[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were wrongfully there, man. This was always old Elnife, like Tamriel, until your gods came and ruined everything along with it. I think it does inform a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're here to get him. To pull some nice, like, uh, basic sort of looks. So there is the, what they call out of Atmora theory, which is kind of the idea that all humans that exist on Tamriel come from Atmora.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then uhm, the other one is that they're indigenous and that they've like kind of always been there in some form. And then there's obviously later migrations of the Nords and stuff. And in some ways it could easily be a co-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A combination of both in the fact that there could be indigenous groups of people, of humans, in Tamriel. Then, later in the Marethic era, there were additional earlier migrations from Atmora, which then intermixed with the Needs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which would have just been blanketed, called needs and then nords come, which come as a much more distinct sort of, um, race later on in the history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I think there's things that, it's like one of the most, like the biggest, like, thing, uhm, in the, uh, video I did recently, like sort of a prehistoric Skyrim looking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, is you have this sort of medallion of Kothringi origin, um, in found in Black Marsh, um, and the Kothringi are the silver skinned races of humans, which are sort of even encapsulated in that sort of Nidic branch. Um, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That dates back to the early Merethic era, which would place them before Elven


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Arrival and additionally there's also a statue of Scythus that looks to appears to have been made by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so that would sort of implies that the Kothringi were there way back when the ancient Argonians were there having their big empire and stuff that was all revolving around Scythus worship and so on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and then they, you know, made that in cultural exchange, but this places the Kothringi like on Tamriel way earlier than the dates you get in the books like Frontier Conquest and so on, which says like a thousand to eight hundred ME, which is like a thousand to eight hundred years before the first era begins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so beyond that, the other thing is also just the chronological, like if you're trying to make sense in a broader, like it, the idea that the knees were indigenous, I think at least makes a far more coherent and cohesive understandable story that it just feels rather strange that, oh, in the, the alyds, um, there was no, uh, there were no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And additionally, additionally, there's also other kinds of like, um, connections, like with things for the, uh, the, the stars, like, so it's a thing across native cultures. There seems to be a reasonable fascination with the stars. You find it in the, in the Celestials and so on, but this is found across quite a few native tribes. And then if you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pursuing those avenues and then that's when they created the ailed wells and the welcome stones and the power of the stars and such. And, and then also if you go look to the, to the Richmond and this is their story. So it's once again, it's mythology, but they believe that they've been there long before Nords or elves or anyone was in the reach and the case stuff. So it's just not a little, and obviously there's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's bits and pieces all over, there's little like relics or bits and pieces all over, um, Tamriel that will just sort of nod to like humans being there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So the idea there is there could be a few things. It could be either that, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have this sort of drug? Cause there's ideas obviously too, which is just as true. Like you have the later seronautics and sero as in like serodilics are a derivative of, of Nidic blood and such. So there's obviously going to be intermixing and breeding and stuff over time, which create new, um, sort of ethnic distinctions and so on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but that's, that sort of could have been like a, a relic of like maybe a grandfather or something that was like a full-blooded need or something and then they married in order and then it went down again and got passed down. The other thing I was sort of getting at is that potentially it could be quite old and then this sky forge here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By other metrics they were considered, uhm, the needs of Skyrim were considered primitive and so on. And there's also the examples of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me just throw out a quick clarification for people too. Most resources in regards to the needs are from uhm, the first era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, or sort of shortly before and stuff, because you still see the last of the needs. So the last identifiable really strictly almost like needed cultures are things like the needs of the Deathlands, the Duraki needs they get called, which is just named after King Duraku as their last like high king.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a few tribes around, or like the Keptu people and such, but there's all these different Nidic tribes, but the reason we have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, relatively decent records of those is because it's all during the time of the Elysian Empire and the Skyrims Empire of Nords and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where there's much more scarce information going back, but it's really interesting to try and bridge these pieces. Like, I suggested in the video that, for example, like, in the first era, by the time of 800, there is the existence of this forest king Kestic, and there is a Nidic tribe called the Men of Creith. So the very assumption being that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the other thing that is of significance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the Skyforge in general too, is that we have, you know, as much confirmation as we get, it predates the Nords and it predates the Snow Elves, because the Snow Elves believed it to be a rail of the gods, but it's kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what if it was actually some sort of, like, magical construction of needs that predated Snow Elven arrival even? Uhm, and then, you know, they pick it up and, oh, it's of the gods or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kind of what I sort of like say in the video. It's like you've got all of these like neolithic structures like Stonehenge and Newgrange and pyramids in our real world where we don't have magic and gods and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not so far fetched that they can build a big bird forge thing or something like that, or the megalithic standing stone kind of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With magic and gods and stuff like that as well, because to be honest, even visually, they're kind of pale into the, you know, comparative to lead to like, you know, Ugric Angel pyramids or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff like that, um, cause it's just a simple stone up or something like that. You know, it's got carvings and stuff on it, but there's a lot of, you know, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool stuff. I feel like there's a lot of new, like, real world research, uhm, that could be applied to, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, to sort of the needs and so on, but like there's lots of new cool, um, there's a book I'm reading called the Dawn of Everything, which has a very interesting take on like all of history and stuff and like packaging it differently and stuff. Um, and one of the main things is that this idea that hunter gatherers or that, or that large societies can't exist without


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, agriculture and, and, and trade and stuff and there's, basically there's lots of evidence for, like they call it, uh, Gobekli Tepe is the one in Turkey and so on, but as far as they can tell,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're hunter gatherers that have built and somehow coordinated these big, um, stone structures and so on, but there's also ones, um, that they found in like near the Mississippi river and so on. I forgot the name of it, but these big sort of like stone formation almost feel like, you know, mini cities of that time. But as far as you know, they're,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, uh, indigenous Americans and, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were constructing those, but they were living like hunter-gatherer lifestyles and so on. And there's a really interesting thing. A lot of the focus of it is talking about agriculture versus hunter-gatherer and rather than it's this clear technological development, like this idea that hunter-gatherers that stayed hunter-gatherers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where it wasn't just like, oh, agriculture comes along and they get exposed to it. And then all of a sudden it makes a hundred percent sense and it's the best way to go. And, and like people like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But still, like, I wonder if that could be applied to needs or so on. Just to the point I was trying to get at there is that if you can imagine, like, hunter-gatherer needs of Skyrim, but then they could still come together and build these sort of stone structures of ritual significance or, or, you know, even, you know, metalworking, depending.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is sort of, we like to work with this theory or so on that Daedric worship is far more prevalent among


