[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Lauren, Lauren is incredibly tall. I did not know this about her. I mean, I've met her a handful of times. I don't ever remember her being as tall as she was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think I was like bummed because I wanted to play sports and I was always kind of like little and he's like well you would have been taller just know that like trying to juice me up and I don't know if it's real because my mom is a tiny person and my dad is a little taller than me but he's not like a giant dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still two girls, one guy. I feel like I would also want it to be a- Shut up. Shut up, bitch. A guy I don't know. Because if it's like a homie of yours and you have to hang out all the time and then every time you're like at a party and they're like- Yeah, that's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but what if it's, what if it's a homie of yours, and this guy's throwing it down from- It's you, okay? Go ahead, it's you. He's, he's, he's doing double front flips. Yeah. Into, into the, off the top rope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we were talking about if it's like you were bringing someone into your relationship. That's what I thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, let's start our own podcast where me and you agree on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's fun to watch those old Workaholics clips that, like, of scenes that you haven't, you haven't seen those episodes in, in, for so damn long. Like, I know I haven't, like, gone back and watched the old episodes in a loooong, long time. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, it's, it's cartoon Kyle and cartoon Ders sitting in Ders' bed, uh, looking like they just fucked each other up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, cause he straight up moved there, right? Uh, yea, well he hasn't moved there officially, officially, but they're looking for property. Alright, let us know. But, Alexi Demitriv, I think that's how he said his last name, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was our makeup artist on Workaholics. Great guy. Great guy and was always doing extra stuff. Uh, was always.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making tattoos was always just doing more than he had to, and he was a great asset for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when, you know, a lot of times your makeup artist won't be able to do special effects makeup and he could do both. So we really use that with him. And then he went off and now he's doing like the Mandalorian, he did the Boba Fett, and he's now the head makeup person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And his strengths were, uh, chain smoking cigarettes in the, in the parking lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, do you have any calls to listen to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cool, it's, it's a vibe, man. It's a vibe. It's a vibe flick for sure. Do you remember the trailer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, the, I didn't watch the trailer for it. I do, cause it's David Bowie. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, it was, uh, who did you just say? Philip Seymour Hoffman's son is the lead of it. His name is Cooper. Yeah, does a great job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well first of all, Glasgow, and that is a real place. I'll have to look that up. It's in Scotland, I just looked it up, Scotland. I gotta make my way over there when I'm in Berlin. Glasgow, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, you still have the same bladder. Well Kyle, where's your weirdest place that you masturbated? Cause I know mine was at a T.J. Maxx, uh, and Blake's was on a plane. Ders, where was yours?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't have time to jerk off at home, you had to do it. Yeah, that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Well did you guys ever jerk off like while in a car with your family?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle looks exactly like his mom, Pamela.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, it was, it was real spot on. It was, it was crazy. I guess I don't- It's science. I know Kyle's mom a little better than your guys' mom, so I think that's why it really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Knocked, knocked me on my ass when I saw that. I was like, I know this lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was a fire behind those eyes, and you're like, I don't know if I can handle this little rug rat. Yeah. Yeah, she was, she was a hot mess. Yeah, she's climbing up the walls, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, who was, uh, over your bed? Cause I remember that, that- Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he is. Ders just really wants to throw it down. He just cannot convince a woman to help him out with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you got the closest in our show. You got, you got pretty close a couple times. To Effing? To Effing Girls, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, only club sandwiches. I'm talking, it's my favorite time to eat. I would rather eat in the middle of the day and eat a big awesome meal, no matter what it is, whether it's eggs or steak or cheeseburgers. Those are the three things I eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 minutes, go ahead. And you get to eat the biggest fucking... After last man normally results in an hour. In about an hour, and then you get the biggest fucking meal, and you get everything, you get the chicken, you get the beef, you get the shrimpies, you make yourself a big salad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, maybe like when he goes out to the desert, that's when he becomes T-1000. Oh shit. You know what I mean? Oh, law enforcement?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a big deal because it was on the screens and like all the bars and people were seeing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That bike rocks. That sounds cool. I like those electric bikes. I think they're cool. You don't have to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, talk about it, Ders. Let's go. Polychar segment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. If you're in like a low gear, if you're in a low gear and you're pedaling down the hill too, you can get fucking going crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that movie with Joseph Corden Leavitt where he's like a bike messenger? Oh damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Anders. Yes, let's take it back to Oedipus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then when Throw Mama from the Train came out, and it was Newark, I was like, what is going on here? Okay, Kyle, preach. I know New York, cause there's turtles. Throw Mama from the Train? Is that a good movie? Is that, and that is based on the Odyssey. Throw Mama from the Train. Yea, that's a, that's an iteration of, uh. Throw Mama from the Train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't remember the- I don't remember the premise. All I remember is the last like- I remember at some point Danny-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Danny DeVito gets called a booey with hair. That I remember, and I thought that was a good heat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's the grandma from Goonies, yes it is. Never seen Goonies? Never seen it, not a fan. Is that real? Blake, I thought you hated Goonies because of the- I thought you hated Goonies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, good, good, good. Well that woman, I was trying to think of Stop, uh, what's the one that you just mentioned? The Sylvester Stallone one? Don't shoot her, my mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, stop or my mom will shoot. She was very funny in that movie. She was like a wise crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then cut her out. I was just looking, I know, I was just looking at a picture that popped up of me, like, sitting next to her on that day when she was on set and I was like, God, we need to release that. We need to release that opening. It's just sitting on a hard drive somewhere and that was fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like, uh, just don't judge us. I feel like we could do a cool like, we could do like a cool curse word section with Oscar the Grouch. Oh, that's uh, I feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird, wild stuff. They're cool. Wait, was Miss Picky? That's on the Muppets, right? Yeah, Muppets. That's, okay. But not Sesame Street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good point, Blake. But Kermit was like a guest. I feel like Kermit was a guest on Sesame Street. Like, he's not a part of the fucking cast. He was like a guest. Right. I'm just being real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's one up in Seattle too though, I remember seeing it up in Seattle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it moves, like I saw like beaker and, and I saw the puppets as well, it was very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There must be a huge puppet market down there in Atlanta or something. That's probably in its roots. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Angelica's a bitch. But you had parents in Rugrats. You had parents in Rugrats. You had Stu and the dad and Chuckie's dad and shit. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, that's all I watched, like, that's all I watched, it was Nickelodeon, that was it. Nothing else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I think it was syndicated into Nickelodeon. I think they grabbed it. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they make a- were they in the show? Were they in the show as cartoons?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally. I did hear on the same day I heard about you, I heard about another friend of mine in New York who's a writer and he said him and his wife had a breakthrough case and it knocked him down for three weeks. Oh dude, I'm so fucking glad. After post vaccination, yeah. Yeah, I'm so glad that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, alcohol stays, stays good. No, thankfully you don't have to do


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I'm O. Yeah, that's, yeah. Really? I'm O positive. What about O positive? Am I good? O BABY!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's like he just brings you the spoon of ricotta and he's like, hey man, I'll bring the spoon of ricotta anywhere you go


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't know what it means. He's just saying it. He doesn't know. That's what he's trying to say. It's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeah. So that's Blake. So that's what we're doing. That's what's happening right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A warm soup. Well cold too? What about cold? Like, what about cold? Like ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a resource. Nowadays, nowadays, it's like, nowadays, if you're using it, you're like resourceful, utilitarian, and fuckin' also smokin' hella weed, bro. I guarantee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the, that was the thing is like, there was when it was in style, like after Blake, uh, got that, people would, people would connect chains together and do long ass chains. You remember that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're so fucking multiple, James. Multiple. Bro. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think all the way from Canada. But am I connecting too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just com- He's just being comfortable. He's slipping like what? He's cozy. He's just being cozy. He's just being cozy. He's 50- He's a 50 year old


