[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, it, it, it just felt like super recycled, you know, like he was just doing, he was making jokes and doing bits that like I'd already seen him do on TV sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like, and I know that that's kind of how it works, but like it was just a bit, it just, it, it, it wasn't like that funny. Like I think that like a lot of the laughter felt like it was just nervous laughter because people thought they were going to get heckled or something by him, but like it wasn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it didn't, it didn't seem fresh or new, you know? There wasn't anything like in it that just sort of like fucking sent the crowd like spinning or anything, you know what I mean? Like, it was okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only very occasionally, so like, sometimes- To defer all of the tax. Sometimes we'll get like, you know, like a comedian come through, if he's touring the UK, like, very, very rarely will we get like, you know, like a big musician come through, like, I think Robbie Williams came here one time. There's like, there's not really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking, it's like, it's like a high school gymnasium at best, like with bleachers, like it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you don't really seek out a shit movie. Like you just sort of, you like the sound of something or something sounds like it might be okay. And it turns out to be really heaving, steaming shit. But, um, you know, you tried it out anyway, just to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, fuck me, like it was, it felt like such a fucking chore getting through it. I was like watching it on the plane, which didn't help either. But man, it was like visually impressive, but holy crap, like it was fucking bad. Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which may not hold up now, but at the time, you know, I mean the 90s was a different time, right? Like, when something came out in the theaters, it was a big fucking deal. Like, I remember when Terminator 2 came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like 10 o'clock at night and there was a fucking lineup all the way outside, like around the mall. It was, it was insane. It was just, it was huge. Everybody was like so fucking excited to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the biggest movie of 1991. Oh god. It was, it was cool, like it was really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming back to Moana, I was reading about it because I've seen it so many times. So I looked it up because I wanted to see like, you know, if it fucking did well or it was received well. And it turns out it was received pretty well. And, um, it was like, they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not sure, but they estimated that it probably cost about 150 million to make, like all in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That has fucking Mickey Mouse on it, and that's what he shits on. He doesn't shit on Mickey's face, obviously, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but no, there's literally, there's merchandise for everything when it comes to Disney. And like, and people buy it up. Like it could be anything. Like you could probably get a fucking Moana themed toaster if you looked really hard. You know what I mean? Like there's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's everywhere. So like, the fucking amount of money that that movie would have made for them is staggering. It's just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I never watched it. I remember when it came out though. You should see it, it's so good. I was working in Blockbuster at the time, and this is back when they still have VHS tapes. It was when DVDs were just coming out, right? So you had half VHS and then half DVDs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I remembered like the cover of it. Like, John Travolta looked like a Klingon or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about that one, uhm, what about that one about, uh, video games or the internet or whatever that Sandler did? What was it called? Like, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the one that has like the big Pac-Man in it. It was like a big Pac-Man, I think. It wasn't Click. Click was the one where he has the magical remote control. I never saw that. Oh, pixels. Pixels, yea. What? Did anyone see that? No. No, not one bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is terrible. I mean, Catwoman was bad. What was the last movie you guys actually saw in the theatre? Do you guys go to the cinema a lot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw the Lego Batman movie, uhm, recently. That was, uhm, that was something. Sure. I can't remember the last time I saw like an adult movie in the theatres. You mean an adult movie? Yea, we take my son to like see movies, but obviously he's not gonna go fucking see Pulp Fiction or whatever, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't not see like the frog face from SA like next to the title of that movie. Like the get out guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin', I'm lovin' the To Be Continued's. These are good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would have to be like a documentary style, like Bobby Fischer sort of thing, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would have to be done maybe kind of like, uh, like best in show. Remember that movie? Best in show? Yeaah. This is really crazy. You could do Monopoly. Yeaah. So you'd have to find like some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People that could play like Eccentrics that like, you know, go on world tour. It could be like the Wolf of Wall Street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what they should do. That's what they should do. They should do like a, they should do for like Red Nose Day next year, Comic Relief. They should get the cast of Dragon's Den to play Monopoly. Like just live stream it for a couple of hours. Get like the old crew too, like get fucking like Theo Profetus and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boardwalk? I don't have enough money for that. I'm out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just rage quits, just like fucking flips the table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. If anyone knows the cast of Dragon's Den, UK edition, get em in. Float that one by them and see what they think. And thank me later when we get to watch this next year for Red Nose Day, like how fucking funny would that be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, I have something that's going to blow your mind. I saw Monopoly in the store the other day and it doesn't come with Monopoly money. It came with like, this like little fucking like pocket, like calculator thing, uh, with like a, like a credit card sort of thing. What the fuck? That sounds awful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing with Monopoly now though, there's lots of different editions too, right? There's like a Star Wars Monopoly, Moana Monopoly, there's even a Jersey Monopoly now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look I got news for you fella. There's plastic in everything now. Holy fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well guess what? All those little bits of synthetic fiber that get blasted out of the hot air vent and on your, uh, tumble dryer that probably leads outside get zooped out into the environment, absorbed by it and then comes back into you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Germany and I like German people, but there's something about making fun of them that's just, I mean, I just can't help myself. No. It's just their accent to me is brilliant when I do my stupid comedy German accent, it makes me happy. And I like joking about the war, even though it was the worst thing that ever happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a question. I've got a question for you guys. Cause that's 22 minutes of Oktoberfest chat. So I've got another topic that's been burning in my brain all week. I don't know why I've been thinking about this. Right. So I was thinking about cults. Like religious cults that start up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And first of all, I'm thinking, how do you get into one of those in the first place? Like, how do you start your own religious cult? Not because I want to, but I'm just curious about the process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know if that's true, but the guy from- the guy from the Heaven's Gate cult wasn't a- he just looked like a weirdo. A lot of them just looked like weirdos. I think some of them are good public figures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was, it was small, but like the Georgetown, that was a pretty big cult. Like that was a lot of people that killed themselves there. And there were lots of cults. But anyway, my point is this. You get your cult going, and I'm wondering if, like the cult leader obviously


