[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's quite frightening. I mean, you're right, like, in a sense, I guess to whoever said about that anaesthesia, you know, it definitely has helped painkillers generally have helped so many people live through a lot of suffering and have a better, often times a better, like, you know, a lot of people, older people have a lot of problems with,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Long you have quality years, you know? Yeah. Uhm, cause if you're sick or in pain or in a home or whatever, those don't really count towards life expectancy. No, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think a pot noodle is just basically what Americans call ramen noodles, but in our British, expensive version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure I could take another podcast of being rime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're, hang on, so this is what you're fumbling around in pitch darkness to like, to try and go through a cave? Yep. This doesn't sound...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we've learned, it's nice to know that mooning is either okay or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hydration possibilities are through the charts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mangez le baguette! Mangez le... le jambon! Le fromage! Non pas le balle!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you're talking to people in person, there's a lot more nonverbal cues you pick up on about when you can talk and when, you know, when you want to say something and all the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's my question, Lewis. If you went on a date with a girl, and she was wearing a full body costume of a dinosaur, you'd think, what's she hiding under there? That's what you'd think. Right. Because you're a suspicious and cynical man. You would be thinking, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I know you very well and she is not in any way the kind of content that you create.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did go out for drinks in, in Bristol when you and I were both down about fucking four years ago or whatever, this was pre-COVID. We were both in Bristol, I can't remember what for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did you, uh, did you like chat to her, or was she just sort of floating around the party hosting?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I know that the top few people, I mean I know a couple of people who do


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] percent of OnlyFans is divided even further, so there's a handful, really, of creators that make an absolute fortune, and then everyone else is kind of some of them making a decent amount, but it's like those top few are making all the fucking money on OnlyFans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's that going? I think it's unnatural, we've made hundreds of these episodes, none of us are angry about it, it's a thing that we do and we're all comfortable with. If we just met, I get it. I mean, here's the thing, if someone starts talking over you, you kind of have to give way and hope that what they're gonna have to say is gonna be worth the interruption.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very long-winded, in a monotone, and if you tried to interrupt him, he would just keep talking and look at you, and he would just stare at you and keep going, and it was like, alright, well this is a battle of wills, and you just have to fucking dig in and either keep going and hope you shut up, or just give up and just let him monotone for like five minutes. It was insufferable. He never got invited to the pub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Radiation sickness, which is what we ended up talking about. That doesn't work. It's the job. It's being able to talk bollocks for hours just to fill people's spare time. That's it. That's my job. People who are at work or they're bored or they're studying or they're on their commute or they're stacking shelves. My job is to fill your ears with just anything. And if you can stand it, job done. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that, that's the job. But like, when, I know when I, when I've done, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd love to go to a cool party, I love cool parties. I like being the least cool person at the cool party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can talk to anybody, about anything, I'm a good listener, I'll chat to people, I'm very sociable, I'm not creepy, I don't have a bad smell about me, I'm not gonna do anything too embarrassing, it'll be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we, can we talk, uh, can we talk movies for a sec? Because I've watched quite a few movies over the last year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had, obviously, my flight over to, uh, Seattle, and my flight back, and there were films on the plane, and I watched a few films on the plane to try and not die of boredom. Um, I did have on my flight out sips, I had a complete row of four seats to myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched a few films. I watched a film called A Knock at the Cabin, which is the new M. Night Shyamalan movie. I have a bizarre fascination with his films because, and I don't take this the wrong way, I suspect M. Night Shyamalan might be on the autism spectrum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of his difficulty in portraying emotions, understanding how people speak, and understanding what makes someone seem believable when they speak. I genuinely think he probably is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I think if you watch this film, you'll see the way people talk, the way he gets them to portray things like happiness, do not seem to me like someone who actually understands people. So I honestly believe he very probably is. For all I know, he might have even spoken publicly about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way he gets people to do dialogue is, is, I've never seen anyone do dialogue and, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Conversations the way he does, the delivery of lines, the script that he writes, for example, there's a scene in The Happening, I think the main character played by, what's his fucking name, Marky Mark, Mark Wahlberg, he's a teacher at a school, and do you remember Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, that guy, Alan something


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the twist in this, if you look, it's not a twist, they tell you this in the first 20 minutes. There's a girl, she's playing a little girl, she's playing outside of a cabin, she's there with her two dads, they're in the woods having a holiday. Dave fucking Bautista turns up, which will raise an eyebrow, and he's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He starts chatting to her and he says, we're gonna have to go inside this cabin and talk to your parents and you guys are not gonna like what we have to say, but we're coming in anyway. So they have this really shitty home intruder thing for like 10 minutes, they get in,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the gist of it is, the world is ending, and unless these three people, the two dads and the daughter, decide which of them they're gonna sacrifice, voluntarily and willingly, the other two have to kill the third, and the other four people, Dave Battista and his little gang,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopelessly miscast. It just didn't work at all. Uhm, but it's okay. It just kind of peters out. Sort of like not a very good, particularly dramatic story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're not that funny. They're okay. They're okay. But here's the thing, these are not comedies, right? All of these, Guardians of the Galaxy, but Barbie was a comedy. 100%. Very big budget comedy, but a comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all of that stuff going on, right? Ghostbusters was a relatively low-budget movie compared to those. I watched a really interesting video the other day about where mid-range movies have gone. Where are the mid-range movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda sad. And I was like, damn, like you're literally on a plane. You've got nothing else to do. And you're like, I don't want to spend this time that I'm trying to waste watching this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it arrived. And I think that was an interesting story. And showing, frankly, a fictionalized version, I hope, of what he was like and the family life and all that. It was an interesting film. Whereas a Blackberry film is just not very interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say one thing about it, there is a scene in it where Victoria Beckham's talking about her upbringing, and David Beckham throws her under the bus by saying, you weren't working class, and like, embarrassing her and it's become quite a sort of viral clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, one final recommendation. Just, uh, the new series of Invincible started on Prime. I watched episode one yesterday with my eldest. Recommended. Great show. If you haven't seen Invincible, watch it. It's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's certain games that are also captain obvious magnets and uh, but internet issues brings out all the captain obviouses, uh, that you can imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that'd be good. The tuck shop idea would be, people would be so pissed off with that. Cause it'd be like being treated like children, right? Just when you said about the tuck shop and getting like little fake coins throughout the day that you could spend only at the tuck shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're one of those bosses, you're, you're one of those bosses that has this little tuck shop and then, but only gives coins to the people he likes that agree with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only works with Obsidian as well, so it's, that's what makes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're now the proud owner of the eighth one produced because he stole your, your number one one. Oh my gosh, he might have done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he should think about it. Maybe he hasn't thought about Starlink enough. Maybe he's gotta get on your level and think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like a simple pocket knife for everyday applications, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about that Simpsons episode where you had to do the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, couple of pots and, uh, and some, like, some longer, like, chip pens and stuff. And we still have them, they're fine. But didn't it cost a pound? It cost a pound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I think a knife, you don't want to skimp on a knife, right? You want to get the best possible one. And if it's the most expensive, so be it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We found a wallet, uh, on the ground, uh, a while back, and I took it to the police station. Uh, sorry, this is maybe related, but not, maybe not. No, that's related.