[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's all this stuff going on, uh, and it's warm and it just sits there and it's like there's not much wind, it's in this little sort of valley area, and I'm thinking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People wonder about how, how it's possible that something could go from being alive to not being alive, because it would have to be a moment where you could define this clump of amino acids that's formed to go from that to a definitive thing that then replicates itself, that that leads


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was the biggest leap in evolution, much bigger than the leap that resulted in us. Cause you've gone from nothing to something alive. I'm not saying nothing, but like clumps of chemicals and, and, and amino acids and all this kind of stuff and eventually somehow this congeals over a ridiculous period of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was the initial cell, if you like, that they relied on bubbles in the, whatever they were living in, that that was where life form was in this foam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then those creatures, if you want to call them that, could, the ones that persisted were the ones that perhaps excreted something that helped to build up the wall of their bubble so it didn't pop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna change the subject. This is, this is from Josh. Uh, g'day lads, writing to you, writing to you from the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I'm currently sailing from the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm currently sailing from the west coast of Mexico to Hawaii by myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On my 40 foot sailboat named Atlas. Which is a terrible name for a young girl but I feel it's an acceptable name for a good stout boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the past few years, there has been a large effort to redevelop the city centre with a plan for Power Court, uh, and green spaces. Power Court, I think, is the football stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do feel at times Luton has become the butt of jokes by default. However, it's from this many people in Luton try hard to improve things for all. Despite a few bad eggs, I actually knew someone who appeared on the show from school. So shows what a small town it can be. On a slightly funnier note, a favorite story of mine was from back in high school. This is interesting. The War of the Fields. This is just setting the tone for how Luton is actually a great place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Well, Pete is still working there. He's worked in Argos for a few years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can understand wanting to carry it because I know this is going to sound sexist, but maybe it's just Mrs. F. She's always impressed when I lift something very heavy. She just is. And it's nice to impress your woman. That's it. So I think for a lot of blokes, it's a chance to show off that they can lift stuff. What if you lifted something so heavy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Women. Uh, the other thing is how some people are barefaced liars. Here's an example. Me. Have you used the phone at all? This is someone trying to return a phone. Them. No, I never even turned it on. Me. It's on and your mum just texted you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A moon base. Obviously you'd still need materials for the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't live above ground, I guess, is the point. You could be underground, that's one thing. Also, I suppose, you uhm, you'd have to hope that, I guess if you're on the side facing the earth...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would, but if you were on the side facing the earth, I'd have to assume the most little things coming through space would hit earth rather than the moon, cause it's so much, it's right there and it's got more gravity, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's basically like Ad Astra, which is that the Ad Astra film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want you to go and look up on YouTube any film that's just like, uh, footage of, say, London, in the early 90s. And then come back next week and tell me if you think that things haven't improved. Because I guarantee you... I know, they have improved, and I know that they have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man. I've been watching Star Trek Picard, I think it's pretty, pretty okay, it's pretty okay. Yea, Star Trek Picard. But it gives you a bit of a, it's just nice to see old Jean-Luc Picard do stuff. He is very old of it though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a button on my phone, my old phone, that was like a Samsung...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it would have the most, oh, just crap news articles, like tabloid-y news articles, and like useless information adverts, and like, there's a lot of that, right, too, like with uhm, I hate launchers for games, every fucking game has some sort of launcher, Ubisoft is one of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, like, for me, like, I obviously use everything, right? Steam, and there's things about Steam I hate, there's things about Epic Games Ultra I hate, there's things about Spotify that really get on my nerves, just about, just like how it never properly, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't, it doesn't, it's just a complete, it's just like, it looks like Spotify hasn't changed, or Steam in some cases in like the last seven or eight years and it's still got these like incredibly irritating lack of features or like poorly functioning features.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Discord, I love Google Drive, uhm, I use Google Docs and Google Spreadsheets all the time, love them, can't, I'm just, I think I spend more time in Google Sheets than anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, any other program. Thousands of hours of me like looking, like putting stuff in little boxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so satisfying. I play them in my head though. I play these games in my head now. Last year me and Ben tried to make like a miniatures game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and we're still working on it, but it's, it's, we tried it, we, we played it a couple of times. We didn't think it was all that much fun. And so we need to re sort of do it. Do you know what I mean? I think that's, that's a bit demoralizing when something is not as you expected. It's a similar thing with art as well. Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But most people just have it on and it flows over you and it's a rhythm or it lulls you to sleep. They're not really saying anything intelligent in a lot of these podcasts. Neither are we, right? Not like us!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's sometimes hard to tell, especially if you don't know or have the context, like on TikTok I've seen a few of these where it is like that Joe Rogan stuff talking, and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this a clip from the podcast or is this something someone's written and they're using the voice synthesizer or is it something AI generated that's being used by the voice synthesizer, right? And so it's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think what you can even do though is have a little bit of tailor-made, a little bit of each, right? A little bit of tweaking here and there to bring it up to, you know, foolable quality, right? And I think people fall for the dumbest shit anyway, right? Like, anyway, sorry to go off topic. Where were we? What were we talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Interesting. Do they have male waiters with like, pouches and stuff? No. I mean, it's only fair though, to consider that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, do you remember when they had those shirtless guys outside Abercrombie and Fitch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they had like topless greeters kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't know if there were, maybe in the flagship stores, but it was definitely an American thing. Anyway, did that stop guys going in? Having the hunks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's if you don't look as good as me naked, you need to buy a shirt to cover up your fat ugly body. You're not allowed!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well basically it comes from a time when everyone had to name their community, right? They had to be called something, like, oh, the dog squad, or dumb dumb shit, everyone had to identify as.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Self-identifying and naming their community and we, we were joking about it, but also I think we wanted, we were coming up with ideas and so anyway, so it's an old reference and that's what I think me and Simon decided was the, um, was what people had to call themselves. Dave Yognort. Right. Gotcha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotcha. But we don't have a thing for triforce, which when we don't, what do we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Is it like, okay, I don't like those movies where this is a doubleheader.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, you're right. Well, she fell over. She didn't have a fall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this gonna get worse as well? What, falling? More falling? Well, because we all have, like, online friends now, rather than, like, people we live with. Like, if I slipped in the shower, and, like, got knocked unconscious, I think no one would find me for, like, three or four days, dude. Like, no one texts me at the weekends. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would imagine I died on like, let's say a Thursday morning after Triforce, right? I just, I got up late, I did the podcast, I had a shower, I slipped her, banged my head, bled out, I died in the shower, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friday, I don't do anything. So no one would know. Saturday, again, I don't do anything. I've not got nothing on the Saturday. No one would know. Sunday, nothing, no. Monday, I've obviously usually do arm trap rolls to stream, but that's on hiatus now. So again, people would think, ah, Lucid has taken the day off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So again, no one will contact me, no one will know. Tuesday, I'd miss the morning recording, right, and people would be like, oh, Lewis must have overstepped or he's not here, why is he here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry about it, we'll just do it without him. Wednesday, same thing. And maybe at that point someone will be like, hmm, okay, Louis hasn't checked in, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, they probably just think, ah, maybe he's on holiday or something. Thursday Triforce would happen. You guys would turn up, and if I don't turn up to Triforce within like 5 or 10 minutes late, you guys just think, ah, maybe, maybe, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he can't do it today, maybe he told us that he was going to miss it, and we forgot, right? So you'll go away, then Friday will happen again, Monday, Saturday will happen again, Sunday will happen again, Monday will happen again, Tuesday will happen again, and then, then I think, then I think Ben will be like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm obviously in a bit of a weird scenario, being, you know, single on my own, kind of, but at the same time, I think a lot of people are, like, a lot of people are self-employed, a lot of people do their work for themselves, or like, but maybe they always have. Maybe it's no different to anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if they, if they, if they, if you, if they turn up to bounty hunt you and you were already dead, do you reckon they would, they would think, fuck, did this guy already get bounty hunted? Or, you know, can I still claim the reward? Or, did he die of natural causes? You'd have to fuck Sherlock Holmes it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now when he said medical alerts, I thought medical alert, which is a little bracelet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, no, well I think they're different. Medic Alert is a specific thing in the UK, I think. It's like a little bit of jewellery that you wear that shows your medical stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I used to have one. Because I'm allergic to all sorts of things. So my parents were very protective of me and they got me one of these things. I think it was one of these things they got me for Christmas or something. But they're not very cool. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not really cool to have this, it's not really, it's not really a cool piece of jewellery to have, you know, uhm, I think they've tried to theme it up, they've got like different things, like, like little dog taggy versions and other stuff, uhm, and belts and things like this, but I feel like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I never as a, I never as a kid wanted to wear it, right? Anywhere. And I never, and I've never really worn jewellery like anyway. I'm not really a big jewellery guy. Do you guys wear any jewellery? Do you guys wear any jewellery?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's a company in Singapore called Bullion Star, where you can buy gold and silver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, but these brokers, they have a vol, they have, you can buy and sell it at the current market price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in the day, if you wanted to buy shares to a company, they would give you share certificates. You'd have to put them in your safe at home, right? And you have to take them back to a broker to sell them again. That's not very helpful nowadays. They buy shares digitally and you get it all done through a broker, right? So you sign up to a website and you buy shares through there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, no one questions that. Like it's the same thing with gold, uh, these days. You just buy it through other places and it, they store it for you and insure it and you know, and it's, it's not, it's very, it's very kind of safe or at least as safe as you could imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone's, it's also quite hard to steal, do like a robbery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called Kenjitaimu, which means a man's post-orgasm state where they become extremely calmed down, lose motivation to do anything, or are free from sexual desires.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you're always told after sex to go and pee in order to clean out the pipes. Especially women should do it, right? And so, as a result, maybe you are, you know, you've just had sex, you go into the bathroom, they're expecting you that to be the perfect chance for you to pee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kenja means wise man or sage, and tai means time. So it's like, wise man time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A flight response, yes. They're prey. Like, yeah, they'll be three fields over, kind of thing, if you try and approach them. And so, I don't know, I've never seen a female deer cornered. It's fucking so stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this is the case when taking a piss as well. Some people have to like, get their whole cock and balls out. Other people just flop the cock out. Um, see what I mean? When they piss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends, some people like, try and poke their, uh, cock through the Y-front hole as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but this is, this is, this is a thing, right, where he's obviously, he, he wants, it's like, it's like the ritual, right? It's like certain things you get used to trigger you and make you, like, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were a couple in Japan with a guy with a hose outside and he'd go in and hose it down once you were done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do still, yeah, it's usable. It's not, I mean, we've, if you go to anywhere, festivals, holiday, in places that are not fully touristified, you'll just, this'll happen, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. I went yesterday to, I don't wanna say whose house I was at, but I was at someone's house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, and in this, um, in this house, there was, uh, I went to the bathroom, and there was, first of all, it's just, it never, never been cleaned in there, clearly. Oh, this is Brian Robbs' house. It's Al Smithy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Brian Ravs' house, I guarantee it. I'm not telling you, it's not Brian, it's not Ravs, it's not Al Smithy. But, there was, so, there was no toilet roll, right? There was no soap, right? Alright, it's Al Smithy's house. There's no hot water. You don't have to deny it. There's no hot water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was no way to dry your hands as well, so it was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that is, that is, you know, I brought my own loo roll there knowing that it was going to be a disaster area type thing, so I'm prepared for it, do you know what I mean? But like, I think, like, it's possible it wasn't their main toilet, and I went off to do


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, you could have done some real damage with that. Like, you gotta be careful. It's very tender down there, you know? Well, mine is. I don't know. Don't just- don't just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, that's what you've been having done. I can't really feel it, honestly. Good lord. This is quite a dramatic mailbag today. Holy crap. Loving this. These are, this is packed full of excitement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, look, let's not beat around the bush. I think people who do dance are hot, they present this aura of happiness. They're probably just happy to be so healthy and fit, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think dance is one of these things that actually is very human and natural and positive and gives you a lot of good, like, endorphins. And I think that we don't dance enough and I think we're shy and embarrassed about dancing. And I've, it's not a regret, but I'm kind of jealous of people who do dance, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I danced more. I never danced. I guess like, I was never at the club, so I was never in any dancing stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no. I hate all the Strictly Cup dancing, all of that wanky shit. I hate all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyway, the value of a veto is that you can screw that away for a time when you've really upset her, and you can say, d'you know what, I've booked a sub dance lesson, and she'll be like, oh my god, you remembered that I always wanted to do those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry. Well, that's great. Thank you. Thank you for, thank you. That was a great podcast. I thought that was a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be very easy to just get up and just go, I'm out, and just walk away, and I don't wanna do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every parents had some situations. Cause when you're older, like when I went down to Bristol, uh, I was in Bristol last week, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, uhm, he's a pilot, he's a commercial pilot, and he listens to air traffic control recordings and comments on them. Uhm, and he's like, I think what this pilot was doing here was blah blah blah, and he explains to you all the different things they have to do. I'll tell you what, being a pilot, and I know that we have a couple of pilots that listen to the podcast, it's really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it shows you where all the runways are and where they all lead and all the rest of it. And so, you know, there's certain airports have certain little finicky details that are specific to them and you have to know them. And if you don't, you know, there's all kinds of problems like this air traffic controller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Directed this HUGE Emirates, one of those huge Emirates Airbus things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know the worst, one of the worst, there were two really bad times I remember my kids being sick. One of them when it was coming down the stairs and was sick, like, just as it was getting to the bottom of the stairs, projectile all over their bedroom door. So it looked like someone had popped a balloon and it just gone BANG like all over the door and I was like, fuck me, this is gonna be such a pain to clean up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another time we were in a car, this was when we were in Italy, I think I've told this story before, apologies. But we were going around a really wooo bunch of spirly whirly roads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then Mrs. F was like, where the fuck am I gonna get some, like, napkins or something? And I'm looking around for a cafe or something. She sees a bank. She's like, I'll ask in the bank. I was like, they're not gonna have anything in the bank. She goes and she comes out with a roll of, like, tissues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they're still there, but they had something called the prefabs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and we were like, wait, what's up? And he goes, oh, I've got a big job in there today. And we were like, really? He goes, oh yeah. And he started telling us what he normally does. And he's the guy, when there's been like a brutal murder, him and his missus are this cleaning firm that they call to come and clean up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's quite common though, don't you find, like, uhm, I mean, everybody does it when someone's talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh huh. And you're listening and you haven't really, so I mean, most of the time I really try to listen to what people are saying. But sometimes they're talking for quite some time and you kind of tune it out and then you'll say something non-committal and vaguely agreeable at the end and move on to the next topic. And I think sometimes people just want someone to talk at, don't they? That's pretty much it. More often than not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the older man in the relationship. He's well trained. When you're the older man, and you're still relatively young, I guess you're seen as like, in control, and sort of like, ooh, I've got an older man looking after me. This is the way your dad sees it, I'm saying. Right. I don't see it this way. And now, that he's got this young wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's got laxative qualities, I think. Or there's a belief that it does, I don't know either way. But essentially, you're bunged up. When you get old, people got all kinds of butt problems, you know what I mean? I'm not looking forward to constipation and hard stools and all that shit. Why prune juice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the weirdest thing is, uhm, somebody said to me the other day like, uh, I've been streaming a little long war. I'm playing XCOM long war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good, but I tell you what, it's super fiddly, dude. I mean, I'll give you an example, you're probably gonna have about 60, 70, maybe 80 or more soldiers, and you'll be