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he wants to be cozy and make some fucking music and just chill, dude. Let him chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is, it's not 50, it's Luda, and I knew that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which one was this? Yeah, what was- what's the bit? I'd like to- Let's tell the joke. I'd like to know it with the comedian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to compliment you right now, use my compliment up on you for this whole, uh, what you're doing right now and how you're handling this situation, how Matt did and how you are. I think that this is fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you get it out there, you own up. It's fucking big, it's good dude, it's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Along with age comes wisdom. Along with knowledge comes power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, no thank you. Thank you for giving us a week off. I enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super rough, I loved the week off, it's uh, rough to do this with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna go to a doctor, an old guy, an old doctor guy, he'll finger my butthole, I'll do the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] T-I-I nation. Get at this dude! Bro. Well thank you guys for doing this. Get at me! Uh, special episode on my birthday. I know it was my birthday wish that we come and we do a podcast, uh, just so I could be with my guys on my birthday. And I want to thank you guys, uh, for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, no, I'm getting ahead of it. No, no, I come, I come out the gate letting the people know, letting the community know it is my birthday and this was my special gift to myself. Happy birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, my favorite, what I think we should start, and what I've been doing for the past, like, I'm gonna say like five or six years, you just sing the end. The whole song sucks. Like, it's too long of a song. That's true. You just say, Happy birthday to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like it, Adam. You don't like that? We'll see, no- I- I know, I would never do that for you. We'll see, then you just start- then you can s- Oh, fitness? Oh, what is that, sporty and rich? I love it, Ders. Ders is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders got me a hat that says fitness on it. He knows I'm a chubby fitness king. And I appreciate that. Thank you, body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're not old enough. You weren't old enough. Along with age comes wisdom. Along with age comes wisdom. It was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the bod- the bod's doing okay. I'm feeling a little droopy. I went, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but I got to, we, we, you know, it's hard to get there for an opening, the opening act. It started at seven o'clock, I'm like, I had to work yesterday, I had to work on a Saturday, which sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, I barely got home in time to, you know, to make the turnaround to go see


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our manager, Isaac, and that was awesome. He was having a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chloe, and then Nina Dobrev, and her friend Erica, uh, Nina's in the movie with me, in the Outlaws, and uh, none of these girls knew Metallica, not even like one song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like Metallica, admittedly, on stage I was like, oh, they're running around too much. They gotta, they're, they're gonna be, have to take an ice bath after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just 60 year olds there just throwing the fuck down. Like they were, they were just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right in the pocket. Or like 55 year olds where they were just like, oh shit, fuck yeah. Metallica.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have many clo- you know, I'm- I'm here, I'm- I'm just shooting this movie, so I didn't bring like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still Pierce Brosnan's looks man, this guy's looking mad cool in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say I still don't know the difference, and that's gonna be something that, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that sucks. Yeah, I have my scale ready to go, but I don't have batteries for it though, so I can't do it on this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I will say that I'm glad we dug that out of the crates cause that video of you giving that interview is one of my all time favorites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders is, is the, the shopper of our crew. Uh, do we, like who is the most fashionable? Is it Blake? Blake is the hippest. He's the hippest. Is Ders the most, uh, fashionable? Would that be the word?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you still? Well, Adam, hold on, no, cause we've, this is crazy. Look at me. Look at me, dude. This is 38?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then I put, I put it in a, like a can of La Croix, uh, over ice, you know, like a lemon La Croix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, over ice, and I mix it together, and every once in a while I put a little vodka in it, you know, from- from-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, Zequil isn't, is just for sleeping. Zequil's a sleep aid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I do is I, exactly, I wake up, I have a pre-brew pot, I just hit the little button, I take my shower, I chug one cup of coffee, then I have three venti iced


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, after I go home. And then I do that, uh, I work out and then usually I like learn my lines while on the bike or whatever, whatever I have to memorize for the day. And then, uh, and then, you know, just take my lane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't do it, no I do. I do do it every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we do. Uh, thank you. Thank you. And this is how, this is how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would work on me, an intervention, with just a lot of compliments, being like, I know you, I know you, dude, you're good, you don't need me. Uh, but no, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. Dude, but you, you've got a pure body. I, I, I, uh, you know, I've been- You do. I've been riding highs and lows for a while now, so I feel like I need- Yea. I need it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, when you, for, you know, the listeners, when you are on a TV show, you have to have a physical, like the network makes you take a physical, and before you do any project, uh, yeaah, you have to have a physical for insurance, but these doctors want you to pass, because it's the studio that is paying them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, whether she's, uh, this doctor's doing their best or not, I don't know, but, uh, she...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I don't have a- I don't have a doctor, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I've been doing, I've been doing the, uh, the Zquel every night, uh, for... three years now? Four years? Five years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to do that stuff to your 40, dude. It's science. When you have to start doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm drinking coffee and, and, you know, one Red Bull a day. I cut it down to one sugar-free Red Bull a day. That's pretty good. Remember how many Monster Energy drinks I was drinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like it. I don't like it. I always feel like gross the next day. You feel like you're sick the next day. It's like disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel, I feel like in the, well now I feel like it's not probably, I mean I'm not going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think it went back in the room once Fentanyl hit the scene and people were like, oh gross, that shit's disgusting. There could, it could be- Dude, that's so wack, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 8 people died, uh, R.I.P. that absolutely is the fucking worst. Yeah, kids dude, youngsters. Uh, but also, there was some fucking lunatic I saw today on the news that he was injecting people with different drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, there was no, this was a hard drinking 60 year old crowd. There was no one injecting you with drugs at this place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, okay, so. But then he did say, get the Travis Scott burger. Uh, yeaah, he did, he plugged McDonald's. Yeaah, he did say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the one with Green Day with all the mud all over, right? That's the dookie fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's way not polite, that's hella rude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With AIDS. You're not that guy, pal. And that's an urban legend, right? That never happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the classic one was, uh, Richard Gere, the urban legend of Richard Gere getting his, the gerbil stuck up his ass, and he had to go to the HR to remove a gerbil up his ar- and also- HR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they brought me, like, a cake on set, right? You know, cause it's your birthday and when they do that, that's nice. They better. All these candles, I blew the cake out and I'm like, oh, are we gonna cut it? And they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have to throw it, we have to throw it away now because of COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Clap what they ass cheeks. We're like fanning it. See, I didn't even think, it was just like, I was wearing, I was wearing a shield, you know, the, the shield that they make you wear. Right. And then, uhm. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was like, took it off, blew on it, didn't even think, and then was like, oh yea, obviously, we're gonna have to throw away this cake now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say it's, it's nice cause you don't, you don't just go and graze when you're like, you're bored.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you have to, on this production, you have to download this app.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you like click, I want, I want a cliff bar or whatever and then, and then it says it'll be ready and it'll give you a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our buffets in general back, bro. Oh, you know big, big buffets coming out swinging. As soon as they can, big buffets coming back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree, that was bad, but they did- True, didn't even put that together. And then soup, soup nazi?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, immediately though, suplantation did fucking rule. Oh my god. My god. We used to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I forgot, you're a gangster. You go to Sizzler and you don't get the fucking steak, you fucking dorks. You're winning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oops. You don't get lobster? Uh, that was my, my shit. You know, when I was a kid, I used to, my family, when it was your birthday, you gotta choose the restaurant that you get to go to. I chose... Sizzler. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for my birthday, I, I hope we can afford it. Uhm, I would really like to go to Sizzler. And my mom goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we can swing that, honey. Oh shit. She like, took me on a little bit of a ride and I'm like, oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's sick. Yeah, we did it. I did that at the, uh, Orange County Fair. And no, I did it at the Orange County Fair, and I got, uh, this woman was mad at me. Oh really? She was mad at you? This woman was like, yeah, she was like, yes, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it was like a little bit of a line and I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna go, I'll just pay for everybody and get our drinks now. And so I was like, hey, I need six beers and then whatever any of these people want. And the woman's like, oh you think, oh you think you're special?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're still turning it up to 11. I wonder when that'll stop. When you have a heart attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was owned by Mark Wahl. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool that you like, take your weekends after working all week and you like, better yourself and you go to like, museums and stuff. I just get- I usually just, uh, eat chicken and waffles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did see, I did see, I drove past on my way to a bar. I, I went, did see Martin Luther King's house. Where they're passing in the Uber. That's awesome. That's where he was born and raised. And I'm like, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Atlanta's pretty, pretty rad. Uhm, I've never been to Mobile. Yeah, it has so much cool history. That's super cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you out of your minds? Wait, weren't we talking about Forrest Gump vs- Not as good as Dune. Dune rocked. Okay, do you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not saying visually, better movie. Now you're adding other words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was the fact that it was slow, right? I think- I haven't- I've yet to see it, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, okay, well here's, here's what it is, it's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, I mean, I thought it would come from stand-up too, but now that Blake says pro-wrestling, I'm like, well, that's an aggressive sport. Feels like they threw the mic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, also try and spray some of the water up with the tops of your feet while you run. It'll look really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not stepping on your process, but it is a visual medium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're here. Oh, so this is a double shot. So this is a double shot. I'm out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all about firsts. When they came up with numbers, dude! Oooh. Mmmmm. That was the first? When they fucking came up with numbers, that was the first first. Alright. Well done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I got no gripe with your choice bro. My gripe is with your choice of size. That's too much payday in one sitting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I did at your bachelor party. I had some, uh, and a, whatever, just a mix, cause I wanted to feel like I was a part of everything. Non-alcohol, Bloody Mary mix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not worried about the pee pee during the movie. I'll just run out pee come back. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I drink a lot, I drink, I drink a lot of coffee, lot of coffee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they built it around. They based the concept on. Oh cool. Yeah.


