[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was growing up, we were, we were fucking poor, like me and my mom and my sister. We were broke as shit. It was, you know, you never had money for anything. Like your friends would be saying, we're gonna go to the cinema, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do that. And you'd be like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I can't make it because you're broke. Like you're literally broke. Like I, I started getting jobs as soon as I could. And that money was just so I could keep up in terms of going out or, you know, not looking like a complete scrub, but. I'm buying shit as well. Like if you wanted anything. Yeah. You've got to buy it. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it was very, it was very tough. So the idea that money can't buy you happiness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like money. Like money, money, alright, if you're a miserable bastard, and nothing makes you happy, then yeah, money ain't gonna make you happy. I think if you were born with money,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you know, what is it, uh, was it Kierkegaard or someone said, uh, life without pain has no meaning, right? That, that's like the, the famous old, uh, philosophical saying. So, yeah, if you don't understand where you, how good where you are is because you've been, you've never been anywhere else. Like if you've only ever been rich, you won't really appreciate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just how good it is. I think all the rich have is a terror of being poor because it's like unknown to them. They just know it looks awful. So they don't want to go there. That's why the rich are so terrified of becoming poor. But anyone who's been poor, if you give them money, they're like, this is fucking awesome. Like this is great. I don't have to worry anymore. The stress of being broke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think for a lot of these people, when they get a taste of money and fame, the idea of going back and having to work for an insurance company or, or something boring and, you know, like a receptionist or something, just thinking, god damn, for a while there, people would recognize me and now I'll still get people saying, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking at the list of, by the way it was Schopenhauer not Kierkegaard who said Life Without Pain. I'm looking at the list of celebrities from Celebrity Big Brother this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so yeaah, this is, yet again, we run back to how, how famous it is. There has to be another list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing is that when you compare, when we're talking about A-list and B-list and Z-list and all that, like, it doesn't go C-list, D-list because that's too convi- there's A-list, there's like superstars, right? There's superstars like Justin Bieber, someone that everybody- Michael Jackson, you know, that kind of level that's like god tier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then your B list is like maybe the ones just below that. Like I would, I would say someone who'd maybe- Tom Sizemore. Tom Sizemore I would say would, would be slightly below that now because he, he fell out, right? I mean he was, he was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'd be like, oh yeah, top size. It's a good solid name on its own. It's a good name. Then you've got, so here's the next guy on Celebrity Big Brother. Austin Armacost, okay, which is a ridiculous name, but his whole thing is he was on a TV show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They put themselves forward as celebrities, like some people pursue it and some don't, right? Some of them are going to try and turn it into something and some won't. Like, you know, those people who are like a socialite. In other words, they go to the right bars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm feeling a prophecy! Right, stop! I wanna say something, alright? We're not defending this culture, alright? We're not saying that she deserves to be famous or anything like that, but she has 135,000 followers on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they could name the most famous jockey that's currently running. He could be the best jockey in the world. I'd say I have no fucking idea who that is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're like, I like being a celebrity, I haven't actually got a talent, I can't sing, I can't act.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're, we're asking the same questions that people are asking us, like, who's PewDiePie? We're saying, who the fuck is our Austin Armacost? We sound just as clueless about their world as they might about ours. So it's just a lack of information. We don't know. I mean, Brandon Block is a name that I recognize. You're right. Do you know what you're right? Austin Armacost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet if you asked people who followed this shit that they'd say, yeah, I know who that is. Yeah, probably. I bet they'd know who Chloe Ferry is. I don't know who the fuck Chloe Ferry is. She's from Geordie Shore. That's a really popular show with some people. Chloe off Geordie Shore, oh yeah, she's massive. Colleen Nolan, now I know who the Nolan sisters are, she's on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. No idea who the fuck that is. No idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, but she, I don't fucking know, but, but I don't hate her. I've never met her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was in Game of Thrones. He was the commander of the Night's Watch, right? He was the guy when Jon Snow and all that first get there. He was the big bluff guy. He was in Braveheart. He was the big Scottish guy's dad. He got his arm cut off by the British.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see him in Waitrose in Twickenham quite often. He's a really nice guy. And I said to him one time, Oh, I said, Oh, I'm a big fan of your work. I said, I really liked the stuff you do in Game of Thrones. He said, Oh, thank you ever so much. That's very kind. He's like, he's a big guy. Really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a hundred fucking percent him, dude. I guarantee you. And I, you know, he, he was on it. I mean, that's a guy that's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a person for ya, Jedward. Jedward, right? Everybody knows Jedward, right? Everybody knows Jedward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they, they, they live, they eat, sleep, breathe, drink, and, and, and shit, Jedward. That's it. They stay in character a lot, yeah. Uh, so here's one, Jessica Cunningham, she's a businesswoman, actress, model, and television personality, best known


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's an American singer, songwriter, television personality, which is such a loose bracket to put around someone. But Kim Woodburn, from How Clean Is Your House, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think those cleaning shows, the big draw for those is not people who don't clean, but people who love cleaning and are obsessed with it. Cause I know like several friends of Mrs. F's who are obsessed with having like clean, tidy house and everything. They're like, oh I couldn't sleep cause I knew I hadn't cleaned the oven. That kind of person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They watch that show and to them that's like their Blair Witch project, you know what I mean? That's like their big horror thing that like really, really was like, wow, this is, this is something else. Like that, this was their big


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rollercoaster ride was watching a show where someone doesn't clean their house and being on the edge of their seat about what is going to be behind the cooker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, right, a lot of, a lot of people, a lot of, the gay community, especially in America, it seems to me, uhm, they, they still big into, to drag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Caitlyn Jenner and stuff like that, back in the day, that would have been scandalous, absolutely scandalous. Whereas now it's just sort of like, oh wow, like it was a story, but it wasn't like people were up in arms about it. It was just kind of one of those things. But so RuPaul was kind of a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A black guy, a big black guy, transvestite, like that was like woah shit, everybody knows who RuPaul is. It was like, it was like a big thing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was like, he was like, uh, famous for being uhm, like Lily Savage, you know? They were sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Funny and also, uh, cross-dressing, I suppose you could say, but it was just, like you said, I think nowadays it's not seen as such a big deal, and people have realized, well if that isn't a big deal, you know what would really make me happy is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This lifestyle or that lifestyle, and it's just that the whole thing is expanding. Because some people get really offended by the idea of that happening, like other people finding happiness. Like that really upsets people because it doesn't fit with their idea of what society should be like. So rather than just say, do you know what? Go nuts. You wanna do anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Lewis was saying about how, alright, money's not gonna give you instant happiness, but it's gonna show you the way, and it's gonna open some doors for you that would have been shut otherwise. But I think it's interesting you're talking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we were happy and everything like that, and uh, you know, we had enough. And I think the reason a lot of these people involved, just to bring it back to the whole celebrity thing, I think one of the reasons that maybe they seem like such a miserable


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, swinging, grabbing bunch and they always blow up and go nuts. That's all we're gonna do is because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're in their thirties and they've had a lifetime to deal with being famous. I mean, Britney Spears has been famous when she was a kid. So there's no wonder she's shaving her head and going nuts because life has no meaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I would like to do? I would like, I would like to make enough money somehow that we could pay off the mortgage and Mrs. F could take a job that she really wants to do that isn't so stressful and doesn't require so many hours. That would be great. If she could just chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and that's very, very doable. She's working super hard. Yeah, it's attainable. It's attainable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the moment she's working like so many hours and so hard. I've hardly seen it for the last like 18 months she's working so hard. And it's, I just feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids are at this age where they're really interesting right now and they're really sweet and everything. And I would love it if she didn't have to work such long days and every, like evenings and weekends and stuff. So it's like always working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making robot cars and you fire your entire workforce cause you can get robot workers to build the robot cars, which will happen. The fact is, who the fuck is, right, but who the fuck is going to buy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody's gonna have to pay, and I think what's gonna happen is, those companies will no longer, think of the amount of money companies will be able to make when they don't have to pay anybody anything. No sick days, no holiday, 24 hour work force. All you have to do is keep them running. They don't even need food for God's sake. There's no working conditions for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perfect employee. Company should be making a lot of money, so if they don't pay...