[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, it's midnight, you're in a 24-7 Tesco's, you're in like the, you're in like the jam aisle, there's nobody else around, it's like really quiet, you're just buying some jam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we have something for the ladies as well that's just their own and not recycled from the men's?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, just like in like, you know, day to day, you know, everyday conversations, like I'll, I'll speak to a guy and dicks will get mentioned, right? But like, I won't speak to a woman and she'll be like, Oh man, like God, I've got a sore pussy today or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it doesn't, it never happens. Like it's, it's, it's the great divide. You know, men, that's why men are so different to women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The issues they face with their, with their work tools, right? In that case, it's like work tools, right? So, it'd be like, it'd be the same as like a mechanic saying, oh god, my number five, uh, hydro spanners, bit rusty today, uh, I don't think I could do it. And then like, you know, the guy who works in portions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know though, like, if you were the cameraman, I think after a while you'd get a bit bored. Fuck the cameraman, dude, who cares? You wanna be the guy, you wanna be like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy. You wanna be right in there. Yea. Doing the sex. Would you get bored of it? Yea, I guess so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say variety is the spice of life, and I think in the case of porn, yeah, I mean, every day, if you were like, you know, if you had like a new- Oh, good lord. A new, uhm, you know, a new lady to act with, to do your acting with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean that could, yeah, I mean that could, that could keep it interesting as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had like a serial sort of porn that was like a bit like a soap opera but it always had the same actors in it and you were cast as like the lead guy and you had to have like a lot of sex with the same person? Would you get bored of your job after a while?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird though, because like you were saying, you know, in the future,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actors are going to be expected to do more. Like, do you think that actors have it easy now? Because in the past, I think they did have to do more. Actors had to be not only able to act, but they did have to dance, and they had to be able to sing as well. You know, like a lot of older- But you'd be surprised, a lot of older movies-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would not want to see Doogie Howser having sex, but I would like to see Doogie Howser as a Starfleet captain. I think he'd make a really good Starfleet captain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to say that, but like the guy from fucking, uh, what's it called? You know, he was in Lord of the Rings and he was in The Matrix as well. Short-ass, didn't he? The guy that played the agent in The Matrix. He had eyes that were like, far apart from each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was always under the impression that that was a hard game to begin with. Like, weren't a lot of people like, wasn't that like the ball achingly hard game of the series back before they started re-releasing XCOM?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think the new XCOMs are meant to be, like they follow the spirit of the old games, cause the older games, cause XCOM as a franchise is a really funny one, isn't it? Like it had, the first game was very popular, there was nothing really like it at the time when it came out, and then I think it was a tear from the deep,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were just stabbing in the dark sort of thing. Like, and, and I think when XCOM Enemy Unknown came out, I think, you know, 2K picked it up and they were like, the original games are the best. A lot of the guys that are working on this are huge fans of the original games and played them and stuff. And let's, let's, let's like keep this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it spices things up for sure. Cause you never know, you know, the way XCOM goes. You could be meticulous, you can plan everything to perfection and something can go wrong. And you know, you might lose your all-star guy or guys on a mission and that'll fuck you up big time. Like XCOM's pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can sort of breeze through it past a certain point, you know, if you get a couple of guys who are sort of almost maxed out, they've all got, you know, really good abilities and, and, and synergies and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's fine. But man, it like, you can, you can really sorta get halfway through the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck up on a mission or something, lose a couple of people and it'll screw you hard. We had that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, you know, you know when you're playing Dota and you have a team and your team is doing okay, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have that moment where you're just like, fuck this game, I just wanna like, I just wanna quit out and never play it again. And I legitimately had that yesterday with Overwatch. But I mean, I kept playing. It was still pretty fun, but fuck, I was so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a split second, you're, you're, you're super mad. And then you're like, what the fuck? Like, why am I getting mad at a video game? You just like sort of have to like laugh it off a bit, but it, oh man, it's amazing that it like, cause when I was a kid, I would, I'd rage at games all the time, you know, like especially growing up, like in, in the, you know, the NES era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those really ball hard games that, you know, are, are meant to consume quarters and stuff, you know, like you, you would end up raging out. Like I broke a couple of controllers throwing them against a wall and stuff like you did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, I, I, you know, the older you get, you chill out a lot more, you don't really care and stuff like that, but it's amazing, like even at, at, at this age now, every once in a while, I will get so fucking annoyed at a game, like just so angry, and I'm just like, man, I would never get angry at anything else like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a controller, we had a Super Nintendo controller, but it was like, it was one of those ones that didn't come with the Super Nintendo. It was like a fancy one that you bought separately. I think my brother got it for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, so the side of it was smashed up and it was, it was smashed up to the point where some of the buttons didn't work and you had to like, you had to push down the controller, like push it back together for the buttons to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my dad put like this huge screw in the side, but like the sharp end was sticking up where the buttons were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like just a little bit, like even though he like filed it down a bit, but it was just a little bit. So like if you played with that controller for like longer than an hour, your thumb got all sweaty and it would scrape against this screw and get all fucking mangled. Ah shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it got smashed up, it got smashed up during Super Metroid, and you could do that like sticky wall jump, and there were parts of the game where you had to do that thing where you had to leap from wall to wall, like up a, like a shaft sort of thing, and if you were playing it for a long time, your hands were all clammy, it was impossible to do, cause it was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing I love about Hearts of Iron is that it takes a little while for it to click.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a way, you know, like, cause, cause you sort of, you, you, you, you approach a game like that and it's a big strategy game and you think, I gotta be on top of everything. I need to know what's going on. I need this, that, this, that. And like in a lot of ways you don't. And I like even, especially in multiplayer. I like how there's three of us just playing and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all just doing something, but like it doesn't necessarily tie into what the other person is doing all the time. Like we have like these national goals and you know, obviously like we all want to be, you know, part of a faction or something, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like how you can just, you can really focus like on a front line somewhere and that can take all of your focus and, and nothing else. And then you, you sort of come out of that and you're like, oh yeah, should I need to produce some of this? And then I have to do that. And like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Civ, Civ you really want to sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you could have a playthrough of a game of Hearts of Iron where you could just take like a small little country and you can influence the war, but you might not be, you might not be the dominant superpower by the end of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or anywhere close. You might have just enough, like, in your little country to, to sway things. It might just be that you are- You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that. I love how, I love how each time you play it, it can be different. You know, you could just do something different or, you know, attempt to do something different. You know, like everybody else might be just following the historical path and there you are trying to like turn America into fascists or something. And then if, if you pull it off and you help,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, you could totally change the way that that game plays out, sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Civ's a different type of strategy game, isn't it? It's like, you don't really get stuff like that in Civ. You just, you're trying to win. You're trying to like meet some sort of objective. There's different ways to win, but it always involves you sort of amassing power and influence and becoming like a big player sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love a game that was like city focused that had some sort of like arcing strategy to it, you know, like it was multiplayer, you had cities and you had to build them up in certain ways to accommodate certain things and there were factions and stuff like, I don't know like how it would totally totally work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that'd be pretty neat. Like SimCity, the last SimCity that came out, the way that multiplayer worked in that game where you had like the region and you invited people and they all made their own cities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's so many problems with that game anyway, but it was interesting that you could send workers to other cities, you could trade with other cities, not that it ever really worked, but the ideas were sort of there, you know, like it would be cool if there was a game that was a bit more sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, there was like some sort of strategy to it where, you know, you just, you built up a city and you had to be very careful, like what you built and what you tried to do. And there was like, you know, factions that you could sort of be part of. Pretty neat actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of these games are like, are very sort of typical in, in, in like a gamer mentality sense though, right? Like Dota's probably the same, League of Legends was definitely the same, uh, Overwatch is the same. You get into a party with people that you don't know and immediately two or three people pick


