[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what else is he in? Hudson Hawk. Okay. More football movies. Uhm. The Longest Yard. Great football movie. Higher Learning, probably.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the original longest yard is off the chain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Burt Reynolds longest yard is the fucking shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But Paul Walker's in it too. What? Voight plays the coach in Varsity Blues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I think he's the, I think the guy who kept getting the concussions. And then, by the way, in Not Another Teen movie...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mighty Ducks, Mighty Ducks 2. Oh, Mighty Ducks is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. It's just that her dad comes down the chimney to pretend to be Santa and he dies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm with you. There was, Emma walked, Emma walked past some, uhm, some cafe the other day, had a sign outside. You know, like, they write cute shit on, like, chalkboards now outside of cafes sometimes? Yeah. And this one said, like, this is life. It's like, you believe in Santa?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucked up. Yeaah. Heed the warning. I mean, we already watched the Kurt Russell Chronicles part 2. Oh yeaah. We watched that one already. Those are good. I gotta check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder how many new listeners we lose, uh, just from the onslaught of the soundboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I go hunting once a year with like my family and friends and we kill innocent animals and, uh, and as we're driving up there, we, we shoot pheasants and as we're driving up, we stop at this truck stop. And then I, last time I was there, I like bought a hat that was just like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then like, everyone wanted to wear the hat, so then it was like, it became like, hey, whoever wins the races gets to wear the I'm the bottom bitch hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely is. Truck wane stations. I know that. Okay. You want to come at me bro? I would love to. Please come at me. Uh, wane stations happen on the side of the road. It's truck by truck. That's not where you buy your meth or get your, your low end hooker. That's not where that happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? I'm saying as like a generality, any truck stop in America, I think you can, I think there's a high probability of getting meth. I don't know if it's at the Wayne's Nation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it goes hand in hand with someone that buys hats like that also might be in the market for meth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I kind of remember, it was white, correct? Yeah, it was white, and they look like bathroom. Yeah, I remember you rocking that. Like bathroom, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We really missed the boat by not starting our own, by employing Blake's stepdad for our company and have the meat jerkin beef boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five times a week. I'm always jerkin' out the gym. Yeah, you're a jerker. I'm a jerky boy. You eat jerky five times a week? Yeah dude, that's why I'm, that's why I'm so poofy lookin'. For what, a meal? No, just a little snack as an afternoon delight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do when I'm trying to, uh, to not have a bloated head, I go, I get the turkey, uh, and then I just go jacklings, you know, cause some of the other turkeys, you don't, you can't trust it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a delicate balance, dude. Cause there are, there are. I don't like it too wet. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like when my hands look like I just ate some ribs or something. I'm like, I'm just trying to be a jerky boy. Usually it's like while I'm driving or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clean, they're very clean, normally. Hear me out, get a bag of jerky, go in the parking lot, see how quickly we can buy meth. It's science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well sure, I know, I know, but usually when, you know, when you, you're not going to the truck stop on the first time you're buying meth probably, it's probably like a homie that's like, hey, I got some


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to, uh, do quite a bit of, I wouldn't do a lot of Adderall, but I would do it fairly often, uh, when I was, uh, doing standup on the road and you just get burnt out and like right before the show would start about 10 minutes before I would take like, I would break it up and do like a fourth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then take that, and then that would, that would get things, uh, turned in. I don't, I haven't done it in years, but... Poor cocaine, cocaine was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you don't need it, they prescribed that to you and you didn't need it. So if you need it, then it calms you down and helps you focus. But if you don't need it, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That none of us are like real drug addicts because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, talking just specifically for myself, I'm like, I could have really, if this were the 80s, and I've said this before,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, cocaine was everywhere in the comedy clubs. I would have been a full-blown cokehead, without a doubt! And uh, I'm glad that I didn't come up in the early mid-80s, uh, to where people would get paid in cocaine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but also it's kind of hard to get a hold of people. I tried to call, uh, my car dealership because I accidentally scraped the side of my car, uh, on my garage door. And so I'm like, I need to get this buffed out, you know? And I called, I couldn't get a hold of anyone. They, they, it said to go online and text someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. I don't know what it was. I would do, I would do...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, voices and call on the radio and stuff like that, but it wasn't like prank calls. It was like I'm, it's like a performance or whatever. But, uh, I remember specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time me and my buddy Zach, uh, we're, we're in high school and my sister was in middle school and our middle school, you guys have been in my house. It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and we thought it was hilarious. We were stoned. And then we bailed and went back to school. And, uh, my sister calls me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we go back in the house and I just hear the phones ringing and ringing and ringing and then I, it's a, she's leaving a message on the voice recorder and she goes, Adam, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, what's that? And then he's like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was handcuffed in our backyard this afternoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I go, wait, what? He came home and then like went to go pick up dog shit in the backyard and two cops like flopped out of a bush and handcuffed him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes, uh, I was handcuffed. And I'm like, shit, I'm, I'm so sorry. I can't believe that happened. We didn't think anyone was going to get hit. And then Brittany and dad go, we got you motherfucker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I liked that, that was cool, but, uh, they were harder to get, but you could buy, legally, giant, uh, rockets. So the best was you time them up, you like wait for them to start to take off and then you flick it up and they go, and then they take off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're legal in, uh, in Missouri, and we would drive down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like a couple hours we would, you know, smoke a joint and go down there and then, uh, buy a ton of fireworks. And they didn't even know, your parents didn't even know you were gone, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and also an M80 like that close to your chest could just like stop your heart. You know what I mean? There's always that story like, you know, I, we played baseball, Kyle and I played baseball growing up and there was always that story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think professional athletes, their, their reaction time is great. I mean, they're pros. It's when you're like in little league.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It knocked out my two front teeth and I, luckily they were baby teeth, so I was, I was like, you know, I guess I don't need these teeth anymore, but I was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who has the best teeth out of, out of the, out of the four of us? We all have flaws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, you did great with your fake teeth though. Ders, uh, he had like a pretty mangled mouth when he was a kid, but then he has veneers, but they don't look fake. They're not like the Joe Biden or like the politician face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go. You have everything at your disposal right there. Oh, look at those chompers, dude. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He dropped him. No sir, I don't like it. Look at that. That shit was jacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's changed over the last 10 years. Cause I, you know, like as an actor, you just, you see your face more often than I think I would if I wasn't an actor, right? Like you see an old project you've done and you're, there's, you know, there's pictures of, there's a lot of photos of you over the last decade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was, uh, my parents also were just like nah, you're good. You don't need the braces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm, all I'm saying is when you cut, when you, when you cut your nutsack open. Yeah, I was there. You FaceTimed us and you were sending videos and text messages and it was like we were along for the ride. So this was pre that. So apologies, but that's all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and is that because you like don't brush your teeth or something or what it, or it's just like degenerative? You only have to brush them in the morning. Ders, you're absolutely out of control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember thinking like, I wanted, I wanted braces so badly. I wanted, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted braces so badly as a kid, and I remember thinking like, specifically girls with braces, like, if they were rocking like a blue and a white, and it just sort of popped, I was like, damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, hear me out, if Invisalign or a brace, or a real brace company, uh, wants to hook us up, wants to hook us up, can we all get braces for the podcast?