[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a prop bet is like, if I was gonna bet Nadav before this episode of like, or you say he was gonna bet with somebody cause he knows I drink a lot of water. If it's like, how many waters will Rob drink during this episode?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if he says two, he says one, and you could set a line. So you could be like, okay, it's one and a half. So anything over one and a half...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always bet a half so there's no tie. Fuck ties. So anything over one and a half, you win. Anything under one and a half, I win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, I- Listen, up until I saw Ryan limping when he answered the door, I was all in on Ryan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I saw the limp, I was like, fuck. I-I-I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put it this way, how long do you think you could jog for without having to stop?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause a marathon is like three and a half hours of running. Yeah, whatever. You think, uh, how much money? Alright, here's the question. How much money do you think it would take for you to run a marathon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're saying you could. Okay, what about this? Would you be willing to put up 5,000?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if you had to, well it would hurt you if you, what if you had to put up 5,000 to my 10,000?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, here's the deal. I fucking hate losing. I hate losing $10,000. I would hate losing $10,000. I also, I haven't fucking worked in 10 years. How much money do you think I got? I'm not bawling, I got money, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm saying this one now, but I'm saying before that I haven't worked in 16 years. Nobody's throwing jobs at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I could never do that. I have watches people got me like 20 years ago that I'm just like, it just sits in a box cause I'm like, I don't have the heart. You know what I mean? It's more like my OCD is like, oh something bad will happen to you if you sell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if we do five miles an hour? Oh yeah. That's two and a half. It's a little over two and a half. No, we need, we need more, right? Oh no, wait, what? No. If we do, if we say five miles an hour. Wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we'll say, I think we give them, I think we give them around the four hour mark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four hours is a good line. Four hours is a good line. You know what we do? What? What was Burke's time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would actually be kinda, like, even that's tough, cause like, if you're going five miles an hour, that's over five hours still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five miles an hour is a pretty, pretty decent... Clip? I think four hours is a great line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, man, this is crazy too. Hold on. Cause when I'm thinking about the bet, when I'm comfortable putting up the ten is like, hey, right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we're talking, if you have all these months to train, I feel like I'm getting suckered if I'm paying 2 to 1, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've known people, but like we said, Burt ran a fucking marathon. You have four or five months to get as healthy as Burt and you've been playing basketball for 45 days every day? No, I'm getting suckered. I know when I'm getting suckered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if it was tomorrow, if it was tomorrow, I'd put up the 10k to your 5k. For sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, we just don't, no, it's just not double, it's not 2 to 1. I put up 7500 to your 5k. But you have, you have months to get, it should be even money if you have months, but I'd be willing to put up because you say I have money and you don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. A hundred percent. Or like the day after the- I'd give him even two weeks to do whatever. But like, if we're giving him- here's the- in my head, I'm giving him four months to get in as good a shape as Bert. That's fucking crazy. He's younger, he's in much better shape, he's blonde.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, if we want to set it up somehow in the next two weeks, I'll put up 10k to his five. But if we're doing those four months, it has to be closer. Like, I don't think, I think putting up- It's a valid point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cra- I think for $20,000 you'll fucking do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, listen, if, if you, if you want to do it two weeks from now, you can put up 10,000, I'll put up 20,000. If you want to do it in two weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Giving you all that, listen, almost anybody can get in shape for a marathon in four, five months, whatever. Now if Nadav wants to put up some money, if Nadav!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if he lost 10 pounds a month up until then, what is that, 40, 50 pounds? And 10 pounds a month is not hard to lose. If you have a money objective at the end, and he... He loves money. How much would you, how much would you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he has four months, I don't even know what fucking month this is, but if he has four, five, six months to train, I think he should get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would put up 20 to your 20. For what time limit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to get a little under there. I'll get- I would give you a little- I want the limit. I would give you a little over- I want the six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna do it in two weeks, I'll give you Burt's time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Onto the fucking table, and I'm like, here, here's your fucking toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But here's how the bet goes. Me and Eni make a money bet for, uh, you to run a marathon or whatever, and then Tom just puts up that 10k or whatever if you do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So you're free rolling on 10k.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then me and Eni have a bet on if you can do it or not. But what's the time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five and a half? No, we're going, if we're giving you till November, it's average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, again, there's so much, I'm willing to bet huge and at a huge disadvantage on things in like the next week or two. No, I'm talking about in five months. When we're talking about five months, like I just, I know, I mean, okay, let's put it this way. But he's so reluctant to even do it. Man, he's just, his mind isn't right. You can flip a switch and just like when I, so I lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 60 pounds in like th- or no, how much did I lose? Yeah, like 50 pounds or something like that in like 3 months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's way different than if you're like, hey, I have this 20k, especially when he's coming here every day and you're on his shit and you're like, yo dude, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was, what I, the bet I would want to do is two weeks from now, so you don't have to go back to being unhealthy, there's two weeks from now, you run 26.2 miles. I'll put up 10,000 to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you train in the next four, five, five, dude, five months?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a long time. A long time. My, my brother, by the way, like, my brother does this shit. Like, he's, he's run marathons, he does triathlons, he does this shit, and I know there's times where he's like, yo, I'm in such bad shit. Like, he just had a kid, he's just going, I'm eating like shit, I'm doing like shit, he's like, out of shape, everything, and he's running, he's doing a triathlon in September.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, yo, right now I couldn't do shit. He's like, I've never, like, he's, when you, if you have five months to train, and there's a huge cash, like, of course I think you could do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I wonder if the average time is, cause I'm thinking like this could be a good time, the time between the runner who wins the marathon and Burt. So like whatever time is right in the middle of both of those I think could be a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that guy, that guy can run two and a half marathons in the time that Bert ran his marathon. Right. See, that's why...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did 533, he ran it in, right? So 333, yeaah, divided by...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they're just chillin'. So you're taking the average of all the people who are just chillin'. Walkers. People are walking by, there's like bands going, people are stopping to pee and have a drink and they get back in the thing. Yeah, so there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, I would understand if it was just a bet, but the fact that he's boosting the bet with just free money, that's nice. I'm not saying, you know, that's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, Nadav. Fucking Gamblers 101. When you win a bet, you win money. When you lose a bet, you what? You're in pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if you can in the next fi- again, if we talk tomorrow...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we don't know what elliptical thing is compared to running, cause I think ellipticals are a lot, they move a lot faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy felt so cool in the morning too. He's like dressed fly. He has like the Asian Yeezys on, you know? And then he's just getting, oh man, that's so sad. That's a pretty whack video. Like the goose is like laying on him and he's screaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? I just, I just feel like... I don't know. I don't know. That's, that's the next bet. I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, what do I have? You know, my dad has a relationship with his mom that's a lot like your mom, which is still like, and you see like the faces or whatever. So my brother,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just had a baby, and when my, my dad's like, I gotta go all the way to New York to get her, and then I have to bring her here, cause she had, like I feel bad if she doesn't meet the baby, she's like 80 and she'll die or whatever. She's like, alright fine, he drives all the way to the fucking city, then he drives into Queens, gets her, drives all the way around, and the, the baby's name is Gabby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they go, oh, you know, we're bringing Gabby in to see you. You ready? And she's like, yes. They sit her on the couch and they put her in, in her arms. And she goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, Abigail. And my dad almost fucking, I mean just, he blew a fucking, you know, like he's just like, he went all the way down and you know your granddaughter's name is fucking Gabby. And she's like, hi Abigail. Like the first time she sees her, aw, it's just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just fucking had it right here and he'd be salivating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my brother ran the marathon and we're all waiting on the- Oh my god! We're waiting on the side of the marathon with him with signs. Can you imagine the mommies that are gonna show up and what their fucking signs are gonna say? Oh my god!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there could be a prize of who runs faster, you or any.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta register him like soon. You heard it here first. Yeah. It's a YMH exclusive. You're in, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because that's only 12 pounds and that's like not that hard. Like if he really sets his mind to this, I think it could be a lot. He could break that 200 mark, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So I'm like, man, what am I- Do you ever wanna have a kid? Also, I got an STD when I was like 22 or 23, and I thought I had like full AIDS. Like, cause I- cause you didn't know anything about whatever, so like I'm peeing and it's burning and I call the doctor and I'm like, oh my god, I need to come in. And he's like, you know, let's say it's like Thursday. He's like, alright, we can see you Wednesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then when I went to the fucking doctor, the doctor was like, oh, you have like some, it's cause something called like the trick. And he's like, like one out of three people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the problem, I don't want kids right now, but I feel like if I'm 60 and don't have kids, I'm gonna regret it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's an interesting- Cause I still, I don't even, even if there's like a one in a hundred, I think the only thing that can like ruin my life right now would be like having a kid. And if I had a kid, I just, I wouldn't enjoy the sex thinking that there's like a one percent chance I could have. Oh, it's less than one percent chance. Wait a minute, do you think I could still get pregnant from you blowing loads? No. Snipped? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like probably not, but it's just, it's just the thing in my head, like I can't get over it. You know what I mean? And then sex with condoms is just fucking garbage. Like it's so wack. Like it's like, it's great like, you know, when you're first like hooking up with a girl and you're like, oh, this is still like dope. But then like two weeks later, I'm like, I don't wanna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like get the calm, and it's also just like the break in the momentum. Sure. That's the big deal. Like, like when you're like, oh, this is so hot and heavy. This like, hold on. Hold on. Let me go. And then you're like opening it. It's like, I want to shove it in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, you know what else shocked that you guys didn't, and I'm sure by now you have, but you didn't like go crazier into is that that guy, the New York life, what is that guy, the New York? Humans of New York. Humans of New York, how like, his like second thing was like, you know, I used to have long red hair, but anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, and then, and then it's like, I was the fuck master. We talked to him today. Did you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, just keep on jizzin'. Hey, it's never too late to start tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, we gotta, we gotta take you, so there's like a room in here where like after the pod you take pictures of people. We gotta get you in there today shirtless. For the before pictures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And five months from now when we show the pictures you could be like, I used to have short red hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. See, she would have said no to the marathon shit. Yep. You know what I mean? She doesn't have that heart, Nadav.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys, you guys have probably said this on your podcast, but what is, from a stranger, what's the most disgusting bodily fluid to get on you? A stranger? From a stranger. Vomit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I wanna say thank you so much to you guys for building this fucking playground and now you're just like, hey, you wanna come have fun? Like that's, it's not lost on me how much fucking hard work you guys have put in to this and I just appreciate it so much and I can't wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you man. If, if it was for something else, like if I was just going to get like a payday, I would have just put nothing into it, you know what I mean? You know where to go, you know, I kinda know. But like I wanted to, you know, you guys were always great to us and I just wanted to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva. Go to satva.com slash the shit to get $200 off your next order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't clap. No, I don't. Don't clap. Because I'm very upset and disappointed in myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fought, I fought for the title, Touch My Camera Through The Fence, comma, u, f-word. And I had so many emails back and forth with Sarandos and the team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I even at one point was like, okay, I'll drop, comma, uf word. I'll drop that. But this is important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fans get what they want and touch my camera through the fence. So after about 20 rounds, you were there with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I let you down. I let the fans down, I let the mommies down, and I settled, and I settled on a secondary title. I mean, it still has Gene in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but when they overcook a rib and the meat just fall, like he looks like his meat's about to fall off his bones. He's so overcooked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what's funny, or sad rather, is that he was pretty good looking when he met Leanne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I can see where his dick, his dick roots are, whatever you guys call that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I'm such a- but here's the thing, maybe he- is he flattered that I shamed him? Maybe? No. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Bert. Bert, don't die. Stop eating. Look at that Hoshi right there. Vegan. As a Nayong Hoshi. Nayong Hoshi. Fuff. Vegan. As uhm, disno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, it's like a time lapse, time, time warp. Also, I wanted to point out something for those of you who haven't watched Mom Jeans on Netflix, this is my favorite part of the special. Not only did I get legal notes, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That were ridiculous. I also had to, uh, so, so, I have a stylist who picked out this phenomenal outfit for me. Shout out to Seth Chernoff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Seth submits the invoice to Netflix for my outfit that I wear on Mom Jeans on the special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They replied with, we have never spent this much money on a special outfit ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To which I replied, not even Tom Segura, who bought the jacket that he didn't wear. And they were like, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm not going to tell you the number, but let me, let me tell you what I did. So first of all, it's a Dolce & Gabbana suit, which I never owned when in my life, but I put that sucker on and I was like, yep, buy me too. A backup, you have to buy a backup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I said, okay, I want this one and I also want Swarovski crystals on it. So the suit doesn't come with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crystals, but now I'm in Texas y'all and I was like, let's go hard. So I had them put Swarovski crystals, not just fucking fake shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's the, you know, sparkles. And then the necklace is another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many, I don't know, thousands and thousands. The shoes are a lie, which is just ridiculously expensive. I mean, look, watch the, watch just to see this outfit. It costs, oh god damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I had it altered to fit me just, just so. The rings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do that. You know how many people are gonna photoshop stuff into that photo? Look at those tits. My tits, I had a tit job. I had to get my teeth whitened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two, because, well because I'm a, like, you have to have a backup suit in case you, on the day of taping, you rip it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well that's what I'm saying. So I had to do it to two suits in case one got damaged day of taping. And where I sweat through it or God knows what, cause there's two tapings you have to get through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, oh, and here's the other part. So a licensed, Frankie goes to Hollywood, relax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fans deserve it. And you didn't give me touch my camera through the fence. It's the least you can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I have some merch I'd like to plug. Uhm, really, really good stuff on, check it out for mom jeans store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys, I have some gender conscious onesies if you guys want to check those out. Probably my favorite item in the store. Go ahead and click on that. Person with a vagina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, onesie and then person with a penis. Buy it for someone who's gonna have, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men can have periods too, guys. It's a new era. And nice tote bags. Also my favorite, cause I have notebooks a lot. Write it down, bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Red down, and then I got some, uh, great 80s looking t-shirts, so check that stuff out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you realize that you just said you added a third arena? No, a second. A second arena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this was on the talk, right? I found this guy and I was like, gold. And then I did a deeper dive to make sure that this is real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's real. Cause there's one of him like, I don't know if it's in the folder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at his old work, he's got like a kite with a cross. One eighth, one slash, oh an eight ball. Well that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So on his belly, there's an eight ball. Oh, so someone's an eight ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that, it's cocaine and. Coca. And heroin together, right? Is that an April?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a maze. Oh, so I saw this, um, ad on TikTok that you can have temporary tattoos, meaning they'll ink them on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's in LA, I saw it on the talk. It's uhm, somewhere in LA you can go and get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five months, nine months, and then twelve to fifteen, it's gone. So my guess is they just don't go as deep into the dermis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. You know what? It's really promising. What I thought of immediately is that now our bet's in the office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but this is not a real steak, like it goes away. It's still a real steak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here, I would get my knuckle tattoos. I'm gonna keep my eye on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't it crazy that in 2022 we have high speed internet, celebrities going to space, electric cars, and yet people are still cleaning their bums the way our Victorian brothers and sisters did? With toilet paper?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Step into the 21st century and upgrade your bathroom routine and start washing your bum with hello, tushy bidets. Listen, we are obsessed with the tushy bidet. I can't even fathom going back to just mashing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Toilet paper onto your bum and like, mushing poopoo there. Why would you do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Hello Tushy bidet attachment attaches to your existing toilet. It installs in less than 8 minutes and cuts down your toilet paper used by 80%, saving money and paper waste. Hello Tushy has cleaned over 1 million happy bums. Join them and take care of your business the cleaner way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want all of our listeners to have clean bums. Visit hellotushy.com slash your mom to get 10% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus free shipping right now. Tag at HelloTushy on any social media so they can celebrate your clean butt with you. That's hellotushy.com slash your mom for 10% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my knuckles done. I could get a jean. What do you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check it out, try it out. How about FGTRTD?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, look, I've done two. I did my sophomore or the first one whenever that baby prom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sorry I forgot. And I went fully goth, like blue velvet dress, like black hair, he had black hair, and like he wore a suit which was new, like he didn't wear a dress which was cool. They wouldn't let you do that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, Shauna and my best friend Shauna both brought losers to senior prom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, well here's the deal, cause I went to an old girls catholic school and all our friends, all the boys that we associated with had gone to college, they were older than us, they were a year ahead of us, so all the boys in LA,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the cool chicks hung out with guys that were older. Of course, yea dude, cause we were getting laid and having fun and doing drugs and stuff. And then they left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His look? Well yea, he was, he had a lot of cool tats too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like a bat tattoo and like, like a lot of bad tattoos and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little, but I tried to like, no he's my friend, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so embarrassed, like, when I look back on, oh god, like the people at Bang, that one is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's the deal, cause I've dealt with the shame of it, like, my therapy. My therapist is like, yeah, but you were just like this young confused girl you need to love. And I was like, yeah, yeah, like I've convinced myself. He's so not my type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't, and that's the thing is that I count him as like a mistake, like a side. I count him as a detour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my, that was my, it's the moped, right? Like you ride it around because you have to, but you don't want your friends to know. Isn't that what they call the moped?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what happened. So, so the love, the first love of my life, my first love went to college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wounded gazelle and I just fell for it. He wore me down, Tom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay, so she wasn't at the problem with some other guy. No. She's like, oh my plans fell through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was she cute? Was she super cute? Smoke show. And she was a junior as well?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you look, you were like eyeballing her. She's the one I'm gonna finger on prom. Try to. On the prom night. She was gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, cause you don't want that to get around, that, that fucking crystal turned you down, whatever that whore's name is. Sabrina.