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The concern is that people would do, but think about this. You'll know, like this is another thing they'll need to think about if it comes to debt and consumer and a consumer lifestyle when everyone's on a fixed income.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Based on the idea that you're working now and that's going to continue for a decent amount of time. And then you take out employment insurance and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your monthly UBI. But the thing is, they're saying they're going to give it to everybody. Everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think that works, but, you know, what's the point in giving someone who's already rich a little bit more money? I mean, they're like, no, no, that's the only way it works, but I'd need to know why that's the case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just happy. Like I've always loved writing short stories and stuff and most of them, nobody ever reads them. So there's no way to know if they're any good. I just sort of wrote them for myself and stuff like that. So I just, like I've written loads and loads of short stories over the years and things and none of them have ever really been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just nice that people enjoy it. That's it. It's just really nice. It makes me happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Bodega, which is 13. I might have pronounced that wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spiralling down through the dense bluish clouds of scar-pon-too Bodega cloaked the Gretham and brought it down on silent running on an outcropping of rock. He sidled down the ramp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To anyone watching, it was as if he just appeared in the thin air, tapping the control panel at the foot of the ramp and sealing the shuttle. Only he could access it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scarpawn 2. A planet with an environment so rich and lush, its flora and fauna had more variety than a Spelupian cabaret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Biologists who spent their entire lives studying every facet of this world and its habitat still barely scratched the surface. It was 80% land and all of that land was habitable, covered in dense foliage and towering jungle-covered mountains. Vast lakes and rivers, all of it infested with every kind of life imaginable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then some rich bastard bought it and sealed it off from the universe. Nobody got in or out unless Scarpawn Inc. had said so. Luckily, Bodega had access to the best hacker around, so they'd been able to forge a visitation pass. Of course, those sons of glubs at Scarpawn Inc. would soon find out, so Bodega had to act quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somewhere in this heady miasma of life was a man. A rich brat named Reed Chorley III. He was the sole heir to the Chorley soft drinks empire, which he'd inherited five years ago. He had so much moolah, his net worth was just recorded as God++.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five years ago was the last time Bodega had ever seen Reed, and the last time anyone had really heard from him. But a little online dig in by Nebbish had turned up Scarpawn 2 as his most likely hiding place. Bodega shouldered his survival pack and rested a hand on his lasgun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trouble with a world teeming with life is, most of it ain't gonna be friendly. It was quite literally a jungle out there. Millions of square miles of hot, hostile, deadly terrain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega smiled. Sounds like fun, he thought. In his earpiece, the voice of the soft-spoken nebbish. There are so many life forms, there's no way we can locate Chorley with any certainty. But what we do have is that reading on a fire about two k's from your position. Signature says fossil fuel. That's likely not a Morkbeast cooking dinner, he said. Gotcha, said Bodega, making his way downhill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every step he took caused dozens of tiny insects and rodents and birds to scatter and reconceal themselves. Eerie cries and sharp calls filled the air of the jungle below. The bag-like bodies of huge long-legged creatures grazing the upper canopy were visible from time to time, as were the many species of primate leaping between the passive behemoths.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From up here Bodega could see tens of thousands of birds flocking and fighting, wheeling and diving, as well as huge swarms of strange insects devouring a tree before moving on to the next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This reverie was shattered by the scrotum-tightening bellow of a Mork Beast, a creature so terrifying and savage, only a handful of people have survived meeting one, and none existed in captivity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somewhere down there was the most dangerous animal on Scarpawn 2. Maybe the galaxy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well now he's got company, said Bodega, setting his lasgun to maximum and gritting his teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After silently approaching the location of the campfire, Bodega sat awhile in the bow of a swifty tree a few hundred meters away. His camo cloak and scent masking field should render him pretty well concealed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ogling the sight through his trinoculars, he could make out four figures through a break in the jungle. Humanoids. Naked. Armed with some pretty nifty looking bows and spears, as well as some pretty evil looking long knives. Their skin was midnight blues, save for a yellow stripe that crossed their eyes. A tribe on Skarpon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega was pretty sure there were no indigenous intelligent life forms on this world. So who the flav were these fellers? Survivors of a crash landing? Maybe they knew where Chuli was at. He watched them for another hour, but they seemed to be meditating. Bodega fidgeted. He sighed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was very, very wrong. No sooner had that delicious relaxing and harmless water vapor left his mouth than they were upon him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flav, these fellers were fast. They poked up at him with their spears and cackled insanely, baring their teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, there ain't no need for spear pokin', said Bodega, deactivating the camo cloak and jumping down to meet them. They spread out, grinning and pointing at their stomachs. Okay, then I got a question for you fellers, said Bodega, drawing his last gun. The four humanoids looked horrified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on now, old chap, that's hardly sporting, is it? said one of them. Bodega's eyes widened. Who in the name of holy space Christ are you, boys? he blurted. We might ask you the same thing, said one of them. All four stood up straight, and all four looked extremely disappointed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a minute. Is this what you meant when you said you had to discover yourself? You bought Scarpawn too and decided to live here with your boyfriends? They're not my boyfriends, they're my tribesmen said Reed pouting. Sell it to me said Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back at the campfire, Reed explained it all to Bodega. He'd grown weary of the life of an immortal with more money than God. There was no challenge, no danger in anything he did. His life was so perfect it had lost all meaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you boys die, you'll just activate some clone somewhere and you'll be back in town for lunch, said Bodega, grinning. Not here. We're cut off. Too far from our clone relays. If we die here, we stay dead. That's what makes it so invigorating, said Reed. Uh-huh, said Bodega, drawing his lasgun and blasting Chooley and his friends in one sweeping motion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry for breaking it too, you kinda harshly said Bodega, sitting down. Was all a lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's why Bodega said now he's got company, cause he's also like, counting himself in there, but yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw it on a movie one time, I think, uh, looked, uh, looked kinda cool, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My Valentine's Day was a disaster. I, uh, forgot that it was Valentine's Day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She turns to me and she says, I've left your Valentine's Day card in the bedside table. So make sure you open that. And I said, and I said, I forgot and I haven't got you anything and I love you and I'll see you soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She gets in the cab and gives him this sad little wave. So just as she's leaving for a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we meet at the pub and I said, go, I'm starving, let's get something to eat. And as we're going to the restaurant, I said to him, shit, it's fucking Valentine's Day, dude, I just remembered. He's like, oh, you're thinking we won't get a table. I was like, no, I'm thinking we're gonna, they're gonna think we're a gay couple. Like going into the restaurant, having a romantic meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, oh my goodness, they think we're a gay couple. And I said to him, we have to order the manliest shit on the menu, and like, not gaze into each other's eyes, even for a second. No matter how much we want to gaze into each other's eyes, we can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a great game to just casually, cause you can just pause it and go and do other shit if you need to, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean you can just, here's the thing, it doesn't actually take much to prevent a naval invasion early on, cause they don't have, I mean their landing craft is shit, they don't have marines, and like one pitiful unit of infantry will completely fuck their landing, and it'll at the very least hold them up long enough, so what I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is why sometimes I think like, if you had two guys in a relationship, I mean two gay guys obviously, I'm gonna assume that all the guys I know, including myself, they wanna have sex with their partner pretty much all the time. So surely if you have two gay guys in a relationship, they're both gonna wanna have sex all the fucking time. That must be awesome. You could just wake your pal up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My life experience, our life experience is too broad and deep, uh, for this to be anything other than a hundred percent correct and the truth provably. So anybody, anybody that has a problem with that is clearly mistaken and should have a good long hard look at themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like the E is the wrong way around and I tried to put an apostrophe and it just looked like a squiggle and- It's like childish-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been watching Parks and Recreation, have you ever seen that show? Yeah, yeah, of course I have, yeah. I think you're a bit like Chris Traeger in Parks and Recreation. Is that Chevy Chase? No, that's Community Dude. Whoops. It's Rob Lowe, he's like a very positive,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what I did yesterday. I don't want to talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in a group I'd say, like uhm, I mean we've been friends for like 30 years or something, well longer than that really, so we're very old friends and he is my best friend, so in that regard certainly he's someone that I'd talk to, but we're not as open as


