[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not what you think of as men. This can be a man, you know, your mommy has babies. So can a man. It's just not the man that you're used to seeing. And a man can have a baby and a man can breastfeed. And then the kids will be like, ah,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because they're doing a nice, that's how you tuck right there with that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what legs are spread on that other one there. See?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be so rad. If the Barbie had like a little dick tip sticking out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ciao Tom. Io sono italiano americano e abito a Austin. I'm from Chicago, but grew up speaking Italian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Additionally, I majored in the language and lived in Rome for 14 months during college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was there that I really got a grasp of the language as I used it to make Italian friends and, uh, bang wave after wave of study abroad students.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After school, I moved to Milan where I worked at an advertising agency for two years. During my time there, I almost exclusively spoke in Italian, unless...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was with one of my British or American friends. I have been in Austin for six years and there are very few Italian speakers here, especially compared to Chicago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The owners of Numero 28 Downtown are from Milan and I have met one other Italian who I played soccer with for a year or so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I've been learning on the toilet, but I think, you know, we'll probably, we'll, um, we'll meet up, do like a coffee date or something first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need conversations, that's the thing. I'm on day...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 70 something of the apps. And uhm, it's great, but you realize that without a back and forth, it doesn't really progress. No. It's too hard. It's too hard because you're not being immersed in hearing it and saying things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's going to start slow, you know, but yeaah, it's going to be fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If this goes well, if this goes well, Robbie, I mean, you're going to luck out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're just like, it's stuck and they're like, have you pressed the floor yet? And they're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Focus on that enough. I don't think enough people really got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be, it might be the all time most bizarre thing ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For refugees in Ukraine. And at one point she was like, be a part of, you know, do it for humanity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do it for the refugees. You're like, wait, why would you laugh right there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I keep hearing you wonder about why G laughs at the end of that creepy ass video about Ukraine. I have some answers for you. He laughs after Trish says humankind. This is clearly because Garth isn't human. He's laughing at the irony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My theory is he's more of an ancient enigma spirit kind of like Pennywise. This would explain his aversion to aging and most of the other creepy shit. This would also add to why Garth keeps chuckling in the video. All the pain and suffering from the war is licking his metaphysical scrum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I have a little thing, I think I might have a cavity. I have a little bit of discomfort. Doesn't, it's not all the time, but it's every once in a while. I'm like, oh, there's something there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I haven't had a cleaning in a while, you know, since I was, I mean, I, I did it within the last year because I did it on an LA trip once, but I still need to just do it here. I need to find the right person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. So I imagine if you told the dentist, my husband's really gonna like you. You're a nice blonde lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know that I, I told them the other day, I was like, Hey, guess what? We're going to throw Bitsy off the roof. And, uh, I was, I was joking, but I forgot that they're real young and you know, they both did. They were like, okay. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I give her away, I think we're just gonna give her to family. Meaning, the matriarch of it all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, uhm, so, you have the news already. We, uhm, sadly have to part with Bitsy and we're not gonna throw her in the river, so you said you would, uhm, you would take her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, my, my son has an allergic reaction to dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in his blood. It's in his blood work and the doctor called us and said, you can't have the dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 15, 15% of the population is a lot, is allergic to dogs or cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, but why would our doctor want us to get rid of the dog?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think I should tell the doctor when they point out in the blood work that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I've heard of allergies before to dogs. So that would be... Yeah, of course I've heard of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, of just having an allergy to dogs, yes of course I've heard of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a cat allergy. Yeah, so do I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my eyes start watering. Yeah. But my son is having a really notable reaction though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna tell the doctor that my mother's a skeptic, she doesn't believe you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but what would the doctor get out of this by making this up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Well, here's the best part about you getting bitsy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no greater gift I could give you. I'll never have to give you another gift because there's nothing greater than the love of a dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so too. And hopefully my son's allergies will also be gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I think I'm getting better. Just, it's working on my voice a little bit, but I think I'm getting better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember one time I was, I wasn't sure if I was with a man or a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but this person, I was like, Hey, I don't know what's going on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I, uh, first I was like, you know, re-squeeze the butt and I was like, well, that could be either. So then I, um, I reached down the front and I was like, eh, you know, feels right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It was kind of, it was kind of girthy, but I was like, who cares at this point, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and only God knows at this point what it was, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you put up, listen, you take a box, you poke holes in the box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can come with Jew. With Jew or with Jew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, yeah, sometimes you know, you gotta, uh, use the hanger. Alright. Okay, well. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this was back in the day. This was before the vasectomy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mom, I was like 16, 17. What was I supposed to do? I gotta run. I love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She tells us, she's like, this is when, like you know, she goes, this was centuries ago. Yeah. But she'll talk about, yeah, her boyfriends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you just kinda lean and you pour and the water goes up and around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you're so clogged that it doesn't even go through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That moment right after when you, when you first blow your nose after using that thing, you do feel like so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I have had those moments where I'm watching and they're like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a pre-school teacher right now, like smashing it against a fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's debatable though. It's gone back and forth. It went back and forth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That obviously when we were kids it was, then they were like, oh it's not, and then there was even a push to make it a planet again. I don't even know, it might be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't know if you Google it now, what the status was, but there was a back and forth about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it better to lease a car or buy it in summer? What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see how it did go back. If you scroll down, what does the drop down say? Like, is there more of an explanation? See that first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I do remember the debate where they were like, it's not a planet. And then there was a few that were like, oh, it is a planet. I don't know why that happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hear you. It's fucking, it's the worst when you realize you could make it so much easier on yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've really been enjoying what you post in your stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have your own, you have your own lane of stories. Cause it'll be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta advertise. Guy cutting his fucking eyebrows off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody drinking pickle juice, somebody standing on a train track, and then you're like, Boston, I'll be there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember this one. Very cool. I think you actually texted me this and I was like, Jesus Christ. Really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even on like a swimsuit model, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When women get into this, you know that they are particularly unstable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that also, that famous, I think, uh, Brian Regan bit of like when someone's like, have a good trip and you're like, you too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doctor's making that up. Give them my number. I'm like, uh, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he fucking feels smart. That's how I'm fucking crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the blood work said, yeah, I've never heard of this. Oh yeah, doctor. Oh yeah, doc Taro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You're right. That's my favorite is when people do the, uh, the doctor's a liar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's just because the doctor has something that you don't want to hear. You know? So people go like, mmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do love her. I also think it's kinda strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? You didn't do it once? Almost stands out more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying, I'm not saying that they should not be together, I'm saying...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of a weird one that, you know, that she's like, what happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I guess it's a valid point, I'm just saying. It's probably really throwing him off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to work, where's lunch? I didn't do it. What do you mean you do it every day? I count on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know who I like, who I like, who this is for sure? Do you remember when we lived in our last neighborhood and we would walk to the village?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was that one house that had like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck the oppressor. No, that was like as you got to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go, go succeed there. Take your tile wall that you fucking built out of trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also like, it's like an identity you adopt when things are too hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To adapt to the system that we're in. So I'll just invent this new persona.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yea, you can watch the series, it's fantastic. But, if you really want to enjoy it, I'm serious. I feel like, really encourage people to do this these days. The series came after a, like, six or seven part LA Times article, like, story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like of the story, you know, the Los Angeles Times journalist wrote like a seven part series about this story. It's fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a bad bitch. She's a bad bitch. She's a bad motherfucker because that guy was a real terror, an absolute violent psychopath, and uhm. Knucklehead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fantastic. It really is a compelling, awesome one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, scrapping her. He went to kill her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's an amazing story. Uhm, alright, we gotta wrap it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try it out. Try it out, try it out, try it out. Uhm, all my dates are at thompsacre.com slash tour. I've been pushing my, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At an arena show in uhm, Denver, July 24th, uhm, there's some other...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dates along the way. There really are so many shows. And, uh, we did add Australia, New Zealand, if you're not aware. We added a bunch. We have announced those shows and we added shows. And there's more international dates coming. Uh, thank you all. And thanks again for your support on the book. I'm very happy that it's out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. I love your Jew glasses. We'll see you next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, you stupid white bitch. That's what I'm looking for, is a stupid tattooed white bitch that'll put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me. Call me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I miss Captain Marcel. She was one of my first TikTok finds. She was an OG, yea. Uhm, and she was like, my sister's trapped down the mountain. Yea, I'm going to get her. Yea, and then she would- Okay, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she'd be like, it's hot out today, like the wasp is guys, but you must hydrate as well and eat your food, eat your spaghetti. And you're like, that's really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, and I think the, the first insult is the, that that person didn't initiate contact at first. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, you could have initiated like, hey, I'm aware.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the fucking, it's so, it's, I like this movie growing up. I know you're not supposed to anymore, but he takes, he takes tanning pills. That's the premise to get into Harvard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that just, it just smacks of too many tropes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The white guy that's like, I mean, if I weren't a white guy, I could be successful. Like, first of all, that's so stupid. That's such a trope. And then the humor's not even good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The movie Tootsie, where Dustin Hoffman played a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, it's still good, it's a good script. But we don't know if we had women consulting behind. Oh, Elaine May, uncredited. The film was adapted by Larry Gilbert, Barry Levinson, Elaine May.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, you don't know, but they did a good job of, of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many dads out there were like, that's great, that's really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, get your big sassy broad. He's like, Oh, okay. I don't, I don't play that big sassy broad. He goes, okay, get your two piece, your three piece of Popeyes. The best is that he had, he always had that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you go on, get your two-piece, your three-piece, Popeyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said it to myself the other day, just walking around our house. Okay, go on, get your two piece, your three piece.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, you love pushy buttons. How stoked are you to have a whole new set of buttons to push?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of true. My dad was like all about having fun, like just getting to that vacation and letting loose. You know, but he worked really, really hard. He was a business owner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did it, he did the right thing and then he just wanted to fucking party, you know? Partying's fun. I respect it. Yea. You know? He's got that DNA, still alive, still kicking, getting drunk, getting faded, fucking chicks, like yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They step on some IEDs. What happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we talked a while ago about banging in the military when Brian Simpson was on, and this email came in and it sounds pretty great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi mummies, just wanted to let you know where people have sex on navy ships. As a former sailor, I can confirm I was never as hot as when I was in the navy. Maybe a 5 or a 6 in the real world, once I stepped foot on this ship with all those horny seamen, I was a fucking 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Though I was not someone who fucked multiple people on this ship, a boat hoe if you will, I did meet my now husband there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we did it wherever we could. There are lots of small spaces to meet up that have locks. And since we both had access to locked spaces, we did it in a variety of said locked spaces. Behind radars, in ammo rooms, top secret storage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know where the dummies that didn't have security clearances did that, but it was for sure being done. Thanks for making such a great podcast to get me through my work day, piss on me, beat me. Can I tell you what this makes me realize? What's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, fuck college. I should've gone straight into the Navy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's right, if you're like a five or a six, bro, on a boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prowess. So imagine if I, I should have gone into the Navy for like just a ragdoll year is what they call it. A ragdoll year. Yeah. And they just fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fit, like that's the best part, talking like good specimens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, cause like, you know, a lot of bisexuals and gays, it's just like the gays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So especially with like the AIDS scare, I was always like, god damn it, you know? I'm always afraid of messing with dudes if they're with other dudes. That was a real threat back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Would the Navy let me do a come year tour?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That were horrors back then. Like even now they have kids and husbands and I'm like, yeah, but you're s-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's in your DNA to be a ho. So like, can a ho ever be a mom?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so stupid, but it's true cause like my friends that, I mean, you know one of them. Um, we went to her wedding and she was such a hoe and like dude bro, like I see her shit on Instagram.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, bitch, I know you. Like, don't fucking pretend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking smile. No, she's got like kids, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many dicks were in that mouth back in 1998, ho? I lived with you, bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like they're just playing the part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know and you can't trust her with your heart cause she's gonna, she's gonna stomp it to the ground. But I feel that way about male hoes too. I don't find it attractive when I would hear like, Oh, I've had sex with hundreds of people. I'm fucking sick inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I always, like, I always think too, like, what's in it for a girl to have a one night stand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause you're like, you're just gonna jizz in me and then that's it and then bye. And it's not even, I don't know you well enough so we probably can't have a great sesh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but I could have done it for one year and then nobody would know because it would be in the military and then I'd just come back to the mainland to the homeland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's, let's just talk real talk. If I could take ST, STIs out of the equation. Like really. Pregnancy and no STIs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, but also I'm thinking like, do I really want to hook up on a radar machine with somebody? Like I need a bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just one, you just need to fuck one. Are you missing the syrup for your pancakes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just ran out of your favorite coffee creamer with DoorDash grocery delivery. You can get what you want right when you need it. You've trusted DoorDash to deliver your restaurant favorites and now you can get grocery delivery that actually delivers too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With thousands of grocery stores to choose from, you'll find the best in your neighborhood and boost your local economy with each and every order. You'll get exactly what you ordered or will make it right. So sit back and enjoy quality groceries just like you pick them for yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With easy substitutions right in the app and best in class customer support, DoorDash delivers groceries exactly how you want it. Get 50% off your first DoorDash order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up to a $10 value when you use code YourMom at checkout. Limited time offer. Terms apply. That's 50% off. Up to $10 on a $15 minimum subtotal and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code YourMom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget, that's code YOURMOM for 50% off your first order with Tori.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Summer's coming! Are you ready to unveil your beach bod? Manscaped is here to ensure your body is ready for the wild!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With their game changing full body grooming and hygiene products. Don't be the guy at the beach with Austin Powers chest hair. And if you grew some winter man tits, the least you can do is make sure they're hairless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's time to get ready for hot guy summer by going to manscaped.com for 20% off plus free shipping with the code mom. Listen, I'm so grateful for Manscaped. My husband loves their products and it keeps him smooth and silky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Manscaped is dedicated to helping you increase your confidence and level up your full body grooming game with the Performance Package 4.0. The kit comes with the Essential Lawn Mower 4.0 Waterproof


