[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because nothing, nothing but pee is meant to go up that pee tube. Exactly. Especially not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any of that shit. Any of that shit. Right. You, you include all of it. Oh, the whole thing. The whole pantheon. What about the, what about the Alexander technique? What's that? Have you heard of that? What's that? It's like a, like a, it's kinda like a technique that sorta teaches you to retrain your posture and stuff, cause they think that a lot of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Illnesses, like common, like modern day illnesses are caused by people like slumped over at desks for like 12 hours. Is there any science to back this up? Probably not, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it might have worked, it might have worked but the fact of the matter is back then is that yea sure maybe that like helped you temporarily but then you just died at the age of like 25 anyway because we were without modern medicine right? Like medieval times? Could be that. People just lived in squalor and they died from like all sorts of weird shit. No one cleaned their teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they used to dump like, they used to dump their commodes like just out in the road and people would walk through them and like trudge all that shit back through their house and they'd get fucking diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the human adult body is pretty smelly though, like, you know, you have to do a lot to keep on top of that stench, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just consider it. Well, I mean some people are up for that though, I'm just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just ugly. I'm sure you can find it. Maybe. I mean there's like all sorts of porn if you really put your mind to it and look around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well look at all the Overwatch porn there is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you know though, like what's your journey to that? Like how do you go from not having inflatables to then all of a sudden getting off on being inflated and inflatables?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so prop heavy. It's not like just going to the bathroom and just like knocking one out, you know, like you got to have a pump and like fucking all these like different things and get inflated. Yeah, hell yeah. Like how do you get a house to yourself for that long to do all that? That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, shit yeaah, he passed away. Fuckin' you see, he had a good ol' long life though. He was like, well in his 80s and stuff when he passed away. Still sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, so Roger Moore, I'd still stand by the- I mean, the fact is, like, when you die when you're 89, of like, whatever ends up killing you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably still better than dying at like the age of 52 from like an accidental overdose or something like that. You know what I mean? Like it's always a bit more tragic when somebody's younger. Yeah, I see what you mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not only does it suck so bad for the kid who never got to like, live much life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, but no, I hadn't read a book in a while, uhm, just because I play a lot of video games. Yea, no need to make excuses, we understand. But I picked up Red Rising, because you kept going on about it, saying it was super good. So I actually went to go get it from the library, and they didn't have it, because we were at the library with the kids, so I was like, maybe I'll check for Red Rising, and they have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I went and bought it. Like I actually bought, I didn't even get it for like a tablet or anything, I actually bought a paper book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. No, but yea, so like, I can totally fucking recommend Red Rising. If you've never read it before, I don't even find it too sci-fi heavy, you know? Like, I was telling my wife about it. My wife does not like sci-fi. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, just, you know, I don't wanna talk about this. I'm like, okay, okay, fine. But I told her about this book, I was like, there's no like, you know, he doesn't pull out his reverse photon 3929-D,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm fuckin' not okay. Geez. Like, if I was gonna say that I didn't like bodega, I would just come up straight up and I'd say, I fuckin' hate bodega.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sponsored walk with a, with a class of 40.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five year olds. Wow, that was really fun. 45 year olds? What are they doing? No, 40 individual five year olds. Oh, fuck. They, I think kids just want to kill themselves. Like it's crazy. They, they're just, they have no sort of concept of what's going on around them ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The amount of people that needs, need to help a column of 40 kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get like down a pedestrian walkway to like an objective and then back. It's staggering. It's crazy. Like so many people need to get involved to like stop cars and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's it work? Did you get any sponsors? We sponsored him and then like all of our family members and some of our neighbours, you sponsored him as well. Just FYI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A couple of other people, you know. And uhm, yeaah, so he did pretty good. Like he finished the walk, but it's not really about that anyway. But I think they're trying to save up for like a new fucking, I don't know, like a trampoline or something. I don't know what the fuck they're gonna use the money for. But anyway, they do one every year, they raise money and they get something cool like for the kids at school sort of thing. Uhm, so it's like worth doing and stuff, but man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I disagree, Louis. I like the sun as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to be sitting out there for too long. Like, I don't want to get burnt. It's too hot. You just walked three hours in it. What are you talking about? I know. I didn't have a choice in that. I'm not going to go out of my way to sit outside and read a book when I can just do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bastard. The minute I get a little bit of sun, I'm just, I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring on the winter, let's get back to like six months of grey drudgery please, like cold and grey, wet, damp, so damp over here too. Damn. You know, you miss it after a while, you just think like fuck all this sun, let's get back to that shit, that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you heard of this show? Is this the one where he goes to America and goes to hotels and there are always like family run hotels that are just total garbage and nobody stays at them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that. No, I just think, uh, like British people are just a lot more confrontational, but not, they're not necessarily yelling. They're, they're like, did you just look at my bird and then headbutt you in the face?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then don't, do you think that maybe your expectations are, are like too high in that case? Cause like, I mean, if you're just going to order like a margarita pizza, I mean, it's just a margarita pizza, right? No, it's not. It's not meant to change your life. Like it's just, it's meant to keep you going for a couple hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time I eat a margarita pizza, literally I'm like, this is fantastic. Because normally I'm pretty hungry at the time, I'm fucking ready to devour that margarita pizza. So yea, every time I eat one, I'm like that. You're a simple man. I don't know if I'm simple, I think I'm a realistic guy. Like, you know, some people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people live to eat, I just eat to live. That's a shame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bit of a pain in the ass. Like sometimes, some days I'm like, I wish that we would just, could just like, you know, inject ourselves with something that would just keep us like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I think like, I think that's the thing with food. Food...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The type of foods that you eat and certain foods really contribute to your, obviously your well-being.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, not just your general mood, everything, right? Like the healthier you eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's more boring, but you feel so much better in so many ways, right? And that's why, that's why like a lot of the top chefs will like really dress up and tart up like, like healthy foods, you know, like they'll make it, they'll make them super


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good to eat and like, and like a pleasant experience to eat and then you feel really good and stuff like that. I think you would just get like instantly depressed if you were eating something unpleasant all the time and you never had like another, any other options sort of thing. I'm not saying that I want to eat unpleasant food, like if I could just eat like a very spe- like pleasant


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Space paste, or like drink like a really nutritious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to work with a guy from India who was over here in Jersey. He was like on a secondment for a couple of years, like working at the bank and stuff. And uhm, he said back home,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they, cause they would, they would have like lots of like dolls and they'd have like, you know, lots of curries and stuff like that. But he lived with like three other guys and what they did was they would all, they all chipped in and some dude would come to their house everyday and prepare just a ton of food to like see them through the day or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he said it was fucking amazing. Like this guy was just like a really good-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time I was in France, okay, this is when I used to eat meat. And uhm, we always struggle when we go to France, because my wife back then was still a vegetarian. I wasn't quite a vegetarian, but even then, French food can be very different depending on the region of France that you're in, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we were, we were, we went to this restaurant, we were really hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It took forever to find something that like my wife could get that didn't have meat in it or whatever, but we found something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was just like, I was super hungry and I was just like, I want something like kind of familiar. So I'll get like this sausage and chips, right? But it's like, like a blood sausage, but I didn't realize it at the time. Like I thought it was just going to be like a sauce, a normal kind of sausage and like some chips or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I ordered this thing, and I'm super hungry, and I'm waiting, and we're just talking and stuff, and then- I love how you go to the most posh French restaurant- Well, it wasn't even really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, but I was desperate, I was not feeling adventurous at all, I was just hungry, like I just wanted something somewhat familiar, I just needed to eat sort of thing. Waiter comes out with this plate, with this sausage on it, and he puts it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And instantly this smell hits me, and for a split second...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, and then I tried this thing, and ho- oh my god, it was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh fuck, I just ate the chips, like I had, like I couldn't, I couldn't do it, like it was, it was so fucking bad, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some food can fuck right off in my opinion, like, I don't know. I think some, like, I can't believe that some people eat that stuff and they, you know, they go on and on and on about it and it's like, ugh, fucking just eat, eat and just shut up about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people just assume that you're just some weird fucking tree hugger because you don't want to eat like fucking shitty mass produced processed meat. But I think people that eat that shit are the people who have a fucking issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I know. But like, but some people really go out of their way and you think like, what the fuck is the problem here? Like, who cares what I'm eating? Like, I'm just fucking trying to get by as same as you, okay? You eat whatever you fucking eat. I'm just gonna eat whatever I fucking eat. It's not that interesting a fucking topic of conversation to begin with. Like, let's fucking talk about tits or something instead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A guy I used to work with did a lot and it was like, it was pretty weird because he kept


