[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't get me wrong, there is an element of ego for sure behind the scenes where Leonardo Caprio's probably like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then the opportunities that would open up to you would be immense, right? Like, and you can see that they probably sort of get enthralled by, you know, certain scripts or certain directors or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's done, but sometimes it's, it's done in a, in a shitty way. And, but other times I can't think of any examples, but I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure I've seen times where it's been done non-shitty and it's been fine sort of thing or I've liked it.


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[Assistant] Hacky, it's like, you know, this guy that looks just like him, I guess, in a Simpson-y way, and that's his only part in the whole show, in the 20 minute show is just one line, and he's, he's just like chucked into it for whatever reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, one man cannot write all those books. Like yea- Apparently he can. It's like 20 books a year. Fuck me man. No it's not. Oh it is, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta love, you gotta love what you do, right? To carry on. Apparently he does. Like that long? Fuck me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's two movie adaptations of The Shining, isn't there? There's the famous one, and then there's the not so famous one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they do it. Uhm, I've been watching, uh, well, I watched The Apprentice last night, which is, as you expect, just garbage. The same, but I can't stop watching it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was angry the whole time too. And uhm, but I've also been watching this, uhm, limited series on Netflix called Unbelievable about a serial rapist. It's really interesting. It's based on, based on true events.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But really interesting at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's, okay, time of recording, coronavirus, uh, Donald Trump just, just stopped flights from Europe to America, which is quite a big, uh, event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't be on a flight to Italy. Why would you go there? You have to react quickly and I don't think people are very good with knowing what to do. I think people are relying a lot on people's own, own like, oh, if you're feeling sick, make sure you don't go out. You know, people are relying too much on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are saying, you know what we should do? Try, just try not to spread it guys. Come on. That doesn't work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he should take that as a sign from God that God actually thinks he's a dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, so there's, so this is a, this is a podcast with PFLAX, the, uh, so, so PFLAX is waiting currently for his dog walker. The Corona denier, PFLAX. No, he's not a Corona denier, he's a, he's a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if the pilot realises they fucked it, they're not gonna tell everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I can't, I mean, I, you know. So, so, so P Flex has got his new dog, right? And he's waiting now for the dog walker to turn up because he can't even be arsed to walk his fucking, the new dog. No, no, she takes her, she takes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. It's like, it's like you're talking about your toddler or something and you're like, you know, well, she's going to go play with her friends and she's going to go and draw me a little picture. She's drawn me a little picture. I put it on the fridge. You know, it's like, it's so adorable, but also I'm, I feel like she's getting more love and attention than any of the other members of your family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't have any, any problems with that. So uhm, one of the things that's happened, so Doug has got a dog. He was walking, he walks his dog all the time. And he's obviously had his new puppy for about a year now. And I speak to him yesterday and he was saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, like I'm glad it started, the weather started to get a bit better because you know, six months of walking my dog in this horrible weather has been like really grinding me down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he all weather-beaten? He's got like fucking a red face. It's not been like that cold. It's not snowed or anything. It's not been like too icy and slick this year. But it has been just shit. Like just dank and dark and miserable and wet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is I know to avoid certain loose cobbles and I jump around them and then I hit another one and I was like, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I've got to take my shoe off and I'm gonna hang my sock on the radiator to dry off and then, um, fucking stood here like a pleb. And then the other thing that happened was I was fucking walking around the corner and like, um, you know, sometimes on the roofs, like the gutter will just spray like a big jet of water out. It just sort of went right down my neck and I just thought,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, why do we, why do we put up with this shit? Do you know what I mean? I could, I could be anywhere else right now. Like, like Ben's, Ben's parents go and go like, emigrate to South Africa during the winter. Cause they have a family there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so off they go, just, and loads of people do it. Like old people always go to the south of Spain. Do you know what I mean? Like, do they know something? We don't. All the retirees go to Florida and America where it's hot. Have they finally been like, I've had 50 years of this grinding me down, I can retire, I'm just gonna fucking go somewhere hot. Like, at what point do they just act drop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I do more exercise when it's nice weather. I think I'm just like, I'm just outside more. I don't know. I eat better. I'm just, I don't know. Like it feels like just, why do we put up with this? And how, how is it people like up in Canada or even higher north, like they're fucking Norway and stuff. How do they, how do they put up with it? They're all very, they're all very like, like placid about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't mind the rain. I like the sound of rain. I like the smell of rain. I like, like, I like it. I like looking at the rain when you're in a house. I like, you know, I sometimes like ducking out in an umbrella or getting soaked outside and under an umbrella and coming in and drying off. Like those things are actually quite enjoyable, but I think every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was walking around in town, I had a day off and I was looking in some sort of tat shops and stuff. They're like plant pots that you can nail into the wall so you can have like a plant hanging off a wall and you know, just stuff like that, like tat that people put in their house. Anyway, I was thinking because I saw this book on the shelf that caught my eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like kind of one of those coffee table style books that people just have and they just, like it's a decorative piece, but sometimes you'll look at it and you'll think, oh, that's interesting. And it was like the architecture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Build a cabin, somewhere on a little bit of land, far away enough that you, you can kind of not see some arsehole burning some tires or something. Do you know what I mean? Is this a common thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, do you know what I mean? I feel like any bit of land you'll buy will have a neighbour who's an arsehole of some description. Or you can see, do you know what I mean? I want it to be isolated enough that it doesn't take me two hours to drive to a fucking Sainsbury's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, and has at least a satellite internet, sort of a wifi internet or wireless internet connection, whatever it is, you know, 4G, but isn't like just to fucking like backs up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I was, when I was looking at getting houses, cause I still, I still rent, um, here in Bristol. I don't own a house. Um, I was looking at places and there was this one place that was built between two other people's houses. Like they had two detached houses and this tiny bit of like apart, which used to be like a pathway, you know, between the two other houses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sort of took that incredibly thin bit, you know, made that into like a hallway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like put a, a proper room out the back and then a little bit of a room out the front. Like, like a house that had just been squeezed. I dunno, it's like, there's something scummy about it. It's like someone buying up a big, um, town house, you know, and then like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Selling all the rooms individually. I dunno, as their own houses or whatever. Do you know what I mean? It's like, imagine you bought like a big townhouse in London and you just installed a toilet and a sink in each one, you know, and put a little curtain up, and you sold them as like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Luxury flats. Do you know what I mean? Or something. Or like, come up with some bullshit language to sell them. Well, how about this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was like a classic swindle. The fact is like, he didn't just take the money and run. He actually took the money, built the fucking thing, and then stood up to his swindle and was like, yeah, if you come to me with a lawsuit, I'm just gonna fucking well be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could have gone there and claimed it. You know, you could have taken a shit on that little corner and been like, well, this is my corner, I can take a shit here if I want. Fuck you guys. Do you ever get that desire, P-Flax, to like, just be a man and go into a wood and cut down a tree and try and build a log cabin? I dunno. Do you ever get that wish, that dream, that beautiful-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder how many people have got that achievement. I wonder if there are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The third of babies born today will make it to a hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've lived longer than your life expectancy is gonna be, right? Well, no, from now on. So you're like, I think if you're 40 right now, your life expectancy is about 81, maybe? Like 82? So the younger you are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, yo, it's happening, it's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you going to do to spend quality time with your, your, your teenagers? Are you going to, are you going to do things like play D&D or are you going to like go do sports and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that where they fucking have all the animals and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fucking put him in a grinder, biofuel that shit. Yeah, holy shit, good idea, P-Fox. That's a great idea. Think about it, Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The classic way is maybe put a notepad by your, by your, by your bed. And if you wake up and have any more dreams, write them down. Cause I'd love to hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well in that case, but if you write down your dreams, you can, this is how to learn lucid dreaming, uhm, you can start to control them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like there's a lot to learn in this thing. It is very fun though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I could, I could see that. I could understand that. I can completely, I get it. I, I understand. I've been playing a few, uhm, I've learned a few board games this week because I wanted, cause I'm, I'm absolutely, this comes back to like playing games like online, like with your family and stuff and, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just trying to play games with your friends online is such a hard thing to do, like often just to try and get them together, like for anything that isn't a quick and easy run, it's like, oh join me for a Dota game, join me for a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Stellaris, we've been playing these things on our terminals for years now, and none of them work. They all desync, they're all not made for multiplayer, they're all garbage netcode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, the devs don't bother because they're like, yeah, no one really plays multiplayer anyway, so I'm not going to fucking bother. I'm so anyway, I've been playing a lot of board games, real life board games. Um, and I actually, the best way to learn those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is to play the digital versions which often suck, uhm, because they're like, the whole point of a physical board game is that you're there rolling dice, playing around with cards, which is such a nice thing to do, you know? Like playing poker at a table is so much better than playing poker online, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and it's the same thing with board games. There's some really, there's something just really nice about sitting there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real people with a cup of tea chatting about stuff while you're playing this board game. And often like the decision making is quite like clever, like you make your decisions, you play the stuff out, you know, you're, you're relying on your brain more than your reflexes. And I think in that sense, like maybe that's why I don't like, I won't like Tarkov.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yes, it's a super good board game. You know, you, you get a good board game and you're like, okay, I've got these cards. Maybe I'll go for the victory condition of having the most cows this time, or maybe I'll build the most houses. Do you know what I mean? Like what, like whatever, you know, you can play it differently at the start. You can look at what you've got. So I'll be playing a couple of board games that I really recommend. I recommend Wingspan. Oh yeah, you told us about this didn't you?