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[Assistant] As I asked her out. Nah. That's not cool.


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[Assistant] That's a crazy drug to get into, Tom. You realize how severe that is.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. I thought that was Rufy, or Hyphenol.


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[Assistant] Wow. I can't imagine waking up to those words.


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[Assistant] Cause you don't know, you're just like, last thing you remember, you were partying.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what were you doing? You're just taking tons of that shit and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fourteen screwdrivers.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you were on a bad path, my friend. You were on a really gnarly path.


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[Assistant] No, you were, you were, you were really primed to be a drug addict. That's crazy. You really were, dude. That, that was, if you're doing this shit as a fucking senior in high school,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm really glad that happened to you, cause gosh, you probably wouldn't be, you'd be like, you know who you would be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy, uhm, on that Florida show, we love Bloodline. You'd be Florida trash.


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[Assistant] Definitely. I mean, you were on a, you were on a fucking really crazy path.


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[Assistant] All the dudes I know that were like you in high school cause they partied with dudes like you ended up becoming fucking losers and like not pulling it together until much later in life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. Every girl wanted to bang this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tall, lanky, uh, white, punker guy with dreads.


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[Assistant] It sounds lame, but like, he was so cool.


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[Assistant] He had the door knocker, fucking piercing, like, he sounds lame as shit on paper, but this guy was so fucking hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, my, my roommate did bang him. It doesn't look like Johnny Depp with the pirates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was in love with him. I mean, we all had a crush on him, but she got to nail him and she's like, yeah, he's got a huge one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is really rad. And even his best friend was hot as shit, but they were older. Like they were like 23 and still in college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to fuck not the drug dealer, but the drug dealer's friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I was like, that guy's too hot. The drug dealer and he's a drug dealer is too scary. And we tried, but he was just like, not into me. He wasn't not into it. I don't know if he had a girlfriend or like, I think.


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[Assistant] I love now how like we've been together for like 20 years and now all these bitches and dudes are coming out of the closet.


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[Assistant] I've never kept one a secret. Because I'm so deeply ashamed of this guy.


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[Assistant] Or if you change your hair something, it's gonna help you attract a better caliber of person.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, let's be honest, it's not... No.


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[Assistant] And his, his, um, his eye expressions are just- Are fantastic. Yeah. I'm telling you. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, his timing was impeccable. God dammit, I can't believe-


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[Assistant] Cause remember Demi got mad and tweeted that we should, we should cancel a Froyo place because they were having non-diet items in the front.


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[Assistant] Protective. No, I, I, I guess I reposted it in my stories. It's disappeared.


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[Assistant] I like when he goes, oh, we do not play with the sassy, and his hand movements with the, god, perfect timing, perfect timing.


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[Assistant] And can I tell you something? I was just in LA at the comedy store and I am seeing comedians saying crazy shit again. People are, we're fed up and we're pushing back and I really think it was Chappelle


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[Assistant] Hold on, because the outdoors remains a largely white domain, it is up to white America to invite communities of color in to enlist us as allies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so yoga is also racist. There was an article published by, um, a heavy set model.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's a, she's a fat mall and she said that yoga is racist too. I forget the name of the girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, tell me what the- so what's the difference between like, Texas black people and Detroit?


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[Assistant] Now I've been a waitress at marginally good places, like a French restaurant, and that's okay. The real money is cocktail waitressing. And you get your regulars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vicodin and beer, I would do that after I got my teeth pulled, you know, wisdom teeth, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I got some good pills for my ankle. I had to stop cause I was like, Dr. Drew, I really like them. I really like them. And he's like, you should really stop. And I did, but it was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Wait, that's crazy when you think about it. That's what they put you for anesthesia, right? He would sleep at night. He was doing it for bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look what it says, Madonna giving off real Amanda Bynes energy these days. At least she's doing one of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see, these are white girls that have never fought. Been in a fight.


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[Assistant] Cause I've said some shit, I've said some shit in like sixth, seventh grade and I've had my ass beat. So like, I don't say, I don't do that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he plays video games, and he plays this kind where you talk to other people in different parts of the world. A lot of people do that. Where you fight with other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you feel about those Gucci slippers with the fur? Those low furs?


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[Assistant] Did you like that full episode of Your Mom's House? Are your jeans as high and tight as they can be? I doubt it. Watch some more clips, dude. Look at that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I would just have to say that, remember Chad, win or lose, you're still a little bitch.


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[Assistant] I'm not talking about the reputation among people, I'm talking about my friends and family. They're never gonna see this. Oh, my family is definitely gonna see this. They'll be like, what do you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, what, uhm, what does Chad hate?


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[Assistant] Be their bitch for a day, basically. That's more appropriate, I think. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah? You agree to that too? I'm okay with being a bitch for a day. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Consonants. Consonants is the answer. So sea- you're talking about like seashells, seashells by the seashore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to debate that one. I'm gonna have to call a flag on that play. We're gonna need to put that one up for review. Zolo? What do you think? Consonants?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's sort of like, you're saying consonants in alliter- like, like, uhm, all squares are rectangles, all rectangles are not squares kind of thing, where like, if, if something's an alliteration, it's also consonants, but it's not consonants if it's alliteration.


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[Assistant] But will you, uh, go pick up the food he likes and... I will go pick up his lunch order, I will.


