[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone, good morning, welcome back, thanks for joining us on April Fool's Day. I've spoiled it for you two, I've already warned you to be careful all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I've got for you here, uh, some, a list of, some are April Fools and some are not fools. Alright, hit us. So I thought I could


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you guys listen to them and then let me know whether you think they're April fools or not. This is going to be great. Okay. I'm good at these. So, uh, Japan's biggest airline carrier, uh, all Nippon Airways have started selling tickets for dinner on the runway. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the airline industry having challenges, uh, the first class lounges, obviously you can go and have a business class experience without going anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this. I understand, like, I understand why you would, why, like, why you would put up with, like, the business, the business experience is nice, right, but the point is that the alternative option is to be crammed into a tiny seat and, you know, have to suffer with all that horribleness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could eat in those toilets, that'll start happening, you know, because, you know, people were so clean that you could literally just serve like a fried egg on a toilet seat or sushi around a toilet seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think everyone feels the same, you know, like, you realise that you do need to pee, and this is your only option, so it's like, oh god, I have to just brave it. Anyway, let's move on. So, the next one on the list, uh, Will.i.am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm going to say not an April Fool's as well. He's a pretty eccentric guy. This is not an April Fool's, you're right. He, since Christmas, he has pancakes and vegan burgers on Fridays, sorry. Um, Saturdays, uh, some vegan solids, Sundays, hard carbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So on Monday I only eat juice, Tuesday only juice, Wednesday only juice with a salad, and Thursday juice with a salad, Friday juice with avocado, and then repeat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you how it's going because I've only been doing it for five minutes, so uhm. What else have we got Lulu? Right, next up, so the South Australia police are gonna be adding much smaller dogs to their dog squad. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea is that they can, uh, attach them to drones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well actually it is true, uh, Midlothian's barbers, and it's part of the Green Salon Collective, which will be making the hairdressing industry more sustainable. I feel like the hairdressing industry doesn't... It's pretty sustainable already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another one from Australia, Brisbane. The Lord Mayor of Brisbane has announced that the koala was added as a city emblem last year, right? And then the tree frog was like another emblem, but now they're actually announcing, uh, that they will also be adding the ibis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, the hotel chair? No, the bin chicken as the third emblem of Brisbane. Is that true or on April 4th?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of cultural thing where like- It's exactly that, P-flats. It's exactly that, yes. It's, uhm, the bin chicken is a pest and a bane of tourists and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they've added a couple of like, uh, settings to their streaming service over the last week. One of them is called Noir On Demand, which makes basically any, any time you can like basically put a setting on it, like makes everything kind of like film noir. Like it's like an overlay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can also, uhm, you can also have fun on demand, which makes any elements that aren't like, family friendly, like a knife, replaced by like a hairbrush, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that was utter bollocks? Yeah. Is it? Yes, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her majesty. Always keeps a personal box of chocolates with her. With her? With her at all times. And no one else is allowed to eat them. Man, I don't know. I think she's like... This was announced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very true. Okay, next up, Ant and Dec are rebranding to Dec and Ant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ. Uh, a pet chicken, noodles, the chicken, can predict lottery numbers, right? And it has pecked out five winning numbers of the latest Euro-millions and won a 150,000 pound prize. What do you think about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Skoda have built into their new car radio system, uh, that's like an auto tune that will automatically listen to what you're singing and correct the pitch. Fuck off! Okay, fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well done, well done. And it's gonna be called Volkswagen. Okay. Like the volts, you know, with the mutt, the, yeah. Okay. Is that, is that real? No, not real. No. Okay, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's a bit more that though. So they originally put this out last week and when people questioned them on it, they said it wasn't an April Fool. It wasn't an April Fool. This is technically not an April Fool. This is technically actual


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and as a result, it's kind of just left a lot of people very confused. Oh my god. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Yeah, you can. And it could just be like, oh, it's, it's like, you could test stuff on the, on the public. Like, people, a lot of April Fools have become reality because the public had such a good, you know, response to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's one, uh, a mystery virus, uh, while the coronavirus is affecting us, a mystery virus is affecting black bears in the US. This was posted yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making them friendlier towards humans than usual. This is a very dangerous April Fools joke, is it not? It's kind of been creating these like bear cubs, turning like bear cubs to lose all their fear of humans and behave like dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and kind of like approach people and be friendly and apparently a young bear was totally comfortable around a group of people letting them pick it up eating an apple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently, according to this article on the BBC, uh, April Fool's Day, 10 stories that look like pranks but aren't, this is the story that is true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently, in one case, a cute bear cub climbed fearlessly onto a snowboarder's board near the North Star Resort, showing none of the caution a wild animal would normally show around humans. This, I don't think this is, I don't know, this seems, this seems a bit suspicious to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how we have really conflicting, there's something you're supposed to, you're supposed to punch a shark on the nose, right? You're supposed to stand still for a lion, aren't you? Or a bull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, have become best friends after meeting at the same animal center, and they, they are, they're like a little gang. You see shit like this all the time. This is probably real. It's Taz the emu, Alfred the kid, and a gosling called Wiggle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, ExpressVPN, we use it. I recommend it. Uh, it doesn't log your data. I know that some of the free ones, uh, sell your data to ad companies. ExpressVPN doesn't do that. It's got a technology called Trusted Server.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, second off, it's the fastest one I've used, and I don't even notice ExpressVPN is running. Yeah, it's uhm, I've been using it for like nearly a year now probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just always have it on in the background. It's really easy to use. Even, you know, my mum can use it if she wants to. Uh, I don't actually think she goes on the computer very much, but maybe I should get it set up for her. Uh, it's just, it's just an app. You click a button, it's easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's, it's, it's well reviewed. So yes, ExpressVPN, thank you very much. Protect yourself with the VPN that we use. Yes. Use expressvpn.com slash trifles today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And get an extra three months free on a one year package. BOOM. It's gresvpn.com slash triforce. On with the show. So I, I got a bag of, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bird seed this week. Okay. So like you can get them for really cheap. And it's like, but in a same way that they add like methanol to rubbing alcohol to stop people drinking it, they add like meal worms and stuff to this seed mix, right? Just to stop


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was almost like, oh, this is some healthy seed mix. It's got like a, it's got like a sunflower seeds in it. It's got like little bits of, you know, stuff like pumpkin seeds. I was like, this looks great. And I was just about to eat some and I was like, I wonder what this thing is. And then I realised with horror that it was like a fucking worm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm sure there's activists across the world doing that right fucking now as we speak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably in Australia, that's the kind of place that that sort of stuff happens. So, Mary Poppins star, Dick Van Dyke, you might remember him. Do you remember how he was out, well not him, but like, there was a lot of feeding the birds and stuff in that movie, right? Giving out stuff in the street to birds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dick Van Dyke, uhm, this week has been giving out money in the street, so he's 95.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nope, he's perfectly sane, as far as I can tell. He's fine. I mean, if he's like, yeah, I'd believe it. Yeah, sure. That's right. So it's true. He was withdrawing money. He was seen withdrawing money from a bank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mary Poppins? Dacia, you know the car company?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there you go, good, good story. Uh, so they are announcing that they are going to launch the world's first affordable space program.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're all about delivering value for money without compromising on quality. Uh, launching a car into space is the obvious next step. So they go, they're gonna, they're gonna follow in Tesla's footsteps and launch a Dacia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, a comic book company have announced they, uh, I'll tell you in a minute, they have announced that they will be publishing a comic about the US first lady, Jill Biden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, it's part of the Female Force series of books, which have done one about Mother Teresa and Dolly Parton already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except it would be the girls. It would be the gals. Oh, the gals, of course, because Dolly's gals. Oh, that sounds pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what she did apparently. She encouraged members of her order to secretly baptise dying patients and just, she was just a bit of a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was, she was like, you know, people were, people were just, she just did some horrible things really. She didn't deserve, didn't deserve the kind of blanket


