[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it said that you left a movie with your partner there. I already forgot his name because I'm dumb. And you left the movie theater and you were like, man, you were talking about how the movie should have ended that you just watched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what wouldn't it be fun if you did an animated thing and then that's how it started. That was 2005 and then you should tell the story. What happened then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the first one was done in like 2005 and then it got uploaded in 2007 when you started your channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, me too. And I'll find a laugh. No matter what. Even if I don't really know what's going on. Oh, that's what happens. I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we should jump on the cards then, cause I think cards won, Neebs has a problem with it, but we promised the audience that we would play a few rounds, and we thought it would be fun if Daniel was the judge, and I've never played this, and Thicc loves it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nasty. Wow. What's, uh, Batman's guilty pleasure? The Chinese Gymnastics Team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Daniel, thank you so much. Thank you. We're gonna share a link to your tiny little channel in our description box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey folks, welcome to our latest podcast, what is this, podcast number one? No, it's, I don't know, I think it's five or six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I hate trivia. Well no, I like trivia if they're good questions. I know you're not gonna bring good questions!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, there's four of us here. Two versus two. There's five of us. Well, four that are playing the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smart, give me someone smart. We have Absro. Oh, Marty, Marty's losing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. You would have guessed had you not known about that negative point rule though. Probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On this one. We all passed on this. It happens. People are going to want to know the answer. Tie zero to zero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See this is the trivia that I don't need my brain. How do you survive when your car breaks down in the desert? Stay with the car, be, run off and look for it. Like those kind of trivia. That's good stuff. This is good stuff. Look, this is fascinating to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good lord, I'm looking at those options. I'm gonna say, well, ICC is 815 million. That's my guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All four options, 635 million, 755 million, 815 million, or 905 million, all are crazy. They are. No, they're all crazy. One day? One day. Like that's more money than like any movie would ever make. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna go with D. 905 million. Alright, so it's 815.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say C as well. Chomp Man's my favorite. It is Puck Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so anyway, thank you Ashton. Uh, Wispor, W-H-Z-4 says, Man, Simon needs to be punished. Yeaah. Can you guys please maroon him somewhere when he logs off? He'll never be able to find you. Well, Four, what'd you do? I don't know, but apparently I'm bad, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's disrespectful. That's very true. Taste of his own medicine, eh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, John Lazinski says, are you guys gonna play Ark with the new DLC?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it is worthy, I like it. I like it too, it's hard, which makes it interesting. But I do want to keep, see that's the thing, it's like we've not even got all the artifacts in the server we're on, so if we bounce over to this one, it's like now we gotta abandon that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, oh really, is it that hard, please? Ooh, service for the poor! Maybe he should be banished. Maybe. Maybe I should. You know what? Fuck it. I could use an extra six hours a week in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Fireman Bill86 says, can we please somehow get Simon to special guest star in Rage Cop? We should do that, that'd be fun. Yea, well you talked about it already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be fun. Yeaah. I don't know, we might do it sometime. Alright. I think you could just, uh, go around and check meters. Oooooh. That'd be so much fun. Yeaah, we could meter made it. Thanks, Fireman Bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Nicholas Smith says, love getting rage cop notifications while sitting in my church. My wife looked at my phone and was like, that one should wait till after the service. Your Neebs friends will understand. Ha! Show the priest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all I'm saying. Simon is a churchgoer, so he says Jesus is cool with it. Yeah. Uh, RickyBobby144 says, man, this is gonna get demonetized so fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like their algorithm, and apparently it's been doing this for a while, it's searching the tags and the titles of video and it's looking for certain keywords. I think suicide, that's one word, rape, like any word that an advertiser wouldn't want to be associated with, YouTube is flagging that video and not enabling it for monetization.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it could still happen. Who knows? We'll see. Neve's Talks, PDA. I don't even remember talking about public displays. It was in there a minute in there. Did you watch the video? No, because I've been working really hard. On your can? On stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yes, our actually podcast is officially starting. I'm gonna say it, I don't give a shit. Okay. We have a date? Yeah. Oh wow, I didn't know there was a date. Alright, I have a week. Let's change that to a week. Okay. It's gonna happen in the teens of September. Oooooh. Are you sure?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you can go both ways on that. Yeah, yeah. If you have no scope, you're no scoping. There you go, professional opinion. There you go. Derek S. Tran says Simon is becoming my new favorite or my favorite of the Neves crew. Oh, who picked that comment? Uh, actually, who did? Thicc. I picked that comment. There you go. I was curious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna take off my glasses, you can really see how swollen, uh, that eye still is, so. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He shaves his chest. He shaves his whole body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how you're LOL-ing. It was pretty fucking crazy!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many Pokemon Manhole covers can I find today in Japan? Let's find out. The first one of the day was the adorable Chansey and Jigglypuff here in Fukushima. I love them so much. Next it was us taking a bus, plus the Shinkansen, all the way up to Utsunomiya in Tochigi. And the first one we found there was Electabuzz and Squovet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Though some people were supportive of him helping his mum out, others were not so pleased to find that the team was the one behind the camera, with one asking, You're not ashamed of your mother selling herself? Do you film her like this? To which he clapped back, I'm not ashamed, I'm very serene with her decision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You obviously was starving on the mountains. What did that feel like with the starvation and the intense cold?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can swim? I mean yea. Okay, I don't know. If you back up...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you believe that stereotype? That black people can't swim? Yea. I think it's more that black people don't wanna swim. Why don't they wanna swim?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'mma, yeah, but, but I'mma have to choose to go there. I ain't just gonna land in water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't mean to be rude, I just want me to bite. Cause I've been starving myself, now I'm kinda...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm down, dude. I'm down. Let's do it. Very cool. I mean, that's cool. Very cool. Annie, you really need to take a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had an 8am appointment at the dentist. It's terrible. What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we gotta fill this, you know, the begi- they say it's the beginning of a cavity, and it's better to fill now than obviously if it progresses. They're like, it's a baby cavity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we'll take care of those two cavities. And I go, what the fuck are you talking about? Two. It's one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, no, cause it's in like the between two teeth. I go, you never said this shit. I got really heated actually. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I had, they were like, oh, you have the start of it. She was the same kind of thing. She was like, the beginning of a cavity here is better to do it now than later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, okay, so I came back today, and then they're like, so there's two cavities, and I go, what are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About 10 minutes in the procedure, she goes, good news. I go, what? She goes, it's one cavity. I go, that's what you fucking said last time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I go, I'm on to you guys. You guys have done this before. We'll fuckin' see you guys. Rohad see you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 3% on your credit card to pay for this. Cause I didn't bring cash, do people bring cash to the dentist usually? Yea, that's shady as shit. That's our fee and I was like, I have a fee, it's called finding a new fucking dentist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm having my teeth cleaned, here's four hundred dollars ca- like what the fuck are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my face is numb, I'm drooling. I keep wiping drool off the right side of my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but luckily, I didn't remember. Then she was like, hey, we have headphones here. Thank God. So listen to a podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's unfucking believable. It is really phenomenal. The story's insane. I mean, I don't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know how she does this thing where she's like, what is wrong with you? As if it's not the number one show on Netflix, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they're titillated by the fact that it could happen to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to give it, it's so good that there's definitely somebody listening who's like, I haven't, uh, you know, I've heard or maybe you consider, let's talk about it on the next one. Cause it's too good. I feel like we should give people a chance to watch it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too good. Zolo, go watch it. You gotta watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kidnapping, rapes, uh, lots of knucklehead behavior. It's really worth giving a listen to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give it a gaze. Yea, and you probably will lock your doors afterwards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you this, the people that were affected by this, none of them were living alone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one. The one that I saw. Okay, one. But the other ones were not alone. Great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some goofy guys out there. Uh, this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if I had a good teacher, yea, if he was introducing me to what's going on. You're supposed to do more than just that, did you know that? What, real warriors?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is either very true or the long play to get some cocks and balls in your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, here's the thing for, even for more, you know, like, archaic groups that knew less, feels like it's very much an intuitive thing that you always want to protect your dick and balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but I mean, actually your genitals, like most people's genitals, when they are, uhm, in danger, retreat, because it's your body's natural mechanism to protect its reproductive organs, so everything kinda goes up, and I would think that if you were in,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sniff each other's taints. I, I, I know that the Chicago Bulls did that during their- Is that right? Two, three peets. Yea, pregame. Jordan, Pippen, Horace, Graham. They smelled each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not going to be hard to convince. Uh, yea, Bert visits all... I'm sure Bert would be the easiest guy to talk into sniffing someone's taint or cupping their balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would, he would be 30 seconds in, he'd be like, alright, just hold him. Hold him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he would be easy to convince. But yeah, I'm into the idea. Especially if it makes me a warrior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look how fucking gay, look how fucking immature and like, stupid these people are. They have no idea how history works at all. The Celtics and the fucking Scottish and the samurai, they all were swallowing cum right before battle and that's how they got their energy. And you're like, oh yea, I didn't realize that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of cool stuff. Oh, you said you wanted to do air tights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to get other people explaining to them that airtight means everywhere that air can enter is plugged up, basically. Minus your nostrils and your ears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He told us that his ex-girlfriend had five guys at once, like on a naval base or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this guy was like, oh my girl did five, and everybody was like, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a pro move, meaning- I've never even seen that in play. Well, but I have. I think it's like, you know, but that's like, okay, there's camera- it's a performance. The idea that somebody in their personal life is like, all five of you- Personal!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most women have had two guys at once, if not more, he'd say. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know multiple females that have taken two guys at once. I knew a few girls that had three, but I'll do you one better. My ex took a trip to Gulfport to the military base down there to cheat on me and went up doing five at once. All holes in both hands. She literally got knocked up by a fat miserable piece of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was his original email, and I was like, come on. So we asked, could he elaborate more, and apparently he did. He can. Okay, so here we go, you ready? I'm fucking sorry. So, I gotta put on my dad glasses. This is exactly why they give you glasses, to read messages like this. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and her were off, on and off for years, like eight years or so, and she told me during one of our times apart that she'd had a threesome in Gulfport with this guy I had beef with as a revenge thing. That's just evil, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the guy I had beef with moved back to town and started working with a good friend of mine at a boat factory. Guys being guys in the break room, the guy started telling the story of what actually happened. Which included three more stories than the story that I got. So she had told that she had a threesome, but there were actually five guys there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My buddy is a murder show guy and likes investigating, so he went full detective, found the guys and verified the story. Then he hit me up to have some beers one night, told me everything that happened and showed what the guys said shortly before our wedding, which I obviously called off. I was stupid for taking her back to begin with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so I called it off, she got knocked up by some other dude, got fat and didn't do shit with her life, and I made out great LOL. Great wife, great kids, great job. But yeaah, there's tons of whores. More than I think y'all realize. I've got a lot more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three some group fuck stories, I wasn't even a part of it. I just feel like it was a common thing growing up there, but there's nothing in Arkansas to do, so maybe that's part of it. Let me know if I can help with anything else, Brock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how, but yeah, but you're actually telling what happened. It is a small, small circle and everybody talks and the story got out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, but here's the thing, how did the birthday party go that we opened with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a detail I wish I didn't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even when we've done the thing at the place, and the kids come, you're just like, god dammit, I can't fuck three guys right now. I'm too tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One. Yeaah, two would even be a lot. Well that is a lovely story. Really a testament to her energy levels as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My penis actually shrunk during the story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm glad, I'm glad that you were turned on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there were women that commented that they had done this. And I'll tell you something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those, uh, those profile pictures had something in common.