[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Everybody gets their own. But some countries just don't honor. This was a committee that came up with this and some countries are like committee to be NCAA. Yeah, it's a, uh, uh, the, this, it was the international Meridian conference met in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they met in Washington DC in 1884 and came up with time zones for the whole world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't we talk about that with the Olympics? You gotta start sending out those mailers really quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The countries that they wanted to invite. China doesn't honor this. China has one time zone for the whole country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, really? What's their time zone? Just China time? Yeah. I think it might just be, I mean, this international committee splits up into like five time zones, but China's like, we're going to do our own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it should have five times as big as the US, right? Yeah. So in some parts of China as wide, I mean, the sun doesn't come up until 10 a.m. Because they're all like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know, Aaron, where the, like the first time zone starts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, do you, uh, do you know where it starts the first time zone? Like where's the mark?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Well, that's the furthest, like, no, that's the furthest from us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Greenwich England is where the first time zone starts. That's the GTM. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's even on our phones, that's what... Greenwich time machine. Close. Uh, I think it's GMT. Greenwich Meridian Time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go, uh, I guess west, it goes down an hour every time zone. If you go east, it goes up a time zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's where you can walk on the North Pole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason time zones were even created is because before then, everybody just had their own time. Whatever, whenever the sun was at its highest peak, that was 12 noon. So everyone just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of had their own town. So from here to Lebanon would be two different times. But then once trains started becoming a thing and you had train schedules.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then everybody started missing their train time because 1217 is going to mean something different. So they're like, we got to come up with something standard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were 300 time zones at one time in America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the railroad came in and they created a hundred time zones, but that still obviously was way too many. So they finally put together this committee to make four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, you can say yea or nay on daylight saving time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a common misconception, but that's not true. Some say it's for the bus stop. That is somewhat true. Wow. Look at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they started it and then they were complaining because kids were now waiting in the dark for the school bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they repealed it after a year. This is in the 1970s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so for a while they stopped it because kids wait in the dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the real reason is it was during the World War I and World War II to conserve energy. They thought if...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The days were longer, they'd be using less electricity and they needed to conserve energy because they were fighting a war. So it's kind of a boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first person proposed it was a guy in New Zealand who was an entomologist and he needed more time after work. He was a what? Entomologist. Is that correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entomologist, he, uh, looked at bugs and insects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he's the first person to throw it out, but then, they thought he was crazy, but then an Englishman named William Willett was a big golfer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he didn't like his round getting cut so short, so he's proposed a two hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jump so he can play more golf. Well that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think there's a lot of push to, like right now we're in daylight and just to keep it and not go back to standard time where it gets darker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now some people are against it because they say God


