[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's really fucked up. That's the kind of shit that will break your spirit as a child. You'll be like, woah.


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[Assistant] Your guess is as good as mine. That's right. One, two, three. No, you're right. It's his birthday is one, two, three. You gonna peel one off for your guy or what? Yeah, man. Hey. Our sober friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, maybe we all, I mean, it's a big one. That's his 40th. Holy shit, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's at work, or like, Let me talk to the vampires! Let me talk to the vampires! Why have I not been cast, Kyle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, make me a werewolf dude. I'd be a really good werewolf. I'd be so good. You would actually make it great.


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[Assistant] Did that, did it get nominated for an Emmy this year or was that, remember what? I feel like when we first started the pod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you get, then they would have to go up against fucking succession and that one's a, that's a tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drama. But that's a funny show too, like why isn't that a comedy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if it's 30 minutes, it's funny. If it's an hour, it's a drama.


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[Assistant] He doesn't have your email. No, he never does. He does it. He does not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's sending emails to an old account.


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[Assistant] He was soaking. But when you span it out over the last 18 days, it's a damp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not about that. It's like, I want to have a margarita with my boy. It's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's been nice. I've been really enjoying it. I- I- Would you sew your lips to a beer? I've been enjoying it. It feels good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, a pill! Uh, no, you know what I- Num num num. You know what I have noticed? When I don't drink, I'm very hungry. I snack a ton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I eat way more. So I've been buying hell of chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I eat just the same as everybody else. What is- No you don't, Blake. Blake, that is not true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys eat so much meat, it's fucking crazy, dude. I can't keep up with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I do, I do consider the calories of beer, so if I know that I'm like, having some beers, I'm probably not gonna eat as large of a lunch or have, you know, a steak sandwich. Really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even when we were on tour, like, we were having those like, 2 a.m.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fourth meal. Fourth meal. Yeah, dude. I don't do that. Like those nighttime pizza slices that are so good. It's just delicious. It is fun to eat that late at night, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Emmys added a, uhm, a stand-up award, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved it. I thought that that show was, was fantastic. Uhm. Mhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good way- So it's Jim Caviezel and- It is. That's a good way to go into it cause it just is fun to like, not know anything and kinda-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally. You'd be like, you'd be like, that obviously is the very end of the movie. You just showed it in the trailer because that explosion is the budget right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, uhm, we gave a lot of really epic slams to Bo, but now I'd like to uplift him. We can't wait to get you here, buddy. Adam, you're about to be a daddy. This is gonna be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. That is true. But I can still do it. I haven't tied my tubes yet, so. I doubt it.


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[Assistant] Because I will adopt a 60 year old tomorrow. That sounds cool as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a great question. How old? When what? You can adopt?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zoa Energy, our favorite, better for you energy drink, has launched a new campaign. Have you seen it? It's packing lots of BDE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone can have BDE. Not just the dudes, ladies. You know, Danny Garcia, one of the ZOA's founder, a woman, she's got BDE. My neighbor, this older woman across the street, I gave her a ZOA. She went from no BDE to a lot of BDE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is important, is back on the road on Friday, April 19th. That's right, 420 Eve, my fellow stoners. I don't smoke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam Blake and myself, Anders are hitting the hard rock city hotel and casino in Atlantic city to bring TII nation to another live show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tickets are available now at hardrockhotelatlanticcity.com or you can go to the link in our bio on our at pod important Instagram page. You are so dumb if you don't get your tickets right now because they will sell out hot, hot, hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if Adam bends over, he'll show you a Nebraska taco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no idea. Not that it's a hard decision to make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always get the email and I'm like, so, if I click on this, how long is this going to take?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sure are. Did we talk about John Stewart is back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the only reason I go there, but Paw Patrol is on full blast. I watch him on YouTube.


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[Assistant] Let me write that down. Big chunk of written stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that weird. Anders, come on up to the teacher's desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, to what you're saying Blake, like the, I was reading like my shitty Google news that's like, for me, right? It's like they, they give me the stories I want to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such fucking trash and the headlines themselves, the like way they try and bait you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay. Here's the one tip. The one tip is that if you do bring the kid to the restaurant and like put them under the table, you're good to go. Yeah. Until you like drop a fork off the table, like under to where they are and they'll just catch a fork to the face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People said all those mean things about you, but god, people, people are bored.


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[Assistant] So as a native Californian, that's where, that's, this is what you're doing?


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[Assistant] Will you describe it for the people of the Midwest who've never ventured out of their area?


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[Assistant] Blake, I don't like your tone. I don't, I don't like you attacking our new fattest member of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got- You know what's weird? I'm heavy, but I'm actually in a decent shape. The shape of my body. A good place. You're in a good place, finally. Is, uh, coming together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we or was that outside the pod? Yeah, we talked about the bone, the bone juice was clear and how we don't like bone marrow but we do. Oh, okay. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and weren't you putting up like over 300 pounds on the bench and shit?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I tend to go small. Cause I go medium. I refuse to go large.


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[Assistant] That's so real. Jesus. Dick was looking real.


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[Assistant] I hang it up right there. It's got all the dust on it. I hang in a prayer. No, but I feel like I've been somewhere where I've been like, I try on the, for me it's usually like an XL or an L and I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] XL's just, it's too fucking big, but I can't really fit in that L right now, so I'll get there. And some of those shirts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I just do this, and then it's... Sexy, hot, cool. It's too big. It's too big for...


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[Assistant] What the hell? Why were you doing creatine on tour? Just to get jacked up. Because I knew I wasn't going to be working out as much and I wanted like to really kind of go after it and recover. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just poured it on a pizza and folded it in half.


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[Assistant] Why not have a, why not have a


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[Assistant] But hey, that's part of the training. That's part of the core stability. Um, yeah. And that's what I don't have.


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[Assistant] One of my like dumb, like Instagram of myself type memories I have, like where I just took a mental picture, was I was doing this jump rope push up routine on the bow of that yacht overlooking the Caribbean and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm just gonna keep my mic on. I sense Blake coming for me and he stumbles words and I just seize on that. Oh yeah, Kamiku? Yeah, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the, the, the whole thing was that we come to the surface after, like, kicking that little thing away, little, little guy away, and everyone on the, the stern of the boat is like, you guys, we gotta go, you gotta get out of the water, get out of the water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of us, I think, share the same thought where it's like, oh, mama shark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really was. Yeah, but do you remember? And then we all get to the back of the boat and they just go, we just, we need to break for lunch. It's lunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were genuinely angry about that though. When we got up there, we were like, so don't do that. We've never been around sharks. You get to scare the shit out of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, when I sleep it's like- I just don't want- I don't want- Adam- Adam's right, you've been skewered. No. No, bitch!


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[Assistant] Yeah. Cause they never left California, they don't know there's other climates.


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[Assistant] It was like a, it was like a party the day of that super cold, uh, Chiefs game.


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[Assistant] Jesus. Right, but like, three dudes died mysteriously in some guy's backyard too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems, that seems like fugazy. Well, that's the whole thing. I think it was kind of like, what happened here? And a lot of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is warmer. I like where Adam's going, that you cut someone open and climb inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this is a story your dad had where he was like, he was gonna take it to the grave but then he just thought it would be better to get it off his chest to someone who's young who doesn't understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was uh, two roommates, where like a judge like made them take care of some kid, and it was like Paul Reiser who was like straight laced and then some cool hot artist guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the judge, the judge would always come over to the house, and it was kinda cool. He was always just swinging by. What the fuck? Do we remake that? Me and Blake are Adams, we're your dad, Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, also, Blake, don't give Adam line readings, please. Okay? He's got to figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. Uh huh. Is this talking about directions on Betty Crocker boxes?


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[Assistant] Then you're getting into like the intricacies of the government and the, hey, don't get me, don't get me started on the bureaucracy, okay? We gotta drain the swamp!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're reminding me, I think there is somebody, I think there is some news story about a guy who was breastfeeding his kids.


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[Assistant] Now Atlantic City, I guess I thought it was near New York, but it's at the, it's at the bottom of New Jersey.


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[Assistant] Or like the dude with the little fins on his feet from Black Panther 2? I'm trying to fly around like that guy. Ohhhh.


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[Assistant] Standing up, side of the bed, t-shirt on, no pants, fully in-


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[Assistant] Do they play that at sports stadiums and stuff?


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[Assistant] Disturb was talking about like, the planet, not himself.


