[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. You're right. I think, given... I've just finished watching devs, actually, P-Flex. Oh, what a shock. The idea of that is it's kind of deterministic. Like, we would have made the same decisions at the same time, regardless, right? And all of my decisions were rationally taken. There was no time in my life when I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never been like, really in a crisis, miserable. And if I was, I usually had people to help me through it. You know, it's not like, it's not like... And it's the same thing now. I'm not really having this thing. It's more, I guess, of an existential thing. When you see that people like, I dunno, Einstein wrote his brilliant thing when he was 25 or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm dead by the time I'm, you know, and I'm still going, kind of thing. I think it only, you get used to it, right? But I think it's just, I dunno, it was funny to be directly confronted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But just to give you an idea of how old they are, uh, when we went to Wagamama's, Tubbo just ordered two desserts. Sat down, ordered two desserts, and I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I either respect that as a, like an alpha Chad move, right? It's like, I'm just gonna, I don't give a fuck what you want me to eat, I'm just gonna order, I can do what I want now. But it also screams to me, um, I just, I have never seen that done before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really wanna do it, though. I wanna go in- Well you can, Lewis. Everyone's ordering their mains, so I'm like, yeah, just bring me two chocolate cakes- You can do it? What's stopping you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so grim. I can't, I can't do it. I keep, I keep trying my, again, every year, like, torturing and punishing myself, thinking, oh, I should, maybe I'll like it now. Maybe it'll grow on me. Like, everything else I've managed to hack. Apart from Anchovies, which I can't stand as well, actually. I love Anchovies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there you go. Nice. Nice. Well you can't, exactly, don't fight that. Don't spend years trying to condition yourself or beat yourself up about being a butt guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you saw a picture of my butt without the rest of my body? You wouldn't know it was my butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky. By the way, did you see that the Italian political senate was doing a Zoom meeting, and someone just showed their screen on it to everyone, and it was some hentai? Just porn, yeah. Of course it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, it was apparently Tifa from Final Fantasy VII, who is well known for having voluptuous ass, and uh, and she was in 3D, rendered in Unreal Engine, and an unknown male character was having sex with her. Of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think this is inevitable to me, to see this happening, right? Like, if you're gonna make a public Zoom call, someone's gonna join it and put


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think one of the guys leaked the link, actually, by accident, like, y'know, he flippin' showed the URL or something. It's a common thing, we've all done it. So, uh, by the way, in tech news...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see that Microsoft bought Blizzard Activision?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wrapping up, um, you know, things like Fallout 76 and World of Warcraft into, you know, the Xbox Game Pass. You know, the Game Pass is great already. Yeah, it's really good value, yeah. I hate to do this. I hate to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like £10.99 a month. Is it? Fuck me, I better cancel it. But, obviously, they have a lot of games in there that you don't have to buy, and it's kinda like renting them, right? It's like a Netflix for gaming, right? That's what they want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, sorry, the Halo Infinite is free on Steam, but the campaign is £50. Yes. Okay. And you could just play that for free. Well, I say free. It's not free, is it? It's rented. Yeah. For a subscription service. Sure. On Xbox Game Boy. But as a result,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, these days, if I want to play something that's a £50 game, I'd rather play it through on Game Pass and then forget it than own it forever, probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Depends on the game, right? Like, if it's something where it's like satisfactory and they put in a big new update and you might come back and stuff like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, obviously it's a way to, it's a, it's a really clever way to get people off Steam onto some other platform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it adds up, right? Like, you think, oh, I'm not gonna pay 50 quid, but after five months you've paid that anyway, and if you're not really using it, which a lot of people don't, I'm sure it makes them decent money. Anyway, it's, it's, it's an interesting platform and an interesting setup, and there's definitely some good games in there, and I've, I have, I reckon, saved money overall playing stuff on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who else is there that Microsoft can buy? Name like, big studios, like, that are left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, at that point though, we're in the middle ground, so I mean, obviously you've got the big game devs, like EA and that, but then you've got this...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Frontier and Paradox, you've got all these big publishers, who usually have a small game studio themselves, but mostly they're working with other smaller little groups of people. Lots of small studios, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where the bulk of good games seems to come from. It comes from, you know, two to five people, small studios, you know, making these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess the Bethesda and Battle.net, they were always trying to launch their own launcher, you know, make their own captive audience on their own platform. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a fan of Game Pass just because it keeps fucking these console titles on PC. Like, the fact is that so often, you know, I hate the PS exclusives, because I don't have a PS5. And I doubt I'm gonna buy one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that there's a level though, when you get very familiar with a game, and you're very knowledgeable, there is a time that comes when you want to design it yourself. There is a time. I promise you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea is you kill all the boats. Oh man, that's funny. I dunno. So, so by the way, do you know much about the fucking metaverse, right? And also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just everything being ridiculously priced, right? Like, so expensive. Obviously houses are really expensive, but also now virtual houses are also expensive. I don't think you can even afford to buy one. Like, like, because ever since Facebook


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's basically Second Life, a sort of VRE space, a virtual space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One company spent two and a half million dollars buying up land, uh, in it. There's another company that spent five million dollars buying up land in a game called The Sandbox, which is Atari's metaverse, which is again blockchain based, 3D open. We talked about this a bit before with pets, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's these sort of niche virtual worlds. Not many people are even like aware they exist, okay. But people like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's sort of celebrity appearances and stuff in Fortnite, you know, like Snoop Dogg and stuff. And some of these guys own property in some of these weird metaverses. He sold a mansion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Oh sorry, the house next to Snoop Dogg's mansion sold for four million dollars in a metaverse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No no no, it is, you're right, the crypto, by the way, is, I heard a thing this week about how, basically there was this, this kind of, there was an auction for a copy of Jodorowsky's Dune, right? Dune. The book. You know Jodorowsky's... Dune. Dune. Dune.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dune. Dune. About the non-making of the movie. Right. Which is especially relevant if you're interested now that you've watched the sort of Dune movie and you know what it's about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was hard to watch if you hadn't, if you weren't familiar with the universe or hadn't watched either of the original movies. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a book for sale and there were not very, I think there aren't actually any books of this Jodorowsky's dude. It's like a rare book. Right. The idea is it's a rare book. And anyway, a copy sold for like 40, 40 grand about three years ago, but the crypto community bought a copy of this book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For three million euros or whatever. It's like a hustle, right? It's like a scam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're basically, they're like, they're like, buying this thing with spice tokens, there's this group called like Spice Dow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who I guess are crypto, a bunch of crypto people working together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They bought a copy of this original book for 3 million dollars or euros or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the idea that it's worth something, you know, they, they then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to make the book public, right, but then produce an original animated series inspired by the book. And obviously they can't do that, because buying a book doesn't give you rights to anything, um, you know, just because you own one of the original ten books doesn't mean you can start making a June TV show. Yeah, you just own a book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so complicated, it is like, ugh, it's just not accessible. It's like the financial industry is already so convoluted, deliberately on purpose, to keep regulation and governments and people away from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just keepin' away, or able to control, or able to even stop them being completely immoral, uhm, and making terrible gambling choices. It's, yeah. It's, uhm, it's just a thing. It annoys me. It annoys me how complicated crypto is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buying real estate in a ten year old fucking mobile game, or buying a fucking digital tamagotchi and paying someone to raise it for you, it's mental! Stop it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's supposed to be a darker, grown-up version of the surprise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's interesting. Oh, that's awesome. Does that give it more, like, kind of authenticity?