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it's just like a teeth cleaning and then I wear a night guard at night because I'm a grinder and, uh, so they gotta fit you for the thing and they could never do it in one, one time. They have to like spread it out over three times and I think it's just a, uh, I think it's just him trying to get that cash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, if I don't wear mine, my mouth the next day is like, I, it hurts. You can like, I think. Yeah, I think like in the middle of the night, I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. Well, cause you know what, it brings like, uh, some joy to their lives as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't s- he isn't saying cunt hair right now. I'm gonna pretend like he's saying something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean? Yes I did. I made the noise. I didn't hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew I didn't want to go again, you're right, but you know what Adam, that's what happens. You can pressure me into doing things and then I do them and sometimes I get hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's perspective. Wells Hooters. What lens are you looking through, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think that moves. I think that changes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty sure I know for a fact I'd be stacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only on special occasions. Special occasions, alright? That's what's up. There we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not catching the grounding element here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Why, why do they all, they all have basketball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was hella, the hard part about the Fast 2 is they would lock you in and I'd have to, and I would not know how I would go fucking smoke. I, I, I would have to sneak out to go smoke. That was hella hard. You reminded me of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true. That definitely goes down. They're like, I won't tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. But I think it was like you would, you would like connect and be like, okay, meet me in the secret hallway with a girl at this time. And then you would go like kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would sneak out and like, go smoke Siggy's. It all comes back to that, cause these girls like smoking Siggy's too. Kyle was the bad boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True that, yeaah, you were definitely all about that. I was horrible at Goldeneye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uh, powered through, powered through line flubs, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, are you three or two times? Cause you got delta and then the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because you're putting up your defenses the whole time you're going because you're trying to push past all the fucking exhaustion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, even if you're, if you're not doing it or if you are,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still coming down to LA for a couple weeks, eeeeh, leaving on Friday, coming down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'd love it. Uh, I'll be over first thing on Friday right when we land. Uhm, but I actually was thinking like, dude, should we get together and do a fucking in-person pod? Is everybody like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? That sucks. I'm sorry to all the 19 and 20 year olds out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's w- that is wackadoodle. Okay? Let's re-evaluate that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would want some retroactive stuff cause I miss that boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think kids would give a fuck about the metric system. I think they would just be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, wait, but what the fuck do you actually, but do you have a dog in the race? Do you actually care if about inches versus centimeters?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, well, for me, I was like, what are you measuring? What are you cooking and what are you doing that where this affects your life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause quartz and pints are a part of the gallon system, right? Which is not meters


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and the inches and the miles, the inches and the miles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Well I think British and then some Asian countries do it too, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Italy's, Italy's on the, on our side of the road, on the same side. Yeah, on the right side, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're also talking about the steering wheel on the other side too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And no brassieres! And I'm not shaving my pits!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they didn't have razors. They didn't have fucking razors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They started shaving, this is in the, this is in the comments, it's saying in the 1920s sleeveless women dresses were increasingly becoming more popular fashion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well now they're, they're, they're going back. Now they're going back to be like, why? Because it was, it was just for sales, right? It was just, they sold razors. So they said you need to do it. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everybody felt like they had to, so then everybody did it and now it's, and then it transferred to the vaginas and then it kept going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and there was, that's, uh, yeaah, that's nuts, dude. There was no women in, like, med school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some people are just like, that's it. Okay, good. Later. Other people are in it to play jazz. They're in it for the session.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta get Invisalign. For your bottom row? Yea, I think they're gonna have to pull one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about you, Ders? What kind of doctor are you? What's your shit, bro?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, not to, not to help people, not to save lives, or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a craft beard, actually. It's a craft beard, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The groomed beards are fucked. I don't know, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Cause you know how like you clean a bathroom with cleaning products? There's alcohol in cleaning products. That's what I'm doing. I'm cleaning out my body with alcohol.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that what, uhm, Kyle, he gave up alcohol, but then he just did weed? What an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, Anders. I, I heard from a little bird that you were, you were still listening to the podcast though? Is that true?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no Brandon that's a Joe Biden fan, right? Yeah, that's probably true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we established that you were a bitch before, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to be clear, he's here, he just apologized. A huge bitch move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how I know you're not an asshole, cause you weren't like, I had shit to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, which is what I did at the beginning of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If she calls for two cocks, one box, you guys doing that? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's how it usually they are, right? Aren't they usually friends? Wouldn't they be? Is it? I feel like, I feel like it's a scenario where it's a total stranger. I'm saying it's, it's, it's probably usually not an anonymous dude. It's probably like two homies and some girls like, I like your actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But look, I'm sure that's a real movie. I love the term unicorn. That's fun. It's a movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shout out to her pops, always hoopin' over at the playground. He's a baller? Like a dad that played basketball, that just kinda blew my mind. Uh, Lauren- That is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's always good when a doctor's juicing people up, especially children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, we were talking about people having threesomes and whether it's usually strangers or people you know. I still feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then the weirdos are the people who are like, let's go find some slut, uh, to do this. In a great way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a great, fun, sexually charged way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, what are you doing, dude? I'm sorry, I'm just trying to measure it. But then at least you probably know the boundaries. Like, you know you're homie, and like, well, you hope you know you're homie, and you're like, but if it's some other guy, and he's gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Into your girl. Yeah, okay. Why is it, why is it, it doesn't have to be your girl, it could just be... Yeah, is it your girl? It's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was thinking it was just, it was two homies and then they meet some chick and she's like, both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I thought. Oh, then yea, it's gotta be a stranger. Yes, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Or you just clone yourself, and then she runs off with the clone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I was doing like a, yeah, they were, they were on there. I think we made sure that they were, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 3D sculpting, whore, like monsters, 3D masks, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a boss. We definitely, we definitely didn't, um, challenge him enough, cause he just had to put like, make up mostly on us three guys, which is not like, a lot. And then I think he was just spending his time doing other cool stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But specifically the trailer. Yes. The trailer was like a game changer trailer. I think it might have been like when I went to go see Jurassic Park or something. That era. But like the cow or the tire coming out at the camera. I remember being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Philip Seymour Hoffman like screaming like right past the camera, he's like, Get inside! Go to the basement! Or whatever it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you're like, that's so easy to just kind of be like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, like, we don't know what's weird to who, you know? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lines on that thing. You had a Taurus? That was a game changer. That was a future car. Go ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean I th- you look great. You look like a real girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, your girl, Adam, had like an intensity that I did not need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had one spot that, uhm, originally was Sam Cooke here, uhm, and then I believe after that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uhm, it was Leon Russell later, but after that, it was not peaches and herb, it was fuck. I'm losing it now. Uhm, and then eventually it was MCA, who I have up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I got that over here on the ground. No, no, it's Keith Sweat. I got a Keith Sweat. Because I thought it would just be very funny to have this super honky dude with like, not like the most obvious R&B singer in his room. And it's like, oh, this dude's, this dude's into Keith Sweat? Okay. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't we, well, you know, speaking of clips that we haven't seen for a long time, they played the one where like, you guys spring on, in on me with like the girl we're kissing and then you're like, whatever, you weren't going to get any. And then I go, oh yeah. And I stand up and I just had my pants on my lap. I was fully naked walking away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know those, those dudes, uh, JT and Chad, they're like OC bro guys who have a podcast and are very funny and go speak at like the city council and ask for like, um, uh, fucking, uh, Paul Walker statues and stuff to be. Anyway, I was, I did their podcast the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, I just kinda wish Adam's character didn't buck her so hard off of the top and that it was more of like an accident. But when we watched it in the edit, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, I think he can send it, but it didn't have to be like a fucking wham bam goodbye ma'am. It could have been like a whoa, oh no! Yea, save a horse, ride a cowboy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, she doesn't fly off, because that means that she just flew off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's what it is. She doesn't fly off. She's thrusted off the 10 meter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all I'm saying is that, I just wish it was more of like a, you had your hands on the hips for control, and then you were so excited you went like this, and the thrust off sent her over because she wasn't being held onto. As opposed to a true fucking name. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we quoted her, that actress, for a very long time. I talked about this on the other pod, but like, we'd always talk about how like, I'm just a girl from, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's at work. She's for sure at work. She's like, I'm a nurse. Uh, COVID's hitting hard. Somebody's on the respirator. I gotta go. But I just wanted to say 69. I think this woman is about to deliver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then obviously, late, like a late dinner, like 9 o'clock, you're in New York City, you're getting a drink, you're getting something, like a steak maybe. You're so romantic. Well sure, yeaah. Lunchtime?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get home, I kiss my children and they go, you know what? There's some food on the stove. And I go, fuck yeah. Lunch blows. Lunch is a rush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is my point. You go, your favorite thing last time was you were like, yeah, sometimes you can have breakfast for lunch. And I'm like, that's breakfast late, homie. And you can have dinner for lunch. That's what's great about lunch. But nobody does. No one's ever said, I'm having lunch for dinner. Ever. They say I'm having breakfast for lunch or I'm having breakfast for dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, well Duras, quit starting and stopping, just complete a sentence. Jesus, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hey, I appreciate you bringing it up instead of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's such a big brother move. Hey, sorry, can't tell ya, you're not old enough yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't see me either. Not sure I could sign off on that. Free the elephant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't know. I guess I didn't know. I can see it. I can see the fabric.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just got my, my genetics test, and that shirt says it's 100% vat cotton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm worried about the inside, not the outside. The outside's great. Very kissable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're cl- you know that's lean. You're just drinking lean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that again? It's caffeine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you sure? Are you sure? After all the, the potions? You got the energy, just sit on the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's not a caffeinated. It would give me sugar, which is enough to like get me through a real workout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do think it's amazing that this is the new cocaine, like this is, like all the old, like ah, fucking got on cocaine just to get through the days of, this is the new version. Guess what? Not as cool. Just, just not as cool. You are cool. You're cool. This is not cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to the Coke bar in college and it was the most fun bar. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During the aughts is when it was still in a room. I feel like after 2010, parties, Coke was just out. It was like in a room and then it just came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've said it before, I'll say it again. This doesn't happen at Counting Crows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That fucking sucks. What was, uh, Travis' statement? I'm sure he made one that was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's some San Francisco Bay area type shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone's got a P-touch. They just make it up, yeaah. Not a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember hearing that like the new kids on the block had like to get their stomach pumped from like jizz or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's the food? How's the food on your movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So guys at home, if you've worked on a production or not ready


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, it was like, basically a smorgasbord of every food you could imagine at a production. And you would just walk down the fucking line with a tray and a plate, and you'd be like, oh chicken, they got chicken, oh they got steak too, lemme get both of them, lemme get fish, okay. Vegetables, everything. And then at the end of it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have pies and birthday cakes every fucking day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At our crafty, you could walk up, you just couldn't pick it up yourself. Touch. I know, that's so weird. Someone else had to be, and then I got yelled at the first day, they're like, hey, you can't do that. They're like, fuck off! And I said, do you know who I am? And they said, no. And I go, fair enough. Fair enough. I get that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I love a good biscuit. A lot of good biscuits down in Mobile, Alabama. Shout out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was great, had a lot of food, had a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this was kind of a fucking, we just got new money move. They were lying at this fucking concert of like 30 people, maybe one, right, of trying to get a beer. We went to the front of the line, just past everybody else, and I dropped, it was like, they were just selling like beers, right? It wasn't like a full bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't even to, to dodge the line. We already bought it and you were like BWAH.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my co-stars in this movie about my father that I did down in Mobile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, I went to the, um, so I was in Mobile for the most time, but then I drove up to Montgomery and I went to the Equal Justice Initiative Memorial for, uh, uh, essentially African Americans that were lynched


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, killed by mobs, uh, it's pretty heavy duty. There's a nice, there's a museum there that I highly recommend to anybody who wants to learn more about this country and how fucked up it can be, um, and how recent these things were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very crazy. And how fucking horrible they were, you know? Like did you guys know that the wall of Wall Street built by slaves up in New York?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe I said it looked amazing, but like, did you care at any point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the YouTube dive? Other movies to kind of make you forget?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had two scenes, and I don't disagree, he was the best actor, uh, in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't pay! You went to- I didn't pay! So you don't even- you didn't even see it on the big screen and you're talking about the visuals?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, this guy was docking with his dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And here's my question, is it like a natural pheromone? Is it a very expensive cologne? Or is it just some throwback shit from when he was a young, uh, lab? Lab, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen those insane Versace cologne commercials where it's like a guy, super cut, butt naked in like a speedo thing, crawling out and then he like throws a thunderbolt? It's like the worst production ever and then it goes Versace, like the most expensive cologne and you're just like, they don't have a bad, better commercial guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do remember going to like uh, like dances in middle school and like gearing up with hella aftershave from my pops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How old? I heard teen. What'd you say? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I rocked any in high school, but then in college I think I might have gotten like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say that I got like a free thing of CKB when I like bought something at a department store in college. What is CKB?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Elevated. Yeah. Elevated lifestyles. And it didn't smell good. I remember finding it like ten years ago. And it was like, this is horrible. Du du. I had a little thing of Christian Dior that I think Emma got me at some point. It smelled real good. But I don't rock with it at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a hint. Your mom's like, y-you smell here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I meant to say when I see your feet, I go uuuh. Your feet are...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like toenails get yellow and crazy? Yeah, you're fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's, let me get this off my fucking chest. When, uhm, when Chad Bowsman died, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I threw on Black Panther to watch it with my son. And I never post pictures of my kids. It's just, I don't know, I just don't do it. Uhm, but I posted the TV of us watching, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Black Panther with both of our feet like on the copy table or whatever. So you could be like, I'm watching it with my kid like Chadwick Boseman, RIP. Like, you know, I'm sharing his movies with my kid. I feel like the dude was a good guy and made some cool shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, my feet, my feet? Beautiful. My kids feet? Splendid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this. We should clarify, I'm in my garage cause this is so fucking dumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, had the tree trimmers come today? So they were like using the wood chipper outside my office? Like alright, I guess I'll just drag the whole thing into my garage. Welcome to my garage. Uh, I'm chunking. Pretty sick setup. As soon as we got on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy rings the doorbells like, we're done, we're gonna pack up, we'll see you later. I'm like, I just dragged my whole thing in here. Not that that's much, but let's fucking go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What they call gamification, it's got a screen like a peloton kind of thing, but instead of being shouted at by somebody who you're like, on a scale of one to ten, these people are one thousand percent annoying. Uhm, and I don't know if I did that right, but, uh, it's kind of just video games that make you increase your stroke tempo, your effort, da da da da.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and you, and you race people, and it's not like, um, peloton, if you do a peloton at home, like, where you're kind of like racing, but like, for some reason, some people are so much further ahead of you right out of the gate, but like, it doesn't do it correctly. Dude, first of all, I ride


