[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand why, yeah, I would be worried too if you're like, golly, dude, it seems like every 30 minutes to an hour, this is happening to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's how you get a number. I don't know. 150, 300.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Samara, they did all that stuff too? Like so they were like, they didn't know how to fight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Ten percent of them. That's crazy. Yeaah. That's a lot. So that's almost like they're police. But like even, or, it's their military.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a special class. Are they like Navy SEALs or are they even, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's special, but you gotta be, you gotta be allowed to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta be welcomed in. Well, then it's not very hereditary, you know. Like, uh, but we also do a thing. We take people from Utah. If they want to be the same. That's the only way. Like that's, you know, like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. We don't have any footage of that. You're like, nah, they're good, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It read at the beginning like it was like this thing, and then it switched to like, let's make sure our sword's sharp enough and we're beheading people. And you're like, well, you can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care what year it is, it just doesn't make sense. And once a little of that, your rumors of that get around, I mean, who's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not rolling their windows up as they go by Samurai. I think you're just, you got that cranking it up. Samurai up here, you know, and you're.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it seems like they're bad guys. Ninja feels like you could trust a ninja more. I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you go from, your code starts at the beginning, their main code is you gotta be bloodline, but we also, you know, we open to meet people and see if that fits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they go into like, but you gotta, you gotta code, you can't break this code. But if you want to break the code, call Ninja.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, say, hey man, uh, you know, I want you to do some stuff. How do I check my swords? Well, just kill the townspeople and just see if your sword is sharp enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they got, yeah. I mean, you, I mean, to even carry that stuff around is probably just the weight of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know who I'm on board with here. You know? I don't know if you necessarily have to pick a side. I think you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you could, I mean, I think a ninja, I least like that I know what I'm getting. I know what I'm getting and I don't know what I'm getting. But I treat him as always, I don't know what I'm getting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a samurai, I think you would think, well I think I'm getting this one thing, and then there's a chance you're getting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I don't know what Harry Potter is, but it's, I know what it is, I never watched it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a, you know, I was a wizard and I was on the wizard team and then we get over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, so you would go, and so you would, like your classes would be on, uh, slither. Is that what that means?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, wow. And then they're trying to cover the tracks by going, what are you saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I got hit for trying to watch it one time, but yeah, I guess my class can be called slithered. So let's just do it, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, the thing you read earlier was 150, 300. So it could be kind of that scenario. It's like, what's that? He goes, birds. I'll tell you later. And he goes, I got to write it today. They could turn into birds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting back there real fast. So you think this is probably a... I like to hear what you secretly say. You know, no, he's just good at like, you know, getting out of the way and running where you can't see him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, she's good. Oh my gosh, she is shapeshifting. She's a shapeshifter. What are you crazy, dude? She's good at being cut in half.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a warlord, it's bad, right? Is a warlord bad? It's just a guy that's good at war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, yeaah, but back then, it was like, it was like, so they just walked around and did wars. So would you have, you would have a king, and then does that king have a warlord?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Specific warlord? Where does the warlord live? Does he live in a country that's run by, is he the top?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you're, if you're, you know, the president, if we were like, we talked to our president of the United States and then we're like, well, I'd like to hear what the ward lord thinks. And then we go listen to him and he's like in Cleveland, you know, on zoom. And he's like, well, I think we're going to, I got some different plans than what the president wants us to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but like, is he against it? Like it's like, is he, cause I thought warlords would take over when they take over kingdoms and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look up what a warlord is. I think a warlord takes over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's- Otherwise, like, when you know what he is, he's like, oh no, he's a, uh, how you doing? I'm a warlord. Uh, like once he says it, you're like, oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, alright. But Warlord is, yeaah. I don't think you really answered anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think they take over, they take over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That's what I mean. Like you don't have, if you're a king, you don't go, well, what's the warlord doing? Warlords are like, it's like a pirate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would like, but bigger, but comes in and just goes, I'm going to run your whole thing. And then you, no one can do anything. His people take over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The military. And now that country is run by him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't, but I think they, uh, well I think, but I think they could break off. Like you could have like a general, you have a guy at top, whatever, but then if he gets a little bad and becomes a warlord and then he sends all those people to fight the government.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would think the word Lauren gets like, it's like a word of mouth, and eventually it can get big enough. As it starts and goes, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you, and then you never go out and say, how you doing? I'm a warlord. I would love to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A piece of promo stuff. A lot of people on board with you in the city, the town, they're like, Oh yeah, that doesn't make sense. And then he eventually takes over and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You seem like a nice guy when we talk to him, but the more I'm, they're not saying it, but I think he's, feels like he's a warlord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? I've never seen it. Is it good or is it like, I just feel like it's a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In fact, uh. Is it, he, you know, he lives, he doesn't live with wolves, but they, he, there's, there's wolves in this. Oh yeaah. Or is there no wolves in it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I might go watch it in like first two minutes and we'll be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's in Nashville, he lives here now. That's right. I'll take that back, I'm sorry. Very excited. So if you guys, if you guys are out there- You look like the one from Oklahoma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's the, it's probably been the way you say it. That's very true. That's the problem with comics is you can't say something serious, even though we will think it's great. But even if you said this is part of my culture, I'm proud of it. I would like to give you this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would then make fun of you and then I would say, I really do appreciate it. That's very nice. But I'm going to have a hard time not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Rodney said he just said, well, I just so you know, I regret it and I will regret it for the rest of my life. Now I did it until you said that. And then I've, that was the beginning of regret. Just so you, if you want a timeline, there was the beginning of regret and no, it will go to the day I die. It'll never end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright everybody, uh, thank you, we're back, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm in Birmingham, the day this comes out, Birmingham.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charleston, I believe. And then, uh, I got to go to Vegas for the Grammys. So the Grammys will be, I'm doing the live stream. I'm presenting on the Grammys at the live stream. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, so go to his Instagram, all your stuff's on his special. We will obviously keep you updated on his special. And uh, let you know when that comes out. Uh, Aaron?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was all a mini episode. Uh, as always, thank you everybody. We love you very much. Uh, thank you for listening to this and, uh, we will, uh, see you, uh, next time. See you. Bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life Insurance gives you peace of mind and you can trust Policy Genius.


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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said, uh, was it just me or was Aaron a little off today? Seems like he really is concerned about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody suggested that like after episode two, a comment, like just have him in another room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was going to say a lot of people, uh, said Greg Warren was great. And I'm like, yeah, we know. We had no idea he was going to be that good and we'd already asked SD. So what are you going to do? Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. If you went back in time to 1960 and you had to see a doctor, would you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you had a medical issue. Would you trust the doctor more than you would trust just what you know now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would. Well, I don't know anything now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it a real big? I don't know. I'm just thinking how far back would you have to go before you trust yourself more than you would the doctor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't, I don't personally know him. Like I said, he was younger. His, his brothers were older. I know his uncle who's the mayor of Wilson County, but I don't, I don't know Craig, but I guess he listens to the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I think you stole this story in the podcast. It looked like he was a spy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People said that his 9-11 prediction couldn't be real because steel wasn't a thing, but maybe just predicted steel would be a thing too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If someone relies on your financial support, whether it's a new baby girl named Eleanor,


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[Assistant] Click the link in the description or head to policygenius.com slash nate and answer a few questions.


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[Assistant] You could say 50% or more on life insurance by comparing quotes with policy gene. 50%. That's a good deal. That's awesome.


