[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got one in my kitchen. It's like a solar powered one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my kids bought it one time in town, I think, and it's just, it's on my ledge in my, in my kitchen. Like, uh, I, I see it every day. It's hilarious. It makes me smile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's a tournament though. This is a closed tournament. This isn't like, you're not running a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure, but if you're running, if you're, if you're broadcasting a closed tournament, uh, for cash, uh, but it happens to be poker, that, I, I wouldn't say that that's actually gambling, is it? Like that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Right, okay. Oh! Go, go! Go let loose!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if there was a problem, Flax will solve it. Lewis, can I ask you what video games you've been playing recently? I'm curious to know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta pester. Sometimes, like, I know, if you're anything like me, you don't respond to things like, ever, or straight away, you know? Unless you're pestered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody pesters me, there's a good chance I'll probably respond to them. But if somebody just sends me one email and expects a reply, I'm lazy. I never get around to it, you know? Like, it's not like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. So what do I do with my collection of floppy disks then? How do I keep them safe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to, I want to keep them, I have an old computer that I've kept around just so that I can access my vast library of floppy disks. Like, what about the ones that have like the metal protector thing that, that, like are those ones? Okay, what's the problem?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But who's out there fact-checking the well-actuallys, though? That's the thing, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, he should Kitchen Nightmares his own fucking restaurant and bring up the point about the fax machine. You know, cause that wouldn't fly. If he went to like, uh, Jimmy and Jane's, uh, pizzeria in, uh, New Jersey or whatever and they were taking, uh, bookings by fax machine, he would, he would go into conniptions live on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, but then in the meantime, he's fucking doing it himself at, at Ramsey's, uh, restaurant Chelsea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it must have been weird to think you're sitting in a restaurant and every one of those people had a fax machine or access to a fax machine. What year was this in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, I think that's the big turn off for me is any hassle, you know, like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, even like sometimes like with the sponsorship or whatever, if they're really like particular about something or specific, I'm just like, oh, why did I even say yes to this? You know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, if you want to sponsor me for something,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me stream it for like two hours when I would normally stream or whatever and just let it, let me do it my way and, and see what happens. You know what I mean? Like, uh, I don't need to be micromanaged or do things like at some crazy hour to fit in with demographics and stuff. You know what I mean? Like it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's all, all the extras and I'm just like, oh jeez, just, I don't even wanna do it now. Just leave me alone, you know, like, I know it's money, but like, at the same time, like, it's just a lot of ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if they do have the money though, I think sometimes it's a chain of money, right? So like, it has to come in, but it still shouldn't take that long, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the more restrictive it is, I feel like you end up being like, uh, you ever see Keeping Up Appearances? You know, Hyacinth's neighbor Elizabeth? You know how she's just like on the fucking edge all the time because Hyacinth is just so overbearing and particular about everything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Send me, send me what you think is the best episode. I, I, when I watch it, I'm thinking to myself, who wrote this and what experiences did they have that led them to write this? Because the writing for uh, for Hyacinth in particular is incredible. Like it's just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause she's like, she's a middle, she's a middle class, um, like aspiring posh person, you know, like she, she thinks she's like as posh as the queen, but she lives in the suburbs, right? With her, with her husband who works at like a fucking stapler factory as like middle management or whatever, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some episodes are better than others as well, but like, uh, like there's this, there's one episode where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go on a cruise ship, and uh, and Hyacinth's brother-in-law, this guy, he's like, uh, he's a scouser called, uh, Onslow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's just got like, he's fat, he's got the wife beater, you know, he looks like he works like at a car mechanics or whatever and she doesn't like him. She thinks he's too common, right? And uh, so she goes, they go on this cruise ship and she's making this big deal about how she's gonna have dinner with the captain, they're gonna sit in like the VIP section and have dinner with the captain or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they turn up and onslaughts there having dinner with the captain because he won, he won like a lottery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was like a trip on this cruise ship, so she's just fucking mortified the entire time, like that he has just like, you know, jumped the queue or whatever to like, you know, do all these posh things that he doesn't appreciate because he's just like, you know, he's got like a can of beer and he's belching and stuff and like all these other people are like, you know, like royal admirals and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could, you, but you can go, go for it. If there's some geopolitical issue that you think needs to be resolved and quickly, we'll probably be able to do it. Just a quick chat and it's done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a bit awkward, you know? Like, I dunno. There's just something about it. Like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My daughter had, my daughter had stitches in her chin and they, one of the nurses held her phone with Ben and Holly. Like, you know, remember, anyone remember Ben and Holly, any Ben and Holly fans as a cartoon? They held that up for her. It did seem to relax her quite a bit. They also gave her, uh, uh, what is it, the, the gas and air?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to do a micro shout out, if I may. Okay. If this counts. I got this on Amazon. When I was at TI, one of the makeup ladies showed it to me to clean my glasses. This is the Peeps Spectacles Cleaner, which I got. It has a brush that deploys from one end. Nice. And you take off your glasses and you carefully dust away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You take off like that, and it's got this clamp, and you clamp it onto your spectacles like so, and it cleans both sides at the same time. I've never had cleaner glasses, ladies and gentlemen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well the outcome was my, the surface of my eyes is too thin. Oh. And the guy said no, we can't. The best we could do is implant, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Contact lenses. Under the surface of your eye. Uh, and he said, but we'd want to give you these new ones that are coming out that are reading glasses and regular lenses at the same time that implant. So I, I previously never had very focals or bifocals or anything like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what I have now. Uh, these are reading glasses and long, far-sighted glasses all in one. And it takes a bit of getting used to. But after a month?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so you see the way they're quite, they are quite, they're a couple of big old bins. This bottom part here is for reading. Right. So I just have to sort of look down. So you have to read like this. I just have to sort of look down. If I look like that, it sort of goes wrong, so I have to keep my eye, my head up. But when I'm going down the stairs, I have to comically look down like a robot, sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if I need to look at something beneath me, I have to really look over and I have to like turn my head like this to look because there's no peripheral vision to them because of the way the lenses are. So it's made me a bit more robotic and turny, but it is an improvement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you paint it the way that lady did in, uh, what was it called, uh, Big Lebowski where she flies naked on a, on a sort of zip line above the paint and goes like that with her brushes as she goes over the canvas? Is that how you do it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what you gotta do. You gotta find out where the fuckers are nesting. And it's not just on your clothes, alright? You can get these moth traps and moth bombs that will kill them, but there'll be something in your house. We found out that it was, over the winter,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've got a hammock, one of those deployable hammocks in the garden. It's like a metal frame, and you just hang the hammock material off it. It's really nice. We brought that in over winter, rolled it up, and it was there. And they are looking for somewhere where there are little crevices and cracks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Preferably fabric, but organic material will do, and they'll nest in there, and they weave these little silken pouches, and they have all their babies, and all the babies are in there, and occasionally they'll just hatch out, and you'll see fucking moths. You're like, where are they fucking coming from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they're not like big graceful moths. They're like little flappy brown very plain moths. They're pantry moths, I think they're called. And clothes moths are very similar. We see them all over the house. Not anymore!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we cleaned out, we found the nest, and the last nest we found, my youngest daughter found it, she was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon they're coming from that jar of potpourri.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, we tend to have the back door open in the summer. They come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They find somewhere to settle down, and they make a nest, and then you got moths up your fucking- up your penis. I'll tell you what, you think a camera's bad, imagine a bunch of moth shi-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I logged, uh, logged off my computer last night, or night before last, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every single website, everything. So something must have happened overnight with Windows or something where all the cookies have been removed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, cup of tea. That's J for Jingle Jam. J for Jingle Jam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I must have slept funny, my shoulders fucking killing me. We're so old, my god! What is happening to us? This is like- We're talking about dick cameras, how we're peeing, we're talking about how often we need to go, my fucking shoulders ruined, anyone got a tip? My shoulders killing me. It's like right inside, I must have slept funny, it's so fucking bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, alright, so here's a question, Astro 570, which the question is, my 25 year old fiance is still just a cup thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's just moved into wine glasses. Here's my question. Does she have to do the washing up or the dishes at all? Or is this something that you do? Because if not, you know, you should just do the most passive aggressive thing possible. Just wash your stuff and then be like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that's your stuff, you wash your stuff, I'll wash my stuff. If you wanna be a dick about it, you can just fucking suck it up, wash the cups and glasses, job done. It's really up to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, indeed. Although some of our answers may create other problems we don't intend to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, I think it's fascinating the amount of media presence the American elections have over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he did an interview where he said, if everything works, uhm, they will say it wasn't because of me, and if everything goes wrong, they'll say it was my fault, and something like that. Like he thinks the opposite is true. He thinks if the Republicans do well, it's because of him, and if they do poorly, it's because they didn't do enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Historically they haven't. Like that's what gets me. Historically the voting scale has pretty much always been the same. It always will be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More, uh, younger people tend to be more liberal and as people get older they tend to become more conservative. But the thing is, what is conservative when you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not saying this is true. You're asking questions. I think that's fine. I think if you can't ask questions and say, what is the deal with that? And this is all very complicated. People are like, no, you're wrong. He's not saying the facts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Belgium is the cocaine capital of the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there are a few reasons, a few reasons. All these Balkan gangs went to Belgium and have set up these, these, uh, drug, drug empires out of there. You ship it over from South America, where Belgium has a lot of, you know, shipping container yards, a lot of ports and stuff come, it comes into Belgium and disseminates through Europe from there. They set up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, because the port is so efficient, and so, so, and you can ship so many containers in, they can't scan every single one and go through every single one. So, yeaah, they're flying through, so even if one in ten, one in ten gets through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought, I thought they, I know they do it from South America up to Miami. And they got the cocaine there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know if they did it. Uh, here's the thing. Couldn't you just put a load of cocaine in a torpedo and shoot it out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what worked? That worked, and the sticky triangles, you get a cardboard triangle, you hang it, and they get stuck in there, they're like, uuuh, that worked, and destroying their home base worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's the bee's turn for revenge. You know, what goes around comes around. We've been fucking the bees over for too long, stealing their honey, killing them, pesticides, swatting them. I know people that go like, kill the bee. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? That's a bee, you fucking idiot. You may as well kill yourself. Because you think the bees run out, we're next.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These in general, fantastic, love em, big fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, uh, if you watch the YouTube video of slow motion of bees coming and going from their hive, they are really uncoordinated. They're just like bumping into each other, banging into things, they can barely coordinate at all. It's quite funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we get all B emotes in chat, please? If you have a B emote, now's the time to use it. Get the B emotes going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know, there's all, there's all saucy questions rather than, uh, just regular different questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It goes, Harold, Guardian, Crusader, Archon, Legend, Ancient, Divine, Immortal, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, now hang on. In Bristol there's a ton of fucking vegan restaurants and you drag me to them quite frequently. So I'm not gonna have that view out of options. I feel, as a healthy carnivore, there's a distinct lack of meat options in Bristol. It feels like in fact I'm being swarmed by liberal vegan agendas everywhere I go in Bristol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course there's a Buzzfeed article. I worked out on a 1950s fat jiggling machine and here's what happened. Of course that's an article on Buzzfeed. What was I thinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't, they didn't eat as much, I think. And also there wasn't fast food. Think about Starbucks. Starbucks didn't exist in the 50s, right? You couldn't walk in and get a giant pot of sugar this fucking big for four bucks or whatever. You'd just sit there for an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we also do less exercise-wise, right? I do, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I did feel like when I was at that point where I was picking up children a lot, my back muscles were pretty good. Now, like, my shoulders killing me, all I did was sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so glad you came up with something that could include all three of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because when you get there, you've achieved reaching like the edge of the world, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With strange plants and things, and it leads off, and you can see the glow down one end, there must be some lava, and then you go down there, and there's a huge chasm, and you can see the other side of it, you have to build a little bridge across and everything, and you're standing in this, this underground, previously untouched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, lava is the one you can put it in a bucket, and then you can put it on somewhere and it falls down like the worst waterfall ever. So, I'd like to go from bedrock and I would like to say lava is the most fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100%. You can't do anything without it. It's clearly an important block.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well my lava, my lava's gonna, my lava, literal lava lamps are gonna burn the house down if it's wood, so stone ahoy, stone me up. What about glass?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that the one you can just put a minecart on, right? So my daughter really loved making roller coasters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Righto, she was five. I said, this thing stinks! No, of course I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, uh, you build them, right? You put a sign over them saying or in here or whatever, like that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because the game can only represent it as a block.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when people have a pet that actively wants to escape and there's no domestication to it, it's like, oh yea, my fucking tarantula. If this tarantula could it would leave, it doesn't want anything to do with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't want cactuses around me. I don't like them near me. And for that reason, I don't want them in the list of the best things. Okay, that's fair enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I type in magma and the first result is magma cube. No, I just want to talk about actual magma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just really basic impetigo and then turned into just raging hellish impetigo, like everywhere. Just open sores, weeping and everything. It got so bad that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Sunday, we were just like, cause she was already on antibiotics and she'd been on them for a week. And, uh, it was meant to be getting better and you know, we're not doctors. We, we thought that perhaps it was getting better. And then Sunday morning she woke up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she just had like this huge, it's like, it's like all like the little sores just combined into one massive sore and we're like, God, this, this is not looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not right. We've never seen anything like this. We didn't really know what we were dealing with, but I mean, it was weeping like crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sheets on her bed and everything were just like covered in gunk and stuff like when she woke up in the morning and we're like, man, this, this, this cannot be right. Like this is maybe we're just used to it or something, but like we're going to have to take her to see the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then if they think they need to escalate, then you need to go to the hospital where they have an out of hours GP that works out of the hospital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So she's like, alright, well listen, I'm gonna need a second opinion from a pediatrician, because I've personally never seen a case this bad. Jesus. No, I know, I appreciate that, thanks very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, so she's, she had a chat with us, took a look at my daughter and everything, but all throughout my daughter's been...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In, in pretty good spirits, like she hasn't been like feverish, you know, she's not like, she wasn't listless or anything, she was still playing, like she was going outside, playing with like, uh, my son and everything, like she was kinda just doing normal things, just, just had like these crazy wounds all over, uh, that just weren't getting better, so uhm, so we're, you know, we're just chatting to the GP and she's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's not overly scared, but you go into A&E and there's people there with blood all over them and they're, and they're moaning and stuff. Like I felt like we just like stepped into like a war movie or something, you know? Like it was all, there's all fucking sorts going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at the sake of looking more professional and stuff as well, I think that's a big thing too. You know, they'll say like, oh, you know, it's, uh, it's not too bad. You're just missing two, two arms. Um, yeah, we can maybe give you some new ones. So, you know, like they usually will downplay it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like, uh, in her system as such, you know, it's still very on, on the skin, but it's not, it hasn't spread to her blood or anything. Otherwise she'd have like a massive temperature fever, uh, and then, you know, it could become sepsis. And we were just like, okay, well, that is really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so she's like, so he's like, well, we're going to have to admit her. So, um, you know, you'll need to make some arrangements. I was like, yeah, of course, went home and got her some stuff and everything. And then I had, so I had to stay at the hospital for a couple of days with her, like swapping over with my wife during the day and stuff. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we get up to the, we get to the ward and everybody, it's like, it's a, it's a children's ward, right? So everybody's super nice, like really helpful and everything. They're getting us snacks and everything. Cause it was like 10 o'clock at night by the time all this, like by the time we'd been through everything and spoken to everybody, it was pretty late. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was getting pretty tired, but you know, like she was still sort of like, you know, everything is, everything is new and kind of exciting or whatever, cause she's in the hospital and she's staying over and all this stuff. So the nurse comes in, she's like, you guys wanted some snacks or anything? Have you eaten? I was like, oh, I'll take anything. I'm starving sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been crazy, we've been so worried, but the nice part of it, if you can have a nice part of all this, was we had to just sit with her in a room. She was in an isolated room, which was quite nice too, because she was contagious, they didn't want her on the ward with, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had, they had, uh, iPads that they'd bring in, so as soon as the other iPad ran out of batteries, they'd have another one to swap in. She was watching TV on there, she was doing crosswords, like, we were, we were hiding like her teddy bears around the room and guessing where they were and stuff, and it was like, it was, it was really nice to just actually


