[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like did you have, did you guys ever have, like did you know what precious moments were? They were like those little like dolls with the eyes and they'd be like with their little sister with a teddy bear and stuff. It was. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's only a few things you can collect. It's either spoons, shot glasses, magnets, it's whatever's in the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You had some cool ass shit, like some cool, like, native, beaded art that was like, woah, this is actually a super- From Sayulita. Yeah, like a super dope piece, and then it would be right next to that, yeah, that like, you got it from Marshall's on the discount rack, and it was like, uhhhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love giraffes, because next thing you know, they're gonna be some giraffes. They're all raft out. You're gonna be raft out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to remember what Tweety Bird's vibe is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you need to, you need to watch some, uh, documentaries on owls and shit because, uh, they, they got some really cool attributes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got it a little twisted because you're, I think you're thinking of like the majestic ones in the mountaintops, but there's bald eagles that kick it in the swamps of Florida that are hella down to earth. They're like just grimy dudes.


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[Assistant] They just eat pythons, there's nothing majestic.


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[Assistant] Okay, but girls don't have periods out of their butthole. Well, it's shaped like a period. Wait, do they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Kyle, you didn't answer my question. Do they have two buttholes? Do they have an egg butthole and a butthole butthole? I don't know how many holes they have. Oh, the egg is coming out of their vagina?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I've never seen that I want to see live? An oriole. Just want to put that out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yes, but these are also all code words for fucking positions for them. This is code. Is that right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rosario Dawson just like, saw my butthole and like, thumb, like, thumbed my taint with a tampon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well then, but, but, but you know when it's not good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this dude who was a senior, when I was a junior, he found out that I had never like read a book for high school, period. And he was like, I don't understand, I just don't do it. And he like wrote a paper, he wrote a paper about how someone like me can like survive. And I remember reading it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know I am for sure. There's for sure, cause reading is not, uhm, it does not come easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would just, I would, I would get the, I would watch the movie of the book every time. I remember I doing like, uh, I did a report on like William Wallace and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't go out, we're making a living, we're professionals, but I would say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, the 10,000 hours is watching TV and movies and recognizing patterns there and kind of like downloading. And you guys know, like in the room I'll be like, okay, so in this movie, they did a thing where the reveal was this, we could make that Blake, but then change it from that to being this and it has a whole new whatever. You know? Right. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we talking ice or ghost pimples?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's pissed, he's pissed at you now. I don't know if you guys can see this, but uh, I'm rocking a very specific shirt right now. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why I fuck with you, man. He wears his emotions with his lighting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to do that and have the executive be like, can you actually just put those back on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a whole flashlight thing though. Get the fuck out of my office. It's Goosebumps. It's R.L. Stine. It's gotta be spooky. This is a business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a, I did a, I did a punch up rewrite roundtable on it and it was about like some doll, like the, he's like a puppet and he like gets loose and like controls a bunch of other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what you're about to say. You're so stoked on this, Kyle. I'm so glad the light's around. God's like, people need to see this. This dude wears his emotions on the lights, the lights come on, he gets all sorts of stoked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys have the bookmobile? Remember when like shit got real crazy in the 90s and the bookmobile became a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could like, it would come to your school, you would ask for a book and then they would like bring it to you in the bookmobile the next week?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I just remember getting a ton of Calvin and Hobbes. Period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bill Watterson is a G because he has the rights to Calvin and Hobbes locked the fuck down and like, nobody can do anything with it even if he dies tomorrow, he owns it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't want it. It is what it is. It's just, it's just that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what you tow it in. You tow it with the bookmobile. Adam was the bookmobile in college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes in and robs the convenience store and then takes her hostage in her BMW and it's like he's having the shittiest day, you don't really know, but it unfolds as they're on the run and like the police are following them, it gets bigger, Anthony Kiedis flee and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They start chasing in a giant like fucking bigfoot truck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My number one John Lithgow movie for sure is Cliffhanger. He's in that? Yea, he's the bad guy. That movie's off. Terz, I love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did, did Lithgow enter, like, did you guys interact backstage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he was, he was all eyebrows in that when he would just look at Harry and be like, you're family now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During those montages, or those saxophone during Lethal Weapon, definitely not slow, definitely not boring, you're definitely in it.


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[Assistant] Can we say that? Can we all agree right now?


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[Assistant] It's better than Ezra, better than Harry and the Hendersons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got dope, you got don't speak? Yea, just to fill it out, get dope sound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not the same time, that's not the same era. Yeah it is. No it's not. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta fart again, you guys wanna hear it? Those bands are like 10 years apart. No they're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From when, from when, uh, no doubt popped off, and from when, uh, whatever the fuck that other band popped off, that's ten years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blink-182's first like album everyone heard is what year though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I have those guys in separate eras because they're also from separate, like, whatever we call those genres. Like, no doubt it's definitely alternative rock and then those dudes were like that next emo era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't do it. I won't go there. I think that like Sublime and No Doubt and the other bands from SoCal at that time, they had, it was a different era. Oh, Sublime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are a thousand days apart. Do you know how much the world can change in just a moment?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. With Sean Baker. Yeah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can lead it off, but by the way, Blake, yes, we all know that it's like a good thing to have, but then like in practice, like when I was doing the Shonda show,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, showing you how to fuck. Right? Right. She's like, okay, so, and like, not even in a way, cause you're wearing, like, your, your, your, uhm, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Director can't, and you can't ta- talk to the actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you have to go through the coordinator, which I get is good, because like, you know, if, if, like who, uh, dude, I mean on the fucking Chris Rock movie I did, like, where you have, uh, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and like, I said, okay, that's fine. Uhm, but I can imagine, like, people being put in compromised submissions, er, situations, and you're like, I wish I had a coordinator here. But it makes things very, like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you do things like this, you feel like you've made a pact with the other actor, like, okay, we're actually gonna fuck. Uh, no, you, you feel like you're- Pizza, pizza, pizza. Obviously, Joe. You feel like you're, um, you're like, okay, let's just figure this out, like we wanna make sure- Yeah, what are you comfortable with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever the fuck those websites are. Yeaah, pitch perfect one. Google John Lithgow top 5 movies. Alright guys, and that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The smell of my, uh, of a person's like inner ear hole. And then there's also like a hundred thousand other weirdos out there that are like, yeah, I also, and if you have a, if your video, you just video every day of you like going up and asking to sniff people's ear holes and you videotape it and put it online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, get your booth. I wanna smell it. Can I say that my, that one thing that I hate that I keep that in the podcast world is very, uh, prevalent is when people say, uh, uh, got some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have to. Yeah, there's a weird murder mystery on our, on our.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People say I'm younger, I'm younger, I'm younger. That way, I'm actually, I actually just turned 37, but I'm telling people 47, that way people are like, damn, he looks really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually am like kind of excited for like 10 years from now, if there are sitcoms in 10 years from now, to like go and do, do like a classic sitcom, uh, where I just basically do an impression of my dad. Yes. Where I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, you know, isn't, and we're old. Let me be the tall Brad Garrett guy. Oh man, you would crush. Yea, you'll be, you'll be the, uh, the next door neighbor best friend, who my wife wants me to be the best friend with, and then Blake is my old school


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Circle back to that. If we did workaholics, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 15 years later, and, uh, it's now a true sitcom, uhm, and we play the same characters. I'd tune in. I'm in. I think it would be great. Have they ever done that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have they ever done that? Hollywood. Big Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I missing? We're not in the same house. They're going back to the same locales. We don't live there no more. Oh, well, I didn't know that. We have different lives. I got a wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a wife, I got two. I got a wife, I got two, well one kid's really cute. Oh, I thought you'd switched. One, I want just a fucking dumb ugly brick of a kid. Do you play that kid too? Like Martin Lawrence style? Yea, we little man my face on dude, one of them is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a different format, Kyle. Keep, if you're gonna direct the pilot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quit actin' like you don't know, dude. We're the only guys each other talks to. We know that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, acting was happening, so it was hard for you, get em. Yeah, but it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, it's like doing stand up, but then the after-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would come out for the house party show that Kyle and I did. I would come out when we needed to redo takes and I'm like, and I would just like scream at the audience like I knew


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so explain, explain to the audience who maybe isn't hip to this Hollywood lingo, Blake, about single cams and multi cams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, okay, you're a big Hollywood director, Kyle. That's right, thank you. Explain what a difference between multi-cam and single-cam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were all stoked for you for that, because it was like, uh, How I Met Your Mother is such a huge show, and then they're gonna make How I Met Your Dad, and we're like, oh, that's gonna go a million seasons, and Ders is gonna be our richest friend. We were hoping you were gonna get kidnapped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it was, it was... I thought you, I thought you were gonna have like a fucking hot air balloon that you take us right on on the weekends and shit.