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think, I think a lot of them are just thinking, you know what, this'll be a laugh, won't it? We'll just start a cult, and I'll make it one of those sex cults where we all have sex with each other, and I'll be the leader, and I'll have lots of sex, and we'll say that drugs are cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon, I reckon that's probably true for quite a few of them, but there are always gonna be some guys that are gonna know exactly what this is, and they're just along for the ride. They're just like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because a lot of these cults have like a leadership thing, you know, you've got the guy in charge and he's got some honchos below him, they've got some honchos below them. And they've probably all got perks, like they get to have sex with five of the women instead of all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the guys that come in there, they, they know, like, what's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and do drugs and live in a cult and not have to pay taxes and just basically have a laugh. But I'm wondering if sometimes they accidentally sort of let slip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. It didn't fall from the sky. The key Mormon belief is that Jesus and some of his lads took a boat to America and just sailed over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, if you read the Bible, it's pretty clear that Jesus and his pals are poor lads, right? They're not rich. He was a carpenter. None of the other lads are rich. He has a lot of shit to say about rich people in the Bible. He ain't gonna rock up with no gold tablets. But you're in America now, uh, in the Book of Mormon, so it's all gonna be pretty fancy. Trump tower style, lots of gold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, so he found these tablets under a tree or something, some angel came to him and said, go to the tree and dig up the tablets, and he could read them, only he could read them through a special magnifying glass or a pair of glasses, and he had to have his head in a bag, so no one else could see these tablets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I've misremembered a lot of it, I'm sure. The guy that originally was transcribing for Joseph Smith, he lost the notes, and Joseph Smith had to do it all again, and he was like super angry, and the guy was like, well we can just do it again, you've got the tablets, and Joseph Smith is obviously thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, dude, I was making all that shit up on the fly, reading out of a bag, you can't expect me to remember it verbatim, like there were a lot of differences between the original draft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what got me thinking about the cult thing. That Joseph Smith was full of shit. Like he called it Mormons, which is one letter away basically from the morons, right? Like it's not that difficult to understand that Joseph Smith was a con artist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And obviously, I don't think he believed for one second, cause you couldn't. Cause you're lying to people's faces all day long. And the idea that, oh, well eventually you believe the lie. I don't believe that. I think he knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then he just did it. So I mean, there's no, if you, you can listen on YouTube to speeches that he gave, which are bonkers, where he talks about how he was sitting on a comet and he describes all, like all these, um, the, the, the, uh, spacecraft that this,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so I think a lot of these cult leaders, not all of them, some of them, like the Heaven's Gate guy killed himself, fair play to him, you know, he bought into his own bullshit, fair play. There's a lot of people-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the idea that the cult leader, like some guy one day accidentally pulls the wrong curtain and reveals something behind the curtain that the rest of the crowd wasn't meant to see and the cult leader says to the guy, what are you doing dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? So what are you gonna blow the whole fucking thing? We get to have sex with all these women? And do drugs? And pretend that we're gonna escape on a spaceship? You're just fucking it all up. I'm sorry, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, add stuff to his details. Like he's just there saying, look, I don't know. And they're just like, you know, he doesn't know. And they sort of take everything he says and expand upon it. You don't need other voices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean generally the only sort of culty thing I do is stream on Twitch and I have a very specific mindset I guess for how I want the Twitch chat of my stream to be. Right. And I'm kind of, kind of, uhm, mean to people that don't fit that particular...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scheme. So for example. Exclusive. So like, you know, exclusionary. I was streaming XCOM, uhm, for the last few days, because I'm back on it. Right. And this guy pops up, yea, this guy pops up and says, well, I'm having to rip my dick off too much, so I'm gonna go, I'll see you guys later. And I just banned him. I was like, get the fuck out and don't come back. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very different. It's very different. I'll tell you why it's different. No, it's not. I will tell you why it's different. I don't get the chance to go up to the footballer on the pitch as he's about to take a penalty and say, you should really put it to the goalkeeper's left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what do players do? They have nothing to do with the fans, if they can help it. There is no, like, everybody thinks there's a huge connection between the players and the fans. There is not. There is a massive wall between the players and the fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I hate is when I'm in the wrong mood for finding things funny? Like I'm just, I'm in a serious mood for some reason and someone will say something or something is obviously funny and I find myself doing that thing where you go, well actually and you sort of explain it or you just try and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't get it, like, you're just not in the right frame of mind for something to be funny. If someone says something funny, I'm just like, I'm just like, well, that's clearly not the case. The chicken is clearly not gonna cross the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if humor is the first thing to go when you're in a bad mood. Having a sense of humor just goes straight out the fucking window. It definitely is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People get nervous when they, when they meet, uhm, people that they know from the internet, which is crazy to me, but they're like, like trying to catch their breath. You're like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but that's what I'm saying is there are times when, there are times when the person is deliberately trolling and there are times when they literally just couldn't think of something else to say and they, they just, their brain completely fired and they just spat out something that you would say to someone you didn't like. And I just think, I just think it's funny. People just sometimes get a bit messed up. Oh, is that like someone's phone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just realized that when I do the poker streams, when I do the poker streams, all I do is flame the other people's poker play constantly and get triggered and say, oh my God, I can't believe this stuff like that. And people are going to point that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're not listening. So that's fine. Like I'm, I'm commentating for the audience at home and the people in the fucking room are not, they can't hear the abuse. But that's what makes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you know what, talking about, talking about poker, uhm, I was at my mate's birthday party at the weekend, and uh, he's a guy I used to play poker with, like we used to have a home game, we ran, it was, ran for years actually, there was about 8 or 10 of us regulars and we'd rotate at people's houses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of the guys there that I met, he was a friend of, a friend of my friends, I was chatting to him for about 15 minutes and he suddenly says, are you Pirian Flax? Like out of nowhere. And I was like, uh, yeah. He goes, oh, I'm a massive Yogscast fan. I was like, oh, cool. And then I was like, how do I continue this conversation now? Cause we were talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing to do with anything really, but then the moment people heard about it, all these guys came over, they're talking about Crusader Kings, talking about, like this one guy wanted to send me his Crusader Kings save so I could see how it was going, and this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. And if I get enough hair in my head that I have a ten foot tall hairdo of women's hair all stacked up, God will come and save us all. Okay? That's the gist of it. And we all have to have sex all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast with me, Lewis, Piri and Flax, and also Zips. We have a Patreon now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, right. Is this a recent thing or? It smells a little pissy. Well, she actually wanted to be in, in one because she was sort of struggling to sort of look after herself. No, she wanted to get away from you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she's 92, so you know, she's fairly, fairly, you know, I feel like she's the kind of lady who struggled to look after herself when she was young, let alone, you know, old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, she, she never, for me like, my nana was never particularly like a home cooker. She was a microwave meal, or frozen meal kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your childhood years were during the war, which is kind of a weird time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you got a big progeny of grandchildren and great grandchildren, she's got some great grandchildren now, you know, it's difficult to keep track. Yeah, true, true. Um, so, you know, I can give her an excuse for that. No, she was very chipper actually. She was very, very jolly. We had a good time chatting about all sorts of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always find it interesting to chat to her about stuff. She's not very good about what happened in the last year, but she knows exactly what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a guy whose job is to put roofs on model buildings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when someone knocks on your door at home, right? Like, if you've got like a glass window, you want them to knock on the wood around the glass. You don't want them to come up and like fucking, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the eternal scam is always there. There's always, there's always a way to, to scams, to bribe someone, you know, even in 2019.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did that the other day, yeaah, I went, and I, I, I bought, I went into a shoe shop, looked at a pair of shoes, the first ones off the shelf, I put them on, tried them out, they fit alright, I was like alright, I'll take them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're introverted though, like, some people do respond to that. I mean, for you, I guess, like, any time someone gives you the hard sell or something, they make, it instantly gets me on edge as well, like, is there something wrong with this? You now need to be a salesman to sell me the thing that I was gonna buy before you started selling it to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and, uh, it's, it's down across the country somewhere. Yeah, I didn't get invited, um. Well, yeah, well, you can't invite that many people, Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, there's, there's, there's, there's, it's, I mean, yeaah, it's, it's, it's fine, the obvious is, you, you. That's the sound of dignity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like if you went to the doctors and they were like, you know, I've been having these anxiety attacks and they're like, okay, here's a prescription for a bottle of Jameson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had hail here yesterday. It hailed. It hailed for like 10 minutes and then the sun came out. It was like kinda nice. Well that's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Global warming is the cause, I think. There's lots of uncertainty in the weather systems, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you have like, what if your, what if your cell phone runs out of batteries, right? What if your cordless phone runs out of batteries and you're, there's an emergency and you have to phone, you know, 911 or whatever. You have to have a landline for that, right? It's always going to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I had this moment yesterday, I was making some tea, and uhm, it was really cold, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Washing up sink. The additional sink. The double sink. The sink that never gets used in my house anyway. It's like this little tiny mini sink. So it's like perched there. And then I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sort of like almost fell and I was like, oh shit, like what if that had fallen down and you know, gone all over me and scalded me and I had to go like to the hospital or something. It was like 9 o'clock at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do something like totally careless and then it almost falls on you or something bad almost happens and you're just like, woah, why the fuck did I do that? But you can see how easily people could jug themselves too, right? That moment of madness where you just like, you know, perch it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's futuristic, it makes the house feel more like the Jetsons and also uhm, it's really good for conserving energy too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just lay in bed all day and my wife's life is a living hell, like she's just downstairs, slaving away, like just, just waiting for that moment. DEAR!