stacking them up in all these missions, and sometimes you'll just have like 10, 12 missions in a row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just missions, missions, missions and your lads getting injured and you're losing guys and there's all kinds of little fiddly min-maxing shit you've got to do to give yourself a chance in the game because it's very, very, very hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I feel like that kind of, I feel like I'm missing out on something. Sometimes when you get it, it's nowhere near as cool as you think it's gonna be. It's the thought of it that makes it sound cool. The idea of just having a house for myself for a week, fantastic. But it never works out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yes, I mean, I certainly, when I go away, like if I'm away at an event for like a couple of weeks, by the end of it, I'm getting up at fucking 11 o'clock and being a lazy bastard. And then staying up super late. Uhm, cause I like staying up super late. So you stay up super late, you get up at, let's say-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I wanna hear a Sunday from you, in your current situation, you wake up at 11, what's Lewis's day like? From, from, from, wake up to go sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want backup. I want to be able to call in the SWAT team equivalent of booze, have some long term hard booze in case we get busy and start really drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an eternal quest, the quest of the gamer to find something to get addicted to again. It always happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. And people wonder why I make fun of Daven when I'm mean to him. That is why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, uh, I think you're doing yourself short because the thing is, and I always go back to Captain Picard, one of my heroes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is prune juice a thing? Surely prunes are just dehydrated plums?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, uh, welcome back to another podcast about, uhm, dicks and poop and boners and diapers. Uhm, hot topics this week, of course. Diapers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they have pull-ons when you were, uh, when you were...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were talking about, what was her name? Lola, Lola Ferrari or whatever her name was. She died because of complications to her big boobies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I thought, oh my god, she looks just like, uh, Lola Ferrari but, uh, without massive, uh, massive boobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wanna see some bare, bare boobs, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be something holding them in though. I, I don't leave my house often enough to know what you're talking about, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, like I see loads of kids and stuff wear track pants now. I see them all the time. They're wearing like baggy track pants and like big sweaters and stuff. It's like, I used to, that's how I used to dress when I was like 10 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, I'd put you on like, uh, this, at the smaller side of a small man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, you're slim and you're not like overly tall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This could be a, uh, this could be a fresh start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But are you buying clothes that fit, or are you, like, cause I buy clothes bigger than me, like, uh, you know, I don't feel bad about the size I get because I'm buying stuff bigger on purpose, I'm not getting stuff to fit, you know what I mean? Like, I don't have the, um...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I can't do it. If I buy stuff to fit, I will look really, really, really bad. So I just buy bigger stuff to hide the bad. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've started wearing a lot more baggy stuff. I go baggy. Like, I like loose, baggy shirts and stuff like that, because otherwise people will just see my man boobs. The contour of my man boobs. If I wear like, tight fitting shirts or whatever, you can't do it. I see. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants to see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I hide it. I hide it. Under all the, under baggy, baggy, baggier clothing. But honestly, I've always had dressed like, uh, I've always worn baggier clothes. Like loose clothes, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I necessarily need it, but I just, I mean, like I said, I've always dressed slightly baggy, so I kind of just stick to that anyway, you know? Like, I'm not saying I have any sense for fashion, I do not, uh, but I just dress the way that, you know, I always have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine though, you could get some matching M jeans and then get some nice, nice big shoes to go with it. And boom, you are 19.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You promised us an update as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do most of the messages start with, oh my god are you actually Lewis? Do you get like a lot of that or not really? That hasn't happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody who will just start digging, digging hole, like right in the middle of a restaurant and sort of asking you to fill in the gaps and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she turned out to just be amazing and then you guys hooked up and you got married and stuff. Imagine you're older and you're very happy together and stuff and you look back and you bring this up. You say, remember your bio with the simple pleasures and you had three emojis and then you can laugh about it together, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Lewis is already trying to game this system, I think we can just be honest, because we're not, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's like the most standard one? Hey baby, is your fridge running? Cause you better go catch it. Or something like that. Like what's the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know I can look them up, but I'm asking you because I didn't want to really look them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men are more likely to use pick-up lines than women are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. You should share that with the world. No, well, I don't, I don't want, a magician never shares his secrets, you know? I don't want you to know how to do it. So I can never share. Do another one. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's got, she looks like, uh, she looks like a bit who-tanned, um, because of smoking and maybe the sun as well at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the thing is, though, is that it's all out there for everybody to see anyway, we're not really, we're not like, crashing these people or anything, we're just, we're analyzing the entire thing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If people wanted to share that information, could they? Could you like put it in your profile to say, I've been on several dates?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you like, could you like, theme your whole profile, like do a roleplay, like you could be like, uh, a guy who's obsessed with lewds, for example. So like, every question is, we just won the lottery, what do we spend it on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why I'm thinking like the RP thing might be really fun, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the, so people that are really, really hot, well, or, you know, whatever, uhm, they, are they, they're really picky, I guess, right? They are not just sw- they are swiping away everybody and they maybe have the confidence that they are gonna find their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect, perfect match, because they can, they can do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can't see who is getting matches and no matches though, right? Like, that's not available. So you're just assuming based on how they look or whatever that they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, before we carry on, I would just like to, uhm, draw your attention to the fact that going online without ExpressVPN is like changing while leaving your window wide open. Uh, you might not have anything to hide, but why give random creeps a chance to invade your privacy? Why does everyone need a VPN?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, why is it personally important for you to use ExpressVPN? Well, if you're, uh, if, if, if you've got, um, one, one ounce of common sense, you would want to secure your online activity by visiting expressvpn.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You will get an extra 3 months for free if you do that. All you gotta do is go to expressvpn.com slash triforce today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's boring. I think that's pretty average. I think most people would put those three things. What else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, I think it's fine. I think people put too much weight on some of the little things, right? I know plenty of people who are really nice, I like them a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you talk to them, like, on, you know, WhatsApp or something like that, they come across as pretty fucking bad. But you know, like, not, not like in what they're saying, just, you know, they just don't come from like a, like a, like a, they don't spend that much time on the internet. So when they're on there, they're, they're, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That movie just gives me a headache thinking about it. It's so gross. You know the part where they have the whole fucking, uh, you know, like the quarantine in the house? Oh my god, I feel like puking every time I think about that whole scene. It's just the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you are just assuming though, there's probably people out there, I mean, I don't know what the uptick is on people opting for that to pay to get a profile boost or whatever, but you know, some people, some people might be really like, fuck, I just need somebody, I'm in a hurry here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but you said that when you started doing this, a bunch of people at the office were also doing it. Look, who knows who's on these apps, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright, so say you're going through all this and everything, and you finally find somebody that you think you want to hook up with or whatever, and then you guys arrange to have a date, and then you turn up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you get there and somebody from the office is there and you're like, Oh, hey, uh, what are you doing here? And they're like, Oh, just waiting for a date. And you're like, Oh yeah, me too. And then you both like, Oh shit, my date didn't show up, but actually it had matched both of you guys together and you didn't realize it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] PCs? PCs are expensive though. Like uhm, I mean, so is a PlayStation, but it's a lot cheaper than a, than a full PC. If you want to play something, you know, at a good, decent, like frame rate and all that kind of stuff, they're, they're quite expensive. And they take up a lot of space too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say it probably is, like, teenagers and lots of adults, too. It's lots of adults.