[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was an oversight in the Procter & Gamble brand discussion. The brand discussion was great, but would have loved to hear the gang discuss the logo controversy around the Satanist symbolism. Dustin, I'm glad you're here for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I go, the H is still there. You go, yeah, it's just not, just say the H is there. It's not the route you're probably going to take. Yeah. Just don't be obnoxious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would say it's too aggressive a symbol for what they apparently do.


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[Assistant] Like the name Procter & Gamble, this is like, I would like that, you're like, what are they? This is like some evil.


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[Assistant] And then you're like, yeah, well dude, this is a lot. That's a lot.


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[Assistant] You're overthinking this dude. Like they're, it's so funny to be like their job is to, what do they do? They do the advertising or they. They make a bunch of stuff. They make, they own these brands. Yeah, they own the brand. So to own the brands, which is meaning you have to come up with branding to sell it.


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[Assistant] And then to be, well, your main thing is that bad is crazy. Like, I mean, you're, it's a shock that they even made it in the.


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[Assistant] I know, but I just, I think that they could be like, he's never been on Phil, Phil O'Donoghue, but he's never been on the show.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they never asked Phil Donahue about it. Yeah, they never called Phil Donahue and just say, hey, was he on there and said that? No, I don't think so. Why would we have the Procter and Gamble guy on Phil Donahue? I have like, you know, I have like married couples fist fight.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it would be, yeah. Yeah, I don't, I disassemble, this is a, it is a lot. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Now it's just PNG. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Chad Anders. We have an entire episode about peanut butter, potato chips, and various other junk food. But no mention of the weight loss challenge. The people need an update. I have an update. I actually wigged myself today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's been doing great. Uh, we just count calories, calories in calories out. Uh, you know, I'm not saying it's the right way, the wrong way. I don't like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a big, if whatever works for you can work for you, like do whatever. If you're trying to lose, like if you're trying to lose weight, just do whatever you think you should do. Whatever you probably should do.


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[Assistant] Like, no one's fluctuating like that. No one's like going like Atkins and then getting down to like 50 pounds.


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[Assistant] And then they just have Brad, now they're next day 200. Like if they have the determination to get to that 150, then they can keep it at that 150. Even if it was like, hey, you should probably not do Atkins anymore. It's not. I know it helped you here, but then, you know.


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[Assistant] We did it with, uh, someone gave me, like I'm eating, I eat this halo top ice cream, which is great.


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[Assistant] Uh, 300 calories and then, uh, we do, I've learned though, like you want to eat protein cause I can, like if you eat something kind of garbage, like I'm going to be hungry, uh, I mean very quickly after and I will be starving. So then you can start being like, all right, well, I want like some meat. I want protein. I want something that I know will fill me up. And then, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, we, I ate, uh, Haribo or Haribo, whatever those gummy, sour gummy bears. Cause I mentioned those, so we had a nice, uh, couple brought me some of those this weekend. And, uh, they were, they were there in the medical field. They're doctors or something, you know. And, but I ate, you look, I looked at the servings, I could eat 12 of them. It's 110 calories.


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[Assistant] And so you're like, I'm still like, I now I could do that as a meal. Like you can eat Oreo cookies. If you do calories and lose weight, you would feel miserable. You won't ever feel full, but it was like nice to be like, why I ate 12 of them. I love them. 12, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last night I had a little packet of Sour Patch Kids cause I was like losing it and that was, it's, I think it was 110 calories. Like you're just doing that, I don't want to go down too far road that cause that's the road that I get stuck where I'll be like, well I'll just eat the whole bag. But it's like you kind of go like.


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[Assistant] And, uh, yeaah, it does. I love it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think I did that too. Like you can keep it slow, but this weekend I just...


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[Assistant] Like you're living in a desert for many years. I gotta make it last. This is my candy right here. I gotta work it. Uh, Dion double.


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[Assistant] You both had us in stitches with your 100th episode approaching. I think you guys might get a laugh from looking back at a master list of every nickname for Big Daddy Bates from the start of the show.


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[Assistant] Do we have it? Oh yeaah. Oh wow. How many are-


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[Assistant] Broomstick. T-bone. I like summer, not bees. Lunch lady.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, we'll post that on, uh, something. But breakfast is the most popular, right? Yeah, breakfast was like, I think kind of how it started, but it's just, I mean.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Boat ramp is pretty, boat ramp is pretty good too. Yep. Cause that's so. Big lot bait. I like that. Big lots of bait. Yeah.


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[Assistant] We love our Helix Sleep mattress and it was unbelievable to box. Uh, as it's still, I love that it, when it came in, it just comes all the way out. When you see it, blows up. It's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have the Helix Dusk Luxe. It has medium support and everyone that sleeps on it is surprised how good they sleep. Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preference for the perfect mattress for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody is unique. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot. Mattress is great for spinal alignment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're looking for matches, take the quiz. You order the matches that you were matched to and the matches comes right to your door, shipped for free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try it out for 100 nights, risk free. Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 and by GQ and Wired Magazine. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows at helixsleep.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, Viori, I'm wearing Viori today. Uh, I got this Viori jacket. Uh, I did, they, I met the guy that owns Viori and he was at Troubadour Golf. And, uh, I told him he did his podcast and he loved it. And, uh, and then he, and then they gave us, and I've wore this jacket, I mean, almost every day. It's an awesome.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's like a runner's jacket, I guess, but I mean, I wear it like everywhere. Uh, the whole pod, Chris loves their Viori. Uh, Laura still has, uh, she wears her performance jogger with a halo hoodie. I had the halo pants on last night. Uh, I got the workout shorts now that I'm, I'm, we're walking as part of exercise. We do, uh, walk on the 12.5 incline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At 2.6 and we do, we're at 15 minutes, then we'll go to 20 minutes. On a treadmill? On a treadmill. And so you can keep track of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, also in my, you know, War Viori when I was walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The website is very easy to order from, not cluttered or busy, seriously order some today. If you already have an investment in your happiness for our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Vioriclothing.com slash Nate. That is V U O R I clothing.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns. Go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think so that you say you're, you think it's a skunk.


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[Assistant] Did you ever find out if I smelled or? Just any of it. I mean, I'd imagine you wouldn't be the first person that formed on the Opry and smelled like a skull. That's probably true.


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[Assistant] That's hook up out here. So I was off the grid this weekend.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so we're staying at this, uh, hotel and the back is this. So that's, they got this mountain. So one of the last days we were like, Hey, let's go on a hike. Right. Me, Eric, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm a skinny man now. So me, Eric, uh, the barber and Chase and my son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd rather people still come up to him and he doesn't know why. Chase is his merch guy. Okay. Yeah. But everybody, people go up to him and ask him if he's my son because people thought.


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[Assistant] We go on, we end up going on a 10 mile hike. Wow. And so, and I think.


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[Assistant] I want to say either 3,000 elevation or 1,000. Like it was a crazy amount of elevation we changed. So we were starting at the bottom. So these are ski slopes.


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[Assistant] So there, so we go up and we, we start going like sideways up and down, down the trail that you can kind of walk it. And then we're like, well, it's getting, I mean, dude, in this point, you get in the shade up there. I mean, it feels like it's 45 degrees and then we have shorts on. We're snowing the ground, right? Oh yeah. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So one point we're like, well, we're not going to make it to the top.


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[Assistant] If, uh, we keep going the long, you know, kind of the zigzag way. So Eric, who's.


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[Assistant] A lunatic is like, well let's just run, you know, we're following the ski lift.


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[Assistant] And he goes, well, the ski lift is right there. It's like, that's the top. And we get to one point and it wasn't the top. And he goes, I think that's the top. And you're like, I'm not going to, at this point I'm like, I can't do any more of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, we've been hiking for hours. And, and I, like, who knows if that's the top? We can't see, it's like, whatever. So he's like, I think it's the top. So Eric runs up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, it comes back, I mean, like four, thirty minutes later, we're just kind of waiting on him.


