[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I graduated high school 30 years ago. The Simpsons is on my video. Your book is one of the top shows. Oh yeah. They just come out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I remember thinking it wouldn't last cause I wasn't allowed to watch it. Yeah. Because Bart Simpson cuss and there never been a cartoon character did that. I was like, he was like defiant to his parents. Eat my shorts. That was yeah. Yeah. And I thought this won't last.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We watched the last dance and all those crowds and you think about it now. Yeah, I'm not saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I literally remember this when it happened. The show had peaked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're getting desperate and there's so many sitcoms in the 70s and 80s like this. I feel like TV shows are better now about getting off. But back then they would just ride them out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the whole gang goes for there for some vacation for some reason. And then somehow Fonzie gets challenged and he has to jump a shark on water skis. And they're all like, Fonzie don't do it. It's so dangerous. But it was just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because I was so small, I thought it was really, really cool, but, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, despite sporting events, there's not that many live events that we all experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of the few on this list I did not, did not remember singing, but that happened live. Can you imagine that? I did not know that happened live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of my friends that in middle Tennessee, we all had similar experience. We were out for a snow day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was at my aunt and uncle's house playing with my cousin and my aunt called me and said, come in here and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Death on the wire. Your friend told me that while I was watching it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we were, uh, I was in the middle of watching it and we were at Zany's one night after a show and it was your buddy. And he was like, we were talking about the 11th wife and he's like, man, when Omar died, that kid killed him. And I was like, I hadn't got there yet. Yeah. Yeah. You were, you were standing there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That really helped Jay Leno in the ratings I think. I feel like I've heard that kind of helped him jump past Letterman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Okay. But more than that, he had a show previously that was pretty successful on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a small fraction of the 120 million or so homes with TV, but also a lot more than a typical political poll that surveys just a couple thousand people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Nielsen's kind of like the standard rating system. I think there are some other ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never did, I wasn't, I couldn't for almost 20 years because I worked at a TV station so it wasn't allowed. Oh, okay. Uhm, or my family wasn't allowed either because, because that was, you know. Biased. Yeaah. But uhm, I certainly have known of people that have had it. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nielsen uses a LivePlus service where, uhm, according to this, it tracks three major categories, LivePlus same day, LivePlus 3, and LivePlus 7.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if there was a big TV finale and the next day they had the ratings, that probably wouldn't be super accurate because they haven't factored in DVRs yet. Football games, sporting events is probably accurate because most people watch that live. Not many people DVR in a football game to watch a week later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, there is some delay now because so many people watch shows on DVRs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it just got, uh, I think Laura shortened it maybe, because I had every year, uh, just American Idol, American Idol, American Idol, and I think maybe she shortened it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're asking John if he knows a show that's on right now, so. What was that? CSI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found interesting, I mean, you, Emmy Awards, the Golden Globes, it's usually all won by...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either streaming shows now or paper or, uh, you know, like HBO Showtime. All the top rated shows though are still on networks. Yeah. ABC, NBC, CBS. Interesting. Right. Or Fox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, from what I remember in my TV days, writing is the, uh, total number of TVs that are, uh, showing the episode. Share is the total number of TVs that are on that are watching that episode. Does that make sense? Like, if you have, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, 77% of all TVs are turned on, watching that. And 60% of all TVs, period, were watching the mash vanilla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, yeah, basically, uh, I think I saw less. That was 106 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TVs at that time. No, no, no. It was more than that. I think a hundred, over a hundred million people watched the MASH finale. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we like Super Bowl and all that stuff that, yeah. Super Bowl is now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get around 100 million viewers, but that was- But it's still not as high as this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's, uh, I mean, the Friday night block was big for me and my family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on CBS. On where? On CBS. I can tell you, any show in the 80s, I can tell you what network it was on. Cause I only had three channels. I didn't have cable until I got to college. So. So George consensus, spelling everybody's name. Yeah. Yeah. That's my thing. So Incredible Hulk came on Friday nights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 7 to 8. I was big into that. Then the Dukes of Hazzard from 8 to 9. Followed it. And me and my dad love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Captain Kangaroo or something like that. I mean, if you're talking about Prime, for me, it'd probably still be Dukes of Hazzard, like that I watched every week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's such a different way to say it right there, cause you know what, is it on somewhere?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's your favorite drama? I mean, I think you've already enabled Sopranos, Breaking Bad, The Wire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I've tried watching Fleabag, which is like the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming right now and just couldn't get into it and some of it was because of the accidents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I'll quickly explain each one. Uh, Boo's Cruise, that's an early one. I just really like it because, uhm, it's very funny. That's when Roy and Pam get engaged. Jim's very upset. He breaks up with Amy Adams' character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Michael tells everyone the ship is sinking and gets tied to the ship rails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I love the ending because I love the episodes where Michael, who's dumb, but he has a big heart and he ends up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jim's all down cause Pam's engaged and Michael says something that encourages him to don't give up and keep trying. It's a very sweet scene, I think. I just always liked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and then I'll go quicker. Uh, business school, uh, which I know we both like that. You talk about that a little bit and, uh, and dinner party, which is a lot of people's favorites, but I love it. It's so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the British version so much of The Office that when the American first started, it took me a little time to get used to the characters because I love the other character so much. But then, but then it became great itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wrote two of my favorite, I'm looking at season three here, which is my favorite season. But if you look at the writers there on the screen, Grant Forster wrote the merger and, uh, business school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Season three begins with the merger and, I mean, not totally began, but that's all in there. It ends with, with Jim asking Pam, uh, on that date. Product recall is so funny when he holds that press conference and it goes, goes bad. We don't want your business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just, uh, Ruth's never seen it and we just started watching it this past weekend and, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's my wife. That's a call back to the comments. First of all, she just finished the office and she works for a paper company. That's, that's unbelievable. That's kind of crazy. And so now we're watching Seinfeld and we watched the Seinfeld Chronicles. Kramer is called Kessler. In episode two or three, Jerry's dad's a different person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the pilot list, in the opening credits, Jerry Seinfeld, uh, Michael Richards, uh, Jason Alexander, and Val somebody, I think. It's, of course, Julie Louis-Dreyfus wasn't in it, and the waitress was supposed to have been the fourth character. And then I saw him,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where Larry David and Jerry Sanford said, I just don't think they'd be hanging out with a waitress that often. So they changed the character. Yeah. Think about that poor woman. She was in the pile. Think about the dance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's in, uh, yeah, that's funny. And he's a standup comic. You've worked with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just read it was like season one was only like four or five episodes. It was like season two, maybe the third episode in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've talked about, we've, like, which character we most identify with and I don't know if you guys...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, but for you, it's a lot Jerry, because getting annoyed with little things that other people don't really notice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of Kramer though, cause he's always got some new like, I'll be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to try to do this. He's like, Oh no, you don't need to do this diet. You need to do. He's got some crazy diet or some, some new product that you got to try. So there's a lot of your mix between Jerry and Kramer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I got, uh, I want to mention some honorable mentions here. Yeah. Uh, the boyfriend, that's Keith Hernandez. Yeah. The Hamptons, uh, puffy shirt, kiss hello, the marble rye, the Jimmy, the chicken roaster, chicken roaster. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I got the soup nazi, because I feel like all the storylines are very funny with armoire and all that. The little kicks, which we've already talked about, and the pool guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's Ramon, the pool guy that hangs out with Jerry and that's the world's colliding with George and Susan. It's so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, Elaine, Elaine has told her date won't be making it because he's been stagged. Yes, that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you asked me to look up the most watched TV events in world history. Yes. Uh, number one, the 1996 Olympics opening ceremonies where Muhammad Ali lit the torch. 3.6 billion people watched it worldwide. A lot of them were Olympics or world cups and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, YouTube, well the one thing that we looked up was the thing you mentioned either, that LOL tournament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it had over, well, I mean, we've talked about that before in the sports episode. It had more viewers. It had a hundred million viewers in 2019. The Super Bowl had 98 million viewers. It was the most watched. Uhm, there's a, there's a video, music video. I already forgot what Charlie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got seven billion views. It's the most viewed on YouTube. Seven billion, seven billion. Yeah. Seven billion, almost eight, I think. Yeah. Is it really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I read a little bit about it. It's, I think it's just a promotional thing. It's like three days in September. You have to live in Bend, Oregon or that county because of COVID, um, to qualify. And they're charging you like $3.99 a night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. And you, and you get, it's $3.99. Yeah. Just like the rentals. No, no, I'm serious. It really, it's just like a promotional thing. Oh, it's real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like 90's decor they've got. Okay. And I think you just sit back and watch movies all weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good point. I still feel like you're gonna need a getaway driver, and that's still me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, first of all, if it's done right, mastermind, I'm still back on this. We won't have to hurry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, last week I had a red face and a few people commented on it. It's one of those where you're like, I feel insecure about it. I'm sure telling myself no one else will notice, but they did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll see it on a future episode because we recorded two last week, so it'll be back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you stop dairy and gluten? No, I think it's, uh, I mean, he might be onto something. Somebody else suggested something else. I got a lot of medical advice this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I looked that up, I don't remember what you said about Hitman, but the Santa Claus, I guess the plot is Santa gets injured, Tim Allen gets the suit, and the clause is he has to do Santa's duties while he's wearing that suit. Was that something similar to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Nate's probably right about the red nose thing. It was a distraction to him. I think it's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you didn't think about just not getting married during college football season?