[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, they have beef like any border, like any border state has beef. They're like, oh fuck it, these idiots don't know how to drive. Who gives a shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, idiots aren't wandering around as prob- that's the cleanest, I would say. That's pretty good. But what is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jake does have that long lean. Thank you. Which can be good in wrestling. There we go. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is cool that- The jumping knee? Yes. That we saw this come out of nowhere. Like, remember when UFC first started, there was like literally no rules, and we were just like, biting each other and shit, and you're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I wanna see. I wanna see guys that like, might win a bar fight, but have no real skills outside of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's how the game is played in middle school and high school, homie. That's just, there's no finesse yet. There's no skill. No, I'm with you. I feel like it wasn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That for me, it was, if I ever felt slighted in any way. Right, you would slowly poison them over months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, if, if it was, I remember like the first day of school when I moved to, from Iowa to Nebraska. Yep, yep. Like one of the kids, Chris Bower, what's up Chris? He pushed off of me. Allegedly! And I, allegedly, he did, and he pushed off of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, oh shit, I'm the new kid. This is like prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he pushes off of me, I will be a bitch at this school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then I remembered my, uh, other friend of mine that I grew, ended up growing up with these kids. So this, this kid, Danny Beard, was like, oh my god, the new kid's beating up, uh, Adam. And, uh, Adam's, Adam's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's just say we're friends. What was that about? And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm the new kid. And he goes, let's just say we're friends. I'm like, okay. And then the principal comes in and we just lied and said that we were best buds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And got out of, got out of it. And then were you friends after that? Yeah, and then after that it was good. That's what's cool about being a guy is you can really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get some racers. Get some sick ass like walking into the octagon gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna, if you're an MMA fighter and you want a sick mankind-esque leather mask,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was, he was one of those kids that would way overreach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there was that kind of fighter. It was either kids that were just, okay, we're gonna fight and see how it goes, or a kid that like my neighbor pulled a knife on me because I took his hat as like a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that is the gnarliest, he straight up kicked you in the nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he, so he kicked you in the nuts, then it was just game over, you never tried to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that that is, that is when I imagine being a little kid. It's never been like second grade. It's never been like seven years old. It's always been like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 8, 9, 10. Right there. When you're like old enough to kinda do stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that was the age that my parents were like, okay, you're allowed to like, walk to your friend's house. And then that, the freedom of like, doing that, I was like, oh shit, and I could throw rocks at squirrels. I could take a bunch of berries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I bet having a fourth grader is gonna be super annoying, cause they're always just like in the room going like, shit, fuck, fuck. You know, like, what'd you say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, not from Iowa like me and Adam. Yeah, it's weird that you guys are gonna have a bunch of, uh, California kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm never, I'm never, I'm never in California, so they will be part German, part South Carolinian. That's kind of cool. That's a cool mix. Yeaah. But then isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is crazy that people that are like sexually advanced, way too young,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my very best friend started having sex very young and so we would go hang out as like a threesome and they would like have sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time specifically- At what age are we talking? Twelve?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, that's, that is insane. That's wild. Also 14 is, if you ever see a 14 year old, you're like, Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I might have told this on the pod, but they were, these two people were having sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the toolbox slips and falls off the counter, and now I'm hanging there. Right. With my head through this wall, uh, choking as my friends look up and see me fucking perving on them in the seventh grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will take the blame for that one. Just being a perfect little seventh grader.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was the first place for me. I'm like, I just want to kiss a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It truly sucked. It was just like, the only attention I would get would be like, girls would push me to like my next classmate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I ended up having my buddy like Walsh, my buddy Kyle Walsh wheeled me to a lot of my classes and I had a few friends like that that would wheel me and it was like a good way to just get out of class like five minutes early with your buddy and you guys can go throw pencils into the ceiling. Oh for sure. Did he know he was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I listen to books, uh, audiobooks, uh, when I ride my bike, you know, and I was listening to David Spade's, like, uh, I don't know, recent book, and he was talking about, um, like his first sexual experience, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first time I got a blowjob, the girl jumped out of a window. Immediately afterwards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he was talking about his first sexual experiences and I was like, oh yea, in hindsight, that is absolutely fucking insane that that was my first real sexual experience. You're scarred. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking for college football to start. That to me is the most fun. Collegiate football is the most fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that that takes hold for like another year. I think that's 2024.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, cause I'm bummed at that too. It'd be cool to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why does it suck? Why does it suck? To me I just think it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome. It sucks for like a kid who like has to go to fuckin' class and has to fly to LA and back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. Yeah, back in the day, Nebraska was in the big 12. Not even that long ago. What, like five, six years ago?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was, we would play Texas and Oklahoma damn near every year. And it was such a big deal, even though we got our asses kicked by them for the past


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And way worse than luggage talk. I feel like luggage talk fucking slays. Now we're just listing things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a college there. There's a college of Charles. You didn't, you never knew about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] California. It's weird to me that you would just pick a la- that's such- I get it. I mean, it's cool. Have you been?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like, I would like to go. It's one of the few states that I haven't been to, but, but it's weird that you've always


