[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The car giveaway is one of the biggest moments in TV history as far as talk show history. Everybody got a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's kicking off her season and I guess they quizzed the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And ask them about who, like all these people needed a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they thought they were drawing just one underneath the seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but then when they started reaching, everyone had a box containing keys, 276 vehicles donated by Pontiac. Wow. All the owners end up paying several thousand dollars in income tax. Uh, but that's where the you get a car, you get a car thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the people bringing it back, but yeah, uhm. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, oh yeaah. I guess that's them breaking out the box before they open it. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think this is top 25 TV guides, top 25 of anything, not just open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know what the other two are. Uh, but Tom Cruise is on there. This is number four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I rewatched the Tom Cruise. What did it say? Number three, two and one. I mean, can you find it? Yeah, I'll look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright. The Tom Cruise thing, I mean he does that crazy, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She defended him. She said in the spirit of the show, the way that the audience was asking, the way she was presenting the questions, he was just playing along into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She kinda defended him as far as just how crazy he acted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was about that time when he was saying some other stuff that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then of course seeing Katie Holmes split up, not too long after that, or, or I don't know how long it was, but they did split up. That's what she was, that's what he was jumping up and down about was talking about Katie Holmes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he and Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando rarely ever did interviews.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was very, very weird. It's at the very end of this clip, but it's just so bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where Seinfeld gets very upset with him about his question. I watched it again last night. It's just very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the question he asked wasn't like everyone else because he seemed clueless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From my TV days, that annoys me, cause do some basic research. The producers should at least give you who this person is, so you don't have to ask that dumb question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like you said, the guy said to you one time, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when people who try to be funny on talk shows, can you pull up that Tyra Banks clip?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tyra Banks comes on her show and tells the audience, comes out and says, I got bit today by a rabid dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm not myself today. Then sits down for a real interview with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a person after telling us, and they're all excited to be there. You can go play it. She just sat down with this person about to interview him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A guy died on set on the Dick Cavett show. This never, never got released, but he was a septigenarian. What is that? Is that 80?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Caught himself like an old person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard it in articles. I've never heard anyone call themselves that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, anyway, this septuagenarian was on the Dick Cavett show. He called himself Mr. Organic, talked about his new, his health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] tips including urine soaked asparagus and he brea- he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It happened so close to airtime that they weren't even sure if the family had been notified yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only thing I remember about that when I was a kid, now it's all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that made news before it aired, so the day it aired, we set our VCR to record it. That was a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I said Charlie Chaplin and uh, Groucho Marx.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we figure, there was a serial killer at Vol State that we talked about. Did we figure out if you were there at the same time? I don't know. You're talking about the fast food killer? Yea, it was in the late 90's. Is that when you were at Vol State? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in his sentencing... I always felt like he was in another place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sentencing, this defense asked, he shouldn't be sentenced to the full extent because he has a broken brain. That was the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple more, in Phil Donahue's show in 1985, a bunch of people started fainting in the studio audience. One at a time, they started collapsing, and they thought something was going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On purpose? Turns out later they found out they faked it. There were a group of people that all faked it. And they were with an organization called Fight Against Idiotic Neurotic Television. Called Faint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they thought there was like a gas in the room or it was overheated or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple of recent ones, Dakota Johnson calling out Ellen on her show. This was just a couple of years ago for not coming to her birthday party. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She called, Ellen says, why didn't I get invited? And she's like, actually you were. And she won't let it go. And finally holds Ellen and Ellen has to ask producers like, oh, I was out of town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She earned a 2018 Billboard Music Award nomination for Top Female Rap Artist along with Cardi B and Nicki Minaj.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I do have a couple more. Wendy Williams, you'll love her. Dua Lipa, she couldn't say her name, so she was calling her Dua Peep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where now she's got like a, people call her doula Pete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she didn't change it, but for officially, but she goes with it now because Wendy Williams just couldn't say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And basically saying you're soft, because he's L.A. Rams quarterback, and I guess gym room's probably in L.A.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he tells him, you call me that one more time. You'll see what happens and he does. And then he knocks the table over, shoves him down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, just recently someone tweeted, what's one athlete do you most want to punch? And Jim Everett said, Jim Rome. And he's like, Oh wait, you said athlete. So he's still not over it. It's still a thing between them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I know some worst talk shows, uh, this is according to ratings, not my opinion. Pat Sajak's show, I know Henry said that it was killing, but not according to my research. It didn't last very long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the past Ajax show, he was, he, uh, was a weatherman in Nashville, Channel 4. He took Dan Miller, the long time anchor at Channel 4 as his sidekick, to LA with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just didn't work out. Dan Miller came back to Nashville and went back to anchoring the news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It aired on Fox, I remember this, it lasted for five weeks. And then it was cancelled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all trying to go up against Carson, especially when Carson left and they just couldn't do it. Magic Johnson had the magic hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how long that last? Uh, not very long. His sidekick was Craig Shoemaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple more, Alan Thicke from Growing Pains, remember that? Yeah. Oh yeah. He had a talk show. Thicke of the Night. Didn't, Big in Canada, didn't work in the US. And John McEnroe, show on CNBC from July to December of 2004.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it would be a really small amount. So that means like, I mean, just very, very small, did not even register.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember when Hugh Grant was on Leno right after he got arrested?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that switched Leno to first place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he and Letterman were back and forth, I think Letterman was, I've read this somewhere, that interview, everyone watched, Leno was funny I guess, and I've read that that kind of like was the beginning of him taking over first place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's funny cause Joaquin Phoenix had that. He had the big thing. The big thing with Letterman when he was doing a character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in Roanoke, Virginia with Leanne Morgan and there's, supposedly we're going to get a flight. I don't know how much they got, but all flights were canceled. Uh, I was supposed to fly home at 6 a.m. yesterday. We were up for a hit. They canceled all the flights night before, so I went to the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I drove all night and got home just when it changed from rain to snow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's almost like that little airport just like, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you didn't feel weird about watching the TV while you drove just, just because he hadn't seen the show. That's what made you feel weird about it. Yeah, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seemed like people in the South call it toboggan, people in Canada call it toque, and the rest of the US calls it a beanie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people will send me articles saying there's different variations. Everything's technically a beanie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stocking cab. But the poll we did, Beanie dominated, cause I think most of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. And I didn't even think anything about it when you said it last week, cause that's what I call it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said, we're going to leave our mask on if that's okay. And I was like, yeah, sure. I thought, all right, they're being very careful, which I respect. And we take a picture. Then Leanne comes out and they see her and freak out and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, can we get a picture? And she says, sure. They all take their mask off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how do people learn of those? Is it just on the website? Like when you buy tickets?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we get a lot of emails from people asking how to do meet and greets and I honestly don't even know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your previous hour, you had some references to a previous hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I call it the wrong theater from the stage. Oh yeaah. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the right city, I just called it the theater of the wrong name. And then, uh, they immediately, I could just tell by the look on people's face, like what? And then I was like, oh wait, I said the theater from the night before. So then I corrected it on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I was thinking. Cause Sunny said that they were going to play there this year. Yeah. So I mean the lockout ends. So they, I guess they got a planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's fine, everything's, everything's good, but we were still there when I had to go do the hit, so I went outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to go do the interview. There you go. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not just radio, it's like streaming service and then Ruth being discharged. So you're on. I'm on, like, you can watch me and I see Ruth being discharged, walking out and, uh, it was just- Do you have the video of it? Yeah, I mean, there is video of it. That's not it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see a really quick, just get in the car behind me on there. It's, uh, morning's on Main Street. I think it's what it is if you want to pull it up, but it's, uh, it was just so funny and just the craziness of it all. And then she just sat in the car until I finished it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a tag, I don't think you can see it that said visitor triage that I was wearing while I was doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I went to the sleep doctor. We had to drive separately because I had to go to that one first. I was the only person in there under 70, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but they did get transported. I think they're fine, but they took them to the hospital. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grab a pair of the Weather Repellent Wool Dasher Mizzles from Allbirds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Discover your perfect pair at AllBirds.com today. That's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talkspace therapists are experts in dozens of specialties including anxiety, depression, relationships and more to help you start feeling better. Make mental health part of your daily routine with Talkspace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, that's the thing you have to cancel. You have to go into Taco Bell to tell him or mail him a letter. So they think this is going to be the new way to fast food restaurants are going to start doing stuff. Just like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the complaint about it. Like who can they just eat, go in there and eat one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't, you go order more, but that's why they probably try to get you to come in. They're like, you'll buy more while you're there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But there are regal passes now and things like that. If you see two movies a month, I think it more than pays for itself, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taco Bell, that might be worth it if you got like one free meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so next week, uh, next Tuesday, to be specific, at like 4.50 in the afternoon, and the asteroid is passing by Earth. It's 1.2 million miles away, which is very close by asteroid standards. So close that they said you can see it with just a small telescope, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two Empire State Billions, I think that's what they compared it to. If it hit the earth...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said anything within 25 square miles would be destroyed. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's not like one of these that like wiped out the dinosaurs, but it would, it would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's traveling 43,000 miles an hour, so you'd have to move pretty fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's the closest since it was estimated to pass in 1933. These things, they come back around. So this asteroid's been here before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, now NASA has started this program called DART, Double Asteroid Redirection Test.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why it's called double, but it's basically, they're testing it out later this year where they're sending, uh, a spacecraft that run into a asteroid to see if they can knock it off course. And they're just doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to see if it works in case an asteroid ever was going to hit Earth so they would have a way to stop it from hitting us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it might just bounce off. I'm like, nope, still coming. Yeah. But they're testing that to keep us from. I hope it works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's next, uh, is tomorrow, right? The 18th. Oh, you're right. It's supposed to come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well if you do Aaron, just jump in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These went from 22 liters to 27 liters. Oh, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Matthew Stafford's wife, uh, just told a story on her podcast about going on this trip with uh, where they met Leonardo DiCaprio. Have you heard this? So Matthew Stafford, quarterback for the Rams, he and his wife went on vacation together with Matt Ryan, quarterback for the Falcons, and his wife. They were in Bahamas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were sitting at this restaurant and I think they even had empty seats beside them and Leonardo DiCaprio comes in with his girlfriend. They pull up a chair next to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The girls are going to go to the beach to lay out. They walk down to the beach. Leo's down there warming up and taking it serious. And his girlfriend's down there too. And some other people and they're like, Oh crap. They're really, they call Matthew Stafford, Matt Ryan said, get over here. Leo's down here warming up to play. So they leave the golf course. They come running back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, Matthew Stafford's wife, she's a wild card herself. She got, I don't think she can even go to their games anymore because she gets in fights with fans and stuff like that. She has her own podcast. So I think she just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. This company. I gotta, I gotta use that. I have like Brit box or something. Yeah, go to Truebill, knock it all out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, can you put a particular person? Can you put Nate? Can you put Nate? Yea, let me see. Let's try this out. With quotations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This wrote a little bio for you, essentially. Oh yea, cause I was gonna say screenplay. What are we gonna do, like a screenplay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now to clarify, this episode is going to come out after some other ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of Vitamin D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And five free travel packs with your first personage. That's athleticgreens.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Is it, that's different than Pinterest? I don't even know what Pinterest is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would he not be? I just think it, your resume, you put all the stuff that makes you look best, and then they're like, well alright, tell me something you did that's actually went above and beyond, and if you don't have a good answer,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you say? What have you done that's been above and beyond? Well, it depends on what the job is I'm interviewing for. Your spot on this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to Staples today and bought that frame and that Etsy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, these hats we're wearing, uh, folk Matt Parrish lives in Memphis, gave us these Grizzlies hats. The Grizzlies are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our new partner as a product we've all started using every day. We all started taking athletic greens because none of us eat very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all looking for simple ways to try to be more healthy and this is a great start for the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do it every morning. I get up before my stomach wakes up, then know I'm hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good going into your body. I may be addicted at this point. It's getting a little too good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I take it on the road with me. They got a travel pack. It's very easy to take with you on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now it's time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition, especially with cold and flu season. It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been doing two scoops, so whoops. To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, that's AthleticGreens.com slash Nate to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what size drink you get usually?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll put in some more. I bet you're up to that blue already. It's up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shell's the gas that they serve, but Twice Daily's the market, I think. Twice Daily's the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. So today we're talking about life hacks. Yeah, come on. Here's one for you to keep a perfect crease in your pants. Take your pants off before performance. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a real thing. Larry David, somebody did that and Larry David learned that's a real life and put it in the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need cutlery. You need cutlery. Cutlery. Cutlery. Alright, I'll stick with the life hacks from...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not my own, but when you want to cross out a word you don't want people to see, instead of scribbling over it, write random letters over that original word. Does that make sense? Do you have that website I sent you? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put other letters over it and then it's just all, these aren't things I came up with. These are from lifehacks.org.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the first one I gave, we did 30 minutes on, so I thought, boy, this is going to be a, tie a ribbon around your luggage at the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When taking a picture, squint your eyes to make your smile look more genuine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Use plastic egg crates to store away Christmas ornaments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would remember when Memphis, University of Memphis was Memphis State. Do you remember that? I remember that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Erin, maybe you should just show them instead of me reading them. Just read one. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's hard to say until I tell them, wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage and put it in the freezer in 15 minutes, it'll be ice cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? I get horizontal because I think of horizon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so, if you guys... Olympics going on, right now. Yea, World Records being set every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the luge? That's on a sled?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you were forced to have to set a world record, someone had a gun to your head, what would you go for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a guy in, uh, Idaho who in 2021 set out to set a new world record every week. And he did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 52 world records last year. 43 have been verified by Guinness. Uh, there's nine left to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, pending review. I think they're new world records that he create. Like, that's the thing, they're adding world records all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he just come up with stuff like, first guy to do this or that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That it was like, fastest time to wrap a person with wrapping paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff like that, but he set a new world record every week. Most apples thrown and caught in the mouth in a mouth in one minute. How many? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was about to say guys, we are all world record holders. That's right. Because we did the longest stand up comedy show ever. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so what was it? 80 hours that the first time we said, we've said it like two or three times, but it was, uh, here in Nashville.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple of local comedians got together, Chad Raiden and DJ Buckley. It was at the East room here in Nashville and we did it for what? Six days, something like that. Six, seven days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there were rules, had to be 10 people in the audience at all times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I can't remember some of the others. Uh, each comedian had to do, I don't guess it mattered how many you did. Just, there had to be somebody on the stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And comics came from all over to be part of it. Uhm, just drove in, crashed at people's houses. It was, it was a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Aaron Berg. Yup. Yup. It used to be held by Steve Byrne. Yup. Through this here in Nashville. Is it real? It's in the Guinness Book of World Records? Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, when I googled most sets, I mean, it came up. I don't know if Guinness honors it or not. Yeah, he did, uh, 25 sets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Steve Byrne did 13 in one night and that held for a while. They did a documentary on that. 13 or bust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, but then Aaron Berg set out to double it or he'd set out to do 23. He did two more. He had 25 sets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The world record that they said is the hardest to authenticate and that's probably been fudged the most is oldest person because up until the last really hundred years, birth certificates,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things like that. It was up until at least the 1900s. They just didn't have a good way to authenticate. So people would come out and say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My grand, great, great grandfather was 145. And then you got to try. He said that high people have people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? Yeah, and then you gotta try to authenticate it and it's, it's really, really hard, you know. Now, everyone who's alive should have had a birth certificate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. There's a lady now that's 119. Really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Less underdeveloped countries that claim to be really, really old, but there's just no good way to authenticate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the way they would do it, like they would look in a Bible where someone wrote the birth or something in a Bible. Yeah. Things like that. I mean, in biblical times, people live 900 something, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't have barbers back then to help them out. The record that they say will probably be the hardest to broke is the world's tallest man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just that. I think his internal organs just couldn't keep up with his growth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think when he was little, he married too quick and then he was like, Oh my gosh. And then he was like, I should have held out. Could have got something better. And then he got real tall and was like, I'm glad I stuck with her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy who set the world record for the heaviest person ever.