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[Assistant] But also I am. I do like how like, you go into the bathroom just to take a shit, and he's like, don't jerk off in there! You're like, I'm not! And then you're like, well, come to think of it. It's not a bad idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did you do before like laptops and you were in front of a desktop computer at like your parents house? Yeah. Yep. Correct.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying you have to, of course, of course the like...


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[Assistant] But like, okay, so are you willing to accept that you've blocked out probably years of sitting down upright?


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[Assistant] I think three times a week you're putting in work. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Most twice. There's no way I'm not doing that at least. If the clock is about to strike midnight on a Sunday, I get it in. I excuse myself from wherever I am and I get it in. I say, I'm going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Standing up. Okay, well this is a shower situation. Okay. Wait, no, no, no.


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[Assistant] This is, you're carrying so much shame and you don't have to. You don't have to. Let it out on the pot.


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[Assistant] That's fine. We can just, you know what I will say, Kyle for sure has beat off outside more than all of us combined. That's what I think. He's big in nature, like, not in a good way.


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[Assistant] Are you on like a endo board? Is this like, are you building skill sets?


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[Assistant] I just want to say that if you're doing this in stocking feet, if you have socks on, it's slippery, it's dangerous. And if that's how you die, that was-


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[Assistant] Damn, but I don't stand for anything. That's true. I'm spineless. I stand


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[Assistant] It's, it is, I know what you're saying. It's like the, it's like the city's almost kind of, like if you end up somehow not going to the Super Bowl for a whole other reason, you might be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like it's like, are you going to the Super Bowl? As if like, it's, it's more than just the game. If you don't give a fuck about Super Bowl, there's at least 30 parties to go to afterwards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like people might even be fucking out of commission. I bet you that 5% of the people who are supposed to go to the Super Bowl for one reason or another aren't even gonna fucking go.


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[Assistant] Yes, dude, I promise you, there's just a lot of shit going on leading up to it. You might be too hungover or whatever, like hot at the table or like, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just not even gonna go. You're like, ah, wait, ah, shit, the game's on. You're like, ahh. Like, the party's gonna be going, and you're gonna be like, am I really gonna break this up and go to the fucking game? I don't know. Who knows? Five percent. Yeah. Five percent. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just sneak out, what you're having? Usher and Usher at the halftime?


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[Assistant] I do kind of want you to try sitting down, just to like- Does it feel better? Realize like- Does it feel better? You know, it's, it's still, it's an option. I don't know if it's better for you, but it's an option, and I want you to know that it's an option.


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[Assistant] Ayyy. Ayyy. Yes points. Wait, hold on, we got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Blazer, do you know where these seats are? Are you in a box? Are you down out there?


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[Assistant] Trevor Lawrence. I think Trevor Lawrence has the largest face I've ever seen in my life.


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[Assistant] Not in a bad way. It's not a bad looking face. I'm just like, that's a lot. He has a lot of face. It's long. It's wide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we saw, we saw football players in New York when we went. I remember seeing Gronk and Gronk didn't play, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's green light. We go. Even though we're ballers, we go, right guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Vegas is also like diversified. They know that they want to have something for everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go in knowing I'm gonna lose, and I'm just like, how long can I fucking string this along?


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[Assistant] Because the drinks are free. And you're sh-shouting and-


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[Assistant] No, that's, that's not how reality works. They're not more expensive than normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also I couldn't be winning or I'm losing. So like if I'm winning, great. But I'm also losing and paying to be playing. Like the entertainment, I pay for the entertainment of playing and then the drinks are free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they have balloon fight. Adam, have you, uh, balloon fight? Is that on your radar, Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't there a place called Sportsbook? I think my home is a bartender there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's special. It's to, it's to be respected. I do like watching Chris and McCaffrey play. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand how he's always in the right place at the right time. He doesn't seem like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a wide receiver. He was a wide receiver. Yeah. Yeah, and wasn't he fucking fast as fuck and cutting people and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. He seemed like he was, I mean, he's so big that like, you don't realize how fast he is. You just want to see him stand in there in his pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you watch the Super Bowl at this new sphere thing? I gotta go to the sphere. Can you watch the Super Bowl? Are they gonna air it?


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[Assistant] I guess what I would, I would trust the people who develop the way you watch things to do it right. Not year one. They don't. What do you mean? They've been, people have been going, they've said it's off


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen to me, all they have to do is just broadcast it as a big ass TV and have the rest be black, it can be the sky, it can be- Well then, why would you want us to be in there? That place seems like it sucks, you're trapped in a fucking- Cause you're with 20,000 people watching a game, drinking and kicking it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the past and it's the next. That's why it got my, I was like, oh, it's probably a couple of weekends and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I think. I think this is a PR stunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I think they're saying it's over and they're just gonna bring it back with flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would say that fruitstripe gum is a quintessential gum for children across the country. Fruitstripe cum?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was bigger. You got way more pieces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I agree, I actually hate now and later. Yeah, they're too hard. I can't, I'm like, this is going to be livening my teeth. I can't get this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, kabasa is- Are you trying- I don't know, I feel like you're trying to do a joke or something. Yeah. We're talking about candy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a bi- I got a 500 page book of Hans Christian Anderson, uh, stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the emperor's new clothes, we all know that banger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not like I've never done it. I've definitely done it. Uhm, but I think I can count on one hand how many times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go. Start your engines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rockwiler. Rockwiler. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll pour that mat into a shot. If you're poor enough. Yeah. Please. And, uh, that's what this tastes like to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best was like, uh, you see a dad who's about 35, like holding his like two young children, and the mom is the one that's been excited to be there, and you can tell he's just dead inside, he's like, what the fuck am I here? And then he looks up and sees me, and it's literally on maybe ten occasions on the two and a half mile parade route, a guy would be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cool, the Bacchus thing, cause I didn't really know that much about, uh, you know, Mardi Gras. But how much, like, remember we met that, or I met that old jazz singer at the Portland airport. The guy was like talking to me and he's like, man, you might be an actor, but I'm a big deal too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, uh, I was like, have you ever played Jazz Fest? And he's like, I d- I used to, and then I had a misunderstanding with the promoter. I'm like, this guy's an asshole. And,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, I was like, oh, I did, uh, Mardi Gras this year. He's like, oh, you went? And I was like, no, I was the king of Bacchus. And then all of a sudden he stopped being a dickhead and immediately was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We drove here, I mean these people are fucking rich. You saw some of these fucking houses we drove past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we just got done smoking, and so then they were like, you have to go to ten meetings, or this is gonna be on your permanent record. And I'm like, fuck, so I went to these meetings, and admittedly I was like, this is kind of, it was cool, like, I know people were there getting sober, but it was fun for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. No, I'm not getting sober. I'm, I would do like characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no disguises. I would, I would like have a like, I'd put on a little persona.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why when people try to say like the 60s or the 70s or even the 80s were the best generation of music, you're wrong. It was the early 2000s. Yup. Um, were we at Buckethead?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Blake, I'm gonna have to ask you to explain this. Sure. Riz. Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Suzanne never really had boots designed for hiking on the rocks, so I ordered, which is weird, she never had them. So in death, he ordered her Timberland boots. Yeah. Oh. And then he made my-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so I guess she was, who is she? I don't know, that's tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I ever, I don't even know if I had ideas of what I was jerking off to the first time. It was just like, if I tug on this thing, cool things happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Dylan asks, I wipe my ass the same way Adam does. Spread with the left hand, wipe with the right. Adam, is this something that you will teach your child? Wow. Absolutely, Dylan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] MJ, which one of the bros would be most likely to be cryogenically, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insane. And then as I like held up, uhm. They're Disneyland's for your dad, you know? Well, some dads. Uhm, as I held up the camo, it was like the montage in a movie no one's seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, zero points. And also I need like negative points. I don't know if it was bright or this fucking hat. Definitely tried to loft one to the top bunk up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine when you got hit by that truck that it was like one of those movies where like the superhero gets hit and then the whole truck implodes on itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys have a, uh, like a hot teacher or a cool teacher that all the dudes or all the girls were like all about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I think we talked about this. Uh, shout out to Eva Swift. When we dissected pigs, she cut the tongue out of the pig, and then the rest of the day she would just walk by people's desks and throw the tongue on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In like a weird, kind of like, not great seat, and this woman, like the hostess brought a couple to the booth that was behind the wood thing, and the woman was so excited. I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you gotta, look, this is Warren Buffett, like, he's not gonna, he, it's a bad investment to just give a kid a bunch of money. He's not showy. This dude drives a Camry. Yeah, I know, I mean, but. He'll be like, I'll buy more books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. Yeah, I like that. I love America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, hopefully, like, you have to start eating through a bag or something, dude. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is crazy, cause we do live in like LA where a lot of people choose to not have kids and just party their faces off and you watch them gallivanting around town and you're like, just, fucking, huh. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can't see it. That being said, kids died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, it's probably because I will, I'll bite very early on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do like that like in their vows when they were getting married it was like, I would love you, I would cherish you, I'll let anyone wear you like a feedback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, yeah. That's when you go wake up with your wife and you just go, I'm, I'm so sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I thought it was pretty cool, obviously to meet the people who come to the show and like, just fucking, everywhere we go, people are so nice to us, you guys are so fucking cool, we get crazy, very strange gifts, everywhere we go, but just seeing like the country and going to cities I've never been, Omaha,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I would just say like, hitting all these cities, meeting the people across the country who talk about how like, they grew up watching our show. I'm like, fuck you, don't say that. That makes me old.


