[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How quick I saw it, it was just boom, popped up. But that's why, like, it was like, uh, you know, I didn't know, you don't, I don't know, do they want me to notice it? Do they want, are they, you know, is it like, I'm not trying to know what this is about, like, but I imagine, probably can't go to too many comedy shows and sit up in front of the gas mask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I mean, we're getting to Fargo. I gotta say, I don't know what the schedule is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, I'll do that. But I'll definitely be like, I want to see something. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fargo. You know. I'll see what it's about. Yeaah. Let us know. Yeaah. Nah, I'll keep it posted. I wonder what the weather's gonna be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I bet. You think so? Yeah. Right now in October. I wouldn't think so. Fargo, North Dakota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think it gets like that, but, you know, that's, I mean, highs of 70, I mean, that's gotta be beautiful up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all right, go check everybody out. Uh, yeah, as always, we love you. Hey bear. And see you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, you know, I always had a hard time explaining the job. It was a good job. It was like a, you know, paid a lot and it was a competitive job to get, but my dad was like, well, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not about like whether they carry it or not, it's about how much they sell to their consumer and there's all kinds of things, dials and switches I can move to help them sell more and he'd still be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're not in sales. Like the display and such. Display is a big display. Shelf placement. Shelf placement is another. Shelf placement is another. You would be eye level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody did something to make somebody angry. Yea, interesting. Yea, now, uh, Pringles, that was a whole, we were, you know. You sold Pringles? Yea, yea, I sold Pringles. So you got out of Peanut Butter. No, no, we, I was saying, they were the same company. Same company. I sold Pringles, Jif, Duncan Hines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which they probably had it slated at a nine. When they probably thought it was coming in at a nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had red can original is 80% of the business. Okay. And then you had, uh, uhm, what we called right crisp. Couldn't call it light. We did call it light. And then they said we couldn't cause it wasn't, it wasn't low fat enough back then. So we had to call it right crisp. It was in a silver can. That was usually the number two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it was, it was healthier. It was, it was healthier. Just not enough. Not enough. Not enough. I still think it was a smart choice. I mean, you know, uh, and then the green canned sour cream and onion, that's, that's a solid, solid flavor. And then cheese.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cheezums was probably a number of four, and I'll tell ya, and I lose sleep over it even today, we never got the barbecue product right. We never got our fair share of the barbecue business. And that's a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our friends at Mizzen and Maine are celebrating their 10th birthday, so they've got great deals running on their site all summer long. They combine the comfort and flexibility of your favorite athletic wear with the fit and style of a custom dress shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now, if you go to MizzenandMain.com and use promo code Nate, you'll receive $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more. That's $35 off when you go to M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N.com and use our promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I gotta keep the shark tooth though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's almost like uhm, like the lining to a bathing suit, that kind of matting, that's on the inside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You rolling 17 deep these days, man. You're like Allen Iverson, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We haven't seen each other in a few weeks. You're noticeably thinner by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, uh, Florida this weekend. So I went out to, I was near the beach. I went to the beach to film like a video, trying to get people to come out to the show. And I just got this drone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was pumped about getting a drone shot on the beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like coming in from the water and then swooping up on me, so I walked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to get some privacy, I walked like a mile down the beach just where I could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little less embarrassing, taking out a tripod and doing all this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I sit down in the sand and I set the drone up. It takes a while to set everything up and I sit it in front of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I launch it and it goes up in the air and the wind just catches it and it just blows back into me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was not, yeah, it did not feel good. And then there's these families in the showers. The wind on the beach is a nightmare. It's crazy. Yes. And I didn't even factor that in. I thought, well, this, this thing will go, you know, and it just pop right in the face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know the showers next to the beach where you rinse off the sand. I gotta go rinse all this blood off. So there's just families like, what is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. I didn't get more than a meter off the ground. Well, that's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he looks, I mean, in fairness to you, Brian, he looks considerably older than you. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These shows are becoming like little Nate Land conventions for people. It's fun because you see them meeting each other too. Which is fun to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What can the margins be if it's sold for 5 cents? It must be fractions of a penny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I could eat a bag of M&M's without even seeing what color they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's on bread. Sandwich bread. Yeaah. But it's essentially, it looks like a Pop-Tart. It looks like a Pop-Tart. It's like cake. A cake, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to have to get a little more creative. We're going to have to buy some of these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It was an excuse to build the apparatus to do that. We're not actually trying to answer the question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you understand? We go, well, obviously we don't think that we're going to have these machines licking tootsie roll pops all day. It's like, yeah, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, well lost in all of this is that nobody eats a tootsie roll pop that way. What psychopath just licks, do you know what I mean? Yeah, but put it in your mouth and you move it around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Powerful person in comedy. Right? Is it Mark Grossman? Doesn't he own the helium?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like noodling with a bear. They've got this bear taxidermy displayed somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy was born in 1914, so it's fairly recent that this happened. C.D.L. Peterson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the 20th century. I thought this was, uh, Revolutionary War times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is the reasoning for putting a cap on how tall a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The C stands for conference. ATM machine. You know, that's one too. The M and ATM is machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We love missing and main dress shirts. Look at this. I got one right here. It's a great dress shirt. Let me tell you, um, you know, we're traveling, we're on the road. We've got to put stuff in suitcases. It is so nice to have a shirt. You just throw in doesn't wrinkle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can just take it right out of the suitcase, put it on, you're stage ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what? It looks like a shirt. Some shirts just look, you're like, I'm going to take it to the dry cleaner. Not missing in Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can throw that right in the washing machine. Think of all the time and money you will save. They've gotten famous for these dress shirts and for good reason, but they got a bunch of other stuff too. Flannels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No tuck shirts, performance polos, chinos, so much more, all in this high performance fabric with modern tailoring. And they got 30,000 five star reviews. So it's not just me talking. I'm not just blowing smoke. They make a great product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Missing in Maine, who are celebrating their 10 year anniversary, they've got all kinds of great deals running on their site all summer long. Go to missinginmaine.com and use promo code Nate. You'll get $35 off any regular price order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of $125 or more. That's $35 off when you go to M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N dot com and use our promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in middle school, there was like an epidemic of Axe body spray. That's when that was coming out and it's the first time that you were like changing for PE and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, every time I spell axe or tag or any of that stuff, I think of my middle school locker room, which is not where you want to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, do we claim credit for time zones between Hawaii and LA? Do we own the Pacific Ocean between Hawaii and California?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is right. You know what's upset? The moon makes the time. You know what's upset is that flag is just white by now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That's crazy. I never knew- I was in Phoenix last weekend and it con- I did not know that and I was confused the whole weekend. I didn't know what was going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good that you have that instead of, you know, at least she has the decency to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] China's about 2.2% larger than the United States.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the North Pole, all 24 time zones collide at a single point, rendering them meaningless. It is simultaneously all of Earth's time zones and none of them. Time has no meaning at the North Pole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eric Larson and Ryan Waters made an expedition to the North pole trudging through snow, ice and water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're the last humans to ever walk to the North Pole. It's been done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought I was on an incognito window and these would all go away anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you say you go to a website that you've been to before and like information's already typed in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you going to facebook and you're already logged in that's all from a cookie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah. You can clear your browsing history, clear all cookies, clear your cash. Just start over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a blank slate. Oh. Like a kill switch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a kill switch, exactly. Yeah, but just go every now and then just wipe it clean. You know, a lot of people never restart their computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And their computer will just be on for years and they're like, it's running a little sluggish. It's like, yeah, maybe let it sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but there's, there's all this temporary stuff, all these temporary files on your computer. And when you restart it, it'll...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well see, we're talking about two different things. This is why I said Barry Sanders is that he's evasive. Yes. And he could juke and run around and do a sudden move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All those in favor please signify by saying aye. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the branch of zoology concerned with the study of insects. Never heard of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure the city loved him if he did. I don't mind daylight saving times that much. It's kind of a fun thing when I hear it's, oh, I forget about it, you know, and then it's just a fun little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You saying when it gets darker sooner, people have more heart attacks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I know what a second comes from. I don't know why, why we've divided it down that way though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's fair. I mean, I have no complaints about the current system. I'm just saying now there's less than a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twice a day or 666. I wouldn't care for it either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's tough to coordinate that man, but this could happen again, December 31st, 2022 this year. There's another possible day where we'll do a leap second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they could have done one this June, but they decided not to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's also the only day of the year where people are particularly interested in what time it is. It's like, it's almost the worst day to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No other day do they do a countdown to midnight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was not really my, my field, but I understand it's pretty important. Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can never make a fashion risk around comedians. No, no. You never can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the first time I wore jeans to Zany's. Blew my mind. I remember, I remember Brad Satievar praying, uh oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I used to wear, I wore khaki pants for like 10 years. I never wore jeans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lost enough weight to where I could buy them at a regular store and I haven't worn khakis since.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, if they were set, if they're placed at the exact same time. Yeah, over time. Set at midnight. They're gonna be different, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Tommy Lee Jones and Wesley Snipes. Is that? Yeah. That's a good movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roberts flees to New York City after escaping a near death encounter with law enforcement in which Gerarda and his team courted him in a swamp land in Kentucky. What swamp land?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, I agree with what you're saying. I think it's like a caricature of the South in a lot of ways. Took me out of the movie. Yeah, there's people playing banjos and stuff there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a spinoff from the fugitive. Oh, it is? That's interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You made it sound like his dad died when his dad was 10. Oh, I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kind of sweet in a way, carrying on the family business, honoring the legacy of his father.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was great, but if you get one choice, that would be such a disappointment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then going right back, I don't think you're camping out for a while, but that would definitely change my answer. If I had to live there. Could you guarantee that you could get back? In this theory, you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go back in time two years and buy bitcoin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. I'd sell it when I had no, when it peaked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we go back to the nineties, buy stocks and all these companies that are now huge that weren't back then Amazon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you get back, now your bank account is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is the best case scenario for that person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By day 30, you'd have 5 million. Yeah. So you'd be well off, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All my days, AaronWeberComedy.com is my MySpace page. I'm all over. I'm headlining clubs the rest of the year, which is very exciting. This weekend I'm in Seattle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You always, yeaah, you always allow cookies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right. I like it. Yeah. What about for yourself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think they, uhm, were like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you had a hot TED talk. I mean, I forgot what I was even talking about halfway through, but, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that you've read the comment, he's like, oh, this is really working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom's name is Edna, right? And her mom always called her Edna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, you named her. You can't get her name wrong. You can't name her and then not do it. I think we say her last name wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I've always said Bargatze, so I'm- Bargatze. So am I doing it the right way, you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a guy, Arthur Ravenel in Charleston, and they had, the bridge was called the Ravenel Bridge, and nobody knew how to pronounce it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they brought him on the radio one time to clear it all up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they were like, he said Rav now. And they were like, are you sure? And then by the end, it's like, nobody was clear on how to pronounce. They were like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, no, it's ravenel. And they're like, ravenel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, did he not trust the security guard to just take the real- He's like, yeah, I don't trust you to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's like when I was trying to send out stuff, they would say you need this EPK, the electronic press kit. And it would be this, this and this. And I'm like, well, what if I just put all that on a website and then sent them my website? They would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People would be like, no, they don't want that. They want to see an EPK and I'm like, yeah, but this is easier. Why would they not just want to click this link?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if it was a highly successful day with the drumbeats? People are like, you know what, I'm kinda feeling it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when you come up and you go, if anybody wants to, you know, give their life to Jesus, come forward now and we'll pray with you. Or if you got some, you got some needs or if you, you know, you just want to pray up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, the comedian didn't show up. Can anybody, is there anybody out here that could do a little comedy? And then I would go, that's me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, uh, you know, I had a joke about it at one point long ago, but, uh, you know, like a Christmas joke, a dusty sleigh kind of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I would do the joke. I would go, I would go, you know, I'd say, uh, you know, um, I'd say, I don't, I forget the joke, but I would go like, uh, I would say, I'm Dusty Slay, right? And then I would say, I'd get everybody to say my last name. I go, Dusty Slay, Dusty Slay, right? It's really early on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the time I did it, the first time I did it, it was at this, the music farm and it was like a contest and they pushed it on the radio. I don't know if you know the comic Kenny Z. He was, he lived in Charleston doing the radio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So he did, you know, it's probably 300 people there. So the first time I did it, like dusty sleight, like a lot of people said it, it was a lot of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's no, I mean, it's unidentified flying object, right? That's pretty, uh, I don't know, ambiguous? Is that the word? It's like, you don't need to change that. It's like, we don't know what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like why even have this hearing? It seems like there's not even anything to talk about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that? Yeah. If, if, if an alien popped up, like if, if a ship came, not like just to you, but like in Independence Day where the aliens are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about that guy that threw out the pitch in Chattanooga? Is that guy? The opener?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, is it, uh, Independence Day aliens or like Mars attack aliens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the movie Mars Attacks, I feel safe, in the movie Mars Attacks, those aliens come down and start to kill people, and they kill the aliens with old school country music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially if they show up, like, you know, like, with no clothes, like a lot of these aliens, you're gonna need a guy that's got his shirt off, you know, just to really, just to cut off jeans shorts. Oh, interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They always think that they're the most advanced. What if we've evolved to wear clothes? Yeaah. Like we've a stat, we go, you know, actually we should start covering up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just appropriate. Yeah, like they always act like the aliens are more advanced than us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that was a movie like, was that Contact? Contact. Yeah. Yeah. That's a boring movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to not come in peace, you know what I mean? Like, let's put it out there that we know you're out there and we're not messing around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why they don't contact us anymore. They were like, last time we got in touch with them. What was the message they heard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think that they think that those, that those aliens are like, you know, like fallen angels, right? Like that's what, like, because the angel, you know, they say a third of the angels left heaven with Satan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are the fallen angels. So they let, lost their, you know, their beauty and now that's why they're these blank void characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that is even the theory if you don't believe in outer space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what they were. Well the Nephilim they say are like when angels and humans mate and then the babies are the Nephilim. And then they become giants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, we just mess up anthills just so our grass can be short. Right. Yeah. You know, they don't even need to really build anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever see an ant trail like that and then just run your finger right across it? And then it just, they're like, whoa, what happened? You just run your finger across and they're like, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, not only is there aliens, but there's 15,000 societies of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did name the galaxy after the candy bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what, what's your, uh, favorite alien movie? Like, do you have a fa- I dunno, maybe you guys already talked about this on part one. I don't know. I don't know if we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, like, uh, the day the earth stood still with Keanu Reeves? I think it was a read. Oh, I think you're thinking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He crushes it. He's the greatest movie star maybe of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. I mean, it really is, no matter what movie, it's like, he crushes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I book, I book an aisle seat on a plane just so I can pay. Just so I don't have to get people up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something happens to my body when I'm like, it's inconvenient to pee, and that's when I gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, if they're like, alright, this is your last chance to pee, I'm like, well, I better go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was watching a doc- I was watching people talk about it and it scared me so much I had to turn it off. Oh really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said they bought this ranch and they noticed like these big chains or whatever on it. Like, like, I guess they bought it without going there and they had like big shutters and they just didn't think anything about it. They got a good deal. And they said one night they saw this giant wolf coming across the range and then these like thin looking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alien people can't- I don't know. I was like, this is freaking me out. I'm trying to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just, I think I saw it on YouTube, just about Skywalker Ranch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they don't have, I don't think they have any visuals really. They're just telling the story. Yeah. And just hearing it though, like, like they had the shutters closed and like things were coming at night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it was like, I don't know, I've been traumatized by Unsolved Mysteries as a kid, and so that stuff just, I don't like to sleep with the blinds open, I don't like a door to be open to my bedroom, I don't, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I'm a, you know, I said it already, but about being afraid of the dark, it's like people say, oh, you're afraid of the dark. I'm like, yeah, the dark scary. You know what I mean? Yeah. Don't put me in the dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Native American stuff where they talk about a race of redheaded giants that used to live in the country. They talk about finding the bones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be at Zany's June 28th. It's gonna be a hot show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the streets of New York. It's like middle C on a piano.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's interesting. 10s are pretty good too. But I guess 60 works well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Download the PricePix app or go to PricePix.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code Nate. If you deposit $100, price picks will give you $100. If you deposit 50, price picks will give you 50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget to enter promo code Nate and sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does, uh, Let's Go Folks stand now? I dunno, it's been gone, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had somebody yell, let's go folks this weekend. I replied, hey bear. And it was clear they haven't listened to me the last 10 episodes or so because they just stared at me like, what? Yeah. So there's, you can tell the people who aren't quite up to date when, uh, when they have no idea what hey bear means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like you about most songs though. I was just thinking about Hotel California. I have no idea what that song means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I know all the lyrics but I've never really thought about what it means.