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause when you have a lot of kids, you don't always get a ton of time to spend a ton of time with just one. So we, we managed to spend just a shitload of time with her, which was really good for her as well. I think she really enjoyed it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just, you're just hoping that it just clears up and it's finally now clearing up and it's actually really satisfying to see it clearing up, but then you're, you're thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but now that it's clearing up, even more so, she's back to, um, just being her, her, her usual self, which is, which is good, right? Cause you, when they're not themselves, you're just like, oh my God, please just come back to being yourself straight away. Like it's the worst, worst feeling. It's, it's just such a, such a worry, but it's nice that we seem to be like on the, on the right track now, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I haven't, I haven't watched much TV. I've heard very good things about it, actually. It's good. Yeah, I heard it was good as well, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That side of it doesn't bug me so much, it's just the tense, like, unknown, you know? The point I got to up in the game was when you go to the city and you're just kinda let...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're left to just go into all these big old abandoned office buildings and stuff. And that, that got me. I was just like, I just don't want to do this. Like all of, all of the buildings are like all empty and spooky and you can hear like zombies, you know, moaning and groaning around every corner and stuff. And I just thought, nah, I can't do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's another, uh, another show that they're apparently working on, I don't know much about it, but apparently they're working on a Fallout TV series as well, which will be another one based on a game. And then I guess the Witcher series is loosely based on a game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's based on the books more so, but I suppose you have imagery from games as well to compare to what you're seeing in the show or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I got an example. I got an example for you. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Here's some good old time Wild West stories that have been tarnished. No, I'm just joking. It was amazing. That was good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With The Last of Us, uhm, most of the opinions I've seen of it are from people who I know have played the game, because most of the people that I follow on Twitter and stuff like that are gamers. But I have read as well that even for people who haven't read the game, the show is just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'm like the last of us, in the sense that I'm like one of the last people to actually play the game, cause I found the start of it kind of too scary to carry on, you know? I am the last of us, cause I haven't played- Well done! Yeah, do you like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is garbage. Hey listen, I was lying before when Flaxxy said, have you watched much TV? And I said no, but actually I have watched a little bit of TV. Not the kind of TV that you guys would think either. I was in the hospital of course for a couple of days. So I've been watching, my daughter is really into this show called Miraculous right now. Have you ever seen it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a French, I think it originated as a French kids show about superheroes. Okay. The lead superhero is a girl who turns into Ladybug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cat Noir, which is of course, black cat. I see this. A cat girl. And he looks like a young whippersnapper who dresses up like a cat, batman, cat man sort of thing. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A kids show, but I mean, it's interesting enough. Like I didn't actually find it impossible to watch. Like, uh, I found myself at times actually asking my daughter questions about how everything hung together because there's a couple of like little underlying storylines that are kind of interesting. So listen to this. Okay. Try to wrap your heads around this one. Okay. I'm ready. When ladybug isn't ladybug. Okay. When she's just a normal girl, she's in love with, uh, this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She can't do the link, right? She doesn't know that it's him, because she just has no concept that it could be him, sort of thing. And Cat Noir is in love with Ladybug, okay? But not with her as a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So she's in love with him as a boy and he's in love with her as a superhero. And so there's times where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cat Noir, for example, will visit the girl just as a girl, you know, because she, she just happens to get into like lots of like, uh, you know, scrapes and whatever. And, uh, and, and he'll be like not interested in her at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And likewise for her sort of thing, he'll, she'll just be like, no, I'm not interested or whatever. But then when he's just a boy, she's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Head over heels in love with them sort of thing, and then when she's a superhero, he's the same, he's just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Father, but he doesn't know this either, so the boy that turns into Cat Noir, his dad, is the big bad guy called