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, I got married at, for the first time at age 48. Little bit different route than you. At 48?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so did some research. This is from 2018. It reached historic lows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Only about half of Americans are married now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Down from 72% in 1960, according to census data.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did we do it? Did we get mail? I mean I did mine back in March. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember thinking when I was in college, like 28's when I think I want to get married, cause...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think so. I think it's just going down. I think more and more people are just like, yeah, we can just live together and you know, so I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think maybe they're saying there was a time where women didn't work, they didn't have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something mentally about $20 that I feel like you just feel like it's a little bit more. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I admit it at 48 and just having my own money the whole time. It's a little still strange now where like we just moved and I sold all my furniture. She sold it and then she just kept it, the money for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, which of course is fine, but I do, I think about it like, it's just getting used to like. So, but she's put it in y'alls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I took her car to get the oil changed and they had found some major problems and we talked about on the phone and she's, and we're like, she's like, all right, let's just go ahead and do it. So it's a lot of money and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course I paid for it. But again, it just, for a second you're like, wait a second. Why am I paying for this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say, I mean, I said that I could see myself getting married at 28 and in the twenties and thirties, it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a lot of frustrations, but by my 40s, I was content. If I never got married, I was fine. Yeah. Uh, you know, it's some people aren't made for marriage and I was fine. I was in a good place, but then I did get married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people don't want to. I mean, I wanted to obviously, but I was fine with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think it's insensitive when I hear a lot of parents say, we had a boy or a girl and then we were trying for the opposite and it didn't happen. So we kept going. Is it insensitive that, that middle child that, that you're like, oh, we were trying to have a girl, but we had another boy. So we had to do another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so I did some research on the history of marriage, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Years ago, they found the first marriage. Well, it's the oldest evidence that they found. Uh, it says for a thousand years before that, most anthropologists believe families just consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people with several male leaders, multiple women shared by them and children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As hunter gatherers settle down, society has a need for more stable arrangements.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 BC in Mesopotamia. And then over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans, but back then marriage had a little to do with love or with religion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To a lot of degree in safety and I mean, even farmers a hundred years ago, maybe even now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having kids to tend the farm is an important thing. Yeah. Yeah. You generate your own help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then religion eventually came and got involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was, of course, it was mentioned in the Bible and, uh, but then they, uh, when the Roman Catholic Church spread throughout Europe, the blessing of a priest became a necessary step for a marriage to be legally recognized. By the eighth century, marriage was widely accepted in the Catholic Church as a sacrament, sacrament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or a ceremony to bestow God's grace. Go read the next one. So that's a love still not in the picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So I said for much of human history, couples were brought together for practical reasons, not because they fell in love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In time, of course, many marriage partners came to feel deep mutual love and devotion, but the idea of romantic love as a motivating force for marriage only goes as far back as the Middle Ages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I looked that up, it was roughly from like 500 to 1500.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like the Roman Empire was ruling the world up until then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now it's kind of crumbled and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like 1500, so that's 500 years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the Gatlin gun? Wait, that said 1364.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was going to say 100 years ago today, women got the right to vote. And that said that. It's a great one. He Adams joke. He goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because women are now not treated as property. They got a voice. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it said that, uh, that's pretty universal since marriage has been around. Custom can be dated back to the ancient Romans. It's believed that the roundness of the ring represents eternity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was once thought that a vein or nerve ran directly from the ring finger of the left hand to the heart. Which I've heard that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get rid of it. Uh, I got married in January and then we went on the road immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Afterwards, the following weekend and we were on the tour bus. I was going to bed in the bunk. I took my ring off because I don't seem as I don't like to sleep in it. Put it in my shorts pocket, wake up the next morning. First thing I do reach in my shorts pocket is gone. It's not there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, alright, somehow my pockets had kinda bunched up or something and fell out. So I started feeling around and first you're just feeling around in the dark. Can't find it. Then I eventually turned some lights on, get up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't find it. Finally, I have to get like the bus driver. We have to tear the bus apart. Still can't find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now I'm freaking out. Like I'm in tears. I'm like, I cannot believe I lost my wedding ring a week into marriage. And like I was just freaking out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And eventually I'm like, alright, let me just try it one more time. And I had a hole in my pocket and it had fallen all the way down the lining of the shorts and it was down at the very bottom. I could finally feel it down there. Wow. And I was so relieved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was way down the lining, they're very thin and it was kind of just in the lining of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. I was relieved. It was almost like worth it. Cause I felt so happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I always heard if you want to know if someone's too young to date, half your age plus seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it works until you maybe get in your forties. I think it works pretty good. Well, cause by then I think it's. Yeah. The gap's too big. The gap's too big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's pushing a little bit, but, but in his case, I think that's just fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Yeah. Yeah. But for me, it'd be 31. That's a little bit of a stretch. And for this guy. For you or for her?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I couldn't find a lot on it, but I think when they got engaged, she was still living with her parents, of course. Her parents like, no, we're moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they didn't, they weren't together the whole time? No, you read it right, but I think it's misleading now that I think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in fairness to them, they're not claiming it, I think. Probably just the Guinness World Records.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a comic that's got a very, I forgot his name, but he's got a very funny joke about, you often hear about these couples that have been married for 65 years and then as soon as one of them dies...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other one will die right after him. He's like, could you smash that guy? He's finally got a break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he gets up there and like two days later, he's like, Marge, are you killing me? You kidding me here? Like I just wanted to hang out with my buddies for a while. It's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there was this cu- this couple in Tampa in 2012. They couldn't pay their bills. They had a gambling problem, so they decided to start robbing banks. He worked at the post office. She worked at a bank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their first heist occurred just 10 days before she gave birth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all together they robbed 15 banks across Florida and Alabama. And then when she went back to work, the robbery slowed. Though two more happened on days she caught in sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he did the bulk of the work, they said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He put on a wig, hat, sunglass disguise, and, uh, she was responsible for helping stake out potential targets, writing the demand notes, and driving the getaway car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While the crime was seemingly driven for financial needs, the couple also embraced the romance of it. They found a note that she wrote to her husband, which referred to them as Bonnie and Clyde.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he's still in and I think she served her time. It's so interesting. Why don't they have the same sentence? Because I think he's the one that was actually going in and doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a couple that's been together a long time, like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. They never married, but they've been partners for 30 something years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't clear. Are you saying though it's harder for when they're both celebrities?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? I wanted to ask, so your future wife is in the comedy industry. Do you, is there any conflict there? Like does she, she's on another side of it. Right. Do you guys ever like disagree about stuff because you see it from one way, she sees it another?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think. And the djorknas. The djorknas. You should just go listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just watch it as you go, go, go, go, go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the thing, you think about all the people that went to go visit their loved ones, having no idea that their graves were even disturbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to be in that house and then to go back to that police station and sit down with him and talk to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he just go home after babysitting and do that? Also, what the fuck possesses another human being to make a skin suit and walk around in it? Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well and I think, I definitely think part of it is what you're exposed to or what you expose yourself to. For sure. And I think, and this is just my opinion, I think those magazines that he was reading. Oh, they fed whatever this darkness was. A hundred percent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you'd also be terrified, you'd be like, like obviously anybody who murders somebody is a monster, but Ed Gein goes so far beyond monster. In a completely like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't comprehend him. No, and I keep saying there's just no words. It's indescribable what he did and how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And obviously, like, you don't want it to benefit the defense because, like, you don't- I don't think there's any chance that this guy would've walked, he just would've gotten to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, you also think about that and you're like, is that why you did that? Well that's the thing, I'm like, that's pretty diabolical. And like you have those...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they're just in each other's presence. Yeah. I'm like, but you're at his house, so like are you wrong? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're interpreting so much from that woman just being at his fucking house. Yeah. You're at his house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Truly, like I see what you're saying and I definitely think that could be it because I haven't had that experience. But I fucking wonder if that guy just didn't like the smell of clean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially with a lack of understanding of mental health and everything that goes along with it, especially during that time, I would also be upset. Like you have to consider the fact that these people are not necessarily well educated and don't have all the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you do, I mean as a citizen of that town and seeing him your whole life and letting him babysit your kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just get to be content after you killed two? Question mark, question mark people. So you know what? Super not though. And I'm saying like question mark, question mark two.