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big damage dealing heroes, right? That, that their only job is to get out there and, and deal a lot of damage and kill people, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then once the game starts and five minutes into it, you slowly start to realize that these people that have picked these heroes aren't doing that job. Like they're terrible with them. And then the whole thing falls apart from there. You're just like, oh jeez, why? Why, why join a game and just pick this hero that is meant to have such a huge sort of sway on the game and not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think honestly you would, and I think the reason why you're saying that you wouldn't is because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're known on the internet. So you're probably always thinking like, oh, this person already knows who I am and they want to just be on my friends list or whatever. And, and on that basis, you're probably like, oh, I don't need to make friends on the internet. But like if you, if you weren't, if you didn't have a big YouTube channel and stuff like that, you probably would accept friend requests from time to time from people you enjoyed playing with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're bad people. I'm bad. I'm a bad man. Man, I don't know about you, Flax, but like, like, since having kids, like, I never really watch the news anymore. I watch it all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I barely ever read the paper anymore. I guess so yea. I just feel like I'm super duper like out of touch with politics and stuff now. Like I just don't give a fuck either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, listen, I'm not doing this on purpose, it's just a natural state that I've arrived in and I think it's just from having like a lot to do and stuff. I just don't prioritize that shit, like I don't really make an effort to watch the news or read a paper now, I just think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking miserable country, jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what, I think what PFLAX says stands though. I think if you don't, if you never know what's going on or ever have any sort of, make any effort to find out what's happening in the world or whatever as well, then you know, that's not good either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause this podcast has been so desperately depressing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're going to do a fan bodega, please make it so that it would take five or seven minutes to read. I think that that's reasonable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you know what? That's like, in a lot of like, a lot of series, a lot of like pilot seasons and stuff like that, that happens, you know? And then when the show gets renewed for a second season, that's when they start to add in like a story arc and stuff, you know? All the individual parts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well this is, this is still season one. Still season one. Okay. No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's something fancy. Oh, I see. That's true, actually. That's true. Speaking of fancy ales, uhm, one last thing before we depart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, walkway thing with a big fountain outside the convention center and it's nestled in between the Hilton and the Marriott, right? So it's like the big outdoor area. Like you've been there before, Lewis, you probably know, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So out there, after the first day of Blizzcon at like 8 o'clock at night or whatever, they're gonna have a party to celebrate. And they did the same thing with Warcraft when it was World of Warcraft's 10th anniversary or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They serve drinks there, uhm, they serve, they get like a local brewery to brew up some beer and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but then they, they theme it around like, in this case it'll be Diablo. So, and they did like Thunderbrew Ale for, for Warcraft when they did the Warcraft one. So it was like bottles of beer with like just a different label or whatever. And man, people were losing their shit over it. Like people were like ordering it and like, uh, don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I've done that a couple of times. It happens, doesn't it? But it fucking sucks so bad when it happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you sort of have a moment after something like that happens where you just have like a word with yourself and you're like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like your parents inside your mind telling you, you yourself off for like doing something dumb like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, it's the worst, it's the worst feeling. And then you're like, you're trying desperately to find things to just like get your mind off it and cheer you up. But like deep down, you're just like so full of self-loathing. You're just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're recording on Friday because it's, it was a bit busy yesterday. We'd be busy a week actually, haven't we? And also your internet's been up and down, PFLAX. Yeah, oh gosh. Pants have been up and down. You know it. You know, we've been, we've...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've been busy, we've done a lot, I've done a lot in the last week actually. We went to EGX, woah, for the weekend. How was that? How was that? It was, it was okay. Yeah? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a good, a good event. It's good to meet everyone as usual. You meet different people. Sometimes some of the, some of the people are the same too. Some of the same people I've met before, but it always feels like they fit into certain categories. I don't want to say this is a, is a bad thing, but you know, although I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that is not true. Our fans are universally cool, funny, like pretty bright. Recluses. Sparkling. No, none of them are, none of them are really that, that, that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you have to, yeaah, the kind of people who want to meet me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because I'm about four inches shorter than both of you, or maybe even more actually, maybe sort of five or six, doesn't mean that I'm a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think both Claudio and Fabio are names that used to be sexy, but now the men have kind of got a bit old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So names go in cycles, right? You know, you can think of old ladies' names that are like Peg and Dot. You know, there was a time when those women were the hottest women in the world, okay? So there'll be a time when we consider, I guess, names now, like, what names are hot now, like Rachel, Jessica, I dunno, they're getting old as well. They're like old millennial names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Civ-uh, Six has been out and consuming most of our time this week. Yep, yep. It's pretty good so far. You haven't played it, have you, Sipsy? No, I didn't get a key, I guess


