[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, who's, who's getting a phone call? Have we already started? Are you already? You guys need to be better at this. It's someone at the door. What, what, what, what, what, what? Come on, come on. First of all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I played a game yesterday, which I'm going to sort of talk about on, on, on tip and stuff, but it was, it impacted me. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called One Hour, One Life, right? It's made by one guy. Right. And the idea is that you're, you're basically, you're born, okay, to another player, like another player gives birth to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you're a baby and you're helpless and you have to, you can't feed yourself or anything. Over the course of an hour, you grow up and then that's how long your lifespan is at an hour. Okay. So you have to like find food and like build shelter. It's a bit like don't starve, right? It looks like that except.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's naked and like tribal and you could give birth to more children and try and keep them alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's harrowing, and like, hard, and, and, and weird, and- It's like, sounds like a description of my penis, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how, I love how his sips just went, ah, but that's the thing about old people, right? It's always, the news you hear about them is always health related. It's sad, but it gets more and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is something you don't hear about, right? You only hear about the other side, right? Like of, uhm, good, good boys and, you know, the best boys not being looked after by bad people. You don't hear about bad dogs trying to be looked after by good people. Well, we don't know if Flax's mom is good though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And where, you know, so I was born to this- Was it fall of 76? No, so I was born to this, this woman, right? And I was like a balling baby. It's the same game, one hour, one life, right? Right. And, um, and she was like, she, she, she names you, right, as you're born. And so, so she said like, you are Hope. And I was like, oh my god, my name's Hope. And when you're a baby, you can only like type one letter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I type out like M-U-M and then I type out like L-O-V-E and then she's like, oh, anyway, uh, she like breast feeds me as a baby, right? Cause I can't do it. But you can't like do anything. You, you, you grow up and she like comes and looks after you and puts you by the fire and stuff, keeps you warm and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, it took like, it took like two minutes to get to this stage, right? And so then I start feeding myself, I start eating berries, and I start doing stuff. Anyway, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just me, it's just me and my mom there, and my gran, okay? And uhm, she gives birth to another baby, and that baby like grows up a little bit to my little sister.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and uh, and what happens is like, uh, a fucking, like. What happens is a fucking, that's a bit weird too, I mean. A bear caves nearby, and the bear like savages my mum, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so she bleeds to death, okay, so it's just me, my gran and my sister. Right. And my little sister, now mum's dead, granny can't like breastfeed her, so she dies of starvation, okay, and it's just me and gran, and so gran is like, I'm going to die soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grant's like, I'm gonna have to die soon, I'm so sorry, you're such a beautiful boy or whatever. And then she's like, you're gonna have to go find a tribe for yourself. And then she died. So I fucking ran off into the wilderness. All of this has happened in like fucking ten minutes, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking well, so I started running, okay? And I wanna tell you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was playing Dota, and I went top lane on Phantom Assassin, and there was this fucking noob on the off lane, and he was shit. But we did it without him. You know, it's like, I don't know, I don't care about your Dota game where you overcame the odds, you know. If you're telling someone about Red Dead, and you said that you kicked a dog, you know, that is like gonna fucking set everyone off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember telling you guys about this before, but like uhm, I saw one of those things where it was like a pro, like an AI wants to make decisions if it's driving a car, whether it should swerve or not, right? And people were sort of programming this thing by choosing their own morality, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes people would even pick, like, a granny over, like, a fucking woman with a baby in a puss chair. It was, it was men-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like your friends kids are okay because they're like well enough, I don't know, but random kids and random people are just, you can see why like people aren't very kind to other people sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is exactly, that's exactly it, Sips, right? Okay, cause I assume any idiotic thing I hear anywhere is trolling. I just automatically, my brain is like, okay, you're trolling me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is I sort of have to though. It almost restores my faith in humanity, right? Because trolling is quite, quite good, right? It's quite smart, it's quite funny, I like it. And so I assume that all these people who watch these flat earth videos, even the people who make them themselves,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, listen, I think it's more of a problem of, like, a psychological problem, right, of people who have had no fucking education, okay, no education to the point where they can rationally think scientifically at all, right, just being stubborn and, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just going to get worse. Yeah. Honestly, PFLAX, this isn't the first time it's happened. Like, I'm pretty sure a while back...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was this guy going around saying that this guy in the sky with a big grey beard had sex with a woman but he was like a ghost man or something and he could see everyone all the time and he knew everything that everyone did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of, one of these men was his son, and he was just like a virgin birth, and he, he kind of preached all this stuff about being good to each other, and you know, there was no evidence for it, but a lot of people picked up on it, and you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there was a government investigation into it, and you know, that only caused more, you know, big corporations getting involved, like to hide the profits, like you know, big, big Coca Cola, you know, they're involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So as I said, right, I think we need to just not, we don't need to round them up or do anything like that, because that's crazy, that won't convince them. What we need to do is we need to just insidiously seed into their theories, even bonkers-y things, like, that they believe that, like, if it was like, I don't know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is that even if this happened in cavemen times, right, and one tribe got the idea that, you know, these specific berries would make you have a bigger dick, right, or bigger erection or whatever, then people would be fucking cramming those berries down and that idea would spread. What are these berries called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today we're investigating an old tomb found when from caveman times. It appears that all the men of the tribe


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bet you never saw me coming. How deep do you think that a hole has ever been drilled?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's about, it's almost, it's seven and a half miles deep, so I guess it's about ten kilometres. I think it's in Russia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think, okay, here's a question, P-Flex. Do you think, this is a conspiracy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So who's, so who's more angry, right? Cause angry nutcases who believe in flat earth and nightshade dickberries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they go nuts about that. They love dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything else, all the other animals, we're fucking eating them. We're, we're breeding them in tiny little pens, over and over again, feeding them like, fucking off themselves, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, a lot of the time we were grinding up dead fucking bits of the animals that we ate and feeding them back to the animals. That's how we got like BSE. That's a relatively recent thing. I was looking at the fucking fish food, Duncan's fish. Fish food's made of fucking fish! Are they okay with that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insane amount of, of land on earth is like handed over to breeding cows, like something like 40% of the US land is, is for like, like raising animals that we're gonna kill, okay? And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're putting the rest of the fucking animals in zoos to look at and stare at in tiny cages sometimes, you know, some of these other countries. I went to some places when I was away in Japan and it was like, man, it was like super cruel looking at some of these situations and I was really upset by some of the stuff I saw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and it's pretty bad in some countries, I'm sure it is, and I'm sure it's good, like, in some countries and stuff, I'm sure it's bad. Anyway, that's the third thing we do with animals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not native anymore. They're not foxes or wolves or, you know, whatever they used to be. They're, like the birds, even birds, like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the time, they won't even like try and fly away because they can't live. Or if they did escape from a cage, they'd just die instantly. You can't like just release a parrot out the window, it'll fucking get killed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like fucking be nice to you and your pet that you're having that you've mutated and grown in your fucking house. I mean, sure, they probably, he probably wants to get you back for a start, right? He's like thinking, look at what you've done. I'm sick of it. He's given you a horrible time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so let's just round that off by saying, how about, why is it so bad if you had that dog put down? At the first sight, if you're being a little cunt, you were like, hey dog, do you know what, fuck you, bam, here's a little injection, you're dead, I'll fucking throw you in the bin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, can't quite, can't quite commit. Would you have picked the dog or the gran in the AI driving thing? P-flax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Christ. Such a soft tongue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little fish, they love to have sex with the coral. Right, change of the channel girls, let's watch something else. Put their little fish sticks into the coral, and for every one of them that has sex with the coral, one of them must die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finally a podcast about old people fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There isn't. No, that's the thing. I don't think there's that many people out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to younger people now. It's a sign of my age. They come at me with all this stuff and I'm just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, like all this like Marvel and Endgame and Game of Thrones. Like, fucking get over it. It's a TV fucking series and it's ending this season. Like, Jesus Christ. Like, why do people just lose their minds about this stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find something to do. Jesus Christ. It's gonna be done in three episodes and then you're gonna have to find something else to do with your dumb fucking time. So figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate how good we have it. You know what, I watch these, I watch my stories and I love them. You know, I think back, think back to when I was a kid and how bad, bad shit was and now I'm like, I'm living the dream. This is why grandma can relate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's like those people who use two crutches as well. Fuckin' so greedy. Just use one, you baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was watching, uhm, I don't even know why. I fucking hate the show, but it was on TV before something else was on it. It was, uh, you know, watch, watchdog, you know, like the one where they, they talk about like the police one. No, not watch. That's crime, crime, crime watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, okay, yeah, let me just have a look and then he like pulls a dead pigeon out of his bag. He like puts it in the fireplace. He's like, oh, oh look, what's that? She's like, oh my god, there's a dead pigeon in my fireplace. He's like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta nest up there. You're gonna need to get a blocker up there and you're gonna have to do some roof work. So like he uses it to like upsell like all this other crap that people don't need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So his big thing is, is, you know, these, these dead birds and planning dead birds and stuff. So the way that they catch him is they invite him over to a house, a staged house, and then they're like, Oh, can you have a look at


