[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just dirty talk, you're not gonna do it. Yeaah. You did not mind it. I did not mind it. When he did it to you? No, I've listened to those voicemails though, they're kinda hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also just like, they all just seem off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, the guy before that, if I can convince him to have like a three day shadow on his head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's why dating apps aren't really for me. They're not my favorite thing, cause I just, I would never swipe yes on somebody like that, but if they walked up to me in a bar and that was the coolest, funniest person, then I wouldn't be like, eww, girl, I was gonna wait for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and we brought you a blow job, gel blow job pumpkin spice flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you have to figure, what is it gonna be tonight? I did that last night. That's the hardest thing right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'd like you to turn the recorder on when you go into the bathroom and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let me hear you undo your belt, pull your pants down, set the toilet seat down, and sit down and do a good stream of pee in the water, and good shit. And for me, since I can't see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be interested to know what you were showing in the picture since I'm a blind person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it like to be gay and be in a jail?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well first of all, we also need to tell them about this ganky food menu. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What weren't we doing is really the question. We were, I was like drinking wine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, can I tell you first though? Yes. All of her friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep coming up to me and they're like, we just want you to know that that guy that you're with, your boyfriend, he's a piece of shit. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I squeezed it like it was a titty. No, I think you gave it a little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my best friend, she's non-binary. Oh, they're non-binary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna go Cold Plunge following this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, I would not like it if you started asking about my womb. Unless I was pregnant, then I'd be like, yes. Ask me more about my womb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now when we go on dates, we gotta call Christina and Tom and ask, tell them what happened and ask them what they think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, um, yeaah, I guess choke me and then take care of my womb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called the Comedy Dating Show and they've done it at the Comedy Store a few times and they did it at Skankfest and the whole setup is basically like, win a date with Kim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a gay cousin who had AIDS and he would be rolling around in his grave if he knew this is how you're celebrating AIDS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my, this is my daughter Stubbs. She doesn't have an arm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, I want to do something nice for you. Can I buy your bath bombs? I said, sure. I would love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lost $100,000 in crypto and then was getting mad at me


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't take no orders from no woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's honestly my theory as to why you didn't know about it because my girl did the same thing. She said to me once that like, uhm, yeaah, I can't take a shower right now because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you have- have you ever used one? She's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's just the black girl thing, cause y'all didn't need to use that as a kid. That's what I'm saying. Black girls needed to use that their whole fucking life, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm not gonna lie, every shower cap, like, pack that you buy in the store though, you go to CVS, buy a shower cap, there's always a black girl on the fucking cover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Oh, cap report? Is there a cap report? I mean, there's always a cap report. There's so many like, in an era of misinformation and artificial intelligence, we don't know what's real and what's fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's only one news source you can trust and that's the Cap Report. Okay. But, uh, this week, uh, it's none other than dogs. What? Wait, what? Dogs. Dogs? Man's best friend, huh? What other friend do you have that you say that you own as property?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What other, what other friend? You don't say that. You know what you do say that to? Slaves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slaves. Dogs are slaves? Dogs are slaves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dogs are just wolves that we lied to for tens of thousands of years until they were, they thought we were so much their friend that their entire life depends on our happiness with them. We make them do tricks. They want to eat what they want. We say no. Doesn't sound like a friend to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but these- but like, because, but you're also- but these al-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming to you from Austin Tejas, now in 4K. It's your mom's house, Pomcast. I'm Tom Ham Sandwich Cigarra, sitting here with Christine. How you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's totally fine. Uhm, so, okay, we have some dates to, to, to, because we're gonna both be doing shows. Why don't you go ahead and start?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. Uhm, where am I gonna be? I have a couple shows coming up. The, uh, the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm doing some, some shows there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I am also going to do a show at the Fallsview Casino Resort in Niagara Falls. That's in Ontario on the Canadian side. Hell yea, I thought. That's in November. You can get tickets. I don't think there's many left, so if you want to get to that show, you should probably