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[Assistant] Joe Brower Menock. He also set the world record for most weight lost and largest weight difference between him and his wife.


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[Assistant] He weighed 1400 pounds. Okay. His wife weighed 110.


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[Assistant] The most watched man on TV. Anyone want to guess?


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[Assistant] When the baby's first born, it's important to have it on the mom's chest. Skin to skin contact. Then, the dad's supposed to do it. On his, take your shirt off. Skin to skin. We're doing this burning class. They put up a picture of the rock with his baby on his chest. And then I'm up there with a stuffed animal.


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[Assistant] Uh, this was just set the most points scored in a women's division one basketball game. Not as much as I thought. This was like two weeks ago.


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[Assistant] Uh, most points for a guy, 138. I mean that's, where? That's some small college.


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[Assistant] Uh, Grinnell College, wherever that is. You know what record that it seems like it was?


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[Assistant] It's fair, but it just seemed almost, Melvin Gordon set the record for most rushing yards in a game.


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[Assistant] Broke like a, the Daniel Thomas is like 27 year old record. The next week, someone broke his record.


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[Assistant] Who was it the next week? It was, uh, I think the guy who's just playing the Super Bowl, Sammy Pr-Prin, how you say his name? Pr-Prin. Yeah. But he held it, he held it for one week. Uh, this is college.


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[Assistant] No, that's the, you might be talking about career rushing. I don't, I don't think so. Well for single game, there it is. There it is.


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[Assistant] Uh, most hours ever on television, Regis Feldman. 16,000 hours. Go Irish. Oh, he's a Notre Dame grad. Oh yeah. Is he the most famous Notre Dame grad?


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[Assistant] Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe just set the record with the new Spider-Man movie, longest time spent as the same Marvel character.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Do you know what the longest golf drive of every is in a professional golf tournament?


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[Assistant] At the Texas open, I thought you knew it. No, you don't want to press this right. Cause you didn't even bid over. Yeah.


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[Assistant] The guy, uh, it was, he drove it 300 yards and then it hit the cart path and it went past three different holes down the cart path.


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[Assistant] Some people think 10 cup, that scene maybe came from this, where it just keeps going and going and going.


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[Assistant] Uh, pro golfer Mark Witt, the 1991 Ben Hogan Knoxville Open, drove a ball 300 yards, but it went to the left, went down the fairway, rolled down a hill backwards and rolled backwards 250 yards. Going 50 yards. Wow.


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[Assistant] The longest putt ever made was 125 yards. Is that Jack Nicklaus?


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[Assistant] No, this was just like an amateur, but it was, uh,


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[Assistant] This was a 66 year old guy playing in St. Andrews and the first two guys in front of him, the wind was at their back and they went way over par three.


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[Assistant] And then it went over the hill, like I guess there's a little, they couldn't see it and then they couldn't find the ball and it was in the hole.


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[Assistant] I forgot what you're talking about. All right. Uh, most movie tickets sold gone with the wind. Hmm.


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[Assistant] To adjust it for what ticket prices are now, it brought in 3.4 billion.


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[Assistant] I was going to say that the local newspaper, the Tennessean here,


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[Assistant] So, you can put your name in the paper for Hole-in-One, or at least you're used to it, but you have to have two witnesses on the hole with you. And it'll list it, so-and-so hits it.


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[Assistant] I know this 25 year old guy from Brooklyn, most binge watch TV hours. He did 94 straight hours, binge watching.


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[Assistant] Watch Bob's Burger, Game of Thrones, Kirby Enthusiasm, Battlestar Galactica, among others. Set the world record.


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[Assistant] Can we just ambush him with a diabetes interview when he got here? That'd be hilarious.


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[Assistant] Make every day feel like a getaway with incredible scents inspired by the great outdoors.


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[Assistant] Everyman Jack uses responsibly made packaging and their products are all cruelty free.


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[Assistant] Everymanjacks, men's care, naturally derived, outdoor inspired. Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or Everymanjack.com.


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[Assistant] Can I set this up? Melody's the one last week who booked the plane tickets and the house and then her boyfriend broke up with her. Oh yes!


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[Assistant] We didn't have a, uh, I have, my daughter and I is a pediatrician. I didn't have a pediatrician growing up. The guy who delivered me was my doctor my entire life.


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[Assistant] We spend a lot of time thinking about what we put in our bodies, but what you put on your body is just as important. Everyman Jack's men's care products use the best ingredients nature has to offer. Your skin will thank you. Everyman Jack has changed my life. It has.


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[Assistant] I smell great, right? I smell great. I smell great. It's got all kinds of products, body wash, deodorant, skin care, my favorite. Oh, yeah. The Captain Marvel body wash.


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[Assistant] And dies. They can be a grace of your skin and leave it feeling dry. They use as many clean, naturally derived ingredients as possible. Every Man Jack uses responsibly made packages. Every Man Jack's men's care, naturally derived, outdoor inspired.


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[Assistant] Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or EverymanJack.com.


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[Assistant] Cities cover just 3% of the Earth's surface. Who? Cities.


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[Assistant] All the other planets in the solar system are named after a Greek or Roman god. Earth? No, not so much. Just Earth. Just Earth. Yeaah. No one even knows who said it first? Nope. Nope. I mean, it's a word that means dirt, but we don't know who came up with it.


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[Assistant] Maybe so, but we don't know who said it first.


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[Assistant] It, uh, it comes from old English and high Germanic.


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[Assistant] Uh, Earth is 4.5 billion years old.


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[Assistant] There we go. Give or take. 99.9% of all the species on earth are now extinct. Oh, really? They've never existed.


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[Assistant] Homo sapiens have been around for 450,000 years.


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[Assistant] So that's one ten thousandth the age of the planet. Huh?


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[Assistant] Earth is not a perfect sphere. It actually bulges out at the Equators. It's flat. Fat!


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[Assistant] The circumference of the Earth is 24,000 miles. Meaning if you went all the way around it, it would be 24,000 miles. Okay. And...


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[Assistant] So it's 24,000 miles around. It takes 24 hours in a day for it to do one spin, so.


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[Assistant] How fast is their speed? Thousand miles. That's right, thousand miles an hour.


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[Assistant] The sides would be spinning very fast, the top barely at all.


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[Assistant] So, Rodinia, all the continents broke apart, then they came back together, and they crashed, and they formed the mountains, like the Appalachian Mountains. They kind of pressed them together. Yeaah. Glad you heard that, right?


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[Assistant] Uhm, Europe is gradually moving away from North America.


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[Assistant] If you flew from New York to London now, it's 3,400 miles. In five million years, it's 3,500 miles. It's gonna be a while. Yeah, wow.


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[Assistant] But, days are getting longer because the earth is not spinning as fast as it once was. Because it's fat.


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[Assistant] Uh, 4.5 billion years ago, a day on Earth was 6 hours long. Okay. Now it's 24 hours. It's increasing 1.7 millisecond every century.


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[Assistant] So we got our first billion people on earth in 1803. Oh wow. Oh wow.


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[Assistant] We should hit 8 billion by the end of this year, early next year.


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[Assistant] Now they're having 2.4 on average. If it drops below 2.1, the world population starts going down. Okay. Alright.


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[Assistant] By 2015, there were 450,000 and by 2100, there'll be 25 million. Oh my God.


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[Assistant] Our CVS just announced their closing and my father-in-law was furious.


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[Assistant] It's 240,000 miles from us. At one time it was 14,000 miles. God, that was probably too much.


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[Assistant] Now, uh, some scientists think we've found a second moon. This was discovered in 2016. Uhm, it was, this guy calls it Kamoaloa, named after Hawaii, it's a Hawaiian word.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but it's 164 feet across. What's it called?


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[Assistant] The largest living thing in the world is a fungus in Oregon.


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[Assistant] So the largest earthquake ever registered was 9.5 on scale. If we got a 12 or larger, it would split the earth in half.


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[Assistant] Well, it's still a flight, I guess, but, uh, the fault would be larger than the Earth itself. It would just split it in half.


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[Assistant] There are more viruses on earth than there are stars in the skies. Okay.


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[Assistant] The core is 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Same as the sun. Wow. It's hot. It's pretty hot.