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it's still fairly guarded at times. Um, whereas I know that Mrs. F has had conversations with friends of hers where the details that they come out with are so specific. Um, like here's the funny thing. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they went out and they were having a very, very frank discussion about all of their sex lives. And women do this a lot more than men do. Men don't talk frankly about their sex lives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reality, and they were being very frank about the reality. So this one girl that was there was talking about her husband wants to have sex with her all the time. She's a very attractive girl, but she just can't be bothered. So she's just decided that she's going to get extremely good at giving blowjobs because if she gives him a blowjob, he's happy and it's much easier for her. So she just does that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's it, yeah. She just, she just wants, she's tired, you know, she just wants to, to keep him happy, and, and that's that. I just thought that was a, a funny solution. But you, I mean the fact that she just told the group this, she was just happily telling the group, and they were all talking about, you know, what their men prefer, and all this kind of stuff, and I'm thinking, damn, that's a, that is a raw conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, here's the thing is that we're talking about, I'm talking about a room full of married women. Okay. And I guarantee you most of the people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, here's what you gotta do. Anytime you come across a conspiracy theory, someone out there will have done a site where they debunk everything with simple physics and pictures and news reports and actual sources.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll, they'll show a very grainy mobile camera, piece of mobile camera footage, and they'll be like, see? What's that, huh? Yeah! It's like, it's not proof of anything. It's just, this is what conspiracy theories are founded on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that nowadays everybody's filming everything all the time and film is a terrible way. If you've got one angle, distant, grainy, it's kind of hard to see. It's like, like there are some people who say that they weren't aeroplanes and they're like, look, you see in this shot, you can't see any windows on the plane. That means it's a missile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like no, it's just a bad picture. Like there are plenty of other pictures where you can see a big fucking plane. Like why aren't you talking about those? And they'll pick an angle that suits their story. They'll ignore the ones that don't because they're not actually looking at it evidence-based. Any, any of these things, all they're looking at is which of these images fit this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, dude, it's like two hours long. And it's, it's just, it's ridiculous. And honestly, all of it is debunkable. Now, I know lots of people who have surprised me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the claims that actually, well actually there might be something to it and all this kind of stuff. Which is kind of ridiculous and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing that someone said, taken out of context, becomes a whole reason that it's a conspiracy, like that whole bullet thing. All this, all this stuff, it goes on and on and on, and it's all people going around and around. It's like we were talking about internet communities that pop up. There are a lot of people out there who are perfectly content believing that a conspiracy of this scale


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just happened. No details have ever come out. You can't do anything nowadays without it leaking, without there being a paper trail, without there being evidence. It's ridiculous that it could happen at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this goes, like, this goes to the flat earth conspiracy as well, that I looked into it, like, very deeply. I've watched a ton of videos, read a ton of articles about the flat earth stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, they're obviously wrong. Like none of the stuff that they claim can be proven, it's just they've found ways to explain things that have already been proven. Uh, the earth going around the sun. They say that the sun is much smaller and closer to the earth and just goes around it like a spotlight, right, shining down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't prove that. It's impossible to prove. We can prove that the Earth goes around the Sun. We can prove it all. It's all provable. You can do it yourself. Like the ancient Greeks proved the Earth was round with a couple of sticks. You know, it's not that difficult to prove this stuff, but they don't look for proof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I realized as I went deeper and deeper into it was the reason they're not looking for proof is because most of those flat earthers are just deeply, deeply religious and they're perfectly happy with the fact that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says in scripture that the earth is a disc set upon four pillars, so therefore that's it. And that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not looking for proof. And I think the 9, the 9-11 guys, they're not really looking for proof. They've already made up their minds that there is a government conspiracy. So their belief is that the government is out to get them. And once you've got that in your mind, it doesn't matter about proof or what you say or evidence or anything. You just have to believe that. So I think it's the same kind of deal. If you want to go down that road sips,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna need to empty your mind of logical thought and just believe it. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I've got a solution for you, okay? Alright, so I've got, I have two girls, they both have long hair, it's even worse when they get head lice, because you've gotta brush that shit through their hair, and their hair is like 10 feet long, right, so I'm just brushing forever and ever. Oh god. So, I bought all the solutions and I did all that shit, the best thing is to use loads of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spirals on each of the prongs of the comb. It's like very, very, very fine spirals. And you brush through their hair entirely, one by one, like every single...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. But you don't need any of that lotion. That does fuck all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I tie my kid's hair up. And like if it's, just send him in with a fucking cap or something. Like I said to my girls, don't touch the other kids at school, they'll give you lice. Like I scared them off the other kids. Don't go near the other kids. If they say, if they say, hey, let's all have a big hug. I'm like, you tell them, get the fuck away from me. I don't want bugs in my hair. Get away from me. So that's what, uh, that's what I've coached them on. That's how you do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else have we done this week? I went through a phase of watching, uhm, cause they don't make these as much anymore, although apparently there is a documentary coming out or something about it, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, nuclear stuff. Nuclear war stuff. So there was, in the 60s and the 70s, there were a lot more films about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The deal is that, uh, when there's an alert, more often, you know, the, the alert is basically like they picked up something somewhere. So those bombers take off and start heading to their failsafe point. And it's basically a sort of limit around the US. And before they get to that point, you send a signal to them saying, turn back, otherwise they crack open their orders and they assume that the war is on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the reason you have this is so that if an initial strike knocks everyone out and there's no one to tell them to go, rather than have to tell them to go, you have to tell them to stop. That's the only way to prevent...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one bomber is gonna go and nuke Moscow, that's their orders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, it's really clever because Walter Matau plays this warmonger who's like, he's like this intelligence operative, like this tactics guy, he's like, we should actually commit now to a full attack, it's the only way. And everyone's saying you're crazy and everything, and Henry Fonda's trying to talk the Russians down, and it's, it's a really good, tense Cold War thriller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, there's like a compilation of like, people returning home from being away for a long time. Like this guy was, you know, in prison for 15 years and he sees his kids for the first time or some- Oh yeaah, really makes me tear up. Woah, I'm tearing up. Get those fucking tear ducts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think, I don't, I don't mind it. I quite like it. It's cathartic crying sometimes. It's, uh, I find it relaxing. It resets me, it resets me in a way. It doesn't get me bummed out if I'm what, I mean if it's something super sad and I'm crying about that, but if it's something, like you said, it's something almost artificial where I'm generating these emotions using a prop like a movie or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A sad clip or a sad story. Like when I read The Road, which is a really depressing book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hasn't seen his dog in two years, and him and the dog are going nuts and crying, and I cry, I just feel like this is good. Like I'm just relaxing here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I find a lot of those life lessons that, that you know are true. Like, life goes very fast, make the most of it, make the most of every day and all this kind of stuff. I'm in the back of my mind, I know all that shit's true, but I also think, shit man, I really want to try playing Russia in Hearts of Iron IV instead. So, I've got a plan. You know, we're gonna go, we're gonna go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm actually abandoned, uh, because I, I couldn't, I was worried about mispronouncing it and this dude was, well this lady was super annoyed with the fact that as I stated very confidently each time, I do not speak Spanish and I'm just giving it a bloody good go. So I'm not going to learn how to pronounce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so this is part quints. Alright, that's fifteen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A small monochrome vidscreen flooded the darkness of the Disco Volante's lounge area with bouncing blue light, highlighting the different strata of the vast vape cloud settling in the breezeless space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega was slumped on a sofa. He'd slid halfway down. His legs kicked out way in front of him. His back was beginning to ache from spending so long in this dumb position, but he was too drunk to move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On screen, a yellow jumpsuit wearing moron was grinding his entire body up against a giant pair of foam buttocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Behind the moron were more morons grinding up against their own pairs of foam buttocks. They gyrated and grinded and daggered to the terrible synthy music while this grade A varmint hopped up about front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bodega always watched Tam Blatchman's Blatch Hour. He could not explain why he needed to see it week in, week out, but he did. He needed to see Blatchman, and he knew there would be references to Majesta and their relationship constantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just checking your pulse, said Varu as Bodega relaxed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ain't gone just yet, pard, groaned bodega. Shuffling into a sitting position. Fix me some scoffee, would ya?