[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when a stranger calls back, like a suspense one. Remember, do you remember that movie when a stranger calls back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember watching that when you were like smaller? Like in your teens or whatever? I went to a sleepover party, okay? Like when I was like 10, okay? Like it was a birthday thing. And the big thing was you always had to rent a horror movie. But you couldn't rent something too gory because your parents would never let you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The movie is a woman alone in a house, okay, and it's like, there's like a fucking thunderstorm outside, of course, like this spooky night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This person keeps phoning, and at first, it's like, he phones up and he's like, oh hey, uh, you know, I live a couple doors down and I'm, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm, I'm on my own or whatever. Is, is Jenny around or something? Like, no, no, Jenny's not here. I'm babysitting. And it starts off all nice and stuff. And then it just progressively gets creepier and creepier. And he's, and he's like, I'm in your house now. And she's like, stop


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everything in it, you know, it's this huge suspense trip and it is like this psychological thing. And it's one of these ones where you're just like the whole time you're just like, I can't look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, oh fuck me, yea, like suspense and horror and stuff is just like not for me at all. I can't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the one where, where she's trying to find him, she knows he's in the house and she can't find him, and then it turns out in the end...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was wearing like, uh, it might have been when a stranger calls back because it sounds so fucking dumb. Like maybe it is when a stranger calls back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then sim- similarly, I remember being in my friend's basement, okay? I was sleeping at his house and we were watching Jerry Springer at like two in the morning, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're, we're just sitting there watching it and you know, it was, it was like talking about like, uh, this, you know, this lover's tiff or whatever. And this girl, Cindy comes on and she's all like, Oh, you know, like we dated a couple of times and he said this and that. And they're like trying to work it out or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like Cindy came out and we're like, holy shit, Cindy's pretty good looking. And so we were watching this and then Springer comes out and he's like, all right everybody, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a twist to this. And you're like, all right, all right, Jerry, what's, what's the twist? And you're like, well, what Gary doesn't know is that Cindy is actually a man. And it was like, it was like, it was that moment. It was the same moment you just described. Me and my friend both like turned our heads, looked at each other, both white as a sheet. We're like, what? This is possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was glorious. That was really good. Holy fuck. Hats off. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, me too. Man, that was so deeply engrossed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast with me, Lewis, Pirian Flax. Hello. And Sips. Hey. How you doing? Hi. So, um, Pirian has new audio setup. Yeaah. I can only hear myself echoing a little bit through his new setup. Yeaah. No, there's no way. You shouldn't, you shouldn't, you shouldn't, honestly you shouldn't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I hate to bother people. So why is that? Is that an English thing? Is that a British thing? You're also English. Is that the thing you've got in your whole life? Cause I, I, we're here to help, we're here to support you, that's the whole point of like, what we do here. Yeah, that's the thing. And you know, I feel like the more we can help you to bed, I get pleasure out of being bothered by people and helping them do stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This morning, uhm, and I looked at Reddit, and the top of Reddit was, uhm, Palace staff called to an emergency meeting, okay, Queen Elizabeth staff called to a highly unusual meeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uhm, so it's obviously like the usual, like, scare of, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Oh right. No. It's just, it's just at the top of Reddit, cause Reddit loves to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I vote up these sensationalist nonsense, but I mean, there is like this interesting sort of thing that comes out of it, right? So when the Queen or, I mean, if the Queen, it might not be the Queen, it might be like someone in the Royal Family or something else, but it's probably nothing. But you know, the Queen is going to die at some point. Okay. And there's, there's this sort of, this sort of unusual sort of way of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy shows have to, like, stop for twelve, twelve days, at least political ones, like, you know, all of the... It's really interesting, like, how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of these strange, it almost like goes back to the 1950s social norms, you know. What do you mean, what do you mean political TV shows have to stop for twelve days? Well like, no, like political, like uhm, like comedy ones, like uh, have I got news for you and stuff like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, there's a thing with gallows humor too, right? Like some people, I'm sure some people were making jokes about, you know, 9-11 as it was happening, you know, and, and because that's how a lot of people, especially sort of in the emergency services, cope with, with this type of thing. So, you know, with people with very high stress jobs, like surgeons and things, and people in hospitals, you see a lot of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's a tie. The thing about Nicholas Cage is that he's always had...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Money problems. He's been so bad with money that he's just had to take on any old shit. And he's still today, you know, he's had to do loads of films every year, just any work that comes along. He's doing, he did seven films in 2016, he's doing seven films in 2017, he's just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's doing more films per year than ever before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, I don't think so, I think he's, he's just, he's a weird guy. Anyway, he sold his Action Comics 1, didn't he, for about 2 million, I read somewhere. Uhm, Action Comics, like the first Superman, is that the first appearance of Superman ever? Maybe. And from like, about the 30s? Was it? Yeah, I think it was, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Geez, well, I mean, I dunno, how are we gonna top that now? I think that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think maybe, maybe, hang on, I'm just trying to get into his mind, maybe he's thinking of Bodega as like a movie, and he sees Nick Cage in so many bad movies, that's why he's in Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always the same, isn't it? Like, people always assume that, that, that, that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Space stuff will be the same as earth stuff, but in space, right? So like, uh, you know, like spaceships are just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like crack, it's like space coffee. Are any of them as good as booty hole because-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So what, the Gorgaflop Queen wants Bodega? Is that the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you listen to any of the stories that we've had today, they bounce around wildly, Sips. It doesn't matter, it's like, just get it out on paper, get your brain down on paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did mention The Rock, right? And one of the best fan theories about The Rock is that Sean Connery, in it, is still playing James Bond? Yeah, I heard that, yeah. And when you watch the movie with that in your mind, you're like, oh my god, it's amazing. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the best way to describe it. It's a good bad meme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh my god. Nice. Holy crap. Well, that is, that's what we've got time for this week, actually, on the Triforce Podcast. Uh, it's been a real good one. I really enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want brain surgeons, so you never have to worry on that front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find it impossible to pleasure a woman. Maybe it was the bike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're on your way to the pub and you see somebody ride by on a bike, you get triggered. No, I gotta go home guys, I gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go vote. Go watch football in the pub. Sniff a flower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, welcome to the Triforce Podcast. That's right, we're back. Two dads, one up and coming dad, big news everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Louis has indeed showered somebody with his men's syrup and is now on course to become a dad. Louis?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A young South American child named Pepsi and it's gonna be incredible. He's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna make Pepsi's wishes come true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on a sec, well I don't know if you wanna like, announce this, but like, I was having a text conversation with you the other day, while I was taking a dump, I don't mind admitting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it the joke that I just made about packing it up and packing it in? And then letting it begin? Cause you came to win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sensory zone. Oh my god. It's the same. They can develop their senses by touching different things. I've been spending this whole time in a jungle gym.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing. He's just created this big thing where he's like, yeah, I fucking say whatever I want to Dave, my personal trainer. I bet you if we met Dave, we're like, Dave, we've heard so much about you. Like, what do you think of Lewis is like, he's very shy in retreating, barely ever talks, socially crippled. I don't know what's wrong with the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stutters a lot, just blushes all the damn time. I can't get a word out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the thing, when they're kids, kids playing console games, they have no standards yet. They aren't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just log on, interact with your fans and stuff, what could possibly go wrong?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's not uncommon. It's traumatic, that's why. There's a lot of shit going on, you're tired, you've been screaming a lot and stuff, like it's natural to forget a lot of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The role of a man in the birth of a child is so strange though, like my experience is obviously very different to my wife's experience of having the child and pushing the child through the birth canal, experiencing a lot of pain, screaming a lot, being tired, being sleep deprived. Me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just logistics constantly, like, can you go to the car and get this? Yep, sure. I'm going. I'd like go to the car, get the thing, come back to the hospital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically all I did, you know, and then you just sort of stand back and watch the baby come out. And then as soon as the baby comes out, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you go to the car again? Yeah, yeah, I'm going. I'll be back in a sec. Sure. Yeah. Diapers? Really? Alright. Okay, yeah, I'll get them. Hang on, they're in the trunk. I know exactly where they are. I got like a system and stuff. The car is like fully loaded with, we have pay cards over here. I don't know if like you've ever heard of these, but they're like scratch cards for like time allocations to park in like parking lots and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so like I had to go back and make sure they were all scratched properly and displayed so that we didn't get a ticket. There's a lot of shit for guys to do during the birth of a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you want these here or in the car? In the car? Okay, I'll go to the car. Yep. Sure, no problem. Take them to the car. Take them home. Sometimes you have to drive a whole bunch of flowers home because like you don't want too many flowers in the hospital. There's a lot of shit for guys to do during the birth of a child. It's crazy. I was good at it though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was really good at all that. Like I look back now and I'm like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I was a great support. Like I did everything. I went and got like sandwiches and teas and... What happened? We were there for a long time, you know, there was no like, nothing like complicated to worry about. You're just there for a long time. I befriended a couple of the staff at the hospital. Like, you know, it's kind of like Norm from Cheers in the end. I just come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I gotta fuckin' refresh my pay cards. Yeah, well, yeah, see you in a bit. Yep, more flowers? Hell yeah, god. Fuckin' non-stop, I gotta take them home, water them, and fuckin', get some sleep and shit. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was exactly the same, but we were more of a well-oiled machine by that point because we'd had the experience of the first one. So it was like, instead of doing like 50 small trips to the car, I'd wait for things to accumulate more. So like I cut my trips in half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I didn't bother befriending anyone from the hospital that time because I was like, I just want to get the fuck out of here. So like, yeah, I really just scaled it all down, but like, uh, man, it was efficient. Like, I think like if the Germans were watching me at the time, they'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fairly common for your first child to be a bit late though, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They threaten to induce as well. And then in my experience, both times, it's like, alright, well, you know, the baby's due. It's, it's a bit overdue. We'll give you a week and then we'll, we'll induce. And we're like, ah shit, an induce? Like we do not want an induce. And then sure enough, three days later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, baby's coming. So it was, it was fine. No induce needed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, yeah. I mean, I don't know, because the baby did not come out of me. But, I mean, I'm sure my wife would probably agree with you on that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the whole, the whole start of the process is like a hormone, isn't it? Like there's a hormone that sort of like signals the baby to say like, come on, fucking. Get the fuck out. Start, start working your way down that canal for Christ's sake already, jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the term birth canal. It's just like a tunnel that they have to just sort of like slither down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird with babies though because like when you see a baby, normally like when you see a baby on TV and like if you've never seen like a baby actually being birthed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might just get stuck and not come out and it kind of hurts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would imagine that it's, giving birth is probably like that times maybe a million. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you got the contractions, you got the pushing, there's techniques for pushing, you gotta do the breathing and stuff, sometimes you can take drugs and whatever, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty, it's pretty involved. But it is a, it is a fucking miracle, like holy shit. It's like, you see it happen, you see this thing come out and you, you, you look at it and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, my, my boys did that, like that's crazy. And it grew and now it's healthy and it's out and it's ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like comes out and they're like all like kinda, you know, their eyes are closed. They're all puffy and mushy and stuff like that. And then, you know, like even a year later, they're like almost walking and stuff. Like the whole, the whole process of a baby becoming a toddler, becoming like a young child is incredible. Like they, they just grow so fucking fast. It's nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice, it's nice, but it's a lot of work, and if you like playing- Yeah, if you like playing video games, here's some advice for you. If you like free time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you like long walks on the beach, if you like playing video games and you enjoy your spare time and your free time and stuff, just don't have kids, honestly, because it all goes away when you have them, when you have a little baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are super demanding and you won't have time to do shit until they're finished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, kids have changed my gaming habits for sure though. Like I can't play games that require like massive amounts of time investment, like wow and stuff like that because I just can't, I can't do it. I can't keep up with the people that I play with. I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't enjoy it the same way I used to when I didn't have kids, when I could wake up like on a Sunday at like noon and fucking just play until, you know, one in the morning or something, you know, I didn't have anything else to do. It does change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good for them too, like, like a lot of people are like, oh, you just like fucking ship your kids off and stuff like that, but it's, it's not like when they get to a certain age where they just don't want to be at home with you all the time. There's not enough for them to do. Yeah, they want to be with their friends, like organized activities, all the shit that basically parents like don't do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they don't have time to do it. Like, fuck me, I'm not organizing like fucking macaroni crafts and shit like that. Like, I've got a fucking car to wash and I've got like fucking, uh, you know, dishes to do and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we were kids, I remember like it was, it was, you know, like during the summer vacation or whatever, like sometimes my dad would have like a week off or whatever, like during summer vacation. And, and if he didn't, we'd, we'd have to like, you know, the neighbor, we'd have to go to like the neighbor's house. Like the neighbor was like the neighborhood babysitter. There was like fucking 20 kids there and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, we were like, we were kinda young, but like not super young. Like I was, I was probably about maybe 11 or 12, so I was just starting to be able to like stay home alone and stuff like that. And so like I didn't have to go over there, but I remember like if my dad was off,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would just be like, he'd wake up in the morning and he'd be like, alright kids, let's go to jumbo video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' Jumbo Video! Shit! We'd like rent fuckin' Nintendo games and like movies and shit. He would just like, he would just get like a week's worth of fuckin' media all rented up for us, ready to go. We'd have like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like five Nintendo games like rented for a week. We'd have like a bunch of movies and shit and that was us. We were just done and we were like pretty happy. We never got bored because we'd just play like fucking DuckTales and like Bionic Commando and like all these games that like I never actually considered asking for like for Christmas or whatever but they were great to rent and just play for a couple of days and stuff. And we were set. It was fucking awesome. Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were pretty small, I think we were like 8 or 9, and uhm, we had like Nintendos and stuff like that, but it was, it was limited, you know, it wasn't something that we were allowed to just fucking play to death, like at that age sort of thing, you know, like, it was definitely sort of the kind of thing, it was like, mom, can I, can I play Nintendo for like an hour after dinner, and it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was called Fireball Island, okay? It was this gigantic...