[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, yeah. It's the story, I don't think more than David Wells wearing that. It's just, it's the fact that it's David Wells and the story and the, and that Jotaro's like, do not wear that. You know, it's like that's probably what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that would have been a million dollars. He had one perfect game. He was hungover. Yeah, he was hungover. Yeah. Yeah. It was a big famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, story. Uh, alright. Uh, Helix Sleep. We love our Helix Sleep mattress. It was, uh, unbelievable to unbox. As we've said many times, delivered free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so comfortable. You will fall asleep so fast. We have the Dusk Luxe medium support. Uh, everyone that slept on it, we've had, uh, every comic sleep on that mattress. They've all loved it. So you will love yours too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take the Helix Sleep Quiz and find your perfect mattress in under two minutes and your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try it out and you decide if it's not the best fit, you can turn for a full refund. Everybody's unique and that's why Helix is so great. You can get anything that fits your body. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash Nate with Helix. Better sleep starts now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also Viori, the whole podcast crew loves their Viori. Now that summer's here, uh, I've, I've been wearing the core shorts. I wear them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had them on yesterday, this weekend, all weekend. Uh, I have the outdoor trainer shell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, their jacket, I wear that thing every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's, uh, it's just a very light jacket and it's, I always wanted a jacket. It's very easy to wear. It's very comfortable. I mean it's my, it is my favorite jacket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an, uh, Viori is a new outlook on performance apparel. Perfect if you're sick and tired of a traditional old workout gear. Viori can be worn just about any activity like running, training yoga, but also great for lounging around, uh, weekend errands. It just looks great. Viori is an investment in your happiness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at vuoriclothing.com slash nate. That is vuoriclothing.com slash nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori Clothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's annoying the whole process of having to go through that. We bought a car when I was younger and the engine blew three days after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like even, yeah, and then it was just after that, it was just even dealing with that and dealing with, you know, those guys on the side of the road and you're like, you don't know what kind of deal you're getting. They're ripping you off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. Uh, uh, shout out to Bree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our friend Bree, uh, is about, uh, my sister's friend, she's our friend now, but she made 3D printing. Alright. That's so cool. I finally have something, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're hanging on the walls. That's an original. And they get to resolve this is all Weber done. And it's just, it's, you know, like that where it looks crazy. My mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aaron bought us this, uh, outlet. He goes to plug that goes in Aaron painted it at school. So that all to say, thank you for these. Yeah, this week. So we're this week back on the States, back on the States.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a good state. Easiest to draw. Uh, most sunshine of all states. Is that right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I'm saying this. I've been told by people in Colorado. I don't, I don't know if I've ever. Colorado is such a beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're way up there. You're above the clouds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people are on the streets. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Like they, I mean, they had a point to go, that's about right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I moved from New York to LA, Louis Katz wrote to me. And Louis was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Man, I didn't go through Wyoming. I thought I did go through Wyoming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I guess why would I went up there? I went that, yeaah, I went Denver to Utah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember, I remember going to those bounds, I remember one, one place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Till whenever. Wow. And then I went up and over it and then there was no, I mean it wasn't like there was a snowstorm where I was, it was just like up there there was. So I went there, went back down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that, so they're serious about the water. You can hit a golf ball a mile, which is nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's interesting. I hadn't thought about that. So when you go play in Colorado, I mean, you're just smashing balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it could be, I guess, 20, 40 yards. Like it's, it's, I mean, you know, I'm a substantial. Yeah. It's a dry run, just so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I can drive it, but I'm just so inconsistent that I never even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, I drive, you know, I think I can, I hope to be in the 250, 270 range run for the ball. And, uh, so I think you would easily be over three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was a German American Brit, so that was a popular name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Adolf, it was like, it was like that common? It's like a John or it's... Adolf Rupp. Rupp Arena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that even in America? Or is that like other, that's like, I know in other countries, like they, they go to some town that's, and those, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get demolished, but I mean, Los Angeles is fine, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when you bid on it, so the city has to pay for that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the Olympics are big now, but they weren't like back then. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like they've slowly become where you're like, people are like, who cares now. Yeah, they happen. And you're like, you're not watching it like you were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every, cause it's all just tish and like watch this guy run. And you're like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole Olympics. You're just putting down off just, you know. Right. I've heard this with a song behind it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So maybe they give them the heads up and they go, you don't want this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I don't know how to ski. I've done it once and I never made it off like basically this table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't need to keep best sentence going. Cause that, yeah, I thought you were just sledding, which is fun. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but how do you know where sea level is at if you're, if the whole thing is above sea level? That's what I'm saying. Where's sea level?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a constant slope down? Are we at sea level?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ocean would be sea level. So we're a little bit above it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Death Valley's below sea level. That's why it's so high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're at sea level. We're basically at sea level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If someone's fallen, I would definitely be like, definitely do toothpick. But I mean, it could be bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, give it, or if you want to make sure, it's like then just belly flop it. Yeaah. It's a wrap, you don't have to worry about it. Toothpick, you gotta...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta hope it doesn't snap your legs open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta really, you'd be, before you know it, you're just, you're like, oh, I didn't time that, you know. How far out would you do the toothpick?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once you wrap your head around like, I'm gonna land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna be back to go fly towards water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean you wouldn't want to just jump off a mountain hoping there's water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you like, I picture a door opens on airplane, you zoom out. So now you're, you're like out, you're out in the air. Yep. And you gotta fly towards water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think you'd be going pretty quick down and then, but if you wanted to fly towards water, would you fly? I guess you would like do it the way like they do it in movies. That's your only.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fortunately she knew about the Amazon rainforest. That is a big help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fell on top of my neighborhood and close friends and then we got home and. Thankfully I had a first aid kit with me at the time. The big help was the person that took the picture also undid me and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're reading about it as right now. Uh, yeah, that's, that's wild. See that one. I mean, what do you want to land? You got to just land sitting in your seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's your back not broke? I guess you just hit trees. I guess your only hope is you hit enough trees and you're faced upward. And then it's like, yeah, this is a lot like the Leonard Skinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we got to keep it, you know, keep the memory alive. Y'all just were, every day you just couldn't. You had the newspapers from that next day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, yeah, you eat pancakes on theirs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you ain't gonna go up to Clemens dome and get pancakes, but you can go to Denver and get all pancakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we're in a free fall here. He goes, you never know, I wanna be ready. You got stuck in an elevator recently, didn't you?


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[Assistant] It'd be hard to time it out. Cause you don't know now. Cause I mean, it would be bad if you do it too early and then you land with the elevator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they found their niche. No, I don't. I don't. They were the first to become the highest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they, uh, you know, I don't know anything about Ken Burns. I think he's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's like I always hear that. I think I tried to watch one and I was like, I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just with the legend, he died in a plane crash? Yea. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's from New Mexico. Yeah. His name, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah, doesn't Kramer have that thing where he says he's got that Gerald Ford right out of there? Or does he say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so, maybe I know. I thought Gerald Ford, I thought he was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could see retiring in Colorado. I always think, like if I were to start a comedy, cause