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, sure, sure. And uh, and so what he does is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He kind of like, um, corrupts moths. Okay. So they'd start off as like these like, you know, white normal looking moths and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's scanning Paris for people who are pissed off for some reason, and then when he detects that somebody has some sort of grievance or whatever, he sends out one of these corrupted moths to them, the corrupted moth lands on them and then turns them into a supervillain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Temporarily, they don't realize what they're doing, but all of a sudden they have a link into this guy and he can order them around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His big thing is that he wants to get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous, which is what gives them their super powers. So on Ladybug it's like earrings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like a little jewelry box or a yo-yo. It's like a yo-yo with a box and she can capture...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The corrupted moth in it and then it transforms it back to an uncorrupted moth. But then, very satisfyingly, magic comes out of this, uh, process and turns everything that was ruined by their fighting and whatever in Paris back to normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they just carry on with their lives until the next episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, not the one I remember watching the most when I was younger, because I had a younger brother, he was 6 years younger, and he was really into the Thomas the Tank Engine one that was narrated by Ringo Starr, you know, the one with the little models.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's almost like, like little, it's for little kids, but teenagers, you could imagine watching it as well for like the sort of like almost romance aspects of it or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If my kids are watching it, I don't mind it being on, I don't actually mind it too much. I would never seek it out on my own, though. I wouldn't be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interested enough to go back and watch episodes on my own sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I'd say like the first two or three episodes of that show are, I find tedious because it's, it's all the, the introductions and, and like the, their, their weddings, but it's, it's two strangers getting married sort of thing. So it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the interesting bits of the show are when the drama starts, you know, like the people start screaming at each other at the dinner tables.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he was in EastEnders, uhm, he was, uh, Steve, uh, was it Steve? He was in EastEnders, which, uh, which gave him another big burst of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the world has changed and they've accepted Will Young, that's for sure. People like him now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a lot of that on the most recent celebrity SAS. I'd say like 85% of them were just people from reality shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After the reality show is done, they just go out and they look for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I remember they were advertising that a lot during the World Cup, but I never watched it. I've heard that it's actually pretty good, but I just, uh... Lots of people have watched it now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big Brother was the same, but I don't know if you remember when Big Brother was on and popular. The US Big Brother was, uh, was completely different. Like they were allowed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were allowed to game the game, they were allowed to make strategies, they were allowed to talk about the actual game side of Big Brother, whereas the UK one they weren't allowed, like it was-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like those civil war, uh, you know, recreation weekends or whatever, you know, like when they, when they recreate the battles and, and do like some RP and stuff like that. I feel like an important part of that is if you get shot, uh, you have to like lay down and pretend to be dead or wounded, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have seen it a couple of times. My kids also like this other one. It's like, uh, I can't remember what it's called, but basically people make desserts, but they look like real life objects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So somebody has to make a dessert that looks exactly like a sandpale, and then they'll put it with five other sandpales, and then there's like a panel that have to guess which one is the actual edible dessert, and the guy has to like cut it with a knife. I can't remember what the show's called. What is a sandpale? It's like a bucket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a sand bucket. Or, you know, there's like a, I think one of the episodes I watched was definitely beach themed because there was like a conch and like some other beach stuff. But there's all sorts of different ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very American shot. Yeah, it doesn't make me feel great. It's on, you know. It's like, it's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I think anything is fine if you're watching it with people and like, it's like the same way that me and my wife watch Married at First Sight, The Apprentice, like we're watching it together and we're making fun of people and we're having a laugh and that in itself makes the show fun. But I wouldn't just seriously