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh well, cause she'd have to stay at home and look after her kids, I always see. Cause normally- It's hard to play video games when you look after kids. You know, full time mum. She doesn't get enough credit really. No, well full time mums don't. That's the thing. Full time, let's be like zero time dad, isn't it? It's like full time video games dad. Yeah. Yeah. I don't get enough credit either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're making the world at least three less, have less arse, three less arseholes in it. And do you know what? Am I one of the arseholes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I always think that basically the whole thing about that is, it's like when you say the n-word, okay, when I say the n-word, everyone in their head hears the word. Well hang on a second though. Noodles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never use, no, I never use the actual n-word, but I do sometimes say the n-word. Oh, like you say the n-word, but you don't actually use the actual n-word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dangerous thing with that is that you have to be, you have to have wits to do that, you know. And if you don't, you end up just looking really pretentious and stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oscar Wilde though, I imagine he spent like two weeks writing them and then had a little notebook and then whenever he needed to insult someone he'd have to get the notebook out, flick through it, and then read out his wise cracker remarks. I feel a little bit like Oscar Wilde's wise cracker remarks are almost a little bit like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes when you go a bit stir crazy, like when I used to ride the bus to school, I was so bored there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would come up with these sort of scenarios for what happened if there was like an emergency or whatever. Yeah, sure. I do all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would happen if the bus crashed or whatever or, or like there was, or it was held up by hostages, you know, there's like guns, guns all shooting. Held up by hostages? I'm just like looking at that big bus window thinking, how do I break through that window? Can I do it? Or would I just duck down behind the seat? You know, do you ever come up with those? Yea, all the time. All the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but that's not what you do for an emergency plan. You have to, you don't think, okay, if the wing fell off, I would immediately black out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, pretty, pretty high. Let's say like, like 12 stories. Yeah, well, yeah, that's high enough to reach terminal velocity probably, so that is pretty serious damage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there you go. I dunno, it feels like it should be a defensive mechanism against some things. Like, but then again, you're always told different shit, right? You're always told, you know, with a bear, you know, you don't run away from it, but with some other thing you do, you stand your ground. Which one is which?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gorillas and lions and bulls and everything is weird. I never quite know. So basically, if I get presented with a situation where a wild animal fucking attacks me, which is fairly unlikely, I think I may actually black out from the stress of trying to remember what I'm supposed to fucking do in that situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about, I'm about ready to fucking black out if there's a fucking spider on my hands, do you know what I mean? I like fling that thing like, jeez, it's spooky, like a squirrel attacking me, no way, fuck it, I'm out of there. Squirrels man, I'm telling you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just remembered that my dad always used to, and this is a thing that I guess it must be from another time, when I was growing up, my dad always used to keep a cricket bat by his side of the bed in case of, I guess, home invasion or squirrel intact or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, sorry. No, I'm just thinking like, you know, it's, it's, so I guess I hadn't really thought about that. Sometimes stuff comes to you though, right? When you, when you sort of talk around stuff and you're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never really asked about that, I never really wondered why that was, and I guess it's because, you know, that's just maybe people do...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes that happens, there's been these moments in life where you ask this question and throw away, you don't even think what you're doing and someone thinks you're asking something serious and they go, they sort of, their eyes go over like, should I tell him? And at that moment you sort of realise, oh god, what if I've, you're not even sure what you've done and then they tell you something like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your mother was actually from Lebanon and you were, you know, you weren't actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you thinking like, in the same sense though, you're thinking like, uhm, is that when you put together these things in your head and it's like, it's like in a spy movie or whatever where he, he, suddenly everything comes together and he, all those little bits of snippets you've seen from early in the film, all like, you know, it's almost like snapshots of them and it's like, yeah, I saw a guy with a dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, when you were telling that story, I was like, I was thinking the worst, I was like, oh my god, has he, has he put it up his ass? Like, I didn't know what, I didn't know what, like, where was this going? And when he finally told me, I was like, oh, that actually really does make sense. And uh, I didn't, I couldn't figure that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, in the case, I mean, do you guys ever plan for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disaster, you know, like an emergency. Yea, yea, all the time. Like a home invasion. So what's your hope? Do you, do you think, do you ever, cause it's the classic thing of like, it's the horror movie thing of, oh, there's someone invading my home, you know, what would I do? Would I go and grab this knife and would I go to the door? Have you, have you ever grabbed a knife and gone to the door? I have, yea, many times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, just different when I was younger. I think there were a couple of times when I was alone in the house and the doorbell would ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd be like, oh, who's this? And it would be like some spooky looking guy. And so I'd like get a knife out of the kitchen drawer and be like, oh, if he comes in, I'll get him, you know, or whatever. Um, I don't think that that's a good tactic. My tactic now is basically just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slam the door open to anyone who comes knocking around for anything, regardless of what I'm wearing at the time. I get a knock on the door of my flat, it had to happen recently, and I was just wearing like a pair of pants, that's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, does this person live here? And I'm like, nope. And then I close the door in their face. That's good. You know what, I'd go on for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you say that, but I think that when you look, when you look at how gross a screwdriver is, right? When you look at how, what's been used to chop up poop in the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably like, because they were talking about the amount of like poop bacteria and stuff on everyday things. And apparently mobile phones and mice and keyboard are the worst. They are the most disgusting because, you know, everyone uses their phone on the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just, they don't, you know, it's not like they wash their phone ever, you know, properly. They maybe wipe it down with like underpants or whatever. Apparently the phones, iPods, don't use other people, don't touch them, don't use them, they are super, super gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was another emergency home invasion situation, right? So, it's a classic thing of, uhm, I saw it on South Park, uhm, actually this week, one of the new episodes, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't spoil it, basically there's this bit where, you know, he goes through the process of cleaning out his browser history. He goes through this whole process of, oh shit, I need to clear everything, all of my browsing history, I need to destroy the computer and throw it in the river. Like, do you have that kind of, do you have that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mindset, do you ever think, like, oh my god, what if the police come and say, oh, we found out that you pirated these, these movies, like, a year ago, or you pirated this game of thrones, like, and you're like, oh, well, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quick, delete everything, like, burn it! Like, do you have that emergency desire?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's like, it's like getting the Mafia on tax evasion, those sips, you know? They're thinking, oh, this sips, he's a filth bag, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got my, Scott, I managed to get, well I went to EGX and uhm, I was like presented with this situation of having to, like, before EGX I was like, do you wanna do all of these? I, I dunno, like, there's this, I read this really long article by uhm, I think Richard Garfield, I think his name is, who made Magic the Gathering, is that his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Richard Garfield, yeaah. So he designed Magic the Gathering back in the day and he wrote this really interesting article which I read online about Skin-Aware, it's called, where basically it talks about, what he calls Skin-Aware is a lot of these freemium games that are uncapped and the whole business model relies on exploiting


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The 1-2% of their player base who are what they call whales, like in the poker terminology, you know, these people who end up losing or spending way, way, way more than they can afford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and these people are not wealthy when you look at the people who end up spending tens of thousands of pounds on iOS games. It's people who are, who don't have that kind of money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so, and these games are very addictive, they're very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's quite, I think it's the way he wrote a really interesting article about it, you can Google it if you want, but it really sort of was, was, was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was very much about how we end up getting, having to pay a lot for a game. And so he draws attention to some of the games like League of Legends and Hearthstone which are, which are very addictive. And you do have to pay a couple of hundred pounds to be competitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started to find some of the things in WoW were getting their hooks into me in a way that I was uncomfortable with. With things like you have to do these quests before they time out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to do these things to get this thing, you know, you have to keep logging in every day to check for the new things so you don't miss out on getting something that could be really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like it was exploitative and I was frustrated by it so I thought I'm done. I'm not going to play a game I consider to be exploiting my psychological personality traits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm thinking Star Wars kind of themed vibes though. That's what I'm getting out of this a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a struggle involved? Do that next week. Kind of, yeaah. Listen, you can't be like a fan, and like, requests stuff, you know, you have, period's an artist, you can't let, you know, you can't just go in there, sips, and say, oh, you know, do you know what I'd like? I'd like it if my Superman


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't just say that, you got, you know, he's got dignity and artistic credibility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The heat or something. Yeah, sunset. Bodega night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, that'd be good. Holy shit. Yeah. That was amazing. Anyway, let's end on a high, shall we? Wow. Well, next week we'll be back, hopefully, with another episode of Bodega, another, uh, load of fluff for the best part of 45 minutes. Oh, it's not fluff, it's never fluff. It's a serious topic, interested to hear your thoughts on all this. I hope you don't eat while you're there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well look, thank you everyone. See you next time. Cheers! Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but, if you're a regular listener, of course, episode 14, which went out last week now, uhm, was the infamous one where all of us were very knowledgeable about Brexit and Bramain, but we're not gonna talk about that this week. We just had a discussion before we started and we said, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we're too advanced in what we know about it, and the average Joe just doesn't understand, like, they're not on our level sort of thing.


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[Assistant] Woah, what does that mean? What does that mean? Can we just backtrack a bit? What'd you mean by that?


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[Assistant] Well, see, this is where I disagree. I think our demographic is definitely 18 to 21 year old, uh, blonde, size 8, uh, women. Size 8.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, at the very end of that spectrum, there's the, the guys that are attracted to feeding, um, their, their loved ones, you know, like 20 happy meals from McDonald's every day. That's not cool. That's not sanding down like they're like leathery.


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[Assistant] We should have asshole appreciation week as well. We don't, we don't pick them up nearly enough, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horses just shit anywhere. They just stand there and it just comes out. Like it's so weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like a mix of data from time to time and then it like, it sort of transitions back to spark. But yeah, it's just that sort of robotic, like, you know, they make decisions based on really dumb things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they came across a race of aliens who uhm, really took a lot of delight in slaying unicorns, for example,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean, Picard would not be the best man for that job, right? He'd get down there and he'd just be like a blubbering mess, he'd be crying because these people would be like, HELLO HUMANS and just like, you know, slitting a unicorn's throat or whatever. But you send Data down there and he would just do that stupid fucking facial expression he does, you know, where his sort of like face goes back


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he has to like check his receptors or whatever. He'd be able to, you know, he'd be able to like put a really good trip report together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and present it back to the board and to Picard and stuff in, in a fashion where Picard wouldn't get too upset. Yeah, maybe. Because he of course loves horses, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, um, and any sort of, um, creature that's related to a horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. The Vulcan Death Grip is kind of bullshit too because it's just, you know, I understand that like you could cripple somebody if you have like intricate knowledge on pressure points and stuff like that, but I don't know, like maybe like a proper karate chop or like a drop kick or something would have been better for Vulcans.