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[Assistant] Or sitcoms. And nunners. Why is like Business School your favorite episode of The Office? Cause it, yea, cause it had heart to it. Sweet. Sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were watching, uh, Everybody Loves Raymond and noticed how much purple, like, was in on the set. And I was like, it must have been his favorite color. And it was just everywhere. And I googled, like, Everybody Loves Raymond, purple, couldn't find anything, just kept.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just thought all the handles have been taken now, so you have to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Football season is here and NFL season starts this weekend. I'm excited about NFL football and price picks dot com is the one app you can go to pick two to four, two to five players and they will


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if they will score more or less than the prize picks projection, you can win up to 10 times your money on any entry. Pardon me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's easy because you're not competing against other people, it's just you versus the projections available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, take Dairy Canary for example. You think he's going to score a touchdown this Sunday? Uh, yeaah. 2 or 3. Yeaah. Alright, well, if you go on prizepicks.com, I think it's at .5, I looked. So that means, if you bet he'll score more than that, you win. If he doesn't score a touchdown, you lose. It's that simple. Go in there and play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have projections on sports, NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball, hockey, golf, college sports, all of it, boxing, pretty much any sport there is. You can go in there and you can make a pick. Entries can be made in a minute or less.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's currently operational in over 30 states and Canada. Download the PricePix apps or go to pricepix.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time users can receive 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you deposit $100, Prospects will give you $100.


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[Assistant] If you deposit 50, PropsPix will give you 50. They're giving you free money, so go do it. Don't forget to enter promo code Nate at Sina for an instant deposit match of up to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. I was thinking about that story and I was like, you'll suggest that. And you're right. She doesn't want anything new. She, she showed her how to forward an email yesterday. So that's pretty exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Touch it with your hands. Right. The keeper, you talking about the goalie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta work on getting college game day to come back to Nashville and have you be the guest picker. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does the uh, SEC network, do they have a guest picker?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess I was thinking about, like, if you call in and just trash a player, unless that player is listening on the radio that moment, he can't, or in the studio, he ain't gonna react. But if you tweet about him, he can go home that night and then reply whenever, you know.


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[Assistant] We were listening one time when two sports guys on 104.5 got in an argument with each other.


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[Assistant] Well, so some guy who was part owner of the Raiders started it in 1962. They were on a cross-country trip and they're like, you know, it'd be fun if we just picked our own players. And they started a league in Oakland in the 60s and then the 80s some guys started one on the East Coast. It just gradually, it took off, it blew up in the 90s once the internet started. But it's been around in some fashion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a long time. So no, we're not one of the, we're the oldest one of anyone I know that there's a uh, a Nate Lion fantasy football league now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bob Ripple pants? According to this. Not Bob Ripple pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was created on the, uh, Facebook fan page. So yeah, we're do. Yeah. All right. That's fun. And, uh, Nate land man made the 50 man, 53 man roster. All right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently there's a UFC fighter people have told me about, it's called Nate Land, what was his last name, it's Nate Land something, I can't remember, but it's very similar, and he's from Clarkshire. Landware? No, Nate Landware.


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[Assistant] They make the odds so incredible, you're like, ah, that's worth it. And it is if it pays off, but they know, they know you're not gonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uhm, I was gonna jump ahead here. Somebody, uh, bet last year on FanDuel, AFC and NFC Championship game, they guessed the score exactly right on both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in these, in these types, you just, I think these, you just sit back and you're really just waiting until the championship to even know, you know, if you're win or lose where some of these like baseball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like we get together once a year and it's like a catch up also. So it's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, those guys see each other every day. Cause it's guys I used to work with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, she's not in her fantasy league, but Laurie Hinkle did used to work there and she grew up with a Dusty.


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[Assistant] She's the first person to tell me about Dusty, and to her credit, she's the only one that's ever told me anyone I care about. Because everyone else is like, hey I know a guy who does comedy, you know what I'm talking about.


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[Assistant] At a sports bar, they've never tried it again. And I remember telling me, she's like, I got a friend named Dusty Slay.


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[Assistant] What's the one profession like if your dad, what he does, nobody goes up to him afterwards and is like, Oh, I could do all that because nobody knows how he does it.


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[Assistant] I could see that, or if someone plays an instrument or something, either you know how to do it or you don't, but we've all made our friends laugh, so I think everybody kinda thinks they could do it.


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[Assistant] Five of them. They had nothing to do once they brought me my food. So they just stood there and just kinda stared out the window. He was, where else you gonna stare?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Sitting at the bar and they're just kinda looking. It was just so awkward.


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[Assistant] I had to get air this morning. And I really did think it was going to be like a quarter. Last time I got air, it was $1.50.


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[Assistant] Blown up in the last few years because in 2018 the Supreme Court, uh, ruled that states


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've done this episode of Spring Court. Go watch that one. Uhm, Spring Court ruled that states, individual states, could do online sports games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In 2018. Before then, I think, uh, I think it was just Nevada that could do it. But, uh, New Jersey, like followed a lawsuit and went all the way to Supreme Court and Supreme Court ruled. So now 30 states can do online sports gambling.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so now it's just blown up where all these online apps, FanDuel, DraftKings, all that, you see commercials for it. The NFL now promotes it. You see point spreads mentioned in Telecast and stuff like that. They were all against it, but now they're all for it because they see the money that's going to be made in it.


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[Assistant] And then fantasy sports is blowing up too. There was two major league baseball players that got in a fight earlier this year over fantasy football.


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[Assistant] I guess if Mike Trout wasn't keeping the rules straight. Oh, it's like a trade.


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[Assistant] So now over 46 million people play fantasy sports in America. Wow.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and then I guess the states get the sales tax on it.


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[Assistant] And I don't know how they, I guess they can just track where you're doing it at. Cause like you have to play it in your state. Like in Tennessee, if you're a resident of Tennessee, you can't go to another state and play, they said. And do what? Do online gambling. Like you need to be in your state.


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[Assistant] Oh. But if, if you go to Kentucky. Oh, that's what we're.


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[Assistant] If you go to like Kentucky and did online gambling there, would you have to pay sales tax in Kentucky if you won?


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[Assistant] I was going to say, you do a great job of striving for greatness. You are a great comedian and a great golfer because you really put in the work into it. You're a lot, you're below average in a lot of things, but the things you really focus on, you're really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, I strive for average. That's my problem. I, when I'm on a showcase show, I'm not thinking I want to be the best. I'm usually thinking, I just don't want to be the worst guy on this show. Everything in my life is just, I went to middle Tennessee state. It has it in the name.


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[Assistant] I'm out of college dropout, I didn't go to Notre Dame, everything's just average, but you, it's a mentality that you do strive for greatness.


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[Assistant] Yeah. They pulled Americans, the biggest gambles in your life. And the three biggest were changing careers, getting married, moving to a new city. And, uh, I mean, would you say those are probably marriage wasn't the biggest gamble, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you've talked about how you moved to LA. Well, you know what? Moving from LA to here was the bigger gamble because at first you didn't even want people to know it.