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've been talking about TV almost the whole time, but I still have some things to mention almost, uh, before we wrap up about TV, other TV I've been watching that's not kids related. I watched a really nice documentary on the Proclaimers, which I know of, but I don't know much about, and uh, it was really good, really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think they're rock. It's weird, I never thought of them as a punk band, but a lot of what they are and stand for kind of fit into the ethos of punk, which is interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another thing that was quite nice about them and it mentions in the, uh, in the documentary, uhm, they say like, oh, you know, when you do a show, uhm, are you a band that will just do new material? Like, do you get sick of, uh, of doing the old stuff or, or what? And they're like, oh God, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but I, I just, I just found that, I just, I found them very straightforward, really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like not, like no, uh, you know, they, they, they weren't like these like overly charismatic, like, you know, like you think that there's something going on behind the scenes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're very much like what you see is what you get, but in like the nicest way. Like they, they just seem like really nice guys who have just really, really passionate about the stuff that they do and they just keep going and they enjoy it still. And, uh, it's just, just really interesting. Like a lot of it, they just did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of their songs, apologies because I can't remember the name of it, is a big football chant as well for, I can't remember the club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I can't remember the club's name, but they're big supporters of the club and they love the fact that when they go watch a match.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, uh, that, that their song is, is sung by all these people that they, you know, they're, they're like their town, like they, they, they know people and they just think it's incredible that they've made this song. And it's now a huge part of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the one, yeah. That's the one. It's quite a slow song, but it just works really well as a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been an interesting little week, because P-Flax, you came down. I did. And Sips, you stayed under the rock. I stayed under


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we had, uh, we had a good time with me when Purion was done. I had a great time. We played Bolt Action. We did. Which will go out in probably three months time when it finally gets some editing, cause it's a bit of a fiddle. It's always a fiddle doing the little tiny man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we, we did a Dota tournament, which was exhilarating. It was, it was great. Very stressful. There's been a new patch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I love it now, like, I love not having to, because I'm old, and arthritic, and I don't have the quick twitch reflexes, and also people just get angry with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're people who wanna play with me, get angry with me. I'm such, it's like when they're playing with Pyrrhon or something, it's like, he hates it. He hates it. He just, it changes his view of me, you know? Whereas, if I like, sound smart when I'm doing the casting, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's quite nice, I mean when I'm playing Dota as well I'm concentrating, I'm not like making jokes, I'm not like having fun, you know, whereas when I'm watching someone else play bad, or even not that bad, like better than I would, you know, even the worst games we watch, the people we're watching are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly doing things that are better than me. And I'm like, why is he doing that? You know, I'm like, oh, what a terrible play. You know, and I'm, and I'm, I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Secretly in the back of my head I'm like, I probably would have done that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would hope it was making me better at the game, you know, but I don't know if it is, you know? I think a lot of people watch stuff online assuming it's gonna make them better, and it must do to some extent. Like, my game knowledge must have increased a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Faceless Void runs faster than Shadow Shaman or whatever, without boots, and so they know that they can punch people down. Whereas I've never lifted a finger to learn any of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I also, I don't, I don't want to be that guy that's casting, right? I don't want to be that. I'm not good at it, and I'm not, it's almost like if someone had to listen to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in the day, I guess this is where this comes from, in a sense, like people doing radio of the game, right? So you listen to the radio version of the football match. The play-by-play, yeah. The play-by-play, and so, I feel like I'm not, but I also feel like it adds just a level of base excitement, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes period will like pick up his vape and I'll hear like the hiss of a vape and I'm like, okay, I've got talk for the next minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've got like this window where period's most excited thing he's gonna do is cough smoke everywhere, you know, if something interesting happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people do manage to get wrapped into it, they get sucked in, and they're just in a different world when they're casting, and yeah, I love that. Whereas I'm always just not quite sure what's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they strike you as so professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the other secret is being edited, right? Like, you know, this is how most...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throwing stuff out there and seeing what sticks and guessing and just, just cause, cause you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in the moment, or anything, I don't care, I'm just gonna throw stuff out. Like Triforce we don't cut very much, I don't think, for this, you know, as you can tell from this long meandering conversation about nothing. This is very Triforce. So no, we had a great time, P-Flex, it was really nice to see you, we played a few of your games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, actually P-Flax, that didn't annoy me at all. And you know what, I was just as annoyed because I thought that pizza was fucking shit. But I didn't want to upset-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had just, I had talked to JD, and he said, I love this vegan pizza place, you should try it, it's called Purezza, um, I always order from there, and he's vegan at the moment, and a couple of other people were as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so when I asked everyone, everyone I asked, even you, you, I think you just said you were, you were like, no, I think you shrugged when I said. We were, I was tired. I was hungover and so... Exactly, so I don't think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I checked, right, and then- You didn't ask me whether I wanted vegan pizza, I will say that. No, but, they only had it, and I thought it would be fine, and I was disappointed and annoyed. I think you can't hit people that aren't used to vegan cheese, you can't hit them with it. It's too- I could not be annoyed with you. It's too much. If anything, I was annoyed at myself, Pflac, so you don't- I was not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the pizza took ages to arrive, and there wasn't really enough of it, even though it wasn't very good, everyone just like, it was like, it was gone, you know. Um, and there were more people sticking around than I expected as well, because like, I expected it, I ordered like three pieces, six of us, and then four more people turned up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was annoyed. He was annoyed. He told everyone. No, I was, I was annoyed, yea. Oh, he was. I misread the situation then. Apologies. So, but, I, I, I was also understanding to some extent, but I think it was just like, uhm, there were a few moments


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did, and you know what, it worked out fine. As, as, just, just through sheer luck, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's air-conditioned, yea, it's air-conditioned. It's quite, it's fine. That's fine, that's fine. But, so in lieu of staying up late to play the board game, I think Pyrrha wanted to make up for the fact that it took till 10pm to get to the pub, and so of course, um, Pyrrha stayed up till 4.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unforgivable. And I can't be, I can't even be mad about him staying up til 4am or whatever, because that's fine, but I think what, what ha- cause we booked you pretty solid, right, when you were down. Yeah, yeah. And you had a podcast the next morning. Yes. And you cancelled it at like 1am. Yes, I messaged


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's just, it's like that. And so you talk to everyone and they're like, man, I never miss a recording. Who, who's the guy who flakes out? And I'm like, yes, you do. You miss like one in eight recordings because that's what happens. You know, it's like, oh yeah, maybe I do actually. Cause stuff happens, you know, like you've got to take, take your cat to the vet or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got some dentist appointment or some shit, you know, or brandy or something's going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's just being realistic. So it's weirdly, um, it's, it weirdly works out though. We almost always get seven, which is the nice, the nice round number for, for these games where there's two traitors and five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we're prepared for this, because we're used to it with certain other people who are sometimes just not feeling it. Like, certain people we record with quite often have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Self-inflicted though, right? Most people, when they've got something the day after, they're not like staying out till four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love to, I'd love for her to correct us, like a little bit in the background, cause we say a lot of dumb stuff. It's true. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We say a lot of stupid things, and we need some elders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Flax calls me Chris sometimes. It's weird though, because most people do not call me that. I do, I call you that when I'm around your family, but only about half the time. It feels like only when I remember that that's actually your name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get it, I totally get that, because if someone came into my chat and asked me, you know, where's this guy that I like more? Exactly. They're not asking that, but it kind of sounds like that. No, no, no, they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love if everyone left your chat as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys wanna hear, so Sam Morris, who is our podcast producer, shoutout to Sam, he's put together a little list for me of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorted gaming and pop culture news from the last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the first article is, uh, a man named, or a lady maybe, named Voskuil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got some vintage Nintendo playing cards. Now of course Nintendo made