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautiful, I've been there. I was on a show at Caesars Windsor, it's fucking stunning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I mean, I've been to some cities, and uhm, I'll tell you, Ontario Windsor's at the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Short pump. Short pump, yeah, in Virginia, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's great to be here in the, uh, in the studio in Texas doing the show, uh, not having to, uh, come in six days in a row so that we can do other stuff. It's great to be doing it at this pace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. So this is really interesting. You see then he does the thing where he's like, I like women too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You know what's interesting is like, he's like, can I suck your dick? And the guy's like, no. He's like, I mean, I still like chicks. Yeaah. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a boss like that. I had a boss like that. He wasn't bi, he was openly gay. And he was like, I was very young, I was 21. And he's like, uh, he was like, oh yeaah. I mean he was flamboyantly, you know, like very gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I like, you know, watching football with guys. Cause you know, you watch the game, I'll suck your dick, you drink a beer. It's like, and I was like, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was waiting for me to be like, for real? You know? And I was like, uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it'd be cool if you want to come over and do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. No, it does sound like a cool. Yeah. I was just like, yeah, every part of it sounds cool, except for the fact that you're a guy. That's the only hangup I have here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This wasn't like, oh my god, I'm gonna say something I've never said before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bobby's always like, oh, there's a truck up there. Hold on. Like he has, he has a routine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where he's like, I suck your dick. And then obviously sometimes they're like, yeah. Uh, I think what sucks, no offense. But I mean, you know, Bobby's not the most enticing guy to look at. I mean, I think I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up, Unc? Like, you know what I mean? Like he looks like, he looks like somebody's, I mean he's a grandfather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, because you know why? There's also guys who have said yes to this who are like, the fuck did I do? Because men run with that, that poison inside that makes you do something where you're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other guy did it? Was that guy straight too? Jimmy did it? Yeah. I feel like, oh, okay. That was great. The guy's like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, this is fucking 2.30 in the afternoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, imagine this guy could just, yeah, he really could if he felt like it. Take Bobby by that strand of hair that's flapped over the top and just pull that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, do I go, oh Bobby's out sucking cocks again, look at him. Shameless, you shameless old man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what I would tell Bobby. I would try a different, like, appearance, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you know who, um, who wears, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or excuse me, who, who is also a trucker who might, you never know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I gotta say, I can't help but think that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I didn't have his pep to start the day. Get your feet on the ground. I was always like, leave me the fuck alone. But yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love when he does the good morning from above, cause this is his famous like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Like when he, he gave his acting class, which was unbelievable. I will say I'm digging the pink frames.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope he got his feet on the ground and, and got running. You know, got his day started. It's, uh, something we get. Yeah, you know, it's funny, um, discussing what kind of glasses he's wearing because I, my dad eyes have really settled in. So where I wear glasses kind of all the time now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go outside to get something from the car. I'm talking to Nadav and he's like, he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are those, uh, transition lenses? Cause they start to change tint and I go, yeah, he goes, very cool. Wow. What's wrong with that? And he's like, no, they're just very cool. I go, I know what you're doing. I'm not like some fucking guy who doesn't understand your code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so the same pair of glasses you wear, you can wear them to read and to see, and then they become sunglasses. They tint, right? So I went and I got, I got my prescription. They gave me multiples and they're like, have you had transition glasses? I go, no. They go, you should try them. So I did it with this pair, right? And then he's like, do you know somebody cool?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then today I show up, he's like, oh, there's still a little tint in your hair. Cool. And you know, it's, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it sucks that I feel like we have to get to this point, but I think it's fair to say that Nadav is anti-trans. Like he's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't want it to, uh, to come to this, but you guys know what to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you like transition? And I'm like, and he's like, huh? Is that what you're wearing now? Okay, that's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the frame colors? Frames are red. Okay, so you're pro black, but you're anti-trans. That's what you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, there's a strat, yeaah, yes, yes, I can get you connected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't spell it all out. I would just say Nadava's anti-trans. Let me ask you something else. Before you jump on this, let me ask you something else. Knowing that you are who you are. Let me ask you this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, let's see, maybe he needs to, I don't know, I think you need to issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but do you have any other colored lenses? I mean frames. Frames.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's so happy. He's like, women don't own periods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did enjoy, she's so amped up, and she's like, you know, I start my day at 4.30, I wake up, I do my workout, and then I eat, and then my husband does his workout, and then I make everybody's bed, I make six beds, and that feels great, and then I look at my itinerary,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting the car and you're like, Jesus Christ. And I looked at the comments and all the comments were like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Public service announcement. Attention all my bearded beasts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From stubble to mane, if you didn't already know, Manscaped now sells beard products. You heard that correctly. The leaders in below the waist grooming changed the game with their beard hedger pro kit. And now they're going a step further with their brand new handyman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An electric face shaver for a quick and convenient way to achieve a clean shaven look. Whether you're looking to sharpen up your neckline or give your face that smooth finish, the Handyman has you covered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to manscaped.com and use code MOM for 20% off and free shipping. I mean, look at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a bearded king. This shit isn't easy. I have the manscape to think. My balls...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dick, my butthole, and my face all look the way they do because of MANSCAPE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're like me, you know clean shaving is a hassle. The Handyman is the perfect compact tool I can take with me on the go to achieve that clean shaven look without all the effort. So get 20% off in free shipping with the code mom at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com. Use the code M-O-M. Hit the refresh button with Manscaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's 8.30 and the video's like, ah, we can't do this anymore. Like the algorithm was like, stop, stop, stop, stop, it's too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did one that you showed me of her where she was like, I have our itinerary, like a family that has a printed out itinerary for an outing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think she has a- here's a- a beautiful family. They- she seems-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, she's great. It's just, it is a level of energy where like that works in that household, you know, like the two, in that previous video at five, she's like, he's done with, he's done with his workout at five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like that family is up there. He's up at four. I don't know. Fuckin' yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, like, you know, the thing that I, that I realized is she has, I mean, you guys are editors. There's like 45 edits in those things and, and she's setting up the camera for each shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, you know what, I think it's for her. Like it's part of her joy. Like it's part of her, it's fun for her to make these videos. I think, and probably they get a reaction. I mean, she's going to get a lot more reactions now. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't want to like, you know, shit on her. It's just that that is, yeah, that's exhausting to me. I'm exhausted. It's her energy that's, I'd be like, it reminds me a lot of my older sister.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember when we were a family as kids going on vacations, you know, and especially as we got into like, actually even as we saw as we were adults and we'd like do, you know, joint things like joint trip for a vacation, it would be like, you know, the morning waking up at, I don't know, some beach thing and she'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, so I'm gonna go on this run, and then I'm gonna go get some breakfast, and then I'm gonna play tennis, and then I found out they have a yoga class, and then I'm gonna go, I found out there's a hike, and then there's a swim, and then I'll go get lunch, and I was like, that's like, she's like, what are you gonna do? I was like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I don't have plans. I'm gonna wait till I wake up and see what I feel like doing, which might be like walk over there and lay down. I thought you were on vacation. This is vacation to me. This is fun to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the whole thing is I was like, this is like time to chill. Well for me. That is chilling for me. I am having fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can sit and stare for hours. Look, I like being, I like making fitness, but I just, you know, I don't want it. I don't like having.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the seven activities for the day. I don't like that when I'm traveling on the road and people are like, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 11 things, uh, Milwaukee has to offer. I don't care. I like to find out. Maybe there's one. Maybe you go, oh, that sounds cool. Is it far? I don't want to do it anymore. I want it to be around where I'm staying. I'll do the one thing if I feel like doing that. And then that's it. It's the one thing for the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my friends, I'll tell you later, had a girlfriend and they dated for like close to seven years. And they had...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She had itinerary for everything, even things that were like a year in advance and you could not break from the itinerary. So if she was like, when we go to New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In December, we got on the, on Thursday, we have to have breakfast at this place on 5th Avenue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, we would get to New York on Wednesday night and then Thursday morning. She was like, don't forget where we're going. Like this is in the books. We're going there for breakfast. And then lunch was planned and then the museum was planned and then, and like that was every day. And I was like, how fun was that? He was like, I hated it. How long did you stay with her? He's like seven years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you doing? You making a gist? My dog wouldn't like that. It's trans. Oh, it's anti-trans. That's right. But, yeah, I have to massage. I want to massage testicle and breathe in a smile. Smile. Feel my testicle smile. Sun and light and stars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really. Cause aren't they like sensitive? I mean, I'll go, you know, like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fucking learning. Can I not be a student? I'm trying to learn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't do my parents approach, which was like, I was like, um, so what's like, you know, masturbation? They're like, don't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I remember I asked my dad once, I go, so, uh, I was like learning about, you know, probably like 12 or 13, like, I go, did you ever masturbate? He goes, one time. I was like, one time? He's like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good talk. And uh, I'll just take that with me now that that should not happen or maybe one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, and then I try, I think I told you, right, that I was, I was trying to, I was trying to say it without, I mean, I wasn't comfortable enough to have the conversation. Sure. So I was like, oh, I, uh, I was in the shower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, uh, washing myself and then, you know, I was washing like my groin and then like a bunch of stuff came out. It was like, obviously like introduction to the conversation and he goes, next time don't wash there so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was also like a really cool, like, father explaining how biology works. Don't wash so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, still, you know, a woman in a bathing suit appears on television. She's like, are you watching pornography?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, oh, your main thing about your penis all the time. And I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She definitely has definitely deep, deep shame. I think you'd have to go through so many layers to get to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very Catholic, yeaah. Then we talked to who Aunt Blanca was on the show one time, right? And I still remember being in the back of her car with my cousin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we're trying to do the same thing. It's like, we're just looking for an adult to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And funny thing is, like, that was probably, I don't know, fucking 20 or 30 years after, uh, Charo was in school and all that stuff. And later on, when I was like, asking, like, how did you date people if you're such a fucking nun? She was like, I would pray, take cold shower, like all the things you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're just in it for pleasure, and that's not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it should be procreation with one person who you're committed to for the rest of your life. It shouldn't be just like, oh, I enjoy the way this feels with some random, you know, that means you're just a bad person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it's fruitless, it's like, it's pleasing. It's the fact that you're- It's pleasure. It's pleasure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'd be like, hey, we got a whore that keeps asking questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so you remember that we absolutely like, were just fascinated last week by this-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, this amazing video that I was certain was like, oh this is probably gone, rip this right away. Right. They're like, oh no no no. This lives. This lives on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so blown away that that gets to live there. And this man has his cheeky little smile, uh, on top of his somewhat hairy asshole and his bag that hangs underneath it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch it had 38 million views. I'm sure it's probably 39 or more now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I had the idea, I go, you know, this is pretty interesting to me that this is allowed to be up on YouTube, right? So I asked the boys, could you contact our YouTube rep? We have a YouTube rep that we connect with for, uhm, certain issues. And just out of curiosity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I go, hey, let's find out. So the response from the rep was, uhm, he, he, first of all, the rep didn't know the video. He's like, I don't know what you're talking about, but uh, sounds like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You may be onto something because we suggest, is it because it's educational? And he said we have something called the EDSA exception, which lets content that's either educational, documentary, scientific, or artistic to reign up, even though it may otherwise violate policies. This is why music videos or stand up specials