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[Assistant] I agree. I'm getting, I'm getting a lot more, uh, DMs. More people are sliding into DMs. And from the podcasts that have come out so far,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was her, uh. No, I'm, uh, yeaah. And it might have been her and like ten of her friends. But, uh, she really wanted to see...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My limp dick go from a limp dick to a hard dick. And by the way, no one has ever even seen my dick by 8th grade. Like my dick was just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just me and my own. It was a newcomer. What? She wanted to see this? Newcomer! That's pretty good. Yeah, and then I saw her at like a soccer game or like some football game or some shit and it was so awkward because she like came and sat by me and she's like so and I'm like thinking like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm, I was so glad that she didn't broach the subject. Uh, cause that would have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if we have the most homoerotic, uh, podcast in the top 200 podcasts. I wonder if we are the most homoerotic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're up there. I'd say we're up there. After listening to the Mary Fuck Kill episode where you guys just went in depth on why you'd want to fuck me and Blake. That was part of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a, uh, I got an old photo here that I found recently of uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at those guys. I just dug, dug up this bad boy. I remember they, we were on, we were doing a thing for MySpace TV. If that, if anyone remembers that, which they shouldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, because there's a billion years ago and, but they paid us to do their first ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember hitting up this mar- this margaritaville a handful of times, and that was right when Red Bull Vodkas became a thing, and me and Ders


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was doing a dance move that I still will do when I reach a, uh, peak level, uh, peak level bro down drunk when you're like, you're not trying to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, impress anyone, you're just with your dudes and you're acting straight silly, which is, uh, I do a move where I aggressively stir my drink. Right. Yes, I have seen that a few times. Yeah. That's, that's my go-to dance move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then I go into, then I'm like, I revert to like, I'm a, uh, uh, fourth grader and I'm at my aunt's wedding.


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[Assistant] And, uh, I'm convinced that someone... Did you guys ever do this, or is this just me and my fucking psychotic head? Cybersex people both. I would imagine...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that there's a professional dance scout?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 3, 2, 1, and you shoot, and you miss, but you get the rebound, and they're like, there's still a second left! And then you like put it up, then you miss again, and then there's like, oh, this is the very last second! And then you make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not a true psychopath, and I truly believe in Waterloo, Iowa, there's a professional dance scout who's gonna find me. It's just a fun, imaginary thing that I like to make up that helps me dance harder. Because you think you will be the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just a fun thing I'm doing in my imagination. Much like when I'm practicing shooting hoops, it's a fun thing to imagine that I'm hitting a game winning shot and I'm Michael Jordan and it's, you know, the 1996 finals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there was not one particular move, there was a lot of


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[Assistant] Me too. I'm, I'm glad that, uh, that Blake brought up the, the Emmys dance cause that was one of the weirdest days of my life where like three days


