[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, even with the stand up, which I, I just love doing it, but I felt like he can take this ball now and run with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can't really, even the young SJWs who find everything offensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. He can get away with some shit. He's a war vet. He's got one leg. He's got PTSD. Do you know what I mean? He's shell shocked. He doesn't give a fuck. And those youngsters are going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's been around, and I've been around long enough to know that life is cyclical and things come and go. And every time we think we've solved something, we really haven't, we've just fucked it up in a different way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The late 80s, early 90s is exactly like this time. I also feel like that was a time when there was enormous social and cultural change. You had, you had the AIDS epidemic, you had the collapse of the Berlin Wall, right, the end of the Soviet Union, you had Tiananmen Square, you had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Massive, massive changes. And today we're in a very similar time. And uhm, I think we're going, we're, I think the bubble's about to pop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is needed, because the truth is, it's like I'm doing it out of love, and I'm doing it out of knowledge, and I'm not doing it just to be an asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I think they understand the intent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know that I'm talking to them one-on-one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As like going, ladies, what the fuck are you doing? It's going too far. And I think women understand that when I say it, I'm not, I'm talking to them as an equal. Like going, I know when you're being an asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I think the asshole behavior of women right now, I'm calling them on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only a gay man could do that. Of course. And I really do, I'm doing it out of love and I'm doing it out of, I think I see women in a different way than straight men do because I'm not after pussy. Yea, you're free. And I understand males. Males, everything's about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I don't have to flatter women so that their legs remain open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lyric Hyperion, every Tuesday. Oh shit, every Tuesday. So that we should come see it. Yes, you should. Yeah. I, I did, uh, the preview two nights ago went great, but starting April 2nd it'll be every Tuesday for six weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right, and actually they've done studies which the hard left doesn't want to look at, which is that it's actually people that are non-white that are most sick of political correctness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's just nonsense. It really is. And every time I do like race, I do tons of race material.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like they, you watch the white ones that are uptight and they won't laugh until someone who's not white laughs. Which gives them permission. Like Kevin and, Kevin McDonald did a tour years ago called Two Kids One Hall where we both toured and did stand up and I had a route, I had a, it was in San Francisco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I talk about cancer. Not our crowds though. I'm a cancer survivor and I talk about losing my hair and I do this whole routine about, you see, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And black women fucking love it! And then I go, uhm, well, you know, you see, I ever see a, you know, a black woman that's bald, you're like, fierce. White woman, cancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always. I remember one time we were in Portland and Kevin was doing the same joke. The same joke. Another white woman jumped up and started screaming at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so difficult. Well, Buddy, Buddy doesn't give a fuck. Buddy doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, he can take it out. It's, it's sometimes I'm up there going,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well she should be- she- she's- Well you know we actually- That's a criminal. She's a criminal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now she, mm, yeaah, she farts with me. Now, actually, that's gone now. She can barely communicate now, but there was a period when she would be like, every time I would see her, she'd be like, oooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's sort of, uh, I don't know if they do it anymore. I don't think they do because I don't think parents would allow this to happen to their children anymore. They wouldn't give their kids to the government for a year and say take them to a godforsaken third world country and dump them with a family in the middle of a jungle and we'll see them in a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd never been out of my, I'd never left the country, I'd never been on a plane, I'd never seen an ocean, I'd never, I didn't know anybody that wasn't white.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They thought I would probably be in like a middle class home in Manila or something. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, they had, if they knew...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, the things that we saw, it blew my mind, it changed me irrevocably. In many ways for the good, because for one thing is, as a young person, like a young white person from a first world country,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. People are the same. Not, not me seeing it on paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But feeling it viscerally like, oh my God, they really are the same. We really do want the same things. Everyone and wow, what an unfair world we live in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so for that, in many ways it burned off any kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] White guilt I had, or any of that thing. It just, it changed everything. Cause I went, this family took me in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they adopted me pretty much. And I didn't, they didn't speak English. I didn't know what was going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You spent half the year with one of them, as a counterpart, in a part of the country you're not from, right? So the first part is, they throw you in, so I went to Northern Alberta, and I was adopted, me and Joji, we were, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I live, we live with a farm family and they, they took us in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And their idea, and part of the country you're not from, so you learn about your country. And then you go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is kind of a thing. It's a very Canadian kind of a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just to allow Canadians to understand, because in Canada, we have a very different way of looking at the world. We are deeply pro-immigrant. We, we understand that we are the second people to arrive. That we have, right? That most of us are immigrants. We've, we've, we've, we have a, I think,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they, basically the idea was just to foster awareness. That's it. To basically under, it's just to build understanding between races, between uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, here's the thing, no, I did not have sex at all. Really? No, no. And here's the thing, but it was my first experience to homosexuality. Was there? It was your first in the Philippines? Yes. And it was, but it was in a very, very culturally different way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they have a thing called the bakla, which are, and it's very much like in India has that, with the, and the, it's basically the third sex. Oh, right, yeaah. And, and, and so, basically- So the what? They call it the third sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, people with both. Like bird-ash, which is a Native American way of describing homosexuals, which is what I really do believe we are. I-I-I don't get lost in any of this modern talk about gender. I don't- I find it all kind of nonsense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they had a thing in the village where I lived, you know, homosexuality was very, very bad. But if you were a man and you wanted to live as a woman, you could be accepted. Oh. But you could not live as a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So every village in this, in the country, and I lived in the rural parts of the Philippines, they would have these, they would have men who would dress as women. They weren't considered women, they weren't, they weren't, they were called baklas. And they were openly homosexual men, but they had to behave in a way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you pretend to be a lady, you'd be accepted. And that's quite common in many parts of the world. And so I don't really like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know, but I'm sure it's changed now drastically, but no, I was in love with a soldier in the country was in military rule, but I was in love with a soldier who, who mend the barrier between the town and the villages and, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there was lots of things happening, like there was one- Sounds heavy actually. There was some heavy things, like one time when I was there, like if my parents knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't even let their kids walk to school. No. So, but I was very blessed to be one of the last free ranging children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Running Faggot is basically, it's uhm, two guys, Mark and Bruce, playing, oh there it is. They sing a song with a kind of a Daniel Boone, it's inspired by Daniel Boone. Daniel Boone was a man with a big man. This is a song about a great folk hero. And that sort of thing. Running free, running free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a, Bruce Toll came to me with it, I remember. It was when the kids in the hall had been separated by Lorne Michaels, this was written, and he thought he could take Mark and Bruce and turn them into SNL members, but it didn't work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, I remember I was visiting Bruce and Mark when they were on SNL. Cause when Lauren brought us to, brought them to New York, originally the first two, they were brought like illegally. And he paid them like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like a kind of a western cowboy kind of hero, and you're like Daniel Boone, and it's called Running Faggot, and I was like, well that sounds funny. I'll be honest, at first I was like, what? I didn't quite get it. He just told me, I want you to be like, I'm going to write this song about it, and you're just solving