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I more meant by that was like, is it, do they do like a lot of, cause it's Italian, they speak with their hands a lot, is there a lot of that in it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're very lucky really, cause only a relatively small amount of people were actually hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It shows how quick the response time, at least in terms of like warning people was, and stuff. Because only three people were killed. Two people were drowned in Peru. And three people died in Tonga, apparently. So yeah, it went all the way across the fucking Pacific Ocean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm exhausted after that. Jesus. I need to have a lie down. There was a post on reddit, pflacks, asking if you had any more books to recommend after they loved your recommendations for Red Rising. Which was also a recommendation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Well, there you go. That is some top tips. I will, I will check those out. P-facts as well. Thank you. Uh, thank you for listening. Thank you. Everybody. And, uh, stay safe. God bless you. We love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all have a crisis, but, you know, you can't, you just have to roll with the punches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're on holiday, so if you're hearing this, one of us is either somewhere and that means that there's no podcast, but this is recorded in advance, but it doesn't matter because it's already old emails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could, I've never seen that movie, but I, I can recognize the voice of, uh, the characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being driven completely mad. I know P-Flex has to go and, um, go to the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much of a sense of humour do these folks have? Cause I'm sure they, they, some of them might want a peg leg, or a hook, or some kind of looking weird looking... The double hamster. You know, like, for their pirate cosplay. You know, they wanna win that competition, is what I'm saying. I feel like it'll be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that people's outlook on things varies massively. Like when I was watching this, um, this documentary about the doctor, the fertility doctor who basically ran out of spunk, so he just gave his own spunk to all of these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Butt cancer, oh god knows what, right? So, you have to like, you know, know about this stuff, and I think that a couple of people were incredibly, um, violently angry about this, and really, one of his kids really took it upon herself to be this kind of campaigner, to get him


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people just looked at it differently and were like, yeah, you know, so what? Like, you know, I'm glad to be here. My parents were fine. We were all fine. Nothing really bad happened. Other people are like, my whole life is a lie. Um, everything is, is built on a lie. I've, this guy's ruined my life and they've really let it ruin their life as well and made it like an awful cause. So, and what happened to his?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, it's a lot of, y'know, slightly middle-aged men, and it's slightly terrifying, because the masks kinda have this big gap for their mouths.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I can post you the rating graph for Game of Thrones. Now I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well even so, I think it's sort of part of, I don't think him being some sort of conciousness projector and not making guns would, would change anything. I think it's part, it's a necessary skill, and it's probably quite a rare one, and also an old one, I imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People have been making guns and smithing them since colonial times. Well of course they have. I don't know to what extent gunsmithing is now done by individuals. I guess it's maybe repairs and things like this, as opposed to, or just knowledge of all the different ones. I guess is that a thing in the US?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very cool. It's nerd heaven. Yeaah. I always go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I would imagine most of the guns are just made by, like, you know, in industrial scale. But there are people crafting, like, special ones for shooting and stuff. You know, maybe, like, people commission a specific, like, component.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For their sport or something, you know? Or to shoot around corners. I don't know what people do with guns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is weird. I don't know if I like hearing that all of our listeners are professional people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds like a great like point and click haunted adventure, you know, Slaughter at the amusement park. I would love to see, I would love to play that again. Yea, it sounds like a camp-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have loads of zombies dressed up as clowns. Cause of course you would just end


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, also, we're going to Holland, uhm, or the Netherlands, whatever they call them, Dutchland, uh, I'm not sure what it's official name is, but we're going there for TwitchCon. Oh yeah? In about a couple months. Well, this is just a game, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say you were at least as good as NCIS, if not better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but isn't that amazing, though, that that is so efficient, and, I mean, they must have cameras and just all be really aware. Absolutely, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I just obviously was a little kid and it happens all the time. My parents were quite shocked about it. Um, and uh, yeaah, I definitely remember that very vividly. And I also remember, I remember I was playing once and I'm running around with some other kids and I banged heads with some kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think we were young enough that the teeth were not, like, down, they just popped straight out. You know, and so I think I ended up with some teeth in my mouth that were like, I didn't know whether they were mine or his, you know what I mean? It was like, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she was called Agnes, which is a sort of French word, but obviously everyone just called her Anne, cause Agnes isn't really... It's not a name you hear very often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think what happened was, it was World War, World War I, uhm, her, her parents, her father, so my great-grandfather was a, was lorry driver in the war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and he might be in World War II. I think it was World War I though. And he, this was the generation removed from World War II. I think she was born during...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wobble two, anyway, uhm, Wobble one, lorry drive during the war, met this sort of French peasant, uh, family, sort of became friends, you know, or friends, inverted commas, you know, with one of the daughters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, went back and forth from London to France a bit, and then eventually came back to London and settled down. So yea, I've got a French side. Right. A little French side. Well, there must be another reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's uhm, I think talking about this is interesting, right, because you change as you grow, you know, I'm definitely more forgetful than I used to be and I'm more, I dunno, sometimes I go through phases where I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen this, you know, I've seen, and that's the problem with TV shows and movies too, like, they remake the same old fucking things, you know, Avatar was a remake of the fucking Dust with Wolves, which, you know, I, even when I saw Avatar 20 years ago, I was like, I've seen this fucking movie. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to watch it again when it comes out in the next two years. Fuck it. People are like, I think it's just old is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, the third, so she carries on crying, then another guy comes back, and she's crying, and she says, she says, what's wrong, what's wrong? She says, oh, I've never been fucked before. So he buries her in the sand, and says, well you're fucked now, aren't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no secret like stepbrothers or anything out there, like no, no, no, no, no missing siblings or, or uhm, you know, you weren't artificially inseminated. There's loads of people who are now, like loads of people were given assistance, more and more, you know, as our, as uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, like a comedy show has a warm-up act, you know, to get you, get you ready for, for laughing. You know, the same way, maybe he watched Titanic, right before the Gmail advert. I just hadn't heard that story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, they're like this Mongolian folk rock band who have the Mongolian throats. The Who are not a Mongolian folk band. Well it's the Who with the H-U, not the Who. The Who. The Who. The Who. The Who. The Who.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yes, I thought I might be a bit old now. I dunno. My, my taste in music, I think it's like, uhm, I get like this idea of, oh, this is cool and new, and then I find out it's like actually like 10 years old now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This quickly happens to us, you know. Nice. We try, we try, we try and catch up. You know, how do you feel about your dad picking up something new that sort of shouldn't really, you know, like my mum being on TikTok or like, you know, things like this. Like, it's just, it feels weird. It feels wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this, there's this thing that happens where you, when you have kids, you're like, you shouldn't be looking at that. And then eventually it switches over and you tell your parents, you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be looking at that. You shouldn't be doing that. You shouldn't be, you shouldn't be on that all the time. And World War II is one of those things that is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was a teenager, I preferred fantasy universes and space and, you know, everything else. You know, no teenage boy or girl is enjoying their young adult WWII fanfic or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the early seasons of the Simpsons kit, and I remember not really finding it funny, but my parents laughing a lot. Which is kind of weird. Because, you know, they were almost like, oh, we'll get this for you, knowing that they would actually probably enjoy it more than...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get Out Avatar is like, relatively, uh, some animator on episode 9000, you know, like, one piece or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Avatar, I think is this thing that was three seasons, maybe four, I can't remember. And it's, it's well rated and I've, I think I've watched it a long time ago because it's old now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember really enjoying it at the time, and it not being like, it not having necessarily been like, a children's anime, but certainly being like, just, it was just good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of these, I think it's one of these, there's this magazine in Japan called Weekly Shonen Jump, which has been going for a very long time, and it's the, sort of one of these, it's a classic kind of young, teen, male, anime, well manga, obviously, sort of magazine, where it kind of takes a mix of popular