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, it was an island and it was like, it was made of like, you know, plastic or whatever, but it's this huge board and it was like this mountain that led up and there was an idol at the top of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We fuckin' played that game like to fuckin' death and we like made up our own rules for it and everything and it was, it was awesome. It was this huge fuckin' box like my friend's mom would have to like drive him over to my house cause there's this big fuckin' box with Fireball Island in it and stuff but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to do shit like that with uh, we, we had Star Wars Monopoly, but we'd combine boards, so like we'd com- we'd combine the board at like, the free parking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So like, so the go, the go of the second board would overtake like the free parking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you could choose to go around again if you wanted to, like, if you were trying to, like, snipe, like, different planets that you wanted to buy or whatever. Or you could go down and around, like, the other board and come out, like, so it was like a figure eight sort of thing. We had, like, all these extra rules for it, but it was the same. Like, we'd go to, like, my friend's house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There'd be like 10 of us, we'd like, we'd just be in his basement all night just fucking playing this game like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really fun though. It was really good. We'd play that and we'd have wrestling on in the background all the time. It was like, like Monday Night Raw or like, uh, Royal Rumble. You know, some of those like went on for hours too, so we could watch like two or three of them, like all night sort of thing. It was, it was really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being a kid was awesome because nobody had shit to do, right? Like, there's no, you had no responsibilities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I, I, we, we did a lot of that, like we, we, we never played like super hardcore board games, like, like we never played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, like, I never played like any like Dungeons and Dragons, nothing like that. Like it was always like, HeroQuest was something that we played a bit of, but actually we just painted the models more than actually playing the game, which is pretty fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We always like invented like additional rules to make the games like run longer or last longer or like you'd have to do like, you know, like marathon games where you had to like go around the board five times and stuff like that or whatever. Like we just add like little rules just to make it more interesting or make it fit better to what like, you know, what we were doing at the time and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes it more fun though, it's more interesting, like, if you just play that, you know, if you just play Monopoly the way it was designed to be played, it's fun enough, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, it just spices it up a bit if you add, like, more to it. You know, like, cause in Monopoly, for example, you're not allowed to, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really, like, wheel and deal that much, right? Like, if you played it straight out of the box, according to the rules, everybody just, like, gets their properties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, somebody will just eventually win, but like we were, we were always like lending each other money or stealing money from each other or like fucking just like making these like crazy like bids like, Oh fuck. Okay. I need part. If you give me fucking park place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I promise I won't charge you rent like three times if you land on this and we'll fuck over Tim over here because he's fucking, he's an asshole and you know, like there was always like these like shady deals and stuff and it made it like super interesting and like, uh, it was really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, speedruns I guess is like sort of the, maybe the modern day equivalent. Cause you can't, you can't necessarily like mod or change Mario 64.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is insane. Do you guys remember the Game Genie? Do you remember that thing? Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was so funny, it was like a cartridge that you attached a cartridge to and then you put it in the Nintendo and it would like stick out by like a meter of your Nintendo. But like, you could make Mario jump like super high or like, just like constantly swim and stuff, there were all these codes, oh fuck, it was hilarious. Such a weird fucking thing, but it just felt like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It felt so broken as well, like the amount of times it would just like cause your game to, to like crash and you have to reset the console and stuff. I remember the book. I remember the big phone book with all the codes in it. And sometimes you'd be looking through and you're like, Oh fuck, I hope like this, this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird obscure game that my grandma got me for Christmas last year is in here so that I can like, you know, just get like some extra play out of it or whatever. And like, it never was. It was just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Designed off arcade games originally, right? So they were, you know, they were designed to be, you know, quarter guzzlers sort of thing, you know, like they were hard as hell. They, you know, they were, they were really designed for you to play for about 10 minutes before you died. So you have to put more quarters and stuff like that. And like all the early NES games were like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, these gigantic like with cutscenes and big stories and stuff like that, you know, they were like all platformers. They were all like pretty, pretty challenging, pretty unforgiving and stuff like that. It's just like such a weird time, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when that's all you played when you were a kid, like, you're super fond of like those memories. Like, you guys ever play the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So bizarre. It was so weird. I remember coming home from school one day and we'd just gotten an NES. Like we'd gotten back from a trip. We'd driven from Ottawa to Vancouver to see my grandparents. Okay. Damn. We drove all the way across. Yeah. We drove both ways. So we drove out there in an old car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we left the old car in Vancouver, like to dump it because my grandpa bought a new car and was going to give us his old car. But because he was like an old grandpa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His old car was basically brand new because he drove it like, you know, once a year and it was, it was in good condition and stuff, but like we needed a new car and that's how we were going to get a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's four and a half thousand kilometers. So on the way home, we drive down through the US, like, like, like the Northern US through like all like the Dakotas and like those really like sort of Fargo East States or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back then, the exchange rates for the Canadian dollar and the US dollar meant that like, it was really beneficial going down to the US to buy stuff. It was like, it was just much cheaper to get like, you know, a Nintendo, Nintendo games, clothes, all that kind of shit. So we drove back through the US the whole way back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're driving home, we stop at a mall like somewhere in the US, and we got a Nintendo, and so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole way home, I'm like, fuck, we got Nintendo in the trunk, I can't wait to get home and play it. Like, I was super excited, I was a little kid. Finally got home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had like Duck Hunt and Mario with like the light gun and everything and I just like played the shit out of them. I loved it. It was crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then went back to school and stuff. This is after like the summer vacation, went back to school, came back from school one day and my mom was home and she was playing Kid Icarus. I was like, whoa, shit, mom, you got like a new game. Like this is back when like the Nintendo first came out. So like all the games were sold out. It was like this huge thing. There was nothing. And Kid Icarus came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So my mom buys this game thinking like, oh yeah, we got a new Nintendo game for the kids and they can play it and stuff. So I get home from school and she's playing it. I was like, oh mom, this fucking new game. What is this? Like Kid Icarus? What, what the fuck is? Mom, this fucking game. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it was just fucking strange. And that was a game that I just had in my Nintendo library forever. I think I played it like maybe once. Like, and like my mom was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one seems kind of cool. It's an angel and he shoots a bow and arrow and stuff and like literally I played it for like five minutes and I was like, this game is just fucking awful. Oh man. And then there was cheat codes though. There was cheat codes that made you invincible so you could play through the whole thing. That's the only way I played through it. That was a waste of time. And it was just garbage. It was just fucking terrible. Like it was just really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I don't know, I guess like games have just come a long, long, long, long, long, long, long way from Kid Icarus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, something new that's happened to me recently is I bought two Amazon Echoes featuring Alexa herself who, I have one in the dad garage, she just is in here so I can like listen to music and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said her name. Yeah, I know. And so she's just sometimes talks to me and stuff and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're pretty cool. Like my son loves it. Okay, like he thinks it's like a new member of the family. So like he's in the kitchen and he's just like, Alexa, why do we poo? And Alexa's just like, I don't know. Alexa!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do monsters, are monsters real? She's like, I can't help you with that. And like, there's all this stuff. But like, he knows how to get her to play songs now. Uhm, you can get her to sing like Happy Birthday, so he constantly has her singing Happy Birthday and stuff. And it's just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before he goes to bed, he's like, wait, I gotta go downstairs and say goodnight to Alexa. It's like, yeah, it's, it's, it's pretty cute, but like, it's pretty neat. Like it just feels like my house is like a future house now. You know, I, I just walk in, I'm like, Alexa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking, what's on the news? And then she just like, starts playing the BBC news, and stuff, and, uh, it's great, I like it. I really like it. It's like, a bit frivolous, but pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. There's like a whole bunch of like little like Easter eggs. So like that's one of them. Um, you can ask her if she's Skynet and she like, she denies like any knowledge of Skynet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can ask her if she's working for the FBI and she just says like, no, I'm just an AI from amazon.com. Like she's got some funny responses to like weirder questions and stuff, but then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. No, it's cool. I'm glad, I'm glad I got them. Like I guess it's one of those things where it feels a little bit limited in the things that you can do, but there's already, there's like people are adding things to it. Like these things that you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife asked it something the other day and it gave like the dumbest answer or it was just, it was just not a very like good answer sort of thing. And then my wife was like, that was terrible. And then she was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It's just, it's just funny. It's like, I guess it's like a bit of a novelty, but it's just, it's just funny entering a room and just barking a command and then this little fucking cylinder just does stuff. Like it just, it is just hilarious. Like I know I could just sit there and type something into my computer and get the answer or whatever, but there's just something funny about like talking to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you're probably right. In like 10, 20 years, probably every fucking house will just come with one by default built into like the fucking framework of the house and it'll be everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you, you probably won't, there probably won't be knobs for anything ever again. You probably like walk into a room like lights on, turn on the shower, rub my balls. Like they'll just be like little arms. Like it'll be like Pee Wee Herman's house. Like you just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like Wallace and Gromit or something, you know, like everything will just be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I don't, I'm not looking forward to the day where she just stops responding or whatever and then my kids start crying and I have to get another one. But hopefully that day never comes because they are like pretty attached to her surprisingly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's just such a, like my son was like, does she have eyes? Like no, she's just a fucking cylinder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's a little kid, he's very like soft spoken as well. Right, right. And a little bit timid too, like he felt like a bit embarrassed speaking to Alexa like the first time, so he'd be like, Alexa?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, she can't hear it. And, and he's like, I don't think she likes me. He's like, no, no, you just gotta speak up. You gotta be loud. You're like, she, you have to like command it sort of thing. So, so then I'm like, Alexa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, yeah, my wife's, my wife's dad is like a real like, he's French and like just fucking loves meat. Like everything he has, has meat in it. So if we have a barbecue, he brings his own barbecue over and just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I'll say it again, Flax. You have a gift, my friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just thinking like, 20 years time or whatever, uhm, when Alexa is fitted into everybody's homes and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and Bodega has become a hit series of books that started off as a bunch of short stories on a podcast or whatever, you know, and a new like part comes out every week or whatever. Somebody will get home to their house one day and they'll walk into their house and they'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say that you're more like the stick man from bug's life rather than a gnome's gnome fellow. Played by Niles Craig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A really authentic experience though, because like, from what I know of India, I've never been to India, but it's a very crowded place, you know, like you see, you see documentaries about like the trains in that country, and there's people like on the roof of the train and hanging out the windows and stuff, and like, it just seems- There's a billion people in India, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it just seems like it's a ram-packed country, and everywhere that you could possibly ever go in India, you probably don't have a lot of personal space. There's probably somebody up in your space all the time, like shoved up next to you or smushed up behind you or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, I, I don't know about you guys, but like, I went to a store one time and I, I bought something and I bought a couple of things, okay? Like, as you do. So I go to this store, I buy a couple of things. Please, do go home. Yeah, well, I'm just getting to the interesting part. I buy a couple of things, you know, I got, bought some lube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple of dildos, you know, some johnnies and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was like the, um, it was like the pharmacy section. So I get up to the cash register.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's this guy, he's working the cash, he seems like a pretty nice guy. He puts my stuff through and he's like, you gonna need a bag for this? And I was like, yeah, please. I'll always take a bag. I don't want to be that guy that has just like a mountain of stuff like in his arms fumbling around and dropping shit and stuff. So I was like, yeah, I'll take a bag. And he's like, you know, these are really bad for the environment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, stores have started charging now for bags, right? And it's like 5p for a bag or you can like upsize or supersize to the 10p bag, which is like a bag for life or whatever. And it's just a bigger bag that is just as bad as the small bag, but it's a little bit bigger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep this bag for life. Reuse this bag for life and stuff. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I will reuse this bag for life. But actually sometimes I forget to bring my bags for life with me everywhere I go. So I end up accumulating more bags for life. And now I literally have a closet in my house. It's just filled with these fucking bags for life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I can't get rid of them. I feel bad for throwing them away. I had to like pay ten pence for each one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the old way of just giving us bags and us just chucking the bags away was better somehow than accumulating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A billion bags for life that I never seem to remember to take with me or whatever. You know, like sometimes you go to the grocery store and you see, you see that, you see like an old lady who just has like all the time in the world to have like one of those fucking thatch bags with a couple of other bags in it and she's all super organized. Some people like bring boxes with them and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck me, like I never take bags with me when I go to the store, like I don't have time for that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How am I supposed to remember to get these bags and take them into the store with me? Like, I think that's a- I mean, maybe because your kids are older, flax, you have a bit more time to think about this stuff or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what kind of plastic bag did it come in? Was it a bag for life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So your normal brand has become a rarity, and it's kind of like a fine wine. You know, you want to bust those out for special occasions now. So you're now on special occasion rationing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, are you gonna take one to PDXCon? Just to like, cause that's a special occasion? Just stand by a river at night, stare out longingly in Sweden and just be like, good knowing you custard flavor vape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think, well, I mean, come on, I think you should be excited about the future, Flax, because, you know, who knows, you might find something that's way better than custard. I know it's hard to believe right now, but you might find something, you might find like chocolate twisty tootie fruity or something like that, and it might blow your dick off. And you might just think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's this been all my life? I wasted all this time on custard. You shouldn't have been smoking it up your ass. You could have been getting, yea, you could have been getting fucking, yea, shotguns up your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, hey, on the topic of taste test, you know, like there's always these shows where it's like, we could save you lots of money on your average weekly shop by, by cutting out the big brands and going for like the, you know, the cheaper brands and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The discount shampoo and then, you know, they use the shampoo and they're like, this is definitely not my shampoo. I can tell my hair feels disgusting. It's all dry. It's knotted. This never happens when I use my own shampoo. And then the big reveal at the end is always like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys, did you guys feel like you could pass one of those tests? Because I feel like I, I feel like I'm above it, right? I feel like I'm like, I know like the kind of catch up that I like and I would be able to tell the difference and stuff. But sometimes I doubt myself and I think maybe I couldn't tell the fucking difference between