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Denver had a great comedy scene or I imagine still has a great comedy scene. And there, so like, I could see you'd be like, go live there. I definitely could see the, the, the perks of Colorado.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people usually most upset with the booting are the people that are already doing pretty illegal things. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause told you, you gotta be like, I don't know where I'm going to go. It's a real hassle. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. That's where you figured that out. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you go try to buy, can you buy toothpaste without fluoride? You can, yea. And is that not the, is that the whole point of it? Cause I mean, they seem like they advertise fluoride a lot. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right through Colorado. So that is the continental divide and they just do it because of that water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just do what? They call it that because of the water? I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] North American Aerospace Defense Command. Oh, NLR. Yeah, and so then they didn't want to do the C.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's hard to see. That's true. You go, oh, you're on the mountain, so you're high so you can see everything. You go, no, we're inside the mountain. You go, what are you doing? I don't mean to tell you your business, sir, but, uh. Yeah. What are you defending here? Yourself? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are y'all just hanging out on this mountain, defending the mountain? Are you trying to kill the mountain? Right. From the inside?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you're, if there's a nuclear attack, go get in the mountain. You don't hear that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go get in a mountain. Go get in a mountain. Yea. Cave? Yea? Cave seems dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For nuclear attack? Yeaah. Yeaah. You laying down on an elevator before, so. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see who makes it. In the last- What are you going to do in an ele- If there's a nuclear attack, you're in an elevator. Do you lay down and try to do the worm?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's what I would do. If you told me to lay down, I would still do the worm right before, you know, basement. I would still go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then just try to do, just so I'm at least jumping a little bit. So I get a little bit of both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. A lot of metal. A lot of metal, not nuclear stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, permanent would be like, all right, well, they're making a statement. I don't know something at least you're committing to a temporary is like, yeah, what happened? Let's see what this does for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a big area, very far from downtown. I'm not a big fan of that airport. It's just for how big it is, you would, I feel like it should be more fun to walk around and it doesn't, it feels very closed. Like when you go walk around, like it's dark, it's, you know, there's not a ton of light.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember making that joke to him. Yeah. So I don't know what's happened. Yeah. I tell you one thing's happened. No bathroom in the hotel. Now that we have some time to talk, might as well go ahead and lay the land. Yeah. This is for brushing your teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean. Isn't the Boston Bombers there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, can you imagine if you're the guard there? You probably...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your opinion probably changed about stuff. I mean, that's some dudes that don't, they're like, let me talk to you while we did this. And you'd be like, yeah, dude. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is tough on the neck. I mean, you talk about, you get a roommate, you talk about going to the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be, yeah, I'd be talking, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bathroom thing would be very hard though. It would be hard but that being almost enough to make me feel low.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would really mess with you, I think. But you would have conversations, it would just be, you could always go on your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As you're eating, you're reading an old newspaper because they don't give you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. And there's a chance you're gonna get killed in that hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like they're allowed to go out there. Like the people in the thing can go in and out of the cell. I don't think they're locked in that cell for 23 hours. I think you'd be surprised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well maybe though, I guess the- The worst of the worst? Yeaah, the worst of the worst. But all these guys are, yeaah. I think you'd want to be in that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not a hard way. I think it was, yeah, I don't know what she did, but. Insider trading. Yeah. And then they got her. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, I don't, she had to be in like a, a decent one. Like I think there is a, there's some, there's some that are like the blue, white collar. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never mentioned that I could just roll on out of here. Is that it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could just make the same clock the other guy made and say at least 15 billion and we're not going to know for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We wouldn't even know for a million, like the other guy was like in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some famous- Apocalypse comes, I mean, then it's gonna be like, who cares what time it is. He's like, but I invented a clock about it. That's cool, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which is insane that you then, that guy's wife and her husband and you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, probably now I would. I wouldn't have backed in. But now I would. Not that I was thinking about it back then. I thought about bowling quite a bit when I was little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, yeaah, in my head I always thought 10-2-0 didn't get a fair shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always did think that. I was like at Denver, I was like, well let them try. Cause it was like the whole time, there's something to be said about the whole time people are telling you you're terrible and that you should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting rid of, that like, that mindset is like, well he won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he went to that and you're like, you know, cause he's like a winner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Russell Wilson was like that. Russell Wilson, I remember when he played Wisconsin, I remember seeing him, I was like, this guy's just like a winner. Like he's just gonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's crazy to think that was, uh, Missouri back then, dude, in the nineties, when I first watched football, it was like, Missouri was unbelievable. Nebraska was Alabama. Uh, Colorado was like top of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. But they were good leading up to that. But that was then they were leading up, they were like the number one. Craig James and all that. Yeaah. SMU was before me, but Nebraska, like you don't ever remember Nebraska being good, like, or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you, you just think, you go, well, they're never going to be back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not saying they're, they're, I don't think they're, they're definitely not where they were. Right. And, but it's, at that time, you're like, well, I guess just Nebraska will win for the rest of our lives. And then it's so wild that you're like, oh, now there's not even. Tom Osborne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember Rocky Ishmael. I loved him. He was electric, dude. He was one of the first, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Athletes that I really like, kinda star athletes that I remember being like, oh, that guy's crazy. And I remember being a big fan of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll be in Vail, Colorado at Gerald Ford Amphitheater this weekend. Uh, so come out to that and then everywhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gonna be fun. Alright, uh, thank you everybody for listening. As always, we love you, uh, appreciate it, and we will see you next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. Right now, you can get big discounts on all fire pits during Solo Stove's Summer Sale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And use promo code nate at solostove.com for an extra $10 off. That is solostove.com promo code nate for $10 off on their, of their top incredible sale discounts. But hurry, the summer sale ends June 23rd. Also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, if thoughts and emotions are piling up, a respective can help you feel better. Match with your dedicated therapist today at TalkSpace.com. Use code NATE here and sign up to get $100 off your first month. That is $100 off at TalkSpace.com. Promo code NATE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, let's go folks. Welcome to the Neyland podcast. I'm sitting here, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slutt. All right. That's how people know you're live. Yes. Would that be your welfare?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's how you would show you're in a hostage situation. Like, you know, like they do in a bank. The key is when you, if you ever don't raise your hand, it's like something's not right. Oh yeah. Or maybe that, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Han Solo. Oh yeaah. He's carving that. Yeaah. Just be froze forever. Having a good time. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I like that. Having a good time. Having a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I hope so. I do hope so. Yeah. You should go find out. Yeah. Uh, let's start the comments. Chris Ramsey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just have to say I was on the fence about Dusty joining the podcast. I thought it might throw the boys chemistry off. After the restaurant episode, I am fully on board.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where I demand Dusty give us a taste of all of his haircuts throughout the years and a brief discussion of each style. I don't know about that. Keep up the good, I know I got it's the whole, go walk us through this haircut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did it, this was the time, this is when you did it. How old are you? I'm 40. Yeah. So yeah, this is what we did. That was our like 20-something phase was like, it was real big to get blonde tips. I did it once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you have to fix your hair up every time. I've never been the guy that wants to, I fix my hair up for shows, but outside of like having, I'm going somewhere or like a dinner, like I'm just 95% I'm not fixing my hair. So it looks like a leopard's print.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it's not gelled up, yea, it's just flat. It's just flat and you got black circles and yellow. It really, and that's, and I was like, well, I'm just wearing it like that. I never even did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then I was like, well, there's no point to this. And so I just waited till it came out and then moved on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see that. Just a bunch of that. Uh, yeah, there's no point where you've ever looked probably different. I mean, I had more hair when I was younger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind a nice one to the top, but I think that would be your first step you went. You went and did that. I had a chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Your fan base is, you want to, you are your fan base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I always think it is a good thing to be, like, I mean you, that means you're being relatable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If people, not saying everybody's going to these races that likes you, people are, they like you for being funny and other reasons, but there's a bit of, there should be a bit of, uh, you and all your audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Folger's hat in the- Yea, the hats in this picture are incredible. It cost you $50 to buy that hat. But I like that your family's there and you can't even have seats. Who took the picture? Is it like, was it like the NASCAR took the picture or something? I don't know who took it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's just funny that your uncles, I mean, you and your sister are just next to each other, then everybody's in a different row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was, I mean look, it's probably hot, but it's like, that's pretty crazy. Like just to be, I mean this guy at the bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, that was just a time, dude. I mean, look, that guy behind him...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everybody that doesn't believe in the FBI is watching him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I feel like this is a nice conspiracy group here that already thinks they have me against them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's got extra stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And the other guys were, yeah, it's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ellen, when reading a book in the Kindle app, you can go to the settings and change the font to Open Dyslexic and it makes a big difference. Man, I did not know that. And that's huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Alan, thank you. Are you, do you consider yourself openly dyslexic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I talk about it here, right? Would that not be open? I guess so. I don't even know if I'm dyslexic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll try it. Uh, you know, that could be interesting. Why do you think they call it open dyslexia? Nah, they gotta get one slide in and add this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't ever just give us our own, there's a little dig. I didn't know that that would be a dig, but it's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I'm even, I'm nailing it down to either it's dyslexic or like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact I can't remember anything is like, thanks to me the, you know, what is it like, the tension. ADD?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like that, cause you're like, why am I not grasping this stuff? I watch a movie and I'm not grasping.