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pressed together for so long, that they had just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No! Oh, no. Holy shit, that's unfortunate. You could've made a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's almost like, it's a bit ironic because the only card that's visible is the joker, um, effectively. So it's kind of like, this is what happens with old stuff though, isn't it? Like, I guess it must have, it must have been...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the latest in this trend of, you know, playing cards and unboxing and things of value, you know, in the Pokemon card trend, you know, people are getting Nintendo cards from the 50s, you know, thinking that they're gonna be the ones that get cracked open. Alright, next. Uhm, Iowa State Fair's big


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bore contest, okay, is a thing that happens every year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do they do? Big, big boar? Big boar. So like, they bring, they feed up boars to be as big as they possibly can. Okay. And the heaviest boar...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry about the pig, it's gonna be eaten anyway. Marv Rytima 73 of Sioux Centre bought his pig, Peewee, at an auction last summer. He was £950. Jesus, that's expensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. What is that in kilos? That's half a ton. 400 kilos. 450. And he gained another £170 by the time Marv showed him at the city fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's raised pigs nearly all his life and started by adding dried milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In fact, he had a really picky taste, and he would only eat very high sugar stuff. And so, Marv picked up a bunch of out of date donuts, that were due to be tossed away, um, from Casey's Bakery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he turns out that the pig really loves cream-filled long johns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, every week, right, he would drive past the store and fetch up to 25 pounds of donuts, uhm, with gallons of fresh creamy milk from a nearby dairy farm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been incredibly expensive having to get this stuff, says Marv. It's not a cheap hobby, but what hobby is? Uhm, and so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, a typical meat pig is £280, but this one this year was £1300.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your little piglets are so cute, man, holy crap. They are, they are. Reminds me of the Goblin King from Lord of the Rings, that big fat emperor of all the goblins, um, with all the chins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From Lord of the Rings? Must be from The Hobbit, in fact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. It has got those moments, yeaah. Uhm. What did you think, Lewis? I liked it. I liked Matt Smith as the- Oh, not Matt Smith. Oh, fucking hell. He's actually good, he's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was okay in that. Honestly, House Dragon, I'm big into Game of Thrones. You know, I've been playing a miniatures game on the weekends. I went to this local village hall. Did I tell you this, to play this miniatures game? Um, it was just me and two old men. Yes! And it was very weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, it was fine. Me and Ben's friend played the song advice to five inches game. It was good. No, we... I'm into the... There's only one episode so far, so we'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sam actually added this to the notes. He says, there's a bit in the show where people talk about, like, how you, oh, you smell like dragon. Kinda have a shower kind of thing. And the other ones are like, they talk about what dragons smell like a couple of times. It's a bit weird. And then everyone on the internet has been trying to ask scientists what, uhm, dragons smell like. And so apparently,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the strongest smell associated with Komodo dragons and bats is urine. Which smells like, but also some give off an odour of burnt oranges, fungus and corn tortillas. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so, and the other thing is about, because Komodo dragons, they eat raw meat, right? Right. Uhm, which is obviously different to the smell that you would get from the barbecued or flame-grilled meat that I guess the dragons eat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so there's not really an animal that eats charred meat, you know, that we have a comparison for, you know, because even dinosaurs would eat raw meat, right, like a carnivore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I reckon it's Soulful. They haven't even written this in the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a bunch of ass. Just, just a little bit of that Pet Shop smell. Like that, you know? Like, absolutely juiced up Pet Shop smell. Oh yea, to the max.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else we got in this stupid list?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a black hole that people have been analysing the audio from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Okay. And, you know how like, the video games make these black holes and things sound like that? Baaahm, like that kind of instict, baaahm, like the dark insertion kind of sound of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, maybe we could put the sound in here and I can like, I'll just play it to you as well, hang on, let me link you this. Send us a link.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So people, this is a misconception, this is a part of this tweet, which is from NASA. From NASA exoplanets. It's probably accurate. It says, the misconception is that there is no sound in space because most space is a vacuum. However, a galaxy cluster has so much gas that sound can travel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I right guys? Isn't it crazy? It sounds like some sort of eldritch horror, doesn't it? It does! Like a sort of terrifying, dark... a lot of people are comparing it to the Mass Effect Reapers, you know. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strange sound. Yeah, it's, so the initial sound actually is so incomprehensibly low, right? Um, that it's so deep that they've had to move it nearly 60 octaves up. Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 60 octaves, that's like, that's like 10 pianos, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well of course, yeah. So there's no way that Huwards could actually even register...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The unrelated sound waves, but they do exist and they are so deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind when they go somewhere really alien on Earth, like, for example, there's a couple of really weird landscapes near volcanoes, or, y'know, in the desert. What about like those salt flats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That to me seems like some alien planet. I don't mind that as much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you said, it has to be enough that it doesn't piss you off, it'll take you out of it, right? Or it's like, come on, give me a break. So yeaah. Well there you go. That was uhm, that was our Triforce podcast for the day. Uh, thank you, thank you for listening. You know, you don't annoy us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, alright, we love you. See you next week. Peace!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you worry, dude. I get back-seated a lot when I'm playing games, especially Tarkov, because everyone thinks they know how to play Tarkov, and apparently I do it wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Several thousand dollars worth of brightly coloured animal themed outfits at a particular kind of convention smiley winking face


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, hear the, of course, perfect podcast being listened to in such a godforsaken way. And of course, take your comments about us in jest. For real, so thank you to the three of you, uh, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it must also be very rewarding, because if you're working for a big company, you're essentially working to make the people that are extremely rich already slightly richer. Like that's essentially your job, is to pay your salary and make very wealthy people slightly richer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't think where the other one would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says the Palace of Holyrood House and Hillsborough Castle in Northern Ireland. So I guess you've got to do all four. I don't know. Either way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from, this is, I'm gonna get this lad's name, uhm, this guy's name is Biata


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He says, I'm about to become a dad for the first time, an interesting turn of events given my grotesquely tiny penis, but a welcome one for sure. I was wondering if you could get Lewis, with him being the only non-dad of the podcast, to give me some advice for my new upcoming role. So Lewis, and then Sips, you're gonna critique.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna give us just, just a brief bit of, just like a one minute little monologue. Uh, I'll, I'll cue you in. Uh, advice about becoming a dad for the first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, okay, here we go. This is, uh, this might be a bit nuts. This is from, from, uh, Hello Triforce, my name is Jazzy, and I've been a long time Yorke's fan and Triforce listener. I work for Child Protective Services in the US. While most cases are just petty neighbors or divorced parents making mountains out of molehills, or moleholes is what they've written here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I suppose magic is quite sweet, but uhm, Link and Ganon, I mean Zelda, Link and Ganon. Robin Williams started off, didn't he call, uh, his daughter's name is Zelda? Zelda Williams, I think that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is there any other name in history? This is definitely something we've spoken about before. I'm getting serious, serious, uh, triforce deja vu here. Is there any other name in history where you think, I mean, Genghis springs to mind as a name that you could