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of, you know, angelic-ness with which the world seems to have, they've put her in the same sentence as Florence Nightingale when in fact, you know, she was just, she was, she did some terrible stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I didn't realize that's a real, in that case, I take it back. You know, I take it, I take it back. I'm sure she did some good things too. And, but, but also, I dunno. So I think that that, that sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exciting, strong women in the world today, who are great role models.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so yeaah, they've done Hillary Clinton before, they've done Nancy Reagan before, so yeaah, it's a good series. If you're interested, check it out, Female Force Comic Books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. No, I think that's a good summary. Last year there was some pretty terrible, um, failed April Fools. I remember there was one about this, this K-pop star j-joke that he has COVID when he was in hospital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there was like a couple of, a lot of high profile people who have announced that they're pregnant on, uh, April Fool's Day before. Like Justin Bieber did it, Gwen Stefani did it, like a few other people have done it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've enjoyed, I've enjoyed these stories. I think these, these are all, I think this has been really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess like, I guess I've read this list of stories that aren't April Fool's but, you know, feel like they can see. I feel like there's stories like that all year round. Do you know what I mean? Like we're constantly bombarded with these things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strange, strange bruise. Strange bruise. One thing I was thinking about this week, I don't know why, was car horns, right? How do you use a car horn? Aggressively. I barely ever, I barely use one. I don't think I've ever honked my horn, honestly. Right? Exactly, Sips. P-Flex, how often do you use your car horns?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just say when you build a car, obviously when these car companies put the cars together,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The car horn is a part of it. Every car has to have one. They're very important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people, like I'm walking around Bristol a lot and I noticed obviously, obviously some cities you go to, like Italy, they, the car horn is just another extension of their voice journey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just part of the hustle and bustle of their, but I don't necessarily agree from, this is maybe the British cynical attitude that the only time you use a horn is to alert a twat that he's doing something wrong. And as a result, so it's like an anti-twat device basically, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People's definition of twats is different, like real arseholes, real pricks, they are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, you're brilliant. That's brilliant. Then you can see it's like a 3.8 on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone contact Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror, guys. Let's fucking get that as an episode. I love that. Road Rage, like 3.0. That's a fucking great idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that sounds good. Alright, well that's enough of podcasting for today. Thank you everybody for joining us. Well of course, at time of recording we missed like all of the American April Fools and most of the British ones as well, so that's why it was Australian focused I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, is there a lot of flag waving currently going on in Jersey and sort of, you know, a lot of, uh, is the attitude in general, um, up yours, um, Frenchies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh it's just an escalation, it's just a way of saying, it's like the Chicago fight, you threaten to change your fishing vessels, they threaten to shut your power down, they send some fishing ships, you send the navy, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always been very slow to pee. Always. Oh, right, okay. I've never been one of those people that just goes and is just like, pssh, and it's done. Yeah. It's always, my body's taking its time about everything. Always. I'm always very slow, slow to learn, slow to move, slow to start, slow to change. But once you get me going, Sips, I'm like a powerboat. You can't stop me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One that a distant relative would assure you is seaworthy, but is not. That would be me as a powerbender.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so, I was gonna say before Louie went pee-pee, I've got, uh, I was looking around this week, for some reason, I was thinking about, uh, choose your own adventure books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And, cause I had a chat on my stream about roleplaying games and D&D and stuff like that, which I want to talk about a bit. So, when, when, I don't know if you guys ever played Dungeons and Dragons when you were kids. Did you guys play it when you were kids? I never did, no. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His older brother played D&D, first edition, the one that came in the red box, the classic Dungeons & Dragons, with the lad on the front, it's like a little red cardboard box and everything you need is in there. And we wanted to play and he was like, he was two or three years older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he wanted nothing to do with us. He was playing in his mind, cause he was 11 or 12, ultra advanced Dungeons and Dragons. You know, the way that you look down on younger siblings and we were like, what do you want to play? And he's like, oh no, you're not playing. And we're like, please. He's like, fine. You can make a character and we'll play some Dungeons and Dragons if it'll shut you up. So like, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So me and my friend made characters, which is our favourite part. We would just make characters endlessly, just making characters, rolling dice, making characters, designing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he was some kind of warrior. We're exploring this room, and the thing is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you show players a room, if you describe a room, they think there has to be something to the room. Because everything in every game you've ever played has taught you that they don't bother to put stuff in there unless there's something to it. The problem is, quite often there is nothing in that room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's something in the house that you need to find, maybe, but not in every room. It's not like a dungeon, where you just go, like if there was a dungeon adventure and you go down a corridor and there's a large room here with an ornate statue and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're searching it and there's nothing there. You go in another corridor, there's another room, this time with a large well and three bells. But none of it does anything. It would be the worst adventure ever, right? So you expected all to do something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're in this room and we're poking around for ages and he says there's a large fireplace here and we're like, ooh, maybe there's something up the chimney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I jab my sword up the chimney, and all the rubble up the chimney falls down and kills my character. And my friend, in trying to dig me out, there's a further landfall and he is also killed. By the stuff falling out of the chimney. I remember thinking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It should always be seen as like a story that you're telling, uh, together. And the DM has to adapt the story based on what the players do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, the players have, there is peril and there are things that can go wrong and they can make bad choices. But it should never just be, uh, you failed and you're dead. So that's what brought me to Choose Your Own Adventure Books. And there is a Tumblr called You Chose Wrong. And it's literally the ends, sort of the ends, from all these different books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I realized that Cheesier and Adventure books are essentially like playing Dungeons and Dragons with a terrible dungeon master.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is essentially just like a computer. It's like a proceduralized flowchart. There's no real choices to be made. For instance, a door to your right flies open, throwing a brilliant shaft of light into the corridor. Suddenly, you are surrounded by a circle of snarling chimpanzees. They begin to close in. The end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did, I did like quite a lot of the Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone ones that they did. And there was one, the sorcery sort of quadrology I think it is, like the Shamutanti Hills, Kaer Setipuda traps, I can't remember what the other two were. That was really good, the illustrations in it were gorgeous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there was, there were certain moments in the book where you thought, well, I don't really want to have to start again. I mean, you assume there must have been people out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wake up, and the innkeeper has put this elaborate trap with a guillotine over it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not gonna start again because the moment you get to that point, you're just gonna do the other thing. So it's like, well, I know the journey up to this point. Why would I repeat it? So I always- that was a clear and obvious-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep your finger on the page and choose the correct option, because otherwise it feels a bit daft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, that sounds like the end. 21 is too close. 280? How many pages is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, I never finished. I always just got about halfway and went and did something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's awesome. I think it's awesome. Yeah, we get to do stuff like that. It's pretty cool. I look forward to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I, you know what, the professional voice actors are amazing at preserving their voice and still being able to do the voices. When I did the uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For Dota I did the Rick and Morty announcer pack with, with Justin Roiland, right? And we would do, I think we did like seven, six or seven calls over like Skype. And he would be recording at his end, cause he's got a studio at home, cause he's a voice actor, that's what he does. So he's in California and he's recording, and I, he's just got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would do it, and he would do the voices seamlessly going between them, and one voice is very high, and the other voice, you know, Morty's voice is kinda like, oh god Rick, you know, and then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I recommend to everyone out there, get into voice acting for a video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably. Yeah, I came down there for a week, I think I did a couple of streams, and I would spend about two or three hours a day, I think, maybe slightly more, recording it, and uh, we had a lot of office noise, and we had to keep coming out and saying, can you guys shut the fuck up please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know what? Exactly. But the tricky part is, the mic was so sensitive that the turning, cause I had it all printed out, turning the page would show up on the audio, so I'd have to, when I'm getting near the end of the page, I have to find a point to pause.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Memorise that sentence, turn the page over, and then, so that you can't hear the sound of the page being turned on the book, otherwise it sounds a bit weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I wouldn't have minded it, but the problem is, it's not printed out in the same format that the book is, so the turning of the page might not be in time with, although actually you're listening anyway, you're not reading, so. Yeah, no, I don't know why we did it, we did, uh, we did it, but, you know, we wanted to cut down on all the, all the background noise, but I'm pretty sure that you can hear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Office laughter or chat at some point. Because the thing is, like, your guy's desk's right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was on the recording. So the biggest time-sick was actually killing background noise, telling people to shut up and waiting for the air conditioning to require.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For anyone wondering if it's good for you to get the vaccine, consider this. Nothing else in life that is fun to do is also good for you, right? Think about it. Eating disgusting, sloppy food, doing hard drugs, getting really drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great! You should get it for your kids. Fuck off. I don't want them anywhere near a Pokeman or Pokewoman. No thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole point of taking pictures of, uh, wild animals is, if nature documentaries have taught us anything, you just wait until they start having sex and then you take a picture covertly like some kind of nature voyeur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, I'm just looking at the names of the Pokemon, and it's very clear they ran out of ideas for names, and now I think they're just mashing the lapses together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll give you an example. Here's the first ten in generation one of the Pokemon, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur, Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard, Squirtle, Wartortle, Blastoise, and Caterpie. Right? Yeaah. Now let's look at, those are numbers 1 through 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Generation 8, the most recent tenor, Zacian, Zamazenta, Eternatus, Cubfu, Urshifu, Zarude, Regi-Liki, Regidrago, Glastrier, Spectrier, and Kali-Rex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You sounded drunk when you were reading those. It's like a drunken list of just, think of a fucking name. Alright, here's one. Dreepy. That's one. Uh, Dreepy. Snom. Mr. Rhyme. I mean, they've given up. Dreepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, I like, I do like Animal Crossing. Uhm, I don't play it, but my wife and both of my girls play it. My youngest loves the game and she's obsessed with getting other people onto her island and going to other people's islands and all that kind of social element of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I helped my friend make a cafe, and I had all the furniture made, and I was just waiting to see if I could help her make a cafe, so I made loads of cafe furniture, and we built a cafe, and now her island is up to three stars! Nice! I was like, made her day doing that. That's a sweet game. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's making animals into a commodity, Lewis. You goad them into doing something worth looking at. As if the animal, the Pokemon itself, is not beautiful. No! It must be a performing kabloonkee for me. Perform kabloonkee! Jump around!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we're gonna have to think of what to do for the big 200.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're right. You're right. The first one is a reflex because it's, it's a polite, automatic thing that people don't really, it's, it's like a, a, just a part of our society, right? Whereas the second question you're actually asking, you know, out of, out of interest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, that's, I mean, I'm playing Super Mario 3D World, which I think is the original Wii version that they re-released on Switch just recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had like 25 lives collected up and then I got this one level and because I'm playing it co-op and we just couldn't do it, like we just kept dying over and over again and we actually lost all 25 lives on this one level that we collected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this, um, an example of, like, game design where people think, oh, you know, sitting out is the worst thing, you know, like, that's why games... Yeah, it is for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The install size was bigger than the hard drive of the Switch. You can get memory cards, like these tiny little SD sticks that are massive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you gotta think, like every, if you're trying to shave money off your console though, you might as well, you know, you, you wanna, it's, it's, it's, you can save like a hundred quid by not putting a decent hard drive in there. Yeah. Yeah. And so anyway, anyway, I'm interested in, in playing it, honestly, Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so Daff has terrible internet at home, and he had a week off, and every day he was in the office, and I was like, what are you doing here Daff? And he's like, oh, I'm just playing Dota and stuff, because his internet is terrible at home, he would rather just come into the office and play games all day here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stuff behind the things that we take for granted though, right? And, and also it's, it's, you know, the, the, it's always been the way. There's hundreds and hundreds of examples of these. It's like, but this is like everything though. It's very depressing when you think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, that's, it happens over and over again. Like I think, and I think there is this idea that companies can build in the costs of, the costs of legal, you know, or settlements into their profits. They're like, well, you know, we're going to make


