[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I ever have- I don't think I would ever make a comment like that to somebody. I might make it like when I get home, I might say to my wife, oh, it's kinda weird, like, uh, there was a- a woman tire fitter, I've never seen that before. But I would never- I would never say it to the person. Oh, it's fucking weird that you're here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The suit is actually, traditional suit is incredible though, isn't it? Because it actually makes most people look pretty decent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of businessmen are like quite, you know, they're like, they're round, aren't they? And like, stereotypically, they're quite old as well, but if they got a suit on, you don't notice all of that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you saw them in like a, in like their, you know, their, their leisure, leisure gear, you know, if they had a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on or whatever, you would notice all those things immediately of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there would be a chance where a woman would say, I'm gonna wear a suit. I'll wear a tuxedo to that or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you'd ever see a guy turn up to one of those in a fancy dress. Damn shame. It is a bit of a shame, yeaah. Cause I think that people can just, you know, a lot of this traditional stuff, you can just have a bit of fun with it, right? You don't have to take it super seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fair is fair, but at least he was good enough to meet you halfway with it as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the thing is, with an outstanding issue like that, it's good that you guys got it sorted, because now it just means that anyone else in either property, there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, did I have one? I don't know if I was under long enough for them to have one, but I think they might have done it as a, you know, he might have to have one. Cause I remember when I, when I was upstairs, they took me back up to the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, everything went really well. It was really quick. We got your gallbladder out and everything. Uh, but you, you need to in the next like hour or so, you need to start walking around and getting your systems working again because if you don't pee in the next like two hours or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're giving you a catheter and he's like, you do not want a catheter. So I would suggest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting up and walking up and down the hallway, drinking some water and he said, it's gonna, it's, it'll be weird at first. It'll be, it'll be hard to pee and stuff, but make sure that you just go for one. And then once you've gone for one, you can just relax. So I did all that, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sad truth is, I cannot access my Facebook account, it has locked me out for good, and there's nobody I can speak to at


