[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the Queen signals when her conversation is over to her staff by moving her purse from her left arm to her right arm. It means, I'm tired of this guy, it's time to move on. Well, that's a very good secret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She wears bold colors on purpose so people in the crowd can spot her easily.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that is a huge crowd so you can easily spot her from a distance. Uh, the royal family cannot vote or publicly express any opinion on political matters.


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[Assistant] According to the documentary, Serving the Royals Inside the Firm. That's what it's called, the firm.


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[Assistant] His shoelaces are pressed flat with an iron and he has his butler squeeze one inch of toothpaste on his toothbrush each morning.


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[Assistant] At Christmas time, if you're a guest of the Queen, you have to, they weigh you.


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[Assistant] You have to weigh yourself before and after you leave.


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[Assistant] If you gain weight, that shows like you enjoyed your stay.


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[Assistant] I mean maybe, but I think it's very few people get invited. I think Meghan Markle's mom was like the last new person to come for Christmas dinner and so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the royal family doesn't eat shellfish because of the threat of food poisoning.


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[Assistant] So there's a whole in-depth process of when the Queen dies, like the whole procedure. Once the doctor says she's dead, the Queen's private secretary calls the Prime Minister and says, London Bridge is down. That's the code word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so once they say London Bridge is down, then they call the 15 other


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Commonwealth governments that we looked at on the map, let them know. And then I'll press out, let's get a news release all at the same time. But at the exact same moment, in keeping with royal tradition, a footman in mourning, in mourning clothes comes outside with a notice and hangs out on the gate of Buckingham Palace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's very old tradition and at the same time the royal family website also has an announcement on their website. Then Prince Charles becomes king.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, obviously there's some celebrities if they died suddenly, it'd be shocking.


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[Assistant] No. There was one time where the king and queen ruled together. William and Mary.


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[Assistant] In this case they made an exception. The king was Catholic and they didn't like that.


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[Assistant] So his daughter was a devout Protestant, so they overthrew, her husband helped overthrow the king and let her become queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, she didn't really want to rule that much either. I'm probably getting part of this wrong. So since he helped overthrow, they just said, let's rule together. And they just ruled as king and queen, William and Mary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's, I think the second oldest college in the country is William & Mary.


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[Assistant] Uhm, so TV viewership of these weddings is one of the most watched events ever in history. The most watched of any royal thing was Diana's funeral.


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[Assistant] Okay. No, I think Olympics and mash at 106 million.


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[Assistant] For, we talked about this on the TV episode, for American viewership, Super Bowls and MASH are the top things, but for worldwide, it's Olympics, it's World Cups, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was one of the recent Olympics, maybe the 2012 Olympics.


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[Assistant] I looked up 1997, it was like five something billion I think. I mean dude.


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[Assistant] And keep in mind, this is twenty-something years ago, uh, so there's a lot more people.


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[Assistant] I was in Memphis. We went- You were covering it? Well, I was working at a TV station. But I went there for fun because the Tennessee Oilers played in Memphis in 97. It was the season opener. And so I went up there to stay with a buddy of mine. And we went out on Saturday night. I'd never been to Memphis and went out on Bill Street. And before we left that night, we'd already got word that


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[Assistant] Crash had happened and I think maybe her boyfriend Dodie or whatever had already passed away. Then we went out.


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[Assistant] That night on bill street and then we got back late that night. The news was saying she died. I just remember it was so shocking.


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[Assistant] This'll sound bad, but a few weeks later Chris Farley died, and I remember that effected me more. Oh, that's pretty good.


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[Assistant] Also at 2 billion, but History Channel said it was 2.5 billion.


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[Assistant] I don't even know what, there's something on there, Sati, Satomi, Jayatar, Season 1, I don't even know what that is.


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[Assistant] Do you think now with so many people just watch stuff online that can even track at the same?


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you think about an event that you just like, COVID is probably the craziest thing that's happened in our lifetime, but still for just a singular event, where were you? You're not going to think about COVID. You think about 9-11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, members of the royal family, uh, they have to walk in in line of succession. So Prince Philip always had to walk behind Queen Elizabeth. Yeah. But, uh, so it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like Prince Charles' wife has to walk behind him. But then if they all like walking together, it's, well now it would just be Queen Elizabeth, but then Charles, then his wife, then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're in Naples, flap to Nashville, come to my 4 o'clock show, you'll be back down for his.


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[Assistant] The other two people are like trying, they can't get it. He's just beating them just down here.


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[Assistant] I was getting so mad, I finally just quit. I was like, I'm done, dude.


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[Assistant] There's an Amish family in the hotel and there's, you know, there's a computer like in the, uh, in the lobby, like a little business center and I'm walking past this Amish guy on the computer. He's got Google up and he had just typed in girls.


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[Assistant] All us folks were the first ones to do it. Did you know that that's the University of West Virginia or West Virginia University? That's their, I mean, that's their legit slogan.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I got tagged in a bunch of stuff on Instagram. It's just West Virginia. Let's go.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's a legit, they have a trademark. Let's go trademark. Wow. So they could be the first. They could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a little more info on the West Virginia's Let's Go.


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[Assistant] So how long would you say that this has been going on, that this has been a problem?


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[Assistant] So last fall, October of 2020, West Virginia sent let's go flags to all the incoming freshmen.


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[Assistant] Yeah. People are using LFG as a hashtag five, six years ago. Yeah. I feel like it got, it got brought into the mainstream.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You think if you're a kid, when I would go to the ballpark as a kid, I would go in with the mentality that I have to earn a foul ball. I have to go get it.


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[Assistant] I remember when Montgomery, when we got the biscuits.


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[Assistant] And I think part of, a lot of people were kind of embarrassed because it was just, it's so silly and over the top. And then, you know, Huntsville's got the trash pandas now. That's kind of the name of the game. That's what it was. He said the trash pandas.


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[Assistant] So I told him I'm going to come by and, uh, meet him then. So I'll ask him the Tony Guinn question.


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[Assistant] Uh, well I know what's coming up. Cause you have another tragedy.


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[Assistant] It's weird that it's become that because I remember when it was the cool thing to get. I remember waiting till I was in high school so I could get one.


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[Assistant] And now it's, uh, these young kids, they don't even have Instagram. They're past Instagram now.


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[Assistant] I feel like you don't need a word for it. They can just say we gotta get off.


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[Assistant] It's so funny cause I came away this weekend with these. I was, I was on the flight this morning and I was like, air travel is amazing.


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[Assistant] And we take it for granted. When you think, that's so cheesy. When you think about that Brian was in Pennsylvania.


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[Assistant] I was in New York State this morning, and now we're all here. This was 100 years ago, we'd never seen each other ever again. Ever again.


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[Assistant] There is a slim chance. I think you'd give up. You'd just start a new life in, uh, in Pittsburgh.


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[Assistant] Uh, I took it going the wrong way at like one or two in the morning, went the wrong way. I was in an empty train. I thought it was so much fun. I took a picture of myself. I was like, this is hilarious. And then I'm.


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[Assistant] I'm in the Bronx. Had to hop around, go to the other side and come back. I figured it out. Felt like a real New Yorker. Yeah. You know?


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[Assistant] It's a good feeling. Once you understand how it works, you're like, oh, this is pretty sweet. You can just kind of hop around places super easily.


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[Assistant] And we'll show you a little bit what it looks like. It is kind of, uh, silly looking.


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[Assistant] These are the best speed walkers in the world, right?


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[Assistant] You can't have both feet off the ground at the same time. So there can only be one foot in the air. That's the technical definition of walking.


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[Assistant] This is a sport that's interesting to me. I mean, are there high school teams with speed walking programs? How do you get into this?


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[Assistant] Do y'all do that? I immediately change kilometer at a mile in my head, even though it's not exactly the same.