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I took this wallet to the police station and I handed it in and I felt pretty good about it at the time. And the lady's like, do you want to leave your name and number in case they want to contact you? And I was like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I, I feel like I, you know, I, I, I like that the police, uh, might protect me, but I don't want to get involved and I certainly don't want to give them my, my name and number so that they can phone me or that somebody else can phone me or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need to be congratulated or whatever, like it's just a good deed, right? Like I found somebody's wallet and I handed it in, they must've been really thrilled to get it back, right? Like if you lose your wallet, that sucks. Like that's gotta be the worst damn thing. But then, for it to be returned with everything in it, that's gotta feel really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before your theory, can I say to you guys that I have seen a movie recently, it's a new movie, it was Wonka, and I loved it! I thought it was really good! I thought it was gonna be really bad when I went to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was good. I, I don't know, I don't know if I would've, again, liked Centre Parks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I would have enjoyed it as much if I had just gone by myself as a grown ass man, but my kids really loved it and it was just a really fun atmosphere and the songs and everything were really good. It was really good. I liked it. I would recommend it to take your kids to. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. As a person who's seen many movies and not really acted out any of the scenes that I've seen from those movies in real life, I have no idea what to say. Really? No, never. That's cool. I've never once...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do people hate the way that they do? Like, I was reading an article about this... Secondhand lions. This guy, this man in England was doing an extension for this woman who disputed it because he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do people need that, uh, at all? It's not even overly interesting, is it? Like an old man sorting out children. I do that every fucking day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if, I think if you're fucking stupid, yeah, it's uh, it's hard to, it's a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, plagiarism is directly copying, right? Like you're not, you'd be copying word for word and then getting in trouble for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I hope I'm not plagiarizing or copying somebody's work here. I've had this idea for a long time. It's just formulated in my mind. I'm ready to put it down on paper. I think it looks good. I think it holds up. I think it conveys a lot about what we're doing here. I just hope I'm not copying somebody, you know, that's the only thing that's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can't afford to pay for the servers, until they get some whales on board. It's just bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have to land some whales, and then maybe that date will extend. They'll have an extension. In the same tweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Historical landmarks, it doesn't say which ones, it just has some. Chemical manufacturing. Hell yeaah. It's also a tax free state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's probably like a, like a very reduced corporation tax or something. Something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to pay income tax everywhere. When you're talking tax free, it's usually of benefit to either a company or to somebody who doesn't live there and storing money there. Because Jersey is the exact same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you need to free up money, you can do it easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's got like a little, he's probably got like a little pocket money account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They probably have like 10 people as backups just in case he needs to shoot someone when things don't go right. And we're not talking about like, we're not talking about the top of the pyramid, the high level deals or whatever. This is like day to day stuff that would really annoy the shit out of him, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he just shoots it or shoots somebody within range to, to, to show his displeasure. You know what I mean? His internet's gone out. Well, game over. He's shooting like 10 people in a row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He saw it coming. He could see around that corner. The minute he met Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He stressed out because of all of the other kids that he was raising, you know? Maybe you didn't give him a chance to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just opened, uh, YouTube, and uh, it's- it's serving me up videos for Uflax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called Howland Island? Yes, Howland Island. Howland. Howwater. Howland!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna go until I heard about this, now I'm not. I was thinking about going for sure, but now, no chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's up on my feed straight away. Get it on that trending page, boys. Okay, I'm gonna refresh my page and I'll tell you what's come up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't know what you've done. You've cracked it. You've cracked it. I have. It's trending now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'll just, just reverse it though. Just say, keep it safe, keep it secret. No problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christmas carols, yeaah, just get it, get it all in there. Just say, this is my, my big mashup idea. And if anybody says that you, you're plagiarizing, just say, no, I'm not. And then carry on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause what can they say to you? If you say no, I'm not. Boom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm, I'm the kind of person who I think, first of all, why take a risk? You know what I mean? Sometimes those things go down, and I'm sure they go down more often than say, a commercial plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I feel like it's the kind of thing where I'd be up there, and for the first five, or maybe even ten minutes, I'd be like, well this is nice, but then it's like, how long is this ride? It's like two hours. I'd be like, oh fuck, now I'm stuck up here for two hours. How long were you up there for? Probably like half an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 80 days around the world! That was the TV show, remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Phileas Fogg, uh, a wealthy English gentleman living a solitary life in- in London, despite his wealth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lives modestly and carries out his habits with mathematical precision. He's a member of the Reform Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they take a steamer from London to Suez, then a steamer across the Red Sea, then they take rail, then a steamer, then a steamer, then a steamer, then a train, then a steamer. So at no point do they get in a balloon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care about that, I'm alive. I mean, people survive crazy shit all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you want to buy all of the train sim, it's about 25,000 pounds to buy all of the DLC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing is, a lot of people think of DLC as being like cash grabby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god yes. Fucking horrendous launch. Absolutely. Unfortunately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another game with a bunch of DLC that if you were to come in now, you'd say, God, that's a lot of money to spend, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, exactly. I know people saying that one of the issues is that they'd pitch this idea of it's all connected and it's all, you know, the businesses do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I wanna complain, actually. I wanna give a shit-out, uh, which is the opposite of a shout-out, obviously, a shit-out, to- to G4 Security.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This shit, uhm, and they're just like a lot of this private shit where it's just all budget cuts and I'm sure the guys are getting paid fuck all, but their staff need-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need a fucking word with these boys that go and pick up the pennies from Tesco, uh, in those, those bags. Uhm, your, your van parked on this location caused over a half mile tailback of traffic. There were bus drivers, there were people getting out of their cars to see what the holdup was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I had, I luckily got behind this guy just after he'd parked and was able to get around him. By the time I picked her up and was coming back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a half mile tailback, people literally getting out of their cars and shaking their heads and talking about what the fuck is happening while this Yahoo had parked up. There was a loading base block for him to go into. I want to say it, if there are van drivers out there listening to the Triforce podcast,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are obnoxious. They will fucking stop anywhere. They will hold you up while they do their job as if their job is so fucking important. Oh, this, this person's Logitech steering wheel has to be delivered. Fuck off!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're usholes. They're usholes. And this is not, I mean, this guy obviously, I think if you call someone's security and put them in a uniform, they think they're a police officer. So they're like, they're all starting to pride in me, mate. I've got to pick up these pennies from Tesco. So, you know, I've got, I haven't got time to park. Yeah, you have. Yeah, you have. And it's more dangerous where he's parked. Anybody's got to walk out into traffic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh baby. What was the take again? I don't remember. We'll talk about it in the mailbag episode. Okay. Cause otherwise I'll start digging. We'll get into it. Oh, one reference, this is, this is, this deserves a bigger, uh, bigger shout out to, I said, Lewis, when you were talking about being on a plane and blowing it into your, uh, your nose while it's pinched to pop your ears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You described that as the Valsalva maneuver, and I said that wasn't the Valsalva maneuver, because I was used to that being a more vigorous thing. It is a form of the Valsalva maneuver, so you were correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do love my aura frame, like genuinely we, uh, we gave them to everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Within six minutes they replied, Hi, thanks for your message. Unfortunately, unfortunately, we receive many requests of sponsorship each week and we aren't able to fulfill them all. Best of luck with your streaming. Thanks Magnus. And I said, is this an automated reply? And they replied, Hey, no, it's not. Thanks. Shut me down straight away. I was gutted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, how about this then, reframe that as, there's no barrier to entry, but there is a big barrier to success.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, exactly. So, I'm pretty sure that all these guys that are successful, and you could look at them, some of them just had the right time, right game, like XQC, blew up with Fortnite, Doctor Disrespect,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's either that they do something unique, that they are extremely good at games, because if you're a pro Dota player, for example, and you decide to become a streamer, as long as you're playing in those high level pubs and playing at a high level and are very good, people will watch you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you have to have a USP. You have to do something unique, or be bringing an audience with you from something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, from YouTube, say, or because you're already famous. So I would say to all those kids who were saying