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He realised that I never responded, but also what, he just thought it was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my experience as well, they're always really nice to talk to. They always seem really knowledgeable, but they have a really nice, like, you know, whatever, bedside manner or whatever. You can ask them a couple of questions and stuff and you know, they know what they're talking about. They know like, I had to get like an inhaler for my daughter when she was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm quite young and, uh, it's not like, you know, if you're an adult, you just get one of those puffer things and away you go, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to administer an inhaler through a puffer to like a four year old is impossible. So they give you, they give you like this fucking mask chamber thing. It's like a bong. Give you a big bong for them. And, uh, but the guy was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, yeah, you just use it like this. You put this in here and then, and be careful this thing because sometimes it can fall off or whatever. It's like, okay, great. Like he actually knows how this whole contraption works. He's like explained very clearly how to administer this and stuff. Cause you do have questions about some of this shit, right? Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay fine, you go to the pharmacy and you get your prescription, uh, pills and you, you know, you take two pills a day or whatever, that, it's easy, but there's, there's way, there's way more stuff that you could potentially get that's, you know, you'll have questions about, and, and they are, for the most part, really knowledgeable about what they're giving you. Creams and shit like that, like shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are such typical bath toys, they always have holes at the bottom of the cups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My kids, well, they're bigger now, so they don't do it now, but when they were younger, they used to like to, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They pretend that they were making you food and ice cream and all this stuff using like the various shit that was floating around in the, not actual shit floating in the tub but like, you know, all their toys and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Face cloths and whatever else ends up in the, in the bathtub sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not as funny as Ted Forsythe, uh, farts in the tub, granted, but I mean, kids, kids, kids just come up with all sorts of shit, eh? It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The baby is two now, so every time anything happens, she feels like she's missing out. So if you're, if you're trying to get people to take baths and showers, we can't even say bath or shower now because she just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As if to say, you know, she wanted a bath, so we had to give her a bath. And then, uh, she gets in the bath and she doesn't even enjoy it. She just wants to come out straight away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think all those people that play like WoW and Genshin Impact and stuff do that as well when like a new set comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but my, my, my kids and I'm sure yours are like this two flax will, uhm, will spend all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to wangle all the sweets, you know, they want ice cream, like they just had ice cream. Oh, can we have some, some potato chips now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, you just had some ice cream, like you take it easy. Oh, okay. Can I have some cookies then? Like all day they will do this. And then you put a plate of decent food in front of them and they take like two bites and they're like, ah, I'm full.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sugar is the worst though, because I think it fucks up your taste buds too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like if you've ever had this where you, if you've had like something sweet, like you've had some ice cream or something like that, and then you go to eat certain fruit or something after that and it almost tastes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So offensive that you just can't handle it. Whereas normally you would like it or whatever. Like, it does fuck up your taste buds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like an animal in the morning, though. My brain just does not switch on for a little while. Like, when I wake up... I think you're on dad autopilot, though. If I didn't have kids, I would wake up and I would just, like, I wouldn't even think about what I was doing. I would just, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sit in my bed and, uh, and read stuff on my iPad, or, like, I can't do any of this stuff because- I remember, back in the day-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was he at home? He wasn't, when you were going to school he wasn't working at this time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting back in with the school run. Now we got, we, my son goes to a completely different school, so I have to drive him there. And, uh, and then, and now my wife who,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would always wake up, but never had to take them anywhere. Now has to take my daughter to school because they, the two conflict.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we're like, we're fucking so tired now. It's just, uh, it's just a lot to do. And then, we gotta do the pickups the same way in the afternoon. Mmm. Anyway. We got, we got a lot of stuff, uh, sorted out there. Big ups to sorting out all the problems as usual, uhm, just putting, just putting the world right, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could, I could be the carrier, although I don't think so. I could be patient zero.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was like, mm, I'm not feeling great though, so I'm going to be careful. And then the next day I took another test and then I was positive. So passed my test, but then I failed my test. How does it work? Pass or fail? You pass. Well, whatever. But have you two done anything interesting? Let's start with you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From being at Disney. Last week I'm just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and that's like not, well, not a cold day, but not the, not a hot day, I guess. And when you go to water park, you want it to be as hot as possible. Cause we went to one on holiday. Um, and it was, it was great. We had a great day out. I loved it. I haven't been for a while, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we made lots of, Ikai, all the rude jokes about whales, which I made throughout the trip. Why would you do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, I suppose one day it'll, it'll slap me in the face, won't it? But it was a lovely time. Everyone's nice in Wales. Um, yeah, we got there. It was already basically dark. Uh, walked around for a bit, went to this event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There wasn't really that many people there, like 60 people kind of in the tournament. And so, and it was quite small.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My popularity has waned to the point where, you know, I only got recognised by about four or five of the people there. Everyone else was just like, oh, you're famous, are you? What's your YouTube channel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just an old has-been. Didn't get recognized for the rest of the week, so, you know, had to get it somewhere. Anyways, nice time, Magic the Gathering, you know, can't complain. Got to play the new expansion, which is quite fun, it's all Jurassic Park themed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like Jeff though. I'm a big Jeff fan. He's a Jeff fan. I met him, didn't I? Got to meet him. So that like increases the, um, his, his, you know, then again, I'm sure anyway, um, so then after that, the next day I went to this, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Germany, France, America, India, South Africa, all the big nations, right? And uhm, we're supposed to be, we're supposed to be sort of more responsible as the UK.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I thought, oh, sorry, I'll just explain the whole point. The whole point is that there's a series of crises to do with aliens turning up. A little bit like XCOM. You know, the aliens come to Earth and we're like, how are we gonna deal with them? And they're landing, you know, they're attacking and abducting things and doing all sorts of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they have to like abduct humans to learn the language basically or infiltrate countries secretly. But you can kind of, their technology isn't that far ahead of ours that you can't see them. You know, we've got like an XCOM in each nation, do you know what I mean? That is able to see the scouts coming in and shoot them down and stuff, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can leave them to just do what, do whatever they want to do, but you don't know what they're doing. Um, they could be good. They could be bad. They could be like different factors of them. God knows what. So it's trying to unpick. It's a lot of information, a lot, a lot of time. There's a play going on, you know, is that caused by the aliens? Is that just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Natural thing. There's like, you know, some, some, because the aliens have kind of stirred up the world, right? And so there's lots of states suddenly wanting to get nuclear weapons and a sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to get in with other, so it's a whole, there's a lot of crazy shit going on and you're there trying to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at time of recording, he's just on this, uhm, I was going to say Love Island, but he's not on there, is he? It's Celebrity Jungle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I was decided to be Nigel Farage. Uh, I got a blue suit with a white shirt, red tie, a little British pin badge, and I just did his voice the whole time. Like a kind of, uhm, no no no, here I am, protecting us in the face of these alien invaders coming over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've dusted our cows and, uh, taken them off to God knows where. Good British cows. I want space to be like the English Channel. Uh, nothing's coming over it. You know, this kind of, this kind of really anti-alien rhetoric, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That pissed off just about everyone. Um, because it's full of, you know, people like millennials who kind of low key hate Nigel Farage. So I think I'd irritated everyone on my team and everyone I'd met at this point by doing this sort of bit because everyone's taken it quite seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, um, I'm in the UN council meeting and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy on my team calls me out and he's like, come out, come out quick. I need to, we need to do, we need you for, we need you for something else. This is very unorthodox. No one has done this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My team had come up with this plan, which was basically to be the first people to have first contact with the aliens, right? Because we'd found out very early that the aliens were on the moon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] into a little sort of smart car sized, um, delivery system, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they, they, they took the nuclear weapon out of the ICBM and put me, me in it. No, we did, UK, the UK team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're sorry, PFLAX. So I get sent to the moon, right? And I get out and there's an alien there and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get into this room, there's an alien there and he's like looking at me and sort of holding me there and he can't talk to me and I'm like, okay, fine, what's going on here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No he doesn't. Oh my god. Anyway, finally he like pushes this curtain aside and I go in there and I'm like, oh my god, I'm going to get to meet all the aliens, right? I'm going to get to meet everyone. It's amazing. And already there is the prime minister of America, the prime minister of India, the prime minister of Germany having this great little chat with all the aliens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it turned out that the aliens had visited these other people, picked them up and brought them to the moon, right, for a special meeting. And they'd spent all of their research trying to translate alien language. I got to the alien, got to the moon, didn't speak a word of the language.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he'll have to, I don't know what we're going to do with you. So I rolled a dice and I fortunately rolled a four, luckily, just made it up. Anyway, so I get to this room and of course then, so, so then they shuttle off all the, um, all the other, all the folks will go back home after their level of meeting and I go up to the aliens and they're all surrounding me. And of course we can't communicate. So I just did this thing where I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nigel here from UK. Friends. We are your friends. You, us, trade. Like, you know, like the most basic, like speak louder if you don't speak the language stuff. Um, which was all very amusing to them and me, I assume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then afterwards, uhm, the, the, the, the, the games master said, right, well, you're now, uhm, trapped on the moon, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're going to have to figure out how to get the aliens to take you back home. So, so of course, a turn or two later, the aliens finally figure out that me sat upstairs in this alien bit with them is getting weird and they take me, they take me back home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, were the Americans and the Germans, the Indians here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were, we were just massively, massively behind. And it stayed that way for the whole game. So yeah, irrelevant, like you said, full on UK roleplay. That really is good. It was, it was a great fucking event. How long did you spend doing this? It was, it started at like ten, and it went until about six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what their intentions were, because it's all very hard to tell if they're just, you know, making friends and then, because they wanted us to disarm all of our nuclear weapons, you see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did the magic and I, it was exhausting, right? It's cause I, cause we got stuck on a train with some crazy women at like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when we're coming back from the Magic the night before, we got on the last train, 11.30, back to Bristol. And uhm, it was, it was delayed for an hour. And every 10 minutes, this woman would kick off. She would, she was, she would absolutely go crazy. She would like, every time there'd be a message coming over the tannoy, it was like she had Tourette's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a message come over the Tana and it was like, sorry, there are some trespassers on the line. We cannot move. Uh, we'll be hopefully going as soon as we can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna miss the last bus, fuck. Like kind of this whole thing where she would have this tirade, okay. And it would, it was mental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She just looked like a, kind of, mid to late thirties, white woman, uhm, not really, quite short.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, kinda, kinda tracksuit-y. Did she look drunk? No, didn't look drunk, just looked, like, uhm, just red-faced, quite short, quite, I dunno, like uhm, I dunno, a bit of a puggy face, you know? Right. Like a pug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's, she's, she's kicking off every so often and you know, I'm just like ignoring it. But this other woman on the train who is drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, two or two and a half, two or more, two thirty in the morning at this point. So it's like pretty fucking late. What were you doing? Well, I've just on my phone or whatever, you know, chatting to Duncan or whatever. Duncan's just hanging out. Anyway, she's kicking off again and this other woman starts kicking off as well. And.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, okay, it was like I'd gone into a place where I was kind of disembodied. Like I was having like detached from my body because there were these two people about a meter away from me yelling into each other's faces. And about, and they look, they were like the same, the same person. Maybe they were twins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got back home, you know, eventually. And then I was up early for this, this thing. And then I, the next day after the, the, the mega game thing, I went on holiday to Gran Canaria.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Good. And I went on holidays at Gran Canaria. So, but, but the plane was very early. So again, I hadn't had any sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hardly over the last couple of days, got to the airport and met Oz, her mum, and Oz's partner, who I was going on holiday with. Right. I get to the airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, fucking exhausted, and I sit down and I'm like, oh hi, nice to meet you, blah blah blah. Cause I've not met Osis more before, and uhm, they're all like, a pint deep. It's 7am, they're all had, they're surrounded by empty pint glasses. Halfway through their second pint, it's 7 in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So, yeah, I, I, I went on a whole date, it was honestly really, really nice. I was gonna go away anyway, um, but when I was speaking to her, she was like, oh, I'm going, you might as well just tag along. So I was worried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it worked quite well actually, because uhm, yeaah, the boys can do stuff, the girls can do stuff, the couples can do stuff, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's really cool. The whole place is cool. It's worth going to the Canary Islands. They're super hot and super nice. And, um, we were, so we were in an all-inclusive hotel, which I hadn't realized, um, until we got there, which I'm, I'm fine with, but I've never done before. And I'm not sure I actually am fine with. It's a bit weird, um, being an all-inclusive. Well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were drinking so much, uh, and still we were able to, we did a lot of stuff, we went to like a little bird sanctuary thing, which was really awesome. Um, they've got this really cool... Were they drunk the whole time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they had a couple. Yeah, they had a couple. Um, you know, why not? And you know, it was, it was honestly, Oz's mom is like a cross between Oz and, and Booth. You know, Booth is like, she's got the, the eighties TV show movie references, but she's also,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, just very like outgoing and uhm, funny and, and that very kind of just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Caesar positive and everything. Like, oh, it was really fun hanging out with her, but she would do the craziest things as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'll just tell you one story that I told on the other podcast, on Simon's podcast as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Resort kind of thing. It's got kebab shops and strip clubs and loads of British tourists and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crap. Um, and we're, we're out, we're out walking around and there's, um, all these Nigerian, um, bracelet sellers and tat sellers out there, right? On the, on the front kind of hassling tourists about selling, you know, you know the ones, right? I know the ones. Um, anyway, we're walking along and Ozzy's mom sees one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess this is my responsibility, right, to now find out what the fuck is going on. So, so Oz's mum has run off, I'm trying to flag down this Nigerian tatset, he was walking the other way. And when he turns and sees her coming at him,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he sort of looks behind him, he's like, cause no one has ever flagged down a Nigerian tatseller before, right? Ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, they're normally, it's the opposite, right? They're told to go away in no uncertain terms. So he's a bit shocked by this lady approaching him. It's incredibly excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then she's like, I'll buy something. And then she, she drops her bag and everything spills out of it. You know, she's like rummaging around, trying to find five euros to buy some tat off this guy saying that, oh, just wait, just wait, you'll sing the song. Lewis, could you get a picture of me with the chicken nugget man? Could you film him singing the chicken nugget song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All this, right? It's, it keeps going and I'm just like floating above all of this, like so bewildered. Anyway, it turns out there's a TikTok, right? Where, where this guy on a different island