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the Nidic, early Nidic tribes and so on, and the reason being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that if you treat the Reachmen somewhat, they seem like they could easily be an isolate, like there's connections in the video made with the totems of Hircine and then how it could relate to Hircine and, and you know, this later needed Keptu tribes that work with Hircines and stuff like that. But if you envision the Reachmen as the only sort of cultural isolate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just given by their geography and so on that they've been able to stave off a lot of elven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, influence and then if you look at also the, the needs of the deathlands, they weren't, uhm, necessarily, but they did have their own different systems of worship. But the reason being is that, you know, you got the high elves there, they come to some, uh, they come to Cyrodiil and then they, you know, obviously become the alyds eventually, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The needs, the Nidic slaves of the Elysian uprising had no connection to their traditional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole aedra-daedra distinction, remember, is an elven idea. It is our ancestors or not our ancestors, so they put them in these neat little piles, like you don't get the same thing with the Khajiit, you don't get the same thing necessarily with the Argonians, or you don't get the same thing with the Reachmen, which,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] According to their, um, histories and which are all oral and stuff. So, you know, they believe they've been here since World War Four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and mentioning that, uh, silver medallion too of the Kothringi before, this is depicting Clavicus Vile, another Daedra, so it's indicating, like, Daedric awareness as far back as early Merethic era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then obviously like, you know, like you're saying Malek Balan and other, there's so many other possibilities. But that's why we kind of like to drag her with this. It's not even, I wouldn't take it as a certainty, but there is evidence to sort of suggest that this might be the case. It could be they might have some abstract mixed, mix of entities that they don't know as Adra or Daedra, but they're just like, you know, oh, Hercine, oh, Nymeria, oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really understand or know exactly what they are. There's obviously some comparisons you can make or certain influences. Like I sort of talked that perhaps, you know, the fat B mother is some sort of Mara like interpretation and then that somewhat interpret, uh, sorry, backward when the needs, uh, sorry, when the Red Guards came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This happens with everything all the time across any science or any, any kind of stuff. You create the best model that you've got with the available information and you test it and so on and it might work, but then all of a sudden,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something happens that breaks the model and then you're like, Oh, that doesn't work. And now you need to try and you can still use this as it's still got purpose and use, but you've got to understand that it's not perfect. So now you've got to adapt your model and sort of start working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just come over like thousands of years or at least hundreds of years after the Drainie and then they just sort of like go up to the mountains and then they're all over High Rock and it just, it's just kind of weird and they've also got to spread all into Cyrodiil and other parts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, we should also mention and talk about, someone I think on the comments of the video asked about would it be possible to do like a, like a prehistoric


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, morrowind or something, it's probably not, it's not possible or something because there is so little information. But there is, um, I think it's the Rontha tribe is, um, identified as like a Nidic tribe in, um, near morrowind like a morrowindish sort of area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and, and you know, potentially if you connect, if you try and like things with like bridges of travel and you've sort of got like, you know, Kothringi down here and then you've got like Skyrim and Cyrodiil North, it's possible. But it's also interesting the idea that like what's going on in Morrowind before Elves, so before Dwemer or before Kymer and so on and then... You know what you need to make?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but uhm, I guess, so, just to, to establish again,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The remnants of needs that you have now are basically it's Imperials in their background and Bretons in their background. And to some degree, obviously the Nords with any sort of interbreeding and stuff like that, but they're obviously identifiably Nords. So needs as any sort of, there is no culture that exists anymore that is, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a really great point thinking too, but you know how like, like, but you know, the, the, the Nibbanese in general, like, you know, they were like closer to the, you know, the, the Nords are far more that if you influence the Syro Nordics, which became sort of like Clovians, you know, far more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Stowa and like they've got their imperial, uh, divine cult and they're very uniform and such. But the Nibbanese, um, their general cultural mindset to begin with is very accepting of lots of different cults and practices and bits and pieces every quite an eclectic mass of cultural, um, individuality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you would apply that sort of thinking and if there was some sort of early consistency with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the one other thing to really point out about, like, the Fighting the Elven narrative is that even with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uhm, uprising of the needs and stuff in Cyrodiil which would become the dominant sort of man influence to a degree. I guess Nords were for a bit earlier, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least a mix of those two is that fundamentally they've already got the Elven influence and stories there. They are completely disconnected from their sort of heritage and stuff, or as far as we can tell. So you've already got the Elven story jammed in there in the foundation of the most central human powers in Tamriel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I mean, they even use the writing and language and stuff, um, stuff of it. Like I think all legal documents or something were in Altmeri language until like Riemann sort of reign or something like that. But you're looking at thousands of years of, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not beyond the idea that a culture that has values around like higher castes and essentially elven supremacy might create stories and versions of events that support the idea that they are the superior race.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, here's an interesting connection there is that obviously elves are obsessed with the idea that they were descended from gods and that the closest to godliness you are in terms of bloodline and such like that, the higher caste you are. But there's a good, maybe a good argument to say that they introduced the idea of castes based on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, religious, uh, lin- lin- I'm sorry, like godly lineage or association.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whereas if you imagine there's the Aeneidic tribes and stuff, they just, oh, there's all these powerful spirits and different things and data or whatever, and we worship those based on, but there's this very separate identity of, from the elves. But whereas the elves come in with their sort of haughtiness, it's like nowhere close to the gods and so on. And then they introduce these ideas, which actually become foundational even for,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And especially how fluid it is to even with the like, for example, like Shay O'Gorath appearing to the Khajiit as a little alfeek or to varying to that, like they kind of choose, they appear and manifest how, you know, the, you know, it's in the eye of the beholder almost, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also in terms of like the chronologically about the Duraki needs though, because like you're sort of saying is the Yakudan, um, raves, waves, the Regata was really like they're downfall because of the elves, the elven interference there. Well, that one character, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would have had about 600ish kind of years of potential interaction with the Elysian order and stuff like that as well. So it would have been interesting to kind of see how that went down and we don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, we don't have any records of this, but the real reason is because this law was developed in ESO and it's come much later. But, but, um, yeah, like it's just interesting that there would have been, so maybe they would have had some sort of, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I used to a long time ago, like you, you, when you hear Elise in order, you just think, oh, you know, legions and everyone's just Roman looking and everything again, but you got to that thing. I was like, you know, they have minotaurs and stuff in their thing. Like you look at the depictions of Alicia and she looks far more ancient with these big horn depictions and stuff like that. Like they were a far more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ancient in vibe, people, and like aesthetically they would have looked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's different, not just like, you know, Imperial Legion soldiers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's the Sahara that basically every 10,000 years or something turns into like a lush jungle and everything has different weather patterns and then obviously in the last couple of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like country mass that was there, that's now subsumed by water, uhm, and cuts them off, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's not, especially with magic and stuff like that, but it's not out of, and maybe also like, you know, maybe they went slash and burn too far with like clearing land for cropland because, you know, uhm, it happened in, in, in America, like, you know, the, uh, the big, like the plains Indians and stuff. Like a lot of that area used to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, forested and so on and now clear, it's the same as like Scotland and Ireland, like a lot of these area used to be forested, but they cut it down like human intervention and uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and that changes the landscape as well, and I mean, it goes for every sort of, uh, animal or anything like that, like elephants could drastically change the landscape depending on the destruction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, it's nice to try and work with it, you know? It's funny to imagine, it's like, us as Elder Scrolls historians, it's just giant copium farms of like, nah, it's coherent, it's good, it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be deep into Elder Scrolls lore, you have to mainline copium. You just have to. But yeaah. Uhm, so needs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I guess to, uh, just talking, I guess there's the Diraki needs there is probably the last identifiable like sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, earlier in the Merethic era, but with the, uh, a big part is that they were known as incredible stonemasons and they made like Skyreach hold and all of these giant towers and stuff that are still standing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, potentially Skyforge or other things, but the idea that they've obviously have some sort of fascination with stonemasonry and they'll even make barrows and burials going underneath the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but yeaah, but then again, this could have been Nordic influence cause the Nords were like really great stone workers as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, I also feel like thematically that's really cool if you have functionally like these primitives, like if you just had like stone age tribes across, uhm, all of this. I also want to say like, I guess, I think some people said it, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like using the word primitive or something, it doesn't give you, cause you can have theoretically a, a stone age theme that could be quite culturally advanced or religious, like all different kinds of stuff. It's hard to, obviously we use the user, people generally use it based upon just, um, technology progression, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, you have, um, the like Neolithic sort of Stone Age, uh, sort of Nidic tribes everywhere and so on. And then that thematically like stones their kind of thing feels kind of cool. I mean, age thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And, uh, yeah, so, um, it's a, it's a, that's a cool, that's a cool little insight there. The needs are responsible for everything, man. They, the aelids just jacked their entire culture. They took the stonework. They took the stars. They took the Daedra. Elves are overrated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to like, eh, this is a change of topic, so I don't wanna like jump in if you guys have trains of thought, but uhm, in regards to the, uh, Blackmarsh needs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting, like obviously there's evidence that there's, for Kothringi being there since really early on in the early Merethic era, but there are also other, um, tribes identified such as the Orma, which are a tribe and apparently they were born without eyes, becoming masters of their other senses and survived beyond the first era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, which is interesting, it's another, uhm, biological...