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which thoroughly rakes through your clothes. I add a 10 centimeter thorn pierced the sole of my thick leather boot and stab into my foot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt something tapping my head, and looked up, I saw a 23 centimeter desert centipede scuttle at speed into a crevasse. Look these things up!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At night in our tents we would hear the coyote packs running through camp and in the mornings we would find cow carcasses with hunks of flesh still attached to the bone. Even though my job is nothing like Indiana Jones, some aspects like the snakes ring true. Keep up the good work and wish me luck in the field. Good luck, Tristan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I feel like the voice recognition is that you say alarm and then it just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It flubs it a lot when you're asking it. Like I'm like, Alexa, can you set an alarm for 7.30 every weekday except Fridays when I want it to be 8.30? And it goes, setting alarm for tomorrow, 8.30. It's like, the fuck. So I don't know if it's my accent or I don't enunciate or it just doesn't hear me or whatever, but I wish it would say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, what was that last part? You know, just, just ask for some clarification, cause sometimes it just has a goal, and then you're like, fucking fine. Alexa, cancel all alarms, you gotta start again. It's just, it's just not very smart. Just smarten it up. Right, smarten it up. It's been around long enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because the only thing it's got going for it is I can just talk to it and it will sometimes do what I ask it. That's it. That's essentially the selling point of Alexa is it just sits in your house and listens to everything you say, uh, even though it says it doesn't. It does, I'm sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you ask it to do stuff and it quite often flubs what you've asked it to do, or it does something that you could have done in two seconds anyway. So it's kind of just redundant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well done, Lord Sugar. Alright, let's move on. Let's move on. This is from Ryan. Uhm, I was saddened recently to hear that one of my fellow countrymen had written to you in criticism of beans on toast. He's an American by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The half American breakfast, which is eggs, sausage, home fries, or hash browns, and beans on toast. There's nothing better, although the Heinz curry flavoured beans aren't really worth $5 a can. This is getting very specific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are, but not as sweet as the American ones, I think is his point. Uh, so he's saying that any country that gave the world the culinary delights of meatloaf, grits and cheese whiz should on occasion step out from behind their cheeseburgers and apple pie to appreciate what else the wide world has to offer. You're sincerely Ryan. Thank you, Ryan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say, let me think, a big, big tablespoon of that into your beans when they're cooking, mix it all through. You get amazing barbecue beans and, uh, that's the best. So add a little bit of a salt lick barbecue sauce. This podcast is not brought to you by Salt Lick, other barbecue sources. It's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So not so much criticism, so much as pointing out some very ordinary things from what is a coordinates, it's a very ordinary place. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My work is specifically focused on how to grow meat in a lab. We call meat grown this way, cultivated meat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so everybody, my vision of where silk comes from is that they had like racks of these little bugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some kind of spool that just pulled the silk out of them. They, they grow the silkworms, and as soon as they start to go into cocoon form,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, this is from, uh, Gia. Uhm, Dippirin, you asked about what babies' first words are in other countries. This is on another episode we did, where we were saying that dada and mama seem like the most common. Yeah. Uh, my baby is four months younger than Sipsy's youngest, and she's half Norwegian and half Vietnamese. That's quite an unusual mix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Source, I'm Chinese. Nice. Okay. So they say baba instead of dada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a, this one's from Ed. This is about something that you said recently, Lewis. Uh oh. Being called out. Uh oh. Uh, I think, I think we may all have commented on this, but uhm, I, I seem to remember it being Lulu. Uhm, my name is Ed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cause my mate sent that to me. There is a three-bedroom flat for sale in Euston Road. It is above, uhm, the, the St. Pancras, uh, King's Cross St. Pancras station. Right. Uh, it is a ten million pound flat, three-bedroom. Uh, but it looks pretty amazing. Anyway, there's the track if you guys wanna give that a listen. If you guys wanna... Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have been playing around with OpenAI's ChatGPT and thought the following would be good to share. I entered the following prompt. Write a poem about three friends, Sips, Lewis, and Pflux, and their podcast, The Tripos Podcast. Sips has another issue with his bass plug, Lewis struggling to get another personal trainer, and Perian is busy answering the bloody door. ChatGPT came up with the following.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is one more email, I don't know if you guys want to hear it. It is quite a long one, so I think we could finish on that. It is a guy ranting about the game of checkers and how people don't take it seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a question I've had a lot because a lot of nerds who love chess find it easy to shit on checkers, claiming it's an easier game and they end up rubbing their noses at it. This pisses me off because the reasons they give are, to be frank, not good reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A chess is a far more complicated game to solve, but people are not computers. Having two people play checkers against each other can require an incredible amount of skill in reading the other's moves and seeing potential plans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if the game is solved by a computer, it does not mean that human can ever learn every single play in checkers. No one is saying that, AJ. No one is saying that human beings, because checkers has been solved, that that means it's redundant. Okay, no one is saying that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From a functional standpoint, there isn't much difference unless we get people shoving cheating devices up their arses during tournaments. I can't believe there are checkers tournaments, first of all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most famous and well-regarded checkers player and mathematician Marion Tinsley famously played a match and after seeing the opponent play a piece said, you're going to regret that and of course won. They later found out the only way Tinsley would be able to know his win was guaranteed at that point was to see roughly 64 moves ahead in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't see how that has anything to do with the difficulty of a game, as there are plenty of games with simple rules that are incredibly challenging, such as Go. A big problem with checkers perception is that people don't have the highest opinion of it, there aren't as many people playing it, and really not many people playing it at a high level,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the issue with Monopoly is, it kind of requires your opponents to play suboptimally for your optimal strategy to work, because you're not gonna, unless you get very lucky,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, that's a fun game. That's a fun game. I've played a lot of that now. I'm still terrible at it, but I have played a lot of it. I play against the computer a lot, and it always beats me by like four or five points. It's very frustrating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see if we can get in touch with, with like the tourism. I want the tourism board of Wisconsin to get in touch. Oh, right. And defend their state. Let's hear it. Let's hear it from Wisconsin officials, not just plebs that live in Wisconsin. I want the king of Wisconsin to come at us, official. The king.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Punic Wars, mate? Oh yea, which do you prefer, Gov, second or third? I mean first, obviously, you know, you've gotta love that, but second or third Punic War, which one is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good lord. Is it like routinely a drop of blood will roll down your face?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let's, no that's, I'm sure you will be, you will be familiar with these guys. They don't have to be superheroes, they can be villains from anything. So obviously we gotta, we gotta put Darth Vader on the list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, basically when his programming is complete, becomes a good guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, that's literally been a defense that people have used for killing someone, as I was not in my right mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I ate salmon last night, am I evil because I essentially paid someone to murder and prepare that fish for me? That's pretty evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cruella de Vil. Oh wait wait wait, so are we gonna go reality here, or is this purely fiction?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but that's not real. What I'm saying is, we're not gonna take real life characters, are we? Would you say he's more of an arsehole than Kujo? Yes, I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, that's what I'm saying, if we're gonna go into reality, no fictional character is as bad as someone who actually did this stuff in real life, so we gotta stick to fiction, otherwise it gets silly. It's gonna get too silly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about a bad guy in a comedy movie? Because quite often comedy movies are driven by a bad guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, the T1000 was the liquid metal one. So yeaah, sorry, the T1000. I was thinking of the T, what was it, 500? The army one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you've got, uh, Pennywise the Clown is quite recent because they remade it, you know, about, what, six years ago. Maybe it was more recent than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well they called them video nasties, didn't they? And there was like a big push to ban them and a whole bunch of them in the 80s were literally banned. Like can you imagine a film being banned nowadays? Like it's not possible really because of the internet as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was Abel Ferrara, who was like, went on to be considered quite a sort of good director, but it's absolutely bonkers. I've seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, let me tell you, once you've watched it, and there are a lot of Hellraiser movies, it gets scarier because you go into hell, it's just, it's horrifying. And if you watch the first Hellraiser movie,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like a schlock, it's not schlocky and sort of like played for laughs or meant to be like, Oh my God, they're behind you. It's genuinely horrifying. Like his, this guy has been reduced to like a little blob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I'm saying is, there's a, there's a non-zero chance that it's real, right? There is, there is, in an infinite universe, there is a very tiny chance it's real, and you could end up there. That's pretty scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me look it up. Let me look it up. Cause there's a new movie coming out. It was 1988.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin', uh, Disney Plus. Wow. The new Willow thing. New series or a movie or something. Yeaah. So they, they, obviously there's a fan base for it. I, I am a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will be honest with you, I loved it as a kid because there was no Lord of the Rings movie and this was as close as you got to something like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yes, yes, yes, no, it was William Atherton, it was the same guy, he was, he was Walter, I think it was Walter Peck in Pinguist Busters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thought he was, but instead, it was the most brilliant, even as not a fan of the Harry Potter trilogy, his, his plot, his, the threads of his sort of character are the pinnacle of the entire thing. So good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think he was corrupted by Sauron, who, I mean essentially it all comes from Sauron, you know, he says, uh, no, we have to join with him, you know, he's like, we're not gonna beat him, we gotta join with him, like he's made a conscious decision, but essentially Sauron is the ultimate evil in that universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can understand his point, you know, they're literally on the verge of annihilation and he saves a bunch of them. I don't think Magneto is a villain in the same way that, uh, Lex Luthor is, who just seems to be an absolute piece of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they've got, she's got three or four old people to look after in this bed. I think it's four. And they've all taken to their beds. They haven't stood up in years. They've just taken to their beds. She's there grinding away. She looks like shit. Even though, you know, you can tell that she's just being beaten down by this. Charlie is almost giving up. He's, but he's got this dream of getting the golden ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The kids, they're products of their environment. I'm not going to judge a child because they're obnoxious. I mean, what was her name? Uh, oh, the fucking, the little girl Beauregard. Veruca Salt. Veruca Salt, right. She was a piece of shit, but her dad spoiled her rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he's terrible. Action movie. I've got Hans Gruber. What else have we got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] However, I will say this, uhm, again,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nurse Ratchet's a good shout. I think we have to put her, yeaah, from, uh, one floor over the kitchen there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a racist, xenophobic piece of shit and a murderer, so yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that film is amazing. It really is. But it's like, the book is amazing, and the job that they did...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The push of the, the story was about, uh, the, the, the sheriff, not anybody else. He was the main character, really. Uhm, I mean, the film's even called No Country for Old Men, you know, and he's sort of winding down and thinking, what the fuck has happened? It's gone so crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, what a, what a movie. And it's honestly. So sorry. So we've gone for Immortan Joe, especially he kept a bunch of women in prison so that he could have babies with them. And all of those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, for superhero, we've got Thanos, Magneto, and Lex Luthor. I kinda wanna take Magneto out for the reasons I stated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did have a logic. I mean, he was the protagonist of his story. He thought he was doing the right thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedy. Comedy. It's a toss-up between Biff Tannen and Anton DuBec.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I guess Dr. Evil could- Don't you feel it's also kinda played out? There's something about Biff Tannen. One million dollars!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, so are we gonna say Tannen because he was more of a bastard, Lumberg was just a fucking idiot. Yea, Lumberg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna go with Beth. The next one is tricky. We got John Doe from Seven. That was Kevin Spacey's character in Seven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Alright, so, alright lads, this is the list, okay? We got Palpatine, Pinhead,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joffrey. Grandpa Joe. Immortan Joe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you've got to figure at some point they have to go away, otherwise it's essentially a terrible punishment being a force ghost, because you will be around until the heat death of the universe and when it all just splits apart and you're just floating around thinking what was this all for? It must become a point where you die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking meathead. Just a bullying, egotistical, meathead, piece of dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, uh, and eventually of course in the original movie becomes kind of placated and sort of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He killed, uh, three Mexicans in the hotel. He killed the two Mexican drug baron guys. He killed the guy who was also in office space in his office. He killed the desk clerk at the hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good morning everyone. Welcome. Welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Sips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is the news. This is what, the third time he's, um, he's the first time he was arrested was for the hunter that asked the Ukraine guy to check out Biden or whatever, right? Was he actually arrested for that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we still managed to get away with these with a slap on the wrist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this one again feels like, to me, like, he's just gonna say, uh, well, you know, my legal advice, this is what I was told, you know, my financial people were dealing with it, it wasn't me, you know, I didn't know I was breaking the law, you know, poor me, and he'll just throw