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[Assistant] I guess to other things, I don't know what he has in mind. Well, you... I got a couple things, yeah? Oh, great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean, he lords around those winning trivia, you know, around the office, thinks he's so smart and he's dumb as fucking bricks. At least in my eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he clearly has some leg up on me on certain issues, and I have a leg up on him on other issues, you know? And I think that's what this test kind of showed. Will you be able to move forward and work with him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can push through, I think. You don't think so? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I mean, uhm, you know, he's, you know, he's thorough, he, uhm, he is, uhm, like if there's an issue, he makes the effort to correct it and, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a, just like, as a, as a, like a department, uh, post-production, what we do. Uhm, so, uhm, I like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not bad at his job, he's great at his job. Uhm, and yeaah, we get, I think we, this, I think we're doing a better job, uhm, because he's here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're back! Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House Pomcast.


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[Assistant] But it's all about the day of the drunk.


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[Assistant] I love that the drugs need a fucking- I know. I actually played a casino that has a margaritaville in it, in Tulsa.


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[Assistant] I mean, yeaah. I was like, how many different margaritas do they have here?


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[Assistant] They have all kinds of marks here? Yeaah. And you can just be here and then you can gamble?


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[Assistant] Yeah. I made fun of it on stage for a second and then I was like, ah, I still gotta get paid. Probably knock it off.


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[Assistant] Garth, uhm. That's right. It's Gee's hometown, yeaah. It was fun because I did, uhm.


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[Assistant] I did Wichita, right before, the night before. Pinch it off. And so, uhm, and then I- Is that good? Is that good? I think pinch it off is better. But I got to tell the audiences in both cities, I said, uh, like the next day, I was like, I was in Wichita last night, Tulsa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today, uh, two cities with the most prolific serial killers in history. Because, uh, BTK was in Wichita and Garth Brooks lives here. And then they went crazy. They got it. They got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. And uhm, but I would never had the kids on tour before. It was the first time ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it did ruin everyone's laugh. It was still fun. It was fun, right? It was fun to have them. It was super cute to see them. They came to sound check with me, uhm, and they killed. Like, our whole staff was laughing because Ellis took the mic and he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I was like, this is not that different than my material. And then Julian was like, I want to do it. He took the mic, he just repeats what his brother said. He's like, nah, it might be. And then they each kind of, then Alice goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take the mic and he goes, eat, eat the trash man. Like insane, all this insane shit. Uhm, he's like, why don't you live in a toilet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my son. Uh. But he was fearless when he brought you up. He introduced me. That was cool. He'd use the VOG backstage. And then he was like, ladies and gentlemen, Tom's a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's a backstage monitor, which is a, like a speaker. And, uh, I get off stage and Sean was like, your youngest Julian went up to the monitor and was yelling back into it because it was like your voice is coming through and he was like, Hey, yelling into the monitor. So funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hookers aren't here this weekend. Well, I mean, there was a pre-arrival speech where I was like, hey, the family's coming, fucking dial it back. You know? I was like, pretend that, you know, we just sit here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you know what the truth is? Everyone's just fucking tired. I know. That was week two of a two week back to back run.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You even messaged me, you're like, Jesus Christ, I cannot believe what you're doing. It's horrible. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Uhm, it was exhausting to have the kids there though. Jesus Christ. You know what you didn't realize? I realized it after like the third day of you guys being there, I think, was that on the road, the way I'm touring, you spend your day just conserving energy. And conserving mental energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only time you, like, like, spell, like, physical energy is when we work out, and then the, and then the performance, which is actually more mental than physical. So, but you're mentally, like, all day, you're just like, you know, you go to breakfast, you get a, and then you go for a walk, and then you're like, oh, this is good chill. Yeah. Let's just take a casual stroll.


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[Assistant] Freakouts, yea, freakouts freak you out. I know. To think that some of our friends are coming to travel with their kids all the time. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So hard. And then one of my friends, uh, know somebody who had got a job with this person, with this lady, got a job at the same office. And, um, the friend said that on day one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On day one, she walked up to this person who was their first day at a job and goes, Todd, my back hurts. I feel like I got fucked on a wood floor. Hey, I'm Carmen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree with you, I'm just saying, she, maybe for her normal self, this is fatter than she normally is.


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[Assistant] That is insane. Being that you are the messenger of sadness. I mean...


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[Assistant] This person, if I worked somewhere and this woman was there, I would make excuses to talk to her every day.


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[Assistant] That's a different thing that you wouldn't hire Carmen. Carmen can work-


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[Assistant] It's not, it's not like they go, it'd be really great if you didn't have teeth, but you're still allowed to, you know, get the job. I mean, I've, I've seen, um, front desk people who have fucked up teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, if you were interviewing, I'd be like, I met the guy. I didn't like this. He didn't have any teeth. You know, that would be it. I'd be like, why didn't you put them in for the interview?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're gonna do an exclusive? Well shit, you gotta get me ready for something like that. Hold on.


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[Assistant] And how about uhm, and he's got a hold and look like he just won a slam poetry contest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks good. There's a, there's a, uh, hot sauce is the best, uh, shirt in the store now. Yes, of course it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he's shipped here, yeaah, you're gonna get one, you're gonna get one and, oh okay, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right though, in that most men do just say like, I'll definitely take more. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it's true that every, like, I would, if you offered me, like, you can do the, it'll just be magically different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, my peanut, I'd be like, I'd be like, yeah, throw another inch on it, and then give it a little more bulk, you know, a little more girth. Why not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's right. I understand. I also, if somebody was like, here's an experimental thing, it might work. I'd be like, I'm good. It works. Everyone seems to be happy. I'm fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. And the other thing is this, I don't think I ever, if something like porn didn't exist, like if I hadn't seen so many dicks, I would never think to be like, oh, I need a bigger dick. I'd never think that. I swear I wouldn't. I'd be like, what? You know, it works fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them don't even don't, but I'm saying it's like, it's seeing guys do it. Yeah, of course. Some have gigantic ones and you see that and you're like, geez, actually some of them I've seen them in porn where I've been like, I don't want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's too big, I don't want it. Well, there's freaky. Like, I've seen like freak-ish. I don't want that. Yeah, of course. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They look, they look like weapons. Like some of them look like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a torture device, you know? Like they're like, holy shit. It's like an abnormality. Like the guy's dick looks like a grotesque abnormality. But then some you're like, God, that looks delicious. I mean, like it looks cool. It looks cool. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes like, for me, I'll be like, this looks like a peanut. And then, yea, you're like, come on. I think, by the way, isn't that what, like, the advertised dick pills


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I don't mean Cialis Viagra. I mean when they're like, make your penis bigger. Aren't they actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true. It is true. It's what I'm saying. It's all it's in your. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you're blasted and it's like really small, you're like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there are people listening, watching, even not, that have like really small ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And there's nothing you can really fucking do. You just have to get to a point of acceptance and pair up, match with somebody who that's, that's a match for, which there is somebody. There is somebody for you. There's a lot of women that don't like penetration. But we get it really in our heads, you know, like everything becomes about your dick size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, at least in a time period in your life, you know, when you're entering puberty and, and like you're becoming sexually active and you're like, what the fuck do I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like this thing where it like, it doesn't, I mean, I guess in a way it does, like, dicks like define your masculinity, you know, they define it. And, um, the truth is, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, a guy, I mean, they might like big tits more, you know, or something like that, but they don't really, some guys really don't care, you know? Yeah. I mean, there's some guys who are like, that's there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure, that's her thing. But for the most part, I feel like I've never really cared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the narrative, and I've learned this, is that women are more forgiving. Right? And then it's actually bullshit. Cause you know what? Like if a guy, it really is. If a guy goes like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like girls that like, I don't like big girls or something like that. Everyone's like, you're a fucking piece of shit. Like they'll just slam the guy, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman is allowed to be like, don't talk to me if you're under six feet. Oh, that's true. And it's like, it's such a shitty, like you can laugh about it, but what about like, you know, so you're just gonna like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just, I think it's kind of funny that we don't point out the hypocrisy in that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it. I would say this though, if you're a man and you're, you know, under six feet and some woman says that shit to you about, you know, oh, you're not tall enough. Why don't you crack her in the fucking knee?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And say, who's tall now? Stupid. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you want to eat tonight? Maybe you want a home cooked favorite but don't feel like going to the store. Do you want something exciting and new but would much rather stay in instead? DoorDash connects you with everything you want whenever and however you want it. Do you want pizza? Do you want cookies? Do you want Mediterranean? Do you want deodorant that you forgot to buy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They will hook you up. They will go pick it up and bring it to your house along with the restaurants you love. You can now get your groceries and other essential items delivered with DoorDash. Get drinks, snacks, other household items in under an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you craving? Late night ice cream? Forget that one key ingredient for dinner. Or maybe you just want to stock up for the weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With over 300,000 partners, you can support your neighborhood go-tos or choose from your favorite national restaurants. Ordering is easy and your order will be left safely outside your door when you choose the contactless delivery drop off. For a limited time, our listeners can get 25% off