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea is that they were sent there as prisoners or maybe refugees from other walls or something like that. And there's the Yes Pest as well, which have been contemporaries with the Barzabic Aelids and stuff who remember are a group of Aelids who were age-worshipping exclusively and then fled. They didn't like the, the Cyrodiilic descent into Daedric worship. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard to believe that they weren't there for a long time, like there's so much, um, you know what I mean, variations and stuff. It just kind of sounds strange to me that humans first came 1800 years before the first era, then they like run on down a black marsh, turn into silver skin, and then they're like, where the hell are you thinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a lot, there's a lot of confusion and a lot of things to build out different theories and also talking about just to throw so people don't think I'm like some mad pro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. But uhm, there are other, uh, little tribes. I don't know if there's any, like, some are just kinda boring. Some are just like, oh, this was a Nidic tribe. Yeah, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some different parts of the mythology, the whole like, the Ranev, the Colide Wanderer, I think in our Ancient Gods podcast, we talked about that, a renowned warrior and spearmaiden, uh, and the whole like, different stories and stuff about like, the snakes rising out of the ground and eating everything, and we connected that to potentially like, Akatoshi sort of Alduin kind of destruction stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, as if Hammerfell isn't like the best, like you've got, you've got the normal cities, you've got the four bear crowns kind of stuff, which also ties in nicely with the Thelmore conflict. You've got Orsinium as a whole city, which could just be awesome to see. You've got Dwemer ruins, you've got ancient Yakudan ruins, you've got ancient Nidic ruins, you've got...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's even some limited ailed ruins and stuff, but you have so much potential for variety and everything. It's a good spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, like when you used to go to buy condoms from like the, you know, pharmacy or whatever, you'd just buy like a pack of three or whatever because it was easier and cheaper and you know, you didn't want to be the guy who went in there and bought like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An ultra pack of like a hundred and fifty condoms cause that would just look kinda weird cause you actually had to deal with someone. But now that you can order them online and nobody ever sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, gets in your face or asks you any questions or gives you any sort of knowing looks. Yeah, I mean, I just, you know, I buy thousands at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it can't be a bad thing, right? The thing is, you know, now, you know, people should use condoms when they're having sex, right? Uh, especially with people you don't know or that you've only just met or whatever. Uhm, and the fact


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact that, yeah, no, there's more. The fact that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can buy, you can buy this protection online without any embarrassment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's only a good thing, right? It means that people are more likely to have fallout shelter quantities of condoms on hand now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you can buy them in bulk on the internet and you won't get like, you know, that awkward look from the person behind the cash. Especially when you're buying like the outlandish ones with like the studs and the ribs and banana flavoured and stuff like that. Oh shit, yeah. How many times have you gone to buy those bad boys and you just get that look and you're just like, oh damn, now she knows. It's for her!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, this is the thing. You know, there's a lot of... I think the internet...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, coming back to it, I think yeah, there's a lot of forces aligned against us that want our money at all times and I think the internet has made it much easier for them to do that because they prey on the convenience factor too, right? You're on your iPad, you're thinking about banana flavored condoms, you're like, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well they have an expiry date too, so if you have recently bought tons of condoms on the internet and you're storing them in your house for whatever reason thinking, you know, I'll get around to using them at some point. Just remember, they'd go out of date and they're no longer effective, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that one? True. Remember that one? Do you remember what that's from? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that- was known for just having a chalkboard in his office at all times so that he could-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not from any Mafia. Because the thing is with the Mafia, they only think that violence is funny. Remember that? Have you ever watched Richard Pryor before? Have you ever seen like any of his jokes about the Mafia?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, never hang out with the Mafia. Because they're crazy. And then he's like, does this impression of this guy, and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, and they're all patting each other on the back and everything. Like, the Mafia wouldn't find ass out of you and me clever or funny. Like, they only want to talk about the time they gouged some dude's eyes out with an ice pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they have to like, they have to appear tough though, right? They could never show the weakness of like, being post-traumatized. You know, they like, you know, it wouldn't be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they wouldn't be allowed. I remember in The Sopranos it was like a big deal how like nobody could know that Tony was seeing a psych- psychologist or whatever. Cause it would appear weak or whatever and he was in charge. Like, it's just not a thing in the Mafia, you're not allowed to show any sort of, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if it's actually weakness though, is it? It's not really weakness. In their eyes, it's a weakness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, if you're traumatized because of something that you've seen or something that's happened to you, that's not really a weakness is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well famously, for me, and where I remember seeing it first, are you sure you don't want to guess? You've already guessed Godfather and Goodfellas, you've got one more guess. Well, apparently...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the first place I saw it was in Silence of the Lambs. Oh. Remember uhm, when the guy is like, talking to Clary Starling, and he's like, and she was like, Hey coach, I think I got a hot lead on...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, don't you know that when you assume it makes an ass out of you and me, and he's like showing it to her, like on the chalkboard, he's like written it down. What, his ass? Yeah, he's drawing a picture of his ass with chalk on the chalkboard. He's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clarice. This is my ass. Does this look like my ass to you? Now if I draw on some-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ill-fitting trousers. Do you think I'd look good in these? Do you think I'd be able to pull them off at the company party later on this year? Hypothetically. This stick figure is you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wanna do another trivia? Guess what this one's from, okay? This is another classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ghostbusters. No, I gotta actually think of the quote actually, it's been- Groundhog Day. No, no, no, it's not Groundhog Day. It's the one where the guy is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your mind is writing checks that your body can't cash. Remember that one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotta think real hard. Well, it's like a pretty standard thing for guessing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such an 80s quote, isn't it? It's crazy. What a great movie, though. I mean, if you've never appreciated Top Gun before, make 2016 the year where you finally appreciate Top Gun, because holy shit, it's a great movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I'm feeling your mom's boobs and I'm doing something. There's lots of thrusting happening. Okay, now imagine you're putting gloves on. It's difficult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can still do it, right? It's another thing that having kids' teachers use to do everything one-handed. I don't know, like, you should try one day. You know like how they give kids...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, at school when they're trying to teach them like about babies and stuff. Do you ever get that at school where they give you the fake baby?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, I think instead of giving kids that, I think what they should do instead is just break a kid's arm and force him to do everything with one hand. Because that's a lot more true to what it's like having kids. Because you're always holding a kid in one hand and then you're doing everything else with one hand. That's really hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like an art that you have to get used to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it been a lot of workouts? Have you had a lot of workouts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Yeah, no, I'm the same. I'm useless if I have to use my left hand, like, to write or anything like that. Some people can write with both hands. To me, that sounds crazy. Like, my left hand is totally fucking useless. Like, if I were to touch my dick with my left hand, it would feel like a stranger was touching it. Like, that's how little control I have over my left hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you, you would never need to do that. No, I don't really would never need to. Unless I just wanted to for fun, like, so that I could feel like a teenager again, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Other than that. Good god. Well anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And after you've done all that, picture yourself fondling Lewis's mom's breasts and trying to do something else at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of other, but they can never duplicate, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I just thought of one that we never used before. Team Dunkin Donuts. Oh man. Fuck, that's awesome actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. Learning. Yeah, learning. Suck my dick. All that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why'd you like alcohol so much? It's just, I just find them kinda funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like Obama is too serious. I think we need like somebody who's lighthearted, plays an instrument. Did you watch the Jerry Seinfeld Obama?