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you've always been like, Alaska's the shit, even though you went one time. Yes, I had a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what is so sick? Where is there a Pounded Veal restaurant that you're gonna recommend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, they do stand up comedy there, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like there needs to be, yeah, a few more layers to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so dope. So you've been there and back a few times or just, just the once or how long have you been home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say it's time for take backs, apologies, giveaways, epic slams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how popular Supreme is. When I was in Germany, that was like, everyone was rocking Supreme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucking wild, what a giant company that has become.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well do we s- it seems easy cause eh, I mean their clothes are just totally fine. I mean it just is like a fucking, their logo just splattered on it. We should start our own company, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I owned Steve Madden. God dang. Send me my free shoes, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such a little blurb in our lives. I remember seeing like a photo of you being there looking cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And big shout out to Awand Leather Good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's the parents? I heard, what are they, uh, they're driving cross country or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but we don't know what this area is called. What this, uh, what are they over there? Providence?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go! Wait, put your votes in now. Is fail the word? I say yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cut the tree down, like it was man cutting a tree down, like it was a felled tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, felt is the only way to say I'm chopping down a tree. You felt it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, we're talking Canada, which- Now I know. Yeah, we're, we're, we're talking real Canada shit. Yeah. How much of Canada have you, have you covered? We still don't know where they are. Is that Nova Scotia?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well there was, there's, there's two things that, well three things at work there. One, I had to defend the United States because writers on our show were coming for us. They were saying our national anthem sucked. They said lots of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was pissed, they were saying that Canada had a better national anthem and all this, so I was like, I had the hard stance to be, you know, I had to put up a fight for our country, guys, and you didn't have my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, well now slap has like, it's been, I, what do we say, like gentrified? Like people use it incorrectly, like it's, it's slap is just lost in the wind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that. Okay, the other, the other thing that I didn't, uh, know is that, uh, or,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's because I'm a sweaty actor and I have to have it like freezing inside or I will like sweat through my shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, like I'd do two or anything. Uh, the, do the, the, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not to get back to Canada, but I'm obsessed with it and I love it and I would like to talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like, like, my parents and people, they try to promote, like, a healthy fear. Maybe it's not even healthy. They just promote fear of Mexico, where they're like, Mexico is scary, you're gonna, like, bad things are gonna happen if you go there, the cartel, all this, and that is just not the case. No. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, you guys are being ridiculous. No, you're being stupid. You're being stupid and you're generalizing a large place right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was just thinking about like, I think it was Vietnamese food and it was like this pounded out, like, like veal dish. I wish I had the name of the place. It's so freaking good. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you are in Vancouver, please hit up Budgie's. It is a delicious, uh, burrito. That is, it's not necessarily like super Mexican authentic tasting, but it is delicious nonetheless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why I don't shout my brother out and I already deleted his name off of that post because I just don't want...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my brother came out with me, uh, NBC Bay area. They put us up in this really sick hotel called Hotel Via is directly across from Oracle like another hot, hot wreck where the giants play. How's the food?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was still ready to go, like, I'm like, line it up, if it's shots, if it's shotgunning or whatever, but we pulled up to the offices and everybody was pretty on professional mode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. And also I think a lot of them understood the weight of it. Like a lot of people watched that parade. A lot of, a lot of, uh, viral moments came out of it. Like it was like, Oh my God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we kind of like pulled up like ready to go, but everybody was, and this was my first parade. I've never gone to a sporting parade. Like it was a fucking magical experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of that comes up, as far as championship games come, come, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that's purely, I don't pull up the games purely because of like superstitions. Sometimes I just don't, I don't know, I get in my head about being a jinx or whatever, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get routines, I get like you ju- you just don't wanna change anything. I- I'm not the only guy who has sports superstitions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know when you're going home if your dad's like, man, you fucking sucked. Like, give up. Let's quit this sport and not- Who, Dennis? Yeah. Yeah, this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes I have, the second championship I was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was at that game, and that was, and it felt amazing, like being in the building for that, you can never replace that feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Adam, you know as well as I do that when it comes to these, uh, at least NBA events, no matter how elevated you are in the fandom, it still costs a pretty penny to attend these things, like- Exactly, Blake, and that is why-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was I on the last, uh, was I on the last season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, uh, maybe. Arrested Development, that was kind of a comeback season and I think they only wanted to do one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bad, brother. I mostly wanted to just, you know, highlight that what was over because I just had such a great time on that show and I really fell in love with the cast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The director and the writers and I'll miss them. I'm sad we don't get to do another season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Sheer, The Mourn, T. Murph, they're all great, and like, just bumbling around, Vancouver, with them was, was, uh, I'll never forget it, they were, they were friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I think that was just like a dude was really being a dick to Adam at the door and he kinda like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, but I do wanna ex- Maybe Kyle, when you're in the Cove, check out, uh, Vancouver Island. It sounds like a fun time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it is uhm, I mean, you know, for whatever it is, I mean, LosingWoke is definitely a hit, we have more stuff lined up, but it is a fucked up ass industry, as rewarding and cool as...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's really something. It's quite taxing on mental health, I will say so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, but this is the lifestyle we choose. We're freaking renegades of fuck. Yeah, we're nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about, dude, remember when we threw the buckets of cum on you guys? I'm pissed now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go. Yes, yes, yes. The cause of diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me. Oh, nine? Nine. They're saying it's nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you remember my, do you remember my 31st birthday? Do you guys remember this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And I was the one. So it was 15, 15, one. Everybody, we had to like light them up. Right. And we played Cypress Hill. We played fucking hits from the bong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam and I were looking at this this morning. Me and Baby Nooch were checking it out and I was like the fucking 31 blunt. Everybody took hits and blew it in the tunnel and I had to walk down the tunnel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not charging? That's the problem? What percentage are you on? We've done this with Ders before where we counted them down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Love that road on the highway. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Goosebumps. That's my favorite road on the highway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can do three. You can do three. You can do three scenes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying three scenes. I'm saying three scenes is fine. At most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I want two. Sure, fine. At most, fine. Two. At most, Dolby. Sorry, I'm sound. At most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who would that be? So if PTA asked you, you'd be like, yes, is that what you're saying, licorice pizza boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You take a, you get a roll, you're on a roll. Yeah, it's that Hollywood shuffle, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Weird Al biopic? But he wasn't Weird Al in that. It's, it was Aaron Paul. I know, but it's based on that. What sketch? There was a sketch? The Aaron Paul sketch. That was like, it's a- There was a long time ago. It's a funny or die sketch called Weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a tough, that's tough. I know. I get it though, I do kinda understand it cause I'm happy for Al. You know, I'm happy for Al, I think it's great. Oh yeah, I love Al.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys remember when we did, uhm, what was it? Festival Supreme as the wizards? Uh, and, well the wizards were there too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Al was sitting in the tent, reading a book. Yeah, reading a fucking book. And I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, Oh, I'm performing with Heidecker. And I was like, Oh, sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first one there, when it actually came onto him slaying and doing his accordion, he came, he was out there for maybe, you know, uh, a minute and a half, two minutes he played for, but he was the first person there ready. That's how I know Al. So worried about the flowers we're giving. And I just want to say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't they, I did, I feel like I did a podcast upstairs too, like a couple of pods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know what it is and I, I know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell of a dress. Zip it. Dude, remember when we threw the buckets of cum on you guys, but then I think we cut it out of the episode, but there were, there were buckets, buckets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I crazy? I feel like I saw it, I think I saw it recently on that account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Dude, Blake, do you remember going to see that movie and being like, wait, this is not what we thought it was?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very, very stoned and I think both of us thought it was gonna be a lot more like labyrinth. Yeaah. Like when we grew up and it was gonna be more like fun. I don't know if I could- But it was, it starts with like the, with somebody like getting shot point blank, right? It's cause the whole movie is- It's like Nazis, right? Yeaah. Yeaah. It's like Cold War kind of shit. Is it Nazis? I can't even tell you what that movie is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dream, that's the dream. Oh, that's the dream, baby. Do you remember when Guillermo del Toro was going to be doing the Hobbit series?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the most excited I've been for Lord of the Rings was just the thought of him doing- It's not Lord of the Rings, it's The Hobbit, but okay. Shots fired, shots fired. What do you mean? It's the same, you know, same world. It's not, it's not. No, you're Tolkien!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember there was like some test where he was gonna do like the actual like trampoline jumping and make it more physical and like less...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How old was David the gnome? Was he like, what was the show about? What was that show about? What the fuck was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm thinking of Wonder Years Dad, I got it wrong. No, that dude rocks though. Yeah, that's Dan Lora. He was my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is like, that is, uh, the Kimmy Gibbware to the max because they came, like it was not a show about Steve Urkel, but then it became all about- Woah, why didn't you cry about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's a take back, but you know what? I'll come back with a replacement. How about that? I'll replace my take back the original statement after the take back with a new statement about which, uh, you lost me. I'm not a smart man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also, I'm afraid I'm gonna get my ass kicked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I'm so nervous about that. I don't know where I'm gonna go, stand, what, I don't know how it goes. I've never done a tournament thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is somebody gonna say like, sure, you're up next? Is that what they're gonna say? How am I gonna figure that shit out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, fell asleep with his warm blanket of a body, uh, draped over me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That means you could roll with ease. Yeah, that means it would have been super easy to like get a ticket and get in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a NBA, not necessarily a Golden State fan, as just a fan of basketball in general, uh, loved it! There we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was interesting. It was great. Admittedly, the last game sucked. The last game, you wanna see, you don't want there to be blowouts in any NBA Finals game. And it just sucked. They got it within nine, and that was like the big, they're gonna make a run for it, and then it just ballooned, and so, what did they end up winning by?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been approached by two different people to, uh, uh, and Kyle, I gotta talk to you about this. Not that I know anything about pickleball, and nor do I think it's necessarily a good idea, but they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, like, world or the USA pickleball organization reached out to my agents about me doing a pickleball movie. Sponsored. As if, as if it's, uh, in the vein of dodgeball. But I don't know anything about pickleball, nor do I know if I like this sport or not. I might love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we're mid-boom right now. I feel like we're still early on. Do you have a hook for your movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. They're like, they just reached out to me asking if I wanted to develop an entire project based around Pickleball when I've never played Pickleball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The community needs to reach out and, uh, tell us, cause we're not going to do our own research. Tell us if we talked about the ESPN pickleball tournament the following week after Kyle first mentioned pickleball. Thanks community. Here's your flowers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, I feel like people, most people know that that is a good analogy to put it towards this. Because a lot of people have like a band that they liked and then they catch, it catches on fire a little more and you're like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was Kings of, uh, Kings of Leon. I feel like that band was just immediately huge. No, their first album was kinda underground. No. No, no, no. They had several albums before they- They had Sex on Fire song? No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm pretty sure it was northwest. I remember it being west coast. Okay. But, I mean, I'll look it up, but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they were playing pickleball, they're playing this game that the two dads made up, and then the dog's name was Pickles, and he kept trying to grab the ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they're like, uh, it's a cute game our family plays, Pickleball. And then from there, I mean, they must have been social as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it like then spread across the world, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't even know we were a part of or even wanted to be a part of. I'm still not sold on the sport. I've gotta play it. Hey, well we haven't played. I bet it is fun. That's okay!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got there first! I was talking pickleball!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last night, and the group I was with, they all were talking about Pickleball, saying how much I love Pickleball. I don't wanna be one of those haters that just hates on a thing that I've never tried or don't know anything about. So I do wanna try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. My god, dude. I haven't even touched that unit. Like I went back and looked and I was like, well, am I, if I walk inside of this thing, will I immediately like get a disease and like all my skin just falls off my face and body? For sure, rock a mask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wildly sick. What? I've never seen her be sick before. She's like not a sick, sickly person. She... Did you see her eat any of it? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she, we tested like three or four times. She even went to like the, uh, like a, not emergency room, but like an Urgent Express. And, uh, they're like, ah, we don't know what this is, but got her on a Z-Pack and she feels better. And I bet it's rat shit, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like coming up like a TikTok behind their dad, like with a hammer and just like fucking murdering their parents. And they're like, oh my God, this is so funny. I killed my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember, I remember that back in the day, when the onion was a paper.