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe a week before they were like, hey, uh, I think someone must have fell out and like they needed to fill a segment. Josh Gad. Josh Gad for sure dropped out. And I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they asked, the Emmys asked me to do like a song and dance number to, uhm, present the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was best, it was Emmy. Musical or comedy? Yeah, it was musical or comedy, exactly. And so I had, I did a huge song and dance number and I had like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so weird, like, cause I watched the show up until they're like, okay, and it's 15 minutes or 10 minutes or whatever until you, and then they took me backstage and like, it's the most Hollywood thing you can do because there's like chorus girls and there's like professional dancers and singers, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That are accompanying me and then it's just like you go on stage and it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spotlight is on you and you look out and there's like every famous person you've ever you could even imagine is just in the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it was, the fucking- Sinbad was there? Sinbad, uh, was right outside going, ah, they lost my ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can imagine this on the internet. Yeah, cause, and then I watched before and it was like nothing was like that. There was not, it's not like a big song and dance Emmys where you're like, yeah, we're used to seeing like it's spectacle. It's like very much down the middle. And then I come out and I'm the song and dance man. Meanwhile, not on a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm up for nothing. It's not like I'm also up for an Emmy, so you would suspect that I'm a reason that I'm there. And then I just did this fuckin' bizarro...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just saying, I wouldn't have been there if I didn't imagine that the Dance Scouts were there at Aunt Cindy's wedding in 1992.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, size. Yeah, size. I like your size. Uh, those are, those are tight. Also, what Donatello had, just a big ass stick, that works, cause you can poke people, you can hit them from far away, bo staff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a war to my weapon. It'll be part of you. We'll allow him to tear your lore apart real quick. And that's fine. What I would do is you would swing. You'd swing at me, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Random weddings. Right. Looking for scouts. Right. And I would slide on my knees right after you swung the bat. I'd stay out of bat reach. Then I'd slide in with my size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And cut at them thighs. Sides to the thighs. Sides to the thighs, babe. Just two on each thigh. Just tic tac!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might want to worry about the dick. No, I'm saying, I'm saying if I know Kyle, and I do, I might, I might hit the tip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might hit the tip, but this guy's a droopy dog. He's got a droopy, sad- It's not necessarily long, it's like a sad sack. It's like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel if we did have a fight to the death, uh, I would get murdered pretty quickly. I think you guys would murder me pretty quickly. It would be so scary. I think, I think Ders and Kyle would, and we, Blake and I would die, uh, fairly quickly. I'm not dying. No, you would die. You might die before me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Have you guys ever gotten in a fight with anything besides fists?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like beer bottle breaking? Yeah, or anything besides like, or like swinging shit? You know, cause I got in a bunch of fights, but it was all like I was a kid, like a true like fourth, fifth, sixth grader. So I never really, and we were just, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this, and we might have told this story on the podcast, I'm not sure. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. I, my aunt a few Thanksgivings ago came up to me and was like, hey, uh, do you know Brian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allegedly, uh, that was his last name. And, uh, I was like, yeah, uh, he was my bully in high school. And she goes, he told me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He works- I work with him. Yeah, and he- you were his bully, and I evidently bullied him, which I thought he was my bully, so we both were just bullying each other. And uh, I know, Anna! I know I've told this story before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, uh, he like, was bullying me and my dad told me that like, I have to hit him first. My mom was like, only hit him if he hits you first. My dad's like, you're much smaller than him. Uh, definitely hit him first. Scare the shit out of him. Like, beat the shit out of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then like a week later I see him, uh, at the top of a staircase and I fucking 300 style kicked him down this staircase and he like dislocated his shoulder. Oh yeaah. How does it feel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I was for sure his bully. In hindsight I realized that, but at the time I was like he was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, no, he was bullying me, Kyle. He was a big kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You remember that movie Fear with Mark Wahlberg where he's just like everybody kind of likes him and he's like the new boyfriend and he's cute and everyone's like yeaah he's a nice guy. I think I do well with like oh no we like him you look at him little cute he's good for you and then I'm a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Key crediting. Money while you sleep. Nah, we've already, we've already moved on. You're off the project. Oh, right, yea, that's right, I didn't even get the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let's make that sit co- remember that was like, uh, that was one of our initial, very first ideas when we were trying to think of, uh, show ideas way, way back in the day where it was like, we were, it was like LA sketch group, and we were a sketch comedy group who the whole show is us trying to put on a show, and then like the, like, you would uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So see some sketches or like half of a sketch, but then mostly it's like what's happening backstage and us changing into costumes and dealing with like getting people into the show and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's, it's not a bad idea. I love meta shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was in like, uh, what is that, like Instant Family? Or he was in that big, uh, uh, uh, he was in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three years. The guy is churning movies out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how Kyle prepares for, for big meetings. He's like, uh, yeah, I know all about the, uh, comics? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, ah, it made, uh, 800 million dollars. And they're like, it sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did he get- I mean, I get that he's like a hunky dude, but he, uh, He always sounds like he's whispering and he's out of breath. His voice is out of control. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I'd like to believe that it's also happening to you guys and you guys just aren't admitting it. Uh, you know, that's for me to know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we want, uh, we want all the gay dudes that are, uh, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a fourth grade boy, or maybe even second grade boy, dancing at my aunt's wedding, imagining that there's a fun dance scout out there, cause I'm just a little boy with a big imagination. And Kyle, I would like to, uh, thank you for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sort of, uh, and sort of, you know, taking, uh, every little kid that's out there with a dream, taking them down a peg or two, because that's important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want to pass? Do you want to pass for now? We'll circle back. Do you want to pass or do you want? No, I'm happy to let you guys know how I'm doing, but I'm not that happy for you to project what you're thinking I am before I have the opportunity to respond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Oh yeaah, pecker. That made my pecker heart. I was thinking about that. My dad definitely is the guy who said bazoombas when we were making Workaholics. He's like, she's got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tit stop. Very good. But I like your wordplay. I thought the tit stop was really great. That's fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I do. I always know if I got a big neck beard, I'm probably pretty overweight, like where I want to go, because I'm masking what's going on underneath the chin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like right now, right now I got this and it's like I just don't want to trim up the neck because I know I'm at my top weight. I understand that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay, okay, okay. I apologize. Okay, but I'm fucking with you. I don't have a memory of Adam's fully erect penis. I was fucking with you. I'll be fully candid right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't, was the last time I think I saw you with a beard or the only time I've seen you with a real beard was when you grew like a summer beard. Do you remember this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but did I shave though? The closest I've ever came to that was like fucking, the closest I ever came to that was like shaving my neck once a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm just letting you know, I can't even imagine putting a razor on your skin like every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and just for continuity, but like, when you're not on set and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems like the hardest part is like just like translating what you want people to do and what they need to do. I gotta go up. When I go to Canada I have to quarantine for 14 days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In one room. Is that where you're shooting this bad bitch? No, that's for when I do shadows. We're shooting this in a bubble down in Temecula, which is like 20 people total. And we're getting, we're still, the unions are still saying like you have to get tested like every three days. And we're wearing masks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A red flag. That's like a interesting move on a date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very judgmental at the very least, you know what I mean? It's incredibly judgmental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what's up, dawg? Let's go, I love bettin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I thought we were gonna, again, do you know what this is? Like, I thought we were gonna all choose for one, but this is just you saying, I bet you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are the other nominations? I-I- Exactly, this is what I'm talking about. Blake makes these fucking bullshit half-assed bets that are not even thought through, and they're just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if we're gonna do this, I wanna make a choice. I wanna make an informed decision. I just don't wanna bet your opinion. He can queue it up. He's got Apple Music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants to, but there's other horses in the race. I want to know what else is there. I might, I might be fucking like, you know, I might change my fucking opinion player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That song also, that song also goes, okay? That goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. She's doing some really good stuff from a business standpoint, re-recording all of her songs to get out of the labels shadow and all that. That's great, but she's not making hits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, she's doing great stuff. I'm still on the Beyonce song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that's my worst fear, but I do think you've hit a very, uh, truthful vein in my body. Wet dogs. Wet dogs is his number one fear. Yeah, I don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't know how to pronounce Bethesda. Bethesda. Do you remember when we introduced whatever that game was and I said it's like, uh, something like Steve Spielberg and Albert Hitchcock? Yes. I have that on video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll post that video when this drops. I meant to do it. That was my whole, like, that was my whole M.O. was to, to fuck him up, but like, you know. You were like, Albert Hitchcock and you just slammed them. Steve King. Steve King and Albert Hitchcock. We covered Bastille as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Circles is close to Beyonce for me. For you. For me right now. I'm not sure what my- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we get another track? We can. I'll put a hundred on the line once I know what the fuck my choice is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the point, yeah, Kyle, the point is, he's- This is gonna evolve into what who wins, because we're all gonna have difference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Adam, stop. I'm getting chugged. Stop. It's her and her brother, right? Her brother makes all of her beats and I think they were like homeschooled. Yes. The future. They're like the future. It's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's just say daddy ordered, daddy ordered two for the pod. Alright, motherfuckin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's cool. It's cool y'all. I was doing a callback player. It's just a call. That was a comedic callback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, don't fuckin' backhand some shit, just come at me, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A comedic callback. Comedic callback. You know, we talked about it on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Sure. Isn't that Frank Ocean's album, one of his albums? I like that album. Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While he's asking the tech questions, I am gonna go ahead and admit that I haven't heard the Dua Lipa song and I know nothing about this artist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, who was, what's her name? Was her name, is it Kesha? Was it Kesha?


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[Assistant] It goes. It goes. I'm gonna come up with a new word right now. But I don't think that that song go- Okay, what do you got, Anders? It bangs? It does it all. No, no, no, no. Go, Anders. That Kesha song?


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[Assistant] That shit is fine dining. I don't think that that's, I have heard that song before and that's what tells me it's not gonna win cause I, it took me two times to remember that I've heard it. Song is not that great. Okay.


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[Assistant] I don't think I'm taking this bet, Blake, only because, I mean, it's fine. I think it gets the party started. She might wanna do a leap off a bridge after she loses. What's her story? Win me over with her story, Blake. What's her story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Grammys don't take that in. I don't, I- Yeah, it is. They always cast off screen. They give awards off screen. It's a- Oh, they do. Oh, that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so to push this along, I'm definitely fucking gonna say that I'll take your hundred dollar bet against Dua Lipa. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I'm not sure exactly who's gonna win. My choices are... You don't have to know. The Beyonce song, 10 seconds, I was like, uh huh. I don't know, cause I actually like that song Circles. I actually like Circles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, JP Sachs was fine dining, that's for real. That was fine dining.