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grilling him hard, you know, putting him on the spot, the cameras are all in his face and everything, and his excuse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'll do anything he can to ensure the safety of every wild creature on the planet and that's why he does the things that he does. Cause he cares so much about wildlife and he doesn't want birds to die in chimneys and fireplaces, yeaah. So he's an eco-terrorist chimney sweeper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, but then goes on to actually try to sell himself as, you know, some sort of fucking wildlife evangelist or something, you know, like he's just like the nicest guy on the planet, just so caring about wildlife and it's unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just that passion dripping out of every, every pore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a little peg leg. Maybe you could, you know, you could, you could whittle one at home and then bring it in. And if you, next time you see him, just pin him down and install it for him and then he'll have a little, a little peg leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, fuck's sake. Pigeons don't eat that much crap though, do they? They eat a lot of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They want to eat bread and seeds and stuff like that, whereas Seagull will just- Seagull will lick up our food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why there was uhm, that's why we didn't have uhm, there was two weeks of no Triforce podcast as well because of those protests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, it's something, something's eventually gonna happen, right? The, the, I think the earth will just like somehow correct itself, whether it's like that or flooding or an ice age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enough of the ice caps melt and enough flooding happens where it like wipes out a large part of the human race or an ice age ends up killing or climate change leads to like massive droughts and everybody starves or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying that the planet is intelligent enough to know what's happening, I'm just saying that it has cycles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. They do dump a lot of rubber ducks in the ocean for no reason, but I think, I think, I think it can, I think it'll, it'll be fine unless, unless it gets hit by like a fucking asteroid the size of Texas or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why you're so obsessed with a goal. I'm not even talking about a goal, I'm just saying. Like, people are like, really concerned about the planet, but I think the planet will be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is it's going to take forever for these shifts to happen because they're all off the back of profits, like all the time, right? It's not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never coming from the point of view of we need to make these changes desperately now and in a big way to avert this crisis. It's, it's all coming off the back of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They discourage them, but then you get like Volkswagen put those fucking devices to cheat the emissions tests. And this is what you're dealing with. You're dealing with just a bunch of fucking cunts who are only concerned with money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're not concerned at all with the environment and even less so with fucking human, um, life and wellbeing. And they cheat because they have a lot of money and power and people who are fucking stupid enough to do it for them. And that's what's gonna happen time and time again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I can't believe that shit's still, it's still going on. You know, like, there's still labs in the world now for like these big companies where, you know, they're testing things on animals and stuff and you just think, well how the fuck, in 2019, how is this still happening? It's crazy, like, we, we should, should be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I would just not give you, I wouldn't give anybody money. That's the thing with me. Like it doesn't matter who you are or what you need, I'm not going to give you any money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'd say? In that case, I'd say lover, love, love, love loving you, but I'm broke. I'm broke and it ain't no joke. I can't lend you the money. I'm sorry. You're going to have to go and take out a loan from the bank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it might work. No, I would dice, I definitely wouldn't. I think like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know anybody who's, like, I don't have any friends or family who have ever asked me for money. Like, uh, that's a completely alien, I've never asked anybody for money and I've never been asked for money. Which I think is a great place to be in as an adult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, but, you know, you were just like, do this, but I thought about it. I was like, okay, like it's just my time. I don't actually have to give any money or whatever. It may or may not work. I'm not too bothered either way sort of thing. So yeah, I'll give it a try sort of thing. And now I drive a Porsche and I fucking live in a mansion and stuff. So it's like, great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the time, you know, it wasn't like, it still wasn't one of those things where it's like you have to pay, you have to invest into it sort of thing and then hopefully get your money back or more or whatever. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like, you just like, anything that involves somebody trying to like sell you the idea, like, you must just be a bit dubious of, right? Like, it just, some things are just too good to be true, right? Like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's, it's fine, I came back, I woke up, I didn't get much sleep last night, you know, so uhm, you know what else as well guys, my parents have been over this weekend, it's killed me, it's absolutely destroyed me. I don't know what it is with people visiting, I find it so utterly draining, like it's just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they didn't. When we were in Canada, they were there with us for the first four days, I think it was, and then they flew off because they went on a cruise, an Atlantic, they went on this Atlantic cruise, which then ended in Portugal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then from Portugal, they flew up here for 10 days or whatever. So they leave on Sunday and it's Thursday today. So I still have a couple of days with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if you guys are in a similar situation, but I see them for like a week every like year, sometimes two years. So it's like, I'm not used to being around them really. A lot of the conversation is just, cause I don't, we don't like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, like, I speak to them, like, on WhatsApp and stuff. So like every, like, you know, every once in a while it's just like, uh, hey, have you watched Game of Thrones? Yeah, I watched it. Okay. You know, just shit like that. So like, so it's always like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the conversations are like these big like explanations on why we live where we live or like why I'm doing this or why I'm doing that stuff and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't have to justify anything, they're like, they're, they're, they're pretty like, yeaah, they're pretty laid back and stuff, but it's just like, I don't know, it's like, you feel like you need to keep them entertained because they've come from far away and stuff, and, uh, I don't know, it's just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, and like I, like I, I partly feel responsible for that and like part of me like recognizes that they're fully grown adults who could probably entertain themselves as well. Like managed it for 70 years. And figure out how to do stuff or whatever. So it's not so bad. It's just draining. It's just really draining. Like it's just a lot of FaceTime where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, normally I would just be fucking sitting on the, on the shitter, like, you know, playing an iPad game or whatever. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's, it's a break in your normal routine that you, you just about survive in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regularly, they're, they're a lot more hands-on and helpful, which is great because it like takes a load off us, but with my, with my parents, we barely see them. So there's, it's not, they, they have no sort of in for being helpful. You know what I mean? Like they can't just like start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time my kids see them, it's like, been so long that it's just almost like they start from scratch sort of thing. So it's not like, oh yeah, can you just like look after the kids all day? They'd just both be crying because it's like effectively strangers looking after them sort of thing, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like hard for them to get involved and help and stuff and it just feels like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it just feels like extra work on top of like already a lot of work sort of thing. Whereas my wife's parents actually come in and like ease the burden in a lot of ways because like I said, we see them often and they just come in and they know how to help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the best way to be, like in situations like that, and I think the way that gets the most results is to act like you don't care. Like not be rude about it, but just like, like even if you met the queen, just be like, no, hey, you know, like, is that what you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then that could lead into, I think I need somebody like that on my team. And then, and then she'd be like, hey, you wanna, you wanna be like my mind or whatever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, like we've had conversations with Lewis in the past on like gaming, Tinder and stuff like that. Honestly, I think it would work on women as well. I think if you act like you're just not interested or whatever, that's more attractive to a woman. I think a woman would like fall head over heels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He feel cool, like a teenager. Yeah. Oh my god. I'd be like that with anybody. That's going to be my new thing. I'm going to do that from now on and see if I can reap some good stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids just go crazy. They go bananas about like the dumbest things though. Like I think there's, you know, I think, I think I want to be the polar opposite of that. I want to be so sort of like, you know, like fucking, you know, so like Obama comes to your house for a state visit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have to like cook them up some hot dogs. Yeah, yeah, you gotta cook them up some hot dogs or something. But you, and then he turns up and he's like, oh yeah, I was really looking forward to these dogs. And then you're like, ah, forgot to make them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, so do we have something special planned for the 100th episode or not really? No?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I got some stick last week because I talked about Mormons, which I still think was hilarious, but some guy on Twitter was quite upset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is his comment, which he then edited for some reason, but I found it interesting because it's kind of a rambling and angry comment. Uh, so he says, cults are just social pyramid schemes. And I thought that was like a reasonably interesting statement. False stop. Mormon is a slur. He then says that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be like saying that referring to someone as a Christian is a slur just because you should call me a Protestant or a Catholic. I don't agree with that, but anyway. He says especially given the large differences between, and then he says LDS