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[Assistant] Head to policygenius.com slash Nate to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a co-headlining show in Woodstock, Georgia and it was great. Packed it out. I think sold out, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I thought Aaron would have some way to blink in your except BitCorn or something. So I didn't want to be the old guy. I get there, Aaron's cards are either not working. So I have to do all the credit cards for his shirts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They thought I was Chase. They thought I was his dad. What was your merch? What was your t-shirt? Uh, the ones that Kevin made. Hello folks. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have a little squirrel update? I have a lot of squirrel updates. Since I last talked about it, they've hit my car twice. Twice. They might listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Light came on in my car. This is just like two weeks ago. And then I took it in the shop and they're like, yep, squirrels bit through your fuel line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're gonna, you know, they fixed it or whatever. It was in the shop for a week. I bring it home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have so many critters. We have a groundhog, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Snake of the day. Oh, so then, so then I go, uh, oh, there's the, uh, that's the, that's the mechanics took a picture of it, showed the line, tore through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then, my father-in-law is very stressed about it. He has nothing else going on. So he's like, I'm gonna, I already put out a fake snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fake Al, but now the squirrels just think they're friends, so they're like, that didn't work. So my father-in-law, I'm gonna get another fake snake, but he doesn't know how to order stuff online or something. So he went to Phillips Toy Mart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, right now I have two snakes under my car and a bar soap, uh, cause someone suggested on the podcast, the Irish spring original soap and they said put it in a sock and it's fascinating. I don't know how to do that. So I just put a bar soap under my car, but it's raining today. So when I get home, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean I put it on the neighborhood Facebook thing and tons of people commented like it's a real problem. Now most people have garages and I guess we're gonna have to do that, but that's a, that's not a quick fix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's crazy. There's a lot of, there's just a lot of critters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, uh, over half Americans first job was working at a restaurant. I think I'm the only one here that hasn't worked at a restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the most annoying question y'all got as servers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could y'all sense though, when you served, who was going to be a good tipper and who wasn't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are tips pulled? Like are you hurting other people? Depends on the restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were they clean restaurants, like in the back, or would there be just stuff like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Servers and their biggest pet peeves and here's a view. One of them is order for your kids. They don't like it when there's a small kid and the parent says, what do you want to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they don't know how to do it yet. It takes, it takes up their time getting the kid to do it. So just order for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another one they said is they don't mind if you have coupons, but realize when you tip, tip on what it would have been, not after all the discounts have been put in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If someone asked y'all if something's good or not good, could you be honest with them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's read that most, most restaurants will say, just say it's our most popular dish and that's code for, I don't really like it, but some people do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another one server said they hated it and I'm guilty of this. Starting a deep conversation as soon as you sit down at a table, but you don't know what you want to order yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So. Wait, what do you mean? Like, you come in, meet a friend, hadn't seen him in a while, you sit down, you immediately get into a, catching up, talking, whatever, and then the server comes over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys read Warner? Well, we ain't even looked at the menu. Oh yeah. And then maybe they come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five minutes later, still haven't looked at the menu because you're still catching up. They're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Figure out what you wanna eat first. And then you come back and they go, where you been?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate going up, like if my family or somebody's like, go up there and ask them how much more time, like if you're waiting for it. Cause I'm sure that just annoys the host.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And did you ever, I bet people saw, cause my experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We came before those people and they just got a table and then you have to tell them, well, that's a table of two and y'all are a table of eight or something like that. Was that a big part of it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I go to a restaurant and you ask for a table. No one would agree with that. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ask for a table and they don't audibly say, follow me. They just start walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have to decide if that's, and up until a couple years ago, I always ate by myself. And I wouldn't ask for tableware.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the back of the restaurant and then she just walks into the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had followed her all the way? Yeah, she had no, she never knew. I just, she just walked on in and then I like realized, so she wouldn't tell me to follow her. She was just going to the bathroom. So I just turned around and went back to the front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Based on their average 102% boost last quarter, uh, not the very last quarter, but last year in, uh, sales because of Walker Hayes song Fancy Like. That song just took off and became a hit and it's about Applebee's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's two conflicting things. I guess it depends on the restaurant, restaurant lighting and restaurant music, the science behind it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Restaurant lighting, some restaurants are very, very dark. They say because it makes you stay longer. It feels more intimate. Hides the roaches.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that might be true, but, uh, they've done studies that shows it makes it more intimate. You stay longer, you order more food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, whereas if it's bright in there, it makes you just get it and go and get out of there. Like a Waffle House model. Yea. Get in, get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But music, uhm, they pump on music for kind of the opposite reason because they want you in and out. They like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Music makes you feel, it makes you go, get going, get your food, you get going, you get out of there. So then they can turn the tables over. I guess it depends on what type of restaurant you want. If you want people to stay a while or get going, but they do have science behind it. Cause we've all been to restaurants where the music's super loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super pumping or nice restaurant where I can't even read the menu anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got a magnifying glass. Look at all my readers. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the blind people would have to lead you to your seat and to the bathroom, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most expensive restaurant in America I looked up is a sushi bar in New York City called


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then they're going to tell you something. I'd love to ask. I don't think they know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now there's a burger at Mandalay Bay in Vegas. I don't think it's on the menu, but it's $5,000 burger. Oh gosh. At this place, FLIR, F-L-E-U-R, FLIR. $5,000 burger. Uh, 28 have been sold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Uhm, but it's $5,000 burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not saying that all 28 were billionaires, but it's- I can't believe they've only sold


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waffle house has its own terminology for the cooks. Oh yeah. Do you guys know what scattered smothered and covered means?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you mentioned the specials, I always heard that the specials are the things they're trying to get rid of before they go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best ADA out said it was Tuesday because that's the day that most restaurants get their deliveries in. So the food's the freshest. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. The busiest day of the year for restaurants. Anybody want to guess? Mother's Day. Uh, hold on. Uh, great guest. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, dirtiest item on a table is the menu. They said the servers don't wipe them down usually. I would think the salt and pepper. That's second. They don't wipe those down either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the Cracker Barrel peg game, there's 6,000 different ways to, to win that. You can go on their website, it'll show you how to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a kind of NFL tradition for rookies to get the tab, you know, and there's always these huge tabs. There's a lot of different cases. There's a case for the Titans guy a couple of years ago at a $10,000 tab. Oh wow. And he, uh, he walked out on it. No, no, no. He paid it, but the other players, you know, gave it to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, he posted on social media and there's a lot of keys like this guy didn't even last. He's out of the league now. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause people are like, well, you're a millionaire and they did the math. It was 2.5% of his yearly salary. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like that's you know, just nothing to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a team right now. Izzy, did he make millions of dollars? Uh, I don't even know if he did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Whatever 2.5% of your salary is. I'll figure that out. That's what, well that right there, that chart showed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] June 22nd, I'm headlining Zany's Comedy Club. Uh, Aaron's on the show. I'm telling people Nate's on the show, uh, just to get ticket sales up, but. Yeah, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm telling people you're on the show. So anyway, come on out to the show and, uh, we'll have a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but as far as the video, yeaah, I mean, and I saw all my cameos look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you can decide right now. Right now? It's either you don't go to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, just great traditions, really, everyone there seemed to love it. Yeah. It just felt like a good place to go. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My housing all set up, but I haven't sent my like, enrollment deposit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the last thing I need to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello folks, uh, today, consider this with your permission slip to put your mental health first. Match with your dedicated therapist today at TalkSpace.com. Use promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During sign up to get $100 off your first month. That is $100 off at TalkSpace.com. Promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land, uh, podcast. I'm here with, uh, Aaron Weber, Brian Bates, and we have a wonderful guest, very funny comedian, uh, known for a long time, Greg Warren.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're not against walk around the neighborhood. No. Yeah. You don't mind like, you just kind of wander.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's awesome. Uh, well, we're glad you're here. We're getting to, uh, from Missouri. So we're doing a little episode about Missouri, which is, uh, fun. Uh, so we're reading some of these weird comments, uh, from, uh, so we're going to read those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First up, Forrest. Excellent episode. Love the AI talk. I almost said owl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I imagine I'm not the only one who signed up on the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is the art thing that you talked about. And so they're signing up, people are like, in the waiting list to try it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's art in the programming, but it's like, we're not watching the programming. Like it's, it's almost like to show the art of the programming, I guess would be don't hang that picture up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it doesn't make the mistakes. Yeah. Okay. Just in, I mean, I get it's fun. It's a fun, like, but I think if you did it like that, where if you go just type something in, you had a keyboard, maybe it'd be real art. You have a little keyboard laid out. You have the computers like behind the wall and it's like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Picture frame? That'd be pretty awesome. And then you go just type whatever you want to type in. And then it draws it. That would be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chandler Starks, listen to this week's episode on my way home from my last college class ever, just to hear Aaron explain how AI can write whole papers instantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess I learned the biggest college hack a few minutes too late. That is true. Man. Can you imagine that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, Cole is our intern that looks stuff up and he, uh, he could just fake it.


