[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that was a thing on Love After Lockup where when the men knew they were getting out, they wanted that first date. And I think she might be suggesting more than just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Food. Consumption. If you know what I'm saying, if you know what I'm getting at, I think it's like, wine me, dine me, I will make you cum. I'll make you cum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so she's the guys first, I'll make you come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These guys are not soft with her. They probably prison pound her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, hold on, there's more. You're not, notice the faded chest tattoos. Uh, the eyebrows are burgundy and drawn in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, well I thought you would like it because it's conflict. I do like it, but. I know it makes you comfortable when it happens. But here's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To call somebody a cunt in America,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know what? I know that we call Adolf Hitler a knucklehead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Karen's hot, but I don't know, these guys seem a little wacky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't the fun kind of conflict that you'd dig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very impressive. As is the man's penis training her, I can see his penis through his...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for those of you just listening, that was a boy coming out to his parents as demisexual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't keep up. We Google demisexual. Shit, I forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I would assume. It sounds really healthy, and then it goes on to say they can be pan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fluid, blah blah, asexual or asexual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a feeling he's bi or gay and demi. I don't think it's just that he sleeps with ladies he likes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's definitely dead body, right? It's not just filth, right? Cause they're living off of something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Was it the flies that took people off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, poor guy died in there. It stank. And I think you leak fluids pretty quickly too, so it probably messed up the carpet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what you get for dying in our fucking office, dickhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at all those flea flus. I wonder if the flea flus came to eat him like that or maggots. You decompose fast, you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gooey face. Damn, that means nobody was looking for that fool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is on the same painkillers you were given when you were in the amber lamps, and I thought you could relate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know. You weren't like that, but you were definitely like not. You had enough coherency to leave that hospital. I was pretty amazed. I'm pretty surprised. After a shitload of drugs. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know. It's coming. We gotta rip, man. This is like... I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that was nice because it's a positive message and you can show your kids like, this is what drugs do to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he doesn't look good, either. I mean, and he lives in his truck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's such nonsense. They're like, so that is a word that's not a word and you can't use that word to represent the word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but there's no way to say something is not without referring to the is. Do you know what I'm saying? Yea. There's no way for you to be agender or neuter or whatever unless you're referring to that which is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just, it's not logical. It makes me crazy, this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it is ira- it is antithetical to reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't look at me with your full head of hair and judge. Hey. With your fucking beautiful hair privilege, your white privilege, what you got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and how are they so skinny? They eat like fucking pigs. I don't know. I finally won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there are people that really get mad when people don't adhere to rules rules.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I see a lot of complainers, like, so they're not wearing their masks properly on the corner of blah blah blah and blah blah blah. I saw somebody in Erewan and they weren't standing in line correctly. You're like, what is wrong with you fool?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we complain about psychos, but I feel like at least it's entertaining. It's for the purpose of comedic complaints.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have so much anxiety right now with COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I saw somebody in the grocery store in a hazmat suit. Like a full hazmat suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and you're like, really? If you have this much anxiety?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That way, you don't have to wear the hazmat suit. You know, like if this woman has so much anxiety about going this way and that way, just stay home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, when you, oh boy, when you were broke, uh, did you ever scoop the deodorant out of the plastic? You know how like it gets down to the bottom and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever scooped out the deodorant, the remnants, and then mashed the remnants? I have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done the same and you're like, oh I can buy like three of these at once too. I can afford like three deodorants at once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It hurts, your fingers. No, this you're gonna like. Oh no, I'm not gonna, I have a feeling. Yes you are. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in the background, so she gave her image to him in the background too, which is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And celebrity endorser. It's huge that Taylor Swift is on board.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much would you prefer it if Anderson Cooper, like, okay, it's like CNN and then it just zooms in and he's standing at his desk and all you see is him J and his D?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today in Russia, Putin da da da, and he would go on with the news like that. Wouldn't that be cooler?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm gonna do with my next hour. I mean, I'll be like, I'm gonna do my hour stand up and then Tom is gonna come and masturbate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody wants to see that. They'd much rather see you masturbate. Nope. There's no big finish with a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it wasn't until he said, you have two in you, you have three in you. And I was like, oh my God, this is actually happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After we were done recording, we were like, oh, we have to take Beef out. I couldn't believe how teeny tiny she was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she said she was proud of herself that she could take that many dicks down there. It was the two stretching out her vagina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] privilege. Quick point of personal privilege. You just ruined your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Others find it amusing. I think it's a bit funny, but I also don't care. I think it's kinda funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was just a news report of just massive public defecation in like one of the lakes or something in India.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I was just like, yeah, but what if they ask questions right before my second test? They're like, uh, I don't think you fit the criteria anymore. This is why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is Sunday. It's the Sunday. Okay, so how about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No yea, like I'd love to get down, it's, it feels much better to be lighter than what I'm at right now. Do what I'm doing. So yea, give me your routine, like how'd you get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you pulled off every single tattoo that was on you, and I'm not even joking, like the face tats looked good on you, the arm tats, the neck tats, like no joke, you could pull it off, if you wanted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Agender and cis male. So, my pronouns you can either call me he-he-him. That's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can also do the they them. That's also fine. And for my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buddy here, Terry the Tiger. Terry the Tiger is a gender. I'm not gonna assign gender.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To my stuffy buddy. I prefer with pronouns as far as Terry the Tiger goes. Use Z Zim, Z Zare, the Z pronouns as I call them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's, I think it's a privilege to wish you a happy birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You turned to half a century years old, and like I tell everybody, my brother, because I just turned 50 this year, and you've been in the game putting in work for years, only thing I can tell you, cause you can relate is, that you alive! You healthy!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The comic tour you went on and you had the comics out there a couple of years ago


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva. Go to satva.com slash the shit to get $200 off your next order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This morning I woke up. It was so hot, Tom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you, this rain, I mean, when's it going to stop? And then people have to talk about when the rain is going to stop. That's another