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] RLDS, FLDS, which all seem like they have the words Latter Day Saints in. So I don't know what the R or the F stands for. I mean, he's basically saying you can't say Christian, you should say Protestant, Catholic, Baptist, you know, those are the specific versions. They're all pretty much the same thing, guys. Come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would the same conversation be acceptable to you? Seriously. The polygamy was needed because it was legal to murder a member of the church at that time. Check it out. Now I did check that out. Amazing. And I want to respond to this specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a period, I believe it was Missouri, where, uh, for four days,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a bill passed that basically said it's open seasonal Mormons, they either leave or we're gonna fucking round them up and kill them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one guy passed this, this crazy bill. After four days they got rid of it. The Mormons basically left Missouri and went west.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] End of story. There's no historical evidence that any Mormons were killed as a result of this bill, but obviously if you want to make out that they were persecuted throughout their history,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have to acronymize your religion, maybe shorten the name. If it's that long, just chill. And I also think, I just think it's funny that he wants to make out like Mormons are persecuted. They're all pretty well-off dudes as I understand it. You go over there, it's like, you know, the Midwest, they're all white and they wear nice suits and shirts and ties and they give Bibles away for free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got a whole state. Isn't Utah basically the Mormon state? Is that right? Pretty much, yeaah. They can pretty much do what they want. They got a state. Wow. What are they moaning about? So yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got no problem, I've met some Mormons there, you know, they're pretty chill, but they always say it like, yeah, I'm a Mormon, like, uuuh. You know, cause they obviously race this Mormons. The ones, like, I've never had a Mormon knock on the door, cause they don't come this far, but I've had Jehovah's Witnesses knock on the door before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell you what they're hoping. The same thing all these religious people are hoping. God's favour. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says in the Bible you've got to proselytize. You've got to go out and tell people about God, right? So you've obviously got to do that to please God. It doesn't say, it doesn't say this is a really good thing to do and you might help people. It just says you must do it because God says so. And only once everybody has heard the word of God will the second coming happen. So their mission is to make sure everybody hears it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause that's when God will come back. Like there's no fucking benevolence to it, they just know they gotta get the word out there. Bam bam bam, hit em, get those numbers up people, let's move! We gotta get streets A through Z, go go go go! Are they just on a mission?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was literally just thinking about them. Because they were on all the time. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The Mormons. Yea, and they always have like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The moments in the ads were never just sticky with sweat, dripping, looking exhausted, they've been through a hundred houses of people telling them


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[Assistant] You know what they always, they always make me, they always make me think of dentistry for some reason. When I think of Mormons, they're kind of sterile, it's gonna hurt and you, but they're still kind of nice about it kind of thing. It's like this weird dentistry thing. I can't put my finger on it.


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[Assistant] I, I probably would, I'm not going to actually, like, try to, to, to come up with all the words, because that, that, I don't want to type, it's too loud, but- Well no, okay, first of all- I'll give you my rough story outline, I wouldn't begin with, with that opening, I would, I would start with-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of walk back and he's thinking about things like his cleaner and stuff like that. So the end of the story should be the fact that he realizes.


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[Assistant] That he, you know, he's debating in his mind, is it fair at this point? But then he's debating, surely all death is essentially unfair, so does it matter if it comes unexpectedly? And in a way, they've had more time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How does he make up for his mistake? Does he have a master? Like there are lots of questions that I'd like to ask. There's a lot of deep stuff here. Well let me just stop you before you get started. That's not one you can just come up with. Oh go on, you've already cracked it. I've cracked the death story everybody! Lewis Brinley has cracked the story! Here we go.


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[Assistant] I think Lewis was annoyed that it felt like a waste of a good resource. Like, here's this good prompt, here's this great tool that Reddit could be, and instead you've got people upvoting and masturbating about something that's objectively bad. And I understand that frustration.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys noticed by the way that when you start a mail in Gmail now, as you're typing, it tries to autocomplete words for you like predictive text.


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[Assistant] I have actually re-read a couple of books, uhm, that I've, I had read some time ago. I re-read, uhm, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, which I recommend. I think we spoke about it previously, uhm, maybe we didn't. I have a friend of Mrs. F's, her, her, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the character, the main character in Curious Incident is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Autistic and it's an interesting look inside the mind of someone suffering from quite debilitating levels of autism but they're all very different.


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[Assistant] So I had a lot of questions from my friend and I said, you know, uh, can you hug your child? She was like, absolutely, she loves hugs, but...


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[Assistant] You can't kiss her, because then she's just wiping the part of the face where you've kissed her for like an hour, because she's like convinced there's still something on there and stuff. So it's like, I thought it was interesting to read that now, knowing someone who's autistic. So I thought that was interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I'm also, I reread The Godfather, which is just, honestly, if you haven't read the book, it's, it's excellent.


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[Assistant] You know what, I was thinking about the Gmail thing and I quite like the fact that, I mean, there's no penmanship anymore. Like I used to, I used to know people's handwriting because you'd get a letter from someone you'd know straight away who it was from, from the address, you know, you'd recognise the handwriting. Like I'd recognise my mum's handwriting, my sister's handwriting, Mrs. F's handwriting, and a couple of other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, whether it be putting low after everything, or whatever, but if you have all this predictive tech stuff, much like the one button replies, I feel like it's gonna make it a lot more uniform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so people aren't gonna have necessarily their own writing style. There's gonna be a lot of people hitting tab to autocomplete words and stuff like that, which is a shame. But then, and it also, nobody's gonna be able to fucking spell. Like, you know, literally. Yes! That sounds good!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. I just think it's kind of removing any humanity left from communication by just saying, you know what, we can automate all of this. Like, there's that, that Google Assistant that will make appointments for you with the hairdressers and things like that. If you didn't see that video, check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be great. There is, there is a, there's a Chrome attachment. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, there are, there are Chrome plugins for everything. You get a Chrome plugin to please, please, uh, make my emails a bit more street smart and give them some slang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Can you imagine if EastEnders sponsored this podcast? Think of the new viewers or listeners we'd get that would be completely flummoxed. Can you f-


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[Assistant] I mean, you have to have your flu thing, like annually, like a top up to try and stop you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting the flu. I've never personally had it. The kids get it. Mrs. F gets it, but for some reason I just can't be bothered to walk five minutes to the chemist to prevent two weeks of miserable flu in the middle of the year. I don't know why I can't be bothered.