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh, this dude's coming at me with some hoggle. That shit's a slurpee, better than frozen pizza. Cause frozen pizza's not good unless it's hot. That shit's a slurpee. Oh wait a second!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] League of Extraordinary Assholes is kinda tight. The Guaran Teenagers? Would you take out? I said League of Extraordinary Assholes is very good. Is that for me? Yeah, that's for you. Hey guys, join up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel bad that Adam can't come in on the bet with you. Cause I feel like I could be like, you know what, Adam, go ahead, throw a hundred bucks with Blake and I'll put $200 down and say that that shit is gonna fucking not win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to bring you in. I feel like we're a squad, and Blake's saying that I'm in the bet, yours is in the bet, Blake's in the bet, but Adam got to sit it out. And I'm like, wait, but- I don't want to sit it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I'm trying to- I got your back homeboy. Okay, Adam- Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, so the stakes were just raised for me and Anders, for all of you keeping track on this bet deal points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two hundred. We have the chance. It's now become a two hundred dollar bet for me and you. What about Adam? Where's Adam at? No, cause you're paying out to- you're getting a hundred from-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno. How is this gonna fucking work? Wait, how is this- Okay, hang on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm down for whatever, whatever man. My wallet's open for you gentlemen anytime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it good? It's take backs and compliments and all that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and here's what, here's what it is. I had something that was, I'll take back something from the last episode. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the last episode that we recorded because you were like giving a compliment to the arugaloids for standing by me and I kind of took that as like, hey, this motherfucker stepping in and taking like my arugaloids from me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get a fuck another hobby. Dude, let it go bro, you gotta let it go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I take it back and I also apologize and I'm gonna compliment you for making my fans our fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's when the night is night for too long, we go at each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but the best part was he was puking and I was like, you're pissing too close to where my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go. Yeah, if you're, if you're like, hey guys, let's go. We're ready to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You cannot watch a porno now without, like, without wanting to fuck your mother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buckle up. Can I say that, uh, Ders, you look really good with that new light.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fact is, is Ben was your brother's, younger brother's friend, and how much younger is Adam? What, three years younger than us? Two years. Two years. Two years younger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A younger Jen. We're over here with our old ass slangs. Oh hell yea we are. Cowabunga! You know, and he came with that, yea we're over here saying cowabunga dude. Can you dig it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so delicious over ice. Leaning into those product placements. Thank you, Blakey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you get Ashlyn? Was Ashlyn on the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you're not. We gotta give you some, we gotta hook you up with some Ashland. We'll talk to our guy and get you some Ashland. That'd be great. It is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I did that too when we got, when uh, when we invested into Ashlyn, I did the same thing and I went and got all of them and I wanna say, I just wanted to say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to come too out of pocket if Ashlyn was like the eighth best and I'm going- Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's number one. And, uh, it, it, for me, for my money, it is the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm surprised none of us, uh, none of us went bald. That's kind of a surprising thing for a group of guys. Kyle's on his way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that'd be a good look. That's cool. And that's, that's when you gotta start directing those, those porno movies. Cause you'd have the, you'd have the hair to go with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't want, uh, I would like to do all the like, right before he pulls his dick out, and then a very funny stunt dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna be- I'm doing all the acting, and then, and then when it comes to the fucking, uh, Dyrs can use his or somebody else. That's where we'll put in my buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so crazy that like, you cannot watch a porno now without like, without wanting to fuck your mother. Without like, okay? Without being told. Told that that's what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then now it's like, uhm, 25 of your, uh, sisters. All yours, all your sisters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I ever, did I tell you guys the story of when my mom caught me watching porno? Uh, when I was in high school. And stop me if I told this on the pod before because, you know, we've done how many of these now? Seven? I'm losing track. We're starting to double up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you know what we should do is we should get my mom on the phone, uh, and ask her if she remembers this story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've gotten some people that are saying that I'm out of pocket and that I'm, I made that story up, but my mom for sure, I don't know if she knows that there was jizz in the bath water, but she for sure remembers my toe falling off. So we got, we got to get her on record.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seaman? Seaman? Is it like, or like, uh, is- She might say, she's Watch Work All, she's a big fan, she probably says, E Jack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I was, it was the, it was on my computer, but it was like the, my parents had the shittiest computer. We were late to the game. We bought like a used computer. So at that time it was just like, it literally like shook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it was, it was, it was, uh, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sublime directory is, I can't even believe I, I pulled that from the deep wrinkly parts of the back brain, because that was like the first porno website that I can remember that had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just links and links and links and links of different stuff. And they broke it down into categories, much like they do now with amateur, big boobs, interracial, whatever. And, uh, so that I was, I was cruise, I was riding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then just like, it, it like had a little description, so you had to read and go, okay, I might be into that. And so anyways, I was, it was one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry. I just am going down the hole too. There were so many pop-ups. You remember how there used to be pop-ups all the time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You click on a link and you think like, okay, this is, this is what's going to pop up and then five other pop ups will pop up and you'd have to click out of those to see what you actually want to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, I hear the garage coming up and I just clicked on something and all these pop ups and I'm trying to click out of it. I'm trying to click out of it and my pants are down around my ankles. And so I'm like hopping through the basement and I pull up my pants, but I don't get them buckled and I dive on the couch and I cover my crotch with a big pillow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And meanwhile, the computer is still up, but it's in the corner. And meanwhile, it's just shaking. It's just like rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, it was, it was fine, get out of here, you know, I don't want to talk to you. And, uh, and she's like, oh, this computer's making so much noise. And I'm like, don't worry about it, I'll take care of the computer. Meanwhile, she asked me what I'm doing. I'm like, I'm just watching TV. The TV's not on, you know, and I'm just sitting down there and she's like, something's up. She goes over to the computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my mom's a very open-minded woman and she looks at the, I figured like if she saw the porn, I'm a senior in high school. I'm at 17. So it's not that big of a deal. And she turns and looks at me and goes, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, uh, yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see that. And she goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if Brittany saw this? Brittany's my little sister. Who's three years younger than me. She's also in high school. She's a freshman in high school. She probably also looks at porno. And I go, I don't, I don't know. She probably looks at that kind of stuff too. And then she goes, and then she goes, you disgust me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And marches upstairs and I'm like, that is pretty aggressive. Penny doesn't usually come at me that hard. She's usually pretty open-minded about these kinds of things. And so I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I had to go upstairs and explain to my mom that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the island of Dr. Moreau. So give some backstory on this dude. So he created the antivirus, McAfee antivirus, and then what? He just like spun out of control and became a fucking lunatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got the usher muscles. Ooh, the cum gutters. He's 75 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's 75 years old and he's doing okay for 75. There we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean he looks like he's not fully falling apart. I feel when I'm 75 I'm gonna be a dump truck of a man, a walking garbage can. I'm not gonna... Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super saggy. I won't have usher muscles. My skin is gonna be just mad droopy. Falling off the bone. Like a Tony Roma rib.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always say I'm gonna be, I'm gonna look like a human Saint Bernard. It's like, my skin, my skin is, my face especially is so gummy that I feel, I know for a fact that when it gets old, this, all this like, that bublicious, all this human Play-Doh face is just gonna be like melted candle wax. Yeah, it's droopy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of chips. Yeah, you're eating too many chips. I think that's your, your issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The longest. Cause he drinks the least amount. He never smoked. He doesn't really smoke weed that often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is just, this is just mine, this is just my, my idea. Go for it. Okay. So I believe Dyrs is gonna last the longest, then Blake, Blake runs every day, he's a physical specimen, uh, then Kyle, and then I'm gonna die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in a helicopter crash, uh, in the next 15 years, once I learn how to drive a helicopter. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's my, that's what I think. And maybe my heart will go, maybe, because I do chug Zequil every night, and I do drink, uh, a carafe of coffee every morning, so. And well into the afternoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bounce back for Gucci Man was, that's the best come up, uh, of all. Cause he was a real, just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if Kyle grew up, if he didn't grow up in the Bay Area and he grew up in outside of Detroit, there's a 100% chance that Kyle would have had the Hatchetman tattoo somewhere on his body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if, if, for the listeners, if you don't know ICP, go down a rabbit hole, look at the, uh, Dark Carnival of the Souls, which is a huge carnival that they have once a year. I'm, I'm pretty sure they still do it. When we first started writing Workaholic Season 1,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No spoilers. And that's when the, the, the world met Rebel Wilson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think so. I think she had already shot Bridesmaids, but it wasn't out yet, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's my ideal body type is a female, not a female, uh, bodybuilder, but a female crossfitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like to get that, that lean female crossfit bod. Cause they're, they're jacked. Don't get it twisted. They're ripped. They're ripped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to get that, uh, that straight out of Sweden. That blonde chick, that's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry guys, I'm looking at photos of, uh, CrossFit women. But, uh, what movie are we talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right around the time that I zoned out and got deep into CrossFit women. Okay, turn the Google search off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anime bank. There's too many cooks in the kitchen, man. They, they need to let the auteur, auteur. Just let them auteur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're all kind of famous. Like this- I took that lean ass, uh, Danielle Seydel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I could, see, I see, no matter what I do, and I work out really hard, and no matter what I do, I still have a little belly fat, I work out every day, and I can't, I can't have the body of a Sarah Sigmund's daughter, daughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it, uh, part of the litty committee? Litty! The litty committee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or some hot nature dudes. Did you crash, Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. She had a big heart. We should get like a, uh, what do they call it when you are trying to get money for a project?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] GoFundMe? Yeah, we should get a Kickstarter. We should get a Kickstarter or GoFundMe for, to free Carl and just see how much like money, like dumb money we can get and then throw a, uh, a Kyle release, or a Carl release party, uh, and have a fucking carnival or something. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then drink the money away. Yeah, well, well, we'll obviously be an open bar, but then we'll have like a dope party for Carl to come out of prison. Prison. And we'll get like a, we'll get a blow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, I know Jeffrey Ross did a stand-up special at a prison a few years ago where he, it was like a roast, he did like a roast battle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at prison, and he would like roast the, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I'm like, people that are so angry about people in prison and think like, oh no, like they shouldn't have like a TV in the commons room or they shouldn't have like the small bit of entertainment that they have. It's like, who gives a fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These people are in, they're in cages. They're in cages. It's bad. For like 23 hours a day. It sucks. And it's like to have a little silver lining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you were in prison, where do you think you would work? Cause don't you, you all, everybody has to have like a little job, like you're in the laundry, you like sew buttons onto pants, you make license plates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Yep. Yeah, Showtime. Ben Stiller directed it. Benicio del Toro and Paul Dano and it's fucking awesome. It's such...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. It was one of the best shows that I've seen. I watched it back. I watched it twice. It was fucking incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, it's all about, it's all set in this prison, Danimora and, uh, Benicio and Paul Dano's characters, uh, escape, spoiler, uh, it's the title of the show and, uh, it's just so well done, it's so well told, Ben Stiller did a fucking awesome job, uh, with it. The performances.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, that's a lot of work. You gotta stay up every night. You're getting no sleep. You gotta stay up every night to be digging the tunnel. When you could just like, uh, you know, sell your asshole and then get all the cigarettes and you get little candy, like they'll give you tic tacs. You get, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I would end up getting so many