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[Assistant] He flies around, he's got big strong, uh, abilities and stuff.


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[Assistant] Yes, points! I think so. Were they in a scene together? Uh, it was in- no, it was like the sixth. To be- I think it's the sixth. It was the middle of the first season when- it's the strike episode, right? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. The second episode is when Durz had the bike lock on him.


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[Assistant] That was like most, I mean I remember that happening with Chorus Leachman in a major way. Right, yes. Where it was like we would rehearse the scene and we would do a couple takes and then she's like, I gotta go to lunch.


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[Assistant] And you're like where? And she's like in Los Angeles. And she would get up


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[Assistant] She actually walked away and she held it together like walking away to her car and then somehow turned around and was like, I'm joking and plugged into the joke and it was like, wait, but I swear you weren't.


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[Assistant] I'm sure, I think that's out there. That's gotta be out there. Gotta join TikTok to find out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but just, the bad grandpa, the bad grandpa was the Knoxville one. Dirty Grandpa is the Bob DeNiro movie with, uh, with who else? With, uh, With Zac Efron. Yeah, yeah. Zachary Efron. Zachary Efron. That's the best. I saw Bad Grandpa, didn't see Dirty Grandpa.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I watched it three times at your bachelor party. Yeah, we had that one. Give me a hell yeah! Baby! It was fuckin' sick, dude. I bought it. Yeah, it's great. I think I, I upgraded your parents' account. I think I need to let them know about this. I think I was like, yes, to like, 75 bucks. Perfect! Ooopsies. Sorry. We tried, we tried.


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[Assistant] What are his bad movies, like that cheerleader movie?


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[Assistant] Of the Richard family. He's like Jackie Earl Haley. Yes. Like, you guys know Jackie Earl Haley from Little Children and also from Semi Pro?


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[Assistant] How about it? You know what I mean? How about it? I'm not discounting it, I'm just saying.


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[Assistant] You need to get on solid ground before you start taking the piss out of me. I'll suck your dick.


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[Assistant] You need a foundation. You need to check your foundation before you start taking the piss. That's true.


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[Assistant] That's why Dune felt unresolved to you. If you would have seen Semi Pro, everything would have wrapped up at the end of Dune. You goofball. What's his character in Semi Pro? What, Woody Harrelson or Jacky Earle? Jacky Earle.


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[Assistant] He, he comes in and wins a, he wins like a, uh, competition. He like, I think he makes a, he makes a basket or something, bro. What do you want from me? I wonder-


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[Assistant] Bro, if Tommy Lee Jones, he didn't say that, did he? No. Have you guys seen that movie? That's Jack Nicholson.


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[Assistant] Oh, and Kiefer Sutherland, Anders. That's right.


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[Assistant] Yep, all comes back to the Sutherland bloodstream. Yes it does. The dude is off the fucking Richter scale, he's the best. Blood, I think I meant bloodline? I don't know what you meant. Bloodline?


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[Assistant] That's all over. It's all over and they're all hits.


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[Assistant] In school? Oh, dude, I never got to watch that. Yeah, they would wheel out the little TV. The best movie I ever saw in school was fucking Tucker, man in a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, are you saying, are you saying that these kids, are you saying that these kids are just wanting to skip the craft and go straight to the fame? Is that what's happening on YouTube right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. It was great. He rocks, dude. Well they're not actually buttfucking, it's obviously a pantomime of a buttfucking. It's a pantomime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is the new, like, Britney and Madonna kissing is like... Yes, thank you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that's a good thing to put in the mainstream. No, it's a commercial.


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[Assistant] Be it, be it, whatever it is, it's still a, it's still like, you know, him expressing himself on stage through choreography, so like, that's dope. That's not like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we were growing up and we saw that shit, that shit would be outrage, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but money, money pushes art forward too. Money pushes art. Yeah, but uh, I mean, we're talking about the VMAs, don't we?


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[Assistant] He's like, no, it's great. I actually love it. I don't quite understand it though. I don't quite understand it because the money follows like the culture then, you know what I mean? So like the culture popping through and the money is supporting that. So like what's, what's the problem with that? To me that's financial progress.


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[Assistant] Wow, dude, I was thinking about this today too, cause I was watching Norm's, Norm has a show on Netflix and he's always like, shit, you want a red bull? Yeah, he's like, R.I.P. Flowers. I was just catching up on some. R.I.P. Didn't give him flowers? Fuck.


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[Assistant] Then I thought back to like, I'm pretty sure our opening shot of Workaholics because of the relationship that Viacom had with Red Bull is a floating Red Bull bowl in the pool. Like it is an indoor, like a commercial. That was our first shot. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I don't think that was on purpose, was it? That was 1000% on purpose because they had a deal with Viacom. Then I wouldn't have done the show. I'm out, I'm a monster guy. And I was like, I got the shot. I put it in there.


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[Assistant] So there was a big thing when they were replacing Chris, when they were replacing Chris Plummer in, uhm, the Money movie, you know, or they replaced Kevin Spacey with Chris Plummer, and then they just did the same thing with Tig Notaro and Chris Delia, you know, in the Zombie movie.


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[Assistant] There was something where something passed fucking James Dean in a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They actually cast- a director actually cast James Dean in a movie. The porn dude? The porno guy? No. The dead actor. The dead actor from Rebel Without a Cause.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And do the movie, or this was the plan. I can't, I don't know what came of it, but they got an impersonator come in and do the movie and then they put his face on that guy's face.


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[Assistant] I dunno, he's little dude. We're not gonna do the age thing.


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[Assistant] But Nas X is like, he's like 22. Right? I think he's like 22.


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[Assistant] Is that what we've been doing with the internet is just pushing it everywhere to your, like, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders. Let's do it. Let's do a, uh, DK talk. Ders and Kyle. Let's do it. Oh, DK. I'd be hyped on that. Polycharged. Yea, we would get into it.


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[Assistant] It's fucking dope. What's her profession? What's her thing? No, that is her thing. Just beat it.


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[Assistant] So she just like, is like a, she's a, she is, she just is pink and she's like, I'm the pink person. Yeaah. And she drives a pink Corvette. When you say it like that it doesn't sound cool, but it's very cool.


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[Assistant] No, no, I just want to get to, I just want to get to the bottom of it. You know, I don't, I mean, yeah, obviously it's so sick. Obviously super sick.


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[Assistant] What's that dude's name? Tommy, Tommy Wiseau? Yea.


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[Assistant] The Disaster Artist. Right. Well, it's James Franco's film.


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[Assistant] It lacks arcing, it's really just very rough.


