[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate speeches. Are there really? If it's inciting violence, but if you are just like, I hate, like I'm going to start a website. I hate Blake Anderson. Okay. And well, that's a weird example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you're like, you start to go like, hey, is it that buffoonery if the merch is that cool? Like he's obviously doing something right, this buffoon, if his merch is this cool looking, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dersie, I, I, I was, it's, I, uh, you know, we all were together the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your boobs are huge. I can't swim for exercise because I, like, I get halfway across the pool and I'm like, Jesus Christ, I gotta keep fucking swim, like, I go so slow. Right. That it's, it's, it feels like I'm not really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I need to, I need to, you need to teach me a couple tricks of the trick. Cause that one time we were in the pool at the Workaholics house and we had like a nice swim day, I remember the four of us. And you gave us some stroke tips. That's what I was wondering, yeaah. And you told us a few tips and I was like, oh that immediately made me better. And I just want a few tips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. That's a... There's a, next to my physical therapy place, there is an aquatic center.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, I'm gonna go to this, uh, I'm gonna go to this place and swim. And then I had to fill out like a form online to see, see like how good of a swimmer you are. And I'm not a good enough swimmer to swim at that pool, it says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, well yeah, well because it was like, do you know how to breaststroke? Do you know how to backstroke? And I'm like, I don't know how to really do either of those things. I know how to just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I come up to LA next time, I'm gonna hit you up and be like, hey, I'm here for a couple days. If you do go swimming that time, I will make it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, let's save it for next week. I will bring it up quickly. I was talking about getting a Corvette. I've had the same Camaro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really, really love it. It's cool. It looks good on you. Uh, thank you. Thank you. Uh, but I'm like, is it time to upgrade my lifestyle? But the thing is I'm going to, you know, hopefully we're going to have a kid in the next year or two. Okay. There's not room in a Corvette to put a baby seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. So I gotta fi- It's daddy's car. So get it, get it now. Get it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm gone. I'm usually gone the entire year. So at least a car just sits in a garage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waaah, waaah. Get it now, okay? Uh, so what, so here's the question, a Corvette convertible, or, uh, the BMW, like, hello, M8 or whatever, like their super high-end convertible is super sick, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chloe hates it. She's like, every time she sees, she's like, oh, look at that douche bag. And I'm like, I think that guy looks cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, now we're talking. Oh, dude, and you know what? I'm paying extra so I fart blue flames, dude, so... Yeah, dude. When I'm passing you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah man, this SS Camaro, brother. Yeah, I do like that Durs has like an ultimate dad car, cause it's a wagon, but then it's also super fucking souped up and fast. I think that's cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited for Muppets to come out. That's what I'm excited for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Muppets, our friend, yes. Because Ders, you know, Ders doesn't like to promote his own stuff, so I'll do it for him. Yes. Oh yeah, the Switch. He is one of the stars of the new Muppet show that's coming out. When does it come out, Ders?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's exciting. Now it's something that you can watch with the whole family or it is R rated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sound like a buffoon, but whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and who was the coolest Muppet? Now, when you worked with these Muppets, was it like? I like the girl who's the lead of the band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the old guys that like were working the Muppets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're all cool, they're all like ex, uh, like LSD heads and shit. They're, they're fucking radical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he looks at you and he's like, I don't know, I'm sensing buffoonery coming from you. Woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was it what pap, would you say? Or a naked grandma?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Frank Oz directed Bowfinger, so the guy is a legend. He not only did the Muppets, he did Bowfinger, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's insane. Very cool. Voice of Yoda. Very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, he did the Indian in the cupboard. So yeah, the guy's, the guy's the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a wha-pat. Is a wha-pat. Yeah, that is a wha-pat. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No flowers, bro. Legend. And we're not giving any flowers. We're not giving him flowers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. A lot of fun stuff coming down the pike for ol' Dersie. Very exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who comes out of there? We were like, we don't care. We don't care. That's bootylicious to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, welcome back. Oh, haven't you? Haven't you? It's your podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk some sponsors. Well, we're talking figurative. We were talking figurative toes. Currently, there they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a bunch of weird shit at the bottom. My feet look way more disgusting than your feet. I know, that's why I loved- If we're talking like gross feet, I think- I guarantee I have the grossest feet out of our crew. Let's see them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That little piggy likes roast beef. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, I take it back. Okay, one, two, three, four, five, six are gross and I got three pretty, pretty nice little, little nibs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? Watch this. Uh oh, the desk's moving down. The desk is moving down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up, real quick segway, or sidebar. And then look at this, this is a narnar, and then look at the little... My god, dude, your toes are long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I come, when, hey, when you were showing those feed, I was like, and you guys were like giving him shit, I'm like, those look, I would- That's the worst. I would love to have Kyle's feed. Yeah. Oh man, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to have those big ass. You don't, man. Oh, dude, I do. I'm sure his smell is worse than mine. Mine's smelling totally fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, how bloody do your nipples get on earth when you do a long race?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in case you drop something on your feet, homie, you drop something on your feet. Right. You're out there in the gym, which I know you sneaky get it in. I know you sneaky get it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was great. I say words wrong all the time, Kyle, so I- I- But did I say helmet right? We can get back to toes. Did I say helmet right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably two guys, right? Oh, like John Merriam and Mary and Am? No, Merriam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think they're being too willy nilly with the, with the dictionary. It wasn't like, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not want to be 2000 and early if you're the dictionary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's huge. That's huge. Dude, I don't even- what does yeet mean again? What does yeet mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, so if you like, just huck something against the wall, you yeeted it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sitting of wild birds that closely precedes and follows sunrise especially in spring and summer. That's not a word, that's two words. I think Jeezy coined that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, it comes down to one person. I, I hope it, I hope it was the guy, I hope it was just the guy that, uh, remember that, it was that video of a guy who saw that train who was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A time of year, early spring, that is characterized by excessively muddy ground, like- What the fuck? That's the dumbest shit I've ever read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely bootylicious. Like, when we were kids, booties were not a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Butts on guys. Yes. We, we, I mean, we were, yes, butts on guys. Women liked butts on guys. And, and then guys were, were more about the breasts. The boobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A very proud people. And it wasn't, it wasn't about the butt. And then some, in the turn of the millennium, we were, we were riding that wheel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't mind. We don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we all get a fork and knife and eat big butts. And we just dig it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Todd just hit us up with it. I'm guessing he used Seeker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weenis, weenis is a slang word for the excess of loose skin at the joint of one's elbow, which is technically referred to as a cranial