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you can do real time classes or like banked classes and then-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very nice, very nice. Are you guys, are you, well, yeaah, real quick on Peloton. Did you hear the drama about the, the, uhm, Sex and the City remake where they're like, the guy died and Peloton's like trying to clown him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Big like died. He had a heart attack on it. And I think Peloton, their first statement was like, well he must have not had a healthy lifestyle. And then when shit really started to hit the fan they were like, that's why nobody watched that dumbass show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, cause I, I also saw, you, you could die doing anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we just start dogging out Trek? And be like, yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have what you might call the body you get when you eat absolutely anything and everything, but then you work out too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna get a lift. You're gonna get a boob lift? Or a cool sculpt?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just freezes that, you know. I'll figure something out. That's wild. I believe that. I can see that for you. That's gonna be sweet. But yea, that's a, that's an assault runner. Uhm, assault runner? That sounds cool as fuck. Assault runner, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, like you, you've, uh, uh, you've beaten someone up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The heart was for sure already under stress from the decades of having to, to pump that giant cock with blood, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was a new season. A mini-series? I think it's like a, we're doing a few episodes of- Ah, okay, okay. This.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's sex and the city, correct? Not in the city? I thought it was in... I thought it was in the city.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're thinking of Caroline in the city, arguably better?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's the one who got her eyes lasered and got all fucked up, right? Who's that? Caroline Wright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me say this. I just worked with Kim. I'm team Kim. Really? Kim. She was a sweetheart. She was so nice. I showed her. First of all, I stalked her because I was like, we gotta talk big trouble in little China. And she was so cool about it. Hell yes. I didn't even get into police academy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we're about to go log, go log. Oh, look at that sound effects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be in my front lawn just sipping tea, waving at neighbors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why everyone's expectations are always so high, cause every year everyone goes, it's not good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Did you have a grandmother that worked at the Kentucky Derby? Who was your grandmother?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. Well, yeaah, I mean, I drink on the weekends, cause there's, the pandemic changed everything. Cause you're like, I don't go anywhere, so I might as well just start drinking. Uhm. Hell yeaah, hell yeaah. Hell yeaah, baby. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is kinda nice. I remember Blake when I was talking about just getting that couch buzz. Yeah, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stairs. First obstacle? Stairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I remember by the time my dad was so much stronger than me and then he was instantly old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. You know, like, I remember in college, uh, when I was a strong division one athlete,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We just take walks holding hands. He's got like mitts with thick fingers, right? And he just sticks his pinky out. And I couldn't, he didn't take me down, but I definitely also couldn't take him down. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is happening here? Like, I think he just has that, like, uhm... Dad strength. Well, dad strength, but also just, there's some people who have that strength. Right. It's just like they got reserves in their muscles where they're just like, I know I might not be huge, but like, I can lift this anyways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Uh, my dad plays football. Uhm, yeah, he was a football player. But he wasn't like a huge guy, he just, uh, uh, has like a big head, big hands. He's like a wide, uh, person. He was like a center. He was a college center.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think, I think you would go for them. I think if they were nearby and you were losing, you'd go for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wanted to kill you. What was his fight? Was his fight life or death?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we talk about this real quick? What is the scenario where you would feel okay having killed someone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. But the scenario might not even be like one that you might necessarily want to even kill somebody in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I feel like uhm, the household one is good, but also like, if you have an opportunity, if someone's like driving through a crowd, and you have the chance to fucking like, shoot them in the face,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I want to do the hand to hand combat stuff, I feel like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you start with the plastic ones with the pads on them? I feel like after watching a few uh, watching Ninja Turtles a few times where they have the nunchuck battle. Yea, fellow chuckers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, that is the perfect example of a song where you're like, who fucking thinks Sandy Hook was fake? People who listened to that Magnets How Do They Work song and go, man, good points, all around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that being said, they got a, they got a thing going. They shouldn't, don't, don't worry about us judging you. You guys, you got a family. You're doing it. Yeah, absolutely. You call each other ninjas. We all know what that's replacing. It's weird, but you're doing it. You're doing your own thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trace hombres. Your pits are looking really good Blakey. Nice dude. Look at all that pit juice. Let's open on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was, I was buzzing the chest, and I was like, they were getting a little unruly, so I was gonna, I was just gonna do a little trim-a-roo down there, you know, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I didn't, I forgot to adjust it back, and so I just took out a chunk and took it down to like basically nothing, and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a, like a little boy with just, with the same size dick as I had as a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a fun, I get it, it was a fun joke, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so for those of you who don't know... Who doesn't know? The world is clamoring. The community's abuzz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He pro- might as well, might as well have been. That guy was hitting everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, he's a great one, cause he's funny, he's weirdly ageless, uh, and he's a super nice guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I think that's the trick to staying, uh, young looking is another thing people don't know about Paul Rudd, he's never seen the sun. He has, yeah, he travels around in a little bubble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's probably maybe an inch or two taller than me. I don't think he's like a big good guy, but I don't think he's... Big good guy. Big good guy. So wait, you're saying you like the nomination. You're here for it. I think he's fantastic. He's funny. He's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if we're giving it to famous people, and they gotta give it away, you could only give it to Clooney and Pitt so many times. True. And they've given it to The Rock, and by the way, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's, you know, he's got, he's a family man, he's doing movies, he's working a lot. He, uh, I think he's, he's like the lovable dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not like a strung out coke guy or anything. He has kids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, with what I assume he's packin', he's juiced up a few, okay? There's been a few, uh, children out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jason Momoa Children's Names.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well they're- You're looking up ne- Oh, he's got a fucking gang of them, dude. Just as I thought. Well, we're all his sons. And they got little fucking wild ass hairs. Who's he juicing? Oh, this is- This is time. Who's he juicing? Who did he juice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would have known this. Yes, who he juiced and who were squirted out of the- from the Jews. Is he wheezing the Jews? You know they- you know Jason Momoa. He's next up, by the way. I like that guy a lot. I think, uh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, he's gonna get it next year, you just know it to be true. And then, you know that his kids have like, the coolest like, morning dew, like names, you know, that they're just like, you know that their names are just off the charts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So real quick, Jason Momoa, uh, he is stepdaughter to Zoe Kravitz, uh, to Zoe Kravitz. Stepfather, yep. Yep, stepfather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you think he changed his name? Oh, you think he changed his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's not something along the lines of like, Wolf, uh, Rain Wolf or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a bummer. What was their names? Like Zeke and Michelle or some shit? I have no idea who I went to, but he made me wear a tank top, a wife beater, which is what they used to call them, and I held onto a chain link fence and then looked over my shoulder like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you, you, that's the perfect guy to be like in the, like a NCIS, like special victims, and you are the rapist. Like I, that, I would cast that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was a real great girl. And then all of a sudden the turn is, it was you all along. Why didn't you get hired?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was such a racket, dude. It was, the fuck, as soon as, as soon as they were like, ah, you don't need, headshots are kind of a, you just, we could just email photos of you. I mean, I was like, thank fucking God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like some, I remember how excited you would get when you're like, oh shit, I saw that dude in an episode of what is like fucking California dreaming. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crazy. How it just comes full circle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, oh my god, it does. What, did you guys get in anything this weekend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, baby. What is that? What is that like, Durr? Do you like any of the other dads? What's, what's it like? You think I'm?