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, it's kind of, it's a strange thing to think of it as this kind of teen comic. I guess they're, it's just very aimed at that group, and it's kind of, it is young adult in the, but it's young adult male, as opposed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, kind of young adult female, which I guess is more things like Divergent and Maze Runner and Hunger Games and that kind of, that kind of oeuvre, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't have very good, like, categorisations of where that fits in, right? It definitely fits into the sort of Ender's Game, but also Hunger Games-y...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a tricky, I'm just almost like, I'm not worried for you picking things for your kids to read, but I can understand...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this what we're talking about? Or is this a PS2 game from 2005?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Ringo Phonebone is his name. He is a helplessly inept man, utterly absorbed in reading comic books, to the point that he was kicked out of his parents' house. Hang on a sec, this was read in 1967.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like a parody of superhero characters, like before, like before-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, which was, oh no, sorry, he got a mask that was originally a woman's hat being thrown away. Uhm, he crash landed in the middle of a robbery in Long John's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did not leave a luxurious life, being reduced to homelessness at various times. Yep. In one adventure, my new area apartment turned out to be a park bench.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a kind of jobbing comedy writer thing, you know, cause you have these deadlines for the next episode, you know, you have to come up with something to satirize the events of the day, you know, and you've got this group of people usually hanging out together taking the piss out of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh well, well you'd expect them to just, you know, suck up everything wouldn't you. One or the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does look like a fucking walking scarecrow, doesn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we have such weird references and points, and it's only going to get worse, right, when kids, when the listeners grow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the other soulless version, isn't it? That's, that's kind of, we've had, there was a time when the Prime Minister sort of shifted to, from speaking that, that, that, from, to receive pronunciation to this, this idea of Estuary English, which is like the London English, but, but not, it's kind of a gentler version, and it's, it's, it's... It sounds awful though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, who, who, who was sort of a big, well no, he was the guy, Cary Grant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was Cary Grant born in Bristol? Yea, he was. So Cary Grant was this huge film star. Obviously, British guy, but became, you know, moved to America quite young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He became a big star, um, and his, he sort of was this really, really obvious accent that was neither English or American, but became appealing to both at a time when Britain and America were still, you know, very, almost like vying for the superpower status, you know, in that sort of early, you know, wartime kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, in a strange way, I think there were those, those Filbstars at the time, they always, they had, there was, I dunno, it's my nan's generation of Filbstars, the Humphrey Bogart and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love some of these black and white movies. I went through this spate of watching loads of them a few years back, like Rear Window and the Hitchcock stuff, and Twelve Angry Men is the one I talked about with you before that I really enjoyed. That's a great movie, yeah. Which is so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really interesting because all these American shows were being exported all over the world, right? And it was kind of fairly arbitrary who bought what and when and how they showed it, and so what you get is you get these odd little


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It never got a release out of China, um, and it got completely, you know, it's got an IMD rating of 2.6, but it's basically just a sort of bad Mr Bean movie with those Chinese comedy actors messin' around. Evander Holyfield is in it. God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, you know, you don't really get that kind of information, but they do love Mr. Bean, and it looked like a fairly decently budgeted thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's global, though, that's the thing, they don't need to dub it. Or at least, you know, they only need to dub, like, the bit where Angus Deaton kind of complains at him or something in church. But some of it is so English.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Underneath London it's just this fucking spaghetti nightmare of 500 years of civilisation. It's amazing. 500? Try 2000! Well, it's just such a mess that some of these lines they were digging, they had like half a meter of clearance between like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your phone or computer. I have it installed, uh, this week. In fact, uh, Honey popped up and saved me £10 when I was buying something online, uh, so you can use Honey. It's easy to find, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you can get honey for free, joinhoney.com slash triforce. That's joinhoney.com slash triforce. You'll be saving, saving yourself some money online when you buy stuff. So it's a tip. It's a recommendation. It's a good one. Nice. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mind has been very occupied. When you said the twins thing, I thought you meant that one of them was like really good at shooting, one of them was really good at like, um, three throws. They're both really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you thought in your dream. It's hard to like then not be, uhm, not think this is real now though, from now on. Do you know what I mean? Now you talk about this lucid dream so much. You're gonna start thinking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you could do is you could reveal later that one of them had like a, a, a genetic infertility, right? You could find out later that one of them, there is, was a way to tell. Oh, and that could like, that could lead to them breaking, you know, fracturing their partnership.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who do you get to do the face tattoo? You'd have to have, like, people would have to know, right? And they'd be like blackmailing you and stuff. Yeah, exactly. You'd have to get the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, and someone would threaten to like, fucking, um, reveal him, so he'd have to like, keep them quiet. He'd have to like, buy a gun and start thinking about killing them, and like, talking about it seriously. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how America has, like, exported this system to, like, other countries as well. So the Indian Premier League for cricket, what they have is they have a very similar system, where they even have, like, these specific teams, um, that are, they're named... They sound like cigarettes, though, because they're called the Rajasthan Royals, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's such an American idea, like almost, like, carbon copy to a completely different sport. The franchises. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is like... But obviously that format just... Really just works so well to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I'm always put off by sports stuff, you know, I just think it just doesn't, you know, I get the holes, what is this giant hole recommendations instead of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty crazy, honestly. Like, you can't, like, I have watched a couple of documentaries that, it blows your mind how either stupid or like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, weird some of these- some of the people live in these- what fame does to you, right? Like, it does kind of- I- what if we started to watch The Boys, uhm, Season 3 on- I haven't watched The Boys. Rec- rec- can recommend, honestly. It wasn't taken by Season 2, but Season 3's been good so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So season one's good. Season one's really good. Yeah. He's the best villain, Homelander. He's really good. So good. He's such a... The thing is, he's so different to his actor, right? His actor is like, I guess, wants to be as far away from Homelander as possible. Because Homelander is the fucking new Joffrey, isn't he? He's like the absolute worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And relishes it. And it is, they talk about it a little bit in that, in a sense, like, you know, the problem with this, problem with superheroes is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like toddlers. They're out of control. They just do whatever they want. They don't have any... No, nothing you can do about them. They don't have any filters. They kind of just, if they feel like they can get away with it, they just do. They almost imply that it's kind of inevitable that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He played it on his phone a lot. He hasn't spent any money on it yet, or said he will, he's never gonna spend any money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have to continue to be innovative, and you know, if you're gonna, if you're gonna bring out a Diablo game in the world where Path of Exile exists, you have to, it has to be competitive, it has to have... But that's not the plan with this, the plan is to make a cash-in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think that this is normal. We've normalised this shitty fucking mobile wank. So yeah, it's sad, but just stay away from it, everyone. That's our top tip with the old Diablo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the one thing people say about Path of Exile is, oh yes, it's free and it's not paid to win, but there is one thing that you do almost have to buy, which is the bag space, you know, the bank slots. Because it's impossible to play the fucking game without them. And so you do end up paying, you know, you're putting in some money for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think it's dishonest sometimes to do that. But then again, again, we live in a mobile game universe where, you know, you can pay to win, and it's awful. Like, the discrepancy is mad, you know, what my standards are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very different to what the industry is willing to accept, or at least to what the consumer base are willing to accept.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These uhm, these also, these games are, they have to exist in this world. They're competing in this world. You know, so many games just fall by the wayside or get forgotten. But you're a part of this world! You can't, you can't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're a developer, sometimes you're forced into just doing what the successful game has done, and that just leads you down to, you know, you have to lower your standards. Moral bar. To be successful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or your own Path of Exile is owned by this Chinese, it's owned by Tencent, you know. It's gonna, they're not gonna, I'm sure they can put their hands off largely and they're very happy with how it's going, but certainly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I gotta drive Mrs. F somewhere. Alright, take it easy, thanks everyone, we love you. Peace! Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's exactly what some of the lads are doing when TwitchCon's come in. Oh really? So while you were doing that we, well I went to TwitchCon Amsterdam, you didn't go did you Sibs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today we're at Ely Cathedral, the Church of the Undivided Trinity, and we will be beginning the ceremony with hymn number 44.