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[Assistant] Do you guys ever think about people who died a while ago that you knew? Always. Like my grandfather? And like they just, they're never gonna put on those Apple like pro visor goggle things?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was cool. I was walking around with, uh, oh god, who's the guy? He's like a basketball announcer. Marv Albert. No, no, no. He was one of the Michigan Fab Five.


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[Assistant] I think she's an actress. She's an actress extraordinaire. Oscar winner.


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[Assistant] She was in like, uh, the Steven Spielberg movie as the mom.


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[Assistant] Right. If you've never done black scent, even if you're black, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] I would give away nine hundred million dollars. Nerd. To people who need it. One hundred percent. What do you need a billion dollars for? I'll tell ya, I'll tell ya. And then, and then, hey, you asked me, so shut the fuck up. Shut up, bitch! And then, I'd get this raven, right? Yeah. Now we're talking.


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[Assistant] I feel like if James Carey himself was listening, cause that's how he was listed on the pilot of In Living Color, if he was listening to this right now, he'd be like, do these guys hate me? Are they making fun of me?


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[Assistant] Are people still doing this one on the ribs? That's hot. Tight, tight ribcage.


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[Assistant] This is back when in a rap song you could just say numbers. And more numbers.


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[Assistant] But that's like a, that's actually a very cool way to show up at a party. Cause I feel like as a, as a teen or a tween, you'd roll up somewhere and you'd hop off your bike and let the bike keep going until it spilled out. That was 32, so. But to do that with like a $20,000 motorcycle next level. That's fucking cool, dude.


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[Assistant] And then the next year we came back and it was still.


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[Assistant] She, I'm like butt naked, trying to have her finger my asshole, cause I'm like secretly a gay guy on the side. And she's like fed up with that, so she coats a tampon in hot sauce, and shoves it up my ass. And I go crazy.


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[Assistant] The thing about where, uh, Kyle and I got married, it's this ranch in Malibu that on the weekends is where people get married, it's like a wedding factory, but then during the week they just film


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[Assistant] I did it again. I can see that. I feel like out of all of us who would most successfully transition,


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[Assistant] Ah, cool. Yeaah, and then you put those cards down and then you kinda stack those cards up. You flip the table! And then I go, Hey, how do you do it? And then you just looked at me and go, Nah. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Shopping dude. Oh yeah. Shopping. That's why they have couches. So you just sit there drinking your iced coffee staring at your phone while your wife is like, I don't know, is this right?


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[Assistant] I don't know, I just, I just saw these on Instagram and, and I was really stoned. And sometimes when I get really stoned, uh, shoes show up at my house. And my wife is like, did you buy these? I'm like, I think so.


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[Assistant] The only reason you guys are failing classes, and you said you failed a lot of classes, I think it's mostly breath related. It probably was. And so I think we gotta go to some of these teachers and be like, yo let me see, breath check, right quick.


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[Assistant] All these teachers are getting fired, uh, because they have OnlyFans. Yeah, this one did not have that. Sure.


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[Assistant] He smoked way too much weed. A lot.


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[Assistant] Mmhm, and then it's like, and then I gave a smoke a weed, and then I started again.


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[Assistant] Botox and OnlyFans, George Santos, who I just learned who this guy was, but evidently he's like a congressman. Evil name. Yea. George Santos won't run for re-election after damning Ethics Report. Dude. Yea, so I guess he was like kinda fucked up, right? This guy?


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[Assistant] He was the one that when he's like walking through the halls of congress and the, the, the reporters are asking him questions, he's like


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[Assistant] Welcome to the club. And I was like, ah, these guys are psychos. Until I registered officially as a Democrat, fucking Adam Schiff, that guy is always like, hey Adam.


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[Assistant] Sure. Travis Kelsey, old tweets. Reposted by Taylor Swift fans ahead of Eagles versus, uh, Chiefs. And they are pretty fucking good. Uh, Travis Kelsey in 2011 goes, why do I always have to be the one that stands out? I'm getting stared at like crazy in the airport. Shake my head.


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[Assistant] And then 2010 he goes, the moon looks crazy tonight. Imma chill out here a little and just visualize my success and vibe to the scenery.


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[Assistant] Maybe I can't, maybe I can't kick his ass. Yeaah. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] 2009, bout to go get some Taco Bell, then hit everyone up and see what's poppin'.


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[Assistant] I was actually looking forward to that Charles Barkley Taco Bell commercial. Highly upset right now.


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[Assistant] So Josie wants to know, Josie, what was the drunkest you've been on tour? Indianapolis.


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[Assistant] It was that it was boring. Mine I think was, uh, mine I think it was Dallas, dude.


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[Assistant] And then later, like a few weeks later, we're like, yeah, when we met, uh, Blake's aunt and uncle, and there's just like, I wasn't, I didn't meet them.


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[Assistant] Joel says, what is one thing, uh, you are each jealous of one another for?


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[Assistant] I would say for me, it's Kyle, uh, and it's kind of changed a little bit because his eyes aren't quite as wonky.


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[Assistant] Like something over here and something over here and you can see em. Which is tight. Yeah, I'll- Blake, I would say for you, it's, uh,


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[Assistant] It's your ability to just morph into any situation. You could be a skater, you could be a cool rocker dude.


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[Assistant] Okay, yeaah, fair enough. There are green and red apples.


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[Assistant] That's Bill, that's Bill. Uhm, and I've decided that


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[Assistant] Eating pizza, I face-fuck buzzballs every night, so, and... He does.


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[Assistant] Coming along, and I saw her out of the corner of my eye, and I noticed that she was kinda like, slowing her roll.


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[Assistant] So you, you, so you did roll down, you did slide down the hood. Yea, I did a, I did a, I did a full hood slide. And landed on my feet, and then it was kinda like... What happened?


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[Assistant] I feel like I could maybe text YG, I don't know.


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[Assistant] It was like the same, so it was a big deal, and we also had a, uh, a big meeting. An assembly, if you will.


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[Assistant] I did, I flipped it on the freeway, I spun, I hit a puddle in LA and I spun over four lanes of traffic and then I hit the guard rail and my car did a full flip and landed and I'm like hanging from my seatbelt and the back, the metal part shot through the back window and so if you're in the back seat you would have been decapitated.


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[Assistant] So Chris, uh, McElroy would like to know. There he is. Chris has couple friends. McElroy. He goes, why is Todd, our sound engineer and editor, wearing a shirt? It's his hometown show. Todd, show your titties. Lights up, lights up.


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[Assistant] That is an album I've never heard. I know the Rollin' Rollin' song, but yeah, don't know the...


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[Assistant] I just watched, uh, I think you know him. The one who was in that show, that movie Goat. Oh, I saw that flick.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty good. It starts off real strong and then it's like...


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[Assistant] And people, and, that and people throwing cats.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause your beard looks like what he looks like with a beard.


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[Assistant] Or is it coming in proper? You're the kind of kid who like as a senior, like if you, like, let's say I'm a freshman and I go to high school week one and I see a kid like you with mutton chops down here.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's just, it looks like a candy, like I have a candy cane pinned under my nose. Geez.


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[Assistant] Get close, baby. Let's see it. What are we doing? Come on. Get close. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Have we told this story at Comic Con when... Yeah, it's possible. Oh, really?


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[Assistant] Whoa. That's right. I actually like that. And we told the story about Isaac at Comic Con where we like rolled into the hotel.