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[Assistant] He's smart though, so he is, he's like AI. So.


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[Assistant] He'll just have the athletes using him as AI. That's what I tell you. If you're, if you're one of these smart college students, you should do it where you write your own papers because you're legit. But when an athlete just charged people to be like, I'll do, what do you want to do? And then just, and write all the papers AI. And then you make some cash.


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[Assistant] But it's not, you know you're not learning. So like if you went to college and was like,


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[Assistant] I, if you, someone's like, I don't believe in these papers. I think these teachers are making this stuff up. There's something like that I would probably do. Like, I ain't falling for your system. You making me read Shakespeare and stuff. Like there ain't no reason for me to read. Like if there was like, you could maybe talk your way into believing that. But I think a smart kid.


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[Assistant] Instead of writing out an athlete's paper, I think I would just, you know, you gotta be, make sure if they start getting caught, you know, these guys will come down on you. So I'd probably have, you know, some people around you have some, uh, some fall guys, some security.


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[Assistant] I don't think these athlete kids would even realize, like, I mean, I'm not an athlete kid, but I'm not smart. So I would have not like, this is beautiful. This is really well written. And then if you don't say anything and the teachers like, I know this is, you're right. There's no way they can prove it. Yeah.


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[Assistant] It's a bit, you know, I should just be a guy that's two years behind. That'd be a way to go. Then you're like, what if they did this? You're like, yeah, they're, well, they've been doing that for a few years and you're like, oh, okay.


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[Assistant] Today's episode was a lot of fun as always. I'm interested to know your take on the following moral dilemma. You're traveling down the road in a self-driving car at some point in the future and the truck in front of you loses something off the back. The only way for your self-driving car to avoid crashing and killing you is to swerve into a group of pedestrians on the sidewalk and kill them.


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[Assistant] Well does it, I mean it's the same though, but group, you can picture more. You know, like group makes you, group's the one, you're like, maybe too many people are gonna be like, obviously get rid of that one. But then group, you're like, alright dude. Five to one ratio. Five to one, you can't run through five people.


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[Assistant] But I, I understand. I think one, I think a person makes a joke about it. If you go one.


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[Assistant] But if you say group, then you're like, well, now I got to think about it. This is what I love thought experiment. So.


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[Assistant] They could do the, they could do your worth of like, if you're gone, are you going to be, does it matter? You know, like baits just getting hit every day.


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[Assistant] That is true. I don't know how they're going to program that. That's probably the tricky part. That's probably, you know, that is crazy because it's like, what are you going to do?


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[Assistant] And then is it like, whose fault is it? It's like, you could be like, I'm just sitting there. I'm not, you know, I don't make the decision.


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[Assistant] Uh, Jesse Mann, hello folks, two episodes in a row, I've listened to two self-proclaimed Tennessee boys mispronounce Appalachian mountains. It's Appalachian, not Appalachian. Appalachian. Appalachian. Oh, and I say Appalachian.


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[Assistant] Appalachian Mountains. Come on guys, love the show, keep up the great work. Uh, you had an, I don't know if, uh, Appalachian, Appalachian. I think I like that better. Appalachian? Appalachian.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, you know. Yeah, well, he knows. Jesse knows. Uh, everybody knows who it's, we know it's Jesse. Appalachian. I bet they say it like Appalachian mountains. We're just gonna keep saying it.


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[Assistant] Casey Nelson, I love how they kept questioning if Arnold was in the third Terminator when they were looking right at his face on the cover bigger than it was on the first and second cover.


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[Assistant] We watched something, uh, uh, what was it with Justin Smith, uh.


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[Assistant] God, it's a movie. Steven Seagal dies immediately in the movie.


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[Assistant] God, it's like an airplane on the front of it. Uh, something decision. I think it's something decision. Executive decision. Executive decision. Maybe that's it. I just guessed. Executive decision. Kurt Russell too.


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[Assistant] Yes. Yes. So, but uh, in that movie, it was a fun movie, uh, Steven Seagal's in it, and so you're watching it, and like, it's like supposed to be this


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[Assistant] You know, you're like, alright well Steven Seuss is in it. In the beginning of it, I mean I guess I'm ruining it, but I mean I'm the only one that hasn't seen any movie ever. This is from 1996. But he dies like that.


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[Assistant] Like immediately. Right away. And you're almost, and the whole time you're kind of like, and so I didn't know any of this and like, you know, Justin's not telling me this. And so I'm going, like I'm waiting for him, like, well he's probably coming back, right? Like he's going to be back a lot.


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[Assistant] Look at this, he's the biggest star in the world at this. How do you, like, and so people went crazy about it cause they were like, how are you gonna kill off a guy that, the guy that would sell the movie?


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[Assistant] And I think he was on the, uh, he was on posters and stuff and, and then they just, yeaah, it's pretty interesting. Uh, alright.


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[Assistant] Casey Nelson, uh, oh, that's one dude. Jake Wood Watkey. Hmm, I bet that's right. Watkey.


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[Assistant] Love the CVS updates and want to let Brian know Hazel is not alone. I'm a pharmacist and one of the funniest prescriptions I've ever filled was Prozac for a dog named Twinkie with the directions, take one tablet as needed for thunder.


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[Assistant] Dogs take human meds all the time, but their different phobias requiring medication is always a good laugh. There you go.


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[Assistant] Was it nice and faint? How long did it take you to find the pharmacy?


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[Assistant] I've never thought about the owls though. That is true, I picture it.


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[Assistant] You walk in, it's all like, hey, you can see the pharmacy in the back right away.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't think she ever thought this was good. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I didn't get it. That's what I do. Maybe I go, yeah.


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[Assistant] Big fans of the show. Gives me a great chuckle each week on my commute. Thanks for all you guys do and uh, think and think you do. Uh, thanks for all you guys do and think and think you do.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I think that was a shot. Yeah, it might be. Taking a shot. Uh, yeah. Pescapelli. I get what you're saying.


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[Assistant] I can see, cause it starts with a P, it starts you off down that road. And so it's hard to get back off. You know what I mean? A Pescapelian is like, no one's going to even think of those together. You would think P to P.


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[Assistant] That's a pretty good one. You're killin' it so far. You're killin' it so far. Uh, now on the, this is Laura. She puts it all on one, I mean.


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[Assistant] It's all blurred over each other and I'm trying to read and she's like, well, we only use one sheet of paper for a book. Uh.


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[Assistant] We would almost be like, you're like, I only remember good looking people. Yeah. Or you remember.


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[Assistant] I don't think it ever sounds as good as you think on video. It never, it never, you never, it is, I'm making fun of it, but it's hard to, when you go back and listen to it, it's, it's just a different feeling. You're there. Then when you go back to hear it and you have like a camera in the back, it's like, you know, but.


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[Assistant] It's, nah, I do agree. It's, uh, nah, I don't listen to them. I've never listened to a set.


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[Assistant] I could, I think I would be better watching. Really? I think so.


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[Assistant] It's hearing, it's, yeaah. It's like almost like too much in your head when you just hear. If I'm watching, I know it's like, there's at least a disconnect. And then maybe I'm listening, it's like too much like, god.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's a good, uh, that's a, that, that is a good way to do it. I mean, people listen, I've always had trouble with it, just cause I think it's the way I...


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[Assistant] Tell a joke is like, it's always a little different.


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[Assistant] And not, and it's not like the joke changes, but it's like the way I get into it, the way I transition, like there's like little things that make it seem different. And so sometimes there'll be a line here and there. Like, I mean, he'd always be like, basically like, well, you didn't say this one way this time. It's like that way would just go away from me.


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[Assistant] And then it's like, and then I'd be, there'd be a new way I'm saying it. No, I think that's part of-


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[Assistant] Yeah, well you get, like, you're doing so many shows, you just get...


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[Assistant] You end up like being like, you're trying to mess with it almost too much, which could be not a good thing, but. Oh yeah, man.


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[Assistant] And cause I was like, let me try this. I tried one new way. It went really good one night. I tried to get another night and it did not.


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[Assistant] And then I switched up some other stuff because I was trying to like fit things differently. Like, you know, I mean everybody does, but I look, it's all a puzzle and so you're all just like, here's this chunk about my parents or my wife, you know, or here's like the kind of miscellaneous chunk.