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not even that paralyzing, like it's lovely, it's like a tropical rain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cool. It was the highlight of my day. And then the highlight of our weekend was that our older son Ellis befriended a frog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, listen, there's always, cause there was always that kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now we have a pet frog and now he sprays it. He goes, you gotta water the frog, gotta give warm water. That's what they like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so now here's, so we caught flies. We've been catching flies in the house. How do you catch them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she did it as a kid all the time because they used to catch frogs too. So she just goes like this, she catches them with her hand. She goes, I caught a frog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, I mean, I got the fly and then we put the fly in the box and that's it. And then frog eats the fly. It's the best thing ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm 45 years old and it's the first time I've held a frog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's a neat addendum to your story. In my bathroom here in the studio, I went the other day and I saw a tiny dead frog on my floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Bitsy went wild when she saw the frog. She started frothing at the mouth and stuff. And then Ellis ripped the frog out of her mouth. It was awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ellis is talking about getting two frogs now. He goes, you know, be great, mom, another frog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what it is? I think it's that we haven't, you haven't sniffed my booty in a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And can I tell you since my accident, I haven't really had horny vibes yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing, I like a meme on the internet. It's of a guy in like a seventies, in the seventies, he got a tight shirt on. It says, I may not go down in history, but I went down on your sister.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And can I tell you though, in all sincerity is that if he, if that were Ryan Gosling,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You bet I'm taking that offer. You bet I'm taking it. If that were Brad Pitt, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right Dave, it's like the Venn diagram never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think, cause like, the Leonardo DiCaprio's, the Brad Pitt's, the Ryan Gosling's, like it rains pussy all day on those dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, I mean, what would it even be like if they had to solicit? Like what do you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a lion. It's like a lion that hasn't had to catch its own food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, do they turn into sad zoo lions or zoo animals? You know, when you take away that hunter instinct from animals, how they just kind of lay around and get sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long do you think that will make your dick not hard for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think there are people that come out of like ankle surgery like I had or your type of surgery and their first inclination is to masturbate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if my PT guy is a secret foot fetishist?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this whole time he's just like got this raging boner cause he's like, you know, working out the soft tissue and then he's like, yeah, look at her pedicure today. And I was like, oh no, like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would let, he's like, I have this healing property to my semen. It'll heal your wound faster. And I'm like, yeah, sure. Anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got these, this big open gash on my ankle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd let him. I'd be like, whatever. Just don't come back though. Like I wouldn't be able to see him again. Oh, you'd be like, this is our last.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was so meaty. What did you guys have for lunch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I want to, basically what I'm getting at is what an adavi is really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I got the high cholesterol. I can't have that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he goes, I go, I like to have barbecue. He goes, well don't have the sausage. You can have the brisket. I'm like, fuck a brisket. Brisket's delicious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I want the ribs, man. I want the pork ribs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love playing best fiends. I do it a lot when I'm in airports or uhm, on the airplane because it's easy. You don't have to be connected to the internet to do it. I love the levels. I love the sounds. I love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the level of challenge that the game is, like it's not too hard where you're annoyed, it's not too easy where there's nothing to figure out how to level up. It is so much fun. And now my older boy, my five year old boy is into it. And we love the slugs and all the stuff. It's, it's free download. Uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's, it has over a hundred million downloads right now, so it is so much fun. Download the five-star rated puzzle game, Best Fiends, free today on the App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends. Crawl out. Hey, by the way, I'd like to defend Eni. I know he's not there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I know everybody's, um, uh, criticizing the way he takes a dump. I have to say I'm pro Annie's dump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pattern where he stands on top of the toilet. That's just how like the whole eastern world takes a shit guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's healthier for you to squat like that it's better for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I hope he falls and cracks his fucking head open on the side there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see now he's putting his dirty footprints all over the toilet where other people sit and that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But can I get an eastern style toilet? It's much easier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? I don't like his attitude. He's very condescending about it. Like, well, you can't do this. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I don't want him doing it at convenience stores and in public because people sit on those toilets and then he's putting his dirty ass shoes on there. It's very inconsiderate of others I find. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was shitting like this until his roommate in Van Nuys in the valley caught him and was like, what are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you think when you're having a bout of diarrhea and you're squatting, that would be, it'd probably be easier clean up for you, probably feel a lot better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wait to go swimming and walk on this fucking foot. I'm starting to get restless now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on week 5 of my recovery, week 6 I get to go to the doctor and get x-rayed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I love that in our world it's so specific, that somebody who was featured on our show is now like YMH famous and like made some other dudes shift, you know, just Charles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would put that. I'd be like, see you at Lily's at 8 or 8 15. Yeah. And if someone was like, yeah, I'm down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you, you wake up and you belch. You'll just wake up out of dead slumber and go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, well, you didn't even drink anything. Nothing's happened in your day and you're already ripping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's gonna happen is I'm gonna, I'm gonna go have dinner with the kiddos and then I'm gonna try to get them to go to sleep and threaten our youngest to make sure he stays in his crib, you know, all night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I want to try to find a show. You ever get so annoyed with like trying to find the show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff is so stupid that I literally will be like, I'm just going to fucking sit here and stare at the window and I'll just sit there and be like, my thoughts are better than like what the fuck I'm seeing right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't do this. I got a broken ankle. Don't depress me. Now, I will say American Ninja Warrior is really, really, really on fire. Uh, because the first female past, what was her name, Flex, is doing really, really well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm really surprised because a lot of times the women don't make it very far in the courses. They have to have, they have to have upper bodies that look like dudes to make it through the whole course is what I've noticed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a great show. Did I tell you I had one of them reach out to me to train Bert?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the American Ninja Warriors trainer has reached out to me and she's like, I love the show. I would love to train Bert. I'm like, well, he's in Serbia right now, but maybe when he gets back you can have him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James, I'm so excited for our Austin studio to be ready. We were designing stuff. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dad den essentially with a really heavy door so you can lock us all out. You don't have to hear us or deal with us. See, look at you smiling. That's the happiest I've seen you this whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know I've had to answer so many questions about Pac-Man. This Pac-Man, what are the pellets made out of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this one's interesting because now he's making a direct plea for companionship. We haven't seen this before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause now I'm on a whole fitness kick too with my rehab. I'm like you where I wanna, I wanna get healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thumbs up, good for you, as my mother used to say. Thumbs up, good for you. Thumbs up. Like, where the fuck did you hear that one from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where do foreigners pick up these sayings? They're not even really sayings. Does your mom do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm. Does he have a second kid coming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did. Yeah, they have two children now. Mazel, congrats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh Jean, did you know that there are just a wealth of shows that you can watch on Netflix if you have ExpressVPN?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You change the location. It says where you're, you know, watching from and now you can watch those shows. So be smart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop paying full price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get your money's worth at expressvpn.com slash your mom. Don't forget to use our link so you can get three extra months free. That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s vpn.com slash your mom. Expressvpn.com slash your mom to learn more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's like, yeah, Cristina, listen to this part. Oh, it was Maria Dolores Prado, right? Yes. And he thinks that she doesn't know that this is the guy that she's in love with, and then they are in love with each other at the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck you, I'm looking for a fight. You're the dumbest, most retarded,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ignorant, inbred motherfucking cocksuckers ever. I've been to a lot of places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should be treated like a queen. You are the queen of the year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nina, I love my kings and queens of Bombay too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never hung out with anyone my size, or smaller, or nowhere near smaller, no, like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please use responsibly. So I said I wouldn't do it, but I'm gonna do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna start to show in your eyes, it's gonna show in your little facial expressions, and they're subconsciously gonna pick up on it, and it's gonna start to affect them too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically just think of her or him, I don't know, going down or.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever. And just stare them dead in the eyes. Be completely present. It's gonna start to transfer that over to them. Why does this work? Well, using the brilliant science of mirror neurons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And before I get you fucking idiots in my comments saying, ooh, it doesn't work, try it. And if you don't think it works, don't use it. I don't care. Cause I know it does. One more time. Please use responsibly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're googling your partner's behavior, that's a red flag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My husband and I wanted to try the four course challenge, but make everything from scratch. Drinks were a tie, so we picked our favorite homemade Baja Blast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He won the appetizer round and chose the Buffalo Blast from Cheesecake Factory. Then for the dinner round, he won again and the choice was Chipotle Chicken Pasta with extra Parmesan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the dessert round, I finally won, which is perfect because I have a huge sweet tooth, so we made homemade McFlurries. One was Kinder and Nutella flavor, and the other had Oreos and M&Ms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I'ma be here with this sign for a while, like a year or two if I got to. When's Johnny gonna come talk about you guys covering up the kidnapping scene over in Hall County when I took the chief of police down? Tell Johnny boy we gotta talk. Okay? You there? Or did you bail, FBI? You probably bailed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Threatening to be a mortician now, huh? Americans gonna love ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't kill nobody in America, you got that FBI? You ain't no fucking killer, you got it bitch? You work for the government, you fucking cunt. You ain't no fucking mortician bitch. You got that? You just lost your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't know. You've just ruined your life! I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't like that. Are you sure? I am totally sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva. You deserve to sleep comfortably on the best mattress that we've found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you should get one, you should go to SATVA, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They agreed to that URL and that gives you $225 off any mattress of theirs that you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Desire. Why is it the shit? Because we told them when we slept on their new solar mattress this thing is the shit. And it really is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all amazing and it's totally worth it. Go to sattva.com, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit and get two hundred and twenty five dollars off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as you're above 18, you can participate and have all the fun that we like to have here. So, um, man, there's, there's really so much to get into. The YMH Live was a platinum certified hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we want to thank you for that. We'll go into all the details about that. Before I forget, uhm, if you haven't yet seen...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] YMH live number three, go to ymhvirtual.com. It is available through Thanksgiving weekend. You can watch it up until 11.59, uhm, on Sunday night, the 29th, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nadav and I went to the chiropractor. There's all kinds of stuff in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, also, it's always big every year, people ask about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A sale, Black Friday, are we participating? The answer is yes. The new store we've tried to let people know is store.ymhstudios.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a sale this Friday through Sunday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. The code word is Jean, J E A N. It is 25% off everything in the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, there's new stuff, there's holiday stuff, there's slick stuff, there's neat stuff, there's raw stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all there, store.ymhstudios.com. Code word is Jean. Great time to buy some things for your family, your friends, holiday gifts. Uhm, I want to actually just get into this show open just so we can talk about all the things we have to talk about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, here it is, let's start the show, and uh, so much to do today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a colonoscopy tomorrow, today I can only have clear liquids and I have to take a drink later, a laxative drink, uhm, to evacuate my system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I, I planned, I uhm, I calorie loaded yesterday and I ate very late because I knew I wouldn't be able to eat today. So I'm not hungry yet. That's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean uhm, like I could eat right now is one of those things where you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have food I would eat, but I'm not like in a bad place. It's 11am. I'm fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna enjoy not eating. I know. But it's fine. It's what you have to do. I'm okay with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's okay, I'll be fine. I know. I mean there's uhm, so basically if you don't know, I fast all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After midnight, I'm not allowed to have anything but even water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well I was thinking about that place that makes the amazing croissants. Definitely. Chocolate croissants or almonds? I think even plain and or chocolate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, those are awesome. But I also will probably want something more substantial, you know? Yea. Like I want like a brekkie thing. I want like, no, I want like either a burger or like, you know, eggs and bacon. Like I want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Farting. They said you're gonna have some epic farts. I mean, they didn't use that language, but I'm really excited to fart big and I'm gonna ask the nurse to videotape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'll be like, I don't know if you know me, but I'm, I'm the fart guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You've ever seen me? She goes, oh you're that fart guy. Yeah. You record me farting?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so. I think I will be doing a couple IG lives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I definitely, I'm gonna get a few videos of what's coming out of me because it's supposed to be really substantial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then pretty soon it'll be all liquid. I mean you have to understand, I've already taken a significant dump today. Seriously. So like my normal dump system is working. And I'll probably take another like semi-substantial shit. This is really just going to empty me completely. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I could sleep, I could sleep really well if somebody maybe put their mouth on my penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not while I'm browning. At the end of browning. Ew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm done browning, I rinse off, I'm clean now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I think, listen, I'm gonna be hungry and, and like miserable and I'm gonna be trying to go to sleep and it's gonna be tough and it'd be nice to have a mouth on you. Yeah, I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh gross. Come on, help me out man. Help me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be hard to go to sleep. And your body will want to feel good in some way. Cause you haven't felt good all day. So I'll want to. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know and it could be cool if you put your mouth on my stuff and help me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I kind of like that. This is a, um, it's called a, are you going to give me a bratty blowjob? That's the genre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll do this, but then you gotta let me watch whatever show I wanna watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, let's talk about this. So, the live show, I want to tell you something, and I mean this sincerely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have not been that happy doing something than in the last like nine months. I gotta tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna say thank you, not for the like commercial success of it, it's for the fun. Like getting to laugh that hard is because you guys support that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how to articulate the thrill that putting together these things is for us. Like for me personally, I get as charged up as I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's such an intense operation here for us, where everybody's involved. And I mean, everybody is working extra to make those come together. And I know it's easy to be like, you know, they're silly and gross, but there's actually a ton of work put into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we all get this like adrenaline rush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From doing it when we're done, we're like, it's, it's this amazing thing and, and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Seeing it, it was trending up to number two at one point, uh, on Friday night. Like it was like, it was, it was above like WWE and, uh, and like a special that aired about Breonna Taylor, which is, you know, obviously sad and terrible, but you're like, this is what people are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys tweeted so much about it that it was, you know what I mean? And it really felt like we were part of something special and it's like this, it's our own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we were discussing too what it is about gross clips. Here's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, what's, when you see a gross clip, if you're the type of person that sees a gross clip and you send it to your friend, what's the whole point? It's like, you want to see your friend's reaction, right? And like, by finding the crazy heavy clips,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing them together. It's so fun. We end up being like, it's like you're sitting with your friends watching that clip. And that's why I love getting tagged in those stories when people tag me and they're videotaping people in their living room watching it. It is a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, it really is such a fun, fun event. And they've all been like that. Like the live shows, the one I did with Burt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something about knowing this is live and special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, we're gonna keep going, we're gonna keep going with them, you know, we have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a, we'll announce, uh, the next thing we're doing, and they're all not going to be YMH lives, and there will be a variation, uhm, coming up soon, but we're gonna keep doing like that premium content thing, because it allows us to do something different, and it feels like people are enjoying it too. So I think you have like, uh, email reactions, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Dane, that's exactly the type of message my wife talks me about when I watch murder shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly didn't expect the bar to be raised this high this quickly. I look forward to needing a bucket and a psychiatrist for the next show. Keep em high and tight. Piss on me, beat me. Four strokes to you all. Nathan from the UK.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And another one here. Hey jeans, I'm a huge fan of the show. I have to say I'm shaking in utter horror in the best way possible at those heavy clips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they will all see me a little differently. Any advice? Do I mention of what we all witnessed? Also, I don't think I can ever drink milk or eat chocolate ever again. Thanks for the laughs and for fun for the whole family. Happy Thanksgiving, Vincent C.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vince, you gotta act like it's totally normal. Always. Uhm, just be like, wasn't that a great show? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they played some of my favorite stuff. Those two are always just joking around and having a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be like, hey, you know, we can rewatch it and watch. They let us watch it through the weekend. So you guys want to come over? We can screen it again. That's what I would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we, uhm, we ended up talking over on the live episode, the one that Friday, this was revealed and we played clips from Drumline cause we can on the live shows and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really began quite a conversation about films and, uh, some of the memes that have come are epic, uh, that are, that you guys are generating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it really made us think about, like, this is Nadav's, not like, tell me a movie you enjoyed. What is your favorite movie of all time? And for Nadav, it is Drumline, and he sticks to it, you know, he really, he really likes Drumline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, anyways, like the, the interwebs really ran with this. I realize, so that, that plot to you doesn't feel like, kinda like overdone and, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was only, uhm, it appeared like one white actor in Drumline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the shit. Does he do the eyebrow? Like, does he trim them? A drum line?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, let's move it along, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you're, you're filmmaking da- like, and then what is your opinion of like, the movies that mo- like, that are generally in conversation? Like, when people say, you know, Goodfellas and, and The Godfather. And Pulp Fiction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's from I believe 84 critics. And the audience, over 300,000 users, has a 70% approval. Which I'll say, that strikes me as like, oh this must be a decent movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you lost me on that, on that analysis. Let's see other big films here. Casino.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was Eni's favorite film, which is also an interesting choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta get out of drumline. So uhm, let's go to something that I really wanted to. I found this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was, oh yeaah, big big diggle here, okay? I made this call, and nobody believed me. And Nadav would admit to this. You watch this clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Film in the city of, uh, in the Guangdong province on October 22nd shows the lamppost suddenly fall down from a crane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did, uh, featured, you know, this, um, this Irish guy here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so he, Fart Simpson used this man's, uhm, speaking to make a prank phone call, which is epic. And we played it on the last episode, uhm, and you can also see it on his Instagram page.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and there was some debate as to whether or not there was Gaelic and also the blend. So the email says, Hey guys, I'm from Ireland. Just to clear it up, the old guy from the Fart Simpson prank call is from Killarney way in the southwest of Ireland, a small picturesque town which gets