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[Assistant] What's heating it up? We try to dig and see how far we can dig. The deepest hole we are. Yeah. Humans. Yeah.


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[Assistant] The cola super deep borehole is what it was called. 7.5 miles down. It took them 20 years to dig it. It finally got so hot they had to stop.


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[Assistant] So this hole that's 7.5 miles deep, if you were to fall in it, it would take you two and a half minutes to hit the bottom, depending on terminal velocity. I would think that would be...


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[Assistant] 40% of the US population lives on either coast. Mike?


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[Assistant] What's the oldest one they've found so far? Oh. I mean, there might be an older one they haven't found yet. They won't even tell you where-


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[Assistant] I don't know how they tell because no, they didn't kill it, it's still alive.


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[Assistant] So since Earth Day is this Friday, there's a lot we have to work on and there's a lot to do.


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[Assistant] They're gonna have to start something new. They talked about charging stations, but that takes too long.


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[Assistant] I still stop at gas station, that's for directions. You do?


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[Assistant] I like to have a backup. Yeah. Uh, vertical farming.


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[Assistant] That's vertical farming. Vertical farm. Yep. That's where you stack up instead of spread out. Yeah.


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[Assistant] But you can say if you build it in warehouses and stack it straight up, you know, a lot of places are doing this now and it's giving you a higher crop yield because there's no pesticides.


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[Assistant] I honestly don't know if the wind doesn't blow or if the sun's not shining, how it works.


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[Assistant] Uh, tree planting, they've found new ways. Deforestation's been destroying forests, but now they're using drones to plant trees. They can do up to 400,000 trees a day.


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[Assistant] Uh, synthetic meat. They're now creating meat in the lab. Yeah, that sounds good.


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[Assistant] They use, uh, some cells of real meat and they can...


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[Assistant] Greenland is the lowest population of any country on earth. 55,000 people.


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[Assistant] That happened to you, didn't it, Aaron? The kid hit you up on Broadway. It was a membership for life.


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[Assistant] I just remember it because you had a huge gig at Bridgestone Arena. It was like one of the best shows you ever had and then you got hit up for this kid and you've been paying the rest of your life.


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[Assistant] And if you're wondering why we're not recording right now, we're about to go to the Opry.


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[Assistant] Everyone thinks, well not everyone, most people think no now that I've returned, but some people still, and they'll send you this long heartfelt email, and then I have to reply back as you, and I have to misspell words.


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[Assistant] No, I don't really pretend to be you, but sometimes they will send it directly to you telling you how much they enjoy the show. I'm not going to, I'm just going to reply and say, thank you so much for coming.


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[Assistant] Uh, we've been doing all the decades, the 90s, pretty much everyone calls them the 90s, 2010, I think people call them the 2010s. What do you call the 2000s? So here's the thing.


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[Assistant] I, uh, I did the last show with you of 2019 and, uh, and it was in Atlanta at that theater. Oh yeah. And we talked about like, what was your first show of 2010 or first show of the decade last show? You said you were at Eastville, you think?


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[Assistant] And then your last show of the decade was 2800, I think, that theater.


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[Assistant] And when did you live in the 250 square foot apartment?


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[Assistant] Alright, so we're talking about the 2010s, or whatever they're called. Uh, two presidential elections. Obama re-elected in 2012, Trump in 2016. Technically,


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[Assistant] The decades 2001 to, I mean, 2011 to 2020, so I guess there was three new presidents.


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[Assistant] More people are watching that. We joked that he kept his phone in his drawers. Apparently he did.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Prince William, Kate Middleton, and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Prince Harry and Meghan had the bigger viewership. Oh yeah? 1.9 billion.


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[Assistant] Two Princess Di movies coming out. Oh really? Yeah. Here just in the next few weeks. Yeah. Uh, Kristen Stewart plays her in- There be-


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[Assistant] The first year was 89, so that's over 30 years.


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[Assistant] Back to movies, uh, top grossing movie of the decade, uh.


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[Assistant] Then Star Wars The Force Awakens and then The Avengers Affinity War. Yep. There you go. Top selling book, Fifty Shades of Grey. That makes sense. Oh, I thought that had been earlier.


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[Assistant] Uh, ice bucket challenge. Try to be positive here. Not, I got a lot of negative here, but yeah.


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[Assistant] It was an 8 week period in 2014. $115 million was raised. They saw a 30% increase in funding.


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[Assistant] Uh, in 2014 at a Philadelphia Cup called the Trucadero, Hannibal Burris did his routine about Bill Cosby.


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[Assistant] He'd been doing it for six months, but somebody recorded it, uploaded it, and then...


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[Assistant] In 2015, BuzzFeed posted an article featuring an image of a striped dress and asked viewers to vote on the color of it.


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[Assistant] And what came out right after the words, Yanni and...


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[Assistant] Thanks man. Yeah man. Let's get some bad stuff in here. Hurricane Sandy. Okay. It's the largest glenotropical storm ever. That's in New York.


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[Assistant] In 2014, Malaysian airline flight 370 vanished.


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[Assistant] Did they find pieces of this plane? They did find pieces of that flight. I thought there was a different one where the pilot committed suicide and drove into a mountain or something.


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[Assistant] No, I think Malaysia, not long after that, another Malaysian air flight got shot out of the sky above Ukraine.


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[Assistant] Wasn't there a golfer that died on a flight and they thought that happened?


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[Assistant] Yeah, a couple of crazy things that happened at the VMAs the decade. Lady Gaga wore a meat dress.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. And Miley Cyrus did the thing with Robin Thicke where, uh, she kind of shed her Hannah Montana image.


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[Assistant] Yeah, she did that all right. You remember her, uh, remember the hide your kids, hide your wife? Yeah, that guy ruled Antoine Dotson, Antoine Dotson. He's now a substitute teacher in Huntsville.


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[Assistant] So it was a guy, he lived in the projects in Huntsville and they interviewed him on the news and he was like,


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[Assistant] Hamilton became the highest grossing musical of all time. It made 3.3 million over an eight week performance.


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[Assistant] If it was Canadian parliament, would you?


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[Assistant] At the Oscars, the Moonlight La La Land mix-up. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] You called me. I was on the phone with someone so I paused it and then you called me right after and you said, did you just say that? And I was like, nah, I missed it. And then.


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[Assistant] I said, I cannot believe I missed that. And then you call me back and you're like, you know, if, if you paused it.


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[Assistant] Or maybe it, maybe it already played four. You said you could still rewatch it and then.


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[Assistant] And then I rewound it and saw it, but you broke that news to me.


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[Assistant] I don't think it'll go, I think it'll, they'll change best actor and best actress and it'll just be best actor.


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[Assistant] Braveheart would win best pitcher. And those were more mainstream. They're still not dumb movies, but, but.


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[Assistant] What's that? Forrest Gump did not do well in China because they just didn't get the references. That's right. Yeah. So. But now the movies are very heavy and. Yeah.


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[Assistant] No particular order, I mean, they were all number one, but they were all top three.


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[Assistant] Uh, the broadcast of the Patriots Super Bowl was the most watched program in American television history. It had, uh, at its peak 120 million people.


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[Assistant] That same year, the Cricket World Cup had 2.2 billion people. That's more.


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[Assistant] The, uh, male athlete of the decade. They're all wearing clam diggers. You noticed that?


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[Assistant] Female athlete of the decade, Serena Williams. Yeah, gotta be. Uh, the Cubs, Brooker.


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[Assistant] Over 100 year streak and won the World Series in 2015, 2016. That was awesome.


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[Assistant] What was the headline at the top? It was something like, Bartman asked for, uh, I dunno, something.


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[Assistant] I don't know. Patriots won three Super Bowls in a decade.


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[Assistant] The Warriors and Cass played in four straight NBA championships.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the 2018-2019 Toronto Raptors won their first NBA championship. Wooo! I flew home!


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[Assistant] Uh, won two SC, I mean national championships in baseball.


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[Assistant] Uh, went to five bowl games, had two back to back nine win seasons. It was a big year for us. Big decade. Big decade. Won the SEC Basketball Tournament in 2012. Vanderbilt is...


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[Assistant] I thought that was the weekend that, uh, Marin tweeted about you, uhm, in Michigan.