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[Assistant] The only thing I don't like about it is I don't recognize any of the fucking birds because they're all like American and I've never, apparently they've got a completely different- Woodpeckers. They've got like woodpeckers and bush-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't realize, I didn't realize that we had such- You've got a scientific background! I know, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normal shit, like fucking mallards and stuff, and coots, and swans, and geese. Rather than all these fucking weird things like mer-mer-shelaws and fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good. Like it. I pro-pro'd it last time, I'm pro-ing it again this time. So for no reason. We haven't got a sponsor. We're still funded by Patreon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can, you can support us on that if you like. We've been thinking about doing an ad. Uh, there may well be an ad coming. For naked bars, it's gotta be. Man, I eat them so much. At some point in the future. Every day I eat these. But in the meantime, support us on Patreon. We're not getting any money for this. There's no ads. Ad free. Um, yes at the moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta buy a teepee. Give us your money. PFLAX will use it to pay for a dog walker and Sips will use it to buy steel for his inevitable skyscraper that's burning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patreon, thank you, much appreciated. Uhm, that's, that's Triforce. Stay safe out there, guys. Don't, don't get, don't cough on anyone or get coughed on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not Sips. He's a separate entity. With me, comma, Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's either quicker with me sips and period flax, but with me sips and period flax, that sounds like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I was just watching an advert, I was watching Frasier, I was watching Frasier, a classic, classic Triforce, uh, show, in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. And they had an advert on for dentures. And I'm not at the denture stage of being old yet, fair enough. But the funny thing is, at the end of the advert, they show a woman doing something that obviously to the denture wearing crowd is like the money shot. And she bites into an apple like she doesn't give a fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I'm saying is, she's allowed on in the evening when she's sleepy. She has a little sleep next to Mrs. F on the sofa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But during the day, she's like- You mean in the one evening? Of a night. Look, all I'm saying is, this is the way we're gonna go forward. If you want, I can just pretend like this isn't the way things are gonna be, and- and continually say, we've only had her a day, but- or at all, you can just accept that this is the- this is the regime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, in future and going forward and so far, she is allowed on the sofa in the evenings only. When I'm working upstairs, Mrs. F is downstairs, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cause the thing is, she's too little to jump off the sofa, right? She'll hurt herself if she jumps off the sofa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is 12 weeks old. Wow. Yeah. So she's, uh, she's very sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes I have. How long ago? Oh gosh, well, I was a teenager, so it's not like it's gone from my memory, but yeah, she was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's not ready for training yet, but uhm, we're gonna take her to puppy training classes. Uhm, cause there's one thing I hate, it's a dog that hasn't been trained at all. Fuck. You know, you gotta train him up. You gotta train him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The girls really, really wanted a dog for a long time. And we figured like the kids now, like the way I see it, you've got to continually set yourself challenges and change things up and add a bit of freshness to your life, otherwise you get stale. And I was in a bit of a rut in terms of my day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was basically drop kids at school, stream, collect kids from school, hang around, cook dinner, stream. You know, it was like that, that was pretty much my day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I just thought it would also give them a sense of responsibility, which they completely lack. Right. Uhm, and this has actually really changed their view of things, like already, is they're like tidying- I'm not even kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When was the last time my kids, when was the last time my kids saw a pair of shoes in the middle of the floor and put them in the shoebox? Never. It's never happened. It's never happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because then those shoes will get eaten. She's gonna be consistent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that. I like animals with human names. My friend Dave had a cat called Glen, named after Glen Foddle, but a cat called Glen I thought was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean look, she's, first of all, she's, she's very healthy dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, people are saying, I don't really want to go into it because it's just annoying. It's just fucking gives people a chance to climb on their high horse, which she can't do because she has such small legs. So, you know, stop high horsing it. It's, it's kind of legist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she can't come upstairs at the moment because we're still introducing her to the cat. Oh fuck, you got a cat already too? Yeah, we have a cat. And the cat came downstairs last night, took one look at the dog and just backed slowly out of the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I mean we had to get a few things like, I mean the dog was in her cage because I knew the cat was coming downstairs so I quickly popped her in a little cage and uhm, It's like a cartoon. And let the cat sort of have a look at her and the cat was like, yeah this isn't working and just sort of left. But we've moved the cat's food upstairs and she's got a litter box upstairs so she's, she's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, the way I see it, if something freaks your dog out that is something that it's gonna have to come to deal with, they just have to get used to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like for real, you can't be like, oh we're not hoovering anymore because it freaked the dog out once. She'll get used to it. My dog used to hate the hoover, but you know, fuck, it's part of life. Dealing with a hoover is part of a dog's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And coming back, uhm, because I bought it from someone, it was North West London, and I had to come back down to South West London. And Google Maps was like, ugh, don't go in the M25, trust me. I was like, alright, so I went through London.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The elderly don't get much of a break when it comes to horror. Being old, apparently, is scary enough in itself. Like, how many movies have you seen where the whole horror reveal is, there's an old lady in there and everyone goes AHHHHH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be ashamed of yourself. So, I wanna ask you guys a question about this kind of music, okay? So, in the late 80s and early 90s, when gangsta rap was a thing, Sips will know what I'm talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a lot of, this is bad, this is encouraging violence, blah, blah, blah. And the counterpoint was always, we're just singing about what we know. Yeah. And this is our neighborhood and this is, this is our, you know, how we grew up. And these are the things that we, uhm, oddly enough, even if it's sounds unpleasant to an outsider, perhaps it's, it's kind of nostalgic for them, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I've been thinking about this point a lot and the idea that you just sing about what you know and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Drill is the opposite of that. Drill is, is very hardcore. It's sort of got its roots in UK grime. It's actually American sound, I think, but it's, it's UK, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so it's literally like Aries of London being rapped about as sort of like, if you come here and you're from there, we're gonna stab you to death and we'll send you the bits to your mum. You know, that kind of stuff. Right. And I'm thinking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not really just singing about your life. That's a literal invitation to other people to step up with their own drill based.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not so sure that's an inspiring message. I'm also not sure you can just say it's not your fault when other young people are like, yeah, and stab each other. I think, I think part of that culture has grown out of the glamorizing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just saying, I don't agree with the argument that you can just say, hey man, we're just singing about what we know, and that happens to be dealing drugs to kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting kids to kill each other over who's in which postcode and deciding that this estate represents the boundary of some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I feel like especially with Drill, it's quite specific. I feel like in the Gangster Rap stuff, whilst it was definitely, I think, glamorizing violence, especially, mainly to white suburban kids, to be quite honest with you. They were the ones who were really sort of, sort of glamorous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, gangs will do- put out their own tracks to- like diss tracks to other specific people. Previously I feel like it was always rappers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like free marketing, if it's, if it's the controversial, then yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I mean, you think about Cop Killer as a song, the most exposure that song got was when Charlton fucking Heston read the lyrics at some NRA meeting or something where he's like, cop killer, cop killer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I like that. I suppose the ultimate question you're gonna ask is, is anyone gonna listen to a piece of music and do something they wouldn't have done anyway? I mean, that's the ultimate. Cause otherwise, if you open it up and say, oh yea, you're glamorizing it, and now all these kids are stabbing each other, it's like, wouldn't they have done that anyway? I mean, do you think they need the music? And they're like, oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This song has woken me up to the idea that I am now capable of murder. I don't know. I feel like actually it doesn't inspire stuff and I suppose it glamorizes it a little bit and encourages...