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[Assistant] And so this is, so we made it to the top. This is the top. And then, uh, it's, this was, it's, this is a black diamond slope. So it's me, Chase and Eric. We find these poles. We got a view of Lake Tahoe at the top.


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[Assistant] It's, I mean, there's a post office, there's a post office building up there. It's kind of crazy. And then go to the next one.


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[Assistant] And then, yeah. And so, I mean, this is it. So we have to, so now to come back, cause we're like, all right, well, what's the easiest way back? Walk down the diamond slope. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just walking down, I mean, it's a diamond, from the top, we just go straight down this thing in the snow. Did someone fall there? Uh, that was me sitting down.


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[Assistant] Cause I, I mean, I only fell a couple of times, but dude, it would be, I was like, well, maybe if I slide, but I'm scared to slide, there's rocks and stuff under all this. And so like when it's the snow's up, you're not going to hit it. I'm scared to slide. Oh, at the top two, by the way, we, the water we had, I drink water, uh, right before I went hiking, put it down and had no water.


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[Assistant] So we went on like what we thought was going to be like an hour hike and now we're into like hour four and a half.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I don't know how long it's been up there. I mean, like, there's like, it's not like I'm in the...


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[Assistant] You know, I'm at the top of the ski slope, so like there's water bottles of water like everywhere cause people drop, but most have been drank out of. This was still sealed? This was still sealed. Okay. That's for you then, man.


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[Assistant] If they, they would, I would've, I would've drank it. So we drank that and then we came down. There might be a video of us walking. The other one is it's, uh, yeah, I don't, it don't even have to worry if it's going to do a whole thing. Uh, yeah, it was, I mean, it was wild, dude. Like it was the most.


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[Assistant] It's, this is Eric, so Eric basically just skied down it with his feet.


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[Assistant] Help the old guy, his dad. Well there's a point, it is. You do, you know, you come 43, you're like, I'm not gonna get myself. Yeah. This is, I don't want to get hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing this. And as I mean, I fell down, I tried, then I was like, well maybe if I slide a little bit as I sit down, that's the coldest thing ever.


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[Assistant] And so then I just was basically, you kind of got a zigzag back and forth a little bit. And then I finally got to some dirt and then we got down. I mean, we were gone for four and a half, five hours. You did about 10 miles. He said it was, yeah, that's pretty.


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[Assistant] Well, I do like hiking. It's fun. I mean, it's, you know, I did not bring my phone. I had, that was kind of a day. Like I had some call, like I had just some career stuff that it was like, and, uh,


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[Assistant] And so it was like, I was like, I'm not leaving, bring my phone. And I just went out and like, it was, it was so great in the fact.


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[Assistant] That like I had like kind of, it was like, you know, a stressful day in a career day, but it was, uh, our frustrating day in a career day. And so like, it was, it was like.


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[Assistant] Uh, it was so nice that like when I came back, you felt like so satisfied. Right. Accomplished. And then I had to do a call right after when I got back and it was like just nice to be like, and I call you like, uh, you know, all right.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, yeah, I'll do whatever. Like I'll just do my own thing. And, uh, so yeah, it is very satisfying, but I hope it's, I hope I don't have to do that much to be satisfied. Like that was like, you know, I mean, but you just feel like.


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[Assistant] I mean, we weren't even on the hard hike. We were, I promise you, 30 minutes in this hike.


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[Assistant] We need to get down. I mean, we don't think we're going to be in trouble. We're on ski slopes cause it's like, I know everything just goes down and so everything is.


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[Assistant] That way. But I mean, you look around, I mean, these mountains dude, like it's, it's, oh, uh, this is where Donner Pass is. So I posted that picture. I was on Donner Pass Road.


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[Assistant] When we went down there. So these are the ma- I mean, these aren't the exact mountains, but the Donner Mountains are right there.


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[Assistant] So if you go to Lake Tahoe, it's like 25 minutes is like, you could, and you can go, I think you can go hike where it's like, you know.


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[Assistant] Oh, oh yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. Yeah. So there was, it's all from there. And so late time, uh,


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[Assistant] It is like, you can see it though, like, it's funny, I wanna- Oh, they got trapped on the mountain and then they had to be-


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, yeah, I wasn't right, I mean, there's, you know, I mean, you see, I'll be honest with you, you see Ritz Carlton's son right behind me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we were up there, but at one point we go off another route.


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[Assistant] But we lose track of the mountain, I mean right at this point we know where we're at. But we lose, there's points where you can end up going where we were, we got off so sidetracked.


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[Assistant] Uh, and that it was on one way that we had, we looked at his compass to be when we were like north south. So we knew, all right, north is four, but then you're like, where's our hotel at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, and you're like, well we know south is, so we're like talking about which way to go. And you know you gotta go down the mountain.


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[Assistant] Uh, it was great. It was, it was, it was, it was...


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[Assistant] Pretty thrilling. That's awesome, man. We need to go do the Don. Next time I go, uh, I got shows in Reno. I might go, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do the, uh, Donner pass maybe go. Do they have.


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[Assistant] They have a little museum and stuff, uh, but I mean, I bet it's like, I bet you could go walking now and you'd be like, y'all die from it. You know, that's probably the hard part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, they had to go over those. Right. There's not like now there's a hotel there and it's like, we go, it's still hard. And I mean, this is a hard, hard hike.


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[Assistant] Uh, I mean switched into borderline climb cause we just were going straight up this mountain. So it's not easy. Yeah. And then you look at what they had to go through. I mean, they, it was, you just saw like where the mountain went down and you go, let's try to go through that part. And they got snowed in. Yeah. Feet and feet of snow. It's the dead of winter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were up there for months, right? We have people that listen to podcasts that are, uh, descendants from the Donner family. Yep. Yep. Yep. So, uh, today we're talking about, uh, let's get into, it's about eating people, the end times and off the grid, right?


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[Assistant] Electricity goes out for a couple of days. I don't know. Brian might not have made out of it.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Do you have stuff prepped? Like you have food? Yeah, I got a couple of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm joking, you talk about it but you don't get the lo- the point, you don't want to get the location.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I would do, I want to buy some land. I get the idea of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, I could see, I like, I remember reading it as a gas station, so they sell like a truck stop, they sell prepper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you just have somewhere to go and if you have some stuff stocked there, I don't know, it's just the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Not long. Not long. They did, they've done it over the toilet paper. Well, baby formula right now. Right now baby formula. But it's, it's, yeah, so like it wouldn't take much. And so I, I, I, I get it. I get like wrapping your head around like having something that's like you can go to and you know, and then you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would, yeah, it would get real. It is scary cause it's like you're relying on so many other people.


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[Assistant] And so if it goes down, well, you know, the people at the top are going to be fine because they're there. They have somewhere to go. And then the rest though, you're like, yeah, no one's going to be looking out for you. No, it's just a free for all down here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's pretty big. It's a farm. Yeah. No snakes. No snakes. Yeah. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would prepare, you know, I looked up, there's the, there's off the grid stuff. You can, people can build underground homes. You can have these underground things. I mean, they're, and they get so, and they can be $10 million and you can have it where it's, it's like a five, six bedroom thing under, like under.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, just under somewhere. Like you could have it, like if there was a nuclear attack or there was something. I mean, so it could be like tornado shelters, like you could go down and you just, you know, somewhere small and it's like, you just sit around. But I mean, it gets crazy. I mean, they can build, you could, you could, I mean, they have like where you could, uh, you grow food on there. You have like all this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but there, there, I, I could definitely, there's enough happening that you're like, I don't, I mean, I don't think you can make fun of someone that thinks about it. You'd be like, I don't know, dude. Like if, if you entertain the thought of just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, being like, yeah, I might, I don't know. You just, when you start thinking about how much you rely on people, on other people that don't care about you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do people get ads from like stuff that we say on their phones? They say they do. Oh, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just in the news. Yeah. Yeah. I wondered that'd be fun. People, these are just regular people that might be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be anybody. I'm like, yep, that's it. I don't, uh, I, I don't use it. I take it off. Uh, I'd rather use my cell signal in a lot of, just cause sometimes the wifi just, I'm gonna shut your phone down. Like it attaches and then you're like, now you can't even use your phone. It's like, it's getting onto someone's weird wife, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't even make you like, hey, you want to go like we've never been. So you like, we started the clock and once we invented this clock, we were at 17, like it's almost midnight. It's always been almost midnight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, like, it's only been bad news.