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[Assistant] We like, knocked on his door, just to be like, fucking, whatever. And then we walk back to our rooms, down the hall, and he pops out butt naked and is like, allegedly, and uh, the door closed.


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[Assistant] I had to blow him and then he... Do you guys remember that?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Well, he needed to go soft. I was like, I bet you can't put your legs behind your head, and then it did, and I was like...


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[Assistant] Nah, Isaac was sleeping, he popped out naked. What are you, where are you going with this?


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[Assistant] It's like how ear, nose, and throat are all kind of a thing when you are a... Kyle?


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[Assistant] Aerial, areologist. Wait, so, so you know this little thread is from 1995. Areologist.


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[Assistant] What is he saying? What is he doing the whole time? Is he like, we get this all the time or this isn't uncommon?


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[Assistant] So, so we think that this was like a like inner stitch that they did like inside the flesh before they closed it up with like outer stitches maybe. Mmm. Yea. Inner stitch, stitch goals.


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[Assistant] Oh, you had like that sexy, like goth girl tattoo that goes up the back of the leg.


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[Assistant] Nuts. The bride- the bride of Chuck you shit up the back of the leg? Ooh, boy, don't you walk away from me with that!


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[Assistant] By the way- Dude, this is gross! I still like that joke form, people saying what in the-


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[Assistant] Man, what's so fucking dope, huh?


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[Assistant] But what's weird is, I think- Yeah, these are the kids who jump off the giant slide at the playground and like eat shit just to have everyone watch.


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[Assistant] I love when we get down to the nitty gritty of just humanology. How do we think? Why do we think?


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[Assistant] The liability alone, I think that this is in front of a lot of people. It's like when you go see like, people practicing circus shit in the park altogether.


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[Assistant] That's the whole thing is I'm like, how much, how much better is it in a fucking suit where you can't breathe? It's gotta be good.


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[Assistant] Blake, I didn't know that was a thing either. What is going on here?


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[Assistant] I mean, yeah, I love how people are like, no kink shaming. It's like, yeah, but this, someone died. So like, maybe that one we don't do.


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[Assistant] You're saying this is like, uhm, what is it? Uh, uh, Murphy's law? Darwinism? Yeah, that's it.


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[Assistant] But what if that's your kink, to be like? Yea, what if that's your kink, dude?


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[Assistant] I like to start suicide pacts with people and take it right to the limit.


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[Assistant] Say it again. Blake, are you sure that that's something? I'm sure.


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[Assistant] That's, that's it. It's just. He's blowing the whistle and he's just going, are we good? Raising awareness. Yeah. No flotation devices. All right. You guys are good.


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[Assistant] You good? I'm good! There's a lot of someone else's fingernails in here. I'm good! Damn, I'm good!


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[Assistant] Hey, oh woah, is this one of those St. Andrew's crosses here, huh? It's a lot of blood. St. Andrew's Cross, huh?


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[Assistant] You're literally hol- And I looked down and I found a leash on my ankle.


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[Assistant] Now here's my question. Here's my question. If this is your agent, there's no way he's not constantly talking about this, right?


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[Assistant] You're trying to be casual, like, yeah, kids, we did the, we went to Disney, you know how that goes, your feet are sore. Yeah, took him to the pumpkin patch. Well, if you think your feet are sore, you should see my asshole, this weekend was crazy, and I'm like, okay.


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[Assistant] Like who, who are his clients? Like who's on his client, who's on his roster?


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[Assistant] Gotta be... Yeah, and by the way, let's just circle back. Sure. Super sad situation. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Just be safe. Come back, come back. You're hear- you're hearing about-


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[Assistant] Greed. Greed. I mean, but who, what is this bus that they're chasing? Did they have a bus where their toe shot off like Adam? The first bus.


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[Assistant] And they're just trying to get that bust back? You're not gonna get it.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, you just remen- you just reminded me of something insane.


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[Assistant] What's the number, what's the, uh, the, the like model number on that?


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[Assistant] I'm looking it up because I'm almost positive I remember seeing that camera and knowing the price was out of my price range for back in the day.


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[Assistant] There's gotta be a picture of him somewhere. You have to be.


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[Assistant] I do remember when it was like, crumping is next, and it kind of, let's just say there's still break dancers, and that started in the 80s, and I don't know how many crumpers, uh, I don't know if it stood the test of time.


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[Assistant] You're right, you're right, that's a good- So what was crumping? Crumping was just like- Where you're really popping and locking and like slamming into it, but maybe they've merged. I thought it-


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[Assistant] And then there's really awesome. I remember thinking, you remember thinking it, because it, because you did and then now you don't.


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[Assistant] If the people don't come, there's thousands of people already there, but dude, those back seats, they're hella cheap.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, but help us not look like bitches.


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[Assistant] I don't wanna be that anymore. And that's September 17th in Chicago, September 22nd. We're coming out to Phoenix!


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[Assistant] Uh, and then we're back in Long Beach on the 23rd of September and then we're out to Denver, the mile high city on September 24th.


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[Assistant] We're coming in mile high. It's gonna be off the hook though. It's gonna be good. Yea, we're gonna come in hot.


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[Assistant] Oh, we have to. I'mma, I'mma, I'mma dangle from some hooks. Like, we gotta come out to some Denver last night.


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[Assistant] Topic is closing. He's old as dirt. He's getting up there.


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[Assistant] Your leg is numb and Adam's, wait, two of us can't feel our legs?


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[Assistant] That's, uh, hold up, hold up, hold up. Adam, you have to watch that fucking show. Uh, what was the drug show with, uh, uh, Michael Keaton? Keaton?


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[Assistant] Our producer, who will not go named so that fucking, uh, the pet people don't come for, I give three pills of ra-ba-ba-ba to my cat before he gets groomed. Gabba-petten, gabba-petten, yo gabba-petten, yo gabba-petten. I don't know, I don't know how, honestly I don't know how I feel about that.


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[Assistant] And, and I know how hard that is, so I'm just wondering if you're good. You're some of the cleanest cats I've ever seen.


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[Assistant] Yeah, hey Blake. Yeah, Blake, do you not remember? How like, for five years, all girls smelled like herbal efferents.


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[Assistant] If it doesn't work, I would just, uh, flush it and let the fish eat it. Yeah. See what crawls out of the ocean in a couple months.


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[Assistant] No, it's not there, dude. It's not there. Don't do that to me. My guy Bernie Lomax bought the album and I was like, this has two songs. Don't do that to me. But then there's the guy who died. The guy who died.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, his guy, it was like his, it was like the leader of D12 that wasn't


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[Assistant] Me too. Yeah, we're on the same wavelength. Yeah, man.


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[Assistant] Yes, no. He had a hit song. He had a hit song.


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[Assistant] They've been doing that. I went to the kings of rap tour like five years ago with like


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[Assistant] He was unfucking believable. It was at the Hollywood Bowl. I love Ice Cube. Really? He had everybody in like the palm of his hand. And when he did, today was a good day. One of the greatest. I was like, I think this is the.


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[Assistant] I'm just stoked I knew that song. They were like, let's make so much money and drop this track.


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[Assistant] Did you find a genie in a lamp or anything? Like, Aladdin style?


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[Assistant] Well, what's the big deal? Why didn't everyone do that?


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[Assistant] Mike, you might get to come on stage and slam a beer against Adam Devine, our beer slamming champion.


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[Assistant] Is this the last pod before we tour it up?


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[Assistant] If you guys want to hear something loud, come on out to the TII Nation Tour. Yeaah baby.


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[Assistant] And Adam, I meant to bring this up last time. How are we pronouncing Massachusetts? Massachusetts?


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[Assistant] That's true. I don't know how to, I honestly don't know. I probably can't spell Massachusetts for sure.


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[Assistant] Blake, you're in a dog costume on a, with a leash. You're, you're fully committed. Just go. And I have to take a shit.


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[Assistant] Did that get pulled? I thought we were going. Are you saying charred or charged? Charred. I say charred. Okay, I thought you said polycharred. Cause I just don't have time to even say... I might have. Dude, I'm on... I don't have time to say politically charged.


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[Assistant] I went, I was at the grocery store.


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[Assistant] And I took a picture of the deodorant section and there either is or is not a, um, root deodorant in this picture. I said there probably isn't. Maybe there's, maybe there is, maybe there's not. But I'm going to send you guys this picture and you can tell me if you can find it or not. And that's the game. This has been another episode of


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[Assistant] What did you just say? I said, I said you can't find brute deodorant anywhere. And I went to the grocery store and I looked in the deodorant section.