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I love how many lawyers are DMing me being like, first of all, fuck you guys, I am a lawyer, uh, and I listen to the podcast. Cause I think in like last week or the week before, we like said that lawyers don't listen to the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just, all I'm saying, they could keep the hair, I'm saying they will make more money as a lawyer if they don't have the long hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why people become lawyers, is they just love the law. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Todd, where are you from? Yeah, thank you, Kyle. Yeah, thanks. I'm surprised you didn't get it, dude. I know you know that song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause, uh, Todd just says Microsoft owns Bing. That's why. That's why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it is a subscription service. We just need $19.99 once a month, every month. A couple times a month, a couple times a month. Yea, twice a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she convinced everybody, dude. And Walgreens, like, had them in their stores and it fully just didn't work. And she was running blood tests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything. Like home blood tests, send away blood tests. For cancer and anything like it was crazy and it was supposed to be just like a prick of your finger and then it would figure it out. I mean, it's a great idea, but it's like it's like a fucking guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She basically kept pushing. Like, we all have those ideas. We're like, yeah, it's just a, it's just a prick of your blood and you're able to see if you have cancer and you're like, wow, that's a great idea. But then she convinced people that she could actually do it when in fact she couldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to watch, there's the documentary, and then there's a full on show with Amanda Siegfried, and Amanda Siegfried did such a great job, because I think she's a pretty beautiful woman, Amanda Siegfried. Okay, go off. But then, you gotta say it twice, she's pretty and beautiful. She's pretty beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is her big scary eyes, and then in real life, she does this. Right. The bad hair, just the flyaways. She does this like fake deep voice to sound more like a man. The actual woman. The actual woman, Elizabeth Holm, like talks like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To like, try to be more convincing for some reason, as if that's not a fucking insane thing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they know where you're at, Blake. You're not- First of all, don't take ten minutes. People are waiting on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to medieval times. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. God damn, I'm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, well, you're gonna be missed, Kyle. It is, uh, Medieval Times. I know you love that place. Oh, I love, I love Medieval Times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love that. I'm willing to try anything. I'm also, I think I'm gonna try, uh, acupuncture soon. Acupuncture is tight. Yeah, I think I'm gonna try it. Fuck, I'm like just in pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, dude, my lawyers are gonna have short hair. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone in my life was like, it's the Zequil. Uh, it's made you go blind. The doctor laughed in my face, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, I think that would help my pain, cause I am in a lot of pain and that it is a pain reliever, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, dude. That really sucks for you. No sir, I don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's not, that's not yeet. I don't think that's yeet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, how old were you though? Cause that's, that, you could do that in your twenties. You know, you could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so sorry about that, Anders. Are there any, uh, giveaways, takeaways, epic slams, uh, apologies? Any apologies or giveaways? Epic slams? Yeah, lots of apologies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the Lonely Island guys are very, very funny people, so. Yes they are. Shout out to them. It's a heat rock for sure. I'd like to give them flowers. Let's give flowers, even though I've never seen Popstar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to give flowers to the Lonely Island. They're fantastic. They are, uh, one of the funniest groups going right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know that they were a big inspiration to the four of us when we were first starting out. Uh, we used to watch their videos and we, we, we fucking loved them. We tried to stay close to their heels, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flowers to Anna for being a cool middle school kid watching Stork Patrol on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that sucks. Yeah, no, he- I mean, you just look it up, Blake, and it's- he's dead at 76.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... Jock itch. I got jock itch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Karen Maruyama and Harvey Guillen comes out. It will be available on VOD, Amazon, or VOD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one is, uh, very special to me. I'm pissed now! Oh, definitely don't miss it. Get out there and check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But just be an asshole. Wow, it's a great movie. I know, but that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, I would love that. I bet that, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he married to Cameron Diaz or like at least together?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They used to wear like white suits and black suits, right? And like, they had like a whole thing. That's a white stripes. I like that. Well, I feel like it- I think that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got a fina- it's a financial QWAP app. Oh, it's a WAP app. It was a definitely financial QWAP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, just pay the, pay the 10 bucks. Yeaah, it's 3.99 or a month or whatever it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohhhh. Oh man, it's been a week! Hey, thank you guys for clicking in. Thank you guys for opening up those ears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, do you guys think this is weird? Yeah, that's why. Out to dinner, in Hawaii, last night filming, and a dude comes up, a waiter, and he goes, Oh man!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the waiter comes up and he's just like, oh man. I'm like, hey, he's like, you're from, uh, what's it called? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, I'm gonna say Workaholics and he goes, Netflix movie. And I go, game over man. He goes, game over man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting it, I'm getting it a lot lately. Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor, and they don't know about Cheerser. Yeah. CSI? Yeah, yeah, true. CSI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very well, very well constructed, KaiGuy. Oh, come on, that's the writing, baby. Hey, oh, come on, I love this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You mean like dudes? Or just people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] American beauty style where the dad kisses Kevin Spacey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a small dick. I go, okay, hang on, and I pull it up on my phone. And I go, is it small now? And they go, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Physical blast. My favorite thing was that fully just manscaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been pretty good. We did, we, yeah. We did talk, no, we talked about you having a lightning bolt. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. And then you were like, I'm already clipped. And we were like, fuck. Right, yep. Yeah, you were gonna have some pubart. Well wait, didn't you do,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not stoked on the idea of a fake cock. I thought we were gonna shoot a- writing it, I thought we were gonna shoot around it, essentially. Which we did, which we did. It's hard to shoot around that thing, baby. We did have options to do it. I mean, you can, you can- I meant like him wearing a little, what do they call it, a cap or whatever little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great drop, like, great drop. Points! You're saying peets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've never seen homes as large as these homes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these cribs were for sure like 20,000 square feet. They were huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cheap, cheaply made, and in the word mansion they had to explain the size of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boar's Head fuckin' rocks, dude. Yea. Absolutely. Hey, shoutout to Boar's Head. So good. Send us a box. Yea. Fuckin' Team Boar's Head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're sick fuck. Emma just said something to me. Oh, she goes, it's okay. I go, it's okay, it's fine. She goes, Andres, you can be butthurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just explained it. Let's go say we're golfing and play video games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that? Mahjong, poker? Is that poker? That's poker, right? It's the tile game. It's like the... Ah, alright. Taipei? The Taipei game on the computers? Yeah, I'm gonna go golfing with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, Kyle's trying to drop a- Kyle's dropping a reference here. Go for it, Kyle. Yeah, guys. Blake, me and Adam are gonna be at the RIV. Uh huh. Okay? Isn't that a country club in Palisades? Rivera? It is. It's super expensive. Oh shit. Yeah, let's go there, dude. Yeah. They got pickleball there. They got pickleball there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I golfed at Torrey Pines during the pandemic and it's fucking beautiful and raggedy. Where is that? Where's Torrey Pines? Torrey Pines is like on the way to San Diego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, because it's a public course, but it's like on the ocean, so it's like re-fucking-diculous, and it's not that expensive to play, and I think it's only like $70 if you live right there, which is bananas. Uhm, woah, woah, what is the cost of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's, I, my guess is it's, uhm, around $80,000 a year to play golf at that club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just ditch the golf. Just go. Well, I wouldn't think so. I would think that the country club lifestyle down in Newport Beach is way more pricey than... Palisades? ...around here. Yeah, well, just cause it's like, but it's more the culture down there. No, that's the Palisades, dude. That's like... Yeah, it's different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check the link that I just dropped in, cause this is what I was reading a while back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one is, that's the one where like, actors aren't allowed to join, right? Oh, really? Yeah, they like- Cause Santino was telling me about it, cause Santino's apparently a really good golfer and golfs a lot, and uh- I could see that. Mhm. He golfs at this place and he's like, there's no actors allowed to join, you can go play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it's crazy. Like, Justin Timberlake is like a scratch golfer and he belongs to like four clubs, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get out your, uh, your leopard, and your fucking cheetah, and your ogre, or a troll. Oh, nice. What do they call the putters? What's a putter called? The T-bird or whatever? Birdie? What do they call it? Dude, you're past me. The putter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little putter? Yeaah. I think it's just called putter. No, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Innova makes a beautiful disc, and what's cool about Innova is not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've seen it, had a Subway sandwich in it. The whole bag. Oh, I love that f- I love that fanny pack. We gotta go play paintball! Or, is that what we did when you- yeah, let's get- let's fuckin' paintball, dude. Ooh, let's get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I put Subway sandwiches in it. Yes. But yes, Adam, to get like the crate with like the wheels, that's a whole lifestyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blunt. A blunt? That's a roll, dog. Let's do it. Mmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that all you really need to do? Right, there is a certain amount of excess that you do not need to tap into. Like, a refrigerator full of 40's. Unbelievable. Yup, you made it. You did it. That is really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, can I give a shout out to a drink that I had when I was just in Colorado, hitting the slopes? Of course you can. Absolutely. Please, please do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Nice. That's what I kept saying. But they had, it's a hard seltzer smoothie in a can, and I bought it being like, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is going on? That sounds disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unbelievable. S-M-O-O-J, I believe. Shout out, you made my weekend up in Colorado a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ew, it's called smooch, hard smoothies, bro. And dude, I was like, I drank, I bought them on, cause you guys know me, I'm the guy who grabs like the thing in the grocery store that's like, what is this? You guys know me. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He loves it. And I bought it and I drank one and then I, I was yelling at everybody to have to drink one and people were like, this is actually kind of off the chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's thick, uhm. Well that's like a tomato.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like if you were poolside, you wouldn't be slamming piña coladas because you would have ultimate heartburn and like your teeth would fall out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, this was so good, and I'm gonna beg them to send me some stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of the can, it's got the consistency of the smoothie. Straight like a pina colada. But smoothies are like frozen. They call them a hard smoothie. Dude, and read the ingredients. Read the ingredients. The ingredients are just like simple, simple ingredients.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The b- the ingredients are like fruit, this fruit, that fruit, seltzer water, alcohol, period. That's great. There's one person's period in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Putting the ties on. Blake could be, uh, growing the mustache out more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cut to commercials. Hey, welcome back, guys. We're still mad. We're still angry. Uuuh. We're salty. Salty boys. Let's complain. Oh, you know what we should do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take a trip to Africa. Take a page out of Dave Chappelle's book. That would be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool. Let's do it. I'm down. I mean, did my Emma just went and fucking balled out on some safari? I'm so super jelly. Oh, that's tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was telling my, our nannies in donation. Yeah, now I might never come back. Are you guys actually gonna hit land or just gonna be around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, god, and I couldn't pull the name of the guy to tell the joke, and then I was like, well, what was his... Jizz Lane. It's really cool that you're friends with Jizz Lane Maxwell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, yea, I definitely turned it. Even when, like, the fucking Harlem Globetrotter showed up? FX? That's a... Dude. FX? No, it was like Nickit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, Dobby Gillis. Actually, the guy from Dobby Gillis is the same. Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. That's, that's what, yeaah, Gilligan is Dobby Gillis. Gilligan!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, it probably only went like two or three. That's what's crazy about some of these shows. When you look back and they were iconic. No, that's gotta be... That shit was huge. That shit was huge. It just had the best theme song, right? Well, there was only like three channels, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is so weird. You're kidding me. But not- no, I'm not kidding. Three seasons, but 90- Wow, yeah, three seasons. 98 episodes, though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what I'm saying? Like that used to be fat. The new fat is like morbidly obese with like skin sagging off you.