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, and then he could have just taken it over and just said, oh yeaah, sorry we lost. Anyway, I'm just gonna go and, you know, fucking farm this one field that I have, and he just goes back to that other castle and just like, you know, rules that, rules that. Just disappears, I'm not listed to you anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, I'm just glad that I'm alive in this day and age and not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably recently where things like became okay and somewhat bearable, but like, man, like was like much harder, wasn't it? A long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. And like, you used to get the death penalty for like, nothing. Like, if you stole a piece of bread or something, you get like, life imprisonment or the death penalty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eating spaghetti and barfing up the spaghetti on a hill and stuff like, oh my god, it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a job, right? So like it's the same as, you know, working at the staple factory. You don't, you don't ask old man Benson, you know, midway through the shift, can I go have a nap? I'm feeling a little bit tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, yea, you're not gonna just like walk up to the Colonel and be like, yo, really sleepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's an interesting, it's an interesting, uh, thing that isn't it. I'm sure that that would actually happen in real life too. If you gave people all new fresh young bodies. That's probably the first thing they would do. That's what I'd fucking do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're like, fuck it, we're going to rent everything. So we rented some segues and it was amazing. We were just like tearing around this park. There's like all these people like with their kids and they're all holding hands and having a nice time. Then there's these two fucking goons just tearing around on these segues doing jumps over these like little, the little hedges and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a moment like that the other day. I had a bit of a meltdown on Twitch the other day because people were talking about my YouTube channel and saying, you know, how come I haven't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should start doing vlogs. And then it triggered me so hard I just fucking lost it. I was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, it's just, it's just weird though, cause like, you know, when you, when you stream every day, like, what, what the hell would you say in a vlog? Like, I mean, you cover pretty much everything already anyway, right? Or like, well I do, like anything new that happens, you know, which is, which is very, very few things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My grandma used to do that and we used to, we used to be the same. We'd be like, oh fuck, here comes this story again, like every time. But then, then she got dementia and we're like, oh fuck, I guess she like had dementia coming along like all this time sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck's sake. Yeah, I know, my grandma was the exact same. Like there was always just, every time she'd come around for dinner, whatever, like Christmas or something, you just knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With like alcohol. But if you're stone sober and you have to, you know, fucking suffer through another telling of that same story, it sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The minute you, you, you stream all those years without a webcam and then all of a sudden you turn it on and everybody's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like they'd play like the opening rift of Smells Like Teen Spirit, everybody would start cheering going nuts and stuff. And then they would like, you know, cleverly transition into like Rape Me or something like that instead of like a not play Smells Like Teen Spirit. And then they would just refuse to play it for like the rest of the show, which is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On one hand it's like kinda shitty, you know when you hear bands that are like being like that or you know like being like kinda like divas about shit or whatever but at the same time like pretty fucking funny too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like the girl who gets her tits out at a concert and the guy who hoards water should combine into like one...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost like, you know, like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins, you know, like he's the one man band. He's got like the big, the big drum and he's got like the horns attached to his feet and the cymbals attached to his shoulders or whatever. And he can play the music all, all by himself sort of thing. So you could get like, you could get like the tit-bearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh right, yeah, and this is her, this is her outlet. She goes to gigs. She goes, she goes up on some dude's shoulders and then just like- With the neighbor. Gets her tits out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, oh, uh, yeah, me and my boring friend went to just a boring opera. I can see that rumple at the bottom of your thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it would start on channel 4 because it's weird enough to start life on channel 4 and it would be a sensation and everybody would love it, alright? And then after about 10 years of this show being on, uhm, everybody would be really sick of it because it's like, okay, this format sucks now, we're sick of this boner show, we don't want to watch it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then channel four would announce, we're canceling the boner game show. We're gonna cancel it, okay? It's never coming back. And then, like, the five people who are still watching are like, aww shit, my favorite boner game show is being cancelled. But have no fear, it's ten years old and the horse has been beaten to death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here comes ITV to pick it up and buy the rights for it and put it on. So ITV 10 years later have decided that the Boner game show is the way to go. Is their prime Saturday night slot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so then it doesn't even become about the boner anymore. It's like a fucking weird like society piece or whatever. That runs for five years and then finally ITV decide to can it and pick up some other like, you know, fucking tapped out thing that channel four have done and then channel five picks it up and that's where it finally dies, the boner show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's no singing in it or music whatsoever, okay? It's just called the boner instead. So the four judges are turned around, they can't see, okay? And they're only going off of the crowd reaction to whoever's come out and shown their boner, right? And then they choose to turn around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, Japan, fucking Japan probably is all over this shit, like even while we're talking about it, it's the, you know, the opening night of, you know, the boners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the hosts, like the hosts are, but yeaah, yeaah, I guess they have recurring guests and stuff too, right? Some people who have been like funnier than others or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rob Brydon as well, right? He's just done every fucking panel show to you and that other guy from peep show. What's his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's on, he's on all the shows now too, right? Panel shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a quick question. What is a stick play?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my parent, my mother went all out compared to this. Oh god, it was a month long thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we had this little mailbox in the living room that she would bring out every Christmas and I would have to write a letter to Santa, but the elves would pick it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I- I play it through my head every fucking time. How do I- CSI this shit, like, we left the house at the same time. How did she manage to do this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like the elves would come, and they would leave a mess. There would be glitter, confetti, candy, all over the house, the mailbox would be stuffed full, she would already have a letter typed out from the elves, like to go, a reply, I don't know how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it would do basically kind of similar. We would have to sprinkle out the reindeer food out on the snow. Cause usually in Ohio we get way too much snow. Um, sprinkle out all the reindeer food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been, I've been, I've cleaned up after the elves, everything's good, everything's kosher, you know, it's all good, we're ready. Carrots for the elves, or the reindeer, I put out reindeer sparkly food so that they can land safely, like it was a whole, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, cause we didn't have a chimney. I was worried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I remember writing to the elves and being like, is it okay? We don't have a chimney. Are you gonna be able to get into the apartment? Do you need a key? Do you need me to leave it unlocked?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, everything was thought through. We had a checklist that I would send.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so, then we'd leave out the cookies and all of that. The mailbox would be, I'd write one last letter to Santa saying thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then uhm, one year I got a fish. That was really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Classic fish names. Yes. And, uh, that was that. I picked the five presents I wanted most. Any other presents after that would be given to the local charity and that was that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I would write pretexts, I would write my thank you note the night of Christmas, and that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I'm terrified about having to share a room at events with people because I've never had to do it. Yeah, I never did. It's like, I wake up screaming. Like, it's terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a nightmare literally last night about being forced to go back to school and all the teachers were zombie vampires.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wake straight up and then I walk around the room for a little bit and just try and calm down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the shit, you need to do it like that one, there was multiple Christmas movies, right, about this. The kid, Home Alone, that's what it was. You need to just Home Alone booby trap the whole place. Legos, put some like, sticky tape on the ground, like, you know, cats, you know, to keep cats off corners, put that on the floor. Yeah, but he knew that they were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Welcome with me. We're back. And also Pflags. And also Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw about 200 games that haven't come out yet and there's so many cool interesting indies and so many fun little things and so many different things coming out that are really innovative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I had a really great time, honestly, and I think it's because I've not really been to one of these things. I didn't go to E3. I didn't really, I didn't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pay attention at Gamescom, what was coming out, I kind of did my own thing, and as a result...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did really have any, any vision of what's being made. I don't really, you know, if someone says, well, what game are you excited for this year? I'm like, uh, Cyberpunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I don't really have any, and also, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's tough to uhm, sometimes find a game that's playable for a long period of time with your friends. You know, something that lasts for long enough, but also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't get its hooks into you, and you know, I've been playing The Division 2 this week, and I've obviously like, played it a few, a few hours, and I've got a level 9 character or whatever, so like, if someone wants to come along and play with me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's kind of the right mantra though, like, to just play something different once. But it's def- it's tough, like, I think the reason that these things work is because you know them, right? You know Monopoly, you know Cluedo, you know these things, like, vaguely. Like, I think when some game comes along and it's called something weird,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, oof, am I gonna like it? Am I gonna hate it? And it's a little bit like with Today I Played, uhm, which is the interpsies thing where we try and try and play a different game every day. Some of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's tough. That's a little bit like, like life, you know, sometimes you don't know what that was going to be like until you try it and you know, don't be scared to try new things within reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that is unfortunately the game. As I was playing it, you know, I found that it felt like you had to headshot a guy four times in order to kill them, and that feels to me like a weird thing in a kind of setting of an army style shooter, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's worth saying that, yeah, games don't seem to necessarily have evolved, uhm, in some cases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I go, at GDC we saw a lot of pixely games, we saw a lot of games that were familiar in some ways, like a lot of people are remaking the sort of classic Nintendo 2D or 3D platformers or, or, or, um, you know, things like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A good game, I think, is uhm, anything that you enjoy playing with, with friends, okay? Like, it doesn't have to be a traditionally good game as long as you, I mean, and we'll play anything, right, with each other, because we're hanging out with friends, like, it doesn't have to be good, but, but when you find an actual good game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sort of, I think it might be more of a drug thing, actually. Now I think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We always stay in Union Square, which is a nice area, ish, but it kind of bumps right up against the Tenderloin, which is this area, kind of, which is plagued with meth zombies, basically. Right, yeah. And drug addicts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weirdly like, American cities are obviously grids and in a sense that keeps them open, but also it keeps the sort of problems in plain sight. I'm sure other cities, especially like London and other places have areas that you don't really want to go to or walk through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it happens. It's society, it's by design.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a way, uhm, the grid sort of set up in San Francisco means that if you just walked somewhere in a random direction, there's a good chance you will accidentally end up in a very dodgy neighborhood and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Genuinely feel like you're about to be stabbed or like someone is about to just grab your phone or someone is, you know, I mean, I walked past as usual in San Francisco. I was there for like five days. I didn't really have any days off particularly, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in the evenings, occasionally after GDC, I walked to a bar or I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a lot of crazy people, like just drugged up people. I assume that they're a mixture of both. Uhm, weird people. Are they really essential?