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was, she was utterly convinced that it was this guy. Even when we were walking away, she was like, I'm so sad he didn't sing the song. Oh, she's kind of a bit, she's not, I keep doing the scouse, but she's not scouse, just normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, it was, that's just like, it was so fun, it was so good. It was such a funny moment. Um, and we were all, you know, laughing about it afterwards because she, she couldn't take herself seriously either. She was like, I can't believe I reacted like that, you know, but she's just so genuine, um, about the things that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The classic stories with her is that she falls over a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oz will tell you this story, but during Covid, she felt, she...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ozzy had just come in from like a long day of work and this was back when, uh, Ozzy was making content, I think she was working at the pub or something, I can't remember where she worked anyway. She came back, she was exhausted, she sat down on the sofa and her mum came in on roller skates and was like, look what I found. Um, and as, as Ozzy turned around to say, be careful, lady went, went


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they took her to the hospital and she lost her sense of smell, unrelated to Covid, uhm, during Covid. Anyway, she hasn't got a sense of smell because of that, right? But she falls over all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So one time she had just been, she works at the NHS, she had just been, um, at a due where you had to pay like a pound and you get like a cup of tea and a biscuit or whatever. And so she's, she goes out into this car park, um, fell over and the way she tells the story is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She broke her biscuit when she fell over, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting AuraFrames.com today and get $30 off their best selling frames with the code TRIFORCE. That's A-U-R-A-FRAMES.COM promo code TRIFORCE. Thank you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must be for all of the people who, A, forgot, um, and are desperate to go in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done this before. The whole thing, maybe the whole thing, like 10 grand? Maybe 15?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is how Richard Branson got started with Virgin, wasn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so his flight was cancelled, but he was on a trip to Puerto Rico in like 1981 or something. And then he chartered a plane for the rest of the way and offered


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, yeaah. It says in 1986, he beat the record for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fastest Atlantic Ocean crossing by ship. But then he had an air balloon, the Virgin Atlantic Flyer. Yeah, it was kind of a gimmick, I guess. But this is what rich people do, isn't it? You know, it's like Jeff going underwater or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understood there was like a rich, oh maybe I just got this from succession though, but I thought there was like this rich circuit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But when he was 28, when Virgin Records had been successful, he heard about one of the Virgin Islands being sold and was like, fuck it, I'd like to buy it. So he threw in a really lowball bid of a hundred grand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and basically the guy said no, but then really needed the money. So he said, okay. And so he bought this island. And I mean, at that point he was only 28 and later on, it wasn't till he was really rich that he actually spent the 10 million needed to turn it into a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think it stands for anything. It's a boy band, right? I think it's like, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't wait to tuck on in to some great British fare. You know, some kangaroo testicles and some, uh, little grubs. Love them. On the barbecue. So there you go. What the fuck? Nigel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm feeling a lot better. I think, I think my COVID's gone away over the last hour. Maybe we cured you. Maybe it was all the laughs. I think so. I think I just laughed out all the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well as a man with dark hair myself, uhm, I can tell you- And a dangerous one as well. I'm very dangerous. I can tell you that it's a struggle to leave the house and use public transportation stuff because the women are-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they say brimming with confidence sometimes, which I think sounds better because you can imagine, uh, you know, like a popcorn maker, just like getting ready to blow the top off or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if you overboil a pot for pasta and the water starts spilling over, you know? So it's oozing, one might say. Well no, that's brimming. That is too brimming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Well, there you go. I didn't, I don't remember saying it. And, uh, but that was a, that was like a, like a fictional kind of, uh, you know, a situation, you know, you can get loose and free with it. That, that's not a realistic situation in my eyes. So I, you know, I probably,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She could be like, hello sailor. And you'd be like, yeah, I know. Um, he's standing at attention already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, so, so the idea is the idea that before you go on the date, you jerk off so that you're not too horny when you're on the date?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but there's, there's surely there's been situations where you've had to, where you've had a boner and you've had to, you know, go upstairs to like, you know, go to the, like you've had to pass like a room that like your parents are in or something, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another, another way to hide that is, uh, especially if you're just in your boxer shorts, just, um, just scratch your balls, like, uh, like fully scratch your balls and let your arm sort of mask the boner as well, you know, like it's not perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not perfect, but it does, it does work. If you're, if, if you're, if you're caught by surprise, like, uh, you know, somebody wakes up and you're not expecting them to, and you're just in the kitchen, you've just woken up, you still got a boner and you're in your boxers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can just be like, aw man, my balls are so itchy. Start scratching them and they might not notice. You might get lucky. I see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, mine's an up, but like, depending on the stage, it could do a lean as well. It's not just going to stick straight out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the tuck is very good if it's enough. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta say though, I don't think I'm getting a boner if I'm holding hands or uh, hugging someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe find somebody, maybe get with somebody who, um, isn't going to put a lot of pressure on you sexually to begin with, you know, like maybe like a Mormon or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Practice holding hands until you're really comfortable holding hands without boner, right? And then, and then you can sort of, that can be like a goal that you work towards and once you've achieved that goal, drop her like a hot brick and get with somebody who's ready to, to, to go to hit a home run, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, transfer, I was just, I was just talking about this recently because we had a very fun train adventure through France.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the summer months, sometimes you can, they, they have a, uh, like a small flight from Jersey to Hren, but, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, um, it was really nice. And, uh, we were talking about transfers because we both used to live in Ottawa. My wife moved to Ottawa and the, in, in Ottawa at the time, they didn't have light rail. It was all buses. They had a transit way for the buses. It was a, it was actually a pretty good public bus system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they had paper transfers, so you could ask when you pay for your fare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could say, can I have a transfer please? And they give you a paper transfer that had an expiry time on it. So it would be good for like an hour or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then you could use that to hop onto another bus line from the one that you're on sort of thing, right? Um, and, and it worked pretty well, but I don't know if it exists anymore because this was like 20 years ago and it was paper. I guess people just use their phones or cards and stuff now, so maybe it's different, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. They probably, it depends, it's like anything, it really depends on who you get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had, uh, when, when I went to Japan, I went to a subway and nobody there spoke any English whatsoever, but they were very accommodating. I just pointed at everything and they got my order right and everything and they seemed very happy and I was very happy and it was fine. So if I can do it, anyone can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't the point, but yeaah. I literally pointed at everything. Like she'd be like, and? And I'd be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, it sounds cooler, right? Like, nobody refers to it as the very fast train, they just call it a TGV. But they're like in awe of this thing. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I tend to think that this is heading somewhere sexy, but I feel like maybe he's gonna meet a celebrity or something. Maybe it's an animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I thought, I thought this was leading up to he, he didn't realize it, but he was tending to like a celebrity's house or something. And he was shocked to find out which one it was. Step up the stories, step up the stories a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds fun, actually. I used to have to deliver the Penny Saver newspaper when I was a young man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My friend used to deliver the, the, the, like the proper newspaper, the Ottawa Citizen, which was like, you know, basically like getting like the times or something, you know, like it was a local paper, but it was like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A big paper, you know, people had it delivered to their door or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, he would get, uh, like bundles just dropped in his front yard really early in the morning. And then he'd have to wake up and deliver these like before he went to school. And, uh, one year he went on vacation for two weeks and he was like, can you, can you please cover my paper route while I'm gone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he didn't ask me, like he, he said to it, like his parents phoned my parents and they're like, oh hey, can Chris cover the paper route for two weeks or whatever, like what we're going to arrange for it to be dropped off at your house and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll just need, he'll just need to like, you know, bundle them into his bike or whatever and then deliver them. Cause it's like, it's not like my route, you know, like it was his neighborhood or like street or whatever. So I had the bike all the way over to his street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you had to deliver it to the right houses, right? Cause it was people who subscribed or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did that and it sucked and I don't even think I got paid for it. Uh, you had to like this sheet of paper that you had to look at the addresses to make sure that the right places got the papers and stuff. And then he got back from vacation and decided that he hated doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. But yeah, so there were just these bundles and bundles of Ottawa citizens just stacked up in the forest. It was great. Uh, and then he lost his, uh, he lost his paper routes. There you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we didn't, we never did any like, pet sitting. Uhm, it was always like, can somebody cover my paper route or some shit like that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That to be the new- okay, is she like the modern day Madonna, basically? Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's, so she's basically like a Madonna or like a Beyonce or Britney Spears or like a, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when she came out, Britney Spears was pretty much done already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had, we definitely had this conversation before about, uh, about Taylor Swift. I'm sure Taylor Swift was mentioned because we were thinking of top grossing, uh, pop, teen pop idols. Oh, right. We definitely talked about Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, she is technically still going. Uh, I don't know if you've seen any of her latest, uh, content. She's done a really good TikTok video where she's dancing with knives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another, uh, another famous, uh, another famous, um, slight against, uh, Taylor Swift. And, uh, I think he did the same to Adele as well. Uh, it was, uh, Damon Albarn from Blur. He had a pop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say a counterpoint to that would be, uh, it's not okay for you to like whatever you want. Like what I like, or fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taylor Swift on a dating app. It better be the real Taylor Swift that has been matched to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Car ferry to Le Havre, I guess. I did not get a car ferry, no I did not. We took a foot passenger ferry to Semalo, uh, which is, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From Saint-Malo, you can take, if you want to, you can take a TGV train directly from Saint-Malo to Paris-Montparnasse, if you want to. Ah, Montparnasse. Yes, I remember saying that. We decided to take a TER train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Disneyland is just outside of Paris, in a small town called Marne la Vallée, and there is a big train station there, built for Disney basically, called Marne la Vallée Chessy. That's the one. And it's serviced by Eurostar as well, if you wanna take the uh, the tunnel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you'll have some agreeers with your praise for Taylor Swift though. If there's as many Swifties out there as you guys claim there is, then I think you might have made some new friends on this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're in, actively in school at the moment. Last time we went to school was like 30 years ago. Give us a fucking break. It's not a thing I need to know. It is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody quizzes you on this stuff in the real world. And honestly, if we do know it, people think we're weird. Yeah. You're not going to put that in your bio for anything. Hey, looking for a date. I fully know what an adjective is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That could be the name of your first album, Lewis. You should go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. If I need to piss, I'm crossing my legs, I'm holding my junk, and I'm mouthing, I need to piss. That's it. And if you can't figure it out from that, well, tough shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, okay, there's two, there's two other gestures that I, I really hate. And one of them, one of them is the one where you take your pointer finger and your thumb and you make a hole and then you use the other pointer finger from your hand to like, you know, push it in and out. Like, like the, like the sex one. The sexy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate that one. And the other one that I hate is the one where you hold two fingers like in the V sign and you put your tongue in between your fingers. I fucking hate that one as well. That one just makes me want to perish. I hate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go for a piss in your bathroom at a time of the day where the sun is coming into your window at a perfect angle and look at the air in your bathroom in Marvel, it's disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is particles of shit and piss everywhere in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What area did you stay in? Did you find it a bit of a dump?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we gotta step you into it. It's not a full strip club. We gotta take you to Hooters first. No, no, no. We gotta take you to Hooters. We take you to Hooters first. There's one in Liverpool, I think. We'll take you to that one so that you can step into, uhm, that sort of awkwardness, right? Strip clubs are pretty fucking awkward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where you come to France? Where you come to France? On a train to France. Let's do a train journey. Let's go on a tri-force on the road. Let's take a train from Jersey to Paris. We have to take a foot ferry though. He's very excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That's a good blanket, uh, apology. I think it should be accepted worldwide. More accepted than American Express. Am I right? Indeed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good morning and welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. We're back. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was scared before, obviously, about it, and I didn't really wanna do it, and then the day got closer, and I was like, I guess it's just one of those things I have to do, because, you know, that's what you do, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just be- be the- be a man- man up, and get over your fears. Hey, Richard Branson did it, so. Well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went down, got a balloon, went up in the sky, and it's cool, it's like, about a thousand feet up, which is about the height of the shard, E-flags. So, imagine you're at the top of one of these very tall buildings, everyone's been up there. Terrifyingly high, is what you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty high. Uhm, you can obviously see all the miniature cityscape around you, which is kinda cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, it's kind of far away enough that everything looks like interesting, but not far away enough that it's all flat, you know? It felt like that when I was up the thing in Tokyo, the massive mega