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[Assistant] Brother, I've been there with you for two weeks, it sucks. I think I'm coming to the end of it. But you know that moment, I'm sorry to get graphic, but you know that moment when you're blowing your nose and everything's clear for a week and everything's fine and you think okay, it's not going to be an infection of some kind and then suddenly,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's arrogance in there, there's also a lot of political pressure, this has to work, despite the fact it's almost impossible.


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[Assistant] Well actually they were booby traps, they were booby traps in World War 2, but they were minefields. You know, it was like a minefield, rather than you walk into a village and some kid throws a grenade, uh, you know, at you, you know, that kind of stuff, and it's like, and also they were,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the conscription for World War II was, we're gonna go fight the good fight. And it's like, we have to defeat these guys, they're the baddies. And we've got other friends who are also on the side of right, and we're gonna defeat these baddies, and we're gonna free everybody, it's gonna be great. This was much more difficult because it, it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people volunteered, I mean, there were people that signed up because they believed in it. You know, there was that kind of, I don't want to be a coward if you like, even though I think, being signed up to go and fight a war that you don't agree with, I mean, Jesus, that's a fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they had all kinds of, all kinds of crazy schemes and they had this idea for the sort of fortified hamlet, which is an idea where you get a village and you convert them to your side and then, you know, you win the hearts and minds that way because it doesn't work and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a war now, people would have video cameras and things on them. Even the soldiers would be able to film stuff, vlogs and stuff like that. It would be much harder to, to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Jimmy, who was an Irish guy, like full Irish accent, actually 100% Irish, but was an American citizen, fought in Vietnam.


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[Assistant] Whatever you could find to hand, like they'd generally just put on their shirt and run out butt naked from the waist down and just fighting for their lives because if the bass got overrun, they'd all be killed. So my main thing as a child was not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What preparation does that really give for when you're 18 and you're conscripted, or no no no no 19, as they were in Vietnam, and dropped into battle with this very childlike image of what war must be like, and all of a sudden it's like, oh wait, it fucking sucks. Like it's not-


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[Assistant] Fun or action, it's literally miserable grinding horror for the entire time I'm here and I could die at any minute.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's one of the worst things. People's expectation, the way we socialise and normalise war to the actual grim reality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you need is a good paid doctor to say no, he can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, sort of allies side, if you like, you know, the west. And then about maybe a million people on the sort of North Korean side, about the same amount wounded, 2.5 million civilians killed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's weird, it's weird, isn't it? The two wars are very close together in terms of when they happened. And very similar in theme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in different, you know, the difference was in the way they were fought, I guess, like, uh, one was more of a traditional, if you like, conventional kind of war, that the fact maybe that Vietnam was this drawn-out guerrilla war that seemingly went nowhere, and people were just sent over there, died, and nothing really changed, that that sort of was one of the factors, or was it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we've been doing it for so long, that's why we keep thinking, I'm sure we've said this before, because actually, we've done millions of episodes of Triforce, it's just that we get frozen. I'm playing a game at the moment called, um, Outer Wilds, it's excellent.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm thinking this podcast is essentially, I do a bunch of stuff and then I forget it all and then I wind back and it's the same podcast. I start, I wake up, I do the podcast and then my life is just the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kind of reminds me, do you remember when you quit Dota, Lewis, and you said that it felt like every day you were just doing the same thing. You'd get home from work, load up Dota, and we'd just play. And it made me realize, I'm basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but do you know what? Playing out a while has made me realise that more often than not in a game when I die and I go back to the beginning.


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[Assistant] The eternal city and the city of the seven hills.


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[Assistant] I mean, if you're gonna take someone somewhere on holiday, if you're gonna take someone somewhere on holiday, you don't say, we're going to the city of the seven hills. Why would they go with that one? Eternal city and city of love.


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[Assistant] I can't believe you guys have remembered your toy experience.


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[Assistant] Because people look both ways before they cross the fucking road, and because we have lots of pedestrian crossings and people don't drive like arseholes.


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[Assistant] Kevin Keegan was someone when I was a kid. Hey, what you doing not looking before you cross the road? Hey, I can't do a Scouse accent, but yeah, that's that's one of my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have one working one and a box full of broken ones that you can buy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there must be a guy, some Bangladeshi ringleader, who started this and then got more of his mates to come over, saying, Look, you won't believe how many euros I made, uh, just selling these stupid toys I bought from China. Now where's he getting them from? Is he going on the internet and looking up stupid toys from China?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the problem with being a tourist and going to somewhere like that is everybody else has had the same fucking idea. Everybody. It's like when people say are you gonna go see...


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[Assistant] Niagara Falls. I'm thinking I'm sure it's amazing, but there's gonna be like thousands of other people there at the same time.


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[Assistant] And I don't know why it takes something away, I think it's because it reminds you that all the experiences you've had in your life, very few of them are unique to you. You're all just part of billions of people doing mostly the same shit, in the West at least. Man-made stuff is different though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 82,000 people will be there at the same time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so that's just, like, that's dividing it by 365. So I'm just saying, on any given day, on average, taking seasonal variants out of the equation and holidays and all the rest of it, obviously weekends it's gonna be even more. So that number is actually gonna be higher on the day you're likely to be going there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 82,000 other people will be having the same fucking idea to go and see Niagara Falls. Doesn't- Isn't that depressing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Florence is a very, very beautiful city and far less touristy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the way I see it as well, those guys might also be selling drugs. So if I'm selling you a little squishy thing, what's to say that I don't just walk up and give you the code phrase, I would like to buy some drugs please, and you give me one from the other box. So you can sell drugs in public as well. I'm just trying to, you know, I'm an entrepreneur, I come up with these ideas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only time anyone's ever tried to rip me off in London was when I was at Victoria on my way to the coach station. Uh, I'm not a tourist, but I was going to the coach station anyway. And this guy said to me, oh, excuse me, mate, I really need some help. And I said, what's the problem? Cause I had only been living in London for like a couple of years at that point, I think. And I was just kind of a little inexperienced with bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the guy comes up and says, I need some help. And I said, Oh, what's the matter? Cause I like to help people. And he says, I need 12 quid to get back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I've just, you know, I've lost my wallet. This is the oldest fucking con trick in the book, right? They tell you the needs of money, give me your address, I'll mail it to you and all the rest of it. I've never given this guy money in a million years. But I said to him,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in the good old days when you could scam people free from police attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, here's what saddens me, there must be, there must have been a time when instead of selling this tat, these people would have had either a trade or a job somewhere. What's happened? What's happened? That means that, I mean, is it just that there are fewer and fewer need? We've spoken a little about advancement before in technology and everything, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, what has changed that means that they now want to go there and do something as a group? Like they're all coming from probably the same area and they probably know each other. Oh, that's my cousin, that's my cousin's mate, you know, all this kind of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not nice that it is in Bangladesh, is it? I mean, a thing so bad in Senegal and Bangladesh that you would rather go to Rome and sell crap, and they, I'm sure they don't live a particularly nice life. I mean, I feel awful for the fact that this is what they have to do. These are young men with nothing better to do, really? Like, what the fuck has happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were selling those wiggly worms on a little invisible thread. I always used to see people selling those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't see them at the time either, but I mean I haven't seen the leash either. They're missing out on a market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to diversify your portfolio, my dear man.


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[Assistant] No, no, that's not true. When we went to the Colosseum there were lots of people selling bottles of water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's an advancement for you that I've been reading about. A buddy of mine sent me these, these, uh, this New York Times article about these pilots in the American Air Force. I think they fly Hornets or something like that. The plane, not the insect. And they have seen these weird things on their radar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then when they get them on their little infrared camera, it's like moving unbelievably fast, changing direction, all the usual kind of UFO crap.