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[Assistant] You're younger, but it was probably a gamble to give up a Notre Dame degree to do full-time comedy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, from right out of college till 43. How long were you there?


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[Assistant] That's true. Some examples of guys who did bet on themselves and their company Chick-fil-A when Truett Cathy decided they're not going to be open on Sundays. Everybody said that's ridiculous. That's...


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[Assistant] One seventh of your business profit that you're not going to be having. But what it did is kind of the opposite effect. It gave people this sense of urgency.


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[Assistant] That, ah, they're close, we gotta go get our Chick-fil-A. It kinda created an opposite, uh, appeal to people to go do it. And it also conveyed a sense of caring community. People, whether they realize it or not, do like the fact they said that people have some morals.


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[Assistant] In 2008, when the US economy taint, he was basically out of money, which is hard to think about now, but, uh, he had 35 million left in cash, which I know that seems weird to say out of money.


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[Assistant] But he invested- Must have been tough for him. Was he on the street? He invested it all in his own company, in Tesla, just to keep him afloat. And now, now that company's worth a trillion dollars. That's crazy.


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[Assistant] Fred Smith, founder of, uh, FedEx, he went to Yale and wrote a business


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[Assistant] Gambled it and made $27,000. So he came up with $32,000. It was just enough to keep the company afloat. Oh wow. And now of course they're a multi-million dollar.


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[Assistant] In Hollywood, the most famous story is Sylvester Stallone when he wrote Rocky.


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[Assistant] Uhm, he had $106 left to his name and he optioned it to the studio, but he insisted he had to play Rocky.


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[Assistant] Oh, well anyway. So uhm, so he turned down a lot of money to get to play the role, but he said, he said, you know what?


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[Assistant] But I mean, look at what it did for him Rocky. That's crazy. Change his life. Now he kind of stole that story. I mean, steal it, but he got the idea from a professional boxer.


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[Assistant] Who went 15 rounds with I guess Muhammad Ali. He was a nobody, not Muhammad Ali down, just like the setting for the first Rocky. Went the distance and came home, wrote the screenplay in like three days. Wow. And that's crazy.


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[Assistant] Swingers, the same thing, John Favreau wanted to put his buddies in swingers. John Favreau was an out of work actor in Hollywood and they're like, uh, we want this, we want Johnny Depp, we want Chris O'Donnell to play these characters and they're, they're going to give him like $8 million to do it. And he's like, I want my buddies Vince.


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[Assistant] Is there a few more of these? A couple more here. Matthew McConaughey, it's hard to remember. He used to be a romantic comedy guy. He did all these romantic comedies, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Fool's Gold, Wedding Planner. He didn't want to be just a comedic actor. That was when he was my favorite. Well, I really didn't.


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[Assistant] He turned down 14 and a half million to do another rom-com because he wanted to be a serious actor. And then he took 20 minutes off, 20 minutes, 20 months off from doing movies. Just, and then every, when he came back, everybody's like, Oh, where's Matthew McConaughey been? He's up to something. And all of a sudden he had this new kind of like mystique, like,


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[Assistant] Uhm, well you'll love this one then, Tom Cruise. Uhm, I love Tom Cruise. They did not want him to do his own stunt where he scaled the Burj Khalifa, Hollis Building of the World.


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[Assistant] But he insisted doing his own stunt because he would say that it would make the movie better. And the film's insurance company would not insurance. I mean, uh, give him a policy, I guess. What's the word? Ensure. Ensure. There we go. Sorry.


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[Assistant] But, uh, but he did anyway. That was the gamble. If he fell, that movie would have been delayed.


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[Assistant] Uh, when Roy McElroy was just 15 years old, his father bet 400 pounds, which I looked up to be about 450 dollars, on 501 odds that Roy would win the Open Championship by the age of 26. And when he did it, he made 341 thousand dollars. That's pretty good.


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[Assistant] All right. He's exactly you. So he bet his buddies $340,000 that, uh, he could play four rounds of golf in one day in a hundred plus degree Las Vegas heat, carrying his own clubs, playing from the tips. And he had to break a hundred each time. You think you could do that? Uh, comes out to walking over 20 miles.


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[Assistant] He did it. He got the first two rounds. He did pretty quickly. Third, he started slowing down the fourth one. It was getting risky, but when there was five or six holes left, he let some of his buddies by their way out. That's what they do. Yeah. They know you're going to win. They'll let you buy your way out. But then one guy had to cover like the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that seemed like a good place to stop. I thought that might have a little bit more heat to that story, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I got a lot more, but I feel like we should probably stop. Ben Affleck, big gambler, got card counting.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm sorry that, that, that these other stories were not fun, but he got caught card counting the black, the hard rock made him leave. He was won $800,000. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I read kinda how he did it. It's...


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[Assistant] It's cause I didn't know how card counting worked, but basically you assess a number, either a plus one or a minus one. You know how that to the good cards back and you just keep up with it in your head. And then once you feel like it's in your advantage, you start betting more money. And then there's some that are teams where you have people standing around that kind of keep up with you and they signal.


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[Assistant] There's a guy named Phil Ivy, he's known as the best poker player in the world. He's won 10 World Series of Poker Bracelets and over $100 million. And he did a technique called edge sorting.


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[Assistant] And that's basically where you can look at the back of the cards and see if they're cut slightly different, the shapes of them. And he would ask, uh, you know, he would get a good look at them. And then when they flip them over, he would remember which ones had a certain edge, certain way. And then he could remember it and he started winning money that way. And he got sued, uh, they took him to court about it because they said it was illegal.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, he would ask the dealer to kind of rotate it around so he could see it better, tell him.


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[Assistant] Like he's superstitious and most dealers when I read will basically go along with whatever you ask to try to help you out. So the dealers would do it. He's just getting a better look at the back of the car. Can you flip it over for me? Just real quick, flip it over. So yeah, I mean, I agree. It seems if you're that good, you deserve it, but yeah, but he's doing pretty well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in, uh, Portland, Oregon this Friday. Doing a private show for some folks. Hope it's comedy, but who knows? We'll see. It is Portland. Yeah. Date night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, it's not date night this time. It could be, who knows, but, uh, that's Friday and then, uh, Sunday I'm in Paducah, Kentucky with, uh, Liam Morton.


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[Assistant] What's up everybody? Shout out to our sponsor. From the makers of Helix, the most comfortable mattress ever comes all four.


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[Assistant] Easily customizable sofas, armchairs, love seats, and more. All form delivers directly to your home with fast free shipping. You can assemble.


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[Assistant] All the furniture yourself in minutes, no tools needed. Right now, Allform is offering 20% off all orders from our listeners for our listeners at allform.com slash Nate. That is 20% off all orders at allform.com slash Nate. And also thank you to Viori.


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[Assistant] Sponsoring Nate land, get yourself some of the most versatile, uh, most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VioriClothing.com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U S orders over $75.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. I'm Nate Barghetti, Aaron Weber, and filling in. Filling in. For Baby Bates, Justin Smith. Uh, what's up? Dude, I'm excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good. Yeah. What, uh, have you broke a chair?


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[Assistant] Like you have to look at shit, like any room you walk in, you're like, no, yeah, maybe. All right. And then everybody's like, Hey, welcome. And that's going on in your brain.


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[Assistant] Stuff people don't think about. You gotta, you know, everybody has their things that.


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[Assistant] It didn't, whether you're big or small, whatever, you could be, have some weird thing, you have this, you have that. But you do, you have your, you're like, what's going on? Like, let me see. I would, yeah, I'm trying to think if I, like go, I have a problem going, like if I have to pee, like next, if they could hear it, if they're outside, like the bathroom that's in here, I could never do it. It could never in a million years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I wouldn't be. I mean, I'd wait for the, yeah. I'll wait for a stall. I couldn't.


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[Assistant] So I just would go wait for us. That's insane. I think it is insane. I think people are lunatics that can't like, I don't trust them. Like they go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I always look at their freedom of being like, can you imagine just being a dude that you're just, they, I mean.