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prop Reviver Ball Toner, the Weed Whacker 2.0, and two free gifts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having the right tools for grooming is essential. Do yourself a favor and always use the right tools for the job. Get 20% off plus free shipping with code mom at manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code mom at manscaped.com. Trim your chesticles with the besticles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dang, 17 to 39 just missed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, look, to reduce Norm Summerton to mental illness is to not, you don't love him, you don't know him like we know him. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not hurting anybody. Look at that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, people are haters, Tom. Haters gonna hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is sick and should not be normalized in any way. I don't think you can normalize this. Like, I don't think it's gonna catch on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It won't be normalized. Rest assured your children will not be tick cupping and pig poutine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Cause I have a warm place in my heart for all the cool guys on these walls and all the cool girls that we showcase. Yeah. We, we love these people and we're grateful to have them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in the future, baby. So, but dreads, don't they hurt naturally when you have them? Like to roll them, it pulls the hair. You know, it's painful already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a good looking blind guy, he kinda lucked out, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I do want to get looking at this dread wig though. There were some cool options on Amazon. Like what kind of dreads do you want? How long are we talking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, that's so embarrassing. Oh, there you go, those are good dreads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rasta Marleywig, reggae costume beach bum. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there we go. There's some real, oh, that's the hair. You could just buy the hair. That's cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lucky. And your beard kind of, it balances out. Like your balanced face. That's all you can hope for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She looks so pretty, you know what she looks like? Fuckin' like Nicole Egger from like Charles in Charge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but you look like you would kill. Definitely. You've got some deep secret demons going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just how young 15 is. It's nothing, like you just got into puberty, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I was already up and out. Like don't you feel like 15 years, were you grown up yet? I felt like I was already an adult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nuts. Yeah, they're all in the same area except for cop city, which is more of a date night experience, like cause it's at the domain and there's like more parking. It's just more like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should go full throttle. Yeah, I think you should. And I think, you know, it'll just be a really cool lane for you to explore yourself, explore your sexuality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, this is a whole new chapter for you creatively and I fully endorse it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like you're, you're not satisfied, Josh, creatively with just him coming. Like, you need to up the stakes a little, it sounds like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And can you do that just in DMs or does it have to be face to face?