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do have robot scuffy machines, but I am not one, said Varu, standing and striding to the bridge of the Disco Volante. Well, look, do you think? Bodega began, but he was cut off by a shrill, repetitive pinging sound coming from the bridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're cloaked, Neb. Ain't no way anyone can. And yet again, Bodega was interrupted in mid-sentence as the ship suddenly rolled to the left and the artificial gravity cut out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get to your battle station, shouted Bodega, flipping a sofa over and taking cover behind it. The cut piece of hole crashed to the deck, and loud classical music began playing. A small red carpet rolled out from the hole in the hole, and an even smaller robot rolled down it, dropping rose petals behind it as it went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Presenting Tan Blatchman! Shouted the tannoy. And there on the disco volante was Tan Blatchman prancing down the red carpet, waving to an invisible crowd, flexing his muscles and wearing the gawk damn idiotic yellow jumpsuit and worst of all, that cape of his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They took her, said Tan meekly. Who took Majesta? shouted Bodega. Why are you shouting? I can hear you're fine. She was taken, I think, by some baddies, you know, pirates or something, said Tan, casting his eyes around the trashed interior of the ship. Bodega stood slowly, still standing behind the overturned couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did, why did you attack us? asked Nebesh. His hair matted against his face and his glasses cracked. It's just more, you know, dramatic and so on, said Tan casually. I have my audience to think about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What audience? Ah, Spodega, ehm, gesturing around. Is this fun? said Tan, pointing at the tiny camera droid hovering at his shoulder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you broadcasting right now, said Bodega? Yeah, of course, this is gold, you booby, shouted Tan. Bodega's blood ran cold. Not only had his galaxy-sized anus found them, he'd also given away their position to anyone with a darn TV. And he lost Majesta. And he's messed up the ship in a big way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tan, said Bodega, trying to remain calm, walking slowly towards the absolute moron, posing and pouting in the middle of his ship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tan, Bodega kept repeating. Bodega was normally a very visibly angry man on occasions such as these, but Blatchman had actually pushed him into an emotional state so extreme, so powerful,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need some tension. I've been thinking, too many of the characters are friends of- of Bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll see. We'll see how the public responds to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was excellent. Too many of the recent episodes have been like, high concept. I just wanted one where dumb shit happened. Yeaah. And this was a very dumb episode. Like a bridging episode. You need some of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you implying that was just a bridging episode? That was the best one!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel like the term bridging episode makes out that he's just like, you know that you get those episodes in like a long running drama where nothing really happens, they just move from point A to point B and it's just like, you could forget that episode in a heartbeat. Like there's no standout moments or anything like that. The Empire Strikes Back was not that, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was just like one of those moments where I looked over and I saw my friend looking over, like not the guy that told us the story, we just sort of looked at each other and then it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've had some disturbing communications back from our Mars colony outpost. It sounds like just a lot of buzzing. We're not quite sure what's happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, I found a little, um, script of this fridge scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To you it's just a worn out fridge. Shot widers to reveal more of the garden and a little girl standing looking at a fridge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I'm sorry. This is a danger. This is what happens. The thing is like, I mean, we do still have these public information films nowadays, but I've been looking on this thing and I found that there's a bunch of really bad ones. Like for example, there was a film made in 1973, which was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you mix cross ply and radial tyres on the same axle, or use cross ply on the rear when you've got it on, got radials on the front, you might not live to regret it. So that's a PSA about the danger of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then again, it's probably more actually a reaction to a contemporary issue or panic in the news. You know, it's like clowns right now, okay? Clowns are like a big...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you were called Hitler, right, if you were called Stephen Hitler, you would have renamed yourself by now, or you're asking for trouble. Okay? Just don't be a clown!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Set in 1937, so before the war broke out. Jesus. Fuck me. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that ran for a long time and that was very kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then again, like the same thing with Charlie Chaplin during World War II doing his The Great Dictator and stuff like this. You know, this, it's, it's sometimes a good way to, I don't know, just, comedy's always done this throughout the years though. It's, it's kind of, look at, look at South Park or people parodying, you know, North Korea. What's that film recently?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, these things are all good. They're good things. Um, but yeah, I guess maybe this one was just slightly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the kind of thing we would come up with and think was absolutely hilarious. And then it turned out that all of the slightly older generation are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might as well set a man trap. It's that dangerous if you polish your floor and then put a rug on it. Seriously, that must have been a thing that people did. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regularly back then, it was a thing. There was one in 1969 called running for a bus. Like, hundreds of people are killed or injured every year running for buses just to save a few minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know. I just, I think it was just that they just decided to part ways for whatever reason. I don't think they got out or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's tricky to be a vegetarian. I've noticed this as well. So for example, like, you know, I was walking home last night past McDonald's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could pop in and have some chips if I wanted, but I thought it would just be really awkward to go in there and say, can I have some chips? And so I, so I didn't and I'm like, maybe I, maybe I should have done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, nowadays, like, I could see a creepy clown in front of a big fucking mat, like a big tray, a Ferrero Rocher style tray of cheeseburgers all piled up, right? And it's, in fact, it's the fucking McDonald's creepy clown. Ronald McDonald. Ronald McDonald. They got rid of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, let me just interrupt you for a second. I know that both you and your wife hate going to them, and so you sort of either have to take turns or, you know, like draw lots to see who has to go to this hellish event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come to a kids party. Fuck me. I think kids could kind of like, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could detect the anxiety and naivety surrounding me though, because I know like after about 10 minutes, I would be like, they would be like climbing on my face. They'd be like pulling my hair. They'd be like dressing me up. It would be like, it would be a nightmare. You know, it would be one of these. Puking on you, trying to shit on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After you, after we finished the last podcast, um, you told us a little story about a kid who was, uh, I don't know if we should say, but some of the, it's amazing. Like these stories, um, about like, it's just life though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a bunch of kids, there's a bunch of, there's you, six foot sub three or something. I'm six foot. Just a big beacon, right, surrounded by all these nannies who are like, oh, oh, interesting man, we can talk to a gothic. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I think there needs to be like a bit of balance here because currently I don't know, is it a mark of our times though that you guys


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we did one of them on the livestream, that was from 1983, and I found a D&D adventure in the Traveller universe, which is kind of a spacey kind of, uhm, Pathfinder-y D&D setting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that, that, that was written, the adventure was written in 1983. And I think that would be, it's, it's terrible. You know, the, it's, it's terrible, but I think if I can blend a bit of that with a bit of bodega, I'd love to sort of run a kind of that universe. Oh, that'd be awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need what we need though, why I need stuff from you is more of a kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not necessarily a bible, but almost like a kind of a guide book. A style guide. A glossary. A style guide, but okay. Like a universe guide to what the state of the universe of Bodega is, right? So can you describe that for me now, like in your own words? That would take a little work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a list of like, for example, if you were going to play, uh, the bodega role playing game, right? What, what, what, what alien races would I be able to use? I guess we need like, Spelupians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, yeah, if you could hook me up with all that, that would be awesome. Okay. Then I can, yeah. Alright, let's see if Bodega putts sex. Seis. Seis. Seis. Seis. Seis. Are you ready? Drum roll. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A tactic, a trick, a trick that you should, you should encourage. People could already see it in their minds eye, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a classic English winter thing, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do remember my dad, um, driving me to school in early, you know, very, very cold winter mornings, you know, and I got a lot of respect for that because it was really cold, really dark when you wake up, you know, you have to get up, you have to get the kids up, get them washed, you know, get them cleaned up, get them some food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I don't know who you, who I, in my life I don't know any old people who are not looked after well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, are you alone and cold and freezing to death because you're a miserable old bitch or due to extenuating circumstances?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not gonna have to worry about this problem much longer by the sounds of it, Sips, if she's got that little go for it. Oh my god. She's not able to move around. Come on. Alright, Adolf. Let's not start euthanising me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, so my nan is 90, uh, she's the same age as the queen, and for her whole life she has very much modeled herself, had the queen there, as this same age, sort of fashion icon, kind of role model, and so she's a very, she's a very stout