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[Assistant] And like that's, so like, and it's something that's only bad news. I'm not saying we could be, who knows what's going to happen, but it's the idea that you're, they don't, scientists don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the point of science, is that you don't know and you're like, well we're 100 seconds. You're like, stuff goes good, you're like, oh we're back to whatever. I'm at 100 seconds?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what is a second? Like if you can move the time back, it's like, what is, what is any of it even mean? Is a hundred seconds a hundred years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, his movies are just kind of like crazy and like it's a very, you know, it's like what I, it's just a fun mindless movie. But like the guy that's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing it, uh, he's, he said the moon, I dunno, he figures out something the moon's coming on us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's a guy that no one believes and it ends up being a guy that ends up being, well, he's the one that actually figured all this out. So that, that's the thing that's always kind of crazy to me. I don't remember what I was saying at the beginning, but it was, it's the, the, it's always going to be someone outside, not inside that thinks of it. And so it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put the guy in jail and then you have a scientist that goes with the moon. They go, this guy's brilliant. You're like, what's the, yeah. You know, how do you get to that job? You got to earn it. I guess that's where you get to have tenure. Yeah. That's where you get the conspiracy part of people. Cause they.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like, well they just stay on their side doing like, we'll figure this stuff out. But a lot of the stuff, sometimes ends up being like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other volcanoes. Yeah. Yeah, that, uh, you know, we, there was a volcano, uh, we saw Mount Rainier, this, uh, at a fly out of Seattle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's, that was 1980. And you're like, we have a lot of volcanoes, dude. It's crazy that none of them are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know. Yeah, like, I mean, you're hearing about them some, but you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, man, there's some that you're like, dude, if they erupt, they said they found, uh, ashes in Boston from Mount St. Helens. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it's like if one of those go, you're like- Yeah, the volcano's terrifying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not all bad. So if you were in the killzone, is it just cause like you die immediately or you die like it's like the lava eventually gets to you or you can't breathe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that, you know, it's funny that, uh, now this is coming from my driver, but he was like, we were saying that he's like, everybody's due for everything. Everything's due. Everything's always due. And so they, they've been, you know, when you hear that they've been due for it since the eighties and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, not saying that you're not, we're due for everything. So it's like, you gotta go like, all right, well, you know, it's, I don't know. You can't just go live life scared. Cause you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were due in the 80s. Uh, when that Mount St. Helen, uh, exploded too, the guy told a story about there's a guy that lived on the side, a cabin in the mountain. And so they had enough warning that they told everybody, just get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I think, I want to say 56 people ended up dying, but it was almost like the people that died were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had the warning. Everybody was telling you to get out. They knew every, you know. And one guy, his name was Truman, and he had a cabin on the mountain and he goes, I'm gonna stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, you know, something natural like that. It's not like it's standing up to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's a pretty new one that's out on Netflix. This one's been out a month or two. It's already gone through an awards cycle, you know?


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[Assistant] Interesting. I'd like some good one day. I'll stick with the glasses.


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[Assistant] So yeah, I did it 10 years ago. It's awesome. Yeah. And, uh, does it stay forever or does it go away? You might eventually need readers or something like that. Yeah. But right now I don't, I mean, I think I have 20, I have 2015 vision. Wow.


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[Assistant] Maybe I could, there's a couple times now I can see like stuff's a little bit harder for me to...


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[Assistant] Last time I went to the doctor, I was like 2015. And so, I mean, I probably do to go to the eye doctor again, but, uh, it's, yeah, I was like, yeah, I mean, it's pretty good. And I'm not just saying, as the age, you know, you just have trouble reading something. I don't have trouble looking at something on someone's phone.


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[Assistant] Like I have a lot of friends that are like, you know, Lorik does.


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[Assistant] Well, you have a helicopter. I mean, that's, Burr talked about it in his act. He's got his helicopter license. It's basically just so you can go up. Straight up and out. Straight up and out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but I mean, if you, look, if your priorities could be whatever your priorities are going to be.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't know how much helicopters, I'm sure they're very expensive, but I'm sure you can find a helicopter that I don't know. You know, if this was your life, you could find someone that's not a millionaire that's like, well, I got a helicopter. He saved up, he figured out some way to get what he needed, what he needed to get out if he's true.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so this is an Earthship, and this is the pic- like- I swear he was making fun of me about stuff.


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[Assistant] And then there's no, so your phone, that stuff is gone. I mean, I guess you could still use your phone. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They have what, but like if everything went down, you're like, it's almost like you would just lose self-service. Yeah, and that's about it. And that's about it. You'd be able to do everything else. Yeah, the rest is self-service.


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[Assistant] Oh, that everything clap. Well, maybe when you see the people running towards your earth.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, yeah, I like that he's doing it. I definitely love that. And then, but it's like, that's the only thing that made me nervous is like, you're doing something that everybody knows about.


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[Assistant] So it's like, go build a nurse ship and go do it and don't tell anybody where it's at.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Breaking Bad. Drew Goddard who wrote Martians from New Mexico. Oh really? That's probably where they film a lot of them, Mars footage.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the guy wrote a book about it than he wrote. Yeah, he directed it. I don't think he directed it, I think he...


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[Assistant] I think it's a world problem. I think it's not a, yeah, it's not like China or Russia or something.


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[Assistant] It's Norway, yea, they haven't, they just kind of leave everybody alone, right?


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[Assistant] And I think it's literally the best place to live. If the world, if a meteor hits earth, I think everybody's wars will probably calm down.


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[Assistant] Well, you'd hope so. Well, but I mean, I think you would like, just be like, well, we all gotta survive. Like, you know what I mean? Like, then Norway's got all the power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if everything, if something goes down, they have all the power. But I guess we go tackle.


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[Assistant] They keep bringing up dumb stuff. You're like, God, dude, I can't get any baby for me. Oh yea, well Jupiter has, uh, uh, they do pickleball up there.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Like last week. Yeah. Oh, they're trying. I mean, they're, they're basically coming clean. They're just like, yeah, they're here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a lot of stuff. They've all had fires or airplanes crash into them. And yeah, it's just a bunch of like weird stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's Scott doing? Yeaah. Do you ask her that? How's Scott doing? Yeaah. He doing alright? Yeaah. Yeaah. Get him on the pod. About aliens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, but it's also like why, or why is it like changing, why is everything changing to be, uh, just quicker?


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[Assistant] Like it, you know, it's, I don't know, just being different to be different is how I look at it. That thing, that's what I have a problem with it. So if it's like, uh, it, pod, I could kind of, I get, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I always just feel you say what it is. If, if I feel like I'm trying something, that's what I have a problem with. So if I think, if I said, you watch that, yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The person saying that is doing it authentically. I think it's like you're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just not, I like, I almost understand like kids doing it. Cause it's like, there's almost is kind of authentic to it cause they're all learning how to like, like children. Okay. They're learning how to talk. So it's like when I see an adult do it, you go, that's not, you weren't a kid when that happened. Okay. So don't, you can't just go back and make up like.


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[Assistant] Like it's just a different, like we're just at a different thing. It is crazy how different like eighties and nineties and even two thousands. Like if you think back, you're like, God, it was so much easier.


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[Assistant] Technology alone, he's out here, he does cameo.


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[Assistant] Where they line up is as close to the glass and the window. So like you didn't see the number thing, like that was all there.


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[Assistant] Were you staying in your exact gate? No. You were at a different gate.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's, you know, I mean that doomsday clock can make someone do something. Like anything can make anybody do anything. If that's true, there's no way this could be that. How many people like quit their jobs? It's like, there can't be a lot.


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[Assistant] It led to nearly 40 deaths, right below it. What does that say?


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[Assistant] But I mean, look, you feel bad for these people, that guy shouldn't have done that. But it's like 40 days, it's like...