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or did get many tourists. Sham, the old guy, isn't speaking any Gaelic Irish as we call it. It's just English.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in about the most rural country accent you can imagine. So it's all English he is speaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it high and tight, Alan from Dublin. Also got, uh, an email here about TomTalks. Uh, it says, hey Tim, it's not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Tim, long time listener of the other cast you do with Krista and wanted to say thanks for all you do so far. I've been enjoying the Tom Talks as they are a nice break from all the silliness that comes with YMH, Two Bears, etc. I enjoy that things are a little more intimate and grounded from time to time in this dumpster fire of a world. It's nice to watch these interviews, not just to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the one that drops next week and we have a couple more. There are a couple of guests that you are not going to believe are actually coming on this. Somebody pointed out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During the live show, I think it was when one of the heavy clips played, they were like, you just interviewed Andrew Yang this week, the former candidate for president, and now you're playing someone shitting in someone's mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, it's true. I get to do both. And thank you for watching them. Uhm, in keeping with the theme of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's right and what's wrong and, uh, getting answers. Check this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but then the email came in, right? The email came in. Uhm, and?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Read that from here. It says, thank you for contacting us about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reese's candy. It just says there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. There's no wrong way to pronounce it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from Hershey. Uh, if you have not visited Hershey.com, we encourage you to check out. You can learn all about our new products and fun stuff, useful information, seasonal recipes. We hope you have a sweet day. And that's from Keisha, a customer representative there. So the debate goes on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Nadav believes that this is now fake news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true, it's true. But I mean, they're not, they're not agreeing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. Maybe we can get someone on the phone. Could you guys pursue that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. This is fun. This is from Australia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eight cunts? You can't be charged with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode is brought to you by DoorDash. Look, you've got a lot going on. You've got meetings, you've got incoming emails, you got people knocking on the door, kids screaming. There's all kinds of things to do and you just, you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's over 300,000 partners in the US, Puerto Rico, Canada, and Australia. You can support your favorite local go-tos or you can hit up huge national chains like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's $5 off and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code MOM. Don't forget, that's code MOM for $5 off your first order with DoorDash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gotta hurt so bad. God damn that has to hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like, why is it pressing? You know what I mean? Like, what he had, you can't be like, yeah, I can wait until we get scissors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, a beard? You know how hard it hurts, right? When someone pulls your hair on your face? Like, our kids have both, when they're really young, pulled my beard hair out of my face. It hurts. So, so, so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this makes my eyes water. When somebody pulls your beard hair out, this has gotta hurt like you cannot even believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of guessing correctly like crazy on things like I did about the crane falling on the guy, uhm, do you remember that we saw this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the guy. I was correct. If you go to the episode, I go, this is in Florida. Current location, Fort Lauderdale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She had his birthday. She said she had his soul. She said his name, Khalil. And that's him. That guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is the guy. Yikes. He's five 11 150 stood on her car and shit on her windshield. Damn. Khalil Shepard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt it. Yeaah, he's got a nice, what is that? O's tat on his throat? Is that an Orioles tat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just really love the fuckin' Orioles. Well anyways, that's him. Wow. They got him. Mystery solved. Stop shitting on people's windshield. That's a really aggressive move. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there is something that I wanted to show you that we didn't get a chance to really get into, uh, the other day. Okay? Yeah. Hold on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're on the living room floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was looking for something, but it wasn't there. So, we just have to move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I was laughing about yesterday. Remember when you go, what are you laughing at on the couch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I started to imagine your disdain for this video. And I felt like it was hard to really dial into during the live show, like to get you to really, really watch this video and like to really see that, that guy going like, uh, and like he's so old and I knew you would be turned off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin somebody who's so much younger and also I think about like how much suffering like how she like has to blow and fuck this guy 50 years older than her and how gross that is and then that made me laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because like, the poor girl is like a beautiful 20-something year old girl, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They actually, you know, can't even perform, right? Like, like can't even, aren't even sexually viable for the act. But I always laugh at like, like your reaction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the thing is that like, in the old guy fucking thing, there's a particular, I think it's the face he makes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause sometimes, like sometimes we'll see an old guy at a restaurant and be like, how much would you need to fuck that guy? Or I'll say like, would you rather that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like, I'll pick another guy or that guy. That's a fun game to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, so you're like, so who would you rather, I mean I guess I'd rather hear a British accent. So I'm gonna go with uh, Judi Dench. Because I'm saying physically, it's not like you go, well this is that and that, like they're, they're like almost the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I would go with Judi Dench just because I'd be like, just say some shit with your accent. Interesting, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, although I don't think it would be a good experience for either of us. No. I don't think she would like it at all. No. And I know I wouldn't be into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, old folks' homes have a lot of STDs. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, I think that yeah, as you age, you probably, your mind set adjusts with it. Like it's going to be worse than our fifties and worse than our sixties. I think by the time we're 80, we'll probably just be like, yeah, you know, you're gross. I'm gross too. Um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I think that's why old people like looking at young people, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's going on there. He's old as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't think of an old lady that I'd fuck. It doesn't just pop in my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He still fucks, but it's a different model than what it used to be, for sure. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She looks like a short fat lady, like sells chilaquetes on the street or something, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think she knows she's being recorded. Don't you get that feeling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she doesn't want to make noise. Cause she's in like a fucking, it looks like she's in like a patient room or something. There's obviously people around. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was terrible. So upset ripped this for the next live show. So this is an incredible clip. Okay. Somebody actually did this and it's amazing. We really need to pay, pay so much attention to what you're about to see on this screen right here. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, I mean, he goes by AudioBridgeMatt on Reddit. He posted this to the YMH subreddit. I mean-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just so many man, it's just like, it's, it's so great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Incredible. Thank you so much, Matt. That is unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah. Probably saw something. Wanted to check out what's in there. Maybe he finds treasure sometimes, you know? And so... Drunk guy treasures? Drunk guy treasures. That is wild, dude. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poetry in a video. It's like, sometimes these moments happen in real life. Like, I've told this story before. I was at the, uh, the 110.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming from, uh, I was on the 10 heading up towards this junction and getting into the downtown traffic and a car just abruptly cut me off but at such a rate that like I had to slam on my brakes, right? It was like a real dick way that he cut me off and as that happened,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, lights came on behind and a cop pulled that guy over. And you're like, you know, that thing hap- that happens once every hundred times someone does that. And you're like, wow, that's, that's kind of amazing. Check, check this out right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is a video in the car, it's looking out, and this truck comes up, and I don't know what happened before, but this driver has given her the finger, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just poetry, men. That's amazing. That's perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time somebody flicks you off, just to see them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what a dick. This one's not the same, but it's still pretty good. You know that parkour stuff? Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He tried to do the front flip off of, you know, an elevated platform over like an awning of some type and just ate shit, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This by the way, sometimes, sometimes I watch the prep folder, sometimes I see the still image and I'm like, oh boy, and I don't watch it. No, this guy, I was like, this is a, he said, it says self help guy. And I saw the image and I go, this is trouble. Like this is going to be a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like he saw a really successful person that does that. Like he saw Tony Robbins and he was like, you know, all he's doing is branding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has very, it has porno vibes. Like I'm waiting for his dick to come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, uhm, production wise, it has like, like early 90s porno vibes, you know, where it's just like, this is the best camera. It's an old camera. It has, yea, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it, no, it's an old camera. I mean, the fact that the chair takes up most of this frame here, you know, like, oh boy. Here we go. Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what else, this is another lane of that, of like, I think I can be inspirational.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is something that like a child says, a kindergartner would be like, it's also important to receive. And he says it real slow. He's not, his eyes aren't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, exactly. Well yea, that's exactly right. You'd be like, good looking guy, and then he would talk and you'd go, alright, I'll fuck him, but I'm not gonna date this guy. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's sweet, but he might, like I said, I think he's got brain damage. And he's fun. You find him very handsome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Branded like a company and a slogan by being like work hard, play hard, live life 365.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We also brought up, uh, Nancy Pelosi's tits. Um, and let me see this here, uh, somebody sent them this great