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is going on about it? He was like obsessed with it, you know? Like, you'd always have this smirk, like every time we'd go to like a meal or something like that, he'd be like, oh well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking sweating profusely, like just out of nowhere at work and stuff and he thought he was like about to have a heart attack or something. He had to go to the doctor a bunch of times and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he just did like a total reversal. Cause he went to the doctor and the doctor's like, yeah, your cholesterol's like super fucking high, like you're super unhealthy, you gotta stop eating meat basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I never like, I never like, had to deal with him much, which was nice. And like, and when I did, I would just sort of ignore it or something. But man, people rose to that shit all the time and he loved it. You know, like he just wanted to fucking be in the middle of some drama and he was just like, would love like winding people up and stuff. And he was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can see why people get depressed working in office jobs because there's always one or two guys like that in these places. Like they're just like, I don't know what's wrong with them, but like they just seem to really go out of their way to like make people's lives like an absolute misery at work sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, ah, it's just crazy. Like, ah, fuck, I'm so glad I don't have to work at an office. Yeah, gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know in these movies, especially in war movies, right? There's a group of guys that are in a battalion together or whatever and they really respect their serge and they'll do anything for them and they'll risk their lives for them and he's super experienced and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knows what he's doing and he leads them all really well and stuff. And I think if I worked at a job with a guy like that in charge of me, holy shit, you know, like I would be like on the verge of sucking his dick all the time. Like I would have no problem with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact of the matter is, and the harsh reality is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mostly the people that are going to be in charge of you in an office are not skilled. They have no fucking managerial experience. They have no fucking people skills half the time. They don't know what they're fucking doing. Like they can't even do their job, let alone manage you. But these are the people that have to like review your performance and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a, it's a really fucking, it's, it's quite the pill to swallow sometimes cause you're just sitting there like, you're fucking managing my performance? Like what the fuck do you do all day asshole? Like it's crazy. It's really nuts. Amen. I'm never going back. If, if, if all this ends tomorrow,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they gonna be standalone? What the fuck are we gonna fill the last like 20 minutes with then now? Vegetarian stuff. Right, okay. For a balanced diet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get, uh, uh, like a brick of halloumi, okay? You cut it up into little squares, you shove that in the frying pan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you cut up a whole bunch of peppers, okay? Green peppers, yellow peppers, red peppers, all the peppers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to, optionally, boil up a little bit of rice on the side and then like right as everything is like getting ready, like fried up in the pan and stuff, just chuck the rice in like a couple of minutes and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put all of it into a bowl when it's done. I'll put some salt and pepper on there as well. It's pretty nice. Put it all into a bowl after it's all done frying up and stuff. And then get some soft tortillas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wraps, right? Okay. Dice up some tomatoes. Get some lettuce. Man, like the best fucking meal you'll ever have, I'm telling you. So good. It's really good. Just make like some big fucking wraps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Triforce podcast, not just the Triforce podcast, one of the top rated podcasts on all of iTunes right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We won the best variety award from, uh, Pornhub podcast review last week as well, which is a huge accolade for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Triforce Podcast, it's the best. Just don't listen to it in Budapest. Okay, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It goes dark at the end, see like how it goes like, it kind of goes a bit creepy, like it's like, oh fuck, what the fuck's going on in Budapest?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if we got William Shatner to like do the, you know, his spoken word singing for the jingle too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be up for that. I don't know if you would though. Okay. I mean, maybe if we show him our stats though, he'd be like, whoa, no, 1.5.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Which one is your favorite of the two submitted so far?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you had to pick one though, like which one's getting on the plane and which one's getting floated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a thorough jugging. Yeaah, these are great ideas. I can see...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see why people listen to this now. Like I didn't understand the hype at first. You know, when we got those stats through and I was like, wow, somebody out there is loving this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who wants to bring the whole podcast system down from the inside of the UK?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't think Lewis did either. Terps might've, I guess. I'm shocked. I don't think I did. Chatter is seafood though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm not a vegan, but I don't eat chicken, I don't eat fish, I don't eat meat, so make a wish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's cool, yea. It was really fun. We took a couple of days out and looked around. We can't say much about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's furiously concentrating on what they're, it's like an intense game of chess. All of our brains are whizzing and worrying and we're like, what can I say? How do I filter myself here? Normally I operate without filter, but now all of a sudden I have to filter


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got to though, and every game company, every big game company is like that. I mean, Blizzard are the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You probably will get people talking about stuff that maybe they shouldn't be talking about or whatever, but then I think when, when these companies sort of progress on, they get a couple of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't let people know about it beforehand because, you know, it's, it's still, it's still competition. It's still an industry that they operate in and if they've got this great idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a lot of stuff has come out of Google from that. That's, with, with creative jobs, you can't, you can't just pigeonhole people into like nine to five strict. You have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to sit on your chair all day and you can only have one hour for lunch at one o'clock and stuff. You know, like I think if you, if you let people go off and have time and flexibility to do stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is that like, you know, it does come with a guarantee. There's obviously like a high standard, like the, you know, the stuff that they do release is often very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More than the actual content, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we haven't really said anything. It's probably fine. We watched a lot of movies while we were there, flax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terps wanted me to see it because he was like, I want to see what it's like for somebody who doesn't watch these movies. Like what they think of it sort of thing. And I thought it was pretty good. It was entertaining. Like the effects and stuff were awesome. It was very funny at parts. Like it was just, it was just a good movie. I really enjoyed it. I liked it a lot. I liked it a lot too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the characters I didn't know, like at all. Like I didn't, I didn't realize that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he didn't seem that powerful in that movie. My whole sort of recollection of that guy was just crying all the time basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, apparently, uhm, cause we went to, while we were in Seattle, we went to the, uhm, we went to this, like, uh, Marvel exhibit. They had it at the Museum of Popular Culture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is pretty good, it was just it had like a bunch of the costumes and some like art and like early stuff and whatever. And I was reading the bit about Guardians of the Galaxy and apparently it's like they completely reinvented it like for modern audiences because like the characters were just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old and they didn't really feature much or do much and it was a completely different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing and then I guess a couple of guys got together and just sorta like reinvented them recently, like for the movie adaptations or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that bald guy from Guardians of the Galaxy actually killed me. I was crying with laughter. It was such a moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found Spider-Man in Infinity War without spoiling anything. And again, the last time I saw a Spider-Man movie was the one with fucking Kirsten Dunst in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the, like, the first one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and, and Spider-Man in that was okay, I guess, like, you know, he's just sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did his thing, but I, I found the, the Spider-Man and Infinity War, he was like, it was like watching Batman and Robin, like he was just like, he just seemed so sort of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What age did you start out with Harry Potter? What was it like 26, 27? Yeaah, it's like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again. I'm actually just looking at a Google image.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched, I watched Walk Hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Dewey Cox story movie, uhm, the one with John C. Reilly in it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever seen that one where he's like a kind of like a country west? It's sort of like a like a Johnny Cash sort of spoof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any good? Fuck yeah, it was really funny. Yeah, I liked it a lot. It was on the American Netflix while we were in Seattle. I just was, as you do, browsing through Netflix trying to find something to watch. Like, Anchorman funny sort of thing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's fucking hilarious though, man. And he's such a good actor too, like it's crazy, but he's very funny in like Tim and Eric and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bunch of other stuff. I watched that Taladega Nights. I watched that as well because it was like, you know, oh you watch this, you'll probably like this. I was like, oh okay. So I watched that too. That was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I watched, I watched all of, on the way, on the, on the flight back home, the flight back home went so fucking quick because I downloaded all of Dirty Money on Netflix, which was like seven hours. It's like, um, it's, it's, it's like a documentary series about like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, scams and scandals, like they had like the, like the Volkswagen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, emission scandal, they had like that payday, uh, a payday loan scandal. There was an episode on, on a maple syrup heist in Canada, which was really weird, but it was still interesting. And there's, there's an episode on, um, Trump just like sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about some of like the weird shady shit that he did sort of in the 90s when he sort of almost blew all his money and went bankrupt sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the lead up to him sort of like running for president and everything too. Uhm, it was, it was really good. If you want to watch something good on Netflix, fucking Dirty Money is, is excellent. I really liked it. I watched every episode back to back on the, on the flight home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, he was on, he was on much music. So much music in Canada was Canadian MTV basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It had its own, it had its own channel, like its own cable channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was, yeah, that's where I remember him from. He was on, he's on much music, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As, as I was growing up sort of thing, but he wasn't on it tons. Like, he would just appear and do like the odd interview here and there sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, it's so funny, yeah. The guy that, so the guy that did, that did Triumph, uhm, worked with Conan O'Brien on a bunch of stuff, but he did, uhm, he did a whole bunch of skits for, uh, Saturday Night Live. Like, he did, like, the ambiguously gay duo skit. Did you ever see, like, the cartoon for that? It was really funny. It was, like, from the 90s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then he did, uhm, Saturday TV Fun House as well, which was just fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a bit like, um, like Wonder Shosen. You ever see Wonder Shosen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all from the same sort of, uhm, those guys all have worked together in the past and done stuff together and they all have a very similar sense of humor and stuff and it's a little bit sort of out there but very very funny. It's, you know, it's sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tim and Eric now, but this is like back in the, you know, like in the 90s, going into the late 90s sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a whole bunch of stuff that comes through like adult swim and stuff that's a bit like that. You know, they, they sort of, they, they get stuff that isn't like your sort of mainstream story. I can't fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Louis, I don't know what the hell happened in Seattle, but I am burping like all the time. Like, since I've been home. I don't know what's happened to my innards. Like, they're just completely fucked. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I think it is. I think in a lot of ways though, especially if your comedy is more out there and harder for actual people to portray it, it's much easier obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't need it, but it just depends on the type of comedy, you know? If you're going for like a very, very sort of like visual sort of slapstick sort of thing that relies on a lot of stuff like that, it might just be easier to do it animated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think uhm, the only thing that I've seen recently