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Proactive old lady. She's just calling you names still. Yeah. She's not, well, she's not, I wouldn't call her, she's not, actually she's certainly not very, uh, but she is one of these people who permanently thinks she should be on a diet, you know, even though she's now 90. And so she's constantly, you know, worried about that. Cause I guess she has been her whole life. Um, and so it hasn't changed cause she's 90.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Christmas, uhm, you know, we, we made a decision to put her in a home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we sort of moved her from her bungalow to a smaller sort of flat near, nearer to us so we could visit more often. And so, you know, we always, we sort of, we always used to take turns. So when I was there, I would visit my nan like a couple of times a week. And then when I moved away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, my brother would do it and pop in and stuff. Anyway, we will, it was a very gradual process and so eventually,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mind is going a little bit as well, and it's a- it's very sad to see, and I- I'm not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, I mean, your parents have too, right? Up until the age of about sort of, you know, I don't know, maybe like 13. I was just naked all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number 13 is that- Not fully, fully, fully nude. Uhm, but, but, you know, have a- She saw my balls, but not my dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really appropriate because I guess what happens is as a civilization, when you have like eight kids in each family, okay, uh, at least then you've got like, if you're naming them, if pootoo means first, then you know, rootoo means second or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People only have like 1.5 kids, okay, 1-2 kids. Yeah, nowadays they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. I just don't know how- I can't imagine how the teachers would handle that class though, if literally everyone in the class is called Pootoo. So how does that work? Period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, why didn't you ask this ques- this would be the first question I asked, of the, the putty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think, do you know what I think would happen though? It's a little bit like, if you just, if you, if you say, pootoo, do this, that'll, someone will get up and do it, okay? The most appropriate pootoo will get up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cockfighting is a little bit like what people did before Pokemon, right? You know, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, I think it's, it's, um, it's a big religious, there's a lot of religious attachment to it. It's a lot, it goes back a very, very long way. And I think that obviously one of the things that they're doing with those razors, I guess, is to shorten the suffering of the birds, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, it was- The art of haggling though is it's much easier to haggle when you don't want something, right? It's like, you know, someone comes, comes up to you, you know, you're at a place like browse around, they say, you know, can't beat 100 pounds. And you say, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll have a carpet. That's the best way to negotiate, right? But if you went there, if you went in there and said, Hey, I'm looking to buy a carpet. What have you got? And he's like, I got this 200 pound. And you're like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're going out with the intention, they see you, they cock you, it's all about body language, it's about doing it. This is their thing that they've done day in, day out for like 50 years. You know, they can read you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, like, I guess, cause I grew up having access to a word processor and a computer and typing stuff. Fancy!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the time that was pretty unusual, right? I only had that, it was like a BBC computer, and the only reason we had that was because my dad did accounting on it. It was expensive to buy that kind of stuff. Did they have quickbooks back then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you even, I don't think he even, these computers he only had, he didn't actually do accounting on them, he just used it to send out posh looking letters, and it was almost like an expensive typewriter kind of thing. I sort of only half learned joined up writing, okay, so my writing was always, my writing's not very good either, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of obviously got about halfway through learning joined up writing when someone said, ah, don't bother, no one's going to need to write anymore. And so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My writing is sort of, so some letters I do join up and others I don't. I guess everyone's at a different stage, but the same thing though happened with like touch typing and learning to type fast. So I see some people around the office and it's people that you wouldn't think. Okay. They are right down, looking at the keyboard, pecking away with like two fingers and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's very surprising who those people are. And I, I don't, I can't touch to it perfectly. When you see someone who can,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck off. Fuck right off. Save the fucking franchise. Like, it's had like four bad games in a row. This one would have been shit, they would have made another one, it would have sold enough copies to make another one, and that one would have been shit. I don't think just because a good one comes along, they can say oh it's suddenly safe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the one which I do when I'm watching a horror film, just pausing it, yeah, pausing it and like stopping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes though, sometimes all these things make it worse. Though sometimes you think these things are going to help, but they actually just make it worse. It builds anticipation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's coming out this summer, it says Hello Neighbor is a stealth horror game about sneaking into your neighbor's house and figuring out what he's hiding in the basement. However, he is an advanced AI who learns from your actions, so you have to try and outsmart him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, people have got so good at making these games and making these films where they really just hone in on what makes you scared, what makes a human terrified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to doing it for VR, I feel like it's like easy mode all again, you know, it's like if we apply these things that we know work well on just a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's different levels of horror, of hit horror. Obviously you can sometimes have a film that's all psychological horror and you never even see the kind of creepy, there's never any gore. Like when a stranger calls back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've never heard of this movie, right, but this is obviously something from your childhoods. An hour and a half long, 1993, made for TV, psychological horror film, okay, sequel to, oh, sequel to the 1979 When a Stranger Calls, so When a Stranger Calls Back was to follow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is so, oh, flippin' heck. There's this like, a lot of these things come from something before, okay? Everything's built on each other. So when I, when I just looked this up on Wikipedia and it took me on this little journey backwards, so it said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, When a Stranger Calls Back is obviously a sequel to the classic When a Stranger Calls, which is from 1979. I don't know which one you saw, but I assume, I assume 1993.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's some great fucking work, setting that up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a magnificent little short, I liked it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was really good. Oh shit. That's great. Okay, well that's all we've got time for this week on Triful's Podcast. Hope you enjoyed it. Yeah. Uh, I did. I had a great time. I didn't. Yeah, I did. Thank you to Sips. Thanks. Thanks, Prune. And me. And of course, Pootoo. Thank you, Pootoo. And my name. And Pootoo. See you next time. Don't move my lettuce. Bye. Goodbye. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't hear any echoing flax, don't worry about it. It doesn't sound any different, flax, your new stuff. He's a bit insecure about his audio setup, but that's par for the course with the new audio setup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I come from, I feel like if you know a guy who goes to a personal trainer and says really outlandish shit to him all the time and is being like really antisocial with him and stuff, that's the kind of guy I want to burden. So I go out of my way actually to burden Lewis now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, but there's like, there's a whole structure set up so that you can get help and, you know, that it's like consistent and stuff like that. Like, I agree with Lewis, you should, you should talk to people first before you just go off, off the grid. Like, you're, you're not Neo from the Matrix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Morpheus like sends you an email saying, Hey, do you want some help with the Matrix Neo? And you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Audio Technica BPHS1 headset. The most uncomfortable headphones currently. They do, they take some getting used to, for sure. And the thing is, once they get old, the plastic starts to creak. Like I had to chuck mine out. Because the plastic was creaking so much, it was actually picking it up in the mic, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still use the Scarlett 2i2 flax, and uhm, when I switched over from the office to the dad garage, obviously I had to reset up my rig and everything. I like to call it my rig because uhm, that sounds cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, so I set up, I had to reset up my computer and everything, put everything nice and stuff, so I plug everything in, I get everything up and running, I download a bunch of new games and stuff, and I start recording.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like midway through recording and all of a sudden the audio just cuts out completely. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Like, I have no game audio, so I have to like trash these recordings and stuff because everything is just going all fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the Scarlett 2i2 plugged into a USB 3 port, and it was like overloading it somehow or something, and so I switched back to USB 2, and it's been totally fine since.