[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usher wasn't the thong song guy, right? That was- No, that was Sisko. Right. I wonder if he also is in the same boat where he has a human suit on. Sisko.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usher, oh, Usher is not a lizard person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, well, okay, so what does he need then for the revolution to work? Because who's, who's involved already?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not saying don't pay any attention. It is important to, to pay attention to it and to, to try to do things or whatever. But like uhm, you know, whether you know or not, what, what are you going to really do about it? What, what can you do about it? You like, what can, what can one person do about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of this stuff really is pretty insignificant though. Like, even if everybody did it, it would still be pretty insignificant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, uh, I'm not saying like, oh, well let's see. I'm, I'm not, uh, I'm not being like fickle about it. Like I am concerned about it. Like the, the, the science and, and everything, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It changes your view. But the changes that people are talking about, I can't make any of those changes. I can make some personal changes, but I mean, good for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But ultimately, I don't think that even doing my absolute best is gonna make an ounce of difference whatsoever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People have said to us, this is how you can live, this is what you should do, these are the things that you should buy, this is the way that you should, these are, you know, these are the things you can do to pay your bills and stuff. And we do it, right? Like, what else are we gonna do? Like, we've been brought up in this society.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By our parents who did it, by their parents who did it as well. And now it's like, okay, but uhm, can you help out? And can you, uh, can you reverse catastrophic climate change? Well, no, I don't know how to do that, sorry. I can't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, try not to buy plastic bags for 70p. Bring your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't take the top off a McDonald's cup and drink a drink without a straw, it's too flimsy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know about the Dune expansion, but there is an expansion coming out for Flight Simulator which adds missions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, uh, and stuff to do. And rescue missions as well. There's gonna be like, uh, you know, like air ambulances and stuff. You can go, you can go out to like the Alps and rescue people. Uhm, there's gonna be like cargo delivery and stuff. So it'll be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that'll be more exciting than the Dune DLC, the other one. Wait for the other one. I'd say skip the Dune DLC and just wait for the other one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, the latest flight sim is spectacular. If you fly to Norway or you fly over Hong Kong and stuff, oh my god, it's so beautifully rendered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The new one is great. Yeah, early on there's some cities they didn't but it's been out for long enough now where they've just gradually been adding more and more and more to it. Do I have to pay for it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think New York, when the game launched, New York was like pretty much done. Like they spent a lot of time on some of like the really big iconic cities. Sadly London wasn't one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, but I mean, I think it's just the actual, the amount of work involved in the task. It was always going to be something that was going to be sort of trickled out after launch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. No, I think the, I think, I think if you have to pay for anything, usually the DLC models for, uh, flight sim are just new planes, types of planes and, uh, and, and any big sort of like system overhauls as well. Like, uh, you know, like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let us know if you want Pirian to teach you how to suck eggs as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You currently are the, where are you, you're the 20th biggest fundraiser. Sweet! God, that's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, no, out of thousands of people who're raising money. Oh, right, okay. I was gonna say, holy crap. There's a few who've done better than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? How have you been hustling? Have you done anything special? Have you been in a bath of beans? Have you done anything stupid? Have you had your head shaved? No. Why, have other people done that? Well, no, but that's the tradition, isn't it? You know, when people raise money for charity, they do silly things. They go and do a bath of beans. They tend to do a lot of running. A lot of people do a lot of running for charity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not a fan of the run. Do you know what I mean? I can't get behind the run. I don't like running. Shit. I hate running. I hate running. I've spoken about this before, when I don't like people's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna get healthy and you're gonna give money to charity, thing. I was watching, uh. Gonna eat vegetables every day for two weeks, uh, for charity, guys. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Push him away. Get away. Fuck off. Well no, because this is happening in the middle of night while you're sleeping. I know, but you just go down there and you push him away. Like, then again, there is this paralysis. I had a nightmare last night, which was, I woke up, and I was convinced that I'd heard my front door open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? And I was like, oh my god, is someone downstairs? Cause you know, the stupid stuff goes through your head, you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, is it, is it just someone, is it just someone coming in late going in the wrong door? Is it someone in the corridor just leaning on the door? Cause I left it open. Did I leave it open? Is it a fan? Or did they follow me? Did they get my address? Do they know my address? Oh my god. What was your first reaction?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what, I was thinking just now, uhm, one of the best streams that we did in Jingle Jam was, uhm, although what I enjoyed the most was the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Oh yeah. That was a great stream. That was a good one. So I wanted to, uhm, I thought we could do a little quiz, cause I normally do a little quiz with my family on Christmas. Do it bud, quiz up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll flip a coin, to see who gets to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you ready? Yes. Uh, right, Sips and period, one of you say heads or one of you say tails. Heads. Uh, you lose. Pflats. Hooray! So Sips, you can start. Uh, would you like- Congratulations, Sips!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, would you like, uh, you've got a choice of categories. So pick a category. Entertainment, celebrity, books and literature, history, geography, science, music, movies, TV, animals, sports and leisure, food or technology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, fine TV trivia, give it to me. Alright, sure. Okay. Which popular 90s TV show featured actor Kalista Flockhart? Uh, it was Ali McBeal. It was Ali McBeal. One point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, you'll go, P-Flex. I'll take, I'll take movie trivia, why not. You'll take movies. You're taking movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you'd like, I don't mind. In what movie... I bet I can be really good help. ...was asked at the phrase, you had me at hello. Oh, that was, um, Jerry Maguire. It was, oh my goodness, you guys are... Oh my god, that's a really good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, next, next one. No hate, no hate. Sips, pick a category. Oh, I can't do the same one? Oh, shit. No. Oh wait, so are those ones crossed off now? They are, but if we run out, we'll let you do them again. But there's only thirteen categories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the answer is Jordan. Uh, Johnny Depp notably modelled Jack Sparrow, his memorable character from Pirates of the Caribbean, after which rock guitarist?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wow. I don't even know my blood type. Geez. Didn't know these answers. You guys are killing it. This is competitive, it's two all. You don't even know your blood types. I keep forgetting mine as well. Mine's like C++ or something, I'm not sure. Right, no, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is after this jingle jam, P Flexi, man, you guys have been drinking. Good grief.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He drank an entire bottle of rum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I bought him a really expensive bottle of rum for Christmas, and he drank it ALL during the Civ Stream. The whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a machine. Don't ever try and do that. I would be hospitalized if I did that. I did help, to be fair. And he gave a bit to Spiff and Potato, but my god, it was still an insane amount of alcohol. Right, next up, Sips, what you got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, en-en-entertainment. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. You got, uhm, the 1988 movie Mystic Pizza. Yeah. Launched the career of what pretty woman? Oh, Julia Roberts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's not, uh, not as hard as you thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friend called Piglet, it'll be something like that. Actually, it is, the Da Vinci Code opens with a murder in which museum? Of the Louvre? It is, it is the Louvre, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a hard one. How many legs does a lobster have? Uhm, it's got, I feel like it has six? I'm sorry, the correct answer is ten. Fuck. That is the first question we've had wrong on this quiz. So that is a, that's... This is devastating. I don't know if I would've known that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, cool. Geography, sure. Uhm, where? Oh, okay, this was too tricky. Which Italian