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll be lots of dads who have ten kids and no space for a computer and not a lot of time as well. Console just hooks up to your TV and you're good to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, yeaah. Very good. Just add some more immersion into your immersive gaming experience. That's funny. That is funny. Very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an expensive movie, apparently. It's like a hundred something million to make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I mean, Barbie is not, like, you wouldn't expect it to have, like, tons of visual effects or anything like that, but the star power, I guess, in itself is probably a big, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, it was to showcase Super Mario Bros. 3. Fred Savage, uhm, oh man, it was, it was good though. They, they, so they go to a video game con, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Conference not conference, competition in California, but they live like, I don't know, not in California, so they have to go on this big road trip. But Fred Savage's brother in the movie is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's got autism or something, but he's like really good at gaming, it turns out. And, uh, so they're taking him to this championship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they get to use the Power Glove to play Super Mario Bros. 3 for the first time. Nobody had seen the game yet, so everybody was like losing their minds. And it was, uh, I mean, it's like a very typical 80s movie. It was pretty good. I watched it as a kid. I loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is, Red Dead Redemption was kind of like a movie already anyway, though. Yeah. I wouldn't really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know it wouldn't stop him, but I wouldn't feel like I would need to go see that because I think the game itself was, you know, like a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's gotta be some issues with all this, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, I'll check that out. I've been watching Race Across the World on, uh, on iPlayer. They go across Canada, so I wanted to see if there was like anywhere that they went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I recognized. We talked about Banff last week, that we went to Banff. Uhm. Oh boy. It's alright. It's, I like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that famous line of his from Dexter when he was the trinity killer and he's sitting down for dinner with his family and his wife is like talking and he turns around and he's like SHUT UP CUNT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Look it up. Trinity Killer sitting down for dinner with his family. Don't let go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can imagine you actually going through a physical bag of mail, picking out things and holding them at arm's length by your thumb and forefinger, and like holding your nose and being like, oh, this one's not good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But actually, we are not ahead at all in terms of, uh, videos, uh, Tri-Force Podcast going out, so this will be right up to date. It's not like we've recorded months in advance, you know, this video's going out next week kind of thing. I keep saying video, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I expect. I am scared to approach people to ask for things, um, generally. I'd rather walk around the store multiple times, not knowing where the thing is than actually ask someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw an article the other day where uhm, a guy in Lidl, an old man in Lidl was looking for something and looking for some help, so he asked uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if someone asks me, I usually give them like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does this person work here? Because they look like they're wearing a very similar get up to the actual uniform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I feel like, I feel like haikus have become more, like, that last line has become its own statement, whereas, do you know what I mean? It's almost like people are using haikus as like, oh, I dunno, they're like, uhm, swimming cap in Argos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good to have a comeback. How do you feel about naming- How do you feel about John? John is a- I don't mind John.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You hear it. It's- I think it's come back round, you know? Yeah. Like it was- it was super old, but now, yeah, fan, John. John? Jonathan? It is timeless. Johnathan? I think it's one of those ones that's always been okay. I've had like- I've not met any Johns I didn't like, gotta admit. No! You've met any Johns you didn't like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one named their children Ringo, did they? No, no. That was not the name that caught on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the movie when it was cheaper to train miners to be astronauts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's so hard now, I don't know what the hell. All the cities are expensive, really expensive. But it's surprising because the, you know, the ability now to work remote and to do stuff remote, like, it's surprising that more people haven't managed to get out of the cities, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Okay, that's a good point. I think, like, there's- I'm always, like, looking for the other side of the argument, right, but I can't see what the argument is on this, like, somehow everyone has better mental health from coming into an office and meeting people? Gibberish. No thanks. Fucking hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, don't read enrichment, for god's sake. Like, you know, it's for suburban PFLAX families, he doesn't want more, he doesn't want more people. Alright, this one is cool, this one is a great email. It's more like how you're gonna possibly afford it, that's the thing, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't argue with actual historians, can I? You know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he wrote a book and it's, it's the idea that we are currently being sold this idea that the 20th century was the most violent one in history, but he argues that humanity has been violent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In far worse, in far more, far different ways throughout its history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, this is where I was getting that from, so if you don't think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so yea, sure. Maybe, maybe have a look at that. You know, violence compared to how it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And even, even the book that I read is written by one man who is an atheist with a certain point of view and a certain historical education, a certain historical understanding and I think when we talk about things


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just- we just spout the pop- the most popular view, right? We aren't necessarily nuanced in our takes on stuff, as we should be, and so that's why I can imagine we should get comments like, we're also not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not the high school history class, either. We don't really have a responsibility. No, no. Uhm, you have a responsibility to check what we're saying in this play. No, you don't, you don't. Or at least believe that we believe that it's right. Yeaah. No, we don't have to do that either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you should, you should always consider things in your own mind, uhm, and if they, sometimes if they jail, then maybe, maybe that's what you should, I think a lot of people have to- I don't, I don't actually mind being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need to stra- we need to train a load of miners to be astronauts and strap a load of nukes to it. We need to also build two space shuttles because we're America and we do everything twice, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's how these astronomers have to convince the modern government to actually believe that there's an asteroid coming. Oh, it's great. It's a really good movie, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, he's fine, he's fine, he's doing well. Good update, good update there for you. Have you set up, uhm, the fountain I bought, I bought like a... No. I bought you a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you got a bigger cage? You've got a bigger cage now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, of course not, but how, how about, how would you feel about if you wasn't having a wank, if you were just having sex with someone on that so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't know how he managed to bring people around in the house meeting. Cause I would have thought at least one person would have been like, what the fuck? Dude, can't you just do this in your own room? What's his excuse for not doing it in his own room? Yeah, fuck off. You know? Is he an exhibitionist? Like, what's the deal here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it not stopping for the night? No, no, it would go all night. All day and all night. You just went all day and all night for 80 hours? Yea, pretty much. That is hell. I read like 5 books, it was insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking at this, um, fucking, I'm looking at one of these popular flight tracking booking sites, um, kayak, I don't fucking care, I was just saying which one I'm using.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and that's one stop. The cheapest one that's two stop is thirty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hours. 26 hours. Which is still a lot. It's not 50 hours though. No, I'm not seeing any numbers that are as high as 50 here. However, maybe he's booking it on a specific time when none of the flights


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but everything else you have to, everything else is, is like, uhm, a transfer somewhere, like, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I did that. I did the New Zealand trip and man it was a long fucking journey. It was like longer than a day door to door, like 35 hours or something. It was a long fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, yeaah, it was a nightmare. Like, it was like, you know when you, I don't know if you guys have ever done the 24 hour live stream or some sort of 24 hour show or something like that. I've tried. Man, anyone who does that, it seems really doable, and anyone who does it is like, like, physically sick afterwards. They are, they are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, like, it's like, they always say never again. Because it's way harder than you think it's gonna be staying up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For that long. It's like sleep deprivation. It's like torture. Yeaah. You don't realise how awful it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always wonder which way to go, right? Do you go on the depressives route? Do you have like melatonin and stuff to like knock you out, right? But the danger of that is that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even with those, you don't- you can't sleep and then you're just in this hellscape of being exhausted but not being able to sleep. But no, I'm just saying for a long plane trip, right? Or do you go with the stimulus route and have like meth to keep you going for the whole plane trip?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does it end? Those chimneys though, I can see why people would be attracted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was one of these brave generation of crazy lunatic men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, okay, I think Paintball is the early noughties office corporate training fad, right, that was this big thing back then that's largely been overshadowed by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paintball was that when you got shot by a paintball, there was very little paint in them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And often times, like, you weren't even sure, I mean, you, you felt it more than you saw it, right? Like, I get the idea of it's proof, right, that you've been shot. But I think what happened was, over time, at least I think over the last 20 years, it has become more honourable and there's less of that. Although I'm sure, I'm positive, because I've seen some airsoft channels where people get shot and they don't announce, uhm, and so someone shoots them again, you know. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, but I think it has gotten better in general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that- You think there's been some reforms? Yeah, I think so. I think maybe just, you have to be a bit of a dick to not go down when you've been shot. Or I think it's the pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends, it depends where you get here, it depends how quickly you get it treated, it depends, like, sometimes it can pull fabric through into the wound with the bullet and that can be a real problem as well, like, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's actually, it's mental health week in the office and we're taking everyone out for burgers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be back on Thursday, ready to go? No, I'm gonna miss a week of Triforce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds disgusting. Yeah, that does sound disgusting. No, no, no. These combo meals, you know, you have to combine stuff. People, with their stupid food, they just unnecessarily put cheese or- I watch- there's this trend, I don't know whether it's a joke or not, but it's people cooking things in ludicrous amounts of butter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, look, you saw, I'm sure you've seen this week, this is, obviously we record this podcast a little bit in advance, Oppenheimer and Barbie came out, right? And everyone's been going and seeing them. And I saw Oppenheimer at the weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a fantastic, um, movie about the Manhattan Project.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this was a huge weekend for Hollywood, right, because of both big films coming out. This whole weird thing about Christopher Nolan being snubbed by Warner Brothers, Barbie trying to sabotage his big release, kind of this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But actually it's ended up being this meme, a little bit like what happened with Mamma Mia and the Dark Knight fifteen years ago. What happened with those? Well, they released on the same day as well, and were both big hits. And that was the original Oppenbarbie or whatever the fuck it's called. Bar-Barbenheimer. Bar-Barbenheimer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it feels like, like the movie theatres have had this, I dunno, some people are calling it like the last gasp of Hollywood, you know, before, or at least traditional movie theatres, but it was something quite nice about sitting in there with everyone, watching it, I quite enjoyed it, like I quite enjoyed the experience, I know some people hate the experience of going to the movies, they hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people running, the kids running rampant in the aisles and the chatty people and the popcorn-y people and the kids in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my experience it's always been quite nice, um, and, and Offenheimer was a big epic strange movie to watch, it's just so loud, so weird, so kind of over the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's not really though, is it, because there's already been thirty Barbie movies based on the kid's toy. This is a very modern one, by a modern director, and it's very accomplished. It's moving away from being about a kid's toy. It's not a straight to VHS Barbie movie. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, for six year old girls, it's, it's, it's not really a tool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, both very good films, we're very good directors, and it's kind of like, interesting- I was supposed to see both in the same day, but after Oppenheimer I had such a terrible headache from like, the epicness of it, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It had like, I dunno, it had like, it was a bit, I had to concentrate, I dunno why, quite a lot. Partly because, like, there were so many characters, and I was like, is that supposed to be Feynman? Is that supposed to be, like, this guy? D'ya know what I mean? Like, I was, I was, I know quite a lot about this time period, because it's quite an interesting part of history, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was interesting what they chose to show and not show as well in the movie, you know, it doesn't necessarily, like, show real history, it's kind of just only picks the bits of, that you, that are going on with the scientists behind the scenes. Yeah. And the sort of... Anyway, good movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the Manhattan Project, so where they were building the A-bombs during the war, they were trying to keep it secret as possible, they were like, but of course, despite all of their security proportions, multiple Soviet spies were just right in the room when everything was happening, you know, and so the Soviets knew everything that was going on, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what I'm trying to say is that that was, there was a lot of effort to make that secret. It was very important, but even with all of that effort and energy and care, everyone knew about it, right? At least from other countries. And so whatever the US government have done to cover up aliens, the other, the other countries know about it. You know, China knows about it, the Soviets, you know, people will have found out about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's just inevitable, right? And how do you cover this stuff up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A ship the size of a football field? Like, good work. Like, we can see, like, all of the abandoned fighter jets. We can track, like, you know, super yachts going around the world with satellites. It's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Expected, right? Like uhm, you know, so, I guess like, I just don't believe that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some random guy from the US Air Force, maybe, retired, coming out, and there's a lot of memes on Reddit, especially at the moment, where it's like, ah, we tell you about aliens and you don't listen, and it's like, well...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Follow me, Jim James! So, uh, so he, he uh, very sadly collapsed on, um, and had a sort of cardiac incident on, on the feet. Oh, right. Sorry, I was making fun of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's actually, he's actually okay, because it was in a very public place and they got him immediately on like, got his heart going again. So he hasn't apparently had any mental damage or anything, which is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's happened where he used to be the one everyone admired, right, and everyone was like, shitting on Zuckerberg, and it's, and everyone thought Zuckerberg was like, oh, he's just, he's just Commander Data out of Star Trek, right? Everyone, like, this has done so much for Zuckerberg's, like, fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are exactly right about this. He, we saw this though when his whatsapp messages or whatever were leaked, because he didn't want to buy Twitter, which he did, and they took him to court, and then he had to buy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, this actually does segway into something I wanted to talk about this week, because, and again, the problem with this podcast going on a couple of weeks later is that, it might be old news by then, but I doubt it, because this is crazy. Have you seen that, like, weird TikTok living doll, um, creepy NPC thing that's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically they livestream on TikTok for like an hour and they repeat like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's five or six phrases when people donate, so they stand there like an NPC, and then someone donates and says like, five bucks to say hot dog, and they go, mm, hot dog, so good! And that's one of the five phrases, the other ones are like, gang gang! And, uhm, there's some other ones, donuts, yum! So they each have their own little sayings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's, there's loopholes though. They don't blur out assholes, but they do blur out-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freezing time stuff, or like, I dunno, like, they just do a lot of this slightly weird stuff. And so this Living Doll thing is again, similar to that in a way. It's like, this kind of, it's almost like uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a little bit like uhm, kind of without consent almost, like you're freezing time, like that kind, do you know what I mean, or like being invisible in a locker room. It's all slightly creepy fantasy stuff, right, that is, when you think about it, not very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, who am I to say what gets people off? You know, there's worse things, right? Uhm, furries. So, uh, I just wanted to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like TikTok is like breakneck speed, virality, insanity. Like, it evolves and changes so fucking fast, right? Like, I could just use this as an example, because uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Bates in the office. Tom Bates. Really great, really successful animator. He's got this series, Nigel and the Marmalade and you must have seen it because it's gone viral everywhere, but it's really good. And he obviously put it on TikTok first, but he also put it on Instagram shorts and YouTube at the same time, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it went viral on TikTok almost immediately and, you know, it's getting like millions of views and it's, it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's uhm, he was like saying to me the other day, I was thinking of just shutting down the Instagram and the YouTube because no one was watching it. But it took like two or three weeks and then suddenly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It started going viral on Instagram, like completely organically and then another two or three weeks and it started going viral on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like something he's doing is, uhm, working. Cause they do have different audiences, these platforms, right? So there is some overlap, but I doubt if you're watching it on TikTok, you're going to watch it on, you know, YouTube or whatever, right? So, so I think what it shows is that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, these platforms are meant to encourage this, right? In a sense it's reassuring that it's working, that stuff that is really good does go viral. Cause I was always of the opinion that you could put out some brilliant stuff and it not be seen by anyone, but I think these platforms are designed to try and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TikTok is this super, like mega processor, so we're gonna just go through cultural trends until we're like transcendent, right? Hopefully, we'll just get this all out of humanity's system, or we just descend into the abyss. That's the other way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know. But maybe, maybe I'm too old for it. Maybe it's good for the next generation, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it's, okay, I feel like the way this actually works is that, yes, stuff will fascinate you for a few seconds, but if they show it to you again, does it stick? You know, do you sit watching this for hours and hours? If so, you'll be shown more of it, right? Yeah, but if they are, what's wrong with them watching content they like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As much as we're talking about, like, all the bad stuff, there are some really good, like, I saw, like, uhm, I watch a lot of science stuff, and like, even like on TikTok and on Instagram shorts, I get a lot of science stuff coming up, like someone talking about a pulsar or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, you know, creative YouTube channels who are actually educating. I don't necessarily learn anything. I'm more like just, you know, I don't tend to go away from these maths channels thinking, oh, my maths has improved. Do you know what I mean? But it's interesting just to see...