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[Assistant] Well listen, I actually thought about this before I came out here to record this with you guys. I do actually have some exciting news from my household.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's almost extravagant. No, yeaah. No, nothing that exciting. But, I mean, we've had this old kitchen sink tap that was leaking for quite some time, and uhm, I'm pretty lazy. I never get around to stuff. And then finally I phoned up the plumber, and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it was like two birds with one stone sort of thing, but you know, if I was really, you know, if I was really sort of gung ho about fitting a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A kitchen sink tap, I probably could do it. Can you say gung ho anymore? Why can't you say gung ho? Why couldn't you say gung ho? What's wrong with that? Sounds racist. Gung ho? Against who? Against like- The gungs of Manchuria. Take great offence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was, I'm pretty sure that there was a G.I. Joe figure, um, named Gung Ho. Let's have a look. There's that as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was three at the time, but I grew into them. I had a whole bunch of GI Joes by the tender age of six, I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amazing, it's so amazing and it's not appreciated enough, like nobody looks back into this stuff, like Sergeant Slaughter, remember him? And then there was Jinx, there was a woman named Jinx, and Lady Jane, and there was Duke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And who else? Uhm, there's that guy, there's that guy who was the American football player, and I think they called him like the Fridge or something, and they made a GI Joe of him, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all so similar though, like the names and like the, I'm pretty sure the voice actors and the cartoons were like pretty much the same. Like the guy who did Starscream I think did Cobra Commander and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the guy, they had Destro and then they had that dude, it was like man at arms or something, he had like metal arms and an eye patch, he was a bad guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's who I'm thinking of. But there was definitely a, there was a G.I. Joe guy, he had like uhm, he had like a, like a cobra shaped helmet, I guess, like if that makes sense to you, but he had an eye patch and a mustache, and then he had like two black metal arms, uhm, but I can't remember his name now. He was, he was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the G.I. Joe guys did sorta look like Mortal Kombat guys. Yeaah. Like I think there was a lot of inspiration there. No, no, this was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I remember that. I had the base, I had the offshore, uhm, like, oil platform looking base. It had like the risers and stuff. That was pretty cool. It had like a helicopter landing pad. Shit, there's the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was action men, right? You guys had like the Barbie sized action men.


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[Assistant] People who did that were like, kind of weird and you didn't really, you wanted them to just be pure. You didn't want to have like any weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had to wait for like Christmas for big stuff. Like we, I like, I, we barely got anything throughout the year except for like your birthday or Christmas. And then you'd get a couple of like, you know, big things to tide you over until the next


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it was, and people would fucking raid my cupboards and eat like all of our snacks and stuff. My mom would always get really mad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's when I knew that I was like transitioning into just like a fucking dope of a teenager instead of just being a kid who stayed home and played with toys or whatever. That's like the, that's like the hallmark, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No longer a kid, you're just like some asshole who's, you know, always in your parents house and they're just like, they can't wait for you to move out sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just reaches his arm out of like, out of scene and then, you know, he pulls back some like 14 year old girl. No, he didn't have a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. That comes like later in life though, right? Like people, people become like massive enthusiasts about it or whatever, like as, as they're a bit older and they have more disposable income than they build these massive nerd layers in their basement or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just computer now. Like you just get a big computer with all your games on it and then, well, that's me anyway. Just like sit out here in my dad garage and just fucking play whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like really, like for years afterwards, up until we were like maybe even like 16, uhm, we, we still played with Lego a lot. Like we'd make these huge, huge bases out of Lego, uhm, and then we'd make like a ball out of Lego that we'd throw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At each other's bases. So you had like a huge base and you had to have like a power core that was like hidden somewhere. So if they knocked out your power core, you were dead, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and we, cause we, all of us had tons of Legos, so we, at one point I think we just combined all of our Lego together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just had like thousands and thousands of pieces of Lego and we would just sit there like, it always happened if there was just like nothing going on, right? Like if, if nobody had money or we just like weren't doing something or whatever, we would just sit in our friend's basement and we


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play fuckin' LEGO forever, it was crazy. It was really fun too, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we were just like, you know, feeding our girls and just playing lego and stuff. Yeah, it was a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's the way it is though, like, it's just the way that kids are, like, they just think that they have no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have no concept of like, of time, really, kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like we, like we went, we went on, on vacation, uh, last year. Um, we, we took my son to Disneyland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally splashing him in the face at that second, he's just not interested. Like it's just, it's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're from Greece or from Italy, uhm, I just want you to know that I don't share the same opinions about you as Louis, uhm, so don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No disrespect, man. No disrespect, man. Okay. That's all I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, yeaah. I remember when we were, when we were kids, I remember a big problem for us when we were kids, cause we had to play outside a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, was the streetlights weren't bright enough to be able to catch a baseball or a football?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My son does this thing where he's like, alright, uh, we're gonna be characters from this show. I'm gonna be like the main character, like he'll, he'll, he'll always pick the main character or he'll pick the bad guy, like the main bad guy, like for, for whatever reason. Those are like his go-tos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he gives me the option. He's like, what character would you like to be? And then I'll, I'll be like, uh, I just


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[Assistant] It's really, really good. Uh, it's funny, it's funny like, like playing like games like that with kids and stuff. Cause their reactions are so genuine, like so funny too. Cause they don't have a filter, right? Like they're just like, whatever they're thinking, it'll just come out sort of thing. So it's like, yeah, it's really excellent.


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[Assistant] And then I think next month there's a DLC coming out where you can manage your own vault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah yeah, I did all my placement matches and I'm rank, or rating, 51. Wow. So yeah, I'm the best. Congrats. Thanks man. What does that mean? It's on a scale of 1 to 100, so really average I guess.


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[Assistant] Competitive play is cool though, like it changes the rules of some of the maps and stuff, so like uhm, you know like the, you know the capture point like leading into payload maps sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in the first round, let's say you're defending, right? Or no, let's say you're attacking, okay? And you, the other team defend so well that you can't even capture the first point at all, right? All you have to do, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Soldier 76 has like a, it costs like 300 competitive points, but it's like a golden gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that, just shit like that, but it's, it's definitely sort of heading in the right direction. It's, it's interesting anyway. It's pretty fun. So I've been playing that a bit and then Prison Architect as well. Still playing that. It's fun. Enjoy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like uhm, I feel like recently I've been playing games a lot more naturally. Cause like you tend to sort of not do that when you record for YouTube and stuff. Sometimes you're like playing games that you might not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like Fallout and Prison Architect are my more like long brewing games where there's like a story developing and stuff like that so it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why was it a tricky one? I never know what to do when I get back into it. It's such a huge game, so overwhelming. I like, I log into my, my, whatever my character was that I last played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More often than not, like if I come back to play WoW, I usually just level the character from scratch again, just to sort of get back into it or whatever.