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tallest buildings in the world in Tokyo, everything was so high, it was like you were in a plane, you know, you didn't really feel- Was it Roppongi Towers? No, it was the other one. Oh, the other one. I wanna say Tokyo Tower, but it's not. The Towers of Tokyo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not called that. Or maybe it is. Anyway, super, super fucking tall tower. And was, was, was, was frightening. But the hot air balloon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, not so frightening, like, you're fairly hemmed in, because the basket's really small, it's just me, Duncan, and this pilot, Andrew, and we were trying to like, film bits and vlog bits, and he constantly would like, chip in. Oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do an air again! Exactly, he was like this, and so, of course, it's silent up there, it's like really serene, and like blissfully quiet, but then, every so often, he pulls the trigger on the flames, it goes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully you will have seen it by this point, the podcast goes out, but it's the Wallace and Gromit Grand Peel hot air balloon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They always wanted a hot air balloon, cause Bristol, you know, it's famous for its balloons, and they're very Bristol-centric. Arden here, Wallace and Gromit, Children's Hospital, it serves like the whole southeast, it's uh, southwest, it's like a big deal, right? And, so they tried to get like a Gromit,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and it's cool, it's a big cool orange rocket, the one they sent to the moon, in the movie. It's a bit of an initial reference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, it's a grand appeal, they came along, they brought along a news crew from BBC Points West.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who covered us famously about five years ago, uh, on the telly. It's funny, really, when traditional media tries to cover Jingle Jam. Because it's kind of adorable, it obviously doesn't move the needle for us in any way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not like someone's sub-grand's seen Jingle Jam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Showing like, hmm, it's a bit of an ask to make it, um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They launch all the balloons over on Ashton Court, which is this big, um, old mansion house with a park around it. And the winds are normally blowing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they fly over the city, right? Today we launched in the, well yesterday we launched in the middle of the city, and we thought we were going to be flying east, but of course the wind was blowing. You're at the whims of the wind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I thought they were at the whims of the wind. But apparently, no, you can, like, properly guide an air balloon when you're in the air. Which is amazing to me. Because it's not got a propeller or anything on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he said he was corkscrewing it, to get it to... and also he said he was looking down at where the smoke would come out of chimneys and stuff, to see which way the wind was going. Oh, for wind! I mean, I'm sure it's a real art! I mean, how many balloons are there, really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys on this, you're gonna love this. The Gatineau Hot Air Balloon Festival. This is like the Bristol Hot Air Balloon Festival. Every year, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's quite quick, goes up pretty quick, and suddenly you're in the air, and it's fairly consistent, and yea, you're right, like fairly slow for the next half an hour or whatever, and then you start the landing procedure, which is like, you start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Point, which I really liked about that movie, about that book, I still am not quite familiar