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[Assistant] I'm in awe, like just interesting shit. So I was walking down one place and there was just, um, on just like on a, on like on a street. It was sunny, really sunny and it'd been, it's apparently been raining for a week since it was like the first day it was sunny and it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like 20 degrees. Uhm, and so the first thing I saw when I was walking down for breakfast was, uh, this homeless guy, just fully naked, just like on the, on the pavement, just, just saluting the sun, like, you know, just arms out like Jesus on the cross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, you know, fully sharing, enjoying the sun, like worshipping the sun. Right. Just on the, just on the side of the road, you know, totally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] America, right? So I was like, cool. Just walked around him, carried on. And then later on...


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[Assistant] Me and Terps were walking down this road towards Height, and so obviously everyone at San Francisco will be like, oh yeah, I know where that is, that's like the Soho, that's like, that's like, you know, you'll just see naked people on the street there, don't worry about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was this, this, um, this black man and he had like three other guys with him, but they were all kind of, they were wearing shorts. They weren't fully nude. He was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just fully naked, just, you know, dick swinging, big dreadlocks, just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So yeaah, like that was interesting. And then obviously we did walk down, uhm, through Height Ashbury, which is like this sort of trendy- Hate, hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hate. Hate. Sorry. Hate. Hate. Don't know how to pronounce it. Nice. Uh, had a vegan burger, which was nice. Ugh, of course you did. And bought some shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't know, looked at all the bong shops and stuff, um, and stuff, which was interesting. And there's a lot of interesting stuff there. It's all very hipster and interesting anyway. And it just, in the middle of the street, there were like five white guys, all fully nude, except they were wearing like the tiniest little


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And well, because like, they had these big guts, like big bellies, like hanging out over it, it was, it was like, it was like very, very much shut out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad sent me a thing yesterday, so he's, they're selling their house and they have to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether this is, is coming with the property or staying with the owner or it doesn't exist. Okay. And so one of them, for example, was like bedroom five. Okay. Populated sex gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, so there was like, so basically my dad had like, basically this whole thing, it was like three or four pages long and my dad had clearly gone through and sort of just done it and ticked it all as he, as he seed fear. But then my mum had had a look at it and gone, oh, you've done this all wrong. Um, you know, this, this shouldn't be this. So he went through and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then some of the boxes, he ticked like all fucking three and then tippexed out the rules. I was like, how could you get this so wrong?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you say that, he'd probably, I'd probably be able to help him with it and he'd probably manage it better than, better than he's handling tippex. But it is a, it is certainly a thing from his generation, like that he obviously, he was obviously like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so bad, it was never like, and you never waited properly for it to dry, and so you always put it on too thick. Man, fucking Tipex, what a shit thing it is. It's such a shit thing, you know you can get like this tape


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Found it on a lie. Found it on a lie, yes. So, basically, I, I, I didn't expect to carry on reading it, but uhm, I, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically there's this, this, this fanfic called Harry Potter and the methods of rationality. Right. Okay. I want to kill myself. It's like an alternate reality where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone isn't an idiot, basically. They kind of are more rational. So basically, Harry Potter is kind of this book nerd, who goes to Hogwarts, um, and hasn't kind of been, hasn't really had these like abusive parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but like, so basically, like, the idea is he's like a sort of miniature Ravenclaw Spock kind of character, right? Well, he joins Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ravenclaw book nerds and Hufflepuff are in, at least in JK Rowling's universe. Wait a second, wait a second.


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[Assistant] No, not really, some of them are kind of more like, just, like, they're supposed to be, I mean, it's very stereotypical to break it down as simply as that, but I think JK Rowling doesn't do a great job of making them that set, giving them that much of an identity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a thing that she might have done, yeaah, when no one asked for it. Just to appeal to me right on. So Harry Potter, sorry I didn't realise I was talking to two guys who'd never read the books or watched the movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, so, so it wasn't, it's basically it's written by this guy who, it reads a lot like someone on r slash iamverysmart, do you know what I mean? Like someone, someone who is way smarter than- The human version of Jabba the Hutt. Sorry, not as smart as they think they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, who's like half understood and half read a smart book for smart people and then tells everyone what he's learned from it as if it's like, you know, the gospel of Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I'm a big fan of Harry Potter. I read all the books back in the day and I know the story pretty well. I've read it, I think I've read the whole thing through like, well, at least the first few books I read through like twice back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're great books, but they do have like these kind of frustrating moments where it's a thing in movies and TV in general where people act in a way that is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very dumb in order to keep the plot going, uhm, or in order to leave even a story there. Because if people will behave rationally, most problems will be wrapped up in five minutes for that, you know, they wouldn't go on for seven seasons, you know. I think something that, something that, that certain


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as a result, they tend to be, the better books that they write tend to be stuff that they know about. People always say write what you know. Uhm, and if you, if people like, I read some hard sci-fi stuff like, uhm, Neil Stevenson and stuff, and it feels like people who have a sciency background can write that stuff well. Uhm, whereas J.K. Rowling,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't necessarily, she came up with a lot of stuff, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's certain things that are just massively overlooked in her books, and people will obviously just have this suspension of disbelief that they're like, oh okay, that's maybe not a thing, but this guy who's writing this fanfic kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Addresses those things and ties them in to the, to the narrative as if, so it's kind of like it's, it's a rewrite of Harry Potter almost. Feels like in a sort of narrative universe. And it's, it's as if Harry was this kind of, was just a bit smarter with people. Or in fact, a lot smarter with people. He's kind of like a very, he's, he's portrayed as this incredibly smart


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 11 year old who can kind of rationally argue with people and make them not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't actually know how that, so that's actually even addressed in this fanfic. Like, Harry talks to Dumbledore about how he doesn't want to be Frodo and Dumbledore's Gandalf. They have a big chat about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because in this, in this fanfic and universe, people are aware of popular culture, believe it or not. Like none of that is normally addressed in Harry Potter. But in this it's kind of more like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you could also, but you should have a look through the young adult section. There's a lot of, there's a lot of death and sex and adult themes in there. It's not all like fucking, you know, the big pink mouse walked out onto the road today.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think it's correcting necessarily as much as addressing, um, but also like, man, I just found it, I didn't expect it, I've only read like about 10 chapters, but I thought that, you know, I didn't expect to read past the first one, honestly, but I was just interested in what it was about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look, you know, it's somewhat posted on the Reddit the other day saying that they can't look at Mercy and Elsa in the same way anymore when they're watching. Who's Mercy? From Overwatch. You know, because of the TTT characters that Shin and Duncan have.