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[Assistant] I understand by that, dude. Tommy Wiseau is a, he's a genius. He, he really like put his all on that screen. It's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. He just hung on to that. I mean, some of these guys, uh, actually there was one from the Bay area that a guy made one around the same time called Birdemic. Did you guys ever hear about this film? Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] That's what it is. It's like birds. Yeah, but it's like all the birds are now attacking everyone and the dude couldn't like, couldn't like afford the CG. So like what ended up in the movie or is the sickest computer graphics like you will ever see?


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[Assistant] What about, what about cooking? Let's make a octopus.


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[Assistant] Stop, stop. Well, scared stupid is the scariest one. That one actually freaked me out as a child. Like I got very nervous and didn't want to drink milk for quite some time after watching that one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like do the earnest biopic all the way up through Toy Story and everything, you know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Uh, not Canadian. American. Yo.


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[Assistant] I did. I did. I was wrong. I said he was, I thought he was. I just am up here and I'm like, dude. But go after somebody, Adam. Yeah, yeah, hit me.


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[Assistant] Yes, you can also be a classically trained character commercial actor, which is what we're saying right now.


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[Assistant] You just have to like follow these people. You follow everybody around in these different rooms. It's like, oh check it out, he's up on IG right now. Let's have a conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he's not gonna jump off IG and go over to text message. You're right there. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you could say reach out via direct messages. Yeah, we reach out.


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[Assistant] Message my direct, my DMs. M my DMs. Message my direct messages.


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[Assistant] Vancouver, is that what you said? No, I'm Toronto. I'm Toronto. Toronto. Okay. I'm on the east coast, so like normally it's just like fucking cold as shit. Far away as Kentucky as you can get, bro. As far away as you can get, dude.


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[Assistant] Thank you for breaking it down. Yeah, you just had the ism to make it seem more legit, which is what happened with you. I said freaking ism and you're like, what is this? What is it a real thing?


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[Assistant] How strict did I get? You're not purchasing anything, I don't think.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like- No, you get your electricity from like the un-


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[Assistant] The plugs that are just chilling on somebody's wall. You just plug your phone in for a little bit there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. That's for sure. We were starting to describe homelessness. It's not really freeganism, you know. Right. I'm freegan. Uh. Houselessness. Okay. Yeah, you don't, you can't say what you say. Okay. I know, I apologize.


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[Assistant] It's cause like, the staying home is where the heart is. So you can't stay homeless because you got a heart that's beating. You know what I mean? That's why it's not cool. That's how I interpret this.


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[Assistant] One means you don't have that. Don't have a house. A house. Not a home. A house. Those are two different things.


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[Assistant] That's what we're supposed to be realizing right now. Okay. Is that a home is where you hang your hat. You know what I mean? A house is where you hang your hat.


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[Assistant] No, like, but you can hang your hat in places that aren't houses. That's what I'm saying. What a tree.


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[Assistant] Yes, you can put a hook anywhere and call that your home. Look, hang on. But you can't call it a house.


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[Assistant] Cause I feel like it applies. That's a really good, uh, package there. You got freaking game over man, game over board, game over mon. Like that's huge dude.


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[Assistant] When I got off it up here in Toronto. Delta. We're sick.


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[Assistant] I was pretty stoked because they fucking, I needed some papers and a lighter and I was


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[Assistant] No dude, fucking croctopus. You can't fuck with the croctopus. That's a good one actually. That one actually could.


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[Assistant] Hey, don't take away from Volcano Beaver, dude. I know you're-


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[Assistant] From the croctopus. Yeah, quest one, quest two. So it's croctopus, attack of the zom, de beavers. De beaver.


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[Assistant] We'll see. Croctopussy. That's why you said alligator pussy, huh? Because croctopussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is called Octogator or whatever the fuck you want. It's called Zom, Zombeavers from Martin. No, no, no, that's already Jordan's movie. I misspoke, that's a movie.


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[Assistant] On Netflix, yeah. Yeah, he's just interviewing people and it's just so raw and like. They're the pilot. It's him and Super Dave. Fucking awesome.


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[Assistant] Why? Why don't you want to just get all the sponsors? That resonates, I mean, it resonates with me as an artist. I don't know about- Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's hard to... Well, you reach a point where, yeaah, you definitely do reach a crossroads where you're, I'm sure almost every, I mean anybody who's lucky enough to be up in the mix probably hits a point where they're like, fuck that. No, I'm going this way.


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[Assistant] Yeah, who's just over just by the cocktail shrimp just slamming some slurping down some shrimp.


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[Assistant] That's what you look like. Hard target, baby. You look good. Going for her third slice of cake.


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[Assistant] It's, uh, for work right now, it's the last week shooting The Outlaws and, uh, I go undercover to rob a bank. Spoiler!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, kind of, not really. And it'll be in the trailer.


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[Assistant] So I'm like, I have eyeliner and shit on for it. It's so fucking hard to get eyeliner off to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, and that's why I'm here. No, but so they had, uh, they eyeliner'd me up, and they, it's impossible to get off, and then I look insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For, for the rest of the night, like I, like Ateeba.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I got a bad case of the smokey eye. Remember how the smokey eye was like a thing for a minute, girls would get that, but then you could fuck it up and just kinda look like you've been crying and that's what it looked like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Thank you. I'm throwing out some sultry vibes. Thank you. Absolutely. Uh, my buddy Atiba, and Blake's, uh, very good, very good friend. Ex-friend. I'm pissed at him. On and off again. Yeah, I think they fuck. Just say our friend Atiba. Uh, no, no, no, Blake and him, they're closer than we are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and Atiba are close, we're homies, he came to the bachelor party, close homie. Blake and Atiba, FaceTime.


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[Assistant] I'm a triplet. Yeah, I'm a triplet. And so what about him? The third leg. He's in town. He's in town. He's gonna shoot the posters for the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just a famous photographer all around, but he shot the poster for Game Over Man, and we love him so much that I took him for outlaws, but then no one told me he's coming into town today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, uh, I'm afraid I'm gonna look like a smoky-eyed asshole in these posters. I'M A MAN! They can fix a lot with, uh...


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[Assistant] So, but yea, no, he's getting older. I feel like older actors, they want that brush look. Admittedly, I've been airbrushed before, where they've like airbrushed all the like forehead wrinkles out of my power lines, as I call them. Off my head. And I've been like, and then I saw the movie poster and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, people don't know not mad at it.


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[Assistant] Uh, can we talk about how are our wives? Cause we all have wives now. I'm part of the club, boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, I know. I just talked to her a minute ago and also I track her via my phone and the chip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I've implanted in her, uh, but... Lojack your wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In her butt? We have, as we have wives, we have the, in her butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Via Astro Glide, that's how we got it up there. That's how we do it. You use the glide, not the force, as I have a t-shirt that says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do your wives think of all, cause, uh, Chloe's, you know, she's like, oh wow, another sponsor that is about sex. We got Trojan, Trojan's a proud sponsor, we got Astroglide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, uh, tanga eggs, come at us. Yes. Yeah, we're not getting any, like, I, hey, Astroglide, excited to get, uh, I'm excited to use the product more. It's been a while since I've glided.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for real. It's been a long while since I've glided. Yeah, you're kind of a dry guy or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, my dick sweats. You guys- Well, sure. Sweats? Goodbye. When it's working out? Huh. Doesn't secrete?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't, uh, didn't get a lot of female takers. And, uh, you know, a lot of them came back and were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I guess I've never called, you know, I grew up in the Midwest, in Iowa and Nebraska, and I've never called anyone like a pig fucker. Yeah, I think you have.


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[Assistant] And now they got the internet, you know, they, yeah, I'm defending them.


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[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he wrote, it's international.


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[Assistant] I remember as a kid, like watching it because it would get like, uh.