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[Assistant] Something, something makes me think there. And there's part of me that thinks you figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ever, ever have the, it's your, I mean, you know, like the most you're there, you're a light years better of a person if you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I gotta get through this thing, so I'm just like trying to, that might not be a good analogy. Uh, and I'm open to that. So, Krista Walcott. Walcott.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty trusting 1960 doctors more than current doctors is why he might be the smartest one on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't believe it. That's the stuff that's, so I think the problem doctors have, this is, I just popped in my head, maybe it's not true, but there's so much stuff we're asking about now that like there is no answers for this. You're going in and being like, I have this weird tingling in my elbow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before it was crazy, you would just be like, yeah dude, like, your body feels weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to pay for an answer, they're- Oh right. They get you an answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like your body's gonna do weird stuff. It's like a house. You hear sounds. Creaks. Creaks. I mean, how do you, it's settling. That's not even, that's not a great, it's a nervous answer. But like, I don't know, they can't be like, well the wood, you know, I feel like someone could go into it for a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if, but if, and that would be like, if a new person said that, but if like a 1950s old man said it's just settling, you'd be like, all right. He's cutting to the point. And then you'd be like, what does that mean? He goes, it means just settles woods going to shrink. It's like, it is what it is. And you move on. Like, he's not trying to. He's almost mad that you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you can't just drive straight cause it's like, you might have a car bomb, so they make you drive diagonally. I think that's what it's for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like anesthesiologist and then they put a mirror under my car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smoking cigarettes in the operating room. So he's seen a photo of his grandfather smoking cigarettes in the operating room over the person he just put to sleep for surgery. Uh, he was a practicing anesthesiologist for over 30 years between the fifties and eighties and was allowed to smoke in the hospital for his entire career. We've come a long way folks. Yeah, the way we've come is we're just not smoking in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, now we've come a long way. Uh, I say we've come a long way, but I understand the logic of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do I want to ask him about a cold and probably believe him more? Yeah, I might like, cause that guy's not gonna, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to know her grandfather's record though of success.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does this guy have, does he not smoke or did he take up smoking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the nervous part. You get in and then you're, you're like, how'd it go? And like the whole hospital's like looking at you weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh? Who was in there? Did they let everybody in? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Everybody came in. We had people driving up. We sold tickets for a couple of days. Those weren't quick


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jay Baker. I heard Nate tell the story of his dad being forced to be right handed. The same thing happened to my dad when he was a kid. The biggest difference for my dad though is that once he was able to write with his right hand he developed a stutter. My dad also had a stutter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. After dealing with my dad's speech impediment, uh, after dealing with that for a year in school, they let him stop and his stutter went away.


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[Assistant] Uh, also he couldn't play baseball because he learned to catch left handed with the glove on his right hand, but he throws with his right hand. Still can't do it to this day at age of 71. Love the show. Love all you guys. Looking forward to seeing you in Memphis in the fall. Uh, yeah, this guy's still throwing baseballs at his grandfather at 71.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad is a speech man, maybe that's crazy that he did that. That is wild. Yeah. Yeah, it messes up the brain. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Sometimes it's fun to, it's fun to talk about it. I don't know if a, if a, if a, uh, raccoon would, if he, like if he, I think they use both their hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you put, like make your trash can left handed?


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[Assistant] Now if you get a left handed raccoon, it's bad news, but you're no.


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[Assistant] Michelangelo Coletta. I kinda like it. It's the last name too. I'm on board with it because you don't see it, but I hope, yea I hope it's going good for you.


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[Assistant] Would you mind him being a mechanic if Michelangelo worked on your car? I think I would like a Michelangelo work on my car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you take it down to Michelangelo, you're like, what is it, from the Ferrari family? You're like, I mean, that guy works at AutoZone and you'd be like, no one even knows about him. Like he's, you would, I would be going, you should start your own business. Michelangelo Coletta.


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[Assistant] It'd be tough to earn trust in a small town, I think. But I think you could sell them on that you're


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[Assistant] You're, you know, you're used to working on like, it's in my blood. Yeah. You're like, this is what we do. Foreign cars, foreign car, you know, like a Ford, you're like, you're like, and then everybody gets to go like, nah, my guy, my mechanic, like he was used to do Ferraris.


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[Assistant] That's, you know, in the office when that guy was like the janitor and he was like, I was a surgeon back then. Like, it's like, you could sell it like that where you're, you know, Michelangelo is just killing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love seeing all the lefty talk on the pod. The pain of using right handed things can't be stressed enough. Just remember, one in ten people used to be left handed and now it's one in nine. So we're getting rid of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my dad's generation. They beat it out of him. Love telling my friends we are slowly taking over the world. Dusty and Burpee, make sure when you add a fifth host, they always use the right side of their brain as well.


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[Assistant] That's odd. Yea, maybe they're just like, they're like, I don't know if I even believe it now. They're asking, we used to ask 10 people, now we can't even find 10 to ask, so we've found 9.


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[Assistant] You can only handle talking to nine left handed people.


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[Assistant] What if that's the case? You're like, after you talk 10 of them, you're like, God, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, let's just ask 9, who cares anymore? You know, what if left handed people are, you know, just kind of a nightmare.


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[Assistant] They go on and on and on and you're like, there's only so much time in the day.


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[Assistant] Uh, Sophia Mattis, last year we went on vacation to Hilton Head, South Carolina. The last night we were there we went to a local seafood place. It was fun until the end when my dad gave our waiter his credit card. We waited for probably 30 minutes until the guy came back and apologizing profusely.


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[Assistant] He informed us that the card had slipped out of his hand and through the crack in the dock we were eating on.


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[Assistant] Comotion was about to go over and tell them it wasn't necessary but he didn't have to. Does that make sense?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he- Oh. At that same moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At that same moment, Alligator swam under the dock right where his card was and didn't seem to want to move. We left the next day without his credit card. Wow.


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[Assistant] An alligator, yep. And then that alligator racked up quite a bell. Yeah. Really? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, I guess you can't get it with a stick. That's a whole thing.


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[Assistant] I think there's a way to get both. Put it at the bottom of the screen? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well we tried it this way, saying you should compromise. I would imagine a compromise would be, put it at the bottom of the screen.