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it might normalise, uh, lifestyles, but I don't think it necessarily creates them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a big mistake to rebrand. I think vegans, vegans used to have a bad rap. Now, like everybody points out, there's a vegan sausage roll, for Christ's sake, in Gregg's. So I think the word vegan has stopped being like a bad word. I think a lot of people have embraced it, especially young people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does the word come from? Is it Greek or something? What does it mean, the word vegan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The term vegan is just the first few letters of vegetarian and the last few letters of vegetarian. So it's vegan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it was just as part of the- Donald Watson, secretary of the Leicester branch of the vegetarian society, set up a new quarterly newsletter, Priced to Tuppence, called The Vegan News, when the vegetarian society was like, no, we're not gonna give you vegan space in our-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people just go to the gig, where Lewis is like doing his research ahead of time, it's adorable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bit like having a YouTube channel where you just make videos for your mates, and then it gradually becomes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys watched this show, uh, The Mandalorian? No. No. Well, it's on Disney. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you something. I'm not gonna say they stole, but uh, I wouldn't have minded nod in the credits. Shout out to Bodega. I know you hate shout outs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would praise those people. But, uh, yeaah, there's no chance now. There's no, any, any, like I said, there was probably a 0.01% chance that some Yahoo at Netflix would go like, oh, this bodega looks pretty good. Make it into a TV show. But now there's no chance. Cause the Mandalorian is basically bodega the fucking TV show. So they did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I needed to start my own multi-billion dollar entertainment corporation. So what do you think of it? I thought it was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two episodes. Two episodes. First two episodes. And I've also been watching...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, which has got Brian Cox, the good one, not the fucking flake scientist, the good Brian Cox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like him. I don't like him. He's a leech on the BBC Taxpayer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so either. I feel like it's a lot of lead up and hype to something that I don't think we can deliver on at all though. Like how can we top all of these podcasts weekly, pretty much, and also the jugs that we sold to people. There's the, there's, it doesn't get better than that, I don't think. Yeah, but they know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say that this podcast is like a, like a used dildo that doesn't appear to have any shit on it but smells really badly of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me get a little incognito tab here, hold on. You just wash it in the sink with some hot water and you just like, you know, really just fucking rub it. Build up cleaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You probably have to do that with your fleshlight too, right? You have to get that cleaned out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they get all gunked up in like the mechanical parts, right, like the blades. You get like all that fucking gunk underneath like the creases of the blades. I can't imagine that anything is worse than what we're talking about right now actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause there's a lot of splashback, because the, uh, vacuum seal of the contents of the can, once you pop that open, you don't see it, but lots of gunk flies out, so it gets onto your can opener. Before you know it, you've got a crusty, rusty, weird, gunky, gunky


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, was that the guy who made the fermented chili sauce last time I was in Bristol? That's right, Sips, that's right. And fucking Paul opened it and it exploded everywhere. It went everywhere. I couldn't believe it. It was like the blender blade. It was just fucking in places you would never imagine it could even reach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't believe how. And the stuff, it looked really uh, orange. It was like neon orange, this, this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I need to do an inventory, but I certainly don't have time to ferment chili sauce. Like I don't, I just don't have that time in my day. Like I, I couldn't devote even one second to that. But it's a good diversion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always thought that it would be nice to have a little greenhouse in my backyard, but not like a crappy plastic one that you buy at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that for Coxcom? Yeah. And then I get back from that and then in like a week and a half after I get back, I'm off to Lisbon for a couple of days for this bachelor party and to hook up with some of my Canadian friends. So I'm there for a couple of days. I get back, I'm back for one day and then I'm off to Bristol for a week for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y'all con and like a mini family vacation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get back, I got like two weeks, we're back for like two weeks, and then- I think I'm coming back with you though, aren't I, from after


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well I guess Lewis is coming back here for a week too then. I didn't realize, but there you go. So now Lewis is gonna be here for a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't that one, the one that was a total mess with like two good-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure we had a massive discussion about this last time flax went to China. We spoke about food and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you just described perfectly the, uh, design and development process for teamfight tactics. I think, I think Riot sat down and thought, fuck everybody, let's fuck, here you go, eat shit, here's a, here's this game. Like I, I think the people that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That made that game hate everybody and want them to be miserable. And then they, and then they made that game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like, uh, I had like a bit of a mini binge on it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm done now. I think I'm over it. It's too fucking random, like the items and stuff, just the carousel thing is fucking garbage too, like there's, there's, it's nice looking and it plays well and it's auto chess, but there's just certain things that just suck about it, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you spent the whole game fishing for like, the one guy you need and you never get him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it would just imbalance the game so much though. I think that the balance of the game is that it is so fucking random, like, and I think as a basis for a game, you're just, you're back to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being annoyed like you were in, in like Hearthstone and stuff. You're just at the mercy of total randomness, aren't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it appeals to people who play cards and stuff, right? It like, it's like, it's like people who play poker and stuff like that, you know, there are definitely strategies to it if you, you know, if you're fucking Rain Man and you're counting all the toothpicks and stuff or whatever, but like, again, you just have to be up for doing it, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think where I, I think where I get to with a lot of games and certainly where I'm at with team fight tactics is, um, I, you know, I'm joking. It's, I think it's, I think it's alright. I think it's a, it's a pretty good game. I think they've done a pretty good job with it. Like, uh, and like when I say I hate it, I'm just a bit salty because like I lost the last game I played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think the problem I have with, with, uh, with specifically a game like, uh, with Auto Chess is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get to a certain point where I, like, I don't feel like I'm terrible at it. You know, I'm not like, I'm not placing last every time or whatever. Eh, some games you just get really unlucky and you do or whatever. But like, I think if I try hard I could consistently like, you know, place pretty high or whatever or even win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm sort of at the point now where I'm more frustrated than enjoying it because I just don't know how to get better. And I don't know if I want to get better at it either. You know what I mean? You get to a point when you're playing a game where you're starting to get frustrated and it feels like you're not enjoying it and you have to really think to yourself,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, am I really just not enjoying this and like it's time to move on sort of thing or, or what? You know what I mean? Like I think, I think you have to get to the point where.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying, yeah, it's frustrating. I know I'm making mistakes and I know how to get better and I'm willing to do that. Or, you know, I've just done with this. Like this is just not enjoyable at all anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I enjoyed it a lot more when I was just blindly enjoying it, figuring out the mechanics and having a fun time. I really resent having to read


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how, uhm, like, Flax, I could group you in this as well. I don't know how people play the same game for as long as they do. That always blows me away. You know, like, uh, people that, like, I used to play a lot of Hearthstone, and I, so I'd watch a lot of people streaming it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I haven't played Hearthstone for like the longest time. I haven't been interested in it in a long time or whatever. Hearthstone's been out for how many years now? It's gotta be like what, seven? Six? Six or seven years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some of these guys have been playing it like every day since it came out. Yeah. Like every day without fail. And yes, sure. Some of them like stream it and they make a living off of it or whatever, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy fuck, the amount of, like the sheer amount of hours that they put into like that game. I mean, I'd put a lot of hours into Hearthstone, but nowhere near as many as like a lot of people sort of thing. And like you with Dota, like how many hours do you have in Dota? Like 8,000 hours or something like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy, like I think the most played game I have is Dota and I'm not sure like how much of that is just leaving the client open during like tournaments and stuff and stuff like that, not actually playing the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like not even, it's like, oh, just over a thousand hours. Like, I seem to be, I seem to cap out on a game at like three, four hundred hours. And that's like, it has to be exceptionally good for me to play that much of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to, just to finish what I was saying though, I'm not, I'm not using it as an excuse to say that's why I'm bad at games, but I feel like if I played like the same game a lot more, for