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well what scares me actually is how much of this stuff is happening in, you know, places that aren't regulated. So much production has been over the last 20 years has been sent to India and China. And their regulations are far different there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About how after sort of the financial crisis, these hedge funds were looking at new ways to make money. And one of the things they did was they, everyone was looking to invest in China because China was kind of unaffected and was massively growing and it was this huge place that was the only place in the world where it was all out of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you couldn't invest in these Chinese companies because they were all still sort of, they're kind of behind this, this curtain even today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so what, what these Chinese companies would do is they would buy an American company that was listed on the American stock exchange, but wasn't really doing anything anymore. It's kind of out of business. So like a cheap


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but, so they would buy that and they would actually do what's called a reverse merger. So they would become, the Chinese company would become owned by that company and then they would rename that company to, to who they were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That gave them immediate access to the American stock market without going through any of the proper regulations and being tested for whether they actually existed or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People would, and these hedge funds would start telling people to buy these stocks and buying these stocks. And of course, no one did any of their due diligence. No one went out to China and actually looked at this stuff for a couple of years. And when they started doing it, they realized that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think all you need to do is find something that is incredibly scummy and should be illegal, but isn't. Talk to a lawyer and he says to you, oh yeah, well this isn't actually illegal, so go ahead and do it and make loads of money. And then they go ahead and do it. You know, I think it's like this odd thing where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, there's no, people are so hungry, corporations are so hungry for money that they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aren't really even aware that these kind of scams affect people, right? Or affect things. It feels like a victimless crime as well, really, when you have the idea that it's like, oh, it's just money being transferred around between rich people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know who's been led into this thing, who's lost their pension, how that's affected them. You don't know where these crimes have gone. And I think that because it's affecting, you know, it's someone else, it's not a problem. You know, a lot, it's like that ethical quandary, isn't it, of whether you would