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[Assistant] It's everywhere. The picture will tell you. The picture will tell you if it is everywhere or if it isn't.


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[Assistant] That's too, that's too small. I just sent, I just sent it to you guys, but look at the, look at the assortment that they have. Oh, it's in the text thread. See a lot of red, a lot of green. Look at the assortment that they have. This is men's deodorant. A lot of Axe.


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[Assistant] By the way, I, I can't believe all the dove for men, like.


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[Assistant] The last brute. The last brute. Kyle, did you just- did you just watch Adam organize a movie with Blake?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I thought I was an asshole, but when, when I saw, when I was like, ooh, that's a lot of seats to fill, I felt like a little bitch. And, uh, then people showed up and we do appreciate that. This is fucking awesome.


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[Assistant] Kyle, Kyle looks like Adam Devine, ate Adam Devine.


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[Assistant] There is over if a piece of dookie falls out of your shorts.


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[Assistant] That's never going anywhere. I just posted a Popo's Owl clip, uh, on the, on the old Instagram. There you go, did it go viral? Dude, I was, uh, I, I was doing a gorilla marketing campaign for, uh, my movie that I no longer can talk about. Gorillos? Oh, gorilla.


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[Assistant] Uh, and then posting, uh, like Kevin Federline. I posted a Britney Spears of her dancing. And then also one of Jared Leto. That guy, has he lost his fucking mind, dude? Have you watched those? They're on my Instagram stories. Oh. Oh, dude. I don't know.


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[Assistant] Well, did you? Yea. I mean, cause he's looking like, I mean, and he has so much money, so he has like enough money to dress like a vampire. I feel like in order to really pull off the vampire look, you have to have a ton of money. Bro, he's cool.


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[Assistant] Dude, Jared Leto's on, he's on some other shit. I tell you what.


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[Assistant] Oh, I am no doubt. Dude, I feel like me and Kyle have a very similar algo. Oh, for sure. Because we do tend to just see the same thing. It's just...


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[Assistant] I don't think that that's sad, dude. I don't think that that's sad. I think those are...


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[Assistant] I don't like seeing a kid actually get hurt, but my favorite is when, I'd say I don't like kid fails, but I like when kids cry over nothing, over a nothing thing. Get hurt? Right. Hold up.


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[Assistant] Like if they, if they fall back and sit on their butt and you know that didn't hurt them and just sort of shocked them a little bit. Oh ba- baby first nut sit on my nuts. And they just start bawling. I find that funny. I- I'll- I'm gonna laugh in my child's face. Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] The worst fucking streaming service, and uh, they could kiss our ass. The reason we're going on strike is because the Workaholics movie was cancelled. I feel like- Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's just you don't have cable dude. And there was less, there was less options. You would flip through and find something and be like, oh, I'll watch this.


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[Assistant] Like moving on. Because I was on the, I was doing like a podcast run for the movie that I can no longer talk about. Can't talk about it. And I did uh, Theo Von's podcast and he was asking me like why there's not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] enough, something about like why there isn't a ton of comedy movies and why there's no comedy movies that are hitting HR. And I'm saying, well, I was like,


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[Assistant] I think the reason is, is we've been conditioned to watch big Marvel superhero movies and there's, they made so many of them that you started to go, well why would I go see a little comedy if


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[Assistant] And the internet took that and ran. People were like, how dare you? Uh, Marvel didn't ruin shit. You fucking idiot. You're never gonna be in a Marvel movie. Kiss my ass.


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[Assistant] And I know that I'm not gonna be in a Marvel movie anyways. Look at this face.


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[Assistant] To J.O. Someone was saying, well, in 2003 or whatever year it was, it was like the, uh. That's true, to jack off.


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[Assistant] The second, like, one of the biggest movies was the Spider-Man movie that came out that year. But the biggest movie was Shrek and then it was like a list of all these comedies that were the biggest movies of that year and I'm like- That rocked in 2003? Yea, but there was-


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[Assistant] The, uh, but, but I'm just saying.


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[Assistant] Another knock that I had that people were like, uh, that's stupid take.


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[Assistant] Hunker down. Well it's the same, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. It's the same thing guys.


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[Assistant] I was saying, why did they put out Dersa's movie, uh, uh, about my father? Can't talk about it. Can't talk about it. And, and the machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they came out the same weekend and they both made like six to eight million dollars, somewhere in there. Uh, together that would have made like fifteen million dollars. And that's a healthy opening for a comedy. That's a box office whoop-wap and we all know that. That's a whoop-wap nowadays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I feel like there's a, there's less at bats. So back in the day, they made 40 comedy movies a year by studios.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, starring a bunch of different people, and it was like, Tom Green. That's a movie. Freddy got fingered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A handful of them would hit, you know what I mean? A handful of them would really hit and you'd be like, oh, these guys are now the big comedy stars. We're going to make more movies with them. And then it was the new crop of new people that they're hoping hit the next year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Anders Holm vehicle? Can't talk about it. Can't talk about it. The Anders Holm film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which is why streaming services are taking big swings with comedies. Uh, because there's an appetite out there. Uh, the, the movie that I can no longer speak about. Uh, I didn't get the numbers for the whole week yet, but I mean, over 20 million people watched it the first weekend. Okay. That's fucking right. Nuts. No, that's the numbers that they gave us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but I'm like, I'm like, there has to be some kind of business model where you can release it. Obviously you need help financing the movie, but if- No, I don't. 20 million people- No, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say, and let's say it costs $2 to rent. I don't. $2, yeaah. You know what I mean? Like, I wonder if half the amount of people would give $2 and then that's a $20 million opening? Or even an eighth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure, but I, I also, I also miss the, the, um, like the comedies in the, in the 90s that there's no like real...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good. Tell you what I am watching right now is, uh, all the Mission Impossible movies. We're going back and rewatching. Okay. I think I probably missed, uh, five out of the six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I- Yeah, people swear by that. People really like it.


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[Assistant] I watched like the first one back in 1996. Uh, the second one is less good. The second one is fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was John Woo. There were so many birds flying everywhere, slow motion style, but uh, John Woo, woo woo woo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. Okay. Uh, that was, that was two. That was, uh, John Woo. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Barstool Sports, a KFC radio. I just did that podcast, so I follow those guys now. One of those guys had a take that I was like, oh that's a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are the same movies. It's the same kindness. Yeah, they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, I mean because in the 70s they didn't have the budgets to do these huge set pieces, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, you see those guys as- you saw their lats and their- Crushing a fucking parking structure. Their hogs. You saw their lats and their guns and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sike. I know. Dude, that's another reason why I mean the Mission Impossible movie. And by the third movie, they like explain those masks finally. Oh, that's cool. Cause the first two movies they're just ripping these masks off and you're like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure. But you have to explain like how these were made. How did they have them on them at all time?


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[Assistant] Uh, what I do like about the Mission Impossible movies is they do all feel like of a time.


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[Assistant] Like the 1996 one- That's the Limp Bizkit for ya. Feels like it's in 1996. And then 2000, the John Woo- Dude, the jeans game, I'm guessing? The John Woo one, number two, Mission Impossible 2, is so 2000, like Kyle said, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we're on four right now. Uh. How many are there? Nine? No. Seven? Uh, I think six is coming out. Six is, uh, seven just came out in theaters. And it's rockin' right now. It's tearing shit up. I can't wait to see it. No, it's doing less good than they thought. It's still doing very good, but, uh, it's...


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[Assistant] Yeah, it also doesn't really matter. They said, they reset it after.


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[Assistant] What so people like you who don't remember can go and still enjoy the movie? That doesn't bother me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I know what you're saying. That was hella smart. Yeah, I-I got- What's it called though? Don't we know? Damn. What happened to us? Gold bomb? What happened? That used to be a tip of the tongue, top of the teeth. Tip of the tongue.


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[Assistant] See, that's my point is I'm not talking shit about Marvel. I'm saying that that's what happened to... Comedy movies. You know.


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[Assistant] Peewee Herman's in that flick too, right? I'm, uh, my wife, my wife hates it, but I'm rewatching Entourage. Again? You rewatch it? Yeah, whenever I have a ton, ton of downtime. I just, I just let it play on the TV. I'll, I'll walk in, watch 15 minutes, go about my day. Oh. And what do you get out of it? Yeah, what's going on there?