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll not go out of my way or like really be overly insistent, but I'll, I'll grab it for before sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's three things off the top of my head, definitely. Okay. And so my top three is Heinz ketchup. I'll always grab Heinz ketchup before any other ketchup. I don't know if it's because that's all we had, like when I was a kid or something, or if it's like a taste thing or whatever. But if I see Heinz ketchup, I'm just like, yeah, just give me Heinz ketchup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same with Heinz baked beans, okay, like I, you know, there's all these other brands of baked beans, like the co-op brand baked beans and like Tesco and whatever. I see what you mean. And stuff. But like, if I see Heinz, I'll just be like, oh yeah, Heinz are better. I'll, I'll grab them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other one is Special K. Like, like the actual Kellogg's brand Special K.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will get over some other brand of, you know, the exact same cereal that's not called Special K. Like rice and wheat puffs or whatever they're called.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is though, is that I don't know if I actually love Heinz Ketchup though, that's what I'm trying to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing else tastes like coke. They're kind of so trapped in your psyche. Coke is the one, like, I even did like the Coke and Pepsi challenge and I passed with flying colors. Like, I can tell a coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we had like RC Cola in North America and that actually tasted like urine. And then Pepsi tastes like a watered down Coke to me. Like it tastes like a bit more syrupy or something. I don't know what it is. But like Coke I can always tell for some reason. It's like I don't know what they do to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's like cause for concern. What do they actually do to it? It's a secret recipe. Yeah. That secret recipe is... It's just too good. Fuck me, I don't know what's in it, but... But yeah, I feel like maybe I'm a bit brainwashed somehow, like about the whole ketchup thing. You do it great. With certain brands, like, they're just like go-to things, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, at the same time, it's just ketchup. I mean, I grew up in North America, so I fucking put ketchup on everything. Like, absolutely everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, the fucking process for making baked beans is crazy. You should see, have you ever seen a baked bean factory before? Like they're nuts. I would love to. Oh my god. Like it's actually worth looking up. It's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a marvel of like, engineering and automation and everything else. It's nuts. The shit that they do to those beans and the amount of beans that they produce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other countries, maybe they like pasta. Our country, beans on toast. That could be like an English thing as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brilliant, brilliant movie. The chocolate bar? Not so much. It's always forgotten. Oh, I love a bounty. You kidding? Bottom of the celebrations package. Oh man, I love a bounty. Just bounties left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have everything, so now that we've got everything, we complain about really, really dumb, mediocre shit. Like the size of a bag of minstrels. Yeah, like we're constantly fed. We, you know, we never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're never like going hungry. We have like all the, all the electricity and heating that we need. Like all the, all the basics are covered, right? Yeah. In abundance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're very comfortable. We have all these machines that can do shit for us now as well. And so, yeaah, so that's what happens then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all like, it's all relative to the period that you live in, but I think, I think you're right. I think people are just destined to always be unhappy. Like nothing is ever enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, there's always like a part of the population that's content with things, right? And then there's people who think that we can always do better. But like the motivations behind that are varied as well too, right? Like some people will push the envelope because they think that it'll make them rich or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people do it for other reasons, I guess, mainly just because they think it's gonna make them rich, I guess. Yeaah. Yeaah, it's a weird one. But I think it's just- It's a weird one!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Human nature, I think that's, I think that's just a part of us that will never, will never kick, you know? Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So somebody yesterday commented on my, on my, uh, grotesque facial hair. Cause every once in a while I just, I don't shave. And I go for weeks without doing it. And I develop a huge neck beard, it looks gross, it's like all patchy and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But one thing about my mustache is that it doesn't connect in the middle, you know, the bit underneath like your, your nose, like the nostril separator part of your nose, that thing. Right. Whatever that is. Uhm, no hair grows on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like Moses is like parting my mustache at all times. He's just in there just holding it down. So I have this like, like a no man's land in between my, my mustaches. I have like two separate mustaches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And somebody yesterday said it's like a jigsaw piece puzzle where Hitler's mustache fits in where I don't have mustache. It's like, like me and Hitler could form like Voltron to form like one full mustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's got like the little mustache and then I've got like the two side mustaches. Right, I see. I thought it was interesting and then it made me think maybe I would form like Voltron with Hitler but at the same time I don't really like Hitler that much so I don't really want to form with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I find that game just excellent. It's super addictive. I really, really enjoy it, yeah. I like everything about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many businesses out there on a daily basis fail? It's probably a staggering amount, right? Like, there's like a lot of people at startup businesses that get loans from banks and stuff, startup businesses, they think they have a good idea or they think they have a good market or whatever and things just don't work out for whatever reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they close. It's weird though, right? Because you think like, you think of, if you're at work, if you're at like a nine to five job and you're thinking, fuck, I would love to just work for myself. I just want to go work for myself, do something like for myself, start a business or whatever. And you think that like, when you do that, once you've done that, cause it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know where to start sometimes and then you finally do it, okay, and you start a start up a business and you think that you've made it. But man, you're like, it's nothing is nothing is guaranteed, right? Like you, you might be in business for like a month and then fucking it just doesn't work out. And then you just have to fucking fold and you've lost a lot of money and you have to go back to work or whatever. Like it's crazy to think that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many businesses start up and fail and then the ones that like, the ones that are super super big and super like profitable and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are, are just, are businesses that have been around for so fucking long, you know, like a lot of like the big corporations and stuff have just been around since like the great depression and stuff like that. And like year after year, they just continually make more money and stuff. But like, I don't know, like if you were to start a business right now. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even five years, five years is a long time to run something for it to fail then, right? Like, you're doing something for five years and you think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I going to be doing this for the rest of my life? Am I not? Like it's a little bit touch and go, sometimes I don't know sort of thing. And then after five years, like, oh shit, I've got a full like nothing going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was talking to the guy at, they've got like ice cream trucks over here, right? Right. So you can buy a whip, you can buy a whippy. It's like just like a, you know, like an, like an ice cream cone sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we just like get the time off, like the uhm, the bank just gives us a loan to cover us over the winter. Wow. And then we pay it back in the summer because we're so fucking busy. So basically they work for like three months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get on it. Like, make your own tunes in that time. You know, get fucking, use some of your profits from the summer to open up a studio and get some fucking DJ equipment or whatever and make your own ice cream truck tunes. There must be a business of people supplying them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotta be shit like that. There's gotta be resources out there for ice cream men. Like, how do you do it? Like, where do you even fucking start? Like, who even has that fucking idea? Like, that's the kind of thing though that's passed down from, like, other generations. Somebody had the bright idea of doing that. It's Italians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to have these things when I was growing up. It was called, the company was called Dicky D and it was like, okay, it was an ice box that was mounted like onto, it was a big ice box. It was like, you know, like one of those like chest freezers that you like put in your basement in, in like North America or whatever. You don't get them so much over here. It was like one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Painted yellow, okay, with a sign mounted on top of it that showed you all the ice cream that you could get. Okay, and it was mounted onto like a push bike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was one of those jobs that you could get when you were like 11 or 12 or whatever, you know, when you, you just needed like some, some pocket money or whatever, sort of like delivering the papers or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you could get a job with Dicky D and you could bike around and they had bells and so like we'd be sitting down to like eat our dinner or whatever. I was like fucking seven years old at the time and you just hear outside like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's this fucking like acne covered teenagers just fucking peddling this fucking freezer chest all over your neighborhood and everybody would run outside and you'd go and you'd pick up and it wasn't like, it wasn't like fresh ice cream that like was dispensed or whatever right, it was just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a little package. Just a bunch of, yeaah. Yeaah, just like, like walls, cornetos and stuff like that, you know, all the packaged shit. So you'd like pick what you want. And like there used to be all these like novelty ones. Like I remember like there was this big fluffy baseball glove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, at the same time, you gotta be crazy to come up with that idea, I think. You're a genius. You gotta be pretty ballsy to like, pour money into that and make it work as well, I think, cause I would never do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought I could like, open up a pet store, okay? There's no pet stores around here, but there's like lots of dogs and cats and shit and they always need stuff, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was more of a sure thing, like I got to a point where I was earning enough to comfortably do it and not be too stressed out about it. You know what I mean? Like, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, anything like that, like hospitality, like you nowadays, you, you, you're depending on things like trip advisor and like, um, you know, like Expedia, fucking reviews and shit like that. And it's like, it's, it, it, I think it's probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] easier to market than it's ever been, but it's probably harder to get people to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, listen, we're talking a lot about restaurants, hotels, retail as well. One thing that Jersey does not have, this is where I live, is, are you ready?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sure you want to tell this secret? It's another one that I've thought of. Okay. But I don't, wouldn't even know where to start with this one. Okay. Right. So we need some help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How, how hard would it be to rent out some, some, some kind of place close to the airport? Okay. There's no hotels by the airport over here either, which I find kind of weird, but the airport is kind of in the middle of nowhere out here as well. And it's not like a huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's not massively traveled, you know, it's not like Gatwick or something, right? There's not millions of people passing through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You come here and then you leave sort of thing. You don't, you don't go on to somewhere else from here. It's not like a stopover or anything. So like, so already I'm sort of thinking like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old. And they wanna, they wanna visit like some family or something. So they're not gonna be going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other people have thought about this and have talked themselves out of it as well because actually up by the Jersey airport is not a good site for a strip club. And I don't think I could in a million years make it work, but for argument's sake, let's say I did make it work and I opened up a strip club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I called it like, I dunno, fucking pervularies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How would I hire strippers? Like what do you have to audition or something? Where do I find these people that are willing to do this? How do I control like drunken pervy randy men from like touching