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six legs and two clamps, surely. Where is the coldest place on Earth, and I need a compass direction as well?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The eastern antarctic plateau is at the south pole, is it? Well, I guess. I don't think it is, is it? Oh, I dunno. Just to the east of it. Oh, it does include the region of the geographic south pole. Ohhhh. So... Can you get like half a point for that? I'm gonna give you half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, Bud. Or for technology, eh, Bud? I love my technology, Bud. This is a, this is a difficult question, but apparently this is the derailser. What is the meaning of the FN button on your computer keyboard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is the function button, yes. Well done. You got it. We got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Will you? Alright, well, okay. So, I would like to know the name of the stadium where the first Olympics was held.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, sure. I can help you with this one. Okay, thanks. Well no, you can't, you can't, it's not how this works, you can't just step in and help out. Which Minnesota town- Oh, come on. Fuck me. Come on, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, halfway point, sips you on five, pflacks you on four and a half, sick. And hopefully I'll be keeping track right, if not, there'll be a revolt in the triforce reddit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This Christmas, when you give someone a gift, you want them to enjoy it immediately. There's no long setup, or batteries required, or assembly that makes anyone frustrated. There's so many reasons that I love aura frames. But honestly, like, the quick setup might be my favourite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I set mine up out the box. You start by downloading the Aura app for free, which takes no time to get the frame ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you can set it to your wifi and get pictures uploading immediately. All your grandparents have to do is unbox the frame and plug it in. Super simple. Wirecutter called it the best digital picture frame. It's such a great gift, even for the most tech unsavvy people in your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Round two, I didn't actually keep track, but you're gonna now answer the questions from the categories that your opponent picked. That's round two? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you get to answer for movies twice, I guess. Alright. So, originally, Sips, you picked TV? Yes. Is that where we started? Yes. Uhm, PFLAX. Yeah. Who won the first season of America's Next Top Model?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' hell. Uh, then what did you pick? I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, sips. In what year was the first Batman comic book published? And I will take, uh, five years left and right. Oh man. So, what year was the first Batman comic book published? 1965.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, Sips took entertainment, so P-Flax, you're gonna have to do that. Okay, hit me. Whitney Houston went to the top of the music charts in 1992, with which Dolly Parton song? I can help you, Flax, you want some help?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that puts, uh, PFLAX ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actor Nicolas Cage is a nephew, nephew of what famous director?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What colour is a giraffe's tongue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He definitely was. Alright, uhm, what are the first names of the five brothers in the Jackson Five? Oh, this is an interesting one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So, uh, Piri, no, Sips, you're on, you did technology, and you also did food, didn't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need to do sports and leisure, yeah. Okay. Who was the highest paid athlete in 2022? So last year, not this year. Who was the highest paid athlete last year? Uh, it's Messi, Messi. It is Lionel Messi. Yeah, I knew it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is the Carolina Reaper, well done. Very confidently answered. Very good. You're back on top, well you're not, you're half a point behind, but don't worry, cause Sipsnow has to answer another question. I think he has to do geography? Oh yeah, geography.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which Italian town is the setting


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a good guess. Oh, just a very quick, uh, very quick question for both of you. No points, of course. Which state is known as the Badger State? Uhm... Which state is known as the Badger State? One of our favourite states? Wisconsin. It is Wisconsin. Thank you so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was for fun. That was just to flex a little. Half a point behind, P-Flex. You've gotta fuck your ideas up. So, how many we got left? Books and literature, who did that before?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Flax's turn to answer though, isn't it? Oh, is it? Oh yeah, you're right, it is. Celebrity trivia, here we go. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm terrible at this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, which Oscar-winning actor was a cast member on the 70s show The Electric Company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't think you were gonna get that. Well done. God. Well done. So, next question, Sips. Uh huh. Yes. Which is the largest bone in the human body? Uh, it's the femur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I can't really give a, I can't really give it without, unless you want me to give a little hint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are there any more rounds left that we haven't duplicated? Yes, I think there are. Science. You haven't done science have you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll give you a clue, the movie has the year that the iPod came out in it. 1984. 1985.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, am I thinking of the even smaller one? There was one which was literally an inch


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll pick a category. I'll take music, please. Alright, your prize is you get to answer questions about music. Yes! That's amazing. Which 1950s crooner...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys were really impressive with your trivia knowledge, actually. Well, we're old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were thinking of, cause we were thinking of doing The Chase this year, instead of uhm, that was the original plan. Right. It would be, you know how that, the format of that TV show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bradley. Bradley Walsh. Bradley Walsh is awful. He is. He is. He is, truly. But, that's, you know, what do you do? He knows what he... He's been doing these fucking quizzes forever, hasn't he? He used to do Wheel of Fortune back in the day. It's his whole life he's been doing daytime quiz shows. He was on EastEnders for a while, wasn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the chase, basically, the six expert professionals, and you have to answer questions, but you sort of get an idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, no, but that's like a basic one, isn't it? It's like, oh, this guy looks like, uh, he likes, he knows a lot about, you know, music, cause he's, uh, you know, got a Metallica t-shirt on or whatever, so I won't ask him questions about that, I'll ask someone else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's chaotic. It's gone. Poor bastards. People are just obsessed with, uh, fucking the bear in, um, Baldur's Gate, although they got their, um, they got their account banned, Larian got their account banned on TikTok when they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not an incredible event. It's been an incredible two weeks, honestly, Jinkle Jam. Uh, exhausting, of course, but also, like, just, just really fun. Lots of nice people, lots of guests, lots of people coming down. You're still in the office, P-Fax, today. I am here in the office. You're going home tomorrow? Tomorrow. And I'm starving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we'll go out and get a burger together, shall we, that'd be nice. There's so much to do, so many streams I haven't watched or haven't caught up on, so many games to play, like, from the games collection. Overall it's been absolutely awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brilliant, oh, so good, thank you for taking the special time to go on this podcast today. We may not have a podcast over Christmas, but we'll see if we can find some time in our schedules to get one for you. Yes. Our busy schedules. Thank you, thank you very much, Otto. We'll see you all next week. Merry Christmas! Goodbye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the only reason they found out, was cause of- cause of that stupid- Stupid- You know when you go to like, um, some other- some other places and you see, um...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, yeah. This is the other thing. We talked a lot on this podcast about being old and getting old, and one of the things that has happened, one of the things that does happen when you get old is you get scared of all the new shit coming along, you're like, ugh, this isn't, this isn't like how it was, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of the things that I'm obviously scared of is AI, uhm, and how, you can see how quickly it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the AI art thing was a big deal, but now I'm seeing like AI movies, I saw this clip this week of this lady who was doing like, um, like talking to camera or whatever, and they just like dubbed over her, but the AI could change her lips and the way her face moved, and like her whole everything about, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you could imagine how AI could just, first of all just replace actors with fake version, but then second of all just make that into any language, like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, put any words in anyone's mouth, it's so kind of frightening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The technology, the way it's going, right? And it is kinda weird, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not necessarily the fear isn't the robots taking over, right? It's not like I'm worried about them becoming sentient, although that is a thing that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they're listening. Oh, they probably are listening. When you move into the future, the fears, the reality is different to the sci-fi ideals, ideas that you think, you know, you're hoping it's gonna be this thing, and it's actually this thing. I think disinformation and that is the big frightening thing, right, the idea of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, do you know what, if I was the guy working that shift, or that time, and I saw a big bag of flies come through, I'd be like, no, just go away. Like, nope. You're good, mate, thanks. Oh, this guy's got a cool camera, let's have a look at that, you know. I mean, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm honestly surprised having seen, like, those Australian border police shows, like, they don't let through, like, you know, someone's sandwich, let alone a fuckin' bag of forks of flies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Don't use the loo. This has happened routinely to me and my friends as well. Look, I sympathise with that poor man. Sometimes you can't hold it. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes people might have health issues, or they might, like, be- It's that busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They might have eaten the curry the night before, that's just really, really key to not be in them anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is so funny, the idea that this is like a mass transit system. It's the same thing in India. You know, well, the trains still, like, it's, they don't recommend you, as a tourist, go anywhere near the trains, because they are like a death trap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, multiple people die every day on the Indian railways, y'know, just being pushed on the rails or crushed to death in the carriages, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the thing is, like, if you have a fine experience it doesn't get reported, right? How can it get worse? I'm not defending trains, but I think trains are the most carbon efficient way to travel, certainly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this is the nature of capitalism and profit for profit services, right? Like, they just push it and push it and push it until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It breaks, right? Like dollar stores, right? I watched a John Oliver thing about dollar stores, and obviously they're a terrible problem because of various things, but he was sort of focusing on how they've kind of just cut costs so much that they have like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, this is capitalism in a nutshell, right? Like, they're making billions of dollars of profits, but they can just, they just push, and push and push.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the entire fucking system, what is the end game? This is it though, this is how our society's been built over the last 200 years though, all of that stuff you said has been going on forever, it's not a new thing, it's not suddenly happening, this is how everything has worked since ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because they've just found that that's the natural progression and natural evolution to make the most money. Like, and it's just, and it's worked, and it's, and they don't realise that they're exploiting it, and I'm sure, you know, if any reasonable person found out, or does know, they feel bad about it. Of course they know! But there's, there's kinda no one in charge, right? This is why so many psychopaths end up leading companies, Fortune 5000 companies,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they're the people who can make these, these immoral decisions, right? They don't care. You know, it's like, what's going to make us the most money? I'll dump it all in the river or, you know, or make, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who cares, like, they rise to the top, because they don't have any qualms about, kind of, doing-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make things better than we do now. It only goes so far. The greed only takes you so far, and then, you know, it all falls apart. That's the other thing, is capitalism is overreaching greed to the point where it destroys itself over and over again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's three overlapping, like, fuckin' beeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of this depends on a lot of factors, right? And it mostly depends on...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two real bad accidents, right? MH, uhm, the one which went missing and then the one which got shot down over Ukraine. They were like fine for like 50 years and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sort of rebooted it, right? And one of the things that Malaysia Airlines have is they have like the only flight from Europe to Kuala Lumpur, right? It's like London to Kuala Lumpur. Like direct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is something which they, they have a monopoly on, right? And so they can kind of charge whatever they want. And as a result, you know, and also certainly for customers who aren't what they call price sensitive, a lot of people aren't price sensitive, they will pay whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is sometimes why tickets on trains and other things are so expensive because at certain times and certain days they can charge ludicrous prices and people will pay them. And, you know, if you're paying, you know, if you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the factors are like, busyness. If it's really, really busy, these, these, these guys have embraced technology to understand that, yes, we will charge, we're on a busy day, so people don't have such a bad experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it sucks, you know, if you pay a lot to go on a day, and it's shitty and busy, you're like, god, I paid loads AND it's busy, sometimes those two things are linked, right? Like, it's not always, like, just gouging and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being scummy, like, I think it is a lot of that, but it is also, like, the modern world we live in, you know? Like, if you book in advance, if you try it a different time or a different day, sometimes, you know, if you want to go on holiday at half-term, the flights are double, at least.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? They just are. Because loads more people wanna go, and they know they can charge it. Um, that's just how it works. I'm, you know, I'm kind of lucky that I don't have a family where I can't go on holiday any other time, because I save half price holidays. Do you know what I mean? It literally is. Anyway, let's move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's why, that's why when you're, this has happened to me a lot, you know, a train will be late, um, and then the train after it, that was what I'm gonna get, is then cancelled, right? Because that first train was late, I guess it would have made that train late, it would have made every train late after it. That must be why there's so many cancellations. Yes, yeah, yeah. Cause they're like, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did watch another John Oliver thing about freight trains. Yeah, I saw that. Complaining about those, which was amazing in America, and how, you know, again, it's just corporate hunger for money. Yeah, they're fucking awful. And not, like, maintaining