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna make it as a streamer, and I've spoken to young kids about this. I wanna be a streamer. I was like, okay, what are you gonna do? Fortnite. I was like, alright, well, you're not gonna make it. Like, I'm sorry, but that ship has already sailed. There are already huge Fortnite streamers out there. You need to think of something that sets you apart. You either need to pick a game that's gonna blow up and become the guy known for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Frankly, like the Yogscast and Minecraft. The first big Minecraft channel, right? Right game, right time, right combination of guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I assume that if I do get a job after this, if I decide, you know, like, let's say tomorrow something happens and I can't do streaming anymore, I get cancelled or, you know, I decide it's too much or just nobody watches or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They made Ernest Goes to Camp, Merry Christmas, Ernest Goes to Jail, Ernest Scared Stupid, Ernest Rides Again, Ernest Goes to School, Slam Dunk Ernest, Ernest Goes to Africa, and Ernest in the Army, and then a TV show called Hey Vern It's Ernest, and a bunch of Scrap Films.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both are inextricable from the cultural footprint of the past, present and future. With my latest project, he would say project, with Tiffany, we've recontextualized Pokemon, a nod to my 2022 A Ripple in Time project in Tokyo, to orchestrate a new narrative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Pokemon and Tiffany itself, there's a sense of cultural permanence about each. So this isn't just a bit of fun. This cunt thinks he's done something serious. It's about the Pokemon jewelry, you bastard!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is our s- This is not the second one of the year? Is it? Well, it's not the second one we've recorded, but it is the second one we're releasing. Really? So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll take the blame. We can't, we can't complain too much. Anyway, do you have a nice new year? Lots to talk about, I'm sure. Uh, Christmas and New Year. Fill me in, boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Well, I mean, uh, okay, they don't sound...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're now, you're now a conspiracy theorist. Welcome to the team. Yeah. Before I get sucked into this... So, don't worry, you can't... I'm gonna avoid it, it's too stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we also remember Poirot is written by, you know, Agatha Christie, it's a classic, you know, whereas Midsummer Murders is written by television writers. SCUM! SCUM!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's uh, that's a shame. Well I don't know if we're gonna do another one. It was certainly a learning experience, and I imagine that's very similar with this as well. It's a relatively new format, they don't really have good, um, good idea of the rules and what to do to encourage behaviours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have got people trying to game it, trying to play it up, trying to do the stupid thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Traitors is something we've been doing for years and years, in Mafia, in TTT, in longer form, in slower form, you know, Blood in the Clocktower, all these types of games, we've played extensively, and so we have this kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we do it in micro, you know, these guys are doing it in super slow-mo, and as a result, you can't have tasks in there that could too easily give away


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The traitors, right? Because otherwise they're gone. Like, they have to be undercover for so fucking long, that if you give them- I'm sure they've done test games and things like this, because they MUST have done, where they put in tasks where it was actually, like, you know, easy to sabotage, but as soon as they fucking found out who they were, it was like, oh BAM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all got him out and won. I see. Again, like, it's complicated. And, yeah, what he did however, he was really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm down, I'm in. Yeah, count me in. I reckon you could add some, like, traitor-style drama to it, though, as well. It could even be, like, a fictionalized version of the traitors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New year, new advert, going online without ExpressVPN is like changing while leaving your window wide open. You might not have anything to hide, but why give random creeps a chance to invade your privacy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Amazing. Thank God. Thank you everyone. On with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went to Edinburgh for New Year, I used to go away. Wow. Uhm, over there. What were you doing there? Me and Spiff and Mango and Narty rented a little house and just hung out there for a while. We played some board games, played some Magic the Gathering, we walked around, went to Edinburgh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was really, really chill. A nice little retreat for nerds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't see why not, it's quite nice, quite, obviously it's a big city, you know, it's the capital of Scotland, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, kinda doesn't feel like it, you know, it's got, it does feel big in places, but it doesn't feel big in others. It's weird. Does it really feel like you're in Scotland? Like, big time? No. Not really, no. Even the Edinburgh accent's not very strong, you know. You do hear a few, and a lot of Scottish accent, obviously, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not, it's not, not that, it's not that overwhelming. Right. You know? Uhm, so we walked around the city centre which had sort of the Christmas market going on. How was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the best. Right. Uh, because it was all a bit damp and old and it's still been going for a bit too long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The place is nice though, it's very pretty, lots of nice places to walk around and look at. You know, just next to where we were staying was this old ruins of an abbey from about, you know, 1500 and they've got...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These nice signs saying, oh, you know, the monks used to walk along this route, this sort of footpath, you know, and, and I dunno, it's just very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very nice. Still very nice. Lots of countryside that actually is quite pretty and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly been lived in for hundreds of years and someone's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taking care of it in some way. Right. So yeah, had a really nice time. Even though, obviously, freezing cold, and gets dark at 4pm, you know, don't love that. No. Vibe, generally. But, you know, it's uhm, I think next year I'm going somewhere hot instead. Yeah, what are you thinking? Bolivia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Venezuela, yeah. Nice. Anywhere not north of Bristol. Right. I think. Unless I'm gonna go skiing, which is a different...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, vibe, you know, which I'm not sure I'm, I'm looking forward to, but yeah, um, it was nice to get away. And then obviously in the last few days of holiday, you start thinking, Oh God, I'm coming back. And then it's like, you start all the, all, everyone gets back to work in the new year and they start emailing you things to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't notice that. Did you look out the window, and did it seem real? It did, it's just a short hop, it's fine, although you know, there's always the old scare stuff that happens on a plane, you know, when there's suddenly a lot of turbulence, you're like, Jesus, what's going on here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, like, guys, I honestly kind of think that Netflix and Amazon Prime and these platforms have grabbed up these middle market movies and you see them all the time, and some of them are actually okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking thing is bad, it's on the top, it's on the top chart, so everyone clicks it, everyone watches it, it doesn't, yeah, it's not very good, like, and you know, it's classic, it's not classic Wicked Rays, it's modern Wicked Rays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, all this stuff is, we know it's bad, right? And it doesn't matter that it's bad, because if it does well on Netflix, that's all that matters. Like, it's like everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On YouTube, if, if it's, as long as it goes viral and gets enough views on it, they'll make another one, or they'll do more of it. It's, it's always been this way. It doesn't matter how... Look at all mobile games that are bad. Of course they're getting remade because everyone's playing them. Like, you know, they don't care about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, what's interesting to happen this week was Tom Scott, the famous YouTuber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He telegraphed him retiring from YouTube a year ago. Yep. And stopping making, basically he stopped making videos on his YouTube channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not stopping making videos or content or podcasts or any of the stuff. He's kind of carrying on I think 99% of the stuff he does. And you'll see him everywhere. Hopefully he'll get some deal on Netflix or something. Anyway, I don't know him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a bit of a nerd like us, who makes these fun videos, but he uses YouTube so well. His thumbnail creation, his content style, his snappiness, you know, he's learned from the best, MrBeast and everyone, and he's always tried to play the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First, sometimes, I think. Like, like, that is his thing, like, him telegraphing his goodbye, and his, the way the goodbye video is done, and all these things, and this, oh, this apology thing, we've talked about this a bit before, but, cynical me, kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has played the game spectacularly for so long, and yes, it's good for him to retire, but I kind of feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda feel like is this just a ploy? Is he gonna launch his new thing tomorrow? Is there something...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. Because of course it does, cause this stuff is fed to all of us, cause it's, again, this is just the way it is. It doesn't have to be high budget, it doesn't have to cost a million, it just has to work. Anyway, Tom Scott.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So CaptainSparklez normally gets fi- five, five, you know, he normally gets...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm never going back to that one guys, sorry. Anyway, you should definitely announce that you're retiring Sips from the next fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Steam did their steam awards, which were all just trolls, did you see these? So the winner of the Labour of Love award was Red Dead Redemption 2, which has been abandoned for the best part of a year. The best game on Steam Deck was Hogwarts Legacy, that barely runs on Steam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Um, stuff like this. So yeah, it was the most innovative gameplay award. The designers of this game were at the front lines of creative experimentation. This game delightedly inspired and entertained with newness never played before. Won by Starfield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. So yeah, so basically- How can-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that is, that is fun. So, that's, that's the thing, and everyone's, you know, I'm looking through a bunch of games that I want to play this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I know, but, and I feel where you're coming from, but some people want that tedious authenticity of how games were like back then. And some people like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well listen though, you say learn things, the problem is that what do you change to bring up to date, and then how far do you go? Like, you know, World of Warcraft, WoW Classic are adding


