[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One on one conversations. A few weeks ago, I had Jose Andres on, uh, he's one of the best chefs in the entire world. Who's also one of the most charitable, like giving people that I've ever met in my life. He has world central kitchen, which goes to places and you know, feeds like when there's an earthquake or a hurricane feeds the people of that community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just an amazing guy and amazing conversation with him. And I've had, you know, Dion Sanders on and Tony Ethan Suppley on, which was a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crazy, like amazing conversation about weight loss and, and like, you know, body image stuff. It was, it was great. So I'm having, uh, I'm doing those podcasts. You can subscribe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anywhere you listen to podcasts, but if you want to watch them, they're on my YouTube channel, not the Why I Made YouTube channel. So you just go to YouTube and Tom Segura and you'll see Tom talks. I'm doing it twice a month right now. Every other Thursday I do it. And then I do the Spanish ones on the other weeks, but please give it a shot. Check it out. It really is one of the most fun things that I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the thing that everybody had like when you started out, was I look like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's like first few years they have one of those. I never had one. I never had one. You never did? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, so this is from 599. If you missed it, I'll just refresh you here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know what it is, but it looks like a bee attack. And then, uh, this week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Rob Eyler when he sat in, and during that clip, I'm gonna play it here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says that somebody should make music to it. Jesse Lucas I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watches that clip and obliges the request.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Alright. We got this email. It says, Hey Jeans, I recently brought my girlfriend into the mommy world and I was bringing her up to speed with all the different cool guys. Eventually we got to the sexiest man in the state of Utah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the one and only Tommy Johns. We were watching YouTube clips and she blew my dick off when she informed me that she in fact went on a date with Tony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said Tommy, right? Tony Johns. Went on a date with Tony back in the summer of 2018. She met him for lunch, which he showed up, uhm, a couple six packs deep into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throughout the date, she was not able to get in a single word due to his constant rambling about how he is the best looking man in the state and how he has never met a better looking Italian young buck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After lunch, he made an attempt to get in them jeans, which he promptly shut down. She's been keeping them extra high and tight ever since. Huge mommies over here in Utah, erection achieved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean we should reach out about this. I'd love to hear more about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta be ready to go. Locked and loaded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, that guy is like, I'm rubbing it on the outside and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, we will take a short break and we'll be back with our guest in a moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are supported by ExpressVPN. I know that none of you watch porn. Me neither.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But just in case you have any friends that do, you'll want to pay attention to this.


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[Assistant] Everything going on around the world, governments have increased their surveillance. They're using your device to track your location, movements, and in many countries, your internet activity.


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[Assistant] You don't want to be literally caught with your pants down and one of the best ways to keep your online browsing activity private


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[Assistant] I started using Express VPN as soon as they came on board and I was informed of what they do, which is you can hide your location, your IP address, no one has to know who you are and what you're looking at and I usually look at very


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Historically accurate, important things, but sometimes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like some of you and your friends all end up on Pornhub and for other studies. So that's why I use ExpressVPN whenever I go online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so to protect your privacy today and get three months of ExpressVPN for free, visit expressvpn.com slash your mom. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] vpn.com slash your mom for three months free, a one year package. Visit express vpn.com slash your mom to learn more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I had a similar experience. I was in bed like, the fuck are you listening to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know somebody that we became absolutely fascinated by from TikTok and it would be great to have you weigh in on some of this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This reminds me of a straight, uh, a straight male relationship coach for women. Like the guy, but he's single and he's like, I just coach women. You know, to get, and then you're like, do you happen to bang them sometimes? I mean, we connect. I don't know. I'm not trying to. We call it a connection. I think you're just doing this whole thing to get laid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a, I had a, I had a gay boss who tried to pitch me on hooking up with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does suck though if, if like what he wants to do is be gay. And he's not. Right. I mean, that sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to school with a guy who was not comfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went on to another school and I met friends of his at the other school who were like, Oh yeah. And they just had more stories about him. I was like, Oh, he's gay and he's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 25 years ago or something, somebody says they're gay, everybody would be like, Jesus, you're gay? Yea, it was still a big deal. Like now, they're like, oh that's pretty cool. Well yea. Like, fucking, you should put that on your bio. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, so first of all, this is like peak Tom. I'm like 21. Hot. Yea, I'm looking alright. And he was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, he was so transparent. First of all, he's very flamboyant and he hears me talking to somebody as I'm an intern at this production company and he goes, you know, I'm actually looking for an intern. I was like, oh really? And then he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He kept referring to me as a hot Cuban. He was like, you're this hot Cuban. I'm not Cuban. Didn't matter how many times I told him. He'd be like, I got this cute hot Cuban guy that I was like, all right, man. And then one time I had gone on a date and I was like, I brought up like that. This chick was annoying. He was like, that's why you got to get with guys. And I was like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like, I mean, we would have production meetings and we used to laugh about how


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking about, like, shots. You know, how we're gonna shoot this scene, right? This production stuff. And he'd be like, you know, we want like a sexy shot of like a door shutting, and we would always be like, how is it sexy? It's just a door. Everything had to be sexy. So he was like, and then we'll have like a sexy swoop in, and then like a sexy car will come by. We're like, is there anything not sexy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then one time he was like, he goes, that's what I'm telling you man, like if you, uh, if you're with a guy, it's like, you know, I'll watch the game and suck your dick while you drink a beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's what I'm saying, like, if you wanna talk me into it, that's what I'm, that's what I wanna be talked into, is like, we were looking at-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now if that guy had been like, you wanna watch the game and I'll suck your dick while you drink a beer, I'd be like, alright man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now, this one right here, I'd be like, you know, you know, you might not know this, Zach, but a lot of straight guys, there's a stigma and I don't fucking understand why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Retreats. Or even 57 year old Brad Pitt. He could get it too. Oh really? I mean come on, the guy still looks fucking amazing. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not gonna be working out. He's gonna be shooting like 16 hour days. Yeaah, he's not, he's gonna be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This whole thing seems hilarious to me because I can tell you, like, once you're, I mean, if you're straight and you, like, are so aroused by women, you never are like, man, I wonder if guys will do it for me too. It just never occurs to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really, that's the thing is that because they're so vain because they're like pursuing other guys, you know, they take care of themselves. Whereas like straight guys are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a guy at that gym, one guy in particular, who, I put it together after a while, that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are supported by Policy Genius. It's May and things are blooming. Why not see if your home and auto insurance savings can bloom too? We're almost halfway through with the year. Head into June with one less thing to worry about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to policygenius.com, answer those few quick questions, and let the process take place. And if you find a better rate, there's no better time to do it than right now. Head to policygenius.com to get started right now. Policygenius, when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. I gotta tell you, I, I'll tell you this, I pretty much have, and I swear to you, a non-judgment point of view on kinks across the board, you tell me what you're into, I'm like, that's cool, like, I'm like, whatever man, does that make you happy? Not at shit. I'm like, you're fucked up man, you are fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fissing, I just go, I understand that I'm with you, that might be pleasurable to some, but even visually, I can't take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever get, uhm, did it ever come on your radar when we played RPC, Robert Paul Champagne? Like, he's our number one top tier gang. Maybe? Here's what he was, like when he first came on the scene for this video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After like a year, we ended up connecting with him and he's been on the show multiple times and one of the things he said is he's like, these new gays fucking suck. He's like, I miss the old days. He's like, when guys, he said, today the guys are too mushy and lovey-dovey. He's like, where are those guys that just come over and fuck the shit out of you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, let's take a look at, so we play this game sometimes called Horrible or Hilarious. Okay. And we just show you a video and you tell us whether it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on. What happens? He's walking up to like a shed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause you don't have to fall that far. Yeah, no. You know? I'll tell ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a really small wallet, but I mean, he's, he's, he's definitely. That's a big guy though. He's like three bills. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, because you mentioned, as soon as you got here, that you, uh, pay homage to the Church of Christina and TikToks, we thought we would play some TikToks for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's haters. There's a big time Mickey D haters. Alright. Uh, as always, I don't know what's in this. These are just from Christina's curations. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it is a thing to, and I think I, I observe it, maybe because I hear her all the time, you know, I hear her just all the time making observations more about women, but I'm, I'm almost stunned when I see women, women, with particularly bad haircuts, where I'm like, has no one fucking said something to you? Here's the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, your mom's an icon. Thank you. Yes. This involves her. So my dad who's like, he's like, you know, such a middle America white guy and he's married to this Latina lunatic. And uh, they come over where, where it's like 2012.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're living in, in Silver Lake and we live on Hyperion. So you can walk down like MJ's, uh, say cheese, TJ's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they had, yea, and there's the Trader Joe's and the- So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom comes down and she's like, I need to get the haircut. And I think you say like, I know where to take you. Allen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She did. So I just wanted to go here. So she walks down Hyperion and she gets her hair cut by a like a butchie lesbian woman who puts