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, come on, they did not. They would never let Jerry in the White House, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because when Home Alone came out, I was the same age as Macaulay Culkin, and I could relate to him, but now, when I watch that, I'm like, this kid, fuck this kid, like, even though he's like the same age as me pretty much, I think, in real life, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now he is, yeaah. He's a kid in the movie still, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know what you mean though, it's weird, it's like uhm, it's kinda like our taste in music, right? Like, you don't listen to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get to a point in your life where you stop listening to new music and I think that that's something to do with the fact that you don't really want to listen to music produced by people who are younger than you because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They talk about shit that you don't care about anymore. You're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you take your nan to see the James Bond film and Daniel Craig is like literally smashing some dude's face open with the butt of a gun. And your nan is like in the theater crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody in James Bond's always so sexy though, that's the thing. It's like so unrealistic, cause nobody in- But that's the rule. Nobody's that sexy, like all the time. Like everyone he meets, like, hey, uh, a bit thirsty, can I get a soda?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You told me about this story when you were here, and I thought it sounded kinda weird, but it was like kinda interesting. But honestly, if you tell me about it right now, I will probably die of an aneurysm in front of my microphone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I gotta check this out now. I mean, you're really selling this. This sounds good to me. It's weird. Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can't. I don't think that that's in the book actually. Because that would imply that you're gonna eat them out of like the toilet. Which...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want to even give your kids that idea because let me tell you something. If they knew that that is a possibility, they would want to do it. Regardless of the health-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how they operate. That's the level that they operate on. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's because I've, I've gone to great lengths to never mention eating and the toilet in the same sentence. So that you would ever put those two together and realize that, you know, it was a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't want my kids to eat out of the toilet. I don't want them to know that the toilet and eating are things that can be done. If you're an adult and you want to eat your sandwich while you're taking a dump, that's up to you. I don't think you should, personally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is something, you know, I do a lot of stupid shit, okay? Like, I'm into a lot of stupid shit, I do a lot of stupid shit, but let me tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having a magazine rack in my bathroom is not a stupid fucking thing that I do. I think that's gross. Like, I personally think that's fucking gross. If you take your iPad, your phone with you in the toilet as well, that's kinda gross too. I mean, there is a lot of fucking shit flying around in the air in your bathroom. Getting onto your stuff and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, you know, sometimes you accidentally lick your phone or whatever, you might as well just lick a piece of shit. Well, actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I'm in there longer than I wanna be. Because of my diet. But, honestly, if I was really fucking healthy, holy shit. I mean, I would be getting that fine tune down to like 30 seconds, 20 seconds maybe. Dry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, I knew a guy who told me he's like, ah fuck, like we were young too at the time. We were young and we were maybe drinking a little bit too much at the time too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're pretty young. We're like, I'd say like 20 at the time. Okay, that's your way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twenty. Twenty's young now. I was young. Oh for me. God. I was young. I was pretty young when I was twenty anyway. Okay. I felt a lot younger than I do now anyway when I was twenty. So anyway, we're about twenty. Give or take. So it's probably about twenty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I'm talking to my friend. And I said, fuck. You know, we've been drinking a lot recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I mean, it was just like a, you know, it's just something that you- Is he German? Yeah, he's deep German. It's like deepest, darkest Germanies. Name is Fuck-Venn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckenheimer. Anyway. So, I'm talking to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I said, like, jeez, we've been drinking a lot recently, you know, like, my diet isn't the best, like, fuck, I've been taking some really loose shits recently. He's like, oh yeah, you know, I know what you mean, like, or whatever, but honestly, like, I can't remember the last time I passed, like, a solid shit. I was like, woah, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I'm, cause I'm pretty sure I did one like, last week. But, you know, just because of the way this week has gone or whatever, maybe not so much. It's like, no, for me it's been like, years. And I was like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get that checked out. You know, like, you should actually be able to pass a solid shit once in a while. It shouldn't always be like liquid or whatever. And he's like, yeah, I don't really care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy as far as I know has just had runny shits his whole life. He's dead now. He's probably dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is up ladies and gentlemen? Welcome back to Fire Dropper. My name is Scott here with Michael Drew as always. This is the Old Scrolls Podcast. Today we are talking about a requested topic because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Way back in the day we did, uh, the Elysian Empire and the Roman Empire, but we never did a sort of dedicated episode on the Third Empire and the Septim Dynasty because we kind of like touched on it a little bit here and there with the Imperials when we're talking about Talos and such like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we're going to actually go through the entire dynasty and talk about the third empire, and it's actually one of the most detailed, uhm, dynasties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the one, like, unifying link. Yeah, like, in a way. And then, obviously, Tiber Septim as a character, like, you know, you get the whole Talos of it. Mora, is he, like, a Norgan thing, or is he Hjolti, early B, there's a lot of stuff around him. Is he three people, one people, you know. He sucks. There's a lot of, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they could even like, even a way to like bend with a cannon, I mean it would make like the dragonborn a male in this scenario. But like, you know how like whatever you breed with a child is the race of the mother? So for example if you had an imperial


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can kind of quickly talk about like Typerceptin, because we had a full episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, so let's just say like, Tiber Septum has a brother called Agnareth, so Tiber Septum's grandson Pelagius, killed by the Dark Brotherhood, so then it goes to Kintyra Septum, who is Agnareth's daughter, aka Tiber Septum's niece. So this is where most of the Septum line comes from. And she has Uriel. Yea, Uriel Septum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, this, this, by the way, just to mention, this Empress Kintyra is the one that, that supposedly Regine stole the tattoo off her neck. Yes. Like, it's this one, which is that, like, legendary tale, so that happened in the third era, if that happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, she, uh, she has Uriel the first, who's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great lawmaker apparently and like, uh, the fighters and mages guilds increase in prominence during this time. Generally speaking, the first hundredish years of, of the septum dynasty is pretty decent. Like there's nothing too insane. I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm confused just real quick to play against the second being the son or grandson of the, the dynasty, the thing they've got on the US wiki is, says, seems to look like a grandson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's this sort of, like, era, really, that really kicks off, uh, a big dark phase, which becomes the War of the Red Diamond, where you have a whole bunch of intrigue with different sons and children and so on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he has a, he has a bunch of kids, uhm, one of them being Antiochus Septum, Sephora Septum, Pitema Septum, who you'll, uh, know, and also, uh, Magna Septum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Queen Petima of Solitude and so on. So what happens is as a young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you read the wolf queen story, you can really kind of sympathize with the wolf queen quite a bit at points. And obviously it's a dramatization, like an in-world dramatization story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she's not originally, so she's a 14 year old, she's a 14 year old girl that gets married off to this old king. Um, so she's sent off to like, you know, essentially like have, have kids with this kind of old dude. And he, she has a, a son who she calls Uriel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, then they, so they call him Uriel and so on, but then basically, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a Pelagius septum, the second dies and you get Antiochus septum who comes in and he's a bit of a sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bit of a bastard, a bit of like going around just, just doing his own things, looking after himself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently one of the most flamboyant of the usually austere septum family. Many mistresses, nearly as many wives, you know, a real, you can kind of, a real like, Dionysian sort of like, I'm a, I'm the emperor, I do what I want, I have fun, I have parties, all of that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uhm, basically, uh, Patima then starts, doesn't like her brother and sort of tries to sort of start angling for, for the, the throne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it really all takes place when Antiochus has a child who's came to Kintyra who becomes Kintyra Septim II and she's a brief, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is where the war kicks off, because Patima starts, she basically starts a war essentially, she wants Uriel Septim to become