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd caught like a, like a stomach bug or something, you know, and so I, I didn't realize this, uh, so I came back and it was that hottest day when it was like 38 degrees in Bristol and, um, I hadn't slept because our flight was really early so I'd had to like, because I had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'd meet up drinking on the last night, you know, and then I had about three hours sleep, not really. And then, you know, got to the airport, flew back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Had a, had a, had a lot of stress to deal with when I got back, just, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was just as hot. So I was like, I can handle this. This is not, this is not, I don't know why I'm so hot and fucked up. COVID? And no, it was, it was just like a viral, I just had like a viral stomach bug, I think. Oh man. Then I started pooping. So it was in the middle of the night. I was exhausted. I was like super stressed out. I was boiling hot. I was like feverish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, ugh, I didn't want to disturb my partner because, you know, we'd had like an argument. And so, do you know what I mean? It was like, it was just like, everything was just a disaster that day. And I just, I remember I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you've been before, I've never been before, but it's a great place to host a convention like that, right? Because there's always, there's tons and tons of cool canals and bars all along everywhere, and so even with a group of like 5 or 15 or 25 people you can always find somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, so prevalent in the people who run Amsterdam's mind that they've obviously made a lot of effort to, you know, sanitize, like clean it up and make it like a place that doesn't reflect too badly on them or it doesn't, you know, there's no, it didn't feel like there was any like real crime or like danger, it all felt super like, like, like uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know it's a tourist place, right? I don't know. So it felt a bit, I don't know, inauthentic in a sense to me, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also just a bit sparse, I guess, like a bit, I was expecting it to be more American in sense, but it's definitely not, it's definitely very European, like it's kind of spread out across a wider area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, I'm sorry, really sorry, we'll have to do part two of this, um, because there's so much to say and we've had to suddenly cut the podcast short because I've got to go do this tiny team stream. Uh, but yes, thank you everyone. We'll, we'll pick this up tomorrow. Can we, you guys around tomorrow, can we pick this up tomorrow? We can pick it up tomorrow, yeah. And we'll make, we'll make this, uh, we'll just do the rest of it tomorrow. We'll do a part two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's Honey? Well, thank you. So yeaah, joinhoney.com slash triforce. Get Honey for free. It's free. So, so check it out. Thank you. That is, that is, uh, our sponsor for this episode. So yeaah, on with the show. On with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast. We're doing part two. This is part two. This will be the same one as yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think they already did, that there was already the age of people rebooting stuff and just calling it the one word thing. So there was already probably a movie called Batman. There was. Recently. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this is one of those things, again, it leads into the idea that foreign TV and culture is different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Certainly, I mean, Batman, I suppose is pretty universal, but there's certain things that caught on in certain countries and are still very famous there for kind of no reason almost, like these things that everyone else has forgotten about, you know, it'll be like a cartoon series or like a TV show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is exactly what I'm talking about, P-Flex. This exact type of thing is, it gets me every time. Because they almost, it's almost so obvious they don't think to mention it as well. Like they, it's just in the back of their mind. They're shocked when they find out that you've never heard of this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've actually been to Frinton, it's a little place on the coast in Essex, it's a little seaside town where they used to, all the old people used to retire there, you know, Frinton on Sea, it's like one of these little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is definitely one of those, you know, where everyone used to retire to the coast. Do people, where do retired people retire? Oh, Spain I guess, that's where they retire to now, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, transport thing, that's a different thing, but they have like these bikes, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think maybe East kids as well, but like eight cities apparently, um, Portland, Oregon, Burlington, et cetera. Like they've just been abandoned now. Like it's gone bust. The bikes are just still there, but no one's picking them up. They're not working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See this is the other thing, it just feels like, what are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have to bring, I think sometimes you have to bring your own helmets now to ride these bikes in, and that kind of defeats the whole point, but also like, just like talking about Amsterdam and bikes, like that city was so bike friendly, that it was crazy, but in a sense


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that infrastructure obviously is, does favor the scooters and the other, these things, you know. Whereas it doesn't feel like British cities are made for it, you know. Especially, I mean, in Bristol, sure there's quite a few cycle lanes now, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I, I got off e-scooter one time and I was like on the road like 80% of the time it felt like. And I'm just driving through the centre and I just did not feel safe at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really looks awful, doesn't it? I'm not even sure they're like, um, allowed in the UK. I think they're illegal, right? Really? Um, yeaah, I think so. I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're definitely not allowed on footpaths, but then again, neither are bikes and no one really listens to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, your kitchen is properly a family kitchen, right, it's got a bit of everything, and every cupboard is stacked to the max.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I forgot it for another five years. Yea. No, it's definitely like that in there. There's some, there's some forgotten stuff in the back of some of your cup sips I remember. Yes. I was like, cause I was like, do you have some mustard? And you were like, I definitely do, but you're gonna have to dive into it. You gotta look for it. Yea. It's gotta mind it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard Trott has like a futuristic toilet in his place. Is it one of those Japanese


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if like, I don't know if I'd want to get one of those fancy toilets, because I think people would think I was some sort of pervert, you know? You think there's something slightly perverse in having a fancy toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. That's how we'd all, we'd all end up dying to the things we created. I think that's, I think that's karmic, you know, though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how everyone should die, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By a live stream, by children, by lorries, by injured people, and uhm, but we got through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, there you go, thanks everyone, we'll be back to normal next week, I'm sure. And with new boilers, new toilets, new fresh attitudes, new looks, and new top takes on the things that are going on in the world. Alright, take it easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you could just like, you could just like, uh, relax in your hotel and stuff, right? Like, go for a swim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of laptop did you buy? I mean, what are you gonna be playing on it? Dota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some of them were so hard, the fights. They felt like a slog at first, right? But then you kinda get, you develop like your little strategies and stuff and it's not so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The engine's flooded. Were you parked on a slant? On a slope? Like with the engine being at the bottom? Cause like I think a bunch of fluid can run into the engine and just kinda like, you need to like turn it around and park it the opposite way around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's just a lot of parking on a slope that's contributed to it and then it just decided to fully seize up in the Walmart parking lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's bad. You can recover from it, but it's pretty rough. Like your car will not start until it's unflooded, so uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you know what, it could actually be a spark plug. That could be a spark plug issue as well, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Secondhand car. We've become a family that requires a runaround. The taxi service has expanded exponentially this year with clubs and engagements and whatever. And now we need to have another car so that we can coordinate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A one car family, yeaah. So now we got the car that you know, Lewis, the blue one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The nice, the nice big one. That is the dedicated baby car because it's got the baby seat in it. It's the room in the trunk for her, her, um, her pram, all that kind of stuff. It's a bigger car. So, you know, if you need to go do shopping or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we got a nice little, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's flash, it's nice. It's really good. It looks, it looks cool. It's like a cool looking car, uh, which is a lot smaller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Far less trunk space, but uhm, my older kids, uh, really like it. They think it's really cool. It's a little bit more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Modern, it's like two years, uh, younger than the old car. So it's got like one of those cool computer screens, you know, like when you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reversing and it's got the camera on the back and shit. It's got one of those. It was secondhand though, like don't get carried away thinking that, you know, I've joined the 1% or whatever because I have not. It's still like a, still a bit, still a bit of a banger, but it's nice. It's a, it's nice to have another car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, getting it into the family. Now people, and it has a job, you know, and people recognize its role as well. And they're like, can we take the new car? Yes, we can. It's just me and you. We can do it. It's fine. Um, so yeah, so that's been kind of exciting. My kids have been really excited about it. We went for a nice drive and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to, uh, we went to drive out to a place to get some chips, but we did not get chips because, uh, turns out this place, uh, received a zero star health and hygiene review recently. Um, so, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did not get chips from this place, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how that happens. I don't know how you even open your doors after that's happened. They have to have closed down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, this is a place that we have been before, but it's out, it's out there. It's like not, not where we normally go. Like it's not close to town or whatever. It's like out there. Cause we took the car for a good old spin, you know, the kids wanted to see what this thing was capable of. So we went for a big long drive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a really good play by your local paper. I feel like that's almost big up material for this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. Yeah, I don't, I just don't, uhm, I can't, I cannot trust a place that gets a zero. And again, I don't even know how you turn that around or stay open or whatever. Like, I think you would just have to close down in utter shame, right? Like, like, we just have not been able to do it. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's gotta be some period where you are still open for a little bit, like they break the news. I don't think they come in, it's not like that guy from Ghostbusters where they come in and just shut you down immediately, you know, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. There's a couple, there was a, there was like a fancy like a four star restaurant as well that got a zero rating. So I think it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do these like two or three things that they needed to change. Didn't do it. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, somebody just got annoyed with them and said, fine, this is zero. And then they were, and then they were scrambling around trying to save their business because obviously that's kind of like a death sentence, isn't it? For a restaurant to get it as you get closed down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, yeah, it's a weird one. I don't, I don't know much about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gordon Ramsey comes in and finds like just a whole bunch of like really frozen chickens in your freezer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was watching, what was I watching? I was watching the crown and, uh, it's the final


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Final, uh, or most recent season, I'm just at the end of it, which is of course, uh, during the Thatcher era, the 80s and stuff. And you see some of the fashion and you think, hang on a second, there's still people wearing that kind of stuff today. Like it's, uh, I don't know if it's maybe because they're trying to recreate what was, what it was like in the 80s with like, you know, today in mind or something or what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can see it time to time, right? Fashion come background. I saw somebody, uh, out and about, like in town the other day, and I thought I'd gone back in time to the 90s. They had like these massive, massive pants, like huge, like, you know, skater pants with like, you couldn't even see their shoes cause the bottoms were so big and like a big Nirvana hoodie and like a, like a, like a toque and stuff. They looked all grungy. It was, it was, oh, it was kind of nice to see actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there's, there's, there's hints of like Saved by the Bell fashion like around right now or maybe coming back, like especially like those hiked up jeans, you know, you see girls wearing them that are like, they're like really pulled up quite high, like, uh, like, uh, Jesse Katsopoulos, Kelly Kapowski style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of thing. You see, you see that nowadays more so than you, than you would have. So I guess that's like come back somehow. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where did this men's fashion come where your jeans are really tight and they ride right up the ankle, but then you wear loafers with no socks? Like what is the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put some socks on and get some, get some jeans that go down to your shoe and like cover the top of your shoe slightly. Do it now. What are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody ask Joe, what is he thinking? Does he not have a mirror at home or what? Joe, cool Joe, Joe Hickson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just fucking stink like hell, like they must do if you're not wearing socks in them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time I've ever worn shoes without socks, they immediately smell like hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was, uh, when I was growing up, my dad, uh, was a police officer and he had a whole bunch of weird jobs in the police. Like he worked in IDENT, which is like, you know, he'd go to crime scenes and have to take pictures and stuff, you know, like, and, uh, develop all the photos and put together all the case files and evidence and all that kind of stuff. And, uh, through that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had access to this powder that they would use.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, passage of our house just was enveloped with this fucking foot smell. So he brought this, he brought this powder home and sprinkled it in my shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once your hormones start going and shit like, uh, under, under your arms stinks if you don't keep on top of it, like you just start to stink a bit, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, situations where people would turn up after getting caught out in some, some, some weather thing, you know, where they didn't have access to their car, they couldn't get a ride or something. So they turn up to your house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a coat, I don't think it's too bad. I think if you wear like a, like a, a tuque all the time and you can smell like your greasy hair and then cigarettes as well, not as, not, not ideal. I would say that's, that's kind of gross, right? And you, you, you get elements of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of like those phones where you buy the phone and it's great and then two years later you find the battery lasts like five minutes and it's all a big scam to get you to buy a new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we just don't have the space over here. Everything's a lot more compact, right? So we're the same. We have our washing machine in the kitchen and the tumble dryer is in the garage, right behind me, actually. It used to be in the kitchen, but we moved it out here because before I had the garage done, it was a bit dungeon-y and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And dusty and stuff, but now that it's like an office, we can, we can actually have some stuff out here. So the tumble dryer is one of those things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you just gotta take a look at what you've got and just say, ah, this is, this is cool. I can keep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just this, like this. It doesn't need to go any further, you know what I mean? Like, it's just nice to have a good chat with somebody that, you know, is a bit flirtatious or whatever. And that, that can just be that, right? It doesn't need to be anything more. Like, if you've tried,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially and like maybe the timing wasn't right that time or whatever, but I don't think I would try again. I would just sort of leave it as it is and just see what happens, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a old, like a tried, tested and true method, isn't it, for people, like to, for, in a lot of cases, right? Don't be the, the eager person, you know, just, just chill a bit and, and wait to see what happens. Yeah, chill. Just be a good person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are always attracted to that one guy that treats them like crap and doesn't give a shit about them, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you, is there a little dome that you could put over top of an explosive that will contain the explosion? Cause I feel like if somebody could invent a little dome like that, that would be really good for your job, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that unnerves me the most about that job is that if you do fuck up,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no time for you to like, really react, right? Like, if you cut the wrong wire, immediately you're dead. Like, that's it. Like, it's a lights out bucko. Like, there's no like, oh shit, maybe I can retry that, or uh, you know, you're either dead or you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking catastrophically maimed, like, oh no thanks. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would never be like, oh yeaah, my cock. Like, it just, I don't know, it's weird, right? Like, I would just say like, oh, my, my, my, uh, my willy, oh, my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, I can't think, for, for, to describe a penis, for me the worst is cock. Like I can't think, everything else is kinda comical, but cock is just like, I don't know, it's just, I just find it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you could call it your wang, you could call it your todger, you could call it, uh, your, uh, your tallywhacker, you know, your old chap, your old chap, your, your johnson, your dick, your, your penis, your pensie, your penii, like there's, these, these are all okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, that had to have happened in the, at least the first five episodes, I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it was, uh, it's from the, uhm, Legend of Zelda. It's the three, uhm, it's the, it's meant to be the three triangles that come together to, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, back in the- back at the time it would have been probably like XCOM 2 or maybe like Hearts of Iron or something like that. I'd say XCOM 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uuuuh, Buffalo Bill? Uuuuhm. Ted Bundy? No, Ted Bundy's not fictional. Oh, fictional, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fictional serial killer, Hannibal Lecter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just trying to think, what fictional serial killer would have, uhm, even registered. Think of a TV show. A TV show. Even registered with me. Something that you watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. We were playing with the idea of potentially naming him Dexter at one point, but then thought it's a bit creepy because we would be naming him after a serial killer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are, there are, yeaah. Not so much in my son's class. In my seven year old daughter's class there's some dexter's. It seems more popular. Keep an eye out for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope that you don't hate it though. I hope that you have a great time. And the thing is, if you're there and you're disappointed, just use the time to just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, relax, recoup a little bit, regenerate, you know, catch up on some TV, maybe catch up on some games or something, you know what I mean? Just enjoy that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When is the first, uh, when is the first day of TI officially?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I'm gonna probably get back into Dota for like a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it just would for sure, it would never work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that they have the ability to govern like an entire, especially not a big complicated country economy and everything like the UK is, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, thanks so much for the podcast. I'm gonna go and nurse myself back to a reasonable amount of health now with my cold. Yep, get well. The sniffles. Yeah, thank you very much. You do that. Uhm, yeah. God bless. Peace. God bless. Love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know. The thing is, Todd's been editing this podcast for five years now. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'm the coconut, PFLAX is the, uh, barley flakes, and then the strawberry, the freeze dried strawberry, that's you, Tom. I'm gonna be the, I'm the lucky charms with, um...