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It didn't, they didn't under, it didn't really compute. You have to remember in a very different world, like in the 80s, the idea of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paying homage to a gay man was not even, not on the table in any way. It hadn't even been, it was a bill that hadn't even been introduced yet. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, like what? I mean, homosexuality was, it was open, comedy, uh, gay men in comedy were literally, it was open season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was no need for any jokes. Like I remember when I, when I first, when I was very young and I, I did go to about four or five open mics at Yuck Yucks in Toronto when I thought I could actually be a stand up comic. And I wasn't even out, but they could tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when the comedians would introduce me, eh, it's something you might know, but I'm not gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I'm an empathetic man. I'm a man full of forgiveness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't fuck with me, cause I know what you did. But they would do things like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would wipe the mic and go, I don't want to get AIDS. That's how I was introduced. Wow. Wait, introduced?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After I'd come on, they'd go, we gotta wipe the AIDS germs off. And then I would be called faggot. I mean, every time I went up, I was called a faggot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the fourth time, I, I lost it, I jumped into the audience and I got into a fight, and that was the end of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd already met the kids in the hall then, and I'm like, okay, this is, this is okay. But they would do a thing, and what you're saying is exactly true. If a guy went to the washroom during your set, all you had to do when he came, he's getting a blowjob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that would be hilarious. Or there were two names they would call men, Lance or Bruce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, Bruce. Hey, Bruce. Just say Bruce with a lisp, and that would be hilarious. And if two males were together, all you had to do was imply they were gay, and that was it, and every community would pick on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could have, and I could have, and I could have been really lame and just ask for tolerance, which is so unattractive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I honestly think we're gonna eventually, and I think anybody from a minority is feeling, I feel patronized by it. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not going to survive this HR era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I say the A word? Can I? I mean, it's ludicrous, and I think we're gonna eventually. And I also believe that diversity, it's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't think, and this whole idea, comedy space, like the Buddy Cole show, it's not a safe space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I, I do believe, I, I do believe that's, that's what comedy needs to, needs to, it needs to get its, its mojo back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the first show. For no money. Don't tell me that. We had the worst contract since the Negro Baseball League. They had a deal, such a sweetheart deal, they could play every single episode


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four full times, which means they could go through, and there's a lot of shows, 120 episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they could play that entire cycle four times before they got any, we got any residual. Damn! And so I've never received a residual from Comedy Central. All of that was done for free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they were, they had a, we had a deal that they were breaking. They would, they were not allowed to cut, they were not allowed to put commercials in between.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you know, we definitely had a bad, bad deal. But we also, the one thing we did have that was smart was that we owned our characters. But it's also why Lauren never made movies with us. Really? Because he didn't own any of our characters. That's why there's no chicken lady movie or no crushing your head movie or no buddy movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and that was, that was the biggest, that was the biggest thing that came out of us. Even that didn't get a movie. I mean Mark got to be, he put him on Saturday Night Live, but he uh, no that never, cause he never owned that character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I think that the next wave of repression is gonna come from the left too. It's gonna be them, they're gonna be the ones that are shutting those things down. I think it's gonna be fascinating to see. But I do think people are gonna go, what? They're having sex with each other? And no, that's not gonna happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I definitely, you know, and I'm certainly not one of the worst, or the best, but I definitely, I'm sure I've had way more sex than you have, without question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that your peak time? No, I never ever get sex from that way. Really? Like I don't have groupies or any. What's the peak time? Because gay men generally wouldn't come and see us. Oh right. I don't have a huge gay following. That's right. I got my sex the old fashioned way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old fashioned. Bars. Bars. Bars. Bathhouses. I was a real, here's the thing, back in the day, I was a real park queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved outdoor sex, I loved parks. And here's the thing, was this uhm, this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's funny cause I mean, I remember sometimes I would have straight friends that would like, be squeamish like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My thing was, here's, my, my, my MO was, when the bars would close, I would walk home through all the different areas where I knew men were going. Oh, so you knew. Yea, there were like, there were different, uhm, parks that I would go to, there, I shouldn't be, I mean, I'm not ashamed of it, there were different, like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you're done. And then, and this is the weird thing, and then if you see them in public, you don't even acknowledge each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want people to know what I'm, even though I talk a good game that I'm very open about everything, but I don't need, you don't need to know the particular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm certainly still open to it. Um, but I, my whole thing is here's, I think to myself, I'll get back on television and then I'll meet someone. That's how it is for me now going, cause I'm like at an age where I'm going, I gotta have a TV show now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know. I also think I probably have a woman's brain. I know that's a controversial thing to say, but I probably do. You might. And I probably have a woman, whatever a woman's heart is. You know what I'm talking about. But I have the male hormones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and testosterone is not to be monkeyed with. It really isn't. And also, I mean, estrogen and testosterone are very, very powerful things. Oh, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had to have a double mastectomy. Are you serious? I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But three years after my, after I was finished, I kept laughing. As soon as I finished my treatment and they told me I was cured, I started growing breasts. And they weren't going to take them out because they said, oh, it's just cosmetic. And I went, well, I'm sorry. If a woman loses her breasts, you pay for it. So you're going to pay for mine. I don't want tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of the hormonal journey that it gave me a real insight, especially in today's world where we're the hard left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tries to pretend that men and women are the same. And they kind of poo poo test. It's fascinating because they're like, on one thing, on one hand they're saying, oh, gender's irrelevant. Yet at the same time, we want to change our gen. Do you know what I mean? Like, how can it be both?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't have both. Is it irrelevant or relevant? You can't have both. But for me, it was a fascinating journey because I got flooded with estrogen. I became a different person. You must have. A nicer person. Did you have more


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, less energy. Less ambition, which is a very dangerous thing to say. And your sex drive also... It went away. Oh wow. I didn't want to fuck the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I have to say, that's probably as well because I was fighting cancer. But I literally lost my sex drive. I became kinder, I became more touchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a lot more rubbing people's backs. I think I became a more empathetic person. I think I became a kinder person. But I definitely, uh, and then once they, the hormones started to, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jodie Foster taxi driver tits. I was like, you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until the testosterone started coming back. How long of a process until the testosterone? Couple of years. Couple of years? Yea, because they first put me on testosterone therapy, like a patch, and that changed me, and then my sex drive started coming back. And then I had to fight the government to get my double. How long did you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they said no, it's cosmetic. And I said, if I, if you don't cover it, I'm going to go to the press.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm going to accuse the medical establishment of misandry, which is the hatred of males, which is the opposite of misogyny. I'm going to say you are saying that me having breasts is not a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when a woman loses her breast to breast cancer, the government pays for them to be reconstructed. I'm a male. I do not want breasts. So I'm, and then I said, you don't want me to make a stink about this. And so I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think it's very, as a gay man, I think I was much more, uh, uhm, open about it. Like I think a lot of straight men when they, when they, guy in a camashtia is called, I think they're ashamed of it. And they might not even talk about it, but I'm like, I don't really have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not really inhibited that way. And I went, no, I don't want this. But it was funny when I got it at Women's College Hospital, which is an all-female hospital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they do a lot of breast cancer and stuff, but they had nowhere for men to, like, they would do these breast double mastectomies on men. Very, very rare side effect, but I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What they would do was they, they, they, they, I didn't have to have my nipples actually cut off. They just went inside and they sucked out the fat that had deposited there. Then they sewed it back together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he looked at me and went, oh, that might be a problem. And I said, I don't want to lose sensation in my nipples. I love my nipples. So I did lose all sensation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take advantage of this beautiful body that we're given. Because they're afraid of it. It's fascinating to me that homophobia is so deeply rooted in males.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they can't even explore their own bum or their own nipples. Isn't that sad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six weeks. Yea, second, the ninth, the 16th, 23rd, and the 29th. The last one isn't on a Tuesday. But it'll be five or six dates, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I do. Well, Twitter's become like a just a wasteland now. Yeah, garbage dump for people. And I, as a comedian, I don't say any, I don't say boo. Ah, I heard that. They just, people are so uptight. Totally. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I, yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's got a price tag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, probably not, well, you know, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there's some women, or women out there, uhm, who really like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That there's some women, or women out there, uhm, who really like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is it that girls will date a guy that has half my wallet, half my dick, half my car, half my bank, half my personality, half my looks, half my wardrobe, half my sexual prowess, but they'll