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to become emperor and so on and this is where the war of the red diamond, uhm, kicks off and I just need to like double check so I don't want to make sure, I want to make sure that I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what happens is, there's this big complicated war, like, we might have to, like, sort of, like, go into some details or something like that, uhm, later, but, there's that whole war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] happens, right? It's terrible. Uriel Septim III does end up, her son becomes emperor for a little bit, but then he basically gets killed because she's fighting in a war against her other brothers, Sephiroth and Magnus. Kintira has a really tragic story. She gets


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she's like in prison or dies in prison or something like that. I can't quite remember off the top of my head, but it's a tragic sort of sad ending for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically, Kintyra, Antiochus and Kintyra's line wiped. Now you're only dealing with Petima with her son Uriel Septim, the third, which is who she's announced as emperor. And then there's Sephiroth and Magnus, her two brothers that absolutely hate this idea. They're fighting against her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The wars happen back and forth, all this stuff's happening for a long time, Potemis starts getting desperate, starts using Daedra and Necromancy and stuff like that. But, and then she goes quite mad when her son is killed, Heril Septim III is dead. So then things really escalate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and basically Sephiroth and Magnus keep fighting against her and like restrict, basically she's in solitude and she's doing like last stand kind of stuff in solitude. All of her armies lose and everything, but then what happens is she, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, she, I think she disguises herself as an old crone or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then Magna Septim's son is Pelagius Septim the third, who you may know as Pelagius Septim the man. She gifts him this little stone, like this old crone, like a young Pelagius or something, and that same like wolf queen stone diamond thing that made her a certain way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to clarify just for the timeline there, so we had Antiochus and Kintira dead, then the Uriel Septim III, Patima's son, emperor for a little bit, but then he dies, then there's the war rages on, Patima's just trying to like throw everything she can and just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then it goes to Magnus Septim and he already has a son, Pelagius III. So when Potima disguised as a crony is giving it to a young Pelagius, Magnus is currently the emperor. But obviously that reign ends and then the throne ends up going to Pelagius Septim III.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is, which is a bit of a story, uhm, in itself. I just want to find out the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, the, so, so now you have like Magnus the first, he's kind of has a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a dark elf thing. And this is where you get a little, another little bit of extra controversy is, uh, Pelagius the third is obviously Pelagius the mad and he's quite mad. He goes insane and basically he is, uh, deemed as unfit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, to rule, and I forget which island, I'll have to look it up, what island, he's put away somewhere. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget where it is, uh, sorry. It's in Blackmarsh somewhere? I think he was in it. No, no, no, I think that's the Kintyra. Yea, that's where she goes. She goes and gets locked away. But it's like he dies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pelagius September 3rd eventually dies, actually, in his cell on the temple of Kinnareth on the Isle of Beth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, but basically he does a whole, you can go look into the madness plagias. He does a whole bunch of bombastic things and so on, but basically he's seen as unfit. So his wife, the dark elf, Katariya Rathim ends up becoming the empress. So here's another example. It's like she's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Plagius III and Catariah have one child called Cassander Septim, um, who would probably be Dark Elf, given that kind of thing, right? So Cassander Septim is, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the next line, but, but she remarries. Katariah, after pledges of death, remarries to a guy called, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have a son called Uriel Lariat, but what happens is, uhm, I think it's Cassander Grosol and doesn't have any children or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But basically, oh, he only, and he was, he had a short rule, only had two years on the throne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's succeeded adopted half brother cause he, I think that the half brother Uriel lariat was like adopted into the family legally. So legally Uriel septum the fourth was a septum in law, but not by blood because that's a, it's a, it's a child from Katariah and this lariat fellow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then you have Uriel, Septim, um, the, the fourth and, um, I can't remember, does Andorak actually get a run at it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, so basically the, the Andorak septum gets passed over because when Uriel septum the fourth eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're accepting the fourth has a child called Andrak and they're like, no, we're not picking Andrak as the new heir. Cause you know, they basically pick a more distant cousin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is supposedly more closely related to type septum and that's the sephira septum the second. So when you see the sephira septum the second stuff, there's this huge break in the family tree. It's like, oh, just pick a distant cousin. So already you've got all of the original septum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This whole idea of like, Martin's septum, my ancestor, Tiber's septum, War is over all, it's a bit like, uuuh, a bit shaky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Sephiroth must have left it in a good spot. The, uhm, the Empire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because when Uriel V gets, uhm, gets, so who is Sephiroth II's son, gets hold of the Empire,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Empire is actually a pretty sweet spot. They've got like lots of stuff. So it's like, well, what am I going to do with this big, like, you know, you know, long standing army, which is run off taxes and all of this kind of stuff. What are we going to do? Let's invade. Let's invade Akavir. And this is the infamous Akaviri invasion. So in a way, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is pretty decent. Then there's this whole, like, screwy part in the middle where you have the War of the Red Diamond, you have mad emperors, you have emperors, or empress that's not even of the Septon dynasty, and then adopted half-brothers, like, you know, they basically need to reset and, like, go to this cousin, and then that cousin, Sephora, Septon the second, who has Yuro, Septon the fifth,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Eurycept in the fifth, uhm. Goes to Akavir and dies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause Uriel the 6th, so first, Uriel the 6th was only a baby, uhm, only just born when Uriel the 5th goes off and dies in Akavir. So he, uhm, basically his mother, uhm, the consort Thonica was basically had a restricted regency until he reached maturity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the elder council retain the real power, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd been slowly assuming positions of responsibility for years. Both the council and his mother, who enjoyed even her limited regency, were loathed to give him reign. By the time he came to throne, the mechanisms of government gave him little power, but the power to veto.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's also uhm, this, this whole era, uhm, these kind of emperors that we're talking about now, these are really the ones that kind of lay the groundwork for Uriel Septim VII to have a good time. Basically, like a golden piece of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we have, he's a half-sister. Next, the Uriel Septim the Sixth doesn't have a kid and falls off his horse, dies. But then it goes to his half-sister, which was Mora Half the Septim, which was a child by Uriel Septim the Fifth and someone else. We don't know who that was yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and Morahartha has a sister, there was a, there were twins, uh, Eliza, would you say that? It's E-L-O-I-S-A. Eloisa. Eloisa probably. Uhm, and Eloisa and someone else have a kid play, except in the fourth. So Morahartha never ends up having children herself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, uhm, so then it goes to her knee, uh, sorry, nephew, Pelagius Septim IV. So already we've got a lot of like, sideways-ing of the family tree. But you have Pelagius Septim IV, uhm, who seem to basically, I feel pretty sure by this point,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, you know, he continued his aunt's work, slowly bringing back the seditious kingdoms of the empire. And then basically by his point, this point, he had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, consolidated a lot of stuff. It's basically saying, according to, uhm, the, uh, brief history of the empire, I think it is, uhm, saying that he had an astonishing 29 year reign and Tamriel was stable, prosperous and closer to unity than it had been since the days of Uriel the first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yes. And this is also Uriel Septim VII's father. So Uriel Septim VII, you know, the Emperor we're most familiar with, like, you know, for all of the games, um, up to Oblivion, um, he is like an important character. Um, and he is, he, he is- He gets put-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At first he's like a, he seems like he's a bit of a beast, he's like a real like, you know, savvy, like, you know, he's not afraid to twist arms and make things happen. Uhm, and he perseveres like keeping this peace, but really until,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, exactly. And then like, Jaegar Thun, um, yeaah, puts him in a box. Basically in Oblivion, he gets trapped in Oblivion for 10 years, which obviously, in terms of the end, Jaegar Thun impersonates the Emperor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is terrible for the empire. Um, it basically, you know, spreads paranoia everywhere that nobles have been replaced by the, uh, by the emperors. There's wars going on nonstop in all of these different provinces. It would be crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, just to clarify people in case they don't know, the events of Arena is you thwarting Jegar Tharn and rescuing the real Emperor. Uhm, so that's the eternal champion character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then throughout the- and it's funny, it's like you can kind of like speculate that maybe his time in Oblivion gave him some kind of insight because what he starts doing through covert means