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[Assistant] When you leave it and you try to come back to it, it's, it's really impossible. I guess that's why expansions are quite good though. Cause you, you're sort of forced to restart cause there's all this new content. You have to go through it. You have to do all this stuff. And then if you're still really into the game or you want to keep playing, you know, you're, you're, you're just there sort of thing and it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna play Legion when it comes out. I'm actually looking forward to it. I don't know how long I'm gonna play it for, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely things about it that I miss that like I don't think will ever come back, you know, like having a big guild sort of thing and a really like active guild chat and you know, raiding regularly with, with people and stuff. Like I don't think I'd ever.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know if the game is like that so much anymore. I guess it is for some people, but I don't know if it is for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit different now, just like, well I get games given to me for free a lot now too, so like I don't appreciate them as much, like I'll play a game that I haven't paid for and I'll be like, ehh whatever, like I don't even care about it sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the fix though, there's lots of, you know, there's lots of things that you can do with it though, you know, like there's lots of countries that you can turn into something out of nothing and really change the course of the war, like no matter where you are, like I feel like there is a limit to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's definitely different and cool too. Um, Pirian's comments about the faction thing in Hearts of Iron IV is off the back of the fact that we've recorded a sort of game, me, Pirian, and Lewis of Hearts of Iron IV, which went okay, so I guess you'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, wasn't, I wanted to say something else as well about, oh yeaah, about wow, sorry, just uhm, before I forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The funny thing about WoW and the funny thing about the expansion model, like every time an expansion comes around, I think a lot of the hype for people who have played the game, um, you know, since the start or have played it for a very long time and have been around for a couple of expansions at least, I think there's always that hope that you're gonna get things back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've lost along the way in terms of WoW, right? It's a fresh expansion. Everybody is going to get into it. Everybody is going to hopefully really enjoy it and stick around and then you're going to get your big guild back with regular this and that and do fun shit or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can pay for your subscription with it now too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The zombie one, right? And then I think the next one we should do should be a post-nuclear apocalypse, like kind of like a fallout sort of thing, you know, coming out of a vault and then, you know, just like having an adventure in a wasteland leading up to something. That'd be awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zombie is pretty played out. I think even post apocalypse is pretty played out. But the thing I like about post apocalypse is that if all you have is a wasteland of something that once was like, you know, a thriving normal place or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's lots of different stories you could have there sort of thing, and you're not just, you're not constantly running away from hordes of zombies necessarily, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did that, we did a similar one to that, the one before, was it the one before last year? I remember you guys were dressed up as space people, yea. Yea, the space one. But yea, I know if it had, yea, if it had maybe a bit more to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to be a feeder next time. It's going to be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, when I read that, I instantly thought of Andy Dufresne because he's like, you know, the role model prisoner that everybody thinks that they would be like, right? You know, go in there, carve out chess pieces, uhm, you know, try to convince people that you were innocent and then escape out of a shit pipe. He was convicted in the murder of his wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was wrongly convicted, even though he, cause she was having an affair, right? And, um, he, he killed her or allegedly killed her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think it's probably pretty likely that I would either end up killing myself or I would just be so fucking traumatized by the whole thing that I just wouldn't be the same person at all. I'd just be like a slobbering mess in the corner sort of thing. Yeah, it would be pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is though, prison is fucking hardcore, man. Like the thing is, if you're gonna go to prison, okay, I think that if you're doing something and you're not in prison, but it's something that could


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Omar in The Wire, when he goes in, he's got two fuckin' old school homies who like, you know, watches back, give him the phone book so that he doesn't get stabbed and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' duct tape that shit to him and everything and it's just like, oh man. That's what you want. That's what you wanna get. You wanna go into jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Next! Our, our, our last question before we wrap up is from Jonathan Deridder. Uhm, and he says, when are you guys gonna do a Hearts of Iron game and with who? And we can say to you right now, Jonathan Deridder, we've done one. The three of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it'll be on team double dragon at some point soon, hopefully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're planning on doing another one as well. So if that one isn't enough for you, Jonathan Derrida, there's a whammy coming at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Stellaris is on the card somehow as well too, at some point possibly, so. That would be fun. Yeah. Eventually, maybe. Alright, well uhm, thanks for listening, and uhm, you know, stay- Stay strong, folks! Fight the power! Peace! Fuck yourselves, and bye!


