[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know if I'd be fine. I would be a bit like, okay, what is this guy doing? But at the same time, like, I think there's, there's, there's, uh, innocent and acceptable nudity and then there's inappropriate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a juvenile sense of humor, which I don't mind either, like I know a couple of people who are like that, that are just- I thought it was fine. Like one guy I grew up with, I've seen his dick probably more times than I've seen my own dick, because the big joke was his dick was just out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if somebody fell asleep or passed out or whatever, uhm, you know, his dick would just be like on their shoulder or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, he was just a bit of a prankster, you know, he just liked to, he just liked the reaction. He just liked, you know, he just liked, not so much shocking people, but it was all, it was all in, in good fun, you know, I think, I think the people he did it to, he knew he would get a good reaction from or whatever, you know, like he wasn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, oh no. Yeah, it's funny, but, like, y'know, he was good in that he didn't do it all the time. The times he did it, it was very funny, but he never, like, overdid it either, y'know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a bit weird. I mean, it's kinda, it's, it's, I think it's weirder the older you get too. Like, when we were teenagers and stuff, it was, it was really funny. But, I mean, I, I, I mean, I don't live anywhere close to, I haven't seen him in a while. If he did that to me now, it's a thagging, you know, dad bod, and he's bald, and he was doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just seemed to put all of his, most of his skill points into being a defender in football. He's a very good defender.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. How long is this list? It's six items long. And what- okay, read them. Okay, I'll bite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wonder Bread, it's, uh, well they had it in America for sure, it's just stupid bread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, you know what? You know what I had recently? I went to get an eye test recently because I hadn't had one for like 12 years or whatever. I just wanted to check up on my eye health. You know, I was getting like some dryness and, uh, you know, just like, uh, I think cause I spent so much time at a computer or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just thought, you know what, I'm just gonna go in and get my eyes tested and just make sure. You know, I don't want like there to be any weird shit that I'm unaware of or whatever. So I went in and I got my eyes tested and I did the thing where you have to read out the letters and they put the different lenses on and you cover one eye and the other eye and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's like, okay, uhm, well, you've got better eyesight than a pilot. And I was like, oh, fantastic. And she said, I'm pretty sure you're never ever going to need glasses in your entire life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, wow, that's cool. And she's like, if you, you'll need reading glasses at some point in your life, but you can buy them anywhere. You don't need prescription ones. Just grab any, any sort of reading glasses from, you know, Walmart or whatever. Yeah, you see them in like, you see them in booths and the worst. So I thought that was pretty awesome. That is very, very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, you catch it early, and then if you had like a, you know, a drone that had the little tiny hose on it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gas! Just when it starts up, it can just get right down there, just give it a little squirt and it's done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you think it'll get to a point where we're just gonna fuck up or make our world so miserable with all this shit that eventually when we can reach beyond our solar system and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think they'll find a nice, you know, alpine planet that they'll just leave to nature and let people go there and just not set up industry and stuff, you know, like for all those people who want to live off the grid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just their own little planet that they can go to that's not spoiled by like all, all of, you know what I mean? It'd be nice, wouldn't it? It would be good, it'd be nice to think that we can find so many planets eventually that everybody could just have their own little, uh, paradise or something, you know? If you wanna live in like some heavily industrialized planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody just eats poutine and does portages all the time. And nothing else. You don't have to do anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's people that write in and say, we need a skate park. And then they turn around and they say, okay, we're going to build one right next to your house. And they say, we don't need a skate park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't, there's, there's a reason for where they live to stay exactly as it is, cause it's perfect, but everywhere else needs to change. Uh, because if not, then it threatens their perfect little patch of the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure every generation says this, but I cannot imagine that this generation of children will ever be able to afford to buy a house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of the time you can fix at about five years or whatever. So if you fixed about five years ago at basically like no interest or whatever, your payments were what they were, but now they've gone up a lot. When you're coming to renegotiate or refix your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even, even just the cost of acquiring property, like the bank, if you're, if you're a single person and you're earning say like 50 grand a year or whatever, most banks are only going to lend you about five times what you earn. If that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, so if you don't have a down payment, you're, you're immediately excluded. There's no, no chance. And, but not a lot of people have a massive down payment to put down. I mean, you're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars or pounds now for a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the east of London, last time I went through there, on the train, to get back to, uhm, to, uh, London city airport, I counted, and there was like, I'm not even joking, there was like 50 apartment blocks being built, there was cranes everywhere man, it was insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, these are like, anything going up now is going up in an area that's already been gentrified and the prices have been absolutely jacked right up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like a lot, I feel like a lot of these ideas come from people watching movies and stuff, but I mean, a lot of movies take place in California. I'm sure it's fine to live in a van in California. The weather's pretty good there all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us about your campervan shit. This whole, this, this whole subject is so fucking broad and complicated, like there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no solution to any of this stuff. The, the, the, the, the prices of houses, the market, all that. It's, it's, it's such a massive sprawling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd be on the picket line alone with your vibrant lifestyle, uh, cause everybody else is just too busy, uh, grinding up Fortnite bucks and stuff now. Nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to go and hit the picket lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I go braless all the time. As somebody who's developed breasts over the years and I don't have a bra and I don't need them and I think if you don't want to use one, you don't have to either. I should wear a bra. I have big tits now, but I don't, I'm not going to wear one. So you don't have to wear one either. I've decided. So there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, you know, if, if they make it on TV in America, they'll blur them out. Nobody will ever see them, so don't worry about it. Alright, no, good, that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, me too. That's how it works, right? That's right. Your sugar is ready daddy, thank you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I sent my kid to a boarding school and the first thing we got back from them was, your kid has twisted his testicles so hard, he's in the hospital, I would fucking lose it. I would be like, what have you done to my kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, funnily enough, if they reported back and they said he broke his arm or something, I'd be like, aw shit, that sucks, I hope he's gonna be okay, but I don't know, like, how do you fucking mangle your private parts?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know the word, but like not like shit, like I didn't feel like I wasn't vomiting or anything like that. Uh, but I just felt so washed out, you know, like it took forever to pee and stuff, you know, like your whole body just doesn't want that to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when I came around, it was, uh, the, the surgeon came up and he was like, everything's fine. We got your gallbladder out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normalized and you need to make sure that you pee as well, even though your body will not want you to pee or you, it'll take a while for you to be able to pee. Make sure you pee. Otherwise, uh, you know, we're going to have to give you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I felt fine and then I looked down at my leg and there was a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfectly square patch of hair missing from my inner thigh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close to like, where my dick and balls are. You know, like, fairly close. And I just thought...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was weird to discover that because, you know, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I just, that for me was the weirdest part of the whole thing. Like everything else, absolutely fine. You know, I can't, I can't say that I was weirded out, but that for me was, I kind of realized when I saw that, that literally they could have done anything to me and I would not have known or been able to do a thing about it. I was completely out, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeah, they're not, not great years, unless, I dunno, I, I feel like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Digestives are great. You can just grab them as you're passing and just have one or two, you know, like they're fun. They're good. They're nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't drink soda, so I'm not- It's alright. It's alright. I think it's fine, yeah. I think- Uh, Heinz Beans. Oh god, yeah. It's like a staple for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's degrees of it. I think Pot Noodle, the brand, is probably the most accessible. It's cheap. They're bad, though. We know they're bad. They're not great, yeah. Of course they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know about you guys, but Maltesers usually present themselves around Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody's written to you to say you should drop acid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we covered, I think we solved pretty much every problem once again, which is pretty typical of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're listening and we've also got our own little quips and goofs and gaffs to interject as well, which I think probably makes people feel better. Uhm, and tackling the big issue