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, it could be like the smallest, dumbest fucking thing that is causing RoboVoice for you. And, and you'll find it one day and you'll be like, oh my God. Is he actually looking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's pretty good on the... Absolutely. I love social media, so like, I'm always looking for an opportunity to use it, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Babyslaying. You don't, you don't normally hear lots of jokes about a babyslayer, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Louis CK is, he does have the ability. Yeah, he is very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ACK would sort of question it and then sort of lace opinion into it, kinda, and it would make it funny, like, uh, in a sort of, it would take a little while, at first you'd be like, oh my god, I can't believe he's touching the subject, and then by the end of it you'd be laughing your balls off sort of thing. Yeah, exactly. He's pretty good at that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they do, but unless you're Nicolas Cage in that movie where he was an ambulance driver, he was not joking at all in that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking miserable. It was like, oh my god, it was hard to watch. He was so fucking miserable. I just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to stop a couple of times and just like read a joke and like smell a flower and stuff just to remind myself that actually my life isn't that miserable because holy crap, he sucked me into a vortex in that movie. What the fuck was the name of that movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was in some pretty good ones, too, though. Nicolas Cage has had some good ones. Like, uhm, he was in The Rock. That was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awful, that was an awful one, but like, he was still pretty big at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Raising Arizona was Patricia Arquette in that one or is that one with Christian Slater? I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, Family Man was fucking good, man. Like, I like that. Legitimately, I thought that was a great movie. Like, he nailed the role of having kids so well, like it was insane. He just looked so fucking bummed out. Did you see Windtalkers? Was that like Zelda or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That adaptation was pretty good. That was, uh, the, uh, about the, uh, he was the, um, right, that guy, that writer, um, was his name again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got like, he's got like an AC like OJ had, you know, he's got like one childhood friend who fucking loves him and is secretly gay for him and stuff that follows him around for sure. And he's probably got like a stylist and shit like, he's, he's got people for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, like, he's just such a fucking whiny bastard, isn't he? And like, he's been around for so long, and his story is so known and everything, and they're always trying to elaborate on it a little bit more and stuff, and I'm just at the point now where I'm like, you know what, Batman? I'm done with you. Give me a new superhero, I'm done. I'm over the bats. I don't want to hear about it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like the world's greatest crybaby now. I mean, geez, like, how long ago did his parents die in Gotham City at the hands of the Joker? Like, I mean, fucking get over it already. Like, think of all the things that he must have done between that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's actually on Netflix, I should watch it. I've been slowly watching Django Unchained recently, which is honestly great. I forgot how excellent dialogues were in Tarantino films, and the dialogues in Django have been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a good movie so far. I'm like halfway through it. I can't sit down and watch a whole movie anymore. Like I watch half an hour chunks of a movie now. Jesus. Like over the course of a week. Yeaah. It's really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rocky is like, like the original Rocky movies are like the ultimate pick-me-up movies though, like they're so, they get you so pumped, like I don't know what it is about it, like they're just great movies, like all of the original ones are really fucking good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I remember watching them, I think I watched like three back to back, like Rocky 1, 2, and 3, back to back one day. Uh, with, with my, she wasn't my wife at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we were, we were, we were, actually I think we were engaged at the time. Anyway, we were like lounging around and we watched all three Rockies, all those three Rockies, sorry, back to back. And by the end of it, we were almost like fist fighting and we were whooping and cheering and stuff, like it was great, like we felt really good. It was, it was nice, like it was really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, like I'm not- I could take it or leave it, but I just thought the Rocky movies were really entertaining, like they were just fucking so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is his name? That's Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren? Yeah, but he plays, uhm, what's his name in, in, in the, he's the Russian guy, remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's why his, his like voice got like really slurry and like sort of- Maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drawly, like as time went on sort of thing. Dolph just punched him a couple times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he want, maybe he is a visionary and he sees Nicolas Cage potentially, uhm, playing the role of Bodega in a future film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he was flirting with him and stuff, wasn't he? So like, probably. Or maybe he was seducing him with the intent to kill him and eat him. What a terrific story. That was great. Who wrote that? Can we get a round of applause for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my video. Ah, you're the best. Holy shit. Thank you for the- Oh my god. Comedy cramps. That was great. Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, that was good. What a great way to wrap up a conversation about Nicolas Cage. They had a lot of soaring highs and really dipping lows and then just to fucking, just to, you know, crown it with that story. That was, that was something special. I feel better than I felt after watching three Rocky movies back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's weird, yeah. Man, that was pretty good. That writing is way better than anything I could ever write. Like, I'm tearing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy is gonna be the new- Yeah, exactly. But you're like, yeah, A+, this guy's great, you know, he can write the rest of them for me and stuff, no problem. I think that- I think that takes- Interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, how weird would that be? You know, like, when people are homeschooled and stuff, you always think, like, what are they actually teaching somebody, like, at homeschooling? Imagine this kid is, like, his- the only movies he's ever seen in his entire life have had Nick Cage in them and no other movies. How fucking fucked up would that be? Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, hell yeah. I mean, I was still wearing track pants at that age, like, every fucking day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that guy is like the next up and coming Twitch chat superstar. For sure. That's nuts, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anytime anyone mentions colonizing the moon, I just think, man, I hope I'm alive to be able to live on the moon one day. Even if it's just for like a week or something, like I think that that would be fucking amazing. Yeah. I would love to live on the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was watching this series on Netflix called The Expanse and it's like, it's about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Earth, Mars, and the moon has been colonized by Earth as well. But Mars has like separated off and become like their own sort of like federation or whatever. And it's really tense between Earth and Mars. Sounds fairly normal, yeah. I love like, I love in like shows like that and sci-fi like that where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So occasionally they return to earth, right? And the United Nations runs earth now. And they return to earth and they visit like a cattle ranch in Montana and like not much has changed. It's like really, really familiar. Like there's no like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has it, Lewis? Have people changed? Why don't you tell me about this change that you've witnessed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so good. Yeah, that's, that's, these, these are really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, how come I can't write like this? Do you have to practice or something? Like, is it just a calling? Like, I could never write like this. Do you read much? Yea, I read enough. Yea, I think if I wrote stuff it would just go off into these awful tangents that would make no sense and I would never be able to get back to the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I find these like fairly coherent though, like they're not. Really? Yeah. Pfft. Ish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it would have been done on purpose to like, you know, cause if you had to present it to the class or whatever, you would have gone out of your way to make it like, especially violent and gory sort of thing. Yea, maybe, yea. I reckon these have been read out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I gotta watch that again now. That sounds great. That sounds like a fresh new spin on the rock for me. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I might have seen it, but it's, it sounds familiar, but I don't know. 89.