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just make sure you check that bitch if she says something like that. God damn it, Tom. Just letting them know you can be encouraging these guys, that's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're, you're wildly insecure and this is why no one's dating you. Not because you have high standards. You don't bring that much to the fucking table, let's be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I'm just saying you smell, you smell like garlic and you got, you're not that impressive. And I'm just, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to stand up for all these short kings that are watching. Okay. Now let's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I don't like to make this too serious, but there is a pretty serious situation going on in, uhm, in Eastern Europe right now. And a surprise, a surprise supporter of, uh, Vladimir Putin, uhm, that totally went over my head and I just want to point it out real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This must be from, but it's not from like 91. It's from like 16 months ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Nice. Wow, yeaah. Uhm, D-O-N-B-A-S-S.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is the photo over here the Texan? Okay, what's his name? Russell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a completely made up thing. Yeah, it's pretty wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, well he seems like a really cool guy. Yeaah, that's cool. I could see you guys going on a date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a number of blondes. We're talking about like slam pieces too, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you could definitely see what my preference is. But, you know, I gave some, uh, dark hairs a little go at it. And then, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I slept with, uhm, some, I mean, a black woman, uh, uh, an island woman, uhm, an Asian woman. An island woman. Yeah, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's gotta be such a mortifying moment. Terrible. Particularly more for a woman even. I think for a woman it's tough. I mean it's rough for anybody, but I think for a woman it would be more horrifying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, but this actually supports my math. It sounds like these people were pushing through eight nines and tens. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said 7 is the max, and a 7 is like, hmm, you could maybe if you sat down, you know, it's not like I'm holding this in, right? That's like, I could if I sat, not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's a nine. Let's see what happens. You're gonna shit. That's what's gonna happen. What else you got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, what's up my king and queen above? Oh yea, this is the fucking with locked doors thing I was saying right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uptown Top Shelf, the last mango in Paris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or a Bahama Mama. I like incommunicado, which just suggests you don't want to be able to speak. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you make me blackout drunk right now, please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, a Jeep Wrangler on the beach took a hard angle, hauling ass, rolled over a couple of times and then the roof came off and a person flew out of it. It seemed like they were going in slow motion for a second, like they were like levitating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was kinda cool. I think they're fine. I think it's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me read this real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this is rule one of construction sites. Rule number one is a hard hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it would have, it would have like braced some of that impact for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that, I mean, this is obvi- this is not in the, uh, U.S., but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is rough, man. Yea. I dunno, I think the Jeep was funnier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, to weigh in on the conversation we were all having here, uhm, some people weighed in themselves on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The funny thing about that is I didn't know that was a debate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no. Uhm, speaking of exclusives and what not, uhm, we actually have a pretty exciting thing going here, because you know how we had the, uh, smart offer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A back and forth battle. Blood was on the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And ultimately, uhm, we realized that Chad's the smartest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were talking about, of course, the uh, the battle for uh, for smart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we have a couple things here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously the talk around the office is that these guys are not just playfully talking shit to each other, Chad and Chris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there's some bad blood and you probably saw that on Instagram, uh, Chad recorded a song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've always been talking about how great, I mean, a good guy, Chris, is forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, first of all, I just know that this is great.


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[Assistant] I have something that Chad hasn't seen.


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[Assistant] It's a, it's an early release of Chris's April video. He does one video a month.


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[Assistant] So anyway, uhm, here's his April release.


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[Assistant] Here's the thing, it's, if you had asked me, who do you think?


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[Assistant] Is the origin of this that, that when Chad came in, he was like, I'm going to do things this way and not this way. Like is that, is that the or like, did he come in going like I'm doing things my way?


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[Assistant] Well, here's what we're setting up because this is just building and you can feel the blood boiling and you know, I mean, I'm thinking about hiring full time security for the office, like inside the office.


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[Assistant] They've, they've both agreed to another contest, right? Because Chad is the champ from the first round. Uh, Chris wants more, more of that smoke and, and they're, they're going to do it. So next episode, we will engage in a Smart Off, a final one.


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[Assistant] Well, actually, I guess it can't be, because if it could be, if uh, if Chad wins, it'll be 2-0. But if Chris wins, then they'll be tied 1-1.


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[Assistant] Well, I would like to tell you what I think is going to happen, but since I'm calling this broadcast, I can't.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, first of all, it's just bragging rights. I mean, that's kind of like the biggest thing. And then I think, I think there should be like some type of punishment to bear for whomever.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and this is primarily a comedy show, obviously. So why don't we maybe pay respect to one of the great comedy voices of all time. And what we'll do is, this is a good idea. Whoever loses has to rock


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[Assistant] A Charlie Chaplin mustache for a day.


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[Assistant] Absolutely. Great influence. I mean, he was the biggest movie star for a while. There he is. There is the mustache. The Charlie Chaplin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, yeah, there he is. So you gotta walk around like you're Charlie Chaplin all day.


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[Assistant] Don't lose. Fear. Don't lose unless you want everyone to think you're one of the great comedic voices of the 1920s.


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[Assistant] Not for me, baby. Not for me. I mean, Eni is 100% on your team. I know this guy, and he's not putting us on. He's really on Team Chad.


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[Assistant] No way. I want a fair fight. 100%. When it's over, I'll even tell you in secret what I think. I don't want to influence anything.


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[Assistant] How I think it'll go, yea. And then, you save it. You'll know that I'm telling you the truth.


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[Assistant] Well you never know what somebody has specialized knowledge. I know, that's what I'm thinking. You could ask a question about, you know, flying and know that you didn't know someone took a couple flying lessons. You know what I mean? Like there's just things that you never know what someone has experienced.


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[Assistant] It is, and it also is for smarts, it's diversification of the questions. It's not just one field of questions.


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[Assistant] I took a quick peek at some of the questions and I was like, oh yeaah, big fail right here. Yeaah, I'm a real dumb dumb.


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[Assistant] Uhm, anyway, let me see here. Let me look at this. Uh, that would be one.


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[Assistant] I mean, so far I see one question I may have gotten correct. I'm looking through two questions I could get correct. There is a variation which is good. Three I would get correct.


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[Assistant] And just get, I mean, you probably, some people probably do and get sick. Hey, do you have a good time here? Yeah, until I got fuckin' sick, this lady shit in the water and then I drank it.


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[Assistant] I'm amazed that, you know, everybody on the bass doesn't have it.


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[Assistant] Go ahead, James. Alright. Yeah, it's tour tour tour non-stop tour for us. I'm fucking never stop touring until, uh, 2028 from my tour one and down.