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he just starts picking, using the blades a lot for starters?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then also, he just seems to pick these prophetic heroes. He's like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to pick this agent of the blades who's basically going to go sort the whole warp in the west kind of thing, the events of Daggerfall and, and fix the situation there through a miracle, basically. Next he's going to pick, oh, this prisoner, I'm going to send you to Vvardenfell. Oh, and that prisoner fulfills the Nerevarine prophecy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then yeah, he entrusts the final, the prisoner in, in the, in oblivion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] the game and then trust you with Amulet of Kings and you go off and you save the world, the hero of Kvatch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even, you know, from the oblivion crisis, but it's, you got to say like he is the MVP of impressiveness in terms of he had, he was handed the place in a good spot, but he brought it to like this awesome stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting assessing how the legitimacy of the Mi dynasty in context of like the Scepter dynasty is not that like crash hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, like, cause arguably, like, I wonder if, like, I don't, I don't know, like, I, like, arguably I'd even say the whole Uriel, Septon VII stuff, like, you, you gotta take the word for it that this Sephora second where it all comes from is some distant cousin that is, but then I'm like, yeah, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the Dragon Fires was Reamon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Arguably, perhaps, you've got the situation with, uhm, the Mi Dynasty is what makes it sort of so, like, contentious, is that it has the, uh, the least


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so then Reamon the first is like taken by this shepardist and so on and he is born with the amulet of kings on his head like a full speaking adult lady, but he is literally like descended from the land itself from Elysia's spirit and intertwined. So there is a mythological reasoning to take Reamon dynasty, Elysian dynasty connected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to think of what the Tiber Septimani, like, obviously they spin the whole, like, uh, Talos of Atmora, um, kind of thing in a sort of, like, Dragonborn-ish kind of connection, but it's not as-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think too it's a good, it's a good like, it's a good lens to look at the Elder Scrolls through sometimes to check it is almost like a bit more of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, there's a realistic subversion of events. Like, for example, like, even the inspiration being off, like, you know, uhm, the, the Roman Empire and so on, you had, like, emperors that, like, you know, they proclaimed divinity and they're like, they become, like, these god figures, like, they, every,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throughout history, a lot of people try and create source, like some sort of metaphysical, spiritual reasoning or something as to why they're the chosen, they're divine themselves or whatever. Like, so there is like a myth that keeps getting perpetrated and so on that they are divine for this reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's interesting to look at it instead of perhaps a little less literal, it's a bit more, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, I think I said it before in the file podcast or maybe one civilization, but basically that like, if only the peasant knew that all that divided his position and the king's position is just a good story. That's all that, that's all it is. It's just a, it's a, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that's like in our history, it's like everywhere. And it's been, it's only until really recently that it's kind of gone downhill. Like even if the realistic reasons behind the scenes is like, you know, political maneuvering and all that kind of stuff, the presentation eventually is that there is some sort of like, you know, divine right to rule kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think you would have, like, I think it was, so it was, Akado was for 10 years or something, and then this Thulz the Gibbering only gets taken out by Tidus Mead in 4E17, so he's at about 7 years of Thulz the Gibbering kind of rule, which is interesting because, like, again, like, it's easier when you're, like, scheming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but when you're like skimming through all of these dates and stuff, it's very easy to just like, like not conceptualize it in real like, kind of like time. 17 years ago, you know, for like us, you like children and so on. 17, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause, cause the, uh, yes, cause like even, even the whole Mi Dynasty empire, it's like a, like, remember the, uh, there was no Valenwood for most of it. No Valenwood or Somerset Isles. And I think Black Marsh is pretty quick out of it. Uhm, the whole Morrowind status is very like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird to say or hard to say, I don't know, I don't know if they're like actually part of the empire anymore. I know some of the maps do, but the sources sort of seem different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, we, we only, we, we only know of like three emperors, Titus Meade the first, second, and there was Atropus Meade, which was the son of Titus Meade the first. But uhm, and he's, he takes, he's one of the main characters in the sort of Lord of Souls, Infernal City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, novels and then presumably he became emperor because he was like the crown prince at one point, but there's a, there's a little bit of a gap in our understanding, but Titus to me, the second's been an emperor for a while, but obviously he signed the white golden quarter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talos stuff got outlawed, uhm, worshiped, and he's hated for a bunch of those different reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that thing too, it's like, uh, even because of the whole, like, Hammerfell thing, it's like, oh, Hammerfell, maybe they could have won the Great War, it's like, hindsight's 20-20, like, man, like, a lot of people in his position would have just taken the deal, you know, end the war, end the bloodshed kind of thing, like, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean, like, it's, it's not a, it's not as simple as just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But using the time thing as well, it's like the great war, like, it's like, the great war ended 25 years ago by the time of Skyrim. Like that's, that has allowed for peace for a whole generation of people like our age to grow up and be like, hey, that's cool. Like we didn't have to live through war for 25 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it, but it is that thing, it's like in terms of like the desire for like peace, like cause it's in the games and like lore and stuff, you can really be like, yeah, it's all about beating the enemy and like beating the big monsters or the, or the Thelma or the enemy or whatever, but like most of the populace would love to not be in constant war times. Yeah, of course, absolutely. Cause like everybody loses in war, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one last note too is like that every single of the empires have always had some sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, poor endings, like there's the Elysian Empire that starts as a few emperors and then it becomes basically co-opted by the Elysian order, sort of theocracy basically. So it doesn't really feel like, you know, it's not this like continued line kind of thing. Then you've got the, you know, the Riemann stuff that basically gets co-opted by the Akaviri potentates that run the joint for like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. This week I am in America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't know if Sips and PFLAX are gonna do a podcast, but probably not. So I'm just recording this in case it goes in front of the archived, uhm, stuff that we have left over from Team Double Dragon. All of the finest, uh, bits of Sips and I waffling over gameplay as we talk


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, ignorantly about stuff we don't really know about, uh, for you to get salty about. So yeaah, enjoy this podcast. It starts now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't typically have a lot of fun stuff to talk about anyway. A lot of my, a lot of the chat that we have together is kind of... Well, I don't know, don't tell yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I could talk about really mundane things happening, like I found some mold in my spare room cupboard, you know, on the wall. Nice. So I reported it to the landlord and, you know, it means it probably got a leak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you shouldn't have done that, cause isn't he kicking you out? Like, pretty soon? Well yeah, but it's pretty important for me to like, uhm, not get in trouble when I leave, and him saying, oh look, there's loads of mold you didn't report it, you're gonna lose your deposit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's always the big fear with renting somewhere, right? That the landlord is gonna keep all of your deposit? Yeah. Uhm, I don't know if you're aware of this, people who are out there, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Landlords, oh, man. I never want to be one. They're the worst, aren't they? No. Uhm, because they're, it's not a good thing to be, right? No, that's the thing. It's always a fat guy with a greasy, like, string vest on. He's always wearing a wife beater. Yeah, wife beater, that's right. He's always...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, his hairline is receding and he's holding a half-open can of beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some kind of accent tick. Heart of open can of beer tick. Receiving headline tick. Double tick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you raise your hand, and you realize it's the same as his hands, and you realize that he is actually your dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you, you kiss for a second and then you realise, oh maybe we're, maybe, maybe we're not soulmates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, do you know, do you not think it's more of a physical thing? Okay. Almost like how, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Animals, you know, a lot of animals sort of relationships done through smells and pheromones and stuff, so maybe...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that shows that you have a really big ego. Yeah, probably. I don't know, I don't know. I don't think, I don't think your own farts are supposed to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sips, I'm not an evolutionary biologist. Okay, I like to pretend I'm a polymath at everything. But actually, do you know what I'm, I'm, some people were getting mad at me last time, right? Cause I was talking about marriage and stuff in a really weird way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think this is one of these things, uhm, that people sort of say about millennials or the younger generation? And, and we are part of that. Well, I suppose, well, I'm on the ferry. I think you could be a millennial if you were born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That films and me and you and Duncan are all much of a muchness I think. We feel very like kindred spirits and I think Harry in the same way even though we know he's young, we still