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[Assistant] I think that this person's wrong about this. I think that freestyle.


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[Assistant] When it's a freestyle competition, they just put limitations on the certain the strokes that you can do.


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[Assistant] Now there's a type of stroke that's the fastest that, that's called the freestyle, freestyle stroke. People call it that, but you can do whatever you want. But does everyone do that stroke? Yeaah, because it's the fastest one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, because it's the one everybody does because it is the fastest, fastest one.


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[Assistant] I think they have some limitations I think that don't let you do some of them for some reason.


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[Assistant] I don't feel like they've used enough. Yeah, goofball. You know what's a good one? Blockhead. Blockhead? Yea. Doesn't that sound good? Yea.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, it's got a, it's too clunky. Now you're going to come across a situation where it'll sound good. I believe. Yeah. I believe in it.


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[Assistant] That early, right? Probably like, yeaah. Just recognizing. Uh, sure.


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[Assistant] Scooter Braun. Scooter Braun. Scooter Braun. And then linked him up with Usher, I think. Yeah. But you just recognized this guy's gonna be a next level talent years from now? Yeah. Or pretty soon, but yeah. Crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Harry Potter written on a napkin too, did you know that? Oh really? Started on a napkin. A lot of stuff happens on napkins. Yeah. You should carry a notepad around with you. It's a big napkin. If you're a writer. You'd write the whole book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And do we, do we know what all the distinctions are between these different types of bodies of water? A golf versus a...


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[Assistant] Anyway. I think I could eyeball it. Yeaah, it's almost like you know what it is when you see it on a map. But like, is there-


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[Assistant] Okay, okay, Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic.


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[Assistant] What is, uh, is it going to be like, I can't believe you missed that one. Am I going to get trashed for?


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[Assistant] But if we had missed like Pacific, we would look silly. But I'm saying this is the hard one.


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[Assistant] It's just uncomfortable up there. Yeah. It's always hot. It's too cold. Like an attic. There's no airflow.


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[Assistant] There's no up or down in space. So Antarctica could be, you could think of Antarctica.


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[Assistant] So this is, we got Pangea pulled up. This is what it, so this is where the Atlantic ocean is right here. It's just kind of a.


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[Assistant] So eventually, P&G, this will all join together again, but on the other end.


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[Assistant] And the Pacific Ocean will be a... Pangea is the supercontinent before they all broke up.


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[Assistant] You can go from DC to Morocco, like that. Just like that. Just take the bridge. You don't even need a bridge.


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[Assistant] They brought along the New Guineas. There's Papa New Guinea. There's Papa New Guinea. Came down there.


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[Assistant] Wow. Is a sea just a part of an ocean? That's what it feels like.


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[Assistant] Was the poster better than the movie?


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[Assistant] Can you imagine popping your ears down there? How good that must feel?


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[Assistant] You think they tried to, they tried to keep going down?


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[Assistant] Okay. So just most of it's underwater, so we don't care about it.


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[Assistant] Do you have blonde tips to them too? No, I did that once. You're going all out.


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[Assistant] I woulda guessed thousands of years to get out there.


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[Assistant] Didn't get stuck in the ice.


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[Assistant] When you think about messages in a bottle, what a last resort that is. Who does that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it looks like all the stories are like, you find it a hundred years later. No, it isn't this neat.


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[Assistant] But I was thinking, you know, I'm stranded on this island. My longitude and latitude is this. Come help me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, maybe develop a water system first before you throw out the message in a bottle.


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[Assistant] This says after 11 days in the hospital, after he was saved, he was diagnosed with a fear of water. That'd be a tough one to have, stranded at sea. Fear of water. I'm terrified of water by the way.


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[Assistant] I don't like the ocean. I don't like swimming in it.


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[Assistant] So let's say the three of us are on a plane somewhere, it crashes, the three of us are stranded on an island. What's the approach?


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[Assistant] I mean, do we just defer, does Nate the leader or do we, is there seniority or what's my role? How can I help out the three of us?


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[Assistant] Will there be a Speed 3? Keanu Reeves reportedly returning for Speed 3.


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[Assistant] You swim like endurance. Okay. Speed. Speed. Okay.


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[Assistant] Yep. He also thought manatees were mermaids. So.


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[Assistant] Okay, so it's not something supernatural, it's a, it's a...


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[Assistant] Do planes fly over the Bermuda Triangle? I think they do.


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[Assistant] One knee up and then you slam into it. It's a big splash.


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[Assistant] Oh, bigger for sure. Really? I think so. When I did it at least.


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[Assistant] You did flips? I did all kinds of flips, man. Really? What did you do with the water? Uh, pool's different. Yeah. You know, you can see what's going on in the pool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, no, no, I wouldn't do that. Have you ever got on a hideout? No. No.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm, the diving board I'm talking about is like, I don't know, three feet off the ground.


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[Assistant] It gives you backflip. It's, you know, wherever, wherever it hits the water, you just kind of deal with it. You don't really have a plan. You're just, I'm going to go around until I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, it's that bad, three times, twice the size of that. I don't know if it's all that thick, but the whole area is.


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[Assistant] It's about garbage concentration per square kilometer.


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[Assistant] So a lot of this what we consider the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is like one pound of trash per square kilometer. Yeah.


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[Assistant] That's way bigger than I thought it was. That's a pretty big dead zone.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but if you looked at this and it was like, well, this just means that one pound is dead for every square.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, Wednesday, August 18th, I'm headlining Zany's here in Nashville. Brian's doing it too. If you want to come see some of the Nate Land crew coming out to Zany's here in Nashville.


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[Assistant] Where Brian and I are headlining the same club back to back weekends. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's O'Fallon, Missouri, backdoor comedy club.


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[Assistant] Back to back. I'm there this weekend. Brian's the next weekend.


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[Assistant] I know. I was just thinking it's crazy to think about. In my head, I'm, like your bit, I'm like, I think I'm like them. Nah, they're 15, 15 years younger than me. 15, 16 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty good. I like that they specified personality wise as if I'd think you meant physically.


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[Assistant] No, that's holding on legion of skanks. We heard it from another perspective.


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[Assistant] But if you need to, if you wanna have people to talk about it with, there's a...


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[Assistant] Like a cheat sheet almost of all the terms. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd, you'd be good at that job. It's like spinning and reading through people's excuses. I feel like, I can't come by. You'd be like, yeah, but you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I feel like you would talk me into it in like three questions like that.


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[Assistant] To go from fake crying to being like, all right, I'll come to that quick.


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[Assistant] Well, that's, that's so funny that they're in a class where we've got to communicate to the general public. I mean, look what we're dealing with here. These are the people we're informing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's awesome. I would love for you to use it. You've been a, you've, we've been a source in a, in a paper and now you're getting played in college classes, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they have their own lot, they might have a sign or two. You know?


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[Assistant] You just gotta attend your track, it's called, and then you eventually get there.


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[Assistant] Yeah. He might have some underlying conditions.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I got a sofa from a traditional department store and it took almost seven months to get to my house. They just kept calling.


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[Assistant] We're delayed trying to get it in China during COVID and all this stuff. It was a nightmare.


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[Assistant] Humanitarian? Yeah. Okay. Who? Yeah. Which one?


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[Assistant] What about him? Was I not saying that right? You, we got there eventually. Yeah. And then you went back and then we got back.


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[Assistant] No, I think the current ones. Cause they added.


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[Assistant] What's that? I thought the age thing had changed, but I guess not.


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[Assistant] The modern, for the modern age. You can go in all time.


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[Assistant] Now I was in the, uh, there's a show on HBO called John Adams, which is awesome about, about that. And I think Adam's last words were Jefferson lives.


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[Assistant] Uh, they had a really complicated and long relationship and they just really respected each other and I don't know.


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[Assistant] I'm sure if you take history classes, American history. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's pretty amazing to me how we were, when America was founded, we were like, we're going to form a democracy, get away from this oppressive monarchy.