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not it. So I'm just at home with my dad and then, I don't know, hour and a half later, we see them walking up the driveway. I don't even see it. I'm just sitting there and my dad, all of a sudden he goes, oh shit. And I go, what? He's like, your mom, she looks like a gay guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go, what? It turned out cause the lady had given her like a spiky- The spiky- The spiky- Yeah, I was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She got it because she couldn't wait for Alan. Like, she could have waited for like the guy who knows what's up. Yea, Beverly Hills. Yea. But she was like, no, I gotta go now. Okay, here we go. How many inches did they take off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta say it with a little more confidence. Yeaah. Like that could have actually been like a somewhat amusing dad joke. Yeaah. It got stuck in my stiff throat. Like if he would have put a little more punch into it. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tug of my, I tug of my, like, dude, let me project a little bit, like, he's, he's definitely-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For school. Or maybe he's just like, you know, dogs and cats are played out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For those listening, he is answering the question, can you sleep with my wife? And he said, you are not the first to ask me, but you are the first that I will deny. Like you are not worthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I like it. Yeaah, yeaah. It's time to teach this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. This is like, you know, this might be like day six of a binge. You know what I mean? Of a binge? Or withdrawal maybe? I don't think she's withdrawn. I think she's going all in on that. And the weird thing is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weird thing? Well, to me, is it like, you see the look, the makeup, the behavior, and I'm still completely attracted to her. Oh wow! I wanna be with her, you know? I'm super turned on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on in for our delusional special. Uhm, Justin Martindale, listen to Glitter and Garbage. You can rate, review, and subscribe. Uhm, and you're gonna be anywhere coming up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I gonna be on the streets if I take one of these? Just addicted?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, if you missed YMH Live 6, you can watch it now. Go to ymhstudios.com slash rentals is the wildest show we've ever done with a huge live audience. I hope you enjoy it. Check it out now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Saatva. Go to Saatva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash The Shit and get $200 off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, guess what? It is your mom's house podcast. She's Christine, I'm Todd, and I gotta tell you, this is the last Pomcast ever from the studio. I know, that's our last one. This was once the studio that the great McDonald's corporation funded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, after, uh, you know, let's say a not so happy meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we met the good people at Morton's and, uhm, they funded the current space you see. And now we're going off to, uhm, real steak country to, uh, a Texas studio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That as of the release of this episode will probably still not be done yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so that'll be a thing, uhm, and we can't wait for the special sauce of that studio to be ready to digest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's the thing, I'm not saying it's not good, not good for you. Like eating chick play every day. Well, it's debatable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's the thing. My ankle's perfect. I'm willing to lose a few years. That's what I'm saying. And that's, that's what I think one of the slogans of Chick-fil-A should be. Eat this every day if you're willing to lose a few years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think most of us go, I am. And it doesn't bother me that, you know, they're not pro civil rights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're like, hey man, do you love gay people? I'm like, sure. And they're like, do you love chicken? I'd be like, yeah. Which do you have to side with? I'm like, how hungry am I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Like. Well. Yep. That's exactly what they told us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm like super hungry, I'd be like, I don't know man, you know, San Francisco, what more do you need? You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happened here, where we actually, we actually found out who RPC was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We made the call from this very chair