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[Assistant] Bob Denver is Gilligan, he's Toby. Oh wow, thank you, what a blessing. What is Bob Denver's real name?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, the like, rugby he's rockin' is tight, and he's got like a little flared...


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[Assistant] Oh, K-Kyle, are you the old dude? Mr. fuckin'...


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, yes. Just like us. Yeah. The whole thing is like it's a three hour tour, and then they- Oh yeah, Thirst and Howl, the third.


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[Assistant] Promise? No. Oh boy. Ders, are you talking about Jim Backus? Is that the...


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[Assistant] Dude, I got- I got- I know mine too, what I loved. I know mine. Uh, yeaah, I mean, dude, like, speaking of perverts, like- I know mine. Let's talk about him.


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[Assistant] I love Lucy's very good, but like, I dream of Genie.


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[Assistant] Mr. Ed was- I remember being always disappointed by Mr. Ed. Noooo.


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[Assistant] All I need is one little gimmick like that, and I'm fucking in, bro. I mean, Patty- Patty Duke was a babe. Uhm...


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[Assistant] Black and white. More like, uh, oh really? Like, but happy days. Happy days. Does that count? Happy days not black and white.


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[Assistant] That's not black and white. Wait, that's, no, no, no, Adam, that's a show from later on that's a play on a throwback. Okay. Oh, is it? Yeah, it didn't, it took place before it aired. Those shows always trip me out when I'm a kid, cause I just imagined it was from the time period


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[Assistant] Super weird, yea, just a tra- it's a trip. Uh, dude, mid-90s? Fucks me off.


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[Assistant] Didn't say the best, said what's your favorite? The Beverly hillbilly?


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[Assistant] I love Lucy. Yeah, Beverly Hillbillies. That was off the chain. I know, but I love Lucy is great, but it doesn't have that sauce though. I love Lucy had the sauce.


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[Assistant] The Munsters. As soon as you said what's it called, I was like the Munsters was off the chain. Oh my god, that show is corny. No, Munsters and Adam's family rock. I know, but it was like how was this on? Yeah, but you were a kid and it was fucking weird. Munsters and Adam's family rock. Adam, it was definitely something that should not be on.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's not- Isn't it- There's a new mo- Monsters movie? I watched it. I watched it. It's fucking bizarre.


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[Assistant] Oh no. And why didn't I get it? They shot it in Bulgaria. Yea why didn't Adam book this?


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[Assistant] His wife, who's in all of Rob Zombie's movies. Because Rob Zombie drives the Munster's car, right? In real life? He bought it? I think so. I remember him doing- I thought he was going to bring back the show.


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[Assistant] Oh, but you know who's in it. Hey Netflix, make our movie. JK, you don't.


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[Assistant] That was wild. That just came up and I was like, this guy-


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[Assistant] And, uh, can you explain more? Can you buy these or do you have to free trim them yourself? It's astronaut candy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's for astronauts. Astronauts, right? Are astronauts eating this? Or climbers? So, you're eating food that was supposed to go to astronauts? I assume so, yeah. And it's delicious. Or climbers. It's like astronauts are military or something.


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[Assistant] No, Kyle's got him wobble wobble. Yeah, Kyle's got those teacher arms.


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[Assistant] Adam's triceps have always had that like little lump on the side.


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[Assistant] And should we talk about Kyle's speech? Or no? Kyle's Emmy speech?


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[Assistant] But, but I will say this, cause if you drink all the, all the good ones at first, then you're gonna be stuck with just all the bad ones, and you're not gonna wanna throw them away.


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[Assistant] On gemstones, so. And what happened, what happened to your, to yourself?


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[Assistant] I think, uh, I think a homie of mine in high school had this same thing happen. He thought he was pulling his groin all the time and then he got it checked out and found out he had fluid. I don't know if he had his ball removed. Is that a hernia? No.


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[Assistant] Yo, remember the video we watched in the workaholics writers room of like a guy's nutsack getting boxed through a hole?


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[Assistant] Pornographic movies. No, no legit movies where somebody's doing bada bada bada bada.


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[Assistant] And then somebody's phone went off. Didn't you hit it and somebody's phone went off on set and we were like, kind of perfect.


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[Assistant] That doesn't make sense to me because it cools off at night so just open your windows all night long. Yeah, exactly.


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[Assistant] But the peak hours, if everybody's allowed to turn it on at the same time later, then that becomes the peak hour.


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[Assistant] I have like a s- a splitter, a splitter for like four different sections of the crit.


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[Assistant] Yeah bro, because we-we were- So mad at me. Well these guys are from the-listen, these guys are from the bay. We're like- Okay, say it again. Where-where you don't-you don't need AC up there.


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[Assistant] You mean the truth has surfaced?


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[Assistant] But the, the easy follow-up, the easy follow-up is, where's that? And I go, it's just outside Chicago, Illinois. And they go, oh, okay, cool. Or they know Northwestern. Yes, I've evolved towards that. Uhm, or they're huge Jeremy Piffin fans, guys.


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[Assistant] If you're hot, if you're hot, if you're cold, drink one. If you're hot, drink one.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. I like how you're like, look, we gotta prepare for this. Or just like, we're problem solving. We're figuring out ways. Like, yea, get that Tesla Powerwall put in the crib, man.


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[Assistant] I don't want to control everyone, man.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I've gone to therapy. You've gotta go just to like, see what it's all about.


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[Assistant] What you would do to like raise your kids differently than you were raised or like when you feel certain impulses, you just know when to stop.


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[Assistant] I don't, I eat too much and then I go and I purge. What do I do?


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[Assistant] I feel like I've said this on the pod, in college they were like, why are you so stupid? And I was like, I don't know. And then they put me on something, Ritalin or whatever the other ones are. And I like shot through the roof. And was like, this is crazy. And then I just gave them away to like, soldiers.


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[Assistant] I know what you mean, I know what you mean, because it's like, okay, so if I change like, a fundamental thing about me, which makes me me. That I've been for almost 40 years. Right? Uhm, but then you'll be just an unfunny good person.


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[Assistant] Because one of our kids is just wilin' out now that like school started, transition, whatever, it's wild. And I was like, you know, did your dad ever like talk about like when I was wilin' out, and she was like, no, we never really talked about parenting, and I was like, yeaah, sick.


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[Assistant] Blake, did you want to just, this is prescient. Uh, prescient. Do you want to say some words about Queen Elizabeth, Blake?


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[Assistant] What's one example? I mean, I know you gotta dig back two weeks.


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[Assistant] Or other. Other? It's basically people calling in being like,


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[Assistant] You hurted yourself. Oh, you hurted yourself? Swim went fine. Bike went fine. Run. Run went fine until the last third of a mile. I was like, I'm gonna gun it. Cause I saw a dude in front of me that had a number that made me think he was in my age group. And I was like, I gotta take that dude down.


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[Assistant] So you have to stop running. And I just like did a, like a,


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[Assistant] So what, what is the injury? I don't, the doctor thinks I just, I, um, like, snapped part of my achilles. Damn. You know, like, cause it's like strands or whatever. Um, I didn't train enough. I trained for maybe three weeks, a little more.