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[Assistant] He just brings out a switch. Where'd you get a switch? Best selling musical artist of the decade.


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[Assistant] Drake's eight. Rihanna. Drake is eight? Okay. Fifth. Uh, Adele. Adele. Really? Adele. Wow. Beeper was second.


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[Assistant] Uh, 2018 Stephen Colbert debuted, uh, Graham Kay on The Late Show. Nice. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] It was pretty good. You should check it out.


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[Assistant] And you have a joke about buying a suit and that's it. That's right. Was that the suit?


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[Assistant] Good. Yeah, that's good. Uh, Instagram was debuted in 2010.


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[Assistant] The iPad, 2010? See, I feel like that's been around longer.


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[Assistant] My memory is that I don't remember anything like lingering over that second. Like it wasn't a...


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[Assistant] I hosted for him in Alabama a couple of years ago and I just never felt the crowd forget about me so quickly. As soon as he walks out, he's just. He's a legend dude. Like he's.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of evidence that our bodies are built to do that.


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[Assistant] You know that feeling, that 2.30, 3 o'clock feeling? Yea. Like that, we're probably supposed to take naps.


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[Assistant] But the caffeine in the Diet Coke probably does nothing to you now.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. Yeah, coffee's a different, that's in a different league. Throw a couple sour


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[Assistant] All over. All over. Why did the rain come from the sky then? Is the devil's wife in the sky?


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[Assistant] Oh, you think it'd be flooded? You think it'd be coming up? Yea, coming up first.


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[Assistant] I say it the way everybody I've ever met in my entire life says it. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Until now, yeaah. I mean, does it bother you that you're, that most people don't say it that way? Do you notice that? Are you aware of it?


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[Assistant] How do you say it? I say bangles, like the bangs on your hair.


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[Assistant] Oh, I do it all the time. Yeah. I've sat in the wrong, I sat in the wrong car and started adjusting the mirrors. And then I realized it's not, it's not my minivan. Yeah.


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[Assistant] So did you pretend that you didn't expect to win? Everybody always does that. That's my biggest pet peeve. These award shows. Oh my, I never could have, you were nominated. You had a shot.


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[Assistant] This makes me think of this clip, which I love. It's Ben Affleck and Matt Damon winning, uh, their first Oscar for writing Good Will Hunting. And they're just young dudes and they are so over the top excited. Um, I think at one point Matt David just like.


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[Assistant] How much of that do you think is the award shows changing versus just you changing and you look at them differently now?


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[Assistant] Speaking of pictures, can we talk about this man? Can we talk about who is sitting next to me?


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[Assistant] The 2009 CMA music awards, Taylor Swift sang her song 15, where I was kind of a see-through. They wanted just a bunch of like high school, college age kids in the background. You can actually see me at one point here. She's singing.


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[Assistant] This is like a little pit area on the back corner of it. And then there I am right there.


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[Assistant] They told everybody please sing along and I, but I didn't know, I know the song very well now, but I didn't know. What song was it? 15 by Taylor Swift.


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[Assistant] See these, these are the girls I went to high school with right here. You know them. Yeah. I know them, Melissa and Samantha and that I'm just in the mix, man. I mean, that was a very fun.


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[Assistant] So yeah, she told her brother, like, just bring a big group of kids from your high school out and you can be in this area. So I was, I was just one of them.


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[Assistant] One, not, it wasn't a regular thing, but I went on one with my senior year.


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[Assistant] Pretty fun, I had forgotten about this till we were talking about. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I remember I was at their house watching the Notre Dame Stanford game.


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[Assistant] And it was like a great game and it was down to the fourth quarter and she came home and was like, can I, somebody help me with groceries? And I'm just like, yeah, right. I just like forgot about the game immediately. And it's just like me and her getting grocery bags out of her car. And I'm like, yeah, so thanks for letting me hang out or whatever. A few of those moments.


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[Assistant] Not what she is now, but starting to. I think Fearless had just come out, which was a huge album.


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[Assistant] Yeah. He didn't try to out, I mean, they, he got laid out by the security guy just went and got him. He didn't even try to outrun him at all. He was a streaker.


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[Assistant] Targets included a cathedral, a newspaper, the Trinity broadcasting network and a Christian bookstore. The stated intent of an attempted attack at the AMA.


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[Assistant] The American music awards, bringing it back around to the topic was to show the public that God thinks this stinks.


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[Assistant] Four is the most- For acting. I would have thought Meryl Streep had about ten.


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[Assistant] I mean, look at how many John Williams just, yeah, he's been, John Williams is nominated for 52. He's won five.


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[Assistant] It's kinda weird. Very few of the other people who are more famous could do that.


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[Assistant] One best picture, best director, best screenplay. Must be pretty good, I guess.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you showed them to me. I watched it the first time. That and I know what you did last summer. I had heard of all these movies and just never actually sat down and watched them. They're a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got one too. Uh, next weekend, Valentine's day weekend, February 10th through the 14th, I'm in Cape Gerardo, Missouri. Oh.


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[Assistant] I've never been there. Laughing gas comedy club. I'm headlining. Talking to Aaron. This is getting a little Aaron in that episode. They're going laughing gas, Cape Dorado. Come out.


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[Assistant] No, I, I will, I went to the Big Guy store, and then I went to Spirit Halloween, and that's where you grab mustaches like this.


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[Assistant] I mean, I think they look exactly like it. As soon as I saw him, I was like, oh man, this is great. You know what it's like to go to Spirit and put three packs of mustaches on the, when you already have a mustache, you're like, oh man, there's nothing but trouble happening right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, we took you to tornado hunting and you saw an oil rig for the first time?


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[Assistant] Yeah, well I was, uh, that's back when I was working in the oil field, so I would drop filters off.


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[Assistant] Like he thought it was going to be like Armageddon where like they're going, you know, the opening scene where, you know, it's going to be, you know, Japanese businessmen, like, and then I just walk out there and get a guy to sign something. And he's like, that's it. We drove an hour and a half. I was in the back of a truck going like this the whole time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's a big, that's a big thing. It's a big choice. This is the blue collar choice. Yes. This is the, this is the Vanderbilt.


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[Assistant] Oh, of course. It's like, it's like if you live in New York, it's like Jets versus Giants. Yeah. Okay. Or like Yankees versus Mets.


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[Assistant] You can do anybody. People just like to win championships. Basically.


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[Assistant] No, I don't know. I went to a Christian college. So I went, I went a different, I went a different way. I wish I would've. That would've been, I would've, that would've been amazing. I still, you know, you ever do that thing where like when you go to like a college football game and you look at all the students and you're like, man, they're heavy.


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[Assistant] So much fun down there. And then you try to bring some of that student section energy into like season ticket holders. They're like, Hey, can you sit down please? My feet hurt. I got gal.


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[Assistant] Because then it is very much like that NFL atmosphere where it's like, hey, can you guys sit down? Like when Oklahoma State, we were bad for so long. And then all of a sudden we got like...


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[Assistant] Well, no, I mean, even after that, we got, you know, it's kind of like we had these, uh, Rashawn Woods, who was a very famous, he beat Oklahoma twice, but we went from being really bad when we had less miles and then all of a sudden, Gundy comes along, changes the entire program.


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[Assistant] You know, runs off a lot of riff-raff and then all of a sudden the team starts getting good. And now you have all these fans that are like, oh my gosh, like we're-


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[Assistant] We're good now, so not everybody's like into it. For a long time we were like, nah, we're gonna mess it up. We're gonna mess it up. We're up by, well one time we were playing University of Texas with Vince Young was playing.


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[Assistant] And we were up 21. Which is crazy!


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[Assistant] I mean, one of the greatest college football players of all time is on the other side, and we're just sitting there the whole time, and it's like, man.


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[Assistant] We're just gonna, we're just gonna enjoy this. We're gonna enjoy this cause it's gonna all go down. And then right before halftime, that famous clip of him where he does like the pump fake and you see.


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[Assistant] That's what's crazy is when you, cause you just, in Oklahoma State, you're just like, oh, it's just some guy. And then you watch, like, The Wolf of Wall Street, and the joke is like, ah, T. Boone Pickett just walked in my office. You know, they talk about him there, like, American Psycho. Like, he's, any Wall Street movie, they bring him up, and you're like, you mean that guy?