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[Assistant] Wow. No. I mean, I guess when you think about it, like I was just so annoyed that he got to like read books and watch TV. Yeah, of course.


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[Assistant] You can also do those things in prison. That's true. I thought that to myself. I was like, really, what's the difference? It's true.


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[Assistant] Oh my god! Yeah, so that's the Ed Gein case. Well, I'll be coming at you next with something pretty morbid.


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[Assistant] What's up everybody? This is Nate Bargatzee, the Nate-Lan Podcast. Uh, I'm here. As always, I introduce Aaron Weber, right there, Brian Bates at the end of the table. I think that's, I think that's, you know.


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[Assistant] I introduced myself. I think someone said that. Yep. That lady were like, well, who are you?


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[Assistant] Well, say you made it here. Who are you? I don't know. I said it. I said I'm Nate Bargetti. That was the first thing I said. Oh, sorry. I was zoned out.


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[Assistant] Uh, thanks for, uh, listening again. Uh, we love all of you. Everybody's been super nice and supportive and, uh, you know, as we figure this whole podcast thing out, we've had a lot of people reach out. I mean, just super nice. Uh, and we've, I mean, it's been awesome. The comments have been great.


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[Assistant] Brian's been talking to a lot of you. Too many. Too many. He gets, that's what they said too.


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[Assistant] Uh, we're gonna, as, uh, as usual, I don't know if it's as usual, we just did it last week, but we're gonna read some comments from the last week's episode. Uh, just some questions, uh, I got, we're gonna, uh,


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[Assistant] Also, someone asked, uh, in response to Nate talking about wearing rubber bands, uh, and more than one pair of shorts.


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[Assistant] Definitely did the rubber bands growing up. This guy, uh, my brother would use the bands that keep asparagus bundles together. I did have a friend who wore two pairs of shorts at the same time, but it was because he was, his top layer didn't have pockets.


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[Assistant] All these people that wore these two shorts have to be my age. I mean, there's no way they're not.


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[Assistant] Uh, I bet everybody that wore them has to be my age. Class of 97, high school, like there's no way they're not. You can always tell when someone's like your age and they're like, I do that. You know what I thought of? I actually might think of this as a joke in my act. So.


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[Assistant] And uh, you know, I'm sure that happens a lot with podcasts. You do stuff and then get in your act. So just be aware of it.


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[Assistant] The older I get, the more I, when I see someone, I'll like meet them and I'll talk to them and I'm like, oh yeaah man. I'm like, uh, how are you?


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[Assistant] And I, I mean, dude, I think they're going to say 50 and they say like 38 and I'm 40, like I'm three years older and it happens all the time. And I mean, it's people that I'm like, dude, how old do I look? Because this guy looks like he's 60.


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[Assistant] You just, it's like you, you know, obviously you can't see yourself, so you just, in your brain, you think, well I'm, everybody's older than me, cause you're 20, everybody's older than you.


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[Assistant] There's times with someone where I'm like, I wanna be like, could you call your dad and could I hang out with him? Like I will get along with him more than I will. Uh, alright. Maybe that won't go in the act. I don't know.


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[Assistant] Uh, it's like finding wood. You find old wood laying out. You're like, I could do some of this. I don't know. Uh, I said Jamie from Progressive was jacked. Someone looked up Jamie from Progressive. I think Nate's definition of jacked is a bit different than most people's.


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[Assistant] I thought he was like, swole. I thought he looked like he was strong. He looked good, dude. He looked strong. Yeah. Like a strong guy. Uh, I bet Jamie would fight this guy.


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[Assistant] You know, Michael Scott in the office, uh, they, he was very in shape and I knew


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[Assistant] His muscles, like his pecs are just gigantic.


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[Assistant] I mean the Office, I think, Office was out the gate pretty good. It's not like Seinfeld, like Seinfeld was, you know, I just listened to Seinfeld talk about it, like it was like four seasons and they were just barely hanging on.


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[Assistant] But someone liked it and they're like, keep plugging along. But he, they, they, and they said Ted Danson, uh, retired and then they got Thursday night.


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[Assistant] And then that's when Seinfeld just went and shot up. Uh, but for the office, I think, cause it did good. The British office did good. And so the office kind of came out the gate and I felt like it was like a good show, right? Oh, I thought you said it took off between one and two.


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[Assistant] No, I'm saying from the beginning, it wasn't like Seinfeld where it's like four seasons of them being like, are we going to get canceled? I think the office was kind of.


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[Assistant] Like you can tell, you know, where Seinfeld was doing a show where he was, I don't know, I don't know if it's going to happen, you know.


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[Assistant] What's so weird? I've done three of those strangers movie and I just kept stopping. That makes so much sense. That comment. Good for you. That's a huge help. Cause I, I would have just accepted that. That's what, that's what's happening. You know, when you just accept something where you're like,


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[Assistant] It would come, uh, I mean, it would like, at first it would go black and I just was like, alright, uh, it just, I thought something was wrong with my internet. And then I one time left and came back and it was back on and I was like, oh, maybe I just gotta wait it out. None of this ever clicked in my head.


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[Assistant] If you can get YouTube with no ads, people should do that. It's, I, you know, cause you can, I got it through, uh, my buddy, Dan Shackey, a comic, uh, he got it and he's allowed to give it to like five people. And so I'm one of his five people, but it's, so you can do it like that, but the YouTube no ads is amazing.


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[Assistant] Amazing. Speaking of ads, no, we don't have an ad, but we will hopefully have ads. So, uh, but it's, yeah, it's, it's unbelievable. You, you, you, when, when you get it with no ads, you like forget that you're like, dude, this is so much better. Not having to sit. People just get used to waiting for ads though. So they're fine with it.


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[Assistant] In response to the triplets all smoking the same brand of cigarettes, uh, someone said, I love this conversation, but brand of cigarettes is definitely a bigger deal among smokers, more so than you might think as a nonsmoker. I have these close friends who all smoke different cigarettes. It's more interesting than it sounds.


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[Assistant] So just being like, people like talking about like what kind of brands, like are you a camel guy? You're a marble guy. I think that fits in the, I'm a diet Pepsi person.


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[Assistant] But I can do Diet Coke and do, people don't like Diet Pepsi though. For some reason, my family, we've always done Diet Pepsi. Yeah. Uh, but that's a big one. My buddy's a Coke Zero guy. I'm not a big fan of Coke Zero.


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[Assistant] I, I would, if I, if you could do, if I could do like something, I would smoke cigarettes. Like if you, if it was like, hey, it's fine. I like it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, turns out guys, they were right in the fifties when doctors were saying smoke.


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[Assistant] Like, that, yeaah. I, I just think I like...


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[Assistant] I, you know, again, this could be the older, you just missed some older stuff, seen older stuff. I mean, you'd see smoking cigarettes on TV everywhere. On planes and stuff. Oh, yeaah, I never saw a plane, but Bates probably did.


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[Assistant] I mean dude, I loved how like, just smoking was, I mean walking in an office building, it just wasn't like, you know, it's some, there's something, I think growing up in that era where smoking was,


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[Assistant] I mean, cool, like doctors, I think with smoking commercials or something. It was, I mean, they were for it. They encouraged it. They would, the doctor would look at your chart and go, have you thought about smoking? I mean, that's, I, you know, and I get the health risk, but.