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[Assistant] And I'd only run, you end with a 10k, and I'd only run one 10k.


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[Assistant] That's not bad. And I'd run that once before, which is just not enough.


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[Assistant] I just pushed it. I just always push it. I always think I still got it. And I don't. Yea, you do. Yea, you do.


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[Assistant] Thank you. And I feel you as a, as a brother in injury. Yeah man. So they gave me a boot. I'm not wearing the boot though.


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[Assistant] You wanna see it? Yeah, let's get some ratings. Yeah, I'd love to see it. I'd love to see it. You wanna see it? Hey guys, this is why we need you to like and


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[Assistant] Ooh, smokin'. That's with the injury. So like, that's what, that was the average with the injury. Uh, I wish it wasn't.


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[Assistant] Go ahead, yeah, Adam, go ahead, you were there.


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[Assistant] Part of triathlon is racing uncomfortably, right? So if you want to take the time to get the sand off your feet, great. Good luck. You can do that. Or you can just go and just deal with it. It doesn't matter.


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[Assistant] I had a towel in my little transition zone that I step on and I do like a little dog kinda like just take a dookie thing and I kinda wipe my feet on that.


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[Assistant] I took the time to put socks on. Okay. Most pros.


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[Assistant] And that's, that's because your feet are tender or because your legs are ones longer than the other.


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[Assistant] Uhm, maybe, I don't know. Kyle's trying to say the buzzword of soaz.


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[Assistant] Well, I don't think it's literal. Uhm, but so, also come up with a word that's just one syllable, like scrubs. Cause the pigeon, it's weird, it doesn't fit in the song.


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[Assistant] Another good clapback, and I'm gonna get heat for this, but the R. Kelly version of if I were a girl, strong. Okay.


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[Assistant] It's like, he basically, after Beyonce goes, if I were a boy, great song, right? He was like,


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[Assistant] Huh, what is that other sporty? JK Rowlings. I bet they do have one.


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[Assistant] Is she stoked on that, or does she look back kinda like, wow, that was a bit, and, like, is it a comedy rap, or is it real rap? It looks like it's real rap. Like, uh, Chris Delia's album?


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[Assistant] We got a little information on our, from our producers. In 2012, my vag became popular on YouTube. Alright, so she had a YouTube hit.


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[Assistant] Uh, a response. Oh, it was a response track! It all comes full circle! Look at this!


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[Assistant] I think they toured off that song for several years.


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[Assistant] Ah, yes. But yea, it does change the vibe, and it doesn't date as well as the skinny boys who, somebody sent a link to us that was like, they were just named as like people, they're from like, Albany or some shit? No, no, no.


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[Assistant] I've never seen the Emmys. Okay, so look at the workshop for TV. Okay. Uh, and Keenan hosted this year. Yes he did. Terrific. And he shows up at a fake bar that they have on stage and he's like talking to people. Yes he did. And then he does a bit with Kumail that happened and then


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[Assistant] They're set up to fail. And uh, then he goes, hey man, I don't know what that was. And the guy turns around at the bar and it's Kel.


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[Assistant] I know for people unbelievable. Did you talk to them about our girl who was on- No! Lori Beth? I did.


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[Assistant] Is like a bad dude or, or like, you know, went off the rails and is a guy who's missing in action. He's still just like, I mean, he hosts this show on Saturday mornings for kids that my kids watch and I kind of dig.


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[Assistant] That's sick. Speaking of kids real quick, I just want to show this to the screen. I left my phone out when we were texting before the show and my kid somehow, like four years old, got the thing. I think he started trying to type his name, but then this is what the smart type


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[Assistant] I mean the Britney bitch one is with Will.i.am and Britney bitch. That's gotta be better.


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[Assistant] It's more of like a dance, like the like world dance style song.


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[Assistant] What's up, bro? That's the Hokey Pokey. Uh, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? That's the take, that's the chicken dance. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about?


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[Assistant] Okay. Okay. And that's it. That's 15 seconds.


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[Assistant] And she needs it! She's getting... would you just call her a bitch?


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[Assistant] I don't know if I can name a song besides Genie in the Bottle and Moulin Rouge.


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[Assistant] You've made your, hey, you've made your points.


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[Assistant] It's so good. It's so good. Every song, the production is tight. And he seems so nice.


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[Assistant] That feels like a long time ago. I know, but it feels like things move, things move so fast now.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. It's like, we've talked about this before. It's called an instant classic. The like six years spread of like going back, like when you get older, ten years moves like one year. But like when you're young, shit becomes classic real quick. And this feels like,


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[Assistant] You couldn't throw it on at a club cause it's too old. It feels like classic now.


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[Assistant] Two Chains? Two Chains is the rapper, well maybe not any, not now, but five years ago he was the rapper who was having the most fun.


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[Assistant] I love that you teed this up. Bro, I went to high school with that girl.


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[Assistant] Uh, no, I don't have her information. If I saw her, she would be like, Anders Holm. You'd be like, it's Anders, actually. What up?


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[Assistant] To us. Has everyone here had the meatloaf at Cheesecake Factory? To me? Yea, to you, dude. To Anders and to Blake. Yea, next Emmys when you're here.


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[Assistant] You wanna go to Cheesecake Factory? Everyone here's ordered the meatloaf at Cheesecake Factory, right? I just had a circle back.


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[Assistant] Did you guys get those, the lemonades with all the sugar on the rim?


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[Assistant] Honestly, I can't sub- I can't even get on board without that. I hit it up a few years ago.


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[Assistant] There's one across from the aquarium and I was like, alright,


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[Assistant] I know your feet hurt, but there's an Outback next to it, and I was like, Outback, like, I see the commercials, let's, let's head it up. And it was- Oh yeah, Long Beach. Unbelievably bad.


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[Assistant] Icon, Apodesk in 88, okay. Outback Steakhouse.


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[Assistant] Hey Todd. Outback Stankhouse. Todd, give me the sweet, sweet information on the awesome blossom plays.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I do. And I, I, I, uhm. Apologize? You can do that later. Let me save that. I'll save that.


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[Assistant] So it was two years, the bloomin' onion, so I was wrong.


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[Assistant] It's a fried, it's fried onions, but it's like it shows up in a big like square loaf.


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[Assistant] And then the first thing that shows up is Bloomin' Onion Wikipedia.


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[Assistant] You hear about these movies, you're like, oh, like, uh, Michael Keaton's gonna be like the McDonald or the windshield wiper guy or the McDonald's guy. And you hear, you're like, really? That's a movie. And then they're casting it. They're like, everyone's on it. It's going to be fucking huge. And then they kind of go away, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. Farrelly's got the touch. I was standing in front of him at the airport the other day and I almost turned around and was just like, you're the best. You fucking...


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[Assistant] And I didn't, cause I was like, he's.


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[Assistant] But yea, me, myself, and Irene, Jim Carrey in that movie is... Incredible. When he falls down the hill and then pops back up... Weird, wild stuff. As a director you're like... He's a master.


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[Assistant] I got a question, are Blake and Kyle standing, like, are you guys next to the exact same doors? What's happening there? Kyle.


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[Assistant] Is this a bit? Is this a fucking bit? Yeah, wow. Wow, dude.


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[Assistant] Uhm. You got it. That being said. Yeaah. Never eating it, uh, out back again. Unless they give me one- Dude, take all the time you need. Unless they give me one of those cards where I can eat every- By the way, the Hoot- Did you guys ever get the Hootish card from them?


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[Assistant] The Hooters card, it was a hundred dollars.


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[Assistant] I think I ate there once after going to the aquarium, brought the family to the hooters.


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[Assistant] Yes. She was like, any recommendations for places to get wings? And I'm like, is Hooters and Burbank still open?


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[Assistant] Can I ask you guys a real serious question? Would you rather eat at Chili's or Outback? Seriously. Answers?


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[Assistant] What would happen if you brought a bloomin' onion from Outback into a Chili's?


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[Assistant] Oh man, I do remember that pitch too, by the way, when they're like, hey, we want you guys to do a ghost hunting show that's like, scripted, and then they showed us the one that isn't, and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seems like a lot of work to write a show instead of do what these guys are doing, which is just sleeping, spending the night in like a barn with a infrared camera or whatever.


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[Assistant] How high were you in the morning? Pretty high dude, pretty high.