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say stuff that might otherwise get the video taken down or demonetized, like since their works of art are allowed to remain up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What exactly is EDSA according to YouTube? It's their platform so they get to decide and dictate what that is. Content reviewers assess whether content gets the EDSA exception on a case by case basis. First we check if there's community guidelines violation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a violation review if there's enough context in the content to make an EDSA exception.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The type of context you must include to get an EDSA exception depends on what's in the content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, basic facts about what's happening in the content, identify who's in the content, describe what the content shows, where it takes place, and then, uh, it goes on to just, you know, I don't want to get into every little detail of what it says, but it got us thinking that, you know, I mean, I'm interested in education, I'm interested in learning more, so what I would like to do,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he's not available right now, but the idea that I had was we have a doctor that does a podcast here on our network. The great Dr. Drew Pinsky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was much like this guy showing you how to remove hair from your asshole with Nair. Maybe we could get Dr. Drew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To educate people on some things that they're otherwise uncomfortable with, don't know a lot about. For instance, how to give yourself


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A testicle exam to see. A great idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Testicles have a tumor. That's a serious thing. So maybe we can get Dr. Drew to agree to do things like that. Uhm, maybe some, uhm, like- Breast exam bids for the ladies. For the ladies. Uhm, uh, how to check your prostate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm not asking him to like finger somebody or jack a guy off. I'm asking him to do educational medical things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always spill it out. Um, so anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy by the way, he does a lot of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things that are educational that just live on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you can go ahead and watch, uh, Kevin Leonardo's video about how to finger your asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I, here's what I don't understand about this video though, and about Kayla, Kayla's videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can still like, have fun, and joke around, and be, and fall, you know what I mean? Like, they're not labeling this as, oh no, this is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it is interesting that he's allowed to play like that. That's my point. I'm not saying that I don't want the guy's stuff taken down. I'm just making the point that it seems like he's being educational, but they're allowing it also to be like, jokey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's be clear that the butthole doesn't just belong to the gays. The same way pregnancy and periods doesn't just belong to women. Alright? It's for all of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, you relax over time. So she's like, she's focused doing her things, but then like if you go past a certain point, it becomes almost like you don't go like, oh, it's in there. You get used to it. And then she probably was relaxed and fell asleep. Yeah.


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[Assistant] We need you to focus. Let's see what else we got.


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[Assistant] Sweet ladies you're gonna talk about like that. Speaking of sweet ladies.


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[Assistant] This guy's fantastic. He might be my favorite discovery in the last year.


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[Assistant] He's got the jet black hair. The fucking Steve Harvey's in his mouth.


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[Assistant] This one don't understand a lick of English.


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[Assistant] Those are the best ones. No doubt.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Cause you know that like, what their life is like and everything.


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[Assistant] He used you as an add-on for dates when we were in LA.


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[Assistant] Do you remember this one? Oh yeaah, dude, that was fucking...


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[Assistant] The flight, right. So he's like, I'm going. And he had a serious girlfriend.


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[Assistant] There's a thing there that I didn't, I really didn't understand and I didn't understand how it worked was that we went, we went to meet up with him and his girlfriend at the time. And he's like, I'm going to, you know, like Singapore or something. And we were like, oh, and I'm like, when do you get back?


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[Assistant] Like, you know. Yea, like a normal human, yea. He was like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, who doesn't know when they come back from an international trip? My dad. Yea, I was like, I don't understand that at all. I was like, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was like, why aren't you pressing him on when he comes back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, I don't, I don't know. I'm like, but that's a normal, like how long is your trip?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she was like, you don't want to be there? And we're like, no, nobody knows you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's cool, and I'll tell you what else we got a hold of that I'm so excited about. Which one? Is that the former mayor of New York City


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Attorney for the former president and all around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool fucking guy, Rudy Giuliani. His, uh, he's being sued.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now for Sexual Harassment by Noelle Dumphy, a former staffer at his firm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lawsuit included a wide array of disturbing allegations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, smearing Dunphy and asking the court to strike portions of the lawsuit and sanction her and her lawyer. Dunphy and her lawyer responded on Monday by asking for Julianne and his lawyer to be sanctioned. They included


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Audio transcripts of Giuliani saying exactly the kind of things he denied saying. That's where things really get tricky for people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The transcripts include a host of truly vile, bigoted remarks, as well as some of the creepiest come-ons the mind can imagine. And guess what? We have a copy of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't have the audio though, right? I guess the audio maybe is still like under whatever they call it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we have, uh, portions of the transcript. We're going to read them for you. These are super fun. I don't know. I thought maybe it'd be fun if you play Rudy Giuliani and I will play Miss Dunphy. You got it. So from March 4th, 2019, go ahead. Every place. You were finding a little place in the woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put your name, put your name on. Alright, now we, those are just kind of warmups. Now we move to March 12th, and here's where it gets fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This goes on further. Who were the other Republicans who are celebrities?


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[Assistant] This is April 1st. This is, now you're gonna be, this is Mr. Giuliani, allegedly they have an audio recording of this. This is the transcript. Go ahead.


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[Assistant] No, you can use them all you want. It's not gonna change what your dick does. It's not gonna be like, man, you've been using this a lot. Your dick finally grew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reading of this? The real reading? I'd be awesome. This might be a closed, closed door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your honor? He's going to be like, thank you, and we'll read the next portion. Jews. You're part of the Red Sea, big deal. Get over it. They have small cocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you- once the person does that then they'll be like, and now can you play the audio portion of the recording and then you hear it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, last week, I can't wait, I hope we get audio of this, cause that would be amazing. I would actually, I'll tell you this, I'd be willing to pay for the audio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week, speaking of which, we found...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he put out this video, and then the guys, uhm, found more footage of this kid. Oh, cool.


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[Assistant] Her fits are always fire. Her fits are fire. I need to trim my nails.


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[Assistant] I think I know what's going on. With what he's doing.


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[Assistant] It's that he doesn't, he doesn't know how to approach these beautiful women.


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[Assistant] So, that is a, that term is meant to be, be negative. Correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they're so used to the adoration. This guy, this guy, I would not put him in that lane. I don't think he's going to be like, so Aaron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See that you call yourself a model. Haven't seen one with that kind of, uh, nose before. Anyway, uh, like that's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to, you, what you do is you find out like, oh, uh, uh, you know, Jennifer Lawrence, she likes horses. You got, you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you know what, uhm, I have a, I ride horseback. Correct. Like you talk about the other thing and they're like, oh no shit. So then you're, you're talking about something that's not what they're famous for. For the model, the beautiful girl, you can't just be like, I saw your photo, you're so beautiful. They're like, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what he's doing also, he's doing also is like, he's young. He doesn't know. We've all done, every guy's done like, oh, I'll just say that she's beautiful. And your hope is that she'll be like, you think I'm beautiful? You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Of course, and that's what he, by the way, would be thrilled to be Aaron's...


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[Assistant] Friend. Real bestie. Real bestie, and then, and like, but here's the thing, any of those guys, did you massage their testicles? Never. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody could get to him to be like, you don't have to change who you are. You don't have to change the way you look. But if you, if he just went into this was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These bitches are lucky that I'm even looking at these stuff. One of them is going to be like, who are you?


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[Assistant] I remember, I told him. It was just a moment of like...