example,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be a bit better than I am now sort of thing, but I get to a point with a game where I'm just like, I've just played this like way too much or just enough and I'm ready to just move on to something else or whatever, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'll have a lot of games that I have like a couple of hundred hours in and most of them are like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, dad games like Oxygen not included and stuff like that. Right, right. Uh, but you know what I mean? Like, uh, like I get to a point where I'm just like, I've just done like as much as I really want to do in that game and I'm done and I don't really want to play it again. Or like sometimes I'll feel like playing it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like something like Prison Architect or, you know, some shit like that I can come back to again after a couple of months and be like, yeah, sure, you know, whatever, I'll play this again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of thing. But like a, like a online competitive game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how people play that that much, like, I guess there's like factors to it, but me personally, man, I would just burn out like so quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, is it, is it, you, you, I get that you genuinely want to play it and you enjoy it and stuff, but do you feel partly invested in it too? Like, you feel like- No, not at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The amount of time that you've invested in that game, does that sometimes put you off trying other games where you're like, I don't want to play this game because I don't want to get into it because I'm already into this other game. Like does that ever factor in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like in a game like Dota, or like a game like CSGO, I feel like uhm, I feel like the skill curve is more understandable. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I understand that there's things that you can do to become mechanically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Better at aspects of those games. Whereas something like Teamfight Tactics or Dota Underlords like Auto Chess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like you get to a point where you're just sort of like, okay, I can only use so much and then I really just have to luck out. Like even with the best strategies and the best foresight or whatever, I really have to get lucky at certain points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe there's an element of that to Dota and Counter-Strike, you know, in Dota you might be setting up for a big team fight and you might luck out that one of their guys is out of position or something like that. But you feel like you have a lot more control over it just with raw skill, you know, like with those games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I guess a game like Auto Chess, that experience and ability counts for something too, being able to read the board, like being able to sort of read a game of poker and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I'm just like, it's a weird one because I've been playing it a lot recently. I'm just trying to like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to, I feel like I'm done with it. Maybe I'm not like totally done with it. It's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I guess, I guess playing a lot of games every day, you, you probably are acutely aware of like the current trends in gaming as well. Cause if you're playing a lot of similar stuff, you know that everybody is just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the new, like, fucking genre that everybody needs to be playing, so all of a sudden you probably notice, like, a massive influx of, like, samey games or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a different game, but like something like Terraforming Mars, like I would never dream of sort of being so, nope, nope, the turn is over, no, you can't redo that, you can't do that, you know what I mean? Like you're sitting around a table with your friends playing a game, like it's not, uh, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you want to talk to them? I've said this as well when I used to play Apex. I want to meet people who fucking install aimbots and cheat and stuff. I want to meet like one person who actually has gone out of their way to do that. And enjoy playing like five games before their account gets banned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really weird, yeah. I don't know, like, uh, I feel like if I met some of these people, like, face to face, instantly it would click. Like, the minute they open their mouth, I'd be like, yeah, okay, I can see why you do the things that you do sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have this feeling that I've met this type of person before and I've chosen not to surround myself by these types of people as well. But I could be wrong. Like you said, maybe it's just like a regular ordinary person that I work with that I really like but then when they get home and they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got their gamer tag on, it's just like they're a completely different person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each episode has like a weird sort of theme to it and like the theme might be if you don't get enough likes on your, on your YouTube video you'll die or something like that or like just some dumb shit like that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I keep referencing Goosebumps because it's the only show that I can think of that's anything like, I never watched Twilight Zone or anything, but like, I think in, I think in Goosebumps they used to have like, uh, company names and stuff like that would be the same. Like, so like the universe stuff would be intact, but the characters and stuff were always different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what was, so in Striking Vipers, the hot girl character that he played, which hot girl character did he play that resembles the most, like a Street Fighter 2 character? Like, are we talking like Cami?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like this fucking thing that you spray in the toilet. Uh, if you're like at a party or something you take a shit. Cause you know, when you're at a party you might need to take a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I guess you didn't take a shit before you left your house to go to the party or whatever. So there you are at somebody's fancy Beverly Hills house party and you're in this unfortunate position whereby


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy fuck, I need to take a shit right now in this person's- in this mansion's bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in you go, you drop a real stinker, and then you have the VI poo, you spray it in the bowl, and it traps the smell inside the toilet bowl, so that when the next person comes in, they can't tell that you've just dropped a, uh, a steamy one ahead of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, guys, Yonkon's coming up and, you know, there's gonna be a lot of people there. There's gonna be at least a dozen people there who are like, I really look up to these guys and they might not look up to you so much anymore if they go into the bathroom after you've just been in there, you've decimated it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, and you know that you had games like Deus Ex and games that deal with, you know, augmenting your body artificially, but making it better. And I'm surprised nobody's decided to add like another sort of bit of skin to your, to your,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they stitch onto the front of your stomach, okay? Uh, but it can like camouflage sort of thing. So they put like the belly button on the outside of the pouch. So that if you took somebody's shirt off, you would never be able to tell that there's a pouch there. But you could just lift this little flap, put your passport in there, maybe like the card for your apartment. You know, like if you got mugged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't, there's certain things on you that you didn't want anybody to find, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're walking down the street in the hood or whatever and you got like a wad of cash, you put it in your sock, right? So that when somebody mugs you, they're like, give up the goods and you're like, wow, I don't have anything on me though. And, and, and everybody, the situation is so intense that they forget to check your shoe and your sock. And that's where all your stuff is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to use your thumb print for identification though. That's what, you know, so you need your thumb for that. But if your thumb gets cut off, you could make sure that you have a backup thumb that you hide in your kangaroo pouch that nobody will ever be able to find. I feel like that's a win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll, I'll put you in. So I was thinking, well I was already thinking, right? Okay. Experiments, like social experiments, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he just continues queuing round and round. How long will people queue for a free ice cream?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they might have germs on them and stuff, no? It is quick how, it's strange how quick we turn to savages though, right? Like, we were on this shoot for the Jeff Rage, Jeff Space Agency, which is coming out today, and it was really hot, and we only had like, a limited amount of water, okay? Cause, you know, we're prepared for these hot days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we obviously ran out of water, and uhm, I left my water bottle next to Ben's one, but I didn't know which was which.