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is still not great, but sometimes, sometimes makes me laugh. Mrs. Brown's boys. No, it's not Mrs. Brown's boys. Fuck me, I can't handle that show at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that show that with Lee Mack in it, the one where he's, he's like a dad and he's got a wife and he, and it's not, it's not a great show. Okay, I'm not recommending it, but I mean, in terms of what's actually out there in, in Britain right now for comedy shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the thing is with this show too, I find that they, they try to put a joke in-


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[Assistant] Every fucking piece of dialogue, you know what I mean? Right. Like, and it becomes actually tiresome after a while. Cause it's just like, uuuh, just, you know, lead up to something that's really funny instead of just constantly sniping like every fucking sentence for like a one-liner joke or some weird retort or whatever. There are a few shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I like? You know what I find funny and I watch, uhm, like fairly often? I watch Have I Got News For You. Fuck, I love that show. It's so fucking funny, holy shit. Like it's a show that can still actually get like, like gut laughs from me like almost consistently every week. It's nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least it was something, yeaah. But yeaah, I know what you mean. Man, I've been watching the, uhm, the most recent season of, uhm, Curb Your Enthusiasm, cause I didn't even realize it came out. And holy sh- like yeaah, just consistently, I can't think of one season that's actually bad in that show. It's, it's just really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking love when- I love when he goes to, uhm, to Funkhouser's new girlfriend's house and they- and she- and she serves them tap water. He's like, is this tap water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, yeah. And then the whole thing, the whole thing goes through and everybody hates the tap water. And then, you know, when they do like the accidental on purpose text, she finds out that Marty's done one to her and she's like, do you like my water, Marty?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super Dave was pretty funny. I was telling my wife about Super Dave because, um, she, like, you guys just didn't get it over here, I don't think. But it used to be on TV for us, and it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like the production was hilarious because you know it would be, they'd shoot him out of a cannon but like so you'd see him getting into the cannon and then it would just shoot like this fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go look back like in the early 90s, late 80s and look at primetime tv, there was some fucking belters on like, like, you know, regularly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's, that, that is just the Netflix thing though, isn't it? I remember like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Occasionally on a, on a Saturday or something, you know, if I didn't feel like doing anything else, you know, my wife would take the kids somewhere or with her mom or something and they'd be like, oh, you know, we'll be back in a couple hours. So, you know, just find something to do. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll find something to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I can pick up my iPad, look on Netflix, and I literally spent the whole time they were gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Browsing Netflix, like I couldn't find a single thing that I could commit to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I find, I find on Netflix, Netflix and Prime now, uhm, they have like an ass end, for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, uhm, hey, Flax, do you, have you seen or do you know anything about The Quiet Place, the movie? No. Okay, listen, don't read up on this movie at all, and just go see it, okay? Where is it? Thank me later. At, at, at, at the cinemas, yea, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go and see it. Just like, just find the time to go and see it and go see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing! I don't wanna hear a word! We wanna trip report next week when we do The Triforce on what you thought of the movie, okay? We'll do! Sweet! Alright, well, I think that's all the time we have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For today, we have to go, uh, devise ways to, um, you know, get another 1.5 downloads in the next couple of four months. We can do it, lads. So, uh, we're going to put our heads together and we're going to figure it out. And in the meantime...


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[Assistant] Flesh suit that I wear, so I'm not actually naked.


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[Assistant] And they cannot do it. I don't understand the logic


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[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not as heartbroken as I thought I would be. If we'd gone out to Columbia, I would have been gutted. Because I feel like they were very dirty. And I feel like we did at least try to play football. Very, very proud of how we did. I think we did a lot better than people thought we would. A lot better than I thought we'd do.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and Croatia, to be honest with you, played some really nice football. When they started, like first half, we were all over them. They looked all at C. Second half, they absolutely rallied.


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[Assistant] And they did well. And this is a, this is a lesson. The Croatia players were saying, Modric said that the British press need to learn to treat their opponents with more respect because they read all the crap that people were saying about how they're tired and they're not very good and Lovren is their defender and all the rest of it and, you know, Manzini-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, but I can imagine it. And all that stuff, and they read that, and they thought, fuck these guys, we're gonna beat them. And honestly, bizarrely,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was thinking, geez, we're, you know, we actually might do this, but we scored too early. Needed to score all about 60 minutes, knocked the wind out of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And take some more of those blooming chances. We had two or three chances in the first half we should have taken, at least two. So, I mean, I'm annoyed it could have gone either way, but I think that the result was fair. Croatia played better in the second half. Think of all the chances they had. They had loads of chances.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and, uh, I mean, the thing is, I also, as I was watching us struggle in the second half an extra time, I was thinking, Jesus Christ, France would absolutely tear us apart. So, I'm kind of glad we went out to, uh, to Croatia, because I've got a lot of respect for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would rather go out in extra time to a team like Croatia than to lose in the final like 4-0 to France, which I think it probably would have been pretty desperate. The lads were looking pretty scared at the end there. Carl Walker.