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that really an argument that's used? I've heard that, yea. Interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] High noon, sun's the highest would be standard time, not daylight saving time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they say, whenever the sun's highest in the sky, uh, at noon, that should be when we should keep it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when they first started Daylight Saving Time, every city just did it when they wanted. So it was still just a mess because everybody just did their own thing. And then finally Congress said it starts the first Sunday, the last Sunday in April and goes and then changes back the last Sunday in October.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say it fix your health when it switches to daylight saving. There's more heart attacks. There's just a lot of health reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think it's the opposite. It's later, you stay up later, you don't get as much sleep, it impacts your health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time it was our own preacher. Two different worlds. Two different worlds. Oh hey, we're both Christians, you gotta go your own route. Have you ever thought about, I'm sure you haven't, why 60 seconds, 60 minutes? Why is that instead of just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean most things are like intends, you would think it would be something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It comes from the Babylonians. They did it. It's a study called, uh, sexagesimal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the, it's the counting in 60s. 60 is one of the best numbers for division.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't get into a fraction until you get to the number 7. 60 divided by 1, 60 divided by 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. It's all evenly divided.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they said it's just a good number if you're saying, you know, 60 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Divided half's 30 and 15, so they just went with that because it's a good fraction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty has gotten in, speaking of bars, many fights in bars, he's told me, over Christianity. That's true. He shoved someone in the face cause they were denouncing Christianity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Microsecond, one millionth of a second. It keeps on going nanosecond, one billionth. The smallest measurable time is Planck time. It was named after, uh, Max Planck in its...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if you'd blinked once, that's 550,000 trillion trillion trillion plank times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, one blink would be that huge number that I just said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how many of those would have happened while...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He's just like, you can't go any further than this and like, all right, we'll call it plank time. So yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a really, really short amount of time. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The International Earth Rotation Service is an organization that keeps up with Earth's rotation and every so often because the Earth's slowing down rotation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but sometimes it messes stuff up because computers have programs and stuff like that. The last time, well in 2012, LinkedIn and Reddit both crashed because of the leap second they added.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Qantas Airline, 400 flights end up being delayed because their servers crashed because of this leap second they added.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What this committee? Yeah, because the earth rotation is slowing down, um, because of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about that on the earth episode because fat earth and stuff like that. He's getting tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's one second every three years, so it would take a long time before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you'll go over and you'll be playing like, you don't know about the leap second, buddy. I was right on. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we think of time, past, present, future. Usually you would think of a piece of paper this direction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Linear, because that's the way we read things. But other countries that sometimes go this direction, they think of past, present, future. And there's a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Amera people in the Andes Mountains of South America, they consider the future behind us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the past in front of us, because the future is unknown. That's behind us. We can't see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The past, we know what happened. It's in front of us. Kind of the opposite of us. Does that make sense? No. So they're walking backwards. The past... Well, we would say the past is behind us, right? The future is ahead of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some scientists like Einstein says time's an illusion, it's not even a real thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree with that. The past, present and future are all just stuff we've created in our head and it's all just one big thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Einstein said there's no now because it takes 80 milliseconds for us to process something we see. So by the time we process it, it's already in the past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I think by the time we process it's already happened. So it was in the past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you guys just reversed a little uh, bizarro. You threw out a good, and you said Spidey sense to process it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the faster you go, the more time slows down. So if you could go speed of light, uhm, and you left Earth, uhm, for one hour and you came back at speed of light, it would be 17 years would be passed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. In an interstellar, that was a black hole that caused the time to slow down. And Einstein said that too, if you get a large mass with heavy gravity,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time slows down. It can be proven. You can put a clock on the top of Mount Everest and put a clock at the equator and there'll be different times because the one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean a very small, small, small amount, but because it's one of the equator's closer to earth, mass, gravity, it would, it would, uh, I guess slow down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's saying if you're on a black hole, it would really slow down, like in the movie Interstellar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the only scene I remember from that movie, is that scene, going down that swamp, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same character, right? They just called it a different title. It's... I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is possible. Stephen Hawking says though, people will never travel to the past because he threw a surprise party in 2009 and only invited people from the future and no one showed up. He didn't announce it till after the party and, uh, but no one showed up. So he says that proves that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't send him out, I guess, but I guess he announced it after the fact. Hey guys, I'm having this party that was last week. If you're in the future, come back and I've got hors d'oeuvres, I got champagne and, uh, he held it. No one showed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they would have had to showed up at that party then, and nobody showed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a professor at the University of Connecticut, astrophysicist professor, who has, says he's invented a time machine. And he's figured out a way to travel back now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His dad died of a heart attack at age 10 and ever since then he's been obsessed with creating a time machine to go back. You don't believe that. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's been obsessed with creating a time machine and he thinks he's figured out a way to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now he wanted to do this time machine after his dad died so he could go back and warn him to save himself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they say if you were given a penny and each day you could double it by the end of the month, you'd be the richest person in the world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I was wrong about that. Yeaah, it would really really take off fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't going to tell Dusty this. There is, uh, there's a time zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two very similar universities. You went to college? I went to, well, thank you, Dusty. I went to, uh, Middle Tennessee State University. Okay, yeaah. Alright, I'm familiar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in the week before I tried to get him to have a cigar and that might have had some impact on him too. Oh yeaah. It's the perfect storm. I think I really drug him down with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there you go. So we bombed. Oh, that's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where, yeah, you were in, uh, where were you at? Well, I did a corporate gig in Chattanooga last week, but two weeks ago we were in, me and Bates were in, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if that's their job all the time or if they go in and they're like, today you're on duty of getting people out of here. Yeah. Like, because if you, if that's your job every day, at least you know what you're into. I think it is their job every day. But like, what if like you go and you're like, just one day they're like, all right, now you've got to get people out of the parking lot. And you're like, oh, I hate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you see a guy like that, you're like, it's clear that you've not fallen off a cliff before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Right, cause they don't, he got no fear of it. But once you've fallen, you're like, oh this could happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, because yeah, you're less brave when that's happened to you before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I, I just don't love enough, I guess. I'm not, you know what I mean? Like I've never had that. I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had the feeling that I might fall. Yeah. And that's terrifying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, when I'm driving in the mountains, sometimes I want to drive my car into the truck off ramp, you know, the ramps where it saves you. I'm like, that seems fun to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you ride into that thing, the truck's ruined and your boss is not like, at least you're safe. Your boss is like, you ruined the truck and you're not there on time. I'd imagine that they just tow you out though. But it's a whole thing. But the boss would be mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. The boss is now, like when I delivered pizzas, there would be these neighborhoods that we wouldn't go to at night. But then, or my boss would say, if you feel unsafe, just bring the pizza back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean dogs are coming out, they're big as the car. I'm like, I don't think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't send a comment to the podcast being like, this didn't work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I used to play in the woods all the time. I was never afraid of bears and never even crossed my mind to be afraid of them. Well, the bears, I probably had more money than you. Yeah. So the bear, well, yeah, well, they weren't looking to rob me. That's for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when I saw the Revenant, it changed my whole, I mean, I'm like, I know this is a movie, but I'm terrified of a bear now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I caught a raccoon in a trap last night. I didn't even mean to really, I'm trying to catch a gopher. And I caught a raccoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The trap is not set up in a easy way to just let things go. Oh yeah. I had to really rig it up. And this raccoon was just took off, but I mean, I'm terrified of this little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you know, just in my neighborhood, but yeah, it just comes around. It digs in my trash or my compost and I, you know, put a little steak meat out there, a little fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let the fruit, I don't know, try to turn it and turn it into dirt. I don't know. They say you throw all your fruit and your vegetable scraps out there. That's the compost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that is true. If not for my wife, who knows where I would live and where I would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'd be up to. I wanted to convert a shed into a house. My wife's like, I'm not living in a shed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I bought Landon and didn't even realize there were building codes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She looked it up, she's like, I don't think we're allowed to just convert a shed into a house. So I called the city and they were like, oh yeah, you're not a, you're not allowed to do that. Even on your own land?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, it depends on where you're at. Some, you go far enough out there, there's no building codes. Yeah. Which, uh, hindsight, I wish I had done that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like imagine if there were no water anymore. I mean. Yeah, yeah. Like they shut it off. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's, it would be, I mean, and the power went out one time. I let that go out. I, I lapsed on the bill, but sleeping with the, with no air conditioner for a night, it's just like, it feels like a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, I'll just, he's not a threat to me. Yeah. Just get bored and leave. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how delusional I was about bears. I watched this. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you watched that whole- And so you still were fine with the- with the- Well, I guess cause you can't see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he filmed it. One guy became Woody Harrelson, and this is what happens to second place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go off down and go like toothpick, you know, that move off the diving board. Yeah. Right into it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to have to throw the sheets back to see if there's stains on the, on the feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I put the robe on for jokes and videos, but I'm not interested in wearing the hotel robe. I'm not a robe guy. Yeaah. I don't wear a robe. When are you supposed to wear a robe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I never got the robe thing either, but now, like when I got days off, you know, and it's the winter time, you just get up, throw the robe on. I would wear a robe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it could be the same thing. I've not had the right pajama suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they have pajamas? I don't know, I mean that seems like the way to go. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks close to a, I love barbecue bathrobe too. I mean, I know that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This girl actually on the screen does not look all that happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done that. Not, not, I mean, I opened the door one time and the people were like, Hey, hello, hello. And they were just, and we stood there and talked for a while. And then, and I went back down and did you get inside the room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this was, oh yeaah, one dollar, uh, or if I DTAG. That's interesting. One dollar. So I guess it is worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why the towel cost 50 bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, imagine though that your job is, he says, I write software for an industrial laundry equipment. Like, it seems like that job gets worse the longer you describe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe more, well, but it's like, I, when I sell pesticides, I would say I'm a sales rep for a chemical company, right? And the more people ask questions, the more it was like, alright, I sell pesticides. I think it's funny that you're writing software for industrial laundry equipment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. When I stopped waiting tables to do this job, it felt good to be able to tell people that I didn't wait tables. But after awhile I was like, you know what, I'd rather just tell people I wait tables. This is too much explanation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If this kid takes a, uh, his date back to the house and they're like, let's look at the family photos. I mean, it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the definition is shorter than the word itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, does this guy have all the answers? I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is it so wildly spread? Why is this myth so wildly spread?