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[Assistant] Wow, wow. I mean that's how old we are. We remember when you could just like get a paper with information for free. Like the LA Weekly, that's how I found all my open mics back in the day. Totally. Like I don't know how kids do it nowadays. Oh yeah. It's on the internet? Yeah, my guess is the internet. Yeah, if I had to guess.


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[Assistant] Are your parents younger, uh, than my parents? I thought they were like the same age.


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[Assistant] Yes, well that went away pretty early in California, but in the Midwest, it was still like that.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You. Good luck, bitch! I wanna play my first time against Kyle and beat- and beat him. Good luck, bitch!


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[Assistant] During a war when they're like, the two guys get into each other like, what are we doing? Well, the way it's been explained to me is it's like, it's more table tennis than it is tennis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's more ping pong than it is tennis. So you like put spin on the ball and you do all kinds of cool stuff. And all of us are pretty good at ping pong. I feel like, uh, I feel like we would be some world champion pickle ballers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 60 year old game. Well, the league is just getting started. We could start. It's ground four still. Basically the Lakers, or sorry, Golden State, Blake? Yeaah, let's talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could start a fuckin' dynasty right now. Because football probably is gonna be the biggest sport in the universe. Dude, for at least 16 months. Soccer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't played JetBlue a lot. People say that, uh, JetBlue is pretty nice if you go, if you have like the nice, uh, boost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How funny would it be to sit next to Shaq on a cross country flight? You're stoked, but you're also super sad. You're stoked, but you're like, you're kind of bummed. You're like, I really wanted to sleep, but he's like half on my seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I like tried to ignore it, tried not to make him feel self-conscious or whatever, you know, like what are you gonna do? It's a packed plane, there's nothing, you know, I feel bad for the guy, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should have bought two seats, but that's life! Yeah, you're either gonna share a laugh or just... Yeah, I was just like, but I remember I got off the plane and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know, I could see Shaq be like a JetBlue guy where he like, he just is like, I love to fly JetBlue and then he like raises his eyebrows or something in the commercial and then they, he's mandatory, has to fly JetBlue for three years and they give him 200 million or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bar-Bernie Lomax got a chain. I'm feeling maybe. Perfect. Yeaah. I'm kinda with Kyle like- Like I'm sniffing it out. I never went down a jewelry phase but I wear a wedding ring now and it's- I'm gotten kinda used to it and I'm like, well what other-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he, uh, 2000 late now? Like his career? Or is he still putting shit out in these guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love all the white hip-hop guys are now suddenly like, actually I'm a punk rocker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's a lot of those guys, uh, you know, there's a lot of the- Who else is pivoting? I mean, Post Malone is kind of going more that route.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you're just playing Black Parade, super loud everywhere you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I did see a meme that was like, oh, that is so true. It was like, this is the new Dad Rock, like, prove me wrong or whatever the fuck. And it was, it was Blink-182, Green Day, like, Newfound Glory, and like, Good Charlotte or something. And I'm like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. Yes. It's great. Because it's people that like grew up loving those bands. It checks out. Our age. Yeah. And uh, and now we're all dads except for me. There's zaddies. Dude, like Jimmy Eats World sells tickets, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude. Dashboard rocks. I used to cut myself to Dashboard Professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you weren't even a millennial, uh, you didn't even graduate in this millennium. How's the last of the century, bruh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I mean, absolute, me and you are walking the same path here, Carl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it came on at our wedding, uh, me and Chloe's wedding, and the dance floor went off, and then I told Zach, my best bud, I was like, at his wedding last weekend, I was like, dude, you have to play it? Do you remember the dance floor? We were all screaming that song at each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Emo, they're more, they're pretty soft, more icky, punk. It wasn't until a little bit later that they, they came out with some more, uh, emotional tracks. Cause I don't know if I know- Well that's not Blink, that is- Oh I know, I was just- Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam's song? This song got a little emo. Is this Adam's song? What is this? Stay together for the parents?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is my song. Apple juice in the hall. What's it called? Adam's song.


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[Assistant] It's definitely like a classic. I miss those like teenage just teenage party movies. I feel like they absolutely do not make those at all anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that. Are you, are you invited to the parade or did you? Yea, that's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I, I feel like I don't go snowboarding or skiing or anything, but I, I want to start, I want to start just to rock these.


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[Assistant] I'm glad you guys are going on record. It is, it is. What was that? Oh yeaah. Huh? What sketch? The one, isn't it the one sketch we did about a teacher fight? A current affair. Oh yes, it was, I played


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, uh, he's like a mayhem dude, right? Like he just likes to cause chaos. Doesn't he have like, I feel like I have a book by him that's just like, cause chaos. It's like pink and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's the Pornhub house band? Who came up with that riff? I bet it's a fucking like, uh, uh, I bet it's a catalog. I bet it's a catalog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, it's tough. I'm telling you, it's super tough. Uh, well, Joe Francis is kind of a hunk. Adam. Yeah, Adam's deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was Dave Chappelle! Yes! When Girls Gone Wild came out, all of us were like, oh fuck, wouldn't we go out to party? Yes!


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[Assistant] Predators. Thank you, Blake. Thank you, Blake.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but they're telling their side of the story. Yeah, because it became to the point of like, this is illegal and criminal and fucking horrid and we need to expose this person. By all means necessary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two years, right? Two year span with National Lampoon maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're better than the graphics in the new one. You guys are talking about the visual effects, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Turbo graphics. Well, that was fucking bullet time, bro. Yeah. You know, that was the invention of bullet time. That changed the goddamn game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well that's just so they can get the, that's so they can get your image and then they can create a CGI, uh, like stunt version of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That tech we would have used on like the, we would have used that tech on probably the fucking, uh, the zipline sequencing game over man. But it wasn't even there at that point when we built that, you know? Uhm, I think doing that is like, uh, insurance policy? Yeaah, those trailers are new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's a way to put you in the movie without you being there. Yeaah. It's a full body scan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we skin everybody in every outfit on shadows. Like really all the creatures, all the everything so that you have all the pieces of information that you need in post-production so that then you can like, you're not in a jam. You can fucking put the shoulder in right there if you wanted to or whatever. Wow, that's so interesting. It also leads me to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't have them act. It's not, it's not really good. We just went down the road of doing like a CG character in with other people. It's not really fully there, but in ten years, possibly? Yea, but they're already doing ten years. Somebody was just doing like a James Dean movie. They're getting away with little pieces. They're not doing full...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they are. They are. They're doing, uh, they cast James Dean.


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[Assistant] Well Blake has a special place in his heart because that, that uh, fucking soundtrack scored all of our...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an exclamation, dude. You can't always think of what's gonna come out of it. It's a first, it's a knee-jerk. You're not thinking about what you're gonna say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, you know what is hella fun and change the game and I wish they would find this for other sports?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play base, like a Nintendo game in real life. You're just like competing against your friends and completely flip the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Top golf, if you're a golfer and you go there, it's the same as going to a driving range. It's no different in any way. If you go cosmic bowling- Wait, wait, wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but bowling is not about just a high score. You have to have a high average, brother. Okay, let's go. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys, I just had a memory about all of us. Kyle, were you there when we bowled Chris Hardwick? Yeah, I was there. All four of us bowled against one Chris Hardwick.