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[Assistant] That's fine. And that's fine that you do. And that's fine. I love that for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wearing like, butt-ass naked. She's wearing like flesh-colored, like, long, and you're like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shizzle. Shizzle. He gets serious, and he says old Snoop Dogg, uh, toss away lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it the Thai food you ordered? No, it's probably, I'm a fat fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is a magic, it's an audio form. Alright, go ahead, go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Thai food? Is that Thai food? And then I open up the door, clack clack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about like, what about like girls, girls, girls? That's too much, it's over the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those girls to me, I think cause I was a kid, those girls didn't even seem like, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably cause I wasn't even thinking sexually at the time. I was like- Probably cause you were-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Pocahontas. Rick. Those are my, those are my one, two punches. And then Jessica Rabbit was okay, but hey, too much going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How come I'm wearing, uh, the pre-brothers hat now and I look...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew some homies back in the day that I would be like, with other friends, I'd be like, is he? Does he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You haven't been in urban outfitters in a while. Have you, uh, have you, Blake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake keeps a finger on the pulse. He's the go-to cool guy of the group. I'm sure he goes into urban outfits. I'm shopping for my cousin. You were in an urban outfit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone. Everyone, and I also am, I'm not gonna like, just check into the store of that, uh, that I wore the clothing once on a TV show, and go like, I have to, they wrote, they raised me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what we were talking about before the podcast started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when you guys went to the premiere the other day. Myself. Uh, yea, you and Pete Davidson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who else? So, Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, you, I see you guys in your merch, uh, you, you look great, uh, I see specifically Pete in a freak, a corduroy freak brothers hat. Yes. That is super dope. I got a giant


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so it's, it had its run, and I'm happy for him, and now I'd like the hat. That's all I'm saying, it's a cool hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I want everyone to keep, to keep your volume up. Because this isn't for Pete specifically. Volume. Uh, this is for the other producers and the people that sent the merch. Hooked a brother up with the corduroy hat. That's what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, if he got the- God, I see. I can see him getting the corduroy hat too. I know there's levels to this shit. I got the trucker hat. They look at me and they're like, he's a trucker hat type of guy. Which, I get. What does that say? Adam, I can't read it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wake and Bake, yeah, it's our character, Chuck and Charlie, Wake and Bake, cannabis and coffee shop, that's the cannabis and coffee shop that we run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And those are our characters that, they're like, uh, when they were designing them, it's when we were talking about doing the work all us cartoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, I can, Blake, I can see the guy with like more hair but then that guy's like the fat guy and I'm definitely the fat guy of the two of us. But then they gave me, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hair that I've never had in my life and a flavor saver. Yeah dude. They took some liberties. They took some liberties. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ho, ho. Holidays. Dude. Uh, so, so this is deep in, do your children listen to the podcast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so did you, there was no conversation we had. You just were quiet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Durz, have you had any kind of conversation like that? Or your children aren't at that level yet? As far as Santa Claus?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's, my parents just used the blanket statement of magic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying- I did, I had an aunt that would always give me wooden toys, and I'm like, you're fucking killing me here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, so for every like, uh, video of like a Jake Paul motherfucker like telling your children that Santa doesn't exist, there has to be videos of like some dad who got way too into Elf on a Shelf and like made a video of it walking around the house and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's got a lot of reindeer. Yeah, because admittedly it was... How did you guys... I remember like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of trying to call my parents out on it. And then they were, they were just like, they were like, yeah, no he's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents did that too, and my mom was like, well Santa knows what kind of wrapping paper, he wants it all to match. But again, the lie. It's like, how many lies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you just gotta say magic, dude. You just have to say magic over and over again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Annie Potts is back. I probably won't feel the same way because I wouldn't know all the deep cuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You say that she, like, hated porno afterwards or something, right? Sure. I think- This is why we need the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I ran into Peter North at a 24 hour fitness one, and I was like, I was like, how do I fucking know this guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember not loving it, so I don't remember anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel, I do feel like- I just watched The Grinch, uh, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My fucking god, it rules! It's just so much fucking fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The streaming wars, man, they're heating up. Everybody needs, needs that hot, hot content. Yea, I know. Peacock Rocks. No parents, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've watched three things on Disney Plus. Maybe two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tams only! Do we start a Patreon and then, uh, and then release our tasteful nudes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we, we should clean our act up guys, cause the last three or so episodes has been real cum heavy. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yolk on your face? Well first of all, I will say that Blake is the hands down the worst


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a poached egg that is the standard on avocado.


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[Assistant] Bringing, bringing the farts back. Uh, and I, and we only have two on file right now. Uhm, but right now I could bring both farts back just right now just so we can hear them again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at California, just, just up, just, everything's more expensive there. In, in Southern Europe.


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[Assistant] Well, no, that's fine, just, you know, he's spending his money in ways that make him happy, so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I just like fajitas. I like- I- I- Fajitas are dry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, okay, alright, give me, give me a little hat. You're paying to work. Yeah, I should. Cool. Yeah, exactly. It's fun. It's your passion. Fajitas are your passion. Uh, that's also why I like Korean barbecue. I like putting the meat on the grill myself. I like flipping it over like this.


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[Assistant] No, dude, my parents weren't rich. Sorry, rub it in, dude.


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[Assistant] Dude. I feel like I've always been, uhm,


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[Assistant] Just beating back obesity. So, uh, it's right there. Like it's on your porch, you're like, get out of here! Yeah, totally. I'm like, shoo, shoo, fly!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited to see that, that belly f-hang on Lake of the Ozarks here in a few weeks.


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[Assistant] It's not a Universal City, uh, Stunt, Stunt Show.


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[Assistant] Sorry, a tri-tune. There's an extra tune in there, guys. Woah, tune on. Okay. And, uh, and then there's a baspo-tune in case, you know, one of us gets an itchy butthole and wants to go fishing. Is that what you need?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just went fishing multiple days with my dad this past week in the Ozarks, and, uh, it's, and I did it both ways. I did it hungover, and I did it not hungover. Well, it was better. And I will say,


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[Assistant] Love it. Yeah, he's gonna be a little, I know he's gonna be like so pumped to see everyone.


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[Assistant] And classic divine maneuver is you go way too hard night one and then, uh, you're kind of burnt out by the next night. That's, that's going to be Dennis. Uh, but I know he's going to be frustrated because he can't, uh, his voice is shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he isn't going to be able to yell over us and we all know that the only way in our friendship group, the only way to get any kind of attention or to steer the conversation in any way is just to be the loudest motherfucker. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, you can get it, I'll give you the address, uh, off the pod, and you can send it right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they're gonna love that. Oh! They're gonna love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's send a ton of stuff to my, my parents house in New Zealand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think we are gonna be covered with sleeping arrangements. I think it's gonna be okay guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think that happens a lot in wrestling, like legacy is like a real thing.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's, that's, that's the start of a movie that we would all watch. It's this kid who peaked at age 11. That's like dude. A cool wrestler's sunglasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I watched a documentary on, on the plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About those Duke Lacrosse players who were charged with, not charged, but they were brought up on charges for raping this girl. Wait, what did you read about it? I watched the 30 for 30 documentary. And I had forgot about, I was just like, oh yea, all those rapists, those guys were rapists.


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[Assistant] And then it came out that she had just made it all up. Right.


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[Assistant] Worse thing in your life. To have that, to have that happen to you. Right. I mean, well no, but also being raped would maybe be the worst thing in your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that'd be a horrific situation. And now forever, like, if you, if your dream was to, you're a lacrosse player and you, it was to go to Duke, or you're the next generation of Duke lacrosse player, you're like, you have to transfer, you have to go somewhere else, right?


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[Assistant] Oh really? Pfizer didn't, uh, they're not, they didn't just pick up the Pfizer shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm. Okay. Uuuuh. No sir, I don't like- Interesting. Uh, well then yeah, if I was them, I wouldn't want the games there either. They're like, yo, we were way behind. We did not figure this shit out. Don't come here. Nah, don't.


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[Assistant] It's a global pandemic, it's just the race to who figures it out first.


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[Assistant] And technically, wasn't it like some Germans? Sometimes it is, sometimes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're gonna, Americans or whoever developed it is gonna poison us with this vaccine. They can do the tests from the vaccine, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but I mean National Pride has to take a backseat when like people are dying all over the place. Okay, hey-o. Hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how many, how long is this award show? It can't be that long. How many races are there to give awards out for?


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[Assistant] The Duke lacrosse case. The, uh. Is this like a live update? This is me just learning about an update.