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[Assistant] Okay, that whole thing he's talking about too, very important piece of business. I had an ex boyfriend who would bring up his ex girlfriend too and be like, gosh, I just went, oh my God, we were hanging out one night and he goes, God, I really miss, I really miss Jill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Excuse me? Yeah, and he's like, yeah, you know, we used to have this ritual where we would watch SNL together every Saturday night. And I just, I really miss her. And I was like, you fucking piece of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm way better than Jill. Like, as a 20 year old girl, you don't go like, oh, you're a piece of shit, I'm done?


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[Assistant] Which is fucking evil, yeaah. That's crazy. And he picked on my weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so evil, but he's right. If you're insecure, which I was, that will fuckin' rope you right in. That's fucked up. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And you liked it. I loved it. Yes. I loved nice. I married nice and I made two babies with nice. Nice is the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twenty... No, no, no, so after that guy, I had a nice guy after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that guy was an anomaly actually. Everybody I dated was good and then I think I just got into like a low place and then that was like a mistake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, still a good human, solid citizen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was sweet. He would never say anything to me like that. Like, you're fat, or like, I just miss my ex-girlfriend. Like, never. Good guys never would say shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is fucking creepy and weird. That's how you create eating disorders. Yeah. If you're like looking a little chunky there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really care. I don't even fuck, bitch. But like, um, yea, cause she put on a few LBs during, like, Obvi.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they were together a long time and she was like in her forties and he was like, I told you, I don't like this. Okay. Like he would flat out be like, I told you, I don't find this attractive when you're heavy.


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[Assistant] I don't think there's any good way to tell somebody they've gained weight. Is there a good way to hear it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't you feel like you know when you're overweight? You know it, but you're just not doing anything yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard the best thing on this podcast yesterday. This guy was overweight for many, many years and never worked out and just like drank and was a piece of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I heard the best, the best reason that he stopped drinking and he got into shape and he said, I was sick and tired of losing all the time.


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[Assistant] Do you think it's like, and also like, scenes of all the family calling him fat and abusing the crap out of him?


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[Assistant] Hold on, at what point do you give me a talking to? Is it 200 pounds? Where you're kinda like, hey babe. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long would I have to go for? Well, how long do you want to go for? Ten pounds.


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[Assistant] Wait, no, no, here's the difference too. Here's the difference too. If I could go sleep away somewhere, I'm not up all night with sick kids. I'm not having children to take care of basically or traveling or podcasting. Like I could just dedicate myself for like two or three weeks just fitness. That would be rad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that I do, I like her more now because that's punk as fuck. I mean, I, I will. Hey, look, Gigi Allen, I was a huge fan of just the antics of like, you know, rubbing shit on your body or rubbing a Coke can on your chest and bleeding. I think that I give mad props. Yeah, that was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well and also if you look at the dress, I underst- does it- it looks like her-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you touching my ass? Well, yes sweetie, your ass is out. Yes. And he was just trying, like I don't, but I don't see it as inappropriate. Like he literally was like,


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[Assistant] I mean, and also imagine the audacity that your concert means that much to somebody, that they're gonna be like, oh, I can't fucking go on cause she had to stop her show early in Miami. Like nobody's that, and if they are that affected, they've got mental problems.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, but now it makes so much sense. If everything is auditory, that's why he puts them on the same level of hierarchical needs or whatever. There's no shame because they're all, it's all audit, you know, it's all one sense.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you want a guy who's not going to abuse you emotionally, but turn it up a little bit. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're animals. And here's the deal, man. I'm not squeamish about eating a lot of things. I've eaten goat, rattlesnake, shark fin soup, chicken feet. I love Chinese chicken feet. This is one I will never try this. Rats. With certainty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This could be, then you could probably, right Chad, does that make a diff? If they're like.


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[Assistant] Isn't that crazy? That was cool, and all that, it's just food and decay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And spinach I hear a lot gets stuck in people's cavities.


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[Assistant] Well that's the thing is she's on this ski trip and I'm like, bitch, you're spending your whole ski trip making these dumbass videos? Like no one, we really don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I will paraphrase one video she made where she's like, did my husband and I?


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[Assistant] Yeah. And she goes, the only thing I asked is that he would sleep with people who didn't live in our city because we live in a big city, but it's not big enough. And I don't want people at school to know in my office, like, well, yeah, dipshit, but now you're on TikTok.


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[Assistant] Can I ask you something? Just listen, hear me out. Josh, it's the girl of your dreams. The girl of your dreams. She's a 10 in every way.


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[Assistant] But she opens her mouth and she's just got the bottom is just full like that. Is it a deal breaker?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here we are. We're back. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House.


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[Assistant] Spex Appeal, that was a series of porn. Uhm, I was given the DVD, uh, the weekend that I worked with David Tell in 2004 or 5. Yeah, I remember it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember this so well, so uhm.


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[Assistant] I'm so stoked because I'm working with David Tell. Yeaah. And then a porn company. Uhm, I wanna say... I know the name. Kickass?


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[Assistant] Definitely don't, no, no, no, no, no. It was called like, I swear to God it was called like kick ass. Okay. And they brought their, they were like, we're huge Atel fans and, and you know, they come backstage and he's super nice and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we brought you some of our stuff. And they came in with like a box of DVDs. So.


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[Assistant] He's like, hey Tom, you want some of these? And I go, yeah. He goes, hold on. Let me pick the ones I want first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he took, he like went through the ones that he wanted, put those aside and then he was like, you can have these. And one of them was Spex Appeal. And the whole premise of Spex Appeal is some girl wears glasses and then when the guy comes, he just shoots it all over her glasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come, come eating coccola. Come slam for fetish too. Yep. Filipinas. I wonder, is there a search? Can you put on, can you see if there's false advertising? Cause we might be able to find. And then you'll get the full story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] False advertising the transsexual porn DVD into my suitcase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also like, you really could be, if you weren't paying attention, like look at False Advertising 3 right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if you just were like, oh, okay, false advert, like if you didn't think about it, sure. The whole idea is like, yeah, this is a hot girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say this, I never realized that like, I don't think I go like, oh that's my thing, but I've never seen a woman in a pair of glasses and not imagine coming all over them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, why don't we, uh, do this the right way and start the show. You ready for it? I'm ready. You're gonna like the way you look with this one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice to have somebody who voices, like, our community. As a guy who, his whole life, I've been like, ugh, I feel stu- I feel silly with this stupid dick that's flopping against my knees. I'm just glad that somebody's talking about it, you know?