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[Assistant] I mean, the second goal was just a bad trip, he had tried to foul the guy instead of going up for the header because he's a little guy, needed to win that header, and I just think all in all, Harry Kane kind of disappeared, Lingard kind of disappeared, it was just too much for them, they just weren't quite up to the task, it wasn't like we bottled it, they're just not quite good enough. But maybe in a few years we will be, who knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uhm, and then we've got Qatar, which will be a complete disaster. Four years, yeah, Qatar, yeah. I mean, even if we keep this team together, they're gonna be playing on the surface of the sun, so normally England can fall back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And blame the fact that all the conditions were tough, you know. And that's kind of what we've done whenever we've had to play somewhere that isn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it was raining and cold, England would be favourites. Guaranteed. Our lads don't give a hit, but it never is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's always on an even numbered year, but uhm. 2010? 2008? It might have been 2008? It was the 98 World Cup was in France. 2002? God. Shall I look it up for us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During the 2002 World Cup, and that's the heart of the South Korean population in Europe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you go to New Mold and High Street, which is not far from Kingston upon Thames, you'll just see Korean restaurants and Korean travel agents and Korean supermarkets and a ridiculous number of Korean people. Like it's literally like a sort of mini Seoul. But anyway, that was a decent World Cup. Then it was 2006, it was in Germany.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, and then it was South Africa in 2010, Brazil was 2014, and obviously it was Russia this year, but it hasn't been us since 1966. I do think we're due a hosting, but the issue now is that they're expanding the World Cup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there is that, but I think their plan is to make sure that if you're in group whatever, you're in this part of the country, you don't have to travel fucking miles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see what's there! I'm kind of disappointed it's in the US again because it was there in 1994. Oh, was it? Yeah, it was. So I know they're trying to, you know, obviously it's good for the game in, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you've got Cuba, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, you know, Venezuela. These are countries that produce baseball players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. Alright, so we'll cut in here for my answer. Good question, Lewis!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Luckily I have an answer. So if you think about Real Madrid or Man U or Chelsea or Barcelona or whoever you want to think of, they obviously, if they need a left back, they don't need to restrict themselves to just left backs from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wherever. They can go and get one. They can say, who's the best left back in the world? And they can go and get it. So obviously we can't do that, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None of them are treating it like one more game, because it's a knockout tournament. Like, if you're in the group stage, you can't afford to lose a game, really. You have to at least draw and preferably win all your games. So everybody goes for it. In league football, I mean, you're all playing away from home, essentially, apart from the host nation. So it's not like the old away team, home team that you get in league football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, there is definitely, there are definitely differences. I think that the World Cup, if you look at the standard,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yes, teams can indeed go out and buy whoever they want, but if you're a country that produces a lot of really good players like France, the team that France put out, I don't think any team, any club side in the world could actually afford that team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you've got to think of it that way. Like if you look at the Brazil team, when they were amazing, if you look at the France team right now, and they are very strong, that isn't, that's the team's value on the open market is insane. Absolutely insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paul Pogba alone is worth over 100 million euros, and he's just one of their guys. And then they've got Kylian Mbappe who's worth a fortune, they've got Griezmann who's worth a fortune, and their defenders are all worth a fortune, their goalie is worth, like it's just, it's mad how expensive that team is. So, if you're a country that produces a shitload of amazing players,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the Croatia team is worth a fortune. But they're honestly half their team plays for top clubs, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think it is, it's one of those things where obviously if you're stuck with, like England, sometimes you have to shoehorn players in or you, you know, we would if we could go out and buy a midfielder like, uh, like, like Modric or something like that, but we can't. So we're kind of stuck with what we've got, but you've then got the motivator of you're playing for England. So everybody goes out and gives it their best.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know why, I saw the trailer for it and I thought it's like a heist caper movie. It's a little bit Ocean's Eleven, uhm, but set in the deep south. That would have been my elevator pitch. It's like imagine Ocean's Eleven but with a bunch of sort of hicks basically and sort of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's set around NASCAR instead of a casino stuff. So it's basically Ocean's Eleven with Hillbillies. Did you like it? Not really. And I'll tell you why. It's got a big cast with a lot of actors in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the, the problem is it kind of wants to be funny, but it's not funny. And for some reason, they've got all these actors and none of them are actually from the place that they're trying to do the accent for. So their accents are all stupidly bad. Like Daniel Craig's southern accent is not terrible, but he's English. So why have they got Daniel Craig into play as a guy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Excuse me, sir. The Martian was a film with pretty much just Matt Damon in. Interstellar had Matt Damon. He was the scientist whose world they went to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he does, he's playing a British actor, he's got a British accent for some reason, and I just don't understand why it was terrible. He's like, you guys have got to go and be like, what is this? This isn't an English accent, this is shocking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's like, what, what is that? Why do they have to cut the ends off every single word? A cup of tea. It's cup of tea, you cunts! Yeah. And there was an Englishman in the bloody movie, get him to do it! And he can play the other lad. And then you had Adam Driver, you know, Kylo Ren, quite like him, good actor, playing a guy with one arm. And then you had Channing Tatum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it wasn't, it wasn't funny. It wasn't really very exciting. It was, oh god, it was overly long. And yeaah, I just, I just didn't really get it. Had this really long scene where this...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His daughter sings at a beauty pageant. She sings, uh, Take Me, uh, Country Roads, uh, by John Denver. And uhm, which, which by the way is a song that every fucker's using now. It's in the new Fallout trailer. It's everywhere. I remember a few years ago, I came down to Bristol for the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. But nobody, like, nobody in the room seemed to know it, it was like a mystery, and I thought, god, I've really chosen the wrong song here, it's kind of, no one knows what this is, but now every fucking person knows it, and it's like, there's like a five minute scene in this movie where his daughter sings it, and it's just like, what is this for? This is stupid. It was boring, boring crap movie, don't recommend it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, some people had problems with it. I don't know what. Uhm, but I really thought it was really good. He was good. The action was good. The support and cast was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it covered a side of the Star Wars universe that hasn't been covered before. It felt kind of gritty and, um, you know, you're rooting for him. The way he meets Chewie is good and the, you know, Lando's good and it's really good. I've really enjoyed it. I recommend it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've actually put 74 hours into Battlebrothers. So yeaah.


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[Assistant] But it is, it is insanely hard, it's a real grind, but there are so few games, like this is what I don't understand about all these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you look at Steam, you look, it's so many platformers, which are just like pixel art platformers, like well there's a billion of those. There's a billion anime choose your own adventure books as far as I can tell, which I still get recommended, but apparently soon you'll be able to tag them off and say don't show me anything with the word fucking anime in it please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. You're a farmer. Someone was telling me that when I was streaming last night, we've actually been talking about you quite a bit. Why? Why? Because all I get fucking asked is, hey, where's Sips? Or do you know when Sips is streaming? Or did anyone watch Sips today? And I actually said, can you shut the fuck up about Sips? Sips is great!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was playing Rainbow Six Siege, uhm, which, another game that was wrecked, because I play a lot of Counter Strike. Cool. So people are like, you should play Rainbow Six Siege. It's very funny, very intense game.


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[Assistant] It's incredibly hard. It's incredibly hard. Because when you get shot, it's not like that you can't straight fight anybody. If they shoot you first, you're dead.


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[Assistant] It really, yeah, it really has. I also think a lot of game design now is a lot smarter and cleverer than it used to be, because a lot of games for a very long time, and older people remember this, Avalon Hill made a shitload of strategy board games, and I don't know if they still do, I guess they probably still do, but they were just hexes, units, and a fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is something you can easily replicate on a computer and it's flashier and it does a lot of the maths for you and stuff like that. But if you think about something like, do you remember Lewis when we played that Battlestar Galactica game?