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It always is, yeaah. It's gentrification, man. It's been gentrified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, that would raise alarm bells with me. If somebody was super willing to have sex with me after I hired them to work at my strip club, I'd be like, well, they can have sex with the Johns. Like, and if she's like up for it with me straight away, she's going to be having sex with the Johns on the side for money. And then I'm going to get shut down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the strip club. I, I, I've co- I know, but the thing is, the people that are going into business, into like, into the stripping business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Already know that they're gonna be doing illegal shit. So like, I think that the people that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a great weekend, y'all. Yeah, have a good one. Or a nice Wednesday when you listen to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But have a shit Sunday. Cause fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I always thought that I'm too scared to shave my balls because they're really hairy and I always think, you know, there's going to be some cutting or something. But if you're going for surgery and they have to shave your balls, I think that's the best chance that you have to maintain shaved balls, right? Because they're already shaved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, yeah. That's what it comes down to. Any extra stuff that the NHS has to do is just money down the toilet, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like your, like your cletus sperm. He's still like lurking around, like, you know, threatening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you can shoot him and I think if you put like a plate at the bottom of the feeder and then you hang it like on a wire or something like that they can't get to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Squirrels are like a big problem when you're trying to feed birds for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they're aggressive too. Did you ever see that video of the squirrel attacking somebody? Like, not full on attacking, but chasing after them? Like, oh, they are so untrustworthy squirrels. Wait, why does Lewis like them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not, they're twitchy, their eyes are like wide open, they look sketchy as fuck all the time, like, they're not, they're not nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My daughter's going through this like weird, um, period of emotional development now and she just cries all the time for like, and not, it's not like, like tantrum crying, it's just like sort of like whimpering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should just start crying. It's only a rock, you don't have to cry. So now, it's almost like the boy who cried wolf now, because she's been crying so much recently, it doesn't affect either of us now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like they could go into room 101 easy. Like fucking nobody likes squirrels. They're stupid. They're stupid and useless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that guy can, you know what, if that guy loves him so much, why doesn't he open up his house and all the squirrels can go live there with him? And then he'd be doing the rest of the human race a favor because nobody else likes squirrels. It could be like Ace Ventura, but only squirrels. Good, good call. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blast from the past. Are you sure? No. It's the only Brendan Fraser movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've only seen the original Jurassic Park, I've never seen any of the other movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like about an hour into The Quiet Place and then I just refused to go because I didn't want to miss anything because I was like, fucking super invested. But yea, I know what you mean. Some movies, you're just like, I probably won't. Like I went to, I took my son to a birthday party and they went to see Ferdinand, the animated movie. I peed like three times during that movie. It was fine, I didn't miss much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like checking my phone every sort of 20 minutes to see what time it was and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, just thinking about like how, how I'd go about shaving my balls and thinking of some DIY tasks around the house and how I was going to tackle them like later on in the weekend and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How would you rate it against, like, um, Rogue One and, and like the other, the other new movies? Like, do you think it's the worst of all the new movies? Or do you think it's somewhere in the middle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could kinda get away with, you know, a bit of rehashing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but I think you're up front with people. I don't think you leave them in the dark. I think at the start you say, listen, you're writing a script, and I've got two other people writing scripts as well, and at the end we're gonna pick the one that we like the best. So, just so you know, at the end of this, we might not use your script, but we'll still pay you for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that doesn't. That's- I think that that's just being-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so you're, so, so you think that not telling them that it's a competition and then them potentially wasting all of their time as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if somebody told me ahead of time that that might happen, then at least I'd be ready for it. But if I found out at the end...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, but it's, it's up to the guy who's like, like commissioning it all and directing it, right? Like if he wants to do it, or maybe he just thinks one cut's like overall just better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's weird when you, when you make like, you know, if you're editing a movie from start to finish and it takes you a year, right? And then you, you send your, your cut through and somebody says, you know what, parts of this are good, but we're not going to use it. We're going to use Jimmy's instead because this is way better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, I think you gotta sort of be ready for that sort of stuff in that capacity to begin with because you're never gonna do something perfect no matter how much you think it's going to be perfect or it is perfect because you're always at the mercy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's gonna be the least expected thing prob- prob- probably that you thought uhm, you know, oh I've done this but like it's not gonna go anywhere and then that turns out to be like the big breakout thing that everyone's like oh fuck this is incredible sort of thing and you didn't expect it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you have that sort of mindset, you set yourself up a lot better to not be devastated every time something doesn't go your way. Cause I think a lot of people do that, right? They put their heart and soul into something and they expect that it's just gonna go somewhere and be something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life doesn't really work like that at all, does it? Like, you have to sort of take everything as an experience, learn from it, just do better next time, and then usually when you least expect it, something pays off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They shaved your balls and they put you back on a bus that was working and then the bus broke down. Okay. And then that one broke down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a really good sort of summary of the podcast. It's so good that he's decided to go to the toilet halfway through it. Do you reckon he's shaving his balls in there? He might be, he might be trying to shave. Yeah. There's been a lot of hints on like good ways to shave your balls. So maybe he's just couldn't wait to try them out. He's just got to try to shave his balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never had a bad bus experience. Really? Yeaah, I think the worst bus experience I've had, and it's not even that bad, was it was, it was in Canada, it was really cold, it was like minus 15 out, and it was snowing and stuff, and the heaters on the bus weren't working as well as they could, so the bus was kind of cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was like a little bit uncomfortable to sleep on the bus for the hour and a half that I was on the bus for. But I still managed to fall asleep anyway and then it was fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's it, that's the worst one I've got, yeaah. I've never had to like yell at anyone or do anything. Oh, one time this guy was standing, you know when the bus is like super busy? Right. This guy was standing really close to me and he had track pants on and the smell that was coming off of his track pants was like nothing I've ever smelled before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be something like that. I think that's it. I think that's what he's doing. It's kinda clever when you think of it. Cause, you know, if you don't want people to approach you ever, or stand right up in your, in your space, don't watch. And people won't. And then go post on fucking arse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really funny. And I was reading a bit about, you know, how they conceived the show and how they were writing for it. And apparently,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The writing team had to attend local town hall meetings, quite a few of them too in smaller towns, just to get a feel for the kind of things that come up in these town hall meetings. And what they found consistently was that the only people that ever went to these meetings