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who decides, I guess? Because everyone's got their own preferences, right? And so it's sometimes easier just to do nothing than upset no one, because then you can be like, you know, you're like, yes, this is at least an authentic remaking of what this game was for people who want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Michael Crichton, I think. So the film is a classic of the era. It's quite slow, it's quite sort of methodical, but then it ramps up the drama as it goes on. It's well worth a watch, but the whole point is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That this satellite returns to Earth, and it's got something mysterious on it, they think it might be some kind of disease. And it wipes out this town. That's how the film opens, that's how the book opens, with them seeing this town, everyone's dead, apart from two people. So it's like a nice little mystery, a sort of science mystery thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but my favourite bit is when he's introducing them to the facility where he's like, this is level four, where we eat and dine and of course everything is completely sterile, you know, and he's sort of running them through


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] virus facility where it's got like a nuclear bomb underneath so that if the virus is about to get out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's imagine that we build this underground haven, and let's imagine that we find some huge cave underground, huge system of caves, and we sort of smooth it all out, we put support structures in, it's in an area with low tectonic activity, so it's very unlikely there's gonna be like earthquakes or anything like that, like, billion to one chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seeds. You have that. You know, you have one of those secure. So as much stuff as we can get from the surface that we're gonna need later, we stuff it down underground. We're gonna lose almost all animal life. Almost all of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Excuse me, I'm people having to stand up and shit, you can just scuttle out. Um, it's fantastic, really really nice. Good screen, good sound, very comfy, uh, loved it, absolutely loved it, really good cinemas. Uh, and also, just nice inside, it kind of has like a, it's got like a bar at the front so you can just chill there after the movie and have a couple of drinks or be up there before, like it's really really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that, that trial was like on, on the internet. I watched the live stream of that a lot. I was, I was really into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was very dramatic, they did lots of recreations, there was lots of, uh, you know, lots of, lots of, uhm, testimony from, from him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spiral is a french, like, spy thriller series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm sure they have some, I mean I know they say it's not scripted, but there are definitely some lines that you think that sort of like was written, uhm, and it's almost like you can feel it because the rest of it feels so natural, which that is my only problem with it is sometimes it feels so realistic that it just makes me want to curl up into a ball, like it's just so agonizing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's all pictures of her with L. David. Who is Larry David's wife? All about Ashley Underwood. Well, she's like half his age then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Liz Taylor, uhm, died in 2011. She was married one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's have a look. So, Zha Zha Gabor was married one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times. Uhm, she died in 2016, aged 99. Wow. Nine times, actually. What did I, what did I say? One, two, three, four, five. Oh, some of them don't have a wiki entry. Sorry, nine times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, she was married to a lad called Felipe de Alba, so he was born in 1924, so he was almost as old as she was. Jack Ryan, almost, also almost as old as her. George Sanders, he was older. Okay, alright, well, hm. Alright, Zarzakabad also not a good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then he spends some time with his, his son. He has a four year old son who's non-verbally autistic. So this kid is way up there on the spectrum. Spends some time with the kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wake up, 8.30, stumble downstairs and have a coffee, uh, say hello to the dog, uhm, let's, let's imagine a day where Mrs. F is not working from home, so she's gone into the office. The house is completely empty apart from me, the dog and the cat. Uh, I go upstairs, check my emails, and then play video games from about 9.30 till about 3.30, then I have a nap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because as the kids get older, it stops being, well, couple of lashes, and that'll put it right, the equivalent of the naughty step, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for example, I really want to play the new Grand Theft Auto, when that comes out in like, what, two years or whatever. So I would get the PlayStation 5, remote play from the PlayStation. By the way, this is not a sponsored segment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he have economy set to easy mode in farming simulator? Well, he made potatoes for McDonald's to turn into chips. I think he was the guy. He died age 99 in 2008. He was the oldest billionaire. His net worth was 3.6 billion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gifted two and a half bitcoins about- You were gift owed some cri- crypto? Yeah, somebody tipped me two bitcoins when they were worth a hundred quid each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all gambling. I mean, you can put money in long term, steady stuff, but all of this, you know, you can get rich quick. It's all like, it's all, to me Bitcoin is just a modern pump and dump scheme. And all of this shit, getting the people to buy crypto is just to drive the price up so that you can sell and make money. That's all it is. I don't see it as any different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, Bob, this is one of those days I just don't fucking feel like being here or doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10,000? We're on number 54.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I hope you got some fucking fun shit to talk about. I got some fun shit right here, look at this. I don't give a fuck today. Guess what these are? Snakes. No, Ricky. They're the cables for the microphones. Look at that. They look like scary snakes. B-Line. Get it? It's a B-Line. For the B-Mike. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it looks like a fucking crazy person shaking a fucking microphone cable in my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Julian, only thinking about himself. That's right, I got one- Fuck yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we start this podcast number 54? Alright, what's going on fuckers? This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you. This is 54 like you said. And I don't feel like being here. April 12th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's A-A12. Yeah, but there's, it's a bar. A12, which also works some bingo. No, that's B12, isn't it? It's fucker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we should be drinking outside, instead of drinking in here. Why didn't we do the podcast outside, man? Why do you gotta be, why do you gotta argue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Call me names and stuff, nobody can call you anything. You know what we should do? I was reading about these fucking lunatics in, I think it was Philadelphia. They ran in one of those big dumpster containers. Covered the inside with tarps and some other shit. Used a fire hydrant, filled the fucking thing up. Instant swimming pool. We could do that. Have all the fucking kids and grandkids over. Big fucking pool party tonight. In an old shipping container. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A gur- a dumpster. So you're gonna be drink- like swimming around in dumpster water, man. Oh no, you'd pressure wash it out first, probably, with some soap and... But you get in a dumpster. Yeah. It's a huge fuck-a-pool. Deep. Hmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well think about it, if it wasn't and it ran out of water, that'd be fucked. Well, we almost got it out, but fuck. So you think all fire hydrants in the world are linked together into the source of all the water on the planet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like telephone cables are. What's the difference? Like pipes right across the ocean and shit. Just pumping water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I guess they must have them under the ocean, I don't know, because then the salt would get into them and rust them and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, you know, they do have that technology in place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not the way it works, Recky. That's another thing they should do. Why don't they fucking make all the fire hydrants link to an ocean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's complaining about the oceans getting too deep now and water levels going up. They put out all the fucking fires with ocean water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Salt water still puts out fire, doesn't it, or does it? Does it help the fire grow? We'd have to test that out first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I'm glad, I'm glad you told us all this shit, Ricky. It's fuckin' very interesting, bud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a little story here, okay. I bought a bar over in England somewhere. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They walk into the bar, so there's no cell phones. And he's doing it so people talk to you more. But, maybe that's a good idea. On the other hand, I think it's gonna make things worse. People are gonna get in more fights because of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the, how the fuck does he do it? Does he have a, he has a scrambling machine? It's like a, what is it, a Faraday gate or something? This big metal gate that blocks all the reception and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not allowed them, but because this guy built it in some way that you can do it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you guys remember going back, you know, way back like 20 years ago, going to the bars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't have phones, and what happened? We always got into fights in the bars. People fought a shit ton more back then. Right. It was better. It's because of cell phones. No, it's fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's just like, I'm on my cell phone, are you fucking kidding me? There's something giving me a hard time, they'll just take out a gun or a knife and... So, I think this is a bad idea. It's not like you guys aren't quick to pull a gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but now, you know, people are more interested in their phone and stuff. We don't usually shoot people, usually, we just have guns for scaring people. That's not something we're gonna go around shooting people, man. No, I'm just saying, you make it sound like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, you know, you do that just, and it gets done, right? So you pull a gun out, shit happens. You don't have to shoot them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying back then when there was no cell phones, people were fighting more. Embarrassed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like today, so. Yeah, that's a great story about the self. Don't worry if the jammer jams your brain, too. Just work on a phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's a buzzer. This is a buzzer long enough though, like you just need a man. And then this one, Ricky, look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you just buzz in on the first piano, and you- Which key do I press? It doesn't matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that his bubs? Like he's allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants with his mic cable, isn't he? It is his, isn't it? Or all four of yours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky's, I just don't want him to break it cause he doesn't know how to- No, here Ricky, you play with it man, you do what you want, it's yours. Don't fucking take shit off of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you doing? I was making a super piece of Velcro, but it didn't work. Alright, let's do this. Okay, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Could it be more annoying? Could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two animals? Yeaah. What like a, does a camel sweat? Wrong! Lizard, lizard, there's two, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lizard? But you got one of them wrong, so it doesn't matter. You got both of them wrong, actually. I'm gonna have to go with a shark. And a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you're telling me a shark sweats. How would they know? It's in the water. Yeah, pups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so they don't have any like, do cats sweat? You have cats, do they sweat? Cats sweat? Yes, they sweat. Of course a cat sweats, man. What about a snake? Snake sweats. Wow, fucking shit. I gotta see that. What, a sweaty snake? Yeah. Reach under the table, I'll show you one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now this is juices coming out because he's being fucking cooked to death. No, I told you about that. As I needed to know, it tasted like bacon. Yeaah. So they, you put it on the- You cooked the guinea pig and ate it. Yeaah. To see what it would taste like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's a guinea pig. You would think it would taste like a pig, but it does not. It tastes, it's gross, actually. It's kinda like a really gamey, like a chicken or something, I guess. Or a pheasant. A gamey chicken. A gamey pheasant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when you had him on there, did you just pull his skin off or did you cuck him with his fur on? Oh no, I deferred him. But he, uh, I think it was sweat. Oh, Ricky, you were cucking him. Oh, it could have been grease bubbling out of him. Yeah, man. It's the flesh and shit cucking up. It's disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm telling you, there's more than that. More than two. So wherever you're looking to find your shit, that's fucking wrong. Okay, I might have fucked that one up, so we'll call that a moot. A moose? Moot point. What does that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Ricky, I've just heard it said. That was in the fucking Davies Girl song, and I never understood what it meant. Rick Springs in the field. Jesse's Girl. Jesse's Girl. He always said that we're mootin' there. What the fuck is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jessie Springsonfield? No, Ricky Springsonfield. Rick Springfield. Yes. Jessie's Girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says that word in that song, and I always thought it was fucked. It was like, that's the only word you could come up with that kind of rhyme, moot. What does he say? The point is... What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fingert, fingers or, uh, earlobes? Or necks? What if it's a question? Something you suck on, right? You suck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fingers or what, what did you say? Fingers, toes, necks, earlobes. So what's your answer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I thought this was like family view. There should be, like, you just can't say, yeah, that's true. You can suck on all kinds of fucking things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Now a popsicle or a lollipop should be up there at the top, man. Or a lollycock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we even got a point for that one? Ugh, fuck. Is it four? I thought it was three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two on each side. Two on each side. With a biplane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool, then I got learned today, I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are bi-pedal, you have two feet. Like a bicycle. So when you're saying bi to someone, you're really saying two. A bicycle. Two boys. Bicycle has two tires. Oh yea, so I thought that was French.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Wrecky got the first one, didn't he? Yep. Shark and a cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky's in for the steal! Ricky. San Frangelis. No? No man, you got to... That's not even the city, Ricky, let alone the capital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] San Frangelis. That's where all those steeper streets and uh, streetcars. San Francisco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it could have been Los Angeles. He was closer with San Frangelis. It's not San Francisco, obviously. No, it isn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's aggressive. So he made some of them pissed on him to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Julian tell you why he's really getting drunk tonight, having a good time, big celebration? No. Might even bake a cake. One of his favorite fucking people's birthday today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Swazie? Nope, one of the other favorites. Eastwood. Keep going. Schwarzenegger. Affleck. Casey Affleck. What? Yea, you love him. Aff... Casey Affleck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who the fuck is KC? Aflac. Ben Aflac's brother. Yea. He's gonna love that fucking guy. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never heard him mention Casey. He's been in some good movies and shit, but, no man, I don't give a fuck if it's his birthday today. Okay, I stand corrected. I thought this was a big day for you. What? Where the fuck would that come from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know when your guys' birthdays are, for fuck's sakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. Why the fuck would I? Bubs. So you don't want to wish Casey a happy birthday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Superman's gonna beat him. Superman has actual super powers. Batman's just kinda, you know. Lots of money. He's got lots of money and lots of fucking gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Superman's fuckin Superman. He turned the earth backwards on its axis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? Batman? No, Louis Lane. Louis Lane? Who's that, Lois' brother? Lois, Lois, whoever the fuck her name is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lois Lane? Yes, Lois Lane was hot. Which one? There's been all kinds. Who's the hottest out of all of them? I don't know. There hasn't been a whole bunch of them, has there? There's been a lot of Batmans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lois Lane's fucking Superman's one. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, I don't know all the fucking superheroes and the women they bang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently Superman's pretty good in the psych though. That's what they say. So, that's probably what you dream about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could probably turn your pelvis to dust if he wanted to. Hey, you don't want to get banged by Superman. I wonder if he's got a super cock. Does his cock have powers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In an epic battle to the death. That's the fucking movie I would like to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This cock wouldn't be able to see, so it wouldn't really know where it's going. I guess it could just sense where to go. It's a super cock, man. It knows, it could figure it out. It's got special powers. I'm just trying to make it as believable as you could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His eyes should be able to do all kinds of shit like that. I can see, you can cut. That's what I mean, Recky. That's where his tools would come out of. I like that idea. What color would his cape be? That's a good question. I have to think about that one. Something cool. Something cool and fast. What's a fast color? What's a fast color? Orange? Orange isn't a fast color, I don't think. Red?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like speedy. Red or silver. Like streak color. Streaks. Like a streak. So what color is a streak? Streak color.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have streaks on his cape. On his cock. Let me tell you about this fucking guy, he's a professional joint roller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fuckin' pissed off that I didn't think of it. I mean, I should be getting paid for some of the fuckin' joints I rolled. This guy's good. He's from fuckin'... Oregon. Yeaah. His name's actually Tony Greenhand. I wonder if he made that up. Tony Greenhand?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how much does a half a pound go for right now? Well, you can get a half pound for pretty cheap these days. Twelve hundred bucks. Twelve hundred bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's all these dispensaries and shit. Maybe we can line something up with those guys and start selling them like, you know, handgun joints and shit. Yeah, or whatever they want. Could make anything up. If I could... You could make super cock. Yeah. A little joint cape on him. You could make a missile. That'd be pretty easy. It's the same shape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I didn't. Actually, the sex toy, they erected the world's largest dildo. It's 12 feet 4 inches high. I have a circum, circum, calf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was all veiny, it was pretty gross. But if I, I wonder if I could roll a cock joint that big and say no longer the world's biggest cock there, but super joint cock is 13 feet, 13 foot cock joint coming at you. Need about eight pounds of weed. Today's episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Beeline cables and cocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And trailerpratboyzmerch.com. You gotta go there and buy some shit, cause it's not really happening. I kinda gotta use it, boy, so let's... I gotta use it. How bad is it? It's gettin' bad, Ricky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where it comes out the other end, but it's pretty much pure liquid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we're gonna start making some joints, Ricky. Yeah, I'm all over it. Alright. Maybe I'll roll a joint that looks just like Casey, a flack. Give him to you. Fuck off. You can cuddle him all night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, let me do a couple of catch-up emails and then we'll get on to the main subject of this week's Mailbag, and I mean 80% of the emails I had, were about terrible train journeys, and just hearing these...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just hearing these is kind of, uh, it's a bit like, um, watching some kind of terrible documentary where you can't look away, but you want to know more, you know? It's like these awful...