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you gotta have two- Here's the thing that I'll give her credit for, or at least make sense to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's laying out that these are three people she's familiar with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not going to work. This is not going to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's clearly poly. Maybe not bi, but she's poly. She's poly. And that helps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can start with plugs first of all. You can just start with anal plugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you're just like shooting down ideas before you really think them out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could definitely do a two-way. Why don't you start with a two-way before a three-way?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But just, that's what I'm saying is why are you, just don't rush into that. Just V and mouth first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello. Yeah. Find a nice dad. I think it's a good place to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think two, I think you start with two before, you don't have to rush to three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you gotta kinda warm it up. I understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, she has great memory of it. She said it was really, really fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he has a whole new look to him. He looks terrible. Yea, this is not a good look, but this is his new look, which is jet black hair, some plastic surgery, and a Tony Stark mustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, but he's, he's, he's the guy in Char. He runs the show and he really built it up into like a absolutely enormous juggernaut of sports entertainment. I mean, it's multi-billion dollar. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A former WWE employee claimed that he sexually abused her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her lawsuit comes after the Wall Street Journal reported that last year the WDOE was investigating an alleged $3 million payment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From him to a departing female employee, uhm, Grant, who was unnamed at the time, claims she received an initial installment of a million dollars but no further payment. So she is, uh, seeking more money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, here's some of the texts. Can you read them? Regarding...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he's turned on by all this. Why doesn't he fuck her? So he would, he would, he would send her. He would fuck her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he would go, go over to this wrestler's hotel room and go fuck him right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she would do it, and then she would, she was like, I didn't like that, and he was like, yea you did, go do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. Thank you. That's, that's you Janelle. You just can't get enough, can you? In the future, it's going to be so bad that you'll demand to be fucked twice a day and not just with blank in a three way. Oh, that's somebody's name, obviously. Why not let others see the beautiful voluptuous body and watch you shake uncontrollably when you come?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just passed my phone around to a bunch of guys on the tech crew. They were screaming, oh my god, she's fucking beautiful. Look at that ass. I'd like to get that. I paused to count how loud, how many guys, there were 12. I said, okay, there's 12 of you. And she would love to fuck each and every one of you, one at a time. The guys cheered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she will only do it if she takes three at the time. That brought a huge reaction. She wants one deep in her ass, one way down her throat, one in her pussy. See, we're talking about airtight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you can pound her and keep on pounding until you pop her, you pop your load. She may scream and try to say no, although it would be difficult to say anything with a cock down her throat. They laughed. I then said, listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No matter what, just pound away till you squirt. Baby, these guys were having such a blast with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them didn't believe me, so I said, you're the greatest fuck in the world, and no matter how much you get, you always wanted more. And then I said, Chi, love, cum, baby. These techs, as we call them, were having the time of their lives listening to my truthful story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or I should say, you drove them wild. Just imagine if this really happened baby. How much cum you would have coming out of all your holes. And that's why airtight is the way to go. I mean this guy just painted a beautiful picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This reminds me of a story I read once, uhm, from Hemingway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a fantastic, very similar prose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny, like this is, you know what it is, is that it's like, it's this probably this repressed part of this guy and he's getting, how old is he? I feel like he's, I mean, he's gotta be in his seventies. He came out with 76.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this is in 2020, so he was 74 when he was 70.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's not thinking that that's gonna happen. He's just so juiced up. Yea, he's just fired up and he's just like, there's so much come and you're so good at this, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He likes that part. He liked, he also liked, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you, you know, thought of her as like this sexual, like being.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was sending her, scroll up a little bit. He was sending her to that guy's room, the guy below, right there. Uh, one down, one down, one up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy. Oh wait, that's him. Sorry, I thought that was Laurinitis. Cause he was sending her to this guy named Laurinitis. He was a bald guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think uhm, it would be fun, or interesting I should say, to see the other texts. Right? The responses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we went from having gray hair to fucking dark, dark, dark hair. At 78.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and you can do some like darker streaks in there, you know? Like you can darken it up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, would you rathers. I'm ready. I know you told me you have some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a, like a, like a Midwest. Okay, a Midwest. It's very specific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dark hair. I'll take it over that, over that mom cut any day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. It really is the ultimate. It's like somebody shutting off a valve to your penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I just, I think tall is attractive. Uhm, I'm not trying to make anybody short feel bad, but I just, as like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. That would be fine. Doesn't turn me off at all. But me being like, how are you? That's not your jam. It just feels weird. I went out with two, I dated two girls that were five feet tall. And? I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Okay, so what are you, a fucking kid? Grow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They love to wear high heels. I don't like them. And now she's fall of 5'4". No, I'm not into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then, and it's fun cause you treat them like they're little ragdolls, but it's like, you know. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're so obsessed. You really need to start talking about this more in private sessions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I try to hurt you, but I don't like, you know. What? Yeah, I'm not trying to please you, I'm trying to make you go, ow, fuck, ow, stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it is easier with the tiny ones, that's true. Yeah. Okay. They scream more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this one's... If you keep crying, I'm gonna come again. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the problem with both of these is that they are affecting every window of your day. You know what I mean? It's not like, it is how you wake up. It is, eating is like one of the pleasures of life, joys of life. And to have somebody that you're with all the time is constantly contradicting what you want to eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And constantly... Because you're saying you're not just vegan and quiet. No, I'm... You're a browbeating... Militant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause there's so much nuance to this. Right now you just made those kinda pleasant. Are you pleasant about these things? You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that bad. It's like, it's a nice thing to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, I am not a religious person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I find a hardcore vegan so unlikable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the idea of spending time with somebody like that for every meal. I mean, I'm having three meals a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least you'll shut up during fucking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause there's this practical application of that you need to eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're saying, this isn't like somebody I know, you're saying it's you. I wake up next to your fucking annoying ass every day talking about your fucking no more milk or honey and anything and I'm like, oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess like, the thing is, if you're like that with food, I guess I could do the thing where you're like that with, with your, you're like that with food, but I go, you just eat what you eat, I'm gonna eat what I eat, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, either scenario is gonna end up in like, huge arguments and divorce, yea. There's no question about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not gonna work. It's not gonna work. It's not gonna work. The vegan, I think that would break down, even like if it was like a really compassionate way of someone doing it, if somebody is totally not into it, like totally not into it, I'm not into it at all. I'm not into it at all either. I have zero interest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I gotta show you something. So you know we've been on this, we've been on this lane of like, people showing you how they live, and they're like really authentic and genuine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes they don't get hate. Sometimes I think some of these people don't. But they're just like, I don't know. This is one of the ones that I really wanted to show you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think one of the things about this guy is that he's 25, but he seems to have like the personality of like a 55 year old man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I just like so damaged and cynical?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and like he's, I just, I don't understand how he's not like, you know, more of an asshole. I guess I, am I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's he doing in DC? Does he work in politics? He's gotta be in government.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure, it's gotta be something dope though. Something dope? He's smart! Hell yeaah. Tony P? Bro. I'm so excited that Tony P's on the show. Here's some of the comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tone, my wife just saw this. Immediately download all dating apps to find you. Normally I'd be furious, but since she's chasing you, I can't help but let her follow her dreams. She likes chocolate sprinkles on her ice cream. Be good to her, Tone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Telling calls them dates, the ladies call them, on the other hand, call them abductions. Oh, that I guess, okay. Alright. Yeah. Dressed like a 60 year old public defender.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is accurate. Thank god those slacks aren't tailored. Give that jackhammer some space. So I think one of the fun things that people do is when somebody is really wholesome, they like to do this to them, you know? They like to like, press them with like, in a press.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like him. See, the, the cov, there's a whole, there's layers to this. Like, he's more aligned with Neve, the girl who has like the dad jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're wholesome. So what they do to wholesome people is they sexualize them because they don't, they know they're not ready for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're not cult, they're not asking for it, so then they do it to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell my wife I accidentally called out your bed, your name last night in bed. She's devastated and keeps apologizing. How do I get her to do it again? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Looking into your eyes is like looking into a kaleidoscope. I feel both energized and terrified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think Charles has a little more sexual energy to him though. A lot more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's something else that could happen though. This guy's genuinely, who this, I think he's authentically a really nice guy. And I think he actually just wants a real innocent wholesome girl. Like a big V, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And he gets to say sweet things and he's like, I made you some grilled chicken. And she's like, I appreciate that. And then he's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? You're jacking off in a cab and you're doing like crazy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Tony P, uh, we wish you the best of luck. I love you Tony P. Please keep posting these cool videos. Alright, ready for a break? Yea. Alright, we'll see you guys in a moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's gonna be incredible. Uhm, you have a new book before we move on. New book called Subculture Vulture. It's out now. It's the great Moshe Kashev. Hey! Glad to be back. Welcome back. Thank you for having me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, before we get in, there's a lot to talk about, but the book concept is very cool. It's broken, like you break it down into like this, these six subcultures, kind of, of your life, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's deaf. And you know sign language and it obviously became a huge part of your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, uh, I knew about, uh, Hasidic, like the Judaism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know, we were just talking in the lobby, I did not know about Burning Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why it was cool. So wait, that's, that's subculture five, four that I mentioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had a great, you always bring out something wonderful you saw. Uh, what is it, the Folsom Street Fair? Oh, the Folsom Street Fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. And they go, so there'll be an interpreter on stage with you. And you're like, what do you mean? They're like, well, somebody calls ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then depending on the size of the stage, you know, maybe 10, 20 feet away or whatever, there's an interpreter throughout your act. You'd be one of probably the only.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If not the only comedian who actually speaks sign language, do you interact then differently with them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you do like a full, like, kind of tilt of what the conversation, like a couple degrees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy that, you know, is like completely immobile. It's like a caretaking sex worker, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of nudity, uhm, your wife and Bart Kreischler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I miss, did I miss say it? No, no, no, I don't know. Uhm, but Bart went crazy one day. He was like, you'll never believe what just happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lovely. It looked so hot. Here it is, okay. Go full screen here. Let's... She's great. Yeah. So there's Bart getting off stage, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you would. And I gotta tell you something, I think it would help a lot. I think people would really like it. I think you should do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's really also, I think the most fun thing in stand-up that you can do, especially in clubs, like doing something like improv.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is being in the moment. Like you know when you're like, I did this thing in the moment. It's not like, it can't happen tomorrow. It won't happen on the later set. It's just something that was happening right now. And that's captured that like, you get an idea and you're like, that'll work if I do it right now. Or I'll try it right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember doing a, um, a weekend one time with, uh, who was the headliner? I think the headliner was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might have been, it was either Tommy Davidson or somebody else. We're at the Ontario Impov and Jay Phillips was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, because I was like, this is either going to go really poorly or really well. And it went so gangbusters. And then I got off stage and I remember saying, I go, it'll never go that well. And he goes, yeah, well, and I go, no, it won't. I'm playing off of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just saw you do this thing, and then I used it in my act. But there's no rush like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, those are moments, yeah. Uhm, okay. These are either horrible or hilarious. So, I show them to you, you tell me whether you think it's funny or not. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy that you're talking about fucking spooks me, dude. Oh, it's so scary! He literally, like, you could do a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or this is I guess from Cartelogram here. Uhm, this is one lane where they interview the guys. They don't all do interviews, but some of them do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I guess because if you're listening, you're like, what the fuck is that? Because they kind of, you know, distorted his voice and he was speaking Spanish. Basically he was saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I've killed a lot of people, I've made five disappear recently, and that I don't just kill anybody, but if you're not doing shit with your life, then you're worth killing. Uh, he doesn't just kill randoms, but it's a, it's a Sakarya, you know, it's a hitman from the cartel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does he do? Does he like, military crawl to the cell phone and try and call for help? He's super fucked. I mean, obviously...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're 0 for 2 so far, these are our 2s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No rope, no safety stuff, and that, obviously like, look at the way that, that's angled, that's tough. I mean that guy's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The rock climbers have, like the really high level ones are so freaky strong. They're just so strong. I saw a video of one of the top top top guys with Larry Wheels who's like this big bodybuilder power lifter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were doing the, like the front, like basically lat pull down here and he could do the whole, the rock climber. He looked like just like a lean, didn't look like a bodybuilder. Right. Like an athlete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And dude, he took the whole rack down, full control, down to here, and like, you could see the other guys were like, uh, I can't do that range of motion. It's not, cause they're all, you know, fingers, hands, pulling themselves up for miles on rocks sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't say that there are some things, like there's things that you, uhm, I respect, and I go, holy shit, but I have no desire to do, and rock climbing is one of them, and I go, I have no desire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I get, I've done the indoor places, you know where they have the rock walls, and it's super challenging and it's fun, but I'm like, I have no desire to go out and do this. No. Never, never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this reminds me of the old, uh, I used to hear this from comics 20 years ago. The line, they go, you know, I just can't come from a blowjob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that, that's- That's more empowering. Yeah, that's- this is done to make somebody feel like they're insufficient. They're not enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever been with- She's trying to get someone to feel like shit though too, right? Like that's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not like shooting out like that, uh, a real messy girl. I have. Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's this thing too about, you think, I think it happens maybe for men more, maybe I'm wrong, but where you go, you hear about a sexual thing and you go, well, if people are doing that, it's gotta be, I need, I'm supposed to be into it. And then you try it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but then you go like, I gotta tell you, I really tried it. That one's too far. Where it just, it doesn't do anything, like I don't feel anything from this other than I don't want to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the thing, like, it was a few, they wrote in and you're like, wow you have three guys at once. Three's a lot. That's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the one wrote in about it, the thing that made sense is that she had slept with each individually. So I think there's a real understanding of this is how this guy does, I know what he's like, I think cause, you know, it's not a porno, it's real life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see, that's the thing, is that you knew both, and that changes it. And that's why I'm here. I know the two of you, I think you're both great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. No, but he knows. He must know. And I imagine that if you found something that really detailed on like the highest ranking scholar on the samurai and it didn't mention ball cupping and nipple licking, he'd be like, this guy's a fucking fraud. Yeah, this is fake news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's a real, that's real. I guess because you, I mean it makes sense that if you do an oath that way, you definitely feel very vulnerable. Right. When you do, right? It's not just like shake my hand, it's like hold my nuts. Hold my balls and wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw her in concert, it was awesome. The only annoying thing about that concert is you're obviously surrounded, it was a smaller venue, it was in South Carolina, uhm, is that everybody around you sings what she's singing at their full volume. You're ruining this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that's what this is? Yep, always for men. I can tell you one of the things that happens though, when somebody goes like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's just make it happen. Let's do, let's, it's, he doesn't know what to say, but he likes the idea of like, yeah, getting some attention, but it's attention without like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's uhm, he's getting, all the views for this are on like a cringe site. Not on the site of origin, not on the page of origin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe like, you guys been spewing so much nonsense. So glad you brought a shaman here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. This actually has an interesting story that I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so the guy driving that, that car that hit that person was the dean of students at a private school in Tennessee. And he was, he was caught for doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they found that he had tried to do it to another cyclist. Oh, he did it on purpose. He did it on purpose and his story is fantastic. When he was questioned and you can find the audio, he goes, I was driving, I thought somebody threw a bike at the car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Through a bike, is a quote. So he goes, I thought, he was like, I was just driving and they just threw a bike and they're like, we have it on camera. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody threw a bike at your car. You hit a cyclist. He's lucky that he was let go from the job. It was like a really nice private school. Like, you know, uh, like, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pre-college, you know what I mean? Like a college prep thing. College prep school, and he was the dean of students.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He kinda timed it well, he just kinda nicked the bike. How was this on- oh, the guy behind him had a camera? Looks like the source video here, I don't know how it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another cyclist maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's great variety to them. I'll go ahead, I'll do it for you. You got Dax Shepard, Nick Kroll, the Chainsmokers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Nathan Englender, the Pulitzer Prize finalist, bestselling author of What We Talk About When We Talk About Anne Frank. Uh, Niall DiMarco, the author of Deaf Utopia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make sure you get it, it's out now, Subculture Vulture, Moshe Kasher's second book. Uh, congratulations, man. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey! You just watched an episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Replace them in like cubes or squares or whatever. Just pick another one. Maybe you'll find one you like. Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that. Don't forget to subscribe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, let's look at it. Falling in love. Oh my god. It's like handing somebody a loaded gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because at a certain point in my life You put the music to this? You gave me exactly what I needed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daily reminder, you can eat right, you can go to the gym, you can do everything imaginable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The electric car, nor in heavy amounts, there's an Armo sitting out front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't get into that mentally ill stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're having a good day and all that shit, but uh, yeaah. That's all I got, alright?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty crazy. Uhm, so you went there for the, for the book release?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks just like ya. I guess. That's your bro too, man. Cool. He's rude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Must of. Sure. So maybe these heal? That's what everyone's holding onto here. I'm gonna look like Prince. Freckle Prince. Freckle Prince.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're breaking up with somebody at a dinner. My friend is a sports reporter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll have very different lives by then. Move to another city. Another city, for sure. We'll keep moving east. I'll see you in New York!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not to get a double quarter pounder with cheese. This is a horrible talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by SATVA, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit. That's right, URL includes the shit. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Satva mattresses are the shit. And when you go to that URL, you will get $200 off any mattress of your choice. Why are you sleeping on a bed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is meant for the outdoors. That thing sucks!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They work out home delivery, mattress takeaway, and they set it up for you. If that's what you want, I highly recommend it. Go to SATVA, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit. Get $200 off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's hard to focus after that. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw this show, uhm, when I was in Europe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not on the airplane. In Europe. At a hotel. And it just has people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a dating show, it's a fun premise. Which is, hey, you're single.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's criteria, you tell them things you're attracted to and then people are behind these, uhm, glass, you know, colored like cubed walls and then they raise, they raise what you can see so your first thing is you see their genitals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you start to go like, yeah, I like that. I don't like that. And it's not what you, people react differently to what they, yeah, there's the naked attraction. Is that what it's called? Naked attraction. Yeah. Um, so yeah, it's on max right now. Uh, formerly known as HBO, which was then HBO max and that was just max.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It exposes their genitals, and then it exposes their midsection, and finally you see their face, and then they get them to say a few words. And then these people pick a date based on that. Which is, it's just fascinating, like I've never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not been into watching dating shows, hearing dating stories and stuff. And so you're kinda watching this unravel. But the big thing is that as you're watching it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It affects you differently than you, you think you're going to be like, ah shit. I want to get horny. Yeah. It doesn't really happen like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can't do anything about that and also like, I mean even the guy was like, you know, he's like, well I'm really gentle and she would have, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If she would have met, and you could see he's like a very like soft kind of meek personality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I guess we all do this, right? You pick based on things that are superficial sometimes, but to see it this way is kind of fascinating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And surprisingly, sometimes the most fit people don't get chosen, actually. Don't get chosen. Every time I saw it actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It started to get hard. That was the best part of the whole episode! That was pretty cool, so. That was the coolest part. The girl gets to pick and then the thing is at the very end when she's down to two people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She gets naked, or no, after she chooses or something, she gets naked, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe it's the final two. Whoever's picking, they get naked at the end. And so now, now you're both naked. And they had real, they were really attracted to each other. You could tell it was gonna be a match.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as he's checking her out in there and the late, the host is like, what do you think? Or he's like, oh man, she's gorgeous. She's beautiful. And then she's standing next to him naked and then they show a wide shot and his dick totally started to go like, it lifted up and you're like, he's just getting a hard on. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're just talking about porn at this point, you realize that right? Like, you're like, you know what would have been better? If I just watched a porn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so popular now to shave everything and I think it feels weird to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seemed like it. He landed on a drunken, uhm, time out in Thailand. They got drunk and his friends walked into a tattoo place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that is true that you could have picked that guy and then seen that and been like, what the fuck dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. That's how you are 90% of the time, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No, we need more information. That just shows you, maybe that's the thing you learned from watching the show. That this is not the way to pick someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really not. Uhm, alright, let's start the show. You ready? Yeaah. I think you'll like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He fucking was like, he's so upset, this is so passive aggressive. So mad. And he decided at work to be like, alright, let me tell you something, it's supposed to be break time and I'm waiting and I asked and they said someone's coming and it's like, what the fuck? Where is my break?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it, that's, that's some persons, that's the, like the mountain top of the day. I'm on break right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like a guy with tits and you're like, what's up? What's up there? Can I get a latte? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The baristas and coffee shop workers that have done a poor job of transitioning, uhm, they have a shittier toot overall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when they're just like, I look like a fucking basset hound. And, uh, you know, you walk up and they're like, yeah, can I help you? Name for the order. And you're like, how about a little sunshine? You're not exactly welcoming right now, but like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like happier, cause they're, they, like, the ugly person that's, they just know that it's never gonna work, so I think that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, I wasn't doing it, I just, it was uhm, you have just habits, the way you just like, uh, greet people and stuff, and I just walked in and I was like, what's up man? Oh yeah. You know? Like it was, it wasn't like- Oh yeah. Yeah, and they were like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like, I'll tell you who's fucking unbelievably well done at the transition, is this lady here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I tell you though, seriously, I mean it's so funny when I saw this online, but that is a trans, that is a transgendered person. Like this woman is incredibly believable. Look at her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, she looks perfect. She looks like a beautiful woman. This episode is brought to you by Manscape. The brand that took your balls to space is now launching them into the Ultra Sphere. Introducing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra featuring a new cutting edge design and next generation dual skin safe blade heads for different shaves joined the 9 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with the brand new Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra. By going to Manscaped.com for 20% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus free shipping with the code MOM. Listen, nobody th-