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[Assistant] I feel like anything, like I don't think Harry Potter's a kids book, we've been through this a million times, but in the same way that I think it's pitched out there in the middle of the road, right? In the same way that a lot of place things are pitched out there in the middle of the road so that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in the same way, you could say that World of Warcraft's a kids game, right? And Marvel's a kids game and Star Wars and all the superhero movies are kids movies. And honestly, like, I think that some of them skew younger than others, but I think most of them are just thrown down the middle of the road. And I think Harry Potter,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, a, a, a universe that so many people are very attached to and follow. And I think that the fan audience around it is still huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, I went to Harry Potter Wizarding World in Universal last year, and it was a really nice thing to do as a fan, like just to kind of see that. Like, I think that when you've read, like in a sense the same way as Lord of the Rings, I don't think Harry Potter


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Excuse any younger than Lord of the Rings does, but I enjoyed going to Hobbiton when I went to New Zealand because I'd read the books, I was familiar with it. I'd played a bit of Lord of the Rings online. I'd, you know, I'd put enough time into the Lord of the Rings universe to, to, to be attached to it and feel like it was an enjoyable part of my life. Um, and so yeah, I think that you can, you shouldn't dismiss things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's for kids in the same way that like, I think that you shouldn't dismiss the recommendations for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If too many people tell you something's good, then you're like, I don't want to drink that Kool-Aid. Yeah, I see what you mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably alright. But at the same time, look at Resident Evil 2. Like, you gave it a good go, it wasn't for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that's the same thing with this thing. Like I, I, if I didn't, if I read the first chapter and I got totally turned off, I would have been like, meh, I'll, I'll. That's true. You know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the thing, right? The internet allows the community to work together on something, so I get the feeling that this fanfic has been, the guy who put it out originally, I don't think it was written very well in sort of British English or like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're right. I think you are 100% right on that actually. But I think that at the same time, like, I think that some people have different levels of expertise. Some people know about this thing, or some people know about different areas of science, some people don't know about different areas of the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a sense like, but that is itself entertaining stuff, right? Like a lot of people can, you could see why if someone comes up with like, so basically what he did was he, uh, uh, one of the chapters he actually combined, compiled like a list of the best


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really interesting just to, to read through that as a kind of non-canon chapter in the middle of the fanfic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like, community suggestions of funny, funny stuff, like curated though, to like the best ones, and all the ones that he liked the most, all the ones that fit most in his canon, and like, do you know what I mean? Like, it felt like, it was a nice to have, and the Xyborne clock was a cool


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good shit. So, I was gonna, I was, my immediate thought was, oh, it's just a bit blocked up with hair, but then I realised who I was talking to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now. There you go. Done. That was, that was, she was actually quite, quite pleasant. And better singing voice than I've got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've thought about moving back to the States. We almost did it about 15 years ago and then we were like, I just imagined, like you said, you're used to a way of life and people and the culture of the UK. And I was like, can I go somewhere where they just, there isn't really a sense of going for a Sunday roast in a pub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? I'm like, that is something I really, really enjoy and I can't imagine never doing that again. And everywhere you eat, just being...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of a few chains and stuff like that. I don't know, I feel like America's, uh, it's a little too money-centric for me. Everything seems to be about money. Everybody seems to be driven by money. Even though all of us are in a way. I know, I know what you mean. In America, I feel it's too much. You know what I mean? It feels like it's everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had two barbecues in three days, like I was like breaking out straight away, like boom, let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have propane? It's coals, it's proper coals. Okay, good. So I use, uhm, a mixture normally if it's a big barbecue. You get these awesome little bags that are like pre-wrapped in paper. Yeah. And the whole thing's been soaked in paraffin. Yes. Just like the corners, bingo. Yes. But what I do is, it's amazing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we ran out, we used them all up, I had one left, so I used it on the first barbecue, second barbecue, I was like alright. So I just started hunting around in my shed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And honestly, it's like a magical den. You go in there, you think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really thought I had some coal and you go in there and bang, there's a bag of coal. It's like a bag of holding from Dungeons and Dragons. You know, you just reach into the shed and pull something out. So I'm trying to get these coals going and it's kind of getting there, but it's taking a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do. So I had it in a nice pyramid, I had my kindling, but the only thing I had was like paper. And it doesn't burn for long enough or hot enough to really get the coals going. So I thought, god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, or some of these little firelighter tablets, it's like Styrofoam, but it's really good stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's, I spread it out and then it was, it was great. Uhm, it was just, it was, like I, I didn't think I had any left. Go to the magic, magical shed of holding, reach into a bag, bam. Of course, I've still got some from last summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or it might have been like a secret society, secret society of short wearers, but he's like, I didn't get the memo that we were shorting today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I was talking about married life and everything. I was thinking about this this morning. Why didn't Al Bundy want to have sex with Peg? Yeah, Peg was smoking actually. Let me stop you there. She has a wig by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well, you know, the character was still hot. Yeah. God damn, I was like, why isn't he having sex with Peggy all the time? She's literally saying, Al, come and make love to me, and he's just like, no, pig. Like, I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Al, you're crazy. I would've too. And Fran Drescher on the nanny as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like if you build more roads, more people drive on the roads, it doesn't alleviate traffic, it just means more cars, so maybe you have more space, you have more crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking of uh, talking of prepping, uh, I watched a YouTube channel for this guy who does reviews of rations. I think he's called MRE Steve, I think is his name. That's not the channel name, but if you look for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he'd be like, oh, this chocolate's, it's got a lot of bloom on there, it's looking a little, little pale, but uh, let's give it a try. And he'll try and go, oh, oh, well that's one of the worst things I've ever eaten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, but it's great. And he says, he'll open up the pack, he goes, alright, let's see what we got here. Alright, let's get this onto a tray. And then it cuts. And all the food's neatly laid out in a tray. And he goes, nice. Like every episode. And I always wait for the, let's get this out onto a tray. I don't know why, but I love the way he says it's, it's, his stuff is great. Anyway, I was, I watched like all of his videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I know, I know. Like, uh, today we're gonna be reviewing a 1995 Lithuanian Army MRE. Okay. And he like, opens it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is crazy that we expected people to fight for the country, but by God, we're not going to feed and water them. There's water in no man's land. Just move the dead bodies out of the way and get some water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's such a, that's such a thing that, uh, that, like soldiers always say, like, that if you give a soldier time to think, they'll start complaining.


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[Assistant] I'm thinking no fucking wonder, it's a miserable job. Oh my god. It's incredibly dangerous and you're stuck in the middle of a fucking field getting shot at for weeks at a time. And drinking piss water. Drinking trench tea. Drinking trench tea. And eating the dead. Like, fucking hell. Oh, did you see this?


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[Assistant] But all of their teeth, you can see where we got the reputation for bad teeth. Their teeth were, I mean, snaggletooth is a polite way of putting it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there's literally no braces. Nothing.