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why, why is it that you have local shit, like the local beer and the local stuff? What is it with you? Is it, it's like you're, you're getting into your local community?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they've rubbed her in wax or whatever they do to keep her going. Jesus Christ, guys, show some respect. Sorry. The queen has died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a fascinating, um, and all encompassing piece of news that really is, um, regardless of what you think about the monarchy, and comments that we may have made in the past, I'm sure our true feelings are that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could, it could have been worse to have someone else in charge for all this time. You know, the Queen has, despite, obviously some people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true, alright. Fact-checking. I'll get fact-checked immediately there by you guys. But, I guess like, I acknowledge that, you know, she was a solid foundation, you know? She was always like, pretty, pretty deist. There were no real controversies around her. Not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I'd rather not have them, but I'd also rather not have the Kardashians, I'd rather not have all these other reality TV stars either, you know what I mean? But we're sort of stuck with them, and you're right, like, people do say, like, oh, but the Queen can veto things, she can stop to bad policies, she can actually make a difference, but here's the thing, if she did,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would be like, oh, okay, the Queen's getting in the way, and then she wouldn't be the Queen anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like these old laws that people don't enact anymore. You know, it's like there's a law from 1919 that says, you know, you can't, you know, go into a public restroom with a red hat on, or some bullshit law. No one's getting arrested for that, right? Because it's out of date, and in the same way,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, like, the Queen could, in principle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do these, do, make, you know, make, but put a stop to something going through or decide not to choose a new prime minister or whatever her powers are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the end of the day, she is not ever going to do that, because it's never been done since the hundreds of years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly think one of the roles that the Queen does is she has this ability, or at least like a semi-power, to scare the new people straight when they come in. Yeah, that's her role.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they, you know, on their first week in the job, they have to sign...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, one of the things that Liz Truss had to do in her first week was write to all the nuclear submarines and nuclear silos, telling them, write in that secret letter that goes in the vault, in case the submarine loses contact with Great Britain, and what are their orders? Are there orders to do a first strike on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they have to go see the Queen and meet the Queen and go through all this whole symbolic, like, it's, it's, every, every Prime Minister talks about it, you know, about their, their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Psychologically force you to be like, in awe of them and their power. And it was, you know, they didn't need to be like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They found that it worked to have them like that, you know. It cowed people. And I think that, you know, anyone coming in trying to be the leader of the free world needs to be cowed somehow. Especially if they've got a fucking gigantic ego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, I think we've moved away from so much of that idea of servants, you know, cooking for us, but I don't know how much, you know, they order takeout and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that is always how it's been, even if you look at, like, classically 12 Angry Men, which is a fantastic movie. Yes, it's black and white, but get over it! It's only like 80 minutes long or something, and I think it was a play beforehand, or at least it feels like a play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, basically it's, you know, 12 guys in a, in a jury, locked in a jury thing. And a lot of them are like this, you know, one guy's got, a lot of them are like, I've got to go. I've got a family, I've got jobs, I don't care, I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think at the same time, you've gotta appreciate that if it's an important thing and it's someone's life on the line...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't shirk that responsibility too much. You still have to make the bare minimum effort to go through and give them some respect, right? Even you wouldn't just be like, I don't care what happens to this person. You would care. And you would be interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think again maybe it leads into my earlier point though of like, you know, sometimes the people who don't want to do it are the right people to do it. You don't necessarily want some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone coming in with an agenda, right? Like some racist guy saying, well, he's brown, so he did it. Right. You don't, you need people to fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, the ordinary people. I think people are inherently good. Yeah, they're lazy. Sure. They don't want to be there. Sure. But I think that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's clearly flawed, you know, because, you know, if you get, like, if you get a bias jury, then yeah, it's gonna, you're gonna lose and it will win. And so it's like, it's like, how do we try and get a neutral jury? And so then we have to have each side pick half of the jurors. And then, you know, it's just, it's kind of like continual, like extra crap to try and fix what is not a very good system in the first place. But what the fuck else is the other options?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really terrible. If you've got a lawyer who's able to make funny quips and make the jury laugh and bring it onto his side, suddenly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, you know, very polarised. People are very much drawn to the funny man, the kind of, cause how can he be wrong? You know, he's nice, he's a nice guy, I believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is fascinating though is that we are, even, we always have been fascinated by the murder mystery, right? And the idea that like, you know, when you watch all of these TV and movie based


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real crime isn't like that at all. So much of it is just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I thought it was, I thought it was great. I for one require more murder, uh, mystery, movies, you know? I love them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you went in, did you have to get naked and put one of those butt robes on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like that though. Just marveling at the technology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are really cool. Seeing like, um, cause when I used to work in chemistry lab, we'd have some big fancy machines that are similar. There's an NMR machine, which is this nuclear magnetic resonance, which is this, um, uses magnetic fields and liquid nitrogen to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking, I don't know what does. It's very complicated. The idea is that you're supposed to be able to use it to identify compounds. A little bit like they do in the crime lab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not, do not go past this line. There's always some idiot who brings a pair of scissors in there or something, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's why I was so into like, maybe that's what helped get me into like chemistry and working in these, in the labs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand this, right? I was walking through Queens Square the other day, and I heard like the squeal of brakes, and there like, a van like, shuddered to a stop in the middle of the road, right? And I was like, woah, so I looked around,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy's like staring at me, he gets out, he runs over to me, he's just parked his van diagonally in the middle of the road, okay. And he's like, oh my god, it's, it's Lewis, I'm like, yes, nice to meet you. And he's like, can I get a picture? I was like, sure, sure, sure. And so then like, um, so he took a picture with me, but it was like, cause it was like in the shade and it was really dark, it looked terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, oh, I'll just get, I'll get, we'll get a better one. And I was like, okay. So obviously there's like, traffic was already building up, okay, around this van. So, he gets back in and parks it up, and like, we took a nice picture in Queen's Court and had a little chat, but he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, he was obviously like, uhm, shocked, and he was a really nice guy, and it was really nice to meet him, but like, it was kind of like this reaction. Sometimes people react in different ways, PFLAX. It's like going back to the courts thing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm the same, like, I'll listen to- I'll watch some YouTubers and my partner will abuse me about it, you know? Really? Yeah. And, you know, you're not supposed to like the stuff your partner likes, always, you know? Not always, there's definitely some cross-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely, I've gotten into Good Mythical Morning. I love those guys now. And I thought I wouldn't. You know, I think I also have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a version to other creators, certainly podcasts and YouTube to some extent, like I'm almost like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some part of me is jealous of them, right, because they're clearly funnier and more talented and more high production values than I am. They clearly work really hard at it and they really care. And I sort of, I feel like, I almost feel partly bad because I'm like, oh I wish I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was, was like this, or I wish I had as much positive energy as they do, you know? I'm almost jealous of their, like, of how nice they look, and that, like, people take selfies, I'm like, ugh, I kinda hate you, you know? But, I think, once you're over that hump...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're not such a strange anymore because that's, that's the other thing about these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like as soon as I know these people like, like Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning, I'm like, oh, these are my best friends now. Uhm, I love this show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's weirdly, even in my head, it goes from me disliking them and being jealous of them to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just kinda how humans are. They make weird calls on people, and you know, you think you know whether someone is good or bad, you know, just by looking at them, whereas you've got no evidence at all. Fascinating stuff, P-Flex. What's the next one? Give us the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely get those helmets on, guys. Don't be, don't be, don't, I don't want no triforce