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that was a bit of an abrupt end. Holy crap, that is, uh, that's our podcast, that's our mailbag. Watch, please don't- I'm filling in for P-Flexey, but please do not email in any further questions about trains. No, I agree. We never want to speak-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the official Turlip Hurt Boys podcast coming at you. It's episode what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's how alcoholics usually start their day, with their fucking crazy-ass drink like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who do you think is gonna win that fight? If it was actually, uh, 57. If it was, uh, is he only 57? Jake Paul, he's fighting Jake Paul. Jake Paul is 57. No, Jake Paul's not 57.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Based on science, based on size, and based on my point of view, because that's all I've seen my whole life, due to the circumstances of my stature, uh, I am, I am a boob man. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've used Nibla Eye. Yeah, so I am, I'm pretty much the doctor of the areola.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, I like to even, uh, give you demonstration. There's the dime. This is the dime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, pretty much all the ones that come up right now are Canadian bacon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just individually. Ball. As a group I think it was the closer with the water. With the balls?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm going to stop it too. I'm not saying it's bad because it's not. It's, it is, it is pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's downbeat, yeaah, I think you set the tone, I think you set the downbeat tone, cause whilst your original jingle was tuneful, I agree with Lewis, it wasn't punchy enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, and what was, what was like the general consensus?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, eggs is like a, it's, it's not like a very straightforward one. Like I think that there, there's definitely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Situations like where you could still justify it and it's maybe still cruel but not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, applications of animal products and buy, buy products and stuff, right? Yeah. I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think eggs, you could probably, um, you know, still feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it needs it, but I think just a sprinkle on top sometimes, depending, I think it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, what about people that put sugar on their cereal? That always... Well, what cereal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck me. Holy crap. Last night, I got a, I, I, I've got this, uh, I've got some,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Multiple, multiple times. It's not like I'm out of breath or anything like that, I just- just very loudly snoring, like it was insane. And then my wife was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my, uh, my wife like maybe an hour after we went to sleep, she was like, I woke up cause like I was like lightly sleeping anyway and waking myself up with the snoring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's kind of peering over me and she's like, are you actually serious? And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you're joking, right? I was like, no, what do you mean? I was sleeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some painkillers, which are quite nice actually, but still some degree of pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's like a, probably a bit of a stronger dose, which, uh, and, but not strong enough to, um, send me into, uh, potential cardiac arrest because the previous times where I've had, uh, like high dosages of, uh, codeine, my, uh, my, uh, I don't take well to it. I, I don't like, it doesn't agree with me at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like doubled over, it felt like I had like a vice on my chest, like it was crushing. God is terrifying. Fuck, I know it's nuts. You spend your whole life thinking, fuck, I'm invincible, and then you reach the age of 27 and you're just like, man, I'm fragile. What's wrong with me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are single player experiences. We're talking about going out of your way to get actual people banned from a game, who are just joining games with the intention of playing them the way they're meant to be played. I mean, this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the people I feel sorry for. I mean, if, if, if, if somebody, if, if those guys that you got banned were also doing the shit that you guys were doing, then, you know, fair enough, I guess. No, they were not. The circle of life. But like, if you, if you're just getting random people banned who are just logging on just to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to have a character that I can pretend to be, if you like. Rather than just be myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I usually, I honestly, for the most part, my characters will be female. And I, I still subscribe to the, uhm, to the idea, like, in WoW. If you're looking at the back of a character, I just wanna look at some ass, you know? Like, for nine hours a day. Yeah, I don't wanna look at some dude's ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll take the chrome right off your hitch. It really will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like it's like a, like a kind of a gardening job, right? Like it feels like it's like a lawn, like a lawn care gardening kind of maintenance job with some other little bits and pieces thrown in, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta like sell the plots, you gotta go for the hard sell sometimes. Yeah, we got five wing plots left, you can expect about 63% sun during the day on these plots, and a really nice view of the church building and the field in the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always feel like it's just like, you know, when you, when you're super tired and you just fall asleep randomly, but like you're out cold sort of thing, it's got to just be like that, right? So one minute you're there and the next minute you're not. And hopefully when you're going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's it, but people are imagining, the thing I think they're scared of is they're imagining darkness, but they're imagining being conscious for that darkness, but it's obviously not. You're just, you, you just don't exist anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's terrifying to think that, you know, the people that you, you love and stuff and the effect that it would have on them and you won't get to see, um, people again and, and all that kind of stuff. But at the same time, you are just, uh, non-existent anymore. So like you, you'll never feel that pain beyond while you're alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would still feel like you wanted to, like, feed it and take care of it, even though you would not have to, y'know? Who's going for the horse? If it's immortal, like, you could just, you could really just neglect it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No matter how many times you spin it with the bullet inside, the bullet will always end up at the bottom because it's heavier. So as long as I let him go first, which he so graciously offered to do, I know I have nothing to worry about. Well, I'll be damned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, I've never had a Guinness before. I'm aware of what they are. I've just never felt compelled to even try one. So I've just never had one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just not a very big drinker, honestly. Like if I go out, I'll have a beer or, you know, I'll have a couple of ciders, but I don't, I don't go like crazy, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even really order, when I order beer, I don't even order it by name. I just say like, oh, can I just have a pint? And then they just give me something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, it doesn't sound like a fun, fun existence. It sounds, it actually just sounds like somebody who is hell bent on sucking the fun out of everything at any cost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a weird mentality though to, to, to truly believe that all of these horrible things are gonna happen and then not really make the most of it while things are still, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like, I don't know, like I don't, I don't understand, I'm not a psychologist, I don't understand the psychology behind it, but it has to be rooted in some weird form of mental illness, right? Like this obsession with-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, these people aren't migrating off grid on mass and, uh, and really sticking it to everybody. Like it's, it's, it's, it's just laughable. It's just, it's a, it, they're time wasters, massive, massive time wasters. Like they're not even worth talking to. It's just a complete waste of time. It's stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe he's very aware of it and this episode is going to trigger him as he's like an embrace for having to speak to somebody about it again. You know, he's only just gotten over it. He checks in every once in a while to make sure that he's not being mentioned and stuff. You know, it's been years, like I'm off the hook. They haven't mentioned me and now all of a sudden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The doors are open again. The investigation's been restarted. It's open. Good lord. Oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music and stuff, if you send it to us and it's, uh, and it's original music, it's not at all copied. Um, you might hear it on here. It's possible. We have the technology, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fun, I mean, you never know what Mike's gonna do, so yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, uh, doing a lot of traveling, uh, stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was great. I mean, I've been to Hong Kong several times and also Thailand. So, uh, it's always good going back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Vern Troyer, uhm, we're doing, uh, like some original content, uh, like different skits here and there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm doing one in Bangor, Maine coming up, so that's close to Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good. Alright, so, did you get another motherfucker to say that shit? You just said it. Yea, but I said it like in italics, like, ju casa. I said it like a punchline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta like reclaim the word, dawg, you know what I'm sayin'? Start tellin' people that you fuck, and mean it in a good way, and see if it catch on, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, cause that name's taken, BITCH! What's the double J stand for? Is that your titty size?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? Like sometimes you can fire garbage in a dumpster. You know what I'm saying? And then they go and come collect. That's what happened to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Double J, you sound like you're trying to talk like me a little bit. Is that what you're doing, cuz?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, speaking of tiny arms, dog, you ever go to North Korea? See that mask?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That tiny-armed man with the Clooney haircut. Circa ER. That missile-firing bitch!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right in the hoo hoo. Just be like, there's a stick in. You know what I'm saying? Go from telling you like, there's a stick in. That's the stack up. The hoo hoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess technically as a mom I'd like to FWAH! MILF. MILF. So what's a gilf? A grandma I'd like to FWAH! Or a grandpa I'd like to FWAH! What's a gilf? A great grandmother I'd like to FWAH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What- What's your name is for real, Doug?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My game's tight, you know what I'm sayin'? Where you callin' from, Maffs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah! Western Western New York, like Rochester when it's candy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this, Ricky. There's a picture of raccoon on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cat things, but with a beaky nose. Yeah, that's Ricky's, what Ricky said. And you put it on a mug and you're selling it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ask Brandy? He could do that? The fuck would I ask him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, Kevin Bacon, if you happen to be watching this, would love to start a bacon company with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, see, nobody out there listening to this, please do not go and try to catch a turtle and stuff something into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But does that big thing come in a box? Or the pizza is the box?