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She seemed to let this go for a while. I mean, the pastor had to come in and go, listen, this is a joke here. She's, she's really nailing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, where are these guys at now? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Tell us more, John.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe why I didn't bring it up. Oh yeah. I don't want people to know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that actually is my backyard. I own that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that 10 came from my trailer after a tornado.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I mean that would be pretty awesome in the trailer park I grew up in. I mean we would have been hanging out in there for sure. And it would be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just saw the movie Legend last night with Tom Cruise. I don't know if you ever saw that. Old movie made in 85, one of his first movies. Like it's a whole fantasy. It's so dark and so weird. Ridley Scott, uh, it is so wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was like, what is going on? I prayed after it was done. I was like, I don't know, I've let spirits into the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, his whole thing is, I am Groot. I mean, it's the most brilliant, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a Twix is like a Milky Way with a little crunch to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Snickers is trying to cross over into food. They're like, we're food now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a cliff bar. Eat a Snickers and then have a Milky Way for dessert. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I was thinking, you know, there's only two ingredients. So maybe wrapper, chocolate, nougat. And gray. Yeah. Just the gray.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they say that coffee could contain a certain amount of rat poop. Oh yeaah. And that like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How good a coffee is they have people that test it, they taste it, and they can tell you if it's got too much rat poop in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a meal. Like a Snickers king size? You can be fooled before it's over. And you're like, oh, I'm actually, I'm, I'll wrap this up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Easter time, they would, uh, they always have this big candy. They always really emphasize everything's big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We used to have these big Hershey bars that we would get and we would put all our candy in the freezer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was a kid, my sisters were, they're 10 years older than me, but they were like teenagers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my one sister had eaten all her candy and my other sister had some still in the freezer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were living in the trailer. This is a very trailer park story. And my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My sister went for my other sister's candy bar and my sister started yelling at her. She was like, that's my candy bar. You already ate all yours. And my sister was like, here take, she cussed at her, but I'm like, she goes, take your candy bar and threw it at her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And hit her in the head and busted her head. She had to go to the hospital and get several stitches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For being hit with a frozen candy bar. You remember the candy bar? Hershey's. It was a big, like a big oversized Hershey bar. You know how it's breaking into those little pieces? Yeaah. So it was like frozen solid. Wow. Chunked it at her, busted her head. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did y'all eat the candy? I'm sure we did. I mean, when we got back, we were probably like, well, it's, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean that is as trailer park as it gets. My one sister had several stitches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My one sister, she was riding, uh, four wheelers with another guy and they were like just flying through this field at night and went through like a barbed wire fence. Oh my gosh. They got all cut up. I mean, he was in front. So he was all right. I mean, he was bad off. She was okay, but she got cut up pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she went running around a truck one time when she was a little kid and the tailgate was down and she went right around and hit her face on the tailgate, had several stitches. I mean she got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and she was diabetic, she went to the hospital, she went to a coma one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A diabetic come with, she was in the hospital all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think maybe snickering from, yeah, maybe, or, or from some like finger looking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fort Wayne, Indiana. Oh, really? Called Snickers? Yeah. That's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And maybe it's the, uh, the kind of the nay, they say a horse nays, but when you hear it, that's not what it's doing. It's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not going, neeeeh. Oh yeaah, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, you know, I don't open a Hershey Kiss that way. I don't use that. What do you do? I just, just, it's very thin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I think it's all the ingredients. It's everything, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. I think Butterfinger's the best. A frozen Butterfinger can't be made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like when the candy bar goes off on a weird tangent. I'm not looking for energy here. I'm just looking for taste.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody better let a finger on my butterfinger. Yeah. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. And you know, a butterfinger is always broken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every Butterfinger I've ever gotten, if it's the full length one, it's broken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I mean, but all candy is best frozen, in my opinion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, uh, I like a Ben and Jerry's Reese's cup ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean that, and then that was like the same kind of stuff that was in the, the, the straw. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always been a chocolate guy though, more than a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do less. Do less. What about the Snickers ice cream bar? That's good. You ever had that? That's a good one. This was another candy I used to get into as a kid. Whoppers? Get the full milk? Oh. Milk? The cardboard milk jug of it? Yeah. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had that milk jug though, it felt very, uh, I don't know, it felt good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then every once in a while there'd be like a chocolate in there with no, uhm, stuff inside. It'd be like a bad one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's dumb what a bad one once in a while. And it wasn't good. It wasn't good. I mean, it was just chocolate, so it's probably all right, but you're expecting that crunch. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really disappointing. What's inside a whopper? It's almost like a three musketeer, but it's hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's like old round three musketeers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. My dad chewed tobacco and that's why I liked Big League Chew. Yeah. I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't like do big league chew and then go, oh man, this next chewing tobacco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll eat it, but I'm not a- I like the commercial, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat. I'm into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean imagine having had written that, you know, and then didn't get credit for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, two decades later, he dropped a diss track revealing that ba-da-ba-ba-ba. He's still not loving it. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish it was that easy to grow. I'm struggling to grow watermelon. Oh yeah. Yeah, and it is not that easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My stepbrother once told me and my younger stepbrother, he said he, he got real serious with us. We were eating watermelon and he told us he knew a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm told that the seeds are very, uh, vitamin rich. Oh. And that if you, and they're very good for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they say it has like zinc and some other vitamins that you don't normally get. I eat them all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're not, I don't know, they're just coming into season, but I don't know, a couple weeks ago I had some. Oh really? Actually, probably Friday I had a couple pieces. You put anything on them? Salt? Sugar? Sometimes I'll do salt, but I mainly just eat it straight out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to, I just eat it right with the seeds and just crunch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I try not to be so public about my eating of it. You know, I don't mind telling people, but I try not to bring a whole bunch of it out and just eat in front of it. Cause I get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll cut it into slices, you know, and just eat it right off the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you want to go. I like to eat steak alone because I'll get an, I'll really pick it up and eat right off the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the movies they'll go, oh, if you upgrade to the large, which is like a half gallon, they'll go, if you upgrade to the large, you get free refills. I'm like, who wants a refill after a half gallon of Coke? Who needs this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything I've eaten in the movie theater I feel disgusted by, I gotta throw it all away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. Yeah, I hate to share food like that. Like, I like to go, let's just, like, when it comes, let's cut it in half. I'll take mine. Cause I eat fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm like, I'm eating and I'm like, well, I'm already, I'm, I'm, I've eaten what my portion, but it's, there's still more there and you're not going fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nashville restaurant, Calypso, best nachos. Give that a go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give that a go. You don't even need to flip it upside down. It is all the best. Oh really? It's what you want. It's what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a straight up Oreo eater. I don't, you know what? I'm not that into Oreos anymore, but I like a cookies and cream ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a big fan. Uh, milkshake, uh, Chick-fil-A I think has a good cookies and cream milkshake. I'm all about it. Cookies and cream ice cream. Cookies and cream Halo top last night. Cookies and cream what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you can casually eat stuff too. Like you can casually eat so many calories and not even think about what you've done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, uh, nothing this weekend for me, but then after that, it really ramps up. I'm going to Lexington, Kentucky, comedy off Broadway, second week of July.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then Odell Williamson Theater in, uh, Bolivia, North Carolina. Oh wow. And, uh, yeaah. And, uh, outside of Wilmington. And then Toledo, Ohio. So, it's hot shows coming. Hot shows. Hot shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's there even really to do as the first base coach?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate it, but I never understood it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chocolate covered gummy bears, they seem like conflicting. Well, I'll try it too, even though the packaging says so. Yea, I don't like the packaging at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how you make sitting alone all day seem so sad. I mean that's, that's my joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like are you like doing the tightrope? Walking the tightrope? Yeaah. Like you can fall, but you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at Six Flags one time and you do that spaceship that goes around and it would usually go around, like it goes up and then it comes down and then eventually it goes over and it goes over like three times. I remember the guy seemed mad when we got in the spaceship and we went over like six times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I don't like a county fair. I feel like a state fair, they got a little, it's a little better. They got a little more, but a county fair, it's like that guy could have been on a bender. They're setting it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and Aaron did a fair and, uh, someplace in Washington, about 10 people came to the show and, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Puyallup, Washington. Yeah, about 10 people came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like all the chairs were taken out of the arena. It was just a huge dirt field and then just endless amounts of stands out there. There's about 10 people out there, maybe 10 on the field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a great, and then just, you know, a hundred yard gap in between.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever get invited to golf? I've been invited before. But you just don't do it? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually met Jamie Johnson at the Opry and I think he was, I don't know if he was going to invite me, but he goes, you ever golf? And then I made jokes about golf for about five minutes. And then later it was revealed to me that he owns some golf courses and I was like, ah, might've missed an opportunity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get into it. To hang with Jamie Johnson. Yeah. But it would have, I don't know, I'd like to hang with him, but in a different fashion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Between here and they'll talk while sitting straight and you can, I'm like, it's, it's like a hassle to listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what I, I mean, I agree with the number two, like don't blow it up in here, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said it's just for brushing your teeth. Like if you need a shower, you bathe off it. I think it's just good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Matter of fact, if it locks from the inside, let's go ahead and lock it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll pee twice on a plane just because. Just for fun? Yeah, I mean, I'll sit down, I'll go, well, as soon as we take off, I'm gonna go ahead and pee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to wait till they break out their laptop, hook up headphones, pull down the tray. I go, you mind if I get up here? As soon as they get all situated. Get their coffee. I go, I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I guess the other kids were grown too, but we were still like accepting that, but I was myself now. I felt like I was much cooler and I don't mean cool like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, I don't know, whoever a cool person is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just believe in it. But now, I'm like, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in the office getting in, I'm in trouble. Oh yeah. But I found in the yearbook where I had wrote down that certain teachers were nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I wrote one lunch lady was nice. I don't remember her, right? I don't know what the lunch lady did for me, but I noted that she was nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What girls were hot? I wrote one girl needed to brush her teeth. Uh, some girls were okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's coming together, piece by piece. It was shocking to me to read, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll look her up on Facebook, just see how it's going. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even like, I know we were all kids, but some of the girls I listed as fine, I was like, are we sure about that? You know what I mean? Like I was like, what would you taste at back then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, I'm looking at them, but I'm also like, well, they're, you know, what a 12. So it's tough to, it's a tough call to make. I was also 12 at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't sound like some jerky I want. I'd never heard yee yee until somebody yelled it out at a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't know, I mean Yiyi, we had a good time at one show that I did saying Yiyi, but I'm done with it I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Chewing tobacco. It seemed like that was one of those hats. That seemed like the second hat there. That seems like a chewing tobacco pouch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea that you buy the ticket and that money piles up from the tickets being purchased and then that's the pot you win, there should be no issue with the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody's like, you know, out here spending money, spending that lottery pot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feels like somebody would buy that card. They're like, listen, this is not signed by Michael Irvin, but it is signed by Michael Irvin's son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the grandma had so many comic books that she was just like, well, this one's for Caress. All these others, I have these spoken for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Superman is like, ah, it's so boring. He's like, oh, I got all the powers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, imagine King Griffith Jr. just having a rough day. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It gets away from you. I got, I got Y's in my name. Y curse of Y's tough, you know? So my signature is just a, that's a scribble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And where was the ball? I mean, was the ball in a trophy case and the dog walker thought, you know what, this is probably where they keep the dog's balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just hope that they're not smart enough to counter back with that. Yeaah. But, but, you know, wanting a coin like that. Yeaah. Seems unlikely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That feels like a real like intellectual mob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just regular season. Well, yeah, Alabama's a Goliath. Yeah, but, but it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. But people, people are so strong now playing football that they're like, it's getting hit by one of those guys is like worse than running into a goal post. Yeah. They're so big. I mean, it's unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to like to watch big hits, but now when I see big hits I'm like, I just feel bad for the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say, well they knew, they were like, we're about to get paid. Let's go ahead and splurge on these tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, a couple of guys identified themselves. They have not confessed to a crime, but they did identify.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week I didn't get a coaster. This week, thanks to Bree, I have one. That's so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also could double as one of those little air hockey, uh, pucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Colorado is such a beautiful state. I've drove all around Colorado. It's so nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first time I drove into Colorado, though, I came in and it just seemed like, kinda like Bayer Mountains and some trailers out on there. I was like, oh, okay, this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or it's lower, I guess. You can go through Wyoming to hit Salt Lake City there. I've done Salt Lake City into Wyoming before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had two shows and then I told people after the show that I was lightheaded and they were like, oh, you just gotta drink water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I pounded like four or five waters. Felt great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does that go down into Texas? Become the Red River?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's more, uh, hops. A little hoppy. Yeah. I met the guy, the coolers guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In, uh, I was doing a thing in Vegas at, uh, for the, I dunno, some country music award show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was out there and I don't know why I was still out on stage, but they had me still be out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like the, yeah. The guy that owns it? Yeah, like the Coors fanboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotta imagine the popularity of that name died off pretty quick though. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well now we can watch people on the internet do amazing sports things anytime we want. We don't need to wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't think about that. Now I flip through it on TikTok and go, ah, seen it. Yeah. Seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it feels good when that, like when I lived in Charleston, James Island rejected a new Walmart coming and it just felt like it was like, yeah, we shut them down. So the Walmart that was already there had to turn into a super Walmart. They couldn't build a new one. It just felt like such a big move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, Walmart likes to, you know, abandon their old building and then just build a new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, that, that feels like Colorado rejecting the Olympics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did the Aspen Comedy Festival and you can see the mountain outside of my hotel where people are just skiing down. It seems so fun, but I have no interest. I sled it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, with some dogs pulling me around. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's a WHOLE different. Yeah, I had to piece it together as it was coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You die. What if you did the toothpick though? I always wonder that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you do toothpick, can you just pierce the water and not like if you jumped into water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have time to kill, you're not like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, yeah, you would. Yeah. I guess an airplane would be tough cause it's moving. So you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you wouldn't want any, like, uh, wind blowing you. You need to go, cause if, if, you know, like if you're going like this, you're like a, you know, almost like dragging the tip of the toothpick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They crash, really. I mean, you know, they crash into the trees. Few of them survived.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we gotta keep it, you know, keep the memory alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's what Julie did in the plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But not one or a guy was like, I laid down and I was fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean probably, I mean more likely I guess you just was not able to jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Denver, they do, uh, you know, I got a lot of, you know, so depending on, they had a lot of underground. So, you know, the airport, the airport does. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that's why they legalized weed so fast? Like just to be a part of the whole highest of everything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently country music singers did not like him. Charlie Rich, when he had to announce him as like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Best male vocalist or something burned the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charlie Rich was pretty much banned from country music after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just think it was that they were like, he was singing about being a country boy, but wasn't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last name Bernd at least. Do the sideburn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Much different than I thought. This looks like Henry John Duschendorf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is 100% the tour you would do. I mean, I love the Gerald Ford Presidential Library. It's like, that's another day when I'm sitting alone in the hotel all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, chances are you don't get booted for doing the right thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I was always in the wrong, but come on. Just, you gotta, you gotta call a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tow truck companies, never friendly. They're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is there a number on the boot and you just call it? Yeah, they'll put stuff on your car to let you know that you've been booted and don't drive away because you'll damage your car. I've been booted so many times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I love that. I mean, it's a good thing scooters were not around when I was drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, I mean, a lot of people, you know, have some thoughts about fluoride. I'm not saying I do, but they, you know, they think that fluoride is not good for you. Oh really? That it's bad for your brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. You know, what do I know, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know the dentist used to give me fluoride all the time and I have had so many cavities. I mean, it is unreal how many cavities I've had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It didn't help my teeth. Maybe I was, I think a little bit on us to do some stuff. My teeth have been brown before too, but not because there was too much fluoride.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No ad. That what you said there didn't, doesn't say nor ad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too far down the mountain, really. They're like, ah, maybe we shouldn't have dug it so deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's handy, that is, that's the way to go really. I don't know. That's what, that's what Indiana Jones is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time there probably was a chance that I could have been a refrigerator repairman. I mean, I was on that path, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the old refrigerators would have got us through a nuclear attack. The new ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did have like some Egyptian god of death statue out at the airport at one point for a little while. It was a temporary thing, but I thought that was never really a need to have that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slow baggage claim. My bag, it took so long to come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my nephew who had never flown with me, had never flown at all, just did a carry-on bag, and I had a checked bag, and I felt so stupid, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, this is not normally how it is. I don't know what they're doing out here. Maybe they're all on drugs. I remember making that joke to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get a little mirror like you see in the movies and we can hold it out and look at each other, but I have some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was two bunk beds and then a little toilet in between us. One guy I kinda knew in there and it was, I was like, I wish I was alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I was like, yeah, I had to. He was talking to me and I was like, I'm ready to get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you're talking about, you're never going to get out of there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's like, you don't need to keep up the social skills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, imagine one hour of free time and you use that to kill. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about the Denver Broncos greatest quarterback, Tim Tebow. Yeah. All right. We'll move on to Clark. How does that guy know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, our plane was messed up, but the pilots were having an affair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just remember those days. I was just drinking heavy, sitting in a bar, watching Tim Tebow win a playoff game against the Steelers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never liked him as a Florida Gator, but in the pros I was, I was Tim Tebow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be, uh, I guess tonight I'll be at the Washing, oh no, no. Iowa. Iowa State Fair. Yeah, you guys are at the Iowa State Fair with John Chris, and then I'll be at, uh, Wichita, Kansas at Vorche's Cocktail Lounge, and then I'll be in Kansas City, Missouri over the weekend at the Improv, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Columbia, Missouri at a place called the Blue Note on Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. God, this guy stinks. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright pal. That's like if my wife calls me dude, I'm like, she's mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the NateLan Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take action and prevent hair loss. Go to keeps.com slash nate to get your first month of treatment for free. That is keeps.com slash nate for your first month free. Awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life is busy and your well-being is important. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of Vitamin D and five free green travel packs with your first purchase. That's AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I am sitting here as always, Brian Bates, Aaron Webber, and the new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're here to stay, Justy Slay. All right. We're having a good time. It's going good. We have good new microphones. Uh, our microphone stands, uh, which is fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Aaron doesn't care for it. No, I'll figure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did, uh, well being left-handed, like, I mean, so nothing's like made for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of like, uh, stuff that's not against left-handed, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stuff that's made for just right hand, like so much so that it seems like left handed people were made pretty late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he was like, we already, there's just everything that's like, oh, we've already got a system, everything's going great. And then the first one walks in and you're like, a dead gu- I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad was left handed and went to catholic school and uh, they made him be right handed. Really? They would hit him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, he can do a little bit of both with magic. That's why he's a magician. Everything else is right here. He's right here. He's had to trick people into being right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they did it just the pure nightmare of the stories of just going, would I go buy another desk?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, they should have all left-handed people. When you go to the next grade, you gotta bring your left-handed desk in. You always gotta move it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a pitcher with one arm. He just put the glove like on your, on the nub, switch it, catch it, put it on the nub, throw it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, you could, you have to do both. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like in baseball, like when they would see you baits come up, they're already like, oh, and then you get in the left-hand batter's box, you're like, of course, of course he's also left-handed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, I mean, if, I would imagine if, I mean, the level of the pros, if you're fast, I'd imagine that's a gigantic advantage. Like they're just taking off, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you didn't see it when you had this hat and hair when you were a little kid walking around that? Oh no. I imagine you always looked like this. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I mean, I change about everything every four years or even more. I do it, so I get it. I have no problem. I looked horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let's get up these comments, uh, so this is for the end of the world comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alexis J. I legit threw my hands in the air and screamed yes while driving when Nate announced that Dusty Slay would be joining. All right. Thanks Alexis J. Alexis J. That's a good name. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Durton to Dust, not a bad name either. Uh, Nate and Dusty are literally my two favorite comedians. I can't believe this is real. Alright.