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[Assistant] Yeah, well he actually is trying, I mean, it is, there is somebody out there who's like, oh, I guess I'm right, that wouldn't be so great.


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[Assistant] He was advertised and shown to the world as the world's largest dick. So it's not like, I know, but you said, we thought his dick was really big. Like you and I only thought this was a dick.


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[Assistant] So what happened is his penis is actually inside of this growth. You know what I'm saying? So this appears to be just a gargantuan penis. But what it really is, is his penis is inside of this, essentially a tumor, a skin growth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the funny thing about this is, you know, this man was eventually approached by documentary series and then doctors who


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[Assistant] You know, they did these scans, MRIs and all that, and they're like, oh, you're, you're, you're, it's like if your penis, if this is your penis, and it's inside of this, this hand, like this, right? And they go, we can trim all this so you can have a, like a, a normal penis. And he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do it because he liked being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the, the world's largest donkey. Well, yeah, I mean, I think on some level you get it, but also I think I almost get it more if somebody is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's also, it's a non-functioning growth. Like his penis doesn't actually, like he urinates, it like dribbles out. It doesn't get hard. He can't put it in anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see wanting the title for a minute, but I can also be like, no, I remember I would like this to be touching someone.


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[Assistant] Also, I think if he had anything, like if he had something he was passionate about as far as a career or, you know, some, like something that like really excited him in life, he'd be like, yeah, do that so that this is no longer a hindrance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he can't really, but he's just like, no, I like- That's all he has, babe. I wanna be in these documentaries.


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[Assistant] I think what he really likes are the eyeballs. The whole, when he puts on those pants and somebody goes like that, I think that is what actually fulfills him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fantasy I think about big dicks to men, not to women, to men, is that a man goes, oh I want that moment, the eyeball moment, where someone's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, that's what guys want, guys want to always feel impressive. So they want to feel like, you know, you go, look at those muscles and then, and like, ooh, right? So they, they want to feel that or like, you're such a, you know, you're, you're, you make this much money and like, ooh.


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[Assistant] And the big dick in their mind is just another, ooh, like wow. And this guy gets to experience that. He gets to experience people going like, what is that?


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[Assistant] And I think he doesn't want to deal with somebody just looking at him and being like


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[Assistant] Yeah. So you get to, you actually get to experience what that is then. Sure.


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[Assistant] But the thing is it's fun, it's interesting about tits versus dicks. And I think this isn't spoken about enough. Okay. Is that somebody goes, wow, look at those big tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not supposed to inform your ability to be a satisfactory or impressive lover. It's just aesthetic. But the man thing, it's like what he's saying, the woman sometimes sees his dick and she goes like, this is about to be the best experience of my life.


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[Assistant] Because of the size of this. People don't think that would, they don't go, this would be great because of your tits.


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[Assistant] Also, I think ultimately fucking guys don't care what it looks like. They don't care what it feels like.


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[Assistant] 90% of what women get done is for other women, like aesthetically.


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[Assistant] Or, or their own insecurity about it, but it's not because guys are like, oh, I really wish you would fix that.


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[Assistant] Speaking of, we have some woodgy fatters. Yeaah, we do. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I chose me being facts, I don't want to look at you like that.


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[Assistant] Uh, Dear Tom and Christine, I'll let you know that according to my wife, the only acceptable answer to Christina's witch rather is the following. I think I'd rather have you be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got bigger and bigger to the point she was definitely bigger than I was. I was for sure not attracted to her at that point, but I'm not an asshole. I said nothing and I kept hogging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After years for her begging for it, I finally paid for her to have weight loss surgery.


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[Assistant] Who wants to guess what happened when she lost the weight and got hot?


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[Assistant] She decided it was no longer time to be a triple D SLUT.


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[Assistant] Or it was time to no longer be a triple? I don't know what that means.


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[Assistant] Right, so I guess just be a SLUT out in the streets. Or a CECA. So to answer the question, if you're with a shitty person, let that motherfucker be 400 pounds because they suck. You guys are doing good. Justin.


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[Assistant] And it's not because, I hope you know, it's not because it's you, it's just that topic has always, I don't know, I have this reaction to it, I always have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Noooooo. Never. I mean, I had, I had like anybody, uh, snot, you know, drip into my mouth or like that, you know, something drips into your, like, but like actually made the conscious effort to do that. Never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've told this story on the podcast at some point before too, that when I was in God, it was third grade. I think it was third grade.


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[Assistant] You know, old school people that are young now don't know this, but...


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[Assistant] And we would be in the back of a station wagon. You have to look that up too. And no seat belts, no nothing. And we're in the back of this thing.


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[Assistant] Uh, myself, Brian, you know, probably one of my sisters, just fucking around going somewhere, you know, we're kids, we're like 7, 8, 8 years old, 8, 9 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we have pulled up to a stoplight, and at the stoplight, we have a minivan pulls up behind us, and I know the lady driving, it's Mrs. Obsarski, and I'm in school with her son, Steve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, we go, oh, look who it is. And we start waving. We don't realize that, I guess there's some reflective tint.


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[Assistant] I just was like floored. Now that, I don't remember making me nauseous.


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[Assistant] I mean it is I guess a judgment, but it is happening on a deeper level to me.


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[Assistant] That I've heard before. Luckily, I never see it and we don't talk about it. So.


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[Assistant] Look, there's a guy, there's a guy's got a lot of problems. I don't think I need to focus on nose picking with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, yeaah, it is something that I find absolutely physically repulsive, yeaah, I can't even, I dunno, and I'm not like, not gross, I'm sure there's things that you could, it's not like I'm just super,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's not, there's certainly things about me that they'd probably hear me like, that's even grosser. I don't know. But that one in particular has always done something to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think I, well of course not, I think you do is, uh, I would do what I always do, I would just judge him harshly, say horrible things, and then be like, and make fun of it, but I don't think it would have any arousing effect on me whatsoever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the only pornographic material you have. But you also don't have a concept of what you're saying.


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[Assistant] See, but your way you're presenting it at first is like, this is what made your dad come.


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[Assistant] Now you watch. And I'd be like, ugh, for sure I'd judge it so harshly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if it's a discovery at 13 of you're like, Oh, I have access to naked women and them having sex. You're not processing. This is also what arouses my dad. You're just going like, Oh, I, I don't have any stimulus like this. Right. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would, you might do it unknowing, like not knowing that this is- Sure. Okay.