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get there, and according to his diary, they've done over 80 days, right, so they're like too late. Because they think they've arrived on boxes. They fail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell yeaah. I thought that was a really- it's just such a good- That is genius. It's genius. Uhm, so you'd have to read the book now, uh, I guess like, you know, it kind of explains what happens in the title anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and planes, and people have died in planes, compared to the millions of car trips they've made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is meant to be fun! I went silent, I looked him in the eye, and I looked awkwardly in the eye, and I like, I didn't roll my eyes, but I sort of like went, I was like, you know. That is heavy. In my head, I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's practice, I guess. Race driver, I've never met, so. We would've done the farming sim stream already, but every year, we... Duncan bought a farming sim, it looks like one of those things when you go to a bowling alley, like the helper thing, the metal frame helper thing, where kids push the ball down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's basically a steering wheel with a big metal frame with some pedals at the bottom, and it's got all the farming sim controls, it's got like twelve buttons and like a little joystick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in a tractor. Yes. And every year Doug can fucking dust it off and tries to get it working, and most of the time we can't get it working, anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cyberpunk sold like 25 million, so that's like a 20% attachment rate, and that's very, very, very high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they did a very, they did a recent sort of victory lap, where they sort of were very much like, oh, we've fixed it, it's good now, come play it. And I think everyone, and I played it and really really enjoyed it, and I think I'm looking forward to playing the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I set mine up out of the box. You start by downloading the Aura app for free, which takes no time to get the frame ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regarding, um, controllers, there is a, this is one for Spiff, I think. If you're listening, Spiff, Yorkshire Tea is selling a 150 pound PlayStation 5 next-poplar controller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that. That's great. Good viral advertising for... Yeah, that's smart. Ever since Spiff wrapped his Tesla in a Yorkshire tea livery, I have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it just feels so- like Yorkshire tea-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This podcast, there's the shoutout for the episode. There's the shoutout, not the shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, this Christmas, for the first year ever, kids want digital currency and subscriptions more than new games. They want V-Bucks, they want


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, so they asked ten to seventeen year old kids in the US what they want for Christmas, 72% said something to do with video games, 39% said game subscriptions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really hard to... I mean, it's always been hard, but I think it's easier than ever now, to... the algorithms are good at picking up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is, what is good, uhm, and what people want, and I think, I'm not saying this is the case, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it does happen, like look at what Tom Bates did with his um, cruelly cool animations, that sort of went separately viral on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. It took different times to do it, but it sort of blew up on each of the platforms separately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're right, that's the real success, but I think that people can make a living off being the second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's 15th, 20th of these, and there's plenty of them, making a living out of it, and you, you know, there are, there's more room in Fortnite streaming than XQC, oh my god, there's tons of other big streams, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of course you have to... I agree, and like, there's... and you know what, it's a very oversaturated dream goal. It's like, you know, I get to play video games all day, my favourite video games, you know, all day. I mean, if you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I read a story this week about a Chinese livestreamer who died after streaming too much, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you heard back from either? What's your measure of success? I think, you know what, I've become a little bit like Sips with this. Like, it was like, I had, yesterday I had some, I came back from the hot air balloon, it was a bit late, cause it took like an hour and a half to put this fucking balloon away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so anyway, uhm, I got my chores done. I was like, I had to take some piece of art to be framed as presents. I had to go and pick up some stuff from the costume shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, change the subject, Christmas presents, right? I don't know if you've bought any yet, but I haven't. And I saw this thing, I'll post it in the chat, but it's a Tiffany and co.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the first funny part. But the second part is if you scroll down to the Pikachu pendant, it's got like, diamonds encrusted in it. But it kinda looks like he's got a skin disease.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, if, if, if, if Pikachu had a really bad case of, like, psoriasis all over his body, and you were like, oh, that poor Pikachu, um, should we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well like, oddly enough, despite the fact that honestly, in the last 30 days, maybe just over, it really has been pretty shitty, uhm, for me. Like a lot of stuff has come up that is just adding up to be sort of like, really not great. So for example, this was one of the toppers of the month so far. On Sunday,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we all went down to see him, uh, like we all got together to go see him, uhm, and sort of cheer him up and everything, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so I said to a couple of my mates, uh, I gotta get out of the hospital, I'll text you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I, I stop and I sit down and I call the 999 and the guy's like, you were trying to get a cab? I was like, well, I just, you know, it's not far. And he was like, don't worry, we'll send an ambulance. So they turn up and I, they were like, why aren't you at the pub? Like if you were at the pub, I was like, well, I was trying to get a cab. And they were very angry with me for trying to get a cab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, let us know. Email in. If, if you have a monofilament wire at home, did it take your finger off, uh, when you put your hand through it? Let us know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only if he's involved, I wanna see a master swordsmith and see if it extends to all aspects of swordsmanship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, I think they would say that's a pick me thing, right, but that's not pick me at all. They misuse pick me all the time. Like a tryhard, they mean. Yeah, I think it would basically be like a sweaty tryhard, it's like, they almost grunt as they pull the knife out, like, uh, uh, got their knife out, whip it out, and just go to town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you look this up on, on, on, just google Ray Mears bushcraft knife. The first result is £495 from Ray's website, raymears.com. God bless Ray Mears, big fan. Free shout out. Uhm, this is, this is one beautiful knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think what happened is that, uh, the guys were clearing the vegetation from the side of the road, so it doesn't obstruct motorists' view, and one of them forgot his knife and left it behind. I have no idea who to return it to, so I just kept it. Uhm, and it's, the brand is ZUBA, uh, made in Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I don't know if you guys know, but in London we have a kind of a knife crime problem in certain parts of London. Uh, Croydon, I'm looking at you. And these young lads are running around with machetes fucking hacking at each other. This is the kind of thing they're using.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think this is one less knife on the street. That's the way I see it. Because some, some youth could have found this and attacked his mates with it and instead I'm keeping it safe in my office. I think that's reasonable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you can buy this in home, home base. You know what I mean? It's like a garden tool. It's not, it's not illegal or anything like that. It's just a garden tool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, but nowadays, like, the kids know the pin code that we have for Netflix, you know, they're not idiots, cause they see us enter it every time we fucking, you know what I mean? Like, they're not stupid, so if they wanted, they could watch the scariest horror movie on Netflix that they could find, because they- it's just there on the fucking telly. But when Rambo came out,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, my theory is called, this is the acronym, MAMEBOSS, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it stands for, middle-aged man is indestructible because he is old school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, in all of these films, these guys will basically kill a room full of people, quite often in hand to hand combat, or in a gunfight, or whatever, and because they're old school and have knowledge-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in none of these films, I can't- I think in Equalizer he definitely uses a knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Die Hard 4, I don't think he uses a knife at any point. No. History of Violence, he gets stabbed in the foot at one point. I don't remember him using a knife, he definitely shoots people. And in Homefront, it's just Jason Statham beating people up. These guys are all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's, there's quite often, uh, in, in a lot of these, uh, m-mami boss films, sometimes there's a barely disguised


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But generally speaking, it's a guy in his 50s or 60s kicking a bunch of 20 year old guys arse and these lads are all jacked because he has some clever


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, experience, or uh, or he has some good patter, like he'll be like,


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[Assistant] And honestly, it's pathetic. And I think this is basically marketed to me. This is for my demographic. Middle-aged men, dads, who might once have been quite tough. Not me, obviously, in that instance. But thinking, yeah, I've still got it. I'll show these young kids. There's a lot of, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, I think it's basically, uh, I think it's playing into a very specific mindset of people who hate young people, think they could definitely still beat them up and that they're all silly and that they're all front and that's, you know, ooh, get them in there with someone like Robert Duvall, uh, you know, and honestly, you can watch this scene. I can't remember what the film is called. Let me look it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're all so grateful to him and it's all just straightforward common sense and all these young folks look to him for inspiration and he basically saves the day. Uhm, and this was a guy who'd retired and then he comes in and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not, that's no big deal. I just said, I wanna do a reality show, where we get some geriatric 80 plus year old, like fucking De Niro, stick him in an office, a young tech startup, and let's just see him, let's see him fix things. Let's see him put it, set it all to rights. And uh, suddenly, yeah, the business runs better, cause he's got some old gripper to solve everything.