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[Assistant] I didn't want to tell my friend, you know, he's like, you have these moments where you're not thinking. And I was like, you know, this girl and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we had gone out and then I, I, you know, I just, I didn't want to, she was too much, right? But then like after her time, I was like, you know, I felt like I fucked that up and I should, I should reach out to her, you know? I just thought, no, he was like, uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, yea, I don't know what to do. And I'm literally like not thinking about who I'm saying that to, you know? It's one of those moments where your mind's just kind of racing and then he's like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was such like, you know what I mean? It was such like, older fucking dork advice. I was like, I forgot that I cannot, I don't want to have these conversations with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the man pursues. That's just how we're biologically set up. But don't let that rob women of the experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. And here's the thing, he's a kid. I don't want to like, I don't, I'm not trying to beat him up or anything. I actually want this to work out for him. Um, but yeah, he needs, he needs a, he needs a dude who's a few years older to be like, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a good update we have here is that our very own anti-trans-nudav


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is officially registered in the New York City Marathon!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is making his gay IG stories documenting his workouts. Um, so what is going on right now in your training for the marathon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. you eat. Yeah. And then that's over.


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[Assistant] He was like, fuck it, I'll do it. Is he doing it with you? Is he going to do it? Right? Remember in the podcast, he was like, I'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I was trying to get clear, you know, we do like so much talking that I'm like, is there, okay.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, I don't think he would, he wouldn't be that. I think he would just be like a companion for you.


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[Assistant] This is not, uh, a cool way to get into it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I don't want to better myself. So...


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[Assistant] Right. If you do finish, it's the sweet sounds of Ireland all over your fucking chest.


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[Assistant] The Flag of Ireland, O'Callaghan in huge Celtic, like, style writing.


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[Assistant] That's fucking badass. First of all, it's bad. Let's not act like it's not badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it says I'm pro-trans, there's a pair of glasses underneath it, and then, uh, whatever the trans flag is underneath that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it can't be just finish it. We gotta have a SOME time restraint, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not sending you to some dipshit fuckin' tattoo artist. I'm gonna send you to like one of the, like, the Illmatic tattoo artists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or we'll probably have, I'm guessing that the Irish, uh, uh, tourism board is going to get wind of this and be like, this is pretty fucking cool. Maybe, maybe we can bring Patty back to Ireland. And I'm willing to guess that your girlfriend will dig a cool trip to see the beautiful landscape of Ireland. Dublin's an amazing city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're probably going on that trip if you don't finish because you're going to have an enormous Irish tattoo on your body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people will probably come around to you being pro trans at that point, and that'll be exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is labeled Jews, Jews. That is a man getting sprayed in the face by a woman's squirt and he's saying juice, juice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But into your dick vein. Cause everyone sees that vein, you're like, oh, I got a big vein there. And this guy was like, oh, I can shoot up right there. What am I, a fucking idiot? Shoot fucking heroin in my dick. Perfect. I wonder if you feel it first too.


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[Assistant] Always fun to come do the Pomcast here. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for watching. Hopefully soon our very own Adab will stop being anti-trans and we will see you. Cut that out. We will see you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey! You just watched an episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not...


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[Assistant] Watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Replace them in like cubes or squares or whatever. Just pick another one. Maybe you'll find one you like. Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that. Don't forget to subscribe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I could get into, I keep trying to get into pot.


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[Assistant] This is on the gram, but on the top, it almost feels like you would want


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[Assistant] Bro, I told you, I kissed my dad's head when I was five years old and he told me that I was gay too.


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[Assistant] That's like periods. If you put a period at the end of your text, like,


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[Assistant] You want that to seem a little. It's aggressive. Or like, sure. Sure. Sure. The THX is. THX.


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[Assistant] That's what it is. If you're enjoying yourself in public, he's like, like fucking shut up. Like what are you doing? You're letting him know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, like, to see the places, yes. To talk to any of these people.


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[Assistant] No. For what? I know. It's misery. What is the- I don't even understand. It's the same fucking rides. What are you getting the thrill from? I don't get it. I agree. And they're childlike rides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? My name is Ricky. My number's hit me up on JP. I got about eight months left. Uhm, I like fast motorcycles. Fat girls with pretty feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, exercise for men, uh, we have a simple way where we say, massage the testicle. Sometimes, you know, you see a children playing with the testicle. So the parent always say, don't do it, dirty, don't touch it. So we do, dirty. But in the Taoist, massage your testicle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because for men, testicle producing, always producing sperm.


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[Assistant] So the Tao said, if you are massage your testicle, or you recall the testicle breathing, you train your mind to inhale, exhale, and once you get it, you laying down, and you put your hand near your sexual organ, and you just do testicle breathing, inhale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you feel your focus smiling into the sexual organs, smiling sunshine, sun, moon and star down to the sexual organs, now you can see that our transformation takes place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello London Jeans! I'm coming to perform at 21 Soho, May 9th in London, England. Tickets at ChristinaPOnline.com. Get em now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Eni's got personality, chutzpah and the right attitude. And sometimes you can get by on that determination.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you gotta do practice, man. I'm talking about practice. Cause I've been watching the show that Dr. Drew is on, Special Forces. Yeah. Kate Gosselin, spoiler alert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids voted off or gets kicked off the show first, and you know why? Why?


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[Assistant] Her fucking attitude is a crybaby pussy attitude. She's like, I'm scared, I've got a negative Nancy. And I'm telling you...


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[Assistant] Like, so much of it is attitude and that's what I'm learning watching Special Forces, is that, you know, 90% of this is your attitude.


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[Assistant] No, she's just braiding her hair for the show, because you're in Special Forces, so you can't have your hair down in your face. I mean, very retarded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So her attitude from like the minute she gets there, and she's very self-aware to her credit. She'll be like, I'm the kind of person where if I don't like something, I just complain out loud. And we're like, oh, we know Kate. We loved you on the show because of that.


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[Assistant] He's a former NBA player. Is that Dwight?