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[Assistant] Okay, very nice. Pizza, pizza. Excited, you're gonna have to send us some pics, I wanna see that.


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[Assistant] I mean, I- Without a doubt. My boy Kyle can be duck Ellen.


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[Assistant] Wait, what? Yeah, Paul Pierce, he, he got- So Kyle doesn't know the story for sure, but- Of course not. No.


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[Assistant] I don't know if there's a whole seat, a CSI situation happening with his basketball shorts. Yeah. It's a, it's somebody should.


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[Assistant] Oh, for sure, dude. For sure he shit his pants. And then it's, it's in shorts, right? It's in basketball shorts. They wear white too. And they wear white. But they're wearing tight.


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[Assistant] So, you know, he just, he just act like he tweaked his ankle or whatever and just ate shit and was like, I'm in pain, I'm in pain, I need to get out of here right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I don't know. Lubricating. It's been years since I like got sick from being sick. Oh man.


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[Assistant] Uh, well that sucks, Jers. So now you have to get on a 10 hour flight. Good luck. Has it, it's gone through everybody or are you afraid one of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like this. Lemmings. I spiked, I spiked pizza in Blake's asshole. Yeah, and then...


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[Assistant] That's pretty good. Well, we told that story so long ago, but, uh, the quick version of it is we were very drunk back from a show, it was like one of our very first shows out of town, uh, a sketch show, The Lemmings, National Lampoon Lemmings.


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[Assistant] Who was sleeping where and I had called a bed and you were laying on it with your ass hanging out and I asked you to get off the bed and you wouldn't.


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[Assistant] No more butt stuff. No more butt submission impossible. God damn it.


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[Assistant] Well, is there any take backs, any apologies, any epic slams or dope giveaways? Oh, by the way, uh, we're getting tour dates. So it looks like we are going to, uh, hit the road a little bit with TII Nation, which, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that sounds, that sounds, uh, like a nightmare.


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[Assistant] Huh? Sentence impossible. Well, I got a lot of, I got a lot of plans. Well, I mean, the fact that we don't have the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the picture, the four, uh, little slices of our buttholes as a, uh, NFT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about it? I feel like the people would be, people would gobble them up.


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[Assistant] It's a quarter. It's a quarter. It's a quarter of the asshole. So it's that, you know, you kind of get a go. And then, and then it's a fun guessing game of like slice of the pie. Who's whose asshole is whose, you know, if you don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zach, my friend, I wish I was pizza on Instagram, makes them in a garage. So you could just ask him and he'll quickly make you one.


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[Assistant] People know him. My 4th of July party, uh, 4th of July party was, was pretty epic by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I introduced you, I introduced you, uh, his name is Flo Groberg, and he...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think his name is Florent, Florent, something like that.


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[Assistant] Uh, and he won the Congressional Medal of Honor. He became my buddy. I did the USO Tour with him. And uh.


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[Assistant] Well it's, it's like the highest award our military can give you and it's actually most people are dead when they receive the award. Okay. Because they have to do something so heroic usually they die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he is one of the- I think there's only like two living- Yes. Yes. Yes.


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[Assistant] It was a suicide bomber, and uh, he tackled him, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tackled the guy and saved his whole platoon and was blown up and flew like 40 feet in the air from the explosion.


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[Assistant] No, doing, uh, USO tours and, uh, he's just become my buddy and he was like, I, I asked him to come and he was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm coming. I'm going to come. And, uh, he came from, I think he lives in the Dallas, Fort Worth area and just flew in for it, which was, which was a blast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've asked him to do a handful of things and this is the first time that he swooped in, which was so cool.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's really good. His wife, Carson, very, very nice people. I met them both on the USO tour.


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[Assistant] What are, what's another movie that's on, uh, that's on Netflix right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause football players are the most boring of all the athletes. Really? Okay. I like that. Football players are as fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it's cause they follow the guys that aren't necessarily the stars. I feel the drama comes with them going, this guy's about to get cut, or this guy is getting cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then I feel like you spend more time with them. It's like if you're following just with the stars, it's a different, different beast.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There it is, yeaah, this is Hollywood, baby.


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[Assistant] It's like 13 minutes. It's like Indiana Jones. Yeah. Yeah. Indiana Jones gets six and a half wimpy standing oh minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four like forty year old guys just talk about buttholes and cum for an hour and a half.


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[Assistant] This is like a 36 hour podcast cause we're not able to leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all, just caramel and marshmallows, that's all he works with.


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[Assistant] Oh, so you did try to go to the luggage talk. You used the extender and that's why I don't want the Ramoa.


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[Assistant] Hey, remember that uh, in the last dance, the Michael Jordan documentary?


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[Assistant] I guess it's cause it's not a question. Uh, yea congrats on the tour. I'm a ten plus year fan religiously. I drove four hours from New York and bought, and bought before you released the other dates. Please tell me where the after party is or if we can chill for ten minutes. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had, we talked boners for quite a bit. Oh, that's right. Oh, we did.


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[Assistant] Adam, what did you do? Did you do, I'm a real American?


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[Assistant] And uh, as? Yeah, so wait, I do want to get, can we check each other's birth certificates? I don't know if we've ever done that. Absolutely not. I think we've just assumed, and I want to see the hard copy.


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[Assistant] Should we take this time to go Hooters? We're here. We're here and we're family.


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[Assistant] Okay, so are we doing like lat pulldowns? Is this all bench? Is this just bench? Is this military press?


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[Assistant] You're, you want to talk movements. I'm already doing, is this dumbbells? Yeah. Uh, what do we, what do we?


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[Assistant] A lot of fun. Do people know Blake Anderson is also in this movie?


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[Assistant] We're all so busy. Uhm, no, but it's got amazing set pieces, you guys are super funny, and you're with some real icons. That shit's for Pierce Brosnan. Pretty fucking cool.


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[Assistant] I'm not trying to put anybody on the spot, but do you guys have Rooker movies that, like, when you see him, you're like, fuck, I, because I was, he's been in everything, right?


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[Assistant] But whenever I see- he's the guy who like loses it and is like, I'm fucking out and like quits or whatever. That's all I remember. But he likes-


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[Assistant] That's the one I recognize, and I've seen him in a trillion other things.


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[Assistant] I didn't see the shirt come off. I saw, like, the shots were happening and then I was like, okay, this, I just turn, uh, turn left here. But then...


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[Assistant] What happened? We've been to parties where people have tattoo artists, right? Is that just an LA thing or is this across the board?


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[Assistant] I didn't know he was such a workaholics fan, but he like let us know, or let me know, and I'm sure you've met him before.


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[Assistant] That's what I heard. They came up together. What's your- I have a theory about that, cause they seem like an odd couple, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but Richard Kind rocks, so you wanna be friends with him. And so does George Clooney. Well, that's what I think it is. I think that when they met, George was like, the handsome guy's like, I'm gonna hang out with you, and then George was like, this guy's super talented, so he's gonna hang out with him. You know what I mean? So they like, the ecosystem, they both got a little something, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I do love it. They're like, he gave his friends a million dollars because he was just stoked to be a friend. He's like, no, he needed to offload money for tax purposes and was like, you got the card.


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[Assistant] Would you leave us for a million dollars and a friendship with George Clooney?


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[Assistant] In Italy! I wanna be in Lake Como! He's gonna be like, no, it's gonna be like CNN.


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[Assistant] Yes, he was an actor back in the day, right?


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[Assistant] Yes, we do. The younger business guy, who like, who develops Robocop to go against Ed 209. Okay. He's one of my favorite actors. Right. Ever. Alright, of course, of course. He fucking slays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grant Heslov, I believe he was also like the bad guy in True Lies. He was like an actor in the 80s.


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[Assistant] Look, I know my, uh, toaster strudel idea didn't fly when you introduced me to Randy Gerber or whoever, but, uh, I got this new idea. It's called...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's sitting around, looking at each other, listening. Now you guys are hearing us talk about this and you're like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A vagina, and then like- What the c- What the cake comes out? A vagina? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, like they roll out like a butt on a table or like a little coochie on a table, right?


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[Assistant] It's actually one of Kyle's senses. It's like sight or smell for him.


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[Assistant] And did I just zone out? Who were the other two celebrities?


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[Assistant] I would love to watch. It's the same, it's the same of those, as those shows. It's just like, what's the place that has like the island that looks like a palm tree? Not Abu Dhabi. It's like fucking, uh. Dubai, right? Dubai. It's Dubai. It's called selling, I think it's called selling Dubai.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it used to be different kinds of, and now it's like, nope, it's the same everywhere thanks to Instagram. United Nations of douchebags.