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charisma. And in appropriate circumstances, which I gotta say, there's very, very few, if any, but somehow this guy pulled it off, I don't know. Keep your eye out for him. Yeah, keep your eye, just watch out for him. Don't! Yeah, and careful Kyle Walker, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you're telling me that you went to a whole bunch of things and at one of them you must have acquired Covid. But you'd have to hope it was the last one, because that way you didn't give Covid to everybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that puts me off. I- I- The Lord of the Rings stuff I don't mind, cause, cause you know, it's still fantasy and everything, but I always thought


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, seeing like, some lion-headed warrior and some priestess of the moon and like an animated tree and like a deadly snake, and then there's fuckin' Jeff Goldblum on the card, I was like, ahh, I don't want this, I can skip this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You developed a moon rocket. Alright, that's okay. That makes more sense. You confused me. Carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I say, this is the most- This is a perfect UK piece of RP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can imagine Sips just being like, how could you do that for 8 hours? Like I'm just waiting for Sips to not be interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I don't like it, because it tends to say to me, I intend to sit by the pool for twelve hours a day, and then just drink myself into a stupor, and then repeat that for a week or ten days. That's what I think that is gonna be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what, you've seen them once now, next time you go, you'll say, oh, let's not book, we'll just get some tickets from the guys, but are they legit tickets, or are they just selling you a piece of paper that has a misspelled Disney on it? Well, I don't know, I mean, I didn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, because if sometimes you'll go to a gig, like, this used to be in person, now it's all done online. There's all these scam ticket reselling sites and the rest of it. But uhm, we used to go to, let's try and get in, and you just go to the gig, and if you don't get in, you just go to the pub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the, the mass purchasing of all the tickets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And on the day we're going to leave, you turn up, and we decide, yeah, you should come too, and we'll just hope to find tickets along the way. That doesn't seem likely. That's not a common occurrence. Like, the question is not, is there ever a market for someone to last minute need a ticket? There might be!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the time that we can do that for you, but there'll be four other passengers on the helicopter. If you want it now, you're gonna have to charter the whole thing, obviously. That's how that works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A spokesperson for Branson confirmed to the Sun newspaper that members of the band had been invited for a party on the island in 2010, but that he and friends and family had no recollection of the events, and there would never have been any intention to offend anyone. So, uh, he's saying that that's not the case, but apologizes if anyone felt offended.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Half a million dollars, or the chance to have dinner with Elon Musk, which would you choose? And the idea is if you're like a real entrepreneur, go get it. You don't take the money. You get the chance to get dinner with Musk and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and you get invited and, you know, you sort of turn up and it's like a conference with talks and stuff and it's only for uber uber rich people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not gonna see him, you're gonna see him for two seconds, he's gonna be like, there's this glowing aura of wealth around him, he's gonna be like, alright, I'll be up at my mansion, do not approach. And you know, you're just stuck there. Here's my question, you own this island, you buy an island, and you're like, yeah, I like to go there, it's like my holiday, it's my getaway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was good. Alright, that's an hour and five minutes of podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my proper Doc Martens boots, and uhm, they're super warm and very comfortable, so, uh, I got them. And they're for winter months, so I can wear nice big thick socks with them. And I figure, I'll just be stomping around wearing my Doc Martens when the weather turns bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love wearing jumpers and in the summer of course you can't. I don't look great in clothes, but I look really bad in a t-shirt. Get me in a jumper or a hoodie, we're away with it. I feel happy and content. So honestly, I don't mind the clothing in the winter, but I hate the lack of heat. I despise the cold with every fiber of my being.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think, I mean, the one thing I'm always on the lookout for is cool t-shirts. And a lot of the time people, like if you look up like cool t-shirts and stuff, it's all just stuff with like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basic bitch jokes on pictures of Chewbacca or these skulls. I mean, I've got some really genuinely unusual cool t-shirts that I love. Um, and I like those. I want, I want the, the indie t-shirt, essentially independent, very few, like that kind of thing. I'll pay a little more for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm with the boots, let me tell you something, it's all about the Lumberjack shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they didn't let him, uh, voice Darth Vader. Yeah. Because you can watch the behind the scenes of Dave Prowse deliver the lines so that, you know, his movements were in time and the other actors could respond to it. And he was like, I don't know why they cut me. I thought my performance was fine. If this is a diplomatic vessel, where's the dip? Where's the ambassador?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I'm not saying how often do you think about it. I'm saying let's say you have a beloved pet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they both lack, uh, I don't know, I just feel like if you have a giant picture of yourself and your pet, it's like anyone having a giant picture of themselves in their house, it just feels a bit twatish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I went into someone's house and they had a huge picture of themselves, like sat in a big, red, fancy armchair with their dog at their side and they've got their hand on them and, you know, there's sort of stuff in the background that's meant to mean something, I'd feel like, fuck off, I came running in for a cup of tea, I don't need to, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, what Mrs. F has, her grandmother, uh, had a dog that she loved. It was a little, uhm, uh, sausage dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's kinda sweet, cause it just looks like you use it as a doorstop or whatever, it's just around. It's not in some fancy place, it's just in the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But having a gigantic stuffed Aggie just feels a bit...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what Lewis, I'm not kidding, but you're looking for a new vibe. Go for, go for, quirky dandy who has taxidermy around the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A sort of Victorian officer's jacket and thought that that made them emo. If you look up the history of emo, it's definitely not related to those bands. Uh, the sort of American emo version and then there was like Screamo and all this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To normies. And it was a sort of re-reaction to punk. Goth was sort of different, again, and kind of more, more genuinely gothic. And big hair and shit like that. And that's, uh, I don't know if that's still a vibe that people go for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the reason you don't see Goths on Tinder is because, uh, either they, as people get older, they change their look and say, but you could seriously appeal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's not, it's not even conforming. I mean, most, most people that are part of a movement or a sort of a group when they're younger, mellow as they get older, because it's a lot of work to be in these groups. You know, you gotta go to the meetings or whatever, you gotta go to the right gigs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so when I say it's macho, I'm not saying it's exclusive to men, but if you look at heavy metal, I think it is a very aggressive musical form, and the men in heavy metal are expected to be, oddly, this mix. Yes, like heavy, grrrr, you know, and that kind of thing. I mean, if you wanna talk about hair metal,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason that was seen as not real metal, of course, is because the guys basically dressed like girls. You know, they wore all the kind of girly clothes and everything to appeal to a more loose, loose sort of broad market, if you like. But real heavy metal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the lad who played Thor. I mean, that's a pretty, pretty Viking look, isn't it? Right? Of course, isn't it? Chris, Chris Hemsworth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and this is, this is quite interesting. And I'm not even gonna try to pronounce any of the Welsh words in this. But there was, uhm, I will find the details of it for you guys. Carry on talking for a moment and then we'll come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just think how exciting it would be. You're on an island, you haven't seen any traders for a couple of months, and they turn up and they've got all this new stuff. You know? It's like the only way to get it. You can't just fucking order it. It just turns up on a boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the climate of the Greek islands lends itself to a bit more than just cabbages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't sound too bad to me. That's not too bad at all actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so you mentioned Sophie, obviously she's Welsh, uhm, part of the Welsh Mafia at the Yogs, and for some reason I was reading about something called the flooding of Treweryn, uhm, which was the River Treweryn in Gwynedd in Wales. Apologies Welsh listeners for my pronunciation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but essentially the, the, there was a village called Kappelkellen that, despite the protests, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They flooded it so they could get more water to Liverpool, right? It's kind of a weird thing, but they basically came up with this dam, uhm, and they were like, this is a great idea, this will help, uh, the people of Liverpool, a private corporation called, uhm, Liverpool Corporation Waterworks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they basically flooded this village where people lived and it was a Welsh language village. It was one of the few places where people only speak Welsh there or that's the primary language. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They blew up like the transformer at the entrance. Not the robot, but like the electrical transformer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit of paramilitary terrorism. And there is a thing in Wales, uhm, that you can see, it's a, it's a wall that's been painted with the phrase, uh, again, apologies to the Welsh, uh, Cofuigdrueren.