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[Assistant] It's, and so, but here's the deal, which is really interesting about the show, is that sometimes size, your physical,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff doesn't matter. Cause the smallest girl ends up getting, you know what I mean, sometimes will win the thing because of your mindset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all start laughing like I'm R-word. I have to say it.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, so he, they told me that I have to say it before I say the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but I feel like I- Listen, I am stupid on a lot of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so good. Well, there was a clip that we posted on our Instagram of, uh, I was calling Top Dog and you really, Top Dog, you know what you need? Some up dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the point. It's the best. Fourth grade jokes are the best. Can I tell you what I've laughed at like my whole life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a few things. Number one, uhm, the word diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and thank god my dad watched, like we watched really off color stuff growing up like Cheech and Chong and Eddie Murphy all the time in the house. So I grew up on really, I think great comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, who are you talking to? The audience? Look, people listen to this, people listen to your mom's house and don't admit to listening to your mom's house, right? Isn't there a reason? It's kind of like we're a secret society of degenerates. That's why it's so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, my stepdad rest in peace, my Indian stepdad. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, isn't that how in the beginning of our careers, you had to make that choice because of the FCC and people would always tell, especially you and me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't work blue, cause if you work blue, you're never gonna get on television, you're never gonna get the specials, and like, thank god for the internet. Oh my goodness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No fucking way it kept pretending to be normal. No way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A cookie is just a cracker with sugar. Who didn't know? Yeah, uh, it's horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I tell you what? Well, I'll tell the audience. So I joined this women's book club. And I was like, this shit's boring. I don't like it. I'm fucking bored. So I basically, like a year later, I was like, how about we just do drunk bingo instead? And they're like, what's drunk bingo? I'm like, just get drunk, play bingo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's way more fun. They talk shit about their husbands and about the problems they have. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Oh, were you a post-traumatic stress syndrome cause you were up all night fighting for America's freedom?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Where My Mom's At, I talk about vag dryers, and the top vag dryer for me is Whatnadove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So not only is my seven year old into Roblox now and I get to hear about the fun of Roblox, now I get to hear about Fallujah and oil tankers. This is not the first time I've heard about his battles on the oil tanker with the Bulgarians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or how many guys are in your platoon, your squad, what is it? Are you special forces?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so you've discovered this. What is this game you're playing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His life and death. He's so traumatized. He really comes out of there and I have to like, massage your shoulders and you're like intensely in battle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's your call sign? Do you talk to other nerds while you play this game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Okay. Is that, oh, is that Afghanistan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The difference I will, can I tell you some real talk? And I know I talk a lot of shit. If you're listening to where my mom's at, you talk a lot of shit about video game playing and adults, particularly men. You've earned the right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you, can I tell you something, can I ask you a question? Seriously? Does it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you make eye contact? Does it ever stress you out being in that game? Doesn't, doesn't it give you like anxiety? Cause can you get really blown up and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I get worried about young boys playing this because what if they want to join the military because of that? They're like, this is so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, you can't do anything about it. It's just like the gays. If they're going to be gay, that's fine. If they're going to go to the military, that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babble. Whether you're a seasoned traveler or embarking on your first adventure, communication is key to fully experience a new culture. And that's where Babble comes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Babbel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. Thanks to Babbel's addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons, there is still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my house is a Spanish house. My children are learning Spanish. My husband speaks it. And now I'm on board with Babel. And what I love is that you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson. So you can start having real life conversations in as little as three weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Babbel's expertly crafted lessons are built around real life. You learn how to have practical conversations about travel, relationships, business, and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel and right now get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babbel.com slash mom. That's babbel.com slash mom for up to 55% off your subscription. Babbel language for life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we have such a hardworking team here at YMH Studios, particularly Smart Chad. Boy, does that guy grind it out. When every person, moment, and penny counts in your business, you can't afford to take any of them for granted. Stamps.com gets it because for the last 25 years,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've been helping businesses like yours save time and money so you could focus on your business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] KnowingStabs.com has all your postage needs covered with premium discounts and great rates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer. They even send you a free scale, so you'll have everything you need to get started. If you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it through your Stamps.com dashboard. And if you sell products online, Stamps.com seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Set your business up for success when you get started with Stamps.com today. Sign up at Stamps.com slash mom for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to Stamps.com slash mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how they do sizes like 2, 4, 6, 8, 10? Why come they can't just do all the sizes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are Brits though. I think that's the British sizing system. I don't know. I don't know either. Okay, let's see what this fat chick's complaining about. She's like, I'm super fat and I can't do stuff on fats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's fascinating how this all became the opposite day. It's like, why isn't the world accommodating my disgusting overweightness?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mental addic- this is her addiction, right? We're just seeing somebody's addiction on the outside. Who is her addiction?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if she were a junkie, let's say doing heroin, and she's like, why, why come they don't have clean needles for me when I go into the bathrooms of these hotels? They should have my gear ready. They should have spoons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking insane. And you can't, I've seen people ask for seatbelt extenders very discreetly. You can, as you're walking on, you can be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she's treating this like it's a disability. Like you should have a box. Like do I need a wheelchair? Like no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ. But you can't tell people this anymore. You can't be like, stop eating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For drinking bone broth and eating healthy paleo and doing yoga for eight hours. It's like, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or maybe, you know what they, she's got, okay, so let's, let's flip this. Maybe she's got a point. So like, maybe they should start an airline or a travel service or a travel company just for severely obese people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but she's saying that's not fair. They should pay for my obesity, which is absurd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, my Canadian friends, remember what they were visiting? Yeah. And we were walking around the mall. And I was like, dude, how fat are we compared to Canadians? And he's like, oh, that's disgusting. It's like, you guys are just so fucking fat. I don't know why you're so fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether you're new to cannabis or an old pro, there's no denying that many of the products on the market seem iffy at best. And when you want to relax, iffy is the last way you want to feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mood puts an end to guessing games. It's 100% federally legal. Delta 8 and Delta 9 THC you can have shipped straight to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No doctors, no waiting, just affordable legal THC. For a limited time Mood is giving our listeners free Delta 9 gummies and 20% off your first order. Visit hellomood.com and use our code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mom. I love my mood gummies because I know exactly what's in them. They taste delicious and they work like a charm. Really takes the edge off when I'm watching kids. Okay? Mood offers federally legal forms of THC extracted from hemp plants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of their products are regularly third party tested in drug enforcement agency registered labs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sourced from small family farms and grown organically. Ready for a good time without the guesswork? Order your THC products from Mood today. And for 20% off your first order and free gummies, go to hellomood.com and use promo code MOM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's hello m o o d dot com promo code mom for 20% off your order and free gummies.


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[Assistant] When you're just so isolating, like, you know, super goth and depressed, like I would've just...


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[Assistant] What do you call it when you're, are you gaming? Is that when you've got your Oculus on? What do they call it? Like, remember in the Facebook movie, he's like, don't talk to them, they're plugged in.


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[Assistant] Uh, a lot. And it's been ruining Tom's life. And Tom wore a mouth guard for many years.


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[Assistant] And then you taped me a few times and I was mortified. I'm like, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. So he tells me he's like, what you have to do is tape your mouth shut. And I was like, dude, that sounds so barbaric.


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[Assistant] I look terrible. That's what I look like. It's psycho. Yeah. That's what Tom gets to look at now. But I stopped snoring.


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[Assistant] It's funny, Tom wasn't that guy. Like back in 08, I was like, you're snoring. And he's like, no. And then I would sleep on the couch.


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[Assistant] No, no, it's a goth band and Tom's finally succumbed to my goth music and we're gonna see Love and Rockets, uh, in Utah. He's just so pumped. He's really good.


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[Assistant] Yea, enthusiast, yea. Okay. Yea, I don't, but again I don't like leave with that card cause I don't want people to make fun of me cause it's, it is a shameful thing and I'm, I'm aware of it.


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[Assistant] Tom's finally coming with me though. That's the, that's the news.


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[Assistant] He's still in rehab, that was like six months ago. I know, and then he got out, he was supposed to do a thing, a David Bowie tribute, and then he's back in the hospital. He's gonna die soon, I fear. But I'm glad I got to see them, you know? So, the Sisters of Mercy, they're German, they're German cops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there something I could accompany you to? And he also accompanied me to Vince Guaraldi, Christmas, you know, the Charlie Brown music. I'm a huge fan of that dorky stuff too. And he accompanied me two years ago to that. So you're in the god


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I was on the, I was on a flight and I saw the couple, right, and they were in first class and their seats were not next to each other. And I watched the woman kind of freak out a little bit like, but can I sit next to you, Gary? And he, the look on his face was so great because only I could see it. He was like, God damn it.


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[Assistant] I don't care, bitch, because it was really only a two and a half hour flay. And the difference between the man and the woman was just so funny, because he couldn't give a fuck. And that's most dudes.


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[Assistant] I, I, I, to me that etiquette, it is law.


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[Assistant] You know, I still am heard about the not wanting to sit next to the lady thing. I just, you don't want me, you don't want to feel my presence. Like I just, I love you.


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[Assistant] So that guy was 48, his girlfriend was like 21, and then he would get up and walk back to where she was sitting and like, French her.


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[Assistant] This is just a story about our agent, Jean's Andrew Russell, the greatest agent of all time. So I went to the, to the, well, why don't you set this up? I think this is a big story.


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[Assistant] And because the person that invited us is your mom's house fan.


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[Assistant] I had this great idea. Wedding dress. No dog. Full denim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would have worn denim on denim to meet the press.


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[Assistant] Sorry, sorry. Oh, you don't get to fight real enemies? Like are you fighting Russia? Are we fighting like China?


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[Assistant] Close your eyes, what's your favorite thing about me?