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[Assistant] Drink vodka out of a Gatorade bottle like every other kid in America.


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[Assistant] Are you guys going to, uh, what are your resolutions this year? You guys firing up at a big time rez? Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I always say my resolution's the same every year. It's like I'm gonna be in the best shape of my life this year. And really that's only happened like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time. Your boobs are huge. Like 2015, I think, or 16 maybe.


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[Assistant] No, I was in bad shape, but yeah. Oh, I was, I was in, I would say five years ago I was in the best shape of my life.


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[Assistant] Stop projecting. You knew me when I was 20. Stop projecting. I was a little pudgy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were in the best shape of your life, I would say, when we were doing P90X. Correct. You could do pull-ups and stuff. Right.


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[Assistant] See, the thing is, is I never stopped working out. You, you, you took a decade off after P90X.


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[Assistant] That'll do it. That'll do it. I think if you get on it...


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[Assistant] That'll do it. Well, what, what, what program, what workout program were you?


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[Assistant] No, I've never gotten to the point that I was worried for my heart health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is that, is that right? Yeaah. Do you have to wear the mask and everything? Did you, or did you have to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget exactly what is, uh, what was it called? It was like, it's supposed to help you get over your symptoms faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's specifically- A Z-Pack? No, it's for COVID. It's not a Z-Pack.


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[Assistant] Yes, and I've done it, uh, before and since.


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[Assistant] But, but, but it's only, it's only from like, hangovers and shit, where I've just been like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you can go places, but I, uh, I have, I hook, I get hooked up uhm, after paying the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Well, yeah, they're not stabbing you. Yes. What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sure, I'm not, I'm not like, ooooh, gimme them needles, boy, but it doesn't...


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[Assistant] And it's not, it's not, if you are wildly hungover, you're not going to be like, oh shit, I'm ready to go play basketball, but it'll, it helps you like 50%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, ins- and then you- and then you whisper, ins-


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[Assistant] And I walk in and I just see like one person go...


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[Assistant] Was there ever a, like a song or something your parents didn't like you listening to and they were like off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's the sweater song, it's the sweater song. So, you come to the show, yeah, the sweater song, you come to the party after the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so stoked. Take it easy, bro. That's literally the line. And my mom heard. So stoned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take it easy bro. And she was like, I don't like you listening to that. So stoned. And I'm like, they say stoked. And she's like, no they don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have kids and maybe I'll feel differently when I do, but, uh, I feel like I really won't care that much. Like, unless it's like, truly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So much. See, that's why I changed for you because I, I agree with, uh, the middle school. Blakey. Thank you. That I think it's middle school is the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's when you go, when you leave your elementary school and go to another school is when I'm like, alright.


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[Assistant] Well, no, because I don't want them to be the little creeps being like, oh shit, you don't know about this here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that it was in high school, like my friends that didn't party in high school, uh, like specifically I remember the girl, she was our valedictorian and I saw her and allegedly, uh, I saw her at a party in college and she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, in college, I'm like, you gotta prep a little bit when it comes to that stuff so you know how to slam four, four zeemas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. You don't want them to get to middle school and lose their minds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well if he wants to, like right, I don't think you're gonna sit him down and go, it's time to see what daddy does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, my parents actively didn't care about like movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and my mom was like, I don't know. And then I'm like, well, I'm going to anyways. And she's like, okay. Whether they say stoned or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, kids are drinking at school. Like kids are drinking at school. I want to try it, but I'm afraid to do it with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go with them. I go with them. I go to the party. Would you drink with your kid at like 15 or w or however old that is? Hey guys, cheers. Hey, hey, this is my son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to, like, I wanna be drunk with you guys for the first time. You have a real cool relationship with your kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was behind the, the, uh, additional classrooms at your middle school, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you, would you go, okay, well here, we're gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna have a few drinks and you're gonna be drunk with me, or would you say, nah, like you have to wait until you're 21?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you, you got a death, a death on your hands for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Yeah, that was my dad's stance. Is he like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I had a few parties in school and he would be like, there's no drinking. And I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The party that was going to start right before school started are my senior year of high school. And it got way out of hand. I had like all these tents set up in my backyard and everyone was supposed to be drinking back in these tents. And then obviously everyone just stopped doing that. And there ended up being like 500 people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 500 people in the backyard and like the cops came and my parents and myself got 22 or 26 charges of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, admittedly, like, I was terrified because I was like, my parents are gonna go to jail.


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[Assistant] Like, my dad might go to jail for this dumbass party that I threw. Right. The party was very fun. Right.


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[Assistant] Speak it like it is. The charges ended up getting dropped, and like, it was fine, but... Well, how'd it get dropped? We, I had to hire a lawyer, and then, and then they dropped it for the parents, and then I, I got like a...


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[Assistant] I think it was, I was a good kid, you know, I was a good kid. I was like, that's what the lawyer said to the teacher. Right.


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[Assistant] I know, and it was, and it was something like it could have been $10,000. Right.


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[Assistant] North of several hundred thousand dollars. Shout out to that lawyer. Yeah, shout out to that lawyer. And then that dude friggin rocked. Yeah, I don't know. And it's not like we had money. Or your parents told you it was eight hundred dollars because they're a sweeper.


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[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, but I really don't think so because they were so mad. Specifically, my dad was so mad at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For how long? For how long? My dad, you guys know my dad, he's super, for like, maybe like a week, it was like- Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was grounded for like the first month of, uh, of high school, your senior year of high school. It was, uh... Oh dude, I was grounded so much. It was really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never, that was the only time I think I ever remember being grounded, was that time.


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[Assistant] Have you guys had to ground your kids yet or are they too young to where it's like there's no real grounding because they're not doing shit?


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[Assistant] That's really good parenting advice, Dersie.


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[Assistant] And then I just like came back, you know what I mean? Like did, have they done, tried that maneuver yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But didn't you ever go over to a friend's house and you're like, oh shit, Mortal Kombat is the most fun thing.


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[Assistant] Well, Blake, you have- you have blades now. I know that they're-


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[Assistant] So you never had a, you never had a pocket knife or like a BB guns or anything like that?


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[Assistant] Also dude, Hot Topic wasn't around when you were eight years old. There's holes in your story.


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[Assistant] Dude, the Pinewood Derby was, cause you were, you could weigh the car. Oh yea, you could.


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[Assistant] Yes. It's bad. It's a bad institution. Yeah, but people still are- people still are Catholic. And the Catholic Church was busted too. You know what I mean? Like it- Right. Right.


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[Assistant] Is it kinda cool, like your kids are getting the age now that they're getting kind of good at sports? Cause I bet there for a while it's... Yeaah, I was a little worried going into it. Were you? It's a little bit like, okay, everyone's gonna suck. It's like a little bit of a drag.


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[Assistant] Dude, that's awesome. And as cool as you are gonna remember that forever, and he's gonna remember that forever. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] Like, I do a hunting trip with my dad and some of his friends and some of my friends every year. We haven't done the last few years because of COVID and cancer and all that, but we did it for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe like 10 years ago, my dad was like, do you remember? And he talked about a specific play I made in baseball where I like, it was a line drive and I jumped off the second base and I snow code the ball and caught it to, to win the game. And I remember that.


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[Assistant] Like it was, like, I just won a championship. Like it was the biggest moment in my life. And I still remember it so vividly. And the fact that my dad also remembered it was like, that meant the fucking world to me. I was like, you remember that too? And he's like, oh yeah, that was awesome. I'm like, oh great. It wasn't just me building up a moment.


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[Assistant] So right after this part, I'm gonna get a dip in to some yummy yummy tens.


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[Assistant] No, I don't want to do that to the listeners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I'm looking, I'm looking at their, uh. Hey, scrub that, scrub that. In the Los Angeles, San Diego area, guess how many canes there are now? There was zero when we talked about it on the pod for the first time. There are 69! Oh wow. The best number I hope. And now we can't start our franchise because then it would be 70.


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[Assistant] But it's crazy that- And I think there must be a ton down in San Diego.


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[Assistant] And it is delicious, but I don't know if it would catch on in California in the way.


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[Assistant] Is it, was it just people that, cause obviously everyone across the globe loves chicken fingers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, will it just be people that like, that are from Chicago? That miss a little piece of home?


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[Assistant] The milkshakes have- See, that's not what- we need to find- we need to find one thing that Keynes is already doing it with- You want to streamline?