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[Assistant] It doesn't, you know, they're, everybody's like trim.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the deaths don't really make, you know, cause it would be like, if you're listening to him, I would imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, cause you don't want to go to heaven if you kill yourself, so why would you?


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[Assistant] He studied the Bible. That's what's crazy. The point of it being is.


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[Assistant] Like that, if you're studying the Bible in this, I would just think that that's opposite of what you're supposed to do. I agree.


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[Assistant] Lights screen. I mean this probably, that old month was just brutal for him and his wife.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, uh, so that's it and off the grid we're just talking, we can do that. Do we do off the grid?


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[Assistant] That was kinda it. Oh, that was off the grid? That had nothing to do with off the grid.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, I get that. I just announced all my fall dates. Uh, I have some, uh, uh, Beacon New Yorks coming up. I'm off this week, then next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Atlantic city, Beacon, New York, North Hampton, Massachusetts. And, uh, my fall dates are all just been announced and we've been having fun. So come on, I'm done with my COVID shows. I saw that. I'm done with all the makeup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the makeup COVID shows, uh, in Bellingham, this weekend was like the last run of them. And so like all those people that held on those tickets, I mean, they were 2019, November 2019. So, uh, the fact that they hung onto them and they were in the crowds was so awesome.


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[Assistant] It's, it's completely, yeaah. It's a completely different, you know, cause now it's new. So the Rain Check Tour will continue, uh, and so we're hitting all the, all the spots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, go check it out. And if you, if you, and when people ask me, they go, why are you know this or that? I get asked about Phoenix a lot. I will be at Phoenix. Okay. Uh, which that's fair to ask because I, that's not announced. It's not announced yet. I'm coming to Phoenix. I will be there. Uh, and then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the other ones, they're like, uh, no, uh, I get Nashville a lot too. No Nashville. You're like, I did the most shows you could.


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[Assistant] So yeah, just maybe look and go, what was he here? And then I bet I was there. Yeah. Uh, all right. All right. We love you all. Dusty. Welcome to the show. Thank you. 100th episode. We did it. 100th episode. We did it. Yes. 101. Coming up. All right. See y'all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We started in New York together, good times, a lot of years, and then you moved to L.A. and remained close. I came out and stayed with you and Carson for a couple, when I was in L.A. a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He said, don't do it. It's not loud in this house. This is a God-fearing house. What you're doing is some kind of voodoo and we don't appreciate it. It's affecting my wife. Outside, outside. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then remember when I was trying to park and I had to like, uh, I had to back out and do it again. You go, does it ever just work out? Does it ever just work out? I'm like, Nate, I want to equidistantly park, but does it ever just work out?


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[Assistant] What I'm saying, it's not easy to be Nate's friend. All these years. It's a lot of jokes.


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[Assistant] That guy closes strong. It's just me here, but he closes strong.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I didn't- look, I think they wanted-


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[Assistant] First of all, I think it's Ben Crichton. You wanna bet me on this? Crichton? Yea, no one knows about your vicious gambling problem. I'll bring him in here. Bren, I would bet, uhm, I would AC Doocy bet Crichton is his name. Not Crichton, not Crichton, Crichton, Ben Crichton. Crichton, I like Crichton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think if people are famous enough, they could just say it however they want. Right? Isn't that how we do it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you have to. So Ben, we're better than you, so we'll just say it however you- Yeah. Can I talk to them that way? Yeah. Listen, Ben, we're gonna say your name however we want. Ooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a security guard in Nate Land, and you will do as you're told, Ben Crichton. Yeaah, he do look like our security guard. Yeaah, I'm a security guard. Yeaah, our comet. Or you know what, I would like to go, uh, I would like to be the traffic guy on Nate Land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Ben, you got a pretty crazy name. Let's go to traffic. Yeah. And I want to be that guy. We got a lot of, uh, on, uh, what's the road out there? Splitlog? Yeah. Splitlog Road. Yeah. There was almost an accident last night on Splitlog. You saw it? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I can remember the names of the landmarks.


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[Assistant] It's like we have to go the other way. That is true. He just had no concept. I have no concept, but what does help me in New York.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and Erin had it right. Is, uh, and I just met him five minutes ago. Knows me better than you. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The grid system really does help with the avenues and the streets. Once we get like, the Holland is still in that, where it's street names, I don't understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My math skills were always really poor and people are like, oh, math doesn't matter. I'm like, it matters. A lot. Yeah. Problem solving wise.


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[Assistant] I think, and what Ben is trying to say is, your flaws are what make you guys the powerhouse of a podcast. Yeah. I think so too. I think so too. Because people don't want to feel like you're on your, like you said, high horse. They're like, oh, these guys have flaws. I have a lot of flaws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the, the charm of it is you're so confident that you are right. I don't know about that, you personally. Yeah. You're so confident you are right. And then afterwards it's kind of a charm like, ah, yeah, let's just move on to the next. Let's go have some breakfast.


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[Assistant] Oh. You know what I mean? So apparently you're not fluent in German, Nate, because it's Broekmeyer. Is he? Is it Broekmeyer?


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[Assistant] I say you keep going until you get a divorce. Actually plays out in court.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's back when I taught middle school, by the way, probably what you're talking about.


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[Assistant] I was just in the early, uh, I taught in the early 2000s when the cell phones first came out. Now it's probably, I think what teachers do, you have to put the cell phone in a bag when you come into class. You can't have it on you.


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[Assistant] There's no sound. I think if you believe the earth is flat, you won't be able to hear it. Ooh. All flat earthers can't hear that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I like the books, but then also I want the fans to know that there are a lot of helmets here also. And not for sports, just helmets. Just general, just a bike helmet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the town from Nashville, from Seidfeld? He started the Head Start program. What is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's, I believe starting kids in school earlier.


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[Assistant] To get them a jump, you know, on their education.


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[Assistant] Well, three months into being born, you just, you go to their crib and you go, party's over. Time to catch the bus.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, exactly. That's pretty great. Uuuh. That's some great banter. Yeaah. That's a good joke. I mean, I get why people tune in.


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[Assistant] And I'm more of a concise comic. You know, I don't like to spread things out. That's true. It's word economy, right? Word economy. Thank you.


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[Assistant] I went to Penn State University, 91 to 95. And then I wrestled for one year. Because the guys who wrestled for


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[Assistant] The guys who are really good, I want to separate myself and give them the credit that they deserve.


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[Assistant] He wrestled at Missouri, and he was... He was an all-American, so people in the comedy community don't understand the wrestling community, and they go, oh, you wrestled, he wrestled, you guys, what would happen if you guys wrestled each other? I'm like...


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[Assistant] He would, uhm, destroy me. Yeah. On another level. He was an all Amer- We had all Americans up and down our lineup. So he was like one of those guys. Yeah. Who was just...


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[Assistant] Were y'all wrestling at the same time? I think he took seventh in the country. So that's seventh division one in the United States. That's insane. And he plays it down, obviously. He's such a humble guy. So I to play it up and go, no, no, no, no, I'm not even in the same ballpark.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Kurt Angle was a beast. And so was Brock Lesnar. Those guys were too...


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[Assistant] Yeah. For fun. Yeah. For fun. It's a sports entertainment, but as competitors, these guys were insane. Unbelievable. They didn't wrestle for real.


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[Assistant] Just to see afterwards. Did they wrestle each other in competitively? I don't know what years they were. I know they were both national champs, but at Heavyweight.


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[Assistant] Florida probably, but uhm, Pennsylvania, I had great years in Pennsylvania, 91 to 95, then moved to Philly, and from Philly, 95 to 2003. And taught. 12 years. You taught school. I taught, got my masters, I got undergrad from Penn State University of Criminal Justice. We don't know what that is. That sounds bad.