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where they're like, you know, if they do nothing, sure, five people will die, but if they actually pull the lever, then suddenly they're now involved. You know, people can very easily stand by and do nothing and say, this was going to happen anyway. It wasn't my responsibility to pull that lever. There's this odd, yeah, there's this odd, it's the idea that also the president should have to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna dip into those, definitely. Yeah, I do like r slash documentaries. I'm always like, that's one of the subreddits that is one of my go-to things. And if I'm bored at work, I'll just at work, sitting in the office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I've seen it, yeaah, I know of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you tend to get a bit more of that with celebrity culture and celebrity lifestyle, don't you? It's, it's, it's a bit of a wild place. I've just, I've got this notepad next to me where I like keep track of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cipher, I think it was called, like a decryption game. So the first few pages are covered with my notes taken while I was trying to decrypt things. So it looks like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about like, talking about like coming up with ideas for a Christmas song, right? And so various like ideas about elves, like kind of trying to make iPads. How the fuck can you be bothered?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's not that you haven't got like the, the kind of representatives, you know, standing up for you. Like, you know, sort of the, the, the, these pro-bald people who are starting, you know, shops for bald people and stuff, you know, and like it's bald acceptance. There's no bald acceptance movement. Do you know what it is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's what, I mean, I'm looking at this wrestling picture of Steve, Steve Austin, he was obviously pretty bald as well. And then you've got Hulk Hogan, who should have gone bald. He should have just worshipped, but instead he wore that weird bandana thing to try and hide the receding hairline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course! He's like seven feet tall, so you wouldn't even be able to see up there, right? You wouldn't even know that he was bald, because you're looking from a lower angle, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. We all know. We know who we're talking about. A couple of people. Right? I've got actually, so I've noticed uhm, cause I've been playing tabletop sims. Jesus. I've actually, one of these pages of my notes is people who I refuse to play with again. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well these are just random people, but I noticed that they kept popping up again in the, in the, in the TTS club and I almost joined games with them and I was like, oh no, okay, let me check my list. Check my ban list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what we, we're gonna, we're gonna do that. We're gonna do an apocalypse game of, of epic proportions and, and play over the course of like a day or two. And then, you know, turn that into a 20 minute video. I think that's the plan really. So, so we'll come back the next day and talk about what we did and cut in all the good bits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a 12 hour long Stellaris board game that's insanely detailed, um, and it's just, it's just, it's just, it takes forever. I've always wanted to play it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we're gonna, we're gonna do, we're gonna organise one of those. Well, I'd definitely invite your invited, so. Thank you. So, once you've had your jab, uhm, you can come down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Well look, we better go. Thank you for listening this week everybody. I hope you're all doing well out there. Look after yourselves. Take care. And we'll see you next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be fair, you don't have, there's not a wide range of food that you do eat. Though this, we spoke about this, remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not, you're not a dad yet. Well, you might be one day, is what I'm saying. Like, you might change your mind. It's never too late. You know, especially for men. Men can, men can be dads late, right? Like you see sometimes, you see those guys that are like, I'm 70 and I'm a new dad. Like George Clooney and stuff like that. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, that's, that's about it for me. I'm like, uh, constantly, well, I'm gonna be covered in sick soon. Not dog sick necessarily, but you know, babysick. Oh man, you know what we found? It's coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, three weeks? Oh my god! Yeah, it's like so soon. It's crazy. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, that was like standard weekend though. I mean, there's just lots to do all the time. I can't help it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the, um, it was the UV that gotcha. You gotta be careful. They always say on the radio, just cause it's cloudy, make sure you, you lather up, make sure you slap it on there, get your kids covered and stuff too. And I never listen. Cause I, I feel like if the sun's not out, then the, the, the lube isn't coming out either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's a free day. It's kinda like watering your garden, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's raining, you're just like, oh, free day, I don't have to do anything. I'm like, I feel the same about sun cream. I just don't wanna do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a, it's a test year. It's a test year. And the tests are going pretty good. It's pretty amazing. Man, there's a lot of stuff coming up. So, like, I'll organize it better next year, but yeah. No, this year was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think with the greenhouse though, like the, you know, it's, it's small, but it's all you need, right? It's just, it's just for seedlings, like there's not really gonna be anything in there, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We haven't heard about this game for months, right? It's only because you showed him miniatures and then he's like, Oh yeah, I played a game like that. Now he's obsessed with it. So like, it's, it comes around, you know, like it just, uh, like it's, it's all the rage and then, you know, it's not and whatever. It's just the way it goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had to take it down. I took it down today actually. On your house. It was covered in bird shit. Just like completely covered in bird shit. And torn as well, it was torn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I created more people. I want the trolling to carry on, you know, past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From what I remember, I don't remember anything like that before, before that, but Mario Paint was a big one, cause you could make music, you could make animations, you had like the mouse pad and the mouse and everything for it, you remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I mean, I get that, I get, I get the sentiment for sure, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean you'd get that from time to time though, it's interesting, cause like especially with uh, like food, you'd get that right? Like ethical food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, uh, or ethical, like cleaning products that sort of say like, you know, we don't believe in testing on animals or we don't believe in destroying the environment and stuff like that. So I guess maybe, maybe it's like a new thing. Maybe it'll become like a, like a new thing in gaming where people are like, um, you know, I'm, I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, you have to survive each day and each day you survive, they level up, you give them...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is just a nice looking game for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's good. It is actually really good. Like, I think uhm, I need to play it more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's weird with games, right? Like whatever you're into at the time, you're just into, right? So it's hard to like sort of give other games a lot of time sometimes I find, but it's definitely something that I'll come back and, uh, and look into again. Cause I did enjoy it. It's good, but I don't think it's like they are billions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, when you were playing these games, uh, did people come into your chat and they're like, wow, Dota 2 looks really different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm also looking for a very specific simple game as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's the exact one, but I get the same thing that you're describing right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, it's a bit, it's a bigger place and there's more cases. See, like over here, we're lucky there's not that many cases right now. So, you know, it's uhm, we're in a bit of a better spot. It's a small place, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's uhm, it's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Think about a cookie and think about it crumbling and you'll see what I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the thing is though, Lewis, like the older you get and stuff, like take a leaf out of my book, uhm, with the, with the gardening and stuff. You can just retreat. You can opt out of all of this. You don't need to speak to anybody. You can just go out there, tend to your plants and stuff like that. You know, make sure your arugula doesn't bolt and if it does, just like, you know, trim it down and get some, get some new shit in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, I've stopped feeding him in the morning, Flax. I don't know, your dog probably needs to be fed a couple of times a day. Terry only needs to be fed


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Forage around and find food. So they, they walk around all day and they find as much food as they can. And then once they've had enough food or feel like they've had enough food and they've had their, you know, vitamin intake for the day or whatever, they're, they're good. They'll go and bask or they'll, they'll, you know, find a, find a hole to dig and go to sleep or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if I feed Terry first thing in the morning, which I used to do, he'd just sleep the rest of the day. Cause in his mind he's just like, oh well, I'm done. Like, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I've been feeding him in the afternoon, which keeps him keen, but the bullying, that's where the bullying comes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, he's just like, he just, he turns into like a completely different animal. He's like, it looks like he's like panting and like frothing at the mouth and he's trying to climb the walls and stuff. Oh my god, it's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we basically, we just need an enclosure for him and he can just graze all day because everything that he needs to eat is just growing in our garden and backyard anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most animals don't fuck with tortoises though, cause they don't understand them, you know? Like, you see a lot of YouTube videos of like dogs running away from them and stuff. It's just like a little tortoise just like sort of, you know, chugging along after the dog, but the dog is petrified of it, cause they just don't get them, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that I've had any bad experiences or anything like that. I just feel like it's one of those things that I don't really need to spend a lot of time on, and I know that if I do spend a lot of time on it, I'll just come out worse for it. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh my god. I don't really get it either. Like, I enjoy it sometimes. Like, every once in a while you do come across a very funny, you know, uh, post or thread. Like, I found a funny one the other day. For sure. Uh, relating to gardening. And it was this guy, and he was like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After dozens of hours of work and hundreds of dollars of money spent getting all the supplies and everything, uh, I'm happy to finally say