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said that it was just almost like a comedy goldmine, like the people were nuts, like they would turn up. It's like on the show, you know, sometimes you get that, like the woman who's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just these really stupid things, but they said that a lot of it was influenced by them having to go on site and witness some of these town hall meetings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched the one yesterday with the sweetums, you know what the- with the- with the super sweet fructose and they're trying to get the deal for the park. And the woman's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, but sometimes I think there's, there's definitely a line there where that you have to tread carefully because if he's out and about and he's still doing things by himself, he just wants to be treated like everybody else, right? So maybe he wants his past be checked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents are like that too. It's like a badge of honor. Like, okay, great. Just put a big sign on your head that says I'm fucking old and I can get into places half price. Great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, so if you haven't had the memo from that angry bus driver that he's gonna be on the road today. Stay off, stay safe. Consider this a warning. Don't, don't, yeaah, stay safe, don't drive. And, uhm, and god bless you. And, uh, we've been, we've been us, you've been you, and see you next time I guess. Are we done? Yeaah, that sounds good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Yog Tours, back when Terps did that, it's kind of like, the idea was that I need to play a new game every day, right? And to force myself to play different new games, I've made a channel where I report to my audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, so, he is this weird guy, right? He's, he's in England, he's from England, he's got this sort of sexy voice. No, he doesn't have a sexy voice. He sounds like David Beckham, but you think he's foreign because of it, right? Because he's got this sort of speech impediment. That's how he talks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. He's got a wide head. But sometimes, like, just looking weird, I mean, I don't think he's an unsuccessful man with the ladies, because he's alright looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like this is a very, very strange like whole sphere of, of stuff, right? So first of all, like the problem I have a little bit is, is, is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of, sometimes, I guess this stuff does work, right? On certain types of people, but it's not sustainable, okay? Like, as soon as someone realises that you've run out of lines that you've read out of this book or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it like Titanic? Have you seen the movie Titanic? Do they have like a chandelier ballroom where they all dress up in their Sunday best?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's particularly the norovirus that spreads through in crews. Because everyone has these communal eating places and also you're kind of trapped, right, in small cabins, sharing facilities. It's like a school or something where you're very trapped together and you can't stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's just like poorly paid food workers who have to go to work because otherwise they're not going to be able to, you know, live and they're not very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and they're willing to be in a successful TV show and marry a balding guy from England, Joey, you know, like, you know, there's a very specific list of requirements, you know, if they want to learn Norwegian and marry, you know, whatever, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all very improper. It's a real, sometimes really awkward situation you end up in where people don't laugh at the right times or do laugh when you don't expect it. It's really weird, but great, like to have that suddenly feedback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also it's kind of off putting in a sense, like it sometimes does cloud your head and you start like, it's like you can see how people freeze up as well in these situations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's done this stuff loads of times. Exactly. And honestly, I think he was a really, I think the valve is great at this. They're very, very good at taking, like, a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I remember that. Fucking hell, so we haven't heard really what Sips has been doing for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys may have heard, uh, about my competitor. Crazy Eddie and his ambulances. Here at Vinny's ambulances, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get, I get, I got a pair that is like matches my skin exactly, so like it looks like I'm not wearing them. Like a skin suit? Yeah. Gross. So it's fine. Well it's not that gross, it's comfortable. Yeah. It keeps me warm as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, yeaah, we'd all be singing from the same hymn sheet and we'd all be getting a helicopter view of the situation and, um, you know, make sure that we're all on the same page and stuff like that, you know, like all the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's, he used to wear like a, like a suit and stuff to work, cause he was like, uhm, he used to work in, he used to work in IDENT, which was like, he used to have to take pictures of dead people and stuff like that. But he had to wear a suit to do it, he didn't wear a uniform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, fantastic. Why, why, I'm sure I've asked this before, but man, why are people so interested? Like, why would you go to a political rally and, you know, be for somebody, like for Trump or like, you know, not, not even just Trump. I'm not, I'm not bashing on Trump. Like I, like I, I really, I just don't care. I just can't imagine being that passionate about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aren't amazing, right? Like there's always room for improvement, there's always room for change or whatever. And I can imagine going to a rally and being like, oh come on, let's change this, I don't like this, it's not working for like me or a couple of people. I can't imagine going to a rally and being like, no! Leave it the way it is! It's fine!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm interested enough in politics and, and like complaining about politics in, in, in private sort of thing. But man, I don't, I don't understand like people who are like really politically active and stuff like that. And I'm a bit dubious of people who are very politically active because I always feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, bigger fry, I guess, like in the, in the, in the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get a sense for people too, right? Like if you see somebody coming and their point of view is really just black and white and that's it, you know what I mean? Like there's no gray area anywhere to explore. That sort of like puts my back up a little bit and then I will try to poke holes and like sort of play devil's advocate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, the thing with Cine though is I've played like a lot of Dota with him and stuff in the past and he is like, uh, he is an optimist, right? Like, you know, like when all the cards are down and you know you're gonna, like there's a hundred percent chance that you are just gonna get fucked. Oh, we never give up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you getting mad at him for playing devil's advocate in that situation is simply because it just feels fucking bad to lose against smurfs. People you know are, you know, miles ahead of you skill wise. Right, right. In the wrong bracket, just absolutely handing it to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't help but feel frustrated. So it doesn't matter really that, that Sydney was playing Devil's Advocate. You were probably just frustrated at losing, uh, like a hopeless game. Like, you know, everything was stacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I, I, I have a bad day, you know, I've lost a couple of Dota games or whatever. Hell yea, they're going to bed early. Hell, hell no, they're not eating their dinner. Like that, I'm, you know, we're, we're, we're wrapping this up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of those things that it's not, it's not that it was amazing hike, it's just something that you feel good that you talk about and tell people about, right? It's not that it was actually at all fun or enjoyable, you just feel like you're a better person because you did it and you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's coming back to what Lewis is saying about people thinking that we might like hate each other and stuff. It's, it's a weird one because we've-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys even started doing YouTube, remember? We'd be up like all night raiding and, you know, we played like OpenTTD a bit, like. It's literally 10 years of playing this shit. Yeah, we have a long, a long...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, glorious rapport with each other through games, right? So like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think a lot, I think, not a lot of people, but, you know, like, I think on average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friendships through, through games and stuff like that. So, so maybe, maybe from those people's perspective, it seems like, you know, any, any sort of disagreement might mean, holy shit, these guys are like on the outs or whatever, but it is, it's such a natural part of like having a friendship through gaming, right? Like, you know, like even, even rating and wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was nuts, but like, I mean, I guess at the same time, like, you sort of have to be like that when you have, especially back in vanilla with like 40 people rating and stuff, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've done well and that you've won. You know, like you have an evening of Dota and you might play two or three games and that's probably all you have time to do in an evening sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you think, okay, I'm ready. And then you have like three just disgusting stomping losses. And you're like, fuck, why did I play this game tonight? Why did I spend my time? I could have done something else that might've been more enjoyable. And the thing is you probably did enjoy it, but it just feels bad losing, doesn't it? Like it always just comes down to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, for the most part, you know, you're just like, donations, especially when they're read out, you know, if somebody really has something to say to you, uhm, that, you know, that's an, well yea, that's an easier way than just sifting through, you know, reams and reams of Twitch chat sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what you mean about streaming though, and you forget, sometimes you forget that you're streaming, but I like that as well, like I found, like I, so like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I changed my stream around a little bit recently, whereas before if a sub came in or a donation came in, I would say thank you straight away. And then it got to the point where I felt like every stream, all I was doing was thanking people constantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then go, like I'll be back tomorrow and I'll be playing the game again. And then everybody who does want to stick around and listen to shout outs and stuff like that, like I have a different screen that I go to and then, and then I spend like five or 10 minutes just going through thanking everybody that subs, resub, donated, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then it doesn't get in the way of playing games and I found recently it's been awesome because I can actually just sit there and play the game and I don't feel