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[Assistant] And so I was like, let me try to mix it all up and I mix it all up. And I mean, I lost so much time.


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[Assistant] Like I did it. I mean, I was probably hitting like usually around an hour. Yeah. And then, uh, all right, you can get into 63, 64 and stuff like that. And then, uh, I did it and I was like one night I'm doing it and I know like my wife chunk is roughly 20 minutes.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and I look and we have a, I have a clock up there. So it's, I'm at 30 and I'm about to get into the wife stuff. And I'm like, well, this is done. I go, so.


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[Assistant] I was like, I don't know if I'm, it's gotta go great for me to get to 50 now.


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[Assistant] And so then I had to add stuff and like, but I just told some stories that like, I'm not, some new stories that I've, I'm necessarily not going to put in this new hour, but I was like, that I've already thought of. And so I was like, well, let me just, I added like a couple long stories, you know, that I was able to get to 60, but it was, I was like, God.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm, yes, that is, alright. It's a solid bid, I love telling it. I just forgot it this time. I have that now, cause now you gotta try to do, I mean people like, I'm a, it's like, I do like 60, uh,


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[Assistant] I've done 68, 64, I'm in that range. And, uh, I'm trying to get myself to eventually get to 75.


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[Assistant] I don't know if I will before this next special comes out, but like the next special is like I want to be doing like 75 minutes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm saying like when you're doing live shows, it's like really just getting to 75. I mean the, it's, I know like some of the bigger places you go and stuff like that, it's like, I think you need to be up there a little more and then, uh,


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[Assistant] But it's a hard thing. It's hard. You know, some guys can just, they can go do 90 minutes. And then I'm just like, how, I don't know how to do that.


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[Assistant] Me too, me too. Yeah. And so it's like, I don't know how to, it's like stretches, you know, cause you want it to still be tight. That's the thing is I still want to be very tight.


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[Assistant] So I don't know, it's hard to be super tight for 75 minutes, but maybe there's a, you know, but if you...


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[Assistant] I don't, they, well I don't think they can, I think that's an hour. I mean I don't know how much, a straight joke teller comic is, I don't think you could go that long. I don't either. It's, and I'm not saying, an hour is usually good. It's, you know, but if you even got 70 minutes, even if it was like, you know.


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[Assistant] I just think that's good. Like, but I mean, I think it's just where, I think it'll be the next stage of where I'm.


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[Assistant] Just stuff's maybe a little bit longer, but it's like, I want to keep it as tight as I can keep it, you know? That's the, the tightness is the thing that's, cause sometimes people can do that, but they're not tight. I heard a joke this weekend and you're like, this joke should be two minutes and he makes it five. And you're like, well, this should be two.


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[Assistant] And it's a very funny joke, but it's like, you gotta suck the life out of that thing, man. That would, it would be an amazing two minute joke. And it's like, kind of you're over it on a five minute joke. Cause it's just like, and you can tell that like, that's probably your best joke.


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[Assistant] And so you're trying to stretch it out. Doubling down on it. You would all the chips in on that.


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[Assistant] We have such great check off points. So in the joke is like, he's got such big like pops that it's like, there's probably like three, four like big laughs. And so the time in between those laughs, it's like, you can cause you know, those laughs, those laughs are solid.


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[Assistant] They're very real because it's a very funny thing that he's talking about. And I don't want to say it because I don't, uh, but it's, it's, I could see.


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[Assistant] But it's like, he knows it. And then it's like trying to like play it out too much in the middle. Yeah. To get the time up. And you're like, yeah, man, but that joke would either be, you're going to walk out on a standing ovation. It's going to be just a slow kind of build. That's a very good joke, but then it's like, you got it.


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[Assistant] That's the stuff that you gotta go learn. That's why it's like experiences everything because you, you get put in that position to be like now, look, you still now have crowds that like, they don't laugh.


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[Assistant] You know, like, you have a show and you're like, well, this one, they were laughing so long and loud and so I had to pause a lot more. And then you get in another venue and you're like, well, they're a little bit tighter. They're laughing, they're laughing, but it's not as long. It's not as easy. Uh, so it's like all your time shrinks up.


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[Assistant] And, uh, it's funny, but you gotta learn how to do it. Cause back, cause when you do it, you have nothing and you're like.


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[Assistant] You just threw this material. You learned that you're like, whatever amount of time you have, you have half that.


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[Assistant] You know what? That is very true. I had it, well on the cruise, I might have told a story on a cruise ship. Uh, I, I like did it where, you know, you gotta do, did I ever talked about the cruise ship, uh, on this or I don't know.


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[Assistant] It's, I think, so there's a real bad bomb of yours. Yeah, bombed and like, so you have to do, you know, like two clean sets, two dirty sets. I don't have dirty sets, but it's, uh,


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[Assistant] But then they, that then one night I was like, I'm going to do a best of of all that. And then everybody's been to every show. So I'm like, they've heard everything. And I mean, I'm at, you know.


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[Assistant] Barely. And, uh, so, and there he started him and says, I had to do crowd work and it was from a week's, I never thought of it. Why it went so bad. Cause it was from a week.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, Daniel Dwigans, when the guys were talking about fireworks, Nate said, July's in the middle, so you're always around it. And Aaron and Justin didn't say anything about it. I know the calendar episode was quite a while ago, but we might need a part two soon, part two soon to remind everyone how time works. Uh.


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[Assistant] If you think of stuff as the calendar year, it's like you're


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[Assistant] It's always in the, you're always, you're so focused on...


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[Assistant] You know, after New Year's Eve, it's fireworks. Either of you take that away. You go, you know, January and you're like, well, July 4th is the next big celebrity, so you're always thinking about fireworks. Then after it happens, you want to buy them because they're cheap and so you're like, I'll save them for the next year or something. And then it's like, then you get caught up with Christmas.


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[Assistant] And then once Christmas is done, then you're like, God, is it? I can start buying fireworks.


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[Assistant] And that's why they stay open. So it's just year round. But the New Year's Eve thing makes it sound more better. Yeah. Uh, I should stick with that.


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[Assistant] I thought you. It's probably Corey Iams. Oh, Corey Iams. That's the ehm.


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[Assistant] In regards to the book episode, I thought you guys might be interested in the Mariko Aoki


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[Assistant] So exactly what this guy said.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you can't talk all about the same, you know, thing. I feel like I'd walk into a stall if I heard two men, y'all both talking about this and stall next to each other and I'd just go, I can't do this.


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[Assistant] Some people are so comfortable when they go to the, like they just, you know, like you can just, there's no.


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[Assistant] Like just the embarrassment, I, you know, yeaah, I've, I've, a lot of people call you in the bathroom. I won't, I'll do whatever I can to make you not think, I, I, I will never talk if I'm in the bathroom.


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[Assistant] But like, I don't even want to be in my bathroom because sometimes it can be echoey.


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[Assistant] And then like, so even if you're just in your house and you're like, I don't know, you could be brushing your teeth and I'm just walking through my bathroom. I try to like, I'm a crazy person, but it's like, I overthink, you know, cause yeah, I've heard that too. People get on the phone. You're like, you wouldn't be in a public stall on speakerphone.


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[Assistant] Then somebody will barge in. No. Well, this is locked. I can say they just put headphones in, just cause it's like, I wanna just not hear anything.


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[Assistant] I could almost do that when I walk into, I could do it if I go pee in the bathroom. I should probably do that more.


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[Assistant] That'd probably help. Put headphones in? Yea, just have something playing so it's like I'm just in my own world. Cause otherwise you just get, you know, I stand there then...


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[Assistant] And I get surrounded by two guys because they, their whole instinct is to be next to a body. And then so, and then it fans out that way. No matter where you're at, you're like, uh, there's no one in here. Now there's, there's four, there's only four people here, but they're all next to me. And you're like, what happened here? Brian walks up, was that a Vanderbilt hat?


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[Assistant] Probably the partitions. The golf course I go to doesn't have partitions. And it's terrible.