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most brilliant president ever happened during our time here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We haven't talked about what we're gonna do with the actual set. What do we do with this? With this set? Yea, with the set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean? Like what are we going to actually do with it? They're going to tell us like, hey, get this shit out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, just, you know, just the memories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, amazing. Yeah, so many things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything changed here. The fact that we kept doing the show during, what was it once, just like the terrifying pandemic that happened here. Didn't we meet Zolo here too? Yeaah. Yeaah, Zolo started here. Started here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Annie? I wish I had a good, oh yea. Sweatin' like a, like a black man. Met him here. Uh. Larson?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't send me clit pics. I don't, but do send them to Chris Larson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like it? You know I couldn't help think of when I saw this clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was saying, you're number one. Fuck you, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start giving cops the thumbs up and just see what happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds like some real fucking schizo shit to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't even know where the, the face ends and the neck and the shoulders start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we were just talking about people being mean to us, and look what you just did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to worry about more than that finger getting up. You need to stand up. Kinda move around a little more, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You talking about shit like just like bats, you know, fucking Dracula. Nope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] JC don't like that, so we don't put it in. Yeah, I did. I was like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, cause I, yeah, I got my glasses on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you play a double move and dress up like a rabbi and you're like, haha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, get it guys, cause like they look funny and they got the hair. Yeah, yeah, until one of those. Yeah, yeah. I'm making fun of them. Exactly, and then they all, they're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we'll be like, yeaah, and then we'll just, that way you'll see who's really like, on board and who isn't, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man. Yeah, so many great memories here. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before I forget, uhm, you asked me to pull this up during the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a few, like a month or so ago, I don't know, two months ago, I did, uh, Mohegan Sun Arena in, uh, Connecticut. And it was really fun. Fucking amazing night. Um, and they had me do this like promo pic, uh, backstage, you know, in the, in the tunnels there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The real truth? I was very excited. I was very excited that whole day and that whole- I really was. This is one of fucking four- like, they had me take pictures with the guy that books the place, the Live Nation guy, they brought in Andrew the agent, they brought- like, it was like, then they're like, now do it alone, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I, you know, they're like, sign these things, like it was just like a bunch of PR stuff. And that was probably the last picture where I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it has changed. Honestly, it has changed since I've been injured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get more emotional. I get more excited, I get more down, I feel more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think it's directly correlated to being traum-traumatically injured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeah, and also the experience of, like, interacting with your kids can, you know, it can change a whole day, like a moment with your kids can. Oh yeah. So it totally opens you up. Yeah. Yeah. They're amazing. Children are amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. The suffering is what kinda leads you there. This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't feel like the dental cleaning process is done unless there is mouthwash involved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you use mouth, I mean, when you use it, I mean, if you're gonna go out on a date, if you have a big interview, just to get your day started, if you're going to interact with other human beings,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mouthwash should be a part of it. You guys know Quip, the makers of the electric toothbrush and floss you hear us talk about all the time. Well they've launched a new mouthwash to help you complete your clean process. Plus it comes with a refillable dispenser that's delightful to use and sleek enough to fit on any bathroom counter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quip Mouthwash kills bad breath germs, helps prevent cavities, and leaves you feeling fresh thanks to a formula that gives your mouth everything it needs and nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't. Their four times concentrate has fluoride, xylitol and CPC, but they left out the artificial flavors and stinging alcohol you'll find in a lot of other rinses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go to getquip.com slash mom five right now you get five dollars off a mouthwash starter kit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's five dollars off a mouthwash starter kit, which includes a refillable dispenser and a 90 dose supply of Quip's four time concentrated formula at getquip.com slash mom five. Spell G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash mom five. Quip, the Good Habits Company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, another huge thing that, it's not gonna end because we're moving to Texas, but it's always been a regular practice of this show, uhm, to find some way to make fun of my best friend, uh, Bortner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is no end to the amount of people that can't say his name. Do you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever happened to like, remember he got like arrested or they broke into his fucking house?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best one, this is my favorite one. So Burt just did season 2 of Go Big Show. Uhm, this season Snoop Dogg was replaced by T-Pain. T-Pain actually, like, befriended Burt. Like they hung out and like, you know, they taped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, a whole season of shows. We spent like a month together in Macon, Georgia. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he definitely knows Bert. He knows him. Yea, he knows him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're up to like fucking 25 flubs of his name now. It's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Krishna's the best. But Krishna's great, yeaah. Stupid. Uhm, god, oh, you know you have your, uhm, you've been talking about, cause you're gonna shoot a special at some point, and, you know, I'm still, I'm still encouraging, uh, touch my camera through the fence, I think it's a perfect name for a special. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't say for girls, I mean it's perfect, you're a mother, you're a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my dad boner moment. There's a car wash dad boner. You wanna see him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Car washes are exciting, but the problem is I have too nice of cars to take them to a car wash. Oh my god. So if I had like a more modest car, I would go to a car wash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think I drive a fuckin' Corolla? Now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is pretty exciting. HorribleHilarious was born here. Yes. I have been so excited to show native.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one. Please put the camera on native. Please cue him up. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, and I'm not necessarily saying this guy tears his ACL, but I'm just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be, you might say, actually, it's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was just that he fell and he didn't know how to jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But didn't your crazy ass tell me that you just walked on it and didn't do anything for a while?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And right here he should be, his ass should be going lower. And, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he just tore every ligament that he has in his knee. God. Well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget, like, I'll forget how damaged mine is. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll just be something simple where I'll like just hop up a couple stairs. I'll be like, Oh, this leg's not even stable yet. Like my left leg, you know, cause my, my quad's not back yet. Like it's still on its way. And I'll be like, Oh yeah, I can't even fucking do this. This is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, sometimes, like, this happened too before injury, like, you know, sometimes your leg would just go like, uh, like, you know, like, your knee, but now it'll be like a full, like, oh my god, it's just kinda, it's had enough for the day, and it's like, hey man, enough, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's just that muscle atrophy, you know, it takes a while. It's a big, it's a huge four muscles coming together. You know, you compare the two, it's like, it's night and day. But it is, it has been growing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes a while. They said it takes a full year. I think it's gonna be longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are insane. Those are amazing. Those are not banned yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Between 2002 and 2011, more than a million people landed in emergency rooms with injuries related to trampoline use. Almost 300,000 of the injuries include broken bones. At least. And there's seven terrifying statistics about trampoline safety. Let's hit that real quick. Fuck. Right there, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, children under 16 suffer nearly 93% of fractures related to trampolines. Oh my god. Three quarters of trampoline injuries happen to, uh, as, what? Three quarters of trampoline injuries happen as more than one person jumps. Oh, okay. So there's two of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Among trampoline injuries treated in emergency rooms, 4% result in a hospital state. My goodness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a lot. Okay, uhm, well, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back with our guest in just a moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is brought to you by Whoop, the personalized digital fitness and health coach. You guys see, I have it on. I'm so happy to have my Whoop on. You monitor your recovery, your sleep, your training, your health with personalized recommendations, coaching feedback with Whoop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's incredible what this thing does. It is like a, a, a stock portfolio and your body is all, everything that's being held.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are the stocks and bonds and mutual funds and this thing is telling you exactly what's happening in real time. I love that you can input how your day may have affected you with stress, maybe you had a couple drinks, maybe you didn't sleep that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's keeping up telling you it's time to get some rest. It's time to push yourself harder. Now they have the all new 4.0 which is smaller, smarter, and designed with new biometric tracking including skin temperature, blood oxygen, and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For any members, if you have 6 months left of membership on your account, you can upgrade now and get the 4.0 for free. Right now, Whoop is offering 15% off when you use the code MOM at checkout. Go to Whoop, W-H-O-O-P dot com, enter M-O-M at checkout and save 15%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are super excited, and I haven't been doing anything creepy online, so it's fine. He's here to have the great noted journalist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing is as exciting to people as watching a chomo get caught, and uhm, you are their worst nightmare. When they see you, it's like, oh fuck. When you go, just have a seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says it's in the transcripts of the police report. Oh my god. I can imagine that, of course, committing a crime and getting caught is terrible, right, when the police, but it probably, when you're like, oh, this could be broadcast on television. All over the world. And then rebroadcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, because like, I mean, it really caught fire, you know, like the origin- like the idea, you pitched it originally as a segment, like just like a one-off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did this like, because, I mean, obviously, you know, you're a journalist and you've investigated and read about and are aware of, you know, obviously there's a lot of bad people in the world, but did it totally open your eyes to Elaine? You're like, wow, I didn't realize it was like this? Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, uhm, cause I remember, I remember obviously the show like exploding. Was it, uhm, apparent immediately that you had more than a segment in a show? Like, was the feedback so crazy when it, when that first one aired?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, it's funny cause you bring up that it's a service, cause I remember it, so I worked for America's Most Wanted, that was one of my first jobs, and I remember when they pulled the plug on the show, and the public backlash made them bring the show back for another like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and the thing is, you know, it was like, like yours, you know, it's satisfying, but it also,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that show in particular, uhm, if you look at the stats, it was responsible for catching a lot of fugitives. Oh! A lot. Thousands, I would guess. Yea, it's almost one of those things where you go, why isn't this a state sponsored show that never ends?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I just had a flat cause I remember watching an episode, I don't know how many years ago, where I believe you, a guy showed up, and I don't remember if he went to jail or whatever, but it was like the next day, somebody was like, meet me at McDonald's or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have a theory on, cause there's actually like people, you know, think about this and discuss this when they watch a show like that or just the conversation, the topic at hand. Do you have a theory about whether somebody like that or somebody that's pursuing that is like, you know, redeemable? Like can, can, can they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other moment I always think about is uhm, it was really, it's really interesting to watch the moment of when you want, walk out and uhm, how,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like willing to listen. Some people are when you go have a seat and they're like, so they sit down like the ones who are like, yep, I'm sitting down. Like they are. It's like, yeah, it's almost like a, you're a journalist, but they're treating it like a judge just said, sit down, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's wild the way, I mean, I don't know if it's just the wiring of our drives that is so different, where like men, you know, put out messages, like guys do stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well also, it's like, it's so different, like a man seeing a woman's naked body, it is different I think, you know, like for you to be like, oh, sweet balls, you know, like it's just, it doesn't, it doesn't translate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More cool shit going on, you know? We're just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I thought about it in that, you know, all of us make mistakes, right? But you are present for what is a lot of people's most critical life mistake. Like the moment where they're like, I just fucked up my life. You've been there for more of those than anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. And, and probably like, the fucked up thing is you're that con artist, and you still are like, you, you feel legitimately upset that somebody fucked up your con. You're like, damn dude. Yeah, cause it's an industry. Yeah, I worked really hard to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, she got into it. It's so sad. Like uhm, I saw another thing where they're showing like how intricate some of these cons are with uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think is the fascinant, cause I'm one of the, like, I'm a Dateline fan, and I'm a fan of that type of journalism, and of, you know, bios, crime shows in general, and obviously it's a huge genre, uh, but what do you think is the appeal to, to like, to human beings,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and also I think part of it is what you said about when you said the common denominator is that it could be anyone. It's that we go like, who is capable of X number of crimes? And then you always learn that it, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the point. Bundy wasn't a bad guy. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's, cause we were talking about that, how everybody's gone like, I could fucking kill this guy right now. You know what I mean? Right. You say it, but you don't mean it. But even in your most, like, you know, your most rageful moments, there's something inside of you that just stops you, right, from acting on it. And then there's that segment of the population.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when that original, when the wife and son were found dead, the police were like, don't, you know, this wasn't, don't, they didn't even like, point to him in any way. No, and I'm not talking about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is so important, maybe now more than ever, to get out of the house and enjoy the outdoors. There's a great way to do that. You know what it is? A rad power bike. I love the name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ever wondered what was so exciting about an electric bike? You guys have heard me talk about them for a while. Why people rave about them. Have you ever zoomed up a hill on a bike with a smile? Well now you can find out!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, I'm geeked out on an e-bike. Rad Power Bikes was voted best affordable electric bike in five categories by ElectricBikeReview.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's a great way to get outdoors, zoom up the steepest hills without getting too hot or sweaty. Lots of fun with up to five levels of assisted hill climbing power. You can even ride up to 20 miles an hour without pedaling at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to get the best ride without getting too sweaty. Rad Power Bikes are affordable. Most e-bikes are in the $3000 range. Rad Power Bikes start at just $999. Most are under $1500.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this thing man. Right now, for a limited time, Rad Power Bikes is offering flexible financing for as low.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As zero percent APR plus free shipping. Bikes are going super fast. Make sure you get your order right away. Text house to 64,000 today and get free shipping. That's the word house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To 64,000. Text house to 64,000. Terms apply. Available at radpowerbikes.com slash terms. Again, text house to 64,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have cases that you look back on that are, uhm, either your favorite in what the story revealed or that still keep you up wondering, that you don't have closure on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That case is so, I mean, it's fascinating. On so many, it's twisted on so many levels, but uhm, do you, uh, when you look at that case now, do you have still questions, suspicions about everybody that interacted with him? Well yea, because you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you had Michael Bodden, uh, saying that for, like in his forensic analysis, that it was much more consistent with homicide or as he says, homicide. Yeah, that's how he says it. So weird. Um, but, uh, but you know, he's one of the most prominent, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a lot of people don't know about him. Yeaah, so. We covered him. We covered him one time because we consider him to be a cool guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like that after watching, uh, part one of that, Michael Jackson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and had Niagara just be like, yea, you know, you can have a couple more yards of the driveway if you want. Yea, or stop, stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe it was like a big sign at Winnipeg airport. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Winnipeg airport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, see it was like that thing. He welcomes you to Winnipeg. Welcome to Winnipeg, yea. Yea, and he looks like. Look at the muscles. Looks like the TRT is fucking kicking in for Pete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fedsmoker is a guy who, he wishes he were you. He wishes he was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He claimed that he would smoke out, um, like bad cops. Yeah, yeah, but like self-made, if you will. And then he used to carry around a pouch that said, baby raper on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a stamp inside and he would say basically like, you're gonna get the stamp on your forehead. And he would basically, he claimed that he had put away bad cops and discovered ones who were, uhm, chomos. And this is him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've seen some of this, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what I ended up learning about him, cause he put out many, many videos. A lot of them are kind of hard to, uh, understand. Uhm, but he was really into meth. And one thing we learned, uhm, through Dr. Drupinski is that he found, he said consistently you find