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[Assistant] Actually, I think that's a great idea and we should do that, dude. Drive through pizza.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you that much. Are there any take backs, giveaways, epic slams? Dude, drive thru pizza. Happy new year everybody.


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[Assistant] Happy. We're still debating food talk, uh, in the, in 2023.


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[Assistant] They won't blow, uh, this mess. Wee below the belt. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. So, uh, so yeah, so, for sure, I, I, I wanna, I wanna get, become more of a slender man.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna fist you and punch you in the eye, dude. My ass is fine and it's been fine for 38 years. Okay, I'm gonna go take a shit.


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[Assistant] I would like to battle you. What I end up doing with the board is I just make the noises with my voice. I love it. Make the music with your mouth, boy. I'd like to make the music with my mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I've just gotten a lot of- I love the board. I don't hate the board.


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[Assistant] That's cool that your wife, she's, I've known her to go to Africa like maybe three to five times since I've known her. Maybe more. Way more. Maybe more. So cool. Upwards of the teens. Holy moly. Upwards of the teens, that's so cool. I wish when I was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my twenties, I would have picked like one country to be like, that's my shit, I'm gonna go there all the time and help out and do stuff. Cause then it's a lifelong thing that you always get to go somewhere, you always have to...


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[Assistant] Can I say that every country name in Africa sounds like it would be a dope name? Hey, and we just had to cut out the rest of what Adam said, but we're back now. Uh, no, it would say, it would say, it sounds like a dope name. Like if your name is Senegal. Oh, you're like, if it's a person's name, human's name.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well you talked about him, right? Yeah, yeah, so he recorded a song for the Pitch Perfect show I did in Germany. And then, so he was in Charleston. Sick. And was like, I'm coming through town, you guys should come. And Chloe was like, let's go. They have a ton of- She was like, what? You wouldn't know, she was like- She said, let's- She was like-


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[Assistant] To the OneRepublic concert. Uh-huh.


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[Assistant] There was, it was wall to wall hits. I've never heard of this band in my life. Didn't know them at all. I didn't know Ryan Tedder at all. He's a super nice guy. Dress is really cool. Has swishy hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was wall to wall hits. I was like, oh, this is theirs too?


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[Assistant] So the sweat drips down your balls? So I'm not saying I'm like a huge Warren Republic fan, because it always- all their music sounds like, and even Ryan was saying this, it's like a lot of- Easy now, this is your friend you're talking about. Yeah, he was like-


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[Assistant] It was like, we have, I'm like, do you ever get sick of playing like a certain song? Cause I wonder that a lot with, with like rock stars and stuff. I'm like, do you ever just sick of playing your hit where you're like, cause as a stand up,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You tell the same jokes too much, or the same story, you're like, Jesus Christ, I gotta launch this fuckin' thing again.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you have to. People will get pissed if you don't. People love that shit. But, but, uh, uh, rockstars, I'm like, do you? And he was like, yes. I mean, honestly, sometimes, sometimes, like, I, like,


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[Assistant] That's sick, dude. I love when people do that. Right, cause he owns the rights to them cause he wrote them. So then he played like, it was him on the piano singing Halo.


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[Assistant] It was a lot, and a lot of the other songs, I don't know pop music all that well because my, my knowledge of- What do you know? Kid Cudi? I know, yeaah, I know hip hop from the early 2000s and- You know that one Talking Heads song? Punk rock from the late 90s, early 2000s and that's sort of- Arguably-


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[Assistant] I know where the punchlines are, I know how to tell it.


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[Assistant] Are we really gonna go after it tonight? What a cheeseburger are we getting right after this? Right. How many double patties am I gonna have? Two double patties?


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[Assistant] And I'm blanking on the name of it, but she was just like, over it, and she...


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[Assistant] It took like that female voice or that other artists voice and put their stank on it that made it feel totally different. Like when he sang Beyonce it sure as hell didn't seem like a...


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. I just wish he would just... If you make a huge hit for Taylor Swift, then all of a sudden Ariana Grande's like, but also me, write one for me too. Right, I'll take one.


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[Assistant] Yes. And so the musical guest is on a little later.


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[Assistant] So I'm up first, and my Tw- I was like, just looking at Twitter while it was on, not, not even watching, I was like out or something, and my Twitter was exploding with hate, of like, who the fuck is this guy? Get him off the stage!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want those K-pop groups, uh, they're fan-based to turn on you because...


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[Assistant] Blackpink is a- is a- I wonder where- how they came up with that name, uh.


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[Assistant] If they were like, this is two colors, our two favorite colors, it'll, it'll go with everything, we can sell the merch, cause these bands are like put together, they're, you know, it's like how the boy bands in the early 2000s, the Backstreet Boys and the NSYNC's, and the 98 Degrees. Wait, wait, what? And other bands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, when I was in, uh, Japan, there was a, a, a billboard for some, like, uh, all-boy group. I think it was an all-boy, like, boy band. Uh, and their name was Black Monsters.


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[Assistant] Wow. Alright. I mean, I was laughing so hard I was crying in the street. That's crazy.


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[Assistant] That's gotta, they have a squad. Oh yea. And, and they're like, there's one guy with the trombone, the other guy's just banging trash can lids together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is everyone getting paid? Like, cause to tour with that amount of people where a guy's just like, he's just...


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[Assistant] Okay, so the six people, but then, cause I've seen them in concert, like at festivals and stuff, two or three times now. There's always ten to fifteen people on that stage. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I mean, they're great. I don't drive around listening to them, but they're great.


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[Assistant] Well no, they're great at a festival. Their sound is so huge that it does feel like, if you're listening to it with a hundred thousand other people like we did at Banaru, I'm like, this is pretty special. This is cool. Uh, but no, they're not my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I did, I did just find a new band. I bet Blake knows about them. No pressure. The, uh, new punk band. Oh, yeah. Wait, what? Oh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're pop-punky, uh. Uh, Ron Perlman put them together.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you know what I mean? Like you're transported, like I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm, I'm sitting on that shitty chair that smelled like farts, uh, that was duct tape.


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[Assistant] I don't know. See, Kevin was always like, you like the national to me and I think I was just trying to be cool so I'm like yeaah. I don't know if I know a national song.


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[Assistant] If you've washed your body with charcoal.


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[Assistant] The Black Keys concert a couple weeks ago, and I saw our boys, Pat and Dan.


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[Assistant] So I saw our guys there, but admittedly the crowd was like I was one of the younger people there.


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[Assistant] And while one republic who's been around forever, uh, was all teenage girls. That's why I was there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we could just say, hey, I love what you're saying, but shut up real quick. Shut up.


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[Assistant] I would say when we were first coming up and...


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[Assistant] And people were, you know, were being like, wow, it is so cool that you guys, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is like, hopefully those guys are some of your very best friends. And then you get to experience this amazing, like life changing event that


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[Assistant] Usually as an adult you don't get to experience that with a group of friends. Yeaah. It's fucking way cool. It was the best. It was so, how much fun was it when we all went and bought cars and then we showed up to the workaholics office in our new cars. It was the most fun. The fact that we could go to nice dinners together.


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[Assistant] And like actually have a good time and not be like freaking out about if someone ordered.


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[Assistant] Like, it was 2010 that we started to do stuff and then 2011 was when the show came out and then it was just off to the racist from there on. That's over the racist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were off to the races and we really got to do all this fucking cool shit.


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[Assistant] And you, uh, I forgot about so much of it. It's so nice to see, like, the ten year, like, this happened to you ten years ago today. Like a decade ago. And you were like, holy shit, that was South by Southwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like all the old Facebook photos and things, uh, where you get the reminders or in your own camera reel on your phone. Have you lost your mind? No, have you ever lost a phone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, nah, I mean, not forever.


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[Assistant] Butthole serum just jammin' me. Uh, it took about 40 minutes, but we got, we got two wrinkly buttholes, which, which I


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[Assistant] So Blake, if we are at a, will you shit in a porta potty or will you shit in a gross bar bathroom if you have to go?