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[Assistant] But, cause it is, like, you wanna go, you're like, hey, just put Legends of Vanderbilt, like, you're like, just put Partitions in the, come on, what are we doing?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but you're like, just, just don't, just do something, just throw us a bone, you know, here. It's like, what are we, we're horses? Old guys.


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[Assistant] Bailey Scott, I am mindblown that Aaron's website is a fake MySpace. With the explanation, I didn't bring the fake MySpace.


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[Assistant] When I first started listening to the podcast of Visit His Site, I was so confused on why of all his, all platforms he had MySpace. Now that we are all in on the joke, that's hilarious and very creative, you definitely fooled me.


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[Assistant] Cause it looks just made, but it is, it is good. I got a top eight. Yeah. Oh wow. That's cool. And what is that?


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[Assistant] Oh, that's good. I mean, he did it all. He's got the comments. Oh yeah. Fake ads.


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[Assistant] Man. Oh, those are, oh, that's funny. Oh yeaah. And you have a fake-eyed Dairy Queen? Oh.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I make fun of it, but I could, you got all the contacting stuff there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, that's a weird thing. That's, you know what? That goes away.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you that. I think it does. It goes, cause it's like, I, you'd always do that. My bio, it might still be like that. Mine was like, uh, you know, I wrote it with like this idea of like,


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[Assistant] Uh, did I perform for the troops? It's like, who cares? You know, no, of course you did probably.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's see what that, yeah, cause that'd be fun to see what that next week.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, wait, are we gone next week? Well, we're going to do next week's after this one. Yeah. So we will do it next week.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, yeah, that'd be good, but this, this is good. This is a great, it is for, I've made fun of it. I'm correcting myself. It's a great way to do what you're talking about doing now. Yeah. Like is that kind of thing. I don't know about that picture, but you need to change that picture. I know I need.


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[Assistant] I just put a picture up of you on stage and no one's taking a picture of you, like the Randall Opry or the- I've got a couple.


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[Assistant] But it's, you know, but I mean you've lost a lot of weight.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm a lot bigger in that picture for sure. Thought I was killing it back then though. I know, but now you're going to show up and they're like, I mean this kid can't even, you're supposed to tip over.


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[Assistant] Like a football player. And they go, alright, uh, everyone.


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[Assistant] Uh, it is good. It's talk about it. You know, you can feel alone out there. You listen to these podcasts, you, you, you know.


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[Assistant] And it's like, you know, I do it too when I do it with, uh, old 90s movies. I watched our, I watched this one movie, Escape Plan.


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[Assistant] Uh, and not bad. And so, you have these things that take your mind away from stuff, which is good, but it's also good to go talk to someone because then you can set out a plan and like, I don't know, just get this stuff off your chest so you're not just, you know, it's not like the old days where it's like,


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, you bottle it up. We all, I still do that. We all still do it. But it's like just, you probably go talk to someone just so you know you're not crazy and that you're going through stuff that everybody's going through. Uh, cause everybody's crazy. It's not you. Everybody else is crazy. Uh, so talk to someone, consider this your permission slip to put your mental health first.


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[Assistant] Match with your dedicated therapist today at Talkspace.com and use promo code Nate during sign up to get $100 off your first month that it's $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] I don't think we're partners. We're probably closer than partners, right?


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[Assistant] Like I was saying, I found something interesting about this. So as I said with the ads, I know like we're doing obviously more than we did before. And like I've said before, I just want to say again, it's like I'm aware of how many we're doing. I'm aware. These are great things that we do and we do them with and it is helping. This stuff does help.


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[Assistant] Build the NateLand world that, uh, I would like to build. So you're, you're very much a help for that. So when you go through these, if you use these, that's a big thing. I'm not trying to, you know, I don't, I want to, I don't mean, I have five though.


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[Assistant] Is, is a lot, but it's, or four or five, but it's, but it's like, this is all going to this world and it's building stuff. So just always remember that I'm aware of them. I'm aware that.


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[Assistant] You know, people get annoyed with ads. I'm not trying to take anything from you. It's like, we're doing this. Uh, and I always appreciate that. And someone that does, so everything you do, I appreciate it. But then I sell something with Tristan.


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[Assistant] About you, when you edited, uh, the ads into the podcast is when your baby was born. Yeah. Someone, I got told that. Yes. Which is pretty crazy. So funny. So your first and last thing when your baby was born.


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[Assistant] Last, before Baby was us, and then you and your baby listened to the podcast. That's right. That's right. The next morning. The next morning. So Tristan's doing hard at work. Around a solo stove. Yeah, around a solo stove. Company man. I mean, hard at work was, I mean, in the thick of it.


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[Assistant] Baby was born, how quick was the baby born to finishing the podcast?


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[Assistant] I don't think I knew she was being born that day.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's great. Uh, was that the day before? Yeah. But were you at the hospital or were you at home? I was at home. Oh, but y'all were getting her, she was in, you knew the time. Yes. Exactly. We had a schedule time.


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[Assistant] So you were just at home. It's not like you were.


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[Assistant] I know, but he's working, and so I called you to work. But I guess you wanted that day off.


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[Assistant] You can follow your advice, I think, later. Maybe, I've always said it's the greatest thing you could ever do. It's having a child. There's nothing like it.


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[Assistant] And there's nothing like it, and there's, it's very special. Oh, just remember that. That's advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I'm just, I'm saying, I just say it's the greatest thing ever. Like, so, that was advice. I don't know, I'll call you if you want, I'll walk you through it.


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[Assistant] But how, then why would we even, why would we bring it up? I don't think Brian knew that.


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[Assistant] It's a, it's definitely a crazy, yea it's a crazy story. I don't say you don't bring the glove.


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[Assistant] Let me go grab it from Aaron's house. If people are listening. I think that would be great. If people could go actually, so maybe we could see it before, uh, a month later. Oh, that's right. Last day of the podcast. Oh.


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[Assistant] I got this rock too, I'm gonna show this, this is, uh, uh, the Nightland Podcast Rocks, uh, uh, uh, young lady, uh, I believe her name is Sabrina, I'm sorry if that is not your name.


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[Assistant] You know, I only do it every night. You only literally flew to do showmanship, to come back and not do showmanship. Isn't this showmanship? This is, yea, yea, yea showmanship. Okay.


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[Assistant] I don't know, just asking. Yeah, maybe care about the pocket. Uh, maybe I'll talk first and go, did you bring the glove? And we'll bring it up. All right. My bad. Uh, so this week we're talking about Missouri. Uh, Greg is from Missouri. Yeah.


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[Assistant] No, it's, it's, but it is funny that I think if y'all, you could, one of your animals could be a headline animal, but you need like a big, like anaconda or something like, uh, I know black bears coming


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[Assistant] Look, I'll be honest with you, what state has a headliner as its state animal? I don't know. I mean, Florida's got.


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[Assistant] A gray whale too. I mean California- A whale is a headline. That's a big headline.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you what a moose is. Moose is a moose. A moose might be number one over all of them just cause you would, you don't really get to see them up close. And then if you saw one up close and you're like, this is crazy how big that thing, like you'd be, you're marveled by how big it is.


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[Assistant] It's, yours would always be there, like it can walk a long way. So Missouri is always represented in the fact that these other animals die off. And you're like, well, who's even left? And you're like, dumb mule's still here. And he won't cause he won't, he won't go away.


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[Assistant] He just loves that. It's like, yeah, you, you carry your stuff. You put your phone in there. I got it. I got it. My calendar is right on that side. Like.


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[Assistant] It's, uh. It's got character, I'll give you that. It's got character, you don't know what's going to happen around it. One could be cool, one could be playing ya.


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[Assistant] I don't think we get a lot of sleep here, we got black eyes under, you know.


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[Assistant] We got a raccoon, the raccoon's not-


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[Assistant] I think you can buy a nice canoe at a big Bass Pro shop. That's a good flag. It looks like New Orleans. Just cause of that. Cause of the flirtily. That's an awesome flag.


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[Assistant] So y'all are a little more, are y'all more French than New Orleans?