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[Assistant] And then we have a, we have a father-son presidency that quickly.


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[Assistant] John Quincy Adams and John Adams, like we're already double dipping on these families. Like we don't have enough.


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[Assistant] Who's who? I know it was a crazy party that was going on.


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[Assistant] He would go around and read it to people, because people couldn't read.


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[Assistant] Oh, good for him. Yeah. Defending his family's honor.


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[Assistant] Uh, duels are usually about a matter of honor. The goal of a duel is not usually to kill the opponent, but to restore the honor of the man who declared the duel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are exceptions, there are legal exceptions for, for murder and, and, you know, for assault. It's like consider this thing, declare a duel and all bets are off. You can do whatever you want in the duel. I think there are some actual countries now where there are still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of exceptions for duels, but they're, people don't do them anymore, but they're still in the law technically. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Now you, you just have to agree on the rules beforehand. So everyone could do it a little differently. When you think about a duel like the Wild West where you walk ten


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[Assistant] 10 steps and then turn around and then it's like quick draw.


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[Assistant] That's it, that's just, they've agreed on those rules, but I don't know if like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Andrew Jackson's duels went like that. Probably not. You can do it with a knife too, if you want. Knife or a sword.


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[Assistant] He's 78 when he died. He died here in Nashville. 78, crazy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, where the Bartlett administration has a big block of cheese day to honor the spirit of.


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[Assistant] Uh, with that block of cheese where they like take meetings with organizations that are, would typically be dismissed like weird fringe groups. They meet with them. It's called big block of cheese day. That's how I know about that.


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[Assistant] Spirit, that's why he was loved as like a common man. Like this is the people's house. Yeah. People come in and get some cheese, hang out.


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[Assistant] Or like the insiders hated them, right? Yeah. Okay.


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[Assistant] Really? They weren't saying okay before that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but he was the oldest president at that point, right? I think he did the speech super long to prove that he had the stamina as an old man and then he caught pneumonia and died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a 91 year old grandson that's still alive. Right now. And he lived.


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[Assistant] John Tyler did, he was the president in 1841 to 1845.


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[Assistant] When he took this picture knew that he would die for me and Jerry's. I mean, cause he just looks like a pretty.


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[Assistant] Hard-nosed dude. He died from bad cherries, huh?


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[Assistant] Some of these guys look like they wouldn't even be led on TV, do they?


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? It didn't matter. It's probably a good thing. It didn't matter what you look like.


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[Assistant] Look at Martin Van Pieren. I mean, Martin Van Pieren looks insane. Like he looks like a crazy person.


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[Assistant] And he looks okay. How's the president look today? He looks okay.


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[Assistant] You know, he had a, is this true? I don't know if you've heard this, but I remember hearing.


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[Assistant] You know, he didn't have a beard, first part of his political career, and a little girl wrote into him and said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you have an unconventional face. You should probably try growing a beard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he did and he kept it. It did make him look better. If you see him without a beard.


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[Assistant] I'll pull it. Yeah. I mean, part of it's cause you're used to seeing him with a beard, but I mean, he was not a handsome guy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not saying he'd be a circus attraction. I'm just saying.


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[Assistant] He looks regal almost with this, with this beard.


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[Assistant] It was probably all the smartest people like available that were looking at this, but they just, something so dumb and simple now is like not wearing gloves or even knowing that that's a, you wonder how many things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, what I'm saying, they didn't even think of that as being a problem. You wonder how many things we do now are going to be looked at that way.


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[Assistant] Years from now, our smartest people, we just don't know, you know?


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[Assistant] Hmm. I never heard, I had never heard of this president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be honest, Chester, Chester Arthur, never heard of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that my chest or drawers? Is that what it is? Maybe it might've been.


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[Assistant] I'll look into this. I'll get back to you. All right. Looking up the history of pillows.


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[Assistant] Nah, man, one of the, yeah. Teddy Roosevelt was awesome. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Uh, the bull moose party, he set up all the national parks and stuff. He's the guy that speaks softly and carry a big stick. Yeah. You heard that saying? Yeah. Yeah, that was him. And that was his philosophy. He's awesome, dude.


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[Assistant] Here's Tap, picture of Tap playing golf, dude.


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[Assistant] Really? I'm guessing it didn't go well.


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[Assistant] Is that not typically done? Playing golf in the snow?


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[Assistant] I'm guessing if you're president, don't you every now and then want to be around people that don't care you're the president?


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[Assistant] Oh, that's pretty, I thought that was named after Babe Ruth.


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[Assistant] There's a great story about Calvin Coolidge. He was a very, I don't know why I know this. He was a real introvert and wouldn't talk much at parties and stuff. People, he just like wouldn't talk. And there's this story of a woman who walks up to him and goes,


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[Assistant] I have a bet with everybody at my table that I can get you to say at least three words tonight. And he just looked at better and goes.


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[Assistant] You lose. It goes back to his meal. That's pretty awesome. That's great. It's weird to think about a president like that now, cause that'll have to be the exact opposite.


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[Assistant] Yeah, to just be like a low key, no charisma, any of that.


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[Assistant] 1865, after I looked it up earlier.


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[Assistant] So 400 strokes is a pretty, it's a pretty bad day on the course, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah. And if you're the president, you kind of do whatever you want, right?


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[Assistant] He never even, he was never elected, right? He was never elected president?


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[Assistant] I've been to his presidential museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan.


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[Assistant] And it's pretty, he wasn't president very long. And so they stretch some stuff out. Yeah. There's like a whole wing of just like a heap.


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[Assistant] He played college football in Michigan. He was a great athlete and all this weird, you know, but the actual, like what he did as president is like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you maybe wait till you've already been elected before you start talking about that.


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[Assistant] So what were the first ladies? So, uh, Melania's was cyber bullying. Uh, Michelle Obama's was childhood obesity. Laura Bush's was childhood literacy, right? I think so. So then yours would be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Gout awareness. Just.


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[Assistant] I like that. That'll be us. Oh, I got a fun one. A fun one. You know, if like, if you're the president, you can decorate your, the Oval Office. You can put whatever you want in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any item from like any museum ever, you just go get it. So what would be a cool thing that you would want in your office? I mean, it can be literally anything.


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[Assistant] I put the sun sphere. I get that and move that to the White House lawn.


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[Assistant] You're like, if some president would be like, I want George Washington's portrait right here to remind me of a trait that I find admirable in him.


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[Assistant] You could theoretically. Yeah. I mean, if the president's like.


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[Assistant] No, you, what do you, if the president's like, I want this in my office.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's, I'm pretty sure that's true. I just, sometimes I'll think something's true. I talk about it on the podcast and I lose a lot of confidence in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it was every day, they'd just like, we get it. You're fine and stuff.


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[Assistant] Uh, boogie board. We were big boogie boarders back in the day. I don't even know. What's the difference?


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[Assistant] Uh, I just typed in Barney.com. I'm losing it, guys. It's alright. I'm losing it.


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[Assistant] We're lucky these people, these ads, they do, uh, they, I mean, cause they just, I can't say half of this stuff.


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[Assistant] And so the ads are, I mean it's a miracle that they're still there. Like that they're like, I don't, you know.


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[Assistant] The way they write stuff. I mean they have to, so I've, uh,


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[Assistant] I have trouble with a lot of words, like I've talked about, like they, uh, when I did my, my, my pilot.


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[Assistant] When I was doing acting, they would have to spell, like what I would say, will, will be right back. Like I say will wrong.


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[Assistant] So they would spell it W-I-L-L in the script because then I would say, we'll be right back. I'll say it the way they want me to say it. And I mean, you feel pretty dumb.


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[Assistant] Because it's not like they privately do it. Everybody sees it.