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[Assistant] IRL I think. They've got a new, they've got like a new category now, don't they? On Twitch where you're not actually doing anything other than just like talking or whatever and it's like, it's called IRL. So you can just do it on that. It's like, kinda like the social eating thing but it's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's the voice now, which is kind of like top of the pops, but it doesn't have all the, um, sorry, not top of the pops. I thought you were talking about American Idol. Like the voice now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cut out all the, uh, you know, when they get the people on that just like make a total fool of themselves. And that's like, like the, everybody wants to see that stuff. It sort of just gets, it cuts all that stuff out and gets like the actual decent singers and some are just better than others or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It totally is, yeaah. These are just like, sort of, uh, everyday people or whatever and then they, you know, can potentially become, I don't know, the winners or whatever. Master Chef is like that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, it'd be like a nursery school for adults. Like, you could really just formulate it in that way. Alright everybody, get your yoga mats, it's snap time now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but they're not though. As soon as the teacher leaves the room, somebody's making fart noises and everybody's laughing. It's just, it's just like a little bit of a thing, you know, like it's like a novelty. They're like, Oh, this is new. But they're not tired. They're not having a full fucking rest or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that annoys me now though is that a lot of these, some of these people that have been in like some of the earlier seasons of Big Brother or whatever, they're still kicking around. Like they're still on TV in some way, shape or form, but they somehow get onto these like celebrity shows where there's no real celebrities to pick from. Like MasterChef is a perfect example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they're desperately clinging to it. I think part of them maybe is, but I think for the most part, it's like, here's a job. Well, yeah, sure. I'll do it. Why not? I don't, like you said, they probably not, don't have anything else to do. Like before they appeared on big brother, they were probably just like fucking doing whatever, like not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not sitting in a studio all day, like recording the next hit album or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, some, some like sort of like almost household name will be on it. You'll be like, oh shit, you know, like that, that's like the heavy weight of like that celebrity cast. And then the rest of them don't need to be known at all just because they can sort of say like, well, Jack D's in it. Everybody knows that guy. So it's, it's fine. It's a celebrity show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you guys remember, like, uhm, I can't remember what season it was, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then if you went on celebrity big brother and you met like Jason Donovan, he's like, Oh, hey, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's low enough yet, man. I think it's gotta go a lot lower. I think it's always been fucking in the shit hole anyway. Listen, there was one season of Celebrity Big Brother where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a bunch of, like, celebrities, I guess, like, you know, people that maybe you've heard of, and then there's a couple of people that you probably did hear of. And then they put some random...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, girl band called like, I don't know, fucking. The Snatches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, um, and, and they were like, oh, okay, cool. Yeah, great. Okay. And they all like befriended her and everything. And then at the end,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, I think she won it as well. She did win it, yea, she won it. Okay yea, so she fucking won it. And then at the end she had to like tell them all, oh that's crazy. And ever since then she's been in like these fucking women's magazines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By putting on weight and having pictures of herself taking a bathing suit and then she spends a bunch of time losing the weight again and has more pictures taken with the bathing suit on. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's different for, for people like that who sort of become celebrities through celebrity, if you like, sort of thing, you know what I mean? Like they're not known for anything, but they just, like Jade Goody, like she was just in Big Brother. Like in Britain, she just became very well known, sort of like, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know she died of cancer, like a couple years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's her face as well? Carrie Katona. She's another one who just like hangs around all the time. You always see her. She's always.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing the same, putting on weight, losing the weight, doing an exercise video, this and that. But she was like, she started in a, she was, she was in a girl band for like two weeks and then I think she got really big off the back of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a celebrity, get me out of here, you know the jungle was. And ever since then, like, she's just been around in some way, shape or form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like really, really big celebrities who are like, uh, you know, like recording artists or whatever sort of kind of go through phases as well. Like I noticed, and especially this, this especially happens in music and like Britney Spears is a perfect example. Like there's, there's all sorts of things that there's all sorts of phases that you go through. And then once you've exhausted all of those,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're basically left with nothing and then you just get like a residency in Vegas or something like that, like Brittany has.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you notice that she went from doing like the schoolgirl thing to like being like a dominatrix to like losing her fucking mind and shaving her head and then she had like a bunch of alcohol problems and then there was just a whole bunch of like weird fucking divorces and problems with her kids and stuff and then residency in Vegas like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like she just like, she just like went, she's like realized her final form now of celebrity, like just by having this fucking full time job in Vegas. But like the lead up to that, there's so many like weird fucking phases that she like had to go through. And that happens a lot too. It's really weird. I don't get it. Like, is it worth all the money?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paris with my wife, like just, we went, we were in Paris and we thought, oh, we'll just go for the day and check it out. This is before he had kids and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is. And this is when she used to be with Brian McFadden. And they're just fucking pushing around prams with kids and stuff, just looking around Disney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it wasn't even like that at all. I turned around, I was like, do you want to say something to them? She's like, no? Like what the fuck? We were like, yea alright, let's get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were not fucking gushing man, I'm telling you we were not. It was just, it was just a bit sort of like, it was weird. And then we were like, fuck, I don't want to say anything. You go say something. No, I'm not saying anything. Then we just fucking walked away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it reminded me, my, my grandma used to say, like, uh, when I was really young, like if, if ever I like went to her and I said, oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I don't actually like, like his hockey skills that much anymore cause like, you can almost like smell how bad his shit is and stuff and he's just sitting there like totally-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it was like, I get what she was trying to do. Like, you know, she's trying to say like, you know, nobody's that amazing. Like don't fucking spend all your time like obsessing over somebody or looking up to them or whatever and trying to like sort of bring you back to reality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you can't have everything though, right? No, I guess not, no. Maybe he had like just a fucking really small dick and he was like terrible in bed, but like amazing at hockey. Here's the thing you should know about people. The trade-off is though, I feel like now that I have kids and stuff like that, I would love to just be really good at hockey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the downside being I would just suck at having sex. Cause like, arguably I don't really need to do that much anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was in all those documentaries just like looking like really concerned when George Best was just totally yellow and looked like he was going to fucking die any minute sort of thing. He did. She was right. And she was, she was all up in those documentaries all the time being like, we're trying our best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't watch like any late night or anything like that anymore cause I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, he was in Heat as well, yeaah. And he's like, he's really good, he had like a really sort of good face for it and everything, he played like the sort of quiet, uhm, husky guy. What's he done since 2000?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just dropped off the map. He flopped because of the porn vid and drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a perfect example in his heyday of B-list. He wasn't enough to sell a film on his own, but if he was a supporting actor, hell yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so are you saying that relatives of actual celebrities, cause Paul Gascoigne was huge as well in his time, so relatives of celebrities are automatically zealous? Cause I don't think that that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, cause remember Peter Andre was kinda the same, remember? He just, he fell out, like, he had a hit, like, in the early 90s, and then literally fell off the face of the fuckin' earth. For about 15 years, nobody fuckin' knew who he was, and even when he was in...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It can't be all the same people year after year after year though. It's like, it's the same on YouTube, you know, like, uh, your audience on YouTube, like people grow up, eventually move on and maybe they're replaced by other people. Sometimes if you're lucky, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody knows Jedwood because we laugh at Jedwood. But they're notorious more so than famous. It's like Jade Goody as well. She's not like, not notorious like B-I-G notorious, like uh, just notoriously fucking dumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm sure they do. Man, they go home and cry every night just like you and me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not good enough. That's what you always have to look out for. When people list everything that they are, like in their Twitter profile or whatever, that's when you know that you're probably not going to know who they are. Cause like, uh, I'm a mother, father, uh, politician, falcon breeder, uh, I'm a toaster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like some sort of like new age hip hop superstar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Oh no, no, she did a show, she- sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aggie did another show after How Clean Is Your House.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] about people pooping in containers and what they're eating and then they would, they would somehow analyze the poop in the container and say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a healthy poop. What have you been eating? And then they like put it all on the table, what they eat in a week. And it's like, like one dude, he had like a phobia. Okay. He couldn't eat anything except for like mature cheddar cheese and salted potato chips. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He couldn't eat anything else, and that's all he ate. And then she analyzed his poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everyone was like, this guy's gonna die in like a week. Like there's no way you can sustain yourself off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, like, his, his dinner would just be a plate, a mountain of grated cheddar cheese with potato chips on the side. That's it. Every day. Okay. Jesus. Like almost all of his meals. Cause he had like some sort of phobia or something. He wouldn't eat anything else. So they analyzed his poop and everybody was like, oh fuck, he's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How clean is your house? I get it. Some people have really dirty houses. They come in and clean it up and then you get that satisfaction at the end of the show. Great. The house is clean now. Hopefully these people will keep their house clean, not go back to the old ways or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pooping and the diet one, I don't, I don't, there was no fucking satisfaction to be had at the end of it. It was just like, these people are gross, they're gonna continue to be gross, what the fuck is wrong with this guy eating all this cheese all the time? I'm done. Like, I stopped watching it. I couldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ru-Ruples. I think Ruples is the currency in Ze-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is like the first, he's like, he's like, he was like the first, um, I get like, what's the, what's the proper term now? Like, are you still allowed to say transvestite or is that not allowed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was a comedy thing too, right? Cause he used to do stand up and stuff, didn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to sit around and fucking talk about it for the next 20 fucking years. Like, we have games to play and other important shit to do. Just do it if it makes you happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, on the whole celebrity thing. If you're related to a celebrity or if you become a celebrity through your association with a celebrity, are you sub-Zed-less? Let us know. Because personally that makes me, in whatever capacity that I'm some sort of celebrity on the internet, sub-Zed-less because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only became what I am today, Louis, by being associated with you loosely. Like, you were popular, and then I just sort of like piggybacked off that, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're like my cousin, I guess, or whatever. Thanks for, thanks for giving me the opportunity, Lewis, to sit around in my, uh, jogging pants all day playing video games. You're welcome. Thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll still, you'll still always have issues and problems and stuff like that. It's not, it's not realistic to live a life that's completely problem issue free. Like even with a lot of money, there's always going to be something, right? It's even worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's constantly coming home late and I haven't seen her in like quite some time and even just now she's sent me a text and said that she's gotta help her boss work on his boat again tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's one of the big problems with like a universal sort of, um, you know, like a wage or something like that is that there's, there's always going to be, there's always like a, like a status quo, but then there's always going to be, um, things that people think that they need and people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess like for the, for the sake of making it work, but like, I don't know, I feel like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're working on like an assembly line or, or, or making stuff or, or having the skills to do that. But the thing is those jobs eventually get replaced by automation and stuff. And that automation isn't cheap. Like that's a huge investment for a company to fucking put that shit in, run it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, into like these more service oriented roles, right? Like, and I'm not just talking about fucking serving people at McDonald's or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all that shit too, but then, like, think about, like, if you do anything sort of like, uh, off, off track, you know, like, uh, you, you take, you, you go on a flight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you upgrade for like for cheap, but then you get access to like the lounges and stuff like that. These places, they're full of people, like, and you don't know what any of them are doing, but they're around to just cater to all these fucking weird rich people who have like all these like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All these fuckin' poor people who have to work in fuckin' Subway as sandwich artists and like ask you about your day and shit like that's already starting, man. And that's gonna be the future. Everybody is gonna be fuckin' serving somebody with more money than them. And that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, people gotta work somewhere and when they're, when they're desperate to have a job so that they can buy like a big TV and stuff like that, trust me, they'll be in an airline lounge shoving five plums into some old