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[Assistant] Dubai Hustle is what I'm seeing in Coase.


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[Assistant] So they're really fun to drink. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] The Margarita. It was a two night, I think it was, well maybe it was a three night mission. But the third night I was like, let's go.


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[Assistant] I won because I was with Dave King. Uh, Dave King for people listening was a right arm workaholics. He went to Harvard. He's a genius and knows basically just everything. It was crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was necessary twice. There were two things that people didn't know that I knew. I felt like, uh...


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[Assistant] Yes, so Adam, you are correct. I do not like to, like, be reconstructive or do things, uh, if I'm gonna be drinking a-


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[Assistant] Hot again? Wait who was the third person on your cake thing?


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[Assistant] And when does that air? And why does the promo not say, it just flashed Netflix, it didn't say cake, uh, is that a cake?


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[Assistant] And the clip is so small it doesn't even say, there's no point in the clip that says is it cake?


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[Assistant] Because they repeat, like in the edit part of the like style of the shows, they repeat people saying stuff all the time. So you're just reading the same subtitle constantly.


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[Assistant] I want him out of there, dude. I'm in. I'm in. He like moved to Korea and there's like a famous internet presence there. Uh huh. And I'm like, can I just move somewhere? But can I like the famous Hongdae?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I doing here? I feel like it.


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[Assistant] The two dudes who are in there, the last, are just not even there in their mind. They're just like, this isn't bothering me at all. I'm somewhere else right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so this person's like a gymnast. This person was like a wrestler, MMA fighter, fireman.


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[Assistant] You guys are just, you two are just connected at the hip, I tell ya.


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[Assistant] I got the book. I don't know if you guys had the book before the show came out. And then what else we got, Blakey?


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[Assistant] Well that's exciting and I'm sure Joe, I'm sure they talked and they all talked and it's...


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[Assistant] That they could just be there and they could perform on that is what I heard.


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[Assistant] Tune into Netflix. I'm not gonna tell you the name of the show though. Dude, that's a good-


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[Assistant] That's actually, don't just. Cause just to even out, just to even out. Yeah. Hey Blake, quarter inch, let's see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't you imagine that, that the, the, the, the one leg longer than the other has, has done some damage like over years and years of walking with one shorter than the other maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we tell Kyle not to go surfing? Kyle, don't go surfing. Don't go surfing. He's out in the ocean already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, at 39. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, man. Never 39 with a young family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, are we circling back to Corvette talk? Adam, I'm telling you, get the Corvette. They're gonna discontinue that engine. Okay. It's gonna be collectible, it's only gonna go up in value. Allegedly!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's got a V8. V8s are gonna be gone. It's gonna be a dinosaur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. That's cool. Who would you pick as your bouncer?


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[Assistant] I'm not gonna say them now, but I'm definitely saying those three magical words. Dude, I love my fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it looks real good on him. It's about that time. That's rare. And is it tighter than, did you buy it that size? Like, or not buy it? Were you giving it that size during workaholics? And you grew into it? Or did it shrink to your now more svelte physique? This is what it's always been.


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[Assistant] Exactly. It's not mesh at all. Mesh and crochet are way too different things. Mesh is like a football jersey. Crochet is something that my grandmother, Arvella, taught me and I'm actually pretty good at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can't call them wife beater. Now it's, now it's a domestic violence tang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's a domestic violence. Cause you know, the violence can come any which way. It doesn't need to be a wife. A wife can beat on husbands now. That is true. In fact, I've been watching a lot of pretty insane videos online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, then don't wear an undershirt! Then don't wear an undershirt! Dude, he's Mark, he's Mark Hoppus in our, and, and I'm Tom DeLong, and you guys are both Travis. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me five minutes with him, I'll find out. Not any visible that I remember. But I'm going to the show this weekend, which now, I guess we're recording this like two weeks earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, by the time this would've already been, uh, I would've already gone, but- You would've already have died in the pit. I'm going this weekend, and, uh, I will check Marcus- Mark Hoppus' entire body for possible- Marcus Hoppus. Definitely have him- I'll check his entire body for tattoos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, see Blake, you are that guy, you're already that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but if Blake, but dude if Blake does it, it's funny. It's funny if Blake does it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so white is neutral for you. I saw you getting in the cold plunge last week. Your torso. You're pretty white right now. You're maybe the whitest I've seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, I liked it. It's, it's, it's- That's kinda sexy though. I like it, it's natural. It's natural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Blake, Blake used to do a lot of tanning when we, back in the day. He was, he was the one out there, oiled up, sitting by the pool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For, uh, for being as old as we are. But you got so much sun there for a while, Blake. Remember when you tried to have like a tan-off? Who were you doing a tan-off with? With all of you guys. Wasn't it with you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then I don't want to look like it. You're always searching.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it ends, dude. It does end. Yeah, they're like, we have to cut your nose off today, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they ever, did they ever? There's not even a small part of me that thinks I could do that.


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[Assistant] And I know, like, you know, we don't think swimming is a real sport, but Durs is a collegian athlete, you know? It's true. Yes, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I, my collegian sport was hacky-sacking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please, dear god. Oh, currently owned?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brand of footbag popular in the 1970s, currently owned by Whammo. WHAMMO! Dude, I s-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well wait, it's, it was a South East Asian game, uh. Okay. Kicking the shuttlecock known as. Oh, so we're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, the Asian countries would kick our ass for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the, with the 32, the 32 panel bag. Mmm. The one that looks like a soccer ball? Or, or fewer. That looks like a little soccer ball, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the fuck outta here. I know we've covered, uh, Super Soakers before on the podcast, but I just got, I haven't received it yet, but I paid like $300 for this fucking, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like, it's like this much. A whoopwap.


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[Assistant] It's like a, it's like a my dick length of water. Like this thick, the size of a quarter thick or like a silver dollar and then that long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, I buy all kinds of shit off Instagram and now I have a closet of bullshit. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just kept repeating it because I don't know, that's just the name of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I got him off Instagram, so that's what I'm saying. I'm just like, I'll see shit. So is that your favorite thing? What's the best thing? Fuck it! I'll buy it. Uh, no, the best things are like the things I've got. Hang an egg. Fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, always dude. It heats your back, and then it also vibro- vibrate- vibrates dude. It's fucking- Vibrooooo. It's on real. That looks good. Just loosen me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also, it's by, uh, Hyperice. I got one, I got this from my back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Theragun does the Theraguns. Hyper-Ice does- Theragun, yea, but Hyper-Ice has their own gun. And then they have, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a dick puncher. It's a little dick puncher. Yeah, it's a dick puncher, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smasher? Uh, no, I've never done that. Because of Smasher? Dude, I would do that. Huh? I never did the Smasher. No, you already said I have. You already said I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This bro has five Theraguns. Well, I was given a couple of them, and then I was like, I wonder, I wonder if there's uh, uh, you know. You just said I like to buy shit and never tell me how to get it for free. I don't know what the truth is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh huh, yeah dude, just got that one.


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[Assistant] Well, I think you just don't work out all that often, Kyle. I think if you did more of a strength training regimen, I think you would be in, uh... Pliometrics. How are you warming up?


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[Assistant] An athlete? Yeah, I think you gotta do some strength training, yes. And I would start with a jump rope.


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[Assistant] So is Kyle, Blake, so is Kyle that good or he just talks about it enough that someone's like, well, we might sell some rockets.


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[Assistant] I'm just trying to gauge how good you are. If someone wants you to go pro, and you've never won a tournament, and you've never won like, why is that?


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[Assistant] I'm not doing that. Cause, I believe he's got, I bet, I-


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[Assistant] I believe he's got that natural ability, he's got that long, you know, check arms, you know.


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[Assistant] The d- the dink of it, for sure. Dude, as a guy who's never played, I'm the one person out of the four of us that has never played, I'm so lost right now.


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[Assistant] Guy, okay? Yeah, heck you second. Oh yeah, my bad, my bad, my bad. Come on, brother.


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[Assistant] WAMO! And just, yeah. Sure, that makes sense. So where is, uh, Kyle, where is Blake's skill level? Cause he just said you yelled at him a lot, you made him cry. Okie dokie. What was, what was that?


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[Assistant] So what time did you get home after playing pickleball all day and night? Dude, I think it was midnight. I think I got him. Cause San Clemente is not close to where you live. No. Very far.


