[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now their ships are all fucked up. And they're like, we haven't got any ships left to take out these aliens. And the guy's like, wait a minute, there is one more ship we can use. And they go and they get, it's like the USS Minneapolis or something like that. It's like this huge battleship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] World War II era, it hasn't been out of dry dock in like 20 years or whatever.


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[Assistant] And there's all these old dudes that worked on the ship back in World War II.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, me and Mrs. F were like, you know, cause I, obviously I spend a lot of time streaming in the evenings and stuff, and she works late a lot, so we don't get to hang out as much as we used to. So I was like, you know what, we should have a couple of nights a week where we just sit down and watch shit television. She was like, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause that's like a, you know, I love watching shit movies. And she does too. Yeah. So it was like fucking battleship. She's like, I've seen it. It's terrible. You'll love it. I was like, cool. So we just watched it and I was like in heaven. I was loving it. Man. It was so fucking bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen a lot of shit movies. I mean, it's not that you want to stumble across it. That's the joy of a shit movie. If you're like, yeah, you don't really seek out a shit movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's just boring. I just found it boring. I mean it needs to be ridiculous. Bowship is, you're never bored watching bowship. It's so terrible. And it's also so high budget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, for instance, and they'll consider it a loss if it only makes like 10, 20 million, they'll be like, this was a dud. Because we spent all this money and we basically barely made anything compared to the outlay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you expect to make a movie for like a hundred billion dollars, you expect to make like half a billion off that shit. Yeah, yeah. I think like uhm- The Star Wars movies make a fucking fortune.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, have you seen the film Battlefield Earth? That's one of my favorite bad movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terrible. But honestly, you've gotta watch that. I was, I was one of my favorites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jack and Jill was stunningly bad. What was that movie, The Happening? I saw that in the cinema. Cause I got, uhm, I was writing movie reviews at the time. I think I've spoken about this before actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was writing for a website, I was doing movie reviews, uh, The Spinning Image I think it was called. And I did a whole bunch of reviews and they sent me on this press


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And has not studied anywhere. And there's Paul Giamatti, who's like, I thought was a brilliant actor and then I saw this movie. And then there's like Bryce Dallas Howard, who's like one of my top crushes in the world. And there she was, I almost fell over. And then we had to watch The Happening. Oh no, that was Lady in the Water. Fuck me. I saw, I saw The Happening on DVD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember watching one where he went out into the audience. He did a bit where he went and got a turd from a toilet and then took it out into the audience like it was a big old turd and he brought it out in a bowl and this guy touched it thinking it was a prop and he was like, you thought that was a prop turd, didn't you, sir? And the guy's face was just like, oh my God, I've touched a giant turd. The guy in the audience just reached out and touched it thinking it was a prop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep, there's no spoilers, alright? Don't worry, podcast, there's no spoilers. Amy Adams, this is the synopsis, this is the synopsis you'd get. Amy Adams is a linguist, she's like a specialist in languages and translation and stuff like that. Aliens turn up, they need her help to talk to the aliens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna take my time with this one. Alright. Okay, well go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nebesh sat mesmerized by the incredible array of ships before him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some kind of space yachting festival was taking place around Baboosh 3, home of the infamous Wallop Bar and Grill. And as spectacles go, it was, well, it was spectacular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The magnified wide angle viewport from the lounge of the Disco Volante acted as a wonderful front seat view of the competition as the beautiful old fashioned space yachts used their solar sails to glide around anchored buoys as they raced against each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sadly, behind him in the cargo hold, a far less seemly competition was afoot.


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[Assistant] Rab, you're wasting your time, said Nebbish wearily. Shut your pie-hole chum, slurred Rab, who swayed uncertainly despite being seated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wish to continue, said Varu, sitting bolt upright opposite Rav.