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once it's been sent to the control unit, they combine it with other information and try and, uh, trigger targeted promotions to stimulate add-on sales. And the way they saw it was, on the sort of, uh, screen, there's a- an error popped up that says, the exception unknown software exception, blah blah blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, shame, yeaah. I thought that was it. So yeaah, it wasn't just a security thing, unlike CCTV, but it's actually, cause if you, I mean CCTV, you know, obviously we live in the UK, and uh, I mean I live in London, which is the most surveilled city in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and now everybody's got ring doorbells and everything, but equally it's just pictures of like, you know, streets and stuff like that, and maybe cash points. But it's not trying to harvest who I am and sell shit to me, which feels somehow worse. I can't quite put my finger on it, why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After stepping through the security checks myself, I was ready to see my bag in the queue of suspicious luggage waiting for inspection, but to my utter disbelief it came rolling down the conveyor belt ready for me to collect no questions asked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My supervisor, on the other hand, got held up, questioned about the mega expensive high speed camera he was travelling with, so I swan-ed off without him to grab some breakfast. Uh, interesting, I don't think there's any real concern about travelling with a bag of flies, other than if they got loose, people might reasonably say, thanks for bringing a bunch of fucking flies on the flight, but, you know, they're not dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Embrace the dildo way. That is good. Do we wanna move on to the cavalcade, the veritable cornucopia of bad train stories? Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we'll put them into some kind of table. This is from, I'm gonna struggle to pronounce this, but I think it's Ev. Could be Ev, this is their name is Ev.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, here we go. My most recent train ride from hell. Train back from Sheffield to Leeds. 10 minutes after the train had set off, we stopped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am absolutely with you there. I love traveling by train. I think most people enjoy traveling by train. It's very, you don't have to do all the passport control shit unless you're taking the Euro stuff. You can relax, you know, there's, it's incredibly safe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if you need to, you can get off at a different stop earlier or whatever, you can use your phone, you can use the internet. It's, it's great. It's really, it's very peaceful. You see the countryside going past. I love being on a train. I really do. But they need to sort their fucking shit out because this is, it's just awful. I, I want, if I want to get out of Bournemouth at the moment by train,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the objective is not, well, we're making money and it's fine. The objective is we have to make more money this year than we did last year. How can we do that? If we can't add more trains because the service is already jammed, we can't add more railway lines because that's too expensive. How can we do it? We can cut costs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go down, the price comes up. So you end up with this gap forming between what you're getting and how much you're paying for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're paying much more for much less. And you see it in everything from chocolate bars to trains. Everything's getting smaller and smaller and the ingredients are getting cheaper and cheaper, the sourcing them from cheaper and cheaper and cheaper places, and the price is going up and up and up and up. Where does, what is the end game there? For the entire fucking system, what is the end game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, it's vast international corporations who are just trying to, I mean look at the streaming services, for an example. Streaming services are not making money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's an attendant there with the little food cart, and Ben asks, can I get past? The attendant says, no. He says, I need to get past you, otherwise the train, you know, the doors aren't going to open. Uhm, and the guy's like, no no no, you'll be fine, these doors are going to open any second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is, uh, this is from, uh, Alex. Uh, regarding your discussion on trains, train companies do something called P-Coding, where they cancel trains before the day of service to make their cancellation scores appear better. So it would not surprise me if they are also pulling other shenanigans to manipulate stats. P-Coding? P-Coding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does this mean? Well, read it. It means that essentially they're cancelling, um, trains, um, so that their cancellation scores look better. How does cancelling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you wrap it up, I've gotta go. Sorry boys. Okay, no problem. That's alright. Keep the emails coming. Okay. Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God. How did you know that? I did not know. Oh wow. Fucking hell. Holy shit, it's a Christmas miracle. It is indeed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we just decided to skip the Heathrow stop, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Executive decision, sorry. Sorry everybody on the train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky, what the fuck do we smoke, man? Like seriously, I told you, if we're ever doing these fucking podcasts, I'm not smoking like that crazy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't have to do it now. Thank you. Thank you for, you know, participating in us trying to make some money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm just saying, I've been doing all the work with this shit. Every podcast, you guys have knocked it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There could be something dead at the bottom of the lake or whatever, and then he wants to get down there and he can't. I think it's pretty smart that he- Did you throw somebody in the lake? I didn't throw somebody in the lake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's pretty smart that a crocodile has, you know, that's pretty smart. I'm gonna fucking swallow some rocks so I can go deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we should talk to Matt here, guys. That's a good idea. He's sitting here, and you guys are fucking going on about hamster wheels and fucking tomato potato plants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Why don't I drag those into the Discord, you guys can listen to them, and we'll get the editor to play them, so that we know which one, and people can decide which one they like. I don't think we're gonna have a permanent jingle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, are you ready? We'll play tune one on, on three. So we'll go three, two, one, play. Okay, three, two, one, play. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this was one I hadn't found previously. Ready? We'll play it on three, two, one, play!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I'm pausing, I'm stopping it, I'm stopping it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vegans can find no ethical argument for keeping animals in captivity, nor for using, and this is Luke's choice of phrase, the fruit of their labours, as animals cannot consent to anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The argument is, what's the real difference between humans and animals? We're all animals and we shouldn't mistreat them. That's what it boils down to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from Warren, which is not a name you hear much anymore. This is called being a shithead in games. That's the title of this email. Now this is gonna anger a lot of people, but I think it's quite funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, this got boring really quickly so we started getting randoms banned in CSGO. Right now we have a list of our Discord with over 200 names of people we got banned, ranging from 30 minutes to 7 days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did this, so they would go into a game of CSGO, and they would get, force people to get booted from the server and banned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't become immersed in a storyline where they cut to your character and they're like, you are the only one who can save us, you're just like a naked dwarf with a giant nose and bright green hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and if possible, I'll make them as tall and as wide as possible. Cause I always think it's funny to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I mean sometimes I'll add one, you know, it depends on the character I'm playing. Like if I'm playing like some kind of barbarian type, then sure. But I don't really go in for that. I just go for pretty default lad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. That's fine. Alright, anyway. This is, this is from Evan. Uh, this is the story of how his dad poisoned himself, but it ended up saving his dad's life. Oh. One day, my dad was doing some power washing outside. They're relevant to SIP's uh, interest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got, I've got a bottle of isopropyl alcohol. You can get it on Amazon. Big, big sort of, it's like a very cheap, a very potent chemical. It's just like 100% proof alcohol, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ending to this email gives you a clue as to the kind of person that works in cemeteries. When I get to this bit, you'll think, God, that's dark. Anyway, get this. I often get questions about, do I see bodies or do I cremate people? No, I don't do that. That's a funeral director's job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do a lot of paperwork regarding the authorization of a burial, who has the right to the plot, sell plots to people who want to reserve a plot in the cemetery, do the accounting and all that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Books funerals, uh, does the grave digging with the contractor for the digging. On the day of the funeral, they have to check the coffin nameplate of the deceased and then move away to make sure the coffin is buried, like the load into the ground, everything's okay, so all the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to be cremated and scattered at sea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, I think it's just, uh, imagining nothing is impossible. Like you can't, we can't as humans imagine that. But the way I've had it put to me is that you can imagine life before you were born. So it's just like that. But after you've died. So, you know, just imagine you not existing in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are, but this one's gonna fight to the death. Talking of animals! I was trying to segue neatly into this next email. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I didn't think it was clickbait with the title Horse vs. Car, but sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True. Alright, this is from Jake. Uh, we were talking about prices of pints. We talked about it a bit over the years. You mentioned someone paying £9 for a pint. So this lad in Brighton lived here his whole life. The pint prices are even ridiculous down in Brighton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is, this is who they blame. I blame Mr. Lion. Brighton residents will know who I'm talking about. From what I gather, he owns a lot of pubs and businesses in Brighton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, like, as I understand it, until you've had Guinness, if you have Guinness in Ireland, it'll ruin Guinness for you outside Ireland. That's just the way it is, it's better there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They also think that we live in a simulation and that of course a COVID vaccine alters your DNA and implants a microchip. So there you go. That's a pretty interesting list. Imagine walking around all day thinking all this stuff. That'd be pretty nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the question. If it is a mental illness, it's the most widespread mental illness that has only really appeared in this volume in the last say 10 years, right? I mean, there've always been a few conspiracy theories. It was like the, you know, JFK was an inside job and there've been a couple of others, but there seems to be an awful lot more. I'd say the last