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[Assistant] They had some fun back there, man. Uh, all right, almost done. In response to Brian saying some twin athletes have different degrees of success, bailing out Brian with twins, Jose and Ozzy Kinseko. Thank you. Thank you. So they had wildly different.


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[Assistant] He like told, he's the one that told everybody. Yea, nobody believed him. No one believed him, yea. But, you know, it's, that's weird to think, are you, like, are you fine with him saying it? Like, you know, like Jose, like, are you...


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[Assistant] Cause there's a weird thing with like whistleblowers, kinda, where people get mad at whistleblowers, which is really unfair. Cause it's everybody wants to know that rules are not getting broken, and then a guy does do it, and then everybody's like, why did you say something? But I get it with, with that.


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[Assistant] If you're doing it and taking all these steroids, why do you like on the way out the door? Like I think it's how you do it. If you're like, Jose's career is kind of going down and then he's like, by the way, everybody's doing steroids.


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[Assistant] Yeah, not a bad game. Likes to golf, you know? Once you get over that part of it. Uh, the last, uh, response to Nate's orange hands. My, I don't think they're orange. I think my tan and I think the lighting. I got a bunch of responses.


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[Assistant] I, we keep it very cold up here, like David Letterman's studio, uh, for the laughs. You can see, you need to get a little bit colder. Uh.


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[Assistant] I and then I called him, like when we tape, we, we do this, uh, 11 AM. I mean, I have not been up for long. Like I'm not a, I don't get up at 6 AM, 8 AM. Like, I mean, I, I'm up as they get here sometimes. So you're the most


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[Assistant] Well today I worked out. I don't always work out. Today was the first day. I'm not wearing a- I think it looks better too to not.


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[Assistant] Him and Jamie, they go, Jay, could you guys put some jackets on? I, I like wearing...


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[Assistant] Uh, long sleeve. We keep it cold up here. It's not crazy to wear this during the day. We're not doing it out in the sun. I'm in a normal place. I'd like to be left alone.


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[Assistant] They get it. No, but normally I do wake up today. I did work out. I'm trying to work out. Uh, but then normally I do wake up. People don't like, sometimes you're, I'm talking to someone and I've been awake for 20 minutes, dead sleep.


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[Assistant] It's a 20, like, you know, I woke up at like 10, 10, 15 and we do this at 11. Now I go to bed til 2. So that's, I always get that, people always.


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[Assistant] I'm not an early, I don't get up early. I'm starting to get up a little bit earlier, but like, I don't get up early, but I don't go to bed till, I sleep eight hours usually. It'll be eight or less, but I'll go to bed last night. I went to bed like two something because I finished, uh,


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[Assistant] Mission impossible to fall out. And it's, it's a good one, man. It's really good. I haven't seen it. It's great.


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[Assistant] It's really great. And so I watched that and, but yeah, that's the comics lifestyles. We, we have very, there's no schedule. We don't really have a routine. It's very hard for us to get into a routine. That's why working out and eating good is extremely hard because you're just always kind of, especially when you're touring, your times are always messed up.


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[Assistant] You know, and then you can't go to sleep. That's what I, you know, like the Bulls documentary they did. They were like, say they were taking naps during the day. Cause they, cause they're, they have to be at their peak performance at 10 PM. Imagine playing a full basketball game at 10 PM. You know?


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[Assistant] I like this one. Last one. Oh, where are you going?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I do now. I like to go to bed at one. I would love to get it down to midnight.


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[Assistant] If I could get it to midnight, go to bed at midnight, it'd be terrific. Yeah. But I like to one would be great. Uh, have you ever seen the sunset or you already sleep always? Anyway, uh, it's pretty good. Do you go to bed late? I mean, I watch the local news. Uh,


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[Assistant] Everybody, welcome my Aunt Patty to the show. That's a Gary Veeder joke. Aunt Patty. Very funny comedian, Gary.


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[Assistant] They'll tease it for quite a while. It's pretty crazy for them to tease it and you're like, y'all know I can just look this up in two seconds, but they know you won't.


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[Assistant] So that drives a lot of the views, the weather, huh? Yeah. But that's had to hurt a ton with phones and I'm sure. Yeah. But it is something great about waiting.


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[Assistant] You know, it is like, I've seen, uh, I've like had the- Should try commercials.


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[Assistant] I've seen the news, when I've seen like local news on and then they always kind of break up the weather. And you are, like there is a little bit that you're like...


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[Assistant] Last one, love Nate, love the podcast. Haven't been a podcast listener until now. Welcome. Uh, downloaded all three episodes while traveling recently. So fun. Sad to miss seeing Nate live, but this has been a good substitute.


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[Assistant] They don't sleep in there, they make it them homes!


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[Assistant] No, I, I've never, you know, I've, we've had, we had, uh, our old neighborhood, uh, they, someone did our whole street.


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[Assistant] And they came, like that seems to happen where they just come down. We, and we were, we parked in the garage and anybody that wasn't parked in the garage, every car got broken into and they just came. And I'm always up, you know, we're talking about being up late. Like I always take a gander out, see what's going on.


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[Assistant] They did it at like four. No one goes out at like two. You know, if they did two, I got it. But, I don't know what I'm gonna do.


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[Assistant] Maybe I don't, maybe I go to bed at four. You know, you never know. Uh, you also got stabbed in the neck during this.


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[Assistant] I do. I used to not, but I can't even think of ideas anymore. It's just, I don't like telling them. I try not to say anything. Right.


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[Assistant] I love them, listening to this story, so I, uh, did, like, were they, either they know you or they ask you if you're a comedian. I had it at my high school, uh,


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[Assistant] My high school in Nashville, Donaldson Christian Academy, we went to it and


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[Assistant] They, my only alumni, so I do, uh, we do a golf tournament. It's become the Nate Barghetti Golf Tournament. It wasn't, and then now it's just become that.


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[Assistant] And so, uh, did we just, we did it a few months ago. Have I not told this story on here? No. Uh, so we did it a few months ago and, uh, I'm sitting there taking a picture with, I would go around, I just kind of went around, talked to everybody.


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[Assistant] With the guy that's a fan of my comedy thing that I'm doing.


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[Assistant] And he goes, you still doing it? I was like, yeah, just plugging along, man, doing whatever I can. And he's like, that's good, man. All right, good to hear. I mean, he, if I was like, nah, it didn't work out, we're construction now. He'd be like, all right, that's cool. Yeah, man. Well, at least you gave it a go, you know, chase your dream. That's more than most, you know? I mean, that's what the other route he would have gone.


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[Assistant] We're talking about getting recognized, like what's the, you recognizing?


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[Assistant] We were sitting far away. I couldn't see much. Well, I recognize her.


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[Assistant] That's so far. That's so great. Come to the shows. Brian will recognize you out. You want to feel like a celebrity. Brian goes out, hey, fourth row, kind of in the middle.


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[Assistant] All right. So this episode, uh, I feel like we've already been doing two hours, but this episode we're, uh, we're going to dive into sports. Sports are back. Uh, baseball's back. Golf is back. Golf has been terrific.


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[Assistant] If you've watched any of that, been, uh, very just exciting rounds. I know people don't care about golf always, but it's very fun, very dramatic. People should care about golf. Golf's a very, it's a, especially watch a tournament.


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[Assistant] I mean, it, it, it, it's like a soap opera. It's like you just watch.


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[Assistant] And it's, and then he loses the lead and then you watch him like kind of fall apart like, and then another guy gets on hot and then rises up and it's, I mean it's unreal dude, some of the majors.


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[Assistant] They've seen Rory, Rory McRoy lost in the Masters. It was, he, you watched, he was a kid. He was, I think 19 or something and he crumbled. And it, I mean, it's the one, yeah, I watched it. He hit a ball so far out of, like up in the woods.


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[Assistant] That now they have a sign up there, I think, that says this is, no one can believe that the ball got up that far. And you see him and he does it, he just like leans on his, I mean your heart breaks, it's just this, it's a kid, it's a kid and he just, and he lost the tournament. Jordan Spieth had the same thing happen to him.