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[Assistant] These are the co-hosts of AaronLand. This is AaronLand right here.


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[Assistant] The live NateLand podcast. Thank you for everybody at home listening. Thank you guys for coming out. It's unbelievable that you guys come out, uh, to this. Uh, I'm blown away by it to be honest.


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[Assistant] So why would you buy a generic mattress built for everyone else? Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash Nate. That's up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows at helixsleep.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to Nate Land everybody. We, uh, it is funny when you read ads, we have to type it out. I mean every word. Like it says slash.


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[Assistant] Uh, this is fun. We've, uh, the live podcast, I've loved doing it. We did it, uh, we did, we just done one other one and, uh, it went good, I believe. And, uh, and here's this one. And we started at this one. So I have nothing, I don't know how to get going.


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[Assistant] We can start as we always start with the comments from you guys. Comments are from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple.


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[Assistant] I looked at some of the Reddit stuff. That's got its own world. I don't understand Reddit as much, but it's, uh, you probably, you're the age.


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[Assistant] Is it younger than you that's read it? Probably a little older.


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[Assistant] You just won out of the house. Uh, Tyler Tripp.


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[Assistant] Love the podcast, listen to every episode. I was wondering once Nate starts his tour with the pod, will the podcast still continue? I hope it does. Love everything from Nate, Aaron, and Barbados.


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[Assistant] I honestly probably would hope it didn't go as good and then I could easily back away. No, uh, no, I, I really enjoy it. And once the tour starts and we will do it, I'll see how crazy it gets, but we record on Mondays and we were kind of planning for that to happen. So, uh, we will still continue.


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[Assistant] Uh, FC Schultz. I'm new to Nate Land, so I vote. Let's go, folks!


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[Assistant] It's an inside joke. That's why I like the let's go folks. Uh, because it makes it, it's just us. We're the only ones that get it. No one else gets it. Hello folks is, I mean, go to any Cracker Barrel in America. That's how, that's how you get introduced and you're going to feel like an idiot when you go, ah, you podcast this and they're like, what?


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[Assistant] Hunter Lampert. Lam- yea Lampert.


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[Assistant] You can't make it happen just because the irony is fun and exclusive to the folks. Sort of like how you can't give yourself a nickname, it has to happen organically from others. I get the point, but Hunter is an idiot.


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[Assistant] The hello folks was organic. Let's go folks is organic.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well I think it's dumb, but then I came around to it as I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. A little more than I should have. Uh, we're still deciding.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. People are coming around. And they're getting it. I mean I over explain it.


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[Assistant] I know, but it makes it like stand out more. I'm saying when you, when someone that's funny, it's funny every time cause we're making fun of the let's go folks.


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[Assistant] The regular people that use it, I mean dude they use it, you see it, where was I watching, I mean I saw a guy catch a foul ball with his hand, and you can't hear him but you just see him go,


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[Assistant] And we are making fun of them. Right. And that's the funny part. I don't know.


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[Assistant] She, I mean, she's, yeaah, she is strict. It's no fun. Uh, Laura, did we, uh, if you had your table, I think we, everybody got a little gift bag. And that was, uh, that was Laura's doing.


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[Assistant] Maybe a good compromise would be to keep Hello Folks as the intro and use Let's Go Folks as the outro. Far be it for me to agree with birthday over Nate on anything.


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[Assistant] But I think he may be onto something with the idea of keeping both despite Nate's instance, uh, huh? Insistence. Insistence.


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[Assistant] That, that's how you get nowhere in life. That is how you get nowhere in life. When you don't. Yea, alright.


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[Assistant] Have you worked on trying to get in this movie at all since the last time we talked about it? I love the explanation of why the lung is smaller to make more room for the heart is respect. This is exactly the science we should be teaching in schools.


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[Assistant] Seriously, if he stays on track with the weight thing, he'll be better looking than Pitt because he's so much younger.


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[Assistant] We watched it while anxiously, oh wait, while waiting anxiously for her to go into labor and it eased so much of our attention. My daughter missed one episode but we've watched every episode since altogether. Thanks for making our first year of parenting even greater and congratulations on one year.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I think, uh, I think one year I thought.


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[Assistant] But one year we did it. You know, I think I do enjoy it. And the fact that everybody comes out and it's very fun.


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[Assistant] Uh, I do enjoy it. I mean, it's very easy on me. We're seeing what, it's all gonna, it's like everything COVID related, like you make so many plans.


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[Assistant] Like, it's like, there's people that have that. Like, they're like, we have another child. Because of COVID, we thought, let's do, let's have another one. And then that kid's name is Teague and has to walk around.


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[Assistant] I can get my point across and laugh on the inside while doing it. Thank you. Someone that gets it.


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[Assistant] I don't know if y'all even got that sentence. I broke, I broke that up so much. That. Russell Dietrich. It doesn't.


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[Assistant] Let's go. Steve Kelly. If anything, every time someone's on a let's go, we should, we get a good laugh. Right. Ourselves. Right. I mean, you have to notice it more. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And that's the point. We want to point these people out. Steve Kelly in World War II. This is an old listener. Uh.


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[Assistant] We should do the same with hello folks and let's go folks. Next time someone says hello folks, look at them and say let's go folks. Then you know it's time to high five and talk about Seinfeld.


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[Assistant] That's a pretty great one. Cause in that way you don't say the same thing back to him. You go, hello folks, let's go folks. That's a pretty good, alright Steve.


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[Assistant] What do you mean? If you, if you say hello folks and they don't respond. No, oh.


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[Assistant] I work at a paint store in western New York and I was listening to your podcast while I was stocking shelves in the warehouse. Some customers came in and when I went out to help them, I automatically started speaking with a slight southern accent. I didn't want to suddenly change it so I just kept using it.


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[Assistant] I guess the podcast has a bigger influence on me than I realized. That's great.


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[Assistant] Curtis Van Curen. We all need an update on that guy that seemed to have his pick of the ladies after commenting about his breakup. I believe his name is Harrison. Is he married to another folk?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he womanizing? That's two different options. I feel like I'm not the only person wondering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You made me laugh listening to calendars while I was in labor with our first baby.


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[Assistant] I have one hole in one, but it's on a par three course, and so I don't count it.


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[Assistant] It was 122 yards and it just feels like, it's not in a regular round.


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[Assistant] So that's why I, but I, cause I always think if you have a hole in one, you gotta explain it.


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[Assistant] And, uh, I have my consecutive birdies. I had, not too long, I closed a round with three birdies in a row. 16, 17, 18. Uh, it's pretty exciting the only one that cared. Me and, me and Carol.


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[Assistant] That's an eagle. No, albatross is next. It's par five. You get there and you hit it in two. I think it's harder than a hole in one because you're, you're, you're three yards, you know, you'd be 280 yards. It doesn't matter where the three would. It seems insane. Uh,


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[Assistant] When you were developing the NateLand podcast, what alternatives did you not pick?


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[Assistant] For example, was there any other podcast names or comedians that were for consideration? Was it always a three person format? Did you intend for the comments to be such a big part of the show or did that just happen naturally? Good question Michael.


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[Assistant] They're the only ones that worked out. No, I mean I did talk about, I didn't know what I would do with a podcast. Uh, it kind of figures out, the comments were pretty on, I wanted to read comments early, I believe. Uh, and so.


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[Assistant] It was one of those, when you did read them, I thought, I bet this could become a big part of the show, just cause you're doing it. But I always wanted it, cause I feel like when you're talking to someone who reads it, like, you know, especially cause we're talking about whatever we're talking about and we don't know anything. And then people listen and they always think, that's not right. And then you can't, you're saying, cause I have it happen. You're like, nah, that's not true.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I didn't know how good. I didn't know we'd be doing them this long.


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[Assistant] I would like there to be some, I mean again, we always just say it, it's just trying to, something we can talk about so we can make jokes. So the topics don't really matter, they just gotta be like, what can we...