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[Assistant] It took adjudicated kids that were gonna go to lock up and tried to rehabilitate them. Not tried, they did a great job.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, and then I just started working in the, uh, mental health system with kids. And then I went back at night for five years and got a master's in special education. And then I taught for five years in Philadelphia and then a working class suburb called Upper Darby and then, uh, uh, upper middle class suburb called Garnet Valley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? Oh wow. That's kind of charming for a comedy club. If a joke's getting nothing and then the click is naturally up there, it's not even a joke sound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I had an incident, this happened a couple times, where it's like, the room is full, which I know is hard for you to believe, but sometimes the room gets full for me. And, uh, there's people in the front and I'm doing, you know, everything's timing, people don't realize that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, the people in the front are going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did that too, I did that too. But they're saying it so that you can hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're trying to make it about themselves, but they're saying it, but they're right in the front, so no one else can hear, but they're saying it to you, and it's like, you have to stop the show and go, hey dude, you gotta stop doing that.


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[Assistant] You're throwing my timing off. Like, you have to stop. They're like, what? What am I doing? I'm like,


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[Assistant] You know what you're doing. Stop doing it. Because it's gonna ruin the show. I can't, I already have trouble thinking.


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[Assistant] On my own. And you doing this is making it way worse.


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[Assistant] You're like, look, I have an hour here, and it's happening five minutes in, and it's like, oh, this is gonna be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I don't want to address it either. I want to keep, I want to try to build momentum and the fun. But if it's like five minutes in and you're like, I have 40 more minutes of this. It's like, I gotta, I gotta do this in the, in the, but it's like, you try to have fun with it and make it a joke, but you almost can't make it a joke in that situation because you gotta let the person know that you're serious. Like it's not funny.


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[Assistant] Like I'm not having a good time with this. So it's like, please stop doing it. It's ruining...


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[Assistant] What about, what Nate was saying, like you make a joke, put somebody in a good mood.


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[Assistant] That's a deposit, a positive deposit, then they're depositing, they're bringing that goodwill around to everybody else, you know, versus saying something negative to somebody now puts them in a bad mood, now they're negative to everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But is it thoughts-wide? Did he, did he do something about thoughts? I mean, you took notes. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They nailed it right. And they shouldn't be driving. Good night! Good night everybody!


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Wow. Yeaah. That's funny. That's funny. It is. But, uh, it's, I mean I'm from Ohio originally. Yeah. Ohio is a great wrestling state. Pennsylvania is.


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[Assistant] Pennsylvania and Iowa are probably the two, at least when I was coming up, the two best wrestling states. It's always those northern, kind of like... Blockheads. Blockheads, ill folk. Yea, that's what he calls us.


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[Assistant] I'd name it Nate-land now. Yeaah. It's like somebody calling something Nate-land. Yeaah. I would say- I would never think somebody would do that. I talked to someone-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pennsylvania sounds like a, like a vampire state. I'm glad they used Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is an upbeat.


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[Assistant] It'd be great if they were doing it in secret. It's like, we're keeping this as the capital, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you guys building a White House over there? It's like, just, no.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'd rather pipeline. I think, uh, just to stat here, I don't know if it's on your sheet there, but uhm, the most pro quarterbacks I think have come out of like the Pittsburgh, Aliquippa area. Yep. Joe Namath, Joe Montana, like these guys all. Dan Marino. Dan Marino. They all come out of Pennsylvania. Wow. Johnny Unatus I think. Yeah. Wow. So. What are they doing?


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[Assistant] You just think, wow, it'd be tough to live, why would you do that, ba ba ba, but it's actually, now that I think about it, fantastic.


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[Assistant] I won't betray Instagram by going on Twitter. Look at them separate entities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the end of living in Philadelphia, uhm, I worked with my buddy, just some part-time stuff like installing marble. We installed Italian marble into this house and as we were installing, it was a beautiful house that we were carrying the marble into and installing it. The Amish were doing woodwork at the same time and it was top of the line. Unbelievable. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the same house? Yea, on the same house. Like, we were installing the marble tops, and they were doing some woodworking, and I just happened to go on a break and look at their woodworking. It is just phenomenal. They're phenomenal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't think Quaker is a sect of Amish. They're different. They're totally different? Yea, they're totally different. I think they're totally different.


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[Assistant] It's a section, but people don't say section, people say, that's where section came from, that root word, sec.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, a sect is a group of people. A section is a part of something, not an object.


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[Assistant] That's a great one. That's a great nickname. Come with a black cape.


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[Assistant] It's like, you can speak the same language, so it's like, hey, can you, you shot me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a curiosity, what, do you ever look at life expectancy? I was like, I'm 48, so I look at life expectancy, and like, I like, in 1901, I would be taking my last breath about right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's great though.


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[Assistant] I also want to go to the renaissance, like a renaissance thing. I've done that.


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[Assistant] Where you eat dinner and watch a show and like, I wanna be in it.


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[Assistant] Just average people can joust. Every table for two. Would you like to joust?


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[Assistant] I tried, the line was just too long. It wasn't because we were afraid.


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[Assistant] I like pats, but uhm, I like pats cause, but I never get a cheesesteak, I get a roast pork with broccoli rabe and sharp provolone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Wow. And uhm, no bread. Actually, Tony Luke's is better. Nah, I'll eat bread now. That's soft bread.


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[Assistant] I went, he's referring to the fact that I went keto for a long time and I would denounce bread to the point where we were on the bus. He's like, do you put bread?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the refrigerator, you leave it out. I go, bread is for the weak. And he had to ask somebody else awkwardly on the bus.


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[Assistant] There's so many chemicals in it, probably it could sustain itself. It's fine.


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[Assistant] I'm surprised you didn't look that up. And that was a legitimate fist bump. That wasn't like, I'm scorching here, you're scorching there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm sorry, the cheese steak is uh, but it's fantastic food in Philadelphia. And I'll tell you what, in New York,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great food, but you have to pay for it. Like the food is expensive and a lot.


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[Assistant] In a lot of places, in South Philadelphia though, a lot of these corner, like Italian places, and I haven't been back in a long time, but the food is legitimately homemade and delicious and cheap. At least it was. It was like delicious and cheap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good. So good. There was a place in South Philadelphia called Evelyn and Shanks and I was dating a girl in South Philadelphia. We'd get up in the morning and go to this place and it was a hole-in-the-wall place, three women cooking like in a kitchen, four tables, and it was the greatest food you've ever eaten. Fried meatballs. It was just through the roof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know how many people knew about this before the internet, really. Probably enough. Before the, I mean, yeaah. I was thinking that's the best way to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They're not, they're not just... But the whole thing is turnover too. You wanna turn the, you wanna turn the tables over and when you have like less tables, you're gonna make less money because you can't turn them over as fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's high pressure waiters. You go, are you done yet? Are you done yet? Look, wrap it up guys. I'm giving, like it'd be great if you gave them a light at the table. Like a red light. You guys got five minutes. Finish it up because we will have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Say you're alone. That'd be a great place to go break up with somebody. It's like you eat and then it's like, look, I really think it's over. Well, we're out of time.


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[Assistant] Let's get to some new colors. Hold on. I don't think we should talk about color a little bit. Because they're coming up with new colors. And when we were growing up it was just like blue, red, green, but now there's like fuchsia and go ahead Aaron. I remember razzmatazz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jazzberry. These seem like frozen yogurts. They seem like frozen yogurts? Yea. I mean, these don't even feel like real colors. Yea, blue-tiful. Isn't that great? Yea. That's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Manatee be mine. Wow. These look like, um, wing options. Piggy Pink, Atomic Tangerine, Mysteria.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a rock joke from my GSI 2020 class at Penn State. What did the, uhm, igneous rock say to the metamorphic rock? Don't take me for granted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a fun fact, I'm from, uh, I'm from Youngstown, Ohio, which is halfway between Cleveland and Pittsburgh. So half the people are Cleveland Browns fans and half are Pittsburgh Steelers fans. And back when I was growing up, they would have just, the Browns were always struggling and that the Steelers were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great. So they would always be like, four Super Bowls. Anytime you'd argue with them, cause they'd go, four Super Bowls, what's up?


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[Assistant] And self-deprecating. He just made a withdrawal. He made it, oh, but it was sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we have Nick with Kurt Metzger, who's South Jersey, but he's got just like maniac strength.