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be bad. I think- I think we're past our going to prison days. I feel- I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drunk drove somewhere and fucking crashed, crashed into somebody. The roaring twenties?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say if I go to prison, and I come out of prison, will you guys be there waiting for me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, to take me immediately to the hospital. With an Omaha steak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because my asshole's uh, concaved. Absolutely. Where's the prison? Let's just say it's uh, Oregon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautiful, beautiful country out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why not? Why not? Would you guys? Well, what time of year is it? It's, you know, it's, uh, this time it's October. It's getting cold. It's getting cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what? At this time, we, we probably have one of the biggest podcasts in the world. And you guys bring, you guys bring a whole audio setup to start the podcast back up again. As soon as I get out of prison, I get out of prison, I go into the van, we fire up the next pod. Oh, how about this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anna just said Ear Hustle, uh, is recorded in jails, and that sounds...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, hey, so I take it back, I don't have to sell my asshole cause I'm gonna have all the cigarette money I can handle. Yeah, I do think there are ways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it has to be... Oh, you gotta rock with the Mack. It has to be Mack-a-fee who's probably a fun guy to fuckin' kick it with. Rippin' in the Terran. Epstein seemed like a fuckin' dweeb. He's a scuzz. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] McAfee seems like, uh, like a wild party boy. Way too tan. You gotta hang out with a guy that's way too tan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, I feel like we all kinda got along this, this app. It seems like there wasn't any truly aggressive slams, so I don't know if anybody has any take backs, apologies, or compliments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think your high booty would do very well in a prison situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would also, I would like to compliment Durz knowing about all the CrossFit women, knowing which ones were famous, knowing that they all have like weird, explain the weird last names where they're all named daughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he pick a VP? I thought he is the VP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, it's some, but there's somebody's name on the ballot, I just don't know who it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I flipped it on its feet. Blake, you can't even hit us with no fucking sound effects about this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, you guys were five miles out, so he was going to hike back five miles again. And he was like, I'm going to go do that by myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allegedly. I just want to say how proud I am of where this podcast is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some, some might say that. That was kind of, I don't know about. I'm proud of my boys. Yeah. Come on, boy. What? I got some Fred Perry in the closet. Oh, Jesus. Haven't worn it for a while. Can't really, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a clothing label. I believe it's a British designer. It's got like a little, uh, what do they call that thing? Like the gold leaf, not gold leaf, but like, uh, the thing Caesar wore around his head. I don't fucking know what it is, but the Proud Boys rocket. Uh, it's their badge. Oh, really? Yeah, it's just like a


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[Assistant] It's a little fashion, uh, fashion backwards, but I understand you're super fashion forward. You might get it. You're just running around in Yeezy flip flops.


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[Assistant] And, uh, sombreros with like fur hanging off of them.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. I mean, well, they did that, that frog. Not that that frog was like the coolest shit, but I know that you were talking about that cartoon. This is just bombed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, fuck, I think we covered this, that they basically do the white power, but it's like the tight butthole sign. Now I can't do that like I constantly used to. Ugh, whites, they did it again.


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[Assistant] Like running shoes, do you have hiking boots? Do you have a camel back?


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[Assistant] What's a taser for? If one of your friends turns on you, cause it's like, I'm out of snacks. I'm starving out here.


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[Assistant] Life or death? Yeah, life or death? It's like a...


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[Assistant] But the claws and the teeth are like, those are knives. The claws are no joke. It's, I think it's a toss up.


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[Assistant] If it's, if it gets you on the fucking throat, you're gone. Yeah, hell yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't know if it's a big cat to be honest, to be technical.


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[Assistant] Wait, we were filming workaholics, right? And I got attacked by that malinois, and for people at home who don't know what a malinois is, they're smarter German shepherds, right?


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[Assistant] And he was biting on my arm, but I had like a pad thing under my shirt. And I was like, wow, like if you really grabbed on, that hurts. And the guy goes, oh yeah, he could snap through your arm, like fucking cottage cheese or whatever he uses metaphor. If you shove your fist down a mountain lion's throat.


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[Assistant] Cause what, are you gagging it? So it's like when you barf and your jaw just goes like, it's like unhinged.


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[Assistant] It, it, it does, it can't, it does a, nah.


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[Assistant] Yeah for real. This is making me want to start up a website with just the wrong answers to general questions.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I feel like- And you say, no. Then you know what you do. You do the two in the pink. Is that uh, how's it go?


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[Assistant] Here's the thing about that, if it's a pitbull, it ain't happening, cause their fucking necks are all muscle. And if it's a Chinese Sharpay, the skin is so loose and slippery, you just can't get a handle on it.


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[Assistant] They get it, man. Yeah, hell yeah. They get it. They get it. They're like, ooh, I know what you have for lunch. I want it. Dogs rock.


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[Assistant] And let's not forget, I brought a little tchotchke of a sound machine and I'll happily go back to it. I don't think it really worked that well. But what's happening at Adam's house?


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[Assistant] Are we setting up a bike story? A classic Adam out on the bike getting ripped shit?


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[Assistant] Adam, as somebody who came of age in this milia of, uhm, I guess you would call it bad sports and, uh, the kind of spandex look, it's so nice to hear these words. So I welcome you.


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[Assistant] You gotta start getting, you gotta start shopping at places where they sell pearl azumi and just go crazy on some, some...


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[Assistant] What are you rocking? Let's get specialized to send you some shit. What's your bike?


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[Assistant] Is it a comp? Is it a comp for competition?


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[Assistant] Machetta? DiGiorno? Tombstone? What kind of car?


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[Assistant] About both these guys, did they have the glow? The glow? Oh, Heath, yes. Like when you see somebody famous and like, you don't want to look directly at them, so you're kind of looking around them, but they're glowing.


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[Assistant] I love that dude. The guy, and for reals at home, I don't remember, this is the same man who shut off the power in Die Hard.


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[Assistant] Bentley's come to those who work. He had a nice window.


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[Assistant] Our egotistical bullshit. Egotesticals.


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[Assistant] Do guys fart more than women? Do we know? I'm good.


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[Assistant] Did your parents not fart? Did your mom, did your moms fart? Or your sisters? Yeah, but it was not like, uh, it was never announced. It was always like...


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[Assistant] It was, it was kind of like that happened. I don't think there was acknowledgement.


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[Assistant] But then when you hit, Carl's yunye!


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[Assistant] Oh, he's the worst. And we all know what they smell like too. He's like somebody farted. We're like, we all know your fart. That's not true. That's not true.


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[Assistant] You would like fart and then walk out of the room and we'd be like, this dude just farted and left the room. Why did he leave? That was your move. 100%. You'd be like, I'm going to go get some water.


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[Assistant] Just leaving his bombs behind, letting us stew in it. Jesus.


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[Assistant] Hey lemme, I wanna circle this, I wanna circle back to the first celebrity sighting because I think mine, and I like mine still. Mine was Jason Schwartzman. Really? At the Lacoste store.


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[Assistant] It was right after, I mean, just a few years after Rushmore, uh, and as he was getting into other things and I was like, holy shit, he's five, I don't know, five, five, six or something like that. And he was looking at the watches in the cost. And I just went and stood next to him pretending like I was looking at watches.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was, I went to go check it out on Rodeo Drive, uh, and then I worked there later and it was fucking sick.