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[Assistant] This was European TwitchCon. First of all, on the, at the airport on the way back, I was waiting for my plane and a lad came up, young lad, and he said, uh, Heroun? And I was like, hello. And he hadn't been at TwitchCon, he just happened to be in Berlin that weekend with his girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, oh, I'm a massive fan of the Triforce podcast. So I said I'd give you a shout out. Joe, shout out to you. Nice to meet you, mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I felt so middle-aged the other day when we went to the car wash. Me and Mrs. F, my mum was up for a couple of weeks, left the kids at home, we popped the shops and then she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go through the car wash. And I was like, ooh, yeah, let's do it. And we went through the car wash together. That was, that was what we did. That was the thing we did as a couple that day, was we went through the fucking car wash. And we loved every minute of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got to the, the hotel, dropped all our stuff off and we went straight out. And we were like, we were on it that whole evening. Like we went to the Twitch sort of welcoming party that they had at the conference center, which was pretty big.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but if I had a criticism, I'd say that there wasn't quite enough to do there, I think. For like the average spectator who was going along, there really wasn't. There was like some speeches to watch and stuff, but there wasn't really much to do. You know what I mean? Like I feel like there could have been more stuff.


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[Assistant] I think so, I don't know how many people there were streamers, I would say a lot, like I saw a lot. There was a lot of people walking around filming themselves and live streaming them going down an escalator or getting a coffee or whatever is like not the kind of shit that we do, but anyway, they were doing that. I was there to hang out with the Yogs guys and meet some people who I hadn't seen in a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was, it was great. I mean, we just, we went out every single night. Like the first night we went out, we went to the Yogs party. I mean, not the Twitch party, sorry. Went there, had all the free booze, had a chat, played some arcade games, hung out. It was a good laugh. I'm gonna, I'm going back to the hotel. I want to get a kebab. Tom tells me, oh yeah, there's one like just across there and to the right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I go over there, there was no kebab place for like a mile, I found a five guys. Just sex shops. Yeah. So I got my five guys, I'm gonna go back to my hotel room, I come back to the bar to say goodnight to everybody, and there's my friend Brian, who I haven't seen in a long time, uhm, he used to be on the Dota scene, uhm, Kpop, for anyone that remembers uhm. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a cool guy. So he now works for D&D Beyond. I was like, holy shit, Brian, I haven't seen you in years. So it was like really good to see him. And he was like, we're going to go do karaoke. Oh, he's not from California. He's, he's from Alabama. He gone go do some karaoke while enjoying his period. I was like, I surely do. So I was like, shit, I was about to go to bed. I was pretty drunk, but I thought, fuck it. The lure of karaoke is enough. Found a karaoke bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a room where you could go in there and smoke which is so alien to anyone from Britain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in Germany, like this is the weird thing. You think about Europe as being more advanced than us, right? That's the way I always think when I go to places like Germany and Sweden and stuff. I always think of them as being more advanced and sort of, you know, socially more aware and more cool and progressive and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you go to Germany and there's people fucking smoking everywhere and you go into this smoking room and everybody in there is smoking like crazy. I was like, this is like going back in time, like I can't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I agree. We've gone too far. And when you couldn't even have a private members club, like, where you can smoke. So there were like cigar clubs. I think they were fucked over in a big way. Like, if I want to have a bar where you can smoke, why can't I have a bar where you can smoke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we were in there and then on the Sunday, like I was pretty hungover at this point, I don't normally go out back to back nights, especially not till 4am, I felt like a real grown up for a while. And then on the Sunday we went out for this big German meal, big heavy stodgy, like you know, my favourite kind of German food.


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[Assistant] I'm eating bratwurst, I'm eating currywurst, I'm eating buttkartoffeln, I'm drinking German beer, I'm loving it. We got a waitress in a dirndl serving us, me and Terps are competing to take pictures with her and stuff like that, it was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Afterwards we went out to this bar, and this is, it's so different when you go out in Germany, it feels as if we're especially in Berlin.


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[Assistant] And I feel like in the UK, our constant quest is to get as drunk as possible before they kick you out because they're shutting. That's true. Whereas in Germany, they're just like, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our queue was like 20 or 30 noble yogs fans, you know, and then it got bigger, but at that point that we took the picture, there was very few people queuing for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did these games, we played this game called Swordy, kinda like Gang Beasts controls, but you pick up weapons from around this arena and you have to smack each other in the face, that was fun. Then we played something, I think it was called Tiny Towers, which is sorta like Tetris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you, you stack up and there's like spells you can cast on your opponent. And there was one guy, none of us have played any of the games, but this one guy who eventually won it had played that game before. He was like, oh, I love this game. I played all the time. And I was like, eh, we lost. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, with this very sweet, uh, Russian girl. She was my, she was with me, and then he was with this, this, uh, I can't remember her name, another girl. So we were paired up, and we had to play against each other, and it was meant to be overcooked. But they couldn't get overcooked to work, so they said, let's just play Tiny Towers again. And I was like, what?!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goes to the grand final and they play this stupid game. You know the wavy arm, guys?


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[Assistant] Marcus says to me, uh, do they have those over here with the wavy arm guys? I was like, yeah, pretty, pretty sure I've seen them. And they have these two either side of the stage that waved like crazy. And it was like a fighting game where you're playing the wavy arm guys. And he won. And so he gets to go to fucking Twitchcom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a very smooth event, they didn't have any technical problems, no ticketing problems, it didn't feel like you had to queue for ages to do anything, the food area was nice outside, it was nice and spacious, they had a really nice partner lounge to hang out in, in that it was big, and there was seats, but it could have been a bit more, I think, it could have given us a bit more food, because it was quite hard to get food, the place isn't really near stuff,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like they had the food stands outside, but it wouldn't have minded a few more beers. Paul, fucking Paul Choi was on the beers straight away. Like we arrived midday and he was like, where's the beers? And he was just on it straight away. Um, but yeah, I think he drank all the free beer, but yeah, it was, it was okay. But again, if you were, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but they have amazing beer and sausages and pretzels. I thought I'd made this clear. Yeah, but it's not fluff.


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[Assistant] It did feel like a stag weekend in a way. It actually did. Well, that's not a bad thing. No, it's great. I'm just saying the convention itself. I'm not talking about my enjoyment of the weekend. I had a whale of a time. I'm just saying if I paid money to go there, I'd be thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, but again, it was their first go. What would you give it out of 10? My personal experience, 10 out of 10. I had a great time. I had a great time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I would probably say five or six. I think they would, they would want to see next, next year would need a little more improvement with stuff to do. Right. Um, but yeah, other than that, it was okay. Yeah, for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was, there was one of those fucking react videos. There was some streaming guy, had like 8,000 views, was like, hey guys, what's up? And he does, he just, it's just his camera and in the corner, he's reacting to like some fucking video and he's just eating popcorn and watching it and occasionally he goes, whoa. And he'd say, I'm like, that's not reacting.


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[Assistant] Well, I thought we could do the thing we used to do, which is tweet out, um, and then people could send us their favourite bits and we could talk about things that they, people, I don't know, like people have got stories. Basically, I looked at the Patreon today, this morning, just, just now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a guy called Josh Hanley who messaged and he said, Hey guys, just want to say thanks to you guys in a major way. About a year and a half ago my grandma was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I moved back in with my grandparents to help them out with driving to appointments, to and fro, etc. During that time, me and my grandma drove to a seemingly endless amount of DOTS appointments, tests and chemo sessions. This gave me a chance to become close with my grandma and also gave us a chance to listen to every episode of the Triforce podcast. Oh my god. And we both loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've carved out our niche. My grandma's favorite episode was the one with the portage serial killer. Since we are Canadian, she loved to laugh about the idea of a portage serial killer with her friends and family. She's since lost her fight with cancer. Anyway, thanks for providing me and my grandmother a lot of hours of laughs and entertainment. There you go.


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[Assistant] Well, you are, yeaah. We've slacked off dads and moms and kids and brothers. We've slacked off everyone. Come on, no one's safe. We've, we've, it surprises anyone listening at all at this point.