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[Assistant] And I kind of dismissed it because I've heard all this kind of stuff before, but I was like, why is this in the New York Times? That's, that's like a legit publication. They interviewed these guys and they confirmed the story. Like these are actual Air Force pilots. So the Air Force is like saying, we don't want to do, like they made official reports and everything. This is all above board. You can, you can look it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So me and a buddy of mine who are into this kind of stuff, uh, he listens to the Trifulves podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very fast moving objects. And so they can be, they can be quite high. Well, they can be quite high up or they can be very low, like very, very low to the, to the, to the sea. So they, they, they spotted these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And almost unlike stopping and then going like unbelievable changes of speed and direction. Like a UFO. Literally the same thing that we would normally think of as a UFO. So that was the story and my friend and I talked about it a bit and we came to the usual conclusion it's a load of bollocks. But here's where it gets interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there was an article in the Metro last week about how the US Navy has patented these new kinds of drone or like a new way of flying that basically removes inertia from the equation. Okay? So you can go very fast and then stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or go from very, from almost up to very fast and there's no inertia, there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No problem with it, like it reduces it to like 10% of what it would be or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, if that technology is real, they might be sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But a lot of the, this is like, these are not manned vehicles yet, like these are drones and things like that. They're probably quite small, but the fact that they can move as fast as they do, and they can move underwater as well, you could move them in space, like the speed potential is ridiculous. So it's like a new way of, of travelling that we haven't really thought of before. So just, just interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I read another, I read a book about aliens and the guy basically said, well the probability may be small, but the fact that we exist is like 100%.