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[Assistant] Oh, what is this? I'll try something out. Oh, putting some comments up here. We got some links. Look at this. Some visuals. Uh, Lee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate, what are you doing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the comments are going up. I think that's neat. Uh, you know, dusty mean you will always be on this podcast.


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[Assistant] It's true. Well, Greg Warren is great. I mean I'm a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Uh, so you might not be here. Uh, no. Jenzy Walker, Taco Bell's Chili Cheese Burrito is available at selection locations. That's she said, selection locations. Uh, or, uh, just none in Tennessee. Here's the list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Alright. Alright. That's good. There's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, up, alright, alright, this is good. I like that there's a website, chilichi.se. Yeah. Well, it looks like the website's livingmoss.com. Oh, cc.livingmoss.com. Do you have to type in cc? I don't know.


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[Assistant] No one does that. That never really took off. The WWW.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, like I see sometimes it tells you to do that HTTP. You're saying I never have to type that in.


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[Assistant] Uh, I mean I don't do it all the time, but I feel like I've been sent that direction.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, this is very, I'm very pumped about this. Oh yea? Yea, very very pumped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Craig, wait, Ben, Ben Slatton, Slayton. After seeing the shark attack map, I did some research into the Kentucky shark attack. It was not in the Ohio river, but was a group of people who were bitten by small sharks at an aquarium in Newport, Kentucky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caught Kentucky on the map after talking about Missouri and Illinois. Uh, yeah. So why would they even put that in there? Because it's a shark attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but everybody knows what we're doing here. I mean, that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, that's, that's, you know, why, you know, it's like, well, you got, isn't that a query? Like that's much different, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think it's borderline, that's, I mean, that's, yeah, you can't put that as a shark attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's the United States, how high does it go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're on a decline right now, uh, which is good. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the, at the peak seems to be what a middle of 2017 was just, it was just happening. I mean, all unprovoked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just, I mean, 48, it was, if you weren't bit, you're lucky. It seems to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. If he's like, he goes, unprovoked. Are you kidding me? I should have heard the things that guy was saying about my mother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 1910, not a lot, but I can't imagine where were you putting those in.


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[Assistant] You know, 1910, I don't think they could call someone and say...


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[Assistant] I would still probably just, why would I not give the doctor the internet?


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's not too much stuff. I can understand that. You're like, it's a local, probably the real family doctor knows everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the, and he died then. Oh, and horrible death.


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[Assistant] Craig Huddo, I listened to your 100 episodes. Thanks for the shout out. I'm the guy from Tennessee who was attacked by a bull shark in 2005. If you are needing material, I would love to be on your podcast to tell my story. I may even end up running for mayor of Lebanon, like you suggested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awesome. I'm glad you listened, Craig. I'm sure Bates will look into you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that does have to be crazy. You walk around Lebanon. I mean, I don't know if he still lives there. Well, everybody's going to think you went to war obviously. Like, you know, and then you're like, no, it was a shark attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, everybody would say, like, no one, you know, no one's going to imagine you cause not that. It's a shark attack. I should have prayed for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tyler Cooper, what if people were killing themselves before the rapture on May 21st, 2011 to avoid the long lines at the pearly greats and beat the rush?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of like those, I was here first. People who sleep outside of the Apple store when a new iPhone comes out. Talk about your all time backfires. That is true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would imagine you're like, you know, there's a good system in place.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. It's not, you know, you're not going to have Jesus just being like, all right, guys, hello, back up.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I think it's very impressive. I think the closest I've come to high five is strange.