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was, he streams quite often where he watches old game shows on like British telly from their 70s and 80s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you have to buzz in, give an answer, and if it's on the board, your team can choose to pass or play, right? So the question is, name, living or dead, name a famous Scotsman. And neither of the people at the buzzer buzzed, and Bob's waiting for an answer, and he's waiting for an answer, and Limmy's like, get to fuck, like what is going on here? And they literally could not think of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grim. So his point was, this is why Scotland is not really part of the UK. It's like, you could name a famous Englishman quite easily, but for some reason, these three or four, as it is, separate countries, combined to one, we still manage to ignore what's happening in each other's, across each other's borders, even though we're the closest neighbours it's possible to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think it's perfectly normal. I mean, look at the US as a point of view. The difference between the states can be enormous. Like, there's no way that you would say that New York and Texas have much in common at all. Like, you couldn't really think of them as being more different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, there's someone else's in an episode. I think Mark Strong is in an episode as well. Uh, there's a whole, like, all of those shows that you watched that were like the 90s, telly shows, are just fucking all the Hollywood actors you see now. It's like, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm trying to think of tips that you would give people coming from abroad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I always like, when, when I go down, I always love talking to Sarah because obviously she lives in, Bristol is a pretty sort of British sort of place, I'd say, uhm, in, in, in its sort of vibe. It's, it's, it must be quite a culture shock coming from, from the States to somewhere like Bristol, uhm, because it's, it's very, it's very, very Bristol-y, if you know what I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but I'd love to know, like, what are some of the things that you really noticed? I think the biggest thing that she always said to me when I asked her was the drinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the amount of drinking, and it's not just us, because when you go to the pub, there's fucking people out every night, like, especially the weekends, it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the try the Greg's vegan sausage roll is actually pod. I'm giving that a, that gets a thumbs up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it really was, like now, I know I hate it, but I don't really notice it as being anything unusual, but when I remember moving here and just thinking Jesus Christ, and it felt very grey. This was the 80s, this was the early 80s, everything felt a bit grey and shitty, and it's improved a ridiculous amount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I saw a place in Paddington and the councillor demanded that they keep the original frontage because it was quite old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I have one more thing. People can write into the mailbag about this as well if they want. Queuing in pubs. Very quickly. There is a Twitter account I follow that's basically like queues at pubs. This has become a thing. If you are a part of this, let me know why the fuck you're doing it. What was wrong with the old system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and the bartender, or the bar staff should know who was here first and blah blah blah. That's part of their job. Believe me, they know what they're doing. They're perfectly capable of doing that. You do not form a fucking line. If I see it in Bristol, I'm breaking it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't wanna give tickets. You'd be one of those low-key parking tenants who walks around not giving tickets thinking, I get paid anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, oh, by the way, the reason it was cancelled, uhm, even though apparently, according to this letter, I was in the wrong, but the guy that took the picture didn't take a picture of my car, he took a picture of something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welsh nationalism, goths, how hot it is to meet women, uhm... Goths, yes. Cueing at the pub. Yeah, cueing at the pub. Lewis's new fashion look. Tips for being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's cool. It feels like I would be very scared the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the, uhm, what was on the, uhm, the fabric of his hot air balloon? Was it just a color or did he have some sort of cool...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd be all over the damn place. You'd have people landing in the ocean and stuff, like, you'd have to be able to. I don't think anybody would do it if you couldn't control it. It'd just be a lottery, right? Alright, I'm going up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. Okay, here, look, I got a link for you, uhm, in, uh, general. Here you go. Okay. Feast your eyes on this. You're gonna love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hot air balloon festival was on. Now I didn't know anything about the balloons, but I just remembered that they used to have sometimes colourful logos for estate agents and other local stores and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably like half an hour maybe, or like 45 minutes. It's not gonna take you up that long. You're gonna spend the first 20 minutes white-knuckling the side, unable to feel your legs and shitting your pants, and then just as you ease into, oh maybe I can get used to this, you'll be descending.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's normally how those things go, right? I think I'd be bored five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a movie too, right, where they had to go around the world, there was like a prize and everybody's racing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was mostly balloon, but maybe I'm wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I'm using that one next year for my tax return.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather, okay, if your plane was crashing, would you, would you just want to die or survive? Cause I feel like, I feel like people are like, well obviously I'd want to live. I don't know if I'd want to live after surviving a plane crash. I think that would be horrific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like unless it wasn't like a horrific, horrific crash, but like if it was one where there was like a plane where everybody died except for like five people on a flight with like 300 people or something, I don't know if I'd want to be a survivor, you know what I mean? Cause you would see some horrendous shit for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just like, scale it back. You have to deal with it, scale it back, and then just go off the grid. You'd be like Quentin Jaws, I ain't never put that life jacket on again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm laughing, I shouldn't be, but I'm saying though, I think it would just be so fucking awful, I can't think of much worse, I mean there is worse for sure, but I think it would just be horrendous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played a bunch of Gran Turismo not too long ago with a bunch of my friends from Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we had, uh, we were on Discord and everybody was like sharing video, right? Uhm, cause we haven't seen each other for a while, it's like during COVID and stuff we're playing this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all in different time zones and stuff. So some people are like in their gym jams and other people are just, you know, starting their day, whatever. And, uh, so my friend turns his on and he's got a whole fucking steering wheel, gaming chair, everything. And everybody was laughing at him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then he absolutely wrecked us at Gran Tur- like, there was nothing, I mean, this guy was lapping all of us, like, we could not even, like, you'd make one mistake and he was just like, two laps ahead of you, like, it was insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, maybe there's something in the steering wheel. I always just thought it was a bit silly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen these uhm, have you seen the people that are uhm, like airplane, airliner enthusiasts that build like full cockpits in their house? With multiple monitors we did. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flight Simulator X? Flight Simulator X is, uh, I think the one that has... Oh no, that's not it. All of it, hang on. What was the new one called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The latest one was just a flight simulator something, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's 234 DLCs for this game. I can't even show them all on one list, cause it only goes up to 200. On average, it looks like a DLC costs about $19.99. I'd say on average. Some are cheaper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More expensive than others. How do I show the total if I wanted to buy all of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's 722 DLCs for Train Simulator, and they average at about $17.99, I'd say, at a quick glance, so yeah, that's gonna be a lot. And then the obvious one, The Sims 4, I think clocks in at just over a grand, for all of the expansions and DLCs. There's a new one coming out in like a week, for The Sims 4.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a good game, to be fair. I've been playing it recently. It is funny as hell, but some of the DLC is definitely you can skip, safely skip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately, because it is such a, such a, the, the, the first game is such a good game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It tries, it tries to be, but it has so many, so many bugs that it just, none of it works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are business decisions. They're, they're, they're hassling developers to say, can you get it into this sort of shape? And the whole time they're probably like, no, not really, but we'll try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do, but I think people, more so than a comeback story, love a nice smooth launch, and to have a game that was advertised to them, with the stuff that they advertised actually working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say it's not that difficult, maybe it is difficult, but it is still kinda shitty. It's shitty for people that were looking forward, it's shitty for the people that pre-ordered, I know like, I know it's like a thing now where everybody's like, never pre-order, but like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff like this doesn't help that case either, right? Less and less people will just pre-order now because you just don't know what you're gonna get. It's understandable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they did a good job of kind of advertising before the game was launched all the new features, which got people really excited. So their expectations were off of that quite high, but I don't think that they were unreasonably