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[Assistant] Yeah, and he made like tons of money. He was a guy that he would go into corporations, basically take them over. Uhm, I can't wait to hear the emails about me doing this thing. Uh, but he would take over business and then kind of sell off its assets. He was that guy.


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[Assistant] You know, whenever, you know, they point to a shipyard, it's like, you remember when I used to make ships? He was the guy that would come in and like, you know, sell everything. He was that guy.


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[Assistant] I just didn't, I just didn't like that he did the thing where he would always say, I'm the biggest Oklahoma State fan. And you're like, dude, you're just sitting up in a box.


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[Assistant] We're making sure I got to go to like an away game.


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[Assistant] Awake games are my favorite. You go to, I mean, there's all these schools that are amazing.


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[Assistant] You, I, I, cause like, I like, I like, I like giving people a piece of our culture. Cause when I, when I sit in the stadium.


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[Assistant] Our season, our family season tickets are right by.


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[Assistant] It's still one of my favorite big 12 schools because they're kind of like us just in the north. And so they're very like blue collar people. Uh, like when you go to their, when you go tailgate with them, there's like a big pasture.


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[Assistant] I mean, I think we're, we're more cordial than they are. Yeah. But they also have, I mean, when you, you know, you think you're better than everybody else because you got, I mean, they got the banners, they got the championships. I understand.


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[Assistant] Because I think that would do more for our school.


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[Assistant] And I, I, I dunno, like I'm always like, I wanna, I'm more now, like I, cause everybody complains about bowl games now.


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[Assistant] I love bowl games cause like also my uncle was like a head football coach.


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[Assistant] You know, work hard all year, and they're still kids.


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[Assistant] People don't seem to understand, they're still, they're still kids, they're still, they're, I mean, they're putting their bodies on the line for nothing. And it's like,


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[Assistant] They get those little packages when they go to like, they get like a, like a, you know, they'll get like a hairdryer and like a PlayStation and all these things. And this big, that's a big spread, but there's all these, there's all these things that they get and they get to go on vacation and their family gets to go on vacation. And it's like, they, they work hard, even if it's in, you know, Shreveport, Louisiana.


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[Assistant] So they were, they though, like the Gatorade bath after is like Cheez-Its. Oh my gosh. There's a picture of Gunny getting doused with Cheez-Its. And then they have like Brandon Pressley is one of our receivers. He caught three touchdown passes. There's just him just eating a box of Cheez-Its after. Oh, it's yeah. Look at it. It's amazing.


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[Assistant] I mean is there, there's no other, there's no other Gatorade bath thing.


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[Assistant] Like getting dumped like in sports is like the coolest thing to me. And there's no like for a coach even. There's nothing like that. I mean, basketball they do like the bottle thing when somebody comes in.


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[Assistant] Really? Really? I mean, who makes the sign after they have like a great, like a, you, every late night set, you do the thing.


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[Assistant] That's what, that's the whole thing is like, it's kind of a thing where it's like, oh, this is what we, this is our thing.


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[Assistant] See, this is the problem. Like, people that live here are like, no, no, this is our hair.


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[Assistant] No, they don't even, they don't even know. They don't know until, until somebody, uh, from Seattle that looks like Aaron, oddly enough. Ooh, that's true. Whereas no Casey had to be cool. I think you should, I think you should change this. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Well no, it's, uh, that Red River is all just because of Oklahoma is filled with red dirt. Oh yeah. So that's why even like the music, the country, famous country music is kind of like edgy. Yeah. Is called red dirt music is because even in still water, like all the earth is red. It's like clay.


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[Assistant] But like when somebody else, like if, if Nate called me an okie, I'm cool. Like, when somebody else is country, like it's, it's not like, it's not poking fun.


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[Assistant] But he's like, he's very much like, he used to call us oaky state. Yeah. You're like, I don't, you're not, nobody calls it that. I don't like, I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah. But the boy can't even handle an earthquake.


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[Assistant] You know, you ever see that photo of him? There's a famous photo, he's on the air, and there's an earthquake happens in Stillwater when he's calling a game, and it looks like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, we have a lot in the last, uh, 15 years. Because of fracking? Yeah, just because of...


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[Assistant] It's essentially when you drill in the ground, they shoot water into the ground so that it makes a well more productive basically. Okay. So instead of having to drill 15 holes, you drill one hole. Like an old well? Yeah. Oh. Or you can do it with a bunch of... Like it makes the oil come up quicker? It's a whole process, but yeah. Basically it's creating more of, it's more friction in the ground.


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[Assistant] Have you ever seen the plug stickers that people put on the airports? No. They're just stickers that look like an outlet. Oh yeah. Oh, just to mess with people? Yeah, they just put them on the wall. Yeah. And I've seen them a couple times.


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[Assistant] Yeah, people just go up and hit it. My favorite is when they have the outlet in the chair, and I'm sitting there and I just got my huge hamstring with my, with my


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[Assistant] Extra satchel just sitting here and they just got to, uh,


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[Assistant] Like they're trying to decide if they're going to ask me to move or not. Cause they can't be like plugging in. It's like, dude, I, I can't even, I can't even get my own diamond. You got a mirror? I can maybe like.


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[Assistant] I mean I just, but I also love like, people don't, I mean Oklahoma is great because like, for the longest time, like we've had so many people, it's like we've been a life raft for so many groups of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where you have, you know, for the longest time, uh, native people spent, you know, a long time in Oklahoma.


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[Assistant] Because it was Indian territory, and then it was kinda like for a while it was outlaw territory so everybody would rob in the areas and then they would hide out in Oklahoma. And then when the land run happened, you had all these immigrants from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The East Coast that didn't have anything. That's why there's, you know, Irish and Czechos, like in my hometown, there's Czechoslovakian people.


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[Assistant] That's during the land run. Oh yeaah. So they, for the, do you guys know the land run? No. Do you know?


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[Assistant] I mean, you mean the actual thing that Thornoway's based on? I think he's like, you know the thing about Thornoway, you guys, that was real? I don't know. So basically what they did was, they wanted to give Oklahoma away.


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[Assistant] So Sooners, which is with the University of Oklahoma, you know, the other school.


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[Assistant] Their whole thing is there were people that tried to sneak across the land, like the, before the time. And then they got the plots early.


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[Assistant] That was the whole thing, and so Sooners is what they called those people.


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[Assistant] They had different checkpoints set up, so you would just go and claim it, and then it was your land.


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[Assistant] Yeah, because they were running the horse around like it was tired. Yeah. Yeah. Sooners.


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[Assistant] I mean I can maybe get some toothbrush tattoos. Yeaah. We can, you know, just, baby steps.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was, it was, uh, it was, it was a weird, it was a weird thing. How'd he do it?


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[Assistant] That's, that's, that's crazy because he wore like a nun's habit from like, he watched the movie The Town. Yeah. Which is, uh, I mean, it's kind of crazy that he was like, he, he robbed a local bank from our hometown. Yeah. And he like drove his own car.


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[Assistant] And then he drove back to like his house, like he just didn't, like it's like he watched this movie where they're like, they're like third generation bandits, they have false DNA, switch cars, a whole plan, they have automatic weapons, you know, they have, they do everything right.


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[Assistant] And he watched the co- he saw the costume, he's like, I'm just gonna wing it.


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[Assistant] No, he, uh, I had a cigar with him after he, uh, when he got out. Yeah. And he told me, uh, he goes, it's really kind of funny because now, like every time.


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[Assistant] There's a bank robbery in the city. I have to immediately think about what my alibi is. Because he's got like a parole officer and all this. So he's like, I'm always like.


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[Assistant] Cause like as soon as there's a bank robbery, he says he gets a phone call from his, from his guy. So he's gotta make sure that he's like, oh, here I am. This is me. He's always gonna be around people. He's posting on Instagram. Hey, this is me. Sitting here working out. Not robbing a bank.


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[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I don't think he had time to count it, honestly. It was, it was very, I mean, they caught him within a day. Like, it wasn't, I mean, it was... Super quick. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Like we literally heard it, we heard about it happening, and then we saw it was him.