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[Assistant] Bitch, five pins on like strings and you bowl a ball that you can palm.


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[Assistant] And it's fucking weird, but it's kind of fun.


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[Assistant] It wasn't my car. It wasn't my car. I couldn't drive. Kyle probably drove me to the party.


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[Assistant] Wow. Didn't even know such a wolf existed. Okay.


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[Assistant] That could've got dangerous as well. It feels like all of our finger-banging situations were kinda final destinations.


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[Assistant] Dude, why don't they make an adult, an adult like ball pit? I guess they do, it's like foam parties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's covid toes? Dude, that's a real thing, dude. Is that a real thing? Covid toes, like evidently, like a small portion of people having Aaron Rodgers. This might be misinformation. I don't believe anything that this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard there was a small amount of cases where people's toes get red and swell up and it might be from COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so cool. Everybody watch Righteous Gemstones. That's on HBO Max, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I did tap in with Girls 5 Ever, very funny, very very funny, yes. Alright, I'm glad you liked it. I enjoyed it quite a bit, it's very, it's worth a chuckle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely not, no. Instant pancakes are bisquick.


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[Assistant] But, French, no, French toast is like four steps. Bisquick pancakes are just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shots fire. Shout out to... Thank you so much for making me the bowler I am today. I want you. Niles, Niles Lang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was im- ahhh. This was important, god damn!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How could they possibly touch- Nah, fuck it, let's not tell them. Yeah, no. It's a normal podcast. Coming to you live from four different places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in the summer? But we've seen your underwear. What? Holes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, and shout out to Sony. Like, such good TVs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's now available on STARS. I haven't seen it in hours. What? It was on HBO Max, and then now it's not, and now it's on STARS. I watched it the other day. With the kids. You have STARS? I got them all, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we got podcasts, that's true, and I do want to circle back to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, you know what? I had an Adam and Devine sighting this morning. I came downstairs, my kid was eating breakfast, and you started watching some movie that I'd never seen. Your voice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dr. Flemba. Then on the way to school, he goes, dad, do you think there could be animals that have holes in the middle of them? Or have we like, or would that be bad evolution or whatever? I'm like, then I start going, well, we're just evolved to this moment. Like maybe we won't have pinkies in the future. And he's like, well, then we wouldn't have good grips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, he's in black or something. I'm like, but, uh, what?


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[Assistant] Oh my god, this is so- Am I crazy for this? I feel like our boy Adam Devine should have been the star of that Elton John movie that came out a few years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rocketman. The Taron Egerton? Yup. You've got the same kind of shaped face. You're a singer. I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something that you think is fancy when you're a kid, you're like, whoa. Oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Siroc. And now there's Siroc, uh, Siroc. That's a cool name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The rock is hard. What, they have flavors now, you said? No, seltzers. Uhm, but I think it comes down to like the hangover the next day, like the triple distilled, like you're supposed to not feel it as much the next day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charcoal filtered. You want that good charcoal filtered Kirkland? There's gonna be a hangover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you don't wanna be drinking like Kalashnikov all night or whatever the fuck like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are steep. The indoor ones are steep. Do you wear socks around the house? Okay, good, good, good. Okay, slippery, slippery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the, I had stone steps in my old house. It's like the Spanish style kind of. And they're round, are they rounded?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about sponsorship. Just sponsorship, let's roll. Who would you want to sponsor you as a luggager?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not saying you can get them at the Grove, but I guarantee you they're at Marshalls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't they call it the cockpit? One of these underwear brands calls that thing the cockpit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not the case. You have to wash them, you know, maybe wear them weekly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Do you rock, uh, the like super long Duluth trading company underwear that goes down your kneecaps?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen those commercials during football games where they like, flash to different shapes and sizes or whatever? And there's a fucking underwear that goes down to the knees. Yeah. Dude, that's what I want. Really? It's gotta be for like, riding a horse or some shit? That's great. What's it doing? That's gotta be hot. I don't know, why would you want underwear that goes down that far?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a new brand, they're doing commercials now that I've seen, like during playoffs, and it's like, I don't know what the fuck they're called, I don't want to plug them, but they're like chinos with built-in boxer briefs, and I'm like, so you just have to wash your pants every day? The fuck are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a documentary on them, right? Oh, that place is, that place is great. Yeah, yeah. They've got a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to Winchell's the other day, and I was like, I just feel like a donut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I might come here every day. Like it got, it was bad. No, that's good. Nobody knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I couldn't lie, I was, I was blown away by just a fucking, uh, like a chocolate donut. Right? So good. It was unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, like a dough, like a regular doughnut with the chocolate frosting on top. And it was unreal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about one thousand? For one thousand dollars? Ooh, good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's cool is that, and I appreciated this at the time, is that we tripped on the freighter wrong, we posed this to like one of the assistants or two of the assistants, like, hey, would you eat a donut out of the toilet for $500? And they passed because they're like, that's gross. Who would do that? That's disgusting. And you were like, I'll do it right now to teach them a lesson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the PAs, they don't get paid well. $500 is like half a week's worth of what they're making.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cake is different because the cake itself has a, there's sugar and sweetness into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're up on my board. It is Pride Month. I almost wore a big rainbow today. Happy Pride Month. I know. I got some shoes that are rainbow colored. Almost ripped them out. What do you have that's a big rainbow?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, hey, it's good. The class wasn't broken for about five years, but I still rock with it. Lean with it.


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[Assistant] I think he was kinda, she was complaining or bringing something up about something and he was like, just stop. And she was like, mm-mm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's like the broad, like I just read like a headline and I'm doing even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what'd she go? For Precious? Right? And by the way, that's kind of her point, is everyone's like, you won an Oscar, and she's like, yes, I'm an Oscar winner, like why isn't this known, why isn't this out there? But then, I think people are kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop complaining. I think DL was like, nobody cares, just, just do your thing.


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[Assistant] Here's my thing, uh, I thought it was good. Tom Cruise is a gift to us all. To be alive at this time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do a football one, which is offense and defense at the same time. In the new one, it's the same kind of scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the one from the 90s. You've seen this machine? All I know is it's a massive machine and it's $14,600 or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, what I've seen is this one heap, maybe he used to work out on this, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got, on one side it has a very deep stair climber type thing, and on the other side it has like a bench press thing that you, you're setting up, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, you're sitting in like a regular seat, and then you bench press out and then lean forward, and then you have to row it back. So you're doing a push and a pull, and you do that Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and then you do the legs Tuesday, Thursday, whatever. But you do it as intense as possible for that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you saw the thing before the movie, Tom comes out and is like, hey everyone, we're super excited you're here. Guess what? This movie, the G's are real, the planes are real, we really did it. And he does look old in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not like there was a clip that's played. Wait, he came out before your movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I think maybe I saw it on IMAX, so maybe it was for IMAX.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, is she like a multi-millionaire bartender? She has a house on the beach that you're like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, from FX? No, come on. How great is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just gonna say, we've done this before, we've ranked Mountain Dews before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was, there were two other flavors with Baja Blast? Very close to Baja Blast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, uh, can I get somebody over to aisle five to unlock this so I can get some dark temptation?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, uh, Excite? That's Axe Body Spray. By the way, this is just telling me that Mountain Dew has naming shit on lock and Axe is kinda lazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because dicks have gotten larger, dude. It's all the processed meats we're eating. Your storage locker was a rat nightclub. It was going off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, all the time. He did it like four times within, uh, within his little segment. About how they're back. Yeaah, I mean that's not ours. It's a kid, a college kid. I know, I'm saying we all stole from this college kid. I'm not saying he stole from us. Well no, everybody stole from Poltergeist. But we're more


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that that's a tear. A tear to you. It's Disney than everything else.