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[Assistant] Probably not because then you figure it out and you go like, I don't want to be anything like you in that, in that regard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daytona, hey Tom, love the NASCAR Two Bears episode. Did you bless the city of Daytona with your thick, thick, hot, white cum? Jim. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, hi mommy, we were just watching last week's episode discussing where time comes. We started a debate based on the cities which have the most cum in it. We were debating on which cities throughout time have the most cum spilled per square mileage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say Greece and he says Mesopotamia. I wanna see if the mommies have a hot take on this with Tom's current tour. I love you. Touch my camera through the fence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, and they also had a, it's a pretty well documented, uh, documented, you know, sexually open society. So that's probably what you're saying that to. I like that. Mesopotamia? I don't know why. Why Mesopotamia? Smart Chad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But how are you not gonna, here's the thing, how are you not gonna say Beijing? There's just so many people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, per-spilt is a real interesting way of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about the Nordics that just would have been pillaged and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's a fuck, isn't it? Is it all sudden? Hey, we didn't fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. You came in Detroit? I don't remember. That was a long time ago. I don't remember. I don't think so actually. I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just how backed up you are and why, you know, if you're fired up or maybe anxious, stressed out, you know, that, that'll affect men too. Like you're like, ah, I'm all pent up. You use it to self soothe. Self soothe, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But a lot of times, you know, there was like a, this tour, there was just movement, right? It was just like land, uh, you know, show, sleep, we gotta get up, we gotta get on the bus, we gotta go to the next, so a lot of those things, it wasn't like, you kind of wanted to have some downtime to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pre-show, I'm already worn out, you know? So you end up actually holding it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because, I mean, I'm not trying to do it like, on the run, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The challenge is like, let's see how long we can hold on to it. That's the challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New culture, new settings, will I be scared?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know man, I don't think I'm gonna be out socializing that much and I am gonna see family, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could have, yeaah. Actually, if this came out, I'm actually just back from Latin America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, okay, you'll like this. We have more tramp stamp submissions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, this is on my pasty white ass. I don't want it removed, but let's be clear. It is trash. Just like Christine's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's another one. Hi mommies. It's not a tramp stamp, but it is pretty horrible. Hope you got a good laugh at this one. My husband does pretty regularly. Thanks jeans. Joe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To have a walking cliche with you like all the time. This isn't some basic bitch's fucking kitchen. You know what I mean? This is like hobby lobby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. There's hearts, there's stars, there's like a bow. This is just like concept to execution dog shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did somebody not talk to you? Like, how did the artist go? Like, were they like, yea fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean all you see, like what you see, what goes through your mind when you see this, like if I'm at the beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, you know, this woman walked by me in a bikini and I saw that I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uhm, number four, I'm very proud of my trampsant of a rat fucking a taco. My mother is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Standing by. Standing by. And he's right, the width. It is the enc- like entire width of her back. That is really impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, no, by the way, no offense to, to Jen, but I would just, my automatic thought would be like, this is a whore. Like if I saw her in real life, I'd be like, this, this chick is an absolute prostitute. Such a, such a hooker. Yeah. Yeah. Angel standing by. What kind of angel? Like a cum angel. Yeah. And lapping up her dress. Absolute hooker. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you know, I think it's up to your own interpretation. That's the problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she's saying, I don't think she's like, there's one near here. I think that she's saying that she is, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, this is a stripper tat, right? Like that's what you see on a, you walk through a strip club, you see the heels, like a picture of the heels and she's walking, she's facing you and you're like, Hey, let's look at this hooker. And then as she walks by, you're looking, it's like angels standing by here. Like that checks out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hookers do that. Yeaah. Yeaah. They do crosses and yeaah. Messages like that, like pray, you know, pray that this will...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean stripper tats, come on, they're notorious for having just like all types of like angelic stuff. That's kind of, they fetishize that. They spin angel into something sexual, you know? A real cum angel, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he had these like, weird as fuck videos, you know? Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like really on the nose messages. Like morality. Yeah, morality videos were like, you know, it was, it was very, there wasn't a lot of subtlety to it. You know, like this was, I believe the, the waiter had a deformity or something. And then the guy's like, uh, he is ugly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you learn a lesson about not judging somebody who has, you know, he's like, I actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, and then you're like, whatever. I mean, I guess this is a lane, right? Like life lesson. And then you learn that these videos have like hundreds of millions of views.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're actually very, they're very popular in a certain international market. I think they actually do, they perform really well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's on YouTube, but they perform real, and Facebook, really well overseas. You know, because like, I mean, no offense to them, but like, I can't really see people that I, like, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's more English second language kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyway, uhm, that channel has just, it's exploded. So they, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They used to have, you know, I think like him and a couple of people would make these and now he has studios in like three sound stages and it's this whole thing. He also documents his life pretty well and he is uber successful. If you go to his Instagram page, he is, you know, he's the guy that, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's his thing. And you know, he'll post like, I think like their things on their, his home life, you know, and it'll be like his family's got a beautiful family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he clearly does very, very well. Like he's, he's become like a very wealthy guy and you know, so he'll, he's one of those people that'll show the, you know, here's my house and he'll be like, holy shit, like this is a fucking crazy house. Right? So meaning that this is clearly working out, like it's doing well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, he uses a lot of the same actors in these videos. They are protesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The work conditions and the wages. Yeah. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, basically one of them said, if you're going to profit off of these morals, you need to at least give the people who are working underneath them the respect of what you are preaching. That's one of his actors, Dylan Harris said that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The studio has grown from a handful of people in 2018 to a company that now runs three soundstages in Burbank. YouTube channel has 17.8 million subscribers and has more than 10 billion views.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The uh, actors say that has not led to better wages or working conditions. Oh wow. He did a post and a lengthy statement on the company's YouTube channel saying many of the upset actors haven't worked for the company in years and they are spreading false information to hurt the studio, my family and me.


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[Assistant] Uh, the actors who protested say they're done with Darman, the bridge burned, uh, their welcome is gone. Their hope is that the studio will eventually share more of its success with the people on screen. So I think they're saying that like this thing has become this mega, mega operation and that he's just like, nah.


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[Assistant] You're a dog shit actor that couldn't get hired to do a fucking commercial.


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[Assistant] For fuckin Walgreens, and you're lucky to be able to sit in front of a camera anywhere.


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[Assistant] Is willing to give you 40 bucks to do his dogshit script.


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[Assistant] You're lucky you get to pretend to be an actor for a week. Say thank you and get to steppin'.


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[Assistant] I couldn't get a job and a real show, so I'm so happy that, you know. Yeah. Hashtag Team Dar.


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[Assistant] One thing he's really going to struggle with is finding new actors in Los Angeles that are willing to do his...


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[Assistant] Yeah, oh, there's studies that'll pay you about $500 more. You just gotta wear your glasses and clean them afterwards, you know?


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[Assistant] I feel like I should jump in here and say, I am way too good of an actor to be in one of your videos, but I would love if you hired Christina.


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[Assistant] No, that's too, you're better than that. You can't, you can't purposely go bad.


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[Assistant] Yeah. But could you do it a little, you have to do a little more faith. Yeah. Like, you're, you're selling emotions to the kindergartners. There's kindergartners watching, so they don't understand what the emotion is.


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[Assistant] The thing is that like, not everybody has beautiful looks, but that doesn't mean that they're not a beautiful person.


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[Assistant] I didn't do Lesley Klein, I did Janet Alhonte. Oh. She was fantastic. Yea. God, I loved Janet Alhonte. Did you see her tits?


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[Assistant] She was a lovely lady. She was just really, she was good, man.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was fun to watch, it was fun to have her work with you, but also it was fun to watch her work with other people. You'd see how she could get it out of someone, you know? I should so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fun. It was fun. It's like behavioral stuff. You're basically working with like a behavioral scientist, you know?


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[Assistant] So instead of trashing him like a lot of people do, the real thing is that it's actually almost courteous of him.