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[Assistant] Make the funniest. And what can have the most information that can be like, you know, that's why like presidents was good. Like some of them. I think this one's been good.


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[Assistant] I know you said before that people make a whole weekend of vacation around going to your shows, but my husband and I are driving up literally for one night only, uh, one night only from Virginia for the night of the podcast and then turning around and going home. No pressure, but I'm expecting you all to deliver. Let's go!


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[Assistant] Oh man, you guys, how long have y'all been married? Nine months! That's when you do stuff like that.


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[Assistant] Uh, before we get into the topic too, we have some taglines. We've talked to you guys about, uh, the best way to describe the show to your friends as, you know, as Matt, you brought people and you go like, I don't know how to explain it. And, uh, so a couple of ways that, uh, we've asked people and here's a few of them.


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[Assistant] Hernandez. It's like waiting in line for a movie and making friends with people waiting too. That's pretty good.


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[Assistant] That's the let's go folks. That's what I like that it's cause we're all in it together.


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[Assistant] It's a special, and we're making fun of everybody, uh, Lindale Chambers. Boldly going where no mistake has gone before.


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[Assistant] It's spelled S-T-O-N-I-E-R. Stone-yea. Or what would you say? Stone-year?


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[Assistant] It's profound in a way. Yeah. It's philosophy. I know. CJ Montoya. Three men and a lot of maybe.


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[Assistant] Just imagine, just imagine you wrote a movie and you called it Three Minute Baby. What would you have them do? It'd probably be, a lot of stuff goes wrong.


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[Assistant] Save this for last. Uh, Lido Cortez, a podcast where the facts are given and questioned at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. That's good. And lastly, Daniel LaPlante. LaPlant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sleeps on a helix mattress. I know some of you are sleeping on some old mattresses at night, and you deserve better than that, so give yourself an upgrade, go online and get a helix mattress like we did. Like I said, we have a bunch of comics to sleep on it.


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[Assistant] All different sizes. To Nick Novicki, to everybody, Justin Smith. I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wildly different of the weight that has been on this Helix Dusk Lux mattress. It's unreal, the difference.


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[Assistant] Matt, you do a customized mattress. Customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10 year warranty. You can try it out for 100 nights risk free. They will even pick it up for you if you don't love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Helix is offering up to $200 off all matches orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash nate. helixsleep.com slash nate for up to $200 off and two free pillows. Alright, today, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We took, uh, but I, we, I looked at it. It's great. Just, we had best stuff coming out Thursday, uh, the day after the, uh, pocket, which I believe Thursday is the exact one year, July 8th, which is my daughter's birthday. And then, uh, so, uh,


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[Assistant] That, we did like a best of, so then if you want to introduce someone to be like, hey, if you want to catch up, I don't know why, they have nothing going on in their life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to catch up on this, they have a 58 hour drive. Yeaah. Then we can do it.


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[Assistant] That's uh, you know, that one is like, you talk about her so much. Stand Up Comedy's gotta be up there too though.


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[Assistant] We're the only person, the only podcast that would give the least views.


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[Assistant] Nothing else would do that. No one else, no one else goes, like, uh,


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[Assistant] It's like when something gets so many views, then more people see it like outside of, that's the hard part. When people see this outside of like you guys and us, people are furious.


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[Assistant] Right there. Yeah, right there. And for this topic, uh, I don't know, I think it's gonna be good. It seems like these are the funnest topics, is what we believe. And so this, this, uh, we were gonna talk about psychology.


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[Assistant] I just always feel like they have the, that's the one that has the most. You know? Most stuff. I don't know. I don't know.


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[Assistant] That's who you go talk to, right? Like, psychologists, yea. You go talk to psychologists.


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[Assistant] Alright, that's pretty fun. We're the best at it.


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[Assistant] They take it that way, like so when I first started comedy, you know, I would do all these jokes about my wife.


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[Assistant] They would be like, well, why are you married? And you're like, well, that's not how you're supposed to be taking a joke.


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[Assistant] No, uh, but you would, you're realizing that you're taking, you're like, alright, I'm delivering this joke not in the way it should be delivered. And people are taking it the wrong way. Cause it's, cause like I said, you talk about marriage, I talk about the bad stuff of marriage, I like to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This stuff that we get in fights about, I don't talk about like how great it is or how she came, you know, she came up with all these ideas for these little things and she went and did all these. Like yea, that's, but that's no fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, so I had to figure out how to, cause you gotta have love in it. That's where, we always talk about the office, but that's where Michael Scott's character is so good.


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[Assistant] Because there was love in that. You could tell that he loved these people and like that was our favorite episode, the painting episode where he goes to Pam's painting. Business school. The business school. The whole episode's great when he goes to Pam's painting and he sits there and he's the only one that shows up.


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[Assistant] Well, cause you don't know him. Probably two then.


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[Assistant] You don't know the character. Right. So then, people take it, it was mean. And it was also the way he looked, cause he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was the big thing. When I was in New York, it was like, there's a comics table at the Comedy Cellar that, if you know comedy, it was like kind of famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because everybody would go there and just rip on each other. And the reason it works is because everybody knows it's not real. Everybody knows we're just making fun of each other. Everybody loves everybody and like everybody's happy and you can just trash. Like there's, I mean there's times in stand up where you, there's moments where you could be like, hey, could you just say you like me? Like at the beginning, you would be like, I don't think this person likes you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, if they weren't making fun of you, that's how you know they wouldn't like you. They would just ignore you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just be like, whatever. But if they start trashing you, that means that's like a sign that they like you. And comics don't want like,


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[Assistant] All the nonsense of being, you know, like the sweet whatever and being like you did good. Like it's better to be like you were terrible. And I would rather hear that from another comic just to make fun of you than to go like, man, you were so great. And you're like, all right, dude, like quit. It's being weird now and we don't like weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I talk about the professional laughers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so for us, when we, when we shot it, uh, for us to get used to the rhythm of the jokes, cause you would write all these jokes, and, I mean, as a comic, you know, like, alright, that's funny, and you know that people will laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not like you're always like dying laughing in a writers room. You just write something and you go, that's, that's very funny.


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[Assistant] And that's literally how you respond to most jokes. You go, that's really good. And then you don't laugh. I mean, it's very stone cold faced. That's one of the best jokes I've ever heard in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, for us to get you, when we were, when we were rehearsing, uh, we couldn't bring a live audience in, so we, they hired, there's guys that are professional laughers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you bring in like eight guys or women or, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no, it was, women are great laughers and they, so they would spread them out and they could laugh on command. And so they, and they laugh loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they laugh at everything. So they would laugh at where the jokes were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then you knew, like you could kind of get used to like, you could have a pause of silence because the person would, because those eight people would laugh. It was pretty unbelievable. Like that's those people's job is just to be like, oh, I need a laugh. And they're like, yeah, that's what I do. And they could go sit and they laugh at the spots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean you're right in it, so I don't think, no, it's not like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm just thinking fake laugh, but I mean, you know, they're laughing where the jokes are at. I mean, you're not, you're really using it for like timing. Uh, just so you can, cause otherwise you're going to speed through everything like my special when I couldn't hear them laugh and I did 60 minutes of material in 43 minutes because all the energy is taken out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you just start flying and you're like trying to, you know, once it gets silent, you're like, I gotta go again. Like, and so this just helps you kind of pace that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you ever go to Comic-Con, as you can see now, everybody gets very close. This is the best setting for you and for us. If you, you will have more fun close. That's like when you do a show, if there was 50 people here and we had you spread out, it would be a nightmare. And then, but if we got eight, didn't we say this? Did I say this? We talked about it before, I don't know. You have eight people together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, but everybody, they can't, it's all people they can't find a person to bring with them, so they have to come alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You watch this dude in lines. Watch lines.