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code mom at manscaped.com. Your balls have been through enough. It's time to go ultra with Manscaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to see the mental break of like a real, a real right wing dude who's like, who's this gorgeous woman? You know, like shit. And then falls in love. He's like, just totally like, I've never met anybody like this. And then they're like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do, they do, they do, uh, surgery down there for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They definitely offer what you're saying right now, so let's, I don't know why we're even fucking around. I'm sold. Yes!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we're all fucking jacking off to that. Yeah, I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I think she's uhm, she's got a hard shell up. That's all I see is just somebody who's posturing. Doesn't seem like it's actually genuine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she does this to protect herself. This whole thing is a protective mechanism to not get hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you just say, I'm great alone, okay? Cause she's been really hurt by somebody, or maybe multiple people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bravo. It's fucking not- here's the thing, it's not even about need of men. People, people, need companionship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's, that's falls under the normal spectrum. You don't have to be somebody who's like, but you need to be around other people and with like the whole idea that like, I love just being with me and nobody else. That's really not true. It's not true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is. But again, it's just to protect yourself. That's why she's saying that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but I'm saying I could see, I was like, oh, that's just something she's saying because she's upset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a kick, someone's been kicking the shit out of this dog on the streets, you know? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, you're lucky that I, I was able to detect that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, they're releasing a new album.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, the single Angry, it slaps. I wanna see them. And then you go, you go, oh this, this album was written by...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom and my aunt Blanca, imagine if they were like, we got a new song that we wrote. You know what I mean? Like that's, they're 80.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're 80, and these guys are putting out bangers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, uh, I would love to see this show. I know this is going to be one of the last opportunities, but I would love to see the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, comp larger passengers for extra seats is now asking hotels around the world to make a number of changes to better accommodate overweight guests, including by making the hallways wider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a video posted to our TikTok last month, Jalen Chaney listed several ways hotels can create size inclusive amenities. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's also, I mean yea, but she's also, she's basically asking for hotels to remodel the building and, and the like interiors. Yea, it's like, it's a real crazy ask, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just really the level of delusion. Also, this person feels like, they're not just delusional about themselves, but that they're making an impact. Like, oh, what do I do? I'm an activist. I'm out there, you know, lobbying for the plus-size community. You're wasting your time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all you need to do instead of like making buildings change their structure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yeaah, I don't, I think we shouldn't accommodate at all, at all. I think, you know, you can't, if, if buildings are a problem, like we're not talking about a plane or a car, a building, this building isn't big enough, it's, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, they're out of their fucking minds now. Now they're, they're starting a, podcasters are supposed to sign up to be like governed by, uh, the, the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The government now has to have you register your podcast with them so that the same rules they impose on other communication mediums can be imposed on podcasts. It's fucking crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, I think you know what it is, it's an introduction for a dude who doesn't know he's gay, that he's gay in a palatable way. So you're like, oh, this is like a easier way to digest the fact that I'm gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's the, there's the DeRosa story. You were teasing us before that you had other ones. What are the other ones?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did that once, I didn't do the same thing, but I was, I was thought I was being like playful. I was going on, I was, I was on the show at Melrose and it was, I mean this was like more than 10 years ago and Pablo Francisco was standing on the stair above me so he was now higher and he leaned on my shoulder which was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, like, when this happened, you're like, actually, this is, like, it's cool that he's doing that. And I, I thought I was being jokey. I go, uh, a little familiar, right? Like you're getting, but I was, I thought I'm saying it like, ah, and you're like, oh, shut the fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, I'm so sorry. And then like proceeded to not talk. And then I was like, no, no, I meant that like joking. I was joking. Yeah, yeah. And like once you're down that path, you're like, I fucked up, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, uh, this is all caught on camera. I guess the man in this video is, uhm, works for the place, or he's PR, and he's part of the event. And the woman he's talking to, uhm, was in line to get into the event and was like, apparently rude to somebody. Okay. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's your guys, like, relationship? Obviously you're, you're at his, that's his festival, right? So, you guys are, have a good rapport still?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's... Does he live there? Yeah. In Vegas? Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a place here that's great. Yeah. You know where to go? Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all are picking an angle. Every guy that comes at you. Sometimes there's guys that come at you with the, uh, I could just be your friend. He's not. He's not trying to be your friend. He's not trying to be your friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then there's the guy who's like, I'm really in touch with like, every like, ounce of emotion. You're like, well this guy's like, I like this, he's the same, it's still an angle. It's all about getting laid, always. And then there's the super aggressive guy. All those are just angles that that guy knows how to work, you know? So like the super feminist guy, you're like, this guy's on my side. No he's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's like, here's the thing, like anything, the, the one, like the believable, the real thing is when it's, when someone is balanced, right? So it's like someone who's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't even know what I'm getting. You don't even know. No. What? What? A seat? It's the most... One of the... Yea, but it's the, it's the, it's the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then go to helicopter and they give you all the, and then, and then go into, then go to planes and even jets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? If you like gays and bi's, you'll definitely like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I mean, but it's probably, it's kind of like, there's a reason things are naturally set up. You know what I mean? Like, there's a reason people are drawn to like, traditional way of doing things, because people fill the roles that like, feel good to them. Some people are like, don't want to do that. It's just what works for you though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, uh, a woman who, uh, I'll tell you later who it is, who told me she dated a guy for a number of years, like a number of years, and he split every bill. Every dinner, every lunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Piggy back on some of, like some work trips so that he could stay in the hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey! You just watched an episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Replace them in like cubes or squares or whatever this is. Just pick another one. Maybe you'll find one you like. Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that. Don't forget to subscribe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would it be a bad thing for our conversation if I dated men?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't see anything wrong with it but I know you do. You do not see anything wrong with it? With being attracted to men?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it take for you not to fuck with someone? Could I say the wrong joke right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode is brought to you by Satva. Go to satva.com slash the shit and get $200 off your next order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just how long there's been human life and existence. Just billions and billions and billions of people have been alive already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they lived and they died. And then new people live and then they die. And that's just the cycle of how life is. I think we try to put more meaning into it for reasons that make sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes sense to try to give it more meaning. It makes sense to think about another