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[Assistant] That's so great. It'd be great if you got the traditions wrong, like you got down on a knee to say it. Traditions? Traditions. What'd you say? Dreadditions? No, I said traditions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well if you get that one on one knee and say I love you, you mix up the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was majorly overlooked. It didn't matter who you were. Like if you were the heavyweight championship of the world, like we just got drafted. It's like there's no excuses. Everybody goes, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I think it should go about how many TikTok followers you have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you? I knew it was in the back of my head. It was right by periwinkle in my brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was so bad, like I don't, I don't personally like that. I'm also rooting for your team and everything, but like when it becomes a thing where it's, it's not even about the sport anymore, it's you just looking to get your anger out on somebody else and you're extrapolating it out through this sporting. I don't like any of that. There was a lot of that in Philly at that, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually I do. I was hoping you weren't going to put it there. It's the night before Halloween. Thank you, Nate. You really were going to call me on the carpet about that, so now take your loss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't bring the package, you bring your own merch.


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[Assistant] That actually reminds me of a thing because people, kids in school, they don't know what they want to do and you know, how do you know what you want to do for a living?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're in high school, you don't know what the options are. So my thing was just go to a house that you like, knock on the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the person comes to the door and be like, do you own the home? They go, yes. You're like, what do you do for a living? They tell you and you just do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or make it more confrontational, knock on the door, ask them what they do and they're glad to tell you in a kind of a mentorship type of way and at the end of it go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In five years, I'll own your house. Pack up. Start packing right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, do you know Lobster Boy? Like who that is? Yea, cause I used to read the Weekly World News when it was in, uh, when it was being published. They have a great paper. Well that's cause they didn't have TV. Go ahead. They had, um, they had Lobster Boy and they did a lot about Bat Boy. Oh yea. I don't know Bat Boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's more than a jerk. How do you pull the trigger with a claw?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And alcoholism too. It's like, you gotta get somebody to get you a beer every time and hold it for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they are unbelievable dude, so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] October 23rd, I'll be at Governor's in Long Island. Uhm, October 23rd. So, if you're in the New York area, please come out to that. Uh, two shows, 7 and 9.30. Uhm, do we do social media?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the other one is called Macaroni Rascals and it's a Patreon, but we do release the episodes. So Macaroni Rascals, uh, look out for that. That's me and Greg Stone talking everything macaroni related.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well thank you and thank you for bringing me on the podcast and bringing me on tour. I appreciate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some resumes would say references upon request, and sometimes if you're on the fence about them, you're like, well, you're out, cause...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean I'm sure it happened, but usually you want to check the ref- usually that's the most important thing to find out if-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sometimes people, you need to tell your references that, hey, you may be getting a call. That's the proper thing. Sometimes people wouldn't know that they were listed as a reference and they'd be caught off guard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we would try to do is find, uh, references that they didn't list. Yeah. Cause you know they're going to list three people and say good thing. We try to find someone who just worked with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or just difficult to work with or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The biggest thing was just people who, if people were complaining about their old job in an interview, you're like, well, there's just a, it's just a matter of time before you complain about this job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I really wasn't thinking, I mean, I think I applied just to MTSU and got in and that was the Bates family way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good college, 30 minutes from Lebanon, that's a good, I remember thinking, man, I have moved out of town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, people were praising you for like, just pulling that out. How brilliant that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cole does great research for the podcast. I mean, for people who don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what he does. Yes, the research for podcasts is very organized and he finds stuff that I hadn't found and sends it to me and does a great job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there's between 10 to the 111th and 10 to the 123 positions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, uh, I finally, I just got called first ever time in my life to jury duty, but I got out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jennifer, I don't know what she did. She stopped at a Stucky's, but I was like doing shows.


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[Assistant] He was in, uh, Bruce Almighty and Anchorman before The Office. I think Forty-O Virgin came out between seasons one and two of The Office. But Forty-O Virgin is the first movie he starred in. I mean, Bruce Almighty and Anchorman, he was a side character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that came out, I think, after The Office. I think that was between seasons one and two.


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[Assistant] So in the office it says, please stop engine. And he put, please say yes on that sign beside it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people were commenting in her tone, and it is very contagious. I find myself after hanging out with her a while, start talking like her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm with Leanne this weekend. Can I promote the show? I'm with her in Norfolk, Virginia. I hope I'm saying that right. Norfolk.


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[Assistant] On Friday, Tyson's Corner, Virginia on Saturday and Reading, Pennsylvania on Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, it still worked because by the time she gets up to current...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you Aaron, for asking, because these guys have not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still trying to figure it out, I've been to numerous doctors, they, my doctor thought I had, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Multiple sclerosis. Oh, really? Which I was like, doc, Nate is not going to be able to pronounce that. So just say MS. Oh, they thought you had, he thought you had MS? They did. Wow. Yep. Yep. But now the neurologist doesn't think that's the case. Oh boy. I think I'm having a stroke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, man, it's happening right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, what's that? Everything's normal.


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[Assistant] Uh, neurologist does not think it's that. It's not really sure what it is. I go tomorrow for MRI. Tomorrow?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm also having a stroke. Lights are going out, I can't talk. But I go tomorrow for an MRI. Hopefully we'll find something from that, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I don't think it's that. I mean, neurologists really couldn't find anything. So, if the MRI shows nothing, then... It could be diet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was the first thing they looked at was my diet and did blood work. Thought it could be a vitamin deficiency or something, but that all came back good. Could just be I'm getting old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm about to hit the Wolford Brimley cocoon line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what that is? In the movie Cocoon, which was about old people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hits that, like Tom Cruise is way past that now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, like, you know, but, so now that's a whole thing, the Wolf or Brimley cocoon line. So like it right now you'd have to be born, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, April 11, 1971. So I'm going to hit that here in a few months. If you were born today, you don't hit it till 2072. But that's like a whole thing now when actors or anyone hits the Wolf or Brimley cocoon line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause it's usually now like, well Tom Cruise I feel like was the first one really people pointed out like cause he's still starring in all these Mission Impossibles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, and was now younger than him, and now it's just kinda kept going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he was much older, he was like 20 years younger than all the other actors then. He just looked old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We waited that long, but uhm, but they always throw something crazy at you to scare you to death. And then they'll say, but it's fine. Yeah. I mean, we'll go in one week and they were like, well, we found a hole in her heart. I mean, that's the real thing. We freaked out about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This past week, they were like, so if she doesn't have a nasal bone, we'll bob up. And we were like, wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, yeah. And we're like, she doesn't have a nasal bone. They're like, well, we're not sure. We can't see it on ultrasound. But they said, that's not a problem. She said, a lot of people do not have nasal bones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they don't even know it, uh, because most of your bone is just skin tissue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she said it'll affect her none, if that's the case. I mean, I hope she has one.


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[Assistant] But this, they tell you that and then they tell you nothing to worry about.


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[Assistant] It does sound like it's important. I'm still kind of holding out hope that she has one. She's measuring very, very small in the one percentile right now, but, but they think she's going to be all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Krasinski was very good. Very good at basketball.


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[Assistant] I think they're implying that she did pull over to the side. There's some snow on each side. No, the end of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking about when, in the office, when they had the book club and Jim wanted to join and he just made fun of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're such George Costanza now when Susan, talk about the stalls, he's trying to convince Jerry, like, you know, like you wouldn't move it, she wouldn't move it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should watch every Hallmark movie and just analyze it. Just find one thing. I looked up who's been in the most. It's, uh, the girl from Full House. Yeah. Candice Cameron Burr. Yeah. She's been in 29 of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until enough's enough. Can you keep going? Like if you're at Harvard, could I email you? Cole, could you look up, uh, why spiders? Pennsylvania. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I catching color is school bus yellow that's like a real color.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not yellow and it's not orange. It's a combination of the two. It's called school bus yellow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aaron's okay by the way. He's being very just nice and cautious not to come in. Oh, I thought he died. No, he's fine. He's just on the tail end of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Incubation period or whatever it is it's called. Not incubation, I don't know. Whatever it is, he's fine. He'll be back next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you had games though where you completely changed, like got naked. I have, I have. So that's not-


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[Assistant] That makes it worse, right? Cause like everybody just hears it go thud. Everybody just turns around and looks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guys had hit puberty in some hat and the Little League is so close that they're halfway to the mound when they release. That's terrifying for.