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[Assistant] I'm having, uh, fun, is that allowed? Or do we need to bring out the spectrum?


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[Assistant] I bought, there was like, uhm, there was a grey and then like this kind of like,


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[Assistant] Pinkish, like a, uh, like a fuckin' dull magenta, and I'd wear that under the grey and it would look fuckin' good. I'm not mad at a pop color still, uh, and I remember-


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[Assistant] No, no, no, it was just two lacos polos. I mean, what would be real sick is if you had one that like sewed in two colors. Yeah, that'd be so tight.


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[Assistant] Like, did you, did you? I didn't. No, I'm sure somebody pulled the sleeves through. I just liked having like a little uh, color pop around my neck. Yeah, no, that's dope.


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[Assistant] No, but like, in a weird way, I love the like, pageantry of prep style. I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm a person who wears two collars. I'm a person who has like, their shirt over their shoulders and tied. Who does that anymore or ever did it?


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[Assistant] On the back of the collar, there'd be stuff, so when you pop it, there's something there. Yeah, I don't know if I ever had anything like that. What? Yeah, yes. What? Oh.


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[Assistant] And I held on to, cause I didn't like them. So then I held on, I couldn't find regular shorts, like short shorts that I like for the longest time. And then I was like, alright, I guess I gotta fucking find some cargo shorts. And I bought the worst pair of cargo shorts. Super duper long. Fucking insane.


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[Assistant] I don't mind it, like unless you had like white dude dreadlocks to accompany that shit, I don't think you crossed any lines. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] It was a swing. It was a swing. It was a ground double at least.


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[Assistant] Did you ever, hey, did you ever leave the house wearing something and switch it up at school, you wild boy?


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[Assistant] Gym class, because the shorts for the uniform are so short, you would just buy the biggest shirt and then tuck it in and it would just be like, your entire booty is out.


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[Assistant] Like everybody, and like the shirt was tucked in so they couldn't say anything. My shirt's tucked in. I can see your butt cheeks. My shirt's tucked in. Full booty.


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[Assistant] Snoop, you had like Gwen Stefani, you had like all those bands coming out of Orange County and shit, like Southern California had it on lockdown.


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[Assistant] Coppin' Fitz? Were you Coppin' Fitz? I was Cop.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you guys used to go on runs to the salve for costumes when we were doing internet sketches. Remember that big, the woven puffy jacket? What was that one? It was like, oh, you got that. It was like knit woven and then like brown fleece on the top.


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[Assistant] That's right. Send the emails. We'll, we'll decide if you got a nice button out, a jacket, nothing too flagrant, come on, nothing, no like leather. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Hopefully it's back to back, right there. You guys know fair is fair. Fair is fair.


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[Assistant] Sapir. Don't hit me with any sapir.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it's kinda cool. I like that rule. I don't, you know what's funny is, it's not funny, I'm just gonna talk. Uh, but like, I remember moving to LA, and I didn't wear jeans for like the first, cause I never wore jeans growing up, I just didn't. And then like after three years living in LA, it was like, in the blue jean fucking height of,


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[Assistant] You're rough with things guys at home. I don't know if you know this, but Kyle, if you bought like a hat or a shirt on the exact same day as Kyle,


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[Assistant] It's instantly filthy for him and then you, yours looks brand new still for like a month. Do you remember that? You would have like, where he touches his hat on the brim.


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[Assistant] I mean, it was like- Oh yea, that's gotta be what it is.


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[Assistant] I was just gonna say, I bet you thought I would, but it was like, it was like fucking stinky.


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[Assistant] I wish. Straight out of college maybe, but then the titties just...


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[Assistant] That was perfect in, uh, was it neighbors when, uh, homeboy at the end was just like, I got a job outside of Abercrombie, my way. That was great. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] I bet internationally Ed Hardy's still doing fine somewhere, but in America they're eating shit and so is true religion. But like, the preppy shit is dead.


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[Assistant] What's up with that dude? That's like the people- Like Poland was just-


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[Assistant] If I ran into Kyle and you were just rocking spurs, I'd be like...


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[Assistant] It's so not natural to ride another animal. Have you ever ridden a horse? Yes, of course.


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't like it. It just, uh, it doesn't feel right. I don't think I should be up there. I know the horse doesn't like it. But are you an animal person? You don't have animals, right? No, my wife's super fucking allergic or else I'd have. Yeah. See, I have so many thousands. I'd have 101 Dalmatians in my


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[Assistant] Don't you guys think it's cool that Kyle thinks he's catching different rabbits and it's not just the same rabbit coming back? Dude, I'm taking them miles away from my house.


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[Assistant] Hey listeners at home, be sure and tune in next week to find out if Kyle has rabbit-proofed his property.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause like what, you get a pet rabbit? Oh, is it breaking your heart? There's no way. Blake can't handle it.


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[Assistant] But that's just, that's about as natural as riding a horse if you ask me.


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[Assistant] Oh shit. Yeah, break your bone. Yup, right out here. Ride it too hard. I might have to come out there with you with some Pearl Azumi, some Arcterix, a little low Alpine. Let's do it. I'm ready.


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[Assistant] Do we think zoos will be done in our lifetime? Oh, that's a great question.


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[Assistant] I know, but guess what else is educational? Everything else. The fucking internet. They'll be able to do like VR, safaris, like...


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[Assistant] I went to a lion park, uh, outside Vegas a few weeks ago. And it was fucking amazing. You're like up against the chain link fence with all these lions and they're like, you know, stand back at your own risk or it'll like jizz on you or something. I guess it can spray something.


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[Assistant] That sucks. They gotta get em out. The lions, they all start going.


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[Assistant] I mean, look, in theory, it is dope, but like, so's, so's, by the way, if that's dope, if we're gonna keep anything going, we got to get people back in the water at SeaWorld, because that shit was off the chain. That was worth it.


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[Assistant] If people want to get in the water and swim with these animals, I don't give a fuck. Let them get eaten, okay? If we're gonna cage up these, these, these whales, we might as well see people swim on like the nose of them. That's all I'm saying.


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[Assistant] Bernie Lomax must have it on one of his like circa 2004 Sony digital cameras.


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[Assistant] It's gonna be like in, uh, something about Mary, where you're gonna trip over some guy's leg and then the police are gonna come out and all these dudes are gonna be fuckin' puttin' their pants back on, you're gonna get arrested, and you're gonna be like, oh, you were just out there hiking at 5.30 in the morning.


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[Assistant] We're shooting a hardcore gay porno. You should really be hanging your hat on your dick, bro.


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[Assistant] Yeah, way to kick it off with a couple of those. Don't even talk today.


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[Assistant] If you say, if you said rip it up and she said come get me, come get it. She said rip, rip, rip this up. Rip this up.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're too tough. Rip it in the Terran. Oh, rip it in the Terran. Do we have that sound bite?


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[Assistant] What is the ripping in the Terran from? I just like am like drawing a blank.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no. It is- It's old guys talking about ripping and tearing.


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[Assistant] It makes sense. That does, I understand that parallel so well, dude. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well that's like, that's like a party island, you know? It's like people are just out there, they're not taking care of it because you're just getting wasted and fucking, right? I mean, that's all you're doing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I would have gone to hedonism too, right? I would have gone at some point. We all would have gone at some point, right?


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[Assistant] Like mid 20s, I would have saved up and got a fucking ticket and gone to hedonism too, just for fun.


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[Assistant] You end up- That's a really cool flick, where you're just like, like a cool story, everybody's getting recently divorced, friends decide to go to hedonism too.


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[Assistant] It's just dirt. Wait, so you just drank it, you drank the note? I started to drink


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[Assistant] Anders, come on, we do love you, you know, we remember you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like we were watching like True Therapy because he was coming back from like the, like leaving Comedy Central and like doing all that and he, I remember him talking a lot about why he did that and what happened and what the real story was and that was cool. It was, but it wasn't necessarily funny.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, he did, where it was like boycott. He's got that Comedy Central demon. He's boycotting his own show is his angle right now because he didn't get paid for it.