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe. The hottest flight attendants are not in the United States. Never. It's uh, it's all international. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get on Qantas, Emirates, uh, Cathay Pacific. They kinda give a shit about what the aesthetics are. Yeah, you can tell right away. You're like, oh, thank you. And you realize how happy everybody is to interact with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not grumpy Barb who's just like, oh, this is my fourth flight in 48 hours. And you're like, oof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she's like, my feet hurt. Hold on, she's trying to move through the aisle sideways cause she can't fit in it. And I'm like, god damn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The jacked gay flight attendant. Love the jacked gay one. The fucking total bear guy. Yep. Who's so jacked and he's like, what can I get you? And you can tell, you can tell he's a buzzy, but you can also tell that- Sure. That's gay for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably shouldn't give them all away, but yeaah. Buzi's okay. Uh, there's a few that are like, haha. So, uhm, but yeaah, the, the jacked, and I've seen them more and more, the, the jacked gay flight attendant, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although a lot of the women I think, you know, there's that fantasy storyline of like the flight attendant who's banging. I think a lot of them don't though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was, I think it's more in the past. I don't think it's as much today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they do, but I mean, a lot of them, come on, a lot of them, they fuckin', they look like math teachers, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know anything about you. I'm discovering things about you every day. Here's another thing about women you might not know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, big butts. You think they smell? This guy is adamant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And here's the thing, the big booty girls are coveted, right? They're desired and most men are like, I like a big booty. And he's just like, ah, that's some bullshit. They stink, right? So that's a pretty good insight. That's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think there's a kind of line for booty smells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, a little, a little something is not, you know, you know, you're in the booty. So, but like obviously a stinky ass, like your ass smell, I mean, that's a deterrent for anyone. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just out here going for a while. Okay. I like girls too. Yeah. Music. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean do? Just tell you, I mean, I thought you're sitting out here. I'm walking around, thought it was, uh, you know, possible to have a conversation with you. I didn't know you were going to be all uptight about it. Fucking bitch. Stupid bitch. What was it called? Yeah, so fascinating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's great too, because what happens is like, that truck's there, Bobby's down the street, probably at his house, he goes, that truck's been there for a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he's probably like, ah, this is further than I thought. Shuffles all the way, like, finally I'm here. He's like, how you doing? I'm Bobby. He didn't know, by the way, who was going to be in the driver's seat. He was just ready to suck anyone's dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, but I don't think, from where he walked from, it's like how do you see who's in the driver's seat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought, I think he thought, there's a truck that means there's a dick in there and I'm gonna suck it. Just any trucker dick. Yea, I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it could have been like the king, the king above 18 could have been there. He'd be like, how you doing? Suck your dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not super high, but I think it's respectable. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, oh yeah, how's your truck doing? So he switched it up. He's like, how do I get out of this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's gonna suck. That's what he's thinking right now. Today's such a bummer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. We really are cousins, people don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I jokingly say whenever we see each other, we have an agreement we will dress the same, you know, as a joke. This happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Organically. This was not, we didn't actually plan this out. Right. That's why it's so miraculous. He hit me up and he's like, hey, you're, you're performing in Aspen. I'm going to come to Aspen to hang out and watch the show. I go, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, show day, right? I'm doing the, this is the second day. I text him, I go, hey, you know, here's, here's where to go. Here's where your tickets are, that kind of thing. He's like, do you need anything? You know, he's being like, the way supportive family is before a show. Like, do you need me to bring you? Are you looking for any, like, I know, yeah. And I go, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, no, I'm good, I'm good, uhm, I'll see you, uh, I'll see you after the show. And I said, you know, they'll bring you backstage after the show. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comes backstage, like, I've obviously been on stage in this, he comes backstage in this, and I go, what the fuck, he goes, I know, he goes, you walked on stage, and my friend was like, did you guys call each other to dress, this happened completely organically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're related. So the relation for people who have asked is that my mother's mother