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[Assistant] The two towering figures were squeezed into a pair of portable plastic folding chairs at a small portable plastic folding table as if they were having a picnic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instead, here they were, in the cargo hold of the Disco Volante, having an impromptu drinking contest. In one corner, Rab of Tartania, holder of the thrice regurgitated crown of Dunier Neck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Founding member of the Iron Gut Combat Battalion and possessor of a liver so powerful he was occasionally asked to consume dirty rocket fuel that he might then pee out pure rocket fuel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the other corner, Varu, a combat droid so devastatingly powerful that it had been banned from setting foot on most inhabited worlds. Its inner workings were so complex that even Nebish, that master of technology, had struggled to simply replace one of Varu's servo batteries. It was also immune to any form of gas, poison, or toxin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wish to continue? Varu asked again, a small yes slash no question mark flashing red on his face display.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Fuckin' yes, you cut your shot with rap. Both competitors picked up their drinking vessels, lead-lined tankards filled with Spatial Brew Plus, which was actually banned on more worlds than Varu, and then cracked them together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing it goes, said Rab, bobbing briefly into his lap before necking the viscous booze. Varu poured his drink into a small funnel that emerged from a slot on his neck. Rab blinked hard and attempted to stare down Varu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you wish to continue? asked Varu, the same readout appearing on his face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' spiders! screamed Rab, pouring at his face with one mighty hand, one of his eyes screwballing wildly to the left, while the other rolled madly in its socket, some more vomiting, this time from his nose and ears. Nebesh peered back out at the graceful dance of the space yachts, sighing at their majesty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think perhaps he began, before Rab pounded the table with his fist, cracking it in two. Empty cans flew in all directions, several crashing into Nebesh, who shielded his face with one arm, pleading, Rab, you're gonna kill yourself!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of this vital information spewing out in one long string of vowels as he slid hopelessly down out of his chair, passing out on the floor. Varu is victorious, said Varu, and a party popper on a tiny arm emerged from his shoulder, and a second tiny arm emerged slightly below it and pulled the string, sending coloured paper everywhere with a small bang. Varu, how long has Bodega been down there for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six hours, thirteen minutes and five seconds, said Varu. That seems like a long time for a simple meeting, said Nebesh, turning to his computer screen. He said he wouldn't be long, so maybe we should try to contact him. Possibly he might also be getting his balls wet, said Varu, accessing his common parlance library.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True, but I don't know. He seemed kind of all business when he left. I think we should try the signal, said Nebesh, pursing his lips. Very well, Varu concurrs, said the robot, rising and moving to the ship's communication station.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the members of the disco were fitted with a small signaling device on the inside of their left wrist. A simple vibrating implant that let someone know they needed to contact the ship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nebuch had insisted that a tracking device would be a disastrous idea in case the ship was captured. Their enemies would immediately be able to discern all of their whereabouts. But a receiver was different since it couldn't be located. Nebuch sent out the wide-beam, where the flaw of argue signal and sat back to wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something was bothering him, however. They needed a way to communicate. That was a given. They also needed a way to let someone know you needed to communicate with them. It was no good just calling someone's communicator if it was a bad time to talk. Instead, you sent them a discrete ping, they knew you needed to talk, and they called you when it was convenient. But the ship's outbound sailing signal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was there a way to track that? Surely not. It was so broad, so omnidirectional, it could have come from anywhere. Here they were, cloaked up in the third moon's shadow, unnoticed by any possible federal ships patrolling the area, and for all anyone listening knew, someone somewhere had sent a simple one-byte message to the whole farming planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell, you need a hundred ships in an impromptu net. All listening in. Hundreds of ships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nebbish's eyes widened as the blindingly obvious slapped him in the face. The space yachts! Rab! Varu! We have to leave! shouted Nebbish, lunging towards the bridge. Varu turned, processed a look on Nebbish's face, and began powering up the hyperdrive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Bodega? asked Varu. We'll have to come back for him. We have to leave now! And with that, Nebesh slapped the go-go button, and the Disco Volante spanned up its hyperdrive and vanished. On the planet below, Bodega was quite unaware that his getaway vessel had just peaced out on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that the combined forces of Krem Slumdump's personal combat retinue now knew they almost had their man. Again. To be continued.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, about the Scrabble World Championship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you imagine the business deals they'd do to trade like Old Kent Road for Park Lane? It would be one of the business deals of the century. You'd see how real business people play Monopoly. That's it. I wonder if they'd ever trade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dog. Yeah. The top hat. Yeah. The car. Yeah, the car.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think they're underappreciated. I love them. No, they are fantastic. Holy crap though, when you eat too many of them, it feels like there's a cannonball in your stomach, like it. Oh, really? Yeah, they just don't take a long time to come out the other end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like, I would like to do a big shout out to, uh, Highland Spring, uh, 500ml bottles of water, uhm, still spring water, naturally from the, uh, Scotland's, uh, Oak Hill Hills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So really refreshing, tastes very clean, I mean I haven't tested it, so I don't know if it is actually clean, but I'm assuming that it, you know, meets all of the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just bring out a bottle of water with me to the garage, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have a laptop but I have a tablet and I find my big, my biggest gripe with a tablet is when I rest it on my big man belly. I get a mark across my belly like where the tablet rests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm examining myself in the mirror and sucking my stomach in to make myself look not so fat, I see this big line on my stomach and I'm just like, oh, it's ruining the whole vibe that I'm going for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they're like, mostly as I remember them, just like slightly fatter and slightly older sort of thing. There were eight of us all together. Eight. And we were sharing. An octuplet at Octoberfest. Octoberfest, yeaah. So, we shared a, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know men when they come back from war and uhm, some of them have to use like nightlights and stuff because they've been traumatized because night time during war is like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scary, right? There's like, shit always seems to happen at night, like when people aren't expecting it. You know, you can hear like the sound of, you know, critters out there in the woods, but then also like, whispering Viet Cong and stuff like that, and that traumatizes the shit out of you, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's it. So some shit has happened to you, and you'll never forget it, right? And it stays with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel the same way about sharing an apartment in Munich with eight guys. The sounds that I heard in the middle of the night occasionally when I woke up were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strange yelling and talking occasionally in your sleep and stuff. And I'm, I'm sure I was part of that at points while I was asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how women put up with men at all, like, uh, it's just crazy. It's a miracle. It's a complete and utter miracle, like, especially as men get older, they just get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't rate it any higher than 12 out of 10. It was fantastic. Fuck, I would do it again every year if I could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I wasn't sick at all, I'm happy to report. I was not once sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what you need? Sainsbury's cold and flu capsules. Just a shout out. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm, uh, I'm down, currently downing a 500ml bottle of still spring water from Highland Spring. Right. And, uhm, I'm very aware of microfibres, uh, being in my garage right now and also in the air and stuff too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, traditional wear, tons, tons of people. You're on the, uh, you're on like the metro or the, the, the U-bond going like to, to the, to the grounds or whatever. And there's just like old, young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like kids, women, they're all dressed up like in, in, in their lederhosen and you know, they've got their overalls and their yodeling hats on and other women look fantastic. Holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's lots of standing on tables yelling and dancing and it's super easy to meet people because everybody is in very close proximity to each other and drunk so you're constantly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, meeting new people and getting dragged off to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the stuff. Oh my god, can you ever feel it too? My god, I've never been in so much pain. It was unbelievable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But actually the second time, this third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time I did it wasn't too bad. It's just that first time it was, it was pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, it's everywhere, like you can't get away from it. People love it. Like it's, you have that, you know, you, you've got like a, you know, like the paint sniffer mouth when you're done. It's just like fucking powder all over your beard and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I don't understand how the, how the, uh, people who are serving the beers do it because like each beer is a gigantic, gigantic mug with a liter of beer in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get used to it. But they bring over like 20 at a time. It's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I never saw one person carrying just one, like, it's always, they always had like at least 10. It's crazy, but honestly, if you've, if you've never been Lewis, uhm, and you want to have a good time, fucking go, it's really great. Geez, I can't recommend it enough, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They play like Bon Jovi and everything. It's, uh, it's crazy. They play a lot of like traditional German like, uh, you know, chanty songs during the day, but then in the evening, uhm, they start belting out like, uh, you know, I Will Survive and It's Raining Men and Bon Jovi and like all the classics, you know, Country Road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, yeaah, so yeaah, it's in the same space every time, normally it's just this big