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, like if you, if you took both games and you removed all the extras, like, I mean, if you took Cities Skylines 1 and you took all the mods and all of the DLCs away,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Cities 2 could have had just a less buggy core and it would have been fine. It would have been, it would have gotten boring. People would have just said, you know, well, you know, I'll come back to it when.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just kind of stuck with them and there's a whole bunch of them that, uh, at first don't seem so bad, but the bigger your city gets, it becomes more apparent that things aren't working and that, uh, there's performance issues and slowdowns and your, your, your city just dies because basically the traffic AI, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Traffic AI is never gonna solve your bad road designs, but there's a balance in there somewhere as well, right? You should still be able to have some flowing traffic, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got people doing like a, you know, precision parking maneuver holding up an entire lane of highway traffic. Like, you know what I mean? You can't. It's just, it's stupid things like that that just kind of ruin it, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like he's the guy who will quite happily pull over and block a bunch of traffic, but the moment he's inconvenienced in traffic, he's the asshole who's blaring the horn and he's ease out the window, shouting and everything. They're assholes. They're assholes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of these places have a loading bay around back where these guys should be going anyway. You're just pulling all this money right out onto the street like that. Seems a bit wild when you have like a secure loading bay at the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's me. I'm the most tech unsavvy in my whole life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Robux. They want, they want all those, all the game currencies, and what, they want subscriptions. Yes. Like Twitch and YouTube subscriptions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a couple of those over the years. There's definitely been people who have overdone it, but they all, they had underlying health concerns already, which, which, you know, didn't, didn't help sort of thing, right? Like, or did help, I suppose, in, in finishing them off, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, yeaah, it's a weird one. I was thinking about, uh, streaming. Well, I think about it a lot because I stream a lot, but, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This weekend, uh, it's my son's birthday, which means that, uh, however old he is, and he's gonna be 12, is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long I've been doing like YouTube and Twitch stuff for? 12 years, man. If I had to go out into the real world and somebody asked me what I was doing for the last 12 years, 12 fucking years is a long time to be doing anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but listen to this because I've always thought that this was the case, at least for me. During this 12 years or when it was 6 years or when it was 5 years or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I would ever sweat another drop, uh, working now that I've done this comfortably for like 12 years or whatever. If I had to go back and work somewhere, I would not give a fucking shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I don't want to do any of that stuff, I just want, if I had to go back and work like at a grocery store or whatever, oh my god, like it would just be, it'd be insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want something where I'm outside with just a bunch of guys swearing. I don't care what we're doing. As long as we're like fucking animals out there, you know, like just turning up and spitting and pissing in a ditch and stuff. That's me. I want to be there. That's what I want to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna take a dump in a field and then just get right back to slagging someone off with the guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I've known another life, so, you know, for me to do that now, I'd be like, yeah, this is great, it'd be like a novelty, you know? I mean, there'd be a honeymoon period, probably after a year or two, I'd be ready to move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants it too much. We're looking for people that don't want it so that we can break them. You know, like I feel like that's a thing in the world of work. I've seen it firsthand. People, some people thrive on breaking other people, or at least trying, you know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that is an episode of Frasier. Oh, 100%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they go well? Oh sorry, I just assumed that they were with two different ladies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ever had to go back to the world of work, do you think maybe being a hot air balloon conductor would be a fun job for you? Is that what they're called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get an A380 pilot next to a balloon conductor and, uh, and you say, uh, you're both pilots. I think that the, the jumbo jet guy is going to be like, nah, sorry. Do you know what that called? This man is not a pilot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some shoes the other day, I got two pairs, two for one. It was a sale. On shoes! I've never had two for one shoes before, but I got two of the exact same pair of shoes, so when one pair runs out, the other one's ready to go. Wouldn't have done that. No, I never do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I got an Ernest wardrobe now, Ernest P. Worrall, you know, I got the same, same damn, same damn shirt, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ernest Wardrobe is, uh, seven copies of the same grey t-shirt and he's got like a denim vest, I think, or maybe it's a jean jacket, I'm not sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, yeah, it looks like he's got some, some flaking, some heavy flaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't ruin his thing, P-Fax. You're being crazy. I think it's natural to feel that way. Obviously he will have missed you being there, and you missed being there, but, you know, we gotta be realistic about these things. You know, these, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also, you're responding to it in the most frustrated middle class dad way of like, everyone's trying to help you as well, but their help is just the opposite of what you need. That's just irritated you more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I feel like Starlink is the same, it sort of glorifies this idea that you could live in a van, and live anywhere, and do your work from the Amazon rainforest, and blog on a beach, with a Mai Tai, and you know, you could- I pretty much do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's in a van, man, actually, the other day. Although he was, he had a luxury... So, this guy I met was a Master Bladesmith. Right? He came down, because he saw our Frostmourne, our sword, that was right at the back of our video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy saw, he was in the army, I think he was wounded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was playing World of Warcraft, and around about the time when they released this sword, this really, uhm, this really elaborate reforging of Arthas's sword, I think they made about 6000 of them. Right. They were about one and a half grand, and he bought one, he got number 8.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And he was Yogs fan back in the day, and recently sort of, he was into miniature gaming, so he sees it in the back of our videos and was like, I can't stand your sword being damaged, send it to me and I'll fix it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this guy owns, like, a blade-smithing studio, or runs a blade-smithing studio. And he's one of the three master bladesmiths in Europe. And he is a lovely looking man, very charismatic, like, super nice. Of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be good. Well, though, like, would it actually, though, because if it creates such a small injury, would that just instantly, like, be okay? Would it actually cheese wire people? Email in!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, scientists right in. Yeah, we need to know. So, he came down and he brought back his, our frostbomb, and he had them side by side, they look very cool together, two of the old blades of marketing. I asked him about whether or not he could sharpen it, but apparently, cause it's like a display piece.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, he might have done, he wouldn't have known, but ours is apparently unnumbered. They do have an RFID chip in the handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think it was, it was, it was, it might be a special one. Anyway, I don't think it's actually worth it that much. If they sent it to you, it's not special. It's got a lot of sentimental value to me, and it was really nice to see him, and he had some interesting sort of stories to tell. And he has a camper van that he nips around the country, and I sort of asked him about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It did make me think about getting myself a fancy penknife. How do you feel about knives, generally? Do you carry one? Do you want one? What about your kitchen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That any time I use them, I'm terrified of cutting myself. Partly because we did. When we did the, um, our Great British Bake Off parody, I sliced my fingers open on this cheap new knife that we bought. And ever since then, I've kind of been a bit scared of kitchen knives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also I don't cut up meat or anything like that much. You know, vegetables, you don't need like a very sharp knife. I know people will say, oh, you know, it's more dangerous to use a blunt knife and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like these knives that Simon bought me are so sharp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I spoke to this guy, I said, why do you need knives this sharp? So I thought he was gonna say, oh, you know, for reasons, but he actually said, because they stay sharp longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always like the old Adam Savage advice, which is, you know, buy the cheapest one you can find, use it till it breaks, and then buy the most expensive one. But don't do that with this bushcraft knife, I would imagine. Unless you're seriously planning on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a wallet is actually, these days, yeah, it's bad, but for most people I think it's just faff, right? It's like, okay, I need to cancel my cards, I lose all my little notes and my driving license, maybe I have to order a new driving license card, stuff like that, yes, it's annoying, but I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, think about how much shit is now just on my phone. It's frightening. I'm sure everyone has felt this, when they think they've lost their phone for a moment, and this thing goes through their head of like, oh my god, where do I start? How do I order a new phone? Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could see why people have second phones and stuff, for this sort of reason. I was thinking, you got me thinking, back in the day, right, when I was a kid, uhm, I was into scouts and stuff, and my dad bought me like a BB gun, and he bought me this knife that I looked up, and it's called like the Rambo Classic Survival Knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. Okay, and it's just a cheap shitty knife, right? Look at the size of it! It has a hollow handle, okay, with a survival kit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got matches fishing light at the hook, needle and compass, and the compass is like, on the handle at the end, and it was this kind of meme from the 80s, right? And I didn't realise when I was a kid that it was from, you know, like, called the Rambo knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nowadays kids can see it on Netflix. I was a teenager by that point, I was like eight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, this is a very strong trope. I think it's always been, though, that. It's the Korean revenge movie, too, it's like, um, oh god, what's that stupid movie called, with the guy... Oldboy? The classic revenge movie, Oldboy, yeah. Oldboy. And obviously, um, John Wick, I guess, is the modern successor to that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wikis. Well maybe they think, maybe John Wick has taught them to hunt down anyone who wrongs you, and mamiboss them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we are still affected by culture and seeing stuff in, you know, makes us feel less bad about our actions as well, you know, makes it, it's, it's, it's hard, it's hard, it's hard not to get wrapped up in these, the messages told by Hollywood, right? And other things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but stuff's going into your subconscious, y'know, the whole time. Y'know, tell me, like, y'know, I've... I don't know about the movies I watched ten years ago, and what they're... It's almost like the worry about plagiarism, right? I'm really worried that if I wrote a book, I'd plagiarise so much from so many places that I didn't even realise I was plagiarising.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give us some interesting news. Okay, so first of all, church appears to use Steam logo. In a strange twist of events, a church appears to be using Steam's official logo. It is, it is. That is hilarious. Where is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Decided to use the valve icon, the iconic valve icon, as their church is built.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People ripping other people's art and passing it off as their own, you know, on commission, uhm, and I don't know what, why this church ended up using, making this really cool logo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, in the same way that the article mentions that a skincare company used the Resident Evil Umbrella Corp logo without me realising the meaning behind the brand, you know, it's a kind of evil conglomerate, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and I like that stuff happening, but yes, could it just be a joke? Could it just, could it be plagiarism? Could it be an accidental coincidence? Or, you know, is there something, is it on purpose to sort of drum up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, publicity. You know, I'm a very cynical person. I assume everything is fake. Or someone's idea of a viral marketing stunt. You know, so, I just don't know... I'm just not sure. Uhm, anyway. A game have announced their release date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A mobile game have announced their release date and the date of the shutdown in the same tweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you could do that, to avoid paying dividends to the rest of the people who own the company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A percentage of Amazon, right? And so instead of declaring a dividend and taking that money out of Amazon, he, or selling his shares, which we would have to pay tax on to get money,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just goes to the bank and takes a loan, a very low interest loan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is uhm, that basically means that, with the collateral being the shares, right? So, he, and he doesn't, so when he has to come pay that loan back, all he does is take another loan from someone else to pay that off. And so you roll over these loans, and you never have to pay any tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Because you can basically, because it's, you own Shares of Amazon. You can always get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he, I think he could for a show get his wallet out there and pay for something, you know, if it was a, if it was a staged thing, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know any of this. You can't know, but he's, um, I, I, I don't know, I don't really care. I didn't really care from when I met him. We've been through all this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying I'm delighted that old Kyle turns out to be not a very nice man. I think he's just famous and stupid, right? Those two things are... And no one says no to him, do you know what I mean? I think he can just... This is the power combo of being...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she was trying to fly around the world, and went missing, and they think they've found her plane now. At the bottom of the sea. Because, I think there's been clues as to where she last was... And interestingly, Jimmy Hoffa is in the cockpit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think they didn't make it to Howland Island, which is halfway between Australia and Hawaii, which is in the absolute middle of nowhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. I guess it's, it, it, if your playing runs into trouble anywhere else...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can probably get to somewhere to land, but out in the Pacific Ocean it's vast, isn't it, and there's very few places to stop. Even Howland Island, I think, is not really an island. And, y'know. What is it? Well, I think it's like a reef or whatever, or like a atoll or something, do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, they might have found Amelia Earhart's plane. Interesting. And Tinder have warned users in Colombia to be careful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently at least eight US citizens in Colombia have suspiciously died since November after meeting with local women on Tinder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, local catfishes slash thieves are slipping Americans and other foreigners a sedative known as Devil's Breath. It's an odorless drug that makes people, well, basically knocks people out. And then they steal all their stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Max could have gone to the YMCA, but what the hell else is his whole other family gonna do? They just have to wait outside the Y while he's in there having a hot meal and having a wash and doing whatever he feels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause you could go there, you could probably get, you could get a meal, uhm, probably have a wash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, you're wearing your Christmas jumper and you're toasting everybody and laughing, belly laughing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, so it sounds like you've cobbled together some survival plan for the holidays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So childish of Iceland. Not all of us want to live in Iceland like, like you have to Iceland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just quit it with your volcanoes and your ash. Yeah, it's rude. We don't want it, okay? We're trying to live, uh, we're trying to get warm and live it up. You guys keep your volcanoes, or at least keep the ash above you and stop spreading it around so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not worried about them, I'm just waiting for them to really come back. I feel like it's time, you know? If we're talking about catastrophic calendar events, when was Jedward last in the media, and when are they coming back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, see, so it's been, what, four years? So according to how things work, it's like every five years, right? So next year, 2024, we could expect a bit of Jedward action, hopefully? Maybe they could go on strictly or something, have they been on yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. But do you think, do you think if they went on Celebrity Survivor together, do you think that they would team up or do you think they'd be at odds? Do you think they'd get sick of each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they would, they would stay together and they, do you think like they would do like an honorable, uh, Sudoku if one went out, the other one would be like, I'm going out too. Well, Celebrity Big Brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can chuck some emails in while we talk. I don't know if there's like that much to talk about. Sure. It's weird. It's like busy leading up to Christmas, but like nothing really happens other than just getting stressed out basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that was always the case, but maybe like just it's like a modern thing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but there's, there's, there's layers to that too though. Like I, like normally I'll just walk across the street, but if there, if there's a crossing and I see like a kid waiting to cross, like with their mom or whatever, I'll wait for the light as well. Cause I just think it's a good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's solved. That is solved. That was so easy to solve as well. We agree with you. It's not, that's not a reach around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That person should be sectioned. That, that, that's worrying that that is, uh, that, that, that is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and are embarrassed and think, oh my god, I use that term so often to so many people who probably all realize that I wasn't saying the right thing. You know what I mean? I want to be there when the penny drops. I like that. You know, I like that, that moment of realization, you know, like, uh, like unusual suspects when he realizes at the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. That's not a reach around, like he just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a Ricky from Trailer Park Boys thing, isn't it? That's like a Ricky-ism. I'd say that's an extreme Ricky-ism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lewis has figured out how to game it though, that's why. He's spent a lot of time in the lab, analyzing, uh, and figuring it out, and now he knows. He knows how the algorithm works, he knows how to get hits and sweats, and the quality of the chicks that this guy is picking up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't emulate, actuate, become gay right now, and Filipino if you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which women love. Women love that. Yeaah, that's why uhm, yeaah. That's it. That's the trick. Be confident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do any of them result in any type of intimacy? Or are a lot of them just like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do some people just want to do that forever though? Do they just want to be on their-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just date and meet tons of different people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not actually looking for someone, you just, you just like the process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm terrified of this whole scene. I don't want any of my kids to do any of this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in this economy. Yeah, there's no way. Here's my blue Peter badge, can I have 50% off a pint? Yeah, that'll be uh, 7 quid mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The beauty of Dota and any eSport type game is you don't necessarily need to play it, you just need to really know it and understand it. I mean, it obviously helps to play it, but you could just watch a lot of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, exactly what is happening and then you could still do commentary and stuff on it, right? Or like analysis, like that would work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hearthstone Battlegrounds or Slay the Spire, anything with one hand, easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try not to play stuff that is competitive that I know is just gonna annoy me or trigger me or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's just not a good time, is it? Like, you just feel like shit, you know? It depends who you play with and stuff, but, like, often times I'd rather just be left alone in my own little sandbox, my own little world, and just enjoy myself rather than feel annoyed all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are outliers though. There are people who have, who are way better at those games than I am and they are, and they do use their eyes to control or whatever. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, all the time. We did, remember? I was telling you guys about those ads I got on YouTube, that I had no previous search history looking up this stuff, but I was getting it fed to me constantly. And it was like, how to pick up young women and stuff. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. I think this is the, yeah, this is, this is what it's targeting. It's, it's, it's taking your interest and making assumptions of you as a person based on them. It's gotta be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're reverse. Yeah, I need some, I need some, uh, voluntary dysfunction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I have. Yeah, I have family. My grandmother was born in Winnipeg and her brothers and sisters lived there. Many times we passed through Winnipeg, uh, cause I had grandparents that lived in British Columbia as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We drove there multiple times when I was a kid. It was about a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you so much for the portage, uhm, information. Really, really good. It is interesting, but honestly, it is just a really fun way of going camping as well. If you're not into the fur trade or, you know, you don't have to portage or whatever, if you're, if you're ever just wanting to get away from it all,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Portages, ugh, you gotta do it. You gotta try it at least once. It's fun. You just bring all the supplies you need. Just bring a lot of weed with you as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, you'll be fine. You'll be out there for like a week or whatever. Uh, you might, you might need to come back earlier depending if you run out of supplies. You'll know though. If you start running out of like juice powder and, uh, and, you know, uhm, pot noodles and stuff, you just, you know, you know when it's time to go. And then you just gotta...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Canoe back to the land and carry your canoe back to your car and you're good. It's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is nice. If you're listening to this and you have canal envy and you live in North America, can I draw your attention to a little city called Ottawa, it's in Ontario in Canada, you can go to it, and there is a canal there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's, it's not as big as some of the ones that we're talking about now. It's only 202 kilometers long, uh, and it links the Ottawa River and the St. Lawrence River, uh, together and has 46 locks all along the way. It's just for pleasure boating. It used to be for commercial, but now it's just, just pleasure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a point in Bath when you're entering Bath, like from the, I think it's like the south, maybe like the southeast or southwest, where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of have to, you go up a hill and you get to the top of the hill and you're, you're heading into, into bath, but it looks like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to go to a cottage and the cottage didn't have like a mains, it was a septic tank, right? So, and that was prone to backing up all the time. And so the rhyme was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's, if it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Cause you didn't want to like use the, you didn't want to like flush the toilet too much unnecessarily because of the septic tank and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, okay, fine, but what about, what if it wasn't a poo you went in there, and she left in, inside the toilet, like a really stinky dehydrated piss. That would be just as bad. Those stink. Have you ever taken one? They fucking reek, man. Jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the lion still the king of the jungle, like, if you combined every biome, is lion still the king?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you know, like, yeah, yeah, I mean, and they're like, they're top of the pile there, but like, if you mixed in some other stuff, they wouldn't maybe be top of the pile anymore, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On land, though, I don't think. I mean, that's not fair, because if you threw a lion in the ocean, then yeah, a shark would win. But if you threw a shark on land, then the lion would win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think as strong as a silverback gorilla would be, lions got like the claws and the teeth and stuff too, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think AI could go back over Nickelback's back catalogue and make it good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, honestly, I don't think Australia is actually a dangerous place to go. It's, it's, it's like, it's like very western, like it'd be fun, like, like all the places I just listed of the places that you said you'd go to or you'd been to, it's like, it's like that, it's that, those kind of standards, right? It's not like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He must have thought he was in pretty good, uh, pretty good nick to, uh, to attempt the climb in the first place. A lifetime of fucking smoking and like doing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drugs probably, I dunno. No, but I mean, like, you gotta have a measure of like, yeah, I feel like I could do that physically, I'd probably be alright doing it, and then to just drop dead of a heart attack while you're doing it, is like, I guess just a really unfortunate miscalculation, I dunno, like, I feel like you'd know if you could do it or not, right? Like, had he had heart attacks in the past?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's weird. It's an odd thing to do if you're not, like, I know I'm not super physically active, but I have no desire to climb up, like, a million stairs either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you're midway walking through and you fucking have a heart attack, cause you're older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd like that. No, no titty caca for me. Sorry, I'm not going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure a lot of countries feel like that, honestly. There's very few that were left untouched by the British Empire at its height. So I feel like there's a lot of people out there that probably feel the exact same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, is everybody just off now for like weeks on end? Yeah. Well I think by the time this goes out Christmas will be done at least, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, 2023 was so bad, I cannot wait for it to be done. It was a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always sounds like, you know, like, yeah, one summer I was working as an otter fluffer and, um, I just happened to cross a garbage can that was open on the, you know what I mean? Like it just says, okay, like, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. That's right, it's me. And uh, and Lewis and Flax and we're back. Boy are we feisty today, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially during the cold war was the continuity of the government throughout, right? They needed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They needed to survive a nuclear war and then rebuild afterwards and make sure that they rebuild faster than the Soviets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not, they're not, uh, they're not concerned with saving millions. You know, I think they, they just sort of said, we probably need about 20, 20 important people to keep the whole thing running.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, yeah, that's how we're gonna, that's how we're gonna reproduce, uh, post-nuclear war. We're going to, I am going to have sex with every one of those models multiple, multiple times over the course of many years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd need two rams as well, right? Two rams? You'd need two rams, and then you'd probably need to do some, you might need to do some ball cutting off and stuff with the babies. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, cause you don't want them, like, uh, having sex with their sisters and stuff as well, you know? Like, if it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be a weird society. They're not gonna have a lot of, well, I suppose they will have way more time to explain why it's not good to have sex with your sister, I guess. Uh, cause you got nothing else to do down there after, you know what I mean? So like maybe it's not such a, such a concern, you know, they'll have plenty of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over time it'll just get, it'll get progressively worse as the inbreeding intensifies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the whole thing is doomed. I think it's like a slow ticking time bomb of inbreds down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'd have to preserve the knowledge that exists on the internet as well, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Food production itself, I think people underestimate the scale required, even for 500 people would be enormous. You'd have to grow and maintain so much food and there'd be no margin for error either. You'd have to really be spot on with it. Like I don't think it's, I think people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've created convenience over a very long period of time, right? So that we don't have to do all the hard stuff anymore, right? Like, in modern life, I mean, we don't really know how to do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much everything for granted, right? Like the fact that everything just works and that we're able to order food to our house whenever we want to and do all these things is- Well we've just become- You just wouldn't have a clue!