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[Assistant] It's very, I mean, it's just how dramatic it is is unbelievable. I know it's very slow, but I get the idea of that. Uh, but we're all enormous fans of sports, so we want to talk about sports and, uh,


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[Assistant] I say us and we for Vandy. And I would, you know, Titans probably too.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Regis is amazing. Dude was on TV. You could say, I mean, almost as much as his regular life. Well, he had the world record for.


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[Assistant] I, I do get it. I don't, I don't ever care about it that much. I just want you to be a fan of the team. Ryan played for the Steelers though. Yea.


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[Assistant] Oh, I thought that's why he was a fan. No, I was a Redskins fan because I played for the Donaldson Warriors and we had a Redskins helmet.


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[Assistant] But they, but I think if you're, if you're a big fan and you're, you love the team, I, my problem with, like I always, I don't like when people are like kind of like loose fans.


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[Assistant] And I remember, like, Vandy lost, and like, when we lost to MTSU, uh, one year, then someone like...


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[Assistant] Does not care about him tissue, but they went to him tissue and then they call to like, you know, they're like, ah, we beat you. And you're like.


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[Assistant] And you're like, hey, my whole life is this vanity team, so maybe...


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[Assistant] You don't even, you don't know who the coach is at Amtest. You've never been to a game, even though you went there. Like maybe back off, like this is my whole world is Vanderbilt sports, are Titans, you know, now Titans. And so I think that's when you can say,


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[Assistant] Wee. I don't, I feel like I say it more vanity than I do with the Titans.


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[Assistant] But if someone's, like, it's like if someone's like, uh, how's Alabama gonna do this year? Like, ah, we're gonna be, I think, pretty good. Like, you say it like that, like, some of it too is just the way you talk. Like, it's not...


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[Assistant] You know, you just say something the way it is. I don't think it's, it's, you know, like you're making some crazy big statement, but I mean, you know, the guy that went and


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[Assistant] And then if you don't know, there's a big famous tree in Auburn that they roll the toilet paper on. Tumor's Corner. Yeah, Tumor's Corner. Uh, I saw it after it was poisoned, but it was still there and they were like, it's got two years left. Like it doesn't die, you know. It's a long game for that guy. Uh, and that guy couldn't wait. He told me immediately.


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[Assistant] Oh, he had two years, two years before it like goes away. And he'd called the local sports show. Finebomb. Oh, Finebomb. Oh, not local.


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[Assistant] Hockey's still so new, like I'm, I am a Predators fan, but it's not like it's football. So it's not the same thing. So I do want the town to embrace it. I do like when the town gets behind the team. I understand why they do that.


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[Assistant] I went to the Stanley Cup finals when it was here. I mean, how crazy is it during those final runs? I got very annoyed that they just kind of like ESPN, I was beef, I was livin'. ESPN would not, they kept being like, is Nashville even a hockey town? And dude, it was,


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[Assistant] It was cheaper to fly to Pittsburgh and buy a ticket and a hotel than it was to stay home and buy a ticket to...


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, we are fans. Uh, so I, you know, but yeah, but with hockey.


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, it's like, I mean, there's guys that are way into hockey, but like I'm way more into football, but I would with the predators. I don't know if I've ever said we Vanderbilt. I do feel now a tie, a very close tie with, I mean, how much I've.


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[Assistant] I've, you know, know a lot of the coaches. I know stuff. So Vanderbilt's the most. Yeah. And I mean, they've always been the most thing that I love the most because we didn't have this stuff. And then it was, and then the Titans came and, uh,


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[Assistant] But it, you know, if, when the Titans were bad for a long time, I mean, I watched them all, but you're able to get maybe a little distant from it. Where Vanderbilt, when, you know, I mean, it's like, I'm just sitting in that stadium. We got four wins, just a hundred people there. And I'm just there, like just, you know.


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[Assistant] I think if you stay in that town. I think if you're a small town.


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[Assistant] Like I, like my high school is in Donaldson, but we're a suburb of Nashville. So it's just kind of, it would be different to say we, but like, you know, if it's Friday night lights, if you're in some.


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[Assistant] This is your, that's how they, you know, South Pittsburgh where, uh, in Nashville or in Tennessee, we used to go play South pit. It was just a small town. And that mean you, they had, you drive through the South.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the election and then go down. Uh, if you're, uh, I was trying to read this stuff. Do you prefer when fans stay in their city games? I remember.


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[Assistant] You know, standing at, so Vandy, Vandy game, it was the Vandy LSU game, the one I talked about the most, where we had, we were, we scored.


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[Assistant] Okay, so that game, I remember people standing, we were standing there and I remember someone, this lady behind me was like, can you not stand? The whole stadium was standing. And she's like, can you not stand?


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[Assistant] And you're like, lady, this, this whole state, I mean, you can't go to the game. People need to don't go. I think it is annoying when it, you know, there's a system to it.


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[Assistant] Let the whole system start. So let's say you go to a concert and someone stands.


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[Assistant] Look around. If other people do it with you and you're the one that starts it, you started it. If it doesn't work, acknowledge that you're saying it didn't work and sit back down. No one, don't be the guy that's the, that's, is on his own.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like the guy that stands up and yelling, I mean, it's like all of them, they're yelling at the ref and they're yelling at like...


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[Assistant] I don't like people wearing jerseys either, like that's kind of off. I don't, if you don't, uh, I would always say a hat. I think you wear any hat to anything.


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[Assistant] Cause I don't think people don't have 50 hats, you know, uh, but I also, I don't think a Jersey, when you see someone, like I'd go to like Vandy, Alabama and someone shows up in Tennessee Jersey. It's like, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] That's, they, they, you, yeaah, I mean really, I've seen it. Titans game, Titans Chiefs game, and then the guy in a Steelers jersey shows up, and you're like, what are you doing? You're just, you just want to argue with them.


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[Assistant] Like that doesn't make sense. Just where, what do you got to do? Show us that you're into sports. Like how are they going to know? Is an adult doing this? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, kids, you can let kids do whatever they want. But I think you're putting your kid in a bad position if you gave him, like, why don't you wear your Steelers thing? I mean, you want your kid to be in arguments with adults.


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't. I think people want to argue. I think they, I think they like to, they want you to come up and say something to them and they want to, you know, like it's always the guy who walks like, yeah, like, you know, it's that guy. I mean, that guy wants to, wants you to say something.


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[Assistant] Yeah. What's kids? I mean that's the problem with-


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[Assistant] No, no, I'm not saying young kids, but I'm saying these, like, being a Vanity fan and now I'm old enough to be the father of these people is crazy. It's like a lot that you're like, Ali, you know, there's like some 16 year old, I'm like following on Twitter to see if he goes to Vanity like, and you're like, what am I doing, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's, uh, we talk, like, same thing, what about wearing a glove? To, uh, to a baseball game.


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[Assistant] That might be the one to bring one. That might be the one you'll be wide open. You can just go sit in the stands. But at what cost? Well, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And does he have, did he get, eat berry bonds or none of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a person that would wear a jersey to a different team. Like a guy that would knock kids over and like, when you always see that, where like, I mean they show the videos of like some lady that just doesn't want to give the ball up to a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no kid then came, there was no like direct, can I have that ball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but spring, spring training, I don't think there's, uh, but I mean, that's maybe where they go to get a ball. Like that's, I mean, you gotta think that kid, that kid's gonna be very excited about it. The other hand,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like almost like you could, if you said, guys, I will keep this ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what some of these people should yell. I would keep this at my house. Yeah. And then they're like, when you see it's the way it's when you see the drunk woman that's, you know, that we can all kind of picture the video and that's all alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She takes a foul ball from like a kid. I mean, did they just show it and then you're getting booed by the stadium and she just says no and hangs onto it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a ball though that's, you know, you're like, where is it from? You're like, oh wow, Andrew Jones. Wow. Is that a big game? Spring training. Uh, did you guys ever call a ball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh? I mean, I think, yeaah. I went to, I saw, I went to Spring Journey, we were in front of the Sunny Gray. Oh, here we go. It's a picture right now. What do you want me to do? It's the life I live. I don't know what to tell you. He threw us a ball. He threw me a ball. And I was, I said, I'm good, man. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if I brought you a ball that was like, hey, Sonny Gray warmed up with this ball. I'd keep it. Yeah. And so you're fine being removed. You know, like that's like a big golf thing is if someone gives you, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brother-in-law got me a shirt for Augusta. And I'll wear, but then sometimes I do feel weird because I still, because people always go, Oh, have you been? And I haven't been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, and so it's like, you know, like, but like I, I still wear the shirt. I like the shirt's awesome. Like I have, my dad will wear a shirt from anywhere. If I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if I went and played Pebble Beach and like I brought my dad a Pebble Beach shirt, he would, he like, it's like, oh, my son, you know, it's like, do you feel like removed? So like if someone gave you, that's like buying memorabilia, would you ever buy it? Like an autograph for like, I like memorabilia, how do you say it? Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have trouble with some words, but I would love to buy some memorabilia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's completely fair for that guy to want to meet Mark McGuire. Yeah. That's completely fair. This is the one that went right, uh, it didn't go like in the stands. His one went right over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy how much that, three million dollars it goes down? Yeaah. Because it's not the right...