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[Assistant] That would only exist, it is a great game, but that would only exist as a social game. Because it's almost got elements of mafia in it. And I think those things really rely so much on improved by all sitting around a table as opposed to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ...playing online, even on Discord. So I think a lot of game designers have realised that if they're gonna continue making board games, and I hope they do...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making them social, making them fun, making them a game you can play with a beer and stuff like that is good. Rather than just saying this is just a tactical grind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are hardly any games like Battle Brothers out there. There really are. Tactical, turn-based.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, it's taken it to the whole new level. But Battle Brothers was a different experience. It was hex-based, it was, it was much slower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my point is, I want a modern day shooter. No one's made a sequel to Jagged Alliance 2. Why? Some asshole sequels came out that were just dreadful. But I just want a game with mercenaries killing other mercenaries, modern day weaponry, you grind it, you get your gear, you know, you build bases. That kind of shit, that's what I want. That's what I want. I can't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, do you remember it was horror games for a while, it was just all fucking horror games, and then, now it's just, it seems to be all battle royale games and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was nuts, it was, it was absolutely nuts. Uhm, and I did like a narration for it, it wasn't just a playthrough, it was like a story and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I don't know how I had the fucking energy to put a YouTube thing like that together. I would never bother doing that now. It was crazy hard work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's great. I just, people are always saying we'll play Rimworld, but it's like, it's such a grind and an effort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is, in terms of emerging stories, like you were saying Lewis, it's the best, I actually think it's the best, because so much can happen. It really reminds me of Dwarf Fortress, because if you read a lot of the, like it's better to read about people's playthroughs of Dwarf Fortress, because they add flavour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to, it's like, it's like coding. If you take a break and then come back, you forget all the commands and all what you're looking for and everything that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But those are the mechanics rather than just the interface, right? It's like, yeaah. The interface itself for Dwarf Fortress was so dense. And like you said, eventually you need to transcend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The numbers and just see it for what it is and at that point the game has you and you're probably gonna be there for about three years just Dwarf Fortress-ing it because you don't wanna lose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That feeling. But then your dwarf fortress gets destroyed by a flood or rogue lava or a dragon or you unlock the wrong cave and all these god awful demons come out with something. And some of the stories like we were saying on something awful when people used to post


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their, sort of, after action reports about a dead wolf fortress game was unbelievable. It was like, this is incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in classic goon style, they made out like they were just playing it for fun and hop on and try it out. But if you did and you were a noob, they hated you. And they treated you like shit and they screamed at you. Like if you're playing games with goons, you have to be ready to hate the pubbies and then do everything that you hate the pubbies for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, they tease you in with their stories of all the awesome stuff they've done. Like I played Mountain Blade with the Goons for a while when it was like competitive, right? And you would have your faction and their faction, you'd meet in a field and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were, the guys that ran it were just merciless. Like they were so horrible to be around. Screaming at people, swearing at us. What is going on? Can you guys chill out? Like it's a fucking video game, guys. Like from the threads you post, you're like, haha, we had so much fun the other night! I'm like, who? I didn't!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And whenever we had any mixings with guys that were like abnormal nerd level like weirdos, we'd always find out they'd left to go join Goofly because they wanted to be more serious. And they were elevated to these extreme positions of power. And it's like, how is that guy in charge? He was a complete asshole. He was so unpleasant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have, they have the State of the Union address that they give, where everybody has to get in to TeamSpeak or Ventrilo, and listen to the court leaders tell them the state of things and what's happening. There was spies, so then they, if you were spies you had to have an old account on SA, and that was how you could apply, you had to have an account that was older than a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then after a while they said, now it's gonna be four years. Now it's gonna be like a thousand years. Because they were so terrified of spies, because people would get into the corp and spy for other corporations. And look, it was incredible. The emergent gameplay was unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the day to day grind was unfucking believable. Just moving around, sitting for hours, waiting for a fight to start, and then the fight starts and you spend hours because it's a slideshow. It was, it was un- I cannot believe how much time I put into Eve. It was ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, God, you play that a lot. These are- these are all game- there are so many games you play that I'm just looking at them, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just get stressed, I get really stressed because I'm just like, this is not fun, I'm just living on the edge, I hate that, I'm done. Like I'm literally done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, you know another game I was surprised, uhm, to talk about that sort of, you know, genres if you like, Slay the Spire, have you guys played Slay the Spire? Yeah, yeah, yeah, played it, yeah, huge fan. That sold over a million copies that game. Wow. Which surprised me, like that, that's incredible, uhm, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I played it, you know, for, I don't know, we put a decent number of hours until I finished it a bunch of times and I played the Daily Challenges and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are, there are lots of card games out there, like deck-building kind of card games. Yeah. Most of them are cack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'm just looking at something like Slay the Spire. It's actually quite a simple game. The deck building is nice, you know. The mechanics are very simple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just think, you know, there must be a lot of games companies out there that just have no fucking idea what they're doing. Cause there's so many games like Slay the Spire, you look at them and you just think, this looks awful. I just don't understand. Like with Battle Brothers, I'm thinking, there must be people out there making games like this, but they're just not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Succeeding. I mean, what do you think it is? Do you think they start and they just run out of money, or they start and they think, ah, actually I can't be bothered, or their basic game design is bad? Like what you were saying about Fortnite-like games, maybe they're just trying to make a game like that, but they don't really give a shit and they don't have any good ideas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must be, it's a real art. I mean, when you play a game that's really, really, really good, even quite a simple one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but this, this is, this is bad dadding of like colossal proportions. Well, okay. Um, well, it's actually, it's not that bad, but at the time in the words of Morrissey, uh, I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was terrible. So it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I do that all the time. I'm settled into the fact that in terms of being a role model, they better find someone else. You know what I mean? Like, their mother is a far better role model than I am. Like, in no way would I ever say to my kids, when you grow up, I want you to be just like me. Like, I would never say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a lot of respect for my mum, for sure, for, for, uh, you know, single parent family and everything like that. Like a lot of respect. Uhm, and I know how tough that would have been. That's gotta be tough. I mean, you turned out terrible as a result. Awful. But see, that's, you know, it's shocking. Yeah, I know, we know what you mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was picking up my youngest daughter from, uh, after school club. And I picked her up on my bicycle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I gave her what is known as a cruggy. And some people don't know this term. It is a lift on a bicycle. Like, say you give another person a lift on your bicycle. Generally on the crossbar, or the handlebars, or on the rear of the bike. But a cruggy, I think it's like a northern term, involves giving someone a lift on the bicycle. I mean, this seems already madness. If she'd fallen off, that would have been good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, what actually happened was as we started off, she's on the crossbar. We've done this before. I've done this with both my kids. It's never been a problem. I thought this is a little risky, but you know, dads are meant to kind of take a few chances. You fell off. No, she cycled off on her own. That would have been awesome as well, but no. So I got her on the bike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's fine, she's holding on, everything's good. I go to start the bike, so I put my foot on the pedal. I barely get a quarter turn before she starts screaming and the bike goes forward. Like pitch is completely, you know, the back wheel comes completely up. Her foot had gone into the spokes and was now trapped in the forks of the bike. So her foot was holding the whole bicycle. So it went over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Came down very hard on my knee and my wrist, but I caught her. She's screaming because her little foot is trapped in the fork of the bicycle wheel.


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[Assistant] I am immediately overcome with waves of unbelievable guilt and horror.


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[Assistant] So we take my youngest there, she's still in a lot of pain, have a look at her foot, it's quite badly bruised and it's got a cut on it. So she was very upset. We get there, I tell the receptionist after waiting 10 minutes to see the receptionist, I wait to see the receptionist and she says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's happened? I described the situation. She says, okay, take a seat. And I thought, geez, I thought they'd be like, quick, get the, get the crash cart and everything, get ready. This child may have broken her foot. Cause all these other people sitting there with fucking runny noses and shit like that. And I thought, geez, come on. She's six. She might've broken her foot. Let's see somebody. So I see a nurse after about 45 minutes has a casual look and says, we'll get an x-ray. I was like, okay, so we go and sit down.


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[Assistant] We wait 20 minutes for the x-ray, we get the x-ray, and then we come back and we wait another 2 hours before I go up to the reception and I say, is anyone gonna see her? It's 8 o'clock at night at this point.


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[Assistant] She's only six. My wife has come home from work taking my eldest back with her. So it's like eight o'clock. I said, look, she hasn't had any dinner yet. She's only six. It's eight. She's exhausted. What's going to happen? They said, well, there's 11 people in front of you. So you'll probably be here another two to three hours.


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[Assistant] I said, so you think she'll be here till 11 o'clock at night? And the thing is, A&E departments at night time, even on a Monday.


