corduroys, lots of hemp, gauged earrings.


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[Assistant] You had gauges? They weren't, it was gauged, it wasn't.


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[Assistant] No, it wasn't that. It was just, it was just, yeaah, it was just thicker, a thicker bar than a little stutteroo.


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[Assistant] Uh, derrs will rock the popped collar, which...


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[Assistant] I, I never pulled that look off and never attempted, but.


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[Assistant] I respect Dervs for having multiple Lacoste polos that he would pop. We gotta dig some- Do you have any photos of those? Cause that's-


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, that's dope. I'm into that bro. I'm into that for you.


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[Assistant] What are some of your guys' fashion choices that we have to dig up some photos and post them?


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[Assistant] I was all hemp everything, it was just weird, it was like obviously I just wanted to let people know I smoke weed.


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[Assistant] Uh, I wanted to talk about weed, I wanted...


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[Assistant] You can walk into a store and have people be like, Oh, that guy can fucking hack his sack. What's up with him?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it's a swing. Like, it was more than just, it was more than one necklace. It was multiple necklaces, bracelets, I had a belt that I made out of we, uh, hemp.


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[Assistant] That was the time though, that was the fucking Green Day Blink 182 were my life heroes.


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[Assistant] Well, it's only been in the last, I wanna say...


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[Assistant] Eight years, five to eight years that Blake started to wear pants that fit him.


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[Assistant] Not at the same degree, you used to be full on butthole. Oh. Was out of the pants.


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[Assistant] I feel like all I did in the Midwest was I just dressed as if I was currently a professional, uh, surf, uh, surfer? Or skateboarder? Surfer.


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[Assistant] That was the coolest time for Southern California. Was like the 90s, early 2000s, money.


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[Assistant] When you would wear the bandana and have your little fro popping out the top and then you would, it was, it wasn't affliction.


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[Assistant] But it was close, it was close enough to be, it was like affliction adjacent that you're like. Like Ed Hardy? I know that it wasn't affliction, but you were like, that's, let's take it. I understand that you were, it was more of like a metal thing you were going for.


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[Assistant] I like a good thrift store run. Nothing beats a thrift shop run.


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[Assistant] In California, there's like professional thrift store shoppers. So it's hard to beat them. Like in the Midwest, I used to cop.


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[Assistant] Whatever. I had a shirt, I had a shirt that said Nebraska, big cock country, and then it showed a pheasant.


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[Assistant] You know I rocked that to school every day. I remember the teachers couldn't say shit. They were like, this is inappropriate. I'm like, no it's not.


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[Assistant] A pheasant is a cock. Is a pheasant a cock? Moving out here wouldn't like. Is a pheasant a cock? Is it a cockle?


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[Assistant] This is important podcast at gmail.com.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and let's, let's, let's make sure the, the photos are both similar quality. You don't want someone in the dark, shitty photo.


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[Assistant] Make sure they're both well lit so we can see the picks.


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[Assistant] You had to put your jeans in the freezer.


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[Assistant] That's how you would wash them. They were so stupid. That's like how I used to clean hockey gear.


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[Assistant] He doesn't, yea, Kyle's a filthy man, we've covered this.


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[Assistant] Buy anything that was finished. I was American Eagle, boy. All dungarees. Distress.


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[Assistant] If Durs at some point was like the shirtless guy at the mall, I'd be like that's- That's right, they had a- High school gig for-


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, what's up, bro? The guy was ripped, uh, but he was just a fucking dork, and, and he, he would be at the mall shirtless, and we're all like, look at this fucking dork, what a, he looks like such an idiot, and then immediately...


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[Assistant] And you're like, ugh, that guy. You're like, I've gotta take my pants off and sit outside Hot Topic.


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[Assistant] I dunno, I can't remember, I dunno. I thought- But under 18 you think? That's weird. Maybe it was his senior year and he was 18, I can't remember.


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[Assistant] Did they shut down Abercrombie? Like, people don't fuck with Abercrombie at all anymore.


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[Assistant] It's just like, it's buttoned up.


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[Assistant] Shirts with like extra huge collars.


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[Assistant] Uh, well there was a few, there was a few years there, if you guys remember that I wore a lot of snap buttons.


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[Assistant] Where are you dropping these? As an animal lover, are you afraid you're taking these rabbits away from their, their homes or habitats?


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[Assistant] Because they eat your... Gentles.


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[Assistant] Yeah, how long does a regular rabbit live? Is it like, years?


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[Assistant] So then just, it's fine. Just murder it. Just murder it, put it in a stew. Because... Rabbit pie. It's only, it's probably close to the end of its life anyways.


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[Assistant] Could we imagine if we only lived one to two years?


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[Assistant] It sa- it says, uh, uh, life span, one to two years.


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[Assistant] It says one to two years in the wild. Oh, in the wild. What do you mean? There's no way. What the fuck are you talking? There's a way.


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[Assistant] Well, sure. No, no, no, no, no. This is in the wild. They're getting. Yeah, that's the, that's the caveat.


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[Assistant] How long do rabbits live as pets? Uh, 8 to 12 years. There we go. That's what I thought.


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[Assistant] You stab it in the eyes, shove your fist down his throat and figure it's butthole. That's how you get it off.


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[Assistant] What can I say? Fuck rabbits. And here's why. Because my girlfriend in high school had a rabbit. Meanest motherfucker alive. They never took it out of the cage. It was just gigantic. Cause when they took it out of the cage, it would just bite you. It was pissed. It sucked.


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[Assistant] I was living in a cage, uh. Yea, it's living in a cage. Having a pet rabbit is absolutely stupid.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I fuck with Azuz, so I'll be bummed if they... I like, I like it.


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[Assistant] I always get a weird feeling when I go to the zoo, man.


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[Assistant] Well, Omaha has the second largest zoo in the country, behind San Diego, and, uh, me and Zach, my homie,


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[Assistant] Uh, we used to do mushrooms and, uh, go to the zoo during-


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[Assistant] That was very nice. And I know dad's right there too, I love him.


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[Assistant] We used to and it's nice to tune in and tune out with my three buddies.


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[Assistant] I would like to compliment Ders on- Are you requesting a second compliment?


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[Assistant] Oh, well I guess I complimented all of us. May I have a second compliment? Request granted. Okay, thank you.


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[Assistant] I'd like to, uh, compliment future Durrs on-


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[Assistant] Posting that, a photo with him with two pop collars, cause I would really like to see that, and I think the world would like to, uh, just see that.


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[Assistant] And if I could do- You gotta dig deep because I know it's out there somewhere. I feel like I've seen it before.


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[Assistant] And this is why we do the podcast, guys. This is important. Let's keep track of each other.


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[Assistant] Did you guys ever meet Stone Cold? No. Oh my god, if I met- oh.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. Yeah, his speeches. It works for him. He's so inspiring to me, like, I would vote for that guy. For what? Anything. No, no dude.


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[Assistant] They should make that. I feel like he could probably enact the thing that I want to have where if you catch a parking attendant giving you a ticket if they're in the act of it you should be able to fight them to see if


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[Assistant] I actually went recently on like the- I went on the Yelp reviews for like the Hedonism place and-


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[Assistant] Basically, I just don't think, it probably used to go off pretty hard and pretty cool.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, we're talking about hedonism. It was probably cracking off in the, it might have been 2000. Well, we're talking about hedonism.