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[Assistant] I mean, hey, I'll say it, if I'm in a port-a-john or a port-a-potty and it's fucking filthy. Now we're dropping brand names? If I'm in a, uh, Andy Gump. Gump? Andy Gump? Andy Gump? Andy Gump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if I'm in a sh- like it's absolutely filthy, then I'll do something. But 9 times out of 10, or even 9.8 times out of 10, I'm not doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that's an anthem. Hey, by the way, hey dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Blake, you don't think in today's day and age that it's not a hot take to like third eye blind more than arcade fire. That is for sure a- In this day and age. Ha! I'm going to tell you that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, hey, you don't gotta tell me I like third eye blind too, but I'm saying as far as... Semisonic? Societal norms. Third eye blind is a sh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my chemical romance came out. No, Black Parade. Black Parade is a true banger. That song is a great song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would like to give, uh, uh, some condolences to our listeners for, uhm, not for this podcast. No, for not getting to hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to give condolences to our listeners. Uh huh. For having to listen to this podcast without Kyle, cause I know the arugaloids are pissed that he's not here, that he couldn't get that seatbelt off, but- Yeaah. And you guys-


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[Assistant] We made it! We made it. My god, no one thought we could do it. Literally, not even us. No, I thought we were doing it.


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[Assistant] And we were supposed to record, uh, like last week, and the day before, I just got back into town, I was exhausted, and I like, uh, was sitting outside reading a script, and I looked up, and literally, I haven't told, I mean, I've texted with you guys, but we haven't talked, uh, on the phone, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was too scary. I looked up, I couldn't see anything. It was like the scariest shit of my life. Like, uh, literally my vision was, everything was blurred and crossed. Like in a moment, just all of a sudden. Just all of a sudden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the blur and then I had like a crazy headache and I couldn't, I could barely keep my eyes open except for to look straight ahead or down.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I had him, I had him downloaded. Uh, so I was just like laying there being like, well, it's probably, you know, I'm probably just have a headache or something. And then, but then it like really scared me because it, I was like, maybe I'm just, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just exhausted and it's gonna go away in an hour or so. And then it lasted like four hours of me being fucking blind until I finally was like, this sucks, I'm gonna go to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not that whole time. I was in the process, uh, yeaah, I watched an episode, then I became blind, then I tried to watch another episode and was still blind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I haven't gotten there yet, because I had a, uh... Well, we're ready to talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So much so that I won't, I won't let, uh, Chloe suck on my balls.


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[Assistant] So then, and so then I was like, I mean, it was, it was really scary. I didn't know what to do, you know, in the moment. And, uh, and so I was like, it was better the next day, except for my left eye kept twitching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a, a winking butthole, uh, and so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I just pen the night, which, you know, you don't normally have to do. It's very, very scary. It's kinda spooky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah. And then, essentially they, they were like, I think you, you go, basically, the doctor was like, he was a brosarch kind of doctor, he was like, yo, what's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seems like you go too hard in the paint, bro. And uhm, it was, it was migraine. It was a migraine, they think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well my balls still hurt, that's the issue is that's not resolved. So Saturday I have to go and get a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, ultrasound on my nut sack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it really sucked. It was really scary, you know, because you never think that you are going to have a stroke or anything like that to me wasn't even a possibility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you know. And then they, when they like looked at me and they were like, you couldn't see. And I'm like, yeah, no, I really couldn't. It hurt a lot. I was dizzy. And they're, they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you might have had a stroke last night. You have to go to the hospital. And I'm like, do I have to? And then the, another doctor came in and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then I go there, they all know who I am. They've like called ahead and like whispered like, yeah, this is, so they put me under like a, a John Doe, but my name was Jim Doe? Like gemstone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, but they were very kind in there.


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[Assistant] Well, that's what they told me. They were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Kyle. Thank you, man. It was nice. It was nice. A lot of- You shed a cheer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, my family too. It was every little thing. They're like, well, and I don't really drink that many energy drinks anymore. Like I don't care in my regular day. No, less than that. Less than.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they always say cut back on, on, uh, on caffeine. I'm gonna cut, I'm cutting back. I have, I only have had two cups of coffee today. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, there's levels to this shit, you know? There's levels to this stroking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's yelling me, uh, at me about Zequal. He also is, he's having like teeth issues, so like, he has like half of his teeth are just gone on this side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, so I had to ask the doctors about the Z-Quill and they all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're wrong. They might be right about the migraine. I hope they're right. I hope I didn't just have a stroke. I mean, me too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, I didn't think about it either, and this poor girl just, you know, I almost whipped it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting into this weird context of things where it's like... Well some p- I feel like privacy now is such like a big thing and like- That's my point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's two, these are two separate, I went in for a groin, told them about my blindness, went to the hospital, and then a separate day, I was discharged from the hospital the previous day on Saturday, and then, uh, what did I say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a discharge. It was cool. It was sexual. It was sexual, yeaah. Oh, discharge, yeaah. And then yesterday I went to the doctor. So on Monday I went into the doctor and was like, hey, I went in for this groin thing and then told you about my blindness and we never addressed the groin thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let's, can someone look at my nuts like-


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[Assistant] I don't know that for sure, no. Probably though, right? She seemed like a sweet person and wanted to, uhm, respect my privacy. Artistic though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a good comfort show for me. Cause I've seen it so many times. I could just have it on and tune in, kind of know where we're at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's like, you watch a movie from the 80s or, uh, early 90s before they re- everything was so formulaic and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, even now where I grew up with those movies and I liked them and never had a problem with them when I was a kid watching that stuff. And then now I'm like, god damn, get to it. Cause we've been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also super annoying as an actor when you're like...


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[Assistant] You want a director that has a vision that isn't just going to do a million takes of coverage when you're like, you know you're not going to use that shot. It's just so when you get in the edit, an executive can't say, where's that shot? Exactly. It's out of fear. It's built


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I like doing this shit so much. I really love what we do. And, uh, I was talking with my dad, uhm, FaceTiming from the hospital bed, and I was like, man, it just sucks. I, I, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I can't see, I won't be able to still be an actor. Like, I won't be able to do all the things that I like to do. And he was like, but then, okay, but you'll still be blind for your whole life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the way to go. If you're gonna have like a impairment, I think, I think deaf


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a couple movies about that now. Yeah, you, you can win, you can still get your academy award.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, how real do we think that stuff is? Like, I'm sure it's heightened a little bit. Oh no, senses? Senses get better? The senses. Right, right, right. Like, if you lose your eyesight, would I suddenly be able to smell? Well, you've watched Daredevil, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Well then you couldn't ever work again. If you're deaf, you could still work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, is, is going sight. Are you, what, are the five senses, what would you guys go with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well taste is 100%. How ripped could you get if you couldn't taste anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay, let's just go deaf or blind then, deaf or blind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause, you know, I thought about this over the weekend when I thought I was having strokes and going blind. Did you beat off in the hospital? I did not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I didn't, I did not. But I was thinking, for sure I would want to keep my eyesight. Because, you know, you have kids, you want to watch them grow, you want to see the person that you're in love with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you don't have sight, you have to be led around everywhere. It's more of a burden on other people, on your loved ones. I feel like if you can't hear, you can still do most things.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? You could still drive a car. You could still walk.


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[Assistant] Kyle, but when you look down, you see a Sharpay, you don't think a fucking gigantic mutant hedgehog is running up on you.


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[Assistant] Well, you don't know, it's this big wrinkly sort of hairless...


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[Assistant] I feel like I liked Jamie Foxx before I met Anders, and then after meeting Anders, I've become a huge Jamie Foxx fan, because Jamie- You're in the Foxhole? I'm so in the Foxhole, man. The guy's the best. He's our best.


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[Assistant] Well, you still can taste, but it's, it's not as flavorful, right? Like, cause you.


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[Assistant] Alright. Let me get another shot of water. Yeah, I don't know, I guess they put all their water in these, in these glass bottles, and then they poured them in these tiny little water glasses, so I just, you know.


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[Assistant] Are you in great shape right now? I can't tell if that jaw is drooping or not. I think it's pretty tight. Yeah, okay, yeah. Yeah, it seems like you're lean-durs right now. Yeah, he's on cam, he's on cam.


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[Assistant] Well, I think we could, well, Adam's gone, huh? Damn. When is it? When is it? Tell me. I'm coming home in a few weeks.


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[Assistant] The homie directed some episodes of Workaholics.


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[Assistant] Where, where was it held? It was somewhere in Hollywood. I remember we went one time and we were like,


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[Assistant] I can't remember exactly, I can't remember anything.


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[Assistant] The pain that I'm experiencing from my nutsack caused me to go blind. The dick pain is connected to the skull bone.