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The insane people on it who have just these crazy, I mean, I guess people maybe think like that about, uh, you and I, about our opinions on Clarkson or whatever, but I, the difference is that I don't go on to Twitter and just, um, and, and just post that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Like maybe that's why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is weird, yeaah. Another weird story for you guys, I don't know if you guys read this or picked up on it, but the Queen said that Matt Hancock is full of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full of, full of, uh, bull tootin' roar or whatever the queen would refer to as.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me just find like a whole bunch of old tweets where she was like, uh, very racist or sexist or whatever and you can just retweet those. No, there's one where she's complaining about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened to this place? It's come, it's come, ugh, it's like they've been in a different country. Smells different, the people are different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the mid-year crisis, where I'm like, why is it not like this the whole year round? Like, I've been sitting in the park, I've been reading my book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh don't worry, it'll get, we had that little bit of rain, it blew past us in like 20 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you do know that we're in England, so it's always sunglasses and umbrella. The combo. You know, it's, you know, you can never fully trust that sunny day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, those, those black clouds could roll in any minute and shit on everything. So I had, I had a nice day yesterday. I went and, um, hung out with Hat Films in their warehouse, which I did, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is the second time I visited, and, uh, we did some, we did some weird, fun, painty challenges. It was nice. It's like I've suddenly got this little extra group of friends who are very, uhm, they're very rude. I don't know, it's like my mum wouldn't approve of them. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well I am too, but I also though, I felt a bit like a square. I felt like my mum had given me a packed lunch and stuff and sent me off to sort of make friends in a sense as well because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I brought with me, after last week I brought with me a list of the things that I noticed that they didn't have. So I stole a bunch of stuff from the office, I ordered some stuff on Amazon, so it was like bin bags, kitchen roll, wet wipes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought like a respirator, I bought just loads of cleaning supplies. Right. I bought, I also bought them a dartboard as like a, um, a gift, I guess. Cause I felt like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt that they could put a dartboard on the wall, which they liked, so that was a nice gift. And I think they actually preferred the bin bags more. The thing about it is, it's kind of a bit of a boys club, the Hat Films warehouse. It's a bit smelly, it's a bit like, kind of grimy and really dirty and there's like just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wood shavings and bin bags full of shit everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They actually like the bin bags the most and we filled up like three bin bags full of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sour milk, like, some, some horrible rotten food smell coming from somewhere, okay, and we didn't really know where it was coming from, uhm, but we, Al Smithy kept smelling it the whole day, and we were, he was like, is that bin bag there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't think it is, cause like, I've been smelling that bin bag, and it's, I don't think that's where the smell's coming from anyway. We didn't really make that much of an effort to locate the smell, or really think that much about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But later on, uhm, in the day, Al Smithy was complaining about it again, uhm, and he took a big gulp of his coffee, and was like, ughh, ughh, cause it was one of those sealed, like, Starbucks cups, and he realised he'd just picked up one of them off of the middle table, and that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then knew something was wrong because it was obviously like stone cold, but obviously also the other thing was he going through his mind is, oh my, this must be paint water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the, the, the sort of, just that trap coffee cup, like, that, those, those coffee cups with the lids on. You never know what's inside them. I'm always, it's like, I, I don't really drink out of, um, cans anymore, because when I was like a student, I used to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably nothing, it's probably just normal coke actually, it probably wasn't a problem, but you know, you get in your mind the idea of what could have grown in that coke can, like how disgusting could it have gotten in there, and then I just took a big old gulp of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, my mom sends me pictures of what she's up to all the time. You know, going to a garden center, and hanging out with my dad in the garden, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard a theory this week that it was that chick from Goof Troop that made everyone into furries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goof Troop. Oh, it's got Goofy in it. What's her name? Roxanne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We accidentally furried up a bunch of people and ever since it's just gotten worse, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have that viewpoint, or at least be able to express that viewpoint confidently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's succinctly as well in like these very small, it's a very, it's very short form comics, you know, it's almost like the whole joke is there in a single frame often. Yeah. Now they know, it takes, it's quite a lot of, you know, a picture paints a thousand words, you know, that's what they say. Yeah. And a chart paints a thousand pictures. Yeah. Uh, which is even better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want to use, well, you want to keep her browsing safe as well, because you don't want to know what...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On your phone, on your iPad, on your computer, on your TV, uhm, with just a single app. Very easy. Don't need any technical know-how, uh, your grandparents could do it if they wanted to. Boom. So there you go. Uh, please protect yourself with the VPN that we use here at the Triforce Podcast. You could use the link expressvpn.com


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other end of the spectrum is the copy of a game that's been, just the same game, again and again. Like, I've played Days Gone this week on Steam. I've put like 40 hours in, so I've played it. Fair BS. That's a lot for me these days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's basically this third person action adventure in the vein of every game on the PlayStation since 2000. Yeah. You know, it all feels like, you know, it's the same, you walk around in third person, you shoot zombies. Yeah. It's like The Last of Us or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uncharted, or uh, it feels, actually felt to me like a little, a bit like, uh, like a bad version of Death Stranding in a sense, because it's kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're driving around delivering stuff to people, you know, kind of in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Uh, not really. Sort of hunting bounties mostly. But it's the same mechanic. It's go the here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in that case, this is very tolerable. I'd say this game is fairly tolerable. Other people might disagree, but I felt like it has got a good story, but you have to trek through a lot of fairly repetitive, tedious gameplay to get there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's, but I actually sort of didn't mind that, that repetitive gameplay. I wanted to shoot some zombies in the head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With various guns and hit them with spiky baseball bats and stuff like this. I've just felt like I was in the mood for smacking some zombies after watching Army of the Dead last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I, I honestly enjoyed this game more than that movie. So, yeah, like, I, I, it's, the story kind of, it's not, it's predictable and obvious and like, kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, very tropey, very standard, and then it does sort of, it does sort of take an odd


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] narrative choice in the game. See, it feels like it's gonna be one thing, like, oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you'll go to, you'll go, it'll turn into some subnautica-y lab stuff, suddenly, and, you know, then you'll be doing this, this thing, and there'll be, you'll discover all this stuff, but no, it kinda just stays mostly in the wilderness, people are struggling to survive. I wouldn't not recommend it. I think, I, initially...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was bored by it, but it just sort of kept, it also kept going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought the game was about to end, and then it was like, oh no, here's this whole new region, where you're doing all the same stuff you're doing, but in a new region.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it was such a... I don't know, it just worked, like, as a fun thing. In a sense, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, weirdly, I don't think it was supposed to work as well as it did with the bit of the story, because once the story was over, I was like, oh man, I don't want any more story for now, I'm kind of done, I'm just gonna play the game for a bit, and then I can have another hour of story now, and then like another bit


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause your character is like, uhm, the part of some weird guy and so as a result his bio-matter like affects these monsters so you can like, you can scare him away with your own blood and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shitty shacks, with a couple of zombies in, and nothing to even loot, no story, nothing to pick up, no collectibles, like kind of, well they are a son in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like a guy trapped in a car with like two zombies outside, you kill the zombies, and he has this incredibly, it's like Morrowind level fucking conversation with you at the end where the worst voice acted guy goes