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pass up a guy like me, who's fun, good looking, interesting, edgy, educated, and wants to be a dad. Let's talk about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vulnerable to you leaving there, bitch ass. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got in here, not even 400, man. The artwork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't thirty dollars, but thank you. This is one piece of artwork. I mean, y'all don't want to comment on the fact that I'm sitting in a thousand dollar custom movie theater chair and I have five of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, retarded, man. There's all these people under 35.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suck on my fucking testes. Uhm, all the richest men in the world wear pink. Yeah. 50 cent. True, true. Wears pink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Cruise. Mhm. Where's Pink? Alright. Simon Rex. Fuckin' where's Pink? Simon Rex. So that's what it is, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we narrowed it down. Uhm, there was hundreds that got submitted and, uh, me and Josh went through them and, uh, picked our favorites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we picked our top 8. Okay. We think it's a good representative of everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, uh, I personally, I vote, I vote for Rey, the last guy. I mean, he seems like he's most in need of a mattress. He's got a, like a metal spring poking him in the back that he's gotta lay a towel down for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, next favorite one? I'd probably say the girl that runs through all the different Y-Mage stuff. Yeah. The girl that I like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is a span of the last four episodes and something that I've been doing for the last six months is whenever someone's taking a clear sip of water, I cut to them for the duration of the sip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the last clip and it ends really nicely. No thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So right now the tentative schedule is for the other shows to be starting around February.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva Luxury Mattress, the only online mattress company that provides free delivery, setup, and mattress removal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jean, je jean, jean, jean, jean, jean, jean, jean, jean, jean, jean. That is a tycoon sent that in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are on sale right now. Uhm, you can get those at tomscura.com slash tour. Here's what's going up this week, new. Uh, we added a second show in Richmond, Virginia, June 13th. We added a second show in Hanover, Maryland, June 14th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tulsa, Oklahoma, uh, people were hitting me up why that show was canceled. It was really that I, uh, just had to switch venues. I don't know, something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Promoter based or whatever. It's the same day that it was. It's June 27th. But if you had tickets, they refunded the tickets, and now the show is available. So that's June 27th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 30th, we added a second show in Kansas City, Missouri. I'm very excited about that. And then new show announcements, Foxwoods in Connecticut, August 9th and Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, August 10th. A whole bunch of shows, more than 25 shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus cities are coming in a few weeks. They will first go out on the mailing list. If you haven't signed up, TomSegura.com, you click on the tour page, you get a prompt, throw in your email. You will have access to the tickets before social media, before the general public.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I should mention, because people have asked me about, uh, next week, there's, uh, there's basically single seats, uhm, for those late shows. So that's, uh, uh, in Pittsburgh, Cincy, in Cleveland, these seats, there might be like some single seats, there's not group seating, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then a lot of people seem to miss that the, uh, the late shows in like Madison and Milwaukee and Nashville in April, you can still get some tickets to those, but they'll fill up, they'll go, but you can get them now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then I've been asked a lot about Florida. Uh, I am coming to Florida. I have, uh, the Tampa, Tampa, no, the Tampa Theater on, uhm, March, I think it's 7th and 8th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then people keep asking about South Florida. All I have right now is the hard cock, the hard rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, the Seaman Hall Cardcock Encino, uh, that's March 9th, um, but that's the, the theater there at the, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They rebuilt it. They rebuilt the whole thing. They spent a fortune doing it. Uhm, but I'm excited to go. I'm excited. I love that place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think now the hotel is supposed to be in the shape of a guitar. Like the rooms are up in a guitar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That place is a machine, man. It's just like $50 minimum blackjack tables. It's just like, it's, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's actually, well, it might be on or off Okachope. Right, the exit of the freeway. It's technically, I guess, Hollywood, Florida. It's close to Fart-Lowderdale. Yeah. Uhm, but it's, you know, it's that area. Yeah. Uhm, and before, go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, of course. Morton's. The best steak anywhere. It was really great. I had, uhm. What entrees did you do? I had the Cajun ribeye, medium rare. We got some mushrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm glad you asked. That particular cut is a wet-aged beef, but uhm, you know, it's really up to you what you prefer. Uhm, we skipped the bread. I'm watching my waistline. But we, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had the steamed asparagus. I was trying to be a good boy. Yeah, and then I had some mushrooms and some spinaca and it was absolutely delicious. We passed on dessert too, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Morton's really, really fantastic people. Uhm, I want to also point out that our good friend, wonderful comedian who'll be with me this weekend, uh, as I go to Long Beach, Santinez, and Reno, uh, Josh Potter will be on the shows with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I, uh, I didn't promote those when I was promoting my shows. They're all sold out. But uhm, I will be, uh, uh, uh, yeah, at the shows. Josh is opening every show. He's going to be doing his own show at the Improv Lab March 22nd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The doors are at 9.30. You can get tickets now. Listen, there's a reason I brought this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, his Twitter page, right? At, is it Jay underscore Potter? Is that right? Yep. Yep. Jay, at Jay underscore Potter on Twitter. Get tickets. It's going to be Friday, March 22nd, 930 show. Very excited for you guys to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a great show. Believe me, it's a really great show. So, uh, get tickets to that. Alright, uhm, Gina, are you ready to start the show? I'm really ready. Let's, uh, let's do it, man. Let's have some fun here. Let's get started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I've seen a couple, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pussies. But mostly you see dicks out, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and for people that, uhm, used to just subscribe and they're wondering where the clips are, we put it on its own, its own feed. So you can subscribe to the, uh, your mom's house clips, is it? Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's if you just want to see highlights and if you want to, uh, uh, if you want to get the, um, the show, obviously it's still your mom's house podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen the double glasses before, yea. I think it's just cheap. I think they're being cheap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that guy knows that if he wears the two glasses together, it works out to be the prescription he needs. So he's just like, I'll just wear the two that I got instead of going and getting the proper glasses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know. I just think that like some people are always looking for the way around. Like that dude should just go to the ophthalmologist and get the test and just fucking get the glasses you need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. It's only your eyes. And you only look crazier than shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were telling me about, it reminded me so much of that time we were at the movies, and there's a guy sitting right behind me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for the duration of a 90 minute film, he had a toothpick in his mouth and he would go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like on a four second cycle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to be like you fucking piece of shit. Of course. And he was an older guy and I just had just visions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was the seat behind me and he was doing his tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. But then he started to pick it up. He was clearly running through a song in his head and I just reached around and grabbed it. I swear to God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the only thing worse than a foot tap and leg shaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I uhm, people who, who got my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Second album, uh, White Girls with Cornrows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, who the fuck is whistling right now? And I kinda lose my shit. And I go, stop fucking whistling. Well, it turns out that the guy was Mexican. And he was also a trained fighter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he reached out to me like a long time later. He was like, that's me. That's just how like we, you know, clap basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, do you really think that this, that everyone here right now is enjoying? Cause you're either oblivious or you're doing it to upset. Don't give me this shit where like, well that's how I enjoy my day. Fuck you, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's, uh, that guy, that guy always wants to shame you. He's like, well, you know, it's, uh, is it really, uh, winter coat weather? There's that guy. And then there's also the guy that makes me crazy who, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For some reason, always questions what you're eating somewhere. So there's a guy who's like, soup! You know? Right? Or he's like, salad! And you're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you're gonna, you're gonna chicken salad? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a competition for how cold it gets. It's a competition, uhm, for like how little of a layer you need. It becomes a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, yeah, yeah. And then what happens is like, then you know, even girls would do it too. I would go on a date with a girl from Ohio and I'm in DC and then, you know, I'm like, oh, I'm cold. Like, you're cold? Well, yeah. Why are you cold? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because my body's reacting to it being cold. And then she's like, this isn't cold. It's always like, you don't know cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been in Winnipeg in February. That's really cool. That's terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tough. I don't give a fuck if it started below zero. That's so weird. I'm not a chick. Yea. No, no, I uhm, yea. I definitely. Jesus Christ. I definitely will, will bundle up in cold weather. I'll sit by a heater. I don't give a shit about any of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I will say, you know, you're pretty mentally ill when it comes to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, it's, you know. Feels, that feels good. It's why people divorce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think you have a lot of problems. I think you should go get a physical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we were talking about, and I'm really excited that, uh, I'm going to celebrate this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My 40th birthday. And I'm really excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I know there's a couple uhm, like really cool car places, like experiences, racetracks, and so I was like, oh, that would be super fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what I was thinking was, like, I would go- Yeah, what were you thinking? Well, I was thinking I would celebrate having fun with my friends. Uh huh. And then afterwards I'd see you and be like, hey, what's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what, so do you think that my, my driving idea is that bad?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I should, should I be like, oh, you know what, for this year, I just want to make sure I don't have fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But didn't we say that right afterwards? We're like, oh yeah, we'll go do like, you know, husband-wife things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't a part of your... Well you're not a part of the fun part. Sure. Like the fun part happens with my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, that's fine. And then afterwards when I'm like, uuuh, you know, then I'll see the- When you're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Go to sleep. Let me just fuckin' enjoy my day and stop bothering me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go to the track with my friends. We do some laps, you know, we have a couple drinks. We get ripped. And then, I come home, you have your birthday, there's like a cake, you guys, we do the candles, blow out the candles, and then you and the kids leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that sounds like a happy 40th to me. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to have fun. No, I'm, I'm excited to, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I haven't even really, I kept waiting to turn 40.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like every year, it's like how many goddamn years I have to wait. Everybody I know is at least 40 something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He needs to be 60 to go into, to be in his element.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what do you think would be fun on my birthday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Netflix put out the four part little miniseries. And then there's a new Zac Efron movie where he plays Ted Bundy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the people that really know, I just watch crime shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really made him look bad. Okay. They, uh huh. They really. Why? Just didn't feel that balanced. Oh is it fake, fake news? Could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a fucking fool. Man, yeaah. He was really violent. He's a cool guy. He's one of the coolest, yeaah. He was so violent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but probably more- Blondes? No, brunettes. Oh, thank god. Usually brunettes. But he, uh, he claimed that he hid it in six states, but I think the, you know, they focus mostly on Washington, Utah, and Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not a fan of his. No I'm not a fan of his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, if you wanna put that out there, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not a good decision, but uhm, yeaah, he was, he didn't have any money, so he was, uh, appointed, uh, public defenders who actually were legitimately trying to get him off, uhm, and, and actually for being public defenders, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing. That's crazy. He is why, he's definitely the reason why he got the death penalty is his fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uhm, you know, in the Florida State case, he just broke into a sorority house and beat them to death. But, like, normally, he would, uhm, he would do this thing where, uh, he would wear a sling on his arm, and then, uh, be like, can you help me, like, load this into my car? Like, Silence of the Lambs. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, well there's a woman in the documentary series that got away from him. Can you imagine? Good, good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And her looking back now, she looks back and realizes how close she was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he told her if it was the sling or not, but he got her into the car and he tried to handcuff her. And she pulled away, I think she even had a handcuff on her, and she like fought like hell, scrapped and ran away and she got away from him, but you know, she obviously knew what he looked like, knew what he was driving, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know, I actually thought about you a lot because, you know, he would say things, he would go to, he would say, Hey, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you help me carry this stuff? And then it's the woman who's like, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Carries and then he shoves her in the car, beats her with a crowbar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a type that I would say went along and they were generally just like nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Can't be nice, dude. The nice people would be like, yeah, I'll help you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good. When he was, he finally confessed to the murder, he denied him for years and years and years and he confessed to them like two days before he was executed. Really? Yea, and so he's telling the story about how he got this woman girl in his car and he did the sling thing and Smart guy. I guess she had like come to, he knocked her out and she came to and she's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you the, uh, are you the Spanish tutor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was his memory. His fun little thing. He's like, yeah, you know, she, uh, she's like, are you at the Spanish theater? He's like, I don't know, I thought it was funny. Like he tells him that. It's pretty fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like it, I don't like it. This is kind of interesting. Especially before bed, no. This is kind of interesting. I don't like it. Most rapist murderers would rape and then kill, but Ted was different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he would kill and then have sex with their bodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you want to see if this is a horrible or hilarious?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, there's a very exciting, uh, political news. We don't normally talk about politics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And on this show and I know it upsets people, but some things you just can't ignore. And one of those things, Jean, is that the potential candidates for 2020 just keeps ramping up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's new people in the field every day and one who really has spoken to us on this show before somebody who we have celebrated for just being


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, uh, a really forward thinker and uhm, somebody who's, uh, I think impressed us on their own and now potentially could be the president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of the United States, if things work out, I think in everyone's best interest is one John McAfee. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] YMH alum, if you don't know, Mr. McAfee started that McAfee antivirus software and made him a very wealthy man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He eventually, uh, lived in Belize, uh, where he was accused I believe of multiple murders. Sure. Uhm, and now he's living on a boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Traveling, or yacht, traveling around the open sea to avoid the IRS, and he's also running


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one of the things that stuck out in that documentary about Mr. McAfee as he was eluding authorities and beliefs and I think trying to not be extradited back


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was uhm, that he, he had a well known fetish. And I'm not a fetish shamer. Kink shamer. I don't think that's cool. But it's still pretty interesting to learn about some people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think whatever, I'm saying that whatever turns you on turns you on. I'm not here to mock that. Sure. Or ridicule you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't know, Mr. McAfee had a rather peculiar fetish in that he would offer monies to women in the village and they would come over and well, I don't know, maybe this clip can explain it better than I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I've always been actually most uhm, just curious about how, how you don't vomit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something in his wiring, he obviously likes it, but like doesn't your biology just lead you to just automatically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, shit, not even like shit on my chest. Shit in my mouth. And then what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horrific stories. That went up as a highlight. If you want to just watch that, there's a highlight that we put out of Red Band telling the grossest story ever, and it involved him getting shit in his mouth. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope Mr. Mac, I hope, what if like, he gets elected and then they're like, oh the, like the mainstream media doesn't realize like, we're standing on the White House lawn where they've, actually the White House has erected, there's 30 hammocks down in the road garden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, I'm feeling gassy. He's like, that's what I'm talking about. I should go land my hammock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There had to be some sloppers, cause that blue shirt looks like she didn't have the best diet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would really be excited if someone was into piss, which there are, if they're like, Hey, can you piss on me? Like I'm gonna piss on you all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. As a guy too, it's like you have this little hose. It's kind of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have, I wasn't given the gift, if you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, we were talking about that before. What baby? Uhm, I had this, oh yeaah, this is so exciting. So, there's a, there's a thing where, you know, if you're lucky, you have your, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in music you get a hit song, right? Yeaah. And like people tour off of their songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, you know, I've done these specials and put out albums and I've had people request things or, you know, yell things to me. But I realized that for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that people yell at me the most, in airports, in public, driving, walking, at shows, in the hotel, 100% is bikes. I mean, bikes is literally the thing that just never, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stopped happening. Okay. So I've had a couple bike shirts and I realized that like they call me like every time I restock the store with the bike shirt, they're like, hey, it's, it's gone again. Like it's sold out. So I was like, you know, instead of like restocking it again and again with that, like why don't I just come up with new designs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did. I reached out, hired an amazing artist, and I came up, well, collectively we have three now. We have a new bike's hat, like a flex-fit baseball cap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then the, I went, I wanted to go like just over crazy on one of them. I have a champion crew neck bikes sweatshirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you guys for continuing. And some of these will be at the live shows, if you're coming to live shows. Not all of them, but it will be at some of them. We also, last week, had them put up that Water Champ mouse pad with the Try It Out stickers. Everybody was like asking me for stickers, so we finally...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, try it out guys. Uhm, he's a baller dude. So, he's, uh, we have that in there. Try it out. He's got stickers. And then there's the cool guy club. Uh, those, those were added. Crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's one more that went, oh yeaah, there was a little bit of overstock from the, uhm, the Texas run of those, uh, those uh, like, let's get physical comedy posters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So those are all there. They're all at the store. They are Tom Sigura, or excuse me, MerchMethod.com slash Tom Sigura and you can see everything in the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and by the way, if you're at live shows, because people are asking this, they do, they're doing cash only at, at the, uh, the merch tables. So, just prepare yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, hey, she's hot. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Those guys being like, hey man, that's not cool. And then the guy would be like, you're right. You're right. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to, you're going to coach that out of guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then stop, stop staring at, uh, chicks and wanting to touch them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, but that's different. I mean, it doesn't show them like assaulting people in the commercial. It shows them being like, like, like a guy who goes like, like that to the girl that walks by.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's probably homeless and crazy anyways. Yea, most guys are not going to be like, hey man, don't be disrespectful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're showing you that like, hey, there's other girls that are gross like you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one can tell you how to shave. Right. Was somebody telling you that you couldn't shave before?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why aren't all of us just a little bit like, hey, you know, grooming is a private thing. Like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, most of us just want to be able to just groom. I don't, I don't need it to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I, I trim nose. I got to trim ears now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get eyebrow hairs into my eye line, so I'll be walking around and I'm like, why do I see hairs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I don't know. To make it like, I, you know, I stand, take a knee with cat. Yeah. What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want to, here it is. I hate the spin, that's the thing. It's like when, it's like, you know, they'll be like, we're saying, it's Black History Month and Burger King cares. Get the fuck out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody cares. What they'll do is they'll do an ad where it'll show like Dr. King and then it'll like fade out and then at the very end it'll be like Burger King.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to stay out of these political things. Cause I don't understand like when people are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they, they use their platform to do the right thing, like Venus did. What? What are you talking about? They just want you to buy razors. They tricked you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you think that like it's because they care, then they tricked you. Of course. It's a trick. It's not real. They're not like sitting there at Gillette being like, I don't care if we sell razors this month. Guys have to start acting right. Like no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That part's true. I cannot believe your guy's hair. I mean, obviously I have no hair, but I'm just saying, like for a nice salon, women's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cut, blow out, whatever it's called. Hundreds of dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's, that's, or the Toms, right? Yeah. Um, there's the, uh, what's the other thing that was, uh, pretty cool? Oh, uh, a Newman, you know, Paul Newman's company, Newman's own. The dressing? Yeah, well they would donate, like, all the profits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're not being like, you know, BMW. We want to make sure everyone has a meaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright. YMH will be right back!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we are back and I am overjoyed. Definitely the happiest I've ever been doing this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all, every other guest we've ever had can go fuck themselves because we finally, the whole purpose of this podcast, actually I think we should wrap up the podcast after today. I know, it's done. This is our final episode because there's no point in continuing. We have now a legend sitting with us and my joy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the time ask me like, you know, they'll ask me about jokes and like stories. And I realized that first of all, the whole reason that I even was able to meet you or talk to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's, here's how crazy this was. So I tell this story in the special. In my first special, completely normal, I threw this joke about yelling subcane to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, I never even got to tell you afterwards that that's actually a true story. That I actually really did do that. That you were getting out of, you've been to the comedy store. Uh huh. I saw you getting out of a car. And, years ago, years before I did that, and I saw you, I was like, sup kind! Like that, I yelled it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw you turn around and that was burned into my memory as like a story. And I told it, and then the thrill was this. So when that special came out, you know, like it started to get like a little popular, a little more popular. It wasn't like some huge special, but it gave me a nice bump. And so one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the, like, a few months after I spun out, I was working the, I can't believe how much I remember this, I was working the Hartford Funny Bone, which is in Manchester, Connecticut, just outside of Hartford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so excited and uhm, and I was like, well, that's like, you know, that's, that's a perfect day, right? I was just like, that's it. Then, oh my God, I can't believe I actually have it here somewhere, but I'm probably not going to be able to find it. Then I come home and I'm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just, you know, going through my day, we're renting a guest house and I wake up and it's like, you know when you have your phone has a voicemail just on it? Like you don't see a missed call, it just has a new voicemail. It's a new voicemail from you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're staying with, you're with Russell. Uh, Russell Peters, who, Russell Peters, for people that don't know, Russell Peters,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knows and loves hip hop so much that he makes me feel like I don't like hip hop. Right. Because like, he's such a fan that I was like, I thought I was a fan. But then he'll be like, do you know who played the drums on this? I'm like, no, motherfucker, I don't know who played the drums. Like he knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean to another level. So he, uh, I guess you had, you know, you saw him and you guys, you mentioned it. He got you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That music that was during that time period, you know? Like to me it makes so much more sense now when I was a kid and like your parents would be listening to oldies and you're like, why are you listening to this old shit? And it's like, well, that was their, their formative year's music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An Instagram page where I feel like you're one of the people who, regardless of your celebrity, you're very much yourself. Like it doesn't matter that you're a famous entertainer. You share like, this is the music I like, these are the movies I like, this is my point of view on things. It really is a peek into like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like somebody can see that and be like, these are the things that have impacted you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are things I've always wanted to ask. What was like in the rotation of music that you liked as a kid, like growing up, you know, before you were actually making music?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah. Well that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, I've always also wanted to ask this to anybody who's like, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're like really skilled as an MC, when you like, you know, it feels like it comes naturally out of you. Is it, uh, a gift? Like, did you figure out that you could do this really young?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, like, if any, especially a kid that young, even hearing someone like Grandmaster Kaz, I would still feel like, yeah, my shit's nice. Like, like, you still were able to recognize how much better that guy was than you at that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're still like, I think a big part of it is that, I mean, I think most young people might not even recognize it. That, you know what I mean? That like, you probably advance so much, and then was it a matter of like, you just were like, I'm gonna go pen to paper all the time, like keep working like that? Like writing like an author would write?