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[Assistant] They pee, like I see the golfers. I mean, when I have to pee on a golf course, I mean, I got to walk. I'm borderline not even on the course. I got to make sure that no one can see. And like, you just see people on the back of a tee box, just kind of, they just turn around out of politeness to you. They don't even need to turn around, but they're just like, I'll at least do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of politeness and then they, and you're like, well I don't even know, I don't know your life, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm back. Like it's, I will, you know, there's a couple turns. I get into the weeds and the trees and then I still do a couple turns. You know, I try to throw you off and then I go behind some tree. But I mean, I've, I've done it where there's one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Legends and uh, Vanderbilt Legends people, it's the course here. Uh, but there, uh, I was, I was peeing and there's like, you don't realize like, there's a green way, like a walkway on the other side. So I'm peeing, like everybody's in back, cutting the trees. And so I'm peeing and I look up and it's just a family. Just walks.


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[Assistant] And I don't know that there's a walkway, so you're like, well, there's just an entire, there's a road over there. Like you're like, and it's the most people on earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Better like, let's go this way right now. And then you're like, well, this is happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up with this traffic dude? He's trying to keep all the eyes up top. He's are doing slight a hand up top. What is, whose card is this? And everybody's looking up and then you're like, all right, I gotta go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's probably a lot of parents with kids on that interstate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta like, he's gonna shiver, and they're like, what is that? He's like, alright everybody, and he goes around and closes all his doors and never gets out ever again. Guess he never found what he was looking for. And so he decided to never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. On, uh, we were, did, we were like, it was me, Luis J Gomez, uh, I think Big J, and might've been one other person, maybe Vicki Anderson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we're driving, we're driving back from a gig, we all open for like Big J. And then, so we're driving back from the gig and we're in that kind of traffic. And it's like going from Connecticut back to New York on a Sunday is like the most traffic on 95.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so we're driving back and we're just in, we're barely moving, whatever. So this is back, I don't know, I don't think Lewis smokes the more he smoked cigarettes. And then, uh, so he wanted to, and he was like, well, you can't smoke in the car. So he said, well, I'll just get out and walk next to you. We're not moving. I was like, I don't know, you know, we're moving a little fast. And so he gets out of the car and I mean, within 45 seconds, we can't see him. Lewis is, he, I mean, he's, you don't know where he's at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, I mean we were so far, the traffic was moving, and then so, then we get out, we put all his bags out, and one cigarette and a match on his bags, and then right when he gets close we drive away again. So now he's gotta get all his stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so eventually he gets back in. The crazy part was like, was this was like a Sunday, Monday we're at like the cellar and this person goes up and they just see Lewis and they go, Hey, were you walking around on the interstate? Like they were like, what are the odds of that? That guy was like, he was just in our group that watched Lewis do this. That was pretty fun. Yeah. It's a credit. That's the word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to look at him so much to recognize him. Uh, you know, you're not gonna recognize...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of random, but you know, I guess you know Lewis. You would recognize Lewis. Alright.


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[Assistant] Comments everybody, uh, yeaah. Bates will be back. Bates will be back next week. Next week will be a big fun week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are, uh, the Grammys are next week. Bates has a baby. So we're going to hear all about that. Probably open with my Grammy stuff first. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A 50 year old having a baby or, uh, getting a Grammy. I don't know. The odds are probably close to the same.


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[Assistant] Uh, so we're, but no, we want, we, uh, we can't wait to hear about it. And, uh, he's been, uh, sending love to all them as we know y'all have too. Uh, so start with you guys' comments. Uh, Lawrence Bammer. Beamer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This might be y'alls best pod yet. My cheeks are legit hurting. I was laughing and smiling so much. Only thing he was missing was baby daddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One year ago today, I quit drinking soda, pop, coke, or however you say it in your region of the country because Nate challenged himself and the folks on the Nate Land podcast to get healthy. Nate only lasted until the next episode, but I made it a year. Good for you, Kurt. That's awesome, Kurt. You showed me up. Well, Kurt, I'm now trying to catch you. I'm not going to give up soda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so that's over. But I'm down, you know, our weight loss thing, I'm down, I'm 181. Wow. Yeaah, I was 194.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I'm a tiny, getting tiny. But that's awesome, Kurt. See?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone just goes, I'll keep going. That's why I gave up, because I knew Kurt would carry, carry the torch for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kelly Swallows, if we don't get a split screen of the rock bear chest with his baby and baby baits on bear chest breakfast, I will not feel my time dedicated to this podcast was even worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at that. There it is. There it is. That's so, I mean, good night. The difference. Which one is which again?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at his face, very cute. Yeaah, that's cool. Yeaah, that's awesome. Not much better, and that is the best thing ever. Not that y'all would know.


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[Assistant] Jackson Clark. I was going to say I'm a big fan of the podcast because I've been listening since episode 5 or 6, but I've just now realized that this is a video podcast at episode 91. Also, YouTube suggested it or I would have written it out to 100 EPS. I can't describe a dedicated folk any more perfect. Yep, that's what we would do. No idea. What's that? It's videoed. Oh.


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[Assistant] Uh, Christopher M. Just saw Justin Smith in Springfield, Missouri. His smartwatch jokes were unbelievable.


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[Assistant] That conversation reminded me of Frankenstands asking about the hen, the chicken, and the rooster. Something's missing, alright? You.


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[Assistant] Who? Is it you? You. Like y-o-u. Yeah. You.


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[Assistant] A ram is a male sheep, a female sheep is a ewe, and the baby is a lamb. I thought they were all three different.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's like, you saw me, Lauren Harp and you're like.


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[Assistant] You're like, oh, those people are not related clearly. You're like, no, that's a regular, that's American family. You go, oh, I don't know what I was thinking.


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[Assistant] I'm a big loves fan. I'm a big loves fan. Uh, I think they could update some of them. A couple of them. A couple of them you go into, you're like, you're better than this.


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[Assistant] No, no, love is, cause love is all I would ever go to. It's the safe, like when you're driving at night, it's like the safest. Anytime you feel the safest of loves. Uh, but you go to some and they got like hearty, they have like all the stuff. Yeah. And then you go to some other ones and you're like,


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[Assistant] The phenomenon that gives the moon the illusion of not spinning is called tidal locking.


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[Assistant] The moon takes 27.322 days to orbit around Earth. It also takes 27 days to rotate on its axis, which results in the moon appearing like it's not spinning. So do we see another side of the moon? It just, oh, would we ever? I guess we never would.


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[Assistant] Oh, okay. You know. So if we could shake it a little bit, we'd be like, ooh. I wonder if we saw the other side of the moon.


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[Assistant] Who knows? Yeah, cause the sun. But would the sun ever hit that side?


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[Assistant] But the people that live there, they'd be like, no, it gets live all the time over here. And you're like, well, we don't. Like that's what I'm saying. If there's a whole family, there's, you know, a bunch of people over there.


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[Assistant] Uh, is he dead? No, no, no, I just like to, just in case. Uh, you never know when this is gonna come out. I'm saying that's right.


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[Assistant] Kayla Byrum. I hate that when I scream at my TV, y'all can't hear me. The blonde exercise woman.


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[Assistant] That Nate was trying to think of is Suzanne Summers. That's exactly what I was thinking of. There she is.


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[Assistant] It's fun watching Aaron the Gout Weber slowly clap back at Nate for being an old man over the course of the podcast.


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[Assistant] That just go the other way. Yeah. I don't, yeah, I'm not traditionally, I'm not traditional smart.


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[Assistant] I'd say that. I can't talk, you use big words, I'm out. Like, there's a lot of stuff like that. I don't know.


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[Assistant] But I mean, anything I do, like that's why I like, if I ever talked to like anybody, like agents or business managers, like I'm always like, what? Like just tell me, what does that mean though? Like, you know, it's like, well, it means this. Okay.