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like my parents put, like my, my mom liked everybody, but my, I feel like my dad just went through like 18 years of putting up with people. And I'm like, yeah, it's fine. And then as soon as they leave, as soon as I graduated high school, he was no longer friends with any of them and he got a completely new group of friends. He was like, yeah, I'm fucking out, later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys have anything like that? Like, because you're raising kids in LA, that they're like friends with... Superstars? Or, I don't know, any sort of actor's kids? I mean, you might not be able to put that on blast, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we would, we would rail against Kyle. I wish Kyle was here because I would like to give him flowers. We really took him to task on the last, I know, I'm sorry Ders, I'm sorry to do this. No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Victoria Adams? Okay. Victoria...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna give Kyle, Kyle flowers because we gave him shit about the, he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sizzler, and it was, uh, I'm going to Disney World is the saying that everyone always said after they won the Super Bowl or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like, what are you gonna do now? I'm going to Disney World. But he was referring to, well, he didn't know what it was from and couldn't explain it well. So that's why we were shitting on him. Uh, but it is from a movie, it's from White Men Can't Jump, when he's like, I'm going to Sizzla. We're going to Sizzla.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he didn't sing it. He just said, he said like, that's a thing, right? That's a thing that people say. And we were like, no, it's not like a thing that the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, like, wasn't that guy in, uh, uh, uh, uh, White Man Can't Jump, wasn't he from, like, the Cosby show? Wasn't he, like, the friend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same, same good thing. Uh, yeaah, I feel like I could rock some flip-up shades. I feel, I feel that would be a thing that I would like. Yeaah. I'm not really an accessory guy, but- They make everybody look better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I would let him droop from one side and then go, let's go! Whip my head around and they would snap onto my face going,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I don't, yeah, I don't think any of us are ever gonna get it. I think maybe you or Durs could get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like, I don't know if the color of your eyes are sleepy, it's the fact that the dark circles around your eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what Chloe always says. She says that I look like a person that's five years younger than my actual age, but who's really tired all the time. That's what she says. She's like, you just look five years younger, but really tired. That's sweet of her. Alright. You wanna see that? Yeah, I'll take that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam? Well I feel people are used to seeing people with masks on now. So it's, I feel like you can recognize this part of the pandemic, it's a little easier to clock people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're used to seeing everybody in masks. When at the beginning...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, okay, well, I gotta stop fucking swearing, oops. I will also say that on your home, you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I thought you were gonna say like, breath, dude. Cause you have- No, no, no, you're- He doesn't brush his teeth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm the, I'm the fucking patriarch of the family now, bitch. Yeaah. Things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my dad is more like a older brother, if anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was, no, he was claiming to, uh, to be my dad the whole time and then later out I found out he's my brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think my dad was 24 and my mom was 22.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll probably be another couple years before we actually have kids. I'm gonna be like an old timey dad. Who's gonna be like, back in my day, we listened to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pop punk music! And they're like, fuck you dad. You don't even, you don't even understand the beeps and the boops that we like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that, and that was in Demolition Man too, if you curse, like they would, uh, you would get something, there would be like a beep, and it would come out of the vault as a ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Steve Barron. For the one community member, the aruguloid, who's pissed off that Kyle's not on this goddamn podcast, and you're over there just sitting on your bed going, are they ever gonna fucking loop back around to who directed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Steve Barron. There you go. Okay. Okay. Diane Lane is in Judge Dredd. What? By the way, Diane Lane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, oh, there's the age gap, that person was older, and they were like shitting on it, and I'm like, oh, I was that money age, just like a little kid, and I'm like, oh yeah, he's good, and Wesley Snipes has the blonde hair, and he's just a badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going on with Steve Barron? I don't know anything about Steve Barron, I don't know if I've ever heard his name, and he's directed some of the biggest shit movies in the world. This guy's a fucking killer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We know. So, uh, Steve Barron is, he's British or he's Irish? Both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you can believe it, by, they call that Byrish. The best. Good combo. So I'm working with Pierce Brosnan right now. Hey, by the way. Under the Outlaws. Yep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know he's won that a couple times. What do we think, a 96?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ehh, mid-90s for sure. Maybe he got it twice, maybe he's 96-98 combo dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But his, his Irish, like, uh, terminology is the best, dude. I've never hung out with, I don't think I've hung out with a lot of, like, truly Irish people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throw jabs at me and he's like, come here you little sheepshy guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, the fact that that, that, it must be like a, a thing. That he- Right. Oh, he won in... 2001.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Girl next year. Next door. So when I was a kid and would do like voices on the radio, they brought me in to- Will you explain that more or no?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, so I would do voices on the radio, and uh, it became like a little bit of a thing, at least in my world, where they were like, we're gonna pay you to be part of our radio show, and you could do different characters and voices. And then I go down there, and I was in a wheelchair at the time, and because of my accident, and so they take me down there, and they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're a fuckin' kid. Because I only talk to him, like, in character, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, uh, we can't hire you, but we can give you, like, free CDs and shit. And, and, uh, concert tickets and that kind of thing. Uh, so I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, uh, so I'd go down there and I was like, how do you guys, like, come up with all these bits on the radio and what do you guys talk about? They just told me, uh, get a Maxim magazine and that's all we talk about. We read Maxim magazines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you, well, it really lasted, like, big radio shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our morning radio DJs in Omaha were Todd and Tyler in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my god, I think they're still doing it. They're like the fucking guys in Omaha. And they do the classic rock station, so they'll just be there forever. And they're the fucking kings of Omaha. I was like, oh shit, that's a cool life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they get the cars, it's free publicity for the dealership and then they're like, oh shit, Todd and Tyler drive around in brand new, you know, whatever the fucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I, cause in Newport you could see


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well quite, just barely less than, it came out what, 19 years ago?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it came out like 2003 or 2004? 2002 to 2008. Yeah. Damn. I'll give that to you. I'll give that to you. Long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's the fucking best by the way. I hope you guys get to meet Pierce because he's like the nicest motherfucker I've ever met. He's just the coolest. It's cool when you meet like legit movie stars like that and they're very very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause easily, James Bond could be an asshole. Like, I don't know, just Daniel Craig?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like Daniel Craig could be an asshole. He might be a nice guy, but it seems like he could be. You know what I mean? He's got a little vibe where you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, that one hit- that one was a fucking strike for me. Yeah. That- me and my sister watched that all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, that is a long neck. We got, uh, Richard Kind and Julie Haggerty in this movie, and I feel like that's, they're kind of doing that now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, we should recycle or whatever, like, I feel like every comedy now also has to have some other thing that they're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When there could just be more funny jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uhm, uh, RichardKind remembers living next door to us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like an ant, there was a bug, there was like an anteater. A crocodile. There was a crocodile that were all made out of like rusted metal that were on the roof. And like, is there any way they could stay? And he's like, you want them to stay? And we were like, yes please. And he's like, absolutely, I don't know how I'm gonna get them off the fucking roof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the fact that we didn't, the fact that we didn't get robbed at that place, like, not like an actual home invasion rob. I mean, someone stole my wallet, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. Uh, well no, I mean the fact that we didn't get like, because we, that guy, it was like a whole shady thing with that house that we rented. We got a great deal on that house, but we had to pay cash in six months up front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was like kind of a, and for us at that time that was like we had just started to make a little bit of money from Workaholics, we were just into the second season and then we moved there and so we didn't have like a ton of excess money laying around so six months