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I have to be interrupted, like more so, you know what I mean? Like, I don't have to spend a lot of time doing all this other stuff, I can just sit there and play the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Potion of health sort of thing, you know, like I cut out a lot of that stuff in the end because it was just, yeah, repeated, but like obviously when you're streaming, you can't do that, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like I'm into Skyrim right now, and I might not be next week, but while I'm in it, I'm gonna do as much as I can, and then when I'm done with it, I can just move on. Whereas on YouTube, it's, it's much less forgiving, you know, you get up to a point where you're like, oh fuck I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, two of them might have to take damage, but it's really, it's even satisfying to get to the point where you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on a second, like, before, like, this turn, I had four guys threatening buildings, and I've, I've, I've like, whittled it down to just one of them attacking a building. Right. And then, sometimes you get the resist on the building as well, and you're like, oh fuck, this is perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think with that game you gotta curb your expectations a little bit. Right. It's cool. It is a very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've all watched a vlog, P-Flex. If you haven't watched it, guys, it was like a little mini podcast. You don't need to film me in on the same old stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've found in places that I've queued at regularly. I don't know, we're good at queuing. I'm fucking, I, I, I, you know, you just walk it on the street and there'll be a queue and people will join it and they'll be like, ooh, what's this for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it sounded great, right? And two, I'm surprised I'd never heard of it because it's like, I was looking up what you were saying and it's like the second biggest tourist attraction in France behind Disneyland Paris. It's a huge thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that'll be, that'll be fucking great, and I think I ought to do it really. And also, it reminded me of, uhm, the game that me and, uh, Sips played in Crusader Kings. So me and Sips did a little bit of Crusader Kings too. Uhm, and spoilers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nonce, which is where Poitoufou is, they were a bit, they were a bit too strong for me to deal with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. So you've got your fancy laptop, right? Have you got any games on it? Did you get any movies on it? What did you watch on the plane? Were you able to use it on the plane?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to play it multiplayer. Sorry I shifted onto game chat, but no, I'm interested, I'm just interested. So you took the kids to the theme park, did you? How were they? Did they enjoy it? They loved it. You took mummy flax as well?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was incredible. Wow, that feels like, feels like a lot. I mean, sitting through shows, that is like, I mean, we did that when we went to Vegas, you know, Jemba, Sips, we went to like- Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two or three shows when we were out there. It was a little bit like going to the movies in a sense because you were sat down a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find it a little bit just kind of, I don't know, that's the feeling I got a little bit with Vegas because there was a little bit too much focus on shows. But then again, like Disneyland, it's a little bit too much focus on queuing, isn't it? You know, especially if you go at any time that is a vaguely sunny day, it's going to be like just absolutely heaving with people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Margate, get on it. Yeah, it used to be a bit of a place, didn't it? But it's kind of, it, yeah, isn't it like flipping?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That could be, yeaah. Okay, well wait, I take it back, Margatians, I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's supposed to be summer now! I'm so disappointed with the English summer. Everyone in the office is a little bit like, oh, thank god it's over. I'm glad it's miserable and wet again. You know, it was too hot. It was too hot. Duncan's like this, Tom's like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just wanna moan. Just wanna moan, yeaah. Just wanna moan, yeaah. Just wanna have a, have a moan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that sounds about right. And that was when I was there and it was like, I'd played a bit of Dota, but I didn't really know it very well. And so yeah, I watched a little bit of it then, but I didn't really think much of it. And then obviously it dropped out out of Dota for a few years and then came back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when you, you sort of played with me. When I played Dota, it was almost like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I play in the game and I was like, why have I ever played any other game in my life? You know, this game is like the only one I need. Uhm, you know, why do I waste my time with all this other crap? This is, this is the one I want to get good at. I need to, you know, this is enough of a game for me. It's complex enough. It's got enough in it. Like, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All my friends play it, blah, blah, blah. There's ways people to play with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, coming away from it is almost like, it's like being with an abusive-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about a book or something or a movie is that it ends, whereas these games are designed nowadays to never end and they put you in this sort of purgatory