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[Assistant] I mean, after I say that, it's not like I just say it on the podcast. I literally say it to people's face. I go, but what does that mean?


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[Assistant] The language, I don't know. Concept. Yeah, the concept is like, yeah, move around, make decisions.


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[Assistant] Yeah, cause I think that's a shield for, I'm not saying everybody, but it's a lot of, like it's a shield that you're like, you can just say big words. And everybody's been in an argument with someone and they just start saying big words and you're kind of like, I don't even know what you're saying. So you're kind of out of it. And I was, that's like a safety.


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[Assistant] Cause it's like, well, all you gotta do is say bigger words than me. And if I'm not educated like you are, and I'm like, I don't, I've never, you know, I don't read the dictionary. That's what I say to them, which is a dumb statement. I mean, that didn't even help me at all. I go, I'm sorry. I've never read the dictionary. Everybody. Encyclopedia. That's my big word. Uh, cocky.


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[Assistant] Allison. Kaykee Allison. K-A-K-K-I. Allison. We had to flush our cereal too.


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[Assistant] It never all went down in one fell swoop. That's an interesting thing to explain to your rich garbage disposal friends. I'm glad to hear someone else how to do it.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Cause we didn't have a garbage disposal. So my dad would say, you gotta flush it. And I would almost throw up every time. Cause it was just so gross. Pouring water and Cheerios and


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[Assistant] Pull it is just, it's, oh, it was, oh, I'd close my eyes and just do it. You hear it and then just flush it and you run out like.


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[Assistant] Someone just walked in our house at that point, they're like, why do you already have a bowl in the bathroom?


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[Assistant] The AIDS candy situation reminded me of when I worked for AT&T in the early 2010s.


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[Assistant] They later rebranded it because of obvious reasons, but I vividly remember talking people into signing up to join ISIS because it was the future.


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[Assistant] I wonder if there's a guy that's like, I think we can still keep, like he, like the guy that came up with it, he goes, I don't, I mean, where are y'all seeing the resemblance? It feels different. Well, it's both Isis. Yeah. He goes, what if he just say Isis? Isis. Isis. You go, it's spelled Isis. No one's going to say that.


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[Assistant] If you really dive into it, I mean, what, you know, I don't see how they're any different than a lot. Like he's just trying to make it seem like he just talked to his people. Alright, look, I looked it up last night. I'll be, I think I would join.


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[Assistant] And so, I think we should, you know, keep it.


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[Assistant] Benjamin Dukes, Nate has mentioned opening for Chris Rock on the podcast a few times.


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[Assistant] But, uh, I met him, uh, I went to Zanies Nashville and met him, uh, our mutual friend, Neil Brennan.


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[Assistant] And then I did, I ended up opening for him for a few cities. Uh, and the first one I did was in Durham, DPAC, which I was just at on my birthday. And, uh, and so I opened for Chris at that place. And then, so that's, that's how I met him.


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[Assistant] You know, and then, and then I did a few more cities with him, but he's a great dude. And, uh, you know, they had that Oscars thing, uh, you know, recording this on Monday. So it was last night, but, uh, it's, uh, yeah, Chris did a great job handling that. That is not, that's a brutal thing to try to handle.


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[Assistant] And that's, uh, it's insane. Like it's crazy. Like you can, whatever you want about a joke, you're like, I don't know, man. You're it's like, y'all you, she's had jokes made. Y'all have had to make jokes about like.


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[Assistant] And I do feel bad, like there's something that's, you're like something's up dude. I know. Like, and it just, it came out in that moment, but to do that to, to another person is that's humiliating. That's worse than the joke.


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[Assistant] Like it's like, and I know it's like, well she has alopecia and stuff like that. And you're like, I didn't know that. And I think it's recent. I don't know when she came. We're not trying to defend it or whatever. I don't think Chris Rock knew that. He's making a joke in the moment. Like, you know, they've got to know each other. They got to be like, you know, they're just. Right. Not the first.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, this is the point. You go up and you're going to take some shots at you. That's what these, this is, I truthfully believe.


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[Assistant] Cause like, you know, then Will won that which I was so excited when he won. I've never wanted him to win more than after. I was like, please win.


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[Assistant] Like, I think everybody was like, you're like, please win dude, what are you gonna say? I know. And then he went and said, he apologized to everybody but Chris.


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[Assistant] Which is insane. And then, you know, you saw Chris go, he's like, I could, like, you know, he could have just, just done 40 minutes on Will Smith.


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[Assistant] Alright, showed him laughing, which I didn't, he could not be listening and he just kind of...


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[Assistant] Puttin' on the face and, uh, you know, his wife, uh, Jada Pinkett, like, she didn't think, but it's not like his wife is not a celebrity, like his wife, you're like super famous. You're a celebrity. Like, it's the idea of like,


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[Assistant] No one thinks anybody should be mean to someone. No one thinks, like, no one's on board with these jokes and blah blah and whatever. But here's a point where you're like, yo dude, if y'all both have a ho over a hundred million dollars, then you gotta like take it for us to watch. Like, I don't know, I'm not gonna feel terrible. Yeah. I'm not gonna feel that bad.


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[Assistant] That you just, you're sitting so close, you're closer to Chris Rock than anybody. You're closer to the stage!


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[Assistant] And then like everybody standing out, it's the disconnect. I, you know, it's them in this business, but you can see this business and you're like,


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[Assistant] It's, you're seeing that other way where it's podcasts or it's YouTube and like these followings and stuff like that. I'm not doing stuff with Netflix. Netflix I'm a big fan of, but I mean, I truly think that, I mean, a lot of these streaming places are figuring it out, but that like Hollywood world, you know, it's like, if they don't,


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[Assistant] You're like, if y'all don't realize like how crazy you look, because it's like, it felt like everybody there supported Will Smith and everybody watching at home supports Chris Rock. Well, there's way more people supporting Chris Rock and no one's either way. It's like, it's not beyond the joke. It's like, you can't, I get you can't be mean to someone, but hey,


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[Assistant] We're gonna pay you a ton of money. How about you? All we ask is don't slap someone.


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[Assistant] We will make you family of billionaires. You wanna be a billionaire worth almost a billion dollars? We're gonna do that.


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[Assistant] Just not slap. If you don't mind, just don't slap. And at the time, you'd probably answer it and go, yeah, why would I ever do that? And you're like, you're... You'd be surprised.


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[Assistant] You'll be surprised. Give it some time. I know right now you're doing Fresh Prince and it doesn't seem like you would ever get to that point, but you got a long career ahead of you.


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[Assistant] So just always remember don't slap, you know, even things that Denzel said, he's like, the devil comes at you at your, uh, what are the strongest moments or the highest moments or whatever. Yeah. And uh, which is, which is a great thing to say, but you're like, how do you say that?


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[Assistant] And I love Denzel Washington, like, but it's like, Denzel says that, how do you say that and then not go, and I should have, like, how do you not apologize to Chris Rock?


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[Assistant] How do you not, like, how do you not just walk off and just go like, I, I, this is, I'm mortified. He just went and sat back down.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, he did awesome. Chris Rock did awesome. Like he, he could've went down the road. Didn't even drop the note card. Yeah. I didn't notice that. He's, Will Smith is heavier, bigger than him. Way bigger. Uh, I think there's a picture of him with two, an MMA training. Like, I mean, yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well he slapped him, which is, you know, worse than a punch. And then slapping is just, it's so disrespectful.


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[Assistant] Because no, because this is how crazy of a thing that was. No one would have, no cop would have ran up and stopped him. Nobody on earth would have.


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[Assistant] There's no, that's why Rock just, there's no moment of him thinking, I'm, he's about to hit me. Cause Will Smith's walking up there, he's laughing and he's like, blah, blah, blah. There's, there's a trust that you have that, you know, especially as entertainers.


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[Assistant] Like, how, like how do you know these award shows are this? You know that it's like they're gonna make jokes. You know they're gonna do whatever. I, look, she has alopecia, like, that's inappropriate, but you're like,


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[Assistant] I don't know if, I don't think Chris Rotten knew that. Like he made an off joke on the side and just did it. You can't just go do that dude. That's your big, people realize like.