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really weird as well how like, I mean the game is like, it's got like, it's got like four areas basically, and the three areas that you start with and you do, you think are the only areas, right, until sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 14 hours or 45 hours. You know, I played this game for 40 hours and I just opened up this brand new fucking zone and I'm like Christ!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever, like, I'm happy, it's not, I'm not angry that my game has content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm, I'm, it's kind of just, it's not, it's just, I, you just, I'm just wondering, cause you don't know when you buy a game, like, what, what, almost like what's gonna be in there anymore, unless you check sort of Steam beforehand, and they're like, yeah, this is, this game's 7 hours, but overwhelmingly positive, it's worth playing, and it's like, you know, still 25 quid, you're like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That magic is so cool, like when you get, like this, you do experience it sometimes in, like in No Man's Sky and in various other things where you, you get on, you get this reveal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you just got burned one too many times, yeah, by it. I dunno, cause it did have a very shaky start. But no, I came back to it relatively recently and I was very impressed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most games have that, right? There's these, these, this moment where you're like, damn, this is a cool place where I am. And yeah, it's nice to hold onto those. I do want to still check out Subnautica.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're supposed to sort of, you're supposed to sort of die on the first boss and then you kill the first boss and get enough stuff to get to say, yeah. So, so in a sense, like it's still 60 hours, but it's the way it's built or should be built is that you eventually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What brand of jab did you have? So I went up to Clifton, which is the nicest area of Bristol, the opposite of in the centre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably did need to do stuff when it was hopeless people. But yea, it's so idiot-proof, you just sort of blunder in, fill out a form, sit down, everyone's done it, you know how it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, it was just, it was just so, it's such a nice setting, this school. I had it done in like, it was like beautiful trees and like, I was just like, what kids are going to school in this place? The best kind of kids. So I walked all the way back home, which, it's about, it's about,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then I walked home and just fell asleep on my sofa and woke up about 10 o'clock at night feeling like shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yes, the next day I just felt really, well I think, I think I just felt fucked up because I had messed up my sleep pattern. Wait, what jab did you get again?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I felt bad, real bad after the first one. I'm just so glad I didn't have Covid, cause if the fucking jab knocked me out that hard, then fucking Covid could be a nightmare. I try not to think about it, it was so bad. Yeah, Flax actually did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's true. I did uhm, so I noticed yesterday when I was with films that Trot is doing uhm, I don't know how long he's doing, but I think he was like a couple of days into fasting. And he had this kind of slightly dazed look about him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like, I feel like it's, in my mind, I've been eating every day, three square meals a day for 37 years, and when someone tells me, oh your body will be fine, I'm like, my body's forgotten how to not eat, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have the, I don't feel like I can just, on a dime, I'm not, I'm not just not confident that my body will be able to keep up. I was before I'd had the Covid thing, but after that I'm like, I'm less confident, and so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not gonna be supportive. He was frozen in ice for 36 hours. It's fine. It's fine. All this is fine. He was, he was, I mean, these are all endurance things, they're not magic. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants something that he could fucking conceivably win. That's the thing. Just think it selfishly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you've got longer legs, uhm, there's more chance you're gonna get tangled up on the, on the, the dirtle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was this guy called Laszlo Polgar. He was a Hungarian educational psychologist and chess master, right? He was a very good chess player. And he had this idea that he was an educational psychologist, so he was really interested in how to train kids and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is incorrect, but here's what actually happened. His claim was that if you start training a child, this is this premise that he had, any child has the innate capacity to become a genius in any chosen field as long as their education starts before their third birthday and they begin to specialize at six.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I tell you what, his, uh, his four year old daughter, when she was four, she quite liked the little chess pieces and she thought this is fun. He, he, everyone said this is bullshit, Lazlo. This is never gonna work, mate. Your daughters are never gonna be chess grandmasters. Women can't play chess. You're an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His- his three daughters were considered some of the best female chess players of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His, his oldest daughter is considered the best female player of all time. She was the only one ever to be in the top 10. And his, his, his, his second daughter was the second best chess player of all time. And her name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's also, if you're good at something, if you're good at something, that has to, that has to make it more pleasurable than if you're shit. I mean, if your kids, by the time they're 15, are considered the worst chess players of all time, maybe it's time to give up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they wouldn't do it. But from an early age winning things, it's like, that's hype.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? That always felt like bullshit to me when there were kids at my school who for one of their A levels, they would take whatever language their parents spoke. So there was a kid who had German parents and he took German A level and of course he got a fucking A. That's like, you know, that's going to help him get into university. What fucking cheat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It always amazed me, the kids who, uh, who did those subjects at school. Like, uh, their timetable was just maths, maths, maths, like every lesson, every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I read the other day, I, I saw this thing the other day, uhm, about a cure for phobias, which is interesting. And it's just, just talking about how the brain works. And what they've come up with is this new technique where they get you to be fucking shit scared of like a thing that you have a phobia of. So let's say you were really scared of spiders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They expose you to that spider for a couple of minutes, get you good and scared, and then they give you this beta blocker or like some kind of pharmacological thing, and it gives you amnesia of that fear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when it's calling it up, you block it with this drug and it doesn't put anything back. So it's like, it's like recalling that old file to stick a new bit on the end and at that point you give them the drug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Through platform games, which I thought was quite, quite sweet really. They were like, we must break into the video game market and spread the word of the lord. But the games they came up with were just all shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I feel like if they really want to do it, they must have. The Catholic Church has got a ton of money. They all have. Invest in a good game. Christ night. And it's like Fortnite, but you have to go around blessing people instead of shooting them or whatever and giving arms to the poor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, if the Mormons, if the Mormons built a spaceship and fucked off to another planet, I'd be cool with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I'm just thinking, they're on this advanced starship, right? Technology up the arse. And in their spare time, what do they do? Data does a little painting and plays the- there's an instrument that he plays. Uh, fucking the captain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the holodeck. I don't know what- I mean, Deanna Troy and uh, and the rest of the women on the ship don't seem to have any fucking hobbies. No. As far as I can tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've heard, you know, I've heard all these great reviews and stuff, and like I said, I did try to play it, but it just drove me up the wall. It was like, it was just, the dialogue and all the descriptions and everything was so excessive that I just thought, I haven't actually got time to fucking think. It's just so much just wank thrown at you. That was how I felt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tell you what, I had a fucking great weekend, lads. Nice. A great weekend. I went out into London, two days, back to back days. Wow. And one day I went out, we saw a friend of ours, uhm, and then I met up with some other mates of mine who live in London.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Went out all day, like, got pretty drunk, went out in the evening, had dinner and everything. And then the next day me and Messy Zeph went into town and had lunch and everything, and it was just fucking great to be out and about again. It really was. Like, just really, really, it was great. It was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone seemed very happy. A lot of happiness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, it's crazy. I mean, when they bring in, uh, what is it they say that, uh, there are all kinds of cities promising that they're gonna be electric car only and stuff like that, and there's a whole bunch of hoo-har about, uuuh, fucking firemen are just taking over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if you can't look at the rise of things like asthma and, and not accept that there is a lot of air pollution and that there's a lot of asthma in kids and it's fucking awful and you're breathing it in, like if you could just show people, like that, this is what I breathed in in one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is. Yep, I love it. Uhm, I think that, I know that there are, uh, there are people at Mrs. F's place that, uh, have moved way out and they sort of keep having these meetings where they're saying, so how often do you want to come into the office? And everyone's like, mmmm, once a week? And they're like, hmmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, here's the thing, I was thinking about that, and I was thinking, that's kind of a, that's like the way people get promoted in movies, where, you know, they're in the right time and the right place, like in Big, when Tom Hanks just bumps into the boss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he gets up and he says something to him, like, uh, And then he just says, hey, come, why don't you sit in on a big meeting with us with all the executives and talk about toys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like head of year, I think in a larger school you might have head of subject, so, or maybe that might be a university thing. Like we had, there was a head of year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could- you should do a talk where you put the word bureaucratic up and then like someone puts their hand up. Yeah? Sorry, questions are at the end, but can I help you? And they're like, yeah, it's bureaucratic. And you're like, is it? Or is the system broken? Second slide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know a lot of folks have that. Vice president of sales. Vice president in charge of coffee. That's a good one. I understand what you're saying. You're saying that when you promote people who are doing really well, they're no longer doing that work that they were doing really well, and now they're doing something else. And that's not good for them. No, but they can also say, I'd like to keep my current responsibilities. But for example, you might have a system, and I know a few companies like this, where you do get bumped up, and you're still doing that work, but now you're also expected to do


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More work. Like you're also expected to do project management and stuff like that. So the thing is if you have someone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done one thing that you think is bonkers. When they do something else and also say this is amazing, it's also-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want you to try it for the next week, and report back on the next Triforce about- about- I tried- I tried-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I always turn it on first. You always do it first, you never forget. That's my habit. That's my habit is I turn it on from outside. So I've, I've, we got like a sliding door and I reach in, turn on the shower, close the door. Sometimes I'll, I'll, I'll use the toilet and then go in the shower. Cause that way I know it's, it's ready to go and I can get nice and clean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm still going to the gym and I've been going, I've been doing our garden. Yeah. We had to, cause we had the garden done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you hear about this creature that they found frozen in ice that lived for like 30,000 years? Wow. And then it's still, like it defrosted and it's still going. Like it's pretty nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be something. No, it's like a little, uh, it had a weird name. ROTIFERS. ROTIFERS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was asleep essentially. Here we go. Wow. So this is a microscopic worm-like creature, so not that interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just noticed, sorry, there's a, on the problem page on this, uh, article I'm reading, there's a, obviously a, an e, uh, they've had a message from a Triforce fan, uh, my girlfriend and I are extremely happy together, but she told me that two of her exes had a bigger penis than me. P.S. Love the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there is a lot of self-regulating industries, especially in America, where they convince politicians that, well, the best people to know if what we're doing is appropriate is us. We know what we're doing. And everyone, and they go, oh yeah. But of course they don't just go, oh yeah. They go, ah, give me a load of money and I'll agree with you. And they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking of models, I've been, this is the nerdiest thing that I watch on YouTube, and I watch a lot of nerdy shit on YouTube. There is a tabletop World War II miniatures game called Bolt Action.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have any street cred. I watch videos of like an hour and a half long of the full after action report of some skirmish between