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[Assistant] It feels like it should be like 106 or 107 by now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I enjoyed a cigar lounge at the hotel I stayed in last time I was in Cologne. It was nice. They had a woman working in the cigar lounge. There's nobody in there every time we went by. So I guess she just stands around, waits for people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is a filly? A cheap ass cigar. It's just like a cheap ass cigar, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you eat it. No, like, and she, but she had the little tool to cut the cigar and, uh, it was great. It was like all properly ventilated and everything. We were smoking cigars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get really dizzy and stuff, like the very first cigarette you have is, is pretty rough. I remember the first time we ever smoked, we managed to get somebody to buy us a pack of cigarettes, cause that used to be like the done thing. You could hang around outside a convenience store, wait for people who were going in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Behind a high school, but it was, it was, it wasn't a full forest. It was kind of like a field with, you know, like a few trees and bushes and stuff like that. And that's the kind of place you could have a portage. Well, yeah, kind of portage, but that's the first place that we ever, um, smoked cigarettes and got drunk as well. Right. Um, and it was just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we never, we didn't really use it again. It was just, it was just this random spot sort of out of the way where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were like, there were like 20 of us too, it was crazy, it was just, we, I don't know, like I guess the older you get, you sort of narrow your friends down into like a tighter knit group, but at the time, we just had this massive posse that, and everybody was just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was going to this field armed with alcohol that we managed to convince somebody to buy for us and cigarettes that we managed to convince somebody to buy for us and it was really fun. Everybody got sick and actually looking back it was pretty miserable but we felt like real men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God forbid you, you accidentally pee in your pants or something like that. You'll never live that one down. That one will follow you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeez, there was always, there was always a couple of people that sort of had a raw deal at school, right? Like they just didn't wear like the right clothes or they didn't fit in or, you know, they just had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And looking back, like you feel kind of bad, but like at the time we were, we were really mean to him. Like, uh, it was his dad, his dad had left his mom and moved away like far away or whatever. And I guess he was taking it pretty bad, but we didn't really like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, so we turned up to school one day and we always like, we walk to school so we turn up like pretty early and just like hang around in the playground or whatever waiting for like the bell to go to go in. And I guess like he was taking it particularly bad this morning and like he'd made, he'd written a song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sass starts to build up, right? They start to get stroppy and sort of like sassy, like a lot more sassy near the end of the vacation. My son went back today too. My daughter starts school, starts nursery on Monday, but she has, they have like an open like stay and play thing on I think tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some kids do. There's some parents out there who are just like, I don't fucking care. I've got kids. They're coming to the strip club with me. They're going to smoke cigars as well. They've got their own pile of dollar bills to shove down the G-strings and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got Batman survival kits like all over our house. There's always something. Like my wife's really good. She'll, she'll, she'll get something. Like we'll be on vacation or whatever and she'll buy something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll be like, oh fuck, why did you buy that? Like it's, you know, it's so much fucking hassle or super messy or whatever. And she's like, no, no, we're not, they're not using it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saving this for like, you know, when we do this or when we go here or whatever. And they're, oh yeah, that's a really good idea. You know what I mean? Like just to like keep them, keep them off your back for a bit or like, you know, for like a long plane journey or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'm the same. It's like, here, can you entertain the kids for two hours? And you're like, yeah, okay, sure. That sounds great. And then, you know, your wife leaves and you're like, all right, kids, let's watch a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all really weird as well. And speaking of board games, we bought, uh, while we were away, we went to, um, center parks in Longleat for like the 20th time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for a week this summer. It's really nice though, like the kids really like it and stuff and like we're familiar with it so we know the kind of things that we want to do or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, it was raining one day and we picked up travel battleship. Okay. I played, I played travel battleship with my son. I was really surprised at over the years, how good I'd become at battleship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have like, I have a firing pattern, I have strategy, I've got like a layout strategy for my ships and stuff. Man, my son does not have any of that, okay. Like his, his technique is he just clears row by row by row by row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like a couple games later, he was like, you know, he had like a better strategy and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He still wasn't doing like the diagonal like, uh, firing pattern, leaving spaces in between. Cause you gotta find that little like PT boat, right? The two circle one, like the small one. That's the fucker. That's the one that always survives. Yeah. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta, you gotta start off as you mean to go on with like a really tight firing pattern. Try to, try to nail that bastard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, I was really, really surprised at just how, uh, logical and efficient. Dominating you were. Dominating, yeaah. I let him win the first game though, I felt bad. So I was like, I gave him a couple of hints.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there was an element, there was an element of that too. It was late and it was approaching bedtime and everybody was tired. So I was like giving him hints, but he, it was his first game. So he wasn't following up the hits still. So I was like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I got some respect for somebody who just doesn't give a shit and doesn't even try to hide it. The ones that drive me the most nuts are the people who pretend to be completely oblivious to the fact that they're, you know, like, there's quite clearly a massive fucking line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like red pants and like a fucking, he's got red pants and like penny loafers and it has sunglasses and like a fucking straw hats or something on you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes right up to the front of the line with that stupid fucking face where he's just like, uh, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get a lot of that in big companies, like especially I find, like most of the big companies I've worked for like banks and stuff like that. You get a lot of that. Like you'll go over to a team and you'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's their responsibility, like that, you know, this certain thing or whatever. And you go over and you're like, yeah, this isn't working. Uh, it's not working for this reason. Uh, you know, like what, what, what do we need to do about this? And then they're like, oh, well, we'll just ask, uh, we'll get this person to sort it out. It's like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just like, I don't even know, like, fuck it amazes me, like, I know I say it a lot, but fuck, I don't, I don't understand how these companies even make money. Like it's stupid, they just have all of these people that just don't do shit. It's just a bureaucracy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're incapable of even doing their jobs. Like their job is to just get somebody else to do their job. It blows my mind every time. It is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I, I've got one. Okay, listen to this one. And this one didn't take place in China either. This one took place in the beautiful country of France. Okay, are you ready for this one? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disneyland Paris, okay, with my, with my family. My whole family is there. My daughter was like pretty small at the time. Uh, my son was like, was much younger at the time as well. Me and my wife are there and we got, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regrettably, uh, and we'll never do it again, we got the fucking, we got the shuttle transfer bus from the airport to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Disneyland Resort. It's like, meant to be the start of your magical journey through Disney. Yeah. A bus from the airport. It's got like Mickey Mouse on the side and you can watch a Disney movie like on the bus because it takes like an hour to get there and stuff. And like, my kids were pretty excited. They were like, oh great, you know, take the bus, whatever, blah, blah, blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we get there, we do Disney and everything. Um, but when we booked it for whatever reason, we were meant to be flying out of, uh, Paris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charles de Gaulle, the, uh, the airport, right? And then, but of course in Paris, there's another airport. There's, there's Orly airport or, oh, oh really? Like, you know, the stupid owl. So there's two airports, right? We're flying out of Charles de Gaulle, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and, but for some reason on our shuttle ticket, it said Orly airport, okay, which we were not meant to be going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This wasn't a problem coming in, you know, we got on the bus, we were like, oh hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, we're off to Disney, but our ticket said that we should be getting it from Orly airport, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the, the booking agent or whatever just said, just to mention it to you. So the guy was like, yeah, cool. Get on the bus. Like let's go sort of thing. So off we go on the way back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well we were waiting for the bus and we were kinda like pressed for time as well because we were a bit late getting out and everything and we had to get this like one specific bus so that we could get to the airport on time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it was this, it was just this woman who had the, had just the face of a jobsworth. You know, you can, you can almost see them from like a mile away. Like you could just tell like just by their demeanor and stuff that they're, they're just like that, that type of person or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's like, she lumbers over and she's, you know, she's barking at people and she's asking for tickets and stuff. And so I go up and I say, I say, oh yeah, we're, we're going to Charles de Gaulle. Like give her, give her the ticket. She's like, no, no, you're not. That says Orly on it. So yeah, I know. But like it, there was a booking problem or whatever, or they, they got it wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said to just mention it to you guys and that it's not a problem, you know, it's just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another airport, like who cares, right? She's like, no, no, I can't take you. Your ticket says Orly on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the difference? Like it's just, it's just another airport. Like I had to, so I had to like reason with her and everything. And then she's like, uh, I have to call my manager. She was like all in a big huff about it. She was like super annoyed and mad. And so she's on the phone for like 20 minutes and the whole bus is delayed and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she comes back, uh, and she doesn't even say anything. She just grabs the ticket and just starts stamping it because I guess her boss just said to her like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is your problem? Like who cares? It's just another airport. Like just take them or whatever. Uh, and I guess like, I guess she lost that battle. Right. Uhm, so it was, it was our fault that she'd been vanquished, uh, in her weird fucking battle of principles or justice in the world or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then she wouldn't speak to us for like the rest of the time and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If your boss is like the kind of guy who comes in and weighs like every spirit bottle and you know, compares that to his profits and stuff like that. Okay, cool. Maybe don't give out free drinks or whatever, but like most people like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was something else. It was crazy. We were playing mini-putt and uh, she didn't know how to hold the, she didn't know how to hold the putter or, or do anything or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I did the dad, I did the, I did the dad thing. I stood behind her, held the putter with her, helped her putt and stuff, and she was like super happy. We're doing great putts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, we were, we were, we weren't sinking balls, but she was just happy to be able to get the ball away from like the start closer to the hole or whatever. Away from her. And then so the ball would get down close to the hole. She'd run down like the green, the mini putt green, pick up the ball and put it in the hole. And that was like to her, this is how you play the game and I'm winning. Right. She was happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, cool. So we get to hole number eight. Uh, everybody's struggling with this hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we do, we do our move, you know, stand behind her, lean over, we're both holding the putter, take the putt, fucking travels down the green.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautifully curves, bam, right in, hole in one, right? My wife is like going crazy, my son's like clapping, everybody's cheering and everything. We're all so happy we managed to get this hole in one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't think I've ever been like that. My wife isn't like that either. Like we're not, we don't like, you know, have like any violent like lashing outs at objects or anything like that, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like office space, you know, when they do like that, the gangster beat down of the, of the fax machine out in the field. It was like that. She was fucking going for it. She just like was so pissed off at this golf club. It was hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we said it last time we'd had a podcast, but it's fine. You could say it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fun actually. I've had a chance to process it all and stuff and I gotta say it was good. Everything went well. It was nice. It was a really good one. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take the, uh, read to the south of Readon, and then by Swindon. Plymouth? Was Plymouth featured in it? Plymouth to other direction, friend. You hit Plymouth, gone too darn far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you mean, so when we define road trip, you're not saying driving a long way. You're talking about hitting the road and just never looking back. That kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Michael Jackson and his history of child abuse and the issue is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does the fact that you've now found out all this awful testimony, which is, let's be frank, is probably true, about Michael Jackson, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From the artist. And for example, Gauguin, whether regarded as a master, was fucking little girls out when he was painting those paintings. That's why he painted those pictures of little girls. You still see Gauguin in all the fucking galleries. There's not tape over his paintings. Why are we accepting of that? Is it just an issue of time? Is it that enough time has passed? Are we able to say, look,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he was a piece of shit, but the artwork is separate from the person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is the easy route to blame the parents. People always do. Uhm, I will just say, personally speaking, if an adult said, would your child like to have a sleepover at my house, I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, I do think there's a video by a guy called Smarter Every Day where he talks about Columbus. Just, just give it a watch, viewers at home. And if you haven't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's human nature in that we attribute things to people and that they probably shouldn't have attributed to them and stuff. Yep. It's interesting topic. Let's move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is this gravy train I hear so much about? I've never seen it. If anyone's seen the gravy train, let us know. Send us a picture of a train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find you many things whiny I would suggest is not one of them. Intriguing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably. What are you saying? You know what, Michael Jackson, he was many things. Not a whiner. Not a whiner. No. He never whined. Didn't see him whining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want a room just with giraffes and one just with zebras. Michael, are you gonna get a new metal glove? How much is it? About 800 bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, but apparently she'll fuck anybody. I mean, this guy was just some dude. Like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm, I'm a, I mean obviously I'm aware. Like there's a Twitter account called, I've no idea who that is or something. Never heard of him, it's, I think it's called. And it's people who go to a thread that say, talking about someone that everybody's heard of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what gets me? There's no avatars. Like, what I, what I like, on something awful, people had an avatar. So I got to know someone by their avatar, and yeaah, they, you know, you had to pay to change it so you didn't do it all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is people always respond to that fear with, they said the same thing when they brought in new farming techniques and all the people that they used to use as farm hands had to go find other jobs, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think that there is a difference. The fundamental difference is that we knew that new jobs would come along, that people would need people to do. Like, alright, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They improved farming to the point where you no longer needed people out there physically doing the work that now machines could do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's a difference in that once we have robots, not just a machine that makes things more efficient, but a robot that replaces a person, there's no reason that any other job that the average person does won't also fall under that same