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[Assistant] You know, you met athletes, you met producers, you met actors, you met all these people. I'll get you in touch with them.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And you can actually have a life with them. I'm going back to 19 cause that pussy feels amazing to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think he'll ta- do you think he'll pull the trigger at some point? Like for instance Clooney, was the- like kind of the world's most famous bachelor for years, right? Right. Date and date and date. Then he hit an age where he was like, I actually would like to settle down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she's not as, uh, desirable a piece of real estate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the, where's the meme? Where's the DiCaprio meme? There it is, the first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is his age. And then, so like Giselle turned 25, dumped her. Then he went with Bar, she turned 20, or she was 20, dates her, turns 25, dumped her. Blake Lively, she was just like for a minute at 23.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Erin was for a minute at 22. Tony at 20, 21. Then this Kelly girl at 25 dumps her. Nina for 24 to 25. Camilla was at 20, 21. I think she actually was for longer. So this chart just shows his age escalating.


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[Assistant] And then the age of the women. And he never dates older than 25.


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[Assistant] Like some more press last year, people were talking about it and the girl he was with, he had been with for four years and she turned 25 and they broke up.


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[Assistant] So it is now since 1999 he's been doing this. It's amazing. It's actually very consistent at him. He really doesn't like older than 25.


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[Assistant] And it's not considered a pedophile. Just, if you want to get to the, I remember this because of R Kelly, everybody would call R Kelly a pedophile and people go, well, if you want to be technical,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About it. There's actually a term. What's the term when you're sexually attracted to, um, a teen in that age? It's not pedophile. It's another term. And I just think it's important to, um, uh, what is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in interest, like pu- in pubescent end of it rather than adult. Yeaah. So this is like, I think, what they con- what they consider. Like, what does that drop down say? Okay, that is it there. Efebophilia? Generally ages 15 to 19, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I don't think he actually falls into this category at all. No, he likes, he likes adult, like totally adult, fully grown woman. But I think there's, obviously there's something, there's a physical part of a 20 to 25 year old, but there's an emotional difference between a 20 and 25 year old. Vast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, he, he definitely, his heart on starts and I think it has a lot to do with being a very famous person at a young age. Yeah. And how it completely changes your, your development because you, he grew up in a bubble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he also got super famous. Like he is as famous as you can get as an actor, as an entertainer, you know, he's the most, I would say he's the most famous actor in the world is him and it has been for a minute. And so you don't have a normal attraction to people. And yeah, I think he's just been with these, there's Claire Danes. I love Claire Danes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good, I watched some of that with you. I fucking loved, uh,


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[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, with Gary Oldman. It is so good. It's just super entertaining. And, and, uh, Kristen Scott Thomas is also so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chris and Scott Thomas? Wait, what were we talking about with the Attractive, Attracted to a Certain Age record?


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[Assistant] Remember how I said the big dicks and the muscles make somebody eyes go like woah. You get that feeling as a man if you're in your 40s and you date a 20 year old. Everything is like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's, I think there's a addictive quality to that for him of like, what is this? Cause they're definitely experiencing it all for the first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know if it's quite that stupid, but I think that you're just getting to impress somebody. Yeah. But if she's a 38.


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[Assistant] No, I just think she's like, this is awesome. Like I've actually been here. I was here. I don't think he wants any of that. I think he wants it always all to be. Oh my God. All the way. All the way. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Child actor, child star. Not just actor, but star.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so Clooney got married at 53. How old is Leo? He said he's 46? Um, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's about four years from when


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[Assistant] Uhm, what's his name? Clooney. Clooney tied it, like, locked it down. I mean, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Johnny's 59, but his bracelets and his rings, they're probably a little bit older. Yeah.


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[Assistant] How long does it take him to walk out of the fucking house? Hey, do you have my nine scarves?


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[Assistant] But you're right, that tea starts to dip. You just won't have the drive anymore.


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[Assistant] Wanting to marry ever. I don't know, man. There's also something like really kind of depressing about a guy who's a bachelor forever. And then they turn like 75 and there's like, they're just have an empty house. You know, there's nobody here, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men kind of, most men go like, what am I worth? Not like the financials of it. What am I worth as far as what effort do I put into work? Because if they don't work hard, men without jobs are lost men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, they have zero, they, you can, I've met so many guys who, they are just lost, lost and a mess and like, and all they need is actually just something to work on.


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[Assistant] You know, like, like purpose dry, something that they can put some drive into.


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[Assistant] Doesn't matter. I mean, you know, you need to live so you can't, but it's not like about the level of compensation. But yeah, he has, this was really good. I would, I mean, I would, I would recommend that. Um, is it Stutz? Stutz. S-T-E-Z. It is really good. And I would never watch it. You really get insight into, um, cause that's, I told you where I watched a little bit before you, the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me there's this, it starts, I'm not gonna give away the whole thing, but.


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[Assistant] You know, Jonah's making it about his therapist. It's really interesting and there's interesting things being shared. And at one point, the uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The therapist says to Jonah, well, like, you know, what do you think about, like, basically asks him a question to answer and Jonah's like, well, no, this, this, this is a documentary about you. So I'm not really going to do that. And you're like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's a turn where he kind of agrees to, to open up and it makes it 10 times better. I mean the insight that he shares and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you learn a lot of, I mean, it made me, you know, like Jonah Hill, like a thousand, I already liked him, but I was just like, it's, it's really good. It makes you really, really like him. He's very vulnerable and open and transparent and shares things that you're like, oh wow, it's, it's, I don't want to give it away, but it's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he also reveals a lot of things that he was obviously in the first part of the movie not willing. He was like, no, and then he does and it's, it's compelling to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the tools that that guy shares are tools that like anybody can apply.


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[Assistant] Yeah, really cool. Really cool review. You should do more movie reviews.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy lives with, according to him, a real psycho, I guess in some type of sober living facility or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And because that guy is such a menace to him?


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[Assistant] This guy ends up pissing in his own room in like jars and cans and stuff.


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[Assistant] So I guess he has to, he's gonna show how he has to wash his clothes to avoid them being shit on.


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[Assistant] I kinda wanna get the full story. I feel like we're just getting, you know what I mean? Like, we gotta get the real story. Can we contact this guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that checks out too. Yeah. I mean, that's why I kind of wanted to hear what the story was or like his version of the story. And then it'd be fun to hear the other guy's version of the story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he wrote Greg Sims, like he put the guy's name in this video. He really hates Greg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I didn't really, I mean, Greg looked, you know, just like a wacky roommate cooking in that one. He didn't really seem like he was doing anything crazy, right?


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[Assistant] So has this guy had like some type of psychological break? I think so.


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[Assistant] This is kind of fascinating. I do want it. I want more Intel.


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[Assistant] I think my absolute favorite all time lane of video that I've ever had on your mom's, I mean, it's always happened something to do with somebody suffering, but I, um, I want them to feel something being, you know, just show me that it hurts.


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[Assistant] And I think there's nothing that really does that quite like chiropractic adjustments.


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[Assistant] I wanna, I wanna know, is this actually good for you? Every time I see these I'm like, holy shi-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it looked like it hurt worse than it did. She's more like, also shocked by it. Like she's like, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but she's also like, didn't expect, I mean, she thought her head was gonna come off of her fucking neck, so she's also thankful that she's alive right now, so that's kind of what you're seeing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not MDs, they're not MDs. They're still, I mean, you know, you're really playing with fire here.


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[Assistant] A lot of them, you know, they, I think they've earned their title. You know, some people are just like, these are fucking, you know, what's it called? Like snake oil salesmen. And there probably are some slimy ones, just like they're slimy everything. Some of them really do, you know, they really do help people. Are people swear by their kairos?