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a lot, and we were like, oh shit, and we like just rolled the dice because the place was so fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's not, it was, no, it wasn't three months in, it was six months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For only one more year. So it did equal out that he got it for half the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was truly, it was like an NBA locker room, the amount of like closet space there was. It was fucking nuts. And then, and then an awesome view.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we both blew it, we both just, I had a girlfriend, you had it, you had a wife, uh, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know that the pool was a famous artist in that pool? David Hockney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he painted a bunch of pools in Southern California. He painted that pool. I did not know that. That's sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it had all those little squiggles, and it wasn't until years later, they told us we were moving in, and they said, David Hockney did this, and I didn't even click because I didn't know who the fuck that was, and then, uh, there was that store, the Tashin store, with the books, and I drove past it, and it was a David Hockney exhibit, years later, and I go into it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been sick. Yeah, we blew it by not destroying the property that we're renting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who would have known? Uhm, so any take backs, apologies, giveaways, or epic slams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super big time missed. Uhm, and then special shout out. The Rougaloids are pissed. Especially, thank god they finally knew that, uh, director Steve Baron directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles amongst coneheads. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think so. And, uh, yeah, you, Fabulous Freak Brothers, we're very proud of it. It's got, I mean, an amazing cast the way it came together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Goodman, Woody Harrelson, Pete Davidson, Tiffany Haddish, uh, yeah, and we were lucky enough to, uh, Blake and myself, we were lucky enough to be a very small part of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well you guys are just yourselves, you guys are two stoners that, we're like the current day stoners that help the Freak Brothers along the way. And it's Woody Harrelson, I think it's kind of a good move, producer wise, because the Freak Brothers are an old cartoon. Seventies, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the man. Oh no! Oh, I thought you- he's on a commercial right now where he's just like a thumb for- No no, this is from-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he must have been like 20 years old at that point. I'm like, and just looking like he could run through a wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I just jumped off the dock in front of everybody and spread my butt cheeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were on jet skis, yeah. Right. Blake and I, and then we couldn't, you're not allowed to like tie up a jet ski there, at least so we were told, so we had to go back and kick it. Which you totally can. But Kyle, you totally can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was weird for me is that we were like, not really interacting with them so much, and then as we were leaving, they like, chased, and were like, we have pizza, we're like, alright, we'll take some pizza. They lured us back, and then they were like, well where are we all going? Out on the docks, and we were like, we're going. And then, as we drove away, for no reason,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the way back, Blake's like, I'm just gonna jump off the front of the boat. And we're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what you're, I don't know what you're talking about. Speak, speak on it buddy. We, we, I, we took like a, like a line up of butts or whatever. And P.S. I have the sickest speedo tan right now. It is proper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, how do we up a ante here, man? Oh, the Ramones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I saw Greg Luganis a few years ago at the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center and he was looking fucking good. This dude, he knows how to dress. He's got this like silver hair now. He's working it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we're being these male pigs, these announcers that haven't even stopped. What else, what else can they say? I'm icky, icky, icky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, yeaah. He starts doing a bad, like, Chevy chase, like, uh, we're down at the nip-a-lot fifty-yard line, uh, shit, dammit. It's getting real... twat in here. Hot. It's hot in the booth, I tell ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And by the way, let's paint the picture for your doc here. Let's talk about your doc. Your doc is sick. It's not just a doc.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's got a bar. It's a floating ponderosa. My god, man. It's got a whole area. It's got like a couple slicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went directly to a family reunion after this, helicobitus, and I told everyone I was in the lake of the Ozarks and they go, did you see snakes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever seen the- there's these larger- Because there's sharks out there. There's these bigger snake things called sharks. No I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All right, go ahead and dive in there. Get your dicks out. Go ahead now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he puts on another good song, but like, you gotta just realign yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he was the first one in the building, and he goes right up to the waiter and waitress, uh, who were fantastic, and he goes, look here guys, it's about to get wild, uhm, just roll with it, okay? Don't worry about it, just, it's gonna get crazy, roll with it. And I was like, you what? Can I tell you what happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the Jaeger Fountain was pretty sick, although it smelled god-awful. Well, everybody was just licking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a long table, so as people were taking their shirt off on one side, other people on the other side didn't know what was going on, and we were shouting very loudly. You, once you order, you have to take your shirt off so she knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. So we didn't carry that torch. The guy who's DJing on the fucking party bus also took the ox at the restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Em was playing 20 minute seconds of s- 20 second songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still, driving us crazy, almost. People were not thrilled. Well, driving you crazy, I- I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Forget about it. God, I'm so glad we didn't hear that earlier or else we would've all been just shouting like mafia people. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And are you sure that's from the alcohol or did you eat something that day? Yeah, did you swallow a lake snake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a second, we didn't get into what happened after dinner that night. No, we're still marching through, we're still marching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And someone goes like 1-1-2-3-4 whatever, uhm, whatever the street is, right? Our street. The address.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 40 minutes away. We put them in an Uber, they peace out, we go hit the strip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I remember being on the bus, and getting to like, that they had already arrived within, I think 15 minutes or 17 minutes, and it was a- Yeaah. And it's like a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, oh well, maybe this local dude knew like, a route. That's what I thought. I was like, okay, maybe we didn't even take a fucking half hour to get here. A shortcut? We go out, we're doing our thing. Right, maybe you took the lake. If there's stories that want to happen now, we can circle back to what happened later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I get that now because I watched the pilot. And it, well no, but it's not. But it isn't. It's spelled differently. It's spelled differently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were all empty. I was kind of surprised that that was the most popping bar on this trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a novelty. They were like bigger, dare I say nicer looking places that you would be able to be packed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went back because I had to get up and drive 3 hours at like 9am the next morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also a reminder, you don't know how much sleep is what based on our last podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we get back to the house and Atiba and Aqua are not there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The party bus rolling up. And they're not, their phones are turned off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They drain the battery with half songs. That's all I kept thinking. I was like, god dammit if he wasn't DJing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is true. Wait, recap. Adam said for it to be a true bachelor party, someone needs to barf, someone needs to get arrested, and someone needs to go missing. Check, check, check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Uber driver took them to the place where I had sent them the wrong address. They knew it wasn't right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, I called him and left a voicemail with him. Did he ever get back to you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I just saw the pictures that told, like, their journey and I was like... Yeah, you can't be taking pictures if you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I half way think em. You thought you would land on the table like a cat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a Teba and Akko had those, you gotta let them flow, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and also, if we wanna be like, just free to really say what we want, we could do it on Patreon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is G for fuckin ginormous cum load.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, we've all whiffed our own farts, but you just said might as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean? It's better smell. I mean like, I have never done it and been like, well I might as well get it fresh. I've been like, man, am I gonna shit my pants? I mean, get a little... That's bad, that's bad. Guys, can I pivot?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is it as expensive here in California where they're readily available or is it like super expensive in Brooklyn and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So even avocados that are grown here as opposed to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we talk about Adam? If you guys at home would be surprised, Adam likes to order fajitas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Mexican restaurants, we're like, it's a whole thing, like the person-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the melting of something. Is that what we're saying fondue is? I think so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fondue is like a melted, like it's melted cheese or melted chocolate and then you dip the thing in. What do you, you're talking about frying food. It's also that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is why I fondont. Oh, fondu rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so you're, yeah. Here's a boiling hot oil thing for your 12th birthday, son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just pack fucking tortillas in the back of your mouth to just absorb your saliva. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys used to double wrap your chipotle burrito, right? Remember that like life hack where you'd be like, uh, two tortillas, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it would be protection for sure, but you would just double up to get twice the carbs up in there, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like it, I think it's pretty morbid to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. That's funny. That's the only way out. If you're not wearing that, I'm stripping that shit off you. I'm bringing scissors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, you wanna kneeboard. No, you have to kneeboard. We've talked about this. Yea, I forgot. I forgot I was a kneeboarding champion already. I'm fucking copping you, dude. No shirt? Only kneeboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on go-karts from like just 50 feet apart, flooring it at each other. But obviously we had stunt guys snap in and do it for like the real thing. Cause we were supposed to collide. And after you do a stunt, when you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, after college a buddy of mine owns like a little fishing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still gonna send it. It was very trying. I was like this, this is cold and sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might bring him a bullhorn, is that cool? Yea, that'd be tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which wing do I get? Alright, cool. Uh, hey guys, I watched, I watched something the other day that made me think of all of us, but mostly Kyle and Blake, who grew up, uh, in this milieu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was un-fucking-believable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His dad was a big wrestler who had this Canadian, his own Canadian league that at one point he sold to Vince McMahon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everybody was saying that like he wasn't the most uhm, like he wasn't great at like the talking and all that stuff, but he was so precise with his moves he was known as.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but he had something, he had like a nickname called like the fucking something of precision or something like that, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was his move. The sharpshooter was his move. Look at you guys though. If you watch like replays of him doing DDTs or whatever these moves are, you can see how he's protecting his wrestler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine like somebody falling from the top of staple center down onto the ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Sean puts him in his own move, they'll be like, oh they'll be crazy, Sean's gonna put you in your move, the sharpshooter, and then you'll get out, you'll pin him, you'll win. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vince McMahon is ringside. Shawn Michaels puts him in the fucking sharpshooter and you hear Vince go, ring the bell. And the guy fucking rings the bell. It's over. The ref just like walks off and, uh, Brett Hart is like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The play, it's over. Shawn Michaels is like, yeah, I want him out of here. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is after he turned down a huge deal to go to WCW. It was, it's crazy. It's a must watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though? Kind of and kind of not. Cause I've seen dudes rocking duke lacrosse hats as like a, ho ho, check me out. That's disgusting. See? I've seen that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, look, look, for somebody who comes from a sport where you really only truly get to shine as far as like the world stage for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pumped. I love watching all these sports across the board. I find it so fascinating. Of course, basketball and these sports where you make gazillions of dollars are off the chain, but there is something to these guys who


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't make any money. You know, they have like the, they work at Home Depot between these, uh, Olympic games and all that kind of shit. Sometimes. Uhm, and they still do it. And not that that makes it better or more interesting, but it, it's a whole other facet to, uh, being a professional athlete than I think is pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it gets complicated cause there's also like- monetary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aspects of like national, well there's monetary, but there's also like national pride and being able to come up with your own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, what is the opening ceremony gonna be? Cause like, I remember, if you're an athlete and you have something like big the next morning, you just skip it, right? But like, who wants to go out there and be around all those people for that long?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I mean, you gotta be rocking a mask, but like, even so, like, fuck that. I'm gonna just be, you'll find me on the blocks. That's the first place you'll find me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unreal. I was like, when it happened, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Like, some things just don't add up. You know what I mean? When you hear something like publicly, you're like, I don't know about this. And I know a couple of those dudes who he was with, because I've hosted the Golden Goggles, which is like the experts of swimming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Water polo, water polo, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's USA swimming, like the organization's awards, so it's everybody who has swam and represented for the U.S.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that long, it's a couple hours, but it's like, it's nerd prom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems like a long time. It's just an excuse for like swimmers to get dolled up and then kind of meet and greet with like people who donate money and stuff so like if you give a bunch of money you get to sit at a table with like Katie Ledecky and like eat pork chops or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not everybody's rocking uhm, god, well there's like some shampoo back in the day for swimmers that was pretty, what was it called? Ret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'll reach out to Speedo. Should I reach out to Speedo and get some, uh, Badger Party Speedos made for the gang?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What day, what time is it? It's like, it's nine o'clock. You can still go. I would go just, it's a twenty dollar box fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad would build this tarp thing that would like section off the stairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blowing into our respective bedrooms and it was a, I was living a nightmare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean you had an old house, right? Our house was built in like, I don't know, 1920 or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, that was like the plan, but then they'd be like, well fuck you, you're six years younger than us, we're just gonna like, um, scar you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, uh, The Good Son with the Macaulay Culkin movie. They got, they just watched that and they were like, let's do all that stuff to our brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Macaulay Culkin was so good in that movie cause he was like basically just doing all the stuff from Home Alone without the like sound effects. Yeah, we're in the comics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think she's smart and there are booby trap type things that happen, but they're just trying to get them out of the panic room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me apologize. I'll apologize for coming at you guys about fajitas. I think, I think they're fun. I think that they bring an ambiance to a Mexican restaurant that you can't get anywhere else. Okay? You're not getting that at a steakhouse. You're not getting that at, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you shit your pants right now, that's essentially mugging yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake wasn't really saying anything of consequence. He was just, again, louder, saying things. That's okay, sometimes louder catches the eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you eating that makes you so obese? Cause we've been over this. You're vegan or damn near it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but that doesn't matter. Aren't you eating healthfully? No, I'm not eating super healthy, bro. Yeah, I love chips. Is it healthy or healthfully? Healthfully. Are you eating healthy or are you eating healthfully? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's healthy, it's healthy. Is it soda pop? No I think chips, I think chips are healthy, but I think you eat healthfully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, not that chips are healthy, but like, uhm, a fucking, what, a piece of food is healthy, but to eat healthfully. Yes, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if I had a little black box to keep my Satan in. Everyone's jizzing on everything, it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we talking to the boat? That seems dope. I mean that feels like a really cool move for even like a musical performer to pull up with like the ear microphone and be screaming into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He will be the first to do everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that vibe is what? Not nice? You gotta get the church ladies. Satan!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the thing that was upsetting me is throughout this whole entire mix-up, no one was giving the greatest rock band of all time kiss its props, cause they did it way first when they put their blood in the ink for their comic book. And nobody was talking about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody knows that Kiss made a comic book with their own


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your call, we'll leave it in, in your court. Dealers choice. So the big thing, the big, uh, headline of returning home is that your water pressure is just off the charts hard. It's fucking with your face. Yeah, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's your street name address? Don't dox yourself. Don't dox yourself, bro. Yeah, watch out. You're gonna get doxed quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a minute, you didn't eat salmon again, did you? You got a taste for the flesh now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so are we, are we switching up the aruguloid moniker to pesky little bastard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who leans more satanic? The pesks or the rugaloids? Cause I'm trying to get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys remember this one? It's kinda, it's a little, it's a little long, so just bear with me, but it goes, If I had a little white box to keep my Jesus in, I would take him out and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I disagree, I think killing Satan is the peak of Christianity. We must kill Satan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's asking you, he says that he hates Hawaii and it sucks sometimes. Why would you be taking that side of the argument, Adam? That's odd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first time I went to Hawaii was when I was a very angsty teen and it was like, I think it might have been my sophomore year and my family's like, we're going to Hawaii and I'm like, that sucks, I just want to stay at John Paul's house and play video games, why am I going to fucking Hawaii? And I had the worst attitude, I was absolute shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freakin' Hawaii