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she is just obsessed with spike cycling to the point that it consumes her life. So she was coming down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and, and, um, visiting, and they left, like, she left a bunch of stuff at my house, just for, it was like, it was like she was coming down to do cycling, but also to, to pop around and, and use me as like a stopping ground on the fucking way to her next, you know, trip, to, to, to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She wanted to go through the longest tun- railway tunnel or whatever in England, which is outside Bath somewhere on the cycling. You know, she was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mad about it and obsessed and, you know, completely blinded to everything else. Just addicted to it, I guess. So it is possible, I guess, to do that with things that aren't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I was more addicted to like, uhm, the social aspects of it though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pull with WoW I think is that you don't want to let your other guildmates down. You know, it's like we need you for raiding at like this time, so you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're supposed to be there and if you miss out they'll get you a replacement in or whatever and then you might not be able to hang out with your friends anymore kind of thing. Yeah. Just a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, it's a bit scary, isn't it? Like, it's a bit of, uhm, a bit of dread, I think, that it evokes in you, uhm, if you miss out or don't appear, and you feel like you'll let other people down, and everyone else is in the same boat, they're all feeling that they'll let...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stay together for any period of time. They just, every single international I've seen, there's no way to follow a team. Like no one sticks to a team, at least like when it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, not, not using football as a particularly good example because people do transfer around and stuff, but at least certain sort of key people, I don't know, I feel like, I feel like every international, it seems like I'm looking at a team and it's like, I don't recognise any of the names from this team, but the people who all used to be in this team are now,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is what I'm talking about. I mean, how could you have, like, how could you follow a sport and kind of root for a team? Or when the hoodie that you buy from that team is, you know, fucking irrelevant within weeks, it feels like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure I'm okay though, like watching a professional Dota game where all the players have got Red Bull in their name. Which I assume they have, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That used to irritate me when, like, players would have that. They'd have their sponsorship in their actual player name, and that was like... Anyway, like, one more question before we have to finish off this. I was interested in just finding out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To what extent is there like an influx of new like people into the scene? Or is it a fairly established sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People at the top of Hearthstone are very good at Hearthstone, right? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks to everyone who's listened to the Triumphals podcast this week. Bit of a weird one, I think, but uhm.