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[Assistant] Are pretty scary places for a six year old. There are crazy people coming in. There are drunk people coming in. There are people who are obviously drug addicts coming in. A guy came in escorted by two police officers. He was in handcuffs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he was obviously taken from a jail cell, straight here to be looked at. He was shouting stuff and saying, any good looking birds around here? Like that. So he, she was terrified of this guy. So I was like, I'm fucking taking her home. This is ridiculous. We'll come back tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Took her back in tomorrow. There's like three people in the waiting room. It's like perfect. We'll be seen in no time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three hours more go by, just sitting there. She's bored out of her mind. She's worried her foot is broken. She's terrified. I was like, it's alright love, don't worry. And at this point she's just getting angry. She's like, maybe. Eventually she just gets to this point where she's just furious. She's like, why aren't they seeing me? This is ridiculous! I was like, I know love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, what took a total of six hours for that information? I said, you could have popped your head around and just said, Mr. Forsythe, you're fine to go, your kid's foot's not broken. I would have said, no problem, we're left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, well a nurse had to look at the x-ray. I was like, six hours it's taken for this. Six hours! This is ridiculous! And we stormed out and my daughter was as angry as I was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, she kind of put some of the anger she should have against me onto the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hospital, which was a little unfair, I guess, because they're probably understaffed. Honestly, Monday night and Tuesday night I could barely sleep, I felt so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the issue with that. Regardless of, oh, I'm annoyed because I had to wait six hours. Regardless of that, if I turned up and said, and let's say I turned up with my daughter, this is going back to when I was about eight years old.


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[Assistant] Uh, just a bit less than that. I had appendicitis. My appendix was very close to bursting when we got to the hospital. And they had to operate right away. And if it had gone on a bit longer, my appendix would have burst, who knows what would have happened. It's a hundred years ago, I wouldn't be here anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But let's say I turned up with my daughter and my mom was a nurse so she knew what had happened. Like she said it must be his appendix because he's like howling in pain when I poke him in the stomach. She figured it out straight away. Let's say I turned up with my daughter and I turned up and said she's got a stomach ache. The receptionist would say, okay, we'll get someone to see you, have a seat. There's no triage there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my triage in telling the receptionist what I think it is. She's got a tummy ache. Which is the only information I would have to go on. She's not seeing a nurse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to wait 45 minutes for my daughter to see a nurse to look at her foot and decide if she needed an x-ray. In 45 minutes, my appendix would have burst. So my point is, your first point of call has to be a nurse. Has to be! Because they are the ones who can effectively say,


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[Assistant] This is bad, this isn't so bad, this guy can wait till doomsday, he's fine. Yeah, I think again, they weigh it up.


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[Assistant] Who knows? What, I mean, you can't look at someone and know how sick they are.


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[Assistant] Because I'm looking around the accident and emergency room when we're waiting there.


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[Assistant] In all NHS hospitals, which is at a crisis point, there's no way it should take six hours for this. None.


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[Assistant] Right, but that's the thing, it's obvious. At even a casual glance.


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[Assistant] I mean, SIFS makes a great point. I had a terrible experience, therefore the entire system must be fucked.


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[Assistant] I would have paid. That's another problem I've got. Is that I would happily pay 250 quid to have not waited 6 hours. I would have done it.


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[Assistant] Anyway, that's what the first question I asked is, can I please not have to take her to a NHS hospital? Because yes, it's free and there were a lot of poor people there. You could just tell straight away, this is their only shot at any kind of healthcare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they can walk in and get it for free. Amazing, right? That's why we don't have people walking around.


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[Assistant] Like we do in a lot of countries in the world, just looking like their body is falling apart and no one is helping them. Fantastic. I love the idea of the NHS. I don't need to wait six hours, and I will pay.


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[Assistant] Which would screw over a whole bunch of people. I would personally love it, but the idea of it, the morality of it is always, I get that.


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[Assistant] But the thing is, I would go to a private A&E. I would do that. Because I don't want to wait six hours.


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[Assistant] I also think you need a penalty system for people that turn up with shit that their fucking GP can deal with.


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[Assistant] But I'm fully supportive of people taking babies. I called the ambulance. My daughter was having febrile convulsions when she was a few months old. That's when they get a fever so bad that their body literally, they have convulsions. She went, she was, it was horrible. It was absolutely terrifying. I'd forgotten about it.


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[Assistant] Cause my mind had decided, this is such a fucking horrible memory, I'm gonna block it out. And Mrs. F reminded me about it when I said,


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[Assistant] You know, my eldest has been to hospital three times. Once with the febrile convulsions. Once when she was at playgroup and she fell over and split her chin open to the meat.


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[Assistant] Yeah, she literally is fucking UFC at this point. But my, my youngness is just like, you know, she's, she's pretty cool, she's sturdy, she doesn't take risks. This was my stupid risk!


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[Assistant] She did have a cold, she used to get colds, but now, now they, they haven't been sick in ages really. I mean the kids at this age get sick, they have a fever for a day, they're fine the next day. Like that's pretty much it. They're not well.


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[Assistant] Yeah, look, yeah, they're pretty bouncy, so yeah. But, but uhm, I mean, that sips, that's different.


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[Assistant] I mean, panicking about your baby, I completely fucking get that dude. Like a hundred percent. If you're not sure, take them to- I don't know shit about babies. They can't tell you anything. They give you no feedback and they react in very different ways. As you get older, your body understands how to deal with this shit. When you're younger, your body's just like, we don't know what's happening so we're just gonna freak out and shut down and vibrate and stuff. It's like, holy god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This kid had a cut on his elbow. A cut on his elbow! He's just holding a tissue against a cut on his elbow. Another kid comes in, obviously a sprained ankle. That's not A&E! That's not A&E! I'm sorry, your kid has a runny nose! That's not A&E!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, now the solution seems to be that little table with the wires and you have to move the shapes along the wires. Have you seen this?


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[Assistant] It was bad. It was, it was bad because I didn't know how long I was waiting. That's what annoys me. If they said to me, it's going to be a three hour wait, I would have been like, oof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the thing is, here's the better system. They take your phone number. Everyone's got a phone these days. You don't have to sit in a fucking waiting room. They call you. Five minutes till your appointment, can you come back? Yeah, no problem. If you're not back in five minutes, we're giving the appointment to someone else. I'm on my way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's obviously just been working out. He stinks. Looks like he's come straight from the gym. He sits down and I think nothing of it. I think maybe he's overextended one of his, uh, trimester pack muscles and you know, he's pulled it. Right, pulled it there when I was lifting 500 kilos, mate. Yeah. Got to see a doctor about it. Something like that. Sits down. I think he's a normal bloke. He suddenly out of nowhere turns to me and says,


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[Assistant] Can you believe that? And I was like, huh? And I'm thinking, what? And he says, did you hear that? He goes, kids eat metal sometimes. They don't know why. They just eat metal. They end up with a stomach full of metal. And then he turns away and he goes, yeah, it's like a compulsion. So they do it in their sleep. They walk around in their sleep eating metal. And my daughter looks at me like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let me tell you why I think I deserve to get through quicker. I was clearly suffering more in that waiting room than everybody else. I was visibly disturbed by everything I saw. Everybody else just seemed to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Staring into space, and they weren't looking at their clogs, they weren't looking at their phones, they weren't checking with reception that they were next, nothing. There's this guy next to me. He's got a little girl, she must have been about three. And to entertain her, he gave her his phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every parent in there is giving their phone to the kid. Here, play this, watch this, whatever. All the other parents are saying, turn it down, love. Like I'm saying, turn it down. There's other people in this waiting room, they don't want to hear what you're watching. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy lets his kid watch his phone at maximum fucking volume. And she is, because she's like two and a half, three years old, she's watching the same fucking video over and over and over again.


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[Assistant] It's a kid. It's literally little kids just pressing go again. Yep. Let's see that again. One more fucking time. I know people will think I'm exaggerating, but I am not. For one hour.


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[Assistant] Like, he's sick to death of being here, just wants his kid to be happy.


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[Assistant] Doesn't know, maybe he doesn't know what's wrong with her. Like I'm trying to empathize with this guy as much as I can and think he just, she's happy, so he's like, whatever it takes to keep her happy, no problem. But another part of me wants to grab him by the fucking throat and say, can you see the 40 other people in here that are sick of knowing that the wheels on the bus go around and around


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[Assistant] No, he, he, I mean, I would have had to say, I was, I was trying to phrase, I thought, how can I phrase this that gets across the fact that I've had enough, but at the same time, I'm cool. So I don't want to say like, turn that shit down, which is what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His daughter's watching the vote, he keeps getting interrupted because he keeps getting phone calls, presumably from his wife. Oh shit. Saying, please God tell me that, uh, everything's okay. And he just goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll let you know, I'll let you know, we're still waiting, we're still waiting. And she's like, DADDY!