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[Assistant] Did you see what you needed to see? Yeah, yeah, let's get the fuck out of here.


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[Assistant] No, if I, if I do or I don't, I just, I just do it. I just do it. So that, that's why it kind of can come off a little off-putting if you know the person and you're like, what's up, Anders? And it's like, yeah, we did this four days in a row.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's a very weird moment when you have to be like, hey,


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[Assistant] Dude, so true, like even in like studio executives in our business, like I do not remember them at all, but actors and people with personality, it's like hell yeah, what's up? How are you? Or an executive with a personality who you're like, Oh yeah, totally, what's up?


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[Assistant] Oh shit, scarf man. Scarf guy is just as cool as like, the name. Cause you're remembering and now you have like a pet name. So it's like, scarf guy, big scarf.


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[Assistant] Shout out to Rich. Shout out to Rich Pool Guy. Big shout out to Rich.


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[Assistant] And so somebody else had it. Was there another Adam Devine at some point, like a redhead that was, had more IMDB credits than you?


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[Assistant] He no longer- Do we wanna get into that? I mean, I just- it just sprung in my memory. I don't know. You finished your story by IG, but who was that guy?


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[Assistant] No. Oh my god. I thought you, I thought that's what you were always saying, capitalize the V. It was because that was your family name. No, no, no. It was because


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[Assistant] So now are you capitalized or are you back with the lower case?


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[Assistant] Okay. Old Milwaukee N.A. An old Milwaukee what? Non-alcoholic.


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[Assistant] How's it going, dude? How's the December to remember? What's up?


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[Assistant] Guys, I got my, I got my crystal geyser right up here. Uhm, I'm staying dreaded over here.


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[Assistant] Getting crazy over here, you know it. Thatta boy, thatta boy. Staying hydrated, gotta drink the water. That's how it goes down.


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[Assistant] You know about- wait, you said you don't know about us? Yea, you've seen our asses. Like we haven't talked about-


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[Assistant] You got one. The best one of our group is Blake for sure.


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[Assistant] The second closest? I don't mean to get aggressive about this, but like, that's bullshit. The second closest?


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[Assistant] Honestly, second choice. Second choice. Blake's not available. He's already got a gig showing his ass in the moonlight somewhere.


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[Assistant] I'm going straight to Ders, and Ders isn't really reading either. I'm going right to his people and offering him the part. Thank you. Now, Ders is not available.


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[Assistant] Uh, an art perspective. Not from anything really sexual.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I know it's still, I know your cheeks are still longer than Blake's. Blake's is taut, dude. There's no way your cheeks shrunk.


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[Assistant] You know what I'm talking about? They look like they're like hams. They look like hams. They're not like- Yeah, two delicious hams. Two delicious- Mm-mm. Long hams. They look like two long hams. Hams that have been like left out in the sun.


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[Assistant] Hawk, hawk? Bro, you realize that you're the only one defending your own ass here, dude. Like, everybody's in agreement. You have a formidable hiney. No one's saying it's not formidable. Not afraid. Your hiney is not the star. Okay?


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[Assistant] Oh, okay. Well, if we're just going butt to butt comparison. That's all I'm doing. Just butt to butt. That's all I'm doing. I'm not talking about how you act in a gay porno. Hey, guess what?


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[Assistant] They started in OnlyFans. I think Ders is actually going to be the sleeper winner if we did that. I really think that-


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[Assistant] You shoot it from, from the left. I'm talking nude butt. Like profile? I'm talking a nude butt.


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[Assistant] Contemplating suicide, like he's popper. Uh, yeaah, we know it. He's popping roach in it, you know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Well, that's really what I'm talking about here because that's where they did it perfectly. It's like the perfect ass for Emilio Estevez.


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[Assistant] Ders is gonna be the sli- Ders is right up there. You, uhm, not- Hey, what are we doing?


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[Assistant] I can tell you. It's at the bottom of your ass, dude. It's your crevasse. It's the spot where your cheek meets your thigh. It's not defined. Like, Blake's is defined, so I know where the butt starts from the bottom up.


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[Assistant] I think you're going to cast somebody and then fire them when it comes down to shooting. Cause you're going to want it so bad.


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[Assistant] I think Blake's right, you might be working it all away, you might be, you might be, it might be falling off, man.


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[Assistant] I just saw it. My thighs are fucking awesome, dude. Big thighs. Dude, you have to slim them down if your ass is gonna be that small. If my ass is gonna- Now I have a small ass? Get the fuck outta here, dude. Shut the fuck up!


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[Assistant] All good. Look, these are just...


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[Assistant] These are thoughts. You know what I mean? That's it. Take them or leave them. It's an opinion. That's an opinion. These are my opinion. And I love you. I love you.


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[Assistant] Well here's the thing though. Here's the thing. Adam pulls down his pants and shows us his butt and we're like, okay, Blake got the part, Ders got the part, but hey, pull down your pants and turn around. And you got... the best dick.


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[Assistant] We filmed it, you know what I mean? We filmed it. So like- Yeah, it's the best dick we've filmed. You can't have it all. It's, it's, it's like, you just, uh, You just can't, bro. You can, you can.


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[Assistant] Like, your dick is a part of one of the best scenes we've ever filmed as a crew.


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[Assistant] You see your whole entire dick, you see your balls, you see your grundle, and we shot it all. And you did put it out there, man, and you fucking earned that shit, player. You did.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was not, I was planning on having like a, uh, a prosthetic dick and when we got into pre-production and Adam finally came out and we were about to shoot, I said, Adam, look, I got him building this prosthetic dick. What do you think? And he's like, Kyle, I've made peace with the world. I'm going to show them my dick. And I said, all right.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I, and I took that cue, I took that cue and I shot the shit out of it.


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[Assistant] What, with the butt shot? My butt shot is too-


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're gonna start with the butt shot and we're gonna pretty much just feel it out from there. I'm just lighting one shot.


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[Assistant] It was an honor to watch him up there. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea.


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[Assistant] That's a great ask. Yeah, fantastic ask. Probably a great, probably a great dick. But I guess in terms of other take backs, uh...


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[Assistant] Nice looking asses. See now the perspective is what you should be looking at. Exactly. Cause there's four of us on the call. I'm saying I'm in great, great company here.


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[Assistant] I know this, and I put myself last, I said I'm happy to bring up the rear. Okay? That's funny, that's funny.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


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[Assistant] I lived in California my whole life and I really don't remember the fires when I was growing up.


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[Assistant] What are you talking about? Oh yeah. Maybe we need to jump into it. Well, I mean the electrical lines, the electrical lines and how they can pop the houses. Yeah, baby. What are you talking about? Conspiracy? Yes, they can.


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[Assistant] Hey now. Hey now. What do you mean like an older person? No.


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[Assistant] I was saying, everyone calls it a gender-real party, but you're finding out the sex of the child. Oh. Not the gender. Yeah, okay, I hear you. Because gender is fluid, and so the sex is the biological term, minology.


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[Assistant] It would be cool if it was holographic but still didn't say the words where it's like, where's the craziest place you wrap rubber bands around the tatatas and then snap the bingo bangs with the


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[Assistant] He likes to brush his teeth with poo poo.


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[Assistant] They're mislabeled as gender reveals. They should be sex reveals.


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[Assistant] Sex, sex is your, is your equipment, right? Sex is your equipment, it's what you got. Gender is how you identify as a, you're like, I'm a guy. And it's like, you could have a vagina, but you're like, I'm a guy. Okay. Is there like something, cause this, this baby is still being...


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[Assistant] This, this baby cannot be like, uh, you know what? Sorry. I'm not a pink.


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[Assistant] Girl, I am actually a boy. I want my color to be blue out there. A, the people doing this are fucking, they don't care. Okay? They're baking blue cakes. They don't care.


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[Assistant] That's just what I'm saying. Yeah. But the point is, it's got a dick or a vagina or both, but it's got, that's what the thing is revealing, that it's got that. And then there's a whole nother reveal down the line.


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[Assistant] Right, right. When they're old enough to decide what they actually want to reveal themselves as. This evidently was- Or not even old enough, but when they actually have the- when they- when they figure it out. Nobody cares, by the way. Nobody cares.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's exactly. Time to reveal the sex, everybody. Get nude.