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[Assistant] But yea, plagiar- you can't accidentally plagiarise, I think. Cause you'd have to be very unlucky. I mean, it has happened that two separate people have written almost the exact same thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno if they did. Like, that is kind of up there for questioning, but I don't think, if you wrote...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before we continue the show, Sips, using the internet without ExpressVPN is like not paying attention to the safety demonstration on a flight. I always watch that. I don't know about you guys, but I always do. Most of the time you're probably not gonna need it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is better to be safe than sorry, that little yellow mask drops down. You're panicking, you're in a flap, you spill your gin and tonic everywhere.


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[Assistant] And the reason that a lot of places, a lot of companies do that is because apparently there's a lot of experience, um, of, uh, that like, I think the, the, the government in Delaware has done this a lot. I know that sounds weird, but as I understand it, that means there's a lot of people that know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The little tail thing. He's never going into a coffee shop and like, I'll get these, beep. He's never doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd go shoot some virgins as a reference to virgin media. Alright, I've had a lot of messages about this this week, Lewis, I need you to comment on it. Are you ready?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Kyle Walker. Oh no. Okay, Kyle Walker has been rumbled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it turns out he's done it again, she's had another baby, and now it's all over. I've had like ten emails, Lewis is right, Karl Walker's a cunt, like just constantly. And people on Instagram sending me stuff, people on Twitter, just desperately trying to get me to ask you, your tape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, this is a weird one, but you know Google, when you just go to the Google homepage, they'll have like a picture of someone on the Google homepage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's James Baldwin, who was a sort of writer in the 60s and 70s, I think he was very big, wrote a lot about the struggle of black people in America in the civil rights era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I clicked the homepage, I just glanced, I thought it was Bill Cosby. And I thought, are you fucking kidding me? Why is Google gonna put a picture of Bill Cosby? And I clicked it really quickly and I was very relieved to see it's James Baldwin. It is not a drawing that looks like James Baldwin. It really doesn't. If you look at it, it's a very bad representation of James Baldwin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like the free Windows editor thing. Uhm, and uh, it was just, I, I just, we were watching TJ Hooker, we've been watching TJ Hooker on stream, and we're on like Season 4 now, we're plowing through it, it's a dreadful show, but there was an episode with an orangutan in it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, which is like a 20 second clip of a black and white movie from I think the 40s, 1943, 1944, that features a bunch of Germans mistaking a chimpanzee for Hitler on the telephone. That's the clip. And YouTube was like, oh yea, you can't use that because it's got a bit from Tarzan in it.


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[Assistant] Of course. So I've got, uhm, this is an essay that I wanted to do. It's very long. It's really long. It's about action movies. And I've been wanting to do it for ages. And uhm, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but essentially you just get fucked. So I thought of a way around that but unfortunately I'll talk to you about it afterwards.


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[Assistant] Howland Island is an uninhabited coral island. Oh, it's a coral island? Just located just north of the equator. So impossible to land on. It's halfway between Hawaii and Australia. Fucking hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was sighted by whalers in 1822. They must have thought, look at the size of that whale. And then they're like, ah shit, it's an island. There was some guano mining there for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need some horse tranks or something, I can't sleep, it's insane, it's so painful, like everything is painful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As you do every once in a while and uh, it just progressively got worse and worse and worse. And over time it has evolved as well. At first it just really hurt to sit, like sit upright in a chair or like drive a car or whatever. It felt like on my left side.


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[Assistant] It felt like under my armpit and like the side of my torso was like not able to.


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[Assistant] To stretch like it was like really tight, you know, like it felt like every time I sat down, like it felt like it was going to like rip. It was really, really quite painful, but uhm, so it meant like if I sat at my computer to stream or play games or whatever that also hurt.


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[Assistant] But I was able to sleep no problem, like I could sleep on my back, on my side, and it was fine, so I got some relief.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. And then for the past, for the past week, it's been bearable sitting at a, at a, at a desk in a chair. Um, it hasn't been so bad driving and stuff.


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[Assistant] I cannot sleep. I can't sleep on my side. I say, like the minute I roll over on my side, I can feel my neck and my shoulder, like the muscles just start to like spasm and then they just, it just intensifies. This is over the course of like a minute to the point where I just have to sit up. Like it feels like I'm being stabbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can take me out back and old yeller my ass or something, I don't know, I'm done. It's just too painful.


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[Assistant] You must have googled it, right? I have, yeah. And, uh, and it's like, oh, these are instant relief, do these stretches, do this, do that. Great, yeah, thanks. None of it has worked. I've tried every single one, and not a single one of them has worked. These videos have like millions of views. Sorry, you're watching YouTube videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you wake up at three in the morning, you feel like somebody's stabbing you, you can't get back to sleep. There's not much else to do except for watch, you know, YouTube videos on what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to get new pillows and I could have got like a firm pillow, but then they had a not so firm pillow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda, yeah, but I think now they've got some crazy space age material that just can stay cool for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bit longer than normal material or something, I dunno. But it does actually stay cool, like, when you lay down, it does feel quite cold, it's nice. I believe it. Like, colder than a normal pillow, but... Oh my god. It has also crippled...


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[Assistant] Some of these bands, I think, like when you, when you think back to bands, um, in like the, say like the eighties or the nineties or whatever, there were scenes around the music and I'm sure there still are scenes around the music, but I feel like if you're older, it's harder to potentially get into those scenes, you know, cause they're usually,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, younger people are, are part of them, right? Like it's, it's, it's almost like part of their everyday, you know, like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like say you live in California in the 80s and you're part of like the punk rock scene back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's kind of like your life, right? You, you, you go to parties with all the same people and all the same bands play and it's very intimate, right? Like these, these aren't big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're seeing this band, okay, at a point in their career, if you like, as a band, where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it could go either way, right? Like they're probably just starting out or maybe, you know, they've been doing it for a little while, but they just haven't gotten any, any real traction, if you like, or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, there's, there's tons of huge bands now that started like that, right? That would play, play gigs, empty gigs, you know? Of course. There's bands now that can fill stadiums where their first gigs were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had no money, they turned up to places and just hoped that they could even get a gig and would play to nobody. Or they paid, played to 10 people who would all leave the minute they started playing basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, my son really likes this, um, DJ that I think there's a character of the DJ in Fortnite, but he doesn't actually like, he likes the idea that this DJ has a character in Fortnite. I don't think he's ever heard any of the music or whatever, but he's like, oh yeah, he's my favorite DJ and stuff, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, and like, most of the music in Fortnite just drives me nuts, like I have to turn the music off, the menu music and everything. You know, like, it's like, uh, the one that's on now is like some anime music or something, and it just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but like, the idea of like, the little avatars, the animated people, and stuff. I guess, yeah. I mean, it's like, it's just- Is it like, Caramel Dancin' type stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Have I ever told you about Wesley Willis before? Wesley Willis. Wesley Willis. Uh, Flax, maybe you've heard of him, I dunno, maybe Lewis is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, listen, I'll read, uh, I'll read a little synopsis for you and see if it jogs your memory, okay? As an American musician and visual artist diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1989,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Willis began a career as an underground singer-songwriter in the outsider music tradition. Willis' songs are typically partially spoken in an MC style and partially sung in a nasal and out-of-tune manner reminiscent of punk rock vocals. They feature bizarre, humorous, and sometimes obscene or absurd lyrics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Song over backing created by using the auto accompaniment feature of his Technics KN keyboard. His songs cover a wide variety of topics with mental illness and consumerism being the most prominent themes.