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People on cocaine run from the police and people on meth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go towards them. So we found that this guy, anytime he encountered somebody with a badge, uhm, he just immediately made a beeline and he would start interrogating police officers on camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like sometimes like filling up at a gas station. For no reason. And he was like, are you, are you a, he would call cops like, are you a baby raper cop? And they'd be like, what the fuck? But in his mind,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, he was serving justice. You know, he did this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just filled up his car. Yea, yea, yea. And he's patient. Yep. Sweet. I mean you can see his, um, this is a city council meeting. There's the pouch. He carries that around. And that's his eyeglass can. And then he has like multiple


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recordings, and then these people are just like trying to conduct. Where is he based? He was based in the, um, outside Phoenix. He, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you feel about stamps? You think we should stamp the guys? I kinda like that as punishment. Like if you actually are con- if you show up where you think a child's gonna be, I think you should have some type of scarlet letter. I like that idea. I do too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I think that'd be great. Or a public castration or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's over depressing. Can I ask you of all the, like, cause you covered Unabomber and, um, Columbine. Um, when you look back on that, I mean, obviously those are all huge significant stories. Do you, do you have one that, that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has left such an impact on you that you know, you sometimes wake up and think about of those like, of those world stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you uhm, look back, maybe in general, but even specifically to 9-11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What it, what, how do you feel about conspiracy theories? You know, because obviously the 9-11 ones are, some of them are very well known, but now with the age of information that we're in, there are conspiracy theories on everything. And then you're somebody that, you know, reports what you think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that works. Uh, Chris Hansen, thank you very much for stopping by. Thanks guys, it was really a treat. Thank you for having me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi, thank you for watching that episode of Your Mom's House. I really appreciate it. If you want to see more, you can click on any of these videos in this general area. And also, if you haven't subscribed, please do. It helps feed our cats. Don't have any cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's a millionaire, you can't help. She's got a nice pad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not Burt. No. That's just that kids didn't slow him down one beat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me see if I can. Dr. Drew, telling people when to poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, this I haven't. What's this? Oh, those are bugs. Oh man. Got them nicely seasoned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Question to all the single ladies, does your finger feel naked or does your down below, does your kitty feel naked? I just want to know. Ha ha, funny. I would like to know too. Or comment. Thank you!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, we got a bunch of new merch right now. Go to store.ymhstudios.com and get that hot new gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva. Our good friends at Satva do this right. Mattresses man, there's no way you can get through your life or you shouldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sleep on a high quality mattress. It'll change the way you sleep, which will change the way you live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've slept on all of them. The Saat Le Luxury Firm Mattress, the Memory Foam Lumen Leaf Mattress, and also the Solaire that moves up and the legs go up, it sits up for you, it vibrates. It's incredible. This is incredible product, environmentally friendly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely incredible, uh, customer support, where if you buy a mattress, they come set it up, they do mattress takeaway service, they get rid of your old one, it's all there. Saatva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit, and get two hundred dollars off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are supported by Stamps.com. You need to be saving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop wasting time going to the post office and go to stamps.com instead. There's no risk. With our promo code MOM you get a special offer that includes a 4 week trial plus free postage and a digital sale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in mom. That's stamps.com. Use the promo code mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shady Ray's. Shady Ray's never understood why sunglasses were so expensive. So that's why they set out to change it. Shady Ray's is an independent sunglasses company. They do things their own way, something that is very rare in this industry. If you go look at most designer sunglasses, they are so extraordinarily overpriced. Shady Ray's gives you premium