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See? Perfectly. Think so, do ya? I'm gonna watch. Think I'm walking around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on now, you don't think that appliances stink that when you kick them, do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you think it's consciously going, oh that son of a whore, he's gonna kick me is he? Like that type of thinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe Ricky, maybe there's something to what he's saying, maybe they are thinking a little too much. The censors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you pulled, if you pulled Bernie's little, you know, jungle man top down to there, he had a big, you know, boiler like Randy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that on the news. Somebody broke in and a kid blasted him with a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay Ricky, let's go uhm, let's go do something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My fucking start here. California's fucking losing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do that with your wiener, they dump out the insides, and they tuck her up inside there, sew her together, make a little thing. I mean, how many times have you pestered yourself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For pissing himself in the car. Like if he's on his back and he's got on underwear and pants and a shirt, that's a deciding foul. Yeah, you know what? I think I got enough on here to absorb her. I'm just gonna fuck piss right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was a person lully? What does lully, lully, lully chicken mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You magic fucking porky pig. That would be fucked, that would be fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recky thought it was a burger that got served on the wall. That's what he thought it was. Made by Merchy Merch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marky Mark was in one of the biggest pipe bands in the world. They marched all every parade you can name. Name the fucking parade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't done either. Tim Robbins birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a cheese alien came and said, I've got all the cheese you can imagine. Up in cheese land. Come with me, you would fucking head up to the cheese planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Leahy, drunk trailer park supervisor of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, severe alcoholic. Mr. Leahy, how you doin'?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to point out, when you arrived here, you were somewhat calm. I wasn't, I was upset. You were somewhat calm and respectful. Then you chugged almost three quarters of a quart of liquor, and now look at you, you're all fucking revved up, throwing things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a pretty good question, I wasn't expecting that. Does it make a different trick?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I heard him do was go, uuuh, and I turned around, and there he was, he must have did it in one leap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How drunk are you today, sir? I'm off liquor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he tried to tempt me with little lickermans, but I haven't had to be. In how long? About what, 20 minutes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you let it back in, there's parts of bottles of people's... Oh, so you didn't just have a big snap record there, that was just... No, it's a trick. Knock, knock! Who was there? Juno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Juno, do you know where I can get a little drinky poo around here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's it going, fuckers? It's Trailer Prep Boys, Podcash, coming at ya, right now. Number what? Number 26, maybe? 27? Who gives a fuck? Well, if you're gonna be getting fuckin'...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. I thought for sure you were- A jump year. The what? It could be a jump year and then it's not quite- A jump year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not fuckin' bad, boys. And this week so far I've only smoked 44 cigarettes, cause I had 2 packs, there's 15 a pack, 6 left, 44, I did the math right there. 200 left, so I gotta see how many I can smoke this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I can smoke 166 cigarettes this weekend, and I'll still be at my target of 200. And I probably won't smoke that many this weekend, so boys, I am getting fucking healthier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, what thing? Just the, uh, the healthier smoke thing, the device.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 44 Cigarettes! That's all I smoked this week, boys. That's amazing. Are you guys getting healthier?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're working towards it anyway. Wait now, you know what, boys? What? I think this is podcast number 25. Did we say 26?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well maybe you guys should let me do the math, cause obviously, I know what the fuck I'm doing these days with... Adrid-ters and uh... Adrid-ters. Adrid-ters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about, we can talk about a lot of things. One thing I want to talk about is I'm pretty impressed that I only had 44 smokes this week because it was a fucking tough week for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about? Fucking Grizzly Adams died, man. Oh man. It was a fucking big part of my up growing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got fried a lot though. From the hawks or whatever fucking bird it was. Unfried. Glenton fry from the eagles. He's dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys are like really experts on all this dance and stuff. It's okay if you like to dance. I like to dance a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't fucking look at me that way. I'm just teasing ya. Why don't we put on right now and you guys can fucking cut up your rugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's probably got way more songs about dancing than just them two, man. Is he a good dancer? Julian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone's doing something right, apparently. I swear I gave you these. Said you're doing a fucking great job, Rick. You have been doing a good job, Rick. What'd you guys get?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just a good thing, and also- But those cost him some fucking money, and they gave them to me. Boys, check this out. Your own vape pet. That's for you, bubs. All right. Jakasa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Bobz, here's a question for you, cause this was upsetting me all week, I couldn't sleep. Grizzly Adam's gone. So who the fuck's gonna look after Ben and the others?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck are you talking about? He died like fucking a decade ago, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, good. Who's looking after him is my point. You know what? Grizzly's brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't have a brother, you had a sister that fucked him over. He had a brother too, a half-brother dude. I think that bear is still alive. He is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna sleep tonight anyways, I'm smoking a shit ton of cigarettes, I'm getting shit-faced fucking drunk and stoned all night. It's fucking Friday, it's party time. I've been good all week. Well except for Tuesday. What happened Tuesday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This doesn't include bumming cigarettes, but I bum cigarettes all the time, so it's still, still the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have memory loss smokes? You might as well throw down at least 50 for that fucking... The only way I can keep track is I know how many I buy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well maybe instead of getting healthier, I'm saving money then. Is that what you want me to say? Well, I mean, no- When's the last time you bought smokes? Sunday. I bought two packs. Fifty cigarettes, and I still got six left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna keep that up, the entire fucking podcast. Maybe. The nominees for best dancer in a podcast. Alright, I'm not- Julian! So have fun doing this podcast without me, boys, cause I'm gonna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I almost never did a fuck another one after the way you acted last time, but here I am, trying to suck it up. Bubbles made me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I want to sponsor. I bet, I bet you the Oscar-winning company sponsored the first fucking awards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tosca Meyer in the Oscars. Just a statue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tyrone and D-Rock, they came by and fuckin', they had some good points. Fuck, it is fuckin' bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Sunday night. I don't fucking know, I don't always watch it, but we're gonna go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rip down all the satellite dishes and we're gonna cut the main cable feed into the Sunnyvale so nobody in the fucking park can watch. Fuck them. That'll teach them a lesson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they're on in a few weeks. It would take a lot longer than that, man. It's a big... The problem is gonna be hiding it. Hiding it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we just, everyone grabs a rope and pulls it over the whole fucking city. Just imagine like a small tarp but on a bigger scale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mark Damon. Brian Cranston. That was from... What movie was he in? Let me look it up. He is a good actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, he's the guy from Breakin'. Breakin' Bad. Yeaah. He's really good. Mark Damon's good too though. He's from the, uh, the MERS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I'm looking through, I've got pictures of everybody that's nominated. They're right, man. Oh, okay. It's fucking, it's horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see that one? Not that cocksucker from that fucking thing you were showing me. How to build a murderer. Wasn't our Fassbender in that fucking thing? How to build a murderer? What the f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking dirty cops are worse than fucking George Green. Dumber than George Green, which is hard to fucking believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I just go to show you, like, I thought about suing the cops here a few times. If I had of, they would have fucking framed me. I'd be in fucking jail forever. So I guess the learning lesson from that is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you should have from what you fucking acted on the stand. Anyway, that's neither there, nor there, nor round, chair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here or where around the chair? I forget how it fucking goes. Here or where around the chair?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, you know what, okay, getting back to the Academy Awards. What does that say, Eddie Anamame? Eddie. Who?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eddie Redmayne. Oh. Fuck. Your writing needs help. Now you're- Eddie Redmayne. Creating needs help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have to put your movie in to get nominated or do they just nominate it for the fucking shits and giggles of it all?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause maybe Stray Recon's like, fuck off, we're not even gonna put our movie in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, okay, let's, it's not about a color thing here though, but guys, it's like the best performance in a movie, and I think- True. You know, straight outta Compton, unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had his son on that too, yea. I did see that one. I heard that was fucked. But will he be good in the next one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also fucking nominated? Alright, hit me with them. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leonardo, I think so. Leo. Actress in leading role. Kate Blanchett.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Best actor in a supporting role? Give me the names, I'll pick them. Kristen Bale, Tom Hardy, Mark Ruffalo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mark Rylance or Sylvester Stallone. I'm going with fucking Rocky. He deserves it, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she's gonna take it. Alright, that's my prediction anyway. Ours. Alright, that was exciting. Wasn't that fucking amazing? You probably could have talked about this more closer to the awards. Yeah, probably should. Well, we'll just do it again. We're just getting, you know... I guess the Norman...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's impossible, cause not, I bet there's lots of offices where there's no fucking, people don't even have babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that what you said? There's like baby matter all over the fucken this coffee mug? It's all fecal. Fecal matter, Ricky. Fecal. It's shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, maybe they could say it contained poop, or if you- I would- I wouldn't even read this story. Oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucking disgusting. Well yea, people have to, you know, wash their hands more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scoochin' your hands down your pants and itchin' and scratchin' and grabbin', scoopin', and then you're what? You're gonna put in your own coffee or someone else's coffee?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poop piss there, I never thought about that. Unless maybe they have a poop and piss remover filter. So you're just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically blasting yourself with hot shit air. So next time we're at like a moose heads hockey game or something