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, Sips is right. What he was saying is right. I've turned into a wrinkly old rich man and I'm telling five people to go out and get me plums from different stores in Bristol so they can shove them in my ass when they get back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that's just delivering goods is different, man. Like you're talking about like going out to eat, going traveling, you know, all this stuff that requires like the human touch, you know, just delivering a fucking Xbox game to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, did you ever visit Michael Jackson's Neverland? There was a lot of fucking people working there, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sit in my fucking living room playing garden skips on my iPad for like six hours a day. Do you really think I sit around and think about that shit ever? Yeah, it's true. All right. The feedback by the way for Bodega has been pretty real. It's been sensational. I hope it doesn't get to your head, flax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And of course, as we all know, Perian, after defeating the Balrog, he became Gandalf the White, and he got a new staff, and he got a new club. Alright, whatever Ned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, how are you, how are you, how are you guys going? Did you, how did you have a good Valentine's Day? Did you manage to get any time away from the kids to spend it with your lovely significant others? And did you manage to romance them with chocolates and flowers and pink things and hearts and get full into the corporate culture? Did you do anything of that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The beautiful romantic nature of uh, marriage and kids being a dad. Oh, that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my Twitter profile is just, um, my, like, sexy abs with, you know, I love you written on it backwards and sharpie and sweet. No, no flame. That was a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys, like, you know, I'm just, you know, every time I go to a convention, I just get like so many phone numbers, and like so many girls are like all over me, and you know, every stream people are like chatting me up and stuff, and you know, DMing me on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she was pretty, pretty lone. No, it's, no, I didn't hang out with my mom. But uhm, no, it was, it was good. It was fine. It was, it was, uhm, it was nice. It was a nice Valentine's Day. I haven't had a particularly nice Valentine's Day for a while, I must say. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I'm, I'm, I'm a guy for a, I'm a sucker for a bit of a romantic gesture, you know? Like, uhm, yeaah. Definitely, like, uh, if it's, uh, I remember- Like a reach around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a gesture. I feel like I've, I've got stories to tell, but I, you know, it is like- You don't have to, it's private. It is like, yea, it's private, so I don't have to tell you all of my stories, maybe, maybe in future. Yea. I can tell you some of them. That's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a big problem though, Sip, uhm, I feel like, you know, people act like you going out and like having a heart to heart with your bro is something that doesn't happen very often between, between guys. Guys kind of don't talk about relationships very often or like what they're doing or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I've almost ever had a conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People always get super salty when we talk about this stuff, by the way, but because they think we're so naive and clueless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is something which, uh, you've just mentioned at the start of the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even Pearl Harper had a big conspiracy theory around it, didn't they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a fan. Floppy hair. Not a fan. He's good, he's good. Not a fan. Holy shit, let's get off this topic, like, impronto, before, before the, before the feds get us, and like, shut us down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That life advice could just apply to boys forever, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are those notices that you're supposed to act on though? It's like, you know, Julie has a chicken pox party going on at her house this weekend. Bring your kids so they can all get chicken pox. Is that still a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes when you get to the bathroom and you think, I'm not going to be sick, you think, I'll make myself sick anyway. Just to get it over. Just to get it, yeaah, to like save the half an hour of being unsure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just think about, you know, your mum or something, your mum says, just makes me sick every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, I'm sorry I didn't think that one through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, incredibly, you know, still stands today as like, if you haven't seen it, go on. Exactly. You're missing out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what I had, I was looking, I tell you what I did in the Valentine's day evening, and this is the truth. I was, I was, I managed to get some, some time out of my schedule. Right. And I had a really hot and spicy date with a microwave curry for one. Nice. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Uhm, and yeaah, it was, it was, it was, it really does hold up. I think there's an automatic thing in your head that puts you off black and white films, right? As a, as a person, as a person today, like, I, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd rather watch something new, or Twitch is a thing. I'd rather watch something on Twitch, even if I know it's going to be boring and crap compared to like a really well-placed, or slightly older YouTube video, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd rather watch a film that's new and out of the cinema rather than something which is really highly recommended but a year old. Uhm, so I think there's a big problem with like watching black and white films but I think if you can, if you can overcome that there's actually some incredibly, incredibly good films that are really worth watching and it's only an hour and a half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's several things that are contagious, right? Yawning, laughing, uhm, and then crying is quite contagious. But then, barfing is obviously quite contagious as well. Like, if you start, if someone starts retching, you're going to start retching as well sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the big bog sacrifice. I mean, that is a very, I think that is a very kind of deliberately placed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I remember I cried when I watched the last Lord of the Rings film when there was like some epic battle going on or like the ghosts all turned up or some bit in the movie that I remembered from the book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember I was like, I was crying one time though, and I felt like really guilty about kind of enjoying it. I felt, I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying the crying. Did that make you cry more?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then we'll end up just crying in each other's arms, just like saying how, how, how old we are and like how we've wasted our lives. I don't think I've wasted my life, not too much anyway. No, I don't think any of us have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's, uhm, do bodega, shall we? Have you got bodega puflats? I do. It's, it's, this is, this is a fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I noticed that someone was giving us, like, advice on how to pronounce the heart numbers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you've got to understand that's partly why they, they rebooted it. You know, it's, it's like the same thing I was talking about earlier. It's tough for people, young people to watch what are perceived as old films. And they have aged pretty well at Star Wars films, but you know, they've been, they're such iconic films that, you know, it feels like they've been, feels like even if you haven't seen them, you've seen them. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well that is all we've got time for on Triforce this week. That was amazing. I had a good time. Thank you very much. Me too. We will see you all next time. Cheers! Goodbye from me. Goodbye from Sips. Bye. Goodbye from Flats. Bye. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Uhm, yeaah. We got a juggernaut in Cell Block 2. We got a juggernaut going on. So, please send in the dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you haven't lived until you've been hit by a bus and survived to tell the story. Now I'm a real man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I lived through it. Yeah, well my life fucking sucked and I'm fine, so what's the problem?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real though, if you want an experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should sell our shares in general election.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I was there, I was there, god damn it. Oh, god. Fuck me, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi everybody, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Woohoo!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, normally that's not like a cold thing to do. Like, if you have to walk somewhere, yea, you're cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or if you're like standing outside, you know, if you're on a construction crew of five people and you work for the government and you're looking down a manhole all day outside, that's cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that can be pretty cold, it can be pretty windy up there, but normally, you know, you do something like, you know, you drive somebody in somewhere to avoid the weather, but like even inside the car, the steering wheel was so cold, I had to like constantly remove my hands from it while driving. Okay. It was that cold. Safe. Fuck me. That sounds safe. Pretty safe. Very safe dance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a dad joke though, in itself, isn't it? Like, hey kids, watch this, whoo! Like, you know, take your hands off the steering wheel. They're like, dad, what are you doing? Like, that's fine, don't worry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think people appreciate how hard the school run is and I think that's why I think in Asia they get it. They understand that the school run is like really fucking hard work. You gotta do it for years and years and years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You become like a hollow shell of a man after it's all said and done. And that's why your kids look after you when you're older in Asia. But over here, they don't. What do they do? They get government jobs and then they don't give you your pension anymore. And then you're on those commercials where you're frozen to death in your.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] apartment because they didn't put the heating on. You know what I mean? Like what's up with that? Why can't we take care of old people in Britain like they do in Asia?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm talking about those people that you see on documentaries all the damn time. You know on the news every day, they're like, oh, the price of heating fuel has gone up again. And then they show that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, go stand outside for 10 minutes, okay, in, uh, and just wear a cardigan, and that's it, and maybe like a blouse, and come back in and tell me how you feel about this old lady. I think you'll feel sorry for her, it's cold out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she can't afford to put her heat on. It's as cold inside as it is outside. That's what I'm saying. And she's not moving around. She's too old. She's just sitting in a chair and she's even colder than you because at least you've like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until they accidentally see you naked and then it's not such a good thing. Cause, I don't know, there's a line, isn't there? Right. You know, like, you want to be, you want to be free in your own house to do whatever you want. So like, you know, sometimes you don't want to get undressed in the bathroom to take a shower. Sometimes you want to get undressed outside of the bathroom and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look after your parents, I guess. When you have like a lot more kids than them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because we're really precious nowadays. Especially like people that are approaching their mid-twenties or like their early thirties nowadays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of his brothers is called the same! I know! It's not that, it's not that far-fetched because in the West everybody just like uses the same names as well. Every year there's like two or three really popular names and guaranteed your kid's gonna be in a class with like ten of them. Let's see your new, let's see your new three tens. There's literally ten khaleesies in my, in my son's class. I'm not even kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, the most appropriate pootoo. They'll have like, affixes, like they'll have like, smelly pootoo, and tall pootoo, and dumb pootoo, and bucktooth pootoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it sounds like a, it sounds like the name of a Pokemon. Is that like, is that, is that where they got their inspiration from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's man, I can't, I can't think of cockfighting and not think of that Seinfeld episode with the, with the cockfighting and Lil, Lil Jerry. Remember that one? Fuck me. I was going, I can't, I've never been to like an animal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find Mr. Mistoffelees. Where is he? He's underground. What's he doing? He's at a cockfight. Wow, let's go find him. Like, it's always there, right? Cause like all the gambling and stuff, but like, you're pretty fortunate in a weird sense that you've seen one, because like, I don't think everybody will get to see one in their lifetime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, if you were to do that in like England, you would feel horrible because like, the caliber of people there as well would be like, fuck, holy shit, stone cold killers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want it to be quick. You want it to be quick. Because back in the day people had the stomachs for that, but nowadays everybody's like too much of a pussy, they just want it to be over quick and they want to get their money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I tried to haggle with an Egyptian taxi driver one time and he was just not having it. I was like, I was ready for it too. I was like, oh fuck, okay, here we go. Now we're going to haggle. And he's like, 20, 20, 20 pounds. It was like Egyptian pounds, 20 pounds. I was like, no, no, come on, come on, 90s, like 20.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, how about 18? 20 pounds! He was just not fucking having it. He was so mad. He was so fucking grouchy as well. And I was like, alright, fine. Let's get out of here. 20 pounds. Just like ran out. I don't even know where. We just got out in the middle of nowhere as well. Fucking. Like Egypt was like, I went on a similar trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to Egypt, uh, it was like, uh, kind of, it wasn't like a honeymoon or anything like that though. It was just, it was just a trip for the, for the sake of a trip sort of thing. And like, I don't know if Bali's like this, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we got a five star hotel and we thought, fuck, it's gonna be amazing. It wasn't like that amazing. Like, a five star hotel in Egypt is just like, not, not great. Like, they need like a higher star rating or something for the better hotels, cause like, five stars just wasn't enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sell, they try to sell so much crap though, like I remember when we went around Europe, we took trains around Europe and just like for two weeks just took trains and tried to like visit all like the major cities. Did you give them back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so we run around and every train station is littered with people who are clearly on massive amounts of drugs all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like real down and outs and stuff, and people trying to sell stuff, like, but not, not, you know, not a guy with a hand-carved grandfather clock, like they buy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really cheap shit like, you know, dancing Mickey mouses, you know, those like wiry things that dance when music plays somehow, but they're, they're cheap as, as anything. And you just saw them everywhere. Like there's always like a guy standing outside the train station with like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a bed sheet on the ground and it was just covered in these dancing fuckin' Mickey mouses and stuff. And then occasionally you'd have like, you know, like in Paris they'd have people selling like all these like, they looked like they were made of pewter but they weren't, they were just plastic with like gold paint on them, Eiffel towers and shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we were in, I think it was Rome, or it might have been Venice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like, there was this, there was this one street we went down and it was just full of these people, uh, selling these, these, like the Mickey mouses were there, of course, but like, you know, all these like souvenirs and stuff. So this is all like laid out on the ground, like on a bed sheet or like on a pillowcase or something. And these guys just standing around listening to music, trying to sell this stuff. And so we're going through and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we come across this guy and he's got this sheet down and he's like, the stuff he was selling was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or maybe it was like a, like a, like a house, like converted into flats or something, you know, cause sometimes-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was not me. You're very, you have like, there's, where the letters go, you've like drawn a square and they have to fit in there perfectly. A dotted line and the letters go in there. Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, remember, remember when you used to exchange notes with girls in school and girls always had really upbeat bubbly writing. Yes. You know, like with big circles on the eyes and stuff like that. Yeah. And like, and it would always be like, Oh man, I can't believe like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't even remember what she looks like, but I bet she's pretty hot based on this handwriting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like really curvy lettering and stuff and then me is like all just, it looked like a, like a three year old. With a crayon. Crayoning, yeah. My handwriting doesn't reveal much about me except that I'm a dumbass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, so my wife does all that? Her handwriting, I'm not even joking, is like fucking amazing. It's like reading a printout, like from a computer. Mine is terrible. It's like so clear and perfect. And then mine just looks fucking awful. It's offensive, it's so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it like a big deal? Like, I have to take a week off work to do my ac-