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[Assistant] I mean, yeaah, for sure it was, but, uh, I had to go, I was going to Sonoma, I know


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[Assistant] I was going to Sonoma for this NASCAR event and with Chloe and it was supposed to be like a romantic getaway for us and I was so sick that the woman who was showing us her room were staying at this nice resort and she's like, uh, so how was the podcast last night? Uh, I'm a big fan, you know. Really?


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[Assistant] Super, super sweet, super sweet, uh, woman, and she's showing us her room, and uh, Mr. Levine? I was like, uh huh, uh huh, and I walk in, I took off my clothes, and just went to bed, as she showed.


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[Assistant] Well, dude, if we, if we're gonna, if the live show just became a, a commercial for Buzzballs, we all gotta get a check if, if it's gonna be a goddamn Buzzball commercial, you know?


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[Assistant] Well, let's talk a little bit about the live show. What'd you, what'd you guys think?


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[Assistant] What a fucking wild guest, guest host, uh, Kermit the Frog. That was crazy, dude.


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[Assistant] Dude, and I will say Kyle, that was not premeditated. I gave Ders a high five, I was just kinda thinking I'm gonna high five my homies, and then I, and then I just, the moment struck, and I just had to kiss those hairy


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[Assistant] Yeah, I do not know if I've ever kissed any of you guys to be perfectly honest.


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[Assistant] I know Blake, Blake all, he really wanted the triple kiss in the movie.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but like, dude, they need to play those! And they were like, true life? I triple kiss? What does that even mean?


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[Assistant] Hey, that's one of the many classic bits you'll never see because we're not doing the Workaholics movie. And that's why...


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[Assistant] It's, cause it's truly nuts. It's, it's like it was fully a thing and then we were the sort of last gasp of air. Because now if you have a show, even if it's the funniest show in the world, no one will see it.


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[Assistant] No, it has that show that, uh, that I think they ended up selling to, like, HBO Max, because, uh, the other two.


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[Assistant] It was a Comedy Central show, and then they- Oh, that show's very funny.


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[Assistant] Yeah, right, right. I think it was called, uh, Pallyfest or something.


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[Assistant] Well, what they, what Comedy Central used to do and what they, what they were so great at is they would take like kind of the next up people and then put them on blast. And then they can't afford them so they always go somewhere else after that.


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[Assistant] Dude, those are the perfect examples, cause I, every episode of Atlanta, I'm like, oh I really enjoy this. And then I just didn't watch the last two seasons, and same with Dave, I like really enjoyed the first season I saw, and then I just have not seen the next two.


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[Assistant] I was never a baby head, but he was, he was a mega star, so people-


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[Assistant] Well, I just, uh, I was in, I just did the NASCAR event in Sonoma with Chloe, all sick and shit, but, uh, I rallied for the NASCAR event, and I'm supposed to say, uh, drivers, start your engines.


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[Assistant] And, uh, they're like, they're like, yeah, so uh, are you excited to say those special words? And I was like, doing a live interview for NASCAR, like on Fox, and I go,


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[Assistant] Hey, hey guys, that's what I thought too. And, you know, uh, uh, Alan Covert, who works with Happy Madison, who was a grandma's, grandma's boy in Grandma's Boy, uh, he told me, he's like, have fun with it, watch the old Adam Sandler when Sandler would do it.


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[Assistant] I wasn't doing Sandler, that's what I'm saying. I thought you did Adam Devine. I was doing my own thing, but if we're saying if you're like in the past...


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[Assistant] Yeah, so people, people were like a little fired up that, uh, that I was mocking the, they're like, whatever happened to the classic driver, start your engines. And I'm like, well, but guys, don't invite me to do it. Yeah, exactly. Don't invite me to do it.


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[Assistant] Who's the guy they all are like? Shatner? Shatner. I'm sure, I'm sure people, they have people to do that and that's great. I just, I'm not gonna be that guy, pal. Actually, Shatner probably did his own thing.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but it was, it was super fun doing it and those NASCAR events.


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[Assistant] Uh, are always so fun, dude. Like, we've done, uh, the one out in Fontana before, but the one in Sonoma is, I had even more fun because it's a, it's a, uh, what do they call it? A road course. So it's not a just circle. It's on the streets.


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[Assistant] Dude, I, I don't, they, they have like Chevy makes engines, but, uh, I know that they can only go to like a certain horsepower, and then there's other little tweaks that you can do, but everybody has to have the same amount.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but this is the road course, so it's, like I just explained, it's not all left. There are people, they're taking rights, there's, yeah. Well, that is pretty cool. Now that-


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[Assistant] No, I saw Blake drive in the Demolition Derby. The guy was scared shitless, man. I, I, we, during- Yeaah, there's no way. That's way-


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[Assistant] I know that's crazy. I like the pain.


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[Assistant] Dude, they asked me to guess who's gonna win, and I don't know shit about stock car racing, but I was like, I guessed Kyle Busch, just cause I'm like 8 to my lucky number.


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[Assistant] Uh, well they're all, there's like five of them that are all kind of vying for who's the best. One of the guy. Being the guy.


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[Assistant] Right, sure. And I also would like a shout out for all the people that watched it on moment.com. That was really cool how many people showed up and were watching from home. So thank you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we gotta get that dialed in. You know, this is the first one, and we're gonna get better and better the more we do it, so hopefully we get out there. But, you know, that's all up to Isaac, and we know not to trust him, so.


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[Assistant] Big shout out to them. Yes, thank you for making that happen.


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[Assistant] Okay, yeah, so, uh, Outlaws comes out July 7th, guys, and you guys are all coming to the premiere, so thank you so much. I- I'm in. Dude, for sure. Appreciate it. Uhm, it's crushing the, the, the trailer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it- Oh. Echoing through the canyons. It hurts.


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[Assistant] Thank you. Oh, is concept X the biggest and boldest? We're giving these guys a huge shout out.


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[Assistant] I can't hear. Well, my ears are bad. My ears are really bad, so I have to turn it up. What do you mean? Well, cause you got all that hair in your ear, dude. What are you doing?


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[Assistant] Can I pivot a little bit and talk about bread bowls? Do you find bread bowls to be overrated or underrated? Underrated. Underrated! You mean bread bowls like clam chowder? Bread bowls like clam chowder in a bread bowl or chili in a bread bowl. What do you think? You said clit clam chowder.


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[Assistant] I really need to know how my guys feel about bread bowls because I've...


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[Assistant] Chowder, no. Chowder is definitely...


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[Assistant] I do like smacking bears. Have you never been to the fisherman's wharf and got a bread bowl of freaking clam chowder?


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[Assistant] What are you talking about? It's beautiful. It's a flirt. It's a flirt.


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[Assistant] What are you doing at the wharf if you're not getting a bread bowl? They're delicious.


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[Assistant] It very well could have been. You gotta tune in.


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[Assistant] I'll say New Tucker over here. Goodbye. We all should go to Alcatraz. I wanna do that with you guys really bad.


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[Assistant] I went when I was young and I don't think it quite resonated as to, uh, you know, what was happening.


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[Assistant] Oh, of course, dude. It's not a movie, it's real, dude. That's real.


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[Assistant] But why are you seeing- Why are you seeing vaginas and butt holes?


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[Assistant] There were a few, a few all-stars, but they were kinda...


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[Assistant] Did they breeze over it or were they like woah, like can we take it?


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[Assistant] If it, hey, if it's not spelled that way. Slide in Adam's DMs. The word is fucking wrong. Fuck that word. It should be.


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[Assistant] In the- wait, you just saw it- you saw it written in the subtitles of the pornos.


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[Assistant] I like to imagine- no, I like to imagine Ca- uh, Adam. Imagine me? Watch his porno-


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[Assistant] Dude. I'm a dumbass. Dude, we gotta-


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[Assistant] Yeah, that, that was my introduction to the, to that word.


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[Assistant] Does the word buke, bukake come from?


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[Assistant] What, is that a number two pencil or are you frontin'? Is that number two?


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[Assistant] Hey, but motherfucker, what pencil wasn't number two? What were the pencils that weren't number two pencils? Just on some shady shit?


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[Assistant] Did you guys have sick ass pencils in high school or junior high or elementary school?


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[Assistant] Yeah, you were a mechanical pencil dude for daaays. What the he-


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[Assistant] But the pen- the pencil sharpening was such a good like time out from doing work. Like getting up to sharpen your pencil.