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[Assistant] Oh wow. It's when they review it, it's like super obvious. They show a couple more.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, but I understand, uh, this being more frustrating because it's an out versus Bartman's like, it's a foul ball. And like you act like you don't even know if you, you weren't even probably going to catch it. Like, so it's like for them to come unraveled this, I guess you could be, I could see becoming unraveled. And so that's it.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm probably on his side too in the fact that I remember someone, Vayner, Vayner lost his MTSU and that happened to me. And someone like called me and made fun of me. I like his that and you're like, you don't even care that he, like, and so it's like, and I was in, you're like, I'm so upset.


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[Assistant] That it's, I would get mad, like you're just, it's just being mean. Yeah.


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[Assistant] And so, but that's, it is, there's also a point where I wouldn't do that now.


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[Assistant] There's all kinds of things I wouldn't do now. But I mean, age-wise, you just go, I can't be this emotional about athletics. Like, I can get frustrated, I can get whatever. I can have like, I don't know why they're doing this, you know, Titans trade AJ Brown. You're like, why are they doing that? I don't know why they're, blah, blah, whatever. And then I also have to go have a life. I don't like, I can't. Especially when there's no pain.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're like, I want to win. It would be a lot to me to win, but it's like, I can't, I can't be wrapped up in.


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[Assistant] But I think y'all, that almost weirdly might be a bonding thing. It probably is, yeaah. It's a nice like, you know, you're ar- you're-


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[Assistant] It's, it's not bad. Like sometimes arguing, you know, with your, your sports stuff, it's an outlet. And so it's like, I get it. Like, and you and your dad, like have this, I mean, there's not many you can probably argue with about wrestling. Like, I don't, you're not walking in just any sports bar. You kidding me, dude?


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[Assistant] So you were a big time wrestler. A lot of people, I mean, I think, I don't know who, if people don't know this, uh, Greg Warren is, uh, was an all American wrestler at Missouri.


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[Assistant] And so, like, that's so great. And so, uh, when you're wrestling.


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[Assistant] He's just ripping me. So how does it stop? Like what do you do? Do you tap out or something? No, no.


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[Assistant] Could you say I'm out or quit or something? No, no, I mean.


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[Assistant] So the point of like wrestling is like, it's just three, so it's almost pretty ruthless cause it's three minutes and there's no like, they're just trying to score points on it. So every move and every, so it's basically like every move that hurts you is a point.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, it's crazy that he, and he seemingly did that leg thing to you to just be like, yeah, I can do that too, man. Like, you know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, uh, yeah, so I mean, people realize like, and you don't ever talk about it, but you're an All-American. You were, uh,


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[Assistant] You know, Mike Vecchione, who wrestled at Penn State. Mike Vecchione would always say that we'd always talk about you because you talk about wrestling. And then Vecchione would be, we'd be like, because people were like, Oh, Greg Warren used to wrestle. Could y'all wrestle with Vecchione?


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[Assistant] Just the fact that you got in. The fact that you were going to do that isn't real. Uh, you know who else? It's Shane Gillis. Went to, uh- Oh, did he?


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[Assistant] See, I think he made it through first year, but he went.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I should. Yeah. Uh, very funny guy. And then, uh, yeah, that's very interesting though.


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[Assistant] Like you're making it. Yeah. It's like you're, and a lot happens a lot. It's very easy to fall into, but you sit there and you just worry about it when you go, well, I can decide it.


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[Assistant] Like blurred line, but if you're like, well, here it is, and I finished the product.


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[Assistant] Now you have to tell me yes or no. If you say no, then I know, I know why, then I can adjust.


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[Assistant] I'd do it, I'd never assume, I, like, uh, I always think, people talk about regrets and stuff like that, like career regrets, like, uh,


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[Assistant] And it's like, I'll, I think I'm always like, I'm pretty big, like.


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[Assistant] You know, whatever happened happened. There's reason it happened. I wouldn't go back and change anything. It's like I needed to go through all this stuff, but there is some that when I think back, the only thing I would have probably done when I was younger is like, it's like, don't go eat as bad and hang out and drinking. And like some of that stuff is like, I wish I would have.


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[Assistant] I was still working, but it's like, your, I was, it was, it made it hard cause it's like I'm staying out till, which at the beginning, I mean, sometimes you need to do this, but it's, there should have been a point where I should have probably like,


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[Assistant] Calmed it down sooner than I did and I think I could have maybe sped up a little bit just because you would have the energy to speed up.


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[Assistant] This is happening. So let's, you know, focus on, but I don't know. I mean, look, I can't, nothing's sped up. Like I can't, you know, it's, it's.


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[Assistant] You know, I don't know. As I say this, you're like, but then I have a lot of experiences and stories and that stuff that I wouldn't have had if I would have done some other stuff. Not that you need them because of drinking, but just I stayed maybe in New York longer than maybe I would have if I would have, you know, and that was a good thing that I stayed there longer. So I don't, it's tough. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I think twenty-nine, I can never remember, twenty-nineteen, I was at Charlotte Comedy Zone, last comedy club I did, we were about, next thing I was going to do was theaters.


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[Assistant] So it was the last comedy club I did. Really? And then I knew if I didn't.


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[Assistant] I knew I couldn't carry it on. If I, if I wanted to get to the level that I wanted to, I knew I wouldn't, you know, cause you would go hang out at these clubs and.


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[Assistant] You just would feel, you know, Thursday would be fun and the rest of the week you'd feel miserable and you're just trying to get through the show. And too many of those where you're doing the same set, you're doing the, you know, you're not thinking of a new joke because you're like, I'm just trying to get past this.


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[Assistant] And then you're, so I knew if I, when I was going to theaters, I was like, well, if I want to keep going, I have to end the thing that's.


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[Assistant] Makes me be lazy. And then now I'm kind of the point where it's food. So I'm seeing as now being 43, I'm like, all right, well, food's a kind of a problem. Like it's like, I don't know. I mean, I had, I've been doing good. And the last night I got Laura a little chocolate cake for Mother's Day. Didn't even want one. She didn't. I did.


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[Assistant] But I just, I go, you know what, give her a cake. Laura mentioned cake two weeks ago, like she said one day, I think I'd like a piece of cake. So I go buy Mother's Day cake and I'm like, got you this cake. She hasn't eaten it. I ate the most out of it.


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[Assistant] And then I got some regular ice cream. I usually eat Halo Top now, but Evan, I got, well I need regular ice cream. So I mean literally, she got, she was at her mom's all day, and she gets home, and then.


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[Assistant] And so, but I've learned like, so food is like, I can now tell that like, last night I was like in bed and I could feel my thoughts just don't stop. And I'm like, oh, it's like, yeah dude, well I ate a piece of cake and ice cream at 10.


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[Assistant] And I'm trying to go to sleep by 1 or 1.30. You're like, well, it's not going to happen.


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[Assistant] It never ends, but I, and I don't, I don't ever, I don't want to ever not go to McDonald's in my life. I'm a, I love McDonald's. I love chain plate. That's, I grew up eating all that stuff. Like.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm not against all these things, but I've learned that it's, I have to realize it's being aware of your body and like being aware of like, well, I don't feel good. And I didn't understand that because when I was in, you know, when I was eating McDonald's and drinking every night in New York, it's like, you just get used to feeling bad.


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[Assistant] And, uh, Tim, I might've said it on here before, but Tim Young, I don't know if you, but Tim Young, I did a cruise ship with him once and he said, he was like, he's just shredded. I mean, just perfect body.


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[Assistant] All of it. And he was doing it, uh, when we did this cruise, I mean, it's like not even like it's the fad. It's, it's like you, you know, now you go places like calories are listed everywhere and, uh, you know, they have healthy options, kind of every, you know, even McDonald's, you can try to find something, but.


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[Assistant] And he would bring his own food on the cruise and he would eat his phone. And I was like, well, why do you think people don't eat good? And he said, he goes, well, I think people don't know how good it feels and they would be addicted to that feeling if they knew. And then that always stuck with me and still plowed through eating bad. But.


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[Assistant] And I still have trouble with it, but I remember that always stuck with me just cause I was like, cause you know, you have days when you eat good and you're like, yeah, if you thought of that, like you thought of alcohol, you would be the healthiest person cause you would be addicted to like the feeling you would get from alcohol and stuff would be, I mean, you're, you're just in a good mood every day.