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think over the course of the time that it's open, they receive about 6.5 million people. So it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a temporary police station there, like there's everything. There's like medical tents obviously because people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have this, they have medical tent where uhm, if they find somebody passed out or whatever, they'll take you to the tent, uh, they'll take your ID out of your wallet and hold it like at the reception, so that if somebody is looking for you, they can just say at the reception like, oh, we're looking for uhm, Hans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine, imagine like a tent that can hold like 5,000 people but every table is absolutely rammed with people. You can't get a table so you just have to wait and luck out basically if people are leaving and then you can just grab their table sort of thing, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a couple of times we, we were stuck outside, which was alright because the weather was super nice and there's lots of tables outside and stuff too. So we're outside and we're just having a couple of drinks and, you know, just like talking and looking around and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this, this girl and like a couple of other people walk out of a tent and she just, I've never seen this person before in my life, but I could tell that she was just so fucking sick. You know, like, you know, like she was pale. She just looked like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She wasn't with it at all. She was stumbling everywhere and stuff. And, uh, you know, we were all like, oh fuck, she's, that's it. Like she's dead. Like they're probably going to take her to the medical tent or whatever. Uh, and as we're discussing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's open for 12 hours a day too and most people will get there very early to get a table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, fuck. No, honestly, uh, if, uhm, if you're listening to this podcast, Germany in general, uhm, man, what a great time. Big fans, big fans here. Huge fan. Loved it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was good, yeaah, and, uh, occasionally when people would, you know, some people would, would, you know, get up and go off to get food or whatever, we had, uhm, we were just using WhatsApp, so it's so fucking easy to keep in touch, post, like, live locations of where you are and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joke around as to where you were like posting a live location from like a dumpster and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, actually, like, I think, I think if we'd gone 20 years ago when we weren't all 40 or, or pushing 40, probably, but everybody was fairly sensible, you know? Right. They're all just so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like two years older than me, so like uhm, my, my main friend from that group is somebody that was my neighbor, uh, growing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Octoberfest in general. Oh, sorry, Octoberfest in general was some big mix of families, everything. There's like, there's like fair rides and stuff there. There was like, so there's like kids, teenagers, adults, all the old people. Make sure you drink up all of your beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the culture over there is generally like, uh, cause when I was in Munich, not for Oktoberfest, we went to like beer gardens and stuff and it was the same. It was like kids and stuff, families, like generations of families all just drinking together and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, like grandma and grandpa? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the eating, eating radishes mostly. I don't know what the fucking German obsession is with radishes, but they fucking love them. Like pickled radish, like sauerkraut and stuff. Yeah, I guess so, but yeah, it's just, so uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should plan, maybe like, we'll take everybody next year. It'll be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I never really considered it either. I was always, I heard my friends like talking about it and saying that we should go and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was always like, fuck, you know, I'm a bit older now. I don't know if I want to drink that much. Like it sounds like intense. I don't want to be stuck in a tent all day drinking, getting sick and stuff, but it's not really like that at all. It's, it's, it's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it comes sort of from the same place as like revolutionaries come from, but obviously like the end goal of what they're trying to do isn't the same as starting a revolution. I think it just comes from people who are very disenfranchised, they don't feel like anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, yeaah, exactly, they get, yeaah, they, exactly, they, they appeal to people who have nobody and can't relate to anybody in society and convince themselves that, oh hang on a second, we know better than everybody else, we know that there's a fucking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, god is gonna welcome us with open arms if we fucking all chop our dicks off or whatever. Whatever the, whatever the, uh, the operational procedure is for that cult. You know what I mean? They believe it in the end because they have nothing else to believe in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I think that's always like a part of it. There's always like some side play that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's just to test boundaries as well, they just like push and push to see what they can get away with, and they're like, oh fuck, they believe that? That's crazy, and then it sort of opens up doors for more shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All fucking old lazy disillusioned with what they were doing in the first place cause it hasn't really gone anywhere or whatever. So they, they need these like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do all of this crazy shit, right? Like, yeah, it's like through history. It's always been like that. There's there's always like the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the sort of, uh, recent, recent joinees are always the ones that end up doing like the craziest shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the other thing is too is that depending on how long this organization has been around for, a change in management is usually what sort of starts making it, you know, like a shadow of what it formerly was, right? Like you look at somebody who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, starts, uh, somebody who starts a political party or like a cult or whatever and they have very, very, uh, specific like demands for what they want and they have a very specific idea of how that's gonna go and they have very specific contingencies in place for when things don't go their way or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then normally that person gets old inevitably and either loses the energy to carry on going or dies for whatever reason or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The longest, longest lead up to a sponsorship disclosure of all time. It's taken us 38 minutes to get to this point. Oh my god. So, so, uh, we're so proud to be sponsored by Crusader Kings 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you're sitting around in your living room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You weigh 500 pounds. You haven't walked in like a couple of weeks because it's hard to do, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you're the same guy who sits there and criticizes somebody who's at peak physical form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, who is capable of scoring a goal against other equally talented, uh, people who are in peak physical form, right? You're, you're, you, you somehow qualify to, to, to weigh in and have some opinion as to how that team should be run, uh, how they're not playing well enough for your tastes, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that maybe, do you think maybe it irks you so much because deep down, you know, he has a point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is stupid, but fucking that's people for you. Most people are pretty dumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gotta be for sure. Man, I miss the point of so many things. Sometimes somebody makes a joke and I'm just like what? Like pretend to laugh and like feel like I'm part of the group or whatever, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a bit weird tips though, but we love you for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terps, what's up? Fuckin', we're just recording the podcast right now, so your dream has come true, you're actually on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, get him on speaker. We're gonna be done in like probably 10 minutes. You want me to phone you back? Okay. Okay, bye. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why Terps is never getting on, I tell you. He needed to talk to me about something top secret, so I don't know, maybe I'm fired? Shit. Or maybe I'm fired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not a serious game either. It's a bit of fun, right? Like you wouldn't, you wouldn't catch people necessarily doing that to like a pro Hearthstone player or whatever, you know, like it's not, it's not as acceptable because, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Highly infested, filth ridden places like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until I saw that Tom Hanks movie with Wilson. And then I decided, you know what? I don't want to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to really hope hard that a couple of empty cans of coke would wash up on shore and then he could like, you know, MacGyver it with a string and a couple of tin cans, he could make a satellite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of all the things in this world that you could fuck, you'd choose a hornets nest, I don't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they don't, they just, they're, they just sting people. They don't, they don't have any other qualities to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a good point. What did people do before you could sit on the, uh, washing machine or the dryer? I guess they had to like, improvise. Have sex with each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make a perfect TV show, like, you know, like an entire society that, that is the villain, you know, but, but it's completely unreasonable and, you know, there's no, you know, they're just very brutal and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they got, uh, who's it? I think it's like Holly Willoughby to, to, to, to present it with Deck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did, yeah, well, he got busted for drinking and driving, yeah. No, that's not cool. Which is no excuse for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the, that's the accent they have on that, uh, Indian island off, off of India with the society. Yes. The brutal society. Yeah, that's how they speak. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you watch documentaries and stuff, like they make it seem like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, all of the, all of the tactics of war and the maneuvers and everything are so like tight, uh, tightly controlled, perfectly executed and stuff like that. It must be a fucking mess. Like, consider your average person, uh, his ability to, to follow orders and, and do things