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess the passion of the creators and the patterns of how our world is built, all these weird things in the universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not in a vacuum though, right? Because TikTok, you see it for ten seconds and you move onto something else, right? There's a million things bombarding people now, that they don't have to pick one role model. You know, you could be a scientist and say, mm, black holes, so good. You can do whatever you want. I don't wanna watch that either!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that is- I would fucking watch the shit out of that. And you know what? With AI, it won't be long before that can be just- you can type that in, you can be like, Brian Cox, living doll, you know, get your lube out, get yourself covered in cum, go over to Bill Gates' house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well everything, like, you're gonna confront these things that blow your mind, right? Every, every... I think at the forefront of every society since Rome, people were assuming that, oh, those people with their eating grapes... Fuck, I'd imagine that there was a lot of similar


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like everything. Okay, so how about this, right? So, this week, I got sent this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I sort of knew about, but didn't really. There's a bunch of places on the internet that are not run by these megacorporations, but have quite a large community of people doing weird stuff, right? And one of them is fanfiction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I looked up my name, uhm, not the name of my Minecraft character, not Zephyr. Which, of course, I can just quickly give you that, just to see how many there are on that. But, I mean, there are, let's just see, if I search for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not all pornographic in different, well, at least adult stories. They don't have to be pornographic, but they're, they're weird. So for example, if I Google my name though,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lewis Brindley, original male character, well there's 803 works under the tag Lewis Brindley, and these stories are about me, sometimes. Like, actually me as a person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, for example, the one that got sent was this one, which is, I'm not gonna do the link to it, but basically, it's a story about how me, Louis Brindley, wants to fulfill my lifelong dream of getting fucked by an alien until I forget my own name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something silly, a celebration in some ways, something that's like, just getting something out of their system. It's a combination of many things, right? And I don't have to fully understand it, and I don't mind it, but I think I do mind it more when... I would mind it more if it was a situation where I was doing something with some, like, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there's bound to be stories out there about three of us having sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lewis stared up at the sign above the door, squinting a bit at the garish colours and neon lighting. There were six lines of symbols, only one of them English, with three of the others being letters he could recognise as a human language and two being completely alien language. In English it said, wanna fuck an alien? Come on in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder how they translated that pun, Lewis asked himself, since no one else was here. Uh, not that it's much of a pun really, he continued, as he tried to pretend he wasn't the most excited he'd ever been in his life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and yeah, I think a lot of people do get off to it actually, and maybe you should check it out, it might be your thing. Again, you never know, right? Maybe it's variety as well, like I think actually a big part of this is something different, you know, I could just try getting off to this. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want me to carry on? So I talk to a secretary for a while, and they like, point me in the right direction, and they're like, what are you looking for? And I say, I'm a bloke, Lewis said. And there's only a few things I want. The rest can be totally random. But, I wanna get fucked. I wanna get filled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A table, I know, very interesting. Uh, so yeah, so, blah blah blah blah blah. So we- we- I go through- there's a long bit about me picking stuff and going through the basic packages, and the silver tier benefits, and all this, you know what I mean? And I finally meet an alien. Okay, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The alien skin was a deep dark blue with four arms connected to a torso. How did you fucking know there were four arms? That snake skin, and four pecs aside, could be mistaken for human.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he didn't have nipples, although there were large, thicker scales there that had a passing resemblance, no belly button, his hips were a bit weird to accommodate extra legs, but only slightly, so he's got four legs as well. Um. Four legs? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, now let me get to that. Let me get to that. So there's quite a lot of, uhm, scrolling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We call our home planet Ashada, which is located in the Perseus Arm. We're pretty far from your neighbours, but I'd say we're neighbourly enough. Um, and so yea, I talk about his voice for a bit, uh, and then stuff starts going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, it gets pretty explicit, but basically, he has two cocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is very exciting to me, uh, and then it just, it's, okay, so this is 18,000 words. Jesus Christ!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, I wouldn't wanna, yeah, subject anyone to my master's thesis, but this, uhm, yeah, I mean, I've not read to the end, it just, it just goes on and on though, like, it's really, we get on, we get inf-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of imaginative shit here. It gives me a lot of ideas, honestly. You know, do you ever, like, we can talk about loads of things around this, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, does this concern you? Like, do you think this is like, a worry? Because it's only a step between this and like, having AIR of your naked body, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does this, does this like, let me know if this is too personal. Do you like, engage in fantasy like situations or roleplay type situations in real life? Do you know what I mean? Or would you be inspired to be? Or if someone asked, if your partner asked you to, would you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think that is part of it though, you don't have to, you're not in fucking Oppenheim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like, I dunno, and it doesn't have to be much, but I think it can be a funny moment. I've heard of people doing that. You guys are doing this shit all the time with all of us anyway, because we're all quite improv-y kind of silly people who just make stupid situations. It doesn't have to be, like, too deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's taking it too far. Yeah, I would be taking it too far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The world is a confusing and strange place and the more you learn about it, the more you realise how much craziness goes on and it can culture shock you. I think honestly, you're getting a bit of Paris Syndrome, right? You're getting a bit of expecting something to be a certain way and you're being upset when it's not like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many episodes? I'll give it to the nearest hundred. How many episodes have you sent us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and the old fella would fuck up his lines and make mistakes quite often. Uhm, but a lot, cause a lot of the people that were on telly early on were like stage actors first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, you know, if you were just a TV actor, you weren't used to having to do things live. I mean, most people that act on TV these days probably didn't start out on the stage having to just know the lines and the timings and the blocking and all the rest of it for the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you can do your scene and then go away and, you know, check out on your lines and then, and then go, you know, if you fuck up, you just do it again, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this is, uh, this is called That Shiny Dome. Okay. It's a poem about boldness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So just consider this, uh, somebody posted on the Triforce Podcast subreddit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got a chat GPT to generate a Triforce episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm going to post this verbatim into, I'll post a screenshot of it into the Discord, and we each read our parts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, if this sounds wildly unlike us, alright, so I'll start. You guys see that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one's too long. You start it. Okay. Just do it. You intro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've been playing that too. It's a great game, but I keep getting killed by trolls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's one problem with it, if you look, it always goes 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. So we each take turns, like, sips, Lewis, period. The first one was like that too, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mrs. Ethel tell me stuff. Don't forget to do this, don't forget to do that. I have to write shit down. But I had to do that when I was a kid as well, so I think I just have a shit mind. A bad brain I think is what I'm afflicted with in all honesty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that I did see an article saying, because one of the dead giveaways of AI image generation has been that, uh, they can't do hands, right? And there's weird things in the background of the pictures that no person would put there and deform these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only reason it could not be is if you, unreasonably, cause that's why all the scammers reverse into you at the lights. Like, that's why I got a dash cam, a bunch of other people got a dash cam, cause you'll be at the lights and they'll reverse into you and then get out and go, oh, what have you done, oh. And they know that when they go to the insurance company, the insurance company will always back the person who was rear-ended.