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[Assistant] You're, you have, you wake up, you have energy when you need coffee. Like you just are like, oh yeah, I feel awesome. Today is aw- and you're like happy. And it's like, yeah, cause you're, you're just eating now, maybe not going to the extremes of that.


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[Assistant] But it's like if you can eat good and then go eat one bad meal just so you know the next day you're like...


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[Assistant] That, yeaah, I don't feel good. And you know that you don't feel good. Otherwise, when you're doing it every day, you don't, every day is miserable. So, you know, immeasurable in the...


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[Assistant] The older you get, you start, that's what now in my 40s, you're like, yeah, it's, I feel it way more than I ever did.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. I can imagine. Uh, I doubt I won't ever get there, but I'm skipping going to six.


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[Assistant] I can already, you already look at your fifties as, it's funny when you look at these ages. I remember 40 and then 43 and I've now, 43 used to be so old and now I look at 43 and I go, dude, I'm like the youngest person that's ever done comedy. And you're, you know, and then, uh, cause you're looking at 45 and you're like, well, that's going to be old.


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[Assistant] And then 46 doesn't feel that old for some reason. 46, 47 I think is kinda like...


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[Assistant] It, but it's, but with that mindset, like it is, I under, I understand that. I mean, I think about that too, where I think.


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[Assistant] You know, am I too old? Like I talk about my act, about being my, I talk about my age that I am. And you're, you know, you see other, like sometimes people don't say what their age is.


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[Assistant] Sometimes you're thinking, well, should I not be saying like, you know, I feel like I shouldn't be reminding people that I'm, you know, I'm 40. Anything this stuff, but you're an unreal comedian, amazing comic, so funny. Like one of the top comics, everybody is giant, giant fans of you. And, uh, it's.


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[Assistant] The, the, it's not even, I want to say money with wealth, but the wealth of fans and the wealth of people following you is like, that's all, if you're on the ground doing that stuff, I mean, that's how you can become Walmart. Like you can become these, you're something that doesn't go away. And so you create an act.


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[Assistant] And it's someone that can, they can hang their hat on. They know I'm going to have a good time. I know what I, I know what it is. I can't wait to see it. And it's a good person. It's a good like, I think.


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[Assistant] But Aaron's very funny and then, uh, but Aaron will get, will, will be you. Like it's like Aaron's very, very funny. You were very funny. Like it's like the guys that are good are good comics. You can see that they're good comics and you can see that they're.


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[Assistant] True comics in the sense of like they're doing it the way as an older person, you know, as you get older, you're like, you can look at them going, you're doing it the right way. You're doing it, you know, Aaron's doing it the right way.


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[Assistant] So that's what you can see and that's a good, I think that's a, that's a great thing versus when people are, you know, when you see the young kind of.


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[Assistant] You know, there's a new wave of it where sometimes these people you don't know and some of them have specials and some of them and you're like, they don't have the experience. And I just look at it and the hardest part I always thought of when you came up is to you want another one. Kurt Metzger said this and I liked it. Everything you want, it comes, uh,


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[Assistant] It comes slower than you want, but quicker than you think. And it's like that idea that you, you know, you think, well, I want it now. And then it's like, well, it's going to take a long time. And it's not, but when you get it and then when you get to that point and you're like, you know, I earn like, you're like, you feel more ownership over it. And the fact that like, dude, I had to go up every night.


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[Assistant] You're just not gonna go bomb. Cause it's like, you're just too good of a co- like you're too protected.


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[Assistant] Don't go looking for it. When it comes, it comes. Just be, make sure, you gotta make sure you're ready for it. And so like that's the, where the work comes in and people don't want to do the work and they want to find a trick around it. Well, you just gotta have the work come in and when that thing happens, if you're, here's a big saying, if you're, if you're a good comedian, if you're a very funny comedian, you're not going to not work.


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[Assistant] Like, it truly, talent does matter. And like, people, and whether someone gets a pop and they get a rise and they could even make a few million dollars or something. But then it will catch up to go that, that was a phase. I mean, you could look at like, Dane Cook, I think Dane Cook is very funny. I think his specials were great. I'm a big Dane Cook fan.


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[Assistant] But it's like Dane Cook had the rise of like where he had these, he's a lot of college kids, a lot of all these people are going to see him as the giant thing. And then where Dane Cook's at now and he's not in a bad place in his career, but it's not to the height that it was. And cause it's like some stuff can have that. So you're like, well, I look at it as like, well, how can you.


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[Assistant] Create this audience that's going to stay and they're going to build with you.


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[Assistant] And I think they got to grow and that's where an audience that I feel like kind of grows with you and they, you know, you just talk about you and your world and then they're, they relate to it.


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[Assistant] You know, if it's a fad that you're talking about, it's like, well, that fad could go away. I mean, look at clothes. Like you can't talk about one thing and then like clothes come back. I mean, these bell bottoms. I do it from stage. Right from the stage. What clothes you got on?


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[Assistant] Uh, I was going, I meant to tell you this, so I saw, uh, uh, you, but you're, you're wrestling. I was, I do like to, I love, uh, I mean, you were an All-American, you're, and I believe your name and stuff is all on the wall at Missouri. Uh. That pic of him? No, I don't. Oh, well.


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[Assistant] But you're, so you know who I saw, uh, when we went on vacation, I saw Michael Chandler.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, I know. Uh, and so I, I told, uh, I saw him and I raised, Michael Chandler actually UFC this weekend won this. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy knockout. He's the guy. I'm sure you've seen the figures where he kicked Tony Ferguson, kicked the guy. If I'm sure people have seen pictures, even if you don't watch UFC, he kicked him straight with his foot.


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[Assistant] And uh, but it's, so I saw him, he was at the pool and I saw him and I'm a, I'm a big UFC fan. Are you? Okay.


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[Assistant] And then I think it's the, I think they're just doing it the best right now, almost of all sports. They're just, they, they sell, they sell shows very well. Like the, the fights are great. The drama that's around it. Like it's, I'm a, I'm a giant fan.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so, uh, I saw him and I was like, hey, Michael Chandler, right? And I talked to him, whatever, and, uh.


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[Assistant] It was very cool, but then we talked about uh, Missouri and I talked about you. Cause I told him I was a comic and I go, Oh, I'm friends with Greg Warren. And he goes, Oh, Greg. Cause you ran with his brother, I guess.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what he said. Yeah. And I was like, and at the end I said, Greg's like the real deal, right? He goes, Oh yeah, dude. He's like, his is like names on the wall. It's like his face is on the wall. He's like an All-American. They go, he's like the real, real deal. And so it was like, cool too.


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[Assistant] Uh, or maybe, I don't know if he trains here, maybe he lives here or something, but he trains, or maybe he's in Florida where he trains for a fight. I think when he's not fighting, he might be here.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're, it's good hearted. I mean, him and his wife, I think they adopted to, uh, I mean, we met his son.


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[Assistant] Uh, which you saw him this weekend, if he was on, if you watched the fight and they just adopted another baby. And, uh, you know, which is, um, you know, adoptions, like it's, uh, my mom and I said, it's the most selfless thing you could be. And so it's, uh, yeah, they're, it's, they're good people. I love like being in the pool too with them, just in the fact that that's how it feels.


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[Assistant] Get around them. Cause we got to the point where you take your shirt off and I was like, God. And then, uh, no, but like in the pool, like we're sitting there and you're just like, you could beat up.


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[Assistant] Much less this hotel like you walk around with just no fear.


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[Assistant] I saw him once, uh, at, uh, I didn't know, I don't know any of these guys, but, uh, I saw him once at the, at Disney World and I tried to write a joke about it. Like, I was like, you're looking at this guy that could beat up. You just think there's not a man in this park.


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[Assistant] There's just not. Right. Like that on that level, I mean, I think he was a champion, UFC champion.


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[Assistant] And so on that level, you're like, there's not a, you're the, it's crazy to go like, I'm a hundred percent know that you're the toughest guy that in this park, just no matter what. Even the guy that thinks he can fight good, he's not, it's not this. Not with Tyrone Woodley. Yeah. And so you're looking at him and then I loved, it was the idea of like,


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[Assistant] Being a dad, like I'm, I've, I've, I got this just little glimpse. I've no, no, I don't know him. But if he's a, yeah, I'd imagine he's a good guy. Sweet guy, man. Yeah.