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[Assistant] Dude, they obviously, they're listening to this podcast. They have all the time in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Iron Giant's great. I like, I like the Iron Giant. I like Brave Little Toaster more, and if I'm being real, the first Land Before Time, that's some real shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? How? Vin Diesel? He wasn't even famous. He was a voice actor before he became Vin Diesel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is why I didn't really fuck with the Iron Giant as much as- I didn't either. Because it was- What? I mean, dude, I was in 9th grade, I wasn't watching- It's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That must have been like right when they started like having celebrities do voices. Because before that, it was just voice actors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buzz Lightyear and what are you? Toy Story came out in 19... 1995. Toy Story's 95, yea. Toy Story's 95.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, well then Aladdin, for sure. Aladdin's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, wait, wait, and so his name is Lorenzo Music. And that's what he goes by?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, points! I watched, uh, Afterlife yesterday, uh, on the plane. It's fuckin' great, dude. Isn't it? Yeah. What was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Afterlife. Oh you saw it. Oh cool. Yeah, I finally saw it. I ain't seen it yet. I gotta watch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you, you, you got podcast the character. I'm like, uh, the Funko. And, and I loved him. Sweet podcast. Uh, so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very nice, very nice. They gave everyone their moment. It was fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so the reason we started late and I apologize guys, but I went and got my truck this morning already Cardinals are shitting all over my door and scratching my windows. It's already happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But on top of it, I had to swing by my storage center where I put everything. All my shit. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, it-it fuckin' sucks. So I was dealing with that, and I thought I could just grab the shit and go, uh, and then it was like... Come on, Adam. You know you didn't have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if I put it back, I'm gonna put like 25,000 rat traps. That's cool. Oh my god. It's a rat massacre when I open it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I was covered, I was covered in rat shit when I was, uh, texting to please push 30 minutes. I was like, I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a ton of cheese. I did have lorries. I did. It was a lot of like spices that I put on like my chicken and shit. I had a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you said that no other storage facility in the area had any rat problems, I'd believe it because there was so much shit. There was so much shit. You couldn't see the stuff. It was covered in rat shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think I'm going to do that because I want to buy a freaking vroom vroom baby. I want to get a little golf cart this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna buy a golf cart this year instead of renting one. Cause it's like a thousand dollars a month to rent and I'm here for seven months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could buy a golf cart essentially for that. You know, you could buy a pretty decent one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, it was Chloe's rice, and she, she likes rice, she eats rice all day long. She's constantly eating rice. Dude, I fucking love rice. One at a time? Wait, do you guys have rice cookers? No, it's, it's like Minute Rice, you know, it's like, it's pretty doo-doo. Oh, invest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All that an investment is cashing out on a rice cooker?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That's the first time. Okay. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instead of selling it and having $20,000 so you could buy multiple rice cookers and not overdraft your- Oh, it's not worth that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. No, yeaah. I got mine before. And I got the Camaro Super Sport. Durs got a sick Volvo. Blake got a Jeep wrapped in an American flag with American Baldi on the front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Kyle got the charger, right? I had the challenger. Challenger, yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was a, that was a very fun day because we all showed up to work and, and we were like, come look at our new cars and we spent half the day just checking each other's cars out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I-I can't remember that exactly. Did I, Blake? No, Blake, didn't you get that- didn't you get that up in the bay? I don't think I did. I did, I got it.


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[Assistant] People, I think, could have thought that I would buy the American Eagle Bald, uh, American Bald Eagle.


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[Assistant] Do you understand the love of that, of that first car, the first like nice car that we, uh, you know, had our own money and we went and bought it and it wasn't like a hand-me-down or like a shitty hoopty that it was ours. It was ours.


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[Assistant] Wait, Harrison Ford was, drove your Jeep across country?


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[Assistant] It had just come out. After the Trump row.


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[Assistant] Well, it was, it was while we were writing season two that we did all this. It wasn't like right.


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[Assistant] Well Blake, I think, I think, I think Durs is right. I don't think we were, the show had come out yet at that time.


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[Assistant] Yes, that's the only way because- Cause the Trump roast was probably huge.


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[Assistant] If you guys remember the night that I got my Camaro, I had a show in Orange County and I featured for uh, Tom Segura and his uh, wife Christina. Nice. Christina P at some bar with like 40 people in the bar and I drove down and


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[Assistant] Yeah, well honestly, I was like, I have to make this show and it was, it happened like 20 minutes into the drive of like an hour and a half long drive and I'm like, oh fuck.


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[Assistant] I did it a lot, a lot, but like in high school, I did it a lot. It was probably like four or five times. But in high school, because I would put like $11 in my tank, you know, like I didn't have any money to fill my tank up. So it was a lot of like,


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[Assistant] Okay, I got, I got 750, I'm putting it in my tank, that should last me a little while, and then-


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[Assistant] I guess that also happened to me where I would just pull over on the side of the road and leave my car there for a few days.


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[Assistant] How long it's been since we've seen some of these people because a lot of them lived in, uh, Orange County. Like 18 years ago and Blake looked at my parents and goes, yeah, Adam and Austin's apartment. That was a really scary time.


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[Assistant] And I'm like, what? And he goes, it was scary over there, dude. I was like really scared every time I went over and I'm like, why is it scary? And he goes, you lived in that scary alleyway? And I go, no, I didn't.


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[Assistant] And, and, and then I go, well, first of all, I never was like a huge drug guy. And I'm like, what are you talking about? We did like a ton of drugs. And he was like, dude, I don't know. Every time I went over there, you guys were doing all kinds of scary drugs. And I'm like, Blake, what are you talking about? And he goes, whippets?


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[Assistant] Hey, and it took us about 40 minutes, but we finally mentioned Jizz. RING THE BELLS!


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude. Yeah, I also, I also didn't know this. This is, this is fun. Yeah, behind the counter. Counter, behind the counter.


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[Assistant] I like that my very normal apartment scared Blake enough that 20 years later he had to tell my parents that. Uh, but meanwhile he's hanging out in porno shops, uh, getting the poppers.


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[Assistant] What's hilarious though is they did exactly what they always do. My parents, what my parents always do is they came in night one.


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[Assistant] They were just like wasted, night one, that the next day was the wedding. That they were too hungover to have a great time at the wedding.


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[Assistant] They were having fun, but you could tell there were, there were, there were leaving some in the, in the tank. And I'm like, oh yeah, this is, this is there. I mean, this is where I get it from. This is such a divine move of like night one. You, you burn so bright that the next night you're like,


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[Assistant] But, uh, very very fun, uh, very very fun wedding.


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[Assistant] Right. Zach works at the, the frog shop in Newport Beach, which is like a, an old surf shop. Very cool. Very well known. And all of the guys that worked there, uh, street around. So it was really cool about like 30 minutes into dancing, there was just like a ton of like surfer guys, nutsacks just flopping about.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, they, they for sure, that, I, I mean, yes.


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[Assistant] Also, Michelangelo, if that was a real sculpture, which I don't think he posed butt-ass naked, the guy was shredded. Isn't that David? It's David. It's David, yes.


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[Assistant] Oh, so you, you ran out of gas literally basically in your driveway.


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[Assistant] I haven't, no, I would like to thank you guys for, uh, allowing me to be 30 minutes late. I apologize. I wanted to be right on time, but, uh, you know.


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[Assistant] All my shit is covered in rat shit and rat piss. Do I?


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[Assistant] Do I, uh, I, like I had some suitcases that it was not on. Oh. Do I clean the suitcases? The things? Is a way about to send you some shit? No, okay, no luggage talk.


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[Assistant] I don't know exactly, I'm gonna look, I'm gonna look, uh, but it's, it's, it's no good, it's real bad, so.


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[Assistant] Oh, you mean like a movie star and his friend who make huge movies and that still can't get like on anybody's radar?


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[Assistant] What do you think the record is for somebody getting it?


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[Assistant] Are you a cool guy who's like in the corner texting with like just the mask under the chin?


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[Assistant] I've never, I've never had it on my chin. I've either just- You're always- I'll just take it off, or I'll just open it to the side if I'm gonna take a drink.