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[Assistant] I like the way you smell. You've got a very unique fragrance. You have like a body smell that I like. Yeah. Always. It's very interesting and very, um, since day one, I just like, I like how you, how you smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My armpits. That's cool. Do I have a smell? Like a lady smell? What's my lady smell?


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[Assistant] Alright, alright, so hold on, let me see, this is C.O. Wattles on the floor. Fuck your mother. The sea lion is brown and has visible ear flaps. I had to write this down. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's an adorable fucking sea lion that I want as a pet. Wow. May I please have one?


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[Assistant] Uhm, okay, I think I see earflaps. I'm gonna go sea lion. Alright, and... God, they're so cute. I don't know, can you tell the difference, Chris?


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[Assistant] So here's the deal is that he claims that this is just, quote, for fun. It's a fun thing. Do you think it's possible that this is just a fun thing or does it make his peener hard? I feel like it is sexual.


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[Assistant] Chris, I am a curator of videos on TikTok. I like to showcase the marginalized communities, people that don't necessarily have a voice, okay?


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[Assistant] I mean, finally someone just coming out and saying it. Usually the guys have a ploy, some kind of a thing.


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[Assistant] He's like, yeah. Oh, you, what, you saw that? Ah, shit.


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[Assistant] Don't make me decide. Like if you're gonna give me three options, like fuck you, you decide and then you tell me what to call you. Don't make me choose it.


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[Assistant] But wait, why would a lot of people tell you not- don't bother with the- I think she's saying-


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[Assistant] He doesn't die, he does make horrible choices with his camera angles, and he's 70 years old, and he likes to tell you that he's in good shape. And he works out every day, and he tells you about his workouts. And he makes like brisket and stuff, he's cool.


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[Assistant] She has it on. Anyway, she, but what she said is like, look, I got these tattoos when I was really young and I was using drugs and now I'm this mom and I'm mature and I want to cover up these tats. I mean, it looks cool though. There's one where she like twirl, like you can see it. I mean, it looks cool. She can do that though. Cause she's Kat Von D goth mistress, awesome town.


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[Assistant] I like it though, I'm telling you, she's kind of a bad person. Is that her back? Is she doing her back too?


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[Assistant] And listen, mad props to Kat Von D. I'm a huge fan. She goes full goth. Her house is full goth. She does like everything goth. I admire her. It's so rad. Can you go to her Instagram and just show like,


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[Assistant] I also know where you live! Oh my god, dude, no thanks.


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[Assistant] Oh, and then, uhm, she said, they asked her a question like, what are you surprised about other people? And she's like, I'm surprised other people care about their appearance as much as they do. Cause I never did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but I mean like people will be so obsessed about their imperfections or whatever and yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, in North Korea, Chris, if you want to meet a lady in North Korea, you have to donate a bunch of money to the government, obvi. And once you get married, if you get divorced, you will have to take a job as a very low worker. You'll be shunned by society.


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[Assistant] And you have to give up your government housing.


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[Assistant] Her account intimates that she, she does, like she talks about it, but you don't see her doing it, is what I'm saying. She'll be like, today I'm in London doing this and that.


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[Assistant] He's on it. Right there. That's the kaka when you're on it. That is? Click it and it's off.


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[Assistant] Did you like that full episode of Your Mom's House? Are your jeans as high and tight as they can be? I doubt it. Watch some more clips, dude. Look at that one.


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[Assistant] I just asked, hey, are those transitional lenses? And then you said yes?


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[Assistant] They did make us get those. So yea, Tom, I guess you're, you know, pro-Nazi.


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[Assistant] I was catatonic when I, I don't even remember agreeing to getting the


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[Assistant] The, the, the tattoo if I didn't cross. I legit don't remember agreeing to it, but I'm sure, I'm sure it happened.


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[Assistant] So these are Colombian pesos, but it's like roughly, it varies between $50 and like $300. Okay.


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[Assistant] Young ladies whose badges were drying up. Yeah. Men dared to be sensitive to something.


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[Assistant] He was and not have to be the party guy all the time. So good. All right, big deal.


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[Assistant] How about the guy that shoved his testicles into his...


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[Assistant] Here we are. Welcome to the program. It's another episode of Your Mom's House POMcast. And, uh, I'm very excited for today. We got some fun things to show you guys. Uhm, Gene, how are you feeling?


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[Assistant] Can't do it, man. Can't do it. Want to. Can't. Shouldn't. Sometimes I make myself go to bed with hunger pains.


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[Assistant] Uh, use Chicago deep dish, or that one place called Sicilian.


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[Assistant] I'm pretty simple man, I'm a simple guy. Meat, you know, I just like pep.


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[Assistant] I'll do a gourmet, every once in a while that can really get me. Some mix that like, has like prosciutto and some ricotta and then some, you know, truffle.


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[Assistant] Oil is death, like that kind of thing. But mostly, I'm a pep guy.


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[Assistant] But I can also go a year without pizza and don't care. I don't, I don't, pizza's not on my gotta have list.


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[Assistant] Yep. Uhm, what do you say we get going? You wanna do the opener here?


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[Assistant] Did you hear me say that? Was I like, I don't know, one of the females here will get their pussies licked up by me.


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[Assistant] You're talking about it like there's all these people who you don't know who they are. You know everybody's name.


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[Assistant] Okay, alright. Well, I wish you all the best in your dick sucking activities.


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[Assistant] I have, I've had some pretty rough coughing fits. I used to just go to bed every night after taking bong rips, you know? That was, that was my process for like four years.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we'd smoke, and then it was like, now bong rips. Smoked bowls, joints, and then it's like, let's hit the bong. Yeah. Big ones, yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you smoke, it's happened. If you're, if you're ever a heavy smoker, I was-


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[Assistant] It gets gnarly. It gets real gnarly.


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[Assistant] Now the toys have evolved so much for getting weed, you know? I bet. There's like, you know, fireless, like they heat the weed and there's these like...


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[Assistant] Volcanoes and oh yea, dab kits and everything. Like it's just like, it's a whole other world.


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[Assistant] Uhm, you know who I bet would be a great person to consult with on this? Who? This gentleman, Brian Johnson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're listening, uh, that is Brian Johnson, entrepreneur, venture capitalist, writer and author. He is the founder and CEO of Kernel, company that can monitor and record brain activity.


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[Assistant] An OS fund, a venture capital firm that invests in early stage science and technology companies.


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[Assistant] This is what him, obviously revealing what he's doing to slow down his aging process. He's pretty...


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[Assistant] Obsessed with it, he claims to have slowed his aging rate by 24%.


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[Assistant] A fucking rough boss. You know that working for this guy is... Yeah.


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[Assistant] Okay, how much is he, what is his actual age? Do we know? Like how old is he? How many spins around?


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[Assistant] What's he wearing in that first one? Is that a bondage outfit? Oh, okay.


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[Assistant] What's Brian's net worth? What type of psycho are we talking about here? At what level? Cause I bet it's...


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[Assistant] Probably to a degree, and he's probably, it's fun when you have probably that much money to just pick a...


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[Assistant] I mean, also, but I don't know, how do you give, how do you come up with the term?


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[Assistant] You know, I'm four years younger than my cr- What does that mean?


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[Assistant] Oh, yeaah, there he is. That's just like me with my oculus on. Go ahead.


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[Assistant] Ah, that's a cool headline. Tech mogul Brian Johnson who spends 2 million a year for his, for 18 year old body cheated and dumped fiancee after she got breast cancer. Lawsuit?


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[Assistant] How's that a lawsuit though? Like it's, it might be just be a story, but how is that a lawsuit? Keep scrolling. Uhm.