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[Assistant] They're coming everywhere. Uhm, people keep asking me about, you know, publicity, and that's it. They're all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all coming, man. International dates are coming. It's amazing how much we're touring. Europe, Australia, Asia, South America. You're gonna be on tour too.


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[Assistant] I real quick wanted to compliment you. Pretty much every day, I land in your stories. And...


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[Assistant] You have been uh, your talk game has been really impressive. Thank you.


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[Assistant] I feel lately less sad, more amused, laughing, you know.


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[Assistant] Very good talk. Very cute talk. Yeaah. I would not expect the girl on the left to be quite like that.


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[Assistant] Or at least a choice to record yourself without them. Right? You can have no teeth, but usually you'll be like, Oh, I'm going to make a video. Let me get them real quick.


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[Assistant] That is fucking fascinating. I would love, like, more video, more photos, and like a whole explanation of what the fuck is happening. Yeah. It's like her teeth have teeth. I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, I hope, is she in a dentist office? I hope she's getting this, like, taken care of or something.


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[Assistant] Teeth first, and equality begins after your teeth are fixed.


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[Assistant] I don't care where you're from, race, religion, gender, you get your teeth fuckin' fixed if you wanna talk to me, alright?


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[Assistant] He doesn't have a great tooth, but uhm, look at that, look at the eyes.


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[Assistant] Yeah. It's a window into the person, you know?


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[Assistant] I wonder if there's, I wonder if he's still around. This looks like pretty old footage.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's old. It's Geraldo. I know. I would set up a meeting for you if you...


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[Assistant] Yeaah, sometimes you just feel it man. You know, you just feel like doing it. I get it. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] What's the, uhm, what's like the wiki on him? Let's get the, uh, the actual, here we go.


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[Assistant] Just scroll here, alright. And... Oh, he tortured. Three people and four families.


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[Assistant] Uhm, he was arrested in 72, and he got scored 82 on the IQ test. 82. It's not so high. It's not high. Paranoid schizophrenia, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His kid was found dead two weeks after he took out a log. Oh, so he probably killed his son. That's pretty cool. Uhm, does it say here if you scroll down a little more?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Right? Well, that's too bad you don't get to date him.


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[Assistant] What's wrong with that pitch for a woman? Like why doesn't that resonate with you?


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[Assistant] Yeah, good call. And also get on a dating site instead of TikTok.


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[Assistant] That would, I would run the other way. If it's black, you gotta run.


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[Assistant] She's got STDs for sure, but like, white just means she's definitely gonna jerk you off. She's a hugger, yeaah.


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[Assistant] This sign is great. Our dogs climb trees, they are fine. Oh yea, cause people are calling 911.


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[Assistant] It's incredible. For people not, or just let's say, there's a woman with no arms. Like no arms, who leaps, runs and leaps onto a pole with her legs. And it's fucking, and holds on, but you don't get to see really what she does next. But, yea, I'd take it for a ride for sure. You don't think that leg game is probably out of control?


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[Assistant] You guys fucking find her. Uhm, alright.


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[Assistant] She looks good. Yeah. I'm a fan. Uhm, alright. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you guys for watching, thank you for listening, and we will see you in two and two. Alright, we'll see you next time, bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. I really appreciate it. If you want to see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also, if you haven't subscribed, please do. It helps feed our cats. If you don't have any cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first one's definitely a suppressed burp, the second one's questionable.


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[Assistant] Walking down the street, introduction to my song. I got a gun, got a Terminator gun. Machines within. Machines within.


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[Assistant] If all the haters which love no hate, I don't know what's real and what's fake.


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[Assistant] Working on my rhyme, working on my song. I got a gun, got a Terminator gun. Machines within. Machines within.


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[Assistant] I paid about $37,000 to have a hair transplant procedure done.


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[Assistant] And I don't know, it just made me feel insecure. I wanted to look that felt more genuine to me.


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[Assistant] And so what I did was, I went back there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it feels good. It feels right. I think it's a really cool, um,


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[Assistant] Just like, style. Like if I naturally could grow full head of hair, I think I would do this. That's why I did it, you know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, some people will like stop me and they were saying, you know, oh, you know, no country for old men. Um, you know, uh, and wasn't it Shagor, like the, the character was like Javier Bardem. Yeah. He's like, call it. Yeah, it's.


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[Assistant] Do you feel lucky? Like all that. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I get it. Um, I have Iberian heritage and he does look cool as fuck in that.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Which I know that some people have that, if they get a good facelift, people go like, did you just go on vacation? You look so rested.


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[Assistant] I don't care what anybody, what your walk of life is, when you feel confident about something, it's really nice.


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[Assistant] I do like the way I look. I'm up to like 73 grand right now.


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[Assistant] I would say that as a society, I'm not saying as a society, people have gotten really comfortable with being really out of shape.


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[Assistant] The, like, society has been like, it's a, it's, look, being 400 pounds just kinda happens. Do you? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, it's like, you know, I don't know that there's other countries where you can go to so many stores and be like, I can't, it's hard to walk. And then they're like, take a scoot scoot.


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[Assistant] Right, I feel like if you arrived in Milan and you're like, walking's hard. They'd be like, yeah, just sit then. Cause we don't have.


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[Assistant] Bad people go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Holy cow. Are you really?


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[Assistant] If you uh, if you also, the other people that'll get you on that is like European stuff. Yea, European stuff. If you go to like a really high end Italian designer stuff, it is not cut like American stuff.


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[Assistant] I bought a t-shirt from one of those very nice Italian men's clothing companies. I was a 4X. I was a 4X last month. I don't mean like when I was at my fattest. Last month they were like, I was like 4X. They pulled it out and it just felt like a regular, like an American large.


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[Assistant] I don't know. We should mention that we switched our chairs out.


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[Assistant] Does it feel so good to have hair to do this? I'll be honest, I used some of the money we got for the chairs to buy for my hair. Take my hair.


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[Assistant] Makes him sick. I think he's walking through an apartment complex. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of an interesting choice to make it there.


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[Assistant] His neighbors are probably like, oh, there's Kevin again doing one of his vids.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he ended up weighing uhm, over a thousand pounds.


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[Assistant] And he went over to the, he started in the states, he came over, he was like 260.


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[Assistant] Then it came back, 3.30, and then it just went up from there.


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[Assistant] He did have that and he had a real joy about life. He's like, I like to dance. I like to go out and feel good.


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[Assistant] He brushes his hair and he's like, I feel good, I look good today. He had like a really healthy outlook for somebody that shouldn't.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, she parried his bean bag and she was like, he likes to eat and I just have to feed him.


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[Assistant] Forget about those bad feelings. Um, do you remember, I don't know what the story is here, but we saw this lady a little while ago.


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[Assistant] There is a lot going on. If you're listening, that was her introduction video and she has, uh, a couple more than...


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[Assistant] A few missing Toofies, but her Teefuses are not all there.


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[Assistant] But she has like a positive kind of vibe going on.


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[Assistant] I got fascinated by it. And if you went to it, if you go to her Instagram page, um, yeah.


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[Assistant] You know, she's posting more stuff. Uhm, what's the latest post? What's that one right there?


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[Assistant] It just says, wish me luck. Where's she going? Does it say?


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[Assistant] Okay, so go, go to the actual, the page, the GoFundMe part. Yeah, yeah. Confidence. She's looking to get, she's raising money. Okay. Trying to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just stumbled on this, I saw this, and now I'm just super curious. So, we're gonna call her. We have her number here. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did at least get the, uh, right number there, cause that was her phone.