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Competently, like, and that goes for soldiers as well. It must just be a fucking mess. Like, I bet you people are just like shooting each other by accident all the time while we see that like in the news that it happens all the time, friendly fire and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People much, people are probably just deserting all the time. Like if they sent me out and they're like, yeah, go sweep this field. I'd be like, okay. And just walk the other way down the road and just like integrate into like French society or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You still got like old ass equipment in your campfires and stuff? That'd be perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and how did they keep like, cause they must, how did they, how did they like keep like backfilling the ranks too? Cause like some of them must have just gotten old and like, that's it. They weren't, they couldn't battle anymore. What did they have to like kidnap women and make, make children and, you know, start their own society, new soldiers to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, god, yea, even they don't even follow a code anymore. It's like solo acts, they're off the grid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. God no. It would be a disaster if it did happen as well. God damn. It'd just be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I feel like nowadays, any time anybody, or like any, any part of society that has to congregate into a large place, uhm, together, for whatever reason, forcefully, because of like a natural disaster or whatever, just, even worse shit ends up happening to them, like they're probably better off just like, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'd rather just take a chance with nature, I think, than be stuck in an arena with just like a bunch of fucking weirdos, you know what I mean? Like, god damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just drop them all off on an island. Like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure you're describing bed knobs and broomsticks, like I'm pretty sure that that's the setting of that whole movie. It's like kids that get shipped out to the countryside during the war and then have magical adventures on a flying bed. No pedophiles though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the last thing that you want to have happen to you as a parent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're with your kids, you never do. You just get like that. You get that knowing smile from other moms and dads like, I don't want to fucking be here. And you're like, yeah, me too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And especially, I mean, if you're sitting on the bench staring at kids and sweating, uhm, and you've got, like, uh, headphones on, and there's no kids with you or other people with you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men didn't even, men didn't even like go to the, uhm, to the birthing of the child, did they? They would just turn up like at 9 o'clock at night after their fucking 14 hour shift at the box factory and, oh yeaah, nice. Then go home and collapse in bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get back in the bed and make me a son. Times have definitely changed. Like back then, dads didn't really stay, like, Flax, you're a stay at home dad. I am. For all intents and purposes, I guess. That didn't really happen a lot back then. I'm sure it did a little bit, but uhm, it's definitely a lot more common now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Small world, isn't it? I read this thing the other day about this, um, I think it was a guy and his daughter, but her, but his daughter was like 50 and he was like 80 or something. And I think they were watching some like remembrance day thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and there was some footage of, they did this like, this thing where it was like, you know, women in, women's role in the, in the army or whatever. And uhm, they had some footage of, uhm, women parachuting out of like planes and stuff. And they, so they had like this old footage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This woman's like smiling and waving to the camera and stuff and then, you know, jumps out of plane parachutes or whatever. And so this guy and the daughter watching and the guy was like, Oh my fucking God, that I can't believe it. That's your mom. And the, and the daughter's like, what are you serious? Like the daughter never met the mom. Like she like, cause the mom passed away when she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like just after she was born or something like that. They had no- They did have many pictures of her and they certainly never had like any like, you know, live footage of her or anything either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the guy had to like write into the, I think it was like the BBC or whatever and say like, Oh my God, do you have any more of this archive footage? Like my daughter's never seen her mom before and they sent it to her and she was crying and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda weird, eh? Imagine like never meeting your mother, ever, because she died soon after you were born. Oh, fuck. And then seeing like, uh, footage of her just like, you know, cause you probably look a lot like her too, right? Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, sorry, I was just joking around, just carry on. Yo, you went to the archives, what was the point? No, you, you thrown me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sir, what was the purpose of your visit to the archives? It was a school trip. Oh, alright, okay. That's it. And, uh, did you find out anything? I guess, like, uhm, you, you guys are, you guys are, are proper British boys, right? So you might have, like, ancestors that date back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like these gigantic books filled with like one of each type of flower pressed and preserved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coffee beans. They have a whole book filled with like every coffee bean ever found. There's like a sample of the coffee bean. And like, like everything. There's like, there's probably one with just like grains of sand. Different grains of sand. From like different beaches and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got that Yogscast annual from way back when and all the calendars and stuff too. They got a horse attend me t-shirt down there as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't even need to go, Lewis. You can do it from the comfort of your own home. You go to afamilytree.org, uh, and if you pay a subscription of, uh, 28.99 per month, um, to browse through their extensive database.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a wonderful tool, very easy to use. It's designed so that old people can, uh, can use it. You know, they're not savvy on the net, they don't know the memes or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a Coen Brothers Netflix movie I guess, but it's like, uh, it's got like little, it's like mini stories.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about halfway through. I just got to the end of, I don't want to spoil it. I got to the end of the, uh, one with Liam Neeson in it, which was an interesting one. And I'm just about to start on the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, I remember being a teenager and my friend just like rabbiting on about that movie incessantly. Like he was like a big like, you know, film buff guy. Like, you know, he just thought he was better than everybody else because he read like the onion and stuff. And, um, which was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But like, see, so he was like, you know, this movie is hilarious. We've got to watch it, got to watch it. And we were all like super tired and we watched it and nobody liked it. And he got really mad at us and like, but we almost made it a point not to like it because he'd hyped it up so much. You ever get that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get the feeling that they just have like an immense amount of takes and then they just sort of sift through all the footage in the end and just like pick, you know, the best one. Like I don't know, some, cause like it just, I don't know, their stuff is super watchable. Like it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here, I got you. I got you here. It's Josh Brolin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get some context for Jesus and whatever, but like, if you don't know anything about, you know, uhm, society or whatever, you've been living on an island, somebody comes over and they try to tell you about Jesus, you're just gonna be like, what the fuck are you talking about? You know, like, we have a big dung heap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the center of the island that we worship, like, I don't know who Jesus is, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, so listen, uhm, your weekly update of The Apprentice, uh, somebody else, somebody else was kicked out. Alan Sugar laid on another, uhm, treat for the- I'm laying on a treat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I do not want to go wine tasting with all of these other contestants and stuff. No way. Just let me go back to the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's my main reason for not wanting to be on that show actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the, so the task yesterday was they had to sell art. They have this one every year, right? So they had to meet the artists, they had to negotiate like a commission for selling the art and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had to pick what art they thought would, would be, would sell the best and everything. And then, you know, of course, none of them knew anything about art, but they're all very good at emulating every fucking stereotype they've ever seen in like a movie or TV show based around making money and doing business and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were all fucking talking like all of this shit about art to these people, like doing like hard sales and stuff. Ah fuck, I don't even know why I watch that show. I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want all my time back. It's like eight weeks I've been watching this show and it makes me increasingly angry every time I watch it. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. Maybe you got like a really bad blockage in there. You know, like if you get really blocked up and it can't come out the back passage. I could do a coffee. Sometimes, sometimes it comes out your mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want you to try and put your hand somehow over your shoulder like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, my mum's up to stay. Oof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christmas Eve isn't a big one, like, we always just have like, uh, Mrs. F will get a load of stuff, like, uh, on, like, what do they call those little things they come around with at parties?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still got a picture actually, like holy crap. That was crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sam, Sam, I want you to post the picture of my Christmas ham.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the rules are unbelievable because the intro that he's written is just like the way he tweets now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pot of water, you simmer it ultra low for like an hour and a half, okay? And then you take it out and you cut the skin off so the layer of fat, that's what, there's no skin on it, that's just fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the layer of fat is all that's left and then you score it with a knife and you put cloves in the corners of the angles. You see that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, yeaah, you don't kill a pig. That wouldn't be much of a Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course they do! And a mince pie. And we always leave out a carrot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I never understand is when people get Santa to give the big presents?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cinnamon and coffee, they're out. If I get a handful and I'm like, taking out all the cinnamon and the coffee ones, cause I don't like surprises.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoever wanna start a fight with me, shush me. And it's on. The gloves are off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you just get like this, right? You know when you see people that have a weird clap?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't. I'm a very quiet and static sleeper. So if I go to sleep in one position, I'll wake up in that same position. Like I sleep like a dead man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only problem is, with the night terrors, like, so I'm either completely still or screaming and running around the room, so. Same. It's a big, it's a big problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Halfway between consciousness and unconsciousness. So if I, it's like having a nightmare, and you wake up in the middle of the night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing specific. It's not like a specific thing. For me it's literally Mrs. F is trying to kill me, there's poison gas filling the room, there's spiders everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's quite a cool story behind this, alright. Mrs. F's grandfather was, uhm, in World War II, he was in charge of an anti-aircraft factory. That was what he did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they come down, and the guys come down, and they've all got all these rifles. And they're all like, oh shit, you know, we must have shot one of their sheep or something with the aircraft guns, now they're gonna kill us. And the guy just walks up to my, uh, Mrs. S. Grandfather and gives him a rifle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy comes back and he takes this, this dagger out of his sort of coat, if you like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drawers are made like this. And he's like, it's all over. I've, you know, he shot the gun and missed and he thinks it's cursed now or something, but he just hands him the dagger as a way of saying thank you. So this is, this dagger was made by some kind of a, a Jodhpur tribesman. The, the, the, the sort of scabbard if you like is obviously handmade. It's all like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so once you're out, that's you out for that inning. It's not like baseball where you go around and around and around. So once you've gone through all the batters, CAN I FINISH?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they failed. And they failed. So now you try to get as many runs as possible. So maybe you get 500 runs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, and you're all out, and now they have to try and get up to your total on their second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I don't know what time they start. I know that they have like lunch and they'll have afternoon tea. So they have breaks and shit like that where they literally go and have a cup of tea. But you can play for a draw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if they, if you're, if you're batting and they've done all their batting, they've had both their goes at batting, you've had, you're on your second turn at batting, all you have to do is stay in. If they don't knock you all out, if you just stay in and play defensively and last for the full five days, they're like, well, it's a draw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I watched the, I watched the Ashes, which is like when we play against Australia. That's like the Ashes is like the big one. Because what happened is we lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think you can't bend your elbow or something, but yeaah. But the guys did it, right? Where they bolted underarm and they couldn't hit it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and they were like, that's not cool, that's like, not sporting. They banned it? Oh, that's a shame. They banned it apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, when, when your daughter was sick, this, I don't know if your kids do this, but my kids seem to like, it doesn't bug them when their throat is, you know, like sometimes you get really phlegmy and your voice goes all like, like old grandma-y, raspy, I've been smoking for 80 years sort of thing. When my kids do that, they don't bother to clear their throats. They just keep talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, like my son, when you say blow your nose, you put the tissue up to his nose and he just like goes like crazy. Like I sometimes I think like more than just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever get that thing in the middle of the night sometimes when your throat is really, really dry? There's like a dry patch in your throat and you wake up coughing, swallowing, trying to like lube it up and get rid of it or whatever?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what that actually is though? Go on. It's a spider in your throat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're too, they, they get stuck and they try to aggravate you a bit and stuff. And yeah, so that, that dry patches and actually dry patches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was exploring. He just wanted to see what was down there. He found a cave and he was like, I'm going to go check it out. And then next thing you know, yeah, you're swallowing and killing him. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, shit man. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's how all superheroes get started, you know? Maybe they're just subjected to something over and over and over again and that's what gives them their power. Their body just mutates, like according to the environment to whatever. I like that. Boom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They become superheroes. That could be like a thing though, cause that's like, nowadays we don't like superheroes to be too super, right? Like we like them to be strong, but we like them to have like more human characteristics and have weaknesses and stuff like that as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, on the topic of the moon though, uhm, yeaah. Well, you heard, right, about these seven planets that they found in this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but if it's not, if it's, it's about 2,000 times less bright than our sun, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, God put those planets there for a reason, right? Like, we have to, we have to figure out why, you know, we'll get there one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we here on earth have had the moon forever to look at and it hasn't stopped us from thinking that we're the fucking best and not giving a shit about anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But how are we, how would we get there though? Cause it's like, they say it's close, but I mean it's not close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is though, I mean 39 light years, that's fucking far man. Like nobody's getting out there. So the thing is though, if there's 7 planets there, like abundant with new resources and potential for profit and all that kind of stuff, then we'll probably find a way to get there pretty soon I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that'll definitely be worth exploring. And I guess if the, if the planets have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then by the time they get there, we've already colonized it and everybody's laughing at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the topic of the oceans, I wouldn't live under the ocean, that would creep me out, but I would definitely live