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if we're getting to the point where driving is something the average person can do, and now robots can do that, if we get to the point where the average job is easily robotified,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do have a problem, and it's not like we can just say, oh, there'll be new jobs. It's like, well, all these new jobs will have to be magically ones that machines can't do, and we've already established that we can get robots to do anything that the average person does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but that's the point, is that if these companies do go down that road of just replacing everything with robots and they all do it in a fairly short time frame, where's the money gonna come from to buy goods? Like that's the problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, so imagine if you tax all the companies that use robots. A robot tax, right? So they all have to pay money, and this money just goes to people. So the thing is the companies should still be happy with that. But then the robots will rise up and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you rather face those guys, the tiki torch crowd and all those guys, or robots going, no taxation without representation, it does not compute. Like you could presumably reason with a robot uprising, I guess. Like how about we double your oil ration and be like, acceptable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is kind of tragic, because they're almost like a replacement for a person. Which is why we anthropomorphize them. But it is kind of sad to think that we're designing people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the shipping and the transportation, robots, all the inventory management, robots, and it's perfect. Then nothing goes missing, nothing gets forgotten, it's all recorded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody does their job with 100% efficiency. You could design it like one of those factorio things you like so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would hate to see robots replace people in any job involving kids, involving, uh, sick people. I don't think you want a machine saying, you have two weeks, and just bzzz, and just moving on to the next person to give them there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, they have to know how to handle...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids, right, this is a problem. Kids are very affectionate by their nature, which is one of the problems, really, is that they trust adults and they love them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It becomes incredibly rare. So for some people, the only conversation they have, especially elderly people, people who live on their own, the conversation they have every day is with a person in a shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or the bus driver or something. It sounds sad, but it's true. And that can be all, makes a difference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would hope that people would use their free time well, not just to become blobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah right, there will absolutely be some jobs, but I think the thing is we need to make sure that if we go for the universal basic income, I actually think that is probably the only way, if we arrive at a future where there is very few jobs and no potential to create more, because there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way we're all becoming compressed and stressed and finding we have less time and we- I think one of the reasons people are so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason people are fat and lazy now is because they have to put so much of their soul and effort and physical grind into this miserable existence that we call life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And earning minimum wage, no. I want to see that person given the money and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now maybe, maybe you'll make slightly less, but you will be, for one thing, you won't have job insecurity, you won't have to commute, you'll have a lot more free time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully, hopefully, this could lead to a gold mage liberation of people from the grind of day to day work. That's my dream. It'll never happen. Is to see people liberated from it, because I know how miserable it is. This is all created by design. It absolutely will happen. What is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't think people would buy slippers or boxes from Teddys or a nice chocolate bar unless they had a shitty day at work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are eating horrible food just because they want to fucking consume. How much better could it be? That's all I'm saying. I'm just saying let's at least try. It could be a lot better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Today, joined by me and Sibs. We're back. And, Here Ian Flacks. Hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you had kids staying with you, or have you, have you managed to get some dad time? Like, what has it been? Well, they're back at school now. What, other people's kids staying with us? Do you get other families to like, take over? Hell no. No way. No, we keep it tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a lot of mushrooms are, like, I feel like I read this thing and it was a little bit like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have no, scientists have no idea how bees fly. And I'm like, well, they do, yeaah. I mean, and also like, scientists have, understand nothing about how mushrooms grow. And actually like, there's some good evidence to show that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the most prized mushroom by like culinary chefs is the Morel, which is this one which looks like a kind of like a brain. Well actually don't take my advice on what it looks like. Basically it looks like a kind of wrinkly thing with like black on the outside of the wrinkles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's, it's very, apparently very delicious and like the most prized mushroom and it's like a multi-million dollar industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, uh, they don't even grow them on farms. They can't, they can't be farmed these morels. So they're like very kind of sought after and prized and apparently like there's this big, um, community of people, lots of communities around the world who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go out and forage and look for them and bring them home and cook them up. But obviously the danger with mushrooms is there's what's called false morels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's ones that look like them, but aren't them, and as a result, like, loads of people die every year eating the wrong fucking mushrooms. Even today. It's 2019, it's not caveman times anymore, and yet people are still dying eating fucking mushrooms from the woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think people assume like two things are going to happen when they eat a mushroom and let people think that they're going to get like a magic mushroom or they think it's going to be like really delicious because they've heard it. So there's this other mushroom called chicken of the woods, which is its real name. Not even joking. Um, it's, it looks like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. And it probably grows on like, wounds of trees, so it's quite rare in that sense, that you have to like, it's kind of a weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Location for mushroom to grow. And also, honestly, like, uhm, apparently, like, if you deep fry it, it just tastes like fried chicken and some rubbery and stuff. And I'm like, wow, as to me, that sounds like, mmm, that sounds like a good option. Right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've just, I've just, for some reason, I think mushrooms are awesome. I wanna, I wanna go out there. It's making me wanna go into the woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My co-protein is like going to save the world. There's this one guy, I think his name is like Paul Stamets, who's done like a Ted talk, which we shouldn't get into, but he basically is like the fucking Jesus preacher for mushroom. How are they going to save the world?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fully, fully on board, like, I've eaten a lot of weird stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of these mushroomy, mycoprotein-y, fakie things sound, like, taste like, as good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think giving people this info is, is in fact dangerous. Yeah, because like if you say, oh, you know, one degree hotter, people think, oh, one extra sunny day. Yeah, perfect. You know, people are like, people are like, people don't understand what that means. I think a lot of people do. Actually, I think a lot, we give a lot of credit, but I think that it's very easy for politicians to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I also, I also get that like, okay, first of all, it's super depressing, right? It's super, super depressing to think about all this stuff. And the second thing about it is that people have got enough problems in their own lives already to deal with, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it is depressing to see these billionaire oil executives knowing that they're going to fuck the planet and building their own bunkers in the mountains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you're rich enough to just be there with your family, is the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it'll be horrendous. I mean, we, we, I feel like as rational adults, we definitely, and surrounded by media, which does show us all of this quite dark stuff, we do have, like, and I get this a lot when I watch, because I also watch a lot of murder stuff and detective stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry Lewis. The reality is that mass murderers and things like this are actually very rare. Um, they don't happen every day and certainly don't happen in certain countries almost at all ever. You know, and so we, but we, but we get into this idea and we build up this, this fear that, you know, people are dark and evil when in fact,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some places, yeaah, some places have higher homicide rates, and I think it's certainly, countries like Brazil and Mexico have pretty dangerous places to live as far as I know, and some other countries that are less,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These sort of profit driven businesses are bad. I mean, I guess like one of the reasons I sort of became a vegetarian, the sort of vegan thing in the first place was partly because I started to become frustrated with the idea of industrialized production of things. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And how it was just on such a vast scale that it felt like all it was doing was just poisoning the world. I guess like a caveman, I don't have a problem with a caveman shooting an animal and then taking it home and cooking it and eating it because that's not done on an industrial scale. You know, he's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, not more than unsettling, I think it's away from nature and they're like, almost like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I felt like, you know, like, like literally that's the, that's the situation we've got to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know whether I'm going mad, like, in this kind of a... No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know those industrial grinders they use to like cook sausages out of old meat and stuff? I reckon what we do is, we get like a camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, this is gonna be a very dystopian and dark discussion. There's a camera, okay, so anytime anyone's caught potting anyone, right, they get, the camera feed is like uploaded to like a little panel of judges, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have to all be unanimous to agree that he definitely did it. They got it on their camera. He definitely did potting. That was it. They, they're like bam, they pressed a button and that prisoner just gets, the bottom of his cell opens up like a trap door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've ruined your, it's ruined you. It has. So, so, so, okay, first of all, did you actually go around to these schools? Second, and like, did you actually, have you been around? Yea, yea, yea. Did it bring back any memories at all? It did. Like, did it, like, the smell of it, or like, the feel of it, like, walking around? The smell of school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice, that's what Facebook's for, isn't it? Just to go on there and see the kids of all of your schoolmates. Yea, see how well everybody's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's it. I think that is it. That one in a hundred thousand murder rate, you know, and even then some of those I'm sure are going to be pretty unusual circumstances, you know, you know, sometimes I get very angry and you know, really want to just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just sitting there, why doesn't she just, you know, drop that prime? Yeah, why doesn't she just fucking drop that prime?