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although I think probably, I was gonna say like, you know, you can visit people in the hospital and put them, put headphones on them, to like, you know, play music to them and stuff, and maybe something familiar sounds, you know. If you're listening to this and you're in a coma, SNAP OUT OF IT. COME ON. Get up. Come back to us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're very quiet, maybe jealous? Well, you don't like Ricky Gervais facts at all, do you? You think he's a dick. Gosh, I had a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that it was, there's no way he would have read the sarcasm in that if there even was any, do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think you'll be alright, sips. Alright. What have you got, what's this, are you alright P-Flex, you'll be shell-shocked by a horrible


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're playing teams that are towns that I've never heard of, honestly. Where the fuck is Crawley Town? No, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so, so common when you stand to attention like that, like, for people to faint, man, I've seen it happen to like tons of people when I was in the cadets!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, honestly, the officers are on lookout to catch people, honestly, and they, you know, because it just, it's so common.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess there's gonna be no, you know, also on that sort of stuff, you can't just have a big night, or an unlucky night out, right, where you've had, you know, eaten something bad that's gonna give you problems, like, you can't be rushing to the toilet every 20 minutes, can you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't need to fucking stay in a hotel. There's people 30 hours on the concrete. They're camping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they've done it a lot with, with people like that. I think some of them are still on display in a very grim way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's deluded to think, it's absolutely insane to think that if you're in a relationship with someone, you're suddenly not attracted to any other members of the opposite sex. The reality is that you are gonna be, and if your partner or your spouse is blind to that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, then that's a problem that, that, that with, with that relationship you've got with them. I think that, I think I don't like this idea that, you know, you can't, you know, that, that, that, you know, being nice to a waitress or someone means suddenly you're attracted to them. And then you've got this idea that you have, that the girlfriend has to be jealous of that. I think it's, it's, it's, it's always, it's, it's very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of almost naive, right? Or deliberately sabotaging a relationship to not acknowledge that. Like, maybe it's because my partner is uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bisexual in a sense, and so am I a little bit. We can talk about people and acknowledge that yes, this person is attractive or that looks good and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think that we are in a relationship together and we both know that we are not going to be unfaithful and we trust each other enough that that means nothing. You know, me acknowledging that someone's got nice boobs if I was to do that, which is not a thing that I particularly would do anyway, uhm, just casually. Like you said, it has to be loaded. Unless I'm, unless I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that if it happens to be a thing where, you know, someone's looking great, you're like, well damn, you know, she or he was looking great today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm never gonna make a public comment about the size of someone's breasts or whatever. I might make a comment about how they look nice in a dress, or nice in a top, or nice in a pair of shoes or whatever. I'm never gonna say, look at, oh, did you notice that giant set of tits, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, I think you can safely acknowledge that people are attractive, you know, but it's the way that you, if you're constantly bringing up how other women are attractive, in a way, and you're almost implying that your partner isn't, then that's a problem. I think there's healthy things to do and unhealthy things to do, and I think that we, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you might get the impression that we're not sensitive, but we are like you guys, we're trying our best to make these relationships their own work, and have a happy...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happy wife, happy life, you know? So yeah, I think, thank you for the comment, but I'm pretty sure pflacks and sips aren't just constantly bringing up giant tits when they're out on the street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody wants a picture with me. It's just, it's just, sometimes it's really like 50-50. Yea, I think you've just had a few conflicts. A lot of people I meet don't want to take a selfie, because, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also I'm worried that like, I'm worried that the selfie that they take, if I'm not looking very happy in it, they're gonna remember that meeting with me as this sort of thing, where Lewis was very unhappy when I met him, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what pictures do, pictures do shape your memory though of stuff. Like if you look really happy and think you could say, oh, that was really great. We went here and then actually you look at your diary or whatever. It's like the worst holiday ever. You know, it just happened that there was a nice picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have got some absolute ripped snorters this week. They've been really. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, quite honestly, a little wake up call from me. A little bit of a, can we please take some time here? If you send in junk, it won't get read. It'll go straight to the no folder. Alright? But honestly, folks out there listening, and I say folks, you're crushing it this week. Some top notch emails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, rather than retreat and say, no, I'm a loner. Say, I feel like I'm a loner. I don't want to be. I'm going to do something about it. Goes to iSeries. Nice start. Meets a bunch of you lads at the booth. Great friendly interactions all round.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fast forward to 2019, Yogcon, we all remember it well, uh, has fallen in with a pretty cool crowd of fellow Yogs fans, if he does say so himself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had a convers- you guys had a conversation about how they were doing and, uh, how much he loved Steve Jobs' character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You demonstrated that you clearly remembered some details about this, uh, this lad's life. He'd obviously overshadowed a little bit. And he was very, very cheered by the fact that, that you had helped him out by even just remembering who this lad was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good stuff. Play some Pharaoh, there you go. Play some Pharaoh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a, here's a next email. My name's Vince and I'm from New Jersey over in the US. That's how Vince is gonna speak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some time ago, youse guys, I gotta record this, uh, message for you guys. It's a voicemail, I'm in New Jersey. Some time ago, youse guys had a discussion about locks on doors, and I got a great story for the pro locks team. During college, I rented an apartment with two friends who were and are still dating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your apartment was fairly old townhouse, no doors except the bathroom having locks. One night, I was having trouble falling asleep because my roommates had a TV too loud and the bedroom was right behind the wall with my headboard on it. In short, I knocked, I entered the room, I asked them could you turn the fucking volume down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess maybe ease of access is a big attractor for women that want to give a man oral sex or anyone who wants to give a fellow oral sex. Ease of access might be one of the biggest sort of, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of sex happening in the hotel room next to mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were several dudes in there and one lady. And I was like, I wonder if this is one of those hotel gangbangs I've seen on Pornhub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen House of the Dragon? What do you think about the new House of the Dragon? I thought it kind of, maybe, you know, it needed to pay so much service to what had gone before in the previous- Oh, it's your turn! No, sorry, I'll wait, yep. Oh, did you actually, did you watch it, Flex? Did you watch the- I did watch it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks! Was it good? Uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit like watching, it's a bit like a fanfic of something that you really liked. So, because it's leading into Game of Thrones...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't really suddenly introduce anything particularly new or interesting, certainly not in the first episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we've got all the Targaryens and we've got the blonde hair. They reference all the other places, like, oh, I'm so and so Baratheon, like, oh, it's a Baratheon, I recognize that name. So it felt a bit like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this, uh, so, I'm 22 years old. The real ale bandit. Yeah, I'm 22 years old, fresh out of uni. I see myself as a young, hip, trendy guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome home early, possibly roll a joint and flip through my collection of 70s vinyl, or play a bass guitar by myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, like I'm not saying that's all real ale drinkers, obviously. I'm just saying, you know, that it made me laugh that this was exactly what I described.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta, I gotta, this is a cracking follow up for the real ale stuff, alright? This is, this is amazing. Hi, Perium. Hope all's good. I assume he meets the rest of you guys as well. I'll try to keep this brief. I was listening to you and the boys talk about real ale on the Triforce podcast, and it made me smile to hear you talk about Naked Ladies, which is one of the ales that I mentioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a tiny brewery of three brewers, nine staff in total, so I'm not used to hearing our beer mentioned outside of camera festivals, which is the campaign for real health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ever fancy a couple of pints on the house, then pop on down, ask for Max, and I'll sort you out some takeaways. Max, I will literally be there this afternoon. I'm going down this afternoon to get some fucking real L. Hell yes!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's one from, uh, from someone regarding driving in America. This is from James.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if it's on an individual instructor basis where they get to call the shots so much as the state has just made passing so fucking easy, that basically as long as you don't hit anybody, you're good to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got another email, uh, this is from, this is from Becky. Hi Becky. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, when I was down in Bristol, I can relate to this a little bit. I'll discuss that in a moment. I'd like to share my electric scooter story with you. I used a Voi in Bristol. Voi is a brand of, I believe is the only brand of electric scooter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, 100%, but I'm saying it, if you, if, generally speaking, oh, here's the other thing, the voice scooters lock at 11.30 at night, they say no. And if it's after eight o'clock, you have to take a sobriety test to ride it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like a, it pops up with a little reaction based mini game, and you have to click on things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so, toilet-related story. I would like to say, we really have given the impression, haven't we, that the number one topic