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[Assistant] Oh, y'all put it together. It was like bang bang. No, I mean like, it kinda, I hadn't talked to people in my high school for a long time and then it just made the rounds.


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[Assistant] It's like, I know I haven't talked to you in 10 years, because I didn't even go to my high school reunion. You're like, hey, I haven't talked to you in 10 years, but did you see this?


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[Assistant] I just, I really just did it because I was like, I was doing this, but I wasn't like, I wasn't where I wanted to be. And I felt kind of like, so like people knew that I was doing it, but I wasn't like.


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[Assistant] You know, I hadn't, I hadn't, I mean like, I did live with the Apollo, but I mean, I went to him at the whitest high school on the planet, so they don't even know, I mean, they're like.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Except for one stoner kid. I had math with one kid in this remedial math class. And he's the guy that told me about Mitch Hedberg, which was like amazing. He was like the coolest dude.


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[Assistant] I mean that, when that happened, that one, there's, there's been two that gone through more than are like.


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[Assistant] You made a whole joke. I still think that's the funniest, one of the funniest riffs is still my favorite because they, in Oklahoma, whenever there's a tornado, they have all these people that are on the ground. And there's, I mean, there's like 10 of them. And so what the guy does is he literally just bounces from people to people. And there are these, like these famous storm chasers, like there's a guy named Val.


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[Assistant] Okay, thanks Jenny, uh, we're gonna go back to Val. Val? And he goes, yeah, still here, uh, just open the door.


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[Assistant] The problem is is that we were, we went to see the oil rig in Eastern Oklahoma and tornadoes kind of start.


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[Assistant] In like the, like the Northwest and they kind of follow the highway, the interstate. So they go like from, kind of from Kansas and they follow like Elk City, Clinton. Then they hit Yukon, which is where I'm from and then Oklahoma City and they go down. So basically they start, that's the creepiest thing. When I worked in the oil field, you would drive down the highway and you'd be coming back to town about three o'clock and you'd see all the,


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[Assistant] On the, on the hurricane, yeaah, you tape the windows up so when the wind starts kind of bashing it, if it shatters, it doesn't go all over your stuff. Tape the windows up.


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[Assistant] Okay. I mean, I could tell you some tornado horror stories. I mean, I've thought, I kind of feel like that's Bates territory. I don't want to get too sad. Bad news Bates. Bad news Bates. Oh, I got a lot better.


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[Assistant] I mean, Alabama does get, does have. Not as much as.


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[Assistant] Pretty red. That's always the funniest thing. I used to do a thing about it, but I, it was literally like, you know what it's like to have your state turn red? Like before the polls even, like they're just like, like there, I talked about how other states are still counting votes. Yeah. And like, we're just like, it's like you're counting votes for 15 minutes. Like, all right guys, we're good. They call it red people.


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[Assistant] I mean, I thought he was going to come with me with fast food facts, where it's like, Sonic is from that. Like, you're like, oh man, let's talk about chili cheese dogs. Y'all can talk about Brahms ice cream all day. Like, you can do all these things. And he's like, you know the county. He's a big county.


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[Assistant] How confident do you have to be to see like a screw fall and be like, Oh, I should go get this tested. Well, they go start asking questions.


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[Assistant] I mean, in my neighborhood, in New York that I lived in, I lived in a Dominican neighborhood, and if they ever made fun of me, I just walked a different way, like whenever you walked past a barber shop, they would, they would...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would, they would put a, they would take like a, one of the kids pillows that they'd sit on the barbershop and they'd put it in their stomach.


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[Assistant] Well, I always like, I always like taking people to eat in Oklahoma, cause they always think, even like I took you to Empire, the pizza place, and you were like, dude, I was in New York for, and I go, dude, trust me. Cause they have this like pink saucy, Empire pizza is like amazing. Um, Brahms ice cream, they have this frozen yogurt that's better than most ice cream anywhere. And you tell people this stuff and they're just like, oh, you're just.


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[Assistant] I mean, I've done as much damage after Chipotle, so, like, I mean, it's just...


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[Assistant] You ever done that? What's cowchip throwing? Cowchip's when a cow, uh, does his business in the field and then the sun dries it and so you can pick it up and it's like a perfect frisbee you can throw. And there's an actual, like,


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[Assistant] I mean, a lot of times when you're in your country, you make your own fun. So a lot of kids will go up, you can play dodgeball with cow chips. People do it all the time.


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[Assistant] They, I mean, have an amazing, uh, like, you know, arena. People come from all over. I mean, you can't get a hotel room downtown because of all the...


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[Assistant] Yeah. College World Series is that? I mean yeaah. College World Series, the Olympics, I mean, there are so many visors that invade when that stadium is being kicked off. I mean, it's crazy.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, you knew when you saw the billboards, you're like, what is that? And you look him up and you're like, oh my gosh.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I'm, no. There was like, I was not like, so, there's, believe it or not in Oklahoma, there were multiple drive-thru zoos. Yeah. And, uh, I was not a Joe Exotic drive-thru zoo. I was a, we had a thing called Arbuckles Wilderness. So that was my zoo of choice.


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[Assistant] The other guy from Arbuckle. Arbuckle. The butt.


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[Assistant] There's a, there's a, there's a woman, there's a woman in, eh, that owns a restaurant in Norman. Yeah. Uhm, and I would promote the restaurant. Yeah. I don't, I don't like her very much. Oh yeah. But she, uh, her, her, she or her family lineage is. Maybe she would help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, I just, I don't like her very much. Why? Because, just because. You gonna start a thing?


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[Assistant] Where, uh, they were doing, when I was still in Oklahoma, there was a festival.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was gonna allow a comic to come to the festival. And I'm still true, like, I mean, I'm, I have New York on the horizon, so I want to start meeting people everywhere I can. I'm traveling, I'm literally driving to Kansas City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the improv to do spots, like I'm driving everywhere to try to get spots. And so I'm like, oh, this is a good, it was a good festival. Um, and, uh, and so I'm like, I'm going to try for this spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the whole thing was is that this restaurant would do like a, it was like an open mic thing, but it was like they would try to, they would have people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you could win a spot and it was like all expenses. This lady would pay for your hotel, airfare. I mean, festivals, you don't make a ton of money. So like this is huge. And so I'm like, it was this lady. It was this woman. So her thing was she watched open mics every day for a month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the best five from the open mics would go to like one show at the end and then she would pick whoever it was. And at that time I was, I was one of the better, like I was like, I was like, I could legit win this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and so the first, and I was on the road for two of the week, so I only had two shots to do this. And the first time I did it, she didn't even come in. Cause you just kind of draw spots. She didn't even come in and see my set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'm like, so I'm mad about that. And then I had to wait till the third week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then during my set again, and I didn't, of course I didn't get on there, you know, and then the third week comes and then like, this is it, this is my last shot. And she's in the back of the room finally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I go up on stage and I start doing it and...


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[Assistant] I do my first, like, I don't even do like a joke, I do like a riff, and it gets like a good pop, which an open mic is, I'm bananas if you can do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I look in the back of the room and she's talking to somebody else. She talked during my whole set and as soon as I got, she came back. And then of course I did not even get, I didn't even make the top five in two open mics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was, it was, uh, still not happy about it. I'm still just, I'm doing, and, and, and of course, uh, somebody else that she liked got, and I was just, it was just a real frustrating thing. Cause like, I was legit trying to do it and I was doing everything I could. And then people were just like, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's, well she's, her family, she got the money to run a restaurant. Yeah. Because her family invented the shopping cart, has the path. Nothing to do with comedy. Yeah. Now. Yeah, and now she's trying to sit there and throw things around. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I, can I announce something real quick? So this is the first time I'm announcing it right now. Alright, exclusive. So on January 14th and 15th, in Springfield, Missouri, which will be there this week, at the Blue Room Comedy Club, I'm taping a special


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm doing a special album, the whole thing, but it's a big deal. I'm putting all the stuff that I've, that I've put together. Uh, I'm really excited about where the hour is. I'm real excited to do this. So January 14th and 15th at the Blue Room Comedy Club, Springfield, Missouri.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm very excited. Please come, come out. It's going to be a huge deal. Um, and it'll mean a lot to me if any, you know, your fans are always amazing and maybe get a plug from Aaron Land too. Go see it. Go to the Blue Room. Check out Justin Smith. You've been to the Blue Room before, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the first time I got a wide shoe. That was pretty eye opening.