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is just one of us, and there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Age boundaries there, whereas I think when I was at school associating with people in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The year below me was kind of frowned upon, you know? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I did have a few friends in those years. It's not, it's not that we didn't, but it kind of just wasn't, wasn't done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weirdly, the drug friends that I had were actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was a pretty unique thing in my school. They actually overlapped with the nerdiest computer room guys. Okay? So there were this group of people who hung out in the computer room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of hovered around between, between groups. I wasn't one of the guys who went out clubbing when I was 16 and drank a little beer and, you know, was the cool, the cool guys who got to sit at the back of the bus, kind of, the cool club. I wasn't in that, no, I wasn't in the computer room guys, I wasn't in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The real chess club problem, but yeah, there was this kind of group of uhm, they were cool guys, and they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a group of about sort of six of them, but only like three or four of them were there on that day. And if, you know, if you were, if you were unlucky, cause I, you know, I'd been down with him. If I had been unlucky, my life would have completely changed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But nowadays, they probably say, oh, he's just got a bit of affluenza, uhm, let's put him in a special class for it and give him a little trophy that says, well done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well done on your weed. Your weed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kick that weed habit, well and truly. You know, what do you think about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard as being a general perception. What do you think about millennials being coddled and being given awards for not achieving and being patted on the back even though they don't work hard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think millennials are quite happy in terms of their outlook. You know, I think they're more upbeat than the older generations are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're very liberal. They're very socially liberal in terms of they, uh, want, they care about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I carry my bitcoins around in my pocket. But even then they probably just say, oh, you know, take my phone, you know, here you go. Cause I know I can just get a new one from insurance or whatever from my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of don't like applying these kind of unrealistic...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Supernatural things to, to, to, to answer these questions because I think you don't give enough bounds for it, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen, I've seen everything. I've seen every breast. It's, it's, it's a problem because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, there's no bounds. The classic thing is that when you set a story, this is one of Brandon Sanderson's laws, uhm, when you set a story in a magical world or a fantasy land, you have to set the boundaries for how powerful their powers can be and what their drawbacks are. Because sometimes the best thing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true, but what makes interesting characters is not their strengths, it's their flaws, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My supernatural power is that I can summon, uh, anything, any object out of, into existence right now, okay? Well that's bullshit though, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be like, I'd be like, uuuh, and then I could summon out like, a load of, uhm. No, that's fucking garbage. What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, like, the problem with that is that, there'd be lots of problems, right, but these questions, I don't find them very rewarding unless they're a hard, like- Well, you haven't heard my answer yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, okay, there's a theorized thing called the brown sound, where it's like a really low pitched sound that vibrates at the same frequency as your butthole, right? So it makes you poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the guys have superpowers, but they have a contract, okay? So what the contract is is that it's something they have to do that either they don't want to do is always very unpleasant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, after they've used their superpowers. So maybe, like, maybe this one guy can, like, fire electricity out of his hands, okay, but his contract from that has to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How the hell would you play video games if you had to break all your fingers? That's... Well maybe it's only on one hand, uhm, and maybe they heal up. And also, maybe, maybe that's a more extreme end. Maybe more, instead it would be like, uh, you have to do something really tedious, okay? Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have to go, like, fold each of the pages of books, like, over, like, five hundred books, like, a hundred books or whatever. So you have to go through a load of books, and so it's, it's like quite a time-consuming thing, so you can't just use your power whenever you want, you have to, you have this cooldown where you have to satisfy a contract, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and so that's an interesting concept. There's lots of interesting concepts for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having s- s- having weaknesses. Yeah. As a result. It- it like- it controls them. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that's why no one's interested in Superman, right? That's why he's sort of a bit sucky. Because he's not got, you know, you can shoot a bullet at his eyeball and it bounces off. And I'm just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, for crying out loud. You're the guy. You're that guy, aren't you? And they're like, your weakness is kryptonite. It's kind of the, the, the one, and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we should maybe rename this whole thing to one and a half guys because I'm kind of, I'm kind of here talking to you and you're always only paying half attention. It's like when your mum tells you something and you're playing on a video game and you're like, yeah mum, okay, whatever, I'll do it in a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh sure, thanks. You just don't listen, you know? I had that a lot. I had that an awful lot. I had that for like 15 years, probably, with my parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I only half listened, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't piss it away. Like that, in my family. And I guess it'll be the same for you, as soon as your kid starts, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just got this sort of layer of ignore all over it. So it was all kind of pointless stuff. Whereas when my dad let me know something it was like, Lewis the house is on fire quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's leave. And I'd be like, okay. Do you know what I mean? He didn't bother me with trivial crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody listen. That's, we know the parable of the boy who cried wolf. Okay. That is a, it's a classic tale of, uh, anyway. Uh, it's Monday morning and the main news from the weekend. What did you, what did you think the main news was that came out over the weekend? Terry Wogan died. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much of an asshole I've been lately to people who are upset that someone else has died. Like, for example, Lemmy from Mosthead died, and then- Yeah, that's right, yeah, god. A lot of people died. And then Alan Rickman and also David Bowie died, right? Oh yeah, forget about Alan Rickman. I wasn't really bothered about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any of those, okay, and I was quite cynical about it, okay, I was quite-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was quite, well, you know, uh, poor old David Bowie didn't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously Terry Wogan dying is actually, actually pretty, pretty sad for me because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, and I don't realize that these other people probably have the same effect on other people, but I was a big Wogan fan, okay, I used to listen to Wogan like every morning for about 20 years it felt like, you know, every morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would have a radio alarm clock, it would wake me up, you know, I'd go to school, and I'd listen to Wogan, and then when I went to work in university, I would listen to Wogan again, and you know, he was kind of this, just let me get through this, Sips, because it's emotional, okay, it's hard, it's hard for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh lads, Terry Barker here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just such a nice, gentle, kind of good, good guy, you know, he did also some good stuff as well, you know, he did Children in Need, he did Eurovision classically, you know, there were a lot of things which, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I guess, I guess you don't realize how certain people have an impact on your life, uhm, sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, that's Ken Bruce, okay. He's been doing radio for fucking probably just as long as Wogan has. Uh, except that he used to run...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's like 65 as well, but he used to run after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he used to, yeaah, so he's Scottish though, not Irish. He sounds just like him, I find. Well, he's got that same kind of, like, slow radio, classic radio voice. Yeaah, he does sound, he, no, the thing is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see why you get confused, okay, if you don't, if you're not a big Logan listener, but he is very different. It's a little bit like Duncan and Simon, okay, the first time we start getting Duncan on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but no, if, if you know, if as soon as you know them,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think when you get a bunch of people together, like Rooster Teeth, you know, I can't tell those guys apart because I don't watch enough of their stuff. But as soon as I start watching it, I very quickly know who's who, you know? It's easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I remember watching Wogan, you know, just savagely take the piss out of, uh, Eurovision Song Contest, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wanna talk about poop for a bit or something? Cheer you up? Sure, let's talk about whatever you've been dealing with a lot of that. Is that a normal thing in your everyday life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well today, by the way, is apparently the most... National poop day! No, it's National sickie day. Oh, is it? It's apparently the worst day of the year for worker absenteeism, i.e. ringing up and saying, oh, I'm not feeling very well today. Nice! Yeah, and so it's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I don't, like, this is something which I guess you would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you're gonna, I guess it just happens to be one of these times, okay? It's the first of February. It's, uhm, it's just, it's a long way from Christmas, but it's very cold. Christmas is one of these celebrations that kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeps you going, right? Through the kind of cold misery. Because summer is okay, okay? Summer is fine, it's warm weather, you wake up, especially a UK summer, right? It's never really hot enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's well, in summer, hold on, for the summer months, okay, from June through to late August, uh, uh, pleasant, okay, and then it starts to get dreary and miserable and by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, December, really, it's pretty shit. It really sucks. And it's really depressing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? And so therefore, why? But why do grapes need a lot of sun? You know, they grow in California, France has got a lot of sun. Anyway, I'm just saying that you're basically living in France, so