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, like in, you know, in Jersey where the, uh, where the movie theater is and stuff, Lewis, remember like when you came over here, that's all reclaimed as well. That was the sea years ago. They just built out onto it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what they'll do with a couple of the planets is they'll, they'll sort of like, somebody will buy the planet and be like, nobody's allowed to live here cause we're just going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, trust me though, like the same way they wanted to get away from Europe back in the day as well. They're gonna be like, you know what? I know a bunch of people I met on the internet. We got a little community. We believe in dildonians and nobody, nobody believes us and they all laugh at us. And you know what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We built a spaceship and peace out motherfuckers, we're out of here. We're going. We're going to go colonize one of these planets before any of you guys get dibs on it. It's the diamond one and we're going to create a new society. We're going to break free from the shackles of you guys and we're going to do our own thing and then that's what's going to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why Mars is important to colonize, even though it's, I don't know who it's, I think what they should do actually with Mars is just, they should, all, all the prisons on earth and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no one wants to fucking live there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With all this, that's, that's good. Like you can tell you play live video games as well. Yeaah, he's going right down the tech tree for AI there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure it's not gonna be beyond our means, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When, when a problem comes up sort of thing, but the problem is now is that every, everything on earth is so profit driven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's not, there's not going to be any real advancement that is nothing to do with profit, you know what I mean? Like it'll have to be, it'll come down to there's a really good commercial reason for doing something and then everybody's going to want to do it. And there's going to be huge advancements towards it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be that we're the Ferengi. Like, I never really considered it before, but now that you mention it, I think, I think there's a good chance we're the Ferengi. And nobody wants to be the Ferengi. Everybody wants to be the race that Picard is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you know what, that is a good thing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, your kids are gonna be really well rounded from that. I'm not even joking. I think that that's quality family time that they'll remember when they're older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this sensation I'm feeling in my genitals?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was there an episode where he accidentally pet the cat too hard or something? Cause he's like, he wasn't like aware of his limits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's what I'm getting confused with, but I just like, I seem to recall there's like, there was like a controversy around data, not like out in the real world, I mean like within like the confines of Star Trek The Next Generation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where he like, almost killed a cat. And everybody on board was like, Data, what the fuck, like, maybe you shouldn't be looking after a cat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is kids in a nutshell always saying what they're doing. Holy crap. I never realized until just now. That's exactly what they do. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crusher is a support character who should never have any character development or progression. You know, she just needs to turn up every once in a while and be like, Captain, you have to see this. You're a leper, Captain. It's not right. It's not right for your dick and your balls to be fused together like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because she's, yeah, because that hurts. Be getting pinched fucking hurts man, like it doesn't matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, pinch the back of their leg or the back of their arm or something. Just like it's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now yeah, if I get pinched as an adult, look out, like I'm gonna fucking go into rage mode. I don't want to be pinched at all. Like actually I've got, I've got like a sphere around me, like my own personal space. I don't want you in that. You get in there, it's go time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it, that's it, it's over if you, if you step into that area, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pinching, whatever. Forget it. I don't want- I don't wanna know about it. But yea, like it's- it's such a- it's such a thing though. It's like a cliche, isn't it? Like, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, hot stuff, like, pinch, pinch a girl's butt or whatever, like, no, nobody actually does that. Like, it's impossible, right? Like, do people, did people used to do that in, like, the fifties? Or, or, like, nobody does it now, right? Or do people still, anyone? Anyone with any pinching stories? No? I mean, I don't. I've never pinched anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's it. That's Benny Hill, isn't it? Running after like a column of women trying to pinch their butts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No idea. You tell me, you tell me what you think it is and I'll pronounce it. My pronunciation of Spanish words is incredible apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same, it was fucking super windy here this morning and raining like a motherfucker. Like, it just looked like it was gonna be the worst day ever. Five minutes later, it's glorious. It's like fucking sunny, there's no wind, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We must be right in the, yeah, right in the center of it, yeah. Good place to be. At least I can actually go out and suntan a bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get stronger, work your way to the- I mean, I feel like Fortnite, we're only a year into that cycle. We need to do another two years of that before that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some really interesting channels on YouTube that are still doing Minecraft and still getting, you know, millions of views. I think, if anything...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's still like these communities that just stick around. And, you know, I think Minecraft might come back, you know? I think- My kids still play! My kids still play!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So on Monday, we were playing, me and Dazzle Civillian were playing Warcraft 3, okay, and we loaded up some custom games and we played Gem TD, uhm, Element TD, and one of the other tabs. Oh, TDs are still in!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, for Blizzard, the first thing I would do is such a weird fucking thing. I would like, start making spreadsheets and be like, okay, how are these...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are these fucking, how do you get all of this to collect all this stuff? Why can't you collect stuff? Anything that you can't collect, it should be doable. I figure out which quests are broken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're getting fixed. I think I'd just, I'd just, I'd just be the polish guy, right? I'd go in there and I'd polish up that game, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was clear how to get it. And I'd release that spreadsheet publicly as well. I'd be like, here, look, here's a spreadsheet showing you what you need to do, how you need to do it to get everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if we walk off this kind of living game where people expect so much from it, right? Everyone's like, I love the levelling experience, I love getting to the new thing, I love all the stuff, but as soon as I got there,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything was locked behind a rep grind, all the new allied races are locked behind incredible tedious things, you have to go back to the previous expansion and grind exalted, which takes you weeks on the old content to get this fucking extra horns on your tauren. It's like everything takes way too fucking long and because it's, cause there's no sort of ways to speed this up, you know, and it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously part of it is that the game isn't, isn't pay to win. So you know, you have to pay your sub every month. But, but the thing is I, I want to play this game and I still haven't played it because I haven't had time. But I've just unsubbed from World of Warcraft. Because, because, because I did, I, I also, when I did it, I realized