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[Assistant] I've noticed this more. Go to like Starbucks. My joke about Starbucks was built off this. Just watch. People just go get near people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just, is that what this is about? Well, they were observing lines. Yeah. But it's about people just getting near people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically you can follow, like you can watch people, uh, just like watch a line and you can see, you can just see people just get in, people get into lines that don't, won't know what the line is for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can, you can usually just notice it. You can notice it with, uh, I mean traffic can be that way where like people just get it, you're like people are just stopped and no one knows why they're stopped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's, you can just watch people, you can cut, like, cutting people off in traffic is easier than it's ever been in the history of driving. Because people are on their phones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go to Starbucks, look, just look at the line and just watch. People just scoot up. I will sometimes, you can stop, like stop and then let people go and then just like keep moving up and just watch the person behind you. They just do whatever you do. Like they're not even looking at the grant. Like if you just go, just look at the Starbucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we could probably fix it. I don't know what I'm really saying here. But, y'all are going along with this, you know? Yeah, that conforms a good example. We're all just like, uh, huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's, you know, when I watch, when I'd watch, I'm a Dan Patrick fan, and like, everybody would, when he would say his point, like, alright, they want to get a poll out to the audience, but then he explains his reason, and you're like, well, it's gonna be that. I mean, no, cause we're listening to you to begin with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like I'm gonna just say whatever you say. Like it's almost like you'd have to be like, I want everybody's true reaction without being influenced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because he's not gonna be, no one's gonna be down in the subway playing the violin. Like. No one famous?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting thrown in the tracks. Like you get, and you're like, I'm taking in the sights to be like, oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, and you're like, who is this person? And it was not normal. Do y'all remember like when first Bluetooth was like kind of becoming a thing and then people would just start talking. You're like, I don't know. This guy's crazy. I remember going to San Francisco and, uh, they have a pretty crazy homeless thing going on over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're walking around and you're like, I don't know who, what's happening. There was a guy walking and he had headphones in and he had a suit on and I'm like, alright, so I follow him because he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not just trying to be with someone that's normal. I mean that guy wasn't on the phone at all. Like he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just kept making the same lap and I was like, oh that guy's crazy. Like I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I was just trying to find some, like, you know, normal person. I thought he was a great violinist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you think you want to, that's like when so many people think they want to do comedy and they think, ah, I think I could do it. We just had this conversation about this with a guy, uh, about golf, of course, and they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this guy's a really good golfer and was talking to him and a guy, John Augustine, who, uh, we had, uh, who's trying to make it as a pro. And so saying like this other guy that is a really, really good golfer, he can shoot four under, he's great, but he's not a pro. And so it was the idea of like, well, he just didn't try. And so that's why he's not a pro, which I think is, is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taking a shot at the guy that did try. Cause trying is part of it. It's just because you have the talent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be this great golfer, you gotta have the skills. If you don't have the mental aspect of it to make it, then you didn't make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just making that person feel, you know, if you're trying to be nice and polite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all that is, is being like, I'm just trying to be polite. You didn't make it because you didn't want to try. Well, that's part of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The talent is everybody, everybody can have the crazy talent, but if you, if you don't have the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're willing to like throw everything away and be like, this might not work out. Then you didn't, then you didn't take the chance. And so you don't get a say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, music is the most, because everybody thinks they can be in a band. And, uh, I bet he wasn't. And like so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, look, that's, that's not nice. I understand the idea. I get the idea of it not being nice, but it's, I think the person gets to hide behind, well, I want to focus. I took, I can take stuff very slight. Like when I had someone tell me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were, they were doing one thing and they, uh, in the, in show business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they didn't want to travel on the road so much, so they got out of it. And they go, I just didn't want to be a, you know, a dad that's always gone. And I take it as like, well, you're throwing that on me, man. You didn't make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't make it, so don't give an excuse and make me feel like I'm a loser dad that I travel. You would travel if you could make it, but you didn't make it, so then you get to protect yourself by going, I don't want to be like you and possibly be gone all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is a very mean, I take, that's a very mean thing to say to me. Instead of just that guy going like, I didn't have what it took, so I had to, you know, I didn't get to make it, so I went and tried this other thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's guards that are probably pretty nice.