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[Assistant] Corey O'Brien, most restaurants still pay their employees between $2 and $3 an hour based on the fact that customers' tips will raise that wage above the minimum.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So the idea of it would be you would go support places that pay what they should pay. But the round, uh,


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[Assistant] Purchase at Firehouse doesn't go to the... It's for a charity. It's for a charity.


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[Assistant] It's, it's not going to the person. If it went to the person, I would almost do it every time, but it's not going to the person. It's going to the charity. And I actually fire, and like I think I said it, firehouse subs, their charity is like, I think it's like built through, it's like a,


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[Assistant] Fireman, like, you almost can track that to where that goes to more. It's the bigger, like Firehouse is, I know it's kind of a chain now, but it doesn't feel like a chain. Cause it feels like it's, there's still, I can see the beginning of it.


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[Assistant] You know? And like, when you lose sight of the beginning of where it started, that's when I don't start trusting.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like Walmart, you're like, I don't like, I mean, I had an old joke about it, but it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, but like, if you get to Target or what, you're like, well, I don't know what the beginning of these places were. Uh, and they, and then, but Firehouse Subs, you're like, nah, that was probably started, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like to go, nah. But Dollar General is a giant company. You're like, pay kids to learn how to read.


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[Assistant] No, I'm saying why don't just the Donald General go like, we will round up and we will pay the roundup fee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that money goes to- Instead of putting it on me. So come shop here.


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[Assistant] And then we round everything up and we give that money to whatever. Like I mean, do that versus like you're asking the customer that's at Dollar General.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like the way that they keep asking, it's like everybody's asking people to help. Instead of these companies that are like, come on man, like you, you do round it up and give, you know, and then, or like at least,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put next to it, here's what we give to charity. Like dude, show me what you're doing.


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[Assistant] Versus just ask into your charity that you give, is it just my roundup?


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[Assistant] Like, so it's like Dollar General gave, uh, money, they're helping kids read. And everybody's like, wow, they're helping kids read. You're helping kids read. They're just the ones that like figured it out. They just go like, ah, we're just telling you.


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[Assistant] We hand people dimes. Yeah, yeah. We march around, throw dimes at them.


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[Assistant] There's a comment a couple down that I think says just what you said.


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[Assistant] Uh, Kate Willer, the guy who I have recently started dating will put a cash tip on the table when we get seated at a restaurant.


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[Assistant] Then if the service is not great or the order gets messed up, he will visibly reduce the tip in front of servers by taking some of the cash away. He's a generous tipper about 30% or more whenever service is great. But I think it's not the best strategy for good service. Do you think this is a red flag? I do think, I, it's just


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[Assistant] That's something you want, the difference is that's something that you should want to do and you probably talk about it to your friends but you never do it because it's kind of insulting. It's very insulting.


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[Assistant] I would give them the best service and then ask them not for a tip and go, I don't want the tip. Like, I'm real. I don't want to make.


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[Assistant] And then just the uncomfortableness of having to watch that.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, you can get on your phone now. You can do whatever. I mean, back then you read a newspaper. If he wasn't, you could do something to be like, I don't want to talk.


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't ever even, like Uber, I would never put the don't talk cause it just feels rude. I mean.


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[Assistant] I don't think I even, I don't know if I've ever had that. You ever seen that?


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[Assistant] I got that one done. I don't know if I believe the percentage is- Wasn't true. Like Seinfeld? That you're seeing them enough, like you're-


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[Assistant] I get talked to more than I talk to people. Yeah. Cause like you're going to get people that are drunk or you get people that are, you know, and so.


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[Assistant] It's, you know, people always act, I'd almost be willing to bet there's more problems with passengers talking to drivers. Yea, of course.


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[Assistant] I think it's very uncommon. I think at my rating, I think the last time I ever saw it was like.


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[Assistant] 4.789. It was like something. What do you think lost it? What do you think lost the point? I don't know. I even looked it up and someone's like, it could be, I, cause you know what's funny is something got in my head. It was like, you could close the door too hard and then that could, and so like now I, now I, I always like try not to slam the door, but like you could be, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the guy wanted to talk and you didn't talk. Like it could be, they were saying like it's almost impossible to have five just because you like, I don't know, you could accidentally even hit a button or that could be whatever. I think I'm just, yeah, I'm pretty charming. Yeah, it could be that. It could be part of it.


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[Assistant] That's a bad, bad review. I think it's cause you, uh, sit and watch him press it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did they, yeah, what did they go? It's, uh, for Aaron Webb, they're like, big front seat guy. So everybody knows that they fixed you up. You're like, oh no. And he just hops in the front. Did you have people hop in the front seat? Yeah. Now you, now it's not allowed, right? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Derek Babb, Nate and Aaron said they didn't want to give their phone number for the rewards program.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One option is to give a number that is not yours but is likely in this system. If you know the area code, 8675309 is in nearly every system thanks to Tommy Two Tone. They might call you Jenny, but other than that, it is a pretty good way to still get the discount with them actually tracking you. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty good. There you go. But I feel like you gotta always go eight, six, seven, five for good. Like do they, they're going to know.


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[Assistant] Like, so you have to be cool with like... You'd have to say it differently.


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[Assistant] 3-0-9. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. You can say that, that could be enough to break it up.


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[Assistant] It would be like how big of a show do you want to put on? Sing the song, have a glitter ball. Some people would love it. Some people would love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, summer nights are here. Go get outside and enjoy your solo stove. Take a camping to the lake or have your neighbors over for s'mores and a nice hang. They have small sizes or larger sizes, especially them. And yeah, going camping would be unbelievable. Uh, a solo stove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get there and get a nice big fire. And it's like, it's not like just.