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[Assistant] Dumped his fiancee while she was undergoing breast cancer treatments. He made headlines with his, yea, pricey regimen of exercise special diet.


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[Assistant] Uhm, even hooked up to a machine that counts the number of his nighttime erections.


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[Assistant] She claims he was manipulative and controlling during their three year relationship. He in turn accuses her of attempting to extort him by threatening to make outlandish, salacious allegations about him in public forums unless he paid her exorbitant demands according to his separate filing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when we reached by the post, a lawyer for Southern declined to comment. Southern, who has made guest appearances in his own Rules of Engagement, New Girl, and American Dad, moved in with Johnson four months after they first met.


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[Assistant] In March they got engaged of 18 with the brom- romance with the divorced fitness nut turned rocky.


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[Assistant] He pressured her into letting him have sex with other women. Uhm, that's cool, that's not, uhm, abnormal. Big deal.


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[Assistant] She also alleged that Johnston had flings with more than a dozen women, so uhm.


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[Assistant] Johnson also made his fortune by selling payment processing firm Brainware to eBay for 800 million in cash. That's some real fucking checks there. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Johnson claimed...


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[Assistant] Okay, she helped Johnson with the development marketing of his personal brand. Yeah, sure. This is when you're trying to get your money. You're like, I helped develop his brand. Okay. Uhm, look at him. He looks great. Let the guy live.


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[Assistant] Johnson had agreed to provide lifelong financial support. Oh, this is where the lawsuit comes in. Then she got, um, breast cancer. She came, she, she became a net negative. And a bad deal for him.


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[Assistant] So wait, as part of this couple separation, the lawsuit alleges that Johnson breached and expressed oral or implied agreement whereby he would pay $149,000 toward her living and moving expenses in exchange


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[Assistant] That's not that much money for him to do that. He should definitely...


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[Assistant] In court papers, Johnson's lawyer accused her of violating the terms of the written contract. Now on at least her third set of lawyers. Oh yeaah. She's not gonna win this man.


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[Assistant] Jesus. Look at those vials. That's what I'm saying. He is obsessive. Obsessed. It's wild. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He gained notoriety after it revealed he pays him a 30 doctors to help oversee his extreme wellness regimen. His goal is to eventually have all of his major organs, including brain, liver, kidneys, teeth, skin, hair, penis and rectum functioning as if they were in his late teens. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he also tells you, are you going to go for a dip in the chamber? And you're like, I don't really feel like it. And he's like, God, you gotta deal with your bullshit every day. You don't take life seriously.


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[Assistant] You know, I like to do the polar opposite on this show sometimes. It's the guy who really takes care of his health. And then there's, you know.


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[Assistant] So there's a really good case for him, you know, to actually pay attention to these things. She's not that old.


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[Assistant] But she might be around his age and then there's somebody who takes care of himself like Brian and then there's the lady right here.


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[Assistant] There was a story that was trending a little while back about Justine Bateman.


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[Assistant] And she just, she made the news because people are like, you look older. She's like, well I'm 57.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm just aging as people age. And just because she didn't do like,


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[Assistant] Plastic surgery and get injections and like, you know, she's just like, yeah, I'm just 57 and accepting it.


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[Assistant] Because we resist aging so much, and what it looks like naturally, that when somebody of, you know, a noteworthy person goes, no, this is what I look like, people are like, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, get some injections. I get that sometimes when people they go like, damn you look old man. I'm like, cool, thanks. You look a lot older than you used to. I'm like, well I should.


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[Assistant] It's very nice. It's a nice- Dignified. Outdoor mall. Yeah. It's really spread out. It's huge.


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[Assistant] He used to open like that. I remember when I did the, uh, the old Palm Beach improv. I was like, welcome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I lost sunglass. I can just go downstairs to the sunglass hut because it's right here where I live, you know. You go to the Cheesecake Factory downstairs. It's too much. You don't want access to all the things you can buy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's the thing like, you know, maybe there's a period of your life you want to live there for six months to experience that, but I wouldn't want it to be a lifelong thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said we lost another brother, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Working on a trench when it collapses. Here's the update. Uh, he didn't make it. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I've seen that, I've seen a number of those videos. Very, very scary.


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[Assistant] That's what a wild place we live, that the earth will just open sometimes. Swallow people up.


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[Assistant] Imagine you're crossing the street right then. And that one just broke.


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[Assistant] Right, sometimes they break and everything falls much deeper than that, you know? Like, much deeper.


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[Assistant] Where you're in that car and then the car just goes bye bye to the earth. Gone! Yeah. Just, the earth swallows you. Who you gonna call the mayor? Yeah! What happened man? God.


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[Assistant] Beyond what you can even express. Are these gonna go right into that hole?


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[Assistant] At least it's not that big pool of water. Yea, I didn't like that. Where it just goes into a water that the earth swallows.


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[Assistant] Here we go. This is what I'm talking about. Give it to us. Let's see.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's, that's quite a bit. Here, let's change this up. Ready? Here's Bert playing guitar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That we've seen so many videos on this show now where people have really wild animals in the house. I mean, it's one thing to have it on your property, but those guys are watching movies with a liger on the couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Mad Maka from the Cosmic Psychos.


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[Assistant] They're like, that guy can fuckin' rip. I mean, clearly he's playing the guitar over his head, so. It's amazing. Yeah. It's good talent. Uhm, but this is amazing advice. Go up to a big bitch at a bar, and she'll start, or wait by the motorized carts at Walmart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, casinos definitely have a lot of big, big women. Big people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What'd you say? What'd you say? Tan, tan, tan.


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[Assistant] This is the first, that was the first time I heard it was when I was a freshman in college. And one of the offensive linemen, big guy, goes uhm, he was injured so he wasn't playing that week. He goes, are you gonna go to the game? And I was like, I think the game's in like, Virginia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get us a big old fat girl, you know? And I was like, oh my god, I had never heard. He goes, yeah, I like to go hogging every once in a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are remarkably funny. We see really funny memes. We see really funny videos made, really funny edits. Some are remarkable artists will like, you know, sketch something, paint something. You're like, holy shit. And there are also remarkable musicians. Um, this is Marcus Gerhardt. Check this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think now, right, with technology, you can get like, kind of, where they put in ear monitors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Downstairs, you go downstairs, there's that play area, there's that area over to the right, there's something, we could remove that and put it there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, I'm the strongest guy. And I go, okay. Then I just like picked him up off the ground. He goes, no, you're probably stronger than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably for right now, yeaah. You wanna be the strongest guy, so if some random lady needs to blow someone, she picks you out of the whole lineup, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think you hear, I think what happens is, I mean there's, I know there's been some type of study done about our capacity to digest new stuff starts to fade as we get older. So everybody who's older than you, you know, they always,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their preference is stuff from their era, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music from the 60s, and you're like, okay, it's good music, but it's because of like that's when they're first taking in sounds. I also think there's something to, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes people who like, uhm, like sitcoms, you go like, they keep watching them, right? They watch them for 10 years after they're on the air and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they like them? And what they tell you is they're like, it's like comfort food. It's that you know what you're getting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have to deal with the anxiety of will I like this? They go, I already know I like this. So the feelings are, this is something I know I like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have any of that, how am I gonna spend this time? It's soothing. Truth. I find that to be true when I listen to like, the hip hop that I grew up with and love, when I put it on, what it is, it's just like, oh I know what it is. It's familiar. It's familiar, I like it, it keeps me like, calm. Regulated. It's like soothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get a lot of anxiety, you know, check out this album.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, check out this show. People are like, you should check out this show. It's really good. I'm like, oof. And what I find is that, I mean, I gotta be into the show within...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 minutes. 10 minutes. I don't go, like, I'll give it a few episodes. I have to check it out, and if I'm, I mean, I wanna, I've changed in that sometimes I don't wanna shit on shows. Sometimes. Because I know too many people involved. Like, I'm actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I have the phone numbers of people who are on the show. There's a couple really popular ones that I could not get into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very, very highly respected shows and I'm like, it just didn't do it for me. I gave it a chance. I think, you know, we all have to allow ourselves to like what we like and dislike what we dislike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I have that thing where it's like, if it's, if it doesn't get me right away, I feel that way about books. Ryan Holiday said that great thing. Uhm, people who read a lot, quit a lot of books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and people who don't read a lot get like, they go like, I gotta keep reading this book. He's like, no you don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, Phil Collins, performing still. Is it his 70s? Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There he is, he's uhm, he's still jammin', but he's uh, he's in an office chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Phil Collins does have a spinal cord injury. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's weird to see him in an office chair in what could be like Madison Square Garden, I'm not sure. I thought it would be a more decorative chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy what happens to the body, it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the best actors of a generation also in a chair. Now did he have something like a health thing? What? He had a stroke. He had a stroke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what happens. And by the way, this is everybody's future. So don't think this isn't going to happen to you. You're going to be in a wheelchair too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best. He is fucking unbelievable. Yeah. The thing is, wheelchairs. Yeah, he's such an unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he, his, his, he makes that such a memorable part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the thing, wheelchairs, they don't have to stop you. You can still sing, you can still get out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you can still get after it. You can still box. Look at her move. You know, you can still...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think the thing about being in a wheelchair, if you're listening to this, I feel like they would all be like, please don't not include us.