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, am I thirsty enough to just gamble and drink, like, get a bit of backwash from Ben. You know, and I was like, I was really on the edge, but then like an hour went by, and I was like, oh, I'm even thirstier now. Should I just risk it? And then I drank all of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normal. He's uhm, and so what we do is we get the girls to start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Swiping yes on him, okay. And suddenly, it like ramps up, so it's like one and then like four and then like sixteen. There are too many. Too many to handle, okay. How many can he handle? Okay, for a start. How many, how many can he handle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My god. It's, it's, it's, you'd love it, don't worry. One day, you know, when you're an old man, and, uh, you're looking for love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you got anything that you want to rant about? This is like the perfect opportunity to do your own, your very own TED Talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're in a yacht, you've just got to eat, like, fucking, like, tin stuff and dehydrated stuff, right? It's still, none of it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you don't have a microwave. No, this is true, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you, you released a picture of your, or of lot of video at the back, cause you got terry cam, you picked it up and showed the interior of your dad garage and it looked like a crazy hoarders disaster zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could photoshop in a massive wave. That might work. Yeah, I'm sure that would go down fine. People do that. They just have like, um, themed, like, kind of funny, funny profiles, like joke ones. You see them all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I've told this story before on this podcast, very likely, but uhm, he would just edit the video, edit the game, move Mario to the goal, unedit the game, and finish the level. Every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so, so yeaah, like I haven't really seen any, I didn't really see any of it until yesterday. Are you stressed out or are you... No, I'm calm now. I think everyone is like, now everyone's here, safely, and like everything seems to be working, apart from the screen in front of me which says, ignore that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They probably just had a couple of little like, you know. You see, sometimes they turn into just very middle-class dads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like, like, Beastie Boys are now looking like very middle-class dads. Yeah, well they're rich. Just hanging out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they come from this sort of era of when you just almost expect them to be rebellious kids forever, you know? Yeah. Wearing like loose jeans and having like nose rings and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was all faux as well, wasn't it? It was all fake streets. Yeah, you're right. It wasn't real street at all. It was fake street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, there's that too, yeah. But it was always just random, right? Even like today, like sometimes you just can't fucking tell what's gonna go viral, you know? Uhm, on the internet, I mean, instead of, jeez. Uh, coronavirus news!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a segue. I don't know whether we should avoid talking about it completely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, I like you, the idea of you at a chalkboard, wheeled a fucking chalkboard out of the shed. You're like, this is what my daddy taught me, my daddy taught me, you do not go scaring kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in the safe lane, and uh, your witch doctor's gone mi- your caries gone missing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Abdel is considering buying a divine rapier, but his teammate


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another member of his team, Vladimir, is swearing in Russian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw a tweet by someone that was like, um, tried teaching my, um, five and seven year old for an hour and 11 minutes and nearly lost my mind. Like, I have a newfound respect for what teachers do every day. Yeah, seriously. It's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Help to kind of get us through this situation, because if you can go out to the shop and it's not shut, you know, it feels, you know, even if it's like a skeleton staff, it still feels like fairly normal, uhm, which is just weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a weird time to be, to be involved with stuff, but yeah, shout out to everyone fucking helping out other people. So what's happened with me is first of all, in the office, it's basically, um, we've told everyone who can work from home, they can work from home, right? So everyone's getting on with it and stuff in discord and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just business as usual basically, but in my flat a little sign went up which said


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, this guy is coordinating the sort of block of flats support group for anyone who needs shopping done for them. And so he's gonna, so you just have to ring his number and he'll go out and buy you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like shopping if you need it, you know, any like rice or anything, just put your orders in, he'll drop it at your door. It's very generous. Someone's obviously really just offered to help out. It's very kind. And so it really sort of is, you know, there are people, well there's loads of people out there who are really good hearted people. Yeah. And are just being very supportive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do other people when they need it at this time. So if you, if you, you know, you should always just check in, check in with people. I'm really, I rang my parents. I booked like a regular slot to ring my parents every week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Skype. That's nice of you. Yes, I had a chat with them Tuesday afternoon, uh, they were, they were doing, they're doing alright, but they're a bit concerned. Sure. They're a bit, everyone's a bit anxious about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, is that like, is this a situation where we all have laughed about doomsday preppers on this podcast before? And it's not certainly, it's a long way from that. I mean, actually as someone who is probably more inclined to do that than a lot, you know, a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I weirdly maintain a small cupboard full of tins and rice and stuff like that in case I can't be asked to go out, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think there's a lot of scary hype around this, whereas actually I feel like, at the very end of the day, yes it's serious, yes we should stop other people and elderly people getting it, but it's not like a zombie apocalypse, is it? It's like, it's, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I was trapped inside with a three year old and a five year old for like more than a couple of weeks, I think I'd start, you know, making a doomsday banner and, you know, ripping, ripping some, some clothes into a makeshift, you know, skull face and get, you know, walking out, yelling on the streets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is the other thing. Like, it feels like, uhm, everyone has this attitude of, oh, self-isolation, you know, like, so you keep yourself entertained, you know, it's a great opportunity to read that book or do that thing, or, and people are like, oh god, I don't have enough stuff to watch. And I'm like, so I was talking to someone who I won't name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, whatever floats your boat. And, but then I thought, you do nothing. You're like a streamer. You like stream a couple of hours a week and you don't have a job. You don't have kids. You know, this is no different to your regular life. Like nothing's changed for you. You're already a shut in. But they can't get toilets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so now what? What do you mean now what? What do you mean now what? Use your sleeve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a normal person. There's loads of alternatives. When I was in uni, we ran out of toilet paper all the time because, you know, when you were a student, that's what happened. We just used everything that was around. Kitchen roll's a bit rough, but you get used to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moist toilet roll, you know, like slightly like wet. Have you seen those? They changed my, my, my world. Do you wipe your ass with a wet towel? No, they're like toilet roll, but they're wet. They're like in a little wet wipes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very nice young couple, that's such a period flax thing to say. How old are they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, let's say, so 100 quid for each raccoon, uh, 20 quid for each pigeon, uh, 50 grand for the property, all that shitty extra foliage, that'll cost you, cause that's worth it, that's grown for years, that has, uh, a lot of, loaded with lovely mud, coating the inside, add a couple thousand off of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say, uh, London prices, you know, premium, put a little bit of tax on the top, and that's, that's, that's gonna be two and a half million, two and a half million, please. That's how much, that's how much it is for a fucking, anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like an older building though has like that, you know, that those people have lived in there so long and they've like buried their relatives in the wall or whatever. And then the next couple have moved in, killed someone, buried that relative in the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a good little joke. What was it we watched with you when I was at your sips?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, probably like trailer park boys and, um, the office and it's only son, it's always son. Arrested development. That was pretty good. Arrested development. You know, as much as I love those, uh, my, you know, it's nice to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, just watch some British comedy again. I watched The Windsors this week, which I didn't really like. Oh, that's terrible. It just started autoplaying while I was playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, you see it sometimes, but no, I've been, I've got a lot of shit I want to watch. I've got a lot of crap. I think actually one of the things I'm trying to do is not watch so much miserable documentary stuff. I've been watching, I watched all of the new Dirty Money series. Oh, I haven't watched the new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's fucking hard to watch, cause like, you're like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it simple. Almost every episode is like this, uhm, somebody does something incredibly poisonous to either the environment or the rules or something and they get slapped with a fine that is about one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? It's like, it's insane. The craziest thing about all of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All this stuff, though, just builds up this pressure of fury in me, like, and it's futile. You know, I feel like my dad writing letters to the Prime Minister, you know, angrily complaining about something. Does he do that? Just pissing into the wind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does just get it out of his system, you know, uhm, he obviously is daily telegraph reader and he just follows things and actually we, a couple years ago my mum sort of managed to get him to like stop


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm buying it every day, and actually he's been a lot more chill since, and I think that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do have this, I can't remember what it's called, but there's this thing I read about on Wikipedia, and I read an article about it, and it's called like, it's sort of like negativity bias. And it basically, our media around us, cause you know, we're constantly watching just like, murder shows, you know, like the casual viewing for me is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's what it is. It's this build up of sort of anxiety and fear that the world is a much scarier place than it is. The reality is that far more people are positive and supportive to the extent that it's hundreds