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[Assistant] Again, you don't smell like the smoke. I mean, I can't. I don't know how much I can tell you that. How great that is. There's no set up. Just unbox and enjoy. Little fire starter wood and you can have a nice fire quickly. We have the bonfire version with the stand. It burns down to a white ash so clean up is super easy right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get big discounts on all fire pits during Solo Stove's summer sale and use promo code Nate at SoloStove.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For an extra $10 off, that is SoloStove.com promo code Nate for $10 off on top of their incredible summer sale discounts. But hurry!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, also, talk space. Everyone is busy, so it's easy to put all your time and energy on other people and responsibilities above your own mental health. Uh, it's good to have talk space. Look, I think it is good to go talk to someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly do. I think it's nice. I think it's hard to talk to your friends, hard to talk to your family. I mean you can, but it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only you are going to care about you. And so it's sometimes getting extra, uh, a different perspective on, uh, the, you know, the stuff that you're going through. Some of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you're over-exaggerating and some of them you're not over-exaggerating and some of them, like a lot of people probably even hold on to too much stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just need to go talk to someone to be like, yeah, am I crazy? And you need someone to go, you're not crazy, dude. We all are going through this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one of the licensed therapists, they have thousands of therapists. Talkspace is private, secure, uh, and accessible. If thoughts and emotions are piling up, a fresh perspective can help you feel better. Match with your dedicated therapist today at Talkspace.com and use promo code Nate during sign up to get $100 off your first month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is $100 off of TalkSpace.com promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not bad. When you first taste it, you're, it's like everything, but then you're like, oh yeah, it's good. Uh, I've had it with other things, healthy bars and stuff like that I used to not like. And then now as I've eaten better, you're like, oh, I kind of want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. All right. Uh, there we go. So I, I want to just, uh, give a shout out to one, a comedian, Dustin Nickerson. Uh, he wrote a book, how to be married to Melissa with his wife, Melissa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, yeaah, it's great. And then I read it with my new dyslexia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My first, I actually know the date. It was like December 14, 2005. It was the first, like, my Comedy Road hotel gig. And it was the first one I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, it was in Michigan. I want to say Battle Creek. Uh, it's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any really money then. But it's the idea that I was like, cannot believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I'm getting to stay in this hotel and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then, yeah, it was like the first time you get to really say that and you're like, golly, dude, I flew here. Like, you know, uh, it's, yeah, I mean, it was very, very special. And so it was a, yeah, I remember, uh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the hard part, because I was like, oh, 2018, I go, where's the ones you started with? And I forget that you started in, that's when you started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say, what is the year you think you're stopping? Cause I bet there's a year and it's going to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like and they're set up and they're very cool and it's like all the different ones. But even like that stuff when you collect you end up just going like alright. It's like you end up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting so many that you're like, this is a lot. Now, I don't think that's a bad thing. You have every show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, every show where I've got a room. Yeah. So like, I'm not, like I said, that's not bad because in 25 years, it will, it will be neat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To like, if you were just collecting the keys, I'd be like, it's probably, you know, you're not going to remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fact that you're riding it, I mean it's almost like just a kinda easy journal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, like mine was like, uh, the thing that I have is I have note cards of my setlist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I've always written them out on note cards. And so I have those and they go back to 2004.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm even getting, I get a little lazy with that where I'll use the same card, especially when I'm not like writing the new hour and I'm kind of just messing with the order maybe. And I'll have the same card for, I could have it for a month. I'm not putting every.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You keep a straight up diary, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I think, nah, I was joking. I think it's great. And it's, uh, cause then you get to see it's going to be, I mean, it's a click when you write your memoirs. Yeah. Uh, you'll be able to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the dedication it takes is good. I think that's, that's a, that's something that's like. Absolutely. It's like to be able to continue to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be a pretty crazy story. There's no signs that like your baby's going to come. If you read it, you'd be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before you go to bed every night, you just see where you were five to 10 to 50. So every night you think about yourself, you go to bed, you only think about, well, how was I doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not about, it's not saying, you, like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm half joking, but it is funny that like every, so you read it before you go to bed? Yes. So every night before you, your last thoughts are about yourself. Yeah. Before you go to sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're, if a family, I'd imagine is kind of broken up or if there's fighting amongst the family, I think stuff can get real weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm not saying that's happening in this case, but I think you could be where it's like if there's money or there's a house or there's like, you know, like, especially when there's like a lot of, it seems like there's always seems to be trouble when there's divorce and that kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you're trying to figure out where everything's going to go and who's going to get what. I think that's what, you know, I'd imagine those are the problems that happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I at least know the door we should open first and then we're, I think the problem would be maybe a door behind it. Maybe in the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Information available. You only talking to her through Facebook is great. And that's how you get all of the information about your sister. Is you guys just read about my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. You kind of know what they all look like too, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to know. But I have a lot of my high school that I would love because I'm not on Facebook, so I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't see all their kids and I would like to see like, how many kids they got, like, you know, how old are their kids now, especially now, I mean, their kids are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are in the teenagers and uh, so it'd be fun to. I mean, you could, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it's never worked out when I've tried it. Every time I've tried it, it's never worked out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, or it's, it's, yeah, I, I, and then I've tried, a few times I've tried, it didn't work. And then I just was like, I gave up on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you just, do you have to open the app every time or just you hold your phone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anybody, anybody in the hotel can get in that room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if you, like sometimes with a conspiracy, you gotta do the conspiracy versus the comfort and the ease. And this is one that you just go with the ease. Cause you're like, if they're going to get in there, they're getting in there. And like, so you would just give up and be like, that one I'm going to let slide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there could be a good one. That's like Red Ravine. There could be some good ones. Yeah, I don't like that one. Red Ravine has some that are like, redone. Yeah, you've told me that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one I went to was in Midland, Texas. And that was the one that was redone. But you could occasionally get, you know, one, like the Courtyard Marriott's, those can be either unreal or terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never heard of that. And that seems to be how you, I thought that's how COVID got started. Was walking around with your dirty towel and sending it on the front desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I told one hotel almost, I was going to take their pillow, but I forgot to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their pillow was so good. I actually took a, I might have taken one pillow from Motel, but I think they knew about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. The, uh, I, yeaah, I've taken towels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, barely. Barely if I have. I haven't done it much.


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[Assistant] How much money would that, there's no way it's worth the money to microchip a towel that it would cost just to buy the towel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I don't see how there's- Or microchips are a lot cheaper than I've been led to believe.


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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. They're taking those things home. I don't know. I think I'd rather a towel from an older hotel than a newer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you're like, but it's never gonna break in. You'd have to wash them a hundred times. You want it a little bit like sand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I can imagine. I like to see you go, no luck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not great. Not trust him finding it before. That's probably true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what the bio of everybody at home is like, what's his binder look like? It looks like a baseball card.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can wear a tuxedo, looks amazing, but as I walk by you're like, I'm pretty good time too. And I might go through your closet. And so. That's what the hotel should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jay Moore had a very funny joke about that a long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a special, it might be one of his big jokes. About, yea, like, you better hope it's, it's ma- saying it's magical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you could feel like we could, if it's clean and it works, you could just reuse it for us too. You know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think they should just put it back in the wrapper. There's a lot of, yeaah, I think they do that, you ever see the, uh, you got the conditioner bottle or something like that, it's not always full, you're like, they ain't changing that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I use, uh, cause I'm a big, I want, uh, I do lotion. Now I bring my own lotion. Uh, but I've always, I'm a big lotion guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I put lotion on multiple times a day and then, uh, and conditioner and I always want conditioner and they stop, they stop giving, uh, lotion at a lot of places. At hotels. You can ask for it. Some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, Tucker, yeah, George Sanja asked, he wants his untucked. Okay. Jerry wants his whatever the normal way it is. Yeah. And so, and then it's a whole, they ask, but like they're, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cause they, why are, why is it so tight? All that kind of stuff. Uh, so yeah, you can. I mean, I think you could probably say don't, or you don't, you get your room cleaned the whole time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh? Oh, it's lived in. It's the most lived in. It's lived in, baby. I don't like to be reminded of how lived in it is. I have a problem sleeping on the bed when you can feel the body. You can feel where most people sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause there's, you're gonna notice it and you'll never go back. Everybody will notice now. But when you go one side, you're gonna, it's like you rolled into like a little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Valley. And you're like, that's where it's usually the side in front of the TV, the side, the obvious side. And so it's a side, you're going to pick it without even realizing it. And, uh, I just nuzzle right up in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, but then go on the other side and then as you climb up that hill and you come up, you know, you got like a, what's that rope called? When you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's it, rock climbing? Yeah, rappel. Something like that. Yeah, but you're like, when you get up that road, I mean, sometimes you go, it's a climb. It's like, you have to use muscles to get out of that valley to get to the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so once you notice that, that's hard to sleep on that side because you just are like, golly man, thousands and thousands of people that the bed is deformed into this is where they sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes you care somebody, and then, I mean, you're feeling, waking up, you, you roll over in the middle of the night and take a little, huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mike Vacchione had to move out of his house because of bed bugs. Yeah. 10 years ago and he's still to this day. I mean, he goes into the bed, he goes in, checks in his hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gets complete, puts all his suitcase and everything in the bathtub. Gets completely naked and then does his check for bed bugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every hotel he goes to. He calls to see if they have bed bugs. He also says, he asks, he goes, can I get one of the rooms?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's one of those that you're, yeah, it's like if it's going to happen, it's cause it's, you can't just, you know, you got to fly in a dirt day early to do your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not afraid of fogging. It's letting them know like this is what we do. Keep a little fogger on the nightstand.