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[Assistant] Wait and see. You for real said that and you're like, I mean I'm out and like four nights a week I'm out and I'm not getting it. And then you've gotten it twice.


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[Assistant] Well sure, unless you want a fucking hospital dealing with a bunch of people.


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[Assistant] We're doing COVID and meanwhile you're like, Hey, I just got hit by a car and my lungs punctured. And they're like, well, we got people on lung things or whatever, you know?


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[Assistant] Uhm, not because I don't like people that aren't vaccinated. I think you guys are, you're fine people. If you're unvaccinated, you're still probably, some of my good friends are unvaccinated, I imagine, right? But also, like, it can kill you. So, I'll see you around. Finish him.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, come on, like, we can't carry this weight of all these people dying anymore. Like, if you were right off the gate like 48 hours after we found out about this, being like, well people die, you're kind of a dickhead, but now that we know it's here to stay, like, how long can we be like,


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[Assistant] We're doing this for every single person, when like, not everyone's in it, so, fuck it.


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[Assistant] If you're old or like, super hefty, it's a bummer. It's a bummer, but uh, you know what, maybe, maybe this is God's plan.


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[Assistant] Did I tell you guys that when I was filming down in the south, uh, this woman said that at her church, people were calling it the mark of the beast. And I was like, that's all it is? Like 666? Like when you get the shot, it's, they're like, that's the mark of the beast from the Bible. And I was like, yes Satan. Sick.


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[Assistant] Doesn't, doesn't remember before the pandemic. Oh shit. Like doesn't remember masks.


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[Assistant] He like, did a look, like looking off in the distance, like trying to imagine it, and then looked at me like, what? Like, what do you mean? And I was like, okay, you don't know what I'm talking about.


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[Assistant] No, at that age I feel like all my pants were like, elasticized or whatever, so it would just be like a...


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[Assistant] But no, no, no, no, even like your corduroys for like church or whatever had like a little elastic in the band, like on the sides. For just so parents could riff


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[Assistant] The asshole things, the asshole things in the house were never like a planned go get a switch type thing where like it took a bunch of time where he's like, oh you got in trouble at school?


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[Assistant] Exactly, it wasn't gonna be like, uhm, planned out. Uh, but yeah, it would just be like, if you put your hand there, you move your hand. Yeah, dude, I remember that.


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[Assistant] I remember specifically, this happened a few times, and I do love my mom.


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[Assistant] Woah! She's dealing with three boys, a lot on her plate. Uhm, she'd be like, she'd come in my room in the morning and go, hey, we're leaving for school in like ten minutes or whatever. And I'd be like, I don't want to go, like I'm just laying in bed. And then she'd come in like five minutes later and go, we're leaving in five minutes. And I'm like, uuuhhh.


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[Assistant] Is that why whenever I used to call shotgun you'd start crying and I'd be like, it's fine, alright dude, sorry, he loves riding shotgun. Hey, wait a minute.


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[Assistant] We had a teacher, we ran, we went through, in Spanish, one regular, which is like, a class you shouldn't even have to have in high school, cause you've already taken Spanish in middle school, but like, it was if you just weren't doing great.


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[Assistant] Uhm, they would pretend not to understand the Spanish. And then just be like, I'm fucking with you. And then, just like, just wear them down.


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[Assistant] Like the whole class was in on it. There were like 5 or 6 of the 10 of us. It was like a, it was a trifling little fucking group of, cause there's no way you should be in Spanish 1 regular as, I think it was like a, I think my senior year or junior year when I took my last Spanish class, I was in it with all freshmen.


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[Assistant] No, my sophomore year. And then my junior year.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's gotten better since, but uh. You were allowed to graduate with two years of a language, but then when I got to college, they were like, what are you doing? You need to take language again. And I was like, oh fuck, so I took Norwegian. I took French in middle school. You took Norwegian? Yeah, yeah, I'll get there.


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[Assistant] Uh, I took French in middle school, and I was like, I want my name to be Jean-Claude, you know how they give you a name? Yep. So I was like, JCVD, and then they were like, someone already has that, and I go, okay, so I thought the dash part?


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[Assistant] I know, I remember guys like you, you're having fun, and then on the exam, like the one, no homework, but then on the exam, they'd be like, yea, I gotta B+, and you'd go, what? You cheated! That's not what we agreed to. We studied, we all said that.


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[Assistant] Cause I had to like pass, it's math. You can't graduate if you don't pass math. Which I had failed.


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[Assistant] I guess I gotta transfer? This in the hallway? Oh yea. Look, I don't give a-


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[Assistant] But then I went to Ms. Erby. Shout out Dawn Erby. She's the one who, uh, she gave me a test that I just wrote my name on and gave it back to her because I was like, I don't know the answer. And she was like, just go ahead and try. And I was like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] I loved her. She always wore like the fucking freshest wind suits.


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[Assistant] They would say, hey, that's actually not how you do it. And I go, but the answer is right. And they go, right, but we need you to learn it this way. Which I'm sure is like the building blocks of math, because if you do it correctly here, then you can do the next thing or whatever. But I just, I was like, I don't, that's so much harder for me to get than to do it this other way.


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[Assistant] It's a vibe. It's a vibe. They might look like a horse now or something, but like, back in the day, they had the vibe. We're like, if they're sitting in front of you and they turn around, they're like, did you need a pencil today?


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[Assistant] What would you guys have here? Is that the bite cage? No, we went, uh,


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[Assistant] Were there more, uh, girl fights or boy fights? We had way more girl fights for sure. There was for sure more.


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[Assistant] What, the mask with Jim Carrey? No, no, mask with, uh...


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[Assistant] With their, with their tough nipple, the guys with the tough nipples. We talked about it before. When the nipples, the under the nipple gets real firm. When they're developing. Oh yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] But like in high school or middle school, like you would see the dad strength come out and just put some little seventh or eighth grader in like a fucking bear hug and be like, you want to hit me? You know?


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[Assistant] Kyle's dad's style? Yeah. Uh, it was fuckin', you would, and you'd be like, whoa, Mr. So-and-so fuckin' got in there.


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[Assistant] Did I tell you guys about this? A few years ago, we were at a park, and uh, I'm watching Arnie, he's like,


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[Assistant] So Arnie's three, he's three years old maybe, like almost four. That's right, youthful. And he's on the monkey bars, uh, and he's like hanging there or whatever. Wild man at three? That's pretty tough. And then some kid who I found out was seven.


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[Assistant] He comes up behind him and then just wraps his lugs, wraps his legs around Arnie. Arnie doesn't know this kid, I don't know this kid. He starts, Arnie freaks out. Like American Gladiator style. Exactly. He was, this kid Malibu's my son.


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[Assistant] Can't support the weight of this kid's legs and falls and like eats shit and I go HEY!


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[Assistant] And the other kid looks and drops down and I go, I check with R&R, you okay? And he's crying and I go, how old are you? And the other kid's like, what? I go, how old are you? He's like, seven. I go, you're seven years old. He's three. Do you understand that? You don't do that to a three year old. You're seven. Okay. You're the big kid. You gotta act like it. We're your parents. Please tell me.


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[Assistant] Just off wandering. Yea, he's just a wild child. I go go over there and take five minutes.


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[Assistant] And then I was like, alright, I just yelled at some fucking strange people. By the way, that's how it used to be!


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[Assistant] If you're being a fucking psycho on the playground, some strange parent would come over and go, hey, what are you doing? Don't do that, you know?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what it had to be. I mean like, cause by the way, if my kid is being a total fucking psycho turd at a playground, put him to check.


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[Assistant] I'm not there, put him in check, please, so that he knows. And by the way, it's better when it's a stranger, because then you're like, woah, some fucking person I don't know.


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[Assistant] By the way, if a teenager starts fighting you in front of your kids, you have to fight back. You have to fight. You have to win. And even if you get your ass whooped, you have to bite that kid.


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[Assistant] They were playing like tag, were they playing like flag football or something? Or soccer? Or something, and it got a little heated. Yea, he started to talk shit.