freakin' rocks, dude, mahalo. Once you get in that water and just like, god damn it, and eat some- The aloha spirit washes over you. Eat some macadamian, uh, fuckin' pancakes, my god, man. Bro, macadam-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pine nuts? Pine nuts don't count. Those are seeds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, have you guys heard of, and this is a real thing, have you heard of Disneyland gangs? Like where you wear your, your vest and you like rock your colors and you claim a section of the park? Of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other gangs aren't allowed to go into your parts or you guys like rumble and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Yeah, they're fighting Broadway style. No, they break their fingers. It gets bad out there, like the haunted house hectares or something versus like the future islands and shit. Really, you gotta look it up. Future islands? I made up the names. Bands, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good ref, good ref. I love that. Sick ref. Points! Points! Hey, do you remember what, uhm, what, uh, hotel you were staying in? Yeah, the, uh, Excalibur. Oh, that's the best one! Dude, I was gonna say that. That's the best one! Is that a castle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the castle. It is a castle, and they have like great merch. Like if you ever go on like eBay and just look up old Excalibur shirts, they're freakin' rad as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, do you remember that like world famous commercial where it was like the guy out on the balcony by himself and the girl comes out and he's like, you know, funny thing is I started smoking to be a part of the party and now I'm outside of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. It stuck with me. It stuck with me. That shit's important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they'll be looking down from Mars and they'll be saying hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys were wild on planet earth, brother. Bro, this is all-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks exactly like Kyle in film school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there we go. Uhm, the one thing that I have noticed though with like a lot of television going along the lines of like, uhm, a simulation or whatever, have you noticed like a lot of shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Debates like alternate timelines, where like we're living in these...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you looking it up, Blaker? I'm trying to, but I'm, uh. You're trying. I'm failing. Googling's hard. It is. It's tough. I'm saying 04, I feel like somebody came- 2004, my gosh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were some, like, really good movies that were excellent that, like, aren't mainstream. Like, do you remember that movie, like, Frailty? With, like, uh... Dude, so good. It was, like, Bill Paxton, right? Paxton, yea. And it's just, like, a really great movie, great script, like, great twist, all that, but, like, not everybody saw it for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, kill, in the name of the Lord, cause they're like, evil people. And he's being, so he's basically, his son thinks he's like, a murderer. That's tight. But he's telling him, it's all justified killings. And it's like, this weird trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you teeter whether he is insane or whether he is actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's something about ghosts. Oh yeaah, something ghost. Ghost in the Darkness is the Lion movie, right? Yeaah. With Val Kilmer. Yeaah, that's Hayley Joel Osmond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't- I don't know, I haven't seen Stirbeckos. I feel like there could be druggies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It rocked. I give this movie five Ferraris. Kyle, when you were saying it had like painted black, are you saying like the way like Jordan Peele uses like, I got five on it, but then like makes it like a scary version of the song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Denzel had like four movies that were like Man on Fire, like they weren't like theater hits, but they were like DVD smashes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that, that's- That's not Jason Swartz, man. His was, I'm going to the west.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not Jason Schwartzman. Jason Schwartzman is Coconut Wrecker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I apologize. You haven't apologized. Apology coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, or... Well I think what got us on it was like being able to pull off a guitar, or rock on a guitar, so... Yes, to shred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, if I could just apologize, I didn't realize you were such a wealth of Jason Schwartzman knowledge and you know all of his side projects and bands and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just remember my high school girlfriend had a crush on him and it like upset me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're not purchasing, you're not in one arena, you're not purchasing for like one band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, but it's multiple stages. No, I'm sure there was somebody performing on the B stage. It was probably like blues travelers or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I apologize to you, Ders, as well. I should have listened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I talked about Hawaii and how I was a bitch. That is true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if, what if Kayfed was the secret puppet master behind the whole thing? I mean, that's possible. I don't even know the story, I just thought that might be provocative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a fucking thing. Like her dad, her dad is like her conservator, right? Yes. Something like that. So he has control over her money and has control over what she does. I thought you didn't know anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they say that she's like, she was crazy, she went to the mental asylum and all that stuff, and like, she was unfit to be a mother and unfit to hold her own money, but she was still fit enough


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I guess that's kind of the argument, right? I guess that's the question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're not. You're just trying to pronounce it properly, right? That's not appropriate. That's pronunciating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, what is this, Chet's, what is going on with Chet? I saw something about this. Well nothing's really going on anymore, right? No, nothing, he's just, nah. Well quit acting like you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a certain amount of you pick up on whatever, you know, vocalizations and stuff. But you don't forget-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I think we've talked about that on this show before, right? Yeah, a little bit. We touched on that. We gave a couple flowers, we can give more. A whole bouquet. Right. That's a funny-ass show. So fucking funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you go back into the 80's and there's a lot of, there's a lot of R, R words. There's a lot of R words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, if you were 16, if you were 16 and had a cell phone, you'd be, I mean, you'd be watching porno, like, underneath the table at the dinner table, right? Like, during the cat tests? Well, if I can chuck this shit out, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would have to talk about that. We'd have to say like, what was your favorite part of the day? What was something that you learned? Like, you know, there was boxes to check and to spark conversation amongst the family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no top. You let the heat out, you let the heat out. Well, he told the story, I guess he bumps his head on shit all the fucking time. And he has it dialed. He has it dialed at his work so he wasn't bumping his head. Then he got a new hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea dude, yea man, I'm out here, I'm in production, I'm making a thriller. Independent thriller. And Teddy is a guy that Blake and Kyle, Blake and Kyle grew up with? Yea, Teddy, I've known Teddy since, I've known Teddy since kindergarten, we moved to LA together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He bounced and went and got his masters in the theater. And now he's like a botanist. He works with plants. He got out of the theater during the pandemic and then my brother's directing this movie and so I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, Teddy's the guy. And so now he's, he's gracing the silver screen with his, with his, uh, craft. With his. With his fucking cool. Gracing the silver screen with his grace. With his grace and his craft. For the screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're up in Longbourn, California, up in the hills. We got about 20 people up here and we're shooting a movie in, we're shooting a movie in 11 days. Longbourn? Longbourn, California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the deal with Long Barn? Bro, Long Barn population 215. Uh, we rolled out here with 12.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like in between Yosemite and South Lake Tahoe. It's in between that area. Okay. That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have something around those things, cause we always say giveaways, and I'm like, what's up? Can we do a giveaway? Are you doing a giveaway? Well how do we formulate that? I think it would be cool to give something away. What are you going to give away? Yea, what do you want to give away? Uhm, maybe the Vogue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god! When you had fuckin' Johnny Ives, the like, British dude who'd get on and be like, the iPhone 2 is better cause it's rounded mate. And you'd go, yeah fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will fast forward through like the, this year our sales rocketed. I'm like, I don't care. Just drop that new new on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They skipped 11? I think they were at 8 and then they went to X, which is 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have the floor now! Okay, now fuck you, you didn't talk. I said go, you didn't talk. So anyway, they definitely came out with iPhone X, which means 10, that's a roman numeral, but I don't know if there was a 9.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't know if there was 11, is there a 12 now? This year they s-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you are the person who shot the commercial and you're asking me if they skipped a number?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just watch them while I drive for an hour. Everyone whip out your iPhones, let's take a silent moment to just kinda go into about. Uh, let's see, settings, general, about, uhm, it should be right at the top there, right above serial number.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, did you just say does anyone have a favorite version of the iPhone? Mine was the Nokia back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we think that, that look, I mean I guess I was gonna say the age well of having just that big ass thing on your hip, but if somebody was rocking that today, POINT!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the five was the one with like the flat edges around. Maybe that was the four, but the one that had like the flat edges going all around, that was my favorite. I can't hear you, dude. What'd you say? Why did you like the five, sir? Flat edges.