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have a natural, that's like, you cultivated the, uh, the confidence and shit talking, cause there's a lot of, you know, there's metaphors and punch lines and shit in your rhymes. Oh yeaah. So like, you were working that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I always wondered this too, like when somebody as like your skill level and like, you know, when you listen to like, uh, uh, most deaf qualities, guys who you're just like, wow, this is an incredible, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Command of the English language and command of words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my mind, I've always like, you know, I've never asked, but I've been curious. Did you read a lot? Like as a, were you somebody devouring books or did you just have, uh, amazing access to work? I wouldn't say I read a lot. Um, but I did read. You did read. Yeah. Yeah. And in those years where you read, like, you know what I mean? Like in your,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so this, like in battling a lot of ways, there was like strategy. You were like figuring something out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's amazing. It's such an amazing skill set. And then, the other thing I was realizing is like, you're so young, like, you get more perspective on it the older you get, like with, just in life, but when uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When like your first album came out, isn't that, that's 88? So are you 20?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Album, let alone that song. Like, so basically, because this is the thing that it hit me afterwards, I was like, oh, like, you've probably, like, you've never had a, I mean, from then, you never had a job. Like, you've been an entertainer your whole life, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had like a, you already had strong opinions at a young age. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Now, did you have any, cause like now, like hip hop is obviously this worldwide phenomenon, you know, and you're a big part of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, paving the way and getting it there. But you go back to the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I wish I could go back to being? Like go back and just be like in his entourage?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did this become, uh, was it like a, do you feel like the style, the style of what you, like, you hear was like a natural growth of whatever was in the neighborhood? You know what I mean? Like, was it like you're accentuating what you see in the neighborhood?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they definitely give you the credit, right? Yeah, for sure. And then, uh, who took it, who had the craziest? Oh, Kid. Kid and Play. Kid and Play, yeah. But he rocked it like comical though. Twice as high, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, yours was sexier. Uh, jewelry wise, now there's famous jewelers. Everybody knows jewelers names and like they're on social media and you can, you know, you can hit them up. What'd you guys do back then to get, like, how did you get all this crazy jewelry? What did you, I mean, did you have to like, you know what I mean, like find someone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I would show them pictures like this, I'd be like, I wanna get shit like this. And they were like, get the fuck out of here. And then, uhm, they gave me, uh, like a silver one with like the Virgin Mary on it. It's just not cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different songs and, uh, so one of them that I, that was like a huge one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me was, uh, Burn Hollywood Burn, which you're featured on, Public Enemy. So I was in fifth grade and this album comes out, it's called Fear of a Black Planet. And I'm wearing that t-shirt by the way to school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still have it from 5th grade. Wow, that's dope. Once a week, and I still remember my math teacher, Mr. Kenner, being like, fear of the black planet. The fuck is going on? He had no idea. So I wear it every, like every, once a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, for me it's like an album where I first like, comprehended things. I think it's because a certain age, I'm probably 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you could read all the lyrics. Right. So you can read all the lyrics. So he does, he's on a song with Ice Cube called, uh, Burn Hollywood Burn, which I actually felt like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt it in a shift in, uh, in my mind, in my own intelligence, because I feel like I understood the song. I was like, oh, like I know what the song's about, you know, like it makes sense to me, because I can read it and actually listen to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the song starts with, uh, you calling Flavor Flav, and I've always been taken by how he answers the phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've always been like, who the fuck answers the phone like this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? What? What is this? That's how he answers the phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that was, that came out before NWA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He couldn't like, uh, you know, really go through a song the way most, like an emcee, like he was not used to the breath control, the cadence, the rhythm. So they would do it in parts, like of songs. So they were like, say this part of the verse, because he wasn't comfortable even with his own voice. Oh, oh, easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The difference, it sounded like a real guy, right? Like it sounded like a real person doing it. It didn't sound like a performance. It didn't sound like a performance. Like it sounded like a dude just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so natural, like, it didn't have like a... You mean like, even though people were writing for him, it sounded like it really came from him? Yes, yes. Got you. Okay, yeah, yeah, absolutely, all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so tell me about this, so you get this huge obviously, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Following fame, you became, you've become known as basically the, the, you know, sex rapper in a way, right? Like your persona is like associated with sex. Uhm, and then you get these famous photos with Madonna. How did that come together?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Uhm, I wanted to ask you a question about, like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you collaborate on something like that burn Hollywood burn song or like the lean on me remix for the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do those, like just like as a consumer, you always go like, what, how detailed is the, like does Chuck D call you and go, I'm doing a song, this is the premise of the song, this is the theme, I want you to do a verse. That's exactly how it happened to Chuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotcha. There's always this thing about like, hit songs, uhm, there's always like stories, you know, about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes, you know, cause songs, like a great song just stays like a classic in 20, 30, 40, 50 years later, people still want to hear it. And like we talked to Gloria Stefan one time about one of her songs and she was like, I wrote that shit on the plane. We were leaving Amsterdam and we landed in London and that song was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a hit and it's like the most, so like, you know, arguably, you know, your most famous classic songs, you got a bunch, but Ain't No Half Step and Smooth Operator. When you write those songs and you actually,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you get in the studio and you record it and you actually hear playback. Do you have some sense of like, this is a fucking hit? Or are you like, you know, it's just another song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. Oh my god, man. And what about, uhm, did you, did you feel like when you guys did the symphony, like with the whole Juice Crew, did you feel like, did you know, like that's, that's pretty, like this Slammin' kind of song. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't really, I mean there aren't really songs like that anymore, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you don't really hear that. I mean, you don't really hear, actually,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the, like the staples of, uh, that era was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the idea of I'm nice, like, just as a concept, like, this whole verse is gonna be how dope I am. Like, as a skill, as a lyricist. Now, it's, you don't hear, I mean, sometimes, but not really. Like, a lot of new artists don't really do, like, here's how nice I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also, uh, uh, like a result of something being...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was a kid buying these albums, uh, you'd go into a music store and there was a section in the music store called rap, and there were 25 albums. And that was essentially everybody who had a deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's reached these incredible heights. The, you know, anything that becomes that big becomes almost over saturated in a way you have incredibly talented people and then you have, you know, there's, there's just like anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because you're obviously such a highly regarded MC, we wanted to get your opinion on some other, you know, probably uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Less represented artist, but you know. One second. Yes. C-H-I-K-A.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we would love your, you know, don't hold back. Wanna hear the real...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Opinion of what you think of some of these rappers here. Go ahead and give them a little taste of, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like give us like your, you know, wordplay, uh, choice of, you know, the rhythm case, uh, real good breath control. Uhm, in what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, what about this dude though? This dude is dope. Check him out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean listen, if you are one of these artists, you just got such an incredible endorsement from Big Daddy Kane. He basically said, you're awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Diplomatic. Who do we have here? Another rapper?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uhm, normally I would ask you what you think Christina, but we have an expert in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can even hear it when it speaks. Yeah, you can hear it. For sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing I totally regret, I have not seen you live. I've wanted to. We've tried to, uh, connect on a show out in LA. I tried to get you to one of my shows in, uh, on the East coast, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you from, cause I've done deep dives on your, uh, on YouTube from clips of you on, uh, at live shows. You are a showman. Like you believe in putting on a fucking show, which I respect the shit out of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like, I've seen you do fuckin', like a lot of today too is, I think uhm, in hip hop, not to say that everybody falls in the category, but a lot of people just will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much like stand, maybe move a little bit. You guys, you'll have dancers, you'll dance. Do you think that's part of because of you grew up watching Showman? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But you believed in like, hey man, you're at a show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and people don't, uh, uh, we, um, cause it was a great thrill for me too, like when you responded, when I heard from you, we collaborated on a shirt. People don't know that we like, we collaborated on a shirt. Um, that sold out like immediately. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, any, uh, is there anything, there's no other video, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't take her anywhere. Uhm, I just wanted to ask, just for the listeners, viewers, uhm, are there any dates coming up you want to plug? Anywhere that people should look for live shows, anything like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I'm on your Instagram right now. And uh, that's very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, uh, go see him live. I mean, this is like hip-hop legend, amazing lyricist, great guy, hilarious guy. Thank you very much for coming today, man. Thank you so much. Nah, man, I wouldn't want to be any well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, thank you guys. Really appreciate it. All right. We'll take you guys out. We'll see you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's so many pussies around your presidential campaign on both sides that I prefer not to comment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a special night at Notre Dame. I'm telling all of you to keep the party going by streaming all of our music exclusively on Amazon Music. Hey Alexa, do you have friends in low places?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Called the Touchdown Jesus. Cause it overlooks the north end zone here. And the house that Rockne built. Touchdown Jesus was assembled by stones gathered from all seven continents. This is the place. This is where everybody comes together. All religions. All shapes and sizes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're all here to sing. That's what I love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Legend has it that Newt Rockne said this. When we're on the road, we're somebody else's guests. Let's play in a way that never lets them forget that we visited them. That's what we're doing tonight, Newt. You're not gonna forget this concert. Not anytime soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was bad. It was a stink. I thought it was him. And he started playing better, but must have needed to get some wind out. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he thought it was you. I know. Hands up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was smelly. It was smelly. Usually if I fart instead I shit myself. You know that because I've told you in a documentary. Ain't scared to... If I had farted it smelled like that. I'd put my hands up and go. Oh, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah. I mean, it was something that I got into just because an older cousin was doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anywhere between 12 and 14, I can't remember. But they're like, you're too young. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, not some of the very first, probably like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I had this rhyme saying I'm the T-O-N-Y, the T-E-E, your hands can't hit what your eyes can't see because I know the tricks and I know the trades and I'm as sharp as a motherfucking razor blade. And, you know, I thought I was killing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But nah, my friend told me to listen to Grandmaster Kaz from the Cold Crush. And when I heard him, I was like, yeah, I'm doing everything wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you recognize it? Yea, straight, or like, that day. And was the Kaz thing, was it like a battle tape, or was it like a record? It was uhm, it was at a party, like one of your Cold Crush concerts, you know? Yea. And uhm, you know, uhm, cause I was used to their routines, their group routines. Right. I hadn't heard them rhyme individually yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grandmaster Kaz, captain of the four. Another nigga couldn't touch me if he had a rhyme store. Even if he had a plant manufacturing rhymes, he couldn't make them no better than I make mine. And I'm like, whew. I got a long way to go. You got a long way to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause see back then, you know, I didn't have a record deal. Right. And I honestly wasn't even focused that heavy on getting one. I was really just focused on being, you know, the greatest MC in Brooklyn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was probably my biggest concern. So I'm always writing new rhymes because I'm battling like every week. Are you guys, are you on street corners? Yea, street corners, park jams, community centers, you know, sometimes I even, you know, I went to people, you know, knock on their door, say hello to their mother and ask can I speak to their son?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I was cool with it, you know, I mean, you know, uhm, because it was like, I was, as, as, I was a big Marvin Gaye fan, but I was also a Muhammad Ali fan. Yeah. So, at a young age, I already knew how to get into other people's heads.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I mean yeaah, there was a lot of, always punch, like punch, for, for, for, for example, if you, if you were one of those, uhm, emcees with a big vocabulary,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I would, you know, come at you, you know, in a comical way, you know, you know, just crack jokes on you, you know, or if you were that type of MC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I would switch up and start using big words, but I wouldn't just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, they were, yeaah, I mean, they were playing chess cause I was playing chess, you know, it was that type of thing. Cause it was like, I wanted to already be in your head before the battle start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah. Well, I mean, you know, my pops, he was more or less the, you know, like, you know, you know, I don't, you know, I don't, you know, whatever you do, do, do it. You just don't fuck with that beer in the fridge. You know, he was really that type. My moms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, you and Calvin doing your hip hop thing? Oh, okay, alright, well, it's not too loud, you know, mommy just got home from work. Oh, just keep it down a little bit. Yea, you know, but she was cool with it. What about when she heard your lyrics?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, it's like, I think my mother's always been supportive of my mind state, you know, like the way I think and, you know, my views.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because uhm, there was one time we clashed over something concerning school and she was just shocked to see that the guidance counselor agreed with me and tried to work with me. Really? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well see, you gotta understand, uhm, prior to my first release, I had already been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On tour, DJing for Roxanne Shante. Right, Juice Crew stuff. Uh huh. I had already been on tour, rapping with Biz Markie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I wanted to do it, you know, uhm, you know, differently. You know, cause uhm, Biz had really put together like a, uhm, a comical show. You know, like he wanted his show to be, you know, very, you know, uhm, animated and funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I used to come on stage, he used to say, you know, he used to do the his big daddy and his DJ would throw in the Johnny Carson theme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, we're, we're, we're, um, fashion-wise here. Yeah. Because, you know, you, you see all the, um, the, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got it from Larry Blackman from Cameo. I mean, you listen to my first song, I say keep a fresh Cameo cut every day because I saw Larry Blackman with it. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, super high with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a real, real high one. Yeah, but yours is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you did. Well, I mean, I thought his was cool too. I just, you know, I have no reason to go that high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now, you know, that's what Flav used to always do whenever he saw me. I mean, it could be across a whole crowded room and he's behind me, I'll hear him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You came. Oh really? Yea, like that's always been, even still to today, he greets me that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, just met through the industry, that's all, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well nah, I mean, it was, it was so much fun because uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before the NWA project, remember EZ had the EP first, and then NWA came.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? The easiest said than done, I think that was the name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got you, okay, yeaah, yeaah, absolutely, all day. Yeaah, so yeaah, yeaah, I mean, he kept it a buck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well Warner Brothers has sent us on this promotional tour to visit hospitals in Manhattan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The children there, they weren't raised off of hip hop. Put it that way. I gotcha. So Harley and them really recognized me. And then at one point I saw Madonna talking to one of the kids saying, you know who that is? That's Big Daddy Kane. He's a famous rapper. Here, say ain't no halfs. And I'm sitting there like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm like blown away, cause you know, I'm looking at her, it's like, you know, a pop goddess, you know. Like, wow, she know my stuff. And she's showing me love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And afterwards, you know, she talked to me and I was like, thank you so much. I appreciate the love. You know, and she told me that, you know, while I'm doing this book, uhm, I would like to have you in it if you willing. You know, I'm like, nah, that would be an honor. I would love to. She's like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it show you just how crazy, like, uhm, like, when I got there, I'm like, you know, saying to myself, like, you know, I've never,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm curious, you know, like how this day gonna flow. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Madonna comes running up to me butt ass naked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kane, so glad you're here. Yo, let me tell you, I was just outside in the middle of the divider on the street, just like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With my thumb out, taking photos like I'm hipchitch hiking, no car stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'ma be honest with you. Please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like uhm, with the photos, you know, Madonna, she, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, you know, openly tell you, you're like, you know, now put your hand, you know, come on, make yourself at home, you know. So it was like, so I was already cool there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, nah, she was cool, but I mean, in all honesty, in this here photo, I'm sitting there like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, uhm, Benny Medina had, uhm, you know, issued copies of the movie to, I guess, everyone that was recording the soundtrack. But, it, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, nah, it's just something happened funny where I didn't receive the money I was supposed to get. That's another story. Anyway though, uhm, so when they asked about this lean on me thing, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm like, man, fuck this movie, man. You know, y'all ain't even get me right from the last time. Then one day, Benny Medina calls me and says, hey, are you still gonna do the, uhm, song for the Lean On Me thing? I'm like, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, I got it, I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he says, uhm, oh, well good, because I'm in New York, uhm, I can send a car for you and meet you up at, uhm, at Molly's house in about two hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't, I wasn't stressed out. I mean, you know, cause I had saw the movie, so I knew what it was about and you know where to go with it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, you know, I just, I don't know, I just was, I just had a sour taste in my mouth from something prior, so I wasn't really focused on it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was so excited about some other record that he bought that he wanted to sample.