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit, I'm not going to be able to complete the levelling experience of a game that I paid for now. Because I haven't, because I'm not willing to keep paying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 12 pound a month, because I just, it's frustrating. It's an old, strange thing that I don't know why we are so happy to put up with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it is one of these games of, of, of, of love and hate and, and, and I wonder whether we get in that with Destiny 2. So Destiny 2 Forsaken just came out, me and Sips. Uh, originally we had a, a sponsored deal, cause I'd never played it, so I was like, oh, you know, it'll be good to do a video. We played it randomly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to try this out. And do you want to do a brand deal on this in future? If so, you should probably figure out whether you like what I actually played the game or not. So I was like, I didn't realize that that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, that's what Terpsite said to me sort of on the side. So I was like, I'll play it. But unfortunately I got, it got its hooks into me somehow. And the games haven't managed to get its hooks into me since I think XCOM 2, which incidentally there is a new expansion planned for by the way I heard. Is there? Is there actually? Oh wow. God. That's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I would have thought it would be a new game entirely. Another tear from the deep one sort of thing? Oh please no. I've heard a lot of, there's definitely something coming and it's either going to be a new game or an expansion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they need to not look at any of the old games at all. You know, if they're going to make an underwater XCOM, it needs to be done from the ground up with modern XCOM in mind. Because XCOM 2 is so much different to XCOM 1, which is so much different to the original, but better, better and better. I mean, they've proven that they can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, I'm sure, look, it's such a successful game. It's so good. You know, War of the Chosen came out, what, 2017? Like a year ago? Yeah, it was a year ago. Over a year ago now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's fantastic though, it is really good. I always name them after people. You're like Tweed though, sometimes when one thing goes wrong, you're like, I'm done. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, if you misunderstand the controls, that's fair enough. Uhm, anyway, back to where we were. Uhm, but just quickly on the other side, I played Jagged Alliance Rage, uhm, yesterday. This is the new one? On today I played. Which is the new one, it's coming out in three weeks, and it is garbage. Hot garbage, I'm pretty sure. You know what's frustrating?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love them to bits, 100%. I'm delighted there's more. And the reason there's so many more is because of the very fact that XCOM and War of the Chosen did so well, made so much money. There's loads of them coming out, but a lot of them are just cash in, cash grabbing shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ben was telling me about playing, um, the, the Mario one, Mario one with his kid. Um, and he fucking, they, they both had a wonderful time. Like Ben would say, what should I do now? And then they'd play Mario vs. Rabbids it's called. Yeah, my daughter had a wonderful time playing that together. Um, and it's, it's a great way to introduce people to, to the genre as well. Like these things aren't competition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they actually weirdly do. You have to report back to them quite often, even if you end up not using very much of their stuff, just so they can make sure it doesn't sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like this open source, like shit sort of, basically it was just a table that was made. Exactly. And you kind of, it didn't have any of the rules, right? So you had to like play a card and then sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'd, they'd use arrows and stuff and click it to explain to the opponent what it had done. So you'd be like, so you'd like poke his side of the thing and you'd be like, this, this thing is like, you need to discard a card. Or I'd like double tap on the card and make them to like have, tell them to read it again, you know. But it was very much like, like kind of faith based thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it was very different, like it was more like tabletop simulator for Magic the Gathering, but very quick and easy to use, very simple infrastructure, simple UI, completely legal, obviously, and I don't recommend you see if you can find that, and if it's still there, it probably isn't, it's probably been shut down. No, it probably is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is interesting that you can sort of, but sometimes, sometimes you just wanted to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For certain gays, like with Magic, I just wanted to give a deck a try before I invested the money in it or something like this, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I wanted to get a feel for it. I didn't want to, you know, have to get all the cards, collect the cards, put everything together, give it a go, and then I finally hated it. You know, it's not so bad. I mean, that does happen to me in Hearthstone. Like, I'll disenchant everything to make a fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but also it's partly because Destiny's got its hooks in me. Like nothing, like going back to this, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a satisfying FPS, the world looks great, it's really pretty, it's very smooth, it's not too many people, it doesn't nag you with microtransactions or anything, like I haven't spent an extra cent in it and I don't feel like I need to, you know, it's actually okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, you're a Dota main. That's got its hooks in you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're automatically, I think when you, you automatically just reach for that Dota button, don't you? You just, it's like whenever I load up a Chrome window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, my fingers automatically start typing in reddit.com and then I auto fill r slash yogscast and then I look through that and see what the news is. And it's like, that's my like muscle memory. Do you guys have this muscle memory on your like computer where you sit down and something you just, something loads them automatically?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's what Steve Jobs did, right? He basically, he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He decided he wasn't going to have like cancer therapy for his like treatable cancer. He was going to just go on like a vegan diet. And I was like, is that true?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you gotta fucking have some respect for HBO for like making these shows. The HBO like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the shows are so good. Westworld Season 2, I've been watching, struggling through a little bit. I told you about it, but I'm still, still wrestling my way through it slowly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, it's like, Westworld is a little bit like one of these games for me, which is like, where I just for some reason got a little bit bored and then forgot to finish it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot of like awkward sex. I forgot that you loved rap. I always forget that you're into like massively into American sort of 90s gangster rap. Oh, yeah. But I think flax is kind of too, aren't you? Yeah, in a big way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was. It's so interesting. Cause for me, like, that was never, ever, ever a thing. Like, it was always metal when I was a teenager.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first rap that I really listened to, I guess, must have been like Eminem. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that was, that was for me, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it had Marina Baccarin in it. You know Marina Baccarin? You know who she is? Possibly the biggest crush on her of all time. I don't remember her, but anyway it was huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this same experience. So I had, there were TV shows on at BBC 2 at like 11pm that I couldn't watch and my friend would watch them and they would be like, I think they were, they were called weird things, like, like sci-fi stuff, like, like, there was this, like, Zex or something, like, uhm, what am I thinking of?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, yes, I remember, yeaah. So, so, it was this, there was this, I think I, I think what I did was when I was a kid, I'm sure I've told this before, but what I would do is I would pretend that I was recording something, okay, on a VHS, right? And it was on at like, I don't know, 8 o'clock, something I was allowed to watch, okay? And then I'd just leave the tape rolling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Afterwards and it would record like everything up until like midnight and then I'd fast forward the next day when my parents were out and I'd watch the stuff that was on at late night. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so one of those things was like Lex, and I remember like there was this, it was, I remember there was this scene, there was this scene that was like, yea, it was like, some guy was like, like tied to a chair, okay, and there was this old alien like machine that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a rescuer and now it can't stop rescuing people even when they don't need to be rescued.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just summed up my entire relationship with cats. That's how I feel about cats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that sounds like me and my wife. No, it's cats I find are the same. They're super unpredictable. You never know what they're thinking or what they're going to do. And then, you know, randomly they just turn up with like a fresh kill. They just start like chewing on like in the middle of the living room and stuff. And I don't know how anyone has time for cats. Honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the worst is people who already have kids and then they have pets at the same time and you just think, wow, why give yourself more work on top of already a lot of work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh god. Ver- ver- a verbal laceration. That's all you need. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta use your deep voice, like kids. Kids respond to the deep voice as well, right? They do. They can just sense that like, uh oh, I've crossed the line here. I'm gonna have to sort myself out, and I have to dust myself off, pick myself up, put my helmet back on, and get back in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guinea pigs are nice pets. Yeah, they don't do much. They just, they just chill. They're scared of everything. They're not like too demanding or anything. They like to eat like all of your extra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when you're making a lot of veg and you have like scraps and stuff left over, they love eating it. So it's like, works out. They're like little like, um, little recyclers. Yeah, little garbage compactors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. El garbaggio compactorino. That's Spanish for guinea pig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get super excited too, like when you want them to say something, you're like, hello, and they just look at you. And then when you're trying to sleep at night, all you hear downstairs,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, guys, guys, guys, wait, I have something that we've never talked about before on the Triforce Podcast. Okay. Go for it. Your thoughts and feelings on the new Fallout game that's been announced, Fallout 76. Did you guys see the livestream and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kinda skeptical about that whole take on it as well. I don't know, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess some people have some info and have leaked some info, possibly, but I don't know. I don't know if it's gonna be what people think. It'll have probably some sort of base building elements and stuff, but I think it's gonna have some sort of like overview management stuff as well. I get the feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's a strange one because these are, these, like, Elder Scrolls Fallout are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very, very much loved IPs, aren't they? And the people who do love them don't want them to change much. They just want them to get better, but they want the same experience. You'll see a lot of people that say, I hope the Fallout game is single player. I don't want to play with people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it, if it was a single player, and I'm sure there will be other, you know, Fallout 5, I guess, which will be the next proper sequel, uh, will be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm guessing a single player RPG that everybody will love or hate or whatever, but it's always tricky because at the same time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like these studios need to, and Fallout's tried to do it before, like the previous owners of Fallout and stuff, they did like Fallout Tactics, they tried to sort of like move out of a genre into like another genre with it, or at least