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[Assistant] I think that's the ultimate old person saying, I'm finding it harder and harder to X. It's like, you know, sustain an erection or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over the other. I mean, oh jeez, look, we are living in a blessed age and people, people are upset about everything and they like to complain. People, God love to, God we love to complain. Oh my God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's a, there's a great deal of denial as well, isn't there? And I think, I think sometimes those, I think saying something like that is so unbelievable. That kind of feeds into the like narrative of like, I can't be real. You know, people are very like, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shoot, yeaah. Trying to bring you down. I'll tell you what I saw today. I walked into the office and there's a seagull. In the office? Well, there's always like a seagull around the outside of the office. Yeaah. And he's always had like this uhm, this like, sort of bit of wire like wrapped around one of his legs. Oh man. And I was like, oh.


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[Assistant] In my head, I was like, okay, I don't think it's possible to hold that seagull down and get that bit of wire. No, it absolutely is not. They would peck you. No, I would get, he would- He would peck the fuck out of you. It would be a disaster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I hadn't seen- well, next time you're down, we'll fucking team up. We'll fucking get him.


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[Assistant] Well that is, that is the delusionary thing that people convince themselves in their own head that they're not doing anything bad. Oh my god. Everyone convinces themselves.


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[Assistant] You can justify anything if you have enough warped logic, you know, it's weird. Anyway, so I've seen this pigeon for like a year or whatever, and I hadn't seen it for a while, and I saw it this morning, and in good news,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've seen him eat anything. Anyway, they look great. They're all like, they look very, this seagull, by the way, so let's finish the story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all sorts of shit going on. I mean, the thing about like the world going, going like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are kind of getting angry about, there's a good thing about people getting angry about ecologies, but especially like, there seems to be a good environmentalist movement, right? That seems to be taking, taking a bit of steam and there's some really good initiatives going on. I've seen a lot of people cleaning up beaches and canals and things. Good for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's what, that's what sips, I mean, probably the best way to save the planet is to get humans off it as quickly as possible, right? So, you know.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of like stuff that you can do that he sort of thinks that could be done to sort of try and curve out this problem.


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[Assistant] Like, we are going to have some big problems with climate already. It's kind of a bit run away. Um, and, and sometimes some of the, some of the studies I read on the internet today, there's some, there was this study that was written by someone and people who read it was so depressed they had to have therapy after like, like, like reading it. It was like so bleak.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but there's always like a scale of science, like some of it is quite bleak, some of it is quite...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like quite negative, but mostly it's, there's no real positive science towards climate change, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's good, that's a good thing. It gets burned a bit more coal. No one's, no one's really saying that. But I think that one of the things he mentioned was uhm, trying to reduce the amount of, of like cows and stuff like this, right? Because they produce a lot of like methane and also there's like pretty good-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, have announced they're going to start running these, um, impossible burgers, which is the one I had in San Francisco. And that's like a, uh, a vegetable, like a corn burger like thing. And it's, it's.


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[Assistant] I couldn't really tell the difference. I thought it was pretty good. You know, it didn't have like the fatty lumps of gristle in, which is one of the big things I used to hate about meat burgers.


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[Assistant] You know, I, I felt like it was pretty like legit. Um, and apparently like it's done really, really well, like to the point where they're like, they can't satisfy the demand for it. You know, all it takes is like a kind of shift where massive corporate corporate business just switches out, you know, a huge segment of meat for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a very cynical attitude. Like nothing gets done if people say, oh, it's not doable. Like I think that we have to, we have to tax things that are bad. Like that's the thing you have to put like a tax on carbon, you know, things that cost that are very polluting should be more, more taxed, you know, just to, to discourage them and find, get people to find.


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[Assistant] But the thing is it's only a couple of people and that is part of our system where corporations are not necessarily evil, they're just faceless, they just make money for their shareholders like a robot. They are pretty evil.


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[Assistant] Like they, mostly they are evil, but there's only one or two really evil people running them. It's not a conspiracy of thousands of people, it's mostly just blind people. You know, evil triumphs when good people do nothing. Classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we need like an evil, evil like eco-terrorists back. Whatever happened to them? There was like movies and stuff where eco-terrorists were going and rescuing animals and monkeys out of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we were rescuing monkeys from labs. I mean, that was like pretty low level environmentalism, wasn't it, back in the day. You know, for every monkey they rescued from a lab, probably like a thousand more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched another thing about money this weekend. Uh, I listened to a podcast called The Dream. Right. It's about MLMs. Uhm, like basically pyramid schemes. What's an MLM? That are legal. So like these days, there are, you know how, okay, multi-level marketing. Mama likes money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, that's what it should stand for! Holy shit! So basically, like, the idea is that they are direct selling. So, for example, a mom who's staying at home, she can, like, get hold of her other moms to buy makeup off her or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything that is illegal because it's really addictive or it's really like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we put a limit on like stuff, but the things that are right on the borderline, okay, like that are really addictive and bad for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but, but, they make millions and millions of pounds of profit if they're just on that borderline, right? Like, I dunno, like Fortnite is basically loot box gambling in video games, right? Should be illegal, but it's right on the edge, okay? And therefore it's massively profitable. And it's the same thing with these MLMs, which are basically pyramid schemes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they've managed to like, just stay on the edge. The edge of legality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're lying in bed. You look into, you rub your hand across his bald head. And you look into his eyes. You stroke his beard gently. And he whispers to you, lover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotta be hard to ask for money and I'm sure it's, it's, it has to be done, but I think what these MLMs do is they kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well it's, MLMs aren't necessarily like that, they're more like these things nowadays, okay, the way they sort of work is they have products that are obviously really shit cheap knockoffs from China that they put a big markup on, right? Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and the down line, right? And so, but the definition of a pyramid scheme is that you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of bullshit and also pretty, pretty devastating for these people because the markup on these things is excessive. There's very small margins for the people who are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, oh, that's, that sucks. But if you, maybe I'll help you out. But if they, if they come to you and say, oh, you know, do you want to buy these things? It's kind of, to me, it's like, oh man, you must be desperate to have to come to, come to us and say, oh, you know, do we want to buy some makeup off you? And a lot of the time it's going to be like, fuck no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the way the pyramid works too is that you get your friends, you teach your friends how to sell to their friends, you know, it's all about teaching to sell all the way down that chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it basically just ends up with you kind of ruining your friendships with friends and family kind of thing and going...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the hole because you buy all of this product that then you can't sell back for all these various reasons. Okay. So, so they're trying to like, oh, it's all like some of the people who originally like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she, she was like, the DeVos family got their fortune from Amway, from running these pyramid schemes. Like, like, I mean, I'm not sure you're allowed to call them pyramid schemes because pyramid schemes are illegal, but they are so close to being pyramid schemes that, that like, they are just, all they do is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pause negativity, right? There's very few companies, like, that you bankrupt the staff, right? Do you know what I mean? Like Burger King, let's just use that as another shop, because I'm still thinking about going and having a ve-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A veggie burger. Like, I haven't wanted to go to Burger King for years. Like, absolutely, like, there's no reason I would ever want to go in a Burger King. Do you know what I mean? It's just so unappealing to me, even when I did eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now I'm thinking damn, if they've got like nice vegan coconut and soy burger, fucking great, bring it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll do it, but yeaah. The employees of Bird King, none of them are told to come to work and then they work all day and work hard and they get like 2p at the end of it or whatever and they're like what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How come I only got 2p and they're like, well, we didn't say how much you'd make or anything like that. You know, you obviously didn't work hard enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they're always told it's their fault in these MLMs if they can't make any money out of it, but the reality is that only the 0.2% at the top actually make even a living wage. Even when you've got like 3000 people in your downline, you're still barely making a salary. It's so skewed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it's because people don't think there's a problem with it, and I think people are very, very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so bored, why not? Sorry Sips, we bored you I think with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love my parents, I like seeing them for about two days, every six months, and any longer than that that I'm in proximity with them, I just want to strangle them both. And they're moving down actually to Bristol. It might not be so bad actually. My mum's sort of making interludes, oh I can pop down whenever you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they kind of a little bit or like a little bit, I dunno, like judge you a little bit to kind of, do they, do they sort of give you advice that you don't need or are they kind of just trying to help out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yesterday, like, uhm, we had, I had the Cancer Research UK people came down. Oh yeaah. Nice. And uhm, there's like some three guys who were really like, really nice and really sort of, they brought us the little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They done like a fan art of the Yoast cast, like someone in their office said like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like super, they were super nice, super polite people and obviously they work for a charity and they, obviously it's a good charity. And I was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, when I'm on streams and stuff, I'm not on super best behaviour. You know, I'm kind of on super best behaviour with strangers. Do you know what I mean? Like, or with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's a comfortable circle. I think if I met, uh, Josh Hanley's grandma, you know, I would just be very on my best behavior, but I think she'd be able to tell because I think she'd listened to all the podcasts and she knew that I was a bit of an asshole. I was kind of able to like make more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there you go, that's our podcast, uh, next week will be our 100th podcast, so I thought you guys could tweet us, tweet at meandsips and period. Yeah, thanks. Uh, you're currently still tweeting us your, uh, pictures of where you're listening to your podcast. I love those still, they're awesome. Which is amazing, by the way, keep those coming. They're really good, yeah. I love seeing, like, just random people's workplaces or views out the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. Please just keep sending those because that is really nice to see in my feed every day. Like a couple of people's pictures. And so please do send those. Send in your favourite moments and we'll go through and read some messages. Uh, as always, you can support us on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, no that sounds amazing. Alright, well we'll see you next week everyone. Thanks for listening. Goodbye friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like Russell Brand's podcasts actually. I haven't, I think he stopped though. I think he stopped for a while. He has like, he goes on and off. Right. He has, he's become like, um, he had a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have heard this podcast before. We talk a lot of shit, and we are incredibly hypocritical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is an incredibly, that is an incredibly powerful