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And his father's mother are second cousins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not his cousin, that's his male lover. This is what Robert Paul wrote. So they can, they co- what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big beak, self-praised sagura.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With what? With- Was bi. Was bi now, he is gay, but way too late- Where's your dad's glasses? I know, they're here. Way too late- Oh. Where's your trans glasses? Oh my god, for this old goat, is a no gay pride shame. I don't know what the fuck that means, but- I don't know. He's been going hard- oh, I love that he- your fashion statement, are I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your style of dressing is so old, men, goats, I would never be seen with you. Humpty and Humpty dressed alike for, to see as their love was real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As these two rejected men shared a bed and done the nasty as dirty old Tom Goat would now, I wonder, Louis CK is on another tour he goes to meet. What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, oh, you definitely seem like you're the older one. I'm like, great, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now they're like, uh, and then I get, oh, we can see where the good genetics went. I'm like, great. Thank you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50 times left, 50 times right, up, down. God, we gotta get in touch with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now you can get grocery delivery that actually delivers too. With thousands of grocery stores to choose from, you'll find the best in your neighborhood and boost your local economy with each and every order. You'll get exactly what you ordered or they'll make it right. So sit back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enjoy quality groceries just like you picked them yourself. Get 50% off your first DoorDash order up to a $20 value when you choose the code MOMFALL at checkout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Limited time offer, terms apply, that's 50% off, up to $20, no minimum subtotal, and zero delivery fees on your first order. You download the DoorDash app in the app store and enter the code MOMFALL. Don't forget, that's code MOMFALL, M-O-M-F-A-L-L.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fun days of summer are ending. School is starting, routines are changing, transitions can be hard, and it can leave you feeling low.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking to a therapist can give you a real lift, but you may not be sure how to get started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talkspace has made it easy to find a therapist you like. It's super convenient to meet online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can be at home or wherever you're most comfortable. I'm a huge proponent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been doing it for years and honestly, I would not know what to do, who I would be, what I would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it weren't for therapy, I highly, highly recommend it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until something bad happens to talk to a therapist. But why wait? You can get a therapist