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[Assistant] I don't think so, because it's like your nerves aren't firing, you know?


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[Assistant] Even it out. So what? I think when you're in that stage, you're not like, you know, cosmetically I'm a little bummed out right now. You're just probably like, hey, half my body doesn't function.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I have the same thing with that person and other people who you've met and all of a sudden you go like, this is a really good person. So you start to go like, hey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overly nice. Yeah, yeah, they're, they're so friendly and so genuine and you're like, this is actually like a, these people are out there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So genuinely like that, and then they, you know, like, they have a reaction to like, oh, somebody said something sassy, and it was terrible, and you're like, that is terrible. I wouldn't say something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are you guys gonna do today? That sounds like a lot of fun, that hike and then you're gonna go smell different perfumes at the thing and donate some clothes at the shelter. Yea, exactly. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what's the hardest part about being around someone? I'm not talking about who we're talking about. In general, those people, like the really sweethearts, it's what they laugh at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the goodwill they built with you for being a good person, immediately you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you really laughing at this? Like, this makes you LOL?


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[Assistant] I had a dinner with a behavioral scientist a few months ago and there was a group of us and one of the things he talked about was uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, there's an expression, right? It's very well, it's very common. People say opposites attract, you know? Opposites attract. And he goes, nothing could be further from the truth. This is like scientifically proven that what we're talking about right now is essentially what, what appeals to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how you should be with people who share similar interests.


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[Assistant] Whether it's your romantic relationships, your friendships, there's a reason why somebody goes, you know, I like fishing and you go like, nothing could interest me less. Well, guess what? Like that's a starting off point of like, this is probably not the person you're going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Align with, but if someone's like, I like fitting, you're like, I love fitting. It's like, there's an immediate bond. And this goes for it.


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[Assistant] Every relationship in your life. This, this has been, this is like one of the biggest studies that was ever done. The more similarities you have with somebody, the higher probability, whether it's romantic or platonic friendship,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna work out. Because that's what everything's about. Everything's about like, do you like this? I like this. And what we all have is this selfish thing inside of us where you just want to be around people who like what you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know that the study showed that even having the same initials as somebody is appealing to them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, there's a part of us that even, on a level, likes that. That's true. You know, your brain just goes like, oh, your name starts with an N? My name starts with, like, that's what people like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The point is though, hang out with people you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes the same thing goes for like dude, like just being friends with dudes. And I mean like at all stages of life, like there's sometimes you're like, oh this dude seems like a good dude, right? And then right away he's like, I like rock climbing. And right away you're inside, you're like, yeah, that's a nice guy, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, like that's his like favorite thing, he's like, oh we're going on a rock climb Friday, and we're going on a rock climb Monday, and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're like, you know you're a nice guy, and I'll always like, say how you doing? But like, we're not gonna be friends. You're a rock climbing Jimmy Buffet fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Besties, like when you go like, I know that person, I know they're bestie. They have a tight bond over shared interests. That's what it's all about. My best friends at each stage of my life, we had to have a huge similar interest in at least one aspect of life. Like I remember in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Minneapolis, it was humor. It was my, my, like my closest friends, we shared a sense of humor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you didn't, if we didn't like the same thing, we wouldn't have like decided to live together and hang out. It just continues that. And then if you talk about dates, like when you go on dates, that's the thing you find out like right away. You can have a drink with someone, dinner with someone, and at the end of like an hour, you could be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's not a chance. Why? We don't have any similar interests.


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[Assistant] Or it's like fireworks because conversation flows, oh I like that, you like that, you know.


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[Assistant] But that's a big one, that's a huge part of life. That's what you're gonna be doing is like talking shit and laughing.


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[Assistant] Number one, look for that tattoo on the neck or the chest somewhere. Big one. Sorenos. What do you tell them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sometimes you need, somebody has to be a little more than you. But you can't be with somebody who's like, I don't take any risks. Total chicken shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although those people pair up a lot. Two risk-averse people will pair up a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey! You just watched a full episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look. I don't know. They place them in like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I feel like my agent is like, it's a source of pride for him to like.


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[Assistant] And then I try to take a month off in the winter, like right after, like January and July.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Cause I mean, there's definitely that month, unless you go to like the deserts where.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, 140 degrees and they'll come inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the Midwest in late June, they're like, nah man, I'm going to the lake. I'm going to go set some shit on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Might as well. And I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go home, I'll go to Kansas City for fourth, cause I do like to blow stuff up, and they don't really do that in LA.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so yeaah, I'll go home and eat brats and do cookouts.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's a combination of meat and sauce. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, it's not as, you know.


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[Assistant] It was a lot better before Anthony Bourdain told everybody about it.


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[Assistant] Joe's yeah, he called it like one of the 10 places to eat before you die. Oh really? And ever since then, there's been a line like that outside the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. I mean, the locals call it in. You can call in and just go grab it, but yeah, that's.


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[Assistant] Uh, not recently, but I do like Texas barbecue.


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[Assistant] I used to, uh, fly, I used to get it hungover when I was, uh, flying through Dallas. Yeah, yeah. Like it's good hangover food. Yeah, it is. Yeah. So yeah. Nice and greasy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a dark, that's like, uh, when people like, when I, cause I smoke weed, but I just smoke weed. I don't do like dabs or anything. Sure. And people are like, Oh, you should get a dab break. I'm like, no, that's a huge jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you, now, can you just play regular, like, can you get like Fallout 4 for the Oculus or?


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[Assistant] I just, I'm one of those guys that goes too hard in the paint. Like I have 400 records. Like the last thing I need is to jump down the VR hole and never come out. I'll be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm a video game guy, but I... What do you play on the Switch? Uh, on the Switch I've been playing the, they re-released the first three Grand Theft Autos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's fun, but you also realize like how much video games have progressed. Crazy, right? Cause I thought Grand Theft Auto, whichever one I'm playing now, San Andreas, what I was like, this is the epitome of great games. And then you go back and look at it and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you an online guy? I'm not an online guy, I can't do that. Cause I try to...