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The world of Christ is fantastic, and you will all be going to hell! But usually, actually, these guys are more actually genuinely concerned about us, that they genuinely think I am going to hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I walk past a guy in the street, he thinks I'm going to hell. And he doesn't want me to go to hell, actually, because most people are nice. I'd like to think that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, like, for me, uh, okay, I think I figured it out, guys. So, you know, those-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nigerian like phone scams or, or, um, or email scams. Yes, I'm very familiar with them, yes. With the Prince, right? Yeah. And who says, oh yes, there is like 13 million dollars in escrow and all this shit and we have to, whatever. All that shit. Those things are so shittily done that only the dumbest people fall for them. Okay. That's the same with Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so badly done and everyone knows that they're coming round, doing this thing, everyone knows it's bollocks except for that very small percentage of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what? This is extremely difficult to calculate, right? The positive impacts of religion are manyfold. They're generally very positive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, very nice people. I worked for the church for a couple of years. I worked, uh, in an office doing admin for the Church of England at Chelmsford Cathedral, right? And, uhm, I did it when I came out from university. I was very depressed. And, uhm, I'm pretty upset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And well, no, but I was, I was just tamping at the time. I worked in, um, Broomfield Hospital for a bit doing like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're all incredibly awesome people who are very, almost...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just, just, they want to make good, and they're very generous with their time, they're always volunteering for positive things in the community, they're a good group of friends, they're very supportive, they raise money for so many good causes, they keep these old buildings


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very nice, right? And to weigh that up against all the negative stuff that you hear about religion from, you know, pedophile priests to, you know, sort of horrible fucking genital mutilation going on in Africa and all sorts of awful stuff. Like it's very hard to like think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Oh man. It's, it's, it's a tough one, right? Anyway, let's, uh, let's move on. Um, I had, I had a thing that I read on Reddit today, and I think this comes from being a hypocrite already because I can't write, but I was reading, um, writing prompts, okay? And there was a writing prompt that was on... Give me a writing prompt, Luke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, good. Death, this was posted 21 hours ago, but obviously it's a week ago. Death has hourglasses for every person. One day during cleaning, he finds a dust covered one that had rolled under his desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I was, uh, relaxing in the evening, reading Reddit. This was on, this writing problem was on the front page. I thought that sounds really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just, I'm just thinking, cause I don't really read writing prompts and maybe it's a place where people were learning to write, okay? Maybe English isn't their first language and I'm going to take that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if you're writing something on writing prompts, you should at least give it a little bit of a proof. Now obviously we live in the days of spell checking. Okay, so it's very hard to make spelling mistakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is very easy to make grammar mistakes, right? And you think that maybe if you're gonna post a thing, which isn't very long,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like three paragraphs you might spell like grammar check, the first sentence. The first sentence of the most upvoted comment on this thread, which has 14,000 upvotes, is this. Do you want to hear it? The actor stood, answered the knock at his trailer door. When he saw who it was that knocked, he said, I wondered when you would show up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Want to come in? Death nodded his skeletal head and said, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The two took seats, the actor in his chair, and the skeleton on a long couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I mean, first of all, obviously there was some grammatical, there was a grammar error in the very first sentence. Okay, it's poorly written, and it carries on with that level of poorly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that wouldn't have, that would have gone through spell check, right? Yeaah. Okay, let me get the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Grim Reaper tracked down the rightful owner. Or maybe the rightful property of the hourglass. What? He took a moment to consider whether the human owns the hourglass or the hourglass owns them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After all, can something that controls fate really be called your property? Oh, give me a break. It's exactly P-Flex. These are the best ones! I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Opening the door to his house. This isn't- This isn't an actual story. Oh! Peter Death! Said Thomas Mann. It is you!


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[Assistant] I mean, that's part of bodega though, that's self-aware, like, maybe these guys aren't expecting it, but the amount of cock sucking that goes on in the comments on these threads as well, it's like, oh, this is the most best thing I've ever read, I burst into tears! I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess maybe it's because I've been a little bit disappointed with actual books lately as well though. I finished, um, Brandon Sanson's Oathbringer and I found it, I found it a little bit of a struggle to get through at points and I've just started reading, um, some other stuff and I'm struggling to get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I've actually got one of these right open in front of me now, and the options to apply to this fucking email are awesome, thanks for the info, sounds good to me, or that would be great, thank you, they're all so positive, and do you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weirdly, actually, since this has been put in, I have been clicking them more. I have actually been using these fucking Gmail things, and it has made me more nice than I would normally, because normally I'd be like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think everyone, war is glamourised to get people to sign up for it and the people in the know end up dodging the draft like Trump did, you know, with saying he had bone spurs in his foot or whatever or you know, the rich people end up getting out, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think like every war's different as well in horrible ways, you know, no one knows why, no one necessarily knows which, you know, Vietnam was different to Korea was different to World War II in different ways. Korea is the forgotten war, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a very strange stalemate because China didn't want, you know, a sort of a U.S. backed country on their border, but they also didn't really want, you know, North Korea to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I mean, in a way, like, probably a good, I mean, look at, if we, if we, if, if we, I say we, as in like, I suppose we did, did actually fight in the Korean War to some extent, but if, eh, you know, look at how, look at the, look at the world we have today with North Korea and South Korea. Obviously, on one hand, we have an incredibly dangerous, you know, crazy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's mental there. It's just like the hermit kingdom. Everyone knows. And then South Korea, look how amazingly successful it's been, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an amazing success, really, and it's, so, so, what, what is it good for? And my god, the barbecue, the barbecue, Korean


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay now. Alright. Well that is the Trifulse Podcast today guys. Thank you for listening. We'll see you all next week. We love you all dearly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they thaw us out about five minutes before the show every week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then we, and then we deliver our podcast, whatever number it is for like an hour or so. And the whole time we're trying to figure out ways to like, you know, go out and see what's going on outside and stuff before the man comes back and freezes us like the rest of the week. And that's our.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's our trouble. That's, that's our strife. That's our, that's what we do. That's every week. It's like a living hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're like forced to do a podcast and then you're forced to stream for a couple hours.