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's amazing as well I think because these people make out like, like the truth is out there and how foolish we are not to have believed it. But they've believed some unresearched bollocks, some obviously fake bollocks that is easily, easily debunked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't need to do any, any work outside of that. We don't need to go and do any, any special investigations. We don't need to follow ups. It is what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So no, please do not contact this guy, let this person live in peace, not knowing that any of this stupid shit made it online. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give us some stuff we haven't talked about before. Maybe, uh, instead of thinking about callbacks, you got an interesting story, uh, send it in. We don't have to ask for it. You got something interesting, send it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just option number six on the tones. There's a hundred tones on this bad boy. You can fit so many tones in this bad boy. Anyway, so this is, uh, the, the, uh, the mailbag jingle, which I'm open to suggestions, and if someone could take this raw version and turn to something good, maybe we'll do something with it. This is, this is how it goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thirty minutes into the game, while watching the cameras, I see two police officers enter our lobby and directly into the escape room. The team, thinking it's a pair of extremely well-costumed actors, proceed to ask, The police look very confused seeing a room designed to look like a criminal's home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a cool name, Escape Room. It is a cool name. It's the cool thing, I haven't done one in ages. Yeah, I did one relatively recently. It was fun enough. I'll do one next time I'm down in Bristol. There's some in Bristol. Yeah, let's do-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, how would you like to imagine a scenario where you had lots of time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the wall was a bunch of adverts for bail companies, which I also created a mental tier list of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one silver lining was that the stiff and thin gel mattress felt like heaven afterwards. Because I was in minimum security, rather than being placed in a one or two person cell,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get woken up at 5am to have breakfast at 5.30. It usually consisted of some oatmeal-like goo, a few tiny nasty sausages, some milk on the brink of going sour, and the most flavourless potatoes you could possibly imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The man witch, which is ramen noodles between two slices of bread. Many would spend hours crafting intricate recipes, ranging from sweet and sour chicken, which is instant rice, ramen noodles, chicken ramen seasoning, apple and grape jelly, pork rinds, hot sauce,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most universal is a package of ramen, which inmates call soups. You can buy 24 of these for 7 bucks on Amazon. They cost 1.37 at the jail commissary. The most desired with instant coffee and honey buns, which is like a popular dessert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were three real industries, uh, drugs, alcohol, and art. Uh, drugs were done very under the table, and would rarely see them. Uh, almost all the drug trading was of Suboxone, a drug given to inmates dealing with withdrawal, so they would trade those. Alcohol, uh, they would do the Pruno, we've spoken about Pruno extensively, they do Pruno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Delaware is the first state, cause they were the first state to ratify the constitution back in 1776. Okay, sure. We covered this, we covered this. We did, we did indeed. The cities here are so incredibly varied for somewhere so small. Newark, for example, is a massive college town thanks to the University of Delaware. This must be different from the Newark in New Jersey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, an hour south and you get to what's called slower, lower Delaware, where we have some folk as backwards as they come, but the majority are kind of considerate people. DuPont is a chemical producer base here that's gone on to develop materials such as Teflon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want quite a long, plain necklace. I like long necklaces. Preferably one that reaches down to the middle of my chest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but obviously don't send a solid gold necklace, that's gonna cost you a fortune. Just something nice, that's all I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, this is another one. This is, we had a chat about tigers vs polar bears. Yes, we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tiger jumped on the bear and broke its neck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is from Louis. This is kids with funny names at school. Right. Uhm, I've recently been listening to the backlog of podcasts again. In episode 138, you briefly had a chat about kids with funny names who get bullied at school after talking about Neville Longbottom. Yeah. 138? God, that's a long way back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, one of the more wholesome ones, there was an Afghani refugee called Manua Butt, uhm, but in a moment of humanitarian decency, he was never made fun of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a recent episode of Tribe Force, Lewis detailed, uh, uh, sorry. Going to Centre Park. Regale the partnership to Centre Park. One part that stood out was that he said he went on the lazy river 200 times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As well as someone who did drama, as one of my A-level subjects, I may be able to shed some light on Lewis's experience with the Earth Ritual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you guys have to, if a group of people all have to do something embarrassing one at a time, you, I think that builds empathy, cause you're like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people attending, except Lewis and that one woman, were there to experience something meditative. Having done lots of yoga and strange new activities and rituals, uhm, the common thread with most of these is that one tends to emerge from them feeling extremely refreshed. So, did you not feel refreshed, Lulu?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, like I said, you should be commended for doing something unusual, wouldn't you? So, good shout. Thank you. This is, uh, this is, uhm, from Jack, who's emailed in many times, hoping for some relationship advice, uh, from, and this is their wording, the two hap- Break up with her. Two hap- Wait till you hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not even that. It's not even who he is behind. It's, it's, here's the thing. If you can look at James Corden on television and not immediately be repulsed, my concern is what else are you into that is appalling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, uh, from a naval nuclear mechanic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, been a long time listener since the Yoghurt episodes. Uh, this lad works, uh, in the American Navy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The food is decent, uh, a lot less people to cook for than a carrier, so it's easier for culinary specialists to make the food better, uhm, and they said it's pretty good, and apparently this lad's favourite was shepherd's pie, get shepherd's pie on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, it sounds terrible. I don't think I'd ever go on board a submarine again. I went on board one in Turkey at a naval museum, or a military museum there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a Turkish submarine you could go on board. It was tiny. It was cramped. And as soon as I got on, I realized I really shouldn't have done this because I really do get claustrophobic. And I did the tour and I was like, what the fuck was I thinking? I got out of there as quick as I could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, a complete change of topic. This is something we discussed actually on the regular trifles we recorded yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whereas women will typically find men around their age most attractive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys can imagine that the y-axis is ages from 20 to 50. Uh, there's no x-axis. And then there is just a line showing the sort of a median line between the two. And women's age versus the age of men look best to her. And basically, if you can imagine that, it's always going up. So a woman aged 38 generally finds men around 37.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 42, 39, 48, around 40, 49, 45. So it's all very similar. And then the men's graph, same plot, from the ages of 20 to 50,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you're after a 22 year old, but apparently, uh, you know, I guess women in general, when they're younger, only really want younger, young guys of their age. So these guys who are like 50, who are after a 20 year old, I mean, you know, we're, we're animals really, men were disgusting. So fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is a, let's end on this one. This is a kind of discussion we could go on. I'm not going to read the whole email because it's sort of all over the place, but the question it asks is quite interesting. Uhm, this, this lad is saying that they were quite toxic when they played video games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As three individuals well-versed in the gaming sphere, uh, would you be comfortable leaving your children to play games like Dota or Call of Duty or something like that for a sizeable chunk of their formative years when indeed they might themselves be acting in a very toxic way online? Uhm, and does that- is that like a positive thing? Should we have more oversight on them while they're doing that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact that you were able to look back and think that was bad has in some way been formative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have an interesting story or something, you don't need to ask me. Would you like to hear this interesting story? Just email it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause otherwise it's like, sometimes I'll not reply. Cause I don't check the mailbag every day. I won't reply in time for the mailbag episode and then I miss your interesting story and then it maybe gets lost in the shuffle. So if you think you've got an interesting story, send it in. But remember, keep it free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you fuckers, this is the official trailer prep boys podcast. It's coming at you right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got a lot of shit to talk about. Let's get it going, boss. How can you have to call it official? Because it's... It's because it's an official podcast. But what else would it be? Who made, who declared it official? I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the fucking playoffs are going on right now and this is like, you know, as high as you can get in the fucking podcast, right? So it's like we're in the professional league. We are professionals, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we gotta, there's a- Yeah. There is such thing as professional drinkers. Olympic dancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are some sara rice hickorsmarts. Sara rice hickorsmarts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nacho choco bean buttercup. If you want one of those, they're fucking delicious. What? Jelly bean with a nacho chip peanut buttercup. And the, uh, gummy olos. It's a ringolo with a gummy bear in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucking disgusting, man. Try one. Ricky, how come you're combining things? When did you get on this whole combining thing? Because the fucking greatest thing has probably not been discovered yet, man. So the more I'm fucking mixing up Swip Swap and foods around, you never know what I'm gonna come up with and it could be rich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the Sour Rice Hickorsmarts. Sour Rice Hickorsmarts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all looks really nice, but I guarantee it all tastes like shit. It's not good, man. Orange, orange is not a good flavor. The red was pretty good, but orange not so fucking tasty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky, you're on to something there. Oh, fuck. I had a good feeling, but I was really fucking wasted. This is the first one I'm gonna try where I'm not wasted, just about six. You got the salt on the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't believe you didn't. What's wrong?