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, at the same time, like I think that there is a fear in headlines and a fear in not knowing the full story yourself. Like if you're not sure what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coronavirus, I think, we are so terrified. And people who aren't familiar and have read up about all of this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure that this, that putting people in high pressure environments is going to cause a whole bunch of problems as, and so we are going to see this I'm sure over the next few weeks as people get, you know, go a bit stir crazy and get put out of their routines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, again, that's a rare thing, actually, Sips. Like, again, we, we, people are doing that, but I've not seen it. I went to the, I went to the pet store. Most people, 99% of people are fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you could totally do that if you ran your own like, I don't know, chip shop or whatever, but if you, if you're like in a fucking actual, like a subway or a McDonald's or somewhere that pays just absolutely shit minimum wage and has all these fucking training things to like get you onto it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, do you know what it is? It's don't, I think it's don't push the workers too far as well, because if these guys who have been paid minimum wage to get, you know, complained at,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I say as well that there's some sweet, sweet joy in seeing airlines be turning into beggars, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The airlines were used to be absolute fucking cunts. They would be like, oh, do you want to sit next to your wife?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over the last like five years, they've had, you know, absolutely amazing record profits, right? And I read that the biggest American airlines put 95% of it back into buying their own shares back, right? And now they're like, oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what hap- I'm turning into my dad! I saw this week someone put a comment, uhm, and they took a picture of me with my- someone took a picture of me, uhm, cause the special effect came in and brought us some, uh, eggs and a nice-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does have a mustache. Grow a mustache right now. Yeah, grow one man, you should do it. Well I can't, I can't, I've tried, I think maybe I got the gene for the hair but not for the mustache, cause he definitely, my dad has a very very thin upper lip that he's got hidden behind his mustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one, mustaches are not cool at the moment. The only people who can pull off mustaches are Bollywood stars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a brief attempt to bring back the moustache, wasn't there, by Henry Cavill? He was a cop, wasn't he, in the movie, was he a cop, in the movie, that he grew a moustache for? Was it Mission Impossible?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how when people in an audience, Americans do that. I love how they whoop when people say America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is potential. There is potential. In the same way that you're like, is anyone in the studio tonight from, uh, the north? And they'll be like, we'll go, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not in your face, no. If anything, it's beating,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, but it needs to be like, why are you doing it? It should be to like help, it should be like to help the reduction or something like that. You could call it, Jeremy, we need to spin this, you know, in the same way that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get like, um, get like a roof bit for the driveway as well. Get like some pillars. Like a carport. Put like a little roof on the driveway. Yea, like a, like a, like a railway station.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. You don't have that much space. There's a car park on the other side isn't there? Who's using that? On the other side of what? Cars!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So interestingly, I did read an article which was, it was a, they sort of, uhm, they had a paper from like 1910.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this guy had sat down and said, I'm going to try and predict, you know, this is the way things will be done in the future. And there were quite a few things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That he was right about. There was a lot he was wrong about, but there were some things like people would be able to work via some kind of remote...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a better way to do this, wouldn't it be cool if? I remember games, didn't you remember when I was a kid I remember playing games at my friend's house, I'm thinking, one day we'll be able to just do this, I'll be in my house, they'll be in their house, it'll work, I don't know how, like we had no idea what the system would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there would be this whole network called the internet that was going to be constructed and we'd all be on it. Like, that was not a thing. And the idea that I could be wirelessly onto it, mind-blowing. But you could also imagine it, if you were a smart person. I mean, after C. Clarke, didn't he come up with geosynchronous satellites? Wasn't that his idea? And everyone copied that? I'm pretty sure it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I don't know if in, I don't know if, I think that was just the hoity-toity end of society that was ankle. I'm pretty sure everybody else was just doing whatever the fuck they wanted. And porn was a thing, for sure. I'm pretty sure one of the first films ever made was pornographic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My Discord has become a place where a lot of people just hang out and chat, because obviously, I mean, they've always done that, but generally around playing games. Whereas now people are watching TV shows together and they're chatting on my Discord and stuff like that, like it's a real little community, and I like that. One of the conversations we had the other day was about, uh, gay slang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because one of my mods is a gay guy, and he's the sort of, he's the go-to authority on what is a bear? What specifically makes a gay man a bear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so he's, he's gay and he gave us the full lowdown. Right. And I thought it'd be fun if we did a quiz, cause like me, you guys are probably gonna be clueless about most of this stuff. So I've got a couple of tests for you guys that I've prepared ahead of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, you each get a turn to answer each question. Uh, what is a bear? This is quite an easy one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bears, one of the oldest and largest subgroups of the gay community. Bears are on the heavier side, they're muscular, beefy, chunky, uh, they wouldn't dream of shaving their body hair, so they're covered in hair, they're big lads, and they have a beard, and they exude masculinity, but they're apparently some of the kindest men you meet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is very accurate. A baby bear. As bears are typically older men, the cubs are younger men who will be bears. They're on their way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so here we go. Chicken slash twink slash twunk. And I want definitions for each of those three. Chicken, twink, twunk. As they're related, but there's a subtle difference between each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like a young, slightly effeminate gig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the example that, the example that Dave gave me was, Justin Bieber was a chicken, then he became a twink, and now he's beefed up, he's a twink. Right. What, has Bieber beefed up? He's beefed up, yea. Alright, so here's the next one. An otter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is exactly right. That is enough. They come in all shapes and sizes, uh, with all ages and all different kinds of facial hair, but they're not big enough to be a bear and that's not small enough to be a twink. So kind of medium build. They often trim their chest hair and manskeet their bodies, but they always have at least some hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, they're similar to an otter, they're somewhere between a twink and a bear, but the key difference is they tend to be lean and muscular and sexually aggressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're sort of, you know, on the hunt sort of thing. So a wolf might be one that you would warn a twink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the author is a description of a person. I think, yes, no, alright, yes, absolutely right. Jim Rat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, a pig is purely focused on sex and they're often into the kinkier and perhaps seedier sexual practices. That's a pig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what a chicken was, what might a chicken be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly right. An older man who pursues chickens and twinks and twinks. That's a chicken orc.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But there's body type, what they're, what they're into, perhaps a bit of their dating style, their personality, what kind of sex they're looking for. So a lot of these will be on Grindr. So if you look on Grindr, it'll describe very simply, I'm a this, I'm looking for a that, bam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like you were saying, I think it's a very male way of approaching dating. Having a code, understanding...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys that are definitely bears, they fit the cat, that would be the description. And alright, they might not be like a typical bear, but generally that's how you would describe it. Do you reckon people try- You know that kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I guess you can. I mean, you can go from chicken to twink to twunk. Yeah. Presumably, if you were an otter and it wasn't working out, maybe become a bit more wolfy or you start off as an otter and you, you know, you end up, end up as a wolf and then maybe later you become a chicken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think it's interesting what you were saying about, as straight men, if we were to categorise women as animals according to this very specific category and say, I'm a this and I'm looking for a that, I think it would go down very poorly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is interesting, because if you were on Tinder and we just had a heterosexual equivalent of describing who we are in animal terms, like according to a very specific set of stereotypes, and we're looking for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say that you're more of a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're looking for some polar bears. Classic otter. Hairy chest, but you know, not hair everywhere. But I'm not big enough to be a bear. I'm not lean enough to be a twink or young enough. I'm not a wolf, so I have to fit into a group somewhere. I think you're your own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought it was interesting. I just thought it was a really funny, a really funny way of, I mean, and, and if you look on Grindr, it is apparently just, just like that. Very list based, very sort of targeted. This is what I am. This is what I'm looking for. Yea or nay. Especially if you're a