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[Assistant] That's like the comedy thing where I was saying, like, you'd rather be told bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know if I told you, it was with Bill Burr. It was, uh, I was, uh, and we were in New York and we, me, this Bill Burr, I think everybody knows in the comic, Joe DeRosa, I started with. I mean, we were sitting in the bar and this, uh, and Burr was like getting pretty known then where everybody was kind of recognizing him. And, uh, someone came to him and said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bartender goes, oh, my brother's like a huge fan of you. And he's like, ah, I appreciate it. And that was all he said. He didn't like really react to it. And I remember she goes, all right, I'm sorry. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, what's up, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you or something. And he wasn't taking it bad, he was like, I just don't know how to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, that's crazy. That's so funny. It's my mom. Yeah. You've been to do TV. There's a couple of TV things I've done where I'm like, I don't know if a human being has seen this. I've seen it multiple times. And you're on television and nobody, it does not help at all. You go have a fun night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, no one sees it. So comedy.tv was uh, Byron Allen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did this. Comics Unleashed was also another thing. It comes on on ABC at like 2 in the morning. Byron Ireland, by the way, is a billionaire. This dude's figured everything out. He's a comic. Uh, he's been around forever. Great. Super nice guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he would do this comics unleash where he would have comics. He would like interviews and we'd all do our jokes. And they did stand up too and it's called comedy.tv. And so when we filmed it, it was in Los Angeles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, you know, you see my old videos, it's one of those old ones, my head shaved, glasses, uh, you know. And, uh, so I remember doing it and during the show they did nine shows in a row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the audience, they pay them all to come. So they have to watch nine comedy shows. It's, I mean, it's six hours or something that they're sitting there. So, but we're one of the last shows. So by the time we're there, I mean, people are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not laughing. They're laughing at the wrong parts. They're not listening. They're just truly like, what do you want me to do? They're like, haaa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everybody else is just laughing. If you find it, you go look up at that comedy. It's, they laugh at wrong parts. It's, it's just, it was like, just get through the set and then just be done. Like your, the reaction is not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, you stood up, when you walked out, they stood up, when you left, they stood up. I mean that was just, they told these people, they go stand up and they stood up. It would be like this where they're just telling you what to do. It was like the Stanford Prep for, uh, prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's the po- I mean, what's- what do they get out of it? What do they- then they go, and that's why somethin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about these people that do all, that make people try these things? Like, they, they, they, like, psychologists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, University of Iowa. Yeah. A real, that's a main college. You know, you hope it's something you never heard of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he goes, oh, I know, but we wanted to bring some of y'all in to, you know. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It comes out so they go, so yeah, if you yell at a kid for a long time, it doesn't go well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that sentence is what they, they ruin these kids' lives just for a guy goes, so we learned it's not a good thing to yell at these kids for a long time. And they go, yeah, anything else? Like, do they, does anybody get superpowers or anything? Like, is there anything worth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, no, I know. That's like when someone, uh, when you said what's like the best moments of your life, and you're always like, well, when my daughter was born, they're like, I know, dude, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very normal, and he goes. Hey, can you break that? He goes, are you guys gonna, uh, share this or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People fall in love if you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life. Which would, which would you want?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Staring at other questions and after, you know, yeah, uh, make, make three true we statements each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When do you go get your IQ? You just do it whenever? Why do people even do it? Like just, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you're in a smart world, and then they're like, you gotta do an IQ before you come in this world and learn about all this smart nonsense. To join Mensa, right? Huh? But you have to... You join, you join it? To join Mensa, you have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, why? Like, can't you just fill it out? All these answers are just stuff that you could be like, you could guess. I know. Yeah. And then the- Psychologists, their biggest trick is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in, I left New York on Hurricane Sandy. I don't know if I've talked about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a joke about it. I had a Hurricane Sandy joke. Uh, they, no, we, uh, the day I moved from California to California was the day Hurricane Sandy hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were supposed to be leaving the next day, but it was, it was like, hey, this is coming. It's getting really bad. And so I had to drive our car across the country. So my wife's dad came up and stayed with her. Harper was, I think, four months old or five months old. So I leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cuz I had to. But it's funny, in a hurricane they tell you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, and I just drove away. And they got stuck. And they had to go stay at a hotel, Grand Central, by Grand Central. And, uh, everything lost power except up to their street. And then they had to stay in that hotel for two days until they got home. Because we thought they could get out. They went to the airport and they couldn't get out. And so, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could just tell someone like, oh, you gotta go up now. Like if someone showed up late, or they thought they were late, we'd be like, dude, they're calling your name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he just give up these ideas and he goes, alright, yeaah, I think we could do that. And he goes, what are you going to need from us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact that somebody knows CPR, I know it! And then he comes over and does that too. That's how they should find the guy, they just make all this stuff happen. He doesn't realize that like, this is all happening. We talked to, uh, me and Big Jay once talked to this guy. There's a comic, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we kept, like, we're, I remember, I'll never forget, we were just at this bar, and we just keep, and we're like, just keep going, cause he's just gonna, so we just keep adding stuff, we're like, you know, I've driven a car once, 105 miles an hour, and he's like, I did, mine was like 120, and so he just would top us. And so we just kept doing this, at one point me and Jay both take our pants off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was downstairs before we even started. Before we even started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's 190 calories in one Krispy Kreme glazed donut. 11 grams of fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read where Michael Phelps when training, he eats 12,500 calories a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of equivalent, it's said to three chocolate chip cookies. One donut. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So 10 donuts would be 1900, which is supposed to be your calorie intake for the day. Yeah. 1900. 2000. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Jamie McDonald ate five dozen Krispy Kreme donuts in nine minutes, 17 seconds. When I first read that, I- Right? You're right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I first read that, I didn't see the dozen part. I just thought he ate five in 90 minutes. I thought, that's, I think I could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Matt Stoney ate 12 Krispy Kreme donuts in 34 seconds. That's pretty impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guy... Matt Stoney? I watched the video. He just rolls them up, stuffs them down his mouth, and keeps going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some guy ate 15 mini chocolate donuts in 57 seconds. That's kinda crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? It's like a cricket chirp. Yeah. What was it? He ate what? He ate five powdered sugar donut holes in 17 seconds. Five? Yeah. Donut holes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Joey Chestnut ate 257 powdered Hostess Donets in 6 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leah Shutkever, a British speed eater set the world record. She ate 10 jelly donuts in three minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was not allowed to lick her lips, drink water, and she had to open her mouth after each one to show she swallowed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of them allow you to drink water, but this one didn't. Just straight up eatin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People have died from eating competitions. Really? Yea, they get choked. And the guy died recently. Nobody knew how to do the Heimlich. We need Ricky here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that you had a charity event tonight for the homeless to feed them and you're going to be backstage practicing your donut. Just eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Laura could beat you. I mean, I weigh twice as much as her, so I should win, but I don't know. I hear she can eat. Laura eats like a horse, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had some repeats already. I think this is probably a repeat. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like Oprah, like you just need the first name, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think more people know Oprah's last name than Napoleon's? Worldwide, we're talking worldwide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. That's like Hitler's first name. Everybody knows that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure why that's for me. You know, it reminds me of that fun house. You know, there's a, there's an EDM artists, like a DJ named dead mouse, but it's spelled dead M a U five. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember in college trying to act like I knew. And I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's way better than dead mouse in my opinion. So that's fun house is what I'm guessing. So I'm not sure why this question is for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As sure as comedians just stand up as something different. I think that's, that's fair, right? I mean, it's, it's it's own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 1.6 million subscribers on YouTube. So they're pretty big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I had a buddy that went to one. He said he used to just, he would chew tobacco in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cowboy hats, right? I mean, I've never been there. You.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I've done some shows where I've been like, alright, take maybe for $20, just have everybody face me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You know, just like bare minimum, like I'll do another 10 to turn off the TVs and just get it to where it's an actual show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. Wow. From Montgomery, Alabama. Wow. There you are there. So they're 11 years old in 2007. Is that where you're from? I'm from Montgomery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were 11 in 2007. So they're five years younger than me. They're 24 or 25. Doesn't ring a bell? No, I would have remembered five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does look a little bit like Ed Sheeran, you know, and then this is them doing the pledge of allegiance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we're taught, we're taught to do it right in Montgomery. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. That's really interesting. I wonder that's gotta be just a wildlife to have four. I don't even know what you call them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I was just going to say that Bobby burns is going to hate the episode we just recorded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we trash scientific research for about 20 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me what I should look at. I mean, is Bobby Burns a scientist? I'm wondering why he's so worked up about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But to somebody outside of the scientific community?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come in like a third party, come in and go, all right, let's take a, let's take a look at what all y'all are doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, Aristotle, Aristotle said the mark of an educated person is being able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Yeaah. I think that's a big comic trick. Oh boy. It's like, let's go down this rabbit hole. I'm not gonna fully commit to this, but let's have fun exploring it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that guy is, that's a legit, it's rare to see somebody just step up and like, I'll get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You remember, uh, there used to be the show before shark tank, but it was the exact same kind of show where you pitch your inventions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was might have been about inventions and a guy invented a device that removes all bathroom smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he brought it, and the panelists were like, this is not even like a real big problem, so we're not even gonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was one panelist that was like, I commend you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're doing the Lord's work. These people don't get it. I always think about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta put it all inside of its type of, some type of netting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm thinking like a bar of soap. You put it in, put it in some netting and then you can just use that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If anybody wants to be a millionaire, get to work on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you'd be surprised at the overlap. That's what I think. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The base, yeah, the basics are the same, but there's a, all these buttons that you never, you know, you don't know what's what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, come on dude. Well, not as well as a piano player could, but, but it's an analog instrument. An organ's gonna be, if it's like a, like a, you know, an electric organ, there's all kinds of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fundamentals are the same. You're operating a vehicle. That's the fundamentals are the same. There's still a steering wheel thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody on earth can play a piano. You just hit the buttons. It's not hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the keys are going to be the same, but there's usually it's split up into two levels. So there's two levels and then you have, you have a, for your feet too, you have a, an octave on your feet. So there's a lot going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like fun. It's called Beer Barrel Polka.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the most popular version of the song on YouTube. It's the Andrew Sisters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if we had done this podcast five years ago, it'd be much different. It's just, it's become sort of, it's becoming, and you listeners might not even know this yet, but it's becoming a mainstream. People are talking about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always think anytime I don't believe something, I always have to remind myself, somebody smarter than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disagrees with me on that topic. I mean, that's almost always the case. There are smart people on the other side of every issue. So you might have your nose in the air and look down on people that believe in UFOs, but that dude, that dude right there is probably smarter than most people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't matter. I guess that's right. Cause it does, you know, disease deadly and everything, but it's not going to disrupt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100 knots is 115 miles per hour. So that's, I mean, underwater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] U.S. nuclear powered submarines can go a little faster than 23 miles per hour or 20 knots. So it's five times faster than a nuclear submarine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now my point was that the, the basic, the basics of them, the idea is the same, but they're just two different disciplines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember an American hustle. They had in the movie, microwaves had just come out and they called them science ovens because they just couldn't wrap their head around. These things are, they could cook something in two minutes. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I ask a larger overarching question that maybe the people, the people might be wondering. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In general, what is the government's motivation to withhold this information? What is their motivation to, if they have evidence of aliens to not share that with the American people, what do you think their motivations are for doing that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't think that if it, like Independence Day, you don't think if aliens come that we're gonna, we're gonna bond like together as a, as a country, as a country, as a world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any kind of animal would be intelligent life, right? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we have more heart I think we have more spirit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're probably not even a carbon-based life form, dude. They've just downloaded their consciousness onto some sort of device.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's almost more beneficial to them to just have a person who's seen as crazy openly talking about it. Cause then that discredits the whole idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not opposed to Bigfoot. I'm open to the idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'd be a little less surprised than the average person if it came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's where I fall. Yeah. I think that's just somebody in that guy's family. Just being like, Hey, can you stop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you get abducted. One of you get abducted. You come back. I mean, what's your, what do you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you tell people? Because I always think no matter what these people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They always come across as crazy a little bit, but I like to think there's a way to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell people without seeming like an insane person. What's your first step? Who do you tell first? Do you tell your wife first, I'm guessing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe go a little too hard on these people because it's not an easy thing to, to reveal that to the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some Bach, we got some Mozart, a lot of Mozart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this went out in the seventies. I don't know some share or somebody like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got some, here's some of the pictures that they included. There's some fun pictures. We've got some pictures from the Olympics. Got a teacher teaching the kids something. Fish market, little x-ray. I mean, we got some fun stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's re- it is cool to think about somebody finding this and then just trying to piece together the story of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna play this sound. This sound that's on the Voyager. So an alien finds this. This is what they're gonna hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a guy's baby. That's a baby cry in a mother consolium. I mean, you're not going to know what that is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The golden record, and it's just like a wreck of vinyl that just plays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, I think I remember reading, I don't see it here, but it's just, they set it to where if somebody opens it up, it'll just start playing. So they won't have to know how a vinyl works. I don't even think I could get a record to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Send monkeys into space. Yes, true. You know, maybe they just put still up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How close do they let you get to that? They probably don't let you get anywhere near it, right? Uh, I don't think so. You can't like run through it and run around it, obviously.