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[Assistant] So the girl that accused these guys of rape, and it was like a huge thing, and as it should have been, but it was a huge thing, and then found out she lied, she was convicted of murder. She stabbed her boyfriend to death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, I'm just reading the Wikipedia, but I just thought that was an insane, uh, and, and it goes back to the bachelor party because- No, it doesn't. No, it does not at all. No, it does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And saw this thing, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna go near a stripper ever again in my life.


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[Assistant] And, and then all the little cross guys were like, no she wasn't. And then it was just a firestorm of people being like, what really happened? Fuck you! And then it came back that there was, like she went and got tested and all this and then it came back that nothing had happened and she admitted that she lied.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my pitch is we don't hire any strippers, but we do, uh, place bets, and whoever loses said bet, uh, has to strip for all of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then also, we, we, we got, uh, Ashland coming through. They're gonna give us like a palette of hard seltzers.


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[Assistant] The only thing that is dry is sometimes, not all the time, sometimes the chicken is dry. Never, the steak is never dry. It's never dry.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. Kyle's not only my favorite actor, he might be one of my favorite comedians too. Just his delivery is so spot on every time. I like how he's playing with uh, how close he gets to the camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I told you guys this before the podcast started, but the AC broke in my rental house that I'm renting here in Charleston. It is, I think like, it was 82 degrees when I stopped. It's so fucking hot right now. You got a fan? You got some fans?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Busted, so it's a no go. If I haven't been real chatty today, it's because I'm absolutely fucking miserable right now. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A window unit in the living room. And then our bedrooms were just absolutely fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like a, it was super old house and I guess it used to be a, uh, like a B&B.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like there was just tons of like other rooms that were just kind of oddly shaped because they, it was a super old house that they just would be like okay we'll split this room in half and make this weird little room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so, and so, uh, I had like a BB gun room, which is pretty tight. And I definitely locked myself in an old refrigerator down there and definitely thought I was gonna die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because she really wanted to hang out with me and my friend. So we would be like, oh, you have to initiate by climbing up. Specifically it was, you, you had to climb up this ladder to a balcony in my garage and then walk across this beam that connected the garage door to this balcony. Then turn around on that beam, jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Misses the last step, falls ten feet to her skull.


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[Assistant] Oh shit. Yeah, and had a huge goose egg on her skull. And that's why she's cross-eyed.


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[Assistant] And do you have a fart brewed up, because you did say that you're gonna make us proud, even though, couldn't care less. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If yours was coming at me specifically, then you took the brunt of it. You were like, you f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was shooting a, a bullet at me, and you dove right, and you took it to your chest, and I want to thank Blake for doing that. Yea man, anytime. Cause I didn't have, I didn't have the energy today, you know? I'm sweating over here, my palms are all sweaty, it's wet underneath here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would just like to, uh, thank you guys for carrying the load, this, this specific podcast. Uh, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm wet over here, I'm sweating whilst just sitting here, it is like 86 degrees, uh, and uh,


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should do one where we start very quiet, just, just like, not how we normally start, just, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This time. Yeah, can we talk about Lil Nas X? Cause he did something like Nahi tweakin', right? Like you guys know about this, Nahi tweakin'. Okay, go Kyle. I love this from you. Let's hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard one of my buddies looked it up and he said it was something in response to like Tony Hawk's, uh, blood board where he actually put like blood into the skateboard and then Will Nas X was like nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and he was like, nah, he tweaking. Liquid death, a sponsor. And so now I guess everybody just throws, nah, he tweaking in the comment sections. And it's f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I haven't posted on Instagram in almost a year or so and I threw a photo up the other day and within 15 minutes I looked at it and I had 8 nah he tweekens and I fucking thought I got doxed or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro. Were you high for this? Yeah. Bro. What was going on? What do you think? To quote The Weeknd, were you high for this? Bro, yeah. So you were tweaking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was- So you were tweakin'? It actually got me tweakin', it's so true.


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[Assistant] I can't remember what it was, I gotta scroll through. It might have been a picture of me with the Oakleys on from the battery party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one knows Kiss made a comic book. Are you sure it was Kiss though? Are you sure? Cause I thought this was, I thought this was Glenn Danzig that did this shit. Danzig used to fucking draw with his blood. It was the Knights. Everybody's putting blood.


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[Assistant] I think these are collector's items. I'm allowed to say that your vibe is tweaking.


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[Assistant] Okay, alright, so that's a no then, or?


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[Assistant] It's fuckin' with your face. Yeah dude. And the Wi- your Wi-Fi is a lil' chunkin' by the way. Yeah, you- you definitely, definitely chunko.


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[Assistant] Right, in 1928 they didn't have internet. True. Well, it was beta. That's a big part of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hawaii rules. It's so good. It's the best. I love it. Uh, the weather's fantastic. I went to a nice dinner last night. First nice dinner since, like, COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and I had, uh, let's see here, so since the bachelor party I've had salmon, I've had lobster, I've had ahi, I have had more salmon, and some crab, bro, some crab. I'M PISSED NOW!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, are you hitting the gnar gnar banks or what? I hope so. I really do hope so. I know I'm doing some boogie boarding and I'm also doing some, uh, bodyboarding, but I have like four kids with me that I'm like entertaining on the daily. Like this morning we had like a dance party. That was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boogie boarding is, is with the board. Body boarding, your fucking washboard abs are the board, bro. Oh no, that's body surfing. Also body boarding. It's the same thing. Same deal. They call it body boarding? I don't know, I could be wrong. I'm wrong about a lot of these things.


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[Assistant] Alright, we'll wait. You're a stupid dumbass.


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[Assistant] And, and trying to eat and trying to hit deadlines because there were days when some of like our whole art department didn't show up when we were trying to build the sets because there was a dope swell and they didn't want to go to the other side of the island and all that good stuff. And I mean, and the moment it was a bummer, but when I think back on it, I respect the fuck out of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean pine nuts? Those are seeds. You're trippin' dog. The fuck are pine nuts? You've never had a pine nut?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just me? Is it just me? No, no, no, no. I mean, you're a hornball for sure, but like we all were. I mean, I had the issue of not being able to masturbate and then I compounded on top of that. I had the other issue of smoking cigarettes because I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I would somehow find them. I don't know how I did it. I would somehow find these smokes, and I would like keep them, and I would have like a little stash, and I would-


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[Assistant] It was, it was not a great thing for me, but it did shape me. It shaped me, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. We, we've evolved past it. What were we thinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we're talking like 300 years from now, 500 years from now, they're gonna be like, what the fuck were they doing? They were just constantly raising animals to kill in the worst circumstances. Well, we won't be in charge then, the robots will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you could pull up like the MOC website old, old files and pictures and it looks exactly like that dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like a theory that is just going against what we had before, like when we were growing up we had Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect, right? Thank you. Yes. That was kinda like, you can't change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can't change, like a butterfly flaps its wings and then everything else after that is what it is. Now we're challenging that theory with the multiverse concept.


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[Assistant] I'm Team Butterfly Effect, man. Dude, that movie rocks, and I'm not being ironic, that movie fucking kicks butt. That movie fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you should watch it. I mean, when I watched it, I was blown the fuck away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah. Is that what it is? But Adam, Adam doesn't watch Act 3, he only watches The Rise. Right. Yeah, I don't like the- Remember with Blow, we established he only watches the fun part and then turns it off as soon as it gets sour.


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[Assistant] It's not too long. Yeah, Friday the 13th they like kick it in a van and it's like a nightmare on Elm. What's that? I don't know.