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[Assistant] What the hell does that mean? What is a chiropractic ring dinger? That's what it's called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Manual spinal neural decompression, also known as the ring dinger, is a highly specialized method for relieving pressure on the spinal column by stretching the spine along the Y axis straight up to the patient's head. And then what happens, the thing above it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, carefully stretching spine and correcting it to the, take the pressure off the pinched nerves and herniated bulging or spinal, which are gel-like cushions between the bones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what they're actually doing to them. Uh, yeah, but look, people, when the, when the guy goes, I'm doctor so-and-so, they're like, Oh, what's your, what's your field? And they go chiropractic. Everyone's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I kinda got away from them. I'm glad you reminded me to bring them back. They really do make me happy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, sometimes they're really satisfying to watch. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, you see a guy with a fucking, like a really, it seems like a medieval hammer. And then like the huge metal nail and he's like, bah!


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[Assistant] Yeah, he was good. Good dog dad. Yeah, that's true. He wasn't a horrible guy. Oh man. Let's see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta give credit to Dylan, or sorry to Tyler here. You know why?


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[Assistant] He's fully stopped and clearly, some people are doing the drive away. Love you. Love you.


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[Assistant] He's like, okay, thanks, I love you. I mean, that's really how you're supposed to do it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's a couple things here that are specifically pulled for you. Pacific. Pacificly. Oh, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you should be applauded for just remaining humane during a video like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This person had a job at, of all places, you'll never believe where this person had a job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had it at a certain coffee, very popular coffee place. Okay. Um, well, hey, I'll just show you and then we can talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make the export of entertainment a huge American iconic thing that still exists today.


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[Assistant] Pretty cool. Uhm, so this individual though, was a barista at Starbucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The account has been deleted and they lost their job at Starbucks. Starbucks, I feel like they cut you a lot of slack though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can really let you push the fucking envelope there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nationwide, I mean, I'm in different cities all the time. Right after I come, I always just go to Starbucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always see, like I'm saying, it's a very queer friendly, uh, you know, institution. Like they really, um, encourage individuality, um, people can wear their, their sexuality and their gender literally on their sleeve. And so it's a very inclusive environment, I feel like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things have changed. I would go as far to say that if you are, uh, queer and you're like, where can I get hired? I'm gonna go ahead and just say you need to go to Starbucks. Honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have great benefits. It's a great place to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can be yourself there. I mean, I'm telling you, I've traveled this country extensively and I'm in them all the time and people are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I bet, I bet it's uhm, not the most pleasant experience to buy a coffee from this person. Yeaah. Yeaah, that's uhm, yeaah, that's not exactly- I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The accent too. He didn't, he didn't like stammer through it, you know?


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[Assistant] But I also feel like if it was your daily spot, like this would be like a fun one-off. You wouldn't believe what happened today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you were daily going there and dealing with this person's shit, it might wear on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you go like, hey, what's going on? They're like just looking at this Jew behind you and you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, Jean, here's your, some talks you have here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's your fan. She is. She's a huge fan. Uhm, this is a pretty, uh, I mean, it's remarkable. I've seen some people like, with this in life, which have no hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She has no hands. She's at a diner. It's not the best place to record video obviously because it's loud. But she's stirring a cup of coffee with her foot and then is gesturing and like doing this with her foot as she talks about basically don't ever give.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think, like a lot of people watching this, you go, those things could make me cum so fucking hard.