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[Assistant] Say some shit. Say some shit. And then Kat was mouthing off. I'm not gonna say nothing. Yeah, he did start to be like, nah, fuck this, I'm outta here. And then the kid knew. He was like, oh, I'm gonna follow this dude. And then I think when Kat turned around it got bad.


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[Assistant] Very funny. The best. This dude made, he did his stand up, the first 15 minutes were about how hot it is in Jacksonville. And by the way, I'm sure he does every city like that.


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[Assistant] Paul Mooney used to have like, uh, women hold like towels for him that would come out. He would just like fully stop from his comedy routine. A woman would come out with a towel and wipe him down. Give it, no, he would take it, dab himself, give it back and like send her on her way and then just


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[Assistant] You're going to the next story and you're like- That's so cool. Stage, stage confidence. Mhm. Like-


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[Assistant] Adam, do that with me and Ders, man. I'd love that. I'll come out and hand you a towel. I'd love that, guys.


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[Assistant] Are towels still happening in comedy? There was an era. Towel comedy? We're like someone would always be carrying a towel. That shit's important.


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[Assistant] They're playing tonight, baby. Whatever that fucking Vegas bowl is versus ASU. Who's got money on it?


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[Assistant] I mean, let's talk to some of our close sponsors, you know, like Trojan, very close to us. The Trojan Bowl would be sick. Dude, I would love to lube up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weed conglomerate, uh, come to us, we'll be your guys, and we will host the...


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[Assistant] It's legal almost everywhere. It can be a little frickin' annoying. Yeah, that's dope.


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[Assistant] Let's make it happen. Big weed company that wants to promote themselves. Yeah, cookies.


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[Assistant] Adam, were you just gonna say that? I was gonna say, yeaah. Wow, it's that time already. It is. Uh, you know, I'd like to take back that I said upwards of seven times that teachers are constantly trying to suck their students off.


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[Assistant] Is there a famous, allegedly, that we could put on the board, Blaze?


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[Assistant] My cousin Vinny. Oh, there's gotta be a- Well, but I don't know any of those lines. I don't even know if I've ever seen that movie. From- My cousin Vinny?


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[Assistant] Do you guys, have you watched any like of these award movies? Is there anything that you can recommend to me?


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[Assistant] I know. I hadn't seen any of the Spiderman, so I don't. I just watched the first Tobey Maguire Spiderman with my kids the other day and they fucking loved it.


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[Assistant] But like also, well done and like excited, like, they're not just like a good time like popcorn, they're like, they hit the beats. They're where you're like, you care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I watched House of Gucci. Ohhhh. Yeah, I saw it. It was fine. Yeah, I thought it would be more like...


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[Assistant] Uhm, like beautiful, like more, like vistas and stuff to make me feel like I wanna go to Italy.


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[Assistant] And I'll be honest, whenever they did those glamour shots, I was like, these aren't making the show better.


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[Assistant] They kind of like took me out of it for a second. I'd be like, what are we doing? Let's get back to, uh, the guy you know.


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[Assistant] And I'll be like, I'm about to trap a whole bunch of piss in this diaper and still sit in it.


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[Assistant] It feels a little wispy, it doesn't feel full.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm up at 6-6-30. That's cool.


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[Assistant] They're great, man. They're fucking, I kinda crave them now. I haven't had them in a while. I gotta go when I go to LA.


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[Assistant] Is the subway standard three meatballs per foot long? That seems insane. How do you cut that? That's terrible.


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[Assistant] No. Dog, they got it there now, they got it in bulk there now, and I pick it up by the tray and I throw it in the fridge. What do you pick up by the tray? Waterloo? Waterloo. They got so many dope ass drinks at Costco, dude.


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[Assistant] And you're nuts, like saying it's building crystals in the nuts, which I don't like, but I think it's just a fucking deal. It's, I bought it in bulk. It's a Costco thing.


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[Assistant] I think that's what the Costco black card is, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yessir. And you also have, like, these guys are wealth of knowledge about, uh, the park, so you can ask any question, like, hey, what's up with that? They become your friend by the end of the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're sick. So that's like a thing is, you know, that's, it was cool. We did both parks, California Adventure and- That's a come up, bro. Uh, fucking Disneyland in one day. Like with, with 10 people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we were on, in Disneyland, we were hitting 25k a day. Okay. Damn son, where'd you find that? So then though, we didn't have it for the next two days and we used the fucking genie pass that's just on the, on the app.


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[Assistant] You're like hovering. You're hovering on the floor. I couldn't figure out how we were moving because you're in like a car that's moving by itself and you're like, what? How is this happening?


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[Assistant] And you're going up and down and you're interacting with fucking screens and then you're also interacting with real life, uh, people and maybe some stormtroopers get jumped.


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[Assistant] I think that's so dope and exactly what theme parks need to be doing is shit like that fully immersed like escape room type shit for your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are you saying drop zone is, that's a cool name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, there was a- I mean, yea, that's the worst. I will say that I had a new fear. Why are you doing this? I'm sorry, dude, it sticks with me. I had a new fear pop up at Disneyland, bro. Like- Alright, now he's got a new fear. What? Oh my god! Or did you say- or did you say you got a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you know how you have to buckle into the little cars ride and shit, you know, and it goes hella slow and you're looking, you're having hella fun. That ride fucking like stopped for like 10 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's no way of like loosening up your harness. Wherever it's at is where it is. And you can't... I fucking...


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[Assistant] Yeah, what the hell. I don't know what, it was just like the restraints. Did you need to go pee-pee-poo-poo? No, no pee-pee-poo-poo. I had already done that. I just freaked like if something happened, I couldn't actually get out, you know? But what was gonna happen?


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[Assistant] I was like, what's going on? Do you drive with the seatbelt? Yeah, but you always have the choice to unbuckle it, Anders. I don't think you're... I know, but are you going to? Not always. Not always, motherfucker. Well, what do you mean?


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[Assistant] Careful, they're listening. The AIs? The fuckin' AIs out there?


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[Assistant] Wait, you're actually, you're actually convinced that these are deep fakes? These are just like CG? Like they're just painting, augmenting reality? Yes. We had remote control


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[Assistant] I mean, it is scary when you think about something possibly with that amount of strength turning on you without any kind of, uh, you can't, you can't stick your fucking hand down that thing's throat to stop it. You know what I mean? There's some robots you can't, you can't do that to anything.


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[Assistant] It's not a cup, it's like a, there's a, there's an actual, like, fucking diamond name for it. Ramekin, thank you. You can get your little plastic ramekin, fill that bad boy up with all the different sauces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called a ramekin. Yeah, it's a ramekin. It's a ramekin with a top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like what makes a bowl a bowl, you know? I think you're asking that type of question. Why do we call it a plate?


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[Assistant] Here we go, we're in the chats. R-A-M-E like ramen.


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[Assistant] Who was gaffling the Cholulas? They don't have Cholula at Chipotle. Oh, from Chipotle. Sorry, I forgot where we were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would have done a, I don't know what this chicken or like. Yeah, we're not talking meats. Putting it on a taco is there's too many flavors to judge. This is what you pour it in your burrito as you eat your burrito.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I like the move. I like, I'll take it back, but I like the move of putting that. I'm not saying that like,


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[Assistant] You know, I don't know that I could walk around with the fucking shit in my under- in my diaper. You know, I think that would be the weirdest shit on planet earth. You might get a retweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's hot. I could do it. I could do it. Cause sometimes even when I like, you know, will be in the pool, like I'll just get out and then you just pee. You know, you just pee your shorts. You guys don't- Like on the cement?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. It's going away from the body. It'd be weird to be like- But to just be sitting where you are now. And be like, I'm about to trap a whole bunch of piss in this diaper and still sit in it. I could do it. I could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do it right now. It is nasty, dude. I think I would change it in the- how long could you wear it afterwards though? I don't want to. No, no, I'm not even- I don't care about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's hit you hard. I mean, you're just talking about when you get a really, really fucking hard trigger warning. It's like, you gotta fucking go take care of it. Batter up!


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[Assistant] Blue Mountain State? Oh, Blue Mountain State, I believe, was. That's Pike TV? Right? I think so.