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone posted, uh, in one of the current board thread, it was on the Yogscast subreddit saying, can we please not talk about American politics? Cause it like triggers them basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that this is what you're going back to what you were saying about there being too much, uh, stuff on TV about politics and how it's gonna destroy the world. It's become the new Armageddon. We used to talk about the Cold War and how the commies had nukes. They got nukes pointed right at every school in this country, god damn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually love watching him talk because he feels like an imposter to humanity itself. Like the way he talks is like someone who'd been told this was how people talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he doesn't actually know on a fundamental level how to talk like a human being. I think he's great. There was, he was in Scotland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that he, he has this weird way of doing everything where he almost looks into the distance when he says stuff like he's so busy. They said, are you pleased to be back in Scotland? He goes, I love it. I'm so happy to be back in Scotland. I love it. Scotland is great. I love it. And he just kind of, but he's not talking to anyone. He's just kind of looking into the distance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I changed my name to Pyramain Flax on Twitter, so I'm out there with Romain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's terrible odds, that's not going to give you any return whatsoever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know what it is. It's, you know, Britain is a great place to live. I think, uh, I, you know, traveled a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I mean in my opinion, I guess, but I do, I love living in, in Britain. I think it's a great country and, uh, I don't see why we should let Nigel fucking Farage run the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got the best tushie, you know what, I love a tushie. Nigel Farage, she's got a great tushie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trump? Trump hump or Trump? What's it gonna be? There was his hotels, everything has Trump on it. The carpets, you get a bottle of wine, it has Trump written on it, in massive letters. The doors, you go light on your bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gold, we'll call it the Trump House, welcome, we'll call it the Trump States of Trump, Trump-a-Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can always just fuck off to Canada, Sips. I mean, you could just go like, on Audi, which is like a really cool country to live in. I'm stuck, I'm stuck in this hellhole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's literally like a 40 minute flight. And when we flew out, you can see obviously the beautiful harbor and everything like that. That whole, that whole, that whole Northwest is just gorgeous. Everyone thinks of the West coast as California, but the Northwest is absolutely gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is right there and it's huge and it has like its own, so like all these clouds kind of flowing off it and I don't know, we don't have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything like that in the UK, like dramatic, super dramatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are these? Oh, look at this. So Mrs. F, uh, had a thing at her work conference where you could design your own adidas trainers as part of, uh, the thing. So she designed a trainer. It's a nice white trainer. And on the back, it says Mrs. Flax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sell out. Unbelievable. No, that's beautiful. Wowee. She's got Mrs. Flack's shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, they're just, it's just a white shoe and then the, the sole underneath is kind of a luminous yellow and then it says Mrs. Flax on the back. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. Where's mine that say Mr. Flax? What's this? What did you get me? She got me a present. She got me some, uh, what is that? Odour toilette. Odour toilette.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can vaguely smell that there is a scent of some kind on my arm, but I can't actually, like there's no, I can't detect anything about it. I can't smell flowers either. People are like, oh, can you smell these beautiful flowers? I smell them and I just can't smell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But not all things. So my range of smelling must be like, you know the way old people can't hear high pitched sounds and low frequency sounds. They're sort of their range of hearing shrinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like if I'm cooking, I can smell cooking and I can recognize those smells. Tastes, tastes like true smell, not the other way around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, shit, I mean, if you think about it, it's particles of poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you fart, there's particles of poop floating through the air and some of them you're sniffing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you fart in someone's eye, you'll give them pink eye. So poop fart, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, loads of times. Exactly. And so that's, I reckon that's what's done it. No, I think it was, um, when I got hit on the head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I was a kid, I have a scar on my head from where a bicycle fell on my head and I think it fell on the smell part of my brain. That's my theory. That's the best. That's our work in theory that the PFLAX is brain scientists, the little guys in my brain that try and figure stuff out. They've come up with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I mean, it's kind of the, the, the coolness of them compared to vaping. Vaping is not cool. Like anyone that thinks vaping is cool is wrong. It's not cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's because I have a base level of coolness that is unaffected by the vape. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The garbage, you know, I mean, I think the problem is that, that vaping has sort of, it's decided that it's a subculture when it's actually just smoking. So now you've got like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] competitive vaping, and people who like, walk around with it, seriously, they get into a ring and they try and blow the biggest cloud of smoke that they can. And there's some people like, if you get people who are all nerdy about it, they're talking about, they're talking about it in ways that are kind of like, jeez, would you just shut up and just relax, it's just smoke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sure as hell ain't good for you. I don't think anyone's seen it as good for you. I did lose a lot of weight when I started vaping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll do their all night thing where they all just sit around looking haggard and suggesting things and going live to places and like this is my problem with news reporting now is they don't report the news after it's happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're obsessed with reporting it continually from start to finish and then having a massive wrap up show and talking about it for weeks afterwards. Cause it's, they've got to fill so many hours of news. It used to be, here's the news. It's half an hour long. We're going to tell you all the important shit that's happened now that it's happened. But now it's like, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As it's breaking, we're gonna stay with this story as it unravels and we're gonna go and interview people and ship all our millions of journalists here, there and everywhere to bring you this vital news about something. It's just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they'll show that three times in the next half an hour. We do have footage of police in the area. And also the whole way they talk changes. Like if you look at newsreaders, they all, especially reporters, they all talk with the exact same cadence. So they do this thing where they will


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Papers, look at the camera, look back at their papers, and we will...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to break. You're trying to like talk while this is all happening. Yeah. And then they're also being told, we're getting breaking news that, uh, there's a cockroach crawling up your leg. And there is a cockroach crawling up my leg as we speak. Let's go live now to my leg with reporter Steve Bernsen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in a garage, this is when I lived in New York, and uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Till I was like eight. So I grew up in Queens really. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, all the houses on my sort of row, I guess there were about 20 of them, had, there was a driveway that ran along the back of all the houses, and the other, sort of opposite the houses, so you had the back of the house, the driveway, and then every house had a, had a garage, like behind it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So as a kid I would go up and down this driveway and I knew all my neighbours and I'd go and catch like free biscuits and sweets and things and I'd go hang out with, with them and cause it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At different time, people had all this garden furniture out the back and they'd sit out there in the weather and they'd have barbecues and stuff like that. And it was great. I mean, I knew everybody. Like I can still remember whose house and who lived where. It was like, you know, it was really, I think it was very, uh, very important to me as a kid, being able to chat to all those, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, computer sort of, uhm, programming thing from his basement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I'm walking back to the snow and there's blood falling from my head onto the snow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, Jimmy was like distraught, he was like really upset and he was crying and everything like that because he thought it really hurt me and everything. And, uhm, yeah, my mum was like, oh, it'll be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are so cool that the tank sips like when they're pretty big. They're like the size of a cereal box, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's got like, machine gun noises, you can shoot BBs, and the tank actually rocks backwards when it shoots, as if it's firing like a... That's awesome actually. It was really cool. It was really good. And they've got proper tracks and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because Tom's a big guy and he's, you know, he's from farm stock. So you wouldn't mess with him. He'll get, he'll run you through with something. Don't make me get the axe, Lewis. I'll run you through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if what actually happened, Sips, was that we both had a bicycle fall on our head and like some kind of quantum leap thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our lives at that point diverged so that you get to enjoy the flowers and I don't. Cause you were both in America, yea, it starts making sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's why I hate the Tour de France so much. I wonder if it all goes back to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't help. The entirety of France, they love it. The entirety of France do not like the Tour de France.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you crazy? It's literally called the Tour de France. It's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I watched all of them until I obviously, you know, when, when I came down, we were doing stuff. So I missed some of them. But yeah, but it's okay. But I watched the games last night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fine. They, uh, they were, they were okay games, but they weren't like, the last night was, was really, the last couple of nights have been fantastic for the football, actually. Really, really good. Some great games, great results, and a lot of teams have gone through, like Ireland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They run it the same way that they run the island in Lost, you know, you just have to press that button every time the counter comes around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like people feel, I think a lot of people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That don't really understand football, but maybe watch it in the pub a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that watching it in the pub, like, that they're somehow part of an experience or that they're shouting of, this is shit, Hodgson, change something, is actually gonna matter. Like, they'll shout something out like that. And you think, what's, like, you just come to shout with the TV with other people. Like, you're not actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enjoying this, you're just shouting at the TV, and I guess looking for some kind of group agreement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This took, this took a turn I wasn't expecting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, if you watch his speeches from our perspective now, he looks mental, right? He looks absolutely mental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Cause I guess nobody really did that up to that point. Like if you think about politics up to that point, they must have just gone up and said, hello, everything's fine. And everyone applauded politely and that was the end of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, you know what I think, a lot of it was the fact that it wasn't that many generations after, you know, all the sort of Napoleonic era and all those kind of wars. And a lot of stuff was, historically, this shitty bit of farmland should belong to us and the people there kind of look like us and kind of talk like us. So we should get that back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, the treaty, the treaty of Versailles, they said at the time, this isn't a peace, declaration of peace. This is like a declaration for war or something. Cause I mean, they knew that it was just going to postpone it. And that's why the French had the biggest fucking army in the world at that time. It was fucking huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, then you know, it was like, I think the problem was that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They knew the war was coming, but everyone was kind of hoping it wouldn't. And they sort of kept trying to appease Hitler and saying, well, maybe if we just let him, you know, give him a bit of Poland, or maybe if we just let him nick big chunks of Czechoslovakia, everything will be fine. And, and it wasn't, it was just, yeah. I mean, I think what was interesting for me about it is that it was the last era