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's just gonna, I mean the thing is like, yes he's been arrested, but looking at the charges it's like, for financial finagling, you know, it does feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not gonna see a jail cell ever, and... You know, uhm, God, it's the ongoing saga of Trump, isn't it? Like, do you know what? It does feel a little bit...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, because of the whole, his whole angle was like, from 2016, it was like, lock her up, lock Hillary up, lock her up, like 2017, 2018, lock her up, and then like 2020, it's like, lock up Biden. Like, lock him up. Like, the whole time, he's been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Glamouring for his opponents to be arrested for their, for their, for their sort of minor... I don't even know what he was saying they'd done, was it emails? God knows, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of funny though. I think that the real thing is that people watch him on telly and so they feel like, it's like the Jeremy Clarkson effect, you know. You know he's a cunt, but he's pretty funny to watch on telly sometimes. I suppose so, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, the stacker system are terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do not even, do not even get me started on the stacker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have I talked about this before, but I live in my apartment place, we've got a stacker system with the cars and, you know, the idea is that, I guess when it was built 20 years ago, or 30 years ago, it was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a great way to save space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not as bad, but it is happening. Sure, there's this idea that, like, they're safer. Like, there's this whole problem, I watched a video on it on YouTube yesterday, by this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fairly compelling guy, but he was just talking about how a bunch of situations where it's cheaper to like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Massively disproportionately affecting people who can afford it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone in my fancy apartment complex where I live has a massive fucking Land Rover, right? And they drive it onto the stacker and it's just too heavy and it instantly fucking breaks it, right? Every day. But they're not going to stop using the stacker because that's the only place to park, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think maybe it would be a good idea if it wasn't for this, like, issue of, of, uh, giganto cars, uhm, everyone has. But, I think it's just- I was intrigued that you described-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some of them I absolutely can't fucking stand, and they irritate me so much with their take on things. But some of them are making really good content, mainly when they don't focus on themselves too much. They're just a narrator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they put together, I've watched a really good one about, cause there's this long documentary on Netflix about DB Cooper, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Russian, some Russian agent got on board and crashed in, you know, Kazakhstan or something. It was absolute nonsense, but it's sort of presented as...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As fact, just because it's done lazily and, oh god, like, I think that the, I mean, I think basically that like, I watched,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it was, it wasn't like, it wasn't like scattered with unnecessary, I don't mind a little bit of talking to the people related to the, to the story. Like, you know, like, but it does feel a bit like sadness porn sometimes when you go through all of the crying friends of people who, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of which are genuine sufferers, and some of which are just fucking random people who wanna have a bit of screen time. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd honestly be shocked if politics didn't set you up for, like, it does sound like wooly now I'm saying it, but I feel like it's not actually that bad, right? It's not like you don't do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess, I guess it's like studying a subject that's quite hard. And then people will recruit you just because they know that you're able to learn and deal with complicated issues and then like fix stuff out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does feel like that to me, even though we have a pretty heavy disdain for politics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was, I remember, this was a long time ago now, but wasn't there, like, I think it was Belgium who didn't have a government for like, two years. That sounds about right. That sounds like a very Belgian thing to do, right? And I don't know whether they were fine or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess what I'm saying is, a lot of the time, the government is doing stuff, putting forward laws, putting forward, you know, putting forward other stuff. It feels like sometimes as many good ones are put forward as bad ones, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I, cause I don't know what laws are going through parliament at the moment. Maybe cause they're just, but I think it's cause they're boring. Um, and I'm not saying that, I'm not saying that we should make up laws just for the fun of it, but that's how our media is set up. What if, what if legislation always ended?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who believes in their, that's right, yeaah, that's true. If they don't really believe in their side, they're not gonna have that rocky spirit, are they?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents got a book called Stephen Beatseed's, I can't even say his surname, Incredible Cross Sections. It was this huge book, and it was like, it would show like the titanic


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which is, um, Randall Monroe's, the guy who wrote, um, XKCD, he wrote a book called Thing Explainer, which is basically, it's, it's, it's a really cool concept. So the idea is, is that he's only using a vocabulary of the 1000 most common words, right? And so


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For example, a microwave isn't that, it's a food heating radio box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in a sense, like actually, it's kind of funny but also silly, but also