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[Assistant] Do you remember how they would tell you to clean it and just throw it in the dishwasher?


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[Assistant] Well, that's it. That's never gonna, that's uh, we'll just throw this out now, right? Like, just throw it out. How dare you? How dare you wash it with other dishes? With people in your household? No, that's what I didn't do. I just tossed it. The concept of washing a fucking


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[Assistant] What was that? What was a pocket? I don't even know what a pocket pussy was.


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[Assistant] Damn. I feel like you might have just bought- That! What the hell is that? You might have just like, bought this on your own time, bro. Yeah, I don't know what the hell that- I don't think this was a sponsor thing. This is just something you might have just-


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[Assistant] Yeah, I will say that like when we got the show and we would sit around a table all day.


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[Assistant] Shout out Jason Altschul. When we got the show and started writing around a writers room table, it felt like old school D&D just making shit up and trying to get the characters where you needed them to go.


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[Assistant] Well the Pokemon card game, my nephew will play Pokemon cards with me too, but he's not playing like...


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[Assistant] Where you actually have to cast whatever their form of mana is. Yeaah. He's playing where you're just like, is my number bigger than your number? It's just basically war with Pokemon cards. I was like, what about all this? You have to cast all this. This is your life source. He's like, we don't play with that.


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[Assistant] What does the trans stand for in trans fats? You guys know? What does the trans stand for in trans fats? Oh god, you sound like such a boomer.


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[Assistant] Son of a bitch. Do you remember when I said garden galaxy? Yes. Yes, I knew that that was wrong. Okay. So then what is it? Frixia! Guardians of the galaxy. I know what it is.


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[Assistant] It's bow something, baby. Who's the big, I don't know. You don't know that character's name? No, sorry. Unfortunately, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Big green guy. Yes, he's like the


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about...


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[Assistant] Man, were you thinking about it all week? Guys, guys, I joined the USA pickleball association.


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[Assistant] Well yeaah, I'm, I'm completely planning on getting my ass handed to me on a silver platter baby. And is that fun? Well I gotta start somewhere. I'm, I'm in a long game here to try and like be professional by the, by like mid fifties, you know. So I have like fifteen years to like get through all the ranks and stuff. Yeaah, that's true. That is long.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not in a rush. I'm very much just kinda like gonna start seeing if the world is for me.


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[Assistant] I know, but it's gonna make me smile and like, this is not about like, it's just about me doing something fucking strange for myself, kind of.


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[Assistant] Well that's the hard part, because if you're just mediocre, where are you supposed to go? What were you supposed to learn?


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[Assistant] But that one, I don't know, I don't know, that one just, I guess I just had enough of it and I moved back to the valley too and that was, didn't make it easier.


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[Assistant] Is that pickleball country up there? I don't know. You know, I think it's like kind of moving around. I'm just looking at the tournaments. There's a lot in Southern California, Newport beach and you know, down there. Oh, he's coming back. Oh dang. Welcome. Welcome back. I'll be down there. This, this also gives me, it also gives me weekends. You can stay at the house brother. Exactly. I can come down on, on.


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[Assistant] You have no hobby? What about like anything, any skills?


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[Assistant] We're gonna do this. Hey, when we do... I feel like paintball, I would get in on that with you guys like straight up. Fly anywhere in the world to play paintball with you guys.


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[Assistant] No, but Paintball, you have like the barrel and the fucking hopper and all the shit.


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[Assistant] But in five years, I think you, I think you're arguing something which I don't know why, because it's, I think you can be good at paintball in five years. You said it.


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[Assistant] Also, we, we also constitute, we said, we said that, uh, to get pro, you have to be sponsored. So this is just getting somebody to send you gear in your hobby and then you're fucking pro. So that's what you said.


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[Assistant] Okay, so let's change the value of pro. Let's change that. What is that? Being paid money. You're being paid money by either... Money. You have to win money or pay or you have to win money? Can you win money?


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[Assistant] Paintball is the best. I'm into doing a team with you guys and actually really trying this. It hurts so much. It hurts so much to get shot.


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[Assistant] Like in your shoes or on a bike? You like run and no, like just jumping, like running and like jumping and you'd get like, like the princess bride, extra air. Cause it's like, you're going downhill and then you'd roll a little bit and get back up and be like, damn.


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[Assistant] That's different than aggressive skating. Aggressive skating is the grinds and the clunkers.


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[Assistant] I think, I don't know something, but he's a storyteller, man. There's been plenty of- No, he's a story-believer. You're a liar. I want to see the text. It probably was misspelled. There's a plenty- no, but he also does a lot of like, filling in blanks to make it


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a bad movie. Yeah, that movie kicked butt, dude. That's one of my favorite movies of all time.


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[Assistant] I think he knows that I wanted it when I was eight years old and we were in Korea.


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[Assistant] No, he just plays. He just plays in reality. He's just playful.


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[Assistant] Think about this. No, it didn't. He was drunk, he was acting bro. Trust.


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[Assistant] I guarantee this. No. He played you in that moment. I guarantee this. Oh shit, so Dirk was the one that got pulled. Oh my god.


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[Assistant] Whenever you're telling a good story and you kind of embellish a little bit and then somebody calls the other person out, then you're like, hey man, let me tell my fucking story. That's basically what it is. You know what I mean? Like there's no reason for you to cut in front. This is a ride.


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[Assistant] Normally he's very much more mo-


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I would argue that like- Sugar watermelon. Marshmallow. Marshmallow, baby. Cotton candy marshmallow. Like, Beetlejuice is amazing.


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[Assistant] Normalize it. Normalize it. Now's the time. Now's the time. Normalize it, bitch.


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[Assistant] It has to do with thick skin, if you have thick skin.


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[Assistant] So, you got hit with, I like your content. For real. It used to kinda be like, hey I like your comedy, is something people would say broadly. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, we know you're suicidal and we don't want that to happen.


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[Assistant] What's the movie you did where everyone dressed up for Halloween? Was somebody dressed as Satan in that?


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[Assistant] In Las Vegas and we like had one scenario where we dressed up as people in a cult and we ordered a pizza and the whole thing was like deliveries and you would come into the house, there's cameras everywhere and you'd come into like a crazy situation and we were the crazy situation.


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[Assistant] And when the person came in, we had, we tried to like lure them into our like, uh, ritual that we're doing, right? And this fucking enormous biker comes in and he does not look like he's fucking around.


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[Assistant] But one of the other people in this group was like, yeah, come on in, come on back here. And we were all like, get it, get it, get it, get it. And he was like, what's going on here? And she starts kind of spelling out what our cult is. And then the guy goes.


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[Assistant] I get it. I understand. I've lived a thousand lives and I keep coming back to kill a woman named Catherine. And we all- And she was- he was dead serious. Dead serious.


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[Assistant] He said he had killed people before and he keeps coming back and he like described how he was like a little boy and we were like, oh, huh? Okay.


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[Assistant] And then he starts steaming and he starts yelling at people and he says, I'm going to go get my AK-47 and when I come back, I'm going to murder or shoot everyone here. And then he took off on his motorcycle or in a jeep? Motorcycle, right? I think it was a motorcycle.


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[Assistant] A few years ago, but we should give him his flowers because that I think up until that point, his backyard fighting was the craziest thing I had ever seen in my life.


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[Assistant] Like really, really and truly, uhm, on the Mount Rushmore of like viral videos. Yeaah. He's up there for me. Him and the lady who- Him and the chocolate rain. Oh, Taze on Day. And the lady who fell off the grapes.


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[Assistant] Let's be, we did, let's be clear though, uhm, plenty of other shows had viral video, like concepts where it's like, let's watch this and da da da.


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[Assistant] I know, but he actually, he actually added to it. Like, he makes it better. You know what I mean? Yeah. Uh, can't say the same for the rest of those shows.


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[Assistant] I don't even know what song that is, but I would say like when it's up and it's stuck, it's like when you got a boner and it just won't go down. Sure, then you put it in your belt loop. Here comes Cardi B, tuck it into your belt.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but there might be a ghostwriter at Jimmy Fallon who's like, hey, it'd be funny to say this.