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I put hot sauce in this, didn't I? You thought that was delicious? That was delicious!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy fuck, that sauce is hot. Wow. Well that's why it's called hot sauce Rick. I know, usually it's a lie. Get these fu- oh man, I'm gonna puke. You didn't like those? No man, what are those, barbecues?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, before we get started, boys here. We already started. Well, you know, it really started when we talked about, you know, interesting shit. This podcast is sponsored by our merch store. It's kind of fucked here. Just zoom in on that somebody. Can you read it or you don't know how to read? Well, no, it's just fucked. It's trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would you fucking come up with that in the end?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So easy to remember, Julian. Fucking, fucking Cory come up with this, or Randy. Brilliant. Boys, I didn't do this. Okay, we're trying to work, we're working on it. Somebody's gonna try to fix it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know, I know. Shirts.com. Just, Chipper's gonna throw this up, you probably already did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, promoting all, you know, our, our stuff. I agree. We're gonna make money. No shit, okay? That's how we, you gotta make money. It's a podcash. No, but it's greasy. You're fucking being greasy, Julian. It's a podcash. You shouldn't have to fucking be doing all your stuff again. Yeah, we can agree to that. I'd rather talk. What's this fucking thing? Oh, this thing, this is a cool thing, man. Check this out. What the fuck is that? It's Drinco. What's Drinco?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it, uh, Price is Right? Blinko? Blinko! This is Drinko.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna play this today, boys. So what the fuck is the deal here? What is in... Just, you take, you take one of these chits. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Julian, start. No, not my turn, man. I'm like the game show host here. Fuck. Okay, here, Rick, take that one down. Get the chip out of it, Ricky. Thank you. It's lots of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Works pretty good, you just scooper. It's too fucking, uh- Here, use this. Just- Ricky, you know how to do that. Don't choke on it. Take it out. Ugh, it smells fucking awful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all kinds of shit floating in, I'm not fucking drinking that. Just drink it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What'd it taste like? Oh, straight vodka.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How come you don't have to do any? Cause I'm the host man, I'm like the, I'm like Bob Berker. He wasn't fucking Blake Plinko. Bro, Berkey. That's just a normal one, I think you got the good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The chips don't, you don't choke on the chips though, that's good. Good design.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right on. Okay, that was fun. Fuck! So when? Oh my god, drink up. It's kind of, I don't know, I don't really get the whole, is it a good game or is it just dumb? Uhm, it's a great game. You start playing this, everyone will go fucking crazy. It's a good thing to play before you hit the bars on a Friday, Saturday night. It should be a new game called Hasho.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not fucking powerful enough, they don't make them good anymore. Those little hand dryers they got in the bathrooms that are fucking make your skin wavy, that's what I need, something like that. The air blade, I think it's called. That'd be fucking badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah yeaah yeaah. I'm fucking getting one. New Guinness World Record with this guy. There's a fucking hoverboard that actually works. That's not fucking real. It is. It's real man. It's real. We were watching the video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that sounds fucking safe. He flew for a mile and a half on this fucking thing. That'd be cool, man. Maybe they can put up some video of him. Flying around in his geese. He must have a special suit. It's just, all springs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All over the whole fucking thing covered in fabric or something so that when he falls, he wouldn't die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, even if he had a spring suit on, he's still gonna... He's flying it over a lake so that if, you know... Oh, so he's a bit of a pussy. He hasn't perfected it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flyboard. Flyboard. Air jet powered hoverboard. Flyboard. It's gotta be a better name for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Or your kids. You wouldn't want to give it to kids under seven or eight for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go up, they only last for like 10-15 seconds, they burn out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what it's called anyway, and I'm gonna build my airboard. Flyboard. I'm looking forward to it, Bubs. Maybe you can take me for a drive on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe? They just- they- this guy just fucking made one for one person. No, that's a good-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No you don't. Yep. It's not good enough. I stood on one foot 12 hours one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually lost because he said I bet you can't stand one foot for a day. We did 12 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of a father would bet his son something like that? He would stand on one foot for fucking 24 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I had some, I mean we could talk about this, the private prisons down in America, they're saying it's the new slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are basically getting these prisoners to build shit, and they're making billions of dollars. Hold the fuck on. There's a couple problems with what you just said. Crime is going down, but prisoners are going up? Yeah. For some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what's the theory that they're just putting prisoners in there for the sake of using them as labor to build their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like that. So people are volunteering to go to jail, so they can work? No man, no, no, no, no, no. They're still getting put in prison. Against their will, but they're saying that... So it's less crime, but more people. So instead of one person robbing a bank, ten people are robbing the same bank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Supposed to go to jail to fuckin' party. Well all the people down there that wanna go to jail, don't. Come to Canada, go fuckin' go to jail here. Party your asses off, it's a much better time than workin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky, you just invited criminals to come to Canada to fucking break the law and go to jail. We don't want that to happen. We've got new problems. If you plan on going to jail for a long time, like doing something really bad, like killing somebody, don't come to Canada probably. But you know, if you're just gonna do a little crime and go to jail for six months to a year, like a little vacation, then yeah, come on up. We'd love to have you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ricky, that's fucked. They gotta fucking go to jail to work! The way I see it, it's hard for people like us right now. Well, actually, there is something to that. For people like us that like to try to make money while in jail, maybe more people in jails here will help out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because down in America right now, you, you try to get something on the go on the side down there, you're working your fucking ass off. Like a slave, basically. I think you guys both fucked. That's bullshit. You're both fucked. Fuck all the good gossips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe the most interesting thing. What do you think of that? It's a fucking, it's just a cat in the shadow. What's he, oh I guess he's a fat cat. Is that what you're trying to show off? Can you see his cock? No. It's not a shadow Ricky, look it's a sepulchre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, they're pretty fucking nice. They are nice, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've been tested, they work good. You've got six packs over there, man. Good job. Will I make anything off these?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not really man. Not if you break it down and figure out what the whole net is on these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Organic hemp, bro. And those are the fancy kind. Organic hemp. Big time. Don't fuck up your... Jimmy Z's dot com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I still fuckin' said it was 34. Alright, let's just get this started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have to say The 25. What do you mean? It's March 25th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you fucking hit me like that, man. You spilt my drink on my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? No man. That wouldn't do the trick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what would happen if the chick started going down on the guy? What would the play-by-play be for that, son?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was all right, he lived, okay, so maybe he poked his little head over the fucking balcony and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That dog, man. Lassie. Callie. He was a callie. You think Lassie's real? No, I just, he was the smart dog, obviously, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably the same thing they press in. That's how they click right at the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figured it last night, that's probably the best thing you could ever take on a fucking airplane. Why? Oh you know, you can't, you can't sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the fuck is Ryan? Missed him for two days. Now he's calling to say, hey, can you suck the charges? No. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seize a shadow, and that means there's gonna be more winner. Makes no fuckin' sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's party time. Spring's here. No?