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And broken replacements. If you lose or break your shades one day, they just tell you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell them, they'll send you a new pair, no questions asked. On top of that, they also fight hunger. Shady Rays has provided 10 meals to fight hunger in America with every order placed and have donated over 15 million meals to date. Change the way you wear sunglasses and give Shady Rays a risk-free shot. We think you're going to love them. If they're not for you, you can return them for free anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is running their deepest deal of the season. Use the code HOUSE for 50% off two or more pairs at ShadyRays.com. Buy one, get one free. You can get two pairs for $48. Redeem only at ShadyRays.com where you can find all their newest and best shades.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what's going on? It's Summer Dad. Tea Buns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool, you know, summer dads, we're still out there doing our thing and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You like that? You like flowers? Why are you barking? Okay, chill out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I tried to tell, uh, Nate Bargazzi was here a while ago. I was like, punch her in the head, you know, but he didn't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm Summer Dad, but you're definitely Slavic Mom right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of season, yea, I mean having the three stripes fucking jacket in the summer, the whole outfit, you got the tracksuit on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Summer is the worst when you're fat. It's like, everybody right now who's fat and listening or watching is going like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, you're just not, you're not built for summer. See? Jesus. Is that upsetting you too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree, I agree. I like people to know. It's a she.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that before and I was like, uhm, is that a bit? You just noticed that? No, I've seen it. I'm just wondering like how long you're leaving it up there for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your pronouns are thons, purrs. Thons. Thons, purrs, fair, and x, y, r. Mmhm. Zur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Well look, I'm not, I'm very happy for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll, I'll do like a summer slip on, you know, like a summer. Like a host lie. Like a, like a, no, no, no. I mean like a, it's closed. Like the shoes I had on in, in West Palm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'll do that for the summer, something like that, but I don't really do flip flops. Those are so gross. No, those are gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The leather's not good. I would do like more of a canvas, you know, cloth kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm gonna cue more. I mean, I live in barbecue country now. You're, you're, you're in BBQ country now. In, uh, TX, so. You got smokin' meats. Do all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Depends on the meat I got. I mean, I got a new, uh, you know, real barbecue heavy neighbor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes you do. So, I'm going to be hitting him up with recipes and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you're right, but I mean, a lot of, a lot of grocery stores have a pharmacy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm ready for it. I'm ready for this whole hook'em lifestyle. Alright, let's get this show started. You ready? Here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, uhm, and also, but what I'm really like fascinated by here is what's going on in the face, right? Because the last thing that we saw of him that we played was this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's only a few months ago, discussing the president-elect inauguration. That was in January. End of January. And uhm, you know, the beer, it's like, scruff, but it's dark. Like, it's dark. It's brown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The face is different, but why, why is it Scruff and it's all gray? Is, cause at first I was like, you can't dye Scruff, can you? Apparently you can. But what if they're just painting on Scruff? Like what if they're painting on Scruff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's lost weight. I think G's lost weight, but what I want to know G is, did you paint on your scruff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what to do. Ask G. How did you paint your scruff line before? Why are you painting it gray now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and then she has a T-Y on her hoodie. In the middle there, in the middle of that paw. That's a T-Y. Trish Yearwood. Yea, they're really big on just using the first letter of a word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, G looks like, first of all, what a strange choice for a photograph. But, and then, what does it say there? What's it say under his thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have G stuff on our site, by the way, if you want to get into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our G stuff. Go to store.yhmastudios.com. There's a whole bunch of merch up there, but we've been leaned into some G stuff, just in case you're wondering. Now go back to his Instagram, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the left side. That is not Trisha real. One down. That one. I mean look at that. That's not that long ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's freaking me out. There's so many secrets. You mean to tell me that you do this, but you don't know where the bodies are?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when the makeup lady was on her way out. He's like, you know how fucking stupid I look in that picture? It ain't even all dark!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the comments talking about home here now and coming up and mate, the fuck does that even mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe it's just not a real interactive fanbase. Weird, yeah. It's almost like other people who are less famous have more active fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of the most terrifying images I've ever seen in my life. This right here, this guy's about to cut you in half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, we could just take the photo and put it out and then just let them do what they do. And we'll just release an image of me doing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, more about his next city to conquer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, uh, he just, dude, a couple of weeks ago, he announced, um, a tour, some dates, stadium. Like in 20 minutes, a stadium was gone. I believe it. Stadium. 80,000 people, boop, gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a story of Tricia Yearwood being like, this marriage is fucking hard. And I've wanted to walk away. Like, you know what I mean? That was a, like a public story. That's right. It wasn't that long ago that she said this. And then you're like, oh yeah, but, but your social media is all like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but in this interview, yeaah, it was with Us Weekly, Us Weekly, she said that their 15 year marriage can be difficult at times, they're both strong minded, uhm, we're both very independent people who run our own ships, sometimes when two people are driving two big ships, it can be difficult. Which is obviously meant, like that's honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks completely different right there. So different. Like completely different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a G double that we don't know about? G double. He would be, he's famous enough and rich enough to be like, there's sometimes I don't feel like going out there, I send in my G double.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I call him G2, G Squared. He looks just like me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like there's dictators that like, you know what I mean, like Mussolini had like a body double send out. Did he really? Yea, like a few of them have done that because they were, uh, uh, uh, uh, Hussein had a body double because they were always paranoid about being assassinated. So they would send out people that looked like just like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that supposed to be like a play on word, like we must ask you? It is. We must ask you to enjoy the show. And he's saying we must ask you. Yeah. Is it a typo or is it like playful?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is something I've been wanting to show you though. It's just the lamest. I got something for you. Yeah. So you remember how fun it was to learn about this guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Cobra Tate. Cobra Tate. And he has put out hit after hit. I'm super big fan of this guy. I love this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all that memory's got, one about drinking water, coronavirus. He's been, he did, he even did videos about us doing a video on him. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so this, this is, he appeared on another show and, uh, this has been posted on Instagram and TikTok. It's just pretty, it really made me laugh, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First I would like to point out that we are both wearing cool summer shirts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, it's a tight shirt. I mean that's what you do is putting it out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's huge. And I think that the cobra goes down his arm. It's like, it's a lot. He might be eating, the cobra might be eating, you know? I also think that uhm, so what do you, first of all, what do you think of his request? He's like, he makes her bring him two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's uhm, I feel like he's doing, like this example is, this is what I'm asking for, are you gonna do it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay? Your attitude's all wrong, and I think he would tell you that immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he have a point? Does he have any point with the fact that he would risk his life to defend you and all he's asking for is another cup of coffee? Is there a point there? Do you enjoy the point? Do you get the point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you can't, what are you gonna do, wait till somebody breaks in and be like, are you gonna do it or not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I understand that you don't like want that, I'm saying would you do like a, this is what I want, let's see if you do it, like. The test? Nah, I don't do that type of stuff. You any? You into this move? He does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, this, he's just, he's just, I, I think, and he makes a good point, that this is what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could too. I find him just highly entertaining. Oh, is it great? Ultimately, it's really what I, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, he does, and I also feel like he knows what he's doing. Yeaah, he does. He's got a system. Yeaah, he knows what he's doing. And it works for him. He reminds me of like a political pundit who goes like, you know what, fucking lock him up. And you're like, jeez, and then he's like, he knows what he's doing. Yeaah. He's getting you all fired up, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he'll fight and he just wants a fucking one cup of coffee to look at. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we're going to be back in just a moment. We are supported by DoorDash. You forget that one thing at the store, now you can get snacks, drinks, household essentials in 30 minutes with DoorDash. Dinner, check. Deodorant, check.