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Photoshop? That's not her, but it could be. But it also reminded somebody that episode 398 of You're in a Mom's House Top Dog weighed in on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For you rather dad, you work in a gay bar as a server, topless, or you're married to Nancy Pelosi for a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I can get this to happen. Settle lumps. Settle lumps? Lumps?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to see because this was really funny yesterday. So yesterday, God, I want to see if she'll answer. Um, yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. And they have like a pretty aggressive nature for an insect. One lady puts one on her nipple so that it chews up her nipples.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, she's saying that because I said that what I do pays for my kid's education. Uh, she's saying that she's encouraging her own youngest daughter to become a prostitute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Between Asian piss fountains, uh, milk, puss, ball stomping, or draining a vaginal abscess, which would you like to watch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, between Asian piss fountains, uh, milky butt cereal, ball stomping, or draining a vaginal abscess, which would you like to watch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright, the serial one. Let me see if I can bookmark this. Yea, we can send you this MP4. It's basically...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lady puts, like I said, milk in her poto and then she shoots it into a bowl of cereal and she eats the cereal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we played that too. We had a lady, we had a lady go poo poo onto a man's face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our buddy's here, right? Yeah? Alright, let's uhm, let's have him come in here and we'll, we'll, yeah, we'll do a quick break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is also brought to you by Talkspace. It's not easy to prioritize yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Session, get matched with your perfect therapist from the comfort of your device and reach out 24-7 when something's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On your mind, I gotta say, I mean this is a really great