bear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course they're not, but I mean, for instance, I would describe myself as a nerd, but that doesn't sum me up in one word, does it? Any more than calling someone a bear sums them up in one word. I just think it's interesting that this is definitively, you know, this is used, this is not like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it would be very hard for a woman to ruin her dating profile with what she put. In terms of the wording, I think most men would just be looking at the pictures and thinking, that looks great. Rather than thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She looks fantastic and she's in the area and she's single but, I don't know, she put nerd. You know what I mean? I don't think that would really happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think so? But I mean also there was a lot more. Where there were pictures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was also, I think a lot more gay clubs and bars were, were the same because it wasn't, I mean it's far more accepted now than it was even when I was younger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think, I think it's, it's, it's probably the online stuff is, is facilitated, but I certainly think it's, it has killed the, um, the gay bar and pub scene because they, they just don't need their, their own, uh, their own, you know, pubs to hide in anymore. Cause I think people are more accepting. I would hope so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dating side of things fascinates me because it seems so simple. It seems so much more pared down and efficient and simpler and transactionary and just like, this is, this is me, this is what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hit me up, rather than the more complex sort of nature of male and female relations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The uni bar or a club or something, and there would be girls on him instantly. Instantly!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, they were fighting over this guy. And it was, it was crazy. And uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just, you know, if he met a woman and he wants to have sex with her, she'd probably be up for it. It was just that, that. It was terrifying. He was very, it's not terrifying, he was just very tall and good looking guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just had, you know, he's very cool. He was a giraffe. He was a tall guy. He was, I wouldn't even call him a wolf. He didn't need to aggressively pursue anything. He was just like a giraffe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To boil down homosexuality to Grindr is, you know, we're just, we're just messing about. Obviously, it's not like every single gay man is on Grindr night and day, just pounding the buttons and saying, oh, I'm bare looking for this. It's just, it's just a completely different take on the dating app. And I think it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can't, you can't sustain a relationship over years and years and have it be the same as when you first met. You just can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because for one thing, you know each other way too well. The, the intrigue is not the same as it was when you were just starting out. So you need to find other ways to still be interested in each other and still, I mean, I think the main thing is if you can have a laugh, that is such a huge, like if you have no humor relationship with your significant other, if you literally never make each other laugh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, when I, when I know people and I look them up on Facebook or whatever, or you know, I'm chatting to them, I'm like, what kind of stuff do you like to do? And they say, running.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you are a very dull person. If you are listing that as an interest, I really don't want to know you. Because it's a solitary exercise. And I was watching a show the other day and there was this couple on there. I think it was location, location, location. In fact, it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the couple were talking about how they met, and they'd met on some exercise thing, I don't know, they were running up a hill or something, and they were both like, ooh, that was fun, and they thought we should get married because we both like doing this. And they showed both of them,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm absolutely on board with that. More power to them. I'm very happy for them. I am just saying, how can you live that way? You brainless animals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a squirrel's interest, if a squirrel's interest was running up trees, collecting nuts, you'd say, yeah, well, it's a squirrel, they're just simple animals. If a human being said to you, what's my interest? Uh, eating well and running. Fuck me. That's boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how I had this idea, cause I'm a complete bumbling oaf. Like the number of times, cause I don't even notice, I'm banging into stuff, I'm knocking things over, spilling things, I'm always cracking my shin on things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think people that are on edge are less clumsy because they're constantly, like, terrified and... Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so I found out the other day that Terry Crews isn't actually bald. He's not. He shaves with a razor every day. He raises his head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's exactly why he said he does it. However, I was appalled because I considered him one of the most successful bald men around. Like, he owns the look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always, like you said, always known Terry Crews as bald. Terry Crews is bald, I thought. And he's rocking it. What a cool dude. Does it on purpose. And I'm officially announcing he is out of the bald brotherhood and we will not be accepting him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should categorise and order things according to a very simple set of rules, like cricket or something, you know, so it's very, very straight forward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, currently serving in the Air Force, so it's a military thing, angel food. Jeez. Basket shopping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so cruising. Wait, people do that? Yes, of course. Cruising, alright, but specifically it's examining their, uh, their private area through their clothing. So trying to get a glimpse of what are they packing. So in Sips' case, obviously they'd see his fucking huge Johnson a mile away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A chapstick lesbian. So you've heard of a lipstick lesbian, right? Which is like a lesbian who's very glamorous and sort of dolled up makeup, all the rest of it. A chapstick lesbian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so sort of sporty and athletic, so they might not be wearing makeup, but they'd wear chapstick. I thought that was quite funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this is having a wank after you failed to pick someone up. Oh. This horrible discharge. Right. I like that one. Uh, fish and chips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it was nineties, it was nineties slang for the spouse and children of a married quote unquote heterosexual lover. So a guy that had a family, so his wife is the fish, the kids are the chips. So that's why. So it's like his beard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very, it's very difficult and very sad. I'm a big Philips GoField fan. For going back to the- You are? Yes, the broom cupboard days. He didn't grow up here. He presented kids TV for like 10 years. He did, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was him and Gordon the Gopher in the broom cupboard, which is kind of funny, he was in the closet presenting, uh, with Gordon the Gopher and they introduced the shows and it was fucking great! What's a Gopher?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the only way we get changed. You would hope that those ideas, I mean they are definitely, all these changes take time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's always generational. I mean, if you went back and came out as gay in a school in the 19th century, you would be locked up. And in the 50s, you would be fired. It was illegal to be gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's... It's always close. It's such a fucked up... I think at heart, most of the country is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty much on the fence about most stuff. And you just have to lean one way or the other and that's pretty much it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you wouldn't call anyone in government over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Particularly extreme, I mean, pretty same. No, of course, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I think the problem is? Is that people think that their opinion counts for shit. And it doesn't. Like I'm sorry, but most people's opinion doesn't fucking matter. And they should just shut the fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They shouldn't do that. They genuinely shouldn't do that. The public gets the chance to vote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You shouldn't go to them with every fucking policy and see what they think, because you're never gonna get a conclusive yes or no. And you're gonna piss off a whole bunch of them and anger a bunch of them. If it's the right fucking thing to do, do it. How about that? Have some experts sit around and come up with some good ideas, and then do that. We're gonna do this. This seems like a good idea. This is our policy. We're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't give a fuck what the public thinks. What do they know? What do I know? I don't know anything about fucking economics. Why is, why is my opinion, why is my opinion suddenly important? Why is every cunt's opinion suddenly fucking important? Guess what, people? They're not. We're idiots. 99% of us are idiots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do we matter? Our opinion doesn't matter. The only opinion we have is you decide whether, I get to decide with a bunch of other people whether you're elected into power or not. That's it. If you can convince me with a bunch of good ideas, go for it. But I don't have to, you don't have to fucking explain them to me. Just say, here's this idea, we've done the numbers, and it's a really good one. It may not even appeal to you, but you have to trust us, this will work. Cool. I mean that's basically what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let the experts handle it. Why did we stop believing people who knew what they were doing and started trusting Joe Public? We're idiots!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all, it's all everything's framed in terms of the economy and is it, is it going to make money? I don't, I don't think everything is as perilous as it, I mean, everything is, everything doesn't need to be this perilous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I mean? Like, work and everything, it used to be much simpler, it's been made more complex and terrifying, and people are so scared of the economy because it's all hinging on so many factors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think things used to be simpler, I think now it's so much more complicated that people are living in the- and they're kept in this state of constant fear and terror.