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[Assistant] It was, uh, that's probably the weirdest live act I've ever seen in my life. Uhm. You saw him live? Yes, I did. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when we went, we went to see him live, I'll tell you a little story about when we went to see him live as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the whole, the bathroom of the venue, the men's bathroom of the venue,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, uh, it's Wesley Willis. And we're like, what do you mean? He's like, he does this everywhere he goes. Like before he goes on stage, he takes a huge dump and basically clogs up like all the pipes in the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was terrible. I do enjoy live music and I would even go as far as to say I enjoy live music even if I'm not particularly into the band or the music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I saw Andrew W.K. live in quite a big venue, but no, it wasn't a stadium, it was just a venue, and it was insane. Like, it was so loud, I was deaf for like a month after the show. It was insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yeah, yeah. It was a fun show though, like the energy levels were just like, in outer space it was nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a weird, uh, it's a weird kind of, it's a really, really energetic rock, isn't it? Like, it's fast, but like, almost exhaustingly so. It's kinda simplistic, I think, yeah. It's really weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think it's attracting new players like they were hoping to at one point. I think there was a big push to get new players into the game, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's just other options nowadays, aren't there? Not even for MOBAs, but I think there's just other, way, way more games now and other games that people can get involved in. And Dota isn't, is it the draw it used to be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you have people, people come and go too. There's people, long standing people who leave the scene for a variety of reasons as well and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so you're like that guy on the wire who's got like a, you know, like he's got like a mickey in his desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was. I watched the episode, it was good. Well, I mean, it was The Apprentice, they were all useless. You recognised local Jersey sites? Well, of course!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and Karen Brady had her notepad and her sunglasses on and she was looking around and making notes. And we thought that was kind of funny because like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, to think that Karen Brady is like in the market that you go to nearly every day or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that was about it. They went to, like, the really nice parts of the island, for sure. Karen Brady's so hot, she's such a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did, uh, there's a thing in Fortnite, uhm, my son plays it, uh, every day with his friends from school. They go on and play, like when they get home from school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I was, I, every once in a while, I just, uh, like, you know, peer over his shoulder and say, oh, you know, take cover or, you know, I'm giving him advice. He's probably way better than me, but, um, he's on the shop and he was talking to his friends and, uh, they got a Lady Gaga skin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but anyways, she's got like a skin and there's like some music clip with an emote and stuff, and I just figured, nah, nobody's probably gonna buy that, right? And he joins a game in the lobby that like every fucking person has it. Like there's all Lady Gaga skins and they're all doing the emote music and stuff, so what the fuck do I know? How strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be alarmed to smell that in my gaming garage. I would think that there was actually a fire breaking out. The smell of explosions. That's not very clever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine, uh, imagine the thing malfunctioned and you're playing, like, uh, Baldur's Gate 3 and you meet, like, your dream honey for the very first time and it emits the smell of shit and just ruins the whole thing for you. This smells like manure, what the fuck is going on with my scent box? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love it if it could detect, using AI it could detect what I'm doing, like farting or burping, and then when I'm playing Tarkov or whatever with a squad, if I burp, they could smell