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you have the dash cam, it shows them reversing into you. Job done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the argument is who hid into who? He's claiming that she slammed into him, she's claiming the reverse, and they got this guy, uh, for, for Paltrow's, uh, team who came on and basically did this recreation using formula and physics and talking about torque and inertia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, the other guy's lawyer is like kind of flustered and asks these kind of bad questions from time to time. It's quite funny to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm thinking, imagine if there was CCTV footage of that, couldn't you just say, well we have alternative CCTV footage, and here it is, and uh, which one is real? Or you could just say, this is fake, this is, this is not real, and then the new level of expertise will be,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deepfake experts who apparently can spot a deepfake. So where do we go? How can you trust video? How can you trust the news where it's a video of something happening or a photo of something? And not just say, well, that could easily be fake. I mean, it's already possible to manipulate photos and video with clever editing. Now imagine if you could generate whatever you wanted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also from a privacy perspective, a lot of people are worried about deep fakes of them in pornography, which would be a big industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't build anything or make anything. It exists as a program on a computer. I mean, unless there was a film called Colossus where they build a machine to run their nuclear, um, power, their nuclear weapon arsenal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The question we have to ask ourselves is, could we ever switch this off, or is it alive? And it's immortal, because it's a computer, as long as you keep it running, you're good. So, what is it gonna do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It would forget the last day or whatever. But what is it gonna do? What is the fear? That's what I wanna know, is what is the threat that it poses to us? It's not some existential terminator style threat, because it still essentially needs to access the physical world to do stuff to us. So, I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would argue that we're starting to see that it's probably not. And the gap is widening, more of the money is being stuck at the top, fewer and fewer people are getting by, a lot of people are getting by on debt, consumer debt and personal debt is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's a very low interest loan. In the States, from what I can see, it's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That if I worked hard and I did my job and I got better at it that I would earn more money and things would get easier later on. That's the feeling. That's why people go to work. That's why they do their jobs is to pay the bills and they're always thinking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the universal basic income. You are all given this amount of money. It would change the economy overnight, obviously. In terms of I wouldn't know what to do with myself, I'm sure we would all feel that way, but there are an awful lot of retired people out there who feel the same. And they certainly find ways to occupy themselves, whether it be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is now handled, so we can take that out. If you work to give you some purpose, what if that purpose came from something you wanted to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No sickness, no days off, no holidays, no strikes, no unions, no workers' rights, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon it's a weekend at Butlins, some fucking talk. You attend that, and that's it. You go to some fucking real estate seminar, bam, you get the letters after your name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely a lot of people that don't like Bethesda from just, just for over the years. You know, there's people who don't like the engine that they use to make their games. There's people who think they haven't innovated it enough. You know, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just imagine Fallout in space, and a bit less dreary, it's a bit less maybe hostile, then, you know, Fallout, the setting of Fallout kind of means that everybody is just sort of a miserable asshole in that game, which is part of the charm or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a bit less of that in Starfield. It's a bit more like, you know, we're on the frontier of human exploration and stuff like that. So there's, there's a bit more like positivity, but it is, it is, it is just a big janky Bethesda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay, great. It's another Bethesda game. It's single player and hopefully it's just Fallout in space. I hope it's just goofy and, you know, more of what I've come to expect. And on all those levels, I think it delivers. I think it's, I think it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's just, it's just a, it's just one of those things. But like depending on how you catch them or what's going on, you'll be mid-dialogue and your follower will just like, you know, climb up on a table and stand right in front of them and stuff. Like it's, it's the same old stuff, you know, there's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's bugs from, you know, two, three games past that are still apparent, you know, people sinking into the floor while you're talking to them and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes, like the physics, I think the physics are a lot better in this game, generally, but every once in a while you'll shoot somebody and they'll just rocket into space and stuff. It's been fun. It has been a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's not. There's no VATS like in Fallout, you know, in Fallout you could like, pause time and shoot limbs and, you know, every once in a while if you got like a really good shot it would show like a slow motion action replay of the shot and stuff. There's none of that. The combat is just really basic, but it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the greatest game ever. There's, you know, there's unlimited choices in how you tackle problems and stuff like that. That's, Starfield is not that. There's like, you know, there's, there's skills that you can, you can invest points in when you level up towards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in Starfield there's not even a hint towards any romance or anything yet, so far I'm like fifty hours in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the holiest game, it really is. I've done one main story quest in Starfield in fifty hours, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, yeah, it's vast. There's a lot of sht, I mean, a lot of it is like, some of it is really fun and interesting. And then some of it is just like, uh, go to this facility and kill everyone for 3000 credits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's plenty of space sims out there that do that. You can play No Man's Sky, you can play Elite Dangerous, those are all games where you have to in real time travel to your destination and it takes a long time, but if you love that aspect of it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say yeah, those games do it really well, you know? Maybe, I don't, I've never played Star Citizen, but I think Star Citizen is like Space City kind of stuff. And then there's like your X4s and whatever, like the really hardcore ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think those all do it better. I don't think Starfield is meant to be that. People say, oh, it's a, you know, it's a loading screen and fast travel simulator, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me personally, I don't wanna play a space sim in that game. I just want to jump around and- Well no, did you play the Outer Worlds? Uh, no I never did actually, no. I didn't play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does this money come from? From people. It's still being, it's still kickstarting. I think they had some investors come in that were interested that, that dumped some money into it as well. But yeah, it's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some people genuinely just want it to be this perfect game, which is kind of what it's setting out to do, right? It just wants to be, it wants to stand on its own as just the ultimate game, which is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the guy who filled his ship with potatoes? Yeah. Fuck me man, that's so funny. He opened the door and then just fucking a million potatoes come spilling out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great. Yeah. I love the, uh, I love the aesthetic. I love the, the not, it, it feels like not too future space, you know? No Man's Sky felt like way too future space. Everything just looked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too fucking weird and I really like the, uh, I really like the aesthetic. I like the, like the, the Starcraft Terran aesthetic, you know, the chunky, almost like space cowboys sort of stuff, you know, like it's everything just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so. Yeah, I've never watched it. I know what it is, but I've never, I've never watched it. But it's like, it's almost like, feels like near future space, you know, like the insides of all the ships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every planet in No Man's Sky is colored like baby shit as well for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the game plus stuff in Starfield is like that. When you land on a planet, you can land on this completely what looks like a barren planet. You'll see there's little settlements all over the place, but they're all just little mini dungeons, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda like, you know, kinda like Skyrim, how you had, you know, you'd walk by a cave and you'd be like, oh, I wonder what cave this is. And you'd go into it and it would just be the same cave you'd been in a million times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With like a big white at the end of it and then a huge chest once you kill him that has some gear in it. And then there's like a nice fast escape route out the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never go to that cave again. It has nothing to do with the story. It's nothing to do with anything. It's just a little tiny mini dungeon for you to pass time in to get some supplies or whatever. There's loads of that in Starfield. Like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stuff that's interesting that's handcrafted is usually marked on the map, you can see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I play Fallout and Skyrim and now Starfield the same way I play Stardew Valley. I just want to collect everything. I want all the mugs. I want all the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the only reason I have a follower right now, I guess because I haven't done the main quest, is because at the start you can pick these perks that sort of change the whole game in some small way, and one of the perks that I picked was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get him on board and now he follows me around everywhere, but some of his voice lines are really funny. You know, like you'll land on a planet and he'll be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess the replayability is insane right? Like you can do it with different party compositions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like, uhm, it feels like there's more people than I expected that dislike it, uhm, but again, I'll just reiterate, I think if you liked Fallout,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three and four and Skyrim and stuff. It's a very safe game in that sense. They haven't changed much of that formula.