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I make my own fucking cups. Fuck coffee cups full of shit and piss and vinegar. I'd hate to see what's on your cups, man. Why don't you just, why don't you make a new one? It's pretty new. Oh. Fifty-three weeks. I don't think you've ever


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The store factory fucking lighter caddy with, I think it usually holds 50 and there's gotta be, there's at least, there's 30 there for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. That's it. That's it for today's podcast. Smoke chicasa. We'll see you next week! Where did that come from, guys? I just downed that vodka and it gave me a fucking really good reaction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you turn those on? You said get everything ready. Where the fuck's Julian? You rolled so that we already started. Well, we, I don't know, they could just cut till, till now. No, I don't cut anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I smoked a nice little joint of hash. Had a little strip of honey oil down inside of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number, Halloween episode, and Halloween was last fucking week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except I wasn't around for Halloween because I got thrown in the drunk tank, which was total bullshit. You can't apparently piss in public anymore when you're downtown drinking at bars or they think it's not cool. You never could, Ricky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, then I got in a fight in the drop tag, I was in there for a few days, and I wanna still have fuckin' Halloween and even get to go fuckin' trick-or-treatin'. So we're havin' Halloween in fuckin' November, and we'll go trick-or-treatin' tonight as soon as we're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a French Mexican superhero, but I'm in disguise as a hot dog. Sneak attack.


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[Assistant] You can, because now everybody has all kinds of fucking candy from trick or treating from last week, so you pick a house that has like four fucking kids in it.


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[Assistant] They're gonna have all kinds of good shit. So go to the door. Were they gonna say no? They'd probably be scared of me. Definitely be scared of you.


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[Assistant] Well, then I'm gonna put a dare out to the fucking cops to fucking try to come over and take my candy tonight. See what happens.


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[Assistant] You're gonna threaten the police on the air, are ya? I'm not gonna threaten them. Say, look, I'm fuckin' goin' trick or treat and I missed the last week because you DICKS threw me in jail for pissin' in fuckin' public and then fuckin' kept me in the next couple days for a little tiny fight with four guys. Fuck off! Anyway, that's all I'm gonna say about that. Fuckin' cops sometimes, they just, they try to take the fun out of it.


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[Assistant] And I mean, I can't miss a fucking Halloween because it's what my dad always said.


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[Assistant] Yeah, remember I didn't want to go trick or treating once I got a little bit older because it wasn't fucking cool. I'm like, dad, I'm not fucking going. He said, oh, you're fucking going. I said, no, I'm not going. He said, well, you have to because I don't know if you knew this Ricky, but you're a great, great,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grandfather, grandmother, holy fuck, it's raining horse cocks out there, the wind.


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[Assistant] He said my great-grandfather, great-great-great, or four greats, mother, father, one of them, decided to come up with the idea for Halloween to make the kids happier.


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[Assistant] That would be a weird fucking coincilence, coincilence, coincilence dance. Coincidence dance. You know that word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So isn't that cool? So was your great grandpa named Raymond Horscock or no? Let's just go with that. And good ol' Raymond fuckin' came up with this whole idea, so from that point on, I never miss a Halloween. So it's Halloween November, but it's still fuckin' Halloween to me. And Raymond, if you're listening to this, wherever the fuck you are, cheers to you, my friend. What a great fuckin' idea you have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it was sad times back then, kids needed a boost.


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[Assistant] So he thought, hey, if all the kids fuckin' dress up, then no one knows who the kids actually are, and they can just be crazy and have fun, no one knows who was the crazy people. It scares them a little bit, and then candy is like a celebration. All kids love candy. He came up with that, did he?


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[Assistant] It would have to have been at least 100 years ago for sure.