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, this reminds me of your, I'm just blown away that you're like, oh, these pilots are looking good. But you pointed out to me the other day,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to be clear, I, you have this observation and then I join you and you go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you see this, uh, attractive man with this woman, and I'm like, yeaah. And you're like, what do you think's going on there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do a full questionnaire and then I'm like, I tell you my thing and you're like, good guess. I spoke to them. I figured like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I, I do uhm, and, and you're also like, can you believe that that guy settled with this fucking broad? Very rare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My guess was that they've been together a long time. So she may have even been with him before he kind of came into his good looks or his physique, which is the truth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah. But as men, yeaah, we get like, first of all, you get greys and people are like, wow, those look great on you. So dignified. Yeaah, it's just kinda, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's true. It's crazy. Yeah. That is the ship. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wait! I can't wait! Your final lesbian stage is the way out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's cool. Good luck in acquiring it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For that? You imagine what that cost of that is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it cost to buy? That's what it was on the market for. Did it have a different sale price? Oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still be a nice guy like a Hal who's like Christine. I bought a rose for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, aren't you like in your 60s or 70s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now. And actually here's the thing, every one of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every one of you, there's guys that are like, you're exactly what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then everything that you're insecure about, there's a guy out there that actually fucking loves that. Loves it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. Treat me like, decently. I know. And the gremlin woman's like, he's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, let's see, you die, let's say you die, I don't know, a couple months from now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how old are you when, when, when you die? You're in your 60s bro. Oh 60s, okay, so things have really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Faded. Alright, yeaah. I guess I probably would fucking go to Medellin, Colombia. And, uh, spend a little time down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, no, that's, that's, that's smart. Yeaah, you don't want any part of that at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this guy's, he's back and forth, you know what he's doing? He's got some business in the states. What do you think he has? I think he has like vending machines or something, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't look like it was done at the high level of the states.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? There's some things where a discount is not gonna... Teeth? Yeah, if you're like, I gotta get my fucking nose job. It's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fucking go into debt and go with like the top people. It's your face! Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then think about this though. Like let's say it doesn't go well, then what are you gonna do? Well then you're gonna pay one of those top guys to fix it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So pay the top guy out of the- don't get it done. Don't get it done. Facelift at a discount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sixties? I'm in my sixties? I'm gonna be fuckin' like, I don't, you know, I'm not gonna wanna tour, I'm not gonna wanna do any show business, I'm just gonna be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, you know, the boys are going to be like, eh, what's up dad? You know, it's cool. I'm busy. They're not going to like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Yeah, but here's what I do. I set up a healthcare system of doctors here in the states, but I live in fucking Thailand, Brazil, Columbia, Philippines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if I have some serious shit, obviously. Yeah. I mean, little checkups, I could probably do, but like, yeah, I do my, I, what I do is I get cleared, Doc's like, you're good to go. I'm like, I'll see you in like six months, nine months. I'll come back for another followup. Okay. Go down there, vacation, taking some sun, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a real pussy, and I think he actually eats really well. I think he takes care of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, I do, I would do, uh, like a cool...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Place near a beach and that's like, you know, that is not expensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And spend time there. I don't think I would like that. I'm moving here, but I would, yeah, I would do like an extended stay somewhere that has like a cool vibe, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what would be so funny? As if you were just doing your regular scrolling through the talks and then you found your dad like, hello, so I want to talk to some of the guys out there. You know, all these fucking bitches here are the worst. And he just starts doing these videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he likes attention, so it's weird that he didn't gravitate towards social media.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charles not really like, you know, I make her do like podcasts and stuff, right? But she does like personal attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not. Cause our friends were like, uh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, hey, let's hang out. Let's go over here. And then we went for a swim. I was like, let's go for a swim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like we're getting in there and after a minute they were like, is uh, is Christina coming? Yeah, she's probably just like, getting ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like, you know, 20 minutes went by and they're like, everything alright with Christina? I go, you know, probably one of the boys is holding her up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then like, hung out some more in the pool, got out of the pool, you know, dried off, changed, hanging out in the living room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, hour and a half or something. And then like you walked out and you're like, what's up guys? And they were like, hi. And you're like, yeah, I just, I just nap. You're just like right in there. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a forced nap. Yeah, that's where your body's like, no, this is not an option right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 to 12 will put you down. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, speaking of that car idling, you know the other day I was here at the office and I went out front and uh, the car was idling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think Zolo walked out and he was like, yo, this is loud as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's really loud. I realized it too, cause they were like, talking to me and I was like, what? And they were like, the mouth was moving and I was like, hold on. And they were, I had to walk around and I was like, what's that? And they were like, that's really loud. I can see why the guy was bothered. I was like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. No, he sucked. He did suck. He still sucks. Fuck him. But just to round out the story, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I would say you're not embracing rudeness. That's not the way to say it. I think you just, no, you're just embracing like listening to yourself and not, not necessarily making choices that are to please others.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More of my life. A lot of us make that shift as we get older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, saying what you feel, saying what you mean. That usually takes a while to get to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look good. You don't look so good, but you're fun. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You definitely are. Uhm, speaking of the coolest of guys, uhm, you know, we, uh, you know, we played a video that we were blown away by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, a few weeks ago, there was a man who had nared his asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and turns out he's a pretty cool guy that keeps making cool videos. That's not the only one. So here's another Kevin Leonardo video. You can find these on YouTube uncensored.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are his balls. Yeah, sack, dick, asshole, all way right out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little stuffy animal. The little robot plushie, yeaah. And it's, it's just, uh, yeaah. They, they punch in so that you can see really close. Oh that, oh that's how long your asshole hair is. I didn't realize it. Uhm, and this is again, YouTube's like, well yeaah, he's educating people. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that. And then uhm, yeaah, he's making sure that everybody knows. So let's peel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We propose doing our own educational videos with our very own Dr. Drew on this channel. Dr. Drew is game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have reached out to people to participate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, for how to examine your testicles, your breasts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, maybe not that one. But Dr. Drew...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, uh, is down and we're making these. So we are making these and we will be releasing our own educational videos. Thank God. On our very own YouTube channel and we hope that you're, uh, excited about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dr. Drew just got a wild hair in his ass and just was like, and this is how your dick goes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, but we're super excited and they will be educational. They won't be, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, uhm, our friend, uh, what is it? Mantarchia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the 50 times left, 50 times right, you know, sexual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that's him, and uh, this video, he's explaining about the prostate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's doing a demo in front of people and it's a, it's pretty, I mean it's pretty graphic, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we're watching a woman who's wearing gloves that is attempting to learn how to, uh, massage and handle the prostate. But our cool friend is holding up a guy's bag with his bare hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he's showing how to really manipulate the prostate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he really is. How do you guys feel about your prostates getting manipulated like that? Are you into it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I can handle that part if you want to just get the gloves. I'll pull up the bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will have already shit when this happens.