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of hard sometimes to work it out, work out backwards what he's, what words he's used. Cause it's almost too used to seeing like, you know, these complicated words that when you try and break them down, you almost have to like do a little bit of like, well I do anyway, have to like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be like, what the fuck does this mean? Even though it's like really simple, right? Like stuff inside us, right? How do you, how do you explain like cells or whatever, you know? Like tiny, small living things inside us. It's, yeah, it's like kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really interesting. Um, but yeaah, someone sent me a copy of that. I've got, that's kind of a modern, I don't know, that's just reminded me of the old, the old book I used to have when I was a kid. Yeaah, I loved, I loved that. Stephen Beatty. It's a very science museum purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today's sponsor is ExpressVPN. When you go to the bathroom, you always close the door behind you, right? You don't want random people watching what you're doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I use ExpressVPN when I'm browsing online to protect my online privacy. Your ISP knows every single website you visit and everything you type in and they will sell this information to ad companies and tech giants


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] is protected and all you have to do is fire up the ExpressVPN app


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely worse places in the UK. Look, Blackpool is the worst at the moment, I think. It's a real place that's run down, a lot of drug problems, a lot of, like, major systemic problems, and the very low, like, life expectancy for people living there. Really? In Blackpool? Yeah, it's like, yeah, Blackpool is like, it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Mississippi, apparently. It is, Mississippi State. Yeah, and then West Virginia right next to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 74.4. 74.4. West Virginia! The highest life expectancy in 2019, can you guess? Japan. It is Japan. Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking about states still. Oh, what state? Uh, Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is actually, it is California and Hawaii tied. I don't know where Maine is, I can't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, maybe it's too small for this fucking graph. It is a small little state. But yea, like, certainly the south US has more problems. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, sorry, just before we carry on. Talking about dying, but going back to birthing, what do you think about the idea of the panspermia cum bubble hypothesis from space?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, not necessarily even from another world. I think when you have complex


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From another world. In space you can get this, uhm, these things called tholins, which are like organic compounds that come from cosmic ray or ultraviolet irradiation of simple stuff like carbon dioxide and methane and nitrogen and water. And so there's the idea that just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And yeah, I mean, and this was before you really had regular stuff being delivered to you. At least we didn't get stuff delivered to us very often. So it was almost like you'd go and get a present, right? You put this code on this piece of paper, you take it to the man, and you'd wait like excitedly for a minute while he rummaged around in the warehouse and brought you this present.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that is very common to people not accepting how I will offer it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I heard a news this week about a new Mars mission, uh, Moon mission, new Moon mission, which is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's new ones on Earth, but again, they're covered up. Like, if anything properly sizeable hits Earth or the Moon, it'll be a real fucking event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the long term goal. There's been a lot of interesting proposals. I remember, I don't know whether this is based on how much reality it's based on, but Artemis is Andy Lear's moon book that was looking at being the next Martian. I think it was optioned for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think their thing was not, that's not the galactic one, that's not the tourism one, but that's the one where it launches, uhm, stuff in space from planes. Oh, right. And it did, it did, it did one, it had one satellite launch and it failed. And I think that was like, everyone like lost all faith in it from then on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I love this, this stuff. I do love the sci-fi future stuff so much. I just want, I just want to, I love the expanse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The classic thing about space is like it's supposed to be inspirational, right? I think I spoke about this before, but like the idea is that it's less about, I mean, it's obviously incredibly expensive and that money could go into caring for people who need it and all this other stuff, right? And improving society generally, but it's this kind of more like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a thing that energises people in society and it helps through, it's, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just desire, it's ambitiousness, right? It's desire to reach out to the stars and have an impact beyond our planet and think beyond our planet, right? And look, and look up, uhm, and to something more important than, you know, our petty squabbles down here. And it's sort of having a more awareness of your small part in a bigger universe is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good for the culture of people, right? And so doing these space missions is good to remind people that we share this planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We fight over it, right? And it feels like there's a lot of people fighting over stuff. I read an article this week about uhm, some guys in Brussels were playing Monopoly, and one of them got angry, pulled out his samurai sword and they all ended up in hospital. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I feel like that was a, it used to be a thing that you would see in like a James Bond movie, right? There'd be like a katana in a villain's house and they'd get into a fight with it, right? But now it feels like it's just on a shelf with a load of anime dolls and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're just gonna slip over and break their other leg, y'know. That one's helped, in that case. Then they need two more crutches. Four! That's fuckin' bizarre, eh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a weird world we live in. Waste of crutches. Um, that's, that was great. Thank you, PFLAX. Thank you so much. Let's put a pin in this. Thank you everyone for listening to this podcast this week. Thank you very much. We'll be back. It might be a bit spotty over the next few weeks, because Perian's got a trip away, but we're going to see if we can record


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some on the road. We'll see. We'll, we'll, we'll meet up. We'll try to do some on the roads. Yeah. It'd be good to keep in them, keeping the loop. And, uh, I've got a few interesting things coming up as we move into summer. Oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well that's, that's enough. Thank you everyone. See you next time. Bye. Goodbye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we did have quite a few Wisconsin emails, quite a few Pennsylvania emails, and no references to the zoo, but I have


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Why visit Wisconsin and just have all these emails stapled in there? Because honestly, it's kind of ridiculous. Um, would you like me to start at, uh, we've got one from February the 9th and then we'll work our way up to current day. Should we do that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cause it's cold, dude. Like, that's the thing, I think people think bold people are trying to cover up. Uh, believe me, it's normally just much colder, and the top of your head has no insulation at all, so you're like a bear, it's like a loft just open to the elements. So you gotta stick a hat on there sometimes, cause it does-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I hate is, y-you know on Windows 10, there's a little arrow that lets you show all the minimized applications, that sort of you, you, when you, when you close them, they minimize to the taskbar. But they don't actually minimize as like a little pop-up thing at the bottom, they're just programs that are resident. In the bottom right, there's a tiny up arrow, you click that, it shows you, for me, it's got Steam,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep working on new features rather than fixing their old problems. Uhm, yeaah. Dota's still got a ridiculous number of bugs and weird interactions tucked in there, but they're still working on the new patch, new heroes and stuff, so yeaah. I think everything, the more you use it, the more you realise it's failings, but because that's true of everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it was developing actual, real sounding conversations, it wouldn't be as interesting. The fact it's slightly scuffed is what makes it funny. So I think it's... This is the best point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a double header. This is like the old A movie and the B movie and the A movie. Anyway, uhm, so, uh, I'm a salesman for medical alerts. Those little things where you push a button and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, you know, the I've fallen and I can't get up kind of thing. So if you're elderly or you're disabled in some way and you have a fall,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So obviously the falls, my mum had a fall where she fell on a path, picking up my youngest from playgroup and she gave herself a massive black eye and everything. Holy. It was very bad, but different kind of fall. We're talking about elderly people that live alone falling over and not being able to get up. That's the kind of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I guess in the past if you lived in a wooden lodge that you'd built yourself out in the wilds, people must have just been found dead all the fucking time. You know, you have a heart attack and bang and then they just find this lodge with the hogs running crazy out the front and uh, you know, that's the end of it. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just love it. The look of it, the fact it never tarnishes, because it's like this magical fucking metal. The look, I go to a museum and you see that gold there, it just, something about it just calls to me. If I would basically, if I was some ancient ruler, I would assemble gold. That was it, just give me gold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're gonna figure out how part way through. Just remember we're talking about gold and golden things. So here is the subject line for the email. Stop me if you don't want me to read this one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hope all is well with you. I was listening to a Triforce episode recently in which you discussed threesomes. I don't remember this, but sure. And it reminded me of a highly embarrassing story you might enjoy. Please don't use my real name. I do not wish to have this shameful event attached to me publicly. I will not read your name this time. No problem, Fred. Like the other guy, I apologize.