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[Assistant] He's at, like, I saw him in Vegas. He signs autographs in Vegas. And you just pay to go see him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's fun. It's crazy. He's like the real deal, man. What do you mean? Just like stats. I saw him play my first baseball game I went to as a kid. It was the Braves and Reds and he was manager for the Reds. Yeah. And we went to a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the first one, but Pete Rose, like, I mean, he has, he still has records and just like, uh, unbelievable.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, this is the gear. Why would you not love that, you know? And when he gambled, he only gambled on his own team. Supposedly. Supposedly. But like, I don't know how you prove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any of that stuff. Speaking of like dominant, uh, people in their field, I love like seeing like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, you know, we were talking about like Bobby Fischer. Yeaah. Like for chess. You know, he's considered by, what is it, many of the greatest chess players of the time. At age 14, he became the youngest ever US chess champion. At 15, he became both the youngest grandmaster up to that time and the youngest candidate for the world championship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 20, Fischer won the 63-64 US Championship with 11 wins and 11 games. The only perfect score in the history of the tournament. That's still held today. I mean, is Chess still, you know, around? Like kicking around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know when you said your Netflix documentary, why would you not bring that up over your dad's a principal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you not like, I mean, there's a documentary, I mean, I've seen a Bobby Fischer movie. How come, what was your Netflix documentary? My dad was a principal for a while. Oh, by the way, I forgot, he did competitive chess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, that's what makes people mad at poker. Is cause like, just some buffoon gets up there and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, I mean, just, just, you can blow up a table. Just some drunk sits down. That's like, I'm here to have fun. And the next thing they know, I mean, just wipes out the table because they just, they don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he go play by himself, I probably, I mean that's such a weird, cause it's, it's like a, you know, it's not like, ah, let me go shoot some hoops over here at this different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Billiards is the other one we talked about, uh, being a weird, I've been to Minnesota Fats, his grave, he's buried in Hermitage, Tennessee. Hermitage, right? I mean, I grew up right next to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but he was, you know, known as one of the more famous pool players. Yeah, I think he's probably the most famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, he would just drive around and do it. I mean, guys do it at golf. You know, golf, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hustling, like they, we did, there's a guy I was told, uh, John August, my buddy John Augustine that plays his, uh, a guy he knows, he's like a radio guy, but he's a good, he's like a plus six handicap, which is if anybody knows handicaps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but so this guy, so plus six handicap is, the pros are, you know, in Tiger, uh, Jason Day was, he kept his handicap when he was number one in the world and he was plus 8.1. They say Tiger in 2000 was like a plus 10, which is nuts. Like a handicap roughly means,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna get, so if I'm- Plus 10? Plus 10. Tiger in 2000. Okay. Uh, when he's run of the Grand Slam. Not minus. No, plus. Okay. Minus is like, I'm, so I'm a three. So zero is scratch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, then you get to plus one plus two plusses are better. Oh, okay. Plus it means you get strokes basically added onto you. Okay. So like if me and you play and you're an 18 and a three, I got to give you a shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For 15 of the holes. Okay. And so, but like with Tiger Woods, he would have to give me 13 shots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, so this guy goes up and it's like, like golf, I love golf. Like they come up, this dude, they said he pulls up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of his car and just walks to the first tee. Just no warm up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And again, they were like by the sixth hole, he, the guy's down four strokes. Cause the other guy's like seven under through six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just comes out of his car, just out of his car, just is unreal. Looked like a clown. I mean, they said he wins, uh, club championships and like, and he has like Phil Mickelson's at his, as a member at the club that he's at. He's a dude that is just super solid. I think he's a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be like that hustler. They could easily go turn pro. They could be pro. But they will be more successful doing it the route they do it versus, I mean I think this guy is a very successful guy so I don't know if he needs golf, but it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's more of a story with a guy doing that. I'm not telling if that guy finishes 50th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be like, this guy's got, I mean, we're talking about him right now. This guy was not a professional player. And that story is more, you'd make a movie about that, you know? And so it's like, what do you want to do? Like maybe if you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, I got a guy that's like, it's real legit. Like, you know, if you, as a business, if you hired someone to do stuff, yard work, and then if you just like, you, this guy, you know, we're gonna find this guy in the yellow page. They're gonna find a guy like that. Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many? Uh, two? One? She actually didn't have one, but it's still the most. Uh, no, no, maybe it's the most like two 99s or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's something like that. Okay. Uh, it's been a while since I've asked about it. But, unbelievable bowler. It's in the genes. I've felt bowling, but my high, my game high is 266.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that they could, that could Peter Weber do, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it takes, like, to get into the Bowling All Fame, I don't think there's just, it's not like the NFL, like, you know, it's gonna be regular people, like people that are in leagues and like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men always, they, who putts better?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now women, they, you know what they always tell you for, if you're a regular person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should watch the LPGA more than the PGA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For women, LPGA, their numbers are more like our numbers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like a golfer, like a good, I mean, they would, I've golfed with the LPGA player. I mean, they're good. They're going to destroy you. Like they're sure it's nothing. It's all perfect. Everything's straight. Everything. They got very smooth swings, but as, as a amateur golfer, you should, the LPGA is like way more like us. Like their distances are about the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The shots that they have, you know, they can obviously do way more shots, but they, that's, it's, it's more similar to like my game versus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who was the Earl? He said Earl Anthony won 43 professional bowlers association titles during his incredible career and was named PBA Bowler of the Year six times. He was also the first bowler to top $100,000 in earnings in a year and the first to surpass $1 million in career earnings. He was above Peter Weber? In the rankings, I saw, yeaah. He's, in his current, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He thought, Peter Rebers is the only one, what's his, the, what does he say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love like the greatness of all this stuff, you know, we're talking, just run, like racing AJ Foyt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I, I love greatness, man. Uh, Secretariat, horse racing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's crazy. I mean, it is crazy. Like, uh, I, you know, John, I'm a big MMA fan, John Jones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Jones is, uh, the best, I think, I think. Khabib is probably the other one. But I watch people for greatness. I watch, like, I would say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People that don't like, I mean look, if you don't, if you hate sports, then none of this matters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you're into sports, you gotta expand yourself and go watch these things. You're watching stuff that's a once in a lifetime. Seeing Khabib or John Jones MMA. If you like the sport, Khabib is a, he fought a bear growing up. That's what he fought in Russia. There's video and he wrestles a bear. This guy is a once in a lifetime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Person. So like I enjoy when you feel someone is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's like, this is not normal. This guy is better than the best. So I try to watch those things. Tiger Woods, I watched his whole career. You just can tell, you know, you know, when these people are going to be greatness is unbelievable what it takes. Tiger Woods, Jordan, I always said, like, I never watched Kobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We saw, we get Jordan and I, and it's the one regret I, I wish I would have paid attention more to that transition and then watched Kobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was just, you know, when I was 20 or 21, like I just, I don't, I don't think I cared as much, but I would have loved to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen that transition more and watched them more and then really appreciate Kobe's game. But I think if you're my age, that's why you're such a Jordan fan. And then Kobe was just kind of missed. You were almost like, it's too much. I just got done watching this dude. I can't, I can't get into this guy again. Like you're just like, I'm, I'm spent right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now I'm back into LeBron James. I've watched his entire career. Cause I was like, I had to like, I had one removed and then now I'm like, all right. And so like now I'm trying to make myself in the NBA, the NBA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, whether you like it or not, as far as talent goes,