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[Assistant] A kid who's four foot two, fifty pounds or something. You remember that? I mean, kids are such different sizes that age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just pride, I guess. I don't know. We could wheel away in on this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watch, uh, old Johnny Carson reruns. And now, obviously, all the talk shows have a formula. It's the A-list celebrity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on Johnny Carson, they would have like, the first act would be like a guy juggling swords or something, and then they'd have like Tom Selleck. I mean, there's no order on that show. It would have the craziest thing ever first, and then the biggest star in the world would be on at the end sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've been pointing out how your favorite shows, most of them are from the nineties and someone commented that


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[Assistant] Almost everyone's favorite shows are from when they were in their 20s.


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[Assistant] Those are kind of the ones that we stick with. That's probably true.


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[Assistant] You know what? Zanies, when comics come through, they often like just to make fun of a local town. And for whatever reason, Smyrna has become the town that people tell them to make fun of. It's just a good name. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with Smyrna, but it's just a good name that sounds funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he went to MTSU. I don't think he played there. Maybe he did play there, but we had some classes together and I would call my friends from high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think the coaches in Woodbine are like, oh my, if he'd have just stayed, we could have had Sonny Gray on our team in our school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My first apartment was Gazebo Apartments right there in Woodbine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have one this year? Uhm, to beat you in this weight loss challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But instead of a date, you want to do a, like a speed, first one there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he got it out of the way. I won't get tonight. So we're going to go. The top New York's resolutions. Number one, exercise more to lose weight. I mean, those are kind of same thing. Get organized, learn a new skill or hobby. Live life to the fullest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, save money, quit smoking, spend more time with family and friends. Travel more. You probably got that down. And read more. Read. That should be number one for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see this McDonald's where in China, it's not coming up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People think it's to help you lose weight while you eat terrible food, which I guess it would do that. But, uh, it's to, um, for energy, like they use it to power up their phones and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have to do it, but if you sit there, it's, uh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you come up, I've seen this video, you come up later, pretty prevalent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you are. You'll be a peacemaker right there in the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that, you're the one just kinda talking, trying to talk him into it. Like, come on guys. Are you like, hey man. Oh, you're patting him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever caused a brawl just because they thought you were going on, but it was really just another wild pitch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever started a text and you're like the tone, it could be Mr. Rebs. I'm very sensitive to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a Toledo Mudhins pitching coach, Doug Buckler is a fan of the podcast. He told us to do a episode on baseball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the winter time, so we're kind of honoring his request. But he would, when he pitched for the Padres, we showed that video, he would sneak from the bullpen and steal people's beers from the stands. Like they put it down and he would grab it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever been the guy who's had to re-halleate and hit someone? Re-talleate. Re-halleate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go with it. I remember laughing at it. I stole second base and Lily. It was such an easy play. I thought they must have fouled the ball off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I got down there so easy. So I turned around and just started running back to first and about halfway down the pit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was little league, so I was like somewhere like 11 or 12.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if they locked you out, could you go to Iowa that filled her dreams and still just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think when you retire you'll stay in middle Tennessee?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every five days you pitch, but then other days you can kind of relax and take it easy. They have to be on call every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are there relief pitchers who come in, I think, only when you're behind?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you throw a no hitter, will you thank us in the post game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to Nate Land. I'm Nate Vargetse, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, big shout out today to our friends at Helix Sleep. Take their 2 minute sleep quiz and they will match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. There's nobody on the planet like you, so why would you buy a generic mattress built for everyone else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows. For our listeners at helixsleep.com slash Nate, that's up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows at helixsleep.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, did you know 2 out of 3 men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keeps offers a simple stress freeway to keep your hair with treatments starting at just $10 per month if you are ready to take your action and prevent hair loss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to keeps.com slash nate to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash nate to get your first month free. keeps.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last one, you know DraftKings is the official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. And now you can get in on the action. Get the DraftKings app and enter code NATELAND.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New players get a free shot at millions of dollars in prizes with your first deposit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's code NATELAND on the DraftKings app for a free shot at a million dollars during week one. Pretty good. Get a shot at a million dollars. Just sign it up. Use code NATELAND on DraftKings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome everybody. So I have been, so this episode, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, uh, I mean, you see the title. I don't even know if we know it yet, but it's, uh, but we, we, we were gone for a few weeks. Uh, we all had stuff and so we're kind of, uh, this is just kind of a, we're going to read some comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of comments and then, uh, just kind of talk about what we've been doing. It's kind of a catch up episode. Comments and catching up. Comments and catching up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go, that's pretty good. So maybe that's it. Commons and catching up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, uh, that's what we're doing today. I got, uh, my, uh, camouflage jacket from the Denny Sanford, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sanford Premier Center in, uh, Sioux Falls, South Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You think you're just born and you like it like that more than other people or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like, you know, you walk in a Bass Pro shop, you're like, oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that, was that bumpy or was it, how long did it take y'all to get to this school? Did y'all have pumpkins to sit on or you just have to kind of... Is this in Alabama?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got his first win. Dominated. Sportsmanship. St. Michael. Go Cardinals, dude. Yeah, that was a domination. Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder, I wonder, do you think he comes, goes back to the NFL this year at some point? Like someone gets hurt and then they gotta bring him back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could see it. Like he probably is like, you know, if it's, they're not going, he's not going to come back for like a losing record, but if he's looking at, uh, you know, he'd come back for like, yeah, I mean like the Super Bowl run and you're like, yeah, I'll go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very funny that you, you just said that they, they go, they asked him that. And then now we're getting to you go, I mean, I'm sure they asked him that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you get your priorities straight. That's what I, I got an offer on the table right now. $50 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be very funny. Uh, yeah, so they get, we, we, I did shows, uh, uh, this weekend with, uh, uh, this past week with Jeff Foxworthy, uh, and I'll tell you about those. But they gave me this jacket. I want to explain why I have the jacket on. Uh, cause this is, this is an Aaron jacket. You love it. I do love it. Did you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like to, they do it different to blend in. It's like squares. Yeah, this is like, you know, you got a real tree. That's why the animals are like, is that what it's called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just had a deer peeing on the deer joke. I was just thinking about the joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, that's one of my favorite lines of the joke. Yeah. Uh, what was that joke? Was it the P? It wasn't that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that was- No. I've had a lot of animals getting killed jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a very funny thing to be like the, it's very funny to picture. That's what I mean when you listen to comedy, I think, is try to really picture it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what makes, that's what we do, I think, when we come up with a joke. Right? That's what I do. Paint a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and not that I try to paint the picture, but as I'm telling it, I picture it and like stuff is like so funny when you, if you can picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then go back inside. I'll talk to him. And then go in. Hey man. Saw your logo. On your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very funny. I'm sure that's how people listen to comedy. Anyway, they picture it. That's the comic's job is to make you picture it. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right up close. That's how it got made. He saw through it all. Because that's actually pretty easy, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that hard. It's not that hard. There's a couple, a couple screws, a couple flat head screws. You just screw those in and then you're off and running. Uh, so let's start with some comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see if you guys like, uh, the comment. This is a good, this is a comment heavy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. People have asked, let me see what they think. If they're going to be like, Hey, I like it. If they don't like it, uh, you know, who knows? Only way, one way to find out. Money part two comments. Patrick Eversole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate referring to the water in Corpus Christi as the ocean a week after the oceans episode encapsulated how the podcast has grown from the beginning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They showed up together. You couldn't be like, you couldn't make the Gulf of Mexico leave. And because I got all the things they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I go, every week's a brand new week for me. I'm like a goldfish. Ted Lasso, happiest animal on the planet, goldfish. I only remember 10 seconds. John Rahm said it, golfer this week. He's a Ted Lasso fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, they're, they're, it's the basic, you know, they could hang out. They hang out. Yeah. They touch towards the end of it. They're like, they're all in the.