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[Assistant] Like, if she can pick up a cup of coffee like that, can you imagine what she can do to it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just so you know, this shuts me the fuck down. I mean, there's not even one part of this that I like. Gosh, you're so close minded. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I just found the person that I dislike more than vines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd fucking rather hang out with vines for eternity than this Dairy Queen lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I would love to do? I think about this a lot. I would love to be in a room with one of these people and see any in the room too. Cause I just feel like it would be so fun to watch him shit in person, uh, without control of his bowels as he's like, okay, sit here man. And then there you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is this is like a, this feels like it's always happening in the same region.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have my Richard Mille watch. I have Rolls Royce, got tigers in the house. And you're like, huh? What? You got what in the house?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was heard the waxing, I didn't know it was like, I didn't know it was like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, every once in a while you do it. Worthwhile informative talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, are to prevent, the primary reasons for waxing are to prevent water loss, making up for the removal and washing of the natural waxes and fruits that have them, particularly siltrists, but also, for example, apples, and thus slow the shrinkage and spoilage and to improve appearance. I always thought it was appearance only that was the reason. Same. I didn't know that it actually has, um, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the function that it would help retain water and prevent spoilage quicker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After apples are picked, they are washed before they appear in the supermarket to remove dirt and chemical residues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing that stands out the most for me, I watch, I follow a lot of nature accounts, you know, is I think most people don't realize how fucking incredibly massive and strong a giraffe is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like you, you go to the zoo, have you ever gone to the zoo and seen a giraffe up close and you're like, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you always think of them from photos or like kids books. Yeah. Oh yeah, the long neck. And you're like, look at this. There's, he's dragging four lions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's, that's how they kill. They kill, they swing their neck at people and kill them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably they were at the leg hindering it's galloping away and then another one grabbed the other leg and then that third one probably jumped up on its back because it's trying to snap its spinal cord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what it's trying to do. They're used to a smaller prey where that does, where actually they asphyxiate it, you know? So they either break the spinal column, like the neck, or they just choke them out. But this animal is so big that it's, it's probably just trying to do something to the neck so that, cause they know that the neck instinctively, they can kill some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna wear this motherfucker out, yeaah. And it probably got separated, you know, the drafted. So that's what they do. They go after old, young, sick, or alone, you know. That's what the, that's what animals in the wild do. So this one was probably with a whole group, got away, and then they're like, let's go eat this motherfucker. Yeaah. Pretty cool. And uh, yeaah, those aren't tigers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Top Dog loved nature stuff, so I feel like I watched a thousand nature docs as a kid. I mean, we always had to, you know, it used to be a thing that they would release a series, like a nature series, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the 10, you know what I mean? Like the 10 disc series of like, this is the mountains thing. This one's about these animals. So we just were always watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The latest one is something, I forget what it's called, something world or something earth. It used to be Attenborough, but I feel like there's another person that narrates now. He's like a fucking hundred and fifty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, oh, look at these hyenas disembowel this pregnant fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been watching vampires enchant me. There's a few, but his is definitely the best. I follow a few of them. There's no comparison. His is the shit. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it actually, it shows you. So what's that? Is that a cheetah? It looks like a cheetah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, these motherfuckers can hit 70 miles an hour. It is wild. In a spurt, you know. Fucking A bro. Not continuously, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this, those porcupine, that porcupine must have had uhm, basically the theory that that, I remember seeing that one, that that meerkat probably burrowed into a hole and there's a porcupine in there. You know, cause it's just showing you like this is the reality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck. Yeah, there's a lot of that. There's a lot of- What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, crocs have different bites. Also, they're bigger than gators. Yeah, you can, a lot of times you can tell by the way the jaw looks, but uhm, what the fuck are they eating there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like it might be a hippo carcass it says. Yeah. It's rad. If you don't follow nature as metal, get on board, but not if you have a weak stomach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this is so cute. And then let's watch it get eaten by something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's one that shows a bear in the backyard killing a deer and the deer screams like a human.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this isn't it. Uhm, the deer screams, the deer's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely stay away. And don't think you can stop a bear from eating its brain. Fucking psycho. I know. We'll see you guys next week. Okay. Love you. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His name is, uh, Jasper, uh, Jasper from Freestyle Sports LLC. I call him Jasper the Friendly Coach, aka Kratos the God, aka the Beast. Okay. Uhm. God. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's both how we trained. It was hilarious. Like when he said that, my heart dropped. I'm like, I wanted to say it, but I'm like, I probably shouldn't say this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate y'all, man. You were an insane opponent. I literally used 100, I wanna say 200% of my energy to make that happen. So you did not make it easy. It looked like it. It looked like you guys were gassed at the end of this thing. It was so funny because both you and his coach were both like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I talk to you please, girl? Life feels like hell without a girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what to talk to, always think about, to make me a better person, and to bring the best out of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing wrong with being horny girl. It's part of life. Everyone's different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've seen a few of them actually. My fans came out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so good to see you, man. Thank you, it's great to see you guys. I haven't been in this studio yet. That's pretty cool, right? Yes, it's wonderful. Uhm, you're here, you were at the mothership last night? I did go to the mothership. They beamed me up. Yep. Have a good time? Yeah, it was so much fun, dude. It's a rad place. It's crazy how new and beautiful it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. I saw Joe a couple times and I just, every time I saw him, I just went, thank you. Yeah. I think he got annoyed probably. I think we're all so grateful to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of course. And there's all the tunnels and it's like Disney World. Yes, it's like the Disney World for comedians. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all right by each other. It's all, I mean, so if you go out, say you're just here for like tourism, go out and about, you're gonna find a good comedy show like at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm entertaining it. This could be my reveal of like, hey, I'm back baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lower the deluge of requests that I was just inundated with by so many people. It got too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like homework because cameo they like count down, like you have to do it by this hour. I'd set my alarm and wake up and be like, oh, and try and like cram it in, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it became, I was, so I wasn't even giving it my all, exactly. I'd wake up and I'd be like, I wasn't even giving it my whole heart, you know, so I felt terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I started at 50 and it got crazy. So then I went to 100. Okay. For the holidays. And uh, I did do a discount I think for like Christmas time. But uhm, yeaah, it was at 100 at one point and it was still too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I gotta go 250, yea. If I'm coming back out of retirement, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were two minutes, I would up it a little bit for this new price and because I am doing less, I can then put my whole self into them and give up my all, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I do a little sexy, hey. You know, you move them around. I would do a lot of dirty talk with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's the thing, I think I can find my love for the game again, you know, I can come out, it's like when Michael Jordan put on the 45 jersey, he had to like find basketball again. That's the way I would come out and it would be, the price would be higher, I can really put myself into it again and I'll find my love again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be good. I would love to hear, I would love to have reaction videos. I did get one from Corey Taylor that one time. That was the only reaction video I had. We played it on the show, I remember. What was that? When Corey Taylor from Slipknot received a shoulder hair porn for Christmas and they filmed him watching it. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I would like more, I would like to know the fruits of my labor. That would be a nice little addition to my, maybe it would make me feel more satisfied and I would love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hahaha, lol, it's a shoulder porn, there's a couple of those, but there's a few who are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? I would. I would like that, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta go, you know, honestly, Cameo has been so loyal to me. Yea. I don't know that I can just go about things. I would do OnlyFans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Working off in unique positions could be your thing. Like sideways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you bored just coming, you know, into your belly button basically? Yes. You gotta pick a different, yeah. That's what I'm saying. You gotta do like, you're doing a push up and you're jerking off or something. Yeah. Yeah. Flip your legs over your head and shoot on your forehead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're the right guy. Okay. Let me tell you how you can maximize your profits. Okay, hold on a second. Let me see that. So, you get them in with a monthly, now I'll take notes out there, everyone, please. You get them in with the monthly price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you throw a little, that's like your, just your subscription. For you, you gotta make it good. 25 bucks. Wow. Is it monthly fee? Yes. Okay. I mean that's, that's high, right? Yeah. So now you're given, this is access to your timeline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And on it, you have to give nice things to keep them into it. Keep them into the 25 bucks. But, then in the DMs, you're mass DMing your subscribers pay-per-views.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And those can be pricey because that's where they get the full load. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean like you get the full, you jerk off, you come, you eat it, whatever you want to do. Right. That's where like the maximized profits come. I love this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, there's gotta be, you gotta put some bells and whistles on it. Some frills. Gimmick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come into a bucket. Come into a bottle. Like maybe, I don't know. Targets. That's cool. Maybe you do the workout thing. You put egg weights on your wrists and jerk off. Oh yeah. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think, man? I love that, I mean, hey, I feel like I've lived that. I mean, and I am from out of town. You are from, the out of town game works. No, he's not wrong, he's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taking my actual existence and put it into a, I don't go anywhere. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he's like, I'm not really going out of town, but I play it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like a little face to face. I mean, DMs are scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one might be not dealing with a full deck here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's the out of town thing. You go like, ah, my plane, you know, turns out I got to get back for a meeting. You say meeting a lot. I don't have any fucking meetings. Yeah. Not to blow up my own spot. So if you're meeting. I don't like you. You're a down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who have gotten charged with- I mean, what was the documentary I just saw where like a guy just went into like his daughter's dorm and got all the people in the dorm to like fuck and like made like a sex cult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he ended up like just doing the same thing, like breaking them down. That's what cult leaders do, right? Yeah, yeah, sure. It's all, it's all a mind game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So skinny. Oh, I just wish you were as light as Joe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucked up. See, I was, I mean, this is how dumb I am. I always thought those were the things like, oh, I don't want to like, be an asshole. Of course. And then you say like nice things and they're like, I have the ick. Yeah. Like, oh, I was nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know which, I didn't wanna misgender his Asianness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, that's actually better than just doing the like shitty little like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I remember when you fit into those pants or something like that, you know, like he's direct. Yeah, I like, I like that better was just like, Hey, you're getting a little gross and maybe we tighten it up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not gonna lie, it would be cool if you just kinda like, got it, got it fit a little better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also when you know it too, when you're like, I know you're lying. That's like, just shut up dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, then you're, uh, the field goal post moves or whatever. Yes. And it's like, oh, I can, I'm good right here. Okay. I'm good. I can let it slip a little more maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like that whale movie. I haven't watched it. I would never watch that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have plenty of people that look like that in America. I'm sure one of them is an actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I hope there's just scenes of just his day to day. I want to see him wash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, me, by a mile, what are you talking about? That she would, she would want to fuck me still, my spouse. At 400. You guys had the same relationship. So I'd rather it be 400, I don't care about my organs and I don't want to fuck, is she hot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people are like, that fat fuck has that hot lady. Other way around, they're like, Josh, have some pride, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I would like to have like a movie deal, like Christian Bale, where it's like, you have to be Batman. So he's like, I guess I'm just working out constantly for like the next five months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is something again to the alphaness of being like, can you believe I'm fucking this chick when I look like this? God damn dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's lime green though. Yeah. So I mean, she put that in there. She put it in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's more like she just blew a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is less puke and more like, I just blew a guy and this is like the load that I have in my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty cool, man. Yeah, that was cool. That was pretty hot. Can I get that one for later?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was cool. And it was lime green, it wasn't like real puke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was my whole existence, this concert. Like, I would be like, alright, well, that's scary. Yeah. I don't like that at all. No. Like, if you had to cancel a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna go see Theory of a Dead Man one time and they didn't show up and Biff Naked came. And I was like, I don't know who the hell that is. I watched him anyway.