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[Assistant] Well Halloween's been around longer than that, I believe. Okay, what was more than that then? Why are you asking questions if you already know the fucking answers to them? When did Halloween start there, smarty ass?


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[Assistant] If I was a real superhero, I'd want gloves that stuck right up there by the arm link.


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[Assistant] You better not fucking let Randy see you looking like that. I could say that out loud. Why? What would, what would happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but Randy, I don't know, he's got a little weird thing with men and men dressed up as women and women that look like men and I don't know. Actually, we should bring him over just to see what he does, fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are we gonna talk about on this fine, rainy, shitty Halloween? The fucking rain better stop before trick-or-treating.


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[Assistant] We're not going trick-or-treating. Bubs, I'm gonna get about six more beer into me, a couple more joints, and we're fucking going trick-or-treating. And I dare anyone to deny me fucking candy tonight. This is my fucking Halloween.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're robbing people, basically is what you're saying. No, I'm looking for donations of candy. If you don't want to donate, I'll fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throw eggs at your house or I'll put shoe polish over your fucking windshield. Try getting that off. It's a pain in the cock. Trust me.


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[Assistant] Point, I'll say, hey, you know what? I'll bring you some fucking cleanest cleaning supplies, but you're getting egg unless you give me a chocolate bar or a bag of chips. Maybe a can of pop, maybe a beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should hand out beer to older kids like me. They could check my fucking ID.


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[Assistant] If it wasn't for my family starting the whole fucking thing, then maybe I wouldn't, because I am getting pretty old for trick-or-treating, but... It's like if your family started Christmas, you're just not gonna celebrate anymore? No. Exactly.


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[Assistant] They don't work as good as a lot of people though, do they? And that's why he gets fucking money from the government for that shit.


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[Assistant] Can't really show the names of these fucking things because they haven't really paid the money for it. Oh, sorry, bubby. There you go.


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[Assistant] What were we talking about? I blocked Dota for a second there. Jesus, I did too. Well, we got shit to talk about.


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[Assistant] What the fuck are you talking about? This is a real, this is a real story.


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[Assistant] Uber did it on National Cat Day in a whole bunch of cities. So you just call them up and say, hey, I want to see some fucking cats, or you're, you're getting the cats. No, they had a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it just says a $30 snuggle fee, so you're just gonna snuggle with some cats? Hey, send down the kittens, I need to fucking snuggle with kittens. That's a little weird if you ask me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, men are supposed to snuggle with women, not with fucking kittens. What does snuggle mean? Maybe I'm not understanding.


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[Assistant] I don't know, but if I'm spooning with like Lucy or somebody, then things start to get a little-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's either go downtown, spend a hundred bucks, try to meet a girl, buy her fucking drinks, you're up to two hundred bucks, go home, nothing, or thirty, forty bucks, don't even need to go downtown, you just go there, just when you're really lonely or whatever, right? It's good.


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[Assistant] I've never done it, but I know lots of people that have. A lot of dudes in jail talk about it and they say it's fucking fantastic. I'm usually with Lucy, so I mean, Lucy's not cool with me getting mouth hugs or whatever from hookers.


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[Assistant] Kittens and cats, I think they're cute, and I don't want to fucking get you pissed off, but I think paying thirty bucks to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well that was my point, that I hope these people aren't calling these fucking kittens to come down as they have some weird little sex thing for poor little kittens. It's fucked.


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[Assistant] If that's the case, this Uber dude better stop delivering fucking kids.


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[Assistant] Here's another story. There's a fuckin' Uber on, uh, Sesame Street. Mr. Uber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was Mr. Hooper. Big Birdie's friend. Oh, Hooper, that's right. Mr. Hooper.


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[Assistant] Bastards. I'm tired right now. The onions are throwing their fucking junk down here. We should start throwing all of our garbage up there, shoot it off in a big missile, and say, fuck you. Right back at you, you cocksuckers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're talking about now that man or man, whatever you want to call us, fucking launched a big missile rocket up to the moon.


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[Assistant] And that's what it could be from, and they left, they just, so we're littering in space now?


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[Assistant] Oh, we'd let her like crazy in space, Ricky. What the fuck is wrong with people?


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[Assistant] You're fucking littering on earth, it's not enough, now you gotta litter in our fucking space? Space is full of junk, Ricky. So these fucking-


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[Assistant] That's a perfect example of people that think they're smart as fuck, but they're actually dumb as fuck. I know how to build a rock in one little tiny fuck up.


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[Assistant] Some piece of it's gonna come off. It's gonna float around in fucking space for 50 or 53 years and then it's just gonna say, you know what?


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[Assistant] By the time this fucking piece of junk comes back to Earth, I'll be dead. Who gives a fuck? Probably didn't have kids either. Selfish little cocksucker.


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[Assistant] No, you know what it was? People pressuring him, saying, you know, is the rock ready? Because we gotta fucking show off before the Russians do it.


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[Assistant] Will it get the fucking guys to the moon and back home? Yes. But, ah! That's all I needed to know. That's what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he knew what was gonna happen, but he wasn't allowed to say it, and he obviously didn't give a fuck and took it to his grave. Whereas he right now, he doesn't give a fuck, a piece of space junk's about to destroy earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you said something about coming on, you're coming out, I don't know, we got all fucked up there, but coming on would be a mess. Coming at you, at least it'd be over pretty quick.


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[Assistant] We can't go there, boss. Like, you need fucking a big ship to carry something like that backwards. We can't afford.


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[Assistant] Alright, you know what, I'm in. Fuck it. Hopefully we don't get killed and get burnt on.


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[Assistant] It's not going to be cheap because I think that place is pretty far away. I've never heard of it so it's not anywhere close to here.


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[Assistant] As soon as you said Scotland, I fucking knew it. On what is with the Scotland people, but they're always thinking they're seeing these weird fucking creatures.


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[Assistant] Okay, you know what, I used to believe in the lost, the lostness monster, lostness?


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[Assistant] The lostest monster, and my dad was like, there's no such thing, Ricky, think about it, because I was scared shitless to go in any fucking water to swim. He said if there was a fucking lostest monster,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People would fuckin' have seen it, there would be evidence, they would have caught one, there'd be one dead, like, there's no fuckin' seen creature that we couldn't have found yet. How?


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[Assistant] Maybe. Maybe there's some shit out there that we don't know about, but it's not fucking something in a cave.


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[Assistant] Well, I guess that's sort of possible if it's, you know, two creatures that decide to bang each other and they come out half and half. A zonkey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Umblebee? Zebra. Zebra. Half donkey, half zebra. Zonkey.


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[Assistant] So it could be half alligator, half crocodile. Or no, you said, uh, half dolphin, half... Fuck. I don't remember now.


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[Assistant] Idiot, cause I don't believe a fucking word he's saying. Should go back to the cave and fucking find this thing. Instead of going home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at your pictures and paint in a little shadow in the background. So yeah, what the fuck is that thing? Well, I guess if they said it looked like an alligator dolphin, it must have been a pretty good paint job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what? Then fuck it. If we can't find the rocket, in the...


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[Assistant] Ocean, we're gonna go find this fucking creature and we're gonna sell it or make money off it somehow. I'd like to find this fucking thing and wrestle it.


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[Assistant] Now you mix that friendliness with a fucking cocksucker of a crocodile alligator, then I don't know. It could be a nasty fucking thing to fuck with, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might even wear my fucking hot dog suit when I'm doing it too, with my superhero gloves. The Crocodiles. Yep. Be famous, buddy. That's what you want. So I'll do a fucking zoo for a million dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suppose that you're a zoo and things aren't going so good for you right now. People aren't coming to see shit anymore because of all the tires and-


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[Assistant] Elephants are old and they're dying and people are pissed off because they're caged up anyway. Then all of a sudden you got a fucking crocodile. I guarantee you people from all over the fucking world come to see that cocksucker. I know I would. But why do you want to fight it? Just to see what its capabilities are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, Ricky. Well, I mean, we know what bears can do. You're not gonna fuckin' fight one of those. We know what a-


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[Assistant] Normal alligator or crocodile could do, but mixed with a dolphin might make it friendlier and not really so terrifying. Might be another good TV show. Come on and try to wrestle it for money. The guy that fucking survives gets all the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you could call it, so you think you're tough. Especially if it was a good fucking scrapper. Man, whatever, fuck people over, that'd be awesome.