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[Assistant] Pride Rock 92. I have never been more proud of a grown man reading as I was when Nate did the bionic reading. I was driving and listening in disbelief, pushing my head all the way into the headrest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the way into the headrest when he was reading. Literally taking a bath.


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[Assistant] Even with that little wobble, Nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level.


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[Assistant] I've never been more proud of a grown man reading as I was when Nate did the bionic reading. I was driving and listened in disbelief, pushing my head all the way into the headrest when he was reading.


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[Assistant] Literally taking a back, even with that little wobble, Nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level. I did do better at it. I'm trying to read a book and I wish they, do they write it? Can they make it be this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have a hard copy? No, I got a Kindle. Cause I was like, I'm gonna start, I'm reading, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] U.S. History for Dummies, because I don't know anything about. I'm going to go through the dummy books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I, but I forget even what this is about. And so like, I just ended up, I'm trying to just go read and we'll go through all, like how many I can go through. Yeah. Those are pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you said nothing about it just like they did. Maybe they all did and you should have all said. You might have started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Cody Bond. I can say without a doubt Dusty would be the best spy. Have you seen that man take a hat off? It's two different people. Talk about incognito.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, your only, uh, kryptonite would be if someone asked, are you the spy? That's true. So basically you could be good. You would just almost tell your spy bosses, look, I'm going to fall apart if someone goes, are you a spy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't think you could get a little, you could probably conspiracy it up in your head enough to then go like I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they have a, yeah, a spy, but they won't have a voice of a spy, so it doesn't matter what he talks like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just thinking of how we can blend in. They're not going to be like, are you in that spy movie that uh, and you're now a spy and you're like, god dang it, I can't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Kyle Regan. Nate DeFin and Yuri Geller is so funny. The guy was fleecing people as a fraud and Johnny exposed him to help people not be taken advantage of. What was this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I get it. It's something about just the meanness. That it's like, to do it, like I figured there's a way you could stop this without, like, doing that. Doing it publicly like that? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it's, yeaah, it's, you know, I don't, I don't know why I feel, it's just, I don't like publicly shaming someone.


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[Assistant] I just don't ever like it because it's, it's, it's like, I like stuff to get solved and yeah, I go, you should get this guy and get arrested but it's the idea that you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Publicly shaming them is filled with very much...


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[Assistant] Like the person doing it is like, I'm better than, you know, they're in a weird way they're playing. They're not talking to them, they're not trying to help them, they're not trying to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're just, it's a clap, like to be like, we made that guy look like a fool. And you're like, to me, something like that feels...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, the guy should be in prison, in jail or whatever and have to give all the money back and all that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you want them to, yea I don't know, I guess it depends on how. It's like an own, you're owning someone.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I mean there's a lot of that now like on social media where it's all like we're owning you and like we're, you know, like you took those Chris Hansen and that stuff like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I don't, that I don't mind, but I mean that's such a crit, like that's, that's really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, you know, I think it's helping people like see, I get, you know, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'm, they're both the same thing and I'm, you know, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that was before 2001, so he maybe missed that episode. And so then he was like, this guy can bend spoons. Michael Jackson didn't have time to watch Johnny Carson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like did Michael Jackson ever was just a guest on late night shows? Like in the interview?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was early, like that was Jackson five. So I get that. It's like when he became Michael Jackson in the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, on his own. He never like moon walked out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, like the Jackson 5 did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you know, that's what I mean. Like was he ever on, uh, as the Michael Jackson. We had like when they were Jackson five, it was like, that's probably blew them up. They were just, you know, a young band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they, you know, when he got, became, you know, our.


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[Assistant] I, I bet you I remember nothing from it. Where did we go? No, we went to it recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Travis, our tour manager went and he, of course, you know, he has a knife on him. And so they had to hide it. Yeah. They said you can't take it in. Uh, and so he had to hide it. He had to hide it in a bush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were hoping that it's just gone when it gets back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just having to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he walks around to the bushes and just like fills a few of them and then just one of them just slides at him. No one's on the block. No one's near us. Like no one's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would you carry the knives? Like I would see a gun more, the knife seems, I get like a little, little one just, you gotta cut stuff for like, it's a little safety, it's a little blah blah blah. I dunno, my dad keeps a gun in his overall pocket. Yeah. Loose. Yeah, just ready to go. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I would, yeah, I would, I mean, yeah, why could you not just lay the transmitter in the grass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Transmitted a warning when supply movements occurred during the night.


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[Assistant] But it's like, I mean, so it's at night and you want to be like, we could throw... A rock might be better. I mean, a box truck. It's midnight. It's just like, they're not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just see like ladies out there walking there, you know, they're just.


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[Assistant] Creative funny name. Sounds to me like Nostradamus predicted still too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he predict still? So he named it because it wouldn't have even been named still yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sky will burn at 45 degrees latitude and that's just.


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[Assistant] Give or take. Water will rise, and you're like, oh, we had a flood, I guess. And he's like, well, where was that? And he goes, it wasn't? I mean, he's no different than Yuri Geller. Yeah. Is Nostradamus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, he made, he mocked him right with the, when he would do the. Yeah. Kind of making fun of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright, did you, uh, guys, did you know Keeps? Guys, give Keeps a try. Seems easy, it's always worth taking the time to try something new. No in-person doctor visit. Keeps is delivered right to your house at a very affordable price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know more than 15 million in the US suffer from male pattern baldness? It says 2 out of 3 men and we got 1 out of 4. Are you gonna go bald?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're good. It's hanging around. You're a prototype for keeps. You should be using it. I mean, you still have it some there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you come in with a big hair. Uh, it keeps, offers a simple stress free way to keep your hair. There are only two FDA approved medications that can prevent hair loss and keeps offers both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Virtual doctors, uh, deliver straight to your door every three months so you don't leave your home. The treatments start at $10 per month. Discrete packaging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prevention is key. Treatments can take four to six months to see results. So act fast. If you are ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com slash nate to receive your first month free of treatment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a fan, as I'm getting, uh, I am eating better. Weighed myself this morning, 173. Whoa. 173.8. Uh. You're getting close to our goal. Yeah, 160 is what I would like to get to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. So, uh, I wanna do 116, I wanna go up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I had a crazy picture this week and Eric took it. It's pretty, looks pretty different. Uh, I thought a greens is a great way, uh, support your gut health, your nervous system, your immune system, your energy recovery, focus and aging contains less than one gram of sugar. And that's all you need. You need a little one gram just to be like, it's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No GMOs, no nasty chemicals are, uh, it's cheaper than getting all the different supplements yourself. It costs less than $3 a day. You don't want to go take a hundred pills a day. Those pills are old school. Do it this way. Right now it is time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convention, convention, convenience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daily nutrition, especially with cold and flu season. It is just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That is it. No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health to make it easy. Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, that is athleticgreens.com slash Nate to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, so, we're gonna, uh, this week, before we talk about it, everybody had like a, uh, I think a fun little weekend. Uh, also wanted to say hello to Shireen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A new listener, she's an artist. Yeah, very good artist. And does some cool stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, what? I mean, I was like, I don't know. If you think, what do you think I think of art? Like I was like, I expect this to be like real bad. She was, I mean, she's very, and I was like, oh, this is, you're like, it's like real art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so hello to you. Also, uh, I went to, uh, so I was at This Weekend, I was at Atlantic City, The Beacon, and Northampton. Uh, all of them, unbelievable shows, so nice everybody came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Atlantic City was great, uh, you know, it's cool to go there. The Beacon, obviously, is the Beacon, it's wild, it's kind of overwhelming. The Beacon, I was, so when I was in New York, I'd go to Sandham, New York, uh, comedy club, and you'd walk down to the train, walk around, you'd always