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[Assistant] The basketball season is set to tip off this week. This past off season had plenty of storylines, but nothing compares to the excitement of a new season. So why not add a little fun into the mix? Today's sponsor, DraftKings Sportsbook, is dishing out an awesome offer for all their new customers. All new customers need to do is sign up using promo code MOM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bet $5 on any pre-game money line wager and receive an additional $200 in free bets if your bet cash is plus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The same game parlays, you can combine multiple bets from the same game to give yourself a shot at even bigger winnings all season long. For those in a state where sports betting is not yet available, don't forget about DraftKings Daily Fantasy where they have been innovating even more ways to win some cash this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] basketball season. I am so ready for all the excitement


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of a new NBA season, I want to see some John Moran highlights, which means I just want to direct feed from, uh, wherever the Grizzlies are every game. I want to see the drama happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And golden state. I want to see if the lake show can do anything different. I want to see what's going to go on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, uh, nets this year, whether that's gonna be a real threat or not. Look, there's a lot of storylines. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. New customers use promo code MOM and receive $200 in free bets if their pregame moneyline bet hits after placing a $5 wager. That's promo code MOM only at DraftKings Sportsbook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just curious about, it's funny cause she is, you know, wants to smile and feel calm about her teeth. I just got new hair. I just feel like I have a connection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that things are super, like developed technology, TV is not just like, you used to just like pull a thing. Like now it's, you know, they're like, there's no buttons left on the TV. And you're like, well, how do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Walked up the hill and I realized I didn't need to find a bigger hill, I could just walk up the hill again.


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[Assistant] And then Sean was like, you walk it up, up at like 10, 15 times. And I was like, oh man, that would suck. And he's like, right. That's why you could do it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I will say this, uhm, yeah, that was pretty cool that you discovered that. Another thing that's pretty cool is that Dahmer series on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, but also I got to the episode where he kills a deaf guy, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is kinda cool. It is cool. Uhm.


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[Assistant] You know, I gotta say, he, he was rascally, if you're gonna, like, his whole life. Uhm. Oh boy.


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[Assistant] You know, as a killer, he got one thing so right.


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[Assistant] The shittiest part after you kill somebody is you have to deal with a body.


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[Assistant] And people are always trying to, you know, dispose of bodies. Yeah.


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[Assistant] You know, you got that Shawcroft guy, Green River, what do they do? They dump the body into a river, right? What are you going to do with a body? And the fact that this guy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Had the, the, the forethought and the, the, really the courage to dismember these bodies, dissolve.


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[Assistant] The skin. Then he would put the bones in the oven.


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[Assistant] So they would dry out and then beat them with a hammer so they'd turn into powder.


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[Assistant] So as far as like getting rid of evidence, he was so good at it. The problem was he couldn't part with the fact of like not keeping some sort of trophy.


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[Assistant] So he was, then he started to keep skulls, femurs, genitalia, hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he cut it out of the, of the guy, and he would, uhm, he kept it in the refrigerator, like the last one that they found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When that cop came in, when he, when they came in because the man had, uh, Cleveland I think had returned and said, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knew what he did was horrible though.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the show, people should know this though, as with all compelling, dramatic, good television, it's not 100% accurate, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it's a dramatization, you know, like for instance, you know, Dahmer's neighbor, the one they depict in the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smelling the smell through the wall. She didn't live next door. She lived down the street. It wasn't like that woman was a different, you know.


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[Assistant] No, it's important to know because people can watch a show like this and think that every moment is fact.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you don't want that. It has a lot of facts. No, it does have a lot of facts. But things are drama, you know, it's made to be compelling television. So, it's just one of those things where if you, if you, uh, oh, sorry, the Cleveland Lane was the neighbor. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's Ryan Murphy. He does, you know, I think he did the American Crime Story stuff. Those were all great. The Simpson one, the Versace one. I want to say Netflix gave him $300 million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it's been the number one streaming show on there for a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of- I don't like it. There's a lot of great, uhm, dude bodies in it.


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[Assistant] The craziest thing, by the way, is that when he, uh, he takes that guy, he drugs a guy, and then he wakes up, cause he had drugged himself accidentally too, and he wakes up and he didn't realize that he killed the guy in a blackout, and he's like, oh, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He beat the fuck out of the guy in his blackout. Pretty crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says he must have done it. This is in real life. It's on the show, but it's in real life. He said he must have done it.


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[Assistant] He had memories of all the other ones. And the first one he did claim in real life, as in the show, that it was an accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no. The first time he killed somebody, it was like, he had picked up this hitchhiker and took him home. And there was, he basically was trying to hit on the guy, the guy I don't think was gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucked him up. And then he's like, oh shit. And then he really had to dispose of that body. This was, so this was like a good, oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can do this, you know? It was like, you're capable of more than you think you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and then he started to do it more for fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what else is like really unique? Cause this would have made you throw up. Is that the smell, the smell of decomposing flesh is so, I mean repulsive, repugnant and just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You cannot mistake it. Everybody who is works in like crime scenes, police, they all talk about just how horrifying and how the smell stays with you. It like is burned into you. People who have discovered bodies say the same thing. It's like, you know, we are programmed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] making eggs, la la la la and just be like able to live like that and like something in your brain has to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I don't know that the smell did, but it did make his dick hard to kill people and fuck their body parts. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's wild. He was not your everyday guy.


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[Assistant] Because they really kind of bond you to that, to the deaf character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really, they break you down on that one. Brian Murphy, good job. Yea. You wanna call Kristen back, see what she's up to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oof. What does it say there, the one up to the left there? It says, admitted she was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, speaking of, have you seen the fantastic artwork being done?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, these are, I guess somebody is saying that they're doing Garth Brooks artwork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. Isn't that something? And then if you page through it, wow. Look at that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is really tip top. Uh, that's my favorite one I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bloody chip. It's nice. Very unexpected and upsetting. 10 out of 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very scary. It's genuinely terrifying stuff. And I feel like it's a real peek into that guy's head, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, well me and miss, you were gonna go check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you like to see, uh, art that is just honoring you, uh, artists who are a huge fan of yours. It's just shit like this. Oh my God. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he said in later interviews, he was like, I was having these thoughts at like 14, 15, and he was like, they were so horrifying that I knew I couldn't share them with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cause they would be like, well, why, why, and when, and he was just like, these weren't cooking in me for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he had this real, you know, old school Christian upbringing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just like, you're homosexual?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people were mortified of like, you know, they were like, just look, you need to pray more. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, give a huge congratulations to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This mo- what about Duenito? Uh, dream team. And uh, uh, to Roshutz. Roshutz?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh, oh. We don't know the name of this new guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like she announces them and has them so quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she gave birth to Ilaria Catalina Irina Baldwin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Katalina, Ilaria, I mean Ilaria is like the very, this is all very spickish, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is wild. Also, here's my prediction. This is what I was gonna tell you. My prediction?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think she is a little bit, like, not a little bit, very much addicted


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To making babies. Oh yeaah. And having them and the whole thing and the, like the show that goes with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think she's gonna have no, that poor bastard, he's in his sixties, the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, Alec is getting his, well, is he well into his 60s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think he just settled the lawsuit with the- Did he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, criminally, I know that it, that the, I think the suit was settled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he fucking shot somebody. Killed him. Uhm. Zoinks. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like he's gonna, they're gonna have more kids.


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[Assistant] When his, that one that was just born goes to high school, he will be 82.


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[Assistant] It's so crazy. They fucked that house up so quickly. So bad. And so badly everyday.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's two. That's two kids. Crazy! Two boys.


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[Assistant] There's gotta be a certain point where these kids are all gonna be like, you know, in school and she's gonna be like, holy shit, look how many kids we fucking made. Like she's not registering it, it feels like, right?


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[Assistant] That is wild. It's wild to do it at that age. It is fucking crazy.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. He's still busting nuts though, good for him.


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[Assistant] Some people can just do it, man. Yeah, real quick, right before we go to lunch, let's call, uh,


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[Assistant] We're gonna go have some lunch. We're back with our guests. We are back and we are happy to welcome to re-welcome for the second time the great Steve-O everybody. He's back.