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Solution and something that so many people need and to be able to talk to somebody we all need to talk to somebody and have that be affordable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's something that so many people can take advantage of and there's nothing better than investing in your own mental health. The bottom line is we all need someone to talk to. Talkspace wants to give us the support we deserve at a price we can afford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace to match with your perfect therapist. Go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code yourmom to get $100 off your first month and to show your support for the show. That's yourmom and Talkspace.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're back with one of our absolute favorites. You can see his podcast or listen to it. It drops every Tuesday at 6 a.m. on the Your Momma's House Podcast YouTube channel. It's the Josh Potter Show with Josh Potter. Hi Josh.


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[Assistant] Feel better and, and, and it has a real effect. I felt the same way where I go like, oh, I'm a different guy now.


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[Assistant] But you had kept to yourself


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[Assistant] You dropped it casually. Casually. I guess I did. We haven't seen you, you know, like really in a little bit. Yeah. And then you go, oh, I sort of forgot to mention something.


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[Assistant] And to be, to be clear, what you're actually saying is that normally you would be doing what you would take over.


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[Assistant] So for the guys out there that are like, how the fuck is Potter doing this? What do you tell those guys?


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[Assistant] Let's try to figure something out here. So the story is that you didn't have to finish yourself.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. I don't think it's an assist. It's not counting as an assist because


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[Assistant] Oh wait, can you break that down a little more? Like, what was so like, different?


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[Assistant] Is there such thing as a bad scrum eating? More experiments will be needed. Is there such thing as a bad scrum eating?


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[Assistant] So you really scrub your asshole those days though, if you know what's happening. Oh god yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause I think the move there is like the people, I don't really like the uhm, I'm not into the degrading either. No, no. But, uh, I understood the environment, but I think the guys that really like that, really like it. Like, they want her to be like, you're a fucking loser. Yeah, I know.


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[Assistant] I think the key, I mean the key is that a savage who's also, like you said, who's complimentary to you, that's what you need. You need, and this is going to be the key to making you jizz everywhere.


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[Assistant] So uhm, yeah, if you're a lady out there and you have the opportunity to be with Mr. Josh Potter, you need to know, be an animal, lots of compliments,


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[Assistant] Oh, you scrummed it back. Hell yea dog. And was she performative when you did that? What do you mean by that? Like, oh, like, you know.


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[Assistant] So wait, when you're, when you're squatting, are your, is your dick, uhm, are you facing, so that your balls are on her nose or like on her chin? What do you mean? When you're squatting over her mouth?


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[Assistant] On that note, I think, uh, uhm, uhm, watch the Josh Potter Show, listen to it, rate, review, and subscribe. It drops on our YouTube channel every Tuesday at 6am. Thank you, Josh. Thanks, Josh.


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[Assistant] The perfect total body workout program just for you. With each workout, the app learns your abilities and plans workouts designed to maximize your results and by cycling new exercises into the mix.


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[Assistant] FitBot keeps your workouts fun and fresh. What I love the most and what I've seen by going into this app is how


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How smart and how much experts are involved in designing these things. I mean, they literally, they design it for muscle groups and really smart workouts that keep you motivated and keep you going and know that each muscle group is getting the attention before shifting off to another one.


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[Assistant] Right now you can get a personalized fitness plan that helps you work out smarter at fitbod.me slash mom. Try FitBod for free for one month when you sign up today at fitbod.me slash mom. That's one month free when you sign up at fitbod.me slash mom.


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[Assistant] Well, I couldn't be happier for Josh. I mean, that is just great. Sounds like somebody actually made him come.


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[Assistant] Beautiful. Just time for the holidays. Just time for the holidays, and I think it gives a lot of people out there hope, uhm, not just that they can come, but that they can make Josh come if they ever meet him.


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[Assistant] At the table this year. I know a guy, and this year was really tough for him. And you can end it on this beautiful note. And uh, you know that you need to, you need to eat it. Isn't that funny that the scrum eating is what tied it all together?


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[Assistant] Wow. That's uhm, it's a really good commercial too. Like for your product.


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[Assistant] You know what's up with his website right now. That's good. That's a really nice shirt. That's the shirt, huh? Good morning, Queens Above 18. Really nice.


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[Assistant] And then he pulled away and was like, I'll trim my own nails. See, he did that at the end, right?


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[Assistant] She's not that bad. I'd give her what she's asking for. Yeah. We'll snuggle.


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[Assistant] I think the real issue with Hugh is that it sounds like you're saying you. So if you said like, she would like some ice cream, it sounds like you're saying you would like ice cream and the person would be like, no, no, no, what do you want?


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[Assistant] Right, who's Hugh? Yeah, I'm Hugh. I mean, you know, it's fine. It seems like you're creating more trouble for yourself.


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[Assistant] I mean, she seems like, I'm sorry, Hugh seems like a very nice person. Sweet. Yea, very sweet. Uhm, and the, you know, trying to, to give an example that people can understand, which I, I get what they're saying with that. Yea.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I have not heard anybody say hue or its. No. When they're like, it would like it. I mean that sounds demeaning to me. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It sounds like you're not talking about a person. But yea, no, keep doing this.


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[Assistant] That was pretty great. It's like, now fucking the storms are coming.


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[Assistant] We encourage you to do it. Make your money. Get your money.


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[Assistant] I will say this though, there is a part where she goes, watch, it's like a question.


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[Assistant] Yeah, see she gave over the goods. Yeah, bad idea. Show me the scratch. Without, you know.


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[Assistant] And then right there and she's giving away the candy.


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[Assistant] Well keep on selling them. Keep making that money. Geez.