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[Assistant] But I may have seen red versus blue or a couple of other things that people mention, but they have no presence in my head.


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[Assistant] Right, but the thing is people com- because it's in the same place where Comic-Con is, they're expecting Comic-Con levels of bigness.


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[Assistant] This was the non-weebie- Oh I see. Yogscast.


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[Assistant] Imagine a scene in a movie where they open a portal to hell.


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[Assistant] Whatever. Very dismissive of something that Sips was trying to talk about. Whatever. Alright, stop sharing your fucking experience, Sips. Whatever. Whatever, mate. Jesus.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's good. I drank, drank the free booze and then we had dinner and I drank some more and then, uh, got the train home and- It was a very relaxed weekend, actually. It was.


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[Assistant] His vision is that there's been a nuclear war, that the country's been flattened by, it would only take like four nukes that Russia pitches at us. The nukes land, everything's flattened, and there, preserved, is Lewis's dad's garage, with a little wooden shelter over a mechanics bit. He comes out with his little bendle of survival goods.


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[Assistant] It's like Metro. Super safe down there. Dude, half the people in there, half the people in there would be French. You may as well just kill yourself.


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[Assistant] Kids, the Half-Life on the Radio activity is about 50 years, so you're gonna die in this shitpipe.


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[Assistant] So I've got a topic for you, right? You guys know I used to work, uhm, in TV, right? Briefly. Uh, in like sports TV mainly, at Sky. Yeah, you did poker, you did ghost shows with like those charlatans. So one of the conversations that always comes back to me whenever I see a clip of people playing cricket,


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[Assistant] It was, I was working on the cricket show at, uhm, Sky Sports, and it was, it's a very long show, like, cause cricket's a long game, right? So it's like a 10 hour fucking broadcast or something.


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[Assistant] So you have to go in at like midnight, that's when your shift starts. And you're there until about 1 or 2 o'clock the next day. And most, you know, you're in there, it's a live broadcast coming from like India or somewhere like that. And so one of the guests that they had was an ex-professional cricketer. And...


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[Assistant] He was on and he had to go at some point. I think he was just knackered. So he cleared off. And there was the main presenter talking to his co-host who's also an ex professional cricketer. And they were talking about this guy.


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[Assistant] And the, the, the way he described them, they were talking of it like the presenters always looking for gossip. Like they never release it, they just like to be on the inside scoop. So all the gossip about who's banging who's wife and which guy's going to leave which football team and which manager's going to get fired. The players and the, the analysts that are on all these sports shows spill the beans


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[Assistant] Copiously to anyone that will listen, for some reason, they feel like it's a safe place.


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[Assistant] So I overheard this conversation because I was just a runner and they obviously ignored me. And they discussed in the fact that how many times this cricketer has cheated on his wife.


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[Assistant] But they're not discussing it like cheeky, so can you believe it mate? He's been fucking everything, every woman moving he's just fucking them, like it's disgraceful. They're just like, uh, so I heard he was cheating again when they were on tour. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, he's a shagger. Like that was the way they define it, he's a shagger.


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[Assistant] So, he loves it. You know, he's a shagger. And the other guy was like nodding sagely like, yeah, yeah, well, he's a shagger, so fair enough. But that was it. That was the definition of a bloke who just cheats on his wife and he's a shagger.


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[Assistant] And I just thought, they both instantly knew what that means to describe. He's a shagger. That's it. He's just, he's a shagger. And I'm still trying to define clearly in my mind what that is. Yeah, he's just, he's a shagger.


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[Assistant] Do you reckon that? The way he described it would be like if I'd said to you, well, he's diabetic so he couldn't eat any cake. That was how they described it.


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[Assistant] So, you know, what, so he went and he cheated on his wife. Yeah, mate, he had to. He's a shagger, isn't he? Oh yeah, fair enough. It's like that, that's it. Completely absolved of guilt, responsibility. Dudes a shagger. Yeah. I just thought it was so weird. It's like it was a medical condition that the guy had. You were just explaining it. Yeah, of course he can't play tennis. He's got no arms. Yeah, fair enough, of course. Yeah, it was literally like that. Weird, isn't it?


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[Assistant] Cause you know when all those tapes came out of uhm, Andy Grey and Richard, what the fuck his name is, he had uh, Richard Keys. Did you remember these tapes that came out of them basically being incredibly sexist and unpleasant?


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[Assistant] So when those, those, I was working there when a lot of that stuff was filmed. Like we'd be working on the football and you know, they're all talking. It's all, it's like, as the Donald Trump fans would put it, it's just locker room talk, right? But the thing is, at Sky, those broadcasts are broadcast out to all the editing suites and to all the offices.


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[Assistant] So if you're sitting there in the office, you can just watch the live feed from the studio and the editing suites get the live feed because they can edit it up on the fly and put it into a highlight show like for that evening or whatever. So all that stuff wasn't just locker room talk between three or four people. It's actually been broadcast out.