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[Assistant] Actually, it should be a bunch of animals. You could have the crocodile, but also, you know, maybe smaller cats.


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[Assistant] Semi-de-glad, like a fucking cheater. That would be fun.


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[Assistant] That's a good start, but we should start mixing more animals. Well, what would you have in the next one? Well, you know, my love for swans. We've talked about that before. A swan-a-goo. What's the, what's the a-goo part?


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[Assistant] Kangaroo, swan. Oh, swan who hops around. That's a good one. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you couldn't really, I don't know, you don't really want to mix a tiger with anything because that's going to be fucking tough.


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[Assistant] Unless if you mix it with something that's a real pussy like a- Yeah. What would that be called? Butter tiger. Yeah, it doesn't even sound fucking vicious at all. Alright. I'd fuck with a butter tiger, I guess. What would he look like though? Honest a thing. If it was the same size as a tiger but it had colorful wings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He might have ferocious teeth. He could just come down and bite you worse than any fucking mosquito. And take off again, little fucker. You know what? Fuck the tiger. Butter.


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[Assistant] Are we, are we, are we wrapping it up? I don't know, the tractor being, uh, we had all kinds of good shit here. We didn't even get to talk about the fucking nutscapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what are they? I guess we could talk about them next week. What, Nutscapes? Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's pretty fucked, I didn't know anything about this till I was reading about it, but I really liked the whole idea. I guess we'll talk about Nutscapes next week, cause right now, it's time to go trick or treating. Three more beer, shotgun, two more joints,


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[Assistant] Oh, in case you see some trick or treat. Might be some hot moms.


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[Assistant] I think she'd like it because, uhm, she's a lot younger when I play her.


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[Assistant] We did make- we did have sex with a beaver. Who was her foster son. Yeah, that could be-


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[Assistant] She's not bad. She's not bad. But if you could smoke three cigarettes a day, who would quit? I'd never have quit if I could have done that.


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[Assistant] Something under these, I think there's something under this. I do too. What? I think you're hiding something. I believe that. I'm not hiding anything guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they can use tools. They're one of the only animals that can use tools. Only the animals that use tools are like, uhm, the great apes, right? Like, uh, chimps and stuff. Uhm, dolphins. Although they can't really be good. Well, they understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean we've all, I think when we were children we all watched those movies where they were attacked by giant octopuses, but I don't think they really attack people. You know who does though? Uh, Squid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There must be some way to get the power of a starfish into a human though. Don't give him hope man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, or you could grind up a starfish, put it in a solution, and then, uhm, take it as an enema. That's right to the bright street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a pattern starfish in a neutral aqueous solution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be a good thing to do in jail because it's hard to get booze in there. You might want to consider it. But, the thing is, the thing is with Ricky, I, I think you just, you want to find out if you can regrow a digit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Alright. The scientists. The scientists.


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[Assistant] But where were you thinking of moving? Were you thinking of moving to the coast or were you thinking of moving inside of Florida? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Look at Potter, uh, Harry Potter-ville. Yeah. Right? Everything. Whole thing. All floor, just laid out in front of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're safe when the oceans start flooding. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That does make sense. I mean, how else did they get there? Those are big islands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] bit of a geographer, uhm, doing some stand-up occasionally when, you know, I'm going to get tired of the cartography because I'm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a task. And I'm doing some comedy here and there, and uh, but it's just not, it's not as interesting as this new thing. This, you know, map making that I'm into right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are cool. And people don't use them anymore because they're always online. They have the Google map.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I do. Yeaah, it's called What Would Sal Do?, and I play a priest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. A devout priest, really. And, uh, who thinks he's discovered the second coming of Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what his letters are? That's what it is. Super channel. Super channel. Not many people get it or watch it.


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[Assistant] A fucking guy passes out and you go, oh, let's fucking do shit to him, eh?


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[Assistant] Line one. What the fuck is this, Bobs? Uh, line of news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, uh, Henry Finkel. Who's man, how do you say these again, man, man on IMAW?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that picture? We gotta make this one a little quicker, right? That was a picture of a chick. Let me see her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He definitely must have did a lot of pounding. He's got a move named after him.


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[Assistant] Supposedly weren't doing very well and maybe I wanted to do some stuff with stuff like that.


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[Assistant] Like a ham that you'd fucking cook up. Smoked ham.


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[Assistant] Well, you know what, also, when you think about him today, I bet if he was running


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wouldn't want to have a civil war with fucking nukes. That'd be messy.


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[Assistant] So if you had to vote, who would you vote for? Bill Clinton's ex? What? Is she an ex? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't know if they were still together or not after all that. Ah, they're together, man. That's pretty powerful, they could work through all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I want. Yeaah. That's what I want. Do do do do do do do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you know your history, you know this story. Born far from his nation's center of influence, he rose through society to eventually achieve the unthinkable, total and absolute power. And then he led his people to war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As his armies marched all over Europe, a major threat loomed in the frigid east. And so he gathered troops and sent them off to put that enemy down. But this mighty leader failed to prepare for something that should have been expected. Winter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a result, his campaign failed horribly, hastening the end of his domination over his European neighbors.


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[Assistant] And if you guessed that this mystery leader was Napoleon Bonaparte, you'd be correct. On the other hand, if you thought that he was Adolf Hitler, you too would also be right. You see, these parallel stories are examples of something known as historic recurrence, which is basically the documentation of incredibly similar stories throughout history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These types of events are almost eerie in just how similar they are. Another great example would be the massive storm that wiped out Kublai Khan's fleet on its way to invade Japan, and the massive storm three centuries later that did the same when Spain's Philip II tried to invade England.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] History repeats itself. As they often said on Battlestar Galactica, all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. Of course, it's easy to explain away when you understand that human greed and lust for power often drives leaders to do the exact same thing as those who came before them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But some moments in history repeat for reasons that are more difficult to explain. These are painful events wrapped in tragedy and suffering that seem to come back to vividly haunt others. Some call them coincidences, while others think of them as proof of the supernatural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've always dreamed of leaving the Earth behind. Not in the sense of space travel, but as a way to soar above the ground like a bird. Then maybe we take that desire for granted these days, thanks to massive airports and constant flights in our skies. But that hunger to fly has been around a lot longer than you might think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flight itself seems to have appeared on the historical record in China, around 1000 BC, with the advent of kites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And while you and I might think of kites as toys for kids, or a niche hobby, the folks back then took the notion to a whole new level, literally. For example, kites were used in military operations to carry lights and noise-making tools, with the goal of scaring off the enemy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One Chinese emperor even used kites to execute political prisoners, strapping them into various models and pushing them off a tall building. Most died, but at least one man reportedly made a safe landing below.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even Marco Polo, the Venetian explorer who ventured into China in the late 13th century, documented people lifted into the air by kites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if we're going to talk about wings of wood and silk, we can't skip Leonardo da Vinci. After all, you can probably close your eyes and imagine one of his technical drawings of a similar device, all yellowed with age, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except, Da Vinci didn't have that much of an influence on our pursuit to flight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a deeply private man, writing backwards in his notebooks in an effort to keep his work a secret. In fact, his ideas about mechanical flight stayed largely unknown for four whole centuries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't until the start of the 19th century when things really, uh, took off. Englishman George Cayley is credited with designing the first successful glider capable of carrying a human being. Of course, his first test pilot was a 10 year old boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he thankfully moved on to an adult passenger after that. That guy, his personal carriage driver, managed to fly about 900 feet before crashing and was so frightened by the experience that he quit working for Kaylee entirely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were others along the way, too. Frenchman Henri Giffard flew his glider over 17 miles in 1852, sparking a keen interest in France that would last for decades.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm going to talk about early flights, you would probably be upset if I skipped over the Wright brothers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fun fact for you, Wilbur and Orville Wright basically devoted their entire day-to-day lives to designing, building, and testing their early aircraft, which meant they couldn't cook or clean or care for themselves. Instead, their sister Catherine did that, making their meals and running the household there where all three of them lived.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Catherine, by the way, was a college graduate who was also fluent in French, making it possible for her brothers to communicate with French airplane designers and share ideas. And yet she was relegated to doing laundry and cooking for the men. In fact, when she finally got married at the age of 50 and left the house, that ticked Orvaloff so much that he basically disowned her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But of course, Wilbur and Orville finally reached their goal of powered, controllable flight on December 17th of 1903. And they kept working on it, too. Within five years, the US government came knocking and ended up buying one of their planes for $30,000. Roughly a million bucks today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there are very few human inventions that haven't been turned into instruments of death. When World War I began just nine years after the success at Kitty Hawk, modern warfare picked up a new tool. One that could take the battle to the skies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be fair, airplanes started out as reconnaissance tools, as a way for one army to spy on another from far above the bullets and bombs. These planes were so uncommon and new that when one pilot spotted another in the sky, they would just wave at each other, whether or not they were enemies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these are humans that we're talking about here, so eventually someone was bound to strap guns onto these early airplanes. By 1915, the first machine guns were used in the skies over Europe. After that, planes became bomb-dropping tools as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about it. Within a decade and a half of the Wright Brothers' historic flight, planes were weapons, delivering pain and suffering and death in a whole new way. But there was a lot more death just around the corner. And if the stories are true, some of those instances left behind shadows. The kinds that were experienced for many years to come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Early attempts at just about anything come with risk. For something as bold as flying high through the skies in a contraption made of wood and metal, that risk included death. And pretty early on, pilots became very aware of the dangers they were flirting with.