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[Assistant] They have somebody in like a big smock and they just tear it off.


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[Assistant] This did not feel like Netflix. Yeah, Netflix has been a little busy, buddy. They've been busy. They've been working on their streaming. They've been working on advancing the industry. They kind of, yes, forgot about the closet that gave out the DVDs, but now they got people there checking it out and they need, they need Dieter back.


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[Assistant] Yes, it's so expensive. I just canceled it last month because I was getting three DVDs like at a time or whatever. Are you kidding me? I would probably rotate through the three twice a year. So like six DVDs I'm playing like, I think it's like 20 or 30 dollars a month. What? What? It's expensive.


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[Assistant] Have you watched it yet? No! Oh dude, that's gonna be the most expensive movie you've ever watched.


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[Assistant] Out of a crystal chalice. I'm sorry about that, man.


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[Assistant] Adam, it's a monthly subscription.


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[Assistant] Correct, correct. Okay, okay, okay. It's not like Blockbuster.


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[Assistant] No, what are you talking about? It's a monthly subscription, it's up to you to return it or not. I don't even know my password anymore. Well, I'm not gonna say it, but...


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[Assistant] You're going to take down Netflix? This is like an app that charges you and you're just like, what the fuck? I've been paying $60 for this peaceful app for the past three months or whatever. It's like, they just get you. It's through dvd.com, right? Now it's called dvds.com. It's not like


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[Assistant] This is like why all those tech companies are probably like really, really worth a lot of money, because people just don't unsubscribe. It's the same with gym membership. Yes, dude, that's the whole, the whole thing, subscription models. Same with the gym, yea. Have you ever tried to quit 24 hour fitness? It was like a fucking three month process.


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[Assistant] Back in 07 or whatever, I had to go there. They're like, the manager has to be here, he's only here at this time. And it's at like, when you can't. When you're at work.


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[Assistant] For $6, you can play basketball with Justin Timberlake.


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[Assistant] But isn't, isn't it up by uh, by NY? Is it uh, kinda right by? It's near.


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[Assistant] And Kentucky, right? It's just above Kentucky. Creeps over to Ohio.


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[Assistant] I don't know where New Hampshire, New England is a whole mystery to me. New England is not a state.


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[Assistant] Like the fact that New York state is all that and then Manhattan is just that little tail blew my mind the first time I figured it out. I was like.


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[Assistant] Another big poo poo. Okay, we'll do it again. What happened, Adam? What happened? Another


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[Assistant] So it did come from your, it came from your doctor in Omaha. You didn't get tested in California also, right?


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[Assistant] Dude, that's so scary. What? We gotta get to the bottom of this, and I'm glad we're putting it out there on the podcast so that the millions of listeners can get to the bottom of this. Millions? What the fuck? Billions, bitch! Oh, my B. I mean, you're probably not the only person who's been misdiagnosed with HIV. I mean, that's just...


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[Assistant] Definitely not a game to play with. Rocks hurt. It really hurts.


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[Assistant] Allegedly. That's like, uh, you know, my dad had to like, he passed out because he had like a heart thing when he was in Barnes and Noble.


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[Assistant] And my dad was like, what's up? He was like, what the fuck? I'm not good. I just passed out. And they left.


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[Assistant] And, and then like, you know, they did a little bit of research on the googs.


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[Assistant] And they were looking at it and they're like, this, that doctor was wrong, like completely wrong. Like this was, there's, this is horrible. So they go back to the doctor. They sent him home again. They go back again and they're like, oh, you have massive clogs in three of your arteries. You have to have a stint and a fucking, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, whatever the defibrillator thing, put into your body. So that if it happens again, it's so likely that if it happens again, it's gonna go ahead and BOP! Pop you up. Da-goosh.


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[Assistant] I don't know what the- We were wrong, it's stage one.


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[Assistant] I don't know what that is. I'm just, I mean, I'm just kind of speaking to how it's like, what the fuck are they doing? They're treating-


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[Assistant] Are they? Are they, Blake? That's the question. Are they?


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[Assistant] Just, uh, go to the right ones. You gotta suss them out. Find your good doctors. Eh, fair.


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[Assistant] Everyone out there, uh, find your good doctors. I'm gonna do a real quick early apology for yelling right there. It just reminded me of when I was sad because I thought my dad was really hurt. So that was an early, it's an early apology.


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[Assistant] We'll see if that comes to fruition at the end of this, uh, hour.


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[Assistant] We'll see. Okay. Stay tuned. Everybody, uh, listen to the pods. Stay tuned. I'ma dangle, I'ma dangle that one along. There it is. He said that. That was a joke he said.


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[Assistant] What does your, Kyle, what does your hat say? Oh, it's uh, it says bored. Oh yeaah. Now what is bored for the listeners at home?


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[Assistant] Uh, dressing me since, uh, before he had a company. I've been wearing all of his hand-me-downs, all of the stuff that he was going to give to Buffalo Exchange. I got first dibs and now, uh, it has just progressed, uh, to where I get clothes from his company.


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[Assistant] My favorite. Uhm, I remember that. I, I really was like not, I did not want to subscribe to that bullshit and I wanted to wear the shirt. Yes. But I, I couldn't. I like, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was like so strange.


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[Assistant] Well, isn't it something like they see something that actually has traction and then they attach a meaning to it because it already has traction?


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[Assistant] Dude, this is the one that fucking kills me. And now it's like real, and now you're like, well fuck.


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[Assistant] The white power thing where they're basically doing the tight butthole from workaholics sign or like the game where if like you put your, uh, you make a circle with your thumb and pointer finger and you like have it below the belt and if your friend sees it,


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[Assistant] Or they look at it, you get to punch them. If they pop the bubble, they get to punch you. Now, if you're doing that, people are like, this dude is just doing white power. Like I have photos where I'm like, I'm getting somebody to look down here. And now it just looks like I have hella white power photos and this is my cover.


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[Assistant] We have shirts from workaholics with the tie bottle thing on them. That's like just fully emblazed on the front.


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[Assistant] But that's like at a basketball arena, right? So that's in there. You wouldn't walk around doing it anywhere else, right?


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[Assistant] It's just like cultural differences, right? Like, uh, like the fucking, I'm going to talk about my dad again because he made a school in Korea when I was eight years old. Like he had to go over there and travel. He made a school?


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[Assistant] Yeah, he designed it and they built it for a school over there. So we had to go, but in one of his trips he played, he played Got Your Nose with a kid, where you like, you know, pretend to grab the nose and then you hold your thumb out through the...


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[Assistant] Through the, through the thing, you know, and it's like, hey, I got your nose right here and you, you can see it, but in South Korea, what that,


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[Assistant] Symbol, symbolizes is the bird. It's like, like fuck you. It's like fuck you. So the kid ran away crying. Wait, got your nose.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's fuck you. Thumb through the finger is the middle finger in South Korea at that time. I don't know if this is in like 93, maybe it's changed, but that was...


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[Assistant] Mom, he grabbed my nose and then said, fuck you. Fuck you. Yeah, so we just have those differences now that are seated in our country that we don't even know where the fuck all the states are. So it's like, of course there's going to be major differences.


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[Assistant] That's true. You don't know what they're doing in East Dakota or? Nah. Fucking New Hampshire. Lower state New Yorkshire. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Children? Yeah, little kids. Or very drunk.


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[Assistant] What's the one, say, the, what's, tell, explain this meme, the one where the dude's got the fucking draws of the ankles?


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[Assistant] Alright. Wouldn't that just be like the cuck symbol for like, you're like a fu- you're like, look at this fucking bitch. Peas with his fucking pants and his ankles.


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[Assistant] Oh, context is done, right? Context is over?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's hard to track, it's hard to track context down.


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[Assistant] Like when people get in talking about blackface and they're like, well the context, we know the joke, we know that it's bad and that's why we did it on the show and it's like, well you still did it.


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[Assistant] To do the joke, so don't. Like, it doesn't matter about the context, cause the context is deep- the context of the real context is deeper than your context of your show for 20 minutes or whatever.