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so surprised that they're not waiting their turn for something. Every one of them thinks that they're the most important person in the entire universe at any given time. And it sounds like that's also true in their court system as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, me neither. I hope to never go in one. I mean, I've been in one, but I've never, I've never been to a trial or something like that. I've never done jury duty or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First episode's really good. It continues on from the last, uh, season. I don't know if you remember the last season, but he gets with that, the woman who's on the council, because, uh, he wants her to remove the ruling where they need a fence around the pool because the guy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy drowns in his pool, he doesn't have a fence up and he's gonna get fined and taken to court and stuff. So he's still with her. And uh, and just like the story kinda continues on from there. It's good. It is good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And kind of the aftermath of his show, you know, uh, was it young Larry or whatever, you know, the show he's working on and he has that, uh, the, the, the, the girl that he, he needs to, to get her in as the star of the show for a favor, but she's, she's awful. She's terrible. Yeah. She's still in it as well. It's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well listen, can I just give you the update on the first person that was fired from The Apprentice? This is a belter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to take 20 people on a day out, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And none of them seem to be able to prepare food or whatever. So it's always a mess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but this, this time particularly, there was, uh, there was a whole lead up to it being a huge mess and the, the team that lost actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, came out under. So they lost 600 pounds and the team that won made a profit of like 150 pounds or something. Like it was, it was just, it was one of the worst ones ever. But basically the guy that got fired in the end was responsible for, for getting the pudding ready on his team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was, uh, you know, and he's like, I've never, I've never like cooked before. What do I do? And the guy's like, just measure out all the stuff. Okay. You have the ingredient, you have the list in front of you of all the ingredients. All you got to do is get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he goes off, and like two seconds later he's like, uh, chef? Chef? I have a question?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm on this one and it says, uh, it says, uh, one TBSP salt. Is that the brand of salt or type of salt or, or what? And the guy's like, he didn't even respond to him. He was just like, I think he just walked away, but then it came up again in the thing and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know what a tablespoon is? This guy's like some sales executive or something? Like, I don't know, I guess they just lie about what they do or whatever, but, uh, it seemed like really, uh, really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love those gaps in knowledge that people have. It's wild though. TBSP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Less than, yeah. Wow. She's on IMDB, so she's done stuff. She's been in... She's not some 19 year old Borat... She was in Borat Subsequent Movie Film, apparently. Yeah, that's how they met.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that- Al Pacino is like in his 80s, and he had a baby with like a 29 year old or something? Yes. Recently?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a storyline in Emmerdale where a younger man was going for an older woman, but that's the only one I can think of. And I mean, I'm talking like, that was maybe 2003, 2004, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and how old was she at the time when they got married?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So she was like sixty. Sixty one. Sixty one. And he was forty one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was 59, so he would have been 39, 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I mean, that's the thing, I mean, I'm-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is weird though, isn't it, but it just, I don't know, especially, like the rich and famous especially, you see it happening a lot, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if I was mega rich, I'd be, I'd want to have kids even less, you know, like, cause I would just feel like, man, I got all this money. I could do whatever I want. Like I'm not, I don't want to do something that's going to prevent me from doing what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like if I was like, uh, really, really stinking rich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not so much that, it's like, I just feel like if I was really, really wealthy, I don't know if I'd have the, well, knowing what I know now, I don't know if I'd had that attitude about having kids, maybe I would not have them, you know, because I would just want to enjoy my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all my vast amount of money and all the opportunities that it would provide me, you know? Like, I wouldn't want to be tied down. I'd want to be like, you know, buy like a penthouse in New York and go there for a week and then buy a penthouse in like Tokyo and go there for a week, but I wouldn't want to be dragging kids along with me, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing the things that you actually want to do and then, uh, you know, doing the things that you don't want to do and it's just balancing it out, right? And I think after a while you just get really good at balancing it out. But at first it's impossible to balance out and all you feel like you're doing is just these chores and you don't have any time to do anything. But you slowly do get it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you get to kind of like the point that Flax is at and you're like, holy shit, I actually do have a lot of free time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have so much sympathy when they're little because you know that they don't really know what they're doing, but then past a certain age, your sympathy just disappears because you're like, you know what you're doing, you've been told not to do this a million times, yet you still do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I heard. I had to do a, uh, I had a brand deal yesterday, and uh, I left it to the last minute to get my PlayStation 4 back up and running, which it hasn't been for about three years or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I couldn't find any of the cables or anything. I think some of it might've been, uh, destroyed in the, in the first flood that I had in the garage. And so I thought, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna need a PlayStation 5 at some point anyway, so now's probably a good time to just go up and buy one. So I drove up to the store and bought one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I bought an extra controller. My, my son really is, uh, he plays Fortnite and all these other games with his friends and he's quite excited to have a PlayStation cause he just plays on Switch and it's not, it's not the same, right? It's like little handheld and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We only have like, uh, one TV in the house, so he can, he never gets to play on the TV because his sisters are always watching TV and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and so on and so forth. So I, so I picked up this PlayStation 5, but the interesting part of this story that I wanted to share with you guys was I was having trouble getting it set up for streaming and I didn't have a lot of time to get it set up for streaming either. Uh, I have a capture card that I haven't used for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, which wasn't working. I was plugging everything in. Nothing was working. Uhm, you could plug the PlayStation directly into your monitor and capture the monitor sometimes, but you won't get the audio and there's all these like considerations because you're trying to stream a game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you need to, uh, get your audio, the game's audio, the gameplay itself, everything, right? So I, I just, it wasn't working and I was like, ah, fuck, there's gotta be an easier way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so I'd used, uhm, remote play. The PlayStation's sitting right next to my computer. I remoted into it, right? I could plug the PlayStation controller into my computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would pick it up and allow me to play the PlayStation 5 within a little Windows window that I could capture in OBS, no problem. All the audio was coming through everything. It was just doing it remotely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even though it was like right next to it, but I just thought it was such a great, uh, non-faffy way of getting it up and running.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There wasn't, when I was playing it was fine. It was absolutely fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, all you gotta do, you go into the settings on your PlayStation and you enable remote play and it gives you like a code, um, so that when you're on your PC and you've got the app open, the app doesn't do anything until you give it a code. And so you give it this code and then, um, it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then whenever you want, you can just, you can, you can activate your PlayStation even if it's in a cupboard downstairs or something. And away you go. You can, you can remote it right to your PC. You don't need to set up any fucking weird virtual audio cables or anything like that for streaming. It was amazing. It was just working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like so worried that I wouldn't have it set up in time, like for the sponsored thing. And then I was just sitting there twiddling my thumbs for like an hour. I had so much time. It took like no time to set up. It was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it takes a lot of inspiration from Splatoon, but it's like a four player kinda like arena shooter sort of thing. It was pretty fun actually, it was fun to play with friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, I've set myself a challenge, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you know of many billionaire farmers in the world, but there's a good reason why there probably aren't any, because there's not a lot of money to be made in farming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I have not grown any potatoes, I just planted some sugar beets though, uhm, but they're not quite- Well they're useful. Well I'm gonna cut them up and I'm gonna put them into a biogas plant. We're gonna ferment them. Okay. Yeah. And I'm also doing that with corn chaff and grass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop it. You're making me wanna get back into it. Oh, you should see my setup, I got all these mods, I got, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got all these like automation mods so I can basically, it's like playing open TTD in farming simulator. You can set up all these courses for the tractors. I got all these like loading and unloading areas. I got trucks that can pick up cause I'm harvesting like, uh, what one of my fields is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 39 hectares. It's fucking enormous. And all I do is cut corn chaff in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I'm talking like 5, 6 million litres of chaff, okay? Per harvest. Like, it's insane. I can't even turn it all into silage, like, fast enough in a year to use it all up. Like, it's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so that side is all scaled up, but then I gotta get the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically we're turning into an energy company because I think that's the only way we're going to hit the billion, but it's taken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that how Spiff did it? He did Selma Power, I think? Yeah, but I mean that's, I could do that. I have enough money to do that, and I could wrap it up and do it quickly, but then, you're not doing any farming, like, you know, I wanna kinda do it whilst doing some farming. You wanna do proper farming? Yeah, that's fair. So, I've been working at it for like three months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Chat fucking hate me at this point as well. They're just like, this guy's an idiot. He's playing the same fucking stupid game. Like, uh, they, they just, they hate it. They're done. But, uh, I'm so, I'm so weirdly obsessed with it still. Like I can't get