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[Assistant] You know how weird, how jarring it is for me to go from my dick being all hard, from sweaty socks, into this.


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[Assistant] Woman or child, could you not do that to me? So, okay.


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[Assistant] You know what, I have a question for you. How are you gonna handle one of your children saying like this to you?


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? But the way you said it, like, you said it like, if you're daring enough.


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[Assistant] The grandparent's just gonna be like, why? But they'll still tell, they would tell them, don't you think?


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, if one of our kids told me that they want to be they, them, I'd be like, okay, okay, sure. And I think the main thing is,


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[Assistant] That if it were, if it's a kid that's acting out, right, doing it for attention, and you agree to say that,


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[Assistant] But that's a biological thing, that's not gender identity.


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[Assistant] That was the same thing in 2016, remember? Yeah. There's that famous one of the person, the girl screaming and crying. Yeah. It's the same. It's always gonna go back and forth.


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[Assistant] That's a cop, right? What the fuck?


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[Assistant] Are they doing like a uhm, what's it called? You know, like a display thing? A test or something?


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[Assistant] Okay, thanks. Thanks. You guys think I'm the psycho?


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[Assistant] I don't think the deathbed hungry person was interesting, but I think a funeral home is interesting.


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[Assistant] No, for a frame it does. At one point it does. Like, the second round of like audio, it sounds like you hear wind and it sounds like it's that guy.


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[Assistant] Right. People added it and then like a woman screaming, it doesn't really add up, but that's cool. And if you can tell us more about this, we'd love to hear it. And I'd love to see the full video.


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[Assistant] Nice tits though. And then he's like, alright, I'm gonna go. Cool video, man.


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[Assistant] Especially a male athlete, you know, in like the very physically demanding, you know, sports.


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[Assistant] It's considered the male athlete peaks at 28, 29. Oh wow.


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[Assistant] Uh, very fun, a reminder that the sale, the Black Friday sale is this Friday and Saturday and Sunday.


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[Assistant] It's site wide if you use the promo code gene and the store moved, we've been trying to mention as much as possible, store.ymhstudios.com. Additionally, you can still watch YMH live number three at ymhvirtual.com.


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[Assistant] The rental period will not end until Sunday evening at 11.59pm.


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[Assistant] So you can watch it with the family all Thanksgiving week, all Thanksgiving weekend.


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[Assistant] Get everybody together and you know how to have fun with us. Uh, once again, a big thanks to everybody that participated, that joined us for that and everybody here.


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[Assistant] That's that, we love you, we'll see you next week, and let's wrap it up.


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[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. I really appreciate it. If you want to see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also, if you haven't subscribed, please do. It helps feed our cats. If you don't have any cats.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you got some really smelly dumps too, man. Oh, but the all-time record.


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[Assistant] Oh, Squarespace. I am such a huge fan of Squarespace. I have used Squarespace many times to build websites. I find their platform to be so easy, intuitive. I'm not a computer programmer. I don't know HTML, but you don't have to in order to build a website using Squarespace.


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[Assistant] You should do it, uh, use Squarespace to build a site to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blog, publish your content, maybe a photographs you want to put up, maybe it's a business you're advertising, a physical business that needs a website, everybody needs a website in this day and age.


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[Assistant] What I like best about it, the templates. They're clean, intuitive. You ever go on somebody's website and it's just jumbled up and there's too much? You're not gonna find that on Squarespace. They have templates for every type of business you can even imagine.


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[Assistant] Plus they have uhm, you know, the online shop you can install, search engine optimization, 24-7 award-winning customer support. You're never going to feel like you're alone.


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[Assistant] He's really been in our house this morning, the king.


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[Assistant] And our, and our hearts and minds. This is how we wake each other up in the morning.


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[Assistant] And the morning I roll over I go, good morning my king above 18, and I start giving you pets like that.


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[Assistant] Uh, this week's episode entitled No Scrubs of Where My Mom's At podcast is where we discover Nadav's favorite movie is Drumline. So if you want to check that out.


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[Assistant] It was. I, you know, we cancelled our plans because, uh, Governor Newsom told us that we weren't allowed to celebrate.


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[Assistant] Forget it. You can stay home. You can stay home. We cannot do this. Easy. Easy. I'm the same way.


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[Assistant] And I remember that year going, wow you can do that?


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[Assistant] But also the realization that you don't have to suffer through the holidays. I know. You can spend them with whomever you choose. You may eat whatever you like. By the way.


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[Assistant] I know, cause at the time we were using the credit card to buy airline tickets to work. And so we'd accrue all these points.


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[Assistant] Whoops. Well, you know what's good, Tom, is that, uhm, we're still as responsible now. You know what I mean? Like, yes, you bought a Ferrari, but when we got, I'm sorry, a Lamborghini, but when McDonald's fired us- I returned it. You returned it.


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[Assistant] Or like, when they invite your family over and you're like, no, no, stay with us. You and I have always been like, no, no, there's a hotel down.


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[Assistant] The street, like there's a mile away, there's a great courtyard Marriott. Yep.


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[Assistant] And then you can rent a car and you can come see us whenever we tell you you can.


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[Assistant] I did a really good job this year. I got the honey-baked ham.


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[Assistant] Well, for the kids. They have to know what Thanksgiving is. We can't be this anti-social un-American. Anyways.


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[Assistant] Thank you. Thanks. I'm proud of myself.


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[Assistant] I'm not supposed to talk, he's gonna have a sneezing fit. Before we started rolling, Tom sneezed no exaggeration, what, 14 times?


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[Assistant] I'm not talking to you though, I was trying to vamp so that you could sneeze. I'm vamping.


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[Assistant] During your, I thought I wasn't allowed to address you, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to talk about it with another party, so.


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[Assistant] I don't know the rules. So next time when you're about to sneeze, I'm supposed to ignore you and say, Nadav, did you see the Tyson, the Tyson exhibition with Nate Johnson?


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[Assistant] Well, I'm a huge fan of Mike Tyson for obvious reasons.


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[Assistant] I remember that. That was a good one too. I mean, so many great fights, but what I loved...


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[Assistant] That's just what I remember. Uhm, but Tyson is such a beast and his the physicality of this man.


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[Assistant] He's being respectful. And what's interesting is Tyson afterwards they said, well how do you feel you did? And he goes, I gave them a good show. He kept saying that, I gave the audience a good show. And just apropos of what you were saying earlier, like that's really what that was.


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[Assistant] Yes, well could you imagine, oh my gosh, getting hit by Tyson's gotta be horrible.


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[Assistant] But can you- do you imagine- oh that's right, they said Tyson lost a hundred pounds for the play. A hundred pounds?! Yeah. I heard- I heard that too, and I was like, that can't be- I don't think that-


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[Assistant] What I really enjoyed was the age factor. It was exciting to see older men doing this and in fact I would encourage older boxing. I would like to see


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[Assistant] 60, 70 year olds box. I think it's way more precarious, cause the whole time you're like, oh he's gonna get really fucked up, you know?


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[Assistant] I would love the- Seniors fight? I would love elderly boxing, and I think we should start to do it. Look. Look.


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[Assistant] There's female boxers now. There's female MMA. Let's do geriatric fighting. I think that's really the next move.


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[Assistant] Wait, the only reason I- Tom, the only reason I bring up what I sent them is just because you and I have different ideas of what's funny and festive.


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[Assistant] I think what ruins it for me, because I think Tom's right, it looks like a cartoon in the beginning, so I'm not really like, oh this is fake, but then to see the other workers walk by and go like, oh my god, and then to see them like, collapse in horror, then you're like, oh this is real, it's really happening, and I don't like that.


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[Assistant] Oh, but what did I send you guys for Thanksgiving?