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[Assistant] Cause I'd been getting, I'd had to get a size up and I thought that's how shoes were supposed to fit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say kentai as well. It's just funny the way you hit it sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's almost like you're moving faster than, than this guy is.


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[Assistant] You don't want to work where you do something you love, you know, then you don't want to see it takes the joy away from it.


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[Assistant] How are things going bad now? Actually, now I'm doing what I was. Never been better.


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[Assistant] I remember as soon as I was old enough, I got to volunteer to hold the, uh,


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[Assistant] Now at football games, I'm blanking on what they're called, but the first down markers, when you're old enough to be responsible enough to hold those, that feels kind of nice. You know, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That article. He was asked like, you know, let's say emergency scenario, your season's over and you get called up. He's like, yeah, I'd keep my options open. I'm not going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The article made it sound like he's abandoning the high school and he's going back.


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[Assistant] That, that, they should make Kata Ledecky do that. She has to do a backstroke while everybody else does the freestyle. Just to flex, just to do something more difficult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was right. Yeah. Some people, there's still a debate going on. This is the latest Nate Lane controversy, I think.


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[Assistant] What is the freestyle? What are you allowed to do? Somebody else said they swam competitively.


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[Assistant] And they said it was so specific. This might have been the comment you read last time.


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[Assistant] But people are still arguing. I believe Ian Rice though. Sounds like a good name. Trustworthy name.


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[Assistant] Exactly what just happened. I love it. Trying to hold each other accountable.


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[Assistant] Back posture. Do you have good posture? Are you happy with your posture?


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[Assistant] No, I'm saying I'm not happy with mine. I'm wondering how you feel about yours. You probably have the best out of the three of us.


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[Assistant] Those drive-in shows, if I, I couldn't look cause I'd look over and I'd be like, Oh my gosh, it's weird to see yourself.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like Jumbotron at a game. It's all, yeah, it's all.


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[Assistant] Uh, but kilometer about a mile. I mean, what I meant was. You don't do them. That's their mile.


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[Assistant] That's their mile. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's, that's- Who's they? The rest of the world. Yeah. That's their mile. Instead of using miles, they use climes.


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[Assistant] That's why we have a weight problem in this country.


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[Assistant] But you can't, look, what's up and what's down. That's a great, I always like making that point. I think it's interesting, but if you're in space, there's no up or down. You can look at it however you want.


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[Assistant] Well, you would feel it, because then you're like. But you wouldn't, no, you wouldn't feel that you're upside down because you're in space. There's no gravity.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you could flip upside down, you wouldn't realize it at all. Cause the blood's not rushing anywhere, cause there's no gravity.


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[Assistant] It goes wherever, wherever it's pushed to. It's just the force.


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[Assistant] You could, but I'm saying we look at, we always look at the earth.


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[Assistant] Northern Hemisphere, Southern Hemisphere. You could easily just look at it upside down and it wouldn't be wrong.


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[Assistant] They say if you're underwater, yeaah, you blow bubbles out where it's everywhere the bubbles go. That's, that's, uh.


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[Assistant] There's still gravity if you're in the water on earth. I'm saying if you're outside the earth, there's none. Yea, well they train in the water. They do, cause that's the closest they can get to it. Yea. To simulate it, yea.


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[Assistant] Wow. So yeah, the Megalodon Megalodon.


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[Assistant] What did he think he threw it into the ocean from Kentucky?


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[Assistant] Oh, right. And she's like, she's been doing this a lot. I guess like he's got to stop doing this kind of everywhere we go, this guy throws bottles and it's like the fifth call she got that day.


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[Assistant] I headlined Charlotte Comedy Zone for the first time ever last week. Bunch of folks came out. Very cool. Then I did a run of shows with Henry Cho opening for him. People yelled, let's go. As I took the stage at every.


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[Assistant] Dude, a gallon is not, we could all eat a gallon. What happens if you eat too much ice cream?


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[Assistant] Are you serious? I'm just like vanilla ice cream. You couldn't get that down. I mean, I hope I couldn't. You do chocolate. That's the mistake you made last time, man.


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[Assistant] Well, this is the same person. I think it was a different record. I think she's been at this for a while.


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[Assistant] This guy's impressive, Matt Stoney. He's a great follower on YouTube. He does a lot of, he does a lot of stuff.


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[Assistant] Oh man. Just, we got some over there. I always just grab a few.


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[Assistant] We used to put those in our pockets because it looked like you had dip on you as a kid. You thought it looked cool. We were playing baseball, you'd always have one in your back pocket, like the pros.


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[Assistant] What is Jumblo all about? This looks like something from Brian's era.


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[Assistant] I knew you would've heard of this stuff. Yeah. Big league Jew. I always want to get that when I see it. Oh, I get it. What a good time. Oh yeah, actually I have seen it.


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[Assistant] How were we back then? Did you, do you notice a change?


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[Assistant] I meant just us as people. How were we back then? On the podcast.


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[Assistant] You don't know who Sam Smith is, do you? No, he's a singer. Okay. Do you know any of his songs?


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[Assistant] Yeah, this is the face I think of when I think of Sephora. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Good for him, man. Been working hard. He's worth 200 billion?


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[Assistant] And he'd do it, he's kind of flying under the radar, huh? Bezos is getting all the heat and this guy is just sitting back.


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[Assistant] What a fall from grace, Bill Gates, huh? He was the number one my whole life.


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[Assistant] This is like a Michael Jordan wizards phase of his career. Like we all know he's still the goat.


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[Assistant] It's just sad to watch your heroes fade, you know?


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[Assistant] It looks like most, sorry, it looks like most banks only insure your money up to $250,000. So it doesn't make sense to have more than that.


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[Assistant] In your, in your checking it looks like. Which is good to know. Yeaah. I'm, I'm close. I'm close to that. Yeaah. I'm close to that. No, I'm not. Okay.


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[Assistant] Celebrity. She's self-made, right? I guess. Technically, yea.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're saying one out of every 300 people is a millionaire?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's 6%. That's .06. Yeah, well, do you guys know how percentages work?


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[Assistant] You move the decimal over, too, and we got 6.666%.


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[Assistant] And does that serve any real practical purpose? To have a truck lifted like that? Or is it all just vanity? Is it all just-


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[Assistant] Rockefeller was the first billionaire. The first one in the United States? Yep. I think anywhere, but. You think? In the whole, in the whole world?


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[Assistant] And now these college kids are getting it. That's going to be really fun to watch.


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[Assistant] Talking about like Peyton Manning's nephew is about to be a college football player, and just the amount of money he's gonna make in college.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, the amount of money she could have made last year during all that?


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[Assistant] It's one of those injuries that, uh, I remember seeing.


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[Assistant] It's crazy, it's crazy to think about that in the locker room of a college football team, there'll be, I mean, there'll be kids that have the potential to be millionaires.


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[Assistant] I mean. No, we're talking about like, actors or. No. He did Saturday Night Live.


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[Assistant] Spielberg is a billionaire? I guess that makes sense. He's been around.


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[Assistant] I was thinking about that this weekend. I was like, my ability to do things in the world all just depends on this number on my phone.


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[Assistant] And I don't really know what that number means. I just know I have to get it up.


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[Assistant] When I do stuff, it's lower. It's pretty crazy. I never see, I never see the money anywhere. I don't carry cash anywhere.


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[Assistant] I'll get it up. I'll get, I'll get, I'll be broke soon. Yeah. I'll get to zero. One of these days I'll be worth nothing.


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[Assistant] A surprisingly high percentage of dollar bills have


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[Assistant] Cocaine residue on the circulation. 90% 90% have trace amounts of cocaine on it.


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[Assistant] And people are snorting cocaine through them. Yeah. That's where most of it's, that's what I thought.


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[Assistant] The flu virus can live on that? Yep. How long can COVID live?