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, their IP into some other genre that was more current and that worked better or whatever and I feel like they're probably just trying to do something like that now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because who knows, you know, like, we don't know what's gonna be what, you know, what the industry's gonna be like in five years, you know, like we, who would've known that Battle Royale game modes were gonna be so popular now, you know what I mean? And like that's, that's, there's tons of them coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, so it's like, I don't know, I guess it makes sense, but it's gonna leave a lot of people salty about it too, because like I said, you will just have people who are like, Fallout is a single player RPG and nothing else, I won't play anything else, like, unless it's that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's based on the games that you play, right? So if you play a lot of Dota and Counter-Strike and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is a tough game. It made me salty a couple of times too. Which is not something, not something I'm used to. I'm a very placid gamer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I play some of them, yeaah. Fallout Shelter I've come back to a couple of times. I like the idea, again, I like the idea of Fallout Shelter, but it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of those games that you can just sort of tinker around with like a couple of minutes every day sort of thing and it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well listen, there's Two Point Hospital coming out, which is like theme hospital for 2018. And that looks pretty fun. And then Jurassic World Evolution looks great too. You build a dinosaur park, you build your own Jurassic park, and you have to build pins for your dinosaurs and look after them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And shit like that. And it's by the, it's by the guys who do Planet Coaster. They're exactly the kind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what else is steadily growing. So those are the two for me. Those are what I'm looking forward to. But like I said, once they're out, hopefully there's like other stuff to look forward to because you kind of need like a constant


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a cycle, right? You binge on something, but then you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want something on the back burner that you can go to as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like again, I think it's one of those things where technically it'll probably be really good, but if you don't like the setting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can take her leave, like I'm not super excited about it, but I'm sure it'll still be a good game, worth playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's definitely themes for me that will, that will get me. Like I like like survival type things. I like sort of post apocalypse things, you know, like whether that's on earth or like, you know, if you're in like a derelict space colony or space station, I like stuff that, that puts you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back, you know, it puts you, it sets you so far back that you're just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang in by a thread and you have to build something up that works and you know, that, that, that can grow and, and become better sort of thing. I love that progression in a game sort of thing. So like those themes are always super.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the, those are the kind of things that'll hook me into a game. And it doesn't matter if it's like, you know, ASCII based like Dwarf Fortress or it's got the best graphics ever, whatever. Like it's all about the setting and the storytelling and stuff for me. I love, love all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I thought, this guy's gonna go critical if I take another kidney or another lung. So I took his heart and that was him. Gone. And I got all of those things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, yeaah. There's always shit like that that happens in that game. And it sets you back, but it's always somewhat manageable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of those older games that everybody holds in a really high regard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep playing the game, and then, you know, the guy would come by and be like, hey, you guys hungry? You ready for food? Then order some food, play the game a bit more, the food would come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we played Katan and we played, uhm, what was the train game? Ticket to Ride. Ticket to Ride. Secret, Secret Hitler we played as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feels like it would just like, become monopoly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are strong statements. Scrabbles. It sucks. These are beloved board games. I know they are! Time has passed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, checkers I think is the one, is the mental home game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doodads and gadgets and shit and the marble has to like drop into a bucket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do, you can, you can provide your patient with a designer vagina now too in operation. Can you give them a vagaz? Yeah, yeah. So if you have any bits, if your patient has like any weird bits, like dangling down from their vagina, you can just sort of like cut them off. I think it's all


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, I get it from time to time, a guy approached me on the street one time, he said, sips? And I was like, oh hey, yeaah. He's like, man, I've got a small penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just chop it off, it gets in the way all the time, god damn. Yeah. Oh man. Just chat, calling to you. Play with me! Play with me! I certainly don't need my balls anymore, so like. Yeah, that's it, that's done. Perhaps we can start, we can get rid of those and then. They're basically retired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God damn. Yeah. Oh shit. That's life. It's the circle of life. At one point in your life, all you can think about is your dick and your balls. And then at another certain point in your life, you're like, God damn, this dick and these balls. Get him out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can usually buy those like at the counter at a toy store because they're just, you know, they're still trying to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, last minute purchase, go through the snaking queue of like a million toys that you never thought still existed and the electric hoop is in there every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're like plastic blocks that, you know, like a slight bit of breeze hits it and the whole thing falls over. So it's kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but if you go to a kid's party and somebody's like, alright, we got Twister, you're like, yep, alright, my kid's never coming to your house again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if you're on a date with somebody though, your first date with somebody and she's like really hot and you get back to your place and you're having coffee and stuff and you bust out the twister, I think that could be a good lead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so my eldest is ten, my youngest is seven. And she's, she's a real innocent, right? She's very sweet, the younger girl. She believes in pretty much anything. Convinced that fairies are real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and my eldest is just a bit of a cow sometimes, gets bored, and just thinks, I'm just gonna fucking screw with my little sister, so uh, hey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is clever, yeah. Yeah, so a week goes past, no money. This was about two years ago I think. And she suddenly, she comes to me and she says, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was in big trouble. We took away her laptop access for like a week, no screen time, all the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was very, very upset. But she took her punishment. Oh, well this is after she told her little sister about it. This is after she told him, yeaah. So, uh, she told her little sister about it. Big trouble. And you could tell, she didn't moan when she got her punishment. She realised, like, I fucked up. Like, that was a fuck up. She saw how much it upset her little sister.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my, my wife and the kids go out at the weekend and they buy a new fairy door. A fairy door, for anyone who doesn't know, there's no reason you would. I've got one. It's a little door. Yeaah. A little door, you would fix it to a low down point skirting board or the bottom of your bed or something. Yeaah. For the fairies to live in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Homeless fairies, you'll lure in homeless fairies. So this, this fairy door was downstairs in the kitchen, and my youngest was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no visitors to this fairy door. I think we need a new one and we need to reposition it. Like she's still clinging to the idea, but you can see her, her fate in fairies is waning. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it says I would like to buy this house. Could you let me know how much you want for it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, my name is Lily, and I'm 11 years old, and I'm a fairy in this area. Uhm, and my youngest, my youngest replied, like wrote her a little note, left it out for her, they exchanged letters for a few days, and then she left a little jelly bean out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I would very much like a shelf. That's the note. That's the entirety of the note. That's the whole note.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The big candy was delicious. I shared it with my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So get this, I said to my wife, I said to my wife, uh, about these fairy notes, and she sort of went, yeah, and laughed. And I was like, oh, it must be her doing it. But then one appeared in the middle of the day, and I thought, must be my youngest writing these notes to herself and stringing it along. So I asked my eldest, I said, are you writing these fairy notes? She goes, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, I think that's really, really sweet of my elders to do that. She didn't have to, we didn't make her, she came up with the idea herself. She's the, the very, and she's very clever because she doesn't write in her handwriting and she misspells things like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've developed two things that I do. If I, if I need them to come downstairs or I need their attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I call their names, they just don't listen. They just zone it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like the sound they make when someone boards a ship. A friend of mine's dad used to do it when he came home. Now, it's just a naval thing. But my friend's dad, whenever he came home from work, we'd be upstairs playing and we'd hear his whistle. And we'd know he was home, we'd go and say hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know when people say eat your crusts, that used to be a big thing. When I was at primary school and we'd have our little packed lunches, we had to eat


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there's, it's just the burnt outer shell of the bread. Like that's basically what it is. It's not as tasty. It's, it's, there's no moisture to it. It's just dried out, hard baked, cooked crust. Like some crust, you can be wrong, there's some bread crust is delicious, sourdough, I love the crust on the sourdough, but it's just a basic