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[Assistant] In April of 1912, the British Army established the Royal Flying Corps, the predecessor to today's Royal Air Force. Their first official military airfield was located in Montrose, up north in Scotland, and right away, it became the home and training ground for the No. 2 Squadron.


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[Assistant] A year later, Lieutenant Desmond Arthur showed up there to join them. He was Irish by birth, coming from County Clare, and was described as a little intense. Although, to be fair, I have to believe anyone willing to pilot an airplane in 1913 would have to be intense. It took guts for sure.


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[Assistant] On the morning of May 27th, Lieutenant Arthur climbed into his BE-2 biplane and took off for a solo flight, heading east toward Lunen Bay.


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[Assistant] According to eyewitness accounts, he was descending from an altitude of roughly 4,000 feet when something went wrong. Part of the plane's right wing suddenly snapped off, triggering a cascade of disintegration that started to pull the aircraft apart.


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[Assistant] As the wreckage plummeted toward the earth, Lieutenant Arthur left his seat, either thrown by the violent motions or in an attempt to jump free.


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[Assistant] Now, Desmond Arthur wasn't the first member of the Royal Flying Corps to die, but he was the first from Montrose to do so. He was soon buried with full military honors, the first pilot to ever be interred in the nearby Sleepy Hillock Cemetery, a tragic ending to a young life.


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[Assistant] Of course, there was an investigation. By June, one report determined that a faulty repair of the wing had led to the accident, but some weren't satisfied with that answer. Another report published in the summer of 1916 shifted the blame to Lieutenant Arthur himself, claiming that he had been flying too dangerously and made a tragic pilot's error.


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[Assistant] And then one final report in December of 1916 turned the blame back on the unknown mechanic who botched the repair.


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[Assistant] But no one was about to forget Desmond Arthur. One evening in the fall of 1916, Major Cyril Foggin was walking to the officer's mess when he spotted another man in full pilot's gear, as if he were ready to jump into a plane. The figure appeared to walk into the mess hall, but when Foggin got inside, the tent was empty.


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[Assistant] Others would see the same man in the weeks to come. And all of the accounts have the same pattern. A fully kitted out pilot heading toward the officer's mess only to vanish into thin air.


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[Assistant] Later, one senior flight instructor woke up to find the stranger sitting at the foot of his bed, clearly visible by the light of the fire in his camp stove. When he asked who the man was, the figure disappeared.


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[Assistant] The most disturbing story though took place decades later, in 1963.


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[Assistant] That was when a man named Sir Peter Masefield, very well known in the UK's aviation world, gave a lecture to some Royal Air Force officers at Iverness. After the talk, he and a few of the other men got drinks and shared stories. And naturally, the legend of Lieutenant Desmond Arthur came up.


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[Assistant] The following morning, Macefield was headed out to his small two-seat plane to leave Iverness for Brooklands, when he bumped into a man on the runway who was also dressed and ready for flight. Macefield felt like there was something familiar about the guy, possibly one of his drinking companions from the night before.


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[Assistant] He said hello. And that's when the man asked for a ride.


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[Assistant] Macefield happily obliged, handing the man a headset so that they could talk during the flight. But not long after taking off, in the clouds high above an area close to the old Montrose airfield, something strange happened. He looked out the window and spotted an old BE-2 biplane descending from a higher altitude nearby. And then, it happened.


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[Assistant] Part of the plane's wing broke off, the structure began to buckle and bend, and then silently, the plane dropped from the sky. And just as it did, Macefield could hear his passenger cry out into his headset, a mixture of despair and fear that cut him straight to the core.


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[Assistant] Turning around in his seat to see if his passenger was okay, Macefield was shocked to find that the man was no longer in the plane. All that was left behind was the headset he had been wearing, resting safely on the rear seat.


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[Assistant] Too shocked to fly anymore, he landed the plane on a golf course that was directly below him, right in front of a small audience of locals. Locals who had seen him arriving from miles away, but had no memory of a second plane.


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[Assistant] Later that day, as Macefield logged his flight, he noticed the significance of the date.


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[Assistant] By all accounts, Eileen was gifted. Born in 1892 in Ireland, she had a rough start in life. Losing both her parents and being uprooted to go live with her cruel aunt and uncle on their farm was not easy.


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[Assistant] But it was there, while she watched some animals being slaughtered, that she first noticed something odd. She could see their spirits exit their bodies.


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[Assistant] She would later describe it as a gray mist, almost like smoke, that drifted up from each animal as it passed away. It was something that no one else could see, and it left her feeling very disturbed.


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[Assistant] Eileen grew up and eventually went to London, where she met and married an older man named Clive Berry. She told him about her strange gift, and while he was supportive before their wedding, his tune changed not long after. He told her to give up on such a foolish idea, and instead focus on running their household. But you can't put something like that away forever.


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[Assistant] The couple would go on to have three children, all of whom died in infancy. In each instance, Eileen saw it again, that grey smoke rising up from their dying bodies. And after that, life continued to hand her heartache and change, including divorce in 1917 and the start of World War I.


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[Assistant] During the war, Eileen supported herself by running a convalescent home for recovering soldiers, eventually even marrying one.


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[Assistant] When he was sent back to the front, she knew what would happen. A month later, while having dinner with friends, she was overwhelmed by a gruesome image of his body being blown to pieces on the battlefield, complete with his body parts raining down on the muddy earth.


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[Assistant] It wasn't long after that when she received word from the British government. Her husband had been declared missing in action and he was presumed dead.


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[Assistant] Not long after, Aileen began to pursue her unusual abilities in earnest, working to develop her abilities as a medium. It was a period of her life that saw her working with legendary ghost hunters Harry Price and Nandor Fodor, as well as rubbing shoulders with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. But in 1926, something new arrived.


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[Assistant] She had been walking her dog in Hyde Park when she looked up to see an enormous silver dirigible in the sky over London. Two years later, in 1928, she saw it again. Only this time the vision also seemed to be giving off smoke, followed by some erratic movement before vanishing behind the clouds.


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[Assistant] In 1928, at the request of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Eileen held a seance. The stated goal of that night was to contact the dead husband of a woman named Emily Hinchcliffe.


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[Assistant] He had died while trying to cross the Atlantic by air. But soon after beginning, the seance took a turn when the man's spirit issued a warning for a still living friend, a man named Ernest Johnson, who was apparently in grave danger.