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we wanted everybody. The Beacon Theater is a very big deal. I mean, everybody's performed there, uh, and it's just, our, our, you know, my friends Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi, but then like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 46 something shows, the Allman Brothers did 223. I think Derek Trucks, because he was a, he's a guitarist, and he was, and he is, uh, he joined the Allman Brothers when he was like 13. He's like a child prodigy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he played it whenever, that elevator, look at that picture of that elevator. And yep. And so that's the big, there's a famous, they put all the pictures up in your, the elevator signed by everybody and they take your, so I took a picture in there and this was me, Justin, Mike doing the picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In, uh, the Beacon. And the Northampton shows was great, but you can show, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in Justin's outfit, I told, uh, I told him, I said, hey, uh, Chase didn't make it to Times Square, do you mind if he takes a picture of your shirt?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, it was fun. I mean, Joe List came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joe List got a new movie coming out. It's like, it's a real movie. You're like, wow, he's so great. Joe's got a special on YouTube. Joe's not, if you're going there for the cleanest of it, it's not that, but Joe is an unreal comedian and truly one of the, just a great, great comic man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it was fun to see all them. Big Jay came and, uh, you know, it was, it was, it was a good time. Uh, Ari. Ari got his hair cut. Ari Shafir got his hair cut in the video. On the street. And Ari looks like a homeless person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was awesome. And Batesville podcast, uh, the Instagram, she made it to a show. She tried, she missed it a couple of times. Her foot's broke still, but she still came out. There was her husband and her brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's, uh, she has another account too. And, uh, she's, she's an artist as well and does a lot of stuff. Uh, and she, I mean, she, I, I'm a big fan. She, as I told her that, I think she's very funny with everything she writes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, so it was finally, finally good to meet her. Uh, and that was fun. So, and then y'all did a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at that. Uh, Dustyville. Need to get, yeah. Dusty town. Yeah, dusty town. Yeah. It might be dusty town. Yeah, those more, yeah, little tumbleweed coming through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you go in there, you're like, look at, look, you gotta take this thing down, I can't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Did you talk to him and ask him if he was available for parties? I mean, what was, yeah. So does anybody, like your neighbors, no one, have you ever asked any of these people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I mean, I think it would be like the, uh, I think one, the amount, I work in an Applebee's, the amount of ranch you get asked for, it could never be enough. And then, uh, the other one was like in a Long Island iced tea, people drink, they, they would always be like, this doesn't taste like it has alcohol in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, it has, it's nothing but alcohol. And so they would always want to send it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's, there was a trick that you could do. You could just make the long out of it. Cause then people would want three of them and then you're just, these people are out of this control. And so what you could do, you put a liquor right down the straw. So their first sip is just boom. And then they.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would always order French dressing and I would get ranch all the time. Like if I go to a restaurant, especially when I moved to New York, I'd be like, I'll take, do you have French? And they go, yeah. And they bring ranch. And I'm like, well, that's not, that was the opposite of, and I just would be like, I just go with whatever they say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They misunderstood it and sometimes it would be like, oh, I said, uh, French and then they're like, right? Like they just couldn't figure it out. And then I would just be like, this is fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would take, I'm an extra, I'm an extra sauce guy. I always like got it. Like, so if someone asked for a lot of like ranch or barbecue or stuff like that, I'd never, I was like, yeah, yeah, I would, I would want as much as you do. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they, do you think they were doing it on purpose? Not like tipping you on like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tipping is always a weird, uh, I wish, I kinda wish it would go away, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like you should just, it's like you pay them or it comes with every, it's like even if you just got 20%, it's always added on, just sign it, never move, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. If I get asked if you want a tip, I'm tipping every time. Like it's like, you just gotta do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always liked it, but then you also start doing it when you first have a, uh, when Harper was young and you have a baby and you're like, I don't know how this is going to go. And like, so you just try to pay as like, just so you can be like, if something goes nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can just get out of here. Uh, sometimes you gotta be careful with it cause you need, maybe you want to order like, let me get one more Diet Coke before you pay. Cause sometimes you're like, once you pay, it's like there, you're gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the server like just kind of forgets about you. And uh, so I'll ask for that kind of stuff. But I mean, I'll pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cool, I mean, uh, you know, when you bring the entree, go and bring the bi- I just give you the credit card and you're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I look, I'm a very, I think I was a great server. Uh, I worked, funny I almost wore the jacket, but Jake Melnick, I worked at Applebee's where I met Laura. Then when I moved to Chicago, I worked at Jake Melnick's, uh, in Chicago and they actually sent me stuff and I don't have it on, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's, I, Jake Melnick's the guy, Willie, uh, Willie Neil that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like hired me and Michael when we first moved there. I just did, they were really big about sense of urgency. And so I've always like taken that to heart, uh, for everything that I do is to have a sense of urgency. And I think most people like, I think stuff goes wrong when you don't and you think that's fine. I'll get to it. Like it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not saying you don't have a procrastinator or something, but it's, but it's like have a sense of urgency. And so I enjoyed, what I liked about weighing tables is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just in your own world. You could have eight tables and you know kind of where everybody's doing and what they're at. And you're just, you're lost in your world. And, uh, it's, you just know that you're doing it. I didn't, the tipping was like, I wanted to, yeah, you wanted people to tip. I, I, people didn't tip me, but I never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They ate and then they shouldn't, you know, it's like, I have no reason to like, I don't, I never took it personal. I never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it was like, it's all going to just even itself out kind of like, you know, so you would just kind of go with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I didn't like servers like took stuff so personally. Be like, well dude, you're working. It's a, it's an experience. It's all kind of a crap shoot. Like you hope it all works out. You hope everybody tips. Overall, everybody's tipping. You're going to get your occasional that they don't and they, maybe they've run you deaf and like all this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's, it's, if you get hung up on that, you're like, I mean, you can't look at this as you're going like, well, if maybe if I looked at it as like, this is my career.


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[Assistant] It's, you know, you're looking at it to be like, yeah, I'm just trying to make money. I would love it if no one came into the restaurant. I remember those days. I mean, if someone was like, it's like, you know, cause people are like, I need money. I need to make money today. And I mean, if no one came in.


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[Assistant] I would, I would still probably go to these places. It's out of sight, out of mind. If you're like, if I don't see it, you're like, I mean, this is the kind of food that I would love. This is like, you eat on this food.


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[Assistant] I mean, I remember being hard. I don't think I...