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the thing about the politicians is, because everybody thinks their opinion is now so important, and they've become used to arguing their case, because of the internet I think, especially over the last 20 years, everybody suddenly has a platform, a forum, or Twitter, or Facebook, or any of that shit, that they think that their opinion is important, so they want to see their opinion reflected in their leaders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the problem is, most people's opinions are fucking terrible. So you have leaders who go up and what do people say about, he looks like the kind of bloke I'd like to have a pint with. No one was saying that about Anthony Eden. No one gave a shit. You know what, nobody fucking thought that Gladstone was a bloke they'd like to have a pint with. They were just thinking, yeah, he's a good man for the job. Now he's got to be your mate. From down the pub, who spouts the same shit. He doesn't drink pints, he drank champagne in the bath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Yeah. Get your karate costumes on. Yeah. And just, just be ready for anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's weird. And then- But this is like anyone describing their Rimworld saves. We've been there. You know, it's like, you're like, so I was starving to death and, uh, my dog started- I bite my leg off, but then I killed my dog. I had to eat the meat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then another man came and he killed me and then he was my main setup and he ate the man who had the one leg. Yeah. And then he chopped his own dick off and ate it. You know, like that's just like in the game, that's like nothing, right? So you've got like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you have to worry about whether or not you're turning into some insane psychopath, dictator, lunatic in Fallout 4. We know that's happening. You're doing that. That's exactly what's happening. But it's in a game, so it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you were playing it in like a fairy world, imagine if it was all like, instead of chopping up, instead of gladiatorial combat, imagine you were like, I don't know, fight, like, like having flowers. Right. Like kiss each other. Yeah. And then the one that fell asleep, you put in a lovely bed. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It got processed into dye. No, hang on. Uh, no, nevermind. Uh, do you know what I mean? If it was like, cause you can see this stuff, right? Every game has like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's doing great during the lockdown. He's got, his normal life is pretty shit because he's got a real job on the railways. He has to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's been working on the railways for the 20 years now. Um, and it's crazy to think that that's the thing. And it's, it's, I want to say it's knackered. But it's kind of like a hard job and people get like, you know, like you could imagine if you're a fisherman or something like that. So that's a hard job. That's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From my brother's angle, I feel like he's looking better than ever. He's had like a good, good couple of weeks, four weeks, six, six, eight weeks off. All right. So listen, listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think 18 year olds are installing nude mods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, to me it's not at all. To me it's like you're playing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A kind of more fun version of Satisfactory where you're just building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you were working today, Sips, if you were growing up today in like, I don't know, China, let's just say China, where they're trying to automate everything and they have all these young kids and they bring them in and they're like, okay, you three genius whiz kids are going to make this factory that employs a thousand people. You're going to build some crazy little raspberry pie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I gotta do like some setup and stuff. What are you doing? What are you doing, P-Flex? Playing Dota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like Dota with the, I dunno, it feels a little bit more like you're interacting with other people too, because often times you play Dota and you're either solo in a safe lane, or solo in the jungle, or solo in the mid, and other people are there on your team, but they're not necessarily interacting with you for the first half an hour of the game. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been playing, uhm, this week I've been playing a board game called Arkham Horror. Oh yea, right. And I'm playing it, I'm playing it after I played a game called Eldritch Horror, which is made by the same people. Yep. And also, it's made by the same people who made Mansions of Madness, and they've got the same characters, it's fancy flight games, it's like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The app sort of tells you what to do and spawns enemies and, and you kind of, it's set in the kind of Cthulhu mythos, um, universe, um, of all, of all of that eldritch spookiness in, in Arkham, in Massachusetts, in, um, 19, I don't know, 25, whatever it is, kind of. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and I don't know much about that setting and I'm not very good putting myself in it. It's something, it's a setting which I would like to get into but I just haven't been exposed to enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, and it's, you know what it is, it's the kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kind of noir detectives and the sexy dilettantes and uhm, I don't know, trumpet playing guys, do you know what I mean? It's kind of a very unique setting. Anyway, I've been playing these games because they're co-op, uhm, where you're kind of, and they've got very good


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And because of that, like, not only is the game very heavily campaign based, i.e. there's 20 or 30 different stories, like little D&D adventures to play through with your friends,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but also, like, there's a load of fan-made ones. I found, uhm, like a Stranger Things one, and a Batman one, and a few other silly ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, it's like a little, the one I've been playing at the moment is a, what's called a living card game. Uhm, and obviously I'm super into card games. You'd always have been, and this, and this is, uhm, rather than a collectible one, which is just random packs like Magic the Gathering or Hearthstone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's, it's a living card game so all you have to do is buy the expansions and then it's like a deck building game and if you buy all of the expansions you have all the cards and so you don't have to buy booster packs or trade or do any of that crap. Uhm, and you could just use other people's stuff and share. Anyway, there's a really good tabletop sim mod for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, so you don't even have to buy any of the cards, which is nice. And all, all I've done all week is just like look at, look at the stats and be like, oh, this card would do this. And then I've occasionally played a few, I played a few games with different people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did a few adventures, and it just felt like a really good way to play games. Like, it was, it was engaged in my brain, but also, uhm, it was against, like, an opponent that was like the AI. I played a few other board games that were more versus as well this week, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't enjoy them as much. I felt like, I felt like when I'm playing against humans, they're very smart. And they keep tricking me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I played a game against, I played a game against Ben, uhm, this week. A natural gamer. That lad can game. A natural gamer. And every fucking turn he would outsmart me with some shit. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did not plan for this. Like, I had these crossbows that were able to sort of move backwards when they got charged, you see. So I thought, oh, I'll just keep them on the side here and then Ben tries to charge them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just, I was just moving backwards. And so what Ben did was, instead of charge him, he just moved his horsemen right up into their face. So I was like, oh shit, cause I hadn't planned for that. Cause I thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, it was like an unexpected play for me. Um, cause I thought, well, why wouldn't he charge? You know, even cause that would, but because he didn't charge, it didn't trigger my ability and it didn't do this thing. And he just outsmarted me and I felt stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever get that when you're playing a game against people? Never, I'm highly intelligent, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, but that's where madness lies. This is like that Cthulhuian nightmare, because then you start getting into like, what, so if he knows that I know that he knows, that I know that he knows, then you start doing this search cycle, and then you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now it's time to introduce our very first sponsor for the Triforce Podcast, and it's something that I actually use at home, ExpressVPN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we all know how ExpressVPN protects your privacy and security online, right? Here's something you might not know. You can also use ExpressVPN to unlock movies and shows that are only available in other countries. Now that so many of us are stuck at home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's only a matter of time until you run out of stuff to watch on Netflix. I just fire up the ExpressVPN app


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Change my location to the UK, refresh Netflix, and that's it. You can choose from almost 100 different countries. So just think about all the Netflix libraries you can go through. Love anime?


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So occasionally I get recommended chess videos on YouTube. I think I've spoken about this with Magnus Carlsen mostly. And he has a site where people can play chess against him. And his actual chess site thing is that you have to, I think you've got three minutes each for the entire game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and so I don't even, watching this thing means I can watch a video in like six minutes, you know, cause it's like, it's quite, it's quite good, like as a YouTube content, you know, a chess game, cause you'd imagine a chess game to be like fucking hours and hours, right? Just people sat there silently staring at a board in a big arena, but no, this is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Magnus' face kinda with a bad webcam, like looking up at his like double chin sort of situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he's just like mumbling as he like, just crushes this guy at chess and occasionally some guy will do something weird and he'll be like,