enough, you know, it's one of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good, uh, that might be a good move for me. I'm gonna move up there and I can get Dude Similask off the ground finally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well as a gamer looking for things, I still can't figure out an easy way to make a billion dollars in farming simulators, so. You'll figure it out. I don't think the economy scales like that in this game, you know. It's like, it's just, it's just tough. It's tough out there, you know. It's a tough world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it helps, yeah. Is this gonna be a thing that everyone has? This is what our parents warned us against, they were like, oh, if you're hunched over, play video games all day, you gotta turn into a hunchback of old man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be when you were doing that Playboy shoot that you twisted it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This shit happens to me, like, this morning, I woke up, and I was in exactly the same position, I realised I'd been in exactly the same position that I was when I'd gone to sleep, I obviously hadn't moved around in the whole six hours, or whatever that is. And I was like, frozen, like, locked. I tried moving a little bit, and everything was like, I'd obviously not moved in so long,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kind of things that happen to, uh, old bodies. They don't warn you about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a catalogue of health complaints that starts coming out, and it's even worse as you get older. That's all it is when you talk to old people. They're like, oh, I've had a fall or twisted me ankle, oh, I banged me hip, and they're like, oh yeah. And you see it, and it's like this massive bruise, because of their whole body, and you're like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and Toast of London's good, uhm... But he's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know if he's winning any awards for it, but he certainly, certainly I'm a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did you, like, have a rose clasped in your teeth the whole time you were playing those


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I was saying like, you know, did you like, you know, spray a bit of perfume in your gaming room? And like, you know, gently caress your monitor as you loaded up Steam? No, did none of it. Fuck Valentine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you'll find that I am someone who was also in two very long relationships, and I have a very similar view of valid tides as you do, and so do a lot of people who are my age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, so, it's not any different, there wasn't some sort of, we didn't like, y'know, I didn't do anything that was particularly wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you have to do a bare minimum of effort, right? I didn't get any presents for my date, or anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you go out for a meal? A succulent meal? We went for a succulent Thai-nese meal, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The place packed because it's Valentine's Day. Yes, it was. But I booked a table, so, I mean, I was prepared. You were prepared. But you could tell, I know this place that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been there before and it's never busy, ever. And you could tell that they were actually expecting to be busy that night, so they had... This is their big night, yeah. Yeah, they were like, rushing around, making sure, they were like, you know, I was like, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we get the bill? And she just pulled the flipping card machine out of her pouch, you know, and just pointed it at me immediately. She was like... I could tell she was like, there's people outside who want to come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just very practical, and I respected that. I wasn't even bothered by, like, the rushy feeling. Cause to be honest, I'm not a big fan of, like, sitting around in a restaurant for like an hour after I've finished my meal. I wanna get some air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting to see that stuff, sometimes people sort of say, post their sort of uhm, track their tips and track their things and they post it on the internet and they say, oh my best day I got $400, my worst day I got 23 cents of tips, you know. And it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it really is that wide of a spectrum. And so I guess you wanna work valentines, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But fortunately, on the Valentine's I did actually just book up and I got table on the day. Wasn't actually like, I was lucky. But no, I don't think, I think sometimes you're right, you go out and you're like, why the fuck is it so busy? And you realise it's Saturday afternoon at half term, on Black Friday, or whatever, and there's some combination of things that have happened. And you're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sounds so good. This sounds really healthy, because Valentine's Day, I honestly could not have been feeling like, lower yesterday. I was feeling, like, mentally in a really shitty place, and I dunno, I've not felt this way for a long time, and I think, it's not like anything's particularly bad, I think it's just the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the winter and uhm, a lot of stress and a lot of changes at Yorque's cast generally like, bothering me. And I'm worried that I'm like, rubbing everyone the wrong way, cause I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming in and interfering with stuff that they've done for years and asking them questions and saying like, why are we doing this? And we do this differently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think everyone's sort of getting slightly pissed off at me being a troll freak and I think I'm just in a place where I'm like mentally...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really insecure, and I think if, if, if, with, with the pressure of Valentine's as well, like being like, oh, you single, like, oh, you haven't got a day, like, what are you doing? Like, it is awful. Um, I was very, I'm very lucky that I've, um, been seeing someone for a couple of weeks and it's, it's, it's going well, and I like them, um, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where I've deleted all the apps actually. Nice, nice! But it's been an absolute nightmare really, with people on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hell. I hated the whole experience, and I don't know if I'm ever gonna install the apps again, because the whole experience was so just toxic from top to bottom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think like, boy, boy valentines, isn't that kind of beer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohhhh, Palentines. That's a really healthy thing, man, we should have- Palentines. We'd make that thing next time, by the time we come around to next year we've forgotten about it, but that's a really good thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also tough, I know like a few couples who are sort of separated because they're away or in different countries or visa problems or various issues. Or one of them's in prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we make over here is dog chips pancakes. Well, we make skinny crepes with classic lemon and sugar, that's the way to do it. I like crepes as well, I will eat a crepe if there's one offered. With a bit of banana strawberry and blueberry oil, a bit of chocolate chips. Yeah, hell yeah. Frightful. It's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it is a unique taste. I was watching this video the other day, I can't remember, it's a famous YouTuber, he's like a chemist, and he does videos where he basically made a cookie, uhm, the purest cookie ever, from like, you know, uhm, chemical lab ingredients, you know, and it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you think about how much we kind of underestimate the complexity of the things we eat, you know, even all the components that go into a cookie are so diverse, right, because they're made from plants or animals, but that is just not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The nature of chemistry, right? Chemistry is so, like, individually purified. Like, you have, you know, acetone and you have, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another thing, ether. You have, you have like, acetic acid, right? It's trying to make, you can make things out of it, like pharmaceuticals and flavourings and things like this, right? But trying to copy the complex, like, make-up of wheat or, you know, milk is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It ends up making this really odd, he ends up making this really odd cookie. Uhm, but it may be, it's just, I've seen a few of those videos where, you know, someone makes their own hamburger from scratch, right? And it's like, oh, they grow the wheat and they harvest it and they grind it and they make the bun and, you know, they have the whole process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fascinating to see, like, this, this stuff. So yeah, I think, like, pancakes, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are they so nice? And is it possible to, like, make them fake, right? If, for example, all the weak die, right? And we were just living in space, in like a chemical...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well what you're talking about there is kind of a, a, a freegan, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the idea is that if you support the egg industry by eating eggs, you're sort of perpetuating this cruelty, y'know. It's not gonna be long, period, before there's a factory full of your dogs, y'know, and they're being shaped on a big conveyor belt to get this there, um, y'know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is this preference that happens, like for me I wasn't trying to become vegan, I just sort of wanted to eat less, and it became easier just to eat nothing, and then I kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In that case, go for it, like, but again, there's innumerable reasons why someone might not want to eat it. But, d'you know what I mean, at the same time, I was a vegan, I was an egg eater, an eggan, for a long time. I enjoyed an egg. I do enjoy an egg. Oh, I love an egg. I eat an egg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanna understand the egg problem. It's probably... look, it's just animal cruelty. We eat billions of chickens, and so many of them are, it's solely kept for eggs, and I think that it's just a cruelty thing. I think if you're lucky enough to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's got their own- Everybody has their reasons. Everyone has their own. I would say, why not have a little edamame instead? Why not have a little radish? Why not have a little tomato?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eating protein shakes and, you know, drinking Huel or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are having less kids! Like, okay, there's three of us, how many kids have we got between us? Five. Exactly. Five children. Right? So we're decreased- oh, that's not good. Oh no, but we've got- you've got wives as well, and I've- I have inverted commas of wife, which I don't, but... God, you're getting mad at yourself, jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just find it so hard sometimes to even try and make a joke about, when we have this, on this podcast, I notice it all the time, like, we talk about these really dark topics and then none of us manage to make any jokes about them, whereas I think Jon Stewart would always be able to do something like that, right?