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[Assistant] Oh, thanks man. We were, um, we've been nerding out because we, it took us a while to get like, it's been a while now, but we were telling you, we just saw finally the last Jackass that came out. Is it Jackass forever? I forget what it's called.


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[Assistant] Dude, it is so fucking funny. I forgot how hard I could laugh in a movie. You know, because I, a lot of comedies, like, you know, standard scripted comedies that come out, you're like, yeah, that was alright. Or had funny moments. But you laugh so hard.


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[Assistant] And you had, and you integrated, that was a tough thing, you integrated new people, like, you know, kids in their, I guess, 20s or 30s maybe, but, you know, but the dynamic is like, it really worked.


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[Assistant] By the way, I wanted to ask this. When you're filming, does your, cause you know how like in life if somebody fucks with you, that it's kind of a natural reaction where like you can


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[Assistant] You can go with it, or like, obviously people can react angrily, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like if somebody pranks you in some way. Cause your mind shifts over when you're filming. Cause I remember like, like, one of these, uh, one of the bits or one of the things is you're just leaving your trailer at one point and like, I forget if it was like a football or something just like rockets at you.


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[Assistant] But is that, is that, is that you every day? Or that's you with these dudes in this context?


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[Assistant] Dude, the other bit that I also love that you guys incorporated was you had that, um, one of the new young guys, uh, this black kid and his, and his dad, his dad was like hardcore. Right. That fucking, those, every time you guys incorporated him, it was just.


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[Assistant] It was dark shark, but that was, god damn, that was so funny.


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[Assistant] Dude, the way he introduced his father to, like as a character, I think he says something like, my dad's from the hood, and he doesn't like anything that's not like hood shit.


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[Assistant] Oh really? It was, it was perfect, man. Yeah. So many funny bits. By the way, I just saw, uh, Instagram the other day where Panias breaks a bottle over your head.


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[Assistant] Well, let me ask you this though, because of what you've done and because you actually have this awareness of it, do you find yourself like monitoring your own, you know, like mental capacity and like your, you know,


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[Assistant] You know what the crazy thing is though? Like in football, in the NFL, there are people that have like clear brain damage, right, from playing. Oh yea. And there's guys also who had 10, 12, 15 year careers.


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[Assistant] Who are complete, and you're like how? And it's like because we're all different shells and we're gonna not all respond the same way.


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[Assistant] Sounds like a great gift book too. Somebody could be like, this guy has made a lot of bad choices. I want you to read this. Give it to your kid.


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[Assistant] I don't know, like this is kind of semantics, but it's like being old is different than aging. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Seeing the number tick up, you see people, there's people who are in their 70s and 80s that like live life. There's people who turn 60 and accept that I am going to downshift into the casual pace of like being old and then they just don't really enjoy life anymore. That seems scarier to me.


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[Assistant] Because what Karlin did, if you're, if you're keeping in that line of thinking was, I'll keep creating.


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[Assistant] Well, I want to ask you this, because there's uhm, there's this actual real data that shows that people who do extreme things, and you would fall into that category, have a different baseline


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[Assistant] They have a different baseline, and that actually doesn't re-, doesn't like reset itself. It ha-, you know, it, it becomes a different baseline, right? Like, you're not gonna be as excited by things that you're, most people have. So, what gets you a dopamine hit? Like, what kind of excites you?


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[Assistant] It is so fun to watch somebody do something and, uh, either they should get hurt and they make it and you're like, holy shit, or they do get hurt and you're like, yeah, that was good.


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[Assistant] I saw the kind where you lean forward, not the ball in the middle. Yeah, so that kind, I'm on this flight and I'm sitting next to Omarion, the R&B singer.


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[Assistant] And, he, uhm, he has the flat one though, right? Like yeaah, like that.


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[Assistant] I don't, I don't see it on the flight. When we land, we land at the airport. I'm right behind him. So he goes like this and on the jet bridge, he goes, pulls out from his backpack, puts it out and you just see him go up the jet bridge like that. And I was like, holy shit. And then that dude just went to the airport like that.


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[Assistant] Delta one. Silver medallion. That's their primo.


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[Assistant] Super rad. That's pretty rad. Here's another video we got of somebody just, uh, joshing around, being a goofball.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so I was like, I go, I sense that there's a killer in Milwaukee and then we moved there. And then, uh, yeah, no, they were, so 91 is when we moved to Milwaukee. So that was, believe me, the most dominant story.


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[Assistant] They started, like these Hollywood kids started like robbing homes of celebs and breaking in the cars.


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[Assistant] But he has a history of uhm, of just being in, like doing these for women. So him waking up a guy like this is a new venture.


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[Assistant] Pierce, he has a very creative mind and a body that follows. Like he really can do.


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[Assistant] Yeah, very common. If you talk to anybody that works in ERs, they'll tell you every week, especially in like a major city, like always removing things. I mean you guys, that's one of the fucking best bits ever.


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[Assistant] It can handle a lot of things going in. It's that they get stuck in there and then things have trouble coming out there.


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[Assistant] Okay, well he, uh, he loves anal. He loves talking about it. He does love anal.


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[Assistant] Don't forget, you can get, uh, Stevo's book, A Hard Kick in the Nuts, What I've Learned from a Lifetime of Terrible Decisions. You can get the skateboard that he put out with Wee Man. You can see him all over on tour. And, um, the website to direct everybody to would it be stevo.com? Stevo.com has probably links to everything, right?


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[Assistant] Hey! You just watched a full episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look.


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[Assistant] Christian sites in Israel? Okay. Is that it? Is that it? Alright, let's see.


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[Assistant] Oh, I think this was like, that we played previously in TikToks, the first time that we saw this guy.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, I'm just as grossed out as you are, but, I mean, if this was on mute, I'd be just as grossed out. This is, it's just, he's disgusting. Yeah. Everything about him is disgusting.


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[Assistant] Israelis just refuse to conform to US standards. They're just like, hey, this is, you guys like other cultures and stuff? Here's my culture, look at my dick.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like this isn't a me problem, this is a you problem if you have a problem with this dick.


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[Assistant] We just need to explain what it is, cause otherwise with the blurred it looks like something that you cannot show on YouTube. Oh, okay.


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[Assistant] So you feel. Oh boy. So you see, when you do, when you get it, it's very quick. Two, three times you get it.


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[Assistant] It is really, really sad. Yeah, my heart goes out to that. It's so, it's like, I've been so upset about this story. I know, I know. I don't like it. You quit being a knucklehead, Poutine. Stop it.


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[Assistant] Guess what I did last night? I laid on my Saatva mattress, my Solaire, and I, mmm, I put the head up, I put the feet up, and I turn on the vibration, bzzz, and I watch my favorite teen shows and I love it. It's just, it's heaven. It relaxes me and it gets me ready for the best night of sleep ever. I love my Saatva mattresses. I have the Lumenleaf.


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[Assistant] Uh, we have the luxury firm king size and now the soleil I sleep on every night. You really can't ask for better quality for the best.


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[Assistant] Why? They don't have stores. They don't have physical stores. They don't have to pay salespeople. It's just so easy. You order it online, they contact you, boom, set up delivery, and I promise you, people ask me all the time, Christina, is it true? Do you really love Safa? Yes. I ordered their mattress about a decade ago, and I called them.


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[Assistant] To, to have them sponsor the show, that's how much I love them. So, go to sodfa.com slash the shit for $200 off your next mattress. sodfa.com slash the shit.


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[Assistant] Those are our worded listeners and also they probably gaslight their spouses as well. They're probably sharing Charles logic.


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[Assistant] Oh, I know. I don't read comments for that reason, cause it's just like, you realize, you know, Dr. Drew put it, explained it to me one time that, are you listening?