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[Assistant] They have the most, kind of, once in a generation talent with, I mean, you know, Steph Curry, obviously, but I don't even think he's not the freak of nature I'm talking about, like, uh, Yanis, at uh, Milwaukee, and Luca Donic, at uh, Dallas. I mean, dude, those two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are pretty crazy. Luke Adonick is, uh, where's he from? He's from somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he, I think you're right. Spain? Is it? Maybe. Let me get on that. Yeah. He's from, eh, it doesn't matter. Slovenian? Slovenian. Is there Spain? Uh, I know there is Slovenia. I wouldn't even begin. If you told me to leave right now and go to Slovenia, I mean, it would be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I would be like, I would be like, I'm going that direction. Yeah. Okay. And then I would go from there. But Luca Donic is, this dude was playing with like grown men and there, there was really not a ton of like video on him, but he was, you know, I mean, he just turned 21.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think when he was like 18, 17, 18, he's playing in the men's league and, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he came into the league and was just like a dude already, like a real just grown guy. And he's, he's really got a shot at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he could pass all of the bronze. I mean, dude, this dude can be nuts and it's pretty crazy. So he's someone that you're like, all right, you should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes sense. Split vote. I think I can meet Michael Jordan. You think I'll ever meet him? Golf with him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We never just crossed paths. I would love to meet him. I'd love to become best friends with him. Uh, with some of the other greatness, uh, Coco Golf, she was the 15 year old that, uh, in the Wimbledon performance, she beat Venus Williams in the first round, reached the fourth round.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Cocoa's got a real shot to be, uh, like kind of a phenom, but I mean, I, but I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She has the best chance out of the tennis, but Serena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Serena doesn't, I don't think get the acknowledgement of what she's done. She's been, she's borderline one, she's with Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan. I mean, she's one of the most dominant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's the greatest women's tennis player of all time. Hockey, Connor McDavid is, uh, he's only 23. He's a dude. I remember hearing about him. Uh, Wayne Gretzky called him the best prospect he's seen in 30 years. Wow. One that's kind of different, Kyle Bugha Giersdorf. You know this guy? My nephew probably knows him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This e-sports giant draws in more viewers than the Super Bowl and is expected to get even bigger. Over 10,000 League of Legends fans descended upon St. Louis this week and more than 600,000 people watched the event online. I don't understand, it draws in more viewers than, how many viewers does it get though? Let's click on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Figure out, just try to figure out how many viewers it gets. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. It's huge though. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it is to say that. I mean, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, I mean, it's definitely people don't, if you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's fun to watch. But I mean, what's the age? Like, I mean, you can get down to the age, dude. Like, so my nephew Caleb, uh, he's real big on Fortnite. He does the Twitch and you can watch him on Fortnite. I don't know his name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Fortnite, uh, but he does all that stuff and they play it and they're obsessed. I looked up like that. There's a guy Ninja that's, you know, big Fortnite player and all these kids follow him. He's like fame. I mean, these, these guys are famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they stream and, you know, and it's a different kind of thing. They watch, you know, my daughter even watches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, she plays a game, Roblox, and it's, you know, just a, I don't know, a kid, some kind of dumb game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got, like, you gotta kinda keep an eye on, cause it's, it's online, you know, everything's online. Everything's online with them. And so, you gotta, everything you do, you gotta keep a pretty strong eye on what they're doing. But she's watched videos of people playing, of them, like, streaming their game online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I mean, it's something that people are into. Which funny is like, I jokingly said like, this country would get taken over by these kids. But there's a chance that like, they could just, they don't have to fight, but they have... War game videos? Yeaah. Yeaah. Like they're like, sending stuff out and we're actually unbelievable. Like so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the country will do fine, uh, who knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's pretty, uh, I can't believe it's 100 million people that are watching a video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I, I, I would almost want to watch it. I feel it's so quick though. That's the thing that's hard with video games to me is it's very fast. Like I don't know the moves. So it's, it's just, you know, like you see Fortnite and then building a, whatever they're building, it's just ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. It's like super quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple more greatness to just watch. I'll just say it quickly. Uh, Christian, uh, Pulisic, right? He's, uh, already, they already say he's the greatest American soccer player of all time. And if we,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you get to the World Cup, if you're in it, he'll be playing in it, has a long run at it. Also, I was a big Katie Ledecky fan, cause you would see for swimming. And, uh, I loved seeing the videos where she would be, like people would be out of screen. Like you would be like, Oh, she.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So much better than everybody else. Like it looks like they, it's not fair. And this girl comes in and now she's that. And they're both American? Both American. There we go. There we go. Something. We got something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a couple, uh, like we were talking about records, like, Wayne Gretzky is one of the more impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as like Jordan, Tiger, all that kind of stuff, Wayne Greske is in that boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wayne Gretzky, I mean his records are nuts. I love like talking to someone that's really into it. My buddy Graham K.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's from Canada and he, you know, obviously they love hockey and I'll just like, I'll like always, even I get the same answers from him, but I was just, I'm like, how good is Wayne Gretzky? I like hearing just where he's like, dude, he goes, no one's even.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one's even close to his records. No one's even, I mean, they're, uh, he scored the most points in NHL history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The next closest is 25, 28, 57. The next closest is, uh, Yager, Yarmir Yager at 1921 and Yager played in almost 300 more games and he's barely within a thousand points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Joe Thornton has the most points among axe players at 15.09. I mean, it's not, he can't, no one can do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one, his records are the ones that I don't, I don't think can ever be broken. Will Chamberlain scored 100 points in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could that be broken? I mean, Kobe did 82. I could see it being broken. Kobe did 82, 82 points. If they let someone do it, then it can be broken. He scored 82. These guys are so good that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's closer than anybody's gotten to Wayne Gretzky's. Oh, that's true. I mean, you're at least going like, alright, he needed 18 more points. Could Kobe have scored? I don't know if he played later in that game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get some guy on a run of three, I mean they're shooting, yeaah, it's nuts. Uh, Cy Young at 511 career, uh, at the most wins, now Verlander at 226. Yeaah. I mean the only thing I would say about the wins is these guys are playing longer. And they're able to play into their 40s now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Nolan Ryan with 5700 strikeouts and Justin Verlander's 3000. So, I mean, that's gotta be pretty tough to beat because now it's going to be broken up. But that's, that's the thing that's hard is like, I don't know if anybody's like, there's going to be guys that are good enough to get those, but they're not going to get the opportunity to get those. But you could say the same with Gretzky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, great success, so many points. Kyle Ripken, 2,600 executive baseball games. Uh, what do you have? Uh, insane. It's insane. Uh, the current streak is Whit Merrifa, the Royals who played in 247 straight games. I remember watching the Kyle Ripken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was a huge, it was a, that's when, I mean, that's like the McGuire Sosa. It was, it was, you were worried, they kept, I mean, man, it's, you know, you know, I'm trying to think, what was the last sport that had something where it was like, you had to watch it. I mean, maybe like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was like a regular Sunday and like, you know, like they went to it, but it wasn't, it wasn't cow ripping. It wasn't, it wasn't this Sammy Sosa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shooting a 59 for golf, like a, if someone shoots a 59, there's always a 59 watch and you want to go kind of see it. Like he's got to go 200 to get, you know, Jimmy Ferrik shot a 58 in a tournament play, which is nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, the whole world's watching, I promise he won't be here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2600 days in a row, honey. He has not come home. Yeah. Yeah, trust me. I try to get him to come home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So alright, those are the records, I mean we've done, you know, about enough, plenty. So, uh, what's, uh, the last thing we'll do is, uh, that I do want to ask is what, what is, what is your greatest sports moment? Which I'd love to hear some people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you can't, uh, this is my greatest sports moment. I have the ball. This is a home run ball you caught when you're in the stands. Not a home run ball. Yeah, this is it. Yeah, I did. Uh, April 23rd, 1990. Wow. Uh, I threw a no hitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No hitter for the 1990 minor league, minor team Philly, in case you're wondering. Uh, and I threw a no hitter. And that's mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but, uh. What's your most embarrassing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, most embarrassing is the joke I have where I ran, I got, uh, I thought I had a, I got a home run off a walk. Yeah. And then I, that's, it's a true story. It was, it was 13 year old league.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to first base, ran around and then umpire said that was only ball three. If you haven't heard the joke, it's an old joke, but I got to, I had a bad again, three balls, two strikes, immediately struck out. That was the most embarrassing that I've had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grown man can't wear his own jersey. Uh, that jersey has my name on it. They, uh, I struck out at that church softball. I'm in church softball. Uh, church softball, I had some embarrassing ones. I got the yips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it's always like the fence and then it's like open. And I mean, dude, I could not get the ball to the first baseman. I just, I didn't know how to do it. And I mean, I would, and I mean, I was like, I'm a pretty good, I was a pretty good baseball player. So I know how to play like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just got in my head and I would grab it and I mean I would throw it and it would just go above them every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I did strike out this in front of all these people at Kansas City for, uh, the Big Slick. It's a great organization. Uh, they do lots of the Children's Hospital in Kansas City and they, uh, all these celebrities are there.