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[Assistant] Morning pick me up from Duncan, they got you covered man. You want Chinese, pizza, sushi, whatever you're craving, there's something for everyone on DoorDash. We've been using DoorDash like crazy. Ordering is easy, it gets to that time of day, you don't feel like cooking, you don't have time.


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[Assistant] You're craving something, you just go to the app, you look for what you want, and boom, it's dropped off safely at your door.


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[Assistant] When you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter the code YMH. Don't forget, that's code YMH for 25% off your first order with DoorDash, subject to change, terms applied.


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[Assistant] We are supported by Brooklinen. If a lot of your life is still being lived at home, then make your home as comfortable as possible. Isn't that the truth? You gotta make your home the place you wanna be.


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[Assistant] Brooklyn and B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com enter promo code house for twenty dollars off with a minimum purchase of one hundred dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I did do a podcast with Dion, and I remember that he was bald, and then he, Dion Sanders, and then also needed to pull out a hair, and he, he,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you went in to get? No, I didn't do it, but I talked to him about it. I was like, oh, you know, I've thought about it. But here's the other thing is I'm the biggest asshole if I get a transplant because I would get a transplant and I'm like, I'm going to buzz my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now wait, I want to ask you because I was mesmerized by both of your Instagram accounts that like, I thought, did you guys move to the Cayman Islands for a while?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause wait, I remember this too. I remember also seeing, uhm, you know, the pandemic started. You were in the New York Times. But the article, like you left. Yeah, and you moved to St. Louis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode is also brought to you by Tushy. Summer is here. The heat is on. Tushy bidet cleans more than just poop off your butt. It cleans sweat and other human juices too. Like if some guy fills up your hole and you want to get some of that out, just sit on your toilet and run the Tushy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is your butt clean enough to sit on your couch naked? No. Get a tushy. Imagine the weird stuff you're safe to do with a tushy by your side. You can put toys and equipment and things you find in the street up your butt and then maybe your tushy can help clean it off. It's all there man. Take nasty hot sweaty shits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a bunch of dudes fill you up. Doesn't matter. The tushy's gonna clean you out the same way. Stop smearing and spreading your business around your butthole. Stop wasting toilet paper. Run that tushy. Have a clean hole. Maybe you'll get it lapped up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a thank you, go to hellotushy.com slash your mom to get 10% off your order and free shipping. That's hellotushy.com slash your mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is also brought to you by Fiverr. If you're a business owner, you probably know exactly what you do with an extra day each week.


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[Assistant] Maybe you'd launch a new website, spend more time on marketing your services, or find new, more creative ways to build your brand. You don't need an extra day, what you really need is Fiverr, your one-stop shop for world-class freelance talent. With Fiverr, all the freelancers you could ever need are right at your fingertips. Fiverr connects businesses like yours.


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[Assistant] There's all kinds of people with incredible talent and skills. Editors, audio people, you go, I need this freelance thing done for a day. And boom, Fiverr comes at you with options. Fiverr's global network of on-demand freelance talent is here to help find what you're looking for instantly.


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[Assistant] 24-7 customer service. Reach out with questions anytime, anywhere. Check out fiverr.com, f-i-v-e-r-r.com and receive 10% off your first order by using my code MOM. Find all the digital services you need in one place at f-i-v-e-r-r.com. Code MOM. Again, that's fiverr.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And do you miss, do you miss it all in New York? Everybody who leaves New York is like, oh, you know, New York's such an amazing, like, do you miss it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, you know, it turned into a month, and I started to get itchy, and then by the second month I was like, uh, and then, then, you know, we were all picking up on each other's mood swings and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, you know, you really need that performance because you're fucking not the same without it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean. No, I think it's actually- I wanted to make you feel as bad as I felt. It is good though when you, when you like share that because it does make people go like, oh cool, like I'm not the only one that has had these thoughts. I thought I was. That's a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you have it like, do you have something in place for yourself now that you know that that is a reality for you to, you know, if something like this pops up again, do you have anything that you rely on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know when I think I got the most depressed? When I was working the graveyard shift. Yeaah. In post. That was horrible. It would have been like around the time we did New Faces. And like, I mean, I fucking- The graveyard shifts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those work, cause my work hours were 7 to 7, overnight, 7 p.m to 7 a.m.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, pursue that, but then it felt like, oh, this is like slipping, I'm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Falling into this trap of this weird world that I don't want to do, like I don't want to work in post. I just want to do stand-up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, the report was that after this came out and it didn't crush, like a lot of people mocked it, that he like scrubbed, he has the reach to scrub the internet of so much. Do you have a copy? Is it a CD?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys went in hard on him, what happened to that? No, we were, you know. You backed off? No, we just, we made fun of his video that everybody did because it's so ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That little amount of hair without dyeing your skin. You know, I mean, exactly, and like maybe, you know, he's fucking Garth Brooks, he's like fucking $800 million, maybe he brings in like, are you the beard dye specialist to the stars or whatever? Sure. And then, you know, paint your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, you know, so excited to be coming to Utah. Like, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think also I've always thought this that it is like we all have like a certain level of like Fame if you want, you know, I mean or and it's almost it is Unimaginable to be somebody that like you don't know what it's like, you know, I mean, yep, like you have a taste of it but you go like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, this guy can't walk into like, you know, a fucking hundred cities into a restaurant or anything. Like, there's no way, we can't walk into them. It's different. I also think, sorry, I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you feel like for the most part in comedy, like the comics that you go like, man I admire or I really like this, but for the most part they are pretty cool? Yea. They are right? Yea. People have always asked me, they're like, what about this? And I'm like honestly, like the great comics, they're pretty great. Most of the time. Yea. Most of the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is also brought to you by Hims. 66% of men start to lose their hair by age 35. Voila. Uh, once you've noticed thinning hair can be too late, that hairline starts to creep back. You gotta get going. The best way to prevent more hair loss is to do something about it while you still have some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now our listeners can get their first visit absolutely free. Go to 4himms.com slash mom. That's 4himms.com slash mom. Prescription products require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if prescription is appropriate, restrictions apply. See what's left for full details and important safety information. Remember that's 4himms.com slash mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Wait, I wanted to show something, uh, to Nikki because you're saying, you know, you embrace being vulnerable, so have you had it where you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a prediction the first time I saw this and he ended up confirming for me that it was correct. Which was that he had just gotten a new office and it was like, I wanna, it's like when you get a new car and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm with you on this, cause I'll get mad at the same thing, but I realize it's because I don't, you know, have, whatever, the security, the confidence to be like, here's my new pants. By the way, I like your hoodie. Oh thanks, it's Lululemon. It looks really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that? I don't know. I don't know what it is. I don't know why that is, but it is true. It is true that if I- So why do you work so hard? What do you mean? Why do you- why do you want to sell at the Wiltern? Why do you want to- I mean, I enjoy doing stand-up. I love doing it. It's like my- it's my favorite thing that I do. Do you feel good when you get off stage? She'll get off stage