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[Assistant] It's probably in the video before that we don't have, you know? Alright. I don't think he's like, just not addressing...


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[Assistant] I don't wanna broadcast it. Who says I wanna fuckin' broadcast it? I just wanna fuckin' do it.


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[Assistant] Okay, uhm, alright. Well, listen, little doggie, on your way home,


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[Assistant] Go get some latex gloves. 50 times, right? 50 times. Get some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take my rings off? No. Uh, I'll get, I'll get some enemas too. Alright?


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[Assistant] I did not. It was disgusting. Nooo. You're full of it, man.


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[Assistant] Love you too. And we're back and we've got something to tell you.


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[Assistant] Joining us from outside the booth is the one and only, NADAMS!


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[Assistant] Uhm. Shalom, shalom. Shalom, shalom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it, was it, was it 2016? It was 2016. Wow. Are you sure? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's why I don't think that that's inaccurate. Can I tell you why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's the thing, I remember meeting you at this coffee place in Redondo Beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we were already not living down there in 2016.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're moving on. I think uhm, everybody is curious about a couple of things. Number one, what's gonna happen with the marathon in November?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do have a lot of great memories of you and uhm, we've actually put together a little, uhm, video.


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[Assistant] Do you know, like, what, like, what kind of stuff you're gonna be doing? Is it?


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[Assistant] Gotcha, and you'll do it on YouTube and on Patreon.


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[Assistant] But like, what's more probable? That someone's like, I'd love more content, here's money. Or, I'd love to jack off to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a guy, and I'm a guy, and I like red hair, and cool Irish guys, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, do you stay on in the comedy world or do you step out of that too for podcasts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this is very funny that one of the last things I asked you to do was to cut something out of the two bears. You didn't cut it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's really, you know, honestly like you really forced us into like a diversity thing and to have that leave is not cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's like, you know, when you joined the team, we were like, fuck, this is really getting diverse. I don't know how I feel about this. But then we accepted it. And now that like one of our most diverse employees is leaving, you know, it's like, wait, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, yea. Dude, we don't do that, man. He's, he's made it, let us know that he's a devout follower. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Gotcha, gotcha. And you're definitely not gonna stop that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's definitely affecting you, but it's not enough to like change your personality and stuff. No, no, no. Right, right, right. Uhm. I had a good week in Vegas. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did hit that a few times and I hit a few grand a few times. And then I won, uh, five grand on blackjack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I am taking a Vegas trip just to gamble, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I loved- I love that for you, man. Nah, thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, we're really- Happens to all of us. Happens to everybody. Uh, we're very excited that, you know, you're, you're gonna be doing stuff and, and we'll definitely be following along. And we'll see you soon. We will. We'll see you soon. Yeah, I hope so. Uhm, so that's it. Uh, thanks for stopping in. Thanks for talking about it. And, uh, uh, Temple Beth Shalom.


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[Assistant] I mean, if it doesn't take away sensitivity, I might hit the balls up. You might hit the balls up. Yea, I might get them a little rounder, you know what I'm saying? And how about your dong? You won't get that filled out more?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he went backstage and they were supposed to see if a trans woman could get him hard. And he didn't want to do it in front of people. Then they went backstage and then he came back and he was like, I came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing of comedy is like, the whole time I'm like, please guys, it's for real. I feel like I'm convincing people to take me seriously. And then they put up this food menu and it's like, you have to go up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To these people as an artist and be like, I'll take a finger blaster.


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[Assistant] I mean, we did a bit with the menu for a while, for too long, like just standing in front of it saying the things and laughing on drugs. That's fun. Okay. Now the stripper. You gotta do it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kidding to whoever let me rent this jacket for this podcast. Uhm, but we go to the strip club.


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[Assistant] What were we doing before the strip club that we got so fucked up?


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[Assistant] In a hippopotamus suit waiting for us at a party bus. So we're like, this is gonna get crazy. I get onto this party bus and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ran into this girl, Teffy, who is like this pop culture, like incredible, uh, red carpet, like influencer girl. She's incredible and she was on the bus with her friends and they weren't comedians and they were like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's this really beautiful black woman? And, and, and Jamar's defense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in his defense, the day before they did bring strippers from the club to promote at the shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's only two normal people in the party bus. Meaning not comics. And Sarah, we're all fucked up. I'm kind of sitting on Sarah's lap. Sarah's kind of on Jamar's lap. Like we're squashed in like sardines. So it looks like Sarah and Jamar are together. It kind of looks like a weird orgy with all the comics at this point while sitting on each other's laps.


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[Assistant] So Sarah's sitting with Jamar, and it looks like they're kind of together. So when she says that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it looks like Jamarna's girl. So then she's already pissed the whole ride. I don't hear this. I don't know this happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get to the strip club, hanging out. This girl's going off about Jamar. She's like, he called me a stripper. Fuck that dude. And then I was like, he's a, I go, he's a really nice guy. I don't know. He's the best. He's one of the best guys ever. We look over and he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grabbing money from the strippers and chucking it back at them.


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[Assistant] And is ar- and is so fucked up, you're drunken on mushrooms and you're so fucked up, she has like stacks of dollars in her hand and she keeps dropping them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a line of 17 strippers behind us trying to entertain men longer while we waited for Sarah to figure out her pin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I come back and that black chick is fucking pissed.