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you could have a war that wouldn't just end the planet, you know? Like you could have a war of that size involving that many countries and the entire world and it wouldn't just end up as a molten slag of lava. Right, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, if you put that many troops in the field, they'd just get nuked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what else they underestimated was the willingness of the Russian people to fight like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they just burnt it all. And then every time they caught up to some Russians and surrounded them, instead of just giving up, like the French did, because they were like defeatist, the Russians are like, we will fight till we have literally out of bullets and then we'll just fight with our hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he said, nah, if we give them winter gear, they'll settle down for the winter. We've got to give them no winter gear so they're motivated to fight and then they'll win quicker. Stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, if you put Michael Jackson in charge of a massive army.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, my mum was born in 1944, and her, like, her father, so my grandfather, on her side, or in fact all my grandparents, and all my wife's grandparents, all of our grandparents, fought in one way or the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's that recent. It's just, it's insane to think about it, but yeah, there's pictures of my grandfather training up. He's got like a rifle and everything like that. And he was in the Air Force and he was shot down. He was Canadian. He was in the Canadian Air Force, he was shot down over France and had to escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, have this guy get captured or tortured and give up their position. They were like, we can't get you out, but equally you're not French, so you're not going to be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you're not going to resist to the end and say, I will never tell you where the secret base is. You just say, if you, once they start pulling out your fingernails, you say, oh, they're in the cafe. And they'll go, oh, the cafe, why didn't we see that coming? They're in the flipping cafe. So yeah, so he, he was able to get out luckily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then of course, you know, have my, my dad and then me. Nice. So it's pretty clutch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not to mention, if you're a fire and artillery, I mean, they didn't have the kind of GPS stuff that we have now. It was all for maps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I do kind of wonder when we talk about, um, World War II, we're always talking about, ah, they should have done this. Like obviously with hindsight, obviously that is easy, but even then people talk about what should have happened and what should have been done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've actually been playing quite a bit of Overwatch with some of the subs that I know from my channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so we've got enough people now that we can have like a regular in-house. Oh cool. Which is a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah. Uhm, and we also just, yeah, we queue in pubs and stuff and we're all on Discord. It is, it is just like Dota in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you play it solo or just with like two people going into a stack, for me, it's not fun. For me, the fun is the team aspect of it. And that's actually in a weird way has got me back into Dota because I've been playing a lot of Dota lately as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I just, I missed both of those, that sort of multiplayer experience where it's live. Cause I have been playing so many strategy games and you kind of feel like you can pause it, you can think, and I like that. But I also like the immediate sort of response you have to have to a good game of Dota or Overwatch or something. So I've been doing a lot of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. Like Valve do as well with Dota and stuff. Like with CSGO, they haven't really done that yet. Like when they released that stupid Magnum gun that was horribly overpowered for like one patch, they just sort of put it out. But with Dota, when they did techies, they used the All-Star match at TI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Similar boat. I also feel that I would be better at DIY than Lewis because I don't think he's had the exposure to it and the need for it, having lived in rented accommodation for so very long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've got, I've got a lot of tools, like I've got like, uh, I've got a, I mean, I own a sledgehammer, I own a pickaxe, I own one of those, one of those planes, you know, where you can plane wood down and stuff like that for sawmilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing is like, like Sips, when I had little kids and was forced to sit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the house, watching television, and they can't watch it, like, this is before the age when they can really watch it, so I'd be watching stuff. And I would also, like, I'd watch Frasier from episode one to the very end, in sequence, because they were on channel four like twice a day, and if you timed it right, you could watch them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I watched the whole run. I watched the whole run of Star Trek Next Generation. I watched the whole run of classic Trek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I wonder if he's going to make a joke about his wife or his mother this episode. You know, that's like the entire show. And then it's one of those shows, you know, the way shows build up a language with the audience and they know the character so well that the joke is just like seeing the character. Like for instance, there's some episodes of Seinfeld where if you're not a Seinfeld fan, Kramer


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming into shot, or George or someone like that coming into shot. We know the characters, the joke is evident because we know them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I feel like Everybody Loves Raymond is the kind of show that, cause I never watched it and I hate it, I'll watch a random episode and he'll be having what seems like a bland conversation that in walks his brother Robert. Yeaah. And the audience goes nuts. Doing that gormless fucking dumb shit that he does. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just, I just, to me I'm like, maybe I just don't get the show that seeing Raymond...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and his brother, just looking at each other, is itself hysterically funny. I dunno, I kinda feel like if you really like, everybody loves Raymond, you're probably a big fan of shows like Ellen's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to find an excuse to pack it in because obviously me and my trainer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they bought all these new like soft play things and, uh, he held up one of them that looked like it sort of, it was sort of ribbed and I was like, is that one for your ass? No, of course he didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm moving, I'm probably having to move house cause the, uh, my landlord sold my, the flat that I live in. I like this, I don't live in here. So I live in the same building as Duncan. You know, it's quite cool. We get to like hang out and stuff and play ball games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chill in the little garden and, but now I'm, I'm having to move out so I'm gonna, uhm, I'm gonna probably go and find a new flat elsewhere and that's a good excuse for me to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find a different gym, I think, with a different trainer. I don't know, like, it's just too... I don't know. I don't know if I'm getting on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's good. Sounds all good. So I mean, like, um, what do you think, like, so I was just sort of thinking about this because you, you reminded me. So I was, I was hanging out with Ben and we play, I play a lot of games with Ben these days and there's like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting divorced and he's- But we were just chatting away and I don't know how we got onto the topic of it, but like, um, but it reminded me cause you said it was your eldest's birthday. So I guess that was eight years ago when your wife had, um, your first child and Ben's wife can't remember almost anything from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, so did you tell her about when the clout turned up and stuff like this? You know, you could like totally throw in all these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes when you're like, you're not sure whether you need to have a poo or not, right? And then you're like, oh god, if I don't have a poo, then I'm gonna like, I might be like at two hours into a car journey and then really, really need a poo and then I can't poo. And then that fear of needing a poo makes you need to have a poo. But with a human being, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you, was it the fear of a juice that made her like poop? I mean, have a baby? Yeah, I guess so. It's like, I guess it's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have like maybe two hours of like free time and I was like, man, I want to play this for 15 hours. I need to find 24 hours to play this game. And that's, that's me. You know, I've got, you know, I can take as much time as I want. And I'm like, got no obligations. I'm like a free bird. I could just, you know, saw like an eagle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The same as you guys, right? It was, it was, it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would play, I remember we would get the dining room table, we would clear it off, me and my friend Michael would play Warhammer and Necromunda and things like this against each other, right? A lot of the old Warhammer games. And I think I was just, I just, I missed Blood Bowl and I missed like a couple of the classics, but