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[Assistant] I'm saying four. I'm saying four. I think it was post film school for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, can you, can you give me a little, can you give me a little like what, what is frailty? Just give me the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what is it? No, it's, it's, wait, hold on, let's go, wait, it's, what is it? Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ghost in the Darkness is Hayley Joel Osment and Two Lions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's- No, it's Val Kilmer in like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was, I'm pretty sure it was like a cover version of the song, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we lived together and we smoked a lot of fucking weed when we lived together in 2004, so like possibly you didn't clock anything. Damn! Yeah man, I still do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snapchat memory could be the weed's adverse effects on your particular body chemistry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh, okay. It's like, uh, okay, that's cool. You might have the COVID foggy brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just turn it off. See, that's what I think about too. I think about Johnny Depp in the old man prosthetics walking through jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a sad moment. Yeah, how's Johnny Depp doing? Is he hanging in there? Johnny Depp? He's been out of the news for about a decade, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got lost in the sauce. Did you guys know that he was in- he's in a band? Where he actually- Stardog? Yea, like Hollywood Vampires or something? Yea, he actually rips on the guitar. You can watch some, uh- He rips. Yea, well he- I mean he pulls it off. He pulls it off. He doesn't rip like Jack White. Big difference, big difference. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say rip, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that I'm right. No, it's like, I wish I could put you up into my suitcase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, the other actor from Gladiator, uh, great band, Joaquin Phoenix, I'm still here. It's, uh, Phantom Planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I was saying, Joaquin. It's like he had a rap career. Jennifer Hudson? Like... Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we've had guests, we've had other people speak on microphones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't that all, like, the Garden State soundtrack really fucking popped a lot of that, right? And that was 2004, I think. Yeah, shout out to Natalie Portman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't seen Weezer in years, but I feel like I saw them like, like three times, like right out of high school, like just, it was all Weezer'd. Say it, Ainsley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is an ectomorph? I heard you say that, I don't know what that is, and I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's Mesomorph again? That's the V. Like what you want, classically handsome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uh, yeaah, I'd like to apologize for getting Second Hand Lions and Ghost in the Darkness mixed up. Those are two completely different films. Uh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it? Also, just watch Blow again. Oh, dude. Oh, what's this? OH. OH. SHIT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on, sit down, let's roll some loud and let's smoke this and let's talk for a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just in control of the money. Yes, and I think what's like- But how is he supposed to live? I mean, what's the- I'm not saying what he's doing is correct. Wait a minute. I'm not saying what he's doing is correct, but like, what is the limit? What's he supposed to be doing? Is he supposed to be driving Corollas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And wait, are we saying that like, if, are we saying that if you can dance and lip sync a concert every night that you're a sound person? Or like that you are able to be a parent? Like that's the thing. It's like when she's out there dancing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or maybe he's reinvented himself, like he didn't want to be the guy that he was and this is his new thing, like how uhm, what was it, like Alec Baldwin's wife had like a fake accent? That whole thing? Did she?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really know the details, details, but apparently his wife grew up in like New Jersey or something but had like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going with Cheryl. Oh no, that was not- Yo, we have to talk about Superdaze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Also known as Albert Brooks. Blake and I went to Super Dave's house. What? We did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were like, yo, like, why don't we go to Super Dave and see if we can make Blake be the torch bearer of the Super Dave franchise and be the son of Super Dave, Super David Junior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be essentially like the same tone, same everything, but more like ex-gamey because of Blake's hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And first of all, super nice fucking guy. Super Dave is super nice. Super nice, yeaah. Super nice Osborn. We had a whole pitch where it was gonna be like, he was in the pilot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, welcome to the deathbed. And it turns out the deathbed is actually like a contraption that like throws him. Right? And that's why it's called the deathbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, uh, and so we kinda had this, this like arc for the season and like, whatever, and he was like, I love it, I think that's funny. What if we did a sketch show instead though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was right after that time. Yeah, yeah. That's possible. Yeah, yeah. And so, so his name is Bob Einstein. His brother is named Albert Einstein, who later changed his names to Albert Brooks. Albert Brooks, famous filmmaker, uh, legend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, who names their kid Albert Einstein? Well...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So his dad, their dad, was a super funny guy back in the day, like uhm. Like Catskill comedian type? Type, yes. That whole, that whole crew of like, what is it, Bob Hope? Like that era, Lucille Ball? So he apparently was like the funniest dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then was like radio, like way back. And then they did the roast of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. I believe this is what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he kinda came out of like, retirement for this and they were like, oh shit, uh, so and so Einstein's about to kill it. And he did the roast, shut down the fucking house, was the funniest guy, sat down, sat back down on the dais, and died. What? Oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went out on top. Killed it, died, uhm, at the roast. Like right then and there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a mockumentary of an Evil Knievel type character. Right, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and he was just a chain smoking dude that would jump cars on his motorcycle and almost die. Total psychopath. In a leather cape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Super Dave would do these Fox one hour specials where the whole episode is like just leading up to one big stunt that he's gonna do and like going over it with like how they did it, how they designed it, like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's very funny. And then at the end, the stunt just always goes completely wrong and you see like a dummy get crushed by like a monster truck or whatever. Yes. And that was it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess Super Dave became a show in Canada for several seasons that I don't, I don't think we got access to. But like, but watch his talk show appearances on like Letterman. He's so brutal to the audience, Bob Einstein, where like he'll be telling a story and people will laugh and he'll go, can you be quiet? I'm in the middle of a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to say it was $800 when it came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So listen to this though, I was listening to LL's uh, XM station rock the bells, like this is probably six months ago and I remember it because I was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so like ladies in the house say hey, fellas say ho, like all that. And then it was like, the dude basically said what DaBaby said, he goes like, if the fellas in the house got HIV, be quiet. And they were like, rawr, like if the ladies in the house got AIDS, don't make a sound. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, this is like peak AIDS, right? So like, he's just, he's doing, it's almost a public service announcement. I just want to make sure everyone's clean in here. But the fact that they played this shit, just six months ago, I was like, nobody screened this? This is crazy. And then I heard this and I was like, I've heard this before. This is like throwback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could have been the guy that goes, the baby, maybe not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get Ja Rule on the phone. He's got a great smile. He's the best smile in hip hop for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time out. Or do you let him do like a PR stunt where like, his character has AIDS, and he plays that, and he's like, now I get it, like. Ohhhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it'll grind it to a halt, people are living with AIDS, I think it's fine, like, this is Steve, got AIDS, uh, this is my friend over here, he's, uh, everyone has an affliction that you have to say, like, when you introduce them in the movie. As you should, as you always should. Arthritis Tony, this is Asthma Annie. COVID Carly. And they're all wearing affliction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never seen it. You've never seen Philadelphia? No, I just rocked the Bruce Springsteen song. Oh my, it's Tom Hanks and Denzel, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't it crazy though, like the walking in on somebody watching something? Isn't it crazy that whenever you would rent a movie as a kid, or be watching a movie, without fail, your parents would walk in at the exact worst moment of every movie? What the fuck is that? How was that? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what do you guys want? Whoa, okay, uhm. Probably turn this off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. My dinner times were so crazy because there was, so we had like a kitchen where the kids sat at like the um, counter and then there was a table that my parents sat at that was separate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, so that's the kitchen. We had a dining room, and sometimes we would all eat at the table there. But so, we would eat, and then afterwards, me and my brothers, my dad would be like, put your chairs up against the wall, and then he would just like, interview us about our day. That's what we had to do at our table too.


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[Assistant] I think I've said this, we do, uh, rose thorn bud, which is like, the best thing, the best thing of your day, the worst thing of your day, and then the thing you're looking forward to.


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[Assistant] Yo, and then this is more, this is more insight into my family. When we all went to Yosemite for, uh, my 40th, as like my parents, my brothers, uh, significant others, my family, we, I was like, Hey, like, let's do it. And I, I, there's, I'm, I think I have way more, and you guys are laugh, emotional, like con, like,


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[Assistant] Like, I'm way more emotional than people in my family.


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[Assistant] He's truly an android. You are a cyborg, so. Yea, he's an alien. So I go, hey, let's do this thing my family does called Roast Thorn Bud. And, yo.


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[Assistant] My, my, it was crazy. And your dad's like, what the fuck? No, no, no. Opposite. Opposite. Oh, dad, let it go. Yes.


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[Assistant] Couldn't do it. Eric. Couldn't do it. He was, no, Ollie. He was like, Ollie couldn't do it? I'm blowing up people's spots now, but yea yea. Couldn't do it.


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[Assistant] Will you put that hat on, Kyle? What's up? Will you put that hat on right there?