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[Assistant] Right, so here's another thing. He was one of these people. Everyone watching this or listening to this will know. You've seen people like this. I pray to God none of you, none of our beloved listeners at home are these people. Turn the fucking keystroke noises off on your fucking phone. I do not want to hear it.


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[Assistant] I would then think maybe I'm wrong, because this guy's acting like an asshole, this guy's acting like an asshole, maybe I'm the asshole for not acting like an asshole. Maybe this is normal now. I think that would be better! No it wouldn't!


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[Assistant] I don't want to be there for 20 hours because my kids, I busted my kids foot and then I got in a fight and a guy broke my nose. Like I don't want to spend that time. Like can you imagine you go to the reception, take a seat, you go straight back up? Yeaah, there's another one here, it's me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, but I like that show. I like that show because he is the guy who would say, can you turn that off please? And they would, and you know, they would say, no, I like it. He's like, it's very annoying for the other people, but he does it in a way, in a very Lewis-y way that makes you also hate him. That's why he does it in a way that you don't want to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was sick, she was sick a little bit last night. Kids are funny. They're a bit like dogs in a way, in that they'll just randomly vomit for no discernible reason. Yeah. So she's singing The Greatest Showman. She loves The Greatest Showman. She's singing a song for The Greatest Showman and she just goes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the pussy. I came to heaven for the pussy. I've been a shag my whole life. You knew this. I just can't help it. You knew this.


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[Assistant] No, no, they, they, um, they've evolved past fun now. It's like ultra competitive, serious. It's a, it's like a good, a good gauge for whether or not your, your kid is like, uh, like physically active. Exactly. That's right. It's like, uh, it's like a testing ground now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never before witnessed 20 kids not get a, a basket in basketball. That's, that's what sports day is like. It's watching 20 kids not be able to do any sports, but it is, it is really adorable. It's really cute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another thing they do when they're really young is they, uhm, all of the, all of like the, uhm, the events, if you like, are team-based, so it's not down to like one kid to do really well. Right. They do it as a team, so they're, so, so they have, they get into the mentality that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just get everybody into the actual Olympic sports for their sports day. So if you go to China and you go to a 5 year old sports day,


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[Assistant] That's become a big thing, uh, on that topic. You know, people wearing like full outfits, you know, like the, like the really, like the biker shorts and like the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look at them, you think, oh, they must be training for an event or something. But no, they're just going to like sit in a bank, do data inputting all day.


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[Assistant] I think it shows like an alarming lack of prioritization.


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[Assistant] Well, I agree in most cases, but there are, there are like the, the fringe few who probably shouldn't be wearing


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[Assistant] I mean, if there was a medal for smoking cigarettes on a picnic bench.


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[Assistant] You know what's gonna happen though now, Flax? That woman that you've crossed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, while you were gone, yeah. What a guy. With two T's as well. What a guy. Listen, Flax, I got a lot of respect for you, man, because I was in, uhm, London yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to take the, uhm, I had to take the tube back to, I flew out of London city. Right. I was out at, like, your end, like, well, kinda close. It was like Gunnersbury, so it's like, sort of like west.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] West of London. And it took like an hour and a half for me to take trains and tube.


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[Assistant] From London City Airport out there. And at 5 o'clock when I was heading back to the airport, cause I flew back last night.


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[Assistant] It works, but holy fuck, it doesn't feel efficient at all, and you just think, Jesus Christ, like if I lived here, I would read so many books and listen to so many podcasts and stuff because there's just so much fucking dead time.


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[Assistant] There's like 50 fucking gigantic apartment buildings being built in Canary Wharf. It's like, it's almost like, like a, like a, like a separate London within London sort of thing. It's just massive, massive. You should see there's fucking cranes everywhere. It's crazy. It is crazy. It's nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but parts of North America where, you know, a lot of like the bigger buildings were built in like the sixties and stuff, they just rip them down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you're the landlord of a pub though and you get to live in the flat above the pub? That's probably best, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so too. I'd have a lot more respect for you as a person and as a work colleague as well if you got like a really snazzy penthouse somewhere in Bristol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I, I, I can now see why so many dads out there watch it. I don't know what it is, but like, I just, I've been following it, I've been loving following it, I've been in, like, I've been in like a sweepstakes pool, like two of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I can, I can figure out which players I want to trade and transfer and, and do this fantasy pool and I can follow it and it's going to be, I'm really looking forward to it. I have the time to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Canada's a little bit like that, but it's not as a whole like that. You know, it's, it's a commonwealth country, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's heavily, heavily American influenced. But there's certain parts of Canada that you go to where there's definitely British people and therefore British culture there as well. Like parts of Vancouver, like Victoria, like Vancouver Island, there's parts of Vancouver Island that


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[Assistant] Well, there's, you can go to Whistler, you can go, you can check out Whistler, cause it's kinda, kinda close, it's like a ski mountain resort. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you got, you have to see it, it's fucking incredible.


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[Assistant] I-I can't think of any, like, big standout things that you have to do, like, in Vancouver. There's not, like, uh, Oh my god, you have to go see the great tower of Pensacola or something, like, there's nothing really like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if you want, like, you'll be able to see, like, the mountains and stuff from Vancouver anyway, which is fucking incredible.


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[Assistant] Oh man, I was gonna say like, well, if you're ever that, that corner of the world for any other reason, you have time. Right. Uh, BAMF is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've said this like a million times, I'm sure, but I always remember being a kid and, uh, my grandparents were out in Vancouver, well, Victoria, like, you know, Vancouver Island. And I grew up on the east coast of Canada, in Ottawa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in the summer, like when I was a little bit older, I'd fly out to visit with them for like two, three weeks sort of thing over like, like school summer vacation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was awesome, I used to love doing it. But I remember, I remember one year,


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[Assistant] Uhm, I was getting ready to go and I had like some, some money, like some spending money for while I was there and stuff. And I just sort of like, I had to do a stop and I, I said to my mom like, oh fuck, I need to convert my money, right? She's like, no.


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[Assistant] Just straight up 5 hour flight, like flying over the same country the entire time. It's fucking, it's insane, it's so big.


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[Assistant] No, no, it's really big, like there's, a lot of people think it's long and thin, but all of that territory up north, like there are people that live, it's very sparse, but it is uhm, there's like a lot of like Inuit and like Eskimo tribes and stuff that live like far far north in the


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[Assistant] I need to read up on Australia. It's one of these places that I know nothing about. Like absolutely nothing. I wouldn't even be able to point out where major cities are on a map of Australia. It's like Chile.


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[Assistant] I agree. Yeah, I've been to Berlin Zoo, I went a long time ago, I don't know if it's changed a lot, and I remember it sticking out as being pretty great.


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[Assistant] Really nice, I'd say probably 4 out of 5, uhm, as it goes for Zeus.


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[Assistant] The only, uh, criticism I have of Bristol Zoo is there's this gigantic, gigantic area with


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[Assistant] Sitting around in my underpants playing video games all day. In your active way. Definitely recommend. Yeah. Anyone, anyone who has friends that can bring them up through that, that would be great. Do it. Fantastic. Go for it. P-Flex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do little poops that look like chocolate balls though. They do, don't eat them. So if you get Maltesers for Easter, that's probably the closest.


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[Assistant] I don't know man, I think Malteser eggs, like, if you've been to any of the shops recently to get Easter eggs for your loved ones or whatever, maybe for your personal trainer, you'll probably notice that Malteser is like a pretty fucking heavy hitter, like, everywhere you go. Like, they're good, good eggs too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they should do away with the eggs and just give you a box filled with Maltesers only and call it rabbit poops.