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just told me, you can have that, I don't care. Really? Like, my man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's gonna kill him. You knew it. I already knew, like, that's gonna kill him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I knew that, you know, prior to that we had an issue, uhm, with Prince trying to use a Staples singer song that, you know, it took us a while to work out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm like, well, I don't want to run into this again. So uhm, like I had worked with Rick James in the past, so you know, I reached out to him and said, amen, I got a great song idea, but I wanted to sample, uhm, Mary Jane girls, uhm, all night long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and Cool G Rap, we don't want to be a part of this, now we love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it originally started as just something that me and G-Rap was supposed to do together. But then Marley said that Craig found out and he wanted to be on it. Craig had just recorded a song with Marley called Duck Alert. And I thought was, you know, good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, Craig had already been down with the juice crew before me. Hadn't got his shot yet. Right. You know, so I felt bad about that. And the fact that I saw that he was improving skillfully, I was like, yeaah, we definitely need to put Craig on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, the day we're taking photos for, uhm, Marley's album cover, we go to his house afterwards, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He introduces us to this new guy and says, this is my new artist, Master Ace, and I want to put him on the song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ace is standing there and he's like big Woody Allen glasses on and we like, me and G-Rap is like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And G is like, shit, I'm what you do. And I don't know what held us up or whatever, but Ace ended up doing his verse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We see that we misjudged dude and he was extremely talented and skillful and it just came out amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you know, you gotta understand, you know, back then you're coming from an era where that's really what it was all about. A lot of people weren't really trying to get record deals or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just wanted to be the dopest MC in their neighborhood. Right. So that's the type of stuff they were writing about. Yeah. Now, you know, hip hop is an actual


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music genre. So there's people that can't rap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have artists that get into those music genres and have other people writing for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With this young man, he's doing an acapella, so I'm not quite sure about, you know, rhythmically where he is, so I can't really speak too far on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trippin' right now because, you know, I have that same blue microphone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have that microphone. I think that's amazing. I own that same blue microphone. And that company is really doing good with their microphones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you, I want you to just play it again, but yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't he, his, I mean his voice, not the rhymes, not the rhymes, doesn't his voice sound exactly like ice tea?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, nah, bring it back, bring it- Bring it back to the beginning. When he's rhyming slower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good ear. Yeah. Accent, right? Yeah. I mean, even like, the way, yeah, it's like his voice reminds me so much of Ice Team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I respect his confidence, man. He said he top dog and told anybody to bring it, so I mean, you know, he definitely believes in himself. That's the plus. You don't believe in yourself, no one else will. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, man. But then he asked me to come, uhm, hang out with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you know, it's like this, if you have an album out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, that's for the people to listen to. If you put on a show


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you stand there and all you do is just stand there and do the song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, when I'm on Instagram, I was like, cause when, when, when, when was the stand up again? What year was that? So it came out in, uh, 2014. 2014. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's 2019, and I can sit there on my Instagram and just go through the comments, you know, sexual chocolate, oh yea, Kane fan, you know, Dark Gable, Kane fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was uhm, I was just having a conversation with someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last week about you, about, and that's what I was telling them. I was like, I said, well listen, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me, uhm, put it to you like this. I have my own Big Daddy Kane t-shirts that I sell on my site. And up until this point, I think I may have sold about, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2,500. I was like, yo, me and this dude put out a t-shirt that was gone like by the end of the week. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, so yeah, to answer your question, he's a big dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I thought that she was a sweetheart and down to earth and you know, you know, so shows so much love. But I mean, you know, I was, I was there, I was, I was there to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is something that's been going on for, you know, um, years throughout the industry. It's a question I get asked a lot. And I mean, it kind of hurt my feeling a little bit, you know, because I mean, you know, at the end of the day, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit, I'm Big Daddy Kane, man. If I did do something with this, she would have told you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think it's both. It's both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're my precious, you're my everything. We'll be going full throttle down here in the basement, Julia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not midges, Carole, they're dwarfs. Whatever!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, so Dr. Drew, I just want to preface this by saying my first job in radio was board-opping Love Line. Really? When I was 19, uh, back years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I decided I needed help with something, so I'd call in. And I called in, uh, and told my problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as a person who does radio, I understand why you did what you did. The show needed to move and you needed to- I wasn't in control of the phones, so it wasn't me. I'm sure, no. I think the producer maybe hung up on it or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, so I mean it is still an issue and I have not, I have not read, it is the fact that I, I can stay. You have delay. I can maintain. You have delay. I just cannot go over the top. What's that all about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satva Luxury Mattress, the only online mattress company that provides free delivery, setup, and mattress removal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to BetterHelp.com slash YMH to get started today. Uh, Christina and I both huge fans of counseling therapy, if you will. Um, we both have been doing it for years. I can't believe it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me at this point now, I feel like one of the greatest feelings in my week is that, I don't know, that moment when you are just done with a session and you walk out and you either feel like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I got this off my chest. I feel maybe validated about something or somebody connects the dots or not somebody, your therapist helps you connect the dots in something and you just feel like this breakthrough kind of feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it really is. And it's important to remember these are licensed therapists available worldwide. You can do this via text, chat, phone or video. And this is something that's available on your desktop, mobile, Android or iOS. Um, it's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really, uh, an easy thing to get started with, and you have a lot of flexibility, uh, to, you can change, you can figure out who you match with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is something that uhm, again, we're, we're more than happy to talk about because we, we actually live this, we do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm going this week on Thursday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a set day, but if I can't make it happen that day, I make sure to reach out. And uhm, it is like a, I don't know, to me it feels almost like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A cleanse in a way. Absolutely. So I'm, I'm a huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a huge fan of this, uhm, there's a financial aid available, but it is quite, uhm, affordable. This is professional, real, licensed therapist. There are many ways, but you can get in touch with them. You can do this, like we said, over text chat, video, or phone, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, this is, by the way, Obi-Wan. Killing him. Is it? Yea, killing him, man. Gosh, I feel like we haven't heard from him in a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, I'm in Long Beach at the Terrace Theater, February 7th. There's a hundred tickets left, so it might be singles, the next day Chumash and Santinez, same deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, the next day, Reno, February 9th, same day, so there's scattered tickets. Uhm, and then, the following week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am in Montclair, New Jersey that sold out Pittsburgh on Valentine's Day. The early show sold out, the late show has a few tickets remaining. Same deal with the next day, the 15th in Cincinnati. Sold out the early show, late show has a few tickets left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cleveland the next day, same deal. And Washington DC the next day at the Warner Theater, same deal. Early show sold out, last show has about 100 tickets. Uhm, here's what we just added.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I actually added it last week and didn't forget to mention it. We added a late show, or excuse me, yes, a late show in Medford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the Boston area, the Chevalier theater. April 28th. Get those tickets. The late show has been added. It is tomscura.com slash tour. There's also a bunch of other shows. I feel like people don't even.