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[Assistant] You could see him be like a great dad. And the reason you could see it was like that is five year old daughter. I mean, just talk to him.


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[Assistant] Like he was a chump. And it's like, it's my, it's the thing that I love about children too is like, you know, she's just like tired, like it's a five year old kid, but it's just so funny that, or, you know, she's just getting a little like sleepy and they all kind of go nap, nap. She's doing that kind of stuff. And you want to be, you're just looking there like your dad would beat up the whole park.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I love that, just, it's the idea of, uh, just children, the way they talk back to adults that could beat them up. And it's, but the only way for them to do that, I believe, is, I mean, there has to be love there.


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[Assistant] She'd be scared of it. But the fact that, you know, that's gigantic and I love, I just, that little moment, I didn't even, I told him, I walked by and said, big fan, like that was it. But I just, I remember seeing it and it was just like, yeah.


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[Assistant] He's a 5 year old girl, she's like, she's not being a bad kid, she's just tired. Like it's a stone fit. And she's just like, I don't want to do it. And he's like, come on. Like trying to get her to do something.


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[Assistant] Yeah, might be a bit. I need time. I need more time, so.


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[Assistant] Alright, we need to be, I mean, we're, we have to come back and do Missouri with you. This is probably a lot of Missouri stuff that we didn't do.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, so Greg Warren, check out his website, uh, all your tour dates. Greg's an amazing, amazing comic. I remember hearing him, uh, when I was first starting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bob, I'm Bob and Tom, you're on Bob and Tom a lot, you do a lot of stuff with them. Bob and Tom was a big radio show for me when I was going to start, I listened to them during my, I read water meters, so you just have Bob and Tom on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I would listen to all the comics and I was like, I want to be a comic. So it was like such an insight to go do it. And then one of the things that I always remember that you did, I don't know if you remember it, I featured for you, I opened for you at, uh, Lexington, uh, the comedy club. Oh yeah, man. And you bought my, uh, you bought my lunch and you, you were, and it was like, you're like, this is what headline, you know, it's like you take.


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[Assistant] Uh, so Greg, uh, check out where he's touring, everything, uh, your website, y'all. Did you have anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This coming up, this coming weekend or? This comes out this week. Uh, not working much.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's perfect. Oh, that's even like a relief.


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[Assistant] No. Yeaah. They wouldn't even care that I'm a comic there. Yeaah. No, that's great. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm at, uh, I'm in Vegas this weekend, Spokane, Vancouver.


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[Assistant] Uh, this is like the last, this month, I mean I have a bunch of summer dates and stuff like that and then the fall will start up. Uh, this is the last big run though, uh, of this.


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[Assistant] of this. So I go, I'm gone, I'm gone. And yeah, Spokane, I mean, a lot of, a lot of places. It's all on my website, Vegas this weekend.


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[Assistant] Uh, Fresno, Santa Barbara. Nice. It was from Canada, going to Vancouver. Wow. And then, uh, so, uh, come out and check that out.


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[Assistant] That's great. Yeah. Go, go to Austin. Cap City is a big club. It's a big deal to get to headline that. That's a really big deal.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a very big deal for us as comics. And when you get a headline cap city, it's a, uh, it's an honor. And so it's like, uh, yeah.


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[Assistant] That is a button. Alright everybody, we love you. Thank you for listening. As always, uh, we appreciate it. None of that's lost on us. Can't thank you enough. Thank you very much. See you next week.


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[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


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[Assistant] Mizzen and Maine, dress up with ease. These shirts will make your other shirts feel like burlap sacks. They combine the comfort and flexibility of your favorite athletic wear with the fit and style of a custom dress shirt. Go to mizzenandmaine.com.


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[Assistant] And use promo code Nate. You'll receive $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more. That's $35 off at M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D.


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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I drive a lot, like every weekend I drive a ton, so I have a few podcasts that I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a real hack, so I use voices and I use the mic stand a lot as a prop for a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you use the stool? I don't use the stool much. No, I don't use the stool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take my wallet, spent the first five minutes getting everything out of my pockets. Put it on that stool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Chekhov's Gun is like a, it's a theory in filmmaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a dramatic principle that suggests that details within a story or play will contribute to the overall narrative. So overall narrative. So if there's a...


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[Assistant] There's an empty stool there. I'm going to be sitting there thinking he's going to use that for something. Yeah. And it'll disappoint me when you don't.


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[Assistant] So PSA to all the men out there, your dress shirts stink. Your wife's embarrassed by them. Your kids make fun of them. You don't have good shirts. You need to check out Mizzen in Maine. I got one right here. I want you guys to feel this. Just feel it.


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[Assistant] It feels like a golf shirt, but it's got the, it's got the flexibility of your favorite athletic wear. You could golf in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is a custom dress shirt. It's lightweight, breathable, moisture wicking. If you got a sweating problem, it'll have you looking great. Best part, you can just throw that right in the washing machine. You don't need to take it to a dry cleaner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it doesn't wrinkle. You just throw it, throw it right in the wash with all your normal clothes. Don't be weird about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everybody knows about the dress shirts, I feel like, but you should also check out all the other stuff they have on there. They got no tuck shirts. I said, I haven't tucked in my shirts since middle school.


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[Assistant] So I'm a big fan of that. They got polos, chinos, all kinds of fabric with modern tailoring with mizzen and main. It's never felt better to look your best. 30,000 five-star reviews. That's a minor league ballpark full of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I've never felt a dress shirt like that before. So whether you're working on the golf course or taking conference calls, we've got good news. Right now, if you go to mizzeninmaine.com, use promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] You'll receive $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more. That's $35 off when you go to MIMIZZEN.


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[Assistant] A-N-D-M-A-I-N dot com and use our promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] Speaking of traveling and packing on the road, we're happy to be brought to you by AWAY.


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[Assistant] Away is a modern lifestyle brand that creates thoughtful products for every traveler and every kind of trip. They started with the perfect suitcase.


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[Assistant] Made with features that make travel way easier. Now you can count on them for a range of suitcases, bags, accessories, whatever you take on that trip. It's a fun part of traveling is figuring out the system, right? You've talked about developing a system where you got, you can pack and you know, take everything out, put everything in for traveling so often. This is the way to do it.


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[Assistant] It's one of the most important things in our life, I think, is a good, is a good suitcase. A good suitcase. Something that'll hold up, you can throw around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[Assistant] To keep everything safe, you know? So somebody can't sneak in and...


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[Assistant] Start your 100 day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best selling suitcases, at AwayTravel.com slash Nate. That's AwayTravel.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] Since 1995, and I just found out we're seventh cousins.


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[Assistant] Never met this guy from Kansas. So you're like, listen, I've not made a lot of money.


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[Assistant] Here's what the velociraptor probably looked like. Right there.


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[Assistant] There you go. Here's the trust. It's got a little low.


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[Assistant] I think all of a sudden is relative, the relative term. I think it was a few million years.


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[Assistant] So the idea is there's a huge, huge impact, right? And then a lot of smoke and dirt and dust and everything goes up.


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[Assistant] No, that goes up in our atmosphere, blocks the sun, so plants can't grow, and there's a nuclear winter.


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[Assistant] But it's like too much. But it just blocks everything out.


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[Assistant] They went on the land, they're like, nah, I don't like this. And they went back to the.


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[Assistant] I think a wooden shovel is discovered, it's been dated back to approximately 1750 BC.


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[Assistant] It's actually a good point. They had imaginations back then.


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[Assistant] I mean, you learn how to, how to, uh, how to tell if something's, uh, nonsense or not. You know?


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[Assistant] Cause it was in the water. Yeah. 10 feet down. It was, it was the one that had the foresight to stay in the water.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I understand if you, if you see one of these in the wild, you think that's Bigfoot. You know, it looks exactly like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we think of Bigfoot being. Yeah. Why is that? That would be Bigfoot. Yeah. We would just call that Bigfoot.


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[Assistant] No, I don't, I don't know where the game came from, but he was trying to find a new, a new route to trade spices. The Silk Road. Yeah. This is, this is what he did.


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[Assistant] So here's where they think the Marco Polo game came from is one origin story. This is kind of the legend of it.