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[Assistant] Yeah, with like five Maltesers in it. It's not even like a heaving bag of Maltesers. No, it's like a really, really disappointing crappy bag with like five Maltesers in it. At best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people would open that bag and it would be gone. It would just disappear. Like all of them. And then maybe they'd open another bag and do it again, a two for one deal or something. I think what you've done there shows that you've got some good willpower. Like, I don't think a lot of people would be able- Good restraint. Yea, they wouldn't be able to restrain themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna get the music, it's gonna be like, ba ba ba ba. Can you hear this? Galaxy. Everybody's favorite chocolate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, well, it's- I don't know if we just, if we just carry on. You have dropped a bombshell, flax, like, they've gotta, they gotta regroup and fuckin' figure out a strategy to deal with you. Is that- we got a code red. Somebody's actually phoned us, uh, what do we do? Everybody's supposed to be quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jimmy can sort it out. Jimmy the Fixer. Jimmy's on video.


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[Assistant] I don't think I've ever run any helplines in my life actually. The thing is Flax, you know that by doing this you're gonna get like a couple of free bags of minstrels. You're gonna have to give him your address and stuff.


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[Assistant] If I'm feeling like a bit desperate and uninspired, I'll grab a Snickers bar every time. I really like them. Okay. Okay. But if I'm feeling like a bit spicy, you know, I wanna, I wanna like branch out a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, sometimes I might get a Twix, you know, other times. I wouldn't just get a Mars bar, like I'll eat a Mars bar quite happily if somebody gets me like a Mars bar egg or like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, whatever that fucking shit is in the middle, I'm not even sure. Like, I guess? I don't know. Like, I've never looked at the ingredients. It's nice. Whatever it is, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure that a chimpanzee would have a pleasurable wank though. I was under the understanding that only humans and dolphins, uhm, will have sex recreationally or just for pleasure. Does that mean that a dolphin- What about monkeys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gotta wank again before I get a banana. They're like, uh, they're primitive, right? So like, a lot of, a lot of like, um, a lot of animals, they have like a sex drive and stuff, but it only happens around like a certain time, like a mating season, and then they just stick it in and blam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do it and then the babies are made, but like they don't just sit around like, you know, all day, you know, watching anime and then, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think generally they just sort of mulch around and eat bugs off each other's backs and eat grass and fucking sleep. That's about it. Like I've never seen a gorilla or anything. I've seen, like we have a zoo here. We like take our kids all the time because we have like a seasonal pass for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And every time we see the monkeys, they are not masturbating at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think they do because in the zoo there is none. Like, you can see them inside and you can see them outside. So no matter where they are, I would catch them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and then in the middle of the store, there was like this big round thing and you, you, there was like a, it was like a, like a coin slot. You put the coin in and it would unlock the door and you'd go in the door and you were just in this little room that you stood up in with a window and in the middle there was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Moana. Yeah, I watched Moana a couple times. Yeah. No, I feel like those places are so outdated now with the internet and like with anime and stuff. Like you could just sit in a hotel room and just like, you know, masturbate yourself into oblivion if you wanted to and you're not out in public.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's 2017 now, we're becoming a lot more liberal with our sexuality and stuff. People are exploring a lot more. People are getting arrested for fucking bicycles and pavements and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, maybe you should go and replace him. You could take his job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but that's how these people work though. They have like a, like a strategy for dealing with people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and one of those things that probably like in their rule book or whatever is if somebody comes off even slightly annoyed, it's probably just like written down like if the customer is coming through from option one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, say that you need to put them on hold for five minutes so they can cool down a little bit and maybe like rethink why they're actually phoning and stuff. Cause like sometimes, I bet you a lot of cases they come back and the person's hung up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they just are so furious they don't want to be on hold for five minutes or whatever. I think it's a way of disarming you.


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[Assistant] Moana, do you think? Uhm, let me count, uhm. Today? I need more, yeaah, let me count, I need more hands, uhm.


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[Assistant] I mean it's 11.39 in the morning today. It's been on, it's been on in my house since about 6 o'clock this morning, like non-stop, like they've watched it back to back to back to back. It's just on in the background. They're not even just sitting there watching it half the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll be off doing stuff and then when one of the songs start they sort of rush back, dance around a little bit and stuff and say this is my favorite one, try to sing along a bit and then just go back to whatever it was they were doing, putting their fingers in socks and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just this one. For us? No, we used to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we got Netflix and stuff too. Like, like my son will watch like Paw Patrol or like SpongeBob or something like that. And they've got seasons and seasons of it. So, you know, that'll just be on like all day, but it'll be different episodes and stuff. So it's not too bad, but it is still the same thing. And you have to listen to the theme music every time. And like, you know, you get to the part in the show where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's do it, team! And then the music starts again and stuff. And it's a bit repetitive. But no, I guess in terms of movies, like for my family, I think Moana's been the first one where it's just been like back to back to back to back.


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[Assistant] They're too young to have gotten into Frozen. Frozen came out before they were born.


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[Assistant] Uhm, like a strong like male character in it and stuff and he seems to really like it and he doesn't seem too embarrassed by liking it sort of thing, so uhm. That's nice. My door is locked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, like, it's different for me because my kids aren't old enough to just be sort of left to it in a lot of ways. I still have to like sit in the room with them a lot and watch them and make sure they're not clubbing each other and whatever. So I end up having to sit through a lot of this stuff. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, I think Moana is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A pretty good movie for a Disney movie. It's, it's totally manageable. It's not like super obnoxious or annoying or anything like, you know, the songs are like pretty nice. It's got a pretty nice story and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like technically, I think like the graphics or like whatever the CGI or whatever it is that they use for those movies is really good. Like it's, it's amazing.


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[Assistant] But uhm, yeaah, I mean I've seen it like a fucking billion times, so I don't know. You know. I don't know. Kill me.


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[Assistant] No, I think they would do it with the Dreamworks movie though, cause they're like the, like the, like the fucking, the shitty versions of Disney movies.


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[Assistant] Probably something really boring like, um, the Aristocats or something.


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[Assistant] I tell you what animated Disney movie I really did like was Robin Hood. Remember that one? Had like all the cool whistling songs and stuff. That one was alright. I remember liking it as a kid, so.


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[Assistant] I still have like some nostalgia about them, I guess, but...


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[Assistant] I think the original Cars, Cars wasn't as bad as like Planes and Cars 2 and Cars 3 and


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[Assistant] The Toy Story movies were okay. They were pretty good.


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[Assistant] I mean, I say Dreamworks makes shitty movies, like the Shrek movies were okay. They were like pretty funny, I guess.


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[Assistant] He kinda looked like a cruise missile, but like, maybe five or six cruise missiles combined into one?


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[Assistant] Right. Yeah, he was big. I think his name was like Bubbles or something. He was huge. I don't know if it, I don't know if it was actually Bubbles, but like he was, he was a really big, big guy. He would just sort of stand there and look imposing.


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[Assistant] But he himself was really funny. He's really fucking funny, like, himself. So like, he's probably the best person to tell those stories. Right, exactly.


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[Assistant] You wanna watch, if you're gonna watch Chappelle's show sketches, Lewis, you wanna watch that one, and another really, really good one is, uh, is the player haters ball with ice tea in it. It's got ice tea, Charlie Murphy's in it as well. Holy shit, this really is like an early 2000s thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was pretty good though, like it was, it just shows like how fucking good he is at, at writing comedy. Cause like the whole, the whole thing with the, with the pussy padding, um, superhero and, and then linking that back to Bill Cosby like right at the end was, was really fucking funny actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it would be terrible. I like, I, I find in my experience, if I overthink things or like try, try to come up with something like elaborate or whatever, it's never, it's never like as good as just something that's like, you know, happens randomly or like is off the cuff or whatever, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, yeaah. It's incredible. It is like a, it's like a, like an art, isn't it? They're just very, very, very good at it. I saw Jimmy Carr live one time. Like, this is a long time ago, back when Jimmy Carr was just sort of like, you know, popular. Now, like, you've seen him, like, you see him everywhere on, like, every fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was like a while back before he was like on TV all the time and stuff and he was sort of like, people were just kind of finding out about him and stuff and his, you know, he's got his, some of his, some of his comedies a little bit like, um, offensive and controversial and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing I found was that when I went to see him live, cause he was over here, it's like, Jimmy Carr, let's go see him. Like he's, you know, just at the fucking opera house, like in town. So we went to see him.