that's a little bit different. Uhm, up here in the UK, it's, we get, we get a good chunk more shitty weather and, and I think that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] December and January, uh, December and Christmas are a good excuse to kind of get out of that, that kind of down in the dumps and really just have a fun time and accept that the weather might be shitty and, you know, be okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] February now is just about the peak of the worst weather that we're gonna get. It's been a really long time since Christmas, so everyone's forgotten about it. There's nothing good coming, right? Because it's just like, February's pretty shitty, March is pretty shitty, uhm, and it's, you know, it's a good old fucking couple of months to go, and so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's the, I think we're just about at the trough, right, of the worst day of the year. And so obviously this is the day when people just think, I want to stay in bed. What do you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So first of all, well, you were half an hour late to our recording, so what were you doing with that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I do, I have had a few stupid iOS games that I've played to death, yea. Yea, like what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I, I, I, I, well obviously one of the ones I talked about over Christmas was uh, Dream Quest. And I played another game similar to that a lot. I think that, that Duncan, Duncan did a, an iOS freemium iOS game for a brand deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, he said, we were chatting the other day and he looked me straight in the eyes and he was like, oh my god, that game. I can't believe it. I spend like 25 minutes every morning. I wake up and I play it for like 25 minutes every morning. I can't stop. What is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to tell you what these games are, sisters. I might be playing it though, this is the thing. I don't think so, I don't want to tell you. It's not good, it's not good to, it's like a crack dealer. Just give me a little snifter of the crack. No! I'm not giving you any snifters of crack, because then you will like the crack, and then you will have crack every morning with your cereal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't stop playing it. I can understand. I can't! Right, here's the thing, okay, about this. There's something about agriculture that really wets my whistle, I don't know what it is. Yeah, in the depths of winter, okay, in this miserable weather where it's pouring rain outside or snowy or shitty, or just, just cold and wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's the key. I think that when it comes to summer, you're not going to be doing that stuff, right? Anyway, but, you know, maybe then you can play like a game which is like winter. I guess this is why I don't like the whole Dota 2, uh, winter map.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sunny map, you know, at least it makes me feel like it's not quite as horrible Oh, yeah, do they that's I haven't played like in a while they give you a winter map


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot about that. Some people do absolutely love winter though, so to you people, I say, good for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on. Just, just, just hide your troubles in a woman. Just masturbate. Just masturbate a lot. In a warm hot toner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure that's what it's like. I don't wanna listen to Radio One ever again now. It's very pop. Okay, they have a set playlist, which is assigned by some guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so they have like 20 songs on loop, so you hear the same songs over and over again, because they only change them every couple of weeks. Uhm, so it's almost like playing- Or maybe Radio 1's just pushing a millennial agenda. Maybe. Do you remember when you had, uh, like an album, okay, a musical album?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on a CD or something. This is like a completely forgotten thing I guess now. And it was the only one you had or it was in your CD player and you just, you played it on loop. Did you have any albums like that that you played on loop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I live with a guy who had Killers, the first Killers album. On CD? On CD. Killers were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuh, no, it was, it was called Mr. Brightside, the one with that on it. Uh, is that the, which album is it? Well, we'll find out, I'll google it. But basically he had it on loop for about a year. And I heard that album probably five times a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weirdly, my grandad made me a mixtape. And it was all Frank Sinatra for some reason. To try and get me into his sort of kind of music. So he had bought some, he was a big cassette


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He made you a jazz mixtape? What the fuck, man? Seriously? Are you for real? That actually happened? That actually happened, yeah. Jesus. So it had all the greats on there. Right. All the greats. Chattanooga Choo Choo. Oh yeah. Classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a different world, isn't it? And it's really sometimes nice to show off things like that to people as well. Say, hey look, I could just, it makes you feel powerful in a way when you talk to someone from an older generation who is blown away by your level of technology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, going back to something we were talking about, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was sort of thinking really of, of, of when you used to have a real job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that's a standard thing at all. I'm not even sure you can technically have one day off without a doctor's note, but I think most people are fairly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's more lax over here. Jersey, jersey attitudes are a little bit laid back, yeaah. I think, I think if it's more than a day you have to, you can, you can ask for a doctor's note I think, I'm not sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's tricky. I guess uhm, it's something I've not really thought too much about either. Uhm, since I, but I used to throw sickies quite regularly and, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's one of those things that they always complain about on the news. They say, oh, Britain has lost 36 billion pounds worth of work to sick days. But I don't know. I think it's one of those things like that, you know, it makes people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some days at work I wouldn't do anything anyway, even if I was at work, you know, I would just browse Facebook and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the bigger the company, the more people could justify exploiting it, okay? If they're working for a huge, huge company where they're just a tiny cog in the machine, I think it's very easy for you to realistically justify in your head that, oh, it doesn't matter if I'm kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if I'm taking advantage of them, it doesn't matter, they probably deserve it, they can afford it. You know, I've worked hard for them, I've done a lot of stuff for them. It's raising to justify in your head to be shitty or lazy or not do anything. But sometimes these companies don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reward people for their integral parts of things, you know, especially, you know, when I worked in the chemistry, chemical industry, you know, coming up with a solution to a major problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Company that you work for who who really are just trying to exploit you is very kind of corporate. I think that corporate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is not moral, uhm, by its very nature. It's about, uhm, about money. And that's, it's more about, it's more robotic, I think. It's more kind of, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a small group of people and there's not too much room for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that kind of thing. Your massive breasts, but I will do everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or do you want to hear some outrageous excuses from people who have shirked off work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're really anti-climactic actually, I've just read them and I'm disappointed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very similar to that. Uh, here, here they are from the telecraft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says I've accidentally locked myself in the bathroom and I'm having to wait until someone with a key to the house can come round to let me out. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I assume you lock yourself in the bathroom every time you go in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can understand if you're living in a house where the lock has, like, fallen off or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but actually that, do you reckon people have died because they locked themselves in the bathroom and then suddenly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, it's like a new horror, horror story. And they go to the hand door, and the hand door's like, breaks, okay? And they can't get out of that bathroom. And, you know, they haven't got their phone in there, because they just went in there for poop. And they die in there. And they die in there. The whole time they're thinking, why did I even lock the door?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think no one noticed until her bank, um, ran out of money to pay her bills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I guess everything, you know, the rent was ticking over on direct debit, the gas and the electricity were ticking by, everything was ticking over and her, you know, bank account was just slowly ticking down. Man, that is, that is pretty spooky. That's fucked up, isn't it? It is, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But right, anyway, let's move on. Uh, number three, my plastic surgery has gone wrong and I need to go and get it fixed. That seems like a fairly unlikely excuse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, because I think that people who have plastic surgery...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, and that stretched face instantly makes you look like either a lizard or, you know, a very fixed age of creepy person, surgery person age. So you know they're not going to be young usually, um, unless they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's give a good example of a woman who has aged really well, okay? Yeaah. And doesn't need plastic surgery. Have you got one? Liz Hurley. Liz Hurley? Do you know how old she is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is fifty. So she's not really very old. Uh, what about Jessica Lange?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jessica Lansbury? Jessica Lange. Murder She Wrote? American Horror Story. The fuck? Have you seen that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Angela Lansbury is, Angela Lansbury is still alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's still going. Bed knobs and broomsticks, motherfucker. Ninety. Wow, she's probably gonna... She's ninety! There's a lot of flaccs! Servings are pretty old, actually. Uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, most of them are dying this year as well. We're just gonna... Well we know, I'm not gonna say we know more, but there are... more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, this is a thing. There are more, we're exposed to, because of the internet and things like this, we are exposed to a larger pool of celebrities than we used to be.