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate that, didn't they do something like this for the South Park game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've never had to replace a toilet seat. You live alone though, it's unlikely. My toilet doesn't get that much traffic. The more people you have in your house, it increases the odds of your toilet seat breaking. And when they break, trust me, it is a pain in the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are like house dark arts. My, my wife always like, she, like, she, she hates it because there's certain things where it's like, oh no, you can't turn it that way. And she's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's so annoying, like it shouldn't be that way. She has no idea that it's broken in the first place and then she's just getting this like forbidden knowledge from me that no, no, do not turn it that way or it'll get stuck sort of thing. Um, we got, we got a whole bunch of shit like that around our house where it's just like, it's everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody doesn't know the dark art and then it's broken and then all of a sudden it's a big priority to get that thing fixed. Something that's just been like that for years. We have a, we got a smaller, like a cloakroom bathroom on the ground floor, you know? Same, yeah, it's little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so, so for the past couple of weeks, the door's been jammed. Like you can, you could just about open it to get in, but you can't close it or whatever. And my mother-in-law was over while this was all happening. And my mother-in-law's default is put WD-40 on it. Anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not getting stuck because it's all rusty or anything like that. It's, you know, I think, I, I think you pulled it too hard and it came off the road and she's like, no, no, no, just get some WD-40 on there. I'm not putting WD-40 on there. This went on for like hours. My wife's like, come on, why don't you just try the WD-40? It's like, no, it's not the WD-40. Anyway, instead of actually looking at it and fixing it, it just left it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like that for weeks and we were just like, oh, we're going to have to get somebody in to look at it. We're going to have to replace the door. We're going to have to place the runner or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I used all of my rage strength to like try to remove the door from the rail cause I thought it was jammed. But then it turns out that there's just a screw loose that was like protruding out and then causing the door to get stuck on it when you tried to push it back. Like it just come loose and it was sticking out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always think of that scene in Father Ted when they're trying to get the dent out of the car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're meant to have that like 1950s, uh, like gleam and shine to them, but they, but everything looks a little bit dirty because of the setting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vent a little bit, be, you know, you know, be a little bit like emotional about something or whatever, but I feel like people who say that just like, you know, it's inconvenient to them. So they just try to shut you down straight away. They don't want to hear about it, but it's like, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's sometimes that, you know, life isn't perfect all the time. Like, yeah, I know other people are suffering or whatever, but right now in this moment, I feel like shit and I'm talking about myself. So give me this, these five minutes and then we'll get back to solving world hunger or whatever. After that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well we went- last year we went in December, right before Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and it's quite nice. Yeah, they do it up really nice. Like they've got- Did you do like a lot of activities and stuff? Yeah, yeah, we did tons. Like you could still just go swimming and stuff. Like the, uh, the pool's really nicely heated, even like the outdoor bits. It's, it's kind of fun actually, cause it's so cold outside, but inside the pool is like so fucking warm. So it's like, I don't know, it makes it even more relaxing somehow, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a, it's a resort. It's like a, uh, it's, it's, it's like a, like a little cottage-y resort. It's, think about like a big campsite, but instead of, uh, just like a lot where you put down a tent or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got all of these identical little cottages for people to stay in and they can, they can fit, you know, up from like two people up to families of six or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really popular for people to go with extended family as well. You see lots of like, you'll see like a lot of young couples with kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's kind of like a, like an activity resort sort of thing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's literally how someone described me yesterday. You could do as much or as little as you want to, but everything is like, uh, you gotta pay extra for all the activities, right? Like, if you wanna go to the pool, you can go to the pool for free, but you gotta like, pay for a towel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta pay to like breathe the air while you're there. You gotta pay for a bike helmet. You gotta rent a bike. But like, I mean, we, we come from, we come over from Jersey, so we either have to take a ferry with our car. So we're limited on what we can load into the car because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, all the restrictions or flying and then we can take even less. But if you live on mainland England and you're, you're driving an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to check in on either a Monday or a Friday and then leave on the Monday or Friday. So like Monday and Friday are busy days where there's cars in the morning, you know, going to get people out and then people coming in. But every other day there's no cars. So super safe for kids to go bike riding. There's all these like nature walks, nature trails for bikes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lake, you can like, you can do like paddle boating, there's fishing, like there's tons of shit, there's like a commando course, a zipline, you should go on that, Lewis would probably like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. And then like, uh, there's seasonal stuff too. I know because like, uh, we do go all the fucking time, but my kids love it. So we, you know, it's a nice, it's a nice, uh, place to go cause there's tons for them to do and then- Man, I'm so much more hyped about it now. We feel like we get like a bit of a rest too. Like depending where you go with kids, you feel like you don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it might be, like the more people you get, the accommodation varies there too, like you can get big, like it scales up to the point where you can get accommodation that has like, you know, like a built-in sauna, hot tub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the morning, you see people spilling out of like one accommodation. There's like 20 of them and you can tell it's just like all like parents, grandparents, grandkids, like everybody, but, um, but they can accommodate it. It's like, it, it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty, it's pretty good. It's well set up. I think it's a, it was, it might still be owned by a Canadian company, actually the whole thing, Centerparts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where the inspiration comes from. Yeah, I think it was originally like a Dutch resort. Oh, Schinterparksch. Yeah, Schinterparksch. Schinterparksch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which then went, uh, international, uh, and, uh, yeaah, some, I think some Canadian, like, venture capitalist fund or something scooped it up, and they were trying to sell it, but it's worth billions, like, it's fucking huge, man, it's- They were trying to sell it. Yeah, they were trying to sell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go swimming, uhm, my, my kids love the, the rapids, like it's, uh, you, you just kinda like slide down, like it's all like the contour of the pool, but it's like a, you know, it's meant to be like a white water rapid sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We must've gone on like, like 200 times every session we had in the pool, like it was insane. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wake up earlier than everyone else, and if you wake up early, like 7 o'clock or something like that, you can go for a walk, it's so quiet man, there's nobody out. Like you can walk to the central place and get a coffee and just stroll around a bit and stuff, it's really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great. You're close to it too. If you're going to the one close to you, take your bike because you can, there's all sorts of nature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over the course of 15 years, 700 people were accused of, uh, committing fraud against the post office, which should have raised flags left, right and center. Like the first five people that were accused of that should have raised red flags all over the place. 700 people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, but the thing to remember, so this is 700 people who still to this day have done nothing wrong because there's a computer glitch. Most of them have been charged with fraud. A lot of them have served jail time. Or are still in prison. These are, or are still in prison. These are just regular people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the topic of YouTube journalism, I watched a documentary, a documentary on YouTube, uh, about boogie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It hits close to home, like in some ways, because obviously, because he's a content creator and he lives off of, um, um, YouTube money or well did, I guess, I don't know if he really does anymore, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's, it's, it's just, it's about his fall, uh, into being, well, broke ultimately. Just lots of bad decisions and, uh, just, just bad lifestyle choices and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the YouTube, hang on, let me just find the one that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lost a bit of weight, he had his teeth done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I only watched about 20 minutes of it, uhm, I was- I don't even know how it got recommended to me, but when I saw it I just thought, oh, this looks, what the hell, like there's a documentary, so I watched it a bit, and uh, it is a bit sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little bit dark as well, so you know, I think the title was maybe well chosen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the, the, uh, he's the patient zero of the fake news. He's the, he's the spreader. He's the super spreader.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if I was speaking to an MP though, I wouldn't go in with stats and stuff like that. I would just appeal on a very human level, just say, listen, I have a family. I have, I'm lucky enough where I could work from home. I'm not able to work from home because the service is so bad. I just need some help. And I would just leave it at that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes me feel good. It makes me feel really good to be helpful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, off the cuff, just buy some bird seed. You can get some like peanuts for the squirrels if you like to as well. There's squirrels. I tell you what, if you go for a walk early, you'll see deer and all sorts, like tons of wildlife. It's amazing. Like I go like, you should just go get coffee in the morning with like, uh, either my son or my daughter's son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's quiet enough, you'll see loads of deer and all sorts of stuff. I'll take those pictures, I'll send you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Center Parks, uhm, which I cannot invite you to because it's already oversubscribed, there's so many people that just wanna get it on in an orgy with all of us, so I'm so sorry. Signed. Signed orgy guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An Eventbrite thing, you can sign up. Ecological Circus Performance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I don't know if he's doing that much anymore because in the 20 minutes I watched at the start of the documentary he was very transparent about his finances. Apparently he lost about 600 grand in, uh, in Bitcoin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I was already really losing interest in Twitter before the X stuff. I barely posted on it or read it. I don't even really use it at all anymore. I barely check it. Like, occasionally I get DMs on it from people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then I usually just say, oh, just hit me up on Discord or something that's a bit, cause Twitter DMs are so annoying as well. It's like some weird lag or something with them. You never get notified that you've had a response and stuff and you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think that like, months later, you're like, I never heard back from this person. You go look and there's a response that you just hadn't, you haven't responded to cause you didn't, weren't notified about it and stuff. Like, ah fuck it's so annoying. It is bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have to figure him out, and then they'd hire me. They think they could break you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where we started from. Yes. What a wonderful time to be alive. Well, maybe for some it is. I've got a pinched nerve in my neck this week, and it has been killing my ass. Hard. It's the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Constantly as well. And the worst thing is, it hurts to sit down. You know like most pain is like you sit down, you get a relief from it? This is the opposite. Like, uh, I'm standing up all the time. It's so annoying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It baffles me though, because I am so buff, you know, like I've got huge muscles, I work out all the time, spend more time in the gym than I do gaming, for sure, and uh, and still here I am. You know, you get punished just for like five minutes a game in a day, pretty much it feels like, so uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could have been. They asked me to shift my gear over to the left at one point, and I think it might have given me a neck or a spinal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One interesting thing that's come out of this, and it's not something I ever really considered before, but uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Discovered through this that most doctors across the UK and indeed maybe the whole world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's just it, they're all at home watching Farm in Sim it seems, so, yeah. Uhm, yeah. So that was a cool thing to find out as well. Oh my goodness. That's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got all the technicians in yours, I got all the doctors. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we should get, maybe we should join forces at some point and they can, the two of them can battle it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't really get into the TV series. I tried to watch a couple of episodes and I liked it enough, but having loved the film and seen it a couple of times, I feel like it would take a lot for me to get into the series enough to make me enjoy it more than the film. I just thought that the film was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's pretty funny, yeah. I could take him or leave him, honestly, but he's pretty funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lewis, I'm more interested to find out what you did for Valentine's Day, because me and Flax are both married with children and uh, Valentine's hit's a bit different for us, because uh, I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could probably safely say both of us don't really give a shit about it, and I don't think our wives really do either. Yup, they don't give a shit. You, who are a young, budding, dater, on the dating scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would have had to, um, really pulled out the razzle dazzle yesterday, I would have thought, with a date, probably?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's not a busy night, that's good, right? Because a restaurant wants, uh, if you're passing by, and you look in, and you see people in there, you're more inclined to then go in yourself, right? But on a really busy night, like Valentine's Day, they want you to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Yeah, we don't really go in for Valentine's Day. We got some stuff for the kids. The kids like it. They kinda, you know, we got, just got them some chocolates and cards and stuff like that, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna try some traditional methods next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'd feel bad doing a palentines, like, uh, cause I don't even really celebrate valentines with my wife. I think if I turned around and was like, yeah, me and, uh, me and Stu were gonna have a palentines, she'd be like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have had a couple of people write into the mailbag who are in prison, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because any excuse to eat more pancakes... It's just an excuse to fuck around and make pancakes, and we don't do it. So what kind of pancakes are you doing? We just got some, uh, we just got some... the best. Morrison's... The British... The best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They prepare it for you, it's all like stringy and gooey that you can eat it right off a stick. Fuck, it's fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, to make it, uh, kind of like what it is, uh, when you consume it. But, uh, it's still got that great taste. Like, uh, like when it comes out of the tree, you, you want to add like a bit of sugar to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's uh, I mean, and that's great, but people who choose not to eat them have decided their path, and they- and there's alternatives for them. Like, they- they- they know-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but I'm sure they know if they've decided not to have them. Like, I'm not gonna spend all my time going into it, I have no intention of ever being a vegan, so I know bits and pieces about them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you're lucky enough to know somebody, your neighbour keeps chickens and treats them well, and you can enjoy their eggs, good. That's great. But that's not everybody, right? There's fucking eight billion people in the world who probably don't have access to a cool neighbour that keeps chickens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How, how much would you lose your mind if you got down there and one of your primary food sources was chicken eggs and somebody said I won't eat them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they give a fuck because they know none of this affects them because they're all old and they're probably gonna be dead within 10 years or whatever and none of this stuff affects them and they don't care.