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[Assistant] I like, I like that kind of stuff that makes me laugh and then you like gory stuff.


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[Assistant] On the show, I have a huge announcement. If you would queue the, uh, YMH soundboard, please.


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[Assistant] Hmm, I know, but can what you eat make you do this?


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[Assistant] Anyways, I have a huge announcement. I uhm, after 15 years together with this man next to me, my dear husband, uh, baby daddy, Paramoa,


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[Assistant] I have never had a conversation with him while he's in the shitter taking a dump.


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[Assistant] I have many times tried to talk to him through the door to get vital pieces of information or anything like that and you never break. You always pretend like you can't hear me calling your name or I'll be like, Tom, knock, knock, knock, Tom, what time is it kids? And that's what I hear through the door.


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[Assistant] And you pretend like the conversation isn't happening.


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[Assistant] Tom yelled at me through the door as he was making a brown.


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[Assistant] About our trip being cancelled and he, uh, he announced it that, hey, hey, guess what?


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[Assistant] The hotel gave us our money back or whatever, and I was like, this is it. This is the first time in 15 years that he's talked.


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[Assistant] Sometimes I'm alone with my kids all day and the best part of my day is when the kids are playing in the backyard and I get to pull up best fiends on my phone.


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[Assistant] And it's an escape. I like the colors. I like the sounds that the creatures make. I know that sounds silly, but I really do. I like feeling a sense of accomplishment and going up the levels. I like that it's challenging, but not so challenging that I'm like,


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[Assistant] Annoyed by it. It's a really fun game and it's easy, but not too easy. It's got over a hundred million downloads. It's a five star rated mobile puzzle and it's really fun. They've got more levels, events and challenges added all the time.


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[Assistant] Uhm, when you want just one more level, it'll be there waiting and ready. Just try it. Download Best Fiends. Boredom will not stand a chance. So download Best Fiends free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends.


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[Assistant] What was that? You know the one that you made me watch his face. Oh. Who's that YMH Live?


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[Assistant] It's totally worth it, I agree, Tom. And also, but do you think the Viagra, if you took Viagra, that makes it last longer? It does, but here's the thing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, why don't you buy- you should buy your kids a thousand dollar bag.


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[Assistant] That is the threat. It's like, either you buy this for me or I'm gonna- And by the way, that-


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[Assistant] It is. It is a good extortion tool for kids.


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[Assistant] Is there anything, hold on, would you, would you have sex with an older woman for any material item? What would you, for a Rolex? I think you would.


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[Assistant] Right. I offered you the stuff in which that you'd have to hawk. There you go. There's Jane Doody, Judy Dent. She got into her. Yes. Yeah.


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[Assistant] So one time, there was an older man who was interested in me. And I mean, in his mid 40s, like how old I am now, 44, let's say mid 40s. Yeaah. And I was 20, 22 years old.


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[Assistant] Smoke show. Hide of my youth. Couldn't be any skinnier. Tits couldn't be any more perfect. I mean, I was cute, right? 22 year old Christina. Yeah. Look, look, come on. Those are the road rolls days. Cool hair.


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[Assistant] So, I've never gone out with an older man in my life. Like, I'm not interested, I'm not, I'm not, that was okay, that was on the challenge, wasn't looking that cute.


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[Assistant] Somewhere I'm older there, I'm 28 there. But yea, around that time. Okay, so, anywhoodles.


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[Assistant] For some reason I'm intrigued. He's not American, so maybe I've got this.


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[Assistant] We're in another country, we're walking around, and I think the reason I'm saying that is because it lends itself to like, doing things that normally aren't in your-


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[Assistant] You know, you're like, what's the big deal? I'm not, this is not me. I'm so and so. I'm in a different place. So we go up, we're walking through the city and like, he's buying me stuff.


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[Assistant] You know, like, I see a silly hat with cat ears. I'm broke. And he's like, I'll get that for you.


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[Assistant] And I'm like, cool, like, the first item's cool, and then it's like, oh, I want, you know, this other silly thing, and oh, yeah, sure, here you go, and I...


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[Assistant] I didn't like him, like as the date wore on, I was kind of like, you know, I don't think this is really me, I'm trying this on, this isn't me.


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[Assistant] And like, I remember the gross feeling when he walked me back to my hotel of like, ooh, but you bought me this stuff.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I remember I wanted to give those items back to him immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't. And I, nothing happened with this gentleman.


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[Assistant] No, nothing, nothing. I swear to God, I swear in our children's eyes nothing happened. I was not interested in him.


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[Assistant] But just, just that gross feeling of like being a little girl and having daddy buy you stuff felt so.


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[Assistant] Gross to me that, that, that power dynamic is so vast, vastly off.


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[Assistant] He, I think he was expecting, yes, some, some kind of exchange for, for the, for the night. You know? And I was, I was like, mm, okay, good night, goodbye. And I wanted to run upstairs immediately and just be like, ugh, like you're, you're so old. You got that beautiful mouth.


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[Assistant] So what you're saying is she's setting goals, she's going after them, she's a go getter.


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[Assistant] No farts, and I was so upset because of COVID I wasn't allowed to go up with you. And I was so looking forward to hearing those initial farts. Now let me ask you one question. You said that you were in a recovery area with different patients. Had all of those people had colonoscopies as well?


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[Assistant] Because I could imagine the embarrassment or the thrill of being in that curtain, you know, next to someone who just had a colonoscopy and how funny it would be to be laying there and hear somebody


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have colonoscopy farts. I think that would be something I would pay money to experience because that would be pretty funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they find any items in your colon? For instance, they look and they go, oh, there's a lot of seeds in here. You've been eating a lot of, uh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did too. I-I remember you saying that. You're like, I'm just so thankful that I can eat whenever I- Yeah, yeah. I actually thought about that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, thank god I'm not Moslem Ramadan. They do that for like a long time. Hours. They fast from sun up till sun down. You get to eat that meal iftar. When you break your fast at night. It's terrible, it's very hot too.


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[Assistant] I know, but it's terrible. Okay. It would be hard. I couldn't do it.


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[Assistant] And then he goes, nah, I'm too fat already. Like he, he had reasoned through it, which was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is horrible. Can chiropractors chime in on this please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Okay, well let's, okay, let's think this through. Maybe there was no snot in it, like maybe he just did a wipe. Oh, I got you. No boogies. What is up with Giuliani lately? And then the hair dye meme that was passed around? The hair dye was real crazy. That was wild. He's just not on his game.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you another thing that I didn't tell you this though. It's those seguras know how to shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it's pleasurable, right? Cause you're like, Oh my God, there's so much there. So wait a minute. You mean to tell me that you ate enough to replenish what was in your intestines in like 24 hours. Basically you created enough. Well, here's the truth.


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[Assistant] You're smart. It's like your sex in the city. It is. It's what women, we like, uh, the storylines between Big and Aiden, and what is she wearing, and the shoes, and then you guys are like, let's fucking blow up these Russians and the submarine, but also the hunt for Red October. Listen here, Ruski. Yeah.


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[Assistant] There's that, that, that good stuff of America. We're fighting for democracy, we're fighting the Reds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the other one? The Timothy Treadwell? Treadstone? Oh yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this Jack Ryan thing was great. If I didn't fall asleep so much, I would watch that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, dad toilet books that were war oriented, like my dad had the house on Garibaldi Street, hold on, in the shitter, and like a 500 page book about the Holocaust, like the Third Reich, it would be like, he loved to read about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Hitler's nothing, okay? Stalin killed more people than Hitler did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. The Jews, the gypsies, the mentally retarded were killed in the holocaust.