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[Assistant] I'm the only one that struck out. There's obviously no rules. David Keckner is on the team and you would get him out just four times and he just wouldn't leave. And then they'd count the run. It was very funny, but he would.


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[Assistant] Could I just say, Paul Rudd was, cause all these people from Kansas City, it's pretty crazy. Paul Rudd, David Keckner, Eric Stonestree, uh, uh, Rob Riggle and Jason Sudeikis. And so they, it's all of their thing. All of them from Kansas, pretty famous, crazy group. I was on Paul Rudd's team. And, uh, but it's funny, they weren't letting anybody strike out. I mean, there's like old.


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[Assistant] Ladies are playing and they would just keep pitching them until they got a hit. And I was the only one that got three pitches and then was like, you're out. Were you whiffing them or were you taking them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then no one else struck out and then I'm the only one that struck out and no, and I was, I think it's cause I golf so much. It was weird to me to see a ball coming in versus like, you know, and I mean, full on straight three pitches, not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't like wait, like that felt outside. Three pitches, dude. Wow. And then walk and have to


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I was early, you know, people are still coming in, but you know, I'm sure someone, someone had to know, like, you know, I mean, I talked about it that night on stage because that's the, that's the, uh.


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[Assistant] All the press had to do, I don't, I don't want to talk about it. They, all the press you would go do, uh, Aaron will not talk about Terry Swifter, Kanye West.


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[Assistant] Imagine, yeaah, what are we doing at this, at this stage? October 30th, 1999? I'm, uh. Oh, I know.


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[Assistant] I had an interception, uh, I never had a touchdown, never scored a touchdown. And then I had an interception, I was probably 11 or 12 and we were playing UNA, UNA, UNA, UNA, and uh, they, and I was a cornerback.


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[Assistant] So the kids are older, this team was unbelievable. This team is always the best team ever. And, uh, I remember he ran like a little out route and then I just stepped up in front of it and I jumped up and caught it and I remember catching it.


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[Assistant] And then I remember being slammed on the ground. Like it's like, I caught it and the kid just grabbed me and threw me on the ground. And they announced, we had one other kid on our team that was amazing. And they said, they, they, on the loud speaker, they said his name for the interception. They just assumed.


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[Assistant] That's unbelievable. That's so good. Alright. Alright. We gotta be. That's enough. This is too much. Uh, so, uh, we're, we're, we're gonna have to get some more of your sports stories. Man, I like closing out with some nice Brian Bates sports stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have great sports moments that are very funny ones, either way, uh, send us some comments. You've been, we love you all. You all have been super nice. So, uh, thank you so much and see you next week.


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[Assistant] Police department beating up a grandpa. That was horrible. Uhm, and then realizing that oops.


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[Assistant] That wasn't him. Maybe it's two guys. Like, who knows? Who's to say? After all that. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And I think when we last left you, they were in a true place of desperation.


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[Assistant] They are not handling the public outcry and the pressure.


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[Assistant] Very well. And the press is doing their part to really fuck this case up further.


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[Assistant] At this point, this isn't, uh, we're out of Chicago right now just because we're bringing someone into the fold. Oh, okay. Uhm, a jury in Phoenix, Arizona.


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[Assistant] Thomas suddenly admitted to Arizona Detectives that he was responsible for killing 6 year old Suzanne Degnan in Chicago.


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[Assistant] In early January, Thomas was working at Woodlawn Hospital in Chicago. I was waiting for the Chicago connection, there it is. And on the night of January 7th, he told his supervisor he was sick and left work around 10pm because, quote, he knew he had to rob some money. And he claimed he just had to. He had to.


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[Assistant] He claimed he picked the Degnan house because quote, it looked like I would find money and or jewels in there.


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[Assistant] Now remember, Jim Dagnan is an executive. Right.


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[Assistant] So at first, Thomas planned on using the painter's ladder he'd taken from a yard down the street.


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[Assistant] And even put it up against the house next to Suzanne's open window, which they did find a ladder, when he remembered that he had several master keys for various types of locks and one happened to fit the lock on the lock on the Dagnan's front door.


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[Assistant] Once inside, he prowled around the open rooms until he entered Suzanne's room and found her sleeping.


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[Assistant] Thomas said, quote, So I scribbled a note on some brown paper I had brought along to wipe away fingerprints.


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[Assistant] Anyone with like young kids knows that's entirely possible. Oh yea. Some kids, I was not gifted enough to have those kind of children that you can bring from the car to the house while they sleep. Like they wake up immediately. I feel like most people aren't.


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[Assistant] But honestly, there is a lot, I see a lot of my friends have kids that they can just take out of the car, sound asleep, and they will remain asleep until they put them in their bed. I was never one of those kids. Kids are like deep sleepers at times. So this does make sense. And it's horrific to think about. Now,


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[Assistant] Now he was thinking he had inadvertently killed her at this point. Like by suffocating her. Thomas dropped her body into an open coal chute at the house on Winthrop Street, then slid down the chute himself to gain access to the basement.


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[Assistant] There he said he dismembered the body using the surgical tools he had brought with him.


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[Assistant] By that time, the story of the Degnan kidnapping and murder had spread across the country, and detectives in Arizona were very familiar with the case. Sensing that Thomas might be telling the truth here,


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[Assistant] Detectives in Arizona contacted their counterparts in Chicago who


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[Assistant] Much to Arizona's surprise, didn't seem enthusiastic or even all that interested in this confession. What? Actually, although Chicago chief of detectives Walter Storms acknowledged, quote, there was enough in Thomas's story to warrant a thorough investigation. Uh, definitely.


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[Assistant] He added that Thomas quote might be trying to get out of being sentenced in Arizona on the rape charge.


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[Assistant] The brutality and cruelty of the Degnan murder and dismemberment. Yeaah. Kidnapping, murder, dismemberment had shocked and outraged. I told you, people were out for blood here. Yeaah. It had shocked and outraged people all over the country.


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[Assistant] With many in Chicago specifically advocating for extrajudicial execution for the offender as soon as they were identified. Right, exactly. So the idea that someone would voluntarily confess to the crime and waive extradition back to Illinois in order to avoid prosecution for a lesser charge just didn't make sense at all.


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[Assistant] Which a lot was, like they, they were, the detectives were not good at keeping anything.


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[Assistant] He's also a piece of absolute fucking garbage and he literally raped his own child or attempted to rape his own child. Like he's a literal monster so this is very possible. I wouldn't put this past someone who can do that.


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[Assistant] Exactly. Yeah, I don't, that. Yeah. So what happens?


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[Assistant] By agreeing to confess to the murder and dismemberment of a six year old child who everyone is literally out for blood for the culprit of? Like what?


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[Assistant] But the reason for Storm's eagerness to minimize and ultimately ignore Thomas's confession became clear because there was then an announcement of an arrest in the Degnan case.


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[Assistant] Okay. So right away you go, oh, you just didn't want the case that you probably manufactured to fall apart, huh? You've zeroed in on someone. Now on the morning of June 26th,


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[Assistant] Or leaving a home with some of the occupants' belongings. So somebody burglarized.


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[Assistant] They alerted two police officers who immediately began pursuing this prowler.


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[Assistant] So he tried to break free when a neighbor intervened by dropping a heavy flower pot on his head and knocking him unconscious.


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[Assistant] Dropped a flower pot. Allah three stooges.


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[Assistant] That's okay. Own that. It won't happen again. It's okay. I want you to live in that place of levity for a while because you've earned it after listening to part one. Okay. That's so fucking lutely.