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[Assistant] Rather than meet all 320 million people, just meet America. Just meet your America.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's going to be millions of years before that thing is found.


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[Assistant] Right, what I'm saying, until it like runs into somebody. It's going to be millions of years.


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[Assistant] Right, or just to be far enough away to where somebody else could see it. It's going to be millions of years for us.


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[Assistant] Is it a human construct or is it just, you know, we can dive into it later, but.


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[Assistant] I don't know off the way till Brian does all the research and then we'll learn more about it.


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[Assistant] I agree, but I feel like I've been giving it the credit it deserves my whole life.


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[Assistant] I didn't know if you guys would walk around taking it for granted.


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[Assistant] All I know is yeah, I guess, yeah, I've never really without a toilet, but when I'm without AC, that changes my life.


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[Assistant] Well, you can pin people into a corner.


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[Assistant] You can, yeah, you can. And then you just, when you're in the corner, you just go, all right.


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[Assistant] That's throwing, throwing the towel in is what it is.


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[Assistant] There's still a significant amount of aspirin. Still a lot. I mean just the sheer volume of the pills is gonna be a problem in your stomach.


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[Assistant] I've thought about that, if there should be some device that the doctor


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[Assistant] Puts it on and then they can feel the whatever pain you're feeling. That would be unbelievable. Oh, I know exactly what.


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[Assistant] But yea, it is hard to tell them. I remember I went to the doctor once with like, sinus problems, and the doctor goes, does it feel like somebody's blowing up a balloon inside your head?


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[Assistant] I was like, that is perfect. I was so impressed with the analogy. I was like, God, you nailed it. I didn't even think of it, but yeah.


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[Assistant] It was during COVID, I just, my foot just started hurting. In the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep. This is, and I-


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[Assistant] I want that on the record. And it wasn't like, I looked up like diabetic nerve pain. What is this?


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[Assistant] Couldn't figure it out and I couldn't describe it better than just my foot hurt real bad. The whole foot.


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[Assistant] And I just couldn't sleep. I called my mom. She goes, just go to the ER. It could be a blood clot or something. So I go to the ER. I'm the only one there.


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[Assistant] And the whole time I was like, they're just going to think that this is like not a real thing.


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[Assistant] So I was just so nervous about trying to articulate how bad it hurt. So I'm sitting in the.


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[Assistant] Chair thing and the person comes in and they're like, did you, did you hurt it? Did you bump it into something? I was like, no.


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[Assistant] Did you twist it? I was just sitting down and it just started hurting.


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[Assistant] Well, that's how long it takes the earth to rotate around the sun, right? Yes.


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[Assistant] Do you know how long a day is? How long a day is? 24 hours? Yea, but why is it 24 hours? Because of the moon.


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[Assistant] That's Popey for sure. Boat Pope Greg? I don't think he went by Greg.


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[Assistant] So you change your name when you become Pope. When you become Pope, you take on a papal name.


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[Assistant] Like Pope Benedict was the last pope, his name was Joseph.


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[Assistant] It sounds, I think so. I think it sounds, uh, real.


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[Assistant] And I mean, there's a point, does it even matter? That's what I'm wondering, why was there so much concern about?


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[Assistant] Keeping it as accurate as, as, but I just said it. Cause you're on Christmas in July.


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[Assistant] You're saying, okay, another 2,000, 2,700 years?


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[Assistant] That's because we took all of these other steps. We'd be off, way off if we hadn't done this.


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[Assistant] How did it- there weren't- so when did-


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[Assistant] There weren't Protestants for another 1500 years though, when this calendar came out.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. There's a lot of work to do out here in Russia.


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[Assistant] 2025. 2025. It's gonna be the year of the snake.


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[Assistant] I mean there is. So like legal documents, like that's the legal year? I think so.


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[Assistant] He was actually born in like 4 BC, right? Yes.


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[Assistant] Now did that come from it? Was that a miscalculation as well or was it?


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[Assistant] Well, when was this? When did they decide to start counting? This is like 500 years.


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[Assistant] So, who knows what they were doing at the actual time. 180.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. When it's switched from BC to AD. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's weird to think about there might not have been a reason to keep track of time that precisely up until then.


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[Assistant] Did they just stop? Were they like, listen, this is, we're enough in advance. We don't need to do another year.


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[Assistant] I have before, yeaah. Yeaah, rent checks and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I've never at a store, I've never written a check or anything.


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[Assistant] He was the equivalent of a billionaire now, but he was worth 85 million when he died in 1930.


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[Assistant] You know what's interesting is there's a lot of these older, older kind of revisions.


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[Assistant] It's like they don't care about cooperating with the rest of the world.


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[Assistant] Right? It's like clearly we need to all be working on the same, we need to all agree on what day and time it is. Yeah. To do any kind of international commerce. Yeah. But I guess if this is, you know, if the five hundreds or whatever, you don't have to worry about that at all.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well that started when people were going to bed at like 5 p.m. because you had to do everything by candlelight. It's like dude, we're basically nocturnal animals now.


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[Assistant] You know, you were just talking about your daughter stays up till two or three in the morning.


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[Assistant] I'd make the ste- the season start on the first days of months. Stop worrying about the summer solstice and all that. So winter starts January 1st. Or maybe December- December 1st.


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[Assistant] I'd like to know this whole month is this season. Yeah. Right. Instead of going, okay.


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[Assistant] I thought it was all just, I thought it was just this year. It was that I didn't know it doesn't change. All right.


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[Assistant] Would you add a week on to February or would you just?


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[Assistant] Yeah. I remember one time Easter being like at the end of February or something. It's crazy.


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[Assistant] But it does range. I remember it being insanely early.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I just remember it conflicting with, uh, playing, we're always playing baseball growing up, right around Easter time.


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[Assistant] And I remember it always falling like during holy week and all that stuff. We'd be playing games. I remember it came super early one year.