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[Assistant] You're, one of your big fears of onstage, and I think of it, and I don't, and I don't, you say anything. I'm not trying to make, you know.


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[Assistant] Do you get a rise out of anybody? But when you're up there, like the lights are in my face, I can't see.


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[Assistant] And, uh, you know, you can see little glimpses and stuff, but you can't see a ton. And so I don't know if someone's going to, like, and I think about it all the time. Someone could walk up to the stage. You've had it happen. I've had it happen.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and you don't know that they're there. I mean, sometimes you can see, sometimes, but a lot of times you can't. And these bigger places we're getting, I have no idea. So like someone could just, they could do whatever they want. And there is a fear that you're in a room with just the most trust ever. That you're like, everybody's cool, right? Cause I can't see you.


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[Assistant] And I'm talking to all these people and all it takes is one person and they'd be up there, you know, and that, but that's even a stranger. You at least with my.


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[Assistant] Be like that. Will Smith, who you probably know.


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[Assistant] You're gonna be like, ah, alright man, sorry, now like, ah, making fun, that's been done


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[Assistant] He's a nice sweet man is what you thought until then you're like, I don't, I don't know. Like, I mean, everybody liked Will Smith.


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[Assistant] It's, I mean, yea, they gave him the award, they, they stayed in ovation, they cried for him. You're like, you just want to go.


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[Assistant] Uh, you wanna go like, just, alright, if you wanna feel bad for Jada Pinkett and she should've done it.


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[Assistant] He should have made that joke about her, you're like, well show me some sympathy for Chris Rock too.


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[Assistant] Like just be like, you know, like some, like a lot of people were saying like, well let's just say both are bad. Then that's fine.


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[Assistant] But you can't, like in that situation, like it's still, one's words and one's like, you just slapped a dude in front of the, the biggest award show in history.


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[Assistant] And you just, like, you're chumps. And as comedians, we take it as like, look, like, we're just this sideshow that you're like, well, you know what, dude, we're the ones that have to create everything. And that's what, like, you look at, like, Chris Rock, he had, he has to create everything. Comedians have to write all their information, they have to sell it, they have to write it, they have to do everything.


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[Assistant] Where, you know, actors, you're like, and it's hard. You got to get in these mindsets. I mean, clearly you can't get out of whatever mindset he was in for this movie. So I guess it is pretty tough.


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[Assistant] That's a lot that you're like, if you're another actor, you're like, Hey, what's up, man? And then he's like, hello. And you're like.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like, well then I just wouldn't be around him unless he's on...


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[Assistant] You know, be like, whatever dude, you wanna get in your space, like, but like, yeaah. Don't take it weird, like, I would, I don't wanna see you.


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[Assistant] Outside of us acting because I think it's crazy that you can't, uh, be a little normal.


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[Assistant] When we're not shooting for, I don't know, 12 hours, four day, like, you know, it's not like they're...


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[Assistant] They have like 10 minutes off and then they're back. It's like he, you have a good 24 hours probably off.


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[Assistant] Yeah. It seems like, yeah. Well, it seems like, look, he dives into all that stuff and like, I'm, you know, whatever. Go do, I get it. I get staying in that mindset, you know, but it'd be all like with these, you know, that you just would be like, yeah, dude, I'm not going to.


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[Assistant] But I'd rather not even meet you really outside of, outside of us being on the thing. I don't want you to.


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[Assistant] If I'm getting food, just wait till I get away. Cause I don't want you, you know, coming back. Hello. Do you mind passing me the peas? And you're like, Oh God. You're like, Hey Jared. He's like, it's Tommy. And you're like, all right, man. You know, there's a lot of normal people around. So maybe, you know.


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[Assistant] All the workers are like regular people, so maybe don't do this. It seems weird. They should get his own section.


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[Assistant] Uh, a guy that's getting paid 50 million dollars for this movie. And I have a single mom over here that does the lighting. And so I just think, she shouldn't have to figure out how to talk to a chicken. If you don't mind. So just, we're gonna put you in that, in that kind of gathering.


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[Assistant] So whoever wants to do it, we support it. I'd prefer you to do it, but at least do it in the gathering area and don't wander around. Neutral, neutral. Neutral, we got a back area.


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[Assistant] This is, but you're not allowed out. There's a lot of, there's mainly only regular people on this.


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[Assistant] Gathering and when you want to go home, we're back up like a horse trailer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're good. You know, I will have a couple people, they dress up and come talk to you like the character. You know, if you're playing a medieval character, we'll have a knight come in and give you your Chick-fil-A. And just, so you can be like, thank you. You know, whatever mood you're staying in. I don't know.


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[Assistant] The whole podcast crew got a few new things. Laura got the.


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[Assistant] Performance jogger with the halo hoodie in a nice green color.


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[Assistant] It's soft, she wears it all the time. I have my performance joggers, uh, for workout, casual days. Viori! It's a new outlook on performant apparel. Perfect if you're sick and tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when you go out, I wear it a lot during the day, especially on the road. It's like for my life, it's amazing. And then for everybody else life, that's like, I'm sure a lot of people might be working at home or you're, you know, and you had those days and it's like, you know, get up, wear some Viori and you at least get to be comfortable. But you feel, you have to go answer the door. You don't look like, uh, just some lunatic that hasn't.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's the first time out of your, it's been two years and you're like, hello? You're like, look nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Website is very easy to order from not cluttered or busy. Seriously, order some today. Viori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Vioriclothing.com slash Nate. That is V U O R I clothing dot com slash Nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And free returns, go to VioriClothing.com slash Nate and discover the versatility of Viori clothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like we can't, you know, we used to be able to fit everybody on you, and now we're like, eh, gotta put them in the, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the pit. Uh, Helix has a new company called Allform and they are already making the best sofas we have ever seen. Allform is the easiest way you can customize a sofa using premium materials.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She makes the, and Laura belittles me. I do it in all form. So I'm very comfortable. So I can take it. Cause I, I feel nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they even offer a forever warranty, literally forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All form sofas are also delivered directly to your home with fast free shipping. Sofas can take weeks or months to arrive and you need someone to put it together. All form takes just three to seven days to arrive and you can assemble it yourself. No tools needed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To find your perfect sofa or chair, check out allforum.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at Allform.com slash Nate, A-L-L-F-O-R-M dot com slash Nate for your new favorite sofa that is 20% off all orders at Allform.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] That's fast too. 20 miles per hour on a bike? That's fast. I bet most people wouldn't go that because they'd feel uncomfortable how fast it is. They sent us one. We're giant fans.


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[Assistant] Dude, just take that around all weekend. Yeah. This is the new future for the city. Oh, for sure.


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[Assistant] Laura would make, Laura would make me do, she wants me to do the vitamins. Yeah. Not a fan. Never even opened them. Oh no. Yeah. Why would you? Seems like a lot.


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[Assistant] I have to swallow that. I know that sounds dumb, but you're, I won't ever do it. And I've had, and like when you first drink these athletic greens, it's like, you know, I'm always like, you're always like a little like add on.


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[Assistant] And then the first time he takes you, you're like, hey, and it's like, just do it. And then you're like, oh, you know what? This is great. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, so this week, uh, we have a, we have a fun one. Uh, we're going to talk, I don't know kind of how to, I was like, yeah, we're already, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's more, there's more doors. Think about one person's house. There's three times the doors versus cars they have. Okay. Every person.


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[Assistant] Four. Two cars, so we have eight wheels. Okay. We got that electric bike, ten wheels. There you go. Lars got a bike, twelve wheels.


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[Assistant] Like, pull a lot of strings to make all these wheels beat the doors. The doors come out of the gate. I mean, just think about like, dude, there's doors, there's two doors here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In just this room, the bathroom door and the way to get out. Okay. So it's like, you have so many doors that now you're, you're going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I guess, yeaah, I guess if you add that, oh, there's a lawnmower. You're like, alright, so you're not talking about obviously what people think of wheels. When you say just wheels, no one's even going to think, lawnmower, don't forget lawnmower.