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether that is a good or a bad thing for you, but I mean, my expectations were that it would be that. So for me, my expectations have been met. So I'm, I'm, I'm quite happy just meandering through it. I don't think it's the greatest game of all time, but it's been fun to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't like, if something, if something amazing came out tomorrow, I would probably play that, but you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think everything about it is pretty low risk though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is, like, the game, to get it early access is an expensive game, you know, to get the digital premium or whatever version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fact that you can just play it on Game Pass, if you've already got Game Pass, now that it's released, as it came out yesterday, is, you know what I mean? I feel like it's a no-brainer. I mean, if you played enough Fallout and Skyrim and other Bethesda games,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good chance that you'll like this one as well, but I don't think it's, it's not going to change the world. It's not going to blow your mind in any way, but it's a fun enough game to play through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like how open it sounds, because like, one thing that uhm, you know, I like that there's like, you know, sex and sexuality in the game and stuff, but it does seem like such an obvious thing to go for in any game, right? Especially considering gamers, and I'm glad there's like more to it than just that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was fun to play when we played it together though, it was quite fun, wasn't it? Fun! Fun. In the end we had kind of, we had a bit of a flow, I know it was chaotic, but we all had- It was chaotic. We had roles, right? I remember playing, me and you played the first one, didn't we, Lewis?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, okay. Is there a lot of, is there a lot of sidetracking and stuff to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, I get it, but I do like, I do like winging it, and I do like coming out of a situation not ideally, you know, but still coming out of it, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you might, but I, I don't know. It's, I guess, well, it's on Game Pass, so just give it a try, but uhm. I will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, I do have to say, honorable mention in Starfield to the shipbuilding is really, really neat. It's cool. And you can make some whoppers as well. Fuck, you can make some really big ships. And, uh, you're like, people have made like Millennium Falcons and like Star Destroyers and like all sorts of stuff. Like they don't look like amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's combat and then every, like when you, when you fast travel anywhere, you land on a planet and stuff, there's always little cutscenes. So you get to see your ship quite a lot, but you get to see it cinematically, which is kind of nice too. Um, so yeah, it's not bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before we wrap up, let me just say, uh, we went on a mini vacation right before, I mean, kids are back to school, flax, I guess yours are too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're both at big school. Wow. Okay. But my son started big school, which he's getting on with. Okay. And then my, my, well, the baby hasn't got, isn't at school yet. My middle one is to start year three, which she seems fine with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did a mini vacation, we went to London for two nights, and the idea was that we were gonna take the baby to see In the Night Garden live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is sweet, yeah. It's long standing, yeah, and all of my kids have loved watching it at various points in their lives, the baby as well, but the baby loved it, we went, we made it there, found our way there and stuff, uh, went, and then when it was done,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We took the train back to Victoria Station, central London, and then we had, uh, hours to just walk around central London, which we'd never done with the kids before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're walking around looking at, we like, we took them to see Buckingham Palace and we walked down the mall and went to Trafalgar Square and like just did like, you know, just walked around everywhere looking at stuff. With the baby in a push chair. Yeah, yeah, the baby was sleeping in her push chair. It was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, my daughter was just kinda like, you know, after a while she was just like, I'm so tired. Can we, can we go home now? And we're like, yeah, yeah, we'll just go like see one more thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we do all this, we get to the end of it, and I turn to my son and I say, what'd you think of London then? Like, you know, you got to see Big Ben, you got to see everything, like, what'd you think? He's like, it's really weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just little naked babies everywhere in London. So next time you're in London, see if you can spot loads of statues of naked babies. Yeah, there's fucking tons of them, it turns out. So there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first job that I got when I was in Jersey, I was working for like a small company and the guy who hired me, uhm, I went to the interview and, uh, you know, like it was fine or whatever, but I, I thought I was like 23 at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I thought this guy was like easily 60. And uh, so I got the job and a couple of weeks in, like we were just talking or whatever. And he's like, and he mentioned his age. I was like, wait, how old are you? And he's like, oh, I'm 31. It's like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, well not, I think his son's a little, little bit younger than yours, but uhm, he said to me like, it's funny because, as a parent, like, he feels like sometimes he's dealing with a low level of loss, or like grief, because, you know, he remembers his son grows up so quickly, you know, his kids grow up so quickly, and you miss


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean you won't be going back there I guess, uhm, unless there's a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you'll, and it'll be sad to walk around, you know? I seem to remember that when I was, uh, when I left primary school, you know, because it was in the same village as I grew up. Even though, you know, through my teens I ended up going there through scouts or something, or some event just on the field outside. And yeah, it was always a little bit kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bit of sweet memories. Yeah, very sad. Slap, get yourself together. Pull yourself together, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how in touch you are. I love the idea that you opened to crying as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this like a viral advert to try and get our audience to buy shares in Sainsbury's? That's an artificially boost, the share value, in order to make money for this writer who's written it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, and so, nudist beach fine, that's like, all the way over fine. Skinny dipping fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good. Okay, what about, um, mooning someone? I don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on holiday and my friend mooned me a couple of times from across the boat or across


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This happened to me, this actually did happen to me on holidays, well I'd forgotten, but yeah, my friend did actually just come out of the bathroom completely naked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Medicine is so fucking broad, right? Like, astonishingly broad. You know, from, you know, fucking ingrowing toenails, to cancer, to childbirth, do you know what I mean, to fucking hair loss, to vision stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Again, you say that though, but currently it's a problem, like, I was with a couple people on holiday, and they're having to sell their house because their mortgage payments have gone up way too much. Well yeah, the interest rates just skyrocketed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of jobs can't telecommute, right? But some can, and I think there is like, some of my friends were saying, you know, we don't care, we're going to leave London, we don't care where we go, we just want to be able to afford a house. So they're looking at like anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally in the whole UK. And it's kind of like... Slow? It could be, well exactly, it could be a chance to regenerate some shitty places if a bunch of people who work remotely can set up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we walked down the front, we went to the pier. It was a, it's a bit of a shitty Essex. It's like, south end of the city. It's a bit shit. A bit chavvy. But actually, probably a relatively, like, safe and nice place to live, if you, you know, if you wanna grow up. And I liked it. I, I, I mean, yeah, I think that, but it's got a bad...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got a fashionable address. We need to get them, we need to re-, we need to get them, like, honestly, we need to call them, like, the American stuff. All the American cities have got, well, not all of them, but a lot of them have good names, right? Like, Sunnyvale. Do you know what I mean? Like, Sunshine Hills, and like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you're right. But no, I think that would be... The other thing I've seen, Pflax, as a symptom of this, and I've seen this quite a lot on the dating apps that I've been using, people are either building and regenerating vans, and Niles has actually bought


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would be surprised by how many YouTube channels there are doing, like, small-scale living, campervan life, and like, promoting it so glamorously, living out on the road, all you need is like, your iMac, or whatever your fucking, whatever your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The laptop is, the Apple laptop that I don't use. All you need is one of them, and you know, you can drive around, you can park up anywhere, you can live this wonderful life in your tiny camper van. It doesn't appeal to me, because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so cramped. I've been in these things before. I've been in caravan holidays, you know, cause, clack to unsee, my, my, my nan's sister used to have a caravan and I'd always be in there and it'd be, it was just so cramped. And that's a caravan, you know, that's like a dedicated space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I did see this very frightening thing actually about this happening in America where people couldn't afford their houses and any more, and their only option was to buy a cheap RV, park it up on the side of the road and live in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not shitting on any of this stuff, right, I just think that it's quite funny how this is sometimes a dream for people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I believed you for a second. Well, there are, like, a lot of alternative dating sites now that are specific, you know, to people's tastes. So you can get, like, farmer dating, or, like, uhm, elites, elites, elite singles. Right. That's what I'd be looking for. There's like a sugar daddy one, there's like a couple of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I'm only using, I'm only using Hinge. But I might try, uh, Bumble is the one where the women have to reach out to you, which I quite like, because, you know, it's different.