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I, I started doing uhm, I've been doing this for years. This is counting down towards an unknown fate. So my kids won't go up to bed, I'll just start counting. THREE!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's tough is when I feel that an unjust punishment has been put on the kids by Mrs. F.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm sure she feels the same way, but sometimes she'll punish them for something or she'll be angry with them about something and telling them off and she'll punish them. And I'm thinking, this is unjust. You know, I feel like Daredevil in that moment. Like, I must speak out. Like, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Justice, you know, Justice is blind, right? Daredevil. Justice is blind, which is, you know, that's the, I think that's the whole way they came up with that character, thinking about it. But, sometimes she'll do stuff and I'm thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. But that's the thing, we've got to maintain a united front. Occasionally I'll say, I think that's a bit unfair, and she'll be like, we'll discuss it. But not in front of them. It's a bit like the police, you know, it's the law. Even though it's unjust, you've got to uphold the law. I feel like, I hate that idea. Like I never wanted to do,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what I've done now is like, I'll say to them, you have 20 minutes to tidy your room. Wow. You have 20 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, no, tidy, put things away. So they'll like move things to the side of the room. So there's like a heap of Lego against the wall, like a, like a landfill site rather than being put in the Lego box. I was like, you just tidy. So now, now I get a bin bag, big black bin bag. And I come in there and I'm like, cool. And I just start picking up rubbish. I'm like, there's rubbish all over the floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the worst thing is one of them will be really trying, and then the other one is just half-arsing it, because she's thinking, oh she's taking care of this, I can just fucking sit here, and then she'll


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, the thing is, I can still feel the shudder of both apprehension and terror and uncontrollable laughter when me and my sister would do something like in our room and my mum would come hering down the hallway in her slippers because they'd be like fap fap fap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, I, I had a very, very profound fear of the dark when I was a kid, like it always used to scare me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even now, like if I get downstairs and I gotta get some water, go to the toilet, it's not a problem. It's when I'm coming back up the stairs, I feel like something's gonna reach through the banisters and get me. So I always like, hurry up the stairs. And I'm thinking, you're 43, what are you doing? But I'm still a little bit


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, like that. That's that one. So it started off, some people said, oh, it was schlocky and schlocky, I had trouble saying that word, schlocky and stupid and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically, the people in this apartment building are all members of a satanic cult, and they get her pregnant with Satan's baby, and this baby's gonna be like the antichrist and stuff. That's the part, right? And it's really well done, it's very, very creepy, and she feels so isolated as a character, and that's what makes it really scary. That's why when I watch these horror movies,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's like a whole gaggle of fucking idiots and they're all getting iced one by one. I'm like, who cares? It's one person against a bunch of normal-ish people that suddenly revealed to have a creepy side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's freaky, I think, rather than just standard jump out and uh, you know, horror.


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[Assistant] Very much so. And your character's teeth chatter when he gets scared. And I was like, this is actually...


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[Assistant] So I have some questions about, well, vanilla well. Is it literally the same as it was at release but with better graphics? Like they literally said we're going back the exact same well.


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[Assistant] I just uh, I just feel like a lot of the people that played WoW back then, like me and like you guys, I don't want to fucking go back and do that shit. Like I did it then because it was new, but the idea of like Lewis says, killing 30 kobold, I'm like, fuck this, like why do I do that?


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[Assistant] No, I think, uh, I mean, we played a lot of these games, right, like a lot of these games. A lot of the stuff that we enjoyed back then was either because it was new or we had more free time. I mean, this was when I played WoW, I wasn't doing any streaming, I didn't have any kids.


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[Assistant] Uh, my, the hours that I worked were kinda funky, so I sometimes had like a whole fucking day. Yeah. And I was like, what am I gonna do today? So I was like, well I'll just fucking play WoW all day. And I did. And I would do things like say, I can't...


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[Assistant] Uh, hang out with you to- this evening, Mrs. F, cause we've got a fucking raid, and she's like, alright, how long is that gonna take? I was like, four bows, you know? So it's like, she's like, what? Like this was a whole new idea, that games would actually become...


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[Assistant] Take a- a weekend now to go raid somewhere and prepare for the raid, there's no fucking way. Like I- I- I feel like nowadays, maybe the- I- I wouldn't do that but like- like the horror games, like you guys said, maybe there are people out there who fucking love that shit.


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[Assistant] Lewis? Maybe he, uh, maybe grandpa paid him a visit.


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[Assistant] And with, as his brain function is starting to slow down, the last thing he can hear is us shit-talking him. I hope nothing's happened to him legitimately.


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[Assistant] What do you, what do you think, uh, for Tri Force 100 at YodCon? I've been thinking, like, are we gonna do it, like, we're gonna do like a live...


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[Assistant] And then we have a chance, like we have a Triforce question box. The question suggestion for the Triforce, uh, digestion. Yeah. Okay. And we, people put, oh hello! Welcome back, sorry. Oh, we thought you died. We have to know, we have to know where you've been.


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[Assistant] Well, you know, let me tell you about one more thing about the tooth fairy. I just remembered this was, this was something that they came up with. I listen in on their conversation sometimes cause they're so funny. Cause there's no one there to correct the truth. You know what I mean? Whatever they could think of, if they both agree that sounds reasonable, well, that must be what happened.


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[Assistant] There's no one to come in and say, no, no, no, no, no, that's, that doesn't happen. So I just listen in because some of it's hysterical.


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[Assistant] So they were like, my youngest says to the eldest, she says, why do you think the tooth fairy stopped coming then? Because she stopped believing it. My eldest said, look, I was just fucking with you, the tooth fairy is real. And she said,


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[Assistant] I didn't do anything. And they're like, yeah, maybe the cat ate our last tooth fairy. Now we have to wait for a replacement tooth fairy to be sent in. And then they were like,


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[Assistant] On a mission. And I could, I could see them telling the cat like, don't eat Lily. Like, don't eat the new fairy. We're gonna be really angry with you cat. And the cat's just like staring at him like a cat. But yea, now they think the cat maybe ate the last fairy. But I love the idea of the fairy on a mission. Got killed. Killed in action.


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[Assistant] You know what, that's the mark of a pro. The mark of a pro. Oh yeaah. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I was very annoyed at people's reaction to that episode. There was a lot of nerdy...


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[Assistant] Like just noise, people whining. I don't understand it. What are you moaning about?


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[Assistant] Shit's, shit's really bad in a lot of other ways. I think that's what's fed into it. It's like the whole world's fucking falling apart, and we're part of it falling apart, and it's all falling apart in really fundamental ways. Not just like, here's trade union laws should be changed. This shit like, the ocean is dying.


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[Assistant] Natives seem to be very, very upheavy this time of year. That's the kind of stuff that's like, yeah, it's bad, but geez, now it's like, oh, by the way, all insects, all plants and all people are going to be dead in 10 years is like a standard headline. I'm like, oh, fucking.


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[Assistant] So, do you realize you were speeding at 103 miles an hour in a 40 zone? Officer, I care so much about hitting children, I figure I better get you that area as fast as possible to minimize the chance of seeing any children. That's my goal here, officer, and you wanna stop me? You wanna stop me from saving?


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[Assistant] Plant items such as seeds and fruit, human refuse, comma, chips.


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[Assistant] The problem I have with the environmental movement is, it's all young people. And god bless them, they can't do shit.


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[Assistant] Like you need some crusty old fucks that actually have power and money to get behind it. Like a lot of them. And if you don't do that, the young people are gonna fucking give up. That's the sad thing, is they're right.


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[Assistant] But this, it's gonna absolutely run out of momentum. Once they get...


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[Assistant] Married and have families and careers and shit. They're gonna leave all that behind. You're gonna have to hope another generation of young people- Nobody listens to young people.


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[Assistant] Even though they have the most to lose, because they're going to be living here a lot longer than we are, no one fucking listens to them. So all these, these kids are coming along, they're right, they've got a tiny voice, unfortunately. There's no political fucking willpower behind this at all.


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[Assistant] But it's bad. I mean, all that I heard was cabbies moaning, oh bloody protestors, fucking jobs, sick of it. I'm like, well, they have a point, you know, you're just not listening because they happen to inconvenience you. My mates, fairly liberal guys.