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, for sure. I think imposter syndrome is totally real and it definitely creeps in. I have a thing too where I mean I think it's probably pretty natural you go like, you know, a few years ago I did the will turn and then I did two and now I'm doing four but someone else is doing eight. That'd be better if you did eight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? You're doing well, but you're not doing as well as you. And you wanted triplets. Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. You definitely wanted triplets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've heard all those people go like, there's nothing up there. Like you'll think that's the mountaintop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it, you did the same thing for headlining, and now I feel like it's basically the same, I look at it the same way. So like I'm more successful, and I sell more tickets, and I have things going on, and that feels good, I do enjoy it. But I also go like, am I progressing, am I getting better, am I, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't go, I mean like, I'm very happy to be in the place that I'm in, in my career and in my life. That feels good, but I also just go like, you know, I don't just go like, oh, that's, I'm here, that's good, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the best, those are the best. When you look back and you go, I wanted that, I didn't get it, and then you go, I'm so glad that I didn't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, I'm, I'm not bummed out. I love doing, you know, I'm doing clubs this week and it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My therapist says that I like to live in a narrow emotional bandwidth. Yeah. Yeah. I never get too excited or too depressed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so those, yea, you know, especially if you have friends there, so I like having friends at shows, it's just fun to have that moment with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well first of all, she does get more excited at more things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little shit. Yeah, no, but even like the things we're talking about, like if, you know, we have the same agent and you get the call and you're like, the shows are sold out. You're like, yeah. And I enjoy that. I enjoy that. So you enjoy, but you do enjoy things more like, you know, you're designing the interior design and that you're like, look at this fucking wallpaper I just got. It's crazy, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see, I'm, like, some people are impulsive shoppers in that way. I take my time. So I'll study cars for like six months, then pick, like, I want to test drive these five, then like, I make it like a long, and then I finally, you know, get it. So the whole process is fun for you. The whole process is this fun thing for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music does it for me too. I love music. Now I'll tell you one that'll be probably familiar to everybody that does stand up. I will find that sometimes I can even be on tour and it's like, like, you know, on paper, sold out tour, everything's great, right? And I'm like, not excited. And I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost down and I'm like, what's going on? And I'll realize that the only thing that gets me really excited is new jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'll be like doing the same jokes and it'll be like a month goes by and then I'm like, why am I not having fun? Because it doesn't matter if there's not something new. And then all of a sudden I'll do like one, one little fucking new thing and you'll see me be like, yo, tonight was the shit. And people are like, why are you so excited? Cause I did one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your standard, your standard, your standard is so different than the audience's standard. When you fly into Chicago and you do your show there and there's fucking thousand people at it and you get off stage and you're like, that sucked. That sucked in your mind compared to 10,000 shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For them, the last time they saw a show was like 18, like this is the first show they're seeing and whatever. And they go, no, this was awesome. So it really is them enjoying what they're seeing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying they did, but you didn't? They're like, no, it just seems like they really liked you. They're like, yeah, but you're at the show. Why are you separating yourself from them? And the other one they do is like, I just feel like, why are you doing this? They go like, you know, uh, that was really great. And they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, have you seen Nikki Glaser though? And you're like, yeah, but why are you bringing her up now? I hate that. Bring her up at lunch tomorrow or something, we're just doing the show right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents, by the way, I mean, my mother just doesn't like what I, like, she's just like, you should be in porno. Because all you talk about is porno. My dad hates me too. My dad is just like, you're the only comedian I'll watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, because you're my son. I'm like, you can enjoy other comedians. And he's like, uh, he goes, that would be like disrespectful to you. I'm like, no it wouldn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like dude, they'll go on a cruise and there's a comedian and he's like I wouldn't go though cause you're a comedian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I didn't even get to it, so I played, no no, I played the video messages that you're familiar with. We have a new one. Nooo. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Erin sent it, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so yeah, basically, once we highlighted that this is, I didn't even know this was a thing, it's like, you know. Oh, it's a thing. But that people are basically- I'm gonna send you if I get any of them. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, it's like, if you, I don't know, we're performers, so we see it differently, but I feel like if I were gonna send a guitar message, I'd be like, I'm gonna make sure I fucking nailed it. Like, I'm gonna impress you with my skill, or I'm not doing that thing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The funny thing is though, that she goes, that's what I want, I want these feelings. Yea, but then like, you start and she's like, er, okay, alright. Not like that. Not like that. You're making me real uncomfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've cried, I've cried a lot lately. Woah. Tell me, how does it connect? Well you've gone through a lot lately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll try to like articulate, a lot of it is like gratitude related, so I'll like, I'll start saying what I feel gratitude about specifically, and I'll just start crying. Yeah, that's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't see you crying to NWA or something. No, it's not, it's not to the music though. I'm not, I mean, I'm saying to what music are you playing? Cause I think music has a lot to do with emotion. There's, I like sad music, so sometimes I'll listen to like, I like scores, you know, like, like musical scores.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never went in that state, but uhm, I went to a strip club in, uh, Melbourne when I was 15. Oh, that one, that's, that one's dirty. 15, and they thought I was a grown ass man. Like, they took me into the room where they change and they were like, they're like, we're hanging out with like the staff and they were like, this guy wants to throw a party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, scores? Like movie scores? Yeah, yeah, I like instrumental, you know, like, I like, uh, symphonies, I like, uh, you know. Okay. The violin, I like, even like the stuff you play. Like you play the Geralt-y stuff. Mm-hmm. And sometimes, and there's that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you sing too? No, fuck no. Do you want to sing? No, I really don't, but I do like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I sent the teacher, I thought she was going to be like, we're going to do C major and you'll learn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was just like, send me what you want to play. So I sent her the score from uh, 000, the Amazon Prime show. And so that was the first thing that I played, which is kind of sad. You know, it's like a sad instrumental. Oh wow. I want to hear that. Yeah, it's really good. Cool. It's by Mogline. Are you pretty good? No. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the good, the good thing about the music thing that I like besides just liking music and trying to play it is that it is an extreme amount of focus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that I remember, still, of something you posted. I think, I don't know if I've told you this, that made you laugh. No, that was really funny. You posted, like, a photo, and then, I just happened to see, in the comment, one of the comments, the guy was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But here's the honest to god truth, if she was like, I'm a full bush gal, like I have to, I'd be like, oh, you know, I don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that means that you really like the mental aspect, like that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, here we go. Did we ever do the king evolution for her? I don't think she knows who the king is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I also respect the directness of it, but then things started to, to change, uhm, where he, he ended up doing, uhm, POV style stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then he started to make all these videos and he always made this specific, like, you know, uh, line that he would say that Queen's above 18. Make sure that you're above 18. Respect that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was like improv, like acting in the mo- and it was honestly was really good. It's like you thought you missed the question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, we have, oh I can show you another guy, we have a- I love this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot from today's episode. He's a truck driver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so cut this pinky off and please let her live, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She just says the right amount, you know? Not too much, not too little.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Stamps.com. The summer is showing welcoming signs of a more normal life ahead. Finally, you can get back to enjoying life's little pleasures, like smiling at your neighbors, seeing a movie, and going to the post office? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With our promo code MOM, you get a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage, and type in MOM. That's Stamps.com. Promo code MOM. Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Saatva. Go to Saatva, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash The Shit and get two hundred dollars off any mattress of your choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up there, Chomo? Hey, how's it going there, Chomos? It's great to be back for another fun-filled episode of Your Mom's House Pomcast. They just lost your life. Hopefully you didn't. Uhm, I'm here of course and with me as always is my lovely co-host, Christina P.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really cool. I'm feeling it. I'm liking it. It feels like slick stuff, neat stuff, and raw stuff. Uhm, there's all kinds of great things happening in today's episode. I'm very happy to be here with the great team. I have a great guest coming. Uhm, but,


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[Assistant] And remind me by the way, I gotta tell you something about G that finally happened. Yeah. Yep.