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the soviet flag, like that, as part of a unit. Go ahead and look at some of the armies that aren't available. You'll need to do probably two or three squads of lads. You'll need a vehicle or two, a machine gun, mortar, sponsors, an officer, and maybe a fixed emplacement gun, like an anti-tank gun or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This comes with, look at this, this comes with loads of lance, machine gun, mortar, tank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what's interesting to me is that whatever happens with this GameStop stuff, there is a group of people out there on the internet who are organizing and their sole motivation, actually they have two, one of them is to try and make money, but the other one is to fuck over these companies. I think it's really interesting that their biggest driving factor is can we fuck these guys over?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but all the, all the, like, there was loads of stuff in the press, all the financial guys coming out and saying, oh, these people are ridiculous, all these games are rubbish, and this is all fine, and these poor companies, and I'm thinking, this is, this is people power, man, you know, this is, this is the, THE PEOPLE stepping out and telling them to fuck off. I'm on their side 100%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What scares me when people say, remortgage my house for this, guys, and post a picture of how much they've bought, and I just think, please don't, don't do that. Like, if you have the money, that's fine, but please, please don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everyone, welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Oh, it's wonderful to be here with you. We're back. We're back. Uh, Sips, hello. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome back. Welcome back. Hello. Welcome back. Welcome. Good morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Well, it was more because Mark was kind of this strange long noise that was more tricky to sync up than a monosyllabic sound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well like the sound of a caveman thumping another caveman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the idea of me holding up a picture of cave painting of Pamela Anderson to you, and you guys going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' crying and shit, that's hilarious. Oh man, oh man. It's just animal instinct, you know, excitement, you know. I think that, I think that, you know, if you met a caveman, you know, from 20,000 years ago, was it 100,000 years ago? Show them a picture of Pamela Anderson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it doesn't have to be Pam, it could be like, just two Pamela and maybe David Hasselhoff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just gonna have to put up with it, unfortunately. Basement excavation apparently is absolute hell for neighbours. Because it's a thing that apparently, I don't know, I assume you do need permission for it, but it's like one of those things that's quite often given permission because it's not visual, right? You're like, well, just dig out the basement, doesn't sound that bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, you know, it's not gonna blight the skyline, you don't have to have a scaffold, you know, you don't have to. But actually, apparently it's a real, a real ball ache. It is a real ball ache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why with packing tape, the couple can enter the room via any number of holes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, like, most of the time they have an architect, right, who's sat on some weird designs that they created at uni or whatever, and they


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've spent extra money to kind of retain period features, or whatever, and so it's like... In this couple's front room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, single joining room...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People do, like, money, and they will just do things that are cheaper. Because, you know, as soon as London house prices reach a certain amount per square foot, it's obviously suddenly cheaper to dig out the basement, or dig out the garden. How low can you go, though? Put a layer of turf on top of the roof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like, I never, I don't like, I don't really like living underground. I dunno, with the lack of, like, windows and stuff. I get it for a cinema room, maybe, and maybe a swimming pool, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've not seen a single article about this, or any awareness of it at all. I think it's all very locked up under copyrighted, you know, broadcast works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last year's champion! It's Colin! You know? Like, it's not... But I like where you're going, cause you could rename, like, the flop, and the turn to, like, the tick, and the tock. Yessss! Yessss! You could get some sponsorships in, and you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think this is ad-libbed, or do you think this is written?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, like, there's two different things, right? One is when you have someone like Don Draper being of his time, and using that to, either using the nasty things he says to put him in his time, or make him a bad character. Like, if a nasty character says nasty things,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's okay. In a sense. Because it's him, it's the character saying them, right? Not the hero. Not the guy that we aspire to be. It's the bad guy saying it. Right? And so it's like, this is what you don't do because this is what the bad guy does. When it's the hero, there's a different


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm surprised as late as the, I mean I guess it was just a socially conservative time, the late 80s, especially there was a lot of response to, I dunno,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is saying the n-word casually, uhm, I think, and uhm, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, yeah. I can't- that'll be what it is in 20 years. It's gonna be looking back at these old episodes, looking at every time Lewis called P-Flax an egg. Yeah. And just like fucking- I'm waiting. I can't believe Lewis called P-Flax an egg. That's so insensitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I think that if you deliver a really bad, awkward, like, offensive joke well enough, I think you could trick a lot of people into laughing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gentlemen, the holidays have come early because Manscaped, the leading men's hygiene brand, has launched some new products for you to use. Finally!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And balls, this holiday season, you will never feel the same way. If you go to manscaped.com slash triforce, you can get yourself a little gift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there is all sorts of good stuff, uh, you can get the manscape performance package, but there's also a whole load of new stuff. There's a lovely coconut water, uh, shampoo and conditioner with sea kelp extract.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get 20% off of free shipping at manscaped.com slash triforce. Clean up your candy cane this year with Manscaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I got some news articles that I read that I thought you might be interested in. Uhm, what is the optimal bedtime hour to reduce the risk of heart attacks and strokes? What, in children? Is it ten o'clock? No, in people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No there's not, there's only two hundred models, uh, they were sold in kits, you had to put them together yourself. Oh, right. Um, and this one had a rare Hawaiian Koa wood case added by a California computer retailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like all smooth wood, it's very weird looking. But the volleyball sold for 300,000. Can you believe it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, no. Pizza ovens, hot tubs, and gaming equipment. Which one do Britons most regret buying? I'm gonna say hot tub. It's gotta be the pizza oven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pete, a lot of people did buy hot tubs, uhm, and the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, insurance companies noticed accidental claims of damage, from parasols crashing into birds pecking holes, that increased three times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fire pits and pizza ovens have caused a 20% rise in fires. So, yeah, be careful with your shed burning down due to a pizza oven outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just love the idea of the sylvanian families just playing around on, on you. Like, like, like you being like the... You wanted to come alive and use your body as a playground. ...the land for the sylvanian families.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, fucks sake. I got one more piece of news for you. Okay, one more piece of news, let's do it. Okay, yeah. So, uh, some news from Japan this week. Ah, here we go. There was a Japanese train driver who was docked pay for causing a one minute delay to a train. I thought it was going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he sued, uh, the employer, uh, claiming mental anguish over being docked pegs. It really stressed him out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Question for you is how many passengers were affected by the incident? Three. Was it, uhm, none as the train was empty or the 56 passengers on the train or 14,000 people for causing delays?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, he got upset because it stressed him out, and he refused to accept.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, his reduced pay and sued them for 56 yen, uh, in unpaid wages. I thought he said it was 55, so he sued for an additional one? Well he was docked 85 yen, but he's suing them for 56 yen, so I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I think it's amazing because every experience is completely brand new and because they can't remember stuff yet, it seems new every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it's a wonderful little existence. And then as they start to come out of their, their sort of baby, pure baby phase and start to learn things and, and give you little looks and expressions and smile when they see you, it's wonderful. It's wonderful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a thing, in Greece, they are out of space to bury people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if I went to a funeral and there was archery involved, that'd be great. It's like, you know, you could wage a bet. I reckon, uh, you know, big, uh, s-floor's gonna get this one and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you'd have to read the room. It's dependent on the room. If everyone's having a great time, you can sort of, you know, wear your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all you need. You know, speaking of old timey stuff, I went to see Hamlet last night. Oh nice. Did you? Yeah, I went to Windsor Theatre, uh, with Mrs. F. It was our 20th anniversary yesterday. Oh, congrats. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he is. But, he's playing Hamlet, right? It's what they call an age-blind performance. So in other words, old people. And it's like, it's like gender-blind and race-blind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can have any actor in any role. Uh, so you got women playing men, you can have men playing women, you can have old people playing young people, young people playing old people and so on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh don't spoil it, it's not a Netflix limited series, it's there forever. It was good, I mean there's a lot of sayings and things that came from Shakespeare, but in Hamlet in particular, there's loads, to thine own self be true, if you ever heard that saying, that's one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, something is rotten in the state of Denmark, that's obviously from Hamlet. Murder most foul, if you've ever heard that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a million, obviously to be or not to be. Uh, the lady doth protest too much, that's from Hamlet. Hoist with his own petard, that is as well. There's like a million, honestly, you could go on forever about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, obviously all the, all the, the flame, the famous ones from, from, uh, there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. So more things in heaven and earth. You hear people say that all the time. Brevity is the soul of wit, that's from Hamlet. Uh, one may smile and smile and be a villain. Um, there's like, it just goes on. It goes on and on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there was a lady behind us who had quite loud conversations in the middle of quite important speeches with whoever she was with. Uhm, so she would say things like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would hear his say, oh, he's always, he's always like that, isn't he? Oh, he's awful. And on this one time, so they, they had a, one of the actors had a very clear voice and she said, she's always so clear, isn't she? That was what she said in the middle of the play at like that kind of volume, so everyone around her can hear her say to her partner, she's always so clear, isn't she? And it was weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His speeches were a little bit lost in, uh, you know, an old man's voice is not as, um, as virile as a younger person, so occasionally the Hamlet speeches and things like that would deliver, he delivered them a very naturalistic kind of off-the-cuff style.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just kinda did it as an aside quite often on the important speeches and focused more on the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the regular stuff, but you honestly were straining to hear him quite often. So that was not only her commenting on how well one actor projected, but by implication how poorly, uh, Ian McKellen was doing. But then when he did the to be or not to be speech, uh, this guy behind me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finished the speech, like did the next line and was obviously very pleased with himself. So Ian McKellen goes, to be or not to be? And the guy behind me goes, that is the question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think if you want a miniature tree, you just stick it in like a good hard terracotta pot, and it will, once its roots get to a certain point, it obviously thinks, oh, there's no point getting any bigger, and just sort of stops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and yeaah, it's odd. Trees are incredible, really. You can take a clip from some and just stick it in the ground and it'll keep going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's a, there's a tree in, uh, Mauble Hill that's about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's about 300 years old. It's just, they've helped it out. Because the branches get so long and heavy that they sort of have to tie metal sort of lines around the long branches and tether those to the, uh, the trunk to stop the poor thing falling over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I guess it's, like, and there were cactuses in Kew Gardens that were fucking massive, and they'd had to do the same. It had some big branch that they'd had to tether to itself, because it just supported it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the wild, it would just fall, that bit would just fall off. Uhm, and I guess- But we're here, we're here to give you support. Yea, we're here to help, and it's beautiful and it's old, so let's help preserve it. But uhm, you know, trees live a long time and then they die, that's pretty much the way it goes. But sometimes you can, I mean, there are creosote bushes, I think creosote bushes.