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[Assistant] What's it like, you know, ask the other, what's it like out there? He goes, it's big, man. That's what he tells the ones that's closest. He goes, it's big. I mean, they were all a wave coming in. So they came, they, they came in and they just get, that's where they go to die. The waves go to die in the Gulf of Mexico. They come in through there.


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[Assistant] That's one of the only critiques of a hurricane.


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[Assistant] For some insight on your Secret Service confusion, all the major federal agencies are located in most American cities and U.S. territories.


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[Assistant] I always get confused with the US territories. We own some other stuff.


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[Assistant] You know? You always kind of forget. Isn't Puerto Rico ours? Can we just go down there? No passport? Yea. Really? Yea. Guam too.


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[Assistant] Secret Service agent in Tampa could be investigating counterfeiting one day and helping to provide protection on a President visit the next. I agree it's weird that the Secret Service


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[Assistant] Our job, kind of like comics, is reading the room, engaging in behavior to reach a certain goal. Like, like gain a confession, infiltrate a gang, get a laugh, etc. Body language, voice inflection, subtle movements all play into it and comedy is a great place to observe those reactions happen naturally.


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[Assistant] Among your other career backup plans, lawyer, adjunct professor, golf cart attendee,


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[Assistant] You could all, y'all could add a special agent to the list.


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[Assistant] I'm wondering, is it too, am I too old? He says no. No.


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[Assistant] I could do that. I mean, I don't know. I'd have to be talked out of this golf cart.


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[Assistant] I'm pretty sure this guy's gonna get fired for that. Uh, I can't imagine he makes it much longer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that, I mean, you know, I get it, like, cause he's like saying you gotta be, that being undercover is probably like, you feel like those guys just stink of...


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[Assistant] Federal agent or something, like they, like, you know, like they always say undercover cops, like, uh, Donnie Brassica, like he had to go in, like you gotta go in and be deep.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it's great I watched it. Uh, but it's uh, I couldn't tell you, I could watch it again. That's gotta be something.


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[Assistant] I could go watch it again right now, I don't think I'd remember it. And it'd be like it's the first time. I can usually know, I can start a movie.


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[Assistant] And then I can tell when I go to rewatch it, I'm like, I remember too much of it and I know that it's going to fade away. And then I'll, then I'll watch it again later and know, Oh, I could go, I mean, like Pelican brief.


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[Assistant] But there's people that always remember everything, like that they can tell you every, you know, you know, I, people don't like about the my Marvel take.


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[Assistant] Cause I guess I didn't do it, right? And then I always like to have something I can just kind of go watch as I tell you that I won't remember it.


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[Assistant] But I think I'm going to wait till Harper's a little older. Watching through with her? Yea, I want to watch. Like I did that with Star Wars. And like, so I was like, I'll just wait till, you know, a couple years when she's like, I think she wants to do it. And then I'll be like, alright, let's watch. Let's go through this together. So I'm going to wait for her.


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[Assistant] That's the fun part. Sometimes you look at these movies and you're like, I haven't seen them. And then you're like, oh, well, I'll go show, you know, or do that. We'll go through Jaws. Uh, no, I don't have to do Jaws. I think it's right. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, yeaah. Well thank you Brody. Uh, that's awesome. Special agent. Alright. Do you have to go to school for that, I wonder?


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[Assistant] You have to know that, you have to not be surprised when you learn that we have, uh, other countries, other territories. Maybe that would be unbelievable.


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[Assistant] And they're like, this guy's, all right, he's not a cop. Get in here. He's good. And the next day you see me running next to a limo with a thing in there. What's up? It's people over there.


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[Assistant] That makes sense that they have to when they, when you go travel to town, you don't, I always just thought that Secret Service came.


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[Assistant] Yeah, alright. Some sketchy, well if I was, if I was gonna do some sketchy, I'd be in that general area, is what I'd say.


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[Assistant] And they go, well, you go give us more of that. I'm running next to a car. So no, I'm sorry. Pretty slammed right now.


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[Assistant] If you're the guy running next to the car, it's basically, you just wake up and go, you're probably getting shot today. Like that's your only goal. Your only goal is to go, to get shot. You just run next to that car.


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[Assistant] And they're like, if anything happens, by the way, inside the car is so safe. The safest car ever built. Do you guys mind standing right outside the safest car? Why is it built so safe? Cause people might fire a rocket launcher at it.


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[Assistant] And we need to make sure that when it hits the car, that people get killed outside of it. And we want that to be you. I mean, that's what, you gotta absorb that rocket launcher. You go, but the car is safe, right? Like, why don't we, why don't we just have...


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[Assistant] On the outside of the car have another layer of safety. Uh huh. So you have like, you have a car, you have, they're inside and then another little window and then those guys get around in that window that's super safe.


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[Assistant] Oh, you're calling Brody lower level. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's what you just said.


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[Assistant] I don't think Brody thinks of himself as a lawyer, he's a special agent.


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[Assistant] Okay, yeaah. So he could be, I mean he could be the president for all we know.


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[Assistant] I'm sure there's like some, I'm sure there's a lot of switching. Like I bet there's a lot of, I would imagine you could be like,


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[Assistant] I wonder if you went to the president, could you pick out who is, you're on your detail? You might be like, I don't know. I don't really see them like, you know, there's maybe, maybe there's one point of contact.


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[Assistant] Yeah I mean it's gotta be weird, every little thing you want, you have to like get these two dudes, like how much does it go like, I just wanna go running like get ice cream real fast and you're like.


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[Assistant] I can't. Like, cause you think you're like, I gotta go get him. DoorDash. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but you get one before DoorDash though, but like, and I guess you would tell, yeah, I guess you'd have a guy that you go, hey, I want a Sonic Blast. Go get it. But, but you probably want the experience.


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[Assistant] I don't know, but it could be, sometimes you just want to go do something yourself because you're like, I don't want to get other people involved. And if you know why I got to tell this guy, the little that I've had security of


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[Assistant] When you're doing shows, like when Vegas, it's kind of cool. Your guy comes to your door. It's funny. They just come to your door right before the show and they walk you to the, uh, to the show.


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[Assistant] And you walk like all underground Vegas. I don't know, did I talk about this? Like, and you go, they come, they knock on your hotel door and it's the dude standing there. And then you come out and you walk and we go, you can either go through the casino or you could choose where you want to go. But it's usually kind of tough to go to the casino because everybody's going to your show.


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[Assistant] So we go down an elevator and we just go the back way and there's a whole city down there. I mean like it's, you go underneath Vegas and there's, you walk by this cafeteria and it's got all this stuff and there's another cafeteria and like huge cafeterias. These hallways are, I mean, I mean, you know.


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[Assistant] And, uh, that's it. You could get as much security as you'd want. Uh, they like provide you that to the show. And then...


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[Assistant] You know, you have it, I have it in some other, like there's other cases where you kind of just got someone near, you know, you just want, there's just someone.


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[Assistant] Uh, you don't need it that, you know, but it's like how much I've thought about though, like when you're.


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[Assistant] When you think like, I wanna go somewhere, I wanna go run somewhere and you're like, well you can't just go. Like someone's gotta know where you're at. I think when I taped the pilot, it was like I couldn't just be like.


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[Assistant] I mean, some I could, but you have to tell someone, you have to like, they have to know what's going on.


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[Assistant] And it's like, so I mean, I'd imagine if you got that secret service, you just want to be like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, I just want to go run a Taco Bell. Right. By myself and listen to the radio and like, you know, can y'all not.


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[Assistant] Like, you know, I'm sure, I bet they, they do try to run off. Cause in the stories of that where the kids will try to lose them and stuff.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like kids, like y'all were all young enough. Yeah, yeah, it was a big movie.


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[Assistant] Everybody's welcome. Hillary Green, we made it through two comments.


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[Assistant] Hillary Green, President Lincoln actually signed the bill to create the Secret Service the same day he was assassinated. Saw that coming.