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[Assistant] You won't taste and you're going to be an inch shorter, but welcome to this show. Cause now, no bed bugs, I promise you. Like so much so that they're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if that's true, like if you grow up, you grow up with no money and you grow up in like poor conditions. So we're, you know, you just used to it where Aaron comes from ivory blood and so he can't like, I mean, he just gets lit up cause it's like his, his, his beautiful skin and rich blood can't even


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll give you a point if you use the, like, you know, use the same towel or something. Yeah. Will they? Really? Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. They're trying to save, it's saving water if you don't wash stuff. Uh, which I don't use all towels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're wearing me down with this water thing. It's like I, you know, eventually you just start thinking about it and you're like, I guess.


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[Assistant] Like you just think about it, like you drink out of a water bottle and I'm still not cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still drink water bottles, but it's like you, you've kind of, I've started being like, well, let's maybe not try to have water bottles. You know, it just wears you down. Oh, the plastic. Yeah, yeah. Or any of it, like you left, you know, lights on. Like, I mean, I could walk out of a hotel room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, TV on, light on, like, you know, and then you're like, ah, let me make sure I turned it off or didn't use every, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would hope the whole hotel system would deter that.


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, I don't know if I also, I don't know if you're in the right hotel and they're like, unlock your cars.


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[Assistant] When I get to the point out of, there's part of, they stole something, I'm like alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they, you know, there's part of me that's like, I don't know if I have anything in there that like, if they would be, it'd be like, you can have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where are the doors at in this? You're asking the club. Hey, just curious question. Where are the doors at on this hotel? Are they in the parking lot or are they not in the, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I talked about the airport, and they have so much escalator problems. What is happening? Which airport?


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[Assistant] Uh, it was when I came home, Nashville was, and then when I was in, uh, uh, Phoenix.


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[Assistant] I left my iPad on a plane this past weekend. I went to, I ended up going, I'm a good PXG head. I went to Scottsdale. Did something with PXG.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, but then I left my iPad on a plane. I've been tracking it and it was like, it's, you know, it says it's still at the Phoenix airport. It's not, no one's found it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then one time we were finding, I was like, right when I get back to the airport, I was gone 24 hours. I get back to Phoenix airport, I'm tracking it, and I'm like, it's still here, so I go ask and try to find it, and then, uh, I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 20 minutes from Phoenix's airport, I'm like, and I'm almost like, I'm gonna maybe call this, like, cause it was next to an auto, it was an auto shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, he was like, I mean, I was like, I wonder if I drove down there and like, you know, or, and said like, hey, well, yeah, I mean, I literally thought this. I know you got my laptop here. And then it's just in California. You're like, well now, I bet, I bet it's on the floor.


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[Assistant] DJ auto shop in Phoenix. You're going to tell me, cause look at this. And it's in Alaska. And you're like, wow, how'd he get there? Michelangelo car shop. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I, I mean I ride, I ride, I don't ride the walkway, but I'm saying like, they're, they're the ones not, they're the ones taking the most care of it. Right.


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[Assistant] And it's the, it's the, it's the, you know, the ones that are stopping and going. Like as you see a lot of that where I got caught behind.


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[Assistant] A group that they, they like stopped to write it and then I read this one girl.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I, yeaah, I like, uh, I walk on it.


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[Assistant] I don't walk, I don't walk down the stairs, like unless I was in a big hurry, but if escalator down, I just ride it.


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[Assistant] Unless I'm in like, uh, you know, no one was on it.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I would stay. I'd get, I'd get average. But I'm aware of what's going on around me.


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[Assistant] Yea, some people are not. It is wild.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean that's what, that was the whole cow incident, something about, that's what I got in trouble, saying, being aware. It's like, if you're, if you're aware, your life becomes super easy. Cause you just watch it. I just saw it again, uh, somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, golly, what was it? Even just ways to go in somewhere. There's like, just like, there was a, we, uh, we went to church this past Sunday. And so we haven't done it forever. And I, we need, you know, of course need to be going and never home. But even my buddy that I went with, he was like, go this other way. No one really goes in.


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[Assistant] In this way and it was very easy to get in and out that other way and you're like, well everybody goes in the main way and you're even like little stuff.


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[Assistant] It's like kinda like. I love you for church. In and out. Real quick, won't have to see anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that I've seen anybody, it's just, no one wants to, you're like, unless you're rooting for traffic, which I believe you are.


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[Assistant] Even walking in, like, you could just be like, you come in the side, it's easy, no one's there, we get to our seat. And then, I don't care about, I saw plenty of people. This is the first time in this church, I saw a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I keep letting people through. But that's the balance that you play in your head and think about every situation with a lot, you know, put a lot of effort in. But that's also people have jobs and they have kids and they have, they don't have time as a comedian like us to worry about.


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[Assistant] This kind of thing. So I understand that. Like our job is literally to only worry about that.


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[Assistant] Kind of thing. So where I'm hyper focused.


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[Assistant] On all of this, when other people are, and we're doing it so much, you know.


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[Assistant] I stayed in one, they weren't hiding them. Oh, I know. Yeah. I mean, I called as the only time I, usually I would, you could, I would just sleep to the other side. You would do all this stuff and this one was like, well, this is taking over half the bed. Is it blood?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a joke about it. I forget what the joke was. They said how big was it? Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Like, but maybe they're right. Oh yeaah. Oh yeaah. Eh, that's not a bad joke. Yeaah. I could, yeaah. I think I could bring it back. They were like, how big's the stain? And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, there's a stain on the bed and they didn't say, okay. They said, how big is it? I was like, you know, maybe they got a point. Like if it's like, maybe I'm dealing with stains at this hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the idea that they're like, I don't know, the size of a baseball, you're lucky.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like if they just clean up immersing then that's a pretty good job. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're judging a stain on what happened in the room to get the stain. If it was like, you know, a horror movie in there and they get it down to like the size of a, you know, like a...


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[Assistant] Garbage trash can. Yeaah. Then you're like, I'm actually pretty impressed. Yea, you should have seen it before. Yea, this room's the most clean.


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[Assistant] So now, I want the room with this thing. Cause y'all have done the most work to it, and I'll just avoid that one spot.


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[Assistant] I think if you were checking out a hotel and they had black sheets, it would be like,


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[Assistant] ComedyCon knows that that's the price you gotta pay. That's the price of admission to be a comedian. And it's like, you know, and some of them are going, I guess it's going away more than it was back then the way it was, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's like, yeaah, that's your like, kinda you gotta get to. And these, and the hotels that you have to stay in.


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[Assistant] Does she get up and like answer the door and stuff? She walk around like. It's her house. She's active. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] I bet she has, I bet some comics it's like fun. Like if you're probably, if she party, if she drinks or something, like I bet that would be like, you know. She might have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like an old grandmother, like on the road, like you go in there and she doesn't like make you food or anything. No, no.


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[Assistant] You guys stay down here and we're going to be upstairs. And it's a loft, like they can't even shut the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's three different groups of people staying at this house. Yeah. It's them, the openers, or the comics, and then, uh, the Airbnb. Yeah. Man. There's a lot going on there. Yeah. That's like, some of those Airbnbs you can get, it's, it's like people are renting out anything.


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[Assistant] They have any kind of open space. Especially like New York City. Yeah. They're like, you can stay here.