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[Assistant] No, I think, so I would, I just look at it as like, that's fine. Wills might win, but the time it's going to take you to figure out how many dumb wheels you're going to make up that's going to beat doors. Like I'm already, I got so much money in the door world that I don't even, you're going to be tired. You're barely make it to the debate center.


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[Assistant] Because you'll be just worn out of just being like, well, there's a wheel wheel. You know, like Jared Leto just in character wheel, wheel, wheel. There's one wheel. Yeah. You know, that's what I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I mean. But it's good. Good thing stuff's getting solved on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a good, it's, I mean, it's, it's a good move for regular body people. That's right. Cause I don't have a body for a ninja. No one, no one has it. You know, ninjas have their bodies are crazy. Yeah. It's nice to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, there's a point where a ninja is, you know, sitting there with his parents, he's got his sword, he's just eating, you know, he can't afford to live on his own cause, you know, he's just, he's cause he's always a vigilante. I mean, he doesn't get paid. Ninjas are poor people. Yeah. And he's eating cereal and a steak, having to pour it in the toilet. And his mom's just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long do you think you're gonna do this? He's got his mask just kinda up here, that sword just sticking out behind him, and he's like,


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[Assistant] You know, your, your aunt was in a circus and she still knows some people over there. So you can do all the, you know, you could do all the stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get you in the union, you can ride that motorcycle around in that tube and you know, they'd be lucky to have you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes, I don't know mom, this is what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing.


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[Assistant] But I now know at the end of it, they're like, nah, no, that was true. There's way more to it than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, you're saying in the movie, they say it's not true. You're saying- No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so it's not like it's a spoiler in the movie. It's no, no, no, no, it's like, but it's, oh, when did that come out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even just hearing about it I think I would, I would take ninja classes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah. But that's like a whole thing, is like he, he gets- I literally, as you were talking, I was like, I think I wanna do some kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in martial arts, I think I do, I think I would like to just like to learn how to do stuff. And the only problem is, is you're sitting there like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little too old to be just like, I gotta, another dude, just I gotta like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then have to like get out of a position. Like I feel too old past that. Okay. Maybe I could get over it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was thinking, yes, someone tries to slap me on stage, but it's like, you want to like have, it's like, is it kickboxing? Do they have to go, they don't have to go down, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeah, yeah, boxing. Yeah, boxing could be good. Yeah. Dustin Chafin, it was a golden, uh, it was a golden glove when he was a kid. So he knows boxing and then, but I could do, yeah, but kickboxing. So you have a little like, you know, ninja, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want one person to walk away and go, was that guy a ninja? Like, even though everybody's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but what was it? Taekwondo? Taekwondo. So that's like kicking and punching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I could do more, but I could do more tight. And so I don't have to roll around on the ground with someone, or as much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the MMA was like grappling. You're just like, I don't know. It's like, when I did it even back then, I was like, I don't like this. Like I don't like, I feel, A, you're a little claustrophobic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, or I guess I was even a little back then. And it was the fact that you're, and now, you know, I'm 43 now and you're like, I can't be having some...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. I keep, these are all confusing me. But I want to say Muay Thai. Yeah, I mean it's- Elbows and- Yeah, yeah. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, if I ever learn it, I'm not going to tell you though. Cause I think that's the secret. You don't let anybody know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dare anybody to walk up here. Everybody here got alopecia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Beverly Hills Ninja. I mean, he is, uh, his brother is running around Beverly Hills in a full ninja suit. No one ever notices it. No one ever says anything. And it's, uh, that's a great movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you can probably get one now. I mean, the ninja ones might be different, but- Do they just change your uniform color?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody has a white uniform still and you walk in with a blue jumpsuit on. You go, wait, you have a blue belt, buddy? You go, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole suit is blue. I think it would be better to get, you should get this suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's more, they should give it, how good would that be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To always have honor and courage. Always have honor and courage. So while you walked out of your door, you looked at that sword and said honor, courage. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, you know, this is Notre Dame, all these warriors, they got to go wrestle men on a football field, get people going to real war. And you're, uh, as you pack your suitcase or your backpack, going to, you know, friendship class, friendship class. And you just go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love it. I like them too. I don't know much about them, but I'm a big fan. Makes a ton of sense. I've already wrapped my head around the fact that they're not wearing those karate outfits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're turtles. They can hide in their shell. That's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look up why they would remove a pill. Is it like would they remove it and then put it on their face?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How would, what did you, uh, what did you type in? Ninja remove pillow from enemy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make sure you give it to them. I'm telling you Wikipedia, I'll give you money if you then take it off of my thing. If you take the ad away. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't give you money if you don't take the ad away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I don't know how internet, computer works, but I'm sure we can do a lot of things now. We're going to the other side of the moon currently. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I pay and donate money to you, I'm fine, but you can't, you can't, you can't just leave that at the top. Like everything, you go to Wikipedia, it's just the whole page is, will you please? I can never get past it. It's like, I want stuff to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were created with other incredible feats, which ranged from removing the pillow from beneath a sleeping enemy, or assassinating a warlord from below while he sat on his toilet. Well those, these stories are likely exaggerations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it doesn't, yea, the, the, I don't even, if you're a ninja, I think y'all would be embarrassed. You go, what do you do? And he goes, well, I take a pillow out of, oh, when I'm dead asleep, dude, you can pull a pillow. I lose my pillow on my own in my sleep and I wake up and it's on the floor. Like, why would I not just think that happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was no one having pillows fall on the ground back in those days? How do you not just go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, you know what, the guy just wakes up and, you know, sleep, just grabs it, sets it back on the bed and goes back to sleep. Never thinks of it again. He's like, I can't, he goes, I don't, I gotta, I mean it would take. I gotta fire my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, my pillow falls off every night and he goes like, you're talking about like once or twice a week now, a month straight, a month straight. I woke up in the middle of the night, my pillow's on the ground and I grab it and have to put it back. I don't even.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how we'd be like, I bet it's a, I don't, I don't know, if someone said they think it's a ninja, you'd be like, ah, yeah, I hope so. Anyway, so like it must be my arm or something, like no one would even write a note, put something else under it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, is that what a Ninja is like a great mover? That's basically what they do. They're just like, we'll come in, take your couch, put a new couch in. You won't even know we're there. You're like, that's a pretty good service. Thank you, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just do it whenever you want. You go, we're getting the house. Don't worry about it. Give us the address. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wake up and have a new, you just see them. That would be a good ninja, a ninja movement service.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the, when am I going to get the couch? We don't tell you, but one day you will wake up and there will be a new couch upstairs. And then just in the middle of the night, they got a rope and they open windows, the couch is going outside and new ones coming in and it's like no one hears. They turn the lights off as they turn the corner and just, it's like all very quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but they, all those leaders were really killed? I mean, even-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can go a thousand, two thousand people, but you can't go, it's a lazy riding to go, how many people dad? You know, a good bit, quite a few. More than you, enough that I should know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's their new, like, just so you know, we can always get you your outside doorbell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without you knowin'. So just, we're watchin'. Just, you go. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd want to see how the Ninja approached the ring and how he got away. Cause it's like, if you see him just like run away, like a, you know, very wide need or something, you're like, well, that's not a Ninja dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a ninja would be able to go underneath it and would hit it and you would never see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not very ninja at all. Yeah, there's a brand. There's a, yeah. There's a brand. I truly messed up the SEO. Ninja Doorbell Indonesia. Oh, maybe, you know what? It seems like, was it an ad for this ninja doorbell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The commercial was real. You're like, where did you see this? We're like, oh, I saw it on TV. There's the news. You're like, no, no, that was like a commercial. And they're like, you're like, find out over there. They're like, what? Like they don't know about commercials in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not all just like real programming. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. They do like commercials and stuff like, and that's what I don't.