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should not be- Who's about to tell us some embarrassing shit. They really should not feel good about this. This is on a related- on a lads holiday to Magaluf, one of my friends was obsessed with shitting in one of the five litre water bottles, as it had a big rim. Just stop you right there. What the fuck are you lads doing? What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and listen to the podcast whilst deployed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, sweet, somebody was there! Fantastic. They signed off as G. G, okay. As a 16 year old who'd stood next to bonfires, the trucks when they exploded, the uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ATMs, when they were lifted and smashed on the ground, when you are treated, and I'm doing this, I'm not picking a side here, I'm reading this in the manner in which I believe it was written.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some things they didn't fully include in the documentaries. By the night of the first, by the first night, some of the restaurants had shit mounted above the seat. Just piled up shit. They had two trucks servicing hundreds of bathrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The water fountains showed a chunk of them didn't work. If you were near one of the main stages, you were hundreds of feet from the free water fountains. So add a couple hundred more feet if you were front and centre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to start managing party favors, which I was foreign to, just to feed us till Sunday night. I don't know what that means, managing party favors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does that mean he's selling drugs or managing party favors, which I was foreign to? I don't know what that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon I was there 2003, you were there 2004, so we just missed each other. Not that we would have bumped into each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all expertise that's been built up, not just a bunch of fucking guys who say, we wanna make you money, let's do wood stuff. It's like, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. And it shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My co-workers tell me this is pretty standard for these buildings. And I've had many more tales to tell from the depths of the Ottawa community housing projects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I think the scalpers, this is the biggest problem with the whole scalping thing is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People buy the, the scalpers tickets. I've done it. There are gigs I'm like, I've got to see this band, I'm gonna pay. And it sucks, and I know I'm perpetuating this whole system, I'm sorry, but everybody does it, because I go to these gigs that are sold out, everybody's buying tickets from the scalpers, or they bought them online from scalpers, because we keep doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I mean, I don't know, and then I don't know if I get plus ones. As soon as I know, I will of course try to see if I can get any plus ones and all the rest of it. But uhm, if I end up going to Singapore and you see me walking about, come up and say hi, if you're a Triforce fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] £50. Yeah, so I'm charging, I'll charge you £8000 for one ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's one from Millie. Uh, after my first entry for the mailbag, no, sadly not. Oh. After my first entry for the mailbag was deemed too generic, I decided to write to you once again. I'm sorry if I called it generic, but uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was 18 I moved out and started my first real job. After a couple of weeks being there, I was walking through the warehouse, saw a woodlouse on the floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I exclaimed to my new colleagues, look at the size of that cheesy log, to which I received startled looks of confusion, and the question, what the fuck is a cheesy log? It was this day that I found out that these creatures were actually called woodlice. I did some research, it turns out that cheesy log is a term for woodlice that originates and is only used in redding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the plural is woodlice. The singular is woodlouse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As the child of two women who eventually met my biological father, I have to say that responding aggressively, even when disappointed in him, is bizarre to me and I think my collection of half-siblings would all agree, though I know them to varying degrees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the end, her biological father turned out to be kind of a creep. Not just because he's a hunter. And uh, I believe that this person is a vegetarian, so shout out to you apparently. That's not our shout out, that's their shout out to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, but the point is, uh, not an original one, they're going to say, but in the end it is true that your DNA should only matter to your doctor. Any investment in it other than as practical data is nothing more than crystal-slinging mysticism. I would be fine as the child of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Rogue Fertility Doctor, to anyone who wouldn't be, I would suggest seriously considering the dangers of placing so much emphasis on your heritage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a, this is a cracker of an email. Uh, this is from someone I'm gonna call Jay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. They have attached a picture of a massive fire in Washington, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am a wildland firefighter in Washington.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get sent out on two to three week dispatches where we work 16 hour shifts a day on fires in the Pacific Northwest and beyond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not only, this is Washington state, so, northwest. Yeah. Not only are fires a part of life here, they are a massive industry. An individual fire camp may well have over a thousand people at it. Imagine a music festival with no music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are contractors galore, hand wash trailers, showers, truck drivers, caterers, pilots, copy shop suppliers, anything you could imagine. We pay schools, parks, and private owners to use their property for camps. The costs for fighting a single fire often run into the hundreds of millions, even billions. If you are convicted of causing a fire, you are on the hook for the entire cost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think of all the contractors and fire personnel who rely on these yearly disasters to make their money. The worse the fires get, the bigger the industry grows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and Triforce helps, uh, helps Jay get through the 60 nowadays. God bless. Good luck to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea, but we obviously talked about jury duty because that's what this email is about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Firstly, the jury is not allowed to know the legal definition of the crime that the person is accused of. Which seems completely fucking bonkers. What this means is I still have zero idea whether he was actually guilty of that crime specifically or instead of a different crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Secondly, the judge told us that, well, so you're only allowed to talk about the crime that they've been accused of and whether they're guilty of it. The jury is not allowed to do any kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, well, maybe it was a different thing, you just have to evaluate it on those specifics, and I think the jury is given as little information as possible so that it's up to the prosecution and the defence to sway them, which is essentially what a jury trial is all about, is winning the jury.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well, so hang on. Secondly, the judge told us we were not allowed, we were allowed to infer evidence, which I'm 99.999% sure isn't allowed. On top of that, the judge told us that if we declared guilt for one count, we had to declare guilt on all the rest too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they also mentioned an unrelated crime in Australia and then told us not to let that affect our decision making. Thirdly, we had an ex-police officer in our jury, so they definitely weren't impartial. For legal reasons, I can't talk about specifics in deliberation, but I can say that they definitely were encouraging people to vote a specific way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If your public defender is hot garbage, you are done. Uh, at no point in this trial did the defendant's representation ever ask the witnesses if they had any hard evidence to prove that this man did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have had jury duty experience, if you are a lawyer or a barrister or a judge or something, email in, we would love to hear some more details about this personally, I'm fascinated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think, if you, if you, uhm, there's a, there's a guy called The Secret Barrister, he's on Twitter, he has a book and everything, I have definitely spoken about him before. His book is really interesting. There's currently a strike on in this country, uhm, amongst the sort of public defenders, I guess you'd call them in the States, but over here it's like, you know, the sort of, uh, the council that you're given


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, the, the cuts that have been made to the legal system in this country are unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Working all those knots out. Yeah. I've been watching the, uh, the crown and I made it up to season four and let me tell you, season four, you have Prince Philip,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Prince Charles, which you would have been at the time, and Margaret Thatcher, and uh, the groaning levels are just like off the fucking charts with those three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think, uhm, she just had this crazy work ethic from having like a really, really boring childhood. Because I think her dad was a shop owner and an alderman, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She spent all day in a shop and then, uh, watched him write speeches and then went to the conferences where he would do his speeches and that was her whole childhood. Really cool, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It spices things up though, right? They say variety is the spice of life, right? Like sometimes getting pranked. It's just a little prank. Like don't, don't worry about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just the best one, honestly. I honestly, I've been married for 20 years, I've never thought about any of this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really is just a combinational. I feel like with a lot of this stuff, and maybe this is not a great take or maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like a lot of this stuff comes from people who are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, have had a successful relationship or, or happily married, but they just can't help themselves but to like.