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[Assistant] 50, 50 bucks a night. 100 bucks a night. Yeah, you're like, people are just like, you're like, that's crazy. You know, you gotta share a bathroom with like just a stranger every week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, different city. Oh, okay. He went to New York. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, I would think that's, they don't even know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They don't even know, there's no way that's even, there's no way that's a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're probably just saying that. Put a chip in the Bible. They go, how do you know? You go, we're in every room. You go what?


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[Assistant] Well, I'd imagine if you, if you're like, you're trying to be helpful and if there's restrictions to why you can't help, that's not a good sign. Right. Like it should be open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They would think that you, you drink it on the weekends. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. And you show up with a get in. You have this hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you get a, yeah, it seems like I think you might, not rightfully so, but you get a lot of just like, Adam, we don't want this. Yeah, probably. Oh yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I used to think I could pick people's silverware out or they keep it in their kitchen. And I thought, I mean, I was like pretty great at it. You can tell which drawer it's in. Yeah. And if you give it to them, I could, I could, I could figure it out which ways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I can't find my own at times. I'll open the wrong one and you're like, God, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but I, you could like change in the fa- I like change as well, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's your, your, cause there might not be a perfect system for you. I wonder if there will ever be. Are you going to go, I bet we could mix it up and finally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at it. So I think you just like the change of it. Which is fun because you get to mix stuff up. We were a big family


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We moved, my parents' bedroom went from, it was in the den.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we just had a two bedroom house, so we had me and Derek, and then, uh, I mean, at the beginning we had nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, within a duplex apartments, all this stuff, but when the first house they bought was a two bedroom house. So me and Derek, my brother shared a room and Abigail got her own room. She was a, you know, probably a baby. And so my parents, their room was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's only two bedrooms. Their room was the den or the, they, so they were the den for a while and then they moved it into where the kitchen, the dining room table was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then they would all go in there. So they would, they would just switch up like that. And I think it's made me, we've switched furniture up a lot of like, cause you kind of got to do it when you grow up and you don't have a big house, you don't have like nice things. Like the only way to feel something new is to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're, it feels like a new house because you're, you're living in such a small area. I want to move our couch around. I like, I like want to change stuff every day. Laura doesn't like it, but I would like to move stuff around and just be like, I would like to change our living room up and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look at it and be like, what do we do to mix it up just because it would be nice to have the change, but I do come from that change. Like I, we come from a house that it was like fun to come home and be like, my parents' bedroom was in a different place. I mean, it was like the most exciting thing to be like, I can't believe this happened. Y'all changed every, you know, it was fun. It was fun.


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[Assistant] I think people like watching, I think it's the idea of watching someone live a life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you're just very curious, people are very curious to see how someone else does something. Truman Show, that kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's, I'm sure there's hope that there's things, but it's like, uh, there's also probably gotta be some kind of weird thing.


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[Assistant] Drive behind him, you can drive right behind him, not like he'd ever. Like picking up on a tail? I don't, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No idea. No clue. I'm talking to him. I go, what are you doing today?


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[Assistant] Like it's, you could just follow him around. I've seen him just cause we're on the road and we go, I enjoy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was cool. Like I remember seeing, uh, I remember in LA they had the, the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The escalator that takes you to the shopping cart. And I remember that. I was like, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeaah, I enjoy seeing this stuff too, but like years is, like every time you get an escalator, like I said, every time it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time you've ever, like, when they invent this. And that's how every interaction was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I drive. Oh, y'all, where y'all going? Huntsville. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We might Uber it. Who knows? You will drive. Brian and I are going to Salt Lake city. So we're definitely flying. And your, have you, your tickets next to each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was buying flights, we were talking about it before we started this podcast and, uh, it's unbelievable. They were, I mean, $2,000. And I, we buy a lot of flights. Obviously we go in all these, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's unreal. Yeah, it's, I mean, it was like, I was, we're going to Bend, Oregon and Jacksonville, Oregon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not easy to get to. And so it's like, and then you're just getting the flights there. I mean, it's, it's, you know, it's so much money, but it's crazy. It is crazy time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright, is that it? Yep. Alright, uh, so this comes out this week and then, uh, I'll be in Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's, uh, she's her own person. Yep. And I, and I realized like I've become way into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, so if someone's their own person and they're, I'm just like, no one's doing what they're doing. I am. I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but were you using Twitter? You say you will use Twitter now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to keep up to date with the squirrel stuff, you go onto Brian's TikTok. And, uh, he'll talk to you, uh, with his nose touching the phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's kind of weird to say. It's like, it's hard to be like concrete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's a tough one to say, but you know what's going to happen to you if you don't say it. Right, you better say it. You better say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm fine with believing in any of this stuff and I like it. I like to me, it's like, it feels like that's going to be a kid in a costume. It's going to knock, I would love for it to work out this easy. I think to find this stuff is not going to be this easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet it's like someone doing a joke. You can't go find it. Wolfman is just not going to find a way to really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wolfman, I'm half and half, I don't know if I'd go that far, but Bigfoot, you gotta go out in the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta go out in the woods, woods, woods, woods, and like it's just...


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[Assistant] All right. All right. Uh, thank you everybody. As always, we love you. We appreciate you that you listen and uh, we will see you next week. See ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetse, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you shop on vroom.com, you never have to haggle or negotiate the price of a car. When you sell your car on vroom, you get a price instantly. So you don't have to waste time in a dealership or deal with weird buyers. Vroom is entirely online. When you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to vroom.com, check out thousands of great cars. That's vroom.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life is busy and your well-being is important. Athletic Greens makes it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day with just one scoop.


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[Assistant] They are giving away a free 1 year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free 1 year supply of vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. That's AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pesticide. I had a guy, Tulsa, Oklahoma, a couple of weekends ago came up to me after the show. He said, you said you're from Nashville. I said, yeah. He goes, you ever meet Nate Barghetti?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I listen all the time, dude. That's what he told me. Really? Yeah. I guess he'd never watched it. Oh. And he just listened to it. He's like, you could be on there, dude. Yeah. I was like, thanks, man. You sound like a guy on there. I'll look into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] predicament. Yeah. Of being in New York City from the south and not being comfortable there. Oh. And I still vibe to that every now and then. Yeah, I love it. I mean, I like New York City. You're just there visiting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a metaphor for hell. You check in here, you can never leave. Oh. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is Hotel California. There she stood in the doorway. I heard the mission bell and I was thinking to myself, this could be heaven or this could be hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when you hear a song, you listen to it like a story. Depends on what it is. Yea. Sometimes you can tell, oh, he's trying to, let's rewind it. Yea, he's trying to tell us something. Let's sink in, let's listen to this. Let's see what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're selling yourself short though. I mean, you tell stories in your act, you know what makes a good story. You know how to structure ideas. And I bet you appreciate those things in movies even when you don't realize it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, that's my favorite way to correct us on anything. Look, there's a lot of stuff I could say, but I'll say something else. I'll just share a fun fact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you get a book, an eraser, then like a poster of a car. Yeah, that's the best. Everything you need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Vroom, you can buy a car entirely online and have it delivered straight to you so you never have to go to the dealership again. I just bought a car from a dealership. What a mistake. I wish I'd known about Vroom. This guy bullied me into paying more than I probably should have.


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[Assistant] Well, that's what's so great about Vroom. Instead of going to a dealership, you can do it all from your phone. As you listen to Nate Land, take a break, buy a car. With Vroom, you can browse thousands of cars in one place. So you don't have to spend your weekend driving up to a million different dealerships, price shopping around. Don't do it. You never have to haggle or negotiate the price of a car.