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't think I ever did it, but it was out of like...


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[Assistant] Just pure embarrassment. Maybe I did, I don't know. But it would have been out of pure embarrassment of being caught doing it. And, uh,


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[Assistant] Like people are thinking I'm crazy, but it's hard not to. You see it and you're like, they didn't touch this.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. We order, uh, our Harp and Larv share their food a lot. And then, uh, but we, we order for her. But usually, I mean, we, sometimes we do have her order, but I mean, she's gonna be like cheese pizza, or kids chicken tenders. Like, you know, it's, it's not.


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[Assistant] I still, even though I worked on tips, this sounds, there's an arrogance I think that people that live off tips kind of have. And that's what I think bugs me. Cause I don't think it's fair. I don't think it's fair to be, you chose a job that's a job that's risky.


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[Assistant] And I understand you're supposed to do that. I don't think it's like, it's something that should be, we're saying it on this podcast. It should be learned like that kind of way, like this kind of way. But it's, it's, there's an arrogance with waiting tables. That's like, you know, cause their job, the ones that are going to get mad are the ones that usually are kind of doing not great at service.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they leave a little bit of a tip, not a ton, and you're like, it's not about, they, you know, that was a lot for them.


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[Assistant] A big one I learned, this is one that you do, uh, learn, especially like when I was in, uh, well maybe everywhere, but it would be, I used to give free sodas. Like you'd always be like, I hooked you up on the soda. There's free sodas cause you think you're getting tipped more then. And that's, it never worked. You want their check to be higher. I learned.


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[Assistant] Uh, I think I, I've done it with like Diet Coke or something, like a soda I will. I'll be like, hey, this is like a little flat or whatever. Uh, cause I mean that sets it.


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[Assistant] You're like the real live McDonald's ice cream. I know.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Well, as long as they don't do that. But the other way, I think I've had that, I was like, look, uh, they're like, oh, we haven't seen each other. I was like, yeah, it's great. Like you may bring them their waters and then you just kind of like go, just wave me down. Y'all talk.


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[Assistant] And you just kind of keep an eye on that table and eventually they're like, you know, and then you go take their order and you know.


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[Assistant] But I think you should go in, sorry, I think you should go in and go, hey, let's look at the menu and then, uh, go ahead and no and order it and then be like, you know, then just say to the waitress, like we haven't like talked in a long time, you know, I'm about to break up with her and so it's going to be.


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[Assistant] That's what Aaron said. Aaron started at the beginning. Oh, you do that? No, he said that reference.


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[Assistant] Uh, I did at the beginning. Oh, you did that first? At Applebee's. When Laura, I was a host and she was a server. Oh, you worked your way up to server.


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[Assistant] I mean, you just, you know, you just put where you, it's like the servers would get mad at you. I remember that. Like they, some servers would be like, why? Like I wanted that table and then all this kind of stuff. And you know, it's kind of a political game. It is. But I'm acting like I didn't enjoy, I enjoyed waiting tables. I enjoyed the camaraderie. I still.


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[Assistant] I gotta say, I still talked, I married the first person for my restaurant.


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[Assistant] And then I still talk to the ones that work at Jake Melnick's. I mean, I still, they come to shows. I still see them. I met some of them. Yeah. Like I, I enjoyed everybody kind of there. Uh, like I like the camaraderie. It's like kind of its own world. It's, it's, it's, I did enjoy it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, you're, so the way I always look at that stuff is like, you're in this business.


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[Assistant] So like your job is, there's not much I can, I can't go up and go, well how's that, what's that host desk made out of? Like there's not, there's only so many questions you can ask cause you're like.


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[Assistant] You're a customer, so you have to go, like, how long am I going to be if it's wait? And if someone was like annoyingly asking, then it's like, yea, be upset about that. But otherwise, you're just kind of like...


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[Assistant] What are we looking at? You know, and then you're just so you can kind of know like, can I go sit outside? Can I?


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[Assistant] That's a new thing. And they just say it, if they do that too, they should go, they should say like, Hey, we have like one serve. So I know you're seeing empty tables, but like there's, or two serve, you know, at least give you the reason why. But you go into restaurants, I mean, a lot of them are short staffed. I mean, you walk in, they're, they're rarely full.


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[Assistant] And there's a ton of tables and then they can't and they don't want you to sit there.


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[Assistant] It's Friday night, 7pm, and it's a hot time, like everybody's there.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, scan the code and yeah, there's not as much the, the, I would think a lot of restaurants are losing the touch of.


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[Assistant] What it, what I thought they used to be. So like, you know, like I would say Applebee's and, uh, all the chain ones. I think they used to be a lot. It felt.


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[Assistant] More professional. It felt nicer. It felt, and I think a lot of that stuff is kind of moving along.


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[Assistant] I know it sounds like, I was like, everybody was just assumed. I think people thought I wrote this song because it's about Apple. I did not. I would be, I would have definitely told you all about this.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, he was, uh, yeaah, it's crazy.


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[Assistant] What would you do alone? You'd have to just ask.


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[Assistant] They're, uh, they are getting darker. I mean, I have good eyesight and they, but it's like some places you're like, this is alright. What are we doing? Like I'm not even going to see my food.


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[Assistant] Like it's, uh, you know, it's going to be like that. My Travis, uh, my tour manager, he went to the, you heard that restaurant where they have it completely dark and you can't see the food?


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[Assistant] And the idea of it is, if you, no idea what the food...


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[Assistant] Is, or, you know, what it looks like and you're just eating, you're truly going off the taste of the food instead of being like, well this, maybe that looks gross or that looks whatever. And, uh, Travis was telling me, and so all the servers are blind.


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[Assistant] Cause they, uh, cause they, I mean, cause it's pitch black dark. So it's like, I mean, you gotta have someone that knows how to.


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[Assistant] It's like the idea, the theory of it, huh?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah. Yeaah, this is, yeaah, this is in your favor. Night Vision Gargoyles would seem, I would be ner- it seems something's nervous, I mean, aye.


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[Assistant] It's gotta cost, uh, 10 grand each to have night vision. The military.


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[Assistant] The, but Travis said, he's like, the experience is like, fun, but you're just sitting there with other people. And then, but the, the servers, cause they're blind, it's pitch black. They don't really know where you're at. And so, I mean, you're just getting just drilled on the sidelines.


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[Assistant] I mean, just your whole experience is just getting hit in the head and a plate and you don't know what's going on. It's not, you're not like sitting there and like, it would be nice to do it, but it's, yeah, you're getting like just smashed and like, you know. It sounds terrifying.


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[Assistant] I would be interested to eat food without seeing it though to see if I would eat more than I think I would


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I don't even wanna, like it's, it's, I think the idea of it being that dark is you, even if there's light on the food or something, you still,


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[Assistant] I don't know, you're gonna see a little light seeping through. Like, you still, like, you feel like you're looking. When it's dark, you're like, I have no idea what I'm... Do you eat with your hands? Uh, I don't know, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Good luck. Yeah, over there. Yeah, they don't, they have no idea.


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[Assistant] You're just sitting with stranger. I mean, all you do is hear people's.


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[Assistant] I could enjoy it. The experience of it would be great.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that'd be an issue. Well they shouldn't, you shouldn't be in there.