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[Assistant] Our podcast is so good, dude. You never know what the fuck we're gonna talk about because we don't know.


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[Assistant] And then also Chris, I, I really, his storyline is fucking great. Chris? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I hate her. I know. I know. Who is she? She's great. She plays, she's Tony's sister, and she's just a fucking... nutcase.


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[Assistant] My Ron. B-Baffunguul. Baffung.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the show is weird where it's like it's Edie Falco and Gandolfini.


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[Assistant] And those are the only two people that you really knew from the show. Like, name-wise. No one else.


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[Assistant] I think it's just cause I like hate her on the show so much that the reason she didn't wasn't top of mind, but she, she plays a great, uh, not even villain, just like a person that


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[Assistant] It's so real, like a person that you have in your life that you can't cut out of your life, they're in too deep. But you're like, jeez, every time they're around you're like, Jesus Christ.


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[Assistant] Good job, Benuch. And thank you Blake182 for making my dreams come true.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


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[Assistant] We could rub our heads together for eons and never get connected.


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[Assistant] The Sports Center one's pretty, pretty, pretty bad. Is there a cleaner, maybe we can get a cleaner MP3 of that? Yeah, this one's kinda like...


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[Assistant] I like to look for those things like the, go ahead Kyle, let's say it together, the arrow and the FedEx logo.


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[Assistant] In FedEx. Yeaah. It's like, you're moving. I honestly don't know the pin in sprint though.


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[Assistant] In our early sketch days when you weren't around, Adam would just be like, tech boy will handle that.


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[Assistant] Fair enough, but I guess what I'm saying is when a kid sees a grown up flub a word, it's hilarious to them. Whereas if you're having a conversation with two adults and one flubs a word, the other person's usually mature enough to go, alright, they just, you know.


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[Assistant] And I know you think this is inconsequential, but it's not. It matters, okay? So, uh, I want you to look every- I want a public apology. In front of everybody.


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[Assistant] The A side of this kind of thing is that like the, uhm, the actor's comfortable, but the B side that I know I kind of forgot about back when I did, uhm, Top 5 and was butt-ass naked and you probably didn't think about was that


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[Assistant] At first, like, the costume person's like, hey, I have your robe, and eventually you just go, I'm good, like, it's hot, I don't want to put it on. And you forget that, like, no.


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[Assistant] You know what? I pitched one to Kyle and we used it. Oh yea. What was that? Which one? It was like at the very end of the entire scene where he like storms off. I was like, let's just go low and have him like, uh. Oh yea.


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[Assistant] Okay, cause sometimes when you're in somebody else's house, like an Airbnb or a rental, whatever, they've already programmed it to be as like, quote, efficient as possible, meaning they don't want to pay for it. Right.


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[Assistant] Kyle definitely gave you, he gave you the answer. You don't, you didn't listen to it.


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[Assistant] It's like when a, it's like when an old person, an old person gives you the address to go somewhere and then they start talking about how to get there and you're like, I'm just going to type it in my phone.


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[Assistant] Just get that shit, I got it the other day in my garage for no reason.


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[Assistant] Blake? What? So how, what's the temperature in your home?


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[Assistant] So moving to LA, you discover this pizza chain called Shakey's. It's not in the Midwest as far as I know, uh, but it's just like, uh,


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[Assistant] In 2009 or 2010, I go to Tokyo and I'm just walking around Tokyo and I'm like, wow, look at this. We got to go to a fucking cool restaurant that we could never go to. And I turned the corner near like the, what is it, like Harajuku, like shopping district. And there's a Shakey's. Sounds real.


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[Assistant] It's not even the best representation of our pizza. What the fuck? Global. Well, I mean, we can get into representation and talk about how Boston pizza is the biggest pizza chain in Canada.


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[Assistant] Right? Kids are like acting a fool, parents are wiling out, but they roll on it and they're like, look, I know I yelled at you, I called you, uh, lazy and entitled.


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[Assistant] Was it funny when I slipped on the, uh, Seemed like that would have been funny.


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[Assistant] My physical activity is... Are we still pickle balling? Which I know takes other people...


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[Assistant] Also, is it called a rat king when like there's the clump of rats all together? Like a human shaped rat king might have done a few classes with Cody.


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[Assistant] He had his ears pierced so early that there were like no rules, but then by the time you got to middle school, if you had your ears pierced, I feel like I've talked about this, everybody would put a broom bristle.


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[Assistant] I think it had something to do with the, like, NWA, like, there was a bunch of gang shit in LA, if you were rockin'. It was just affiliated.


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[Assistant] Also, if you had a Raiders jacket, like, I think you had to just prepare yourself to like fight for it. You know what I mean? Like, it was a sought after item, so if you were gonna get a Raiders jacket, like, be ready to defend yourself.


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[Assistant] I think I had him actually, the action figure. He needs to be spot lit.


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[Assistant] Shoutouts? Yeah, any, any, uh, insults you wanna throw?


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[Assistant] Oh boy, we're getting into it already? Already? For ready ready? Now Blake, are you trying to tell us you have...


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[Assistant] Yes, my, my, I'm friends with candles, that's how fancy I am. You're very high-brow.


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[Assistant] Have you guys heard about that new, uh, chokehold? And Blake, I'm gonna need you to help me out on this one. It's called a Rear


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[Assistant] It's a bagel. Nooo, you're supposed to hit me with the naked grandma. Oh wait, do it again? It's actually called the rear


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[Assistant] And it is, uh, pretty deadly. The rear naked grandma. Uh, yeaah, that sounds real. That sounds real as hell. So what's up with this guy? He's just, he's just a fan?


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[Assistant] I feel like they would like to listen to us cause they're like, I think those guys are fun and I could beat them all up. Yeah, maybe. They only listen to stuff.


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[Assistant] I don't know, the way he said we went to Spike TV parties, I was like, maybe twice, but it sounds like you might have been just going to- were you-


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[Assistant] He's not. Iowa's the wrestling capital of America, right? That's, that's fair to say, huh?


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[Assistant] No, that's for sure a thing. In Wisconsin they call Illinois people fibs. Fucking Illinois bastards. Just beef.


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[Assistant] That is what they say. I had never heard that before. The funniest drunk dude in the group is like, it fucking stands for idiots out walking around or something.


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[Assistant] Right, that's why I'm like. But it's just, that's not the name of the state. I'm gonna start using the word Iowa to describe like a music festival. Like how was it? I don't know, it's kinda Iowa. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what is the- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, wait. Wrestlers are long and lean?


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[Assistant] He has a high waist, long legs. Short, short torso. Yeah, so he's doing some- Oh my gosh. He's the guy from Bloodsport who was like doing this, and Jean-Claude's like, okay. Oh yeah, like Revan the Harley.


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[Assistant] Well, cause he wasn't technical, he was just aggressive and like, you couldn't get in to, to punch him in the face. He was just so like top heavy, but I don't know if he had like the best legs. I don't know what we're talking about, but uh, he did, he got worked.


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[Assistant] Like, throw hands? Yeah, it would just get physical, like, somebody's crowding a plate or whatever, and you're like, I'm gonna blow through this dude. A plate of food? Huh? No. Like, uh, in gym class, crown the plate, like playing kickball or baseball, softball, whatever.


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[Assistant] Somebody's like hacking in basketball and you're like, look, I'm not even that good. I'm not going to make it. You don't need to foul me like that.


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[Assistant] Hey, stop blocking my shot, dude, or I'm gonna fight you. No, but like, when you get hacked, when you're getting hacked and you're like, we've all seen those Instagram clips of people where it's like, is he playing too hard? And it's like a dude dragging somebody to the ground and you're like,


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[Assistant] That is true. And we can circle back, cause you just reminded me of when, uh, my like neighbor was a new kid, Matt Ryan, shout out, uh, and during recess,


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[Assistant] He got in a fight with Alton Dennis and they were going at it and it was like hands and then Matt like punched him in the face and broke his glasses and then he was like, man!


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[Assistant] You broke my m- my glasses, my mom's gonna kill me, dude. And it was like, he like stopped, everyone stopped and like, helped pick up the pieces and be like, no you can tape that, like, you know what I mean? It like became like-


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[Assistant] Fuck dude, there's like a, there's a greater like, uh, evil that we now we gotta work together to like make sure this dude doesn't get like his ass actually in trouble. Yeah.