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[Assistant] And when you sell your car on Vroom, you get a price instantly, so you don't have to waste time in a dealership or deal with creeps online. Flaky buyers. Vroom is entirely online, so next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to vroom.com and check out thousands of great cars. That's V-R-O-O-M. Vroom.com. Vroom.com. And finally, for me,


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[Assistant] Our next product. Oh, we use it every day. We love it. It's our old friend's Athletic Greens. None of us eat very well. I do. I eat great, but this table is a problem.


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[Assistant] We're all looking for simple ways to be healthy. Every time we show up here for the podcast, they got athletic greens ready for us. It tastes great. It's easy to make, easy to drink. One scoop of powder. Forget all the other stuff in your cupboard. Clear it out. Throw it away. All you need is athletic greens.


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[Assistant] Contains less than one gram of sugar, no GMOs, no nasty chemicals. Just put it in water, shake it up, and you'll have mental clarity and alertness. It's cheaper than getting all that other stuff yourself. Costs less than three dollars a day, right now!


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[Assistant] It is time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition, one scoop of water. That's it. No need for a million different pills. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five.


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[Assistant] I think real soccer people will call it a keeper.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Soccer's a game of inches, man. I think you can take any kind of advantage you can get.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I don't know. No, that's the only one I'm interested in. That's a huge career milestone, would it be? To be the guest picker on college game day?


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[Assistant] Listen to Finebomb a lot in Alabama. Finebomb was always on, just people, just people embarrassing our state, but I was so into it. Yeah. Screaming. I took a lot of pride in those people.


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[Assistant] Speaking of Vanderbilt, stop me if I'm jumping the gun here, but I wanna, I wanna talk through this parlay, this bet I made.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's super fun. Here's Dustytown.


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[Assistant] His record is 16 and 4. Wow, he's in the UFC? 8 wins by knockout. When's he fight? His nickname's The Train. Oh, last fight, he just had his last fight. Yeaah. And I have that same tattoo on my shoulder. The Train.


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[Assistant] So here's the, here's the, it's a three leg parlay. Let's start with you have a gambling problem. Oh, huge problem. Yeah. All right. This is Vanderbilt to win the national championship and the Braves win the world series and the Titans win the super bowl. I bet $2.


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[Assistant] Okay, now if all those three things happen, I will win $792,000. That's crazy. Wow.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, those are 100,000, plus 100,000 odds. That's what's really making it.


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[Assistant] I had a guy after a show once he goes, man, he goes, man, my uncle's a funny man too. I go, does he do comedy? What's his name? He's like, ah, no, he's just funny. Yeah. That's pretty awesome, dude. Yeah. Hopefully we'll bump into each other at some point. It's a couple of fun, funny minds. Just got some good stories, dude.


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[Assistant] Probably. The maddest I ever got, I was at an open mic in Nashville, Belcourt Taps, and there was, I used to always do a mic after the writers round, where these musicians.


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[Assistant] And they're like, and one guy goes, I feel like I could do better just off the dome up there. And I was just steaming, furious at these guys being steaming hot. Yeah. I was like, no, you couldn't.


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[Assistant] You couldn't do better off the dome. Yeah. You musician. Furious dude. I drove home a hundred miles an hour. I was so mad at these guys. I couldn't say anything about it. I'm like, you guys are such idiots.


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[Assistant] It's crazy to me that they let you do that because it's so important to the vibe, to the vibe of the bar, the tone. We've talked before on this podcast about how it influences behavior in the bar music and we just let patrons control it. It's a gamble. It's crazy to me. It is a gamble.


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[Assistant] They're expensive now in bars. Everyone has the app on their phone, you know, can be like a dollar.


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[Assistant] Have all the things screwed off, you know, before you're ready.


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[Assistant] Do you know how lazy I am? I had a tire lose in air and for probably two months I filled it up every day at the gas station because it would lose air.


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[Assistant] I drive out here to the podcast. I fill up at that gas station close to your house. And then I fill it up there again on the way out because it lost so much air. And then I fill it up before I got home. I just did all that rather than just get a new tire.


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[Assistant] But I think it's a laziness of like, uh, I know where the air is. But like getting a new tire, that's a whole thing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Tommy Pham slapped Jock Peterson during batting practice. Over that. It was pretty fun.


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[Assistant] What is that? You can use VPN to assume an IP address from a different part of the world.


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[Assistant] You could smoke cigarettes at 18, but you couldn't buy them until you were 19.


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[Assistant] You think you need to be competitive too? You think that plays a role in it?


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[Assistant] I still have the degree. I know what you mean. Yeah. It was September of 2019. I saved up. I just signed a contract to do some, some dates with Chris.


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[Assistant] And then, you know, a couple months later that all, that went away and then COVID came a couple months later.


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[Assistant] So yeaah, I was like 5 months into being a full time comic and I felt like it was a huge mistake. Yeaah. Because nobody was doing comedy anywhere. Thankfully in the south we were back doing it pretty quick, but yeaah, I definitely went through a period there where I was like, this was a game bowl that did not pay off.


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[Assistant] I remember I used to assess with this video of Bill Burrow talking about his podcast and somebody writes in and is like, I'm thinking of...


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[Assistant] I'm quitting my job teaching and being a full time writer and he just goes on this rant and what he said was even if you follow a dream or whatever, even if you don't achieve that dream directly, you always end up somewhere better than you were before.


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[Assistant] So, I stuck to that. I listened to that all the time when I was struggling, you know, and then...


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[Assistant] The amount of money they'd make if they were open on Sunday would offset the amount of people that would be upset that they opened on Sunday.


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[Assistant] I think the thick burgers are still doing well, man. You remember when they came out? It was a cultural phenomenon. For sure. In the Weber household at least.


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[Assistant] And he would've died. The birch galifah is too tall.


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[Assistant] I won't be able to cover 340 grand probably, but I'll throw in a little bit. 20 bucks.


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[Assistant] Big week for me, Sunday night, Zany's Comedy Club. I'm headlining there, that's exciting. And then Tuesday, Wednesday, I'm in Naples, Florida, where I've never been. Off the Hook Comedy Club. And then Thursday night, Tampa, SideSplitters Comedy Club.


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[Assistant] Nate land is also brought to you by electric. They make e-bikes accessible for everyone. Incredibly durable and convenient design. Get wherever you need to go over any terrain, including snow and sand.


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[Assistant] Go to electricebikes.com. Use code Nate to get a free foldable mountain bike lock with any bike purchase. That's a free bike lock when you use code Nate at L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E-B-I-K-E-S.com.


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[Assistant] Life is busy and your wellbeing is important. Athletic Greens makes it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day. Athletic Greens is giving you, Nate Land listeners, a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Visit athletic.greens.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] For a free one year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase, that's AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] Finally, what would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? Would you move to a new city, start a new family? Through Upstart, you can pay off your existing debt quickly with a personal loan so you can tackle your next big financial goal. Find out how at upstart.com slash nate. Lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash nate.


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[Assistant] I broke one chair. I have a bit about it. I broke a chair, uh, it was in college, showed up late to a, uh, an exam.


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[Assistant] In like an auditorium, I was late and everybody was taking the test and there was an empty seat in the front and I grabbed my test and I sat down and it took out the whole.


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[Assistant] They're all connected, so it was like dominoes, ba ba ba, everybody fell down.


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[Assistant] And the worst part is the tension was so high because people were taking an exam that nobody laughed.


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[Assistant] And I had to go find another seat in the back.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm aware of it. You scope out the situation everywhere you go.


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[Assistant] Do you ever do on road trips, just pull over on the side of the interstate? The kids had to use the bathroom.