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[Assistant] Someone, someone will fucking correct me. I think they're one of the longest living organisms. I think there's some that are like thousands of years old or something.


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[Assistant] I see, that's the thing, I think we have a vision, obviously, just a little caveat here, Paul Harrell style, we don't know, alright, we're not experts in history, I'm confident in saying that none of the three of us really know a huge amount about Columbus. Are we comfortable with that statement? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.


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[Assistant] And, uh, the Spanish queen sent him off with some money and said go and fucking find a route to, to China. And, uh, he did and they, they thought, oh, he was India. He was India. And, uh, that's why they called it the West Indies. Cause he thought it was India or something like that. These things might be apocryphal. And yeah, so they,


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, there's a huge amount of stuff written about Columbus. Good guy, bad guy stuff, you know, who knows? Uhm, but it's, uh, it's bizarre to think that


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[Assistant] We discovered, yea, that thousands of years of sheeple believing that the earth was, was, was round thanks to some, some-


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[Assistant] See, that's the thing with it. People always say to me when I get angry about flat earthers and stuff is, why do you care? They just believe something harmless. This is like a gateway drug to genuine anti-civilization lunacy, like people pumping


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[Assistant] End up in hospital, there's all these, uh, there's a Reddit, uhm, subreddit, and there's a bunch of Twitter accounts that post.


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[Assistant] Everybody please pray for me, I've got the rona and it's super bad and I'm probably gonna die. And then a post from a loved one saying we lost them. Like this is hap- this is happening. So I have no problem with people thinking the earth is flat, really. I think they're fucking idiots, please don't ever, you know, think otherwise. But it's not a dangerous belief. The way anti-vaxxers is a genuinely dangerous


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[Assistant] We just trust this off-the-shelf drug, uh, that treats animals. We're gonna take that. What, what is going on? Who are these people influencing people to that degree that they have abandoned reason and they're gonna take this? I don't get it.


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[Assistant] And I think they must have thought, like, they were looking for another route round there that didn't involve Schleppin all the way around Africa and all the way around India to get to China. They thought, what if we, the China's got sea?


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[Assistant] What if we go left, we'll come onto their right side, easy peasy. We'll go west and we'll go to the east. Simple. And then they bumped into this other gigantic landmass that is the Americas and they were like, oh shit, and there's fucking people here already. How mind blowing that must have been.


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[Assistant] If it was, do you guys remember Coronization, the one set around the American Civil War? If you went, you could go and dig up the Incan, uh, treasures, and you'd have these giant wagons of gold that you had to take back, whack them on a galleon, and ship them back to Europe. Man, I loved that game, that was such a good game.


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[Assistant] But the remake didn't have the same, there was something about it, the original, I just want the original, with the graphics for it was so good, like the way the cigars looked, the way the soldiers looked, the way the ships looked was so perfect. It was classic pixel art.


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[Assistant] They're like, yup. Fair enough. That's why people have, uh, the cameras. I've got a camera. Because people do the crash for cash. My mum's always warning me about it because she watches all those fucking daytime TV shows.


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[Assistant] Now, do you reckon she came up with that on the spot or do you reckon that she was whilst that she was planning it, she's thinking how can I get this guy to move without confronting him in a direct way and also kind of having an impressive


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[Assistant] Uhm, and this is, it's such a weird game. There are certain games that I find if I'm streaming them or if I'm playing them, uh, like someone in chat put it really well. They said that for 11 months of the year, I say it's the worst game ever and I hate it and I'm never playing it again. And then I'll-


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's exactly, yeah, it is. But now, we've set up this league, uhm,


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[Assistant] Now with Blood Bowl for the foreseeable. Like I thought I'd just play it for a few weeks and then be done like this guy said in chat. But now I realise I've got an albatross around my neck and it's Blood Bowl. And Blood Bowl 3's coming out soon, I'm gonna fucking play that as well. So I thought it was just dipping my toe in, but instead I've fallen into a giant trap.


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[Assistant] Can I, uh, can I just drop a little, a little crazy piece of trivia?


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[Assistant] She's also famous. He is 75, she's 60. They got married three years ago. When did this happen? Well, obviously that happened three years ago, but I'm saying wha- wha- in what world is that a- is that a- I- I- I'm blown away.


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[Assistant] And they finally settled on the grumpy, I believe irascible would be a word for Neil Young. He's never struck me as much fun, Neil Young. He's grumpy, serious man. And Terrell Hanna has married him. I'm just intrigued by that relationship.


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[Assistant] I don't know, uh, why, but my kids will wear something once and then throw it in the wash, regardless of what that is.


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[Assistant] I mean, I'm absolutely on board with all your school clothes when you get home, whoomp, in they go. Unless, like, if it's trousers or something, have you got schmutz on them? Could you wear them again? Yes, that'll do. But anything that's got stuff on it, they've always got like food on the collar, spilled some paint on the front.


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[Assistant] But no, like, my oldest is a secondary school, uhm, she's starting year 8, my, uh, youngest is in year 5, so they're not at the...


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[Assistant] Uhm, a cardigan, you wore it once, you took it off as soon as you got to school, that doesn't need to go in the wash, but it does.


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[Assistant] It is strange. But my mum is really struggling with, uh, differences between kids in 2021 and I guess the way I was raised in the 70s and early 80s. So for example, she really lost her shit yesterday because, um, when