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[Assistant] My dad's want to relive the trauma of that event. Like it's so traumatic war in that whole time. Like my dad always tell me stories about being 10 years old during the revolution and the Russians came through and this is where I saw


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[Assistant] A soldier dead. This is where I picked up a grenade. I was 10 years old. I played with a grenade. This is where we picked up machine guns and the snow and like,


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[Assistant] They love to relive the drama. What about you? Israeli dad talk about war a lot?


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[Assistant] You know, my grandmother, I got to ask her questions about stuff when I was a teenager and I was like, so did you know that the Holocaust was going on? Did you know that they were killing Jews in these camps?


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[Assistant] She's like, yeah, of course, everybody knew. We just kind of, uh, you know, we just didn't say nothing.


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[Assistant] I remember that day we were making lemonade. My grandmother and I were making lemonade.


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[Assistant] And I was like, so wait, you guys knew? And she's like, yes, but you know, you could smell it in the air, the smell of people burning and what could we do? What could we do? You just, you know.


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[Assistant] It is where she was like, yeah, we knew, but you know, hm, what could we do? I think because also back then they were so harsh, like you guys are, you know, back in the day, it's a harder culture.


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[Assistant] My father wouldn't buy Eric an air conditioner in the house. Instead he would buy us. Here in Los Angeles. Here in LA. We grew up in the San Fernando Valley. It was hot as balls. He would get the swamp cooler.


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[Assistant] In our ta- and she'd be sitting at the kitchen table and she would go, look, I am cool. You are all hot. I am cool. I'm wearing the wet bathing suit.


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[Assistant] Can you imagine? And she knocked her tooth out one time when she was visiting us from Hungary and she crazy glued it back in. And she's fine, it works, it's fine.


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[Assistant] When he did a titanic on king of the world, which is 90 something. It's embarrassing.


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[Assistant] You got excited for something, and I was like, ah, it's good to see you happy like that. I dunno. I dunno. Talk about the Holocaust.


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[Assistant] Well you think about the amount of money he's spending to store all this stuff.


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[Assistant] I mean, the whole house is full. That looks like a whole floor of the house.


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[Assistant] That's a good tagline at least. And remember, always be comfortable.


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[Assistant] Whether you're camping in the woods or at a backyard get together, there is nothing like a roaring fire to bring you back to what matters. Gene, is there any better memory of sitting around a fire and telling stories or-


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[Assistant] I love solo stove for this reason. Solo stove that gets delivered to your door. It's just in a box about what? Yea big. You take it out. You set it up. Boom. Easy peasy. Lemon squeezy. You got a fire in your backyard. You can take it.


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[Assistant] Camping, take it with you anywhere. It's so easy to start the fire.


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[Assistant] Uh, the cleanup is minimal, you just have a little bit of ash, and there's not a lot of smoke. I mean, that's one thing that's kind of a bummer about traditional fires.


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[Assistant] No one needs a reason to gather around the fire. Solo Stove just took away any reason not to. And now you can get $10 off when you use promo code mom at checkout. Just go to solostove.com. And remember you get $10 off when you use our promo code mom.


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[Assistant] I live life 365. That's what I do. I live life 365.


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[Assistant] You know I have to just quickly discuss that your post vasectomy is wonderful.


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[Assistant] And also I tried out Leanne's beege technique on you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you guys want to hear that, it's on where my mom's at. Leanne came on last time and discussed her winning beach technique that she does on Burt.


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[Assistant] And I tried it on Tom, and now you guys are like... Beach Brothers, is that what it'd be called?


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[Assistant] Are you gonna talk about it with Bert? Sure. Be like, oh, now I know what you get.


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[Assistant] Four days. I saw this a while ago and like I think about it at least once a day. It's the POV shot of him hovering over you. Shirtless.


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[Assistant] Right, so that's what's layer two of the creepiness is that


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[Assistant] That part is the, the play acting and then that. I mean, look, the whole thing about the, about the king.


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[Assistant] Look, we get it, you're just, he's just trying to get laid, and that's a noble...


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[Assistant] There has to be artifice. Like you, you have to have...


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[Assistant] That's why men pick up guitars and play in bands to attract the girls. You know, you can't just be like,


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[Assistant] Hey, are you over 18? Show me your tits. There has to be-


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[Assistant] Just some, yeaah, just some kind of, put on a show.


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[Assistant] Well, it's why men have built civilizations and become proficient in many different things to entice the woman. Competency is very attractive. Dr. Drew and I have talked about this on Dr. After Dark, that women are attracted to skills.


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[Assistant] Well, especially because you know what I like is that he does provide a surrogate boyfriend experience to all his queens. He's like, how was your midterm? You're gonna do fine.


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[Assistant] That's correct, Tom. Uhm, it's much like the consumer advocacy show Fight Back with David Horowitz. Can I tell you something? This is just like that.


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[Assistant] Gotcha. You're not fucking me over, man.


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[Assistant] This is, this is, this is an asshole that dyes their dog 500 different colors. Both dogs are like tie-dyed. And I think it's so ridiculous. It's totally ridiculous.


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[Assistant] It's such a dick move. This dog does not want to be tie-dyed. I hate when people mess with animals. So that really bothered me. I just thought it was silly. I thought you'd be more-


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[Assistant] Well, I just wanted you to know in case one of our sons comes to us with this discussion, you'll know what the template is, the correct way to have a discussion with your kids about their pronouns. Do you know how to talk to Alice about?


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[Assistant] His pronouns, or Julian. Julian's all two and a half. He's gonna decide pretty soon what his gender preference is. You know? We talk to them about it every day.


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[Assistant] I'm pooping. I know. Finish. And then tell me your pronouns, stupid. What are you? And then I ask, it takes time, then I have to ask him consent to change his diaper. It's a whole thing, babe. Do you want to be a good parent or not? You gotta get on board.


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[Assistant] Could you imagine showing this shit to your dad?


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[Assistant] Did you know that at Ellis's Kindergarten, on the applications, they're like, what's his gender, male, female, or non-binary? They already ask in Kindergarten.


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[Assistant] I don't, I don't. I have tried, like I used to take him to this baby play class, and they would encourage gender neutral toys, and I remember they were giving Ellis Barbies and such, and he would be like, what's that thing? And then he would just, he wanted nothing to do with it, and nobody persuaded him either way.


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[Assistant] This is a real Islamic lesson. I'm sorry, Islamic leeson for wife beating. Quran verse 4.


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[Assistant] I told you not to leave that, try it. I told you not to leave the house without asking permission. That's no biggie.


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[Assistant] Man, he's got, he dresses up fancy and he'll go to like the yarn store and do these silly little things. He's just, he's fancy.


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[Assistant] Is at the king above, or the king of queens above 18, or the king challenge, or fucking something.


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[Assistant] Anyways, this chick, obviously like you said, doesn't have no idea who he is. She was just shopping and he just sidled up to her. Cause she's like, what?


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[Assistant] I'm on your talk. I'm on the king's thing, whatever page.


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[Assistant] Like, he's showing you what he's got. He's got a cool apartment. He's got some pots on the ceiling. He wears his boxer shorts. He can rock a tank top.


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[Assistant] It's so bad and the angle's terrible, the lighting's terrible, I mean it's just got all the elements.


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[Assistant] Because I will tell you, he's made follow-up talks, I don't know if they're on this bad-


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[Assistant] Unhelpable, if that's a word. Whatever. Hopeless. Yeah, like he's...


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[Assistant] Holy shit. Yeah, there's a whole new lane on TikTok. It's called Cartel.


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[Assistant] Cartel talks? Yeah. The drug cartels. Now I put this one because I need you to translate. I'm not quite sure what's happening here, Tom.


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[Assistant] Yo, there's a bunch of cartel talks right now. They've really gone up and prison.


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[Assistant] Uh, Cartel is crazy on it. They're showing like planes landing, cooking drugs.