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can double my sub count right now, you're right. I would say, okay, I know where you live and I know how your dad garage is. This is very threatening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess where I am. So did, but when your, did you, when your wife brought you a cup of tea, did you subconsciously in the corner of your eye see her bringing it out the window and then she knocks on the door or did you see her come out of the house? I saw her come out of the house with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that, that, that was some extreme thrusting. I enjoyed it. I think it was great. I don't see any problems with it. I think it was solid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just yea, just casually climb up onto your own house and take a big shit in front of everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, who's there? It's a little popper. Welcome back to Triforce Podcast everyone. Period. Is that? No. Is that? No. Agnes? No. No. That's the new host of the show. We gotta, we gotta start. We should start with a little barking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. I have, I've started tracking my, I saw a post on Reddit over the new year that was like, this guy was tracking his year, and every hour he noted down what he did, and it was like, you know, took a shit for an hour, like, read some words. Took a shit for an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like basically it turns out that a lot of his like, a lot of his diary was filled with waste time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, which feels like, you know, be, you know, when you're on your phone or like when you're just like fucking, you know, like just, just, you can't, you did something this morning, but you can't remember what, you know, and it wasn't like you weren't watching anything on TV or playing a game where you were just really just wasting time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I've started doing the same. I've tracked every hour this year so far that I've spent and man, I've played a lot of games. I've read a few books and already it's making me do stuff. Like, so I'm looking at this, this, this, this diary thing I've made and I'm like, Oh God, it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I agree. His was fairly sad. Mine's fairly sad too, but people do keep diaries and they keep scrapbooks of holidays and they put physical photos in physical photo albums.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a dirty box that you plug into the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like it's nuclear age, you know, atomic. The world of atomics is here! New technology will revolutionise your life!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No zoomers are walking around with chafed nipples. Here's the boomer tech, right? Do you want the boomer tech? Dog saliva, nipple chafing cream. That's right, get lassie to lick your nipples and you'll never chafe again. Go on your jog through the park like a boomer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can buy a microwave for like 20 quid. I'm not even fucking joking. It's a key thing for students, yea. I basically only ate out of a microwave for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, two fucking years. Yeah. Still, still today, dude. I'm a big...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big microwave proponent. I love it. Right. What about blenders? What about like, blenders? Blender's a boomer, is a boomer appliance as well, right? What about a whisk? Like an auto whisk? Yeah, I'd say that. I'd say a whisk is as well. They've been around a long time. What about like one of those newfangled whisks that has like the multiple bowls and the bowls like rotate round like the teacup right? I'd say those are probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about like a hand whisk? Like a hand held whisk where the whisk bits are detachable?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, first of all, I don't like, I mean, imagine if, if we called everything, instead of like, you know, re-mortgage, we, we called it, cause mortgage is, it means death, doesn't it? Death, death bond or whatever, mort, mortgage, that's where it comes from. So, you know, you'd be supposed to have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the point, yeaah. It was originally quite a negative word, but also, you know, debt is obviously quite a negative word, like, or loan, like student loan. No one wants a student loan. What should we call them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should it be called like educational, uplifting, education enabler? Yeah, something like that. Edunabler. Yeah, exactly. We need like, or like credit card debt. What should we call that? It should be, it should be called like joy, early joy unlocker or like happiness now, early happiness receiver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think everything is. Like, it's a generational thing. Like, I guess that's the most definition of a thing. Like, you wouldn't see, if there was a fucking hip and happening camper van show, where fucking people were going around in camper vans, you'd get some team of 20 year olds, you'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just go back to the beach. I somewhat disagree with beaches going to the beach being like a boomer thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually do agree with you, like every time I've been to a beach, even in like the most beautiful places in the world, like I went to like New Zealand and there was this like unspoiled beach or whatever. Yeah. And it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind it, like I can do it for a few hours. Even like bringing a book, right? Like even bringing a book. I'm like always like paranoid about myself getting burned. I'm like always slathered up in sticky fucking sun cream. I'm like uncomfortably naked and always switching between too hot and too cold. I'm flipping over back and forth. I can never get a comfortable position.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fuckin' hate, like, I fuckin' hate the Twitch TV hoggy weird crap. Cause I feel like a boomer and I don't understand it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Twitch put out this thing yesterday, uh, let me see if I can find it. And it was like, it was like a little highlights of Yogs over Christmas, right? Did you see it? I did. Wasn't on it. I don't blame them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spiff replied to it and he basically said, someone said, literally understood nothing from that and he replied, it's okay, just laugh and say poggers like everyone else or you'll get called a boomer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, well I do, but I mean it's like, uhm, I feel like I don't understand 90% of the Twitch memes. Because Twitch TV feels like, a lot like YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the people on it are watching someone who I consider to be unwatchably awful. Um, do you know what I mean? And they're watching a train wreck. You know, these people are, there's one of them is even called train wrecks. I mean, that's actually his fucking name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he couldn't have had a more appropriate name, you know, if he tried, really. But I mean, I guess they're waiting to see whether these people eventually just melt down and just go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I read this thing on Reddit and it basically said how Spider-Man, well Spider-Man is just genuinely the most profitable superhero of all time, like by millions, and it's partly because of the merch, and because of the amount of kids, and how kid-friendly he is, and he is definitely skewing as the youngest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, exactly. And every generation, his reboots have kind of mirrored the societies, right? So like Boomer Spidey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He distrusted authority while it was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well conveniently ignoring all the anti-mutant protestors being virulent racists, right? That was like boomer spikes, okay? Right. And then you've got Gen X Spider-Man, okay, who obviously had moved back in with our major to finances when he's in college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you've got millennial Spidey, which I guess is like, uh, Toby Maguire, right? He basically finds out that print journalism thing that who is his career path is dead in the water. He has to find roommates to make rent, you know, like his, and then eventually like it shifted to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's too young and middle-class-ish to be worried about money problems, but every adult figure seems to have plans and agendas for him that they have no intention of asking his opinion on and wanting to be responsible for things he absolutely has no business being responsible for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's aware that all this shit being dumped on his shoulders is essentially a massive ticking time bomb and he's roughly 0.2 seconds from cracking under the pressure if he thinks too much about it, but he tries his best to just enjoy time with his friends and family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it does feel like it, like these things have to move with the popular sentiment of the youth. And definitely the youth, youth. I mean, okay, I say youth, right? Uhm, I've seen this happen a couple of times, right? Where there's this group of like chavvy girls, okay, on the high street, in like tracksuits with their hair pulled back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, whatever it is, they're really tight, pulled back hair, like all on top of their head, and they're like, kind of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of like, almost like they should be wearing a school uniform, but they're not, they're not, they're not, for some reason in sick form they don't have to or whatever. Do you know what I mean? They're off for like school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they go up to someone, okay, like get in their face, usually like a girl, like a, like a 20 year old girl or something, like someone who's a little bit older than them, but like just looks, looks like normal. Um, not, cause they wouldn't do this to some like old person cause they might have a heart attack, but they go up to them and they get suddenly like they're in their face and they clap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well exactly, that's why they wouldn't do it to you, but they picked like sort of fragile looking girls who are like kind of, I don't know, in the street. It didn't happen to me, but I've seen it happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because I don't, they wouldn't pick, they wouldn't pick me. Clearly I'm, you know, I'm the wrong type. You had your motorcycle jacket on at the time. You know, I'm a loose cannon. They, you know, I just punch them straight in the face. Yeah. Knock them, knock them down on the pavement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that is, there are people like that who still do that in 2020.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've just been mulling it over in my head, like I guess it's, I guess it's just a thing, like it's just a sort of a flexing thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other thing that I saw happen this morning on Twitter was, uhm, this woman who basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like got off a plane in Miami and just started stripping in like as she walked through the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or something. Maybe she thought it was a dream or something. Okay, I'm trying to find reasonable context for why people have these moments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, walking naked through the streets of Bristol slapping people. You're gonna remove your turtleneck in the airport.