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[Assistant] Can't wait to hear this. Right after the break here, remind me. Uhm, where is the thing I wanted to play? It's here. Okay, so let's just get right into it. Let's get right into the opening clip and get into the show. Here you go.


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[Assistant] Jeffrey is full of charisma, man. I mean, he's being taken out of a jail cell or the jail transported and he's like, if I had a woman like you, I wouldn't steal her. Come on. I love this guy. He's like, I'll steal your heart. Isn't that funny, Christina?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. So, I think there was a second clip there? Yeaah, yeaah. That's the friend.


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[Assistant] Jeffrey's the shit. I really like him. This guy's no fun. This guy came out meh.


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[Assistant] No, Jeffrey's like, I did everything. I like that. That's, that's, that's fucking fun.


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[Assistant] If you steal shit, like you knowingly steal shit, and then you go, and I'll steal your heart.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm a fan. I believe him. I believe him too. I bet you he's got a long list of ladies he's been with. Yeah.


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[Assistant] He's stolen every heart. I'm such a fan of Jeffrey. Jeffrey, when you get out, you give us a shout. Okay.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, he's clearly in the system. They're like, hey Jeffrey, they know him, but this isn't a violent crime, I think.


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[Assistant] Maybe less. I hope you have a short bed, bud. Uhm.


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[Assistant] Very funny, Jeffrey. Very funny. So much, uh, so much. Oh yeah, I want to tell you about G. Yeah, what's going on with that? Can you pull up G's Instagram?


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[Assistant] So, what used to happen is, I would just go there and read stuff sometimes, you know, the comments, and it would be really funny. Every once in a while, I would post, I would comment, and what I noticed is that my comment


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[Assistant] Could get liked a bunch, but, and then it would be like a hundred comments underneath it, but if you went to read them they would all be gone.


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[Assistant] Like they had just kind of like, I don't know, put some type of shadow ban. Yeah. Now my comment appears or I could see it. No likes, no nothing. So now it's completely welcome to being restricted. Yeah. So if you hit, can you hit that latest one there? I wonder if you can even see that it's there. Maybe you can't. Does it?


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[Assistant] Well, but what they didn't realize is that this has really upset me. So...


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[Assistant] And I think you should unrestrict T buttons from commenting on your account. And I sure hope that the people who listen to this and comment don't encourage you to unrestrict me.


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[Assistant] That's it. That's all I wanted to say. I just want to be part of the fun. I want to have a good time again, man.


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[Assistant] You about to find, you got, I got friends in some high places, how about that shit?


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[Assistant] I cannot believe that. He fucking restricted me. Do you think he even knows what's going on?


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[Assistant] Dude, the comments are the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. Sometimes when I just need a laugh, I just go here to read. I mean, look at these. It's like, I got a DUI baby, sacca souffle. What does that one say?


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[Assistant] Where's my family Garth? That's where it spits. What did you, why did you hurt Christina? Don't be skin, stingy G home here now. What did you do to Christine?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, it's just like, it's always, it's like page after page, you scroll every single thing. It's really the, it's the most wholesome fun I've ever had on social media. Just knowing that this exists.


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[Assistant] Justice for Tom is good. Unban, unrestrict Tom.


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[Assistant] Well, hopefully, hopefully he gets, he's gonna get the message. Hopefully the team unrestricts me.


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[Assistant] What's the net, what's the previous post say? Like the one before this? What's that one? Yea, what's that one? Oh, that's when he got his Kennedy Center honor. Right? You know what's a banana split?


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[Assistant] Oh, here we go. I had James Taylor though, gave him the hearts. Yep. I'ma make you cry right underneath it. Everything else. I'll make you sleep for three days, my baby. You bet I'm coming up in May, show me where it spits. What? That's funny that I know how that's meant to be said.


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[Assistant] Just like somebody could just write different and then we know what that means.


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[Assistant] I feel like uhm, this guy doesn't get as much love as he should. Live life 365. The 365 guy, you know?


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[Assistant] So it was months ago where I wrote something.


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[Assistant] I saw that it was like the bunch, and I saw that there were like a hundred comments underneath it, and I went to see what they were. Like, oh, what do people write underneath it? And every time you hit comment, uhm, it would show less comments, and then you could read none of them.


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[Assistant] So I was like, oh, none of the comments underneath my comment are visible.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I was like, oh, but also it was still liked like, you know, 900 times or something. I didn't post again for like, on his thing for like two months. And the same thing happened again. I wrote the comment.


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[Assistant] It was liked a bunch. There were comments, but when you went to read them, nothing.


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[Assistant] So I was like, oh, it's some type of like, it's some level of restriction. And then the last one that I noticed was the one on the, on the latest post where I wrote something and then I went back to see it and there was zero, like zero activity. I was like, oh, they, they restricted me.


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[Assistant] Uh, it took me, it took me a moment. I mean, at first I was like, wait, what? Like...


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[Assistant] Nope, nobody. And then I was like, oh, it's not, no one's seeing this. I'm not allowed to participate anymore. And then I got bummed out.


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[Assistant] It does not hurt, it does not hurt them. He's not aware of, come on. What is this, hurting his stadium sales?


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[Assistant] I don't think he's aware of what's being spent. I think the team is just like, we gotta do something about this.


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[Assistant] Right? I mean that's, that's, that seems like a real, that's the right place for a Garth.


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[Assistant] Okay, listen to me, Garth. You've just ruined your life! Okay?


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[Assistant] Yeah, your comments on Facebook are going to look a lot different real soon.


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[Assistant] I'm all for it. And I better not be restricted there.


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[Assistant] I will find you on TikTok, Snapchat, Twitter.


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[Assistant] You can go back and open a fuckin' MySpace account. I'll go, I'll be there too. You cut me out of the fun, I'm gonna make fun.


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[Assistant] I gotta make this right. I gotta make it right. Uhm, alright. Uhm, we will be back.


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[Assistant] Puzzle solving levels on best fiends and unlike mulling over the mysteries of the universe, best fiends leaves your brain feeling refreshingly challenged.


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[Assistant] Christina is on this thing all the time. She absolutely loves Best Fiends. I see her on it. Everywhere we go, we sit down. Anywhere she sits on the couch, we're in a waiting room. Anywhere we sit down, Christina's on Best Fiends. Best Fiends has tons of puzzles to solve and unlike other matching puzzle games,


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[Assistant] Best Fiends has variety, and you know, strategy. The downside? She can't stop playing.


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[Assistant] It's like every sound, every character is now a part of our life from Best Fiends because Christina is literally so in love with this game. Download the five-star rated puzzle game Best Fiends free today on the App Store or Google Play. That's Friends Without the R Best Fiends.


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[Assistant] This episode is also brought to you by Squarespace. Who are you without a website? You are lost. It's time to get a website going.


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[Assistant] Beautiful templates created by world class designers. You customize the look and the feel, the settings and the product with just a few clicks. Optimized for mobile, right out of the box.


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[Assistant] Head to squarespace.com slash mom for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And we're back and so is our guest coming back for a second time.