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[Assistant] Hey, Blake, real quick, this is a real quick thing and I want to get back to Teddy. Blake, will you just freeze for one moment, don't move. I want someone to take a screenshot of this and then CGI or Photoshop out his long hair, just so we can see what Blake looks like with the short hair there. Oh, is that Wave?


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[Assistant] Like you look like a California, like a Southern California 90s, 1990s surfer from like the real world LA guy. I'll take that. Cut your head off.


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[Assistant] We were like the rich kid and the kid from like the projects were like, I guess we're more like than we thought. And they became homies in the pilot. City Guys was so good. Weren't they, did they work at a radio station together? City Guys? They weren't at prep school together in the city. Oh, maybe they did.


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[Assistant] Google Anthony Anderson basketball show. I'm surprised, I'm surprised I haven't done that. Hang time. Hang time.


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[Assistant] No, it wasn't Nick News. Like the more you know kind of thing? Where they would just be on those bleachers like, yo, so what is voting? And she'd be like, I'm glad you asked.


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[Assistant] How tan? When you were kids, you'd get so tan, and then like you get older, you're like, what happened to the tan I was getting summertime?


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[Assistant] Although, I don't know, these doctors, they might be just saying it's COVID and it could be, uh. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I wanna, uh, do, I don't know what we would call this, but I wanna dig a little deeper. Are you, Kyle, are you filming something with Teddy right now?


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[Assistant] You find, you find chargers for your car up there?


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[Assistant] Yeah, the whole thing is that when, when you pedal, it turns on to assist you. And so there's like, there's like level one, two and three, and that increases like the percentage of power behind your pedaling. When you stop pedaling, it stops.


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[Assistant] Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Hell yeaah. It's great. Thank you Specialized. Follow your nose. I bought some New Jerseys. I'm ready to rock.


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[Assistant] What you guys have known about me is that I've never really been embarrassed by...


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[Assistant] Wearing the, uh, the kit, the gear for certain things, you know? Absolutely. For running, the shorts have always been short.


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[Assistant] A lot of people probably don't know that we synchronize clap before every podcast. And, uh, I think that was our best one. I agree with you, Dyrs. That was one of our best synchronized claps. Good work.


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[Assistant] That's, uh, Jackie Black. That's Jackie Blacky.


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[Assistant] What is the premise of Ladybugs? Break it down for us, Blakey.


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[Assistant] This is important. You saying you can demonstrate, but I don't think that you are actually gonna do it. So yea, I'd love to see it.


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[Assistant] And then a few plums. Oh, now it makes some peaches.


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[Assistant] And stinky. Right. Those are like funeral flowers. Ours were like, surprise, here's some flowers. Yeah, ours are birthday flowers. Oh, even better than birthday. You're right, they are just because.


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[Assistant] So if you were a comic or an actor that posted with Conan, uh, about his last day,


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[Assistant] Evidently it was Conan's last week, sorry. I actually stopped watching a while ago, but, uh, I used to watch quite a bit. You keep it surreal.


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[Assistant] Well, Jay Leno was in some movies before and I think he was, I think he would even say that he wasn't like a great actor.


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[Assistant] Right. Well, Anna, producer Anna is saying that he's a deal with HBO Max to do something.


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[Assistant] I remember that from like the deep part of the back.


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[Assistant] Multiple times? Here's my question, here's my question to Blake and Kyle. What? If you guys like, uh, Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering and shit like that, this is the version of it that you could just sit and watch.


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[Assistant] But what do you do when you are on, uh, on, you're in Canada, you're shooting a show, you're all by yourself for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks at a time. He eats.


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[Assistant] It was the biggest hit in television for, since ever. It was like the biggest show. How many seasons? How many seasons was it? So, I wanna say six or something.


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[Assistant] So, I mean, I think you guys are in the minority when you think this. Yea, 100%.


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[Assistant] I just, we've established that my memory is like Snapchat. It's just, I'll watch something, I'll like it, and immediately forget it. Now, could I tell you the plot of Game of Thrones? I could watch Game of Thrones all the way through, end it.


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[Assistant] Start it again, watch it all the way through, and still like it just the same because I won't remember what's about to happen. Maybe I'll jump back in it. I won't.


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[Assistant] So when I asked you if you like the end, you said yet, like you- No, I remember the end because, because that was like a sticking point for people when people were like, oh I fucking hated it, and I was like, I actually kinda liked it, I thought it was cool. It's what no one thought was gonna happen. And then they were like, this is what's, this is what's happening.


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[Assistant] Khaleesi bro. Aren't people like naming their kids Khaleesi?


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[Assistant] Okay, Greg. God, these ideas are great. I just wish, I just wish I didn't let Greg watch my cat when I was out of town.


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[Assistant] Hey, did you guys know that Jeffrey Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer, uh, serial killer, uh, my twin, he, he drilled in people's heads and then he'd pour, uh, McBride was telling me this, he poured, uh,


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[Assistant] I saw season 2, but that was a while ago. I want to say that was like before Pandemic. So they should, I wonder if Pandemic shut them down and, and, and that's why we're.


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[Assistant] Blake, if you got a role as like a crazy serial killer would you, and they're like, but we expect we want him bald, would you shave your head? What would it take for you to shave your head?


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[Assistant] Okay, so first of all, hang on, you don't watch Game of Thrones? You don't watch Game of Thrones? And High School Musical?


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[Assistant] No, here's, here's the real thing. If we could set them up with a thriller fight club, and it could be, uh, a high school musical.


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[Assistant] Verse Men in Black. Men in Black has Tommy Lee Jones. Pretty old. Pretty old. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, but he whoops-a-may.


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[Assistant] You've got him and Will Smith, right? And it would be verse Zac Efron.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm like a little disgusted that you've seen all of them and none of Game of Thrones. I mean, that's, you're trying real hard to be alt and edgy and, uh, and it's not working, dawg.


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[Assistant] 7 or 8 years now. And, you know, it's a lot of money that I've invested and a lot of time I've invested watching the Clippers. They finally made the Western Conference Finals. Game 3, it's a big deal. The only time that we could do the podcast is right now. So what I'm doing is I'm double-dipping.


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[Assistant] And this is what I have to do. I have to watch the clippers and talk to my friends during the podcast. And this is what's happening. And the clippers are up one.


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[Assistant] Oh, we're gonna get into the scheduling nightmare? This week was a scheduling nightmare for us because, uh, we're all twerking, we're all working, and twerking.


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[Assistant] And uh, it was a lot to get this one in this week, because our fans need it.


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[Assistant] Uh, you do know that, uh, next week, next Tuesday, is Take Your Kid to Work Day, nationally.


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[Assistant] Uh, like I'll see photos and be like, oh yeaah, kinda. Well like people will all the time say something to me that's way off the cuff.


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[Assistant] That's, you said that. That's you. And I'm like, what? And then they have to like back explain, and then they're disappointed. And I'm like, I'm sorry, we said a lot of shit in that show. There's a lot of stuff.


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[Assistant] And you never know what someone's gonna like, you know that they're gonna grab a hold of like the big catchphrases, the tight buttholes, the... Are you ready for that? The let's go, those kind of things. Right. But like the deep cuts...


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[Assistant] It's cause it's like when you watch a show with a group of friends, like one little thing might stick out to you guys and then you say that to each other all the time and then you come to us and we don't know what you're talking about a lot of times.


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[Assistant] Well that's, uh, Chester Tam to explain, he was in, he was like an, a friend of, uh, the guys from Lonely Island. Mmhm, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and he was their, their homie, and he was in a lot of their sketches, and he's a funny guy, he's a, a writer now, and he, uh, he, what skit, uh, was it that he said over back?


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[Assistant] Uh, they're flowers. Because they were the very first sketch group that, uh, we were working with Kyle's friend that was helping us edit, um, one of our early videos.


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[Assistant] And he was like, I knew these guys when I went to school in Berkeley that are now gonna be on SNL. And we were like, holy shit.


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[Assistant] Uh, that's awesome. He's like, yeah, they have videos online. Check them out. And he queued up YouTube.