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[Assistant] No, but not just that, your wrist hurts like after two seconds of riding.


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[Assistant] Listen, uhm, just to change the subject again, I know that we don't talk about video games on this podcast much, because it leads to uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Depressing chats, but I don't normally play horror games because I don't like them. But I played Resident Evil 7 and it is fucked up. Like really fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's good though. It's well done. If you like that sort of thing, I would play it. It's like 10 hours apparently, and it's like, the story seems cool. I had to read about the story because there's no hope of me ever finishing the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the franchise was dead. They stopped making them. They stopped making them. It died. It was only, it took them 20 years for somebody, an old fan of the genre and the original games to revive it and make it good again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easily ditch, um, Resident Evil or it was heading for the ditch by the sounds of it. Isn't it?


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[Assistant] There was a couple of jumpscares in the hour and a half that I played it.


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[Assistant] But the lead up to them was super well done. Like there was a lot of like tropes and a lot of like sort of things like that I could guess were gonna happen. There's a creepy child in it somewhere. At least there's some imagery. Is there a clown mask? No clown mask, which I was surprised about. So I was streaming this yesterday and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sun was shining in, and I was literally resorting to shit that you resort to when you're like 6 years old and you're scared of something.


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[Assistant] Fingers in front of my eyes, like looking through the crack of my fingers because I was so scared. I had to put music on to like lighten the mood a bit. I had to pause it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my mind, it was much worse than the reality. Cause like when, when stuff finally did happen, it was like, oh, it was like kind of scary, but it was like, oh, you know, it wasn't that bad. I really built it up to be this huge thing that it wasn't.


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[Assistant] 20 times. I literally press alt F4 and I was like, fuck, I can't play this. Like I'm about to have a heart attack.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but uh, but then I came back because I was like, oh fuck, I want to see like, because it's, it's, it's really creepy fucking story. Like it's like.


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[Assistant] It borrows heavily from the first season of True Detective, I found. You remember that? You know, I don't know if you guys watched it.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the first like hour and a half of the game, you're in one of those houses and it's dark and there's nobody there, but there's people there and like, cause you can hear them every once in a while and shit, but you're, you're sort of like thumbing around with a flashlight trying to find out what's going on and shit and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lead up to shit happening is like so fucking creepy and stuff and like eventually you go down into the cellar and it's like a fucking torture dungeon and there's like all this shit and it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play it, man. I think you'd like it, Lewis. Like, for a single-player experience. I'll pick it up. Yeah, this weekend. Blast through it in like 10 hours and see what you think. But it's fucking good, man. It's like really, like somehow, even though I was super scared, I was like, I wanted to play it more, but I just, I can't. I'm too much of a pussy. Like, I can't play it.


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[Assistant] Oh fuck me. So another thing that apparently is like a big thing that you can do with Resident Evil 7 is you can play it in VR.


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[Assistant] Fuck that. Like, there's no fucking way I would be doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I startle really fucking easily too. Like if I'm outside walking and uh, and a horn honks, that'll startle me. I'll be like uuuh. So like fucking jump scares, I'm hopeless. Like literally I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that's the case, just go fucking skydiving. Like, uh, don't watch some weird fucking debasing horror movie. Like, you know, it's awful. Like even in the game, like the shit that like you fight this. Well, I don't want to spoil it in case you guys play it, but like it's fucking gruesome and like some really gory shit happens. And it's like, Jesus Christ.